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titlemewickedwonderland · 2 years ago

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Got Your Back (Mountain x NB!Reader)

Summary: After they spilled their guts to Mountain, their best friend about what was going on with their life and the trouble they've gotten thanks to the siblings of the clergy not accepting them; things gets bad to worse and Y/N has no other choice but to turn to Mountain for help.

Pairings: Platonic!Mountain x Non-binary reader

AN: I posted a poll a few days ago to see who wanted to see a part 2 oneshot of the offered works and 'I'll Take Care of You' won the vote! So here you guys go! Reader is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.

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They should have known the problems wouldn't disappear overnight. They should have known better; even if they had talked to Mountain it didn't mean the trouble would end there. And that's how they got right where they were. Humiliated and damn near in tears.

The eyes of the other clergy were staring at them. Burning holes into their head they could do nothing but stand there. Some were laughing, others stood shocked at the display. But did anyone come to help or stop this display of humiliation? No. Zero, nada, no one. Not a single siblings; even those who They were considered polite or friendly with. No one stepped up to save them the social embarrassment.

The last remnant of Their hair rested at their feet. Lying in frayed piles by their boots; hair that they had grown out longer than they usually kept it, just because in a previous encounter Mountain had said he'd liked their hair and here it lay ruined. That which did not get chopped off was in odd different lengths making them look wild and unkempt. It took everything in them not to cry even when the burn in their eyes and nose made it almost unbearable to hold in.

"Now you can look like the faggot that you are. Since you don't want to pick a side of whether you wanna be a man or a woman." the culprit laughed in their face.

"Why the long face? You wanted to be what was it? Non-binary right? I was just helping you with that." the young man grinned devilishly despite the sickening sweetness of mockery tainting his words.

Y/n said nothing. Could do nothing. But the worst of their humiliation wasn't over it. Before they knew it something cold and thick got poured over their heads causing them to gasp in shock as the coldness ran down from the top of their head; ruining whatever mess was of their hair and down their face; dripping onto their uniform and down to the floor to mix with the chopped off hair.

A smoothie. A goddamned smoothie just got dumped over their heads. Right there in the middle of the hallway. Y/n tried to stay strong. Tried not to cry as the seconds ticked by. They wouldn't give these bullies a reaction. But god was it hard. Why wouldn't the issues just stop? What was so wrong with wanting to be something? Wasn't the Clergy supposed to be open-minded for things like this?! And then the straw that broke the camel's back. A figure came walking down the hallways in his usual pope robes like the king himself.

"What is the meaning of this? What is going on here?" Papa demanded looking at the gathering of his clergy.

His eyes widened when his mismatched orbs met those of Y/n's over the heads of the siblings and Y/n felt the first tremble of their lip. Papa quickly shooed everyone away as he neared with urgent steps toward the distressed clergy member and draped an arm around them; allowing the long length of his sleeve to act as a blanket to hide as much of their body as he could; not like it would have done much more then dirty his robes.

"Back to work, all of you!" his voice raised before his gaze landed on the culprit with a stern glare. "And you, meet me in my office in 20 minutes!" he demanded harshly before he was turning; leading Y/n away from the group that still lingered and toward his office.

Once inside the office Papa set the sibling into a chair and went to grab a towel to help clean them off. "Oh mio caro bambino." he murmured as he knelt beside them and gently began trying to wipe the smoothie from their skin.

"Why didn't you come to me when this happened?" he asked softly and Y/n shook their head avoiding his eyes.

"This has happened before? It's been going on for quite some time, hasn't it?" he guessed as he watched the younger's lip tremble even more and the first salty tear running to mix with the sugar of the smoothie on their face.

"Oh tesero..." the man pulled the other into him; gently petting their hair, not minding the smoothie that now coated his gloves. "You should never be afraid to come to me when trouble arises." he said softly; his heart aching when the other wrapped themselves around him; hugging so fiercely he feared he'd crack a rib under their grip.

"I'm sorry Papa. I didn't think it'd get this bad. I didn't want to bother you." they cried against his shoulder and he could do nothing but rub their back trying to calm them down.

"Don't worry, I'll fix this. They'll get a good talking to." he reassured and suspension if he had any say in the matter. Hell he had half a mind to kick them straight onto their asses out of the Abbey's Gates.

"No! I-if you say anything it'll only be worse!" Y/n protested but Papa only pulled away to give a stern look.

"This has gone on for too long, bambino." he told them while wagging a finger in their direction. "No one deserves to be treated as such; especially not over something as silly as pronouns. It is ridiculous. You go by whatever pronouns you want, you dress the way you want, you can change your name for all I care; it will not make me love you any less. The Abbey is a home for people much like yourself and no one should make another feel so insignificant for just living their lives the way they wish." he told them sternly before his expression softened.

"What can I do to make this better?" he asked searching their face.

"Mountain." Y/n wiped their nose. "I want Mountain."

"Consider it done. Come, I'll walk you to him. He's back in his quarters with the others." he told them as he helped them rise to their feet.

"Papa your robes." Y/n's expression seemed almost devastated as they saw the mess on his sleeve. He chuckled a bit and shook his head.

"They can be washed, no need to fret. Come come. Let's get you to your ghoul." Papa led the way to the ghoul's wing and knocked on the door.

Dewdrop answered and it took him a second to realize who was standing there. His brows scrunching up in confusion before his brows shot up at the sight of Y/n.

"For the love of Satan, what the hell happened to you pipsqueak?" he demanded.

"Bullies. Where's Mountain?" Papa asked pushing his way through the doorway while looking around.

"He's in his room." Dewdrop muttered scanning Y/n body with a critical eye. "Damn, they did a number on you didn't they?" he sighed as he guided them to the couch where Rain sat playing a video game with Swiss.

"Holy Hell!" Swiss gawked over at them when they caught sight of the mess Y/n was in.

"None of that now Swiss. They are upset enough as it is." Papa chided lightly before walking down the hall towards Mountain's room.

"Wait here, honey." Rain murmured resting a hand against Y/n's shoulder before standing and heading for the kitchenette. The sound of rushing water from the sink was the only sound echoing in the room for a minute before the water ghoul returned with a bowl and a kitchen towel.

He sat down beside them again and dipped the cloth into the warm water in the bowl before beginning to wipe at their skin with a concentrated look of furrowed brows. Papa returned moments later with Mountain who looked sleepy; must have been taking a nap that Papa woke him up from. He looked around the room before he tensed seeing Y/n.

"What...Happened?" his rumbling voice demanded as he narrowed his eyes and rounded the corner of the couch to sit on the armrest.

"They cut my hair...and poured smoothie over me." Y/n muttered looking down at their hands in their lap that shook slightly.

"Damnit." Mountain sighed. "Come on little one. Rain follow us. We'll give them a bath to wash all that sticky off and see if we can't fix the hair." he offered which the water ghoul nodded to and rose readily to help.

Y/n took Mountain's offered hand and followed the ghouls back to the Earth Ghoul's room before going straight to the bathroom. The tallest paused in the threshold and looked down at his human friend.

"Would you like for Rain to go get some more of his bath products?" he offered but Y/n shook their head.

"No...I just...I just want to get cleaned up. No pampering this time." they sounded so tired; just from sleep deprivation but tired of all the hate they seemed to get simply by breathing.

Mountain nodded before scratching one of his horns. "Err...my bathtub is kind of broken; I don't have the drain plug anymore so it'll have to be a shower. Do you want Rain to help you while I go get some items to help after?" he offered and after a moment of hesitation and a glance over at the water ghoul who waited patiently nearby; Y/n gave a nod.

At this point, Y/n had no issue with being naked in front of the ghouls even if they were not Mountain; the humiliation or the embarrassment spent in full with no returns it seemed. So they undressed and stepped into the spray of shower water. Rain was thoughtful enough to keep his boxers on at least. While Mountain went to grab some stuff to help clean up the messy chops of hair left Rain dutifully helped wash the smoothie from the other's hair and body with a gentle uninvasive touch being respectful as he did so.

"Mountain told us about what we going on. We didn't know you had it rough Y/n/n." Rain murmured as he scrubbed shampoo into their hair.

Y/n shrugged tilting their head down to not get shampoo in their eyes. "I thought if I ignored it it would just blow over and disappear. But when I'm a walking talking target I guess it's not that easy."

"You're not a target; they are never meant to hurt their own no matter what gender or pronouns they use. It's not right." the water ghoul touched Y/n's shoulder. "I'm sorry, kiddo."

A small smile tugged at Y/n's mouth. "Yeah...that's what Papa said too." they sighed. "I just want it to be over...I'm so tired of feeling unloved just for existing."

Mountain stepped back into the room and pulled the shower's glass door open a bit to peer inside. "You're not unloved, little one. At least not by the people that matter to you. Fuck whatever anyone else says." he piped up and hearing that profanity coming from the usual gentle giant made Y/n start laughing under her breath as Rain rinsed off the suds.

Once the pair were done and Y/n cleaned, the ghouls helped dry them off. Dressing them in comfortable clothes. A pair of boxers from Dewdrop, some sweatpants from Phantom, and a shirt from Mountain that hung damn near to their knees but at least they were clean and mostly dry; comforted by the different scents of spice and cologne of the other ghouls that wafted from the clothes they wore.

Y/n was placed onto a stool in front of the mirror and Mountain's tall frame came into view behind them. "Are you ready?" he asked tilting his head down to look at the little human who nodded with resignation.

"Yep...Can't walk around looking like Chucky." the smile was a little forced but at least they were trying to stay positive despite what happened earlier.

"I'll go make you something to eat okay?" Rain touched their shoulder in farewell before slipping from the bathroom after throwing on some clothes Mountain brought in for him.

The room was filled with quiet snipping sounds as Mountain took one chunky lock and began carefully cutting; trying to even the pieces out. It sort of made Y/n feel like one of the Earth's precious plants he was trimming down to perfection. Despite his large height and even larger hands, he was gentle and very careful as he measured each strip of hair between his fingers before cutting.

"Papa's going to make an announcement soon; a reminder about policy in regard to the bullying." Mountain broke the silence as he worked.

"Oh? On my behalf?" Y/n mumbled staring at themselves in the mirror. "Won't that make me a target all over again?"

"Of course not. Papa doesn't play when it comes to bullying. Bullying ends lives if taken too far and that's the last thing he wants. He cares about you little one. We all do. Some siblings may be too scared to come forward but they won't target you anymore and if I know Papa he'll have already expelled the bullies from the Abbey and kicked them on their butts." Mountain smirked slightly and even though Y/n shouldn't feel any satisfaction about it; they did.

"Alright...what do you think? Do you want to go shorter or does this look good enough?" Mountain finally put down the scissors and Y/n lifted their gaze to study their hair in the mirror.

It was so much shorter than it had been before; like a mixture of a pixie haircut and a boyish haircut. It was different to see their own hair in that style but it also somehow made their face transform. How funny that hair could do that to a person. They reached up to touch their hair before nodding slowly.

"I...like it. Actually," they confessed with a small smile. "Thank you, Mountain..." they murmured.

The earth ghoul nodded and allowed the little human to reach behind them to grab his arms; pulling his long limbs around them like a blanket and he rested his chin on their head with a small smile; a rumbling purr emitting from his chest as he allowed the hug.

"If it makes you feel better, this new look suits you. Take this new experience and new look to start fresh. Keep your chin up and don't let anyone bring you down; okay? You are worth more than just what you look like."

Y/n laughed a bit and nodded slowly. "Yeah...maybe I just needed a haircut to give me a boost." they said playfully and Mountain smiled back at their reflections; happy to see the usual spunk returning to his human.

"If you want I can ask the girls to help you with a new wardrobe if it helps too." he commented making Y/n eyes light up a bit.

"Really?"

"Why not? Might as well. New change new you." Mountain let go of Y/n and dusted off the stray hairs from their shoulders. "Come on, let's go check in with the others. We can watch a movie and get something to eat. Okay?" he offered his hand and Y/n readily grasped it; hopping off the stool.

"You know. I kinda love you." Y/n stated with fondness as they bumped against his arm with affection causing the Earth ghoul to rumble out a chuckle and look down at them.

"I kinda love you too, little one." he replied before ushering them back to the living room.

Rain had indeed gathered them a meal and the others were gathered in the living area with a movie playing as they waited for the last pair to return. Y/n had gotten lots of compliments from their friends and each one helped boost their confidence level. They lay against Mountain's side munching on whatever Rain had made for them feeling content and loved; a feeling they hadn't felt in a long time since joining. With the promise of new clothes and the new haircut made them feel seen for once and as they looked around the room they realized an important lesson or two.

One was that no one had the power to dictate who they were; to decide or to make them feel unworthy of love or acceptance simply by being themselves and that self-love was a powerful thing.

Secondly, while they had been so desperate to fit in with the members of the Clergy; they had done it all wrong. Because quality meant more than quantity and as Y/n looked all around the room at the unmasked ghouls lounging around them they would rather have these ghoulish creatures and Papa over the dozens of those residing in the Abbey. And that realization brought a smile to their face as they buckled down and turned to watch the movie; knowing that no matter what lay down the road - they had the new confidence to walk it because they did love themselves, accepted themselves for who they were, and they had a bunch of weirdos who accepted them as well wholeheartedly.

#ghouls #ghost #ghost band #the band ghost #ghost fandom #titlemewickedwonderland #rain ghoul #mountain ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #papa copia #swiss ghoul #phantom ghoul

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musashi · 8 months ago

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alcoholic dyke here and i think a lot of nuance has been lost in this conversation.

i've been here for all of it (i don't know if you have, OP, so forgive me if this sounds condescending at all) and i pretty much watched it happen and was annoyed and upset the whole time, 'cause you are fundamentally correct--being marginalized is a hell all its own, that is the root of why we have higher death and addiction and suicide and mental illness rates. i don't think anyone was ever insinuating otherwise, at least not anywhere i've seen it.

but from what i saw on this website & other online spaces vaguely adjacent, it went like this:

this post was made:

2. young queerfolk, alcoholics, disabled queers (with both physical & sensory sensitivities), and many other groups that fell in agreement with this for their own personal reasons added onto the sentiment. at the time (over a decade ago, give or take?) it was not the norm to have many other options besides 1. bar/nightclub or 2. GSA, if you were lucky enough to have one at your school/university.

