#theres been a mold problem

[3-aem]

my cat has been so cuddly tonight im just like r u dying……why do you crave being a ball on my lap no matter what

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

jsut cleaned my apartment bathroom

[hjartasalt]

icelandic news is a trip because every other month theres news like "oh this school is full of mold" like i guess buildings havent been cleaned or built properly in decades because seems like every school building just has mold. My favorite story was that there was a school that had mold, they had students attend like a temporary house until the school fixed the mold problem, the temp house also had mold. is it just more humid now than decades ago or are school budgets just that bad, or both?

Tbh every time I enter any sort of school building now I just assume it has mold

[ninadove]

I’m an outsider to the miraculous fandom, generally because of anxiety stuff but I have this silly little Felix idea I think you would really like. (Or maybe I’m just dumb and this has been done before)

So I’m a bit obsessed with flower symbolism, right? My favorite being roses. For Felix, (and sentis in general) I think the two types of blue roses are perfect symbolism.

1.) Classic Royal Blue Rose

I’m not sure how common this fact is, but bright blue roses aren’t real. They’re artificial. White Roses dyed blue. Symbolically, They represent royalty, mystery and that which is unobtainable. Theres also some folk lore that they can grant wishes.

2.) Genetically Altered “Blue” Roses

So, in the early 2000’s (coincidentally around when Adrien and Felix would have been born?) Scientists wanted to find a way to make “naturally” occurring blue roses. Their attempts to create these roses was technically successful, but they aren’t actually blue. They are more of a pinky-purple-blue, it’s a fairly wide range, but almost all of the photos of them that I’ve seen are either the color of Argos’ eyes or his skin.

So basically I think both types of “blue” roses serve as a baller senti allegory…..

Specifically, Colt Fathom would be the “scientist” in search of creating the elusive royal blue rose. Something that doesn’t occur in nature, representing desire (yk peacock miraculous moment) and what is unobtainable. Yet, all he manages to make is the mauve-colored blue rose, Felix.

Or, Alternatively, Adrien could be the Royal blue rose to Felix’s genetically altered rose.

Adrien was molded for mass appeal by his father, meant to be widely adored by the people. Like the genetically altered rose, it is artificial, but it’s also considered to be beautiful, elegant and desired. People want the royal blue rose, just as Emilie and Gabe wanted him.

Meanwhile, the genetically altered blue rose is lowkey…, a little disappointing? It’s not what people were hoping for. It’s not what people envision when they think of blue roses, because dude it’s fricken purple. In a way, that could be how bitchass Mr Fathom saw his son. Unnatural, but without the charms of the dyed royal blue rose.

Or, double alternatively,

Adrien is already kinda associated with red roses anyway. He’s constantly giving them to LB, season 5 ends with him and Mari kissing in Emilie’s red rose garden.

Which would give Felix symbolism rights to both kind of blue roses.

Imagining a kiss scene to parallel adrinette kiss where it’s Felix and Kagami sharing a kiss in a garden of blue roses. Artificial but still beautiful

Oh Anon you know exactly what to say to make me experience Thoughts and Feelings. Pictures for reference (Classic Royal Blue on the left, genetically altered on the right):

Look at this blue. It’s literally peacock blue. And damn if this isn’t Argos lilac I don’t know what is

I can definitely see the symbolism working both ways! Felix being a more vibrant, but also harsher version of Adrien’s soft hues… The royal/religious symbolism associated with this shade of blue specifically… It works so well…

But I love Classic Royal Blue Adrien and genetically altered Felix even more, for all the reasons you listed. What is a monster, if not a deviation from the norm? I think I’ve written Kagami going heart eyes over Argos’ more “inhuman” features enough for everyone to know how beautiful she would find it… 💜

SPEAKING OF KAGAMI. I think we could go on a whole tangent about her association with red roses and passion — how she couldn’t find it in Adrien and Mari but eventually did in Felix. They SHOULD kiss in a rose garden and they SHOULD make it everyone’s problem! 🌹

[wazzappp]

ROBBIES TURN yes I am posting his the day right after Gabes yes i have lost sleep doing this.

