#they are actually leading max to retire

[pitstoplexi]

Ik Max probably isn’t going to gaffff!!

drivers could be fined €80,000 for swearing, potential race bans, losing points?!

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Take It Like A Good Girl

Lando Norris x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mad!Lando, cursing, SMUT

Summary: After Lando's DNF he takes his anger out on you in his driver's room.

PLEASE READ!!!!

A/N: Not that anyone asked, but I’m 2 followers away from 300 and I want to say: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I never thought that 298 people would like my fics enough to follow me and to come back for more but I’m eternally grateful for each and every single one of you! I hope you’re enjoying the content I’m putting out and I’m not going no where!!!!

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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F1 Masterlist

Seeing my boyfriend jump out of his Formula 1 car usually is a great sight to see. However, this time he's jumping out because he had to retire the car after a damning fight for the lead of the race against Max Verstappen and the contact was just too much for the car to bear.

The McLaren garage was half filled with a mixture of sadness and happiness. Sadness because Lando had to retire but happiness because Oscar has brought himself up to P2, which would still bring the team a significant amount of points.

When Lando actually got into the garage he walked past everyone without a second glance. I thought Lando was going to walk past me too with how fast he was walking away, however, he grabbed my hand and yanked me in the direction he was walking in.

It didn't take long for us to get to whatever destination I was being dragged to, which happened to be his drivers room. I didn't have a chance to ask him why he dragged me here before he shoved me inside and took off his helmet before speaking.

"Take off your clothes"

Now I'm used to Lando demanding me to take my clothes off when we're about to have sex but the way he was telling me right now sent heat blooming in my core.

"I'm not going to ask again. Take your clothes off" I figured it was better to not question Lando right now given how upset he is at the moment.

I only got to taking off my shirt before I felt Lando yank my body to his and smashing our lips together in a passionate and heated kiss. I felt his tongue brush against my bottom lip as if begging for entrance which I happily granted. Our tongues fought for dominance but Lando's ultimately won in the end. My arms wrapped around his neck trying to pull him impossibly closer to me as we continued to make out. Without breaking the kiss, Lando started to rid himself of his race suit and fireproofs as I started to undo the buckle of my belt before yanking it off of me with so much force, I broke a belt loop.

I felt Lando grab a hold of my wrists as I began to unbutton my pants

"Let me take care of you." Lando mumbled against my lips

"I should be saying the same thing to you" I said as I pulled away to look in his eyes

"If you want to make me feel better, you'll let me do anything I want to you. Right here, right now." Lando said as his hand collided with my ass which made a loud clap echo through his drivers room.

A slight nod of my head gave Lando all the permission he needed at the moment because the second he registered that I was giving him permission to take total control right now, I saw him drop to his knees as he unbuttoned my jeans and slowly pulled them down until they pooled at met ankles, leaving kisses in his wake before pulling them off and throwing them in a forgotten corner of his room.

Lando started by my ankle, kissing up my leg and the inside of my thigh before pulling my panties to the side and licking a long strip from my clit to my hole as he thrusted his tongue in me. My body tensed at the feeling of his tongue on my bare pussy before instantly relaxing into his touch as he threw one of my legs over his shoulder, my hands finding his hair instantly.

Lando sucked and licked my clit as he inserted two fingers into my aching hole, thrusting them at a merciless pace. I could feel my orgasm approaching closer which caused me to clench around Lando's fingers as he continued to fuck them into me. My hand that was in his hair grabbed a chunk of it as I started bucking my hips up into his face to push myself over the edge, which Lando didn't take kindly to. Pulling his fingers out, Lando placed a harsh slap against my bare pussy causing a mixture of a yelp and a moan to escape my lips as he did so.

"Did I give you permission to cum?" Lando said as he looked dead into may soul.

I didn't have time to answer before Lando stood up and manhandled me, turning me around and bending me over the massage bed before lining himself up to my entrance. Lando dragged his cock from my hole to my clit and back to my aching hole before roughly thrusting into me without warning.

Lando's grip on my hips was sure to leave marks later but I couldn't focus on that when all my mind could think of was the delicious pleasure Lando was so kindly giving me.

All that could be heard in the room was the sound of my moans, Lando’s grunts and a whole bunch of skin to skin contact as Lando’s pace grew relentless. Every few thrusts Lando would slap my ass hard before rubbing a hand over it as if to soothe the pain right away.

I could feel my orgasm building again and Lando could tell, he could read my body as if it was an open book. My broken moans started growing louder as my orgasm was quickly making itself evident. Just before I was about to fall of the edge and relish the euphoria of an orgasm, Lando pulls out and flips me so he could lift me up to sit on the massage bed before aligning himself up with my entrance again and continuing his rough pace.

“I know you’re close but I need you to hold off for me. Can you do that? Can you hold off your orgasm for me? I’m getting close.” My brain couldn’t register the words being spoken right now as all it wanted was to finally think about something else than an orgasm that’s been denied twice already.

I felt Lando slightly slap my cheeks to get my attention before saying “Aww, look at my baby. So cock drunk already and we just barely started.” All I could do was moan at the words coming out of his mouth. How I absolutely loved when Lando talked dirty in bed, it just made me go feral for him.

“I’m close baby, I need you to let go. Cum for me baby. Cum all over my cock, yes, take it like a good girl, ride it out” A wave of Euphoria waved over my body as I finally got to cum before quickly turning into my body jolting with overstimulation as Lando kept fucking me through this orgasm.

Lando’s hips faltered as he too was getting close to his orgasm “I’m about to cum, where do you want it?” Lando said, stuttering as he talked because he was too busy on trying not to cum inside on me before I gave him an answer.

I weakly muttered my response “My mouth. I want you to fuck your orgasm into my mouth. Please daddy, I need it” Lando didn’t need to hear my response a second time before he quickly pulled out of me and brought my face down to his cock before thrusting into it.

I flattened my tongue to give Lando more clearance to fuck my throat at a merciless pace while he chased his orgasm. Once Lando’s hips stuttered and he knew he was about to spurt his cum down my throat, he grabbed the back of my head, pulling me impossibly closer to him so his cock was angled down my throat at he continued to fuck my face. It wasn’t long before I felt the hot spurts of Land’s cum glide down my throat, I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to because all I could think about was air. I hadn’t been in this position long but my airway was completely blocked off and I felt like I was going to pass out.

When Lando finally pulled back with a string of saliva being the only thing still attaching us to one another, I was able to gasp for air as I swallowed the remainder of his cum that was barely spurting out of his swollen head as he was pulled out.

Lando cupped my face and stared at me in silence for a few seconds before talking, “Did I go too hard?”

A little giggle left my lips. Even in his dirtiest of moments, Lando was always a gentleman and one to make sure that he didn’t overstep any boundaries in the process.

“M’fine, I couldn’t breathe for a second but it was hot” I said as I bit my bottom lip

“Fuckkk, you’re so hot” Lando said as he pulled me in for a kiss, tasting himself on my tongue as he tried to devour me while trying to get ready for round 2.

A knock at the door is what halted Lando’s movements “podiums are in 5 mate, we need you out here to celebrate me!” a male voice, who we made out to be Oscar could be heard from the other side of the door

Before pulling himself completely off of me, Lando wrapped a hand around the back of mt head and pulled me close to whisper in my ear

“Rest up now because when we get back to the hotel, you’re not getting sleep tonight.”

-

Sorry this is shit. I wanted to give you something before I knocked tf out.

If you enjoyed please like, comment, reblog and follow! I really appreciate all the love and support I’ve been getting!

-

taglist:

@luckyladycreator2 @itsmiamalfoy @jeffs77 @ilivbullyingjeongin @forevercaffeinated-lee @daemyratwst @gulphulp @callsignwidow @f1wintermoon13 @teenwolf01 @victoriassecret101 @hiireadstuff @formulaal @eddieharrington @kazza72584 @zabwlky1999 @dark-night-sky-99 @rougekiki @xoscar03 @jess-wither @bountychanti @dhanihamidi @Ggasly.p @tellybearryyyy @a-panseuxalmess @love-simon @tallrock35 @iiaik0ii @Milkyymelanine @ilovsyou3000morgan

[lcriedlastnight]

Can you do a fluffy and angsty fic for Lando after Austria, his girl comforting him. I'm surprised there aren't more after what happened under the tags but the only ones that were there are smut, which I don't really want to read I want fluff and angst.

sorry it took me so long to respond anon! i've been swamped.

tw: fem! reader, swears, AUSTRIA!!!!, lmk if you want me to add anything.

w/c: 1k

you watch as lando trailed after max and you knew one of two things was inevitable. either lando was going to overtake max and finally take the lead after what seemed like forever, or the two boys were going to crash into each other.

you watch with one eye open every time lando tries to overtake max. you makes your body tense up as you fear that this will be the time their tires touch. you try to stay hopeful but you know that this will not end well, neither drivers willing to give up their positions and both trying to fight for that first place position.

it happens so quickly, it was a blink and you'll miss it incident. all you see is lando's mclaren try another move on max then something flying in the air. you can hear shouts from the mclaren team around you but you were still confused, you were not sure what exactly was happening. you watch as max slows down and lando finally overtakes him. you hear that he has received a five second penalty. you see a flash of a red bull fly past in the pit lane and then suddenly, lando's own car is stopped, practically half of its back wheel missing. it is then that it finally registers. they had contact and it had caused lando to retire from the race (you later found out it was his own decision).

you had not been with lando long enough to know what to do in this kind of situation. you just stay where you are for ten minutes until maybe the last few laps of the race when you feel lando's presence looming around you.

he does not even have to ask you to follow him as he heads towards his drivers room, head bowed down, not even looking where he was going. the boy was lucky he did not walk into any walls. if it had been any other situation you would have laughed at his carelessness but right now you had no clue how to act.

once you were both in the privacy of his room, lando slumps down on the little couch headfirst. you linger at the door, your hands longing to soothe him and your mind crying out to tell him it will all be alright.

"are you alright?" you question. it comes off timid as much as you tried to seem confident. you knew it was a silly question. you knew he was not fine but you just felt like you had to ask. lando sighs into one of the throw pillows at the question. for some reason this is what spurs you to spring into action. you take the few steps over to join him on the couch and sit as the space next to his feet.

"lando, look at me." you tell him, you voice much more firm and stable than before. lando does as you ask and turns himself so he is facing you and looks at you so sadly he might as well have just ripped out your heart out and jumped on it right there and then.

"that was all max's fault. you did nothing wrong. you tried an overtake, you wouldn't be a racer if you just sat back and let max lead the whole race. you're the only person on the grid who is consistently challenging max every weekend, that's something to be proud of.” you grab his hand gently and let your thumb rub it's own path along the skin of wrist.

"i'm shit. i've had one win and now i can't seem to do it again and when i finally get the chance to, like today, max just fucks me up because he would rather dnf than finish second! and he didn't even retire the fucking car he actually kept on racing which makes me look even worse!" by the end of his rant his voice was louder and you could see the tears of frustration in his eyes.

you swiftly pull him up by his hand to be face to face with you. you hold eye contact with him, letting him know how much you meant what you were going to say.

"you are not shit, lando. you've had one win and now you're hungry for more, of course it's gonna hurt a little when you come second again but listen to me. every single race you are getting closer and closer to max. i know you want it to be now but just because it isn't doesn't mean you're shit. it just means that max knows you are more of a threat than before miami and he can't just saunter along like he did at the start of the season. you're doing so well, please don't doubt yourself."

lando listens through your entire rant without trying to interrupt once and once you are finished talking he drops his head into your lap. "i really, really thought i was gonna get it this time. i really wanted it." he mumbles into your thigh. you know it is killing him and you cannot stand it. you know the only thing you can do to help him though, is to listen to him and give him the most comfort you can manage.

you sigh, hand coming to run through his sweaty, messy curls. "i know, baby. it's coming and it will be so fucking great when it does. i'll be here waiting for you and then we can celebrate like it's first, huh? that sound good?"

you can feel the small smile lando manages on your leg as he nods against it.

you stay like that for what seems like ages but you know it cannot be that long because before lando can even ask the time there is a knock on his door, alerting him that he had press to do in two minutes. he sighs and hauls himself from his comfortable position.

"you're so strong lan, be strong." you tell him with a quick kiss to his lips. lando knows it is a good luck kiss. lando also knows that you know how much he hates doing any kind of press or media when he was feeling like this.

"wish you could come with me." lando's frown is so deep it sort of looks like a half pout half frown. you smile at his cuteness.

"when you come back we can go back to the hotel, order in and watch that adam sandler film you like."

this seems to perk the boy up significantly as he give you a peck on the forehead before rushing out to get his media done and dusted. a night in with you sounded like heaven to him right now. he did not want to me reminded of the events of the day's race but he would put up with it for the end result. you and him cuddled up, together. it is all he ever wants.

[ghost-of-a-dream-girl]

as a doctor, where in the hospital staff would you place each of the bg3 companions? what would fit their characters the most?

Hahah oh this is great

Gonna keep this to doctors but let’s do different specialties

Ok so starting off strong: I think Karlach has big emergency medicine energy. She’s running the ED with an energy that nobody else can match, but especially that resus/trauma bay! Doesn’t shy away from the scary, gets stuck in. You know they don’t need security there to restrain the agitated when she’s on shift- all you need is Karlach and some ket.

Next I think Gale has the same aura as a senior ICM registrar (intensive care medicine resident). Probably dual training in renal or respiratory, likely has a PhD on the side. He has intensity when it matters but is an utter nerd. Likely the type who doesn’t like odd numbers on the vent settings. Precise, a little OCD, but fucking magical.

Wyll has to be a medical registrar (internal medicine senior resident). Probs in something acute like acute medicine or resp/gastro. Able to deal with vast quantities of shit and still put on a smile, graceful, caring, and properly holistic in the way he views patients. Quietly competent as the hells. Sacrifices himself for the good of the hospital.

Shadowheart is a tricky one. It would be too obvious to lean into the goth girl vibes and say pathology or whatever but actually I don’t think that fits. I think Shadowheart is an anaesthetist (anaesthesiologist to u Americans). Very very competent and always there exactly when you need her to save everyone else’s asses, but keen to retire to theatres after the fun is over and just crack on with a case by herself. Able to gossip like a pro. Likes taking the lead with her own problem solving. Would be catty as hell about her list overrunning or the surgeons doing something silly. probably overly reliant on caffeine.

Astarion. Cardiothoracics. Probably specifically cardiac surgery. No mortal human can stand for 12 hrs and perform like that. Also the most (justifiably) egotistical surgeons around. Would be bitching about his colleagues across the drapes with Shadowheart. Has had 200yrs to practice his techniques so the ego is probably really well placed. Those rogue hands were meant for complex cardiac surgery but that hair was made for the drama of it too. Easy access to blood products. Would do 30% NHS lists and 70% private practice to fund his lifestyle. Best dressed in the hospital.

Lae’zel is that really strange surgical registrar (general surgical senior resident) that you’re never quite sure if she’s joking or not when she makes threats toward you. Obviously very competent. Makes other surgeons cry but particularly the men. Has > 300 publications in major medical journals. Probably pioneered a revolutionary new technique that she came up with one rainy Saturday. Can get an appendix out in 5 mins max.

There is only one woman for trauma and orthopaedics and that is of course Minthara. A woman who dominates what is well known to be the most male dominated field in medicine. Lowest complication rate in the country. Every single one of her male juniors is terrified of her and for good reason. Will operate on things other surgeons would be too scared to touch. Complex poly-trauma patient with ‘unsurvivable’ injuries? Watch them walk out of hospital 3 months later.

Honourable mentions:

Durge- you know what, it’s so tempting to put Durge as a surgeon or even a pathologist (people who do autopsies), but that’s just too obvious. I think the murdering would be kept on the side. One thing Durge would love though is blood and carnage, maybe even a little high octane drama. For that reason- obstetrics. A little poetry to a killer bringing new life into the world too.

Jaheira - that incredible Professor who only works part time clinically now but when she does everyone is reminded of how brilliant she is. Gives me the energy of a ‘seen it all’ medical consultant (internal medicine attending).

Minsc- he should be ortho. Everyone thinks it- he has big Ortho lad energy. But he’s not. Minsc is a paediatrician!!!! It shocks everyone when they first meet him, this massive guy with a hamster on his shoulder. The kids love Boo. He’d be obsessed with Prof Jaheira too.

Halsin- can see him as a psychiatry professor actually. Probs does dabble in a little of the cooler types of therapies on the side (and tries them for himself) eg LSD for PTSD. Mixes medicine with non medical therapies. Very soothing to listen to.

Withers- palliative care consultant that should have retired millennia ago.

Volo- ophthalmology. 👁️

—

[shivayagojo]

CHINA GP, overrated?

masterlist

PORSCHE'S DEBUT had gone stunningly: a double points finish and a win in Australia. They were proud and comfortable to be leading the constructor's championship coming out of Australia. Better, they were beating Audi by miles. Their beef with the German manufacturer was still soft-launching. Neither side were willing to full out reveal their hatred for the other brand - after all, they were both owned by the same group - but something in Stuggart was telling them the time was approaching.

youtube.com

MONACO IS OVERRATED?? | FLORETTEL EPISODE ONE

Admin: Today, we're playing a game of This or That. I'm going to tell you two options and you're going to pick one side or the other. Ready?

RACE TRACKS or STREET CIRCUITS

Ava: Race tracks. Not a competition.

Seb: Street circuits are fun, but I'll have to go with race tracks.

MONACO or BRAZIL

Seb: Oh.. {intense nerdy Vettel thinking kicks in}. They're both iconic tracks. I'll go with Monaco. It's a tough race and a real testament to your skill.

Ava: ... I'm already going to get a lot of hate for this. I don't like Monaco all that well.

Seb: What?

Ava: Saturdays are amazing, but Sunday is a snooze-fest. Maybe you're different cause you raced in a different era, but no. You can't overtake anyone. It's so boring.

Seb: Still, it's that bad?

Ava: Compared to Sao Paolo, yes.

CHICANE or HAIR PIN

Seb: Chicane

Ava: Definitely Chicane. You can't go wrong with it. So many different overtakes can happen... or crashes if you're Max and Lewis.

Seb: Actually, I thought during Australia, when I was behind them, they were going to take each other out and I can pass on by.

Ava: Brocedes 2.0.

f1

Gabriel Bortoleto has suffered a wrist injury during Free Practice 3 on Sunday. He is ruled out for the Chinese Grand Prix. Felipe Drugovich is set to be his replacement.

see comments below

audif1team: Wishing Bortoleto a speedy recovery. We've got a surprise for you all... 😉

> porschefanatic: Surprise? More like desperation. Heard you're struggling to keep up with development

aston_fan: Wait, isn't he Aston's reserve? What's going on?

> f1insider: Looks like he's leaving AM for a race seat. Big move!

> nando33: Lmao Stroll ain't leaving that soon as long Big Papa is around 🤣

drugovich_br: So proud to see Felipe getting his chance! 🇧🇷 From reserve to race seat, dreams do come true!

am_updates: Wishing Felipe all the best! You'll always be part of the Aston Martin family 💚

> drugovich_fan1: Class act from AM. But why let him go if he's so valuable?

f1

It's Sprint Qualifying time in China. McLaren and Lando have set the pace during practice, and Audi has shocked with a surprising performance. Can Porsche defend their monumental debut?

see comments below

gp2engine: Lando's on fire this season! 🔥 McLaren's back where they belong!

bea: Audi coming in hot! 👀 Didn't see that coming!

> lululemoncalled: Well Porsche cooked them last race so they gotta respond somehow

landonorris_stan: My boy's got this in the bag 🏆 #LN4

> mad_max: All for him to lose Pole by turn 1 🤣

> pawastri: The pole position curse is still going in strong in 2025

f1_memer: Plot twist: Kimi comes out of retirement and takes pole 😂

> nostalgicf1: Don't give me hope 😭

> raikkonen7: "Bwoah, I was having a shit"

teamlh44: Lewis P1, calling it now 🐐

> max33fan: Keep dreaming

totoismyfather: Anyone else think sprint races are overrated?

