#theres so many other things ive thought about like the changes in their routine the wayvthrydnaprpsch snnsbgagehejfjdjkfivhrng....

[salsflore]

that alh post made me think abt how my f/os would change after meeting me and i have to say: this is genuinely so sickening and disgusting and upsetting and i am tired of them all!!! T_T

[bunniislvt]

If you're doing Females for the Nsfw alphabet will you Do X, J, Q for Keqing, Yanfei, and Ayaka? Congratulations on 200! Keep up the great work!

title : nsfw alphabet : j , q , x

characters : keqing , yanfei , ayaka

notes : <3

cw : smut -- describing explicit content -- mentions of overstim

keqing--

═════════════════

J - jack off ~

keqing isnt the type of girl who masturbates often, but she does when she is stressed out from work or just has pent up emotions she needs to get out

she doesnt make it a big deal, doesnt do anything fancy or stuff like that

just using her hands to rub her clit or to finger herself to her climax is good enough

i feel like once she meets you, her sex drive spikes up and she masturbates a lot more than she did before, due to her constant thoughts of you throughout the day

she cant help it <3

which brings us to our next point

═════════════════

Q - quickie ~

if you work with her, she'd definitely be one to pull you off into a closet or an empty office to have a quicky with, taking out her stress on your body in the nicest way possible

of course, she'd be more opt for waiting until the end of the day when you two could have sex in the comfort and privacy of your own home, being able to get more intimate than what a quickie has to offer

but sometimes she feels like she cant wait

which is when she finds you in the building at work and pulls you into a bathroom stall <3

═════════════════

X - x-ray ~

keqing has a toned body from fighting and training

her breasts are slightly on the bigger side, perfectly round with perky nipples

her figure is beautiful and perfect <3

═════════════════

yanfei--

═════════════════

J - jack off ~

like keqing, she doesnt feel the need to do it often, using her slender fingers to rub tight circles into her clit if she has to

i dont think she's familiar with penetration so she tends to stick to stimulating her clit when masturbating

things like rutting against a pillow, vibrators, etc all get her to cum perfectly fine without penetration

once she meets you, you invade her thoughts almost 24/7

it becomes part of her daily routine to hump against her pillow and moan out your name <3

═════════════════

Q - quickie ~

shes fine with them, but would only do it if needed

she thinks that quickies arent meaningful and that sex has to be intimate and sensual, not rushed out

her opinion might change if youre into them, coaxing her to open up more when you get needy before she has to get to work

she would never ask for one, but would help you reach your own orgasm in a hurry if you asked her

how sweet <3

═════════════════

X - x-ray ~

yanfeis body is slim and pale

her skin looks delicate and soft, and it is!

be careful with her <3

she has smaller, pretty tits with light pink nipples

her frame is a lot smaller than the other girls, but thats ok, shes so pretty

═════════════════

ayaka--

═════════════════

J - jack off ~

often!!

with all the stress she carries from the commission, she masturbates frequently

she's the kind of person to try to cum as many times as possible, keeping a personal record for herself

hours into the night, she's overstimulating herself by fingering and rubbing her clit, playing dirty scenarios in her head and trying to muffle her moans

i feel like she'd have quite a few toys too ~

═════════════════

Q - quickie ~

shes all for them!

loves them in fact!

sneaking off with you throughout the day to quickly fuck one out and then pretend nothing happened

"oh! ayaka! theres some things ive been meaning to talk to you about, if you have some time, care to follow me to a more.. 'private' area?"

she would be so giddy and happy to follow you and end up with her pretty cunt eaten out <3

═════════════════

X - x-ray ~

she has a similar body to keqing

slightly less toned, and slightly smaller breasts

and like yanfei, her skin is pale and gentle, be careful!

basically her body is a mix of keqing and yanfei <3

[savnofilter]

hey guys, i just wanted to speak up about something because i have been getting questions if i was well and stuff and im not really sure these days. mainly because i have become uncomfortable on this blog.

and i beg that people who dont like me, please do not spread things about me please or this because i thought i owe this to my followers.

the reason as to why i feel uncomfortable is because it really dawned upon me that being here doesnt make me happy anymore. and you could see in how flat my writing has become, or how my behavior often changes from happy to sad/low in a quick second.

and since after the summer, being on here has been almost terrible for me. like i use to have many friends, many people i talked to or felt like i created a bond with a lifetime, just kind of up and left me in the dust. while i finally took the time to focus on me for once, they used it against me, they got mad at me and its just hard to keep quiet about since it has always been my goal to talk about my feelings and now i dont think i can anymore, as to why im writing this to you guys tonight..

i will not get into depth (or specific) about it because i feel like the more i try to explain myself, the more twisted it becomes. and instead of helping me, it hurts me.

over the few months, i found when i was taking breaks to be happier. 

and its not the thought of you guys, it was more of like the lingering feeling of the way i was treated by people lingering on my blog. and im afraid if i feel like this still holds truth, i will be leaving this blog sooner or later.

in truth, i feel like ive been mistreated or even to the point where my feelings were so construed that it felt like i have been gaslighted over and over and over again. and honestly i am not as mentally or emotionally mature as many people on here, and some of them know that but it was never regarded.

im sad that this experience has come to this, because i really loved interacting, interacting with everyone and sharing my stories, but with the bad experiences on here has even turned my love/passion for writing down -- and even watching anime. i feel reminded every time i see certain blogs all over my feed, or like “hey im safe with these group of people” then they would pop up again. i felt like im some sort of villain or like an unintelligent-idiot who cant think for themselves. and while people who brainlessly follow those people can blindly hate me is fine, because i will never change who i am for anyone. ever. and i hate having to make posts like these because i feel bad for being so angsty and not being the sav that you guys know because while the brand “savnofilter” or “sav” is an extension of me, i sometimes feel so detached because of how shut out ive fell in this fandom for like 5 months now.

and i sincerely apologize to any new followers, i use to not be this down all the time but it really has been brought to my attention that the only social media that has heightened my anxiety, my depression, and even a part of illnesses i thought went away has resurfaced all because of what has happened associated to this blog.

whether it be being shut out and begging for help from the people i thought would be friends, or that i was kicked to the curve simply because i was not in the right state of mind and basically told me it was my fault for being that way.

and when it was fun, when i had friends it never felt like a chore for me on here. but as i lose support like that, it just hurts even though i have someone who stays beside me all the time. once you lose that, that, ground you start to compare yourself, like normal human nature i think. i started too look at my blog and be like “why arent i getting as much as before, what am i doing wrong, what is so bad about my stuff thats good with theres”. and part of the factor was that its odd, because it wasnt even a place of jealousy. it was one of, how did i fall to be so unimportant? so... immaterial. and it was like, each writer i fell out with, everyone just followed them and im left here trying my best to fill in their spots because i missed having that friend group, or friends with me. the only who really cared for me even with the biggest arguments and hoenstly it was because they were the only the one that cared for me. and i am not trying to cause discourse so please do not contact other people about this.

and as much as i stay at this point to irk the people who want me gone, i feel like the subtle unintentional (or intentional) bad vibes being brought to me is choking me up. and its doing well.

it just, it was so odd being treated like actual shit. like dog dooky shit. like if i was the poop on the sidewalk that you walk around and wonder who fucking took that massive shit, shit. and i was afraid to speak up about it because i was afraid of the backlash id get for having fucking feelings. 

from someone who went through some shit when i was younger, and built this barrier, to being repeatedly told over and over again that my feelings are invalid, to have people to tell me “i wont do that too you” and then do it to me just made me grow as a person. or die as a person. im not sure yet.

not only was it a mixture of people leaving me for shitty reasons, it was how stupid this fandom got. yeah, stupid. completely idiotic. of course there are people who sense-ful(?) and i love you a lot for it. but like ive said before, its unfair, there is no love like there use to be. people arent how they use to be. people put on a show, but once behind close doors its completely different. and if youre thinking of anyone in specific, youve got some shit to reevaluate. 

i was so scared to talk about it before because i was so scared at the backlash id get because i was so tired for being the hurt one and being called the bad guy. and im not blind to me being a bitch, but when i feel like ive done something im upfront about it. im rambling but this happens when i finally let my thoughts out.

and if ive been truthful, ive fallen out of my routine with meeting up with my therapist which may one of the reasons i let it run on this long without really getting a clear conscience. and like ive said before, i had thought it had to do with my life but honestly the only grief i get is being on here. 

to be honest, i have projects and requests i really want to complete before i even leave. so maybe its a while before i leave, maybe if it gets too much i’ll just go. i do not know. but 2020 is the year i finally want to take my own health over everyone else before i did before. and even with how hurt i am, i still hold so much love for these people. so much. but ive always been too loyal.

i am sorry for this sorrowful note, but i do not know how much longer i will stay. i love you all, have a blessed night.

[lamp-up-my-ass]

You wanna know what I want?

I am a lover of all things angst, and this includes toxic relationships, and sanders sides fanfic has not failed me with this. Theres the steadily growing amount of unsympathetic patton relationships gowing around, and a hanfull of unsympathitic roman fics ive seen. But the most ive seen is with deceit and remus being the abusers. I get it, its easy to put them in this role sense theyve been labeled the dark sides, but youre missing so much angst potential! So ive compiled some fic ideas revolving around these two characters.

Warnings:teen/adult, physical abuse, mental abuse, injury mention, smothering behavior, self harm, emotional abuse, blood, crying, breakdowns, isolating behavior, and unsympathetic patton and virgil.

Mociet with unsympathitic Patton

This can work in so many gut wrenching ways. Patton is so offten seen as the Dad friend, so maybe a fic where is older and Deceit younger? Imagine a 23 year old Patton, known for being nicest guy in the town, meeting 16 year old Deceit who, despite his punk style, is relatively sheltered and innocent. Patton prays on this innocence, but is put off by Deceits style, so he sets out to change him. All Pattonhas to do is treat Deceit to some tasty foods and kind words, and the teen cant stop thinking of him. Patton makes the first move and kisses Dee with no warning, before pressuring and convincing Dee into a relationship. They keep it secret, and for a while it's good. Until its not.

Patton starts to "accidentally" lose the clothes Dee would leave at his apartment, in exchange smothering him in gifts. Gifts of scratchy yellow sweaters and too tight pastel converse and other things that aren't his style. At first Patton acts normal when Dee doesn't wear these things, and its fine. Until one day Dee cant find his normal leather jacet on a cold day and opts to wear the sweater. He visits his boyfriend after school, and Patton instantly starts to cover Dee in praise when he sees him, calling him adorable and his little sunflower. They even have a heavy makeout session that abrudtly ends when Pat sees the black band T underneath the sweater. But its fine, Dee tells himself, probably nothing.

From then on, Deceit starts to notice how Patton becomes more distant, only ever gifting him cutesy clothes. All he wants is the attention he got that one day. So he starts to wear the clothes. Even when the sweater on his skin itches or the converse leaves small blisters or the bright colours leave him feeling uncomfortable. Its a small price to pay for the adoring look patton gives him.

Then, one day Deceit decides to wear his leather fingerless gloves on his date with Patt. When Patt answers the apartment door, he instanly frowns at the gloves. The dinner they have is stiff and quiet, patton not even glancing at the teen. When dinner is over and Dee is about to leave, Patt stops him. He asks why hes wearing those gloves, and starts to insult Dee. The teen tries to counter argue him, but Patts shouting and its scaring him. He never shouts.

Dee backs a few steps away, attempting to put space between him and his lover, but he bumps into one of Pattons flower vases and it shatters. Patton becomes more angry, screaming and stomping towards the boy. He grabs Dee and rips the gloves off. Dee panics and pushes himself away, but thats puts him off his balance. He falls backwards, onto the glass. The shards push into his hands and hes bleeding. Dee becomes upset, but before he can shout at Patt, his boyfriends there.

