#these are from real life. idk if i feel confident in saying this shit about myself but also. i was a baby so like.

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

rb maybe? or don't

[debtsunpaid]

core difference between nbc chas and comics chas for me essentially boils down to where they stand with john and how big a role the supernatural plays in their lives. i mean:

nbc chas: is currently seeing & supporting john at his lowest, is often playing the muscle against supernatural creatures & has to consider his own personal safety in every plan that john makes, has access to the behind-the-scenes of planning & knows how often john is just flying by the seat of his pants.

he has confidence in john's abilities but very little real trust or faith, and feels the need to temper the recklessness with reminders of his own mortality.

comics chas: sees john once in a blue moon or when being asked a favor, only really experiences john's lows after personal conflict with people (rather than after near-world-ending events), is actively prevented from being at the heart of most supernatural conflicts unless sucked in unintentionally, sees the end results of john's planning (where he succeeds) more than the process (where he sacrifices).

he does not have a fucking clue what it is that john actually does, exactly, but will rely on him for help without hesitation, follow him to the ends of the earth without question, and beat the brakes off anyone who tries to stop him with pleasure.

[wreckedandpolemic]

screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain - matty healy

(mdni) in which your jealousy gets the better of you. part of the regret me universe and promptober75 2024. 3725 words.

warnings: mean dom reader, pegging, sub!matty, mommy kink, slight feminisation, orgasm denial, idk they're real mean to each other

“I cannot fucking believe you, Healy,” you scowl, the thudding pulse of the club fading into the background as you storm after him. 

Matty doesn’t turn, but you can still hear his smirk. “For a girl who’s so insistent she doesn’t give a shit whether I live or die, you’re really fucking worried about who I spend my time with.”

You clench a fist, twitching like you’re itching to punch him in the face. “I wish you’d fucking die. It’d save me a fuckload of headaches.” At that, he does turn, thunder rumbling ominously in the same moment. 

“Oh, that’s fucking rich. D’you know how much easier my life would be if I’d never fucking met you?” he snaps. You don’t want to examine why you suddenly feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. “Could be getting off with any one of those girls right now, ‘cept I’ve got this jealous little cockblock following me around ‘cause she knows she has to cling to me to stay relevant.”

You stagger backwards like you’ve been shot, all your bravado crumpled at the confirmation of your fears. Fat droplets of rain splatter against the pavement, and you all but scream. “So go back in there, then! Find some desperate whore who’s dumb enough to fuck you for her fifteen minutes of fame, right? Really stroke that fucking ego of yours.” The rain is coming thick and fast, the tears prickling in your eyes concealed by water pouring down your face. “But we both know you’re gonna be thinking of me when you cum.”

You’ve barely noticed Matty edging closer as you yell until he’s grabbing you by the wrists and pulling you in. “You’re poison. You’re fucking— I don’t know what’s wrong with me to need you like this. I can’t—” You cut him off, crashing your lips together as the rain pounds around you.

“Just fucking shut up,” you breathe, half-laughing. “You’re so fucking— mmm— insufferable.”

Chest heaving, Matty scowls down at you. “You can’t just fucking snog me ‘cause you don’t like what I have to say. If you’d shut your fucking trap for two seconds and—”

You cut him off again. “Watch me. You’re right, I don’t give a fuck what you have to say, or how you rationalise whatever this is to yourself.” You gesture vaguely to the space between you. “I’m not interested in your mouth at all unless it’s between my legs, actually.” You’re soaked to the bone, lying through your teeth and holding back a shiver.

“Why’s it so hard for you to admit you want me?” Matty needles. “Could’ve left well enough alone in there, but you had to stake some kind of claim on me, right? Followed me all the way out just to tell me you don’t care. Nah. I think you do. I think you need me like I need you. I think you don’t know who you are without me, and you hate it.”

His ability to peel back your skin, lean in, pluck your thoughts straight from your mind is unsettling, a shiver that’s nothing to do with the cold running through you. “You’re so full of shit. Can’t fathom a world where everyone on the planet isn’t obsessed with you. Gotta make yourself feel important, ‘cause you’re so empty inside, right? Can’t deal with the fact I only fuck around with you ‘cause you’re easy and you can find the clit.” Your breathing is ragged, your heart a lead weight in your chest. Matty clearly doesn’t believe a fucking word of it, either; you’re fighting a losing battle, but the flames of arousal sparking between you are starting to drown out the rest of the world.

“You’re such a fucking liar,” he breathes against your lips, cupping your jaw almost tenderly. “Lucky for you, I think you’re pretty when you lie to me.”

You scoff. “You think I’m pretty all the time.”

“I do.” Your confidence falters again, and you break eye contact. “What the fuck are we doing here?” Matty laughs. “Screamin’ at each other in the street in the pissing rain. We both know how this ends. Why don’t we just skip to the part where we’re fucking each other’s brains out, yeah?”

At that, you laugh openly. “You’re fucking in for it, Healy. Come on.” You stumble through the rain-soaked streets, slipping on wet cobblestone and tumbling into Matty’s arms. You hate how safe you feel there. His flat is as familiar as your own when he lets you in, smelling of cigarettes and weed and the obnoxiously sweet-scented candles he lights to cover up the weed smell.

Matty practically throws you onto the bed, barely out of your sopping wet clothes as he collapses on top of you and grinds down through your underwear. “M’still fucked off at you,” you mutter between desperate kisses.

“Mhmm, whatever you say. Y’still in my bed, though,” Matty smirks down at you, and you scowl, raising your hand threateningly. He only tilts his head, almost an invitation, so you follow through. The crack of your palm meeting his cheek is oh-so satisfying, the sound spilling over you as his cheek reddens. “You can do better than that,” he scoffs.

“I could,” you say. “But if I get the knife out, I’ll probably cut your dick off. And that’s no fun for either of us. S’all you’re good for,” you say, shrugging as best you can pinned as you are to the mattress.

Matty tilts your head up, presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “I’d probably let you,” he admits.

You grin. “Oh, he’s learning. You ready to be a good boy for me?” He doesn’t want to surrender, you can tell. But he wants fucked, and he knows that’s the only way to get what he wants. “Just gotta say sorry, baby. Then you can have as much cock as you can take, yeah?”

Matty just glowers down at you. “Could just fuck myself,” he mutters petulantly. “Don’t need you.”

Smiling sweetly, you ease yourself out from under him. “Go on, then. Fuck yourself and pretend it’s even half as good as me. Some entertainment for the neighbours,” you say, swallowing a grimace as you struggle into your still-soaked clothes. “Have the night you deserve, Matthew.”

His eyes are wide, almost forlorn, as you turn to leave, but you don’t even make it halfway to the kitchen before he’s scrambling after you. He knows you’re not bluffing; this is a trick you’ve pulled before, and the first couple of times he was stubborn enough to let you leave. But last time, you hooked up with another guy after you left, sent him a picture of your cum-covered chest and sort-of lied about how hard you came. Matty grabs you by the arm, spins you around to face him, panting slightly. “Fuck, darling, please don’t go. M’sorry, okay?”

You raise an eyebrow. “You’re not very convincing. C’mon, where’s the theatrics? You love those,” you scoff, digging red, pointed nails into his jaw hard enough to leave marks. “Get on your knees and beg for my dick. Tell me how much you need me. Convince me that you deserve it.”

Matty thuds to his knees without question, desire pooling between your hips at the sight. “Shit, c’mon, darling. I’m sorry.” He grips your thighs needily, fingers shaking as he slides them up to your zipper. “I need you, need you to fuck me, only one who can. I’ll be good, promise. Just need you to fuck me dumb, please,” he whines, and you thumb softly across his cheek.

He’s so pretty when he pleads like this, desperate and so needy he’s straining against his boxers. “What are you sorry for, Matty?” you murmur, sliding your thumb into his mouth and stroking his tongue.

You trail your thumb down his neck, still wet with his spit as he starts to tug your jeans down your legs. “Was bein’ a little bitch,” he sighs. “I need you, darling. Y’the only one who can fuck me how I need it.” It’s not exactly penance, but it’s probably the best you’re going to get.

“There’s my good boy,” you grin. “On your knees beggin’ for me like a little whore, s’cute,” you add, kicking out at his cock where it drools into his boxers. You jerk your head towards the bedroom, and Matty catches the hint, stumbling in his haste to obey. Wandering after him, just slow enough to make him sweat a little, you lean against the doorframe to watch him slick up his fingers.

Your cunt throbs as he circles his hole, legs spread wide and chest already heaving. “Please…” he whines, thin and reedy, his cock drooling against his stomach. 

You sit on the end of the bed, leaning back on your hands in just your bra and panties. “Please, what, princess? I’m watching the show,” you tease, slowly rubbing over your clit through your underwear. Matty whimpers, adds another finger, gasps your name in a shaky, breathy voice that almost makes your resolve crumble.

And then, he murmurs two words that get him whatever he fucking wants. “Please, Mommy.” The title is still new, rare enough that just hearing it drip from his spit-slick lips makes your cunt throb, sets your rational brain spinning dizzily away from your consciousness. 

“Fuck, y’killing me, princess,” you moan, crawling up Matty’s body as his legs tremble and he whines loudly from brushing that perfect little spot inside him. “Mommy’s here, baby, tell me what you need,” you coo, trailing your fingers down his cheek adoringly; all your anger is practically forgotten in favour of wanting — no, needing — to reduce him to a whimpering mess of pleasure, crying and begging for his Mommy.

His face contorts in pleasure, muscles tensing and flexing as he fingers himself. Your entire body goes hot just looking at him, and you tilt his head up to press a kiss against his lips. “Please fuck me,” he begs. “Please. I’ll be so good for you, Mommy.”

