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akaashioppa · 3 years ago

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Promise Me?

pairings: baji keisuke x reader

summary: Baji promised you that you would have a great night. You, him, and Toman. He was out to have a good time too until the drugs came into play.

warnings: baji using drugs, curse words, angst, mentions of blood and teeth pulling. DONT DO DRUGS!

w/c: 1.6

a/n: Baji is a sweetheart and i know he’ll never do anything like this ☺️

A boy’s night was meant for the boys and only for the boys. The roaring sounds of the motorcycles, the blasting of the music did not go well with the anxiety that was soaring throughout your body. Baji being the crazy person he was, decided to bring you out to the club where all of the members of Toman would be.

You were standing near the game room with Baji’s hands firmly gripped around your waist. The sharp canines in his mouth were pressed against your delicate skin. The feeling of him kissing your neck all the way up to your ear was making you weak.

“Hey, I’ll be over there with the boys. You stay here with Emma.” He muttered into your neck, His husky breath invaded your personal bubble. The scene was making you intoxicated with him and you didn’t care. All of the worries about coming here tonight with the gang completely washed away once you saw that smile. He was actually happy and not grumpy for once. Usually, he was a pain in your ass with his sudden outbursts of rage or the way he’ll set something on fire just because he wants to.

“Okay baby.” You tried so hard not to stutter but Baji’s hand would accidentally slip into your inner thigh. The haze you were caught in finally came to a halt when his warm aurora left you. He stood by your side with his arms draped lazily around your shoulders.

“Yo, Emma, Watch my girl will ya?”

“It’s okay, I can watch myself, babe. Let her enjoy herself on the dance floor...Go with the boys.” You pushed him gently in the direction of the boys. That particular grin on his face caused your heart to skip a beat. It was the same grin he gave you when he first told you that he was in love with you. He also showed that grin when he was ready to rip someone’s head off of their shoulders but you didn’t mind. It was hot either way he showed it.

“Okay...I got you...remember that.”

“I trust you.” He walked off into the distance towards the bathrooms where two other men stood. It was quite odd of a scene since the other boys were in the arcade playing pool and cards. He was the only one in the dark part of the room...No, he would never do anything that could make you uncomfortable. He promised since the first day you guys met that he would never lay a hand on you or show you the demons within him. Baji always wanted to protect you from any danger that awaited and tonight was no different. He made sure that there was a member in every corner of the club so nothing would happen to you.

Emma’s cheerful scream broke you out of your thoughts, “Come on (Y/N) let’s go grab some food from the food bar I’m starving.”

“I could go for some sushi.”

You walked off from your spot with Emma’s hand in yours. There was a creepy feeling in the air, it’s been there since Baji left your side. He wasn’t with the boys which caused you to feel tense. Another reason was that he was still back there with those boys who now had something shoved up their noses. It looked as if they had tiny shovels in their noses.

‘There’s no way’

“Hey, Emma, Do yo-”

The sopping feeling of dressing on your clothes helps you come to a rest. You looked down to see that there was a big stain on your shirt. The person who did it stood in front of you with a look of fear.

“I’m so sorry, let me help you!” The man in front of you launched into action, he fearfully began to wipe your shirt down with the paper towel in his hand. The crowd around you only grew from curiosity. You tried to speak, you tried to get him to stop but the words that were processing in your head wouldn’t allow you to speak them.

Emma grabbed you from the scene. She caught the signal that you were giving out. It wasn’t hard to miss since you stood there in complete shock. “We might need some water. Here there’s a family restroom. maybe we can use the water there.”

“Don’t I know you from somewhere? I think we went to the same middle school.” The man asked, you took a long look at him before you realized where you had seen him from.

“Yeah...Aren’t you Haruto?”

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m still as clumsy as ever.”

“It was a complete accident. You don’t have to worry, I'm sure Emma has a spare top in her bag.” You waved him off, he seemed much calmer now that you were almost clean.

Bang

The bathroom door was kicked in. Baji stormed through the door with two unfamiliar guys with him. He completely ignores you so he can grab Haruto by his collar forcing his head into the mirror behind him. “So you’re the culprit huh? What the fuck is your deal?”

“Baji! Put him down, it was an accident.”

“An accident huh? Look at you, you’re covered in shit.”

Baji threw Haruto across the room. He scanned the room until he found the perfect weapon, pliers. He snatched the tool from under the sink making sink water spray out everywhere. You watched in horror, the laughter from the other guys encouraging him to continue his menacing antics, it did not make the situation any better.

“Can you please stop? You’re creeping me out.” Your voice was barely a whisper but it came out the stern. He seemed to have heard you cry out for him. His whole demeanor changed...he has more of a sinister feel to him.

“Why do you want me to stop? He needs to be taught a lesson. If not, then he will think that he can do it again.” He stood over Haruto with the pliers in his hand. He gave him a few kicks in the ribs just to toy with him. Emma tried to drag you out of the restroom but you stayed to face him.

He wiped his nose for the third time since he’s been here. This time a drop of blood followed behind it. You have been counting, ever since he left your side to be with those boys you have been observant of him. His sloppy posture, dilated eyes, his erratic behavior, and now he was having more mood swings than normal.

You tried to force the pressure that was forming in your throat away. You had to be strong, there were too many people out there that wanted to test you because they thought you were too weak to be Baji Keisuke’s girlfriend. So you put some bass in your voice and took a step forward.

“Are you fucking high right now!?”

He smirked, “What does it look like, baby?”

“You son of a bitch” You scoffed, you marched your way over to him giving him a firm slap across his face. A gasp could be heard from the background. You and he both knew that all of Toman was here to see what was going on.

“You promised me that you wouldn’t go to the extreme when it came to drugs! Look at you! You look like a fucking junkie, your fucking nose is bleeding and you don’t even care.”

He said nothing.

You reached down to grab the pliers only to be stopped by him. His strong grip from his hand wrapped around your wrist. “Get the fuck away from me”, he snarls.

You stare up at him and say nothing. The disbelief of him grabbing you and saying you engulfed your entire state of mind. He promised. You could only look into his dark orbs to see if he was actually being serious. It was no use, that demon he told you about was consuming him for the worst.

“You promised me that you would protect me tonight and yet you’re doing the most harm.” You placed a hand on his chest to feel his erratic heart beat. You knew what the white substance could lead to. His could actually burst if he got too excited.

He snatched your hand away from his chest,“I am protecting you! If only you’ll allow me to do my fucking job!”

Your hand was ripped away from Baji’s. It wasn’t him nor you.

Mitsuya pulled you into an embrace back from Baji. “The fuck is your problem Baji! Don’t you ever yell at a female like that! What the fuck!? Is this how you treat the woman you claim to love!?”

“What? You’d really think I’d hit a woman? I’m not your dad Mitsuya.” He stuck up his middle finger towards him with that annoying smirk on his face. “I’ll fucking kill you. Give me my girl.”

“I’m taking her home.”

You stood behind Mitsuya far away from Baji. You could see how badly he wanted to ruin Haruto. The blood lust in his eyes couldn’t fool anyone.

“Fine then. If that’s what she wants, take her home.”

“Don’t hurt him Baji. He didn’t do anything. Can you please just listen to me for once?” You were so emotionally drained from the situation that your words came out in a mumble. You knew what he was about to do. Your pleas would never get him to stop once his mind was already made up.

He chuckled, turning his back towards you. The walked over Haruto again screamed that he would murder someone who got in his way. You sat there with a blank expression watching your boyfriend shove the pliers into Haruto’s mouth. No one dared to stop him, some watched out of pure enjoyment.

Mitsuya pulled you out of the bathroom before you could see your boyfriend in that state but you could hear his disturbing laugh and Haruto’s pleas for forgiveness.

“He’s too high to comprehend what’s going on right now. You’ll have to talk to him tomorrow.”

“But he promised me…”

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deleteddewewted · 3 years ago

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Incel!Shinsou Oneshot: "Why are you acting like that?”

To keep busy I just thought that a oneshot of Shinsou getting self conscious/needy would be cute since we already have his redemption arc rolling in. The next part of the Incel!Shinsou series (Part 3) will have him proving his worth at the Sports Festival. So in thinking of how he will prove himself to you I thought of how will all of those people affect him, especially you. ( This oneshot takes place pre changes, so Shinsou is still his disgusting self but he's figuring out how to woo a woman, especially of your caliber.)

Incel!Shinsou Series:

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 2: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Incel!Shinsou Headcanons

"I know what you're doin' here. Made your intentions clear. Oh you, you terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Beautiful thing"

TW: Strong Language, Mild Sexism

People were never an obstacle when it came to the things Shinsou wanted. He’s aware that others would do anything for him if he played his cards right. The right words with the right question did wonders for him. So why the fuck couldn’t he have what he wanted when it came to you? You drove him up the wall with the kindness you showed him. He didn’t deserve it and you’re existence almost felt like a punishment from whatever deity that existed out there to make him suffer. You guys were suppose to be studying for your upcoming project that required a poster, a slide show, and one influential person that would help prove your projects point. You left him running circles within his own mind as to how you were so willing to challenge him. He wanted you to obey him not see through his bullshit. It wasn’t like you didn’t listen to him vent, or didn't give him attention, but he wanted to hold you under his control. To be the person you listened to.

In class you where both seated on the extreme ends of the room on opposite sides. You never realized this (you do), but his head would periodically turn towards your direction to look at you, to figure you out (liar). This time, you managed to catch him do it.

“What are you doing?” You asked plainly. You honestly didn’t care that he was staring, everyone does when you dress like you're attending an MCR concert in the middle of autumn.

“You look different....today.”

“Nice.” It was difficult to care. Shinsou was just some guy in your class that you had to deal with. Nothing special really....ok, maybe it wasn’t fully true. You didn’t really know him all that well or anything (Unless it was mocking and belittling everything you did, that was normal behavior for him so it wasn’t surprising to find out he was like that outside of campus.) but he wasn’t all that bad? If he cared for himself a bit more, hygiene wise he would be considered handsome or at least a competent human being (you weren't going to call him a man, men don't act this childish. At least the ones you knew.) Maybe then you would take his opinion seriously, but for now you’ll ignore his...interesting comments he's been throwing towards you today.

“It’s rude to ignore someone when their talking to you, you know?” The neutral face he had now possessed a frown and a furrow to his brows. You still couldn’t process how he took the time to make sure his hair stayed purple but didn’t care for his body odor. (This man dyes his hair purple yet cant bother to shower or use deodorant for once in his life.)

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just not interested in anything you have to say.” With that you get up and take your things and leave. There was no point in wasting time on someone who couldn’t even look at you directly and had to also sneak glances at you. "Do I really look that unbearable?" you thought to yourself. In the end you didn’t care anymore, everyone was entitled to an opinion and the last thing you need is feeling self conscious because of your out of place classmate.

Shinsou was fuming. How the fuck did you just get up and leave his ass while he was trying to complement you. You should have been more appreciative that he was giving you his attention for once. A bitch like you wasn't even worth it so he doesn't understand why he even tried with you.

He never goes directly home after school but instead to the local theater. It was one of the few places where he could be around others and could genuinely be himself. It was weird, he didn't feel like himself when he was speaking with his "friends", friends that he's never spoken to verbally, never seen, and never would meet. He knew that he didn't deserve this, to have a safe haven when he acts like an ass, yet here he was.

"Good morning Shinsou! How are you? Are you ready for rehearsals? You did remember to read your lines, right?" Shinsou rolls his eyes at his theater mates antics. Monoma never seems to stop but he does know when to tone it down and when it comes to Shinsou he tones it down a bit. (Because Monoma is canonically considerate of others, look back the Sports Festival and the Joint Training Arc.)

"Im good man, yes i did read and memorized the script, dont worry about it." What an odd friendship, the most chaotic gentleman like man out the bunch with the quietist incel in the group. Shinsou should have seen it coming when he was adopted by Monoma but he's running on 2 to 4 hours of sleep so he doesn't really care.

Believe it or not Shinsou does take showers (only for theater) but very quickly and with no care (no shampoo or soap, fucking why man.) Theater means more to him and so making his character look the best they possible can was his first and foremost priority. He puts on his costume, gets to makeup (the minimum, because it's "gay" for him to wear makeup and since the world is unfair and cruel he has perfect skin for a greasy headed asshole.)

"Everyone get a move on! Kodai, Tsuburaba, and Awase! Go to stage left! Light techs, how's it up there?" One of the tech heads shouted out. Shinsou and Monoma got to their positions on the stage and the rehearsals began.

Love, the play was about love. Love that wasn't rejected but also not accepted. He didn't understand the concept fully. Was it romantic? Platonic? Familiar? Admiration? He loved his dad, but he mostly admired him. He worked long hours and middle resents him for not being there for him, yet he realizes that his dad works to give him the world, a home with all the things he wanted. He never had a mother so he never had parental or familiar, again his dad was there but he wanted a parent that would hold him when he came back from school everyday. He didn't have a girlfriend, so he doesn't know romantic. So far all of his characters where villains, or evil in some way. He was starting to get sick of them. Shinsou wanted something more, wanted to play a character that wasn't how everyone saw him as on his day to day life. He wanted a challenge, he wanted....affection. Just to show it. He wanted attraction. Just to abuse it. He wanted...love. To just...maybe...feel...enjoy...understand it.

"You terrible thing you. My love, you're so cold. You've left me hanging on every one of your words. You've made me loose my self, lose my self-control because of you!" He pours everything into his performance, his loneliness, his regrets, his experience. He's been told by his co-performers and directors that he has a great future in the arts, in theater. If he just took care of himself more he would be an amazing actor, not only incredibly talented but also attractive. He would have the world kneeling, bowing to him just from his words alone. He could have anything he wanted just because of his existence.

" You've made me do things i don't want to do...for you." Kodai stands there looking horrified. He's covered in blood, the blood of her lover, the one she left him for.

"No, i-i didn't-"

"YOU MADE ME-MADE DO THIS FOR YOU! You terrible, terrible, terrible thing! You beautiful thing, I've done this for you!...and you still cant and won't love me." He doesn't see Kodai anymore. It's not her face he sees, nor her voice that he hears.

Its you...its your voice. You. You looking back at him while he slowly lowered himself to kneel and crawl towards you. It's you who backs away from him as he starts to cry and hiccup.

"You wreck me, you made me. You leave me in your wake, please let me go!" He sees you and feels you grabbing his wrists back, pushing him into himself.

"Don't you ever let me go...."

You terrible beautiful thing, you.

And here we are again. This was a lot fun to write since it feels more concrete when it comes towards his personality and his full thought process. In many cases people like Shinsou just want attention or some sense of validation, which there is nothing wrong with wanting those things but it's more about the manner you go about it. You shouldn't pressure or force others to spend time with you, but there is always someone out there that will like to give you those things.

Tag list: @blossominglark

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kiribakuficrecs · 4 years ago

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hello!!! im going on a very long trip at the end of april and I'm looking for some very long fics to download to keep me entertained! i dont care what they're about as long as there's no major character death or mentions of non-con. ur blog is a godsend ilysm and you do such a good job thank you so much 🙏

hi there!! i definitely have a lot of good lengthy fics i can recommend to you!

quote love unquote by newamsterdam

Sero nods. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, really,” he says. “We want you to date Bakugou, for the sake of his reputation with the press. Some public appearances, a few ‘candid’ photos. For at least a couple of months.”

“Bakugou sent you to ask me to date him?” Kirishima asks, baffled.

“Of course not. We, his people, are asking you to date him. He’s going to have to get on board, if he wants his career to survive. And in the bargain, Riot will get all sorts of publicity, because their lyricist will be dating one of the industry’s hottest stars. A win for everyone.”

When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.

acceptance and denial by poteto

It all goes okay when Kirishima decides to come out to his friends and it all goes wrong when decides that Bakugou is the best fake boyfriend material.

cause the darks not taking prisoners tonight by imatrisarahtops

“Are those soba noodles?” Kirishima asked.

Again Bakugou’s only reply was a grunt. He offered no further explanation—not that Kirishima honestly expected one—as though making soba noodles from scratch at half past four in the morning wasn’t at all a bizarre occurrence and made complete and total sense. For a fleeting moment, Kirishima even wondered if maybe he was the odd one here. Besides, he’d already decided it was generally not in his best interest to question these types of things with Bakugou, especially when it was something essentially harmless.

When Kirishima has a nightmare and is unable to fall back asleep, he accepts defeat and decides to study in the common area of the dorms. What he doesn't expect to find is Bakugou, also very much awake, and Kirishima can't help but think that maybe they're both having the same problems with sleeping. If he's worried, it's just because they're friends. (Right?)

the weight of your hand by kamin

That night, to the citizens, the explosions were a jolt of fear at every blast, but to the heroes and the students of UA, they were punches and swings, fierce fighting and loud strength. The explosions were the pulse of the battle, and the power of a boy that would never back down.

One after another, explosions set a chorus through the shuddering city.

And then, suddenly—the explosions stopped.

(In which Bakugou’s kidnapping goes a little differently, and just a few seconds could change so much.)

so take my hand (your life will be brighter) by multiclassmaps

When a stranger shows up at the ice rink during Bakugou's usually private training sessions, Bakugou expects to hate him. He doesn't expect to develop feelings that become increasingly difficult to deny, or for them to help each other sort through their emotional baggage. - Bakugou really didn't like Kirishima's smile. There was something about it that made his stomach hurt, something about it that made it difficult to focus. He definitely hadn't thought about that smile on his way to the ice rink that day. He definitely hadn't.

distance makes the heart grow fonder (false) by dragontrappedinhumanskin

When Bakugo and Kirishima get hit by a quirk that forces them to literally stick together or face the less then desirable consequences, how the fuck is Bakugo supposed to keep his crush hidden?! Well, turns out he never needed to.

-- “Well, this fucking sucks, how are we supposed to train?!” "Really closely?"

perihelion by tauontauoff

Bakugou was a comet, blazing out of reach. Kirishima knew he was stupidly lucky that his furious trajectory went by close enough that his fingertips got to graze the cowl of fire. It was enough.

During Christmas Class 1A and 1B spend a laid-back week learning about extreme environment hero work in the Alps. Kirishima was used to keeping part of his feelings for Bakugou hidden, and had every intention of keeping it that way, but things don't always go according to plan.

fight me by mr_todoroki

Bright red, spiky hair. Annoyingly bright smile. Clothes that radiate ‘look at me’ vibes. Neon yellow tank top with black shorts. And those were definitely crocs on his fucking feet.

Yeah, Katsuki hated this guy.

Bakugou gets a new roommate.

quietly by chezka

“We’ve been taking the same way to and from school for weeks,” Kirishima grinned, and then when Bakugou frowned at him he put on an affected pout, tilted his head so that he was looking at him through his thick, long lashes, “you never noticed? Am I that easy to miss?”

He could barely finish the sentence before a laugh escaped his lips, and Bakugou rolled his eyes, hit him with a shoulder a little more violently than necessary.

“You stick out like a sore thumb, broom-head,” he grumbled, promptly ignoring Kirishima's whining about his hairstyle when it started coming, “I didn’t notice ‘cause I didn’t care.”

“And now you do?”

everyone knows that cats are independent by purplepersnickety

Eijirou enjoys his job, working the graveyard shift at a 24/7 coffee shop. His daemon Riot is always there to keep him company, and he likes meeting the early-morning patrons and giving them the best possible kick-start to their day. It's been his routine for about a year now.

Then one day, a grouchy guy with a daemon in the form of a lion walks into the shop in the dead of night, and Eijirou decides to strike up a conversation with him.

punks not dead by wrunic

“So you want to use me to piss off your mom?” Kirishima summarized, raising one pierced eyebrow at Katsuki.

“Look, if you want to be all fucking judgy about it, I take cash,” Katsuki said, dropping his hand palm up on the table.

“Hey now,” Kirishima said, raising his hands in surrender, “I didn’t say I wasn’t doing it. I’m always down for a little chaos.” He flashed a grin, showing off his ridiculous shark teeth.

“Good,” Katsuki said. “We start tomorrow."

sent, delivered, read, loved by kiribakuhappiness

Kirishima E. [6.49pm]: ur okay for such an angry dude bakugou! :)

Bakugou K. [7.12pm]: FUCK YOU!

Kirishima E. [7.14pm]: haha! :D ttyl!

Bakugou K. [7.48pm]: FUCKING WHAT DO THOSE DUMB LETTERS MEAN???

Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: I JUST LOOKED IT UP DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME LATER!

Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: STOP TXTING ME!!!

- OR -

Bakugou's and Kirishima's relationship develops from classmates to friends to more, as told through their text conversations.

flicker by mr_todoroki

He was starting to feel depressed. Life was so uninteresting. It was so mundane and forgettable. He had no one to hang out with besides Kota, his family didn’t even live in the city.

He grew his hair out as some sort of rebellion, some sort of stand to make his life the slightest bit more interesting. But he could already feel himself giving in to the pressure of cutting it. He needed to work to live. Without a job, he’d truly have nothing.

Kirishima never applied to UA, therefore never became a hero.

let’s get down to business by kjelfalconer

Katsuki Bakugou, one of the brightest rising stars on wall street, is in need of a new personal assistant. Again. Could Eijirou Kirishima finally be the one to last more than two months?

Katsuki's long suffering HR department sure hope so.

something about us by bigstupidjellyfish

nothing like being in highschool and having no idea how to deal with emotions

fireproof by inkbender

Four years after a classmate nobody seems to remember is kidnapped by the League of Villains, Kirishima drags an amnesiac hobo he found washed up on the beach into his apartment, attempts to teach him how to adult (with varying degrees of success), and discovers along the way that the line between heroism and villainy is quite fine indeed. Plot-divergent after episode 45, the Forest Training Camp arc.

blood riot by magicallee (alternatively)

Kirishima from a universe with no quirks is mind-swapped with an alternate universe version of himself where there are superpowers.

And in that universe he’s a super villain.

And Bakugou is the superhero who caught Evil-Kirishima and put him in prison.

blindside by drowclericpelor

“You’re the first guy friend I’ve had that I can just like, be friends with. You’re either the most unthirstiest boy ever...” Camie shrugged and made another wobbly illusion appear between her hands. It looked like a sparkly rainbow with the word ‘friendship’ beneath it, accompanied by what Bakugou assumed was supposed to be a twinkling sound effect, but it had a tinny quality to it and sounded far away. “...or I just ain’t got the kinda straw you like to ssssip.”

Carefully, Bakugou considered the strange turn this conversation had taken.

He had never been asked, point blank, if he was gay before. And he honestly had never thought about how he would respond. Lying about himself didn’t sit right with him. But he’d always wanted to wait until he was the number one hero - when he stood above everyone else - before coming out. Though he’d had times when he’d thought about doing it before then and had almost gone through with it once. But being the number one hero came first. It wouldn’t matter what people would say about it then as long as he’d risen to the top.

Bakugou knew his lack of a response would give Camie all the answers she needed.

flour power by wingsonghalo

“I’m telling you now, Shitty Hair,” the blonde growled, “I am not gonna play house with you. We will cart this stupid flour around for a week like the assignment says. But some of our idiot classmates are naming the thing and setting up ‘playdates’ and dressing it and I am not doing anything that stupid. Got it?”

Kirishima and Bakugou are paired up to take care of a flour sack for a week. It would be so simple, except nothing with Bakugou is ever simple. Also Kirishima might be kinda sorta completely head over heels for him.

sunchaser by chonideno

that feeling when you suddenly want to jump off a cliff for no reason but instead of a cliff it’s your best friend and instead of jumping it’s growing feelings out of nowhere

or how Bakugou has to try really hard not to throw everything to the wind, and Kirishima doesn't help

i also have a tag specifically for fics that reach somewhere between 30k-70k words long if you wanted to check that out as well! i hope you enjoy the fics here and that i was able to help, ily enjoy your trip!!! :D

#kiribaku fic rec #kiribaku #answered

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whosaskingwrites · 4 years ago

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Glass Heart (Oikawa x Reader x Kageyama)

A/N: This was the only request that came in for the follower event which by the way I've extended so its still open. So thanks for requesting this it was fun to write! Full disclosure the Akaashi b-day one was supposed to be uploaded first but I haven't finished it yet so...Also I went a little feral on this cause its the first ever request on the blog 💞. I even added it a small thing from one of my favorite movie series. Also I don't know if this is exactly what you wanted but I did my best to fulfill the request. Some things are changed in it but this is the final product.

Details: 9.4 pages 3,305 words (she long)

WARNINGS: Mentions of blood, angst, heartbreak, there's a happy end for Mc tho, manga spoilers??? Kinda not really???

Date: December 7th, 2020

Theme: Glass Heart Syndrome- Similar to the Hanahaki disease, when a person goes through heart break it causes their heart to literally form into glass and break. It will result in the person never being able to love again or die through the agonizing process. The symptoms include dark cracks on the chest stemming from the heart that spread and grow darker the worse the heartbreak is, the victim becomes physically weaker, and they’ll cough up blood. (Taken directly from the request)

Sachi- means miracle. Thank you @msecchi for requesting 💞 hope you enjoy!

Nightmares.

