#theres no funny way for me to respond in character. and i dont like breaking character

[nycswebhead]

Just wanted you to know that you are genuinely one of the funniest people on the god damn earth, like every time I read through your blog I laugh so hard I can’t breathe, you understand Spider-Man on a fundamental level

thats because i am him?

[a1li-ens]

hello if ur still. willnignto talkab slow damage i would lvoeee to knoe ur thoughts on the other love interests and also towa himself as a character ! :3

IM ALWAYS DOWN TO TALK ABOUT IT YIPPEE!! ⭐

adding a cut to this i have a lot of thoughts lol (💖・ω・) (includes spoilers)

👨‍⚕️taku: OK HE IS MIXED FOR ME i like him in routes other than his own LOL i think hes rly fun as like a semi normal acting guy in weirdo town. Its cute he cares a lot about the ppl at the clinic and i like the scenes where he hangs out and eats with towa and rei so much its cute they are a silly family 😭

i think hes really fun as a nice dad or at least big bro in towas life but that is why i dont like his route romantically its WEIRD THAT WAY LOL... bro u have known towa way too long for this.. please fall for some other dilf or something!! his bad end was too much for me and i have a strong stomach !!! (less so the bugs and more the meth slave thing .. get a better hobby sir!!)

but otherwise i like him! him doing meth warcrimes besides the bug related ones are interesting and the whole mansion part of his route was rly cool and fun to read!! also hes just funny i love that hes always responding to things like -_-????

i like the breaking bad pictures.

🍰Rei: I LOVE REI SO MUCH so cute 😭 his was my second fav route in general! hes so sweet and its so cute how much hes always thinking about everyone 😭 i also love how he has so many hobbies he has!! I didnt quite like his route as much from a plot/worldbuilding perspective as much as some of the others+the moneymatch stuff in general was kinda not as interesting just because i think its like. nothing super new or exciting i guess! but im a character writing person so that doesn't bother me lol!

I rly love his self love / acceptance journey.. i am emotional.. even if I visually hate his stupid tiny haircut!! i hope he can lean back into some of his not traditionally manly side after he is comfortable with gender stuff 🥺

I think as a romance route his was rly nice!!! it was cute and sweet and its sweet the ways they support eachother 🥺💖 towa feels very like affectionate in a cat way towards him its cute! I like them as bffs maybe more they are just too cute that way 😭 i want to b reis friend as well

his bad end is GOOD !! towa looks COOL i like the corset ribbons.. i want to see a full body CG what else has he done!! wasnt expecting rei to be the eye pussy one but ill take it .

🐈Madarame: OK.. first half of his route i rly hated him SORRY TO FANS but thinking back on it and playing more i dont hate him now LOL I feel like even after playing i don't know enough about him as i'd like! i want to know what this bitch does in his spare time other than towa lol ?? its cute that he likes cats and i liked him and the boys all eating pizza!! the towa infiltrating in the cute suit part was rly fun too! i wanted to see him talk to mayu and kotarou and stuff more he doesn't talk heaps in general tho hfjhfh

regarding them as boyfriends i am a sappy romance person so their type of affection isn't my normal preference but it suits them! I think that why it was kind of hard to get through the start besides me never rly liking the ⭐problematic guy⭐ route in VNs LOL! but im glad in both endings they are so happy but was a nice surprise! yeah boys u have fun!!

🐇 fujieda : FUJI... I WROTE A LOT IN THE LAST ASK trying to think of new info i didnt write there. I love that he is actually kind of an airhead LOL i feel like he would be rly worried when towa said he caught ligma...... him before he teams up with towa is funny too like how often is he hiding in that concrete pipe???? is he comfy?? i love him.

theres prob more i haven't said about him but ill leave it at his lovingly drawn bazongas for now.

🎨towa: I LOVE TOWA.... LIKE OK... my skrunkly.. initial impressions i love every manslut character by default and he is very nice to look at. his personality is so fun omg what a bitch!!! i love that for him.i am biased because its also my dayjob but him being a medical receptionist is so funny LMFAO he seems terrible at it go king give us nothing !! obviously his hobbies make him rly fun to read about, i rly like his art hes good at it!!

plot and everything else wise UOUGHhhhh he makes me emotional. i am having trouble articulating about him because of this KJHBJHB no matter the routes i love watching him open up his feelings a bit 😭 the way he actually cares about people close to him even though hes been trying to convince himself he doesn't need other ppl gets to me 😭 his vulnerable moments make me emo... him wanting to see fujis scars in the shower especially got to me 🥺😭

his backstory stuff is rly well done too i think his mental health is rly well done in general 😭 but its kinda refreshing its not all magically better either afterwards boys got a lot to work through!!! but i am so glad he can smile in fujis route.. .uuuuu😭😭😭

I rly like how hes upfront and shameless about being gay and a weirdo yeah king own it!!! him being snarky and cheeky all the time is cute too!! i have more to say but i need to work out how to write it. he is important 2 me💖

-----

quick thoughts on non datable character stuff:

Ikuina - I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH i like guys who are so horny they become useless. his euphoria scene is really great LOL i know they dont but it would be fun if he and towa could be friends afterwards. can someone hack the game give him a route .

asakura- HIS TASTES ASIDE i think he was actually really interesting and cool to read about!!!! the angel thing was dope.. towa getting the wings.. so COOL

the guy in reis chap 2 mizuno was it??? was that his brothers name??? anyway i wasnt that interested in him LOL not much to say here

Mayu - SLAY HIS ENDING IS SOOO FUNNY.. stan a guy with like 3-4 clear nendoroids i like him

kotarou- ending should have been in a cleaner bathroom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eiji- I LOVE EIJI HE IS SOOOO CUTE AND FUN

SORRY TO WRITE AN ESSAY THERE IS SO MUCH I DONT THINK IVE EVEN ADDRESSED HERE LMFAO GAME TOO GOOD!!

[weaponsdrawn]

HI i just remembered to respond to this FUCK ok so

I MASSIVELY AGREE with the binjpipe takes. i think ETS was good/iconic if only because it was so like. JARRING in a good way. but it was so lighting in a bottle tbh, and like u said it isnt rlly good horror. only rlly shocking if ur actually attached to cookie, which ppl are. cookie gets replaced by an AI tried to be ETS all over again, and it wasnt, and it kinda rlly showed, like you said, how they shine best with comedy. also I FULLY AGREE. fuck, im pretty sure its one of the reasons ive just grown tired of jackbox by now, both me and my gf (we met thru shared jackbox love), its bc every time binjpipe happened we were just like "THIS SHIT AGAIN?????" like it just made any sort of investment in it or hopes of cookie getting better just. feel so fucking moot. why bother getting invested if its just constantly going to get dragged back up. the "evil streaming service" joke is dead. its BEYOND dead. we havent even heard of the binjlady anymore. its lost any sort of omnious buildup. to me binjpipe's appeal was that it clearly wasnt going to last long. it was a nightmare that was just going to keep on ramping up until it crashed and burned horrendously, and fuck thats SO cool to consider and write about. but they keep dragging it out, and now its just sad. its boring. fucking. selling adult films?? give me a break.

ok about the party packs, HONESTLY SAME. like idk the writing is what really gets me about it tbh. i guess theyre good party games (tho i can get bored really fast, save for roomerang, and even so thats mostly bc of the goofyness of the responses), but YEAH youre so right. like idk if its because theyre ALSO doing the international translations but ithink it goes with the fact that the hosts severely lack character. when its like for some games, its ok if they dont have character (quixort), but its like that means theres A BALANCE. pack 8, ok? games like job job and weapons drawn, that CALLS for the hosts having character because its putting you in a situation WHERE the host is an active part of that situation. its like "wow im really in funny office" or "wow im really doing a murder!!!" right now, yknow? Push the Button, DODE was her own character and had noteworthy quips and she was a vital part of the games story/framing device! todd is iconic bc hes such a chill internet guy and then he sends you to hell! felicia is all morbidly romantic bc youre on a MONSTER DATING SHOW. a lot of the games stand out BECAUSE of the unique situations ur in that envoke unique prompts/unique gameplay, meanwhile something like fixytext? i dont know SHIT about the host. and its kind of a shame that the cannon jackbox lesbian host we have is SO FUCKING BORING GOD. most i can get is that shes introverted, but i gen cant tell if its genuine, if its some kind of "akward bacon unicorn moment! #millenial" type shit, what the fuck even really IS Fixytext at the end of the day. what makes it more than google docs shitposting simulator. its such a fucking shame, esp for the TENTH PACK. like god maybe they rlly do need to take a hiatus bc the change in. writing quality is. idk it just didnt help my dropping fixtation i'll say that.