Your gaze is hard, impassive even as you trail your fingers down his chest to trace over his tattoo. “I want you to remember this,” you say, soft but cool; there’s no way he could mistake your calm for tenderness. “Remember lying on your back, remember begging for your Mommy to fuck you drooling, and next time you want to pretend I’m nothing to you, that I’m just another one of the girls who throw themselves at you for attention, I want you to think about this moment.”

Matty looks gorgeous, plush lower lip sucked between his teeth and eyes brimming with desperate tears, and your emotions are spinning out of control faster than you can even think. You want to rip him apart, dig your nails into his ribcage, claw out his heart and feel it beating in your hands. Don’t you see me? you’d beg, holding it against your lips. Don’t you know I’d ruin myself for you? Can’t you see what’s right fucking infront of you? You realise your hand is pressing against Matty’s throat, his eyes rolled back in pleasure as he gasps for air.

He whimpers your name, and please, and Mommy, arching his back as the wet, glossy sounds of his fingers fill the room. “Y’right,” he gasps as soon as you lift your hand from his neck. “I need you. I can’t— can’t live without you, baby. I just— please,” he begs, low and broken, desperation layered so thick in his voice that you can almost taste it.

“Needy fucking boy,” you coo, climbing off him to fix a harness to your hips. Matty’s eyes fall greedily to the silicone hanging between your legs, his hand speeding as a low moan spills from his lips. “You like it? S’new,” you grin, coating your fingers in lube and slicking up the toy. “Bit bigger than you’re used to, princess. You think you can still take it?”

“I’ll take whatever you tell me to,” he breathes, his free hand tracing reverently down your neck to play with your nipple through your bra.

You gasp, reaching down to pump his drooling cock in reward. “M’serious, baby. Are you sure you can take it? I don’t wanna hurt you.” Matty snorts. “Fine, I don’t wanna hurt you like this.”

Matty grins against your mouth, slipping his hand into your hair and kissing you sloppily, pent-up desire flooding between your mouths. “I can take it. Need you to fuck me, Mommy, please,” he whines.

“Such a little slut,” you mutter, disgust colouring the edges of your words. “You think any of those fucking girls from the club could give it to you like this?” you snap, cunt clenching with every tremble of his lip and hitch in his breath. Shaking his head, Matty claws at your hips, tries to guide you into his hole. “Not so fast. Hands and knees, yeah? Sick of looking at you,” you snap. It’s half-true. You hate the way he looks at you on nights like these, with dazed half-moon eyes and pure adoration; it’s nauseating to know you’ll only ever see it behind a locked door.

Obediently, Matty goes to his knees, his hole slick and dripping and fluttering obscenely. You tease him with just the tip, trailing your fingers over the curve of his ass. You push into him slowly, his begging little moan sliding sweetly over your brain. “F-fuck, yes!” he gasps, back arching and chest heaving. “Shit, harder, please,” he whines.

You slap the side of his ass. “Oh, you’re giving orders now?” you scoff, snapping your hips hard against Matty’s. “I don’t fucking think so. Shut up and take it like a good boy, okay?” you order. Still, you oblige him, fucking into him quick and deep, moaning like you can really feel him tight around you.

“Oh, fuck, you feel so good, Mommy,” Matty groans, collapsing onto his elbows and dripping moans into the sheets.

You reach down to stroke Matty’s drooling cock as you fuck him in rhythmic strokes. “Such a little cockwhore, shit,” you mutter, scraping your nail over the faintly raised scar in the shape of a heart on his asscheek. The reminder of your physical mark on him is grounding, lucidity cutting through stupor. “Say it,” you add, tugging sharply on his hair as he lets out a sound that’s half-gasp, half-moan.

“M’your little cockwhore, Mommy,” Matty whines. “Thank you,” he adds dazedly, his entire body flushed red. “Shit, there, right there, fuck, yes!” he almost wails, entire body convulsing under your attentions. You slam into him over and over, his every whine as you hit his g-spot fucking delicious.

“God, got you so dumb. You love this, don’t you? Taking Mommy’s dick like a good little girl?” The moan he lets out is pure, unfiltered lust, shame painting his cheeks red as arousal drips from his cock. “You’re so wet,” you breathe, reaching around him and letting him drool precum against your fingers. Never mind that your own panties are fucking soaked through. Lifting your fingers to Matty’s lips, you don’t even have to instruct him before he’s cleaning them off obediently, moaning softly at his own taste.

Matty rocks his hips back against yours, trying to force you deeper. You slap his ass when you pull back, the message clear: behave yourself. “M’close,” he warns, spit leaking from the corners of his mouth and his entire body twitching from it.

His whine when you pull out is obscene, and you click your tongue. “You didn’t really think I was gonna let you cum after the shit you pulled today, did you?” you sigh, deliberately condescending. “If you wanted to cum that bad, you should have gone and fucked one of those girls who was gagging for you at the club.” You discard the harness, flip him over as his chest heaves. “But you didn’t, did you? You wanted me. So you’re gonna take what I give you and be fucking grateful, okay?” Matty nods weakly. “Say it. Say I’m sorry, Mommy. Thank you for not letting me cum.”

You’re being cruel, now. But you can’t deny how good it feels to be in power for a change; Matty holds all the cards between you, and he fucking well knows it. You’ll never hear the words you really want, the confession you lie awake torturing yourself imagining, that haunts your dreams of him. So you settle for torturing him, and, in turn, yourself. “M’sorry, Mommy,” Matty moans into the air between you. “Thank you for not letting me cum,” he repeats dutifully, and you break into a callous little grin.

“There you are,” you coo, and he looks so beautiful, so desperate and broken with longing, that it’s a fight not to relent, to give him whatever he fucking wants. “Good boys get rewarded, yeah? You can make me cum however you like, okay, princess?”

You take his hand, slip it into your panties, rough fingers sliding through the wetness pooled there and finding your clit on instinct. “Fuck,” he whines. “Wanna fuck you. Please. On your— on your back,” he pleads. Rolling over, you spread your legs so Matty can kneel between them, kissing the inside of your knee as he pulls your panties off. He kisses your clit, licks a broad, flat stripe across your cunt like he can’t resist, and moans at your taste. A bolt of pleasure leaps up your spine; you hadn’t realised how neglected your cunt was while you fucked him.

Matty takes hold of your ankles, lifts your legs and practically bends you in half. The aching stretch feels so good, and you’d be worried about your control slipping in this position if it weren’t for the needy, desperate-to-please look in his eye. He doesn’t bother teasing, doesn’t waste time playing with you, stretching you out; just slides into you and buries his head in your tits with a moan. Sliding your hand into Matty’s hair, you drag his head until he wraps his lips around your nipple. “Good boy,” you murmur, pleasure seeping into every muscle in your body. “You love ‘em, don’t you? You wanna suck Mommy’s tits, make me feel good?”

Hips jerking, Matty moans around your boob, sucking softly and circling your clit in the same moment. You sigh out his name, content to let him set a slow, indulgent pace as pleasure throbs heavily everywhere his skin meets yours. His teeth graze your nipple, and you whine, your cunt clenching needily. The noise seems to spur him on, and he bites down harder, tongue flicking soothingly over the sensitive skin as you cry out in pain and press your body up against his. Matty’s fingers are frantic at your clit, pressure already mounting between your thighs and threatening to spin out of control.

After what feels like an achingly, deliciously long time, Matty moves his mouth, sucks and bites at the soft flesh of your tit until you can feel a bruise forming. His hips and hand never falter from their pace, dragging you ever closer to a peak you can already tell will be explosive, bone-shattering, mind-erasing. “Y’feel so good, Mommy,” he gasps, laving his tongue against your other nipple and fucking into you faster and faster. 

“Talk to me, princess,” you say. Matty pulls off you and looks up with dazed, lust-blown eyes. “Aw, baby. I know it’s hard when you’re all dumb like this, but I want you to tell me exactly what feels good, how close you are, everything going on in that pretty, stupid head of yours,” you breathe, broken up by desperate moans and needy whines.

Matty’s trembling, muscles tense with the effort of holding back his orgasm. “Cunt feels so good,” he murmurs, carefully enunciating every word as they trace down your skin. “You look so pretty, Mommy, so fucking beautiful. Thank you for— for lettin’ me— fuck, I can’t— I need you s’bad, always know what I need, please,” he babbles, helplessly desperate as his head falls to kiss at your collarbones. “Need to make you cum, Mommy, please, I wanna feel it. M’so fuckin’ close,” he pants, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

“Hold it,” you order, gasping as Matty pinches your clit harshly. Pleasure-pain spirals in your chest, shattering at the base of your skull and sending you flying. You scream his name, clenching tight around him as your hands fist in the sheets. Sheer ecstasy pools in your veins, burns you up from the inside out, Matty stilling on top of you as he watches pleasure paint itself across your face.

You can feel his cock twitching desperately, every second he’s inside you torturous. “Can I cum? Please let me cum, I— God, fuck! Mommy, please. It hurts,” he whines, desperate and pathetic and pleading.

His begging is desperately, disgustingly hot, every word tracing over your skin like a caress. It isn’t going to work, though. “I told you I wasn’t going to let you cum. Don’t be greedy,” you scoff, rolling your eyes when he whines. “Let me get you cleaned up, and if you’re good, I’ll think about it in the morning, okay?” You suddenly realise you don’t know if you can stay; it’s always been implicit when you land in each others’ beds, but as much as you hate to admit it, things are different for him now.

Silence hangs in the air between you, seconds stretching agonisingly long before Matty sighs, stretches, pouts down at you and lets you unfold your legs. “Why are you so mean?” he complains, still buried inside you.

“You love it,” you say, but you lift your legs to cross your ankles behind his back. “We can stay like this for a bit, if you want,” you relent, Matty’s body slumping against yours the second you say the words. Lifting your hand, you pet his hair soothingly, letting him bury his head into your neck and kiss the tender skin there. “That’s my good boy. You know I’ll take care of you.” The rain is still beating down against the windows, but in here, with Matty cradled in your arms and as close as you could possibly be, you don’t even remember the cold.

