#they are giving us a little thumbs up!! with their little fingies!

[the-fruitiest-fae]

Nonbiney swag contest update, Kris won the knight fight! & good for them!

Looking at the percentages from both polls, Ghost won overall 3rd—so i made fanart:)

[searecs]

omg belle is back!!!

that big dick t-shirt has been living rent free in my mind since last year i think the only solution now is for me to procure one

tifosa for life but "ferrari clown private limited whatever corporation" SENT me im howling

i want cl16 pasta :( i would eat it all even if i knew it would give me horrific food poisoning and if it tasted raw and just plain bad with every bite

"lando thinks birds don't have feet don't believe him" <- checks out. moving on

god so when is it my turn to have a partner who posts me to ts lyrics i/o boys who say they "just don't use social media like that"

soft launching an ex actually does seem like a charles move hmmmmm

OH MY GOD HE BROUGHT HOZIER INTO THE CHAT???? marriage. instant rn give me a veil and a priest

not charles being like i would do lie to two of my colleagues for you but assisting in a felony is where i draw the line

why do celebs even bother deleting their stories honey ppl have notifications on for u and they're clicking away with screenshots like their mothers paid them to

DANIEL FORCIBLY INSERTING HIMSELF INTO THE NARRATIVE HAHAHAHAHAHA he said u can choose to invite me or not but in the history books i WILL be a part of this story and thats FINAL.

that pic is supposed to be cute but im thinking abt how much charles' back hurt to bend in that way

i feel like if he tried just a little bit harder charles could be one of those people that can make both their eyes go in opposite directions. idk like if he ever gets bored of going vroom ive got activities lined up for him

okay but side note nicolle wallace is SO beautiful like i stalked her whole insta and im still stunned omgggggg

the daniel ricciardo side quest has me on the floor there really is never any drama that's free from his fidgeting fingies

bro thumbs up-ed the soulmates confession

"missed seeing your pretty face every time i opened my gallery 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔" what a LIAR i know for a fact he didnt delete a single one of this pictures be fr

BELLE I LOVE WHENEVER U POST!!!! SO EXCITED YOU'RE BACK THANK YOU FOR RETURNING LOVE YOU MWAH!!!!

well, i'm still in love with you !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their fall-in-love-again era is them soft launching each other while driving their friends wild.

or

for when you're still in love with them and will be for forever. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // charles leclerc x fem!reader

prequel - saw ur mom at the grocery store ·˚ ༘

warnings - language. suggestive jokes (???)

author's note - im so SORRY for not updating life is CRAZY rn like ???? so much has happened like im in LOVE im DONE with SCHOOL i have EXAMS SJSHSJSJKSKS im so sorry i hope u like this i love u all <3

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, lilymhe and 1,725,819 others

yourusername he's in my head so much i might as well just give him some

11,628 comments

username HOLD UP

username im shaking in my big girl boots rn what the Fuck

username y/n ?????

username SCREECHING

username roman empire or roman empire

username IM DYING OH MY GOD

landonorris just because you can type something doesn't mean you SHOULD

-> yourusername shut up u literally sprouted like an unwanted weed and not even the good kind

-> yourusername i am sorry that was mean

-> landonorris 😕

-> username someone keep these two away from each other before y/n makes lando cry 😭

username live love laugh y/n y/l/n

username i need cameras recording their whole vacation !!!!!!!!!

username this whole holiday will be so much more entertaining than 90% of all the tv shows out there 😭😭

username lord i pray that this is about charles

maxverstappen1 you didn't hear it from me but he's giggling

-> yourusername tell him to stop giggling and help me chase those seagulls away

-> landonorris LEAVE MY SEAGULLS ALONE

-> yourusername THEY ATE MY SANDWICH

username rip y/n's hater girl era u will be missed 😞☝️

username i know charles is thoroughly enjoying this like

username i will get over a lot of things in life but i will never get over lando and max joining the y/l/n-leclerc vacation simply because they do not trust charles to do the sensible thing

-> yourusername actually they're all dumb

-> maxverstappen1 excuse you

-> yourusername u called grey "dark white"

-> maxverstappen1 I PAID TO KEEP QUIET

-> yourusername blocking out the haters 🫸🙄🫷

username forever entertained by this group they never disappoint

username need me a max and lando to get me a bf or whatever 🙄🙄🙄

username waiting for charles to come here and say some stupid shit before going on with my day !!!!

charles_leclerc i bet u think about me

-> yourusername nah bc no way ferrari can make u THIS delusional what's the cause

-> yourusername i am sorry i was told that i cannot say shit about ferrari clown private limited whatever corporation

-> username please never change

charles_leclerc i will make u pasta !!!!!!!!

-> yourusername no thank u i saw what happened to arthur

-> charles_leclerc THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT THE PASTA WAS NOT GOOD

-> yourusername skill issue

charles_leclerc where r u

-> yourusername why r u typing like that

-> charles_leclerc lando said it's cool

-> yourusername lando thinks birds don't have feet don't believe him

-> landonorris why am i catching strays

username WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT CHARLES LIED TO GET MAX AND LANDO ON VACATION 😭😭

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, landonorris and 2,167,926 others

charles_leclerc we'd still worship this love

12,628 comments

username NAH WHO IS THIS MAN

username OH ??????

username false god lyrics imma die 🤣🤣🤣

username y/n effect is so real

username PLEASE NOT CHARLES SOFT LAUNCHING HIS EX 😭😭😭

-> username y'all put some respect on my girl's name 😭

-> yourusername i am no one's ex i will sue u for defamation

-> charles_leclerc for legal reasons she's JOKING

-> yourusername how do U know that tf

-> username i missed this

username hshshdjssjdjsjjsajjn;;;;;;;;bwywuuaj;...

