#they all get shoved into the same list but it's not like tumblr lets me record why i blocked them.

[orcelito]

Yet again hindered by the "this reply is hidden because you have the user blocked" message. It has me Almost wondering whether I'd be better off not blocking so many people. So that I can freely be a nosy bitch.

Almost, but not quite. My block list is for my sanity, after all.

[bicth-and-in-that-order]

Let’s talk about THAT CaitVi scene and the fandom’s response to it

All cards out on the table, I used to adore CaitVi. I was there in the trenches reading the fanfics, watching the shipping videos, even going on fucking dynasty scans for the fanart + doujinshis😭 (iykyk). I loved CaitVi down bad, and of all the things I was most excited for in S2, this ship becoming canon was near the top of the list. I say this to say I don’t come from a place of apathy or hatred when it comes to this ship, but just genuine disappointment and disgust for how it was mishandled in season 2. Particularly when it comes to the abuse.

In preparation of this rant, I did my homework to fully understand both sides. I watched this video:

Which explains Cait’s behavior and even addresses her physical abuse. And, as much as it pains me to say this, I looked through the CaitVi tag on tumblr and read as many posts as I could defending Caitlyn and CaitVi as a ship.

Before I begin, I think it would be fair to lay out the main defense before tearing into these people. So let’s talk about Cait:

The main thesis of “Stop Me Oh’s” video and many other CaitVi shippers is that Caitlyn is someone who doesnt like to communicate her feelings and thinks actions speak louder than words. By helping Vi without hesitation during Act 2 and putting aside her grief to allow Vi a chance to talk to Jinx, someone who murdered her mother, Cait is already showing immense remorse. She’s taking steps to make amends for her actions and proving that her love and trust in Vi outweighs her desire to get revenge. She doesn’t need to actually utter a single apology when she’s done more than enough to make up for her misgivings.

And excusing the whole fascist thing, ALL she did was hit Vi. She didn’t kill the poor thing like Jayce and they weren’t fighting to death like Ekko and Jinx:

And, let’s be honest, wouldn’t you do the same? Put yourself Cait’s shoes. Imagine your family was blown up by your partner’s crazy lunatic sister. You watched her turn your world upside down. And while your partner is fully supportive of hunting down your mother’s murderer, she suddenly switches up when it’s time to actually go through with it. She’s stopping you from shooting this deranged killer all because you MIGHT shoot some annoying child. And then you miss the best chance you’ll ever get to take down this terrorist and your partner comes crawling back to you, talking about how you’re just like that murderer. Then, in the heat of the moment, you hit her with the butt of your gun. You hit her and you abandon her in a hole while she cries on the ground. It’s harsh, but doesn’t she deserve it?

Don’t you see? Cait is a poor rich girl who lost her mother. Unlike these other murderers and thugs, all she did was hit Vi during a moment of passion and would never, ever, ever, ever, do it again. Vi should be grateful Cait even let her see her only family, she could’ve just fucking killed the bitch.

Okay. Jokes asides, let’s just address each of these points one by one.

1. Cait already apologized through her actions

This is the most common defense I see for Cait, and it’ll be the lengthiest one too.

So my question is: For what?

Ignoring the fact that verbally apologizing IS an action, how does Cait deciding not to pursue Jinx and allowing Vi to see her only family correlate to her making amends for the physical abuse?At the very least , I can see Cait siding against Ambessa and admitting she fell for propaganda as “apologizing” for her turning to fascism. I guess. But what is Cait atoning for exactly when she helps out Vi? I’ll try to explain what I think it is:

When Cait says Vi has Jinx’s blood, shoves her gun into her stomach, and leaves her in a ditch, that represents her no longer trusting Vi. Cait thinks she’ll choose Jinx over her. So later, when Cait sides with Vi and allows her to see Jinx, it’s shows that she’s willing to trust Vi again and her judgement of character. Which Vi understands. When we think about it this way, Cait hitting Vi isn’t read as “physical abuse” by the narrative because the physical act of violence isn’t the issue the writers are trying to portray. No, the issue is Cait no longer trusting Vi. Physical abuse was just used as a vehicle to convey Cait’s distrust of Vi, who she now sees as a stranger/enemy….for like, an episode or two, then switches up lol.

But my point in saying all of this is, Cait isn’t really “apologizing through her actions” about the physical abuse. In fact, that was never even a consideration. And no, we’re not going to brush it off by saying “well shouldn’t this count for Cait hitting Vi too”. If we’re to take physical abuse seriously, and WE ARE you freaks, this is an offense that Cait needs to address separately. Properly.

Imagine if someone punched you in the face then stole your cookies. They never apologize to you for anything, but over the following days, they buy you cookies, maybe even some milk. Do you think these actions are enough of an “apology” for punching you in the fucking face? If they are then you need some serious help.

Ah, and contrary to the popular belief that Cait doesn’t need to verbally apologize bc she shows her actions through words and yadda yadda yadda, Cait does, in fact, try to apologize in Jinx’s suicide cell. About fucking Maddie. Then she gets cut off. You would think Cait wouldn’t feel the need to apologize about Maddie since “aCtIonS sPeAk LoUdeR tHaN wOrDs” but I guess Cait picks and choose what she feels sorry about.

And I can already hear the counter argument. “It’s not about if I forgive Cait, but if Vi does since she’s the victim. Cait and Vi kiss and make up, and by the season’s end, they’re a couple. Therefore, Vi forgives Cait about everything.”

Putting aside the cycle of abuse, my question is: how does Vi feel about Cait hitting her? And vice versa. Since the fandom loves throwing “media literacy” around so much, let’s put that to the test. While the physical abuse is never brought up, hinted at, thought about, or addressed ever again (much like how the fandom treats it), that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about the implications.

If Vi doesn’t specifically mention the physical abuse, what does that mean for her character? Did Vi think she deserved it, or maybe she was just used to it, maybe she thought it was in the heat of the moment and Cait would never hurt her again (super toxic mindset btw), etc etc.

If Cait never mentions her physically abusing Vi, what does that mean for her character? Does she even care, does she think she was justified, did she think Vi could take it, why is Maddie the first thing she apologizes about and not hitting Vi and leaving her in a dank hole?

Because we could easily be getting into toxic/abusive territory, and when it comes to physical violence, there’s very little wiggle room for a more positive interpretation.

2. These characters aren’t perfect, they’re flawed

So this argument falls back on the “well pobody’s nerfect” defense and to that extent I agree. I think Cait is selfish and callous, but all the other characters who have similar flaws (think Silco, Marco, Ambessa, probably more) end up fucking dying and/or have actual narrative consequences. I’ve seen people argue that Cait losing her eye is a narrative consequence and IT IS for Cait’s alt right phase and choosing to follow Ambessa but it’s NOT for hitting Vi. Neither is Maddie betraying her. An appropriate narrative consequence would’ve been Vi leaving her ass, but I promise you the same people defending Cait would’ve had a thousand think pieces about how the writers sabotaged Cait’s character. Arcane is NOT a show about bad people getting away with bad things either.

3. Well Jayce killed Viktor / Ekko and Jinx tried to kill each other

So this argument acknowledges Cait’s abuse and her lack of apology but tries to deflect by claiming the other couples are violent, if not more. Even though this is a classic whataboutism, I’ll address it. I won’t acknowledge the timebomb side of the argument because it’s incredibly dumb, but for Jayvik, where do we begin? Recall that after Cait and Vi kissed, they were on romantic terms. That’s why Cait even bothers bringing up Maddie, and it’s really more so to let the viewer know Cait will excuse abuse but draws the line at infidelity. During Act 2, Jayce and Viktor are enemies and Viktor will literally kill everyone if he continues on his path. Jayce could have at least talked to Viktor first, but the writers chose to make him deranged or whatever so that was out of the question. And again, they’re enemies. Fighting isn’t off the table, even killing. If Viktor sucker punched Jayce while they were astral projecting together, then that might be analogous to Cait and Vi, but they don’t.

4. Not all relationships are perfect

This is one is similar to point two, but I’m taking a different angle. No, not all relationships are perfect, but I would never call physical abuse a “flaw” that’s to be expected in a normal, healthy relationship. Once you introduce violence, we call that abusive. I didn’t know we were in dire need of an abusive lesbian relationship, but I’ll walk with you.

If Arcane had the balls, CaitVi could’ve been portrayed as the toxic yuri couple it clearly is. They could’ve leaned into Vi being desperate enough to take Cait back and Cait not giving a single fuck about hitting Vi and leaving her. And if they did, this post wouldn’t exist. But they don’t. We’re genuinely supposed to like this slop and view it as a good thing because they kiss and play fun pop music while they fuck instead of the more appropriate “Poison” (by Bell Biv DeVoe ofc).

5. Well Jinx did XYZ to Vi

Another whataboutism. At risk of making this post longer than it already is, I’m gonna be brief. Yes, Jinx did awful things to Vi, but the narrative properly punishes Jinx for all of her actions (I mean the girl literally sacrifices herself) and wastes no time calling her out, especially Vi. Behind Cait, Vi is Jinx’s biggest hater. Literally chokes the girl out on sight. So let’s not pretend there’s some hypocrisy going on here, though it doesn’t escape me that many Cait fans end up being Jinx haters.

With that, I think I’ve covered all the major defenses for Caitvi’s physical abuse. All I can say is that the relationship is fucked and Vi deserves better.

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 18: I Fucking Heard You

You and Joel adjust to life apart. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 17, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 8.3k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

January, 2008 

He was going to actually do it this time. 

Joel was sitting outside your apartment building, drumming against the steering wheel of his truck, desperate to work out some of the anxious energy that kept building and building inside of him. 

But he just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore, he was done trying to pretend like he didn’t love you. He was going to say it. 

Actually say it. 

For real this time. 

He’d ignored it as long as he could manage, shoved it down and tried to kill it by going out with practically every girl in school for even longer. He didn’t want to ruin things between the two of you, he was terrified of that more than he was of just about anything else. You mattered more to him than anyone, he couldn’t lose you, especially not to his own stupidity. But he couldn’t keep how he felt separate from your friendship, either. He loved you so much he felt like he was choking on it, like it had to go somewhere outside of himself or he was going to lose his damn mind with it. 

So he’d finally worked up the courage to tell you. Rip the bandaid off. Maybe it wouldn’t blow up in his face, maybe… maybe you’d tell him you felt the same way. Maybe you’d grab him and kiss him the way he pretended you would when he thought about you when he was alone. Maybe you’d tell him you changed your mind about going across the country, maybe you’d go to college here in Austin and you’d move in together and he’d get to be next to you all the time. 

This, he decided, was the perfect night for it. There was a meteor shower he’d heard about on the news and he talked you into going to the park to watch it. It seemed right, telling you this with the whole galaxy stretched out in front of you. Things were changing tonight. He could feel it. 

He watched as you more fell than climbed out of your window, landing in the bushes and clumsily pulling yourself free of them before dashing to his truck. 

“What are you wearin’ Goldie Girl?” He teased as you got in, the collar of a second sweatshirt visible below your hoodie, the sleeves unusually bulky. 

“What!” You asked, brows raised. “It’s January! It’s cold! And… I couldn’t risk waking up my mom by going to the coat closet for my jacket.” 

Joel snorted. 

“I’m counting on you to keep me warm out there, Miller,” you said, buckling up as Joel started driving, his heart beating out a frantic rhythm against his ribs. “This whole thing was your idea.” 

“I got blankets,” he said. “Not gonna let you freeze.” 

As he drove, the two of you caught up on everything that had happened in the few hours it had been since you’d last seen him - no time at all, really, but it always dragged for Joel. It seemed like he was always just marking time until he got to see you again. He was almost always with you until curfew. Then, awake for an hour, sleep for eight, wake up and then just an hour before he was at your door again, picking you up to take you to school. Then it was three and a half hours until lunch - which you always had with him - then just an hour until your single shared class - newspaper, which he’d joined to make you happy - and then two hours until school was done and he was with you again.

You told Joel about Anna’s issues in school and Joel told you about his mom’s frustrations with his own grades. You rolled your eyes at him but smiled a little as you scolded him and told him you’d help him study, he just had to actually do it and he smiled and nodded along because he knew that. You were always trying to bring out the best in him. You were the only one who could.

“Oh, and, there’s the one really big thing,” you said as Joel parked his truck. 

“I got a big thing, too,” he said. Your eyes lit up at that, always ready to be excited for him. “Yours first.” 

“OK. So, you know Steve?” You asked, brows raised.

“Steve,” Joel frowned, trying to picture someone the both of you knew named Steve. 

“Yeah, Steve,” you said. “You know, Steve…” 

“You can keep saying his name all you want, I still don’t know who you mean,” he laughed. 

“Steve,” you said again, incredulous. “The yearbook editor, Steve.” 

“Oh!” He said, picturing the guy now. “Yeah, OK, Steve. Right. What about him?” 

“Well,” you said sitting up a little straighter. “He asked me out.” 

Joel just stared at you for a moment, blinking in shock. His stomach sank. He had the strange feeling that he was falling from some great height, not unlike what he felt when riding a roller coaster with you except there was no safety harness to keep him from tumbling to the earth. 

“What?” He said eventually. 

“Steve asked me out,” you said, chin up like you were proud. “I actually have a date, I’m not just hanging out with you for a change!” 

“You said yes?” He asked, his mouth dry. 

“Yeah, of course I did! We’re going to go to the movies,” you said, beaming, before you realized that Joel apparently wasn’t reacting the way you expected. You cocked your head, frowning. “Why, should I not have? Is there something wrong with him?” 

“No,” he said quickly. “No, sure he’s fine, I just… didn’t know you liked ‘im is all.” 

“I mean,” you shrugged. “He’s not bad looking and he’s funny and he’s smart and he writes… We have a lot in common. What’s not to like?”

Of course. Of course you’d go for someone more like you, someone who was smart like you and didn’t fucking struggle in school like he did, someone who wrote like you instead of just fucked around with their entire life like he did. Why on Earth would you be interested in him? Why on Earth would you waste your fucking time on someone like him when you were so clearly meant for so much better? Not that Steve was fucking good enough for you. No one was, Joel included. 

“Right,” he said. He thought he might throw up. 

“What?” You said, laughing awkwardly. “Are you OK? You look weird…” 

“Fine,” he said quickly. “Just… You know. Be careful, guys can be assholes.” 

“Yeah, you’d know,” you teased. 

“No, I mean it,” Joel said. “Sure he seems like a decent guy but…” 

“But?” You asked, brows raised. 

“He don’t deserve you,” he said. 

You smiled then, gently, reaching out and putting your hand on his thigh and giving his leg a squeeze. 

“You’re sweet,” you said. “And you’re worried about nothing. It’s high school. It’s a date. It’s not like we’re getting married. Oh, maybe we could all go out together sometime! Once you pick the new flavor of the week, I mean. I’ll actually have someone to go with now.” 

“Yeah,” Joel said, forcing himself to smile. “Yeah, that’d be fun.” 

He gathered up the blankets and set them out in the bed of his truck and he helped pull you into it, settling in just as the meteor shower started overhead. You pressed yourself close to him and he could feel the heat of your breath on his skin and fuck he wished it could have been him you said yes to. 

“Oh, what was your thing?” You asked, looking up at him from where your head was nestled against his chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to derail the conversation…” 

“Oh, uh,” Joel said, scrambling for something - anything - to say. “Tommy… decided to take after his big brother and go out for football next year.” 

“Nice!” You said, looking back at the sky again. “You’re going to put him through his paces before, right? Teach him how to take a hit?” 

Joel scoffed. 