[milqueandsugar]

What if,, a band/artist rivalry between Adam and reader?

Since Adam outright says he's in a band in the first episode,, let's say that there's a rising artist who making themselves big in the music industry in Heaven, maybe even the same genre that Adam's band is in, and he gets ticked off.

So out of curiosity, he goes to one of their concerts (presumably to judge the music itself) but then when they start playing, he's just kinda.. in disbelief. Like the music is good?? And the person singing is hot??

Idk that would be something cool and funny to read,, love your stuff btw, been following since like last year 🙏🙏 I'll be 🥐 anon if that's cool and not taken ofc!

🌼☕` Your Tea Is Ready `☕🌼

Gen / Fluff

Includes / Adam

A/n - thanks for following for so so long! This was fun to write!

| Adam/Rival!Reader|

Listen, alright he only went to investigate

Too see what it was that made you sooo much of a competitor, because upon first glance there was nothing that interesting about you

Like you had cool clothes and hair he wanted to run his hands through, and the most kissable lips he's ever seen, and you pretty much sweated sex appeal but like you were THAT cool

So he takes the chance when an opportunity arises to get seats for your show, he'll take the scolding for the expensive purchase from lute later, the information he could gather was worth far more than any currency

So he goes, fights through the crowd for drinks and then fights through the crowd again to get to his spot

Your fans are insane, thats the first thing, like he's used to fans throwing bras and underwear on stage but these people are screaming and cheering for you like you were on stage, the openers hadn't even started yet wtf was going on??

The crowd hype was real though and by time the openers, who were mid, closed he was feeling the buzz of excitement the crowd carried

It was contagious and his ailment of adrenaline was only worsened when you came on stage and started your first song

Fuck

Yeah he got the appeal

Seeing someone so confident, so in love with their passion made him fall equally in love with you, those are like the two sexiest things and angel can have and you've got them falling out of your pockets babe!!

He buys more tickets to up coming shows and a shit ton of merch while leaving the venue, he would have done it during the show but he couldn't tear his eyes away often enough to blink let alone do anything else

Any sense of envy or competiriveness? Gone, just like the money from his wallet

He only realizes when he's considering buying a signed shirt that he's acting like one of HIS groupies

Oh no

Decides then he needs to quit, you have a sick band, he respects you and has all your songs on vinyl and on his phone but he's not some fucking low life that stalks their celebrity crushes all right?

I mean he's going to keep the merch but hey it might be valuable one day!!

And he'll go see the shows for the tickets he already bought but otherwise it'd just be a waste so whatever it's totally normal

This is such normal behavior, just, be cautious if you ever mention HIS band in a positive light on social or in an interview, he is already heavily considering buying some back stage passes don't force his hand now, come on

[turcott3]

Playing put a finger down (sex edition) at a ducks party with Zelly…idk just smt smutty with Olen

treat you right

olen zellweger x mctavish! sister

warnings?: alcohol, cursing, smut, unprotected sex and fingering

masterlist

-

“okay okay hold on.” trevor says drunkly, thinking of what to say next. you and olen sharing occasional glances.

“oh, i got it.” he starts, glaring strongly at you.

“put a finger down if you’re first, and maybe only body, only ever lasted 5 minutes maximum on your living room couch.” he smirks.

“fuck you.” you retort.

“that was like too specific.” olen butts in at your defense. olen was pretty quiet but you’d always kept your admiration for him close to you. you were somehow embarrassed for anyone to know that you liked him, and now you knew you were fucked since he had this crude information about you and your ex’s shitty sex life.

“what? she hadn’t put a finger down yet. i had to say something.”

“yeah well never told mason that i fucked him because he didn’t like him so, thanks trevor.” you reply, olen placing a soft hand on your back for a moment to soothe the nerves. you were happy that he’d been called up. being able to spend proper time around him has only caused your fancy for him to grow, and you couldn’t tell how mutual the feeling was, even if he was a little touchy.

“oh, sorry.” he replies, muting his snarky tone.

“i won’t hold it over your head y/n, clearly you’re upset by it so why should i make you more upset?” mason replies gritting his teeth. you could tell he wanted to say something but refrained for doing so to save you some embarrassment.

you were lucky to have a brother like mason. he was very caring and kept your head on your shoulders when you needed it most, which was a lot. especially when you were with your ex, whom he despised.

“can we just fuckin drink now, i’m about to lose anyway.” trevor complains and you roll your eyes. you liked trevor but couldn’t always vibe with his smart ass attitude.

“okay, put a finger down if the best friend you used to hold dicks with to pee got traded across the country and you still haven’t even gone to see him.” you smirked back at trevor and he snapped his finger down.

“and don’t make the excuse that you don’t have time, you and i both know that’s a lie.” you continue, standing up with your one drink for the night, disappearing into the kitchen to find another bottle for once you were done with the first.

“hey.” olen says turning the corner of the counter. the two of you alone in the kitchen away from the drama.

“are you good?” he asks.

“oh uh, yeah. kinda.” you reply unsurely.

“do you wanna go talk?” he asks.

“yeah we can go sit on my balcony.” you accept his advance and leave the bottle on the counter, not wanting the buzz to ruin the moment. luckily, you decided to sip this one so you weren’t even feeling any sort of intoxication. you guide olen into your bedroom and onto your balcony. the southern california air was warm and dry as the sun dipped lower and lower on the horizon.

“so, how are you feeling after that game?” you ask him, asserting yourself.

“i’m feeling good. i feel like im pretty tame compared to some of those guys.”

“and ‘to some of those guys’ you mean alex and trevor?” you giggle in response.

“yep. they’re a little wild for me.” he admits laughing lightly.

“yeah, me and trevor are good friends but he pisses me off. i told him the story in confidence. he’s one of the people that got me to break up with that loser anyway.”

“tell me about that.”

“well he was my first and only boyfriend. so at the time obviously i thought i was in love and shit. like i thought the sex was good, i thought he loved me. let’s just say wrong and wrong.” you explain, olen placing his arm behind you on the loveseat.

“damn that does sound pretty shitty, you for real haven’t had like a good good experience with sex?”

“nah, i mean i fucked him many times when we were together but i don’t think i ever actually like….. you know, came.” you admit, your face burning red.

“really?” he says in a curious tone.

“yeah and it kind of sucks. because i hear people talk about how good it is all the time. i just feel like i put myself out there and get no payoff.”

“well maybe you don’t have to search too far.” he says quietly as you lean your head on his shoulder. growing more comfortable in his presence by the second.

“yeah maybe not.” you sigh, at first not registering what he may have been suggesting. you sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before removing his arm from behind you. before you knew it, he turned your head to his, attaching your lips softly, the kiss blossoming into something deeper by the second. something must have kicked into both of you as he picked you up and brought you onto his lap, straddling his hips, the placement of his hands giving you goosebumps.

“olen please.” you moan on his lips breaking the kiss.

“what is it pretty girl?” he asks.

“can we?” you ask, sending him your most sop puppy dog eyes.

“yeah, we can.” he giggles, bringing you back in by the nape of your neck, picking you up with ease, carrying you back into your bedroom. he slid the balcony door shut and pulled the curtains as you clicked your lock, he put pillows behind your headboard to insure no sound would be made. you both undressed hectically, giggling as you ran into each other in passing making sure everything was secure.

“i think we’re safe now.” you whisper by the door, tugging on the handle, reassuring yourself that a drunk and stumbling Z would not walk into your room while olen was dick deep inside you.

“wow look at you, how could he not treat you right? you’re fucking stunning.” he says climbing over you reattaching your lips, his fingers making immediate contact with your heat. his fingers twisted your quickly swelling bud before he pushed them inside you, keeping your composure as best as you could, your moan mumbling itself on his lips. while your lips were still busy, your free hand found its way to his dick, taking it into your hand and pumping him hard in decent time. you both knew you didn’t wanna be gone too long, so you had to make this at least a tiny bit speedy.

“fuck.” he grunts pulling away from your lips, spreading your knees open, pushing himself into you. you sighed in relief when the feeling of his cock inside you finally came around, brushing your sensitive spot at the first try.

“god olen.” you moan, trying to keep your voice close to a whisper if possible. his thrusts were slow and thorough, pushing into you at the perfect angle.

“feel so good y/n.” he grunts quietly, face still inches from yours. he sped up his thrusts slightly, trying his best not to raise the volume of his skin slapping against yours. one snap of his hips caused a loud moan to leave your mouth, instantly slapping your hand over your face. he continued his pace, giggling slightly at the fact that you were enjoying yourself. you’d been so stressed about them not hearing you that you didn’t even think about what your body was craving, and that was him. eventually,’you accepted it, releasing your hand from your face, moans quietly ringing from your mouth as you saw stars. his lips attached to your neck as you pulled on his hair, practically begging him to speed up because you could feel a wave of euphoria coming.

“oh fuck.” you moan and he leans up.

“are you okay?” he asks.

“yes, fuck, more than okay.” you reply, pulling him back to your lips. his lips were soft and plump and you were addicted to the taste of them. his hands moved from the bed to your waist, fucking you impossibly deeper, your moans coming from deep inside you.

“y/n?” you hear a voice with a knock on the door and olen slows his thrusts down significantly. pumping in and out of you very slowly, almost worse than trying to speak when he’s going fast. feeling every inch of his swollen cock inside you.

“yeah?” you say biting your lip, digging your nails into his back.

“are you okay? i thought i heard crying.” you hear trevor’s voice on the other side of the door.

figures.

“oh uh, yeah. i’m fine.”

“well if i upset you earlier im really sorry okay? i didn’t mean it like that. i shouldn’t have said anything.” he apologizes, which you half expected considering mason’s reaction.