When Robbie has been hurt enough the mold that makes him up essentially goes 'ok yeah no theres no point in even trying to look human all our energy is going towards survival rn'. It consumes the places that have had the most damage in the past (primarily the arms and his torso but his previously cut off leg is getting some fun bullshit too). His thought process gets sort of foggy?? I think thats the best way to describe it. His brain sort of narrows down to 'KEEP SAFE' and 'KEEP BAD THINGS AWAY' the bad things usually being MOST THINGS THAT MOVE (Gabe is completely classified in the 'keep safe' catagory. Lisa.... is on thin ice but they're on pretty good terms at this point. As long as she doesen't attack him outright she's probably good).

Theres a bit of a sliding scale for 'how much damage' corrisponds to 'how much decay / mental fog' and Im gonna start working on it soon. There is a slight middle ground where the moldyness is very apparent but Robbie is also mentally aware enough to recognize it and its a VERY BAD TIME FOR HIM. He cant really feel much in his hands when they're like that (the mold isnt mimicing nerves the same way because they want to protect him from pain to keep him moving) its like when your hand goes to sleep and it buzzes. It's like trying to flutter your fingers through water. You can do it without much issue but theres still just a little resistance. Also I think that 'disliking being confronted with your own deadness' is something that he and cannon Robbie share. Cant freak out about your problems if you refuse to acknowledge them! (<- he will inevitably suffer for this)

Also having a fun time thinking about how disconnected he would feel from his own hands. Theres no way they're his they don't LOOK like his hands or FEEL like his hands but they move when he tells them to so they HAVE to be.

Luckily I was actually able to find a PERFECT voice reference for the sort of garbled-choked-wheezing-thing-waiting-in-the-dark-for-you I was envisioning for sufficiently hurt Robbie (being impaled in this example isn't helping either)

Also if you want to hear more of this EXCELLENT voice its Fiddlesticks from League of Legends (i can not escape) and its KELLEN FUCKING GOFF THE GUY WHO VOICES FUNTIME FREDDY AND GLAMROCK FREDDY AND SUN AND MOON THIS GUY IS W O A H. He also did this. With minimal sound editing. he just SOUNDS LIKE THAT. HE MADE A FUCKING TUTORIAL.

ANYWAY Gabe is uh. Not really having a good time with that one. Robbie in this state reminds him a LOT of himself while under Evelines control. Robbie is in control of himself of course hes just in the mental state of WHERE BROTHER :(?????? WHERE GO??? MAYBE LISA KNOWS??? LISA WHERE BROTHER :(((. But you can not listen to the audio I provided and think 'HMMM YES THAT IS VERY REASSURING I SHALL LISTEN TO THAT VOICE A GOOD SOUND YES HM YES'

[spacedlexi]

I keed to ask, what's your opinion on Minerva and Lilly?

do you mean like separately as characters or the way lilly completely broke minnie and turned her into her little lap dog

the part of me that likes fictional conflict finds it all soooo much fun. i enjoy minnie for the tragic character that she is and also the hand lilly had in making her that way. plus lilly trying (and failing) to break clem in the same way. lillys there to cause problems and stir up shit and i love her for it :) evil woman. i actually wish they had explored that "lilly feels like a monster because shes happy larrys dead" idea in S1 (dont ask me to find it i just saw it in the tag months ago). i think it wouldve tied in well to the themes happening in S4.

i REALY wish we had more time with minnie. i feel like they gave us Just enough to get a sense of what her motivations were. thinks she cant go back home after killing sophie and so has distanced herself from the school. shes on board with the kidnapping plan and gets mad at clem for fucking it all up and teaching them to fight back. the resentment that would create in minnie who killed sophie for doing the same thing. i do wonder if she Really thought they would all survive if they just gave up. if she was on board with the plan theres no way she wouldve just left tenn behind did she really think TENN would survive the delta?? does the part of herself she thinks is dead just miss them that much? i wish i knew more about her current feelings on the ericson group as a whole

but i really like what a great foil she is for clem, all the way up until their showdown on the bridge. theyre very evenly matched even while minnie continues to mentally degrade. and its sad because this could all stop at any time but she just commits to her downfall instead. i wouldve liked to see more of their rivalry in regards to lilly. lilly spends the season trying to recruit clem, clem spends the season refusing her, and minnie has already been molded into the loyal soldier clem Could be (that lilly Wants her to be). unfortunately we only ever see the 3 of them in the same room Once, during the interrogation scene (which is a really good scene). i just find the dynamic a lot of fun in a really fucked up way and wouldve liked to have seen more of it :) oh if only we had 5 episodes 😔

