#theres like so much empty space!!
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his ass is not at work
#sims 4#ts4#simblr#sims gameplay#hi im trying out reshade presets#also im waiting for more cas columns to update and went into cas to fix some clothes and jesus i forgot how painful having two columns is#theres like so much empty space!!#whose idea was that
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spitballing pining amangela + disaster amanda thoughts for my own perusal later:
When it comes to pining amangela unfortunately my brain is so enamoured with the concept of the rpf au Amanda who is SO down bad and is Not Making Good Decisions About It. I think the more composed/well adjusted/well reasoned Amanda is about things normally/is about other things happening the better it is for her to be a goddamn wreck about this. Like she can be deeply, wildly, hilariously in denial for a while, realize, and then handle the realization terribly. And it can be a trainwreck the whole time!
She can be HORRIFICALLY undercommunicating! She can be straight up lying! She can be lying poorly! Avoiding Angela! Avoiding people who would ask her about it! Fumbling other shit because she's trying to regain equilibrium. Doubling down in the worst ways possible: going on bad dates, avoiding conversations more after being called out, lying and then double lying, etc.
(I'm just a sucker for the trope of "character who normally has their shit together becomes a complete and total disaster about their feelings regarding a specific person".)
And like disaster Angela is fun- DUAL disaster Amangela is fun- but for me there's an extra layer of satisfaction of an Angela who also has a Lot of feelings about Amanda but is actually more at peace with/better at handling her emotions about it in comparison. Love a development to a relationship that unveils/highlights extra depths to both individuals, and I think the sort of fandom assigned roles of "responsible one/chaos gremlin" are VERY fun to flip in this scenario.
Like specifically the dynamic being "Amanda, normally competent and put together, absolutely putting her foot in her mouth during a regular convo with Angela/avoiding Angela blatantly and badly bc she JUST realized her feelings and is Not Fine About It, vs Angela who spilled her coffee in her car on the way over and is late for work, but has generally accepted she loves Amanda being very ????? about whatever weird gymnastics Amanda is doing."
(This also opens up for either angst OR comedy). (Or both!! ideally both. if i write it, it will probably be both, because i wont be able to resist.)
(Or, if the feelings are unrequited... even more opportunities open up.. ALL angst for sure, then. But more opps.....)
#smosh rpf#amangela#the more i brainstorm about this the more clear it becomes that the empty space fic was very much a version of this lmfao#theres an interesting line to straddle with making amanda a disaster for this rpf dynamic where i do want it to feel. in character.#and true to life bc i think it carries the most weight/entertainment that way. but this IS RPF so like.#being in character is not. the end all be all lmfao. technically this is all out of character.#but for this specific dynamic to work i want their regular dynamic to still be super clear so that the inversion. Hits™. much to think abou#smosh hcs#my fic#(in theory)#amangela angst au#pining amanda#theres a nonzero chance that i just write multiple versions of this dynamic/scenario bc my brain is soo stuck on it#if i get around to writing that is#amanda lehan canto#angela giarratana#disaster amanda
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The main room in your teapot looks soo good, lowkey inspiring me to redo mine (i litteraly just threw down furniture in a way that kinda made sense, didn't really know what to do with just a big square room)
ohh thank for thinking so jabcjk tbh they only look nice for pics bc the rooms and islands outside are just way too big for that little we can place without hitting limit
jacskjscbk i want smaller spaces or being able to place more 😩
#its the reason why i started to cut the other rooms in half with fake walls so it doesnt look stupid#i like to clutter spaces for more lived in look instead of too much empty space so it just sucks theres sm space/limit#reply#own
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apartment update: still no pictures cos everythings still Ass but that old desk of my sister in laws thats very nice and all but kind of in the way is gonna go to my old room in my parents house. and in its place im gonna get my old bookshelf from my old room. in my parents house
#its this like almost 20-year-old lundia that i think could do with an extra shelf piece#cos when it was first assebled i had this bigass cd/cassette player with big separate speakers#and theres this huge space to accommodate it all. i havent had that system in Years and now theres tons of empty air in there#where a Lot more books could fit#sure my record collections there but again i dont have a player. but i do have books. and they COULD fit that goddamn lundia#IF i only had EVEN THAT ONE extra shelf piece.#i do need to make an inventory of what books from that old shelf simply need to Go.#like for example i do Not need those hardcover finnish harry potter books#and i need to make a decision about the finnish hardcovers of dark towers 3 and 4#on the one hand story good on the other hand the translation makes me want to either kill myself or just. make a better translation#like the translations bad in ways that cant all be explained by sking being Like That#much like that shining translation i consulted for the finnish version of that gbu x shining fic. god that sucked ASS#i dont know if it was the same translator. but man. its like hey man do you like. Understand what youre reading. is this a first draft#anyway. the parents are going to the summer cottage tomorrow so the desk/lundia exchange wont happen till sometime next week#also also next week my brother and sister in law are coming over for tea (i need him to put up my curtains im too 160cm for that 😔)#and! im gonna get a pakig tomorrow. with a vacuum cleaner in it#home
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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.
