#theres a lot of kindness and warmth in this ask that i appreciate and only want to spin back to friends. i hope they can feel it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arysthaeniru · 4 years ago

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aAAA the joy of seeing an update on your current favorite fanfic is just aAAA

I always felt that kiwami 1s Nishiki was just a bit too,, I dont know how to describe it; but essentially he just felt off, granted yakuza 1 is a product of its time and therefore the plot is a bit dated and whack as all hell

The way you write Nishiki just feels so much better and realistic; in the original he just seems so uncaring towards Kiryu? which just feels kinda OOC? You'd think he still cares about Kiryu despite it all, especially when you take Yakuza 0 into consideration; and i feel like you portray Nishiki much more accurately

I never thought much about Yumi, because honestly, in the original she was kinda just, there? You actually made her a very interesting person! like I'm actually invested in her in your story! (side note you ever think about her clone who got tortued and died? yeah who WAS that???? thats never brought up is it??)

Theres so much more to talk about but in short; This is the best fix it/rewrite of a game plot I have read to date and it brings me joy in my current stressful school life. and no I will not stop praising it or the author, because this work has made me very happy. ;)

I just have a gift for picking favorites that end up dying,,aand another favorite of mine is Mine

imo theres a lack of soft, reassuring Minedai, i just feel like he'd need a reminder that people love him as a person and not just for the money he can provide, even if its obvious

I'd love to see how you'd write them, but I understand if theres more interesting/appealing drabble requests!

- Carp

CARP, thank you for this <3 this is so sweet!!!!! I’m so happy you enjoy my Nishiki! I had fun playing with what Yakuza 0/the Kiwami additions gave us about Nishiki’s personality and outlook on the world, and trying to reconcile that with the plot that Yakuza 1 initially had. Ultimately, I fell on the side that you did: even if Nishiki’s ambition took him down a monstrous path, I don’t think he’s the sort of person who neglects to pay back his debts. And he’s aware of the huge debt he owes Kiryu. Not to mention, their bonds of trust and love vanishing completely because of jealousy felt unreal to me. Their relationship becoming twisted or strange? Yes, but vanishing entirely felt unsatsifying to me.

And Yumi!! I had so much fun excavating her character from the clues we get of her in canon. I worry sometimes, that she’s unrecognizable, because you know, I’ve given her a college education, and a whole bunch of interests beyond hostessing alone, but people seem to like it and like her, which is great!! I hate fridging women characters, so keeping her and Reina alive was important to me, hahaha. (RE: fake!Mizuki, there’s this substory in Kiwami that actually addresses who she was, BUT IT’S EVEN MORE HORRIFYING. So that’s why Yumi in my fic is the one captured and tortured by Nishiki’s men, because the thought of this poor innocent woman getting dragged into the mess was just untenable to me.)

Anyway, thank you for your support and kind words, and I hope you’ll continue to read and that my fic can continue to relieve stress. I--tried to write this about Mine, but Daigo kind of stole the spotlight a little??? I hope you still like it--if not, I will try a ficlet from Mine’s perspective too. I enjoy minedai a lot, but I haven’t had room to think out their dynamic yet, so this took me a while.

Daigo’s no stranger to being desired. He’s attractive, he knows this—his mother’s beauty lives in his veins, and he’s always had the money to look after himself. Fancy soaps to wash his face, the invisible retainers to keep his teeth straight, fancy suits and skin-tight shirts to show off his frame. For all that Kiryu insists his charisma is something that comes from the soul, Daigo knows it wouldn’t be able to draw the sort of attention he does without being attractive.

Which is to say that Daigo’s not especially thrown off by the intensity of Mine’s gaze. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. The thing that surprises him is how much he relishes in being seen by Mine.

Maybe it’s because Mine’s an island in a stormy sea, one of the only yakuza his age who’s sensible and level-headed enough to make it big. Maybe it’s because Mine’s gaze is always so reserved, polite, never overly lusty or overstaying its welcome, and Daigo has so rarely been desired so quietly. Or maybe it’s because Majima and Kashiwagi so clearly disapprove of him—Daigo’s always been something of a rebel, and he hasn’t shaken that off, even now he’s in his thirties and is the arbiter of rules for the Tojo Clan.

Daigo can’t quite put a pin on why he’s so comfortable with Mine’s yearning looks, but he’s never been one to hold back when he wants to indulge in something good. Not exactly a hedonist, not by yakuza standards, but Daigo has never kept himself from enjoying life, in the name of some dubious ‘honour.’

Which is why, in an after-hours meeting with Mine, as they eat cheap takeout sushi together, Daigo takes his chance. A momentary slip, the slightest hint of wasabi left at the corners of Mine’s lips and Daigo swoops in, rubs a thumb over the corner of Mine’s lips. Mine stutters to a stop, mid-sentence through a rundown of the real-estate that the Hakuho Clan’s been purchasing up, and stares at Daigo, eyes bewildered.

“Sixth Chairman?” he asks, his voice still remarkably composed.

“Wasabi.” Daigo says, nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing, and sticks his thumb into his mouth, slowly licking it off with a lingering lave of his tongue. He feels a sharp stab of satisfaction as Mine’s eyes turn darker, and his gaze follows Daigo’s hand down.

Daigo straightens up, languidly, and cracks his neck, casually. At this point in the day, he’s untucked his shirt, and he knows that a slight strip of his stomach will be visible when he stretches out his arms towards the ceiling. And as predictably as clockwork, Mine’s gaze darts downwards, to that pale expanse, to catch that brief second of skin. Daigo can’t help but feel warm. Something about being watched by Mine is exhilarating.

“Smoke?” offers Daigo, but as usual, Mine refuses, with a polite shake of his head.

Daigo knows from hearsay that Mine’s something a health-freak, so he’s not entirely surprised. It’s already too late for Daigo to preserve his health—he knows that his liver’s already been pretty ruined from long nights of binge-drinking as a youth, and this job’s too stressful to withhold from vices like smoking and drinking, without an optimal end-goal. So he walks over to the window, cracks it open a little, and lights up.

The breath of nicotine curls over his body, a tender caress, and Daigo feels his shoulders drop, as the relaxation hits. He pulls off his cufflinks, tosses them into his pockets and rolls up his sleeves. He takes it slow, runs his fingers over his skin a little more than strictly necessary. Surreptitiously checking the reflection in the window, Daigo watches Mine watch him, and smirks at how intense that gaze is, how Mine’s mouth has opened, and Daigo can just see the soft pink of his tongue.

“Dojima’s just fine, you know. When it’s just us two.” Daigo says, turning over his shoulder. He smiles, one of those charming smiles that had always gotten him whatever he wanted as a child, “We’re same-aged friends, after all.”

“Dojima-san.” Mine acknowledges, after a brief pause.

Daigo turns around, to properly look at Mine and lifts an eyebrow. “Dojima. Or Daigo, preferably. Dojima-san’s always my father in my head.”

Mine nods, face impassive. Daigo can’t read him like this. Maybe that’s why he likes when Mine stares at him, filled with longing. At least then, Daigo feels like he knows him. In moments like these, his implacable gazes might as well be a brick wall. “Right. Your Father was also in the Tojo Clan.”

Daigo smiles, wryly, and blows out a puff of smoke. “One of the most horrible men I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting—and I had to call him Father. But damn if he wasn’t good at the job.” He sighs and stubs the cigarette out against the ashtray. “...sometimes feel like I’m competing with his dead spirit. Everybody’s looking at me and wondering if this is what my Father would do. Or what Kiryu-san would do.”

“You’re doing better than any of them.” Mine says, immediately, with a vicious ferocity that Daigo wasn’t expecting. He can’t quite stop his eyebrows rising in surprise, and Mine straightens upwards, looking self-conscious immediately. Daigo regrets his instinctual reaction, immediately. “That is to say, Dojima, that I think that you’ve pulled this Clan into somewhere far more respectable. From what I’ve heard of your Father, he didn’t have the temperament to do proper business on this level—too insistent on formal obeisance and unable to be flexible as the times require. And Kiryu-san might be very honourable, but we are yakuza. There are certain things you have to do as a Chairman, that he couldn’t bring himself to do. But you are practical and do what is necessary, while also not overstepping into excessive violence. You are uniquely suited for this job, Dojima.”

...he’s taken aback a little, he can’t deny it. Daigo wonders if his cheeks are colouring, wonders if his obvious shock is offputting, wonders if this is how Mine feels every time Daigo teases him lightly about his obvious attraction. A startling warmth spreads through his chest, and Daigo can’t stop the slight smile that touches his face. Has anybody ever said something so unreservedly kind and measured about Daigo before?

Maybe this is the difference between everybody else’s gazes on him, and Mine’s gaze. It’s based on something more than desire alone. Respect.

Daigo runs a hand over his slicked-back hair and ruffles it free, with a rueful smile, a smile that he couldn’t take away from his face, even if he tried. “I appreciate that. You know I couldn’t do it without you, right?”

He’d never really believed himself capable of attraction to a man like Mine. All of his previous childhood crushes had been on bright, cheerful conversational, pure-hearted people. Daigo had always figured they would balance out his sardonic cynicism. He’d never thought someone as reserved and principled as Mine would ever make his heart flutter. But then, there was something about that deep hunger and passion that Daigo craved. Perhaps it was because he was no longer the gloomy punk of his youth. Maybe his tastes have changed towards tall, dark and handsome. Maybe Mine’s just that special.

“Dojima—” Mine says, clearly trying to refute it, but Daigo cuts him off.

“I mean it. Everybody in this fucking Clan wants me to do something or be somebody else. Kashiwagi-san wants me to be my mother. Majima-san wants me to be Kiryu-san. Everybody else expects my Father. But not you. You deal with me honestly, and with candour, and never hold any expectations against me except success. I appreciate your faith in me.” Daigo takes a couple of steps forward, until his shoes almost brush up against Mine’s own. He leans down over Mine’s chair. “I could not do this without your backing and help. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you in my life. A true friend.”

Mine tilts his chin up to meet Daigo’s gaze, a hungry devotion in his eyes, and Daigo, for a moment, wonders if this is wrong. If he should hold back, like Kiryu would. But Daigo is Daigo, and Mine clearly wants him anyway, so he leans down and kisses him.

Mine’s mouth is velvety smooth and wet and hot and it is oh-so satisfying a feeling to put his hand against Mine’s broad neck and feel his warmth up against Daigo. He pulls back, with a satisfied sigh, and feels the burn of wasabi across his lips, a final parting kick.

#minedai #mine yoshitaka #dojima daigo #spiraling downhill fic tag #yakuza #rgg

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satoruvt · 3 years ago

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fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

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yeet-imma-skeet · 5 years ago

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The Sky Is In Pieces

(Based in @starr-fall-knight-rise 's unique universe. Part 5 to the story)

(Part 1: https://yeet-imma-skeet.tumblr.com/post/613232997621202944/the-sky-is-falling)

Bzzzzzzzzz...

Pop! Hissssssss...

The air locks hissed into place as the two ships hitched together. The finality in the sound caused some second thoughts to arise, making one to swallow in uncertainty and the other to twitch her tail for the same reasons. Curious, because of their constant exchanges over video call they had gotten used to the other's existence but here they were. Nervous as all hell.

Then she smelt it.

As soon as the doors peeled open, she fought to withhold an unexpected growl. Her throat tightened as the unmistakable scent of fresh meat washed over her like a cold splash of water to a sunbathed face. Unlike the last few cycles, she was now acutely aware of her hunger. She bit onto her tongue, blocking the scent receptors. Hopefully she could hide it before they noticed anything off.

Too late.

The one she knows as Captain Silva tilted his head, "Is something wrong?"

The flying orb of data did a once over around her form before hovering between them, "Nothing is appearing to be a problem. Voice your concerns, caldat?"

Oh Matradais above, she could practically TASTE it.

She stumbled back, holding her hands around her hidden maw, keeping it shut. The pleading look in her eye seemed to scream when her stomach sharply twisted a knife into itself.

Without a second the humans recognized a starving creature when they saw one.

Silva roared over his shoulder, "SOMEONE BRING SOME FOOD ASAP!"

A gray drev at the entrance reared back in surprise as the humans scrambled for anything edible. Pockets were overturned and boxes were thrown until one human triumphantly held a fried chicken drumstick in the air. Ah, how he held it like a gift from the heavens. It nearly made the others bow down to its golden radiance. Did they hear a choir?

"Did you just pull KFC out of your pocket?"

"Emergency snack, sir. Since it is one it wor—WAHG!"

The tall man fell back as a blur of white tackled him. As soon as she snatched the "emergency snack", she darted onto a nearby stack of crates as she snarfed down. The crunch of bone made the humans wince and the drev scuttle back in shock. They had never seen their humans do such things to their meals. Compared to the hunched over being above them, they were much quieter... most of the time.

"Oh my god, her mouth is under her chin!"

"H—What?"

"Look!"

"Her face flipped up!"

"That’s metal as fuck."

Galia ignored their open stares and whispers as she kept munching, appreciating the juicy flavor of the new meat. The strange crunchy covering on it matched rather well with it. Licking the last remnants off her claws, she made her way down the stack, hiding her embarrassment at the uncouth first meeting.

"I’m sorry," She murmured, "I didn’t expect the smell of food to smack me across the face."

The orb translated between them, wondering about her strange choice of words before a revving sounded from the humans. It lowered it forming guard as the telltale sign of amused humans secured their safety. Then again, humans actions were rather contradictory according to its new data.

"We would probably do the same if we were you." Silva smiled.

Galia held out a hand to shake, using their weird greeting she learned, "Welcome onto my dolmier, Captain Silva."

He accepted it, watching for claws despite himself, "Thank you for taking us, Galia."

——————————

The first thing the crew of the UNSC Esperanca noticed was the sheer size of the ridiculously white ship. The halls were much taller and wider with strangely no corners to speak of like organized tunnels. The "doors" were basically sliding hobbit doors, just circles for entrances. The only places that straight lines existed was within the hexagonal rooms of the ship. It reminded many humans of beehives and ant tunnels. It was a welcome change compared to their cramped brick. Especially to those who managed to smuggl—procure skateboards onto the ship.

"YAHOOOOOO!"

The head medic gazing down at her tablet stepped aside as a group of skaters wheeled past her. The breeze they caused tossed her tied ginger locks. Tossing her hair back, she finally looked up from the data, sighing to herself. A clear window in the corridor caught her eye, making her pause in silent awe for the fourth time that day. The surprising reason why the alien ship had been so huge was because of the gigantic bio-dome in the heart of it.