That's what the doctor said to him. "You can't sleep because of the nightmares!" Thats what he was told by them. For ten years doctors told him its just nightmares. But he knew it wasn't nightmares no...He was being haunted by her. Dead and cold e/c eyes stared at him from the darkness as they dulled. A faint shattering sound accompanied it as he watched shards of glass fall.

His heart was cracked black lines trailed against his skin hidden under his shirt. It had cracked all those years ago when he thought she was gone. She had recovered though it was a miracle really that she had. After all he was there when her heart shattered.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa still looked at him with disgust. They supported him sure but they only supported him because they wanted him out of Japan. Iwaizumi didn't look at him the same either, there was always something hidden behind his gazes. He could take the anger from them though it was worth it to know she was still alive.

He loved her. He knew that, Iwaizumi knew it. For ten years he asked Iwaizumi how she was doing "she's fine," was the only response he got. Now he could see for himself if she was fine. The Olympics were here and he was currently on his way to Japan with his team. It'd been a long time since he'd been back. Almost nine years now but he wasn't worried. He curled into the plane seat shutting his eyes and trying to catch some nightmare free sleep...

___________________________________________

"Y/n-chan! You look really pretty today!" He threw an arm around the h/cette's shoulder pulling her roughly into his side. She stumbled a bit peering up at him through long eyelashes. "Can you let me go please Oikawa-san?" She asked shifting to pry his arm off. He held on though and gasped "Eh? Why Y/n-chan!" He shrieked and just like that his arm was thrown off her shoulder and Iwaizumi stood there.

"Dumbass she doesn't like people touching her!" He yelled flicking him in the forehead. He whined and rubbed at the spot "Iwa-chan you're supposed to be on my side!" Iwaizumi simply shook his head before turning towards Y/n. "So Y/n have you decided on a high school yet?" She merely hummed "I was thinking Shiratori-" "No you can't go there!" Oikawa cut off quickly throwing himself infront of her.

"...Can I finish my sentence?" She asked sending a pointed look towards him. "Please do," Iwaizumi supplied as he covered Oikawa's mouth. "Shiratorizawa but my cousin convinced me to go to Aoba Johsai instead," She finished sending a pointed look towards him. He pried Iwaizumi's hand off to speak "You're going to Aoba Johsai!?" She laughed then smiling at him and he felt his heart rate speed up in response.

It'd been a few months since then he was a third year now and her a sparkling brand new first year at Aoba Johsai. Since day one he'd been around her constantly. Walking her to her classes or sitting with her at lunch sometimes bringing her an extra piece of Milk Bread. Of course the team knew he liked her it stared them in the face everyday. He'd smile at his phone everytime she texted or his face would flush slightly when she complimented him. Not that she ever noticed but they knew she was falling to.

She no longer rejected physical touches from him she leaned into them instead. She always smiled at him whenever he appeared in her line of sight. She even started using his first name! Halfway through the school year everybody knew Oikawa Tooru and L/n Y/n were attached at the hip. Fangirls confessed all the time but he rejected them without fail thinking of the girl with s/c skin and e/c eyes. He wanted her confession but it never came to him. He got tired of the team making fun of him one day. They always picked on him so why should they be allowed to do it when it involves the girl he liked?

"Oh please! Like I even care about her! She's getting boring anyway i'll just move on to a new girl. One that's more exciting and not some bright-eyed first year," He had said crossing his arms and looking up indignantly. "Oikawa...You don't mean that," Iwaizumi said slowly looking at him. "Of course I do. She's boring now," He pushed refusing to crack under the pressure.

Of course how was he going to remember that all of this went down a minute before she was supposed to walk into the gym to watch him practice like everyday? He really should have remembered that if he had things might have gone differently. Practice had ended as usual though it had been quieter than he remembered. Something was missing and he knew it.

He shrugged it off as he left the locker room walking towards the front gates to wait for Iwaizumi with Y/n. "Hey Y/n-chan what'd you think of practice?" He waited a moment to see her rush around the corner in a flurry of excitement but it never happened. "Y/n-chan..?" Rounding the corner of the gate he saw the spot they normally waited in was empty no sign of the beautiful girl anywhere.

There was however a piece of paper trapped against the bars. It was a small thing easily loseable but the way it was crumpled and felt soft meant the paper he held was old and probably had been thrown away. He opened it slowly and glared at what he saw on it. 'Kageyama Tobio xxxx-xxx-xxxx' What were the odds he'd find his enemies number here of all places? Astronomically low he knew as he chucked the paper away.

Iwaizumi had come up then pushing him along while he struggled. "Iwa-chan! Y/n-chan isn't here yet!" Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "She went home. She was feeling sick today," He responded easily while Oikawa's nose crinkled. That was impossible he'd been with her all day except for in class. She was perfectly normal in every way today, he'd have know she was sick.

Maybe if he said something to Iwaizumi instead of keeping quiet he'd have seen her and fixed everything. Maybe if he had made them stop at the park like he did everyday instead of being consumed by his thoughts he might have seen a familiar h/c haired girl sitting with a boy that had blackish blue hair and vibrant blue eyes.

He might have seen the boy give her his jacket and a carton of milk when she started crying. Or how he awkwardly patted her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. But instead the duo walked on with him thinking about how to ask Y/n why she lied. Of course for the next two weeks he wouldn't receive a response since she avoided him at every turn.

Eventually though he cornered her right outside the gym after she dropped off Hanamaki's water bottle. He didn't question why she had it or the black and blue jacket she was wearing that was slightly too big for her. Instead he ran after her stopping her before she got to far. "Hey! Y/n-chan why are you avoiding me!?" He shouted towards her.

She and everyone else nearby stopped people whispered as they looked at them but he didn't care. He watched her turn and froze as dull e/c eyes met his own. "Just speeding things up. After all you said I was boring Oikawa-san,"

___________________________________________

He jolted awake sitting up rapidly as he tried to slow down his racing heart. "Hey you okay man?" He turned his head looking at his teammates who looked startled. "Yeah I'm fine...Just a bad dream," He smiled at them before looking out the window. Japan was spread out below them lights twinkling in the dark.

The smile fell from his face as they landed replaced with a sense of displacement and nostalgia. He gripped his bags tightly tomorrow he would be facing his biggest rivals on the court all to see who would win the gold. He didn't have time to think about what happened to the girl he used to know.

___________________________________________

"Wha- who said you were boring?" He asked stepping towards her. She took a step back in response "You did. Two weeks ago when I went to the gym. I heard you," His eyes widened dramatically as he looked at her "No- That's out of context!" He tried to save it but she just shook her head.

"Don't lie Oikawa-san," Her eyes became more dull as she spoke. "Don't- dont call me Oikawa please. Dont do that please," he begged reaching out towards her. She coughed then putting a hand up to her mouth. As she did the sleeve of the jacket rolled down and he saw them. The thin black lines trailing across her skin and decorating her pale s/c arm.

"Y/n-chan...," he trailed off as his eyes focused on her arm and the thin trail of blood coming from her mouth. She smiled but it wasn't anything. Only a slight twitch upwards no warmth behind it. "Its okay Oikawa-san you helped me you know?" He paused as he looked at her "Helped you..?" She nodded slowly "Yeah! You helped me realize that love is worthless so thank you," He could only watch in horror as the black veins spread further and widened being accompanied by a cracking sound.

Like someone had thrown a ball threw a glass window she collapsed at the same time a shattering sound filled the air. A girl nearby screamed as Y/n fell while someone else yelled for emergency services. "Y/n!" He was shoved backwards as Hanamaki and Matsukawa ran past him.

"What happened!?" Matsukawa yelled as he lifted her head. He looked at him while blood dripped from her mouth. "I- I don't know. S-she said she heard me a-and-," Hanamaki whipped around at that "She heard you!?" He stood blood had left a red stain on his white track pants.

"If she dies from this I will never forgive you," Hanamaki hissed. "Makki she's- she's not breathing!" Matsukawa screamed pressing a hand on her heart. Paramedics rushed into the area skittering around as the pushed Matsukawa and Hanamaki away. "What happened?" One of the medics asked. "Glass Heart Syndrome," Hanamaki answered back glaring at Oikawa as he spoke.

"We need to get her out of here right away! Lets go!" The medic had run back over towards Y/n helping to pick her up onto the gurney. They paramedics left quickly with her denying Hanamaki and Matsukawa's attempt to go with her. They raced into the gym grabbing their stuff before running back out. Hanamaki shoved Oikawa out of the way and down to the ground as they ran.

___________________________________________

He sighed as he jolted awake for the third time in a row. This was ridiculous she wasn't even dead so why couldn't he sleep without seeing dead e/c eyes? Guilt that's what Iwaizumi told him. He tilted his head to see the time five am was what the clock told him. He needed to meet the rest of the team at seven thirty so he changed and went running.

The streets he ran on seemed so familiar but so different to him. Of course he stopped at the nearby park it was similar to the one he used to stop at with Iwaizumi and Y/n. Those trips long since abandoned after what he did his eyes flittered over the park until they landed on a h/cette. His eyes widened as he looked at her so similar to the last time he saw her.

Slightly taller and figure slightly rounder perfect to him but it hurt to realize it was a pregnancy bump. The h/c hair on her head sparkled and her e/c eyes glittered with a warmth he hadn't seen in years. He began walking towards her almost starting to run until a voice stopped him. "Y/n!" He stopped immediately snapping his head to the side. Barreling towards her was a male with silver and black hair and golden eyes sparkling. He knew who that was...Bokuto Koutarou wing spiker for the MSBY Black Jackals and he was his opponent in the upcoming game.

He slunk closer and it was then that he noticed a little girl hugged to Bokutos chest. She couldn't have been older than five from what he could see but he noticed that running through the girls h/c hair were streaks of silver. He certainly didn't expect her to take the little girl from him and kiss his cheek. His shock was palpable when she reached a hand up to run through his hair. A thin sliver band with a small diamond on it glared back at him glittering in the sun.

Bokuto had lifted his own hand to run it through the small girl's hair the silver came through more prominently as well as exposing dark navy almost black streaks he hadnt seen before. The little girls head turned revealing a single e/c eyes. His eyes however zoned in on the gold band on Bokuto's finger. He was excitedly talking to her while she shook her head and started walking off. He watched Bokuto's eyes widen comically as the wing spiker ran off after her.

He stood frozen as he watched the scene anybody could see a cute family scene. That should have been him handing her their kid not Bokuto. But it wasn't him no it was someone else. So of course he called Iwaizumi to complain.

"Iwa! You didn't tell me Y/n was married to that- that wing spiker!?" He yelled into the phone while Iwaizumi scoffed. "One I shouldnt tell you anything about Y/n since you ruined that. And two thats not your business," He returned the statement with a scoff of his own. "Not my business? Shes married! You know what Iwa. I'll win her back," Iwaizumi laughed then it was laced with disbelief much like his voice was.

"Sorry you are gonna try to win back a married woman who has a kid and another one on the way?" Iwaizumi was right that sounded wrong out loud but he couldn't back down. "Yes! I'm gonna win her back from that Bokuto guy!" Iwaizumi snorted "Sorry how'd you figure they were married?" Iwaizumi asked with a laugh "I saw the rings and her daughter has silver hair like him!" He stated indignantly.

Iwaizumi did bust out laughing then "Silver hair? Must have dyed it then," Iwaizumi mumbled quietly. "Iwa what are you going on about?" He asked not being able to hear the male on the other line clearly. "Oh nothing just suprised you don't pay more attention to your sworn enemies," He called uninterested. "I pay enough attention to know they're on the same team and will be playing against me," He hissed and Iwaizumi laughed. "I gotta go. See you later Oikawa," He hung up and Oikawa sighed as he put the phone away.

___________________________________________

"Oh are you all here for Ms. L/n?" The team turned eyes landing on a doctor with short brown hair and hazel eyes. He was clearly foreign but they didn't have any questions other than about her. Looking at them all he could see the fear in their faces and sighed. "Well its a miracle really that she lived. One of the worst cases of Glass Heart Syndrome I've seen in years," Oikawa froze as he felt the numerous glares on his back.

"Thank you doctor...?" Hanamaki walked forward looking at the man. "McCoy. Leonard McCoy," He said holding out a hand. "Thank you Doctor McCoy. Can we see her?" Hanamaki shook his hand while the doctor sighed. "Im afraid not. She still needs some time to recover we're going to try some beta blockers but until we try them I can't allow you guys in just incase," He said turning back around and leaving just like that.

The next week was spent waiting for the news. It came during practice one day for them "The beta blockers worked. She starts school again tomorrow at a new school," Matsukawa said as he walked back into the gym. The team cheered in excitement "Wait a new school? Shes transferring?" He asked stopping everyone while Hanamaki scoffed "she lived which was a fucking miracle and now you want her back here at the school that she almost died at with the person who almost killed her?" He flinched at the tone.

___________________________________________

The game had ended with Argentina's victory them winning the gold. He smirked at the wing spiker on the other side who only tilted his head in confusion silver hair following the movement. Iwaizumi smacked him as he approached "Stop looking at Bokuto like that," He said with a sigh. "I won against him and now I'll do it again," He was determined as he huffed. "Also Iwa how could you! Did you even know they got married!?" Iwaizumi scoffed in disbelief.

"Of course I knew she got married. I was a groomsmen along with Ushijima and Bokuto. Hinata was the best man," He processed the words "Sorry did you say Bokuto was a grooms-," before he could continue his questioning the patter of running feet interrupted him. "Daddy!" He snapped his head to the side seeing the little girl again only this time his jaw dropped.

The girl was pulled into a pair of arms which he followed to their owner. Kageyama's side profile glared back at him as he smiled down at the little girl. From this side he saw her other eye was a vibrant blue shade and sparkled in joy. "Hi angel what's going on here?" He lifted the girls hair in his finger and Oikawa saw the silver band around his ring finger while silver hair slipped through his fingers. "Uncle Kashi took me to the hair salon while he was watching me! I got my hair done to match Uncle Bo!" The little girl threw her arms up with a smile.

"Eh? Why not Uncle Tsumu kid?" Atsumu had asked joining the conversation. The girls nose crinkled "Uncle Bo is better than you!" Atsumu threw a hand over his heart and gasped mocking hurt. "Sachi Kageyama what did I tell you about running off?" Everyone turned seeing Y/n walking over with her arms crossed Akaashi stood next to her carrying her bag of stuff a ring of gold stood out prominently on his finger. "M'sorry mama," The girl now identified fully as Sachi frowned looking down with big eyes.

"Sachi. Just because Uncle Bo's sad face doesn't work on me doesn't mean yours will," She tapped her foot twice and Oikawa felt it the black veins trailing on his skin getting bigger and darker. He could hear the crack in his heart as Kageyama leaned over to kiss Y/n. The two of them fitted together perfectly while Bokuto bounded over to Akaashi and threw an arm around his shoulders. "Alright we get it. You two and your miracle are cute!" Hinata claimed as he shoved the two apart.

Y/n laughed as she looked up her eyes flittered over the other team stopping on Oikawa for a moment. He froze under her gaze. The warmth in her eyes faded replaced by the same empty and dead eyes he'd grown used to. The group had headed towards the exit as he felt the cracks happen rapidly. The last thing he could remember was the loud sound of something glass shattering before he collapsed to the ground.

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#whosaskingangst #oikawa x reader #oikawa angst #oikawa tooru #kageyama x reader #kageyama fluff #kageyama tobio

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yslkook · 4 years ago

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#customer centric (4)

#corporate masterlist summary: you arrive in tokyo and spend a few days catching up and reminiscing. jin comes as well, with a few old friends that you haven’t seen in years. Or, you wander around the city visiting familiar places and go to a club with people you haven’t called friends in years. word count: 8656 warnings: cursing, parental death, discussion of mental health, lots of alcohol a/n: this is part 1/2 of being in tokyo!! this is the top i envisioned for oc lol

You missed Tokyo, and Tokyo missed you. The city itself brings bittersweet memories to you, memories of your childhood with your dead father and grandmother passing through your mind as if you’re watching a movie.

Your dad had brought you to Tokyo every summer when you were young, until you were about seventeen or eighteen. Tokyo had become more of a second home than a vacation place for you. You haven’t been here since college, about two years before your dad passed away. But despite that, it feels like home.

You can read, write, and speak Japanese fluently, which is part of the reason why you’ve been such an integral part of the team so far. The company’s sister branch is in Tokyo, and it’s not your first time visiting the branch, or interacting with your team members based in Tokyo.

You’ve wondered often, quite bitterly, if your fluency in Japanese is the only reason you’re even still on the team. Your boss and his boss at least trust you enough to be the responsible party for your team- there’s only one other member of your team here, Sana. But she’s relatively new, so the responsibility has fallen onto you.

That’s alright. You operate well under pressure.

You’re joined by your small knit team, Sana, Namjoon and Jungkook. Namjoon had managed to finagle with the budget enough that you could arrive a day early, on Friday, and spend the weekend in Tokyo before the workshops began on Monday.

And Seokjin would be flying in on Saturday morning with some of his friends. You’re grateful that at least Jin was coming. Whenever Jin makes these spontaneous types of trips, they’re bound to be eventful.

Monday and Tuesday will be filled with workshops, proposals and pitch meetings. You made Jin promise that he’d spend time with you during the weekend, so that you could show him some of the treasures you remembered from the city. Despite your many years of friendship, you had never been to Tokyo with Jin and you want to show him some of the places Appa used to take you to.

You’re excited. Even if Jungkook, with his big, sparkling eyes and his natural curiosity is coming along. Seeing him, even though it’s been well over three months that he joined the company, sends you down a dangerous path that isn’t fair to him or to you.

You have to constantly remind yourself that it’s not his fault and you shouldn’t be mean to him. It’s not his fault that your boss and his boss are out for your blood and refuse to give you recognition. But you can’t help but feel like he’s part of the problem that has faced you for the last three years. Part of the same awful old school, conservative mindset that so many of your peers were part of as well.

The leadership at your company needed a drastic overhaul, but you would be the last person to voice those thoughts out loud. Unless it was to Jin.

You know Jungkook doesn’t deserve your unspoken rage. You can admit that, but you’re not saint enough to channel it somewhere else. You’ve mellowed out considerably from the initial few months, but you could stand to be a little warmer to him.

After all, the way his bunny smile takes up half of his face when he offers it up to someone so worthy… that means nothing to you.

You arrive in Tokyo with your team at around eleven AM, and you check into your hotel rooms about an hour later. Jungkook and Sana had planned the logistics of the trip, from the hotel to the taxi service to lunch, dinner, and the company sponsored happy hour on Monday and Tuesday.

Because you were in Tokyo for work, you fully planned on using your company card to the fullest for the next few days. This company could kiss your ass, and you would be more than willing to spend as much as you needed to as a subtle ‘fuck you’. It was your version of flipping off your boss, for when he would have to approve your expense report sheet.

Namjoon had given you Friday to yourselves, to get acquainted with the hotel room and the area itself. Sana and Jungkook had done a good job with choosing the hotel- it has a wonderful view of the city from the rooftop, and being inside the sophisticated hotel with it’s hues of black and white and pops of color and elegance. This regal building screams opulence and you’re bathing in the luxurious feel of it all.

The diamonds of the chandeliers hanging high above you glint in the dim light of the lobby, bouncing off of the sleek, black piano and adding to the romantic air. Was this a love hotel? You scoff to yourself, keeping your head down as you exit the hotel and head in the direction of your favorite park, the Happo-en Garden.

When you had told your therapist that you’d be coming to Tokyo for the first time since your father’s death, she had immediately picked up on your hesitation-

“It feels weird to be there without him. Almost like the place doesn’t exist if he doesn’t,” You scoff, wringing your hands together.

“It certainly exists without him. And you do, too,” She says kindly, “Maybe you’ll feel close to him when you go there.”

And she was right, as she usually is. You sit alone at a freshly painted red bench with a box of street snacks, including some of Appa’s favorites. The sunshine glimmers against the still lake in front of you, hues of green fading to orange and red reflecting in the murky water.

This park was a favorite of Appa’s-

“We’re still in Tokyo, but it feels like we’re so far away. Right, sweetheart?” He asks, dark eyes shining. Appa’s hand tightens around yours and you nod excitedly.

“Yeah! Like we’re close to the princess’s castle!” You gasp.

“That’s right, but the only princess I see here is you,” Appa smiles and you beam at him, all smiles and sunshine.

The memory is from when you were maybe seven or eight years old. Everytime you came to Tokyo with Appa, you always came to this park. Specifically to this area, where Appa claimed that the sun shined on the leaves and the water in a specific way that made everything feel like magic.

You had always scoffed at him, especially as you grew older and the lines around his eyes grew deeper. But you still entertained him. You never saw that magic that Appa claimed to see, but now, you wonder how you could ever not see it.

A breeze ruffles through the trees, whistling as it threads through your hair and running over the water. The clouds part for a moment, allows a burst of sunbeams to spread over the water and you gasp at the sudden golden filter over the surroundings in front of you.

Another breeze, one from your left side, presses against your shoulder and your cheek. Almost like it’s whispering to you. You whip your head to the side, only to find nothing next to you. You feel like you’re floating, with the gentle caress of the wind to keep you company.

You eat your snacks in silence, embracing the way that it feels like the wind is Appa’s caress against your skin.

By the time you return to the hotel, the sun is beginning to go down and a bittersweet sort of happiness settles in your heart. You feel closer to your dad than you have in a long time- this city was bound to feel like home with its welcoming arms curling around you warmly. You had spent the better part of the day visiting old sights and places that you had frequented to with Appa.

It was peaceful, like a walk down memory lane. You could almost see your younger self bursting at the seams with joy at all of the new places. You could almost see her so eager to learn and demanding that Appa teach you Japanese immediately.

You wonder where that girl went. She’s lost, buried beneath layers and layers and maybe someday you’ll find her again.

Stopping by one of your favorite restaurants, you order all of your favorites times three. For your colleagues to have something to feast on when you returned from your day trip. You hadn’t been on your phone for most of the day, choosing to mute the group chat with your colleagues so you could truly be alone.

Once you approach the familiar blue neon sign of the restaurant, you send them a text:

you: evening all. dont worry about dinner, Im bringing lots of food back sana: look who woke up from her coma namjoon: did you put it on your card? you: of course i did. you dont have to remind me joon ;) you: want to have dinner together? jungkook: ya where should we eat Namjoon: come to my room, it’s room 1804 you: ok, be there in about thirty min

With your heart feeling full, brimming with fondness for your teammates, you pay for the heavy bags of food and make your way back to the hotel. You can’t help but smile as you walk with a little pep in your step.

“You should have asked one of us to help you,” Jungkook says reproachfully, taking half the bags from you.

Your arms ache, not that you’ll admit your stubbornness. You only smile sheepishly, “It was only a fifteen minute walk.”

“And this is a lot of food,” Jungkook muses, peeking inside as his doe eyes sparkle in anticipation.

“It’s our first team dinner in Tokyo. We deserve it,” You shrug.

“I also bought a few bottles of wine,” Sana chirps, dangling two bottles of red in her hands, “We deserve it.”

You laugh and she winks at you. Namjoon is already setting up the many boxes of food on the mahogany wooden desk in the corner of the room. The curtains are pulled back, affording you of a breathtaking view of the city lights and the now hanging moon high in the sky.

“The boss has the best view, huh?” You tease, nudging his shoulder.

“Jungkook picked it,” Namjoon shrugs, “I just wanted to share the view with you all.”

“How sweet of you,” You say sincerely, “Dinner with a view. That’s pretty romantic. And Jungkook has good taste.”

Jungkook’s ears flush at your praise and he covers his ears for a second. Not that you notice. You sit on the floor, across from Jungkook and offer to scoop food onto everyone’s plates for them. You ignore their protests and do it anyway, quietly asking how much of each they want. Sana fills up plastic cups with wine and labels everyone’s cup with a black marker so you can all keep track of them.

“How classy of us,” Namjoon snorts but says thank you to Sana.

“Did you bring wine glasses in your luggage?” Sana shoots at Namjoon, “I didn’t think so.”

You stifle your laugh behind your hand and shake your head. “Feels like college, if only those cups were red,” You joke.

“My roommate still uses red cups sometimes, for casual purposes,” Jungkook says softly, “It drives me up the wall. Like, can you drink out of a normal cup or what? I get flashbacks to beer pong almost every morning.”

You laugh a little harder at that, and the sound is sweet in Jungkook’s ears. He wants to see if he can get you to laugh like that a little more.

“I mean, we’re grown now. I can’t believe Taehyung sometimes, having his morning orange juice in a red solo cup. It’s heinous.”

Your eyes are overflowing with mirth, the sound of your genuine happiness echoing in Jungkook’s ears and he can’t help but smile in return.

“Morning orange juice,” You mutter, “That’s adorable. Taehyung? That’s the name of your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, “We did undergrad together and he’s an aspiring art gallery curator. He’s actually coming here tomorrow-”

“Wait, hang on,” You say after chewing through a mouthful of noodles, “Is this Taehyung, as in Kim Taehyung who you snuck into that bar with and he ended up getting absolutely hammered and stealing three bottles of alcohol? Before getting kicked out and Jin and I took you both home? That Taehyung?”

The fondness with which you speak of Taehyung unnerves Jungkook.

