#these people never fucking acknowledge im trans or that trans people exist and act like its some fucking favour or ally shit

[butch-bakugo]

Its not a shock to me that most "transandrophobia doesn't exist" people are trans women, mostly white trans women. They have a very specific image of what a trans man looks like and it's only two categories: the hyper fem, tits out, make up, twink trans man who doesn't pass nor try to and the hyper masculine, bearded, t'd up, all the surgeries, big buff trans man who you could never clock. They genuinely think every "transandrophobia truther" is lieing about not getting privileges they don't fucking have.

They genuinely believe every trans man passes and therefore we get male privilege and they get backed up by trans men who do pass and think a cis man making rape jokes with them and asking about their lift set is male privilege. Lemme shatter the illusion because as much as you like to scream about some wide spread privilege that doesn't exist, most trans people, in general, do not pass. This is especially true for trans men due to the hyperfocus society puts on feminine features. I have never met a fully passing trans man and I've met over a hundred personally irl. never. I know they exist but the fact y'all think we, en masse, get male privilege is factually just fucking wrong.

Trans men are not more acceptable or palatable to transphobes. Trans men are not more likely to pass. Trans men in mass do not get male privilege by virtue of our lack of passing and our medical history. Most trans men are still affected by the gender pay gap and thus can not afford surgeries.

You do not acknowledge the existence of non-passing trans men, only uphold the voices of trans men who pass and have the money for surgeries (a small percentage) then wonder why trans men laugh in your face when you make claims about male privilege we do not experience.

We are more likely to be conversionally raped than you. We are more like to be forcibly detransioned than you. We are more likely to experience domestic violence than you. We are more likely to experience hate crimes than you.

Trans men's hyper visibility in online spaces dose not transfer to real life visibility. You are more likely to see white cis gay men and white trans women in any media or ever mentioned than even white cis lesbians or white trans men. Your rhetoric is the origin of the "theyfab" myth. Our issues are invisible to you cause you do not care about other trans people besides yourself and other transfems. Everyone and their trans mother knows about transmysogny and the issues you personally face yet you expect trans men to be silent about their issues and feel like they should be silent because they are men. Trans men are more likely to experience litterally all forms of violence over trans women in every single avenue of violence that exists; religious, sexual, domestic, familial, etc. We are more likely to be stopped and abused before we socially transtion than anyone else due to hyper vigilance of society over afabs. You can scream all you'd like about how we only bring up our sex/the gender we are often raised as when it's convenient but you always ignore those often traumatizing experiences when it's convenient for you.

Many Transmascs and trans men had a traumatizing upbringing because society views us as "bad women" and " bad women" get treated so much worse and by many more angles than "bad men" specifically because we were forcibly assigned as women. You take advantage of a lack of nuance in the community by trying to group us with cis men specifically because you group yourself with cis women. News flash, neither of us and our experiences should be grouped with ANY cis group because we do not have cisgendered experiences.

I seriously think you think you are the most oppressed group in the trans community and you are not, not by a long shot. You are not the most oppressed group in the transgender community and that's a statistical fact. The most oppressed group, by far, are two spirits and cultural genders by virtue of them being inherently indigenous and indigenous people being the most oppressed race of people in the community regardless of the location they are indigenous to.

You are literally taking advantage of the things that were drilled into transmascs at a young age to be seen and not heard and to be quiet and let others talk, that they are lesser than everyone. Everyday there's a new story in the community of a cis man or a trans woman getting a trans man/masc pregnant to hurt them or force them off t or to detransion, this is not a fucking accident. You are not men, no one ever said you were, but you sure love to silence them like they do.

I'm not quiet, you do not intimately know our issues the same way we do not intimately know yours, You don't get to tell us what we do and don't experience and the fact you'd rather cry wolf and suspiciously call us "bitches" than hear us out, tells me everything i need to know. That alt right to trans woman pipeline you said you escaped? Yeah, you didn't. Ur just an alt right trans woman, Try Again.

[yippie-madness]

i hate cis people

[ovisiphorus]

Will be happy when ppl finally realize it’s okay and not inherently transmisogynistic to acknowledge that, like there are trans masc individuals who do legit hate trans fems, there are trans fem individuals who legit HATE trans mascs, we as a “community” will be able to do something productive.

Going “trans ppl, stop fighting, we’re on the same side uwu” in the face of people blatantly saying “trans mascs dont have real problems and if they do, no they don’t. I don’t give a shit about them” is patronizing and NOT helpful.

The issue is that people just really don’t seem to think this kind of behavior about trans mascs is actually much of a big deal. Especially since it’s such a minority of people doing. But these posts and sentiments get turned into discourse that lasts days and weeks and makes existing as a trans masc terminally fucking aggravating. It has long since bled out into REAL LIFE, too! Real live queer spaces! EVEN CIS PEOPLE WHO CLAIM TO BE HIP TO TRANS ISSUES! THEY’LL SAY ALL THE “RIGHT” THINGS THEN BE ANTI TRANS MASC BASED ON THESE SENTIMENTS! And you can’t even really complain about it because people will hyper scrutinize you and misconstrue you even when you’re a completely normal person who is just reasonably complaining about being tired of seeing things posted intentionally to hurt you.