> boomer: Totally agree. Bring back the old format!

CHINESE GRAND PRIX: The anticipation builds as Formula 1 returns to Shanghai for the second round. Porsche had nothing but a stellar debut in F1. Now, everyone knows they're no longer the dark horse. They're the team to beat. And Audi would love nothing more than to best their German brethren. The team brought an excellent pace into Free Practice and after a terrible performance in Australia, they need jump into the points fast. 

          SQ1 kicked off with a flurry of activity as drivers rushed to set competitive times. Lando Norris immediately stamped his authority on the session, clocking a blistering 1:33.756. The surprise of the session came from the Audi garage, with Nico Hulkenberg and Felipe Drugovich (replacing the injured Borteleto) showing impressive pace, finishing P6 and P8 respectively.

         MEANWHILE, trouble brewed in the Porsche camp. Sebastian Vettel struggled with balance issues, barely scraping through in P15. His teammate Ava Florence fared no better, complaining of understeer in the tight corners.

AVA The car's a handful in these slow sections.

HENRY Copy that, Ava. We're losing too much time in sector two We'll look at adjustments for SQ2.

          SQ2 saw Lando Norris continue his dominance, lowering the benchmark to 1:33.403. The Audis shocked the paddock by maintaining their top-10 positions, with Hulkenberg even briefly holding P2 before being pushed down to P4. Drama unfolded as the checkered flag fell. Sebastian Vettel managed to sneak into SQ3 by the skin of his teeth, claiming P10 by just 0.021 seconds. Unfortunately for Ava Florence...

"We ride on board with last Grand Prix's winner, Ava Florence. Her first sector was not good... and her second sector will be even worse. Martin is what is happening?"

"Here is she comes hard on the brakes again from about 180mph to third gear, for a tight left-hande. Crofty, her car has been struggling in the slow corners. And so perhaps Porsche has found their first problem in F1. We saw how blazing fast she was in Australi's fast corners. Here, not so much."

"Indeed, Martin, and she approaches the biggest braking zone of the track, Turn 14. Spins the car around and fast through 15. She picked up some speed on the straights, but is it enough, slight brake into the final corner and.... NO! SHE DOES NOT! GREEN SECTOR, BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE IT SQ3!"

HENRY Unfortunately, Ava, that is P11.

AVA F***! Sorry about that. This was a sh** session. Let's do better in the race.

          SQ3 provided a thrilling climax to the qualifying session. Lando Norris completed his hat-trick of fastest times, securing sprint pole with a stunning 1:33.479. The real story, however, was Audi's remarkable performance. Nico Hulkenberg and Felipe Drugovich locked out the second row, qualifying P2 and P3 respectively, sending shockwaves through the paddock.

f1

A Brit. A German. And a Brazilian. What could go wrong? The grid is all ready and lined up for the Sprint Race.

see comments below

racingtheory: Hulkenberg finally gets his moment! Sprint Race front row 🚀

> shoey: Let that Hulkenberg podium come. I don't care if it's a Sprint Race.

> german_speed: About time Nico showed what he can do!

drugovich_fan: Brazilian magic strikes again! 🇧🇷✨

> mclaren_insider: Felipe to replace Bortoleto?

> lelelemans: Hell no. Bortoleto is very good. Doesn't make sense to replace right away.

chaostheory_f1: Three completely different career paths converging in one sprint race. Netflix, you can't write this stuff! 🍿

2025 China Sprint Race Starting Grid

Lando Norris

Nico Hulkenberg

Felipe Drugovich

Max Verstappen

Charles Leclerc

Lewis Hamilton

Liam Lawson

George Russell

Oscar Piastri

Sebastian Vettel

Ava Florence

Andrea Kimi Antonelli

Fernando Alonso

Carlos Sainz

Alexander Albon

Esteban Ocon

Yuki Tsunoda

Ollie Bearman

Pierre Gasly

Lance Stroll

Isack Hadjar

Jack Doohan

AVA SLID ON HER HELMET, and got seated in her striped Porsche. She was staring down her Porsche teammate and the McLaren papaya of Oscar Piastri once again. Except this time, it wasn't for the race win. She was in P11, and with only 8 positions get points, she had to make each of the 19 laps count. Lando was on pole, Audi had a 2-3. Everything seemed against the Porsche. It was getting to the point that people began to wonder.... was Porsche's first a fluke? No, Ava did not think so. She won that race. She knew she had the skills to win that race. She did not win it on luck.

"Welcome to the first sprint race of the 2025 Formula 1 season at the Shanghai International Circuit. After an exciting qualifying session yesterday, we're set for a thrilling 100km dash. Let's take a look at our grid for today's sprint. We've got 16 corners to navigate for 19 laps. Your man on pole position, Lando Norris, for the second time in a row. Followed by the Audi pair of Nico Hulkenberg and Felipe Drugovich, who's filling in for his Brazilian counterpart Gabriel Bortoleto today."

"The Ferraris of Leclerc and Hamilton occupy row three, and I have to say, this is not the greatest start to their season. They were expecting big results this year, and they certainly did get that podium in Australia, but how many times can they rely on their drivers to cover up many places." 

"We will have to see, Martin. And now, it's five lights here at Shanghai International Circuit. IT'S LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO... Norris gets a decent start. Hulkenberg gets a better one. Hulkenberg is right there with him. They're side by side into Turn 1, and it's the Audi that gets the better exit as Norris goes wide! Hulkenberg leads into Turn 2 and once again, Lando Norris will fail to capitalize on pole position."

"Certainly, I'm sure he would've improved it from last season. And behind Drugovich, Verstappen and Leclerc are immediately at each other's throats. The Red Bull dives to the inside at Turn 6, but Leclerc holds his line. Verstappen is holding up Hamilton, but he's seemingly falling. And Lawson is going to get a good chance to try and overtake him... Oh, a little too ambitious. Hamilton keeps position."

"Hamilton's driving a lot more defensively this season, not the kind the driving we usually see him do. Behind, Ava Florence lost a position to Antonelli. So, yes, that Porsche is indeed struggling on the first sector."

LAP 3:

TURN 13 - RUS passes LAW on the inside, taking P7

LAP 7:

TURN 11: HAD divebombs STR, taking P20

LANDO NORRIS SETS FASTEST LAP : GAP TO P1 + 1.240

LAP 10:

"Verstappen makes another attempt on Leclerc. He gets a great exit from Turn 13, uses DRS down the long back straight. Leclerc defends the inside, BUT VERSTAPPEN GOES AROUND THE OUTSIDE. Incredible racing from both drivers, but Verstappen sees it through. Meanwhile, Oscar Piastri is all over the back of Sebastian Vettel's Porsche. Seb had a great start, but that McLaren is showing great pace for today."

"That's the difference that experience makes. Piastri is sure is fast, but Seb is holding him down beautifully. Oh, but he's right there. They're inches apart coming into Turn 6."

VETTEL Something doesn't feel right with the engine. I'm losing power on the straights.

RUDI Understood, Seb. We're looking into it. Just keep Piastri at bay.

"Looks like Vettel is having some engine problems. That's exactly what McLaren loves to hear. Oscar Piastri is gonna make his lunge soon... He's so close. He's just waiting, biding his time until Seb's engine gives up."

"I don't think he knows Seb is having engine problems yet. He's still racing him hard on these corners..."

"As Sebastian Vettel begins to slow down, Oscar Piastri gets through easily. Vettel losing speed. Antonelli moves forward, Florence moves forward. It's all going wrong for Vettel here in China."

RUDI Seb, we need to retire the car. Box this lap, please. Box this lap.

"And that is Sebastian Vettel's race over. He was dragging that Porsche through, but unfortunately, he's not going to score anything today. I wonder, Martin, if Porsche will be able to fix Vettel's car in time for qualifying today or will Vettel have to settle for last on the grid."

"Well, Crofty, the good news for Vettel and Porsche is that they'll have some time to work on the car. Remember, this is a sprint weekend, so we've already had our sprint qualifying on Friday. The main qualifying session for tomorrow's Grand Prix isn't until later this afternoon. That gives the Porsche team a few hours to diagnose and hopefully fix whatever engine issue Seb was experiencing."

LAP 13:

TURN 13 - OCO and ALB exchange corners, ALB remains P15

HUL SETS FASTEST LAP : GAP 1.869

LAP 17:

"Hulkenberg is driving the race of his life. Norris is pushing hard, but can't find a way to catch up with that Audi. Hulkenberg, after so many years, has a chance to get a podium on this sprint race. Audi is looking to make some noise today."

"We're looking at the Championship leader here. Ava Florence is having a torrid time. She can't get past Antonelli in anyway. The Mercedes rookie is holding his own, albeit for a non-point position, but this is stuff the team likes to see. Florence is not happy with this."

FLORENCE I have no pace on the corners! This is a joke!

HENRY We understand, Ava. Just keep pushing.

LAP 19:

"And after so long, Nico Hulkenberg is going to take a sprint race win. He had a great start, great pace, and now he will see the fruits of his results. He takes P1! Behind him, Norris, 2.8 seconds behind. And the surprise of today, Felipe Drugovich, his F1 debut, goes stunningly. He takes P3!"

HENRY Okay, Ava. That's unfortunately P11. But we've still got the Grand Prix

FLORENCE Yeah... Let's do better in the race.

CHINA SPRINT RACE RESULTS

1. NICO HULKENBERG (+8)

2. LANDO NORRIS (+7)

3. FELIPE DRUGOVICH (+6)

4. MAX VERSTAPPEN (+5)

5. CHARLES LECLERC (+4)

6. LEWIS HAMILTON (+3)

7. GEORGE RUSSELL (+2)

8. LIAM LAWSON (+1)

9. OSCAR PIASTRI

10. ANDREA KIMI ANTONELLI

11. AVA FLORENCE

12. FERNANDO ALONSO

13. CARLOS SAINZ

14. LANCE STROLL

15. ALEXANDER ALBON

16. ESTEBAN OCON

17. YUKI TSUNODA

18. ISACK HADJAR

19. OLLIE BEARMAN

20. JACK DOOHAN

21. PIERRE GASLY

22. SEBASTIAN VETTEL [DNF]

audif1

THE MAN HAS DONE IT!! NICO HULKENBERG WINS THE SPRINT RACE!!

see comments below

nico: Hulkenberg finally breaks his podium curse! From zero podiums to sprint race winner 🏆

> kachow: I mean, it's a Sprint win. Doesn't get added to his stats.

mclaren_nation: Lando P2, not bad at all! 💪

> norris_fan: Our boy still on the podium! 🇬🇧

> delulu: biggest cope i've ever seen

brazilian_racing: Drugovich P3! Reserve driver making his mark! 🇧🇷✨

> f1_potential: What a debut sprint race!

motorsport

Verstappen gets "no satisfaction" from F1 sprint wins.

"There's no satisfaction to win a sprint for me," Verstappen said when asked by Motorsport.com if sprint format changes would sway his opinion. "You cross the line and say: 'All right, well, tomorrow is the race, the main one'. That's how it goes."

see comments below

blanchimont: One of us, one of us!

> chuckleclerc: When he revenge punted that other guy in iRacing, we all knew he was truly one of us. 

porschef1: Couldn't have said it better Max 👊

> lululemoncalled: OH NELL NAH!

> undercooked_sushi: Audi is playing chess, Porsche is playing 6D tetris.

> helicopter: Even when Audi wins, they lose - Porsche admin probably

QUALIFYING WAS HELL. Once again, the Porsche's struggled in qualifying. Lando continued to dominate the sessions, setting fastest time in both Q1 and Q2. Oscar had also found pace in his face, joining Lando as the second fastest in Q1 and the fourth fastest in Q2. But it was Audi who continued to shock faces. Hulkenberg and Drugovich were consistently top five in both sessions, Hulkenberg being a tenth behind Lando in Q2. No one understood, but the pendulum had swung to Audi's hands. And Porsche hated every second of it.

          SEBASTIAN VETTEL made into the third qualifying session. Changing his turbocharger had given him the slight boost over the other Porsche to make it into top ten. However, Ava's unfortunate fate continued once again.

AVA FLORENCE : P13

          ONCE AGAIN Ava was knocked out in Q2. She got out of her car. She wanted to scream and smash something. She knew she was rookie. Rookies were going to make mistakes, especially against the best competitions in the world. But she did not want to lose. Throughout her junior racing career, she rarely lost. F3 was a cakewalk. She was the champion before the fight even began. But not anymore. Ava was no longer the best anymore...

          BUT SHE REFUSED TO LET THAT BE TRUE.

f1

McLaren and Audi. What a surprise? 😱

see comments below

flashy_misery: Please don't bottle this one Mr. Norris 🙏🙏

> rigidinstructor: He's only done it once. I have a feeling he won't do it again.

DM_ME_YOUR_CONSPIRACIES: Incoming Hulkenberg win!

leFerrari: FORZA FERRARI!!

redundantnursery: Ava during qualifying: GP2 ENGINE!

> stroller: Or maybe she's just not that good. 🤷

> filthydepression: lmao ur pfp is Stroll. Why are you talking?

CHINA GRAND PRIX STARTING GRID

Lando Norris

Nico Hulkenberg

Oscar Piastri

Charles Leclerc

Lewis Hamilton

Max Verstappen

Felipe Drugovich

George Russell

Sebastian Vettel

Fernando Alonso

Carlos Sainz

Alexander Albon

Ava Florence

Andrea Kimi Antonelli

Lance Stroll

Yuki Tsunoda

Liam Lawson

Jack Doohan

Oliver Bearman

Esteban Ocon

Isack Hadjar

Pierre Gasly

SUNDAY came fast once again. Normally, Ava is never pressured coming into a race. Yet she couldn't help it. She made the mistake of hitting up social media before the race. And she saw all the comments. Ava wanted to prove them wrong. Badly. She never cared about other people's opinion. But today she did. She wanted to shut them up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the China Grand Prix here at the Shanghai International Circuit! We've got a stunning race lined up today, with rain on the horizon, potentially shaking things up around the second stint. Let's take a look at the track, shall we? We've got two DRS zones on this 5.45 kilometer track, 56 laps to go for a total of 305 kilometers. The track record here is set by Michael Schumacher at 1:32.238. Now, on to the grid! It's Lando Norris on pole position—his third pole in 2025 and his second here in China, clinched during yesterday's sprint race. But, Martin, we saw what happened in that sprint race..."

"We certainly did, Crofty. Lando might've taken pole, but he lost out to Nico Hülkenberg, who starts P2 today. That Audi is looking mighty quick here in Shanghai, and they're gunning for a historic victory—Nico's first-ever F1 win and his maiden podium."

"Behind him, it's Oscar Piastri in P3, showing the kind of pace McLaren has been craving this weekend. Then, we have the Ferrari duo—Charles Leclerc and Lewis Hamilton—lining up in P4 and P5. And in P6, it's Max Verstappen, the lone Red Bull in the top 10." "And what a performance from Felipe Drugovich! P7 after a stellar sprint race—can he repeat that magic here today? We have to see. But, Crofty, he's got some big names breathing down his neck: George Russell and Sebastian Vettel in P8 and P9."

"Indeed he does. Rounding out the top 10, it's the evergreen Fernando Alonso, but the big story today is Ava Florence. The Porsche rookie struggled in qualifying, didn't she, Martin?"

"She did. Starting down in P13, she admitted she's fighting the car here in China. But keep an eye on her; she's proven she can climb through the pack. We saw her thrilling wet-weather race in Monza in F3. So, with rain potentially falling, she might have some room here to climb some positions."

HENRY Keep calm here Ava. We're betting on the rain.

"Tire strategies are interesting too. Most of the top 10 are on softs, but Leclerc and Hamilton are on mediums, betting on the rain arriving a bit later. Let's see if that gamble pays off. All right—it's five lights here in China... And IT'S LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO! Lando Norris gets a blinding start, but look at Hülkenberg! He's right on Lando's gearbox. Is this a repeat of the sprint? Not this time! Lando shuts the door. Lando Norris remains in P1. Hülkenberg holds P2, with Piastri, Leclerc, and Hamilton filing in behind. But wait—look further back. Ava Florence is on a charge! She's already jumped Alexander Albon and Carlos Sainz in one corner!"

"Carlos seemed to struggle off the line, letting Albon close in, and Ava pounced on that opportunity—using Albon's slipstream to sweep past both drivers. She's up to P11!"

"Meanwhile, at the back, it's a scrap between Jack Doohan, Oliver Bearman, Esteban Ocon, and the rest of the midfield pack. Further up, Liam Lawson is locked in battle with Yuki Tsunoda—the former Racing Bull rivals going wheel-to-wheel! Liam dives in... Not enough. Tsunoda holds position into Turn 4, but that fight's far from over."

"Back at the front, Lando Norris maintains his lead through the first sector. Behind him, it's Hülkenberg, Piastri, Leclerc, and Hamilton—all keeping it clean for now."

"And the battle for P8 is heating up—Russell and Vettel going at it hammer and tongs! Can one of them snatch the position before the lap ends? And Fernando Alonso in P10—he's got Eva Florence bearing down on him. She's already gained two positions. Can she make it three before the end of the lap?"

LAP 3:

Turn 14 - LAW passes TSU, moves up to P16

LANDO NORRIS FASTEST LAP : GAP +.475

LAP 5:

Turn 13 - BEA overtakes DOO, taking P18

LAP 9:

"It's Ava Florence right on the gearbox of Fernando Alonso! She needs this position—and fast—if she has any hope of climbing through the field before the rain arrives. Here comes Fernando Alonzo trying to hold off the Porsche. But Ava's got DRS now! She's closing in fast, following Alonso down the straight—hitting 210 miles per hour as they plunge downhill."

"A quick burst of throttle into the kink at Turn 4... she's sticking right with him. Look at her pace, Crofty! Two laps in, and it seems like Ava's found something overnight in that Porsche. She's already a tenth quicker than Fernando through Sector 1, closing in as they approach Turn 6—a short straight, but plenty of room to make a move if you're brave enough."

"Ava dives down the inside into Turn 6. Oh my goodness! What a bold move! Florence just dive bombs into Turn 6, squeezing in that tiny gap. Fernando must've thought he'd covered her off, but Ava committed—absolutely fearless. She saw the tiny gap Alonso left and thought, 'That's enough for me!' Brilliant move."

"Absolutely. She took the risk and it's paid off! Ava Florence up to P10 with a stunning overtake on Fernando Alonso. That was precision racing at its finest."

LAP 19:

NICO HULKENBERG SETS FASTEST LAP : GAP TO P1 +2.345

HENRY Okay, Ava. We're going to take a risk and put slicks on now.

AVA Are you sure? Cause I think Fernando is behind.

HENRY Fernando is 3.6 seconds behind. We're comfortable trying this

AVA I'm coming in.

"And there's Ava Florence being called into the pits. She's going to be the first driver to pit and she's heading out slicks. So, Porsche thinks they can get a jump on these other drivers by pitting first before the rain."

AVA FLORENCE PITS : 3.0 SECONDS | P12

TOM Oscar, we think rain should come in 2-5 laps for now.

PIASTRI Are any drivers coming in?

TOM Ava is the only driver on slicks

PIASTRI I think we should pit.

TOM Your call.

OSCAR PIASTRI PITS  : 2.8 SECONDS | P7

LAP 21 - 35:

RAIN DETECTED - DRIVERS COME INTO PITS

HENRY Ava, you're P6. Be careful of Leclerc coming out of the pits.

"And that's Ava Florence, who's gamble for the early pitstop paid off. Finds herself in P6 as the rest of the field comes in for wet tires. But here comes Charles Leclerc, fresh out of the pits. How will this go?"

"This will be her first fight against the Monegasque. Ferrari vs Porsche. I've got high expectations on this one."

"And I'm everyone else too. Ava is staring down the rear end of that Ferrari. She's alongside into Turn 14! Leclerc has the inside line, forcing Florence wide. Brilliant defensive driving! But Florence is going to have none of that. She's been forced wide one too many in Formula 1, the earlier being by Russell in Australia. She tries again into Turn 6, but Leclerc isn't going to let if fly."