also wait FR????? JESUS CHRIST thats actually a shame, i wanted to try and play that game!!! (namely bc funny objectum) and like. the ONE naughty pack exclusive host and we get NOTHING about her. i dont even like the fucking conch shell design im sorry. jackbox crew yall are great but how in this green unholy earth do you expect ppl to draw and remember your designs when your hosts are so. flat. fuck, mayonnaise, fucking M BUBZ, is more memorable than nickolas kranrker whatever and dr nanners and jerri, i cant tell you a SINGLE thing about jerri tbh. its such a shame. i want to love these guys i really do but theres nothing that endears them to me.

tbh if they end up not doing anything for ydkj it'll be funny in a kinda sad way tbh. on the one hand it'd BE nice on the other hand yeah its been nothing since full stream, eh. could they even do a YDKJ anymore? i remember once upon a time there was all this hype/discussion of a "ride 2" where the only real roadblock was that buzz's VA has well moved on from voice acting i think, but ppl had ideas for giving him a new voice, maybe even making it a transgender reason, all this stuff. this was like a couple of years back. but its like god i'd be shocked if they even remember guy exists at this point. or nate. hes sorta got a chance given his VA is literally a core part of the crew.

also i getcha. glad i could offer a space to let ya vent like that lawl

roomerang completely fucking fumbled with giving rue any sort of character we could've had a fun host we could've had that snark we could've had ANYTHING to match the sheer amount of swag in her design but we got BASICALLY NOTHING/very vague hints of character ("I'm beside myself... and I look good!" And "dramaaaa!!! :3") which is CRUMBS compared to even the most one note hosts like glargan o'toe or civic doodle's hosts and as petty as it sounds it's kinda the reason I fell out of love with current jackbox </3

.

[haikyuuthots]

Hi! I really enjoyed that TikTok hcs you just posted so I was wondering if I could request some for Ushijima, Suna, and Iwaizumi about that TikTok challenge where the boys are doing something (playing video games or studying) and the girl is trying to cuddle them? Plus some cuddling hcs if you don't mind. Thank you very much and I hope you have a good day!

Clinging onto your boyfriend while he’s distracted (Tik Tok challenge)

Characters: Wakatoshi Ushijima, Rintaro Suna and Hajime Iwaizumi

Scenario: your boyfriend is busy but you distract them by clinging on to their lap to see how he’d react.

A/n: hi thank u so much for requesting!!! 💙 these tik tok challenges have been my favorite to write haha. I hope you enjoy reading ❤️

————————————————————————

Wakatoshi Ushijima

You’re hanging out in your boyfriends room while he finishes studying for an upcoming exam

You’re scrolling on Tik Tok when you stumble on a video of a girl trying her best to get her distracted boyfriend’s attention

As you watch you slightly laugh, thinking this is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen

your attention is caught when you hear your boyfriend sneeze,

Looking over you smile to yourself and think you want to try what you just saw on the video, but with your own boyfriend who was indeed distracted right now

At first you’re reluctant to try, because you don’t want to bother him while he studies

But then you remember that Toshi is a big softie for you, so the worst that could happen is he just asks you to leave him alone lol

Putting your phone down you make it over to your boyfriends desk

You shyly stand beside him for a moment before he notices you

Turning around to look towards you, Ushijima gives you a soft smile, “hi love, is everything okay?”

You nod your head as Ushijima pulls you closer to him so you’re now standing in between his legs.

“Yes, Im just bored.” You reply

“Im almost done babe, give me like an hour. ”

As he turns around to start working again you begin to adjust yourself on his lap

A bit confused he lets out a small chuckle

You still say no words as you continue to wrap your body against his, nuzzling your face into his neck

Ushijima doesn’t say anything, instead he takes in your embrace and lightly begins to caress the top of your head

He lets you remain on his lap for a moment, but you're happy enough with his reaction and decide not to bother him any further

You try getting off his lap but as you do Ushijima’s hold on you tightens, preventing you from moving

“where are you going?” He asks you with the most loving expression

Your eyes soften at his gaze, “i don't want to distract you, so i'll just wait until you're done.”

With no warning Ushijima stands up, still holding you, he’s now carrying you towards his bed

“i can take a break.” He says as he gently begins to adjust your bodies on the bed

Now laying down you snuggle further into your boyfriends arms, whom happily reciprocates with a warm embrace

theres a brief silence while you two cuddle for a moment, until you break it

“im sorry I distracted you Toshi.”

“dont be. I missed you too.” He responds, kissing you softly on the forehead

You smile brightly at his response leaning forward to leave a small kiss on his lips

He gladly reciprocates, smiling into the kiss.

You guys spend the next two hours wrapped in each others warmth.

Rintaro Suna

You spent the whole day with your boyfriend Suna, running errands

Upon arriving home, Suna made his way over to his Playstation, quickly turning on the game

You subtly roll your eyes, not truly bothered because honestly at this point you were used to Suna playing his video games

You make your way over to the living room and start watching Tik Toks on your phone

You watch a video where the girlfriend sat on her boyfriends lap while he was gaming , and the reaction was very funny to you

After watching the video, you wondered how your boyfriend would react if you did the same thing

So you decided to try it out yourself

Walking back in the room you can hear your boyfriend talking to his friends through the mic,

You quickly make your way over to your boyfriend and begin to crawl into his lap

Suna is caught very off guard and begins to freak out because your body was in the way of the screen and he couldn’t see

“woah woah babe, hold up I cant see.”

You ignore him and chuckle to yourself continuing to wrap your body around his

Once you’re seated on his lap he doesn’t mind your presence at all.

He actually liked having you on him while he played

Every time he ended a match he looked towards you and kissed you softly on the lips

Although you were enjoying being in the arms of your boyfriend you were starting to get bored, and wanted to get off

So once again you shift to begin to stand up,

“wait. Stay.” Suna says, his gaze still on the tv

You let out a small laugh, “baby I’m bored, I’m gonna go watch a movie or something.”

Suna removes his gaze from the tv for a split second, only to look at you with soft eyes, “im almost done, this is the last match, I promise.”

You totally give in in his request and give him a small kiss on the cheek, as a form of saying you agree

After the game is over, Suna says his goodbyes and turns off the console

Looking over to you, still sitting in his lap, he can help but stare in awe

“im surprised you wanted to be with me while I gamed. You never do.”

“i love being with you Rin.” You chuckle out

Quickly his grip around you tightens and he leans in to give you a long kiss, you reciprocate right away

Pulling away he speaks again “”okay so lets go watch that movie you want to watch.”

Your face brightens with a smile and you quickly get up to get everything ready

Now you’re happily cuddled in your boyfriends arms, watching your favorite movie

Although you know he’s not paying much attention (you can tell by the fact he’s kissing you every 5 minutes lol) this is your favorite position to be in

Your legs tangled with eahother and your face briefly on the nape of his neck, you wouldn’t want it any other way

Hajime Iwaizumi

Iwaizumi was busy looking over some notes that were important for his next game

Any time he’d be occupied you never distracted him, you weren’t really a clingy girlfriend

So when you saw that there was a trend going around where the girlfriend clings on their boyfriend while he was busy

You thought it’d be amusing to see how your boyfriend would react

You look over to where your boyfriend is sitting and notice he’s peacefully flipping through pages

Walking over to his desk Iwaizumi immediately notices your presence

He looks back at you and begins to speak “hey angel do you ne-“

Before he can even finish his sentence he’s cut off by you crawling into his lap

He’s caught off guard at first, but instantly he wraps his arms around you to tighten your hold on him

You begin laughing as he begins prepping your face with small kisses

Pulling away he looks at you with soft eyes “what’s the matter angel, you missed me already?”

“yes” you say as you begin to nuzzle your face further into his neck.

“okay.” He says as he lightly takes you off “lets go hang out.”

“but what about your notes?”

“i could take a break.”

You smile at your boyfriend as he holds his hand out for you to take.

As soon as you do he instantly brings your body towards his to wrap you in a giant hug

You laugh at his sudden movements, but its evident in your face you’re really happy

Laying down on the bed he pulls your body to be on top of his and kisses you once again

Pulling away he talks “ you’re the prettiest girl I know.”

