#these kids relationship is so toxic and bizarre but also so fascinating to me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
missmitchieg · 2 years ago
Text
I still wanna know how many times Nick told Carrie they were never getting back together that Carrie doesn't believe him anymore. Also, at what point did she stop believing him because she barely reacted?
14 notes · View notes
amemixfan · 2 years ago
Text
So I had previously canceled VIP because choices had a dry spell with books that seemed interesting, but I recently reactivated it with Kindled coming out. I also took the time to check out some of the other VIP books.
So rapid fire reviews:
1. First Comes Love is a garbage fire. The entire book radiates so much Pick Me energy that I’m half expecting MC to go into a “pick me, choose me, love me” speech.
I can practically imagine that entire book told in a Reddit post from the point of view of Rebecca. “Help, my lover’s toxic girl best friend is trying to break us up.” It’s so, so toxic. We could have gotten an interesting story of friends deciding to marry out of loneliness while realizing they had feelings for each other yet we got a love triangle with the emotional maturity of a playground fight. I’m surprised they didn’t make Rebecca a cheerleader just to hit all the “You Belong With Me” boxes that book is trying to hit. (Seriously I mean, gasp! Rebecca loves to travel and likes fancy stuff? Oh the absolute horror!!!)
2. Roommates With Benefits. Meh. I couldn’t make it past the first episode because the book seemed dull. The love interests didn’t interest me and the writing is meh. Not much more to say.
3. Kiss of Death. This book is frustrating because they’re selling you a mob star crossed lovers book with an MC who is so outside of the world of mobsters that most of the book is just her venting about how everyone treats her like a kid. It’s not a mob book if the main character is shut out of the family business.
I wanted to like it because it gave me Halsey’s music video vibes of Now or Never which I liked, but the end result is meh. The book would have been fascinating had MC actually been a trusted member of the mob and had a lot more power and importance. Instead, it seems like this is a teenage coming of age story with no edge or flair.
I treated it as a diamond mining book and didn’t see any relationship development that isn’t just lust or horniness between MC and Vic. MC tells them she loves them after one day and there’s not much explanation why. Even her bestie calls her out on it. The book just hinges on one random less than a day long encounter years ago as the premise of their love story. Like I get Romeo and Juliet were also dumb kids who thought they knew what love was, but Choices’ characters are supposed to have been grown adults.
4. Getaway Girls. This book I’m actually enjoying. It’s funny and light hearted. I’m just a few chapters in but it seems fun. Not a huge fan of the constant POV change, but each character has their own personality and taste which keeps it from becoming repetitive. We’ll see how it goes.
5. The Duchess Affair. I love a good period piece and am always biased in favor of it. This one isn’t the best Choices has put it, but it’s interesting compared to its other VIP books. The adultery aspect is bleh for me, but it’s not surprising giving The Nanny Affair was such a hit. I wish they hadn’t made the husband such a tool and given more high stakes to the story, but I guess they had to let people not feel guilty about cheating.
I will say though, it’s weird to see MC fawn over their tutor while diamond mining. I haven’t taken any premium choices so her worrying and fretting over committing adultery is bizarre given she’s only just talked to her tutor a handful of times and sat close to them. This book was definitely not designed to be diamond mined.
6. Kindred. This one seems promising. I love the art and the premise behind the book. The LIs seem interesting and the world seems fascinating. I definitely don’t regret resubscribing just for this book. It seems like it could become a favorite of mine.
My only complaint is that the plot moves fast. It’s very blink and you miss an entire explanation. The book thrusts you into what seems like an already developed world and expects you to just know everything already. I can keep up with some ideas because I’m pagan and know some of the concepts, but it’s still confusing to have so many revelations in the first two chapters and no time in between. I wonder how many things were cut from the book before publishing. It just seems like the entire thing is on fast forward and the characters themselves don’t react to major, groundbreaking news. Hopefully this’ll be fixed going forward.
I also know there’s a select release for a TNA POV book, but I don’t have access. I envy those of you that do though.
So yeah, this current line up is not the best Choices has ever had, but it’s also not the worst.
16 notes · View notes
carriagelamp · 5 years ago
Text
February 2020 Book Review
Tumblr media
The Last Wish / Sword Of Destiny
Tumblr media
Let’s start with the books that currently have me in a stranglehold. I apologize to everyone that actually follows me and watched me descend into fandom pits but whatcha gonna do. So, I was aware of the video game when it came out, but not being a prolific gamer I was intrigued but never bothered getting into it. Then the Netflix series came out, and I was again intrigued... but I suck at sitting down and watching shows. So what the heck I decided, it’s probably mediocre hypermasculine high fantasy but let’s try a book to see what the fuss is all about.
