#thestudenttiger

[thestudenttiger-blog]

My backbends are not deep.  I learned to not judge where I am in the pose but that I am brave enough to allow myself into this deep practice.  My teacher asked me...

“What part of your healing are you ready to begin?”

I think this was a part of that.  Backbends can be a very emotional thing.  I held bridge pose for a few minutes in class for the first time and afterward got the back of my neck from my C7 up to my occipital bone all the way up my forehead and temples massaged and something happened....

This huge release of tears came out, I was shaking and felt like I couldn't breath.  It needed to be released.  Backbends intimidate me for reasons like this, but I can’t be afraid.

[thestudenttiger-blog]

So you’re lonely? Good.  Be lonely.  It’s not the end of the fucking world.  Life will continue.  Love will continue. Things will be OK.  You have to take one step at a time because it is physically impossible to do anything other than just that.  Sometimes you need to wake up and tell yourself you fucking got this.  Depression and anxiety might be something you are still trying to understand.  But that is how you can connect with people.  Other people who feel alone in life.  Other people trying to understand why this happens so often and where it comes from and how deeply rooted is this seed of sadness? The real question is… Are you willing to pull the weeds to allow flowers to bloom? Are you will to dig until your nails are stained with dirt of the pain? Are you willing to face your questions in the face?

[thestudenttiger-blog]

Sometimes, life feels like a chore.  I get into these depressions and I am not entirely sure from what.

I think about all that is happening in the world...all the pain and loss in the families from recent shootings, bombings and attacks etc.  My heart is heavy for them all...but that is not enough.  Bringing people together as a human race is probably the hardest task.  No one wants to sit in this pain.  No one wants to be alone and face the dark or scary things.  No one wants to lend a hand to a stranger.  We’ve become to numb and hard to feeling,  to having simple compassion for one another.

My heart is breaking.

[thestudenttiger-blog]

Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.

[thestudenttiger-blog]

It’s so hard to be sick because I just want to wake up and do my practice but my body is yelling, “stop, just rest.”

>:( 

I guess the practice right now is to not practice the physical aspect.

[thestudenttiger-blog]

Sometimes I have to remind myself that strength isn’t only the physical aspect.  It’s not just the muscles growing, or being able to hold myself in a posture longer.  Sometimes it’s getting out of bed and bringing myself to the tree in the garden to pray.  Sometimes, it’s opening my heart and not letting and argument bother your energy.  Sometimes, it’s slowly cooking when you’re exhausted and want to eat but still thinking about what the food is doing for you and saying thanks before eating it.  Love your body.  Do your practice.  All and light is coming.

[thestudenttiger-blog]

I woke up still upset about how I felt the night before.  I was having intrusive thoughts and I was feeling lousy about them.  I fell back asleep in the morning and continued to even dream about it.  I woke up and grabbed the necklace around my neck and I prayed...guide me through this illusion of feelings...this jealousy, this stubbornness, this is not what makes up who I am, this is blinding me from the truth...

[thestudenttiger-blog]

“Never lose faith in yourself, you can do anything in this Universe.  Never weaken, all power is yours.” -Swami

[thestudenttiger-blog]

[thestudenttiger-blog]

Waking up // Camel Pose

[thestudenttiger-blog]

A good friend of mine from China cooked breakfast for me one morning and it was scrambled eggs, rice and sugar.  It’s been one of my favorite breakfasts since!  I can’t always enjoy sweet rice early in the morning, so today I made two eggs over medium and plain rice.  Grateful ^~^

[thestudenttiger-blog]

[thestudenttiger-blog]

“Letting Go Is The Hardest Asana.”

I began a full yoga practice when I was 18.  (I am now 22). To put it simply, I understood the power we have in our hearts, in our minds and our bodies to feel all of the things life has to offer.   I felt the creation of a compassionate state of mind, starting with loving myself.  I've fallen down a few times, allowing my depression or anxiety to pull me back under.  Most times, I would sit with it.  I’d cry on my mat.  I’d want to scream.  I did scream!  I ran.  I pushed my mental state through my physical body and breath.  And yet, I still have so much to learn and understand--this is not a deadline project.  This is a way of life.

I recently gathered all the money I had to my name and moved down south to take a yoga teacher training with a teacher who I've never met and a yoga studio I’ve never been too.  I called many studios, inquiring about a teacher training.  I remembered I used to journal about it.  “I should just go, deepen my practice, fuck this safe zone.”  I was surrounded by friends and family who loved me, right before I moved I even met the man of my dreams....but I trusted my path.  I trusted my gut when I received that phone call from my (now) teacher.  I trusted that if I let go of what I am afraid of, I will be revealed to the truths of love, light and strength. 

Until I came to this studio to dedicate a 200 hour practice, I didn’t truly connect with the power of Faith.  Faith in yourself.  Faith in your practice.  Faith in God.  Trust yourself in the dark moments and the moments you scream and cry. Trust yourself in the moments you laugh and smile.  It is only when a dark card is dealt we reveal who we truly are.  Only we can filter the darkness out of our hearts and project light.