incorrect-koopalings

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Hip: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Hop: Bet you I can!

Bigmouth: *sips cocoa, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

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Lemmy: I hate you with every inch of my body!

Wendy: That’s not a lot of inches.

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Junior, texting Iggy: Iggy there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Junior: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry

Junior: Iggy

Junior: Iggy

Iggy: Iggy is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

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Larry: I feel empty inside.

Wendy: You don't have to say that every time you take a shit.

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*takes a handful of black mold and spider webs tangled together in the corner of the bathroom with a bare hand* this amalgamation of silk and fungus may have the potential for developing consciousness, the spiders that used to inhabit the webs are now fused with the mold, their minds are now basically melted together with no sense of individuality at all. we may be witnessing something like an accelerated version of evolution, the birth of a new species which could have the potential to become the new top of the food chain. Fascinating, truly *the camera zooms out, revealing that I'm not wearing any protective gear, only a pair of demonias boots and latex shorts*

However, this miraculous hybrid of arachnids and mold has encountered a predator like no other. *shoves the handful of spider mold in mouth while maintaining intense eye contact with the camera*

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Kootie Pie: You don't think I can fight because of my gender!

Bigmouth: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Cheatsy can fight in that dress either.

Cheatsy: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

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there are no koopalings in the nintendo direct 😔

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Updated gender/sexuality shit bc TDOV was last Monday lol:

I headcanon that Koopas' grasp on gender and sexuality used to be like, xenogenders and neopronouns (paleopronouns?), lesboys, etc, but they had to conform to standards set by other kingdoms and it was mostly lost to time.

Junior: What's a pronoun? What's a S-word-uality? I'm a boy, and I like Sage, who's a girl.

Hip: *just got it explained to him in a kid-friendly way* Oh, okay, that makes sense! I'm a boy, and romance is gross!

Hop: Can I do what Larry does? I'm a boy, but being a girl sometimes sounds cool! [does she know?]

Bigmouth: I've just started learning about gender and sexuality from Kooky. I think I'm a cis boy, and I like he/him. I still think romance is gross right now, but I also think Amy Rose is kinda cute, but so is Ash Ketch–

Cheatsy: Geez, Bigmouth, let others have a turn! I'm a cis boy (probably), he/him, and I'm probably aromantic. I don't want to think about... y'know... that... so I guess I'm ace?

Larry: I'm fluidflux, bitches! She/he (I used they for a bit but that didn't fit), and I think I'm demi!

Morton: Demiboy, I think. Um, he/him!

Bully: Listen, man, I'm a normal– erm, sorry. Cis dude. I was kinda transphobic before, so I'm still learnin'. Also I'm gay.

Wendy: *wearing a trans-colored bow* Isn't it obvious? She/her. Also, I'm straight.

Iggy: I've been reading about ancient Koopa gender studies, and my eyes have been opened. I'm an agender aromantic lesbian boygirl. I use any pronouns except for he or she, and I encourage you to get 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 with neopronouns when talking about me! (Hopefully Surge isn't too upset about me being aro...)

Kootie Pie: I'm into boys and boys alone, and I'm cis. [token cishet]

Roy: Pansexual, panromantic, trans guy! He/him, unless you disrespect me, then my pronouns become lethal/threat.

Kooky: I'm stealing that line, but swapping he/him for they/them! I don't really have a gender, I'm just Kooky von Koopa! I guess you could say I'm genderkooky! *cackles* And I guess I'm aromantic and asexual. Gives me more time to plan world domination! *cackles* In all seriousness, yeah, I am aroace.

Lemmy: Aromantic gay bigender trans man! He/him! If you refer to me as she/her and you're not named Larry, Morton, or Iggy, I'll steal your kneecaps and sell them on the black market :3

Ludwig: Asexual, heteroromantic, masculine genderqueer. He/they.

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Realized I'm running low on quotes and decided to update to one per day

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Roy: *is hugging Lemmy*

Wendy: Hey! It's my turn to hug Lemmy!

Wendy: *grabs Lemmy*

Morton: *kicking down the door* What you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time!

Roy: No, It's still my turn!

Lemmy: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!

Wendy: But we need the moral support!

Roy: And you're small! Which is cute!

Morton: If I don't hug you, I might die from... from my d-depression.

Lemmy: *close to tears* Well- I, I guess.

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Ludwig: What do you think Larry will do for a distraction?

Lemmy: She'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Roy: ...or he could do that.

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Topper: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Rango: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

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Spewart: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something.

Hariet, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?

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Ten, learning how to drive: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Ecks: The car takes a screenshot.

Shun: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

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Ten: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’

Ten: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.

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Hariet: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

Ecks: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

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Topper: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with.

Ludwig, referring to himself and Shun: Even us?

Topper: Especially you guys.

Shun:

Ludwig:

Shun: Petition to kick Topper out so he stops insulting us.

Ludwig: Seconded.