#theres one manager who. I think. is a lesbian? I’m not sure though but I’m getting a strong feeling she is

[persephonaae]

It’s so refreshing that there are queer people where I work, it is so comforting

[fandomsoverlife]

A lot to unpack (Vanya Hargreeves x reader)

I strayed a little from the original ask (Hey, could you write something for fem!reader x vanya? Reader meets the rest of the fam and she’s super nervous but ends up with having a lot of fun? Thank you!) by making Vanya the nervous one.

Anyway, word count: 1562. Summary, fem!reader (lesbian/bi/pan, it’s not precisely mentioned) meets the umbrella academy while her GF Vanya is out of the house. Theres mild fluff and the reader being a protective girlfriend. Warnings: mentions of the word homophobia, nervousness, and an excessive love of Hozier.

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It all started quite a few months ago with a weird man and a cute girl, and you of course.

You couldn’t exactly recall what had happened, but you ended up with a cute girlfriend and a happier existence.

Somehow though, you had managed to not meet most of her family. You had met Klaus and Diego, and the little one who acted much older than he looked had made himself comfortable in your shared home one time but quickly left when you arrived so you had no clue what his name even was (you had a thought perhaps it was Fred? Phil? Something that started with an F, you knew that much), and you had had conversations about Allison but you had yet to meet her. And you hadn’t met the other one (she didn’t like talking about him so you didn’t push it - you were not going to make her uncomfortable because you knew her childhood was fucked up).

Vanya was out, doing something regarding violins or sheet music, you couldn’t quite remember. You were busy spring cleaning and working your ass off to make your new apartment shine, which included unpacking everything you owned.

That is, until you heard a knock on your door.

And you weren’t expecting anyone, at least to your knowledge.

So when you opened your door to see several people standing in the hall waiting to be let in you could’ve passed out from shock.

“Hey Y/N, we’re here for house warming!” That was a voice you recognized, it was Klaus. You loved Klaus, and he loved you right back. “Sorry for coming without warning, none of them are patient enough to call you or Vanya.”

“I’m sorry, what’s going on?”

“Where’s Vanya?”

Now that, that right there was a voice you didn’t recognize and it made you uncomfortable. “Who are you?”

“Oh, that’s just Luther, sweets. Don’t sweat it.”

You stood to the side to let the horde of people through, only recognizing two of them (aside from Klaus and Diego). The little one and Allison. The giant man, on the other hand, was a complete and utter mystery to you. That must be the one who Vanya wasn’t comfortable talking about.

“So where is Vanya, I thought this was her apartment.” That was the little one, Frank? Was that his name?

“Five, be polite. Vanya and Y/N live together.” Diego said, giving you a side hug as he saw the look of mild panic and confusion on your face as everyone tried to get comfortable in your apartment. “Is that the Hozier guy?’

Diego was of course referring to the music playing from your record player in the kitchen. And it was Hozier, he was right.

“Oh yeah, lesbians love Hozier.” Klaus laughed as he found one of the cats (he had found Turtle, and was busy giving her tummy rubs).

“Lesbians?”

You turned to look at the three people you didn’t know, eyebrows raised - just waiting for some homophobic response or for a gross one, you weren’t sure what to expect. “What’s wrong with lesbians?”

“I love lesbians, or bisexuals, or pansexuals - especially the one who saved our sister from causing the apocalypse!” Klaus held Turtle in one arm and wrapped the other arm around your shoulder as you stood facing the mystery people in your living room. “Now, I thought our dear dead father taught you guys manners! Introduce yourselves! Or I’ll do it for you.”

Klaus raised his eyebrows expectantly. “And I’ll share embarrassing stories about you as I do it. For example, Luth-“

“Shut up Klaus.” It was the little one again, walking up to you and holding his hand out. “Five.”

“Y/N.” You shook his hand, thinking to yourself about how strange that name was.

“I’m Allison, sorry we barged in on your peaceful Saturday morning. That’s Luther, over there, sitting like he’s in shock.” The woman you recognized, walking up to you to shake hands with you.

“You’re fine, I just wasn’t expecting any of you. Obviously.” You motioned to the clothes you had on, which was one of Vanya’s many button up shirts and spandex shorts. “So, you’re all of her siblings, right? I know that she has six, but I just wanna know if there are more people that will be coming to our place.”

“Well you know Ben is here in spirit, as per usual. Where is our sister, though?” Klaus asked, looking out one of the windows in your living room.

“She went to uh, do something involving the orchestra. I don’t exactly remember what. Its been a long morning.” You grumbled, returning to trying to unpack books. “I think she was picking up sheet music for a concert or for a student, I have no clue anymore.”

“How do you not know where she is?” There’s that voice again, the one you didn’t recognize.

“She’s my girlfriend, not my prey. I don’t need to know where she is at all times, that’s kinda unhealthy.”

“She could be dangerous, you know?”

You turned to face him. “Okay, sweetie I am gonna stop you right there. She went through something, that I know. But I know that she would never hurt someone on purpose and actually mean to do it. And from what your brothers have told me, you could be dangerous too. So I don’t wanna hear it. Now, we are going to start over. Hi, I’m Y/N and I’m very happily in a relationship with your sweet, angel of a sister. What’s your name?”

He looked at you in shock, and so did the people around you (excluding Diego, he knew you could get like this - he’d seen you defend Klaus from assholes in a Waffle House one time). “Uh, I am, uh, my name is Luther. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too! Now I’m very grateful to meet you all but let me just say this; if any of you say anything bad about Vanya ever, and I mean ever - if you even look at her wrong - you will not be permitted in this apartment!” You smiled brightly, looking at everyone. “Now that that’s out of the way, does anyone want any coffee?”

When Vanya got back she had brought your favorite coffee with her, ready for snuggles and kisses from her favorite girl. Needless to say, she was very caught off guard by the sight of her family helping you unpack the kitchen. Luther had a heavy duty mixer in on arm and a food processor in the other, kindly asking you where you wanted them. Allison was organizing books by author, scratching one of your cats behind the ears (that one was Bagel, and Klaus still had Turtle in his arms as danced around the apartment to Hozier’s smooth voice and beautiful acoustics) while Five and Diego put plates and silverware away.

“What’s going on?” She asked, walking up beside you and handing you the coffee she had brought for you.

“Well it seems like everyone heard you moved and wanted to see what the place looked like.” You looked over at her, smiling. “I roped them into unpacking things with me.”

“I’m guessing you met the rest of the family then?” She looked nervous, which confused you. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

You turned to face her, rubbing your thumbs along her cheeks and smiling. “Don’t worry, baby, I still like you the most.”

You winked at her, playfully, pressing a kiss to her cheek before taking her hand and leading her to a different room. “I didn’t know where you wanted your violin stuff so I have it sitting in the office, with your box of sheet music and a new bow.”

“A new bow?” She asked, an excitement lighting up her eyes. “Did you?”

“Luther did.” You whispered, rubbing her arm comfortingly. “He said he wants to make up for what happened before we got together.”

Vanya took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t, y/n I don’t know how to react to any of this.”

“I know this is a lot. And it’s overwhelming. And I know I certainly wasn’t expecting it either. And you didn’t want me to meet them this way, but I think maybe this is better than it could’ve gone if it was planned.”

“Why do you say that?” She asked, intertwining her fingers with yours.

“I’m not sure, but it feels right. Besides, who doesn’t love surprises?” You smile, pulling her close.

“Neither of us like surprises, it’s one of the reasons we work so well together.”

“And because I love you.” You slide your arms around her waist and pout. “Kiss?”

She smiled, that sweet soft smile that could make flowers grow and make joint pain fade, before planting a careful kiss onto your mouth. “Kiss.”

“Do you wanna go back out there? Or should I kick them out?”

She pursed her lips, her fingers tightening around yours quickly before letting out a long breath. “I think we can let them stay. Besides, they’re helping us unpack.”

“It’s less work for us, so that’s gonna make it easy to settle in faster. And the cats love the extra attention.”

Vanya smiled, looking at you with a softness in her gaze that made your heart flutter. “I love you, ya know.”

“Don’t I know it.”

[alexithemandalorian]

I figured I should prooobably get off my butt and finally introduce my characters, so here they are! I apologize in advance for the screenshots, I've never edited anything in my life aside from cropping and i’m using what I have handy.

This is my Sith Inquisitor, Sh’ortii, or as he’s otherwise known, Darth Imperius. My friend came up with the name after I told them that one of my main goals making him was simply for him to be short because the concept of a small Sith is absolutely hilarious. Since his jokey beginnings, he’s taken on a life of his own. 

Very much unlike most Sith, he actually possesses some amount of kindness and morals. He doesn’t hesitate to do what is necessary to achieve his goals, but he doesn’t go out of the way to be needlessly cruel. Be forewarned that that doesn’t mean he wont zap you if you don’t cooperate. Him and Talos get along because they’re both archaeology nerds.

His greatest ally and friend is the Emperor’s Wrath. They met back on Korriban and have been helping each other out ever since. In all honesty the Wrath is something of a dumbass, so Sh’ortii holds most of the brain cells in this friendship.

I’m not 100% decided on what exactly, but he’s somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and bi-romantic.

Fun fact: I use his funds to fill the legacy bank so all my other characters have access to money. This leads to hilarious things like thinking about why a Jedi is getting most of their funds from a freaking Sith. Not sure if i’ll do anything with that tidbit, but considering the fact that I make a lot of decisions based on what I find cool/funny, I might bring it up eventually.

Here we have my Jedi Knight, Lathell! She’s my second character, and I love her a lot, despite not enjoying her story so much. I really hope that the story picks up sometime, hopefully since i’m off Taris now which I've heard a few people say is a bit of a drag.

She had a strong sense of justice and is driven to achieve her goals, but she’s maaaaybe a little more pragmatic than the Jedi like. Definitely not evil, but she’s done a few things that would get her seriously side eyed if they came to light. Her whole battle strategy is “hit them harder and more than they hit you,” so like... maybe don’t come to her looking for insight into Cool Force Stuff.

I haven't figured out how, but she and Sh’ortii know each other, and they somehow get along, despite the whole Sith/Jedi thing. 