He has tears in his eyes and is apologising, pulling the teen into a tight hug. He keeps saying sorry and that he didnt mean too. He picks the boy up and puts him on the couch, smothering him in compliments. When patt "calms down" he attempts to lighten the mood. He says " next time dont be so clumsy." Dee ends up staying the night, missing school the next day. This is the last time he wears something like that.

When hes home, he gets a package from Patton. The note says " so that your not sutch a clutz next time :D." Inside theres a pair of pure white gloves, with little embroidered sunflowers.

Anxceit with Unsympathitic Virgil

This idea was easy to come up with. Virgil is the embodiment of anxiety and theres alot of things that can make you anxious in relationships.

They met at a concert. Deceit say the shorter man and his rainbow pin amd decided to give it a shot. He flirted with the little emo, cautious on if he was uncomfortable. They hit it off and went to a starbucks after the concert to get to know each other.

They kept in touch and continued to grow closer. Suprisingly, it was Virgil who asked him out. Their relationship was perfect. They ended up dating for 1 and a half years before they decided it was time to move in together.

Deceit noticed the change immediately. Whenever he would be on his phone, Virgil would go quiet. Whenever Dee came home from something or another, Virgil would launch himself at the taller individual. At first Dee thought nothing of this, thinking it was cute even. Until it was not.

Deceit had went out and visited some friends, talking and joking around with each other. Dee felt the constant buzzing of his phone in his pocket, but ignored it to speak to his friends. When he finally arrived home, he foumd out his mistake. Virgil stood in the living room, head bowed, and asked where dee was. Deciet responded quietly, concerned for his partner. Verge looked up and asked "why didnt you respond to my messages?!" Dee was taken aback, confused by Virgils behavior. Virgil saw this and started shouting at him. Right when Dee was about to respond, Virgil started to break down into sobs. Deciet ran over to him and tried to calm him down, but the other wouldnt stop repeating " dont leave me." When finally calm, virge looked up at Deceit and asked " can you please just tell me when you go somewhere?" Deceit agreed.

Things like this kept progressing, Virgil crying and breaking down any time Deceit doesn't tell him when he leaves the house. He starts to even get upset anytime Dee dosent text 5 minutes after he texts him, saying how hes scared that Dees leaving. Deceit feels bad for his partner, so he stops leaving the house for anything thats not work or food. Virgil is very happy about this. But only for a bit.

Since Deceit starts to be at home more, he keeps up with his freinds through text. He doesnt tell the why he stopped hanging out with them, ignoring the question anytime its asked. Virgil notices Dee being on his phone so often, and becomes jealous. One day, he sees Dee laughing at something on his phone, and jumps to conclusions. Virgil stomps over to Deceit and yanks the phone from his hands. He starts to shout, accusing him of cheating and lieing. Once agian, right before Dee is about to respond, Virgil cries. Once again he says hes scared and doesnt want him to leave. Deceit comforts Virgil, and Verge asks him something. "Can you just let me look at your phone when i get scared? Please?" Deceit agrees.

And once again, its all fine. They fall into a routine. Dee goea to work, calls Verge on his lunch brake, comes straight home, talk to Virgil, help make dinner, eat, have Virge check his phone, watch tv, and go to bed. It was simple. But Deceit was lonely. He missed his friends, missed seeing them and knowing whats going on in there life. So one day, Dee goes into his room and voice chats his friends.

Virgil enters and Dee stops the call. Virgil is mad. Hes shouting at Deciet and accusing him cheating once again. When hes done shouting, he glares at Dee and demands to see his phone. Deceit says no. This is the wrong answer.

Virgils eyes go wide, before turning around and marching out the room, slamming the door behind him. Deceit doesnt make a move until he hears Verge open a kitchen drawer. Deceit races out the bedroom to see Virgil cutting his arms with a knife. Dee grabs him and triea to get him to stop, only for Virgil to drop the knife and fall to the ground. Hes sobbing, saying that he has nothing to live for without Deceit. Deceit tries to calm him and carefully cares for his wounds, virgil still in tears.

Deceit doesnt contact his friends for a long time after that.

--------------------------------------------------

Hi! So these were just two of many ideas ive been having, and i hope you enjoyed! I plan to make a part 2 to this with lociet, roceit, and intruciet. If thats something youre intrested in, give me some feed back! Im ooen to any constructive criticism, and please tell me if i left any trigger warnings un named. Also, remember i have nothing against Patton and Virge, i actually enjoy them quiet a bit, so dont think I hate them or something! I just wanted to write something small including things like different types of abuse and character takes, im not saying that these characters are truly like this. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!!

[angrylizardjacket]

like flying [1] {Brian May}

A/N: Stardust AU!!! Mainly a set-up chapter. they/them, fallen star!reader, please please please let me know what you think!!

When one spends their life with their eyes trained on the sky, they tend to miss what’s right in front of them. 

Freddie says that a lot, usually when he’s up by the helm of the ship, and has just witnessed Brian, who is running across the deck trying to get the best vantage point of the sky through the clouds, run straight into John, who in fairness, is equally distracted by the impending storm.

“Could you at least warn us next time?” Brian calls over a crack of thunder.

“Being your guide dog isn’t my job.” Freddie’s glaring into the storm, a white-knuckled grip on the wheel as he prepared to whether it. John doesn’t seem too bothered by it, just picks up his scattered tools, straightens his googles, and heads towards the bow of the ship.

“What about you, ya jackal?” Brian levels a glare at where their resident Warlock had taken up residence on the banister of the quarterdeck, laughing as he watches the events unfold from his vantage point by the Captain. Roger sits with his ankles crossed, balancing with an unnatural ease, and for good reason; his favourite thing was using his magic to make it look like himself appear just that little bit better than the humans around him, irritating git. 

“You should watch where you’re going.” Is all he offers, eyes shining as he watches a crack of lightning streak across the sky.

“I’m trying to watch where we’re all going.” Brian huffs, rolling up his map and putting it in it’s holder for safekeeping. “Anyways, the storms dead ahead, you don’t need me to guide you. I’ll be down by the barrels until this is all over.” And with that he descends further into the ship to keep an eye on, and switch out the lightning barrels as they’re being filled.

From his vantage point on the gun deck, which had initially been for show, and had now been converted into the main collection point that all the lightning funnelled into, Brian could catch glimpses of the storm raging outside, and feel as it knocked the ship about. He had absolute faith in Deaky’s designs, they’d been through far worse and come out singing before, and for now he just contented himself with making sure that none of the lightning barrels overflowed, and occasionally catching a glimpse of stars through the clouds. 

There was no denying he was rather enamoured with them, at least as a concept; spending thousands of years bringing light to the world in it’s darkest hours, holding their constellations for hundred, even thousands of years, watching silently as the universe passes them by, all without complaint. There was something beautiful, artistic about the way they arranged themselves, something that made Brian feel so unbelievably small, and occasionally futile, in comparison. But their constant nature was often the only things that kept him sane aboard this ship, and so he wouldn’t begrudge the stars their shining constance, he’d just be thankful they shone at all, and kept him in a job, and ironically, kept him grounded. 

Roger joins him almost immediately after the storm passes. Brian’s carefully distilling a little of the freshest lightning into a little sample size if the buyer’s unconvinced of it’s quality, which is a tricky process involving heat-proof mittens and a weird metal hose, and Roger pulls off the lid of the barrel without a second thought. By now, Brian doesn’t even flinch; Roger’s adept at keeping the lightning contained with his magic and a flick of his wrist, and looks into the crackling metal barrel without any hesitation.

“Seems like we’ve got a good batch on our hands.” Roger tries to sound like he knows what he’s talking about, like he doesn’t say that every time because he’s a little in awe at the sight of what’s essentially bottled lightning. Brian doesn’t comment. “Well I appreciate your candor, I did do an excellent job.” Roger fills in the blanks with exactly what he wants to hear, and he steps back, stretching out his hand, and there’s a panic that rises in Brian’s chest as what appears to be an electrified serpent rises from the barrel.

“Do you have to show off like that?” Brian asks, deadpan, trying his hardest to hide the fear that the loud, electric snaps bring out in him. After a moment, he caps the sample and shuts off the little vent that he distills the lightning from before taking away the piping, while Roger rolls his eyes but obligingly shoves the lightning back into the barrel. 

As he’s capping it, his hold on the lightning slips for just a moment, and there’s a sudden burst as the not yet secured cap is torn through from his grip, rocketing faster than the eye can see up through the roof of the deck, and into the sky. Electricity bursts forth, fire blooming where the lighting hits the walls and floor in an instant, the very power of it sending both Roger and Brian to opposite ends of the room; it’s deafening, overwhelming, and it takes all of Roger’s focus to wrangle the electricity back under control.

“Spare lid!” He shouts, which Brian parrots back mockingly, looking around.

“We’ve never needed a spare lid why would we have one?!” He cries, and can hear, in the now still night air outside, Freddie cursing up a blue streak as he and Deaky come over to the newly formed hole in the floor of the deck to investigate. 

“Because it’s better to be safe than sorry!” Roger retorts, and suddenly there’s a pair of goggles looking down at them, Deaky, alongside their incredibly annoyed Captain.

“What the blood hell has happened?”

“Roger-” Brian tried to explain as he was putting out fires across the room, but he was cut off.

“We need a spare lid for this batch, okay? I’ll explain after.” Roger insisted, much to both Freddie and Brian’s chagrin.

“We don’t have a spare lid.” Deaky responded, and his face disappeared from the hole where they had been looking in. Freddie’s gaze turns skyward, as if trying to see if the lid was falling back to Earth, though he seemed transfixed.

“Ha! I told you!” Brian cried, and Roger rolled his eyes, as Deaky showed up at the door a few moments later, pulling various items from his tool belt as he set about making a make-shift lid.

“It won’t hold forever.” Deaky explained, “and we can’t sell this batch, I’ve basically just welded a metal plate to the top, and added some insulator. We need to get a new lid.” Roger relaxed, the sudden exertion and overuse of his powers hitting him all at once, though they all jumped when he let go of his hold of the electricity and it crashed threateningly at the new lid.

“How long do we have?” Roger asks, arms crossed as he puts out an on-fire chair with a wave of his hand before collapsing into it. Brian wants to make a snarky remark, but he’s too busy putting out fires of his own, and even at a glance Roger looks like he’s death standing, or sitting as the case may be; either way he’s at his limit. 

“A few days, maybe? I did the best I could given,” and he waves his hand around the ashy room and scattered supplies, “but those lids are specially designed.” And after stamping out a fire by the door, he takes off his goggles. “Worst comes to worst, I can crack the lid and we can chuck it overboard; it’ll come loose in the air and won’t be our problem.” 

“And waste a perfectly good barrel? I don’t think so, dear; we’re going to get our lid.” Freddie sounds so confident that it’s a little unnerving, and he’s still looking at the sky. Brian peers up through the hole and tries to follow his gaze.

“How do you even know where it is?” He asked, and Freddie turned with a bright smile, pointing at light in the sky growing steadily brighter at an alarming rate.

“Because it hit a star, and we can watch where it falls.”

The thing about you is that you adored humanity, you just never understood them. You’d always been so caught up in their day-to-day intricacies that you’d never been bored watching empires come and go, or see history repeat itself over and over again. Each little era brought something new, something to shake up the routine, and everyone’s personal lives, and sometimes you were even able to catch a glimpse of love. That was your favourite thing to watch, the way people would fall in love time and time again, and there’s little patterns, people drawn to one another, sometimes you feel as if you’re watching the same souls come back to each other over and over again. If you liked to fantasize about being one of those souls, you would never say anything to the others who shine beside you, bored with the ebb and flow with time that seemed to change little with each passing eon. 