3. of these groups that showed support for this sentiment were sex-repulsed asexual people who felt uncomfortable with the sexual nature & unspoken pressure to 'hook up' at gay bars & night clubs.

4. around 2014, exclusionists on this website decided that it was trendy to violently abuse asexuals & aromantics for clout. every single thing the aroace community did on tumblr was met with meangirl backlash at best and relentless vitriol at worst. this more or less destroyed the aroace community and it has still not recovered to this day.

5. one of the most potent forms of propaganda leveled at the ace community was malicious reframing of sex-repulsion as a concept. the sex-repulsed ace is, obviously, just minding their own business and living their truth--but exclusionists intentionally framed them as virulent, homophobic prudes who went around telling the ~real~ queers where they were and were not allowed to have their Gross Faggot Sex, etc etc.

6. one of the most effective ways they propagandized this was by out-of-context circulation of posts like the one i posted above.

(and, occasionally, actual psy-ops where users would pretend to be asexuals and intentionally post cringey, anti-sex, anti-kink, homophobic nonsense and of course the 'no internet skepticism skills' website believed it)

7. posts like this stopped being read in good faith. seeing a post like the above, tumblr users before the ace discourse instilled brainrot in half this website would see it and think "yeah! it would be awesome if we had more options." after the ace discourse, the reaction a lot of those same people would have would be more like "i cannot believe the cringey aces on this website are still acting like gay bars and night clubs are depraved sex dens full of rambunctious horny dykes. they don't even know how homophobic they are."

8. miraculously, eventually, the ace discourse freaks all either 1. moved onto bi/pan lesbians (and so far are doing a pretty shit job) or 2. were run off the site/out of communities because people unpacked shit and realized they were on the wrong side of things.

9. arguments in defense of the original point came back out of the woodwork. "now that the ace discourse has died down, can we please fucking get back to rallying for more queer spaces other than bars and clubs? the autistics, the mobility aid users, the children and teenagers, the sex-repulsed asexuals, and the alcoholics deserve options for community too."

10. presumably, these posts are circulating now, because they make good points.

i don't think any queer alcoholic is going to genuinely say that gay bars are the reason we have a higher alcoholism rate. we have that because society wants us dead and you have to find a way to survive knowing that. but 1. the alcohol companies know that and intentionally prey on us, see them setting up their rainbow floats at pride every year and 2. the lack of sober queer spaces makes it hard, often nigh impossible to stay clean and sober. it's hard enough to stay clean and sober as a cishet, alcoholics bleed friends like fucking crazy when we make the choice to stay sober or even just cut back. 12 step programs are largely bunk, but repeated studies have shown that the reason they work on accident is because they are a social space where addicts can find community without the pressure to use.

so if cishets struggle that hard, we struggle much harder. and, yes, the lack of sober queer spaces is a huge part of that. back in 2014, we addicts on tumblr were largely laughed out of every room we entered, every point of discourse we tried to spur on. i got a multitude of pretty violent threats on here back then for talking openly about intoxication culture and how addiction was a disability. and that was before the ace discourse ramped up.

so i think probably what's happening is queer addicts are finally feeling emboldened again to discuss this and perhaps some nuance is being lost in the many, MANY layers of telephone over the years. perhaps some of them are remembering the shitty discourse and how they were swept under the rug and persecuted as homophobes/apologists because they, for their own reasons, dared to share similar opinions with asexuals in 2014.

no, going to a gay bar doesn't turn queers into alkies, but it sure as shit is a lot easier to not die of alcohol poisoning at age 27 when you have the choice to walk into a social club or a cafe instead of a bar.

alcoholism is a problem in the lgbt community yes but there's something weird and mentally disconnecting about trying to say that's because there's too many gay nightclubs or whatever instead of the reality that being lgbt is just genuinely oppressive and will push people to maladaptive coping mechanisms. like did we forget that people become alcoholics for a multitude of more reasons than because they went to a club once

#wendy rambles #god i went through 37 flashbacks writing this. don't ask me what i've seen.#even in the notes of THIS POST people are still #repeating anti-ace discourse points from 2014 #stuff that never existed in any capacity #and was implanted in their heads by some no-life 20 something #with a fake blog called like asexy-winchesters-in-the-tardis-with-cake

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olderhnhfagit · 14 days ago

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77 Ways to Humiliate a faggot slave

Humiliation is an important part of every faggot’s training. When a Man humiliates a faggot, He’s teaching him:

• humility – a faggot must remain humble and not allow his ego to get in the way of his ability to serve and obey Men, who are naturally superior

• respect – a faggot must learn to show appreciation and esteem for Men

• obedience – a faggot must learn to cede all control to Men

Plus, it’s just plain fun to embarrass or shame a faggot sometimes — and faggots exist to amuse as much as they do to serve.

Unfortunately, faggots actually enjoy being humiliated. Therefore, it can sometimes be difficult to imagine new ways to humiliate them. With that in mind, I’ve created the following list of 77 ways for Men to humiliate Their faggots. Go forth, Men, and have fun playing with your faggot slaves!

1. Forbid Your faggot slave from entering Your Home on two legs – he must always drop to all fours and crawl in.

2. Make him kiss Your feet as soon as he sees You and just before he leaves You.

3. Forbid him from wearing clothes in Your home – Your faggot slave should always be naked in Your presence.

4. Make him wear chained nipple clamps like a woman.

5. Make him wear a leash and collar in Your presence. Or, even better, out in public.

6. Forbid him from making eye contact with You.

7. Forbid him from using furniture at Your house.

8. Put him on a timeout, standing naked in the corner facing the wall for a period of time.

9. Place him on his knees in front of a mirror in his faggot gear: collar, nipple clamps, chastity device, wrist & ankle cuffs – force him to stare at himself while he recites a faggot mantra like “i am a faggot slave. i crave humiliation and degradation. i serve Men because They are superior to me. i exist to lick Their Feet and drink Their Piss.”

10. Spit in his face especially if it’s a loogie and make him keep it there to dry. Forbid him from wiping it off. Bonus to do it in public and he is forced to wear it all day.

11. Give him an enema and then take him on a walk around the neighborhood with it still in.

12. Clip a clothes pin to his tongue and make him say “i am a faggot” 10 times until he’s drooling all over himself.

13. Have him make animal noises for You on command: “Bark like a dog!” Or, “Meow like a cat!” Or, “Show me what sound a pig makes!”

14. Forbid him from using toilet paper. Instead, pre-mix a cleaning solution for him to use — Your piss, perhaps, mixed with dish soap — and store it in a spray bottle labeled “fag bath” or “cunt cleaner.” Make him display it next to the toilet in his home, where any guests are sure to see it. Bonus points for filming him spray his hole and clean it with his hand.

15. Discipline Your faggot regularly – for example, spank his ass before he leaves after a training visit. Remind him that he deserves it.

16. Make him clean Your Home and do Your laundry – to further humiliate him, make him wear heels, a bra and panties.

17. Make him wash You, shower You, towel You dry, etc. his shower will consist of Your Piss.

18. Make him service & clean Your feet with his mouth – especially if Your feet are dirty.

19. Make Your faggot slave pay You – charge that faggot for the opportunity to serve You and to receive the humiliation he deserves.

20. Require him to send You tribute gifts from Your amazon Wish List.

21. Strap a dildo to his face and have him fuck You until You cum.

22. Require that he massage Your body until You are properly relaxed; punish him if does not make You fully relaxed.

23. Make him eat Your ass.

24. And when he’s eating Your ass, rip a fart in his faggot face.

25. Instruct your faggot to buy You a rim seat – then make him rim You for hours while You play video games, watch movies, etc.

26. While lounging on Your couch, push Your underwear down around Your ankles and make him lay on the floor with his face in there.

27. After you fuck him, hose him off with Your Piss.

28. Train him to be Your urinal.

29. Make him sleep on the floor next to your bed.

30. Train him to sleep in restraints and/or locked in a cage.

31. If You wake up before Your faggot, wake him up by farting directly into his face/mouth.

32. If Your faggot wakes up before You, instruct him to wake You nicely by licking Your feet seductively, then service Your cock to completion.

33. Photo and film the faggot slave when he serves You and post the files on a site dedicated to his humiliation.

34. Lock his cock in a chastity device.

35. Make him sign up for Keyholder service: You lock up his little dicklet in chastity, You specify the time he’s locked up, he mails away the key and he has to pay for it.

36. Send him out with his chastity device locked on, then make him change at the gym, the swimming pool, the beach, etc. so others see it.

37. After months in a chastity device, switch it out to a smaller one so his dicklet shrinks even more.

38. Make fun of his tiny dicklet, and that it’s locked up.

39. Make him sit on dildos while You watch and laugh at him.

40. Make him wear a butt plug and send him to the gym to workout — ensuring that he changes and showers in the locker room with the butt plug still in.

41. Cum on his face or in his hair, then send him out to run errands for You; make it clear that he’ll be severely punished if he returns and You discover that he’s wiped the cum off.

42. Call or text him at will and order him to piss his pants and send You a picture of it. If You do it when You know he’s out in public — at a bar, perhaps, or on the train during their evening commute home from work — even better.

43. Make him use the urinal in a public mensroom with his pants around his ankles; or, if he has to shit, make him do so in a stall with the door wide open.

44. Stand next to him at the urinal when You’re out and about; turn and face him so that You piss on him instead of in the urinal. Laugh, and make him walk around with Your piss all over him.

45. Forbid him from using the restroom for the day and make him wear a diaper, instead. Let him know you’ll be inspecting the diaper later, so he’d better make use of it.

46. Make him beg permission to use the bathroom; if approved, forbid him from standing or using the seat – he must always sit directly on the porcelain bowl.

47. Make him piss outside like a dog – or shit in a cat box; use a garden hose with cold water to wash his dirty cunt.

48. Require that he always keep the door wide open when he’s using the bathroom at home.

49. Whenever You need to use the toilet — at home or in public — escort him in with You and make him lick it clean for You so you have a pristine place to relieve Yourself.

50. Make him wipe Your ass. Either with toilet paper or with his hand.

51. If You choose to feed him, always serve his “food” in a dog bowl and make him eat it kneeling like an animal on the floor next to You while You sit and eat Your dinner at the table like the Man You are.

52. Piss or cum into his food; make him eat it while You watch.

53. Make him serve as a piece of furniture — a footrest, perhaps, or a coffee table on which people can set their drinks — during Your next party.

54. Outfit him with an ashtray mouth gag and station him on Your patio for smokers to use during Your next get-together.

55. Lock him in a cage naked during Your next party and let Your guests ogle at him like a zoo animal.

56. When out in public, forbid him to walk in front of You.

57. Make him address You as “Sir” in public. He should already be doing it in private, but addressing You that way in public will take Your power dynamic to a whole new level. To kick it up yet another notch, make him call You “Master, Sir.”

58. Perform an unannounced strip search and/or cavity check in an unexpected time or place — out at a bar, for instance, or in the parking lot when You’re out running errands.

59. Reprimand him in public when he does something bad.

60. Spank him in public.

61. Make him kneel in a public restroom with the word “toilet” written on his forehead.

62. Handcuff him in places like bars.

63. Make him wear a T-shirt out to a gay bar or sex club that says “i’m a faggot,” or “slave,” or “pussyboy,” or “cumdump.”

64. Take him to the bathhouse with messages like “breed me” or “i drink piss” or “cocksucker” written on his body in permanent marker.

65. When out in restaurants together, order his meal for him – make sure it’s low calorie and small portioned while You order a full meal. Make him pay. For added fun, make it very clear to the hostess, server, and all staff that the faggot doesn’t even need a menu, You’ll be ordering for him and that he’ll be paying.

66. Make him give himself an enema while You watch.

67. Spontaneously order him to jerk off to completion in front of You or others while locked in chastity; punish him if he doesn’t complete in a specified period of time.

68. Make him service a set of number of Your Friends with video proof that is submitted to You before a specified time period – add more Friends to his to do list if he doesn’t finish in time.

69. When You introduce him to Your friends, make sure he’s naked, collared, chastised, plugged and on his knees so Your Friends can see what a faggot he is. For bonus points, make him “confess” something like, “Hello, i’m a faggot, and my cunt is filled with cum right now.” Or, “Hello, i’m a faggot slave, and i drink piss.”

70. Take him into a photobooth and make him pose for pictures with Your cock in his mouth, then walk away and make him leave the pictures for the next patron to find — not knowing who will find them or what they’ll do with them.

71. Make him approach a stranger at a bar, in a bathroom or at a sex club and beg for their cock, piss or cum.

72. Loan him out to Your Friends – to clean Their homes, drink Their piss, receive Their spit, service Them – or just to have them verbally humiliate him.

73. Force him to cook dinner for You and Your Friends, and then be Your waiter. Make sure that he’s on his knees at Your side, ready to serve when needed. To add to the humiliation factor, make him buy the food, take orders and clean the dishes/kitchen.

74. Force him to service Your friends when They visit Your home – Your feet, Your cocks, Your holes while You all watch movies, talk, enjoy Yourselves. To amp it up, keep telling him he’s a faggot slave and take pictures of him servicing all of You.

75. Make him drink Your piss, kneeling at the trough at gay bars or similar; let Your friends know that he’s available for urinal service.

76. Place an ad for free blowjobs on craigslist – force him to suck off any of the ad respondents and film it.

77. Take him to festivals such as Dore, Folsom, Wet n Hot as a slave – naked, hooded, collared, plugged and chastised. Amp up the humiliation by removing the hood.

inspiration for life as a fagboysub

182 notes

2 years ago

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thehypnoden

My Adult Hypnosis Files

All files have their difficulty rating next to them. Level 1 is an easy to get into trance, 2 is a little more deep, and 3 is for experienced hypnosis subjects.