“Course,” he said. “What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t.” 

The two of you watched stars streak across the sky for hours. Joel set an alarm on his phone because he knew you’d sleep through one on yours and you snuggled close to him under the blankets. 

“You were right,” you said, voice sleepy. “This is really cool. Thanks for talking me into it.” 

“Course,” he said, resisting the urge to kiss you. “I’d do anything for you… Love you, Goldie.” 

You smiled against him. 

“Love you, too,” you said. 

He held you close and wondered what it would be like if you meant it the same way he did.  

***

September, 2023

“Aunt Goldie?” 

You looked up from painting Sarah’s toenails to see her watching you, her head cocked and a serious expression on her face, one that was partially obscured by the facial mask you’d applied before you’d started in on her nails during your at home spa day. 

“Niece Sarah?”

“Why are you and my dad still in a fight?” She asked. 

You just blinked for a moment, taking a moment to process her question. It caught you off guard - not that it should have. Things had been very different since her birthday party months earlier and Sarah was a smart kid. It made sense that she would notice. You just hadn’t prepared an answer - something that felt like a massive oversight now that it was in front of you. 

“What makes you think that we’re in a fight?” You said eventually, putting the brush back in the jar of polish before you dripped on the floor. 

“You never come over anymore,” she said. 

“Well, I live back at my own house now,” you said, starting in on her toes again. 

“Duh,” Sarah said and you could practically hear her eyes roll. “But even before you and Ellie lived with us you came over all the time and you don’t anymore. And my dad never comes here with me, he always just drops me off.” 

“We both have a lot going on,” you said, happy you had an excuse to not be looking her in the eye. “It’s not…” 

“I’m not stupid, you know,” she said and you looked up then, her gaze serious as she watched you closely. “I know something happened.” 

You finished her pinky toe and closed the nail polish with a sigh. 

“Sarah…” 

“My dad’s been acting different,” she cut you off, a little heated, and you frowned. 

“Different?” You asked. “Different how?” 

“He’s just…” she sighed. “I think he’s sad. He tries to pretend like he’s not and that everything’s normal but I know him and I can tell. I don’t know what happened but I think it’s stupid that you guys just aren’t talking or whatever right now. I wish you’d just figure it out.” 

You looked at Sarah, at her wide and hopeful eyes, and tried to figure out how to explain this to her.

How did you tell her that you weren’t sure how to move past how her father - the person you loved most in the world - apparently saw you? That you needed space from him because you couldn’t let yourself revolve around him anymore? That it wasn’t good for you to have your life so intertwined with someone who would, inevitably, go on to have a life outside of you?

It had been a strange two months, not seeing and even really speaking to Joel. 

The first day was strange. It was just you and Ellie and your cat in your house that had done nothing beyond collect dust in the months since your niece was born. 

Being there, alone, with Ellie made you nervous and you were sure she could sense it in you somehow, like she knew you were unworthy and letting her down by taking her away from the one fully competent person in her life because you were too selfish and couldn’t move past your own shit. 

To make matters worse, your mind kept going back to Joel and the strange life the two of you had made together in the months you’d lived with him. He’d become built into everything, the rhythm of your life out of sync without him and Sarah there, too. You missed both of them so much it hurt but it was especially painful with Joel. You missed the way the two of you would navigate around each other in the kitchen in the morning, his hand so often finding your hip or the small of your back when he needed to reach around you or move past you. The way you could hold your toothbrush out and he would put the right amount of toothpaste on it before going to bed at the end of the day. The way he would just open your beer for you when he got you one, because - while you didn’t need him to - he knew you didn’t like getting your nails under the pull tab of the can or twisting the cap on the bottles. 

Joel knew you. You’d been married a decade and you weren’t sure your husband had ever known you the way Joel did. He’d certainly never done things like that for you. Joel did. That was part of why that moment after Sarah’s party had caught you so off guard. You’d thought you meant more to him than that, that you were more than one of the women he’d pick up, have fun with for a night or a week or a month and then cast aside.

But then he shoved you against the wall in his kitchen and fucked you with his fingers like all you were to him was something physical, telling you how no one could fuck you like he did, as though that was the only thing that would matter. 

You tried to shove that keen loneliness that came with missing him down by focusing on Ellie and pouring your every thought onto the page. You just kept your niece as close as possible all the time, keeping her strapped to your chest as you sat at your desk to write until it felt like your brain was going numb or got your house cleaned up or made dinner or went for a walk just to get out of your own head for a bit. You hoped that all but smothering her with closeness would keep her from realizing the coldly obvious thing that was your desperation and it was a relief when you took her to the rehab facility to pick up Anna. 

This time, things with Anna and Ellie were smooth. Or as close to smooth as you could get with someone coming out of months of inpatient therapy and an infant. Anna seemed nervous with Ellie at first, hesitating and double checking everything, her eyes going from her daughter’s face to yours like she wanted your approval for how she was doing. 

“This is right?” She asked as she held the bottle while cradling Ellie in the way that Joel had shown you. 

“Yeah,” you smiled gently. “You’ve got it.” 

“Yeah,” Anna said, looking back down at Ellie and smiling a little, too. “I think I do.” 

You pulled back slowly then. 

The first two weeks, you were more hands on, doing at least 50% of the work of caring for Ellie, going with Anna daily to meetings and therapy, writing as much as you could and keeping Joel far from your mind. 

But, after a little while, Anna started to naturally take on more and more. The two of you went from splitting the overnight Ellie care to Anna handling everything. Slowly but surely, she took over everything and, by week five, all you were doing was watching as she cared for her daughter. 

“If you wanted to move back home, I think I’m ready,” she said one afternoon as she fed Ellie while you made some tweaks to the plot of your novel in your story notebook. 

“Are you sure?” You asked, setting your pen down, eyebrows drawn together. 

“Yeah,” she said. “Why, do you think I’m not?” 

“No!” You said quickly. “No, I think you’re doing great. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m abandoning you.” 

“It won’t be like it was before,” she smiled, a twinge of sadness in her expression as she did. “I know her now. I know me now. I’ve got this, I don’t need to hold you back anymore.” 

“You’re not…” you began, but she cut you off. 

“I am,” she said. “You have a life outside of me and her and you put it on hold because I couldn’t get my shit together…” 

“You just needed help…” you interjected, but she ignored you.

“…And I’m so sorry I put that on you,” she continued. “I’ll owe you forever for taking care of my daughter when I couldn’t. But we don’t need your help now, you can go back to your life. It’s OK. I promise.” 

You didn’t have the heart to tell her that, really, you didn’t have a life. Outside of your work, your book and your cat, you had nothing. You needed her more than she needed you. 

You’d tried to start getting a life of your own, getting out of the house and doing things on your own, well before this conversation. The first time you’d left Anna alone with Ellie for a few hours, you’d gone out with Tim, the man you’d met at Sarah’s party. 

It was a fine date. It would have been a great one had it been someone else but all you could think about when you looked at him was Joel forcing you to come on his fingers in his kitchen as he said over and over that no one else could make you feel like he did. 

Things fizzled out quickly when you realized it wasn’t something you could really get over. Since then, you hadn’t bothered with Tinder or trying to reach out to Alyssa or anyone else in town. The only person you’d really texted outside of Sarah and Anna was Gale. 

You hadn’t responded to anything your estranged husband had sent since you’d moved in with Joel but then, one day, he texted you something that made you respond. 

I didn’t want you to find this out on Facebook, that seemed wrong, but I wanted you to know that I became a father. 

You stared at the message, just a few days after Anna had said you could move back home, reading it as you held your sister’s infant daughter in your arms. You thought about ignoring it, shoving the strange, hollow feeling that was taking over the core of you down deep, but then he sent one more message, one you couldn’t just pretend he never sent at all. 

I’m sorry it wasn’t you. 

You held it together until Anna was done in the shower, giving Ellie to her and making up some excuse that you were sure she could tell was bullshit - something about a headache and feeling nauseated - so you could hide in the room that had become yours in the time you’d been at Anna’s. You buried your face in the pillow and screamed until your throat was raw and you were choking on your tears, barely able to breathe. 

It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you, not for anybody. He had been everything to you once but you hadn’t been anything to him, not really. It had never been you. 

This, you thought, you should have been used to by now. You’d always felt like you were on the fringes of your own life, the people at the center of your world putting you on the edges of theirs. Gale, when you’d first gotten together with him, was the first person since Joel who made you feel like you were a priority, like you actually mattered. That feeling had faded with time but that, you’d thought, was just a byproduct of what a whole life with someone meant. Of course he didn’t send you good morning texts with poetry anymore or get you flowers just because or go out of his way to get your favorite tea. You saw each other all the time, why would he?

But you’d been sure that, at least with your husband, you were the priority. Until he’d given you divorce papers, even through the months of distance and cold behavior, you’d thought that you were the priority.

Then you realized, you’d kept thinking that, even after he left, even now. The way the divorce had dragged on, the way he kept texting and calling and trying, some sad, sick part of yourself had latched onto that. That you were the important thing, that you were what mattered. Your marriage may have failed but you took some cold comfort in the fact that you’d at least left your mark on him.

But you hadn’t. You’d stopped sleeping together hardly more than a year ago and your husband already had a baby with another woman. Even in your marriage, you’d been on the fringes.

When you stopped crying enough that you could see clearly, you emailed your attorney.

Give him whatever he wants. I just need this to be done.

You knew what that meant. The last divorce agreement his lawyer had sent yours included shared rights to your own fucking book, him keeping the house without buying you out, him keeping the entirety of the 401k. He was asking for a lot but all you wanted then was to cut the tie as thoroughly as possible. As terrifying as it was to live in a world that made it seem like your marriage had never happened, it was better than this. 

Your lawyer called you to be sure, to try to talk you out of it, but you didn’t care. He could have whatever percentage of book rights he wanted, it's not like you could have created it without him. He could have the house, it’s not like you could ever live in it without him. He could have the entire state of Rhode Island for all you cared as long as you’d never be faced with the sharp reality of your marriage.

You wrote furiously when it was done, the words pouring out of you in a way they hadn’t since you’d written Halcyon. You barely slept or ate for days, canceling classes and writing until there wasn’t anything left inside you to say. You finished the manuscript, 33 chapters of your love and pain sitting in front of you. You stared at it for a moment, the cursor pulsing at the end of the final sentence. 

It was over. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do now, but it was done. 

You were numb when you were on your couch a few days later, staring at the ceiling with nothing but your cat to keep you company, when your phone rang. You answered it without bothering to look at the screen, content to even talk to a telemarketer for a few minutes if it served as enough of a distraction.

“Hello?”

“What the hell is this, baby doll?”

You sat up fast enough that your head spun, pulling your phone away from your face to see Gale’s name on your screen. You put your ear to the phone again.

“What the hell is what?”

“This,” he said and you could hear the shuffle of papers on the other end.

“You realize we’re not on facetime, right?”

“You know what I mean,” he said. “This, the new divorce agreement your lawyer sent mine, what is this?”

You frowned, putting the call on speaker before going to your most recent email with your attorney and skimming the agreement. Your frown deepened.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” You asked. “I thought you’d be happy, I…”

“You think this is what I want?” He cut you off, sounding heated.

“Isn’t it what you asked for?” you asked. “I don’t think I missed anything, you should have everything you wanted, and…”

“What I asked for is outrageous,” he said. You heard him put something down with a little too much force on the other end – probably a mug, knowing him – the sound of the ceramic on wood sharp. “I knew that when I asked for it."

"OK," you said, pinching the bridge of your nose, taking the phone off speaker and holding it against your ear again. “What else do you want? Do you want me to say you won or something? Because…”

“I want you to reconsider,” he said.

You just sat there for a moment, blinking in shock.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he said. “What is this. Why are you giving in to me like this.” 

It still took you a moment to process what he said before you could manage to answer. 

“I’m just trying to give you what you want,” you said, voice thick. 

“You’ve never done that before,” he said. “Hell, even when we were together you never did that, you never just gave into me unless you wanted it, too. Why now.” 

“You…” you sighed. “You’re a father now, you have… there’s someone else in your life now, you have another life now, Gale, and you should live it. I’m holding you back, I don’t want to hold you back, I…” 

“You’ve never held me back,” he said. “I’ve told you that.” 

“Well, clearly I wasn’t right for you in some way or we wouldn’t be where we’re at right now,” you snapped without meaning to. “I’m not the one who wanted to separate, that was you.” 

“Yeah, well, I fucked up,” he said and you had to bite your tongue. “I was… I’ve never been with anyone as long as I was with you…” 

“Yeah, me ether,” you said voice still sharp. “I was with you for more than a third of my life Gale.” 

“I know that,” he said, speaking more gently than you. “I should have known better, I should have understood how things would change and I should have embraced your success instead of letting it hurt me…” 

“My success hurt you?” You asked quietly. 

He sighed heavily. 

“It did,” he said. “You thrived commercially in ways I never could. I envied that, so much that I couldn’t stand being around you.” 

“That’s it?” You asked. “That’s what made you leave me, the fact that I sold more books than you did?” 

“No, of course not,” he said. “But it’s… it’s what started it.” 

You almost laughed to keep yourself from crying because of course it was the one success you’d found that broke your marriage. Why would it be anything else? 

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” you said. 

“I know,” he said. “I was wondering if…” 

“Does Carla know you’re talking to me?” You asked, cutting him off. 

“Does she need to?” He asked. “You’re my wife.” 

“And she’s the mother of your child,” you said. “I’m not going to be the other woman in my own marriage. You need to figure out what you want.” 

“And if I want you?” He asked. 

You sighed. 

“You have a family now,” you said. “Think before you blow it up.” 

But ever since, Gale had been a bigger presence in your life than Joel. He’d started acting like he had in the early days of your relationship, sending you romantic texts and having flowers delivered to your house. 

Part of you knew you should resist it, that this wouldn’t lead anywhere good. There was a reason things had fallen apart once before, you knew they would again. But going back to him would be so easy. He was comfortable, familiar. There was a life the two of you had together that you knew you could fit back into now, if you wanted. It might be complicated - he had a child now - but it was there, right in front of you. 

You just weren’t sure if you wanted it. 

So you started talking with him. Not a lot, not like it had been before, but you were texting daily. He wanted to know about your book, how your classes were going, about your life in Texas. Part of you was waiting for the other foot to drop, for him to decide that he didn’t want you again, but he was consistent and that, at least, was something. 

Meanwhile, your only contact with Joel was in a group chat with Sarah. 

You might have needed space from Joel but you couldn’t just cut things off with Sarah. It wasn’t fair to her, you knew she was attached to you. Plus, she had become like a niece or daughter to you in the year you’d known her. You knew the names of her friends and her favorite songs and the books she liked. You loved her. You’d had to keep in touch. She regularly came over to watch a movie or have dinner and she called you at least three times a week to ask for help with homework and tell you about her life.  

While you kept up with Sarah, you never really directly spoke to Joel. You only texted in the group chat to confirm that it was OK for you to pick up Sarah and what time she needed to be back, or when Joel would drop her off and pick her up at your place. 

But you’d opened up your texts to send him a message directly at least once a day and every time you just stared at the last thing he’d sent you: I’m sorry. It was sent just hours after you’d left his house with Ellie weeks before. 

You weren’t sure what the hell you were supposed to say to him, what you were supposed to do with that apology. Were you supposed to accept it and pretend it had never happened? Were you supposed to actually have him explain to you, on no uncertain terms, how he saw you and what he wanted from your relationship? Could you handle actually hearing him say it if you did? 

You didn’t know. So you left it alone, the message glaring at you, the date stamp going further and further into the past with every passing day. 