You knew, objectively, that there were people who looked up at you, who even perhaps loved you, but it wasn’t the same, you couldn’t tell them you loved them in the same way, and after all, you liked it where you were, free from the fear of having your heart eaten like you’d seen happen to your brothers and sisters before, free from the fear of rejection; humans tend to like humans, and you knew if given half a chance you’d want to act out your little fantasy. But it wouldn’t come true; even people who looked up at the stars learned to love something on the ground, you’d seen it happen too many times. 

You were secure where you were, one of the brightest shining stars in the sky, glowing as you delighted in the antics of the people below you, and you never thought that would have to change. 

Until what seems to be a metal plate smacks you in the chest, winding you and knocking you from your perch in the sky. You weren’t even able to cry for help as you crash through the atmosphere. Fear has a stranglehold on your whole body, all you can do is clutch the metal to your chest as the ground approaches, and part of you, in hindsight, will be glad that you passed out before you hit the ground.

deadly viper assassination squad: @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @thatgeekspeak @some-back-ground-noise @ma-ntequilla @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @legendsaresooftenwarnings​ @phantom-fangirl-stuff @obsessedwithrogertaylor​ @cosmicsskies​ @sam-writes​ @queen-mischief-fanfiction​

(i just tagged everyone who expressed interest; tag list is always open, feel free to message me or comment on the fic and i’ll add you xx)

[t-edwardtonks]

Who: Ted Tonks & Others When: The First Wizarding War Where: St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries What: After Frank and Alice Longbottom’s Torture. 

TW: Grief and Torture (mentions) 

A rumble of laughter and cheers rolled through the room as the delicate sound of silverware tapping champagne glasses resulted in a kiss between the bride and the groom. Ted couldn’t help glancing over to Andromeda at his side, smiling at the memory of their own wedding and the reminder of how truly lucky he was. She looked stunning, though she always did, and he couldn’t help reaching for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. Ted had always found these sort of society events to be something stressful in his younger years, scared to death of revealing the secret of his magic, or committing some other misstep under his parents’ scrutiny. In more recent years, however, Ted had found them somewhat fun. Any chance to spend an evening with Andromeda, in public no less, was something of a dream he never believed would have come true. The only thing missing in this moment was Dora, safely tucked away with the Weasleys for the evening as a muggle society wedding was no place for a rambunctious metamorphmagus. She would no doubt be worn out by the late hour Ted and Andromeda returned to the Borrow for their daughter. He could almost see the way she’d likely be curled up on the worn couch, one of Molly’s knitted blankets keeping her warm, and how he would be hesitant to wake her. But Ted hadn’t returned to the Borrow that night as planned.

Just as the second course was cleared from the table, Ted felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned, half-expecting a member of the waitstaff simply had a question for him, and was instead shocked to see his Uncle Dom in the midst of the dining room. Instantly, Ted rose to his feet, hardly aware of the clattering on the table, the sudden hush befalling those around him, or the curious stares that were attracted by the man in the long trench coat who had somehow slipped into the reception uninvited. Ted only spared a glance toward Andromeda to be sure that she had stood as well before promptly following Dom out into the hall. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked the moment they were out of earshot from any of the other wedding guests, his heart in his throat. Surely it wasn’t Dora? “I’ve been sending you owls for hours, I didn’t know you had plans tonight. Not until I wrote the Weasleys and they mentioned keeping Dora for as long as you needed. I didn’t mean to barge in, but I figured you should know.” Ted had followed Dom out onto the gravel drive and around to the side of the estate as he spoke in hushed, hurried riddles about finding Frank and Alice too late, unsure of the extent of damage that had been done, and something about St. Mungo’s. Ted didn’t even remember much of apparating, or his walk through the sterile halls of the hospital as thoughts of the worst spun through his mind.

A familiar, sick sense of dread settled like a pit in his stomach and memories of so many other casualties in this war replayed like a broken record. There had been too many panicked visits to St. Mungo’s, too many sleepless nights at the news someone had gone missing, too many owls sent in the earliest hours of the morning, and too many funerals for friends gone too soon. Ted ought to be used to it by now, with the amount of tragedy he had already witnessed, but somehow he figured it was something no one should ever get used to. Halting outside of a closed door, Dom had turned to Ted, eyes glistening as they looked him over. “There’s nothing more I can say to prepare you.” Dom’s tone was apologetic, and Ted took in a sharp, shuddering breath in a poor attempt to brace himself for what he was about to see.

The room was dark, as any examinations of the patients inside had long since passed, and they had been left to rest. A shadowed figure sitting up in the hospital bed, however, did not seem to be resting at all. “Alice?” Ted whispered softly, sinking into the chair that had been left at her bedside. Now closer, he could see her features more clearly, though she hadn’t turned to look at him only staring straight ahead, unblinking. “Alice... “ He whispered again, straining to see the scratches and bruises that might have littered her skin in the darkness. This time, she turned, though Ted wasn’t quite sure she was actually looking at him. “It’s just me…Ted… “ He said softly, glancing over toward Frank’s sleeping form in the bed next to hers, not wanting to startle either of them after their ordeal.

Torture. That’s what Dom had said. Any physical wounds inflicted had been seen to already, it was those that remained unseen that worried healers most. Dom spoke softly over Ted’s shoulder, a reassuring hand keeping him grounded, Ted’s breathing as steady as he could manage. Frank and Alice had experienced a tremendous amount of trauma, it was only natural they should experience some kind of shock in the aftermath. The healers were doing their best, they would know more in the days to come. Ted couldn’t be sure when the tears had started and he shifted in his seat to hide them from Alice, sniffing sharply as he tried to blink them away. “And the kids?” He asked in a desperate hope that the same fate had not befallen them as well. “Safe. They’re with Frank’s mother.” Another shuddering breath as Ted swiped at his eyes, unable to voice his relief.

The moments ticked by in silence, Dom’s hand still resting on his shoulder as Andromeda clutched his free hand. “What do I do?” He whispered, feeling useless and as though he might be sick. “Just talk to them. Let them know you’re here.” And so he did. He spent hours that night in the hospital reassuring first Alice and then Frank when he awoke that he was there, that their kids were safe, and that they were going to be alright. He reminded them that they weren’t alone, reaching out to straighten a blanket or pat a shoulder, ignoring their unfocused stares, only stopping when they drifted off to sleep once again.

Ted hadn’t wanted to leave the hospital, but as they next day came and went, Dom had convinced him to go home to his family, change clothes, eat something, and return after he’d had a chance to rest. The shower had done him some good, allowed him to cry the last of his tears and drain himself of some of his overwhelming grief. A change of clothes was welcome, as he felt much more himself than he did in his stiff tuxedo. While he couldn’t bring himself to eat anything, simply sitting at the kitchen table with his family safe beside him was no small comfort.

He clutched Andromeda and Nymphadora a bit tighter than usual before leaving for the hospital again, something that would become part of his daily routine in the months to come, and the weeks after that. Years would go by and Ted would continue his weekly visits, sure to stop by on every holiday. Sometimes he would bring Andromeda and Dora, other times he might visit with Susan and Amelia. Still other times he would visit with the Longbottoms or the Weasleys, but most often he visited by himself. It was easier that way, not to surround himself with everyone’s grief and instead focus on visiting with his friends. It felt lighter that way, and perhaps not as sad. He would update them on the latest news, tell them about a book he had finished or a movie he’d seen. He would chat about the kids growing up, their Hogwarts houses, and how they were doing in school. He reminded them that they were loved, and that their loved ones were safe, and that they were not forgotten even if it seemed as though they had forgotten him. No matter what he talked about, however, he always began in the same way. Checking to make sure they were comfortable, squeezing Alice’s hands and patting Frank’s back before easing into the visitor’s chair. “It’s just me, Ted.”

Word Count: 1396

[peckhampeculiar]

Twerking nine to five

PECKHAM’S KELECHNEKOFF STUDIO OFFERS FITNESS CLASSES RANGING FROM POLE-DANCING TO TWERKING TO YOGA. We meet its inspirational founder – the personal trainer, actress and Peckham resident Kelechi Okafor

WORDS JUMOKÉ FASHOLA PHOTO DILESH SOLANKI

I don’t think you could find anyone prouder to be a south Londoner than Kelechi Okafor. Born in Nigeria, she arrived to join her mother in Peckham at the age of five and the area has been her home ever since.

Describing herself as a ride or die Peckhamite, she not only lives locally, but has also established her Kelechnekoff fitness studio here.

Kelechi is a fierce, fun and fabulous woman, with boundless energy, who sees her remit as one of reclaiming the narrative about what it means to be a strong black female in the age of social media.

Her studio, based in the Sojourner Truth Centre on Sumner Road, offers everything from yoga to pole-dancing to twerking. Why twerking?

“One of the things I wanted from having a space like this,” she says, “is to allow women across the board to be tender and engage fully with their bodies.

“Because society has hyper-sexualised the female body so much, and the black female body specifically, there are women who just want to be as far away from that narrative as possible, not understanding that our power lies in the sexuality and sensuality of being a woman. That’s what I want us to take back.”

As an actor, director and personal trainer who specialises in twerk and pole-dance fitness, it’s been a challenging road to get to where she is today – from the homelessness she experienced as a teenager to supporting her mother and brothers, to depression, therapy, having to integrate into a new family when she first arrived in the UK, childhood sexual abuse and a lot more.

She has survived and is very open about her personal journey to date, particularly on social media. No topic is off limits – black issues, police brutality, mental health, her own recent miscarriage.

She has amassed a following of almost 35,000 people on Twitter, with a further 12,400 followers on Instagram. Where did her fascination with social media start?

“It was probably around 2013, when the shift started happening and I just felt that we had something here that allowed us to communicate with everybody, worldwide,” she says.

“I’ve always been a writer, and when Twitter came along I just took to it, because I thought, ‘This is a space where I can say what I’m thinking and I can put it out there as a form of microblogging.’

“I joined it when hardly anyone else was on there and I remember when the influx of celebrities started joining us. I thought, ‘There goes the neighbourhood, they are going to ruin everything!” she laughs.

“But it has changed and I’ve changed with it, as I saw how it allowed us to have our own voice separate from the narrative that we were getting from the media.

“I feel that this is where the power is. It’s an opportunity for me, Kelechi, to give you an alternative narrative to what you’d normally get from the mainstream.”

But in being so outspoken across her social media platforms, has there been a cost? “Yes, there has been, but I think that for anything that matters to you, there is always a sacrifice,” she says.

“Occasionally I will go online and there will be someone calling me a black b**** or a black this. Sometimes I save the tweets. Perhaps one day I’ll take it to court and then they’ll have to show up and explain that email or tweet they sent. But it hasn’t really got there.

“I did have horse manure sent to me in the first small studio I opened in Clapton, though,” she remembers ruefully.

“I had been speaking that weekend about the appropriation of black culture by mainstream pop artists.

“I was pointing out that when it’s ‘appropriation’, there’s always someone with more power who benefits from it financially. If it was ‘appreciation’, the person who has less of the power should be benefiting from it but they’re not.

“I was explaining that and someone got extremely upset with something I said, because soon after, I got horse manure posted to me anonymously.

“Although,” she laughs, “it didn’t even offend me because it was so well packaged and 100 per cent organic.”

What was the response to that experience from her social media followers?