“well tha-thank you Z.” you reply shakily

“yeah of course, and have you seen zelly?” he asks one last thing. little did he know exactly where he was right now.

“yeah he’s in here, we’re just talking.” you reply as he snickers above you.

“okay i’ll leave yall alone.” he says and you hear him walk away, olen instantly bringing back his quick and thorough pace.

“god why didn’t you just stop, i’m so sensitive now fuck.” you whine at the way his cock was slamming into you, quickly becoming overwhelmed with senses.

“fuck you’re getting tight baby.”

“oh my god i think i’m cumming.” you say, a galaxy forming behind your eyes before you clenched around him one final time, releasing a quiet cry as your orgasm washed over your body. he gently fucked you all the way to the end, eventually spilling his own climax inside you. crashing out on your chest, pulling out slowly, and your hand immediately finding its way into his hair.

“so, whens that first date?” he asks as you’re both still catching your breath.

“tomorrow?”

“i’m down, ill pick you up at noon.” he replies.

“pick me up? babe, who said you’re leaving tonight?” you giggle.

“do you want me to stay?” he asks.

“i thought that was made pretty clear. i mean you don’t have to if yo-“ you start to panic at your approach.

“y/n, stop. calm down. yes, of course i will stay here with you. i hope mason doesn’t mind.”

“what he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him.”

“well, i think he should know.” he replies, rolling off of you.

“why so soon?”

“so he knows that someone will finally take care of his sister like she should be.” he replies, running gentle fingers through your hair.

“and also, he will see me in the morning when we eat breakfast so, i feel like it’d be best if we spared him the confusion.” he continued.

“oh yeah, you’re definitely correct.” you laugh as he pulls you to his side of the bed, laying you on top of his gorgeous toned figure.

“i feel like we’re moving pretty fast, we haven’t even hit the first date yet.” you giggle and he responds by simply kissing you, your heart melting at the gesture.

you wouldn’t change a single thing about tonight, eventually thanking trevor for exposing you, as it lead to the greatest sex you could’ve ever fathomed.

[stupendousghostswan]

EDIT : I leant of the ship they pushed upon the fans. I am not laughing anymore. FUCK CANON. Arf, I really think it but will need some time. Emotions are high. (respect to their shippers. Ship and let ship. It's that they pulled it in canon like that that bothers me.)

Gonna be honest : that tua has such a bad ending is a relief in a way. It really finally not just takes the show down from its pedestal but burries it deeeeep down. And it makes it so much easier to say "fuck canon". I was stressed before this s4 , if it was good I would have struggled with saying fuck canon and dare to finally post things. Cause it means that I would have faced backlash and had to potentially face pple and get into arguments. Which with my social anxiety and extreme fatigue I just didn't feel like doing. Maybe it's a poor excuse to some but I struggle a lot with social interactions...

Now I just don't care. (I am sorry though for the people that still really cared about the show. For me this show sinked in s2. It fell out of its pedestal back then for me x). So I made my peace with the disappointment... mostly.)

And... I've been eating at myself since I fell into Fiveya/Vanya and it became my main special interest -which any other autistic I think will understand what being THE special interest means.-. I was struggling, terrified of potential backlash and thinking I'd never get to post and share anything, also that this side of the fandom was dead or dormant forever and would always stay so. I felt very alone, I really felt like I couldn't share, due to the fear of backlash. I couldn't even bring myself to try to give a bit to the fandom myself. (I know a big big big part of it was my own imposed limitations. Also I could have maybe dmed the pple I guessed where still in this ship, etc. But I have very bad social anxiety and extreme fatigue and other things so I can't fight the very bad social anxiety for this on top of... dealing with the rest of my life.)

But now I feel such relief and freedom suddenly. I care but also I don't... idk.

So me laughing at this shit ending - as I've been doing for a few hours now - is half a laugh of relief and... bc seriously to beat both GOT and supernatural?!

Now I am not saying I am actually gonna post anything anytime soon. I am excited and under lots of endorphins and dopamine here. But my social anxiety and lack of confidence might catch up very soon 🙈 (spoiler: THEY DID). Plus, I still find my ideas pretty uninteresting and still struggle to finish stuff and struggles a lot with confidence sooo... (and still scared of backlash).

ok also sorry but not posting this on main. I don't have this courage. This is a side account (not side blog, but full on account. I set it up months ago, waiting to either become brave or for the general fandom to die.)

I am already feeling anxiety coming back and itching to write a 3 thousand words disclaimer and explanation of certain things 😭 So i will force myself to do it quickly : I love Viktor (and fiktor) but also love fiveya and Vanya. For me they are separate paper dolls. When taking the Viktor paper doll, that is a trans man, it means obviously taking the trans experience. aka he was always there, etc. But the "existence" of his doll for me doesn't negate the "existence" of the Vanya doll. They don't really exist. It's fiction. Purely fiction. It's not one real person. The Vanya doll was used then they decided to create and use the Viktor doll.

Ok I stop there. I do not come back to edit. I do not come back to edit and/or delete. I post it and not let it lie in my drafts and have eternal regrets. Go on. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave.

(I have already spent at least two hours typing and editing before getting the courage to post it...)

[pseudowho]

Hi Mrs. Haitch :D!!! I have a bit of a problem dump in the following 2 paragraphs. And I absolutely do not expect you to read or respond unless you want to! You’re not a therapist and you’re not responsible for others’ emotions. If you do want to read/reply, that’s really welcomed as well!

I personally have had/am having issues with men who are in their thirties hitting on me when I thought I made it clear I just want to be completely platonic friends AND they all knew my age from the start 🥲 TW - I was 19 when two 33 year olds sexually harassed me (one was a coworker who said stuff out of the blue, like, “you want kids? I’ll put one in you” (for context, he heard me talking to my co-hostess about wanting to raise children in the ways I never got loved, nurtured, and cared for) // “What if I touch myself and moan your name?” // “Wanna hear a joke TRIGGER WARNING “Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot kids inside you” which was literally such a disgusting and inexcusable joke??? Hello?) and currently there’s a 30 year old guy who KEEEEEPS trying to get me to be his super close friend (he was flirting CONSTANTLY until I made it really overly clear I don’t want romance with anyone atm). He knows I am 21 as well! Which is wild to me! Just wild. I’ve literally FELT my frontal lobe developing in the past few years (It’s like I could suddenly start to understand the importance of more practical decisions), and it won’t stop developing until I’m 25 either. So for a full grown 30 year old… to be… I’m 9 year younger than him… idk… it’s weird to me…

and I was wondering, should I feel bad for these people? Would you let pity/guilt override the judgment? (I am not perfect at all and have my share of flaws, but I have had a issues with letting hurt people who hurt people, get away with stuff they do to me AND I feel guilty for not being their personal therapist, even though expecting that of any single person who ISN’T one’s professional therapist, is unfair). You seem like a kind person who understands the depth of humans, so I think I trust your judgment! And would love to hear what you have to say if you want to share. The 33 year olds have deep rooted issues and my heart truly sympathizes with them (but I do feel a shit ton of disgust too. if they ever did that to somebody else I would be SO MAD).

I’m eventually somehow gonna figure these questions out (as life tends to go), so don’t worry about this ask at all if it’s not ur cup of tea, or is draining.

Take care and hope you have a LOVEEEELYYYY DAYYYYYY!!!! (Also curious what ur fav tea is? Mine is Numi’s earl gray. It’s too perfect, so elevated. Very flavorful and elegant and THE NOTESSSSSS oh god. Could write a whole post on it)

Anyone who thinks comments like that are flirting, need to be re-educated. With a baseball bat. They'll call it 'dark humour' when really they're just cunts, so they're doing you a real favour showing you that early.

Well done for not being flattered by the attentions of an older man, because...

If there's anything that women aged 30+ tend to notice, it's that when men their age hit on much younger women, it's usually because that man's character is lacking, he's emotionally immature, a predator who relies on younger women and girls being less self confident, and it is most often a RED FLAG.

These 30+ year old men are usually not with women their own age, because the women their own age recognise that they're arseholes or losers, most of the time, and we cringe when they then repeatedly shoot their shot with young women who they will flatter with that age old adage of 'you're so mature for your age!'

If they have deep-seated issues and they turn it into someone else's problem, without any sense of ownership or willingness to actually work on resolving or improving from their issues, RUN.

Never get with someone out of pity. Have some self-respect, and do not let them mistake your kindness for weakness.

Because people see me as understanding, I am a therapist. To everyone. All the time. Strangers, within hours of meeting me, will often pour out their emotional vulnerabilities and traumas; while I'm tough and able to compute it all, and to help them, and read through a solution, it is sometimes a heavy burden.

But for YOU, remember there is a difference between you therapising someone, and someone using you to trauma-dump. Learn to recognise the two, and protect yourself from being used, especially if these are the very same men who have recently been trying to get into your pants.

My favourite tea is Yorkshire Tea by Taylors of Harrogate, with a splash of milk and a spoonful of brown sugar or honey.

Don't let these pieces of shit use you, kiddo.

They're not "daddies"; they haven't earned such an esteemed title. Nothing daddy about these tramps.

All my love, and I have a knife in my pocket,

-- Haitch xxx

[strniohoeee]

Revenant pt.2

Pairings: Matt Sturniolo X female reader, friends to lovers, feelings are admitted some more

Synopsis: Y/N has been suffering from her accident 7 months ago, but she’s not normal, and Matt notices. When they find out what happens will they help her be healed again???

