#they are best friends. they are the ultimate confidant. they r something more

[struckbyelectriclove]

writing kat and rowan like they’re slowly easing the “b” out of bromance is therapeutic

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Cherry on Top (Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader) Fluff

When the pining between Robin and the cute customer who comes into Scoops Ahoy becomes too much for Steve to bear, he hatches as plan to give them then gentle push they both so desperately need.

Word Count:1,184

Masterlist // Robin Buckley Masterlist

It was just a summer job Robin thought to herself. It's not forever.

Even so, working at Scoops Ahoy wasn't all that bad, sure the uniforms were silly, and slightly scratchy against her skin, the pay wasn't all that much, and sometimes customers were straight up rude. However, despite its ever-stacking list of cons, there were a few pros; such as staff discounts on ice cream, and working alongside Steve Harrington, who had surprisingly grown up a lot since high-school. Proving that he actually wasn't all that bad like she had been led to believe.

However Robin found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the cute customer who came in every Saturday, just to order the same thing she orders every time. One single scoop of chocolate, rainbow sprinkles with a cherry on top. 

Robin watched on from behind the crack in the serving window as the girl's eyes sparkled, and her smile beamed. No doubt laughing at Steve's attempt at flirtatious banter. 

Not that she’d ever tell him, but Robin was jealous of Steve. Jealous of the way the girl's eyes lit up when she looked at him, jealous of the way she laughed at every single one of his stupid jokes. How Steve seemed so effortlessly cool and calm, almost suave, around the girl that made Robin’s heart race annoyed her to no end.

“Hey Steve!” you cheer as you skip into Scoops ahoy on a hot Saturday afternoon. It was oddly quiet in the parlour today, save for a few people sitting in the booths

“Hey y/n! Same as usual?” he chirps back with his boyish smile.

“You know it!”

“Alright then, one scoop of chocolate, rainbow sprinkles and a cherry coming right up.” he smiles as he twirls his ice-cream scooper around with his fingers.

“So..Uh.. Steve, i-is Robin here today?” you ask him, your voice stuttering slightly with nerves.

“When are you just going to bite the bullet and ask her out already?” 

“Keep your voice down will ‘ya, Harrington, jeez” you whisper-shout as you shush him, looking around to see if anyone heard him.

“What? So you don’t want to take her out on a date and make out with her then?” he teases, as he hands you your ice-cream.

“I didn’t say that…” you drawl out, as you hand Steve over your money.

“Look, you think she’s cute, she thinks you’re cute, I don’t know what more you’re waiting for?” He softly laughs with a shake of his head.

“Wait…Robin thinks I’m cute? Did she say something to you?” you splutter at this revelation.

“Just leave it with me, alright? Think of me as your wing-man.” Steve says all too confidently. 

You eye him slightly, but ultimately decide that trusting him would be in your best interest, especially if it scored you a date with his best friend.

“I’ve got two tickets to see Footloose, c’mon Rob, don’t you wanna go with me..” Steve pleads down the phone.

Robin rolled her eyes at her friend. She could just see his floppy hair and dumb puppy-dog face in her mind, begging her to go with him.

“You’re actually asking me to go with you to see a musical? Steve, I thought you hated musicals? You told me you hated how unrealistic it was, and that ‘nobody bursts into song like that in real life’.” Robin teases with her impression of Steve. 

“Yeah, I know but you love ‘em, besides I’ve heard good things about this one.”

Robin rolled her eyes at her friend, but she’d already made her mind up that she was going to go, Steve was her best friend, and she’d do anything to make him happy. 

“Alright, what time is the movie?”

Robin Strolled up to the movie theatre, where Steve was already waiting for her outside.

“Hey! Robin!” Steve waves. “Over here!”

But as Robin got closer she could see the cute girl from the ice cream parlour.

“Hey look who I bumped into.” Steve smirked.

“Hi, Robin!” you wave cheerfully.

“Hey, yourself!” Robin replies, trying her best to play it cool. “So, what are you here to see?” 

“Oh I was just about to buy myself some tickets to see Footloose. Truth be told I have a soft spot for musicals.” you explain.

“Hey, why don’t you just take my ticket?” Steve offers, raising his eyebrows at you. This was his plan all along. He’d told you as much, explaining what was going to happen before he even phoned Robin. He was going to bail at the last minute to give you two some time alone together. It’s not that he didn’t love spending time with Robin, but the way she pined over you was beginning to become unbearable, so Steve took it upon himself, as your wing-man and Robin’s best friend to give you both the push you needed.

Robin looked at her friend like he had two heads. What was he doing leaving her alone with the girl she had been crushing on so badly that she’d barely spoken two whole sentences to her? 

“Oh Steve, you don’t have to do that!” you worry, before he assures that it’s no worries at all. 

“No, honestly, I insist. Dustin called me up earlier, said he needs me to pick him and the rest of the boys up from their little nerd club.”

“Well if you're absolutely sure” you say as you take the ticket Steve offers you.

“You girls go ahead and have fun without me!” He smiles triumphantly. 

Steve goes up to give Robin a hug before leaving, pulling her close enough to whisper in her ear.

“Enjoy your date, Dingus.” Steve whispers, pulling away from the hug with an affectionate smile.

You and Robin both sit through the movie, a shared bag of hot buttery popcorn sits between you both. Your hands grazing against each other a few times as you both reach for the bag at the same time, with a couple of mumbled apologies whispered to each other in between the music coming from the big screen.

The film draws to a close and you both exit the theatre with match smiles on your faces.

“I-I had a great time hanging out with you today.” Robin mumbles, her eyes looking down at the floor, because if she dared to look you in the eyes she would not be able to speak to you without fumbling over her words.

You tilt her chin up under your fingers, wanting to look at her properly.

You lean in close to her before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek, your lips brushing against her flushed features.

“I had a great time too!” you smile. “Perhaps we can do this again sometime, like a proper date?”

Robin beams at your suggestion, elated that this had gone well enough that you were willing to go on another date with her.

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Robin was going to have to give Steve the biggest thank you hug ever when she saw him next. 

@sunnythespookyghost @penguinsandpotterheads @xxhellfirebunnyxx @onegirlmanytales @mrsjellymunson @reidsbtch

[makkinmusic]

The songs for your next night time drive

One of my favorite things I did when I had nothing in particular going on was to go on night drives with my friends. A quick text on the group chat: “Who’s free rn to drive?” and the floods of texts would pop up

“Yes.”

“Downn.”

“Pick me up.”

I’d go get them and we’d go on various routes round our town; sometimes we’d drive over 30 minutes away from where we lived doing nothing but roll down the windows and listen to music as we made our way on the highways and the backroads. I highly recommend doing this as a form of therapy if you can. I also highly recommend listening to the songs I’ve put together for you to listen to or blast when you’re on your drive.

The Color Violet - Tory Lanez

This song meshes 80’s synth-pop and is meshed with modern-day R&B, which creates a very fresh, but nostalgic vibe. The song is upbeat, but almost complexed by an emotional aspect to the way the lyrics and music twist this tune. 

Location - Playboi Carti

I have to say that Playboi Carti’s entire debut album is such a great album to listen to on a nightdrive, but if I were to lock in on one single song, it would have to be this one. The melodious music with saxophone and calm drums creates an aesthetic rap feeling. The lyrics are not the main attraction of this song– or album in general– it’s more of the relaxed music in the background that creates a confident and nonchalant aesthetic to his songs. I would definitely listen to this song on full volume with my windows down and enjoy the music. 

Everyday - Ariana Grande

This song is kind of different from the other songs in the list because it doesn’t have the mystery and night time aspect that the other ones do. However, if you feel like screaming to Ariana and Future, this song is for you. Ariana Grande meshes R&B and pop into this song with amazing and loud vocals. Future comes in clutch with his great musical chemistry with Ariana’s lyrics. It’s something I listen to when I’m in a slump and kind of need to get a dance out. I highly recommend it. 

I Smoked Away my Brain - A$AP Rocky, Imogen Heap, Clams Casino

This song is one of the most ethereal songs I have heard in a long time. A$AP Rocky has been one of my favorite artists for a good amount of time, but a lot of his music I listen to in the background because I find it to be very calm and relaxed, but thins song, while being calm and relaxed, has a great sample from the song I’m God by Clams Casino which is a very mystical sound, kind of meshes with the nighttime. It’s very mysterious, but also sounds very free. A$AP Rocky originally released his song Demons, which covers the lyrical parts of this song, but some musical genius on the internet edited these two songs together, making it catch instant fame for a very good reason. This song sounds very magical and it's definitely something to elevate your night time drive experience. 

The Way Life Goes - Lil Uzi Vert, Oh Wonder

This song is one of my particular favorites by Lil Uzi Vert because of his melodic approach by featuring Oh Wonder’s song, Landslide. This made his music and lyrics sound more nostalgic, something I assume I’d listen to with the windows down when I’m reminiscing my past mistakes but knowing that time is the ultimate healer. I really appreciated Lil Uzi Vert’s versatility in taking up a kind of melodic approach to rap, which I feel like really makes listening to it feel more vibrant and different. This song makes me feel hopeful of the future and it hits even harder when I’m blasting this and singing it with my best friends.

I mainly chose these songs because they all fit the aesthetics of the night and the magical and mysterious feelings it cultivates, which I feel like the songs I chose replicate the feelings with their instrumentals and their lyrics. The next time you decide to go on a drive with yourself or your friend, add some of these songs to your cue!

[neondiamond]

⛄️ Recently Read Fics - January 2023 ⛄️

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 💙

⛄️ Bad Move, Just Act Normal by @berzerkshires (600, NR)

Quarterback Harry Styles wore rookie kicker Louis Tomlinson's jersey to a press conference.

⛄️ Little Taste by @wabadabadaba (1k, G)

a morning with little Harry and caregiver Louis.

⛄️ Let’s Get Skating by @wabadabadaba (1k, G)

Harry plans on going ice skating alone but those plans change when a very cute stranger forgets his headphones.

⛄️ (Route)r To My Heart by @itsnotreal (1k, M)

Harry’s upstairs neighbor is loud as fuck. What better way to deal with the problem than by being passive aggressive with his WiFi’s name?

⛄️ sweaty palms and racing hearts by @onlythebravest (1k, G)

A short story of two shy, nervous and blushing boys on a date at the cinema.

⛄️ Falling (For Two) by @louistomlionson (1k, NR)

In the middle of a morning run, Harry loses his balance. Niall and Louis are walking to their car just in time to witness his tumble and, lucky for him, more than happy to help.

⛄️ London by @hellolovers13 (2k, M)

A lazy morning in bed.

Finally home.

⛄️ Odd Dogs by @londonfoginacup (3k, G)

Zayn is not a dog person. Zayn does not understand dogs. He doesn’t know why they do what they do.

Yet here he is, at the doors of the Allegheny Dog Rescue, staring in at an odd dog and a blue eyed boy.

⛄️ Christmas Pretenders by @larryatendoftheday (4k, T)

When Niall convinced Louis to come home with him for the holidays as his fake boyfriend, he never expected he'd run into the loveliest man he'd ever seen.

⛄️ just an (un)ordinary evening by @onlythebravest (4k, E)

Harry and Louis during an ordinary weekday evening, having a somewhat slow and relaxing night together.

⛄️ You Taught Me A Lesson (That Feelings Are Reckless) by @whenyoucallmelover (5k, G)

the one where Harry and Louis live together but like to ignore each other... Until one day, they don't.

⛄️ ‘Sno(w) Joke by @sun-tomato (5k, NR)

The last thing Louis wanted was to get stranded on his birthday.

But perhaps it was exactly what he needed.

Featuring a snow storm, a library, and a very grumpy Harry Styles.

⛄️ The Hour of Us by @louistomlionson (5k, M)

Harry loves her quiet life with her two partners, Niall and Louis. But one day, her magic starts acting up. Will Harry be able to figure out what's happening, how to fix it, and soon?

⛄️ Wanted: Dog Walker by @louandhazaf (6k, G)

Louis needs a dog walker.

Harry answers the ad.

⛄️ All at once, this is enough by @lunarheslwt (7k, G)

Harry, overcome with burn out, wants to nest but he has never nested before, doesn’t know how to. Louis, his best friend, is only happy to help him make a nest and be there for him. Along the way, they find something more.

⛄️ All Shook Up by @littleroverlouis (9k, T)

Memphis, Tennessee is looking to crown the Ultimate Elvis Tribute artist. A majority of the contestants are content to shake their hips on stage, but singer-songwriter Harry is taking it more seriously. He is confident his voice and charisma will send him straight through to the finals.

He is already polishing his crown before even setting foot on stage, until he meets a fellow competitor. Louis is talented, charming, and a natural born performer. He commands the stage— and Harry's attention.

Harry has his eye on the prize and the Ultimate title, but what happens when someone becomes the ultimate prize?

⛄️ It’s Thursday. Let’s Get (un)Dressed. by @bananaheathen (9k, E)

When Louis is peer-pressured into downloading TikTok over the holidays, he fully expects to hate it. And he does hate it. All of it. Well... except for aspiring OOTD influencer, @harrystyles.

⛄️ Behind closed doors by @greenblueish (10k, E)

the one where omega Louis finds a sock on alpha Harry's door handle that causes a big misunderstanding but is also the beginning of something new.

⛄️ Midnight by @kingsofeverything (10k, E)

“Alphas are for fucking and pheromones,” Louis said during their first conversation, when he was moving into the building and Harry offered to help haul boxes up the stairs. “I’m perfectly capable of carrying my own groceries.”

Louis relented when his Omega friend Zayn intervened and asked if he was also capable of moving his couch by himself. All Harry’d wanted to do was be a good neighbor. Now, here he is, half a year later, balls deep and four months into a no strings attached, sex only situation with the Omega of his dreams. He’s still not sure how it happened.

⛄️ Eyes on the Horizon by @uhoh-but-yeah-alright (12k, E)

Freshly dumped, recently fired, and about to turn 40, Harry's friends insist on taking him skydiving to cheer him up. His younger and extremely fit instructor Louis makes him even more nervous than the idea of jumping out of a plane, but both may be exactly what he needs to turn his life around.

⛄️ maybe we could be enough by @liberty-barnes (13k, M)

Harry wasn’t afraid to admit that his wedding...well, his entire marriage, really, wasn’t exactly what he’d pictured.

He’d wanted a big celebration, with family on either side of the aisle, flowers everywhere, beautiful clothes, and most importantly: his loving fiancé waiting at the altar with a heart-stopping smile on his face.

He did not, however, get that beautiful wedding.

[or, five times Harry hated Louis, and one time he loved him.]

⛄️ Your Gift is Wasted On Me by @bravetemptation (54k, NR)

Omega Louis has severe touch deprivation and is averse to touch. But he’s fine. Really.

Alpha Harry is the new neighbor who loves to bake cookies and is very curious about the omega across the hall.

[themculibrary]

Fics Written Before 2014 Masterlist

99 problems (and the dice ain't one) (ao3) - kellifer_fic steve/tony, clint/phil, bruce/darcy T, 10k

Summary: Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved.

Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

All the Small Things (ao3) - haku23 steve/tony T, 3k

Summary: Steve gets zapped by a weird, alien ray and is changed back to regular old pre-serum Steve Rogers. Tony reacts differently than Steve would've liked.

Engaging the Enemy (ao3) - tsukinofaerii steve/tony T, 22k

Summary: Iron Man is one of the more persistent villains that the Ultimates face, with a special fondness for one Captain America. As Steve starts to findout more and more about him, the lines between hero and villain begin to blur. Sometimes, you don't have to be on the right side of the law to be in the right.