Towering pillars of rock grew from the ground alongside multicolored trees that could compete with redwoods. A rainbow of vines draped over and under them, the stems as thick as a regular tree. The kaleidoscope of color nearly gave one a headache if it wasn’t for the rest of the bio-dome. Cream and gray savanna grasses covered most of the ground as the tall jungle only took a third of the dome. A visible rundown path winded between the biomes which led to last surprising addition to the nature. Clear yet blue water sloshed around as a lake-sized pool sat beside them. Apparently it was a hundred meters deep and had underwater caves under the land. When she saw a map of it, the maze of tunnels shook her to the core. The effort and engineering that went into the nature seemed so intricate yet it worked so well together.

She laid a hand onto the glass, feeling the warmth of the room on the other side. If they could bring this aboard other ships, who knows what kind of benefits it could have for space travel? Crew would have more morale and wouldn’t be so homesick. The fact that she had to help wrestle most of the crew away from entering the bio-dome proved the fact that nature was a must, even if it was alien. She stared back at her tablet, looking over the data of the plants inside once again. Until she knew it was safe, there was no way that she could let the crew go in or herself for that matter. That lake seemed to call for her to take a dip. Swim in meeeeee...

She shook her head, reluctantly leaving the view. Looking back to her tablet, her resolve to finish scanning the data grew only stronger. She’ll be damned if she didn’t take a dip by the end of the day. Mark her words.

——————————

Screeeeeeech! Crash! Thunk!

A voice groaned, “Ow...”

“Ow, indeed.”

The sprawled form of a marine blearily squinted up to see the upsidedown face of the white alien. He tilted his head. Scratch that. She was right side up. With another groan, he tumbled over his own head as the amused alien stepped away from his flop. Thinking back to her comment, he thought it weird to hear a gruff woman’s voice from his translator chip. How technology easily grows.

She rubbed her ear things—arials they were called, “Are you humans always loud?”

“Not usually, but then again,” He grunted as he sat up, “It depends on the human.”

“...I’ve been hearing that a lot. It’s much harder to tell what each of you would do without any visible differences, though.”

He surreptitiously watched her tail flick back and forth in thought until she reached out a hand.

Accepting it, he asked, “Visible differences?”

“Body language. Usually we watch changes in tails and arials. With you, it’s the face. And hands. And feet. Many things now that I think about it.”

“Ha ha! Good luck with that.”

She nodded towards a runaway skateboard, “And good luck with that too.”

“SHIT MY SKATEBOARD!”

He dashed for it, screaming at it to come back.

Galia winced, the man’s voice ringing across her arials. Ever since the humans came aboard, they had brought delectable food, yes, but had also provided to be impressively noisy. Their words carried through the halls while their movements were almost obnoxious and as much as she admired the drev, they were worse. After walking into their makeshift armory, she immediately cringed away at the metallic screeching and pounding hammers. Her head rang for hours even after hiding away in the treetops of the bio-dome.

A feeling of uncertainty krept into her mind. Having yourself nearly deafened everyday could make one doubt every sound they hear. The fact did not comfort her as she had a job to do. She had to protect the Royals at any cost...

(Part 6: https://yeet-imma-skeet.tumblr.com/post/620559516121137152/great-theres-sky-everywhere)

#alien #fantasy #scifi #original species #humans are space orcs #farrisan #humans are space australians #starr fall knight rise #short fiction #fiction #original story #story

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chrisbangs · 6 years ago

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so i guess i could type like a practical person for once……. maybe………. but i probably won’t so i apologize ahead of time……… anyway, so i hit? 1k…..? after remaking only 3 months ago... to me that’s pretty crazy because as a lot of my older mutuals will know, i remake like every 0.38 seconds because i’m annoying like that… to the people who’ve been here since forever (you know who you are) it means a lot that you’ve stuck with me through blog type changes (there’s like 1 or 2 of you who’ve just been around since The Beginning and wowza thank you for dealing with me like that ifnawoeiawoef)!!! and to the people who i’ve only recently become mutuals with i apologize cause at any second i will probably be like hee honk time to remake. to all of you, mutuals and followers, thank you for dealing with my stupid lame text posts about chan or my crazy ‘content creators deserve better’ campaigns!! thank you for interacting with me through dms, asks, even just liking my posts and being kind to me when i’m down- i really appreciate that. i’ve been using tumblr for a very, very long time, and tbh, i feel like its not until recently that i’ve found a group of people that i feel very comfortable and happy around. you guys are all so talented and funny and warm and friendly, and i’m so thankful for you guys in my life! thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your dash !!! i’m really grateful if you’ve ever enjoyed my content (gifs, gfx, etc.) and i hope i can continue to make your dashes and hearts bright whether it be through content or my stupid dumb (i hope funny) tags! i love you all!

(( if theres a 🖤 next to your name!! i’ve left a little message for you under the cut ;; v ;; !!! i hope you know how much i love and appreciate all of you! (i really didn’t proof read these so like… u know… just…….. i apologize foawinefoiwna) ))

@00hj 🖤, @1095, @19gf, @3rachha, @angelhyunjin 🖤, @binnieseason, @binsungz 🖤, @boxerminho, @changbeanie, @chimneycloud, @cosmicskz 🖤, @dhalfmoonbydean, @f1owerlix 🖤, @huiracha, @ilovedowoon, @jedixuxi 🖤, @jinlix 🖤, @jisquish 🖤, @johfam 🖤, @kim-seungmins 🖤, @kim-woojins, @kimwuujin 🖤, @kqngyounghyun 🖤, @luvknow, @marriael, @momowlw, @mydays, @noairmv 🖤, @naekkung, @parkjinwoo, @prodskz 🖤, @pouringmv, @realstraykids, @seofthours, @seungminsmile, @soohao, @sk-z 🖤, @skzbffie, @skzd 🖤, @stray-kids, @straykisd, @theminho 🖤, @uayv 🖤, @ultscb 🖤, @wayvgf 🖤, @yngbok

@00hj: hello karen! wow :( it feels like forever since we’ve been mutual… like i really cannot believe it’s been??? 7/8 months since we first became friends? like it doesn’t even feel that long. i know time flies and we’re at that point in our lives where every day just flashes by but :( even in those moments that do pass by, you’re always there making me smile. through your killer content or your funny jokes or those convos where we’re both just yelling abt how much we HATE group projects… its all fun :( you always make me smile and make me want to work harder. when i see how hard you work??? it just makes me want to work /that/ much harder. from your gfx to your gifs!! you are a pillar in this community and i am so honoured to be pals with u man faionwefoaie !!! to top that off, i feel like i can always ask you anything- any dumb questions i have abt making things, anything that’s just kinda eating at me, i feel like i can talk to you about it. you’re such a comfy place !! a comfy warm person !! and i love you dearly! i hope you get to kick back with jisung and hyunjin and enjoy a slice of pie!!

@angelhyunjin: hello angi! my darling you work so so so hard! your art is always stellar and always wowing! i know sometimes you worry about posting, but please remember to put your health first;; its hard to think about yourself sometimes, i know, but remind yourself that !! to make smth nice, you need to be well first!!! anyway;; your art never fails to make me smile. like your style is sososo distinct and memorable?? and also?? you’re an amazing dancer!!! your covers are always so lovely and you do such a great job :( i can tell how passionate you are about things through both your art and your dance! thank you for always working hard and being kind to everyone around you! i love you dearly angel! hyunjin is sending his love!

@binsungz: yooooo whaTS UP HOMIE FIAWNOFANWFO HELLO BABY!! MY WHORE PARTNER!!!!!!!! MY GIRL!!!!!!!!! literally what do i even say here that i haven’t already said to you??? you’re one of my closest friends online and you ALWAYS make me laugh. from talking abt nsfw things to cute things to minecraft and gaming!!! you always always get me !!! you just have a knack for understanding me?? and that’s just :( so appreciated!!!! you !!! are !!! amazing dude!!! ur gifs are always so clean; you’re one of the reasons i started working harder to make my gifs better bc you inspired me !! you’re always so kind and warm and loving ; and i can always talk with you abt sucking dicks or eating pussy like IT REALLY DO BE LIKE THAT !!!!!!!!! i was going through my old blog and i found those videos you did where you looked through my blog and when i heard your voice again and you being like ‘omg ur so funny’ i was ready to scream cause it was still so fuiowenaowieaoe fricking cute :(((( dude I LOVE YOU!!!! like you really are one of the kindest people in the world and i can’t stop !! saying !! how thankful!!! i am for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you so much britt !! thank you for always dealing with me and being kind to me and just fjaoweifnaow you’re really the best :((( jisung and [redacted] love u but not as much as me ok foaiwneoaiwnfia ……..

@cosmicskz: hello gumdrop!!! my love!!! thank you so much for always hyping – not just me- but everyone up!! you are sososo kind and so so so SO warm and cute and oawifenawo precious!!! please remember to take care of your health and of yourself too!! loving everyone around u is important but also take care of yourself TT TT !!! your content is also always so cute and thoughtful and you put 110% into everything you do ????? like !!!!!!!! ma’am????? so talented and pure ;; ___ ;; like i don’t know how you do it but you do !!! also thank you for ALWAYS offering to look @ my work and give me advice etc etc!! i am so appreciative of it ;; also – i know i don’t always reply that often but !!!!!!!!!!!! i love you and i’m thankful that you’re so patient with me when it comes to dms fjaowiefnawoiefn TT TT you’re ! so ! lovely and sweet and i hope you know !! i’m here for you whenever you need !!! skz and i lovelovelove you!

@f1owerlix: vale……….. vale………………. VALE……………………………. HELLO…………………. ??? i ??? can’t even find the words to tell you what you mean to me. i’d write a poem but its just gonna end up being long and i’d never be able to finish it bc i’d go back and keep adding bits and lines abt how you’re like the NICEST person in humanities history and that you’re just an all-around talented and wonderful person….. like….. are u KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! she did that (that = being the kindest person EVER) you’re always using The Most amount of nicknames possible;; and it makes my heart so so so soft. not only that, but you’re also such a kind, genuine, warm person. i don’t know anyone who is as kind, and humble, and talented, and warm like you. i literally could list a billion wonderful things about you because you’re that frucaowienoawikingiawgo amazing…. dude like seriously…. we out here STANNING miss vale….. i was going through my blog a while ago and i saw this tag that was like ‘i got my vale fansite set up and we’re going to start making slogans and planning birthday events’ like past li had it right. you’re so kind and funny and warm and i always feel safe and comfy talking to you. i really appreciate the feedback you give me- because its always so thought out and GENUINE. like… you do this for EVERYONE… all the tags i read from you are so KIND and you always make ccs feel like they’re doing the best job ever…. like you really……. you really are an angel on this ea.rth…. huh….. also…? changbin is dropping by with flowers for you!!!!

@jedixuxi: hello angel;; i hope you’re doing well!!! thank you for dealing with my blog change and staying mutuals with me regardless of content differing! thank you for always being kind and being patient with me- i know i don’t reply a lot but ;; you are a really good friend to me and i am so so so thankful;; you’re so sweet and warm and such a talented artist;; like everything you draw im always like fjawifeawoej :0000 !!!!! you really have so much love and warmth inside of you and !!! that’s why ur so tall ma’am.. foawiefnoaweifno :’( aaaa thank you so much beth for always being so warm to others; your brightness is like the sun on my dash and in my dms and you always make me smile or laugh its just ;; aofwienaiwneoi I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! and xuxi is also mailing his entire heart your way ok !!!

@jinlix: hello madam ! hello to my lov e !!! my sweet lil gum drop !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh hi bb :( thank you for everything you do; firstly, your gfx?? so incredible ok?? like i know your style immediately when i see it yet you always manage to surprise me?? like your work is so fucking GOOD. how does she do it :// like us plebeians will never kno and that’s how it fuckin be ig afoiwneoaiwnfeoawi ….. omg…. ok…. and like secondly??? youre always so humble and kind to other ppl??? like your tags on anyones work is always so so so so kind TT TT you always say the nicest things- and i still remember the tags you left on one of my very first skz gfxs … like you really made my heart flutter like that huh….. hm…. guess you’re an angel or smth like… that…. gmgamoweigna TT __ TT Kelly seriously you’re such a sweet heart? you love with all your heart and its so warm and soft and whenever you talk abt hyunjin im like jfjfaiweIFAIWo …. my heart !!!!!!!!!!! like he would totally be floored by your love bc of how soft u fuckin are oh ymgmymmym go d !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway :( i love u so much and hope you’re well angel!! hyunjin is sending all his love your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@jisquish: ok here we go … ma’am… MA’AM… how do i even EXPLAIN the love i feel for u.. oh my gosh.. miss india.. you really exist like that.. like we STAN a whole ass legend huh… not only are you funny and smart and talented and kind and amazing?? you’re also just like.. the coolest bestest person in the world? like i still find it hard to believe you were one of my anons bc like… u just.. u r too … ://// cool… like i’m really just sitting here like… an idiot… from day 1 you’ve always been so fucking kind to me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have just :( been so sweet and kind and just an all-around angel- and even if we only talk every now and then, i always feel so warm and happy whenever we do!! u know those ppl u don’t have to talk to 24/7 to know that there’s still a warm friendly hug waiting for you??? :(( yea you’re one of those people. you always always ALWAYS make me laugh like hfawoifenoawie :( hello how do u do this?? yet you also are so grounded and warm and understanding and like.. i can’t believe you’re also one of the most talented humans ever;; whenever i see your covers, i’m always like !!! wowowowo !!! you inspire me to work harder with my music and writing ;; you are such an angel :-( and i am so thankful for you! so so so so thankful!!! jeongin and changbin and jisung are sending all their love !!! and so am i bb !!!

@johfam: if anyone deserves a thank you- it is you. miss nita… jejejsigaweg i feel like i’m gonna cry typing this so here we go…. you’ve been friends with me for more than a year now i believe :( i think we’ve actually hit our year since we became friends which is so wild to me?? you’ve been with me through SO MANY THINGS… like you’ve been my soundboard for so many things in my life.. i can’t believe we started talking bc a spider landed on your hand… and u stabbed ur own hand with a pencil.. like ig we have to thank that spider….. ghanwegoiawen….. you’ve really stuck with me through blog changes and through me being angry abt things and you’ve allowed me to be angry- which i appreciate so much.. you know me so well :// like… idk how you do it but you always make me feel safe and warm and like i can say anything to you and you’ll hear me out?? like oaiwnefaiwenof :( you just !! you’ve supported me so much through so many bad days and i can’t thank you enough. you are made of sunshine and stardust and your heart is literally the softest and warmest. thank you !!! for !!! always enjoying frogs with me and sending me cute frog things.. like.. :( it makes me SO happy that we can enjoy those lil squishy fuckers together.. also thank u for being my source of johnny content jfjawfieawio i’ve literally unfollowed every other nct blog and you’re one of the only ones left bc i still love johnny so much and seeing him on my dash- esp with your tags- makes me so so so happy;; thank you for everything you’ve done for me and !!! and for all the love you’ve given me :( and just for being there for me through some of the toughest places in my life;; i really love and appreciate you!!!!!!!!! johnny is sending his love and some kisses through the mail :’(

@kim-seungmins: hfhawefaniow…………… hello dumm..y… :( u r the loml.. you’ve been there for me through so much shit in the short amt of the time we’ve been friends.. u were also one of my first friends in this fandom- and i’m so thankful you were bc we got really close during these last few months and it makes me so happy. you’re so funny and you always make me laugh!!! you give me so much confidence and happiness and you make me feel so warm and happy ;; !!!!!! you are a fajfowienawei whole ass angel who is always working hard both to make good content and in school. :( i’m so proud of you for all that you do dude like wowowwowo :( look @ you go ????? you’re also one of the funniest pals i have like u literally make me bust a LUNG laughing … like whenever i get any of my biases together in one screen i now literally think, without even pause, “abia voice: crumbs” likej faweiojaowefoi you’re such an icon!!!!!!!!! also?? like … you’ve just been s o kind to me and helped me with things that i’ve not talked to others with bc you never make me feel like i’ll be judged… like.. you’re so fucking understanding and warm and kind and considerate with how you reply; you always care and you’re just… :( u r angel or smth like that… i know i tease you and that’s kinda how i show my love but for real dude………………. i love u so much.. like if i could give you the whole world i really fucking would.. :( because you deserve nothing less!! thank u for always providing that good good seungmin content ;; seungmin and minho and woojin all told me to tell you that they love you!!!