Good god. Guys. It’s real good. And so fucking different from the show. Geralt is actually a really emotional, well-meaning guy who’s starved for positive social interactions and is just trying to do his best. And the books’ consistent themes of colonialism, environmental destruction, forced extinction, and changing eras is... chilling and fascinating and honestly a little too relatable at times. These books have made me laugh and shout and frankly sob. Still a little sexist, cause 90s fantasy, but Geralt is so not the gruff, heartless, manly man character I thought he would be. I am so deeply into these and have just cracked the spine of the next book in the series. If you like high fantasy, I can’t recommend these enough.
The Silver Eyes
Tumblr media
I just learnt that there were Five Nights At Freddy’s books, and honestly picked this up from the library as a joke for my brother. We’d played the games back when they first came out, and were into the lore, but lbr they’re more of a meme at this point. Anyway, we ended up reading this out loud to each other, a chapter a night, and I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Probably wouldn’t have liked it as much on my own, but the main character was complicated and messy, and the book’s way or portraying trauma was neat. It was nominally horror, and did have the occasional chilling moment, or times it was fun to speculate, it over all it was pretty run of the mill middle grade fiction.
FRNK
Tumblr media
Probably the best graphic novel I’ve read this month. 
I was howling with laughter while I read it. Good quality Belgium comics, always a treat. This story is about a modern day boy, Frank, who is accidentally thrown back into prehistoric times, where he’s stuck with a bunch of cavemen who haven’t invented the concept of vowels yet. Admittedly my French isn’t great, so it made trying to decipher words with half the letters missing a challenge to say the least, but plenty worth it. I really want to get my hands on book two. I believe there’s an English translation, and I’d recommend giving it a try.
Best Friends
Tumblr media
A neat little graphic novel that addresses common growing up issues, about what it means to be friends, stay friends, how to cope with people changing and when it’s time to walk away. Anxiety, being yourself, fitting in, all that sort of stuff. It’s a quick read, very pleasant, and has nice art.
Karen’s Witch
Tumblr media
Another cute graphic novel with charming art. I read this at the store while I was waiting for a prescription to be filled. It’s about this five year old (or thereabouts) who is absolutely determined that her neighbour is a witch and by god she is going to prove it or at least scare herself and her friend silly in the process. A fun little read!
Endling: The First
Tumblr media
The second book in the Endling series, and all my praise for the first book apply here as well. A super unique high fantasy that gives extinct and threatened species a voice. The book explore themes of war, environmental destruction, sacrifice and loss. You really get to see how much Byx has grown and how much she needs to continue to grow. This book has me so excited for the third, I haven’t read such an emotionally rewarding quest novel in a long time.
Bleach
Tumblr media
I found out my library has a billion books of this series and decided to jump into it again for the first time in over a decade. Honestly it’s even better than I remembered? The art is absolutely stunning, Ichigo is such a power fantasy hero, and it’s one of those series with a lot of really loveable characters and a lot of heart. Ichigo is a good guy who you actually feel good liking, which can’t be said for all shonen protags by any means. This is just such a classic and it holds up man. And if you like manga and have never read it? Jump in and enjoy a normal human getting supernatural powers and kicking absolutely enormous monsters’ asses.
Dinotopia: Sabertooth Mountain
Tumblr media
This was my favourite Dinotopia book as a kid, and it was still fun to reread. The world of Dinotopia is one separate from the rest of the world, where humanity lives in perfect harmony with many prehistoric creatures that have managed to survive and evolve on the island of Dinotopia. This story is about a crisis brewing, as the sabertooths are cut off from their food supply and are in danger of not only starving but of bringing death to the rest of the mountain as well. While surveying the situation with his older sister, the main character finds himself falling from the airship in the middle of a storm, directly into the valley of starving sabertooths.
Tumblr media
I read a bunch of this author’s graphic novels, and they are such feel-good queer lit. This was probably my favourite of the lot, but I also read Tea Dragon Society, Aquicorn Cove, and Princess Princess Ever After. Taking place in a picturesque mountain community, it’s about a girl meeting a guardian dragon who accidentally fell asleep in the mountains a century ago rather than watch over the village like intended. It’s about coming to terms with and loving yourself (and also about super cute little tea dragons).
Just Jaime
Tumblr media
Another story that focuses on the complications of middle school, and how friends can grow and change, and when sometimes friendships become toxic and cruel. These are novel/graphic novel hybrids that are very visually appealing, and really do manage to tell very heartfelt stories. This one takes a side character from the earlier two books, and turns her from a very one dimensional, somewhat annoying character, into a fully realized person with her own issues and her own need for growth.