And the worst part is, a lot of times it’s other trans mascs who do this weirdo attack dog shit! I know trans fems are NOT asking these guys to post like “if i even think you’re being bad, im tossing you in the toilet” or whatever. That’s them clearly struggling with the internalized trans masc hatred that the queer community loves encouraging and society fosters that discourages us from actually packing up and banding together or bonding (and thus comparing notes re: how weirdly we are treated by other people cis and trans alike and realizing something’s up). Which is why I’d NEVER suggest or wish trans fems started trying to hyper police themselves because of this shitty ideology some of them have.

You can only watch people get smeared as “theyfabs” and told they’re “failing at masculinity” for [being trans] or being made fun of for how they dress/act/listen to, ect whatever the fuck for the crime of “being cringe” to these people, FELLOW TRANS PEOPLE EVEN, so many times before it just gets to be exhausting old news.

[larnax]

ok im not strong enough. hater mode activate.

im only so angry about this because its the first time ive ever seen bottom surgery even mentioned in a fandom context and its to shit on it. im gpnna turn into the joker

easy to DIY" this is dumb for the same reason "DIY wheelchair ramps" are dumb. gcs and making hrt both take skill and knowledge the average person does not have. DIY hrt saves lives and is many peoples' only option i am not disagreeing with that but its not your buddy brent making it in his bathtub its someone who has the medical knowledge who just isnt operating in an official capacity. you cannot do it Yourself unless you want to end up injecting olive oil. this is even more true for surgery. do you think you could perform a DIY vaginectomy????? have at least a baseline respect for the people who developed gcs procedures and the people who perform them

"leaves scars" every non op trans person owes me $500USD. i am so fucking tired of people who never bothered to address their internalized ableism/transphobia about ew yuck icky scars making that my problem by loudly announcing how disgusted they are by an extremely normal part of the human experience. there is nothing wrong with having visible scarring and there is nothing wrong with surgical scarring and acting like there is provably makes people avoid procedures that would unambiguously improve their lives

"certain procedures can be risky" aw cmon bud we all know which procedures you mean! pretty please keep fearmongering about how risky bottom surgery is otherwise someone might decide to actually get a surgery which has an extremely normal success rate for surgeries. yes they make you sign a bunch of forms acknowledging the risk thats called Informed Consent and 90% of the complications are true for literally any surgery or literally any surgery on the urethra/genitals. bottom surgery is not some uniquely dangerous procedure

"implants and bottom surgery highly imperfect" every non op trans person owes me $1000USD. would you say this about any other aspect of transition? is there any fucking room in your head for the fact that postop trans people actually exist in real life and could possibly see you talking about how disgusting you find them? because im 1) real and 2) fucking your mother with my Imperfect Dick right now

"doesnt leave scars/looks completely natural" every non op trans person owes me $1500USD. this stupid fucking idea people have that The Natural Body is 1) even a thing and 2) something we should aspire to or protect is so wildly transphobic and ableist that it, too, turns me into the joker. would you say this to an amputee? to someone who had an organ transplant? because people do and its the same bullshit. the right to bodily autonomy includes the right to alter your body! i dont fucking care if i Look Natural(although its worth noting that most people cant actually tell fully healed phallo dicks and natal dicks apart. i went to a urologist and he only realized i was postop when i told him) and it should not be treated as an unambiguously good thing.

LIKE EVEN THE FUCKING DOCTOR IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE MEDICAL BOTTOM SURGERY. olberic had an "averse reaction to medicine" <- directly against canon where he can be healed fine WHOLESALE INVENTED just so that we minimize the amount of people who could theoretically have phalloplasty

also youre lying to yourself and more importantly me if you think ophilia has any medical knowledge whatsoever shes literally a faith healer who cant even deal with poison

like ok "a wizard did it" is better than literally not even acknowledging some trans people want to "switch their junk" like most people do or arguing that its ahistorical to have any medical transition, However this is just having that so you can present it as the better alternative to the inferior gross medical transition which . go fuck yourself!!! go fuck yourself.

again im mostly so mad about this because when i saw the words "bottom surgery" in a fandom thing i was really really excited because i never get to see even other fans who acknowledge that their favorite characters could be like me! i had a solid 5 seconds of just being ecstatic to be represented and then i actually read the damn thing and it was just more of the fucking same.

[discyours]

(not directly @you) Does radblr dislike the concept of passing because it's based on gender stereotypes? I don't understand. When a MTF uses gendered clothes to help pass as female, its "huehue silly man thinking lipstick = woman" and "gender stereotyping bad!". But then, on the flip side lets say this MTF doesn't care and just wears what she always has. Nothing has changed. The clothes she wears are still gendered.. but it's okay now because shes wearing clothes that are gendered to her sex??

(the ‘not directly @you’ anon) Im just confused and *maybe I read into things the wrong way* but sometimes the way people talk about trans people comes across to me like “no men dress x way and women dress y way”. IK we should be more critical of transition as a process when it’s not always a “sure-cure” for dysphoria but shouldn’t we also not shame males and females who wish to dress differently because it makes them feel happy? Just seems anti-GNC sometimes. Wasn’t radblr GNC supporitve? *

The issue is the motivation as well as the implication of it, not just the act of wearing clothing that is in any way gendered (since that’s kind of impossible to avoid). I’ll use myself as an example since I’m a narcissist masculinity is more “neutral” than femininity and makes for a clearer example about gendered motivations. 

Okay so all things considered, I don’t put much effort into my appearance at this point. If I wasn’t fucking it up by not actually identifying as a woman, I think I’d be a fairly good example of what radfems mean when they talk about women existing in their natural state. I don’t shave my legs, don’t wear makeup, don’t wear jewellery or bras or uncomfortable shoes. I only wear very “basic” clothing that could be considered really gender neutral. The only thing is that I cut my hair pretty often since it grows ungodly fast, and I used to bind. 