"She's getting better traction out of the corner though. They're side-by-side through Turn 7! But Ava has to back off."

...

"Florence has been patient for a while. Will she make the move? Yes she will. Florence dives down the inside at Turn 1, is ahead at the apex, but Leclerc cuts back. He's got the position again through Turn 2."

...

"Patience must be running thin for the Belgian. She's got DRS. Leclerc under pressure. Florence has the speed, she has the line... She dives in Turn 6 and once again it sticks. Florence up to P5. Leclerc has to back off."

"It's that move again. She's did on Alonso, and it's working for her, just squeezing through an impossibly small gap."

LAP 40 - 50:

LANDO NORRIS SETS FASTEST LAP : GAP +4.560

"Now it's Verstappen in Florence's sights. He's not going to make it easy though. The defending champion. Look at that! He's forcing her wide at Turn 13. Florence has to take to the runoff!"

"Verstappen's defense is brutal. He's chopping across Florence's nose into Turn 1. He's making her go wide. Off the racing line. She has to back out of it in everyone. That's hard but fair racing from the world champion. We saw it last year. He can defend."

...

"Florence tries again into the hairpin, but Verstappen is wise to it. He positions his car perfectly, leaving no gap for Florence to exploit."

"This is a different challenge for Florence. Verstappen's aggressive style is a stark contrast to Leclerc's more precise approach. He races to the extreme limit. But is she going to try the same overtake she did on Leclerc?"

"We'll see, Martin, if it sticks on Verstappen."

...

"Oh my! Verstappen nearly pushed Florence into the wall on the exit of Turn 13. The Porsche driver had to take evasive action there."

FLORENCE What the f*** is he doing?

HENRY Keep your head down. We're faster. Keep racing.

FLORENCE F****** stupid. He almost crashed me!

...

"Florence is not giving up! She's got a great run out of Turn 13 once again, pulls alongside Verstappen, and... she's done it! Florence sweeps around the outside of Turn 14 to take P4! What a move!"

"Incredible, Crofty! Florence has managed to outfox Verstappen. That move took nerves of steel!"

LAP 51-55

"With just 6 laps to go, Florence is hunting down Hamilton. The gap is coming down rapidly."

...

"Florence is all over the back of Hamilton. She tries the inside at Turn 6, but Hamilton closes the door. Not this time!"

...

"This is it! Florence gets a great exit out of Turn 6, pulls alongside Hamilton into Turn 7, and... she's through! Ava Florence up to P3 with just over a lap to go!"

...

"But she's not done yet, Crofty! Look at this, she's setting purple sectors. Florence is pushing for the fastest lap of the race!"

LAP 56

"From start to finish, Lando does the job. He holds pole position, he keeps that car in front. LANDO NORRIS WINS THE CHINA GRAND PRIX! Nico Hulkenberg secures his first podium in second! Behind, Ava Florence coming into view. She was going for the fastest lap. Will she do it?"

"Florence crosses the line and... yes! She's done it! Fastest lap of the race on the final lap!"

"Well, she certainly stole the show today. From struggling in qualifying to a podium finish, it's a remarkable turnaround for the Porsche driver. This young driver has shown incredible race craft and determination today. Ava Florence. That's the name to remember."

HENRY Phenomenal job, Ava! That's P3!

FLORENCE YES! OH THANK YOU SO MUCH!! And a tribute to Bottas... To whom it may concern, F*** you!

CHINA GRAND PRIX RESULTS

1. Lando Norris (+25)

2. Nico Hulkenberg (+18)

3. Ava Florence (+15)

4. Lewis Hamilton (+12)

5. Max Verstappen (+10)

6. Charles Leclerc (+8)

7. Sebastian Vettel (+6)

8. Oscar Piastri (+4)

9. George Russell (+2)

10. Liam Lawson (+1)

11. Felipe Drugovich

12. Fernando Alonso

13. Carlos Sainz

14. Andrea Kimi Antonelli

15. Alexander Albon

16. Lance Stroll

17. Pierre Gasly

18. Oliver Bearman

19. Yuki Tsunoda

20. Jack Doohan

21. Esteban Ocon

22. Isack Hadjar

porschef1

Sprint races are overrated anyway.

tagged: avaflorence

see comments below

illegal_definition: Summoned all of Senna's energy for this drive.

lululemoncalled: THATS MY GIRL!! PORSCHE IS THE ONLY GERMAN WORTH WINNING!! 👑

heturnedintome: First George, now Max. Everyone is trynna kill Ava.

> delulu: But she cooked regardless 🔥🔥

audif1: 🙄

> florence4ever: Stay jealous

> les_blanc: Why would they be? Nico finished higher.

> florence4ever: Check the standings.

convictedcassette: Please give her a functioning car next time so she doesn't have to struggle as much. 🙏🙏

CHINA POST-RACE INTERVIEW

Interview: So, Lando. Great race. Congrats on the win. You had a bit of a lackluster sprint race, but you managed to pull it off today. How was it?

Lando: It was great. I got the start just right and we were quite ahead of the pack when the rain started coming in. So, I held onto that lead.  Maybe it was a bit slow on the first stint, didn't get the happen wanted. But it worked out.

Interview: Nico, this is your maiden podium in Formula 1. How does it feel to achieve this after so long?

Nico: This feels amazing. Like you said, for so long I've been chasing a podium. The sprint win the other day gave me a vote of confidence. And I'm super grateful to the team, to Audi for building a competitive car. And I'm going to enjoy this podium.

Interviewer: Ava, you are the talk of the race. From P13 to podium, incredible strategy, incredible overtakes. How did you do it?

Ava: Firstly, they just give you the most beautiful dresses in the world. It's unfair. I know I'm not supposed to flirt with staff but Seb got away with it, so it's fine. Secondly, yeah, great call by the team to put early. We got a huge jump out of it. And then it was just a game of trying to get past the juggernauts. Leclerc was a good fight. Defenitley thought we had the pace to make it easy, but it wasn't. Max was also tough. I do think he tried to kill me at one point, but we got past anyway. Then it was just a clear track. I wasn't particularly set on passing Hamilton, but more so on closing the gap to see what could happen. And what happened was what you say... so super happy.

CHINA POST-RACE INTERVIEW

Interview: So, Lando. Great race. Congrats on the win. You had a bit of a lackluster sprint race, but you managed to pull it off today. How was it?

Lando: It was great. I got the start just right and we were quite ahead of the pack when the rain started coming in. So, I held onto that lead.  Maybe it was a bit slow on the first stint, didn't get the happen wanted. But it worked out.

Interview: Nico, this is your maiden podium in Formula 1. How does it feel to achieve this after so long?

Nico: This feels amazing. Like you said, for so long I've been chasing a podium. The sprint win the other day gave me a vote of confidence. And I'm super grateful to the team, to Audi for building a competitive car. And I'm going to enjoy this podium.

Interviewer: Ava, you are the talk of the race. From P13 to podium, incredible strategy, incredible overtakes. How did you do it?

Ava: Firstly, they just give you the most beautiful dresses in the world. It's unfair. I know I'm not supposed to flirt with staff but Seb got away with it, so it's fine. Secondly, yeah, great call by the team to put early. We got a huge jump out of it. And then it was just a game of trying to get past the juggernauts. Leclerc was a good fight. Defenitley thought we had the pace to make it easy, but it wasn't. Max was also tough. I do think he tried to kill me at one point, but we got past anyway. Then it was just a clear track. I wasn't particularly set on passing Hamilton, but more so on closing the gap to see what could happen. And what happened was what you say... so super happy. avaflorence

Race tracks are better when they're wet. Thank you China for blessing me today. Onwards to Bahrain.

see comments below

florence4ever: MAMA cooked these bums!

elpadre: Ava, describe your Grand Prix in one sentence

> avaflorence: GP2 ENGINE... GP2 ENGINE!!

> toastedsalmon: 😭😭

lululemoncalled: I love she does not care at all about the swearing rule.

> delulu: They haven't done anything yet. She's that girl.

WORLD DRIVERS CHAMPIONSHIP

WORLD CONSTRUCTORS CHAMPIONSHIP

taglist: @freyathehuntress

[ladysomething]

🌈 the 🌈 girl 🌈 dad🌈max🌈fic🌈

🌈 Share something soft/fluffy from your WIP.

girl dad max fic and fluffy .... say no more.

Nervous, Charles knocks on the door, fiddling with the hem of his white shirt. 

He waits almost a minute, the lock on the door turning several times in the wrong direction, before it finally goes the right way. It swings open, revealing Céline in pale blue pyjamas, Barbie printed across the front of the shirt in bold pink writing, and a tiara atop her blonde curls. 

“Bonsoir,” she says with a wide smile, and then continues in French, “Daddy says you can come in.” 

“Merci, Céline,” he says softly. 

He’s not entirely sure what to say to her, really. He’s got friends with kids, and now has a niece and two nephews, but he’d known all of them since they were born. It’s different, being introduced a kid later. 

Still, he tries, crouching down and opening up the satchel he’d brought with him. Carefully, he pulls out the little snow globe he found in town, a little forest with a cottage inside. He’d found a jeweller and paid an obscene amount of money for them to put a plate engraved with her name on the front; far more money than he’d paid for the little globe in the first place. 

“For me?” she asks, with wide, curious eyes. 

Céline reaches out for it carefully, little fingers cautious as she wraps them around the glass, leaving smudged fingerprints all over it. 

“For you,” Charles says softly. 

Her little finger swipes over the name plate, tracing her name, and she beams up at him. 

“Merci, Monsieur Leclerc.” 

“You can call me Charles.” He says it the French way, the traditional way, voice soft and curling over the syllable. 

Céline repeats it perfectly, the way her father never did. 

“Can I show you my room?” She asks hopefully. “Daddy made me clean it for you.” 

Charles smiles at the way she says it, matter-of-factly, and nods. “I would love to see your room.” 

She slips her tiny hand into his easily, fingers playing with his nails as she leads him left down the hall, socked feet padding against the wood floor. 

The hall opens up into a large living area, lounge, TV, and dining table to one side, and a farm-style kitchen on the other. Max is behind the counter, donned in a blue apron with a GT3 car printed over the chest, carefully slicing cherry tomatoes. 

Charles’ chest goes tight at the sight of him. He’d kind of thought that Max wouldn’t be here; that this was all just some elaborate hoax designed to mess with Charles’ heart. 

Max smiles widely when he see’s him, lines creasing around his eyes. They’re deeper than the last time Charles saw him; like all he’s been doing since he retired is laughing and smiling. Charles likes that thought—he hopes Max has been happy. 

“I was beginning to worry Céline left you outside,” Max says, putting his knife down and lifting his apron from over his head. Charles is ridiculously endeared by the white shirt and skinny jeans he’s wearing underneath. Some things never change at least. 

“She’s been the perfect hostess,” Charles tells him, while Céline swings their joined hands around between them. “She was just about to show me her room.” 

“We just painted it, didn’t we, baby girl?” 

“Daddy let me choose the colour,” Céline says excitedly. “And he let me paint some myself!” 

Charles raises his brows. That’s sweet, but—does that mean Max did the rest of it? He didn’t hire someone? He finds it hard to picture Max doing manual labour around their house, but he supposes he doesn’t actually know what Max does with his time otherwise. Does he have a job? Doing what? He’s not seen any news about Max in five years, and he knows he would have, if Max had so much as been pictured at the bakery downtown. He’s been looking.

“Why don’t I give Charles a tour, mijn lieverd? Then you can show him your room.” 

Céline sighs loudly, but lets go of Charles’ hand to run off up the the stairs, snow globe in hand. 

[charles-leclerc-official]

China 2024 Sprint Race Analysis

I wasn't planning on doing a sprint analysis. However this sprint actually gave us a lot to talk about, and also finally gave an idea of what racing on this track will look like.

I have pretty strong thoughts on what happened between Carlos and Charles, that is at the end if you are less interested in the op ed reporting element.

Table of Contents

Sprint Start Max and Lewis DRS train: Perez Ferrari: Charles and Carlos - Ferrari Data/footage Analysis Fernando retirement Charles vs Carlos opinion Concluding Thoughts

Sprint Start

The only thing I want to note at the sprint start was Lewis' amazing start to take the lead almost immediately from Lando. Lando then lost grip going into turn 1 which cost him 6 places while he recovered the car. I think the reason he lost grip had more to do with the lack of traction on that turn(we saw many others have issues here) and Lewis taking the better line got the section with the best grip. His inability to defend against Lewis in that first turn cost him the track line and thus the grip and resulted in that big drop in the order. We saw Lewis lose grip in the same turn later in the race so I really think the margin of accuracy for grip on that corner is narrow.

Without the lost of placement so early Lando might have seen a better result, but that loss of grip was very costly.

If anyone knows how to defend a front row start it's Lewis, Lewis' skill really shone into that first turn.

Max and Lewis

Lewis had the lead of the sprint after overtaking Lando until the final corner of lap 9 when Max overtook him.

Max was lagging in the pack at the start of his race, part of the issue was with his battery power setting. Once he fixed that he was moving up the pack very quickly, it was only a matter of time before he was out front.

Max won the sprint with Lewis finishing P2.

Lewis' drive overall was the most impressive this sprint. The WB15 has had a lot of problems and he's been having issues finding the right balance in the car. It's the best result we've seen from this car all season and that is simply due to Lewis' skill on track. Great to see him near the top again. Hopefully this result will have informed a positive direction for Lewis and Merc as far as his car setup goes.

DRS train

The most interesting part of this sprint was the DRS train that went on for essentially 16 laps between Fernando, Carlos, Checo, and Charles.

I have my thoughts on Ferrari's part in this situation below, for now I want to point out that Checo had some really impressive driving here.

While Carlos and Fernando were battling, Checo slid past both of them on the inside of turn 9 on lap 16. This was probably the most impressive move the entire race, just a clean double pass on his part. Checo has been performing great in the RB20 but that was probably the best bit of driving we've seen from him so far this year. That was simply put some solid racing on his part.

Fernando also was not going to be able to battle two Ferraris and a Red Bull. All are faster cars than his own, but he did not give that position up easy to Carlos. He did concede to Checo though, which fair enough, I don't think that Aston could fight the RB20 as it stands.

Fernando unfortunately had to retire his car after a tyre puncture on lap 16.

Ferrari

Charles started P7 and finished P4, while Carlos started P4 and finished P5.

This is the first time this season we've seen what it will look like when Charles and Carlos race wheel to wheel, and it's not looking good(on Carlos' side)

I have more thoughts in the opinion section but having a teammate defend so aggressively against another teammate to the point of causing contact between the cars is unacceptable. Risking damaging both cars is not what any team wants or needs. And the footage makes it abundantly clear that Carlos was the one in the wrong and the cause of the contact.

Carlos had the center line going into 9 on lap 16. Fernando was on the inside but clearly behind. Charles took the outside for the overtake. Carlos then swerved more to the outside crowding Charles off the track. I want to be clear that Carlos had already given Fernando room, and then he moved to push Charles off. This contradicts his statement to the press that they were all fighting and it wasn't his intent. The driving tells a different story.

Charles overtook Carlos on lap 17 going into turn 1. Once he was clear of Carlos his faster pace became clear as he created an immediate gap that Carlos was not going to be able to close.

One thing we saw is that Charles' tyre management gives him the pace advantage over Carlos. If he is within range to overtake that is going to likely come up again in future races. Carlos was not even close at the end there. This overtake did give us a glimpse at what the real difference in pace between them means for the rest of the season.

After a few back and forth's between them Carlos should have conceded. It was clear Charles had the pace and it was just a matter of time before he'd overtake.

I want to point out that Carlos fighting Charles so much might have cost Ferrari a real chance to battle Checo. If he had let Charles pass Charles might have been able to stay within range of Checo and be within DRS. Because Carlos fought Checo was able to create a wide gap so by the time Charles did pass there wasn't a real chance to catch him. So this was not strategically optimal and it can be pinned 100% on Carlos' choices in that turn.

In fact you can see that Charles actually did have the pace necessary to stay closer to Checo. If he would have been able to pass is up in the air, but Carlos did cost Ferrari the chance to at least try to battle Checo for P3. If Charles had been able to get ahead of Checo he had the pace to keep him behind, or at least have a chance at doing so.

Also this serves to highlight that Charles' tyre management is on par with the RB20 or at least not far off, Carlos' tyre management is much further off the pace.

Charles finished P4 in the sprint with Carlos finishing P5.

Data and Footage Analysis

So the data is pretty clear on this. I wanted to show because it supports my argument later and it also demonstrates the difference in tyre management between the two drivers.

Charles' pace was better even in lap 16 when he was stuck behind Carlos. Once he is clear of Carlos after his pass on the first turn of lap 17 the real difference in pace between them becomes clear. Charles had more than a second on Carlos in all remaining laps. This is very likely due to his tyre management. The large difference here also highlights why Carlos should have let Charles pass because this pace difference is not something to fight over. Strategically Carlos should have let Charles pass smoothly, but Charles overtook anyway because his pace was not something Carlos could fight for long.

Note: DRS Charles got from Carlos at the beginning of lap 17 accounted for about 1 - 2 tenths of pace, the rest was all Charles increasing that gap himself.

Now I want to just look at the move from Sainz going into turn 9 on lap 16. He claimed he needed to give Fernando space. Charles said he was being too aggressive and forced him wide. Let's see who's version of events the actual footage supports.

Leading into the turn we can clearly see that Fernando is behind. Carlos has the inside line, Charles has the outside.

Here they are entering turn 9. There is clearly enough space on Carlos' inside for Fernando already. Charles clearly has the outside line.

Here you can see that Carlos has moved further outside. Now since he'd already given room to Fernando the only reason for this would be to fight Charles. And once again Fernando clearly behind. And I will say that some battling between teammates is acceptable. But what happened next did not fall into that category of acceptability.

Here is where Carlos continued to force Charles wide. Also where they got way too close and made some contact.

And here is the final result going into that turn. Carlos has forced Charles completely off the track, and he even has two wheels off the track. This was not about leaving space for Fernando. Does Fernando need the entire track? No. This was Carlos forcing a teammate who had better pace off the track because he could not actually fight his pace.

Either Carlos did this on purpose, which is unacceptable. Or he is telling the truth and didn't realize what he was doing, in which case he is admitting to extremely poor driving on his part.

Either version of events is not a good look for Carlos.

He was overtaken by Charles easily in the next lap. He just did not have the pace and should not have defended this aggressively against his own teammate.

Next I will be sharing my more opinionated thoughts on things relating to Ferrari.

Charles VS Carlos

I want to get into some of my thoughts on this whole battle we saw between Carlos and Charles because I think it was emblematic of the way thing shave been going at Ferrari and with their teammate dynamic on track.

This was unacceptable on Carlos' part. It's that simple.

I have listened to what both drivers have said about the overtake, and the battle we saw between them. I have looked at the footage from many different angles. And Carlos is in the wrong here. Not only that but I do not see how this kind of "racing" from him is going to be good for his career considering he still does not have a seat lined up for 2025.

The fact is Charles was faster. And that wasn't something Carlos was willing to accept.

And this level of battling a teammate, especially to the extent you cause contact and force that teammate off the track(to the extent that lap time had to be deleted) is not acceptable.

I will say that a little back and forth between teammates on track is fine. That wasn't what we saw. This was not only too much fighting of a teammate it was also poor sportsmanship(touching, and pushing off track)

Charles let Carlos pass because he was faster in Japan. Carlos does not do the same. It is this kind of thing coming from Carlos that is a prime example of why Ferrari did not re-new his contract.

Fighting to the point of causing contact between teammates is too far, you can see him move further to the outside even when it's clear he's given Alonso enough space. He was fighting Charles and caused contact. A driver who does not have the pace should not be fighting their teammate so extensively that they cause contact. They are on the same team, risking damage to both cars is again, unacceptable.

As seen above in the data Charles' pace at this point was significantly better than Carlos, he was really showing the difference between them in tyre management. If Carlos had the pace given he was in front after Perez passed then he would have had a larger gap to Charles and Charles would not have been able to catch him. Even fighting "dirty" he was unable to stop the inevitable.