The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up / The Life-Changing Manga Of Tidying Up
Tumblr media
Given that I’m not really a non-fiction person and DEFINITELY not a self-help book person, I really enjoyed these (though I didn’t read Spark Joy). I read the manga first, out of curiosity, but enough of it struck true that I decided to try the book as well. Have I cleaned anything up yet? No. But honestly, I can genuinely say that despite being repetitive at points I do truly feel like I got a lot of good out of it, and I feel much more excited and prepared when I do decide to do a big clean next. It really does reframe the relationship you have with your belongings and with yourself. I genuinely love the concept of “sparking joy”.
Bigfoot Boy: The Sound Of Thunder
Tumblr media
Technically the last book of the series, whoops. Though honestly having read it I didn’t feel like I missed that much. It’s a Canadian graphic novel and I had... mixed feelings about it. Interesting and exciting in some ways, but the pacing was odd, and honestly I don’t think indigenous voices went into making it (I could be wrong but...) and it reads as kinda... eugh. Problematic. Having a none indigenous author write about a white boy being the guardian of a first nation totem and turning into a bigfoot isn’t a super cool optic.
Bloodchild
Tumblr media
I was told “hey this is a really fucked up short story” so I read it, and guess what? It was a really fucked up short story. Would recommend if you want weird alien sex slavery bullshit-- it was a wild ride. And the overall themes obviously went a lot deeper than that, but honestly, it’s like a few dozen pages long if you wanna dig into all the philosophical shit, just give it a read! Uh, heavy content warning, tw tw tw, but a really bizarre, unsettling look at gender and power dynamics and oppression through a scifi lens.
Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIHM
Tumblr media
I hadn’t read this book since elementary school so I reread it on a whim. It really is such a charming story. As far as animal stories go, this feels almost like the platonic ideal. Mother mouse is worried about her sick son and winds up compelled to seek out the mysterious rats who live in the rosebush for help, and is not only thrust into her own adventure but learns about the strange past her late husband shared with the rats of NIMH. It’s such a relaxing read, while still managing to be exciting and compelling.
Exploring According to Og the Frog
Tumblr media
And one last animal story to round us off. I’d read one of the Humphrey books last month, and check out a couple more from the library for fun. I didn’t enjoy Mysteries According to Humphrey that much, but this one was charming, showing the world through Humphrey’s frog friend Og instead. The same charming type of adventure, but being a frog, Og has a very different attitude and view of the world, which was fun. Very cute elementary kid lit.
13 notes · View notes
nadziejastar · 5 years ago
Note
It's sort of amazing the difference between the fan interpretation of RAX and how they interact in canon. In Days they're super dysfunctional, border on being toxic, and their friendship was unsustainable from the start even if they didn't realize it. In fanon they're a picture perfect family who can never be torn apart. And the KH3 went with the fan interpretation instead of acknowledging any of their issues.
I totally agree. I think the reason is that the fandom tends to be very young. It’s a big reason why Akuroku became so popular, IMO. Young teens tend to misinterpret unhealthy obsession (like Axel’s) as romance and true love. And the Sea-Salt Trio’s dysfunction also was also overlooked in a similar manner.
I gotta be honest. I feel pretty uncomfortable with the general interpretation of the Sea-Salt Trio in this fandom. It’s just so bizarre to me how Roxas and Xion’s friendship with Axel was put on such a pedestal and how his relationship with Isa was pretty much ignored by almost everyone. It’s just…amazingly unrealistic if you think about it. I think it’s a testament to how young the fans are, in general.
Axel’s relationships truly aggravate me, because he was written a LOT differently than Sora or other simplistic characters. I know that the target demographic for Kingdom Hearts is pretty young. And in the end, I think Axel’s character was a victim of that. Nomura tried to write him very authentically at first.
But his characterization was dumbed down to fit in with a largely tween/teen audience and their preferences. I don’t say that to be disparaging to younger fans or anything. But, had KH3 not been a Disney property, and had it been targeted to a slightly older audience, I think Axel and his relationships would have been handled a LOT differently.
I definitely think the Sea-Salt Trio was VERY misunderstood by the fandom. Axel has known Saïx for at least 10 years. Probably more. Even before their backstory was explained, you could tell they have been through hell together in the organization, without anyone else to trust besides each other. Axel was willing to do all of his dirty work. 
Then Axel meets Roxas and Xion. Two kids who—let’s be honest—are about on the level of your average fifth grader. Not a bad thing. They’re just very naive and childlike and he obviously can’t be 100% himself around them. Do people really think Axel is gonna replace his best friend so easily with two kids he’s known for less than a year? Apparently, yes. Let’s look how absurd it is.