Even a Miracle Needs a Hand (ao3) - victoria_p (musesfool) clint/darcy G, 11k

Summary: When Darcy takes Clint home for the holidays as her fake boyfriend, he charms his way into the family, and into her pants heart.

Four (Or Five) Reasons for Kidnapping Tony Stark (ao3) - scifigrl47 steve/tony, clint/phil T, 78k

Summary: There are four reasons for kidnapping Tony Stark. Tony's sick of all of them. Well, there's potentially a fifth, but it's highly unlikely that Captain America will suddenly fulfill THAT fantasy. Tony's deeply disappointed about that.

Steve Rogers, as always, is oblivious. At least, that is, until someone who isn't him kidnaps Tony. Then he's just pissed.

He Ain't Heavy (He's Our Villain) (ao3) - goodboots jane/thor, loki/sif, clint/darcy N/R, 11k

Summary: In which Thor is foolishly loyal, Darcy still wants her iPod back, and Loki redeems himself, or something.

Hope is Not a Course of Action (ao3) - thatdamneddame clint/phil T, 12k

Summary: Clint loved Natasha like he loved a lot of stupid ideas.

Semaphore (ao3) - DevilDoll steve/tony, pepper/tony, steve/bucky, peggy/steve E, 40k

Summary: "I’m trying to like you, Tony. You’re just making it very hard." Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

the best of life is but intoxication (ao3) - kellifer_fic clint/darcy, jane/thor, steve/tony G, 4k

Summary: Where Steve and Darcy are platonic BFFs and Tony and Clint just aren't buying it.

The coming storm is gonna be a crazy ride (ao3) - twistedingenue clint/darcy, jane/thor M, 26k

Summary: Darcy manages to actually graduate, and things go downhill from there. There being crossing the stage. That's when it starts sucking.

The Joke (ao3) - Imbecamiel G, 7k

Summary: Steve's not usually oblivious - far from it, in fact. But he does have his moments.

Like when he didn't realize that the team was actually serious when they talked about Mjolnir being a magical weapon that only Thor could lift.

The Long Dark Night That Follows (ao3) - james clint/phil G, 6k

Summary: Clint decides it's time to leave the Avengers. Unfortunately, he forgot to tell the Avengers that.

The Only Hope For Me Is You (ao3) - foxxcub clint/phil, phil/pepper M, 11k

Summary: Of course Phil would get into Harvard; he was the valedictorian, student body president, honor society treasurer—it would’ve been a damn miracle if he hadn’t gotten in. In the meantime, Clint had two years of high school left, and Phil was just going to be...gone.

The Sky and Everything Beneath It (ao3) - jibrailis G, 7k

Summary: Steve goes on a road trip to clear his head, but the other Avengers won't leave him alone.

we were emergencies (ao3) - gyzym clint/natasha E, 37k

Summary: It's not about being unmade; it's about remaking, one aching step at a time.

[broken-clover]

20- Wonder

In another bizarre coincidence, I promise that I didn't know Super Mario Wonder was supposed to release today, the fact that this ended up the way that it did baffles me too. I did consider making this one Mario-centric to fit with the theme but admittedly I'm not super confident writing things for the mainline Mario series so I ultimately didn't go with that route.

Instead, I continue to dig around in my bag of weird fandom. I wanted to do something with The Suicide Squad because it's one of the few superhero movies I genuinely enjoy rewatching. How's that post go about seeing a character and knowing they're basically designed for you? Because that's pretty much Polka Dot Man for me. I'm still mad about it.

Content warnings for suicidal ideation, pretty much the same as canon. There is also a bit of alcohol and vomiting. I promise this does get happy, it's just that this is an R-rated movie full of fucked up characters

-

Corto Maltese was a beautiful place. The more time he spent on it, the more obvious that became. And the more obvious it became, the more he desperately tried to loathe it. Because he wasn’t supposed to have even made it that far.

Sheltered and stupid were two different things. Mother might have done her best to keep them all under as tight a watch as possible, but it hadn’t left Abner naive. The mortal dangers of Task Force X weren’t hypothetical. Most of them were fully expected to die and any survivors were just going to be tossed back into another, equally dangerous deathmarch later. It was exactly why he’d signed up in the first place. Of course he wasn’t going to make it out alive, he couldn’t even if he wanted to. It would be much faster than placing his hopes on a prison riot or slowly waiting for his disease to do its job.

Unfortunately, several things were getting in the way of his death wish. If there was one thing in the world he feared more than anything, it was being a disappointment. Being a disappointment was simply asking for mother and her friends to strap you down on the worktable until she found a way to fix it, to make it all better. If he so much as thought about abandoning the mission, mother’s face swam before him with a scowl. It could have been so easy, just run away until Waller decided it was too much and had the bomb in his neck detonated. It wouldn’t have even hurt. The thought of being a disappointment would have hurt more than any physical injury ever could.

Beyond that, it seemed his team- team, what an odd word for a group that could barely stand each other- were almost as lopsided in the head as he was. Nobody liked him, obviously, but they were often too busy bickering or getting distracted with their own business to hate him enough to just kill him and save them all a lot of trouble. Bloodsport and Peacemaker especially, those two had seemed so promising, but their constant bickering meant neither of them had even attempted to shoot him yet. King Shark wasn’t out of the question, but things weren’t looking too good on that front, either.

And, thirdly…the longer he was someplace beyond the sterile walls of S.T.A.R. labs or the high concrete walls of Belle Reve, the more he had started feeling emotions other than deep, all-consuming dread.

It frightened him. There was safety in being certain, even if that certainty was that nothing would ever get better. That he would never be anything more than a lab rat or a pawn to push around. Hadn’t he been tormented enough? What had he done to deserve it? Why did the universe have to torture him with hope?

It had been such a small thing at first, tumbling over itself to become an avalanching snowball. All he had done was his usual nighttime routine, expelling the dots that had built up across the day before they started to burn under his skin. When he’d sat back on his haunches after nearly puking his guts out, the nearby greenery had caught his sight. It was so mundane, so normal-looking, so…lovely. Vibrant, waxy green leaves that shone even in the dim light. Nothing like polished metal or unbending stone. In a moment of weakness, he’d allowed himself to touch it, and a sparkle of awe settled itself in his chest as his fingers traced the swooping branches.

He kept trying to step on it, but that little twinkle just wouldn’t die. More distractions kept getting in the way. More little things that stuck out to him. The bugs that hovered around the lights at night. The distant sound of water lapping against the island shore. Music floating out from the radios at Soria’s camp. The rough yet strangely cozy texture of the seats in Milton’s van.

While the others conversed through the ride to the bar, Abner watched the city go by from the bus windows. So many people doing their mundane little tasks up and down the streets. He wondered what it felt like. If he would ever get the chance to do something so simple.

(Why would he even ask that? Why would he entertain the thought that he ever would? Why, for even just a second, did he hope…?)

The ruckus inside the building hurt unlike anything else ever had. It compelled him. Likewise for the tiny glass of alcohol that Peacemaker had ordered for everyone at the table. He knew what alcohol was, but had never tried it for himself. People seemed awful fond of it, though, so he expected it had to be interesting.

Oh.

Horrible. It was horrible!

How fantastic!

It stank, like the bodies around him did. It burned as it went down his throat. Ratcatcher 2 offered him her unfinished shot, and he took it. Someone else slid him a new, full one. He drank and drank until whoever it was finally stopped putting more alcohol in front of him. Which was well enough, because his vision had started to go fuzzy, and it would have been a struggle to hold the glass without dropping it.

They were supposed to be keeping an eye out for Grieves, but the longer the night went on, the more they started to get distracted by the goings-on. Flagg was flirting with somebody across the way, and Peacemaker and Ratcatcher 2 had gotten up to join the crowd on the dance floor. Abner had joined them briefly upon the latter’s insistence, but quickly grew too dizzy from all the lights and spinning and excused himself.

At some point, after a long, slow blink, he’d opened his eyes to find himself with his knees pressing against tile and his head dangling above a toilet. He contemplated the situation momentarily before his stomach decided to empty itself. Thankfully, there were only a few glowing dots mixed into the bile and secondhand alcohol, enough to fizzle but not to eat right through the bowl.

It was a small relief, as he immediately puked again. Alright. Alcohol wasn’t quite as fun as people made it look.

Something behind him squeaked, in the high-pitched way animals did. Sure enough, when he had enough energy to turn his head and not immediately get Dizzy again, a rat had scuttled under the stall door to stare at him.

“Huh?” He squinted through the blurry vision. He recognized this one, didn’t he?

Something knocked on the bathroom door thrice, then it squealed open. “Abner? Are you in here?”

“Rat-” he coughed on his own spit. “Ratcatcher 2? Wuh- why are you here? Isn’t this the men’s room?”

“Sebastian said you got stuck. The others were busy, so I thought I should check to make sure you were okay.”

It was bizarre to consider. Someone cared enough to do that?

He let the rat crawl up his back to unlatch the swinging door. The girl approached him, and the look of concern on her face was as genuine as her tone. “Are you alright?” She asked, brow furrowing. “You don’t look too good. Should I get Robert?”

Abner grinned, looking like death warmed over yet never feeling more alive. “I'm just wonderful.”

That little sparkle wasn’t going to die anytime soon, not like this. But more and more of him was starting to be okay with that.

[soclonely]

A, K, L, M, P, R, S, T, U, V, X, Z

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed. ~ OHHH Okay. Specifically obsessing over a platonic business friendship relationship between 99, Alpha, and Shaak Ti. I just love the thought of the three of them working together to raise cadets into strong and smart troopers. Also really enjoying Jocasta Nu x Dooku. I think they would be in love and happy on a farm somewhere far away from Coruscant.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

~ JarJar Binks YES DESPITE WHAT EVERYONE SAYS. He gains confidence, respect, and geunuinely grows to care more about the Republic and people of Naboo (not just himself and gungans)

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.

~Anakin Skywalker, ya got some nice hair kid.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

~ Fives. He just seems so fun and down to Earth and I would honestly enjoy having a friend like that right now.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Hockey AU, always

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

~ Padme and JarJar. THEY ARE BESTIES S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

~Hardcase took dance lessons while in Coruscant on leave so he could teach the rest of Torrent while in open space on some of their free nights T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

~ Captain Rex cannot cook and is absolutely never allowed near the kitchen for anything. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

~ Star Wars: 99 because he is ultimate big brother and my legitimate family ~ YuYu Hakusho: Kurama. I love his two personalities ~ Beyblade: Bryan my ADHD King V - Which character do you relate to most?

~ Currently? Captain Rex. I'm very, very tired.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

~ Friends to Idiot Family <3 Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

~ I just really want to take the time and say that I am really appreciating a lot of the actors and actresses in the star wars fandom lately, especially after seeing pedro pascal last night. For the most part, everyone in Star Wars franchise seems to be amazingly real people (with the exception of a few) and it makes me happy to know these people exist to make it such a fun filled galaxy

[your-queer-dad]

Hi Dad,

This isn’t explicitly queer-related, but I believe that it is a topic which you would possibly be somewhat knowledgeable about, and I am looking for some support. I’ve been thinking about this for a few years, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m undiagnosed autistic. I meet most of the criteria, multiple diagnosed autistic people have asked me if I am autistic and said that I should look into it, I got over 200 on the Raads-r test, and, in general, I feel that I am informed enough to think I am likely autistic, and possibly self-diagnose myself. However, I regularly feel like I’m faking it or something. I have lower needs and I don’t think the average person would be able to clock me as autistic before knowing me, as I mask very strongly in public. I mostly realized that I may be autistic because a close friend of mine went through the diagnostic process, and I related a lot to her experiences. This makes me feel like I’m only thinking this because of my friend. Also, I feel like I’m being the stereotypical blue-haired queer teenager who wants to be special. I think that feeling more comfortable in my identity as an autistic person would help to validate my experiences, and being able to get an official diagnosis, or at least confidently self-diagnose myself, would help a lot for my mental state, for my perspective on myself, and for my future education and career. I don’t know if this is something I should bring up to my therapist, to my parents, to my doctor, or if I should wait until I’m older, or if it isn’t something I should bring up at all. I’ve also heard a lot of different things about self-diagnosis, and I’m not sure what to think. I don’t want to make any wrong assumptions or hurt anyone by forcing my way into a marginalized group. Do you have any idea how I can figure out whether or not self-diagnosing myself, or pursuing an official diagnosis, would be a good idea? Or how to tell if I’m just making it up in my head? Or give me some assurance that I’m not faking it for attention? My apologies for how long this got…I really appreciate you reading it and being here. Thank you very much,

Gray 📃

(In case it is confusing: this is the same Gray from a few weeks ago, who you may or may not recall [no worries either way]. I’m doing considerably better than I was when I sent the last ask to you :)

Hey kiddo! As someone who is currently in the process of getting a diagnosis myself, I completely understand that feeling. But I think ultimately you know you best, only you know what's going on in your head 24/7 and I think if you know youre autistic, I believe you. A lot of people know reliablly that they're autistic rather than a therapist.

- dad x

[banitsabby]

February 18, 2023

I think I've made some personal progress. I've realized that I have very low self-worth. Self-worth is different from self-esteem in that the former is not conditional on anything. It doesn't matter if you don't succeed academically, weren't acting as the best possible friend, or forgot to vacuum the basement stairs, you are not worthless; you are still a person worthy of love and life. After talking with my friend, N, and doing some research, I think I my esteem (or confidence) is based in performance at school/ academia, relationships with friends, family, and my partner. This last one was pretty eye-opening to me. I am a people-pleaser to a fault. It's not that I necessarily avoid conflict with others, but I ultimately want them to like me and impress them. And if (and when) I inevitably fall short of this, it destroys me.

I remember one time I woke up on a weekend morning to find M's Dad, R, vacuuming the car that was full of Juno hair. I felt incredibly shameful and like I had failed him and now he would forever hate me. I rushed outside and helped him finish the job, but then spent about 30 minutes upstairs later silently crying on my bed, feeling totally worthless.

This doesn't mean that I can leave myself "off the hook" when I make a mistake. Instead of thinking "you're worthless, you don't deserve love," I can start thinking something like "you made a mistake, that's okay, you're trying your best and these things happen." It's important that I develop some compassion for myself and speak to myself more kindly.

[soleilsogolden]

The Beauty Behind SZA's (only) Studio Album, Ctrl

SZA is one of the biggest female artists in the music industry. Having received 21 awards for her music, there is no doubt that SZA has made a name for herself in the R&B music scene. That said, it comes as a surprise that she has only released one official studio album to date: Ctrl. All it took was this one album for SZA to take the world by storm. This record is a powerful compilation of slow-paced angelic vocals, deeply personable memoirs, and dreamy background instrumentals that offer a brutally honest look at the aftereffects of being in unhealthy relationships. 

The release of SZA’s debut album, Ctrl, was long-awaited by underground-music fans who happened to stumble upon her self-released EPs from the early 2010s. But, this album is much different from her past work; It is a complex musical diary decorated with trap beats, offering raw lyricism surrounding the perils of being a woman in today’s dating world. Despite what the title may suggest, the album Ctrl seems to be more about SZA losing control than gaining it. She discusses her inability to balance her relationship with herself and her lovers. The opening track, "Supermodel," sets the tone for the rest of the album, serving as a confessional song directed towards a past boyfriend of hers: 

Let me tell you a secret-

I been secretly banging your homeboy

Why you in Vegas

All up on Valentine's day?