[battiegutz]

AUTISM TIME

ok so i got a few of the blind box gen7 pets today and i originally i was only gonna use one for a custom but im considering customizing all of them and infact im going to do a full review below

disclaimer: i am giving an honest review of these. my wording might appear harsh or whiny at some points but i am just trying to honestly review them. i am still very happy that lps are returning to these molds. also pls keep in mind that i dont currently have any authetic gen2 lps to compare them to rn, so my comparison is mostly based off my memory of them and the bases i have that are modeled after them

okay im gonna seperate this into categories bc i love lists im list boy. nvm dont call me that. ok

Appearance&design: even from first glance you can tell these are different than gen2, the og. the colors are way more saturated and dont get me wrong i love bright colors but for example the spaniel and ox? bull? both have "nuetral" colors aka brown in this case, but theyre very saturated to the point that both just look orange and its not very appealing at all. the caterpillar is ok, the green isnt too loud and pairs well with the yellow, and the otter's pastel pink isnt too bad either. however. a thing with these new lps is instead of the personality eye shines they can have personality markings on them. now this isnt necessarily a bad idea, and i can see it being quite cute is done well, but unfortunately this idea is not well executed. the markings look slapped on and out of place and because theyre only on certain pets it looks especially strange. on top of that, the paint job on these is not the greatest. i wouldnt normally be so critical of this, but considering everything else wrong with them, well. anyway. there are scuff? and paint marks on quite a few spots on all figures, though the otter seems the least blemished. the worst offender of a bad paint job is the ox. the muzzle is a splotchy and uneven attempt to call back to the airbrushed markings of old and the paint around his horns and hair is wildly uneven. not to mention how his hooves are not a different color than the rest of his body, which looks especially strange with the stark white horns. additionally, whatever sealant or plastic or whatever they used for the bulls hair feels greasy somehow? the mold for the ox is very cute tho :3 the color difference between the head and body on them isnt that bad, and can easily be overlooked, though it is worst on the caterpillar. the designs overall could be improved with at least some of the pets having more grounded colors and reworking the personality markings, maybe something like a small star on the bottom of a foot or a little cheek mark? ive spent enough time in this section lets move on

Quality: it is immediately obvious these are made of worse material than gen2. this is a problem in all modern toys though, so i dont particularly blame them for it. however, the ox head is bad. while all the toys seem to have a bit of give to the heads theyre not super squishy. the ox head is. because of how squishy the head is, it seems his nose bridge is caving in? it looks indented is what im saying. the texture of them isnt too bad but they feel noticeably worse than even my fake base ones i bought (shoutout to CustomLShop on ebay, the bases arrived super fast and were in excellent condition aswell as very nice packaging with even some bonus stickers :3) the caterpillars antennae are a little too flexible, im worried they might snap. there are very visible lines on the spaniel and the ox where the body mustve been in multiple pieces before being assembled. another thing is that while the heads do bobble mostly fine, they have a lot of trouble turning, theres resistance if even tilt the head, and it feels very strange. once again the otter seems to be the highest quality out of the ones i got, but it still has the same problems.

