#theres of course also his natural personality and the fact that he /was/ commanding officer in button house for so long

[seefasters]

the captain being the way he was in the beginning of the series makes so much sense now though. he died with stolen medals and a symbol of authority that did not belong to him, it's only right that he overcompensated in trying to prove he actually deserved them

[tgai-spock]

anyway here chapter 1 new trek fic with spock erm. they.

no title

untitled

will find it oh shit its 1 now

The talk of the ship was a book, created by Anna Natasha detailing the events of people in life threatening situations, some of whom were ex-starfleet. It was the newest hit culture sensation. The beginning to the book was filled with the species involved, human, orion just common facts about their species, how long they could go without food, how long they could go without water, It was unneccesery as every moment a person spent in peril the narrator tended to remind you, but it was introsting. The book wasn’t about comparing, it was about pushing the boundaries of surivial, hope in the face of certain death, so it was no surprise the Captain Kirk had managed to devour it.

“I’m just saying” Kirk said with a shrug “I’m forcing the whole crew to read the entire thing.”

Spock, who had stopped and blinked up back to Kirk “I don’t think-“

“It’s logical” Kirk counters.

Spock raises an eyebrow “how?”

“It’s full of surivial tips, in different situations with real people.”

“Hold - hold on. Some of the things people do actively put themselves in a worse situation, take Akala and David, they’d have a few extra toes each if they hadn’t caused that avalanche.”

“True” Kirk nodded “but, we can learn from their mistakes, don’t start a fire beanth a mountain made curly of snow.”

“Jim boy, if there’s some silly folks thinking lighting a fire while inside the mountain thats more snow than stone I don’t think there’s any hope for them.”

“Yet David and and Akala still survived” Spock said.

“Hey, you would agree with me. That said you’ve be awful to have any, the amount of wrong survival decisions you make.”

Spock frowned “I am still alive, therefore I have made all the right survival decisions.”

“Jim, what do you think you should do when your stabbed through?”

“Die? No see a doctor.”

“Great, so you can confirm, you do not run around, and then try to fight people?”

“Objection, I did see you a doctor first, unfortunately it was you-”

“Hey!” McCoy yelled.

“Gentlemen, please” Kirk rolled his eyes “I’ve already made up my mind, it’s mandatory reading.”

“I doubt it will make much difference” McCoy said into his lunch “I think the whole crews already gone through it, I’ve seen Chapel read through it twice. She think Adam Smith cute. Ugh.”

“Was that the Adam in the desert or the one working in the natural disaster relief?”

“The one that got himself lost in the desert.”

“She has bad taste”

“Yeah I’d say” McCoy said grinning, knowing her not so secret crush.

“I bet I could fill an entire book with my near death experiences” Kirk says placing the book down and finished off his stake.

“That’s all my logs are. You drag me down to a damn planet I don’t need to be on, an I almost die.”

“You hardy ever die.” Spock mumbles.

“Thank you Spock, oddly enough the ideal amount of times to die, is once, and it should be perment. But oddly enough I do count people shooting weapons at me as a near death experience.”

Spock frowned “even if they don’t hit you?”

“Why are you acting like thats weird? Yes even if the loaded gun misses my head by 2mm and I am unscathed, that is still a near death experience.”

“Then I could defiantly fill up a book of near death experiences that I didn’t even get whilst on duty” Kirk said.

“Likewise.”

“You should both be dead. I am the only one keeping this ship alive.”

“Fun fact I really should be dead” Spock said.

“I’m signing you up to therapy-”

“A slightly older version of me went back in time, and save me from dying when I was a child.”

“He’s lost his marbles.”

“Really?” Kirk frowned.

Spock looked up to Kirk and frowned “yes.”

“Right. Of course. You’d think time travel would be a bit harder to come by, when I was a kid I never even imagined time travel to exist.”

“That would save us both a lot of trouble.”

“I sure hope your referring to a certain planet, and not your own existence.”

“I was referring to how your up bring and birth would have been completely different but your not wrong.”

“Oh I guess so, any time travel in you childhood Bones?” Kirk asks.

“No Jim. I’m a normal person. Just a country doctor.” He says smugly.

“I’m a normal person. I think, and Spock a normal-”

“The only vulcan humans hybrid.”

“That doesn’t make you unnormal.”

“Mathmaticlly it does.”

“Well I’m not speaking math, your a normal person to me.”

“I have no concept of the words you are saying, but, thank you?”

“That’s it! The only un-normal person I’ve ever known was this boy in my high school, he used to cut open animals and try to frankenstein them back into life.”

A psychopath…or a scientist? Spock psychopath or scientist?”

“You eat dead animals all the time” Spock said “how are you not a psychopath.”

“I’m not just saying that, if theres a lot of animal deaths going on there it’s an early sign that they could later try killing a human.”

“Intresting… then I would suggest an immoral scientist.”

“So evil.”