My Patreon can be found at the new link, patreon.com/raydensden

-Hypnoboy Part 1 (lvl 1)

-Hypnoboy Part 2 (lvl 2)

-Hypnoboy Part 3 (lvl 3)

-Hypnoboy Training Pt. 1 (lvl 2)

-Hypnoboy Training Pt. 2 (lvl 2)

-Stress Relief (lvl 1)

-Puppy Pet Training Part 1 (lvl 1)

-Puppy Pet Training Part 2 (lvl 2)

-Puppy Pet Training Part 3 (lvl 3)

-Sooper Hero (lvl 3)

-Master’s Mind Control Chip (lvl 3)

-Dumbing Down Machine (lvl 2)

-Milking Duties- Advanced (lvl 3)

-Hypnosluts just wanna have Fun (lvl 2)

-Stroke Yourself Silly (lvl 1)

-Halloween Werewolf Transformation (lvl 2)

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-HypnoDen Spa Massage (lvl 2)

-Encounter with an Incubus (lvl 1)

-A Christmas Gift (lvl 2)

-Desire (lvl 2)

-New Normal (lvl 3)

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-Pleasure Pod (lvl 2)

-Obsession: Cocks (lvl 1)

-Rayden’s Pet Imp (lvl 3)

UPDATED- 7/08/2018

deeplincolngreen

Feeling such intense pleasure from these files

Mr Haruel's World

Rayden's HypnoDen

6.66K notes

1 year ago

samanthacdslave

Sissy chastity training

Chastity Training

First let me start that this is for sissies without owners, owners can determine there own training schedule.

I bought a locking device on Amazon called the Kitchen Safe. It is a timed locking device. You can set it for any length of time and when it locks the only way to get it open is to break the case. I bought a non clear model so once it is locked then I can’t see what is inside.

Next get a chastity that is somewhat comfortable that you can’t escape from that locks. Your only cheating yourself of your proper training.

Chastity schedule:

When in your chastity the device is to be locked and the key is to be in some way you can’t get to it, sissies can’t be trusted with the keys.

When out of the chastity you are to clean the device and your genitals to proper maintain health and cleanliness. You are to resist playing unless it says you can. When you do you are to eat it like a proper sissy should.

Every day you should be cleaning as best as you can for proper health. If something does not feel right stop and assess your health.

1: 1 day in chastity, 1 day out. 2: 2 days in chastity, 1 day out. 3: 4 days in chastity, 1 day out. 4: 5 days in chastity, 1 orgasm allowed and only enough time to clean. 5: 1 week in chastity, 1 day out. 6: 1 week in chastity, 1 orgasm allowed and only enough time to clean. 7: 1 week in chastity, only enough time to clean. 8: 1 week in chastity, only enough time to clean. 9: 1 week in chastity, only enough time to clean. 10: 1 week in chastity, 1 orgasm allowed and only enough time to clean.

At this point you are going a whole month in chastity only a week at a time between full cleanings. You may maintain this for a while before moving on. Remember this is your choice, and listen to your body, it will tell you if your ready to move on. Make sure if you move on your device is able to be cleaned while inside.

11: 2 weeks in chastity, only enough time to clean. 12: 2 weeks in chastity, only enough time to clean. 13: 2 weeks in chastity, 1 orgasm and only enough time to clean. 14: 1 month in chastity, only enough time to clean. 15: 1 month in chastity, 1 orgasm and only enough time to clean. 16: repeat steps 14 and 15 till ready to go forward.

17: increase steps 14 and 15 to 2 months.

So you see where this is going, it is taking each step slowly allowing you to clean and maintain health and decreasing your allowed orgasms. You may continue at your own choice increasing the months till your at 6 and 6. Yea! You have been in chastity without orgasm for a year.

You can also, depending on your body do this with the weekly just not allowing orgasm more and more but allowing a weekly cleaning.

Tell me what you think and where you are in the process!

Hope you enjoy.

sissygames

Fantastic way to work your way into serious chastity time.

loadbucket✍︎

A chastised sissy slave whore

763 notes

1 year ago

propertyforowner

faggot Defined

Using and/ or owning a faggot is a completely selfish and one-sided activity. faggots exist for the sole and exclusive use of Superior MEN. faggots exist to be exploited for a Superior MAN’s personal sake and benefits.

A faggot is not companion, friend or lover. A faggot is not a sub, boy or even a slave. A faggot is lower than a slave. A faggot never sees itself as an equal in any way. A faggot recognizes the Superior MAN’s right to use it as HIS birthright.

A faggot is an inferior life form; a male animal, a beast of burden, thing or object. It is live-stock in human form that functions, acts, performs in whatever manner is required so that the Superior MAN can enjoy an enhanced and more comfortable lifestyle.

When the Superior MAN adopts the attitude that they have taken control of a faggot so that they can take possession of male animal that can be used in any way that suits HIS needs, satisfies HIS desires, and that the faggot is not deserving of any consideration whatsoever. The faggot is a thing, an object. The faggot is like a phone, car or anything else a Superior MAN might use as HE goes about HIS life.

There are on three primary reasons to have and use a faggot :

1. Labor – put the faggot to work. The faggot is grateful for the opportunity to do work for a Superior MAN. All the chores that take time and prevent the Superior MAN from more interesting pursuits can be done by the faggot. Cleaning, laundry, yard work etc. Does the faggot have special skills – cook, handyman, etc. – the faggot’s skills are to be used and exploited.

2. Sex – a faggot can be used for sexual release. The entire sexual experience with a faggot is about a Superior MAN’s sexual needs. The faggot is really no more than a hole.

3. Torture – there is enjoyment and gratification to be found in torturing a faggot. There is something satisfying in taking deep pleasure in the faggots suffering and see it come back for more. Craving YOU even more because of the things YOU do to it.

faggots exist to be used and faggots need to be used.

The faggot faces the reality of what it is; and understands without a Superior MAN to serve it is nothing, it has no purpose, no existence, no life. On the other hand a Superior MAN can have a rich, full life without ever using or owning a faggot.

The faggot knows and accepts what it is. A faggot accepts that it is inferior. That it is nothing but an object to be used and possibly discarded. The faggot understands that if it does not serve well, if it can’t be of use in any of the three categories than it has no value, no worth to the Superior MAN.

A faggot knows true contentment and has a sense of purpose only when it is being serving, being used and controlled by a Superior MAN.

The faggot Serves, Worships and Obeys the Superior MAN

To the faggot the Superior MAN is SIR, MASTER, OWNER and God.

mastersaysboysobey

What are you?

austriaslave36

I am Big faggot

landonsaysscrewyou

I want every faggot that follows me to reblog this immediately. Understand what this means and live by it.

francodt

The gist of it all…read up fellow faggots.

Untitled

property for Owner

3.67K notes

1 year ago

millerdorothy1996

If u a single gay reblog dis

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pa69allen

Yes

khalayblogs

Say hi, I’m single , Lets get to know each other

Untitled

:):

59.8K notes

1 year ago

Fag Finder

Reblog this if your a faggot willing to serve a master

fuk boi

Porn

7.84K notes

2 years ago

bikermanuk2-deactivated20230820

Discipline 4 Boys full videos

https://www.dropbox.com/s/c8tmuo921jhr2lb/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/22w34oqez63k1ww/Disciplin…

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here are the T titles:

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here are the S titles:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/qyzrx8ynsxnnfcy/Disciplin…

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/9e7u8acbmsm4f6w/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/bemkis09446wiai/Disciplin…

and the R titles:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/hkt25ptptgiyacy/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/a5hlgfyu3uj9i7i/Disciplin…

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/v91bs3kviyubm94/Disciplin…

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The P titles:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/gw7e6x0zr2c7nxu/Disciplin…

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the O titles:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/obq49aukj1sd4nz/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3jxhz1btuji03kt/Disciplin…

the N titles"

https://www.dropbox.com/s/szq7ev6pw4as8k8/Disciplin…

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/w0zlmui5airqveu/Disciplin…

there’s a lot of M titles:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gbqnetj7364u648/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/bucxmc41zj1g8ky/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/2ng3tr7g86rzyjg/Disciplin…

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/et9bpdkn63988dz/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/w559ut4eum8brsz/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/g1zyy59pndw8p3b/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/cbc7mqc710zpgaz/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/jptdfhpfgxv71a7/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/yjx6br057c5fjed/Disciplin…

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/2nrgkxvfe6aiqdo/Disciplin…

this section is for titles beginning with L:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/sl7twwrqyb6cgg4/Disciplin…

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/126d88z1da9h2dx/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hbnfwzjsvl8vu9j/Disciplin…

this sections is for titles beginning with K:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/3df031ztb43wfam/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/li26lgr4ff1ilio/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/7x11cbmb7hvw9jv/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3imbhodndedq8ss/Disciplin…

we are now in the J titles:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/yo3qabdwwrv01zn/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/6rhvbo4g3vguyrz/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/e68uuccg4oqihl5/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ubvt562bnlifef0/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ei5twykz3f8pqfu/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/r81dea79av38mxb/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/fvp38u2q68ftzks/Disciplin…

the I titles are below:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/u66to5i6ml18b1m/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/iozw0zhf4iuu0gk/Disciplin…

H titles are below:

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https://www.dropbox.com/s/e0zmuyo5pelmehg/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/xdx6h5z7875d7zh/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3jtnz2jik7b19bx/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/aa5322xepj964sm/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/33z5illr3s3r9n5/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/s24r7lz98zeli4f/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hsh652fr7i8mpbu/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ae93ytypglmygty/Disciplin…

G titles below:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5nsp3qk5kjaeuyu/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/fxpaa8ikj34dz7t/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/isipjqb0mpgnn5t/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/m6zzj6co3l7229v/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/usvw666f7w3775q/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ltr5h01rcpkw773/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/szc0t4mfd9xkd2l/Disciplin…

Here are the F titles:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/qy3ytd6m73q2kjn/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/u33ivcih3f2tdvg/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3rc50yvjo65gad3/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1nap3yzd2gz76zw/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/wns1ao4m95vqk6g/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b8006qm5xsqx355/Disciplin…

E titles…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ge6y5mkz4ysa8lu/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5y1j38p6r1ejb9c/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/tgqb43o4z9dzndy/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/iu55psyv7tbz1ul/Disciplin…

D titles:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/4btway9x80llsdb/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ed8hoimir5peuet/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/7cnc75d8wp33amq/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/4btway9x80llsdb/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ed8hoimir5peuet/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/7cnc75d8wp33amq/Disciplin…

the C titles:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/d7aixi6pwge2ou4/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3utdctqm28dzf0g/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hwa99aldskr4p8n/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/a7expscg2x9pbr9/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/qn6ew4gyt1z5q7a/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/k90pkszetaldqu2/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/s9dtrozn35053vc/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/81eqivdpg3l1c9n/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0ijtzhjlxi3hx00/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/jn7z3ln2oiqeqqd/Disciplin…

B titles there’s no A

https://www.dropbox.com/s/euy7sgzgytdb3jr/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/eb62488uuhmelhu/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/vyybpqosy50j6xc/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/sdtofgf7lpqe9u4/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hwhhjxvmvfo37ua/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/uq6suv762kyggod/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/tcach6426zjunb5/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8euepsuy3vl8yvj/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/zonntc9twfguvc3/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ol8n9f2zlcdos5l/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/2i4mqjan0gobznn/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/tuucg367m4fxcu1/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5dfg5z3qqw0ccf9/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b1ouqqjtqrew2n8/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/taxvr3c61rlwwt3/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/wnvtgceh79k07hy/Disciplin…

https://www.dropbox.com/s/rx4n1i2ncing1ud/Disciplin…

4whippingboys

REBLOG IF YOURE INTO WHIPPING FLOGGING STRAPPINGS

Bound boys in Socked Feet

Untitled

12.4K notes

2 years ago

57 Ways to Humiliate a Sub Faggot

Humiliation is an important part of every faggot’s training. When a Man humiliates a faggot, He’s teaching him humility (a faggot must remain humble and not allow his ego to get in the way of his ability to serve and obey superior Men), respect (a faggot must learn to show appreciation and esteem to superior Men) and obedience (a faggot must learn to cede all control to superior Men). Plus, it’s just plain fun to embarrass or shame a faggot sometimes — and faggots exist to amuse as much as they do to serve.

Unfortunately, faggots have very little shame. Therefore, it can sometimes be difficult to imagine new ways to humiliate them. With that in mind, i’ve created a the following list of 57 ways for Men to humiliate Their faggots. Go forth, Men, and have fun playing with your subs!

Make him wear a butt plug and send him to the gym to workout — ensuring that he changes and showers in the locker room with the butt plug still in.

Cum on his face or in his hair, then send him out to run errands for You; make it clear that he’ll be severely punished if he returns and You discover that he’s wiped the cum off.

Call or text him at will and order him to piss his pants and send You a picture of it. If You do it when You know he’s out in public — at a bar, perhaps, or on the train during their evening commute home from work — even better.

Serve him his dinner in a dog bowl and make him eat it — sans utensils — kneeling like an animal on the floor next to You while You sit and eat Your dinner at the table like the Man You are.

Make him serve as a piece of furniture — a footrest, perhaps, or a coffee table on which people can set their drinks — during Your next party.

Make him address You as “Sir” in public. He should already be doing it in private, but addressing You that way in public will take Your power dynamic to a whole new level. To kick it up yet another notch, make him call You “Master.”

Outfit him with an ashtray mouth gag and station him on Your patio for smokers to use during Your next get-together.

Spontaneously order him to jerk off to completion in front of You or others in a random or inopportune time and/or place. Then, make him eat his load.

Forbid him from using the restroom for the day and make him wear a diaper, instead. Let him know you’ll be inspecting the diaper later, so he’d better make use of it.

Make him use the bathroom — piss and/or shit, Your choice — in front of You or others.

Perform an unannounced strip search and/or cavity check in an unexpected time or place — out at a bar, for instance, or in the parking lot when You’re out running errands.

Piss or cum into his food; make him eat it while You watch.

Forbid him to walk in front of You; faggots have to crawl on all fours.

Lock him in a cage naked during Your next party and let Your guests ogle at him like a zoo animal.

Dress him in slutty clothes and send him out in public to run errands for You.

Make him give himself an enema while You watch.

Make him use the urinal in a public mensroom with his pants around his ankles; or, if he has to shit, make him do so in a stall with the door wide open. Alternatively, or in addition, require that he always keep the door wide open when he’s using the bathroom at home.

Make him wear a leash and collar in Your presence. Or, even better, out in public.

Forbid him from making eye contact with You.

Handcuff him in public.

Make him kneel in a public restroom with the word “toilet” written on his forehead.

Lock his cock in a chastity device.

Lock his cock in a chastity device, then make him change at the gym, the swimming pool, the beach, etc., with the cock cage on.

Shave his head.

