#theres no way this kid is always happy let him be ANGRY

[coke-vapor]

if there ever was to be a war against the gods, i don’t think anyone from pjo would be on their side, percy says he understands luke’s perspective in hoo and you can see parts of that in the choices he makes. after everything they’ve gone through at the hands of the gods? they’d never side with them again.

but the person i want to focus on is will.

will who lost everything in the first war, will who saw countless kids, his siblings die in that war. who was thrust into the role of camp counsellor at only 12 after witnessing michael and lee die only days before. will who saw even more kids die fighting gaea. will who saw jason grace, one of the bravest demigods hes ever met, die on a quest for his now-human once-god father. jason who after giving his entire life to the gods, got nothing in return. will who knows a drop of the pain nico, the person will loves with everything, has suffered because of the gods and their cruelty towards him, not to mention all he suffered indirectly because of them. will who went to tartarus, faced the trauma of it as well as being faced with his past and the losses he’s faced. will who survived as a child of apollo. that will. that will being so tired of seeing the pain and death caused by the gods, he simply… stops caring about the gods.

he’d still rather not use violence still. if theres a way to work it out without violence hed prefer that. but if the need comes will can be absolutely terrifying in a fight. no one expects will to be capable of pain, being the camps head healer and generally a kind person; until the same camp songs sung to sooth scared kids as their bones heal are now screeched at a ear shattering volume, using light to permanently blind without remorse, manipulating plagues to spread instead of heal. will is terrifying if he gets angry enough. if facing him, one is reminded that the sun is still a burning ball of gas, and not something to screw around with and neither is will solace. god forbid you lay a hand on someone will cares about. it will never be forgotten.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I know theres a lot ot talk of Hobie's past and I love the idea of BigFamily!Hobie. But may I PLEASE add to the table:

StreetKid!Hobie -

It's not as happy or wholesome of a backstory as Hobie with a big family, and a big community - but there's still tenderness there I PROMISE.

Like - Maybe Hobie understood what Gwen was going through because he's been through it himself. He knows what it's like.

I like the headcanon that Hobie just...didn't have a family. No tragic backstory or anything. Just the sharp reality that the system lets some kids fall through the cracks.

Because it's a story or reality we hardly ever see, but it's one that exists - being a homeless street kid. We hardly see that story in it's entirety, rather than just the dramatic scenes.

But like STREETKID!HOBIE

He doesn't have anyone to take him to school or buy him uniforms - so he went to the library to teach himself. He doesn't have much money, but the men at the kebab shops know him, the kid that comes in asking for 'anything they've got' , with 2 pounds 50 pence. So they start feeding him, free of charge.

He helps run errands for the old ladies, and they make sure he has clothes for the winter. They'll knit him sweaters and scarves, and give them to him, telling him to run home and get inside, not knowing that might not be an option for him.

But even if they don't know the whole story, the know Hobie the streetkid, who looks tough but has a heart of gold and will help with anything - the kid who'll feed the stray cats before himself.

Most nights, he sleeps at F.E.A.S.T - because we always talk about how great F.E.A.S.T is but never what it's like to actually have to live there as a homeless person for an extended period of time.

The adults know his face, they worry if they don't see him in a bit. They set blankets aside for him, ask him if he's eaten, and for the first time in forever, maybe in his life, he has people who cares - people who want to help.

F.E.A.S.T makes Hobie wanna help people.

And THAT's where he finds his family.

He starts finding other kids too. Older Streetkids start helping him out. They let him squat with them, and show him how to do things like steal electronics, and which shops throw out a bunch of good food at night.

And he starts meeting people, and seeing the teens that'll make him person he is later.

He starts hanging out with them more and more - and they start calling him Hobie.

The take him under their wing. They looked out for him, made sure nobody messed with the youngest of the bunch.

Anywhere they sleep or squat - Hobie does too. And on the nights that it's the worse, that's it too much, or too scary - or the nights where he's just angry at the world,

They're there to remind him there's kindness in the world.

That kindness and joy and having a laugh with the mandem is RADICAL, it's an act of defiance, and a form of power. And that you don't need a big house with the picket fence and 2.5 kids to grow up 'right'.

One of the street kids give him his first patches. They snag him the leather vest he wears today, back when he was tiny and short and he had grow into it.

They taught him everything he knows - from laces code to how to stud a jacket. They start taking him to protests, starts explaining why things are the way they are, how the system is meant to keep people like them down.

They teach him what ACAB means and true anarchy

The first person he ever met wearing blue laces - was a Streetkid. An older kid that Hobie couldn't help but look up to, or even be a little jealous of. A cooler kid with tall leather boots and blue laces.

And when the kid smirked and told him what they meant, Hobie couldn't help but think 'That's SO kickass'.

One night, one of the kids brings a record they stole. They play it on the player - and it's Ramones. Hobie, maybe only 13, hearing rock for the first time.

And he's wide eyed and asking who that is, who's playing the guitar, what's the song name, and the older kids just smirk and chuckle cause they KNOW -

That's when Hobie falls in love with rock.

And Hobie spends his teens with these people, becoming the punk rock anarchist god he is. He learns how to help people like they help him.

Some of those kids are still around, some on their feet now, and some living free, sticking with the life of a Streetkid by choice. Some he sees often - they're the ones he has a laugh with at the pub.

Others, have moved on, or passed away.

And one day Hobie looks around and realizes he's the oldest one now. He looks around and realizes he's the older street kid now. He's the big bro - and he loves it.

Gwen wasn't the only one staying there when she lived with him. She's not the first Society recruit either.

Because of the streetkids that gave him a family, Hobie is who he is - he has a houseboat that always has at least one or two kids staying there, just looking for a place to stay or a meal to eat.

No matter what - Hobie will help.

At to all the StreetKids that came before, Hobie remembers them all - all the help they gave him and all the times they saved him. He hopes that one day, there are people to remember him too, the same way.

Because that's what he wants to be remembered for.

Because he's not a hero - SpiderPunk isn't the hero. Those streetkids were the heroes.

They way they helped him - is the way he helped Gwen.

I need more StreetKid!Hobie SO BAD S OBADDDDLLY

What if Hobie's brown ideology and fashion and beliefs and his love for everyone around him is a reflection of the very teens who raised him and kept him safe and they're the reason why he does any of this to begin with for the streetkids MY GOODDDDDD

HOBIE BROWN - THE PATRON SAINT OF WARWARD TEENS

[roseworth]

honestly i don't think any jason after his death seems to really match the one before it? hard to say he's in character at any point then. they might as well have introduced some new guy and told his story through flashbacks. at least the new guy would presumably have someone that cared enough about their oc to give them consistency

can i say something controversial. i disagree with this

i think you have a great point about how robin jason is a lot different than red hood jason, bc a lot of robin stories have him as just an average happy kid so the whiplash from barr tec jason -> utrh jason is insane

on the other hand,, that adds to it for me. this was not winick's intention but i love the idea that jason was just a happy robin that loved his dad & loved being robin then immediately gets crushed because he was living his happy life and thought everything was great, then went through an insane trauma and realized that everything was not as great as he thought so he decided to start killing people. in my head theres a great narrative where he basically becomes unrecognizable to who he was before because thats how bad his death & resurrection fucked him up

but also heres where im gonna get even more controversial! i dont think hes that different!

i loooove barr tec but i think barr has specifically said that he wanted to be writing dick so he just pretended he was. a lot of robin jason writers didnt bother to give him any character of his own, he was just dick 2.0 until starlin

i dont love how starlin wrote jason because his only reason for writing jason like that was that he hated him and wanted to kill him. but. starlin's jason was so distinct from dick that its one of the only times that it feels like jason. honestly if you take early post-crisis robin jason and compare it to starlin jason, its not that different. hes a little aggressive & angry but does it for a good reason, he fights with batman and can be impulsive but has strong morals even if his morals arent always what batman believes, which is very similar to who he was when he first became robin post-crisis

and because starlin jason is one of the only times that jason is distinct from dick (not to mention, in terms of general robin jason knowledge, most of jason's iconic robin stories come from starlin), it makes sense that that version of jason was used in utrh. and the version of jason that had empathy for victims to the point that he wanted to kill the perpetrators makes so much sense for red hood jason. he believed that the best way to get vengeance for the victims was to kill the person who did it, which is why he was so mad that bruce wouldnt do that for him after he died

in my mind there is a very clear progression from the version of jason that died and the version that comes back to life. he had a lot of empathy for the victims when he was robin (to the point that bruce told him that he should sit out the garzonas case bc he got too emotionally invested in it) so it makes sense that when he is the victim of a gruesome murder from someone like the joker, who has killed and done horrible things and isnt going to stop, that he would be extremely pissed that bruce wouldnt let his morals go just to kill the person that killed jason, since thats what jason, even as robin, believed was the best way to get vengeance for the victims

[fumiyami]

Fumikage insecurity headcanons?

hiii!! sorry this answer might have been a bit late I haven’t been posting on tumblr lately at all😰😨😨

I think the most obvious insecurity for fumi is definitely his physical appearance! mostly his bird head since I imagine it doesn’t just get in the way of doing things like kissing others, eating normally, like doing CPR mouth to mouth or something😨but also gets in the way of having a normal social life like everyone else cuz we all know how heteromorphs are treated in the mha universe

also like I imagine he’d be insecure of just showing emotions like being happy or angry or whatver cuz of the bird head! like have anyone ever seen him smile WITH TEETH in the show? I don’t think so! but you’d probably think “that might look weird even not considering how his charatcer already doesn’t usually show feelings like that!” so yeah!! emotion!! AND if he has really strong emotions then like dark shadow has more of a chance to go wild so!!

and THEN one of the most sad ones is just his “inability to control dark shadow” cuz like he isn’t insecure of shadow at all like that’s his quirk! his brother (maybe??), his best friend!! BUT he does think that he’s just too weak to be able to handle them and that ties into the next headcanon!

NEXT! I feel like he’s one of those people who everytime he “messes up” (almost being kidnapped, not being able to be recognised or catch up to hawks straight away etc..) like he blames himself so deeply and it pains him to the core!

ALSO just his social skills in general! like he loves the darkness and being goth and stuff but he also isn’t really okay with the fact that he’ll always be seen (and see himself) as jsut a “weird emo kid with a bird head” and like how he doenst let himself show emotions due to dark shadow getting out of hand if he does!

this one kinda ties in with the emotions one but jsut laughing in general since I remember an actual manga panel (not in the actual manga or anime but i’m not sure from what) where he and a few others from class A saw ms joke and she used her quirk on him and apparently his laugh was like super like big and stuff (no idea how to describe it) and he was probably so embarrassed about it cuz imagine being a stoic goth who may or may not have tried summoning a demon with a ritual before (other headcanon) and then actually laughing uncontrollably infront of classmates!

when class A saw each others dorms and stuff they got to fumikage’s and he was super embarrassed and yelled at them all to get out so he’s probably also insecure of his darkness and gothic (how many times am I gonna say the word goth😰) and stuff so yeah!

