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doberbutts · 5 years ago

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Hi back on my bullshit once again, you followed me and now you have to deal with me

In talking to a Chi breeder while conducting my research, we got on the topic of hypoglycemia and what steps they take to avoid it. While I spoke briefly about the topic in this post, the breeder also gave me some tips that I wouldn’t have otherwise known. Remember that while I’ve always liked the various terriers of the world, I’ve never personally owned one. My grandfather’s JRTs never needed anything like this, nor did my sister’s (admittedly large at 12lbs) chihuahua, nor did any of the small dogs owned by various roommates prior to this.

I had always sort of rolled my eyes when warned about the risk, thinking that the problem would be easily mitigated if only the owner was feeding a proper high protein diet to make up for the higher metabolism and not feeding their dog so much junk... until a client dog of mine was given plenty of sugary, fruit-based, carb-heavy treats during class and sugared out at home. He was thankfully okay- after his owner spent several thousand dollars at the emergency vet to figure out why his dog had a seizure and then went completely unresponsive (that dog also later developed diabetes according to an update sent to me from his owner, could have been related considering he was a “teacup”) but that was the first time I saw an otherwise-healthy tiny dog go through a sugar crash. When I got Tiki, one of the first things we did was swing by my store to grab some Nutri-Cal, so I could pull her back from that abyss if need be.

We chatted a bit about that, and then the breeder said something I’d never even thought of. They said they don’t ever wean the puppies onto mush or canned food, because they find that both of those are fairly sugary and are more likely to make one of their young weanlings crash. They wean directly to kibble supplemented with fresh eggs and veggies from their garden and chickens, and at the pup’s own pace. This creates puppies that are not picky, that are hungry for their food, and that have significantly less chance of sugaring out. They do keep sugary syrup on hand just in case, but since starting to do things that way they’ve noticed they don’t have to worry about it as much. They try to keep treats as meaty and low-sugar (and low-starch) as possible, and their chews are generally things like horns and hooves rather than kongs filled with (sugary!!) peanut butter.

While I do have some leftover cans and (frozen) freshpet that I plan to stuff into kongs, this makes sense to me. I’m a big fan of lower carb, higher protein foods anyway as a carnivore’s diet is going to emulate that- regardless of grain in or grain free (and this breeder feeds grain in) a carnivore’s stomach is adapted to eating more meat-based proteins than anything plant based. Even the taurine-deficient DCM is causing an issue because of a lack of digestible taurine, an essential nutrient found in red meat, not carbs and starches and sugars. Regardless of what form of food I feed, I always choose meat-heavy foods with as minimal starches as possible (unless feeding raw, certain canned foods, or certain dehydrated foods, zero starch and carbs is impossible because meat powders in the processing and so something must be added to create a “solid” appearance) (this is where you see the prevalence of grain-free foods having absurd amounts of peas, legumes, lentils, and potato come into play- cheap ways to artificially boost the protein percentages and an added bonus to use it as a starch) (also why I have always sought foods with low starch percentages, as these have been known problem ingredients well before the DCM crisis hit)

This is interesting to note for me, because I genuinely had not been sure what “the best” thing to feed Tiki would have been. She ate kibble, canned food, freshpet, the various fresh foods from various companies, and never really seemed to have any complaints about any of them. Towards the end she was canned only as she wouldn’t eat anything else, but how much of that was due to the fact that she was literally dying rather than anything to do with her personal preference? And I would have never connected the dots, though it definitely makes sense as quite a few canned foods are quite heavy on the carbs and starches (so are some kibbles, though not the particular kibble this breeder feeds).

It also, idk, just sort of made me happy to know that these folks treat their dogs like... dogs. They’re definitely more of the dress up the tiny dog and tiny dogs belong on laps and carry my tiny dog around everywhere with me type of people on the surface that I would initially be comfortable with, but in actually speaking to them it was nice to hear them say how they hate the stereotype of picky little dogs and won’t feed into that, they give their dogs chews and toys, they temperament test and are constantly out training and competing (when covid’s not happening), their more drivey higher energy dogs they go out and compete in performance sports even if they just do fun-runs and don’t actually title just to do stuff with them. The amount of people who come into my job who, when I suggest something correctly sized for their tiny breed, say “oh my dog is a chihuahua they can’t do that” makes me nuts, even more so now, because I spoke to someone with more than a decade of experience breeding chis and their dogs chew bones and play fetch and compete just like any other breed out there.

Just, something about the “oh we don’t do sugary snacks just in case with hypoglycemia, so we give the dogs hooves instead” made me so happy to hear strictly because so many people at my job won’t even consider buying a chew for their tiny dogs. I have to argue with people that greenies and fresh kisses are not going to break their little dogs’ mouths if they chew on them unless that dog has a pre-existing dental issue, meanwhile this hoard of chihuahuas gets a whole hoof each to gnaw at when they’re being terrible monsters.

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silly-billy-bean · 4 years ago

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Paul Blart Essay Two: Electric Blartaloo (an essay by Red)

American Thanksgiving has come and gone, and with it, Paul Blart Mall Cop Two season. A lot of little things clicked this watch, so this essay will not be a massive theory explanation. It will go into each individual point that came together this watch. For a full explanation of the Blartverse as I see it, I wrote an entire other essay about it. Go read it here to not be confused.

On my most recent watch of PB2, I came to the conclusion that Donna was under the Shadowman’s influence. The scene where she is first introduced she deliberately misleads Paul Blart and punches him in the throat. There is no reason for this other than the Shadowman’s shadowy schemes. Then there’s the fight scene, where she is not knocked over by a solid kick to the whole body, this is fucking weird. Frankly, Donna is superhuman. She definitely has been magically protected by something, The Shadowman. This causes issues in the fight scene specifically, if we assume that both Donna and Vince’s gang are under the Shadowman’s control. Option one is that only Vince is directly touched by The Shadowman, and this is why his lackey could fight Donna instead of Vince fighting Donna. The second option is that The Shadowman’s schemes are becoming too complicated even for him to keep separate. He has a lot of pawns in his grasp and it’s only fair to cut him some slack in that department. There is a tiny chance that she is instead under Paul Blart’s protection or the angels’ protection. However, this is astronomically implausible. Paul Blart is not shown to be willing or capable to give some of his power to non-Blarts. Being around a Blart is not an automatic path to invincibility, as shown by everyone else around him. Specifically his mother, who did not hold the power and is thus bested by a milk truck. The angels would have very little to do with Donna, there’s no evidence for them interfering with her one way or another. Granted, there’s very little focus over all on the angels because the writers are cowards so I work with what little I’ve got.

So the contemplation garden is a portal to the shadow dimension. When Paul Blart exits the green room before his big speech through a door marked “Showtime” he is shown immediately going into the Contemplation Garden. This is weird. Later, the entrance to the contemplation garden is shown to be somewhere completely different. This garden is the only place where the shadowman can be near Paul Blart because it’s a little piece of his own home dimension. This also explains the bird thing. Why is there a Grey Crowned Crane in a Las Vegas hotel? Who brought it here? Who is letting it attack guests? Who is feeding it? Why isn’t it leaving the Contemplation Garden? These plot holes can be solved with a simple theory of a shadow plane and a few portals scattered around the hotel.

This viewing I also picked up on a key piece of evidence to support the core of all my theories, Paul Blart’s imperviousness to physical harm. “My body’s fine, it’s my ego that took the hit,” Paul says, eating peanut M&Ms while laying on his back. This simple line validated my entire theory. Paul’s body is unable to be harmed. I, personally, am shocked that a car hitting him was the point at which his ego became injured. It somehow wasn’t the stupid little segway dance he did just seconds before. Although, his entire life is about as humiliating as that so maybe he’s used to it. Perhaps he’s immune to embarrassment after years of being Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

The reason that Divinia is so horny for Blart despite having a boyfriend is that she sensed his immortal power. There’s no other reason for this sudden abandonment of Eduardo for this stink man. I cannot fathom that she felt any genuine attraction to Paul Blart’s horrible soul. Divinia must just be sensitive to his powers.

One interaction that bugged me until this watch happened when Maya and Lane were kidnapped.

“Maya: They’re stealing art from the hotel!

Lane: From the what?

Maya: From the hotel!”

This exchange is fucking wild. In canon, Lane works at the hotel. He spends all his days at the hotel. He is currently in the hotel. Either Lane is that hard-of-hearing representation that I so dearly crave, or he is only in the hotel to do his angelic business or protecting Maya. It can be both.

I believe I have solved the hypoglycemia debacle. In case you didn't know, the way that PB2 portrays hypoglycemia is “If my blood pressure drops, so do I.” which is massively incorrect. I struggle to comprehend the thought process of the writers of this movie most times, but here I’m one hundred percent sure neither of them knew what hypoglycemia was and refused to look it up. When Paul Blart passes out because of “lack of sugar” he consumes the droplets of a little girl’s melting ice cream. That ice cream that Paul Blart slobbers up can’t just be ice cream, it’s magical, because he springs up immediately after. The family’s conversation is absolutely buck-wild, there’s no way they’re humans. The daughter says “Look at the pretty flowers, Daddy, can I draw on them?” which can’t possibly be a thing that a human says. The younger daughter’s ice cream must be supernatural in origin along with the family to have reinvigorated Paul so quickly. If we follow this logic, the audience can confirm once and for all that Paul Blart definitely doesn’t have hypoglycemia. That’s not how it works, Kevin James. You need to stop.

All in all, this movie sucks ass. I, Red, formally challenge Kevin James to an interview/interrogation. I have so many questions and want to look at the man who willingly made this dumpster movie in the eyes. I hope Paul Blart stubs his toe every day forever. This being said, I will probably watch this movie again before next thanksgiving.

#paul blart #paul blart mall cop 2 #the shadowman #til death do us blart #kevin james fight me challenge

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drferox · 6 years ago

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WHY you shouldn’t feed these 10 foods to your dog

Dogs might think they’re human, but their physiology is not like ours. Humans might eat a wide variety of foods with little concern, but there are some very common human foods which you should not feed to your canine companion. You’ve probably seen the foods on this list before, but this is WHY these foods should not be fed to dogs.

Chocolate, Theobromine and Caffeine:

Everybody’s heard that chocolate is bad for dogs, and it’s true. Chocolate contains a compound called Theobromine. Theobromine is a type of compound called a methylxanthine, and another methylxanthine you might be more familiar with is caffeine. We know quite a lot about these compounds, as humans use them both medicinally and recreationally. The long version is that they all inhibit phosphodiesterase and antagonise adenosine receptors. The short version is that they increase muscle activity, including the heart, and stimulate the central nervous system.

This presents as dogs that have fast and irregular heart rates, high body temperatures and increased muscle activity that can progress to seizures.

It takes a reasonable amount of chocolate to poison a dog. One M&M isn’t going to do it. For a 35kg dog it’s going to take at least 3500mg of theobromine, which is about 5kg of typical milk chocolate. But only 1.2kg of dark chocolate or 600g of cooking chocolate, which is possible.