And that’s where your relationship with Joel sat, frozen in time, as his daughter watched you closely. 

“You should come over tonight,” Sarah said. You raised your eyebrows and she stared you down. “When you drop me off. Just come inside, say hi, have dinner. It’s think he said he was going to grill.” 

“I’m sure he already has everything planned out for tonight,” you said, returning to the work of painting her last nail and closing the polish. “I don’t think it’s a good idea…” 

“Please?” She said, her eyes wide. She had to know what she was doing, looking at you that way. She was too smart for her own good. “I miss you.” 

You sighed. 

“Alright…” 

“Yes!” She punched the air in victory. 

“But just to say hi,” you said and her face fell a little. “I don’t want to impose.” 

“Psh, family doesn’t impose,” she waved you off. You looked at her, incredulous. “What? That’s what Uncle Tommy says when he wants to stay for dinner.” 

You snorted. 

“Yeah, I bet he does,” you said. “Alright, once your toes dry, we’ll go to the bookstore and get you home.” 

“And you’ll come inside?” 

“And I’ll come inside,” you said, even though the thought made your stomach knot. “Promise.” 

You took her to the bookstore, just wandering through with her and picking out a few new things for her - because you weren’t above buying a kid’s love - and got in line, where you passed a table of best sellers. 

Halcyon was sitting there, out in paperback now, one copy sitting face down so your portrait was visible on the back. Sarah frowned and picked it up, examining it for a moment before her face lit up. 

“Aunt Goldie!” She said, thrusting the book at you. “That’s you! I didn’t know you were famous!” 

You shushed her, someone in line in front of you turning to look at you. 

“OK, well, I’m not famous,” you said, taking the book from her and setting it back where it belonged. “I just wrote a book that people liked, that’s all.” 

“My dad said you wrote a book, I didn’t know it was a famous book,” she said. “Can I read it?” 

“Absolutely not,” you said, nudging her forward as the line moved. 

“Why not?” She pouted. 

“Because, as much as I love you and know how good of a reader you are, I wrote the book for adults,” you said. “You can read it in 10 years. Maybe.” 

“Well, will you tell me what it’s about?” She asked. 

You sighed, not entirely sure how to answer that question. At least, not to Sarah. 

“It’s…” you paused. “It’s about love and figuring out who you are with it and without it.” 

“Oh,” she crinkled her nose a little. 

“What?” You asked, laughing a little. 

“Sounds kinda boring,” she said. “Sorry.” 

You snorted. 

“No, you’re right,” you said. “It probably is boring.” 

You paid for the books, the person in line behind you stopping you on your way out the door to sign a copy of your book they’d just bought, Sarah beaming as she watched, and drove to Joel’s. 

You took a moment to steel yourself as you sat in his driveway. You hadn’t been in Joel’s house since you’d left. Any time you picked up or dropped off Sarah, you just sat in the car and waited for her to come to you or watched her until she was safely inside. You didn’t dare actually go in the house. That, you knew, was a bridge too far.

But you’d overcome bigger obstacles. You could do this, too. 

You pulled yourself together and followed Sarah inside. 

Nothing had changed. The blanket that was made by Joel’s mother was still draped on the end of the couch, his work boots were in a heap near the door, a beach towel from the pool was drying on a chair outside that you could just see through the sliding glass door. In spite of the knot in your stomach, this place felt like home. There was comfort here because the people you loved were here. 

“That you baby girl?” Joel called from down the hall. 

Your heart stuttered.

“It’s just me,” she called back.

You heard the telltale sounds of his footsteps as he made his way to the stairs. 

“For dinner, did you…” he said before he froze, looking up from his phone to find you standing there, in his living room. 

You smiled tightly. 

“Hi Joel.” 

***

You were here. 

In his living room, you were here. You were here and you weren’t ignoring him and maybe he hadn’t fucking ruined everything. You were here and holy fuck you looked good, just in shorts and a tank top and fuck, he wanted to touch you again. 

Instead, he just swallowed that driving want and cleared his throat, standing up a little straighter as he did. 

“Hey, Goldie.” 

You smiled. Not in that usual way you had, one that was quieter and stiller but still there. 

“I told Aunt Goldie that she should come over and stay for dinner,” Sarah said. 

“Oh,” Joel said, looking between you and Sarah. “Well, baby girl, Aunt Goldie’s been real busy lately and…” 

“She already said she could stay for dinner,” Sarah said, almost smirking. “And I know you guys aren’t in a fight because you’ve both said you’re not in a fight and you’d never lie to me about that, right?” 

Joel looked at you, a little desperate, and you just gave him a small shrug. 

“Right,” she finished for him. “So that means she can stay for dinner because there’s no reason she can’t and oh, look! Vanessa is calling me so I’m just going to go into my room until dinner is ready and talk with her and not listen to whatever you two are going to talk about. Bye!” 

She ran upstairs, taking them two steps at a time, leaving you and Joel standing there awkwardly in his living room. 

“Sorry,” he said at the same time you did and you both laughed awkwardly.

“She’s conniving, that one,” you said. 

“Little trickster,” Joel agreed. 

He just watched you for a moment, happy that he could see you - actually see you, not just picture you like he usually did now.  

“I should have called,” you said after you were both quiet for a moment. “I shouldn’t have just… It doesn’t matter that she wanted me to come over like this, I should have called and…” 

“No, it’s fine,” Joel said quickly. “You’re always welcome here, Goldie, you don’t need to call.” 

You smiled, small again, but it was there. 

“Thanks,” you said. “I should have at least brought something, though, I know you weren’t planning on me being here… I can just go, I don’t…” 

“Think we can find enough food in this house to feed three people,” he said, stepping closer, smiling a little. “Stay, if you want. I’d… I’d really like it if you stayed.” 

“OK,” you said and you smiled like you then, small at first but then wide and bright and welcoming. “Then yeah, I’ll stay.” 

Falling into you again was so fast and so easy. You followed him to the kitchen and the two of you made awkward, stilted conversation for a minute or two but, before long, you were perched on the counter while he made burger patties from the ground beef in the fridge as you told him how Ellie was doing and he told you what he’d been up to since you’d left. 

Which, he had to admit, he was embellishing a little because, without you and Ellie, his life had been pretty gray. 

After you left, it took a few days before it felt like he could do anything but take care of Sarah and stare at his phone. He’d texted you an apology, something he immediately regretted. He should have figured out a better way to say it instead of just “I’m sorry” and kept his mouth shut until he did. He kept hoping that you’d reply, that you’d give him a chance to say something better than “I’m sorry.” 

Eventually, he gave up and tried to figure out how to live without you again. It was harder than he’d expected it to be. He’d done it before when you’d gone more than just a few miles down the road and he’d lived through that, this shouldn’t have been any worse. But it was. 

Your lives had become so entangled, so in step, you were missing in everything he did. There were reminders of you everywhere and in everything, so much so that he needed an outlet. 

So, he started playing guitar more.

It hurt at first because, for some masochistic fucking reason, he kept being drawn to songs about heartbreak and loss. But eventually, he got to the point that he wanted to do something besides wallow. It took him some time to figure out what the fuck that meant but, eventually, he settled on the perfect thing: his business plan. 

Part of him wanted to believe that he was doing it only for himself. That this was what he wanted, it was the next step he needed to take to make his life - and the life he was building for his daughter - what he wanted it to be. 

But that wasn’t true, you were in this, too. This was what he needed to do to be worthy of you. Maybe, if he could actually fucking make something of himself, you’d want him the way he wanted you. 

So he’d put together the damn business plan. He put together the business plan and thought up a name and made an appointment at the bank to apply for the loan he’d need to start the company to begin with. He did everything he had to to make something of himself. He did it because he’d been wanting to be something since he’d first held his daughter. He did it because you gave him the courage and the drive to do it. 

He didn’t tell you that part of it but he did tell you about the business stuff and he couldn’t help but be a little proud as he did. 

But it was strange being close to you again like this, in ways that weren’t as intimate as they’d been just a few months before. He couldn’t just touch you as he cooked, trailing his hand up your thigh or his fingers over the delicate skin on the inside of your wrist where he could feel the pulse of you. Even with that odd distance, it felt like you should be close to him all the time, like he shouldn’t need to catch up with you like this because he should just know. He should just be living all of this with you.

“I’m so glad you guys aren’t fighting anymore,” Sarah said cheerfully when she finally emerged from her room for dinner, the three of you gathered around Joel’s table with cheeseburgers standing tall on your plates. 

You looked at Joel, brows raised and nose scrunched and he sighed before looking back at Sarah. 

“We weren’t fighting, baby girl,” he said. 

“Oh, sure,” Sarah nodded sarcastically. 

“He’s right. As much as I would love to just hang out with you and your dad all day, I’m afraid I do have a job,” you said. “And that means I have to be somewhere else at least some of the time.” 

“I’ve just decided that I’m not going to let you guys not talk to each other for my whole life again,” she said. “So say whatever you want, I’m just glad Aunt Goldie is back.” 

She got up and gave you both a squeeze. 

“I’m going to go do homework,” she said. 

“Believe that when I see it,” Joel scoffed. 

“And you guys have fun,” she said, ignoring you both before heading to her room. 

You watched her go, an amused smile on your face until you heard her bedroom door closed. 

“She is too smart for her own good, for the record,” you said. 

“Tell me about it,” Joel laughed. “Fuck if I know where she gets it from, too. Sure as hell ain’t me.” 

“You always underestimate yourself,” you smiled a little, watching him now. Joel shrugged. “Is it weird to say I’m proud of you? For the business stuff I mean?” 

“Nah,” Joel waved you off. “Not weird. Couldn’t have done it without you.” 

“Yes you could,” you said. “But I’m glad I got to be a part of it.” 

“Want to be more of a part of it?” He asked. “Because no one but me has read this business plan and, I’m not gonna lie to you Goldie girl, that’s making me pretty damn nervous.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Yeah,” you said. “I’d be happy to.” 

Joel just watched as you went through the documents, a serious look on your face, and you made some notes on scratch paper as you went, weirdly anxious about what you would say. Because what you thought mattered even more than the damn bank. 

“This is good,” you said when you finished, nodding slowly. “I have some questions but I think this is really good, Joel.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, brows raised. 

You smiled, one of your smiles, the ones he loved so much. 

“Yeah,” you said. “You’re getting that loan, Miller. You’re about to be Joel Miller, proud founder of Miller Brothers Construction and Contracting, how’s it feel?” 

He laughed.

“Pretty damn good,” he said. “But I do want your notes, I really want to do something right for once in my damn life.” 

“Sure,” you laughed. “But I have had a beer and four glasses of iced tea since I’ve been here so I have to pee first. Think you can manage to wait for like… two minutes?” 

“I guess,” Joel groaned. “Cave to your basic human frailties, God you’re so lame.” 

You rolled your eyes at him but ran off to the bathroom and Joel watched you go, his eyes lingering on your ass and he tried to not picture you naked in his bed, remembering the way you looked when you slept naked and kicked the covers off in the night and he could see every inch of your skin beside him. 

Your phone vibrating on the table pulled him out of his own head and he was about to call your name when he frowned, seeing the name on screen. 

Gale was calling you. 

Fucking Gale. 

He watched it ring out, staring it down like it was a threat. 

What the fuck were you doing talking to fucking Gale? You weren’t speaking to the guy when you’d been staying at Joel’s. What was he doing calling you now? 

“Alright,” you said, clapping your hands together once before punching the air as you made your way back to the kitchen. “Let’s do this thing, Miller!” 

“Why is Gale calling you?” He asked. 

Your face fell. 

“What?” You asked quietly. 

“Gale,” he said, feeling himself get madder than he should. “The fucking asshole you’re supposed to be getting away from, Gale. Your ex-husband, Gale.”

“He’s not my ex-husband,” you said, shoving your hands in your back pockets and squaring your jaw. “We’re still married. And it’s not your business who I talk to…” 

“Not your ex-husband?” He asked. “And not my business? It’s not my business, right, great…” 

“Are we doing this again?” You asked, brows raised. “Really? You’re going to be pissed that I’m seeing someone…” 

“You’re fucking seeing him?” He asked, getting to his feet. “You’re getting back together with your ex-husband, the same one who treated you like shit? Jesus Christ, Goldie!” 

“I don’t know what I’m doing!” You snapped. “But I do know that he’s coming here tomorrow so we can talk and he’s going to help me with my book and…” 

“Why!” He cut you off. “Why the fuck are you going back to that… that… fucking asshole? Goldie, you’re so much BETTER than him! You don’t…” 

“He’s my husband, Joel!” You all but yelled. “He’s someone that I promised to be with for the rest of my life and that means something, I can’t just pretend it didn't happen! We’ve been talking and…” 

“And what?” Joel snapped. “What, he start manipulating you again?” 

“Again?” You asked, incredulous. “What do you mean again, you don’t know anything about our relationship, you don’t know what he was like then, what I was like then! You don’t know that part of my life, stop pretending like you do!” 

“And why don’t I know it, hm?” He asked, just pissed off now. “Tell me, why don’t I know that part of your life when I know all the others, why don’t I know that part?” 

“Don’t,” you said, sharp and cold. 

He didn’t listen. 

“Because you left! I don’t know because you left, you left me here like I was nothing, like I didn’t fucking matter to you and yeah, maybe I didn’t but…” 

“No, fuck you,” you spat. “You don’t get to pretend like you’re just some innocent in all this…” 

“Then what am I?” He demanded. “Tell me, I’m fucking dying to know how it’s my fuckin’ fault that you took off across the damn country, changed your damn number, blocked me on goddamn Facebook when I LOVED you…” 

“Don’t,” you said, tears at the edges of your eyes. “Don’t do that, don’t say that kind of shit to me…” 

“Say what?” He asked. “Tell you the truth? Because…” 

“Because I’m not just some girl you fuck and cast aside, Joel!” You got in his face, tears falling now. “So don’t feed me the same lines you feed them because it won’t work and it’s not fair to me or to our friendship and…” 

“What lines!” He asked. “I’m not feeding you any fucking lines, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

“I heard you!” You yelled, breathless, forceful enough that Joel stepped back from you. 

“What?” He whispered. 

“I heard you,” you said. “When you were talking with Ricky, under the bleachers after prom, I heard you. I heard how much you regretted that night, I heard what you thought of me, I fucking heard you, Joel. So don’t act like you didn’t do anything, don’t act like I meant something to you because I know I didn’t. I know what I was, I know I was just some stupid girl you regretted fucking, I heard you. I know what I am to you, deep down, so forgive me if I’m not exactly desperate to talk through this shit with you. I’m sorry the fact that someone out there wants me, actually wants me, is so inconvenient for you!” 

You snatched your phone from the table and stalked toward the door. 

“No,” he said, going after you. “No, Goldie, listen, I…”

“I’m really not interested in hearing more of your bullshit, Joel,” you snapped. “I can’t, I just don’t have it in me to hear you talk about how much you regret me anymore.” 

You paused in the doorway, looking back at him as he scrambled to find a way to say something - anything - that would make you stay. 

“Good luck at the bank,” you said. “I’m sure you’ll get what you’re asking for.” 

You were gone before he had a chance to respond. 

Next Chapter

A/N: I'm so sorry this took a million years. Thank you for being patient as my job put me through the wringer and grad school just beat me over the head repeatedly.

This was a BIG moment for Goldie in particular! She FINALLY said it, the reason why she left and why she thinks he doesn't want her. She reopened the wound and now the ball is in Joel's court. We'll see what he does with it :)

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

[cioud-berries]

Mutual Benefit || Chapter 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello all! This is my first ever time posting a fanfic on tumblr so I apologize if things are not formatted correctly! If you have any questions or thoughts feel free to reach out to me!!