I saw someone headcanon that the reason he uses big words and says phrases that are hard for others to understand is because his IQ with tests and maths and stuff is canonically below average so he uses big words to make it seem like he’s smarter so yeah! I so agree with that!!

ILL ADD TO THIS IF THERES ANY MORE I CAN THINK OF CUZ PROBABLY!!

[itsdappleagain]

It's time for the end of season 2- The Deep Dive Caper!

What an absolutely showstopping finale!! I'm so thrilled to liveblog it. This episode gets serious like no other episode really does before or since. Lets get started!

Late, as usual. Buy a lottery ticket the day I do one of these on time. Notes under the cut as always!

right off the bat this episode is pretty much unlike any other. they try to have a caper setup- the vile drive- but it's not long before we realize that EVERYTHING is gone. even in the last finale the sort of "caper" of the episode was rescuing devineaux. this episode is all about answers.

"all on my own. the only sure way i know." hrnnrgh carmen

their boat is being so nice and stationary in the middle of a raging storm and waves taller than they are

"MY FIST IS GOING TO MAKE YOUR GUTS EXPLODE" ivy never change

its ALLL GONE

rip vile island we hardly knew ye

the cs team is just showing off their background artists 😌

ah would you like some mashed shadowsan with your steak

maelstrom your plan sucked babygirl sorry. should have sic'd brunt on her on the train like a rottweiler

interesting plan though. if shadowsan really had killed dexter, what would carmen have done? beat him up? sent him to acme? just thrown him out? she promises to hunt him down if he runs but like what were you going to do after that? murder for a murder?

malestrom: maybe she'll show up in botswana ✨ carmen who's been out for the count for half a year and has no reason to have even shown up in botswana as early as she did:

the teddy bear <3

in love with cleo's boob straps. that safety harness does not even clip in the front its like if a backpack was securing you to a car

that explosion animation is so good though its so impactful

its a damn good thing devineaux showed up when he did he could have been blown to the gates of hell in one second flat and no one would have been any the wiser

chase drinks so much disrespect women juice the first two seasons that he blames julia for an impression of her that his own mind dreamed up i love him for that

angry carmen is so babygirl to me. go bestie show emotion. get so mad about that shit

mmm and theres the shot i used for our title card! and what a fantastic one it is. shadowsan's motif playing in the background as carmen pauses at the oni, but the show itself telling us that he is still on her side with that gigantic, massive symbol of him framing carmen in a circle of red. if you pay attention and learn the colors the team likes, you don't even have to worry about this ep its all cool

you know what the dominant color in this entire scene of carmen trying to find out the truth is, though? blue. even when she's in the server room or staring at shadowsan's oni, the water isnt tinted green like they easily could have made it. its. all. blue.

obsessed with how zack wakes up he's being exorcised and the demon was the peppers and onions

agree it would have been hilarious if devineaux finally gets rescued and it turns out to be a really, really pissed off carmen sandiego

roundabout has the air of a theater kid who always got the leads but had to act surprised about it

evil ihop

i love how confused roundy looks its so funny

devineaux stabbing himself and the scream makes me cry laughing every single time

devineaux really goes ↘️↗️↘️↘️↘️↘️↘️↘️↘️

i would watch a series about devineaux being left to fend for himself on the island and slowly losing his mind

his supervisor was so excited about firing him

okay here we go it all gets real now

carmens realization going from my dad was a cop -> my dad was literally the exact opposite of a cop and neither of those things being things she is happy about

i love the realization hitting her face (even if it was animated. a touch blandly)

shadowsan's face s just animated fantastically here. his eyebrows are up- he realizes carmen is there, maybe confused about why she isnt saying anything. then his eyebrows drop, his face falls ever so slightly. he knows the jig is up

also. yes. "your silence is like thunder" is just. ough its such a good line

he isn't even surprised by the question he knew it was coming eventually

"if you run, I will find you." its not a threat its a damn promise. for older viewers its easy to draw the connection between the famous i will find you and i will kill you. it doesnt have to be said.

mm and carmen rejecting the offer to sit and be comfortable around him. she just can't

even in the flashbacks your can see so much of carmen in him its so great. its dishonorable, and everything carmen stands against, but she is undeniably her father's daughter

the plot for this flashback is so sophisticated its so so good. they treat the audience really well about it

also young faculty designs <3

the red on the inside of dexter's jacket to symbolize his secret with carmen im sobbing

also the decision to make carmen have his eyes is. hrngh.

already been pointed out but the way the music softens when shadowsan says "you" HURTS

THAT BABY IS A SNITCH. carmen. snitchdiego

the heartbreak when present carmen speaks again gfgrgh

i like the new mask he hangs behind him before carmen confronts him, by the way. its green and white- the shadow of vile and his past looming over his shoulder, maybe- but also the mask of vile he had to put on to lie about what really happened to wolfe

BABY CARMEN CRYING AS DEXTER TRIES TO HIDE HER :(((

the dolls rdhg im not crying you are

anyone have any thoughts on a dexter voice claim btw?

also also i sprang this on rueitae already but "dexter" while referring to dexterity and his skill as a thief can also mean "the one who dyes" which. jesus. it refers to dying cloth but the double meaning is ouchie

he locks her in gay baby jail!!!

i gotta stop making jokes about the most serious part of the entire series sorry

there's a little bit of a pink panther hint to his theme as he sneaks out the window which is interesting

rue's also already covered it but what WAS this man's plan for just leaving baby carm in there. like shadowsan says desperation i guess

god young chief shooting and killing an unarmed dexter wolfe and presumably orphaning her is the twist. of a fucking lifetime

the despair in the music cue when it reveals it was only his car keys

the matryoshka dolls getting burned in that fire ahrhgfrdshgsghds

love that shadowsan not only sets the house on fire while he and a baby are still in it but gives said baby an object that just got set on fire

also vile protocol dictating that he should have just burned a baby alive?? what the fuck!

bellum's apathy, mael's mild interest/concern, and cleo's disgust towards baby carm shdfjads

little tiny baby carmen shunting her butt at cleo is hilarious

faculty: omg she's a real natural thief she stole that thing without anyone noticing baby carmen in broad daylight five seconds earlier:

btw bb carm is so cute she's so round

carmen finally just sliding to the floor under the weight of all of that information. now that she has at least the idea that shadowsan was not the one who murdered her father, even if she still needs proof

"why would you make me find out on my own?" is one of the most heartbreaking lines in here. she had to go through this realization almost completely alone. her trust in the man she was coming to see as a father was shattered and he could have just told her. he could have just told her

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shadowsan crying theyre so family

you can just hear the regret and fear and sadness in his voice paul nakauchi is literally so good

REAL CHIEF!

COMMANDER!!!! oh shittt i missed the one and only canon commander caturday rip...

ivy violently hitting the cash register is a mood

the little reveal even in the music as it pans to ivy in the starbucks uniform

chief nailed the good natured but a little exasperated "hmm" when dealing with people who have no idea what they are doing

ivys little look as she sees carmen walk in. the smile drop off her face as she walks away

carmen's theme ahrugdhjdsg the music in this show is so good

what is her hand doing

oh chief no honey

the deadpan "i wouldnt drink it"

i love the little nod/head bow thing of acknowledgement of carmen's efforts

the sinister music as carmen ever so casually pulls off her little trick is GREAT

i didnt know chief could open doors 🤨

congrats on being gay agent argent you did it again

player hack chief so bad the logo goes off of the screen

"somethings wrong" yeah no shit julia

chiefs oh shit face is so funny shes like aohhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooooooo

little guy

im so mature

we love digging up graves

that dawning apprehension on carm's face as she realizes there's a chance she might be about to see the decayed corpse of her twenty-years-dead mom in there

carlotta being modelled after old carmen was a cool choice. lots of fan theories about old carm being her mom this day 🫡

"are you with me?" "to the end of the line." grgfhgjhsdhjsgds im shaking them violently in my teeth if i ever got a cs quote tattoo or something it would probably be that line

the only thing i dislike about this cliffhanger is that in s3 they kind of try to deliver on this big wide promise that this finale gave us and then give up until the last episode of the entire series. like. isk. i feel like they should have either gone harder on the carlotta mystery or left it alone although they did leave me the opportunity to write a 66 thousand word fic series on the concept so i guess i cant complain

half clean shaven half very unshaved chase is so funny its cursed. he shouldnt have no hair but he shouldnt have that much worst of both worlds

devineaux's theme mixing in with that iconic action/danger soundtrack as he grins devilishly is just fantastic shit

chief waiting for a response as chase just silently smirks into the mirror

anyway GOODNESS GRACIOUS i cannot believe we're already through season 2????? what???? tis the end of my favorite season :( but s3/4 are nothing to sneeze at, either!! im super excited to get into more. (plus tsonts? are we doing that?)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can I get E, F, I, and W for the slenderman fluff alphabet, please? Your take on my favorite pasta cryptid of all time is so nice and interesting. Adds a certain depth I don't typically see.

Fluff Alphabet w/ Slenderman but it's these letters!

side thing but guys go listen to redoin by jerryterry its so fucking good im listening to it on loop while im writing this and its making my vibrate

E (EMOTION)-

stone cold exterior, warm squishy interior. still hung up on the "slenderman longs for companionship just like everyone else but rarely gets that need met due to his nature and way of existence"

in other words he can be a passionate sap in regards to you, behind closed doors. he can wrapped up easily in things, so sometimes his passion can be mischaracterized as rage or annoyance but rest assured he's not angry with your existence

right in the middle of the "heart on the sleeve" and "cold and distant" thing, he feels he needs to keep up his image of powerful monster but he doesn't let you think at any moment that you're not important to him

F (FAMILY)-

i don't think he would want kids, and thats assuming he even can. in my au he was created by zalgo with the sole purpose to cause problems for people, i dont think zalgo was thinking about whether or not slenderman can reproduce when he making him

of course adoption is always an option, and who knows, maybe if you guys find some stray kid in the woods he might just take them in

this is where my take on slenderman strays a lot from the original since i personally think slenderman just. kicks kids out of the woods (which leads to them talking about him, which leads to slenderman being a known cryptid in universe) but thats mostly just me not wanting to dwell on child death + giving the dude some level of morals that at least somewhat align with the self loathing that comes with his "i dont want to eat people but i have to in order to survive" thing

but hey i think thats because i love those comics where people draw predator and prey animals where both sides are sympathetic

love shit like that

slenderman is only one part of this huge web that we call nature, simply existing because that's just how things are

whips and nae naes

I (INJURY)-

rest assured that he will tear the world apart should someone or something ever send harm your way. god forbid you are mortally wounded or even killed

he knows some basic first aid stuff thanks to watching people for so so so long, but he's a kriller not a healer, he doesnt know what to do if youre losing a bunch of that red liquid that fuels your insides

oddly calm about it, though, though with the way he holds you you can feel his rage seething under his skin

he himself /can/ get injured but its rarely something to fret about unless its like, from some real powerful person or some human who knows how to take down a specific man eating forest demon; i've actually never really thought about what conditions would need to be met to outright krill slenderman but

yeah

when he's the one hurt he insists you not to worry, it's going to take a LOT to keep him down

if you're injured and its something he can treat he will make sure you take it easy but hes not going to baby you about it