A 10kg dog needs much less. 1.5kg of milk chocolate would do it, which is only about 3 large Easter Bunnies, or 300g of dark chocolate, which is one packet from the cooking isle.

Chocolate is super tasty, dogs will absolutely gorge themselves on all chocolate available, so it’s not too difficult to poison smaller dogs with it.

And even if you get the dog through the toxicity, the high fat content of chocolate can go on to cause other gastrointestinal problems.

Onions & Garlic:

Yes, I said onions AND garlic. All allium species contain the same potentially toxic compounds, whether raw or cooked. That goes for spring onions too, it’s just really difficult to convince a dog to eat enough of them to be poisoned. These plants cause a Heinz body anaemia by inducing oxidative damage to the surface of the red blood cells, and for some reason breeds of Japanese origin like the Akita and Shiba Inu seem particularly prone to this toxicity.

It usually takes 10 to 15g per kg of body weight to poison a dog, but those breeds can be affected by as little as 5g per kilo. So for a big, 35kg dog, that’s about three medium sized onions.

Poisoning can happen all in one go, or it can happen by eating small amounts over a longer period of time, which is why it’s infuriating to see garlic being suggested as a natural remedy for things.

Bad cases will have to be treated with a blood transfusion as there is no direct antidote. And for interest, there are other things that can cause Heinz body anaemia too, like zinc.

Macadamia nuts:

You know how everything in Australia has a reputation for being deadly? Well the Macadamia is the one native Australian plant that has successfully become a mainstream agricultural crop. And it’s poisonous to dogs. Legitimately, for some weird reason Macadamia nuts cause progressive paralysis in dogs. We don’t know what the active toxin is, but we do know it’s present in both raw and cooked nuts, and as little as 5 nuts can cause paralysis in a 20kg dog. Sometimes the dogs develop vomiting and joint swelling in addition to paralysis, but most recover well with supportive treatment.

Grapes, Raisins and Sultanas:

This is another weird toxin when it comes to dogs, and it’s especially weird in that we don’t know what the toxic compound actually is. Grapes, raisins, sultanas and foods that contain them can cause idiosyncratic (unpredictable) reactions which result in kidney failure by ischaemic injury (lack of blood flow). It’s completely unpredictable which dogs will develop the reaction, and it’s independent of dose with as little at 10 grapes causing the toxicity.

In addition to being unpredictable, you really don’t want to mess around with it. Grape toxicity when it happens has approximately a 50% mortality rate.

Yeast dough:

A dog can absolutely eat cooked bread, but raw dough with yeast in it to make it rise presents some interesting problems. First is that the fermenting yeast produces ethanol, which can be toxic on its own. Second is that the yeast can and will continue to ferment inside the dog’s stomach where it’s nice and warm. This produces more ethanol, but can also cause bloating and the sticky dough is very difficult to remove by vomiting.

Chewing gum and Xylitol:

Xylitol is a sugar substitute used in many ‘sugar free’ products, of which chewing gum is the most common, but more and more foods contain it these days. It’s found naturally in many plants such as berries, but ingesting a large amount of it, about 75mg per kg, will cause profound hypoglycemia. Larger doses can also cause liver failure, and it’s only about 50:50 whether treated dogs will survive that. Dogs with hypoglycemia can look drunk with symptoms like vomiting and difficulty walking.

For a 35kg dog, 10 to 15 pieces of sugar free gum could cause this toxicity, and they will happily eat the entire packet if given the chance.

Alcohol (ethanol):

While humans indulge in this recreational plant toxin, we have spent a considerable amount of our history adapting to its use and some human populations have evolved a higher tolerance than others. Dogs have not done this, but they will consume it either in alcoholic beverages that humans give them for a laugh, or by consuming rotting fruit that’s fallen off trees. Yeast dough can contain it too.

Signs are more or less what you would expect for a drunk dog - sleepy and wobbly, but can progress to low body temperature, metabolic acidosis and some will stop breathing.

The median lethal dose of alcohol for a dog is about 1 standard drink for 2kg of body weight, orally. That’s an average, but some dogs will be more severely affected than others, and complications can still occur at lower doses.

And remember, wine is made from grapes, which can and will cause unpredictable kidney failure, so that’s an extra No.

Stone Fruit:

The flesh of fruits like apricots, peaches and cherries are fine to feed in moderation, but it’s the large seed inside the fruit that causes most of the problems. These seeds do contain cyanide if cracked open, but the more common problem we see is not a toxicity, but gastrointestinal obstruction.

Some of these seeds are small enough to swallow, but large enough to cause a blockage either at the pylorus, where the stomach empties into the intestine, or in the small intestine itself. This will obviously vary with the size of the pip and the size of the dog. A cherry pit isn’t going to cause much drama, and a large dog like a labrador might poop out a series of peach pips, but a small dog like a terrier may not be so lucky.

Avocado:

Avocados deserve a special mention because not only are they a stone fruit with a large stone that would cause an obstruction in most dogs if eaten, the flesh of the fruit also contains a toxin caused persin. Persin is very toxic to some species of birds and herbivores and will cause inflammation, swelling and cardiac arrhythmias. In dogs, it would be unlikely to see more than vomiting from this toxin. However, avocado is also relatively high in fat for a fruit, and fatty foods are also not ideal to feed most dogs and cats.

Fatty Foods:

The most common reason for me to see gastroenteritis in the vet clinic is a dog eating too much fatty food, but it will also potentially cause pancreatitis and that’s even more of a concern. We can tolerate dogs with some diarrhoea or a single vomit after eating something unusual - even humans do that sometimes - but pancreatitis will cause significant pain as well as nausea, and can progress to sepsis, disseminated intravascular coagulation, diabetes or death.

Dogs vary in terms of how much fat they can handle in their diet, with some being much more sensitive than others, and this sensitivity usually increases with age. For most dogs, moderation is the key, not gorging on fatty scraps that the humans didn’t want to eat or barbeque leftovers.

So now you know why these foods aren’t recommended for dogs. We’re not just saying it for no reason, even for the unexpected ones like grapes and macadamias.

This post was sponsored by Fluffy on Patreon. Thank you so much for your ongoing support.

#veterinarian #vet #pet care #dogs #dog #poison study #toxicology #feeding pets #human food

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karimarler47 · 4 years ago

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Medifast Diet What Number Of Carbohydrates Or Perhaps In Medifast Foods?

Despite Dr .. Atkins protestations to the contrary, ought to also possible to lose weight on high carbohydrate, restricted calorie diets, particularly if those diets are full of complex carbohydrates instead of simple ones (think whole-wheat and brown rice instead of takeout and white bread). Nowhere in Dr. Atkins' book was there any mention among the dietary habits of the remainder the world, where high carbohydrates normally a necessity, and obesity is not rampant. Given a choice, low fat may be safer, and long term studies have shown that consistent replacement of high fat snacks with low fat snacks (day-glow chips with air popped popcorn) provides each most consistent long-term weight.

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Not only did I lower my carbohydrate intake, but after i ate carbohydrates, I only ate complex carbohydrates and therefore i ate all of them fat.and along with of that, I eliminated all refined foods from my diet, all easy and starchy carbohydrates, sugars, caffeine and wine. Not eating overall is important to you getting Reactive Hypoglycemia under control. So the Atkins Dishes are all discussion? Not at all. The Atkins weight loss plan is an efficient way to manage their weight. Under the Atkins diet, these immediately lose ten to fifteen pounds of water weight given that the liver loses all its stored carbs. Then you will switch to ketotic fat burning, with protein providing some glucose inefficiently. When protein is burned for fuel by the body, only 55% converts to energy, the rest converts to heat. Add to that the two hormones that slow down your urge to eat whenever high quantities of fat are present, plus you've got a recipe for rapid weight loss. The trouble will be the keto diet facts when you travel off Atkins you'll gain it returning. He is quite clear about that, in case you haven't it is so very important for Atkins to protect his diet plan as an insurance plan for life, not short-run weight grief. Do some cardio. It isn't mandatory, nevertheless it will develop a big impact. Try one 30-minute session at moderate intensity and one 15-minute HIIT session per week. While you're on the Ultimate Advanced Keto Review diet, it is recommended that you group on carbohydrates for a good 3 day cycle. On top of the third day, consume 1000 calories property value of carbs over two hours before your training for that day. You can pick between two options of car-loading. Determine 1) eat anything that you require or 2) start substantial glycemic carbs and then switch to low glycemic carbs. If you eat may you want during this phase, then you can certainly should stick to low-fat sugar. The whole purpose behind the carb-loading is to boost the glycogen in your muscles which will allow you to endure you will need workout. Proteins give you amino acids the body needs to build muscle and repair system needs. A diet deficient in protein are going to deteriorate without protein delivering the amino acids the demands. An ounce of chia seed provides 4.43 grams of protein which is a lot more protein than found a good ounce of eggs. Chia provides two-thirds the protein found in salmon. Yes, it is entirely easy to replace animals as a protein source with a crop grown by the Mayans. Recent numerous researches on gut bacteria reveal that by governing the composition of bacteria the guts, effortlessly raise the volume of of good quality bugs in guts that can us regulate our fat loss. Having said that, only few those who take probiotics have seen remarkable brings into play their automatic weight reduction after taking yogurts or fermented milk, or even the probiotic natural supplements. That said, not all folks will lose weight the particular manipulation of gut bacteria by way of consuming probiotics. Dr. Atkins ability to offer a high protein/high fat diet will make him a cult figure, and he encourages this by writing about his diet as "doing Atkins." Atkins didn't "invent" his diet program. A Banting diet from 1863 pushed high fat and protein. In the 1920's uncontrolled epileptics were put on a ketogenic (60% fat) diet, a practice that is once again popular in medical circles. More recently, a horde of high protein diets have poured onto the bookstore drawers. Atkins was the beginning of this horde, having tried a reduced carbohydrate diet himself in 1963. Correctly Diet book dates from 1992, but he is peddling comparable ideas since 1972 (the first 1972 "revolution" sold 10 million copies). Dr. Atkins has left the building. We have lost our fatty guru, so available to be a foil for any tofu munching, arugula crunching, low-fat health fanatics. Who'll champion the causal agent for the all-you-can-eat lard smorgasbord actually? Fear not, his legacy lives on, a person can still consume a chocolate cheesecake in front of your mates while mumbling something about doing The atkins diet.

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goodnessmarygrace · 5 years ago

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Hi, my name is Mary Grace and I’m new to Tumblr. I made this blog because nobody I know has Tumblr, so it feels like I can be more open about my struggles without drawing attention to myself. Anyways, here goes nothing. This is my story thus far. It’s a long one, so buckle up!