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods, “That Taehyung.”

“Sounds like a real class act,” Sana says dryly.

“Wow, I haven’t seen him in years,” You exhale, “I think Jin’s bringing some friends from college tomorrow, too.”

“Yeah, he mentioned a Jimin and a Hoseok,” Namjoon adds.

“Damn, Sana, maybe we should’ve brought our friends, too,” You murmur, teasing but honestly, you don’t really have anyone you would’ve asked to bring, “Can’t wait to see what this boys weekend brings.”

You fully anticipate that Seokjin will rope you into whatever shenanigans they have planned, and you don’t even feel bad about crashing. You make a mental note to let Sana know of whatever plans they invited you to, so that she wouldn’t feel left out.

They don’t ask where you were all day, and for that you’re grateful. The lines of professionalism are beginning to blur for you, and you don’t want to burden them with your feelings and problems. You don’t want them to think differently of you for trying to catch a glimpse of Appa in your memories.

Jin would say you were being silly, but you can’t help it. Maybe someday, but not today.

But Jungkook does wonder. Where were you all day? When the group chat was going off, you were silent. It was none of his business, but he’s curious. And he’s curious about you. You hadn’t changed out of your day clothes or taken your makeup off. He can see the nearly gone darkened stain of your gloss on your lips and the curl of your lashes. Jungkook keeps his eyes above your neck, knowing that if his eyes begin to wander he would be even more of a goner than he already was.

It’s September in Tokyo, meaning that it was warm during the day and somewhat chilly in the evenings. Your dark green long sleeved shirt is tucked into your shorts, complete with a black belt, leaving your tanned thighs on display. Jungkook thinks he catches a glimpse of a tattoo peeking from your shorts, but he thinks he imagines it.

Until your shorts ride up just a little and he sees an array of colors and the fleeting sight of a flower on your upper thigh. Jungkook swallows nervously and stuffs his face full of udon noodles without hesitation. If his mouth is stuffed with food, then nobody will look twice at him and he can keep his thoughts to himself and ogle at you in peace.

The logic makes sense in his head.

Your voice carries over to Namjoon, telling him that you’ll be picking Seokjin, Jimin and Hoseok up in the morning with the rental car.

“Hey, if Taehyung is arriving at the same time, do you want me to pick him up?” You ask, turning your gaze to Jungkook.

“Huh?” Jungkook asks. You roll your eyes.

“Taehyung. If he arrives at the same time as Jin, Jimin and Hoseok, do you want me to pick him up?”

“Er,” Jungkook says eloquently, “He’s actually been here for the last week. Thanks, though.”

You want to say that Jin would cause a scene and whine at you if you didn’t pick him up from the airport, the prince that he is. But you keep it to yourself- after all, he’s somewhat of a boss to Jungkook and Sana.

You nod in understanding and shove more noodles and meat into your mouth. You stretch your legs out in front of you and Jungkook doesn’t look away, instead allowing his eyes to rake over you shamelessly. Nevermind that Namjoon and Sana are right next to him, probably wondering why he’s staring you down so intensely.

The four of you spend the rest of the evening discussing your plans for the weekend, avoiding the topic of work altogether. It’s nice, you can almost believe that you’re all just four friends making a weekend getaway without the confines of work looming over your heads.

Namjoon offers to split the remaining food amongst the four of you and puts equal amounts of everything into each container for all of you to take back to your rooms.

And then Sana pours more wine for each of you and you feel yourself beginning to get more and more relaxed with each sip you take. You want to open your stitched together lips, tell them how it’s been so long since you’ve had alcohol with anyone who wasn’t Jin. You want to tell them that you like red wine more than white wine, but nothing beats soju-

“What’s your favorite kind of wine,” Jungkook asks. He comes to sit next to you on the floor, stretching his legs out. His shoulder brushes against yours and you feel something like electricity at the soft touch.

“Um… I like reds over white wine. But I haven’t had that many reds to say which kind is my favorite,” You muse.

“Guess we’ll have to try some more red wine, huh?” Jungkook says, his eyes sparkling and bunny smile on display.

Your heart warms and sputters at the same time.

“Yeah,” You nod breathlessly, “What about you? What do you like?”

“I’m not picky. I don’t really like cabernet,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, “Too bitter for me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” You giggle, unable to believe that such a noise is coming out of your mouth. Despite Sana and Namjoon having their own conversation on the other side of the room, it feels like it’s just you and Jungkook for a minute in your own bubble.

“I like a good chardonnay, too. Nice ‘n crisp.”

“Me too, I love that crisp taste of a good white wine,” You reply, unable to keep your eyes off of him for longer than a second. His cheeks and the tips of his ears are a pretty pink and you wonder if his cheeks are as warm as yours are.

“Thought you didn’t like white wine?” Jungkook murmurs, head tilting inquisitively.

“I prefer red, but if there’s white wine in front of me, I mean,” You shrug, “It’s not like ‘m gonna say no.”

“Oh? We’ll have to test that out, too,” Jungkook smiles, “I like soju the best. Nothin’ beats soju.”

“Yeah, peach and green grape,” You say knowingly, “The only flavors with rights.”

“Exactly. You get me,” Jungkook nods with wide eyes. He asks you about Tokyo, if you come here often. You answer him somewhat vaguely, but tell him that you grew up reading, writing and speaking Japanese. He looks impressed by that and the fondness in the lines of his lips startles you.

You chalk it up to the romance of this city making you soft and pliant to his doe eyes and the warmth of his smile. He’s so easy to get lost in- you find yourself leaning closer to him to hear what he has to say about his own travel dreams. He wants to go to New York City and Bangkok and Athens- the way his eyes light up constricts around your heart.

Every part of him radiates warmth and you want to be draped by it. He says something that makes you smile and laugh, and you swat at his shoulder reflexively. Jungkook only looks at you in that way. The way that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world. He’s good at that.

He has hearts and stars in his eyes for you and it makes you choke.

Maybe you had imagined it all because you remember where you are. You’re in your boss’s hotel room and he’s standing right there. Jungkook sees the spark in your eyes disappear immediately and you pull away just as quickly, as if the moment had never happened.

He won’t deny the sting, but you’re so easy to get lost in. The fog in his mind clears, and while it’s only been a few minutes that you’ve been alone. It feels like much longer. But Namjoon and Sana are still deep in conversation, his dimples on display and her smile bright.

You pull away but your dark eyes are still wide and focused on him, stars swirling in your irises and Jungkook thinks he might fall into this wonderfully brown abyss held in your pretty face. Finally, you move away from him on the floor, almost immediately missing his warmth. You look back at him as you move to get some water, the same curious look on your face.

Your face is burning, and you’re surprised you’re able to keep this cool for this long. The urge to bolt from Namjoon’s hotel room and back to your own is one that you have to fight. But instead, you stay planted where you are. Jungkook confuses you, you hardly even know him and you had let him get so close to you. It’s not something you usually do, but what unnerves you is how nice it felt. The closeness of him, his eyes on you and only you. Are you bothered by it?

No, you realize. No. You quite liked it. You’re supposed to hate him- he represents everything you hate. A young kid, a boy, raising quickly through the ranks of your corporate world, while you grasp at straws.

Does he? Does he represent everything you hate? What a load of bullshit.

You swallow again. You need to leave.

“Hey, Joon,” You say softly, touching his elbow, “I’m going to head out. It’s getting late and I’ve gotta head out early tomorrow.”

Jungkook’s heart drops. He’d made you so uncomfortable that you were abruptly cutting your night short. Because of him. He needs to make this right.

“I’ll walk with you,” The words tumble out of Jungkook’s mouth before he can stop them. His heart is pounding in his ears- he needs to apologize before you hate him even more.

“Okay,” You reply with a smile, “Here are your leftovers.”

“I’ll walk with you both,” Sana says, taking her bag.

With that, you say your goodbyes and leave Namjoon’s room to the elevators. Your head feels like static, a wave of thoughts congealing into something impenetrable. The doors ding shut, all three of you standing on opposite ends of the elevator. You can’t look at Jungkook, you can’t see his doe eyes. Not right now.

Sana calls your name, “Thanks for the food.”

“No problem, Sana,” You murmur, “See you tomorrow.”

And then it’s just you and Jungkook in the elevator.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says immediately, “I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. If you don’t wanna talk to me outside of work, I get it-”

“What?” You ask, finally looking at him. You take a step forward, close enough to him that you’re in his orbit. “You didn’t… You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Jungkook. I would have told you if you did. You just… confuse me.”

The last bit comes out as a vulnerable whisper and all Jungkook can do is nod.

“Goodnight, Jungkook,” You say clearly, casting him a look over your shoulder as you exit the elevator. Your eyes are guarded once more, as if the night hadn’t happened. As if he hadn’t fallen for you even further. You wash him away from your bloodstream quickly and Jungkook feels his heart aching once more.

By the time you pick up Jin, Jimin, and Hoseok from the airport and arrive at the hotel, it’s nearly noon. The car ride back was fun, dare you say it. It amazed you how Jin still remained close in contact with people you went to college with. It felt natural, talking to Jimin and Hoseok. As if years hadn’t gone by.

They were hot, and that was your first assessment when you had met them at the airport. Jimin and Hoseok had both embraced you in tight hugs, without any regard for whether you wanted one or not. You found that you didn’t really mind.

You didn’t know how you were going to survive this weekend surrounded by these many attractive people.

“We should celebrate. For this reunion,” Hoseok says.

“Jungkook is here, too,” You reply, “A great big university reunion right here in Tokyo, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you guys work together now,” Jimin says.

“Wait, you guys are friends still?” You ask.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Jimin says, genuine confusion in the handsome planes of his face.

You suppose everyone else is better at making and maintaining friendships than you are. It stings a little, having so many people from university in the same place. In the city that already holds so many memories for you. But you’ll embrace it, because that’s what you’ve been working on. Embracing change.

And of course, what was a boys weekend without a night out at the club? Jin had all but demanded that you come, in true dramatic fashion- I can’t go out without you, you know. I can’t believe you’re considering leaving me like this. I’ll die there without you.

It didn’t take much from you to roll your eyes but agree and tell him that you were inviting Sana.

“Go pregame and get ready with your boys,” You had urged him, “It’s so rare you all are together like this. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Are you sure?” Jin asked with uncertainty and you had only smiled warmly at him.

“Yes, Seokjin. I’m sure. I’ll be crashing the party soon, don’t worry,” You reassured him and he left your hotel room. He promised to text you when to come and you just nodded, shooing him away.

That had been nearly two hours ago, and you’re putting the finishing touches on your makeup with Sana getting ready in the bathroom. Music is playing through your phone and once you’re done with your lip gloss, you make drinks and prepare shots for you and Sana.

“You’ve gotta tell me how you’re friends with so many hot men,” Sana says, taking a seat on the bed.

You scoff, “I’m really only friends with Jin. The rest of them come with Jin, we’re hardly friends.”

“Oh?” Sana asks with a skeptical raise of her eyebrow, “You all went to school together, right?”

“Yeah… Something like that,” You say lightly, “Jin kept in touch with all of them. I didn’t.”

You leave it at that and Sana knows not to press further.

“They’re all nice guys. I always had fun with them,” You say fondly, “You will, too.”

“Cheers to that,” Sana grins, “We look hot. Let’s take a picture.”

“Should we send it to our boss,” You roll your eyes.

“Yeah, that would send him off the deep end. He’d be here in five seconds, dragging us out by our ears,” Sana rolls her eyes as well with a laugh.

You try your best to make Sana feel as comfortable as she can with you. At least so that she’s comfortable when you go meet up with the guys later. You know it can be intimidating being around people who are so close, but they’ve always been welcoming.

It begs the question- why did you let them all go?

You don’t have time to unpack all of that. By the time Jin texts you, telling you to come to his suite on the eighteenth floor, you and Sana are three drinks and two shots in.

You’ve drank more in the last two days than you have in the last year alone. At least that’s what it feels like.

You make sure to take your hotel card, phone and wallet and ensure that Sana does as well. Giggles erupt from the both of you when you enter the elevator, and excitement thrums in your veins. The liquid courage bouncing around in your veins makes you feel relaxed and you tug Sana’s hand out of the elevator once the steel doors open.

You text Jin from outside his door, you can already hear the loud peals of laughter and the beat of music through the walls. You wonder if they’ve gotten any noise complaints yet, but probably not- his room is the only one on this side of the hotel. He probably did this on purpose.

When he doesn’t answer your text, you decide to knock obnoxiously and Sana giggles at your impatience. On your fifth knock, the door swings open and you see Jin’s tipsy face complete with reddened cheeks and his broad smile.

He hugs you like he hasn’t seen you in years, he even lifts you off of the ground a little bit. Your heart flutters with affection for him as you whine for him to put you down.

“Jin!” You shriek, “At least go inside, dummy- stop embarrassing me-”

He finally puts you down and holds you by the shoulders to take you in. His eyes are sharp and he says nothing as he assesses your outfit, apparently deeming you as acceptable as he waves you inside. He says hello to Sana, who returns his mellowed out hug graciously.

Jin hands you both full cups, and you trust Jin enough to know it’s a yummy but strong drink. You grip your cup tighter and allow Sana to go in front of you. The last thing you want is for her to feel left out, so you want the guys to be introduced to her first.

Besides, they all already knew you.

Jin does the introductions quickly, the guys all warming up to Sana and bringing her in for hugs as well. Her cheeks are flushed, and you knew she’d feel flustered. They’re intense in their friendliness and it would make anyone feel flustered and warm.

And then their eyes land on you and you wish you could melt into the floor. Six pairs of eyes stare back at you- apparently Yoongi had also decided to come as well.

College reunion indeed.

You stay close to Jin, offering them a weak wave of your fingers and a smile.

“Hello boys,” You say dramatically, “Long time no see.”

“Jin’s been hiding you all to himself, hasn’t he?” Jimin says, not bothering to hide the way he’s looking at you. And you don’t mind, not really- you know you look good.

“I just saw you this morning. When I picked your sorry ass up from the airport,” You reply and Jimin pouts at you as everyone around you laughs at his expense.

“Still so mean,” Jimin murmurs and you roll your eyes.

And with that, alcohol continues to flow as the chatter continues on.

You cast another glance to Sana, making sure she’s not by herself. You relax when you see her talking to Yoongi and Hoseok, smiling to yourself at how quickly she takes to them.

“Hey pretty,” Jimin says, seeing you near the alcohol and joining you.

“Hey you,” You parrot back and he smiles at you in that sweet, disarming way, “Want a drink?”

“You always made the best drinks,” Jimin says, handing his cup over to you. You ignore the way your chest tightens at his use of past tense.

“Maybe you just never knew how to make drinks,” You murmur, “Probably still don’t, huh?”

Jimin laughs lightly at that as a silence falls between you both. “You look good,” Jimin exhales, “You doin’ alright?”

You never know what to say to that. “Yeah. You look good, Jimin. You doin’ alright?”

“Yeah. I’m still in Seoul at the dance school. Don’t be such a stranger,” Jimin murmurs and before you can protest, he pokes your forehead affectionately.

“You’ll ruin my makeup,” You complain but give him a small smile, “Jimin. ‘M glad to see you. All of you.”

Jimin looks like he wants to say something more. But he bites his tongue. This isn’t the place to pick a petty fight, so he lets it go. Jungkook approaches you both, resting his arm on Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin groans dramatically and Jungkook only offers him a smile and a giggle.

“Cup’s empty,” Jungkook says, wiggling his cup to both of you, “Stop hoggin’ the alcohol.”

“Blame Jimin. Everything’s his fault,” You tease and Jimin rolls his eyes at you both.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jungkook grins and Jimin slips out from under Jungkook with another roll of his eyes. “Hey, you met Taehyung yet? My roommate? You ‘member him?”

His eyes are slick with alcohol, and yet they still sparkle at you like you hold all of the answers to the universe in them. He has this way of making you feel like you’re the only person in the world. It unnerves you, like many things about him do.

“No, where is he?”

Jungkook shouts for Taehyung to join him and you wince. All of a sudden his sandy haired roommate pops up from the direction of the living area and joins you at the drinks table. He looks a far cry from the boy you had driven home that night many years ago.

You knew being in the presence of so many attractive people was going to kill all of your brain cells by the end of the night.

Taehyung calls your name and nerves seize you inexplicably.

“You remember me?” The words escape your lips before your brain has a chance to stop them.

“Course I do? The pretty girl who saved Kook and I at that one bar that I’m still banned from?” Taehyung grins, his eyes sweet and sincere.

“Jin was with me too, don’t forget him,” You say dryly, “Nice to see you again after all this time. And you’re Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Unfortunately,” Jungkook chimes in, earning him a laugh from you.

Taehyung is magnetic when he speaks to you, honey dripping from his tongue as he tells you about his journey as an aspiring art museum curator. Passion lights up his dark irises, his smile matching the intensity of it and you’re certain he has this effect on everyone he speaks to. They’re both so close to you, in your bubble and the scent of their cologne wafts into your nose.

You drink more. You don’t know how to cope with all of this. So you drink.

Jungkook tells you that they’ve been roommates all through graduate school and they had recently moved into a new, bigger place. Now that they were both making a little more money. You find yourself benignly jealous of the life they live- two close friends living together and living for these kinds of nights with their other close friends. The bond they built and strengthened over the years is obvious in the way Taehyung holds Jungkook close, the way Hoseok lights up the entire room and makes everyone smile just because he’s smiling, the way Yoongi and Jimin bicker like an old married couple… Namjoon has already slotted himself within the group. Jin probably introduced him to them a while back, you realize.

Jungkook excuses himself to use the bathroom, leaving his cup next to Taehyung on the table. Taehyung’s gaze makes you nervous- the shift in his eyes is apparent as he lazily rakes his eyes over you.

“Kook told me he was workin’ with you again,” Taehyung murmurs, “What he didn’t tell me was how pretty you are.”

“What a line,” You say flatly and roll your eyes. To your surprise, he laughs, his smile making you smile as well.

“Just bein’ honest,” Taehyung shrugs, “‘Snot everyday you see our hot grad school girl after five years.”

“You’re full of it,” You roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully, “‘Our?’”

“Jungkook was-” Taehyung starts but he’s interrupted by the man himself. Jungkook was what?

“You talkin’ about me?” Jungkook says, elbowing Taehyung. Taehyung only shakes his head and hands him his cup, before excusing himself. He throws you another charming smile and if you weren’t so on edge, your knees might have buckled.

“He’s…”

“A pain in the ass?” Jungkook supplies, “Yeah.”

“No, I was gonna say he’s interesting,” You laugh. A short silence settles between you both, giving you a moment to really take him in. You itch your chin nervously before pushing your lips to the rim of your cup and watching him.

You’ve always known that Jungkook was somehow handsome, sexy and cute all at the same time- wide, doe eyes, pinchable cheeks, pretty smile, and then his body… His thighs strain against the tight material of his pants and you’re certain it’s deliberate. His button up shirt is loose but still molds to his muscles in that way where it leaves you wanting more. His shirt is buttoned at the elbow, giving you a peek to the smattering of tattoos on his forearm. His dark hair is parted in the middle, all soft and shiny, and a little long. It settles over his forehead, almost in his eyes, effortlessly. Two hoops in each ear glint in your direction and you swallow nervously.

Jungkook catches you looking at his tattoos- how ironic, considering he’s doing the same of you. The satin black top you’re wearing has a plunging neckline, giving him a view of the tattoos stemming from your upper arm to your clavicle.

It also offers him a teasing hint of your bare chest where if you turn to the side just a little, he catches a glimpse of even more. It makes him swallow, just as nervous as you. The top itself is loose, only cinched a little at the waist but your pants are tight, your strappy heels adding even more dimension to your legs.

You nervously twist the layering of gold necklaces around your neck. Jungkook has always thought you were beautiful, but he’s never seen you like this. Not even when he knew you years ago.

“Your cup’s empty again,” You laugh nervously, offering to make him another drink. You don’t know what to do with your hands, wanting to keep busy.

“Oh,” Jungkook breathes, “Yeah.”

He tries to keep his eyes on your hands, really he does. But you bend forward just a little and his eyes immediately flit to your plentiful chest.

Jungkook thinks he might die, and what a way to go.

You pull away from the table, handing him his drink and he thanks you quietly. Jungkook ignores the way your eyes shine curiously at him, and he buries himself in the confusion fuzzing up his mind.

Jin, to your relief, pulls you away from Jungkook before you can do something incredibly stupid. Like let him burst through your carefully structured walls even further than he already has.

Typically, clubs are not your favorite place to be. The intense crowd, the neon lights, the smoke… It’s all over the top. Usually, you can’t even hear yourself think over the music. Though, you don’t mind the sense of anonymity in such a crowded place. Besides, you’ve heard great things about IBEX, so you’re curious about it.

It’s a huge place, easy for everyone to split up, but still small enough that you can easily find your group. You urge Sana to go have fun with the guys as you order a round of drinks for everyone. As one of the oldest of your friends, you felt that sense of responsibility for them. Even if you hadn’t called them friends in years.

You signal them over once the drinks are ready, catching Namjoon’s eye and beckoning him over. They slowly begin to surround you, shouting thank you’s over the music. Jimin slings his arm around your shoulders as if it’s nothing. As if he’s known you for all this time.

It makes you feel warm. He gazes at you with crescent eyes and a full smile. It makes your heart thump heavily in your chest.

“Cheers,” Jimin says, tearing his eyes away from you and towards the group. His toast elicits a sequence of ‘cheers’ from everyone. You scan across all of them before your eyes inevitably land on Jungkook. He’s looking at you with a smile, the kind of smile that makes you wonder if it’s a smile only for your eyes.

Your smile matches his in intensity, neither of you pulling your gazes away. Until Jin pulls you away from Jimin, exclaiming that he needs to dance with you. His best friend.

The moment passes, and you make sure Sana is okay. She’s conversing with Yoongi now, and he’s laughing at something she’s saying. It makes you feel warm. Again.

You allow the music to pump through your veins as laughter bubbles from your lips freely at Jin’s antics. You entertain him, copying his coordinated movements with his same enthusiasm. You can tell he’s drunk, from the fiery flush in his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He abruptly pulls you close to him for a tight hug and holds your face in his hands.

“Jin,” You giggle, “What you doin’?”

“I love you,” Jin giggles, “Y’r my best friend, ‘n I love you.” He always got like this when you were drunk, so affectionate. You wonder how he knows exactly what you need to hear, when you need to hear it.

“Can’t wait for you t’meet Yuna when we get home,” Jin slurs.

“I’m excited, too-”

“She’s nervous y’know,” Jin continues as if you hadn’t said anything, “Knows y’r my best friend.”

“Jin,” You exhale, “Even if she doesn’t like me, you clearly like her. I shouldn’t matter-”

“No,” Jin says sharply, “Why d’you think you don’t matter? You matter to me.”

“Jin-”

“Stop it,” He silences you and you comply with a sigh.

“She doesn’t have to be nervous around me,” You finally say.

“You can be a little scary when you want to be,” He teases.

“That’s exactly how I want to be known,” You scoff and Jin laughs, swaying with you offbeat to the music. You stand with Jin like that for a few minutes, sipping on your drink and giggling at his antics.

“Seokjin,” You murmur, voice a little shaky, “I never say it but… I-I love you. So much. You’re my best friend and my rock. I don’t know who I’d be without you-”

“You’d be you,” Jin says without missing a beat, “You’d be scary, intense, kind, genuine, petty, funny and beautiful with or without me, sweetheart.”

Jin sees wetness in your eyes and pulls you in for another hug. “None of that,” Jin murmurs, “Hey, let’s take a picture ‘n send it to Grandma. She’ll get a kick out of that.”

You stand in Jin’s arms, in the crowd of people surrounding you and not paying attention to you. Despite the throng of people around you, it feels like it’s just you and Jin, and your friends in the club.

“Let’s get back to our friends,” You say, “They probably think we’re making out-”

“You would be so lucky,” Jin scoffs, “Only Yuna gets this handsome face.” You pinch his cheeks affectionately and coo at him.

“Hey, by the way,” Jin says, “Not to be totally unprofessional here. But I’m pretty sure Jeon Jungkook has the hots for you. Kid won’t stop lookin’ at you. Not that I can blame him, I mean look at your tits.”

With that statement, Jin walks away from you, leaving you confused and curious- two words becoming increasingly common with your thoughts of Jeon Jungkook.

“Hey pretty,” comes a sweet voice to your right side. You already know it’s Jimin before you meet his sincere eyes.

“Hey you,” You reply, “Wanna dance? We used to always be in sync.”

If Jimin is surprised he doesn’t show it. He only takes your drink and finishes it, placing it on a high table near you. He walks behind you, a hand on the small of your back as you weave through the crowd easily. Bodies push back into you but you only dance along with them to move past. Jimin pulls you closer to him once he finds a spot, pulling you into his side. He turns you so that you’re facing him, the lights of the club illuminating the sheen of his lips and the shine in his eyes. You push a stray strand of his silver hair back behind his ear.

“I meant it you know,” Jimin murmurs, for your ears only, “You look good.” You lean into him at his praise, a hand on his chest. Your nails press into the soft material of his dress shirt and he tightens his grip around your waist, thumbs rubbing circles.