username crying this is everything i've prayed for

username no one's mentioning the fact that charles wasn't even supposed to go on the vacation 😭😭😭

-> landonorris he booked his tickets and acted like it was a mistake

-> charles_leclerc you're a mistake

-> username and THAT'S how i know y/n and charles are back together 🤞🤞🤞

username i need a documentary on this vacation u don't GET it

username max and lando we trust u

maxverstappen1 you just pushed your love in water

-> charles_leclerc she told me i looked like tweety from looney toons

-> maxverstappen1 well

username crying i love every second of this

username i need to study this man's brain under a microscope like

-> username his thought process is just so UNIQUE

username i need them to confirm their relationship so i can breathe a sigh of relief thank u

username need me a man who posts like this

yourusername told u taylor swift songs slap

-> charles_leclerc highkey

yourusername i'm the most hilarious person ever idk why ur mad

-> charles_leclerc you called me tweety

-> yourusername hilarious

-> charles_leclerc my lover's got humour

-> yourusername OMGGGGG

yourusername we might just get away with this

-> charles_leclerc i told you, if you commit murder i will NOT be an accomplice

-> yourusername those are lyrics but fuck u too i guess

username i prayed for times like this 🤞🤞

≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱

charles_leclerc added to their instagram stories

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, carmenmmundt and 1,972,628 others

yourusername well i'm still in love with u 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 (❤️)

tagged charles_leclerc

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 2,126,891 others

charles_leclerc 2 out of 262819 photos where she stole my phone and the one (1) photo with me in it like okaaaaaaaaaay (🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️)

tagged yourusername

12,728 comments

username NAHHH WHO TAUGHT HIM HOW TO TYPE LIKE THAT

username PLEASE OMG

username andddddddd we're 🔙 to having charles have a breakdown every single time y/n (HIS GIRLFRIEND) interacts with him

username god heard my prayers

username why do i have a feeling lando and max went EXTREME

-> yourusername if u call pushing us both off the yacht and not letting us back on until we said "hiiiiii" civilly to each other extreme, then yes. they were EXTREME.

-> charles_leclerc still mad about it. i said "hiiiii 😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😘" and you said "hi 😐😐😐😐."

-> yourusername sorry i was too busy finding ways to poison u then ❤️❤️❤️ im good and better now ❤️❤️❤️ (police and officials LOOK AWAY)

-> username netflix needs to leave dts and document THIS

username someone should write a book on this vacation and it should be max ☝️☝️☝️

username WAR IS OVERRRRR

username they're BACK god bless

username the way i KNOW charles is thanking max and lando on his knees like homeboy would be stuck without them fr

-> danielricciardo excuse you i was the mastermind

-> landonorris you literally did nothing except sit on ft for hours and yell at us.

-> danielricciardo tell that to all those thank you texts (money) charles sent me

-> landonorris YOU TOLD ME NO ONE WILL BE GETTING PAID charles_leclerc

-> charles_leclerc i sent him $1 because heidi asked me to

-> heidiberger_ he threatened to fly out to italy i did everyone a favour

username the y/n effect is coming back with full throttle like yeaaaaaaaaah

username i need a trilogy on this vacation like i need EVERYTHING

username the way i KNOW both of their families just rejoiced like they were going through it 😭😭😭

username everyday i wake up and thank the lord and heavens for daniel ricciardo, max verstappen and lando norris

yourusername i look so good wtfff

-> charles_leclerc yes you do 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

yourusername bébé ( baby )

-> charles_leclerc mon ange ( my angel )

yourusername soulmates 4 sure

-> charles_leclerc 👍

-> username lord i am not your strongest soldier

-> username why is he like this 😭😭😭

yourusername lowk missed taking 26271727 selfies on ur phone

-> charles_leclerc missed seeing your pretty face every time i opened my gallery 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

-> username y/n never leave him again please

-> username my man's TRAUMATISED

[rebouks]

I've put together a few tips that I've learnt during my pose making escapades. I hope they'll come in handy!

My best piece of advice is just to mess around yourself. You don't even have to make anything useable at first, but you've gotta give yourself time to get used to how Blender feels.. the controls, how stuff moves etc. Give it a chance!

Useful titbits: Under "View" on the righthand side, change the Lens from the standard 35,000 to 250,000. It'll change it from a weird fisheye perspective to something that looks a bit more normal. It especially makes working with the face much easier.

The two tiny clipboards with left and right arrows at the bottom are where you can copy/paste a pose (this'll come in handy later!)

When you open a rig the pivot points are set to Median Point. Change this to Individual Origins (you can do this by clicking the two little white circles at the bottom as you can see below). That way the joints move according to their.. individual origins. Surprise! This means when you move multiple points at once, like the eyes or the knuckles, they move as one but act as though you were moving them separately. It avoids any weirdness, trust me!

Personally, I avoid reference pictures. I find moving my own body (or making my poor husband my muse) is much better. If that means getting into a weird position on the floor or pretending to throw something in the middle of the living room, fine. Maybe close your blinds though...

Move, Rotate & Adjust Height: First of all, make sure you're in pose mode! For the most part, we want to use the rotate feature for the body (press R for rotate or select rotate from the bottom menu. To reset a joint, press ALT+R... If you want to reset the whole body, press A twice to select all the joints, then press ALT+R) and move (press G for move or select move from the bottom menu. To reset, press ALT+G) for the face. If you move the body too much it looks distorted and we don't want that! Same for the face, you can use rotate subtly but use it too much and you'll end up in uncanny valley.

You can adjust the height of sims by using the points shown next to the dots below; try and move each one only a little bit, up or down, to avoid stretching the sim out too weirdly. You can also use the ankles, but not if you've set up an Inverse Kinematic joint on them (we'll get to that soon).