SZA mentions in an interview with Entertainment Weekly that the narrative discussed in this track is based on true events and that it would be the first time the ex-boyfriend would hear about her revenge. When listening to this honest recount of SZA’s turbulent past, you cannot help but feel the same way you would when offering a listening ear to your best friend as they vent about their struggles with finding love. That feeling of comfort in knowing they can confide in you, but the hurt in knowing that you have felt similar pain before.

Before we go on, let's get one thing straight: Ctrl is by no means a sorrowful collection of tearful, self-pitying ballads. The record is an empowering reclamation of self. Tracks such as “Normal Girl” and “20 Something” tackle themes of womanhood and self-discovery. These are the types of songs you play on the anxious car ride to your hair salon where you plan on getting the cathartic “post-breakup haircut.” They are the songs you sing aloud with your friends after having bittersweet  “remember when…” conversations. The songwriting in both songs is painfully relatable and captivates the listener through moody instrumentals and graceful singing. 

The standout track, "Drew Barrymore," is a melodic song that speaks to every young woman who has ever struggled with body image and self-acceptance. Consider the following lyrics: 

I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth

We get so lonely, we pretend that it's worse

I'm so ashamed of myself, think I need therapy

I'm sorry I'm not more attractive

I'm sorry I'm not more ladylike

I'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night

In these strip-backed lines, SZA acknowledges the high societal standards placed on women. She proceeds to apologize for not behaving or portraying herself in the ways that the “ideal” woman should. As revealed in a Rolling Stones interview, the title of the track is a direct reference to the iconic female roles played by legendary actress, Drew Barrymore, who SZA felt were representations of self-proclaimed outcasts who are still worthy of love despite their flaws. Ultimately, this song acts as a  statement piece for SZA, as it is an excellent display of honest self-perception and vulnerability, reminiscent of the self-deprecating lyrical style of Amy Winehouse. 

Although SZA managed to create what most of her fans have deemed a “no-skip album,” there are a few misfires throughout the record that are hard to ignore. Take the track “Doves in the Wind'' ft. Kendrick Lamar, for example, in which the word “p**sy is repeated 28 times in under four minutes. The provocative lyrics suggest that the objective of the song is to expose the sexual desperation of men while simultaneously honoring the divinity of the female body. But, idle wordplay and nonsensical lines such as “P**sy can be so facetious, the heavyweight champ. P**sy is so undefeated, let's amen to that” read as satire and fall short of effectively expressing the central theme.

Ultimately, Ctrl, to its core, is a deeply personal and beautiful representation of where SZA’s mind was at when navigating her mid-twenties. Her ability to frame her painfully honest personal stories in a way that feels like a warm hug takes great creative foresight and musical talent. The vulnerability of this album makes for the perfect soundtrack for those seeking a musical journey of self-discovery and reflection.

[tumblingxelian]

RWBY Analysis brain is active. Must use now before I get distracted.

I think what's more interesting about the nature of Ozpin and his Ozluminati is not that they're just failed versions of their Oz allegories, but that they're Oz allegories who are basically what would happen if the party had gotten the false gifts of Oz without going through any significant personal growth.

A large part of the original Wizard of Oz emphasized that the party always embodied or had what they needed to succeed and be the best of themselves, but they needed to develop as people in order to truly recognize that. It was only after this period of growth that they find out that Oz was a fraud, but while his placebo gifts were just that, they still had the self-confidence and understanding from their experiences to accept that they had the qualities needed all along to be great.

In RWBY however, Ozpin deliberately searched out for his Oz counterparts in order to give himself personal strike teams and fellow conspirators within each of the kingdoms, usually through pushing up people he chose into positions of power, overlooking their flaws and sweeping their mistakes under the rug.

However, in doing so, while it might have gotten him the agents he needed, in regards to the parallels to the Wizard of Oz, it also ended up basically stunting the growth of the characters because he basically gave them the equivalent of Oz's placebo gifts without them ever developing the experience and core traits needed to stand without them.

Lionheart was noted to be a courageous man at one point, but due to the implications of him being a Faunus in the middle of a highly racist country of Mistral, possibly combined with the knowledge of Salem's destructive power, his false courage provided by Ozpin would have flagged and faltered, and Ozpin not really providing any significant support (tellingly, Lionheart is the only Headmaster without an aide or support) would have only exacerbated this. The Lion having the support of his friends and his own innate courage buried deep down helped him grow past his insecurities, while the lack of either ultimately led Lionheart down a dark path.

Ironwood is implied through what happened with RWBY and CFVY to have been favored by Oz, basically pushing him up the ranks at a much faster rate than he likely would have otherwise, overlooking his flaws and probably his past mistakes, and eventually leading him to become the ruler of Atlas in many aspects, much like how his counterpart in the OG story became leader of the Winkies after his journey.

However, Ironwood's ascent made him spoiled and unable to really self-assess himself properly, while Atlas' culture made him cold-hearted and easily prone to callous disregard of his subjects, while the Tin Woodman's journey showed the deeply loving heart that he still possessed, and helped him grow as a person to become a kind and just ruler. And when Ozpin's support disappeared, Ironwood in essence lost his placebo and became even more cruel and blind to his own flaws.

Qrow's an interesting case because he's not lacking in intelligence, so much as he puts his worth and intelligence on his loyalty to Ozpin, effectively his placebo. This probably stems from the fact that he had prior experience as a bandit, and he's not as dependent on the placebo as the others are. That said, the fact that his emotional worth is dependent on Oz's approval of him meant that when Oz's deceit was revealed, it basically tore down part of his foundation and left him struggling with something that he had never truly needed to face. The only reason why things didn't get any worse for him is because he wasn't entirely dependent on it like the other Oz-parallels so far, having arguably had to be closer to the true danger and having to experience much of the journey like Team Remnant due to being a spymaster somewhat mitigated the harm caused by Oz's false gifts.

And that's really the crux of it: The experiences that Team Remnant go through is their saving grace, because it mirrors Dorothy's journey through Oz, the trials they went through that allowed them to fully understand their own inner strength and overcome their flaws. Ozpin's favor, his placebo gifts, ultimately stunted the people he gave it to because he denied them of the valuable experiences that would have allowed them to overcome the problems they faced in the story. And I think it's likely that if RWBY had not gone on the journey, if they had stayed at Beacon un-attacked...they very well might have ended up only as yet another version of that problem. Just like team STRQ. Just like the Ozluminati.

Oooh fun!

OwO. this sounds very interesting and like there will be some deep meta cuts!

That is an excellent summary as to the themes of Oz and how the plot went. Though cos of RWBY & my brain I am not remembering Futurama "Who needs courage when you have a gun."

Yeah that is quite a solid take, though I would note that with Ironwood at least, it seems he was kind of foisted on them, or so I hear, that might have just been a theory.

Mhm, that's a good comparison/contrast of insight there!

OK this is excellent and I honestly want to use it as a script for a vide, can I do that?

I was not aware the Tin Woodsman became a leader!?!? Neat!

Oooh losing his placebo, I like it and it fits with how Ironwood was both invested in Ozpin deeply but also not impacted by hi at all in reality.

I think thematically its more that he ignored his own intellgience and et Ozpin do his thinking for him, Raven thought to question Ozpin, Qrow refused to even consider it till a sword was in his face. But I also really like your spin, kudos there!

Excellent conclusion this is marvelous!

[insomniacwritersblog]

the friendships between the five girls in murder most unladylike are really important and here's why

this will contain SPOILERS for all nine books in the mmu series, so read at your own risk

*cracks knuckles* i don't actually crack my knuckles, but this is probably gonna be long, so settle in

ever since once upon a crime came out i've been back on my mmu bullshit, and i was thinking about how good and important the friendships between daisy, hazel, kitty, beanie and lavinia are, and how much they all support each other, which is so important. here's why

kitty: i'm starting with kitty, because out of all of them, she has the most solid support unit in her family. she has a nice middle class life, with a nice family. her parents also seem to have a pretty solid and healthy relationship (in top marks for murder, we find out her mother is pregnant, and given that kitty and her sister are already in their teens, this indicates that their parents have a pretty healthy sexual relationship; obviously pregnancy can happen easy, but i hope you get the point). anyway. in jolly foul play, kitty's younger sister "runs away", which kitty is worried about given that her sister had been involving herself in the fallout of the murder and the gossip about the older pupils at the school. the rest of her friends help find her sister. i can't think of many other instances where the murder cases get personal for kitty, but when she needs her friends, they're there for her. another note, kitty is really protective and close with beanie, and has beanie stay with her during the christmas holidays while her parents are away because beanie's mother is ill (this is in the case of the missing bunbreak which is a short story - also! - kitty gets beanie a dictaphone because beanie isn't so good at writing stuff up)

beanie: out of all of them, beanie is the one that seems to value her friends the most, and this really shows. most obviously is in jolly foul play, when beanie knowingly puts herself between her friends and the girl they just discovered is the murderer. beanie. who originally has this nickname because she is physically small. she ends up in the school hospital afterwards, but she was able to protect her friends. beanie's friends are also very protective of her, probably because she is so loveable, which we see in top marks for murder. remember when her dad shows up by himself, and beanie is freaked out because she had recently seen a man strangle/attempting to strangle a woman in the woods? she goes running off, and her friends go after her and hug her and reassure her. good stuff.

lavinia: lavinia as a character is complicated, but here we go. she is very much the "gruff character with a heart of gold" character, but it feels pretty reasonable. in the very first paragraph of the first book, it is mentioned that lavinia comes from a "broken home" i.e. her parents are divorced. i think we find this out even before we find out hazel is chinese. so yeah, given that divorce was pretty uncommon in the 30s, escpecially among wealthier people, i think this affected lavinia pretty hard, and as a result of the fallout from her parents' marriage, she decided she didn't need anyone (this is my interpretation, take it or leave it, but i have proof. it's mentioned that lavinia has older brothers, so i think even when she was a child growing up, lavinia didn't have the experience of parents who loved her and each other, that their marriage was on the rocks for a while, and eventually they decided to just end with divorce, damn the repurcussions, damn the fact that it will be a talking point at their daughter's school). she also doesn't have a significant best friend, which must feel kind of lonely in her dorm because kitty and beanie are best friends, as are daisy and hazel. but she's not entirely a lone wolf, even if it seems like it at first. daisy and hazel's first case is finding lavinia's tie, because lavinia asked them for help. when daisy inducts lavinia into the detective society in the fourth book, it's because lavinia asked to be part of it, and even though she mocks daisy's solemn rituals, hazel notes that she seems pleased to be part of it. when daisy and hazel come back to school at the start of the book, lavinia makes a "we didn't really miss you" comment, but hazel can tell she doesn't mean it. hazel also notes that lavinia seems pleased when the others tell her and daisy about lavinia being good at tennis; this contrasts with the tennis exhibition scene later in the book when her father's fiancée is cheering her on. essentially, lavinia's rejection of parental figures means that she probably values her friends all the more, and the support they give her. a couple of instances of her being a good friend to the others that stick out as well: in jolly foul play, when kitty's sister binny is found, and binny says she is hungry, lavinia is the one to give her some chocolate. lavinia also decides to crash at kitty's during the christmas holidays rather than spend them with her father and his fiancée. this has got too long, let's move on.

daisy: a bit like lavinia, daisy can be a bit mean to/reject others, which i think comes down to her confidence and self-assurance. these are great personality traits, don't get me wrong, but there can be downsides to them. for example, in jolly foul play, daisy feels less self-assured about her friendship with hazel because hazel and alexander have started to write to each other after meeting on the orient express (i'd also point out that this is at a time when daisy probably needs support more than ever because she and her family are probably still dealing with the aftermath of the murder and murder trial, which was probably quite a big deal). at one point, hazel sees daisy making lists and writing notes about the murder, the things that hazel usually does during an investigation. we can put this rejection of friendship with hazel down to daisy's insecurity. even earlier in the series is arsenic for tea, where i can think of two significant moments. firstly, daisy and hazel see her mother secretly making out with a man that is not daisy's father. rough, which is why afterwards hazel comforts her. the second instance is when daisy and hazel overhear a conversation between the butler and daisy's father, and without complete context, it seems to confirm that daisy's father is the murderer. at first daisy won't acknowledge it, and hazel has to practically put the words in her mouth, which is a pretty tense and emotional moment. it's not really an argument, but hazel has to force her best friend to confront the fact that her father may have committed a murder, which again ties into her self-assurance. in the first book, hazel writes about the honourable daisy wells; popular, pretty, clever, the daughter of a lord. she is storybook perfect, but in the second book, we see that things aren't as perfect as they seem. daisy finds out her mother's infidelity, and later fears that the father she adores may be a murderer. her self-assurance about that everything in her life is golden begins to falter, and so she relies on herself and her friends to work through the murder case. daisy is also a good friend though, especially to hazel. yes, she can be mean and teasing sometimes, but ultimately she is a good friend. when hazel's grandfather dies in a spoonful of murder, the first thing we hear daisy say about it is "i guess i'm coming to hong kong then". hazel needed daisy and daisy is there for her. daisy comforts hazel through grief over her loss, jealousy about her new baby brother, and guilt about the subsequent kidnapping and murder that takes place. and in death sets sail? daisy saves the life of hazel's youngest sister may. literally, because may is maybe seven or eight, and probably can't swim. hazel and her family and everyone else is panicking, but daisy kind of just runs straight into the situation, never mind the danger, she has to save hazel's sister. and she does. also a couple of things to note about this scene, when daisy turns to look back just before she goes overboard, hazel wonders if it was because amina was watching, and daisy wanted to impress her. but hazel also hears daisy say her name just before she goes overboard. in that scene, through all the stress daisy was thinking about hazel, her friend, and saving her friend's little sister.

hazel: finally, we come to hazel. out of all of them, maybe even more than beanie, i would say that hazel values her friends the most. for the obvious reason, her family lives on another continent, and therefore it's important to have some strong connection with the people she does have near to her. at first it's just kind of necessity? when she first comes to deepdean, hazel is shy and no-one really talks to her, and she is pretty much just a sort of curiosity, very much the "other". it is after daisy watches hazel's failed experiment in fitting in with the other girls, and realises how she is clever and observant and puts on an act for others (which hazel also recognises in daisy), that daisy decides that they're going to be friends. it's also my theory that this then leads to kitty, beanie and lavinia befriending her a bit more. while they probably weren't unkind or r*cist to her, they probably let the "otherness" of hazel's ethnicity and nationality act as a barrier to properly getting to know her, which was probably exacerbated by the fact that hazel is quite introverted (compared to amina for example, who is very outgoing and lively, which meant that everyone at deepdean immediately loved her - there is something to be said about the fact that people probably didn't regard amina with the same amount of "otherness" because if they can have a asian pupil at their school, why not an african one?). hazel is also a kind person, which makes her a good friend to the others. near the end of death sets sail, she helps look for the cook's brooch which had been a gift from daisy, and later comforts kitty about not having a boyfriend. but hazel also relies on her friends, and they support her. when hazel's grandfather dies and her father wants her to come home, she insists on having daisy with her. kitty tells hazel about the fact that alexander is clearly pining for her. in the first book when everyone is discussing the teacher that has gone missing (because she's been murdered) beanie brings up a rumour that the teacher is "an agent for the East" then panics and apologises to hazel (something hazel notes that only beanie would think to do). there are other facets of hazel and her friendships, that i could explore, but i am tired and this has gone on long enough.

if you have reached the end, congratulations. hopefully you enjoyed this essay length ramble about female friendships in the murder most unladylike series

[melisa-may-taylor72]

QUEEN BEFORE QUEEN

THE 1960s RECORDINGS

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

PART 4:

THE OPPOSITION

JOHN DEACON WAS THE QUIETEST MEMBER OF A MIDLAND-BASED FIVE-PIECE WHOSE GREATEST AMBITION WAS TO PLAY ANOTHER GIG.