Shave all his body hair.

Scold him like he’s a little boy.

Reprimand him in public when he does something bad.

Spank him in public.

Write “faggot” on his face or body with suntan lotion, then take him sunbathing and let the sun “brand” him.

Make him wear a T-shirt out in public that says “i’m a faggot,” or “slave,” or “pussyboy,” or “cumdump.”

Put him in a timeout, standing naked in the corner facing the wall for a period of time.

Spit in his face — bonus if it’s a loogie — and make him keep it there to dry. Forbid him from wiping it off.

Take him to the bathhouse with messages like “breed me” or “i drink piss” or “cocksucker” written all over his body in permanent marker.

Next time he’s eating Your ass, rip a fart in his face.

Next time You take a dump, take Your finger — or even Your turd itself — and wipe a streak of shit on his upper lip. Demand that he wear Your shit mustache there all day.

Make him suck a dildo in a public place — in the car on the highway during rush hour, for example — so others can see.

Only allow him to use the bathroom outside, like a dog.

Make him eat things out of Your ass.

Gag him with Your cock until he pukes, then make him lick up his vomit.

Make him sleep on the floor next to your bed, instead of in the bed.

Slap him. Hard.

Make him lick your shoes or boots — on command, in public.

Pee next to him at the urinal when You’re out and about; turn and face him so that You piss on him instead of in the urinal. Laugh, and make him walk around with Your piss all over him.

Make him wipe Your ass for You. Either with toilet paper, with his hand or with his tongue. All three are extremely humiliating.

Make him verbally recite a list of five, 10, 20 — whatever — things he loves and admires about You.

Cut or a rip a hole in the seat of his pants and send him out wearing them without underwear on underneath.

Give him an enema and then take him on a walk around the neighborhood with it still in. Make sure he’s wearing light-colored pants or shorts. Heheheh.

Make him flash his hole to strangers in the car on the highway, at a rest stop, or another location of Your choosing.

Whenever You need to use the toilet — at home or in public — escort him in with You and make him lick it clean for You so you have a pristine place to relieve Yourself.

Clip a clothes pin to his tongue and make him say “i am a faggot” 10 times until he’s drooling all over himself.

After you fuck him, hose him off naked in the yard like a dirty animal.

Make him approach a stranger and “confess” something dirty and embarrassing. Like, “Hello, i’m a faggot, and i like to sniff Men’s asses.” Or, “Hello, i’m a faggot, and my cunt is filled with cum right now.” Or, “Hello, i’m a faggot, and i drink piss.”

Make him make animal noises for You on command: “Bark like a dog!” Or, “Meow like a cat!” Or, “Show me what sound a pig makes!”

Make him clean his cunt every time he shits. Pre-mix a cleaning solution for him to use — Your piss, perhaps, mixed with some dish soap — and store it in a spray bottle labeled “fag bath” or “cunt cleaner.” Make him display this cleaner next to the toilet in his home, where any guests are sure to see it.

Take him into a photobooth and make him pose for pictures with Your cock in his mouth, then walk away and make him leave the pictures for the next patron to find — not knowing who will find them or what they’ll do with them.

Make him approach a stranger at a bar, in a bathroom or at a sex club and beg for their cock, piss or cum.

Make him dust Your home using a feather duster stuck up his ass.

Sin título

RAUNCHY SUB

11.5K notes

2 years ago

domgayhusbands

40 Ways to Control Your Sub Partner Outside of the Bedroom

Always exercise caution and negotiate what form of control you want someone to have over you. Please do not rush into something that makes you uncomfortable.

Many of these forms of control are more extreme and appropriate only for those in trusting, long term commitments. Absent of consent these things are not appropriate and even when consensual may only appeal to a specific set of masochistic subs that crave such forms of controlling and seemingly abusive behavior.

1) Use apps to keep control of their location

2) Require them to keep a food log and report to you what they eat

3) Make them share their email, Facebook, Tumblr, or other social media account passwords with you. Set up the security questions and recovery email so that only you can reset them.

4) Keep a safe where you can lock up some of personal items as punishment

5) Plan their outfits for them. Budget what money they can spend on clothes or just do the shopping for them so they never wear clothes they pick for themselves.

6. Gain admin access to their bank account so you can track their spending.

7. Set up a protocol for their behavior in public: how they should address you, when to speak to others, what sort of eye contact they should make. Punish them in private for breaking protocol.

8. Make them wear a fitness device so you can track their activity and sleep schedule and hold them accountable to it. Set a bedtime for them.

9. Keep them locked up in a chastity device.

10. Pick out their barber or hairstylist for them. Make them groom themselves to your liking.

11. If they work outside the home, have them set up their paychecks for direct deposit into YOUR bank account. Transfer a small stipend to them to restrict their spending.

12. Keep tabs on who their friends are and what relatives they speak to on a regular basis. Intervene when there’s a relationship that isn’t to your liking.

13. Use “parental” controls whenever necessary to limit their access to pornography so they will channel their attention to You alone.

14. Set up a protocol for punishment when you’re in a public area. One code word could mean they must get to a private area like a restroom for a spanking or lecture. Another code word could mean they’ll get punished later at home.

15. Find other submissives in the BDSM community that can befriend your sub and then report back to you on their private conversations. Use them as spies to find out how your sub REALLY feels.

16. Make your sub keep a diary that you have access to so you can read their personal thoughts.

17. Order for them when you go out to eat at restaurants.

18. Say things that subtly demean then when you’re with other people, like ��he can’t ever think straight” or “they��re not very good at math.” You can also tell embarrassing stories. This will make them feel flustered and keep your power dynamic balanced properly.

19. If you decide to not be monogamous, create an arrangement where only you can decide who will fuck them and when.

20. Make them wear fetish or bondage gear under their clothes when they’re in public.

21. Make them check in with you at specific times when you’re apart.

22. Control the amount of water they drink and when they get to pee. Have fun watching them squirm when you’re out in public together. If they wet themselves- laugh, pretend you don’t know them, and leave them to find a ride home on their own.

23. Make them recite mantras to themselves throughout the day such as “I am property. I will serve my owner. My body belongs to Master.”

24. Enroll them in classes such as cooking or massage therapy so that they can serve you more fully.

25. Set up a protocol for how they will refer to themselves in public and in private. They might have a different protocol for each. Make them change their name or use a nickname if you wish when in public.

26. Give them a strict daily schedule. When they wake up. When they fix you breakfast. When they exercise. When they leave for work, etc.

27. Restrict what type of access they have to transportation. For example, if they can get to work by bus, make them sell their car and not renew their driver’s license to affect their ease of getting places without your permission.

28. Find a place where you can keep them chained up, such as a basement or closet space, when they won’t be fully necessary.

29. Use punishments accordingly to control their behavior. Some subs may require physical discipline while others may just require a lecture or restriction of privileges.

30. Try hypnosis as a means of reprogramming your sub’s mind to fully surrender to you.

31. Install surveillance cameras in your home that only you have access to. Even if you don’t regularly rewatch the footage, this will be enough for fuck with your sub’s mind.

32. Keep food and other household items locked up so that the sub can only access them with your permission.

33. Try to strike feelings of jealousy in your sub when they’re slacking. Pull up Grindr and scroll through it in front of him of find another sub to fuck and tell them how AMAZING the sex was.

34. Marry them so you will be in a legally binding agreement and cement their commitment to you. Find ways to arrange the pre-nup so they’ll be at an extreme disadvantage to leave the relationship.

35. Teach them to be very complementary and respectful to you while around other people. Reward them when they sing your praises and describe what an incredible partner you’ve been to them.

36. Give them incentive and appreciation for the service they’ve done for you. This will provide extra motivation for them.

37. Tattoo or pierce them if you wish.

38. Be the head of the household who decides any major financial decisions or if you decide to move homes. Consider the sub’s input but veto it if necessary.

39. Find ways the sub can make extra money on the side for you.

40. Remind the sub that you do these things because you love him.

austintxfaggot4str8alpha

Some are over the top. Most get me as rock hard (although a rock hard faggot clit is useless!).

Sin título

8.22K notes

2 years ago

faggot-prince

Rules for all slaves

My Masters rules are:

The proper way of things.

i.e the way it will be

As My slave you have no rights; in fact you have nothing at all.

You will take your place in fully recognizing the truth of My Supremacy, My Superiority and your own lowly status.

You will obey My commands eagerly to the letter without questioning any of them and you will accept My authority and judgment of your servitude. My word is law and My whip is the implement of its enforcement.

You will spend all your waking hours learning to exist exclusively for My pleasure, comfort, and glory and that of all masters .

You will not allow your mind to wander even for a moment from Me and when it is not occupied in My service you will remember that all you do is at My whim and command. Even the basic privileges for you to eat and sleep, are mine to command.

Do not expect to be cared for in the normally accepted meaning. In My world you will be valued for what you are (a slave) provided your servitude is acceptable. Understand that it will never be perfect in My eyes. You are considered nothing more than an object of My property. You will never forget that you, as a slave, are merely My plaything, a work horse and toy existing only for My service, amusement and pleasure. In your role as My slave I need merely to look after your welfare. You will be kept fit for purpose.

From this moment you will be known as “slave”. If there are, at any times, more than one slave present you will be known as “slave S” or simply “S”.

All of the following rules which are for guidance in your servitude to your superior will apply from henceforth. I will expect absolute adherence to these rules in every detail.

Any failure on your part to follow the rules in every detail will result in punishment administered spontaneously or extended over a period of time determined by me.

Slave Rules

applicable to S, slave of

master

RULE 1

I make the rules and can change them and add to them at any time

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bellwitchfaggot · 2 years ago

Text

Trying 2 determine what all abt my life currently I feel comfortable actually talking about on tumblr these days n the answer is like. Well I think of updates 2 post n then I'm like well I thought that already, articulated the thought to the self no need 2 post now n I might regret it later. And now no one online knows anything about me maybe. I'm tipsy for what is not the first time in a while but I drink socially standardly these days n due to social burnout + did I do not rly cognisize those moments while alone. So I'm tipsy while mostly alone for the first time in a while specifically and I try to refrain from posting personal shit moreso when I'm not sober. A problem I realize here recent I have been having w posting to socials as in the past like year and a half or so I've re unmasked my eidetic flashbacks again is that I seem to have a booming social life and I script future tumblr posts while hanging out w ppl and now that I know that at all times it's like. Oh I already said all this shit just in conversation w a group of ppl like a month ago so its cringe genuinely to post it online now. Tumblr is for faggots w no friends once more, a demographic of which I am not in

#k im drinking yhr last beer in the fridge see what that does to me. pussyboys life is good and i am burnt out and its just that irl i think.#shit im a normal adult in my mid 20s and its overwhelming the moment im posting to tumblr #i think a big part of it is that in the past like handful of years at least theres been like a lot of life i have lived which i have rarely #acknowledged outright online and now im working through gaslighting trauma and unrepressing so much of it and its like. i will be #disbelieved about half this shit on the basis i just havent been talking about it in an upfront manner for yrs now and then when thats a #risk potentially detrimental to my gaslighting trauma its easier to just know its the case and not talk about it at all #then the times i want to talk about it and its still That One i think it fosters further dissociative amnesia automatically so. its just #vague nonsense i continue trying to post abt life n hoping i dont misconstrue the meaning later on #did log

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queenofbraves · 8 months ago

Text

"Do you experience suicidal ideation?" Daily, I am constantly thinking about how much easier it would be to just die. I cried about it a few minutes before making this post. This also happens for one reason or another almost every day.

"Do you want to kill yourself?" No, there are a lot of people who care about me, to various degrees, and for various reasons. I do not want any of them to go through anything like that (again for some of them)

"Do you think it is worthwhile to be in a union?" Yes, unionizing and presenting your demands collectively is the only way to leverage power in a meaningful way against capitalists who would otherwise pay you almost nothing with no benefits.

"Do you enjoy being in a union?" No, I fucking hate almost everyone I've met during this. ALL of them, UNIVERSALLY, are extremely homophobic. There are exactly 2 people I've met and worked with I haven't heard call someone a faggot because they hate them. 2 more of the dudes I would otherwise regard as alright occasionally use it as their last resort for things they absolutely hate more than any other. This is without even touching upon the absolutely insane nationalism, and the absolutely sickening thought process of "well this company gave you a job, they pay for everything so you need to give them everything, all of your life." even within the union. Both are rampant.

"Does being transgender make you happy?" Yes, I love being a trans woman, I love other trans women, I can't wait to undergo further medical transition and hopefully one day feel pretty, and comfortable.

"Are you out?" Only online. Nobody knows about me irl. I get made fun of regularly for being fat and having boobs, saying that I should wear a sports bra. I dread the day I actually have to or otherwise change to the point it becomes unmistakeable because of how violent and cruel all the people I have met through school and work are. There is a transgender woman that works for a company that will be coming to our jobsite soon. The things that the workers and foremen have said about her make me sick. They refer to her as either "it" or "he" and they either react like she's a zoo animal, or target practice. I'm petrified to put myself out there to meet people who could be actual friends, and I don't even know how I would even fucking DO that, or a romantic partner because all I ever hear is about why freaks and faggots like me are ruining things for everyone else and should be killed, jailed, confined to a mental institution, or inflicted on other people as a punishment.

"What's your biggest issue, right now?" Well I think mentally, I'm just alone. I have no one I can trust or talk to in real life, as should be clear from my last couple of answers. I desperately want a friend, at least, and a place other than my jobsite or apartment i can go to. Physically, even with this union job, I am barely making enough to survive. I cannot afford new boots or tools. I had to ask my parents, who don't know anything about me, and have never EVER made me feel like I could trust them or be loved, for help a few weeks ago so i could make the insurance payment on my car. My engine is apparently leaking oil in like 3 places and I need to buy replacement parts. I have to pay for books for school as well, and while I'm trying to do it in parts on a credit card, I have no idea when I'll be able to pay it off. I feel like I'm drowning.

"Is there anything you like to do for fun?" Lots, I love games, I love anime, I keep discovering new ones I want to experience and recently a lot of them have been really good so it makes me really thankful. I usually spend one day of my weekend hanging out with a close friend and just watching movies or OVAs or something recently, and it's easily the brightest point in my life right now.