“You do, too,” You reply easily, “You always did.”

Jimin scoffs but you look at him earnestly. “I mean it,” You say with a smirk, mimicking his words. He says nothing, only holds you and rolls his hips into yours to the beat of the music. He watches you carefully, trying to gauge your reaction. You snake a hand to the base of his neck and lightly scratch as he presses his nose to your neck. You’re lucky he’s holding you tight- you’re certain you’re knees would buckle if it weren’t for him.

It’s been years since anyone danced with you like this. You let out a soft sound into his skin and Jimin groans, pressing his hips into yours even more slowly if possible.

“Why’d you leave,” Jimin breathes into your skin, “Missed you. Missed my friend.”

“I was a mess,” You mutter, “I’m still a mess.”

“You’re here now?” He asks, looking at you with big eyes. Jimin cups your face tenderly, and you’re not sure how many of these kind touches you can take for one night.

“Yeah,” You say faintly, “I just… couldn’t. I still can’t.”

You won’t apologize for mending your own cracks the way you needed to. And Jimin knows that. “Don’t be a stranger,” Jimin says and pulls you in for a hug.

“Jimin,” You mumble, “I missed you, too.”

Barely stifling a yawn, you look around for your group. They’re all within eyesight of you- Sana and Yoongi were still engrossed in conversation with each other, Namjoon with Jin, Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyung with Jungkook. Taehyung casts a look over to you and immediately whispers to Jungkook. It shouldn’t surprise you that they both saunter over to you, standing on either side of you. Taehyung wraps an arm around your shoulders and leans against you as if you’re old friends. At this angle, you can see the expanse of his tanned, golden skin since the top few buttons of his shirt are popped.

“See somethin’ you like?” Taehyung asks coyly with a wink.

“No, just wondering why you’re wearing tinted aviators inside,” You mutter, pointing at him, “You look like an asshole.”

Taehyung laughs, throwing his head back good-naturedly, “You clearly don’t know fashion. You must think you’re hilarious.”

Before you can retort, a yawn overtakes you. “Are we boring you?” Jungkook teases.

“No, ‘m just tired,” You blink to force yourself to stop yawning, “Hey, you guys wanna get ice cream?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says instantly.

Taehyung nearly snorts but agrees. By the time you and Jungkook say your goodbyes, and you ask for the tenth time if Sana wants to come with you (she declines, opting to stay with Yoongi), Taehyung is nowhere to be found. Jungkook rolls his eyes, his phone vibrating with a text from him-

taehyung: you’re welcome

“Tae’s not coming,” Jungkook says slowly, wondering if you might change your mind if it’s just you two getting ice cream.

You shrug, “His loss. I know a great place.”

Taking Jungkook to one of your favorite ice cream places that you used to come with Appa to feels intimate. But it feels right and you’re not bothered by it. Once you buy your respective cones (you pay for both before Jungkook can even fumble for his card), you head back outside for a short walk towards the hotel.

The ice cream place itself was close to the hotel, though you had to Uber here from the club. It’s a nice night for a walk, a little chilly but not uncomfortably so. You and Jungkook fall into an easy conversation, talking about the silliness of your shared friends.

He looks nice under the moonlight, you decide. A light breeze lifts his hair up briefly before it flawlessly settles over his forehead.

“I can’t keep up with you,” Jungkook whispers, his words carrying into the night air.

“What do you mean?” Your heart picks up immediately at the anguish in his tone. The air between both of you shifts immediately. What was easy becomes hardened, the space between suffocating you. You can physically see him pulling away from you. Months, or maybe years, of frustration seems to be coming to a head right here. Right near your favorite ice cream shop.

“One sec you hate me. The next, you’re asking me to get ice cream with you,” Jungkook says, something familiar and icy curling in his brown irises. It always looks so off-putting, the callousness in his eyes. It seems to be directed at you so often these days.

“I don’t hate you-”

“You avoided me for 2 and a half months. You’re only talking to me now because you have to!”

“That’s not true-”

“Oh, really? You telling me that you the last two and a half months was all in my head?”

You stay quiet, because he’s not wrong.

“That’s what I thought,” Jungkook says to himself, tearing his eyes from you. The cold look in his eyes has returned and it makes your heart ache. He can’t look at you like that, you can hardly bear it.

“I’m fucked up, I get it. Don’t think I don’t get it-”

“You left. Without a goodbye and now fuckin’ five years later- my dream girl’s my colleague and she hates me.”

A sudden, chilling epiphany douses you- he has no idea why you left. You know him well enough to know that he’ll feel awful once you tell him. Apparently none of his friends had told him. Maybe they thought it was your story to tell. It’s not much of a story, not really. It’s the story of a heartbroken girl with commitment issues.

Your face drops. Maybe he’s hurting you the same way you hurt him. But it changes nothing.

“You can’t even look at me now!”

“You listen to me, Jungkook,” You hiss, “I’m not your dream girl. I’m nobody’s dream girl, so let’s get that straight. I’m awful a-and terrible and mean- and…

“My dad died,” You finally whisper, “Appa died and I couldn’t handle grad school so I dropped out. Dropped off the face of the earth. Got the first job I could, for Grandma and me.

“I fuckin’ dropped out, my daddy died and I can’t look at you sometimes because it fuckin’ reminds me of when I was happy and I can’t chase that feeling because I don’t know what it feels like anymore!”

Jungkook’s eyes are wide, pretty pink lips parted in speechlessness. Fuck. You’ve ruined any chance at friendship with him, you know that. So you bury the dagger even further in whatever this is and you turn on your heel and run. Because that’s all you’re good at. Running. Your eyes are blurry with freely falling tears and the sound of your own heaving sobs are loud in your ears.

You leave your heart out on the streets of Tokyo, near your favorite ice cream shop but you don’t even hear the sound of Jungkook chasing after you.

#jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts x reader #bts fic

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mrsalwayswritex · 5 years ago

Text

Call Me Fighter

A/N: Good news everyone! I remember where I got these pictures! /benhardyig on instagram posted these a few days ago and I got the inspo for this! Also the song I used for the title is one of my husbands favorites so you should give it a listen! Side note, Im not really sure how Im feeling about most of this so hang in there and let me know how it was!

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Platonic Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4900

Warnings: Fighting (fairly detailed? Im not sure?), swearing, lying, i dont know what else?

Song: Call me fighter by Matt Beilis

She wasn't sure if he knew that she knew, but she did. Y/n was always smarter than he gave her credit for. Did he really think that she would believe him?

“Went ass over tit on my bike last week”

“Dropped my damn phone on my face”

“Bar fight, truly heroic”

The excuses he was giving her were getting more and more ridiculous, she wished that he would tell her already so she could stop hiding the fact that she knew. Ben and Y/n had been friends for years, and she knew him better than he knew himself. Y/n could remember back in grade school when Ben would get into fights, countless fights for no reason, so when he started sporting a new bruise every week, she had a feeling about what was happening.

Y/n wasn't proud of how she found out, but he had given her no choice, the more and more he lied to her, the more she had to find out the truth. It was just a few weeks ago that Y/n could hear shouting coming from next door, where Ben lived, and she listened closely but could only hear his voice. Years prior, the two of them had both been house hunting, Y/n found a duplex for sale and she knew instantly it was going to be perfect, so together, they bought it and each took a side.

“I'll be there, I SAID I'LL FUCKIN’ BE THERE!” Y/n heard his voice booming through the walls, followed by the sound of Ben stomping around his house before his front door slammed closed. Ben hardly ever even raised his voice to her, so hearing his shout like that had caused her to worry immediately. She grabbed her jacket and poked her head out the door, seeing Ben’s retreating form headed down the street. Y/n pulled her hood over her mess of hair and walked slowly, following him carefully.

Following Ben felt like a betrayal to their friendship, but she had seen how he came home last week, she needed to know what was happening to him. When Y/n saw him walk into an alley in the warehouse district, saying she was confused would have been an understatement, but she followed nonetheless.

Y/n was not at all prepared to see a line of people standing at a metal door, but watch Ben walk right past them and go into a second door. The line was moving quickly so she just stood in the back of the line until she made her way to a man with arms bigger than her head. “Twenty buck admission, sweetheart.” The large man’s voice boomed, and she frantically patted her pockets, grinning widely as she found a twenty in her jeans pocket, handing it to the man and being ushered inside.

The lights in the large warehouse were sparse and dim, casting shadows on the walls. Y/n stepped carefully over the trash littered floor, careful to avoid the men standing around in small groups and talking in hushed voices with their eyes darting around nervously. She kept her hood pulled over her head as she quickly scanned the room, unable to see Ben at all. I watched him walk in here, I know he is here somewhere, she thought to herself. As she got closer to the center of the large room, she saw a rather large cage with only one door and a mat inside. Y/n couldn't help the nauseous feeling in her stomach as she looked around the inside of the cage, seeing what had to be blood, splattered everywhere.

Y/n’s attention was pulled from the scene by a man’s voice over a speaker, “Make your final bets, ladies and gents, our fighters are almost ready.” Heart pounding at the words, Y/n looked around frantically, hoping to catch Ben’s face in the crowd, the nausea getting worse as her thoughts raced. Letting herself get moved back, away from the cage, she nervously chewed at her thumbnail, something she hadn't done in years. Her heart stopped and her jaw hung open wide when she saw Ben walking from the crowd, shirtless but with taped up hands, and stepping into the cage. Her hands flew to cover her mouth quickly and though she was sure she made a noise, it was drowned out by the cheering of the crowd.

His face looked hard and tough from here, but Y/n knew Ben better than anyone else, she could see the worry and the sadness behind his eyes. She had spent most of her time there in tears, her heart breaking more and more with every hit that landed on Ben. She wasn’t even able to stay for the whole fight, running out of the building and not stopping until she was on her shared porch. That night when she heard Ben get home and tap on the shared wall, like they had done since they moved in, she ignored it. She couldn’t face him, knowing he would just feed her another excuse.

Y/n had followed Ben three more nights, out of morbid curiosity she guessed, and had left before the fight was over every time. Everytime she would wait for the tap on the wall when he got home and would stay silent. Y/n realized what the taps meant now, I'm home and safe. Ben may not have told her what he was doing, but at least with the taps, she knew when he was home. Weeks went by with Ben leaving the house at odd hours and coming back late, tapping the wall and then they would meet in the morning for coffee like always with some kind of fabricated story. She hadn't gone to another fight in weeks.

Today, though, Y/n paced around her living room for hours. Ben had left hours ago and he still wasn't home, which made her stomach turn. She waited only another ten minutes and then she was grabbing her jacket from the hook and slamming the door behind her as she ran quickly to the warehouse. Once she was inside, she saw a bigger crowd than she had ever seen before and her anxiety spiked. This was something different. When the announcer spoke over the loudspeaker, she watched as Ben walked into the cage, but this time he was already bloody and cut up, he had already fought tonight and he was fighting again? Y/n watched the way Ben leaned heavily on the side of the cage, arm clutched to his side and chest heaving harshly.

Not only was the guy who entered moments later at least twice the size of Ben, but he was also wider and the look on his face was not at all friendly. She could see Ben’s hesitation as he looked at the ref and the man shrugged his shoulders. Y/n knew that this wasn't a normal fight, and she knew nothing about fighting. The few times she had gone, she tried to stay hidden in the back where he wouldn't spot her, but the longer this fight went on, the closer and closer she crept to the cage. Watching Ben move really was incredible in a normal situation, but watching him bounce easily from foot to foot and easily dodge his opponents fists was something else. Unfortunately, Ben was not so bouncy this time.

Y/n flinched audibly when one of the big guys fists collided with Ben’s cheek, making him stumble back, another fist following seconds later and Y/n had gotten close enough to see his eyes crossing from the hit. His jaw went slack just in time for one last hit and his eyes rolled back and he dropped to the mat.

“BEN!”

That was a hell of a hit, Ben thought to himself as he fell heavily to the mat of the cage. He could have sworn that he heard Y/n’s voice, but of course it wasn't really her, she had no idea what Ben was doing right now, a fact that he took solace in as he let his eyes fall closed and the darkness swallowed him whole.

Ben didn't know how long he was out for, but his ears woke up before his eyes and he could hear the sounds of people cheering distantly, but closer than that he heard someone softly crying and the sound of ripping paper. Even behind closed eyes, the light overhead was excruciating, and kept his eyes closed tightly. He could feel the pressure of someone wiping at the cuts on his face. Ben listened to the sniffles of his faceless caregiver, he could hear the soft choked sobs falling from their mouth.

“Oh Ben,” Ben heard his makeshift nurse, who was certainly female, coo sadly.

He let the words spin in his head, the voice repeating over and over. Oh Ben was right. Ben knew he had gotten in over his head when his opponent entered the cage, noticing quickly that it was not the guy who he was supposed to fight. He had gotten greedy, he knew he did. Ben had taken to betting on himself through a regular attendee of the fights, and management had caught wind and needed to put a stop to it.

“Gods, you're such an idiot.” His nurse spoke again and Ben’s heart dropped, he knew that voice.

“Y/n?” Ben opened his eyes quickly and regretted it immediately, throwing his head off the side of the bench he was laying on and emptying his stomach. Y/n squeaked and jumped backwards out of the splash zone, though her face lit up brightly.

“Ben!” She rushed to the other side of the bench, leaning down and carefully rubbing a hand over his sweaty back as he groaned loudly. “Jesus, Ben, I thought I had lost you.” Y/n smiled, though when Ben rolled back onto his back, he could see the tears still streaming down her face.

“What are you doing here?” He tried to use his arm to push himself off the bench but the pain in his shoulder stopped him with a hiss, Y/n putting a gentle hand on his chest to keep him still.

“Don't move, your shoulder is fucked up and I think you broke a few ribs.” Y/n explained with a sniffle, keeping her hand on his chest, and she felt him relax under her touch.

“Y/n.” Ben experimentally raised his other arm and when no pain blossomed, he laid his hand on top of hers. “What are you doing here? Did they call you?” He questioned again, squeezing her hand, causing her to look at his eyes.

His face was still bloody, left eye swelling up with a nasty cut below it. His right side was no better, a bruise was forming on his jaw and his nose was still slowly bleeding from a small cut there too. Y/n’s heart broke looking at him, she wasn't able to stop the sob that ripped from her throat. “You didn't tap.”

Ben’s eyes widened and taking a ragged breath, which broke her heart more, he squeezed her hand once more. “You knew?” His voice was barely above a whisper and had Y/n not been sitting so close to him, she may not have heard it. Y/n nodded her head softly, biting her lip as tears tumbled down her face. “How?”

Y/n choked out a laugh despite the sadness she felt, “Did you really think you were giving me good excuses?” She shook her head softly before standing and taking the bowl of water she had brought over, now red, and dumped it out. Y/n shook her head again before putting the bow down a little harder than she should have, the startling sound making Ben jump and hiss at the pain. “How could you keep something like this from me?” She spoke forcefully but didn't make eye contact. Ben laid his head back down onto the bench and sighed.

“I didn't want you to know, Y/n.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, wincing from the pain. “I didn't want you to worry.”

Y/n scoffed and crossed her arms, “OH of course, because this is so much better.” Pushing herself off the counter, she strode towards him quickly. “Do you not understand how lucky you were that I knew where you sneak off to?” Her voice raised and Ben squeezed his eyes closed tighter. “Ben you could have died! Do you not realize that? Did you know what they do to fighters who get knocked out like that?” She questioned, grabbing his face light enough to not hurt but enough to make him open his eyes. “They drug you out of the cage and pulled you back here by your fucking arms Ben. They tossed you into this room and closed the door behind them.” Y/n swiped her hand over her eyes quickly, angry at the tears that came.

Ben looked into the eyes of his best friend, hating that he had caused her pain. Hating that he had lied to her for months and here she was, taking care of him like she always did. She had every right to be upset with him, because he knew that he didn't have a good enough excuse for his choices. “I can't give you a good reason, Y/n.” He stared into her eyes, lifting his good hand to her face and wiped away a tear as it ran over her cheek. When he looked at his hand against her face, he could finally see some of the damage done tonight.

Ben stared at his swollen and cut knuckles, carefully wiped clean of blood thanks to her. Clenching his fist a few times, the cuts split open again and small streaks of blood sliding down the back of his hand. “Stop that.” Y/n spoke softly, grabbing his hand and the wet cloth, wiping away the blood once more. Ben watched her silently, allowing her to move his arm anyway she needed.

“I'm sorry I lied.”

“Me too.”

They both stayed silent as Y/n walked around the room, gathering hers and Ben’s things while Ben just tried to sit up on the bench. Once Y/n had Ben’s backpack over her shoulder, she walked over to him and offered him a hand, which he took gratefully. Anchoring herself with her legs, she let Ben pull himself up before wrapping an arm over her shoulder. Usually Ben would make a joke about how much shorter she was than him, but this time he stayed silent, using all of his energy to not scream out in pain. Y/n watched his jaw clench tight as he tried to take a step forward, nearly pulling her to the ground with him.

“Walking home isn't an option, Ben.” She sighed, her voice cracking slightly. “You're going to have to wait here while I go and get the car.” Ben, who didn't trust himself not to cry out, kept his mouth closed and nodded carefully. Y/n tried to ease Ben back to the bench as carefully as possible, but Ben’s knee buckled and they both went down hard. She yelped loudly and Ben felt the laughter bubble up in his throat and before he could stop it, it spilled out. “Are you laughing at me right now?” Y/n chuckled, letting herself relax onto the floor, arm still wrapped around Ben. Ben just laughed louder and nodded his head, making Y/n giggle back and soon the two best friends were both clutching their stomachs in hysterics.

Y/n, breathless from laughter, glanced towards Ben and her laughter turned to choked sobs. Ben was quick to shush her, pulling her close to him and she laid gently on his chest. Wincing through the pain, he raised his hand to her hair and stroked it softly. “Let’s go home, Y/n.” Ben pressed his lips to her forehead and she sniffled and nodded, pulling herself into a sitting position. Standing and offering Ben both of her hands, she carefully got him back onto the bench and sighed heavily.

“I'll be right back, don't move.” She pointed at him seriously, but Ben could see the forced smile on her face and his heart hurt for her. He nodded and faked his own smile, shooting her a thumbs up and laying his head back against the wall behind him. Y/n waved once more before she closed the door behind her and Ben was alone.

He hated that she had to see him like this, he had thought he was covering his tracks well enough, though Y/n had always been smarter than him. He thanked whatever god was listening at that moment, that she wasn't here anymore. He knew what it meant to be caught betting on yourself. That was something that Y/n never needed to see. Ben pulled himself up carefully, holding his arm close to his side, hissing at the sudden all over pain. Slowly he made his way across the room, but was stopped short when the door opened with a loud bang as it clattered against the wall. The fight manager and his two overly large goons pushed their ways through the door, staring Ben down like he was their prey.

“Mike.” Ben nodded his head shortly, waving weakly at the muscle. “To what do I owe this pleasure.” His sarcasm was not well met, as goon number one cracked his knuckles menacingly and goon number two swung his fist into Ben’s jaw harshly. Black dots filled Ben’s vision, but he grabbed a hold of the counter to stay standing.

“Don't be cute, Ben.” Mike replied coolly, stepping between the goons and standing right in front of him. “Is your girlfriend gone? I'm sure this isn't the kind of fight she wants to see.” The short, fat man chuckled, he turned and took a few steps to the side and when Ben’s gaze followed, his jaw was met once more with a goon's fist. Ben swore loudly, gritting his teeth and trying to will himself to stay standing. Spitting on the floor beside him, Ben glanced at the ground's fresh red spatters. “You cheated me Ben. I don't like cheaters.”

Anticipating another hit, Ben dodged the next hit which only seemed to spur the goons on. Goon Number One locked his arms behind his back, pulling a string of curses from Ben, as Goon Number Two hit him in the ribs. Ben's head was swimming and he wasn't sure how much more his body could take. Two didn't stop at just one hit, not even two, but after three sharp jabs to his ribs, Goon Number One finally let his arms go and Ben fell to the floor in a heap. He tried to push himself off the ground but one of the men kicked him hard in the chest and he fell back down.

“You’re burnt, Ben.” Mike clicked his tongue and motioned for the goons to take him outside. Struggling and failing, Ben was hoisted into the air by the two men, Mike stopping them and grabbing a fist full of Ben’s hair and bringing his face close to Ben’s ear, “You're done.” He whispered menacingly. “Make sure to leave him out front where the girl can find him.” Mike snapped his fingers and then Ben was dragged out into the dark parking lot.

Leave him where the girl can find him, the words swam in Ben’s foggy head. Y/n was going to find him like this, and the thought alone was enough to force a sob from his throat. The goons pulled Ben’s limp body until they were under the large flood light on the building and threw him to the ground, Ben wasn't quick enough with his hands and his face was scrapped along the pavement and he held back a cry. The men both stalked towards him but he tried to crawl away, both men stepping towards him easily. “I hope she isn't squeamish.” Goon Number One growled with a sick smile on his face, pulling his fist into the air and slamming it into Ben’s face and knocking his head into the ground. Goon Number Two kicked at him again and again.

Ben’s vision was blurring. It hurt to breathe. He was sure he would die. Ben couldn't help the sobs and tears that spilled out of him as he saw headlights turning into the parking lot. His shouts sounded like static in his own ears and he could no longer make out the sounds of the goons above him. He could feel his eyes closing as he suddenly heard Y/n’s voice, clear as day, shouting his name.

Y/n had run back to her house as quickly as she could and when she stumbled into the front door, she finally slowed down, stepping inside and leaning on the closed door behind her. She walked through the house and turned on a few lights, and readied the tea kettle for their return. Sighing loudly, she grabbed her keys and jogged back outside and climbed into her car. The trip back was less than ten minutes long and when she pulled into the warehouse parking lot, she was shocked that it had emptied out so quickly. Figuring she would make it easier on Ben if she parked as close to the door as she could, she turned towards the entrance and that's when she saw it.

Directly under the flood lights bright circle, Y/n was able to make out two giant men and a smaller figure on the ground. Ben! Slamming her hand on the horn, she pushed her foot to the floor, needing to get to Ben right now. She watched the men kicking him, ruthlessly, and she covered her mouth with one hand, her whole body shaking with sobs. When she finally reached them, she slammed on the brakes and skidded to a halt in front of them, one of them making eye contact with her as she screamed for them to stop. Keeping her gaze, the man threw a hand out at the second man and they both stopped kicking. Y/n shrieked loudly when the second man looked at her and spit at Ben, she ran forward and dropped to the ground beside her beaten best friend.

“Ben! Ben, please!” The tears poured down her face like a waterfall and her voice cracked as she begged him to wake up. “Please open your eyes, Ben, please!” Y/n scrambled around for her phone as she quickly dialed 911. Sitting herself above Ben’s head, she pulled him carefully into her lap, sobbing loudly as she touched his red stained face. Twenty minutes, Y/n thought sadly, twenty minutes she had been gone and now she may have been too late. She rocked back and forth hysterically with Ben’s head in her lap, her long fingers running through his blood-matted hair, and soon she could hear the approaching sirens. “I'm so sorry Ben, I should have never left you here. I'm so, so sorry Ben.” She cried so loudly, her throat was raw by the time the paramedics were pulling Ben’s motionless form from her grasp and ushered her into the back while she held onto his hand the whole way to the hospital.

It was two days later, when Ben finally opened his eyes and the very first thing he saw made him smile despite his surroundings. Y/n was curled into a ball, asleep in a small recliner in the corner of the room. Ben didn't dare look at any of the damage, instead choosing to lay quietly and watch Y/n sleep peacefully. He was able to smile for half a second before the pain shot through his cheek and he hissed loudly, which woke Y/n up.

Tears instantly sprang to her eyes as she launched herself out of the chair, crossing the room in seconds and having to stop herself from literally throwing herself onto Ben. Y/n gently put both hands to his face and just gave him a watery smile. “I'm so glad you're alright, Ben.” She cooed, leaning in and carefully placed a kiss to his forehead. “You are so fucking lucky that you're alright, because I want to murder you!” The smile stayed on her face but her eyes got serious.

Ben opened his mouth to speak but found his throat raw. Y/n was quick to bring a straw to his lips and he swallowed down the water gratefully. He cleared his throat when he was done and he looked at her. “I'm so sorry Y/n.” His bottom lip quivered and his eyes were locked on hers. When he tried to lift his arm to her face, he found resistance with a bright red cast from his palm to elbow. She watched his face crumble when he saw the cast, as it prompted him to search his other limbs.

Ben had ‘gotten lucky’ or so the doctors told Y/n the day before when they had given her the rundown of his injuries. “Broken arm, three broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, four broken knuckles and a pretty serious concussion.” Y/n sighed, brushing Ben’s blond curls off of his forehead. “Jesus Ben you've been asleep since they brought you in, it's been two days.” She didn't make eye contact with him, instead looking at his hair running through her fingers and she didn't even try to stop the tears from falling heavily onto his chest.