Price: i get that everything is expensive these days, but i feel it wouldve been more fair based on the quality if the individual boxes were around 2 dollars instead. it wouldve also been nice it there was a deal if you got the whole box set. also it seems that employees have been throwing away the bonus pet in the box when the box is empty of blind boxes, which is a shame because the bonus pet is a nice idea, but i think its not a great idea to have her on the box for the blind boxes as people are a majority of the time buying only a few individual boxes, so she gets left there as she looks like shes just part of the display

Final verdict: if you love lps or just arent concerned abt minor quality changes, go ahead and get em!! there are many problems with these but theyre still very cute and its awesome to see them coming back in the style i remember from my childhood :3

ok my energy is dwindling bc we also went grocery shopping (sensory overload city). i think? i covered everything i wanted to so. yea :3 lmk ur thoughts btw nd would also love to hear frm ppl who have also bought th blind boxes and your thoughts on them

also as far as customizing them i think ill stick to just repaints of them to preserve their design atleast a bit :3 tho th spaniel is an exception i hav big plans fr her lol

[fagcrisis]

sorry what do you mean your mother's coup. elaborate

this ended up being long as hell so readmore time

so i live in this old fucking apartament building right, turns 120 soon, hasnt really been renovated in 50 years. and our apartament has the attic built in, which wasnt a feature originally and the previous tenant did it himself, badly, meaning weve had a hole in our roof for about 5ish years now that we just have not been able to fix. last november we had a pretty big storm that fucked the hole up even worse and our previous solution of just "put a bucket under it and leave the room" has stopped working because too much water was getting in and my sister had to start sleeping in a different room so safe to say, shit state of affairs

my mum got a contractor to come take a look at it and the dude concluded that its dangerous to be left unfixed and hes gonna have to climb in between the attic walls and the roof bc due to the hole theres a shitton of mold that needs to be cleaned out. overall this wouldve cost us 600k forint thats more than my mum makes in 2 months and i had 9-5 at that point but my shit salary was not gonna fix this. so my mum had a breakdown and decided that well sell the apartament and try moving, which sucks bc when we got this place it was still cheap but since then the housing market has gone to shit and we wouldve had to live in a rental we probably wouldnt have been able to afford. but my mum still called an agent to check the house out, and he told us that theres no way were selling it, because of the big fucking hole, the messed up pipes and bc the building isnt insulated (legally cant be bc its a historical monument lmao. europe)

HOWEVER he also said. since this is an apartament building with 12 flats we have a house representative and we pay *google translate help me* common cost every month, to cover repairs on the house, that we shouldnt have to pay for the repairs, the house should. cause. its the whole houses roof not just our apartaments.

my mum went to the house rep (józsi) to ask about this, and he told her that this isnt true and that he wont pay for the repairs. which made my mum mad and she went and found a lawyer who said the house does have to pay for repairs. but józsi was still like i will not.

so my mum talked to all 12 of our neighbouring flats individually and found out that literally everybody has grievances with this dude. there has been an ENTIRE TREE growing on the roof for years now that we havent been able to get cleaned out, the staircase is borderline life threatening to use, we could technically get authorization for insulating the house but the rep needs to apply and józsi hasnt, one of the gates to the yard is like not working, etc

they ended up calling the first house meeting in years (were supposed to have those every month lol) where they ended up voting to have a new rep, and also to fix our roof. which got fixed by the way, and the mold was also cleaned out

BUT the story doesnt end here bc they still need to vote a new rep in. and my mum found this company who represents apartament buildings professionally and sure itd cost us some money but we pay the common cost anyway, and they have contractors they work with so itd be soooo easy to fix shit in the house. but for some reason some people decided they want this dude instead, who owns one of the flats in the building but does not live here, his insane mother does who hates me. and he DOESNT LIVE HERE the entire problem with józsi was, that he was like not helpful in any way and now they want a guy who doesnt even live here??

ANYWAY TODAY THE PLOT FUCKING THICKENED. because. my mum started looking over the houses finances with 2 of our neighbours one of whom is i think a lesbian but im not sure anyways they found out that józsi has been STEALING MONEY. FROM THE COMMON COST. WHICH IS WHY FUCKALL GOT FIXED IN THE HOUSE!!!!

anyway the coup is still ongoing but i hope u enjoyed my mums tale of intrigue. shes having so much fun w this shes having secret meetings with people to talk about this all day

[rise-my-angel]

One of my favorite hot takes from Dany/Rhaegar stans is that Jonerys is the gender inverse Rhaelya (as if that's a good thing lol) and Rhaelya's love was doomed to end in tragedy whereas Jonerys will fall in love, marry, and rule on the IT together and usher in a Targ Restoration with their 10 incest babies, and usher in the Spring. Mind you, I saw this take just. this. past. year. I thought getting their asses handed to them in 2019 would make Dany stans cool it with the delulu headcanons but imagine my surprise lmao. The amount of takes I see about Jon and Dany being a Elizabeth of York and Henry VII-esque couple. Like, omg, how is this still a thing in the fandom.

