#these boys both have mental health issues and dont know how they should think about things and are really not in the both mental state

[butchdykekondraki]

its time for scp required reading... TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please for the love of god heed the fucking warnings im so serious . like as much as i want to keep the tone of this post jokey and funny you NEED to heed the warnings on these

ok with that out of the way. read about my blorbos boy

''incident 239-b clef-kondraki'' (general warning for violence and blood/gore) - this one fucks. thats all i have to say about it

''technical issues'' - this one's funny + im biased because i fucking love pat the tech guy

''routine psychological evaluations by doctor glass'' - again i have personal bias about this (<- simon glass enjoyer + host is a glass introj) + this ones funny + if you're more into the fanon versions of the foundation staff this is right up your alley

''tradition'' - halloween party fun :-)

''dr cimmerian hits reply all'' - this is exactly what it sounds like i don't now what to tell you

''stupid cupid / stupid cupid: stop picking on me!'' - my house my rules read about cimmerian and his boytoy

''hawaiian shirts'' - clef fucking Breaks. thats all i can say about this without exploding into viscera

''help me my (love for) my daughter was born too still'' (general warning for mentions of child death) - i have personal bias about this (<- #1 agatha rights enjoyer) but this tale is So Good in general and a super interesting look at how agatha perceives herself and her work/life balance

''so leave yourself alone.'' (warning for graphic depictions of vomit and attempted suicide) - REALLY really really good look at clef kind of dropping his cruel persona and iris' mental health struggles regarding the foundation

''yesterday'' (warning for violence and implied/reference suicide. kind of.) - :-( <- this is the only way i can express my emotions about this tale. anyway it's really good and an interesting way of showing clefs relationships with people

''an apple a day...'' - REALLY good look at how dr glass is as a person and how he acts with people + this entire tale fucks SEVERELY

''personal log of dr gears / personal log of █████ 'iceberg' ████'' - good example of how gears and iceberg both format their documents / how they speak + its vaguely gearsberg + this gives a look at how gears and iceberg met. read the gearsberg tale boy

''portraits of your father'' (warning for graphic alcoholism, suicide, survivors guilt, and blood/gore) - super good look at draven and his relationship with his father, and kondraki's alcoholism, and also talloran is there. also three cheers for dravoran

''life's cold'' - most normal day iceberg has at this fuckass foundation + this is a good look at how iceberg acts and thinks

''fond memories'' (warning for death and body horror) - draven proposes! Draven proposes.

''scp-3999'' (warning for bugs, paranoia, death, body horror, sexual assault/rape, unreality, self harm, and depictions of bodily mutilation) - unironically this one fucks me up so bad its so fucking good dude. go read about james talloran RIGHT NOW

''i stared into the face of everything and nothing and made it back alive'' - this one also fucks me up so bad like i dont even have anything to say. read about talloran and draven RIGHT NOW

''you are at the center of everything that happens to you'' - james talloran talks to himself. kind of.

''a suicide note'' (warning for mentions of rape, child murder, survivors guilt, and suicide) - interesting look at clefs thoughts on him and his work

''date night'' - objectum win! dr alto clef is objectoromantic AND objectosexual! <- that should tell you all you need to know about this one

''scp-4231 / montauk house'' (warnings for graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, child abuse/neglect, murder, domestic violence, verbal/physical abuse and survivor's guilt) - absolutely gut-wrenching look at alto clef/francis wojciechoski and why he's so fucked up. uh genuinely do read the warnings on this one because when i say graphic i am not exaggerating. all of these things are explored in detail and are genuinely triggering so.

''okay, that's enough, let's get you home'' (warnings for some dubious make-out sessions, (mentioned) suicide, implications of rape/sexual assault, and vomit) - shameless moldhouse plug sorry not sorry. HIGHLY recommend reading this and it's other parts in their entirety because it genuinely drives me up the fucking wall it is So good. i will sing moldhouses praises until my throat goes out. read moldhouse Now

''duke 'till dawn'' - bpd king!!!!! anyway i dont have a lot of thoughts on this its just really good. also i didnt know dracula was an actual scp until i read this which is kind of funny to me

''rights' birthday party'' - my house my rules you're going to read about agatha rights whether you like it or not

''sex at a frigid temperature'' - again, my house my rules. read the depressing gearsberg tale, boy.

''7 things that new level 3 researchers should know'' - i dont have any thoughts on this i just think this one has really cool formatting

''home is where i want to be'' - no greater thoughts this is just really neat i think. also kiryu labs is in it and im biased as fuck

''gentle wings flutter quietly in the dark'' - read about zyn kiryu NOW

[siriuslyarrogant]

Snapshots of a teenage heartbreak

I didnt want to genderbend the characters or change the pronouns of the song. The song , She by Dodie is here

/Am I allowed to look at her like that? Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at?/

Jack first notices him across the ice - how didn't he notice before in the locker room or the meetings. His eyes are bright and gleaming and the way he moves on the ice is a thing of beauty. Jack realises it's not admiration for a teammate when Kent catches his eye and smiles. Jack's heart is beating out of his chest. Jack knows that keeping this hidden is going to make him paranoid - it will give his brain more to worry about. However Jack thinks Kent's smile might be worth it.

/I'd never tell. No I'd never say a word./

Kent's smile isn't worth it. Not when it's also shining bright when their teammates are joking about in the locker room. Joking about it like it isn't something that makes Jack want to shut himself in the bathroom and curl in on himself. He could make them stop - he's the captain, they would listen to him. But Kent is making it into some crazy story, playing up the golddigger storyline like it's some movie. Then one of their teammates - Thomson - finally has enough of Kent's performance and says "Shut the fuck up. No wonder Zimmermann isn't giving you the chance to pawn his money off him, you're so goddamn annoying."

Another teammate - this time Scott, Jack thinks, says "Yeah, he'll probably have to go through all the girls in Canada before even thinking about a guy taking his cash - much less you."

They're wrong. They're so wrong but Jack can't correct them, his feet are struck and his eyes are avoiding Kent's. Jack is going to have to get uses to controlling his heartbeat and remembering that people can't read his brain. Remembering no one knows how he feels. Remembering to not yell out that they shouldn't treat their teammates like that and that his first choice would be Kent - always will be.

/And oh it aches. But it feels oddly good to hurt./

Jack has been ignoring Kent for the past two days - asides from a couple times at practice. He does to see if it would get rid of some of his feelings - it doesn't. Jack knew falling for Kent was a bad idea, terrible for his future and awful for his mental health - yet he did it. It's not Kent's fault so Jack shouldn't blame him - can't blame him really. Every time Jack thinks about kissing Kent his hands shake but still there is about a hundred scenarios in that Jack thinks about doing it. Maybe one day if Jack actually does kiss him, his hands won't shake.

/And I'll be okay. Admiring for afar./

Sometimes all Jack needs is Kent meeting his eye across the rink or, seeing him laugh with their teammates at a party or, bobbing his head to music while studying, to be happy. To remind himself that this is enough. That he doesn't have to take Kent on dates or say "That's my boyfriend" when Kent scores a goal, to still be Kent's.

/Cause even when she's right next to me we could not be more far apart./

They had another fight. It might've been Jack's fault this time - but he stopped counting long ago. Jack doesn't know how it started this time but it ended the same as always - with Kent mentioning the draft. He knows Kent finishes their fights like that so that he will win. Kent knows that Jack will close off when he mentions it. Jack also knows that Kent doesn't know that nearly everytime he says something about being first pick, afterwards Jack has take another pill. Even though Jack actually thinks Kent should go first, not him. Just everyone will criticise Jack if he doesn't be the best of the best.

/Cause she tastes like birthday cake and story time and fall. But to her. I taste of nothing at all./

Jack is laying in a hospital bed. He knows he missed the draft, knows that is where Kent is, knows that's why Kent isn't here. But Jack still wants him, he tries to explain to his parents that he wants to see Kent but they just say he needs rest.

It's the day after the draft and the doctor asks him if he purposely took too much, if the pressure of hockey was too much. Jack answers honestly and when the doctor lets his parents in he hopes Kent is also with them - he's not. His parents say he's on the plane to Las Vegas. Jack lost him and hockey at the same time. Somehow this wasn't one of the scenarios in which he thought he would.

---

/And she smells like lemongrass and sleep. She tastes like apple juice and peach./

In between the 8 hours of the draft and getting on a plane to Vegas, Kent tries to tell his mum he has to go see Jack. His mum just says that Jack needs rest and Kent can see him later. Kent is going to be across the country, later. His mum must realise that he needs to be alone because she leaves their hotel room to get some ice.

In the scenarios Kent thought up about his draft day he was always with Jack. He would wake up on the day of the draft with Jack in his bed and then they would go first and second. It wouldn't matter what order. Kent had a million goodbye speeches ready for when one of them headed to New York and the other to Las Vegas. Kent didn't think the last thing he would do with Jack before leaving was kiss him goodnight two days before the draft. He didn't think to remember how it felt to kiss him. Didn't think to make last forever.