Also she’s a big beefy lesbian and I think that’s great.

This is my wonderfully pretty smuggler, Yukca! I made him after messing around in the character creator and finding out that male Twi’leks can wear makeup!!! His name is courtesy of a different friend than the one I play with, who kept insisting that I name him Mr Yuk after the poison control sticker because both him and the sticker are green. I said I wouldn’t name him Mr Yuk, but if I could come up with a decent name with Yuk in it i’d use that.

I don’t have his backstory completely locked down, but he’s childhood friends with my friend’s trooper character. They don’t do their class stuff together, but they keep seeing each other in the same places. They are constantly dodging each other because Yukca is always doing illegal stuff and his childhood friend is in the republic military so that’s really awkward. Nobody wants to arrest/get arrested by a friend. They still meet up in cantinas and hang out on purpose or otherwise though.

He always has a witty thing to say, and he’s pretty resourceful. He also might be a smuggler, but he understands the value of fashion and looking fabulous.

He’s pretty bi and when I finally get the chance to flirt with dudes i’m so going to take it.

also @ bioware can you please let all the guy characters wear makeup im begging you

Last up is my agent, Demyur! He’s my most recent character so i’m still getting a bead on his personality but like all my other characters I absolutely love him. Naming him was a job and a half, but after using a name generator, and a lot of thinking, I finally managed to get him a name. Please don’t ask me to come up with his full Chiss name because I will literally flop over in frustration

Also his name is derived from the word “demur” so its kinda meaningful

Your first impression of him would probably be that he’s a model agent; reserved, clever, and loyal. Underneath that though, you’d find an interesting thing about him: Except for a few exceptions, he hates Sith with a burning passion (theres a story behind that nasty scar). He also hates a lot of things about the Empire, so while he isn’t planning to defect any time soon, that little nagging thought is always there.

He works with my friend’s agent most of the time, who is honestly more feral than he is. FYI, pretty much everything about Demyur is still up to be decided and has a good chance of being changed.

No hecking clue about what I want to do with him orientation wise. I’ll figure it out eventually.

[trickstarbrave]

Question, why are your dice so expensive? I could buy several chessex sets for the price of one set of yours and I don't see the appeal at all. Why are you making them so expensive and then expecting people to buy them up? If you wan't actual customers I just think you should pay more attention to the price dice actually go for than jacking them up so high. Not to mention this isn't a great time to be asking people to buy expensive things like that... It's selfish.

first of all these arent chessex dice. if you want mass produced dice go right ahead, i own a lot of them too. theres nothing wrong with buying and collecting just that and if you want a lot of nice sets theyre a good way to go. but mine are not mass produced, and the reason mass produced sets are so cheap overall is because they are, well mass produced. you make a lot of them. the molds to make them and the big machinery are investments larger companies make in order to make a lot of dice. when you divide up those costs between hundreds upon THOUSANDS of sets of dice its not that much. 

my dice are handmade. im not saying you should buy them because theyre handmade if handmade means nothing to you. but because theyre handmade i can do a lot of things mass production cant do, like different effects, inclusions, and having sharp edges polished. again theres also a lot of effects only mass produced dice can have as well, so its not like i can do anything and there are pros and cons to each. but if youre asking the appeal, well then there are certain things youre only going to be able to get handmade. 

and because theyre handmade theyre more expensive expensive. if i charged what chessex does for theirs done nearly fully by machine i would be paying myself 2 dollars or less per hour and thats not even factoring into costs of materials or equipment. i have to hand make the molds, hand mix and pour small amounts of resin, i have to hand place tiny little embeds, i have to cut sprues and sand edges all by hand (before i would use a power tool a bit and do for other things now). i had to buy custom masters 3-d printed. i had to buy a pressure pot and air compressor so i could stop having failed casts filled with bubbles because of temperature fluctuations. i had to invest in sandpaper, polishing papers, a dremel. i had to buy silicone, and failed at making molds sometimes and had to eat that cost. i had to learn how to cast resin, different mold making methods and why they worked, how to sand and polish epoxy, how to use different materials. i had to buy every inclusion, all the resin, all the pigments and mica powders. and this doesn’t include the time i have to take to make every listing, photograph dice, social media management, and more. this is something i like doing yes but i cant just spend so much money on equipment and then just give them all away for basically free. 

and lastly i do know dice prices. i kinda have to. every single price increase was due to better equipment and learning, better materials, and done to try and adequately pay myself for my labor. i’m still, at best, getting about 10 bucks an hour which in many places isn’t that great and isn’t enough to survive on. im making what is barely a livable minimum wage from years of training and experimenting and honing a craft. and its not perfect, no! my dice probably arent the best you can buy handmade. there are people better than me and people who have been doing it longer. which is why mine are about middle of the road for handmade sets. ive seen them go as cheap as 25 bucks a set to 150 bucks a set. 60-70 is about where i feel rn is comfortable for the amount of time i put into it and my skill level. 

again i also cant tell you to buy from me rn. i get money is tight. i get theres a lot going on. ive also made donations, ive been unsure of things during covid. many people have lost their homes, or dont have proper food. if you can afford my dice i am not mad at you or upset, right now shit sucks. maybe you can never justify that much money on a dice set, i get it. i dont know you and dont need your lifes story. i dont want to make you feel you need to sacrifice even more to buy them if you dont want to or even cant and im not trying to pressure you into it.

but i cant fix all of these problems and i am not some multimillionaire demanding you cough up as much money as possible so i can hoard more wealth like a dragon. im a disabled lesbian. i was trying to be employed before this though a work program and that was set on hold as most places closed down entirely, and i sure as hell am going to be one of the last people anyone wants to give a job to in reopening. this is basically all i have to make money atm. and while times are tough i feel for some people things like a want for art or entertainment wont die. theres still ppl buying video games and art commissions and nice clothes. just right now a lot of people who would probably love to cant. and since i have no money i cant buy any of that other stuff rn either (luckily my gf and roommate have jobs so we can afford things like, food and rent). 

again buy chessex or any other brand of mass produced dice if you want to. if you dont care for expensive kinds dont buy them. im not going to force you to or guilt you into it. spend your money how you want to. the post was mainly so people who like that kind of thing and have the money for it can see it and make that decision for themselves. and if you personally dont like my stuff you can buy from another handmade seller if you decide you trust them more, i dont mind. im just... tryin to get by. making some dice. seeing if anyone will buy them so maybe i can make more bc there Isnt Much Else I Can Do Like This. 

tl;dr: dont buy my dice then and buy cheaper dice it doesnt hurt my feelings if you dont want to/cant buy what i make im not your mom i cant tell you what to do???? i am just trying to get by im an artist and im disabled idk what u want ME to do exactly in this equation 

[queen-of-hearts92]

Any more thoughts about "Beautiful Thorns"? I personally liked that Shiori wasn't demonized this time.

I’m gonna do a full thing with more thoughts later but I’ll put down what I got on my mind for now. ouo

I, personally, did like Beautiful Thorns but I do get why there are people who don’t like it. The story of Juri, Shiori, and Ruka has been simplified greatly, so if you like it or not depends on if you are ok with/like how the story turned out after simplification. 

However I don’t think the story being simplified means theres nothing to look at here, and that we should blow it off as “Saito not understanding Utena again oh hoho”. We shouldn’t do that. Let’s not do that.

So imma talk about Beautiful Thorns aka “Juri you useless lesbian, pls stop hallucinating dead people” and see the different take at the relations between these three characters as well as looking at what we got from this story as a whole. /owo/

(Quick note: I discussed this manga with my friend Fuji so I’ll be mentioning her when repeating what we discussed. \owo/)

Let’s start with Juri and Shiori and how it goes in this version. 

Juri falls for Shiori while they’re in middle/high school instead of them being childhood friends. Shiori, in this universe, is the well off pretty girl. Juri is the one who refers to herself as “unlovable” and “ugly” this time. Juri wants this cute girl to notice her but isn’t sure how to go about it until she overhears Shiori saying she thinks fencers are cool like princes. Juri, being the baby gay that she is, goes “GUESS WHO’S GONNA LEARN FENCING, IT IS I” and she learns the fuck outta fencing cause Juri is go big or go home and if fencing is the best way to impress Shiori then you bet your ass she’ll do it! She learns the fuck out of fencing so much she becomes the school’s fencing champion and Shiori does indeed notice her. However, shock and sadness, she’s engaged to another. 

That would be Ruka, who I think is also part of the fencing team. So here while Ruka is her senpai, he is also “that motherfucker engaged to Shiori” this time around. Kinda different there lol. Her feelings towards Ruka are jealously and also feeling like he is a standard she can never live up to. I’m gonna touch on this more later down the line cause this falls with the prince thing. So, lets keep going. ouo 

Juri is like “aw fuck me” and we get to see the inside of the iconic locket we all know and love and she becomes a sad gay (now in this universe Shiori facing away from the camera in the picture doesn’t. make. much. sense. but idk guess Saito just wanted it to look like the one in the anime). One day, she drops the dang thing and Ruka finds it and is like “lol if u want it back come and catch me” Juri tries to catch up to him but she forgets that Ruka has long ass legs so he gets away. 

Now Ruka during all this has fallen in love with Juri, however he realizes that Juri loves Shiori. Unlike anime! Ruka, this Ruka takes this rather well. But he is concerned by Juri’s drive to be a prince cause we all know that being a prince in RGU is a terrible idea overall. I’m gonna talk about Shiori in a moment but first imma quickly cover the part that’s taken from the movie aka the big old life changing moment for all the people involved here. 

So Juri is all bummed out cause Ruka took her locket and she’s being sad by a river on a stormy day (cause that’s the BEST time to hang out by the river, when theres a fuckin storm). Then she sees Shiori, who uh, either get pulled into the water by a wave or she fell in I honestly can’t tell but either way Shiori falls into the damn river. Juri is like “iTS PRINCE TIME” and dives in and saves Shiori’s life. But Juri can’t pull herself out due to the current and gets pulled under herself. Ruka comes the fuck in and is like “NOPE LETS NOT” pulling her out to safety and he is pulled under and dies instead. 