Summery:

Posts season 2: Spoiler warning!! Being forced into an arranged marriage, [Name] tried her hardest with her unreceptive husband Salo. After his death, she was forced to replace his council position, trying to figure out who she was as a person. Sevika never expected to get anywhere close to the council, let alone join them. As the stigma around people from Zaun still stood, she struggled to gain the respect from her new fellow councillors. With so many differences how could the two really help one another?

Category:

Sevika x Female Reader || 18+ themes

Chapter Warnings:

Season 2 Spoilers, Toxic relationship (with salo), Mostly a Salo x reader but that ends after this chapter

Word count: 2,411

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mutual Benefit Master List || Next Chapter ->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arranged marriage. Such a depressing concept. Being sold for the benefit of others. The best outcome, you find love and are content with your life. Worst case scenario: you spend the rest of your life with someone you absolutely despise.

[Name] was sadly subjected to such a fate. After the civil war in her country ended, she was immediately shipped off to an unfamiliar country. Being the only female to survive, it was her ‘duty’. This would allow her country to obtain the resources needed to rebuild. 

She was to marry Councillor member Salo in Piltover. To both her happiness and dismay, he too did not want this kind of arrangement. He was the head of his own clan in Piltover. His many advisors pushed him to agree to this.

Next thing they both knew, they were shoved in a room alone, left to get to know each other in such awkward circumstances. Things were silent between the two for a long time as Salo downed one glass of wine after another. 

Finally, Salo was the first to speak. Asking the random question “Do you like the theatre?” He was only met with a hesitant nod. He chuckled with a small smile. “Things might work out.”

She walked down the aisle to marry the man she had only spoken a few words to. They both made it very clear how unhappy they were in the situation. Thankfully, they weren’t forced to engage with one another after the ceremony, separating from one another immediately.

They spend most of their time together watching performances, whispering back and forth their thoughts. After a few months, their relationship had turned into a friendship of some sort. Respecting one another while acknowledging that neither one of them wanted to be there.

For the most part he was bearable. Taking care of any finances she needed. He bought her a separate apartment, so she could live separately. Invited her to any party that was being held. Allowed her to have her own separate life if she wished. 

She quickly fit into the higher society in Piltover, making friends with his fellow council members, often confiding to them about her current marital status. They didn’t have much to say, not having been in that situation.

He too had his own life. Finding love and physical intimacy outside of their marriage. She could care less. What she did care about is that he wouldn’t allow her the same freedom. “Something like that could ruin my reputation.” He lazily told her. She was beyond furious, yet couldn’t bring herself to defy his demand. 

It didn’t take too long for Salo’s clan advisors to question the lack of heir. She of course agreed to it, but hated every second of it. She knew she was more attracted to women than men, but that moment had completely confirmed that she had no attraction to men. 

He left her right after, not wanting to do anything else. She laid in her bed alone, crying and she hated the feeling of being left alone after having to be so vulnerable. She could only hope that it did the job and they would never have to interact in such a way again.

Thankfully, nine months later, she gave birth to their daughter Sasha. Salo seemed different with Sasha. She thought that Salo wouldn’t be a caring father, but to her surprise, he was for the beginning.

Sasha for the most part lived at [Name]’s apartment. Salo visited often until she was about three years old. [Name] realized their daughter needed to have both parents in one household to be raised properly. 

Salo complained a lot about it, not wanting to live there. But the second he saw his daughter, his demeanor completely changed. In Sasha’s eye’s, they were a happy loving family. But things were so far from that. Salo often spent his nights elsewhere, always being back before breakfast.

There were sometimes happy moments in the home, making [Name] almost believing that this life was a happy one. Listening to music, they would sometimes dance in the living room, their daughter joining in, turning into them both dancing with her. 

Most of the time, they fought, yelling back and forth about meaningless things. This made them realize that the only reason their relationship had worked for the past few years was because they were apart and there was no relationship. 

Salo started coming to the house less and less, preferring the comfort of his theater and other women. He was completely moved out by the time that Sasha was six. [Name] had to start searching him out with their child in her arms, just so she didn’t have to explain why her father didn’t want to be around. 

Her daughter was everything to her. Truthfully, the only good thing in her life. She despised Salo for making Sasha cry for his absence. When he did spend time with his daughter, everything was perfect. But those moments were fleeting. 

At some point, [Name] began praying that something would happen to Salo. Some real excuse for why he couldn’t be around more often. When the explosion racked through Piltover, she ran over to the window, seeing the council room collapsing to the ground. 

She hated to admit that her heart clenched in excitement. The only way she could get out of the marriage was if he died, and she wished that it was true. Dropping Sasha off at a neighbors, she ran as fast as she could to the building in nothing but her nightgown and robes, not even a shoe on her feet.

Arriving at the building, the guards immediately let her through, knowing who she was. Ambess, the mother of councilor Mel, led her to the victims. There were a few bodies covered with a white cloth. 

Walking up to the dead bodies, she prayed to the Gods above to be free. Before she could view any of the dead, she heard her name be called out. She turned to see her husband laying in a cot, reaching out to her as he sobbed.

“My wife.” He called in a cry. “My legs-”

When she approached, he grabbed her by the hips, pulling her close enough to wrap his arms around her upper thighs and cry into them. He grieved over the loss of his mobility. It reminded her of the way her daughter would cry over the loss of her father that wasn’t even dead. The father that was merely down the street that could take an hour out of his day to play with his daughter.

[Name] felt no sympathy and wished the ruble had landed on his head instead. Yet she said nothing, she did nothing, letting him sob into her nightgown. 

He finally moved back into her house. But not because he wanted to, but because he needed to. Being his wife, [Name] had to take care of him. ‘In sickness and in health’ was really testing her patience. 

He was harder to take care of than Sasha, a literal child. Sasha was excited to have her father back, often jumping on him without realizing it hurt him. He would yell at her, pushing her off the wheelchair. Feeling rejected by her father, she would cry. [Name] was stuck with having to come up with a good excuse for his actions to make her feel better. 

He was demanding. He was rude. He was hateful. But worst of all he was ungrateful. The only joy in her days was when Ambessa would come to take him to the council meetings and [Name] finally got to have alone time with her daughter. 

Salo would come back from these meetings talking about war. Thankfully Sasha would already be in bed by this point so she could let her facade down. He wanted to wage a full fledged attack on the people of Zaun. She disagreed with him deeply, knowing the outcomes of the civil war.

“What do you know about war?” He spat at her without thinking.

She dropped the plate she was cleaning from dinner it shattered on impact with the ground. Snapping around at him she gave the most hateful look. He was stunned, never seeing that kind of expression on her before. “Ask my dead sister and brother.” 

Stepping over the glass, she walked past Salo in his wheelchair, heading to her room. He called out to her, demanding she came back and at least helped him into bed. She was beyond thankful that her daughter was such a heavy sleeper and wouldn’t wake up to his pathetic cries. 

After a while he stopped, and when she woke up, he was gone, living back at the theater. She was determined to never see him again. But after too many days off Sasha crying over her missing father, she finally caved. 

Out front of his door, she told Sasha to wait there for a moment before entering into his private suite without knocking. He laid on the couch as a woman painted purple liquid onto his legs. They both jumped, startled at her entrance. 

She didn’t even flinch at the sight. “Get dressed. Your daughter wants to see you.” Her tone was harsh and left no room for defiance from him. The woman swiftly packed her things, which Salo clearly didn’t agree with, grabbing her arm and forcing her to stay. 

“She can come see me later, I’m in the middle of something.” He harshly replied back to his wife.

“No she can’t.” [Name] Said with finality, looking at the woman in hopes that she could convince Salo.

The woman ripped her wrist out of his grasp, hiding her face into her scarf. “I was done anyways.” She told Salo, before walking around the couch. 

Y/N followed her out, going to grab Sasha and give him time to get dressed. She whispered a quiet “Thank you.” To the woman for helping her. The woman only gave a slight nod before walking off. 

Sasha ran to her father, excited to see him. She rambled on about what happened the past few months that he was absent. He barely paid attention to her, replying vaguely while looking at the ceiling.

It didn’t take her long before she got tired from all of her excitement and fell asleep on the couch beside him. [Name] was quick to pick her up and head for the door. Before reaching the exit, Salo called out to her again. 

She hesitated, stopping to listen to what he had to say. Deep down she wished it would be an apology. “I am going to get my legs fixed. Lest told me about a miracle worker in the undercity. I want you to take me.” He told.

“You can find your own way down there.” She mumbled, leaving him alone in his apartment. 

Those were the last words she ever spoke to her husband. He had disappeared without a trace. Sasha was devastated to hear about her missing father. With her new found hope, [Name] comforted her daughter. 

It wasn’t until Jayce came to her, confirming her prayers, admitting that he had murdered Salo. She had always liked Jayce, thinking that he was a bright mind and the personification of Piltover. He was distraught, not knowing how to tell a wife and child that he was the reason that their family was broken.

[Name] had cried, but not out of sadness, out of relief. Hugging him, she told him “Thank you.” He was shocked and didn’t understand why she would be thanking him for everything. Not knowing how to react, he only awkwardly mumbled “Your welcome?”

With the confirmation of Salo’s death, the next course of action was getting out of Piltover as quickly as possible, not wanting to experience another civil war. Boarding an airship with Sasha she went home. 

Leaning off the edge of the airship, she played with her wedding ring. After everything that had happened with Salo, she still kept it on. With a deep, happy sigh, she took the ring off, and with as much power as she could muster, she threw it off the side of the airship watching it fall towards the ocean. 

She smiled brightly. Finally free. [Name] looked down next to her to see Sasha sitting at her feet. She was sad of course, she had lost her father, but [Name] wanted to celebrate. Picking Sasha up, she twirled around, kissing Sasha all over her face. After putting Sasha back down, she cupped Sasha’s face, looking her in the eyes she promised. “Everything will be okay. I love you so much, you are my world, never forget that.”

Sasha nodded in response, smiling for the first time in weeks, hugging her mother.

The two spent time in her home nation for a few months. It was good for Sasha to be with her cousins that were around her age. And it was good for [Name] to be around a caring family. 

She celebrated Salo’s death with her brother and sister in law many nights. They would crack open a bottle of wine and throw insults at him as they slowly emptied the bottle. By the end of the night they’d be screaming at the top of their lungs “Good riddance!”

While she thought she escaped Piltover, she was berated by letter after letter from Salo’s clan. They demanded she return to Piltover with their heir. They often brought up the contract that was created in their marriage pact, saying it was her ‘duty’.

They told her how she needed to be the stand in for Salo until Sasha came of age to take over. She couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just choose some other clan member to be head. Plus, she could never see her daughter becoming the head of a clan she knew nothing about. Salo taught her nothing, nor prepared her for the position.

After about a hundred letters, she caved. The clan didn’t want to lose the position of power they had in the council. Learning about the new government that has been formed, she was pushed to become a council member.

Sasha was devastated to leave her family that she grew so close to in the short amount of time that she was there. All [Name] could do was promise that she was going to build Sasha a better future in the new position. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mutual Benefit Master List || Next Chapter ->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Masterlist

Discord link

[twig-tea]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

tagged by @lurkingshan here and @neuroticbookworm here, thank you both! This really reminds me that I need to do a real pinned post at some point.

If you want to generate your own, you can use this link! I used the link to find the posts but wrote this below because I thought reflecting on the posts would be fun.

My GL rec list (covering everything through to Feb 2024), which I'm very happy about taking first place. If you want GL recs, check that out first, and then feel free to browse my #GL recs tag.

The admittedly shady post from October calling out the director of the Addicted Heroin Thailand adaptation for (a)making weird choices and (b)defending them as artistic. But I stand by my anger about this. Censorship is not an aesthetic!

The non-novel-spoilery reaction post to episodes 1 & 2 of Love In The Big City which was also from October, but which honestly stands up for my reaction to the whole series. What a gift of a show.

A quick pitch for Akaya is in Love with Hiroko from July. This one hurts! I was so ready to cheerlead for this show and did several times, but the penultimate episode made me wary and the finale really upset me, to the point where I didn't end up writing about the finale, so I'll take the chance here: Don't make a show about two self-aware lesbians, one who has been comfortably sexually active for years and one who is super horny for her, and have them get together as adults and yet be celibate for a year out of "respect". Is the message that sex between consenting and enthusiastic adults is not respectful?! GTFO. For the record I can be respected with orgasms, thank you.

The episode celebrating the messaging in the finale of Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo from November. Glad that this is here between the previous entry and the next two, because this is a good balm for the pain. LFtCoT landed the ending and gave us all a giant hug while doing it!

The list of things I was thinking about at the end of Wandee Goodday ep3 from May. Another disappointment for me. The things this post shouts out are still things I like about this show, and reading it again is a reminder of where the back half let the first half down (not taking seriously some of the things we were told to take seriously in the first few episodes).

An early post about Love Is Better the Second Time Around from March. Another show that did not land everything, in this case because it felt like it tried to shove in a complicated conflict in the last two episodes that they didn't have time to handle. But I still love those early episodes and all of the interplay between Miyata, Iwanaga, and Shiraishi.

My clown theory for Every You, Every Me also from October, which ended up being correct! I've never been more happy to be right, I liked this reveal for the show so much.

In February I wrote this thesis about the state of Thai BL looking at data from 2022 and 2023, which I have been meaning to go back and update since I think Shan as usual was feeling the start of the wave and we needed more data to see the change actually play out in 2024. I now no longer feel (as I did in this post) that things haven't changed, I do think they have this year. But I need to crunch the numbers again to prove it to myself (and everyone else) though. Stay tuned!

In July I did a round-up post about the various theories surrounding Century of Love, and whether Vee and Vad were the same person. Turns out San did wrestle with this as I'd hoped but the show itself felt like it lost steam and copped out around this, unfortunately. At least we'll always have fox demon Offroad and grumpy old man Daou's collarbones thanks to this show.

Special shout-out to @lurkingshan because two of the posts above are answers to asks she put in my inbox that spawned project posts. Shan knows what the people want to hear!

Tagging @italianpersonwithashippersheart @benkaben @ellsieee @colourme-feral @pigglepiephi @impala124 no pressure tags and apologies if you've been tagged already!

[iexistforidkwhatreason]

My experience with Lumii/HoneyStarlightz/Lumiidere/Lumii after dark/KiramekiCookie

I have to get this out of my system because I'm deadass tired of watching this person wander around as if they're innocent when they aren't, and I'm also annoyed because of people not noticing what this person does behind the scenes because it now takes one quick Google Search using the prompt "Luca Wii Sports" to go down the rabbit hole. This is about HoneyStarlightz/Lumii.

Lemme begin with the minor stuff. So you know how Lumii has a massive grudge against me because of most of, if not all the stuff I drew in my DeviantArt account? Almost everything there was drawn when I was a FUCKING MINOR. I am 20 years old as we speak, and most of the drawings Lumii mentions happened BEFORE MY 18TH BIRTHDAY on the 1st of December, 2021, and I'll admit, during most of that time, I was a dumbass, immature, and an edgelord. I then stopped posting anything bloody and/or revealing but continued to post harmless drawings before my 18th birthday happened. October 11th of last year was when I stopped posting on that account all together because I found out that DeviantArt was blaming Hamas and Hamas only for the Palestinian deaths and making it as if the Israel military didn't do a thing to innocent lives in Palestine after Hamas attacked.

