#theres barely anything on it but still
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i swear i need a (ooc) sideblog for just rotumblr stuff i like cause i think itd be too out of pocket for this one
#i already have the ic one but i dont wanna reblog things there sometimes#its @wolperthing if you wanna check it out btw! i heart rp blogs weee#theres barely anything on it but still
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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )
#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO#so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hphl#choccyart#also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING#THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD#i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste#esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖
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still obsessed with them in 2024. they deserve a nap :)
it breaks my heart that we didn't get to see more of them. why can't i have anything
#um if you didnt already ship them then here u go. for your consideration#it makes me laugh how theres a part of the fandom that is still obsessed with starrk. in 2024. despite him doing barely anything#starrk: yas girl give us nothing#bleach#tier harribel#coyote starrk#bleach fanart
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when you mentioned in your tags that there was hardly any laughingstock i didn't believe you at first, but holy shit ur right. YOU AND @krasytoonz MADE ME INTO A LAUGHINGSTOCK BELIEVER. I WILL PAY TRIBUTE TO THESE SKRUNGLY FUCKERS SOON, MARK MY WORDS *shakes fist into the void*
no yeah Seriously though its just us out here, fighting for our lives in the fucking Trenches. in ten years someone is gonna use the word 'laughingstock' casually in conversation and im gonna have War Flashbacks
#no please get out while you still can#once you let them in all the way They Will Not Fucking Leave they are There Forever#the inside of my brain is just me huddled in a corner while they make out in the middle of my skull#BUT YEAH THERES BARELY ANYTHING#trust me whenever krasytoonz posts them i am instantly there to ravenously devour the crumbs like a rabid pigeon#they are my only outside source of barnaby/howdy#them and the side plot in Stamps by Indigopoptart on ao3#oh the side plot my beloved.... im still starving but sometimes they trick me into feeling like im Feasting....#and that one tidbit in Beautiful Boy Its Only Love by ImaginatorOf Things - also on ao3 ofc#and thats IT thats ALL I HAVE. all We have#shoving my entire fist into my mouth and biting it off while sobbing. screaming. etc.#oh the pain and joy of rarepairs... its been a while since ive been so taken with one...#who knows? with the power of friendship and this gun i found maybe one day it wont just be viewed as a crackship by the masses#rambles from the bog#gotta be honest. krasytoonz also converted me all the way#like i was tenuous about it at first...#it was just a Thought yk yk#i was like 'oh thats cute but like. as a side thing. a background thing. they dont have much going for them'#i think that was because i had nothing to enjoy outside of my own brain#i liked the very rare very jokey crumbs from a couple of clownsuu's posts#but it wasnt enough to make me go Theyre Mine Now#then i stumbled upon krasytoonz and one scrolling session later! i was fully hooked! just like that!#laughingstock went from a nebulous interest to a Permanent Fixture In My Braincase!#but yeah uhhhhh glad i could contribute to passing on the Illness#if you ever get free i will envy you#and to future me: if youre free i envy you as well. but i also pity you bc theyre so so good theyre so cute whats wrong with you-#i hate them & i love them & theyre nothing & theyre everything & they wont leave & ive locked the door
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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anyways you can look at this i truly wanna animate i do but this shit takes SO LONNG AHHHHUFOWHBXRH2EFXPIJN
#its barely anything.....#and theres still something missing#i just want to see my mons move is that too much to ask#pokemon oc time#vine#charkoal#scolipede
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She wails as though a part of her has died.
oh man. i picked up the sidestory to @just-a-carrot's five-arc horror epic a couple days ago and i'm so glad i did. i'll probably be talking nonstop and/or drawing about it for days
there's a handful of whiteboard doodles with other characters under the cut, but rly i just wanted to pay a homage to the scene that hit me the hardest... enjoy
#theres already PARAGRAPHS upon paragraphs in my partners dms over this freaking thing but like listen to me (jingle jingle) PAY ATTENTION#i feel like i have to add that visual novels arent really something i take interest in at all this one jus JUMPED me#i actually played the side piece (our cinderella) first + was so in love with the writing i went to check out the main story. worth it#and i DEFINITELY won't be able to fit everything i want to say in the tags but its so refreshing to read/play thru a novel where the protag#are regular ass adults. like middle class thirty year olds barely breaking even. and that still get sappy unapologetically.#need more stories like this fr#that aside it's been fucking crazy to look at iggy's character arc through his eyes considering yk.. everything.#theres no universal asexual experience or anything but sometimes there'd be a line in there that made me like. sit up and go damn what the#i did that. i do that.#it's. i cant explain it in depth in the tags its about the way topics are skirted around and the realization that something is#uncomfortable in a way you werent expecting it to be. or even on your radar. theres so much#ugh. im unwell. anyways.#dewdles#our wonderland#gidget bordelle#iggy maxwell#genzou#genzou ichihara#cecil- does cecil have a last name??? cecil.#blood#injury#ask to tag
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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My review of Miraculous Ladybug S5 so far is that it has a lot of scenes that I like in theory, but in action just end up being very silly and way over dramatic
#that being said. i love them all the same#genuinely obsessed with this show#but man it handles everything in such an odd way#they always spend so much time talking about nothing for the first 75% of the episode#and then the last 25% hikes up the drama to 100 and its always so abrupt#'illusion' is an excellent example of this lol#that episode had such a strange and sudden tone shift#its bizarre that the episodes are 22 minutes long but still barely manage to say anything#this is all technically criticism but make no mistake. i wouldnt have it any other way#this is truly the peak of miraculous ladybug. this is what it should ALWAYS be#so far i dont think theres been an episode where ive been particularly BORED. theyve all got a little spice to them#which i appreciate#well. i kinda didnt like the first 2 episodes. those were just a lot of running around#but everything after that has been exactly what i wanted#tldr: the pacing is weird and i wouldnt change a thing#my notes document on this show is up to 8 pages. ive never had as many opinions on a show as I do this one#im a certified miraculous stan
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i cant phrase this well but infinity train book 2 is for the aroace transgenders. lake transgenderism is obvious but nothing in my life has screamed to me queerplatonicism as much as lake and jesse like their qpr readings are off the fucking charts
#infinity train in general is for the aromantics. i've talked about this before (very poorly) but the way it handles romance#as in ''there rlly isnt any theres just characters and they interact naturally and sometimes that involves things that read as romantic''#tulip has 0 romance in her story. lake and jesse as stated before have crazy queerplatonic vibes.#grace and simon is probably the most romantic it gets and thats literally barely anything.#and ryan and min ofc have the classic homoerotic childhood friends thing going on.#its literally so good i dont know how to describe it but just. i think its the fact that like i said they're not treated as ''romances''#you can absolutely read them as such its very easy to. but theres nothing explicitly romantic about any of it#there's no discussion regarding any of these guys about crushes or dating or whatever. they just exist#its not necessarily the absence of romance. its just the removal of the label romance. i love it so so much#serena.txt#GAH i still feel like i didnt explain it properly. idk its really one of those things you just kinda Feel watching it
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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Larian has some kind of beef with the dark urge and I wish they'd just stop talking about them at all.