W (WARRIOR)-

okay so im writing this segment first because i can write a whole essay and really i dont know if theres going to be anything stopping me from doing just that. curse you jerryterry, the bops are so good. anyways onto the topic; a lot of my interpretation of slenderman is admittedly based around the early fandom characterization of him + a very specific fic that will remain nameless (though im more than happy to spill the link in dms, said fic also has some influence over my entire au/hc thing but thats not todays topic)

despite what many may think, i feel like, at least with my hyper specific take on slenderman, i feel like he wouldnt want you to fight along side him or be a proxy. only time i can see him date a proxy or fellow kriller is if you were already one prior to the relationship. in my au, slenderman resents his own existence for being what he is, and if he could he WOULD choose to be something else; however he cant rewrite the laws of this universe or fight against his biological functions

like i can go on an entire tangent, but my au is still so scrambled around that im not entirely sure where to start or how im going to make it make sense, but i feel like he would much rather keep you by him and safe (and even then i feel like thats pushing it, sure hes more than capable of protecting you but what if something stronger than him comes and fucks shit up? not all the creepypasta characters are buddy buddy)

but perhaps i will write a collection of loosely connected one shots one day detailing the world building and dynamics

i make no promises

[jerrsterrr]

guys wait let me go insane about superhorrorbro poppyplaytime chapter 3 playthrough guys, guys wait

Low quality sketch im going silly

SPOILERS??? or uf u dont care watch me just say things

THE HOUR OF JOY FOOTAGE

OHHH mY GOD EVERYONE??? EVERYTHING DYING?????? thats so SO MANY PEOPLE especially cause the facility keeps going deeper and deeeper like HELLO??? all the big guys, huggy, kissy, mommy longlegs, catnap ATTACKING all the adults CRAZYEEEE

(cant stop thinking of richie,,, ((the angry worker Ch1)) what happened to richie,,,, PLEAE)

i also cant stop thinking about like all the poor workwrs who didnt know compared to the evil scientists but what about the kids??? Every single little toy littered with blood around the game,, arent those kids who were put into toys???1&×<÷<÷&*+ WHY did they start inner fighting??? (CATNAP making a cult for the prototype BUT OMGS??? Ill come back to this)

THE WAY ITS ALSO CRAZY HOW the kids are merged with toys, THE SPINES!! BRAINS AND ORGANS BEING SCOOPED WHAF THE DHIT!!!! And/or the mental torture??1,1&÷>+> the like tests in chapter 2 being for the orphans so they can go fight/flight and form a connection to the toy they are asaigned WHATTTTT (wack a wuggy or something below)

The orphans AND the coworkers who didnt know (IM SO SAD) especially the footage found about someone wanting to adopt a kid from the inner orphanage (because that was like, a thing for the workers to do) just to get paperwork that "they are in "testing"" LIKE NOOOOAAAOOO. Theres litterally footage of the kids getting picked off with everyone celebrating "who is leaving today?" WHYYYYE (scene where the player goes into the giant sphere where they had a fake town)

and then again what about the kids/workers who DID KNOW. (Catnap,, THEO) like theo being taken away for trying to escape the orphanage, and then being turned into the cat thang (AND THEN THE CO. MAKING HIM INTO A MARKATEBLE PLUSHIE AND SHOW HAGHSHA)

its so crazy how the prototype teied to help him out when he was a kid, and in return once tunred into some giant gas tank to make the orphans sleep, he became the prototypes "worshipper" (he is standing on two legs worshipping bodies that supposed to look like the prototype)

AND THE PLAYER OMG me and my sister had theories about the player being like a worker or a kid from there and it was kinda confirmed to maybe be BOTH??? INSANE!!! hoe did they escape the happy hour?? Why did they come back?? Who wrote the letter "wer'e still here" and WHO do they think is still there LIKE CMON!!!

Theres so much more like how my sister is in love with Mrs.Delight like where did she and the teachers even come from, (I ALSO LOVE HER shes so CRAZY), the kid body left in a duffel bag left at LUDWIGS the OWNER AGHH, DOG DAY!! being left alive and then litterally being EATEN ALIVE??? and then the prototype killing catnap, catnap giving up his body??? (im gonna be so fr i thought the prototype was offering his hand not gonna STAB HIM) hugfy wuggy confirmed dead, AND WHAT HAPPENED TO KISSY MISSY!!!!?

honestly my interest in this is just amplified by SHB cause i love his playthroughs and theories,, (im gonna watch his theory vid when i get home w my sister)

hes somehow always right LMAO i have no idea how he foretold the fact the kids were kept underground from the first chapter brah ???

OKAY IM SO EXCITED about this!!! There may be art!!!!!!!!!!

[ill-say-this-fast]

hey! since the poll ended a while ago, i would like to give my two cents in-

If the general public or the twin's social circle found out about their relationship, how badly would everyone react? Would it be like a pre-HOM situation where everyone is tryna persecute the maximoffs? how would the kids (Billy, Tommy, & Luna) play a role in all this? (and yes, let us all finally acknowledge that these three kids are (long-lost) siblings) #sc*arletv*s*on fans feel free to rage hehehe

Thanks for the ask :) theres a lot to say

In their close social circle I dont know how many people are actually shocked. But suspecting something youd never say outloud and being publically told it are different. It would be a negative reaction generally. I feel like superheros have got better things to do than actually attack them for it, exclude, sure, make nasty comments about, some people probably, but no ones gonna try and arrest them I dont think (definitely not pre-HOM 'maybe we should kill them' ideas). As Toby's said, Wanda's friends might be worried about her, especially those of them that dont like Pietro. But none of them are likely to accept it comfortably if she tells them she's happy. She might get quietly pushed out.

Now its different if the general public find out (who have less reason to already think it). That'll cause a lot of outrage, and the angry crowd will always be louder than the crowd that don't care. That demands a PR response and some of the other heroes would be obliged to either publicly denounce them, argue that its fine and there should be no legal consequences (unlikely), or argue that the evidence is fake.

Frankly Wanda and Pietro should probably be arguing that the evidence is fake. I imagine Wanda would just pretend nothings happened and try and go about her life. A lot of her social circle who were already doing the same about their suspicions might continue to. I can see a lot of the avengers doing that, especially if she's still working with them cuz she's a big asset as well as a friend. But the xmen and that lot, the periphery social circle, who like her less, are much more likely to take the opportunity to attack her.

Pietro doesnt have a lot of friends to lose. Or a lot of good public rep. I do think he'd tailor his general response to fit with Wanda's even if he wanted to tell everyone to go fuck themselves. I see Wanda wanting to keep out of the spotlight (this isnt a wrong of hers to earnestly take accountability for and make right, it's one of the most important things to her heart that people want to insult), and Pietro taking the spotlight for them if she thinks either of them should make a public statement. He'd get in a lot of scuffles about it, especially if people are saying unkind or crude things about Wanda to him to goad him about it. Magneto is more likely to be his problem, either gonna deny it or blame pietro but almost certainly deny especially publicly. Maybe hed try and set Wanda up with other people he approves of more like in ultimates lol.

Wanda wouldnt want to stop doing her helping people job even if the people were horrible. I cant see her running off with Pietro to live away from any hate really, even if he might prefer that. She'd rather negotiate (or magically influence) her way out of a prison sentence if anyone actually managed to bring a legal case against her and keep working even if that means alone now. Maybe move her official domicile to new jersey or rhode island or wherever cuz it wouldnt be a legal crime there even if everyone still hated it. She'd be sadder and lonelier but people leave her that way a lot and she keeps going.

The only thing that might get her really set against other people is if they start bullying her kids. They still have the shield of being magically created even though everyone's gonna be theorising they're Pietro's. (I can see Vision taking the opportunity to blame her and the kids being someone elses for their marriage problems which would add fuel to the fire.)

Billy would hold onto the magically created thing both as a public defence and internally cuz he would not want to think of himself as an incest baby, he might step away from Wanda for a bit to collect himself but he does idolise her. It would be good for him to get over that idolising and appreciate her more as a real person with human flaws and struggles and not his favourite celebrity, and maybe this situation would be a way for that to happen. Or maybe he'd get over the incest first and things would stay the same. Or maybe he'd so not get over it that he starts to feel negatively about her instead. I don't like that but it's possible for him. Especially if he's recieving negative attention, he doesnt handle that well, but also he's a baby god how many people want to test him.

Tommy would definitely fight people bad mouthing him mom in public. He's not worried about protecting his own reputation, he doesnt have a particularly good one and he sets himself against other people easily so what they think is worthless to him. I don't see him being bothered about Wanda and Pietro's relationship. Its more likely to drive him closer to his mom (and dad) because he's setting himself against the people who are against them. People giving him a hard time is nothing new, and he's gonna give worse back because he's vengeful like that, and he can blow things up. (Tbh I'd like Billy and Tommy to argue about it, that would be fun.)

Luna would be far less affected because she isnt their kid, just Pietro's. And she's more than used to people saying bad things about her dad. In-marriage doesn't seem to be taboo for Inhumans so thats not gonna bother her. Maybe the other kids at her school try and bully her about it, but she's more than capable of spilling all their secrets which might keep them in line, and as I said, it's not about her like it is her half-brothers. At the least though, it's another nail in the coffin for Pietro not getting custody if he tries to again.

