#these stories aren't being told in ways that are compassionate and like... good

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 7

Chapter 6 His Side Story

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

I'm carried by the Living God, briskly transported to the depths of the temple.

With my body under the influence of the aphrodisiac, I can't move carelessly, and all my effort goes into not being conscious of the warmth of his touch.

(At this point, I don't care if it's for a fee or whatever. If there's a way to break free from this situation—)

Azel: Now, pray sincerely to the God.

Azel: Simply clasping your hands and praying is not enough. You must convey your sincerity to the God.

Azel: Fortunately, the God loves fine cuisine. By offering a special dish that will make him smack his lips…

Azel: The God will hear your prayer and dispel the affliction that plagues you.

Azel: See? It's easy, isn't it?

Emma: Yes, it is. I'd like to try it right away.

Emma: —Did you think I'd fall for that!? This is no different from usual!

Azel: Do you usually offer prayers? You didn't seem like the type.

Azel shrugs theatrically as he sets me down on the kitchen floor.

The compassionate smile that existed just seconds ago shatters, and the greedy, evil God descends once again.

Azel: And also, don't come near me.

Emma: I wouldn't come near you even if you asked me to.

Azel: That's good to hear. Well then, do your best with your prayers.

Azel: Oh, and I'll add the information fee from just now to your bill.

Emma: It's profiteering to charge me for just that information!

Azel: You're calling it profiteering without even trying it?

Emma: You're just using the aphrodisiac as an excuse to exploit me as usual, aren't you?

Azel: That's right, but?

(He's refreshingly honest!)

Azel: In reality, the aphrodisiac will naturally leave your system with time.

Azel: All you can do is sleep or distract yourself. Those are your two options.

Emma: Then I'll sleep.

Azel: Rejected.

Emma: Why!?

Azel: I'll get hungry, won't I? You might as well use your time effectively.

Emma: ......

Azel: And also…

Azel's gaze shifts slightly, and as if on cue, the door opens.

Appearing in the kitchen is Kamal, who, as always, possesses an eye-catching beauty.

Azel: Thank you for your hard work.

Kamal places the hemp sack she was carrying on the counter.

When our eyes meet, she gives me a bewitching smile, and despite being the same gender, I almost feel my heart skip a beat.

Emma: What's this?

Azel: A change of clothes. You don't want to stay in that outfit forever, do you?

Azel: After all, that outfit is an indecent one that women in the harem wear only to attract the king's attention.

(What? No one told me that!?)

Azel: Oh my, that reaction… You didn't know? Poor you.

Emma: I was told it was a fashionable outfit in Tanzanite…

Azel: That's not wrong. It's a fashionable outfit in the "harem" of Tanzanite.

(...Shoot, I was tricked…)

I thought it was just a revealing outfit, but I didn't find it odd because I'd seen women in the castle wearing similar clothes from time to time.

The maids' intentions are clear, and I clutch my head.

(There are traps everywhere.)

(...I'm starting to feel like I can't trust anything.)

Of course, the perfume and the harem outfit might have been prepared out of goodwill.

However, there's nothing in it for me to be happy about.

Azel: Kamal, thank you for listening to my sudden request.

Kamal conveys something to Azel with a hand gesture as Azel smiles.

Azel: I understand what you want to say, but let's talk about that later.

(Come to think of it, when did he have Kamal prepare the change of clothes?)

(Azel has been with me ever since we arrived at the temple.)

(He shouldn't have had time to talk to Kamal.)

While pondering this, I peek into the hemp sack.

The dress Kamal prepared for me is so beautiful that I can't help but gasp in admiration.

The dress, made of a fabric that looks like it's woven with stardust unique to Tanzanite, has a peculiar shape when you look closely. Even when spread out, I can't tell where to put my arms through.

Emma: Living God, may I ask a silly question…?

Azel: Ah, you don't know how to put it on?

Emma: …It seems so.

Azel: You just have to wrap it around yourself.

(If Kamal wasn't here, I would have been made fun of.)

Azel approaches, takes the dress from me, and puts it over my head with a gesture devoid of any tenderness.

Perhaps he was trying to wrap the hanging cloth around my waist, but his hand touches my body for a moment—

Emma: Ah…

(...!)

My sweet voice melts into the silent space filled with nothing but the rustling of clothes.

(I hate this…)

I'm so embarrassed I want to cry, I want to disappear, and I bite my lip so hard it almost bleeds.

But Azel ties the cloth without changing his expression and moves away.

Azel: I apologize… I'm not good at tying.

Azel: The shape is messy, but you understand how to wear it, right?

(Did he perhaps not hear my voice?)

(...Thank goodness. It's a small mercy.)

Azel: Once you've changed, don't leave this room.

Azel: Or rather, I'll lock the door so you can't leave even if you want to.

Emma: That sounds like confinement—

Azel: It's protection. By the way, I'm in the mood for freshly baked bread today. With cream.

Azel: I'm looking forward to it.

Leaving only his selfish order, Azel quickly leaves the room.

Kamal, who follows him, glances at me and leaves with a meaningful smile.

(What was that just now?)

-

The God, who had left the kitchen, walked down the hallway and stopped abruptly when he reached the entrance.

Azel: That was a blunder.

Kamal: Indeed. But her being an idiot is nothing new.

The bewitching beauty smiled and leaned against the railing as she spoke.

Kamal: How much did you see?

Azel: Everything, of course.

Azel: You can move right away, can't you?

Kamal: If I can use Izzet.

Azel: I don't mind. Finish it by today.

Kamal: What will you do with the hunted prey?

Azel: The God himself will show them a nightmare.

Azel: A special nightmare that will make them unable to wake up again, a living hell.

The incoming light enveloped the God, creating deep, dark shadows.

There was no compassion there, only disgust reflected in his star-filled eyes.

Kamal: …You're angrier than I expected.

Azel: I'm not angry, just disgusted.

Kamal: Either way, this isn't an unexpected turn of events, is it?

Azel: No. The God can perform divination that's equal to clairvoyance, seeing into the future.

Azel: However, all I can predict are "events."

Azel: I don't care what people think or how they feel as a result of those events.

Azel: Even if I can make statistical predictions, they're not always accurate.

Kamal: So, she reacted in a way you didn't expect, and you felt sympathy?

Azel: No way. It's just…

Azel: If she's a victim caught in the crossfire, she should be angry or scolding me, but she gave me the most difficult reaction to deal with.

Kamal: How unreasonable.

Azel: Unreasonable is fine. That's why I hate good people.

Azel: Even when faced with absurdity, they try to swallow it all. They should just lash out at something.

Kamal: Ah, I know. There's one troublesome child like that. She's a relative of mine—

Azel: Shut up.

Kamal: Oh, scary.

Azel: … Sigh…

Kamal: So, what are you going to do? If she returns to the castle, she might face even worse humiliation than today.

Azel: In that case, the Rhodolite guests won't stay silent.

Azel: It wouldn't be bad to deliberately cause trouble and have Tanzanite withdraw.

Kamal: Logically, yes. But what about her heart?

Kamal: An ordinary girl is given an aphrodisiac and forcibly exposed in such a way?

Kamal: And if the timing is bad, it could happen in front of everyone.

Azel: ..........

Kamal: Shall I protect her?

Azel: You don't want your true colors revealed, do you?

Kamal: How cruel to call it my true colors!

Azel: It would be traumatizing in a different way, so stop it.

Azel: Besides, I want to avoid you attracting the High Priest's attention by acting rashly.

Azel: Especially not now.

Kamal: …That's true.

Azel: I'm the only one who can protect her.

Azel: But I don't want to let her live here. It's disgusting.

Kamal: Then you have no choice but to abandon her.

Kamal: Oh, how pitiful. Dragged into this by the God's whim, she'll be left with emotional scars that will never fade…

Kamal: Her dignity as a human being will be shattered, and yet she'll still smile bravely. That type of girl…

Kamal: She doesn't want to worry others, so she keeps all her most important feelings bottled up inside…

Kamal: Well, I'm sure the God knows everything even if I don't say it.

Azel: …That's true.

Azel: Even if that happens, it has nothing to do with me.

-

(I wonder when this will go back to normal…)

I knead the dough vigorously in the bowl.

Several kinds of freshly baked bread have already been made, and the counter is bustling.

There's no need to make any more, but I couldn't let go of the only way to calm my agitated heart.

(Azel said it would subside with time, but my body is still hot.)

My escaping breath is strangely seductive, and the shame almost brings tears to my eyes again.

Whether it's because of the aphrodisiac or my worn-out spirit, I still can't shake the feeling of my wet cheeks.

(Will I be drugged again when I return to the castle?)

(...It was a good thing only Azel saw me today, but if…)

(If I suddenly end up like this in front of a lot of people, I might not be able to recover.)

Just as I slam the dough against the bowl once more, the lock clicks open.

Azel: Thank you for your hard work. You're quite the baker.

Emma: …I had a lot of time.

Azel: You were able to spend it meaningfully, right? You should thank me.

Emma: …

Azel: Oh my…

(Did he see the tear stains…?)

I hurriedly lower my eyes and focus on the dough.

I knead the dough over and over again, even though it doesn't need to be kneaded anymore—

Emma: I think it's better if you don't come near me until the aphrodisiac wears off.

Azel: I wouldn't come near you even if you didn't tell me not to, but we need to leave soon or it will be night.

(It's already that late?)

(...I have to go back. I don't have the courage to walk through the desert at night.)

Emma: I'll bake the rest of the dough when I come back.

I cover the bowl with a cloth to let the dough rest and place it in a cool, dark place.

Carefully, with slow movements, so as not to aggravate the itchy heat in my stomach.

Emma: Can I return to the castle wearing this dress?

Azel: Do as you like.

Emma: Thank you.

Azel: But it'll cost you.

Emma: …I thought you'd say that.

Azel: There's nothing scarier than free goodwill.

Emma: That's a nice way to put it.

I quickly finish cleaning up and try to head for the exit.

But the God blocks my way, and I can't go any further.