But shortly before I came out, I’d reached the height of attempting to conform to femininity. I was wearing makeup to all family functions. I still rarely wore the dress I’d bought with the intention of becoming That Kind Of Person, but I usually wore leggings rather than jeans. My hair was long enough to reach my ass, and I even wore jewellery sometimes. When my dysphoria got bad enough that I wanted to rip my skin off seeing myself in anything even remotely feminine, I drastically changed my appearance very quickly. Until I discovered that sweatpants hide your hips much better, I only wore straight-leg jeans. I started wearing men’s t-shirts, started binding, chopped all my hair off despite having had long hair my entire life and seemingly being very attached to it. 

It was drastic enough of a change that I instantly started passing (I still remember going shopping after my first short haircut, and being warned by the cashier that I’d *accidentally* gotten a girl’s sweatshirt and that that happened all the time since the sections weren’t clearly marked) and it was stressful as all hell. Nobody would’ve looked at that thinking it was a natural evolution of style. In the time between changing my appearance and coming out to everyone I knew, I was extremely anxious. I didn’t know what people were thinking, I was uncomfortable with them drawing their own conclusions without me being able to explain things for myself, and I was terrified that someone would ask before I was prepared to answer. Coming out was a huge relief to me. I was glad that I got to make things make sense to the people I knew, and I was relieved to be rid of the anxiety. Aside from that I was, of course, happy to not have to deal with hearing my birth name or being she/her’d anymore. 

And that’s all I was thinking about. But the reality is that other people saw something different. Other people saw me going from something approximating a normal girl, to a masculine Other, and I signaled to them that this made sense because I was a guy. I signaled to them that That’s what girl looks like, This is what boy looks like. Straight people have always been confused by masculine women but rather than leaving them in their confusion, rather than leaving them to suck it up and get used to it even if they don’t understand it, I told them there was a reasonable explanation for this and it was that I’m not a woman at all. 

Now take that explanation and apply it to something even more active, to the presentation of trans women who suddenly start engaging in the full extent of uncomfortable rituals of femininity. That’s an even clearer message of what womanhood “looks like”, and an even more conscious effort to achieve it. If it was just people naturally and gradually gravitating towards things that aren’t generally associated with their sex then that would be fine. The issue for trans people is the message that we’re sending in the process. 

I just want to put a disclaimer that I don’t think trans people are evil for this, we’re only contributing to a system we were already born into, and rarely conscious about it. The fact that we’re doing harm is important to acknowledge and prevent in the future, but should never be expressed in a way that frames us as knowingly, selfishly and singlehandedly destroying GNC people’s freedom in society. 

[shellnapper]

im really fucking sick of this shit. y’all are so quick to compare trans people to terfs or just outright call us terfs too cause we don’t want cis het aces in our communities that are meant to be safe spaces for people who actually suffer from legitimate oppression. and no getting called cishet on tumblr isn’t the same as the kind of shit lgbt people have to deal with every day

we are literally afraid to go outside of our houses because we could face violence and harassment for the way we look. we are afraid to show affection to our partners in public. we are abused and manipulated and murdered just for trying to live our lives. and all of this goes double for those of us that are gnc. you act like your experiences are somehow even close to comparable to ours and tell trans people that we are the same as the people who call for violence against us.

im angry cause y’all think calling trans people terfs is okay or saying being an exclusionist is somehow a “gateway drug” to being a terf. like fuck off, we aren’t suddenly one day going to turn into violent transmisogynists, that’s not how any of this works. y’all see two terfs say that “aphobia” is their way of converting people to radical feminism and act like this is somehow fact and that all exclusionists are terfs or on their way to becoming terfs.

and before someone tells me that I think ALL ace people can’t be lgbt learn to read cause obviously ace people who are lesbians, gay, bi, or trans are still lgbt, it’s the ones who are cis and or het that aren’t lgbt because they don’t suffer from the kind of shit I mentioned earlier

im just angry cause you say you support trans people but you compare us to violent misogynists and don’t see anything wrong with it. dont say that you’re a trans ally if you do this kind of thing. and stop sending us anon hate about how we are evil horrible pieces of shit.

I’ve seen my friends and mutuals or anyone who says anything about how aces aren’t lgbt flooded with vile and absolutely disgusting messages from anons countless times. and not just a few messages either, but like a lot of messages of people calling us slurs and other horrible words.

also it’s real fucking hypocritical to tell us to be aware of this made up bullshit in our own community when you fail to address the problems going on in your community. regardless of your stance on ace discourse you should agree that sending violent messages to us is fucking horrible. address the problems in your community and acknowledge that sending hordes of violent messages isn’t okay first.

stop romanticizing our struggles and trying so hard to make up oppression that doesn’t exist for you, and while you’re at it stop reclaiming slurs that have never been used against aces, and be aware that not everyone is comfortable being called q/eer.

transmeds/truscum/terfs dni and also delete

[joseyfeli1-blog]

This is it. Halloween 2017

So this Halloween (sadly) i will not dress up. But i will strip down, Ayyyyy!!

alright back to business. Sexuality, Identity, and least important of this bunch, Biological Sex.

This post is for my blog and to be written down. I am still closeted, which i only will tell people that i believe will not care so much about this info. Serisouly in my life, it isnt a huge thing for me.