"Well how much do you do on your own?" Almost nothing, for a month now I've wanted to keep going on my first Dragon Quest game and finish it out. I feel like I got kind of close but I keep spiraling and spiraling and for like a week or two now I can barely manage to play phone games with a video on in the background. I haven't watched any anime on my own in a year because I want to watch Cutie Honey F, but the only way I can is from a download on my computer because the subs are all messed up everywhere. Reading is even harder than a game, and I haven't read a book since last year.

"Have you had any luck talking to people here?" Yes and no, earlier this year I started talking to a bunch of new people out of nowhere on here and most of them liked me one way or another. However that number has kept dwindling and dwindling and now only a few text me and none want to sext or anything anymore. One or two just had their fun with me once and vanished but most were talking for a week or two and then just gradually faded away. It makes me feel like I'm just, hard to enjoy talking to or be around, and while I can be kind of hot or interesting or whatever its more luck than anything. On top of that, one of the people who was still talking to me got targeted by a transphobe and got axed by tumblr like 4 times in a row. I think they might have IP banned it. I miss it. For various reasons, it's made me feel ugly, annoying, broken, pathetic, and boring in equal measures over the course of the last 3 months. I'm haunted by 2 comments specifically, one of which was that I'm too nice to be a domme haha. I have no experience so they might be right and that kills me.

This is really long post and I'm kind of sorry for subjecting you to it but also I'm suffering so much and I need t o let it out. if you ever want to talk about games or anime or you think we might have a little chemistry please reach out. I do sometimes as well but its usually when I'm kinda at the peak of my confidence and right now im at at the crater so I dunno how long it'll be until that happens again.

My life is honestly so fucking stupid

#long post #personal

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molsno · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 9,787 times in 2022

That's 1,338 more posts than 2021!

670 posts created (7%)

9,117 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mossheartlesbian

@rapturebones

@vivi266

@bloodbornekart

I tagged 4,900 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#game queuebe - 2,163 posts

#txt - 333 posts

#otherside picnic - 163 posts

#video - 149 posts

#lycoris recoil - 131 posts

#me - 124 posts

#pokemon - 105 posts

#shokei shoujo - 102 posts

#gender envy - 99 posts

#homestuck - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#society doesnt want to view me as a woman or even a man so asserting that i am a woman no matter what people think is very radical actually

My Top Posts in 2022:

I think one of the more painful aspects of transmisogyny is thinking about how much of it is perpetuated in children's media. finding out about some male character in a kids show that wears a dress and makeup for comedic effect will never stop hurting, because you just know all the little trans girls watching that will internalize the idea that anyone with broad shoulders and a deep voice who partakes in femininity deserves to be an object of ridicule. you know that because the same thing happened to you 20 years ago, and you still find yourself worried when you go out in public that someone will scream at you for being a man in a dress and a danger to children. and it just makes you wonder if anything will ever really change

1,466 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

I think that the most annoying thing about the term "male socialization" being applied to transfems is that for most of us, we weren't actually socialized male. if any of us have "male traits", it's because we developed those as a survival mechanism.

I certainly would have liked to be a lot more feminine growing up, but when you're born with a penis, you're expected to be a perfect, shining beacon of masculinity every moment of your life. if you deviate from this standard by expressing any behaviors that are deemed even a little feminine, you will be severely punished. if you cross your legs with one knee over the other, or you sit down to pee, or you check your nails by straightening your fingers instead of curling them, or you watch disney channel at the age of 10, or you just simply exist, you're a pussy, you're a faggot. maybe your sister will mock you for being too girly, or maybe the guy at school who would one day become a cop threatens to rape you and settles for giving you a black eye instead.

like, are you surprised that some of us try to live up to masculinity in the years before coming out? it's either that, or continue facing an endless onslaught of transmisogyny until you can't take it anymore and either transition or kill yourself.

I wasn't socialized as male, I was socialized as a tranny. it's fucking insulting to have my "male upbringing" weaponized against me to dismiss my womanhood because I never had one. and guess what! the vast majority of the masculine behaviors I picked up as a survival mechanism evaporated almost immediately after I came out as trans and realized I no longer needed to make use of them for my own safety.

stop falling for the myth of male socialization.

1,526 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

if I learn that a transfem person has a kink that I'm not into, even if I think it's gross or uncomfortable, I'm just gonna mind my own business and assume they only want to engage in that kink with fellow consenting adults. rip everyone else but I would simply not cast baseless sexual menace on a transfem

3,038 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

What I believe is happening in the case of coming across a public expression of sexuality, or a trans woman in a dress, or someone wearing a BDSM collar, or a woman in a short skirt is that these things will strike some people as inherently "sexual" in ways that other things (such as topless men and wedding rings) do not. And things that strike us as "sexual" may evoke sexual stigma in our minds. And this experience of sexual stigma - which can act indirectly and from a distance, as we've all seen with fears of "contagiousness" - can make us feel as if we are being "nonconsensually" implicated in a "sexual" activity, even though no boundaries have actually been breached, and the supposed act may not even be sexual for the other party. Such overreaches are worrisome, not only because they further marginalize those who are already unfairly "marked by sex" in our culture, but also because they can dilute or weaken legitimate claims of nonconsent in cases where actual sexual violence has been perpetrated.

- Julia Serano, Sexed Up: How Society Sexualizes Us, and How We Can Fight Back

11,020 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

logging on to www.girldick.cum

12,143 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #damn I posted some bangers this year

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aurorawest · 4 years ago

Note

⭐️ ooooh! can you please give a "director's commentary" on chapter 2 from "Foundations" where Loki and Thor are in a pub and get confronted by these two awful guys??

Yeah! Gosh it feels like a long time ago that I wrote Foundations!

Some general commentary about this fic - one of my struggles with writing Loki was how to get into his head and make sense of the fact that in Thor 1, we have that deleted scene where he tells Thor that he loves him, and to never doubt it. Obviously that scene was cut, but Loki’s entire arc really does bear out that he loves Thor, so I really needed to find a way to reconcile, “Never doubt that I love you,” with Loki’s douchebaggery in Thor 1. So that really was the impetus for this fic - what are some things that have happened between them that could lead to Loki’s love for Thor never wavering, but would also convince him that keeping Thor from the throne was a good thing, so good that he should resort to fairly extreme measures to achieve it? I wrote this fic a bit out of order—chapter 3 came first, then 1, 2, and I wrote 4 and 5 more or less simultaneously.

The men watching him didn’t seem like a concern anymore, either. They were the princes of Asgard. Who would dare attack them?

“Drinking by yourselves, princelings?” a voice said from above them suddenly.

So in chapter 2, I wanted to show Thor’s hot-headedness, and I wanted it to involve Loki, because I wanted to show a conflict between Loki loving Thor for looking out for him...but also hating Thor for looking out for him.

Spoken too soon. Loki’s head snapped around much faster than Thor’s did. It was the two men who had been watching him. Surprise.

With a smile that he hoped was charming, rather than sloppy, Loki said, “Well, I wouldn’t say we’re alone.” Wait, was that supposed to be clever? The drink was getting to him. The drink had gotten to him.

Thor scooted his chair over and slung an arm around Loki’s shoulders. “Only because we haven’t found company yet!” he thundered. Loki tried to slither out from under his arm but Thor’s fingers clamped around his shoulder, so he resigned himself to his brother’s drunken clutches. “Join us, friends. And well met on this beautiful evening!”

I tried to mimic the dialogue patterns of Thor 1 and TDW for this fic much more than I typically do. Since most of my fic takes place post-Ragnarok, and I really love the tone of Ragnarok, I draw a lot of my style and tone from that. But I wanted to give this fic a feeling of being set in the past, long before Loki and Thor encounter 21st century humans.

[...] The men looked at each other and Loki felt another twist of uneasiness. One of them, his hair a fiery ginger that Loki couldn’t help letting his eyes linger on,

This is a very subtle (like so subtle that I’m sure literally everyone missed it) reference to Theo Bell in the novel Loki: Where Mischief Lies, who’s a redhead. I have a head canon that Loki has a thing for redheads.

elbowed the other, who was brawnier and uglier, with a nose that looked like it had been flattened by someone else’s fists on more than one occasion.

Could I have just said his nose had been broken? Probably. I still kind of like the way I worded this.

“Perhaps if it was just you here, Your Highness,” the uglier one said. Loki stiffened, but Thor didn’t react. Either he didn’t get it or didn’t care. But Loki wasn’t so far gone in drink that he didn’t understand, nor did he miss the way the redhead’s eyes narrowed at him. It sparked a flash of irritation in him—he was the prince, they had no right to look at him that way. But he looked down at the table, a habit honed in court, where it was easier to bow his head and dig his nails into his palms rather than argue with Father.

Loki digging his nails into his palms hard enough to draw blood has become one of his tics, the more I’ve written of him. This...may have been the first time I referenced it?

With a chuckle, Thor said, “It is just us here.”

The man laughed too. It was much less nice than Thor’s dumb, likable laugh. “Aye, Prince. You and your greasy brother.”

Head canon: Loki’s hair looks greasy because he hates its natural curl and he dumps product on it. He would rather it looked bad in any other way than be curly.

The smile fell off Thor’s face and he removed his arm from Loki’s shoulders. “What?” he said, suddenly sounding far less drunk.

“It’s not the grease we mind,” the redhead piped up.

Loki raised his head, sensing danger. It was best not to be looking at your lap when you knew it was coming. His daggers were a comforting weight on his forearms, but Thor hadn’t brought a weapon tonight. Why would he? Loki went out into the city by himself all the time, and he never had any trouble. And if one of them was going to have trouble, it would certainly be Loki—less trusted, less loved. Too pale, too quiet. Unnatural.

Loki is definitely an unreliable narrator here. He sees hatred and distrust everywhere he looks. There’s obviously an element of truth to that (as we’re about to see), but on the other hand, he’s been drinking at this pub for ages with no trouble. He knows the bartender. Loki’s mind really prioritizes negative experiences (I guess most people do but Loki, anxiety and depression ridden Loki, really does).

“No, not at all,” the man said. “Who hasn’t skipped a bath now and then? No, the thing is, we don’t drink with faggots.”

I remember after I posted this fic, I went back a few days later and added the tag ‘period typical homophobia’ because of this line.

The room didn’t actually fall silent, but it might as well have. There was a loud ringing, and it took Loki a second to realize it was in his own ears. His chest felt like something heavy, like the hammer Mjølnir that was kept in the weapons vault, was compressing it to nothing, and he was fairly sure that his heart had stopped beating.

Thor hasn’t been given Mjolnir yet.

The man’s grin was practically ghoulish. “Probably thinks no one sees him going into that whorehouse, the one where they keep the lads—”

I purposefully left it vague whether this is true. But since this is the director’s commentary, I can tell you - it’s true! Loki does frequent a brothel with male employees. He actually has sort of a long term relationship with one. The guy is in love with Loki. Loki is...not. There comes a point where the guy confesses his feelings to Loki. Loki never comes back after that. Later, on The Statesman after Ragnarok, Loki finds out the guy was killed in Hela’s purge. He feels pretty awful.

The scrape of Thor’s chair on the wood floor was deafening. [...] “That,” he said in a dangerous voice, “was not a very nice thing to say.”

Kind of an understatement, Thor.

The redhead took a step back. The ugly one, who’d just aired Loki’s—dirty laundry? Skeletons?—didn’t. He was mixing metaphors. This was something he’d preferred to think of as simply a thing that he just didn’t talk about, but now that it had been announced to a roomful of people, it seemed like something he should have been much more ashamed of. Surely people didn’t stare like that otherwise.

Loki is...not exactly uncomfortable with the fact that he’s attracted to men. He knows, or thinks, that it’s outside the norm, but he doesn’t think that he’s doing something wrong. I have a reference in some fic...somewhere...I can’t remember which one, about how Asgardians live such a long time that most of them will try having sex with someone of the same-sex, even if they don’t really think they’re attracted to people of the same sex. It might be in one of my fics for the Loki Rarepair Bang? Anyway, later, Loki will come to understand that. At this point, he’s still kind of like...I don’t know anyone else who likes this. I was really trying to walk a line between him being ashamed and him knowing, deep down, there was nothing wrong with him.

Then again, they may have been staring because of the look on Thor’s face. “Apologize to my brother,” Thor said.

The man looked at Loki and grinned. Loki folded his wrists inwards and fingered the hilts of his daggers, but he said in a low tone, “Thor, it’s fine.”

[...] “Best listen to your brother,” the man said with a leer. “Or maybe I should say ‘sister.’”

Personally, Loki didn’t find this insulting,

Probably because it’s a terrible insult.

but Thor clearly did.

Loki isn’t entirely comfortable with this fact. Thor sends mixed signals. He doesn’t have a problem with anything about Loki, and yet, he still gets mad about an insult like this. Obviously, it’s meant as an insult, which is why Thor gets angry - it’s not the content so much as the fact that these assholes are attacking Loki.

[...] Loki knew that a normal Asgardian should be offended by all of this. The disrespect, if not the accusation itself. [...]

But all Loki could see were repercussions spidering out from this moment, repercussions from getting angry, from standing up for himself, for fighting back. An Asgardian was supposed to fight back. But Loki knew that he couldn’t win either way. If he fought back, his father would say he should have calmed the situation. If he didn’t, everyone would think he was weak. And in any case, the fact that there’d been a confrontation in the first place would be blamed on him.

At the heart of a lot of Loki’s issues is this idea that he can’t do anything right. He knows what he would naturally do, but knows it’s not acceptable. He knows what he “should” do, but he also doesn’t think that’s acceptable. He feels caught in this impossible place where it’s literally impossible to win the approval of his father...which is the one thing he wants.

[...] In a blur, Thor’s fist swung out, connecting with the man’s face with a wet crack of bone and cartilage. The man dropped like a stone, but when he hit the ground he tried to roll away. His red-headed friend stepped forward, bringing a fist up.

I remember really, really not wanting to write a fight scene here, haha.

In a second, Loki was on his feet, holding out a hand that was suddenly grasping a dagger. The redhead jolted to a stop as Loki extended it so the point rested inches from the tip of the other man’s nose. With an icy smile, Loki said, “I wouldn’t.”

I very much love writing Loki wielding his knives.

The redhead’s face twisted in a snarl, but he lowered his hands to his sides. There was that taken care of, at least.