Emma: The confinement is over, isn't it?

Azel: …

Emma: I made your meal for today.

Azel: …

Emma: I should be able to go home now.

Azel: You have something you want to say, don't you?

He hits the mark, and my shoulders shake.

Azel, with his arms crossed and leaning against the wall, gives me a quiet look as if he's trying to gauge my mood.

Azel: Speak.

Emma: …

Azel: I encouraged you to pray to the God, didn't I?

Emma: If I pray… will you listen?

Azel: Who knows. At the very least, the Living God chooses who he listens to.

Azel: It depends on your attitude.

(Maybe it's because he's a God. It feels like he can see right through my heart.)

Encouraged by his mystical eyes that hold the starry sky, I somehow manage to gather my scattered words.

Emma: …From tomorrow, I would like to have at least meals with the Living God.

Emma: After what happened, I've become scared of the food at the castle…

I try to smile and appear calm.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm smiling properly because I'm desperately trying to suppress the heat raging inside me, but I didn't want to blame Azel excessively.

(Because… I'm not the real victim.)

Emma: Is that not allowed?

Azel: …

Emma: …Living God?

Azel: …

Emma: What's wrong—

Azel: …Damn it—!

(!?)

For some reason, Azel suddenly punches the wall and glares at me with a grim expression.

There's something so terrifying about him that it makes me freeze.

Azel: Get angry if you're angry, cry if you want to cry, just pick one! It's annoying!

Azel: Don't try to endure it with that creepy smile, it's a critical hit to my mental state.

(To… To think that Azel would be concerned about such a thing…!)

Azel: You never worry about me, do you?

Azel: I'm allowing your rude behavior, so stop making that face that clearly hides your true feelings.

Azel: You should say something like, "It's your fault, so hurry up and prepare a bed for me somewhere other than the castle," or something.

Emma: …Well, that's partly incorrect.

Azel: Then what is it?

Emma: I don't think the Living God is "in the wrong."

Emma: The ones in the wrong are those who try to impose their selfish desires using such underhanded methods.

Azel: …

Emma: Just because you're a God doesn't mean you have to accept everything with compassion.

(The more clearly I express it in words, the more I understand how I feel.)

(It's true that I'm just caught up in this mess with Azel because of the debt, but…)

(Azel isn't using me because he wants to, either.)

Emma: …It's not fair.

Emma: The Living God answers the prayers of the people, but the Living God's prayers don't reach the people.

Emma: Then I wondered who would help the Living God…

Emma: When I thought about it, I realized that I might be the only one right now, so I couldn't bring myself to blame you.

Now it's Azel's turn to be dumbfounded.

The awkward silence weighs heavily when the loquacious God becomes speechless.

Emma: But… um…

Emma: If… If I may speak my mind…

Emma: …I still don't want to go back to the castle…

(Azel said I don't have to endure it.)

(Maybe he'll change his mind and try to help me—)

Azel: That's rejected.

Emma: The flow of the conversation clearly indicated that you would listen to me!?

Azel: I didn't make any promises, please don't misunderstand.

Azel: Honestly, I don't care if you're drugged with an aphrodisiac or whatever, as long as I'm safe.

Emma: That's cruel.

Azel: Thank you for the compliment.

Azel: I want you to return to the castle as soon as possible, but…

With a disgruntled attitude, Azel reaches for the freshly baked bread.

The God takes a bite of the bread I baked with cream, as requested, and furrows his brow in a complicated manner.

Azel: Well then… For the sake of the freshly baked bread, I'll consider giving you an employment test.

Emma: Employment… test…?

Azel: I have no intention of keeping an incompetent person by my side.

Azel: But if there's a benefit to me having you live and work here, that's a different story.

(...!)

The God, showing an unprecedented compromise and willingness to meet me halfway, forms a compassionate smile that seems to radiate a halo.

Azel: What can you do for me?

.

.

.

Chapter 8

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[princeescaluswords]

I always find there's such a stark difference between tgt fans and soc fans, and this is could possibly be because of the way the fandom interprets the texts. Six of crows is a heist novel, about people who aren't chosen ones and just live in Kerch. You don't have to be special to be worthy of getting your story told. Soc fans get that. But Darkling fans? Well, it just *can't* be that Alina chooses to be ordinary over being the Darkling's queen, so she apparently *must* end up with her abuser, even though she does not share his morals; even though she is the antithesis of everything he is because she will never see others' lives as expendable for a greater cause. Alina is compassionate and revels in being the 99%, and Darkling fans seem to hate that. Alina was never meant to be a power fantasy, but for Darkling fans, the idea of being normal was never an option - because to them, why would you not choose to be part of the 1%; why would you not turn this into a power fantasy, even when when the author always intended for tgt to be the opposite?

Unfortunately, I have only seen the Netflix adaptation of the Grishaverse. I don't know what "tgt" stands for. However, I can talk about the unpleasant intersection I find between power, status, and ethics that occurs in fandoms. When I refer back to Alina, the Darkling, and the other characters in the Grishaverse, you should bear in mind that it is constrained by my limited knowledge, and I welcome any correction of what you feel is a misinterpretation.

When it comes to many people in our culture, they may claim to want a good story, but they tend to be quite simplistic in their value systems when they think they're not going to be judged for it. Which means they want power fantasies, instead. The problem, of course, is that power fantasies don't make satisfying stories. It's like trying to survive on a diet consisting solely of cheeseburgers.

Let me give a concrete example. In my primary fandom, Teen Wolf, I recently came across an unlabeled post-season 2 story where Jackson Whittemore -- who, for those who don't know, is white, rich, good-looking, entitled and captain of both the lacrosse and the swim team -- is talking about Scott McCall (the lead protagonist in the show but not this story) in very negative terms, complaining about Scott's lack of decency in not telling Allison Argent that her mother was bitten by Derek Hale, an alpha werewolf, while Mrs. Argent was trying to kill Scott. The bite caused Mrs. Argent to kill herself, and, for a time, Allison blamed Derek for her mother's death.

Now, they set aside the fact that the show made it clear that Scott didn't tell Allison because, by the time he figured out what had happened (he was unconscious when Derek bit Allison's mother), it was already too late to change anything, so Scott decided not to tell Allison so that wouldn't be the last memory she had of her beloved mother. You would think that people would view this as an effort to be kind, right? Wrong!

Fandom sees this as an utter betrayal, because it is Derek Hale's feelings, as a white, rich, god-looking, entitled Alpha Werewolf, that should take precedence over Scott's girlfriend's feelings. It doesn't matter that while Derek did come to Scott's rescue, he had beat, manipulated, lied to, betrayed, and tried to murder innocents under Scott's protection for almost all of the first two seasons.

Also relevant is that this is the same Jackson Whittemore, who witnessed his next-door neighbor "kicking the crap" out of his son, Isaac Lahey, and said nothing about it to anyone. This is the same Jackson Whittemore, who when he got the Bite, dumped his girlfriend and told a homeless man to go die in another parking lot, before turning into a murder lizard slave. This is the same Jackson Whittemore for whom the only solution that Derek Hale managed to come up with when this happened was straight-up murder. This is the same Jackson Whittemore whom Scott fought to save from Derek. There is no hint in this fandom story that Jackson is being a hypocrite or being ungrateful or even aware of the contradiction.

The author chose this. Jackson's signature callousness and selfishness simply vanishes just long enough for him to condemn the person who tried to save him for not wanting to hurt his girlfriend's feelings. Why? Jackson is privileged, and he has that in common with Derek, so it is obvious that Jackson will take Derek's perspective in the matter.

Which brings us back to your example. Alina is the Sun Summoner, a living saint, and incredibly powerful. Of course she's supposed to take the side of the Darkling, who is also incredibly powerful. His creation of a slave caste for his kind, his manipulation and murder of countless others, and his creation of the Shadow Fold poisons her nation. This is irrelevant to power fantasy, where power should make her perspective identical to his.

In the modern day, our culture certainly talks about the dangers of the elite, but fandom gives its participants the way to celebrate a freedom from the ethical consideration when it comes to personal power. To them, since fiction =/= reality, they can indulge in their lust for power and status regardless of the consequences. To them, there is no reason for Scott McCall to value Derek Hale's feelings above Allison Argent's; Derek is more powerful, richer, and better looking (and a guy!) so Scott should choose Derek's side. To them, there is no reason that the Sun Summoner will choose a course in life that will prevent her power from corrupting her; if she allowed herself to be corrupted, she'd have all the status of the Darkling.

The problem they have is that the artists behind both the Grishaverse and Teen Wolf, which you are free to consider trivial, still examined the world around them and came to the conclusion that power doesn't supersede the necessity for ethical thought. In other words, the artists realized that power fantasies might give momentary pleasure, but in the end, they don't produce meaningful stories.

Some people have a problem with that.

[horizon-verizon]

Spoilers!!!

Streets are saying that Rhaenys will help Rhaenyra make her decision to meet Alicent in episode 3. Wtf🤣

I haven't watched the episode, and I really don't mind anyone spoiling any episode now or in the future. I welcome the spoilers, actually.

Makes sense for Rhaenys, though. Again, this is HotD, the male gaze and accident-is-God version of the Dance story. Of course she'd do that. I wrote two recent posts abt Rhaenys HERE and HERE before the season premiered.

Someone once said that Show!rhaenys was the stand in for some readers who hold Rhaenyra entirely responsible for the war because she held on to her claim instead of giving up the throne and quietly backing out so Aegon gets it the throne. The show's narrative tries to constantly validate that by making Rhaenys "righteous" and the only voice of reason...this is the same woman, btw who chose to blast up from the floor of the Dragonpit to escape, told Rhaenyra point blank that the greens were coming after her (word for word, btw), castigated her for ever even hoping to become some sort of new "order" in response to the idea of people not accepting her rule bc she Rhaenys couldn't get there (pettiness), etc. Recently @rhaenin-time puther on blast by saying that she was more sexist than Daemon, implying that she is such sub-textually and from the writers' own gender biases.