Initial research John S. Stuart. Additional research and text: Andy Davis.

John Deacon was the fourth and final member to join Queen. He became part of that regal household 25 years ago this month, enrolling as the band’s permanent bassist in February 1971. His acceptance marked the culmination of a six-year ‘career’ in music, much of which he spent in an amateur, Leicestershire covers band called the Opposition.

From 1965 until 1969, Deacon and his schoolmates ploughed a humble, local furrow in and around their Midlands hometown, reflecting the decade’s mercurial moodswing with a series of names, images and styles of music. The most remarkable fact about the Opposition was just how unremarkable the group actually was.

Collectively, they were an unambitious crew: undertaking precisely no trips down to London to woo A&R men; winning only one notable support slot for the army of chart bands who visited Leicester in the ‘60s (opening for Reperata & the Delrons in Melton Mowbray in 1968); and managing even to miss out on the option of sending a demo tape to any of the nation’s record labels. The band’s saving grace is its solé recorded legacy: a three-track acetate — although even this was done for purely private consumption, and has rarely been aired outside the confines of their inner circle.

It is perhaps indicative of the Opposition’s modest outlook that their most promising bid for stardom, a beat contest, was called off before they had the chance to play in the finals. For John Deacon and friends, it seems, merely being in a band was reward enough.

Considering of all of this, it’s easy to imagine the response to the following story, related in the ‘60s to one of the Opposition’s guitarists, Ronald Chester:...[ ]

...[ ] “There was a teacher who worked at Beauchamp School, which John attended, who told fortunes. They went to see her one Saturday and were told, ‘John Deacon is going to be world famous and very, very rich. Of course, they all fell about laughing. She was determined that this was going to happen. But they all thought it was a joke."

What particularly amused Deacon’s colleagues was the unlikeliness of this scenario, given the plain facts of his demeanour. John was born in Leicester in 1951, the product of affluent, middle-class, middle England. As a youngster, he was known to his friends as ‘Deaks’ and grew up to be quiet and reserved, what Mark Hodkinson referred to in ‘Queen — ‘The Early Years’ as “a ghost of a boy".

“He is basically shy,” confirms Richard Young, the Opposition’s first guitarist/vocalist, and later keyboardist. “I suppose he was quieter than the rest of us — but he was fairly static with Queen if you look at him on stage.”

Ron Chester agrees: “John was quiet by nature. His sister, Julie, was the same. Once he got going, though, he wasn’t any different from anybody else. But on first approach, you really had to coax him out of his shell. We’d have to pick him up. He couldn’t walk down the road to meet us."

CONFIDENT

Despite any lack of personal dynamics, Deacon was a capable teenager: “He was very confident," recalls another of the band’s guitarists, David Williams. “But in a laidback sort of way. He didn’t have a problem with anything. ‘Yeah, I can do that’, he’d say. We used to call him ‘Easy Deacon’, not because of any sexual preferences, but because he’d say something was easy without it sounding big-headed. I remember saying to him once, I’m going to have to knock off the gigs a bit to revise for my ‘A’ levels. What about you?’ ‘No’, he said, ‘I don’t need to. I’ve never failed an exam yet, and I’ve never revised for one’. Ultimately, he was just confident, with a phenomenally logical mind. If he couldn’t remember something, he could work it out. And, of course, he got stunning results.”

John’s earliest interest was electronics, which he studied into adulthood. He also went fishing, trainspotting even, with his father. Then music took over. After dispensing with a ‘Tommy Steele’ toy guitar, John used the proceeds from his paper round to buy his first proper instrument, an acoustic, when he was about twelve. An early musical collaborator was a school mate called Roger Ogden, who like Roger Taylor down in Cornwall, was nicknamed ‘Splodge’. But his best friend was the Opposition’s future drummer, Nigel Bullen.

“I’d first got to know John at Langmore Junior School in Oadby, just outside Leicester, in either 1957 or 1958,’' recalls Nigel. “We were both the quiet ones. We started playing music together at Gartree High School, when we were about thirteen. We were inspired by the Beatles — they made everybody want to be in a group. John was originally going to be the band’s electrician, as he called it. He used to build his own radios, before we had any amps, and he fathomed a way of plugging his guitar into his reel-to-reel tape recorder. He was always the electrical boffin."

The prime mover in the formation of the group was another Oadby boy they met on nearby Uplands Park, Richard Young. “Richard was at boarding school," recalls Nigel Bullen. “He was always the kid with the expensive bike. He played guitar, and what’s more had a proper electric, with an amplifier. He instigated getting the band together. Initially, we rehearsed in my garage, and then anywhere we could. John played rhythm to begin with. He was a chord man, the John Lennon of the group, if you like."

SWITCH

Despite his later switch to the bass, Deacon’s technique on the guitar also developed, as Dave Williams reveals: “Later on, I remember he could play ‘Classical Gas’ on an acoustic, which was a finger-picking execise and no mean feat. It’s a bit like ‘McArthur Park’, a fantastic piece of music, and when I heard it, I thought, ‘Bloody hell. You dark horse!’ Because he never showed off."

The Opposition’s first bassist was another school friend of John’s called Clive Castledine. In fact, the group made its debut at a party at Castledine’s ouse on 25th September, 1965 (their first public performance took place the...[ ]

...[ ] following month at Gartree’s school hall). Clive looked good and appreciated the kudos of being in a group, but he wasn’t up to even the Opposition’s schoolboy standards. “I was the least proficient, to put it mildly,” he admitted to Mark Hodkinson.“His enthusiasm was 100%,” adds Richard Young, “but his actual playing ability was null, so we had a meeting and got rid of him.” Deacon took over, initially playing on his regu­lar guitar, using the bottom strings. “John was good,” Young continues. “It was no problem for him to switch to bass. He hit the right notes at the beginning of the bar, and we were a better band for it. Whereas Clive made us sound woolly, as anyone who just plonked away on any old note would, John was solid.”

DIARY

Young turned out to be the Opposition’s archivist, keeping a diary of each gig played, the equipment used, and the amounts of money earned (as indeed did John Deacon). Richard’s diary documented the day Deacon — now, of course, bassist in one of the world’s most famous groups — first picked up his chosen instrument. “In an entry for 2nd April, 1966,” says Young, “it reads, ‘We threw Clive out on the Saturday afternoon. Had a practice in Deaks’ kitchen, and Deaks went on bass. Played much better.’ John didn’t have a bass, so we went down to Cox’s music shop in King Street in Leicester, and bought him an EKO bass for £60. I paid for it, but I think he paid me back eventually.”

“John’s bass style with the Opposition was the same as with Queen,” reckons Nigel Bullen. “He never used to play with a plectrum, which was unusual, but with his fingers, which meant that his right hand is drooped over the top of the guitar. Also, he plays in an upward fashion, which I’d never seen before, certainly when we were in Leices­ter. Over the years, I’ve watched many bass players adopt that style. I’d say he has been copied a lot. I’ve mentioned this to him, but he doesn’t agree.”

Clive Castledine wasn’t the last member of the band to be dismissed. “The vocal and lead guitar side of the Opposition was changing all the while,” recalls Nigel. “Myself, John, and Richard Young were always there — as were Dave Williams and Ron Chester later on — but we had a succession of other musicians who I can hardly remember now. There was a guy called Richard Frew in the very early days, and a young lad called Carl, but he didn’t fit in. After we began playing proper gigs, Richard decided he wasn’t happy with his singing and wanted to move onto keyboards, so we brought in Pete Bart (formerly with another local band, the Rapids Rave) as a guitarist and vocalist. He was good, but again, didn’t last long.”

“Bart was a bit of a rocker, while we were all mods,” remarks Dave Williams. “We were impressed by mod bands like the Small Faces and the original Who. Bart seemed to come from a different era altogether.”

“Deaks had the Parka with the fur collar,” remembers Ron Chester. “And short hair, a crew cut. Mirrors on his scooter.” Richard Young agrees: “John was more of a mod than us. But you couldn’t really pigeonhole the band, because our music went right across the board”.

”Buying Deacon his bass was no one-off, and Richard Young is remembered as the group’s benefactor. Being older than the others, he had a steady job working for his father’s electronics company in Leicester, which brought him a regular, and by all accounts, generous wage. He rarely thought twice before splashing out on equipment for the other members.

RECEIPTS

“Richard bought me a P.A.,” recalls David Williams. “But he didn’t ask, he used to think that the group needed it. He’d buy it and then say, ‘You owe me this’. My mum used to get really annoyed. She’d was at that going- through-my-pockets stage, probably looking for contraceptives. She once found a receipt from Moore and Stanworth’s, a local music shop. It was for a Beyer microphone, which cost about £30. I was still at school, getting pocket money, and my mum said, ‘What on earth is this?!’ Receipts on the Sunday dinner table, that sort of thing. It was good, though. The group needed it.”

“I was dead serious about the band,” claims Young, who switched to organ with the arrival of Williams in July 1966. “Perhaps more so than anybody else. I could see it going nowhere if money wasn’t pumped into it.”

“Dick Young was an accomplished organ player,” adds Dave, “and he improved the group quite a lot. He always had plenty of dosh, and a car. But he was totally mad, a crazy bloke. He’d come round with an organ one week, then next week, he’d have a better one. He ended up with a Farfisa, with one keyboard on it, then one with two keyboards — one above the other. Then he had a Hammond, an L 100. which was really heavy. Then he had a ‘B’ series one. The ‘L’ was top-of-the-range and he sawed it in half to make it easier to carry!”

Dave Williams helped to improve the group as well. “He was at school with us,” says Nigel Bullen, “but in another band, who we always looked up to.” That band was the Leeds-based Outer Limits (who went on to issue several singles — without Dave — in the late ‘60s). “I joined the Opposition after they asked me to watch them and tell them what I thought,” recounts Dave. “The Outer Limits were older lads, all mods, but I was after something a bit more easy going, and the Opposition were my own age. They were okay, but I first saw them at John’s house, when they were still practising in bedrooms, and they were absolutely awful. I said, ‘Have you thought of tuning up?’ They said they had. But it sounded like they were playing in different keys — totally horrendous. It was so funny. They were so conscientious, they’d all learned their bits, but hadn't tuned up to each other. That was my first tip.”

“Our first proper gig was supporting a local band, the Rapids Rave, at Enderby Coop Hall,” recalls Nigel Bullen. “They used to play at this village hall every week. and then we ended up doing it every week for quite some time.” Richard’s diary records the Opposition’s debut taking place on 4th December 1965, and that the band’s fee was £2. Thereafter, they began to offer their Services in the local ‘Oadby & Wigston Advertiser’, which led to bookings in youth clubs and village halls in local hot-spots like Kibworth, Houghton-on- the-Hill, Thurlaston and Great Glen.

SCHOOL WORK

By spring 1966, the Opposition were playing every weekend, school work permitting. The peaks and troughs of their career are illustrated by the following memorable gigs: one at St. George’s Ballroom, Hinckley, on 23rd June 1967, when just two people turned up and the band went home after a couple of numbers; and a September appearance in a series of shows at U.S. Airforce Bases in the Midlands, at which they were required to play for four-and-half hours with just two twenty-minute breaks. It was nothing if not diverse.

“It didn’t seem to matter what you played,” says Dave. “People would clap simply because you were making music. They never said, ‘Do you do Motown, or soul stuff?’ ” The band’s repertoire initially consisted of chart sounds and the poppier end of the R&B spectrum. “Although we were inspired by the Beatles, we never did any of their songs,” claims Nigel. “But we covered the Kinks, the Yardbirds, and things like Them’s ‘Gloria’, and the Zombies’ ‘She’s Not There’.

They also altered their name slightly to the New Opposition, which they unveiled at the Enderby Coop Hall. “The name-change was decided overnight, when John moved from rhythm to bass guitar,” recounts Richard, whose diary records the date of the transition as 29th April 1966. Interestingly, though, it makes no mention of another local group also called the Opposition, long thought to have been the reason for Deacon’s crew adopting the ‘New’. The change did act as an impetus for further development, however, instigated by Dave Williams, who soon took over as the group’s lead vocalist.

“When I joined they were doing all Beach Boys stuff,” he recalls, “and I think I may have brought in a little credibility. In the Outer Limits, I’d been playing John Mayall, the Yardbirds, that sort of thing, plus that group was into really good soul like the Impressions, and fantastic vocal bands from the States. So I had a broad musical knowledge by then, whereas the Opposition had been a bit poppy.” Appropriately, the words “Tamla” and “Soul” were now added to the Opposition’s ads and calling cards.

Towards the end of 1966, the New Opposition were enhanced further by the arrival of Ron Chester, who’d previously played with Dave Williams in the Outer Limits, as well as in an earlier band, the Deerstalkers. “Ron Chester was a bit eccentric,” claims Richard Young. “He never used to go anywhere without his deerstalker. He was a really good guitarist (“stunning”, adds Dave Williams). We were probably at our best when Ron was in the band.”

On 23rd October 1966, the New Opposition entered the local Midland Beat Contest. They won their heat, landing themselves a place in the semifinals on 29th January 1967. They won this, too, and steeled themselves for the finals, which were due to be held on 3rd March 1967, when they were to be pitched against...[ ]

...[ ] an act called Keny. The stars of the show would have been the nearest the Opposition came to having a rival: an outfit called Legay. (A year later, incidentally, this band issued a now collectable single, “No One” (Fontana TF 904,£80J.) Unfortunately, for all concerned, however, the contest never took place. “That was a fiasco,'' laughs Ron. “Somehow we won those heats, but in fact, I don’t remember seeing anybody else playing. I don’t know whether we won by default or not. After that, they pulled the plug on the competition — probably because they knew we’d be playing again!”.

CASINO

“The heats took place in a club in Leicester called the Casino, which was the place to play,” adds Nigel. “The guy who ran the competition was an agent for the club. His company was called Penguin (or P.S) Promotions and he walked like a penguin too, with his feet sticking out. The final was going to be held in the De Montford Hall, which is still the main venue in Leicester. We thought, ‘Crumbs, this is it, perhaps we might make the big time.’ But the guy did a runner with all the money — people had to pay to come to the heats. So the final was called off.”

David Williams wasn’t too fussed, as he scored another prize that night: “I remember taking a girl back to Dick’s car on the strength of us winning our heat. I said, ‘Can I borrow your keys, Dick? He said, ‘What for? You can’t drive!’ “

Were the New Opposition — or the Opposi­tion, as they dropped the ‘New’ again in early 1967 — left in limbo by the cancellation of the Beat Contest? Having achieved the most public recognition of their talents so far, were they disappointed with the loss of the chance to prove themselves further?