@kimwuujin: hello sugar drop!! thank you for being so kind and warm and always just !!! being so sweet :( you always tag me in funny/cute content and it’s always appreciated !!! i feel like i can always be dumb and say stupid soft things abt chan with you bc you’ll understand how i feel :((( you’re so sweet and i’m so glad we started talking more !! you’re not only like faoiwenfaowi incredibly cute and sweet but you’re also so so so so funny !!! :( like you make me laugh and aofwinewaoinoi i really appreciate that!! you’re also so grounded and understanding and !! you always know what to say and i’m really appreciative of the fact that you phrase things so well and eloquently- when will my dumbass ever- anyway fhawjeofaowein i love you with all my heart and hope you’re !! doing well sweetpea !!! chan and are yeeting every ounce of love we have for you to you!!!!!!!!!!!

@kqngyounghyun: hello my love :( i can’t even remember the first time we talked bc it feels like its been so so so long; and through all of this time you’ve been one of my close friends who’s stuck around with me through so much. you’re always there, and always kind, and just always warm and friendly and a safe place to go. i love that we can bitch abt things with each other but also oiawenfowaie be super soft… but then also talk abt super nsfw things jfawieaoeif aofiwneoai you’ve always been so so kind to me and i really do appreciate it. thank you for sticking with me through all my blog changes and for always supporting me and my dumbassery;; i really hope you know how much i appreciate you and how much i love you! you’re such a hardworking person- like whenever you tell me abt the effort you’re putting in at school its just oifnawiefnaoi wowowow!!! you’re so amazing :(( !!!!! also, you were there for me during one of the Hardest Points In My Life- like a time when i really thought i was going to ofaiwneoiawen lose my mind bc of how much i was struggling……. but you seriously helped me get through that part of my life and i can never fully explain to you how thankful i am. but i love you so much and i’m so thankful. younghyun and i both love you to the ends of the earth ;; __ ;; !!!

@noairmv: hello ! ! ! miss ai!! the loml!!! angel!! bb gumdrop!! jacob’s baby!!! all names we can use to refer to you!!! :( hello baby!! thankyou! for everything! for all you do! for all you are! you are always honest with me, always genuine, always kind and understanding. you do more than i could ever fucking ask for. i’ve told this to you before but, i think you’re the one person i can go to- without fail- for like.. real life advice… like things that i feel like i cannot ask anyone else, i can ask you. i remember when i was struggling financially i immediately went to you first to talk things through. you give me a lot of clarity and you help me understand my own thoughts and talking to you always puts things into perspective for me. you’re also always there to rant abt nsfw things with which is foaiwnefoaiwn so fun afnowienfao afjfaowefiao but also i get to be super soft with you which is also really :~( the best oof……… i love u so much…….. like, thank you for always looking @ my gfxs, and for always being supportive and understanding and giving me genuine advice. i love listening to you talk abt Jacob (and being rawed by others who are not … Jacob………… ahem………) aofiwnefoaiwno thank you for always being patient with me and for being so kind (and for always faowineoawi saying yes when i propOSE FAOIWNOAIWF ;;) you’re an angel (hee honk) from above and i will always be thankful for you in my life angel bean :( thank you so much for everything ai, i love you SO fucking much… jacob also loves u – he told me to tell u that !!!

@prodskz: hello my love! ! ! ! i think i told you this once but!! my favourite kinds of relationships are those ones that have a good roast/love ratio!!! and i deeply feel that ours is that kinda relationship!!! no matter how many times we destroy each other aoiwnafienaiowe we’re always like ‘uwu anyway u r my baby’ 2 seconds later and foawinefoiane i love that!!! i love that you will send me 20 messages in a day and i’ll be like yoiNk i forgot but also let me reply to everything at once !! i love that you send me SO many skz memes throughout the day- they make me laugh so hard;; and also you always send me The Best Chan Pics so thank you for that fiawfenfoawienoiwe TT TT you’ve been so kind to me and so so so supportive of all my work ;; whether my gifs or my gfx or just my stupid posts- you are so supportive neha i :( i don’t even deserve the amt of love you give me but fjawoefawoe i ACCEPT ALL OF IT !!!!!!!!!! i’m such a dummy but please know that i love you WITH ALL MY FUCKIN HEART BABY!!!! you are so precious and talented and kind and funny and you are amazing !! like i mean it :( do not !! forget for a second how wonderful you are baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hyunjin would like to also remind you that he loves you to the moon and back (but i love u more ok)

@sk-z: hi sweet pea !!! :’) i know we only started talking very recently but i already feel so close to you! i just wanted to say thank you for being there for me that night aofinweoianfew and thank you for always being a voice of reason; you’re so understanding and warm and !!! i really am floored but how kind you are!! i know i always say sorry and that’s ifonaweifnaio really just how i am but !! you really make me comfy and it feels easy to just say anything around you and not feel stressed out or judged?? like even things that i blame myself for, you help me see reason and feel better and i just :( i can’t thank you enough for that;; you’re so bright and warm and i really hope we get to continue talking for a long time angel!! i love you!!!

@skzd: hi haleigh !! i know we haven’t talked in a while but you’re still one of my fav content creators!! even from back when i was an nctzen and we interacted there, to now over on these blogs!!! you’ve stayed such a constant in my life :( and you’ve honestly been nothing but supportive of me :( you’re always so kind whenever we do talk and you’re still one of the funniest people i know;; your tags will never fail to make me laugh;; i really appreciate your presence on my dash and i really want you to know all your content is so beautiful and appreciated;; :( you’re so talented my dude and i love you long time;; i really hope you’re doing well and taking care bc i do love you from the bottom of my heart angel!!! hyunjin is sending his love (and so am i !)

@theminho: min my little gumdrop!! my sweet sugar bean!! my lil soft angel!!!!!!! hi angel!! :( darn i think you’re one of the ppl i’ve been following longest and oof… OOF.. like :( !! i’m so glad we started talking!! you always make me smile! you are so warm and thoughtful with your words. i’m not sure i know anyone who is as eloquent or as understanding as you. you just.. you really phrase things well. whenever we talk i !! i feel so grounded and like i know oafiwenoaw what you’re saying!! and you’re always so sweet and funny and expressive with what you say :( dude you’re just amazing ok!! and your gifs are always so so so beautiful like… omg…. WOW…. an angel huh TT TT ;; whenever i see your gifs or your tags i’m always so soft!! i’m so proud of you for working hard at school, and though i miss you!! i hope you’re spending your time resting when you get a chance and that school isn’t kicking your butt too much my love!!! i am so proud of you TT TT and i’m sending all my ‘fightings!!!’ and strength your way angel bean!!!! minho is also sending his love and energy!!!

@uayv: hi darling!!! miss joyce! miss gfx queen! oh my goodness;; first of all- thank you for the BOMB ass content dude… your gfx… wowowowwo..w… secondly, thank you for sticking with me through a drastic blog change;; faoiwenfoaw i’m so glad that we’re still pals bc you’re one of those people that makes me laugh so hard from just your tags alone- and in dms i usually can’t stop smiling/laughing;; aoiwenfoiawenwa !!!!!! listen to me !!!!! the first time i found your blog was bc u rb’d one of my gfxs and left some of the nicest tags ever and i saw you had ‘gfx’ tagged in your bio so when i scrolled through your gfx and i was eMBARRASSED BC LIKE………… DUDE HOLY SHIT THIS PERSON HAD SOME OF THE BEST WORK I’D E V E R SEEN. i still think you are one of the MOST TALENTED GFX MAKERS EVER. you have so much of my respect and love and i wish i could aowiefnoawiefn give you … the whole world dude… awenfiawfeowia TT TT you are so kind to me whenever i ask for a second opinion on my gfx and you’re always so warm and funny- and your love for bread is so good- like i’m telling you whenever i see bread posts that aren’t from you i IMMEDIATELY either tag you or send them to you fawienoawien ;; you’re such a warm positive influence on my dash and in my life and i really love you from the bottom of my heart. i’m so thankful we’re pals bc you are a true angel and a true pal and just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAA I LOVE U SO MUCH JOYCE OIANWFOIAWN TT TT (doyoung loves you loads too okay; he is sending big fat kisses ur way!)

@ultscb: hi taryn!!! miss gif queen;; faoiwenfaown holy moly; you are such a talented person- but not only are you amazing at giffing ?? you’re also just ??? an amazing warm funny kind beautiful person??? like afnoiwnefowaienof hello?? you’re somehow always making me smile; whenever we talk or through your tags?? you’re just !! so !! lovely and fantastic and i!!!! really do love you!!! you’ve been so kind and warm to me and made me smile so much even if we don’t talk that often;; you always give me such kind feedback when you look at my work and it really foanwifeanwoe blows my ego into another dimension fanoweinaowienfao i love you so much angel!!! i hope you know that you’re an amazing and talented and funny and wonderful person! changbin is sending kisses !! (and so am i!!)

@wayvgf: hi mara baby!!!!! :0 you are such a bright personality, whenever you’re excited ofiawneofai you’ll make like fawoniewi a bunch of posts back to back with 0 context and idk why that makes me laugh and feel so warm and happy- but the thought that someone who is so warm and bright exists really makes me so happy!!! you are literally the funniest and cutest person i’ve ever !! met !! you are so kind and warm and funny and idk man :(( you’ve just been very kind to me and listened to me rant abt some very dumb stuff faoiwnefoaiwne TT TT thank you for always dealing with that side of me, and for being so kind to me;; i know i always say this but : your nose is… really… afwioenaofiawoifwa the pinnacle of noses ok. u r s o cute :( and whenever i’m like “I LOVE MARA DOT ORG” i mean it !!! i love you SO much!!!!!!!!!!! you are such a fantastic, funny, hard working person and i love you SO much bb !!!!! hyunjin also loves u but :/ i love u mos t.

#li.ff #OIFANFOINAWOFIAW OK SO I POSTED THIS AND IT WAS AN ACCIDENT #IM SO SORRy #ANYWAYFOIANWFOINAWFI #I APOLOGIZE IFONAWOIFNAIW #AHHFAJWFAIW #im so dumb lf amfaomiawe fawienfaw #deceased into another realm ok #NOW i can go crawl under a rock and be dumb by myself jwejfiawoefinaw #AND IM SO EMBARRASSED RN FAJWFJOAWIFJ #i wish i could've written a message to everyone but this is just already such a long mess #oafinweoianwoiawei TT TT but please know i love all of u so much and s o dearly ;;#aahhfoaiwefnoawei TT TT

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jiminsfault · 5 years ago

Text

50 questions tag

I got tagged by @yoongs-jeontae ! Thank you💖

What colors is your hairbrush? It’s like a brown-ish shimmery color? Idk o.o

What food would you never eat? I probably would never be able to eat the meat of rabbits or deers, sheep and that kind of stuff

Are you usually hot or cold? I’m always a cozy crispy amount of warmth under my blanket. But when I’m outside I go from both extremes because I’m super sensitive so, spring/summer: always hot, autumn/winter: always cold. There is no inbetween

What did you do 45 minutes ago? I was in an online class and got math tutoring🤠 it was horrible thanks for asking my brain is fried

Favorite chocolate? The really dark kind. It’s the only chocolate I’ll ever really crave. I can bear milk chocolate if I have to

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? I hAve actually omg! It was a handball game and super boring, I didn’t know whats going on ever and only clapped when everyone else did🤡 (I was forced by my ex to tag along I absolutely hate sports)

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Oh my god, that was horrible” right after I ended the call with my teacher skckjs

Favorite ice cream flavor? Brownie fudge? Is that what it’s called? The chocolate ice cream with brownie pieces in it, it’s so fUcking gOOD sorry for cursing it’s necessary

What was the last thing you drank? Some nice crispy wAter

What kind of wallet do you have? A small black one because I didn’t think about practicality when buying it. Currently looking for a bigger one.

What was the last thing you ate? I actually have no clue if that’s the english word for it but kebab? IT’S DÖNER IN GERMAN

Did you buy clothes last weekend? I haven’t bought clothes in months actually omg

What was the last sports event you saw? I watched the soccer game that’s like a really big thing back in 2018 🤠🤠

Who was the last person you texted? My mom cus she’s out buying groceries and asked me what kind of ice cream I want kekdjejd

Do you like camping? I despise camping with my entire being. When I was little my mom always forced me to go on 500 camping trips a year and I feel the biggest rage in me when I think about all the bugs and uncomfortable nights I- will not continue talking about this now.

Do you eat vitamins? No, like not at all. Not one vitamin has entered my body in a few weeks. I used to have these tablets that disappear in water but I stopped drinking that because I only take them bc of my muscles and currently I’m not leaving the house so,,, don’t need them >:)

When was the last time you traveled? The last time I full on traveled like outside of the country was in 2018 when my class went to italy because of our graduation 🤠 trauma

Do you like sunbathing? I can’t really answer that because if I sunbathe I will burn. Like literally I’m getting a sunburn just from walking to the train on a sunny day if I don’t have the strongest suncream on??? My skin is very🤡 so yeah idk if I like it? Never tried

Asian or Italian food? Asian food absolutely. I’m not sure about italian food because I just don’t know anything about italian kitchen but I dO knOw that theres so much variety with asian food? And so far I’ve loved every asian dish I’ve tried so,,

Do you drink soda? Nope. I stopped drinking soda four years ago I think because my skin was sO bad and I gained weight so quickly without eating a lot so I stopped drinking soda and tada! Barely getting pimples now😎 also it’s just tastier like my mouth doesn’t stick anymore and I don’t literally feel the sugar on my teeth?? (Although I do sometimes sip on a bit of coke but only on special occasions)

What color socks are you wearing now? White with a very,, aqua? blue stripe? And the name of the brand in the same color🤠 fashion

When was the last time you were speeding? I don’t drive🤡😔

What are you afraid of? Everything pretty much. Commitment, people leaving me, talking to people, failing, succeeding, should I continue?