“I have a lot of black female followers who care about my safety and care about my wellbeing. So, someone wrote an article for BuzzFeed about it, which basically helped promote my studio.

“Many people, men and women, sent me flowers and books of poetry including one by Maya Angelou. I just received so much love.”

Whatever the challenges she has faced in life, keeping fit has always been her way of working through issues.

“I’ve always been active and into sports”, she says. “Growing up, I played football and netball. It was stuff I didn’t have to try hard at, it was just a skill that I had.

“I had wanted to be head girl at school but my teacher thought I was too boisterous for that, so she said I could be sports captain instead.”

Her love of sport comes not just from her innate ability, but also from the discipline that it requires.

“When I was in secondary school I joined the air cadets. All I’ve ever yearned for, after not seeing it in the family home, is discipline. I like routine and structure.

“I think we were in year eight when we had a talk from the air cadets. And I thought, ‘Yeah, that’s it, I’m becoming an air cadet.’”

True to form she worked hard at it and for her, “the psychological part of the training gave me a break from being the one who did everything at home and having to be in control of everyone. I wanted and needed that break.”

Alongside fitness, her other passion is acting. It was a choice of career that her mother was dead set against.

“I can understand why,” she muses. “If you’re losing your home and don’t have a regular job, what you want for your children is a steady job. You want to know that they will never suffer or want for anything. Mum was like, ‘Just be a lawyer, you are such a great orator’.”

As a compromise, Kelechi found a course that would allow her to study both drama and law at Liverpool Hope University.

“I’d never been to Liverpool before,” she says, “but that’s the only place which was offering that degree.”

Coming back to London, she started working at a call centre and found it soul destroying.

“I remember going through London Bridge one day and just thinking, ‘There has to be something I can do where I’m not at the mercy of this corporation’. And I just thought, ‘I’ll become a personal trainer’. Fitness was the thing I loved most after acting.

“I saved up my money from my job, paid for a distance learning course and then I did lots of work experience in different gyms.”

Her business took off straightaway, courtesy of her followers on social media.

“When I did qualify, there were already women on Twitter and Instagram who were like, ‘Just come and train me’.

“So I went into that and that’s when I started to see the kind of freedom and flexibility that I could have access to without being at the mercy of big corporations.”

Her personal background means that she has a real desire to see women embrace who they truly are, not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually.

“What I really want for women to understand, especially when it comes to our bodies, is that we only have this one body,” she says.

“When I start training people, I want them to understand that there’s nothing I can do that’s going to make them more beautiful.

“I can get you slimmer if that’s what you really want. I can get you more toned, but none of these things are actually going to make you more beautiful, because it’s not really based on what you look like.

“[It’s about] getting my clients to understand that to me, personal training is 80 per cent psychological and emotional, and 20 per cent physical.

“You didn’t come to me because you care about your fitness, not really. There’s something else that’s happening there. What is that thing?

“If we talk about that ‘thing’, then the fitness doesn’t feel so bad. I’ve had women and men break down into tears when we’ve been having a session because I will say things like, ‘I just feel today that you’re holding a lot in’.

“I can feel it and then they let that out. And that’s what they needed. Then they feel safer because they know that I will spot it if they’re holding a lot that day and we taper the session to create space for them.”

She’s irritated by men who try to dominate in gyms. “I’ve had it myself when I’ll be training at the gym and a guy who clearly knows nothing about fitness comes up to me, just because I’m a woman, and says, ‘So when you’re doing this you really want to do it like this.’

“Wait, you’re telling me, the actual professional, how to do it?! And then they often have the temerity to say, ‘Don’t grow too much muscle though, because you don’t want to look like a man.’”

She dislikes the way Christmas and the new year are promoted to us commercially.

“It’s interesting to me how around Christmas time, the focus in adverts is on massive turkeys, chocolates etcetera, pushing a form of gluttony on us.

“Then as soon as January hits, it’s ‘You, disgusting fatty, get to the gym, get fit’, and I just think that we have to pull ourselves out of that. We are being sold one thing while being beaten with another. What does that do to your self esteem? We never know where we stand because companies were just telling us five minutes ago to eat all of the food!”

What’s on offer at her own gym is a way, according to her, of connecting women to the “divine feminine” through dance.

“With the twerking classes at the studio I wanted to celebrate my African-ness while still paying homage to the ways in which it has changed and how it’s now become linked with hip hop culture,” she says.

Also available at the Kelechnekoff studio are very popular classes in pole-dancing and also yoga, which she is particularly keen to make accessible to all, especially those on lower incomes.

She hopes in 2019 to include a few more aerial disciplines, such as aerial hoops and also Wing Chun defence classes. Primarily though, whether it’s a twerk hen party or a pole-dancing class, her dream is that the studio continues to be a fun place that celebrates all women.

On a personal level as we approach the new year, she’s living by her own mantra: “Don’t stop striving for that thing that makes your heart warm. You deserve it. You can achieve it.”

[wantbabybump]

The Truth.

What people dont tell you about motherhood is that it can come with a profound amount of sadness. In a world full of social media and everyone wanting to portray themselves in the best light possible cause people are so judgemental and opionated now a days. We dont see the real picture. We see pregnancy announcement, but we dont see the anxiety that comes with announcing cause maybe thats her rainbow baby. We see the maternity pictures but we dont see the girl thats struggling with her changing body and finding ways to love her new self. We see the just born pictures but we dont see the fear that comes with not knowing what to expect. we dont see the amount of pain a woman is still in cause they are pressing on her tummy every few hours. We see the coming home photos. But we dont realize that the dad drove 2 miles a hour just make it safe. We see the newborn photos but we dont see the shots where the baby cried for a hour, where they peed all over the dad. And we definitely glamourize the first few months. When you think of a newborn you think of a squishy little baby that eats and sleeps. You dont think of the fact that you will live off of broken sleep for however many months. You dont realize as a first time mom that you will be afraid to leave your baby long enough to shower but then feel like utter crap cause you havent showered. You have to learn to not be selfish. Sure maybe you were married but you didn't put all your needs.. even basic needs above your husband. You now have someone who comes first always and forever. And while thats a "burden" taken gladly its still a adjustment. No one tells you how hard its going to be. They will say "wait til you have a baby, enjoy that sleep now". But you just dont realize exactly what that means til your in the thick of it a week in going on 2hours of broken sleep a day and still have no time for yourself. No one tells you how lonely it will be. Even though you have added another person to your house its so lonely. That little squishy has you tethered to your home especially if its a winter baby. You think that you will finally fit in with your friends but they will be to busy for you and your needs. After all they have kids already. Your husband will be working most of the day, come home want to eat, play with squishy and want to sleep. Even though he didn't get up with the babe all night he probaly heard him crying and still didn't get a decent night of rest.

No one tells you just how emotionally taxing it can be. When you dont have kids and think about the thought of it. You think about the unconditional love. You dont realize the anxiety, stress, and self inflicted pressure that you will put yourself through. Emotionally you think that adding a baby will be nothing but joy and love to your life. But its kind of like picking traits in a game or skill points. If you start off with three like say social, confident, outgoing. You need to minus something to make room for the parenting trait if that makes sense. You cant have it all. Maybe eventually as the squishy gets older, motherhood begins to be in a groove and babe sleeps longer. But the first few months you wont even have the energy to be social or motivation to reach out to people. No one tells you how it has effected their marriage. Its not all lets look at this beautiful babe that we created together. Its placing blame on something that was no ones fault. Its critizing the other cause they aren't doing it the "right way". Its fighting cause you dont think one is doing enough to help. Or its fighting cause one is being overbearing or controlling. When in all reality the fights are fear. Fear of not knowing what your doing. The fights are a result of not enough sleep and everything is bound to upset you. The fights are two people trying to learn to live and be in love in a completely different way then what they pictured in their head. Ive never wanted to end my marriage as much as I did in the first year. Looking back now was most of what I was upset about completely justified, probably not. Was the lack of sleep and always feeling helpless clouding my feelings and attitude very much so. The first year your body still goes through changes. Hormonally things have to level back out. There will be crazy period patterns. Hair loss. Physicaly your body will be different point blank. Unless your a one in a million unicorn who poops out a baby and then looks like a model. But you will probably have weight you want to lose but who has time. When you do lose it your stomach will still be soft. Much softer then it ever was as your old "fat self". Pregnancy weight gain then weight loss will most like give you some type of stretchmarks. Not even just on your tummy. Your hair will always have a coat of dry shampoo in it. And you will probably hate your body. You will think your husband hates your body. But does he hate your body.. not a chance in hell. If anything you have gave him the greatest gift he will ever recieve and to him that will just be sexy. Sexy will look different in your relationship. Sexy wont be lingerie and candle light dinners. Sexy will be a frozen pizza and you wearing his shirt in some yoga pants. What you thought of sexy when you would think of your husband will change also. Sexy will be him watching the baby so you can take a bath and wash your hair and shave your legs. Sexy will be him taking a night feed. Sexy will be him offering to change a stinky diaper. I know this probably sounds all negative and you probably think jeeze why even have a baby this sounds terrible. But let me tell you all the good and the love definitely out weighs anything I wrote here. And theres a light and once you get a routine and you get use to your new life and embrace it. Once you become confident in your parenting motherhood will be amazing. I wrote this not to scare people. I wrote this so moms who are pregnant, moms who have had kids, wives who want to have a baby they know that their feelings aren't uncommon or that they are horrible cause they feel that way. Its okay if you didn't enjoy motherhood at first cause you were overwhelmed and scared beyond belief with whats the right decisions. Its normal to feel these feelings. I remember my first few months home alone with my squishies i felt so isolated. I felt like I didnt know anything. I felt like everything I did was wrong. Every decision I made I second guessed later on. And most of all I felt judged. I felt like everyone was looking at me and just waiting for me to mess up so they can rub it in... I've had 3 kids.. do it this way. That's so wrong. Instead of encouraging me. And saying in my experience this seems like a easier approach to the situation you should try it and see what you think. People are to opinionated now a days. They like to tell you whats  you did wrong but they dont want to take the time to show you a better way. They want to tell you that your mother this is expected of you. They dont like to think back to their first baby. I just want to let you know. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Things will get better.

[lokbobpop]

Everyday

1630s, "worn on ordinary days," as opposed to Sundays or high days, from noun meaning "a week day" (late 14c.), from every (adj.) ... Extended sense of "to be met with every day, common" is from 1763.

encountered or used routinely or typically : ordinary everyday clothes. Other Words from everyday Synonyms & Antonyms More Example Sentences Learn More About everyday

Everyday every day e very day ever y day eve ryd ay

Writing the word everyday

Thoughts of everyday being not good enough not where i want to be wanting to be elsewhere not here in who i am looking to be in the future and not wanting to look at who i am right now and get thsi sorted only see ing futrue me who has there shit together not seeing realizing and understanding i have to start right here in the now or what’s in my future thought will always only ever be the that in the future always that in the future never obtaining it only ever desiring it and seeing it as a future event so i dotn see i have to to it in the here and now as there will never be a future me it will always be int he future which will never be its now here and now.

Reading everyday

Everyday i grow sometime up sometimes down but i learn and i grow

Im pretty bored everyday it’s a like im waiting for something too happen without really doing anything at all accept desire for things to be different in my world especially my desire to win money is so great like it was meant to happen and all i can see is this point living in me everyday like im so sure its going to happen my mind tells me every week this will happens but of cause it never happens it never does but every week i dream of how it will be so it can distract me from my process keep me im a state of desire theres no new thoughts coming in it’s just old ones all the time.