[puhpandas]

i feel like im repeating things that have already been said but. but ellis makes me happy so whatever

it IS super interesting to look at tony and ellis away from all the fnaf stuff because really, tony is a kid whos forcing himself to grow up for his family, and considers ellis childish for. being twelve. because he had to grow out of that, he had to do more because of his family situation and all that. and because ellis is not doing that, because hes still growing up and letting himself grow up, he doesnt understand the things tony is going through. tony rushes off to complete things and ellis is much more laid back and their personalities clash. but theres a chance that wasnt always the case. if theyve known each other since they were four, then ellis was totally there when the shit went down with tony's family. and he was totally there for tony wanting to grow up. it probably didnt help that tony already knows what he wants to do and how that revolves around his dad too. while ellis (we can assume) has a much more relaxed home environment. and that makes me sad because under normal circumstances im sure they wouldnt be the way they are but not only did tony have that whole thing with his dad, he also died before him and ellis could grow up together and its like. UGH. they actually make me miserable

GOD this is so true. u put it into words so well. its like ellis knows something is wrong but when ur 12 and ur friend is mean to you for seemingly no reason thats all u acknowledge. any understanding they could have had for eachother gets overshadowed by the moments that make eachother angry (tony going off on his own, ellis not tkaing things seriously) and theyre unable to actually look past that and see their own faults. i cant think of anything else to say my brain is jumbled but ur so right

[shrug-em0ji]

had not intended to readmorepost but this is long and rambly and has some sensitive stuff i think?

i mentioned to my coworkers the other day that my mom was a pathological liar (it was relevant, i promise) and neither of them dug for further details but i got caught in this loop of wanting to explain and justify it, probably because its a thing that i used to do a LOT and have only recently gotten better about. but i was thinking about like. why people lie. and my mom and i in particular. and about how when you are hurt profoundly, especially over a prolonged period of time, in ways that people cant see and often dont acknowledge as being worthy of consideration, it becomes really easy to just. fudge the details a little bit. add in an extra pinch of violence. make it sound just a little worse so that when people react their response is proportional to how you felt rather than to what happened.

i have a story that i have often used as an example of the things that happened a lot when i was growing up - i was supposed to be cleaning my room, but i was a kid, and i was bored and overwhelmed by the mess, so i sat down on the floor, on a pile of clothes, and spent 45 minutes daydreaming about my toys coming to life and helping me. when my dad came upstairs to check on me and saw that i hadnt cleaned at all, he got really angry and picked up a little armchair that i had in my room and threw it at my wall hard enough to leave a decently big hole.

for a long time, when i told this story, i said that he threw the chair at me and missed, that i didnt hear him come in, that i had been working and he just wasnt happy with how far id gotten. and i used to get really angry at myself for lying about it - obviously, if im lying to make it sound worse it must not have been that bad, im making a huge deal out of nothing, theres no reason for this to even be a thing that i tell anyone ever. but it was the opposite. i was on the floor, in the only place that i felt safe or like i had any modicum of control over, and someone who was supposed to care for me came in, towered over me, made me feel small and helpless, and then intentionally picked up a large heavy object and threw it across the room because he knew it would scare me. he wanted me to be very very aware at all times how big and strong and angry he was, and how helpless i was to stop him. "even in this safe quiet space that is yours i can break your stuff and hurt you, you are not really safe here at all, i am always in control"

but like!!! i was a kid!!! i didnt understand the concept of subtext! now, when i tell people that my dad threw stuff a lot when i was a kid, im usually talking to people who understand that throwing things is inherently threatening. it is a thing that abusive people do to scare you and let you know that they want to hurt you and they can hurt you if you make them. but when i was growing up this was very much not the case! if i told an adult my dad threw stuff their response would be "well you didnt get hurt so you're fine, nothing to complain about"

so i lied about it, because i was terrified of him and needed people to believe that he was terrifying.

i was reading a book recently - one of the big abuse books that everyone recommends, though i dont recall precisely which - and i got to a bit about incest and immediately felt so unbelievably guilty. i never accused anyone in my family of sexual abuse but i wanted to so badly, and i never understood why. i just felt like id been taken advantage of, like my body didnt belong to me, like i was tainted and ruined somehow, but no one had ever really done anything so i had no reason to feel that way.

and then i kept reading and the author specifically started drawing attention to specific behaviors - not illegal behaviors, not behaviors that get you barred from having custody of your kids, just... weird stuff. a parent drawing attention to their kids body, making sexual innuendos about them, commenting on their imagined sexual activity. stuff my dad did. "you'll probably be really good at sex someday, just make sure you dont end up a whore like your mom" "i miss when you were a little kid, now youre ready to start popping out babies" "people will say anything to make me look bad, i bet theyre spreading rumors about us sleeping together" "youre almost like a wife, theres just a few really important things you cant do"

it made me feel....... gross. and i didnt know why. i didnt understand it. i wanted very badly to not feel that way, but not as much as i wanted someone to understand that i felt that way.

i stopped showering regularly in middle school, when i moved back in with my dad, because i didnt want to be naked in the same house as him and my brothers (for related reasons) but i could never explain it to anyone. i spent a lot of time in the guidance counselors office being questioned about what the problem was and utterly unable to find the words, or really understand it myself. so it got chalked up to being lazy. and i just spent several years absolutely hating myself and not understanding why i felt the way that i did. i wanted to lie to explain it and could never quite get there. and then the other thing happened and gave me a plausible explanation so i ran with it, and have continued running with it for years now, despite the fact that the worst symptoms predate it by 3 years.

im not.... entirely certain why i wrote this out. i think its just been stuck in my head for a while now? and i wanted to say it. i wanted to be able to say "here is a real thing that happened to me and here is how i felt and feel about it and actually i dont care if you think my feelings arent proportional to the events, i need to be able to accept this as a thing that happened if im ever gonna get over it"

so fuck it.

[noforkingclue]

Ohh yeah I’m glad you like the name Dotty if you wanted to use it❤️❤️ I kinda came up with an idea I my head with that name. (This started cute and then got a bit darker agin but I couldn’t help it…)

When Dotty is little and even as she gets bigger her an her mom play a game called “poke a dot” where one of them will say poke-a-dot and whever is closest goes and “pokes”(lightly)/tickles Dotty while she tries to run away. and she loves it!! Like she will play it with all of her uncles and cousins etc, and when she was little she would just go up and tap (wack) someone on their knee scream “pok da” and then take off leaving them to chase after her😂 And as she grows up she stops doing it where she would run off but whenever she was sad or angry or pouting someone (usually her mom) would go up to her and lightly poke her stomach going “hey poka dot” until she starts laughing.

Maybe even on one of the rare days when reader is gone with the ladies for a girls night and Dotty is at home with her ”dad” they play the game. By this point tommy has lIke begrudgingly began to accept Dotty as something that makes reader happy and she is prett cute even if it’s the nagging idea of ”who’s” she really is. But it’s one of the first times reader has left Dotty home on a ladies weekend and not brought her along (b/c she’s still unsure of how Tommy will treat her). Dotty loves her “dad” as she’s a little kid and as far as shes concerned he loves her too he’s just a bit grumpy most of the time, especially around the dog.

But tonight Dotty just wants her mom and “daddy” isn’t mama, and that’s an issue. So even though the night goes ok with Tommy caring for her (or mostly letting the maids play with her) she still misses her mom when she goes to bed. And to top it off tonight there is a big story and Dotty is scared. Not if the storm because she usually loves to watch the lighting with her mom (safely from the house) but because her moms not here. Moms not in the house and what is she gets hurt by the storm. what if mama gets hurt and she stops letting dotty come up with names for the “surprise” she can’t tell daddy yet.

No, tonight mom isn’t home, it only dad and theres a storm and now it seems louder than normal and dotty can’t sleep and Oliver cant sleep even when they go hide in the closet because it’s so loud. Tommy also can’t sleep tonight either. Not just because of the storm but for the same reason dotty can’t sleep. He’s nervous something will happen to the reader and the he‘ll be alone. Well alone with Dorthy, but Tom doesn’t really know what he would do with her if you died. One one hand she’s a reminder of what he couldn’t have, but on the other she would be the last true thing he had of you. And the made her special in her own way even if it’s the same thing that made her ”undesired“ in a sense. If you died Tom’s not quite sure what he’d do with Dorthy. He didn’t know if he could let her go either.

But anyway Tommy in his nervousness decided to go check on Dorothy (which he always calls her) almost as if to check that you still had a reason to come back and that even while gone a part of you was still here. Or at least that’s what he told himself, he still is repulsed to admit he could love/ care for something “he” made, something “he” took from Tommy. But he goes and at first he panics when he sees she’s not in her bed because if she’s gone how could he guarantee you staying with him.

Eventually he finds her in the closet curled up into Oliver who as usual stares at Tom with a warning look each time he comes close to Dorothy. But now Tom knows is not the time for resentment, as he sees tears falling down the little girls face. He doesn’t want to see her cry and he’s almost surprised to realize it’s not just because of how mad you’d be at him if you heard that he didn’t comfort her. So for the first time possibly ever Tommy takes little Dorothy into his arms and tells her in a soft voice “hey poka dot, it’s gonna be ok” . As he is lightly poking her in the stomach and he pulls her into his chest letting her bury her face in his chest and scrunch her fingers into his shirt. And he sits in the floor of the nursery/bedroom he had no interest in helping make, while lightly poking and tickling the little piece of you that remained in the house that night whispering the same soft words that he similarly did to you when you had what Tom called “episodes” and let you anger out on him.

Because Tommy loved you as much as he resented “him” and even though you were gone tonight and Tommy never liked you away from his side, maybe tonight you weren’t complete gone. You had left a small piece of you (tainted as it was) for him to hold even in your absence, to wait until you return. You had left a small piece of you, a tiny speck for him to hold, a minuscule portion to remind him that you you’d always return. Tonight Tommy realized that you had left him a little tiny dot.

Anon, whoever you are, I love you.

This is so sweet but also so dark.

I can imagine you finally getting home, far later then expected. You try to be quiet but Tommy never sleeps well when you're away so you know he's awake. You hear him coming down the stairs and you take a deep breath in preparing for the oncoming punishment.

Instead Tommy just marches straight towards you, not saying a word. You open your mouth to defend yourself but Tommy just wraps an arm around your waist, pulls you towards him, and smashes his mouth against yours.

You let out a squeak of surprise and Tommy cups your cheek and brushes his thumb over your wet skin. When he finally breaks away he said quietly,

"I missed you. We both have."

And it's then that you know that Tommy has finally come to accept Dotty and you're terrified.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Doesn't Always Goes As Planned

Gif credit @bodybebangin.

Requested by anon. I hope you like it. Thanks for the request.

Taglist: @ackles-nhl.

Staring into the mirror, tears streamed down your face. They weren't sad tears or mad tears. They were nervous as hell tears. You're pregnant and you have to tell your father and the child's father. Gosh, you wish you were someone else right now cause this might not go well.

"Hey Jimmy"? You called to the cowboy, raking up horse poop.

"Huh"? He looked at you with his nose scrunched up.

"Where's Rip"?

"Stable. His horse isn't feeling to good".

"Thanks". You replied and headed off down to the horse stables. On the way there you went through ever scenario in your head. The good and the bad. You actually freaked yourself out more just thinking about what could possibly go wrong.

"Rip"? You stepped lightly at the door, trying not to startle his horse.

"What you doing down here"? Rip asked, brushing his horses hair.

"Jimmy, said you were down here. Everything okay"?

"Yeah, he just hurt his foot when we were out. Letting him rest up".

"Okay. That's good. Hope he feels better". You rambled off. Not getting to the real reason you were down there.

"You alright"? Rip, could feel the nervousness coming off of you and he was concerned. He liked you, a lot but you both said it was a one time thing. But you both didnt want that. Just never told each other on the count of John Dutton.

"Um, I'm fine". You say about to walk away. Feeling like aborting the situation and coming back when he wasn't busy but it was now or getting to worked up and not being able to tell him. "Actually, I need to tell you something that could and will change things. I'm pregnant".

Rips color faded as if he saw a ghost. His eyes were glossy like he could cry. Didn't know if it was happy or if his life was over.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything". You bit your quivering lip as you went to run off. This was a scene in your head but he was already angry and stormed off not just starring at you.

"Wait"! Rip ran after you, grabbing your hand. "It's mine"?

"Yeah. It just took that one time. Are you mad"? You asked wiping tears away.

"No. I'm more shocked on the idea that I can get someone pregnant". Rip nervously chuckled.

"I'm keeping it. But if you dont want to stay you don't have too".

"I didn't say that. Have you told anyone"?