What can you see if you turn left? A lot? It’s inside my room (my bed is in the right corner) but first thing would be my switch cus she laying next to me

What kind of housework you like the least? I actually love housework? At least the things that I do. Like I never mow the lawn because that’s not my job yknow? But I like emptying and filling the dish washer, cleaning pans in the sink, doing the laundry, wiping the floor. Maybe I should become a maid?

What is the first thing you think of when you hear someone talking in a language you don’t know? I try to hear what language it is, like I try guessing at least. Of course I don’t know what every language sounds like but it’s a fun little game I have for myself when I’m bored in public transpo

Do you sleep on your back or side? On my right side towards the wall. At least at night, when I take a nap I sleep on my left side towards the room. Idk why pls don’t ask me, I can’t fall asleep otherwise.

You crave fast food, where do you go? So around where I live there aren’t a lot of options? Also in germany in general we don’t have the fast food fest that america has, so I always go for either Mcdonald’s or Subway.

What is your lucky number? 5. I don’t know when it became my favorite/lucky number but somehow at some point in time it’s become the number I always use when someone wants me to guess or answer a question, I use it for picking things and all that🤡🤠 maybe it’s because it sounds rly funny in german

Who was the last person you talked to? In person my mom cus she’s the only one I see nowadays. On the phone would be two of my friends and I also talked to my tutoring teacher through discord so? Pick👁👁

Do you eat meat? I would say no if I wouldn’t sometimes do slip some meat in. It’s very rare and a small amount when I do. Idk how this developed because I used to eat meat multiple times a week but at some point I started only eating chicken and only in smaller amounts and sometimes not even once in two weeks. I eat fish tho? Does that count?

What was the last song you listened to? “Love without tragedy/mother mary” by rihanna because I was feeling the 10’s last night at 5am🤠

Last book? I actually just tried to find the english title of it but I can’t find any sign of it being translated so,, “der Totenzeichner” by Veit Etzold. I read this book twice, once in 9th grade and once just recently and I will not get enough of it. Another one of his books “Final cut” is laying on my bedside table waiting for me to start it. He’s an iconic author.

What is your favourite day of the week? If we were speaking from when it’s a regular routine and I would go to uni, I’d say Monday. I know I sound like a psycho but saying friday or saturday is my favorite day is basic because obviously everyone loves the weekend. Monday is a great day usually because my day starts in third period and does still go 6 classes like regular days but it feels nice to go into uni later in the day so I always appreciate it. (Tho saturday do be hitting different)

Do you know the alphabet song backwards? I don’t even know it forwards 🤡😔

Favorite coffee/tea? I don’t drink coffee but my favorite tea is probably fennel tea, everyone I know hates it, especially without sugar but I love it :(

Favourite shoes? From the ones I personally own I’d say my nike zoom 2ks because they look good and are super comfortable. Shoes that I wish I would have would be Dr. Martens but I’m pOor🤡 I am absolutely a whore for sneakers so I won’t even start listing all the sneakers I love

When do you usually go to sleep? If I’m on schedule around 11-12pm of actually going into the bed physically and falling asleep 30/40 minutes later. While I’m now constantly at home I do still physically get into bed at the same time but I stay up from 2-7am depending on how fun people are, if I play a game, if I read/draw, have a series or movie to watch. I’m insane I am aware🤡

When do you usually wake up? Again, when I’m on schEdule I wake up mondays and tuesdays at 6.30am, from wednesday to friday at 6.10am, on the weekend around 10am. Right now? It’s a surprise everyday. Sometimes I’m up at 4pm, sometimes I’m up at 10am, today I was actually super early with 9.30 so😎

Sunrise or sunset? That’s actually so hard because I do see the sunset a lot more than rise since I have my rOllÄdEn down so I don’t actually remember what a sunrise looks like. Because I have no other choice I say sunset. With doubt.

Do you like your bed soft or hard? I thINK my bed is hard? I once laid on a friend’s bed that was super soft and I’m pretty sure I didn’t like it

Describe the plate you are eating from? They’re from ikea. They’re white with like blue swirls idk my mom bought them I didn’t make the decisions

Your favorite type of alcohol? Currently I don’t really drink alcohol (mainly because of the lack of opportunities) bUt when I do drink I really like sweet sparkling wine (I googled this I’m not sure if that’s the right word idkd)

Do you like board games? Depending on which people I play with. If a person is getting angry that they’re losing it makes the game absolutely suck and since I’m surrounded by those people I haven’t made good memories with board games kcjdjs,,, if the company is fun I like the games too tho

If you had a car, what kind would it be? Unrealisticly I’d love to own a Lamborghini Aventador or Urus because those cars are just mouth-watering to me. Since I most likely won’t ever be able to afford either of those, I’d love to have a Fiat 500. I fell in love with this car like,,, it’s so cute and the inside is pretty too so everything fits for me the way I want it to. I’ll have to settle for a way less nice car tho once I get a license, at least for a while🤡

Do you know how to change car tires? In theory yes

Dream country? Like to live in? Damn idk. I’d love to live in a country with like,, cULTURE you know? Something exciting and cool to look at, less stuck up people almans be really boring 🤡 so maybe something like spain or italy, maybe america if yall vote for a different president. Japan or Korea would be super cool too I- the whole world ma’am? I couldn’t live in countries like idk hawaii or sumn because of the heat so I’ll just mfing stay in germany😔😔

If you could choose from any jobs in the world, what would you like to do? If I would have the chance I’d love to become an actor because that just seems super cool. But like I’m not nearly attractive enough for people to want to look at me on a scEen so nO

What would you like to try to do? I’m pretty set on trying to learn how to dance like that’s probably not as exciting as other things I could do but :/ yeh idk

And what is stopping you? Literally just me being lazy and talking myself into believing I won’t be good without even trying nsncjsks (also yes I seperated these questions because otherwise it wouldn’t be 50)

thIs was sO mUch omg sjjcjs I’m literally exhausted from all these questions😩😩

I’m tagginggg @gallhali @shadowsremedy if u wanna!

#tagged #fairyfriends #yoongs-jeontae

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everyman0 · 5 years ago

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SELFISH SLEEPER

Habit deleted my original title for this entry and gave it his own, and instead of telling you what it was originally, i’m just going to leave it as is. Theres some truth to it, after all.

When the call abruptly ended, evan let the phone slip from his grasp and fall to the floor. He had his back turned to me, had been standing that way the entire time the call went on, so i cant exactly describe his reaction in full. But i can tell you that he was not doing well. Instead of repeating the same mistake from before and touching him when he doesnt want to be touched, i only go over to him and pick the discarded phone from near his feet. Bending over to do so, i catch a glimpse at his face - and the amount of anguish i saw in his eyes was plenty enough to get me to step away as soon as possible. I dont leave him, though. I just hold the phone between my hands and stand there, observing, nervous.

Evan says nothing to me at first, so i speak up and thank him for his help. I mean, i really did appreciate it okay? I cant imagine having to pretend to be the demon that has possessed you for years and years is a mental cake walk. But evan’s expression does not soften, it only grows more distressed as the moments pass. It got a bit awkward, so i went back to work with gideon on the call and transcript since i hadnt heard the conversation in full yet. Evan eventually moved from his place and sat in the hallway nearby, away from us and around the corner to be unseen.

A couple hours pass as gideon and i sit at the table to talk. We discussed the conversation with ozzy at length, making note that the ‘prototype’ mentioned prior to this phone call was indeed another mirror, one made by the group in russia and then recently stolen. We also speculated what all this mirror may be able to do and what the implications of it being missing may be. The mirror wasnt the only thing missing of course, because so was Habit. We tried to piece together how these things connected but we still didnt seem to have enough to go off of to make sense of it yet, so little in fact that i wont even describe the conversation in more detail here. just a lot of speculation and talking in circles. It was getting late, so i insisted gideon take his leave and get to sleep for the night. We could always talk over discord later.

Once gideon was gone I called for evan to come lay down in our bed, the only thing we shared so closely. Sleeping next to him like that wasnt anything new - evan and i would frequently share a bed in hotel rooms during road trips to cut costs and at each others houses when the weather was cold or neither of us wanted to take the hardwood floor. Its something we did since middle school so we were used to it in our adulthood, and just like all those times before, neither of us wanted to sleep on the cold ashen ground of the house.

I fully expected evan to change his mind about that this night, but to my surprise, a few minutes after i had crawled under the blankets, evan quietly slipped in next to me. It was dark in the room so i could not make out his features, but thanks to the brilliant curse i have to call my eyes, i could still see some sort of aura of unease in the lumpy form that lay just ahead of me. The visual embodiment of stress isnt pretty, all jagged and sharp and i swear i thought it would reach out and pop me like a balloon. Kind of a silly thought to have, given i was already shoulder-to-shoulder with evan in the bed; and evan was anything but jagged or sharp in my opinion. His presence was rather comforting. I dont think i was a comforting presence to him though.

Especially since i couldnt keep my fat mouth shut and just go to sleep and enjoy the warmth of my friend simply being alive and with me for fucking once. I end up turning over on my side, facing evan, and choose to speak. I am, literally, the stupidest person on earth.

“Hey Ev,” I start, not really whispering but not talking normally either. “What do you think about the mi--”

“Couldn’t you at least ask if I want to talk first?” Judging by the somewhat muffled sound of his voice, I gather that evan has turned his back towards me again. Dammit. And his words stung like needles...which is how i know he was right.

“Oh uh, m’sorry,” I spit out at once, “I didn’t mean--”

Evan interrupts me again, this time shifting his body to illustrate his dismay at my attempts to talk to him, “You never mean to do anything, Vin. And maybe that’s the problem with you.”

I was taken aback by this, mouth agape and then stammering and finally settling on actual words to say.

“Ev, come on. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to shut up and go to sleep,” he says bluntly, “And leave me alone. This bed situation does not entitle you to a conversation.”

Oh. I reach out without thinking and only acting, placing a hand on Evan’s arm from under the blanket. In hindsight I remember how warm he was to the touch, but in the moment all I wanted to do was...well, who the fuck knows anymore. It was a stupid move.

“Evan, please--”

He freezes under my hand at first but then spins around so aggressively that the blankets are yanked off and become entirely wrapped around him instead. At this point my eyes have adjusted to the darkness and I can now see the white fire rage on Evan’s face. He grabs my wrist tight enough to cause considerable discomfort and I wince.

“Keep your god damn hands off of me or I’ll leave them broken next,” Evan snarls, and briefly I’m reminded of Habit once again and whimper meekly under his grip. Evan thrusts my arm away, seeming startled at himself then as well. His gaze is soul shattering as it remains locked on my own eyes. So full of sadness and despair and disgust, so hurt, and I was the cause of it.

Evan’s lashes moisten with frustrated tears and finally, after giving me one last sniffle and quivering lip, turns over with his back facing me again. I press my dumb gob together to spare myself the trouble and I can hear Evan’s shuttered breathing as he cried to himself. He didn’t cry often, not even in front of Jeff and I way back when. To see it now, like this, ruined me more than I could have realized.

I don’t ask him to return my half of the blanket. I only curl up, feeling cold without something to cover me and Evan seeming so far away despite never leaving my side.

I didnt sleep very well that night.

#evrymn0 #phase3 #everymanhybrid

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jinkisbelly · 6 years ago

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Kiss Drabbles : Jongyu

Alright, so there was this like prompt post thing about kisses and I started these back in January, like.. one a day or something and while I failed at that, these are the Jongyu ones I have done. There will be an Onkey, Ontae and Onho post once I’m done with those lol Each is separate au but will have ratings and w/c and warnings.

Overall: 2.6k, rating from like pg to pg13 post coitus/makeout session. There are six in total.

Hot, Steamy Kiss (pg-13, w/c 365 idk warning alcohal)

Jonghyun had to admit that making out with an almost stranger in a classmates’ pantry felt very 7th grade playing seven minutes in heaven. The way the other boy was kissing him was a lot MORE than the nervous teeth clacking he remembered 7th-grade kissing experience consisted of. Besides, with the warm tingly sensation of the few rum and cokes he had in his system and how cute his making out partner was, he couldn’t find a real reason to complain. The boy’s name was on the tip of his tongue. Coincidently so was the boy’s tongue as he pressed forward.

Kibum’s parents had gone to France or maybe Italy. Jonghyun couldn’t recall with how his ass was being palmed firmly. Something uncomfortable was poking into his back, but then the boy grunted roughly when his hair was pulled and the object was forgotten for the time being. The boy pulled away, just long enough to pull Jonghyun’s bottom lip between his teeth, before he was lifting Jonghyun up against the pantry’s build in shelves. There was the taste of beer on his lips that he hadn’t drunk himself.

Jinki! That was his name. The boy from that Women’s History class he took last semester to fulfill his upper history requirement for graduation. He wrapped his legs loosely around Jinki’s hips, pushing his fingers into his long hair that was falling slowly from the messy bun he had in it. As he tightened his fingers very roughly, Jinki growled and it made his toes curl in his boots. How much time had even passed n- Oh sweet baby Jesus that had to be illegal.

Then he felt the rush of air, heard the full volume of the party as the door was pulled open, but their kissing didn’t stop. His tongue was halfway in Jinki’s mouth probably when Kibum finally whistled loudly and they both rushed apart, flushed.

It was sometime later that Jinki pressed a napkin into his palm with a charming smile. “If you want more than just seven minutes in heaven, beautiful.”

He was gone by the time Jonghyun looked down to figure out it was his phone number.

Underwater Kiss ( Pg, w/c 484, happens before both parts of Atlantis Au, a month before Jonghyun meets Taemin)

Jinki’s hands were warm pressed against him as he held him tightly. The bracelet on the Atlantian’s wrist blocked out the coolness of the deeper water of the lagoon and allowed them to not worry about needing air to breathe. Jinki grinned brightly, the warm sunlight filtering through the blue water reaching them dimly. He looked up for a moment and Jonghyun pressed his face into his neck as he swam toward the surface, one arm held tightly around Jonghyun’s waist. As they broke the surface Jonghyun pushed bits of Jinki’s hair from his face, smiling fondly as Jinki’s face scrunched rather cutely with the brightness of the sun fully hitting him now. “The warmth of that great ball of fire doesn’t negate the unnecessity of the brightness.”

“Are you being a grumpy old man again?”

The frown on Jinki’s face deepened. “I apologize for not being from this century.”

“You kiss well for someone that’s over a thousand years old.”

“Oh, is that so?”