You blush at his words “oh shut up.” You jokingly say

“im serious,” he chuckles out “you are.”

You drop your body on his and continue to hold him while he tightens the embrace

You can hear the sound of his heart beat, and you can’t help but feel calm

“Iwa.” You whisper

“yeah?”

“im sorry I distracted you from your work, but can we stay like this for a while?”

He lovingly looks down at you. “don’t be sorry, I love being here, with you.”

You look up at him and gently kiss him on the lips as you wrap your body further into his

Wrapped in his arms you forgot this was a challenge altogether

But you were very grateful you tried it out,

Because you couldn’t have asked for a better reaction

[kaz11283]

Chapter 5

Characters: Clint, you, Loki

Warnings: this is a SLOW burn, slight angst, fluff at the end, Loki starting shit.

Summary: life has never really bwen this complicated. Or well the life that you think you know has never really been this complicated. Living with the avengers, learning new things, yeah its gonna be a long road but what else do you have to look forward to other than the random runins with the god of mischief.

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~

It had been about a week since you had arrived at the tower and just as long as your incounter with Loki, you hadnt had much time to think about it though since you were normally nose deep in class work or training with Nat and Clint since Tony had sent you the message "If your gonna be an avenger you have to train like one, training starts at 6." You had left him on read after that, you had never been a morning person and you sure as hell wasnt about to start now.

"Alright y/n, lets try you on the bow today." Clint smiled walking into the arena where most of your training took place.

"After I finish this." You said pointing to your coffee. "I swear, you would think that after saving lives you would want to sleep in." You grumbled.

"Bad guys dont sleep, we dont get to sleep." Clint said wiping down a few of his practice arrows.

"You didnt get back till like 3 this morning. Im really starting to wonder if you sleep at all." You tossed your cup away and got up starting to do your stretches.

"Get over here so I can show you how to hold this thing." He saod holding out the bow.

"I know how to use a bow, I was in archery in high school. Top of my team." You grabbed the bow feeling the cool metal in your hand. His bow was diffrent than what you was use to, as light as air almost were yours had been heavy.

"This bow is probably a little different than what your use to. The metal is vibranium, the strings are made of some type of industrial woven string that Tony invinted in his lab. Might be a littlw hard for you to pull back." He smiled looking at the bow like a child.

"It is very beautiful." You examined it looking down the sights has you pulled the string back easily. "Absolutly magnificent peice of weaponry." You looked over at him and seen that he was staring at you wide eyed. "What?"

"No one else has ever been able to draw the string back like that." You let the string gently go back into place amd handed it back to him.

"I told you, I was in archery while I was in high school."

"Theres no way that someone no matter how skilled they are can pull that back."

"Well if your forgetting, apperantly Im not from here either."

"Yup almost forgot, Asguardian. Anyways. You know how to use one of these so lets set up a few targets and get to work. Tony wants to try you out on a few different things, eval you, and see what suits you best. Im already leaning toward you being good at the bow."

After he talked you through some of the basics that you had informed him you knew and he insisted on stating that it was 'mandatory' you were finally able to pick up one of the training bows.

"These bows suck. Stark has all the money in the world and he buys walmart brand bows? If you pull this one back to many times the string will break. Why cant I just use yours?" You roll your eyes looking back at Clint.

"My bow, my baby. If you want ine bad enough you can start off at the bottom and work your way up. You have a card why dont you buy one?" He countered, just then the foor opened drawing your attention.

"Sorry, didnt realize that the area was occupied today, I just wanted to get a few throws in woth the new daggers Stark and Banner decided to enhance for me. Wanted to make sure that they wouldnt bloe up in my face." Loki said walking over to the bay next to you and Clint. You hadnt had a moment alone with the trickster since in the hall weeks ago and now he was here acting as of nothingbhad happened. You looked down at the daggers that he had laid out.

"Wow, those are beautiful." You noticed that not only had he laid down two simple green handeled knives but he had also laid down a set of electric blue ones and a set of gold handle ones engraved with ancient symbols and roses with the stems winding down the hilt. "May I?" You asked leaning down to get a closer look.

"Of course y/n, you are the one that gave me those." He answered casually. Your breathing hitched and you turned to look at him.

"Thats not funny Loki."

"I dont know what your talking about. I was simpl-" he started before you cut him off.

"You know damn good and well what I am talking about. What did you expect? Me to pick it up and everything come barreling back to me? Here I'll do you one even better." You stormed up to the daggers and grabbed one of the gold ones up throwing it at the target on the far side of the room. You had expected it to fall short and clink to the floor but you never hears it fall. When you looked at the target you noticed you had hit the middle.

Clints jaw had dropped as he was looking around the wall to see what you had been yelling about. Loki looked at you with a smug expression. "I assume they must have had knife throwing classes at the school you attended as well."

"Shut up. Clint are we done, I have some studying for class that I really need to do." You looked at clint as he knodded still awestruck. "Thanks, I'll talk with Tony about getting a better bow for me to practice with." You took off toward your room.

Later after you had taken a hot shower and changed into some leggings and a baggy shirt you decided to go to the one place in the tower that you had decided to claim as your own little study corner. It was located on of of the high up floors that happened to be more of an observation deck, you could watch the team leave on missions, see the ocean, and watch some of the most beautiful sun sets that you had seen. You had notice while checking the place out that there was a fairly large window seat that you could spead your work out on as you looked out over the city, this small part of the tower was your little hid away, you hadnt seen any other member of the team up here so you figured when you needed the alone time you could come here. It had seemed to work for the most part until today.

You notice the shadow of the figure standing over you before looking up into the eyes of Lokis confused ones, you had noticed his lips moving before rolling your eyes and taking out your noise canceling ear pods.

"What do you want Loki?" You sighed placing them back into the chsrging dock.

"Well if you hadnt had those things in you would have heard me tell you that I was sorry for earlier." He sassed crossing his arms.

"How did you find me? No one really bothers coming up here." You pulled your legs under your chin and covering you feet with the throw that you had brought up with you this time.

"The AI system has no bounderies when it comes to privacy, it can tell you were anyone is in this god forsaken place." He responded. "May I sit?"

"And if I say no?"

"I'll sit anyways." He shrugged.

"Then what is the point in asking?" You leaned forward moving your papers and books out of the way. He reached down and grabbed a few of the papers to help you.

"Your doing a paper on Shakespeare?" He asked as he sat down reading over the page.

"Umm, yeah. Part of my agreement to come here is so that I can finish up my collage classes. Drama and Art Major." He hamded the paper back to you so that you could stick it in your binder. He gave you a look that you were use to getting from him. "Don't say it Loki." You out your hand up to stop him before he could even open his mouth.

"I wasn't going to say anything." He held his hands up.

"Hum, interesting. The god of lies actually sucks at lying. I should remember that." You smiled. This was the first time you had actually felt half way confortable around him.

"I could never lie to you." He smiled back. "You have always had a knack for seeing right through me."

"I wish you wouldnt do that." You sighed leaning your heas agints the window behind you.

"Do what exactly?" He askes mirroring your position.

"Where you mention something about my past. Its annoying and it breaks my heart."

"Well Dove, how do you think I feel? The worst part about it for me is that while you remember nothing I am stuck remembering everything. Your past, my past, our past together. It truly is the worst pain that I have ever felt. To have something that you have wanted for so long in front of you and they dont even want you back." He sighed looking out the window.

"Loki," you crossed your legs and placed your elbows on your knees. "I have never said that I didnt want you. I just dont know what is what."

"So you do want me?" He laughted.

"That is not what I meant and you know it." You leanded back again. "Tell me about us. About how you and Thor know me." He eyes lite up.

Chapter 6

Tag list:

@high-functioning-lokipath

@serpentargo

@drbaureid

@poetic-fiasco

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@rosaline-black

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@natandersonnla

@delightfulheartdream

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[dumbdancemomssideblog]

S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world. 

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet 

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh] 

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :( 

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/ 

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged) 

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4: 

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call? 

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho.... 

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

[bijoulilou]

If Eva and Justin Duarte Lived pt 1

It happened it again, that strange rustling in the forest. I hold my gym bag closer to my side as Taryn goes on about our teachers and what I missed during the day. Thanks to lacrosse practice, I had to miss her rehearsal for drama club. That's usually how it goes. Dad is supposed to pick us up but he's so busy commissioning some pieces for a collector.

