#theres actually a LOT more i wanted to talk abt but i.... ig i'll get more in-depth with those things in later posts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 1 year

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i wanna add more will wood's songs for julian because ig this is his kin artist now (i am SO NORMAL abt these songs and how it ties to julian's character)

cw for alcoholism, death, suicide

there will be mentions of his reversed ending too

Um, it's Kind of a Lot

"Oh, I love you so much it scares me half to death. the other half, I guess I'm giving to you"

"And I'm afraid you'll notice all my flaws. I'm afraid you already have, obviously"

"And I'm afraid I'll come on too strong, hold you too tight, and scare you too"

the last one is so julian i cant even

"But I never been afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve"

"At least to prove I'm weak, and if you cut me, I'll bleed"

i mean come on, look at that, its so perfectly julian i dont even have to explain

"I'll twist my words, a clever turn of phrase"

"Sorry, darling, please excuse my constant need to self-aggrandize. Coddling my narcissism"

we do not talk enough abt how julian also has that kind of like bravado but just not as bad as lucio's lmaoo

"So here's one last lyric to sum up these thoughts I struggled to come up with"

"To make me sound deep and smart, and then I promise I'll shut up"

"Wait, let me think, hold on, I got this"

"Anything but 'I'm in love with you'"

the third lyric is just the cherry on top, the unsure of it all and just kinda fumbling over your own words, its so julian

2012

"I was an existential criminal, so innocently cynical"

hes a fugitive!!

"Originally meant to live a God-damned miracle"

"Might've been metaphysical, but I think it was medical"

i think this could refer how he was literally dying from the plague and met the hanged man, so he was very close to dying or i think he did die and he came back with his mark (? idk tbh). well hes not dead now so it was a miracle but yk, julian is a skeptic so the line "but i think it was medical" fits him sooo much. hes a doctor! i'll take any medical related words and refs and align it with julian, ty.

"Testing my hypothesis"

"Never finding a theory"

i take back my last sentence. i'll take any science related words and refs and align it with julian, ty

"Did you lose yourself? It's always in the last place that you'd check"

julian talking to mc

"I might find myself by retracing my steps..."

"But I don't remember how I forgot myself"

"I don't remember, I don't remember 2012"

"Wow, the whole year's a blur!"

yea just change that to three years

"I think I bought into the comedy and brought a lot of oddity"

"An odyssey I thought to be consider a commodity"

"And not until anomaly abolished my monotony"

"Did I applaud autonomy and modify a lot of me"

i cant even break this one down tbh but the julian vibe is definitely there

"I heard the world would turn to hell"

"Compared to that, I'm doing well"

birblian cameo??!?! no but srsly i could see birblian going insane and gaslighting himself

The First Step

this is just an alcoholic song tbh...

"You could say I'm plastered, 'cause I hit the wall"

this is just a funny line tbh, not that deep, just julian hitting the wall like a cartoon

"I’d try to see the glass as half full"

"But I’d probably just a-drink that too!"

thats the alcoholic line. yk julian's a pessimistic, trying to see the glass half full instead of half empty but he'd probably drink that too

"Well I bet that a bottle of brandy so bitter’d be better than bitin’ the bullet and betterin’ myself"

"Sorry if I slur!"

if you listen to the song, will wood was actually slurring that first line. i have a hc that julian has two opposite talking mannerism. first one that he stutters (that part is canon) a lot and repeats his word. you get that or he slurs and talks so fast, theres no in between

"I’d try to see the glass as half full"

"Even when I'm empty, half-full"

"I’d try to see the glass as half full"

"But I’d probably just- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

this is just a bonus. i just want to include it

Half-Decade Hangover

this song RUINED me actually so heres some angst (i avoid this song even tho i love it sm its such a banger but i cry everytime i listen to it. i really recommend listening to the song just so u can hear just the raw emotions. i also recommend going to the genius lyric page bc will wood himself actually annotate some of the lyrics im im im sorry im fanboying rn)

"Wonder how I didn’t die"

"This is not my life, I’m no survivor, I only happened to survive"

ooooof... again, with the dying theme, my god

"I was drunk when I made my bed"

"Now with a half-decade hangover I lay down in it"

"What have I done? Don't know what I've said"

ooooww yikes, that last line is kinda like a double whammy. julian not remembering his last 3 years bc of that amnesia OR in the reversed ending, "what have i done" but in a regretful way its so sad too bc after he made that deal with the devil all he did was drink himself to - well not death but yk.