Day 75
Inseparable
The Genie we met in Agrabah said he and his friend Al are "inseparable." Axel told us best friends can be inseparable even if they're not always together, but it sounded like he wasn't too sure about it himself. I thought Axel knew everything. Oh well...
At this point, Axel spent quite a while at Castle Oblivion. He hasn’t even gotten to know Roxas that well, and he’s only known Xion for a few days. It’s totally realistic that he’d say he doesn’t have a best friend. He sounds like he knows what it’s like to have a best friend, though. He just doesn’t have one anymore.
Day 96
Roxas: I just…want these days to last forever. Hanging out, the ice cream, the sunsets…
Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.
Roxas: Yeah?
Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?
Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.
Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.
Not even two weeks later, he’s acting all touchy-feely about the time they spend hanging out together. Roxas and Xion make fun of him because even they know they’re not really that close, lol. They hardly know each other at this point. If you read between the lines, you could tell that he was thinking about Saïx here, too.
Friends
Author: Axel
I feel like I’ve been spending more time talking to Roxas and Xion lately than my old friend, Saïx. This has to have been what it was like, friendship.
But if that wasn’t obvious enough, the report clears up all doubt. He WAS thinking about Saïx. The message I got was: Lea and Isa had a very close relationship as humans. They were the ones who were really inseparable. 
Axel misses that and, the more he remembers it, is desperate to fill the void. Every time he mentions “best friends,” it relates back to this. But this concept went “whoosh” over 90% of the fandom’s head. It baffles me. I really just don’t get it. Again, I have to think it’s due to the fact that this series skews really young. 
Day 118
You Changed, Not Me
Author: Axel
Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.
Anyways. Three weeks later. Axel is very hung up on the past. He sounds like a heartbroken lover (because that’s exactly what he is, if you ask me). The reason Axel spends so much time with Roxas and Xion is because Isa changed.
Day 150
Too Precious to Lose
Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can’t bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it’s our pasts, because that’s all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don’t remember my past, but the idea of losing the present–Axel or Xion–scares me.
A month later. Axel comes back from Castle Oblivion yet again, and he’s even more nostalgic for the past than last time. I bet Axel’s time at C.O was gonna be featured as a blank period in BBSV2. But whatever. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his memories of the past.
The reason Axel treasured his memories so much was because it’s all he had left after losing something. OBVIOUSLY it’s because of his relationship with Isa. I mean, duh. It implies a pretty special connection between Axel/Lea and Saïx/Isa for him to feel that way, especially considering how mean Saïx is to him.
I’m not trying to trash Axel’s feelings for Roxas and Xion, either, or make them out to be unimportant. They were important to him, for sure. But they absolutely did not reach Isa’s level of importance to him. No fucking way. Not. Even. Close. Especially not on Day 150. By the end of the story, Axel couldn’t bear to lose Roxas and Xion because they were all he had to fill the void of Isa.
That’s not to say that he didn’t care about them as friends, or that he was just using them. It just means that I don’t think Axel really would want to be “inseparable” with Roxas and Xion once he was mentally and emotionally healthy. He’d want to be friends with them, of course, but not hang out every day like Hayner, Pence, and Olette. He’s not on the same level as Roxas and Xion. And that’s fine.
Terra: Protect the things that matter… Right. My friends matter to me, too. So, I still have things that I have to protect.
To use a comparison, Riku was very important to Terra. I LOVED the connection between them. Other than Lea and Isa, one of the things I was most excited to see in KH3 was Riku and Terra reuniting (yeah…). They had a very special bond. Riku helped comfort Terra when he was down. But. Riku was NOT as important to Terra as Aqua and Ven were. Even if Terra had spent a whole year with Riku, he still wouldn’t be as important to Terra as Aqua and Ven.
Roxas and Xion being portrayed as the most important people to Axel is as ridiculous to me as Riku being portrayed as the most important person to Terra. It would be weird if 99% of the fanart out there depicted Riku as Terra’s best friend and Terra’s reunion with Riku got more spotlight in KH3 than his reunion with Ven and Aqua.
That’s how I feel about the Sea-Salt Trio. I really liked it for what it was in Days. A complex, morally grey friendship between an emotionally damaged adult and two innocent kids. But I really don’t like the overly saccharine, cutesy, cuddly, one-dimensional fandom version of it, where Axel is treated like he’s on the same level as the two teens. It’s a testament to how young the fandom is that people really thought Lea would be “meh” about reuniting with his childhood best friend who’s been possessed for 10 years, and be waaaay more excited about getting to eat ice cream with two teens every day once again. 