/You would find her in a Polaroid picture. And she means everything to me./

Before getting on the plane, Kent opens his wallet to see the photo he put there over a year ago of him and Jack. He remembers the day Alicia took it, they were laughing at Bob. Kent's smiling at Jack like he is the best thing ever. Kent still thinks that. Will always think that. Jack Zimmermann will always be the best thing that happened to Kent. And Kent doesn't know if Jack will ever talk to him again.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

As an Infinity Train fan, I know Simon's death caused controversy for the crew for both the violence, the fact that a worse adult with a much lamer excuse got redeemed, & the writer's ableist comments in regards to Simon saying people with NPD deserve to be killed. I don't want anything like that for Izzy or Our Flag means death in general, ableism and double standards aren't cool.

i didn’t know that abt the writer saying ableist shit, that’s fucked up. but also i’d like to see a source for that, if possible.

i was never super involved in the infinity train fandom, so i was only tangentially aware that there were ppl unhappy with simon’s ending and i didn’t really dig into why that was. if i'm being honest, what happened was i saw a few posts where people were downplaying or justifying what simon did to grace as part of their argument for why he should've been redeemed, and i decided i didn't want to hear what those ppl had to say. like "oh, you think the white boy who tried to kill the black girl (twice! or, once, and the other time he tried to trap her forever in a prison of her own memories) should get redeemed? alright, cool, well i liked the ending, and i don't want to hear your opinions. bye."

so yeah, didn't get close enough to the discourse to know about the writer saying shit or hear the argument that simon's death was ableist. i’ll admit that i’m not super informed abt NPD, but i wasn’t aware that he was written/coded that way. like, genuinely asking, i don’t know a lot abt the writer’s intentions, so WAS he written to have NPD, or was that somewhat accidental? if it was intentional, i’ll take this back, but if it WASNT, then idk how ableist simon’s ending actually is??? obviously, the writer saying ppl with NPD deserve to die is ableist as fuck, but in and of itself i didn’t see simon’s story as a damnation of ppl with mental health issues. the only disorder i would’ve guessed he had on my own would be PTSD, and grace had the same trauma he did but didn’t make the same awful choices.

either way, i don’t think the Ableism part of simon’s death would be relevant to izzy, bc as far as i know he’s Not written to have NPD or any other personality disorders. obviously i also don’t want ofmd writers saying ppl with personality orders should die, and i don’t want to be told by the writers later that “oh yeah, izzy DOES have NPD and that’s why we killed him off.” but as of right now i don’t see an izzy hands death arc as being inherently ableist.

ngl also my memory of infinity train is pretty hazy and i thiiink the “worse adult with a lamer excuse” ur referring to is amelia? (was that her name? the old lady with the braid). again, it’s been a while, but idk if i’d call her WORSE. morality is a nebulous social construct but imo the two of them are like, at about the same level of grey?? from what i remember, amelia was fucking up the train with no regard for anyone else, but she wasn’t actively trying to kill anyone. simon didn’t know the train guys were like, real living people, so i don’t REALLY hold him responsible for that at first, but the way he treats grace towards the end of the season is uh. bad. even BEFORE he throws her off the train. but yeah, throwing his bestie to her death kinda brings him about even to amelia, imo

more importantly tho, when it comes to redemption arcs, i don’t know that it really matters if one character is Better or Worse or if they Deserve to be redeemed. amelia's redemption wasn't so much a matter of "well, the things she did weren't that bad," or even about other characters forgiving her. it was about her realizing she was harming people, and deciding to dedicate what's probably going to be the rest of her life to trying to fix the mess she made. simon's lack of redemption wasn't about "he's irredeemable" or even about how "he deserves this" (i don't think he deserved what happened to him. i dont think ANYONE deserves what happened to him. but narratively speaking, it was a very satisfying ending). simon didn't get redeemed bc he refused to change, he refused to accept he was hurting people, and when his feelings were hurt he responded way out of proportion (your best friend lies to you to protect a child that she KNOWS you'll kill if you learn the truth, so you trap her in a catatonic state and leave her to die?? alright). and like, yeah, he's a fictional character, they wrote him doing those things. but the story they were telling with grace and simon in that season (and the bigger story about amelia that they didn't get to finish) was a bigger conversation that just "this person is Too Bad to get a happy ending." there are certain types of characters that i would never want to see redeemed, but usually for bigger reasons than just "the thing they did was Too Evil to be redeemable" (like, i don't need to see a story about a racist cop being redeemed, bc racist cops are excused from any accountability every day irl). truthfully, if the writers are good enough, i could be sold on a redemption arc for almost any character. i don't see simon vs amelia as a "double standard" bc the choice to redeem amelia and not simon wasn't about "who's More Evil," it was abt what kind of choices can ppl make with to rectify the harm they've caused.

as for the violence of simon's death: yeah actually that was rlly fucked up i can't believe they did that shit on a cartoon network show. i enjoyed the hell out of it, but if i was like... [NUMBER REDACTED] years younger, i would've had nightmares for months. but also the writer's didn't WANT to be making a children's show, they said they wished they could've targeted a slightly older age bracket. also, this one's not relevant to ofmd, bc ofmd' is not for children and it is plenty violent

anyway, point is that i obviously don't want the ableism (which i didn't know about) to be part of an izzy hands Death Arc. but the tragedy of simon's death (bc it is a tragedy; even if you don't like him, you are supposed to feel bad for him) and the way it happened as a result of simon's refusal to change, those aspects of simon's death would be interesting to see in a death for izzy hands. idk if it'll happen, especially since con says he thinks izzy "wants to get better but doesn't know how" (which imo is debatable, but i guess that's how con's played him so far). there's a good chance izzy will be shown how to get better and will choose to get better, and i think that ending would be very well-written and satisfying. however, i know ofmd is gonna be chock-full of happy endings, so my point was just that i would be interested in seeing how the writers would do a tragic ending. my reaction to book 3 of infinity train was one of shock and horror and sadness, and that more than anything is the vibe of tragedy i would want for izzy's character

[twatshag]

"Can I ask you something?"

♤ In which haikyuu boys ask you personal questions ♤

Pairings: iwaizumi x reader, osamu x reader, kuroo x reader All gn!!

Warnings: mentions of death(not the characters), suggestive topics, mentions of daddy issues, mention of past troubles, insecurities, mentions of exs cheating, crying

Genre: fluff, slightly angsty but still fluffy.

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A/N: In honour of mental health month I wanted to write this piece to make you guys feel loved by the boys ! You are loved and cared for and as much as I hated hearing it but things WILL get better. Stay strong I want you to fight.- Kira

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Miya Osamu

You and your boyfriend were cuddling against one another in your bed it was a routine you both loved doing on your free days. Basking in each others warmth while talking about your days and what the future holds.

Osamu's laugh rang through the bedroom walls while he played with your hair. "And then she literally drops her cake right onto my laptop and it freakin' broke it!!" "Ma god angel was tha cake that hard?" "You have no idea how much I wanted to punch her for one, baking a cake that was literally so hard if I ate a rock it would've been softer and two for breaking my freaking laptop !".

Osamu chuckled once again as he kissed your forehead and you frowning because of how can he find the awful events that you've been dealing with all week funny at all.

"There there angel A don't want ya getting forehead wrinkles from frowning too hard ya know." He chuckled while poking your ticklish sides earning a slap on his hand. "Jeez I think I'd literally cry if I ever got them." Osamu smiled against your hairline as the conversation came to a halt maybe this was the right moment to ask what he's been thinking about all week he thought.

"Angel can a ask you something?". You tilted your head to look at him while he gazed right back at you while popping an eyebrow at his question "is your question going to be 'can ya help me get off?' ? Because your answer is no."

Osamu chuckled and rolled his eyes at your so bold statement just a while back in your relationship you'd be blushing profusely if he made any type of suggestive comment wondering what happened to his innocent S/o.

"Nah angel I'm serious here". Noticing his serious features you decided to nod and see what he has to say.

Gulping he decided to ask away. "What made ya believe in love again? Ya know after yer ex had cheated on ya?" Your eyes widened at his sudden question earning a worried panicked look from him. Looking around the room to avoid this awkward situation he put himself into "Y-ya dont hafta answer ya know A- a Just couldn't-" "you."

His eyes met yours with a dumb founded expression you deciding to continue on since there was no backing down now. I mean you always knew that one day he'd ask you about it but it still made you sink a bit when he did.

"I mean sure of course there would be times where you smelled different or something and I'd panic or times you got so many notifications on your phone and i'd let my past get the better of me and snoop but after 3 months of dating, you told me something that just healed everything I've been through."

You smiled at him and he looked back at you with a curious look to what his so called healing words were.

"You told me you loved me. And I know that sounds so stupid" you laughed heavily releasing the lump in your throat.

"But the way you looked at me was like an unspoken promise to never hurt me like he did." You shrugged smiling at him and burying your face against his chest.

Osamu was dumbfounded by your response sure he knew he might be the reason but confirmation doesnt make the love sick smug grin on his face and the warmth rising to it any less effective.

He held you as tight as he can. "God angel ya really know how to get a man flustered say how bout ya help me get o-" "no" "Angelllllllllllll" you scoffed at him and hit his chest. "Shut up and sleep Miya" to which he laughed at the sound of his last name even when you were upset and you addressed him by his last name he can't help but smile at how beautiful it sounded coming from you. "Yer breaking ma heart here angel don't make me take yer cuddling rights." Chuckling as your grip around him tightened and drifting off to sleep together while he played with your hair.

Making mental note to always be the one who heals you forever because you were the one who healed him too and God did he love you so much for everything that you did.

Iwaizumi Hajime

Today was your regular late night drive throughs and talks about your life while stuffing your face with fast food with your beefy athletic trainer boyfriend.

As you brought the sandwich to your mouth and took a big bite you moaned at the heavenly taste earning a chuckle from the green eyed man next to you.

"Can't believe I'm not the one who's making you moan that way but a sandwich."

You rolled your eyes at his snarky comment while stuffing your mouth with the sandwich "shushth up iwa-chanth".

"Jeez who knew romance was dead L/n and I told you stop calling me that and don't speak with a mouth full last time you did you had to clean my car seat" he laughed earning an intensive glare his way from you.

You swallowed and thought about a good come back for a second. "I wasn't the one who threw up in my cup holder was I? Iwaaa-chaaaannnn" making sure to drag the annoying nickname out just to tease him.

He rolled his eyes at you "you're such a brat, doll and you know how I can't deal with spicy food who's fault was that?" You laughed "oh shut up, you loved me for the after care you got Hajime." "I'll think about it."

Smacking his chest lightly as you both laughed into the night.

Should I ask ? I really don't want to pry. I mean it's been weeks since they've told me about it and I dont want them to feel alone maybe I shouldn't ask them iwaizumi thought to himself while staring at the sandwich in his hands. But before he could decide he was snapped back to reality by your voice "not hungry Haji?" Before he could settle on a decision the words have already come out of his mouth.

"Doll can I ask you something?" You raised an eye brow at his sudden serious tone and you nodded "of course, anything haji-baby" feeling the atmosphere turn tense you decided to pull out the favourite nick name card and he smiled nervously.

"Do you miss her?" You felt your heart sink. Your friend had gotten into an accident talking with her boyfriend while driving resulting them in a critical state which lead to them passing away. You smiled weakly.