Taryn always frowns and gets embarrassed when we tell people what our dad does. Nerd is how many people describe him but mom tells us to ignore them. She does calligraphy and has organic toiletries that many uppety women from our town love to splurge on. She spend all day making batches and selling them. Aside from the usual clients we also get some characters that come in that my mother ushers in to the back of her shop.

"I wish Vivienne would take me to one of her parties." Taryn mumbles, breaking me out of my reverie. I ask what she means and she rolls her eyes and tugs on my braids. Her hair almost identical to mine except she always has it down and naturally highlighted by mom's many concoctions. Honey's tones in her chestnut hair while mine is held back in a braid, has more reddish tones from being in the sun. Her skin highlighted by makeup while mine is always bare except for sunscreen and the stuff mom makes on my lips. "Jude, how can you be so clueless? Vivi has been going into the woods behind our house. She said she might take us one day." She squeals with excitement.

Vivi wasn't like Taryn and I, she was different. Growing up people would make comments and point out her eyes and ears. It once brought a lot of attention and we had to leave where we lived once in the middle of the night. Taryn doesnt remember but I do, I remember Vivi's eyes glowing in the dark as we talked to man with funny face and animal feet, his eyes glowed just like hers. For sometime we were home schooled in this new house we were walking to, near the forest. It wasnt until Vivi put her foot down and begged our parents to let us go to regular school that we finally got to hang around with normal people. Normal. That word felt so strange on my tongue, I tried not to say much. Especially in front of Vivi. That's all she wanted-to be like us. For her eyes to be a dull brown instead of a fiery amber with rounded ears instead of pointed ones. Sometimes she would change her features, in the way she could to look like us, human. But I would still know. After a while I kept my eyes open for others like her, and after a while I started to notice them and saw that I was watching. I clutched the crude hawthorn necklace mom made us wear. And Taryn hissed for me to put it away. I didn't and she grumbled the whole way home. I saw movement in the trees, the same tall lean figure, as pale as moonlight and just as dangerous. I gripped my bag and pushed on forward with Taryn loudly complaining of my rush when a boy with red hair steps out, surprising the both of us. Taryn doesn't see it at first but I do, that same inhuman way of movement and the laziness to his features. The same thing happens to Vivi when shes around iron for too long, but it feels different. its as if he were to lazy to put on a good show. He's smiles and introduces himself.

"Hello, I'm a friend of your sister Vivienne. Do you know if she's in?"

We're just down the road from our house, I can see it right down the path, through the the thicket of trees. I shake my head and don't answer. Trying to move around him but he's too fast. Taryn makes a little noise at the back of her throat and I'm relieved shes behind me as I give the boy a dark look. I'm wary that my lacrosse stick is on my dominant side, and my hand twitches at the thought.

"Locke, let's go these humans don't know where she is. Let's go before I get bored."

The dark hair boy I had noticed before walks over and presses the red head's shoulder in annoyance. I notice their strange clothing and I feel Taryn start to respond back.

"What do you mean human? Aren't you human too?" She asks and I fight the urge to narrow my eyes at how naive she is.

The boys share a look and their figures shift again revealing what I suspected they were. Just like Vivi only not entirely human at all. They're both so beautiful that it hurts to look but theres also something so unnerving about them that stirs the same primal urge to bare my teeth and growl at them the same way I see a dog snarl at wolves. Necessary and hopeless at the same time.

The dark haired one lifts his a cheek into a lopsided smirk. "Obviously we share some similarities with your absent sister. Alas, I'm not surprised to see you haven't noticed. With humans being as dull as they are."

My jaw tightens and before I can play along and feign ignorance like Taryn the red head, Locke as he was called looks at me with deep interest.

"You noticed though didn't you." He tsks and gets closer to observe. "You must be the clever one. Perhaps that's why you've been so interesting to--" his eyes begin to shift to the dark haired one whose rolled his eyes back in annoyance but I notice his grip on his friend tighten.

"Let. Us. Go. I hate to repeat myself." Locke recoils away from us, he smiles in a way to seem nonchalant but its obvious that he is wary of his friend's bad mood.

Just as they are about to turn Taryn makes a small noise and we all turn. "Vivi is probably waiting for you in the woods. She always goes there right before dark. Something about a party."

My eyes widen and I try to convey to Taryn that these boys are probably dangerous and looking for our Vivienne for a very bad reason. But Locke looks pleased and looks his arm through my sisters in glee

"Ah, you're probably right. Why dont we go meet her there?"

"No!" I say a little too loudly, the dark haired boy looks surprised at my outburst and I quickly try to rearrange my features. "Maybe shes waiting for us at home. You know how she likes to get ready for these sort of things." I smile uneasily and try to reach for Taryn but Locke wiskes her out of my grasp, she is too enamoured by him to notice.

"Maybe we should all meet up later, let us get ready?" Taryn smiles, totally entranced by Locke while I'm silently dying to run into our house and lock up the doors. Locke shakes his head. "

You look good enough to eat as is. Why bother?" Locke chuckles and moves to push Taryn's hair behind her ear.

"At least let us put down our bags-" Taryn giggles and Locke looks amused.

"Nonsense, let us carry them." He takes Taryn's bag and I grip mine tighter. "Surely, even you Cardan have some honor to hold a gentleman's bag." Locke grins coyly, and the hairs on my arms rise up.

The dark haired boy, Cardan, hisses and reaches out for my bag. I shrink back but he takes it anyway with an outstretched hand. Taryn and Locke have already gone into the forest, their laughter going deeper into the woods. I look up at Cardan whose trying his hardest to look bemused instead of concerned for his friend.

"C'mon human, I won't bite...at first." His lips tilt into a real grin but it feels like a threat. "If you don't your sister is going to be left with the likes of him, in a dark forest with a bunch of others like him."

"Fine." I bite out and hand him my bag. I stare at my lacrosse stick longingly. "Let's go, Cardan." I say mockingly. As I turn to walk after them, he grabs me by the elbow and I almost think he's going to strike me. But he doesn't instead he loops his arm through my own and leads me after them. He awkwardly carries the bag and I actually stop to show him that it's better when the strap is across the body, he stiffens as my hands go around him to adjust it. Almost as if he's never been touched before. My eyes go up to his and I can almost feel the pulse beneath my fingers on his chest.

For the first time I smile, " Don't worry I won't bite...at first." And I put my elbow out so we can loop our arms together again.

"What do I call you?" He asks after taking my arm and leading me once again to where hopefully Taryn, Vivi and Locke are.

"Ah," I say with a hint of sarcasm in my voice I answer" most refer to me as their majesty the Queen."

His eyes narrow and I can tell he doesnt find it the least bit funny. Technically I'm not joking, I do have the Queen on my varsity hoodie for Lacrosse and soccer. My reputation is that good that I've already been scouted for several schools , but I can tell Cardan could care less.

"What do I call you, my Queen?" There is surprisingly a bit of humor in his voice. I can't help but laugh and he watches in awe almost. " You can call me Jude."

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[mothpile]

OK IM GOING TO TALK ABOUT SMOKEWEED AND THEIR CHARACTER ARC AND STORY AND SHIT. ERINS WISH THEY WERE ME WITH MY FANTASTIC STORY TELLING.

smokeweed starts off as a rogue named smoke, who was kicked out of their home by their mom when they were around the apprentice age bcoz that’s just the way rogues seem to work. Anyhow, Smoke ends up finding the clans. They quickly become fascinated by the fact all these cats seem to work together so well, a contrast to the cruel “only help yourself” world their mother taught them.

One of their days of observing in thunderclan actually gets them caught by a patrol, where they are then brough back to the base to be questioned. A bit of talking happens here, and the clan offers to let Smoke join them as they seem curious and r also like. just an Apprentice this is a Three Year Old theyre not gonna kick them out and stuff. So Smoke becomes Smokepaw. Smoke views this as an example of how nice the clans are, and feel genuinely accepted among their ranks. 

Over the span of their months of training though, Smokepaw’s perfect view upon the clans begins to .... shatter. horribly. It begins a bit with their confusion over why the clans seem to want to guard their borders so much. Smokepaw thought that they all worked together, no? But the explanation for this they get is that “Everyone has an equal amount of land to hunt in, and it’s important to make sure no one tries to... break that boundary. If others start coming into our territory to hunt our stuff, we won’t have enough food for ourselves!” which to Smokepaw...makes enough sense to them. at the time. 