"No, I just found out. Next is my father. So you better hide".

"Let me talk to him first okay. Man to man. Plus I don't want you to get hurt if he starts to throw down".

"Alright. Good luck".

Rip pulled you into a hug, hugging you tight. You leaned up and kissed his cheek before he headed off to the main house. John sat on the porch sipping his evening coffee.

"Sir"? Rip tipped his hat and sat down beside John in a rocking chair.

"Whatcha need Rip"?

Rip cleared his throat. "Y/Ns pregnant and I want to marry her. Not because she's pregnant because I love her. The right thing to do is make a honest woman out of her because I know that's what you wanted for her. I'm sorry that we screwed up. But I love her and I want to be in my child's life". Rip, didn't look at John. He looked out beyond the pasture.

John sighed, yes he was mad and disappointed. Yes, he wished that you would've gotten married before having a kid but not all his plans go as plan.

"You love her"?

"Yes, sir". Rip, turned his head to face John.

"You going to provide and protect my daughter and grandchild"?

"With everything I have. I'm going to make sure they're happy and taken care of. I won't disappoint you or Y/N".

"Then you have my blessing but know this". John turned in his seat. "You might be my right hand man but you are replaceable and theres a hole dug and ready for you if and when you screw up".

"Yes, sir". Rip, gulped and stood up, fixing his hat.

"Welcome to the family, son". John stood up with a smile and hugged Rip. Rip was taken back, he never seen this side of John before. He didn't know if he liked it or not.

"Thank you. I'm going to go ask Y/N". Rip took off running down to the stables where he left you.

He really needed to work on his cardio if he was going to be chasing his child down.

"You're still here"? Rip, spoke almost out of breath.

"Yeah, I didnt want to leave him since he's hurt". You say petting Rips horse. "So how did it go"?

"Great. He hugged me". Rip chuckled.

"Woah, that's odd for him unless you're his daughters. What happened".

"Nothing. I told him you were pregnant and then I asked him for his blessing in marrying you not because you're pregnant but because I love you".

Now you were the one shocked and completely in awe. "You wanna marry me"?

"Yes". Rip, smiled and took your hand in his. "Y/N Y/M/N Dutton, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife"?

Happy tears flowed down your cheeks. This was the happiest you've ever been since being with Rip and you couldn't wait to see what was in store. "Yes, I'll marry you. I love you so much". You jumped into his arms and wrapped yours around his neck.  Kissing his lips deeply. "I love you. I love you". You said in between kisses.

"I love you too. I dont have a ring". Rip chuckled.

"I don't care. I just want to be with you and to have a family with you. A ring doesn't matter". You hug him tightly and he starts carrying you up to the main house. You all had some celebrating to do.

[literaila]

this undeniable irritable space

spencer reid x reader 

this is part 2 to space, which is about a “clingy” reader and a spencer with a need for “space”

and you should probably read that first.. but um you dont have to i guess? if you dont want to? 

warnings: angst. lots of angst. spencers really angsty. really really. um.. theres a panic attack so if thats triggering please dont read please. its really rushed, and a lot longer than planned. so? sorry if it sucks. enjoy.

“I love her.” 

Insecurities were hard to shake. 

Y/N had always had that problem. The things that she despised about herself stuck to her skin like germs. Germs that crawled up her neck and into her mouth and under her skin until they were so far back, so deep inside that she couldn't reach them. 

She couldn't get Spencer's words out of her head. 

They had talked it out. Spencer reassured her that he loved touching her, that he wanted to feel her hand in his, any opportunity he got. They had decided that what had happened turned out to be a miracle in disguise because now neither of them were afraid. Touching was the way they loved each other, and there weren't any boundaries left. 

That didn't mean that Spencer's words just drifted off into the abyss. 

Now they seemed even more stuck to Y/N skin, implanted into her thoughts. Y/N knew that she shouldn't care about what he said, he had repeatedly shown her how much he loved touching her in the couple of days that had passed. He made sure to kiss her any opportunity he could, they were constantly cuddling, whether that be in bed while making dinner, on the couch watching a movie, in the shower. There were no limits to their constant clinginess. Both of them loved it, and they couldn't get enough. 

But that didn't mean that there wasn't any fear. 

Y/N worried that Spencer had just said all of that as to not hurt her feelings, that in reality he didn't like touching her, and he just wanted to make her happy because that's who he is, he never wanted to disappoint anyone, always wanted the best for the people he loved. 

It was one of the things Y/N loved most about him, one of the things that drew her to him in the first place, she could see how much he loved all his teammates just by the way he paid attention to them, by the way, he knew exactly how everyone liked their coffee, by the way, he always made sure to thank Garcia anytime she did anything to help, by the way, he always checked on Derek after a case, to make sure it hasn't affected him too badly. Spencer showed it by loving JJ and Henry constantly, he showed it by making sure Hotch wasn’t the last one in the office every night, by listening to Rossi and adding on when he thought it was appropriate. Spencer showed his constant love for everyone around him every day. It was what made him so approachable. 

But it also caused Y/N a lot of worries. 

She was worried he was so focused on making everyone- making her- happy that he wasn't giving himself the things he needed. She didn't want Spencer to let her cuddle him and kiss him and love him just to make her happy, she didn't want him to pretend to be comfortable even if he wasn't. 

So she watched him.

She hoped he didn't notice the way she watched him. 

She was constantly looking for a wince, a little second glance, an uncomfortable smile, an irritated look, anything that would prove that what she was doing was wrong. 

Apparently, her profiling skills aren't up to scratch though because she didn't see anything out of the ordinary. 

Though there was still a tiny part of her that couldn't believe it, just couldn't accept it, she had to keep searching, she wasn't going to miss anything like she did the last time. 

“Sometimes though- I just- I want some space”

***

Spencer wasn't oblivious. 

Obviously. 

He was a genius, and he was prone to remembering things. Which means he noticed when Y/N started watching him. He saw the way she was more cautious in touching him, the way she watched his face more, the way she closed her eyes every time he held her like she was afraid it would be the last time. 

He felt terrible. 

The things he had said should have never affected their relationship, they were never meant to affect their relationship. In all honesty, he had only said them as a way to vent, as a way to blame something about how stressed he was feeling. And Y/N should have never heard any of it. 

It was a ridiculous thing to say anyway as if Spencer could ever live without constantly feeling the warmth and reassurance in Y/N touch. 

She wasn't mad, she had made that much clear, but Spencer still couldn't help but worry that she was still upset about what he had said. He was still upset about it so how couldn’t she be? 

The hesitation, the crease in her brows when they were millimeters apart, the way she was trying to find the truth in his eyes every time she looked at him, it all made him feel a million times worse. 

But there was something about tonight. Tonight was making it worse. 

The team had decided to go out together, happy to have a break from dead bodies and insane people. It wasn't rare for them to go out, especially after a hard case, it was strange though that they’d had multiple days off in a row. When Emily had suggested going to one of the bars close to the office as a way to keep the streak going, no one had protested. They all seemed a bit happier. 

Of course, the night had been spent checking their phones constantly and talking about their jobs, but that also wasn't unusual. 

Spencer was having a difficult time though. Y/N and he had spent their days at the office going over paperwork and sneaking glances at each other from their desks and spent their nights cuddling and making out, laughing while making dinner and savoring as much time together as possible. In some weird way they seemed closer now, but even more afraid. Neither of them mentioned it though, both of them trying to avoid as much confrontation as possible. 

But what made Spencer's night difficult was touching. 

Derek, Penelope, and Y/N had all decided to make their way to the small makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room- after a few drinks of course- and while Y/N had dragged Spencer out too because there was no way she was going to let him just sit back and watch, he had eventually made his way back to the table where Emily, JJ, Hotch, and Rossi were sat content. 

But he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, the way she laughed at both Derek and Garcia, the way her eyes were lit up in happiness, the gentle sway of her hips as she danced to the beat... And the way her face was thrown back and glowing under the dimmed lights of the Bar. 

She was beautiful. 

There were lots of other eyes on her as well, both men and women staring directly at her, all of them never wanting to look away. It didn't seem like she noticed or she just didn't care, because usually, she wasn't prone to direct spotlight. Either way, she was the catch of the night. 

Spencer didn't care about the eyes on her, while he was known to get jealous from time to time, he didn't mind the eyes, they only proved that she was gorgeous, and all his. He knew that. 

What Spencer did mind though, was the touching. Both, Derek and Garcia, touching her, freely, her touching back, freely. It wasn't jealousy, Spencer was well aware that neither Derek nor Garcia had any interest in being with Y/N, and even if they did Spencer knew that Y/N was happy with him. It was the way she didn't mind touching them, and they didn't mind touching her. 

There was no hesitation in her eyes when she threw her arms around Derek's neck and swayed her hips with him. There wasn't any searching when she looked him in the eyes, just laughter, and joy. When Garcia wrapped her arms around Y/N waist and bopped her head with her, Y/N didn't make any move to check to see if Garcia's body language was off. 

She was so carefree with them, so happy, never scared. 

It only seemed to make Spencer feel worse. Because she wasn't carefree like that with him, she had to check to make sure he was comfortable with her wrapping her arms around him, she had to check his eyes for any hint of anything but happiness, she couldn't just touch him without checking first. And it was all his fault. 

He wished there was a way to take back his words, to simply erase them from existing. He wished she hadn't heard him, he wished that he could have said anything else. Because touching was her way of loving, and he knew that. He knew that she showed her passion and appreciation with her body, with her warm hands, and strong arms, with her legs that were never too far from his. He’d always known that she loved touching others. And the words that came out of his mouth, the stupid words he’d blurted out about space, they were untrue, they were just an attack on her and himself. And they had ruined the carefree way she loved him. 

He wished she wasn't afraid to show her love for him. 

Spencer sat back in his chair with a glare in his eyes and a frown on his face, angry at himself, but never angry at her. 

“Reid?!” Rossi said, louder than the first two times he had called his name and Spencer didn't seem to notice. 

Spencer looked over at the four of them his face not wavering from the angry expression he had. 

“Woah, Kid. You alright? With the look on your face, we might be profiling you as our next unsub.” 

Spencer could tell they were profiling him, and he could see Emily look behind him as if she knew something he didn't. “Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking did you know that around 1.7 million people visit the emergency room due to assault and-” 

It seemed that the only thing he could do was take his mind off of it. And annoy his coworkers. 

***

There was something off with Spencer. Y/N had noticed it yesterday, after leaving with Penelope to get lunch. She couldn't tell what was wrong, but he seemed to have a frown on his face more often than not. And she figured she could just be blowing it out of proportion, maybe she had just seen him smiling so much in the last couple of days she wasn't used to seeing him without a grin or a smirk or a genuine smile. 

Still, something seemed off. 

He was mostly fine at home, he never looked upset when they were doing something, but as soon as she left the room and came back the frown was there. It always disappeared quickly, but it still concerned her. 

She asked him about it before they had left for the bar, “Is something up baby?” she had said, but he just shook his head and turned around so she couldn't see his face. She tried to pretend that was a normal answer. 