“No. It was almost insignificant,” reckons Ron. “We didn’t really look upon it as a stairway to stardom.” And what would John Deacon have thought? “Nothing really,” suggests Chester. “ ‘It’s cancelled. What are we doing next, then?’ That would have been about the depth of it. We were a village band, all gathering at the church hall to try and improve our abilities. The financial aspect of it wasn’t in the forefront of our minds. We were more concerned with our music, and if we could get a booking doing it as well, to pay off some of the equipment, then that was a real bonus. Three bookings a week was enough for us while we were working or still at school.” Despite any dodgy dealings, history does have the Penguin promoter to thank for the only professionally-taken photograph of the Opposition. (“We didn’t go much on photos in the band,” remembers Dave Williams.) On Tuesday, 31st January 1967, two days after winning the semi-finals, the ‘Leicester Mercury’ dispatched a staff photographer over to Richard Young’s parents’ house in Oadby. Here, the group lined-up in the front room, looking more like refugees from 1964, rather than 1967. The only indications of the actual date are perhaps Ron Chester’s deerstalker hat and the ridiculous length of David Williams’ shirt collars — seven inches, no less, from neck to nipple.

“Dave was very extrovert,” recalls Nigel. “But we all had those silk shirts with the great long collars made by our mums and grandmas for our stage gear.” Dave admits: “Our clothes were all a bit mixed up. We had silk shirts with tweed jackets — which were fashionable for a while — and bell-bottoms. Musically, we were pretty good, better than...[ ]

...[ ] most of the local bands around that time, but we had this squeaky-clean, schoolboy image which let us down. I used to get frustrated when we were billed with other bands, and they’d all play with so many wrong chords but had a better image and still the punters applauded. Were they stupid? We were still at school — we didn’t leave until we were eighteen — and weren’t allowed to grow our hair long”.

“After the mod thing,” he continues, “long hair became really important. Bands were growing their hair right down their backs. I remember getting to one gig with John and Nigel a year or so later, and the other group were already on. And when they saw us they turned round and said, ‘Look! They’ve got no hair!’. We were quite upset about that”.

“We also went through the flower-power look,” Dave adds. “And then we got into those little jumpers without any sleeves that Paul McCartney used to wear, the ones so small that half your stomach showed. And then it was grandad shirts without the collars and flares.” Ron Chester: “The flowery shirts and flared trousers were everywhere. We looked like a right shower of poofters. But so did everybody else. You stood out if you didn’t wear them.”

1967 also heralded the arrival of an additional attraction to the Opposition’s stage show: two go-go dancers. At least, it did if the existing literature on the subject is to be believed. “I vaguely remember it,” admits Richard, “but speaking to Nig, neither of us can recal who those dancers were”.

Dave Williams throws some light on the subject: “They were the jet-set girls of the sixth form, they came from the big houses. They came to a couple of gigs and just started dancing. Somebody who booked us for the following week actually advertised us ‘with go-go girls’. But they were never really part of the show.”

ART

On 16th March, 1968 for a gig at Gartree School, the Opposition changed their name once again. “We called ourselves Art,” reveals Nigel, “because Dave was arty, that is, he was training as an artist. It was as simple as that.” Dave agrees: “It was my idea, because I’d been doing art at school.” Nigel Bullen was aware of another band using that name around the same time (the pre-Spooky Tooth outfit), but assuming them to be American, reckoned they’d be no confusion. As the Leicester-based Art never made it to London, there wasn’t.

Despite wording like “A time to touch and feel, to taste and experience, to hear and understand” appearing on the group’s tickets, Richard maintains that Art was “just the same band” as before. “Nothing changed."

“It was mutton dressed up as lamb, really,” admits Ron Chester. “We thought if we were called something different, people might come because they were curious. But it didn’t make a lot of difference. The audiences were captive at the places we played anyway. There was nowhere else to go on a Friday or Saturday night. Everyone used to roll up to see whoever was on, whether they’d heard of them or not.”

1968 was the year psychedelia caught up with many provincial British bands. The Art were no different, but their acknowledgement of what had been last year’s scene in London was via sight rather than sound. Their light shows seem to have been particularly memo­rable, as Dave Williams explains: “They were brilliant. We used the projectors from school, filled medicine bottles with water and oil, and projected through them to get this lovely golden, amber backdrop. As the image came out upside down, when we poured in some Fairy Liquid, it dropped straight through in a blob, but came out on the wall like a giant green mushroom cloud. It was amazing, and we had about four of them at the back, projecting over the band.”

John Deacon was party to another of Dave’s exploits. “One day,” recalls Williams, “John and I bought a 100-watt P.A. — which was pretty big for those days — and took it into the lecture theatre full of kids at Beauchamp School (which Deacon had attended since September 1966) for our version of Arthur Brown’s ‘Fire’. We cranked it up as loud as we could, put the light show on, and let off these smoke bombs, which were DDT pellets we’d got from the chemist. All the kids started choking, and then the headmaster walked in...[ ]

...[ ] with a load of governors. You could see the fury in his face. One of the governors asked what we were doing. ‘It’s a demonstration in sound and light, sir,’ I said. ‘We’re using these ink bottles turned upside down, but we’re a bit worried about these DDT pellets so we might knock the smoke on the head, but we’re still experimenting.’ And he fell for it!”.

INFLUENTIAL

Towards the end of 1968, a crop of new groups began to have a profound effect on the maturing schoolboys: Jethro Tull, the Nice, Taste, and in particular Deep Purple. Ron: “We used to buy Purple records and learn to play them. We’d seen John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers and the Downliners’ Sect in Leicester, the Nice, King Crimson. These sort of groups. We learned a lot from just watching them. They were influential. There was always a big discussion in the band as to whether we should do a particular song. Once we’d decided that, there’d be another big discussion as to how we should do it. Everybody had their say.”

Hair, too, had finally began to grow: “John grew his quite long,” recalls Ron. “We all had longish hair, but not shoulder length. We couldn’t look too unkempt for the normal side of life, but we didn’t want to be too prissy for the other end of the spectrum. That was when we started playing universities, and we went a bit heavier. The audiences were far more serious minded about music and more enthusiastic. In some of the youth clubs we’d been playing, the audience would be moving around on roller skates, or peeling bananas all over the place, things like that”.

“We felt we were making an impression towards the last year or two of the band,” he continues. But it went no further: “We were at school, some of us had jobs, and there was an element of common sense overriding what we would have liked to have done. None of us wanted to chuck in our apprenticeships or courses. If we’d had a flair for writing our own material, we might have taken off. But we just played what was popular, nothing different from most other groups. That wasn’t a basis on which to launch ourselves. So it never happened."

“We didn’t think that far ahead,” admits Richard Young. “I just thought of playing and getting repeat bookings. John was probably the least ambitious of all of us, to be honest. I think he felt that there was no mileage in what we were doing, although it was good fun. I think he had the impression that this was a hobby, a phase he was going through.”

Sometime in the Sixties, possibly 1969, but maybe earlier, Art recorded an acetate. Whatever the date, the crucial point is that John Deacon was present at the session. “We weren't asked to do it,” recalls Nigel. “We just wanted to make a disc. I think it cost us about five shillings.”

The venue was Beck’s studio, thirty miles south east of Oadby in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire. “I’d never been in a studio before and it seemed awesome, really,” recalls Dave Williams. “It was a fairly decent-sized room for acoustics. It was all nicely low-lit, with lots of screens. The guy knew what he was doing.” Richard Young was less impressed, though: I’ve been in studios all my life,” he says. “That was just another session. Nothing about it stood out.”

The “guy” Dave remembered was engineer Derek Tomkins, who informed the group that they could record three tracks in the time allotted. “We’d only gone in there with two, ‘Sunny’ and ‘Vehicle’,” says Nigel, “and we didn’t want to waste the opportunity, so Richard knocked up a little instrumental called Transit 3’ — named after our new van, the third one — right there in the studio. Although we were purely a covers band, everybody had a bash at writing, but we never did anything of our own on stage. The exception was Transit 3’, which was incorporated into the set after this session.”

“ Transit 3’ was about about the only track we ever wrote," reckons Richard Young (“Heart Full Of Soul”, as reported in ‘As It Began’, is in fact a Graham Gouldman nurnber). “I initially had the idea, but I can’t really remember anything about it. It’s very basic. It wouldn’t take a great deal of effort to write something like that.” To the objective observer, “Transit 3”, taped in mono but well recorded, is a fairly uncomplicated, organ-led scale- hopper, reminiscent of Booker T & the MGs.

 “Everybody was listening to ‘Green Onions’,” confirms Nigel, “so Booker T would have been an influence there.” But for all that, it’s well- played, with memorable lead and twangy, wah-wah guitar passages courtesy of Dave Williams. And, crucially, John Deacon’s thumping bass is plainly audible throughout. On this evidence, the Opposition were clearly a tight, confident outfit. “Transit 3” could have been incorporated into any swinging ‘60s film soundtrack, and no one would have jumped up shouting, “Amateurs”!.

UNFAMILIAR

The other two tracks, covers of Bobby Hebb’s ‘Sunny' and the more obscure, soul- tinged ‘Vehicle’ (later a hit for the Ides of March), featured a vocalist, but an unfamiliar one: another of the Opposition’s fleeting frontmen. “We had a singer for a while called Alan Brown,” recalls Nigel. “He came and went fairly quickly. He was good, really good. Too good for us, I think. That wasn’t him saying that. We just knew it.”

On both songs, Brown is in deep, soulful voice, sounding not unlike a cross between Tom Jones and the early Van Morrison — if such an amalgam can be imagined. The Art’s reading of “Vehicle” is edgy and robust, dominated by Richard Young’s distinctive keyboards and Nigel Bullen’s bustling drum work. Dave Williams is again in fine form, delivering more sparkling wah-wah guitar, while on the cassette copy taped from Nigel Bullen’s acetate, at least, John’s bass is very prominent, over-recorded in fact, booming in the mix.

“Sunny” goes one better, breaking into jazzy 3/4 time halfway through, before slotting back into the more traditional 4/4. It’s an imaginative arrangement, with alternate soloing from both Dave and Richard, while the whole track is underpinned by swirls of Hammond organ and John Deacon’s pounding bass.

“We did ‘Sunny’ as part of our stage set,” says Nigel, “but I don’t recall us ever going into the jazzy bit. That’s quite interesting. We might have talked about that before we went into the studio, but I think it was just for this session. Dave had two guitars, a six-string and a twelve-string, or it could even have been twin-necked. I still quite like the wah-wah he played on that track. By this time Richard would have been onto his second or third organ — he was heavily into Hammonds and Leslies."

Operating as they did in a fairly ambition- free zone, and having prepared the listener for a mundane set of recordings with their trademark laid-back approach, Art’s acetate comes as something of a revelation. Let any bunch of today’s schoolboys loose in a studio for an afternoon and defy them to come up with something half as good!

Just two copies of the Art disc are known to have survived. John Deacon’s mother is believed to own one and Nigel Bullen has the other. “I’d forgotten all about this record,” admits Nigel. “We know that one copy was converted to an ashtray!. We stubbed out cigarettes on Richards at rehearsal one night.” Although treated with anything but respect at the time, the importance of the disc is now apparent to Nigel Bullen: “This is probably John Deacon’s first recording, apart from tracks he did in his bedroom on his reel-to-...[ ]

...[ ] reel, which are probably long gone. Although, knowing John, they’re probably not!”

The beginning of the end for Art came in June 1969, when John Deacon left Beauchamp. With a college course lined up in London, his days with the band were obviously numbered. He played his final gig with the group on 29th August at a familiar venue, Great Glen Youth and Sports Centre Club. By October, he’d moved to London to study electronics at Chelsea College of Technology, part of the University of London.

Another blow was dealt in November, when the band's lynchpin, Richard Young, left to join popular local musician Steve Fearn in Fearn’s Brass Foundry.

“They were a Blood, Sweat and Tears-type of group,” recalls Richard, “and paid better money than I’d been used to. I was out five nights a week, on about £3 per night, against an average of about £10 between us.” The previous year, Richard had played session keyboards on the Foundry’s two Decca singles: “Don’t Change It” (F 12721, January 1968, £10) and “Now I Taste The Tears” (F 12835. September 1968, £8).

SAVAGE

Ron Chester departed shortly afterwards, and gave up music: “I left in the early 70s, after John Deacon moved to London. John was replaced by a bass player was called John Savage, who unsettled me. He had different tastes and drove us a bit hard. His approach was totally different from Deaks's, and he was much more interested in the financial side of things. We’d all been mates before, we didn't just knock about for the band. It just wasn’t the same.”

Nigel, Richard and Dave pushed on into 1970 with the new bassist, changing the band’s name again, this time to Silky Way. They returned to Beck’s studio to record a cover of Free’s “Loosen Up” with another vocalist, Bill Gardener, but that was the band’s last effort. Dave left after falling into Nigel’s drumkit, drunk on stage at a private party one Christmas. “I waited for them to pick me up the next day,” he recalls sheepishly, “but they never carne.”

Richard and Nigel moved into a dinner- dance type outfit called the Lady Jane Trio — “Corny, or what!”, laughs Bullen — but Nigel left music altogether soon afterwards to con­centrate on his college work. Richard turned professional, moving into cabaret with the Steve Fearn-less Brass Foundry, before forming a trio called Rio, finding regular work on the holiday camp and overseas cruise circuit. In the late ‘70s, he joined a touring version of the Love Affair.

Down in London, John Deacon caught a glimpse of his future world-beating musical partners as early as October 1970, when he saw the newly-formed Queen perform at College of Estate Management in Kensington. “They were all dressed in black, and the lights were very dim too,” he told Jim Jenkins and Jacky Gunn in ‘As It Began’, “All I could really see were four shadowy figures. They didn’t make a lasting impression on me at the time.”

While renting rooms in Queensgate, John formed a loose R&B quartet with a flatmate, guitarist Peter Stoddart, one Don Cater on drums and another guitarist remembered only as Albert. The new band was hardlv a great leap forward from Art: they wrote no originals, and when asked to perform their only gig at Chelsea College on 21st November 1970, supporting Hardin & York and the Idle Race, they hastily billed themselves — in a rare fit of self-publicity for the quiet Oadby boy — as Deacon.

A few months later in early 1971, John was introduced to Brian May and Roger Taylor by a mutual friend, Christine Farnell, at a disco at Maria Assumpta Teacher Training College. They were looking for a bassist. John auditioned at Imperial College shortly after­wards. Roger Taylor recalled Queen’s initial reaction to Deacon in ‘As It Began’: “We thought he was great. We were so used to each other, and so over the top, we thought that because he was quiet he would fit in with us without too much upheaval. He was a great bass player, too — and the fact that he was a wizard with electronics was definitely a deciding factor!”

How did the members of the Art/Opposition back in Leicester, view John’s success with Queen? “It wasn’t sudden”, says Ron Chester. “First we heard he’d got into another group. We couldn’t believe that — were they deaf? There were all these sort of jokes going along. Then we heard he’d got a recording contract and the next thing he had a record out. It was a gradual progression. No one dreamed he would end up the way he did.”

“I don’t think we expected success for any of us" admits Nigel Bullen. “Richard maybe. He was the first one to go professional. But when John left for London to go to college, he left all his kit here. I thought that was the end of it for him. He had absolutely no intention of continuing. His college course was No.1. It was only after he kept seeing adverts for bass players in the ‘Melody Maker’ that he became interested again.”

He also seemed to lose some of that ‘Easy Deacon’ touch which so impressed Dave Williams in the ‘60s. “He’d ring up these bands,” continues Nigel, “but when he found they were a name act, he bottle out. When he went to auditions for anonymous bands, where he would queue up with about thirty other bass players, he had a bit of confidence. He just wanted to play in a decent band. Once I heard what Queen had recorded at De Lane Lea, and John played me the demo of their first album, I thought they were well set.”