Now, as mentioned in a convo I had with Fuji, Juri has been outprinced by Ruka. She wanted to be one to impress Shiori with her princelyness but now Ruka has permanently upstaged her in her mind by giving up his life to save another. And this, was on purpose by Ruka. Which I’ll talk about more later. After this happens it seems like Juri follows a path like movie! Juri did. She feels like she still has to compete for Shiori’s heart, and has to keep playing the prince no matter what. 

This idea of always being a prince has slowly been messing her up over the years to a point she’s literally seeing things (magic castle bullshit aside), ignoring Shiori, behaving aggressively overprotective towards Shiori (more on that later), and struggling to win fencing matches. This mindset of “being a prince” doesn’t work so great for an adult who hasn’t coped with their guilt/trauma yet. Juri, much like anime Utena, has thrown a lot of her self identity into being a prince and now its harming her quite intensely. I’ll get to the resolution of this a little later but that’s the position we see 36 year old Juri in when the story starts.

Note: I say 36 by adding 20 years to her age she was in the original series in which was 16. Yup.

Now Imma talk about Shiori here.

This Shiori is quite different from previous ones, especially for both of her relationships here. There are more parallels to her movie counterpart to be made due to the nature of the story which is very interesting. 

So, for the relationship she has with Juri. It doesn’t seems like Shiori blames Juri for what happened at the river, unlike in the movie where she did and mcfreakin lost it. Even if it wasn’t the smartest thing for Juri to do, Juri did still save her life at the end of the day. That didn’t occur in the movie but I can’t comment too much about the movie’s situation cause theres a lot of ??? in that particular aspect but thats a totally different discussion so moving on. I think there is a part of Shiori that feels guilty about what happened, like Juri nearly died saving her which lead to Ruka’s death. She implies she use to dream about Ruka and ghost! Ruka visiting her tells me that she’s probably also had trouble coping with the tragedy though she’s handling it a lot better then Juri has been.

However what Shiori decides to do is she chose to support Juri, becoming her fencing manager/agent from what seems like high school and well into their adulthood (which I do indeed love oh man). Juri even says that Shiori has been supporting her for quite sometime and is grateful for her support! It seems like Shiori refers to Juri as “my prince” at times cause she figured out doing so made Juri happy, which makes me think she did in fact figure out Juri’s big gay crush on her and might feel the same way but she hasn’t felt like she can tell Juri that yet due to Juri’s um. Problems. And probably her own lingering guilt for Ruka who was engaged to her in the past.

Side note: I think Shiori refers to Juri with the -san suffix here because of her position as her manager/agent. That’s just my guess anyway!

As for Juri’s problems, their relationship has started to hit a big roadblock at the time of the narrative because of said problems reaching their boiling point. It sounds like Juri has become more erratic recently but she’s had certain concerning behaviors before she started really acting oddly. 

Judging from what we’ve seen, when guys (or maybe even anyone) that remind her of Ruka get too close to Shiori, Juri suddenly grabs her, pulls her away, and is very overprotective of Shiori around these said guys. We know this isn’t a new thing for Juri to do because right after that happens Shiori says “When you act like that, I just get so…Forget it.” and Shiori even considers becoming a manager/agent for someone else because she’s getting real tired of shit like that. We can even see a bit of Juri’s possessiveness during her duel with ghost! Ruka when she says “I won’t let you have Shiori!”. I imagine maybe Shiori thought Juri’s overprotectiveness and possessiveness was kinda cute when they were 16 and therefore didn’t discourage said behavior but now they are 36, it has longgg ceased to be cute to her anymore so she’s running out of patience for it. However by the end Juri has decided to let go of “becoming a prince” and Shiori was visited by ghost Ruka as well. Now Juri and Shiori can truly move on in life, they can move from harmful roles like princes and princesses that had carried over from their adolescence and instead have relationships as healthy adult. 

Shiori, I think has already moved passed what happened back then and was moving towards the future before ghost! Ruka said hello to her in her dreams. She was just waiting for Juri to catch up. \o3o/

As for Shiori’s relationship to Ruka theres a MASSIVE difference here. It seems like, even though they were engaged to be married, Shiori and Ruka didn’t hold romantic feelings for each other. It was just like “welp we’re in an arranged marriage, alrighty. Might as well get along”. I say that due to Ruka’s crush on Juri and it simply didn’t seem like that’s the case by the brief interaction we saw between the two of them. 

Judging by her response to his death they were still friends, probably close friends. So that makes Ruka and Shiori the childhood friends here, WILD MAN. Anyways, losing Ruka was probably hard on her. We only see her grieving briefly but I think it’s enough to understand there wasn’t animosity between them at the very least and they were indeed most likely close friends. This tells me that Shiori had probably a close childhood, and seemly supportive, friend that she didn’t grow up to hate which makes a world of difference and why she’s less of a trainwreck in BT. It’s kinda a shame we didn’t see more of their interactions, I’d love to see how this version of Ruka and Shiori talked to each other and such.

There is a lot I like/find interesting about this version of Shiori. However I will say I feel there should have been a little more focus on what Shiori was thinking about all this. I feel like theres some gaps here. Like did she actually figure out that Juri is SUPER gay for her? Like I think so cause of what I said earlier and that Juri can’t hide it very well but we haven’t been given any confirmation for sure as far as I can tell. Plus what did she think of Juri before the accident anyways? Or before that? Like, I feel theres some missing pieces here hm. I’d love to see the pieces filled in but we probably won’t get that so I suppose we’re going without sadly. 8/

Let’s get to Ruka and Shiori now, on the Ruka side of things that is. This Ruka is quite different from the Ruka in the anime. Looks like a major difference between anime Ruka and this one is that anime Ruka HATED Shiori and blamed her for all of the problems she and Juri had and was also very jealous of the fact Juri liked her but not him. BT Ruka on the other hand was childhood friends with Shiori and had been engaged to her when they were children. They were close enough to a point when after he died Shiori is shouting to his body “How could you get yourself killed saving Juri?!” which implies that Ruka doing “princely things” isn’t out of character for him to do and he normally didn’t die doing them and Shiori knew that quite well hence his death was all the more shocking. So he didn’t villianize Shiori for breaking Juri’s heart or anything like that. Instead he wanted both the girl he was in love with AND his childhood friend to be happy. Which is super duper different than anime Ruka cause lets face it, in order to make Ruka be likeable enough to be considered a prince figure this kind of change had to be made. Oh yeah and bonus points for BT Ruka for not committing sexual assault, thank god I probably would have died inside if that occurred and was treated as heroic omg…. 

Ruka, was indeed a prince this time around. Fuji and I had discussed that being a prince means sacrificing EVERYTHING, including your life. That’s why he didn’t want Juri to go down that road, if she did she’d end up dead. Hence he calls her a goddess instead, unlike princes a goddess is immortal. It’s hard to say what was going on in Ruka’s mind when he saved Juri and if he had maybe drowned willingly? But why? Like Ruka, buddy. I have a lot of questions still. And there isn’t much answers, cause everyone who writes Ruka love to keep him super mysterious it seems like.

At the end of all this, thanks to ghost! Ruka and Revolution Force Ghost Utena, Juri decides to stop trying to live up to this unobtainable prince role and let it go. Clinging onto this role was damaging to her and the people around her. Instead she’ll do things if she wants to and because she loves to, not because it’s a princely thing to do so. Hence “fight Jyuri” (which I can’t decide if Ruka can’t fuckin spell her name or he is making a TERRIBLE pun) being engraved on the locket. Fuji and I talked about how, this story, as well as the one right b4 it, is alll about finding value in yourself and not in toxic impossible roles either in life or relationships.

Ok! Now I’m gonna talk a bit on the fandom’s reaction. Note to all reading this, I’m not here to say you gotta like this chapter or else. I just want to address a little bit of what I’ve seen online since the translation came out. I understand if you dislike how the story was told/simplified, like each to their own. I’m not here to bag on you, like or dislike whatever you want. If you like it, ok! If you don’t, also ok! Cool? Cool.

Anyways, I’ve seen a couple people saying things like, “what. Juri wouldn’t *insert impulsive/intense action here*” or dislike that its not as complex as the anime/saying Saito doesn’t understand Utena. 

Well first off this isn’t the same Juri as anime Juri, so probably should think of this as a different version of her or it’s gonna be a bad time. And Juri making impulsive choices due to an outburst of her emotions is quite in character, in fact we see that in episode 7 when she nearly tackles Utena into a fountain trying to yank Utena’s ring off, or that episode when she slaps Anthy in the face for seemingly no reason (I know there is one but she still shouldn’t slap her) like listen. Juri pretends/tries to be calm and collected, she isn’t totally what she appears to be. Like, that’s a pretty frequent theme in Utena y’all. But yeah I find that an odd thing to say something like that for a story thats just a different take of these characters, you don’t gotta like it but don’t say its out of character in the context of the anime because we aren’t in the anime’s context. Like this isn’t the anime and never will be. Speaking of which.

I think the fandom can be a bit, overly critical towards Chiho Saito. Is the original manga good? Eh, I think it’s only ok personally (it really has problems tho man). Is it better then the show? No, the anime is still the best version of Utena out there.

Look. Expecting this manga to have similar complexity that the anime had isn’t a good idea because the anime was written by a group of ppl instead of just one person like this manga was! You’re just not gonna get the same result. A group creation will always been different than a single person creation. Always, always, always.

Listen, this series is over 20 years old and has had a ton of media over the years. You don’t have to like this manga if you don’t want to, or any of the other Utena media if thats how you feel. But, I think people are wrong saying Saito doesn’t understand Utena. She does, maybe differently than you do but what’s done in this manga ties in well as a continuation of Utena’s themes. This manga (both the chapters) is about adulthood and moving on from what occurs during childhood and adolescence. It’s a pretty logical move forward for the series to take, you can’t go back to adolescence. You can only move forward and try find yourself as an adult. And that, strikes me as quite RGU feeling indeed. Even though no one has turned into a car yet, but hey. Maybe next time! \*w*/

Super side note: Why the fuck does Miki look like a 13 year old’s head on a grown man’s body? It’s weird! It’s fucking weird! Like gdi Saito you couldn’t like give Miki a new hairstyle or a mustache or something? Is this a plot point? Did Miki find the eternal youth fountain? I’m concerned. Pls let Miki’s face age he is in his 30s omg.