Next, we have them making me look like an asshole for shipping Luca with Abby (The one shipart I made of the two apparently traumatized them). Back when I was 17, I decided to draw Abby and Luca, two Miis I'm not a fan of, nor close to, as a couple because I thought shipping the two was a good idea. I then posted the finished product on the 23rd of January, 2021. The drawing was not meant to traumatize anyone. It was JUST. SHIP. ART. OF. ABBY. &. LUCA. The only bad thing about that drawing was that I shoved my opinion of the two Miis down people's throats in the description by asking how the hell do people like them because to me, they're just not fun to play against at all, and even then, it was drawn three to four years ago, and I don't even ship the two anymore. I ship Abby with Wii U Barbara now. Mate, I didn't even know Lumii EXISTED back then, let alone know they had a massive love for Luca.

Next, there's the clear as day hipocrisy that people have yet to notice somehow. So you know how Lumii has "Opinion Bashers" on their DNI list, right? On that same list, they also have people that hate, despise, even dislike Luca, instantly making them a hypocrite because they said they don't want to interact with people who just cannot tolerate others having a different opinion while also saying that if you think Luca is not a good Mii, you're instantly on their shit list. Also, they said no exceptions, meaning you can be the nicest person in the world, but if you dislike Luca, go fuck yourself.

I have several friends that like Luca a lot, some of which are here on Tumblr. I do not like Luca. We get along perfectly fine. I don't understand why they feel like Luca haters and Luca lovers can't co-exist when they clearly can. Just don't be an ass to others when it comes to what you think of the character, mate.

Lastly, we have the fact that they cannot take criticism. They said criticism is prohibited on their DeviantArt profile, which means that you can say anything positive about their art, but if you say anything negative, then nope. Get out. Oh, I'm so sorry I gave you a harmless critique that was just saying what I didn't like and how you can improve. I apologize.

Seriously tho, how sensitive can you be to the point where you prohibit people from critiquing your work? Or is it that they can't criticize you? Or is it both?

Now we go to the bigger stuff, starting with the TRANSPHOBIA ACCUSATIONS and obvious delusion. They said, and I quote "please shut the fuck up for calling him "Lucapoopa", "Boring", "Annoying", "Scum" and "Tedious" for the love of fucking god, he's fucking overhated and y'all are too harsh and transphobic at him, fucking hell".

Luca is not canonically trans. Don't even say he is because of unused data because I did my research, and the only unused data he has is facial hair related. Don't get me wrong, Luca being trans is a HC that I'm completely fine with. If you want to headcanon him as trans, fine by me. Trans rights all the way, mate. Don't fucking call people transphobic just for disliking Luca tho! Luca is not canonically trans, and even if he was, bold of Lumii to assume that someone that hates Luca hates him because he's trans. He appears as an opponent in three games and there's a chance that he might piss you off in all three.

How delusional do you have to be to see someone hate a character that isn't trans outside of your HC and go "Oh, they're transphobic"?

Next, there's fullblown insensitivity. I decided to check on DeviantArt for something, and I get a DM from someone. We had a chat about Lumii, and in that chat, they showed this...

Can you spot the insensitive part? Here, I'll make it easier for ya.

I'm completely fine with people giving dark backstories to Miis in their HC, but there's a line, and you crossed it. Can we not do rape related headcanons, please? I feel like that should go without saying because, oh, I dunno, that shit is OBVIOUSLY IN BAD TASTE!

Lastly, there's something I cannot show here because if I do, I'm going to get in trouble... It has to do with porn...

Lumii has a total of three accounts that I bumped into while looking at Luca images on Google that have porn of Miis on them. They have a Newgrounds account (KiramekiCookie), which has two drawings of Luca porn, a Bluesky account (Lumii after dark), which has twelve, and a Twitter/X account with the same name, which not only has porn of Luca, but of other Miis too... AND THERE'S AN UNGODLY AMOUNT OF IT, MOST OF IT BEING LUCA PORN! TELL ME YOU'RE OBSSESSED WITH OUT TELLING ME YOU'RE OBSSESSED!

I make YOU uncomfortable, Lumii? I make YOU uncomfortable?! You drew Luca laying eggs, you drew a worrying amount of Luca porn, and yet you have the AUDACITY to say I make YOU uncomfortable when you're obviously worse, you fucking hypocrite?! You drew art that is bound to make several people uncomfortable the moment they see it on the THREE ACCOUNTS you have, you falsely accuse people of transphobia, you obssess over Luca an unhealthy and uncomfortable amount, and yet I'M the one in the wrong because I drew ship art of Luca and Abby and art that has blood on it years ago?! I don't get your logic!

BTW, for those who say that this could've been resolved privately, it couldn't because Lumii has blocked me on DeviantArt, and they also blocked me on an old Tumblr account of theirs too, meaning that talking to them was out of the fucking question. They CLEARLY did not want to talk it out. They just wanted to avoid me entirely while also antagonize me for shit I did years ago that wasn't even that bad compared to the crap they did.

Lumii, if you manage to see this, which I know you will because I know you have a Discord and I know someone's gonna send a screenshot to you on there... All of this could've been avoided had you just been a better person.

[ghostdiva]

My Prediction for Episode 2 of The Amazing Digital Circus

heads up, this is purely my own theories based on what I know of the trailer, as well as gooseworx's tumblr posts. this can easily be interpreted as a guess to the plot of the second episode, that said, if any of these guesses are correct, then I'm sorry for the spoilers.

let's get into it.

we start the episode with what I assume to be a dream sequence for Pomni. which makes sense considering what happened in episode 1 (aka the pilot). it wouldn't surprise me at all that her run in with the abstracted kaufmo was traumatizing. Watching that abstraction later get thrown into the cellar, and realizing that abstraction is the digital world equivalent to death, is also a pretty rattling experience. so it would make sense that Pomni would have a dream about abstraction as she tries to wrap her head around it.

that said, her dream sequence starts in the main area of the circus tent, where it is presumably the next day and she's with the gang waiting for Caine to show up and drag them all into an adventure of some kind. And either when Caine shows up, or while they're waiting, something happens that is disturbing to Pomni. what that is, is very much unknown. but this reaction doesn't just naturally happen, it's triggered by something.

so she sees something horrific, and in this dream it seems to start to push her to her breaking point, existentially.

Pomni looks down at herself and her horror grows. part of her is abstracted. Pomni feels a bit of fear and confusion not knowing what to do, and scared about going in the cellar. Caine doesn't care about that though, and upon seeing that she's "abstracting", does the same thing he did to kaufmo. opening a hole in the floor and throwing Pomni in the cellar.

Pomni tries to grab for anything, desperate not to join the fully abstracted. she yells "no", almost as if to plea that she wasn't insane. that there was no need to lock her away just yet.

then Pomni wakes up with quite the start.

I think anyone would be disgruntled with a wake up call like that, but nonetheless, Pomni gets up and joins the others at the main stage area.

Pomni waits with Ragatha and Gangle, asking questions she didn't really get to have answered in the last episode.

now, I have no way of knowing what kind of dialogue the characters will be sharing between each other during this episode, so I don't know what is said until the episode airs. all I have are the episode 2 quotes that gooseworx dropped on their page.

so broadly speaking, Caine gathers the rest of the gang, Zooble opts out of the adventure, and Caine shoves everyone else through a portal into the Candy Canyon Kingdom!

Yippee!

now in this episode we have 3 characters (technically 5 but I'm counting gumigoo and his gang to be all 1 entity here). the list is loolilalu, gumigoo (+max and chad), and the fudge monster. Princess Loolilalu, I believe is the sort of quest giver of the adventure. I think loolilalu will send the gang to deal with Gumigoo, and his compatriots, chad and max. who are bandits, and make a bit of a habit of stealing from loolilalu's subjects, even resorting to violence to get what they want.

Princess Loolilalu simply can't let that stand, and sends the circus crew (minus Zooble) out to apprehend them. giving Ragatha a Key in the process.

now a lot of people speculated that it'd be a key to the kingdom or something like that, but that doesn't make sense considering pretty much all the shots outside of the celebration on their arrival take place outside the castle walls. No, I think that the Key is for a truck, specifically the truck the circus crew use to chase Gumigoo and his gang with. -this also makes sense to the degree of "how would Caine know the visual difference between a door key and a car key? they're both just keys to him"-

also quick side note: during the celebration as the circus crew arrive at the candy canyon kingdom, one of the audiece NPC's is seen absolutely booking it at Gangle, and I think that the NPC is going to run into her, breaking her comedy mask.

anyway, the Gang piles into the truck, Gangle driving, Pomni, Kinger and Ragatha in the backseat, and Jax getting shotgun...

... -ahem- anyway, through a series of whacky hijinks, the circus crew and gumigoo's crew end up in an intense car chase, with Pomni somehow getting on top of Gumigoo's van in the process.

However, something happens to the truck the circus crew are in, that makes it have to either slow down or stop. rather that's a tire falling off or something else entirely is still up in the air. this normally wouldn't be too bad of an issue.

but Pomni is still on top of gumigoo's van...

this is where the circus crew splits up a bit, as Pomni is left to Gumigoo and his gang while the circus crew figure out how to get the truck up and running at full speed again.

So Gumigoo and his gang try to get Pomni off their van. However, Pomni is a survivalist at her core, and a resilient one at that. So the gummy gators have a hard time getting Pomni to let go of their car. they have such a hard time about it that they start doing doughnuts in an effort to spin her off the car.

what happens after is pretty up in the air, but I'm pretty sure Pomni ends up getting flung very far after loosing her grip and literally flying off.

Meanwhile, with the rest of the circus crew. Ragatha's upset on Pomni's behalf, at the fact that they left her with the gator gang. Jax brushes it off, which only upsets Ragatha more.

The circus crew pull over and assess the damage to the truck, which could be anything from a flat or missing tire, to complete engine failure. what needs to happen to fix the truck is unknown, but the truck needs fixing regardless.

-a moderate amount of chaos later-

the circus gang has fixed the truck and started back on the road again, however they are all completely lost. and end up accidentally wandering into the fudge monster's domain... oops.

Ragatha probably tries to reason with the fudge monster in order to not get eaten. it'd be a bit fucked up, but maybe the gang offers to feed some gummy gators to the fudge monster in exchange for freedom? idk, it's anyone's guess.

anyway, after the crew is done getting harassed by the fudge monster, they decide it's time to harass the gummy gators, and set out to find them.

seek and ye shall find, and find the circus crew did. not only do they manage to catch up to the gator gang, but they manage to tie up Chad and Max, leaving Gumigoo by himself.

this is also where the sweet sweet Jax angst is, as we see him just picking at the floor while hugging himself a bit. Not behavior you expect to see from the lanky bastard that makes his existence everyone else's problem. it might also be that he's a bit disheartened that Pomni was not with the Gator Gang, who knows.

anyway the gang start searching for Pomni, and uh...

I think they found her? honestly that small dot flying out of the water could be anyone, but Pomni was the only one missing from the group for a prolonged period of time. so it only really makes sense that it'd be her.

last but not least, we have the most confusing clip of the trailer.

now, strap on for this theory. so I think that this happens after gumigoo's companions are captured (chad and max). now, I think gumigoo was coded as an extrovert of sorts, constantly checking back on chad and max to make sure they're there and stuff. and now that they're gone, gumigoo doesn't know what to do. like his code doesn't have anything for when his compatriots aren't around, and the lack of his friends is maddening. because that is a look of existential dread and shock. and while specifically WHAT happened is a mystery, I do have a few theories as to what it could've been.

maybe gumigoo ended up running into a border of the world and that's what that blue grid is. him accidentally peeking beyond a world border to see a grid with lines and lines of code. maybe this event happens to cause gumigoo to gain a level of sentience, coming to the realization that once the gang is done with the adventure, his world will cease to exist. that all he was, is, and will be are just lines of code, moved around by another AI that is above him (caine). maybe gumigoo just experiences the existentials surrounding the mindset of "I am just a blip in the cosmos, a small insignificant spec in the grand scheme of things". which can ultimately lead to depressive lines of thought. Goose did say this episode would be about depression, I wouldn't be surprised if they also threw in something existential for funsies, or just to hit the point home.

and then the gang finishes the adventure and gets a lovely prize!

some MPPED!

[nugatorysheep]

Wip Title Game

Tagged by @novantinuum

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs

I am not tagging 50 million people so @extranuts @flaretheskywing @dragonuva @roseetube post some WIP titles cowards

I have several docs that are just meant to be informative that I'm not listing because there's not much to talk about with them, and a TON of unfinished art that is like pre 2022 that will def not get done ever so its been yeeted into my Untouchables folder and also isn't listed here lmao

For convenience, I've taken out any duplicate files that are the same thing but in a different format

As you can see I have three brands of naming conventions for my files: Objective, Boring Name that just Is What It Is, Song Title and/or Lyric, and Shit Post Cause I Was Tired

Lord help me I have SO many WIPS

(Non-Informational) Writing Wips:

Bad End FOM Fic Beguiler of Wills Burning despair does ache Chapter 9: What does it matter how my heart breaks Drabbles Druidbreak Ficlet FOM WIP Doc Glimpses of life denial WIP IDK what to call this but yeah IEOE stuff idk Intermission XXX: Separate Ways Intermission XXX - Last moments of pure recall Intermission XXX - Look in my eyes she still holds the power Intermission XXX - The way ahead feels lonely Intermission XXX - Loss of want back there Pit AU - Editing Prism R&C Soundtrack Breakdown Six Forty Seven Slug it out Tell Me Something Good

Art Wips (I have a million of these):

[shoves hand in abdomen for the symbolism or some shit].clip ask.psd Axel Sketches.clip baneful bunker.png beat up boys.clip Beyond Bliss Gems Lineup.clip Bliss rose stuff for later.clip break the bank.clip chompers.png Connverse dump.clip Cupid dump.clip Druid x Sven x Sonny.clip Dryad sketches.clip EINF Steven.clip evil boi.clip evil leo doodles.clip Eye contact.clip Fab fly floret.clip failure 01.clip Frame of Mind Sketchbook.clip Fusion Chart.clip gay as fuck to be a test subject. what are you testing, your capacity for homosexual desires.clip (this is one long ass title lol) goober.clip Haven't you noticed I'm a star.clip He can say it cause i said so.clip he yeeteth and yoinknth away.clip HEARTBREAK SPINEL REF.clip homie rolled a nat one on genetics fr.clip HONEY REF.clip i am so fucking hungry bro imma make noodles 1.png (there's 4 it's a comic) I have made a new boy.clip Illustration (2).clip Illustration (3).clip Illustration.clip Illustration2 (2).clip Illustration2.clip Inner Demons.clip it triggered his flight or fight response.clip Karma Sketchbook.clip lazer_eyes-3A4E6.clip Lemme tell you what it's like to be a Zero.clip Loss Dot Jaypeg.png me.clip Mermay HB.clip mermay.clip MINOTUAR MAN.clip mirror_gem_designs.clip ML Stevonnie.clip munchmunch.clip Nova Artfight 2.clip Now that it's raining more than ever.clip old man lizard.clip oops all pain lol.clip open arms.clip Pasture crew.clip rare dizzy art.clip Real.mdp Ref wips.clip Sarkhan's Dragonfire.clip Save a horse ride a cowboy.clip Say that again i dare you.clip Screenshot 2023-09-23 001021.png Senkywenky.clip SFW Sketchbook.clip ShatteredStar.clip Show off those guns.clip Slugman the second coming.clip Snaps and snarls.clip so what's the point of holding tight onto my feet.clip Soap.clip some mtg quote.clip Space faggot.clip spongebob window meme.clip Starnheim_Unleashed.psd STEVEN ON LION.clip SU AU Battle Cuts.clip SUDF page redraw.clip Suneater.clip SUTREK.clip Take A Breath.clip Talking to Myself Redraw 1.clip (there are several of these it's a comic) THE SUN IS GETTING LOW.clip THERE IS NO MANA IN THIS AIR.clip they love each other.clip this was supposed to be shoes idk what happened.png Throwing boys at the wall to see what sticks.clip Tourmaline.clip Tower of boys.clip Trolls bullshit.clip tumblr bait purple rabbit man but the lame version [springtrap did it better].clip uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit idk.clip Union of Love.clip wahho.clip Welcome to the grid user.clip Welcome to the grid user.png Will you be satified.clip wip 02.clip You're MINE.clip zoo doodles.clip ZOOLOGY GEMS REF TWO.clip

[heyitsspiders]

Lucifer x Transmasc! Reader - Falling for the Fallen Angel - Chapter 4

Errands

Charlie asks you to run some errands and things don't go as planned

Graphic violence in this chapter

a/n: moving all of this to tumblr is taking forever considering there are so far 8 chapters

Ever since that day Lucifer came around everyday. He’d always be talking to Charlie about something you just couldn’t make out and when you got too close he’d see you, smile, and hug you. It was adorable but very frustrating. What were they talking about? You knew it was none of your business but that didn’t make you want to know any less. 