Only move your sim via the pelvis point. Do not touch the orange dot! If you do your sim might not pose in correlation to where you place your teleporter. Also try not to let your sim go below the horizontal line, otherwise they'll clip into the floor! (If you line your view up just right the line appears grey as below, otherwise it's either green or red depending on where you're facing). Leave a lil' gap for shoesies. In fact, you should leave gaps in most places to allow room for clothes etc. So don't make the sim directly touch their leg for example, or their hand will clip into their pants!

Joint Locking: I always work with the bottom two knuckle joints locked on every finger, we don't want any demented fingies! I also lock the jaw point, so no matter which direction I'm facing when I move it, it'll only ever move up or down. You can always unlock them if you're trying to achieve a certain look, but for the most part we don't want them moving in any other way.

Select the joint/joints (you can select multiple joints at once by either pressing C and dragging the mouse over the points, or by pressing B and dragging a box over them) and lock W, X & Y. Once you've done this, save your rig! That way, you won't have to do it every time.

Inverse Kinematics: I have these set up for each leg, arm, finger and thumb to save time. It means that when you move the bottom joint (eg. the finger tip, wrist or ankle) the whole limb moves with it. It's especially useful for the thumbs & arms since they tend to behave themselves better. Stick with three for the thumb, fingers and ankle joints.. with the wrist point, you can go up to four and it'll include the clavicle joint too. Though it's a fussy one, so I prefer to move this alone for the most part. You can always change it temporarily if you want!

To do this, click on the lil' bone with a chain underneath on the right side, as below, and choose Inverse Kinematics. Then change the Chain Length to 3. Save your rig again so you don't have to set everything up next time!

Be especially careful when using this method to move the fingers as it'll throw out those locked joints we mentioned earlier! I really only use these ones to move them ever so slightly.

Also, be careful when using it to move the legs (and sometimes the arms) as they can be unpredictable! It's best to rotate the joints separately to give it an idea of what you're going for, then use the joint to move the limb into a more natural position. You can see underneath how demented it can look if you don't give it a general idea before you start... I used the exact same movement here on the left/right (slightly up and to the left) but the right one started with the knee bent.

Ripping off EA: Use EA animations to save yourself some time! Almost any animation in game can be found/used. To do this go to the Sims 4 Studio > create a new animation > save the package (I called mine RIGBASE) > open it in S4Studio and choose your rig (eg. female, male, child etc.) and pick "EA Clip" > find an animation to work from > export and save the pose > open the pose in blender. You can work from here, or you can copy the pose (press A twice until all points turn blue, then click on the left clipboard at the bottom to copy it) paste it onto your own rig and work from there instead.

This method is super helpful when you're a beginner, or for more tricky body positions. There's no point wasting time, faffing around posing the rig into a kneeling position when there's a perfectly good base you can work from.

Frankenposing: In a similar vein to the above, frankenposing can also save a huge amount of time. So, you've got two poses.. let's say one stood up and one sat down. You want the emotion/arm movements from the standing pose, but you can't be arsed making them sit down. No worries! Copy the top half (press C to select several points at once or B to click and drag) and paste it onto a previous pose you've made (or ripped off EA.. heh). Adjust accordingly and voila!

Move slowly: If you want your sim to bend over, lean to the side, look up etc etc.. you can't just snap their neck/spine or whatever. You've got to work your way down/up to it. Eg. Your sim's looking up; so start from the bottom of the spine, tip it back a bit, move to the middle, tip it back a bit... Right up until you get to the neck. This is where moving your own body comes in handy! 9 times out of 10 we don't just move one body part.

So let's say your sim wants to touch their noggin'. Don't just grab the wrist and try and drag their arm up to their head, it won't look right. First, adjust the clavicle upwards a bit. Then you can grab your wrist and move the arm into a rough position. Rotate your elbow and pose your fingies (you can adjust them more perfectly later, we just need an idea to begin with). Now you should be able to lift the arm and it won't look demented.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope all these tips help you out, I promise you'll get better with practice! I plan to make another tutorial about using custom rigs at some point. Maybe one for facial expressions too. Happy posing ❤

[orange-waterfalls]

Ouch

I cut my fingy and panicked a lot so here’s a quick not-at-all thought out thing about how some egos would react to s/o cutting their finger while cooking and it like isn’t that bad but they’re freaking out

1.4k words

Enjoy!

Markiplier egos with an s/o who accidentally cut themselves hcs

Darkiplier

He was in his study, just thinking, while you made dinner

He heard a tiny “ow” and didn’t think much of it

He then heard a louder “OW” and a string of “fuck”s and got worried

He entered the kitchen, to see you gripping your wrist and holding your finger under the water from the sink

He thinks you burned yourself

Then you pull your hand away and he sees blood and immediately makes his way over.

“What happened? Are you ok? How bad is it?”

You don’t answer as you are too busy hyperventilating because goddammit it HURTS

He tries to take your hand to look at it but you won’t let him

You look so hurt and vulnerable and he feels so bad

If you’d asked him to help cook, and he didn’t take it, he’d feel a thousand times worse

Eventually, he gets you to sit down and calms you, just a bit, and goes to get band aids

He comes back to you looking like you’re about to have a panic attack

He quickly stands you back up, and you put your finger back under the sink.

He gently washes it with soap and apologizes every time you make a noise

He gives you the bandage and lets you sit on the couch

You calm down and lean on his shoulder

He lets you sit there for a bit, rubbing your arm.

You eventually look up at him

“I think I may have overreacted.”

He’d laugh and kiss your head and goes to finish cooking dinner

Wilford

He wasn’t even home yet

You told him you were starting dinner and he left wherever he was immediately.