I was diagnosed with POTS last month after two increasingly difficult and perplexing years. You could think of me as being sorta athletic and very ambitious normally if you like. I’m a perfectionist and I have anxiety. I began really feeling and noticing the POTS symptoms about two years ago. For a year, I just always assumed I was out of shape or everybody felt the same way and I was just being a wimp. I was super tired all the time and would get very dizzy with standing up and running. I would get spotty vision and feel the familiar “hot ice” feeling you get when you might faint. These symptoms were not incredibly severe or anything, so I just always hid them so that people wouldn’t label me as “dramatic” or “lazy.” I played basketball, softball, ran track, did marching band, football cheer-leading, scholar bowl, FCA, and FCCLA at the time of the onset of symptoms. I always assumed that I was just stressed out or had a really bad cold and it was nothing to give a second thought about. If anything, hiding my symptoms made me feel like I was in control or tough.

Another thing you must know about me to understand my story is I am a Christian and Jesus plays a big part in my life each and every day. Come summer 2019, I was a helper/counselor at the 5th and 6th grade week at the local Church Camp. That’s when some things really clicked for me spiritually. I realized that my life had been fairly easy. I have a loving family, live in an awesome community, have been blessed with friends and talents all my life, and for the most part, I’d been healthy and hadn’t had to deal with many terrible things. Most of all, I’m free to live for and worship my LORD and Savior.

It’s a life that many crave and would give anything to have. But that week at Church Camp initiated a thought process in me. I realized I had never really depended on GOD because everything in my life had seemed so... easy I guess. I was incredibly thankful for my life, but there came a time when I realized that I didn’t really live by faith or trust or hope. I didn’t completely even understand what they mean! How can you live for GOD without knowing what it is like to completely trust Him with every aspect of your life? My life story was (yes, comfortable and safe) but also a bit empty. It was shallow where it could be deep. And after lots of prayer and some soul searching, I realized my story was shallow because I had hardly ever struggled. So then I began praying dangerously. I asked (or begged) GOD to break me if He had to.

And oh my, He sure answered that one. The symptoms got worse, but I didn’t think much of them considering I had quit (or retired (; ) from softball. (There’s a whole separate story to why I quit softball that I just can’t possibly fit in this post. It was a big developmental step in my life and something that I still am learning from.) I assumed I was just getting out of shape and I should exercise and live healthier. More water, more sleep, better food, etc. Running was getting harder and harder. I was always exhausted, which I blamed on stress and lack of good sleep. Basketball season is what really did it in for me. The first real “attack” or “episode” happened during conditioning week. I almost fainted. I got a migraine and was so dizzy that I couldn’t walk straight. My vision was seriously messed up and that “hot ice” feeling you get before passing out kept washing over me. (I had passed out/ almost passed out before this but always blamed it on being squeamish or something else unconcerning.) I eventually sucked up my pride and told my coach, “I gotta lie down!” It was humiliating. I used to be able to run like nobody’s business. I mean, some people were jealous of my exercising capabilities. It seemed like my fault since I had quit softball and seemingly was so out of shape that I almost passed out. I felt like a quitter. There was so much shame and guilt. I must have forgotten it was actually an answer to my prayers.

The season progressed and I repeatedly had to lie down when it came to conditioning and running. It didn’t help that I got mono for the second time in my life that winter (no, not from kissing) and was so stubborn that I refused to stay home or go to the doctor. I had mono, pharyngitis, and a double ear infection for months, but I didn’t want to rest because I thought people would think I was lazy. We began trying to figure out why I would get the POTS symptoms as well, because my mom started to think that something really was going on. In the end, we decided to blame it on blood sugar. I told people I was hypoglycemia. I brought juice to basketball practice, and when I would drink it, I would trick myself into thinking that I felt better because I was sick of having no idea what was going on.

Finally, when basketball season was wrapping up and track season was beginning, I began believing that maybe I wasn’t “just out of shape.” I had been running and exercising for months, but I still had my POTS symptoms. I was praying and trying really really hard to get past the shame and be grateful for my struggles. The thing is, I LOVE track (and was pretty good at it too.) Running and racing has always been, dare I say, fun for me. I was really looking forward to the first practice of the season. My dreams were crushed to say the least. After running the first 400 meters of a mile, I nearly fainted again. I finished the mile, but was not doing so hot. I remember all my teammates and coaches staring at me with worry and surprise. I was so embarrassed. The headache from it didn’t go away until I went to bed that night. What made things worse, was I still didn’t know what was wrong with me. Doctors said “blood sugar?”, “asthma?”, “hormones?”, “anxiety?”, “arrhythmia?”, “stress?”. When people asked, I didn’t have a definite answer, so just I listed all of my symptoms and the possible diagnoses. I got tired of that real quick.

Now that my track season was in jeopardy, I decided that we really needed to figure out what was happening to me. My mom said to take it easy at practice, but I didn’t want to look “lazy.” (You can tell that my mind runs in a useless circle around the concepts of weak and lazy.) I told my coaches that I needed to take it easy, but then just continued to go hard as I could. I mentally could not get past the mindset I had adopted. I didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t trying and I was making things up, so without really noticing it, I told myself that it was in fact all in my head and I was weak. Then came the pandemic.

This is becoming way too long, so I’m going to continue it in a part 2. It sounds crazy, but I’m actually pretty thankful for the mess I’ve been through. More explanation later, but I know there is some growth happening in me that never would have begun if I hadn’t gotten these struggles. GOD has shown me so much through these experiences and He’s made room in my busy schedule for the things that actually matter in life. I don’t chase people’s opinions or expectations so much anymore and have learned to be kinder to myself. Again, this blog is kind of going to be like a way to figure some things out and hopefully become part of the community of people who’ve gone or are going through similar experiences. Maybe then I’ll even be able to help someone else in return.

-Mary Grace

June 4, 2020

#potsie #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #my story #jesus is the answer #christianity #a written testimony #break me #savedbygrace #POTS

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radiopopstand · 5 years ago

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Radio Popstand Broadcast 27 is available now!

Go to your favourite podcast player and search for Radio Popstand.

First item on this broadcast is me looking back to my 32 years with diabetes.

Here’s a transcript of the article:

My life with diabetes

Let’s start by saying that I am not a health care professional. The following words are my own experiences of dealing with my diabetes over the past 32 years. They should not be taken as a comprehensive manual in dealing with the condition. If you have any concerns about your treatment of diabetes or that of a family member or friend you should always consult your GP or practice nurse. We are all different and the way you need to treat your diabetes may be different to that which I mention in this article.

A few days after my 28th birthday, way back in the year of 1987, I found myself sitting in the surgery of my doctor. I was attending an appointment I’d made, hoping to rid myself of what I considered, at the time, to be a minor complaint, but what in essence turned out to be a much more serious problem than I realised, a condition was to be diagnosed that I still suffer from to this day, and will do so for the rest of my days.

My immediate concern at this time was the appearance of some boils on the lower part of my back. After living with these for what must have seven to ten days I decided, especially seeing they were becoming rather uncomfortable and would not go away, to see my doctor. Before this time I’d very rarely had cause to see the doctor, but things were about to change.

“Hello Jeffrey, don’t see you here very often, how can I help you today?”, said my GP as he shook my hand and ushered me to a seat. I explained the problem and doctor examined these troublesome boils. “I see, well I can prescribe some antibiotics, which will clear up these little fellas for you, but what we really do need to find out is exactly what has caused these to appear”, the doctor explained.

I was given a specimen container and asked to go to the toilet to provide a urine sample. This I duly did, and on returning to the doctor he went over to a corner of his massive room with my urine sample. In a few moments he walked back over to me and uttered those words that I’ll never forget “This is most interesting Jeffrey, there would appear to be a rather high sugar content in the sample you’ve provided today”, which he spoke to me in the matter of fact style just like Mr Spock from the TV series Star Trek.

It took a while to sink in, but this was the start of my life with diabetes. In those early days it didn’t create too much of a problem. I was diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes, and my doctor referred me to a specialist at the local hospital. Apart from the antibiotics prescription to clear up the boils I wasn’t prescribed any other medication at this time.

Whilst waiting to see the specialist, which must be have been ten to fourteen days after my initial GP appointment, I took it upon myself to refrain from eating anything that contained sugar. This was not easy, but I had no sugar in my tea and coffee, ate no pudding after dinner, and certainly ate no confectionery, cake, fruit or anything else that I considered contained sugar or anything resembling sugar.

I was certainly very strict with myself over those few days, so much so that when I did see the specialist, and he carried out his own tests, it appeared my diabetes condition was hardly noticeable. Unfortunately, over the months that followed the condition got worse. Despite taking various medications to coax my pancreas into producing insulin, the magical hormone that I was sadly lacking, the insulin was not being produced and I was diagnosed as having type 1 diabetes, this was less than 18 months after the initial diagnosis.

A whole new set of rules and a steep learning curve to take in about taking injections of insulin, a more stringent regime of testing my blood glucose levels and how to treat the affects of hypogljycaemia, which is often referred to as a hypo or a sugar low. The biggest hurdle encountered on a daily basis by diabetics is achieving a balance between the insulin taken and the carbohydrate value of your food intake, but these are not the only two components to achieving a satisfactory balance of blood glucose levels, what you are doing in way of activity is another thing that can very much affect this delicate balance.

So what is this hormone called insulin, what does it do, and why is it so important. I’m not an expert on the workings of the human body, so my following explanation is very much simplified, but put quite simply insulin stores away the glucose content in your blood until it is needed. Glucose is an essential commodity, as it is the fuel or energy needed by the brain to function, without glucose the brain can not function, but with too much glucose many serious problems can soon occur if your condition is not treated, and indeed can occur over time even if your diabetes is treated, that is why it is so important to keep a close watch on those glucose levels and try to keep them as close as possible to normal to reduce the chance of problems.

Some of the problems that could occur due to excessive glucose in the blood stream include a blurring of vision due to a change in shape to the eye lens, in extreme cases sight loss can occur, skin infection - remember my original problem with boils, urine infection, lung and other infections, nerve damage to hands and feet, kidney damage, excessive urination which can result in excessive thirst and tiredness and weakness, serious weight loss if body can’t use glucose correctly as your stores of fat are used, dehydration is another serious problem that can cause foot infections and maybe gangrene resulting in amputations of toes, feet or lower legs. I myself suffer with problems to my lower legs often becoming swollen, discoloured and aching, so need to take extra care to avoid the possibility of ulcers developing. This is just a few of the potential problems that diabetes can cause.

Ideally a carbohydrate count of your food has to be made, food that is high in fibre is desirable, as this will be absorbed into the blood steam slowly and help to avoid those blood glucose highs. Each meal should contain approximately the same carbohydrate value each day, to match the amount of insulin you take. This way the chance of the blood glucose level becoming too high or too low is greatly reduced, but of course, as already indicated, the activity you will be engaged in during the day can have an impact on the amount of energy required, and hence can cause problems, as can being ill with something as simple as a cold or even being stressed, these can all affect your glucose levels, as can the weather. Yes, that’s right even the weather can affect those blood glucose levels.