It’s when Smokepaw gets to go to their first Gathering, a real moment to interact with other clans. They immediately start getting friendly with other clan apprentices, specifically one from Shadowclan named Patchpaw. (Patchpaw is ... curious about Smokepaw’s friendliness, which gets her to think maybe Smokepaw’s trying to use her for information about her clan, but... quickly realizes Smokepaw is just being nice). Anyhow, smokepaw ends up leaving the gathering believing they have properly made friends with alll the other apprentices. 

They’re quickly taught this is not the case when they bring it up once to another thunderclan apprentice. The apprentice tells smokepaw that “no, you’re not really friends with them. you can never be! what if we go to battle against their clan? would you fight them then? how would you remain loyal to us if you think your enemies you’re supposed to be attacking are your friends?” . This sends Smokepaw into their first big dilemma spiral. They cant understand why the clans would fight each other. They cant understand what’s why having friends outside of their clan would be such a big deal. So, for the first time, Smokepaw finds themself questioning the way the clans are running everything.

It’s during a hunt they were on near the shadowclan border when smokepaw runs into Patchpaw again. They talk, and Smokepaw ends up asking if they really are friends. Patchpaw is caught a bit off guard by this, but. well. when she hesitantly says “i... dont know? im pretty sure youre not supposed to be that with other clans” . which gets smokepaw to ask Why. patchpaw gives the same answer (well. what if our clans Fight eachother). smokepaw asks Why would that happen. patchpaw goes . um. well. over prey i guess? and smokepaw asks again Why. why would there have to be bloodshed over that. there’s enough prey for everyone, isnt there? patchpaw replies “i mean. sometimes theres not? so maybe cats would go try and steal from other clans for food.” and smokepaw asks “wait but wouldnt it make sense to all work together at a time like that? why would you compete at a serious crisis like that. wouldn’t it be more logical to get everyone to work together to make sure every cat who needs food Gets it rather than fight over scraps??” and. This Is The First Time Patchpaw ends up questioning the code. Unsure of how to respond, Patchpaw finds herself Agreeing with what smokepaw has just said. The two agree to meet up again sometime, and , well, friendship. and gay rights. but we’ll get there a bit later i think

Time goes on, Smokepaw ends up nearing the day they become a full on warrior, but time and time again the clans have proved themselves to be dumb as all shit. Their enthusiasm and energy has drained away, leaving them tired and bitter. They still meet up with Patchpaw and stuff. At this point smokepaw rlly does love her. One day, while smokepaw’s hanging around other fellow thunderclan apprentices, one of them asks if smokepaw Likes anyone. yknow. just fun Banter. smokepaw, who doesnt Know at this point you’re not supposed to like cats from other clans that way, lets it slip that they like 1 of the apprentices in shadowclan. this. Does not go well. really it’s just home of phobia at its finest. Obviously the apprentices snitch to the higher ups, and Smokepaw receives a whole lecture about the ‘Importance of the warrior code’ and how ‘yeah you’re not a Real clan cat so of course you cant understand how IMPORTANT the code is’. this is something told to them by the LEADER. a scolding from the Big Boss. and this ends up bein the Final Straw for smokepaw. they fucking go ham and SNAP. yknow how ive gone off about the Issues w/ warrior cats? yeah they do That basically. 

So they have their mini-revolution moment, dragging out all of the clans faults in the form of speech. Obviously other cats end up hearing their rant, and are all...unsure about what to do about this. Smokepaw ends their rant by now rejecting the name the clan has given them, and swears that the clans will all tear themselves apart by their own claws. or smthing like that. smthing over the top and Dramatic along the lines of ‘ouroboros eating itself” and whatnot. 

Smoke quits the clan and runs away. Before leaving the territories though, they do try to find patchpaw. at this point, patchpaw has been promoted to patchpelt. Smoke tells patchpelt about everything that has happened, and how theyre leaving. They ask if patchpelt wants to run away with them. Patchpelt is too conflicted to answer this, and ends up saying she cant leave behind her life like that. Smoke is obviously a bit.... saddened. Devastated if you will by this. But they understand, and leave patchpelt behind.

Patchpelt, who was a warrior, quickly finds herself getting tired by the clans bs. She tries to switch her path to become a medicine cat to fix the problem, hoping now she wont have to tag along with the whole “fighting eachother over nothing” shit, but it doesnt work. She..... regrets not running away with smoke. practically everyday. 

Smoke, while away, goes on a series of journeys and what have you. to TL;DR it, they end up meeting Midnight and become a bit of an apprentice to her and learn. a LOT. smoke Super Woke now. They also find a kit/apprentince along their journey, a 3 legged bastard of a gremlin cat named Three, who they end up taking care of. There is also another kid Smoke adopts named Rattail, who. as her name implies, has a... rat tail. Rattail is a bit scarred all over so they have a lotta bare patches of skin and what have you. Somewhere down the line, smoke decides to name themself Smokeweed out of a funni ‘haha. like Weed the drug’ and in a bit of a spite move against the clans.

Some More Time down the road, Smokeweed actually comes back to the clans to see what’s going on. It happens to be they’ve stopped by at a time all the clans are at each others throats. They have a reuinting moment with Patchpelt, who now is like “oh god please for the love of god get me out of here” . so they run off together for Realizies now. 

This lil family ends up settlin down at the Church place in that. Tigerheart Superedition book. personally i like thts a Nice Place and think it’s a fitting and sweet end to let the 4 all get to.. settle down. be happy and safe away from the clans and all their bs. they just Vibe..... and life is good for them. thats the End. <3

[pigstepmp3-moved]

the writers really did buck dirty in s01e02

its the post you’ve all been waiting for—my Aggravated Analysis Of Everything That Makes Me Mad about the Therapy Scene tm, now featuring some things that show just how emotionally and mentally fucked buck is. now, i know we All hate that scene with all of our hearts (buck deserves to have a Good experience w therapy for once, but thats just my opinion), but i wanna go into detail about what exactly makes me SEETHE about that scene, complete w gifs and screenshots so i can better explain myself. im putting it all under the cut bc its kind of A Lot, so click that “read more” if you wanna read my angry complaining

alright, lets set the scene (i know we’re all aware of the situation behind this scene, but i think its important to remind you all of it). season one episode two. bucks still very much a Huge horn dog. buck has also very recently suffered his First loss on the job and its taking a huge toll on him. i think what’s most important to talk about before we get to the therapy scene itself is the scene where abby’s watching him on the news with carla.

(not the greatest quality, but that doesnt matter). he very clearly looks uncomfortable just talking about what happened in such a Casual, No Pressure setting. he says, “i was just doing my job. i’m happy we were able to help the people we helped and i’m really sorry about those we couldn’t save.” he stutters a few times as he says it, looks and sounds very uneasy, which seems very out of character for him. he’s usually super confident and chill, but as he’s asked to talk about this (most likely) traumatic thing, he kinda clams up, yknow? theres also something in his voice that reminds me very heavily of the way My voice sounds when Im trying to force back tears, but that might just be The Way He Talks

another thing that he says that really stands out to me (i dont know if this is necessarily important to the topic at hand, but i wanna talk about it so whatever) is, “. . . um, i’m sure they’re just turned on by the uniform. you know, i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” ignoring the more sexual connotations to what he’s saying there, let’s talk about what he most likely meant by that particular statement. he still sounds a little nervous as he says it and kind of avoids the reporters eyes. it sounds to me like this is a rare moment of buck’s insecurities being let loose. “i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” this implies, i think, some insecurities about like.. every part of himself. it almost seems like, in this moment, he thinks his only redeeming quality is the uniform. which might actually be what he’s thinking right then, ‘cause he’s still trying to figure out how to cope with his first loss. i think theres some part of him, somewhere behind that overly confident persona, that has a lot more insecurities than he shows, but thats a conversation for another day.