"Give back my life, and if not"

"Take it, 'cause lately I been thinking maybe I could take it or leave it"

"If I can’t at least break even, then I’m leaving when"

"I been feelin' this awful since I hit bottom and"

"Said, 'Hand me my shovel, I’m going in!'"

that two first line is julian confronting to the devil. "take it (my life)" that line hits me like a train bc it has been hinted that julian have quite the suicidal tendencies and that was BEFORE shit went down. imagine how worse it got after the whole deal with the devil and him being cursed. he fought the devil so many times... it makes me wonder if he also did it, hoping he would die in the process. also the last line is a reference to one of will wood's song "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" which a few ppl also recommend it for julian.

"Like it’s a good thing you said, 'You’ve got your whole life ahead'"

"Oh great, another half a century to live to regret"

"I’d rather be anybody else instead"

pretty forward with this one, this is depressing im sorry

"Please believe me when I say that I’ve poured my whole past down the drain"

thats pretty literally. he exchanged his memories of those three years for the healing mark

"Say that a second chance is a chance I can take"

"But I can’t make amends for things I can't remember"

"I can only say I'm sorry and occasionally pray"

he got a second chance to live, he no longer has the plague. also that second line, i mean julian traded the memories he didnt want so mustve thought he did something bad but now he cant really make amends bc he doesn't remember (not yet at least)

okay thats all, im sorry this was such a rollercoaster

@dandydanthelion :O the way you just broke down all those lyrics and fit them into his character, that was incredible and made so much sense!

It's not even a question at this point if they belong on the playlist (just added them) XD

Thank you for sending these friend! I always love to see your name pop up in my inbox ^.^

#ask arcana brainrot #arcana brainrot playlist #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #julian devorak #julian the arcana #the arcana game

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everythingsinred · 11 months

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for the writers ask- 8, 14, and 16!! :) <3

thanks so much for asking ;-; <3

8) Do you take inspiration from real life? If so how do you incorporate it into your fics? sometimes... i take my experiences of universal feelings (like the things i do when im VERY happy or VERY sad and then apply them to characters). characters like natsume (like. loners. etc.) are characters i relate to a lot so i can cherry pick little experiences ive had and fashion them to fit them. i never use the specific way i was abused (tmi) in my writing ever but the feelings that come from it are pretty common after being hurt, so i like to use those. ig long story short i keep the emotional part of my own experiences but discard the specifics.

14) What is something you wrote in a fic that you are hoping readers picked up on but you don't know if they did? And/or, what is something that you were excited that readers did pick up on? im primarily thinking abt all things rancid and delicate rn bc i think that one garnered a lot of attention compared to my other ga fics and also since it was one i put a lot of artistic effort into...

anyway i was very lucky, especially for that fic, that i had a couple of readers who would comment long reviews, discussing p much everything that stood out to them or even quoting passages they liked, so i could see what people were paying special attention to. when im writing i like to do extended metaphors or running themes that keep threads connected. in atrad specifically, there was the heart thing, though that was pretty obvious.

i think in subjectives, i want to imply that theres feelings OTHER than hatred between natsume and mikan because. well. its a romance fic. so i was happy to see comments pointing out that, even tho there was nothing specifically alluding to it, my readers were noticing that there was smth more there! lovely <3

(not in a fic but i wrote a line once that was supposed to be a metaphor i was very proud of but when my mom read it she took it seriously and was like ???? THAT REALLY HAPPENED? and idk if its bc she just didnt catch on or if the metaphor wasnt as well-written as i would have liked.)

16) Do you have a method for getting characters to sound/feel in character? i rly wish i had a more concrete way to put this...

i think its really crucial to have an understanding of the character: what they want, what they fear, their relationships with others, etc--both in the fic and in canon. try to keep the important features that stand out in the characters so they resemble the canon version. (for mikan, for example, that tends to be her optimism, friendliness, and kindness, but also her quick temper and occasionally unreasonable nature and for natsume, his impatience with most people, tendency to be curt and evasive, disillusionment with life in general, etc.)

its key not to stray from those more staple characteristics, even in au, but they can be stretched to fit a role (and this is just keeping them in character from the canon. sometimes ooc is the goal).

sometimes ill just stare at actual art from the manga, like a panel of natsume or mikan or somebody, and think abt lines of dialogue or certain actions, and i'll ask myself if i can see that character saying that or doing that. usually this method just makes me feel rly weird abt writing abt them at all, tho, so its more of a control method rather than some critical part of my process.

yeah ig its just understanding the character in canon and how those traits are reflected in ur fic and keeping those key traits consistent.

thanks so much for asking these questions <3 talking abt writing is a surreal experience for me bc it sometimes feels like very little concrete thought is put into it but its fun to remove the process from abstract ideas so thank u!!!!

send me a fic writing ask if you would like!