Day 172
What’s Love?
On my mission at Beast’s Castle, Xaldin told me about "love” and the special power it has over people. I tried to ask Axel about it, but his explanation didn’t make any sense to me. Every time I ask him about this kind of thing, he tells me I need a heart to understand. It’s like he’s dodging the questions.
Axel tolerates severe emotional abuse from his possessed best friend because he loved him back when he was normal. He copes by with his extremely shitty life by living entirely in the past, through his memories. Hanging out with two kids helps him remember his old life, back when he was happy. God, he was such a fascinating character. Such wasted potential.
Day 193
Best Friends
Xion's awake now. The three of us were gonna go get some ice cream after our mission, but she passed out again, so we had to take her home. I talked with Axel in her room until she woke up. He said the three of us were best friends—inseparable. 
Axel said he had no best friend on Day 75. Now it’s Day 193. That’s only 119 days. That’s less than four months!! He gets in a fight with Saïx, who, once again, says he’s changed. A very sore topic for Axel. Then immediately afterwards, he says these two kids are his best friends.
If I was gonna compare it to real life: Let’s say Lea and Isa were two normal high school kids who were kidnapped and raised in a gang. Axel is a 25/26 year-old former gang member. He’s got blood on his hands. He’s a good person deep down, but he’s seen a lot of shit. Then he meets these two fifth graders. This adult gang member, with tear-drop tats and everything, suddenly starts calling these two fifth graders his best friends. He wants to spend all of his time eatig ice cream and playing Minecraft with them.
If this was real life, would anyone say how cute it is that they are best friends? Two kids who he had to teach the concept of “best friends” to? NO! No, they’d say that’s unhealthy and weird and that the guy needs therapy. Because it IS unhealthy and weird. Perhaps it easier to see that as an adult. Perhaps it’s easier to see it in a romanticized way when you’re young.
The Sea-Salt Trio was, in a way, Axel forcing the label of “best friends” on two kids in an attempt to cope with the heartbreak of his loss of innocence. It did have genuine cuteness and sweetness. Of course it did. Axel was not a predator or anything. Roxas and Xion loved him. Axel loved them. But…it wasn’t as cutesy and wholesome as people make it out to be. At least not from Axel’s end. It wasn’t JUST a cute wholesome trio. 
That’s what made it so good. It was complex and grey. Axel never went against the organization, even though he could have if he really wanted to. It got to the point where he nearly killed both Roxas and Xion, just because he couldn’t bring himself to go against the organization. And the reason he couldn’t go against the organization was because of Saïx. Yes. Axel came thiiiiis close to killing both Roxas and Xion for a sociopath who treated him like shit. Their friendship was very dysfunctional and had a lot of kinks to work out.
Again, I’m not trying to denigrate the bond Axel had with Roxas and Xion. It was still genuine and sweet, in a sad and messed up way. I can still appreciate the cuteness of it.
But I hated the Sea-Salt reunion in KH3. Because it only focused on the most one-dimensional, saccharine and cutesy portrayal of them possible. They didn’t have to talk about anything. It was just instant hugging and ice cream, now they’re best friends forever. Everything played up to the max to manipulate people’s emotions. None of their issues were worked out and they had no better understanding of each other than they did at the end of Days. Honestly, even though Roxas and Xion got the red carpet treatment compared to Isa, the resolution to their trio was just as pathetic as Isa/Lea’s duo. 
2 notes · View notes
yasuda-yoshiya · 6 years ago
Text
Thoughts on Revolutionary Girl Utena
So, as a first step in my ongoing effort to detox from 800 episodes of card games and expand my anime horizons a little, I've spent the last month or so watching Utena. Wow, what a cool and fascinating series! It honestly felt to me like a really strikingly bold and subversive show even by today's standards, let alone for the time it was made. Having had some time to think on it, here are some tentative thoughts:
While I definitely enjoyed and felt engaged with this show the whole way through, I think the last few episodes were what really pulled it all together for me. Up to that point, I absolutely loved Utena and Anthy as characters and their relationship, and found the general surreal presentation and aesthetics of the show really consistently beautiful and intriguing in a way that made it always feel engaging to watch, but it also felt like a kind of episodic and disjointed show where the various characters' stories didn't really seem to connect with or impact each other in any meaningful way.
