#these people will have me feeling like its my fault im miserable because it was wrong of me to want to be sentient and real

[buwheal]

We can't hear it Spam, but it's real to you. I get auditory hallucinations a lot, and usually what helps me is a distraction. Maybe... name 5 things you can see? Or make paper airplanes with old messages, or draw some pictures. Otherwise, I'm sure someone has a crossword or story they can send you to help you out!

[tonycamonte]

[garpond]

I don't even want much id choose to live if someone could promise me I'll at least be okay and get by on my own but it looks like there's no way to go that isn't miserable and it eats at me! Why was I born just to watch other people have lives without ever wondering what it would be like if they didn't get the chance to join society properly. What's the point of that. What use is there to me being alive. It's just obnoxious to me, like. Who created me just to give me to someone else like property. If I was born to be my mother's lifeless object why did they need to give me the added mental pain of a brain that revolts against the very idea. Making me want what I can't ever have was just cruel and it's that that makes me want to give up most of all.

[this-guy-is-insane]

How do i stop traumatizing people by being myself

How do i stop ruining people

How do i stop being

Bad

[nt3000s]

im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it

[carrotpiss]

This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading

[yellowhearther0]

fucking. whatever honestly

[correctthroam]

I read THROAM for the first time in ~5 years. Here's what I have to say.

Volume I: There was so many characters I forgot about when going into the fic. Pete, Jac, Spencers family. I cant believe I forgot them. Pete will always be a fave because everyone hates him and it makes me laugh. The first volume was always my 2nd favorite, I think it still is. overall, the storyline isn't complicated and I like that. Ryan is such an asshole so I dont feel bad for him one bit in any of the fic. Also, I used to say that the bus crash was Brendons fault (I was 13, okay?) But Ryan was just an unstable motherfucker who truly should not be trusted to drive a vehicle of any kind.

Volume II: holy shit. I hate volume two. Not saying the writing is bad but Jesus Christ, Ryan is an asshole. bro literally stalked Brendon after he ran into him at that party like what? I had messaged a friend after finishing volume 2, saying "I'm a really nice person I never wanna make people feel sad, let alone make a whole fictional story about someone being severely depressed and unstable whilst chasing a boy then fucking his bf at the end???" and I think that perfectly sums up how I feel (and always felt) about volume two. other than the fact that I used to say that it was Brendons fault. (I was 13. THIRTEEN) it wasn't his fault. Some parts were, yeah, but it's hard to pinpoint everything that happened on one person. at the end of the day, its a good story I just Hate it (does that make sense) I love it but I hate it? it remains my least favorite purely for the pain it put me through.

Volume III: I love this volume. I always have. Sisky is amazing, we all love Sisky. I will say the iconic song/album references/jokes made me cringe a bit, though. Im not exactly sure what about this fic I always liked so much, I guess you can really see Ryans character growth and finally not be as much as a miserable fuck (he's still unstable dw) Since Ryan is less insufferable, it makes the volume more enjoyable. I like that Spencer and Ryan became friends again, I think it makes the book more enjoyable and tbh I think Spencer rly tied vol 3 together, if he wasn't part of it it would lowk suck. overall, best volume cant wait to host the throam tour where we go to hotel Chelsea then machias.

final thoughts: if I thought throam was 100% good when I was 13, Id say now that I think throam is about 85% good now. (does that make sense pt 2) this fic has sent me back into being 13 and I have been blasting some pretty. odd. (im listening to it rn as im typing this) and listening to this album just makes my life feel more simple. still a solid fic, I think it would be an amazing published book. and I think we can all agree that it would be amazing to see THROAM movies (in our dreams)

Thanks for reading lol

[bunnakit]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

[yipperkitty]

pinned

Quinn the Felicanis Transirius (catdog) (he/him)

(added nipple pasties to the nude version cos i like the aesthetic lmao i don’t normally do that)

this is my trans fursona!!! :D make all your fursonas trans do it right now /nf

Quinn is so me, i really hope i stick with this fursona (i have a tendency to make like 10 in one sitting and draw none of them again lmao)

backstory under cut (warning for mentions of transphobia, neglect, idk if abuse is the right word? but quinn’s. um. “parents” are not the best :/ theres also some like,,, denial? like “im overreacting, everything’s fine” that type of thing. let me know if there are other warnings i should add!)