Ben stared at her face, heart aching when she wouldn't even look at him. He used his cast-free arm to reach up and touch her face lightly. “Thank you for being there that night, Y/n.” His voice wavered just enough to betray his stoic face, when her eyes flickered to his he could see all the pain and sleeplessness she had experienced the last two days. “I'm so sorry that this is how you found out, I'm sorry for lying to you.” He spoke softly, letting a tear get halfway down his face before swiping it away quickly. “I would have died if you hadn’t come back for me.”

“I'll always come back for you, Ben.” Y/n smiled at him, running her finger down his nose carefully, bringing a real smile to his face. “You're my best friend, and I love you.” She rolled her eyes playfully at him.

“I know, and you're my best friend.” Ben moved his hand from her face and grabbed her hand, “No more secrets.” he nodded his head seriously and she mirrored him.

“And you’ll try and explain to me why you thought this was ever a good idea?” She questioned hopefully, and though Ben sighed heavily, he nodded his head. “Pinky promise?” She held out her pinky finger to him and Ben chuckled and wrapped his pinky around hers.

“Pinky promise.”

Two after Ben woke up, the doctor was clearing him to leave. Y/n was getting the basic pain medicine talk, since she was to be Ben’s caregiver. Ben watched her listening intently to the directions that his doctor was reciting, showing her the bottle of pills and a packet on how to shower with a cast. She nodded her head and occasionally spoke up with a question, flashing Ben a smile when she caught him staring. Ben grinned back at her and the doctor smiled at the two of them. “Well, Mr. Jones, I would like to hope that this experience has made you think twice about your hobbies.” The doctor gave him a pointed look and he held up his one good hand in defense.

“No more fighting, I promise.” He stated and the doctor gave him a thumbs up.

“As for you, Miss Taylor, Benjamin here is lucky to have you in his life. You make a very cute couple.” The older man smiled and nudged Y/n and when she made eye contact with Ben, they both started laughing hysterically.

“He wishes,” She scoffed and Ben looked at her offended, “He’s been my best friend so long, he is practically my brother.” She gave the boy a fond smile and he returned it happily.

“Completely platonic soulmates, doc.” Ben smiled at the man and pushed himself to his feet. “Now, not that I don't think you're a great guy, but I would like to get out of here and never see you again.” Ben chuckled and the doctor laughed deeply.

“That is the right attitude!” The man clapped his hands together, “You are good to go, and I hope I never have the fortune of seeing you again.” He shook Ben’s hand first and then reached for Y/n’s, “You as well, Miss Taylor.”

“You got it, doc.” She shook the man's hand and grabbed the bag of Ben’s belongings and waited for him to follow her and when he looked at her with question in his eyes she rolled her eyes at him. “If you think i'm ever leaving you alone to fetch the car again, you're out of your mind. Come on, your legs ain’t broken.” Ben laughed loudly and nodded his head before walking over and throwing his good arm around her shoulders carefully. “Let’s go home.”

“Let’s go home.” He agreed with a smile on his face.

#ben hardy #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy au #fighter!ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #call me fighter #my writing

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sloppy-butcher · 5 years ago

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Ok,new follower here. So this blog is amazing,you writings are just beautiful. I hope I can become as good as you, beause I would like to open my own blog, but I always think my works are too bad. Anyways, I don't know if you write soulmates stuff, like your partner name is written on your body or thigs like that. If so, could you write something related with Joey and Frank sharing the same male sm reader? If you don't feel comfortable writing for three characters or for a male reader it's fine!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support T_T I love you so much! I encourage you to start that blog because the only way to get better is to try. and if you do start a blog, drop me that link babey

So i spent a hot minute finding which soulmate alternative universe would best fit your request since you didn’t specifically state which au you wanted. Well, i found a reaaallly interesting one. hope it’s okay

This AU states that soulmates share pain. If one is hurt the other shows their wounds or bruises. I think this will work well with Frank and Joey and a survivor!S/O. I have no problem writing for a male S/O (although i will probs just make this gender nuetral as i dont see gender really playing an important role in this (and i prefer gender nuetral tings)) or for three characters. i will have to write this in HeadCanon form as i am very lazy and i dont want to write like a full fic T_T cause you know.... i have toomuch to say

hope these are okay? ily

Soulmate Au HeadCanons: Poly!The Legion (Frank and Joey) with a Survivor S/O

They realized their connection long before they even knew you existed. The theory was that soulmates shared pain and it was obvious to them that they were meant to be together. Joey would share in Franks pain, he could feel the scar that tore across his face and Frank could feel when Joey had worked himself far past his breaking point. They thought they were the only ones connected in this psychic-link, bound by a force too grand and cosmic to be comprehended by simple-minded mortals. But like the universe, fate works in mysterious ways and everything changed when you joined the Fog.

Joey first noticed it when he went to sit down at the end of a particularly gruelling workday. He felt his left shoulder explode into a burning hot pain and his body seized with the sudden shock. He barely held back his cries of a surprise but Frank wasn’t so well-restrained. Joey heard him from across the Lodge and fearing for his friend, ran off in the direction of his call ignoring his own body screaming for him to stop. He found Frank surrounded by a worried Julie and Susie. They looked between him and Joey, expressions from behind their masks piercing through to Joey's soul. They were worried for their friends, Frank’s scream and Joey’s sluggish and limp stature was enough to tell the girls that the pain the two were experiencing was, no doubt, incredibly excruciating. No one knew what had just happened, neither of them had been hurt or injured, and they feared that maybe the two were being punished by the Entity for a lacklustre performance. But both boys assured they did well enough to keep the thing satisfied and when the pain spontaneously faded, the whole incident was pushed out of their minds and momentarily forgotten.

But the pain never stopped completely. It was sporadic, turning on randomly like a lightswitch bursting with newfound anger and agony that would contort their limbs and burn their muscles. And there was nothing they could do to alleviate the pain, no amount of massaging or rubbing could take away the sharp edge of the hurt; there weren’t even enough painkillers in the realm to quell the agony. The only thing the boys could do was just sit there and wait for the pain to decide to go away. It was torture, sometimes the simple act of sitting alone was pure unadulterated suffering. But still, the boys had no idea where this pain was coming from.

It was only after Joey returned from a trial in which he had mori’d a rather annoying and pesky survivor that something started to click. Joey walked into the main lounge of the Resort and found his friends standing around the fire pit waiting for him. Frank had his shirt off and the pants of his left leg rolled up. Ordinarily the sight of Frank without his shirt on would excite Joey but something made him hesitate. A harsh red scar ripped down Frank’s chest and when Frank noticed Joey's reaction he held out his left arm for the other to inspect. Another red wound ran across the forearm. There was no mistaking it now. It was their trademark kill, a stab at the left arm followed by the grabbing of the left ankle then finished with the brutal gutting from the collar bone all the way down to the hip. “We watched it appear.” Julie’s voice wavered with concern. “We watched it appear on him as if...” She broke off ‘as if Joey himself did it to him.’. Joey approached Frank. Through the pinpricks of his mask, Joey could see Frank's eyes and he could feel his pain. Without saying much the girls made Joey take off his own shirt and directed him to stand next to Frank. When Julie stepped back to inspect both boys she raised a hand to cover the mouth of her mask and Susie audibly gasped. They were identical, both bore the exact same scars of the exact same knife.

To be honest, the boys would never have figured out the source of their shared pain. Combined the two barely make up a single brain cell so it was by the grace of God or something else that allowed the truth to finally be exposed. It was in a trial between you and Frank. The killer had been run around for the past ten minutes and with no sign of catching his elusive prey. You were impressed by your capable teammate and when they went down just outside the opened exit gate you leapt into action to save the wounded hero. You ended up sacrificing yourself for them, a worthy trade, everyone else got out except you. And, to you, that was okay. You were okay with this. Frank, however, was not. He was beyond furious at being denied his prey and when he trudged back to your collapsed form he felt his rage overflow him. He stood over you and you smugly returned his glare. That was it. In a swift motion, he punched you in the face. Your nose broke and blood gushed out and into your mouth. You screamed out but your cries, however, were mixed in with the killers. Frank recoiled, clutching at his mask where his nose would be. You watched in shock as he spilt swear words and stomped around you.

Curiously you reached up for your busted face and using your thumb and forefinger you squeezed the throbbing nose. Frank’s cries intensified and he clawed desperately at his mask. Through the haze he caught you staring at him in shocked amusement, which he mistook for condescending judgment. He growled and stormed over to you determined to make you regret everything. Panicking you grabbed your nose again and Frank jumped back. And then all the pieces fell into place. Frank could feel your pain. His eyes widened on your collapsed body and it felt as if his world was imploding. Oh shit.

It took some convincing but eventually, you agreed to meet Frank back at the Resort. He told you there was someone else, another ‘soulmate’ in this trifecta of fucked-up bullshit. You used the term ‘soulmate’ loosely. You had heard the stories about soulmates, people destined to be together would share such a special bond that they would even share pain. But never in a million years would you have guessed that your soulmate (or soulmateS) was, a serial killer. You really wanted it to not be real, you wanted this to be some kind of dream, a sick nightmare you were experiencing while laying on your deathbed somewhere far away. But there Frank was before you at the boundary between snow and forest, like he promised you, with his partner Joey. You walked up to them and stopped at a safe distance away. Joey seemed to bloat his chest as if to say not to try anything. Frank looked at you and you knew you had to show him. Reaching up you grabbed at your nose which was starting to feel better but was still puffy and red. You put pressure on it and Frank began to shake with the pain. Frank moaned and clenched his fists in an effort to ride out the pain like Joey was but after a moment he relented and shouted at you to stop. Frank turned and muttered something to Joey who never took his gaze off you. You could have sworn that he was a stone-statue because he never moved and showed no sign that what you did had affected him in any way. But then you noticed his slight leg twitch and the irregular heaving of his chest. He did feel it. Frank returned his attention back to you and in the cold silence of realization, you said, “Well? What do we do now?”

You could have forgotten everything, walked away from the nonsensical situation that had been presented before you and continued on living a simple life devoid of drama and tension. But that life would also lack depth, something to make it special and worthwhile. You were presented with your soulmates, a rarity in this hellhole and something about the wonder of what made the universe decide to bring you all together surpassed your urge to stay away. Slowly but surely you introduced yourself into their lives. Your interactions at first were stiff and hollow, fear and uncertainty making you doubt if the boys would respect the bound of soulmates enough to not kill you or at least hurt you.

But time wore on and you became braver. They were gentle, well... they tried to be. And when you spoke with them as people do you realized that you had a lot in common with them both. And eventually, you were confident enough to laugh and joke with them.

Joey was the one who needed the most time to accept that you and he were soulmates. He eyed you suspiciously as you would talk with Frank, feeling some kind of jealousy build up in his chest. He hated how you could get Frank to react in ways he had never seen before. He hated how easy it was for you. One day when he had you alone to himself, he finally broke that long silence between you two. But where he expected a change in personality, a two-face switch, Joey only found genuineness. You were as kind and playful with him as you were with Frank, unfazed by your burden of the circumstance and not worried by his own mistakes and misfortunes. You were strong and he admired you for that. “How do you do it?” Joey softly asked clutching his hand which now held a new red welt. The mood quietened down and you turned to look at him. “How do you handle all this pain each and every day?” You reached out and gently took his hand in yours. Suddenly all his pain vanished at the contact and he slightly gasped at the shock. You were warm and comforting, like the wind of a summer’s afternoon, constant and welcoming. He raised his eyes to yours and you gave him your best smile. He melted. “One day at a time.” You replied squeezing his hand for emphasis. You relaxed and began to pull away only to stop as he held you firm, determined to not let your warmth go.

Frank always had a problem when it came to hurting you in trials. While Joey could suck it up and deal with the pain, Frank could not bear the thought of having a hook run through your shoulder and subsequently his. It was you who finally convinced him that his job was more important than your fleeting health. You took Frank's hand in yours, engulfing him in your comfort and reassurance. “We can get through this. I will get better.” He breathed out and admitted, albeit to himself, that you were right. This was a momentary instance, a speck of nothing when compared to the kind of torture the Entity would inflict on him. And it wasn’t just himself he had to look out for, it was everyone. He had you and Joey he had to look out for. With a look apologetic regret Frank would mercilessly hunt you down and when he would lift you up and onto the meat hook he could hear you at the back of his mind saying, “Suck it up, Princess.”

They would always feel awful if you had a particularly bad day. You would trudge back to the Resort trying your best to hide from their concerned eyes your bruised limb or uneven walk but of course, they already knew what had happened. Joey would sweep you effortlessly off your feet and he would not let you walk around without his assistance. Frank, although less forward than the other, would follow behind and would pester you with questions, ‘Are you okay now?’ ‘Are you comfortable?’ ‘Anyway that he could help ease the hurt?’ They both were like oversized puppies yapping at your ankles because they heard you make a noise. You’d reassure them that you were fine and after exchanging doubtful looks between each other they would give in and give you some air.

They would listen to your stories. It's one thing to experience the pain and another thing to watch it happen. You’d tell them about how you got your injuries and more often than not you would end up a broken-down and crying mess. The image of looming figures silhouetted against an endless black sky haunts your mind. Although you all share the physical scars, the mental ones stay trapped inside you. When you would become an inconsolable disaster the boys would be by your side in an instant. By the time you regained control over your anxiety, you would find yourself buried in the arms of either Joey or Frank. You face pushed deep into their bodies as if they were trying to shield you from the monster that was yourself. It was scary, they could tell. But you weren’t alone. Not anymore.

After a long day's work of causing and enduring pain, when your bodies would ache with collective suffering the 3 of you would find a quiet cove to all lie it. The boys would sleep on either side of you, draping their limps over you and almost drowning you in their weight. It felt good to be lost at sea with them, so far away from the pain of the day and from the pain tomorrow will bring. If for a moment, you all were at peace, happy and content in the embrace of your soulmates.

#dbd imagines #dbd x reader #dbd frank morrison x reader #dbd frank morrison #dbd joey #dbd headcannons #dbd soulmate au

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msjr0119 · 5 years ago

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A Second Chance

Prologue

Book: The Royal Romance

Series Pairings: Liam x Riley (Flashbacks), Drake x Hana (Flashbacks), Drake x Riley (Present Time- Friendship?).

*All characters belong to Pixelberry apart from Bethany Hughes-Rhys*

Please do not read this series if you are under 18 or if you are affected by any of the below trigger warnings. By doing so, you are consenting that you are over 18.

Warnings: Mention of suicide (past tense), Grief, Depression, Mention of two characters death. Slight adult language.

A/N: So this is a follow up to my ‘Hold On’ series. I was really confused when @kacie-0156 requested for me to do this as she is a Liam Stan. I still don’t understand 🤷‍♀️ but I’ll try my best! Thank you Kacie for the moodboard that you have provided. 💕❤️ The series takes part over two decades after ‘Hold On’ finished.

Song Inspiration: One Sweet Day, Mariah Carey Ft Boyz II Men

Word Count: 3,200

Tags, off the top of my head- as always if you want to be removed/added don’t hestitate in asking me: @pedudley @kacie-0156 @annekebbphotography @yukinagato2012 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @kimmiedoo5 @bascmve01 @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @lodberg @cmestrella @axwalker @hopefulmoonobject @notoriouscs @rafasgirl23415 @walker7519 @drakewalker04

*****

It had been six months since that day. The day that the Queen of Cordonia realised that her fairytale life had been snatched away from her in an instant. Today was the first day in which she had made an effort with her appearance. Upon her arrival she could sense that all her friends were eager to pounce on her, demanding to know that she was okay. Interrogate her. Keeping that stoic expression, she avoided conversations with her close friends- instead just remained civil with her children and people such as Francesco. Keeping a speech minimal, she thanked everyone for coming before returning to her quarters. Alone. This had been a common occurrence- keeping herself guarded. Not allowing anyone to break down the walls that she had built up.

Jackson noticed that his Auntie had been specifically quiet since that day six months ago. Walking over towards Princess Ayah and Prince Louis, they both smiled softly - however provided sorrow in their eyes.

“Is your Mom okay?” Ayah shook her head. Not really knowing how to explain the mask that Riley was wearing to hide her true feelings.

“She’s not coping, Jackson. I’m scared that she’s going to do something stupid. Before we existed, she tried to end her life in New York. My Father didn’t want to tell us about it, but he did one night to explain how much of a fighter our Mom is. She isn’t talking to anyone apart from us and her Godchildren. Whenever any of her friends try to talk to her, she shuns them away. Maybe Uncle Drake could try and talk to her again? Because you know....” Jackson didn’t need Ayah to continue that sentence, he knew full well what she was about to say.

“I’ll go and mention it to him. Don’t worry about Aunt Ri. She has everyone here, supporting her.” Kissing the Princess on the cheek, he scrutinised the room for his father. Jackson Walker adored his ‘cousins’ and ‘Auntie’- even though they wasn’t blood, he felt as if they were.

******

“Brooks....” Feeling like this was a waste of time, Drake decided that the best option was to walk away, as she wasn’t responding. Jackson placed a comforting hand onto his father’s shoulder, suggesting that Drake should leave. Feeling like a failure, to Ayah who believed that they would get her Mom to open up to them- Jackson decided to try himself. Listening to his son’s advise, Drake left in a swift motion- frustrated that he couldn’t persuade her to come out of her hovel and just talk.

“Aunt Ri?” Jackson said softly as he knocked on the door. Riley knew she was being stubborn whenever a visitor would knock on the door- but for some reason she could never ignore her children, or her friends children.

“Jackson.” Smiling at his Auntie, he pulled her in for a tight hug. “What can I do for you?”

“Have a walk? Or just a little talk with me? We all miss you, and we want to help you through it. Dad just wants to help too. You could help each other?”

“You’re only twenty one Jackson, you should be out with your friends- enjoying life. Don’t take a minute for granted. You should be living each day as if it’s your last.” Listening to her words, he knew what she was referring to. His heart sunk, the usual poised Queen stood in front of him was absolutely broken even if she tried to conceal it. “I miss him so much Jackson, and I miss your Mom too. Each day that goes by, doesn’t get any easier. I need to be strong for Ayah, Louis and Ellie but truth be told- they are so much stronger than I am.”

“Aunt Ri, everything will get better in time. Uncle Liam loved you- as did my Mom. They would both want you to be happy, being the strong woman that you are. Please don’t stay up here on your own. If you need anything, dont hesistate to let anyone know. Whether that’s to watch a film, or to go for a cronut, a walk in the maze? It’s Dad’s birthday party tomorrow night- fifty. The old fart. It would be good to see you there. Ayah is going with Louis, El, Uncle Leo and Aunt Beth.”

“I’ll see how I feel. Thank you for the talk Jackson. You remind me so much of your Mom, caring- thinking about everyone.”

“Shame I look like my Dad then.” Riley laughed as the young man winked at her. “I love you, Aunt Ri.”

*****

Drake woke up the following morning, not really in the mood to celebrate his fiftieth birthday. However he knew that he needed to make the effort. Mainly due to the blood, sweat and guts that Maxwell had put in to organising it. It had been six months since he had said goodbye to his wife and best friend- the King. The traumatic events from that night still haunted him- the grief was still lingering every second of each day that went by. But what was also breaking his heart was how Riley was coping with the loss of her husband and her friend. Ever since the funeral, the Queen had ignored her friends, barely acknowledged their existence- keeping herself to herself.

Making himself look presentable, he headed over to Ramsford with Jackson.

*****

“Speech, speech, speech....” Maxwell shouted, peer pressuring Drake to make a speech. The last speech was the eulogy he spoke at Hana’s funeral. He wasn’t confident when it came to speaking in front of crowds, but he believed the sooner he did it the sooner it would be over and done with.

“Well what can I say? I’m an old man now. I’d like to thank you all for coming today, drinking whiskey in honour of me... you all know me too well. I know it’s been six months, they say that time gets easier but it really doesn’t. I wish that three other people could be here by my side celebrating this milestone with me; my wife Hana, my best friend Liam and our Queen.” Lifting his tumbler of whiskey up into the air, the others followed suit. Drake closed his eyes for a brief second, imagining the happier times with Liam, Riley and Hana- imagining that this was just some awful nightmare that he couldn’t escape or wake up from. But no this was reality. He had lost his best friend and wife to a successful assassination. Opening his eyes, the room was mute- all eyes focusing towards the doorway.

“Brooks?” Riley raised her drink in to the air as she smiled softly towards him. Placing the empty glass on the table next to her, she turned around and headed towards the balcony needing a bit of fresh air. Following her, he just wanted to make sure that she was okay- that she was coping. Even though he knew that she wasn’t. He never imagined that she would turn up, due to her personality recently.

“Hey.” Drake nervously said, as he watched her staring up to the starry sky- her eyes fixated on the brightest one.

“Hey, old man. Happy birthday!”

“Less with the old man cheeky... you’ll be catching up soon...”

“Maybe, but you’ll still be older than me. I got you a present, I wasn’t sure if I was coming or not- it’s too predictable but I’m sure you’ll make use of it.” Handing him the bag, he shook his head whilst laughing. “I’m far too predictable, I’m going to be turning into whiskey with the amount that people have bought me. Thank you, Riley.”

“No need to thank me. Enjoy the rest of your party.”

“Are you leaving?”

“I’m going to mingle with everyone, I’ve not been myself- hiding away from everyone. Seen as though I’ve made the effort, I may as well make the most of it.” Drake smiled at her. Their past was complicated to say the least- but they had put that behind them. But now he felt the need to protect her, something that he didn’t do when they was together- he owed it to himself as well as to Liam.

“It’s good to see you out and about. If you need anything- just let me know.”

“I just need my friends and children. Which I already have. I needed my husband. I still do. I miss him so much.”

“So do I. You’re not alone. I miss Hana, I know you do too. You have myself and Jackson, your children- who aren’t children anymore. You know what I mean. Leo, Beth, the Beaumont’s, Liv.”

*****

Jackson, Ayah, Louis and Ellie all walked towards the balcony- Jackson put his arm in front of them all to prevent them going any further, noticing that his Dad and Aunt was too close.

“And what are you all doing?”

“Aunt Liv! You made us jump.” Ayah said, as she tried to catch her breath.

“Oh hell no.” Leo commented as he joined in spying on Drake and Riley. “Do you think they are going to grieve together and do more?”

“Uncle Leo! That’s our Mom and our Uncle that you’re talking about.”

“Oh kids, they were together well before they married their spouses. They were even due to have a baby until this jerk called Nate beat myself and Riley to a pulp.” Shrugging his shoulders, the young adults looked at other confused as to why this was such a big secret kept from them.

*****

“I know I have you all. I am grateful for that.” Pulling her closer to him, he held her in his embrace. Hearing her whimpers, and feeling the tears drip onto him- his grip became tight. Not in a hurtful way, more of a protective type of way.

“You are an amazing Queen, you are doing a fabulous job.”

“I’m stepping down, Drake. Louis is taking over from me.”

“Louis? Ayah is the Crown Princess. She’s the eldest.”

“History is repeating itself. She abdicated from her duties last week. Louis’s social season begins at the end of the week.”

“You’re putting him through a social season. Jesus Brooks why?”

“He decided it, not me. I didn’t want my children to go through what Liam- What we all went through. I can’t rule without Liam, and I’m not remarrying. Don’t tell anyone that I told you, I’m going to do a statement. I can trust you, right? You’re one of my closest friends.” What we went through. The social season of hell.

“Of course you can trust me.” Cupping her cheeks, he said this with sincerity surrounding his eyes.

“I.. I should go.” Kissing her softly on the cheek, she inhaled sharply. Her heart began to flutter, Drake wasn’t Liam- but having someone this close to her for the first time in months felt unusual. Someone who she loved once upon a time.

“Look after yourself, Brooks. We are all here for you. Always.”

****

Riley did Drake’s usual trick throughout the party- ‘people watching’. She had some conversations with her friends but kept it minimal. The common questions and phrases spoken in these conversations included Liam. Deep down she knew that it was good to talk about him, but for her it was still so raw.

Maxwell bounded up towards her, very intoxicated. “Your majesty. You look absolutely beautiful. I’ve missed you.”

“Thank you. I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry.”

“Blossom, don’t apologise.”

“I have to. I haven’t been myself since I - we lost Liam. And Hana.”

“Come on, lets get out of here for a bit...” Holding his hand out towards her, she remained standing dormant.

“I’m actually going to head to Valtoria.”

“Stay here. You still have a room here. It’s yours...” Pausing for a second, she couldn’t help but smile at the man stood in front of her with the goofy smile. “How is Drake coping?” Maxwell was unsure as to why she asked this.

“Erm, he has a few quiet days. The therapy is helping him though. He blames himself for what happened that night... but you know Drake, he always wears that scowl to cover his true emotions. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, but Liam and Hana wouldn’t want either of you to be unhappy. A little birdy told me that Louis is beginning a social season. Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have supported you!”

“DRAKE TOLD YOU?” Not realising how loud she was, Drake made his way over to them. Wondering why his name was mentioned. Wondering why Riley’s quiet tone of voice had raised all of a sudden.

“No, Louis did. Drake knew?”

“I knew what? Brooks, are you okay?”

“About Louis becoming King... I assumed you told Max. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” The two men pulled her in for a hug, as she eventually broke down uncontrollably crying. “Don’t apologise blossom. For anything.” Maxwell whispered.