Warnings⚠️: supernatural, ghosts, mentions of death, actual death, mentions of suicide. A single kiss….and that should be all it’s a spooky imagine😋

“I think we’ll have to try and get y/n back” Matt said looking at everyone

“Matt have you lost your fucking mind we are NOT about to idk “kill” y/n and hope her real soul comes back, do you know how fucking crazy that sounds!” Nick screeches at Matt

“I have to agree with Nick we have way too much on the line to attempt this, if y/n soul doesn’t come back we’re stuck with some random spirit who doesn’t know us” Chris said shaking his head and letting out a deep sigh

“Do you realize how insane this looks WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO GET A SPIRIT BACK TO THE RIGHT BODY?!?! WE’RE NOT FUCKING GHOST BUSTERS HOW IS THIS SHIT FUCKING REAL” Nick yelled at Matt with wide eyes and a shocked face

“Might I also add there’s no way this is real? Like no fucking way we sound fucking crazy” Chris said laughing a little

Y/N was completely silent watching the boys banter back and forth. She was contemplating if she wanted to do this or not; because this was in fact INSANE. They had to kill her physical body in order for her soul to come back. Was this a fucking movie?? She wasn’t too sure if she wanted to believe this. One part of her wanted to be back and enjoy her life like she was supposed to, but another part of her felt bad for the other spirit that most likely had no real body to go back to. She would be forgotten forever and feel lost and cold like Y/N had felt for those 7 months trying to figure out who *scratch that* WHAT she was. Y/N felt horrible just thinking about this poor soul having to truly die.

“Guys I’m not so sure how I feel about this” Y/N finally opened up while looking that the three boys

“What do you mean? Don’t you want to come back, and not be a ghost in our lives?” Chris said almost dumbfounded

“Of course I want to come back to you guys. I love and miss you, and these past 7 months have been dark and cold and lonely, but this other soul in me will soon feel that, and I don’t want her to feel how I felt. It’s a scary dark feeling” she says as she wipes tears from her eyes

“Y/N we can’t live without you, what are you going to do just take over this random spirit everyday, and leave her confused when she comes back to your body?” Matt asks, almost annoyed that Y/N would even think of not trying this.

“You know maybe I’m meant to die. Maybe I’m meant to just be a memory of yours, a ghost that follows you around. Maybe that’s what my fate has been all along” Y/N says to them, immediately their faces drop

“Have you lost your fucking mind? You are not meant to die! You are meant to be here with us can’t you see this? You’re meant to be here with me? You’re my Y/N” Matt said getting emotional

“You know y/n Matt’s right! If you weren’t meant to be alive your soul wouldn’t be here for as long as it did, after a while you’re supposed to come to terms and move on into the actual after life and not be a ghost searching” Padi said looking over at the boys

“But I’m scared. What if this doesn’t work out I’ll be gone forever then” y/n said avoiding eye contact out of heartbreak

“I’m very confident this will work. If I wasn’t sure I would’ve never brought it up” Padi responds walking over to Y/N and giving her a comforting hug

“Lets do it” Y/N says after Padi released her from the hug

“YES OMG YES” Chris jumps up dancing around like a child, and to this everyone laughed at his excitement

“Well how do we do this? How do we kill me without causing me pain” Y/N said cringing a little bit at this absurd situation

“I mean you could drown, or take too much medicine, suffocate” Padi said all nonchalant

“Jesus, Padi that’s intense” Nick said very shocked

“So either get killed or kill myself” Y/N said very perplexed, and to this Padi nodded with an apologetic look on her face

“But you’ll have to do while still in the body, and as your life is fading away you have to leave the body, and wait till the physical body is dead before you take over the body, this allows time for the old soul to leave, and that’s when you have to get in the body. But you have to time it right or both souls will be dead and you’ll be left with a physical dead body which will not be good for you guys” Padi said looking over at the boys. Their expressions changed, and they started to look worried and stressed

“GUYS! This will work. I will get back to my body!” Y/N said giving them a reassuring smile

“Although you could technically kill yourself I recommend that you be killed so one of them has complete control over the situation” Padi said and everyone nodded to this

“Alright, who wants to kill me?” Y/N asks getting up from her chair all excited

“The fact that you’re excited is very concerning to me. We don’t want to do this” Chris said rubbing his eyes

“Don’t be a pussy Chris” Y/N said laughing at him, Chris lifts his head up and points at Y/N “this bullying I don’t miss” he said laughing a little bit

“Are we doing this now?” Matt asks looking over at Y/N. She nods and gives him a weak smile

They all head upstairs to Matt’s room. Y/N lays down on the bed and gives them a reassuring smile

“This will work guys I promise you I’m coming back! I can not leave you guys” she said as puts her head down on the bed

“Okay so as the body is dying you need to leave the body, and wait for the body to die. As a spirit you will know when the body is dead, and then you need to enter the body, and CPR will have to be done and if you entered correctly you Y/N should be back in your correct body.” Padi said like it was the easiest thing ever

“Easier said than done” Nick says shaking his head and pacing around the room

“Calm down Nick! Alright, who's killing me?” Y/N said almost laughing at her words

To this question all the boys just froze now wanting to be responsible for the possible death of their best friend.

“Matt you should do it” Chris blurts out pushing Matt forward and backing away

“ME?!?! Are you fucking crazy kid?” Matt turns around looking at Chris

“Holy shit someone just kill me already I want to be back in my body” Y/N groans getting annoyed that we didn’t want to kill her

Matt nods his head and walks over to the bed. He grabs a pillow and looks down at Y/N with tears welling in his eyes

“I’m so fucking sorry if this doesn’t work out. I love you so much” Matt says, and with this Y/N nods her head and whispers" I love you back "before nodding at him to go on.

Matt lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and places the pillow over Y/N's face pushing down with as much weight as he could. It took a few seconds for her to start thrashing around. “FUCK IM SORRY IM SORRY” Matt yells while crying and continuing to put pressure on her thrashing body. Behind him stood a sad Padi, and Chris and Nick clinging onto each other crying a little bit as well. After 4 minutes of this agonizing torture to Matt. Y/N’s body stopped moving and she went completely limp. Matt removes the pillow and frantically looks at Padi

“WHAT DO I DO NOW” he says wide eyed, Padi runs over and checks Y/N’s pulse, realizing she doesn’t have one she has the boys help her get Y/N onto the floor so she can perform CPR

Padi immediately starts giving Y/N CPR and mouth to mouth. The boys are starting to worry that this crazy plan was actually a very stupid and reckless plan, and that y/n fate might be over.

Padi is pumping down on Y/N’s chest like she was a lifeless ragdoll, and to Matt that’s exactly what she looked like. Matt was starting to have a panic attack as he started to realize the love of his life may never come back.

Flash Back

Matt never really believed in love, and of course he loved his friends and family, and as him and his brothers grew famous on social media he began to love his fans. But real love? The love you see in movies, and read in books? Yeah that love had Matt laughing, and calling anyone who believed in love and soulmates an absolute fool.

He can't really remember when he started loving you, because he never believed in love. Oftentimes he was annoyed with how much of a hopeless romantic you were. Always looking for love, and to give love, but he found it pointless, and childish. He always tried to tell you to stop looking because it wasn't real, and no matter how many heartbreaks, nights of you being stood up or flat out rejected you never stopped loving. Although he was getting tired of having to pick up the broken pieces, and always being his shoulder to cry on, he would never say I told you so, and you always knew thats what he wanted to say. He admired the fact that even after all the heartbreak you still got up, and found the good in people, and would continue many more of these painful experiences.

He wasn't sure if he fell in love with you because you showed him how easy it is to love and be loved, or because you were always there wanting to be a part of his life, or maybe it was when he would be holding you after another asshole treated you terribly. And he would always tell himself “I would never hurt her shes all I ever wanted.” But he always told himself no because Matt Sturniolo doesn’t fall in love.

Flashback over

But why is it now as he watches your body slip away, hes feeling the weight of 1,000 pounds on his chest constricting his airway. Why is it that right now he wants to shake you awake and tell you how much he has always loved you, but was too scared to accept that he himself, in all his flaws and imperfections, can too feel true love.

Matt slowly calms himself down as Padi is still performing CPR. It’s been two minutes, but in Matt's mind it felt like all of eternity.

Suddenly he hears Y/N jump up and take a sharp inhale as she comes to her senses,

“Y/N?” Matt says looking over at her

“It’s me Matt, it's me” she says giving me a smile

Matt runs over to her on the floor and scoops her up

“You showed me love! You showed me that no matter how imperfect I am I can still be loved. I'm such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I have loved you since the day you drunkenly told me that any woman was lucky to have me, and that in another lifetime I was yours to keep.” Matt said looking into Y/N’s eyes. She blushed at this statement and looked down.

“Matt I have loved you since the day I saw your eyes shimmer a different hue when I broke things off with that one guy. That day I truly felt like we would be each other's everything one day, or nothing at all. I held onto that hope, and as each day went on I slowly started to believe this was all made up, and you were not mine to have.” Y/N said looking at Matt reading his face to see how he felt

“Y/N I love you, and I need you in my life forever and always whether it's in this lifetime or another. You will always be mine, and I feel horrible for only truly realizing this as you lay dying, and fighting to come back to your real body.” Matt said, grabbing Y/N’s face and looking her in the eyes.

“Matt you’re my everything, and I need you here with me for the rest of my life” she responded looking down at Matt’s lips

They both looked into each others eyes, and down to each other's lips, both leaning in, and sharing a kiss that could stop time, and cure every problem within themselves.

After pulling away they were interrupted by Chris

“That was the cutest shit I have ever seen now stop before you make me sick” he said as he wiped a tear from his eye and went over to hug Matt and Y/N, Nick walks over as well to join the group hug. “Yall are so fucking cute” he said also wiping his tears.

“ I suppose I’m no longer needed” Padi said with the biggest smile on her face, they broke the group hug and smiled at her thanking her.

“Padi I don’t know what I would have done without you, you literally saved me in all aspects” Y/N said giving her a hug

“Its what I do, but you need to take care of yourself, and make sure you allow yourself to properly heal. You just transferred from a soul back to a human” Padi said laughing a little bit.