A lot of the fandom doesn't understand the cynical subversion that GRRM is doing with these two. Yes, at first glance Jon and Dany's stories 'parallel' each other but that's because they are actually FOILS. They are put in similar situations so readers can see how differently they act. All of their foreshadowing for 'coming together' is negative - it speaks to a relationship that is filled with animosity and betrayal. But that is exactly the point and subversion of the trope. In any other fantasy series, the same aged attractive male and female protagonists that have paralleling journeys will fall in love and live happily ever after, etc. Here, they won't be lovestruck soulmates, they will be bitter enemies.

I don't know how much of their show romance was fan service versus what was in GRRM's intended outline. I could see GRRM doing some type of romance/sexual relationship between them before shit hits the fan because I think he's too obsessed with incest not to go there, but on the other hand there doesn't seem like a lot time to make a romance work or be believable.

The problem is that he has written WAY too strong of a character in Jon to even make a semblance of attraction of any kind work. Jon has gotten to the point where shipping him with a character really doesn't work because every character people ship him with, has about 20 red flags Jon detects on the spot the second they peek their head out.

And Dany is so blatantly egotistical that Jon even IF he found her attractive, which I don't think he would, he would be turned off the second she speaks. She is so unhinged and self inflated of an ego that Jon who has no ego, would dislike her right away. And the second he sees her as a person with horrific morals he would then turn into someone completely against her.

They cannot work because no matter what people try, you cannot reasonably mold Jon into being any kind of attracted to her. Show Jon had to be forced into that relationship kicking and screaming because he spent the whole fucking season fed up with her from minute one. He has no emotions talking to her other then when he gets pissed off.

Jon hates her. Theres no solution to their dynamic other then Jon meets her and instantly hates her.

Putting Jon in a romance in the books at this point is such a bad idea that if grrm does it after the rape nonsense that was the Ygritte saga, then hes lost the plot.

Grrm you have been revoked your right to put characters into romances. You cannot be trusted.

Stay 100 feet away from Jon Snow.

[oh-my-damn]

People be giving jenny too much credit sis was trying to mold herself to his taste too much while acting like she was oh so different she just failed at it and reality hit both their asses hard thus the break up . alba is the result of chris previous mistakes because he never learned from them. instead of deep diving into himself he just took all his past relationships and acted as if everyone else was the problem instead of it being a conjoint issue and realizing his part in it all. tbh alba is not that different from jenny or minka they are all women who dropped everything for his ass hoping they would be THE ONE. alba is going to see that keeping up a charade to make up for whatever lack shes trying mask within herself will get her ass just as it did the others and chris unless he learns his lessons theres going to be another jenny another minka and probably at that point another alba but considering how things are going idk he may just stick with this one because he seems to not want to change but thats just me

okay OKAY

Here we go

I can agree to this to a certain extent. HOWEVER I do not think this was the case for Jenny round two.

Round two happened around 2017/2018.

NOW

I believe what really happened, because of the way that Chris clearly is and what Jenny said in her book, is that he did not live up to his "woke feminist persona" in private life.

Now, maybe she did mold herself to him or whatever, but it was in a much smaller sense than Alba currently.

After their first breakup, Jenny got her own place that she made sure to turn into her own, and she reflected a lot on her divorce. For me, the main reason that Jenny and Alba cannot and should never be compared other than in regards to controversy and racism, is that Jenny had her own established career prior.

Jenny had her own thing, she had done quite a bit and even had comedy shows going and even did get a book deal that came out after round two.

Even if Chris leaves Alba in the dirt within a year, she will not be interesting enough to have a book deal. She couldn't even carry a Netflix show (whereas Jenny had a pretty iconic MINOR role on a show that is still remembered to this day, and has been nominated for an Oscar), and she has completely abandoned her work ever since they went public.