Now usually they talked out their problems, usually, they didn't have any problems at all. But not having problems means you don't stay used to talking them out, and it seemed that both of them were out of practice. 

When they got to the bar, both of them were happy, hand in hand sitting down with their friends and enjoying yet another night off. The bar was warm and familiar to all of them, and they were all perfectly comfortable. 

As the night when on Spencer seemed more and more upset. He never said anything weird, never did anything unusual that tipped Y/N off. But that small frown was still on his face, and he seemed less and less inclined to join in the conversation with all of them. 

It wasn't really bad until Y/N had come back from dancing with Penelope and Derek, all of them sweaty and exhausted, ready to down another beer or two. Spencer had tried to smile at Y/N but knowing him as well as she did, it was clearly forced. And she could see the closed-off look in his eyes, almost as if he was looking right through her.

She patted his leg and offered him a hesitant smile, hoping her eyes were conveying the message she was trying to send to him. He only looked at her though, still wearing the same fake smile. 

Y/N wondered if something had happened while she was on the other side of the bar if someone had said something, or he had remembered something. But Spencer never said anything so neither did she. 

The rest of the team were smiling and laughing, and none of them seemed to notice Spencer's closed-off body language and the look in his eyes, and the small frown, so Y/N figured she was just making it up. Her insecurities were just getting the best of her and telling her there was something wrong. 

Like they always did. 

Though she did try to keep the touching to a limit, if Spencer was feeling off there was more of a chance he didn't want to be bothered or touched. The insecurity telling her he didn't want to be touched, only seemed to get louder, voicing its opinion, and making her sit her legs leaning away from him, her thoughts filled with not making him uncomfortable. 

***

As the night went on Spencer was the same, frowning, distant, and closed off, And as the night went on Y/N stayed the same, cautious, worried, insecure. 

Their moods seemed to compliment each other, almost as if one of them was upset the other one had to be as well. 

Both of them hoped everything would be fine when they got home. 

Clearly, the entire team was trying to keep in their yawns, trying to keep the conversation alive, but Garcia looked practically dead, and everyone was speaking in a whisper. 

The bar had cleared out, with only some young college kids still out at two in the morning. When Hotch pointed that out and then said that they all looked too old to be counted as a college kid- which Rossi took offense to making the rest of the team laugh- they decided to call it a night. 

Derek had to practically drag Garcia off of the table she was drooling on, and Y/N helped him get her in the car. JJ and Emily decided to share a cab home, both of them waving everyone goodbye before heading off. Rossi and Hotch both reassured that everyone would be alright before getting into their cars and going home. Derek kissed Y/N on the cheek and pretended to kiss Spencer before driving Garcia home. 

When it was just Spencer and Y/N, Y/N looked at him and asked “Are you going to drive, or am I?” Spencer, whose eyes looked even more tired than usual, smiled at her- for real this time which Y/N noted- and said, 

“Legally I don't think you’re allowed to drive.” 

Y/N yawned and handed him the keys, too tired to come up with a snarky response. 

They both got in the car, basking in the warmth the heater provided on a cold night. Y/N laid her head against the seat while Spencer put the car in drive, so they could head home. 

It wasn't long before Y/N fell asleep. Lulled by the quiet engine and dark night. 

Spencer fonded at her, listening to her soft breathing and smiling silently to himself. Sometimes, he thought, he wished it was just the two of them forever. It seemed that if he could just spend the rest of his life alone with her everything would be alright. Everything was always alright when he was alone with her. 

It was a short drive to their apartment, and while Spencer was hesitant to wake her, he knew that sleeping in the car wasn't good for avoiding exhaustion, and he wanted to know she was safe in bed with him. 

He carefully opened her door, running his thumb over her cheek, before gently picking her up bridal style, and feeling thankful they lived on the first floor of the apartment complex so he didn't have to carry her up the stairs. 

It was hard for him to keep his eyes off her sweet face as he walked to their door, but he didn't want to drop her so he managed to. He unlocked the door, surprised he could even do it with her in his arms. What he didn't notice was her eyes carefully opening and staring at him. 

“You’re so striking.” 

Spencer quickly looked down at her, his steps halted in their living room, shaking her only slightly, he was surprised by her words, he was surprised that she was even awake. 

He cleared his throat trying to not look so surprised, while she giggled at him. “T-thank you, I didn't realize you were awake, I wanted to let you sleep.” 

Y/N yawned, bringing her hand to her mouth, then looked back up at him smiling while he opened the door to their room, “I know” she said, keeping her eyes on his soft face. 

He gently laid her down in bed, gestured for her to stay there while he headed to their closet. Y/N thought about the way he was so gentle with her, and the way he didn't look as upset as earlier. 

Spencer brought her some pajamas and helped her change into them, having already changed into his, Y/N couldn't help but almost fall asleep while he did this, she knew that he would take care of her, and she felt so safe with him and so tired. 

Spencer smiled at her, kissed her forehead before moving around the bed to get to his side. 

“Spencer?” he heard softly from three feet away. 

“Yes?” he said only slightly louder than Y/N. 

There was a slight pause before she said “I missed you tonight.” in only a whisper. 

“I was with you Y/N…” Spencer felt her move closer to him, cuddling into him and resting her cheek on his arm as to use it as a pillow. He almost thought she was asleep before she made a quiet sound and shook her head, her breathing slowing down and her face blank. 

Watching her, Spencer knew that, even if he didn't want to, he needed to talk to her. 

***

The next morning, Y/N had slept amazing, and Spencer had only gotten a few hours. 

He couldn't stop thinking about what to say to Y/N without making her feel bad or making himself seem like the victim. 

For a genius, he was terrible at being in a relationship. 

When he wasn't thinking he was staring at Y/N cuddled upon his arm, her breaths constantly reminding him how much he needed and appreciated her. 

And when Y/N woke up she could tell there was still something off. There was a feeling in the room, a feeling she didn't like. The anxiety that was building up in her chest was causing her to panic, it felt like a rope was being tied over her lungs getting pulled tighter and tighter the longer the silence went on. Spencer wasn't in the room, his side of the bed wasn't made, and there was something wrong. 

This time Y/N knew there was something wrong, she could feel it when she breathed in trying to provide any relief to her chest. She could feel it when she stood up and felt her body sway, her eyes going blurry then black and when she had to sit back down. She could feel it again when she stood up without feeling lightheaded and felt goosebumps all over her skin. She felt it when she stepped out of their room, not finding Spencer in the bathroom, and saw him sitting down at the table. 

Everything was fine yesterday she thought, why was she freaking out, everything was fine yesterday they were smiling and laughing and they cuddled. Everything was fine yesterday she couldn't be freaking out today because everything was still fine. 

She couldn't get the air to her lungs. 

Spencer didn't notice her. 

She could feel the tears pricking in her eyes, reminding her how weak she was, reminding her of all the panic attacking her body. She could felt the rope get tighter. 

Her eyes got blurry as the tears she tried hard to keep in got bigger. 

She was standing in the middle of the room, freaking out, trying so hard to be quiet, trying so hard to not cry, trying so hard to just breathe. She just needed to breathe. If she could breathe she would be fine. 

And that was when Spencer noticed her. 

He figured she wouldn't be up for a couple more hours at least, while he knew he wasn't going to get much sleep, he knew that she would need a lot more than him. So he got up, he didn't want to wake her up with his relentless moving, and his restless thoughts. 

He thought she’d be asleep for a couple more hours. 

But his girlfriend was standing in the doorway of their room, her face frozen her eyes wide, her entire body looked like it was closing in on itself, and she was desperately holding on to the doorway like it was the only way to keep herself up. 

She looked terrified. 

He had no idea what had happened. 

Spencer got up, almost knocking the chair over with how quickly he moved, and going over to her, trying to take in everything that was in front of him. 

Y/N couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face, and as Spencer grabbed her face, she gasped trying to grab onto the air she knew was right in front of her face. It didn't work. She tried again, and again and again, she was breathing in and out with so much force Spencer could hear her voice catch every time. 

She was having a panic attack. 

She couldn't breathe. 

Y/N could see Spencer's lips moving, but the rope was pulling tighter and tighter and all she wanted was to breathe, she just wanted to feel the air in her lungs, she just wanted the rope to stop pulling, to stop pulling pulling her away and she just wanted to listen to Spencer, and she didn't know what was wrong with her but she couldn't 

breathe 

And everything was blurry, and she could feel the tears running down her face, and she felt like she was suffocating from the inside out and suddenly she was on the floor. 

Spencer helped her sit down, trying to talk to her, trying to figure out what was wrong, trying to understand.

He moved her head between her knees, needing her to stop hyperventilating, if he could get her breathing then he could figure out how to help her more. 

It broke his heart to see her so scared, to see her eyes look so terrified, to feel so helpless with no way to help. He watched the tears run down her face over and over, and he tried to wipe them away but it was pointless because she couldn't stop crying. 

She was still hyperventilating, still trying to breathe, still trying to listen, still still still

And then she was asleep. 

***

Y/N was fine when she woke up. Spencer had freaked out when she went unconscious, had checked her pulse over and over again looking for any sign that something was wrong. 

But within a minute her heart had slowed down and her body had stopped shaking. 

She was fine. 

When she woke up, her eyes were sore and everything seemed loud. 

Spencer explained to her that she had had a panic attack, he explained that she had fainted, but she was alright, you’re alright he assured her. 

“I think your body was building up stress, I think you needed some sort of release from all the stress, I’m not really sure but everything is normal now, do you feel alright? Is something wrong? Do we need to go to the hospital? I need you to tell me you’re alright-”

This went on for a while, and Y/N told Spencer she was okay over and over again until he finally stopped freaking out. 

They sat in silence for a while. 

It was silent until Spencer decided to speak up again. 

“Y/N... What happened?”

That was a loaded question. And it took her a minute to answer, Spencer watched as she stared at the wall before finally speaking. 

“I could feel something wrong when I woke up. And- and-” she paused and swallowed trying not to cry at the memory “You were gone, and I just could feel something wrong and so I started worrying- and… I’m not really sure what happened after that.” 

As soon as she was finished Spencer intervened. 

“I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep last night and I didn't want to wake you so I went to go think somewhere else. I’m sorry I wasn't there.” 

“No Spence, it's not your fault, just a lot of anxiety is all.” 

Spencer's eyes were on her face, his hands holding hers, trying to make her feel better, trying to make it all better. They both knew there was something wrong. 

“Anxiety about what?” He asked quietly, only a whisper, still looking right at her.

“I-” Y/N tried to think, tried to come up with a good way to explain, tried to come up with something that would help him understand. And eventually, she decided to just tell him the truth. “There's been something wrong, yesterday, I could tell there was something wrong, and when I woke up and I felt bad, I was worried, mostly about you and I just” she paused, finally looking at Spencer, “I think we need to talk.” 

Spencer swallowed hard, and nodded, looking down at the floor. They both just sat there for a minute, thinking, just thinking. Neither of them knew how to start but they both knew someone had to. 