But most importantly, this is ANOTHER huge inconsistency from Rhaenys bc she herself has said to Alicent back in S1 E9 that she is not trying to make her own way but do as the men around her tell them...why the fuck would she risk Rhaenyra's being captured and killed by Alicent, when Rhaenys doesn't even know Alicent like that?!!!

If Rhaenyra is still necessary for the peace Rhaenys supposedly wants, SEMI-LOGICALLY, Rhaenys is trying/hoping to get Rhaenyra killed/kept as a hostage so they'd all be forced to stop and prevent war (bc she might not want to risk Rhaenyra finally becoming angry abt the greens' continuous long distanced-attacks on her image, etc.).

And that would be diabolical as well as highly hypocritical, since she herself was already captured once before and she decided she'd rather escape, with alicent having had the same idea when she intended on using Rhaenys...so why would Rhaenys, who heard Alicent say this very thing, have left KL if she is supposedly so smart?! It's also the same women who seems to have little to no love for her grandsons bc they aren't Laenor's...when she herself has pressed for 12 yr old Laena (her blood daughter) to marry a mid-30s man for "security" and power, going along with OR partnering w/her husband. Neither are good scenarios for specifically the claim of her supposed compassion or altruism.

i wouldn't be as pressed if it weren't for people claiming this was a well written character, that she was smart, or say that she was "reasonable" and compassionate. Or that she is a better character than bk!Rhaenys. It's so funny that no one ever doubts the male characters' characterizations as written by Gyldayn but they do for female characters who were more active/assertive/tried to develop their own power base or use it! As of women are totally incapable of doing such even under the worst of patriarchies...like people don't get how innately sexist this idea is and the following implication that SHE, the assertive woman, is the "problem" if she does assert her rights or got for shows of what they think of or IS "strength".

I mean, real women of history have been both oppressed and abused while also finding ways to gather power whether in ambition or self defense.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Hello, m'lady!

If you don't mind, here are some incoherent thoughts about some of the Bois that came to my mind after reading around in your brilliant writing. You said you wouldn't mind my incoherent thoughts, so I thought I'd share them! (I'm still working on my incoherent Bad Batch thoughts, btw)

I want to hug Jesse. Like, he's hot as hell no questions asked, but I also just want to hug him. Like, a long hug. And tell him that he's loved and that he's enough and wonderful exactly as he is.

Also, I want to cook for all the clones, but these vibes are the strongest with Wrecker, and, for some reason, Hardcase and Fives.

Also, my ideal date is going to one of those public strawberry picking fields where you can just... walk around and fill your basket with strawberries, and afterwards go home and bake strawberry cake, and I'm going to drop that in this context.

Also I find it so interesting how non-commitical Rex actually is; like, who would've guessed that a guy with such a spit-death-in-the-face attitude on the battlefield would be so scared to let someone into his heart.

Also, I low-key wanna call Cody Marshall Commander, Sir and see what happens >:3

I haven't even consumed any Delta Squad material, but solely the writing on this blog made me love them all and (idk, maybe they've met in canon XD) I think Boss and Cody would get along.

And someone should tell Fixer to go tf to sleep, I'm sensing that he doesn't do that *nearly* enough.

Someone should also tell Kix that always putting others first and neglecting his own needs is not what being a good, compassionate person is about, and that he's worth it.

I could go on and on, damn, but lemme just say that your depiction of the Bois really helped shape a more 3-dimensional and rich picture of them in my head and that is awesome :)

Also thank you sm for my date set-up again, I'd 100% ask the dear commander for a second date.

I've been thinking about these gems nonstop since you dropped them in my inbox! 💙 I love getting thoughts like this so keep them coming! I don't get to talk about these wonderful clone men IRL so this is my only outlet 😅

And just so you know, I did intend to respond like a normal person and just... piggyback on your thoughts, share a few of my own, call it a day... but then my hand slipped and now I have 8 whole one-shots to share instead 😳😳

So, in honor of May the Fourth, I've got my 8 stories queued up to post throughout today (5/4), all based on what you shared here! We've got hurt/comfort, we've got silliness, we've got slice-of-life, we've even got some spice.... I had so much fun writing these and I hope you all enjoy them! 

Thanks for the inspo, friend! Wishing everyone a fantastic Star Wars day! 🌟

JESSE

Jesse definitely needs a good, solid hug every once in a while. Be prepared for his reaction, though, it'll be quite an emotional moment for him...

WRECKER (+Fives and Hardcase)

They do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

BLACKOUT

Why not go on this ideal date with your new beau, Blackout? 😃

REX

His fear of commitment is interesting, huh? But he does have many loved ones who will help him work through that fear...

CODY

Oh boy, you'd best be ready for a long night after a line like that...

BOSS & CODY

They're leaders with different styles, different responsibilities, different crews... and yet they're bonded together like two old men who just met in the power tools aisle...

FIXER TECH

Actually, I headcanon that Fixer is an early bird. It's more likely that someone would tell him to go back to sleep.

Tech on the other hand...

KIX

There aren't a lot of people Kix would listen to if they told him that. Thankfully you're one of them...

[paperclvps]

hi chauncey. *cocks a fucking gun* it's your turn. you should tell me about twisted wonderland. NOW

(please keep in mind all i know is what vanny told me please)

Hello, Mul! Well you've walked right on into the autists grotto. Welcome, welcome. Sit tight!* *and forgive me for any incorrect info; most of this is off of the top of my head.

To begin, I should probably give you the basics.

Twisted wonderland was developed by Walt Disney Japan; and published by Aniplex. Twisted wonderland is a mix between a rythm game, a battle game, and a visual novel with a gacha system to get cards of the characters. Said characters were designed by Yana Toboso, who created Black Bulter/Kuroshitsuji, if you're familiar with that title. They also are/were in charge of the original plan, and the main script as far as I am aware. Though the game has been available in Japan since early 2020, it took until January of 2022 to be released in America and to be given an english translation. I don't think it's been released all over the world though, as I've had to download the game via quoapp and I live in the uk.

Since this is a disney game, our roster of characters is inspired by Disney Villains from various franchises- much like the dorms. These dorms, Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde and Diasomnia. They are each inspired by the 'spirit' of one of the great seven.

But who are the great seven, you may ask? To explain, there are seven influental figures in the world, called The Great Seven whose deeds are told through many legends. This group of characters are the following- The Queen of Hearts, The King of Beasts, The Sea Witch, The Sorcerer of the Sands, The Fairest Queen, The King of the Underworld, and The Thorn Fairy. I'm sure you're able to figure out which villains each of these is based off of via their names, so I won't go into that.

The great seven, in the world of twisted wonderland- aren't considered to be villains. The statues of them at night raven college- the setting of the game, speak only of their good qualities. Such as the following; 'A compassionate sea witch who dwelled in a grotto deep beneath the waves. To repent for past misdeeds, she devoted herself to helping troubled souls, guiding even seemingly hopeless romances to a true happy ending.' To put that into perspective, these 'villains' are highly respected.

I would like to say from here, that despite their similarities, the characters you interact with at night raven college are NOT related to the great seven, or their henchmen and the likes. They're inspired by them, though, and 'twisted' from the characters. But, Azul, the Ursula inspired character does not equal the sea witch.

In the game, you as the player take the role of 'Yuu'- or whatever you choose to call yourself. The protagonist. Despite having no powers of your own, being a completely ordinary human- you are taken to the world of twisted wonderland via a magic mirror. You find yourself at night raven college; a magic training school for boys. You need to find your way back home, but the headmaster- a man called Dire Crowley- offers you protection until a way to do so is discovered. You, or, Yuu, is placed in an unnamed, run down dormitory outside of the main campus, and throughout the game you will be partnered up with Grim, A hot headed fire monster cat who originally made attempts to steal your spot at the college. Chaos ensued, but after the events of the start of the prolouge, you and Grim end up enrolling as one student- since you are unable to use magic.

Generally I just find it to be a fun and (mostly) light hearted game, although some of the overblot storylines hit me in the feels and resonate with me a lot. ('Overblot is a form taken by those who overuse their magic and let their negative emotions "blot" their magic wands.')

You can play twistunes, which is the rythm game part, decorate a 'guest room', partake in battles, and read vignettes or the main story to get to know the characters better.

You mentioned to vanny that you wanted a more simple explanation, so I wont go any further unless you have questions, but please feel free to send a follow-up ask if anything is confusing!

Tldr, normal human gets sent to magic world and magic school, needs to find a way to get home, interacts with the other students who are inspired by disney villains along the way and you get the treat of watching one of them traumadump after you beat their overblot boss battle. It's also silly.

Just a note if you want to play the game, it can be quite grind-heavy, so if you dislike repetitive tasks it may not be the game for you.

If you read this far here's me and my boyfriend vvvv

[magnificent-winged-beast]

Ok. For you, my dear @eames-with-a-rose I will come here TODAY of all the days to try to explain this particular picture that hunts Tumblr every April 1st.

First, origins. This is from know your meme.

Please take note of this year and particular month, Comic Con 2009 was from July 23 to July 26.

This is the "official" Misha first impression about the Mishapocalypse.

And what happened to Misha around the time this picture was taken? The following interview was one of the first recollections that Misha told about the bike accident:

Misha Collins Interview - Comic Con Press Room 2009

Written by Alice Jester

Category: Interviews

Created: 27 July 2009

Our roundtable time with Misha Collins was the least, only about four minutes. Still, we got some great sound bites regarding his recent nasty bicycle accident, being pranked in season five by Jared, and how Castiel has taken up crochet. And is learning how to ride a bicycle. As usual, SPOILER ALERT!!!!!

Misha gingerly worked his way over to our table, and we could tell he was in some pain. We all asked how he was. “Terrible, how are you?” Of course he was joking, but in a way he really meant it.

Why are you terrible?

MC: Well, I’ve been in the hospital. I crashed on my bicycle going about 55 mph. 

(Something about it being stupid muttered in the background).