Saying everyday

Everyday is the same but different lol like all the same things happen for me i either write or im with chris or on the net whatever it is it same but different as it another day not the same as yesterday so how can i help change my days to work for me to be the best for me how can i work them better than i do already whats best for me each and every day ? Mm yes a set routine is god for me i see this with free time but wheni get back i need ot set something up like this which works better for me.

Everyday is a struggle for me i think because everyday i see myself and think what are you doing why are you like this or come on stop that emotion now how did I you let this happen how did I you not see it why are you thoughts so important than no thought about anything at all.

Everyday day in day out it’s like hell i feel im not doing my best comes up how many time in just this word have i fallen into thought at least 3/4 times the mind has jumped in. With some sort of bullshit fro me to listen to think about chew over enough already i dont want you i dont need you why down you just stop already ive had enough of you looking picking it apart seeing what it is and missing point within me it seems to much to handle sometimes i like today days of peace where there is less chatter going on

Sf

Does this definition support me no way i see im letting my mind get me down and not seeing who i can be within this word of only ever being pissed off sad at myself for not being the person i need to be for me and all others i have to see past this poor me having to cope there are people out there with far more than my load they have great trauma to get over im so lucky with my little bit of nothing shit i have hey so get on do it

Everyday every day

Everyday

Is a blessing is an opportunity is special to grow be and become i see this

I will live this word to support me in changing everyday to get better everyday in every way every day my breathe within myself my help another if i get this done im gifting me first to i can then gift of others do it

[irregulardiaryposts]

16:35 01/03/2021

so. its now march!!!!! march is an okay month. but it also means its been a year since corona really kicked off and thats proper weird to think about. it feels like absolutely fuck all has actually changed but yet im a very different person yk. i played minecraft for 10 hrs last week. im addicted to it. this time last year i was kinda sick and we thought i had corona but since testing wasnt really available i just had to stay home ages. it was horrible but to think that was a whole YEAR ago is absolutely fucking wild. 

anyway back to minecraft. i absolutely love it. its such a simple game and you can truly play however you want to. like. if u dont want to bother beating the enderdragon or doing any serious grind stuff, you can literally just fuck about doing whatever you wanna do... u wanna build a little cottage in the woods? yes. u wanna pick lowers and decorate and build cute farms? yes. u wanna explore a vast and expansive world filled with literally endless possibilities and find pets and loot and different biomes and blocks? yes. you wanna mess around with ur friends? yes. u wanna do pvp or multiplayer games? yes. u wanna meet new people? yes. u wanna play by yourself and become exceedingly rich? yes. u wanna do all this and comforted by the melodic tunes and beautiful landscapes? yesssssssss. it literally has something for everyone but people get so pissy about how others play its soooo annoying. like so what if someone wants to go into creative and cheat or they wanna play on peaceful or they have keep inventory on? they are playing the game in the way they enjoy the most, the way that makes them happiest, makes them comforted, allows then to enjoy playing it. coz i bet if everyone was made to play the exact same way and there was no way to customise your experience, it would not be nearly as popular as it is. it probs wouldve died out if people werent enjoying it because they got frustrated by it, or too scared to lose their things to progress in the game, or too anxious to play because its scary and they dont know how to beat things. or if people play solely in creative and they enjoy that the most and wanna try survival, they dont deserve to get made fun of coz they want to ease their way into harder things. or if someone just wants to build or just explore or just tame a million dogs, as long as they are happy they are already enjoying the game to the max, they dont deserve people being like “ if u play without X youll enjoy it more coz thats the way we play it” like fuck off it would be like if a hardcore players was like “play in hardcore or ur stupid” ppl would get mad because thats not the way they want to play it and they wouldnt enjoy it as much or at all as the hardcore player does. and dont even get me started on this whole bedrock vs java bs. this its such a waste of time like??? who benefit from this argument? because its silly java players think they are automatically better than every bedrock player because they have java. 

like obviouslyyyyyy java is better and im sure a lot of bedrock players would rather java, but u cant lie and say that a lot of og players didnt start on bedrock and then upgrade to java, because as kids u cant really afford a proper pc but everyone has an xbox or an ipad lol. like they literally forget that they probably started playing on bedrock too. and its so stupid because yes while bedrock is a little shit in comparison to java, ITS STILL THE SAME FUCKING GAME just be glad were not fucking fortnite players jesus its pathetic. yes this is essentially a minecraft post and what fucking about it. i told u im obsessed with it. 

i should talk about something else. perhaps my crippling procrastination? its absolutely abysmal how shit at school i am now. i get two unconditional offers and suddenly i think i dont need to do a single bit of work (its kinda true tho) i only have three classes and in doing 1 and 1/2 of them. im not even bothering studying for prelims/exams whatever the fuck because im hopeless. theres no point because even if i do end up doing the exam and i fail theres absolutely no consequences because i have 0 shame. ill walk out of an exam i failed with my head held high because i know uni will be so much better - ill only have one subject, one i actually enjoy and want to do work for (only somewhat tho, my procrastination problems still carry through, im actually doing this instead of a 15 min thing for class but whatever) ill have a reduced working day, i can focus on just one subject, ill have other things to work on too like a part time (scary) and car (exciting) and ill get to meet new people that also want to learn spanish and are interested in it too, and i want to make more friends and i want to be more independent (moving out??? hopefully but also scary) 

i cant believe im actually at a point in my life where im actually interested in the future and want to live to see it (lol yeah) like i wonder what 13 yo me would think. even 15 yo me. i wonder how 20 yo me will look back on this. hi me if ur reading. do u have a s/o?? or new friends? how many new experiences have u had? are u comfortable in ur life? struggling ? happy? i hope ur happy coz u deserve to be. i deserve to be. i hope u have a good time reading these. i dont know if ill ever forget about this blog or not. what was i talking about tho. procrastination. its horrible, I hope u get that fixed pls tell me u do. also please tell me u get better at typing.  this has accidently turned into a speaking to ur future self thing. ill stop now. 

im a very good procrastinator. and my ability to actually focus on stuff has been getting comical. idk if its the pandemics fault or mine or schools but is a bloody issue and it needs to get better. i guess its coz i just have absolutely 0 energy do do what i need to or it just absolutely does not interest me to do it and i know theres absolutely no consequences to it looool. 

every now and then theres a day where i feel very unproductive and lazy and it feels like how it used to. a sort of growing annoyance at myself and feeling like a slug. idk some days i feel teleported back to like almost 4 years ago and idk what to do about it. i used to have a coping mechanism (?) where if i felt bad about stuff id just shower, wash my hair and put on new pjs and do something i wanted to do. it kinda put me in a clearer headspace and allowed be to get out of a slump for like 20 mins. u could call it self care or whatever but it genuinely was like washing the bad thoughts away and starting anew (is that the word) like i was able to think more rationally and get back into the semi real world but i was also doing it because i never used to have a proper shower routine, i used to go days without showering or getting out of bed for much and it kinda feels good to have this little reboot thing where i just shower to get me away from straying back there. 

idk. am i articulating well enough. ive written a lot i think. is there any more updates? nothing really apart from my growing disinterest in all things school lmao. anyway until next time i suppose (will probs be either never or like june lol)

[deadmantalking117]

MEL

In my mid 30's I really started getting sick. All the time. So very sick. Up until now I was mostly ok. For the past 10 years since my diagnosis I was doing fine. But I had that Sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I had been told that I would die before I got to be 40. And there's 40.. right over there! And for the first time.. I'm really sick.. a lot. Deaths coming for me. So I did what you're supposed to do. When I got sick.. I had my Dr admit me into the hospital... that's where you go to die.. right? Some episodes were a few days.. some a few weeks. But they were many. Being fed thru a tube. IV tubes everywhere.. so many needles.. Part if my routine was walking the halls. To help recover.. it's very important to keep moving. The more you can force yourself to get up and move.. the faster you recover. It's pure Newtonian physics.. a body at rest stays at rest.. a body in motion stays in motion.. so get moving. Keep moving. Walking the halls is an ordeal. You need to bundle up all your tubes and IV's.. unplug the pumps. (They're battery backed up) and make sure you dont get tangled up and fall. But I put on my monster feet slippers and headed on out. Usually twice per day.. I would try to get 10 laps around the ward. Most times I barely noticed other people.. I'm in astonishing amounts of pain.. and focused on making the next lap. But I could see other rooms.. with other people. As I passed by one of these.. a little shell of a girl.. laying on her bed was being smacked on the back by nurses.. they had to do this several times a day to break up the phlegm in her lungs.. so she wouldn't drown. I had noticed her before.. another frequent flyer like me. This time she gave me a little smile and a weak wave. She's seen my laps.. and had started counting me. One day as I'm passing.. she called out.. "that's 6!" I stuck my head in to say a quick hello. And my entire life changed. Mel was a little waif of a girl. She was fighting a couple horrible diseases that were wasting her tiny little body.. she was terminal.. but hanging on hard.. at 19 years old.. she looked 10.. she was so frail she couldn't get out of bed... ever. I was 36-37 and facing my own mortality. But this girl never had any real life. At 19 .. She's never had a boyfriend.. or any friend.. She's been in hospital beds her entire life. Nurses were her only human contact, besides her parents. But they had to work to support their dying daughter.. so they couldn't be there a lot. I made it my mission to visit her as often as I could get out my own bed. Most days.. as I did my laps. I'd stick my head in the door.. say hi.. ask how she was doing.. always a weak little smile.. "still here" she'd joke. Thats 4! Or 5! As I hobbled past. One day when I stopped by she asked me if I wanted to come over tonight and watch a movie with her.. as a permanent guest.. she got a good t.v. and a vcr.. her mom would bring her movies. "So if you are bored and wanna come by my mom will bring me any movie I want". I have an amazing wife and family. My times in the hospital were made easier by their visits and support. I was never lonely. But this sweet dying wisp of a girl.. only had mom and dad.. and they were killing themselves working to keep her alive as long as they could. So. Movie night! I bundled up my tubes.. put on my monster feet slippers.. and headed over around 8. See.. the thing in hospitals is.. time is meaningless. 2 am.. just the same as 5pm. But mom left at 8 each night.. so she's free! Our first movie was a Ray Liotta comedy/drama called Article 99. If you wanna see a story about veterans care.. its great. A must watch. We gabbed throughout the film. Each making jokes about the movie.. or our actual lives. Or whatever.. I was stunned by how cheerful and funny she was. How could someone this ravaged be so upbeat? I remember when I left that first night.. I had this overpowering urge to give her a hug or something.. but that's impossible. She can't be touched ! The nurses had told me was written in stone.. she was so prone to infection that you had be sterilized before any contact. They had to undergo a whole routine just to treat her! The only reason I could sit with her was because we were already in the same environment.. and I didn't have anything contagious. I recall the time where I was in for a flare up. But I was also having sinus issues.. so her room was a no fly zone. When I could get up and walk.. I had to stand well back from her door and kinda yell in to her room. But she'd always have something to tell me. On days when I was too sick to get up from my bed.. we'd pass messages back and forth through the nurses.."she wants to know when you're coming by for movie night.. and what do want her mom to bring?" Tell her.." maybe tomorrow night.. ever seen Star Wars?" Things like that. Most days.. I was way too sick to get up. But I made a special effort to at least do a couple laps.. so I could say hi. She'd always update me with her "labs" her blood count.. oxygen levels.. what new drug they were going with now.. there was always a new drug. Basically let me know she still alive. I'd tell her about the family.. "Kat says hi.. she'll see you on her next visit" "kids are doing ok" things like that. This was over a time period of about 6 or 8 months..I was literally sick all the time. Most days.. I'd get up.. vomit uncontrollably for a while.. have an astonishingly painful bowel movement or 6. Try to get on with my day. Over and over I'd go back to the hospital.. 3 or 4 days usually.. couple weeks sometimes... one particular stretch of 35 days being fed thru a tube stands out. I was not a happy camper. But here was this dying girl.. who almost never got to go home. And she's better than me. It bothered her that she was happy I was sick... but it was cool that we could hang out. I remember when she confessed this.. she had a small whisper of a voice.. because of the years of damage from tubes and drains. She talked kinda like a deaf person talks. But very quietly.. a husky whisper. I can hear her even to this day.. 25 years later. Picture her laying in her bed.. She looked a bit like the actress Kate Micucci. Just a smaller wasted version. One day the nurse tells me that Mel is wanting me to stop by and visit.. she's doing really good. She also told me.. "You know she dresses up for you?" She would have the nurse comb her hair.. she even had her pretty nightgown set aside to wear when I was in the house. She had 3 or 4 different nightgowns to wear so she wouldn't always have to wear hospital gowns. But one was her favorite.. apparently she only wore it when I was there. Our total time together over this 6 or 8 month time span.. maybe a few hours total. 5 minutes here ... 10 minutes there.. it always had to be me that visited.. and I was in no shape.. and as soon as I could get up.. I was gone. We had a few movie nights. I did make her watch Star Wars.. she said she liked it.. but I remember that we always talked thru the movies.. so I don't think she even really watched it. She made me feel better.. first by motivating me to get up and walk.. but mostly by her relentlessly cheerful attitude. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you.. she was barely alive.. 19 years old.. but looked like a 10 year old who been hit by a bus. Yet there she lay.. smiling all the while. In her prettiest nightgown. One Sunday afternoon theres a knock on my door.. Kat was out shopping and I was sick on the couch watching the kiddies. I open it and there's 2 older people standing there.. GREAT.. church people.. I'm so not up for this.. I'm sick. But they weren't church people.. they were Mel's parents. MEL DIED YESTERDAY. They had gotten my address from one of the nurses.. she knew that I'd want to know. They told me how greatful they were to me. Mel loved me.. she talked about me all the time.. her mom told me she had the biggest crush on me.. if course I knew it.. but I'm choking back tears while these people I've never met tell me I was literally the only friend she ever had. She'd been born sick and wasn't expected to make it to puberty. But she stayed around for almost 20 years. Mom tells me that her numbers were always up when I was in the hospital. About how her friend Steve was back in and we're going watch such and such movie maybe tomorrow aftetnoon. About how they'd always wanted to meet me.. but she didn't want them to embarrass her in front of her friend! Dad was a butcher.. he offered to make my whole family a barbeque.. they wanted to do something for me. I was too sick to eat anything then.. but got their number and promised to call when I was up and around. I never did. Not long after Mel died. I quit going to the hospital. It wasn't her death.. it was a bunch of reasons.. mostly I felt like something had to change. But I'll tell you that story another time. Before they left my doorway.. I asked the one question I never even thought to ask Mel. I knew what diseases she had..I can't recall what they were.. some long medical thing that doesn't really do the disease justice.. like toxohistiplasmosis leukasemia. It's just a bunch of letters slapped together to try to explain the death of a beautiful young woman. Who gives a shit what you call it. I asked them.. " what is Mel short for anyways? I never asked her. Was it Melody? Or Melony?" Her name was Melissa I was her only friend for a very short period of time. And she absolutely changed my life. Her parents are likely long gone.. they appeared to be in their 60s back then.. they had no other children. Kathleen and I are probably the only people who know this person even exsisted.. even if only for brief moment in time. But she did exsist.. And she helped shape the course of my life.. simply because of who she was. She did exsist.. and I was her friend.