"Yes I do.." he stared at you worried that he might've crossed a line or broke a boundary but before he could overthink you opened your mouth to speak again.

"But you know, my care taker always told me something that always stuck to me about death. They said Nobody dies before age" he frowned confusingly. "What do you mean?" He asked eager to know what your statement meant.

"It means that when a person passes away they've served their purpose and they accomplished what they wanted to on earth so they go into their next step. A life even better than what they've gotten." You gazed at him smiling of course it hurt, alot but your friend was very successful and very happy when you went to the funeral and walked up to her casket the way she lied there was a peaceful sight. Slight smile on her face despite her body being cold.

As much as it hurt saying good bye you couldn't help but smile at how happy she looked to earn peace of an even better life in the next. Leaving her pain behind her.

Iwaizumi reached to hold your hand thinking he couldn't possibly be more in love how foolish he thought.

"You're really strong you know that?" You laughed heavily squeezing his hand while a few tears slipped out of your eyes. "Its a part of life you know its just it always hurts when they leave but it makes me at ease knowing that something better is out there for them."

You looked up at your boyfriend who was tearing up in front of you exchanging silent smiles and promises to never be sad when anything happens to you both individually because at the end of the day the light at the end of the tunnel is always brighter than the start.

Kissing in the dead of night as a confirmation to what you both were thinking and agreeing to your promise. While he held you in his arms remembering to always make you feel better because even though his job was draining coming home to you and embracing you was something that always, always made him feel better. Hoping that it would be your cure as well.

Kuroo Tetsuro

"Kitten! Come help me with this!" Kuroo whined as he was trying to hang up the drawn portrait of your pet dog on the wall. Today was just a normal lazy day in the kuroo & L/n household. "Tetsu- stop whining can't you see I'm busy here" you rolled your eyes at your 6'2 pouting boyfriend who's suddenly bad at everything he can do alone knowing damn well he just uses it as an excuse to be close to you.

Despite what everyone thought of Kuroo he sure was the clingy type in fact if you got up to the bathroom during the night he'd whine about how you don't love him anymore because you left his arms.

Walking over to you trying to put the portrait into different frames you had placed on the floor deciding which one would look the best on the wall. He crouched down to your level and hugged you from behind while resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Kitten don't use that sassy tone with me I'm still your senpai chibi-chan." You giggled and rolled your eyes at his silly nickname "you know that it's been 5 years since high school right ?" He smirked at you and kissed your neck earning a whimper from you at the warm sensation. "But you're still my chibi-chan" "whatever you say captain"

you smiled at his warmth while sliding the portrait out of the frame you put it in. "Say chibi-chan, why don't you start calling me captain in bed?" You looked at him with the best deadpan expression you could make while he wiggled his eyebrows at you as a way to say 'whatcha think???' "No". You answered back.

you stood up grabbing the frame you thought fit best on the wall and he followed you like a lost puppy "oooohhh come on chibi-chan, how would that hurt? You refused to call me daddy you know!" You laughed at his annoying smug grin and rolled your eyes at his pouty face.

"I'm not calling you captain testu- besides why isn't testu enough for you? Sex is supposed to be intimate why would I call you something that I don't like thinking about." You chuckled,

but he knew better than anyone that your chuckle wasn't because you thought it was funny but because you were hiding the slight pain in your voice.

If you had anything common with kuroo it was that your home wasn't as perfect either. Your father was indeed home and he lived with you guys but if he wasn't it would've probably been for the better. And he knew about that.

"Kitten can I ask you something?" You rolled your eyes thinking this was going to be another bribe for you to call him some nick name during sexual intercourse but decided to play along. "Aye aye captain ask away." Popping the cardboard open to place the portrait inside the decided frame you heard him swallow and he opened his mouth to talk.

"Is it because of him?" You almost dropped the portrait from your hands. Grip hardening on the piece of paper in your hold.

You looked at him sadness reflecting your eyes trying to hide it behind your weak smile. You nodded. "Yeah. It is".

You didn't notice how your hand started shaking becoming angry and over rushed with every negative emotion in your body tears swelling up your eyes not noticing how your boyfriend was already by your side placing the paper you held so tightly on to the side while pulling you in to his chest and relaxing as you softened against him.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked you that." You sniffles against shaking your head. "No it's okay, it's just.." he placed his hand on your head tracing his thumb against your hair lightly something that always soothed you when your sad.

"I just don't want to remember him, You know and I still feel like it's my fault that he's the way he is, maybe if I-" "no."

Kuroo cut you off by lifting your chin up to look at him worry and pain plastered onto his face. How can anyone hurt you he thought.

"It's not your fault kitten, if anything he's the asshole. You didn't deserve him and his shitty behaviour if I was in his place I would've made sure to protect you even from myself."

You laughed while he wiped your tears and you leaned to his touch "you just made this sound gross testu" he chuckled and pulled you into his chest once again allowing you to hear his racing heart that only raced for you.

"guess I'm gross for making my kitten laugh while crying" you giggled wrapping your arms tightly around him, enjoying his warmth and love for a few seconds before mumbling. "Captain sounds nice.." giggling to yourself and suddenly yelping as he picked you up bridal style and kissing your lips making his way to the bedroom

"Tetsu put me down!!! We still didn't hang the portrait yet!!" He chuckled as you squirmed in his hold "nope I'm sure the portrait could wait right now I have to take this new nickname for a test drive" as he closed the door to the bedroom leaving you and your worries behind.

You knew that at the end of the day kuroo would never hurt you. Unless it's in bed but that's beside the point.. he truly loved you and while you laid in his arms that night completely bare he vowed to himself to always protect you. Even if that meant from himself.

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A/N: I hope that you guys enjoyed this piece dedicated to mental health month! Please don't ever doubt your feelings they are valid and you have every right to feel the way you feel thank you all for being the way you guys are ! Much love to everyone! Stay strong

P.S: ILL UPDATE AS SOON AS I GET MY REQUESTS OPEN!!!

- with love kira

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[reyeslonestar]

Lone star better square the hell up if they think we are just gonna accept this lame ass apology from Owen. It’s not nearly enough and the real apology that TK deserves. He has probably lived with this relationship with Owen his entire life or at least majority of it and that’s so sad. He seems so used to this that he just sat back and continued on with the intervention. I know that comment still hurts TK because of how he even brought it up. They need to circle back to this because I’m genuinely wondering what it’s gonna take for Owen to actually act like a good father. Loving your kid isn’t enough- you actually have to actively try to be a good parent. As in- remember they exist even when TK isn’t hurt or something. As in, don’t twist things around and play victim. All TK does is love his dad and yeah he gets frustrated with Owen because who wouldn’t but he still is always there. Owen straight up acted like TK didn’t exist when he thought Gwyn’s baby was his. He only said he would schedule the surgery because ‘he’s gonna be a dad’. He only jumps into father mode when TK was shot and kidnapped. Every other time??? It’s like oh TK is mad at me that’s why he is being a paramedic now. Like dude have you ever stopped to think that maybe it’s not all about you? He just wanted the switch to the paramedic job because he likes it. These little moments add up and make me wanna yell at Owen FOR tk

anon, we are in agreement. god, I want to get tk by the shoulders and tell him that owen’s bullshit is absolutely not his fault and he has done way more than should have been expected of him. then id like to slap Owen upside the head and frogmarch him into therapy. very regular therapy.

you’ve brought up a lot of interesting things here so im going to stick most of my thoughts under a cut.

ultimately I think that the things that underscore the problems of TK and Owen’s relationship are Owen’s inconstancy and unreliability. I think theres a decent splash of narcissism in there too, which leads to him pressuring and gaslighting people, unloading his problems on random people, making himself the victim in any given confrontation, and also his misguided heroism stunts. but the root of him and TK having a fractured relationship comes from TK being unable to rely on Owen. (and hoo boy does that make me emotional about the fact that TK finally has someone he can completely rely on with Carlos)

so your first point:

this lame ass apology from Owen

honestly there were two weak apologies that stuck out to me - the first being the one during the intervention about Owen ‘going to be a father’ - yay, acknowledgment - but TK deserves an proper apology, one that doesn’t feel offhand, and not when Owen feels pressured by the environment. im sure im not the only one that felt that comment was disingenuous - it didnt feel at all like Owen actually felt sorry, or understood the damage he’d done. and then again in the vets - it felt pointed to me that TK had to confirm Owen was still going to go through with the surgery after buttercup turned out to be okay. he understandably doesn’t trust Owen to hold himself to his promises, even one he made in the last five minutes, and I think that reflects on how he views the apologies - if Owen can flip back and forth on promises about his own health, what’s stopping him from giving insincere apologies?

He has probably lived with this relationship with Owen his entire life or at least majority of it and that’s so sad. He seems so used to this

yeah I think you’re absolutely right - I think everything about their relationship, including TK’s anxieties about Owen’s unreliability, stem from him feeling left behind during his childhood (something I talked about a lot here - I wrote that a few months ago but I stand by a lot of it). and those anxieties really came out this ep because Owen keeps being incredibly inconstant this season. (not inconstant as in inconsistent characterisation, inconstant as in an unreliable character)

something I mentioned in some of my tags yesterday (and that I want to really dive into more specifically at some point) was the emotional labour that I suspect TK has had to shoulder in order to maintain their relationship. Owen has been this consistently absent figure, so TK has worked himself into Owen’s work life to be physically close to him, but Owen’s emotional distance has meant TK has taken up the emotional work too in order to maintain their relationship, and that has kind of allowed them both to pretend to themselves that they have a good relationship, with much more of the strain of maintaining that facade falling on TK.

Loving your kid isn’t enough- you actually have to actively try to be a good parent.

everything you said here. absolutely. loving someone does not equal having a healthy relationship with them, and TK and Owen definitely dont have that. TK is evidently so hyper aware of how much Owen has ignored him when it suits him - it kills me to see the way that comment about being a father has obviously been eating at him for weeks - and I really hate how controlling Owen gets when TK is in danger, but then is so utterly absent when TK’s in a good place, or even bitter and hostile when TK makes positive choices for himself. again, I talked about this in detail in this post - basically, Owen has major control issues and dude needs therapy.

don’t twist things around and play victim.

oh man, this shit pissed me off. like, I get that the subjects of interventions often have hostile reactions, but gaslighting Mateo after pressuring him into drinking and emotionally unloading on him? holy shit Owen, no. and making himself to be the victim of situations that have nothing to do with him, like TK becoming a paramedic or oversharing to the vet and the kid sitting on the roof. like, I understand that mental illness can lead you to taking shitty actions, but it still makes them shitty actions.