So it has come to me, throughout this year i really shouldn’t say i am cisgender, and heterosexual. And for me that was strange for me to be so okay with. Yet it wasn’t of how accepting and how much i love myself. No. it is truly cause i knew i wasn’t but never went to go check up the lgbt+ shit, and didn’t care about this stuff. But here i am, caring about myself (how do i feel about that? ehh). Sexuality was never something i cared to bring up/talk about, but Senior year (high school) and im just realizing that from past experiences that, yeah, it is more complicated than - hetero, cis. Yeah no, mostly all my lifes explanations are paragraphs, or essays. long story short, This post is really not for the people who would support me (though Thank You so much) and also not for me to accept me. Again I never cared for my sexuality and i still dont, but since i might get asked, and i would like an straight(Hah!) answer.Okay so here it is…

Identity

A big thing this is. Most explanation will be put into this (not for people to believe me, just so its written somewhere). I want to be identifyed as Genderfluid, three genders, Male, Female, and Non-Binary. For friends on here, dont worry im fine with the pronouns and or whatever you all me. I enjoy no remembering that im biologically male, but i understand people wont care for me in the future. Plus about 17 years of it, kind of numbs you to caring about the pronoun game. So why identify as genderfluid and not be cisgendered? Well for me i am self aware that i depreciate myself (all the fucking time) and some part of it was, so i mustnt hate myself enough to realise i should accept the idea of me being identified as the other two genders. So i thought about, i hate most masculine shit. feminine shit? Love a lot of it! Shit with no gender?  Cool as fuck. So why be filtered Josey? why not embrace this threepeice mofo? 

Why do i believe myself to be these genders?/ Why identify as them?

picture a triple Venn diagram please? Male, Female, Non-Binary.

Why male? i WILL NOT degrade the beauty of the other two genders to have me as a full addition. (self-depreciation, i know, again self aware af) 

Why Female? They all are strong as H E L L! to be apart of them, thats a nice thought. Plus ive had a front row seat of how most common men act towards women and i will not be apart of those asses(i am a different kind of asshole, but that is for another post, not the time right now) I never liked the way how most people talk about how lesbians are only hot and the they are sexualized, THEN! when they bring it up! everyone calls them crazy and disregards the actions of sexualizing women loving women.

Why Non-Binary? They have no need for being either common gender, Awesome! in my opinion. The fact that i never cared for my gender  through my young life, speaks out to me, not loudly, but i know i barely care for the thing in between my pants, regardless my bio sex. In fact, i wont have memories of me being called specific pronouns and shit where i feel nostalgia over them, you wanna know why? Cause i dont remember being called a boy and enjoying it! i just remember having a great time with video games or walking around the houses ive been in.

Seriously days go by without me acknowledging that im male, so in my opinion no it doesn’t matter to me what people think of me, nor if they will support my identifications. Hence, Genderfluid, not trans, not just Non-binary. But three halves, to make a whole.

Sexuality

Alright the simpler part of this post. So when growing up, media, my family, myself, just thought it was okay for making me believe that: Yes! i am hetero! i like women! and it is okay how many are being degraded!

took me a second, but luckily i do not think that at all anymore. (for people that are going to argue me, realize that: too bad if im wrong! i aint changing this post for you!) Now sadily it took me tim eto notice how heteros i knew/ know think its fine how they think so lowly of the people they find sexually attractive, but opinions opinions! so i digress.

I am DemiPansexual (and probs demiromantic, not the time to figure that shit out yet.;p)

Demisexual- Part of the Ace spectrum, you are sexually attracted to no one other than people you have created such powerful bonds with, the immensity or lack of strong bond is obviously individual preference.

Pansexual- People sexually attracted to people whom are themselves as much as possible. See People, we dont care for biological sex, identity, or sexual orientation of whomever we feel attracted to sexually. Again personal reference is what you are looking towards other people (or yourself? who nows? some freaky narcissistics out there, @rapforeminem im looking at You!:p). For me, people being themselves the most, and me seeing them sexually attractive because of it- That (again for me) is someone living their life where they cant stop learning themselves and aspiring to be themselves as we all know, we gonna die soon. the fact is (in my opinion), People dont change, they adapt and grow. They become what their soul is. i believe that souls know what we will become, hopes that we discover all 100% of ourselves, i pray to know all of me, but im also scared, so i will not try to really go out for the answer, if it happens, it happens, and cool too. To see someone be themselves and embrace it, brightens my mood. seeing their bright eyes, makes me bite my lip (like a loser and/or fangirl, lol), it makes me feel good/ special to be there for it. it is special and sweet. anyhow, i hate seeing people as sexual objects, i know i very much did before, but for me, it was normalized! for me! i am justifying me right now, im justifying when i didn’t know that was not how i like to think and act.

DemiPansexual- So why use both? Well, i shouldn’t call myself/ use the ace spectrum to use for myself, again big respect for each one of them, because  i have seen people that i didn’t have/ picture of having a profound bond with. And I love the soul of others, they’re so pretty! Especially when they are really unfiltered.

now because i am pansexual, doesn’t mean i have to seek out the entire soul of another to be even a tiny bit sexually attracted to them. That is my opinion. This Whole Fucking post is my god damned opinion, why type and post it? it will give me god damn peace broham. having something written, helps me cope, so in a sense, this helps me be me, acceot myself and my complicated sexuality/identity.