#crimsoncitrus #answered #ask games #all things rancid and delicate #subjectives #ga #idk how to tag im just winging it mostly

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alterlifes-a · 7 years

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headcanon. tooru + bpd

stardust. hoo boy, where to start with this one… as you can tell ( and as i have mentioned countless times before ), i am not the best at articulation, so i intend to kinda just jump into things from the get-go. but hi, hello ! this is a post about tooru's bpd, which i've been meaning to rewrite for a long time. i made my first post about it over a year ago, and i feel like some things might have changed from that, especially since establishing tooru's own bpd actually led me to discovering that i have it, as well. thus, as opposed to writing it from a third-person perspective, as i did initially, i'm going to be connecting a lot with my own experiences / feelings. therefore, this post might be a bit touchy for those of you who empathize with these kinds of emotions. as always, i encourage you to read this only if you can—your health is so much more important than a post about a fictional character. you are not obligated to read this post, and while i would appreciate it if people did, as it talks a lot about my muse's struggles, i understand wholeheartedly if you are unable to, for your own reasons. i love you and support your decision !! for those of you who can read these kinds of subjects, then please, click the read more !

okay, for simplicity's sake, i will be dividing this post into different sections. as such, feel free to hit that ctrl / cmmd + f button if you want to skip to a certain part !

n. preface i. what is bpd ? ii. symptoms that tooru exhibits iii. symptoms explored thoroughly iv. end note

n. preface

alright, i want to first off note that a lot of how i explain bpd + its symptoms, especially apropos to tooru, are derived from my own personal experience, as was stated above. part of the reason why i do this is honestly because rp'ing a muse that shares the same mental illnesses as me helps a lot because i'm a huge empathizer, and thus tend to use my own feelings in order to learn about a topic more thoroughly than if i were to just research it ( coincidentally, this huge bout of empathy is because of my bpd ). i want to highlight this part in particular because bpd is different for everyone experiencing it; it's a personality disorder, but it's also a cluster b disorder, which i find to be particularly hard in terms of defining specific symptoms / feelings for, just because of how these emotions can be felt on a huuuuge spectrum. for example, one symptom is the fear of abandonment, which takes on aspects of paranoia—already, you can tell that this is something that encompasses a large area: some people may deal with this by being (possibly over)protective, others deal with this by gifting their friends a lot of things, and others may guilt-trip ( though this is, oftentimes, inadvertent ). aside from asserting the fact that every experience of bpd is going to be subjective and they all vary heavily ( especially because there's 9 symptoms, but you only need to have 5 in order to be medically diagnosed, which means that you're never, ever going to have two like cases of bpd ), i also want to say that bpd is, and pardon my language here, a CLUSTERFUCK in terms of how it's treated, both in society and even sometimes amongst psychologists / therapists. take the example i used above ( fear of abandonment ); while i did list some behaviours that stem from that symptom, a lot of them were things that appear a little more positive ( such as making things for people in exchange for approval / attention / love ). unfortunately, given the negative stigma surrounding bpd, the common narrative even within official resources are that these symptoms are going to appear in an extremely destructive / negative light. i am, of course, in no way saying that bpd is all sunshine and rainbows—because it really, really isn't. what i'm insinuating is that there is more than one way to exhibit a symptom, and i disapprove of the demonizing way with which some sources list examples of portraying certain symptoms ( like for example, the website i used to look up symptoms for parts ii and iii of this post listed the fear of abandonment in the form of blocking people from leaving, begging, starting fights, and at one point, even said you might STALK the person to keep them from abandoning you ). I DON'T LIKE THIS APPROACH AT ALL, because while some behaviours which derive from these symptoms can be damaging, there are also more subtle, neutral ways that you may exhibit them ( again, pointing to my hypothetical situation of being protective of someone—this can become part of the " fear of abandonment " symptom because you're scared of losing them—thus, you tend to worry, and are paranoid if you're unsure about their safety ). additionally, i think it all depends on context; some behaviours may be negative if the situation doesn't call for it, while it sometimes can be seen as a good thing, and exhibiting that behaviour associated with that symptom actually helped that person. i'll touch base on this as best as i can when explaining tooru's symptoms, as well.