He was picking up wine from the store when you called him

“Wilford please get bandaids”

He was confused and a little worried, so he asked why

“Please just buy some and hurry home please” and you hung up

Now, Wilford is hardly a reasonable man as it is. so when he ran out of the store (without paying) and sped down the road in his car to get home before you, like, died or some shit, you shouldn’t have been surprised

He may or may not have run into a pedestrian or two on the way

He threw the door open when he got home, gun in hand

“WHAT HAPPENED WHAT’S THE DANGER”

You’re sitting on a chair in the kitchen breathing heavily, holding your finger

He can’t help but laugh because, christ, he thought it was something BAD

But, to you, it was bad. and he was laughing at you.

You tear up, just a bit. you’re feeling a lot of emotions right now.

He sees and gets worried again because is it worse than he thinks?? is there another injury??? are you traumatized what’s happening?

He tries to look at the cut but you turn away, looking very upset

He tries to convince you to let him see but you won’t budge

You’re whining a little (which I do because I can’t emote properly) which makes him upset

He drops to his knees and holds out his hands

“C’mon, baby! Let me see! Let me help!”

He’s being overdramatic and stupid and it makes you smile. So you do.

He gently kisses the spot, as to not hurt you, and puts a bandaid over it, kissing that too.

He orders take out and lets you lay on his lap while he pets your hair

Yancy

He was practicing some dance moves when he heard you in the kitchen

You were cursing and breathing heavily

Logically, he should know that perhaps you hurt yourself making dinner

However Yancy is a bit of a dumbass so he thinks someone broke in or something

He walks in with a knife, only for you to stand there with your finger under the sink.

He sees the blood, so concludes that you cut yourself. But you look really upset?

He’s mostly confused.

He’s been through worse, you’ve been through worse, he KNOWS you have

So why are you so upset?

“Why are you so upset?” “I don’t know!” “It’s not that bad” “I know...” “What’s the problem?” “I don’t KNOW!”

You start to cry, just a bit, and Yancy panics

He doesn’t know what to do. He’s not used to this!

He wants to tell you to get over it, but also he doesn’t?

Like, he knows it’s the easiest thing to say, but also not the BEST thing to say

So he says nothing. He gets a band aid, puts it on your finger, and hugs you.

He holds you for a minutes until your breathing is normal

If you tell him you don’t wanna cook today, he orders pizza

If you tell him you can, he’ll try to help

You have to kick him out because the man doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing

Illinois

He’s watching you cook and sees it happen before it does

Your finger isn’t in the right place, he saw you adjust

He tries to warn you but doesn’t do it in time

He winces because ouch

He processes what happened before you do, so he already has the band aids.

He turns the sink on, moves your finger underneath, and cleans it with soap

He puts the band aid on you and kisses your hand

He asks if you want to keep cooking or if you want him to cook

If you want to, he’ll help you with whatever you were doing first that made you cut yourself

If you don’t want to, he’ll finish what you were doing on his own.

He makes sure you’ve calmed down and holds your hand, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles

“Im being overdramatic...”

“No, you’re not. It hurt. You bled. You got upset. You’re ok now.”

He’s a very understanding and responsible man ^///^

Magnum

None of that goddamn crew can cook for shit, so you always have to

Mostly fish and vegetables you buy at different ports

Magnum and the others are just drinking and laughing when they hear you yell and curse from the kitchen

Magnum goes over to see what’s happening

He sees you holding your finger and goes to hold you

He’s very. protective, I’m gonna say.

“Oh, poor darlin’... are ye alright? Are ye ok? Awh, sweetheart...”

He doesn’t have bandaids, so he cleans a cloth and covers your finger

He makes you rest in your room (even though it wasn’t particularly that bad)

The other crewmates check in periodically to see if you’re ok

Magnum decides he’s going to cook

Yes, the ship catches on fire. No, he will not say how he did it

You have to finish dinner, otherwise the others are gonna kill themselves trying

Google

He’s recharging on the couch while you cook

He hears you curse from the kitchen and concludes you’ve hurt yourself

He doesn’t really see one injury as too much worse than another. they’re all bad

He knows what happens if even the smallest wound gets infected

He wants it dealt with quickly and efficiently

He walks up to you and grabs your hand, pulling it under the sink

He cleans it with soap, puts a band aid on it, and leaves

Dr. Iplier who, bitch?

He likes to sit when you while you eat, just so he can talk to you

You, however, don’t talk to him at all and he’s a little upset

He figures he was a bit too rough with you at first when he reaches for you after you stand up and you pull away

“I apologize for my methods, I wanted to make sure the wound was dealt with posthaste.”

“Well... I guess that’s a good enough excuse.”

You hug him, and he (hesitantly) hugs back

Bing

Probably the reason you cut yourself lmao

He enjoys bothering you when you’re busy

He hasn’t recieved his Designated Bing Attention Hours today and therefore you have to deal with a very clingy and annoying Bing

He’d be less annoying if he’d stop fucking TOUCHING THINGS but w/e

He bumps into you and you yell

He doesn’t realize that you cut yourself until you start cursing

He turns around to see you frantically turning the water on and gets very nervous

Shit, that was his fault? He did that? Fuck, you’re angry, aren’t you. FUCK

He leaves, immediately, and you have to deal with it yourself. 

He paces in your room for a bit, debating what to do

“Ok. Alright. What do people like. Phones? I could buy a phone. I could STEAL a phone. I could steal anything they want! Do people need graphics cards?”

He settles for walking back into the kitchen, apologizing, and walking back out

“nailed it”

You’re a little quiet the rest of the day, and he’s still nervous, but you hug him and kiss his cheek before you get ready to go to bed, so it’s ok

[blackacre13]

idk if you've been keeping up with memes around the CDC recommendations that they've changed around so much that the internet, per usual, have bastardised them. there's the "the cdc recommends that you should release your inhibitions and feel the rain on your skin" and "the CDC just announced you don’t actually have to wash your hands, just get the fingies a little wet."

please use the best one yet from this format if you can: "the CDC recommends sucking the strap"

😈😈😈😈 thanks!