[theangelshavethephonebooth]

OKAY so, concept*: semi closeted trans lesbian Niles Crane. 

*At first it’s denial, a lifetime of being called gay and a girl like it was a bad thing, just because of the stuff she likes, but Fraiser likes the same stuff and he’s just like her right? So that’s it then, she can push those troglodytes out of her mind and that’s high school sorted. 

*(Of course, there’s the Field Hockey incident with Frasier, and she wants to point out that the “F” probably means girls but then, why does she notice when he doesn’t? She stays silent, and it all blows up in his face and he throws the “kilt” out in disgust and embarassment. Niles picks it up, intending to wash and return it to the school. They replace the uniforms the next year and never notice one is missing.)

*But, then college, med school, the study of the human mind. psychology introduces her to the concept of being trans. Some professors refer to it as a mental disorder, which doesn’t sit well with her, some a lifestyle choice, which isn’t great either. Theres one professor, an anthropology 101 class she had to take, who talks about how gender and sex are different, how many cultures had genders beyond male and female. The rest of the class was bored but Niles was riveted. 

(She still talks to that professor, years later with a wife and son. They have a lot in common, as it turns out.)

 College doesn’t quite do it, but Niles starts to examine her life and sexuality, and knows Fraiser does the same, but his anxious introspection seems almost like a intellectual exercise in a way her’s never does.

Her’s feels serious, life and death, like she’s teetering on the edge of some kind of breakthrough.

Then she meets Maris, and it all goes out the window.

She’s head over heels, absolutely smitten. Maris is the first girl who’s liked her for how she is, fussy and intellectual and a bit obsessed with shoes. Maris is just as strange as Niles, thin and sick and rich beyond belief in a way that makes her eccentric and exciting. 

Niles figures that if she’s in love with Maris, then she can’t be a gay man. After all, men are the ones who fall in love with women. Aren’t they?

Infatuation and mutual appreciation for each other’s strangeness gets them through a few years, but eventually that fades, and Niles is stuck, married to a women she doesn’t really love and as a person she’s starting to believe she’s never really been.

Then she meets Daphne. 

quick step back: Roz, (who is pan in this AU), has her gaydar screaming at her when she meets Niles for the first time. Of course, so do most people, but most people believe Niles when they see "him" struck dumb by women, when told by “his” family that Niles is straight. Most people aren't Roz. She knows off the bat that Fraiser isn't and Niles is, that Daphne gave her the lesbian nod when they met, that Tom the station manager has a thing for Fraiser, etc etc

She doesn't catch the trans thing until months later she recognizes a silk shirt Niles wears under his waistcoat as the same one an ex girlfriend had. Covered up, it looks like any dress shirt, but the ruffles and lace give it away.

Niles snipes at her at first bc she's jealous, of Roz's hair and skirts and open sexual identity**, and Roz does bc she doesn't stand for men, queer or straight, taking potshots at her sexuality. By the time she figures out that Niles may be closeted but most def not a man, it's settled into a snarky battle of barbs between frenimes.

A sidenote: Roz is absolutely not the first queer person in Niles social circle, but she is the first women. Niles might not seek out queer spots, but she appears to be an effeminate man with the associated social circles: fashion conscious, foodie, shoe obsessed with a thing for nice suits, theres no way she doesn't know queer men. This goes for canon too, although in canon i suppose he doesn't befriend them?

So, if Roz is the first queer women Niles meets, Daphne is the second. So, when Niles meets Daphne, well.

Niles is, like many of us, a bit of a useless lesbian around attractive women.

As much as I would like to make Daph the british butchy but still femme lesbian of my dreams, love the trope where the trans person is all "but you only like X gender/sex, and I'm Y" even tho they are, of course trans, and the cis partner is all "exactly, i only like X gender, which is why I like you" and then everyone blushes and is happy and validated and goddamnit, its wonderful, BUT it interfers w/ characterization too much. Fraiser and Martin would, i suppose, be a bit firmer with Niles if they believed the crush was that of a fruitless and predatory nature, a straight man chasing an uninterested lesbian. (Or at least, I hope they would!)

So, Daphne's bi, or pan, or frankly doesn't give a shit, maybe she only brings home men, or maybe she is gay and the boys, clueless as they are, don't notice that when she says girlfriend she doesn't mean "girl who is my friend"

Niles notices.

Daph is in a weird position, especially if she is gay. She's an employee, much as they all sometimes forget, her housing and job is contingent on keeping them happy. Fraiser might seem accepting but Martin is sometimes, especially in the early days, v rigid about gender roles, and Frasier a bit nosy and dammit, a women has a right to her privacy.

So maybe she's gay, but she plays the pronoun game, avoids names or only mentions names like "Sam" "Donnie" "Andy" or "Josh"

And of course, there's "Uncle Jackie", who canon is kinda shitty 2, but Daph seems pretty accepting of. Its the 90s, so IDK proper terms, but here, Daph always uses she/her pronouns. Fraiser and Martin use he when the subject comes up, or similar ones, like a caller on the show, tho both usually try, (training or, for Martin, the memory of the strong slap he received upon calling a 6'2 witness "he" at a crime scene once) but Daphne doesn't correct them, at least not until later, when she's truly family, not just the help.

Niles always uses she to refer to Jackie, always asks how a patient identified themselves and takes a best guess, and eventually notices that Daphne does the same

Niles’s crush on Daphne is one part actual crush, one part "do I want you or want to be you" and honestly, is the last straw, the catalyst that make Niles actually admit that she's a women. (Probably a gay women, although in the right light she can find men attractive.)

She's always bought Maris gifts that, in hindsight, were a bit too big (tho it is actually hard to find things that fit her garden rake of a wife), and just masculine enough to pass as fashion forward male garb, and she remembers the hoarded skirt from high school, never returned or worn but hidden away, still somewhere in her side of the house.

She wants to tell Frasier, Maris, even Dad, but though her personal revalation is elating to her, its really big, too big, and it's still the 90s or 2000s, out trans people aren't exactly common and frankly, this is too scary and she's still fussy anxious Niles Crane, so she stays in the closet.

Roz, we know, figures it out, sees the change from effeminate but male fashion to a more feminine style, women's blouses masquerading as dress shirts under vests, manicures not only becoming more common but slowly replacing simple buffing with clear polish, or a nude tint, almost pink. She sees Niles grow out her hair, just a bit, just enough so that when she tilts just right it almost looks like a bob, but she never says anything. They aren't friends like that, aren't close, and Niles seems to be discrete. Roz suspects that if Niles knew she knows, she'd come out b4 she's ready.

Niles knows she can't do much, not while married to Maris. They live in the public eye and the rich snobs she aspires to be would never accept her, and, crush on Daphne aside, that's alright with her (for now), but playing with her hair, a bit of makeup or clothing now and again was fun and makes her feel better.

She wants to tell her family soon.

Martin suspects...something, tho I don't suppose "my son is actually my daughter" would be his first thought, and Daphne always calls her Dr. Crane, never Mr., not focusing on her unfortunately male sounding name. 

Niles, is a bit clueless, thinks its just respect or formality, a sign she'll never be close to Daphne, but Daphne, unaware of the crush, means it as an acknowledgement of who Niles is, the women hiding in men's Italian suits.

Then the seperation, Maris cheating, the divorce, the therapy, Donnie and Mel.

At this point, Daph is out to the Cranes, Niles knows she has a chance (v slim, for Daphne believes her to be A Man, which of course she doesn't but Niles doesn't know that) but Frasier and Martin dial up the "keep Niles away from Daphne" campaign, believing themselves more then ever to be helping (eye roll, even in canon F did more harm then good, keeping them apart during the whole bs w/ Maris, I have to believe its mostly habit at this point, although in this AU it makes sense)

And then Niles hires the top divorce lawyer in Seattle, Roz's ex.

Donna "Donnie" Douglas.

When Niles and Roz scheme to get their ones who got away back, Niles, worried that Roz will think her some kind of exploitive homophobic trash, comes out to her. Roz of course knows, makes sure she's ok for about for a second, then goes right back to their weird teasing friendship

Somehow it all comes out to Daphne too, but everything else goes much the same, only now,  Niles is officially one of the girls.

From there, everything again, works out much the same, Niles meets Mel, Donny and Daph get serious, they all decide to get married, Niles and Daphne realize they're in love w/ each other more then their respective gfs, but Daphne cancels her wedding/commitment ceremony while Niles goes through w/ hers.

EXCEPT: Niles has been preparing to come out, just to the rest of her close friends, family and Mel, means to do it b4 the marriage but loses the nerve, so when it all comes out with Daphne, it really all comes Out.

the thing is, Mel knows, and Niles told her, but Mel is very deliberately obtuse about it, and its a quiet part of the party argument, something about lying and excuses. Niles keeps trying, hoping to make her Get It, to no avail. After the hoopla she pretends she had no idea, that Niles kept this from her, yadda yadda.

Mel is awful (and I hate her), so she forces Niles to pretend to be a doting husband rather then an unwilling wife, up until the point she gets fed up. 

Niles gets angry, Daphne feels abandoned and alone so she tells Mel its over

She won't pretend to be someone she's not with Mel, she won't hurt herself or the women she loves anymore.

A snippet from that night: "I can't be your husband Mel, I never could."

Mel storms out, friends around her and the Cranes are better for it.

After that, Niles stops pretending, grows out her hair long again, considers hormones and surgery, but lives mostly stealth, content to pass as male to strangers and patients as she adjusts to her family knowing her as their daughter and sister, instead of son and brother.

It's weird, but good.

In this au that whole "make Daph fat bc Jane is preggers" arc doesn't happen, instead it's Niles body image arc, presenting as female and all the passing issues

When their mother's friend visits and assumes Roz is Niles she responds by saying "no, sorry I'm Roz, I work with Frasier, but you're not far off the mark." And Frasier adds something along the lines of "Niles will be here soon, she's just running late."