Thor kicked the other man out from the table he was trying to crawl underneath, grabbing him by one of the pauldrons on his shoulders and hauling him to his feet. The man took a wild swing at Thor and missed. In return, Thor head-butted him, smashing his already ruined nose to an unrecognizable, bloody pulp. Then he slammed the man down on the table, one hand around his neck. The tabletop splintered and bowed with the force of the blow. Their ales splattered everywhere.

“Thor,” Loki said warningly. “That’s enough. He’s an idiot—let him go.” But Thor was too far gone. The rage of battle, he liked to call it. Loki preferred to think of it as dumb, animal bloodlust. The man’s face was turning red while he wheezed, and his attempts to hit Thor were growing weaker.

“Thor.” Loki took a chance, lowered his dagger, and stepped forward. He wrapped a hand around his brother’s shoulder and pulled him back, though of course his strength was no match for Thor’s. If Thor wanted to kill this man, he could, and Loki would be powerless to stop him with mere strength. Sorcery, yes. But that was what had gotten them into this in the first place. And besides, Loki didn’t think Thor would thank him for magicking him. “Stop. It’s not worth it.” Thor bared his teeth and squeezed his fist tighter around the man’s neck. The man’s eyes popped and his wheezing became a thin whistle, then the absence of anything in his gaping mouth as Thor cut off his air supply.

For a moment, Loki studied the man. He’d thought—he’d assumed—that he would feel a bolt of horror, of a desperate need to stop this so a life could be spared. But as he looked down and searched for that feeling, he just found a cold emptiness. What did he care if this man died?

I believe that Loki is a deeply sensitive person, who cares and loves with absolute abandon...if you make it to the very inner reaches of his heart. Otherwise, he probably doesn’t give a shit about you. I want to show that here, that Loki has this very cold-blooded side. It’s not that he likes killing people or inflicting pain, but it doesn’t bother him.

What he cared about was not causing more trouble than had already been caused. About making sure Thor didn’t do something rash and stupid. And about not getting the blame himself for something that he hadn’t started, because for his whole life, people had been ready to believe the worst of him.

Here’s some set-up for Loki’s eventual scheme to prevent Thor from taking the throne. Loki knows Thor acts without thinking. Here, he wants to stop it. Later, he’ll use it against Thor. Here, Loki is very much fighting against people’s perception of him. He wants to be loved. This flips for him later, where he embraces what (he thinks) people think of him and really tries to become the villain. It’s not a natural fit on him.

“Brother, please,” Loki hissed. “Stop. Think.”

This is an intentional echo of Loki’s dialogue to Thor on Jotunheim in Thor 1.

And why should this work now, when it rarely did? But Loki felt the tenseness go out of Thor’s shoulder, and after a second, he released his hold on the man, pushing him away. The force of the push slid the man across the table and headfirst onto the floor, but he was moaning, so clearly he wasn’t dead.

For the first time, Loki glanced around the alehouse. If there hadn’t been silence before, there certainly was now. Everyone in the place was staring, and not in a friendly way. The look in Birger’s eyes was unmistakable.

I used the name Birger for the bartender because I figured I wouldn’t want to use it for a more important character.

[...] He [...] smiled as though nothing was wrong, met Thor’s eyes, and walked to the door. Spine straight, shoulders back, the half-smile on his face that he wore when he didn’t want anyone to know how much he was breaking inside.

Loki is a practiced actor. There’s far more going on inside his head than he’ll ever let on.

He didn’t even know why this, of all things, should crack one more piece of him. Certainly, it wasn’t the idea of gossip about him. There was already gossip about the fact that he liked men as well as women. Mother already knew, anyway. She’d sat him down one day, several months after she’d noticed his eyes following not just some of the attractive serving girls, but also boys, and had the excruciatingly awful Talk with him that he was sure Thor had gotten from their father, not from her. “You know to take precautions to prevent disease, not just pregnancy?” she’d asked, and he’d managed to stammer, his face bright red and burning, “Yes, Mother, of course.” Honestly he hadn’t thought much about it, but the only thing that could have made that moment worse was admitting ignorance.

“Will you be my fester-man?” has Loki remembering talking about his attraction to men with Odin, and how absolutely mortifying it was. Odin’s side of this talk is telling Loki that whoever he wants to sleep with is fine, but he needs to marry a woman and produce an heir.

But Thor was here to witness this, and maybe that was what made it seem so awful. Thor, who meant the world to him, but whom he worried saw him as lesser. Lesser than his friends, the Warriors Three and the Lady Sif, lesser than every other Asgardian. Lesser than Thor himself. Why wouldn’t he see Loki as lesser, when Thor was going to be king? When despite this display tonight, he’d receive no more punishment than a stern talking-to from Father?

Loki had kept his cool, Loki had defused the situation—they were walking away from this with everyone alive because of him. And yet he was the one who everyone would see as the one who hadn’t done things quite right, while Thor, who’d nearly killed a man out of anger, would have his actions waved away. Loki’s circumspection was a flaw, while Thor’s hot-headedness was a virtue. Loki would never hold the throne because he wasn’t Asgardian enough, and Thor was too Asgardian for his own good.

Really the core of this section and Loki’s bitterness—Loki can do nothing right, and Thor can do no wrong. Loki sees his outsider status as both a flaw, but also as an advantage. He does feel he did the right thing in this situation, but he knows no one else will feel that way. Thor’s reaction was maybe not good, but it’s what everyone would expect.

It wasn’t that Loki didn’t appreciate that his brother had almost killed a man to protect him. It was just, he didn’t need to be protected, and he could see the outcome of this writ large as though it was scrawled across the front of the palace. It made him want to scream. It made him hate Thor with such a scalding fierceness that it scared him. He couldn’t hate Thor. But nothing was fair, and Thor never did anything about it.

He hates Thor. He loves Thor. One thing this fic really taught me about Loki was how he lives with cognitive dissonance every moment of every day. He holds these massive contradictory feelings inside him and they just sit next to each other, totally irreconcilable.

The two of them walked the dark streets of Asgard in silence, Thor’s heavy breathing quieting the farther they got from the alehouse. [...] “I suppose you want to know if what they said is true,” he said, staring straight ahead into the dark. His eyes found the palace, shining golden in the distance.

Thor made a noise. In his periphery, Loki saw his brother look towards him. “I know it’s true,” Thor said. “I mean, maybe not the part about the…um, establishment, but you liking men, I already knew that.”

Swallowing, Loki said, “And?”

“And what?”

Loki stopped walking and it took Thor a couple steps to realize it. As Thor turned back to him, Loki asked, “And… [...] Do you care?”

[...] “Why would I care?” Thor asked. And then, “Did you think I would care?”

“I…” Loki hugged his arms over his chest until he realized it looked childish, like he had something to hide, something to be ashamed of. Dropping his arms to his side, he said, “They cared in there.”

Thor snorted and shook his head. “They were fools. I’ve never known you to put any stock in the opinions of fools, brother.”

“So you don’t,” Loki pressed. It seemed of the utmost importance that Thor actually say these words. Loki needed him to prove it, not with his fists, but on Loki’s territory, by saying it. Out loud. Unequivocally. Plainly.

Loki needs to be told things verbally. He needs people to tell him, straight up, ‘I love you.’ ‘You’re worthy.’ Etc. Which I think is why Odin’s ‘No, Loki,’ is so devastating to Loki. Loki places so much important on words and doesn’t really look at people’s actions (Thor, incidentally, is the opposite).

Shaking his head, still looking befuddled, Thor said, “No. There’s nothing to care about.” Then he paused and took a step closer. Reaching out to put a hand to the back of Loki’s neck, he said, “Loki. Even if there was, you’re my brother. And I still wouldn’t care.”

I remember really wanting to get this right. I think when I first wrote this line, I had Thor say, “You’re my brother; of course I don’t care.” But I wanted Thor to just...not care. It doesn’t really have anything to do with Loki, Thor just isn’t a bigot. But I also wanted the sense of like, even if he did care, the fact that it’s Loki would make him rethink this.

Loki wanted to hug him. But that vein of resentment was still there and it stopped him. Instead, he swallowed hard and just stood there for a moment, Thor’s hand cupping the back of his head while he felt something inside him splintering.

And for the first time, he identified it. It was the feeling of his jealousy and love butting up against each other, two immovable forces that wouldn’t yield to the other. With a flash of insight that felt more like seeing into the future, like a faint hint of his mother’s witchcraft (none of which had been passed down to him), he realized this battle was going to shape his life.

He’s right.

And right then, he wasn’t sure love would win.

Nooooo Loki, it will!

“Loki?” Thor said, sounding unsure.

He forced himself to smile, and as he met Thor’s eyes, the resentment receded. Reaching up, he wrapped a hand around Thor’s forearm and said, “Thank you.” There was more to say, but it was beyond him. It was too much.

“Nothing to thank me for,” Thor said, sounding relieved. Then, he ruffled Loki’s hair, which he knew Loki hated. But this old, familiar argument was safe, and they retreated to it as they continued their walk back to the palace. Loki smoothed his hair down and wished he could do the same with the cracks in his life. Something felt changed, and it was frightening, and he felt in his bones that there was no going back to safety, no matter how much he might try.

Safety is an incredibly important feeling to Loki. I return again and again to it in my fics. There are certain people that make him feel safe, and these are the people he loves above all others. You can count them on one hand: Thor. Frigga. Stephen Strange. There’s an element of physical safety to this, but mostly it’s emotional safety. There are people who will let him be who he is, and he’ll do anything for them because of it.

Thank you so much for asking!! It was really fun to return to this fic.

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

#Anonymous #loki #thor #brodinsons

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drkoestersmithrpg · 5 years ago

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AUG DONE YAY!!! I’ll Post Tuesday Probably

“Don’t worry about it kid. Just ignore him. He’ll get over you and we can all get back to normal.”

War Machine’s advice was not in the least bit helpful for the youngest Avenger on the compound who had become, and rightly so, more than a little alarmed by Mr. Stark’s behavior.

It seemed like ever since the Avengers had encountered real aliens from space, the so-called Guardians of the Galaxy, and learned about various planets, each with their own threats, and the threat of some Over-Alien that was setting out on a mission to massacre half of the universe, well, Tony had gotten weird.

(Or maybe Tony had always been weird and Peter had never noticed before?)

No, actually, many Avengers had noticed it too. Tony’s inappropriate humor had always been a feature, not a bug, but recently it had been dialed up to 11. 11? Try 69. It wasn’t just that he was calling Peter “Underoos” again. It was more. Innuendos when people asked for facts. Dirty jokes when people asked for opinions. Double-entendres about the must mundane topics, to the point where no one could even ask ‘where are we going for dinner?’

And all of them, every single one of them, seemed to be of the homosexual variety.

To the point that Peter was beginning to fear that his hero, his idol and his fantasy-mentor (and his real life mentor for years now) was actually a homophobe.

“A homophobe? THE Tony Stark?? Nah kid, Tony is an unabashed Trisexual. He’ll try anything….and he never made any bones about it….”

Both of them winced, both of them turned to look even though they knew Tony wasn’t in the room. You couldn’t say the word ‘bones’ around Tony anymore, or any vaguely sexual word, including the word ‘it.’ That’s how bad it had gotten.

“Wait…..wait……are you saying….Tony is Bi?” Peter asked, trying to look surprised. Trying not to look overeager. Trying not to look like a kid who had actually recently gotten some information and was desperate to confirm it. Trying not to look like he had cornered Rhodey in an empty conference room just to ask this question.

“No,” said Rhodey.

Peter’s shoulders sagged.

“He’s a hedonist. Don’t worry about it kid. Just ignore him. He’ll get over you and we can all get back to normal,” Rhodey said dismissively, walking away, leaving Peter red-faced and gaping.

“Over me?”

“Over me??”

“When was I under him?”

* * * *

There were many theories about Tony’s new behavior, but Peter couldn’t find any that agreed with Rhodey….that it had something to do with him.

Fury blamed the Avengers state-of-readiness for over a year that resulted in absolutely nothing, no visit from the Ultimate Badguy bent on destroying half of Earth. Stress made people cranky, seemed to be his theory, and Tony’s new tourette syndrome was just a symptom of that stress.

Bruce (not a common feature around the compound for the last year but very good for information when he was around) pointed out that Tony didn’t like crowds unless they were cheering for him. “He doesn’t actually work well with others, he forces himself to work with others, thus all the grants and outsourcing, but it’s a lot of effort. If he can’t got for 3 minutes without making a dirty joke, maybe he just needs to go back into hiding for a while. We’re all hermits, after a fashion.” Peter hoped desperately that wasn’t true (he didn’t WANT Tony to go into hiding) but he certainly took Bruce’s perspective seriously. He knew a lot about Tony. And a lot about hermits.

Black Widow would probably have the best explanation for Tony’s odd behavior. Analyzing human behavior was her job. But Nat wasn’t talking.

So Peter soldiered on. He was the only Avenger who went to training and attended meetings in full costume, mask on at all times. The story was it was to protect his secret identity. The truth was, the mask covered all facial expressions. Tony’s obscenities, no matter how constant, still took him by surprise. Under the mask, no one could see him blush.

Because truth be told, so many of those inappropriate jokes seemed to be aimed at him.

Most Avengers seemed to agree that the new Rated R version of Tony Stark corresponded with the visit from the storied Guardians of the Galaxy.

But in Peter’s mind, it also seemed to start the same day he turned 20 years old, and bragged, in Tony’s hearing, that he had celebrated with a special party in Boystown.

He had done it very much on purpose – it had been part of his plan.

Only the results were not….good. Almost overnight Tony was x y and z. [every bad guy needed a good fucking, every x ato to they y, every complaint from Peter indicated he needed to get laid. Tony had always joked about everything, but now the jokes were not only gay-related, they were downright hostile. Peter had never heard the word ‘faggot’ on the Avenger’s compound before (the entire compound, Avengers and military alike, knew Caps’ “Language” rule) and he heard it out of Tony’s mouth that very night. It was Peter’s birthday dinner in one of the compound’s dining rooms where Tony had asked for a ‘real drink for me, not some faggoty ass waterdawon drink. We’ll save that for Pete.”

(That was the day Peter realized his life would be better if he just kept the mask on at all times.)