CABARET

By early 1973, Dave Williams had forsaken a career in animation to join Highly Likely, a cabaret outfit put together by Mike Hugg and producer Dave Hadfield on the back of their minor hit, “Whatever Happened To You (The Likely Lads Theme)”. While Dave was in the band, they recorded a follow-up single which wasn’t released, before evolving into a glam rock outfit, Razzle, which later become the Ritz, who issued a few singles. “During Queen’s early days, before they’d had any real success, John came to see us once,” recalls Dave, “and said, ‘I wish I was in a band like this which could actually play some gigs’.” Dave concludes: “I remember John coming round once around that time, saying I’ve got a demo’. ‘So have I!’, I said. So we put his on first, and the first track was ‘Keep Yourself Alive’. My mouth dropped wide open and I thought. ‘Bloody hell! What a great track’. I remember saying that the guitarist was as good as Ritchie Blackmore — who was still our hero then — and thinking ‘They’re serious about this. This is the real thing’.”

RECORD COLLECTOR Nº 198 FEBRUARY 1996

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[scrawnytreedemon]

Shit I’ve Been Winding Up For A Long Time Now But Am Very Aware Will Probably Hold No Relevance Should I Actually Go Into This More--

This is about Bhunivelze.

I.

You know, when I was chilling out, on my bed, that evening on that half term in early June, deciding to check up on ClementJ64′s FF retrospective because-- Hey! It’s been awhile, I wonder if he’s got around to doing the final bit of the FFXIII saga --You know, I was there, chilling, just for a laff. Just a laff.

The rest of that week was spent spiralling into a hyperfixation I absolutely did not anticipate in any way, shape, or form, because the way they introduced that character was “wwhdhfjjhHJDFJKHKJHW H A T??”

That retrospective and a good amount of wiki-scrounging is all I have as a basis for this. This is not a coherent character analysis-- Though I might tag it as that for ease of access. This is not, by any means, the thoughts of someone deeply familiar with FFXIII on the whole beyond plot synopses and overarching themes.

I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.

Reading the vast yet surface-deep lore on those wiki pages on my birthday while in a delirious state of mind was enough to make me somewhat nauseous.

Do you think I’m going to go through all of that in real time?

(Someday, someday.)

Ugh, I don’t know how to begin, but let us, I guess. I’d recommend you read this church-mime-demiurge’s FF Wiki page if you want the same level of base-knowledge I had, and maybe the aformentioned retrospective if you want the experience, because I don’t think I have the wherewithal to get into all of that from the bottom-up.

I am also, so, so fucking sorry for any remaining FFXIII fans in advance. There is like, a good chance I may be butchering the characterisation completely, so bear with me here.

With that... we begin?

Where do we even start with this guy?

How on earth to you begin to explain the absolute monolith you’ve constructed from crumbs of a Guy, some material no doubt spliced in from the Pale King, Sephiroth, y o u r  o w n  G o d  O C and other characters, and the mountains of religious trauma you carry around at all times that is probably the only reason you’ve been able to latch on as hard as you did?

I’m going to try.

What gets me, in summary, about Bhunivelze is how he’s a prime example of how love and concern can become deadly forces if in the wrong hands. His first acquainting with human emotion was by deceiving and possessing Hope, reverting his body to a teenage state, and planning to live among humanity through him. He sees human sorrow and suffering, and decides that, to End This(because it must be ended, you see) he’s going to destroy all the souls of the deceased that make up the Chaos that’s been eating this world for the past five-hundred years so they all forget and Are Happy. :).

Capital G God here hasn’t been present for the vast part of human history because he’s hidden himself away from Everything due to paranoia from killing his own mother and throwing her body into the Cosmic Basement, THEN creating the beings that would come to create humanity and OTHER beings because he didn’t have the keys to the cosmic basement. And also he believes death is a thing because she’d’ve somehow cursed all things to pass(including him) out of Spite.

Which explains why he’s so fucking averse to it and anything to do with it.

Bhunivelze, to put it lightly, is Shit at stepping into others’ shoes and Getting their experiences-- All the FalCie in FFXIII are, but him especially. It’s clear(again, in the f u c k i n g JP--) that he makes attempts to sympathise with them and does what he can to help, but it’s with such a loftiness and a complete inability to Understand why anyone would want grief, The Worst Fucking Experience In Existence, and even less why they’d be willing to Go Up Against Him And HisThe New Perfect World just for it-- And what would it matter, anyway, forgetting their loved ones. It’s not like you can grieve lost memories, right?

Right.

It reminds me of when at the end of the story of Job in the Bible, where, after putting this man through hell on earth, God rewards Job by giving him ten new children to make up for the ones that he lost. I. And that’s fucked! Nothing can replace the sheer uniqueness of each individual person you loved so dearly! But if you were a nigh-omnipotent deity high and mighty, with a cursory, almost mechanical knowledge on the functionings of the human psyche, that would seem adequete; enough.

Bhunivelze is doing that on a cosmic level.

I now want to get onto the romance: that being, his affections for Lightning. I don’t know how much I’m going to say, but it’ll probably be alot. It’s something that hits very close to home.

There is this... thing, within certain branches of Christianity, perhaps even in those of various Abrahamic faiths, where God’s love is posited to be the love-- The ultimate, most-fulfilling, all-encompassing love you could ever imagine --Because, well, he is love, so the story goes, and so often the best way to convey that is through the imagery of...

Marriage.

Giving up yourself so completely, to serve, to be the Bride; to be bound by him for all eternity; and for there to be no higher bliss than this.

This angle is pushed on young girls and women the most; from the mere parallels to the woman’s role in marriage, all the way down to downright-horrifying ultra-Evangelical purity pacts. With men, God is your dad, your best bud and confidant, your boss, your king, your this, your that, and the ‘marriage‘ as it were is relegated to a sort of half-thought; a metaphor.

For me, God was an attempt at all that, and my arranged groom.

(It was almost incestuous; was incestuous, that my own Divine Father would reach for my hand in marriage.)

Bhunivelze experiences Emotions™ for the first time through Hope, experiences Hope’s sheer overwhelming admiration for Lighting(whether there were any baby-crush feelings mixed in, I can’t say), and promptly falls into a nigh-romantic obsession with Lightning, deciding that she will be Etro(his all-but daughter)’s replacement, will be his Goddess of Death to-be-- He even calls her as such, before the final boss-battle--

...In the JP.

What happened in localisation, probably due to a number of factors, all the way back in early 2014, was that everything emotionally challenging about Bhunivelze was scraped off, like it was extra fat, and tossed aside, leaving us with the bland, clichéd shell of a foe-god we’ve seen time and time again. And I mean everything. I mean his very love for humanity; the fact his ploy was, in his eyes, to save them. Because if they’d left that all on, then it would raise the question of even if there was such a seemingly pure, all-knowing, loving being hell-bent on setting things “straight,“ would they truly be unquestionable? Would we have the right to fight for our humanity in the face of the Creator of the Universe?

To reject a love so personal?

That’s what gets me about FFXIII’s tackling of God, no matter how hackneyed and poorly-executed. It’s personal.

It’s from a feminine experience.

I know that terming is... vague, and problematic, but the way Christianity and much of the video game industry handle femininity itself is weird and problematic, so as it stands, I’ll have to simplify it. Apologies.

What sets FFXIII’s Let’s Kill God™ plot aside from most JRPG Let’s Kill God™ plots is that with our protagonist being a woman, and one who is very in touch with her femininity alongside her sheer strength; often, in these stories, God is reduced to Yet Another Foe, expected or unexpected, and you are tasked with taking him down unquestioningly for the Good of Mankind-- You will fight God, because you are right to, and you will go man-to-man-to-however-many-men you decide to bring along for the bloodbath.

And that just, doesn’t speak to me.

Even as an Extian.

Especially as an Extian. And an AFAB one with a deeply complicated experience with my gender, at that.

Leaving Christianity was painful. Questioning God was painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually traumatised under the guise of All-Encompassing Love was so, so fucking painful. I had been taught since I was five years old to devote myself to him, spent my life desperate to feel something, anything, to stay connected because I just, I never could Feel It on a deeper level, never could Give Up Myself, all I was, couldn’t Die A Spiritual Death And Be Reborn As His Eager Vessel, thus deeming myself to be worthless and a broken vessel for years and years on end... And for all that to have been... Nothing.

Lightning is hollowed out, the shards of her dead sister ripped from her in-stasis, leaving her emotionally numb for the majority of the game, Bhunivelze sweeps it under the rug, pretends he’ll perform a miracle and return Serah to life in exchange for her compliance, then sends her on her way to do his work, all the while knowing he’s going to pull said-rug from under her and elevate her such dizzying heights in the aftermath--

That he’ll deny her humanity.

Sand down all the rough edges that make her her, and polish her up afterwards, gild her as he is gilded, make her a Goddess.

And he’ll do it all because he loves her.

You can’t fight God like you can everything else. To fight It is the fight Existence Itself; FFXIII even conveys that by making Bhunivelze’s model part of the arena; it’s baked into the fabric of the game, no matter how minute.

While Lightning Returns is far from perfect in its execution of this concept, and that in itself makes me wince, not even taking into account the horribly botched excuse for a localisation Bhunivelze endured, it speaks to me more than anything else I’ve seen so far.

And it’s helped uncover some things within me. Helped me untangle them, just a little more.

So, yeah. I have alot of Thoughts on Bhunivelze, I want to share them, and I’m kinda really sad I have no one but my currently-absent friend Vee to share them with. I could get into alot more, like his very Fucked relationship with familial bonds, and how Lightning’s role as saviour so deeply parallels the overwhelming panic and never-ending guilt of Evangelical proselytisation, but I think I’ll leave those for another time.

In short, Bhunivelze is the epitome of Divine Love gone deeply wrong; on all fronts.

And if all of that isn’t enough to intrigue you, then, in Vee’s words, Lightning and Velze are literally canon endgame Sefikura lmaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

[straykidsreactions]

Reaction To: Finding Out Another Member Likes Their Crush

S T R A Y   K I D S  R E A C T I O N   T O : Finding out that another member also likes you, their crush. 

Genre: a lil angst + a lil fluff

A/N: If you’re interested, I’m willing to do a much fluffier part 2 to this. Just let me know~

Chan:

On one hand, Chan is a straightforward and competitive guy- he’s incredibly driven and he doesn’t like losing, especially when it comes to matters close to his heart. On the other hand, he’s also incredibly selfless. When he overheard Hyunjin talking to one of the guys about how adorable he found you, showing off a picture the two of you had taken together, Chan couldn’t help the way his heart sank. Of course he liked you, he’d liked you for a while and he thought he’d made it obvious to the other members by the way he always invited you to hang out with him (especially when he was buried in his laptop working until all hours of the night at his studio). But he wasn’t one to admit his feelings our right, so he couldn’t be mad at the younger member for catching feelings. 

Chan would ultimately be torn between being up front with you and admitting his feelings (which could ultimately hurt his friend) or staying quiet and potentially losing you. He’d become quieter and more tense when you were around, mostly because he didn’t want to step out of line and do something that could jeopardize either relationship. It’d be especially difficult for him because he also considered you to be one of his closest friends, and the fact that he couldn’t talk to you about the dilemma he was dealing with would weigh on him. It got to a point where you’d noticed his change in behavior, so you’d asked him if you could come by his studio to talk. Truthfully he’d considered telling you no, not because he didn’t want to see you but because he didn’t fully trust himself to not do something selfish. He’d never want to hurt Hyunjin but he feared his feelings for you were too strong and that, if given the opportunity, he might act on them. 

When you arrived at his studio, taking a seat beside him as he worked diligently on a few new tracks, it wasn’t hard to tell that something was off. His usual goofy and relaxed demeanor would be gone, and was replaced with a thoughtful and reserved version of the man you’d come to call your best friend.

*clearing your throat as you looked up at him intently, getting up the courage to break the ice*

“Chan, what’s going on...”

*not meeting your gaze as he continued to work on his computer, not bothering to remove an earbud as he replied*

“I’m fine Y/N I’m just busy that’s all.”

*sighing as you fiddled absentmindedly with your fingers*

“Did I do something wrong?” 

*frowning as he paused momentarily, turning towards you slightly without quiet meeting your gaze*

“Why would you ask that?”

*sighing in aggravation as you reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards you slightly and forcing him to meet your eyes*

“Because you won’t even look at me and I don’t know why! You’re acting like we’re not friends anymore or something and- and that really hurts, Chan...”

*sighing as his face softened, pulling his hand away and using it to remove an earbud so he could hear you more clearly*

“I’m not I just- I don’t know what to do. I-”

*shrugging his shoulders and forcing out a small, saddened smile*

“I don’t know. I think I have to accept that sometimes I can’t win, y’know? Sometimes the timing just isn’t right...that’s all I can say, really.”

Minho: 

He isn’t one to play games, or beat around the bush. That being said, he also isn’t one to take situations lightly especially when it comes to matters of his heart. He hadn’t confessed to you because, despite being sure of his feelings for quite some time, he was waiting to see if you liked him back. He didn’t want to risk your friendship if you didn’t feel the same way, so he’d been willing to play the long game- that is until he realized Felix also had feelings for you. He hadn’t out-rightly said that he was attracted to you, but Minho was quick to notice the younger’s adoring stare as you played games with him and a few of the other guys one evening at the dorm. In a way he understood it, you were particularly good friends with Felix and truthfully you were better friends with him thatn you were with Minho- but friendship didn’t necessarily mean that you had romantic feelings for him. 

After you’d left and Felix was alone in the living room, Minho wouldn’t hesitate to approach him about it- but not in an obvious or aggressive way. He had no intention of forcing Felix’s hand, or trying to come to an agreement on who should pursue you- Minho is all about the long game. It truthfully didn’t bother him that much to learn that Felix was interested in you, because you were free to choose whoever you liked. If you wanted to be with Felix, there was nothing Minho could do to change your mind. he’d be eerily calm about the situation, not because he didn’t want you as his, but because he’d rather play smart than hard.

*approaching the younger member who was sat comfortably on the couch, clearing his throat slightly before he spoke*

“You should tell (her/him).”

*giving the older man a confused stare as he looked up from his phone*

“What?”

*not moving from his position leaning up against the doorway*

“You should tell Y/N you like (her/him). You do, don’t you?”

*his eyes widening and his cheeks growing flushed as his embarrassment became apparent*

“Hyung I, how did you know that?”

*shrugging his shoulders slightly as he pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, nodding thoughtfully*

“It isn’t hard to tell...”

*frowning slightly as he thought carefully on the older member’s words*

“Do you think (she/he) likes me back?” 

“You can’t know until you ask...just be upfront.”

*in thought for a moment, scratching nervously at the back of his neck as he inhaled sharply*

“I-I don’t know, Hyung...Y/N and I are really good friends, yknow. I don’t know if I wanna mess that up.”

*his usual intimidating demeanor softening slightly as he adjusted his stance against the doorway, running his hand through his hair as he thought for a moment*

“Fine then, tell (her/him) when you’re ready. (She/He) might be gone by then, though. Are you gonna be ok with that, if she’s with someone else?”

His question was weighted, though Felix had no idea to what extent. Minho had no intention of undermining your relationship with the younger member, though he doubted he even could considering your close friendship. Moreso, he wanted to be clear with Felix of his options, without 100% admitting to his own feelings. He didn’t think it was important to be vulnerable and admit that he also had a crush on you- since it was very possible you didn’t feel the same way towards him. As long as Felix was aware that there might be others out there vying for your affection, it wasn’t relevant for him to know that his own band mate was one of those people. 