So for people whom talk, or want to talk to me (there is no line for that), and dont know how to talk to me aafter i come out, just notice, i never really talked about myself in these ways before! i never really cared, i am numb to how poeple just saw a straight regular boi. GOD do i wish it was that simple, literally over an hour typing this shit! But of course to end it,

Biological sex

i am boi

Alright that is it! Hahaha, okay so this is going out at 2:00 am in texas time, but 12:00am (Halloween) for westcoast of the united states. ill reblog during the day of Halloween. not to advertise myself, but for people that want a coming out post, and or support me no matter what (thank you again, love you lot) i identify as.

Oh and i understand that there are so many! so many spectrums and other shit, so if you read all this, or just feel like im incorrect and ou are in fact more intelligent in this subject than me and try to tell me “that i am actually something else”, or “there is a better title for you” i wont listen right now, im fucking exhuasted okaying this post as is, ill check on myself and the wikipedia if I feel the need to. And if you do not beileive or disagree with any part of my coming out shtuff, talk to me directly, no need to hurt my supporters, followers, people i follow, random Tumblr users, and especially mutuals( I Love you guys! MWAH!). Message ME that im wrong or dont exist! not the people that had no idea this post was being done! give me your hate! im cool with it! I Will allow it!

Anyway! Happy mother fucking Halloween California! Have a safe and fun one this year! and everywhere else for that matter. 

[bluefloret]

This Post Got Very Long I recommend hitting J Now

Hey. I wanna talk about That Post.

I totally get what you’re saying! People should absolutely be mindful and conscientious about the content they create, particularly when portraying trauma of any sort. And you have the right to say that, it is a valid statement. But the fact that I had to take a step back, breathe deep, and go looking through your tumble in search of clarification just to understand what you meant really says that your original statement was very, VERY poorly worded. I cannot understate how poorly worded your statement was, no matter how accurate it may be.

In addition, I think you are conflating people writing about trauma with people JOKING about trauma they’ve written about/plan to write about? People write about trauma and put their characters through bad things for many reasons, and I’m sure you know that. But your original post seems to imply that by joking about what people put their characters through, they are somehow disregarding or disrespecting the trauma itself. 

I am sure there are people who put little thought into what they do to their characters, but the vast majority of serious writers think very carefully before doing things like that. Moreover, these things are often either reflections of things that have happened to those writers, or heavily researched because they want to be as accurate in their storytelling as possible even if they’re not worried about being respectful. These characters are our babies, they’re part of us like even children cannot be since they came out of our minds and we shape every part of them- yes, even their trauma. And no one is going to care about them like we do, that’s a fact. And- I’m sorry, I’m actually getting a little upset. Calming down, refocusing. Woo.

Look, you make a very good point, but the way you stated it was incredibly tone-deaf and disrespectful of the content creators. The comics do not show flippancy towards the traumas we write, they show solidarity with other content creators who are also struggling to do their characters justice and approaching the difficulties it poses with humor and community rather than shame. 

Comments like the one you made, however well-meant, are the same sort of hurtful comments many deal with or have dealt with from their abusers and the abusers’ enablers: that these topics are shameful and should not be addressed in polite company, never with humor, and certainly not taken out in a constructive manner in order to work through things and get better, and also do not look for community because what you are doing is trash and anyone who would agree with such comics is also trash and none of these people deserve any support. 

This is probably not what you meant to say or even imply, but that’s what happened anyway, and it also seems like instead of saying “I’m sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings (you did), I did not mean to, what I meant to say was THIS…”, you’ve sort of gone “well that’s not what I meant and if they thought I meant that they’re just wrong and probably butthurt about nothing.” Like, you seem to have either misread the situation so badly or misspoke so badly that. Honestly I am not sure what words to use here. You really fucked up, I’m sorry. You had a valid opinion and you spoke it in the worst possible way, like it came for people’s souls and it was obviously devised to hurt, even if you ended up hurting people you didn’t mean to.

It reminds me of that comic, where the woman says when was hurt because of what someone said. That person says they didn’t mean to, and she responds that she understands it was unintentional but she was still hurt and deserves an apology, to which the other person only replies again “but I didn’t mean to!”

If you have read to the end of this, I respect your tenacity because I realize I am not at my most eloquent and also not saying the kindest things, so if you got this far, thank you.

Okay so I’m just going to break down my response to this, cause I already know it’s going to get long. But. I’m going to have to disagree on some things here. So I’ll just take it piece by piece. 

I totally get what you’re saying! People should absolutely be mindful and conscientious about the content they create, particularly when portraying trauma of any sort. And you have the right to say that, it is a valid statement.

First of all, thank you for acknowledging this. I appreciate that. 

I cannot understate how poorly worded your statement was, no matter how accurate it may be.

Some people have said this before you. To which I point out that it was a off-the-head post I made early in the morning to an audience that usually gives me an average of 2-6 notes per post. I had no idea the breadth my post would gain in just a few short hours, let alone the days since. My post was never intended for an enormous audience. And if you respond “Well you should make every post with the thought that it might blow up” that’s just… unrealistic? I was mad about a thing, I make a quick text post thinking 2 people will see it. I can’t write a formal essay of points every time i have a minor irritation. That’s all it was meant to be.

But your original post seems to imply that by joking about what people put their characters through, they are somehow disregarding or disrespecting the trauma itself.