* * *

He turned the tablet over in his hands, and he turned it again so the email would look at him. He turned it around again, a slow spin, his mind making the same turns. In the end it was a two way choice to accept or reject. To accept would give people a glimpse of himself, it would help home vulcans, and it could mean that his own crew would treat him differently. Worse. Or that look of pity, something that should only be given to a puppy needing a home, a look that should only be given by those stepping up to home the puppy. Not a look to a person about an experience so long ago that it was now apart of their being. To reject would hold off valuable resources to vulcan. Not hold away as such, but he could bring extra to those who need it, for those to rebuild their culture before the older vulcans with knowledge die before the planned regains its true self suficentcy. New vulcan currently had an unbalance, doctors to builders, to skilled to unskilled. Skilled workers needed to be brought in from outside sources and that did cost money. His tablet buzzes, another email from Kirk. He wants to talk.

Spock enters Kirks room at the same time as McCoy. McCoy got that air about him, like a hen puffing up to protect her eggs.

“Whats going on Jim?” McCoy asks.

“You would never believe the email I just got” Kirk said with a smile, and McCoy unpuff a bit sensing his mood.

“What is it?” McCoy asked.

“Anna Natasha has just informed me that she has permission to seek any life and death stories from starlet personal, as long as they haven’t happened while on duty, or involve starfleet.”

“Oh well you said just this morning you could fill an entire book. Are you thinking about accepting.”

“I don’t know” Kirk shrugged “should I? They offered me a lot of money, and whilst there are some situations I don’t want to repeat… I think I have a couple of situations I wouldn’t mind sharing.”

“Well, whatever you do, just don’t accept for the money.”

“I have the same email.”

“Oh?” Kirk says surprised.

“And I was thinking about accepting just for… the donation to new vulcan.”

“Oh. Donating. To new vulcan - hey I could do that? I could get my self a few treats, and then donate the rest.” Kirk said thoughtfully.

“Don’t let me influence how you spend your money” Spock said.

“No, I’d want to, I could split some cash between charities. Do you think my crew would disrespect if I told everyone, about this time I spat in a mans face.”

“Did you do it while also pushing a plane wreck survivor over the edge a cliff?” McCoy asked.

“No, I did not pull a Bella Saurus.” Kirk said.

“Then I think it might be okay. You could always retell me about the situation first, and then I could give you my initial reaction. You too Spock. In fact clear it with both of us first.”

“Is that an order?”

“I’m just saying, you ain’t got emotions, for all I know you could have cut up a corpse to keep yourself warm, and that ain’t going to go over smoothly with there rest of the crew.”

“Firstly thats disgusting, and secondly that sounds logical.”

“Jim, Jim help me.”

“It is not an order Spock, do whatever you like. However if you would like an ear to bat one of your experiences off first to see if that will effect how you interact with your crew, both me and McCoy offer a friendly ear.”

“Thank you.”

“Thats what I just set.”

“No… you said somethings about cutting up copses and living in them. Would that work?”

“It does, many people have survived a cold winter by climbing into the corpse of a dead animal.”

“Humans are weird.”

“Okay.

* * *

Four days after he received his email Spock realised that he not care what his crew thought of him, he had had foul rumour spread across the ship many times before he’d become commander and some after. Half of the rumours were true. But it had never stopped him, whether someone thought he was mean or cruel. If someone decided he was stupid, or a narcissist or selfish psychopath. It didn’t matter. Wether his crew viewed him as evil or good he could still common them, put them in the brig for disobedience, but few disobeyed him know he’d follow through fully on any threats. The only thing that held him back was James.T.Kirk and Leonard McCoy, and a few of the other commanding officers he respected and admired. He did care what they thought of him, and it worried him to think that they might learn of one experience and think of him as evil, though he couldn’t even bring to mind the slightest of experiences that could label him as evil, as least not one he had taken off duty. On the seventh day after receiving the email, he decided he wanted to tell them anyway.

It was an odd experience, he was not what could be described as a talker, and he liked to represent himself as the person he was in the moment. Not to be judged by the past but only by the present an ever turning of events. Not to be judged by the future nor the past, not to allow someone to think that all these past things were an explanation for his present being when in between all of that were countless books, people, and not so threatening experiences, mundane everyday activities which just as much effected his present if not ever more so. He did know Jim had been on taurus, he had told him a long time ago through passing conversation. He didn’t talk about it a lot, just mentioned it. Spock didn’t judge him for it and couldn’t, but that didn’t mean other people didn’t. Yet Spock did not have a taurus. So he wasn’t really sure what he was so worried about, most of the situations he was in, was in part due to his clumsiness. After duty the three gathered to talk for an evening.

* * *

McCoy opened up his medical chest on the coffee table between them. They were in Jims quarters one of the few rooms that allowed a personal place to sit, and these sofas were rarely used.

“Just to be clear” Jim said “I don’t need a hypo.” McCoy grinned and opened the chest to reveal a bottle of brandy.

“Is there any occasion that will not result in you drinking?” Spock asked somewhat unsurprised.