They need to circle back to this because I’m genuinely wondering what it’s gonna take for Owen to actually act like a good father.

yeah! I dont know what to think about this in the show, because knowing the way the show heroises Owen, I don’t know whether they’ll feel that they need to address it further than those pathetic apologies. that said, we’ve got Owen and this arson case next week and there does seem to be a tone that shows Owen as an idiot, and frames him as wrong for going against the rules and trying to sneak into a crime scene. if im right, then there would be scope for this to be an overall arc of Owen learning to become self aware and understand that he is not the centre of the universe. I just hope the show bothers to do that.

in the immortal words of Michelle Blake: Owen, get a therapist!

[sithisreadingcorner]

Hi Sithi, I'm Sab :) I hope you're doing well. My presence here is mainly due to a curiosity that I have regarding this new year ahead since wednesday was my birthday (11/10/1995). I'm seeking your guidance regarding my 26th years which I'm quite curious and a bit "worried" about if you sense what I mean lol (for the context...i'm almost at the end of my law studies, it's like i'm entering in a "consolidation era" lol where I have to "prove myself"+ i tend sometimes to have some "existential" worries in my life in general without sounding too deep or too scorpionic). For my favorite thing ? Rn it would be gingerbreads covered with dark chocolate which I crave all the time this season :) Or in general, I love everything related to birds! 🥺Thank you in advance and I wish you a nice day/night! 👁👀 (i couldn't decide which one I prefer the most lmao😭)

Oh my goodness Sab, happy belated birhtday!! I hope you had a really pleasant time and everything that you wished for will come true this year!! 🥰

Omg dont even talk to me about those cinnamon boys. Now I crave them too!! 😂 And i absolutely LOVE birbs and everything about birbs, so even though this was not a test, you are still absolutely acing it somehow 😂

Its been a while since I've done this, cause I tend to lay out my cards intuitively, but the good ole vanilla Celtic Cross is a fantastic spread if you need some kind of general direction in your life and I kinda feel like doing it rn, so.

the hierophant. king of swords

What seems to be the core of your issues, at least how I see it, is that now you have learned this immense amount of knowledge, but you seem uncertain how to actually apply it to real life situations. And this is not really like a practical thing (or maybe it partially is, it could be both) but what I'm sensing is that this is rather a moral question. You already know what there is, but you don't really know how to use this knowledge to fight the good fights, or you have some kind of doubt and don't trust yourself with the ability to do so. I totally understand if this is causing you worries, because this is an extremely complicated issue. But I would reckon that if you are really so deeply concerned with doing what is morally right, you have a good start at the very least!

ten of coins. the world the chariot. five of coins

This part is normally used as something like a past-future-cause-effect axis, but instead I wanted to use it as a matrix of things that you could or should work on. And the results are extremely positive, I'm happy to say. If you had any worries about whether this will work out for you as a carreer, please don't fear, because unless something unforeseeably and drastically changes, this path will be both lucrative and emotionally fulfilling, full of opportunities, and it seems like you've got everything that it takes. I wouldn't say it if I didn't think so. The cards you got for these positions are very powerful and overwhelmingly reassuring.

There is one thing however, that you could definitely work on. I had to pull some clarification cards here because the Chariot is a very generic card to pull here with a lot of different meanings that could make sense. And I pulled the page of wands reversed and the five of cups reversed. Which makes me think, that you seem very... idk if that's the best word I could use but impatient? What I mean by this is not a day to day, moment to moment kind of impatience but rather that you want to move things too quickly, and maybe in some other cases when you would need to act fast you are indecisive and start doubting yourself. And here's the thing. I think, if you move on with your life today and heed no word to what I just said, you will still become a good lawyer(judge? whatever you are studying for). But if you don't work on this and pay attention to this, a) it will be at the very serious detriment of your mental health, as you will feel constant stress and frustration, and b) it might impact your cases in some teeny tiny ways that could still be avoided for the absolute best outcome possible.

So. You need to focus on what battles to pick, when you have to lay low, and when is the right time to make moves. Timing is everything. I don't feel like this is a one time thing that someone could just plaster a singular piece of advice on, but from the cards that I got it seems to me that you will know how to fix this and it won't be very difficult, you just have to work on it actively.

ace of cups reversed

I can tell that you feel really apprehensive, maybe even scared, of your "consolidation era". However, especially in the light of the other cards you got, the inconvenience of this card is extremely benign, and in the bigger scheme of things ignorable.

five of swords

Arguments, hostility and stress are unfortunately par the course for your job, and it will probably take a toll on you emotionally, but you shouldn't let that stop you, and please don't let yourself think that you are bad at it or that's somehow your shortcoming. Just take good care of yourself and live to fight another day. Setbacks are a part of every job, so no worries there, it is what it is.

three of cups. the hermit

The most important takeaway that I want you to have from this reading is that the kind of mental and moral fortitude that you seek to embody is something that is built up over time and requires a lot of hard work and experience. If you don't feel like you are some kind of unparalleled and infallible beacon of socioeconomic justice right away, that's actually not only true probably, but in fact completely okay.💗 You seem very dedicated however, and if you don't let the small setbacks feed your doubts and get in the way, you will one day be known far and wide as a helper of your community.

Traces of the community aspect seem to have come up more than once in this reading, here and there in a kind of subliminal fashion. I'm under the impression that there is some kind of core issue in your heart that you particularly care about, that makes this all a personal stake that motivates you to do this job - you really care about families in need and/or a specific group of people that need help with something (perhaps you or someone you know very closely belong in this group in some kind of way?). The fact that you care so deeply will make this job harder in some sense of the word, but never forget that is in fact your strength and your humanity will also play an invisible but large role in your success. I think that if you listen to them and keep working hard, eventually the people whom you seek to help will cherish you and even uplift you in some way that they can.

And one more thing.

seven of cups reversed

I don't think that this has anything to do with the rest of the reading, but this card just fell out, seemingly to warn you about something. This card could have multiple meanings but they are mostly centered around "deception" (that of yourself or by others) or "bad choice/harmful indecision". And I can't really lean towards either, the two meanings are competing in my mind as if they were both true to varying degrees. If you have been putting off some kind of decision lately, you should pay attention to that now, but you should also look into it deeper first because it seems that you don't have all the facts yet.

Sab, I hope that you enjoyed this reading and it was helpful in some way! Take care of yourself and unless we talk again until that time, happy holidays! 💗

tip

[cheekblush]

if you dont mind me asking, (if you do mind, you don't have to answer!) how do you deal or cope with not being sure about yourself especially with the pressure of being in an immigrant family and ending up having to take an unconventional route of life compared to the one they wanted for you/want to live through you sort of ?.... i've been feeling my family's projection of their insecurities which i understand but it's so emotionally exhausting for me i'm having a weird time mannnn sometimes i feel like i should just give in to their requests of career routes they want me to take but it makes me want to kermit soupcider lolll

oh boy... where do i even begin.. this is a topic that is very personal to me and triggers a lot of emotions but i'll try to reply to the best of my abilities. i already know this will get way too long so i'll put it under a read more..

firstly of course - hello dear! 🌸  i'm sorry to hear that your family is projecting their insecurities on you and is pressuring you to choose a career path that is not to your liking (smth very common in immigrant families i believe unfortunately 🙃) right off the bet my advice is to not just give in to their requests in order to please them! you should really take some time for yourself to think what it is you're genuinely interested in and passionate about and try to pursue a career that you can actually imagine yourself working in for the majority of your life - much easier said than done i know. but if the mere thought of taking on the career paths your family is suggesting brings you so much discomfort then imagine how much more miserable you'll be actually pursuing those careers just to make them happy! as difficult as it is, sometimes your own wellbeing and happiness should be your priority bc at the end of the day this is YOUR life and you have to be content with it. and sadly we live in a society where a job makes out a huge portion of our lives, so it only makes sense to pursue one that actually brings you some kind of joy or at least doesn't make you want to "kermit soupcider" (i should start using this shahajka) as you pointed out yourself. so please take your own interests into consideration and what you want out of life in general - maybe a prestigious career is just not what you desire and that's okay! and don't neglect or compromise your own happiness for your family's sake! your decision will most likely not be met with excitement or support but again this is your life and you are responsible for your own happiness 💛

as to how i deal with my family's projections on and expectations of me... i honestly don't even know.. i think i've just gotten used to being a disappointment to them at this point (sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.. i don't really have good coping mechanisms to offer 😔) there is just so much guilt and shame in letting them down and not living up to their expectations. in my case it's even worse bc on top of not pursuing the career they wanted me to, i am no longer pursuing the career path i chose myself either bc it impaired both my mental and physical health severely. and i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that something i worked so hard and long for and that my parents invested a lot of money in essentially didn't work out.. and that's a huge burden i carry around all of the time (tbh i need therapy just for this issue 🤡) so on top of going against their wishes, i failed to successfully pursue my chosen career and ultimately am left with nothing.. no respectable job, no income and i have to restart at square 0. so you can probably imagine the guilt, shame, embarrassment and humiliation i feel constantly... and i think with immigrant families especially there is even more guilt bc your parents made so many sacrifices in order to provide you with a better life so it always feels like you owe them something.. like you need to earn your right to simply live and be... like you need to prove your worthiness bc you need to pay them back for all the sacrifices they've made. like you need to show them it wasn't in vain and that you can provide for them. this actually reminds me of this screenshot from this post :