Jenny kept on working.

I don't think the two should be compared. No matter how much you think Jenny may have tried to alter herself to fit into Chris' world, she never truly changed herself. You can tell as much from the podcast they did, her persona, her book and who she is now.

And I think that's the deciding factor. Even a woman like Jenny Slate, who is inherently problematic because of what she has said in the past and who isn't even considered a true activist, is too much for Chris Evans.

He needs even less.

And who did he find?

Someone who is not even even less, but also someone who, even if they tried their fucking hardest, could never be as enlightened, despite her flaws, as Jenny Slate is.

Jenny Slate at least has a College degree. Alba didn't even finish High School.

He went for the uneducated 25 year old, who not only acts like a teenager, but looks like one, too.

He is truly your stereotypical, disgusting, 40+ year old white guy going through a midlife crisis.

And it is pathetic.

The entire thing is absolutely pitiful.

Jenny Slate - SOMEONE WHO HAS DISGUSTINGLY CONTROVERSIAL THINGS IN THE PAST DODGED A BULLET.

SHE. DODGED. A. BULLET.

And is now happily married with kids.

While Chris is now dating YET ANOTHER racist.

[whilomm]

Random thing ive been learning about, ive been looking into vintage sewing machines (just got an elna supermatic im gonna try and get working!) and learned a cool thing about how they used to make different stitches before things were computerized: these discs called "cams"!

simply put, theyre like lil gears that move the needle around to make diff designs, similar to how computerized machines do just like, mechanically. there are both built in cams (usually in cam stacks) and drop in cams that you can switch out.

now, the problem is: cams can be hard to find apparently! theres only so many of course, and while they arent that expensive individually (a few bucks apiece from what im seeing), it seems like its a pain in the ass to track down specific ones (ive seen so many people bemoaning the ducky elna cam. everyone wants that duck!)

because theyre usually just bits of plastic, it wouldnt be THAT hard to just. 3d print em. maybe it wouldnt give the best results, but hey, a ducky thats gonna wear out a lil too fast might be better than not having a ducky at all, and if people had the files at least someone could theoretically produce them thru better means, like injection molding or whatever.

but of course making a 3d printing database of cams is easier said than done. not for lack of trying apparently! ive found stuff like this thread of someone trying to put together a project to make a database of elna cams (which was later abandoned going by the comments), i found at least one for the elna zigzag cam (nice, might need it if i get my machine working!) , and there are at least a few files available for more popular cams like on singers. heres a thread with someone sharing a buncha files, which i cant verify bc i dont have a printer but they have the duck! and also apparently the dick, which is nice.

if you reverse engineer this shit you could design your own cams, like heres someone who made a 3-step zig zag cam, and a couple of projects for "design your own cams" which. sound cool but idk how modeling works so idk how to do this lmao. but thats so neat!

and theoretically it would be SO easy for someone to just make a database of every cam they could find and upload em for anyone to use but well. again, easier said than done. im finding a lotta scattered files, but unless im missing it i dont think anyones made a single nice lil page filled with the files for cams across diff machines.

...anyway, if anyone knows how this shit works I think it would b really cool if someone made a heartbeat cam and a lil bat cam. those would be fun!

[piplupod]

.

we've been using cardboard and then a thumbtacked-to-the-wall scarf to block the light in our bedroom window at night up until recently (this is our fourth or fifth year of living down here and we only finally got to have a curtain rod installed a couple months ago), theres mold that grows around the windowframes in the winter if we don't keep up with vinegar/bleach on it, springtails are in the bathroom for weeks at a time from ??? god knows where, there is an obvious mold problem down here that our mother says she "just doesnt know what to do" about and refuses to look into it, we find weevils and carpet beetles frequently and consistently (like at least three or four every week), and there are several unfinished spots of the basement that our dad nearly started crying over last year because he apparently felt so bad that we have to live with this and yet he does not make it a priority to finish or fix (even though the main floor that we're not allowed into without permission has gotten several purely cosmetic upgrades).

we do not complain because complaining gets us abused more. we pay rent each month. we have literally Zero income whatsoever, and our mother has expressed anger and disapproval at the idea of us getting onto welfare and disability for the past three years and suddenly this year out of the blue she says to us "why haven't you been working on getting onto PWD? you know it takes a long time, right? you should've started working on that a while ago!"

i think we're allowed to fuck up the property ever so slightly in an attempt to make it tolerable to live in. jesus fucking christ.