“Well, for one thing, I’m closing down the club,” Lou sighed. “That seems inevitable anyway. I mean alcohol and dancing isn’t typically deemed essential unless you run in our circles.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, baby,” Debbie breathed, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to the blonde as she leaned against her shoulder. “God, this is so terrifying. I mean, we’re better off than most. Healthy base for us both at least. Thank Fuck you quit smoking. And obviously, we’re set money wise. Can order in and avoid going out. We’re actually sort of built perfectly for this.”

“That’s true,” the blonde mumbled, scrolling through her phone, biting her thumb.

“Stop. Doom scrolling,” Debbie warned.

“Look who finally made it into 2020,” Lou smirked, kissing Debbie on the cheek as she lay back against the sheets, holding the phone above her head. “We’ve really got to take this seriously, Debs.”

“Alright, alright,” Debbie nodded, standing up as she started to pace. “We’ll make a plan. Let’s start a list. What can we stock up on so we don’t have to run out all the time. Things we need. Masks? Any meds that help? Hand sanitizer, obviously.”

“Toilet paper, paper towels, some canned goods and frozen stuff,” Lou muttered.

Debbie was pacing rapidly now, ticking things off as the blonde sat up, highly amused by her frantic wife, who was now, in no way, paying attention to Lou’s suggestions and additions to the list, even though she was really getting into the nitty gritty more medical side of things now.

“Did you same something about the CDC?” Debbie finally asked, only slowing her pacing slightly. “Special type of mask and when they think there could be a vaccine. What else.”

“I mean they do recommend one thing,” Lou smirked, licking her lips.

“Yeah, I’m all ears, obviously, Lou, what can we—“

“Well, new studies are showing that it’s amazingly effective against Covid.”

“Seriously?” Debbie whipped around. “What is?”

“Where did I—Oh, yeah, right here,” Lou spoke, pretending to scroll as she studied the phone with a serious face. “There it is. The CDC recommends sucking the strap.”

“Lou,” Debbie warned.

“Yes, honey?” Lou smiled innocently, her eyes twinkling as she clicked her phone off, placing it beside her.

“That’s not funny,” Debbie hissed, crossing her arms as she stepped closer to the bed. “This is a serious disease.”

“And you give seriously good head,” Lou shrugged.

“You’re one to talk,” Debbie snorted.

“You know that was a compliment right?” The blonde grinned, standing up from the bed as she tugged Debbie against her.

“What I said or what you said?” Debbie whispered.

“Dealer’s choice,” Lou murmured, fingers slipping into Debbie’s belt loops as she pulled the brunette’s hips tight against hers.

“Baby, I’m really scared about all this,” Debbie murmured, biting at her lip nervously as she leaned into the Australian’s embrace, grateful for her comfort. “This is all just a little apocalyptic and insane.”

“I know,” Lou agreed, nodding sadly. “It’s not something to joke about. And we’re both going to take this very seriously, because I just got you back and I’m not ever letting you go, so we both had better stick around through this, alright? But, we aren’t going to get through it without a little silliness. Laughter is the best medicine after all.”

“Mm,” Debbie sighed. “That is true. 4 out of 5 dentists recommend it.”

“That’s toothpaste,” Lou frowned. “You sure you want to quarantine here with me in the loft? It’s so small and uncomfortable and I could put you up in a hotel or—“

“What happened to both sticking around through this together?” Debbie teased, sticking out her tongue.

“Did I say that?” Lou grinned. “You must have heard that wrong.”

“Maybe you were too busy thinking about me sucking your dick,” Debbie winked, trying to scurry away as Lou grabbed her, the brunette letting out a shriek of giggles. “You know I’d offer,” Debbie murmured, pulling down Lou’s zipper, “But oops, something very vital seems to be missing for that activity.”

“I can fix that,” Lou whispered, licking down Debbie’s neck. “Easy.”

“And why should I just go ahead and agree to sucking your strap?” Debbie asked, raising an eyebrow. “Besides the obvious. That I’m excellent at it.”

“Because you know me, honey,” Lou whispered, her voice dropping as Debbie started to squirm against her. “You suck me off, I get you off. I’m sure you’ll already have the strap nice and wet for me with that pretty little mouth of yours and that gorgeous tongue. Might as well finish the job and fill you up.”

“I thought you were just joking around,” Debbie breathed, her breath hitching as Lou’s leg came between hers, pressing her thigh upwards.

“I’m not laughing,” Lou hissed, her voice seeping with lust. “Are you?”

“No,” Debbie shook her head. “That’s what I want too.”

“You do?”

“Please, Daddy.”

[monolid-monologues]

my fingies r finna fall off

ya’ll ever do a epsom salt bath, but in a bowl, for your hands?

Highest of recommendations.

so much work on screens and devices 

too much demand and stress on the fingies

my thumbs are like aha fuck you

my right index like no seriously fuck you

my wrists like we will literally fuck you up if you don’t let us chill

erryone please take care of those hands

by erryone I mean MEEE

AHHHHHH *Sob*

I DEMAND TOO MUCH FROM MY HANDS

salt soak save me

man that’s a life goal for sure

while entrepreneurs ask themselves: HOW LITTLE TIME CAN I GIVE TO WORK WHILE MAKING THE MOSTEST MONEYS

I ask myself: HOW LITTLE TIME CAN I MAKE MY FINGERS TYPE TAP STRAIN while still doing eberything i do digitally slash online ;_;

I for one would like to avoid the day my hands just fuckin quittttt on me 

my gosh i’m really asking them to do too much tho

[poison-rat]

Tattoo Flowers Snippet 3

This has been a long time coming but I finally wrote more! As the other two parts say, these are in no particular order. I may go back and edit those as well so I may repost those tonight. Hopefully I'll continue to feel inspired to write this!