Here’s a problem I have with the rest of the argument you outline, and it starts here. People joking about abusing their characters absolutely can disregard the abuse you’re putting them through. Which is what my post was about, people who joke about trauma in a way that is disrespectful and shows a fetishistic nature. People joke about abusing their ocs and writing abuse in a way that implies that they are gaining gratification out of the act of harming their ocs often enough that it’s something that becomes disrespectful to the sensitivity of the topic they’re writing.

You can’t tell me you use the internet and haven’t seen people make the comics like the one I was referring to, use phrases like “I love this character, I can’t wait to beat them up >:3″ or talk about how much they love seeing their favorite characters bruised and broken and crying. People LOVE that stuff and it’s everywhere. Go into any fanfiction tag and you’ll see loads of fiction about tearing characters apart. Now is that instantly bad? No, I’ve already covered in other responses how I don’t believe writing dark fiction or trauma is automatically bad. But, often you will find people really, really enjoying it in a way I find CREEPY and DISTURBING and I will not hesitate to tell you that!

I am sure there are people who put little thought into what they do to their characters, but the vast majority of serious writers think very carefully before doing things like that. 

Where is your proof of this… how can you personally prove to me that a “majority” of “serious writers” (with no quantifications) take trauma seriously and don’t fetishize it. 

In turn, it is only fair that I admit I can’t prove the opposite, but I have existed in this life and on the internet long enough to see plenty of fanart, fanfiction, and canon media and writing that fetishizes abuse. 

Moreover, these things are often either reflections of things that have happened to those writers, or heavily researched because they want to be as accurate in their storytelling as possible even if they’re not worried about being respectful. 

1: Just because you research it doesn’t mean you’re being respectful. 

I don’t give a hot damn if someone puts 100 hours of research into reading about abuse if they STILL are really creepy and disrespectful about it! Why would I want someone writing abuse if they aren’t going to be respectful about it? They’ll just reinforce negative stereotypes or, again, fetishize it or romanticize it. In that case I prefer that they had NEVER WRITTEN IT AT ALL. It’s like a straight person who researches gay people then writes a gay character with a bunch of negative stereotypes and makes them into a walking joke. “But at least they wrote a gay character” is no defense, they’d still have fucked up the writing really bad and I still would’ve prefered they hadn’t done the character in the first place.

2: And this is really going to shock you, but, abuse survivors can write and talk about abuse in a disgusting manner as well. 

Every other damn note in my post is someone going “UMM OP IM TRAUMATIZED SO I CAN DO IT?” and like. If you’re a trauma survivor and you want to project trauma onto your ocs, that’s fine! I never said that was wrong. What I was critiquing was the fetishistic way people talk about abuse, and guess what, abuse survivors can do it too! I’ve had abuse survivors be abusive and talk about abuse in a way that makes me HIGHLY uncomfortable. It sucks and it’s a terrible thing to go through- abuse- but that doesn’t mean you get to talk about abusing your characters IN A PUBLIC SETTING in a way that sounds incredibly creepy! If it’s in pubilc you can be exposing other abuse survivors to your language and actions and it is completely irresponsible to not take responsibility in that case and be extra mindful of how you portray your own ocs that have went through abuse.

(Also not that you would have seen it since my post exploded, but in the very original post I did make a tag specifically calling out non-abuse survivors for this behavior)

Look, you make a very good point, but the way you stated it was incredibly tone-deaf and disrespectful of the content creators. 

1: I am a content creator you ding dong. I write stories and make art too. 

2: Even if I wasn’t? How does that take away my ability to critique content creators portraying a thing badly. Can gay people no longer talk about creators being homophobic? Trans people can’t point out transphobia any more? If you’re going “no, no, that’s not what I meant” then what DID you mean. I have every right to critique how people treat a subject that’s personal to me, especially when they haven’t experienced it.

The comics do not show flippancy towards the traumas we write, they show solidarity with other content creators who are also struggling to do their characters justice and approaching the difficulties it poses with humor and community rather than shame. 

I mean you’re just pulling words out of your ass here. You literally just invented this meaning. “But Saraza, THIS is what those comics mean” you say. Um, okay, but it doesn’t and you don’t get to be the definer of that. Especially using the word ‘solidarity’, if that implies you are on the outside looking in on the topic of abuse (which I have no way of knowing and won’t presume about you).

In fact I am holding this discussion purely on the chance that you might be an abuse survivor and therefore might deserve a response, but I hope you know that if you aren’t an abuse survivor you have literally no place in this discussion. Like, I won’t make assumptions about you, maybe you are and all this was in your place, but if you aren’t, don’t ever bother responding to me again. 

Comments like the one you made, however well-meant, are the same sort of hurtful comments many deal with or have dealt with from their abusers 

I hope you know how literally disgusting it is to compare an abuse survivor to being an abuser just because I asked people not to fetishize abuse. 

Like I entertained the rest of your argument but you have GOT to know this is just a vile, ugly thing to do. 

This is probably not what you meant to say or even imply, but that’s what happened anyway 

WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S MISINTERPRETATIONS OF MY POST AND NOT ARGUING WITH THE IDIOTS WHO CAN’T READ. 

I can not comprehend how entitled you people are with how you demand that I defend and explain words I NEVER said and arguments I NEVER made. Go argue with the people who can’t fucking read my posts maybe????

It’s neither my onus, duty, or responsibility to explain meanings I never made. I can extrapolate on my original post but if you’re asking me to apologize for arguments OTHER people made on my post, I literally don’t know what to tell you other than. What the hell. 

and it also seems like instead of saying “I’m sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings (you did), I did not mean to, what I meant to say was THIS…”, you’ve sort of gone “well that’s not what I meant and if they thought I meant that they’re just wrong and probably butthurt about nothing.”