[mordcore]

thoughts about my plurality:

Been having impostor syndrome again bc we are unconventional tm and dont fit thre mold

This has been a thing for likr 7 years btw. I dont have this problem with other things anymore. Is it something about online plural spaces? Most definitely, yes. DID spaces for example can be some of the most hostile spaces for systems ive ever seen. We avoid them like the plague more than the plague .

Also i want to understand anti-endo mentalities because i just dont get it. Even people who seem otherwise reasonable, intelligent and open-minded seem to fall into it and i want to knoe why and how.

At the same time theres a lot of overlap with other exclusionists like most notably sysmedicalism, but im also seeing parallels from all that to terfism and such. Its a topic i am Very interested in currently /hyperfixation go brrr

[motleyfolk]

I saw your post about "Cringe Culture is dead" and while I agree with it, I didn't agree initially because I started realizing I partly don't view cringe the same way. My friends and I have been redefining cringe in our circle so my initial disagreement was me thinking about it from my friends perspective.

Like elderly people dancing in a club MAY be partly cring enducing but not part of cringe culture in my group. It is just some folks enjoying their time and theres nothing wrong with it.

Wars, starting fights over stupid shit, being manipulative, all that's cringe but kids trying cosplay, artist drawing anthro animals (this isn't just a furry thing) and stuff like that isn't cringe.

Then I realized, yeah the popular idea of cringe culture is dead. People really should enjoy themselves but maybe we can all try to redefine what is cringe to something that genuienly gets us reeling back? I'm not sure if this makes sense. Sorry for the ramble.

Don't apologise for the ramble, I like a good ramble.

For me, my new definition of cringe is people doing things that make me physically recoil. Like face contorting, toes curling, shoulders hunching kinda way.

That's still most people's definition of cringe, the problem is they apply it liberally and don't have the common and social sense of when to keep it to themselves.

Stunning your toe into the wall with a toothpick? Makes me cringe. Watching old anime crack compilations? Makes me cringe. Seeing Urban Outfitters? Makes me cringe.

Do I openly cringe at the first two? Yeah. Did I walk into Urban Outfitters today and make a face at every customer I saw? No, because I'm not an arsehole.

You usually can't control what you cringe it. No one is morally pure, you might genuinely find furries or the Naruto kid fans that ninja run through the hallways as cringe and whatever, shit happens. The problem happens when you take that private judgement and make it public, putting it into other people's minds and weighing them with it.

That's what cringe culture is, the arrogant and self important action of forcing your reaction to things on others in attempt to shame them out of innocent forms of self expression. That's the culture part of it, people expressing their arrogant opinions to make that the new value consensus and shaming those that don't fit it so they will now mold into it.

Its not just a new thing people do on the internet or white, middle class teens and young adults do. Everyone does it, has been doing it, for centuries. People have always been seen as outcasts and shamed when they don't fit social norms. Now we just do it on the internet too, a place that originally was full of people outside of social norms (the nerdy star trek forums and all). Since the internet is now everyone + one trillion bots raised on dry hate feed the old value consensus is now being applied here.

We should bring back the definition of cringe to being something that makes you eeeeeeesh 😟😟🫣. We should also bring back not feeling the need to share negative opinions and learning to keep them to ourselves and dealing with them instead of giving them to others to deal with.

Now I've rambled. 🤝 Same time next week pls

[raisinchallah]

i really do worry i have some irreparable mold damage in my brain and my lungs ive been living with it for over a decade both my cats ive had in this time developed shockingly similar respiratory problems and i so often feel overwhelmingly exhausted and fuzzy headed with this insane chest tightness (this all predates my covid infection and the pandemic in general) idk really weird but theres also like nothing i can do about it...