Martin also keeps slipping up, refering to sons, youngest son, brothers, he, my boys etc, correcting himself but not used to it yet, but this episode is the first time he consistently and firstly says my daughter, your sister, she, my kids.

They get married a little earlier, but having their son takes time bc Niles already had "slow sperm" and the hormones interfer a bit.

They still are about to decide to get help whn Daphne realizes shes knocked up

Niles never drastically changes her appearance, comfortable in her lean body, shortish hair, too big hands. She takes hormones and has her clothes altered to fit her changing frame but never tries to change her voice, or enhance her breasts, and choses not to undergo any kind of surgery until after she and Daphne are done having kids

*born of thinking about lesbian Niles and a throw away joke made in an episode where an old family friend mistook Roz for Niles, which took “oh what if Niles was trans to” from a background thought to a full blown AU

**Roz and Daphne date for about 10 seconds, more of a sexual friendship then a romance, then settle into a comfortably queer friendship, but Roz dating Daph first certainly didn't help her and Niles becoming friends

[pjoplusmore]

Child of Hera

Pairing: None

Warnings: None, to my knowledge

A/N: First chapter of my little fic idea here. May continue to post here based on response.

A special thank-you goes out to @perseusjackson-sonoftheseagod for reading through the first few rough drafts.

Disclaimer: I own none of the content in this fic minus a few OC’s. Everything else belongs to its own respective culture, and Rick Riordan

My name is Scarlet Corvus, and welcome to Camp Half-Blood! Yay! Note the sarcasm. Though, that might just be my bitterness shining through. I’ve got good reasons for it too. Been in the foster care system since I could remember. Been in Camp Half-Blood a little longer than that. That makes for 18 years of missing parents. Most everyone here, including the ‘batch’ I came with is missing at least one parent. You’ve got my two friends Aron, living alone with his dad, son of Aphrodite, and Eliza, living with her two moms, daughter of Ares. How did Ares knock up a couple of lesbians? Not something I actually wanna know. Bi? Probably. Anyways, I found them when a Satyr dragged me out of bed at 2 in the freaking morning to run for my life as some weird dogs wrecked everything they could. We ran and ran, stole a car, and drove, slept, ate, and drove some more, until we got here. And I haven’t left since.

“Scarlet!” Eliza tends to get into more trouble than most.

“What’s up?” She’s running up the hill to me, panting, and out of breath. I brace myself for the less than stellar idea.

“Let’s break into the Big House.” Whoop. There it is.

“Are you insane? Chiron will have your head!” I’m just about to drive my book through her skull when Aron runs up behind her.

“We’re doing it whether you come with us or not. The Oracle is here, talking to the 7, and we wanna go see if we get some kind of prophecy!” His grin is almost irresistible. Almost.

“Why do you want a quest? You leave for home every summer. You spend time outside, why risk your lives?” I can see the wheels turning. My friends aren’t dumb, not by a long shot, but they’re not the brightest kids on the block either.

“Fame.”

“Fortune.”

Their responses are simultaneous. It’s all I can do not to groan in pain.

“Fine. I’ll come along. Just to make sure the two of you don’t get hurt.” They both jump up and down. I swear, it’s like looking after 6-year-olds. Aren’t they 17 now? “But first…” I let them register it, and they suddenly freeze. “I’m gonna go talk to Percy.” They look a little scared. Fine by me. Maybe they’ll listen to me next time. And anyways, I am more than a little curious about why Rachel, of all people would visit camp. It's moments like this that I’m really glad I did my best to help Percy and Annabeth when they needed it. The 7 formed a very exclusive club after the war against Gaea. They interact with other campers, from both camps, but their best kept secrets don’t leave their cabins. I’ve managed to get both Percy and Annabeth to talk to me, even if it's not quite to the same extent. Still, it’s not a long walk before I’m at cabin 3’s door. I knock gently.

“Percy?” There’s a small groan, some shuffling, a thud, and the door creaks open. Of course he’s not wearing a damn shirt. I’m not trying to peek in, but… was that my little Annie?

“Scarlet? What’s up?” It seems almost like… if he’s in nothing but the sheets, and that was Annabeth… Okay. I’m not judging. Apparently, though, I am one to space out as Percy snaps his fingers in my face. “Helloooo? Earth to Scarlet? Scarlet, come in Scarlet?” I jerk back up to face him.

“What?”

“There you are.” He chuckles, and the one grey streak of hair falls over one of his eyes. “What’s up?”

“Oh! Oh! Well, I’ve heard that Rachel is in town… and here to talk to you.” His eyes turn hard for a second.

“If she is, and it's from Olympus…” There’s a hard edge to his voice. Sometimes, I wonder why he hasn’t overthrown them at this point. I know I would. Been here eleven years, and I still can’t be claimed? I can’t even guess at which parent is mine!

“So she hasn’t talked to you?” I ask.

“No, she hasn’t. Is she here?” This time, I gulp.

“Yeah. Grapevines move fast. There’s already three plots to find where she is, two to break in, and one that has a remote chance of succeeding.” I laugh, hopefully not nervously. Even if I’m on good terms, breaking into the Big House is kinda taboo, and even with Percy’s tendency to break the rules more than enforce them, if Annabeth is in the room behind him…. Well… best not get caught. His laughter breaks the tension I hadn’t realised that I’d been holding in.

“Right. I’ll let Wise Girl know. Maybe she’ll do something, maybe she won’t. See ya.” I don’t even have time to say goodbye as the door slams in my face. I wait a bit in shock, but vacate the premises, as groans and moans begin to sound from the other side of the door. Perfect. Now I get to dodge both Annabeth and Chiron, keep two children safe and out of trouble, speak with the Oracle, and be in bed before morning cabin checks. Easy. I hope. Finding my way back to the kids was easy. They hadn’t moved an inch.

“Percy didn’t know she was here. Beware Annabeth and Chiron tonight.” Aron looks slightly deterred, but Eliza just looks ready for a fight.

“Fine. Just a bit more planning! Come on Aron!” Before asking for any second opinion, she dashes off.

“Wait! Eliza! This doesn’t sound good! Slow down!” Eliza, of course, is long gone when Aron takes off after her. All I can do is sigh. Prep time. They’ve pulled stunts like this before. Too often. I have a patented kit, they do it so much.

“Scarlet!” I turn at my name. Nobody talks much to the nobody from cabin 11. Yet, Jason, child of Zeus, comes running. Friends in high places, I suppose.

“Jason! You okay?” Few people worry me as much as he does. Well, him and Percy. Chaos incarnate the two of them.

“Me? Yeah, I’m fine. But I need your help anyways.” Now he’s got my attention.

“What’s up?”

“How do I ask Piper out?” It takes me a moment to process.

“What?”

He sighs and grabs me by the shoulder, pulling me behind the nearest tree. “I need to ask her out soon. She’s a daughter of Aphrodite, and half the camp falls in love whenever she walks by, so I need to make a move now. But I don’t know how.”

“Okay. Give me about a day to process, and I’ll have a solution for you, okay?” I feel bad for brushing him off, but I’ve got to prep for tonight. He nods solemnly, and almost trudges off like a hurt puppy. It’s almost impossible to walk away. Almost. The walk back to the cabin is quiet and unsettling. Tension courses through me, as I do my usual and run through all the ways tonights little expedition can go wrong. Before I get through the 25th scenarion, pretty early in the process, I’m at the cabin, opening the door. It’s a large cabin, with sleeping bags and air mattresses everywhere. I shuffle over to my little corner that I’ve cleared of other campers.I sift through the bagts piled under my cot. Theres duffle bags of writing, drawings, poetry and all my other attempts to figure out who my godly parent is. I dive through the plethora of baghs until I reach what I’m looking for. Its a small black backpack, with the zippers locked shut. Slinging the damn thing on my shoulders, I slip out of the cabin. I scramble around, looking for my favourite cliff in the woods. As usual, it’s empty, the one tree overlooking the rest of camp. Nobody but me knows about this place. Well, maybe the 7. Nobody know where they go most of the time.

“Scarlet.” I jump out of my shoes and almost off the cliff. I whip around, dagger in my hand before I register it.

“Jesus Piper, you scared me!” I put the dagger away, and sit on the edge, letting my legs hand. I take the bag and open it up.

“Whatcha got there?”

“Emergency maternity kit.” I answer. It seems to intruigue her, so she sits next to me. I search through the bag. Bandages, salve, ambrosia, nectar, spare weapons, flares, flashlight, flask of liquor, rope, grappling hook, it’s got everything.

“What kind of kids are you herding?” I almost laugh as piper asks.

“The demigod kind.” I can hear her sigh, and turn to her. “What’s up?” It’s as though I threw a switch in her mind. Suddenly she’s a blushing mess, uttering nothing but a mixture of ums, and uhs, and any other space-filling words word you can imagine.

“Well, you see, uh, it’s uh, you know, um, maybe this can wait.” She stands up, and I grab her wrist.

“Piper McLean. You’d think you’d be a better actor knowing who your father is. What is it you need advice with?” She takes a deep breath.

“WellyouseetheproblemisthatIlikeJasonandIalsolikePercyandnicoiscutetooandhowdoyoudistinguishlovefromfriendship?” It takes me the span of about a minute to understand what it took her 3 seconds to say.

“Well…” I think for another minute, trying to come up with a solution. “Let’s see, if your feelings for the three of them are the same, talk to them individually. Start with Nico, end with Jason. You’ll find things will work out well.” Am I going to tell her that, aside from the obvious Percy and Annabeth dating, that Nico is gay, and that I’m purposefully stacking the odds in Jason’s favour? No. Am I doing just that? Hell yes. All the same, she seems grateful.

“Thanks Scar. I’ll see you soon.” This time as she left, I let her go. No sense in letting her see the rest of my equipment check. I rummage through the bag again. Lock picks, check, crowbar, check, ski masks, check. It’s not the first time they’ve broken in somewhere, and it won’t be the last. Seems like I’ve got everything. I head back down to the cabin to get some rest. It’s going to be a very, very long night.