Snippet 1 & Snippet 2

♡♡♡

Dan sat in his shop at the end of the day, finishing up a design. He was planning a charity day where he would do simple tattoos for $7 and donate the money to a local charity. He did it twice a year but he liked to switch up the designs every time for a new theme. This one was flowers. Not for any reason. And definitely not for his new neighbor. He pushed the thoughts from his head and continued his steady lining.

A customer came in for a touch up and another came in for a simple bee tattoo with her girlfriend. He made sure they were satisfied and handed over the care kit and began to run through the process of healing for her.

He smiled softly as the girlfriend said she knew how this worked and would take good care of her. "Alright. Looks like you're in good hands. Let's get you paid out then."

He brought them to the register. The girl with the bee tipped very well and thanked him and even said she may be back for more. Dan watched the two leave, hands intertwined. He couldn't quite explain why his heart gave a small leap at the sight of two people in love.

He yawned and checked his phone for the time. It was already late and he figured closing up shop ten minutes early wouldn't hurt. He put the charity design papers into a file and stretched on his way to the door.

As the bolt clicked into place, a hand smacked the glass and made Dan jump two feet back. "Shit!!" He moved back to it and looked out.

The hand's owner, Arin, stepped into view, panting and trying to talk. "Sorry! Sorry!" He gestured to the door and made a twisting motion, silently asking Dan to unlock the door.

The artist undid the lock and let him in. "What the hell, man? You could've just come and knocked on my door later if you wanted to talk." He went to his fridge and grabbed a water to give him.

"Yeah, but... uh..." Arin trailed off. Obviously, that had not occurred to him. Dan chuckled at the pure confusion on his face. "Shut up."

"Oh, no, this is gold. You forgot we were neighbors?" Dan moved to lock the door again and started to clean up.

"I'm sorry! I got all confused and lost track of time and flustered!" Arin huffed and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I did come down here to ask you if you wanted to come over but now I take it back!"

Dan's hand froze on the cup of ink he'd been using during a brainstorm session. "Ask me over?" He turned to Arin, who looked a little more flustered and pink in the cheeks than the running from his apartment would account for. "What for?"

The florist shrugged. "I dunno. We've been neighbors a week. I figured we could get to know one another." He smiled lightly towards Dan. "It's not gay. It's just some neighbors making sure that when one of us throws a wild house party, the other won't be as mad as they could be."

"You've obviously put some thought into this." Dan dumped the cup and began rinsing them. He turned and saw Arin picking up some papers and stacking them. "Oh, you don't have to do that."

"It's fine, man. Repaying the favor for you helping me set up shop." He smiled as he tossed the balled up wads into the trash.

Dan nodded with a weird haze in his mind. Arin wanted to have dinner with him, he was helping him clean up, he ran from his apartment just to catch him?

"So? How's about it?"

"Huh?" The man blinked and looked over at the man speaking. Arin was now closer, holding some other dishes Dan had overlooked. "What?"

"Dinner at my place? The whole reason I came down here?" Arin wiggled his eyebrows, making Dan laugh slightly.

He thought for a moment then shrugged. "Yeah. Sure. It sounds better than reheated chicken fingies." He took the dishes, careful to avoid getting Arin's hands wet.

The florist looked confused again before breaking into a grin. "Fingies? Are you serious?"

"Yeah! Chicken fingies!" Dan grinned, "They're my favorite. I've called them fingies for years, man. My mom gets a kick out of it every time I go see her and she gets some for me."

Arin laughed. "It is cute. Just didn't expect that out of you."

Dan nodded. "Yep. I'm a bit of a kid at heart."

"It's cute."

They finished cleaning up in relative silence. Dan made sure the signs were off, locked up, and followed him to his apartment.

The apartment was a bit bigger than Dan's, but looked crowded with assorted art and various video game memorabilia on the walls and plants on tables and shelves and hanging all over. It was definitely much cleaner than Dan's and had that lingering smell of spring instead of weed and coffee. And a bit of lasagna, as he noticed Arin going to check the oven.

"Oh, shoes off please. You can leave them by the door."

Dan nodded and looked to the side and saw a few pegs with jackets and various pairs of shoes tossed haphazardly underneath. He toed off his sneakers and went into the living room. A plush white couch sat in the middle in front of a TV. A grey and white fluffy cat was rolling around on said couch, scratching their back. Dan gently reached down and rubbed the cat's belly. The cat responded with freezing then relaxing because it was being pet.

"That's Mimi. She's lazy." Arin came out of the kitchen and smiled at the kitten, who went from Dan's hand to rub against Arin's leg. "Glad she didn't scratch or something. She has a tendency not to let go."

"Yeah. That would suck." Dan looked to Arin, slightly shy. Arin must have detected it and waved him to sit down. "So lasagna for dinner?"

"Yeah. It's still got a good ten minutes. My oven is kinda shitty and it's still frozen in the middle." He grabbed a remote and hummed. "Do you like Mario?"

"Uh. Yeah. It's been a while since I've played but I could pick it up easy." Dan watched as Arin went to change the game in the system. He'd never seen that system before but then again he hadn't played many games past Game/Cube. "What are we playing?" He looked away as Arin bent at the waist, both out of modesty to not stare at his ass and to just not stare at his ass in general.

"Super Ma/rio Bros. I don't have many two player games." Arin grabbed two controllers and turned to hand one over. "Here."

Dan took the controller gently and let Arin get them into the game. Arin explained the controls and they were quickly on their way. It took Dan a moment to get used to a controller again with his thumbs but after that he was having tons of fun.