TL;DR: what i'm going to be talking about is entirely SUBJECTIVE, as bpd and what encompasses it are things based mostly on emotions. as such, what i say ONLY relates to tooru, and is probably not applicable to others in the exact same way.

now onto the nitty gritty:

i. what is bpd ?

this is gonna be really simple and basic. i'm really only putting this here so people who may not exactly know about bpd are aware of what exactly it is, but i am in no way a psychologist. i do know a lot ( at least i hope i do lol ) about this disorder due to actually having it, but again, my experience is not the same as others + i'm the type to talk out of experience because i find being able to empathize makes things easier for me to understand. if anything, i recommend you research it yourself, both because my way of explaining things might not fit your style of learning, and because, if you don't know much about this disorder, i think it's worth learning about. bpd, or borderline personality disorder, is a cluster b personality disorder ( a group that includes antisocial personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder ), and can be characterized by extremes; that is, when it comes to relationships, self-image, etc., you tend to be unstable in terms of your perception / feelings surrounding these things. and it's not a case of mood swings, or the like, either: bpd is LITERALLY going from point a to z / 0 to 100 in a snap ( note: something usually triggers this to occur, but it does tend to happen in a burst ). unlike bipolar disorder, which bpd may often be misdiagnosed as, fluctuations in borderlines are often extreme, yet short, even happening within the span of a day. meanwhile with bipolar disorder, you often experience these mood changes for a longer time—sometimes even weeks, or months. unfortunately, due to it usually happening in such strong fits, bpd can be hard to manage, so a lot of strain is put on the person who has it. again, this is really just a simple explanation, and i feel like a lot of what the disorder is kind of lost, since i am going by typical DSM / google definitions of it, since it is based heavily on emotion. but the basic gist is that it's relationship-driven and very "black-and-white" due to people with bpd often going from point a to z in an instant. more explained in parts ii and iii, which is beginning… now !

ii. symptoms that tooru exhibits

as the name suggests, i'm going to be highlighting what symptoms of bpd tooru has, as well as explanations for what this may encompass. since this is just a basic descriptor for each symptom, part iii is where i'm really going to be getting into how tooru may act out these symptoms, as well as link them to aspects of his life which may have caused / are causing them to manifest.

o1. fear of abandonment — this one is pretty straightforward, and is arguably one of the things that bpd structures its backbone upon. people with bpd are absolutely terrified at the prospect of being left alone / abandoned, and even situations where a loved one is late for a planned meeting ( or something akin to that ) may trigger feelings of intense paranoia / anxiety ( again, as i will say over and over, this is just a hypothetical scenario, and is definitely not something that happens to everyone ). when it comes to this symptom, people with bpd may do different things in order to keep this abandonment—whether threatened or perceived—from happening. this includes doing things like clinging, guilt-tripping ( as mentioned before, this often happens before you even realize it. of course, this doesn't mean it's okay, but i want to get that out, nonetheless ), checking up on them, asking them where they're going if they suddenly get up to leave without notice, worrying over their health / safety if you're not physically with them, as well as many others.

o2. unstable perception of relationships — this ties in with a term known as " splitting ", which i will get to later, but when you have bpd, since you can often slip into a black-and-white mentality, the way you see your relationships with people can shift violently. this may apply to just one relationship, or it can apply to multiple. this can be seen when people with bpd get attached to others quickly, and are thus often left disappointed when the person turns out to not be who they thought they were. connecting this with splitting, it can also manifest as you going through the motions of idealizing and rejecting a relationship, with no in between. your friendship with x is either wonderful or terrible. your romantic relationship with y is either amazing, and the both of you are in love, or you're paranoid that the other suddenly hates you / you suddenly begin to dislike them, yourself.

o3. unclear / unstable self-image — this is kind of related to the above, except it comes to how you see yourself. you tend to lose grip of who you are as a person, thus there are times when you're fine / confident with your self-identity, while other times can see you doubting every action you take, and believing that you are a terrible person. this also incorporates the black-and-white disposition, since you often have times accepting the fact that you are multifaceted, and can thus be a good, yet flawed, person. there is none of that: merely that you are either wholly good or wholly evil. this also encompasses other things. for example, you may have trouble deciding on what to do in the future, or your values / goals in life may change. for example, i often struggle with my major in university, as i changed what i wanted to do every year of high school, and even now, i tend to question whether or not social work is something i want to do. it's very frustrating, especially because outside of these crises that i go through, i know that i'm pretty rational. i understand i'm not perfect, but i also take pride in the fact that i am / want to be a good person, and am always trying to improve myself. however, when these moments do hit, i feel very violently negative towards who i am, essentially shoving all this rationality / calm-minded thinking out the window in 0.3 seconds flat.