“H-hyung what are you saying?”

*shifting apprehensively as he stared at Felix with a serious expression on his face*

“I’m saying if you want a shot, take it. If you don’t...someone else will.”

Changbin:

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt a bit when he’d overheard Chan inviting you to his studio to hang out with him while he worked. He knew the oldest member well enough to catch on to the fact that he probably had feelings for you- and while it wasn’t ideal, it wouldn’t discourage him. He didn’t mind a little healthy competition and, even though it sucked that it had to be between such a close friend, Changbin isn’t one to easily give up just to avoid confrontation. He didn’t have any intention of asking Chan to step down, ultimately the decision was up to you and that was fine with Changbin. Though he had been a bit more hesitant to admit his feelings before- the sudden sense that he might lose you gave him a new-found confidence that he’d be sure to show off to you. 

His strategy was to just be straightforward and honest, if you didn’t feel the same way he couldn’t help that- but he at least wanted to try. When you came over that evening to cook dinner with all the members and enjoy the evening together- he’d be sure to pull you aside, not caring who saw.

“Is everything ok, Binnie? What’d you wanna talk about?”

*nodding reassuringly, his hold on your wrist never letting go as he closed the door behind him*

“I just wanted to see you, Y/N, is that a crime?”

*laughing playfully as you shoved his shoulder lightly, rolling your eyes*

“You saw me when we were out in the kitchen, what’d we have to go into your room for?”

*giving you a confident smile as his gaze traced every inch of your face, the pad of his thumb running across your hand that he was still holding*

“It was too loud out there, here it’s just us.”

*feeling heat rise in your cheeks as you gave him a quizzical look*

“What do you wanna say that can’t be said around the other guys?”

*chuckling slightly as he took a small step closer to you, shrugging his shoulders*

“Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to tell you that...you look really good tonight. Every night, actually...”

*your eyes widening as you became even more flushed than before, unaware of Changbin’s finger that was placed gently on the inside of your wrist- easily feeling the way your pulse quickened at his bold words*

“I-I...what?”

*raising his eyebrow flirtatiously as he continued on with his matter-of-fact tone of voice*

“I just think you deserve to be told when you good, Y/N...I know a lot of guys would probably like to be yours, I’m sure you have options. And I don’t have any expectations from you- you don’t have to say anything. We can go back into the kitchen and pretend none of this ever happened...”

*his eyes darkening as he watched the way you trembled slightly under his gaze, entranced in his words and his gentle but firm voice*

“I just want you know that...just because I’m your friend, doesn’t mean I’m not a man. Maybe it’s time you start seeing me as one.”

Hyunjin: 

Despite his confident stage persona, at heart Hyunjin is pretty shy and reserved- especially when it comes to his emotions. He’d had a crush on you for a while, but couldn’t ever bring himself to confess his feelings for you outright. He tried to make it obvious in other ways, one of his favorite things to do would be making playlists for you. He’d put so much thought into each song, insisting that it was just good music that you should check out, but the messages in the lyrics would all be subtly laced with his feelings. Unlike his subtle methods of making his feelings known, however, Jisung was much more direct and upfront. So when Hyunjin overheard Jisung talking to you on the balcony about his feelings for you- Hyunjin’s heart would absolutely sink. Jisung was one of his closest friends, despite how different they could be at times. Hyunjin hadn’t stuck around to listen to your reply or the rest of the conversation, he couldn’t be sure of your feelings but the fact that his band mate also had feelings for you (and was certain enough to act on them) would be enough to convince him that he shouldn’t intervene. Of course he wanted to be with you, and if you did end up accepting Jisung he was pretty sure it’d crush him, but he wouldn’t be willing to jeopardize his friendship with either of you. He’d still spend time with you and force a few smiles to keep you from worrying about him, but after a long night of overthinking and beating himself up for not admitting his feelings to you sooner he’d delete the playlists he’d made for you- which was the tipping point where you realized something was wrong.

You’d approached him after a photo shoot when you’d stopped by to bring the members lunch, and it wouldn’t be hard to tell that he wasn’t his usual comfortable self around you.

*talking softly so as not to be heard by the rest of the guys*

“Hyunjinnie...is everything ok? Y-you’ve been acting different recently...”

*averting his gaze as he shook his head, forcing a small smile*

“I’m not acting differently, Y/N, I’m not sure what you mean.”

*frowning as you inched yourself closer to him, looking at him quizzically as he continued to avoid your gaze*

“Yes you have been...you won’t even look at me now and you deleted the playlists-”

“They were just playlist, Y/N.”

His interjection was harsher than you’d anticipated, and it stung as the words left his lips. He’d never intended on pushing you away, he wanted nothing more than for you to be in his life- but he couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to watch you fall for one of his closest friends and the thought alone was too much for him. He’d rather keep you at arm’s length, not wanting to intervene or create a confrontation. 

“W-what?”

*his eyes darting around the room, focusing on anything except your face as he tried to keep his spirits up*

“They were just songs, it’s not a big deal...” 

*and then, despite every ounce of his body warning him against saying something jealous and biting, he continued*

“You have someone else who can make you playlists from now on, right?”

Jisung: 

On the outside Jisung comes across as a very bubbly, “heart-on-his-sleeve” kind of guy- but underneath that outward persona is a much softer and more sensitive side of him. He’d liked you for a while but he’d never said anything because, truthfully, he was worried about how it might damage your friendship with all the members. You were all so close and, though there were moments where he’d almost swear you seemed to like him back, he was worried that if he acted on his feelings he’d risk ruining the near perfect dynamic you all had. It wasn’t that he’d never considered it, of course his heart ached a little every time you smiled at one of the other guys or fell asleep on their shoulder- he’d tell himself if only you were his...you could fall asleep in his arms instead. But Jisung isn’t the kind of guy to rush into a relationship, especially not with someone he considers a close friend. He’d over-analyzed and been too in-his-head a thousand times, until one very late night at the studio.

He’d gone into the studio to record some vocals with Jeongin and Seungmin, finding moments of downtime in between his parts to rest and play on his phone. Seungmind had been recording for a while at this point, as as the clock struck well-past midnight Jisung could feel himself growing tired. The younger member beside him was also visibly tired, but as he leaned over towards the older member his eyes caught a glimpse Jisung’s phone- the homescreen of which was a selfie the two of you had taken together on a trip to the beach. It could’ve just been a nice photo between two friends- but of course it was much more than that to Jisung. Maybe if Jeongin had been a little more awake he would’ve picked up on the nervous glance the older member gave him as he pulled his phone away- but instead he said something that took Jisung by even more shock. 

*leaning his head on the back of the sofa behind him as he stared up at the ceiling, his voice barely above a shy whisper*

“Hyung...do you think Y/N is seeing anyone?”

*his eyes widening as he turned to face Jeongin, giving him a confused look*

“W-why do you ask?”

*his gaze suddenly shifting to face the floor as he fiddled with his fingers apprehensively*

“I just...I know we’re good friends, but that doesn’t mean (she/he) doesn’t have other friends...maybe even a boyfriend...”

*scoffing as he turned back to his phone, trying to play off the fact that for a moment he thought the youngest member had caught him*

“Yah, why do you care about that kind of thing, hmm?”

*without skipping a beat as he turned to face Jisung with a serious expression plastered across his face*

“Because...I like (her/him).”

The instant those words echoed out across the small room, Jisung’s heart would plummet. He’d liked you for so long and now one of his closest friends- someone he considered to be his brother- had just admitted he felt the same. Despite his usual forth-coming and straightforward attitude, Jisung would stay entirely silent. If Jeongin hadn’t been so sleep-deprived, it would have been easy to read the distraught and pained look on Jisung’s face as he sat frozen in his chair. He sat there in thought for a while, falling silent for so long Jeongin almost mistook him for asleep. 

“Hyung?”

*glancing over towards him without facing towards him, worried his face would give away to many of his real emotions*

“Mm?”

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Again, there was silence. On one hand, Jisung’s heart was unequivocally yours and it had been for quite sometime, but on the other hand he would never and could never intentionally hurt one of his members. He couldn’t muster ethusiastic or encouraging words, he could barely muster any words at all, but he managed to keep himself from saying anything that he knew deep down he could no longer admit. Jeongin had had the courage to admit his feelings, and he hadn’t. Maybe you deserved someone like Jeongin- someone who wouldn’t overthink every little move...someone willing to be bold even if it felt selfish. 

“Oh...does Y/N know?”

*shaking his head as he adjusted his position on the couch, now fully laying down as he prepared to take a nap*

“No...I don’t know if I should tell (her/him). I want to...but I don’t know, maybe that isn’t the right thing to do...what do you think, hyung?” 

Before Jisung had the chance to fall into a silent stupor of his own thoughts, he felt his phone vibrate in his hand. He glanced down, only to see your name flash across the screen. If signs from the universe existed, Jisung decided that must have been one. Without a second thought, Jisung said the words that had desperately been building at the base of his throat from the moment Jeongin admitted his feelings for you. It was selfish and Jisung knew it, but in that moment knowing that it was the wrong thing to say wasn’t enough to stop him from saying it. 

“Don’t. Don’t tell (her/him).” 

Felix: 

Unlike some of the other member’s who kept their feelings very much to themselves, Felix would be pretty obvious about his feelings towards you- and it would be especially obvious to the other members. He hadn’t confessed to you outright and in all honesty you hadn’t seemed to be picking up on his subtle flirtatious hints, but the guys were quick to spot it and teased him a bit when you weren’t around. While they often encouraged Felix to be upfront about his feelings he hadn’t built up the nerve to do so. Of course he wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by mistaking harmless friendship for something more. He wasn’t quite ready to put his heart on the line-- at least so he thought. 

One particular evening he’d invited you over to the dorm to cook with him, an activity the two of you often did together as a fun way to de-stress and just have a nice time. Sometimes the other guys would join you and other times it was just the two of you, but on this particular occasion it was just you and Felix-- and Changbin. 

Of course Felix never minded when the other guys hung out with the two of you, though recently they’d intentionally been giving the two of you alone time in the kitchen in hopes that Felix might confess. It seemed a little odd that Changbin had parked himself in the living room, working on his computer with his headphones in just as you and Felix entered the front door. The guys usually tried to make themselves scarce if they knew you were coming over as a subtle way of encouraging Felix to open up to you- but tonight Changbin seemed to have missed the memo. Of course the instant you saw him you’d invited him into the kitchen to cook with you and, though he seemed very reluctant, he’d begrudgingly agreed. Felix wouldn’t say anything, truthfully he always had fun with you and Binnie-- though he doubted he’d be able to open up about his true feelings with one of his closest friends around. Felix is a pretty observant person, especially when it comes to people he’s close with, and he can always tell when something’s amiss, so it didn’t take him long to notice that Changbin didn’t seem particularly interested in your late night baking. He would smile and agreeably measure out the flour like you’d asked him too, but it wasn’t hard to tell that the instant you stopped looking at him his expression would shift and the mood drained from his face. After a while in the kitchen, you excused yourself to use the restroom, and as a silence fell over the room Felix was quick to bring it up, worrying that something might be weighing on his friend’s mind. 

“Hyung, are you ok? You seem kinda out of it.” 

*shaking his head as he adjusted the baseball cap on his head, forcing a weak smile*

“Yeah, yeah I’m good...actually I should head out- I gotta go to the studio and work on some stuff but, uhh...tell Y/N bye for me, ok?”

*giving him a concerned face as he stopped the elder man, grabbing his arm lightly as he started towards the door*

“Hey, hey man I can tell something’s up, ok? For real, tell me-- you’re scaring me now, hyung. Are you in trouble or something?”

*shaking his head as he pulled his arm away from Felix’s grasp*

“I’m fine, I promise...I just shouldn’t be here right now.” 

“Wh-what, why? I thought we were having a fun time? Look if you think it’s because I was gonna talk to Y/N tonight about, y’know, how I felt or something, it’s ok! I’d rather we all have a nice time together, I can talk to (her/him) some other time.”

*inhaling sharply as he pulled off his cap to run his hands through his hair apprehensively, shaking his head as his gaze met Felix’s momentarily*

“It’s not that I just...I don’t think it’s good for me to be here, I’m just gonna head to the studio ok?”

*growing concern evident in his voice as he stopped the older man once again, worried that maybe he’d offended him or said something wrong in some way*

“Hyung seriously just tell me what’s going on?”

*snapping as he turned towards the younger member quickly, his voice sharp but still soft enough to not be heard outside the small kitchen*

“I like (her/him), ok! Is that what you wanted to hear, man? I can’t be here right now because I know how you feel about Y/N and it’s fucked up for me to even feel the way I do-- but I can’t help it and if I stay here I’m gonna do something I’ll regret, ok?!”

Felix’s face immediately fell, his eyes growing slightly wider as his once playful and teasing smile faded from his expression, leaving him looking perplexed and hurt. Changbin was one of his best friends and he’d just admitted to having feelings for you-- despite knowing that Felix had every intention of asking you to be his. He’d feel confused, hurt, and honestly a little bit betrayed-- but more than anything he’d be conflicted. 

“W-why did you tell me that, hyung...I- what am I supposed to do with that?” 

His voice was soft, barely above a whisper as Changbin stared at the floor, clearly feeling ashamed for letting his feelings slip so carelessly. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything, Lix...I’m sorry.” 

“Are you gonna love (her/him)?” The question echoed throughout the hollow room that suddenly felt ten times colder and Felix’s tone deepened as his frustrations started to slip through the cracks.

“Are you going to take responsibility for your feelings? Are you gonna show up for (her/him) no matter what-- do you really think you’re what’s best for Y/N, I mean, be honest with me!” He wasn’t yelling, his voice wasn’t carrying nearly enough impact to be heard by others outside the conversation, but he might as well have been. The bite in his tone was harsher than he’d anticipated, and by the slightly shocked look on Changbin’s face it was obvious he hadn’t expected the level of hurt Felix was clearly feeling. 

“Felix, look bro I-I wasn’t planning for this to happen, ok, I never wanted to be in this situation...”

“But we are in this situation, now, Bin...whether we like it or not.” His voice was softer now, more dejected as he stared at his closest friend, void of expression. Felix was never to fight unnecessarily, especially not with his members who he considered to be like his brothers. That being said, he had no problem being upfront about what was upsetting him if he felt it was necessary-- not holding back as he addressed the difficult situation head on. Despite his stern words, the hurt would be evident on his face as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do in this situation-- something he never expected to be faced with. Changbin was silent for a moment, listening to the faucet turn on from the other room as the two men realized you’d be back momentarily. 

“I’m not gonna act on it...if that’s what you’re asking.” 

*quiet for a moment as he heard your footsteps echoing against the hardwood floors, turning toward his friend with a serious expression*

“Should we pretend this never happened, then? Because we can...I’m giving you a chance to take it back, and I’ll forget you ever said what you said.” 

The two paused for a moment as you rounded the corner, tapping absentmindedly on your phone without realizing the severity of the conversation happening in just the other room.

“Tell Y/N or don’t, hyung-- I can’t tell you to do...but I’m not giving up. I don’t wanna fight you for (her/him)...but I will if I have to.”