[adelaidecity]

Life bouy for the rain

THINK of Los Angeles and Hollywood stars, and then probably sun, surf and sand come to mind. Especially sun but theres not much of that when Watch catches up with Scottish comedian Danny Bhoy while hes on holiday in the States. In fact its pouring with rain and hes spent most of the past 48 hours holed up in his hotel room, staring at the torrential sheets of water outside. Danny (real name Danni Chaudhry) has flown some 10,000 miles from his home in wintry Scotland to get a bit of sunshine before he embarks on his Australian tour, and the forecast is for even more of the worst rain LA has seen in some time. It sounds like the start to a comedy routine, Lisa, but it really isnt the worst thing is I keep venturing outside to go to a cafe and they go isnt it great, the rain? We really needed that ..., Danny laughs. And I go well, you might have needed it but Ive just flown from Scotland for a week and this is all Im getting, I might as well have stayed at home. It seems its quite the, well, weather pattern for Danny any time he goes somewhere sunny he brings the rain with him. I must have some kind of connection to the gods, he jokes. Heres hoping the connection is strong when he brings his Age of Fools tour to Adelaide next week. We certainly could use some of the wet stuff to end our ferociously hot and dry summer. Danny workshopped Age of Fools last Adelaide Fringe in a 100-seat venue above The Howling Owl in the East End. I had to explain to people when I walked on stage that this wasnt an indication my career had gone tits up, he says. I think I used the line there hasnt been any allegations to explain the sudden drop in numbers. Originally titled Make Something Great Again For Stronger Better Future (Danny changed it after plenty of people in the UK didnt get the irony and the pisstake on the slogans and catchphrases of politics plus it was hard to fit on posters), Age of Fools is a slight departure from his usual, unique and hilarious observational storytelling. Its a slight deviation into the current delightful state of world politics from Brexit, to Trump, perhaps even a mention of Australias penchant for deposing prime ministers on a whim. Your political bingo card is filling up nicely, Danny says. Youre absolutely right but what I dont want people to think this is a political show. Its not its a show about politics. Im not taking any side specifically, but I dont leave any doubt as to where I stand on things. Its not a preachy show, its just a bit more topical that Ive usually done. Its not a complete abrupt left turn for the 44-year-old who has always dabbled in politics. But while he hopes people see it as a progressive leap in comedy terms to slightly more adult humour (no, not that kind of adult humour), he hastens to assure its not a TED talk. Over the phone, Dannys as witty and quick as you hope hed be, does he feel that pressure in everyday life to be funny? I do feel the pressure sometimes, but I dont socialise much for that very reason, he reveals. I tend to associate, certainly in my downtime, with people that know me well enough to not expect me to be funny all the time. I think Steve Martin used to say he had a card printed that had a whole load of answers to questions people would ask like what makes you laugh? Whos your favourite comedian? He literally wrote all this out on a business card and handed it out to people at parties. Thats the kind of way I feel about it sometimes but its an occupational hazard. People either want you to be funny, or they want to tell you something funny.

media_cameraDanny Bhoy.Danny finds it hard to narrow down his own favourite comedian (we just had to ask and fortunately he doesnt have a Steve Martinesque card it would be hard for him to hand that over the phone), there have been so many different influences on his comedy. But just put Billy Connolly if youre stuck, he laughs. And Danny has met his hero the only guy hes ever wanted to meet since he was kid. Some people want to meet footballers or presidents but he only ever wanted to meet Billy and the legend did not disappoint. Hes a delightful man, hes wonderful, he shares. I met him at Montreal (Comedy Festival) a few years ago. I said youve been an inspiration to me my whole life and I shook his hand and I went to walk away. He said Danny, where are you going? I said Im just going to get dinner and he went Can I come? and I said Of course you can, youre Billy Connolly. You can do whatever you want. The pair spent hours together and, while Danny admits it was nerve-racking every Scottish comedian has the shadow of Billy Connolly looming large over them it was also the most exciting thing hes ever done. Its interesting, that despite admiring Billy since he was a kid, Danny came to comedy late. He graduated from the University of Glasgow with a history degree and had vague plans of a teaching career, but took a year off to work it all out. On his bucket list was trying his hand at a stand-up gig, so he gave it a go. It was an epiphany, with Danny realising that was the thing he was always supposed to do. He possibly should have realised earlier, after leaving university he held a series of jobs. He was always fired for not taking them seriously. I would be more concerned with making people laugh than whatever it was I was supposed to be selling, Danny says. I realised this is something that had always been there but I hadnt actually put it all together. Aussie fans are certainly glad he did eventually get it all together. Hes toured here extensively and it is correct to assume he spends more time here than any other country, outside of his country of birth. Although a quick search of his Facebook page shows Scottish fans miss him, posting what about coming home to Scotland to do a gig or three? We all miss you here . Replies include He seems to only do Australia. Its funny, Lisa, because a lot of people in the UK think I live in Australia which sounds great but it means I dont get any work, Danny laughs. Promotors say I would have booked you but I thought you lived in Australia. Ive spent the last five years trying to convince them I dont live in Australia. Wed love to have him here on a more permanent basis especially if he brings the rains with him. Danny Bhoy, Age of Fools, March 12-17 https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/entertainment/confidential/danny-bhoys-searching-for-sunshine-in-the-rain/news-story/20f5e45d37b2bb07b7a3af26c88a9ba2

[hoekage-chan]