o4. chronic feelings of emptiness — tin can in terms of what this is. you feel like you are nothing / are worthless. put simply, it's as if there is a void in you that can only be filled by doing certain things. you can also feel as if you are that void ( that sounds really edgy, i know, but i swear i'm not trying to word it that way ) and the only way to make yourself " whole " again is to receive validation from others. this often leads to you craving attention / love from people, because once you receive it, you begin to feel like you are worth something. however, this feeling is often short-lived, and you begin to feel empty once more. it feels almost like a perpetual cycle.

o5. impulsive, self-destructive behaviour / unhealthy coping mechanisms — this can tie into the emptiness listed above ( at least for tooru, it does ). basically, you want a form of sensation. if you list this apropos to feeling empty, you could be doing these destructive behaviours in order to prove to yourself that you are still capable of feeling anything, whether it be emotion or pain. these behaviours can be: spending money on things you may not need / don't have money for, engaging in dangerous ( unprotected ) sex*, driving recklessly, and many others. basically, they're short moments that you can get a " high " off of, but in the long term, can heavily impact your mental / physical wellbeing and health.

o6. self-harm / suicidal behaviour — this is self-explanatory, and i personally don't want to get into specifics with this topic because it does make me a little uncomfortable ( though i will touch upon it later on in part iii ). but this does occur, and may sometimes be coupled with the above, though they are not entirely the same.

o7. extreme emotional swings — basically covered in part i. to reiterate what's most important: what separates this symptom from the same symptoms of depression and bipolar is that these swings last a few minutes or hours, while the others can last for days, weeks, or even months. o8. explosive anger — you may tend to burst out in anger / be temporarily blinded by rage and frustration. while this may manifest outwardly ( i.e. via yelling, screaming, or throwing things ), it can also be internalized ( i.e. anger at yourself ). you're unable to control your emotions, and more often than not, these bouts of rage are due to keeping them bottled up. i know for me, this takes on that form, since i know that exploding in front of someone for something small ( because even the littlest of things can kind of set you off when you bottle all your feelings up ) isn't fair for that person. while they may be understanding because it is a symptom, i don't like doing it. i did ( and arguably still do, though it's better now ) have anger-management issues in the past, and it's really not fun. i'm speaking out of experience, but i do believe that sometimes, this explosive temper may be what i call a " learnt abuse "; you experienced this at home via parents who would get angry at every little thing, and now the only reaction you know how to emit when frustrated at something is also destructive anger.

* this can also be hypersexuality, though since it is another mental illness on its own, i see it more so as hypersexuality taking form as part of a symptom ?? if that makes sense ?? that is to say, you cannot separate hypersexuality from bpd for people who use sex as a self-destructive coping mechanism.

the last symptom is dissociation, but that's kind of confusing in terms of how it can be applied to tooru, since the entire narrative of my canon for him is that he knows he shouldn't exist, and this is FACT. so it's really less so dissociation ( even though it technically is ) and moreso just him being hyper-aware as to what the nature of his existence is.

iii. symptoms explored thoroughly

now onto actually attaching all of these descriptors and explanations to tooru. i'll be highlighting how he acts out these symptoms, as well as what may have caused them to appear. i do tend to rationalize and connect everything, so don't be surprised if many things begin to overlap. numbers will correlate to the ones listed above, so symptom o1 in this part will be the same as o1 in part ii. also please note that while fp's ( favourite person ) are something that people with bpd usually have, i don't think tooru really has any in his canon. this changes, of course, because i'm rp'ing him, and his fp does usually end up being whomever he's shipped with in a romantic sense, but for the sake of keeping this post to just his canon, i won't be referring to any fp stuff. if you want to know what an fp is, for those who don't know, i recommend reading this article about it and looking it up, yourself, as i can't really do the term justice by explaining it, myself. also, my explanation can be really in-depth at times, so i'd rather… not spam this entire post with just my own definition of fp's.