The affects of a low sugar situation can occur at any time, sometimes you become aware that they are occurring, test your blood glucose level using the test equipment available to confirm your suspicions and take glucose orally in the form of dextrose tablets or some other form to remedy the low sugar episode. Unfortunately, it’s not always that easy, there are occasions when the low sugar situation can take you by surprise, so much so that you can find it difficult to concentrate and take the appropriate action required to get you out of this predicament. It is always most important to carry with you some form of fast release carbohydrate such as dextrose tablets and carry some form of identification explaining you are are a ‘type 1 insulin dependent diabetic’. I also have a wrist armband which has these exact words, something that let’s others immediately know in moments of crisis that you are a diabetic.

In the thirty two years I’ve suffered with diabetes I’ve had three instances where I’ve collapsed into a coma due to a low sugar hypoglycemia situation. On the first occasion my father was still alive and he called our own doctor, who immediately came to the house and dealt with the situation, on the other two occasions an ambulance was called. There have been several close calls over the years, on one occasion hitting my head on the side of the cooker and giving myself a black eye. More often than not a low can be quickly treated and I’m back to my normal self quite quickly, on other occasions the affect can take several hours to recover from with intense shivering and sweating being a side affect and also the dreaded muddled head.

Apart from the falling into a coma incidents, the next worse state I’ve been in several times is waking up in the morning where I’ve obviously been low on sugar during the night and I awake with a totally muddled head, after working out how to cure the sugar low, the muddled head then stays with me all day. A very unstable way to spend a day, especially if it’s a work day. I’ve had days where the blood glucose level has returned to normal, but the muddled head can stay until after I’ve had my evening meal, which can, putting it mildly, be most disconcerting and ruin one’s day.

Obviously, if you get several days of low or high sugars you need to make adjustments to your insulin dosage or food intake to try to combat the situation. I currently take four injections a day of insulin, one before breakfast, one before lunch and one before my evening meal, this is a quick acting insulin, after taking I immediately have my food. There is then a final injection of insulin before bed, which is a more slow acting insulin to see me through the night and acts as a base insulin throughout the day. I can often go for weeks or months were my sugar levels are well behaved and everything stays within required parameters, then without warning several occurrences of either high or low levels happen, this can be one of the greatest headaches trying to get things back on course. This is one of the things I find most difficult to make the majority of people around me understand, I’m sure they just think my whole diabetic control is poor and I don’t know what I’m doing.

This whole process of insulin injections, carrying out continuous blood glucose tests by pricking one’s fingers, counting the carbohydrate value of foods, sticking to a schedule of eating meals without missing any, making sure you’re carrying dextrose tablets with you at all times, inspecting your feet to make sure they are not damaged, dealing with the muddled head situations and dealing with the tiredness and general lethargic feeling when sugars go too high can all over time put quite a toll on your well being and frame of mind.

Added to that those mundane illnesses that we all suffer from time to time, now appear to be twice as worse, as you’re not only battling with that but you’re also dealing with your diabetes, that always wants to play up at the same time making you feel appalling and not wanting to do anything. You must keep testing the blood glucose levels and KEEP TAKING THE INSULIN, as although you might not be able to eat, or only eat very little, those blood glucose levels still tend to rise during an illness. It is important to keep hydrated, all that glucose can cause serious dehydration, which can be a very serious situation. Try to drink as much sugar-free fluid as possible. Diabetes is difficult enough to deal with on it’s own, but when you have another illness raise it’s ugly head it’s always best to consult your GP or practice nurse for advice.

Something all diabetics have to deal with at some point is the strange attitude some people seem to have of diabetics, in many cases considering the condition to be a preventable self inflicted disease caused by carelessness of those that suffer with the disease. The truth of the matter is type 1 diabetes is definitely not a lifestyle caused condition, whereas type 2 diabetes can be caused, but not in all cases, by lifestyle. During my 32 years as a diabetic I’ve encountered my fair share of ridiculous, comical, hurtful or just plain silly comments about this condition that I suffer from. Most people make comments with the best of intentions, but some can be really quite rude and disrespectful. I try by best to ignore the majority of the ridiculous comments but the odd remark/criticism can, on occasion, be unkind.

Comical remarks include:

“Do you have a special hole that’s been made to put the insulin into yourself”

Hurtful remarks include:

“This whole problem has got to be your own fault, you must have been a real piggy in your younger days”

“Do you not think it’s about time you got this balance with food and insulin correct, for goodness sake Jeffrey you’ve had this problem for over 30 years now”

Ridiculous remarks include:

“It’s only diabetes, it’s not going to kill you”

“Jeffrey, why drink that diet drink, you need to drink this full sugar Coca-Cola, it’ll do you the world of good”

I’m going to be very boring now and repeat what I said at the start, please excuse me, but it would me very remiss of not to say this. This article has attempted to highlight some of my experiences of dealing with diabetes over the past 32 years. My remarks shouldn’t be taken as the correct or only way to deal with the condition. If you have any concerns about your treatment of diabetes or that of a family member or friend you should always consult your GP or practice nurse.

One event that seems amusing now although wasn’t funny at the time was during a low sugar episode when my head bowled down and I went for a swim in a plate of baked beans, my then teenage niece who was there at the time often reminds me of this incident and we both have a chuckle. You’ll have wait till she writes her memoirs for the full story.

Jeff Wright, 4th August 2019

#diabetes #insulin #dextrose #hypoglycemia

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sargecasey-blog · 5 years ago

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My abuse story

when I was born my parents did not want me and I was born blind. So I went to live with my grandparents. Well living with my grandparents I had a lot that made me happy, I had a lot of friends and things to do at home that made me happy but after 1st grade my parents took me to go live with them which highly effected me. Even when they took me to go live with them I remember kicking and screaming as we went down the driveway. The time I lived with my parents I went through physical abuse which I ended up almost failing 2 grades. I remember waking up to belts coming at me by my dad and I remember my dad punching my mom. luckily one day a teacher found bruises all over my body which I got taken from my parents and went to live with my grandparents again. My parents were punished and everything through child support. Though I'm not sure they were punished enough. Even though I was born blind I had a also had a surgery 3 days after I was born to barely open my eyes. The only affect this had was affecting my learning because it was hard to see. As i got older I did have surgeries to open my eyes more. Well when I went back to go live with my grandparents I started doing well again and made a lot of new friends in elementary which took a bit for me to become happy again. Well fast forward to the end of middle school my grandfather got into a lot of drama with my sister and mother that changed him in my opinion not sure if that's what changed him or not. Well he started emotionally abusing me, my sister and my grandmother through high school and after. I graduated high school in 2011 so the emotional abuse mainly happened from 2007 to 2011 but I still get emotionally abused after high school which was much worse. What my grandfather did was he would yell at somebody like every other day for something they did or how they did something. Every time I felt happy I would get yelled at like it was wrong to be happy. My grandfather did not like me having friends and would always tell me they would not be friends with me after high school. When we would eat there was always a problem with how we eat or the way we eat. We would always be going out to eat or getting fattening food kind of feels like there was a reason for that I don't know. Lastly the only time we were allowed to be happy was either when we were doing what my grandfather wanted or when we where going somewhere. What I ended up doing to get through all of this is I would stay in my room and try to avoid the abuse as much as possible. I ate once a day for 2 to 3 years to avoid drama. I was scared to brush my teeth because the bathroom was right where my grandfather was always at and I noticed every time I went in there he would say some negative comment. I would play games and meet new people online which help me avoid the abuse. I was terrified to leave because every time I did I would either get yelled at or treated like crap. My sister has highly been affected by the abuse as well. She tried committing suicide twice and she does a lot of drugs to avoid the pain. Also she made friends with other people that does drugs because she feel like they're the only type of people that understand her and what she is going through. She had kids and now they’re most likely going through what we went. I don’t live there anymore but her kids could be getting emotionally abused as well. The affects of all of the abuse I've realized is going through high school I did not get to think about what I wanted to do in life, my brain did not develop normally, I have bad teeth that give me a lot of pain all the time, I have hypoglycemia, I believe I lost around $7,500 after being forced to go to college which I was not ready at all for and I went through depression for 3 years after moving in with my mom because I was not trying to avoid the abuse anymore or going through it anymore so I got to think about it and understand what I was going through. In 2019 I contacted domestic violence hotline. Which lead me to reporting all this info to end up being told that there is nothing I can do about it because it's not happening to me right now. I also tried going to a homeless shelter to try to get away from my toxic family or toxic environment. The one I ended up getting sent to has a very bad ratting. It has a lot of reviews that there's something shady going on there which I felt while I was there. There was people selling drugs there. It was very hard to sleep because people would be talking on their phones at night I have a huge issue with this because I know sleep is important for remembering and learning new stuff. So it felt like I was getting manipulated. Also the people in charge seem to always be yelling at people so it did not seem like they were trying to help anybody that was there. I ended up contacting my mother and went back to live with her. Well when I went to go back to live with my mother I talked to her about most of this and talked to my uncle about most of it as well. They told me that my grandparents abused them as well. I think they told me that they were made to work really hard on a farm and they would get beaten with a stick on the side of the road. Also they went through some of the same things I went through. I learned/realized that my grandparents did not really have any friends visiting them as if they pushed them all away growing up. I also know my great grandparents on my grandmothers side did not like my grandfather very much. I recently learned that my grandparents own my bank account. I had no idea what a joint owner meant. It's possible they took money from me but I’m not sure. I had $10,000 before I went to college. I paid for some of the college even though I had some financial aid and I had a crash while I was in college that i had to pay for. I also bought a computer and games. Not sure if all that ended up being worth $10,000 or not. It's strange that they've not told me that they basically own my bank account and I don't think my mother knows as well. I don't know why this is such a big secret which is what I want to find out next.

Update 2021: Over the past 2 years my mother got married, went on vacations that did not include me, renovated the house, had pool parties and just doing everything for her benefits. It has made me feel like my life doesn’t matter and I’ve realized I never been supported by my family in what I wanted to do in life it’s all been about what they wanted me to do. My mother just recently said I have to start paying her to live with her or I have to move out. I’ve been trying to make money getting into blockchain games but it’s so hard to make money when I need to recover from everything I’ve been through.

New update 2021: She did not end up kicking me out but she keeps telling me I owe her money. I noticed joey who she got married to got scammed for like 3,000 dollars and she seemed to care that it happened and has seemed happy about it strangely. Also I made money on an app that I could cashout for a giftcard which I wanted to try to order from burger king to see what that was like but when I told my mother she did not seem happy that I made money. Once again I feel like I’m not allowed to make money because my family wants to be in control of my life. Idk what’s gonna happen to me but it’s not gonna be good. I wish I had it in me to kill myself at this point I’m so tired of going through torture/this messed up life.

#abuse #family abuse #domestic abuse #abuse story

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your-dietician · 3 years ago

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Introduction to Neuropathy – Diabetes Daily

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/introduction-to-neuropathy-diabetes-daily/

Introduction to Neuropathy – Diabetes Daily

What is neuropathy? And more specifically, what is diabetic neuropathy? What are the symptoms and how can you prevent and treat neuropathy?

When someone hears about the long-term complications of diabetes, problems with the feet, foot ulcers, and even amputations are often brought up and can be some of the scariest outcomes. What leads to these issues is something called neuropathy, or damage to the nerves.