You should answer all the hella cute questions

yall about to learn so much about me

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? -uhh someone i went on a date w yesterday lmao2. Are you outgoing or shy? -im pretty outgoing, i only seem shy since i dont want to be cringey lol3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? -my friends ig lmao4. Are you easy to get along with? -yes! i love talking to people5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? -probs not, but like im not close enough to ask that of them, and im gucci w that6. What kind of people are you attracted to? -stylish, confident, funny, good taste in music, seems like they would ruin my life7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? -bih i dont know i always find myself in something so maybe8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? -yee some guy i went out w friday c:9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? -nope im an open book10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? -probably my friends lmao (shout out to the 24hr diner ty for letting us just get fries and soda everytime)11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? -BIH I KNOW OMG IM DEAD12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? -glow like dat, faygo dreamns, killamonjaro, need you, love me13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? -yes omg easiest way to get me whipped lmao14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? -yes!15. What good thing happened this summer? -i met up w all my friends again16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? -uhh some guy i went out w yesterday lol17. Do you think there is life on other planets? -yah the world is too big for it to just be us18. Do you still talk to your first crush? -nope! i dont even know what has happened to them19. Do you like bubble baths? -yes. bath life is the best life20. Do you like your neighbors? -i dont kno my neighbors21. What are you bad habits? -i respond rlly late to things22. Where would you like to travel? -japan, korea, places w good food23. Do you have trust issues? -yah lmao that shit gets thrown in my face24. Favorite part of your daily routine? -my makeup! only reason i get up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? -everything26. What do you do when you wake up? -regret having an 9am class or regret staying up lmao27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? -uhh either tbh, i just dont rlly like the tone in general28. Who are you most comfortable around? -my friends c: i hang out w them for a reason29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? -lmfao nope 30. Do you ever want to get married? -kinda... i wouldnt mind it31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? -yeeeeeee32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? -... michael b jordan for sure and uhh maybe chris hemsworth??33. Spell your name with your chin. -no34. Do you play sports? What sports? -i used to swim but i just lift now35. Would you rather live without TV or music? -tv omg ill die w out my playlist36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? -ALL THE TIME 37. What do you say during awkward silences? -anything so they dont feel awkward38. Describe your dream girl/guy? -nice, big dick energy, good taste in music, warm in general lol39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? -f21, h&m, khols, target40. What do you want to do after high school? -well i went to college so theres that41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? -sometimes they do, but if they hurt u rlly badly then maybe its best they dont42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? -im tired, high, thinking, or confused43. Do you smile at strangers? -yeee44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? -bottom of the ocean omg45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? -the fear of failing another class46. What are you paranoid about? -my life in general47. Have you ever been high? -yes48. Have you ever been drunk? -yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? -not really lmao50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? -navy blue51. Ever wished you were someone else? -sometimes i do52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? -uhh everything lol53. Favourite makeup brand? -juvias place54. Favourite store? -........... i actually dont kno lmao55. Favourite blog? -... imma be real i dont even kno who i follow anymore tbh56. Favourite colour? -green57. Favourite food? -spam58. Last thing you ate? -rice59. First thing you ate this morning? -water60. Ever won a competition? For what? -if i did it was a swim competition61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? -nope im a good noodle62. Been arrested? For what? -nope63. Ever been in love? -yah64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? -i inv my friend to come over, we chill at my house, he asks if we can do something friends dont normally do, we kissed and then we did other stuff >:)65. Are you hungry right now? -not rlly lol66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? -nah lmao 67. Facebook or Twitter? -twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? -tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? -nope70. Names of your bestfriends? -i dont put names on the internet lmao71. Craving something? What? -spam72. What colour are your towels? -like a teal/sea green color72. How many pillows do you sleep with? -273. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? -yes 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? -5 for sure at my apartment and at least 5 back home75. Favourite animal? -sea otters76. What colour is your underwear? -blue/white77. Chocolate or Vanilla? -choloclate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? -chocolate or matcha79. What colour shirt are you wearing? -.......... 80. What colour pants? -........................81. Favourite tv show? -golden girls82. Favourite movie? -uhh i guess either to all the boys i loved before or the breakfast club83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? -mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? -mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? -all too iconic to choose from86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? -crush87. First person you talked to today? -my snap streaks88. Last person you talked to today? -welp days not over yet so....89. Name a person you hate? -i dont rlly hate anyone rn90. Name a person you love? -my friends!! they deserve everyting91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? -dumbass bitches92. In a fight with someone? -nope miss me with that bs93. How many sweatpants do you have? -294. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? -too many95. Last movie you watched? -into the spiderverse96. Favourite actress? -kiera knightly97. Favourite actor? -michael b jordan98. Do you tan a lot? -not anymore99. Have any pets? -i have a doggo back home100. How are you feeling? -fucking cold omg101. Do you type fast? -probably lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past? -yah but i try not to dwell on it103. Can you spell well? -NOPE LMAO 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? -nah lmfao105. Ever been to a bonfire party? -nope but it seems fun106. Ever broken someone’s heart? -probably i can be p distant so i wouldnt put it past me107. Have you ever been on a horse? -yeee108. What should you be doing? -studying109. Is something irritating you right now? -the fact im a bitchass lmao110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? -a couple times111. Do you have trust issues? -yah like i answered eariler112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? -my friends (at the diner lmfao)113. What was your childhood nickname? -shark bait, mosquito bait114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? -yeee115. Do you play the Wii? -used too116. Are you listening to music right now? -heck yeah i got a 15hr playlist on rn117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? -not rlly118. Do you like Chinese food? -yeee119. Favourite book? -uhhh its basic but animal farm (or maybe to all the boys i loved before)120. Are you afraid of the dark? -not rlly121. Are you mean? -nah i cant do it, but i feel like some would see me being distant/roasty as mean tho soooo122. Is cheating ever okay? -depends on the context of everything123. Can you keep white shoes clean? -barely124. Do you believe in love at first sight? -yes125. Do you believe in true love? -yes! i believe everyone has a soulmate out there126. Are you currently bored? -kinda lmao127. What makes you happy? -cute things, blankets, music, food, my friends, cuddling128. Would you change your name? -nah, ive thought about it tho129. What your zodiac sign? -scorpiHOE130. Do you like subway? -its aight131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? -test the waters, you never kno what will happen132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? -my friends (at the diner lmao)133. Favourite lyrics right now? - gusto ko lang naman ang lambing mo (i want to kiss you)134. Can you count to one million? probs in japanese but ill loose focus (esp in english omg)135. Dumbest lie you ever told? -too many to choose from (and i dont wanna expose myself)136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? -closed137. How tall are you? -5′7″138. Curly or Straight hair? -either or139. Brunette or Blonde? -ive been both soooo140. Summer or Winter? -winter (but i like summer style)141. Night or Day? -night all the way142. Favourite month? -november (my bday month)143. Are you a vegetarian? -nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? -dark145. Tea or Coffee? -tea146. Was today a good day? -it was ok (it wasnt bad but it wasnt good)147. Mars or Snickers? -either148. What’s your favourite quote? -getchu a mans that treats you like a queen in the streets and a slave in the sheets149. Do you believe in ghosts? -yah and i dont fuck with them150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? -nope that shits a textbook and i dont want to look at it

damn that was a lot to type but uhh now yall know shit about me

[queerloquial]

every odd question~

How did you choose your name?

ive just always favored magpies, so the word ended up in two of my urls (this one, and my original, steam-powered-magpie) and eventually turned into what people call me

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

social, definitely. i really only experience discomfort with my body based on what people around me see when they look at me- they see certain traits and assume ‘this is a girl’, so sometimes i do what i can to change or hide those traitsWhat was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

trans, specifically- probably when i was 19/20 and learning more about being nonbinary and the various words i could use to identify myself

being not cis- i remember being as young as ¾/5 and thinking ‘i am not a girl at all >:(’

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

the first thing in my head was ‘i can pick my own name!’How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

im really only out here on tumblr (where i just edited my about page), and to my sister (who follows me & read my about every time i update it) and best friend (who i told in conversation somewhere, fairly casually)

im not out to anyone else irl because i live with and around a lot of people who are very against anyone who isnt a middle-class-or-higher white able-bodied neurotypical cis het conservative protestant christian

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

ive never used a real binder- only sports bras a size or two smaller than i wear normally- but im strongly considering getting one when im more financially stableWhat (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

ive thought vaguely about top surgery or starting t, but they dont appeal to me nearly as much as just binding and wearing guys clothesWhat labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

i was a demigirl at one point, and used to go by she/her pronouns. now i only use those with people im not out toWhat do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

i use the womens room by choice, its habit by this point and i do so love my routines. i did once have a gas station attendant accidentally unlock the mens room for me- i was wearing baggy clothing and had my hair up in my hat- and having them assume from a glance that i was not in fact a woman was very niceWould you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

is that different from being closeted? if not, i do it because i dont feel particularly safe being properly outWhy do you use the pronouns you use?

they/them is a nice neutral set of pronouns that already fit neatly into common grammar

also im plural, so, bonus pointsWhat’s your biggest trans-related fear?

being known as trans by the people i currently live with/around & them reacting the way i think they wouldWhat do you wish cis people understood?

well that trans people are fucking human, for one. i cant tell you how many times my mom has heard about trans kids on the news and proceeded to talk about each one and call them “it”… 

also that gender is not male/female, that presentation does not equal identity, that medically transitioning is not the only way to be trans or nonbinary/that not everyones medical transition is the same (some people take hormones, some get one surgery, some go all-out, some people dont want to medically transition at all)What do you do to validate yourself?

bind and put on my gayest flannel and my nice heavy boots and tuck my hair into the collar of my shirt. looking less obviously-feminine clears up a lotHow are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

i reblog trans/nb positivity posts and occasionally do gender-related dragon age headcanons, but thats about itWhat trans issue are you most passionate about?

uhhhhh being treated as human i guessHow do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

i think there might be some effect from being poor and fat- something along the lines of ‘society at large doesnt see me as a real woman anyways/i cant perform femininity to the required degree so why not be genderless’. theres definitely pull from being neurodivergent; thats actually my Real Identity definition. ‘gendervague- gender or lack thereof influenced by mental illness’. i use agender for conveniences sake, but at the core, i feel like if i didnt have all the brain things that i do then i would have a genderDo you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

non-gender with left masculineHow did/do you manage waiting to transition?

with my current living and financial situation, waiting is kinda mandatory, so its just. thats life, theres no changing it without drastic action that i dont know if im comfortable taking right nowDo you interact with other trans people IRL?

to my knowledge, no, but they could be closeted or just not disclosing their gender to me

[artificialcats]

1 - 150

omg thanks answers under the cut bc this is going to b long

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

tbh dont even remember but ive never like, held hands w anyone ~romantically~ or w/e

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SHY but i have my more outgoing moments every once in a while

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Quinn!!! and my other friends and my sister back home :-) and my cat

4. Are you easy to get along with?

uhh idk? i guess?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

tbh dont know 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

nice ones. cute ones. ones interested in the same stuff as me ?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

my friend did a tarot reading for me a week ago and when i asked if id have a gf this year the answer was not good lmao so doubtful

8. Who from another gender is on your mind?

idk?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

im p indifferent

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

tbh my memory is garbage idk

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“signing tomorrow at 3:30″ cryptic out of context

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

the traveller- beach house (just walked to it in a fashion show! its good), boyfriend--best coast, sleepover--hayley kiyoko, forever (pt II)--snakehips, and a variety of tennis songs i cant choose from 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

ya

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

not particularly

15. What good thing happened this summer?

last summer i got to do a bunch of fun stuff w different friends! 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ive never kissed anyone before LMAO (last “person” ive ever kissed was my cat on the head and ya id do that again)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I MEAN like the universe is so expansive theres no way theres NOT some other form of life out there 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

lmao no 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

nah i dont like baths 

20. Do you like your neighbors?

at home yes (QUINN!!) and no (dont talk to anyone else) 

21. What are you bad habits?

nail picking, a lot of other stuff im too tired to list rn

22. Where would you like to travel?

would love to road trip it across the west

23. Do you have trust issues?

maybe? idk

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

moisturizing 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

tbh feeling p good abt my body rn.. maybe my shoulders.. ive always disliked how square they r..

26. What do you do when you wake up?

p much immediately get in the shower

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

never thought abt it

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

i dont have any exes

30. Do you ever want to get married?

maybe someday but not for a loooong long time

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

no

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

im ace so like,, none of them 

33. Spell your name with your chin.

losauirtfsa

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

nope. used to play tennis tho

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

probably tv. love music too much

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

HA ofc living that life rn

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

uh probably nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

nice, supportive, is willing to dance around to/sing along w 70s/80s/2000s music w me 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

thrift stores probably.. never know what youre going to find

40. What do you want to do after high school?

well rn im in college and thats p much what i was going for in high school so 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

nah

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

probably just that i dont feel like talking? or im tired

43. Do you smile at strangers?

usually

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space theres some whack stuff in the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

idk

46. What are you paranoid about?

a looot of things LMAO

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

sometimes but usually just in like a ‘they look rlly cool’ or ‘i rlly like their style’ kind of way like just kind of envious

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

probably like, throwing my depression out the window

53. Favourite makeup brand?

dont wear makeup enough lmao

54. Favourite store?

tbh dont rlly have one also this is rlly similar to  previous question?

55. Favourite blog?

i love the househunting blog but idk if i rlly have a favorite

56. Favourite colour?

PINK

57. Favourite food? 

chicken bc theres so much good stuff u can do w it

58. Last thing you ate?

mini twix bar 

59. First thing you ate this morning?

eggs on toast

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yea won a couple different ones for art related stuff

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love? 

platonically ya romantically no i dont think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

a short one: never happened

65. Are you hungry right now?

no ive been snacking all night lol

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tumblr friends p much are my rl friends so,, no

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

quinn

71. Craving something? What?

the sweet warm embrace of my bed

72. What colour are your towels?

one is pastel blue one is black/white/grey stripe

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yea. i have a big pusheen plush and at home a mini dino pillow pet n a cat plush

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like.. 3 i think? i used to have a L O T 

75. Favourite animal?

cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

once i had cardamom n it was rlly rlly good 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white w blue stripes

80. What colour pants?

jean overalls

81. Favourite tv show?

OOGH rn the getdown, stranger things, parks n rec, x files, downton abbey, charmed, a lot, 

82. Favourite movie?

jurassic park

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

neither

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

neither

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

dont have one

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

idk maybe nemo? never rlyl though abt it

87. First person you talked to today?

my mom

88. Last person you talked to today?

my sister

89. Name a person you hate?

idk

90. Name a person you love?

all my friends

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

not anyone i kno personally

92. In a fight with someone?

idk

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

like one pair and i never wear them lmao

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

a couple

95. Last movie you watched?

ella enchanted

96. Favourite actress?

no one comes to mind ?