o1. fear of abandonment — basically what makes the crux of his experience with bpd, tooru is deathly afraid of being abandoned. he gets very paranoid that this is going to happen, and, tied with symptom o3, this is due to the fact that he doesn't think he's a good person. thus, he tries his best to get people to stay with him. this often actually manifests in actions / behaviours that are generally seen as positive. as such, people may not notice that his intentions, while derived from a genuine form of care for them, part of why he does these things is because he doesn't want them to leave him. these are things that tooru may do to ensure that someone doesn't abandon him: buy them things ( he does this A LOT, given the fact that he comes from a rich family, and his parents give him as much money as he wants ), make them things ( he doesn't think he's too talented in terms of crafts or baking, but he does believe that handmade items are more cherishable than something store bought ), text or message them a lot ( not to an obsessive amount, of course, but maybe something such as sending a positive message everyday, or just checking up on them ), being protective, almost always to the point of (s)mothering them ( he likes being a mom to people; it makes him feel good to see others happy, and also because he wants to provide to them the parental figure that he never received in life. this goes doubly for if their parents are abusive, as well ), and may lead to possible guilt-tripping. the last one, however, is always unintentional; tooru tends to go through lots of moments of uncertainty, so he'll often say things that he believes are true, but is unaware of how they could be used to guilt-trip the other ( for example, let's say you scheduled an event with him. if you suddenly had to go, he may make a comment about how he was really looking forward to hanging out. another example is him possibly degrading himself; while he does believe it, this kind of behaviour can be used to get people to feel bad for you, so i still think it's a form of unintentional guilt-tripping ). of course, if / when he realizes how that can be perceived as him trying to get you to stay, he'll apologize. i think a lot of his character derives from this fear, to be honest. or rather, there's a weird dichotomy that tooru sets up within himself: is he kind because he has to be in order to get those that he loves to stay, or is he kind because that's just who he is as a person? but if it's the latter, then is he kind as a person because he wants people to like him? or is it because of his own need to be kind? he does tend to overthink almost everything he does, so a lot of his actions are usually followed up with this line of logic. this also ties in with self-identity issues ( o3 ). the reason why tooru feels so fearful towards the prospect of being abandoned is because of his parents. in this headcanon, i explained the basic gist of what his family life was like growing up, and what it is now. but basically, his parents ignored him when he was a child, and thus, the only family member he formed any sort of bond with was his older brother, kaito. however, when tooru was 11, kaito suddenly left in order to move in with his girlfriend, whom he'd gotten pregnant. thus, tooru is deathly scared of getting attached to someone, only to have them suddenly leave him. it's also why he has such a perfectionist attitude; he believes that the more perfect he presents himself, the more likely it is that that person won't leave him. he also gets very paranoid when you try to leave without making any indication of your intentions ( so if you were to suddenly get up while watching a movie with him and give no explanation as to why, his first thought would instantly be " oh my gosh they've gotten bored of me and now they're leaving ", as opposed to " oh, they're probably getting a snack " ), and thus will ask you where you are going, perhaps even with a sort of franticness to his tone—something that is rather uncharacteristic of him, since he tends to be calm and level-headed, or peppy.

o2. unstable perception of relationships — this one is more or less explained in part ii. tooru tends to get infatuated with people REALLY quickly. this ties in a lot with his romanticization, as well. tooru is full of love. his entire existence is arguably centred around the notion. thus, he finds it hard to believe that some people are incapable of being good; while it may be true that everyone harbours love in their hearts, minuscule as it may be, it is also true that these kinds of people are also very self-serving, and often use others to get what they want. this can be really dangerous for tooru, as he lets his romanticization oftentimes get in the way of seeing clearly. however ( and this is tied with his anger issues ), if he finds out that you're just using him, he can get very angry, very quickly. the same goes for if you ever do something to make him extremely upset ( i can't think of anything right now, since tooru doesn't have a lot of things that he would blow up about ?? but one example would be if you made a joke about one of his insecurities even though you know that it's an insecurity of his ). this doesn't happen as often with genuine relationships, but tooru will have moments where he wonders if the other party actually likes him or not. this also is encompassed in bouts of paranoia wherein he convinces himself that they hate him. i think this goes especially when you have a close tie with him—whether it be a very deep friendship or even a romantic relationship. he begins to question why you've stayed with him for so long, if you want something from him, or if he's even good enough for you. this is in stark contrast to how he usually is: i.e. bubbly, affectionate, etc. of course, a lot of this is internalized, as he does acknowledge that this is due in part to his bpd. however, it doesn't help ease the paranoia, especially since he fears that bringing it up will cause the person to actually hate him if they didn't already. this " we have the perfect relationship " / " they hate me " mentality is referred to as splitting, and it's something observed in a lot of pd's. a good article about it is this one, which specifically talks about a person's experience with splitting in relation to bpd, and i recommend giving it a read, since it explains it much better than i can. i'll be talking about it a little more in o3, as well. visually speaking, i see this as a gradient between black and white, with one being negative, and the other, positive. the greys in between are essentially that, with some things being neutral, or mostly bad, instead of just being clear-cut good/bad. however, splitting causes the person to only see the black and white; all other shades are cut out, thus rendering them unable to see the greys. since a lot of this just stems from bpd as a whole, i can only really guess where this particular paranoia / fluctuation of perceptions may come from. tooru's never had many friends, and the one relationship he did have was very intense, and also ended in a similar fashion: tumultuous, extreme… you get the point. as such, tooru seriously has no idea how a relationship is supposed to go down; all he knows of is what he's experienced, and since he only has one friend who's been a constant in his life and hasn't abandoned or used him, tooru's understanding of how relationships work is paramount to why he may act oddly or appear to be extremely affectionate. he legitimately has no idea how they're supposed to work, apart from the friendship he has with arata, said friend he's been able to maintain a healthy relationship with.