now, let’s move on a little from that. what i think is very important and notable about that scene is some of the things abby says after watching buck on the news. first thing she says that stands out to me is, “i’ve been thinking i might want to call him to see how he is.” she’s worried about him. i think she’s probably been worried about him since the first time he was on the news, earlier that episode. and for good reasons, i think, because later on, she says, “. . . he needs help, you know? i mean, he’s got so much pain in his face. everybody’s treating him like a hero. he doesn’t feel like a hero. as far as he’s concerned, the guy that he was trying to save fell.” like, wow, just tear my heart out and stomp on it a bunch, why dont you? its such a wonderful and apt summary of what buck’s going through. to put it rather simply, he’s fucking distraught, and for good reasons. plus, that quote is one of the Big things that influenced my headcanon of buck having depression, and i could probably analyze every single scene bucks in in this episode that have added onto that head canon of mind bc there are at least a couple different things i could blather on about, but that’s some analysis for another post (if you’re interested in me talking about that tho, definitely feel free to let me know)

now, let’s move on a little further to the Dreaded Scene (i’d totally go into the scene that immediately follows the last one i talked about, where buck and abby are speaking on the phone, but i think i’ve emphasized my point of buck going through some shit in this episode to the point where that isn’t strictly necessary). for the rest of this post, i’m gonna kind of analyze every single little thing that buck does and says in the therapy scene bc pretty much all of it contributes to my burning hatred of that therapist.

like, yeah, no SHIT, honey!! as far as we, the audience, are concerned, this is the First time he’s EVER been to therapy. in my own personal experiences, my first time going to therapy was SO uncomfortable. and just looking at buck right here makes me feel uncomfortable, too—he’s fidgeting with his hands, looks to the side, looks down, looks up at her for a moment before looking away again. this boy looks nervous as hell, and for good reasons. he confirms that he is in fact uncomfortable, and then the therapist says, “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” remember that, because i’m not gonna go into the importance of that quote just yet.

the next thing buck says is, “uh, yeah, i’m, uh, i’m not really into feelings.” he kind of avoids looking at the therapist as he says this, though not as much as he did in that last gif. but his voice is like... uncharacteristically quiet as he says it.

more!! avoidance!! he keeps averting his eyes, looking anywhere that ISNT his therapist. and at the end of what he says here, he clenches his jaw a little. a nervous tick, maybe? i don’t know. as he talks here, though, his voice is, yet again, very quiet. he sounds just about broken right here, and it makes my heart ache so bad for him

after a brief break to check out what athena and michael are talking about, his therapist says, "i treat a lot of first responders—people who run toward danger—but maybe there's something you're running from as well? what is it about discussing your feelings that scares you?" the answer buck gives her? a very defensive, “i’m not scared.” if youre not scared, then why are you avoiding talking about your damn feelings like the fucking black plague? and when i say that he says it defensively, i mean, like, way too defensive to Not be suspicious

we don’t get to hear anymore about that particular question because next, we’re checking up on athena and michael again, and then we’re talking about something else. the therapist says, "you lost somebody. that's hard."

as he says this, he sounds fucking SAD. he sounds completely and utterly BROKEN. throughout this whole clip, he sounds entirely broken. the therapist asks if this was his first time. he responds with, "i mean, i've had calls where it was... too late, but, uh, but i've only been doing this not even six months. now, i... i just can't shake the feeling that this one didn't need to go down the way that it did." again, he sounds like he’s hurting really badly. this loss is really taking a huge toll on him and that is Very clear. she then asks him if he thinks there was something he could have differently. he doesnt respond, just looks up at her like this:

his eyes are a little red, and it looks like there are some tears in his eyes. like wow, you could murder me and it would hurt less than seeing buck like this

now, the next snippet is about where everything Starts Going To Shit (this is also the part where i start sobbing like a dumb baby, but thats neither here nor there). 

you see that shit right there?? if you listen hard enough, you can hear my heart breaking into a million pieces. from this point on, buck is CRYING. honest to god fucking CRYING. he looks like he’s hurting so badly, especially at the end of that gif, when he furrows his eyebrows. it looks kind of like he’s trying to keep himself from straight up Sobbing. i’m sure it seems almost like i’m dwelling on this for a little longer than necessary, but i think emphasizing how emotional he is in this part is very important to understand just how much the end of this scene makes me fucking SEETHE. this next little bit is where i start to transition from Sadness to absolute Rage

you see that? this is the start of my slow deterioration into madness. up until this point, everything about this therapy session was completely and entirely professional. but home girl decides, hey, yknow whats a good idea? waltzing my happy ass across the room, sitting down directly in front of my PATIENT, and resting my hand on said PATIENT’s arm. i dunno about you guys, but this seems terrible on so many levels that it isnt funny.

now, yknow what happens next? some classic avoidance from our boy. she calls him mr buckley, so he says, "it's, um... it's actually just buck." (after VERY AUDIBLY SNIFFLING by the way, but i digress). he then deflects even FURTHER by asking her if she friended him on facebook. 

“i thought you looked familiar,” he says. he’s no longer actively crying at this point, but there are most certainly still some tears in his eyes.

now, do you know what happens next, after a brief break to check up on athena and michael? the worst thing that could happen happens! i know it, you know it, little miss unprofessional sleeps with buck! and yknow what she says Immediately afterwards? “i can’t believe i just did that. i am so sorry.” like.... no! saying “sorry” doesnt change the fact that you TOOK ADVANTAGE of someone who is CLEARLY not in the right frame of mind to consent to something like that. yknow what he was doing the last time we saw him? crying. bc hes in a very vulnerable place in this episode. and yeah, sure, i guess you could make the argument that he was seducing her a little, but that doesnt change the fact that this is fucked up. now, side note about me, i’m only in high school and i’ve never had any job before, so i dont quite know the ins and outs of the professional world. but i do know a thing or two about common sense, so its pretty easy for me to assume that shit like this is awful on like a million different levels. i think the power imbalance is super clear to anyone who has any number of brain cells.

now, buck being as emotionally stunted as he is, says that she made him feel better (probably just for a few minutes, but thats neither here nor there). and yknow what she says? “you should go.” remember that quote from earlier? the one that i said was important and that i was going to go into later? “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” yknow what buck Didnt do? deal with those feelings. he talked about his feelings for maybe ten minutes, and that’s assuming that, during the cuts to athena and michael, the session was continuing and that it wasnt a matter of like, oh, this stuff is happening At The Same Time.

and all that is just During the session. we dont ever see the aftermath of it, we dont ever see buck talking about that session or anything along those lines. and we most certainly dont see him trying to go talk to a different therapist. the rest of what im going to be talking about this post is purely speculation, but i think its highly probable that this could all be canon. like i just mentioned, as far as we know, buck hasnt gone to another therapist after that shit show. additionally, we can also assume that buck really hasnt talked to like....... anyone about the shit he’s gone through, both past shit and shit that was brought up from this first loss of his. so as far as we’re concerned, he’s never properly worked through it all. he’s also probably never gotten any proper coping mechanisms to deal with any further losses. it seems a little too morbid to think that bucks just gotten used to the feeling that comes with losing someone, so i think its pretty safe to assume that, after every single loss he suffers, he gets like..... super fucked up, purely because he never talked about (a), the reason why hes scared to talk about feelings, or (b), how to deal with said feelings, especially when they’re bad. and thats not fair to him!! that loss clearly took a huge toll on buck, Most of the description of that episode is talking about the roller coaster and bucks feelings, but he never got to heal from it. if buck doesnt get something akin to a redemption arc, where he gets to see a therapist to properly work through all of his issues, i’m going to riot

anyway. thats all i have to say on the matter. i’ve been working on this for most of the day because i have so many thoughts and feelings about the way buck was treated during this episode. i will die mad about it. but i think i’ve said pretty much all i have to say on the topic now, so i hope my frustrated rambling was interesting or whatever to read. so, thanks for reading! ♥

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary��� splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[loosinmynoodles]

A fake redhead with a heart of gold finds love with a negging alaskan lumberjack despite being engaged already

A Frosrty Affair 

I clicked on this because I loved a Holiday Engagement and wanted to ride that high. This summary sounds like a romance novel, like any of them, yes that one. So far its cute and very self-aware of how it looks going into it. 

Girl (fake redhead who’s a pro-bono school teacher) has been snowed into her house and literally throws her suitcases through the opening and slides out. Her tromping in the snow even has funny timing. 

She just throws contents of suitcase into the snow like the’yre nothing- I love small budget movie details. 

Man zooms in on snow-mobile to save her (Im guessing) from otherwise lame man plans she had before. She’s trying to get out of this Alaska(?) town to see her fiancé (he’s lame). 

Snow-mobile man is rude. 

Snow-mobile man is not responding to her obvious predicament. 