But neuropathy, and those subsequent complications, aren’t by any means a given – and prevention is possible. What is neuropathy and what can you do to avoid it entirely, or minimize it so that you can keep your feet, and the rest of your body, as healthy as possible?

What is the difference between neuropathy and diabetic neuropathy?

Neuropathy is the term used to describe any damage to nerves in the body (for example, an injury from a car accident can damage the nerves). Diabetic neuropathy, or diabetes-related neuropathy, is the term used to specifically describe the nerve damage from high glucose levels (hyperglycemia) over the long term.

Diabetes can cause three main types of neuropathies: peripheral neuropathy (medically referred to as distal symmetric sensorimotor polyneuropathy), autonomic neuropathy, and focal neuropathy.

Peripheral neuropathy affects the nerves outside of the brain and spinal cord, and often leads to symptoms involving the hands and feet. “This is what most people associate with diabetes-related neuropathy,” said Chris Memering, a nurse and inpatient diabetes care and education specialist at CarolinaEast Health System in New Bern, North Carolina.

Peripheral neuropathy involving the feet is the most common form of diabetic neuropathy. Loss of function in particular nerve fibers can change sensation and reduce strength in the foot. Loss of sensation can lead to injury from shoes that don’t fit, stepping on sharp objects you can’t feel, or not knowing the sidewalk is too hot. Neuropathy can also lead to pain, burning or other unpleasant sensations which may respond to medication.

But diabetes isn’t the only condition that can cause peripheral neuropathy. Other conditions that can lead to peripheral neuropathy include heavy alcohol consumption, trauma, nerve entrapment (such as that which occurs in carpal tunnel syndrome), vitamin B deficiency, chemotherapy, and an autoimmune process that attacks the nerves.

Neuropathy can also affect the functioning of the autonomic nervous system (which controls things like blood pressure, heart rate, digestion, and bowel and bladder function). This is called autonomic neuropathy. Autonomic neuropathy can lead to a variety of complications.

“In diabetes care, many people are familiar with hypoglycemia unawareness, erectile dysfunction or female sexual dysfunction, gastroparesis [when the stomach can’t empty properly and digestion slows], neurogenic bladder [when the nerves that tell your brain to tighten or release the bladder muscles don’t operate properly], or orthostatic blood pressure changes [dropping blood pressure when you stand up],” Memering said, adding that all these could be a result of neuropathy.

Finally, focal neuropathy results from issues with one or more nerve roots and usually happens suddenly. Focal neuropathies often involve both motor functioning – such as weakness – and sensory deficits, which can cause discomfort and pain.

What causes neuropathy?

Chronic hyperglycemia can damage both small and large nerve fibers. Over time, elevated glucose levels, often made worse by high triglycerides (a type of fat that can be found in the blood) and associated with inflammation (the body’s natural way of fighting infection) can cause damage to the nerves. That damage disrupts the way nerves interpret sensory information and how the messages about sensation are transmitted to the brain.

Usually, nerve damage from high blood sugar levels happens in the long nerves first (which run from your spine down to your toes), which is why the symptoms of peripheral neuropathy occur first in the feet. “The length of time someone has lived with diabetes increases their risk of developing neuropathies, as does that person’s level of blood glucose, in terms of A1C, Time in Range, and glucose variability,” Memering explained.

In essence, higher glucose levels over time increases your risk for developing neuropathy. This was confirmed by the famous Diabetes Control and Complications Trial (DCCT) and Epidemiology of Diabetes Interventions and Complications study (EDIC). The studies showed that the prevalence of confirmed peripheral neuropathy was 64% lower among participants in the intensive management group (those who managed their blood glucose carefully with treatment and kept their levels as close to normal as possible).

What does neuropathy feel like?

Symptoms of neuropathy usually start in the toes and progress upward. The sensations experienced with peripheral neuropathy differ from person to person. Some describe the feelings they have as numbness or tingling, while others say it feels like burning. Some say they are sensitive to being touched and cannot bear the feeling of a sheet or blanket covering their feet, while others describe it as feeling like they are always wearing a sock or a glove.

“Ultimately, you could end up losing protective sensation – which can be very dangerous and puts you at risk of not realizing when a part of your body is hurting or being injured,” Memering said. “While you may be able to still feel pressure – you know you are stepping on the ground with your foot – you may not be able to feel pain if you step on something sharp or hot.” This means you might not withdraw your foot from the unsafe environment, harming it further, and without realizing the extent of the damage.

The biggest concern about peripheral neuropathy involving the feet is that the loss of normal pain sensation can lead to greater skin and tissue damage. “Injury can result in the formation of a foot ulcer, which, if infected, can progress to ongoing tissue damage that can lead to amputation,” said Dr. Robert Gabbay, the chief scientific and medical officer for the American Diabetes Association. That’s why it’s so important to prevent, recognize, and treat any symptoms of neuropathy.

How is neuropathy diagnosed?

To assess for neuropathy, your healthcare team should do a thorough examination of your feet looking for sores or ulcers, changes in skin color, diminished pulses and any abnormality or injury to your foot. They can test for diminished strength, a change in your ability to know the position of your toes, and a change in sensation or sensory perception.

A foot exam will always involve taking off your socks and shoes, and your healthcare professional will inspect your feet to check for color changes, pulses, open areas, redness, rashes, and the overall condition of your feet, said Dr. Cecilia C. Low Wang, a professor of endocrinology, diabetes, and metabolism at the University of Colorado Anschultz School of Medicine.

A monofilament test uses a soft fiber to test for sensation in various parts of the feet and body, and a tuning fork can also help healthcare professionals understand how much sensation a person has lost. The monofilament test, as well as a pinprick test, can check to make sure you have good sensation, while other tests will evaluate vibration and position sense (whether you are aware of where your foot is). “The main question I would suggest asking your diabetes provider is whether they notice anything concerning about your foot exam, and whether they think you need to do anything different, or see an additional specialist, such as a podiatrist,” said Dr. Low Wang.

In this age of telehealth visits, some podiatrists have been sending a monofilament (a small strand of nylon attached to a piece of plastic) to a person’s home and teaching them how to use it to determine if they have reduced sensation in different areas of the feet. Podiatrists might even examine a person’s foot onscreen during a video visit and ask questions about how the foot feels or looks. “If there’s something of concern, they will schedule an in-person visit,” added Memering.

If someone is experiencing symptoms of autonomic neuropathy, a healthcare professional may recommend a specific test depending on what the autonomic symptoms are. For example, if there are issues with blood pressure control, taking your blood pressure as you change positions from lying to sitting to standing or using a formal tilt-table test, may show loss of autonomic control of how your body regulates your blood pressure. If you have symptoms of delayed gastric-emptying (stomach-emptying), specialized radiology tests might be ordered that show the time it takes for food to exit the stomach. The Mayo Clinic has an informative list about many of these tests. If you have any symptoms of autonomic neuropathy, such as bladder or erectile dysfunction, feeling faint on standing up, or bloating and fullness, talk to your healthcare professional and explain what you are experiencing.

What are the best treatment options for neuropathy, especially in the hands and feet?

Although it is not always possible to prevent neuropathy completely, the best way to slow its progression (as shown in the DCCT) is to closely manage your blood sugar levels and try to stay in range as much of the time as possible. If neuropathy does develop, medications can decrease the burning and tingling sensations, said Dr. Gabbay.

“Diabetes is a leading cause of neuropathy, and the higher someone’s blood sugar levels are over time, the more likely they are to develop neuropathy,” Dr. Gabbay said. “The good news is by managing blood sugar levels, one can significantly reduce their risk of developing neuropathy.”

With painful neuropathy, “treatments are generally to try to manage symptoms,” Memering said. “Medications such as Neurontin [gabapentin, a drug used for pain and seizures], Lyrica [pregabalin, a drug used for pain and seizures], or Cymbalta [duloxetine, a drug used for chemical balance in the brain] may be used to help with pain associated with painful peripheral neuropathies. These medications can be very effective, but it may take a few weeks to adjust and find the right dose. However, people should know that the medications can also be somewhat sedating.” Other drugs that may be effective include drugs used for mood disorders such as venlafaxine, nortriptyline, or amitriptyline, said Dr. Low Wang, but they may have side effects at higher doses and with older age.

Dr. Gabbay added that neuropathy “is a very active area of research to identify new and effective treatments.”

There are also various treatments to help improve the symptoms of autonomic neuropathy:

For Postural Blood Pressure Changes:

If you have a significant decrease in your blood pressure on standing, your healthcare professional can teach you how to get up slowly to allow your body to regulate your blood pressure with positional change.

You can also wear an abdominal binder, which Memering described as “a big elastic girdle that puts more pressure on the big blood vessels in the body,” so that they have more support when changing positions.

Other treatments include adjusting salt intake, using compression stockings, doing physical activity to avoid deconditioning, and staying hydrated, said Dr. Low Wang.

For Neurogenic Bladder:

If you are experiencing a neurogenic bladder, urinating at regular intervals during the day and night can help the bladder empty even if you no longer feel the urge to urinate. You might also undergo a urinalysis or a bladder scan, said Dr. Low Wang. Medications can also help.

For Gastroparesis:

Eating low-fiber, low-fat foods in smaller and more frequent meals and getting a greater proportion of calories from liquids might help, said Dr. Low Wang.

Sometimes the drug metoclopramide (Reglan) may be prescribed and gastric electrical stimulation might be used in severe cases.

For Erectile Dysfunction:

You may be prescribed one of the medications – sildenafil, tadalafil, avanafil, or vandenafil – but you may also need to undergo a physical exam, or other tests.

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms of neuropathy, you should speak with your healthcare professional to determine what diagnostic tests need to be done and what treatment course might be best for you.

Can you reverse diabetic neuropathy?

Currently, neuropathy can’t be reversed, but its progression may be slowed. Keeping blood sugar levels in the recommended targets is the key to doing so, Memering said. “The use of diabetes technology may be very helpful – especially continuous glucose monitors – for keeping your blood sugar in range, along with eating a varied diet, including vegetables and fruits, and exercising regularly,” she said.

Tips for living with diabetes and neuropathy

The two best things someone with diabetic neuropathy can do are to:

Manage their blood sugar levels to keep the neuropathy from getting worse.

Check their feet regularly, both at home and during healthcare appointments.

Check your feet at home

Dr. Gabbay, Dr. Low Wang, and Memering each recommended that all people with diabetes, whether young or old, newly diagnosed or not, should regularly check their feet. Dr. Gabbay advised, “Use a mirror to see the bottoms of the feet and make sure there are no cuts or ulcerations” that would need immediate attention to ensure they don’t worsen. If need be, ask someone in your household to help you inspect your feet. To help avoid foot injury, Dr. Low Wang recommended: “Always wear socks and well-fitting shoes, avoid going barefoot, and look at shoes before putting them on to be sure there is nothing in them.”