(i go more in depth about my personal situation in the tags of that post in case you're interested or might relate)

i think that's what hurts me the most bc i so desperately wanted to prove that i'm worth it. i so desperately wanted to be able to provide for them, to take care of them, to give them everything they deserve and need and it's so heartbreaking to realize and accept that i won't be able to do that... and if i would've pursued my career further, worked myself to the ground, neglected my own wellbeing and health even further i might've been able to do that. i probably would've gotten a well paid job at some point but at the cost of my own health and wellbeing. and would that be worth it? as guilty as i feel for letting them down and as disappointed as i am in myself, ultimately i did what was best for my own wellbeing. and that's what i suggest you should do as well. as selfish as thay may sound, we do not need to own our right to live even if our parents did make a lot of sacrifices for us (this reminds me of another great post ) obviously i do not know what relationship you have with your family or your dynamics and i don't want to discuss mine further as i've already overshared waaaaay too much 🙃 but we need to put our own needs and wishes first sometimes without beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves - again easier said than done bc i still frequently blame myself and just feel crushing guilt but we have to forgive ourselves very, very, very frequently! and i realize that our situations aren't entirely similar as you are still in the midst of choosing a career path and i already did and unfortunately it didn't work out as planned (but that's life.. also smth i'm trying to come to terms with) but i hope that this (way too lengthy) reply is at least a little helpful or reassuring for you. this probably isn't the reply you were hoping for... i'm sorry i can't provide you with any concrete suggestions or advice on how to cope with your family's demands while being insecure about yourself and your life bc i pretty much still deal with the exact same thing and it's still affecting me very much and causing me a lot of distress. but i do believe the key is to unapologetically create the life you want despite your family's objections, discard all guilt and shame, forgive yourself often and accept things for what they are, especially if you can't change/control them. once again much easier said than done (i know i keep repeating myself please bear with me 😭) but that's what i'm trying to live by as of now and i hope it helps you somehow 💌

finally, i wish you the very best for all your future endeavors and sincerely hope that you receive your family's support even if you choose a path that they are not thrilled with. i hope you have the strength to forgive yourself when faced with failure and that you'll be able to abandon any shame or guilt that might arise. most of all i wish you an abundance of happiness, serenity, prosperity, love, health and peace of mind 🤍🕊🎐 take care of yourself and don't be afraid to put yourself first! may the remaining year treat you gently and bring many blessings your way 💗🌟🦋🍀🥠🧿🏮

[mithliya]

long question that u dont have to answer, but anybody's input wld be helpful to me!

how do u personally consolidate the idea of "telling ppl to Never Ever engage with radfem content is cult-like because if genderist ideology had strong enough arguments then they wldnt have to be so worried abt seeing opposing opinions" with the idea that "extremist groups can easily influence and then radicalise ppl by exposing them to rhetoric that preys on their sense of wanting to belong, and biases they already hold against a group (e.g. internet white supremacists radicalising white teen boys), and maybe radfems are doing the same thing"

and also ideas like "avoiding radfem ideas is for the sake of trans people's mental health so they dont have to read through content that will only end up making them feel attacked (if they're already not doing good mentally)" - with this one im not sure how to balance the line between somebody being responsible for educating themselves to understand if/why particular actions may be harmful, but also u must have to draw a line somewhere with that bc especially if ur already a person with limited energy for whatever reason, spending a lot of mental energy on research and such can take a toll eventually

tbh i view it like.. people should look at all sides, fully, and look into statements to see how true they are. and then based on THAT, come to their own conclusions. i don’t think someone should just see what a bunch of radfems post and then blindly believe it: critical thinking is key, and seeking the truth for yourself is important. hearing both sides is the best way to come to an informed conclusion. groups like white supremacists use pseudo-science and half-truths to radicalise white people that already are, frankly, at least slightly racist and uneducated on the topic. genderists do similar things tbh and plenty of groups do the same as well, even ones with good intentions. being critical of yourself, too, is important. paying attention to your own thoughts and behaviours, questioning how bias and prejudice could be behind some of your beliefs, and then addressing that. none of us are immune to prejudiced thinking and none of us are above that. the way to overcome it is to be self-aware and open to growing.

if someone wants to avoid political conversations or info bc their mental health is quite affected by such things, i think it’s best to be ignorant than to try to get involved like that. but be openly and knowingly ignorant, don’t spread bullshit lies and made up claims to support your side while not even looking into what the group you (general you here) hate actually believes. im not gonna take issue w someone not knowing about radical feminism and thus not speaking on it, but it’s frustrating (and justifiably so) when someone who doesn’t know what they’re on about makes bold claims about an ideology they know nothing of.

[animated-moon]

Good morning my little lamb! How was your sleep? I hope you have been getting more sleep since you haven’t been for the past week.

*blushes* if you really must know then yes, I do dream about you my moon *turns head away*.

About you though, some birdies on the team have been telling me about how you keep having mental breakdowns. Do you want me to come over? I know that it isn’t a full solution, but since you love me so much I figure I can at least make your day shine my sweets <3.

My day could’ve been better my lovely. Wakatoshi-Kun and Semi semi have caught me practicing when I wasn’t supposed to, and have lectured me for hours. I It wasn’t that bad though! It was only 3 and half hours of extra practice, I would’ve called you but then I would be risking getting you caught as well.

But how are you doing so far Mx.Tendou? Should I send over some chocolate milk to your place? Or just bring to you directly if you want me to come over?

Love you my paradise~

- your husband💜

ah, my sweetest! it’s been a while hasn’t it? i’m so sorry for responding to this much later than i usually do, but i know that you know things haven’t been the easiest lately :,) i’ll explain more at the end of this reply!

yup!! i’m getting more sleep than usual! all thanks to you, my lovely~ <3 oho? it was just a teasing statement, but now i’m curious. what do you dream of me? hmmm?

oh! you DARE go to extra practice WITHOUT ME? forget getting caught, my sun, i’d do practically anything to spend time with you <3 besides, i’ve been playing more volleyball recently (my thighs and arms are SORE :,) and i have bruises on my arm from the stupid balls, but SOON! i’ll be good enough to at least play in the court)

FROM THIS POINT ON IT WILL BE ME RANTING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND THERE MAY BE SENSITIVE TOPICS. PLEASE PLEASE DONT READ IF YOURE UNCOMFY. I DONT GUARANTEE ANYTHING

well,, about that. since we ARE wedded, and i’ve been running from my problems, i think it’s time to come clean to this. i’m not exactly doing well anywhere and my mental health has been far from okay. still better than many, though. i should really be grateful for that but i just can’t. anyways <3

also tendou anon: ily. the short version is just: i have insecurities and i am mentally unstable and i am being unnecessarily sad about it 👍👍 followed by me being stupid and having parental issues <3 summed it up in case you didn’t wanna read all t h a t

i’m having a series of small but important exams recently and i can’t say i’m really doing well in school either, so i’ve taken it upon myself to at least work hard and try my best to finish all my schoolwork, get enough sleep and still have time for some more relaxing things, like tumblr. i dont know if you know just how alleviating it is to see people pop into my ask box to chat or to request or just ANYTHING, which is why i really, really love and appreciate you (i’m getting off topic, let me steer back). well, anyway, how should i say this? tumblr has been like my escape from reality, like my paradise. somewhere i can be without having to meet already-made expectations, without having to pretend like everything in my life is fine and without having to simply pretend. lately i’ve been less and less active because of all the personal problems i’m facing, and i do apologize for that, although i know i don’t need to.. i just- gosh i don’t even know where i’m going with this at all.

since i’ve addressed my inactivity, i’ll talk about my mental health. it’s been months since i’ve had any insecurities popping out randomly to taunt me and pick at every single thing i do. since around the start of july, though, everything started falling back onto me. i started realizing and criticizing every little thing i did and myself as a person. recently it’s only gotten worse, and it’s disgusting for myself to doubt some of my closest friends and their friendship with me, but i cant help but think they’re all going to leave me for some newer, more fun and more interesting friend. after all, in reality, i’m just plain old me. i sound so unbothered by everything, i look unapproachable, i’ve even given up on almost every aspect of myself. why would they want someone like me, right? it’s stupid, and i shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts, but i can’t do anything about them. sometimes it feels like i give so much but they never give in return. i pick up their siblings from classes, i take time out of my already packed schedule to help them solve their boy problems, i always try my best to take their feelings into consideration. at least in my point of view, i did nothing wrong? did i? i don’t know why everything’s going wrong and why everyone’s slipping out of my lives when they’ve barely even been there.

tw//suic*de and de*th and starving and really bad parents under this

i’ve been suicidal since a few years back and i only have a single reason to live. that single reason is my one of my two best friends. he’s amazing in every way possible, and i don’t truly know what love is, but if i loved someone, it’d be him. he brought me out of my darkest times when i’d attempted suicide and we made a promise to both live on. we still do talk, but since he’s older and busier, these times just get less and less frequent, and i’m so scared to lose the one thread still tying me to the world.

and, my parents. i think they’re the largest contributing factor to my current situation. lord, i can’t tell you how many times i’ve passed out from exhaustion, being fucking forced to study for exams. how many times that woman has threatened to k*ll me and starve me for the tiniest things ever. in my entire life, no matter what happened to me, she’s never said a genuine sorry to me before. her nonexistent social awareness is almost funny, if it weren’t so fucking annoying. whining and babytalking with my dad all fucking day at max volume as if i weren’t in the house. all that slandering of the lgbtq+ community and being racist, all that shittalking about me as if i can’t hear them at all. all they know is how to be disgusting, manipulative shitheads, thinking theyre the boss of everyone and that they can order me around like im an inanimate object. IM EIGHTEEN, FOR FUCKS SAKE. IVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MYSELF SINCE 13. LEAVE ME TF ALONE.

i just,, i dont know. fuck them, fuck everyone, fuck everything. i want to just end it all so bad but i know i’d just be more of a burden to everyone like that, or so i’d like to believe.

that is all. that’s the longest i’ve ever ranted in ages, lord. i won’t say i’m fine right now, but i won’t say i’m doing good. i’m just barely hanging in there, and i don’t know what else to say about this.

sorry for the long rant! i have lots more i’m upset about, but i’m not ready to share it with anyone yet, sorry. for anyone who actually read until this part, please just somehow ignore this. thanks

[araisbored]

Obelisk

That’s the only quirky title I could come up to make this a little bit more interesting.