By the time I wake up, I’ve gone and missed dinner. And the campfire song. I’m slipping out of my little cot and out the door. Most people are at the campfire. If we’re gonna break in, its now. The dark night sky makes it difficult, but not impossible to find my way to our little rendezvous spot. The little tree behind the Big House is a risky place to meet considering our upcoming adventure.

“You two ready?” Of course they beat me here. They’re usually more excited for our outings than I am. Aron nods his head shakily, and Eliza looks ready to jump the gun.

“You bet.” She whipers. I slip my bag from my shoulders, and pull out the rope and the hook. I toss them at Eliza.

“Get knotting.” A snort escapes her before I galre her into silence. I pull out a flashlight and toss it to Aron. “Lookout.” He nods and marches off. I pull out a flashlight for myself, and start searching for some indication of the right room. A though occurs to me. “She’ll probably know we’re coming.”

“Let her know. We’ll get in all the same.” Eliza’s cocky as ever. I grunt, and keep looking. There’s movement in a window, and I shut off my flashlight. This time, it’s Eliza who tosses me something. “Night vision. Less likely to see you.” I don’t even want to know where she got them

“Thanks.” I slip them over my eyes and go back to searching. I guess whoever was in the window didn’t see the beam from my flashlight. Either way, there’s an open window. Easy way in, and then we search. Plan: Formulated. I nudge Eliza. “Open window, left corner.” She nods, and I hand her the goggles. I run off searching for the beam of light that tells me where Aron is. I nearly die of a subsequent heart attack as he appears out of thin air. “I swear your ability to change your appearance is more freaky every day. Come on, we’ve found a way in. I’m off running back to Eliza. She’s just winding up with the hook.

“You two ready?” She hisses. I shake my head.

“Let’s do it.” Aron answers. I don’t even need to be told to know that I’m going up the rope first. Without further ado, she trowsh the hook. It clanks loudly and harmlessly against the side of the Big House. We all flinch and dive to the floor. We wait for a minute. Two. Three. This is the longest Eliza has held still in a long time. Eventually, we all stand up.

“Get it in the window this time.” I grit out between my teeth. I almost lose a hand in reply. Never forget that Eliza is a daughter of the god of war. Mental note made. She goes for the same window, eyes invisible behind the night vision goggles. This time, she throws and it goes in. Now its a race against time. Eliza pulls the rope taut, and then lets it drop to the side of the big house. I run up it, hand over hand, I’m at the second story window in seconds. I take a glance around, nobody seems to be coming. I motion with my hand through the window, and both Aron and Eliza scramble up the rope after me. I pull the rope into my bag as they keep watch. Once we’re all set, we move on, gently opening doors where we can, and picking locks where we can’t. Room by room, we search, until we find the room we want. If she knew we were coming, she didn’t care. The door is unlocked as we all slip in, silently trailing one after the other. She’s sleeping silently in her bed as the three of us huddle under the window. We exchange a few glances.

“Who goes?” Aron seems to say.

“Take a guess.” Eliza seems to answer.

“Me.” I say. There’s no surprise at this point. I never set the plans in motion, but I’m the firs one into the fray, and the last one to request treatment. It’s who I am. I tiptoe silently to the side of Rachel’s bed. I reach out a hand, and shake her shoulder. She seems to sit up, but its the spirit of the Oracle that controls her.

The power of Gods once Returned

To command the Youth who once yearned

Forbidden daughter to choose

To the old or new, the Gods must Lose

The oracle slowly seems to vacate the body of Rachel, and three things happen simultaneously. Rachel wakes up and almost screams. But whatever noise she makes is drowned out by the Camp alarm going off, deafening everybody in the Big House, and waking everybody not here. And the third thing to happen is Aron’s sneeze.

I have seconds at best to get us out of here. The window. I toss Eliza the crowbar. “Window!” She seems to understand, and smashes the glass. “Jump!” I dont have time to see if she follows me out of the window, as the door to Rachel’s room slams open, and Annabeth stands there, dagger at the ready. I fall for less than a second, before slamming into the ground. Two accompanying thuds tell me that both Aron and Eliza made it out alive. The three of us take off running into the nearest forest available. Well, at least Eliza and me. Aron has done his thing and rendered himself invisible. I toss a bottle of water to Eliza, and we pour them out on the ground behind us, as a sort of bribe for the nymphs. We both run for as long as we can. The alarms are distant at this point, and we both lean against the nearest tree.

“Step 2.” Eliza stands back up, and begins to strip. I reach into the bag, and toss her a change of clothes. I change as well, and draw out the spare weapons. I pick the telescopic trident, and Eliza, as usual uses a spear. We both face off, and begin to spar. Its about this time that I hear Annabeth running up the hill.

“Scarlet!” She sounds angrier than I expected her to be.

“Halt!” I call out to Eliza, and she stands relaxed, spear as a crutch. “Annie. What’s up?” Seeing her grimmace at the nickname is worth the rant I’m about to weather.

“You know damn well what’s up!” She tries to make the last two words sound menacing. But honestly? Annabeth is much more terrifying if she’s not visibly shaking with rage.

“I have no idea. I mean, I’m not exactly sprinting towards the sirens, but… you know, not exactly anxious to die.” Annabeth looks as red as a tomato.

“If I find out you had something to do with this…” She leaves the threat hanging in the air as she charges off further into the forest. I turn back to Eliza.

“I’m done for the night. I’m exhausted.” I pack everything back up, and Eliza gives me a wink as we both begin to walk back to the cabins. Whatever set off the alarm, if it was us, they wont find a trace. If it was something else, they’ve caught it already. I get back to cabin 11, and almost slam into my cot. It’s been a really long night. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take me into its welcoming arms.

Masterlist

Tags: @thehalfdoctor @mrs-jjamespotter @hik5 @perseusjackson-sonoftheseagod @wearepjocrazy

[theofficialcunt]

Simplicité - Chapter 3.5 {Biadore}

Y'all wanted a twist? I know its not Wednesday/Thursday, but I felt like the last chapter left too many unanswered questions. I didn’t mean for this to be a full on chapter but it was necessary to fill in some blanks! TW for smut and angst this chapter (gasp) which is probably why theres 3.1k words.

Summary: Bianca and Adore have a moment, Farrah and Courtney get into it, and we find out what exactly happened to Bianca’s mom.

After eating lunch quickly, Adore headed out to the car where Bianca whisked her away to downtown Chicago. They parked in an underground parking lot near Macy’s, where Bianca was apparently taking her.

“Where are we going?” Adore asked wearily.

“Can’t you read? Macy’s duh.” Bianca sassed, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“Uh, I don’t know about you but I can’t afford half of the shit in there.” Adore said nervously.

“Who said you were buying?” Bianca asked pointedly, removing her sunglasses. “After you.”

Adore looked at her with wide eyes as she led her into the big box store. This was apparently the first Macy’s location, and it was huge. There were people everywhere, lots of tourists and the employees were dressed in all black, walking around looking for customers to assist.

“Welcome back, Bianca. What can we do for you today?” A tall blonde who closely resembled Britney Spears asked.

“Thanks Derrick. I need you to pull some professional stylist outfits. Nothing too white collar, but I don’t want anything sloppy either. Something that still has a grunge edge to it, if such a thing exists.” Bianca scoffed, elbowing Adore.

“You’d be surprised at what’s out there now.” Derrick laughed. “I’m sure I’ll be able to find something. Now grunge - professional isn’t really your style, I’m assuming these outfits are for your friend here?”

“Yes.” Bianca said, before Adore could even answer, “Size what - 4 in pants?”

“Size 6. I have child birthing hips.” Adore laughed.

Bianca facepalmed, but smirked as she shook her head. “You heard her. Size 6 for her wide hips.”

“May I suggest a different bra as well? You look like you have a great figure but sweetie, I’m pretty sure you’re wearing the wrong bra size.” Derrick smiled sympathetically. It was almost bitchy the way she looked at Adore, but she couldn’t be mad at her for telling the truth. Her bra was 4 years old, and was only $5 from Ross.

Bianca let her eyes fall to her chest, where she discovered that Derrick was right. Her breasts didn’t look right, it was almost as if she wasn’t even wearing a bra at all. There was no support.

Adore cleared her throat loudly, eyes locking with Bianca’s confused. “Uh, yeah I understand that my tits look like shit right now but can you stare at them another time?”

Bianca flushed red, muttering an apology before Derrick led them upstairs to the dressing rooms. It was going to be an interesting day.

——

Courtney was sitting back in the stylist chair, relaxing as she fussed with her makeup. It had been a slow day, Bianca had decided to clear her schedule to go help Adore out which left her with Farrah and Bob.

“Hello?” A small voice rang throughout the salon. It was quiet, everyone was on their phones or practicing hair on the doll heads.

“Who is it?” Courtney chirped, walking to the lobby from behind the partition.

“It’s me, Valentina!” Valentina flashes her brilliant white smile as she tip toed to the front desk. Her caramel hair was perfectly styled in sleek finger waves. She wore a green blazer, white button up shirt, a crisp black pencil skirt, and her suede black heels completed the look.

Valentina was Bianca’s distant cousin from Echo Park, California. She had moved to Chicago 4 years ago to go to college, and Bianca lovingly offered her a job as a receptionist. She sat down at the desk, checking emails and sorting paperwork. Her eyes scanned the documents on the desk for a few moments before she sighed.

“I’m bored.” Valentina shrugged, placing the papers face down on the desk in a neat pile. “What’s happening today? It’s so quiet.”

“Bianca took the new girl out for a makeover. Let me tell you, the bitch was rough when she first came in.” Bob laughed.

“New girl?” Valentina asked curiously. “Was this the one that moved here from the Los Angeles area?”

“Yeah basically.” Courtney shrugged unimpressed. “She was a mess though. We fixed her up, and now Bianca is out having fun with her new project.”

Suddenly, Farrah looked up from her phone annoyed. Courtney was being such a bitch, and honestly she was so sick of it. Adore wasn’t Bianca’s project, and she wasn’t that big of a mess.

“You know, bitter isn’t a good look on you.” Farrah snapped glaring at Courtney.

“Oh fuck.” Bob hissed, turning his head back towards his mannequin head as he tried to master the waterfall braid.