However, you never pushed for information. Even if you didn’t know, it did cause Lucifer to come over and you liked seeing him. He got in the habit of joining you while you were cooking and he’d talk with you about whatever he could think of, giving you soft kisses as you worked which always made you very flustered. He’d also help you set the table once the food was done. You had fallen hard and it was nice to know it was mutual. 

Today he and Charlie were talking once more. Lucifer spotted you and did his usual greeting of “Hello!” and hugging you with that big smile of his. He was warm as you hugged him back, breaking away as Charlie nervously walked up to you.

“Hey, Twist, do you think you could run a few errands for me? I’m sorry for asking out of the blue but I have a lot of things I need to do-” She rambled.

You cut her off with a smile, “Of course! What do you need?”

She sighed with relief and handed you a list she had made, along with the money to pay for everything. She thanked you again and you were off. You would have asked Lucifer to join you but he had things to do as well. Oh well, you’d just have to make do alone. 

You walked down the hill the hotel sat on and wandered into the bright, loud city. It was as busy as ever as you slid past people and made your way down to the market. You looked over the list again, Charlie wanted quite a few things that included some vegetables, fruits, and cleaning supplies. Seems you were just helping restock, easy enough. 

You hummed as you walked, shoving your way past the crowds of people and finally entering the shopping district. You looked through the windows to see if any of the places held what you needed and stopped at a decently sized grocery store. You walked in, the bell above the door dinging as you did. You grabbed a basket and walked off to the produce section. You shifted through the vegetables, grabbing the ripest ones in each section and did the same with the fruits. Your basket already felt pretty heavy as you walked across the store to the cleaning supplies. Seems you just needed some paper towels, window cleaner and soap. Your eyes glossed over the shelves, looking for the aforementioned products until the white of the paper towels caught your eyes. You grabbed them and planted it in your basket, changing your search for the other two items.

Once you finished your scavenger hunt across the store you walked up to the registers and checked out. The total seemed impossibly high but you paid with the money that had been given to you and you walked out, the bags weighing heavily in your hands. You set the bags on the ground and checked the list again, double-checking you had grabbed everything. While reading over it you noticed an item you had neglected to get, which were… Children’s books? She listed a few specific titles she wanted, all of them seeming to revolve around loving one another and being kind. Yeah that checks out. 

You picked up your bags and looked around, there had to be a bookstore around here somewhere. You started down the sidewalk, really wishing you had some sort of car as the bags dug into your hands. Look, you had done enough ‘one-trips’ to get you the strength to carry these bags, but after a while the bags became like knives to your hands so you stopped at a nearby bench to let your hands recover. 

You flexed your hands as the deep lines on your palms slowly faded. You sighed. You needed to get out more. You watched the demons pass you, all in a hurry to their own destinations. 

After your hands recovered and you regained your strength, you picked up your bags and continued your search. If there was a bookstore they were doing a damn good job at hiding it. All the streets started to blur together and you had no idea if you were walking onto new streets or the same one. Eventually you saw a store sign with a book decal and you nearly melted into the concrete with joy and relief. Next time you ran errands for Charlie, you’d ask for directions.

You walked over to the store and went inside. It was rather empty, maybe no one else could find it either. You rummaged through the books on the shelves. None of them were the ones you needed. You sighed. Was this not the right place? You groaned as you defeatedly walked back to the door.

“Hey!” A demon from behind a register called. “You better pay for what you took!”

You looked at her, confused. “Ms, I didn’t take anything, I wasn’t able to find what I needed.”

She glared at you, “Uh-huh, that’s what they all say. Now pay up before I call security.” 

“Wh- what? But, I didn’t take anything!” You replied frantically. “You can search me if you want!”

“You wish! As if I’d ever put my hands on you,” She growled.

Was she being serious? You didn’t have time for this. You groaned again and walked over to her and handed her cash. “Here, I don’t know what I took but take this, it should cover anything I ‘took’.”

She grinned as she pocketed the money. She waved a hand at you, “now shoo, I don’t want to see your filthy face here ever again.”

That was fine by you, you didn’t want to be here ever again. You stomped out of the store, your blood boiling. You grumbled to yourself as you continued to walk around the endless city. You were near ready to give up when someone bashed the back of your head with a blunt object. You fell on your hands and knees, the skin on your hands getting scratched off as you landed harshly on the concrete. You spun around on the ground just in time for another blow to hit you, this time in the face. You could feel your nose pour blood and you blindly kicked at the demon. You heard them hiss as you made contact with one of their knees and you scrambled backwards, trying to stand up. The demon, who you now saw looked like a werewolf of some sort, pounced on you, grabbing your hands and pinning them to the ground. A butcher knife materialized in your hand as you thrashed, trying to stab them. Lucifer had taught you that all sinners have their own demonic powers and he had shown you how to use it. Yours just so happened to be cooking related. 

The dog was stronger than you were and your attempts to get your hands free were failing. You kicked at their stomach with both of your feet, which allowed you a moment of freedom. You took this moment to move your weapon into the hellhound’s shoulder, which caused them to recoil and hold their shoulder. You scrambled to your feet and ran. You heard them growl and they ran after you. They were gaining on you quickly and you had no other choice. You flapped your wings, desperately trying to lift yourself in the air. You had never tried to fly, you didn’t think you could but you had to try. Your feet started to lift off the ground and you beat your wings, trying to get away.

Just as it felt like you were getting away a sharp pain shot through your left wing and you came crashing down on the asphalt. He had used your own knife against you, your weapon piercing your wing. Adrenaline fought back the pain as you tried to crawl away. You could hear the dog howling with laughter as he got closer. They crushed your ankle with his foot, stopping you. You cried out for help as the demon chuckled. You flapped your wings desperately, pain shooting through your body.  The hellhound growled and gripped your wounded wing.

“Still trying to get away? Tsk,” their grasp tightened. “Let’s see how well you can fare without one of your precious little wings.”

Your eyes widened in horror as you took in his words, his claws tearing through the membrane of your wing and yanking a good portion of your wing off. You cried out in pain and agony, gripping the concrete. 

They threw the useless chunk of flesh in front of you so you could see it. They barked out a laugh, “pathetic.”

You choked back a sob as they plunged the knife into your side for good measure. You gritted your teeth as you tried to summon another weapon but failed. Your strength was fleeting as you bled out. 

The demon laughed from behind you. “Good luck, bitch!” They called out, walking away.

You waited until you couldn’t hear them anymore before you tried to move. You grasped the concrete with your nails as you used all your strength to move your body along the sidewalk, leaving a trail of blood behind you. You gave up on begging for help, it was clear no one was. The anger and spite that bloomed within you gave you enough strength to grab onto the side of a wall and pull yourself onto your feet. 

You hobbled your way back to the hotel, focusing on just putting one foot in front of the other and fighting to remain conscious. Your vision felt fuzzy, the edges slowly fading to black but you fought it off. You couldn’t collapse in the middle of the city, you’d surely die. You gritted your teeth and continued, fighting back the sobs in your throat as pain rang throughout your bleeding body. Your knife still laid within your side, taking it out would only increase the bleeding so you left it in. It clawed painfully against your insides as you did your best to walk. 

You could see the glowing lights of the hotel in the distance, you were headed the right direction, thankfully. Your vision blurred as you made your way closer to the Hazbin Hotel. Relief coated your pain, you’d be fine soon. You’d be safe soon. You just had to keep walking, one foot in front of the others. You could do it, you’d survive. You would live.

You failed to notice the sidewalk ending and stumbled onto the grass. You groaned. You couldn’t stand back up, you’d have to crawl up hill. Your nails dug into the ground as you shoved your body forward. You cried out for help, hopefully they could hear you now.

“Lucifer! Help! Someone, please! Please help me!” You sobbed, clawing at the grass.

You could faintly hear the doors open and a few voices. You then heard someone sharply gasp. Before you knew it someone landed by your side.

“Twist! Are you alright? What happened?” It was Lucifer. He was looking down at you, his yellow eyes scanning your body in a frantic manner. 

He gently picked you up and six wings sprouted from his back as he flew you into the hotel. You melted into his arms. You had made it. You were safe. Your vision grew darker as more voices spoke up around you. You couldn’t help in your loopy state to feel guilty, Lucifer’s white coat was now stained with your blood. You looked up at him as he carried you into a room, his pupils now slits as he focused. 

You finally gave into the pain and closed your eyes. You were in safe hands. You’d be okay.

[smallgronk]

This Community: A Love Letter <3

When I originally joined Tumblr, it was because reddit was being fucking dumb and I didn't want to support it. I had been a user for almost a decade and it really was frustrating to leave a platform I enjoyed so much. It turns out to have been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I went from a lurker to being active in a wonderful community here on Tumblr. I originally joined because I wanted to see the same memes I got from reddit, and I loved the horny vibe mixed in. It was right when I was beginning to explore myself for the first time in my life, rather than just floating along. When I got here, it took me a bit to find my feet, and holy shit was the effort worth it. I struggled with feeling like I was invading, but so many people took my hand and let me know I was welcome all the same. Whether I knew what I was or not, and because of that I was able to truly immerse myself fully in a vibrant queer community for the first time. I had plenty of interactions with many in the queer community before, but not from the inside like it happened here. I finally was able to figure out something that made me feel comfortable with myself. I realize in hindsight, I had never truly felt at peace. I suspected I might be trans before I came here, but I learned some of what being trans means to me in this place. I was content to leave the story at that! To have been grateful for the small kindnesses afforded to me by those around me. To start to try and help others see the same things I had my eyes opened to, and just move forward. And then this week happened, and it feels like my life is going to have a before and after. In a mere five days I have had so many things occur it takes me paragraphs to even glimpse the surface. Death, fear, bravery, exploration, romance, joy, and hope. I have experienced these things more deeply in a matter of days than I have in the last decades of my life as a guy. I have spent mere weeks as a girl on tumblr, a week in my house as a girl, have yet to try and be a girl in public, and I don't even think I consider myself a woman yet, but my life as a girl has felt like its almost just as long as the life I spent as a man. Its incredible. In the middle of this incredible, horrible, beautiful, and terrifyingly stressful week I didn't know how I was going to make it through each minute let alone get through each day. And then this silly little horny community reached out to me. Everywhere I turned I had people not just offer support when I complained, I had people reach out just to let me know they were there if I needed them. I'm so used to just shoving things down and dealing with it alone that I didn't even know how to accept this much help. Every time I had gotten everything shoved down again I had someone else reassure me that I was allowed to lean on them if I needed. It was incredible. It felt almost coordinated with how many people helped me. And I just don't think it's possible for me to express my love for everyone in this community who has helped me both this week, and in the time leading up to it. Those who have given me tips. Those who have helped me find myself. Those who have made me feel beautiful. Those who have let me lean on them when I needed to cry. Those who just let me know they would worry for me. @xenasaur @justaflatbitch @userwordandpassname @rosieeyes @crocadilly @latenitegirlluv @evergreen-femme @v10l3nt-gl1tch3s @tymera @godincarsnate-blog Thank you. I have already said words to some of you, but there is no chance it accurately gets across how much so many people here have meant for me in the little time I've spent. I have surely missed people here, so please don't think you don't matter if you haven't made the list. It's not just these few people. It's the entire community that gathers together and makes this kind of thing happen. Everyone has played a role in making such a lovely space what it is. Big hugs, much love- Jay

[sukunafuka]

Suka give us a list of ur nastiest kinks and fantasies, vanilla be damned

18+ ONLY NSFW

(ALL OF THESE ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND I JUST LIKE TO READ ABOUT THEM. I DO NOT WANT THEM IRL)

i fear there are too many to list properly but i’ll try🫶🏻 all of my fics are literally just my kinks hidden behind writing lmaoo but there is a lot of stuff i haven’t delved into yet. in spite of potentially leaving some out on accident, i’ll give you a few off the top of my head:

a huge one for me will always be somno (take one look at my fics😔)

dad’s best friend (at least 20 yrs older than you) who knows it’s morally wrong to want his friend’s daughter who’s in her 20s and has to be convinced over YEARS to even touch her makes me DROOL(daddy issues lol) this can be classified as age gap right?

exhibitionism will always make me kick my feet, something about the humiliation and the control aspect of it. (ie: guy shoving his hand into your pants sitting beside you at dinner and keeping a straight face as he rubs at your clit) 🤤 being fucked on a train around a bunch of people who have no idea has always excited me too

i (usually) won’t read a fic that has cheating in it because it just doesn’t rly do it for me but the idea of dating an older man and his son is around your age and he can’t help but wanna fuck you, is so jealous of his dad, talks to his friends about what they think your pussy looks like/ just stupid locker room talk is so hot for what???? (my megumi and toji fic is literally one of my favorite things i’ve written) idk what this is classified as in the kink world- maybe cuckolding??

virgin!!!!! i don’t think it’s overdone at all, you just have to be able to write it creatively and make it stand out from the usual virgin fics (not easy to do). at risk of sounding like a middle aged dude who fucks virgins as sport (toji? lol) i really love the idea of feeling something good for the first time with someone you love and the potential embarrassing moments that can occur during the act. showing a virgin how new things can feel too is so sweet and alluring (choso fic about this has been in my head since i started tumblr lol just haven’t finished that fic) also love the implication that they don’t want to have sexual relations with someone unless they are in love since they’re in their 20s and still a virgin<3 so sweet

i’m a certified monster fucker😔 BIG FAT DICK and SMOLL HUMAN. lol. love the idea of monster looking at his dick and then at you and being like ‘… i don’t think this’ll work’ LOLOL he doesn’t wanna hurt you🥹also love the fact that they’re not conditioned by our stupid society. like your insecurities don’t even matter with him because he’s literally a monster who accepts and loves you without question, not even a thought in his mind, whereas human men have subconscious and conscious standards for women because of media/what they’re told. body hair, tightness, body image, etc.

controversial but i love stepcest, the idea of knowing it has to be a secret and it’s ‘wrong’ but the yearning for one another is so intense that you can’t resist?? like damn they want eachother that badly. the potential funny moments that can be weaved into a fic about this is so entertaining too. being secretive in general and sneaking around has always been hot as well. something about a step brother who you laugh with, who protects you from bullies, who gets annoyed with you, who you hated when you first met but warmed up to, who you hangout in his room even when he says to get out because you’re annoying, who you give dirty looks to the girls he brings around, who you sometimes sleep in his room because you had a nightmare and he begrudgingly lets you but puts pillows between you with annoyance because you ‘kick in your sleep.’ idk, it’s the way you can be yourself with them, and they love you all the same. (i have issues)

professor/student yes pls. (only college student and professor). again, it’s secretive. makes you feel like reader is just special and he can’t resist. the power dynamic 🫦the yearning, the slowburn, the idea of him teaching you something and being happy when you understand it or get a good grade. them being proud of you and patting you on the head platonically but you’re suddenly throbbing in your panties. slowly convincing him that it’s okay and that no one will know. hottt

bully is too good.(hello sukuna!) he’s so mean and even pushes you physically sometimes against walls or to the floor, spills things all over you, humiliates you in front of everyone, calls you names, makes sure you know that he’s in charge. but he never lets anyone else bully you, you’re his and he protects you like you’re his pet. eventually he realizes that he likes you and he’ll never admit it verbally but he starts to do nice things hidden behind mean words. real enemies to lovers. ultimate slow burn. think it can be really intense if done right. so dominant!!

a few more without explanations: slapping during sex, spitting, choking, overstimulation, mask play, predator/prey, hybrid, etc.