I’m reviewing my favorite book again. More like making another post about it. Because I seem like the type of person to not shut up about something she truly, truly, deeply love. Though, I won’t really making a review. Because I am in no state to make one of those. I don’t know I just I’m not that qualified to that yet. Though I read millions of books, I still won’t. I re-read my last “review” and it just make me cringe because I can’t understand what I’m saying and there’s a bunch of errors on my sentence. Not that this whole post won’t containing grammar errors, but still. Also, the cringing intensifies when I saw that Jennifer Niven (the author of this book) liked my bizarrely wrong blog entry. Ms. Niven, if by any chance, reading this again, I love your work and I’m sorry for a lot of grammatical errors. Ms. Niven, your work changed my life and help me get through a rough time. Sounds cliché but its the truth. 

To repeat what I typed, I won’t make a review. Yet, I’ll post a very private diary log which where I somehow discuss my opinions about this book. So here it is. 

Trigger warning: Suicide topics, cutting and mental issues might come up on the next following paragraph. And it’s really graphic. Because it is a personal log on my digital diary. Beware. 

May 17, 2019: Theodore’s death, Avengers: End game and GoT discussion.

I never had a proper review of this book. Because lets be real here. Its me and probably won’t matter. Last time or more like last last year, I made a book recommendation/favourites about this book. And I emphasize on that blog post that it’s not a book review. NOT A BOOK REVIEW. At all.

Because:

I am scared of the internet scrutinizing my opinions and views about this book.

It’s about mental health or part of it. So it is really a sensitive topic and I even haven’t figured myself out. So I’m not really sure if  I’m the right person you want to have an opinion regarding with this topic. One thing about me is that you don’t go asking me questions on how you figured your life or how you deal with depression because, oh boy oh boy you’re in a wrong place honey.

Last night I searched Theodore Finch on twitter. Yes, twitter. Because that is where you get the real opinions. Real tea. As well as the stupid ones. And I read one thread or whatever you call it, some sort of a conversation or replies from one girl to another. (I just assumed you’re girl and I’m sorry if you’re not. I am really sorry for misgendering you.) The other girl said that she’s kind of annoyed how everyone around Theodore doesn’t get the signs when it’s literally on their faces. When you come to think of it. Its true. All the signs of Theodore’s disease was there. Bluntly on their faces. It’s kind of fascinating how it’s not noticed by his family and friends or even Violet. But again right now thinking about it, maybe because it happened when this world just slowly noticing or paying attention about mental health. Hold a second, let me search when it was published. Yeah, I'm right its 2015. A year of coming of age for the late Baby Boomers are introduced to depression and when people, mostly teenagers are committing suicide. I would be very harsh on my words because it was just me talking to myself anyways. So yeah, that's also the year where I'm cutting myself and wanted to kill myself. So no wonder Finch’s family have no idea about his mishaps and adventures. So about that discussion, it was already solved. That year was just the year where naïve people are introduced to mental health and issues. Anyways, back to that conversation. The other girl defended the book/author. That the author, Jenifer Niven, was just portraying real life happenings. That these things happens in real life. People really die because of mental health issues. By the way, Finch mental diagnosis wasn’t really mentioned on the book directly. As far as I can remember. That’s why I'm re-reading it again now. But so far zero mentioned of diagnosis or bipolarity(Is that even a word? idc.). Just the mention of him wanting to kill himself, the erotic changes in his moods, lack of appetite and being insomniac. He doesn’t sleep one night or he sleeps then have very bad nightmares after that. It’s pretty obvious but again, let’s refer to the points given above. Oh, oh! Then there’s one time he repainted his bedroom from blood red to blue. If that’s not alarming enough then idk anymore. But yes, 2015. The coming of age and the year where we birthed more stupid late boomers. But, yes. Wild book. A very wild and very BRILLIANT book. It’s the stupid characters or the people in Finch’s life that suck. Which is why I kind of sided to the girl who said that that the author doesn’t really write the characters well. Let’s call her Girl A. And the other girl who defend Niven, Girl B. I’m pretty sure you’re both girls but just in case, I’m gonna apologize again if I'm  misgendering you. Or if you don’t wanna be called a girl. I can’t say or disclose that Girl B was wrong because he clearly have a point too. It happens in real life. People die from depression and I might be one soon.

Just wanna say that It’s a good discourse. Arguments like that are my favorites where both sides are not wrong nor right either, makes you really think. A read. Both the book and that twitter discourse. If you happened to read it, good. But if not sorry I can’t link it for you. 

So for my opinion (oh no, here we go) I agree on both of them , as if its not yet obvious. I guess if it was written in the present days the author could’ve change the characters and made Finch alive. Or checked-in in a mental institution or he’ll be given a medical assistance he really needs. Because the only medical attention he was given was thru his Guidance councilor, Embryo. Which is a good thing, but also I think Finch’s situation needs more professional attention. No offence to all guidance councilors out there. I know you guys try your best. But you know, Niven can make Finch visit a psychiatrist in a clinic/mental institution right? Like violet. I know Finch’s financial state is bad but.. idk there’s something can be done here. But again it was during that time where people are shouting “Depression isn’t real”, stupid people posting tweets and Facebook status on how “Suicide is for the week”; they watch 13 reasons why and decided to skip the whole point of the show and just assumed that “yeah depression is for the weaklings”. It only shows how ignorant people are. They’re the kind of people who standby when you get punch on the face or laugh when people spreads rumors and lies about you. Basically, bystanders. I’m sorry I’m a little snappy. If you haven’t noticed. I don’t know I’m just mad today.

I think the book still holds it. And justify the ending. Though part of me really hate it too. But it kind of made me realized about a lot of things, not just about me but also about how I should interact with other human beings. I hate the ending because it breaks my heart but I guess it was necessary?? Or not. Any how,  It was a good ending. Maybe its just me because I’m a masochist. But I can not think of any other impactful and realistic way on ending it. (Rereading this again and I just need to clear things up. That IM NOT A MURDERER OR A KILLER. I DONT NORMALIZE SUICIDE,  but from a standing point the ending is justified. Its sad but its, again, realistic.) But still, breaks my heart, Theodore is a precious boy. Who deserves nothing but love. And I hope his story was more known by the people so jackasses would know how to treat their family and friends better. 

[This part was cut because I talked about Avengers and GoT ending; Which is very relevant to this topic]

Love,

Ara xx

So yeah, that’s some of my diary entry. Re-reading it makes me realized how funny I am. Jesus I should read more of these. Who knows, I might post it here. If it’s not that personal. I’ll end this here now. I hope wherever you are you’re having a good day.

Ttyl, Ara!

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[system-of-a-feather]

I hope your hiatus goes well! As for a more interesting ask tho, if you could have any bird in the world be your pet(with no limitations, like u could fulfill all their needs and everything), what kind of bird would you choose?

(TW, animal welfare; animal neglect, animal SH, infodump; Putting that out there because uh, I went on a tangent cause I am passionate; Short caps)

Man that is such a controversial topic for me XD Because I’m very firm in the sense that raptors and sort shouldn’t be in captivity beyond conservation purposes (and falconry for conservation) and if they are, they should be given maximum range - and for parrots that are in mass bred in environments not suited for them and its a large issue that we’ve kind of dug a whole into, so parrots shouldn’t be pets, but if you have to they should be companions with almost the entire time out of the cage so like XD

I have a reactive response to birds as pets but the theoretical “could fufill all their needs and everything” does cover some of that - though I also would still have to sit and question if the dynamic between a human and a wild bird could ever simultaneously exist with having all their needs fufilled so I’m sitting here rubbing my chin as a overly complicate an otherwise relatively simple question.

In leu of the honor of the original question and what I get the intent to be (aka, if there was ABSOLUTELY no issues and it was 100% possible to maintain both a human-bird bond with said animal while having their full life) it would probably be a toss up between a Harpy Eagle, Barn Owl, Secretary Bird, and California Condor.... maybe a penguin or cormorant if I had a really nice water bed. OR A RAVEN SINCE THEY BRING SHINIES BACK. It really would be a different answer to who you ask in the system though. I probably would go uh.... I actually really don’t know. I might actually go Snowy Owl..? Maybe? Aesthetically I’d go Secretary Bird but personality wise I’d like a Raven hmmm

I really can’t put a finger on a favorite bird. Raven I feel would probably be the easiest to both have a fully wild and free relationship with but also an individual bond that would be enjoyable, but I dunno. Its really hard of a question to answer

As for the more technical - I would probably take the question and warp it to the alternative loop hole question of - hey, you are saying I could provide for an animal’s needs entirely?

I would take in the honest to god most torn up - feather plucking - self mutilating - anxious depressed bird; probably a cockatoo breed, and take it in.

I actually have a habit of trying to take in really anxious, sad, or mistreated cockatiels in and trying to bring them up and let them behaviorally adjust to people and other birds a lot and its actually a dream goal to help parrots get a renewal on life since some live just as long as we do, but often are much much much more neglected throughout their entire life as dependents.

Like I can go on and on about it, but a lot of the longer living birds (cockatoos, african greys, etc) can be bred for money, bought for aesthetic, and treated poorly, abandoned or put for adoption and bounce from home to home to home that was not prepared for them and getting so many behavioral issues and “bird mental health” issues as I put simply and some really just dont get the chance to have a happy life. Some have a good owner until they are 30, then their owner dies and their owner’s family doesn’t want to care for them so they are sold or abandoned or put up for adoption and after living a great life are put into the cycles others do so like

One of my dreams if I ever get the money would be to legitimately have an Aviary and / or be a part of a parrot rehabilitation and rescue center XD I was actually up front with my fiance when I started dating that my future with caring for birds and adopting / fostering ones in need is something he would have to accept as my package / baggage or I will not under any circumstances proceed with a relationship XD

AND IM RANTING SO AT THE ANON THAT SAID RANT GO AHEAD I WISH I GOT THIS DONE FOR YOU BECAUSE I HAVEN’T FOUND A TOPIC TO RANT ABOUT FOR YOU AND HERE I AM RANTING ON THE WRONG ANON

But like, since I’m part ways on this tangent, lemme share one of my princesses that I’ve been caring for. (Quick photo below the keep reading)

[cue Riku gushing about their bird]

We got her from a previous owner that really couldn’t care for her and named her “Crash” because she kept crashing every time she flew (which is btw very dangerous - even if I noticed she seemed to learn how to “crash safely) and I really didn’t find the name cute cause it clearly was an issue - so I renamed her to Avery Rose - Avery being like Ivory + Avian and Rose cause I like Rose; but she also was REALLY terrified of hands and people and if a hand was within like 2 feet of her she’d panic - fly (or try to) and crash - and if you got her she’d bite like, right through your hand. I figure (vet wasn’t sure and didn’t want to do unnecessary invasive procedures to be sure) that she either has some joint / motor issue that makes it hard to fly or she has poor vision that makes her anxious. 