Jonghyun giggled as Jinki dipped to kiss at his neck, before growing gloom. “I wish I could return with you once again.”

“As do I,” Jinki’s voice was slightly muffled with how close he was pressing his face into him. “But there’s only a few more months of my time before you will be down there with me forever.”

“Oh Jinki,” He breathed out quickly. When Jinki rose his gaze again, he was kissed rather roughly, “I love you so much. I’m so lucky to have met you, to be invited into your world. You know I appreciate everything you’ve ever risked for me... For us.”

“I’d give you the entire world Jonghyun. You must know that.”

Before Jonghyun could respond, the church bells over the crest of the hill in the distance chimed, signaling it is six. “I must go, Baby.”

“I will be thinking of you until the next time I can have you within my arms once again, my love.” Jinki pressed one more gentle kiss to his lips before smiling. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Jinki watched as he swam to the shore and up the dirt path to the grass-covered hill at the top. Jonghyun smiled so beautifully as he looked back and waved, the wind blowing softly through his hair, the sun for once using it’s light for something of a wonder as fell across his pretty features. It was only when he was out of sight Jinki lowered into the water. He would take every moment he had to take him in, for he wasn’t sure how long it would be until he saw him again.

As he twisted through the hole at the bottom of the lagoon that led to the greater ocean, he smiled remembering not too long in the future he would be taking the final trip down to his home with the love of his life.

Jawline Kiss (Pg, w/c 367, happens after this old au [x] but before [x] again all you really need to know is Jinki is an Elf, Jjong human (both princes) and their races/cultures are at war with each other(brief mention of.. death?)

Jonghyun had seen Jinki take out half a regiment of men by himself. His hands an instrument of death and destruction if he willed them to be, but as they moved over his waist and down his hips, pulling him back, he couldn’t view them as such. He was so soft, almost delicate,as if he was afraid he would break him if he touched too hard. For the time being that was. Jinki tugged him back against him, holding him close with his arms around his waist and his chin on Jonghyun’s shoulder. He managed to kiss his neck and then his jaw. “I woke up and you were gone from the cot. I grew worried.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Save me.”

Jinki smiled a little, an amused tilt in his voice as he asked, “Which time?”

“The first. Against your people.”

Silence fell between them for some time before Jonghyun twisted in the hold to look up at him. Jinki’s eyes were quick to lock with his own, “Is the reason not obvious enough?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if it was.”

“It’s the same reason as all the other times.” Jinki cupped his cheek, still holding him close with the other arm. “Because I love you. And my kind only falls in love once. I couldn’t… choose anything over you. I won’t.”

“You only fall in love once?”

“I have been with many people in my life, but I’ve never been able to fall in love with any of them.” Jinki pressed soft kisses up his jaw until his lips were brushing the curve of his ear. “Until you, Stardust.”

“I never knew.”

“There’s much about me you have yet to learn.” Jinki smiled, “Now, come back to bed. We have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow.”

As he curved against Jinki’s side, walking back to their tent a short ways away, Jonghyun commented, “You almost sound excited to meet my Father.”

“Oh, not excited.” Jinki hummed. “Just… intrigued.”

“Scared?”

Jinki scuffed as he held the flap open for him, letting him slip through. ‘I’m not scared of any human. Except you, when you’re pissed at me.”

Jonghyun snorted. “Good boy.”

Kiss in the Rain ( pg, w/c 340, set during the epilogue of Bring Us Home AU if you go to read the main fic just know theres a lot of PTSD stuff involved)

They managed to get off the rowboat they rented and made a mad dash to the boathouse to hide from the rain, but more people were gathering in the limited space. Jinki grabbed his wrist, stopping him from continuing. He smile widely as Jonghyun looked back at him as they stood in the middle of the downpour. “What are you doing?”

“We’re already soaked.” Jinki giggled and Jonghyun paused for a moment, startled before he softened at the beauty of Jinki’s glee. “What’s a little more rain?”

“We’ll get sick.” Jonghyun frowned, pushing his hair from his face with his free hand. Then he sighed, avoiding Jinki’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I had this entire day planned for weeks and I just-” He looked at the ground, at the puddle of mud beginning to accumulate around their feet in the edge of the grass. “I forgot to check the weather and our date… it’s ruined, Babe.”

“As long as I am with you, nothing is ruined,” Jinki said as quietly as he could after stepping close so his lips were against Jonghyun’s ear.

In a blink of an eye, Jonghyun was clinging to him, pressing his nose into his neck, “I just wanted to give you something back that was the same. I wanted you to not worry about anything just for one afternoon.”

Dazed, it took Jinki a moment to understand what he meant, but once it dawned on him, he swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Hey, hey come on look at me.” Once Jonghyun had, Jinki took his face between his hands, thumbs moving on his cheeks. “Oh, you sweet little man.” And then he was pressing their lips together, shifting until his arms were tight around Jonghyun’s thin waist. The rain was a bit cold and the way their clothes were plastered to their skin felt uncomfortable, but the kisses were warm and familiar, comforting, and it stopped Jinki from getting too emotional over how much he felt Jonghyun’s love for him.

Stomach Kiss (Pg, w/c 712, Set between [x] and [x] Where Jjongs trans, Jinki’s nonbinary and they’re expecting. This is their I want to raise the baby discussion around month 4 and a half. Warning for conversation mentioning abortion, body dysphoria if that bothers or makes you uncomfy.)

“Hey, Sweetums?” Jonghyun slowly looked up from his stomach where his fingers were gently moving over the taut skin to find Jinki across the way bent over their history paper due the following week. There was a soft, uncommitted hum, and Jonghyun frowned. “Jinki.”

Slowly, they put their pencil down and twisted, a soft, yet tired smile on their face. “Yes, Baby boy?”

“Can we talk?”

Jinki looked back at their spread of textbooks and their laptop and then again at Jonghyun before they had their back toward him for a moment. Then they were standing and turning the desk light off, climbing over the bed until they were hovering a little over him. Jinki smiled sweetly, playing with a curl of Jonghyun’s hair as they softly asked, “Is something bothering you?”

“Have you thought about…” Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered a little as he took a deep breath, moving his left hand to gesture in the general area of his stomach.

“What I want to do after?” Jonghyun could only manage a small nod. Jinki hummed quietly, before resting gently beside him. They reached over and intertwined their fingers with Jonghyun’s left hand, smiling, “I have a bit actually. Is that what you want to talk about?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to go first?” Jonghyun shook his head quickly, and Jinki was quick to squeeze his hand. “Alright, I’ll go.” They flashed a quick smile, meant to be reassuring, before speaking again. Their eyes flicked to Jonghyun’s ever-growing belly before hesitantly placing their hand flat upon it, moving their thumb across the bare skin. “When you told me you were pregnant the first thought through my head was we should end it. My feelings about having children didn’t really matter at that moment. You and your body’s integrity did. However, now, I…”

As their voice trailed off Jonghyun picked up, guessing how Jinki had meant to finish it. “You want to keep them, don’t you sweetums?”

“I love them, Jonghyun.” Jinki had such a beautiful expression on their face. All soft, fond eyes, just a hint of a smile on their lips as they gazed upon the growing child they both made. “They’re made of little parts of each of us, the best parts. The beautiful parts that I haven’t tarnished. If you didn’t want… don’t want to keep them, I’ll understand. At least in time.” Then their head lifted to look at Jonghyun. “I don’t want my thoughts and desires to cloud your feelings and ultimate stance on this. We both have to agree wholeheartedly.”

“This entire experience feels… unlike me.” Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut, letting his head fall back against the headboard of their bed. “I never wanted to experience pregnancy. I never wanted to have my body doing something viewed so feminine and womanly.”

“I know, Baby.”

“But I’ve always wanted children and I’ve seen myself raising children with you for a very long time. I just thought it would be through adoption.” Jonghyun pressed his lips together in a thin line before he opened his eyes to find Jinki’s looking at him. Wide, nervous, but vulnerable. Everything about them was open and understanding and it made Jonghyun want to cry. “What I’m saying Jinki, is that through everything I’m so happy it was you this happened with. I don’t think I could get through it with anyone else. I don’t want to raise a child with anyone else.”

Jinki bit into their lower lip to stop the damn thing from trembling too much, as if they tears threatening to spill over their lashes wasn’t going to give them away. “You want to raise this baby with me?”

Jonghyun squeezed Jinki’s thigh, “I do Sweetums. I want to keep them. They’re ours.”

In very quick moments, Jinki was pressing soft kisses all over Jonghyun’s face. Jonghyun giggled quietly as they did so. Then they pressed a long kiss to his stomach, smiling from ear to ear. “Your Za can’t wait to meet you.”

“Za, huh?”

Jinki’s cheeks were such a pretty shade of pink in the light from the lamp on the table. “I looked up gender-neutral parent names. Just in case.”

“You’re so fucking cute, Sweetums.”

“Shh, language~” Jonghyun snorted as Jinki giggled at their joke.

Chest Kiss (pg-13 because they nakey and post coitus. w/c 344. Star wars au, but after every part, I’ve posted so UH, here’s the tag if you’re interested)

They should be getting up soon to clean up. Both had a Council meeting to attend once they landed on Coruscant, but with the clock flashing on the wall that they had another hour before they dropped out of hyperspace, they figured they could relish in the small moments after making love most of the time they aren’t given the luxury of having. The blanket was behind him, pushed back when he had climbed into Jinki’s lap. The man’s braids were becoming frizzy and coming undone in parts, and Jonghyun made a mental note to redo it for him before they landed. Content in the warmth and presence of the other in the force, Jonghyun ran his fingers over Jinki’s chest softly but stopped as he felt the raised skin of a rather large scar across his pectorals. “How did you get this one?”

“A nasty encounter with spice smugglers a few years back.”

“Oh, that’s right.” He looked up and gave him a sweet kiss. “I do wish you were more careful. I see you more in the Halls of healing than I do alone outside in the Temple.”

“Ever thought I might keep going just to see you?” Jinki grinned, and Jonghyun deemed it illegal across the entire galaxy to look that good post-coitus. “Besides, we just had a two-month long negotiation between the rebels and the Senator on Ryloth. Doesn’t that count?”

“Telling the Senator I did not wish to be pleased with a woman ‘gifted’ to me for the night nine different times was not what I meant by spending time with you.”

“Mm, you’re right. I apologize.” Jinki tilted his head to the left, puzzlement on his expression.

“What?”

“How come the force allowed you to be so beautiful, dear one?”

Jonghyun swatted at his chest from where his hand had still been resting, “Oh do shut up.”

“Ow, that hurt.”

With a sigh, Jonghyun leaned down slightly to press a few soft kisses against Jinki’s chest. “Does that make it better, Love?”

“Quite so, Master Jedi.”

#jongyu #onjong #jonghyun #onew #shinee #god I have a lot of au tags to remember #UH #star wars au #bring us home au #atlantis au #Idk if I remember the tag for the elf one #well shit #anyway #first one we will tag #7 minutes in heaven au

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taevcngs-blog · 6 years ago

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best mistake - taeyong

Genre: Short Series; Fluff. [bad boy, thief, taeyong au!]

Word Count: 3K

Summary: You lived in a world full of books, while he lived in a world full of you.

While you worked in your towns local bookstore, you meet with a thief. He attempts his mischievous ways until you catch him. Sparing his life from the police, you two make a deal, but what you both don’t know is that the deal ends with a plot twist that you’ve only ever read about in books.

A/N: tbh i could of done better with part two, but i have another series in mind and i think that one will be way better than this! anyways thank you for the support and if you liked any bit of this, i appreciate it!

part one | part two

Usually your afternoons consisted of pages, cash and Johnny’s corny jokes between customers. This afternoon was different. This time you felt like you were babysitting, babysitting a grown adult. You managed to convince your boss to hire Taeyong since you needed more workers anyways. You let Johnny know that Taeyong was a close friend of yours, somehow Johnny knew something was a bit odd. He didn’t question you though, but he kept his eye on Taeyong most of the time.

“This… This is the most boring job I’ve ever had, and trust me I’ve gotten fired from a lot of jobs,” Taeyong sighs, resting his head behind the counter.

“Yeah well, keep that head of yours up. You owe me one, remember?” You roll your eyes, stocking the little goodies displayed by check out.

“How can I forget when you practically choked me to death by my hood,” he grumbles.

You squeeze your eyes shut, containing the annoyance bubbling up in you. You grit through your teeth, “I have a hunch we won’t be getting along well, Taeyong.”

He pouts, defensive and taken back, “yeah well start acting like you do before your boyfriend realizes we aren’t really friends-“ before he could continue snapping, you smack his head with one of the items in your hand.

“Ah!” He rubs the mark on his head, glaring at you.

“Could you be any louder?! And what boyfriend are you talking about?!” You angrily whisper.

“Aren’t you and Jackson over there an item?” He nods his head towards Johnny’s direction.

Rolling your eyes you shake your head, “Johnny, is my coworker and close friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Got that, airhead?” You walk away from him before your temper got any worse. You could of sworn you heard him mutter something, but you just brushed it off and continued your usual job.

When lunch time came around, you usually spent that time across the street. There was a great cafe that served amazing warm sandwiches with their drinks. Their tables outside were never dirty, and the service was amazing. Majority of your lunches took place at this cafe as you read your books while enjoying your meal. This time you were writing in your journal, hoping that you would somehow find inspiration at one of your favorite places. Taking a sip from your mug, you look out the glass screen you sat beside, watching the people walk to wherever they needed to. You ignored the bell that rang as another customer walked in.

You can’t help it, it’s still on your mind and you know it. The concept of romance. Most importantly what is romance? Why do you want to write about it so badly if you can’t even understand it. So, the thought came to you; write down anything that makes your heart skip. In order to understand love, you have to feel it. You decided even the small things count, so let's start now.

Continuing to peacefully look out the window, you decide to jot down things that make your heart flutter, even a mental note to yourself if possible. You thought about peoples eyes. You think they say a lot about them, and their expressions. you can almost see someone's thoughts through their eyes and that’s what made them so important to you. You loved humor, if you could joke around with someone, then they automatically made you comfortable. You happen to notice a couple holding hands while passing by. They where everything you always read about when it came down to romance, it was very easy to tell when others are in love, but could it be easy for you to know when you are?

You felt a presence next to you, causing you to look away from the window. You notice Taeyong smiling at you while he has a coffee in his hand along with a few cookies. He looked a bit hesitant, but you figured he just didn’t want to make the interaction anymore awkward.

“Uh hey, I saw you sitting here alone and I thought you might use the company, unless I’m like wrong or something,” He slowly sits down across from you, trying to find any signs of annoyance.

You sigh, deciding to give him a chance, “yeah, I was just finishing up. I thought your lunch break wasn’t till later?” You ask.

“Johnny kind of let me off the hook since I’m new,” he takes a sip of his coffee, eyes wandering to your opened journal. His eyes lightly skim it, noticing some sentences you had written down.