She throws a candle at him as he snow-mobiles away and it works lol she states that she doesn’t have a week shes getting MARRIED (uh hello?) she can’t wait a week for the runway to be cleared. 

He can’t take her with him he doesn’t need the extra baggage (what?!) 

She is stranded with bags at a snowed in trailer. 

We cut to her father being stressed planning her wedding- sister doesn’t know who Jesus is- aaaaaaand we get a full shot of the fiance and he’s slimyyyyy and awkward- fiance tells people she’s uhhhhhhh gonna be a little late :/

We get a cut to snow-mobile guy calling someone and he’s gonna just like, snow-mobile for 3 days to get to location. 

Girl tells SNG (snow-mobile guy) shes gonna follow him on her newly bought snowmobile and he can’t stop her then he like, shows her his gun? I’ve never seen such serious negging in my life. And he’s barely said a word! So powerful. She calls him strong man and says she doesn’t scare easy (she gets scared easy). He is not Strong Man (SM) and she is spunky red head who is morally correct (SRWMC). 

Pausing in Amazon video shows actors names and character names and his characters name is apparently Redford which is way better than SM or SNG. Just Redford. No last name. 

So they’re trecking and he moves a log out of her way. She goes the wrong way anyway. He does a dramatic jump and waits for her to turn around once she gets there. I feel shes too spunky to turn away now. I’m right. 

She crashes and he starts doing CPR but she wakes up during and she beats him off. He told her I SAVED YOUR LIFE lmao he didn’t do anything. 

HE keeps calling her Lady. 

She says PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take me to snowy pines. 

He FROWNILY agrees as long as she doesnt talk!!!! 

Cut to slimy telling dad not to worry- she’ll be here in 3 days! Dad tells sister “Don’t. Just don’t”. 

She puts a whole bottle of lighter fluid into the fire place to try to make a fire and she BLOWS UP and he runs in, PICKS her up over his shoulder, runs 5 feet and plops her into the snow to PUT OUT A FIRE THATS ON HER ARM!!

He explains fire to her but its ok here because she honestly doesn’t know. 

OH MY GOD!!!! his is the best movie ever!!!! 

the owner of this cabin shows up, kicks the girl out, and corners redford to try to kiss him all within 12 seconds uggggghhhhh!!!!! also the best line I’ve ever heard was said but I dont want to spoil it. 

She needs his help getting out of his jumpsuit (her bags were left with the sexual predator) but right before she pees, a BEAR COMES, redford tackles her and says to play dead. (this is wrong don’t do this with brown bears) and the bear roars and then walks away but not before breaking their snow-mobile. 

They come to a frozen lake and she stands up for herself my stating shes an independent person who can decide to go over the unsafe frozen lake if she wants to. he says theres no going back if we decide to do this. it becomes a metaphor for human relationships I think. 

He goes to tell her personal facts (just to shut her up) but they fall into the ice water AHHHHHHHHH whoda thunk?

So they BOTH fall in but he carries her out of the lake????? I hope she starts a fire to redeem herself for earlier. 

omg I’m right. 

shes ok from the freezing lake water but hes not ok. Fire is MADE!! 

cut to sister and slimy doing the worst porn intro i can imagine but it doesnt happen because he bucks and head butts her nose and she screams hahah and runs away. 

cut back to out awesome fire and we are all ok! 

we have to strip down and dry our clothes unfortunately no matter how much i DONT wanna see your boobs I guess i have to. he negs by saying she might actually be a small B cup and not a large B cup like he suspected but she stands up for herself! shes a full B ok!? 

lmao hes ripped and he sneaks a peak. everyone (me) is happy. 

They’re quoting authors at each other because they’re BOTH SMART oK. 

They’re (IM) falling in love. 

They’re out of the woods! they are they’re at a mill or something. 

ok so they steal this guys food and a tractor and hes locked out of his cabin in his underwear! 

their tractor then runs out of fuel

a motel only has one room open and its the romance room which is a kids ben with foam snow bricks and a disco ball. 

She snoops in his things and finds a picture of a woman and a kid ohhhhh i think she thinks hes married so she storms off. 

shes tells Brad all the exciting things shes done adn hes just happy shes safe and says nothing will ever happen to you again then kisses her on the forehead lmaooo

her mom sees shes not into it

lmaooooo her mom recognizes Redford as an author. BIIIIIICTH hes an author!!!! 

She wants a quick detour to redfords house oN HER WAY TO THE CHURCH and Jodie is his MOM Biiiccttthhhhhhh!!!!!

Redford DOES have a daughter but apparently its with a British woman who cheated and is raising the daughter with another man!!!! 

Shes fuckinggggggg at the altar shes apologizing a loooooottttt and left him at the altar.   The sister cozies up to him right there omfgggggg the dad is fine with it!! mom knew it would happen but didnt say shiiiittt!!! !  

Biiiitch he SNOW MOBILES up to the church!! she smacks him!!!!! they kiss!!!!! they snow mobile away!!!!! 

crying!!!! what did i just watchhhhhh!!?? 

[badboyburger]

VENT TIME!

Skip this if you dont want to be exposed to mentally ill thoughts. I'm approaching the end of my rope.

-

Is anyone reading this? Am I alone? I want to be alone and at the same time I dont. I wouldnt be posting this if I didnt want people to read it. Lets start at the top.

My self worth is nonexistent, which is the root for most of my other problems. I dont know when this happened. Maybe its always been this way, from the first time I was bullied back in elementary school, to Luca leaving me behind. I havent had a friend like her ever since she turned her back on me. Hold on, I need a drink for this.

My love for her was purely platonic, and still, sometimes I think it was the most amount of love I ever felt for someone. I feel horrible about it. I have a boyfriend, you know. We've been together for over two years, and I love him so so much. But still. Theres a void in me that his presence cant fill. Maybe I need closure, or maybe I just need my best friend back. I dont know how I'll ever get over it. Its been three years already. It cant be like this forever.

Maybe that also ties back to my selfworth. I always try to please everyone. I fight toxicity with kindness, or at least I try to. I try to befriend everyone I meet. Everyone has to love me. Love me. Aishite. I am so eager to please. I beg of you: do not do anything for me, I do not deserve it. I am here to serve, I exist merely as a side character, tell me what you need and I will provide. This is not a kink, its what my brain tells me I need to do in order for people to like me. I will make you breakfast, and I will help you get into bed when youre too drunk to even talk. I will cuddle you through your nightmares and bring you aspirin on the next day. Do not ever do anything for me, I beg you, because the guilt will consume and devour me whole. I will only speak when spoken to. I am in a discord call witt my friends, and I only open my mouth for banter and jokes, or to respond to a question. Dont start talking. You know you are annoying. Its what youve been told all your life. Its not fucking fair. Its not my fault! It was never my fault! I just wanted to be liked, just wanted to fit in. I never asked for this! I never asked to be weird and annoying! It is my nature and I cant help it. I cant. Is it an illness? Or is it simply me?

I play medic for hours. I want to play different classes too, but they need me. Its the one thing Im good at. One of the best, even. Im top of the leaderboard almost every session. "Good job Gewitter." "We need revives!" "Medics, res nades at 20 seconds!" Im a good soldier. I do what I must, and I do it well. Im terrified that I'll stop being useful one day. Every session that I'm not on top of my game makes me sink deeper into my hellscape of a brain. I belittle myself, I hurt myself, I break down and get drunk and almost pass out on top of my keyboard during debriefs. I feel so hopeless. I'll never achieve more than this, and so I keep going.

I'm so anxious about people liking me. They need to like me. Its hard to talk. My voice is my achilles heel. I talk, and people call me "she", and a part of me dies. Why did I get born like this. Why me? Not just my voice is wrong, but my words too. Everything that leaves my mouth needs to be perfect. If its not well received then I think about it for months or years. It keeps me up at night. Love me. Please love me. Arent I doing well? Arent I saying what Im supposed to? Some people laughed at my joke. I gain sympathy. Let me explain how my brain works:

When I meet new people, I assume that they hate me. Every. single. one. I need to prove my worth. If I say something good, something that gains laughs or furthers a conversation, then their opinion of me rises. But it doesnt stay that way, it degrades over time, so I have to keep being funny and witty and oh god please tell me Im saying the correct things to you. If I say something bad? something cringy or boring or even neutral? Im done for. It will not leave my mind for weeks, and after that, it will circle in my memory until the end of time. Thats just my life. I remember so many things that I just want to purge from my brain forever. Others perception of me is back to zero, or maybe lower. Who knows. But I'll probably get drunk or high to escape at least temporarily. God those thoughts. They never leave.