She also would pluck a lot out of stress and anxiety and isolation and stuff cause cockatiels are social birds and they need a lot of stimulus form their owner and/or other birds. She ALSO really didn’t get along with other birds either and would pretty much kinda avoid them. Even until today she kinda seems to miss the social cues of the other birds or not meld in since like, most birds get excited when small treats or “cookies” are brought over and they start pacing and heading to the food dishes, but she just kinda like.... waits or shows no interest XD

She’s a really unique personality. But anyways, my mom took her in originally and uh... as a typically kind of neglectful mom does, just kinda found her “too difficult” and just gave up on her, and I saw that and was like OH HELL NAH JUST CAUSE SHES REALLY ANXIOUS, SOCIALLY ABNORMAL, BITES HARD AND CRASHES DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO ABANDON HER so despite technically not signing up for it I was like “Mom she’s mine and I am taking over her care what you are doing is kind of cruel” 

And like, one of the flock members we have is the son of my first cockatiel who I helped raise (aside from his parents who primarily raised him) and socialized as he is now a bit of my personal emotional support birb, but with insistent help from me and I’m guessing bird support from a slightly younger and annoying boy birb that really liked her, she actually managed to learn out to fly REALLY well (like my boy, my son here literally like, kept doing small loops around and following her around until she got it and literally repetitively flew up and down to help her figure out how to land it melted my heart) and she actually really likes me specifically holding her and coddling her or hugging her, which I think might be because it might give her security.

She still plucks as it is one of those things that can follow a bird for life (though its getting better) and she is still anxious and really odd in social behaviors to the other birds, but she really seems to function in a happy life and she has a bird partner and a human mother and unlike before she can fly like any other bird and crashes rarely ever and like

She’s one of the things that I am most proud of seeing and lights up my world and I am SO god damn proud of her and she has LOWKEY been an inspiration for my recovery sometimes cause GOD do I love her XD

Her and her partner / “my boy / son” are the two birds that follow me to and from college and they seem to actually like car trips now? XD But they are my roommates and I love them immensely ;w;

Anon: What bird would you have if you could have any of them and treat them perfectly to their need

Me: DID YOU ASK ABOUT BIRD WELFARE, TECHNICALITIES AND PROBLEMS WITH BIRDS AS PETS (other than typically domesticated ones), MY DREAMS ABOUT SAVING ALL BIRDS IN THE WORLD AND THE STORY OF ONE OF MY BABY GIRLS AND HER MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY?!

I apologize I do this sometimes :v I hope you enjoy my infodump / ramble

-Riku (Host)

[kpopnonous]

Love Yourself | BTS 0t7 x Reader

Warning: mentions of gay and polygamy

Word Count: 719

Request are open~ Dont forget to follow and like!

"HelloI am  Jung, Mun-Hee and you're watching KPOPViews. I am here with the all-time world-famous KPop boyband called BTS!" She said as she bowed in respect when each boy come up the stage.

"2, 3"

"We are BTS!" They said, then took their seat.  They all had smiles on their face giggling nervously as they wave at the camera.

"Alright let's start this off asking how are you guys? You know, after the whole tour and such, you must be tired?" Mun-Hee question as she flips the cue cards

They all looked at Namjoon in hopes that he would answer her question first, which he did

"We're all fine. We have been eating and resting well so our bodies and health are good for when we see ARMYS again!"

"Yes, we dont want you guys to faint on us haha" She continued to ask different questions such as how are their family, friends, co-workers, and other things such as favorite clothing store and their favorite music.

"Alright so I want to ask you guy's what made you decide to make a whole album with the theme 'Love-Yourself'?, It seems very person judging by the tone of the lyrics.

They sat in silence, thinking over the question to see what was the appropriate answer for it, they kept thinking until Yoongi had enough of waiting and decided to respond to it

"The whole theme is about someone who's very close to us who suffer from insecurities, depression, anxiety, and Bi-polar. They have issues with their body which is very beautiful in our opinions. We made this song for both them and ARMYS, for those who suffer the same and more thing because we are all humans and we should be able to accept ourselves for who we are, not for what society wants us to be."

Both the reporter and boys looked at Yoongi in amazement to see that he spoke a lot about mental issues  Both the reporter and boys clap of Yoongi's lovely speech about 'Love Yourself' and in English!

"I believe it's important to encourage others in self-love. At times we, ourselves feel the pressure and negativity of not loving our body, but we came to a conclusion where we have to love ourselves to make us feel happy." Hoseok concluded with Yoongi's sentence

"Wow! You boys are getting better at your English! I'm very impressed!"

"Now for the next question that has everyone been asking about, do you guys have a girlfriend? Or anyone that you're romantically involved with?"

They all started blushing and giggling as if they were high school girl's seeing their crush for the first time

"Uh please dont judge us" Jimin stated, but before he can continue the Mun-Hee started fangirling

"ARE YOU GUYS GAY?!" She yelled making the boys blush even more while they were in a giggling mess

"No uh um"

"What Jimin-hyung means is that we are in a polygamy relationship with another person. We aren't allowed to share who they are but you can know that they make us very happy and able to produce all of the music that our fans love. Please don't judge us for what we love, we hope you'd still be in our family" Jungkook said smiling

The reporter kept looking at each of the boys to study their reaction to see how they are handling the confession.

"I think making this huge. . . confession would be able to let ARMYS be closer to us. If some of them don't like who we love then that's fine, everyone is allowed to their own opinions but please dont bash us and degrade us for something we can't help to do.

Mun-Hee wipe a fake tear away from her eyes as she clapped hearing the speech

"Yahh that was wonderful! How you guys accept everyone and dedicated a whole album to them! Plus you have one for ARMYS themselves! I'd hope to have you guys here more often with us, your time and presence was lovely"

"You heard it guys, the reason as to why they made 'Love Yourself!' Be sure to check out their music in the description and to stream it! I'm Mun-Hee and dont forget to follow KPOPViews for more"

I go onto YouTube to look at the boys new interview, they told me that it should be good.I scroll for their recent interview to see this.

I by the end of the video i had tears on my face, I felt special to see that they would make a whole album dedicated to me

I love you guys so much”

[kny-imagines]

okidoki, giyuu and tanjirou relationship hcs coming right up! thank you for the request :D!

tomioka giyuu

looks super mysterious and intimidating

really is just a dumb confused emo eddgy-edge man

LISTEN MY DUDE you better be very direct and straightforward with this man or else he just  w o n t  g e t  i t

he just sucks at social interactions, alright? his social skills are = 0. and please don’t ever try to hint something to him. he’s denser than osmium (which is like the densest material on earth so far i know). hence why i hope for the sake of your and his relationship that you’re a straightforward person (or at least can be when needed)

emotionally distances himself a lot, which is like,, a big problem. has a lot of self-worth issues too :((. being a demon slayer isn’t an easy task and takes a huge toll on your mental health and his past (ughh don’t wanna get into spoiler territory, so i’ll keep it vague)) really doesn’t make it any easier for him. it may take a while for him to fully open up to you, but once he does, you just know he’s in it forever. and he’s forever grateful for it too.

such a devoted lover!! he truly truly loves you, and although he may lack in the communicative area, he really makes it up with his actions. here, have some of his share of this food too bc you looked so happy n cute eating it!! oh, this cherry blossom hairpin? he got it on one of his missions out of town bc he remembered how sad you were that the cherry blossom season was over! he is basically the definition of “actions speak louder than words”

i can see him being super into subtle affections like accidental hand touching/arm touching, blowing on hot food before offering it, draping a jacket or a blanket over the other person when it gets cold, etc. it’s nothing special. but his most favorite person in the world makes it special.

i’m not here to idolize him, but to tell you how a relationship with him could be. and like every realistic relationship, it’s not gonna be perfect, but if you both actively work on it, it can still bloom into something wonderful.

tl;dr: he’s just a super dense and awkward bean that needs some time warming up to a relationship, but once he does it’s gonna last forever (if you’re in for it)

kamado tanjirou

i think by now we know what a kind-hearted and wholesome person my boyo tannedjirou is

ALSO PART OF THE “i’m too dense to get subtle hints”-SQUAD PLS SAVE THESE BOYS

he’s just such a sweet person and generally doesn’t assume that any person could have any other intentions of being nice other than being nice!

and you have one intention.. that is making it known that you like him romantically!!!2111!!!!!2!!!

it’s okay br0, zenitsu has your back (both emotionally and physically). he may not be of biggest help when it comes to confessing, but at least you can gush together about your respective crushes :”)

will mom u. and dad u. but more mom u than dad u. doesn’t matter if you’re already in a relationship or still painful crush phase. he. will. mom. u.

you: i want to be more than friends

tanjirou: best friends :D?

you: n-no, something even bigger than best friends, something more than “like”, something like love

tanjirou:

tanjirou: so like super best friends :D??

you:

(i’m so sorry dude, but we tanjirou lovers have to go through this painful stage)

it’s so obvious that you like him, everyone knows. EVERYONE.

how is his smell super extraordinarily good when he cant even smell ALL THE LOVE FOR HIM COMING FROM U

he doesnt realize he likes u in a romantic way probably until he sees you just getting along with nezuko so well. after all, she means more than the world to him, but seeing you just taking care of her without a second thought or u offering to carry the wooden box for him bc u want him to rest,,,,, he suddenly realizes he wouldn’t mind to expand his family to u.............