They got so into the game and riffing off one another and telling stories that neither remembered dinner until there was a burning smell wafting through the apartment. "Oh, shit-" Arin leapt up, Dan hit pause, and they rushed to the kitchen. Black smoke billowed out as the door was opened and both stared at the charred block of pasta.

"I don't think it's frozen in the middle anymore." Dan slipped the oven mitts on and pulled it out to drop it into the stovetop.

"Damn. I completely forgot. That sucks." Arin poked at it with a butter knife.

"That's okay. We could always order takeout. I know a good place for Thai." Arin nodded, a bit of a disappointed look on his face. Dan patted his back, "It's alright, man. It happens. I can't tell you how many times I forget popcorn or some shit cause I'm busy. Now come on, let's order Thai."

Dan pulled up the website and they searched the menu for a bit before he called the order in. They resumed the game until the food arrived, then they turned it off for the time being and turned on some old monster movie Dan suggested.

Stories continued to pass between the two as well as bits of food as Arin was unaccustomed to it and wanted to try everything. Dan obliged, happy to see Arin enjoyed the food and wasn't still hung up on burning dinner. It wasn't an hour later that Dan was yawning and his eyes began to grow heavy. Arin noticed and patted his arm. "Hey. You should probably get headed home. Get you some sleep."

"Nah. I'm having fun here." Dan yawned again, nullifying his point. Arin poked and prodded him as he wiggled off the couch. "Alright. I'll head out. We should do this again sometime." Dan started for the door, grabbing his shoes. "Weekly thing or something."

Arin smiled and Dan copied it unconsciously from the sheer joy behind it. "I'd like that. Now go home before you fall asleep on your feet." He pushed him gently out the door and watched to make sure he got inside okay.

Dan dropped his shoes to the floor and keys onto the side table. As he collapsed into bed, he was already beginning to dream of a certain florist in a Ma/rio outfit.

[askalt2d]

Sweetness

Over a cup of mid-afternoon tea, 2D pauses in his recounting of Susan from daycare’s daily dose of gossip to check his phone. “Oh, I got a notification from the coupon site fingy– it’s couples night at tha’ fancy Italian place.” He looks up, excited. “I know it’s not, like, official date night ‘til Friday...but–”

Stuart smiles. “A nice dinner out sounds lovely.”

2D surges up to give his husband a kiss, nearly upsetting his teacup in the process. “Aw, Stu, fank you!”

With their tea forgotten, they begin to plan their evening.

Ever the enthusiastic aunt, Noodle immediately agrees to watch Parker for the night– “We’ll do our hair and mess around on your papa’s keyboard, Twochie!” she’d said to Parker over the phone, and had been quickly shot down on the second part by 2D– and she comes to pick up her niece just before sunset.

“Don’t get into too much trouble, you two,” she warns cheekily, buckling Parker’s car seat into her Jaguar.

2D grins. “No promises!”

Given the circumstances of the month, though, they’re bound to keep that promise either way.

The Pots dress to the nines, even though it’s only a local restaurant. Stuart wears the cornflower tie from their wedding with a crisp black suit, and 2D even tucks a pocket square into the breast pocket of his sleek navy jacket.

“You look stunnin’, bluebird,” Stuart murmurs as their taxi pulls up. 

2D blushes and gently shoves his shoulder. “Ya ain’t too bad yourself, love.”

The two of them kiss in the cab ride to dinner, but it isn’t lustful or wanting– quick, sweet pecks and a soft meeting of their lips instead of Stuart’s tongue down his husband’s throat. The driver glances back disapprovingly a few times, and 2D bursts into giggles, blushing like a teenager at being caught.

When they arrive, and after generously tipping the cabbie, Stuart takes 2D’s hand like a real gentleman and leads him inside.

Soft candlelight and dimmed electric lamps light the warm interior of the restaurant. There’s music playing– classical, not really to their taste, but it suits the mood. The tables are draped in red and adorned with a single fabric rose each. Only a few other couples are present, given that it’s a Wednesday night, so the Pots are led to a free table right away.

“Remember when we took Parker ‘ere,” 2D says, once the waiter leaves, “an’ she spit up on the menu?”

Stuart holds back a snort of laughter. “That was here?”

“Yep! We were sittin’ just over there.” He points to a table near the front of the restaurant. “Ya tried feedin’ her mashed potatoes...”

“You’re the only one who can convince her to eat food she doesn’t like, bluebird.” Stuart grins and takes a sip of his wine. “I really think you’re her favorite.”

2D’s face falls comically fast. “Oh, Stu, don’t say tha’!”

“I was jokin’, love.”

“Yeh, but still...” He reaches across the table and takes his husband’s hand. “She loves ya so much, Stu. She loves both of us equally, I jus’ know it. Yeh, I can get ‘er to eat nasty stuff, but you– you change the batteries in ‘er hearin’ aid so quick an’ delicate while my fingers just shake all over the place. You never panic when she gets overwhelmed an’ starts screamin’, ya just hold ‘er and sing and it works like magic.” 2D smiles softly at him. “You’re a good dad, Stu– you’re a great dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeh.”

Stuart leans over the table to kiss his husband. “I think you’re great, too.” 2D hums happily into the kiss, letting the rest of the world melt away. Stuart’s lips are warm and a little bit chapped, tasting of the wine he’d been sipping and of Stuart’s own underlying sweetness.

There’s an embarrassed “Er...” from above them. 2D pulls away, blushing, as the waiter politely examines the ceiling instead of the kissing couple. “Are we ready to order?”

“Spaghetti, please,” 2D says, dabbing his lips with his napkin. He peeks up at Stuart, and stifles a laugh. His husband still looks a bit spellbound. “Love? Wot d’ya want?”