Quinn is half cat half dog as a result of genetic engineering and manipulation. basically he’s a lab rat created by two scientists, a cat and a dog, who combined their own genes to make him. in essence, he is their son

his purpose is lost on him, and he often feels as though he only exists because someone wanted to prove something, but now that its been proven, hes neglected by those who gave him life

well, one of them neglects him. but he’s pretty sure it’s because he came out as trans. the other tries to understand him and fails miserably

is it his fault he wants to run away… find people who will understand him ,,

but maybe he’s overreacting. he sometimes feels like he is. after all, the scientists are doing what they can, they’ve never raised a hybrid before. he’s unpredictable, of course they’d have issues raising him. raising anyone is hard enough work, but he doesn’t quite behave like a cat OR a dog. there are times when the traits present themselves (he loves chewing on things like a dog, and he purrs like a cat when he’s happy) but despite the similarities he sees between him and his creators, he still feels like he's alone in this world

and they let him do what he wants for the most part, he has freedom. if anything they might be happy to see him go

they’re doing what they can, he just wishes it felt like enough

hahaaa can yall tell this is kinda metaphorical 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

[fleapit]

“No one is saying gender is a choice”

https://www.tumblr.com/genderkoolaid/752910129568055297/we-should-start-having-the-gender-talk-with-our

They quite literally are. Though. As well as identities, treating as them as if they’re just toppings you pick and choose rather than descriptors that have minimal criteria. Calling yourself ftm because you “like the label” and being ftm bc you have sex dysphoria and wish to/try to/are transitioning to a more male body are two incredibly different things, you don’t “choose your gender” you simply are a gender, and the “progressive trans people” (ie people co-opting this for whatever reason, to feel special mainly) pushing this idea are fucking over actual trans people to a fucking giant degree.

dude im going to be so honest with you, youve been in and out of my inbox for three days and it's kind of weird that you keep refreshing my blog to send me asks about this still. that is NOT what the post you linked is talking about and you need to work on your reading comprehension. that post is talking about how we should make it EASIER FOR KIDS TO COME OUT AS TRANS because gender identity is fluid and is something that they can change, which a transphobic society tells them is impossible. fuck, dude.

literally nobody is saying that being trans is a choice. but fucking honestly man, even if it was, why do you care? it doesnt affect you. i mean this in the nicest way possible but if someone does/doesnt experience dysphoria, how they identify, what their personal feelings are on THEIR presentation and their gender? that's just none of your business! and you don't get to go around demanding to know every little bit of someones traumatic experience- or lack there of- to decide if they're 'trans enough' or not.

nobody is pretending to be trans to feel special dude. thats right wing propaganda bullshit that you've fallen for. you just dont know their life and you are not the fucking authority on it. your experience will never ever be 1:1 with someone else and you can't decide that yours is the superior one to have. you don't get to decide that someone isn't trans just because their identity doesn't make sense to you. fucking grow up.

someone else's joy is not obliterating yours. it's not a random trans person on the internet's fault that you have dysphoria. stop blaming other people for your problems when they're struggling just as much as you. you aren't entitled to the details. move on with your life and MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY instead of trying to make OTHERS just as miserable as you are, because no matter how much complaining you do, someone isn't going to just STOP being multigender or STOP being a trans man and a woman or STOP being nonbinary just because YOU DECIDED it wasn't real and they were 'faking for attention'

honestly. we're all just trying to pay our fucking bills. it doesn't fucking matter to the people trying to murder us if you're a binary trans man good perfect ideal tranny who passes 100% or a multigender fagdyke they/its 'pick-me attention seeker' - THERE ARE NO GOOD QUEERS IN THEIR EYES, AND THEY WANT US DEAD. i think that takes priority.

just mind your fucking business and you'll find yourself a lot fucking happier. good lord.