[thisapplepielife]

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

I was tagged by both @wynnyfryd and @wormdebut, thank you both! (I only used AO3 fics. That's easier for me to sort through than Tumblr.)

01) Steve is comfortable on his back, laying against the trunk of his car, looking up at the night sky, when he sees a shooting star rush across the vastness of space. - {All Across the Universe}

02) Steve slumps behind his computer monitor at his desk, trying to make himself as small as possible. - {Secret Santa}

03) Eddie rests his forearm over his eyes, attempting to block out the way too bright sun and wipe the sweat away from his forehead at the same time. - {Permanent 99}

04) "No, no, no," Steve says, waving his hand in front of him. - {Steddie Holiday Drabbles}

05) Steve shoves the key into the lock of the Wienerlicious front door, and jiggles it just so, trying to get the damned thing to open. - {King Steve}

06) Steve sits alone at a small table near the fountain in the center of the mall a few miles from his house. - {If You Only Believe}

07) "This is ridiculous!" Eddie screams as loud as he can, from the bottom of the ladder. - {Let the Boy Be Merry}

08) Eddie steps out of the car, right between the Methodist church and the Hawkins High School building. - {Yours For the Weekend}

09) Gareth runs up and shoves Goodie into Jeff, and keeps running. - {Wake Up Time}

10) Diana hates doing the dishes. - {Crawling Back to You}

First, I like long sentences. I almost said run-on, but I usually love a good comma. Or three. I know this about myself. Long sentences, but short paragraphs. ("I want a fic with a short paragraph, and a loooonnnng, long sentence." - CAKE, probably.)

And, lol, I knew I liked to set up my POV right away, so the reader knows whose head they're in, because I appreciate that as a reader, but damn. A name as the first word 8/10 times is hilarious, even to me. I'll try not to be self-conscious about it from now on.

I think it's pretty appropriate that 4 of them start with Steve (Steve is my fav, and my draw into this show), 2 are Eddie, and one each for Gareth & Di. That seems to be a pretty accurate representation of my Stranger Things fic writing splits, haha.

(And for fun, yes, Take the Money and Run and Tuesday's Gone With the Wind both start with names, too: Steve and Eddie, respectively. And I just looked at my two other "medium-ish" unposted fics I'm working on, and yep: Steve and Eddie starters. Again. 🤷)

I also checked, and while I still like to use a name, I see that I'm far more open to starting a drabble with something other than a name than I am a longer piece.

Don't bore us, get to the chorus when I'm strictly limited on words, I guess. 🤣

Tagging anyone else that hasn't done it and wants to do it! ❤️

[rekas-writes]

Hello, can I order headcanons? If so, I would like a yoru x male reader with an agent whose skills are similar to a vampire, remember to eat healthy and take care of yourself!! ♡

A/N: Hello and thank you for your order! It was really fun to write! I promise I am also taking care of myself ^^ And here’s a note for you to do the same too!

Also, my inbox has quite the stack of reqs, but I’m doing my best to get through the list as quickly and as thoroughly as possible! It’s just a little bit overwhelming ^^; It’s also not helping that Tumblr on my pc is eating my reqs ;-; I’m glad my phone has all of them still (at least I hope it does-)

✧☕✧ Thank you for ordering, please do visit again soon~! ✧🍮✧

Strange Cravings and Love Bites

Pair: Yoru/ M! Agent + Radiant! Reader Source: Valorant

Type: Headcanons - 1,222 words Genre: Fluff, Slice of Life, Angsty/Hurt w/ Comfort at the very end Perspective: Second-Person (You/Your)

TW: Mild references to violence, reader getting hurt, reader biting Yoru and getting a little carried away but he's fine! + thought of Yoru dying at the very end

⋆♱✮☽🦇☽✮♰⋆

You remind Yoru a lot of the classical vampire figure, to the point where he kind of associates you with some of the common tropes. More specifically, the weaknesses. You may not be able to tell with his prickly demeanour, but he is a worrier- especially with those he holds dear, doubly so if it concerns his boyfriend. He doesn't want you to get hurt, and ends up projecting that whenever he gets harsh.

Que his surprise when he sees you eating garlic bread or chilling casually under the sun. You had to remind him that you weren’t actually a vampire, and if they really did burn up- Reyna would have to carry an umbrella to every day mission (You heard her laugh behind you right after. You weren’t sure whether to count your days or to consider yourself on her good side)

Though, that being said, the Sun probably does have some kind of influence over you and your abilities. Maybe you have an allergic reaction if you’re under it too long, or it takes longer to channel your abilities, or you could just feel weaker under the harsh light (Maybe even changing personality like a certain FE character)

Somehow, being beside Yoru makes that all feel better, if just a little. Maybe it’s because he’s your 夜 (*Yoru -> night). Your comforting, starlit night in the overwhelming brightness of day. If you ever spill those thoughts to him, he will short-circuit no matter how hard he tries to brush it off. Any flattery unrelated to his prowess in battle is way harder for him to take in and retort, even with his ego. It’s quite easy to tease him and watch his face glow warm with a blush- like the hue of the setting Sun

"Like the night sky, you're like a blessing to me! My very own good luck charm! Thank you, Yoru."

"... You're terrible at flirting. Focus on the mission already, idiot," // Internally: "adsjjskdjdk???SDAJKDAJHKJDK???"

If your eyes are sensitive to the light, there’s a good chance he gave you a pair of sunglasses. They might’ve even been your first gift from him! Having seen you wordlessly struggling with the glaring sunlight, he either leaves a pair in your locker or shoves them in your face while avoiding your eye contact. He will never admit that he was thinking about you, let alone worrying enough to get you something. Don’t ask, he will scoff and say it’s because he doesn’t want you dragging the team behind with your incompetence. Ouch.

You may have keen senses, like Reyna’s ability to hear people’s heartbeats. Your eyes are sharp, and you can smell copper like a shark despite nothing being spilt on the battlefield just yet; or perhaps your sense of smell is more distinct. Maybe certain people smell sweet and alluring or plain and uninteresting, if you have the urge to feed just like a vampire. You may even need to feed, in order to recover your strength. (On base, you totally drink from "juice pouches" Like some kind of morbid capri-sun)

If it’s the latter, Yoru most definitely draws you in the most. There’s just something you can’t put your finger on. If you focused on it, you'd be able to guess where he was with those heightened senses of yours. Mirror Yoru really needs to watch out when you’re on the prowl, that unique draw applies to him too

As a radiant related to creatures of the night, there’s a very good chance you can shapeshift into a bat! Yoru could never admit it but he thinks that form of yours is very cute. He definitely has the urge to just hold you whenever you shift. He thinks you can’t tell, but you can see the way his expression subtly changes to one of awe. No thought, only hold bat boyfriend gently.

Some agents have definitely found you like that, just napping somewhere in the common room with you in your bat form perched on his head. You might even be able to control or summon bats! He put a limit on how many you could summon in his room, though. He's not willing to have his bed be surrounded in bats, unfortunately :(

There’s been times where you've pushed yourself too far, the strain bearing its weight down on you. Like all radiants, you get tired when you use your abilities too much. You’re running on empty when you get hit badly, body too exhausted and hungry to mend itself like usual. Alone with a hand pressed to your biggest wound, you wait- head growing foggier as time seems to all but slow down.

You can’t describe the look on Yoru’s face when he finally finds you. He’s silent, and you can't hear his usual scolding and sharp insults. It's frightening, you realise. More frightening than your possible death. Instead, he's kneeling forward and offering his arm to your mouth. It’s positively dizzying when you breathe in, self-control broken as your body demands for you to accept.

When you finally snap back to focus, you’d never felt dread like that before, lurching backwards as you try and focus on hearing the thud of Yoru’s pulse. Guilt and anxiety are at the forefront of your mind, with apologies spewing forth and shaking hands. He only brings you into a slight hug, one partially induced out of light-headedness, as he mumbles your name and a partial command/plea,

“Take better care of yourself.”

He makes you swear to come to him whenever you need to drink after that. Yoru can't bear the sight of you like that again, slouched, wounded and gasping for breath with dulling eyes, your skin a sickly hue. He was prepared to offer as much as it took to get you back to usual. He probably accidentally confessed here and now, after realising just how much you meant to him.

If immortality is part of your radiant abilities, deep down, you knew this wonderful relationship would one day become a bittersweet memory. You avoided telling him for as long as possible, not wanting to burden him with your knowledge of what will happen. But one day, it’s inevitable as you gaze at the night sky and count the stars like they’re the countdown to the day you would be left behind.

You’re sombre, the terrifying thoughts weighing you down more than usual, and Yoru can tell whatever it is that had been plaguing you for these past few weeks is really piling up. He doesn’t want to have to force it out of you, but it pains him to see you like this. He’ll wait, no matter how long it takes to gather the strength

That day, you break. It’s as he holds your hand gently- as though you’re made of glass. He calls your name, not your code name, not a nickname. His tone is just as gentle, yet firm- steadfast in letting you know he has you as much as you have him,

“You can talk to me.”

You crack and splinter, caving in to his warmth and comfort. You vent the painful pangs in your heart, the dark storm that rages in your head. All that pent up grief and pain floods out into the abyss of night. To the world’s night and your night; the night that lets you cling close and embraces you readily to soften your anguish

[sapphire11]

all the words you didn't mean for me to hear

Part 2 of 'Secret Messages' a Break up era Tarlos fic Read Part 1 Here

Hello Again Everyone! Still posting this fic in 'mini' parts here on tumblr before releasing the whole thing on ao3. (still mostly because I need some encouragement and validation despite not feeling ready to publish it yet there and you all have always been supportive) Think of this as a little gift for being wonderful followers/mutuals 💛

Counting this as my Seven Sentence Sunday (Sneak Peak Sunday in my world) Thanks so much for the tags @ramblingdisaster73 & @ravens-words

Thank you to everyone who reached out with encouragement and kind words on the last part! (let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this fic or my Tarlos fics) @chaotictarlos @firstprince-history-huh @bubblesandroses8

We could lose him.

His own voice echoes in his mind as he shoves open the door to the stairwell. 

We could lose him.

His own voice is too loud in his head. Drowning out all others. Nancy’s reassurances, Captain Vega’s attempts at hopeful optimism. They’re all lost in the terror that grips him by the throat.

We could lose him.

His own voice shaking with fear that he doesn’t want to feel anymore. He needs to feel something else. Anything else. So he collapses on the top step of the stairs and roughly pulls out TK’s phone, headphones coming with it.

We could lose him.

His own voice echoes and he needs to drown it out with another.  

Hey babe … shit. Let me just …. *background noises, buttons being pressed rustling … 

Hey Carlos.

He turns and settles his back against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest, closing his eyes and allowing TK’s voice to block out everything else. 

How are you? I hope you’re doing okay. Nancy let me know that she’s still in touch. I’m glad; even if I think she only told me because she’s trying to get more information out of me about why we … well about what happened.

I hope that you are letting our friends be there for you. They’ve been trying to be there for me. Even as scattered as we all are at work. Paul still texts. Marjan sends me funny memes. Mateo begs for Marvel movie nights every time we have a night off together. It’s not the same, but it’s something. Plus, Doctor Matterson has been telling me to lean into those friendships; to that support. It helps. Sometimes.

On one hand it is worrisome that TK is so freely admitting that he’s struggling in these messages. On the other hand, he is grateful that TK still in some way was turning towards him, trusting him with the truth of his feelings. Of course he wishes that he’s trusted him at the time, but he knows how much it must have cost TK to admit this even in a message. He knows how even saying the words out loud can feel like you are giving them power over you. 

At the same time, he thinks about the way he pushed everyone away during the breakup. He didn’t want them to have to choose, he wanted TK to be able to vent and have people that were safe, away from Carlos, as TK seemed to want to keep them apart. He should have had more faith in his ex, in TK, in person he has always known him to be. Of course he’d want Carlos to have the same support, and of course he wouldn’t tell them anything. 

Other times it honestly just makes me miss you more. But I’m trying and I hope that counts for something.

It counts for everything, because if only in this hollow, cold, hospital stairwell, Carlos can admit that he didn’t try. He just gave up. Let the anger build inside him until there was nothing left to do, but to pretend to forget. To pretend to move on.

Just wanted you to know that I’ll be okay. That you don’t have to worry, because I know you. I want you to be okay too, so take care of yourself Carlos. Let our friends be there for you; it’s the least you deserve.

It’s the least you deserve

Those words burn into his mind, like the flash of light when you look directly at the sun. They’re all he can hear for a long time. 

He knows that TK left this message months ago. That he was alluding to the fact that Carlos doesn’t deserve to deal with what TK would call his ‘fucked up brain and mess’. But listening to this message now, it almost feels prophetic. It is as if TK is telling him that there is no other choice, but to lean on their friends.

If the worst comes to pass and TK doesn’t come back to him, he’ll try to take care of himself, for no other reason than because TK asked him to. Asked him in some stupid message recorded months ago in the middle of a communication drought, but it feels important. Moreover, it feels like the truth. TK asked him to take care of himself and now there might be no other options. 

TK’s wisdom about leaning on their friends propels him back towards the ICU waiting room. He finds Nancy and Tommy in the same chairs he left them, only now Mateo and Judd have joined them. 

“Hey man.” Judd nods, he’s the first one to notice him, and as he shifts off his spot leaning against the wall, Carlos freezes in place. Despite being compelled to come back, and feeling the itch to follow through with TK’s plea of letting their friends be there for him, he feels out of place. It’s been so long since he occupied the same space as all of these people that mean so much to TK, and it’s impossible to ignore the real reason why they’re all here together now. 

Judd watches him carefully, slowly making his way over with the look born of way too much knowledge surrounding grief. Carlos finds himself engulfed in the warmest hug he’s felt in a long while, the older man’s arms wrapped completely around him, shielding him for just a moment. When Judd pulls back and pats a hand on his shoulder, the look of understanding on his face brings tears to Carlos’ eyes. He can’t stand to look at it anymore as he turns towards the rest of the group who are doing their best imitation of not watching the spectacle. 

“Hey Carlos,” Mateo greets him with the least amount of exuberance he’s ever heard from the kid and a soft, careful hug. “We’ve missed you man. Just wish –” he stutters, a shifty glance thrown in the direction of TK’s room. 