MC: You’re right, thank you, I haven’t gotten that reaction yet. “You are stupid.”

Were you wearing a helmet?

MC: I was. Still, crashing going 55 mph is stupid, in my opinion.

Only if you did it on purpose.

MC: No, I didn’t do it on purpose.

Are you a little banged up?

MC: I’m a little banged up. I just tore some muscles and I’m missing a lot of skin. My shirts are sticking to my scabs. Other than that…

So you’re being a method actor since Castiel was basically destroyed at the end of last season.

MC:  Exactly, I wanted to know what that felt like.

Source:

I copied this “interview” from a known Bibro site. To show a recollection of a “neutral” source about Misha's health. Meaning, these aren't the ones that will exaggerate or take an overwhelming compassionate take about this incident and current state ON THE DAY THE INFAMOUS PICTURE WAS TAKEN. As you can read in the last question, they practically dismissed the accident.

Now, let's hear the recollection of this story from him several years later. Please go from the fresh fish story until the end, the last part of the bike crash.

I'm sure numerous hard core Misha fans will know about this story. He told it on many panels, in different kinds of focus of the story. Occasionally, he tells it like a joke and the classic IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME, Misha moment. In others, he tells this story about why he wants a tattoo of a sockeye Salmon.

I choose this particular one because even 6 years later, you can tell how emotional he feels about watching his best friend covered in blood.

I prefer, first, to put on the table these two facts for context. And any person beyond his fan base can put themselves in his place, of why Misha wouldn't like this picture. That may remain him of a dark moment when he believed HE could have died or, worse for him, lost his best friend. Because I don't have a link, or a filmed explanation of why Misha had said didn't like this particular picture to be part of the Mishapocalypse.

But many of us read a post about a Meet and Greet, that I can’t find right now, when one of the attendees asked Misha about this picture, the following year, when the Mishapocalypse was a “success” on tumblr. She basically asked him what he was thinking to make that “particular face” that now was being multiplied over tumblr and had expanded over other SM.

For what I recall, he explained kind of seriously and kind of as a joke. That that was his pain face, at the time he was heavily medicated because the accident occurred early in that month. Because he HAD TO ASSIST TO COMIC CON, a date saved in advance, a work thing he MUST assist. (This kind of reminds me of that time the CW didn't let him assist to his daughter's birth because they were filming. Now you know Why I have the nasty feelings for the WB and CW people). Moreover, because it was a memory of one of the worst days of his life, when he thought he was going to die, and how because of some stupid competitive moment he could have lost his best friend.

As much as we know about Misha (or think we think we know). I mean, what I can infer about the past 6 years of watching his panels, interviews and reading his books. I have a grasp of how Misha uses self—deprecated humor, makes jokes about heavy personal issues and events in his life, and tends to get in serious trouble, but stills makes jokes and dismiss those events, once time and trauma had passed by. I tend to do the same, better laugh about your horrible experiences as a way to feel you completely overcome them. Than keep being a victim of their consequences by let those memories hunt you by giving them a solemn importantce.

Currently, I can only hope this picture flooded Tumblr just for today. Because I know that making an issue about it, or asking publicly for people to not use it, is sometimes to ask for the trolls to come out from their caves and do it twice as much.

I'm sorry I couldn't post this earlier, but I was busy and tend to skip this day on Tumblr to avoid the controversial image, that I, personally, dislike ever since I learn its origin and what Misha feels about it. Even now, ten years later, I can speculate Misha forgot about it. Probably it's just a past joke for him, either way it can reach him through Twitter or Instagram where he is more active, and some "fans" decided to migrate this tumblr thing beyond.

Still, for the little I can consider myself as a Misha connoisseur, or just a fan, I think he isn't the kind of person that will make a big fuss about these things, even if it can still affect him. Albeit, little we can really know or understand about the real meaning or trauma this simple image can carry for him.

In the end, the thing, it's out there. The Mishapocalypse is still a THING, apparently. And like I said, trying for people on the Internet to do or not to do anything, sometimes brings the opposite effect and spawns large debates I don’t have the energy or time to participate in.

I can offer alternatives images as usual…

I must confess, I participated in the 5th Mishapocalypse before knowing the origin of the image. Since then, I tried to make alternative takes on this day, like celebrating the wonderful human being Misha is by posting facts about his life and good deeds. But this year I decided to be away for this ¿"celebration"? Because this blog is a 24/7 tribute to him and to Castiel, now his new project Harvey Dent. So, you see, for me, every day is a Mishapocalypse, where I can post nicer and least traumatic images of The Hot Overlord, now the Zaddy Dent.

@eames-with-a-rose ♥

P.S.: @shedontlovehuhself I know you have a Bible size of evidence of Misha “embracing” this picture. That's nice. But I hope you didn't know about this little trivia of the context of this particular image. Because I know, you have an answer to everything and first-hand information about what Misha Collins Thinks and wants. Please go on your merry way and do as you please on your blog. But kindly stop berating my posts with your editorial corrections.

When did misha say he didn’t like this image?

@magnificent-winged-beast im trying to find posts, but barely, it was 2019 and before, Raven do u have links, please help?

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: [Mad Love] Chapter 25

Chapter 24 Premium Story

♡———♡

If life were a fairy tale, it would be easy to find happiness.

All you'd need to do is be kind, compassionate, and full of love.

Usually, people like that are the protagonists of stories... and "protagonists" usually end up happy.

But what if you were an irredeemable villain,

and on top of that, fell in love with someone like a "protagonist"?

The chances of a happy ending for you would be incredibly low.

In my case? Well, what do you think? Which one do you believe?

-

– One month later, as promised.

Victor looked up contentedly, holding the final report I had submitted.

Victor: Thank you, Kate. You kept our secret and documented their crimes.

Kate: I'm relieved to have completed the task I was assigned.

Kate: I believe I've honestly recorded all actions that are clearly crimes according to the law and ethics.

Victor: Yes. And on top of that, your "special notes" that you always include were quite interesting.

Kate: I wanted to add what I saw and felt with my own eyes...

It was a desperate measure for me, who couldn't write that obvious crimes were "not crimes" out of personal feelings, nor could I write that they were "crimes" in a rigid manner, excluding all personal feelings.

In reality, what Alfons does is like a mirror, where good and evil are two sides of the same coin.

He shows illusions and drives people mad – but some are saved by it.

The work of taking lives is a serious crime – but there are also lives that cannot be saved without doing so.

Victor: I actually think these "special notes" are important and valuable.

Kate: Huh...?

I looked at Victor in surprise, and he gently narrowed his eyes.

Victor: I told you at the beginning, didn't I? I want you to write down what you think is a crime.

Victor: In your eyes... they were not cursed beings destined to commit crimes.

Victor: Reading this, it's clear you saw them as human beings.

Victor: And it's that perspective, the ability to look at the person in front of you, not their status, title, or superficial impression...

Victor: I believe that's what will lead this country to a better place.

Victor lovingly gazes at the words. It's the same expression he sometimes shows when looking at the Crown members and me.

Kate: Victor and William – why did you two establish the Crown?

Victor: Hmm? Well...

Victor: Just as everyone living in the bright places of this country wishes it could be that way for everyone...

Victor: We wished that those who can only live in the darkness of night could also spread their wings freely... I guess.

I probably still only know a fraction of the dark world they fly in.

But I had no anxiety about diving into it.

Victor: Now, you are officially free.

Victor: Can you tell me? What do you want to do from now on?

Kate: Yes, Victor.

I lift my chin.

Kate: Please let me continue my work as a Fairytale Keeper.

Kate: I want to stake my life on defying Alfons' fate.

Like a flickering illusion, Alfons' true form has slipped through my fingers countless times, leaving my heart lost and wandering.

But each time, hope also appeared before me.

Kate: Investigating with Roger, I felt that there are things I can do.

Kate: Besides... memories become more deeply etched the more you trace them.

Kate: If I deeply engrave them in my eyes, ears, nose, and entire body, something might remain.

Victor smiled with narrowed eyes and firmly shook my hand.

Victor: ...That's a wonderful decision. I'll support you.

Kate: Thank you.

Victor: So...

Victor: Have you told him about it?

Kate: That's...

-

Kate: So, I look forward to continuing to work with you.

Roger: Yeah, same here.

I handed him a summary of the report to Her Majesty, specifically the part detailing what I knew about Alfons' curse and abilities.

Roger grinned.

Roger: You're a naughty girl, aren't you? Leaking the report to Her Majesty.

Kate: Primary sources only gain value when they're in the hands of a skilled researcher.

Kate: There's no researcher in all of Britain who investigates curses as earnestly as you, Roger.

Kate: If this advances research on curses even a little...

Kate: It would be beneficial to Her Majesty, who bears the burden of the cursed for the sake of the country, wouldn't it?

Elbert: ...Hehe.

I looked up at the sound of laughter, like sunlight filtering through thin lace curtains.

The beautiful person who had been watching us from a simple examination bed was laughing.

Kate: Is something wrong...?

Elbert: No... your way of speaking has become a bit like Al's, I thought.

Kate: Huh?

(Did I sound like him just now...?)

My face suddenly felt hot, and I hurriedly searched for another topic.

Kate: Um, Elbert, why are you here? Are you injured somewhere?

Roger: He was stumbling around from lack of sleep, so I just forcibly put him to sleep with sleeping pills.

Kate: Are you alright...?

Elbert: Yeah. It's common... don't worry about it.

Elbert: ...If you have any trouble, tell me. I'll do anything I can.

Elbert: This time, for sure... so that the happiness of "both of you" won't be broken.

("This time, for sure"...?)

It bothered me a little, but Elbert's eyes were somewhat sad, and I couldn't ask.

Until something decisive happened, like Alfons leaving a will and disappearing, it feels like Elbert has always been watching us from a slight distance, like this.

(Will I ever understand the meaning of his words and the reason for his sad eyes...?)

Kate: ...Elbert, if there's anything I can help you with, please tell me.

Elbert: Thank you. ...If you could be happy with Al, that would be the best.