[young--cheeseburger]

Mid-Year Self Reflection

I turn 24 next month and I've been depressed since I was 11-12 years old.

These past few months have been really eye opening and I've been learning more and more about myself and how I coped with the world for so long isnt healthy. Nor how I saw myself.

I knew I'm depressed but seeing the tangible depths of my depression come to bite me in the ass has really been eye opening.

Ever since I broke down in September-October of 2022, I've been in a state of mourning. As well as the most "unstable" I've been. Looking back at it, it was probably a long time coming.

Feeling like I failed college not only becauae its not easy to get into but also because I didnt put my 100% and then realizing that I can't do art as a full time job anyway really left me in a bad state because I covinced myself it was all I had. And it really felt like it was. Most likely being its something I genuniely enjoyed throughout everything, even me being depressed. Drawing was fun, being able to physically see myself improve was fun and wanting to get better at this skill that I had actually felt good. It felt really good. But I am also my own worst critic so that probably didnt help things either. And since its a medium that does require my emotions to put into it (even if its silly little drawings) I've cut myself off from those. Maybe not completely but I've been in this very stagnant state for a really long time.

Hell me saying that sentence says a lot to me. "Stagnant" is like a mental checkpoint for me since thats how I described my life in High School of all things.

There's a quote from Night In The Woods where Bea tells Mae "I stayed here and got older, and you went away and stayed the same." and it really hit me since Mae also had the opportunity to go to college and didnt change. Mae is a lot more "aimless" and wants to chill and hang around though. Meanwhile I give myself way too harsh standards and constantly fail to live up to them. (geez I wonder who I got that from) Both seem like ways to cope with becoming an adult the more I think about it.

Anyways.

I'm at least glad I have some awareness towards my problems and will always try to take responsibility for my actions when I can. Its because of these issues and a few other things that I lost a few friends along the way. Although its for the better really. I was taking a lot more than I can really give and I wasn't appreciative of friendships, nor the time given by them. And as we get older in life, the less time we're able to give. I don't wanna be someome whos holding anyone back or anything. And no friend should feel like they arent cared about.

I use apathy to cope with not feeling depressed but instead it turned off any other kind of emotion and it grew into me not feeling much of anything at all. No emotions to help guide choices, no emotions to share, no emotions to feel towards anything really. In my mind, if I stopped caring, things wouldnt hurt as much.

I usually didnt talk about emotions because I didnt want to dump on people but also because I kept invalidating my own feelings. A lot of people I know have been through so much worse and here I am. Still with a family, even though they throughly hate who I am as a trans man. I got hit a few times as a kid for making mistakes/disiplinary reasons but I had friends who's parents did so much worse. So who was I to complain in the face of all of that? I should be helping them get through it then worry about what I felt because my problems seemed minor in comparison.

Comparison, the same thing my parents did constantly when I was younger until I started being the one getting compared to. Because "I can do everything right" right? A perfect little mold even if I was a dying dog. Loyal, but at what cost?

"I'm sure theres people who care about me but I don't really care too much anymore. I That just means I am really weak. Useless even until the end. I want to die. The pain would only hurt for a little while before everything is over."

That was a consistent thought in my head for so long. And I've wanted to die for so long. But up to a few weeks ago, I had actual plans for doing it too. Several ways even.

It wasnt till an old friend told me that my ways of thinking were only making me feel worse. And when I told myself I'd listen for once, I did. Before walking out again because once again, I had taken someone's emotional labor for granted.

I realized now that, yeah people will always have it worse. And yeah I can totally do my part to make sure that the people I know, friends or strangers can at least feel better. But I have to realize that what happened to me hurt me too so I can finally let it go.

I want to move on with my life, I really do. It sucks not having a bunch of the adult skills I need (driving especially) but its never too late to learn. I have time and I need to start giving myself the time like I would for others. To stop being at odds with myself and try to be neutral with my existance, instead of not caring. To want to live, to hope, even if nothing is concrete. To be like water, instead of a brick.

Trying to say that last part with this capitalist hellscape in mind is hard but people like me have survived.

Maybe I can too.