“This is fucking insane, I still can’t believe this is real” Chris said acting mind blown

“This is probably the craziest unbelievable shit to have ever happened, and this stays between all of us” Nick said rubbing his eyes. We all agreed and let Padi pack up so she can head out.

Before she left she turned around to us

“The girl says thank you for setting her soul free. She’s able to go watch over her family before she completely moves on” Padi said, we all smiled at this, and allowed Padi to leave.

“Guys im so fucking happy to be back I missed you all, and I really missed Matt” Y/N said giving Matt a kiss on the cheek.

“Were so fucking happy to have you back! What do you say? movie night in my room??” Nick asked, all excited, and we agreed. Nick and Chris ran up the stairs then Matt, and the me, but before I could make it to the second step I felt a shiver down my spine and my neck hairs stand up.

This caused me to straighten up, and let go of Matt’s hand, this caused him to turn and look at me.

“Hey you okay?” He asked raising an eyebrow

“Yeah I'm good! Thought I felt something, but I think its just after shock of everything.” She responded back to the worried boy. He nodded his head, and they all went back to running up to Nick’s room.

The end.

Or was it……

Thank you sooo much for reading part 2. I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 3 I don’t want this story to drag on, so it depends maybe I will, or maybe you’ll end it how you want in your mind.

-J💅🏽

[catboybiologist]

Did ur gender identity like influence ur choice of major? Like for me i was like imma go into bio to fuck around and find out. I mean like i found it like super cool and all ofc but like i wanted to find out more about like how the human body works. Like if i could play god with my body???

I would say its actually the inverse, in a way. I pretty much always knew I was going to do something bio related, I was poking around in bushes and the mud looking for critters as a toddler, it was only a question of what subfield I would settle in. Once I actually started seriously doing research and getting my bachelor's, though, molecular mechanisms took their grip on me.

While I don't think that "made me trans", I do think studying molecular mechanisms in general freed my thinking about gender identity enough to stop self punishing and actually make the move to transition. It fortified in my mind that being transgender was a "real" state of being, and made me feel confident enough to realize that everyone talking about "basic biology" is full of a truly unreal amount of shit, on a more profound level than most realize. If I didn't study biology, there's a decent chance I would've just resigned myself to living as a man forever, with dysphoria slowly grinding me down in the background until... well, y'know.

I really, really want to talk about how biology influenced my own view of my gender, both from a genetic/molecular level to a more "philosophy of science" level. I've been planning to formalize these thoughts in some kind of podcast that I have mostly scripted out for literally like a year now, and there was a decent chance I would have actually finished it if January wasn't the worst month of my life since I finished my MS. Idk why I'm trying to make excuses for you, you probs don't care, I guess I'm making excuses for myself bc that's been a passion project on the backburner for a while now and it should generate like an hour of video and/or audio total, divided into several parts, based on how the script is going.

[mint-ty]

Okay, so. Palm reading. From the poor laggy tiktok live (thank you so much @follivora for recording ❤️) which is still much more than I ever expected! Disclaimer that I learned it from my cousin's grandpa who lived in a forest and was more often drunk than sober lol, so there's no science behind it. I do this as a party trick often and it seems to be more accurate than not so who knows 🤷‍♀️ maybe drinking selfmade alcohol in the woods does give some magic powers.

I got Bojan's and Nace's hands below the cut. Sadly Jure's hand was right one (I can read only from the left, supposedly it's closer to the heart so more accurate, idk). And I couldn't catch Jan's :<

More below the cut:

Bojan:

He really has the softest babyhands because it was hard to see SHIT no matter how close to camera😬. What I did manage to see is:

Occupation line: Has many hobbies he feels strongly about and they all bring more or less good money.

Money line: (more like resources line) is nice and visible and will stay like that (so he can start subscribing to OF with no worries).

SOULMATE LINE: There is a soulmate visible who will be a very fulfilling relationship. Can't say if already met or not, but the actual settled down life starts quite later (made some +10years from now or so?). Oh! and the soulmate is met through the hobby that's bringing him the most money :) so.. :)))

Lifespan line: I think I saw something around 80+ years of life..? but really hard to say. Also when looking closely this line tells a lot about accidents and illnesses. I think.. I might have seen some accidents which are usually on a similar level like breaking a bone.. but then Bojan's health is not a secret to us (poor victorian boy).

Nace:

Jan was really fondling that hand :D so it's well visible (would love to see in person 🥲)

Nace has very clear lines which normally are for people who are confident about their decisions.

Occupation line: he has one set line which matches both hobby and job. So no surprise his hobby is his job. There are some breaks but it stays on the path (for example on Bojan's palm there are a lot more "side quests")

Money line: Actually seems to be doing a bit better than Bojan's :D Especially in the later life. Maybe Nace is taking tips from Jere and investing to real estate. Who knows.

SOULMATE line: y'all gonna love this one :D it starts very VERY early and it's the most visible one. I don't know what to tell, only that he already met the soulmate, they're already happily together, met through shared hobby/job line and it's going to stay like that to the end.

Life line: a bit hard to see but it seems appropriate long one (with a lot of slow illnesses for the last 15+ years which are usually associated with old age). Can't really spot any serious accidents, but he does seem a bit clumsy..

I can make a line graph if anyone is interested? Or if you want your own palm reading always feel free to dm :D (has to be left hand). But again, I've no idea how legit it is and for sure it's not science :D

[paperglader]

Some imodna thoughts about the reunion:

This might be coming off from the high of watching them get back together and all, but I really don’t think they’re going to retract into themselves or regress in any big ways when it comes to their relationship (or at least, these are just the vibes that I’m getting at the moment)

I just have the feeling that because Imogen has just gotten really good influences in the form of FRIDA and Deanna, which helped her improve her confidence and in a way also sort of shined a light on how companionship can look like through romantic lenses (basically, I just think that watching everyone else couple up turned her yearning up to like 100, and I’m hoping that she’ll maybe become inspired by them, mayhaps). We know that meeting laudna and the rest of the hells, now FRIDA and Deanna too, has worked wonders on Imogen’s confidence… So, who knows? But I don’t think that she’s regressing in that sense.

Laudna, well, I think that because of what she’s been through recently she has been left feeling very scared and very small. Control is one huge thing for her, as a recurring theme throughout her life, but specially now that she’s been just separated from her friends and betrayed all in the same week. All this to say that I don’t think she’s going to want to be too far from Imogen at the moment (she believed she might’ve been dead for a whole week, which would’ve been just one more thing out of her control- now she has her close). I think she probably still is very worried about what might have happened to her whilst she was gone (she knows that Imogen had a dream when she wasn’t present) I bet that she’s really looking forward to a one on one with her to just check in and make sure that she truly is alright.

Imogen and laudna ground each other, and I just don’t think that laudna went through all that to get back to Imogen for now that she’s got her to not lean in on her fully, specially because of how beaten up she got. It’s just not the vibe I’m getting from where they’re at at their relationship… the whole reunion they just gave me the vibes that they wanted to catch up with each other privately as soon as they could and talk things through, fuss about each other (they kept whispering things to each other and motioning things to each other that they probably will want to expand on when they have more chance)

And Imogen has just missed that woman like crazy, her crush has been exposed a little bit, and honestly everything’s going to shit real quick, so I just don’t think she’s not going to lean on laudna as much as she can. When it comes to her addressing her feelings… idk Laura might be cooking something, who knows? The pot has been stirred yet again by each of the guest stars 😂 I truly think that Imogen might just blurt it out at any given moment, she’s chaotic like that.

LAUDNA’S REACTION TO THOSE FEELINGS? NOW THAT’S THE REAL QUESTION HERE (girlie has no clue, poor thing)

In summary: I think this whole arc has been another step forward when it comes to the development of their relationship!!

[hcfiles]

Let's see if you have the guts to answer me. Why? I just wanna know "why" are you doing all this? What motivates you to open 3 accounts to shit talk a celebrity you never met? Did he do something to you on a personal level? If not why do you care about his personal Life so much? You call him all kind of ugly things from weak/insecure/immature to idiot/emotionally damaged while stalking/harassing him and his gf for what? 3 years? You call them bullies but the only bully I see is you. You are insecure about your "opinion/assumptions"...that's why you open a new account every time your last got reported, you obviously need validation from other people. You need them to agree with your crazy little rants. So who is the insecure one? Your entire page screams "I have too much time on my hands....Im going to create a hate page for a celebrity because I lack self confidence and a social life myself"! And btw Im not saying you cant have your opinion on him, hes a public figure but some people go way too far and you are one of them. We live in turbulent times, why arent you putting your focus on more important things? If you hate Henry now, cool let him go and move on. There are way bigger issues in the world than Henry's dating life...let the man do whatever he wants, its really not your business. And when people want to support him, let them. We dont care about bs rumors with zero proof, what we care about is his work.