Roger: So, the Fairytale Keeper will continue her exclusive contract with Al, huh?

Roger: ...So, on this momentous contract renewal day, where is the man himself?

Kate: That's...

Kate: He's not here... nowhere to be found...

-

I haven't told Alfons about anything yet, including what I told Victor and the others about my future plans.

It's all because Alfons went off somewhere and hasn't returned to the castle.

Kate: Where did he go...?

He should know that today is the day of our promise.

(Doesn't he care if I stay at the castle or go back to town...?)

Feeling uneasy, I quietly returned to my room and found an unfamiliar envelope on the bed.

(Th-this incredibly illegible handwriting... it's Alfons...!)

I hurriedly opened it – it only said "Post Office."

Kate: Wh-what...? Does this mean I should go there? What does it-- Ugh!

Unable to stand still, I rushed out of the room.

-

Director: I'm glad you came to say goodbye after sending such a polite resignation letter.

Director: If you have any trouble at your next job, you're always welcome to come back.

Director: Oh, right. I have an envelope for you that I was asked to give you when you came.

The next envelope said, "At the pub...".

-

Manager: Oh, it's been a while, lass. Al hasn't been making you cry again, has he?

Manager: If he's been giving you a hard time, just say the word. I'll smack him with one of the bottles he keeps here.

Manager: Oh, I almost forgot. Here, Al told me to give this to you if you came by.

-

The next one was the market where the boy I saved from the Docklands fire worked.

Youth: Ah... M-miss...

Youth: Um, at the harbor warehouse... th-that fire... th-thank you for saving me.

Youth: I-I'm... working here now, thanks to a referral from the person who got me into the hospital...

Youth: I didn't know there was such a warm life.

Youth: Ah, this... the man from that time told me to give it to you if you came.

-

Kate: Huff... huff... In the end, back to the original place...!?

By the time I got back to my room, following the instructions in the letters, it was already completely dark.

The last envelope was tossed on the bed, just like the first one.

*"Welcome back. I'm sorry to bother you when you're tired, but would you like to have a party tonight?"

*"If YES, dress up and come to the dining hall."

Even I think I'm an idiot for obediently dressing up according to this unreasonable message.

While even the Alfons in my head mocked me for being so serious, I entered the dining hall...

-

Kate: Alfons, what are you up to...!?

I gasped as I saw the dining table adorned with a luxurious dinner.

Alfons: Even after being so unreasonably dragged around, you still follow me.

Alfons: You really are an idiot, aren't you?

Alfons, who had been sitting leisurely in a chair, stood up and approached me, gallantly extending his hand.

Kate: What's going on, all this...? Did Victor prepare this...?

Alfons: No? I prepared it while you were running all over London, buying me time.

Alfons: Amazing, isn't it? Please praise me with all the vocabulary you can muster.

Kate: You prepared all of this, Alfons...?

Alfons: Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm good at cooking.

Alfons winked, saying so.

Alfons: Perhaps it's a reaction to having eaten nothing but garbage-like meals, but I have a weakness for delicious food.

Alfons: It's a surprise.

And so, he escorts me, who is dumbfounded, to my seat.

Alfons: Say, Kate. How was it breathing in the London air today?

A napkin is spread over my lap, and a chuckle brushes past my ear.

Kate: Huh...?

Alfons: The post office, it must have brought back memories. You're so straightforward and serious, I bet you missed it.

Alfons: You probably don't have many good memories of the pub. Well, the place itself isn't bad.

Alfons: The boy you saved must have blended into the peaceful everyday life of London.

Alfons: ... Didn't you want to go back?

The man next to me is smiling like a devil.

The real purpose of having me run around today wasn't to buy time for a surprise.

-- Wouldn't you be happier if you went back?

He toyed with me all day just to dangle that devilish whisper.

Kate: You're really the worst, you know.

Alfons: Oh my, how hurtful.

Kate: If I said I'm leaving the castle and going back to my old life... what would you do with this feast?

Alfons: Of course, I'd have to tearfully eat it all myself.

Alfons: You'd be spared from the tragedy, and I'd just continue dancing merrily as always.

Kate: I see...

Kate: Then... this is my answer.

While staring back into his eyes as he leaned in, I pressed my lips against his.

When I gently bit his lip, Alfons narrowed his eyes.

It was a smile like that of someone watching a kitten playfully biting their fingertip.

Alfons: ... I understand very well.

A whisper melted into the space between our lips, and my breath was taken away again.

Kate: Nn... -Kyah!

He lifted me up like a child and placed me on the dining table, and the napkin on my lap fluttered to the floor.

Alfons: The return for your kiss will be directly on your body.

--CHOICES--

After taking a bath

You have bad manners

After moving to the room

---------------

Kate: ... On the table? That's... improper...

Alfons: The one being improper is you, seducing me in such a sexy dress.

My protest is ignored as a matter of course, and my entangled hands are pressed against the table.

Alfons: Heh...

Kate: Nn...!

His palm slid through the slit of my dress, slowly crawling up my thigh.

My body jumped, and the wine glass tipped over with a clink.

Alfons: Besides, you already know...

Alfons: ...that I don't have the integrity to value manners, don't you?

Alfons looked down at me as I collapsed onto the table, laughing happily, then stood up and threw off his coat and leather gloves.

The gesture makes me forget where I am, and my body heats up.

(All day, I wanted to see you... my chest aches from longing.)

Kate: ... All day, while I was walking around town, you were all I could think about.

Kate: I kept thinking maybe I'd see you at the next place...

My longing grew so strong that I grabbed his tie and pulled him close.

The weight of him leaning over me filled me with such love that I wanted to cry.

Kate: There's no room for my old life anymore... everything is filled with you.

To be toyed with, manipulated, and then face tragedy in the end...

Kate: What's so bad about tragedy...?

Kate: I'll make you laugh so hard you'll fall over on stage—

Kate: I'll turn it into the most delightful tragedy in the world.

Alfons: ...Hehe, I see. A delightful tragedy, huh?

Alfons: If you're my dance partner, that sounds rather interesting.

Alfons: You know, Kate... In truth, today was all for this.

Memories from the night they met intertwine within their overlapping gazes.

Kate: For this...?

Alfons: Your words just now, the angry look on your face when you burst into this room,

Alfons: The anticipation that, despite being so angry, you dressed up so beautifully for our party,

Alfons: To savor the genuine love that seeps through all of that... That was my aim.

Kate: ...Nn, ah...

His naughty fingertips tickle my skin, lighting a fire in my core.

The place where he pressed his hips against, spreading my legs, was hot and throbbing.

Just like what you said… He, who seemed like an illusion slipping through my fingers, craving my love so greedily,

If he did something as foolish as this,

I'd be so happy, so filled with love, that it would hurt.

(Tell me more. Brand me deeper.)

(Your words, your heat… your truth.)

Alfons: ...Tonight, unlike last time with the cupcakes, you're not saying anything about dinner, are you?

He looked down at me with amusement as I stumbled over my words, my expectations laid bare.

Alfons: What happened to your earlier bravado? Come on, tell me.

Alfons: When two people truly love each other, what do they do... at a time like this?

My heart is pounding so hard it's hard to breathe.

Because beyond the vanished mirage, I can now see your true smile.

Kate: ...D-dinner can wait.

Kate: We... we get messy and make love, that's what.

His thin lips slowly curve into a smile.

Alfons: -Ah, good.

Alfons: Actually, the menu is full of dishes that are delicious even when they're cold.

(W-what...)

Kate: You...you planned this from the start...?

Alfons: Aha! Don't make it sound like I'm just after your body, that's not a nice thing to say.

Kate: It's half true, though...

Alfons: The other half might be sincerity, love, or something like that.

Alfons: Whatever you want to believe is the truth.

An outrageous, good-for-nothing, immoral, and unfaithful man, like a nightmare.

He hates tragedies, loves cats.

Delicious food too... and probably me as well.

That's the Alfons I know—the truth I never want to forget.

Alfons: You won't say you've reached your limit, will you?

Alfons: ...You'll entertain me more, won't you?

-

I don't know if our ending will be a tragedy or a comedy.

But that's what makes a story interesting.

The characters just believe in the ending they want and push forward.

Whether this love is a spice that makes the tragedy more cruel,

Or the key to turning it into a comedy—

The "truth" I want to believe in is already decided.

FIN

-

-

.

.

.

.

.

.

Mad Love Chapter 25 His POV

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[everybody-loves-purdy]

OK, Cinderfur was never forced into any role. She WAS told that she would probably never become a warrior (in a time period where no one was guaranteed to be a warrior because they hadn't recognized the cruelty of their systems yet.) She then spent a lot of time with Yellowfang in the medicine den that helped her grow and rediscover herself after her world suddenly changed, and was given an opportunity by Yellowfang she had never considered before. She chose to become a medicine cat.

You can read ableism undertones into it for sure, it isn't perfect, but she is never depicted as being forced to learn medicine or take the role like later cats. Nobody thought about her being a medicine cat except Yellowfang, after she witnessed how happy it made Cinder and how good she was at it. She was given an option every step of the way and that's the one she chose. Maybe insecurity played a part in it to some extent, but she is shown to be satisfied and happy with her choice.

Her own sister is living proof that just because someone said she would never be a warrior doesn't mean that statement is true. It was a statement by more orthodox cats who could not recognize the cruelty of their traditions as something that could change. And both Cinderfur and Brightheart were part of the generation led by Firestar who brought about that change by defying that cruelty and reshaping their society into a more compassionate one where cats like them are allowed the same opportunities as everyone else and aren't just thrown out as cautionary tragedies.

I know it might be difficult, after time upon time later on in the series where cats were forced to take up the role because starclan said so, but Cinderfur was never FORCED into anything. Cinderfur's path in that just happened to take her into the realm of medicine instead, which has only long after her time in the series since been boiled into a terrible cliche forced upon other cats. given the presence of deadfoot and brightheart and several others, everything from that time points to it being entirely possible for her to have become a warrior if she chose to pursue it, most certainly so by the time Firestar was leader.