“Me too, Mateo,” Carlos offers, “Thanks for coming. I know TK would appreciate it.”

“We’re here for you too.” The fierce insistence in Mateo’s voice is a clear holdover from other times. From months of Carlos’ absence in not just TK’s life, but all of these people’s. For the first time since the break up Carlos allows himself to feel the grief of the loss. The weight of it pulls him down and he sinks into the chair between Nancy and Tommy. Allowing them to take his hands in theirs again, except this time he doesn’t pull away. 

Mateo and Judd excuse themselves sometime soon after that, with mentions of needing to get some rest before starting a new shift early tomorrow. It’s a stark reminder that the world outside the walls of this hospital marches on. He wishes he had the power to slow it down, prevent the inevitable ending that hangs over him.

“Want to go grab some coffee?” Nancy’s voice breaks through his dark thoughts and he meets her gaze before turning towards the room that holds his heart. He knows what he wants to do. 

“I’m gonna go sit with TK.”

He feels Nancy follow his gaze and her hand landing on his shoulder. “I’ll grab you something,” she promises as they both get up and without a second glance he’s striding up to the door to TK’s room. Nothing has changed since the last time Carlos entered this room, the quiet slide of the door opening allows for the sounds inside to reach his ears. His heartbeat kicks up at the too slow, unsteady rhythm of the heart monitor. It brings him back to nights laying tangled up on the couch with TK, fingers and lips finding pulse points. The always higher than average beat of TK’s heart, that Carlos took great pride in making speed up with a well placed kiss. 

As he settles into the chair next to the bed, the hiss and click of the ventilator surrounds him. Wrapping around him like a noose, cutting off his access to the very thing that gives him life. It’s not air though, no that thing is TK, his liveliness, his energy, everything that makes up that man Carlos loves. Desperate to hear something else, besides everything that is wrong, he pulls TK’s phone out of his pocket. 

Opening the app he thinks how it’s better to listen to these now, while there is still hope, rather than later when they’re the words of a ghost. 

November 6th, 2021

Hey Carlos, is it weird if I tell you I saw you on a scene today? Probably. Sorry. You looked good. Really good. I’m glad you seem to be doing okay. 

Startled at the thought that he looked good at any time during the break up, Carlos tries to remember what shift that would have been, but the days blur together in his memory. He’s suddenly sad that he can’t remember the last time he saw TK at a scene before the disastrously awkward meeting earlier that day. 

Doctor Matterson has been encouraging me to reach out, try to talk, but I haven’t told her that I walked out and then ghosted you. I did tell her that I definitely don’t have the right to come waltzing back in, now that I finally have some shit figured out.

She says that having the conversation might do us both some good. Help us move on. Find closure. I think that it’s just easier to keep the door as firmly shut as that day I walked out. Am I a coward for that, probably, but at least I’ll survive to tell the tale. 

Move on. Find Closure. Survive to tell the tale. 

He wonders why TK’s words always land like an arrow to his heart. He wonders if he’ll ever be able to move on after this. Find the closure that TK alludes to in his message. He wonders if TK felt like he was finding closure all those months ago, or if he was just pretending like Carlos was. 

The anguish he feels hearing TK tell him that he thinks it would be better to keep the door shut. That TK forgot he held the key to every door Carlos ever had, all he had to do was come back, be there, talk, and Carlos wouldn’t have kept him out. 

Mind whirling, the sounds of the medical equipment grow louder again and Carlos clicks the next message.

November 8th, 2021

“Hey. So I’ve been keeping busy.  

TK’s voice floats over him as he stares unseeing at the body lying in the bed, unconsciously he closes his eyes, imagining the voice is coming from the man himself. 

Work has been good. Steady.

Scaled down to therapy twice a week. Meetings. I’ve been trying. 

Some days I think it’s working, but then I remember how good we had it before and how that blew up in my face. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m okay. That I’m not giving up. 

It’s such a short message, but the tone of the message is different from all the previous ones. The tone of TK’s voice pitched up, an attempt at lightheartedness. It’s not quite sincere, but there is a flicker of truth underneath it, like TK maybe had started to believe some part of what he was saying, that he wasn’t giving up. 

Carlos longs to reach out and take TK’s hand now, to beg him to keep fighting, to not give up. Old insecurities hold him back, but he moves the chair a bit closer, the legs scratching loudly across the floor, and then he leans closer still as he hits play for the next message.

November 10th, 2021

Dad left. Said he was sorry he couldn’t do more for the 126 and just ran away into hill country. I want to be so mad at him, until I remember that running is exactly what I do, did, have done. I don’t know. Some days it sucks to be a Strand.

And just like that all traces of hope are washed away again. Sucked out by the force of Owen Strand’s distinct lack of ability to be what TK needs when Owen himself is struggling to not be the hero everyone else sees him as. Anger stirs in the pit of Carlos’ stomach at the reminder that no one has been able to reach Owen since TK was admitted. That he’s not here now when TK needs him, and that he apparently hasn’t been for a long time. 

It’s a kick in the gut that despite TK’s own words several messages ago that Owen could tell he wasn’t doing well, the man still couldn’t face being just what TK needs if he couldn’t be what he wanted. 

Mom’s been trying to get me to go visit her. She’s got Jonah and can’t travel, otherwise I know she’d be here right now. She’s worried. She’s also pissed, I heard her yelling at dad through the phone. It didn’t change anything though. 

Nothing really ever changes, does it? At least not the things that matter.

The words are a clear contradiction to who TK is at his core. TK has never believed in permanence of situations/people/feelings, sometimes to the detriment of believing that nothing good ever stays, but he always believed that things could change. 

Once, TK had told him that ‘nothing ever stays the same’ and now he’s saying that ‘nothing ever changes’. He supposes the sentiments aren’t necessarily the same, but the lack of hopefulness in the words blankets him. Even at his most wary, even when he was pushing and pulling Carlos in every direction, TK never completely disregarded the possibility of things changing. 

In the beginning TK had told him he wasn’t ready. Not that he wouldn’t ever be ready.

Before the solar storm TK told him that he needed to figure out himself before he could figure them out. Not that he would never be willing to figure them out.

With Carlos’ parents, TK promised to be whatever he needed, until he was ready because, nothing ever stays the same and he had faith in Carlos being ready sometime. 

After the fire the number of times TK comforted him by reminding him that living with Owen wouldn’t be a forever thing, that things change. 

During their last fight TK had shouted that he knew it wouldn’t last, that nothing ever stays the same. At the time it had just hurt to hear those words that Carlos once took reassurance from used against him. Now he is hit with the realization that TK hasn’t had anything permanent. He hasn’t had anything stay for him, not his parents, not his sobriety, not his love.

Carlos wants to be the one to change that. Same as he always has, but now with a new understanding of why TK doesn’t believe happiness will last. 

With that thought he clicks play on the next message.  

[okthatsgreat]

HEY @shsl-roomba I WROTE OUT A WHOLE REPLY TO YOUR QUESTION AND THEN TUMBLR DECIDED NOT TO PROCESS IT LMAO! and then when i tried again it deleted the entire ask so </3 Um!

im gonna copy and paste here THE ORIGINAL ASK WAS ALONG THE LINES OF "how would your ocs react during the tragedy (if they weren't remnants?)"

you guys are being so nice asking these questions btw this shit is like cocomelon 2 me

YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright SO!!!!!! this list is going to be decided based on how likely they are to survive in an apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic scenario IGNORING the possibility of them becoming remnants................ i reckon despair still definitely has a say in all of this just because of the nature of this catastrophe but i will try avoid them becoming "remnant-like"/evil if that makes sense !!!!!! ALSO this is ignoring the possibility of them getting like. nuked or smth

FROM MOST TO LEAST LIKELY TO SURVIVE!!!

• sae: knows how to survive off of very little, lives in a (mostly-- her afi is still alive and kicking probably!!!!!!) secluded fishing shack off of the coast of iceland where the nearest town is like a forty minute drive. she is (as her ultimate would suggest lol) an extremely skilled fisherman and sailor, so should it REALLY come down to it she could man a solo ship into the ocean for a few weeks and be totally fine. not only that but she is remarkably well adjusted to this life already and will have little difficulty adjusting should a catastrophic event hit the majority of the population. sae is fine with seclusion, very physically strong in the rare chance somebody does attack her in person, knows how to live off of the ocean, and lives far away from heavily populated areas. honestly disregarding the loneliness that will definitely start creeping in on her and having to deal with people dying all across the world she will be so fine gfjhkdghksfhfdgdfjk. she would be more than happy to keep her and her afi safe, and maybe the occasional wandering survivor should they approach with good intentions

• naomi: sae is the outlier in that i know for a fact she would be extremely likely to survive, but EVERYBODY ELSE on this list has a much higher percentage of getting themselves killed LMFAO. that being said, naomi has been a bit of a survivalist for most of her life and is definitely scrappy enough to make her way around. now when i say "survivalist" i don't mean she's like. a hunter or knows much about outdoor living, which is definitely a disadvantage for her, but she's survived periods of time with limited/no food or shelter. obviously this wasnt an apocalyptic scenario but she could definitely apply some of her knowledge she's gained from that time!!! it would be hard to catch her, so if she were to get herself killed it would probably be because she seriously fucked up somewhere along the line or she died of hunger/freezing. AND ALSO IMPORTANTLY naomi is not the most headstrong character and despair is certainly just as much of a threat to her as other people are. paranoia could be helpful in some cases in keeping her safe but it will really end up damaging her in the end, not to mention other people if they ever manage to run into her. likely wouldn't hang out in a group (but honestly i could see it in an au that is nicer to her lol. a group of like four or five that takes her in and tells her to chill the hell out)

• erin: NOW I KNOW SHE SEEMS REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS LIST so let me start off by saying a few things. number one the jump in survival rate has SERIOUSLY plummeted from naomi to erin, like they are NOT in the same realm of conceivably surviving LMFAOO. number two while in any normal apocalyptic scenario erin would suffer, i can really really clearly see one scenario where she ends up being ok. like in a normal scenario she would really have to toughen up and drop the pippy act immediately (which, if push came to shove, she could), and while she isn't extremely strong or knowledgable about survival she is very ruthless. despair would hit her like a TRUCK at first, mostly because her entire life was dedicated to that kids show of hers that is now gone forever along with most of its audience, but once she gets over that (IF she does) she would absolutely grow a backbone and help out. does that mean she survives??? not necessarily. but in the event she does end up getting over the despair she would likely join a group of some kind and help out in any way that she can. ALSO. I KNOW THIS IS KINDA CHEATING SINCE TECHNICALLY THE EVENTS OF ULTRA DESPAIR GIRLS IS "AFTER" THE TRAGEDY. but if we are considering those events then erins survival rate just shot wayyyy up because i can really see the kids of towa city taking a liking to her due to her children's show and just kidnapping her as a second servant LMFAOOOO. some kinda jester even. and ohhhh my god she would get so fed up with nagito. she survived a whole tragedy and reshaped her entire personality only for THIS asshole to give her grief good fucking lord

• ryobe: ryobe is a lot more cunning than he first seems, and while he knows nothing about survival or fighting (should it come down to it which it likely will), he could reasonably work his way up in a group of survivors. while his refusal to relent his goofy personality in such an upsetting situation would definitely earn him quite a few enemies, it probably DOES help him to get through a lot of the trauma in general. unfortunately it is also very likely his downfall as well. he doesnt have this "whole world gets ripped out from under him" moment like erin does and when he finally does realise he needs to get a bit of a grip it is wayyyyy too late. he would really piss off a lot of important people and in an apocalyptic scenario where everybody is extremely paranoid you need to be able to resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner. and the second he gets kicked out of a group (if he even MADE IT to one in the first place) its OVER. he can not survive on his own, both mentally and physically

• mika: she's got more of a grip on reality than ryobe does but she doesn't have any particular skills that will cause her to excel in this scenario. can't fight, not particularly charismatic, not particularly cunning. it really all comes down to luck and she famously does not have a great track record with this

• yoshito: a huge softie with, unfortunately, zero relevant skills. he either goes mad or dies before he gets the chance to. i cant see a scenario where he ever fights back like a few of his classmates with similar strength would, he isn't very fast, and he is not equipped to handle loneliness. the only thing i could possibly think of that he could use is his knowledge of certain shelters and food banks, but ALL of them are likely to get targeted in an apocalypse like this so he's pretty shit out of luck in general lol. he'd stay hopeful for as long as he possibly can, but i can't really see him making it super far. best case scenario he becomes a future foundation member

• rie: nothing in her life had prepared her for this and i really don't think she would make it. while she would probably have a "whole world gets ripped from under her" moment like erin did she would not adapt quickly and even if she did push through she is not nearly as ruthless or determined to survive. physically weak, probably losing her mind a bit and letting that charismatic side of her slip, and has no clue how to find food or shelter. not to mention the lifestyle adjustment would also be extremely jarring for her as well, even if she is probably more adjusted to living on very little than most would expect of her. overall just cant really see it, in a beautiful world where everything goes right for her she might be able to pull herself out of trouble by the skin of her teeth

• billie: girl whose whole purpose is to be mid then die. family guy death pose................... TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and of course. andi computer

THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! <333333

[syn4k]

Established Ideas For Writing Projects That Will Probably Also Be Quite Large And Time Consuming That Ive Been Idly Rotating for Months While Working On Ashes

That one play that the theatre kids in the Emhec Café universe are working on (untitled)

Formatted as a script for a play; will need to do additional research on how plays are created and formatted

Because I'm me, will also include some metadata (i.e annotations, scribble marks as allowed by ao3 formatting, might have to make a whole work skin for it dear lord i hope it doesn't come to that) from the three authors (Ren, Sausage, and also Wilbur Soot because he's here too)

Play is about a werewolf knight who receives an order from the king to hunt down and kill a werewolf that has been spotted in a nearby forest, which also happens to be the werewolf.

Sausage and Ren are writing the play as a comedy/drama with a healthy bit of gay subtext interjected because why on earth would they not; Wilbur is using it as an outlet to vent about his recent divorce and mostly just adds dramatic angsty monologues that are NOT in line with the tone of the rest of the play at all but the other two let him keep helping because 1. it's funny and 2. nobody knows how or where wilbur lives and they're worried that if he doesnt come to these meetings anymore rhen he might just straight up die.

none of my ideas for this are actually written down anywhere, all of them were brainstormed on a call with a friend like five months ago

immensely ambitious project but would also be fun as hell to write

The Odyssey but make it a modern day roadtrip AU- working title atm is "Took a Wrong Turn at a 7-11 (The Modyssey)"

(original idea by @ wolfythewitch here on Tumblr)

yes, i am going to attempt to interpret a millennia old classic work that has become a part of western literary canon. no, i have not actually read the odyssey before.

everyone has the same name and im like 90% sure that nobody dies. dunno how anything will work again i havent read the odyssey

instead of the argo being a ship, it is a camper van.

i literally have no idea how this is going to work but trust me okay i will do it eventually and it will be glorious and it will be posted to ao3.

Writing Projects That I Need To Actually Complete Before Starting Anything Else Mentioned Above

Echoes in the Halls of the Deeps

YOU HAVE ABANDONED IT FOR LITERAL FUCKING MONTHS GET BACK TO THIS PROJECT IT IS TFC CENTRIC YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING

Arsenic Tea (or Death and her Angel)

this one's been shoved way down the priority list i'll get to it someday but i started it for nanowrimo 2022 and burnt out so bad that i had to just scrap it and do something else to get a grade because i did it for a grade. it's a great concept! i was just in the trenches at the time