Henry himself admitted he has issues showing his feelings btw, he is a introverted Person! He doesnt hide it. And yes I believe he has anxiety just like many many other people and you shaming and belittling him for it is disgusting. Idk why you do this but maybe start looking at your own behavior before you point fingers at Henry and Natalie. I would suggest you to find happiness for yourself, get a hobby, go outside...let things go that no longer make you happy. There are so many celebrities, go find a new one to obsess over. But you know Hollywood is a toxic business dont you? With the Diddy files coming out and many celebrities getting exposed...there wont be many celebrities left to stan. Henry is a saint compared to them. But why arent you exposing them? the real criminals, s3x trafficking, child abusing satanists/p3dos...doesnt matter to you I guess. Get your priorities straight Girl because even if you are right in some ways what does it matter? Henry is the one who has to live with it not you, not me or anyone...him. There are many PR relationships in Hollywood, nobody in the Business cares if his relationship is real or fake because Hollywood is fake as a whole, its run by p3dos and criminals. The fact that Hollywood doesnt like Henry much should tell you everything you need to know.. he's not one of them. He didnt sell his soul, didnt lose his values ( according to someone who knows him) He stays out of there as much as he can. Im not saying hes perfect but people who actually know him, people who work or have worked with him only have good things to say about him. He has done so many good deeds.. He donated 1 million to earthquake victims, secretly paid for an actor and his friends meal, he saved a co-stars life from drowning, he sends wrap gifts to everyone on every single project he works on and much more and he never brags about these things. You obviously dont see other celebrities do you? because many of them brag about everything they do on social media. And last but not least, you dont work in a toxic business like Hollywood, you dont know what its like and what he's been through. I have seen the Witcher smear campaign thrown at him but nothing with substance or actual proof, the sources are always anonym. The cast and crew came out praising Henry debunking most of it. There are higher up people who would love to see Henry getting cancelled in order to save their own a#$es. They have been trying but obviously cant find anything on him so why do you think you can? When even Hollywood insiders cant? Have you ever seen someone directly accuse him of something? Mistreatment? Abuse? Ever? And im talking about a legit source not the anonym bs....! Gina recently spoke about him and she only confirmed what we know since years.. that he is a real Gentleman, a beautiful, passionate, kind Man. Go ask anyone he worked with, ask them what hes actually like and they will tell you he's a great Guy!

Wow! I see I touched a nerve. Apparently, I'm in the right direction to have you write a manifest. Well, to answer some of your questions, so it's OK to do what I do, as long as it is with another celeb? And, Henry is untouchable? Hum. Interesting. You suggest us to find something else to entertain us. Well, this shenanigan entertains me. This is how I chose to spend my free time, entertaining with the circus Henry is performing. But, you seem hurt to have people disagreeing with you. Different opinions threaten your beliefs. So much, you wrote a manifest. Who is the insecure? If all I write is bullshit on a personal blog, that won't make any difference in Henry's life, minion.

[toxycodone]

i understand its all joaks and its lighthearted out of love for this character but it is a little sad to see things like laios being a minimum wage worker and having no friends being described as him being a loser when theyre extremely common autistic experiences 💔 because to be honest i think youre really cool and a great writer and i would like to interact more but it makes me go, is that what you would think of me? my life situation’s not too different from that. anyways i hope you have a nice day <3

no not at all I genuinely like being mean to Laios so take everything I say about him with the world's biggest effing grain of salt because I am just. mean to him in particular lol. i like to kick him when he's down. (evil and mean but to blonde men in particular)

but like. i am not cool at all. like...........ill put it under the cut but yeah.

real shit under the cut bc this ask is making me think! im gonna be real w u nonnie

tl:dr if u dont wanna see whats under the cut:

this ask kinda makes me think bc. i think im really mean to laios too bc he reminds me of myself beforehand (zero self confidence and suicidal idealization) sigh and I really hate being reminded of that. so. again. im really biased when it comes to him specifically and that doesn't apply to you or any of my followers.

and for what its worth i am sorry for making you feel that way.

but also. i gotta say I can 100% relate to him and you. this time last year I was working at Starbucks ( i could only tolerate 4 hour shifts bc i would get overstimulated and my coworkers lowkey hated me.) and had like. 1 friend from high school and the years before that I spent turbo online being constantly pushed out of friend groups bc i could NEVER get anything right socially. I swear the first 23 years of my life I never lived. i went thru hs and college as a fucking. like. creature I felt like i couldnt connect w anyone because I was too tormented by adhd + autism and i was INSANELY depressed and coping w lack of control by having an eating disorder and being doped the fuck up on stimulants. (MY PCP gave me 56 mg of concerta and 5mg booster of adderall i was fucking tweaking on the daily </3)

but like. i started going to therapy and a psychiatrist who made me quit cold turkey for my own good and we started treating my depression and debilitating anxiety (i was convinced a stranger was living in my house in secret but also that everyone in public who saw me was revolted by me and genuinely wanted me to kill myself jkdhsfskdjh i told you i was tweaking)

anyways. i was a druggie with no goal in life and living in my own head and now like. i can look at myself in the mirror and not think "hey. this fat ugly piece of shit should genuinely die" and now people in real life LIKE me. I have friends. multiple friend groups, actually. WITH NOT JUST ND PEOPLE. LIKE, A LOT OF THEM ARE NEUROTYPICAL. And i am very open about being autistic with them and i dont have to mask.

and they still like me! and invite me places! and genuinely want to hang out with me! and they think im smart and get uncomfortable when I say im stupid or too autistic to like. be able to be in public.

it still feels like a dream and in my mind im like "they actually are gonna drop you and make fun of you for thinking they were ever your friends" or like "theyre just doing this bc of the stupid buddy system shit or they think you're a pet this is highschool all over again"

but even tho im haunted by this. its....I can say with confidence its not true.

anyways. i know people say this shit all the time but I will say you are very capable of love and not a loser or anything like that. the thing you're missing out on is the right people. i didnt believe this for most of my life and tried to get myself killed because of it but im glad I didn't because it is genuinely true.

i have spent the last <1 year of my life genuinely being alive. and i wouldn't trade it for anything. idk if thats a sign for anyone yeah. take it

[silviakundera]

Joy of Life S1 Ep 42 liveblogging

watching for the 1st time, so don't tell me secrets ;)

Fan Xian seems really sure he's the emperor's son. Hmmmm Do I feel confident the emperor likes him, as much as a selfish schemer of his kind can like anyone? Sure. Do I feel confident at this point that the emperor thinks FX is his illegitimate kid? IDK because this could be another cover and he was actually helping her hide something. I'm just not at the place yet where I am taking that as an irrefutable fact.

The look on FX's face when Xiao En says as long as he knows he's a Xiao. Good acting! You can see the compassion FX has for him. He's not only ruthless and vicious.

"Don't bury me. I don't want to be underground anymore." 😢😔

"I am sorry I am not your grandson. Sit tight. You won't be bothered anymore." All of his dialogue in this scene is simple but full of sincere feeling. FX is not as wholly dark as he thinks he is. What a fantastic, complex character. I really like him.

That secret was indeed underwhelming for me but Xiao En had a fantastic arc.

Chen Pingping always has like 5 reasons for anything he does. Love that about him.

LMAO Chen Pingping even set up things so evil Princess' plot ended up giving FX a chivalrous bestie. (He reminds me a lot of Korn, the mafia kingpin from Kinnporsche. Can't predict everything but makes great bets based on all the variables he can control and his understanding of people's hearts. Willing to risk it all for the reward.)

Hi Gao Baokun! Ohhhhhhhh now FX is on the trail of Chen Pingping's 5th Reason. Teng Zijing was set up to be in that village! Hand selected to be positioned into FX's life. Just a pawn.

Gao Baokun is just a random loser who got dragged into the mud (but wait--we already knew he didn't try to kill Teng Xijing's fam in the end, and that part was the Bureau? Or at least I thought we knew that.)

It's touching that after all FX still trusts Teng Zijing. His one true friend! ❤

ahhhhhhhh Fan Xian is super pissed at his uncles. Guys you may have miscalculated this. Like my beloved Korn from Kinnporsche, Chen Pingping & Emperor want it all and are betting big that they can have their power AND their chosen people. Or at least the Emperor really wants both. Korn won the day in that drama (tho fandom keeps punishing him in fanfic). We'll see if FX can eventually forgive.

His Majesty is actually calling it out that they say to each other & perhaps even to themselves that they see Fan Xian as their baby boy and yet.... I like the emperor for his self awareness and inner conflict about his hypocrisy

Does Fan Jian truly think of FX wholeheartedly as his foster son? Are Chen Pingping and His Majesty actually having real trust issues..? Remains to be seen.

We're back with Yan Bingyuan and FX admitting this was a test for him.

Who's Xiao En's real grandson? Yan Bingyuan? ....... LMAO that took the drama like 3 min to answer. Yep it's probably him.

nah don't tell Bingyuan any disabling shit before you are out of the country 🙈 this man is already like an anxious chihuahua

I believe the emperor sees what I do: that a fealty to Qing & determination to make it the most powerful does not necessarily = fealty to the current emperor. Saying Chen Pingping is dedicated to the best for the country does NOT read like perfect loyalty to His Majesty. It's not that he's against the emperor or FX and doesn't gaf, it's just that his obsession for the bigger goal is what it is. A common fear that cdrama royalty has to grapple with. They both hunger for personal loyalty & can't trust it.

oh is it Shen sister? She's way more fun than her erstwhile boyfriend, let her in!

lol that's right Bingyuan, give us nothing

FX just watching the drama because Bingyuan is too obvious

So..... Now Fan Xian wants to be the Investigations Bureau head and a top official.... to find out how mom really died and get revenge? 🤔

[gay-jesus-probably]

You're so right about the racist and imperialist bullshit, and something tragic to me is that this does not feel in the slightest like Zelda. In BOTW at LEAST, she's shown to actually be very smart, and while it's understandable (although not excusable) that she would have this worldview due to being raised thinking Hyrule is always right, it just really feels like she should be examining this more closely and seeing problems with it. But Nintendo won't do that, in no small part because they're cowards.

I would talk in detail about how mad I am at how they portray Ganondorf and the Gerudo, but I will spare you the 50 page essay

NO COME BACK I WANT THE ESSAY

Okay but in all seriousness though, idk, I do sort of feel like this is still fairly in character for this Zelda. I found BOTW (and Age of Calamity) characterized her as someone who is very... I don't know, traditional? To an aggressive degree, even when that adherence to tradition is actively hurting her. I mean, the closest she ever comes to actually trying to defy her fate is when she gets mad at a rock that one time. Which comes at the end of her having spent about 60% of her entire life standing in ponds and praying at said rocks in the hope that maybe this time it'll work out, because that's what she's supposed to be doing. It's canonically mentioned somewhere she almost killed herself accidentally as a kid, because she refused to get out of the damn prayer pond until she collapsed from hypothermia. Like yeah, it's fucked up that she was expected to do that... but she never thought there was anything wrong with her having to do that. She just figured she was the problem for not getting the magic at the right time.