“Excuse me?” Courtney asked annoyed.

“You’ve been acting like a jealous girlfriend since the moment Adore walked into the building. It’s so tiring. Like, Bianca can have other friends you know. It’s not just about you.” Farrah said. “Besides, Bianca isn’t even your girlfriend!”

“I’m not jealous of Adore.” Courtney scoffed. “She was a complete mess only hours ago.”

Valentina sipped on her water bottle uncomfortably as she looked between the two blondes.

“Right. So you aren’t jealous at all that Bianca is taking Adore shopping at Macy’s, and that she’s not going to be spending as much time with you now that she has an assistant?”

Courtney gritted her teeth, not knowing what to say. It was no secret that she had feelings for Bianca, but how could she not? She watched her transformation over the years. She went from a nobody to a successful entrepreneur within only a few months, and still managed to stay humble. Courtney had let herself fall for her, and for a moment she even thought that Bianca had felt the same way about her.

Courtney sighed, shaking her head as she looked away from Farrah trying not to let herself cry. She had promised herself she was done crying over Bianca.

Farrah’s face softened, “Look, I don’t know what happened between you two but I’m sorry. Don’t take out your issues on the new girl though. She’s done nothing wrong.”

“The new girl isn’t even interested in Bianca.” Bob muttered matter of factly, placing a bobbi pin on the mannequin head - completing the braid. “At least for now. Shit y’all need to calm down, it’s her first fucking day. “

“Who is she interested in?” Valentina asked deviously. She made eye contact with Courtney before letting her eyes meet Bob’s.

“I’m not fueling your guys’s estrogen bitch fest.” Bob shook his head. “I’m sure y’all will figure it out though. You all are just a bunch of crazy lesbians who need pussy more then I need to sit on a dick. Which I didn’t think was possible, but since ya’ll can’t get any you just start drama instead.”

“I’m not a lesbian!” Valentina objected. “I have an amazing boyfriend, Valentín-”

“Which, frankly I think is bullshit. One of y’all changed your name for sure.” Bob cackled.

“He buys me my crystal gloves.” Valentina smiled, admiring her expensive custom made gloves. She ran her long manicured nails up and down them, feeling the swarovski crystals. Holographic stones were meticulously places all along the fingers and top of the hands. The gloves were definitely extra, but Valentina somehow made it work.

Courtney was pondering the conversation at hand. She was definitely going out of her way to be nasty to Adore, but was it really just a redirection of her feelings? Ever since that night, that fated night - she and Bianca had been on weird terms.

A loud knock sounded at the door. Courtney looked up at her rose gold clock hanging on the walk of her studio. It was late, she noticed. Almost midnight. She moved her soft blonde hair out of her face and tied her long sheer purple robe around her waist.

When she opened the door, Bianca stood there drunkenly holding a half empty bottle of wine. Mascara ran down her cheeks, and her eyes were swollen - puffy from crying too much. She was dressed in a sheer black dress with a leotard underneath - her long red hair styled in a messy curly bun on the top of her head.

“Courtney,” Bianca cried. “It happened.”

Courtney gasped and quickly wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close. She smelled like wine and cigarettes, more specifically her mom’s cigarettes.

Courtney ushered her in, making space for her on her small black ikea couch. She grabbed a wine glass, pouring the rest of Bianca’s wine in it before she took a sip. Bianca whined, tipping the bottle over and staring sadly when no wine spilled out.

“You’ve had enough wine, don’t you think?” Courtney murmured, taking a sip.

“My mom just died. Don’t you think I deserve to get completely shitfaced?” Bianca asked, sounding quite sober. Courtney frowned, staring down at her glass, before she sat down next to her.

“I know she was ready, and I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared, but fuck. I wasn’t Court.” Bianca said, barely a whisper. “Hospice was so good to her, but she was too young.”

“I agree.” Courtney nodded. “48 is way too young for someone to pass. But she fought hard Bianca.” Courtney placed her hand gently on hers, squeezing softly.

“I’m all alone now Courtney.” Bianca sobbed, tears streaming down her face rapidly. “It’s not fucking fair! Why did she have to fucking leave me like this?”

“Hey, hey, shhhh.” Courtney soothed, wiping the tears away from her eyes gently. Bianca’s makeup was all but gone, revealing the young 24 year olds features. She looked so vulnerable with, her brown eyes darting around the room rapidly. They were darker than normal, almost like a black hole. It’s like Bianca was consuming herself from the inside out. Courtney could feel her dark empty eyes swallowing her whole too though. There was something so hauntingly beautiful about them, and she was hopelessly captivated.

“I’m just so fucking angry. Why did she have to get sick? Where am I going to live? Fuck!” Bianca stood up angrily, throwing the bottle and shattering it on the opposite wall.

Bianca was going through the stages of grief quickly. Courtney was stunned into silence, frozen in place on the couch as Bianca stood there, fists clenched.

“I mean, did she even have any money set aside? Did she ever stop and think about making sure her kids were secure? She was just so fucking selfish!” Bianca ranted, pacing back and forth.

These were questions Courtney didn’t have the answer to. She sat there silently, staring at the firey redhead rant to no one in particular. Court let her keep going, watching her voice raise up and soften as she talked herself through her anger.

“Aren’t you going to fucking say anything Courtney?” Bianca exclaimed after some time, throwing her hands in the air.

Courtney wasn’t sure why, but suddenly the energy in the room shifted dramatically. A flicker of light flashed through Bianca’s eyes, as her frown suddenly flipped to a wicked grin.

“I-I don’t know what you want me to say.” Courtney stuttered nervously, aware of Bianca stalking dangerously closer to her. She ripped off her tall black louboutins and violently threw them across the apartment. She spread her legs apart, straddling the attractive blonde as she wrapped her legs around her. Courtney lost the will to speak, inhaling the intoxicating combination of Marlbros and red wine.

She had been developing feelings for Bianca for months, but had no idea it was mutual.

It probably wasn’t mutual, but Courtney didn’t want to think about that right now.

She wanted to be young and reckless.

Bianca traced her lips softly with her finger, breathing softly as she met her eyes.

“Are you just going to stare at me pussyface, or are you going to do something?” Bianca murmured, moving a golden lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

“Bianca, is this really what you-”

Courtney was cut off by Bianca’s soft dark red lips. Courtney moaned into the kiss as Bianca engulfed her, pressing herself closer to her as she sat on her lap. Bianca was seeping, she could feel her wetness on her lap as she grinded up against her.

Courtney groaned, feeling electric as she ripped her purple robe with one single pull. Courtney’s small breasts fell out, and she shrugged out of the robe as she attempted to gently unzip Bianca’s black dress.

“Just fucking rip it.” Bianca whispered huskily as she trailed kisses down to her neck. Courtney did as she was told, ripping the sheer fabric in half as she watched it fall to the floor. Bianca yanked her up, and Courtney stepped the rest of the way out of her destroyed purple robe.

Courtney was left in her light pink Victorias Secret thong. Bianca stared at her hungrily before she tore off her black leotard in one shot. Her tan breasts were perky and plump, her nipples erect from being so turned on. Unlike Courtney, she had no underwear on and stood there boldly letting Courtney gape at her perfectly proportioned body before she closed the distance again.

“Are you just gonna stare, or are you going to actually fucking do something?” Bianca asked, before slapping Courtney’s firm ass. Courtney welped, feeling a tingle travel down to her groin area.

Courtney pulled Bianca close to her, kissing her neck and moving down to her breasts. She gripped one in her hand as she swirled her tongue around her erect nipple. Bianca moaned loudly, squirming against her as they stood there in the middle of her studio. Courtney nibbled softly on the nipple, massaging the other breast lovingly as she switched off between sucking and biting.

“Oh fuck,” Bianca gasped, squirming violently before pushing her off. “Bed, now.” She ordered.

They moved to the queen sized bed a few feet away, where Bianca pushed Courtney onto the mattress. Hastily, Bianca tore off her thong throwing it with the rest of their ripped clothes. Courtney reached up, grabbing Bianca’s other breast with her mouth. Bianca moaned in surprise, as Courtney sucked on it softly. She gripped her nails into Bianca’s back as she pleasured her, causing Bianca to shake above her.

“That’s enough.” Bianca growled. Courtney felt her struggling above her, and then realized she was angrily popping off her fake nails. She then violently shoved 2 fingers inside of Courtney, surprising her. Courtney gasped, moaning as she circled around her clit and pumped in and out. Courtney was sticky sweet, she could hear Bianca’s fingers hitting her wet walls each time she pumped in and out. She was so turned on, Court thought. She bucked her hips up, Bianca added a third finger eliciting a long moan.

“That’s my girl.” Bianca smirked satisfied as Courtney arched her back against her. “Come for me, pussyface.”

Courtney did as she was told, legs shaking violently as she climaxed against Bianca. She sighed as she removed her fingers from her, leaving Courtney breathless. She was breathing heavily as Bianca licked each of her fingers.

“Too tired? Here, I’ll help.” Bianca suggested breathily. Before Courtney knew it, Bianca was straddling her face, gripping her headboard. Courtney gripped her thighs as she sat on her face, letting her tongue swirl around her mauve clitoris for the first time. She was soaking, and very ready as she quaked dangerously above her. Courtney dug deeper with her tongue, swirling long firm strokes against her walls. Bianca moaned dangerously loud, squeezing Courtneys head with her legs. Courtney slapped her ass in response, moving her legs apart again as she reentered. She nibbled softly on her clit, before sweetly licking her inside and out. She inserted a single finger to go in and out of her walls as she focused on her clit with her tongue, and Bianca bucked her hips against her.

“Come on baby.” Courtney pleaded as she made circles with her tongue. Bianca groaned, and Courtney felt hot liquid as she let her tongue go faster and faster. Bianca screamed her name, thrusting against her face as her perfect breasts bounced up and down. She arched her back and thrust herself one last time into Courtney before collapsing against the headboard. She gasped for air, and Courtney maneuvered expertly out from underneath her.

Bianca turned around, laying on her back and motioned for Courtney to come lay in her arms.’

The next morning when Courtney woke up, Bianca was already gone. Her torn clothes were gone as well. A note was left on the bed where she laid the night before.