“Are you a writer?” His brow lifts.

“You seem to have a few ideas written down there,” he smiles, interested.

You quickly shut the journal, clearing your throat. Your eyes quickly wander around you out of embarrassment, avoiding eye contact with Taeyong.

“I don’t know if I’ll call myself a writer, but I do write from time to time for fun,” you clear your throat.

You were giving off to much awkward vibes. Just relax, it’s just Taeyong, you thought. Just another person who needs to take responsibility for his mistakes. Remember, he’s a troublemaker.

“Well, if you’re writing and love to do it then you’re a writer. I’m sure you’re a great one too,” he smiles at you again, his smile bigger than before, genuine and warm, his eyes smiling just as much.

Smiles.

You notice how he took child-like sized bites of his cookies, looking out the window so innocently. It was almost mind blowing to you that this is the same man with piercings, bright hair and edgy clothes. It was pure irony to you. His bad boy style completely contrasted to the innocence he portrays in his personality.

Never judge a book by its cover.

You smile back at him, “we still have some time left before we have to go back. So mister trouble maker, tell me more about yourself. Other than snooping and stealing, what else do you do for fun? What type of person are you, really?”

He rolled his eyes, a bit annoyed at your last comment but continued to answer. He gets comfortable in his booth, leaning more into the table. His hands are folded together, his head turning back to the window and watching everything happening from the outside.

“Other than being a laid off worker... I like to dance. If I’m not working, studying or even hanging out with some friends, I’m most likely dancing,” He sighs, but this time it wasn’t out of annoyance, almost like he needed this, he needed someone to talk to.

“I grew up in a pretty, uh, weird household,” he says, a questioning tone in his voice.

“Everyone around me had been going into our family business. I was always different though. My family liked numbers when the only numbers I liked where dance numbers. I was always the family “drama” kid. I still don’t know why I’m different, however I don’t hate it. My dancing elevated to something bigger when I met my best friend, Yuta. He entered my Uni after moving from Japan, and we just clicked. We help each other with our dancing, and now we’re in a dance group. We want it to grow and create our own movement, something big and incredible…” He starts losing track, once he notices he clears his throat and sits back a bit.

“Anyways, I study at Uni hoping that it can impress any company. I could go to my parents for that, however I want to be independent. If I’m going to succeed, I want it to come from my hard work not from theres. The only reason why I went to them is for school loans but they got tired of my constant begging, and threw me out unless I follow the steps of the rest of my family. Now, I’m here working for a bookstore I did wrongly of, talking to a girl who thinks I snoop for fun,” he says the last part lightly, jokingly as if it’s just air, but something about it just hits you.

After listening to his story, you grew a soft spot for him. Maybe you pitied him, felt bad for all he has to go through. Maybe, you just relate to him too much and completely understand where he’s coming from, desiring to help him out. You return with a soft smile, sincere and thoughtful. He could tell by your eyes, and you could tell by his.

Determination.

Strength.

A motivator.

“I’m sorry for misjudging you,” you apologize, breaking the silence.

“Its okay, I honestly don’t blame you. You seem like a strong independent person, I admire that,” he gives you that same smile. The same expression he’s been giving you since he found you. It was soft, it was safe. It made you feel warm, but you figure it’s just nothing.

Before you could respond you check your phone, realizing you’re going to be late to your shifts.

“We’re gonna be late, we should go now!” You grabbed your things, throwing out your leftovers in the nearby trash.

“What about your story?” He asks, throwing his leftovers away too.

You grab his hand, rushing each other out the cafe, “my story can wait, I’m an open book, trust me I have no secrets to hide.”

Warmth.

He looks at you while you guys charge back to the store. His eyes lower to the grip you still have on his hand. Something about this makes him smirk. Taeyong felt like he could get used to this now. You were honest, driven, and responsible yet a complete mystery. He admired your skills, and something told him that maybe he wouldn’t hate this job as much as he thought he would.

The rest of your day became extremely weird after your talk with Taeyong. Weird as in your day consisted of constant stares from Taeyong’s way, finding yourself staring back. Whenever you guys bumped into each other, it became really awkward and you kept finding excuses to leave his side. This was noticed a lot by Johnny as well, which ended up with him giving you a talk on how you should be more open with him if you have a crush, however that conversation ended real quick after cutting him off and denying the fact you felt something for Taeyong.

Connection.

This time the store was closing, and Johnny had already left. Your boss depended on you to lock the place up after cleaning. You thought Taeyong would leave with Johnny, but rather he insisted on cleaning up shelves, probably to make up for the messes he made.

After you finished counting the money in the cash register, you rest, laying against the counter and sighing.

“You look... dead,” Taeyong appears in front of you, dusting off his hands and chuckling.

“I’m going to knock out once I get home,” you groan.

“You’re tired already? Awe man, I was hoping you would finally tell me your story,” Taeyong pouts.

You raise a brow at him, “is that why you stayed here all this time, to just listen about my life?”

He nodded like a puppy, sending a weird feeling to your heart.

You clear your throat, “well aren’t you special.”

“Come on, I’m sure the boss wouldn’t mind if you stayed around a bit longer. No one is going to come in anyways,” he jumps onto the counter, causing you to jump at how close he was to you.

Giving up, you lean forward and nod your head. If you were going to spend any time with him might as well take advantage of the time you currently have.

“Well Lee Taeyong, my life is… Uh, kind of similar to yours? Literature runs in my family, it always has. Whether its being a poet, an author, an english teacher, literature has always just been there. When I’m not at school or working here, I’m usually home writing short stories? Journal entries? Articles? I don’t know exactly what they are yet, but I do know I just write whatever comes to my mind. It’s really therapeutic to me. As much as I love reading and writing, I’m not too sure if that’s what I want to do. I see it more as a hobby rather than a lifestyle,” You stare into space, thinking about the many times you’ve thought about this without telling anyone.

A listener.

Patience.

Care.

“I want to travel, write about my adventures. Now that… that seems like fun to me. A job where I can travel wherever I want to go to, and write about my experiences. I know there’s many jobs that do that, but I haven’t finished school yet, and I kind don’t know if I can handle doing that alone. Besides, Johnny and I don’t have a big friend group, which is probably because I’ve always been focused on building a carrier rather than building a social life. I thrive for success in where I’ll be stable, happy, able to support my family. I guess I’ve never realized how much I needed to build my own source group of friends in order to make that happen. Now I’m here, always have been working here. I see a lot of people from my college here, I just don’t know them well enough. What I do know well is, practically every book in this store. I know what a good plot is, a perfect storyline. I learned a lot about writing through these authors which is why I cherish this cheap job a lot,” you smile, looking up at Taeyong with bright eyes.

Reassuring eyes.

His eyes were soft, completely into your words. He understood you, admired you, read you well. He feels comfortable around you. It hasn’t been a long time, but he feels connected to you in which he has never felt before with anyone else. His past relationships haven’t been near this feeling he holds in his heart right now. Especially when you smile while talking about your passions, pout when you’re tired, and express yourself better than any book anyone could pick up.

Realizing he’s been staring, he blinks rapidly, coming back to earth, “I might not dislike you after all Y/N, perhaps you’re kind of cool.”

“Perhaps you’re not bad yourself, Taeyong,” you chuckle, noticing how much darker its gotten outside.

“Oh shit, it's getting dark. We should really lock up,” You remove yourself behind the counter, putting your jacket on and grabbing the keys.

Meanwhile, Taeyong was still sitting there, watching you in awe. He’s never started liking someone within the same week of meeting them, yet you just had a grasp around his heart. After watching you get ready, he jumped off the counter leaving with you.

“I guess this is where we say goodbye till tomorrow,” You finish locking up, standing outside the doors with him.

“Would you mind if I walked you home? It can be really dangerous around this time, I wouldn’t want anything bad happening to you,” He stuffs his hands in his pockets nervously.

Safety.

Protection.

“I-I actually would really love the company,” Your smile gave Taeyong the confirmation that all he needed was you by his side right now.

The walk back to your apartment was probably the best memory you will ever cherish. You got to know Taeyong more, and he got to know a lot more about you as well.

Someone who you can create and cherish memories with.

The feeling you both got around each other was incredible. You thought you only read about these type of feelings in fiction. The type of fiction that becomes so popular that they turn into hit movies. The type of stories that leave you dreaming, or the type of poems that only a romantic could only relate to. This feeling was greater than any stanza, any sentence, any metaphor you could possibly create. He was a motivator, a listener. He was the balance you’ve been searching for. Someone who can dream with you and someone who gives your world the best chapters any story can ever have.

The way someone looks at you before realizing they’ll have to spend a second without you.

“I guess this is it,” your frown deepens when you realize you’re home.

The sparks when someone touches you.

Taeyong grabs your hands, inching closer to you. His eyes wander all over you; from your eyes, your nose and your lips. An obvious blush grows upon his pale face.

When one look can say a thousand words.

“Y/N… I don’t know if your story involves an amazing sidekick, but if you don’t mind… I would love to take you out one day. I would love to experience more with you, learn more about you, be apart of that story you picture…”

Knowing that one person can change everything about you any time, any place.

“What I’m trying to say is- what I’m trying to ask is, may I take you out on a date? Can I have a chance? I know from a lot of peoples perspective, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but if snooping was the biggest mistake I’ve made then it's certainly the best mistake I’ve ever experienced,” His facial expressions are forced into confidence, only deep down is filled with fear. Fearing more rejection.

Butterflies constantly fluttering in the pits of your stomach.

When was the last time you ever smiled this hard? When was the last time you decided to give anyone a chance? This was your life, your future and it’s time for you to start making changes. It’s time for you to open yourself up to more people, accepting these feelings you’ve been suppressing. This was your chance, and Taeyong was your chance to grow, to love. So you accepted his offer, being the giddiest you have ever been in your life. This was your new chapter, and now things are becoming clearer.

With his excitement jolting through his body, he leans in close to you, planting a gentle yet longing kiss on your forehead. He pulls you in a hug, warming your body and importantly, warming your heart.

Late night exchanges.

This was just the start of building a better future, only you two wouldn’t be facing it alone anymore. Your thoughts then started to make sense to you, it was never about learning about love, it was about building it, experiencing it. That was the missing piece of your plot.

Before he could walk away, in hopes of it becoming the next day already, he turns around to stare once more.

His scent still attached to you, you wave your hand in the air, “just know this won’t get you off the hook, Lee Taeyong!”

“Whatever it takes to spend more time with you, Y/N!” He chuckles while walking away, off to a new beginning, a new chapter.

#taeyong #taeyong fanfic #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2018 #taeyong x reader #taeyong au #taeyong fluff #taeyong series #nct series #nct scenarios #nct au #taeyong imagine #kpop imagines #nct imagines #nct 127 fluff #lee taeyong #taeyong scenarios

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thirstiswet · 6 years ago

Text

this is my entry for the 25 days of chrismuts (@25daysofchrismuts) that @toxiicpop hosted. i'm sure this is a hot mess and theres for sure grammar errors everywhere but hey i tried. pls be gentle. idk what I'm doing but i did it.

Samoa Joe x OFC (elle)

Office AU! elle and joe often fight in the office. everyone knows its just sexual tension and if they just bang it out they'll be fine. its the christmas party and elle has too much to drink and lets slip what she want joe to do to her. he overhears blah blah blah. the good stuff happens :D

warning, smooty smut, unprotected, light choking, some spanks (lbr its joe)

at least 4k? pls tell me if i spelled something wrong or anythings messed up. also endings are hard so i just stopped

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 23

The brewery was built in one of the old textile factories that used to be all around the city, with a large open room and a heated deck outside. It was the perfect place for the annual Christmas party for W.W.E. Publishing, and as always the company owner Mr. McMahon spared no expense. A band had been set up along one of the walls playing a mixture of Christmas music and pop songs. On the opposite side of the room, a photo booth had been tucked in a corner. The entire building was decked in sparkling lights, little Christmas trees, and strategically placed mistletoe.

Joe sauntered in, dressed in a well-tailored deep green emerald suit, making his way to the bar he heard her laughter over the music and crowd. Searching his colleagues he spotted her; Dressed in a strapless burgundy dress that stopped just short of being indecent. She was walking out of the photo booth with Naomi and Paige, her dark auburn hair cascading down her back, her head tipped back in laughter. His eyes followed them back to the table where Charlotte and Becky sat, their new photos in one hand and drinks in the other.

Joe always appreciated how she looked, despite his teasing. He always found it amusing when he would catch her in the break room climbing the counter just to get her coffee fix.

—

Elle was pulling another late night in the office when she decided to take a break and grab a cup of coffee and a snack. She found herself looking everywhere in the office break room just for the bag of coffee that she just knew was there. Finally finding it all the way on the top shelf, she slipped off her heels and climbed on to the counter.

God I hope no one is still here

There’s a deep chuckle from behind her and she freezes, hand on the bag of coffee.

Oh no.

“Now what are you doing up there princess?” His smooth voice questioned, “You wouldn’t want you to fall now would you?” A shiver went down her spine, she knew if she turned right now he would have a smug look on his face. He knew he had an effect on her, whether it be annoyance or arousal, he liked to push her buttons to find out which.

“Joe, how many times do I have to tell you,” grabbing the coffee she turns around, careful not to slip in her stockings “Don’t call me princess.” He was leaning in the doorway, his hands in his pockets, as his burning gaze slowly followed up and down her stature.

Another shiver runs down her spine.

She doesn’t call him out on it.

She should.

Joe doesn’t respond, just continues to undress her with his eyes. Clutching the bag of coffee she hops down from the counter and puts her heels back on. Walking to the coffee maker Elle hears the ruffle of clothes and she can feel the mans towering presence behind her, his body heat rolling off him, his scent all around her.

“You know Elle,” The way he says her name has her stomach dropping, she wonders how his voice would sound between her thighs. *Excuse me, cut that shit out. Do not think about him like that.* “If you wanted to get my attention, all you had to do was ask. You don’t have to wear such short skirts.”

“You—!” Spinning around she found herself just eye level with his mouth, *To close, to close, to close!* His plump lips still making that stupid smile. “You jerk!” Elle smacks his chest as Joe’s hand comes up and grasps her wrist. His grip is just tight enough to not let her pull away.

“Now princess, it’s not very nice to hit.” Joe rubs his thumb over her pulse point and takes a step closer to her. Essentially pinning her against the counter. “Unless you want to be punished.”

He’s close.

Invading her space.

Her pulse quickens and eyes widen. Warmth spreads right down to her core. The image of her bent over his knee flashes in her mind and she quickly tries not to react to it.

She fails.

Joe definitely notices.

Inhaling, all she can make out is him. His cologne not overbearing but still all around her. She holds her breath, just waiting for whatever comes next.