And the narrative backs her up on this, because once she has her divine powers, BAM, all her problems are solved. She's a calm, confident leader who knows exactly what to do in every possible situation, no matter what. BOTW Zelda is an extremely passive character tbh; she seems very determined to be exactly the person she is expected to be, and she's not remotely interested in actually examining if those expectations are correct.

(though in regards to her being smart they did kinda do her dirty in TOTK; why the hell did Mineru need to fix the knockoff sheikah slate for her. zelda canonically is interested in sheikah tech. why tf does an ancient person that's never even seen a sheikah slate before need to repair it for her, NINTENDO EXPLAIN)

Anyways, and in regards to her morals... I gotta say, while she was at the point of being able to do the hard work to self examine and walk it back, BOTW Zelda definitely read as a possible baby nationalist to me. I mean, let's be real here, she is incredibly priviledged; she's the future ruler of the damn kingdom by Divine Right, and has spent her entire life being told that. And at the same time, she has really low self esteem... and no inclination to try and change the situation that's ruining her self worth. Which is how you get that one memory of Zelda using her privilege to abuse her indentured servant (indentured, because let's be real here, Link does not have the option to just quit his miserable job), knowingly tries to get him in trouble (if she runs off alone and gets hurt, it's Link's fault for losing her in the first place), and is disturbingly cool with dehumanizing him for being stuck doing his job ("It seems I'm the only one with a mind of my own around here"). And she uses her station to publicly humiliate him at one point, because that ceremony at the sacred ground was fucking painful to watch, and let's be honest here... there's no way in hell it was only the four champions attending this apparently really important ceremony; there was totally a crowd that was cut to avoid having to model all that shit.

Not that she was actively trying to humiliate him, but like... she's the one with all the power in this relationship. Link is a knight of the kingdom, and she's the soon to be Queen. Link is going through all those memories well aware that Zelda can and possibly will destroy his entire life the second she gets the chance. My point is, Zelda is extremely privileged, and it's her responsibility to understand that and be careful not to abuse her power. But the game never even suggests that she notices or cares about it. I mean fuck, even after she stops actively abusing Link, I still don't think she treats him very well. I mean for fucks sake, that one memory with the frog is really upsetting to me - she's certain her and Link and friends and everything is fine, but the power dynamics have not changed. She's still got him at a massive disadvantage, but she doesn't even hesitate to demand that he eat a live frog on the spot so she can see what happens. I liked to think that she was actually trying to make amends with Link for her mistreatment of him, but the game never really shows proof of her trying beyond the most shallow gestures possible (really? you gave him some food, and that makes up for abusing your indentured servant? that's the whole process?).

And all things considered, in TOTK, I... do not see any evidence of her having gotten better. She's just gotten worse, and I can see that as being a trauma reaction; she's basically lost everything, and now she needs to rule a kingdom after a century holding back an apocalypse. I understand why she wouldn't be in a place for self growth after that. But the unfortunate fact of life is that trauma and terrible situations can bring out the absolute worst in people - not to bring real politics into this, but after WW1 Germany was absolutely ruined, as the winners of the war imposed some completely impossible demands on them. People were starving and desperate, and that drove the country into fascism. So that's how we get TOTK Zelda - someone who is absolutely certain that divine forces make her the single most important person in the room at any given moment, Hyrule is a perfect and superior kingdom that can do no wrong, and anyone who disagrees is pure evil and must be destroyed. As for her treatment of Link... I honestly don't see it improving much. She still treats him as more of an object than a person, at least as far as I've seen - the last she saw of him, he'd suffered a horrible and traumatic injury, and yet she just takes it as a fact that he will be perfectly able and willing to take up her fight in the future; what else could he possibly be doing if not serving Zelda? That's his only purpose in life, of course he'll still be willing to do exactly as she orders.

Also jesus christ, the cult of personality built up around Zelda in game... there's so many red flags there. Despite all the genuinely monstorous shit that the fake Zelda pulls, nobody even considers being mad at her for it, even when they're still certain she's the real deal. She's the Divine Princess, of course she can torture and brainwash her subjects without consequences if she wants to, and her victims will still love her for it because they're certain they deserved it. No matter how dark things get, nobody even gets annoyed with 'Zelda' for hurting them. They're just scared that they've done something wrong to upset her, and worried they might not be able to serve her well enough.

(Can you tell the whole thing with Yunobo and the Fire Temple pissed me off, because that was infuriating)

It's good if a ruler is loved and respected by their people of course, but the level of blind devotion she's encouraged is... worrying. Of course, that's only there because the writers love Zelda and can't have let anyone question their precious favourite character, but I'm looking at this from a Watsonian perspective, and that perspective makes for a very disturbing picture. A good leader wants their people to feel safe contradicting them and asking questions. But instead we have people putting so much blind faith in her, they're completely willing to strip naked and walk into monster dens without weapons, because they think that was her orders, and they would never question Princess Zelda. And in universe, a group of researchers being ready to commit suicide on her orders is framed as being a touching sign of their devotion to her. If she was actually a good leader, then she would be horrified that her research team almost killed themselves over misheard orders; but Penn happily comments about how great it is that people would slit their own throats for her amusement, and Link never tries to correct him, suggesting that yeah, she actually does want her people to be willing to kill themselves at her command. Or at least Link finds that completely believable and in character for her.

And at the very least, things like that show that she's not interested in building an environment of equal communication and responsibility. Zelda is rebuilding a Hyrule where the royal family is the ultimate authority, and people should be willing to die before they even consider questioning her orders. So of course Ganondorf is pure evil and must be destroyed - he had to be asked repeatedly before he would kneel before the Hylian throne. Doesn't he know he's an outsider, and therefor inferior to the Divine Royalty? He refuses to accept that his race is inherently lesser to the Hylians, so he must be evil.

I mean, that in of itself is a pretty interesting story; the Hyrule established in TOTK is dark, and the entire culture is genuinely horrifying. This setting is extremely bleak, and I'd be interested if we could actually explore the implications of Link being expected to uphold this dystopian nightmare, and slowly turning against Zelda as he realizes how she truly sees the world.

But that's a nuanced and interesting story, so that's never going to happen; instead we just get this absolute shitshow of a plot, and like 75% of the fandom firmly ignores the racism and imperialism, because what kind of madman would actually want to be immersed in the story and worldbuilding of a role-playing game.

[alun1r]

Rare Alu Rant About Fandoms bc I never say shit:

Sue me, but getting into a fandom just for the intention of becoming popular is so weird to me.

Like sure you want a lot of people to see what you make. Because making something for the fandom should be seen! That’s dope as hell.

But you’re gonna lose inspiration real fast when you find out content creation takes a lotta work but more often than not comes with little reward.

I hold firmly the belief that Fandom is for making content for the pure reason of just because you can.

✨the joy of free will to bring your delusions to life so others can indulge in their delusions as well✨ Kinda vibes? Yanno?

I never started making HL content with the idea in mind that I’d reach 9k followers on tiktok. And I ain’t gonna lie it’s daunting for me. Specially as someone whose always just made shit for whatever reason without even posting it. But The videos that got me views and followers on tiktok, were made because I was high and wanted to laugh. And I’d figured “what the hell, this made me laugh….Maybe it will make someone else laugh.” And I’m glad it did.

And now I float around just making stuff. I still make whatever I want tbh. I do my best to give credit where credit is due in what I make. And yeah I’ve done some fan service videos and writing here and there because hey it’s fun for me.

I see so many posts or peoples bios saying that they’re working towards being popular in fandom and then their posts are what other people said or made on Twitter or tiktok or Vice versa and there’s often times there’s no real credit to original creators.

Don’t get me wrong, if it’s properly credited, AWESOME. Usually it’s not though, and that’s just wild to me. Because how are you expecting to get popular under your own name when you’re just reposting stuff.

That doesn’t make you a content creator.

A historical collector guess?? Because you’re like idk collecting all the stuff people made and what not onto a new page.

Idk dude. I just miss authenticity I guess. People making stuff and just being excited to show it.

Don’t get me wrong though it’s not all terrible on here and everywhere on the internet for fandoms. I’ve made close friends with other creators who feel and see fandom much the same. Just here to vibe and escape.

I’m not saying I don’t think views and followers and likes and notes or what have you, matter. I know they do. I get a lil confidence boost when something I make pops off. I feel proud.

But man it’s the intention of “ Im trying to be a popular creator” that rubs me the wrong way. Make stuff because you like it. Not because other people will. Doing whatever to get you likes wont bring the same satisfaction. And in more cases than not I see it backfiring and causing drama because, like I said it’s usually shit that’s copied or reposted.

Who knows maybe I’m just old and don’t understand bc I also see fandom and the work I’ve contributed as something I wouldn’t like boast about in real life. Because the reaction wouldn’t be positive. Like just for enjoying Hogwarts legacy I get teased in my daily life from acquaintances. It’s not totally negative. Buts it’s enough for me to know that YEAH 9k followers on tiktok don’t mean anything in the real world LMAO because at the end of the day, offline, I am still just a nerd whose daydreaming in her bedroom to escape reality.

I’m 24 dude. And I work in news. Shit is exhausting. Read a headline and you’ll see what I mean. And I just wanted to rant about it because it’s been bugging me since I joined fandom again last year.

But due to, idk my follower count and whatnot I always felt like I can’t or rather I shouldn’t speak my mind so much for fear of SOMEONE coming for me for something. And man I hate that feeling bc this bitch has opinions and I dislike the idea of feeling like others have control over it. But tbh eh. I wanted to rant. Just speaking into the void of the internet.

If you decide to send anon hate for my opinionated rant be ready for a meme bc I don’t have the mental capacity to take anything other than my IRL life responsibilities seriously lmao.