97. Favourite actor?

idk jeff goldblum? 

98. Do you tan a lot?

no

99. Have any pets?

yes!! two cats

100. How are you feeling?

tired but ok

101. Do you type fast?

i think so yea

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

idk

103. Can you spell well?

im ok

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

kind of but i know we’re so different now we probably wouldnt even get along.. its not a miss i feel all the time tho more of a ‘we knew each other for so long its kind of sad we grew apart’

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i want to say yes but it wasnt like a party party

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

not that i know

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes

108. What should you be doing?

my homework 

109. Is something irritating you right now?

school. im ready to get out of here

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

i dont think so

111. Do you have trust issues?

wasnt this question already asked

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my friend steph i think (over the final fantasy ending LMAO)

113. What was your childhood nickname?

i dont think i had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yea

115. Do you play the Wii?

not a lot no

116. Are you listening to music right now?

yep (rn its 0 to 100 by drake on shuffle)

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

not really. i like the broth tho

118. Do you like Chinese food?

ya

119. Favourite book?

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

depends

121. Are you mean?

i try not to be

122. Is cheating ever okay?

nah

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

NO LMAO i have a bad habit of standing on my own feet my white shoes r so gross

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

idk

125. Do you believe in true love?

idk

126. Are you currently bored?

not rlly

127. What makes you happy?

my friends, cats, pink, good food, nature, making my own art, old houses n rooms, lots of stuff

128. Would you change your name?

never thought about it

129. What your zodiac sign?

aries

130. Do you like subway?

not rlly

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

what

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

im p sure this ? was already asked

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

y

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

dont remember but lots of em

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed. i cant sleep w them open 

137. How tall are you?

5′10″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have straight hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

im blonde? i dont kno if theses r refering to me or what i prefer on other people?

140. Summer or Winter? 

summer

141. Night or Day?

tbh a tie

142. Favourite month?

dont have one!

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

neither

146. Was today a good day?

it was ok

147. Mars or Snickers?

no preference

148. What’s your favourite quote?

dont have one

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

i mean i dont not believe in ghosts

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

“Grant said “what did you think?”” -Jurassic Park

[sadrien]

what’s the stitch? | pt.1

on ao3

from the high school senior that brought you wanna chat? comes another chat fic that no one asked for

just so we're all on the same page, alya has the fox miraculous, nino the turtle, and chloe the bee. i latched onto this team of miraculous holders a while back and now i'm just throwing up random stuff. initially i wasn't going to write more than a small snip of this but @breeeliss​ is a horrible enabler (<3)

i'm still working on the dynamics for them, especially since they're still getting to know each other, so sorry if it's rough

anyway let's do this

18:23

Cat: What does this do? Oh COOL

Bee: what in fresh hell is this

Turtle: yo wassup this is rad wait lemme see…

Fox: HELLA

Ladybug: Chat what the hell did you do

Cat: Hey don’t blame me for being bored

There are fun settings on these things and I wanted to explore them

Fox: this is rad as hECK

Bee: i hate you all

Fox: this is going to be lit i cant believe i can text the crew through a weapon the magic whatevers that created these things knew what was up

Turtle has changed their name to michael angelo

michael angelo: hell yeah

Cat: Whoa what we can do that!!

Bee: this is going to be the most obnoxious chat ever i can feel it let me leave

Cat has changed their name to :3

Bee: holy shit let me out wait why the hell don’t these things have emojis i am personally offended

:3: Ah yes let me just call up the ancient gods and ask them to install emojis on our weapons

Bee: listen here you piece of shit

Fox has changed their name to foxy lady

Bee: can i give back my miraculous i don’t want it anymore

foxy lady: this is the best thing to ever happen

michael angelo: aYO

:3: I love it It’s like a less awful skype

Ladybug: Can we maybe try to keep this for talking about where akumas are?

:3: Hmmm

foxy lady: i mean we COULD

Bee has changed their name to beeutiful

beeutiful: ;*

michael angelo: yeah no way thats happening ladybug

:3: Its bonding!!!

Ladybug: Now I want to leave

:3: Awww join in on the fun my lady! Please??? Team bonding

foxy lady: @chat do u know how 3 get youtube on these things ive got videos to send

beeutiful: ummm what sort of videos?

foxy lady: ;)

michael angelo: if you send a meme ILL give up my miraculous

foxy lady: good we dont need u

Ladybug: Did you say team bonding??

:3: Yes that’s exactly what this is Duh

 6:13

michael angelo: well shit i really hope your kwami alert you of messages or something cause im actually going to use this the way its supposed to be used akuma at eiffel tower

 6:17

beeutiful: disgusting i’ll be there in a minute

:3: You’ll BEE there?

beeutiful: im going to punt you off the tower

foxy lady: i ws going to tell u 2 shut up unfortunate wheres the bug @

michael angelo: um??? backup??????? please????

foxy lady: OH right omw

 6:19

Ladybug: Ill be there in a sec

 6:48

foxy lady: i cant believe u all bolted like that i was gonna ask if we could do breakfast

Ladybug: I’m about to destransform, sorry! Ill talk to you all later but really since my kwami can only tell me that I have a message but not whats in it please try not to talk here too much I wont be able to tell whats important

:3: I can’t beelieve this

beeutiful: im literally going to rip your head off

foxy lady: everything is important anyway food i guess ill find some on my own then on my own pretending hes beside me :’(

beeutiful: @ladybug if you figure out how to mute this please let me know because oh my god

michael angelo: bro im just gonna snag a bag of chips before class

:3: Healthy

michael angelo: what was the last thing you ate cat boy?

:3: You’re going to judge me

beeutiful: im always judging you

foxy lady: oooooo

michael angelo: what are you a health nut or osmething cn?

:3: Not by choice

foxy lady: unfortunate

michael angelo: alright next patrol were getting super cheap pizza

foxy lady: and fries and milkshakes and possibly also hamburgers superheroing makes me hungry

beeutiful: ewwwww

foxy lady: dont like junk food???

beeutiful: no!!! its greasy and disgusting and sooo bad for your skin like who wants to deal with THAT

:3: Ok true I don’t have time to deal with acne

foxy lady: u both have unfairly perfect skin

michael angelo: ^^ true tho how do you manage that??

beeutiful: good genes and a fantastic skin care routine sure i’m naturally gorgeous but it takes a little work to reach true perfection

:3: So many different types of scrubs and creams So many that I could drown in them And also makeup Usually concealer and foundation every day

beeutiful: true my contour btw? art

foxy lady: thats cool but u havent seen my cat eye

:3: ;)

michael angelo: yeahhh makeup isnt my jam i suck at it 0/10 not attempting again

beeutiful: what!!!! makeup is EVERYONES jam i mean if you don’t like it whatever but with practice and patience you too can look as good as moi if you think you don’t look good with makeup on it’s just cause you’re not doing it right trust me

foxy lady: yeah bro if we didnt have these masks id totally do u up during patrol one night

:3: Add that to the list of things to do if we ever reveal our identities Makeovers

michael angelo: theres a list???

beeutiful: wait i thought we could never ever tell each other ever boss’ rules

:3: A cat boy can dream

foxy lady: do we think ladybug likes makeup

beeutiful: oh my god the most important question shit i’m about to detransform anyway check out my contour next time we’re out because it’s flawless

michael angelo: im out too ive been pushing it later dudes

foxy lady: and then there were two

:3: Benefits of using catacylsm at the end I guess

foxy lady: :P this miiiiight b difficult if we can only use it when transform eh w/e ill take what i can get

:3: Same honestly

 17:34

foxy lady: im bored and my actual friends are busy

 17:39

michael angelo: so we arent your friends then

beeutiful: i am not your friend

foxy lady: wow rude

michael angelo: what saving paris together doesnt make us friends?

beeutiful: as if!! being my friend is a privilege it’s like getting access to an exclusive club

foxy lady: soooooooooooo u dont have many friends then

beeutiful: fuck you i have plenty of friends

:3: Children please Ladybug is literally going to have my head

michael angelo: broski you were talking wiht us earlier

:3: Yeah but I didn’t have her glare burning holes into my soul the entire time

foxy lady: UR!!!!!!!!WITH LADYBUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:3: Yeah of course I’m with Ladybug?

beeutiful: and why exactly were we not invited??

:3: Parents need alone time sometimes

michael angelo: oh my god

foxy lady: #rude #betrayal #urnotmyrealdad #ettuchatnoir #whentheydontloveuback

beeutiful: stop before i hunt you down and stop you myself

foxy lady: #fucku

michael angelo: question is lb seriously that annoyed

:3: She’s not thrilled Hmmm how to Got it

:3 has sent a photo [selfie of Chat Noir smiling and holding up a peace sign with an unamused Ladybug in the background]

michael angelo: well thats a look i never want to face head on

foxy lady: rip u id face it down if it meant i got to spend more time w ladybug

beeutiful: fangirl much

foxy lady: oh shut up i kno ur the same

beeutiful: oh do you????

foxy lady: ummm yeaH i remember our first day do u

beeutiful: shit

michael angelo: i like to block most of that day from my memories

beeutiful: no one asked you shellhead

:3: Children please Wait really?

michael angelo: ehhh i mean it was really cool and life changing and all that shit but also i embarrassed myself in front of two of the most awesome people ever so yeah

beeutiful: kiss up

michael angelo: listen my dude i was not ready to be a superhero before this the most exercise i got was climbing the stairs to my apartment and the occasional run from akumas

Ladybug: To be fair Chat and I werent ready either

foxy lady: !!!!!!!!!! she speaks!!! ok but ive been prepping to b a superhero since i was like 4

beeutiful: same actually

:3: I watched way too much Sailor Moon not to be ready But I still wasn’t ready Lots of face planting

Ladybug: It gets easier and you have chat and I for help You dont have to figure this all out on your owns

:3: True Doing it by ourselves was unfurrtunate

beeutiful: moment ruined

foxy lady: im tearing up thank u i feel loved

michael angelo: ok so who wants to teach me tricks to get out of class and work for akuma attacks because bru h

:3: Uhhhh

Ladybug: Um

:3: You’re on your own good luck

beeutiful: wow you’re a great mentor we’re so lucky to have you

Ladybug: Be creative in your lies and dont repeat the same ones too often??? But also dont get too extravagant because then its a mess and gets out of hand Now stop messaging here its annoying!!!!!!!!!!!

 19:03

:3: Does anyone have cheese?

Ladybug: Chat if this isnt relevant I will end you

:3: I swear it is!

beeutiful: umm yes why??

:3: I need some We’re out and I didn’t realize Could you meet me somewhere with it?

beeutiful: i guess if it’s that important? what kind

:3: It is that important Anything If you have camembert that But anything

michael angelo: how is this relevant

:3: Grumpy hungry kwami

beeutiful: i have camembert how do you not have food for your kwami?

:3: It’s been a long week sue me Tower in ten?

beeutiful: i can’t believe i’m doing this but yes you owe me whiskers

 19:11

foxy lady: thisll be the weirdest brush contact paris has ever seen