Finally, after a great deal of soul-searching about his Get Tony Stark Into Bed plan and weather or not he even to be in the same room with that man, he cornered Nat and Rhodey (the two people he considered the best informed) and demanded answers.

“Kid…you’re smart. Don’t let him rile you up.” That was Rhodey, who seemed a little hostile himself. He clearly did not want to be having this conversation.

“But that’s what I don’t get….why is this about me?”

Rhodey and Nat exchanged a look.

Then Nat looked at him, and seemed to make a decision.

“Parker, you announced you were gay, sexually active and legally of age all in the same sentence.”

Peter wished, for a moment, he still had his mask on. Apparently he hadn’t been as subtle that night as he had thought.

“So….wait…..are you saying this is him….flirting with …..me?”

Nat shrugged. “Little girls get their ponytails pulled by boys who have crushes on them every day. They learned to live with it.”

“No they don’t” Peter countered. “My friend MJ had her hair pulled by a boy in 3rd grade who said he like liked her and he got sent to counseling.”

Rhodey rolled his eyes and said murmured something about Millennials.

“Gen Z,” Peter pointed out, raising a hand.

“Exactly – Gen X jokes are going to sound wrong to Gen Z ears…..”

“Wrong? Half of what comes out of his mouth could be considered sexual harassment in 50 states!”

“Parker!” That was Rhodey again. “I’ve seen these hyperfixations before. They go away. Aren’t you supposed to be intelligent? Be intelligent. DON’T fall for him, DON’T let him talk you into bed. Just wait for it to pass over.”

“Let him….talk me into……”

“Kid, don’t do it.” That was Nat. “If Pepper Potts couldn’t tame that mess no one can.”

Nat gave a nod to Rhodey, who took it as a cue to exit, leaving the two of them alone together.

“Look,” she said gently. “No one will tell you to your face, but we’re all looking forward to when you leave for school again. Tony will tone it down after you leave. And if you stay away long enough, he’ll just get over you.

“I can see what you’re thinking, Peter, and you don’t want to do this. Tony has always been a comedian. This is just a new routine. You think if you let him talk you into bed, this will get any easier for you? You’re Gen Z, you talk about your feelings. Tony just talks in one-liners.

“It’s hard work dating a comedian, kid.

“It can’t end well.”

* * * *

Tired of walking around with a mask on daily, and lonely for his friends (who knew the difference between flirting and Hostile Work Environment) Peter took Nat’s advice and left early. Back in New York he spent his weeks before the semester began researching the psychology of humor, and the sociological limitations of being gay in the 80’s. It was eye-opening. Also appalling.

But the psychology of humor was very interesting – Peter read that when a group, any group, laughed together, the individuals would indistinctly glance at the person they felt connected with. The article suggested reading room to ‘learn who is secretly sleeping together’ but in general the article dealt with office culture and social hierarchies. Still, the tidbit was confusing.

Every time the group laughed together, Tony always seemed to be glancing at him.

But the longer he spent away from Tony the more the offensive jokes faded in his memory and the more he remembered just how bad his crush on the man had become (and exactly how far he was into his detailed plan to get into Tony’s pants.)

He wasn’t expecting to actually run into the actual man in New York any time soon, but within a week he did. The Avenger Parties at Stark Tower seemed to becoming more frequent, it seemed to Peter. At least this was the 2nd one in 2 months. Peter wondered vaguely if it was a ploy to make him hang with the Avengers with his face showing – he was invited to attended these things in suit as “Mr. Stark’s intern.”

Walking into the party he felt, very suddenly, unarmed (more specifically, unarmored.) He had relied so much on his mask to hide his face whenever Tony was inappropriate.

That’s why he silently determined to just avoid Tony altogether.

Chapter 2

Tony stiffed at the sight of Peter holding a glass of wine. It didn’t matter how many times he reminded himself (or Peter) that Peter was now of age. It still struck him as wrong.

But not as wrong as Bruce’s arm around Peter’s shoulders.

He had already passed them once, talking a mile-a-minute with Bruce and Dr. Cho about the tech behind the cradle. He couldn’t begrudge Bruce and Peter their shop talk (although the double twinges of jealousy took him by complete surprise. He and Bruce had been so long ago, it seems.)

Mostly, he was just irritated that the kid seemed to be avoiding him.

But now – oh this definitely was not right.

He couldn’t be caught staring, so he made his rounds, taking in furtive glances at the two across the room. He must have been mistaken about the arm, Peter and Bruce and some other tech guys were just talking now, and it looked perfectly normal.

Then he lost sight of them.

Then he caught them again, standing by the window alone.

They weren’t talking shop, that was certain. Bruce had his arm on Peter’s back, was leaning over, was speaking directly into his ear. Acceptable in a crowded room, but they were far away enough from the crowd to make Tony see red.

Especially when Peter grinned, ducked his head, then turned and said something into Bruce’s ear.

What Bruce said next made Peter laugh and cover his face, and that’s when Nat appeared in front of him and said “Don’t be jealous.

“They’re talking about you.”

She turned her head to ignore his gape. She pretended to scan the room as she spoke. “Not that I care, Tony, but if you really want to hook up with a Gen Z you are going to have to clean up your act. Reinstate Steve’s “language” rule. Poor kid thinks you’re a homophobe.

“What…..me?”

He respected Nat’s intelligence, so when she looked at him that way, he took it seriously.

“New generation, Tony. They don’t care what you DID 20 years ago, all they care about is what you’re doing now, and what you’re doing now is recycling gay jokes from the 80’s. He honestly thought you were mad at him.

“Just…go…flirt with him like a normal person. Take him on date. He’s into you – he’s quizzed everyone who knows you about your sex life.”

* * * * *

Peter left the party grinning from ear to ear.

Even though he never actually spoke to Tony that night. The man disappeared from his own party, but no one thought that was particularly unusual. Nat, at least, seemed to think that way. She gave him a warning look when he asked after the man, but when she spoke, she was gentle.

“Consider the perils of dating a comedian, Peter.”

“Yeah you told me that.”

“The Millennials way is to exchange facts about emotions. Comedians just exchange one-liners.”

“I’ll take that under advisement,” Peter said, but he couldn’t help but smile.

He went downstairs to the car Tony had waiting for him, smiling all the way.

He had found out a LOT from Bruce that night, information he needed, information he intended to use.

But that wasn’t the best part.

“Consider the perils of dating a comedian” he said to himself as he raced down the stairwell to the garage.

The litany of inappropriate humor wasn’t an attack or a slight, it was a sign of interest. He could identify the intent, while simply ignoring the actual language. He didn’t have to speak Tony’s language, he just had to understand it.

“Consider the perils of dating a comedian” he whispered to himself when Tony’s driver took him home.

“Consider the perils of dating a comedian” he murmured to himself as he lay on his bed in his dormroom that night.

He went to bed with a smile on his face.

Because all he could think was…

………… “I’ve got a chance to date Tony Stark.”

#The Perils Of Dating Tony Stark

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hufflepoof-badger167 · 6 years ago

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Coming Out Experiences

So I recently started talking about my coming out experiences with one of my mates and I thought I might put them on here too for the hell of it, I guess it’s to share the reality of what being queer and nonbinary is because from experience it’s not something most people know much about.

I came out to my sister as a lesbian first, she’s a year younger than me and we share a room, and she said “me too” but we didn’t tell anyone else for a while

I came out to my brother and parents not long after, and my sister came out at the same time. My brother threatened to punch anyone who gave us any trouble, and my parents said they didn’t have a problem with it as long as any relationships we had were safe and healthy

I came out to my closest friends a while later and all but one of them turned on me. The next year was hell but Ashleigh always stuck by me and didn’t let anyone talk shit about me to my face or behind my back. She’s straight but was alienated by association with me, but she never held it against me

Ashleigh was the first person I told when I realised I wasn’t female, she helped me experiment with different names and pronouns until I found the right ones (Lou and he/him)

When I came out to my mum as nb she helped research forums and support groups and how to legally change my name/gender and was incredibly supportive

Coming out to my dad was harder because he didn’t understand how I used to be female and am generally rather feline but now identify as nonbinary male and use male pronouns, but he tried and it took a while but he eventually understood

My brother is the only person who uses nonbinary pronouns with me, as he understands that I’d rather use they/them but it can be confusing. He helped my parents understand how nonbinaryness works when the conversations made me uncomfortable and has always been on my side

I eventually cut my (knee length) hair into a typically male style and that’s how I came out to my school and community. This was at the end of year 9 when I was about to turn 14 and I wasn’t prepared for the amount of negative backlash I then received

After my 14th birthday I went to Newcastle Pride, my first ever Pride event, with some people from my school’s LGBT+ club, I dyed my hair rainbow and got a black eye on my way home from the hairdresser, and had it at Pride which really put a dampener on the day

That summer I came out to my grandparents who I already knew were racist, homophobic, transphobic and generally massive dicks. I didn’t intend to come out to them but Gran said something about a future boyfriend and I corrected her (at that point I was only attracted to girls) they said to my face that it was fine but I overheard them saying later on that I was “wired up wrong” and that my mum, their daughter, had done s bad job raising me. I was staying with them on my own, 350 miles away from my parents and my friends and I had a week left of my visit so I was terrified. They were nice to my face but I knew what they really thought

When I came out to them as nb almost a year later they thought I was joking and kept trying to get me to see that I was wrong. I was on my own again, I don’t know why I went back alone but whatever, and I only came out to them because it was really damaging for my mental health to be misgendered so frequently. I didn’t feel safe and I had several panick attacks that night that Ashleigh had to talk me through over the phone. Grampa put me on the next train home the following day, but I haven’t told my parents why I came home early because I don’t want them to fall out with gran and grampa

When I was 14 I came out to my teachers and asked them to use my preferred name and pronouns and I was mortified every time I had to correct them, and all the stares I got

Around the same time, I started going over to Ash’s house. No one in her family knew that I’m nb and I didn’t yet feel comfortable outing myself to strangers, and I think Ash didn’t want to out me either. Her little brother who was 6 called me he at first but corrected to she pretty quickly and I felt terrible

I had to come out to my aunts and uncles and cousins then, I didn’t know how to do it so my dad phoned them before we were due to visit, they didn’t get it and constantly used my dead name and it was a nightmare

I told Ash’s parents that I was queer and nb when I was 15, and her mum, Sue, gave me the biggest hug of my life and took us all out for ice cream. She’s like a second mum to me and she treats me the way she treats Ash. She let me stay with them for half a week after my first breakup, she took me to buy my first pair of heels, she convinced me to go to prom in a suit and heels when I was too afraid, she always remembers my birthday and she helped me come out to her 7yr old and 2.5yr old sons and explain to them what nb is.

Coming out to those 2 kids is definitely an experience I’ll never forget, Alex, the eldest, asked me if it meant I’d be his husband instead of his wife when we’re grownups, and if he should call me his boyfriend or girlfriend or borlfriend/goylfriend(?). Sam, the younger one, told me that I was his “favourite big brother in the whole wide world!” and calls me “Enby” as a nickname (from nb meaning nonbinary) I love those kids so much and I honestly consider them my brothers despite only meeting them about 2 years ago. That was definitely my favourite coming out experience

At the beginning of yr11, when I was 15, I was put on the male register at school and the boys found out in PE and decided that they’d turn basketball into dodgeball/boxing and I left that lesson with a concussion, a spinal injury and bruised ribs. Then one of the boys claimed “that tranny faggot touched my dick” and everyone believed him. That was without a doubt the worst.

I’ve now legally changed my name and I’m in the process of changing my details in every system where they’re wrong. Now the nhs won’t invite me for cervical smears or breast screenings despite my binder and hormone therapy giving me a higher risk of breast cancer. I’m currently being tested/treated for early stage benign breast cancer and having a male title is screwing everything up results-wise

Also, how is it so difficult for schools, banks, hospitals etc to have a nonbinary or even custom gender option? So often I have to choose male or ‘mr’ instead of ‘mx’ and I don’t get why

Since then it’s mainly just having to come out to strangers and remind people who already know. It’s getting easier but it’s a constant struggle every day. I don’t really know why I’m posting this but what the hell right? It’s a lot longer than I meant it to be but never mind

#nonbinary #gayness #homophobia #coming out #personal

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foxghost · 7 years ago

Text

鎮魂 Guardian [Zhen Hun] extra 2 full translation

Warning(s): single use of a slur, lots of Buddhism, novel ending spoilers / explanation [TN: the other extras are here, you may want to check out #4 for notes on names.] Original Chinese character count: 3068 English Translation word count: 3058 Much thanks to @lady-eden for the final once-over.

A comparatively serious demon-raising incident affecting a certain city in the southern part of the country needed the attention of Chu Shuzhi. He takes Guo Changcheng with him. They spend nearly a whole month there before the incident can be considered perfectly resolved, and the two return to 4 Bright Road.

Guo Changcheng is still as unskilled as he ever was. There are times when everyone feels that Guo Changcheng and their office’s newest member, Xiao Mi, cannot be any more alike.

Oh right, forgot to mention: Xiao Mi is a one year and some old Samoyed dog with an outsized appetite and an undersized intelligence.

It started with a lost dog delivered to the neighbourhood police station, living there for over a month. Though the owner never came back to claim him, it did manage to eat everyone poor. After a few more twists and turns, Zhao Yunlan manages to gain possession of the dog and to keep it at 4 Bright Road in an attempt to divert Daqing’s gloominess on seeing Lao Li.

The whole day through Xiao Mi eats when it should eat, drinks when it should drink, doesn’t ever take anything to heart. Before Chu Shizhi left for the assignment, he spent more than a month with much effort teaching this dog the two tricks of ‘sit’ and ‘shake,’ only to discover it had discarded the only two skills it possessed on Java Island by the time he gets back. Other than to stare blankly with two giant innocent eyes and run around humping legs, its brain seems entirely empty and devoid of dog tricks.

[TN: “Java Island” is a way to say “not even on the map anymore” or “gone”]

In the way that so many skills seem unteachable to the both of them, it does look very much like Guo Changcheng and Xiao Mi belonged to the same family eight hundred years ago.

[TN: There’s a saying that people with the same last names are “五百年前是一家” / belonged to the same family 500 years ago. The number varies.]

But none of it takes away from how he’s in possession of a holy artefact.