Joe’s dark eyes have a sparkle to them she’d seen often enough, there’s a want to them. “Hmm—” His tongue runs across his lips and Elle is drawn to them almost compulsorily. They look like they would wreak havoc on her, she wants to let them.

If only a little bit.

Joe gives her a light chuckle, lets go of her wrist and walk out of the break room, she finally lets out the breath she'd been holding. Once he gets to the door, he pauses slightly and throws her a wink over his shoulder.

—

Ordering a beer and walking over to where Jimmy and Jey were talking animatedly to AJ. Joe gives Elle a glance, her face shining brightly as she was talking animatedly to Charlotte.

“What do you mean you haven’t played yet?” Jimmy gasped at AJ, the three were talking about Red Dead Redemption 2, which three of the four men had been playing for the past month, “It’s been out for a while!”

“How could you let this happen, man?” Jey nudged Joe to get his attention, “You’re supposed to keep the old man up to date.”

Joe gave a light chuckle “Oh, you know how it goes,” Not really acknowledging them and taking a sip of his beer “Sometimes things slip by.”

Jey laughed following the man's line of sight “Oh, yeah— I’m sure things just slipped by, seeing how you’re always distracted.”

Joe scuffed at him and rolled his eyes. Finally turning to the group and changing the subject.

—

“Elle, what kind of face are you making?” Charlotte laughs, looking over the pictures of Naomi, Paige, and Elle from the photo booth.

“Oh, you mean this one?” Elle bunches up her nose while crossing her eyes as the girls all burst out in laughter.

They have all gathered around a high table Charlotte, Becky, Paige, Naomi, and Elle Drinking beers and talking about their plans for the next few days.

“I just planned on staying home, eating lots of food and drinking lots of wine, while watching A Christmas Story on repeat,” Elle tells the group. ”I never really make big plans anyway.”

“What about you guys?”

“Elle, why does Joe keep looking over here?” Becky points out. Her eyebrow arched as she nods her head in the direction of the man in question.

Across the room, Elle can see him sitting there nursing a beer casually having a conversation with AJ and the Usos. Every once and while he will look over at her. This time, she was staring back. She’d been caught, he gives a small ever intimidating smile and a wink. She can feel herself react, face flush, she lets out a huff of annoyance and turns back around in her seat.

“I can never get any peace from him. Joe always hassles me.” She sighs, getting up and begins pacing in front of the table, “He’s always tormenting me, making fun of me when I climb on things.” Throwing her hands up in frustration, “I can’t help that I’m short!”

She pauses in her rant and downs the rest of her drink, grabs Charlotte’s and finishes hers as well.

“And—! He always has a comment about my skirts!” Elle ends up flailing her arms in defeat, her face beat red from the alcohol and working herself up, “I can’t do anything without him saying something!”

“He has a comment about her skirts because he wants to get in them”, Naomi says just under her breath.

“What—?”

“Nothing!” Naomi loops her arm through Elle’s and starts walking to the bar, “Let’s get some more drinks!”

—

Later into the evening, Elle and Paige find themselves left at the table as the others go off either dancing or make their way under some mistletoe with their significant other.

Just behind Elle, Paige can see Joe at the other table. She gives him a wink and turns her attention back to the brunette.

Everyone in the office is aware of their sexual tension and there’s an ongoing bet of if they’ll crack before, or after the holiday season. Now, if Paige wants to give her friends a gentle push in the right direction, it is not because she had 50 bucks riding on them. Nope. Not at all.

“Girl, are you ever going to admit you have a thing for him?” Paige pops the question.

“Who?” Elle shifts in her chair to face Paige.

“Joe, of course! You never shut up about him!”

“What?! No—! I don’t talk about him all the time!” Elle tries to protest but knows she’s failing.

Tipsy, feeling good and looking good Elle had all the confidence and none of the filter that sober Elle had.

“He just.. just his face...”

She can feel herself flush, if she wasn’t red already she definitely was now.

“Sometimes I want to punch it,” taking a swig of her beer she sighs in frustration and continues, “And other times I want to sit on it. You know what I mean?”

Paige broke out in laughter, “No— no honey, I don’t know what you mean!”

“Just— have you seen him when the group goes out after work?” Elle closes her eyes “That man looks too good in just a white t-shirt and jeans.” A small smile forms on her face as she pictures him. “Too damn good.”

“And... and just some of the things he’s said to me. It’s not even dirty things!” Elle is to lost in thought, not realizing what she saying, just enjoying the thought of it, “God, his voice, it’s just... just so damn seductive. I want him to tell me all the ways he’s going use me—” Eyes popping open in horror at realizing what she said, “Oh my god, I didn’t just say that!” Dropping her head to her hands in embarrassment, she lets out a defeated sigh.

“Lord honey, you definitely need to get laid!” Paige laughs at her friends’ struggle, reaching out she places a hand on her arm and gives a gentle squeeze. Elle uncovers her face and when she makes eye contact with Paige, the Brit gives her a smile and nods in the direction just behind her.

Turning in her seat, her night changes.

Her eyes go wide and her stomach drops. There’s Joe, just behind her, being as nonchalant as ever at a table with the Usos and Naomi. He seems almost bored. Then he looks up, he makes eye contact with her. And the corner of his mouth turns up into a smirk. Like a predator that’s caught its prey.

Whipping around Elle hisses at Paige “Why the hell didn’t you say he was right there?!”

“What?!” Paige feigns confusion, “I have a vested interest in the matter.” Paige gives her a cheeky smile and finishes off the rest of her drink. “And you just kept on talking. I wasn’t going to interrupt.” She pats her arm and gets up to leave, “Now be safe and have fun girly!” Paige gives her a wink and is gone.

Elle is done for.

—

Elle knew he heard the conversation with Paige. There was nothing she could do about it. In a panic, she got up and left the main room. She’s found herself back by the bathroom and another room that could possibly be a cleaning closet or an office.

Taking deep breaths she paces at the end of the hallway.

Oh, this is not good.

“Oh my god-- Oh my god-- Oh my god,” Elle mumbles to herself, stopping in her tracks she rests her head on the wall. Hoping the coolness will help calm her down. It manages to if only a little bit.

“It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. Pull yourself together, get your stuff, and go home. Then drink more to forget this happened.” Elle straightens up and collects herself. Turning around she stops. Frozen in her tracks.

Fuck

He’s at the end of the hallway. Just staring at her. Like he wants to devour her. He looks good. He looks damn good. She hadn’t noticed it earlier in the evening, to busy trying to not look at him. She checks him out and sucks in a breath at his heavy gaze when they make eye contact. Warmth travels down her stomach and a feeling settles heavy between her thighs.

Joe starts stalking towards her. One hand in his pocket, he rubs his chin with the other.

“Now, now, now, where do you think you’re going?”

Elle can’t breath— She’s hot— Her heart is pounding— Bad ideas are about to happen.

He’s halfway down the hall. “You can’t just say something like that,”

Five feet

“And then run away.”

Right in front of her

“You shouldn’t make comments like that if you don’t want to suffer the consequences—“ Joe smiles at her, it’s a dangerous smile. There’s a look in his eyes that she can’t describe and she’s not sure she wants to. He takes a step towards her, backing her against the wall.

“Unless—“ Elle sucks in a breath in anticipation. Her body is on fire. He places a hand on the wall just above her head, “You want them.” His other hand gently goes to her waist. There’s a jolt that runs through her body at the contact. It’s not an unpleasant feeling.

“Unless you want to be punished for it. If you want to be put on your knees to suck a cock. Or fucked from behind against a wall. Do you want to be forced to come over and over again?” Elle lets out a small whimper. Yes. Yes, she did want these things. She’s wanted them for a while if she’s being honest with herself.

Leaning in close, his voice just above a whisper, “Would you like me to do those things to you princess?” She could feel his warm breath caress her cheek. The way he says princess has her shuddering where she stands.

He was close, so close, barely touching her.

His hand slid down the wall making her feel more caged in. While his other hand squeezed her hip. She licked her lips and his eyes watched the movement. Undeniable desire now in his eyes.

She could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“Y-Yes.”

“Finally.” He growled out, surging forward and capturing her lips. His kiss was rough, but she gave as good as she got. He bit the bottom of her lip and Elle moaned into his mouth. One of Joe's hands cupped the back of her head, gripping her hair forcing her to tilt her head back. He mouthed over her neck sucking and biting, knowing he would leave a mark. She wanted that brand, she wanted to feel possessed by him, to be consumed by him. Elle clawed at the front of his jacket needing him closer, need him all around her.

They separate. Both trying to catch their breath. Joe, eyes closed, rests his forehead against hers. “Princess,” He sounds out of breath, tormented, like he’s restraining himself, “We should go if we want to continue.”She knows there’s no going back from this. She doesn’t want to, she wants him. In every way.

—

The short car ride to Joe’s place is tense. Like at any moment a match could be set ablaze and they both would be swallowed up by the flames.

His hand stayed possessively on her thigh. The warmth from his touch made her feel both safe, and in danger. Elle clenched her thighs and moved slightly in the seat, trying to find some kind of relief or calm. But the entire situation was not calm. Nothing with Joe is ever calm.

As soon as she steps across the threshold she’s picked up and shoved against the door slamming it shut. His lips are on her collarbone making their way up her neck. Elle grabs the back of his head, gripping his hair and moves him to her mouth. He growls into her kiss at her control. His kiss is rough, desperate, and hungry, and she craved more. One of Joe’s hands moves down her thigh, gripping it tight and pulling her in closer. She could feel the swell of his cock against her and she loves it.

His other hand moves between them, sliding under her dress going straight for her lacy panties. "Hmm, I think someone wanted to get some attention tonight.” She lets out a moan as his hand moves her panties to the side and he finds her clit. His thumb moving in a slow methodical movement, while his finger parts her folds, feeling the wetness, teasing her. It's agonizing. She wants more. She wants this torture. As long as he’s the one doing it.

Joe gives her a fierce kiss, moving down her neck licking and sucking wherever he can, leaving light bite marks on the tops of her breast. He gives one of them a squeeze. The path that his lips made burned, it was like a hot trail going down her body and she never wanted it to end. Continuing his way down he lifts up the front of her dress and mouths over her center.

His teeth latch on to her panties and he’s pulling them down her waist. He slides them off her, and he’s back to leaving love marks on her thighs, “These panties, are mine now,” Looking down at him her eyes heavy with lust, “Joe,” She needs him. Now. She doesn’t want to wait any longer, she can’t, “Please.”

“Well since you begged so nicely.”

He devours her. Messy kisses. Tight grips. The flat of his tongue licks up her folds and rolls around her clit. She can feel him hum gently against her, the vibrations sending a jolt through her body. She grabs his head holding him still against her cunt. He slides a finger into her, thrusting in and out of her, it’s the most pleasurable torture she’s had and she needs more. His finger curls inside her, looking for that sweet spot. Joe runs a hand up the back of her thigh giving her ass a hard smack and he rubs a smoothing circle to easy the pain. Elle jumps at it, pushing Joe’s head closer. The sensations coursing through her are setting her ablaze. She can feel that coil tighten and she knows it won’t take much more to push her over the edge.

“Joe- ohh!” Elle’s voice is shaking, it's needy. Her leg slides up of its own accord, Joe throws it over his shoulder, giving him more leverage and her support. He slides in another finger continuing his messed kiss to her heat. mmmh please don’t...don’t stop. Her toes curl in her heels, and she's a mess of moans and pleas of ‘don’t stop’ and ‘more.’ She’s just *so* close.

“Princess?” Joe hums into her, “I want you to cum for me.” A gasp is heard from above him, he continues to thrust his fingers in and out of her, thumb rubbing faster against her clit, alternating with his tongue.

“Do that,” Tongue twirling, fingers curving inside her hitting her just right- Oh please, “And I’ll fuck you,” The leg over his shoulder begins to shake, he knows she’s close, “Right here.”

“Elle”

That’s what sends her over the edge. The sound of him saying her name between her legs. The low, raspy, needy way he says it. Her entire body is electric, tremors quake through her, the grasp she has on Joe’s head tightens as does his grasp on her.

He eases her down her high. Kissing and nibbling her thigh, he gives her another love bite and comes up and smashes their lips together. She can taste the tanginess of herself and she likes it. She wasn’t expecting that. He pulls away just enough for her to watch him suck off his fingers, that were just in her, into his mouth. It is the hottest thing she has ever seen.

Elle grabs his suit jacket pulls him so they are nose to nose. Heavy breathing peppered his face. She’s needy and desperate and he loves it.

“Joe.” Her body is a hum of energy again. She’s staring at his plump lips wanting them to continue their assault on her body, “Fuck me.”

He happily obliges.

Grabbing her legs, he brings them up to wrap around his hips. A hand roams up her thigh to squeeze her ass, holding her in place, while the other moves up her, sliding between the valley of her breast up to rest at her neck, he gives it a soft squeeze. There’s a breathy noise that come out of her and she needs more. She wants more of more. Ahh!

His cock is throbbing against her and she grinds her wet pussy on him. She needs him. She wants to feel his hot flesh against her. Joe helps her take off his jacket and lets her claw her way under his dress shirt. Fuck He’s an expanse of muscle and strength and beauty. His tan skin glistens with sweat and she wants to leave marks all down his back. She wants to mark him up just as much as he want to do to her. Elle drags her hands down his torso, loving the way his skin jumps at the sensation, dragging her hands lower she unbuttons his pants and goes to cup him through his boxers. He lets out a strangled moan against her neck and his hand tightens around her throat.

He snaps.

He lets go of her throat and moves her hand out of the way, pulling his cock out he rubs it against her lips, spreading her wetness, and without warning pushes into her. Simultaneously, its everything she new it would be and nothing she's ever had before. The feel of him finally in her, that light burn of him stretching her, the feeling of fullness. Her nails scrape down his back as his hips move in and out of her “Joe- fuck!” He chuckles at her breathiness, a hand moves down between them to her clit and she cries out at the feeling.

“Is this what you wanted princess? Did you want me to ruin you? Did you want you to make you mine?” His words were all around her, they seeped into her, she wanted to be possessed by him. Yes. His hips snapped against her harder, she was getting close again. Her head lulled back against the door and at her exposer of her neck he attacked it. Leaving searing bruises all over, she knew there was going to be a mess of purple marks all over her body the next morning and she couldn't wait to find them all.

She rolls her hips and cries out a mumble of curses when he hits that spot inside her. “FUCK princess.” He grunts out as he rocks against her. The hand thats been holding her up comes to wrap around her throat, squeezing, the feeling of tightness bringing her closer, “You feel perfect around me. Will you cum again for me?” He whispers the question in her ear, out of breath, but so damn possessive.