Eventually, Spencer took the risk. “I don't think we talked enough last week… about what happened. I think we both just- decided? That everything was alright but I think we need to talk some more?” 

“Yeah- yes. We do.” 

Spencer got up off the bed, pulled her hand up gently and, moved her with him to the couch. He said he was going to make some tea, and get her some pain medication, and then they would finally talk. 

***

“I’m- I’m not really sure where to start.” Y/N said looking down at her coffee mug. 

Spencer sighed “I think I need to start with I’m sorry.” Y/N made a noise and started to talk but Spencer interrupted “No, really Y/N. What I said wasn't meant to hurt you, I never want to hurt you, but I did. And I’m sorry.” 

“Spence, it's not your fault, honestly I know I wasn't supposed to hear, and I know you didn't actually mean it, we talked about it last week-” 

“But that's the thing, if we had really talked about it last week like actually talked about it, you wouldn't be scared to touch me.” He looked at Y/N, almost as if he was daring her to disagree. 

Y/N was surprised, and she stammered out “I’m- I'm not scared to touch you!”. 

Spencer stared at her, his face blank and unmoving. Y/N started to get even more nervous and her hand came up to mess with her hair, a clear tell to her lying. 

“Well, not really scared,” Y/N looked down feeling guilty, “I- I just don't want to make you uncomfortable.” She said softly, making Spencer smile at her shy voice. 

“You don't make me uncomfortable Y/N.” He said, grabbing one of her hands, the other lifting her chin so she would look at him, he gave her a sad smile looking into her eyes. “I wish I had made that clear, you don't make me uncomfortable. You never ever have. What I said was a lie, that's all it was, a lie.” Y/N almost interrupted him but he moved his hand from her chin to her cheek causing her to go silent before continuing “If I could go back and take back those words, and tell myself how much of an idiot I was-” she almost interrupted him again before she put his hand jokingly on her mouth and stopped her once again “I am a genius, but I was an idiot. You’re my entire world, your hands provide me with more light than the sun ever could. And I promise, hey look at me” he said when she looked down flustered at his words, “I promise what I said was a lie.” 

He stopped to smile at her, finally feeling her relax under his hand. Spencer leaned in to slowly kiss her, to slowly show her that he meant what he was saying. 

When they broke apart Y/N felt breathless. 

“Spencer, it's not that I didn't believe you..” Y/N saw the look Spencer gave her and sighed “exactly.” she emphasized “I believed you, but I was worried that maybe you were just saying those things to make me feel better- hey” she said when Spencer tried to interrupt her. “You got to speak now it's my turn. I just I’ve never wanted to make you uncomfortable. And I was worried that you would be, if I- I don't know- like? Touched you too much? If that makes any sense..” she shook her head trying to come up with a better way to explain to him how she felt. 

And Spencer waited, holding her hands and waiting to hear exactly what she had to say. 

“I didn't want you to feel like you needed space again. And I know you say that you never actually needed space, but I just wanted to be sure. So I paid more attention and I was hesitant because I wanted to make sure you were actually okay with it- and why are you looking at me like that?!” 

Spencer smiled at her, leaning in to kiss her forehead, “You’re rambling sweetie.” he said softly, still looking at her like she was the world. 

Y/N felt trapped in his gaze, it was so strange to her that she could be crying and passing out and then completely fine a half an hour later all because of him. It was so strange that he had so much power over her emotions. It was so strange that he could look at her like that and make her feel as shiny and bright as the sun. 

It made her scared and so so excited, and she was lost for a moment.

They both stared at each other, almost like it was the first time in days. 

“Hey wait-” Y/N said suddenly knocked out of her lovesick gaze “What was wrong yesterday? You were acting strange, and that's why I was so worried in the first place.” 

Spencer sighed, and rubbed a hand over his eyes, he felt ridiculous just thinking of how he felt yesterday at the bar, but he was going, to be honest with her. 

“When you were dancing with Derek and Garcia, I just- I felt uh angry?” Spencer said, sounding embarrassed, and closing his eyes as to not see her reaction. 

“Were you jealous?” Y/N asked, and Spencer opened his eyes to see her brow furrowed and confused. 

“Not exactly, I just felt angry that you weren't scared to touch them... Like you never hesitated with them. And I just was wishing you were still like that with me, and there was a lot of anger directed at my stupid-” 

Y/N stopped him with a kiss, not wanting to hear anything else about the way he felt about himself. She thought it was crazy he was angry at himself for just feeling. 

“You shouldn't be angry, and you shouldn't feel bad. You’re allowed to feel uncomfortable- you’re allowed to just feel things, Spencer.” Y/N said in a small outburst. 

“I know. It's just ridiculous that I’d ever think I felt like that. And anyway, you believe me now right?” He asked looking right at Y/N making sure whatever she replied with was truthful.

“Yes, I know I’m the sun blah blah blah-” 

Spencer stopped her by throwing her back against the couch. 

Y/N squealed as he tickled her, straddling her so she wouldn't let go. 

“You are the sun, you’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen-” 

“Stop stop! That-” Y/N gasped “that tickles!” she said laughing, as Spencer continued to torture her. 

“That's kind of the point sweetheart” 

“Stop Spencer! Uncle! Uncle! I believe you- just-” she giggled squirming under him “stop!”.

They were both breathless and laughing by the time Spencer was finally done. 

Smiles were permanently stuck to their face as they looked at each other, as they finally felt like they were finished with their problem, as they finally talked. 

The way they solved their problems wasn't ideal, and they were going to have to practice and learn. But they loved each other, and that was enough to keep them both going. 

“Y/N you are the most beautiful thing ever. And now that I’ve known you, I don't think I could ever live without you. I hope to be stuck with you for the rest of my life.” 

Y/N smiled at Spencer's words, and she couldn't help but feel like she was on top of the world. 

“Well Spencer, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And I know I’m gonna be stuck with you for the rest of my life…” she stopped and smiled at him teasingly “unless of course, you need space..” 

Spencer stared at her shocked for a moment, before picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, as she squealed and laughed for what felt like the 10th time today. 

“What are you doing?!?” Y/N shrieked, mock hitting him on the back. 

“Oh don't worry my dear, I’m just going to show you how much space I really need..” 

A/N: 

I: am open for requests :) 

thank you for reading. i think you’re so beautiful. take care of yourself lovie.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

also here are more thoschei mcr thoughts:

-the master’s playlist is titled ‘you only hear the music when your heart begins to break’ from kids from yesterday which is on the doctors list but not on his. and im using it to reference like missy being so musical and the doctor telling her “you never learnt to hear the music”

and the doctor’s title is ‘mama we all go to hell’ from mama which is on the master’s list but not hers. and thats about her war general sort of sensibilities and how shes acting in a way she knows shes not supposed to but seems to, not be all that torn up about it? like mama shes going to hell mama shes going to die mama shes so full of lies. and mama obviously bc tecteun

bc then like, the title for each of them encapsulates a feeling that they know is there but are pointedly Not Looking At and the words to capture that feeling then come from a song on the other one’s playlist bc they will force each other to face what they cant by themselves. holding up mirrors.

-the only song they share is foundations of decay bc i think thats where they intersect. their feelings and struggles and narratives overlap in some places and completely dont in others but gallifreys ruins is where they meet.

but in the master’s playlist it’s the fifth song, basically the igniting incident if we’re using story structure terms. the first four are setting up the master’s general mindset after simm and after missy, and then foundations is coming to gallifrey and Finding Out.

for the doctor it’s the penultimate song bc for the doctor this song is about having accepted everything and then new change. standing in the ruins and deciding to keep going. get up coward. let it flood let it flood let it wash away. start over. i am not afraid to keep on living. i am not afraid to walk this (destroyed) world alone.

for the master this song is about the end. it’s apocalyptic. the rest of the playlist is him reacting to this complete destruction of everything he knows. it ends with dead because thats where this ends for him. thats where it always ends for him. dead and the doctor regenerated.

-for 13 the list doesnt basically start with the destruction. for 13 it starts with all she did in s11 bc thats where she started.

in bulletproof heart we’ve got what she offers up:

Gravity don't mean too much to me I'm who I've got to be These pigs are after me, after you

Run away like it was yesterday And we could run away, And we could run away, run away from here 

and what will come to the surface later:

Hold your heart into this darkness Will it ever be the light to shine you out Or fail and leave you stranded Or are you gonna be the one left standing? You're gonna be the one left standing You're gonna be the one left standing

then save yourself i’ll hold them back, the title basically says “get behind me now” and then theres more of the darker underlying stuff bubbling under the surface in s11:

I'll tell you all how the story ends Where the good guys die and the bad guys win (Who cares?) This ain't about all the friends you made But the graffiti they write on your grave

For all of us who've seen the light Salute the dead and lead the fight (Hail, hail!) Who gives a damn if we lose the war? Let the walls come down, let the engines roar

We can leave this world, leave it all behind We can steal this car if your folks don't mind We can live forever If you've got the time

I'm the only friend that makes you cry You're a heart attack in black hair dye So just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight

drowning lessons is about realising yaz’s feelings and deciding not to,,, Do That. helena is:

I have had a lot of self hate.  The most recent example was the song ‘Helena’. It’s a really angry open letter to myself.

so thats 13 being aware of purposefully keeping yaz and the others at arm’s length and not being happy with herself about it but also not really able to change anything. and it’s also, bc it’s about g and mikeys grandmother who died, it’s a reference to family, granny five, tecteun

then kids from yesterday is both about how 13 is letting these times she has with the fam slip through her fingers bc she cant connect with them. it’s nostalgia for something thats still happening, it’s mourning something you havent lost yet. but also it’s about tying it back to childhood. bc with helena we go to family and so here we get 13 there too, being young. you know?

helena and kids from yesterday together also signify the like slow unfolding of the timeless child stuff. slowly getting more information. and then getting All Of It but taking a little while to let it sink in.

all of this list from helena on is just this gradual rampening up of the RealisationsTM and the AngerTM. cemetery drive is about finding the master. thank you for the venom, destroya, and nanana are basically responses to tecteun - “morality is a strength”. venom is like ‘fuck you’, destroya is like “you, me, and the end of the universe? it's personal now”, and nanana is the side of that that the fam or yaz gets to see (we’re not really going entirely chronologically it’s more about vibes. the story makes sense though right this way? the emotional journey)

heaven help us is about the despair Hitting. about the “why did you do this” and “doesnt even matter now!” and “mostly...angry”. it’s that conversation with ryan in revolution. it’s i dont even know who i am. it’s:

And would you pray for me? (You don't know a thing about my sins) (How the misery begins) Or make a saint of me? (You don't know) (So I'm burning, I'm burning) And will you lay for me? (You don't know a thing about my sins) (How the misery begins) Or make a saint? (You don't know) ('Cause I'm burning, I'm burning)

burn bright is the reaction to that despair. it’s the ‘i can make an identity out of this’, the ‘this is what the doctor would do’. it’s “have you ever been limited by who you were before?”

it’s also about thoschei. the city, the fire. their origin, which was real. “so give me all youve got” both directed at the master like come on then punk and directed at everyone else bc she knows who she is bc who she is is the other side of him and thats still as true as ever. hes still foundational to her even if he doesnt believe that anymore.