The catastrophic rupturing of chaos decimated Difu, and Shen Wei near single-handedly sets up the new order. The sheep skin he wears covers him quite well and he rarely makes an appearance, nor does he meddle in the new administration’s affairs, but the new Difu, given a new lease on life by the wolf that is Shen Wei, dares not treat him with less than the respect he’s due. The Zhanhun-shi that all three realms yielded to now yields more power than ever, so naturally his habit of collecting the remnants of lone souls and wild ghosts passes without the merest notice, all to the advantage of Guo Changcheng’s little stun baton.

If one takes some time and considers that Guo Chancheng tends to turn into a trembling bald chicken whenever he runs into danger, how he always manages to turn fear into sheer power feels rather miraculous.

When Chu Shizhi returns to the office, he ignores all of his paperwork in favour of watching the stock market and studying the candlestick chart while wearing a grave expression, leaving Guo Changcheng to patiently post invoices and fill in expense reports. He goes to find Zhao Yunlan so he can sign the paperwork, but unexpectedly finds the opposite office door locked — Zhao Yunlan isn’t here.

Guo Changcheng scratches his head. He asks innocently, “Zhao Chu isn’t here?”

Zhu Hong doesn’t bother looking up from her computer. “Officially, our new office lease is finalized today and he’s gone to do final inspection and put his signature on things. He thought he may as well move today too — dammit, why is everything so slow? I sincerely hope the net is faster where we’re moving.”

Poor Xiao Mi’s being chased by a little cat all over the room, but Daqing brakes to a stop from his bullying when he hears this. The black cat raises his head to speak, “What about unofficially?”

With an odd tone carrying both longing and a distant ache, Zhu Hong says, “His man fucked him so hard he can’t get out of bed obviously.”

Not about to disappoint, Guo Changcheng is so shocked by these words he ends up sitting down crookedly, and the chair rolls away from beneath him, leaving him to crash solidly onto the floor.

Zhu Hong glances dismissively at Guo Changcheng, telegraphing what a fuss about nothing, and sucks her teeth at him. “Our leader is a faggot, what are you so surprised about — ai, is everyone’s net slow? This is so infuriating."

Chu Shuzhi comments, “It’s pretty slow.”

The one taking up all the bandwidth playing an online game is Lin Jing, and he keeps quiet through all of this pretending to be invisible. He doesn’t stay invisible for long though, and as quickly as he’s discovered, Zhu Hong beats him up.

As punishment, they disconnect Lin Jing’s computer from the network and he’s left to waste his time away by playing an offline game called Plant vs. Zombies.

… and that’s why it’s Chu Shuzhi’s turn to beat him up now.

[TN. a reminder: Chu is a Chinese zombie, which I suppose is like both a zombie and a vampire, by western standards.]

Head in his arms, Lin Jing drapes himself over his desk, tearily saying, “These days are so hard to get through.”

Chu Shuzhi orders, “I see you’re so devoid of work you have dan teng. Xiao Guo, don’t bother writing that report. Give it to someone who has nothing to do.”

[TN. 蛋疼 / dan teng, literally ‘egg pain’ is something like a headache, but it’s closer to the saying, ‘that makes my testicles hurt.’ You can use it in place of the word headache about things/people/situations that gives you a headache, BUT the word differs from a headache in that it is also used for boredom. So bored your testicles hurt. I have no idea where this came from but you don’t need to have testicles to say it. It’s also used in sentences like “that has dan teng to do with me” in which case it’s just a mildly crass way of saying ‘nothing.’]

Guo Ghangcheng looks over at Lin Jing, and finds him tearfully taking a selfie to capture his ‘as rain on pear blossoms’ look, and laughs, not unkindly. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll write it.”

Lin Jing, pooled on his desk, steals a glimpse of Guo Changcheng, and after a while, does it again.

Guo Changcheng is sitting there typing quietly, slow and meticulous the way he does everything, not a hair out of place. Lin Jing, watching him, finally can’t suppress his curiosity any longer, and with lightning speed he stands just to pluck a hair off Guo Changcheng’s head over his desk.

Guo Changcheng cries out in pain, looks bewilderingly up at him.

Lin Jin gives off a mischievous laugh. “It’s nothing. Just some research.”

“It’ll just give off the smell of burnt protein if you set it on fire,” Chu Shuzhi scoffs, not bothering to look up. “Hair is just a part of the mortal shell. Every reincarnation one gets a new shell. How could it have anything special to it? Your research is skin-deep.”

Lin Jing asks after a pregnant pause, “How did you know what it’d smell like if you set it on fire? Did you already try to burn it?”

Chu Shuzhi ignores him.

“What I still don’t understand,” Lin Jing says, playing with that one strand of Guo Changcheng’s hair, the humour vanishing from his face . “How could such a perfectly normal looking young man be … ai, Xiao Guo, do you think there is anything special about you? Something that’s different from other people?”

They’re not sure how, but everyone’s come to a tacit agreement to not mention anything regarding the Zhenhun Lamp in front of Guo Changcheng. Guo Changcheng stares back at Lin Jing blankly and doesn’t get what he’s saying at all. He shakes his head. “Oh, maybe I’m a bit dumber?”

Lin Jing says ,“But …” and pauses, his voice stopping suddenly.

Kunlun Jun has confirmed that Guo Changcheng is the Zhenhun Lamp’s wick. He’s lived a hundred lifetimes and underwent a hundred calamities and none of it altered his first intentions. The merit accumulated on his soul is a match to Nuwa who created humans, and yet heaven’s given him no blessings and no favours. He has no luck nor fortune; he toils in obscurity ignorant of what he is. Lin Jing’s words fade to silence as he realises he doesn’t want to tell Guo Changcheng about this at all, even if this young man, who lit the last Zhenhun Lamp, who can be said to have finally ended the war between chaos and order, is so extraordinary.

[TN. Merit = positive karma. Good, virtuous actions; every time you choose not to do harm, you gain merit.]

Without a third eye, yet he can always see the truth.

Great Merit, heaven-sent, and yet he remains a nobody.

“But what?” Guo Changcheng asks, puzzled.

“Nothing … I was just wondering how come the sceptre handed down by Kunlun Jun is called ‘Zhenhun-Ling,’” Lin Jing mutters, and he doesn’t wait for Guo Changcheng to figure out what he’s said before he asks, “Oh yeah, what do you do after work?”

[TN. 鎮魂令 zhen / subdue, hun / soul, ling / command]

Guo Changcheng lists off, “Oh, I have to make a delivery to Nana Li’s house, and the Southern Tibet Educational Support Group is working on their summer plans so I’m going there afterwards. I work on things like posters and brochures for them in the evenings.”

Lin Jing’s fingers count unconsciously through his prayer beads. “Hinayama the Lesser Vehicle said that the only person who can help you cross the great river is yourself, but after, Mahayana the Greater Vehicle spoke of ferrying all living things across to reach the shores of enlightenment — come to think of it, I’ve wondered this whole time: Xiao Guo, you’re so busy running around everyday. What do you do it all for?”

[TN. 度 / du literally means “to cross (a river)” and in Buddhism it means to “cross the river to the shores of enlightenment.” It carries the meaning of ‘saving’ or ‘salvation,’ and leads to an ‘escape’ from the Wheel of Reincarnation. What Lin Jing paraphrased is from the Lotus Sutra. 佛自住大乘，如其所得法，定慧力莊嚴，以此度眾生。]

Guo Changcheng says, “I don’t … don’t do it for anything. It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

“Then how do you decide for yourself what to do, and what not to do?” Zhu Hong cuts into the conversation.

Guo Changchen swallows, stretching out his neck like a goose freshly plucked out of the water; he has no idea why everyone suddenly seems interested in him. Maybe he’s seen too many dramas: being the centre of attention always makes Guo Changcheng feel as though he’s acquired a terminal illness, giving him the misconception that he’s not long for the world.

Subconsciously he begins to stammer.

“I, I just don’t do bad things, and occasionally, if there’s something I can help with then I help out. I don’t know anything about anything.” Guo Changcheng’s voice gets smaller and smaller as he speaks, until it naturally becomes as high and quiet as a mosquito.

“I’m suddenly reminded of a saying,” Chu Shuzhi, who’s kept quiet all this time, cuts in. “I saw it on a mural of an old tomb. Impossible to say which era it’s from, now. It said, ‘Men’s hearts harbour corruption, often suffer from worry, hold grudges from anger, commit countless crimes they ought not. Only the three words ‘do no harm’ is the greatest virtue under heaven, and of those who can benefit mankind and subdue souls, there is none other.’”

[TN. priest made this part up, it’s not in any sutras, The word here for 濟 / benefit also means “ferry,” which ties into the sutra Lin Jing quoted above.]

“Of those who can benefit mankind and subdue souls, there is none other…” These words seem to float halfway across Dragon City, from the elder Zhao … no, from Shennong-bo’s mouth. “Recently, I have been harbouring doubts.”

Zhao Yunlan sits lazily reclining by the window, crossing an ankle over one knee, looking outside. Dragon City University’s head office is within view; he has no idea if it’s because exams are near, but Shen Wei is surrounded by students asking him questions as soon as he’s finished class. Zhao Yunlan follows him with eyes carrying a hint of a smile, and spares very little attention he has left to ask, “Hmm, like what?”

“The divine wood plaque Shansheng left behind — why is it called the Zhenhun-Ling?”

[TN. Shennong-bo always uses the more polite form of ‘you’ when addressing Kunlun. 您/nin instead of 你/ni. He also refers to Kunlun as 山聖/Shansheng, which in this configuration means ‘sacred mountain,’ btw, this is not a real world title, no god is referred to by it, priest made it up afaik. From Shennong-bo’s mouth, it’s just another way to say ‘you.’ I’ll use the pinyin when it’s a name/title, and a translation when it’s a common noun.]

Zhao Yunlan sweeps over a glance. “What do you think?”

Shennong-bo stops to think, then carefully choosing his words, says, “I have heard that there are only two kinds of people who are unafraid of death. One who is carrying out the true wish of his heart, blames on one, has no regrets. The other, one who knows exactly what is on the other side of death. In these five thousand years, the Zhenhun Lamp continued to burn. All of this happening now: the shattering of the Lesser Wheel of Reincarnation, the creation of the Greater Wheel of Reincarnation using the Ghost King’s soul as a medium and borrowing Great Merit from the Zhenhun Lamp to join them together — is it all just a gambit by the Old Gods?”

The corner of Zhao Yunlan’s mouth rises, revealing a dimple on his cheek. “If we’re so clever, then how come we all died off one by one? Shennong asked you to keep an eye on Zhanhun-shi. Did five thousand years of watching him turn you into a conspiracy theorist?”

Shennong-bo just looks more and more suspicious. “Then why did Shansheng leave behind the Zhenhun Lamp and the Zhenhun-Ling? Why did my founding teacher just happen to let out your memories and powers at that exact, crucial moment?”

“When Shen Wei decided to wipe my memories, he’d already fulfilled everything he agreed to in his contract,” Zhao Yunlan pours himself a cup of tea, “The contract is concluded, and the influence Shennong had on both of us dissipated entirely, and that’s why I was able to ‘wake up.’”

Shennong-bo says, “Then you’re saying … it’s a coincidence?”

“That’s not it, either,” Zhao Yunlan murmurs after a little thinking.

Shennong-Bo is even more confused.

Zhao Yunlan looks at him, but not in the way a son looks up at his father. His gaze passes through their two mortal shells, falling onto the medicine pot itself.

At this moment, he seems to have become an elder.

“Wait some more,” he says. “Maybe give it another thousand, another two thousand years, you’ll get it. Some things must be learned through your own experience; it won’t do you any good for someone else to just tell you. When you want to sacrifice your life for a just cause, you’ll be able to grasp truths that no one else could understand. Whether it’s about the Zhenhun Lamp or Shennong’s contract, when we made those decisions at the time, we were only able to grasp a shadow of the future. It could move in a good direction, or maybe …”

Shennong-bo asks, “And if it didn’t move in a good direction?”

“The world will naturally gain new gods after we die. They’ll learn from our mistakes. It’s not in vain.” Zhao Yunlan hears Shen Wei’s familiar footsteps coming upstairs, and he gets up, takes the windbreaker he’s hung on the back of his chair and throws it over an arm. He turns his head to Shennong-bo, “Aren’t you one of the ‘new’ gods?”

Shen Wei arrives as Shennong-bo is still mulling over that, and with an indifferent air gives him a courteous, perfunctory nod. When his gaze lands on Zhao Yunlan, it softens in an instant. He asks, “Are you leaving now? Have you finished with your conversation?”

Zhao Yunlan makes a sound of agreement, and says to Shennong-bo, “Drive carefully on the way back, don’t let my dad notice anything. Take good care of his body.”

Shennong-bo stands, saying deferentially, “I must thank Shansheng for the guidance. In truth, I came today to beg my leave. It can be said that I have accomplished my task and it would be unseemly to hang onto a mortal’s body any longer.”

Zhao Yunlan seems taken aback, but only for a second. “When are you leaving?”

“Today,” Shennong-bo says, “I’ll return elder Zhao home right away.”

[TN. 趙先生 could be translated to Mr. Zhao, but Shennong-bo is old and formal, so I went with what 先生 would have been translated to according to Mencius. 先生，父兄也。And older man in a family, a father or an older brother.]

“That’s good.” Zhao Yunlan thinks for a second, and without a care, waves his goodbyes. “Take care. Don’t hesitate to come to me if you need anything.”

The couple leaves for downstairs together. Shennong-bo stands silently by the window, and watches the two of them move unhurriedly toward a residential neighbourhood across from campus full of European style houses with gardens, walking at an leisurely speed like they’re taking an afternoon walk. He’s reminded of what Zhao Yunlan said, that he’s been waiting for Shen Wei so they can move house together.

Farther ahead, from the neighbourhood greenbelt to the immense balconies of the buildings, clusters of flowers of every colour blossom soundlessly where they pass. Only now does Shennong-bo realises that spring is already in the air.

[TN. 春意 means both ‘the start of spring’ and ‘thoughts of love.’]

#zhen hun #鎮魂 #鎮魂番外二 #guardian #fox translates 鎮魂 #fox translates zhen hun #guo changcheng #the word count is that high bc i spent like 50 of them explaining 蛋疼 #lol sorry #ah feel free to come yell about what ZYL says at the end #because UGH

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