o3. unclear / unstable self-image — to put things bluntly, tooru has no idea who he is. how he sees himself fluctuates so wildly that it physically tires him. as mentioned in o1, tooru tends to overthink everything he does. in relation to his bpd, this is because of the lack of experience when it comes to how to act around people ( o2 ). obviously, this doesn't demean his ability to play the part: he can, and is good with, acting out how he thinks he's supposed to behave in a social environment. tooru is by no means an idiot, either. while he can be ditzy, tooru tends to obfuscate stupidity ( and oftentimes obliviousness, but 9 times out of 10, his obliviousness is genuine; he's smart, but he's not all that great at picking things up right off the bat ). since tooru desperately wants the approval of others, this unstable self-image can also manifest itself via him pretending to be someone he's not in order to impress another. tooru is an empath ( notably, he's a hyper-empath; he literally takes emotions from others + his surroundings and makes them his own )—a huge thing when it comes to bpd, since, as i said, it's an emotion-driven personality disorder. as such, he is very sensitive to whatever atmosphere / aura a person may give off, and picks up on / is influenced by it as a result. thus, if tooru is with a muse who is loud, he tends to be loud, as well. if he's with a muse who is reserved, tooru is much more humble. while he, as a person, is both at once ( meaning that he can be the boisterous teenager that he is, or just the shy, traditionally-styled boy that he is at home / in quiet situations ), this adaptability, unfortunately, also lends its hand into his inability to figure himself out. tying again into other symptoms, this is how tooru splits: mainly on matters revolving himself. while he does tend to have his " they said one thing and i'm not sure if they're joking so i'm paranoid they hate me now " moments of splitting in relationships, a majority of the times he splits is because he's having severe identity issues. he really has no idea who he is, so he tries so hard to get insight from others ( " i'm a good person, right ? " or even more subtly so, " you think i'm ___ ? how so ? :0 " ). this constant need for validation from others is what he more or less constructs his identity on. if he notices that a certain behaviour or tic makes you happy, chances are, he'll stick to it.

o4. chronic feelings of emptiness — kind of self-explanatory. due to constantly splitting in terms of self-image, tooru has moments where he feels empty / as if he's nothing because he doesn't know who he is. this ties in a lot with his depression, and this also presents itself in the form of suicidal thoughts, as well as a general nihilism towards his existence. it's the " why am i even here " sort of thinking, one that quickly turns drastic if you leave it running unchecked. this also incorporates slight bits of tooru's canon into it, because tooru knows he's an OC; he knows he's an existence that shouldn't be, and that both is the reason behind his feelings of emptiness / homesickness ( what with him wanting to go back to the universe / not live such a tragic human existence anymore ) and also the cause ( i.e. in all of his lives, this realization that he doesn't belong metaphysically is what leads him to a despair event horizon ).

o5. impulsive, self-destructive behaviour / unhealthy coping mechanisms — i won't get too much into detail, but tooru is impulsive by nature, already. so this, coupled with the dangerous effect that bpd has, is really bad for his health—especially because, as i said, he is the type to overthink and regret everything he says or does. while he will beat himself up for even the smallest of mistakes when he's having a breakdown, a lot of his self-destructiveness comes from his hypersexuality. while not as bad as it used to be, tooru does engage in dangerous sexual activities from time to time ( though this is rare ). a lot of what he used to do, though, was during his second year in high school ( so from 16-17 years old ), as he had just come out of an abusive relationship. sex helped him cope with the trauma, but again, it was not a healthy coping mechanism, especially since he merely used it as a tool to make himself momentarily forget about everything. tooru also used it as a way to keep himself grounded, in that the sensation / feeling of another helped him reaffirm the fact that he was not empty ( o4 ). while he doesn't engage in dangerous sexual acts anymore, tooru now finds solace in cigarettes. again, not a good coping mechanism, but he needs something to fill in the emptiness he often feels when lonely, and substance usually does just that. another thing he might do is spend a frivolous amount of money on things like video games or books, and while it may not seem bad, tooru is a very schedule / routine-oriented person, so he tends to just buy things for friends or for himself only when he wants to reward himself for something, such as getting a huge project done early. despite his wealth, tooru does try to be money-conscious, so any veer off of this trait is a huge indicator that something may not be right.