“You– er, I mean, what you ordered. Same thing. I– yeah.” His face is flushed. 

As soon as the waiter leaves, 2D kicks him gently under the table. “Frisky.”

“I didn’t mean it in a randy way,” Stuart mutters, a bit embarrassed. “At least, not completely.”

“Well,” 2D says in a very matter-of-fact way, reaching for the bread, “ya can’t eat me for dinner. I ain’t very nutritious, I’d imagine.” 

Stuart huffs out a fond sort of sigh. He picks up a packet of butter and warms it in his hands before handing it to 2D. “Hush and eat your bread, bluebird.”

Both their spaghettis arrives not long after, and despite it being an accidental order on Stuart’s part, he isn’t disappointed at all in his meal. He and 2D both fall silent for a long while, with only the clink of forks serving as conversation. The pasta is warm and buttery, with a rich, meaty tomato sauce over the top. With that and with the bread as an appetizer, it’s no wonder that once 2D clears his plate, he settles back with a bit of a groan.

“Mm?” Stuart raises his eyebrows, mouth still full of spaghetti.

“Tummy ‘urts a bit,” 2D says, shifting in his seat. “Fink I ate too fast...or too much. Or both.” He suppresses a small burp.

Stuart sympathetically pats his husband’s hand. “Wanna go home?” he asks once he’s swallowed his spaghetti. “I know we planned an evenin’ walk in the park after dinner, but if your stomach hurts, then we can just go right home. Watch a film or somethin’, maybe?”

“It’s so lovely out, though.” 2D bites his lip. “I– I wanted to stargaze for a bit. Snog on a park bench, look up at the sky...” His stomach interrupts with a loud gurgle, and he goes red with embarrassment. “Don’t. Laugh.”

Stuart puts his hand over his own mouth, but his eyes sparkle with laughter nonetheless. “Aw, bluebird...”

“I-it ain’t funny!”

“It’s a bit funny.”

“You’re bein’ mean, Stu. Mean an’ cruel an’ rude.”

Getting a hold of himself, Stuart lays a hand on 2D’s crossed arms. “I’m sorry, my love. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Belly rubs when we get home?”

2D pretends to mull it over, but his decision had been made the second the words left his husband’s mouth. “...Yeh, alright.”

As a further apology, Stuart pays for their dinner. He calls another cab for them, and 2D nearly dozes off on the short ride home, his head leaning heavily on Stuart’s shoulder.

The house is quiet and empty, a rarity these days. Stuart flips the lights on as 2D shrugs his jacket off and makes a beeline for the sofa. He undoes the top button of his trousers and sighs with relief. “These fings’re too restrictitive,” he mutters as Stuart joins him, turning the TV on to a random movie channel. “Now I get why I don’t wear ‘em much...”

“We don’t have much occasion to dress up much, anyway,” Stuart says, gently guiding 2D to lie down with his head in Stuart’s lap. “Though I gotta say, you look damn handsome all dolled up.”

2D wriggles, getting comfortable. “You’re always ‘andsome.”

“So are you, you big flatterer.” He leans down to kiss his forehead, and starts rubbing gentle circles on his belly. “Feel better?”

“Mm-hm...” 2D hums happily. He’s silent for a bit, warm and content. Stuart’s hands feel like heaven on his aching stomach, rubbing his pain away and nearly lulling him to sleep. 

After a few long, blissful minutes, Stuart moves the massage upwards, working the knots out of 2D’s shoulders. A deep groan drifts from his husband’s mouth. “Blimey, Stu,” he sighs, opening one dark eye to peer up lovingly at him, “wot’d I ever do to deserve ya?”

He’s silent for a moment. “You smiled at me,” Stuart finally starts, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “You smiled at me, and you sang under your breath, and you laughed at your own jokes, and you made me fall in love with you. You changed my mind about wantin’ to start a family, and you gave birth to the most beautiful little baby I’ve ever seen. Our baby. Our Parker.”

2D’s eyes are welling up a bit, but Stuart keeps going. “You kiss me goodnight and good mornin’ every day. You sing in the shower. You walk around naked when your laundry’s in the wash because you don’t want to get even more of your clothes dirty in the meantime. You fall asleep while watchin’ your favourite films and then get sad that you missed the best parts. You leave scribbled song lyrics all over the house. You always tell me about cute dogs you’ve seen– even if you only remember to tell me when we’re in the middle of havin’ sex.”

“Tha’ was one time!”

“You dirty talk like a damn professional,” Stuart continues. “You make such pretty noises when– well, I don’t want to push the whole, er, no nut thing. But damn, you’re so fuckin’ good in the sack.” 

“Ain’t half bad, yourself,” 2D says, giggling a little. There’s still a tear lingering on his lower lashes, and Stuart brushes it away with impossible tenderness.

“You made me fall in love with you,” he repeats softly, voice growing more serious and yet more adoring. “You said yes when I asked you to be my boyfriend, and you said yes when I asked you to be my husband. Most importantly, though– you’re you, 2D. You’re wonderful. You’re beautiful, kind, talented, funny, sweet, so many other things that it would take all my life to list all the reasons why I love you.”

“Oh, St-Stu...”

“That’s what you did to deserve me, bluebird.” He cups his husband’s face. “You exist. Somehow, impossibly, you’re here. You’re here in my arms, in my life. Everythin’ I do for you...it’s to show my thanks for you. My love for you. And 2D, you deserve all of it and more.”

2D’s face is a mess of happy tears. “St-Stu,” he says again, sitting up and perching on his husband’s lap. “You– you shut up, an’ you kiss me. Right fuckin’ now.”

Stuart obeys, drawing him close and brushing a thumb over his love’s trembling lips before meeting them softly with his own. 

He doesn’t stop for a long, long, long time.