#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there#im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold#at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire#theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade#of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about#the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc#its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a#metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm#just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone#its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it#everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much#damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i#collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells#me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my#wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im#excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it#feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun#is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's#what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy#but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire#unrelated#hm i should maybe add a tw to this#tw self injury#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life#but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it
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maybe some 10hour minecraft solo would fix me
#i dunno#im not sure why ive been all Eughh abt the server bf likes#part of it might be the New aspect of it and another part might be just how active it is and how many ppl are there#even tho im not like. ever direct or one on one with them its like#im at a party sort of#the chat is active too much and That. drains me a lot faster than i realize#so either a smaller server a Much smaller server or a solo world for a minute#would fix me#because i do want to minecraft#i miss it its good its nice it gives me something to do that i likely wouldn't ever get shamed for#(in this day and age... back in my day id get bullied in school about it)#(not usually by students but some did Judge me Heavily but mostly it was teachers who were like. 'video games are violenntt!!') but anyways#i wanna like the server bf likes so badly#but every single time i log on im like i cant find a good spot ever theres too many people and hhhh#so i log off of it pretty quickly even tho i Want. to like it#i jus dont think i caaann#and hi leo if ur reading this which i Hope you are <3#i would've told you this earlier. If i found out and unpacked this earlier but I'm only unpacking it now and at the time of#typing this i am so so so so SO sleepy and you are possibly just waking up or about to in an hour or so#so mwah mwah ily and such and gmmm#and im sorry if the short minecraft sessions felt Bad but it 10000% wasnt you#the uniqueness of that server js fun dont get me wrong but i dont think it can be like an All Time server for me#so make your own lil space there and ill pop in from time to time#if u want to at least#nya.txt#ow why cramps..#im nit bleeding or anything jus empty cramps bc i missed some shots oops#but its tolerable i just wnana sleeeeeepp
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i made more jack o lanterns :3
#i like the last one >:3#not like. super happy with the one in the middle and i think ill change him a lil bit but. idk how to make him look sad 😔#i tried but theres so much empty space there that looks Weird#ugh....anyways. please tell me what you think <<<333#🎆.txt
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somebody shoot me with a gun until I am dead before I write the first chapter of that pirate thing for like. Genuinely the eighth or ninth time.
#i have versions i like the vibes of#i have versions i like the pacing of#i have versions i like the writing of#i have not a single one that manages to hit even 2 out of those 3 criteria#Like. I think part of the issue is the setting is dreamy its soft and floaty and things arnt Right#but the first thing that happens is a guy loudly boasting about how much hes going to enjoy sexually assaulting his deuteragonist#hes lying. but Toi'uhla doesn't know that. The people ze is choosing to sacrifice zerself for dont know that.#the child whos experiencing the fear of death for the first time doesn't know hes bluffing either.#and the entire time theyre on a boat thats floating in empty nothing in a universe that has no stars left.#So much of making a tangible Threat like that hit is slowing for a moment and describing the ugly details of like#existing. as a physical person in a physical world. This horrible thing is happening and while it does the wind is messing up your hair#That sort of thing.#But there is no wind. there is no water. or rain. Toi'uhla's sense of smell is almost non existent. so ze cant think about the body oder#of that many people in that close of quarters.#And all while this is happening. i have to set up that these are two alien species with distinct cultures and Very different perspectives#on what is happening. Lordakai Senior is the one who lead the raid that killed Toi'uhla's sire and zer siblings.#But ze only knows the name Lordakai. bc for Zer it is completely reasonable to assume that the two Lordakai's are the same guy#Koita are long lived. Toi'uhla has never had reason to learn how to tell how old they are#Lordakai jr is absolutely riding on his dads name. but he doesn't know his dad was a privateer#So like. Theres a lot of shit happening in a weird setting#With two characters that need to Mesh while both putting up complete fronts.#and it needs to set up the stakes and themes for the rest of the damn story.#qnd its just a lot man. I love this project. i love these characters. but there's so many moving pieces bc theres had to be to make enough#Stuff to fill out the long spaces where they're just. on a pirate ship. being bored.#im probably over thinking this#blehgh
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collapsed to the ground coughing blood over reguri. again .
#a juni juno ramble#god ok i just think about mt silver like so many times over and over and over and over god theres so much empty space but implications base#on masters and usum and hgss like. like ok. Ok. also i can project onto Green SOOOOO MUCH get projected on loser
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Wait fr tho...