I’m just flat out not going to apologize to people upset about things I didn’t say and didn’t do??? It’s not a case of “I did something wrong unintentionally and therefore I should apologize anyway”, it’s a case of “I did nothing wrong but everyone is taking my words out of context and yelling at me for things I never said”. Which, I don’t feel the need to apologize for, shockingly!

In fact part of the abuse I experienced was being constantly forced to apologize for anything and everything that wasn’t even my fault just to make my abuser happy. So, it’s no surprise that I don’t want to do that here???

If people want me to clarify my wording I’ll do that all damn day but if people are going to be mad about stuff I never said, that’s their dick to jerk. 

Last of all, you’re a markiplier fandom blog literally what do I care what you think

[animal71154]

k.. i thought this discourse was over but i just had 2 separate ppl reblog the weirdest fucking post onto my dash and i just wanna open some questions 2 the bench

“Queer is a slur” is used by terfs and cis gays/lesbians to silence the voices of trans/nonbinary/intersex/bi/pan/ace people in society and even within our own communities, to isolate us and shame us for existing.

first of all i saw plenty of trans/bi ppl who were uncomfortable with ‘queer’ becoming the new catchall, its not like its our only word. it just happens to be one that comes with a lot of pain and baggage for a really large percentage of us.....

“Queer is a slur” is defending heteronormativity.

i.....dont get it i really dont get it we have words. we have other words to describe our experiences. we use them all the time and theyre more specific than ‘queer’. theres lots of words to say ‘im not straight’ im much more descriptive ways than ‘queer’.

“Queer is a slur” is frankly embarrassing. It’s an admission of ignorance and prejudice. It’s an insidious discriminatory discourse parroted uncritically in support of a divisive us-vs-them mentality targeting the most vulnerable members of the LGBTQIA+ community for lack of courage to confront the white cis straight men who pose an actual danger to us as individuals and as a community.

i thought this whole segment was weird because the WHOLE POST seems to be an us-vs-them sentiment? like op is out here trying to act like the evil cisgays are silencing us and stealing our special word that they totally never get called ever......what?? we can acknowledge history and still not force labels onto people who dont want them.......like thats possible

IDK LOL i just thought wed all arrived at ‘ok lots of people find it really really painful to see this word so well stop calling them it’, i dont see this huge advantage to using it that somehow justifies that? i mean you can call yourself whatever you want, but im finding it pretty fucking hellish suddenly seeing straight media jump onto the bandwagon of calling us queers again. k i didnt end up posing many questions here, i figured if i thought about it enough id come up with some but heres some:

‘why are we fighting to keep using a word that hurts so many of us?’ ‘why are we LYING to achieve this?’ ‘why arent we just calling ourselves, as an individual, queer, if we love it this much? why do we have to tell everyone else theyre being HETERONORMATIVE for not using a word if it hurts them, what the fuck is that guilttrip move about????’

im still.....deciding whether these are rhetorical or not honestly because its gonna take a REALLY fucking good offer to make me think twice about it

[safekeepersecrets]

Hi, Ive had both for a long ass time too. And no where did I say both werent welcome I said the different experiences ARE IMPORTANT. No one with depression will ever understand the gatekeeping of accessing buildings and public transportation in the way someone with mobility problems does. Is that the fault of the person with depression? Maybe, if they are the shop owner who refuses to out in a ramp. But it's not saying their own experiences with depression as a chronic illness aren't valid.

Drawing distinctions and acknowledging differences isn't gatekeeping. Im a cis asexual and therefore won't ever understand the difficulties and discrimination faced by a person who is trans. That doesn't mean I don't belong in the LGBT community but DOES mean I meed to acknowledge and understand that my experiences are different.

Depression doesn't get you banned from going into a store by some asshole who doesn't understand the ADA laws, but having a service dog to mitigate your physical disability OR an actually task trained psychiatric service dog can. Don't be SO focused on inclusion that you make the same "I dont see color" type bullshit argument people try to do with race. Different is allowed. Different is necessary. Different SHOULD be treated differently. Does my need for mobility equipment mean my friends bod is less valid? Of fucking course not. But she would never try to act like her struggles are the SAME as mine when she's never been yelled at for existing in a store before as a result of her illness.

That's the distinction I was trying to make. Take a fucking chill pill.

hi 👉👈

does having a lifelong, at times disabling, mental illness mean that ur chronically ill?

sorry im confused

you can answer me in anon if you want!! 💚

[mavwrekmarketing]

I dont like white women.

Whenever I say that, white women look at me like I just decapitated Taylor Swift. If Im being honest, their reaction is part of the reason I say it. But rest assured, its not the only reason.

I dont like white women because Im not particularly fond of the construct of whiteness or what it represents. I also dont appreciate those who are complicit in my oppression and benefit from it. When I say I dont like white women, its not in reference to any specific white woman (aside from maybe Taylor Swift). Its a declaration that white women pose a very real threat to my existence, and I dont have to embrace that threat with open arms. You have to earn my fondness. This goes for several other groups, obviously, but for some reason white women seem the most baffled by it. Whenever I meet a white woman whos not baffled by it, we instantly become friends. Those are the white women I like.

I dont like white women because Im not particularly fond of the construct of whiteness or what it represents.