It was only later narrative choices that tried to change this for the worst for plotlines that even they realized were stupid and awful, and so dropped. (Coincidentally, all done within the same period, late-tnp through tpot, that was super dense with ableism in general.) Cinderfur was not forced to be a medicine cat.

I generally agree here. It is definitely something she grew passionate about under Yellowfang’s guidance and it is something she genuinely loved and enjoyed. But I feel that the forcing issue comes from in the first place how she never seemed to get to chance attempt to see if she could still adapt and become a warrior (at least as far as the the audience sees anyway).

But yeah prior to the whole reincarnation mess Cinderpelt loved being a medicine cat and it was a path she chose herself. Yellowfang noticed her growing passion for being a medicine cat and so offered her the chance to become one, which she readily accepted of her own free will. I hate how her story was soiled on by adding the “oh she was so unhappy we just had to reincarnate her and not the countless dead kits who never got the chance to even become apprentices”

[sokkastyles]

You say you want a good faith argument but then dismiss the discussion about misogyny with "Oh you're just saying that because of any discussion of flaws that aren't fandom sanctioned." The words you use don't indicate that you are arguing in good faith. And I could tell even before you said it that you don't like Katara very much and that your attempts to "discuss" are leading in that direction. I talked about misogyny in my last post because that is what it is when Katara is expected to be nurturing but then told she is too mothering and no fun for it, expected to be moral but then told she is self-righteous for it, and then when she gets angry in the ways other characters do, told that she's out of line for it. That is misogyny and a large part of Katara's narrative conflict is about that. There can be no discussion of what you call Katara's "flaws" that doesn't acknowledge that. I did not tell you you are willfully ignorant. Up above I just assumed that you didn't know. But your negative response to being told about it does imply willful ignorance.

And might I remind you that this did not begin as a general discussion of Katara's flaws where I just threw out the word misogyny to deflect. Your original argument was that the reason Aang tried to enforce forgiveness of her mother's murderer onto her was because "that was the image she projected." The idea that a woman can't be angry about her mother's murder because she's kind and compassionate and moral elsewhere is nonsense, and it is exactly what I was referring to when I said Katara is expected to be a Madonna (and is even portrayed in a literal Madonna pose at one point in the show). It is because of misogyny that women's personalities are polarized this way, and that is even more true when it's her narrative love interest doing it in the episode. No amount of kindness or goodness Katara shows means she deserves to be told that she's a bad person if she doesn't forgive her mother's murderer. Even if she herself believes that, and I do think that on some level she does, as at the end of the show she lingers over whether she did the right or wrong thing. But that's also why it's so frustrating to see Aang and Sokka try to act like they need to be her moral compass, as if Katara already doesn't carry this burden, as if she hasn't told herself every day since she was eight that she's a bad person because her mother died in her place, or because she feels angry about what happened.

I think it's also important to understand that Katara's moral standards also come from that inner conflict within herself, the guilt and anger she feels over her mother's death.

We tend to give male characters this understanding by default, but less so with women, and it's because of misogyny.

And, honestly, I also do not think the narrative portrays her as always right. There are many places where she is right but the narrative portrays her morality in a negative way for laughs, and that comes from misogyny, too. See the repeated joke about how she was "so full of hope" in Ember Island Players. There is nothing wrong with Katara's hope, and in fact it is the catalyst for the story's start. So why is it mocked by the narrative? The answer is because it is a traditional female trait, and those are worthy of mockery. While also being the expectation. The Southern Raiders is an episode that specifically deals with Katara as a person and how her personhood clashes with the expectations put on her by others, and a lot of that does have to do with misogyny, so ask and you shall receive my answer, even if it's one you don't want to hear.

To continue the discussion re: Katara and forgiveness I have a scalding hot take. It's important for me to disclaim that I don't fault Katara for wanting revenge on her mother's killer, nor have I ever believed she was in the wrong for feeling that way. However, sometimes I think Katara is expected to be an eternally forgiving Madonna figure because that was the image of herself she herself projected. From the very start of the show she's been rather self-righteous and never had doubts about her indestructible moral compass. Her line from Spirit Lady about never turning her back on the people who need her just gave me the impression that she has a mighty big savior complex. I know most people are endeared to her for those reasons but due to my own personal tastes it had the opposite effect for me (and I'm worried I'll get some flack for saying all this). I love characters who struggle with doing the Right Thing (tm) SUE ME. And now comes a situation where she finally FINALLY has a major moral quandary. She's manufactured this image of being perpetually virtuous. But now the illusion is shattered when there's discordance between what she wants to do versus what is the right (albeit, subjectively so) thing to do. You know, something every other human on earth has struggled with and that for a while she had distanced herself from. It was refreshing to see this major conflict between her and the people in her life. I just wanted to share my two cents (and friendly reminder I acknowledge that it's a scalding hot take) and I hope my criticism of Katara doesn't evoke too much anger from the ATLA masses *Sweats nervously*

To be honest, I think it's odd to say that Katara has always portrayed herself as perpetually virtuous when she's introduced to us in the very first episode yelling about having to wash Sokka's dirty socks. Right off the bat, we are told that she is a character who does NOT accept the role of the perfect, quiet, subservient, nurturing female. That's what I mean by a Madonna figure. It's a specific term used to describe misogynistic standards placed on women. Standards Katara speaks out against, loudly and openly, in the first few seconds she is introduced.

Katara's strong sense of morals is another matter. Katara has a defined sense of right and wrong and that means she holds herself to high standards, too, but that is a big part of her moral struggle. And that's been a part of her arc since early on, too, when she ran into conflict with the earthbenders or Jet in season one because they didn't live up to her moral standards and because she didn't know what the right thing to do was when the people she expected to be the heroes wouldn't step up in the way she expected, or turned out to actually be the villains. Katara has a certain way she expects the world to be and throughout the show that ideal is constantly fighting with the reality of the world and its expectations.

But all of this also occurs because of the pressure she feels to fit a certain standard, and to say that Katara imposed this on herself is kinda ignorant of the institutional nature of sexism, to be honest. Katara may think it's her job to take care of everyone, but she was eight years old when she began to internalize that, and it didn't happen in a vacuum, it happened due to the expectations that already existed for girls to take on a motherly role plus the trauma of her mother's death.

That's one of the things about sexism. It says that girls and women need to behave a certain way, then treats that prescribed behavior like it's a natural trait instead of a learned one and makes it the subject of mockery. Katara is often treated this way by the narrative, too. And then when she acts in a way that is counter to that prescribed behavior, it's portrayed as weird or out of line, even though that part of Katara has always been present throughout the story, and in fact one of the reasons she was so angry in the Southern Raiders was because the others kept acting like she was somehow not herself instead of recognizing where her hurt was coming from.

Sorry, I find this take to be luke-warm, at best.

[swordofsun]

Wheel of Time episode 5 - Blood Calls Blood

Here be book spoilers. Just all the book spoilers. I take no responsibility for you being spoiled after this point.

I think I need to break this up via character. Possibly my favorite episode and I didn't expect to even think about throwing out the word favorite without even seeing Siuan or Min. The next three episodes are going to destroy me, I can tell already.

Rand and Matt (and Loial):

Again their story stays a bit simple, but lovely and full of foreshadowing.

Mat is increasingly paranoid which is great, but I wish we got to SEE the dagger a bit more. Like we got to see him clutching it, but it wasn't obviously the dagger.

That scene with Logain huh? They are keeping his Talet of seeing ta'veren it looks like. Seeing both Mat and Rand together must've been a trip.

At least Rand didn't climb any fucking walls here.

Rand picked up a book of Dragon Prophecies! Hell of a thing for an inn to just have on a shelf.

I know the ogre - ogier thing was for rv watchers, but it really gave a shout out to what a nerd Rand is in the books. We've all had that moment where we realize we've only ever read a word and don't actually know how to pronounce it.

Speaking of Loial I'm sad at the lack of ears, but understand the practical application was probably too hard and expensive.

Overall liked Loial, very excited about the humans and wants to make friends

Although a bit odd they kept the "chased through the city" stuff when changing the meeting to Tar Valon. Says a lot about Ogier that they aren't recognized on sight in Tar Valon of all places.

Rand recognized Dragonmount! That is both your birthplace and your grave you little ray of sunshine! I can't wait for the emotional and mental torment to really start destroying him. Not to mention the physical. (I heard Joshua was excited about the box. Can anyone confirm?)

Nyneave!:

I love that everyone was assuming the previous episode was her first time touching the One Power. Or course they haven't been spending the past month pushing her to break her block, they don't realize she has one!

Nyneave best still have her block. It's fucking important to her character.

Then we get Nyneave telling Rand about Egwene and the break breakbone fever! Her actual first Healing.

Side note I love Moraine's whole everything when Liandrin tried to suggest Nyneave might end up anywhere but the Yellows.

Nyneave's continued distrust of Aes Sedai and how little they are doing to fix that. Nyneave never fully buys into the White Tower propaganda and I love it.

The Warders:

I really liked how much time they spent on Stepin. So important to show the effect of the bond breaking, of a Warder losing their Aes Sedai.

Nyneave spending her time worrying about him and offering what comfort she can. She's been giving him sleeping tea! She told him his pain would never go away when it was exactly what he needed to hear! Such a good and compassionate healer.

I adore the deatb rituals shown. One of my favorite things about New Spring is the hints of actual spirituality RJ put in and the show expanding on that is perfect.

Alanna singing, the candles, arranging the bodies in a motherfucking circle!

"May the last embrace of the mother welcome you home." Don't mind me sobbing.

Everyone in Tar Valon knowing what an empty horse with a backwards boot meant. Such a small detail, but so good.

Warders returning their Aes Sedai's ring is such a good detail. Give them a reason to make it home and try to keep them alive.

The way all the Warders stood in quiet solidarity. I love the bits of Warder culture we got in the books and this adds to it so well.

The discussion about being chosen as a Warder and the honor in it.