When there is this great of a difference in pace between teammates, a pass is what should happen. Carlos would have been able to tell by the second time Charles caught him that Charles' pace was much better. That should have been his signal to move. He didn't.

Furthermore we hear on team radio exactly how frustrated Charles was over this. He wouldn't have been anywhere near as mad if this was a first time thing, it isn't, and again this display from Carlos is a reason that Ferrari are not keeping him.

I hope Ferrari make it clear that this is not the kind of thing that can be allowed to happen in the future. Risking damage to both cars is not something any team can afford, especially a top team when they are trying to seriously compete with Red Bull.

Charles did everything he should have done. He had the line, but was forced wide. He had the pace and was aggressively fought with.

Final Sprint Thoughts

This was actually one of the best sprints. Lots of action and we saw some really solid racing from a lot of top drivers.

I hadn't planned on doing regular sprint analysis, but if they are all packed like this I might have to. If enough noteworthy things happen in a sprint I'll do it again.

Thank you for reading and I'll be back with my China GP analysis soon!

[mysteriouslyjovialcolor]

Austria 2016

-I might have Pavlov-ed myself into believing that car sounds make me happy

-Nico Hulkenburg is p2??!

-Why are there so many grid penalties- what happened in this qualifying session?

-I hate watching races where Nico qualifies well, I always have to confront the fact that he actually never stays there in the end

-Oh it’s Seb’s birthday!

-“Could this be the day that Force India capitalize on Nico Hulkenburg’s top qualifying position?” Don’t make it worse please

-Oh that’s not a good start- Wehrlein is in the wrong grid spot

-“Nico Hulkenburg has lost a place or two” :/

-“Jenson Button already forming a bit of a buffer for his former teammate” Yay DRS train

-Aah Nico vs Nico

-“Hulkenburg’s lost two places in the span of two corners”

-Max really be just following the top cars and making everyone’s lives difficult

-Both Ferraris making moves at the same time>>

-Also Kimi p2!!

-“That’s Vettel on his former teammate”

-Nico has fallen to p8. I knew this was going to happen but it still sucks.

-Nico R overtaking here much faster than he did in Canada

-Nico H pitting already?

-“Okay Daniel, we might be stopping soon, push now, push now”

-Very impressed by Lewis going long on those tires and still maintaining pace

-“I do think we need to just keep Raikkonen in mind a little bit because he’s driving himself into contention” Yes, let’s go!

-No way Nico’s taking those tires to the end

-Nice, Hulkenburg’s still in the points

-Nevermind, I spoke that into non-existence

-Ohmygod no wait, Nico fought back

-And he’s lost it again

-Did Nico R just successfully undercut Lewis?

-Ayy Ferrari called in Kimi too late. They were 1-2 and now Kimi’s in p6

-Hehe Kevin being a menace

-Why is Nico H pitting again??

-Seb?? Ohmygod?? Did his tire just burst?

-“Has Ferrari left it too long to bring him into the pits?” Aaah I’m going to scream

-Him just sitting there on the track is awful

-I have realized just now, watching Nico leading this race, that I’ve never actually watched a race where he wins. What the hell?

-I completely missed the safety car pit stop games because of that realization

-I don’t think any of the top five cars pit again though?

-So cute all the cars following the safety car through the pit lane

-“Red Bull sitting pretty, Verstappen and Ricciardo 3 and 4”

-Whyyy is Nico Hulkenburg p16?!

-“There’s some Ferrari hanging off the front of that Mercedes” Hehe

-Yesss Checo! Double overtake!

-Checo practically carried that team fr

-Nico and Kevin getting penalties basically at the same time. Their teammate agenda started early

-Felipe Nasr leading a DRS train>>

-“Nico Rosberg leads by two seconds” Ohmygod am I finally about to watch him win?

-“There are twenty of them on track but it’s looks like there are thirty on there doesn’t it, with the amount of scraps�� It really does! With everyone so bunched up

-Checo and Massa have been battling for so long, they overtook the same guy together to continue battling

-“I’m really missing radio communication in f1” I too would like to hear more radios

-“Jenson Button is having a good afternoon isn’t he?” WHY ISN’T NICO HULKENBURG??!

-“Verstappen- the non-Mercedes man, in a podium position”

-NH: “Guys I think I’m bailing out, there’s so much vibration” Ajhshsbsbhsggsg

-Man I forgot about his five second penalty, he might as well have retired

-LH: “Okay Lewis close that gap as much as you can, it’s hammer time”

-Ooh good pit stop for Lewis

-Good pit stop for Nico too

-They really be so evenly matched

-“This is going to get punchy isn’t it” Bring it on!

-LH: “Why is he on a softer tire than me?!”

-Huh when did Kvyat retire?

-It’ll be hilarious if Max wins this race by going till the end on those tires

-Honestly it must be so terrifying being hunted down by both Mercedes rocket ships

-Ah that was a good move from Nico

-Ughh traffic while trying to overtaking must be the worsttt

-Never seen Ricciardo and Button battling before. This is fun

-Yesss late on the breaks babyyy

-Massa, Alonso and Hulkenburg retiring?!

-Yes traffic must suck. I’m pretty sure Nico’s cursing them out right about now

-Ohmygodd no wayyyy!!!

-Checo?!

-“He’s been passed by the Red Bull and the Ferrari as well!”

-How did all of this happen in the last lap?!?

-I thought Nico was going to win!!!

-LH: “I was on the outside. It wasn’t me that crashed”

-I’m in such shock, I’m still reeling

-“I don’t think there will be a hug between the two drivers” These commentators just do their best to add more drama don’t they?

-On the flip side though, Kimi podium!! (Also Carlos points!)

-Ooh this is Max’ second podium (Man’s first podium was a win- how cool)

-MV: “What happened there?”

LH: “ *scoffs* He made a mistake into turn 1 in the last lap”

KR: *watching with interest *

-I love debriefs with the older drivers

[cutieln4]

made it all look painless, man am i the greatest? | LN4 fanfic

lando norris x oscar piastri (can be read as platonic or romantic)

a/n: hi guys! i wrote an actual lando fanfic like no OC or self-insert or anything, and i also cross-posted it on ao3. it's really angsty but has a good ending so make sure to read the warnings carefully! and as someone who's gone through this stuff, this is in no way romanticizing it. if you are struggling please reach out for help, my DMs are always open!

summary: After Lando's first win, things were supposed to get better. But it only gets so, so much worse.

WARNINGS: suicidal thoughts, self-harm, eating disorders, panic attacks, suicide attempt

After Miami, Lando thought that things would get easier. He was no longer "Lando Nowins." He had finally proved everyone wrong and got that win.

But then, the season continued. It became clear that the Mclaren was consistently challenging for wins. He almost won again in Imola, he missed out on a podium in Monaco due to a red flag, and an untimely safety car lost him the win in Canada.

And suddenly, everyone was trying to conjure up a championship fight out of nowhere.

In Spain, he took his first pole position of the season. Maybe things were starting to look up. Maybe Mclaren actually had a chance this year.

But then he had to go and ruin it just like he always does by fucking up the start, and Max beat him again. He tried to choke down his disappointment during media, unconsciously biting and picking at the skin around his fingernails as the interviewers picked apart his mistakes.

And then Austria happened. He was faster, but he couldn't pass Max. He tried over and over, making silly mistakes as his frustration built. But then, they made contact. He had to retire, yet Max still extended his lead by 10 points.

Lando's chest was tight and he felt like he couldn't breathe as he climbed out of the car. He relished in the pain of ripping the skin off his fingers as he gave his interviews.

He skipped his dinner that night, the pit in his stomach making him too nauseous to eat anything. He spent the whole debrief focusing on not hyperventilating.

When he got back to the hotel, he had a few of the drinks in the minibar, just to help him fall asleep. The numbness he felt almost made up for the pain from the day.

The next day, he texted Max and then went on a run until his legs and lungs nearly collapsed. The burning pain in his chest felt better than the nauseating lump in his stomach.

Silverstone was next, and he finally got to see his whole family, which made the anxiety melt a little.

But then, he fucked up again. That might have been his only opportunity to win his home race, and he fucked it up because he couldn't pick the right tire. It was just like Sochi all over again. He tried not to let the disappointment on his family's face affect him.

There was finally a little break after Silverstone where he could spend some time not thinking about racing. Yet somehow, every time he tried to relax, he couldn't stop thinking about his mistakes, and his nails dug into his skin.

Hungary was even worse. He had to give up a 6-second lead on the second-to-last lap just because he was too stubborn not to switch positions right after he undercut Oscar and race him later on. So stupid.

The radio messages from Will haunted him. You're going to need Oscar, and you're going to need the team.

Then why did he feel like they were never there for him?

He ruined Oscar's first win. He tainted it. He only has himself to blame when Oscar looks disheartened during the tense debrief, but he can't bring himself to apologize. He can't even bring himself to look at him. It's all Lando's fault.

They go out that night to celebrate, and although Lando wants nothing more than to lock himself in his room and not talk to anyone, he feels like he owes it to Oscar to be there.

He ends up taking way too many shots way too quickly, or maybe it's the fact that he hasn't eaten all day, but he's drunk out of his mind as he sits in the VIP booth Mclaren bought out.

The table is spinning in front of him, and the euphoric feeling that the alcohol brings is enough to distract himself from his self-deprecating thoughts. He startles when someone slides into the seat next to him.

"Are you okay?" Oscar asks him, eyes wide as he holds a half-empty drink.

Lando just nods, looking down to avoid eye contact. "Good job, today," he says numbly, but he hopes Oscar knows he's being sincere. It's silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry–"

"Why are you apologizing?" he cuts Oscar off harshly. "I'm the one that didn't let you pass when they told me to. I'm the one who fucked up the start and put us in the situation to begin with."

"I know, but–"

"But nothing. I fucked up everything just like always, and now I've ruined your first win. 'M not sure how you still tolerate being around me, but you should probably leave like everyone else before I ruin your life too."

He didn't mean to say all of that, but the words just kept coming out. And now Oscar is staring at him with a look of shock. He opens his mouth to say something, but Lando quickly stands up and pushes his way to the bathroom before he can.

Once Lando locks himself in one of the stalls, he immediately slides down the wall, head buried in his knees as his breathing quickens. He doesn't know he's crying until his tears are soaking his pants.

Painful whimpers leave his mouth as he scratches at his throat, willing to allow himself to breathe again. His nails rip into his skin, clawing down his throat and his arms.

He stays there until his breath returns and his arms are rubbed raw. Then, he gets up, orders more shots at the bar, closes out his tab, and calls an Uber to take him back to the hotel.

The shots just start kicking in as he stumbles into the backseat of the car. He feels himself going numb again, and he breathes a sigh of relief. He stares out the window the whole ride, trying not to throw up as the world spins.

Finally, he stumbled back to his hotel room and went into the bathroom, and he just stared at himself in the mirror. He's so fucking useless. Everyone hates him. And if they don't, they will eventually.

Lando considers punching the mirror in front of him and imagine that he's really punching his face, but instead, he flops onto his bed and hopes his hangover the next day isn't too bad.

He's off to Belgium the next morning. His mum told him his grandma was getting sicker and it sounded like she didn't have much longer left.

She passed just before the weekend started. Seeing his mum cry had been one of the most painful parts of it. He at least got to see her one more time before she left. But of course, it had to be right before the Belgian race.

Winning here would mean so much after what happened. He wanted to do this for her and his whole family. He couldn't let them down.

Max was also taking an engine penalty, so this weekend should've been a good opportunity to gain points on him in the championship.

Yet he could only manage 4th in qualifying, and the race went even worse. He was stuck behind Max for several laps, but he just couldn't get past.

6th. 6th in a "rocketship," as everyone liked to call it. Why did Mclaren even want him? He couldn't even finish in front of Max, who started way behind him.

He disappointed his family, he disappointed his team, he disappointed his fans, he disappointed everyone. He didn't even want to see what people were saying about him online. He already knew that he was a fraud, he didn't need others pointing it out as well.

He let Max Fewtrell drag him around during the summer break, and he spent the whole time dodging Max's worried glances and acting like he was having fun. The only time it was bearable was when they went out and he was several drinks deep, too drunk out of his mind to even think about racing and his failures.

Nearly every night he got blackout drunk. He didn't see the problem with it, but it raised red flags with his best friend.

"How are you doing, really?" Max asked him when they went out to lunch, just the two of them.

Lando wrinkled his nose, looking off to the side to avoid eye contact. "I'm fine."

Max sighed, seeing right through his bullshit. "Dude, come on."

"I don't know why everyone is acting like I'm falling apart! This is the first time I have a chance at the championship, I think it's only reasonable that I'm acting a little different," Lando replied, exasperated. He was sick of everyone acting like something was wrong with him.

"Right, because getting wasted every night is a healthy coping mechanism?"

Lando laughed, dryly. "I'm on fucking vacation. If you're going to talk about feelings and bullshit the whole time I might as well fucking leave!"

And with that, he dug some money out of his wallet, slapped it on the table, and left.

Another relationship he fucked up. Just like always.

He spends the rest of the summer break alone in Monaco.

He's lost more weight by the time he arrives at Zandvoort. Jon asks how he was eating over the break, and he insists that he's been following his meal plan.

He just can't eat. There's a churning in his stomach that makes him want to throw up at the thought of food.

Lando gets pole on Saturday. It should feel good, but it doesn't, he knows he's gonna lose the lead on the first lap anyway, just like what everyone says.

He beats Max by 23 seconds, but his face is stone-cold as he poses for the cameras. He still messed up the start, if it wasn't for his pace, Max would've won again.

The interviewers point out his mistakes, the team points out his mistakes, and everyone points out his mistakes. And now people are giving him death threats and calling him arrogant and egotistical because he said 2 words after the race.

He thinks about what would happen if he were gone, if he did what so many people said and removed himself from this world. Perhaps everything would be better that way. He scratches his arms until they're raw whilst he ponders it.

He makes it to Monza. He pulls off another pole and gets a ring for it. It's even a 1-2 with Oscar.

Max is starting in 7th, which means this could be another good opportunity to gain on him in the championship.

His start is good, he's actually leading through turn 1, but then Oscar gets him in the second chicane. It's a good overtake, Lando can't deny, but it gets him out of sorts and Charles passes him too.

Neither Oscar nor Lando ends up winning. What should've easily been a 1-2 turns into a disappointing 2-3.

Some sick part of him feels satisfied when Oscar looks dejected after the race, but he immediately scolds himself for it, guilt flooding him.

When he gets back to his hotel room, he can't help but scroll on social media, and he sees the interviews from Andrea.

"We're only concerned about the constructor's championship."

"The future is Oscar's."

Oh.

The team doesn't even believe in him anymore. They don't think Lando can win the championship. He's only a year and a half older than Oscar, but they're acting like Lando's nearing retirement.

His chest tightens as his breath hitches. He can't breathe. He opens his phone and his thumb hovers over Max Fewtrell's contact, but he throws his phone on the bed instead of calling him.

He's gasping for air as he stumbles to the bathroom, his whole body shaking. They don't believe in him. He's a failure.

Lando scratches at his arms but it's not enough. Tears start forming in his eyes, blurring his vision. He still can't breathe. Why can't he breathe?

He grabs his razor and smashes it with one of his hair product bottles. The blades separate and with trembling fingers, he grabs one and holds it to his arm.

He presses the razor into his skin, then slowly drags it across. The stinging pain is welcoming. It's a different kind of pain than just scratching at his arms. He watches as the blood beads up, and his lungs open up just a bit.

He keeps going a couple more times until his breathing is almost back to normal, and he just stares at the blood. It feels good. He deserves the pain after all his mistakes.

He stays there until the blood is dried, and then he eventually cleans it up and collapses in his bed. He feels guilty. He feels lonely. He still feels like he wants to die. All he does is squeeze his eyes shut and hope he falls asleep soon. He doesn't.

He's scared Jon will see, but he's also scared that Jon will say he deserves the pain for messing up so many times. He wears long sleeves and is extra careful.

Then, an unnecessary yellow flag in Baku causes him to get out in Q1. If he had any hopes of the championship, it just died. He's confident he'll get in the points, but he still needs to get ahead of Max, and even just one place ahead wouldn't be good enough.

Oscar wins, and Lando only got 4th because of Carlos and Checo crashing. He was in front of Max, though.

He's happy for Oscar, but he can't help but imagine what it would've been if he'd qualified near the front like he was supposed to.

At least Mclaren was leading the constructor's championship now.

Lando can't help but feel ashamed. His teammate, who's only in his 2nd year, has tied his number of wins again. How pathetic is that?

Things start looking up in Singapore. Lando is immediately quick, and he gets pole by a large margin. However, he's starting next to Max. He doesn't celebrate too soon.

But, he manages to keep the lead the entire race, leading by nearly 30 seconds at one point. He's pushing, though, and the heat starts getting to him. Maybe he should've eaten before the race, because his focus slips, and he almost goes into the wall because of a lockup. Will tells him to cool it and take a drink after that.

He's still making silly mistakes, even when he's all alone on the track.

He feels nothing when he crosses the chequered flag and the fireworks go off for him.

They have a month off, which Lando actually wouldn't prefer with the momentum they've been having. It gives him time to get his mind off racing, though.

Yet the whole time, he couldn't get rid of the ache and constant nervousness in his stomach. All he could think about was the stupid championship and the disappointment he would give people if he lost it.

When he got to Austin, he just prayed that they would be quick.

Instead, they were immediately struggling. It was extremely bumpy despite the track being resurfaced, and they didn't do well in those conditions.

The sprint wasn't great. His start was good, for once, making up several places in the first corner, but the pace wasn't there. In the end, he loses out to Carlos because of a stupid lockup, and he nearly gets done by Charles too. Max still extends his lead in the championship.

He curses himself for his mistakes. He doesn't eat until after qualifying later that day, but it must've helped because he managed to get pole.

The race is disappointing. He messes up turn 1, again. The car feels like shit, his back is killing him from the bumpy surface, and he's getting frustrated.

He catches up to Max and tries over and over again to pass him. But Max is a great defender, he knows exactly where to place the car, and it just frustrates him more.

Max pushes him off the track, but Lando finally gets ahead. Will tells him that he's being investigated, but that he was ahead at the apex. But the stewards tell him he wasn't, and the penalty takes him off the podium, putting Max ahead of him so he extends his lead again.

The team tries not to look disappointed in him, but he can see it clearly in their faces. Lando was sloppy and careless with his overtake. He's too nauseous to eat, and he cut his thighs that night while he was staving off a panic attack.

He should've just given the fucking place back. Part of him resents Will, he's the one who told him it was fine, after all. But in the end, Lando knows it is on him.

They arrive in Mexico and Jon is starting to notice. His weight loss is "concerning," as Jon puts it. But he doesn't understand that Lando just can't stomach any food. He's already a picky eater, anyway.

It definitely has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't feel satisfied unless his stomach is cramping in pain and he feels empty, but light.

Jon also comments on how exhausted he looks, and Lando tells him he hasn't been sleeping well. It's not a lie, after all. Jon gets him prescribed some sleeping pills that are supposed to help. Lando doesn't take them.

Carlos and Ferrari have been dominating the whole weekend, and now there's pressure with the constructor's championship as well as the driver's.

Lando qualifies third. Max qualifies in front of him, even in a shit car. Lando should feel a little consolation considering his teammate got knocked out in Q1, but he can't help but feel useless.

On race day, Lando is battling with Max again, and he does everything in his power not to repeat Austria.

When Max completely pushes him off the track, all he feels is rage. A part of him feels betrayed, but most of all, he is frustrated. He knows his relationship with Max off-track is thrown out the window on track, but it hurts when his friend completely violates the rules just to mess up his race and possibly cause him to crash out.

His pace is rapid at the end of the race. He gets past Charles, but he can't catch Carlos. He thinks that maybe this was Max's plan all along.

But a day later, he and Max are talking normally again, and sometimes Lando hates himself for how easily he forgives people.