“Brain surgery. Well, I mean I’ll have a shot to keep my nerves down, medicinal helps me work.”

“You’ve done brain surgery on me” Spock said appalled.

“One shot just wasn’t going to help me I did, five.”

“Jim” Spock said seriously.

“He’s joking Spock” Jim said scratching his head, as he took a glass from McCoy.

“I’m not” McCoy mouthed at Spock.

“Bones don’t.”

“Wait Spock, what would you rather, I do brain surgery on you after one shot, or an unknown sober vulcan does brain surgery on you.”

“Neither let me die in peace.”

“Thats it buddy, one more word that some how equates to you not being alive, and I’m putting you back on suicide alert.”

“You had him on suicide alert?” Jim asked appalled “are okay.”

“I am perfectly fine, and not suicidal” Spock says seriosuly.

“I literally don’t know whats going through his head, I have him on it almost every other week. Although it is procedure to put people on suicide alert after they’re toruted or have a near death experience for at least four weeks. And Spock rarely goes without either.”

“They’re should be a maximum amount of near death experiences that can get you put on suidide, and then after twenty five or so, they just shouldn’t apply.” Spock said.

“See that sounds logical to him” McCoy shrugged “when humans get beat up that much they usually get so tired being in pain so often that sometimes, the kill themselves.”

“I haven’t.”

“The procedures are for normal people. Anyway” McCoy swirls the drink in his glass as he points from Spock to Jim “who’s starting? Lets get these death tales underway, I might even throw one in myself. But only one, unlike some people I’m not dying every other day.”

“Fair enough” Jim nodded “Spock, you’ve heard some of mine before now, would you mind starting.”

“That seems fair, although I have decided to go for my youngest experiences as I feel people won’t be able to hold that strong opinion on something a child has done.”

“You? A child? I doubt.”

“Thats true I was just a very short man.” Spock agree and McCoy snorted into his drink.

“Okay I’m sorry. Okay. I am turning into nice McCoy, go on with your story.”

“Well you’ve not nearly drunk enough to turn into nice McCoy but very well.”

The gaps between us

I was nine years old at the time, it was Van’Dra at the time on vulcan. Vulcan has six seasons, Van’Dra is the hottest of them, it is the only season where the desert doesn’t cool at night and the cheikkka bugs can be spotted with their glowing neon wings gathering in groups before coming to their yearly demise. Vulcans schools don’t have a summer holiday as such, but as it is the time of most wildlife, and the occasional festival, this season is used to practice survival skills, or for independent learning and volunteer work, which the majority of all school age children work for to support their own communities and gain outside knowledge of how the world works.

That year I had not applied to work the in any volunteer work as it was pointless, despite my fathers stubborn insistence that I do so. Instead I had decided to spend my time studying, and visiting ‘Vulcans Forge’ by myself.

“Wait is that not obviously dangerous?” McCoy asked. 

“Yes, but not for me I spent a lot of my time there.” Spock said. 

“Why? Just in the outback.” McCoy said.

“I like nature and I like looking at bugs, thats why I’m a scientist.”

“Okay… I guess. no wait loads of fully grown vulcans used to die there. I remember-”

“McCoy are you trying to talk me out of going to a place that no longer exists.”

“Let him talk” Jim moaned who was very much enjoying listening to the info dump on vulcan.

“Well, I’m just saying, that just sounds like a bad idea. Sounds like a Adam in the desert move.”

“I spent more time in the desert than my own home. What I am talking about is probably the worst thing, with a single exception, to happen to me in the desert, and I spent 8 more years visiting the forge without incident.”

“Okay well that-”

“I’ve not even begun-”

“Sorry! Sorry carry on Mr Spock. Stop telling me about the seasons.”

“It’s important.”

“You almost die of thirst? You get heat stroke?”

“Have another drink Doctor.” Spock said and he continued.

My brother-

“BROTHER?!” Both McCoy and Kirk yelled.

“Oh you didn’t know?” Spock said slyly “maybe I’ll tell you about him if you be quiet.”

“A brother? I have so many questions.” Jim said

“Can I answer all of them?” Spock asked

“Sorry carry on.”

My brother, the son of Sarek, and a vulcan princess, had come out of a distant small mountain community- McCoy if you say one more word I will kill you. He had recently moved into our family home as his mother had died. His entire existence had been kept a secret and was a surprise to everyone. No. No McCoy save your questions for later.

Sybok was a truly unique vulcan and one of whom I rarely met. His mother had believed in emotion- if I have to remind you one more time I will end you without mercy. So he was taking time to adjust to the house. My Father always urged the strictest emotional control, more so than any normal vulcan would ask, my mother would go against his wishes anytime he was gone more than a day from the house. Yet she was rarely so emotional with me, she might watch a film with me but or introduce me to a new earth book, but with Sybok she encouraged him to be happy. Since Sybok had missed out on important training in controlling himself at a young age and saw his emotion to the one thing tying him to his mother he found this entire concept very difficult and disturbing.