MONEY IS FLYING AROUND IN THE BUTTERFLY ESTATE, EVERYONE WAS BETTING HOW LONG ITD TAKE HIM TO REALIZE AND PROPERLY CONFESS

as we already know, family is such an important aspect to him, but respects it if u dont get along well with your own family,, after all...................... youre now part of his family :)

[appreciative nezuko ‘mmgghk’ noises in the back. she likes u a lot!!]

very very affectionate!! he’s a bit too embarrassed to kiss u in front of ppl <:0 (u should still give him a peck on his cheek tho just to see his face and ears redden. so adorable!!), but very big on hand holding and linking arms!!

pls grab one of his hands and kiss it while staring deeply into his eyes. he. will. melt.

doesn’t really use pet names himself, but loves it when you use them for him!! pls be as silly as it gets (like sir floofington, my little cuddle bunny, etc), he will giggle and nuzzle your cheek as his reply!!

although he can be very dense, he’s very very blunt and honest!! (see: scene when he complimented inosuke’s face LOL)

doesn’t know how to flirt, but his honesty could be taken as flirting,,,,

you, teasingly: oh, you’ve been staring in that person’s direction for a while now. should i be jealous?

him: THEY MAY BE VERY BEAUTIFUL, BUT NO MATTER WHERE I LOOK, THE GREATEST BEAUTY I SEE IS YOU

damage: 1000

i kinda wandered off and they aren’t very specific to relationship hcs anymore, sorry D: !! if you want me to redo them, just resend the request and i’ll happily write them anew!!

[artificialenvy]

CALLOUT POST

@currynahh / @currynya is a shitty person.

I am making this post because I refuse to let them throw around accusations that I'm a predator.

Reasons I believe they are shitty:

I have ADHD, but I'll try not to derail any points.

After not seeing my spouse since Highschool, they invited them to a discord server. I was brought along and given a "+1" role, as in "This person isn't one of us, just @twiranux 's +1. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if it didn't create and "In group" and "out group" where the people in the ingroup treated the +1 role as "not a friend, just a +1."

They have a room for venting in that server, as a lot of people do. I have seen people typing in there on three occasions and decided not to interrupt them for my own needs, however the time I got to start typing in there and posted a couple of messages to indicate I would be typing, someone else came in and made it about them. I doubt they meant harm by that, but I went to @currynahh and explained it hurt to be silenced like that. I wasn't looking for an apology, I was looking for a solution so other people don't get hurt. My proposed suggestion was a second vent room for if there were 2 people needing it at once on that large a server, it would be helpful, or atleast a rule about interrupting vulnerable people. They dismissed this saying "two rooms wouldn't help because what if there were THREE people" which, if there were three people at the same time one would still have to wait, but the line would be split in half and people would be able to use it if it was an emergency and the first space was already taken without interrupting.

When they dismissed this idea, I said (and I dont have the exact quote as I left the channel, something @currynahh is very particular about is exact phrasing.) "If there's no rule against interrupting I guess next time I'm in need to type and someone is already using the safe space, I'll just be That Dickhead[TM] and interrupt? Can't wait." to which they threatened me with a ban, assuming I meant I was going to actively hurt people instead of just pointing out that there being no rule meant ANYONE could be That Dickhead[TM]

I also pointed out the inconsistency of threatening me with a ban for saying I'd do what the other user actually did and cut someone off. (they never spoke to the person who interrupted me about the event, to my knowledge, and I never spoke to them or saw their name) so I referred to them as "the fucker who interrupted me." Not in a mean way, just.. Here people can be called fuckers, like calling kids brats. I apologized once they said they found that rude, but they kept bringing it up saying I was name calling.

This is Hearsay, but apparently they said the person probably interrupted me because of ADHD, they seem a bit too comfortable deciding what is a factor of someone's else disabilities without consulting them.

Them dismissing my problems and threatening me with a ban instead of trying to fix their server made me actually go to name calling, and I still feel it's fair to call them a heartless cunt. Heartless for pretending to care when really they just wanted to defend someone in the in-group, Cunt cause it's a great word and it fits. I know the word Cunt is seen more harshly in some places, again, so much here. They really take offense to regional and class based dialects. They went to a private school and were calling me mean for just calling a dude I had no name for as "a fucker" when to me, someone who's poor and went to public school in a shitty town in Ontario, it's the norm here.

Since they showed they really didn't care I told them they were fake and left their channel, my spouse chose to follow me which I didnt know about at the time.

They DMed my spouse with another person who hasn't spoken to my spouse or I in 6 years to call me toxic, abusive and a predator. My spouse said they wouldn't have that conversation without me, as its childish and unproductive to just talk behind peoples backs. When @currynahh kicked me out of the group chat, refusing to talk like adults, my spouse asked me to log into their account to participate since they didn't want to be cornered by these two people to talk shit about someone they care about.

They call me toxic and abusive because I vaguely know the passwords to @twiranux 's accounts, despite never logging in unless asked to (for example a daily event in a videogame that they won't be able to make in time but wants the rewards.) and because on one occasion while I was napping, my spouse forgot an agreement we made about watching a specific movie together and I was upset about that, as I'm sure most people would be if their partner agreed to not watch something without them. I tried to keep my cool and just stay out of the way of their enjoyment, but my spouse wanted me to join in atleast for the end so I did, still grumpy but trying to make the best of it. If they had waited an hour or chose a different movie, things would've been different but @currynahh doesn't want "excuses."

They call me a predator because the person I'm married to is 2 years younger than me. @twiranux and I have been together almost 9 years now, we started Long Distance Online Dating just playing minecraft, listening to owl city (our song's Honey and The Bee 🐝,) and making Garry's Mod youtube videos. We would've been about 13 and 15 at the time, though it is worth noting that our birthdays were less than a month away from when we started dating so 14 and 16 if you want to make that distinction, I was in class with people the same age as my spouse. They think the age is gross, but we were two neurodivergent kids who were extremely sheltered at the time (helicopter parents/physical disabilities) who could only have freedom online. We had met through liking the same movies and youtubers and knew eachother a year before, while I was asking for advice on asking someone else out, my now spouse confessed attraction to me and I suggested we try "dating" for a bit, which consisted of nothing new except drawing cute pictures and giving eachother nicknames. I dont know if I knew their age at the time, but I did think they were a boy which didn't change anything, just hopefully shows I wasn't some 30 year old neckbeard hunting for kids on the net, I was just a disabled kid who was caught off guard by a confession of attraction and rolled with it.

@currynahh says they have proof that we weren't innocent in highschool, as (they claim) we asked them to write nsfw fanfic about us, which.. we didn't? My spouse has no idea where thats coming from and neither do I so just a blatant lie. Not that it's anyone's business but my spouse and I didnt meet in person for about 4 years and anything physical took place after we were both legal adults, im not comfortable going into more detail.

After my spouse had me log onto their account to show they weren't going to be cornered by those two, I was allowed back into the group chat to try and figure out why they think im problematic, but @currynahh insists im just making excuses when I've just been saying exactly what im saying here. They say I'm sugarcoating it, I disagree. I dont have the exact words I said about everything, but admitting to calling her a Heartless Cunt isn't something I'd do if i were sugarcoating it as she suggests. This is how it played out they keep trying to shove me into this "abuser" box they framed me in without knowing me.

They would repeatedly spew paragraphs of "points" then block me and leave the group chat while I was typing up a response. They don't want excuses (read: explanations) and they don't care about facts (that they misunderstood certain things and was willing to clear up what I meant if they weren't so caught up on semantics.)

I will not go into my partners mental illnesses on this platform, but they have a psychiatrist who I've met and I have to (sometimes in a way that looks controlling to someone who doesn't know the problems) keep my spouse grounded. The Psychiatrist thought I was doing a great job at managing it, but @currynahh disagrees, saying I'm enabling (without even letting us tell them what the problem is or how im helping.)

Which brings us to the next point; they say I can't talk about the mental health of myself or my spouse because it will trigger them, meaning they block any attempt we make at explaining how it works. They treat us as a neurotypical couple and call it abusive when I'm literally just doing what's deemed best by a psychiatrist for my spouse.

For DARING to tell her to stop calling me a predator, she calls me a narcissist, which is just.. Very cool. Love me some armchair diagnosis. They also diagnosed me with anger issues (from one call in which I was grumpy and then me trying to defend myself from these accusations.) So really, I think docs are being paid too much 'cause @currynahh is doing their job for free.

Because they weren't listening to my spouse, my spouse decided to stop typing, especially since she was just going on long rants then leaving the server before we could reply. Whenever @twiranux gets a chance to speak, @currynahh would leave the server claiming it triggers their anxiety to face the consequences of what they said. Then they would tell me to quit speaking over @twiranux when I was just speaking on our behalf, while in a call with @twiranux due to these reasons.

Instead of keeping their nose out of our relationship like we were asking, they kept trying to tell my spouse (who chose to marry me and lives in another country) that im abusive because they think trusting eachother is a sign of abuse.

Instead of listening that we're fine, they throw a tantrum and tell us to go to marriage counseling (which, although I wouldn't be opposed to going, is very telling that they think people can just do things that require money on a whim.)

They say that "instead of saving up to move in together and have kids you should put money towards marriage counseling" which again, what savings do they think I have? My bank account has -$4.00 in it and my spouse can't work right now. We have nothing.

They keep bringing up kids and how would we raise them? Would they not have privacy? Its a stupid point they threw out there as currently there aren't plans to have kids and there's huuuge difference between a married couple knowing eachothers passwords and not letting your kids have privacy.

They keep bringing up the fact that we've lost friends before without knowing why. So if they want to private message me I'd be happy to tell her about how we left our last friend group after a dispute where the other people were claiming the N word was inoffensive. Or the group that actually was trying to get into my spouses pants and we weren't comfortable there. You keep making accusations then refusing to listen to facts.

Idk if I'm missing anything, if they unblock me and see this they will probably say I'm staw-manning again without actually telling me how and while having no counter arguments. They also don't accept my adhd for accidentally derailing, while using theirs to deflect any criticism.

Karina, you don't know us and you say even talking about our mental health will trigger you, so you need to accept that you're unwilling or unable to understand the dynamics of our relationship but just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's toxic. I wouldn't have made this post if you didn't keep calling me a predator, but I need to clear that accusation publicly before you keep throwing around dangerous labels.

Grow up. Get some help. Learn that your POV isn't the only one.