No matter where you are in your diabetes journey, daily foot checks “partly establish the habit before there are any problems, but are also a way to get to know your body so you can understand what is normal for you and what is not,” Memering said. “That way, when there is a change, you can all your healthcare office right away. Don’t wait until your next appointment – call,” she said, adding that they should be able to tell you if you need to make an appointment right away.

Remember, as with many complications of diabetes, for neuropathy prevention is key! To learn more, view or download our infographic on preventing neuropathy.

About Cheryl

Cheryl Alkon is a seasoned writer and the author of the book Balancing Pregnancy With Pre-Existing Diabetes: Healthy Mom, Healthy Baby. The book has been called “Hands down, the best book on type 1 diabetes and pregnancy, covering all the major issues that women with type 1 face. It provides excellent tips and secrets for achieving the best management” by Gary Scheiner, the author of Think Like A Pancreas. Since 2010, the book has helped countless women around the world conceive, grow and deliver healthy babies while also dealing with diabetes.

Cheryl covers diabetes and other health and medical topics for various print and online clients. She lives in Massachusetts with her family and holds an undergraduate degree from Brandeis University and a graduate degree from the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism.

She has lived with type 1 diabetes for more than four decades, since being diagnosed in 1977 at age seven.

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vallidix8640127 · 4 years ago

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Your Diet And Reactive Hypoglycemia

NutraPharmex Keto - http://nutrapharmex.org/. Read about various low-carb diets and thereafter zero in on people. Avoid drastic diet plans that enable no vegetables or fruit - depriving yourself of fiber is definitely not healthy and obviously boring! Just how can long can you eat meat, day in and weekend day?

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aiyalexandra-blog · 5 years ago

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A Simple Dieting Plan

Not only did I lower my carbohydrate intake, but while i ate carbohydrates, I only ate complex carbohydrates and i ate these for fat.and in addition that, I eliminated all refined foods from my diet, all simple and starchy carbohydrates, sugars, caffeine and drink. Not eating these things is fundamental you getting Reactive Hypoglycemia under cope with. With quite a few weight loss programs out there, it's difficult to select which one to select. One program a involving people try is Strip That Fat. If you have researched online about the different diet and fitness programs available, you might have became aware of it 1-2 times. How about acidic household goods? What foods have low pH? Most meat products should be ignored since they lower your pH. Other groceries worth mentioning include coffee, beer, His And Hers Keto Diet peanuts, pickled vegetables, and processed parmesan cheesse.

Along with workout program, the Power 90 In-House Boot Camp includes an application guide, a transformation tracker, a diet pill ketosis diet plan menu for women, a 6-day fat burning express plan, success measurement card, a tape measure His And Hers Keto Price an influence sculpting strip. These additional features are motivators and assist you in reaching your ends up. The Power 90 have an online access that permits you to get in touch with fitness trainers along with other peers. Some be useful clearing all doubts because highly motivate you to continue the assistance. Last question - does the plan talk about exercise? Any worthwhile diabetic meal plan should encourage exercise. Every person the step to the type of weight loss that improves all the systems have got affected by type 2 diabetes. If your plan a person looking at downplays exercise or says you don't require it, the objective be a quality time to move on. I'm going to pick on Dr. The atkins diet. He has a form of some keto guidelines. While it's easy to eat very few carbs for some time period of time, won't you in order to? You're more irritable and you get terrible breath just to shed body fat quickly? No thanks. Instead work on doing something that you know can perform stick with for quite a few years. It doesn't imply that in the event that are already on diet you additionally become healthy. Actually, it is probably the most affected within your life an individual are not wanting to eat enough food to provide the nutrients that it. You may become slimmer having said that your health can in great danger. The actual thing in order to can do is make investments into natural supplements that besides losing weight it will provide the particular body with the nutrients that it requires. There could be lot of items that promises this involving benefits a few of routines not provide the correct quantity of energy to do intense course of action. With the ketogenic diet when possible not just achieve an excellent body that you wish to own but discover also acquire huge amount energy which can use to do other job or the aerobic physical exercise.Would allowing me to begin this article with a short comment? Order that happen to be now holding this article in the hands or reading it stored on your PC screen, I know you had not given up hope for being slim and beautiful again. In which why I am writing you r 'cold'. Just give me 9 minutes of your time to prove how various things will be this opportunity. And what's more. It won't a person to a cent to discover. That's right, you can believe extremely eyes. Can see how the lies would shock get you started of your pants or skirts. Do we agree?

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allthelovehxx · 8 years ago

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Frustrated & Stressed part 2

The overflowing motivation and inspiration was dwindling down by day 4 and was completely gone by day 5. I managed to finish the nervous system the other day and as I was starting on the muscular system the following day, our group from another course had an emergency meeting. Apparently the script that I had made for our short film was lost. Although we were able to recover it, half of the script was gone. So I had to look up the file and resend it again. Day 4 seemed to be an unlucky day for me. I was summoned all day by various group activities and by the time it was all over, the sun has set and my time was running out. As soon as I got back to my apartment, I immediately went straight to my drawings which I had left on my floor a couple hours ago in my mad dash to other committments. I haven't felt as busy as today in my entire life. But Day 5 proved me wrong. Last night, I have finished colouring the nervous system and have managed to do a quick outline for the muscular before I literally passed out on the floor. So now I wake with a kink in my neck and lower back due to the uncomfortable position I was in all night. I eventually got up and looked around the mess I had made. Scattered all over the floor were art supplies, sketches, notebooks and I had various medical books open in front of me. I couldn't remember how much studying I got last night so that meant I have to re-read them again. "Later," I muttered. It was only a little after nine in the morning so I have enough time to finish everything before immersing myself in this again. I decided to take a quick shower to help ease my sore muscles. After that somewhat relaxing shower, I shut the water off and stumbled back to my room, putting on the most comfortable clothes from my closet. I think it's Harry's shirt because of the holes in it and I do not own any band shirts. And judging by the massive KISS printed in front, it's his. I went to the kitchen to start up the percolator and noticed the half-eaten sandwich that was starting to spoil on the table. The coffee pot made a noise and I walked over to make myself some. As I took a sip, I thought about my plan for today. The only thing left for me to do was the muscular system visuals then it's all readings for me. Thinking about the pending work made my shoulders slump. I was so tired. I have poured all of me into this study week plan to get my grades on a good start because I had the awful habit of procrastinating -- like any other college student -- but when I get spurts of motivation, I take advantage of it. It was the only way I could actually finish things. So to kind of put the impending at the back of my mind, I decided to do a bit of cleaning because my flat needed it. I started with the kitchen then the bedroom, avoiding the living room so as not to disturb the calm that had blanketed my work space. I finished everything in two hours and I guess that was enough avoiding the inevitable. I dragged myself to the living room where I sat back down on the floor and gave one last sigh to my school works but as soon as I grabbed my pencil and sketchpad, all thoughts of fatigue, dread and hopelessness vanished and once again I was immersed in a world of colour and curiosity that made me forget about reality for a couple of hours. I don't know how long it had been but somewhere between sketching the rectus femoris and the hamstring group, I felt a pang of pain in my midsection. My mind immediately thought of its place as the rectus abdominis and I was sucked back into the system. I had this thought at the edge of my mind that I was forgetting something but I brushed it off and continued to draw the last of the muscles. After a few more lines, I was finally done. I laid all of them neatly on the floor and admired them. The only thing left to do was to color them in. Knock. Knock My head snapped to the direction of my door and I stood up, hearing my bone crack in the process. Yikes. How long have I been sitting there? Another round of knocks sounded as I stalked over the door. I didn't bother looking through the peephole as I swung the door open. And there revealed a tall man wearing all black with bags on his hands. I didn't get the chance to fully inspect him before I was engulfed in a warm hug. But I didn't need to see him, though, because his familiar scent told me all I needed to know. That he was here, in the flesh and that this was real. "Hey," he whispered in my ear and pressed a kiss to my head as we both held each other. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until now. I felt my muscles relax as he held me tighter and breathed me in. He has been gone too long. "Hi," I finally said, after releasing each other and I got to get a good look at him. He was wearing his dark peacoat -- my favorite -- over his YSL shirt and some skinny jeans with his tan boots, of course. Slung over his shoulder is his leather duffel bag. He looked more broader, his hair a lot longer and more handsome than before he left for tour. Tour. Wait. "What are you doing here? You have tour." He raised an eyebrow at me and smiled amusedly. "It ended months ago, love. Don't you remember?" I smacked my head as my mind cleared up a little bit from all those terms I have managed to get stuck in my brain. "Right, right. Of course. You were in LA with Jeff." I said mostly to myself. I opened the door wider to let him in. "Why didn't you text me, though? I would have picked you up at the airport or something," I followed him to the living room where he placed his bags beside the couch where my things were still strewn across the floor. He spun around and laughed at me, "or I could've cleaned in here to make the place more presentable." Harry gestured for us to move our conversation to the kitchen. "I don't mind the clutter, it's nice to see you actually study plus I did text you." "You did?" Now that I think of it, I haven't checked my phone for days. I silently followed him again and as soon as I stepped into the kitchen, I was blinded by the fluorescent. "Jesus, (Y/N)," Harry muttered and grabbed both my shoulders. I looked up at him, confused but he just stared at me. His eyes flitted between my own, a crease had formed in the middle of his forhead, and his lips were pressed into a tight line. "When was the last time you slept?" I rolled my eyes at him. "I just woke up a couple hours ago, Harry." "Are you sure?" I nodded at him. "How about the last time you ate?" I was going to roll my eyes at him again but I stopped and really thought about it. Harry's hands left my shoulders and wound them across his chest when I was taking too long to answer as if proving a point. If I remember correctly, when I woke up this morning I had coffee but that was it. "Uh, I had coffee for breakfast." "Breakfast?" He looked at me incredulously. Not this again. I am in no mood to have this conversation with him. I am overly tired and as if the universe was suddenly against me, my stomach grumbled reminding me I still haven't had lunch. "If it makes you feel any better, we can go grab lunch now." I offered. "It's too late for that now, isn't it?" He scoffed. Seriously, what the hell is his problem? Sure I missed a meal, it's not like we couldn't grab one right now. And here I am volunteering to eat and yet he's still mad at me. What on earth does he want me to do? I can feel the slight irritation crawling on my skin at the tone of his voice. "What?" I asked through gritted teeth. "Look out the window." I looked to my right expecting to see something significant but all I could see was pitch black, I could barely see over my backyard. What was I supposed to be looking at exactly? Everything is dark. Then it hit me. Dark. That meant the stars were out and possibly the moon. Night. It was already night time. It was too late for lunch. I glanced back at Harry and grabbed for his wrist where a gold watch was strapped. The tiny clock read 11:45pm. It was almost midnight. It was too late for dinner too. Wow. Time flew by without me noticing. A lot of things seemed to slip my mind lately. "Baby, are you okay?" Harry's voice broke through my thoughts. He was now holding my face, his expression soft and his previous anger was replaced with worry. "You're shaking," on cue, my senses returned to me and I could feel my body was indeed shaking. "I--" I didn't know what to say. I suddenly felt dizzy and I could feel my body go limp, my knees weakening. "Woah," Harry immediately caught me, wrapping both arms around my waist before I hit the ground. He half-carried me over to the bar stool and sat me there. My head lolled forward, landing on his shoulder. "Love, talk to me. What's wrong?" I blinked a few times and tried to assess myself. I pulled away from Harry's shoulder weakly and tried to hold it there as I attempted to speak. He snaked a hand to my cheek where I leaned in for support. "I think I'm h-having hypoglycemia... you know... when... blood sugar is low because of..." I paused, my head spinning. "... and I think I'm dehydrated." I furrowed my eyebrows at him. I squinted as my vision became a little bit blurry. I tried to make out his face, his eyes. His eyes that were once so vibrant and full of life was now dull and full of worry. Because of me. Because of my carelessness. "Do I need to bring you to the hospital?" "No, no," I shook my head weakly and winced as the world tipped slightly. "There's a juice box in the fridge, I think, and I also think there's a chocolate bar, too." He looked like he was going to protest about my food choices, probably going to say it wasn't healthy or some shit so I quickly added, "I need those, first, Harry. Don't fight me on this one." And with that, he gently positioned me to lean on the table as he went to the fridge and got what I asked him. He popped the straw in the box and placed it on my lips. I reluctantly took a sip and was grateful for the liquid as it entered my system but all too soon, it was pulled away from me and was replaced by a bar of Snickers. I took one bite and took my time chewing it. It really bewilders me how I didn't realize how much time I was spending in my studies so I came to the conclusion that: College is toxic. Harry waved the candy bar in front of me again but I shook my head to say that I only needed a bite. He pushed back the juice box towards me as he put the chocolate in the fridge and grabbed a water bottle before closing the door. "How are you feeling?" He asked. I only shrugged in response because I didn't know if the food had worked its magic on me yet. I brought my hand up to see if I was shaking and still, I was. I sighed to myself and held the juice box between my hands, no longer feeling like drinking it. Harry had his massive hands on my back, rubbing smooth circles on it. The next few minutes were spent in silence, me sipping here and there, and Harry never ceasing his gentle gestures. He patiently stayed by my side humming things that came to his mind. "I'm sorry," I finally said after deciding that I was okay now. Harry snapped his head to my direction with furrowed eyebrows. Oh, how I want those lines to go away. "I'm sorry I forgot to eat. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry for getting mad at you, I was just really stressed. I know that's not an excuse but--" I was cut off by Harry engulfing me in a tight warm hug. "Shh, are you okay?" Were the first words that flew out of his mouth. He was so kind and it made me feel more guilty than I already am. "What matters is that you're fine now and that I'm here to take care of you." He kissed my head before pulling away and looking into my eyes. "You're okay now, right?" I nodded. "Do you still want to get some dinner or midnight snack?" I smiled at him. "No, let's stay here. I'll cook us something to eat." And finally, the dimple that I adored so much, made its appearance on his cheek. To be honest, I was really glad he didn't want to go out because I still felt weak and I didn't trust myself to walk, let alone stand up. "Do you wanna go up to your bed?" I shook my head. "I like watching you cook." And with that he stood up and started grabbing everything he needed, not before planting another kiss on my forehead. I momentarily forgot about the school works that were silently calling for my attention from the living room. I'm too tired to go back and face them again, so I let my mind wander over to the curly haired boy in my kitchen who was shaking his bum and dancing to a tune only he could hear. I laughed at him and settled further into my seat with only one thought in my mind: I deserve this little break but I would probably regret this tomorrow.