foundations of decay then is about finding the same thing he did and choosing not to do what he would/wants. get up coward, dont give up dont give in dont lean into the destruction dont find comfort there like he does. change direction. and then famous last words is about that. changing direction and keeping on living

[sscoutregimentss]

I was gonna make a request based on your Eren x Gamer Reader post but then I saw you take poly requests... Erejean x Gamer Reader? (She/her pronouns btw ^_^)

sure thing anon! your brain is huge. i started a one shot which is now sitting in my drafts bc i literally dont know how to finish it. maybe i'll post it later but for now here you go headcanons woohoo

eren and jeans dynamic makes it look like its impossible for them to share a girlfriend but it actually? works surprisingly well?

arguing is kinda their love language in a very strange weird way. if theyre not fighting somethings wrong but their like constant bickering actually is rlly important to you three's relationship lmfaooo a lot of communicating is just eren and jean fighting and then you pick up on something they say and you three talk it out. plus its gets all their energy out at the end of the day... like when puppies run around in circles bc they didnt go on long enough walks

jean is the planner of the couple, always making sure you guys get tickets to see this that and whatever, always figures out how ur gonna get places and when everyone will be picked up, makes sure everyones schedules are free and that theres no big game release that you'll miss and eren doesnt have work and jean isnt volunteering

in terms of nerdiness jean is a decent middle ground between you (who says "ummm actually..." unironically) and eren (who thought dungeons and dragons was a kinky thing) because he lives with connie so he gets roped into playing stuff like rainbow six seige and watching battlestar galactica into late hours of the night. also he's an only child who was prone to boredom as a kid so he played video games like any other only child. that being said he has a more extroverted personality and aptitude for sports so he just never got as absorbed in it as you did

this kind of makes eren jealous tbh because he thinks jean has more to relate with you then him. but jealousy is like a natural feeling and despite his feigned reluctance jean is happy to share his knowledge with him.

plus eren realizes that what he lacks in video game and movie knowledge he makes up in anime bc jean is clueless on that front. once you went on this huge rant about how sailor moon would decimate goku in a fight and jean just goes "gokus the pirate with the fox spirit, right? hes trying to become number one pro hero right?"

speaking of eren eren and jean are on the same volleyball team (i hc they play volleyball bc theyre tall but i think theyd be cute on any sports team because im weak hearted) and you become their fave cheerleader <3 they look for you in the stands before each game and have their own little ritual for good luck. when he spots you jean jumps really high (despite the team captain, levi screams at him to save it for when the game starts) and makes a heart with his arms and blows you a kiss when he gets in the air and its so embarrassing so eren just dogpiles the embarassment but giving you an over exaggerated wink its the worst theyre gross

jean gets you into connie's discord server after you complain that people are really rude to you in online games and eren is quick to demand an invite too even though he literally plays nothing and has no idea how discord works. he will log in and ping you to show you a meme and even though connie's server is really chill with rules (like 10 ppl max, just some friends hanging out) he has always wanted to say "no memes in general" so he does it every time. you have to show eren how to use private messages once connie jokes abt eren being his discord kitten.

cuddle pile while watching movies... jean is a film buff so you three have movie nights rlly often. its usually you sandwiched in between them with jean behind you and eren in front of you so you can play with his hair. jean's movie taste is actually really broad and you and eren both find a ton of new favorites through him.

they both really like listening to you ramble. you can explain soooo much lore abt your fave series and theyre both really invested. eren is more invested in the characters while jean is more focused on what happens next, but theyre both listening rlly well and making sure you know they care. they kinda care in different ways though? while eren is just passionate and because he's so passionate he must know about all things you like, jean is either interested or just likes hearing your voice. of the two jean is more likely to give you short answers and he'll be more dozed off so he's good to go to when you just want to rant. eren is going to ask you more questions and get wayyy more confused so he's good to go to when you want to explain or flesh out your points.

jean finds eren's jealousy of fictional characters sooooo ridiculous. whenever eren is pouting about some new video game guy youre in love with jean is rolling his eyes because of course its eren jaeger he's just looking for things to get angry at. "what are they gonna do idiot, come out of the tv?" but then one day there's a character that looks a lot like eren and suddenly he understands everything. but he realizes you have a thing for guys with long hair. he'll keep the mullet around for a while

they both really like having you sat in their laps and (unbeknownst to you) in order to avoid conflict they created a system. cozy game? eren. reading? jean. watching anime? eren. watching something live action? jean. playing a game on your phone? eren. watching an analysis video for your favorite franchise? jean. just messing around on your computer? rock paper scissors, best of three. eren likes to hug you tight and rest his head on your shoulder while talking to you. when it gets quiet he'll nuzzle his face in your neck and give you small kisses there. while jean likes to put his hands under your shirt and rest it on your stomach while you two chat. he's puts his head on your head or throws it back depending on your height and kinda just likes letting his hands wander, like rubbing up and down your arms or tickling you lightly.

you: i hate this stupid game

eren: yeah babe that game fucking sucks (has never played it in his life)

jean: then stop playing it?

you and eren, at the same time: what? no.

all in all they are good boyfriends 10/10 would recommend.

[blxetsi]

do you write for zeke? if so could you please do some boyfriend!zeke (modern au) hcs? thanks🥺

tysm for requesting !!!

modern zeke jaeger dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

zeke jaeger x gn!reader

- biggest tease ever.

- i think you two wouldve started off as friends to lovers yk 😌✨

- v funny v teasing will make fun of you no matter what

- but its all lighthearted and you can genuinely tell hes joking and doesnt mean what he says

- hes a coffee person. all the way.

- almost always seen with a coffee in his hand

- after you keep stealing sips of whatever hes got he finally just caves in and will bring you your own drink whenever he sees you

- if you dont drink coffee, but prefer a sugary drink or something he'll tease you about it

- hes a very relaxed person and doesnt get jealous, hes not someone that will go balistic and get angry when you hug a friend he doesnt know or whatever

- also would be really cool with your exes if youre cool with them, like "oh yeah i remember you telling me abt them, congrats on your engagement btw" just a very civil man

- if he does have insecurities about your relationship he just kind of, wont say anything ???

- not that he doesnt want to he just doesnt know how to bring it up

- bae pls learn how to talk abt your feelings 😁👍

- anyways after a little bit youll notice somethings wrong, but he'll try and act "strong" bc thats what he thinks hes supposed to be for you

- baby no u can be vulnerable its okay 😐🤚

- he finally lets everything go and has a really long and progressive conversation with you about everything, and you guys work it all out !

- you assure him its okay to be honest and that hes always welcome to talk to you about how hes feeling and his heart just swells

- im also a firm believer in that zeke genuinely doesnt care what you look like, if he finds you cool he finds you cool, he dgaf

- poc ?? he loves you. plus sized ?? he loves you.

- if you even THINK of being like "lol im insecure" hes shutting it down and talking abt how beautiful he finds you

- hes also someone that likes to push you out of your comfort zone, but in baby steps ?? like hes not going to force you to do something when you say "zeke im genuinely not comfortable with this" but if youre very shy he'll try and help you kind of,, not be as shy (hopefully this makes sense 😁👍)

- also loves to cook with you.

- his favourite types of dates are just when you two go to each others' homes and just cook dinner together ?? maybe drink some wine while you chop vegetables and work together (if you drink obv, if you dont he wont drink either even if you say its okay)

- he thinks it makes the food taste better because "it was made with our love" yeah ok ig 🙄🙏

- his family is really cool !! his dads a doctor and his step moms a social worker, and theyre really nice people !! his younger brother is in college but after a while he grows to love you like a sibling

- his mom lives a couple hours away, so he only gets to see her during holidays, but shes a very kind woman who owns an art shop !

- hes a very family oriented man, and really likes that you like his family and vice versa, he thinks its really important that his s/o and family get along

- when hes with you he sees himself being with you for the long run, im talking marriage and kids (if thats what you want) but definitely marriage

- if you two had different friend groups i think it would be hard for either of you to kind of fit in with each others friends, but after a while you two get the hang of it and it gets easier to see them !!

- is the kind of guy who'll wake you up with kisses on your cheek 🤩

- also likes to spoon you or have your head on his chest. will NOT be the baby spoon no matter what.

- also the kind of guy who dramatically stretches and yawns in the morning

- likes it when you hold his hand, even if you guys are just sitting together on the couch watching something, its so simple and subtle but it makes him really happy

- if you have an office at home that you work in a lot, he'll come and check on you when it gets late. will just rub and pat your head and ask what youre working on, and ask if youll be done soon

- if youre stressing on something that needs to be done THAT NIGHT he understands and will just leave you to it

- when you come to bed late it wakes him up but hes glad it does bc then he can pull you into his arms 😌✨

- zeke has very warm hands, to the point where sometimes theyre sweaty and clammy, so when you have a stomach ache or cramps he has no problem just laying down behind you and rubbing your stomach where it hurts

- if you have a weird interest or hobby he wont discourage it as long as its not hurting you or anybody else, he'll try and get into it to but if he cant no harm done, he'll respect it and you

- i think he would have some acne scars on his cheeks from highschool (puberty am i right 🙄😤⁉️) and thats one of the reasons why he has a beard, just to make it hard to see

- its mostly bc hes cool though, and although he started growing it out BECAUSE he found the scarring weird, as hes gotten older he just doest care anymore

- if you think he looks hot clean shaven he'll do it for u, and he loves the compliments you give him

- zeke is the kind of guy that will flip through the tabloid magazines at checkout

- "babe did you know that jennifer lawrence has a dark secret ??" "i- i did not 😁"

- also the kind of guy that will laugh if he sees kids falling in public

- if he was a father he'd help his kid up obviously, but would do it while giggling the whole time

- has dad handwriting (u know what im talking about)

- everytime he calls his brother he answers with "hey asshole" ??? brotherly love 🙈✨

- is very into horror films, but ONLY good ones

- so like hereditary, midsommar, and black swan are some ones he loves

- the kind of guy that has captain crunch for breakfast every morning

- theres this guy at the law firm he works at that he has a "rivalry" of sorts with, his names levi and from what youve been told hes actually very intimidating ??

- loves to read and will read to you if you ask, would have you in between his legs with your back to his chest on the bed, and he'd have one hand in yours and the other holding whatever book you choose

- zeke needs to be in complete darkness to sleep but needs to have a room as bright as possible to be productive. so every morning after he stretches and gets out of bed hes immediately opening his curtains and letting light into the room because "its the only way he'll actually get ready"

- if he was ever to pop the question he'd do it alone at a very mundane time, just like "wow this is the moment" and ask you to marry him. doesnt matter if he has a ring or not, hes ready, and he realizes this, and he finds the beauty in just doing something so simple with you. hes content and happy, and you make him see life in things he hasnt before, and hes ready for the commitment that comes with marriage, and hes in love with you.

hope u all enjoyed 🤩🤩🤩 asks r open so request if ud like !!! okay love u all stay safe 🤩