o6. self-harm / suicidal behaviour — also something i won't be touching on too much, since it is a sensitive topic, both in general, and for me. but due to his nature in canon, tooru does kill himself in every timeline he's lived in. it's what happens when he realizes he stole someone else's existence to live his own; the guilt literally kills him. this ties in with o4, as well, because he feels like he has no purpose in the world. he has no friends, his family doesn't seem to care much for him… he truly is almost all alone. his self-harm, meanwhile, isn't entirely physical. while he does tend to burn himself using matches / his cigarettes ( hence why he wears bandages or covers his hands with makeup ), a lot of his self-harm is emotional / mental, which makes it all the more difficult to notice. he overthinks things, he beats himself up for little mistakes, he revisits traumatic memories, etc, etc… and these things are hard to notice / recover from. you can watch a burn or scar heal—perhaps not entirely, yes, but it will, nonetheless—but emotional damage, i think, is harder to gauge because you cannot physically see it.

o7. extreme emotional swings — something tooru has been trying to keep in check, but yes, he does experience these. they tie in with his aforementioned impulsivity, but also when he splits. when tooru goes through these emotional swings, he experiences them very violently. however, as mentioned, they only last for a few minutes, or at the very most, hours. he often calms himself down before anything really bad happens, and he is trying his best to keep a rational mind, even when he is having a breakdown. it's hard, but you kind of learn how to do these things by yourself after being alone for so long.

o8. explosive anger — also something he keeps in check. i wouldn't say tooru shows his anger easily, but he does get peeved / irritated more often than you'd think. he acknowledges that this is due to his trauma / mental illness, and usually enlists the help of breathing exercises that he's learnt while doing kyudo in order to help. what will set him off, though, is poking fun at his trauma or home life, especially if you know what it's like. another thing that'll make him angry at you ( and justifiably so ) is if you mock his gender identity or sexuality. if you really want to make him angry, then ridicule his friends in front of him. that's more or less the only time that he'll allow himself to explode because he does not like that. this is intertwined with his selflessness, as he won't defend himself ( he's very passive ) but he will defend his friends / loved ones to the ends of the earth. notably, his anger is almost never externalized. it’s mostly internalized, and therefore directed at himself, making it harder to see that he does deal with anger-management issues. this anger derives from abuse at the hands of his parents; whenever tooru didn't perform as well as they wanted him to, especially in academics, they would get angry. this form of learnt abuse was absorbed by him, due to his hyper-empathy, and because he was only a kid at the time, and so he does get upset more quickly than one would think. but as i said, he knows it's his own problem, and he feels terribly guilty whenever he explodes at someone, so he does try his best to keep it in line.

iv. end note

okay, i'll keep this brief, but if you made it all the way through, then thank you so much !! i know this isn't an easy topic to read through, so i appreciate it. if you merely skimmed through, i am still grateful. i didn't really tackle this as thoroughly as i would have liked to, but i hope this post gives a little insight on how tooru's bpd works. if you have any questions, or if you think i'm writing something incorrectly, please don't be afraid to contact me !! i hope you have a lovely day, and i love you lots ! <3

#UGH FINALLY DSLKFMSKFLM I HAVE THIS DONE MSKLFMS #abuse mention /#mental illness /#trauma mention /#self harm /#UMMM ASK TO TAG . tbh there;s a lot so #theres actually a LOT more i wanted to talk abt but i.... ig i'll get more in-depth with those things in later posts #ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴜᴘ ɪ'ᴍ ʀᴜ ɪ'ᴍ 18 ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜ*ᴄᴋɪɴɢ ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ☆ ( ooc post. )#hc .#ᴍʏ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴊᴏʙ ɪs ᴄʀʏɪɴɢ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴏᴏʀᴜ; ᴍʏ ғᴜʟʟ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴊᴏʙ ɪs sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʜɪᴍ ☆ ( meta. )

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mariaiscrafting · 3 years

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ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues. My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way. Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand. Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

#ive been writing this on and off since 830 am est SHEESH #dreamwastaken #dream critical #eh i think im relatively lenient of him here given my past posts ab him #but still just in case the blacklist tags for yalls convenience:#discourse #/neg #asks #long post #long posts #this a LONG one bois #morango

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