But the endgame of the series was where it really took me by surprise in how it went so far beyond what I would have expected! The way the show had been framed up until then, I was basically expecting the big finale to be about Utena definitively making the choice to be Anthy's "prince" and rejecting the role of the "princess" that Akio wanted to push on her - and I would still have really appreciated and admired the show even for that alone, for Utena's gender non-conforming presentation and relationship with Anthy being portrayed so positively in general and for the way her feeling pressured to be more like a "normal girl" was always so explicitly framed as the "wrong choice" by the narrative - but I felt like the show really took things a step further in not just upholding Utena's role as the prince but outright rejecting the prince/princess framework and the hierarchy of the dueling game system altogether. It felt like such a daring ending to me in the way it totally breaks down and reframes the whole premise of the series up to that point, and made me look at a lot of the characters and themes of the series in a whole new light! It honestly made me realise that I'd probably been projecting my expectations of this kind of story on Anthy in much the same way as Utena had, and it made the show end up feeling really intelligent and insightful to me in its willingness not just to overturn gender role expectations on traditional romantic narratives and flip the bird to heteronormativity (which it still absolutely does, and does very well), but also to really question and criticise the assumptions behind those narratives on a fundamental level.
And the more I think about the series since then, the more I feel like so much of the series' broader imagery and themes really clicks for me in that light? The whole system of dueling over the Rose Bride feels like a very apt metaphor for the way so much of mainstream society and media does present romantic love, as a struggle to "win" your ideal partner as proof of your self-worth and as a magic cure for all your personal unhappiness and insecurities, as a sort of contest where the “losers” who can’t “get” a partner look up at the “winners” with envy and resentment - and the way Akio ultimately pulls back the curtain on that system to reveal that the ideal castle that all those people were fighting to reach was just a false image he was projecting to them to serve his own ends, that their attempts to escape their insecurities and "revolutionise the world" through winning the duels were really just upholding and reinforcing the status quo, felt really powerful to me. While I was watching the show, a lot of the side characters and their subplots had sort of frustrated me at times with their frequent emphasis on unrequited love stories that felt really obviously shallow and unhealthy, but I felt like the last few episodes really successfully reframed a lot of that to me as a remarkably perceptive commentary on just how much those kinds of empty romantic ideals and societal conventions can constrain people and warp their individual potential on a systematic scale.
In that sense, I feel like I can really appreciate the show's portrayal of how even fundamentally decent people like Miki and Saionji can be warped by the system into people willing to objectify Anthy and fight to possess her as a way of alleviating their own insecurities, even when they wouldn't have been naturally inclined to be that kind of person, through the pressure of the people around them accepting it as the norm and the false promise of the ideal happiness waiting on the other side. How people like Wakaba and Keiko can be made to believe that happiness is impossible for them and to resent the people around them for "stealing their happiness away", because everything around them has led them to the subconscious belief that the only "happiness" out there is being noticed by a popular guy like Touga or Saionji. Even Utena, the one who most explicitly rejects the dueling system and specifically sets out to treat Anthy as a real person with her own autonomy, still ends up unconsciously projecting her own ideals on her and playing into the established system in the ways she goes about being her "prince", because the influence of those flawed ideals and norms is so deep and pervasive that it's almost impossible not to internalise some of it.
It feels like something I can definitely relate to as someone who absolutely did buy into a lot of that crap as a teenager and seriously hurt other people as a result - and while I did eventually manage to break out and see the toxicity of the system for what it was, it's also horribly easy for me to see how easy it must be for people to stay constrained by it and live out their whole lives without "breaking the world's shell", without even realising how the toxic assumptions they've inherited from "the world" are killing them and distorting the ways they interact with other people - how their attempts at escaping from their insecurities are hurting themselves and others, and ultimately just perpetuating the same system that's strangling them. Akio is a horrifying villain because the ways he insidiously manipulates and influences the people around him feel absolutely real - he's able to play to people's vulnerabilities and unexamined assumptions, to make them follow along with his script while keeping them always genuinely believing that they're making their own independent decisions and fighting for their own happiness and fulfilment. It's very hard to fight something that embeds itself on such a deep and unconscious level in people's basic assumptions and frameworks for viewing themselves and the world, where people don’t even see the ways it’s influencing them.
But I think Utena's ending feels very honest and hopeful in acknowledging that, while the system can't really be defeated or destroyed by individual people in any meaningful way, what people CAN do is make the decision to step outside it and not allow it to have power over them - and, hopefully, to inspire other people to be able to make that choice for themselves too. That part towards the end of the film where the other student council members came to the rescue and helped Utena and Anthy escape, wishing them well in the outside world - "We still haven't found our own way out yet, but we'll definitely get there some day" - honestly made me tear up a little! It really communicated a strong sense of hope to me in the idea that these kids might have made a lot of mistakes and still have a lot of growing up to do, but it's still possible for them to break free from Ohtori and everything it represents the same way Utena and Anthy did - that the present doesn't have to keep following the way of the past. It’s still possible for the next generation to escape it and leave it behind. The whole imagery around the film's ending - "it may be a world without roads, but we can build them" - felt really uplifting and beautiful to me as well; as ridiculously bizarre and surreal as the film was in a lot of ways, it felt like it capped off the series' themes really nicely.