#harry styles imagine #harry one shot #harry fluff #mine #masterlist #i want harry #give me harry #lol

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tismydeath-blog · 7 years ago

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"Being strong"

(I’ve been waiting a while for this one…)

So, about 11 months ago I decided to walk out of the life of a person I call “Virgo♍” or “My Virgo♍” its also around the time I decided to let everything out, I told my mother about everything I’d ever thought about her. Now before that, I’d like to add that my mother had never been a good mother, not even a respectable one, she gave me up to my grandmother when I was 1, all because the man I’m supposed to call my “father” walked out on her after telling her to either abort me or have me as a single mother. After I was given up to my grandmother, my “father” came back and hooked up with my mother, they created my 2 beautiful sisters, 3 and 4 years younger than me. As a kid, I’d always begged my mother to be with her, I’d always wanted to know her, but she would always answer with “I’ve got no room for garbage.” As the years passed, the insults on her part became worse, she’d never allow me a chance to know her, never seemed at all interested in me, I grew hatred for her, respect was never something present in my life towards her, she was nothing but a stain in my messed up life.

When I turned 8, she allowed me the chance to live with her, only catch was, it had to be in the US, away from my grandmother, I, like the idiot I was, accepted. 4 years I spent with this devil of a woman, 4 miserable years, it was hell, I wasn’t allowed anything, no friends, no help with school work, no fun whatsoever, I was to be quiet at all times and never question her “authority”, this started backfiring real soon. I developed an even deeper hatred for her, everyday I’d pray to God to take her in the most distasteful ways, that never came to be. At the age of 12 we moved back to my old island, I immediately went to my grandmother, whom I hadn’t heard anything from in 4 years, I did everything to stay with her, but in the end, I ended up living with mom, so my hell continued. I started getting into fights at school, long before I’d moved back to my island, I developed a habit of having partners I really didn’t feel much for.

(did that till I was 17, but that’s for another day.)

I started getting physical with mom on most occasions, whenever I received ANY type of criticism, I’d respond with “you want something done your way, you do it yourself”, it went from that to pushing her against the wall when she tried to put her hands on me, putting my hands around her neck, I got so fed up, I really didn’t care whether I was hitting a woman or not. By the age of 15, I had put hands on my mother a good 15 times, maybe more, it goes without saying that I was thrown out every one of those times, grandma was always there though. 17 was when I met my father, horrible man with nothing but bad wishes for all, I still don’t see him as my “dad” I like to think my “dad” died the moment he gave my mother an ultimatum about my life.

(I don’t fell like writing about that experience again, just scroll down and you’ll eventually find a post with the story.)

So when I return to my old island, I break things off with “little miss Colombian” (also mentioned in the same experience) and meet someone new, Virgo♍. I grew attached to her quickly, because she came at a point of my life where I was looking at suicide as the only possible way and she changed that without even knowing it. Now me and Virgo♍ were as close as close can be, I still think we are, we were together for about a year and 9 months, happiest time of my life, sadly, things ended, my heart was broken, but again, in the past, don’t care for writing about that now. Instead of leaving things as they were, I decided to try and get her back, it was cruel and unsuccessful and in the end, on October of last year, I decided to walk away from her, leaving her with her problems to herself, the problem with this move was that I only did it because I had began realizing I was toxic for her and that she needed to grow, for that, I needed to be out of the picture. The same day I did that, I went home, angry at what I’d done, but even more angrier at the fact that I had given up so easily. Little things set me off, anything set me off that day actually and it was all made worse when mom came back from work. That day, I hadn’t eaten, I went to her school, told her I was leaving completely, both from her life and from my island and upon arriving home I locked myself in my room and waited to fall asleep, mom got home and started interrogating me;

“did you eat?” “why were you at Virgo’s school today?” “Why haven’t you been out of here since you got back.”

(I suffer from hypoglycemia and often forget to eat, so the first question, as stupid as it seems, is always necessary.)

When she walked in, I was crying and as soon a I heard her nagging voice, I snapped. I got up from my bed and held her by the collar of her work shirt. I bit my lips, as an avalanche of words began trying to escape me, words I knew would hurt her and they did. I still remember what I said, word for word…

“I hate you… I’ve always hated you, from the moment I realized what a bitch you are, you have no idea how many times I wanted to snap your neck with my own hands, how many times I wanted to stab you in the heart, how many times I wanted to see you bleed out and laugh at you as you slowly left this world. You call yourself a mother, YOU! You ain’t a mother, you’re a slut that got pregnant at 16, was left by her spouse and threw her child away as a result, I could care less about what kind of “trauma” you went through, whether it was his leaving that forced you to become the bitch you are today or something totally different, you gave me away, like if I was a lifeless object, I’M NOT DAMN OBJECT, I’M A FUCKING HUMAN BEING, I FUCKING FEEL EVERYTHING YOU THROW AT ME, MY HEART AIN’T MADE OF STONE… I just want to be loved, I want someone to hold me, to tell me everything’s gonna be OK, I want someone to really mean it when they say they’ll never leave me, that they’ll never stop loving me, I DESERVE THAT MUCH, AFTER ALL THE SHIT I’VE BEEN PUT THROUGH, THAT MUCH I DESERVE! Why is that so hard to ask for… Why is it that when I find someone who actually makes me feel loved, they leave, why is it that my own mother could care less whether I live or die, why is it that my life has been an endless cycle of hatred, an endless cycle of loneliness… Would the world just be better if I disappeared? If I’d stopped existing… WHY WONT ANYONE LOVE ME DAMMIT!!!“

… I broke down then and there, on my mother’s shoulder and as I slowly fell to my knees and cried like I’d never cried before, for the first time ever, I felt her embrace… I felt the warm, loving hug of my mother… That broke me even more, I curled myself up, pathetically, a 19 year old, curled up at his mother’s side, crying like he’d never cried before, just letting out ALL THOSE PENT UP FEELING I’ve held throughout my life. From that day on, I made a mends with my mom, I forgave her, for everything, I broke my grudge for her and accepted that living with hatred, was never gonna get me anywhere. While at it, I forgave everyone, my father, the people who called themselves my friends, those people who cheated me, Virgo♍, but the most satisfying of all… My mom… After all that, I decided a change was in order, I decided I no longer gave a fuck, I don’t care about what people say/think of me, don’t care if I’m cheated, don’t care if I’m liked or not. I started forming a new relationship with my mom, I can’t really say I love her yet, but I totally tolerate and respect her now, living without hate, without jealousy, without that constant fear of not being loved… It feels good.

( I forgot to fit the title in with the context😅. It’s good to be strong, but people make it seem like being strong is holding all their feelings in and living with whatever it causes them, whether its pain or despair, this is wrong, being strong is knowing its time to stop bottling up your feelings and talking about them to someone, whether you have bad feelings for someone of something, its important to let your feelings be known, don’t live with the pain inside, let it out, be strong in a way that doesn’t cause you suffering.)