Mclaren was supposed to be quick in Brazil, and Max was taking another grid penalty. The pressure was high. The result of this weekend would either make or break his championship hopes.

During the sprint, Oscar lets him through at the end to let him win. He should be glad that he gained points on Max, but all he can feel is the guilt coursing through him.

Maybe everyone was right, he didn't deserve the championship if he had to get team orders. He cuts that night after qualifying is canceled.

He gets pole early Sunday morning and Max is starting 17th. He needs to win this one, otherwise, the championship will surely be over and he'll let the team down.

But the race quickly unfolds into a disaster. An untimely red flag means Max gets a free tire change and starts in P3 with just the Alpines in the way.

Lando can't turn at the restart. He goes straight and runs off the track, and the disaster of a race gets worse for him. He spends the rest of the laps focusing on not binning it in the wall.

It's a relief when he crosses the chequered flag.

The debrief is tense and the air is filled with disappointment. Lando can see it in everyone's faces. He spots Oscar giving him looks of pity. He wants nothing more than to have the ground swallow him up and take him away forever so he doesn't have to face anyone.

He quickly returns to his hotel, and he can't hold it in anymore. The nausea that has become permanent in his stomach is even worse, and he rushes to the toilet as he gags up spit and stomach acid from his empty stomach.

Tears prick his eyes but he wills them back, he cannot be weak right now.

Once he's in bed, he hesitantly looks at his phone. He has a text from Max Fewtrell, who he hadn't talked to since summer break. Lando knows he needs to apologize to his best friend, but it's just easier not having someone who will nag about his emotions or how he's coping.

He opens Twitter. He never should've re-downloaded it, but it was too late now. Immediately, he sees a clip from his interview in which he said that getting to change tires under a red flag is luck not talent.

However, people are changing it, not including the question that literally asked about the red flag. They think he's talking about Max's driving.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he opens the comments.

Arrogant, talentless, egotistical, worthless.

Kill yourself.

There are several death threats and people telling him to kill himself. All of this over a comment that was taken out of context.

A wet laugh bubbles up in his throat. As if he hadn't already thought about it, killing himself. It would be so easy. Especially with the sleeping pills that Jon got him.

But, he can't. He can't let the team down, he still has a constructor's championship to win. At least give them a little something as payback for all their hard work to give him an amazing car.

Lando scrolls until he can't take it anymore, and he throws his phone at the wall, a pained shout leaving his mouth. He bites his sleeve to keep himself from sobbing. He can't breathe. His chest is tight and it feels like his lungs have closed up.

He stumbles out of bed and gets to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and grabbing his razor. He resorts to cutting himself again to make the pain go away. He doesn't sleep that night.

Jon drags him out of bed and to the airport so he can go home. He's thankful, even though he'd rather lay in bed all day.

When he gets to Monaco, it's nighttime there. Lando goes straight to his apartment, not bothering to unpack, and curls up in his bed. He hasn't eaten or slept since the race, but he just can't. The thoughts consume him.

How can I be better? Why am I so useless? Why did I fail?

After 40 hours, he'd tired himself out enough to finally fall asleep, but he still couldn't stomach anything to eat. His ribs poke out now, but he doesn't care. He just can't.

Las Vegas passes in a flash. The media beforehand was exhausting, but it was an incredibly mediocre race from him. P6, but nearly 30 seconds away from Max who was in P5.

Max's P5 also seals the championship for him. It's a bittersweet feeling. Lando knew the championship was pretty much over after Brazil, but now that it was official, it kind of felt like some sort of relief.

But soon, it was replaced with pressure to get the constructor's championship after Ferrari outscored them.

When they arrive in Qatar, it is not nearly as hot as last year, thankfully.

He qualifies on pole for the sprint and Oscar is in P3. He decides right there that if the chance arises, he's letting Oscar win. He's sick of the guilt that's been eating him up ever since that Saturday in Brazil. Oscar deserves it as well, after everything he's done this year to try to help.

The sprint goes as planned with Lando letting Oscar by right at the end, finishing 1-2. But when it comes to qualifying, they only manage 3-4. It's ahead of the Ferraris, though.

There's a knock on his driver's room door as he's packing up at the end of the day.

"Come in!"

Oscar peeks his head in, then lets himself in and closes the door behind him.

"Hey mate, what's up?" Lando asks him, stuffing a shirt into his backpack.

"Hey, um, thanks for earlier, during the sprint. I really appreciated that."

"No worries, it's the least I could do."

Oscar hesitates. "Um, I actually wanted to, uh, check up on you. We haven't really talked in a while and, well, you just seem a little distant lately. I just wanted to ask if you're okay? I understand if I'm overstepping here, but I've just been a little worried."

Lando averts eye contact. "Oh. I...I'm okay," he replies, digging his fingernails into his palms until it stings. "Just a lot of pressure with the season, y'know? I appreciate you for asking, though. Thank you."

"Yeah, of course. Well, I'm here if you ever want to talk, yeah?"

Lando looks at him, trying to find ulterior motives but only finding sincerity. "Yeah, the same applies with me, mate. Thanks."

With that, Oscars nods, says goodbye, then walks out the door. The conversation leaves Lando standing in his driver's room zoning out at the wall, contemplating what Oscar said to him.

The race is hectic, but once they get going again after all the yellow flags and the debris from the mirror getting picked up, Lando is right on the tail of Max, hoping to find a gap to squeeze through.

"We have a 10-second stop-and-go penalty," Will tells him on the radio suddenly.

Lando's heart stutters. What? A stop-and-go penalty? Everyone's bunched up after the safety car, he's gonna end up last.

"For what?" he asks, still stunned.

"Failing to slow under the yellow flags. We will serve the penalty this lap."

Lando doesn't respond. He's trying to rack through his brain to think of when that could be, but he can't come up with anything. He didn't see a yellow flag that he didn't slow for, and Will didn't tell him anything either.

His body is tense, partly with anger at the harsh penalty and partly with disappointment at himself.

"I'm sorry," he says after he crosses the chequered flag in P10.

He's met with silence, but that speaks for itself.

The debrief is tense. Everyone knows that the constructor's championship is on the line, and everyone is disappointed in him for potentially fucking up all their hard work. Oscar pats his back, but Lando knows he's just as disappointed.

He stays afterward and watches the onboard over and over again while ripping the skin off his fingers. There's no light on his dash, the lights on the side aren't lit up, there's only marshals waving barely visible flags while he's going 200 mph down the straight.

He watches Max's onboard. His engineer warns him about the yellow flags. He watches everyone else's onboards and their engineers warn them about the yellow flags. But Will didn't warn him, in fact, he told him to go even faster to catch up to Max.

He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, then he shuts the computer off and rushes to his driver's room to get his stuff. He feels like he's going to explode with anger.

He slams the door shut and punches the wall. The walls are sturdy enough so they don't break, but Lando's hand is aching and it feels good. He does it again.

He feels his breathing quicken as tears well up in his eyes. His legs give out on him as he collapses to the floor, curling up into a ball as he cries into his knees. Painful, distressed whimpers leave his mouth as he sobs uncontrollably.

Between the crying and the panic attack, he can't breathe, and that only makes him panic more, his chest heaving as he desperately tries to get air in his lungs.

His door opens abruptly. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Oscar rush in and kneel in front of him.

"Lando, it's okay! Shh, it's okay, please calm down. You need to breathe."

Oscar is looking at him with wide eyes, unsettled from seeing his normally strong teammate like this. Lando looks back at him with desperation, urgently trying to stop his crying.

When more of Oscar's pleas don't work, he hesitantly wraps his arms around Lando, letting Lando collapse into him as he cries.

It takes a few minutes for Lando to stop crying. When he does, he pushes out of Oscar's arms, scrambling to get up.

"I, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have seen me like that," Lando rambles on as he scratches at his wrist.

"It's okay. Do you want to, um, talk about it?" Oscar asks as he pushes himself off the floor, but he doesn't seem sure of it and Lando finds himself doubting the sincerity of the offer.

"No! No, no, I'm fine. Just the stupid penalty, s'all. I'm fine," he insists, mustering up a smile that doesn't meet his eyes.

Oscar looks conflicted, but eventually, he nods. "Um, okay. Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

It's the second time Oscar has offered to talk within two days, and Lando curses himself for losing it like he did a few minutes ago. He needs to keep it together.

They're immediately off to Abu Dhabi the next day. Oscar doesn't bring up what happened but he keeps giving concerned glances toward Lando. Lando just really fucking hopes that they can pull off the constructors championship.

The weekend starts well. Charles will be starting P19 and they qualified 1-2 with Carlos behind them. All they needed was to hopefully maintain the 1-2 through turn 1, then it should be smooth sailing.

But, nothing is smooth sailing in Formula 1, and Oscar gets spun around by Max at turn 1, dropping him all the way to last. Then to top it all off, he gets a 10-second penalty for a separate incident.

So, the weight of the world rests on Lando's shoulders. No pressure at all.

But, Lando stays in the lead the whole race, driving flawlessly until he crosses the chequered flag after 58 laps. It feels like he can actually breathe for the first time in a very long time. He raises his fists to the sky as the fireworks explode for him and his team. He lets his head tilt back as he sighs in relief

The team is so ecstatic, and that manages to put on smile on his face. He and Oscar sip champagne together, bottles raised towards the night sky as their team surrounds them. For Lando, it's perfect. Just one perfect moment of satisfaction.

On his way back to Monaco, he makes a stop in England. He spends a day with his family, and then the next day he goes over to Max Fewtrell's apartment to see him.

"Hey," Lando simply says when Max opens the door to his apartment.

Max stares at him with a slight look of shock before letting him in. Lando greets Max's girlfriend, Pietra, who then excuses herself to Max and her's room, almost as if she knew him and Max were talking about something serious.

"Where have you been, mate? You haven't answered any of my texts," Max says.

"I know, I'm sorry. I've been a shitty friend. And I'm sorry for my outburst during summer break."

"I just wish you'd tell me what's going on."

"I'm fine, really. Jon has it all handled. He knows I've been going through some shit this year. I'm...getting better, I'll be better." The lie feels sour on his tongue, but it's for the better.

They catch up a bit, and Lando hugs him extra tight when he leaves.

When Lando gets back to Monaco, he gets his affairs in order, he cleans his apartment, and then he writes his letters. He writes one for each of his family members, Max F, Jon, and Oscar.

He puts the letters in a neat pile on his counter, then he grabs a bottle of vodka, drinking straight from the bottle as he heads to his bedroom.

He lays on top of the covers in bed, so there will be no hassle for whoever finds him.

He grabs the prescribed sleeping pills and starts swallowing whatever is left of them in groups of 5 or 6, washing it down with the vodka.

He gags as he struggles to swallow, but he pushes it down. He can feel himself getting more drowsy, and the vodka bottle bangs against his nightstand as he sets it down.