All in all, I ended up feeling really fulfilled and satisfied with this show! It feels like a very deliberate series that's extremely conscious of everything it wants to do, and generally executes it well. I would say I probably didn’t really connect with a lot of the individual character arcs on a particularly deep level - Juri's resolution with that one guy who popped in completely out of nowhere felt particularly odd to me, and I wasn't a huge fan of Nanami or Touga either - but I think it really nailed the bigger picture in terms of its thematic project and the ideas it wanted to convey, and on the whole I feel like I just have a huge amount of respect for the things it had to say and the way it went about saying them. The whole imagery of the setting with the school as an isolated, self-contained world with its inhabitants unknowingly being overseen and controlled by Akio from his tower as "the highest place in this world" really feels like such a strong and vivid metaphor to me, and I honestly felt really impressed with just how perceptively and accurately the show manages to portray the subtleties of the various ways social and patriarchal pressures really do operate on people (and on young teenagers who are still figuring out how love and relationships work in particular). It's weird to say about such a surreal and often goofy series, but I honestly feel like I haven't seen a story that approaches those kinds of subjects with this kind of clarity, and I feel like this show's framework has honestly helped me to reexamine and better understand a lot of my own messy teenage experiences as well. Definitely a show whose whole feels like more than the sum of its parts for me, I think, and one that I expect is going to stick with me for quite some time!
104 notes · View notes
thank-your-lucky-stars · 7 years ago
Text
I’m about to post a mammoth essay about the Roles of Fandom, but just to prove that I’m not a total hypocrite who isn’t immune to the Fandom Game, I’m going to tell you the roles that I myself have played in fandoms over the years - and trust me, some of this is really ugly!!
I can actually say I’ve fit into several of the Roles I list in my post, at one time or another. I have been the Popular Blog (the nicer-version, I hope!), but I’ve also been a bit of a Troublemaker too (not in an extreme way, and only from time to time; I have definitely said slightly provocative things about a certain band or band member who I believed to be problematic in order to stir up a little debate. It was never about hurting or offending people personally, but it was definitely in order to get people talking.) I have been a “I’m Just Here to have a Good Time” blog, but I’ve never really been a Fence Sitter, although I guess there have been times where I may have dabbled in that area. I also tried to be The Peacekeeper, but....that never really worked out for me, that was definitely a forced role and not something I slipped into naturally, even though I am someone who strives for peace, that specifics of that role definitely wasn’t for me.
I have, however, been a Mean Girl. I wasn’t actually mean to anyone, but I was a part of a group that could be rather unpleasant (they weren’t like hardcore Mean Girls, but they had a vibe and could be cold and bitchy, although as far as I’m aware and can remember, they were never openly nasty to anyone (that I know of?), not like the more extreme level of Mean Girls) however, they could behave in ways that weren’t cool and even though I was never really a part of that aspect, being friends with them certainly didn’t make me innocent. Who you associate with speaks volumes, and if people judged me for who I was mates with at that time then I do not blame them for that, because by being friends with these people - being a part of their gang - I was enabling some of the more unpleasant aspects of the group, even if I didn’t agree with them. 
They were a clique, they had an edge, and I was kinda fascinated by it, which is why I somehow managed to get involved. It was very much a game to me from the start, it just took me a while to realise it. It was a toxic and manipulative environment, even after we left the forum where we met (this was long before the days of tumblr), and confined ourselves to an AIM chat. We literally named ourselves ‘The World’s Most Hated AIM Group’. It actually got worse then. The in-fighting and the power-playing and manipulation was gross, and I definitely played my part in that.
With a few of the girls in particular, it was sort of a fight to be the alpha-female of the group. It was feisty and filled with drama. I literally barely saw it as something that was real, it all seemed completely fake, like it was just all pretend - a game of make believe, if you will - because it was all so extreme and ridiculous and dramatic. These were mostly American girls, and they knew drama like no other. I wanted these people to be my friends because I kinda found it all entertaining, and incidentally I became closest to the worst one of the lot - she was the Queen Bitch™ for sure, a really nasty, manipulative girl. I didn’t trust my instincts. I went along with it because I was 18 and I was bored and I didn’t have many friends in my real life so I just thought it would be fun to be a part of something, even if it was a part of something with a bunch of people I barely even liked (one or two of them were alright actually).