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nashta · 7 years ago

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Disclaimer: I'm not trying to complain or anything

I realize far too many people have it so much worse than I do, and I just need to put this out there or I'll cave in on myself. Also this post is a giant mess and I don't expect anyone to read it. So a few months ago, I started a new job where I'm working on Friday and Saturday until close (0300). My friend who will be moving in this week or next in place of my mom (oh yeah she's leaving the state) is my ride to and from work, and he refuses to pick me up from those two shifts because he works the next morning. Understandable, I guess, but Uber is super expensive like the first ride I had was almost $40. I can't afford that twice a week. Luckily, another friend of mine is saving me and will be my ride home until she goes to boot camp in February. Anyway, I feel lifeless. I'm not eating anything like I should and I have no energy and school is starting soon and I'm under immense amounts of stress and sacrificing more of myself than I have to sacrifice. He complained about the work thing, saying he won't pick me up from that shift, which I kind of get, but he also said he wants his 2 days off to be reliable so he knows that he'll have a day or two to look forward to where he doesn't have to drive or wake up or anything. Again, I get it, but here's the thing: you can't have both. You gotta either give up your guaranteed days off or a couple hours of sleep because I'm already not sleeping much/well, especially with school coming up. A full-time job on top of school that I'm fully responsible for? I will not be sleeping. A big-ass thing, a few months ago when he said he wouldn't pick me up from those shifts, I lashed out and said "how the fuck am I gonna eat with no job?" because yknow, anxiety, and he lashed back "don't you fucking dare try to guilt trip me." I wasn't trying to though, I was honestly just trying to express what my fears were. Literally ever since then, I refuse to tell him anything. I was often told I was a manipulative child, and maybe it's because I was "mature" for a child because manipulation, even after I learned what it was, was never my intent. But now, I can't tell him when something is wrong. I cry after a ton of shifts on the ride home almost the entire ride because honestly I have so much I need to just get OUT (hence this post) and so many things I'm afraid of and things I need him to do or at least listen to and understand. I need a hug and a cry and I need to know I'm safe and things will be fine and that someone gives a legitimate damn about me and my well-being because it really feels like no one in the world cares. Not enough, anyway. At this point now, someone just saying "I care" really isn't going to cut it. I'm not going to believe them, not really. I can consciously tell myself that, I can back it up with evidence and logic and things they've done to "prove" it, but I still won't feel it. He always wants to get home to his place, I understand, he's tired and wants to go, but I'm never okay. I'm so shot, during those times I'm crying in his car for 20 mins I literally just need a real fucking hug and I need to be allowed to cry because I don't make any sound. As soon as I get inside, I break the fuck down like I'm talking drop everything and fall to the floor audibly sobbing, and I'm exaggerating absolutely none of that. I've been afraid to post on this for so long because I know he follows it and reads shit and I'm afraid of what'll happen but honestly I just want to die and the more shit that happens, the more I break and the less I feel and the sooner I'll kill myself so maybe him getting pissed off and so upset with me is for the best. THIS IS A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT @ANYONE/FUTURE ME The reason I'm always crying is that I have things I need to express, but I can't. I'm constantly reminded of that "don't guilt me" thing, and every single thing I need to express is a guilt trip, all of it is a fucking manipulation, and I can't express that feeling because that is ALSO a guilt trip and a fucking manipulation. Telling him what I need and why and how it's fucking with me, that'll possibly make him feel bad, and telling him that I can't tell him shit might also make him feel bad, you see where I'm going with this? He also thinks I'm dramatic and overreacting to shit. My whole body is in pain and simple tasks seem to hurt more than they used to. FUTURE ME, THIS IS ALSO A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT I've expressed some of these things before and he just invalidates them. "Oh you're fine," "you just have hypothermia because you always have the A/C on," "your weight is fine." NO BITCH My temperature at one point hit 94.something. That's dangerous, and while I realize you can get hypothermia from too much A/C, I don't have any of the symptoms and I have too many symptoms of other things that are more likely. My mom is Type 1 brittle diabetic (autoimmune disease) which means being hypoglycemic isn't an out-there theory, I have a lot of symptoms, and it would explain the voodoo doll feeling. Plus hypoglycemia (from what I've read) is often a symptom itself of something else. Having Addison's Disease also isn't all that far off because it is also an autoimmune disease and it attacks internal organs (from what I've read. I'm not a doctor I don't know how likely or unlikely it is that I could have it). ALSO kidney disease (CKD) is another possibility because I have too many symptoms to be that much coincidence and that really freaks me out because if I'm ever so broke that I literally cannot afford food/water/other damn needs, my backup plan (honestly probably for college) is to sell one of my kidneys since you really only need one. And yes, I mean on the black market. Go ahead FBI fucking come for me. If I don't have 2 working kidneys, bye bye backup plan! Also to add to that stress, I don't know half of my biological family medical history. Never had a dad because he left, so I don't know what I'm at risk for from them. I have decent reason to fucking panic! MORE IMPORTANT THING FUTURE ME I KNOW YOU'VE NODDED OFF BY NOW PROBABLY GO FUCK YOURSELF I'm starving myself. Kind of. Ok look it's not in an ED sort of way. It's not like that, I'm not so fucking hungry that I'm clutching my stomach in pain and still refusing to eat. If I'm that hungry I'll try and fucking eat something. I have a small appetite because of stress and probably other things rn. There are usually only a few times I eat: 1) when I watch Shane Dawson videos (idk why he used to do a lot of food stuff and I'd usually watch them after work when I was hungry so maybe that's it but it's stuck now) 2) when I have to take my meds (before work and during work if it's been a while) 3) if my head is being stupid (if I have a massive headache because I've learned that that usually means I need food, or if my head is super foggy and I'm confused and slow and forgetful) My usual weight from a few months ago was like 115-118 lbs. I'm 4'11 so that's not bad BMI but I despised my body and frequently would punish myself for indulging or eating too much. My BMI was fine but too uncomfortably close to "overweight" for me. However, didn't hate my weight, just my body. Light for me was 112-115 lbs. My average-ish weight now is 100 lbs, and it's going down. I don't despise my body now (don't really like it still but I'm fine with it) and I don't want to gain my weight back but I'm also scared to lose more. I weighed myself earlier today and I WAS 98 LBS. THAT'S APPROXIMATELY A 20 LB DROP. That's still a healthy weight, but it wasn't lost in a healthy way and that's what fucking scares me. I sent him a photo of the scale at 99 lbs (he knows my normal weight and I expressed to him when I lost 10 lbs how worried I was because it was after like 2 weeks of accidental starvation) and YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING SAID? "Your weight is nothing to be worried about." I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE GODDAMMIT HE FUCKING KNOWS I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING. WE'VE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW IT'S A FUCKING STRUGGLE FOR ME TO GET IN MORE THAN 800 CALORIES IN A FUCKING WAKE CYCLE PLUS EVERYTHING I'M EATING IS NOT GOOD FOR ME TO BE EATING LIKE THIS Jesus fucking Christ god fucking dammit I'M FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON IT'S THERE IS BECAUSE I'VE NOT BEEN EATING. I'VE BEEN FUCKING STARVING MYSELF I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. Because of money. That's literally the reason. I picked up my medication today and had a $1 copay. I've never had a copay before. I had an anxiety attack and bought food, plus I was hungry. I woke at 1800, ate at around 2000, ate again at 1000 when I took another dose of meds before work. This prescription thing, I got back in his car (which isn't working well and he was angry so I kind of get it) at 1700ish. I ate one small soft cookie and he asked me to not eat because chewing irritates him. So I didn't eat until 0100, after a few hours of sleep. Let me timeline this for you: 1800 - wake 2 hours later - approximately 1c rice with nooch and chili powder and a little cheese to take my meds and supplement 14 hours later- 1.5 pieces of naan with hummus to take my meds 7 hours later - 1 small cookie that I then felt bad about buying and eating because it made him angry and reinforced the "you're nothing so you don't deserve to eat" thing in my head 4 hours later - fall asleep 3.5 hours later - wake 30 mins later - half a package of soft cookies with milk 5 hours later - writing this post for 1.5 - 2 hours I don't eat 95% of the time because of money. If I eat this food, then I have to spend money to replace it. I might need that money later so don't eat too much, eat only what you need, don't be a fucking pig, eat only what you need to function, don't be greedy, eat only what you need to stay alive for now, don't piss anyone off by making a mess and being lazy just don't eat if you don't absolutely need to. Don't make anyone angry at you. Make it last. You need boots that you can work in. You need your neck worked out. You want to see Motionless In White, save your money. You can't go to Kipona this year because he won't go with you and you have no one else even though you used to go with Grandbob, maybe next year or the one after that. Save your money. Maybe Muddy Run? Save your money for that. You want to go to the Ren Faire, save all you can for that. Another thing that's fucking with me He said he'd take off work and go to last month's flute circle because I really want him to experience it, but backed out because he didn't want to take off work and left me unable to attend. I rarely go, and it's the last regular experience I have to Grandbob and it absolutely fucking destroyed me to not be there. Again. I can't go to this month's because it was 2 days ago. I don't think I'll be allowed to go back for another few years, I don't think I'll be allowed to experience anything that connects me to Grandbob for another few years and by then they'll probably all be gone. I'm not allowed to cope or lash out or cry or scream or experience emotion or eat or fucking try to have some sort of connection to Grandbob because it inconveniences everyone else and I'm not allowed to have needs or try to take care of myself because it inconveniences everyone else and makes everyone else angry and every single thing I do does that. Last week I woke up at 0200 and couldn't go back to sleep even though I had to be at work at 1100 and close the shop at 2100 and work through those hours. I couldn't get back to sleep even though I tried for hours because I was having a depressive anxiety attack and crying for hours and I was literally imagining that my availability having to change and possibly not being able to work the drunk rush anymore making my boss so angry and upset that he fires me and me being as depressed and anxious and suicidal as I am, literally taking a knife and killing myself in the bathroom and my coworker (who actually got fired irl) found me and was just so apathetic and my boss literally just being like "goddammit now I have this mess to clean up and have to close early and can't make money" and me dying having zero emotional impact on either of them because I'm not a fucking person to them and all I am is a hassle. So I'm seeing that in my head and crying for hours, then I'm also seeing potential effect that that imaginary situation has on my mom and my friend and I'm crying over THAT for hours. God, I don't even fucking know. I just want to die because no one gives a fuck and I hate this country and I don't have enough money to survive and be okay in this country and politics is killing me and money and stress and I just want to fucking die because my soul is cold and nothing feels real or genuine to me anymore and I'm just a fucking obligation to everyone I'm not a fucking person I'm not important I'm just a selfish piece of shit motherfucker that needs to die alone in a hole and I'm pretty sure this whole post is a fucking guilt trip manipulation bullshit even though I don't mean it to be and I wish I never needed anything because hugs aren't feeling genuine anymore no one fucking takes my needs into consideration it doesn't matter how thin i get or how thin I'm spread it's never enough and I can't expect anyone to spread themselves the smallest bit until I'm fucking dust please just end my earthly existence Look at me Look at this fucking post I'm fucking crazy, aren't I? Isn't this the raving of a mad person? I've literally spent 2 hours typing this WHY am I this way? WHY can't I just deal with it like everyone else?

#myposts #depression #depressing thoughts #anxiety #ravings of a madman #wes #wesley #yeah this is about you sorry for being so shitty #really really hoping you're not going to read this #really hope you don't have notifications on or something #hope you just don't #at the very least #don't fucking say anything to my mom #k cool #I am trash #personal #personal thoughts #bye

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