As his eyes close, there's only one thing Lando is feeling; peace.

~~~~~~~~~~

After Lando visited Max, Max had a feeling that something was off. He knew Lando was having a tough time, and there was just a feeling in his stomach that gnawed at him.

Eventually, he picked up his phone and made a call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Oscar, it's Max Fewtrell. Um, sorry, I know we haven't talked in a while, but, you live in Monaco, right?"

"Um, yeah."

"Okay, I have a really big favor to ask, and feel free to say no, but I was wondering if there was any way you could go over to Lando's and check up on him? He just seemed really off when I saw him the other day."

"Yeah, yeah, of course I'll go, it's no problem."

"Great, thank you so much! If he doesn't answer, his spare key is in the plant next to his door."

"Okay, I'll text you after."

Oscar had an unsettled feeling in his stomach as he made the short walk over to Lando's apartment complex.

He knocked on the door a couple of times and waited, but there was no answer. Maybe he was just out, Oscar tried to reason as he dug through the plant beside the door in search of the key.

With a deep breath, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Lando?" he called out, taking a look around.

The place was spotless. Nothing was lying around, the tables and counters were clear of everything besides a small pile of letters. Stepping closer, he rummaged through to find that they were all labeled with names, including his.

The blood drained from Oscar's face, a cold chill running down his spine as he realized what this meant.

"Lando!" he called more urgently, running through the apartment trying to find him.

He stopped at the bathroom, but he wasn't there. Then he spotted it, the bedroom door was closed.

Without thinking, Oscar slammed the door open, his breath catching in his throat as he took in the sight. Lando was lying on top of his covers, eyes closed. Next to him was a bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka. Quickly, Oscar rushed to his side.

"Lando! Lando, wake up! Please, wake up!" he pleaded as he shook the man, but he was unresponsive.

With violently trembling hands, he pulled out his phone to dial emergency services.

"What is your emergency?"

"Help, please! My friend overdosed, and he won't wake up!"

He quickly told the operator the address.

"Is he breathing?"

Oscar held his own breath as he leaned down to listen to Lando, a sigh escaping as he heard slow, weak breaths coming from the man, which he reported to the operator. Then, remembering his medical training, he took the man's thin wrist, taking his pulse. It was also slow, which he told the operator.

"Okay, emergency services will be there in about 2 minutes, are you alright if I hang up?"

"Yeah, yeah," he replied offhandedly, full focus on Lando.

Oscar put his phone back in his pocket and picked up the pill bottle. He didn't recognize the medication name, but the instructions implied that they were sleeping pills. The bottle was empty.

"Please, please, please, Lando. Please be okay," he whispered, tears falling down his cheeks as guilt started eating at him.

He knew something was wrong, he should've seen the signs earlier. He could've stopped this.

He kept his eyes on Lando the whole time until the paramedics showed up.

Everything felt like a blur, and suddenly he was in the waiting room, head in his hands.

Fuck, he had to tell Max and his family.

Hands still trembling, he got his phone out. He had Adam's number, and with sweaty palms, he dialed it.

"Oscar?"

"Hey, um, I, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but something happened to Lando. He tried to, to kill himself."

It was silent for a moment. "What?" Adam replied, voice sounding heartbroken and watery.

"He overdosed. He's stable, though, we're at the hospital in Monaco."

"We'll be there right away," Adam replied, voice cracking before he hung up.

He didn't want to know what Cisca's reaction would be.

One down.

Next, he called Max F.

"What's wrong?" Max immediately asked, knowing Oscar would've just texted if everything was okay.

"Lando um, he overdosed," he said, the words not getting any easier the more he said them.

Max inhaled sharply. "What? Is, is he okay?"

"We're at the hospital. He was alive, but I don't know anything else. His family's on his way, you could see if you could come with them."

"Yeah, I will. Oscar, thank you. I can't–" his voice broke off with a sob. "I can't imagine what would've happened if you hadn't checked up on him."

Oscar didn't want to imagine that either.

"You were the one who knew something was wrong," he replied.

"Still, thank you," Max said, then hung up.

After that, everything went silent. Oscar was still shaking.

It felt like hours until the nurse finally came out to talk to him, and he was still shaking then, too.

"Oscar, right? You're listed as his emergency contact, so you can come see him," the nurse told him, as he quickly scampered up to follow her.

They stepped into Lando's room, and Oscar felt the air leave his lungs. Lando was sleeping, wires connected to his body all over. He looked weak and vulnerable, it made Oscar's heart break.

"The EMTs administered the antidote to reverse the effects of the overdose and the doctor had to pump his stomach as well. But right now, he is stable, and recovery looks good. He should be awake soon, you can press the button if you need anything if you need anything."

With that, the nurse left. Oscar was zoning out the whole time while staring at Lando, so he knew they'd need to repeat that to his parents. When the door closed, he finally snapped out of it and took a hesitant seat next to the bed.

He took in Lando's appearance now that he was closer.

He was pale, so unusual compared to his dark tan. Wires disappeared under his hospital gown. An IV was inserted in his forearm, tape covering the area, holding it down.

The pit in Oscar's stomach grew as he raked his eyes further down Lando's arm. His breathing halted when he saw the scars on Lando's wrist. There was no mistaking that Lando did that to himself, and the thought brings tears to his eyes. He never knew Lando was struggling so much.

He scoots closer to the bed, not taking his eyes off Lando. It's not long until Lando's eyelids are fluttering and a quiet groan leaves his mouth.

"Osc?" Lando asks, voice hoarse, likely from the tube they had to stick down his throat while they pumped his stomach.

"Hey, I'm here, you're okay. Your family is on their way," he reassures, unconsciously grabbing the older man's hand.

"What–how did you find me?"

"Max called, he was worried about you, so I–I stopped by. You, you were barely breathing," Oscar breaks off with a sob, a tear finally falling. "I thought I was gonna lose you," he whispered.

"Oh, Osc," Lando's own eyes well up with tears, and his grip on Oscar's hand tightens. "I'm–I'm so sorry. Nobody was meant to find me," he said, looking down.

"Well I'm fucking glad I did, you would've been fucking dead if Max hadn't called," his voice cracks as more tears escape his eyes. "Why...why did you do it?"

It was silent for a moment. "I didn't want to keep letting everyone down," Lando whispered, voice barely audible. "I thought it would just be better if...if I was gone."

"Fuck, Lan, you know that's not true, right? You mean so much to so many people, you don't even know it. We've all been so worried about you because we care about you. Your family, Max, the rest of the grid, me. I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here anymore. The world is a better place because you're a part of it."

And that seemed to be the breaking point for Lando because he then broke down in sobs.

"I'm, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he weeps, making Oscar's heart ache.

Oscar lowers the side guard and squeezes into the bed next to Lando, wrapping his arms around him while the older cries into his chest. Oscar rubs his back, whispering reassurances into his ear. It takes a while until he calms down.

"Just, promise me that you'll get better, that you'll get help. And talk to someone the next time you are struggling so badly. Me, Jon, your family, anyone. Just, please, don't do this again."

"I promise," Lando whispers back. And he means it.

[boxboxblog]

2024 Qatar GP: Winners and Losers

As always, it is time for my winners podium and losers podium. remember, no hate to any drivers, they are all extremely talented, but I will be honest about their performances/results. And boy was this a doozy.

Winners:

Zhou Guanyu

The smiles on everyone's face tells it all, Zhou brought home Sauber's first points of the season with a stellar race. Finishing in 8th place, Zhou was able to avoid the chaos on track, not incurring any penalties (which you would think is easy, but in this race was actually difficult) and had some fantastic overtakes in order to pull arguably the worst car on the grid into points position. It seems that the small upgrade package that Sauber brought, including a new front wing, has finally given that car some kick and the minute he had even the smallest amount of pace, Zhou took full advantage. Incredible for him, incredible for Sauber, incredible overall. And he got his first Driver of the Day out of it. Go Zhou!

2. Max Verstappen

After the penalty that took away his pole, Verstappen had a point to prove in this race. And he certainly did, taking the lead from Russell almost immediately, and fighting off Lando Norris for pretty much the entire race. Only when Norris got his penalty was Verstappen able to breathe, so this was no easy-breezy victory for him. But his incredible defense (especially after the safety cars) meant that he held them all off and came home to take his second GP win since the summer break, and first win as a 4x World Champion. Snaps to you Max Verstappen.

3. Charles Leclerc

Did anyone expect a Ferrari to take second today? I certainly didn't, not with Qatar being one of the team's worst tracks and their car seeming to fall off in the last few races. But Leclerc drove a strong race, sticking close to Oscar Piastri for much of it. Then when the safety cars came out, Ferrari chose their time perfectly and took advantage of McLaren's misstep with Piastri (pit right before the safety car) and Norris' penalty to get up to 2nd place. Some may look at that and think it was all luck, but Piastri was breathing down his neck for the entire race, especially during the safety cars. He had to pull off stellar defense to keep the faster McLaren behind him, and the wheel-to-wheel was brilliant.

Runner Ups: Pierre Gasly (for his brilliant P5 finish and defending against Sainz), Alonso (for a solid points finish), and Magnussen (for a points finish)

Losers:

Mercedes

This was a tossup between 1 and 2, but when you mess up so bad you ruin one drivers chances of winning and ruin the other drivers chance of even getting in the points you are the biggest loser of them all. They had pole, and Russell's bad start led them to lose it immediately. But it was the Mercedes seven second pit stop that took away any chance of even a podium in this race, and their table timing. Then Lewis Hamilton's car absolutely screwed him over the whole time, all paired with his multiple penalties. Honestly it was like beating a dead horse. Hamilton even said he was going to retire the car (although he was denied) due to how bad it was. Terrible Mercedes, terrible. Especially painful after how good Las Vegas was.

2. Lando Norris

This was just not Norris' race. While he had a stellar start, pulling into 2nd ahead of Russell, and he had brilliant attempts on Verstappen, he just could not get by the Red Bull driver (felt a lot like the last few laps of Austin). Then after not slowing under a yellow flag, Norris was a victim of the FIA's extreme penalties from this race, and took a 10 second stop and go penalty which sent him all the way back to 15th. He was barely able to make it into the points, finishing 10th. This meant that a) Ferrari crept closer for the WCC and b) Charles Leclerc crept closer for 2nd in the WDC. Bad day for Norris in the end.

3. Alex Albon

Albon had a very messy race. Multiple almost collisions and penalties rendered his efforts useless, and he ended the race dead last. The pace of the Williams car just wasn't there, but it was exasperated by Albon's risky moves that meant he got on multiple drivers bad sides, including Kevin Magnussen who, when overtaking on him, told him to '**** off' after Albon pushed him off road and almost caused a collision. A bizarrely mad race from the Williams driver, which earned him a place on my losers podium.

Runner Ups: Lawson (multiple rough penalties), Tsunoda (dropping so many places), and Bottas (for just missing out on points)

DNF Graveyard: Hulkenberg, Perez, Stroll, Colapinto, and Ocon. They deserved their own place.

Cheers,

-B

[charles-leclerc-please-shave]

Max becoming a father, leading to him retiring, leading to RBR keeping Checo to retain some sense of stability would actually be the funniest conclusion to silly season. Very Tom Wambsgans of Checo.

[livelaughghoul]

2024 Singapore GP tarot predictions

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact. As a reminder, I know fuck all about Formula 1, I just like fast cars and have a dumb amount of knowledge of astrology and tarot.

This is not my best work by any means, and will probably be the most I’m able to do for the rest of the week. My hand is incredibly swollen and sore (don’t be like me and get massive black and gray tattoos on your hands, it hurts a lot and turns out you kind of need hand functionality for everting).

Here are the cards that I pulled for tomorrow. No matter what it’s going to be an incredibly interesting race, especially given the lead up to it. We’ve got fines, community service, lizards, and vague threats. We love it.

P1 - 7 of Cups for Lando Norris

Well it’s not the best news, its a card of wishful thinking, so I have a feeling he’ll drop position within the first lap and end up on a lower step on the podium. Unless he manages to get lucky with a safety car, I don’t think we’ll be seeing a victory tomorrow.

P2 - Justice, reversed for Max Verstappen

They gave him community service, and he said okay I’ll get the Dutch national anthem to play as community service then. I’m taking this as the cause and effect aspect of the card, and I truly believe that he’s going to end on the podium tomorrow. If he can overtake Lando within the first lap, and they don’t totally dick around with strategy, he could easily win it.

P3 - 10 of Pentacles for Lewis Hamilton

It’s a card of permanence, so in my delusional mind this clearly means he is going to win it. My actual mind tells me that it’s just going to be a masterclass drive tomorrow, but there won’t be much change in position.

P4 - Knight of Swords for George Russell

It’s a challenging card, honestly I have a feeling that George may cause a flag tomorrow. It’s one of those unfeeling and incredibly difficult to read cards, but I’m taking this as he’s going to be challenged tomorrow.

P5 - Two of Swords for Oscar Piastri

Oscar is may be stuck in this position, Brouwer the two or swords is a stalemate and avoidance. I’m thinking that he is going to need something huge to happen with those ahead of him to really make any forward progress. He needs to avoid those risky overtakes he’s a fan of, because I don’t think it’ll go well tomorrow if he tries.

P6 - The empress, reversed for Nico Hulkenberg

I stand with my Haasbands, and I love this for Nico because it’s a card of abundance. This man is getting points tomorrow and that’s all that matters. Much like Kevin, I would also commit crimes if it benefited Nico.

P7 - The high priestess, reversed for Fernando Alonso

Its a card of potential, so it’s possible that we see improvements. I’m not necessarily seeing them for this specific race, but in the next few races we may see him in higher positionings. If he can maintain pace and drive tomorrow, I could see him possibly moving up one position, but that’s it.

P8 - Page of Wands, reversed for Yuki Tsunoda

Yuki is gonna have a wild drive tomorrow. It’s going to be creative. It’s gonna be like if you taught a golden retriever to drive. They got passion, and enthusiasm! I’m hopeful that this means Yuki will not be retiring, and will actually finish a race!

P9 - 10 of Wands for Charles Leclerc

Besties, I’m gonna hold your hand while say this, but he’s gonna struggle. I have a feeling with the mounting frustration, he’s going to take unnecessary risks.

P10 - Three of Swords, reversed for Carlos Sainz

He’s going to learn from this race, but he’s not going to have much improvement, if any tomorrow. I have a feeling this is just an obligation at this point and it’s going to be used to test strategy for future races.

[pit-2-podium]

Imola GP highlights

hamilton and perez immediately making moves

vcarbs seem to be qualifying well but when it comes to the actual race they aren't holding

Max is leading but hasn't pulled a gap yet

"Yes come on" - a happy hulk

Albon, Bottas both pit to try and force others to pit

Williams didn't put Alex's wheel on properly - team will be fined (is this karma for their shenanigans towards Logan? - their season is getting real expensive)

poor Alex was on track going so slow trying to get out of the way of the mess that is fourth and fifth place

Yuki pulls ahead of Hulk when he exits the pit

Max has officially fucked off into the sunset with a five second gap

Checo out into the gravel (he's having a rough weekend)

max's tire isn't vibing

after lando pits he gets caught behind perez - he's probably going to be stuck there -Never mind he passed him

Max may have fucked with track limits and got a very stern warning

Lewis is apparently pretending he's on a slip and slide and into the gravel

both oscar and charles pass checo who didn't even try and fight him

mid field doing midfield things

carlos overtakes checo then george does a minute later

Oscar chasing his second ferrari

Yuki has had some overtakes, very clean

Lewis overtakes stroll on the chicane

Perez actually wants to fight lewis?? after letting like five other drives just pass on through

Lewis overtook him around the outside with some late breaking

the final few pit -and checo is back in 11th - then 10th - then 9th

this is a boring track. im bored.

Zhou defends magnussen - kmag if he didn't have 10 points he would have fought more - maybe that's why im bored

"Speak up" - mclaren radio with crackling from the devil himself

zhou and kmag battle gets interupted by lando and charles

Stroll is having a good weekend with clean passes on kmag and yuki

Chalrles cuts some grass on the chicane

radio shenanigans - max and gp sound like an old married couple and Lando sounds like he may strangle someone

Albon has to retire for some reason??

Lando is actually catching max - come on Lando

more great radio's - mad max makes an appearance as he yells at Yuki who was in the way

Lando just demolishes those corners

Ocon with an unusual but well done overtake

Max's battery is almost empty

It is sooooo close

If we had one more lap...

Max wins with 7 tenths of a second gap - that is insane

That's that see ya'll next week

[riddles-n-games]

You know what we’ve been really missing out on? A dance headcanon. It may have crossed your mind at some point or you have never thought of it, but trust me you actually have, so here you go and you’re welcome.

We’ve certainly gotten sprinkles (read: karaoke scene, I mean, we were about to get FED and bam Grayson pity party) of such things throughout the series but not in any outright way as is the case with many of the things that could give us more background on the Hawthorne brothers. (Why you holding out on us JLB??? Huh?!) Anyways, here. Read.

Nash-He does line dancing, I mean, you should have seen that one coming. He's basically the country star of his family and he owns it to the fullest; he's literally one of Taylor Swift's back up dancers for goodness' sake. Nash's favorite version of line dance is square dancing and being the sweetheart he is, he will go to retirement homes on dance nights and be one of the choreographers or partners to help the old folks who want to dance. Of course, when there's a festival, that's when he really gets down. But, this might surprise you; he's also had a stint with hip hop and he's pretty darn good at it. He can do the dougie for sure. In fact, he got so good at hip hop that he also started adding his own style to it and gave it his country flare at freestyle competitions (Jamie and Xander's minds were blown, at first, before the big brother cool wore off that is but they were still impressed🤭).

Grayson-All of them learned how to do ballroom dancing (mainly waltz) but someone had to be the best of them, too. Enter Grayson Hawthorne. He is certainly the go-to brother for these types of dances but he excels at tango and waltz which also give him his greatest enjoyment. Certainly, at school events, he was always sought after during the slow songs and was always leading man for the school's ballroom team. It was the one chance the ladies were allowed to swoon without a certain redhead ruining everything. Though he competed nationally and worldwide, he preferred the simple entry level competitions for the sake of the peace. It was also more fun. He also challenged himself by learning flamenco and he was enamored by it, loving the fast steps and quick changes from one thing to another. However, his grandfather wanted him to push it further since he was already pursuing the dance so he wanted him to do competitions and as much as he put his heart and soul into it, Gray hated doing competitions when he wanted to do this for fun. After his grandfather died, he quit comps and stopped dancing flamenco for a while but his brothers (read: Xander) have been encouraging him to take it up again as a fun hobby. He's been warming up to the idea.

Jameson-Should it really come as a surprise that this boy can tap dance? Because, yes, he can and he is damn proud of it. It’s a favorite party trick of his to pull on the dance floor or in the middle of the club and he’s always tearing it up. He also loves Irish stepdance and after watching the famous Riverdance live, Jameson was obsessed. That was how he and Xander ended up being trained by the very Riverdance company itself and they trained for two years until Xan no longer expressed interest but Jamie got good enough that he even went on tour with them. Also, he's been expanding his repertoire with street dancing, mambo, and most recently disco due to a certain someone's obsession with the 70s.

Xander-Despite Gray being the undisputed king of ballroom in the family, his youngest brother still takes to the swing better than anyone. He has been the most enthusiastic about it and loves the energy which matches him well in every aspect of the dance. Unlike his brother, competing never really bothered him and this is actually one of the things that he gets him into a perfectionist complex. He was a junior world champ on two occasions and now is teaching Max how to do it. On the more casual side of casual side of things, he also knows how to shag which is one of his favorite things to do on little dates with Maxine when they aren't going anywhere. And, of course, being the most sporadic of his brothers, Xander always shocks people when he tells them he also has done ballet. He never got to become a principal dancer as a junior dancer but he did get to do a few pas de deux and was a soloist when he was with the Texas Ballet Theater. His favorite ballets are The Nutcracker and Don Quixote; he appreciates Swan Lake but hates the unhappy versions.

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Living Weapon Whumpee *BONUS* Scene part 25

Warnings: aftermath of being a weapon/semi-retired weapon, lost family, rejection

Sorry it took so long to continue this story -- I bounced around to some other works for awhile because I hit major writer's block with this one -- but I finally powered through and continued it!! Yay!

It was a steady two-day ride to the village where Whumpee and Miranda's son apparently lived.

They made the journey with Max as their primary escort, and Flint himself insisted on being the second armed guard to show his support for Whumpee and make sure the journey went smoothly. The threat of being ambushed by rogue Leader supporters was still a very real danger, though highly unlikely -- Flint was there as backup just in case.

Whumpee and Miranda almost didn't speak the entire trip, both lost in their own mental worlds imagining what their first words to Atlas would be and how introductions would go.

But finally, they were here. Trotting their horses into town with Miranda in the lead, who led them to the house the soldier who had taken Atlas away from her said he'd put their son. The family he'd given him to live with.

The village was small and quiet, though a few curious heads poked out of dark alleys and doorways to see what was happening -- before instantly vanishing when they recognized Whumpee.

Whumpee didn't let it get to him, keeping his chin up and shoulders drawn back like a proper soldier as he dismounted his horse alongside the rest of his party. But he couldn't help the nervous twitching of his hands at his sides as he followed Miranda to the front door of the unassuming wooden house. What would his son think of having his biological parents barge in on his life out of nowhere? And would he recognize Whumpee for the war beast he used to be? How much did Atlas know about Leader's experiments?

Troubled thoughts swirled in Whumpee's head like a broken record stuck on loop, until Miranda's sweet voice drew him out of it, brought him back to reality. She was watching him with worried eyes, and he hadn't realized how rigid and still he'd gone, standing on the front step with her, nervous sweat beading on his brow. It was a strange and foreign feeling for him, to be anxious. It made him want to tuck tail and run and hide somewhere. Anywhere but stay here. Despite being the lethal battle machine he was created to be.

"Hey... are you okay?" Miranda asked softly, stepping closer. "You're looking a bit pale."

Whumpee restlessly shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Yes. Well, no, actually... but... I mean, this is it. The moment I get to see my -- our son. I don't know what to do with myself."

Miranda gave him that angelic smile he was used to, kind and reassuring, though it was edged with unspoken tension, letting him know she was equally as nervous.

"Be yourself, and you'll be fine," she offered. "And... we'll do it together. Nice and easy, right?"

A moment of hesitation, and then she took another step closer -- to gently slip her small hand into Whumpee's scarred one to give it a reassuring squeeze, initiating the contact on her own for the first time.

Whumpee flinched in surprise, almost recoiling -- but stopped himself, cautiously returning the gesture and giving Miranda a grateful nod.

Miranda smiled wider at him, taking her hand back to face the door and knock three times.

Whumpee waited with bated breath as he heard footsteps shuffling inside, before the door was unlocked and creaked open a few inches, a middle-aged man with chestnut hair poking his head out and eyeing the band of travelers warily.

"What do you want?" He snapped grumpily. His brown eyes flicking over them all like he was sizing them up, lingering on Flint and Whumpee the longest.