Why do WHOLE pics look so... EMPTY??? Like... is this a paradox? Bc they are in fact NOT WHOLE😭
#i just saw someome on twt mention this#but like... yeah...#theres so much empty space in them....#this was definitely intentional#hyuk and his big brain are definitely onto something#vixx
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i think the weirdest thing abt being Unemployed right now is that i just dont know what to do to fill up my day. i dont have any friends here to hang out with, i dont even know what there is to Do here. so ive just been sitting on my couch watching yt for the most part and that feels Sucky As Hell
#me.txt#i genuinely. dont know how to spend my time#theres so much empty space in my day and i dont like it
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best type of izuleo to me is post checkmate pre leo's return which may seem counterintuitive bc that's the one period of time they're not together but trust me it's the best.
#it's the period of time where their absence leaves an awful empty space in the other and while their relationship was uhm.. not great prior#to leo leaving. his absence hurts more than his presence#theres so much potential in that time frame bc we have izumi blaming himself for leo breaking and being so overcome with guilt but burying#it deep down and not acknowledging it and throwing himself towards makoto as a distraction and arguably a replacement#and. in my own little version of canon. making out with kaoru as a distraction and a way for both of them to bury their actual feelings.#ask me about izu/kao ill be normal i promise#and then there's leo whos like. severely depressed arguably suicidal and hes lost his muse and he cant create and hes just having an awful#time. they both are tbh#anyway . did this make sense? probably not but you get me
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on a literary level, i understand why people consider the house in hol to be horrifying, the single signpost of all that is terrifying in the unknown and impossible etc. but for me, even in the book, the scary parts were always how those things affected and changed men. (or like. How man survives in such a space).
the house never really terrified me. The man is worse than the minotaur
#Shitpost#running into this with regards to that game that came out#but also just the popularity of setting/location/liminal space horror increases this#Like idk man. This is why that game that was made cant really entertain me or terrify#because the horror in hol is the expierences of the people in it#who they become and how they change#a game puts the player in that position and as i am unaffected by such mystery#i would simply never enter. It. Wouldnt bother me#in orfer for the story to function i require the characters through which to interpret it#the terror is not in the situation or the house to me. It is in the navidsons and the others#idk on a level i understand this concept but it strikes completely dull to me#im listening to a video while working and im just hit by how much it doesnt affect me#when the guy who fell fell. I was terrified for him and the loss of power he expierenced#When the shotgun scene happened i was terrified of a man who had let this place warp him into a monster worse than the invisible minotaur#i find these would-be-theseuses more scary than the house#the adventuring spirit of man can so easily be an invader#and he brings his own demons with him to inhabit empty spaces#idk man. I feel like im talking about the walking dead 'the monsters are people'-ing this#and its like. Theres worth and saving to be done for people. But humanity is still the origin of the horror?#this is so strange to try to voice/write out#but this video was 50 minutes and i was thinking before the guy even brought up hol specifically#And this is just my overall thoughts on liminal spaces (and liminal horror) really#i am very unaffected by this particular fascination#which is a shame rly because it seems like it would appeal#but it doesnt lol
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my desktop theme is small as hell wtf
#i like the shape but theres so much empty space its driving me insane#idk why the jesse pinkman stamp is like that but im keeping it
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After i made kiryu walk all around kamurocho to find a quiet alley hidden from the streets thats not already taken up by bacchus i found this little bend in theatre square :) street to the left and sweet privacy (kind of) right ahead
#Yakuza loveblog#this should be one of the date spots#kiryu pages someone like hey want me to eat you out here#i was doing some field research because i kept thinking of kiryu and majima backing each other up into random alleyways#like usually id imagine the empty space behind serena but rverybody and their mother love to stand there and smoke so theres not much hope#for real privacy for an extended amount of time there. so i kept looking for smaller shittier alleys where they could conceivably bump and#grind without alerting too many people. the best place to find places like that is that cramped shopping district but i hate navigating that#place so i went walking all around and everywhere. the place where the mushroom seller was. was also pretty out of the way ... and little#asia too but everybody walks in and out of there all the time and theres always a guy smoking in the kitchen there but its not impossible ..#the public toilet in the small park in the upper right is pretty cool .... i was looking around for toilets too#mach bowl has some toilets that would probably be a lot nicer than ones outside ...#the champion district also isnt viable for frottage because theres always someone walking through it#places like the one i found are literally in short supply ....
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Goldilocks zone and earths atmosphere my beloved
everyone knows that space is very very cold, and the sun is very very hot. so i assume there's a bit of space kind of near the sun which is just right. balmy space
#also space isnt cold so much as it is empty!#so theres no heat if you need heat#but if you have too much heat? hoo boy good luck getting rid of that#so#i guess im not sure if there /could/ be a zone like this if you were just free floating in space sans atmosphere#huh
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