How everyone was sad, but not surprised, that Stepin killed himself.

Stepin's funeral! I really like the idea that everyone morns, but one person is choosen to vocalise that grief. It takes the silly single wail we see so often in shows and movies and makes it a group expression of loss.

Moraine and Nyneave reaching for each other. I want them to be uneasy allies.

Moraine:

Between her discussion with Alanna and the funeral scene I think the groundwork for what she does with Lan's bond has been well laid. Especially because she can see how much Lan and Nyneave care for each other already.

Her shared grief with Lan. The pain and loss unique to Aes Sedai and Warders.

Her sexy silence about Siuan. I can't wait for them to finally have some scenes together.

Thought: If we're getting Min in Fal Dara it's likely Moraine has spent time with her before and perhaps been given some of Min's foretelling. Her expression during that talk with Alanna makes me wonder if she doesn't know that she'll be dying before Lan.

Egwene, Perrin, and the Tuatha'an:

I love that we got our first look at Tuatha'an dedication to non-violence at the same time as we got to see how far White Cloaks will go.

Poor Aram just left knocked out on the ground. We'll see you later!

Egwene being Egwene! This is the Eggy we know and love. Core of iron and unbreakable. Her entire discussion with Valda had me internally screaming about future Amyrlin Seats. So good.

Perrin finally told someone about Laila. That was such a good scene. He really needed to hear that it wasn't his fault.

Egwene splitting the threads! So sneaky and great!

Egwene just straight up stabbing Valda. Loved it!

Goldeneyes!

Perrin is a bit more werewolfy then in the books. I like it.

He starting to understand the wolves and realize he's been adopted.

As gruesome as it was I adore the wolves just tearing apart the White Cloak camp. Saving Young Bull and being terrifying.

Are we gonna get Elyas next episode?

This has gone on too long so final thoughts:

I heard they 3D printed a lot of the set for the White Tower and cannot fault them if true. It looks gorgeous and the sort of intricate stonework the books talked about.

Was Alanna eating an apple or a peach? I need some better screencaps because it looked like a peach and I am not okay with that.

Peaches better still be poison. I need that bit of bizarre canon.

Still got penis mountain and vigina island.

[signedaiko]

May I get an amica endura matchup for TFP/MTMTE?

I’m a proud autistic, queer, indigenous two spirit who prefers males and goes by they/them and xe/xem pronouns.

I’m 5’7 ft with brown eyes, wavy, brown hair,and tan skin. My face is heart shaped with acorn shaped eyes and a curvy, hourglass figure. I have stretch marks on my chest, hips, and belly from growth spurts and weight gain (which I fondly call my ‘lightning strikes’).

My sun sign is Gemini, my moon sign is Cancer, and personality type is INFJ.

I’m schizoaffective but I’m on the right cocktail of meds that allow me to function and have a great quality of life. That being said I’m not the least bit keen of being taken advantage of or manipulated, I shut that shit down real quick and without mercy.

Personalitywise I’m adept, intelligent, thoughtful, imaginative, creative, compassionate, intuitive but a bit dopey and blunt at times.

Towards my friends I’m attentive and warm, always finding ways to make them laugh without meaning to (I’m told it’s endearing) and encourage conversation and fun.

With my life partners( platonic, alterous, or otherwise) quality time and communication is everything! I give them gifts and always plan something fun or rejuvenating to do.

Thank you for reading this and I can’t wait to see what you think 🌈😊

You got…Ratchet + Deathsaurus!