“I’m going to go to my room. Thank you for inviting me, both of you.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” After Maxwell asked this, Drake decided to leave the two of them. Before he could escape, Riley grabbed his hand- forcing him to turn to face her.

“Drake?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk upstairs? Alone. I have realised that I should talk to someone. Someone who is going through the same emotions... I won’t keep you for too long, it’s your party. I just feel if I don’t do this now, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it.”

“Of course we can talk. For as long as you need to.” The friends all overheard Riley’s request including her children. All smiling softly, knowing that this was the first step she was taking to get out of the depression. To grieve with some support. To move on from her husbands death but to keep his memory alive. Baby steps.

****

Drake sat down on the edge of the bed as Riley poured him a whiskey.

“Who’d have imagined we’d have been here, in this situation. Didn’t Kiara and Nate put us through enough shit?” Laughing nervously, she wasn’t sure how to begin this difficult conversation.

“But that shit, led us both to begin families with our loved ones. You have to think of it that way..”

“True.” There was an awkward silence due to Riley’s lack of response.

“Why have you been avoiding us all?” Not wanting to sound harsh, but he needed to know. Deep down he had an inkling as to why. He just needed this confirmation, so everybody could help in the best possible way.

“I couldn’t cope. I lost the love of my life unexpectedly. Seeing you all reminded me of him. I’d go to bed, holding my wedding photo- snuggling into Liam’s clothes. It still hasn’t sunk in. I’m so sorry that I’ve ignored you all...”

“We understand, we had just hoped that you would have let us help you. I’ve been the same. If it wasn’t for those morons downstairs, I think I’d have drunk whiskey all day every day to blank the pain.. we both loved Liam and Hana, and they both loved us dearly.” In sync, the two of them briefly closed their eyes- images of their spouses flashing through their mind.

“Louis suggested starting the social season to keep my mind off of things. But it’s just going to bring memories back. Of us. Of everybody.”

“It may be a good thing? We are all going to support you both.” Snuggling close to him, she felt his arm go around her waist. “Why did Ayah abdicate?”

“She’s... she’s... oh god, Drake... this is so embarrassing...”

“What?”

“She’s her father’s double. Insisting that she doesn’t want a political marriage, that she wants to marry for love. Ayah started a relationship with.....” Drake’s brain began functioning. His first thought was his son, Jackson. If it was Jackson, he knew that people would criticise her choice- due to his commoner blood that ran through his veins.

“Who?” He eventually questioned, not quite knowing if he wanted to hear the answer or not.

“Theo...” Riley shrugged her shoulders as his jaw practically hit the floor.

“You’re having me on... aren’t you?”

“No. I wish I was... honestly... I’m hoping it’s just a fling. But you can’t help who you fall in love with.” Looking down towards the floor, she bit her lip as she was referring to him. Referring to their past. Hoping that he wouldn’t realise.

“No you can’t help who you fall in love with..” Pausing, he decided to make a joke out of it. “You know if he hurts her- her Uncle’s won’t hold back. I’m pretty sure Liam’s spirit won’t either.”

“None of you will touch him. I’ll beat you all to it!” Providing that infamous cocky smirk, Drake shook his head- he hadn’t seen it painted on her face in what seemed like an eternity. Caressing her cheek, they both locked eyes.

“Of course you will... it’s good to see you smile.”

“I agree. Thank you. I should let you get back to your party.”

“I’m ready for bed, I can’t hack it anymore. I’m not a spring chicken anymore.” Standing up, he mimicked walking with an invisible walking stick- causing her to throw her head back laughing.

“No, you’re an old grumpy marshmallow now.”

“Queen bossy pants. Night, Brooks.” Turning to leave, it was a brief conversation- a conversation that everyone had wanted to start with all those months ago. Finally she had opened up, even if it wasn’t much. Hoping that this was the first move to gaining closure on Liam’s death.

“Drake, wait!”

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Thank you for the talk.”

“No worries. You know where to find me or any of us for that matter. I love you, Ri.”

“I love you, too.”

****

Once Drake had left, she got under the duvet- making a quick phone call. As soon as the voicemail message began, tears ran down her cheek like a waterfall. Unable to stop.

Hello. You have reached Liam, but I am unavailable at the moment. Sorry for my beautiful wife, my Queen- giggling in the background. If you need me, leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon.

Even though she was crying, she still managed to let out a little laugh- this was his personal phone for his friends, but now it was a regular call she made on a daily basis.

“Hey, handsome. It’s me again. The giggling wife. I’ve actually laughed for the first time today, Drake the old man turned fifty. Of course he was drinking whiskey. I know I say this everytime I ring you, but I miss you so fucking much Li. I love you so much. My biggest regret was not telling you that the day you left us. So I’m making up for it now. Now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away. But that doesn’t stop my imagination from believing that you are here. Never had I imagined living without your smile, and I know you're shining down on me from heaven. I hope you and Hana are celebrating up there. I know eventually we'll be together. One sweet day. Until we meet again. I love you, my King.”

#tw: death #tw: grief #tw: adult language #tw: depression #liam x riley #drake x riley #maxwell beaumont #olivia nevrakis #leo rhys #trr #trr hold on #trr a second chance

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fuckedurbias · 5 years ago

Text

enemies to lovers (but not really) - yoo kihyun

genre: angst + smutty af

requested? nope

word count: 7.7k !!!

warnings: cursing, alcohol mentions, the smut is dirty af i can’t put it all in a warning oop

A/N: i made kihyun basically a bully and a giant asshole but ik he’s a soft baby and a lovely boy but i just have a lot of pent up feelings towards him, i can’t admit my feelings for him so i just use hatred as an excuse okay its a personal problem. pls dont hate me!!

You couldn’t get rid of him no matter how hard you tried. It was hard enough that he was involved in your close friend group and you had to see his face often, but he also genuinely enjoyed seeing you get so heated over the mere sight of him.

“For once, for once can he be working when we hang out or I don’t know… maybe just not be invited?” You groan, angrily looking out the window of Changkyun’s car with your arms firmly crossed.

“Look we can’t just not invite him, he’s still our friend. It’s not our fault neither of you can stand each other, you’re lucky either of you get invited to these things do you really think any of us want to deal with the never ending bickering from you two?” Changkyun shook his head, dreading the thought of all the arguing he’s going to have to deal with tonight.

“He starts it! You really expect me to just take his little digs at me?” You huff.

“He only does it because he knows for sure you will fight back; I’ve told you this how many times? Hell, he’s told you that himself yet you still give him the reaction he wants, if you just ignored him he’d stop” “I really doubt that” You mumble, staring at the road ahead. Changkyun never beats around the bush with you, but that is why he was your best friend, both as feisty and fiery as each other. It is probably a bad dynamic since you both just feed off each others intense vibes and don’t hold back with others who aren’t either of you, who often can’t handle such honesty and bluntness. Most times you love Kyun being honest with you, but times like this; when talking about the person who makes your blood boil more than anyone else, you really hated it. Maybe tonight you will take Kyun’s advice and ignore Kihyun, just to prove him wrong when Kihyun continues to terrorise you and he can finally get all the blame he deserves.

As soon as you got out of the car you could see your group of boys through the big window at the front of the restaurant, sitting on the table right next to the window as per usual. Thank god they were all talking and too preoccupied in looking at the menus arguing over what they were going to order to notice you and Kyun walking in. There is seriously only 1 whole brain cell in this goddamn group and it belongs to you. Without you they wouldn’t get anywhere. You hide behind Kyun as you enter, both so Kihyun won’t see you and pester you before you even get to the table and so you can see where he is sitting before you reach the table and plan how you will avoid him as much as you can. You and Kyun reach the table and stand there silent for at least 30 seconds before any of them notice you, they were really going at it between themselves. Sitting on the wall side was Minhyuk, Kihyun, Jooheon & Hyungwon. Facing the rest of the restaurant and their backs to you and Kyun right now was Shownu and Wonho, sitting on the side closest to the window with the two free seats for you and Kyun next to them at the end of the table. Finally, Hyungwon turns around from watching the other three boys argue next to him to see you and Kyun standing there, staring at them with the biggest look of disapproval on your faces. He smiles and nods, nobody else noticing you. Minhyuk, Kihyun & Jooheon were all arguing over what food they wanted to get and Shownu was asking them, practically begging them all to just settle on either one meal or one meat option each for the barbecue otherwise it would end up being too much money and not all of it would be eaten anyways. Wonho was just disassociating on his phone. Kyun clears his throat, still no response, so he just sighs and pulls out the seat next to Shownu, leaving you to sit on the end of the table across from Hyungwon. He knew you would appreciate that, wanting to be as far away from Kihyun as possible, but two people down from you on the other side was still too close. The other 3 boys on the other side all look up when they hear the chairs being pulled out, nod at you both and go back to their food issues.

“Look, you three need to shut up for a moment and we need to ask these two what they would like now. So you three need to settle your issues ASAP otherwise this will just end up like last time” Shownu demands, tone very clearly desperate. “I’m okay with anything, I just want food” you say, which earns a smirk and a loud nose exhale from Kihyun, whatever that was meant to mean you had no idea and you didn’t really care to know. You didn’t even look his way, focusing on the menu Shownu handed to Kyun.

“Same for me, as long as you get some kind of beef for the barbecue I don’t care. Also as long as you three stop arguing so I can eat quicker” Kyun says, handing the menu back to Shownu. The other three pout and huff, settling on a meal and a barbecue option amongst each other. You’re rather shocked Kihyun hasn’t made a single dig at you yet, this is a new record for him, but you put it down to him being more concerned about his empty stomach for the time being. Hopefully when the food arrives he’s too busy scoffing food down his throat to be bothering you.

As per usual, Wonho ended up being the barbecue dad as he put the first load of meat onto the barbecue the sound of the satisfying sizzle filling your ears and everyone was happily digging into the dishes. The last dish arrives and you gasp in excitement and try to quickly finish your current food so you can grab some of the new one before all the boys finish it first with their bottomless stomachs. “Woah, relax and stop acting like a pig. The food won’t go anywhere” Kihyun laughs, widening his eyes at you in a mocking way.

“Kihyun what the fuck? Mind your own business and back off, dude” Kyun snaps.

‘Ah, here we go’ you think to yourself. You feel that pang in your stomach, wanting so badly to snap back at him instantly but you remember the car ride and decide to stay quiet. For some reason what he said this time actually hurts you. Why? You’re not sure, you hate it, you feel weak. You feel like running to the bathroom to hide the hurt that you’re pretty sure is showing clearly on your face, especially since you usually snap back instantly. You ignore Kihyun, don’t even glance at him and just continue to grab yourself a nice amount of the new dish and place it into your little bowl, trying your best to eat it without looking too upset. A few seconds later, Wonho finishes cooking the beef and takes everyone’s bowls and gives them a fair amount of it before putting the next load of meat on.

“Are you okay?” Hyungwon asks you quietly, leaning across the table. “Yeah I’m fine, just really tired from all my classes today” You give him a soft smile and a nod, appreciative that he actually checked up you even though you hate that it’s clear you are upset.

“Ah okay, I was worried that you we- “

“How has everyone’s week been?” Minhyuk yells from his end of the table, largely exaggerating the loudness of the restaurant chatter and music.

“We’re all University students, how interesting could any of our weeks have been?” Jooheon replies, beef stuffed in his mouth. “Well I’m sorry I’m just trying to make fucking conversation since none of you have made an attempt to” Minhyuk snaps, gesturing his hands out to everyone around the table and then clasping them together.

“Jooheon are you trying to imply that you actually go to class and spend your time outside of class actually studying?” Wonho says, not even glancing up as he turns over all the meat. Everyone on the table cracks up laughing.

“Hey! I was not implying anything, even if when I don’t go to classes; which I do most of the time by the way, I just stay home which still isn’t interesting… and I do study!” Jooheon leans back against the wall, arms firmly crossed with a grumpy pout on his face.

“It’s okay Joo, I think staying home and watching Netflix… or studying and going to class like you apparently do, is a lot more interesting and entertaining than being one of those students that goes out all the time and constantly gets drunk, high and is basically brain-dead 24/7” You say, stuffing the meat in your mouth into your cheeks.

“You can’t really say that when you’ve never been to even ONE party since you’ve started at University, you wouldn’t have any idea of how it’s ‘not fun’ or what fun even is. You just go to class every day and study and then stay cooped up in your dorm every weekend like a complete loser,” Kihyun doesn’t even breathe once, “oh and please, don’t talk with your mouth full”. Minhyuk whacks the back of Kihyun’s head, looking at you with sorrow. You felt your blood pressure rising, wishing so badly you could split his chopsticks in half and shove them up his ass. However, you just sat there looking down at your now empty bowl trying to hide how red your face now was and your throat closing up, feeling like you were going to cry out of frustration. If he made one more mean comment you were certain you were going to snap, and by that you mean snapping those chopsticks in half and sticking them where the sun doesn’t shine; which is absolutely nowhere near Kihyun.

You guys had finished all the food and were now having a nice catch up, telling each other the funny happenings that had occurred within the last month and a bit that you hadn’t met up properly as a whole group. The conversation though, had drifted to Changkyun, Wonho & Minhyuk ganging up on Jooheon and telling you all stories about the embarrassing things Joo did in high school.

“I cannot believe you did that!! When you were Vice Captain?! In front of the entire school board?!” You screamed.

“Don’t forget that it was a whole school assembly, too! He really just whipped out a little impromptu ‘hip hop dance routine’ in front of the whole school and the school board, you should’ve seen the look of pure horror on the Vice Principal’s face. He got in so much trouble for that and almost got his position taken away” Minhyuk said with a shit-eating grin.

“You’re the one that promised me if I did that you’d pay for my lunch everyday for the rest of the semester, it’s your fault!” Joo whines.

“And I did didn’t I? So why are you complaining?” Minhyuk sasses. “BECAUSE YOU’RE SITTING HERE TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT AN EMBARRASSING THING I DID BUT IT WAS YOU WHO MADE ME DO IT MAKING ME LOOK LIKE I DID IT OUT OF MY OWN ACCORD!”

“Because it’s a funny story, and I didn’t force you to, you had the choice to say no”

“NO YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME A CHOICE STOP LY- “

“Okay enough you two children” Shownu interjects. If he didn’t stop them now this would continue for way too long, they’re worse than you and Kihyun.

“Oh my gosh wait, Wonho! What about that time you told Minhyuk you’d give him $50 if he licked the swing-set” Changkyun gasps with the sudden memory.

“Wow, yes! The chain handle part”, Wonho laughs “and he actually did it and ended up in the nurse’s office because he instantly got really sick and had to stay home for the rest of week!”. Everyone bursts into laughter.

“Hey I don’t regret a thing, that $50 was worth it. I bought some sick gym shoes with that money” Minhyuk smiles. You were in tears with laughter.

“Man I wish I knew you guys in high school, you seem like you were even funnier and dumber back then” You cry.

“Hey, me and Kyun weren’t and aren’t dumb it was and is just those two” Wonho acts offended. You really do wish you knew them back then; it would’ve definitely made your dull high school life a lot brighter. You’re grateful you know them now of course, they make your stressful, overwhelming University life a lot more bearable. You and Kyun were both Literature students, Minhyuk, Hyungwon & Shownu all Dance & Performance students and then Joo & Wonho were Music Production students, where they met Kihyun as he is a Music Performance student and they work together a lot. The boys that already knew each other from school brought along their friends that they met in class who didn’t have friends to hang out with yet, and then you all became a close nit group and all friends with each other separately… well, except for two of you.

“I don’t know Wonho, I’d say you’re also pretty dumb” You say slowly with a sneaky grin, “are we not going to address that very dumb, embarrassing thing you accidentally did in class no less than what, two weeks ago?”. He looks at you confused.

“Remember, Jooheon messaged the group chat instantly screaming out of secondhand embarrassment?” You push.

“Oh- OH GOD yeah we aren’t going to address it remember I asked specifically for nobody to ever talk about it again that’s why we haven’t spoke about it and won’t” Wonho blushes, “it was very traumatic for me and I removed it from my brain and now you’ve reminded me and now I’m going to cry myself to sleep tonight”.

“But you admit that you are pretty dumb, right? At least sometimes” You laugh.

“Are you serious? You’re straight making fun of him for something that he seems genuinely humiliated by and didn’t ever want to talk about again. That’s so rude why would you joke about something like that?” Kihyun snaps at you before Wonho can reply. You feel that pang in your stomach again, genuinely taken aback.

“Dude chill, I know she was just playing around. I was also joking, it’s not that deep” Wonho replies, glaring at Kihyun. You slam your hands on the table and stand up, staring at him like you’re about to stab him with the barbecue scissors. The rest of the boys stare at you in shock, expecting you to rip into him. Instead of doing that like you wanted to, you just turn around and walk out the door of the restaurant, quickly wiping away the tears that are falling out of your eyes.

You sat on the bench outside the restaurant, far away from the window where the boys sat so they couldn’t see you. Your elbows are propped up on your thighs, with with your face resting in your palms and you’re staring at the ground. Your tears are dried by this point but you know if you think too hard they will fall again; which your brain keeps trying to do but you refuse to let it, you will just think of nothing. Your phone keeps vibrating and you know its probably one of the boys - most likely Kyun, trying to text or call you but you really don’t want to talk to any of them right now. You’ll just get the bus or train home later. Suddenly, you feel someone’s hand on your back as you see them sit down next to you. It was Changkyun.

“Hey” He says quietly. You don’t reply.

“Just so you know, before you even got out the door we all let Kihyun have it. For real, none of us are okay with what he was doing tonight it was ridiculous and not okay at all” Kyun grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You reciprocate.

“He was a straight bully tonight; it wasn’t even just the typical little petty digs they were actually mean, especially since you weren’t fighting back. I’m sorry for saying that he only does it because you react, you should’ve defended yourself” He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I- I tried to but, for some reason I just didn’t… I couldn’t. I wanted to tear him to shreds but my body just wouldn’t follow through” You choked out, tears welling up in your eyes again.

“It’s okay, just know that none of us boys are okay with what he did tonight and I mean you saw us defending you when you were there. We’ve made sure he knows that he won’t ever be allowed to come out with us again if he’s going to pull that again” Kyun looks into your eyes, making sure you know that he’s serious. You smile up at him, feeling so cared for and loved as a tear falls from your eye. It was a happy tear. Kyun wipes it off your cheek with his free hand.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home” Kyun stands up in front of you and helps you up.

“Thank you, Kyun”, You say, looking up at him for a few seconds before wrapping your arms around his torso “I know we joke around a lot and fight, and I know you find affection gross but, I really do love you a lot and I’m so grateful for you” you silently cry into his chest. Thank god he’s wearing black.

“It’s okay, I love you too. Also I don’t find it gross, alright, just too much of it but at times like this it’s nice” He says. You giggle as he softly pokes your cheek, keeping his hand locked with yours as he walks you to his car.

Changkyun had actually convinced you to come to a party, you don’t know why he wanted you to go, but he did. All the boys were going to be there why did he need you there? He said it was just to get you out of the house so you can clear your mind and forget about your worries for a bit, but you weren’t convinced that was the only reason why, but it was all he would tell you when you would press for an answer. It’s not that you didn’t like parties - you did, it was more the people that were going to be there, doing drugs and all the guys that will try and get in your pants just for the sake of it rather than actually being interested in you in any way. Anyways, you decided to go for the reason he said, just to get yourself out of the house and you hadn’t had a good party in a while and a reason to get all dressed up (totally nothing to do with the reason that you knew Kihyun would be there and you wanted to prove to him that you can have a fun time). You planned your outfit in your head for days in advance, and you were so happy when it actually looked great on you and by some miracle your makeup cooperated with you and came out beautifully, too. You look hot, you’d 100% fuck yourself if you were someone else. You actually feel good about yourself and excited for this party, it really is a miracle. You weren’t going to let anything… or anyone ruin your night. You’re spritzing yourself with perfume when you here the beep of a car outside, you immediately know it’s Changkyun. You grab your bag and do one last look over of yourself in the mirror; taking a quick selfie or two, or three, and then quickly running out of the door while Changkyun beeps at you to hurry up. You run outside and while you’re trying to lock your door properly Jooheon starts beeping the car horn repeatedly, you flip him off as you watch him start laughing his ass off in the front seat. Once you lock your door you quickly walk to the back door, hearing Jooheon still laughing before you even open the door. Shownu gets out of the car so you can sit in the middle.

“You’re such a child! it really isn’t that funny” You frown, climbing into the middle seat. Jooheon lets out a ‘hoo’ as he wipes a tear away. “I think it was hilarious” Jooheon breathes, relaxing back into the passenger seat.

“She’s right, it really wasn’t” Shownu agrees as he gets back in the seat next to you and shuts the door. Wonho and Changkyun both agree with you and Shownu. “Fuck you guys” Jooheon pouts. Changkyun turns up the radio and reverses out of your driveway. You were really excited for this party.

The music was blasting; you could feel every part of your body vibrate with the bass. It had been about 2 hours since you arrived and you were pretty tipsy, borderline drunk. You had lost sight of any of your friends, the boys, classmates or friends you made literally 5 minutes ago at this party. You’re lost in the music and the tingly, happy feeling that was overtaking your body, you’re dancing the night away, along with any worry you had about anything in your life prior to coming to this party. At least you were, until you feel someone tap you on your shoulder; which you ignored because you thought you were imagining it, and if it was real you wanted them to leave you alone because you were having fun. Unfortunately, it is real and they keep persisting so you turn around angrily. You immediately scrunch your face up in disgust. It’s Kihyun.

“I need to talk to you” He slurs, grabbing onto your shoulder for support as he almost trips onto you.

“No you don’t! Fuck off” You say in a matter-of-fact tone, immediately smack his hand off you. You storm off, Kihyun following behind you.

“Please! It’s important, please just let me do it I can’t wait until next month when I next see you to talk to you, please” He begs, yelling in your ear over the music. “Then don’t. Simple” You snap back. You walk fast, pushing through the crowd of people struggling to make it through them without tripping over, the effects of your last drink starting to push you past tipsy. You’re looking for even one of the boys or just anyone to help get Kihyun away from you, which is really hard in this state and with Kihyun hot on your trail trying to plead with you. You see Minhyuk watching a game of beer pong; cheering and being even more loud than usual. You quickly run up to him and pull on his sleeve.

“Minhyuk please help me”, you look at him with big puppy eyes “Kihyun keeps saying he needs to talk to me, he won’t leave me alone and is practically harassing me, please help”.

He looks down at you, then behind you to Kihyun, then back to you.

“Oh yeah, we all told him he should talk to you”, your face changes to one of utter confusion “you should listen to him, he wants to apologise because he genuinely feels horrible. You don’t have to accept it but I think just listening to him would be good for the both of you”. You look offended, how could the boys just do that to you? After Kihyun did that to you and made you feel like complete and utter shit? Why would you ever want to listen to him or talk to him again?

“You know that I’m always honest with you, I understand why you don’t want to talk to him or listen to him – I wouldn’t want to either if I were you, but I really think it would be good for both of you to talk out your differences and it would be better for all of us, too. As someone who loves drama, I really want the both of you to just talk shit out and at least be civil. You don’t have to forgive him but just listen to what he has to say, please” Minhyuk slurs, looking you dead in the eyes. The fact he was being so wise in this intoxicated was really saying something. You sighed, he was right. Even if you just ended up hating him more, maybe he was actually genuinely sorry and would stop being an asshole from now on. You may not forgive him, not for a while, but at least you could possibly work towards being… friends?? You turn to Kihyun, seeing him looking pretty pathetic looking at you with such pleading eyes. You take his hand and guide him through the crowd in attempt to find any kind of empty room further away from the pounding music. You doubted you would have any luck though.

Even a wardrobe would suffice but you were really struggling to find an empty room of some sort. If there wasn’t already someone passed out on the bed, throwing up in the bathroom there was a couple (or more) getting up to frisky business – and obviously you couldn’t ignore any of those situations to talk to Kihyun without disturbing what was going on in the room… or disturbing yourself with the latter. You go upstairs and most of the rooms are again, taken, but you finally come across one at the end of the hall that isn’t. You half sigh, half yell a ‘finally’ and drag him in the room, locking the door behind you. You’re so relieved to be able to finally let go of Kihyun’s hand, turning to stand in front of him with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Well?” You gesture for him to start; he just looks at you with a very vacant expression on his face and you sigh in annoyance.

“Are you going to tell me what you begged me to listen to you for? This is your only chance and I suggest you don’t waste it” You tap your foot, already getting impatient. He perks up like a little puppy, suddenly remembering what he was here for.

“Oh, right. I-uh, just wanted to apologise for the other night. I was a real asshole and there’s no excuse for the things I said and did, it wasn’t even banter or petty things like it usually is it was straight bullying and I feel horrible when I remember it. I don’t even know why I kept going after you didn’t react or respond the first time, but it doesn’t matter; point is, I’m sorry. I’m really, really, sorry” Kihyun rambles, slurring and struggling to find the right words.

“Okay. Are you happy now? That I listened to… that? Will you stop harassing me? Can I leave now?” You say barely even acknowledging his apology, you really did find it pathetic and couldn’t bare to be alone in a room with him any longer. You started to walk towards the door but Kihyun stopped you.