As an unapologetically black, queer, and cash poor femme, I accept that I can only speak definitively on my own experiences. In fact, Im of the belief that our experiences are the only things any of us can definitively speak on. But that doesnt mean ours are the only experiences worth acknowledging. There exists a space between the oft chanted chorus silence is violence! and the realization that when we advocate for other people we usually have no idea what were talking about. Navigating that space can be difficult, but its vital to achieving universal liberation. The fact so many white women continue to evade this space is why Black women like me are under the impression they arent all too concerned with our liberation. And just once, Id love for them to prove me wrong.

Im not a scholar, so occasionally I get left behind by academic terminology used to define my identity. Ill never understand why I have to classify myself the way others see fit. Once, someone asked why I refer to myself as cash poor instead of working class. I think working class is a misnomer, since work is no indication of any shared socio-economic status. An undocumented sex worker, for example, and a white housewife trying to get her Etsy Store off the ground dont have much in common. Saying both are working class does a lot to alleviate the conscience of those in positions of privilege. Yet still, when I turn on the news, thats the group I hear politicians declaring their allegiance to. Thats the group I see folks clamoring to fight for. Terms like working class often erase intersections of oppression and replace them with a fictional shared experience. The same can be said of words like feminism, and even women. Ultimately, its not our shared experiences (real or imagined) that will unite us. Its acknowledging our differences.

Today, intersectionality has become a buzzword meant to lend credibility to social agendas that are anything but inclusive.

We leftists and liberals often like to think of ourselves as an intersectional body of unity. When Kimberl Crenshaw coined the phrase intersectionality in the late 80s, the concept was meant to bring attention to co-existing layers of social identity. Today, intersectionality has become a buzzword meant to lend credibility to social agendas that are anything but inclusive. I witnessed this, first hand, last month at the Womens March.

The Womens March was bittersweet for women of color and trans women. Although the official platform of the march referenced intersectionality twice, the experience was anything but that. For all its symbolism and potential, the Womens March was largely a tightly packed shrine to alabaster skin and pink vulvas. My compatriots and I jokingly nicknamed the crowd a sea of astroTERF (a reference to the way trans women were all but excluded from the concerns of the participants). I made a mental note whenever I saw a white woman holding a sign that acknowledged women of color or immigrantsor Black lives mattering. My mental notepad remained largely unused.

I immediately began to think of the violence and harm that self-proclaimed feminists inflict on the most marginalized among us. I thought of all the times I, as a queer individual, believed I was doing enough for queer Black folk by just providing my queer Black body to spaces where not enough of us were present.

I considered the ways in which I was complicit in the erasure of trans women, non-able bodied femmes, and undocumented immigrants; the times I was in my feels because a trans woman made a Facebook status dragging the fuck out of my perception of solidarity. I thought of instances when I actually said Why would I want to fight alongside your struggle if you arent welcoming people like me who are actually trying to advocate on your behalf?

Each of those times I had the wrong way of thinking. I came to that realization by listening and learning and surrounding myself with people who were gracious enough to share insights that I lacked. I believe this has led me to not only be a better feminist, but a better human being. I havent quite yet reached the pinnacle of intersectional Shangri-La, but I know some stuff. And in the interest of sharing my own insights, Ill leave you with three things I try to consider when partaking in liberation work.

Maintaining a Growth Mindset I try to always keep in mind that there are things I dont know. More importantly, there are things I think I know now, that Im just flat wrong about. Hopefully in the future Ill figure out what those things are, and continue on my path of self-determination. But we can never grow mentally, emotionally, or spiritually if we approach things with a closed mind. I always try to listen to the accounts and experiences of others with the notion that Ill pick up something new. Thats how we learn about privilege and our role in oppressing others. Thats how we learn about intersectionality. I cant overstate the importance of listening to people who are willing to share their experiences with us. We just have to be cognizant of who were willing to listen to most intentlywhich brings me to my next point.

Diversity from the Top Society has a hierarchy of experiential priorities. Those priorities align with the social pecking order, starting with straight white able-bodied cisgender men, and proceeding down the line accordingly. When I do anything, I try to start by flipping that hierarchy upside down before I proceed. If Im picking a restaurant to eat dinner, Im going to go out of my way to support a minority-owned business. If Im participating in a direct action, I want to make sure its led by, or in alignment with, the leadership of the most marginalized.

Many Black women who attended the Womens March did so begrudgingly because Black women were largely excluded from the planning until the 11th hour. That doesnt go unnoticed. In order for our liberation to become a reality, we have to incorporate diversity from the top. And it cant be symbolic diversity or tokenism. Are you centering the voices of the unheard? Are you following their direction and listening to their needs? I promise you that your own liberation depends on everyone elses. When you fight for the lives of the most marginalized you simultaneously liberate yourself. A rising tide lifts all boats, yall. Dont end up with a yacht in the desert.

Love Lastly, even when I say I dont like white women, I dont do it from a place of hatred. I do it from a place of self-love and preservation. I dont have to like you to have love and respect for you. If you prescribe to the idea that impact trumps intent, you still cant deny the fact that people who act with love in their hearts usually have the most positive impact. And the best way to convey love is with our actions, not just our words. So when doing this work, its OK to stop and ask yourself if your motivation is coming from a place of love or a place of fear. Its easy to hate. I hate the police. But thats not why I do this work. I do this work because I LOVE my beautiful people, in all their magnificent shapes, sizes, shades, and orientations. I see you. I hear you. And I promise to do my best to honor you.

Reposted from Black Lives Matter Medium.com page: http://ift.tt/2lhA7yy

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