[sparrowmoss]

the acolyte episode 3 livetweet post SPOILERSSSSSSS

curious to know why the little girls playing young osha and mae are not identical twins. just an interesting choice when u have the same person playing the adults so obviously they are identical

NIGHT SISTER?????

oh no we’re about to find out the bad stuff

oh my god their mother is the coolest looking woman ive ever seen

okay not a night sister just a zabrak. and this zabrak is their other mom. so why did they call her koril and not also mom or something

OH MY GODDDDD YESSSSSS YES YES YES GETTING TO SEE OTHER FORCE WIELDING PRACTICES!!!!!!!! YES YES YES YES YES

witches… so… Maybe a night sister thing. maybe just other witches

osha i love you. you are so great and i relate to you so bad it makes me feel ill

FUCK this is so cool

ABIGAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dude the wookiee has a part shaved head thats so cool

ohhh it is mother koril. okay!

oh my god the actual. hypocrisy of this. the jedi. im Laughing this is so unbelievable. no ones allowed to have children and raise them in their own force sensitive practices that can only be done by the jedi

“the jedi do not take children” LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

what you’re doing is wrong but i love you sol

sol what are you doing man

oh

man im so fucking mad at both sides. why do none of you want to give these children their own choice. it should be up to them what they want to do. mae should be allowed to stay with her mothers and osha should be allowed to learn about her other options and not be forced to take the same path as her sister

oh now mother aniseya says “osha wants to do it” which i am glad for

“she is old enough to know what she wants” so true!

hm. mixed feelings on this. i think koril should get just as much say if shes their other mom but she is still wrong on this

torbin is sooooo cute oh my god

LMAKSJSKFJKSD OSHA failing at lying 😭😭😭😭

oh dude im gonna cry. “there are other children there?” godddd what a miserable life

appreciate the rejection of destiny and saying you make your own choices. just on a personal level

them both cryinf is making me tear up i dont like this

mae what the fuck dude

dude whats even catching on fire its a room made of stone and metal

WHAT is GOING ONNNN that little fire didnt do all this did it

watching sol become attached in real time right here

THATS THE END???? man i…. im…. hmmm… i expected the jedi to have done something quite bad. but a child with codependency issues set fire to her entire town because these people and her mothers potentially intended to let her sister choose her own path. i really thought it was going to have been the jedis fault. the only thing they did that i take issue with is indaras initial implication that no one other than the jedi are allowed to train anyone to wield the force. but it seems like in the end the jedi were also going to give osha the choice whether or not to come with them….????

[leolaroot]

mental illness that says i should suffer forever bc when im suffering nothing pisses me off as much as seeing people who arent suffering. and i feel like if im ever in a position where i can Get Better it would be a betrayal and id just be becominng one of those people i resented . and that feels so hypocritical and awful and selfish . but i know in my mind that its not other peoples fault if im miserable so its unhealthy of me to do be hateful to my friends and peers just because theyte happier than me. because people should be allowed to be happy and if im a good person then i should WANT people to be happy. but for years now ive been like literally incapable of having a conversation with someone who is living a better (perceived based on specific and bullshit metrics) life than me. this is the fifty millionth post ive made trying to express the same thought it all comes down to i can nevwr ever have sex again bc if someone tried to proposition me i would start tearing off my skin and screaminf qt the top of my lungs and trying to kill them. because they shouldve made that offer three years ago before i started pickling my brain in a jar full of poison and rat piss

[internet-overdosed]

What's the point of living? like, genuinely. All i do is wake up, dread the day, power through the day, and then go home and go to sleep.

There's not much to it, I'm not smart, i never study even though i want to, and when i do get the motivation to study i never actually remember anything. I'm a below average student, no one in my family would be proud of that.

I have classmates who consider themselves my friends but honestly i feel no connection towards them. People online are a similar story, i do care about them though. Sometimes i love someone so much it flips a switch in my brain and i start hating them or i start being so scared of them that i cry whenever i even see their name.

I have no one, and no one has me. I'm in a constant cycle of loneliness but its no ones fault other than my own.

I don't have talents, i suck at everything. And even in the things i have skill in, its never enough, im always worse than the people around me. Art, music, dance, everything.