I can talk about them. People who write fanfic can talk about them. People who draw depraved art can talk about them.
You need to stop.
Please just keep adding Astarion lines, don't give anyone else any, and let the game be.
It's past the point of fixing, simply adding scenes won't fix the structural problems, and there's no use in being bothered by any of that now. Best selling game, and it's deserved and all, but.
This is your bed.
Lie in it.
And leave the dark urge be.
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#dark urge#yes im still angry#no i dont care that much#ill just be resigned to the fact that they just cant utilize this character#they just cant give them a character without taking away player agency#and thus the dark urge is doomed#and i think actually#that it wouldve been better if they didnt exist at all#if you couldnt commit to actually giving the dark urge consequences for their actions#then why bother having them at all#theres barely anything you can do as a dark urge that you cant already do as tav#just be an asshole tav and you can do just as many evil things as the dark urge#its actually baffling#your party doesnt leave you when you murder an innocent girl#your party doesnt leave you when you become an unholy assassin#they dont care if you become the chosen of bhaal#whats the point#they dont even react when you literally die in front of them being a hero#everything good about the dark urge has been created by the fans#and im sorry to say that but its the truth#theyre just not a developed character theyre not nearly as interesting as they should be#theyre a tragic character by design and yet most of the time theyre treated like an edgy joke#their dialogue options have no impact on anything#nothing that matters#its all such wasted potential i want to sigh
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🏥🦷
#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt#last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep#i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit#so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first#but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts ://#idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly#nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol#but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account#anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain#idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may#or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt..#i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not#if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw....#nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's#dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭#idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit#i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol#ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor#my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont#nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know.....#oh if only things were easy
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I know that peach game is like. For kids. Im SO aware of it. But its. So fucking cheap???? This is like the bloatware of nintendo games. What is going on here ???? Not to give nintendo even an ounce of credit…but they generally treat their main characters better than this. And especially after seeing mario wonder, its really obvious how poorly put together and boring this game is. Which is such a shame. Bc Super Princess Peach is right there. Go play that instead.
#chattin#i do NOT have the game; i havent bought a nintendo ip game in years (wonder was gifted to me)#i am watching my mom play it#this is a 60$ game…………#and its SO shoddy. no flair or glam or anything#the species they used for the staff is so bland#the font they used for alot of the reveals for her looks like block text they were supposed to replace w a better font#and peachs voice is SO stilted and like#not. nice to hear 😭#its a kids game but like. all of nintendos games for mario n peach and yoshi are made for kids#so its a bit of a cop out to use that as an excuse#in general games are getting less and less polish#and companies are spitting about poorly optimized barely functioning games at a higher cost#this game is like. SO small and SO short#and theres STILL insane load times and frame stuttering.#for a game that is essentially a glorified hide and seek popup book. its bad. its BAD#gameplay is like bizarrely unintuitive despite being so easy. no checkpoints for u to personally utilize; its only there for incase u die#barely anything is explained. and its like that by design bc it forces u to replay stages for 100%#for missing a crucial mechanic they WONT explain to u until the middle of the level#its very. bad. its cute! you could give this to a little kid who really liked peach and theyd like it#but its disappointing bc theres LOTS of cute kids games that feel like Actual games for them#spreading my super princess peach agenda. that game was cute….
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I am once again missing people so much that my heart aches
#its been like 2-3 years since ive seen them and i still cant get over seeing pictures of them with their friends and im just#not there...#even pictures from the times we lived together. i just wasnt there#i wasnt there for them at all. i was living life like a ghost#i barely left my room#i could never go with them to concerts or restaurants or anything because they knew id get overwhelmed because of my autism and chronic pain#so i just... never got invited anywhere. that still happens now#makes my life feels so painfully empty sometimes#theres so much i want to do. so much i wanted to do#none of the people i miss are dead so why does it still hurt so much? i could talk to them again if i wanted#... but i really can't. i really can't#it wont be the same. we'll still never reconnect. it hurts so much my heart physically aches#i wonder if they ever think about me
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