Seungmin:

There aren’t going to be a lot of words exchanged when it comes to Seungmin finding out that Minho had a crush on you. In all honesty, there weren’t a lot of words exchanged between the two of you even before Seungmin found out about Minho’s feelings-- something about you made him ridiculously shy and though he did his best to talk with you and hold conversations he always found himself blushing and stumbling over his words. Minho isn’t one to admit his feelings outright, especially not to the other guys, but Seungmin is incredibly intuitive and it didn’t take long for him to realize the older member saw you as much more than a friend. Part of it filled him with anger and frustration, but more than anyone else Seungmin would feel those things towards himself. He’d be hard on himself for not having the courage to talk to you more, watching with an ache in his chest and Minho effortlessly had conversations with you, made you laugh, and even taught you a few dance moves after practice. It was like it was effortless between the two of you, and though a part of Seungmin knew you’d have been just as friendly towards him had he extended he couldn’t work up the nerve to say something. 

It may have taken him a while to be honest with you about his feelings, but this push was exactly what he needed. He wouldn’t expect anything from you- he fully anticipated that you’d reject him, after all, he didn’t talk with you much and was more often than not caught admiring you quietly. But one late night on set for their latest photo shoot, you’d stopped by to support them and bring them food- and he’d take that moment as an opportunity to finally open up to you. He knew there was a possibility that what he was doing was really idiotic, after all, Minho might confess to you and if the two of you started dating it’d be more than a little awkward around the younger member. But even though Seungmin realized all of that, he had feelings weighing on his heart that he couldn’t keep bundled up any longer.

When you arrived at the studio where they were shooting with bags of take out from the boy’s favorite restaurant in hand, Minho was quick to help you unload everything. Seungmin watched for a moment, wondering if he’d once again lost his opportunity. But as you started walking around the set and bringing each of the member’s their food, he felt his heart skip a beat and he knew he’d have another opportunity to say something, despite the fact that his hands were shaking.

*walking up to him and smiling shyly as you handed him his take out order, looking around awkward as he appeared to have a cold expression on his face*

‘Uhm..I hope they got everything right on your order...if they didn’t you can tell me and I’ll go back and have them fix it.”

*letting a genuine smile seep through his nervous exterior as he thanked you, taking the bag from your hands*

“I-I’m sure it’s fine...thank you.”

*nodding softly as you went to walk away, feeling a lull in the conversation to be his way of asking you to leave”

Just as you took a step away from him to leave, he’d reach out and grab your wrist, his eyes just as wide as yours at his own bold action. You turned towards him, glancing between his face and his hand that was wrapped snugly around your wrist as he gently pulled you back to him.

“I-I was hoping I could say something to you, Y/N...if that’s ok.”

*giving him a slightly confused but understanding expression as you nodded*

“Uhh..sure, Seungmin...is everything ok?”

*nodding as he let go of your wrist, holding his hands close to him to hopefully hide the fact that they were still shaking slightly from the nerves*

“I...I know I don’t talk to you enough. I know you probably think I’m cold towards you, or that I don’t like you- but it isn’t true. Any of it...I-I do want to talk to you. I want to be your friend but...”

*looking away as he glanced over towards Minho on the other side of the studio and feeling his nerves spike*

“I don’t expect you to take responsibility for this, Y/N...and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable...but I w-want to be more than your friend.”

*taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair apprehensively as he studied your face for any signs of emotion at all, but you still looked to be mostly in shock*

“I-I’m sorry I...I don’t want you to think you owe me anything, you really don’t. If you want to date someone else, I understand. I just wanted to tell you, if I’m quiet or act cold towards you...I hope you’ll understand why.”

Jeongin:

Jeongin is the kind of person who’s quick to show his emotions when he’s happy and sharing in other’s excitemen, but when it comes to his own hardships and sadness he quickly becomes closed off. Despite being the youngest in the group, Jeongin's mentality is oriented towards not burdening others with his problems-- and he especially doesn’t want to feel as though his members take pity on him. Maybe that’s why he’d never admitted to the others that he had a crush on you-- because a part of him could tell from the beginning that he wasn’t the only one to have those feelings. 

Though Jeongin can be playfully confrontational and doesn’t mind calling his friends out over small things, when it comes to actual conflict Jeongin is more soft-hearted and isn’t one to address things immediately. So when he noticed Seungmin’s cheeks tinge red every time you sat beside him, or every time you paid him a compliment, Jeongin wouldn’t have the nerve to bring it up right away. He knew Seungmin was equally soft-hearted and the two as a pair wouldn’t have much need for direct confrontation, but his lack of confrontation shouldn’t be mistaken for giving in-- because there’s no way in hell Jeongin would give up on you just because his friend liked you too.

When he’d invited you over to the JYP office where he was working on some lyrics late in the evening, his intentions had been completely harmless. The two of you often worked together on things like that, he’d tease you by saying that you were his good luck charm but you had no idea how true that really was. He always wrote more freely and from the heart when you were around, something about your presence always seemed to coax out the romantic side of him-- which proved very beneficial when it came to writing love songs. 

*checking your phone as Jeongin worked silently beside you, finding a peaceful quietude between the two of you until you came across a text message that made you laugh*

“Oh my god, Innie look what Seungmin just sent me-”

*holding the phone up for Jeongin to see, his face morphing into a tense frown as he looked over at your phone and the funny video that was playing*

“Y/N I’m busy...just send things like that to me and I’ll watch them later, ok?” 

*frowning slightly as you nodded, apologizing for interrupting his work flow*

“...only send them if they’re actually funny though.” 

He knew he he shouldn’t have muttered the last part under his breath, you wer close enough to hear him and when he glanced over at your confused expression he knew he was on the verge of saying something he might regret. 

“What do you mean? You didn’t think it was funny?” You laughed softly as you pulled the video clip back up, giggling as you rewatched it. 

“I dunno, I thought it was funny...Seungminnie always sends the funniest things.”

Maybe he would’ve let it slide if you hadn’t said that, if you hadn’t giggled the way you did, if you hadn’t called Seungmin by his pet name-- but you had. He could feel tension boiling in the pit of his stomach, a mix of jealousy and angst at the fact that he couldn’t admit on the spot that your giggle made his heart skip a beat. 

“Well if you think he’s that funny maybe you should help him write lyrics late at night instead...”

“Jeongin what does that have to do with-”

“Forget it...forget I said anything...” He interjected, fully aware of how disjointed his logic had become as he tried to maintain the frustration building in the pit of his stomach. You slid your chair slightly closer to him, your expression softening as you realized something was bothering him beyond the silly video. 

*pulling on his sleeve gently and looking at him with worried eyes*

“Innie...what’s going on?”

*inhaling sharply at your sudden touch, continuing to stare at his screen for fear of crumbling completely if he were to meet your gaze and muttering quietly under his breath, unsure of whether you could hear him or not*

“Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like if you were just mine, y’know...”

[dadsbongos]

Insert Coin - Chapter 3.d / Series Masterlist

“It could be awkward for the others to see me leaving your cottage,” Hajime spoke in the silence after Monokuma’s morning announcement, “The last thing we want is for someone to make… assumptions about us.”

“Just don’t let it come off awkward,” (Y/n) giggled as she pulled on her shoes, “It’s easy!”

“I don’t see how ‘just don't’ is a valid way of avoiding awkwardness…”

“Nobody can make fun of you if they don’t know what you’re doing wrong,” the girl stood, hand on the doorknob of her cottage, “In other words, if you’re confident, people won’t poke holes in what you’re doing! I’ve seen people walk into movies without getting tickets because they were just super confident. Look like you know what you’re doing and people will leave you alone,” she pulled the door open, letting Hajime out first, “Except Hiyoko.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Hajime hesitated as he walked off, but his posture suggested an allusion of bullheadedness unmatched by even Kazuichi. And, just as he’d desired, nobody approached him with teasing remarks or questions as he went to his own cottage to change. He could’ve done so while (Y/n) was changing in the bathroom, but apparently, her furniture was especially distracting - locking him in place on her bed.

Upon entering the dining hall, (Y/n) was struck into stunned silence. Her eyes widening in shock at the scene before her - Akane was wailing over the possible upcoming death of Nekomaru, Ibuki was mindlessly nodding along to any rude thing Hiyoko said, and Nagito… Nagito wasn’t even there.

Approaching Sonia, (Y/n) quirked a brow as she gestured to the group, “You know what their deal is?”

Shaking her head, the princess crossed his arms as she stared over her peers sadly, “Mikan said they feel warm, well, besides the obvious… ailments.”

“(Y/n)...” a loud groan came from behind the pair, both turning to see a paler-than-usual, sweaty, miserable Nagito stumbling over to them, “You look so disgusting today! So irrevocably horrific I can’t stand it, I hate that I have to see you! My day was perfect until I saw you!”

“Nagito, what the hell?” Hajime spat from the doorway, brows furrowed at the luck's rudeness, “She’s been nothing but nice to you this entire time- "

“What if he’s sick too?”

“Huh?”

“I feel fine!”

“Look at Akane and Ibuki,” (Y/n) pat her friend’s shoulder, she was ever so grateful for Hajime stepping in even though it probably wasn’t necessary, “they’re acting totally different from usual. It probably wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say Nagito was affected as well,” she placed a hand over the sickly boy’s forehead, “He’s warm too. He was warm yesterday.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Nagito’s breath grew ragged, sweating profusely in (Y/n)’s grasp, “I’m perfectly fine! Don’t touch me! I’d rather die than let you touch me!”

His eyes widened before rolling back, spittle flying from his mouth as he fell back - landing on the dining hall floor with a harsh ‘thud’. Rushing down to his side, (Y/n) took up the convulsing boy’s head and cradled it, looking to the Ultimate Nurse for guidance when loud giggling interrupted the group.

Monokuma held his little conniving paws in front of his mouth, clearly finding enjoyment out of the group’s hazy confusion, “Oh, dear! It seems that some of your friends have caught the Despair Disease!” at the group’s continued confusion, he huffed, forcing on a charisma of television’s finest host, “Surprise! It's your next motive! Ibuki has the Gullible Disease, Akane has the Coward Disease, and Nagito has the Liar Disease!" he gave a last few giggles and a warning of it being contagious before disappearing.

“Hajime, lift Nagito with me,” (Y/n) instructed, taking up the unconscious boy’s body as carefully as she could while speaking to the group, “Mikan, there’s a hospital on the third island, right?”

"R-r-right, we could c-care for them th-there," Mikan nodded.

As the group headed out, some straying farther away than others in fear of catching the Despair Disease, (Y/n) thought back to the things Nagito had said to her. It was silly, especially in a scenario such as theirs - but she couldn’t help but be transfixed on what he meant behind his lies.

~~

Once everyone had been settled in the hospital and the communication device was being worked on by Kazuichi, (Y/n) found herself in a difficult situation. Jammed between two friends she cared for deeply.

“Hajime, you can’t be serious right now. He has the Liar’s Disease.”

“(Y/n)’s exactly wrong. She’s too stupid to figure it out.”

“He said he wanted me gone.”

“Hajime,” she muttered, taking the bridge of her nose between forefinger and thumb, “What do you think Liar’s Disease means?”

“It still hurt,” Hajime crossed his arms before turning towards the door, “I’m going to find Mikan…”

“Ask her to do another check-up on Nagito when she has the chance, please? He’s doing worse than the others and I’m not sure why,” (Y/n) had an inkling, but she shouldn’t spill secrets so openly.

A mere nod and Hajime was walking out, Nagito smiling as he spoke, “You’ve been such a nuisance this entire time. I need a better caretaker.”

It took a brief mental translation before (Y/n)’s heart was warming, “Oh, how sweet, I’m glad to be of service.”

“I really do hate your face, it’s hideous.”

“Never thought I’d take that as a compliment but there’s a first for everything, right?”

Upon Mikan’s entrance to the room she glanced between the patient and caretaker, her fingers racking together as she stepped towards Nagito’s IV, “H-how has he b-been doing?”

“Not well, he’s been talking about being extremely hot and keeps saying he feels great.”

“I…” Nagito’s eyes fluttered, coughing as he spoke, “I feel… amazing… my vision is perfectly clear too, how incredible… so hot…”

“There’s spare blankets in the storage room, correct? I can grab some,” (Y/n) rose from her seat as Mikan gingerly took the boy’s temperature.

Hospitals sickened her deeply. The scent of sterilization and the shiny linoleum floors sent shivers down her spine at something so macabre. Lying in the beds where others have died didn’t exactly sound like good motivation for healing. This hospital was barely different - grime in the grouts and dirt collecting on surfaces not touched in however long the building had been here. Not that it helped.

If anything, it was only more bizarre and discombobulating fashioned as an abandoned hospital than a lively one. And she tried to avoid the disturbing scene playing behind plexiglass beside her in the hall best she could.

Fuyuhiko and (Y/n) arrived at the storage room synchronistically, giving each other a stare before shaking themselves out of their respective trances and entering the small, dimly lit room.

The blond spared a glance to the peacekeeper, “How’s uh- " he grimaced, hating the man attached to the name he was about to spew, “How’s Nagito?”

“Not well,” (Y/n) took out two folded blankets before handing one to Fuyuhiko, “Mikan’s checking up on him right now. He’s been looking worse than the others, I’ve noticed - it’s a little worrying. What about Akane?”

Fuyuhiko’s face fell at the reminder of his patient, “Louder than what I’m used to from her,” he held up the blanket in his grasp, “She’s soaked through two of these fuckin’ things already.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate,” (Y/n) muttered sympathetically, patting Fuyuhiko’s back, “Good luck with all that, eh? I’ll be with Nagito if you need any help,” her chest ached at the blond’s new eyepatch, “Make sure you take of yourself, alright?”

Flustered, Fuyuhiko looked away from the girl, “I’ll be fine.”

“Glad to hear it, but, if you ever need help - we’re all here for you.”

“I didn’t come to sing kumbaya in the storage closet,” the short boy snarked before stalking off.

“Fair,” (Y/n) sighed, largely to herself, before following his example and heading back to Nagito’s room.

By the time she’d arrived, Nagito was already fast asleep with Mikan nervously watching over him - switching between his body and his vitals. The poor nurse jumping when (Y/n)’s voice suddenly peeked out in the silence - asking if she was clear to lay the blanket over their patient.

“Ah!” Mikan calmed down once she saw who it was, a hand coming up and over her chest, “(Y/n)! Y-you sca-scared me…”

“Sorry,” the girl chuckled, hoping to release the awkward tension, “Am I though? Good to put down the blanket? I don’t wanna screw with anything.”

“You-you’ll be good… just be c-careful of his l-left arm…” Mikan pointed to the IVs attached to Nagito.

Nodding, the peacekeeper carefully laid the blanket over the shivering boy’s body, tucking it where she deemed necessary. Pity plundered her poor pattering heart at the distressed furrow in his brows. She sat at one of the stools around the Ultimate Luck’s bedside, taking his right hand and brushing her thumb over the bony knuckles.

She didn’t think Despair Disease would work so heavily with his cancer and dementia. It was worse than his luck cycle, it was God pointing and laughing at a young man who had been delivered pain merely for existing.

“He sh-should be fine for n-now,” Mikan nodded to herself, still checking Nagito's vitals, “He’ll be out fo-for a while… if an-anything like th-that happens, let me know!” even her exclamations sounded so timid in her soft voice.

“In seconds,” (Y/n) confirmed, still focused on the ill boy trapped in his hospital bed, just before the nurse left she called to her, “Hey, Mikan? Thank you. It’s admirable how quickly you stepped up to do this, I’m sure the others feel the same too.”

“It’s n-nothing, really…” Mikan smiled softly to herself despite the dismissal, a light blush festering over her cheeks, “B-but thank you!”