I'm ugly, im overweight, im just a fly that happened to land on an incomplete masterpiece. a fly that dies from being trapped in the drying paint.

I have a terrible personality, a personality i steal from the people around me. And right now ive stolen it from someone who didnt care for me or my friends and deeply hurt them.

I've hurt so many people. People who loved and cared for me. I've abandoned so many people. I myself am scared of abandonment, which is why i leave people first. Which is something i didnt even notice about myself until my best friend (who i later abandoned) pointed it out.

When i try to make friends or talk to people i always mess it up and say the wrong thing, they always end up hating me or thinking i hate them and i just dont know what to do anymore.

I'm always sad and lonely and i just wanna die. I don't even deserve to feel that way cause ive had a pretty good life.

My mom tried her best, she had a fucked up life and turned into a fucked up person. She tries her best though. She deserves better than some rat child who hates her because her best just wasnt enough apparently. sure, i live in a room where theres no space cause theres trash everywhere, i have to share a bed with my mom, but thats nothing compared to everyone elses issues.

My life doesnt matter, its just a cycle of pain i put myself through.

I just want one person i can love and who loves me back, thats all. Thats all i want before i end my miserable little life.

[somedeadbeatloz3r69]

vent

tw, suicide, self harm, emotional abuse

i just wanna kill myself dude. I cant live normally knowing someones controlling my life and judging every move, controlling every single fucking thing i do. its not even MY life. its hers. i just wanna kill myself and end it, be free of the pain. it feels like she doesnt even treat me like a person. im HER fucking KID. she calls me miserable and terrible and saying IM the one who ruins the night. I want to love her and I do, but she controls my life. she doesnt give a shit about me or my feelings sometimes. i didnt ASK to be brought into this world. she makes me feel so fucking terrible about myself to the point where i might even cut myself because I feel I did something wrong. I dont wanna live this life. threatening to release my lizards into the backyard and take me out of school n move to a state i dont wanna move to is just too much. it doesnt help with her not knowing i have autism. (self diagnosed, I did ALOT of research) everything is js so much and i hate it, i dont wanna put up with this anymore if im just gonna have more bad moments then good. i feel miserable and i feel selfish and ungrateful and i hate me so much because of her, and i hate me even more for feeling like im 'victimizing' myself and people have gone through alot worse. this is terrible. im terrible. part of me knows its not me and its not my fault and im just a kid with autism, but another part of me hates me so much for 'everything ive done' im so sick and tired and ill mentally and i just wanna kill myself atp. i dont want to be in her control like a fucking puppet dude. every. single. move. is controlled. the worst part about this, is that I know if she read this she'd just laugh and probably slap me and tell me shit like im ungrateful and the worst kid anyone could have. she wouldnt cry or apologize. i dont feel like her kid. i feel like a stranger. her co-worker. the type she comes home complaining about and calling a bitch. hell dude, she talks better about her co-worker that she hates than me

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hey ari!!! hope ur doing super well <33 i dropped by to ask u a few things…….

let me know whenever u find the time to read my gojo fic… i made a few revisions over time and i’d rlly love to hear ur thoughts o valued gojo lover ;; its become very important to me , but no pressure :33

AND. need ur most brainrotting thoughts about sashishu por favor. for. research. yeah… research 🙇‍♂️

riko !!!! i hope ur doing super super well urself, im doing just fine <33 trying to finish this fic im writing so i can (hopefully) post it today pshjdh BUT its going good so far !!

i know i alr said it but !! i am so so excited to read ur gojo fic !! if i dont have time today then i will tmrw 🙏🙏 cant wait to rb it w a huge rant i took a lil peek at it n i can already tell its gonna be so good….

AND RIKO. tysm i appreciate u like no other, ive been waiting for a chance to rant abt my Absolute Beloveds……… this might get long im sorry but sashisu make me. genuinely insane

OK SO. just generally speaking…… to me, the biggest sashisu appeal is just. how grounded they are. to me. i feel like both jjk trios are very realistic but in different ways!!

like. the 2018 trio are just !! good friends and they care for each other and they have fun together. AND most importantly; they can be open w each other !! like all three of them are a lillll closed off and obviously traumatized but they can still be sincere with one another. yuji talks openly w both megumi and nobara, megumi’s whole arc revolves around him getting comfortable with the idea of leaning on others and being saved by others, and nobara’s whole character hinges on her just being unabashedly herself.