“Are you kidding me?” He questions angrily, grabbing your arm to stop you from leaving. You frown and smack his hand off you.

“What?” You snap.

“That’s it? You can’t even acknowledge anything I said?” He says, seeming actually hurt. “Well I for sure am not forgiving you, what else do you want me to do, Kihyun? Because I really can’t even stand being alone in this room with you right now” You try to push past him but he won’t budge.

“You don’t have to forgive me; I just want to know you actually listened to me” He says surprisingly calm. He looks like a kicked puppy and you feel so fucking strange seeing Kihyun look anything but cocky and angry for once in his life.

“You’re being ridiculous, Kihyun. Of course I listened to you why would I bring you all this way, struggle to find a room for us to use for 5 seconds to not listen to you at all? Especially if seeing you so desperate to apologise to me brings me such joy?” You say it as if you were explaining it to a child, dragging out that last sentence especially longer. You see Kihyun’s expression changing to the usual one of anger, god you’re getting so much enjoyment of having the higher ground right now.

“Not to mention”, you walk closer to his face “that ‘apology’ was nothing short of just, plain pathetic”. Using your finger to put the quotations around ‘apology’, you have the biggest smirk on your face. Kihyun runs his tongue over his cheeks as he steps closer to you, inches from your face. You don’t cower one bit, in fact you look him dead in the eyes as you chuckle.

“Pathetic?” He questions, looking down at you.

“Hopeless, pitiful, miserable, plain fucking shit or whatever you wish to call it, really” You reply, not even trying to hide your enjoyment. You barely finished your sentence before Kihyun turns you around and slams you into the wall, arms either side of your head. He did it so quickly you’re actually shocked, especially since he’s drunk and his reaction times are meant to be slower.

“You’re really, really fucking pushing it” He whispers, spacing out his words to make sure you’re perfectly understanding how angry you’re making him. “And? As if you’re going to do anything about it” You scoff, arms crossed over your chest. You refuse to show any sign of intimidation, though you actually are quite shocked right now. His gaze doesn’t move from your face, he’s breathing heavily and you hate this tension surrounding you both right now, its silent apart from the screaming of everyone outside and the muffle of the music downstairs. You see Kihyun’s gaze fall to your lips for a second, so brief that you wondered if it was even real or if you were making it up.

“See, I knew it. You’re not going to do anything because you’re just as pathetic as that apology wa-” Before you can even finish your sentence Kihyun slams his lips into yours. Your eyes are wide, part of you wants to push him away but an even bigger part of you refuses to back down. You slide on your hands to his hair, entangling your fingers in it and pulling harshly, he moans in response. He deepens the kiss, a hand on your neck and a hand on your back, pulling you closer to him. You slide your tongue against his lip and he responds by sliding his tongue in your mouth, refusing to let you take even the tiniest bit of dominance. You bite and pull on his lip as you pull away, breathless. You lean your head back on the wall as he starts leaving kisses along your jaw, moving down to your neck. Your hand is still pulling on his hair and your other one is latched onto his shoulder. His hands move down to your ass, squeezing it.

“You better not leave hickeys, we’re not high schoolers” You whisper. He lets out a scoff as he moves his hands down to your thighs, signalling for you to wrap your legs around him. You do so, kissing down his neck to his collarbones as he moves you to the bed. He throws you onto the sheets, you open your legs as he slides his body in between them. You start making out, even more heated than before, your lips and tongues moving in sync. Kihyun moves his hand up to your hair, pulling on it as you whine and press your hips up into his, he grinds down against you in response. You slide your hands under his shirt, digging your nails into his chest and he groans as he continues grinding into you harshly. His hand that is on your hip slides down your thigh, moving it up and around his back as he pulls away from the kiss, breathless and he sits up to slide his shirt off. For fucks sake, why does he have to be so attractive yet so annoying.

“Are you going to actually do anything or just continue to play around?” You pant, staring up at him. Before he can answer or do anything in response you flip the both of you over so you’re now straddling him. You roll your hips over his crotch a few times, feeling his bulge very prominently through your panties under your skirt. He tries to flip you back over but you put your hands on his shoulders and give him a look that makes him fall back and give up. You slide your shirt off, revealing your cute, lacy bra that you always wore to these kind of occasions in case you did get some action and would look at that? This time you actually did. You give Kihyun a passionate kiss on the lips and pull away quickly to start kissing down his jaw agonisingly slow, he accidentally lets a little whimper slip as his eyes flutter shut which makes you giggle softly, he’s actually cute when he’s needy. You then move to his neck, then his chest, then his stomach all the way down past his belly button and stop at the hem of his jeans. He snaps his eyes open as he looks down at you with dark eyes and you just bite your lip and give a bratty smile in response. You don’t break eye contact as you undo his belt, pulling it out and throwing it on the ground to then unzip his jeans and yank them off. You walk your fingers up his thigh, stopping just before you reach his bulge.

“Stop teasing or I swear to go-” He growls, you started palming him through his boxers before he even finished his sentence and he ended it in the cutest whine you’ve ever heard. You smile as his hips snap up instinctively at even the tiniest bit of friction as you slowly palm him, curling your fingers to fit around his shaft. He has one hand gripping the sheets and another around the headboard, he’s trying to keep his hips still but is really struggling to not roll against your hand. You decide he’s had enough teasing for now and stop palming him to pull down the waistband of his boxers, pulling them all the way off. His dick snaps up as soon as the boxers are off it, hitting his stomach and he grunts at the sudden contact of air against his throbbing cock. Once his boxers are discarded, you wrap your hand around the bottom of his shaft and start to pump him, flicking your wrist as your hand moves up and down. Kihyun immediately snaps his hips up, breathing out a ‘fuck’ as he watches you through half close eyelids. You hate to admit it but, he looks so pretty right now. Precum is already starting to leak out of his tip, so you bring your mouth to it and slowly lick it off with the tip of your tongue. Kihyun throws his head back with a choked moan as you slowly circle your tongue around his tip, you place your lips around and suck harshly, never stopping the movement of your hand. His hand gripping the sheet starts feeling around for your head, gripping onto your hair and trying to push you down so you’d take him in your mouth.

“Keep being pushy and I will stop everything and walk out of this room” You snap. He immediately loosens his grip on your hair and you go back to sucking on his tip again, flattening your tongue as you slowly take him in your mouth. Kihyun grunts and bites his lip hard, trying to stop any kind of moan from slipping out. He looks down at you as you’re bobbing your head up and down, bringing your hand up to meet your lips as you pump him at the same time.

“You know, if you weren’t so annoying I’d say you look so hot right now” He says, struggling to speak without it coming out in a moan. You roll your eyes, he was very dumb to say that because you are literally sucking his dick and could bite it off at any moment… but he also implied that you look hot, which sent tingles right down to your clit. You removed your hands and moved your mouth all the way down to the bottom of his shaft, almost gagging as he hit the back of your throat. His grip on your hair tightens again and he guides your head up and down, your grip hard on his thighs as you try not to gag. You’ve hollowed out your cheeks and flattened out your tongue as you suck along with your head movements.

“I’m so close” Kihyun breathes, the muscles in his lower stomach visibly tightening. You remove his hand from your hair so that you can fasten your pace, bringing your hand back in to pump him again. He throws his back, cursing repeatedly and you feel his dick twitch in your mouth. Right as he reaches the peak of his high you take him out of your mouth and remove your hand, sitting up on his leg to watch and relish in his agony. His head snaps up as his face darkens immediately.

“Oh baby, you are going to regret that” Kihyun coos, the way ‘baby’ rolls off his tongue unsettles you and causes a very hot feeling in your core.

“Don’t call me baby” You command, returning his dark gaze. He sits up and pushes you down on the bed, your head hanging off the end of the bed. He reaches his hand down under your skirt, pressing his index finger hard along your slit; applying the most pressure where your clit is. You bite your lip, whining a little.

“Wow you’re already so wet and I’ve done absolutely nothing” He says cockily. “If you’re really going to be this cocky already you better be bloody good” You snap, rolling your hips against his finger. He chuckles and nods, fair argument. He starts to rub your clit through your panties, making you gasp at the sudden movement. He uses his other hand to unclasp your bra and slide it off your arms, he throws it to the side and immediately starts to kiss and suck on your tits. You run your hands through his hair as he assaults your chest and clit at the same time. He moves your panties to the side and slides his index and middle finger into your hole, moving his thumb to your clit. You let a loud moan slip, his fingers curling right up to your sweet spot. After he’s pleased with the pretty bruises he’s left all over your tits he slides his lips down your body until he’s at the hem of your skirt. You lift your head up to watch him, he smirks up at you as he slides his other hand under your skirt to the hem of your panties, pulling them down your thighs slowly. Knowing what was about to come gave you such a restless rush in your core. You kicked your legs, ushering him to hurry up and he smiles at your desperateness, he pulls them off one leg and holds your other leg up and slides them off. Once discarded, he bends your leg over his shoulder and he lays back down on his stomach, lining his head in between your legs. He starts to kiss up your thigh, stopping for a split second as he reaches your heat before lifting your skirt over his head. He then uses his fingers to part your lips as he licks a stripe up your slit. You arch your back, both hands moving to his hair immediately. He doesn’t waste a second before he starts kissing and sucking on your clit and his fingers return to pumping themselves in and out of your entrance. All the pleasure from when he was only fingering you before returns and intensifies, not having to catch back up to where it was before. At this rate you will be coming within seconds. You pull on Kihyun’s hair as you push your hips down to his face, begging for more. He flicks his tongue against your clit rapidly as he curls his two fingers up into your g-spot at the same pace, making you scream. You have to swing one hand over to the sheets to grip tightly otherwise you were afraid you’d explode. You hated that you were about to come this quick, but you just put it down to waiting for your turn for what felt like hours. You don’t tell Kihyun that you’re close because you already know what he will do, so you just don’t say anything and hope you come before he can stop. He starts sucking on your clit and feels it throb as your walls tighten around his fingers, he decides to let you build it up even more before he stops. You start panting and whining, curses falling from your lips as your eyes squeeze shut. He feels your thighs and muscles tightening around his head and once your hips start to rise more against his face, he stops and pulls his head back out from under your skirt. You don’t realise for a few seconds but once you do you immediately sit up and try to kick him, but he just smirks and slides you over to the top of the bed on the pillows. He wastes no time in pumping himself and lining himself up in front of your entrance, you look down, wide eyed. You didn’t expect this, but you hate how much you want it. He slides himself in with a groan, and you wrap your legs around his hips. He snaps his hips into yours and leans his head into your shoulder as he starts thrusting. The thrusts are deep and at a moderate pace, not wanting to go too fast just yet. Your high already starts building up again, your nails are digging into his shoulders, but with the sweat and movement of his body with his thrusts they start slipping and leaving deep scratch marks down his back. He hissed at the stinging sensation of the scratches coming into contact with the air and saltiness of his sweat, he loved the light pain of it. You couldn’t even moan as you felt like you were about to burst, just whine and whimper, trying to grab back onto Kihyun’s shoulder when your nails reach the end of his back. You tighten your thighs around his hips as your walls tighten around his cock thrusting into your g-spot. Your back arches as you start panting and whimpering, Kihyun holding onto the headboard to be able to reach you deeper. He has his forehead against yours, eyes shut tight as he tries so hard to maintain. You finally come undone as your walls throb around him, pushing him closer to his high. You’re moaning what sounds like his name amongst other things, which is secretly driving him crazy in the best way possible. While you’re still in the middle of your orgasm Kihyun flips you over, shoving your face into the pillow which catches you by surprise. He pulls your hips up with him as he gets up on his knees and starts to thrust faster, hitting you from a new angle but still so deep and so sweet. Your walls are still clenched tightly around him, not coming down from your high but rather building a new one from where you were just at which you really aren’t sure if you can handle. Kihyun licks his fingers and starts to rub your clit with his four fingers, sending unfathomable pleasure straight to the deepest part of your core. You push your hips back against him as you shove your face deeper into the pillow and grip the pillow until your knuckles turn white, about to cry from the pleasure you’re feeling everywhere. You’re sure you’re about to explode for real this time. You let out a muffled scream into the pillow as you come again, your body shakes as it rocks through your whole body. Kihyun’s thrust become sloppy as he feels your walls throbbing against him and sees your juices dripping down your thighs and it pushes him over the edge, he rubs your clit a few more times as he reaches the peak of his high. Before he ejaculates he flips you back over so he can come all over your chest as he pumps himself empty. He’s letting out low moans as he looks down at your face, loving how fucked out and flushed you look. Once he’s all empty he falls back onto the bed next to you.

“I think I win that one” He sighs, breathless. You just turn to look at him, your expression unreadable. You struggle to get yourself up, going blind as you try not to fall on the floor after getting up and hold onto the bed for balance. You walk to the bathroom to clean yourself up, using toilet paper to clean up your chest, noticing all the hickeys but not complaining about them. You brush your hair out neatly with your fingers and wipe off your smudged lipstick and use another bit of toilet paper to dab some sweat off your forehead and face. Once you’re satisfied you walk back out into the bedroom to see Kihyun hasn’t moved, you start to get dressed back into your clothes. Kihyun watches you, not saying anything and you’re glad he isn’t. As you walk past him to leave the room he stops you and grabs your wrist.

“I really am sorry, though” He smiles softly. You snap your hand away harshly.

“You’re going to have to do better than that”

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 5 years ago

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Fall Back to the Jet

Summary- Bucky x Y/N (Steve, Natasha, and Sam features) Cap tells you to fall back to the Quinnjet, but you decide on another option. Lucky Buckys close by. Warning- Violence, swearing. Written for @hopingforbarnes 250 Writing Challenge. Congrats!!!! Prompt is in bold italiacs.

Word Count- 1.9k

It was all going smooth till Steve spoke directly to you in his com “Y/N, we have it from here, fall back to the quinnjet”

You were still the rookie although its been a year, and Steve was the Captain, No one defies the captain, except for you. You eyed the open doorway the hydra agent just went into, taking a deep breath as your resolve settled, you werent going to sit on the quinjet any longer while the rest cleaned up. Ducking into the dark doorway, you stalked down the stairs while hearing your name being yelled at in the com “Y/N, I TOLD YOU TO FALL BACK” Sorry Cap, not this time.

There are times in your life you maybe regret a decision, this was one of them. You thought the room was clear, sweeping your sights back and forth from the other end of a rifle, when there was a clip to the back of your head, knocking you forward and stupidly dropping your gun. “You Mother Fucker!” you yelp, and turn to face your opponent, twisting your head slightly to knock out the kink he put in your neck. He was well over twice your size, his meaty hands flexing to get around that slim column of your neck, you could see it in his eyes when he lunged at you, side stepping around him with a kick. It was like bouncing your foot off cement and didnt phase him much, smirking at you as he came at you again. “SHIT!” you state as you start blocking and trying to attack back.

“Bucky you got her?” Steve hissed as they barged into a lab and Steve threw up the shield, blocking the barrage of bullets aimed at the two men.

“Yea I got her” Bucky ducking behind the shield and once in a while lifting behind from it and aiming his own specially trained on targets rounds, he twisted away and went back out the way he came, using his vibranium arm to slam open doors to see them empty. “Come on Y/N, where the hell are you?” He snarled, until he heard you cussing out someone and the shallow sound of flesh getting pounded on. He hoped that it would be you doing the pounding, but when he opened the door, that certainly wasnt the case.

Bucky came into you looking twisted around the mans arm, and him slamming you down into the floor, doing your best to keep your head from being bashed in, attempting a kick into his face, his throat, just about anywhere to get him to release his hold. Blood ran down the side of your face from your scalp and your words were flying just as much as anytime youve ever been pissed off, regardless of the situation. “If you dont let me the fuck go you dick wilted asswipe, Im gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.” If Bucky wasnt scared as hell for you at the moment, he would have rolled his eyes at you, once he realized the way you were being flung back and forth wasnt gonna allow him to take a shot, he shouldered the weapon.Close attack it would be

Without another pause, Bucky strode forward, his strides wide and his metal arm slammed into the hyrdra agents side of the head, jarring his hand to open wrapped around your neck and you fell to the floor from a considerable height,snapping the back of your skull against the cement with a sharp cry. Rolling away from the two men clashing like titans above you. Bucky was shorter in stature then the hydra agent was, but much more quick on his feet, as well as being a super soldier, it wasnt exactly a fair hand on hand fight. Within minutes the agent was merely blocking the bone rattling blows Bucky was issuing, you were crawling across the floor to where you dropped your weapon, sitting back and putting it to your shoulder, waiting to get a clear shot.

Buckys silver hand wrapped around the back of the mans neck, the plates clinking as he tightened pressure and swung him around right in the aim of your shot, you lining hydra right up in your cross hairs, and pulling the trigger. Barnes turned his face away to keep from getting splattered from brain matter and blood. Loosening his hold, the hydras body, minus the top of his skull, collapsed with a dull thud. You lower the rifle and wince, placing your hand against your head. “Bucky... he got me pretty good.” Your vision going in and out at the moment.

“Jesus Christ Doll” He hisses as he sidesteps around the body and goes to you, his hands cupping your face to look in your eyes. “Can you focus on me?” You blink a few times and wide eyed stare right at him best you can.

“Hows that?” You question, grinning stupidly since your just glad Bucky got there in time. He frowned a bit and sighed, wrapping you in his arm to get you to stand.

“Steve, I got her, Im taking her back to the Jet.” He spoke, not to you though and you didnt bother trying to get an answer. With his assistance, you two hobbled, less with sleuth, but with plenty of pauses for Bucky to check to make sure the coast was clear, the two of you headed outside. Sam was already in the jet, waiting on the two of you.

“Steve and Nat are finishing up downloading the computer files, then they will join us. Come on Kid, I got a spot waiting for you.”

“She had her head hit pretty badly” Bucky stated as you two followed Sam inside, going to sit you down, a wave of nausea threatened to upchuck whatever breakfast was, which what was that again? Oh yea, bowl of Wheaties, you remarking to Steve and Bucky this morning across the table.

“Breakfast of Champs!” You werent exactly feeling like a champ right now.

Sam looked you over to, prying one eyelid open, then the other. “I think shes going to be okay, but once we reach the compound we will be able to take a closer look.” Bucky settled in beside you and you pried them open once more.

“Thanks for coming for me.”

It was this moment Steve and Natasha returned, Steve snapping past you without acknowledging you at the moment. “Get us home Sam” his voice clipped, and Natasha plopped down next to you, her eyes brimming with worry. “Hey, we win some, we loose some right? You also got a hard head, I know.” She teased, having sparred and tumbled with you plenty of times. Steve stayed up at the front with Sam for the moment, but once he was sure you were okay, back home, you were most likely gonna get one of the famous Cap speeches youve seen him dish out to other agents. For now you were content to lay your head on Buckys shoulder, his hand resting against his knee, palm up. Without hesitating, you weave your fingers with his and he gives them a gentle squeeze. It might amaze others just how gentle he could be with that vibranium limb of his. Not you though.

When the jet lands, you walk off, much more in control then before, but Bucky still hovers nearby and follows you into the medic bay. Quickly your head is checked over, a flashlight shining in your eyes, follow the finger, clean up the scrapes and blood. “Your gonna be dizzy for a few days, so nothing strenuous.”

In this moment, you were okay with that.

Steve came in, his demeanor still snapping in anger, but a touch calmer then before. He glanced at the medic and asked “Please, give us a few moments Ma’am, then you can have your patient back.” Bucky moved to take over bandaging the rest of you up as the medic left the room to the three of you.

He looked at you, hands moving to rest against his hips as he seemed to asses you. “I heard your okay, Y/N. Good, you gave your team quite a scare.” You did have the audacity to look a bit sheepish, but felt the need to defend your actions. “I know, I honestly thought I had him.”

“Thought, not good enough. Your still fairly new to the team...” This caused a look from you while Bucky patched up the back of your head as best he could. “So I think a bit more team building practices are in order Y/N. Until then, field work is off the table.”

“What? Steve, come on.” You go to push Bucky back so you can stand up, but hes firm, firmer then you can give him credit for. “It was one mistake, I made a bad call.”

“Yea, could have gotten you killed. Your always trying to think solo and you just cant. Were a team Y/N. We work together. Ive already made the decision.”

You kinda gape as Steve turns to leave, fuming. You swear your heads going to blow like in those old bugs bunny cartoons where it goes off like a train whistle. “That son of a bitch just benched me. BENCHED ME!” This time you manage to move to a stand, about to storm off after Steve, but Bucky caught your arm and sat your ass back down.

“Youve got to calm down before I can fix you up, Okay?” Bucky said calmly as he works diligently. His hands just as gentle as ever, you can barely even tell hes doing anything. You stay as still as you can, fighting back frustrated tears at the Captain benching you like this. Your tired and sore, your reaction just adding to your already bad day. “It was one mistake, one. I just hate always being told to go back to the jet when I could be helping you guys out. It was a bad call on my part, but fuck... I just wanted to be useful. I cant believe how bad this has turned into.”

Bucky is silent for a moment before he pulls back and studies your face momentarily, and sighs. “Listen, I will talk to Steve, okay? Right now hes just being a dick. He will give everyone else crap about not following orders, but damned if he does.” You wipe at your face to get rid of the frustrated tears build up and arched your brows, hopeful.

“You would really do that Bucky? If he says yes, I promise I wont mess up again.”

“Course I would, and let me tell you, Steve wouldnt have listened either.” He went to pick up the tools and waste sitting on the table nearby, and scrubbed his hands clean. “Let him just cool off, hes probably speaking in worry as well Y/N. He doesnt always show it, but your just as much family as the rest of us.”

Tentatively you go to stand, touching the bandages he finished securing gently and wincing. Without even asking he held out some aspirin that you popped immediately. “How about we go crash on the couch? You still owe me live commentary on that second little people going to drop some jewelry in a fiery hole movie. What was it again?”

This caused you to laugh. “The Twin Towers? Sounds good Bucky”

@what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish

#hopingforbarnes250writingchallenge #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #steve rogers #sam wilson #natasha romanoff #mcu #marvel #writing challenge #amber writes

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nthrr · 5 years ago

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A Second Chance

Summary: 'Who are you?' He wanted to know, know every single thing about her, things that one shouldn't want to know about a person who holds a gun on them. A second chance at love for the ones that were robbed of it.

It had been days since he had had a good nights sleep free from dreams. He didn't know why but since his childhood he had dreams that had followed the same theme. A world full of fantasy, honour and war. In his childhood those dreams seemed like an entry into the unknown, a world full of wonders and action that a little boy thoroughly enjoyed and embraced. But as he had grown older, had gotten better at understanding the world around himself , the dreams changed, their meanings changed. Cheerful laughter and abundance of love that shone through the dreams changed. The first time he experienced a life leaving its body through his own hands, he was fourteen. Waking up screaming he had thoroughly frightened his parents. Chalking it up to nightmares didn't seem to work in their household because once is a chance, twice is a coincidence but repeatedly for past how many ever years that he had started speaking from, explaining to his parents a world from history books that they attributed to his imagination, that had frightened them. A slew of doctors came and went, medicines consumed but the dreams didn't seem to stop. He stopped taking those medicines when he had accidentally overdosed due to him being delirious with not having slept in three days. It was a great fight with his parents but slowly he had them accept that those medicines were not improving him at all. Turning to yoga and meditation brought him a sense of calm but those dreams, those dreams where he was an royal, the feeling of a sword slicing the air around him, an all encompassing feeling of motherly love and devotion , the feeling of complete content and happiness as if he had found his soulmate, they never left and to tell the truth , he would rather have them along with sleepless nights with nightmares than do without them.

Inspite of all this he had an loving childhood, and a promising career. His family owns the prestigious Mahismathi Industries, a pioneer in the field of technology. Being the only heir apparent of MI , his life and future is set. But the thirst of knowledge and the fire to prove that he deserves the position made him an overachiever in his studies and in the work he started doing for MI. His parents seem to be happy that he is thriving despite his struggles in mental health and that has lead to what is now a big problem for him. Marriage. The thing he totally despises. Don't get him wrong he has no qualms about love, and he had gone on dates and had a few one night stands. But marriage is different. It's a partnership more than anything else. What was he to say to his future wife, that he has recurring dreams and nightmares and that he'll wake up screaming somedays, babble in a strange language on others, sometimes wake up kicking and punching so would you please learn some self defense or sorry we cant sleep in the same bed. Or should he say I'll try to love you but sorry I think I can't because I already love someone, oh it's just someone I dream of regularly, and no she's not real, yes I'm pretty sure, no I would not like an admittance to a mental hospital thanks. He would be really glad when this marriage talk comes to an end.

He prays for this recent bout of sleeplessness to end , he is getting sick of his own growchiness. Hearing his alarm blare out he groans and covers himself with his sheets willing the world to just disappear away. A few minutes later hearing the second alarm go off he huffs before throwing away his sheets and stumbles to the bathroom. He considers calling in sick for a few moments after he sees his reflection in the mirror, he really looks like a zombie, but then he curses himself for his very own good work ethics. Besides the vultures at the company would swoop in at just a peak of a mistake to point and complain. It was getting ridiculous, he was only in a mid management position now, both him and his parents agreeing that he should start low at the food chain, getting an experience at different levels in the company. But some people at the board still try to sabotage him at every turn. The thing was they knew his place at the top is cemented but they still try at every chance they get. He could even appreciate the ones that go about it in a clever way, because they could be useful for him in the long term but those stupid ones, he just doesn't know what to do about them.