I was actually already popular within that fandom (the MCR fandom) at that point (2007) and had been for over a year, but things had gotten a little stale and I was getting a little bored, which is why I wanted to sort of mix with these people who were as much fascinating as they were awful. It was only after I got out of it (after being absolutely ripped to shreds - publicly! - by the Queen Bitch - the one I had a rather bizarre relationship with) that I realised just how fucked up it all was, just how fucked up I had been to view something that ended up being so damaging to me as being a game. I mean, it was a game, but it certainly wasn’t a fun one.
I definitely had people distance themselves from me during the time I associated with those girls. My other fandom friends would say “that [Queen Bitch] can be so horrible” and I’d be like “yeah, I know.” Yet I’d still talk to her every single night. That made me fake, I didn’t pay attention to how it made other people feel by mixing with these people, and looking back that was 100% my bad. As a result of this, I am definitely somebody who judges people by the company they keep; be it in fandom, or in the real world. People were right to judge me or turn their backs on me, as I was enabling these people by “hanging out with them”, even though I knew they were shitty. My loyalty lied in the wrong place. I should’ve turned my back but I was ignorant at best and fucking stupid at worst. On some levels you could say I knew what I was doing, but I was a pretty messed up kid at the time and the biggest thing I learnt from that period was that I just desperately wanted difficult people to love me.
I only realised this a couple of years ago actually. I used to see someone edgy, popular, cool, stand-offish, and I’d make it my mission to “break” them, to make them care about me, when it seemed like they literally didn’t really care about anyone else. That’s what I did with the Queen Bitch. I wanted to be close to her because she appeared untouchable, because she wasn’t generally nice to people, and I wanted to be the exception. I suppose I wanted to make her not as much of a bitch anymore, I wanted to “fix” (ugh) her and make her nicer. And I said all the right things, things I didn’t mean, until I got her calling me her “best friend”. And when that wasn’t enough, I went even further. There’s stuff I won’t talk about, that I’ve never really spoken about, but it was so so messed up and while it taught me so much about myself and about other people and about fandom, it’s also something I’m pretty ashamed of to be honest.
But this was something that sort of went outside of fandom. Like I said, we eventually were banned left the forum where we met/were based, the most popular forum in the MCR fandom from 2005-2007, so it sort of went beyond fandom politics by the end. But that’s how we got there in the first place. There were power games at play right from the start.
I completely changed after that. I literally changed my hair and my wardrobe and made a new start for myself. That’s how much it affected me. I mean, I grew up, really, and that was the final kick up the bum that made me take steps to being more of the person I wanted to be. I’ve never mixed with shitty people since then. This was 10 whole years ago, so naturally people start to grow in their late teens/early 20s anyway, but I definitely count that period - about 6 months or so, I reckon - as a significant one in my young life.
And fandom led me to that??? The MCR fandom was absolutely wild from 2005-2007. The Black Parade era was insane. We just got so, so huge. Our forum had like 200,000 members or something. There were official monthly awards where everyone would vote in multiple categories; best writer, most helpful user, funniest member etc etc. - I won Best Writer about 4 months in a row, as I wrote a really successful fic. After that I used to win Most Helpful User, as I was a total nerd and knew everything there was to know, to the point where people called me Yoda. I lost that title once I joined the Mean Girls. These 200,000 members didn’t vote for me as much anymore.
So I’ve honestly had a taste of it all? I was at the top and I sort of sacrificed it because I got bored and wanted to spice things up by hanging with total bitches.
And it was years before I joined a fandom again, the Mnkees fandom in 2012, an already well established fandom with 2 or 3 very significant/popular blogs. I was there for the longest of any of my fandoms to be honest, before it sort of went to shit last year due to trolling. 
And my most recent fandom, the ED fandom, I wasn’t really a full-on, active member for long enough to really find myself in an established role. 
But like....I have definitely seen things from a lot of different perspectives, and I’m able to finish writing my essay about all the general roles within fandom a year after I initially started it, because I’m not currently in a fandom so I can sort of look at things from a neutral point of view and not be influenced by any current goings-on. 
But yeah, I just wanted to make it clear that I’m definitely unbiased when it comes to certain fandom behaviour as I myself have done some questionable shit in the past. I was young when I fucked up the most, and was able to grow, but while I know sometimes some people are sort of beyond getting past certain shit, it is also my belief that everyone has the ability to change and better themselves if their heart is in it.
Anyway I’m going to shut up as I’ve been writing for like two days straight LOL
5 notes · View notes