“I’m sorry. Last night was a mistake.”

After that night, Bianca had pretended that it had never happened. In fact, the very next day when Courtney saw her she was acting completely normal. Like she hadn’t just fucked the shit out of her best friend.

Courtney was angry. Because now, she was blatantly flirting with Adore. They hadn’t even talked about that night since it had happened. Courtney hadn’t even told a soul, for fear it would make her and Bianca look bad. Who fucks someone the night they lose their mom? Apparently Courtney.

But how Bianca treated her - that wasn’t Adore’s fault.

“You guys are right.” Courtney sighed. “I owe Adore an apology.”

—————–

“I feel stupid.” Adore sighed as she walked out in the long black cardigan, sequin black tanktop, and nine west pants.

“Why? You look amazing.” Bianca asked incredulously, letting her eyes scan her lean body. “Derrick, this outfit for sure.”

“Great!” Derrick exclaimed, ushering Adore back into the dressing room. “I’ll be right back, I have to go take a 20 minute break or else my boss will write me up. I’m already overtime.”

Bianca nodded and sat in the dressing room in silence as Adore changed into the next outfit.

“Bianca?” Adore called.

“Yes?” Bianca asked impatiently,

“Can you help me get this bra off?” Adore asked.

Bianca felt heat rush to her cheeks.

“Uh sure.” Bianca said, standing up to go to her room.

She entered the dressing room and Adore was standing there with her arms behind her back trying to unhook the black lace bra. Bianca’s breath hitched in her throat as she saw how much better her breasts looked in this bra.

She closed the distance as she let her fingers rest on her back. Adore gasped, feeling the energy in the room shift. She couldn’t see Bianca’s face in the mirror since she towered over her. Bianca unhooked the bra with ease, and Adore let the bra slip from her shoulders. She held the cups against her breasts and met Bianca’s eyes in the mirror.

“Thanks.” Adore murmured, biting her lower lip.

“No problem.” Bianca whispered, eyes fixated on the lower lip in the mirror. She gulped, clearing her throat before stammering, “I, uh yeah, I’ll go so you can finish up.”

Adore nodded, frozen in place as she watched Bianca exit the dressing room, the overbearing energy leaving with her. Did she just have eye sex with her boss? And like it?

Maybe Farrah wasn’t the only girl she was interested in after all.

[rookiewithachance]

tag gameeee

i was tagged by the ever so lovely @theyugiohtrashcan <3 A- age: 19! B- birthplace: fukin Florida C- current time: 11:55 D- drink you had last: water bb! I had to take my meds this morning lol E- easiest person to talk to: back atcha @theyugiohtrashcan​ F- favorite song: kdsjsalkdsga fuckin idk man. I love music. Probably something from Be More Chill or Hamilton right now. I’ll put it as a tie between Michael in the Bathroom, Two Player Game, One Last Time, and Wait For It bc i cant decide  G- grossest memory: yikes uh...... idk I tend to block out most of the gross things but I remember all too vividly when I got my wisdom teeth removed they gave me a pain medication that had sulfur in it, which I was allergic to but didn’t know?? So Kat was over keeping me company while I whined about my mouth hurting when I got really sick. Like, throwing up then sitting on the bathroom floor with a cool washcloth on your forehead waiting for the next wave to hit you level of sick. She was htg a real trooper and a sweet heart, and stayed with me until the worst of it passed, and I couldn’t sleep, eat, or take any pain medication for the next... idk like twelve hours or so??? while we waited for the stuff to get out of my system H- horror yes or horror no: No but lowkey a little yes. I’ve been watching less of it recently which helps my mental health but I still get that little thrill from horror even though it gives me nightmares and only feeds into my anxiety????? its a mess lol J- jealous of people: Ya dude. I’ve had a jealousy problem for years, that I think stems from my anxiety K- killed someone: it was the summer of 1963........................... L- love at first sight or should i walk by again?: Kat seems to have stolen my views on this: No, but I can be drawn to someone at first sight, usually because of what they’re doing or what they’re saying that I happen to overhear but I’m not really attracted to... looks?? If that makes sense?? I mean I have a “type” bc literally every girl i’ve dated has been kinda similar (primarily short and chubby.............. ehehe), but I won’t date someone or be attracted to them just because of that?? If that makes sense?? M- middle name: Ann. boring i know N- number of siblings: none bb oNLY CHILD SWAG O- one wish: uh?? i guess to not have to worry about money. while it would be nice to magically become neurotypical, i don’t feel like??? I would be the same person??? not that my mental illnesses are part of my personality, but they’ve taught me a lot and those lessons are a huge part of who i am today so.... yeah, probably the money thing. either always having enough money for what i need or just. living in a post-currency society. either is good P- person you called last: the last person who called me was my mother, but the last person I myself called.....? I think it was my manager Q- question you’re always asked: does Kelli is gay? or just stuff about my sexuality in general, especially being a gray ace lesbian. that confuses a lot of people in the south.......... part of the reason i’m going to college somewhere a little less southern tbh R- reason to smile: FUCKIN LIFE DUDE. LISTEN OK IM A PHILOSOPHY MAJOR AND I GET H*CKED UP ABOUT HTIS. LIFE IS A GODDAMN ANOMALY AND THERES NO REASON THAT ANY OF US SHOULD BE OR ARE HERE AND YET W E F U C K I N A R E. THATS SHITTIN AWESOME DUDE. IM HERE HAVIN A GOOD TIME WITH A GOOD FRIEND CHILLIN OUT AND WERE BOTH HERE AND ALIVE AND WE EXIST EXACTLY THE WAY WE ARE THAT HTATS HELLA GUYS S- song you sang last: ksjafldkjalksgje it was probably something Hamilton, Kat’s right. was it Take a Break??? probablu T- top 3 fictional characters: i cant choose........................ uhhh i guess Michael Mell from Be More Chill (Jeremy and Christine are close seconds, but i need my Nerdy Depressed Anxious Chubby Son) probably tops the charts right now, Humbee from MINIBOSS (an excellent comic on dA, i suggest it to everyone), aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Nightcrawler/Kurt Wagner from X-Men! U- underwear color: //has to check// ok yeah i was right, they’re blue with bright yellow lacey trim V- vacation: uh..........................??? im not sure what this question means, but Kat answered it like her ideal vacation so... idk probably going to a big city like NYC or Seattle (which is on my bucket list to visit) with money to throw around and just. go see shows and explore. W- when’s your birthday: June 15! It just happened lol X- x-rays: uhhhhhhhhhhh. the last one I had was earlier this year when I was really really sick and I had to get checked for pneumonia??? i didnt have pneumonia but i had strep that i didn’t take care of properly which could have turned into pneumonia but turned into bronchitis instead Y- your favorite food: fuckin. idk man. i like food. Z- zodiac sign: im a mf gemini

and can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i’ll tag @ifyoujustbelieveinme, @sorry--imfangirling, @sonofdysonsphere, @kaiju-genital-thunderstorm, @fangirltothefullest, @fanofallthingsadorkable, and @consistant-screaming-to-the-void! Plus anyone else who wants to do this, if you’re looking for a reason to do one of these, this is it!! IM TAGGING YOU BITCH, just put me as the person who tagged you bc i wanna see it :3

[robronobsession]

Personal shit.

Right so I felt like writing a personal post just to get some stuff out though Im not interlay sure where to start.

Lately I've been like questioning myself (resulting in changing my icon to the Bi and Ace flags with a Lily in) and I know I said on here Im bi/ace for a while now but a quick comment into something which sometimes feels like a empty void is different then actually sitting down and thinking about it. Soooo, I think Im bi but Im not sure I’d want to go out with a man and I don't know if that makes me more lesbian or... like I think boys are attractive but I just don't know, so I think I'm going to stick with Bi for now. Also I think I'm ace but in my experience so far finding out if something isn't there is harder then finding out if it is there if that makes sense. Like...the idea of sex just seems like something other people do, like I don't get how people go from liking someones face to wanting to squish bits but I understand it something people like to do and I think id be a be grossed out by someone trying to, you know, with me. And coveting that back to the Bi thing I feel like Id be /ok/ with a women, but I don't really have a desire to, which again does that make me full gay idk this is super confusing:/  And well Im trying to except who ever I am but Im finding that super scary even though I know no one I know would give a shit. Last year I tried to do something stupid and part of the reason was bcuz I was scared and didn't know if I wanted to be like this (Especially since I had just told a girl I thought she was cute, which fuck thats never happening again, and actually admitting that scared the shit out of me), which sounds horrible and I feel really bad for not wanting to be attracted to women but I felt like that, but Im trying to get over that now. I told one of my best friends who I am and plan to tell the other when I see her and I know she’ll be fine with it as well but telling other people or just letting them find out is so scary to me bcuz people have rejected me all my life even when they thought I was str8 and I feel like this is just something else to add to that. 

Ok... so I umm tried to do something stupid which I'm sure someone reading this might know and it was because of the stuff up there and just feeling really depressed and so anxious all the time and just everything really, I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone about how I feel but Im just going to try and deal with it all. I feel like what I did wasn't serious enough to try and talk to anyone or try an help myself bcuz well I did a pretty shit job (hence why Im still here) and spent most of the time just crying so I don't know if it even counts. But for my stupid attempted I haven't worn anything which doesn't cover my wrist (yeah I only managed one that how shitty I tried.) in ages and Im worried I'm just going to have these faint lines on my wrist for ever and that just makes me feel so so crap. I took some time off tumblr and I'm not sure if that was bcuz this is my ‘happy place’ and I wanted to punish myself of bcuz I felt guilty/bad that I'm in the same fandom as the girl I said I //liked// (I'm not good with separating wether I wanna be friends with someone to weather I’d wanna date them so Idk if I liked her) and I felt bad interacting with her friends and just being in the same fandom basically, I feel better about coming on here now but I still don't feel like before. Also Im sorry if Ive mentioned it a few too many time it just I feel so bad and stupid about it that I cant stop thinking about it and when I think about things I post. 

I might leave it there, theres more stuff I could cram in but I feel stupid posting this kind of stuff.