Cursing the board members mentally, he got ready and hurried out of his house hoping he won't be late. Just as he was about to start the car his cellphone went off. Seeing that it was his mother calling and wondering she would at this time of the day he answered the call,

'Amma, good morning, why are you calling this early, any problem?' He inquired.

'Amar, good morning my son, did you sleep well'

'Ya ma, got some sleep , what's the matter , is everything ok?' It wasnt like his mother to call him in the early hours of the day. This call was making him a bit worried.

'Yes, good, everything is fine, don't worry and stop being a pessimist '

'Tell that to my mother who calls early in the morning to a son who she's going to see probably in an hour or so' he countered back.

'Stop sassing me, lord knows I get enough of that from your father and stop chuckling, like father like son', He tries vainly to cover his laughs. Like father, as if, he hasn't seen anyone in his life actually verbally spar with his mother and come out unscathed.

'Ok ok sorry, I'm stopping so why did you call' If he doesn't stop his mother now he would still be getting told off an hour from now.

'Oh that, I just wanted to ask you to collect a package from Ragupathy uncle on the way. Its the family heirloom from Andhra that got lost and was got back in an auction, uncle has it and he said he would deliver it personally, but it seems he has an urgent business meeting coming up and wont be able to come by so he asked me to send you by to pick it up'

'Cant you ask someone else ma, I'm getting pretty late, and if it really has to be me I can even pick it up in the evening' he tries.

'Amarnath, didn't I already say your uncle is going away on a business trip , and no I cant send anyone else because it's a family heirloom and it costs twenty two millions. And how many times do I have to say you are the boss of MI and you are allowed to be late sometimes. '

'Cool down cool down, dont get tensed, your blood pressure is already high, I'll go ok, and i really shouldn't be late even when I'm the boss' This was an age old argument in their home and today wasnt the day that it was going to be resolved.

'Really cant change you dear, but that is also why you are the heir to MI and your cousin Balla is not'

'Dont you get started on him now amma, and got to go now if I'm getting your package too along the way '

'Dont grumble too much will you, doesn't suit you'

'Ok amma got to go bye'

'Hmm , drive safely dear , bye'.

Ending the call with his mother , he started the car and turned it towards his uncle's home. Arriving in under twenty minutes, he rushed to the door and rang the bell. The door opened to reveal panja aunty a maid in his uncles home who welcomed him warmly. Asking for his uncle he was directed to the study in the upper floor. Knocking on the door and entering he found his uncle rushing around trying to fit as many things as he could in the bag of his.

'Amarnath, thank you my son for coming so quickly , I really didn't know who to trust with such an important piece of item. Thank God you're here'

'Its no problem uncle, mom said you have an antique piece for her?'he ended it as a question, trying not to let his frustrations show about how late it was getting.

Giving a confirmation his uncle went to the safe in the corner and brought an ornately carved box about the size of a shoe box.

'Take great care of this Amar, this thing does not only contain our family's money but also our history and legacy. Be careful will you?'

'I'll be careful uncle, it's already 7 isn't your flight at 7.30'

'Yes , yes I'll go , dont want to make you late' his uncle finished with a laugh. His entire family knew what a workaholic he was and took great pleasure in teasing him at any given chance.

Seeing his uncle off , he secured the package carefully in the trunk so that it wont jolst too much on the drive and started the car. It was a solid hour travel to his office from his uncle's home and he wanted to shave off whatever minutes he could so he took the smaller streets that wound through the city rather than the highway.

Later he would wish he had paid more attention to the road and to the car that was tailing him rather than speeding. But it had brought him to her and he wouldn't want it any other way.

It was halfway through, on a stretch of road that had sporadically placed houses and rather bare in terms of human activity that it happened. It wasn't that he wasn't paying attention to the road but when he noticed a man laying on the ground with his bike toppled over it was difficult to stop with the way he was speeding. He didn't think he had hit the stranger but it really was too close for his comfort. Berating himself and lamenting the consequences for his momentary lapse in judgement he hurried out of the car to check on the stranger.

It really had been a close call, he observed, if he had been even a second late in applying the breaks , the man would have died and he would have become a murderer. Walking over to the man on the ground he saw no evidence of bleeding , which was good. Crouching down , he laid his fingers to the man's neck to check for his pulse. Noticing that he had a good , strong pulse, he started to try to wake the man. With no amount of him trying getting any results, he decided to call the ambulance.

As concerned with the stranger as he was, he hadn't heard the scuffles coming from behind his car. But a strange loud thud from the near vicinity of his car startled him from his position. More wary now than he had been before , he tried to get up and check what the noise had been about. But before he could even stand fully, he was grabbed by the ankles and pushed to the ground. With his winds knocked out and reasonably confused he saw the man on the ground get up grinning. With a dawning sense of realisation coming upon him he turned his attention to the car to see four men with clothes tied over their faces trying to force open the trunk. He realised It had been a ploy to get him off the car.

It took him longer than he would be willing to admit, to get sense of the situation. Three by the car, forcefully trying to open the trunk, and an another who had tricked him, who now that he focused was swinging his leg back to deliver a kick. The kick landed hard on his abdomen knocking his breath out. Pain for many would cloud their senses but for him it sharpend them. When the next kick contacted with his abdomen he held on to the leg and pulled. Bringing down his assailant he crouched on the top of him and delivered a swift punch to his face. With the following two more the man was knocked out cold. Suddenly hands grappled on the back of his shirt pulling him away from the man. Allowing his weight to freefall on the assailant he got away from the hold and faced his three opponents. Breathing in and out and centering his mind he got into a battle stance.

In his childhood while other children opted for sports or games Amar was always fascinated by martial arts. After much cajoling to his parents he joined them, and never looked back. Fighting came easy to him, he raised through the ranks and joined even more different types of martial arts classes. It gave him peace and happiness that couldn't be found in his life plenty. So this situation of him facing three goons that seemed to be amateurs at best did not panic him as it would any other. They came at him from all sides, trying to overpower him , but he side steps and fights. The fight finishes in mere minutes. Panting heavily he carefully notes what he could about these thugs. From the way they way laid him and opened his car without any power tools he could tell they were well accomplished thieves, but their fighting left a lot to be desired. They weren't fighters , just thieves, good ones but just thieves .

A sudden feeling of a cold hardness pressed against his skull brought him up from his thoughts. With the realisation dawning on him he scolded himself for not checking up on the other thug he knocked out at the start. The gun pressed against him trembled making him more nervous that that idiot would shoot him without even meaning to. Seeing that he had not been shot at already he tried talking to the man who had his life in his hands. 'Listen buddy, there's no need for weapons here. Lower your gun and I'll let you guys go without even letting the police involved. But if you shoot and then got caught it would be life sentence for you. Your whole life would be behing the bars. Think that through. Put your gun away and I'll let you take your guys away. '

The gun pressing even harder against his head made him stop . The hand that was trembling till now steadied. The gun pressed firmly against the back of his head steadied. The click of the guns safety rang across the empty road sounding to him as if it was the conch sounding at his funeral. The safety had been on before , he could have tried to escape but there was no use lamenting about things that could have been. He knew in a few moments he would be no more. As many say, his whole life did not flash before his eyes , but his dreams did. Times he was happy and content in his dreams came to the forefront of his mind. He could totally ignore the gun behind him and he could go out with thoughts that made him smile. More than the fear of death , the wait for when the bullet will tear through him was what scared him. In the silence that made even death noisy , he heard the creak of the trigger being pressed. Then the shot rang through.

The pain he expected was not there, nor was the feeling of either heaven or hell. Slowly opening his eyes which he seemed to have closed , he turned around to see what the hell had happened. There on the ground laid the man who had held a gun to his head , with a bleeding shoulder. The gun laid on the ground and was now being picked up. Following the hand he saw the other held a gun too which seemed to be the source of the shot that he heard. Moving his eyes upwards he stopped short. Because there with guns in her hands, in a plain shirt and pants was the girl he was intimately familiar with. Eyes sharp as razors, beautiful red lips turned into a scowl, a face that shone even when it screamed murderous intent, she was there, every inch a perfect copy of the dreams that he had.

'Deva' his mind whispered, 'Deva'.

He wanted to pinch himself awake but he knew that this was real because even in his dreams he could never get the magnetism that shone off her eyes right, that was being directed at him. He didn't even mind the gun that was now pointed at him, again.

'Who are you , what the hell happend here ' she asked with a voice filled with authority. He found himself smiling hearing her voice. It was just as enchanting as he had always imagined it to be. 'What are you smiling for' she asked again with more force now. His smile had infuriated her.

'Who are you?' He wanted to know, know every single thing about her, things that one shouldn't want to know about a person who holds a gun on them.

'Devika Rajendran , deputy inspector of police , now give me your name or be ready to be dragged off to jail' she stated with a raised eyebrow and a relaxed stance. The confidence that she carried with her, it sent shivers down his spine making him want to needle her so much more, so that he could watch the way she got wound up and let go.

''Amarnath Chandran, software engineer at Mahismathi Industries ' he replied , holding back his true position at MI. He wanted her to look at him as if he was just any other normal guy, not the heir to a multibillion dollar company. It was experience that had him introducing himself as an IT guy rather than his true self. But looking at her he somehow doubted that she would bend down or simper at him. And it was that which made her even more attractive in his eyes.

'Well Mister Amarnath' he cut her off before she could finish the sentence,' its Amar, call me Amar'

If possible she looked even more less impressed by that statement. 'Mister Amarnath, I have to ask you , why was this guy pointing a gun at you' a hint of coldness seeped into her tone.

'I have no idea who these people are , they hijacked my car and tried to steal the antique that i had in my trunk, and trust me no way am i involved in any shady business Devika' and seeing the expression on her face become frostier he hastily added 'Maam, Devika Maam'.

'Cut off the name calling and show me your ID' she neared him and held out her hands.

He didn't know what was going through his mind. It probably was "she's here, she's real" and not "let's go to jail today". His response should have been "sure, let me get it from my car" and not what he said.

'I dont have it on my person at this moment but I could bring it to you by noon today. Your office is at the city headquarters isn't it'

If it had been him at her place , he probably would have done worse than slap the cuffs on his had and dump him in the back of the police jeep with the other thugs. He didn't care much for it, but at least the view was nice, or the back of her that he could see.

It took his mother half an hour to get the news and come to the station with a lawyer to get him out, the time which he spent most enjoyably watching her in her true environment. He seemed to infuriate her, smiling wider every time she managed to catch his look and glare at him. It was good that his mother came when she did or he didn't know what she would have done to him. But as soon as his mother came her entire ire transferred to his mother. Watching both the woman verbally battle he was glad that he wasnt caught in between but he would gladly accept that and more if only she could be in his life. They were two strong women who didn't want to give each other an inch of leeway. Finally Devika stomped towards the holding cell and opened the door with such a force that nobody could mistake her anger for anything else.

But before she could leave he grabbed her wrists making her turn towards him with such an anger in her face. It made him want to go to her and pull her in a tight hug and never let her leave. But he had an apology to deliver. Letting her go he lifted his hands up in an apology.

'I'm sorry I touched you without your permission, I just wanted your attention for a second. I'm sorry that I deceived you, it's my fault. The reason for it is simple. I didn't want to be away from your company just yet. You captivate me Devika, from your confidence to your inner strength that shows just as bright as your beauty, I wanted to spend more time with you. Your strength is beautiful, you are beautiful. Will you please accept my apology as a dinner tonight. Just an apology dinner, nothing else and if you never want to see me again you dont have to'.

Seeing the anger fade away from her face, and a confused look entering in, he smiled.

'Don't need to give me an answer now, tonight 7 PM at Jonas restaurant at the city centre, I'll be waiting, and if you dont show up I'll understand ' leaving the cell he started to walk out of the room and fortunately for him his mother seemed to have left already. Stopping midway he turned back to see her still standing in the same position. 'I don't know what you will decide tonight Devika, but either way have a good life officer'. He turned back and strode out of the room, whatever tonight may bring he was content in a way that he had never been. She may never come looking for him, but knowing that she was real, and that she lived a happy life somewhere was enough for him.

A smirk tugged at his lips, he definitely did notice the blush that stained her cheeks when she was with him.

Thank you @carminavulcana and @mayavanavihariniharini for welcoming me into this wonderful fandom.

Ao3 link

#baahubali #amarendra baahubali #devasena #fan fic

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uglypaw · 5 years ago

Text

i'm 6 weeks post op as of yesterday! heres my full diary for the first week post op that i wrote during recovery if anyone wants to know what my experience was. CW: blood, surgery, drugs, unsanitary, self harm. if you have any other questions im happy to answer them!

sorry for how long this is lol--

june 21 friday (surgery day)

i'm writing this a few days later but here's how i remember it--

i checked in to the empty office and the copay was $10. the receptionist had me sign a form so that they could call my dad once my surgery was over and he gave me a plastic medical bracelet with my info on it. we hung out in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before i was called in by a nurse. she asked me if i had to pee (i did) and asked if there was a chance i could be pregnant (there wasn't). this nurse was very apathetic and had a very flat voice. i didn't like her.

she had me go to a bed with a gown and a bag for my stuff on it and instructed me to change with the curtain drawn. i did and hung out for about 10 minutes for her to come back, and then she had me lie down and covered me with a blanket and went over my medical record and what meds i was taking and stuff like that. while she was doing this, a male nurse came by and gave me a bunch of painkillers to take with a cup of water(i almost choked on them), and put in my IV on my hand, which was the most painful part. he said i have thick skin on my hand and he really had to push. at this point i got kinda lightheaded hearing him say that but i calmed myself down after a bit.

they called my dad back in and another nurse told me it would be about an hour before the surgeon came to see me. we hung out and played with the monitors on my blood pressure and heart rate and O2 and stuff and made jokes about writing messages on my torso for the surgeon to see when i was under. during the entire time waiting for surgery i was super hungry and wanted to hurry up so i could eat afterwords.

after about an hour the surgeon came by and marked me up, which was kind of uncomfortable because the markers he used were sharp. he held conversation the whole time and was very friendly and charismatic. he went over the marks a bunch of times, and had tentative places marked for my nipple grafts.

he told me the right side was larger than the left so the incision would have to be a bit longer, but since i'd lost weight the incisions were going to be very minimal either way.

after he marked me up he left me again and i asked another nurse to use the bathroom and i got a heated blanket. the anesthesiologist came by and he was funny and casual and alleviated any anxiety by explaining what meds he would be using on me (don't worry about the pain, i prescribe A LOT!!!) and he left once more and another nurse (OR helper) double checked what procedure i'd be doing on the computer, and she told me they would ask me the same questions again once we were in the OR to double confirm. (this ended up not happening because i passed out pretty quick.)

they came by again and confirmed the OR was ready for me, and the anesthesiologist gave me two shots into my IV of some warm liquid and told me i'd be feeling it pretty quick because they were strong (he was right, within a few minutes i was feeling loopy and warm. i was worried i'd have a panic attack about the meds taking effect so fast but it was nice). my dad filmed this part.

they came by about 5 minutes later and said they were ready so they had my dad go back to the waiting room and wheeled me to the OR which was a tiny room with a lot of machines and bright lights and white walls. i remember thinking it looked nothing like it did on TV. they had my name on a whiteboard on the wall. they introduced me to some of the new people i hadn't seen before but i was pretty out of it by then so i wasn't paying too much attention.

they had me scoot over from my hospital bed to the surgery table, and had my arms out to the sides crucifix style. i thought this was really funny and made a note to remember it after surgery.

i recall a few more moments of them rechecking my charts but then the next thing i remember is coming out of anesthesia and seeing my dad and the lights overheard being really bright. someone took off my oxygen mask but i think i was having trouble waking up so they had to put it back on so i would breathe.

they tried to sit me up too fast and i almost passed out so i was given water and gatorade (that i brought from home) and they very slowly raised my bed. my throat was really sore during this time and i remember the gatorade burning as i drank but it was better than the water.

coming out of anesthesia was long and i remember being irritated at it taking so much time and making everyone wait for me. i was also the second to last person in the recovery room (there was a lady next to me coughing a lot, the nurses were saying she was a handful).

my dad told me the doctor told him it was a super easy surgery and it made a difference that i was "lean". he said i might not have fluid in my drains by monday (surgery was on friday) but they wanted to be absolutely sure that i wasn't draining anymore before taking them out.

we talked with the nurse for a while as i caught my breath and could sit up again, and my dad ran to the pharmacy downstairs to pick up my muscle relaxer meds before we left. the nurse talked to me about my transition and stuff like that. i didn't mind because i was still pretty out of it.

when my dad came back they got me a wheelchair but made sure i could stand and could walk to the wall without falling. i was pretty weak but made it steadily. i was surprised how mobile i was. my dad helped me get dressed but i didn't need much assistance.

my dad pulled the car around the front while the nurse wheeled me down to him, and we chatted as we went. the whole hospital was empty and it looked closed. he pulled my chair right up to the car and helped me in, and we thanked him a few times before leaving. he kept repeating if there was any issue with drains coming out to come back to this hospital.

the drive home was fine, and when we got back my dad insisted on taking the dogs out so i could get out of the car. he helped me out and eased me inside to my room. my mom gave me soup though i wasn't too hungry. i chilled in bed for a few hours before falling asleep and my dad showed everyone how to empty the drains. my mom was grossed out but not too much.

i ended up eating about half an edible to help me fall asleep and manage some of the discomfort, but i could have done without it. i had to pee a LOT during the night because of how many IV bags they'd given me. right when i came out of surgery they told me it was good i was dehydrated because it meant i had followed the instructions on not drinking nor eating since midnight the night before.

i was a little worried about wiping myself but my arms were very mobile and i could do it no problem.

i took a bit of tylenol but none of my prescriptions because the pain was very manageable.

sleeping on my back was the hardest part as i was supposed to be sitting up, and my neck was killing me even with my travel pillow. my butt was also really sore so the next morning i made an effort to walk around a bit. having a big squishy pillow under my butt while i slept also helped with the soreness and by day two it was fine. i stretched my legs a lot and tried to lay down as little as i could.

june 22, saturday

morning after surgery

night 1 wasn't great! i woke up a lot to go pee and it was uncomfortable laying sitting up. my neck ended up hurting a lot from the travel pillow. this morning brutus wanted to be with me so bad and i felt bad sleeping without him. i had to maneuver him around so he was on my lap and not my chest because he wanted to be close.

my incisions hurt a bit but it's not unbearable. it feels like the night after i made a big self harm cut, stings and i don't want to jostle them.

the rice krispy definitely helped last night with pain and relaxation and falling asleep, and i'm surprised it didn't give me anxiety or a bad dream.

i don't like sleeping on my back. i woke up around 3 to pee and didn't get back to sleep until almost 5. i was thinking about food to eat the whole time.

i really want ihop pancakes and syrup.

i'm getting little sharp shoots of pain on parts of my chest but they're not too bad and hopefully they mean i'm healing. i'm hopeful they're where my nipples are.

i really should have brought cough drops to the hospital, my throat was very sore after intubation.

i feel electrodes still stuck to my upper chest and i want them off, they're irritating. (i ended up peeling them off a few hours later)

it's still tough to pee but i've been taking short walks around the house to stretch my legs. i. get tired easily so they don't last more than a few minutes. still haven't taken any of my prescribed pain meds, but the pain is getting worse i think. people are telling me the pain will get worse tomorrow.

i've been vaping thc and taking tylenol to manage the pain and they make me sleepy so i've been taking 2-2.5 hour naps and then getting up to pee and snack.

i took a norco pill in the afternoon but i dont think i needed it. i didn't feel much of an effect from it at all, but it did make me sleepy. that evening i went for a bit of a walk around the front yard.

june 23, sunday

i didn't sleep very well again last night but it was better than the day before. i think having a soft pillow under my butt helped with the soreness and i didn't need the travel pillow as much as i did yesterday with my naps. i still woke up disoriented a lot from my 2 hour naps

i stayed up till like midnight and then just passed out from exhaustion so i didn't wake up very much during the night to pee. this morning i woke up very refreshed but feeling gross physically. i cleaned out my own drains, had papa clean my shoulders and put on my testosterone, and megan dry shampoo my hair. i still haven't pooped but i'm not making too much of an effort. j think i'll take laxatives today.

thus far the pain isn't too bad. last night i had little twinges of sharp pain along my sides near my armpits but haven't had any since. taking deep breaths is getting harder because the incisions are getting more sore and my back is hurting from the binder.

this morning when we drained my drains one of them had barely anything in it which is good

update: i did poop a bit. i've been peeing a lot today.

i haven't napped at all but my arms are getting painful from being squeezed from the binder.

having that shower in a bottle has helped keep me feeling fresh and clean. i may take a sponge bath sometime this week. hygiene is keeping me feeling good, i brushed my teeth and washed my face with actual soap earlier which helped me feel good.

june 24, monday

i'm very sleepy today. i washed myself again with the shower in a bottle and i woke up itchy. i took a long nap in the middle of the day and i'm still pretty out of it and tired. i woke up last night only twice to have diarrhea from the ex lax chocolate papa got me yesterday.

i didn't have a lot of fluid in my drains this morning but it was more than yesterday.

my right drain keeps coming undone. i took another nap today and once i woke up i saw it was completely inflated. i fixed it pretty easily but it's strange it keeps happening.

ive been having binding pains a lot today from being compressed so tight. it hurts mostly when i stand up.

i gave myself a sponge bath today and washed my hair in the sink! i think that activity drained me because afterwards i took a 2 hr nap. i keep feeling like i'm sleeping a lot but all my naps are quite short.

june 25, tuesday

today i had a bit more pain where the drain sites are. it stings and burns a bit but it's not unbearable, just very uncomfortable. it happens regardless of the arm positioning.

i'm getting a lot more tingling/pins and needles over my chest but my actual incisions don't hurt. my ribs and back are killing me from the binder soreness, and i've been tired but not enough to sleep. every time i get up it kind of resets the pain so i'm trying not to adjust a lot.

i feel like i've been eating a lot of crap the past few days so im trying to be more mindful about eating more protein and less refined sugar

also, my chest was very itchy so i put my hand down the front of my vest to scratch it and i couldn't feel anything. it felt like when a limb falls asleep too hard to even be pins and needles and just turns numb. it made me uncomfortable so i only did it a few more times.

i have less energy to walk today than i did yesterday, but not tired enough to sleep. i'll definitely take more of the sleepy antihistamines to sleep tonight.

june 26, wednesday

not much new stuff to update on today. i took two norco pills because one didn't do anything and i almost passed out, i got super lightheaded and nauseous and had to lie down for a while to let my brain catch up.

we took the dogs on a walk to the gate and my chest felt weird walking but not in a totally bad way, i just had to go a little slower so i didn't jostle anything.

i'm so excited for friday! i can't wait to get my drains out.

pain has been pretty minimal today though i did take a few naps. i haven't smoked today at all because i wanna keep my brain clear and save my weed and there hasn't been a huge difference in pain.

my muscles feel very good today and it doesn't hurt to stretch my shoulders and reach for things as much.

drain sites are still very itchy and kinda sore. not a lot of fluid but i noticed the right side hasn't been inflating as much! i think it just needed to be milked and cleaned better.

june 27, thursday

the pain has been the worst today by far. i was draining a lot and found out that exercise or excessive movement will cause more drainage, and i did go on a longish walk yesterday with my mom and the dogs. i ended up taking tylenol, flexeril, hit my pen, and had the rest of the rice krispy treat just to dull the pain. it's starting to go away now but i'm still getting like stinging throbs and aches where my drains are. i'm definitely taking painkillers before we go tomorrow!!

i'm worried the excess drainage means that they'll want me to keep the drains in longer. i rally hope not, they're the one thing causing me pain.

i looked at my chest this morning and last evening and there's a little blood bubble inside the plastic they taped me up with on my left side. i can see my chest too, with all the surgeon marks and the edges of the incisions. it does look like he curved under the pec muscle. i was expecting straight line incisions, though i'm sure i'll warm up to it.

i've been very weak and light headed today, and when i stand up i need to take a minute to let the stars go away out of my vision.

june 28, friday

today's the day! we're leaving soon to go to kaiser for my one week post op. i really hope they take the drains out despite the spike in fluid i had the other day from going on that walk.

i'm very tired today and feeling very lazy. usually i want to bathe in the mornings but today i feel so gross i don't want to do anything. i managed to get myself out of bed today to do my laundry but that's as much work as i could manage.

later; they ended up not taking the drains out because of the spike in fluids from going on a walk the other day. they want to be 100% sure that there's less than 20mg over two or three days so i'm making an appointment for monday.

Monday update: got the drains out. Completely painless and not uncomfortable -- didn’t have much sensation in the area and the nurse distracted me so I didn’t notice her removing them. The worst part was her cleaning the area with alcohol beforehand.

#speaks #top surgery #surgery #post op #recovery #long post #cw

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