Miranda cleared her throat before speaking and introducing herself. "I am Miranda -- you may have heard of me. I have come to meet my son who a soldier gave you to raise many years ago. His name's Atlas. I would like to meet him please, if he's available?" She gestured behind her to Whumpee. "And this is Whumpee, the father. We've been excited to finally meet our son."

The man's eyes narrowed, his lip curling.

"There is no 'Atlas' living here. So move on. You are unwelcome to this place." He moved back to shut the door in their faces, but Whumpee stepped past Miranda and stuck his foot in the door, keeping it from closing.

He cleared his throat gruffly. "We would really appreciate it if we could meet Atlas,” he said, a hint of pleading in his tone. "Your eyes flicked to the left when you answered us -- which means you're lying. Atlas is here. We just want to see him, that's all." Whumpee purposefully left out the gruesome fact that the reason he knew the man was lying was because he'd tortured and interrogated enough captured soldiers of war to sniff out a lie miles away.

The man's face reappeared in the gap Whumpee's foot created in the door, scowling viciously at them all.

"Atlas will not be going anywhere near you lot of bloodthirsty soldiers," he snarled. "I'm not putting my son in danger, in the company of strangers. He's not yours. Me and my wife have been raising him his whole life. You have no right to steal him from us."

Whumpee bristled at his tone, but before he could snap back Miranda raised a hand to silence him. He reluctantly obeyed, keeping his mouth shut.

Miranda raised an elegant eyebrow at the man in his house.

"Could you please let Atlas make the decision of whether he'd like to talk to us, as his biological parents? At least tell him we're here. I promise we have no intention of stealing him away, if it's any reassurance."

The man grumbled some things under his breath, but seemed to relax a little in relief.

He went silent for a minute or two, chewing his lip and mulling it over, before letting out a sharp breath.

"Fine," he eventually groused. "I'll see if he's interested. Stay out here.”

Whumpee's heart soared with hope, and he fought not to let the excitement show on his face as the man disappeared into the house.

It felt like an eternity before he returned, lips tightened into an unsatisfied line.

"Atlas says he's willing to talk to you, under the condition that if he asks you to leave at any time, you will -- immediately," he grunted. "Also -- my name's Henry. My wife's out right now, so it's only me here."

Miranda nodded her gratitude as the man opened the door to let her, Whumpee, Flint and Max come in.

Whumpee's eyes were sharp and assessing as they darted around the house's interior, analyzing it. Before they landed on the small table in the middle of the room -- where a tall, young teenager stood, hands braced flat against its topside.

He couldn't breathe. The teen had Miranda's soft, round facial features, and Whumpee's brown hair and eyes, as well as his muscular physique. It stole his breath away, and he was at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say to a son he'd never even known existed until recently?

And the sight of his son wasn't quite what he'd expected, either: cold eyes full of doubt and skepticism glaring at him as if he were a criminal, harsh and accusing.

"My father says you two are my biological parents?" Atlas gruffed, eyeing them both. His voice was deep and authoritative like Whumpee's always was.

Miranda was the one to fill the charged silence that followed. "Yes, we are. Are you already aware of your story?"

Atlas nodded gravely. "Apparently the soldier that dropped me off at this house explained the situation to my parents -- how you gave me away to get me out of Leader's hands. My parents told me everything they knew, except for who my real father was."

His eyes narrowed. "But why are you here? What business do you have in this house?"

Whumpee blinked in surprise. He didn't know what he'd expected, but he'd kind of assumed his son would be a little more eager and enthusiastic to meet him.

"We wanted to meet our son," Miranda said quietly, voice cracking. "I was unable to find you as a prisoner of Leader -- but now I am free, and I just had to see you at least once in this lifetime... we both did."

Whumpee mimicked her welcoming smile, the scar at the corner of his mouth making it slightly crooked.

But Atlas only frowned, before staring right at Whumpee.

"That's not my father," he growled with such venom it made Whumpee want to wither away and die.

⏪️ Back Next ⏩️

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[thecourtscorkboard]

Turnabout Big Top (2-3)

Even when looking for a break from all the drama, it comes out of nowhere to find us: a magic circus is interrupted by the murder of its own ringmaster, and Phoenix Wright is called to defend its star magician!

Hope y'all didn't miss me too much! Welcome to 2-3, perhaps the poster-child for hated AA cases. Many people call it the worst case in the entire franchise, and this isn't without reason, although we'll get to that once we go through this case's material and arrive at our own conclusion.

At the very least, 2-3 has a very interesting premise: the star magician of a traveling circus has been arrested for the murder of its ringmaster, and we're called to defend him! Let's see if 2-3 is actually as bad as everyone remembers or if it really does get zero stars out of five!

THE CORE CAST:

Phoenix Wright: Coming hot off the heels of losing his memory, Phoenix travels with Maya and Pearl to the Berry Big Circus: only to get wrapped up in another murder!

Maya Fey: Maya returns as our main assistant, taking Pearl's role from the last case. Turns out she's quite a fan of the circus!

Franziska von Karma: Franziska returns as the prosecution, still reeling from her defeat at our hands a few months back and unambiguously pissed about it.

THE MAIN CAST:

Dick Gumshoe: Gumshoe finally gets a chance to show up for actual detective work in 2-3, returning as a major player in this case!

Max Galactica: The star of the Berry Big Circus: a magician that is renowned worldwide for his cordless flying act.

Regina Berry: The daughter of the ringmaster and the "darling child" of the circus, if you will: naïve to a fault and sheltered beyond belief.

Benjamin Woodman: A master ventriloquist and a member of the Berry Big Circus. Notoriously shy, relying on his puppet "Trilo Quist" to do the talking for him.

Moe: A clown at the Berry Big Circus and a mentor figure for many other performers. Loves bad jokes, a good guffaw, and the people around him.

Ken "Acro" Dingling: An acrobat and a long-time member of the Berry Big Circus who was sent into retirement after an unfortunate accident caused him to be paralyzed from the waist down.

THE SECONDARY CAST:

Sean "Bat" Dingling: A former acrobat and the brother of Acro who was unfortunately sent into a coma six months ago.

Russell Berry: The ringleader of the Berry Big Circus. A larger-than-life figure who has lead the circus through thick and thin.

Pearl Fey: Pearl, unfortunately, only has a passing role in this case: but she's here regardless!

A BRIEF RECAP

We cut to a circus: a Berry Big one, as a matter of fact. The announcer says that we are about to witness a man who has mastered the power of flight. Sure enough, he does just that, flying through the sky! This is the one, the only: Maximillion Galactica, magician extraordinare!

Whatever your opinion on 2-3, you have to admit that this intro is fire. It's my second-favorite in the entire game after 2-2.

Investigation, Day One

After the circus closes, Pearl is overjoyed. She's never seen so many people performing so many miraculous things! Maya agrees: she thought it was awesome. Maya and Pearl have to go back home, and Pearl teases Maya about spending New Years' with Phoenix before Maya pulls her away, embarrassed.

The next day (which is December 28: sound familiar?), we're cleaning up a horrible mess at our office (that Maya promised she'd help clean up) when we get a call. It's Maya, and she's inconsolable: Max Galactica has been arrested for murder! Maya says that she'll see us at the detention center in two hours, and we've really got nothing else to do, so... off to the detention center we go!

Ziggy Stardust? That you?

Meet Maximillion Galactica, who Maya is absolutely enamored with. He seems to be a fan of her as well, but when it comes to us he couldn't give a rat's ass. We get to talking with him, and he tells us that he's been on the recipient's end of a rather prestigious award: he's the victor of the Magician's Grand Prix, earning a sizable bust and a nice little trophy. Anyways, he tells us what happened: Russell Berry, ringleader of the Berry Big Circus, was murdered. Apparently, Max was the last one to see Russell alive, meeting with him in his room: worse than that, he was hit over the head! His meeting was apparently about his salary: try pressing him any more, though, and we get psyche-locks!

Max is in denial that he's been arrested. We eventually get him to realize the truth, though, and he breaks character: it turns out that his real name is Billy Bob Johns, and like yours truly he's from the Heartland of the Heartland, a true southnor! There's something funny with how quickly Maya's being enamored with him vanishes after he breaks down into tears. We agree to help him out and, after a brief discussion in the Wright & Co. Law Offices, head back to the Berry Big Circus.

How fast the act crumbles...

Going into the circus itself, the first place we decide to go is a nearby lodging house. This must be where the performers stay while they're on tour! Gumshoe interrupts us: he's surprised to see us here and apparently every single time he's been to the circus he's been there on work. Apparently, Franziska's working the case again: and she is pissed. Maya asks where Edgeworth's been—Gumshoe is reluctant to answer, asking if Maya "hadn't heard" what happened to him. Apparently, Phoenix hasn't told her! Gumshoe ominously says that he's "not around" anymore. A shocked Maya asks us what he's talking about, but Phoenix shuts her questioning down: telling her to never even say his name again.

Getting back to the case itself, it looks like the ringleader of the circus itself was murdered. Right outside the lodging house, no less! We ask Gumshoe what happened to the ringleader and apparently he was smacked on the head. His body was discovered quickly, but apparently Detective Gumshoe says that there's one thing that doesn't quite fit.

This "one thing" that doesn't quite fit? Footprints. What about them? That's the thing: there are none! The only footprints at the scene of the crime were the victim's! That's a conundrum, alright. Where'd the killer come from, where did he go? Gumshoe says that the only way a killer could've done this is if they could fly and—oh my fucking god. This is what they're basing their case off of? Well, there's also the fact that Max's hat was found at the scene, so...

Says the dude named after a bird.

We get the crime scene photo from Gumshoe and go out into the circus stage itself. There's a growling noise and there's a t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tiger! He's growling and roaring at us but somebody manages to step in while Maya is panicking about our well-being: the ringleader's daughter, Regina Berry!

This Sailor Moon-ass girl is apparently oblivious to how dangerous tigers really are. We reluctantly agree with her assessment that we're lucky to 'play' with a tiger, and she quickly moves on to asking if she can try on Maya's clothes. She gives us a few details about what happened last night: she was the only one that stayed around the circus tent, playing with Regent, the tiger. Maya is impressed at her animal taming skills, but Regina brushes it off. Ever since Léon—the circus's former lion—died, Regent's been her best friend: there's nothing scary, or even particularly impressive, about it to her. Apparently, her own father killed Léon, but she isn't sure why.

We talk about Max a bit and Regina tells Maya something: apparently Max professed his love to her the other day along with somebody else! ...Ah. How old is he, again...? Putting that thought out of our minds (MUSTARD ON THE BEAT HO), we learn that the other person who had confessed their love to her was somebody named "Trilo", a tenor in the opera. After their practice session last night, her father went into his room in a hurry: that's our cue to check out the Ringmaster's office!

One of my favorite set-pieces in the entire game!

While we're checking out the room, Maya sneakily steals a poster of Max Galactica. Sneaky, sneaky! There's a set of papers on the table and we can't help but take a look at them: apparently this is Max's salary and oh my goodness, does he make a lot of money! Maybe Phoenix should become a magician. Apparently, he got an absolutely massive raise just a week ago: so why would he want to kill the person who gave him said raise? That's our first piece of ammunition going into trial!

We head back to the circus entrance and come face-to-face with Benjamin Woodman, a ventriloquist for the circus! He's incredibly nervous, looking over his shoulder and with a near-constant stutter. Left shoulder, right shoulder, left shoulder, look, huh?

...Did Maya just make a dick joke?

We try to get him to tell us a bit more. He says that Max isn't very nice and that his head hurts, but anything more than that gives us a big, fat nothing out of him. Welp, guess there's nowhere else to go than Moe's tent!

And boy, what a character he is. Constantly laughing at his own jokes, which Maya does not hesitate to also laugh at, wearing an outfit defined by smile after smile... this guy is a circus act, alright. Moe tells us that the circus has come on hard times: it can't compete with movies, TV, video games, and bowling. Apparently, Russell was a very kind man: when the circus didn't make enough money, he'd pay from his own pocket. When we get to talking about the murder, Moe tells us that he was an eyewitness!

After we're forced to make an awful joke, Moe tells us what he saw. He was about to go to bed when he heard a loud "thump": and when he jumped out of bed to take a look, he saw Max. That's all? It doesn't feel very decisive...

Har! Har! Har! Har! Har! Har! Har! Har!

Before we leave, Moe gives us the bright idea of checking out the cafeteria. Apparently, Max had hit Ben over the head! We go to check it out and sure enough it looks like there's been a full-on food fight: when we pick up a broken bottle, Phoenix puts two and two together. Moe told us there's "Gotti be something interesting here", and sure enough the mobster loved his wine.

I think we've got enough to put everything together, though. Going back to the Detention Center and meeting with Max, it's time for us to break his psyche-locks! Max says that he and Russell were discussing his salary, but that isn't possible. After all, he got a raise a week ago! Max tells us that Russell did call him to his room, but won't tell us why. Well, we've got an idea: he was being reprimanded for hitting Ben with the bottle! Max's psyche-locks are broken and we finally get a more detailed account of what happened last night from him.

Yesterday morning, Max and Ben were having a fight: apparently, they were both competing for the heart of Regina and Ben had confessed to her. In a fit of rage, Max assaulted Ben with a bottle and was called to Russell's office: Max demanded that he be allowed to marry Regina and, surprisingly, Russell accepted. To solidify this deal, however, Max decided to shut up Ben by hiding Trilo. Apparently, Ben can barely talk without his puppet!

I have to hand it to Ziggy here: that's actually pretty smart.

After heading to Russell's office and finding Trilo, we rush over to give it back to Ben, who is in the circus cafeteria. Through Trilo, Ben decides to insult and degrade us Jeff Dunham-style before giving us some information. "Trilo" apparently hates Russell: Ben isn't being paid very much, doesn't like Moe, and has his hand in Trilo's pants. Apparently, Ben's trying to marry Regina.

...Hooh boy.

Alright, let's just ignore that. Apparently, Ben's also an eyewitness to Russell's murder and is adamant that it was Max! Greeeeeeeat. Before we can get any more information out of him, Ben runs off. He's going to be a witness in court tomorrow... much to our dismay. When we leave the cafeteria, a monkey comes out of nowhere and swipes our badge! Regina pops up and tells us to go over to Moe's: apparently he's friends with Money the monkey. Regina has nothing of interest to say, so we head over to Moe's tent.

Heading back over there, Moe gives us a bit more information about her: apparently, Regina has been born and raised in the circus and doesn't know much about life outside of it. Moe's friendly and kooky demeanor quickly shifts to a more serious one when talking about her—it seems that he takes his role as "Uncle Moe" quite seriously. When it comes to Money, Moe is ready to lead us to his owner: an acrobat named, rather fittingly, Acro. He's not in, but Moe lets us take a look around his room.

In a pile of junk, probably collected by Money, we find our badge: and also a ring! "From T to R"... hm. Teddy to Roosevelt, perhaps? In any case, with a ring in our pocket and a badge on our lapel, our first day of investigation comes to an end!

Trial, Day Two

Before going into trial, Max's nerves are frayed. Although we can't give him a glass of milk to calm down, we do manage to get him to stop panicking before heading in.

In the words of her not-so-illustrious father, "get on with it, man!"

After the court agrees to call Max by his stage name, Franziska starts going off on Phoenix. Still absolutely incensed by the 2-2 trial, she declares it was a sham and that her perfect record will, despite that, stand. Sore loser much?

Regardless, she calls Gumshoe to the stand. She's surprisingly polite with him, and Gumshoe's testimony sheds a lot of much-needed light on the case. The victim was beaten to death at 10:15 PM and under his body was a wooden trunk! We press for a bit more information and it turns out inside the trunk was a bottle of pepper and... that's it. Huh. Okay, well, it's accepted as evidence anyways!

We ask Gumshoe about the night of the murder a bit more. It was snowing pretty hard, but there's not much else that we can gleam from him. He's dismissed and Ben is called up to the stage. Here we go: time for our first real testimony!

Ben testifies, through Trilo, that he saw Max heading towards the scene of the murder while standing outside of the lodging house. While His Honor brings up the idea that Moe could be the murderer, as Ben left him before seeing Max, there's the issue of Max's silk hat left at the crime scene: a piece of very incriminating evidence. Nevertheless, it's time for us to start cross-examining Ben! The first contradiction is pretty clear: isn't it weird that Ben only saw Max? After all, Russell's body was there! We try to press this claim but there's no definitive proof that Russell wasn't waiting there already. Well, what about him waiting outside of the lodging house? He was waiting for Regina: and we're able to put two-and-two together! Even if Ben saw somebody walk by him, he wouldn't care if they weren't Regina!

Please. Don't look at me like that.

Ben testifies again: he was waiting to propose to Regina and even had a gift ready! Drilling Ben a bit more, we get him to admit that this gift of his was an engagement ring. He said that he had it in Trilo's pocket, but this can't be true: after all, this had to have been the ring we found in Acro's room! "From T to R": "From Trilo to Regina"!

Ben tells us that the ring was stolen around the time Max walked by and that he chased after Money: and this proves a massive discrepancy! He was chasing after Money, which means there's no way he can truthfully say that he was watching the plaza all night! His Honor sustains our argument and asks Ben to testify one more time.

This is his final slip-up! Ben says that he cordially said "good evening" to Max, but this is incredibly unlikely. After all, Max assaulted him, remember? What does this mean? There's one conclusion that is seeming increasingly likely: Ben is trying to frame Max by placing him at the scene of the crime! He probably did see somebody, though. Who was it? The defendant! Even though he saw the defendant's "three symbols"—the silk hat, cape, and white roses—anybody could pull that off!

I would pay a large amount of money to see this.

Although we've made the point that Ben is an unreliable witness, apparently Franziska's next witness is not! She's getting ready to call Moe to the stand, and trial is adjourned for a brief recess.

In the Defendant's Lobby, Max tells us that he took off his stage costume while meeting Russell. It's now looking likelier and likelier that Russell did, indeed, dress up as Max! But why? Furthermore, where did Max's cloak go?

The recess is quickly over and court is back in session: Franziska calls Lawrence "Moe" Curls to the stand!

...Okay, brief break. Can I talk about how much I genuinely love Moe's name? This should probably be for the greater review but I just wanted to make a quick aside here. Larry, Moe, and Curly were the Three Stooges, and Moe's name finishes the name of the sisters from 2-2: Ini and Mimi Miney, and Moe—eeny, meeny, miney, mo! This is a really cute detail and I think it's one of the best names in the series.

Anyways! Moe tries to sing us the theme song to Fresh Prince with a corny twist and tries to lament about his life's story before giving us an actual testimony. Moe says that he was about to go to bed due to being exhausted from practice, but before he was fully asleep he glanced out his window and saw Max and Russell arguing: and Max hit Russell over the head!

Drilling Moe for information, we get to asking why he looked out of his window. Apparently, he heard a "thump" sound: the sound of somebody being hit very hard. There's our contradiction! If Moe heard the ringmaster getting hit, which made him look out of his window, then how did he see it? After all, Russell was only hit once!

Moe says that Russell was already face down in the snow: and indirectly tells us that Franziska tampered with his testimony!

Tricky, tricky...

Even if he didn't see the actual crime, Moe is still adamant that he saw Max! He's sure that he saw his symbols—say it with me now, silk hat, cloak! Wait. There's something missing! Even though Moe got a good enough look to see the silhouette of his face, he didn't see the roses?! Trilo saw all of Max's symbols, though. His Honor is 99% sure that Moe saw the defendant: but that 1% of doubt is enough for him to suspend his verdict... unless we don't find any contradictions in his next testimony!

Hooh, boy! Alright. Put your game face on! Moe testifies that Max had his hat on the entire time that he was at the crime scene and we finally, finally, get a break. After all, the silk hat was left behind! Moe is adamant that he saw Max leave the scene of the crime with the hat still on, and tells us that he walked away. This is impossible: the footprints prove it! Moe admits more plainly now that Franziska told him not to tell the truth: an understandably outraged Judge snaps at Franziska, flatly telling her "enough out of you!" after learning without a doubt that she tampered with Moe's testimony.

Moe, defeated, is finally ready to tell us how Max left the...

...scene...

of the crime.

Oh, you've gotta be shitting me.

I... I don't even... what?

There's a really funny line of dialogue here—Phoenix can (rightfully) ask if this is all a Kafkaesque dream only for Franziska to whip him and ask if this feels like a dream. His Honor demands more investigation and calls an end to today's proceedings, leaving us dumbfounded and with far more questions than answers. In the Defendant's Lobby, Max inadvertently tells us how his trick works: he uses invisible wires to hoist him through the air, which gives us a bit of leeway given that no such wires were found at the crime scene.

In any case... trial is now at an end!

Investigation, Day Two

This day of investigation is rather short, all things considered. After freaking out Maya by pulling the ol' detachable thumb trick (fun fact: if you present the bottle of pepper to Maya, she admits that she likes to put pepper on both her hamburgers and her PB&Js), we head down to the Detention Center to talk to Max. Apparently, a TV crew is already planning on a special where he escapes from prison! After he's acquitted, of course.

Apparently, the flying trick is much harder than just a few invisible wires. Maya tries to get him to be more friendly with the other circus members but he dismisses her outright: as much as everybody at the circus hates Max, it seems he hates them right back. He labels them as void of ambition, compared to the illustrious prizes he's won! He gives us a picture of the International Grand Prix: the first time he's ever flown on stage. We present the photo to Max and he tells us that the bust is in the cafeteria: but we checked it out and there definitely wasn't a bust there. Are the pieces already starting to fall into place?

all of the lights all of the lights bah bah bahbahbahbah BAH BAH BAHBAHBAHBAH bah bah

Once we get back to the Berry Big Circus, Ben and Trilo are performing a round singing act. Gotta admit: that's pretty impressive! We give the ring back to Ben, who's happy to take it. Talking to him, Ben says that he thought it was the Ringmaster until he saw those symbols. Are they really that identifiable?

In any case, we head back to the murder scene and stumble upon Detective Gumshoe! Apparently he's there interrogating Moe so Franziska doesn't have to. I can't say that I blame her. Franziska's actually inside the lodging house itself: if the killer really did fly away, then he'd have to passed by Acro's room. We make a mental note to check it out after Franziska's left.

We decide to do some sleuthing and find Moe ourselves. He's not in his room, but we do find him in the cafeteria! After giving us a riddle, he's ready to answer more of our questions. He's in a more dour mood than usual. Maybe he should go see Pagliacci.

And there's still debate over whether he's bisexual?

Moe is still absolutely adamant about what he saw. With no psyche-locks, no less! He must be telling the truth: but how does that make any sense? We get to talking about Max a bit more, and Moe is apparently starting to see where he's coming from. In any case, about five days ago, Max's bust up and disappeared! There's something else that's different, too. There was a note plastered on the bulletin board, addressed "To The Murderer"! Furthermore, it was up there the day before the murder!

We go back to the Lodging House but Gumshoe runs away. Apparently he's got a pager or something that warns when Franziska's showing up, and it's beeping like crazy.

Wait.

Franziska's showing up?

She whips Maya out of the way and inserts herself into our conversation! She's quick to tell us that she's absolutely sure she'll win tomorrow. Great. We actually get to talk to Franziska for once: apparently, she's got her hands on something big. This is bad! She even pulls another page out of her father's book and tells us that she's got conclusive evidence and a conclusive witness.

When it comes to revenge, though, she's a little more private. Apparently, she's not getting revenge for her father—who has apparently died in prison—but instead for "him". Her "little brother"... Miles Edgeworth.

And so Franziska's loathing comes to light.