AND I LOVE THEM i really do but sashisu r just so….. different and also similar and they feel so real to me even though theyre all insane in the head.

because contrary to the 2018 trio, theyre all sort of. Cunts pshjdhd. LIKE. high school satoru is a brat and he thinks he can make friends by being a bully and hes kind despite that but hes also sooo infuriating, and suguru acts like hes better but hes rly not. theyre both assholes. same w shoko!! shes literally out here casually underage smoking and all three of them get in trouble n then blame it on each other n its just…. theyre just so fun. they bully each other but u can TELL theres love there.

and the greatest difference between the 2018 and 2006trio is that the former can be open with each other, but the latter cant. sashisu are doomed as a trio because theyre all so closed off and traumatized and repressed and they will never be as sincere with each other as yuji/megumi/nobara are.

and to me, thats the main reason why suguru defects !! not that its their fault, but the fact that they didnt notice — or maybe the fact that they DID notice but didnt know how to broach the subject — is the one factor that makes his defection almost unavoidable to me. because his best friends, his most loved people, were never the type to be vulnerable like that. and neither was he !!

theyre just so DOOMED riko….. suguru couldnt open his heart to satoru or shoko, satoru didnt notice suguru’s silence bc he was too busy making himself strong enough to protect them, and we dont know how shoko felt but she obviously didnt do anything even if she did notice smth was off. neither of them saw how much suguru was suffering, and suguru was extremely depressed and isolated and never once gave them the chance to help him.

the three of them just werent the type to have heartfelt conversations in the same way the other trio does, and i think sashisu just… figured they didnt need to. that they had that bond together and that it would always be enough. bc all three of them have these incredible powers that make them isolated and kind of miserable, but they were able to be kids only when they were together. during that one year, they got to feel that slice of normalcy and genuine friendship.

and then they lost it !! and shoko and satoru both regret it !!! and they were never able to hate suguru, and he was never able to hate them, even at the very end !!! and the thing that always breaks me is that its just so, so evident that they all loved each other. but it wasnt enough !! and i think thats such a …. grounded and real depiction of how it can be to love someone who’s ill, or traumatized, while you yourself are ill or traumatized. and you might love each other, and it might still not be enough. but the fact that the love was there still matters.

they were three child soldiers who only found comfort in each other, and they all crumbled under the weight of the world but even at the very end they still loved each other.

and for sashisu, that love never disappeared — both shoko and satoru became more responsible after suguru left, and together theyre able to protect so many of the students and their coworkers. and theyre still traumatized and arguably even MORE repressed but the two of them still stick together, and theres a comfort in knowing theyll always have that. (im ignoring the current manga arc its not canon to me idc)

THIS IS ALREADY SO LOONNGG i just. i ADORE them. theyre so good. but !! if we’re moving past just general analysis of them then !! i love to think abt…. sashisu x reader……. maybe one day ill finish my sss x reader series psjdjdj but !!!

i just think itd be such a fun n comfortable dynamic ?? bc they all complete each other in a way…. satoru is just kinda hyper n cuddly n sweet, n suguru is calm and teasing n warm…. and shoko is so chill but also so caring and . i Need them. all of them r so gorgeous i would fall to my knees and cry if i just saw them relaxing by the couch.

i feel like a reader dynamic w them would just be the four of u living together and spending the rest of ur lives doing the same things u did in high school….. going to karaoke n getting in trouble and eating food . etc etc. maybe getting a couple cats…. and a bunch of plants that would all die if it werent for suguru pshjdjs.

in conclusion they make me feel ill <3

(also riko…. pls read the pink lighter by nosferatui, its a sashisu fix-it time travel fic and its one of my favorites ever !! i still havent finished it but its complete and it genuinely changed my life the writing is so good it hurts)