[With TFP Ratchet] You are his serenity. In a place so full of chaos, new surprises and extravagance there is at least one person that he can rely on being the same. The Constance that keeps him from blowing a fuse. Of course, you didn't need anyone to care for you, so were didn't exactly have a charge until Ratchet offered. It was helpful to have someone specific to rely on, but neither of you often left the base. He appreciates your kindness. Maybe you aren't the most level-headed person around- but you have an understanding most lack. That's where you two get along. Never had to lecture you; in fact, YOU have lectured HIM once. It was a very extreme circumstance that now was nothing more than a chance to laugh. He plays gramps for the bots, and you play grandparent for the kids. When Miko needed a new guardian to live with, you were the one who took her up on the offer. Overall, two good friends that suck at combat but keep this place running.

~~~~~~~~~

[With MTMTE Deathsaurus] You would thrive on his ship, and I mean THRIVE. A lone human lost to space, they picked you up because Deathsaurus believed that anyone could join the crew, so long as they didn't hurt anyone. Not only did you not cause problems, but you ended up becoming the center of attention for many groups. Curiosity about the earth, humans, what a life without war looked like, your compassion and your talents. You introduced sea shanties to them; now, they sing war songs and alternated shanties together to lift up the mood, all with you leading them. Deathsaurus appreciates your leadership and open-mindedness that came with bonding to a group of mechs who could cause you all kinds of danger; you quickly became friends simply due to your care for the crew. Jokingly earned the title co-captain on the ship. Though it kind of checks out now.

———-

Authors Note - Ugh this was so much fun, you really inspired me on this one haha thank you! I had to stop myself from writing you a whole story with Deathsaures especially.

[highlyillogicalandroid]

Jew with a degree in religious studies and a rabbi for a mom chiming in! (Long addition ahead...)

I think it's important to remember that while Neil is Jewish, he's playing in a different sandbox, as it were. The angels and demons of Good Omens, and the broader institutions of which they're a part, are fully inspired by Christian tradition. Heaven doesn't work Like That in Judaism, ask 5 Jews what hell is and you'll get 10 answers, and we certainly don't have the antichrist or the second coming as part of our tradition. (We believe, broadly speaking, in the first coming of the messiah, which has yet to happen.)

What is very Jewish about the story, as the ever-amazing @actual-changeling points out, is that asking questions is good, actually! AND that learning, which arguably necessitates changing and growing as a person (or celestial being) is quite literally a mitzvah--a religious commandment (technically specific to studying Torah, but this includes a good deal of philosophy and ethics, so let's count it).

I believe that's why we as the audience are meant to empathize with Crowley. If you told a Christian, "One of the main characters is a demon from hell" with no other context, I would guess they'd immediately think that character was a Bad Guy, and they might have a much more visceral reaction to that than I as a Jew would. But Good Omens tells us that angels and demons aren't inherently good or evil. They're just very powerful beings in the midst of a conflict they have little, if any, power over.

Crowley isn't compassionate and kind in spite of being a demon. He's compassionate and kind because that's just who he is. Gabriel isn't a dick in spite of being an angel. He's a dick because he's a dick (sorry, Gabe).

What's really interesting to me about the story Neil and Terry chose to tell is that it feels like they were asking, "What if we applied the philosophy and values of Judaism to a Christian paradigm?" and then went for it. The best kind of fuck around and find out, if you will.

I also feel like, to a Jew, playing in this sandbox must be so cathartic. Christianity was born of Judaism. Heaven, Satan (literally the "opponent" or "adversary," from the Hebrew, rather than a Name), angels, demons, are all present in Jewish tradition, but in a very different way. It's a lot more nuanced than simple good and evil. For example, demons are more a folk tradition for us, kind of like ghouls, not necessarily evil but often naughty or mischievous. So reading and watching Good Omens, to me, feels almost like a reclamation of my culture.

What does that mean for G-d's role in the series? Perhaps very little. Or maybe it means everything. We'll just have to wait and see, I suppose.

I have thoughts about Good Omens that are driving me crazy. (Spoilers ahoy for season 2)

Like

Was Crowley set up for the fall? God made him with a curious nature and questioning mind, how can she then punish him for asking questions? It is part of his design. Was that her plan for him all along? The question of whether Adam and Eve were set up for the fall is a fairly big question in Philosophy, which Crowley references in season 1. I do wonder if his fall was just as planned as humanities.

Was he punished perhaps not for the questions, but because he found the answer? There are several instances where he meets angels and demons from his past and he has no idea who they are. Did he learn Gods ineffable plan, and have his mind wiped?

Or worse, does God need him as part of Her plan, as a Wild Card on Earth that will gladly work against both heaven and hell? If his fall was by design, then he has a purpose on Earth.

Is God dead? We had no narration in season 2, no voice of God essentially. We established that the angels plans were seperate to Gods ineffible plan, and that they can fall to tempation. Is Metatron moving against God, or filling a power vacuum left by God?

If Crowleys fall was planned, then was Aziraphales? Angels seem to have free will in GO (not so much in scripture though which is interesting. Maybe they dont at all in GO, just an illusion of it, which would then support the notion that Crowley and Aziraphale are supposed to work together). Together he and Crowley are more powerful then any arch angel, is that by design? Was whole point that angels and demons if they learned to work together would become more powerful than either faction? Or is it just because of how utterly in love and in sync with each other they are? Was he created to help guide Crowley, or vice versa or both. I kind of like the idea that God made them for each other.

Is this the reason Metatron wants Aziraphale? He is threatened by them as a pair, and wants to seperate them?

This is the probelm with an all powerful God and free will. How much of events are by design, and what is screwed up because angels are acting against their orders/natures? As Metatron said, people are predictable, and then he went on to play Aziraphale like a fiddle. Is that what God does too? She knows how each of her angels will behave and puts them on the path they need to be on?

I have some confusion. Sorry for the ramble. I studied Philosophy and Theology in college, and though that was a long time ago, this show has triggered something in my brain.

[jimkirkachu]

If you don't mind me saying, you should keep playing the game because once you feel better (and you WILL feel better), it feels fantastic. Once you aren't depressed anymore, life is really great. You'll feel so strong and proud of yourself for how far you've come. You'll be very happy you didn't quit. I'm sure you have a hard time believing me, but that's okay, just think about it, okay? And remember, if you want someone to talk to, I'm here. Might take a few hours to answer because of work.

Thank you dear, you are truly a sweetheart and I very very very much appreciate your kind words and encouragement. 💛💙

Sort of relevant side story, in case somebody else out there could benefit from the information: I asked my doctor about 10 months ago if I possibly had bipolar disorder, because, as I told him (and I had my mother come in to talk with him too and act as a "witness" to my testimony), I occasionally (once every few months) have days where I feel like I'm in hyperdrive/warp-nine mode, and I get a million things accomplished and I feel unstoppable and like I'm bouncing off the walls. We talked about it for a good long while, and he eventually put it in these terms:

"You aren't bipolar. Your depression is just heavy enough--and it's been that way for so long--that your brain's perception of a 'normal' day mood-wise [holding his hand halfway down his shin] is way below the average person's 'normal' [holding his other hand up by his waist]. So when you have an actually normal day and you're in an average person's normal mood [both hands at his waist], you think you're being hyper or manic because it's so much more activity and adrenaline than you're used to. If you were bipolar, your high days would be way up here [holding hand near his shoulder], and they would probably be way more frequent. Instead, it's just that those days where you feel manic are how most people feel most of the time. Your brain is so accustomed to being way down here [first hand back down near the floor again] that it interprets an actual 'normal' as 'manic.'"

I think about that conversation at least once a day. I've had such severe depression--for decades now--that I had seriously all but convinced myself I was experiencing manic episodes on the one or two days every six months or so that I get to feeling hyper and confident and like I've accomplished things. What must it feel like to have that kind of day on the average, to feel basically okay (not particularly sad or happy but just neutral) more often than you have days where you feel worthless, unloveable, and like a complete waste of space? Unfortunately, I will never know. I've run the gamut of drugs, I've had all sorts of jobs and school schedules, I'm in therapy... and nothing has fixed me so far. And I'm still going, but ever since I had that conversation with my doctor, I've been trying to figure out how to truly accept the fact that even if I live/struggle/survive until I'm a wretched old 120-something, I will never know what it's like to feel happy/decent and productive on a regular basis. It simply isn't in my brain's biological capabilities, even with the crutches of counseling and prescription medication.

So... I'm still playing for now. But I have no idea if or when it might all just be 'game over' for me. Thank you so much, though, @yourea--stubborn--man , you are far, far kinder and more compassionate than I deserve. 🖖🏼💜

(I really am sorry to be such a downer on main, and to have been such a butthead here for the last few months. I just got my living will and POAs signed and filed last week, so I've been having even more morbid thoughts than usual lately. It's not an excuse, I know, but I'm hoping it paints a clearer picture.)

[books--andt]

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas Review!

Hey Bookies!

The Hate U Give is an important book. It deals with REAL events that have happened in the past, are happening today, and will sadly, most likely continue to happen in the future.

It follows Starr Carter, a sixteen year old black girl who lives in a poor black neighbourhood but attends a higher class private school mostly populated by white people.

Starr is at a party in her neighbourhood when she runs into her long-time childhood friend, Kahlil. Her and Kahlil reconnect and drive off once the party gets violent and rowdy. As they are driving home, a white policeman pulls them over. After asking Kahlil to exit the car, he shoots Kahlil. Starr is the sole witness and knows the true story; Kahlil was unarmed; Kahlil was non-violent; Kahlil was murdered. But Starr has a weapon--her voice. It her choice to decided if she is to indeed use it.

The synopsis of this book dragged me right in. Not only that, but that fact that is is being transformed into a movie with Amanda Sternberg playing Starr had me running RIGHT in. I can't wait!!

I really appreciate the choices Angie Thomas made with this book. I read in an interview that she calls this an "unapologetic black girl story" and it certainly is just that. There are no restraints to the realism in this story, or the emotions that Starr is facing. It's important to not have limits when discussing a topic that is serious, or one that you are passionate about. I commend Angie Thomas for doing so.

While I had a difficult time relating to this story, being that I am white, and haven't been in the same scenarios that Starr has been in, not just with the murder of her friend but also with living in her neighbourhood and attending a fancy-ass school. I did however relate to the family relationships. I LOVE books that have strong, compassionate, relationships between families and friends. I loved how supportive her mother was, and how in love her parents were. I loved how her family has each others backs, and this is something I really related to as my family is the same.

If you are teetering between reading THUG or not I recommend you do. It's insightful, heartbreaking, and hopeful all at the same time. Perhaps it will inspire you to speak up for what you believe in. I know it inspired me.

***SPOILER thoughts below!***

Another choice I really enjoyed Angie made was the fact that Starr's uncle Carlos is a cop. It would be easy for Starr to get angry, and blame every cop, and assume that they are all racist and bad people. But because her uncle was a cop, it made her stop and think, maybe they aren't all bad. She trusts her uncle, she loves her uncle, and this gives her hope. I also really liked Chris as a character. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't imagining him as Nick Robinson ;) I liked how he accepted Starr for who she was--who she truly was. He could joke with her, and he stood by her in all the hardships she faced. When she wanted to have sex with him and he stopped her because he said she wasn't feeling right... Points for being a good boyfriend/human being! I also think that him being white and doing these things were intentional. Especially since Starr looses her friend Hailey, who is white. Chris shows her that she isn't betraying her blackness by being with him, and that he can care just as much as any other person.

I also appreciate the ending because it is REAL. This story and the way it was told has the reader RILED UP and wanting that police officer thrown in jail for murder. But it doesn't happen. He isn't convicted and it makes you mad! It shows the reality; how a horrific event like this can effect not just one person, but communities, and families, and the world! It shows that even if you stand up for what you believe in, things may not always go your way. But that doesn't mean you stop fighting. You rebuild. And you fight. Over and over.

This story was sad. But it didn't really hit me until the end of this book. Starr and her family are at their dads burnt down store, helping clean up and Starr is thinking about how it would be easy to quit fighting for a better ending if this situation only involved her and Kahlil and the cop. But it doesn't. And she names her brothers, Seven and Sekani, her friends, Kenya and Devante. And she proceeds to list the names of REAL black people who have been shot by policemen. This is where the hurt started for me. Because this is where the fictional parts of the book struck with reality. The first name Starr lists is Oscar, and I apologize for not remembering his last name, but I read an interview with Angie and she said that the death of Oscar, killed by a white police officer, is what first inspired her to write this book. The list continues and I even recognize some names like Trayvon Martin. At the end of the list she says it's messed up that there are even more, and it truly is. Way to throw a punch at the end of a book and make you think/reflect.

Like I said, I've never read anything like THUG before. I'm not much for a rap music person, so I didn't even know that Tupac had given THUG it's acronym. Heck, I didn't even know it had an acronym! Haha! But life is about learning, and I've always been interested in other peoples outlooks on life, and learning about different cultures and communities. I'll definitely read more books by Angie Thomas!

4/5 stars. Thoughts on this book??? ALSO what should I read next?? My heart has been torn about recently, first by ACOWAR and now THUG... I think I need to read something more happy and... fluffy haha.

Thanks for reading!

- T

[baenxietydad]

@davidhatter

Mu-yeol did not need to be a mind-reader to know that this information was shifting Hatter's perception of him, he could see it on his face. That itself was enough to make him want to close the book on the topic; that look on his face, like he was looking at a pitiful man now, Mu-yeol hated it. It was the only way the pixies in the Daegu Hollow looked at him before he fled, and how they looked at him in Enchantra at first.

Still, he supposed he should rip the bandaid off and just. Tell Hatter every horrible thing. Wasn't that best?

He looked down at his feet and gripped the handle of the basket of foraged plants tight.

"Um, well. After So-yeon died, Nam-min and I moved in with my family in the Daegu Hollow. I was basically useless as a father those first few months. My mother and siblings took care of him while I just kind of...I mean I helped, he was very attached to me as a toddler so I more or less was always there but it was my sister making sure we both ate, my middle brother giving him baths, my mother playing with him. It was like my nightmares had nightmares, and they didn't stop when I was awake. To say I was miserable, that would be an upgrade to the state I was in." Mu-yeol chuckled bitterly. "When you do hear about people surviving horrible things like attempted murder, right, you hear about their story after they've, like, healed or whatever. After they're so grateful to be alive and want to inspire everyone else to not give up or some bullshit. But for me, at the time, it was months of absolute hell. It felt like my life would never be better and I was sure I would never know a good night's sleep, or smile, or feel anything again. I loved my son and knew my family loved me, but like, that's not always enough to make someone want to be alive."

He imagined Hatter could gather what happened next from that but he decided to just say it anyway.

"I did attempt suicide, and almost succeeded. My middle brother, Jun-ha? He's also a healing talent. He, um. Well, I'm alive because of him. He tried to keep it between the family but word got out anyway...and for fairies, suicide is one thing you don't do. You don't even consider it, you aren't supposed to interfere with the natural cycle of life and death like that and instead of people being compassionate about it, it's really quite shameful. Your family is embarrassed. I endured months of people looking at me like they were both sorry for me and horrified about what I'd done. The gossip. It all made it worse. My wife's mother -- and we've established she hated me, right? -- found out and told me that if I had the audacity to live instead of her daughter, at least I shouldn't have botched my suicide. But most importantly she threatened to take my son and raise him herself. And that's the last thing my son needed, to be raised by her, because--"

He cut himself off, then bit his lip. Should he tell him about Nemo's wing? He wanted to, because parents confided in their friends about their children. At the same time it was important Hatter understand that this was privileged information, even if any fairy in fairy size could see Nemo's wings.

"Nemo was born a few weeks too early. As a result, one of his wings is underdeveloped. You can't let him know that you know, he'd be very embarrassed about it. Fairies can be so cruel about it, especially my former mother-in-law. I had to protect him from her, you understand, right? So for that reason, and everything else, I came here. And, yeah. That's...the tragic backstory. You've unlocked all the bits that make me sound pitiful and sympathetic."

Some of the choices he made next...not so much.

He looked up at Hatter. "I probably would have had a better outcome for my own mental health had I stayed in Daegu, with my family and friends, my support system. But my son deserved to grow up somewhere safer. And the way everyone looked at me..." he frowned at Hatter's expression. "Like that. Except it was an entire Hollow of fairies. I hated it."

Live Laugh Lexapro || Hatfish

@davidhatter