My go-to drug is Speed. Its amazing, nothing in this world makes me feel so good. Im always low energy, perpetually tired, doing my best to stay motivated and focused. It almost never works. Speed makes me feel alive! Like I can achieve anything! Suddenly Im awake, I can think, I can do chores and complete tasks and take walks and make art! Speed makes me feel like a human being. Without it, Im just a zombie. And no, its not the absence of the drug that causes it. Ive felt this way a looong time ago already, before ever touching any kind of drug. The only downside is that I cant control what Im doing. I have the energy and motivation, but it just goes where it wants to. Im fine with that though. A few months ago I took some and spent 5 hours drawing without moving an inch, it was ecstatic. I had a long break from speed after that because I ran out, but we ordered more, and I took some today. I took a nice, long walk around the neighbourhood in the dark. I've never felt so invincible. It was incredible.

I can feel my brain shutting down right now. The dose was high, and my body is slowly coming down (~7 hours after taking it). Im also finishing up a bottle of Salitos because I couldnt handle writing about Luca while sober. But I digress.

Ive talked about my shitty self worth. About my anxiety. About my drug problem. So lets move on to the topic its all connected to: depression.

Let me be clear here: In all my years of feeling like a worthless piece of shit, self harming and drinking the pain away, fantisizing about killing myself and almost doing it a couple of times, I never got diagnosed. But you really dont need to be a genius to figure it out. I used to feel bad about self diagnosing, but at this point I just couldnt give less of a shit. Im depressed, I need help, and Im not getting any because Im too scared to speak out. Do you know that I thought about sending this post to my online friends? They dont know about any of this. Elec knows a fraction because I got drunk and told him a little about it, but the rest are clueless. Should I shatter their perception of me forever? Let them read about my deepest insecurities, make them feel my self-hate and fear? It wouldnt be fair. No one should have to bear this knowledge. You dont want to hear that your friend is thinking about ending it all in a goddamn tumblr post.

But I want to cry for help in some way. I need help, and I need it fast. I cant do this on my own. Its only been getting worse, and this has been going on for months. Im alienating myself from friends and family, Im even pushing away my boyfriend. Im tired all the time. I dont want to do anything at all. Do you know how scary this is? Laying in bed all day, not doing anything, and not feeling bad about it? Or rather being completely numb. I havent felt things in so long. I just want to feel again. This is another reason I love speed. It makes me feel things. Nothing else does that.

Was wär ich ohne drugs, was wär ich ohne drogen, wär ich endlich stark, oder wär ich tot? Ive been listening to a lot of Tj_babybrain. It speaks to me. I hear the music and scream the lyrics out into my empty apartment.

I started self harming when I was 13. It was a way to punish myself for being me. I got clean. One year ago, I started again, for the exact same reason. The last time I did it was december. I love the view of blood flowing from my body. It makes me feel like Ive finally done something right. If I punish myself, then I will be forgiven. Im sorry for saying that cringy thing. Im sorry for being weird. Im sorry for not attending the meeting when I promised I would. But dont worry, Im going to take care of it. You dont need to be mad at me, Im already mad at myself. Look, can you see? Im bleeding for you. Its a gift. Please, dont be mad at me. Please love me.

Im very tired. The alcohol is taking effect. Im a lightweight, literally and figuratively. I also dont eat a lot.

Oh yeah, thats another thing I do. Food is not a basic need. Dont get me wrong, everyone else deserves to eat no matter what, its just me who doesnt. I need to earn my food. Sometimes I wont eat properly for days to punish myself for not being productive. I once ate nothing at all for over 24 hours, then drank alcohol and almost blacked out while on call with my friends. I just hung up and went to bed.

I just shivered violently. Theres still a chill running up and down my body. Is it the speed? The alcohol? The lack of food? Who knows. The only thing I know is that I want to go to bed. Maybe Ill feel better tomorrow. Thats a joke, I wont. Theres less than a week between me and my first exam. Will I fail? Will I succeed? Theres still so much to do. I didnt do anything today. Nothing at all.

Im going to finish my drink, and then I'll head to bed. I'm so tired. I just want this to be over. I dont want to die, I just want to lay in my bed until the end of time. Is that too much to ask?

[crystalelemental]

“archer3-13: could dheginsea have done something else though. Non intervention is his prevailing flaw, the game spells that out, but the situation involving his kids more so falls on almedha making a mistake and ashnard being a dick. Outside of open warfare or sending more dragons to be captured and abused, your options at that point would be either negotiation [wich isnt happening with ashnard and is implied to be the reason rajaion offered himself up to ashnard in the first place] or trying to get a secondary power involved, which could be constrained as picking sides and possibly inciting war which dheginsea is commited to not doing. Theres also potentially kidnapping but that leaves open the question of who you get to do it and if they could even do it and the fallout of getting caught.

Additionally you could argue that time is a secondary factor in this, dragons consider even 4 or so years to be a relatively brief time [like a days worth given ena and nasirs reactions to ikes dont be a stranger] which if we stagger that out over however old soren is is like... the feeling of 3 days worth of time for a dragon. speculation on my part but it is possibly something to consider.

Like this isnt a dheginsea did nothing wrong sort of thing, a major aspect of his and lehrans characters are old sins coming back to bite them in the ass, but getting upset at him over ameldha and rajaon feels like splitting hairs over something thats not particularly his fault and only tangently related to his isolation policies.  Especially since tibarn already has a better drag for him about something thats a direct result of his isolation policies

Tibarn: I never would have believed that one day I'd be facing off against you. Life sure is funny, sometimes. Dheginsea: Even you, Tibarn? Don't make me kill you. You haven't got a chance. Tibarn: Don't be so sure about that. You just might be surprised. Besides, you've got a lot to answer for, Dheginsea. You'll finally pay the price for all those years of inaction and indifference as your kin were butchered and enslaved. Dheginsea: You shortsighted fool, you still don't understand... All right, I'm waiting. Show me what you've got.”

Yes.  He could have. While negotiation may not have worked, it was an option to try.  While all-out warfare isn’t something dragons want to get directly involved in, that’s still a choice.  If he’s that worried about it, endorsing the other nations’ retaliation against Daein would’ve been a start.  But at the top of this long list of possibilities, had they ended Daein’s threat outright, the rest of the continent wouldn’t have been drawn into war either.  The medallion’s pretty specific about the scope of war needed to unleash Yune, and one nation’s battle wouldn’t be enough.  As someone with the most immediate knowledge of what was happening, had he acted and put them down sooner, things could have resolved even faster.  Not to mention if we draw this back further, had the dragons stepped in to intervene in the history of laguz oppression, Daein might not even be the way it is in the first place.  This can get granular, but yes, person with the most ancient authority on the planet, you did in fact have options and influence enough to avert this disaster.  You can argue the skewed perspective of time thing, but skewed perception of time doesn’t skew your judgment, and when you have a whole squad just go missing and presumed dead, reasonable judgment’s gonna tell you this is something you should at least start preparing to address.  Not to mention, while a personal nitpick, I can’t stand that idea of just “perception of time is skewed” as a reason for years-long inaction.  There’s no sense of scale that would make an entire year’s worth of events seem like nothing happened.

I mean, I have mentioned that the major problem is his isolationist policies being the major issue, several times yesterday.  The children thing comes from three points:

1) It’s honestly the best narrative showing of the intensity of his policy.  A foreign leader remaining neutral in a situation where other similar nations are under threat but they aren’t?  That’s easy to do.  But this was his own kids.  Kinda hits closer to home.  Yet he still didn’t move.  That’s why the kids thing sticks so hard.  Because if you’re not even going to break that policy to do the right thing for your own children, you weren’t gonna move for anything at all.

2) The Heroes paralogue wanted to focus on him being sad about the loss of his kids, which, given everything, is still totally his fault, and therefore the paralogue’s story just wasn’t working in the way it intended.

3) This whole discussion started on a post where I expressed that this whole kids thing would be a sticking point for Ninian.  It was meant to be specific to how she would respond to him, if she knew about his history and actions, not my own stance on “this is the worst thing Dheginsea ever did.”  Pretty sure tacitly endorsing genocide and slavery of other laguz through perpetual inaction wins that contest.