Phoenix is outraged at Franziska for even bringing him up. She's quick to blame him for his disappearance, though, and there's a good reason for this. After 1-4 and 1-5, with Manfred's arrest and the reveal that he used forged evidence to convict Darke, Edgeworth apparently was never the same.

One day, he just vanished. There was only a single piece of evidence left behind: a small note in his office, emblazoned with the words...

Javert remained for some moments motionless, gazing at this opening of the darkness, and considered the invisible with an intentness which resembled attention.

Franziska is quick to deny that Edgeworth is dead, even though Phoenix has accepted it. Perhaps she could be right: she defiantly says that Phoenix killed the prosecutor in him, not the man, although this could easily just be the first stage of grief talking. Phoenix snaps at both Maya and Franziska, shouting "I've had enough of you!" at Franziska, before storming off to Acro's room with Maya tagging along.

We get to meet Acro, who introduces himself by his real name of Ken Dingling. Although he used to be an acrobat, he's unfortunately confined to a wheelchair and can't perform anymore. We get to talking with him: and he's evidently lived a very sad life. His parents ran away from a failing business situation and abandoned him, with the Ringmaster taking him in out of the kindness of his heart. When it comes to Regina, though, there seems to be an underlying hatred there: wonder why?

Maya can't help but inquire about his wheelchair. Acro's happy to explain it to her: the nerves in his legs have been very badly damaged. He can't even stand, let alone walk. When it comes to what caused his nerve damage, however...

What could he possibly be hiding?

Acro says that he injured his legs during practice about six months ago. He's undergoing physical therapy, and one day he might be able to walk again, but as for right now he can't even stand up. We get to talking about the murder itself and apparently he can't believe what he saw: he's Franziska's decisive witness, alright. When we show him the note, he tells us to go talk to Regina about it: so we do just that!

When we find Regina, we're nearly attacked by Regent again. She's quick to calm him down, though, and Regina explains why she's not terribly broken up about her father's death: when people die, she explains, they just become stars in the sky. Right. Okay, sure. Regina says that she was trying to scare off Money, which is why Regent almost killed us. Apparently, he stole a costume of hers! She asks us to get it back for her, and before we can say anything, Maya takes the reigns of the conversation and promises to get it back for her.

We start talking to her about the note. She tells us that it was in her pocket: and she found it after she brought breakfast to Acro's room. Curiouser and curiouser. Regina was the person who put it on the bulletin board, thinking it was addressed to somebody else—on the morning of the murder, no less.

Depends on how much you take.

Heading back to Moe's room, we find Regina's vest in Money's hands! After imitating a monkey to get it back from him, Maya tries it on: only to find that it's way too big. When we give it back to Regina, she explains that it's a vest... for a lion. This was Léon's. Regina's finally ready to talk about him, it seems.

Regina and Léon had a trick where she would stick her head in his mouth. One day, during practice, Léon was performing this trick with somebody else and bit down on their head. After the accident, that's when Russell decided to kill him: the lion had become a liability.

Everything is finally falling into place. Before we head back to Acro's room, though, we decide to stop by the cafeteria. Moe's in there cooking up a storm, and we get to talking to him while he's making some sliders! He tells us a few things: that Acro was incensed when he learned Russell died; that he's actually thinking about becoming the new ringmaster; and that Max is... well, right on a lot. He'd only try becoming ringmaster if everybody got over "the tragedy", though. We try to pry, and...

Livin' in a wicked world...

Psyche-locks! Luckily, we've got the tools to crack them. Moe tries to get us to eat but, like me, Phoenix says that he prefers grilled chicken sandwiches. We already know what the tragedy was: the accident involving Léon. Moe says that he promised somebody he wouldn't say anything: and who holds a grudge against Regina, Léon's owner and tamer? Acro.

Moe's ready to spill the beans. It wasn't Acro that was hurt by Léon: it was his brother, Sean "Bat" Dingling. Bat stuck his head in Léon's mouth and Léon bit down... smiling all the while. Bat suffered massive brain trauma and is in a coma he'll likely never wake up from; nobody died, but in Moe's own words, it probably would've been better if somebody did. After the accident, Russell cut his losses and shot Léon.

Knowing the mood is far too dour for burgers, Moe decides to try and lighten things up by spraying some pepper on Maya, who quickly starts to sneeze. Regina also used to sneeze whenever she was introduced to pepper and Bat used to tease her by sprinkling pepper around her all the time.

Anyways: we have all the pieces now. We just have to put them together! We go back to Acro's room and confront him about the accident. Six months ago, Acro was also attacked by Léon: or perhaps "battled" is a better term. He must've fought off Léon after the lion bit down on Bat's head. Acro keeps telling us that it was an accident, but his last psyche-lock isn't broken.

...What if he thinks it wasn't? Acro's calm demeanor breaks down whenever he talks about Regina, after all. Does he think she was responsible for what happened to Bat? We overplay our hand a bit, but we know for a fact that he does hate Regina. Why? Well, think about it. She found the note in her pocket after she delivered breakfast to him. He must've slipped it into her pocket! "To The Murderer": the murderer of Bat, not Russell!

The tragedy of Acro...

Knowing his secret's out, Acro concedes defeat. He gives us the scarf Bat was wearing when Léon bit him: it's covered in blood... but before we can do anything with it, Franziska barges in and takes the scarf! Phoenix isn't dissuaded, though. He's starting to put it together!

Trial, Day Three

Before trial begins, Regina comes to give Max a glass of milk. Apparently, Moe told her that she should be here for trial. I guess he knows what we're about to uncover and figured she should know the truth. Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all. He comes in and we have a discussion: when Phoenix says he's going to face down the real culprit, Moe agrees with us in thinking that it's Acro. Today is a trial of evidence instead of argument: he warns us that Acro is used to putting his life on the line and that this won't be easy.

When trial begins, Franziska is going full-force on the idea that Max flew away from the scene of the crime and calls Acro to the stand. The crime scene was right below his window, and in his first testimony he says that he only saw Max's back but that he was sure it was him flying away. We quote Franziska herself, saying there's no way that actually happened, and proceed with cross-examination.

We decide to drill Acro a bit. The lights in his room were turned off, but he still says he saw Max: he recognized the cloak and hat. This, unfortunately, isn't possible. Why? Simple. It's the hat! It was at the crime scene, after all. So how did Acro see it? It presumably fell off of Max's head, after all!

We're going full steam ahead!

We're only a single testimony into today's proceedings and we're already accusing Acro! Franziska tries to play to the crowd and Acro himself says that he couldn't even leave his room. We're able to see right through Franziska's trick, though. She's trying to get us to name an accomplice and we say "no dice". There are many questions we need to answer: the first one being where Acro was.

This is an easy one. He can't leave his room on his own, so he had to have been in there. Everything is starting to fall into place! Acro asks us how he committed this murder: and we present Max's bust! If it was dropped from a third story window and dropped on somebody's head, then there's no way you could survive that. Franziska manages to convince His Honor to allow Acro to testify again.

Acro's counter-argument is rather simple. He might've had the upper body strength, being an acrobat and all, but the lower body strength? He's functionally paralyzed from the waist down. It would be impossible for him to pick up the bust and look outside of the window: thus, he could not see the ringmaster, and thus, he could not have dropped the bust on his head.

We do have an idea, though. Remember the wooden box under Russell's body? We accuse Acro of not having to look outside his window: all he needed to do was aim for where he knew Russell would be. This would easily be achievable by placing the wooden box under his window beforehand! Who placed it? Acro, of course: he could've simply attached a rope to the box and put it down in front of his window.

Maya, you smart cookie!

Franziska counters by saying Russell's head could've been anywhere when picking up the box. This is not true, though! The box has handles on the sides. To pick it up properly, you'd need to squat down and lift with your legs! Your head would be in the same place. After all, you're not moving your upper body!

Acro has a simple counter-argument. The bust was in the cafeteria. How, then, did he obtain it? He can't leave his room. We've got an answer, though. Remember that hoard in Acro's room? They're all things that Money brings back. A tuba, the ring... certainly a shiny bust wouldn't be out of the question. Money lives in Acro's room, after all! Bronze may not be shiny, but the platinum cards in its hands certainly are. We've proven that Acro's culpability is entirely possible!

Franziska shoots back: Max was seen at the crime! Who, then, did Moe see? Well... what if it was the bust? Franziska interrupts us but we get this awesome part where Phoenix interrupts her.

I wish we got more scenes like this!

Just because Moe saw Max, that doesn't mean he saw Max the person! The biggest question right now is how the cloak got attached to the bust. Although Franziska is trying to lead us into saying somebody put it on, we don't fall for it: the cloak got snagged on the bust! Why? Because Russell was wearing Max's costume!

Phoenix paints us a full picture of what happened that night. Russell went out to the plaza, found the box, and was killed by the bust dropping on his head. Acro then pulled the bust upwards: Max's cape, however, got caught on the bust's platinum cards and flew upwards with the bust, creating the illusion that Max was flying away from Russell's body! Ben had seen Russell walk by earlier wearing Max's costume and Moe saw the bust being lifted towards the air, completing the trick!

Although we've figured it out, Franziska and His Honor demand evidence. Remember what Moe said about the symbols? The silk hat flew away with the bust: it has a hat on its head, after all, and the real silk hat was found at the crime scene! Ergo, the silk hat that Moe saw was the hat that was part of the bust! Why didn't Moe see the white roses? Because the cape got snagged on the back of the bust: if it was on the front, then Moe would've seen the roses!

We have means and we have opportunity. Franziska points out that we still need one more thing: motive. Why would Acro kill his foster father? With that question still in the air, court is briefly adjourned for a ten minute recess so His Honor can process the facts before him.

Hm...

In the defendant's lobby, Max is shocked to hear that Acro was the real murderer. Maya thinks that Acro pinned it on him on purpose, and Gumshoe pops in with some new evidence: Bat's scarf that Acro was about to give us! Additionally, it looks like the circus is standing behind Max—there's an entire dairy's worth of milk waiting for him!

Gumshoe also has a few cryptic messages for us. Yesterday, some "final plans" were set into motion—apparently, everything that's happening right now is according to von Karma's plan! She can't be that smart, can she?! He leaves us with one last message from her: "Nothing is ever truly decided until the very end."

We don't have time to figure this out, however, as court reconvenes! Franziska asks Acro to testify about his relationship with the victim and asks us for proof for a motive. Acro testifies and we refuse the right to cross-examine him: after all, I think we've got enough pieces to finally put everything together. What was Acro's motive? It's rather simple.

He didn't have one.

The truth comes to light.

Acro was not aiming for Russell Berry. He was aiming for Regina: the girl he holds responsible for Bat's coma. When asked for proof, we present the note: remember that Acro slipped this into Regina's pocket? He had no idea who had arrived at the plaza. He simply thought it was Regina and dropped the bust: he couldn't look outside of his window due to his disability. Russell found the note, which stated it had decisive evidence of her culpability, and went in her place.

What is this decisive evidence? The pepper shaker. Russell was taking the box with him because it had this inside of it! Regina sprinkled pepper on Bat's scarf. This made Léon sneeze... and bite down on Bat's head while he was in his mouth.

Acro tells the truth: this is what happened six months ago. There is still no proof, however, that he committed this murder! After all, where's the murder weapon? Von Karma tells us that she turned his room upside-down and didn't find it. Without the murder weapon, there's no proof that it was the murder weapon! His Honor ultimately agrees with Franziska here—without conclusive evidence, our arguments no longer hold water.

That is, until Maya speaks up!

Tongue aside, she's on fire today!

With Maya buying us a bit more time, we manage to figure this out. We know it isn't in the Big Top, and thanks to Franziska's surprise search of his room, it can't be in there either. So... where's the most obvious place for him to hide something out of sight?

Wheelchair users will occasionally wear blankets to keep their legs warm and comfortable as well as provide a bit of privacy. Acro is wearing one right now: and we've only got one shot at this. We ask Acro to take off his blanket. After all... what if the bust was under there?

Acro knows he has nowhere left to go. He's been figured out: and, with tears in his eyes, admits that we are correct. The bust, which he used to murder the ringmaster, is under his blanket.

Exit stage left.

He finally admits everything that happened. Bat had a crush on Regina and teased her with pepper: with how hard she sneezed, it was impossible not to laugh. One day, Regina decided to get back at him by putting pepper on his scarf. Unfortunately, this was the same day that he decided to impress her by putting his head in Léon's mouth: the lion sneezed, bit down on his head, and the rest was history.

Although Regina tried to console Acro by telling him Bat would become a star, but laughing at this only enraged him even further. How could she be so callous to the fact that his brother was effectively dead? Although he briefly considered suicide, he had another plan in mind: murder.

Max Galactica is declared not guilty. Regina is inconsolable, but we manage to calm her down by telling her Bat is still alive. When he wakes up, she says, she'll be right by his side. Moe tells Max that he's free to leave: he'll be taking the position as the circus's new ringmaster. Max is happy to help him in his future endeavors: after all, if Moe wants to make the Berry Big Circus the best the world has ever seen, then it needs the world's greatest magician!

Epilogue

Gumshoe is on the telephone with somebody. They're discussing today's trial: it all went to plan. Not Franziska's, of course, but the person he's talking to. After he praises Phoenix's defensive skills, he tells Gumshoe his plane is about to leave.

Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth lives again.

What Really Happened?

Two brothers, Ken ("Acro") and Sean ("Bat"), were abandoned by their parents and adopted by a circus ringleader named Russell Berry. The two decided to repay him by becoming acrobats, and Sean developed a crush on Russell's daughter, Regina, teasing her by spraying pepper near her and causing her to sneeze all day. Wanting to impress her with a dangerous stunt, he decided to put his head in Léon the lion's mouth: Regina, however, tried to reverse-prank him by putting pepper on his scarf to make him sneeze. This had a tragic consequence: Léon sneezed and bit down on Bat's head, and when Acro tried to save his brother the lion attacked him, causing him to be paralyzed from the waist down.

Russell covered up the incident, killing the lion and saying that Acro and Bat had simply retired. Regina was none the wiser; she said that Bat had simply become a star, in line with what her father told her after her mother died. Acro was incensed by her aloof nature and eventually couldn't handle it anymore. He decided to get revenge by killing her: he told her to come by the plaza at 10:00 PM, ominously labeling her a "murderer", and placed a large wooden box with the pepper that Regina used right under his window. Russel Berry found the letter (it was snuck into Regina's pocket, and she put it up on the billboard thinking it belonged to somebody else). An enraged Russel decided to go to the plaza, and when Acro thought that Regina was passing by his window, he dropped a heavy bust of fellow circus performer Max Galactica out of it.

At the same time, Max and Ben are having an argument over Regina Berry, who they both wish to win the heart of. In a fit of rage, Max attacked Ben with a glass bottle and stole his puppet Trilo.. Russell called Max to his office and chastised him, but then the clock hit 10 and Russell had to meet the person who left the note: telling Max to stay in his office, but not before stealing a spare costume of his to travel to the plaza in disguise. Max decided to hide Trilo in Russell's trophy case to permanently shut Ben up, as the poor man can't talk without him. Ben saw Russell passing by and assumed he was Max, still despondent over losing his puppet.

Russell immediately died and the bust got caught on his cape, dragging it upwards to the shock of Moe, who had been woken up by the impact! As Acro pulled the bust up, the cloak created the illusion of Max flying away from the scene, and Moe was shocked to see "Max" flying away from a murder!

Thinking he had gotten away with murder, Acro decided to burn the cape and hide the bust under his wheelchair blanket: which would eventually prove to be his downfall.

THOUGHTS

I think it's genuinely fascinating how quickly JfA such a massive nosedip in quality from 2-2 to 2-3. 2-2 is by no means one of the best cases in the franchise, but it's still a very solid mystery with great characters and some awesome music. 2-3 has none of that. The mystery is incredibly outlandish, the music is grating, and the majority of the main cast are poorly written at best.

I'll go over what I actually like about this case first. Like I said, I genuinely do like Moe, and I think this case's art direction is incredible. It's my favorite looking case in JfA. Max's sprite when he's splaying his hand out and facing the camera is incredibly well made, especially for the time this game came out! The art direction team really went all-out with this case and it shows. I also really like some of the mystery: I think Acro in particular is a great culprit, and he's probably my favorite in JfA to be honest. I also love the reminiscence theme: it first plays when Moe is talking about Bat's accident, and it's probably my favorite reminiscence theme in the game. It's very sad but still has a kind of circus-like vibe that I think fits in very well for a tragedy at a place of joy. It's not SL-9 Reminiscence good, but it's better than DL-6.

I also honestly really like Day 2 of trial. I think the back and forth between Phoenix and Franziska is great, and I love Acro holding his own on the stand. The fact that Acro not being able to leave his room is the one thing that makes this murder possible is a really cool one, and I think it's a really cool way to bring in the traits that only he can have to make him undeniably the culprit instead of simple slips of the tongue or pieces of evidence: the smoking gun isn't testimony or a single piece of evidence, it's the fact that all the pieces of evidence only make sense if Acro can't leave his room! I also love how dark this case is willing to get: Acro is fully willing to murder a minor, which is something that only comes up very rarely in Ace Attorney but always makes a case feel so much darker and meaningful.

As one final note of praise: I love this case's ending. It wraps up everything very neatly, and I love how Edgeworth played a part in settling everything! Gumshoe in particular is honestly near his best in this case: while this isn't his best showing, he's a key figure in making sure this case ended up the way it did and he's a stand-out!

...But then we arrive at the obvious.

The love arc between Max, Ben/Trilo, Bat, and Regina is incredibly creepy and incredibly poorly written. Rather than adding a flair for the dramatic and making the case more interesting, it makes Max and Ben look like cupcake chasers (free cookie if you get that reference: and no, not the obvious one, but the person who coined it). I mean, seriously: Max is 21, Bat was 22, Ben is 31, and they're all lusting over a teenage girl? The jokes—and criticisms—write themselves and it makes this case incredibly uncomfortable to replay.

And that's not even getting to the actual mystery... which isn't bad. I think the core concept of this mystery, which is indeed a locked mystery which are my favorites for AA, is... good? I think it had a lot of potential. I think the trick of the killer's footprints not showing up being due to the murder weapon literally being dropped on the victim's head is unique, if not predictable. The prosecution's case is very flimsy, however, and that entire side of the case just feels rushed and not very well thought-out. The fact that a major part of the plot still revolves around a love triangle between men in their twenties and a sixteen-year old girl is incredibly off-putting and could easily be fixed if Regina was also in her twenties. This is compounded by the fact that this case is riddled with sexual innuendo, from Maya making a subtle dick joke (which, to be honest, I found pretty funny), to Phoenix wondering about Max's "bust", to Franziska offering to whip Moe after trial if he's into BDSM! Maybe it's my sex repulsion talking but I just find the humor incredibly flat: even outright disgusting and out-of-character at times, especially in a circus of all places!

Let's also talk about some of the surrounding details of the plot. How did Ben think Russell was Max? Russell was far shorter and rounder than him and had a massive mustache! My first thought would be "why in the world is he wearing one of Max's costumes", not that he is Max. It's an incredibly hard to believe plot-hole that, alongside with the downright creepy love triangle, makes this case incredibly hard for me to like. Also: THE CAPE LANDED ON THE BUST?! WHAT?! I'm sorry for not mincing my words here, but that is incredibly stupid and so offensively contrived that my heart actually hurts whenever I read it. How did it land on the bust? It was on his back! It was presumably clasped to his clothes! Phoenix, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Why does this work?! WHY? HAS I EVER?

Let's talk about the characters to move on from it! Regina is grating, Ben's gimmick gets tired very fast, Max is creepy; the only two characters I like are Moe and Acro, and even then they're examples that prove that the rest of the cast are among the weakest characters in the entire trilogy. They are not enjoyable, and even Acro feels a bit undercooked at times. The only one I enjoy on the whole is Moe, but even then... eh. I can't bring myself to say anything more than I think he's alright. I do think the clown being the most mature character is kind of funny, and I do like how he very clearly cares about everybody else, but like Regina and Ben I find his clown act very grating very quickly.

When it comes to non-case specific characters, even they tend to fall flat. I quite like His Honor's characterization here, especially with the way he tolerates absolutely zero nonsense from Franziska and Moe in the first day of trial, but Franziska feels a little out of character at times (such as offering to... whip Moe...) and Maya feels off, for lack of a better word. It's not game-breaking, but this is inarguably the weakest showing for any character in the game in my opinion. What I will say, however, is that I really love Franziska's characterization when it comes to Edgeworth. She's very obviously deeply hurt and incredibly embittered towards Phoenix about his apparent death, and even though she's not making that very clear it still comes across. This is a case that really reinforces that she isn't an adult: she's a teenager the same age as Maya. She's scared and confused, and if 2-3 does nothing else then it manages to really nail down that part of Franziska's character—and given that she's my favorite prosecutor, I love that. When it comes to Phoenix, though, he's just straight up mean at times. It feels like he just straight-up hates Maya at times, which is just... not Phoenix? There's still a lot of the best friend-level friendly teasing between them, but there's also times Phoenix just straight up insults her. When you find Regina's vest, for instance, he'll just straight up-tell her she's fat. Like, what the fuck, dude?

Anyways! I'm falling firmly into the court of popular opinion by saying that 2-3 is one of my least favorite cases in the entire series: it's in my bottom three and it is not particularly close. It's the Last Salute to the Commodore of Ace Attorney: I think it's very tiring and very weird, and the fact that a circus being the scene of a seemingly impossible murder has so much potential that was thoroughly wasted really hurts my heart. Unfortunately, even a standout Day 2 of trial can't save Turnabout Big Top from my lowest rating thus far and our first F-tier case.

Next time, we'll be moving on to the fandom's darling child: 2-4—the famous Farewell, My Turnabout. See you then!

Overall Rating: 1/10

FAVORITE LINES

"Ab-so-lute-ly... FABULOUS!!" (Absolutely cringe-inducing.) - Max Galactica and Phoenix Wright, in the detention center

"Your last name is 'Woodman'? *snicker*" - Maya Fey, meeting Ben Woodman

"'Ill-bred'!! Are you talking about the same Ben!?" "'Told her he was in love with her'!! Are you sure this is the Ben we are talking about!?" - Maya Fey and Phoenix Wright, after Max tells them Ben confessed his love to Regina

"I'm not even sure if this day hasn't been some kind of Kafkaesque dream... OWWW!!" "Now do you think it's still a dream!? Huh, Mr. Phoenix Wright!?" - Phoenix Wright and Franziska von Karma, after Moe says he saw Max fly away

"... You're joking right? You think the monkey has got proverbial 'game'?" "Of course. That monkey doesn't fake the funk on a nasty dunk." - Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey, examining a basketball hoop in Acro's room

CASE RANKINGS

Reunion, and Turnabout (7/10)

The Lost Turnabout (4/10)

Turnabout Big Top (1/10)