He begins to fuck her harder against the wall. Building up to push her over. His thumb against her clit moving ever so quickly, building the friction, “I want you to cum again for me.” He bites at her ear, the fire inside her growing, she going to burst, “I want you to cum on my dick,” She close. She's so close she can taste it, she needs something, she needs a push. “And then I’m gonna to fill you up.” At that statement, mixed with the feeling of his hand on her throat just enough to where its hard to breath in, she's done, all the sensations tipping her over the edge. She's shaking around him, her walls fluttering on his cock.

“God-”

“Fu-”

He’s kissing her, hips moving erratically, he's lost control. His grip on her throat still present. The after shock of her orgasm sending him into his own. Hips stuttering, a warmth fills up inside her as he grunts out her name. They stay that way for a moment, both leaning into each other, knowing they need to separate and get cleaned up but not wanting to break away.

Realization of what just happened hits her. She should be concerned. She should be in a panic of oh shit that just happened, but she's not.

She’s not.

At least not yet.

#samoa joe #samoa joe fic #25 days of chrismuts #fic #julia tries writing #this was hard and i was struggling #i know i probably wrote him ooc but like this is also my first long af fic

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thedarkgodmogar · 6 years ago

Text

Intimacy

Hi I wrote a fic that took all fucking month please read it. Here’s the ao3 link.

Rating: Explicit

Warning: it’s trans sting so theres some mentions of dysphoria and other trans-related issues

Rogue helps Sting realize he’s not broken, and overcome his issues with intimacy.

Sting’s never been good with intimacy. He wishes he was; he wants to be good with it. Sometimes he dreams about it: cuddling on the couch, holding hands while walking down the street, touching himself and his partner without fear. He loves the idea of intimacy. But he hates himself too much to go through with it.

Him and Rogue have been officially dating for six months. Honestly, not a whole lot has changed. They’ve lived together since they were children, slept in the same bed, and always told each other everything. Rogue was the first person Sting came out to, even if it was more out of necessity, since Rogue had seen him naked. They would have let it go if Sting wasn’t ready to say anything, but still. Sting owed them some kind of explanation. They trust each other with everything.

But for some reason, Sting can’t trust them with this.

They’re sitting on the couch, movie playing forgotten on their lacrima TV, and they’re kissing. This, Sting is fine with. He loves kissing. He loves Rogue’s hand in his hair, loves the way Rogue laughs when Sting’s stubble tickles their chin, loves the way it makes him feel warm and fuzzy down to his toes.

It’s when Rogue moans and accidentally rubs against his thigh that Sting tenses up.

Rogue must notice. They pull back, looking at Sting with a mix of confusion and concern, “Sting…? Everything ok?”

Sting nods quickly, the words coming out too fast to be convincing, “Yup! Yea! Totally fine!”

Rogue gives him one of their expasterated don’t lie to me looks. Sting suddenly becomes fascinated with a stain on the couch. Maybe Rogue spilled some wine at some point- it’s red and kinda circular but not enough to look purposeful-

“Sting.” A soft hand cups his cheek, Rogue’s voice equally soft and soothing. “Talk to me, love.”

Sting can’t help but press into the touch. Everything about Rogue is calming; they’ve always shined like a lighthouse in the stormy sea of life. Sting knows he can tell them anything without judgement or ridicule.

But still, Sting stammers, struggling to sort his fears into words, “I...I don’t… I know you...want me but I, uh…”

Rogue tries to keep their face neutral, purely a listener, but Sting sees the flash of hurt in their eyes. “You don’t want me?” “No! No that’s not it,” Sting says quickly. He grabs Rogue’s hands, holding them tight. “I do want you, Rogue. I want you more than anything. I love… I love cuddling with you and kissing you and holding your hand and just being with you but…” He blushes, nodding down to the part of Rogue that was just grinding against his leg. “I don’t know if I can...do that…”

Sting isn’t really sure if Rogue understood- he hopes they did. He doesn’t really want to go further into it right now in fear of spiraling into a hateful hole of dysphoria. Luckily Rogue’s face turns bright red and they look down at themselves sheepily.

“Ah…” they clear their throat, “W-Well I… I didn’t mean to… pressure you into anything. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, or aren’t ready for. But I...must admit I’m a little confused.”

Sting tilts his head, “Confused?”

Rogue nods. They’re blushing furiously now- it’s fucking adorable. “I just… thought maybe this might be something you want. You’ve been...doing stuff in your sleep.”

Sting’s eyes widen, face red as a tomato. He has no doubt he looks like a fish with his mouth opening and closing, struggling to form words.

Rogue’s not wrong. Sting’s been incredibly sexually frustrated lately, and it doesn’t help that Rogue likes to go shirtless around the house in the summer with that damn ponytail. Unable to do anything about it while awake, all that frustration has manifested itself in his dreams. Almost every night he has a dream about Rogue touching him, or vice versa. He’ll have a dream where Rogue fucks him into the mattress, whispering all kinds of lewd things in his ear, then wake up wet and uncomfortable and hating himself.

It’s easier in dreams. He doesn’t have the wrong body in his dreams.

Sting’s decided he really doesn’t want to have this conversation anymore. He’s about to get up and hide out somewhere when Rogue grabs his wrist. “Sting, wait!”

Sting has half a mind to pull away from Rogue and keep walking, but he’s never been able to do that in his life and he’s not going to start now. Especially not when Rogue sounds so frantic.

“If this is about your body, you know I don’t care about that,” Rogue says, “I don’t care what parts you have or don’t have. All I care about is you-”

“I care!” Sting whirls around to face Rogue, face red and splotchy with the effort of holding back tears. “I care, Rogue! I know we’ve seen each other naked and you think it’s not a big deal but it is! This-” he gestures to himself, “isn’t me! I can’t do anything a regular guy can do! I don’t…”

Rogue suddenly pulls Sting into a tight, bone-crushing hug. Sting sinks into it immediately, Rogue’s arms a barrier of comfort and warmth against his insecurities. He knows Rogue’s love is unconditional; all they’ve ever wanted was to make Sting feel loved. But this… there’s so many things that can go wrong with this. Sex and small, casual moments of intimacy are two totally different ball games. Sting can’t lie to himself, he does want it, but he isn’t sure if he can handle it when he’s broken like this.

“I love you, Sting,” Rogue murmurs softly in his ear. “I won’t pressure you into anything. Just know if this is something you want… I’ll give you anything. We can go as fast or as slow as you need, my love. You have always been a man. Having sex won’t change that.”

Their hands rub his back in soothing circles. Sting lets out a shaky breath; Rogue always knows exactly what he’s afraid of, if they hadn’t known each other for so long Sting would think they’re a mind reader.

“Are you sure…?” Sting whispers, because he has to be sure. It’s not only their first time, it’s the first time Sting would let Rogue touch him in a sexual way, the first time anyone-himself included- has touched him. He has to be sure it won’t change the image of the man he sees in Rogue’s eyes- the man he strives to be.

“Yes.” Though there’s still tears in the corner of their eyes, Rogue’s gaze is steady. It calms Sting in a way he almost can’t understand. It wasn’t a dismissive “of course” or “I’m sure.” It was a strong, unarguable yes.

Yes. I will always love you. I will always accept you.

Yes, I can only love you more.

Sting isn’t actually sure who moved first. He thinks it was him. (He’d like to believe it was him, when this is all over and they’re cuddled in bed. He would like to think he was brave enough to move after that.) They’re kissing again, arms wrapped around each other, hands gripping hips and tangling in hair, as if afraid the other might disappear and their touch was the only thing holding them there. Despite the desperation in their hands, the kiss is soft, questioning, treading waters yet unexplored.

Rogue moans and grinds against Sting, and this time he lets them. In fact, Sting grinds right back, moaning in surprise at the jolt of heat that spears through his belly.

Rogue pulls back for one agonizing second, and Sting whines, trying to chase after their lips. Rogue laughs and gently puts a hand on his face to hold him back.

“Shhh, love. Bed.”

“Oh...Oh right!” Sting grins sheepishly and takes Rogue back into their bedroom, Rogue refusing to let go of his hand the whole time.

Once the door closes behind them, it’s as if the whole atmosphere changes. Sting’s palms start sweating, hands shaking, heart beating a mile a minute. It’s the same as the day he officially took over as guild master- that feeling of the world sitting on his shoulders. What if he messes this up? What if he isn’t any good? What if Rogue hates it or they see him with his clothes off and change their mind-

“Sunshine?” Rogue’s calm voice penetrates through his anxious thoughts. “You’re thinking too much again.”

Sting just laughs nervously, looking down at his bare feet.

A gentle hand tips his chin back up, and Sting sees the loving, patient smile on Rogue’s face. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. We’re going at your pace. You’re in charge, my love.”

“I hate being in charge,” Sting mumbles.

“But being in charge here doesn’t mean paperwork or meetings,” Rogue chuckles and pulls Sting into another kiss. Sting laughs into the kiss, less nervous and more genuine.

“Seriously,” Rogue continues, “anything you want. If you want me to just touch you, that’s fine. We can touch each other at the same time. If you don’t want to be touched at all… well, I’ll feel a little bad about it, but that’s fine too.”

Sting hides his laugh in Rogue’s shoulder, arms wrapping around their waist, “You’re too giving…”

“No,” Rogue says, kissing Sting’s temple, “You just deserve the world.”

Sting isn’t sure if he believes that, but he knows Rogue does wholeheartedly, and they��ve always been the smart one.

They stand in the middle of the room for a moment, arms wrapped around each other, Rogue offering comfort as Sting thinks. They don’t push or shove or try to rush him, and Sting appreciates that immensely. Honestly, he has no idea what he wants, or where this night is going to lead, but there is something he’s always wanted to try…

“Sit on the bed…?” Sting asks.

Rogue nods, making sure to keep a hand interlocked with Sting’s as they sit on the edge of the bed, looking at him with so much love and patience Sting has trouble breathing for a minute.

Sting takes a deep breath and slowly gets down on his knees in front of Rogue. He isn’t exactly sure what he’s doing, but he’s read a little bit about it, and of course there’s what he’s heard from the older members of the guild. Almost everyone does it at some point; it can’t be that hard, right?

Rogue’s breath hitches when Sting pulls down their sweatpants and boxers, taking their cock in his hand. He tries to mask the uncertainty in his movements as he strokes the shaft. He doesn’t do a great job, apparently.

“Ahh, Sting, like this…” Rogue covers Sting’s hand with their own, showing him what to do until their cock hardens in his hand. “Y-Yea, like that,” they moan, hand falling away.

Sting plays with the head of their cock, fingers moving like Rogue showed him. He watches their face- their skin is flushed a pretty pink, red eyes half-lidded and blown with lust, turning the color even darker, like black raspberries. They’re watching Sting with a heated gaze that sets his skin on fire.

“Rogue, I wanna…” Sting trails off. He isn’t exactly sure how to tell a person hey, I really wanna suck your dick without sounding weird. Not to mention the fact he doesn’t know how to suck dick. Maybe he’s getting too ahead of himself. He should just keep doing this, Rogue seems to enjoy it anyways. Yea, this is fine- “Sting,” Rogue groans, “You’re doing it again.”

Sting blushes, realizes his hand stopped moving, and speeds up again. “S-Sorry…”

Rogue grabs his wrist. “Sting, if you don’t want to do this-”

“I do,” Sting quickly cuts them off. “I do want to do this! I just...dammit. Fuck-” Annoyed at his inability to speak, Sting takes action instead. He drops his hand and licks a hot, messy stripe up Rogue’s cock.

“O-Oh shit-!” Rogue gasps. They have to grip the side of the bed to keep from falling off of it. “S-Sting wait…!”

Sting doesn’t listen, worried that if he stops now he’ll lose all courage. Going off what little knowledge he has, he sucks on the head of their cock, feeling it twitch in his mouth.

A hand buries in Sting’s hair, and they both moan. The air is hot and thick, the smell of sex and sweat filling the room. Sting’s surprised with how much he likes this- having Rogue’s cock in his mouth, feeling it twitch on his tongue, hearing their moans above him. The pleasured response encourages him. He sucks down more of their cock- only to choke and have to pull back with a cough.

“S-Sting…!” Rogue’s voice fills with concern, their hands coming up to cup his face, “Are you ok?”

Sting nods quickly, though in actuality his throat is burning and his jaw hurts. How the hell is this so difficult? Trying to fit it all in his mouth and keeping his damn teeth out of the way- He hears people talk about it all the time at the guild; did they have such a rough first time too? Or is he just doing this completely wrong?

Rogue’s fingers gently weave through his hair, stroke down his cheek and rub over the soreness in his jaw. “Let’s slow down a bit, ok…? Take it one step at a time.”

“But…” Sting bites his lip, and Rogue pulls him up so they can kiss it.

“Shhh, no buts...unless it’s your butt.”

Sting laughs, “Yea yea, ok.” He wraps his hands back around Rogue’s cock exactly the way they showed him earlier. Their skin burns against his hand, their moans echoing through the room, and when they finally cum their voice is a melodious symphony of ecstasy.

“O-oh...oh Sting…” They gasp and shiver in Sting’s hold. He watches, enraptured with the way Rogue’s face is flushed pink, their mouth open in a soft o, their breathing coming in short pants before slowly evening out as their orgasm subsides.

Beautiful…

Rogue looks down at Sting and there’s so much love in that look it takes Sting’s breath away. A small, fond smile spreads across their face, tipped with post-orgasmic bliss. “I love you…”

Sting blushes, about to answer when Rogue’s smile turns nervous, “Um, Sting… can I…” They chew on their lip- Sting has trouble concentrating on anything else. “Can I...feel free to say no. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. I just… can I touch you too…?”

There’s a long moment where Sting doesn’t answer. He tries to picture Rogue touching him like that- their hand around his cock, or maybe even their mouth if they wanted. The thought makes him shiver: he wants that.

But when he looks down at himself, he’s reminded he can’t have it. He doesn’t have a dick- or, at least, not one big enough Rogue can put their hand around it. He’s been on hormones for two and a half years now. There’s been a lot of changes and a lot of growth that have made him so happy, growing into the man he’s always dreamed of being has made him the most confident he’s ever been in his life, but it’s still not right. And it will never be exactly right without the surgery.

But he can’t afford both bottom surgery and top surgery. Hoping for both- at least anytime soon- is unrealistic. Not to mention the complications that go along with it. He may never have the chance for bottom surgery. Is he really going to live a life of goddamn celibacy just because he got stuck with the wrong parts at birth?

He hates himself, and it’ll be a long, hard road to lessen that hate, but maybe… If Rogue can accept him like this, then he can learn to accept himself to.

“I...yes…” Sting’s voice is barely above a whisper. He looks at Rogue, anxious and unsure, but still with love. Always with love.

Rogue kisses the scar over Sting’s eyebrow, then his lips, so Sting can taste their smile.

“Thank you, sunshine,” Rogue whispers, reverent, as if thanking a god who just bared them a gift.

It makes Sting blush. He keeps kissing Rogue even as they lay him down on his back. Their hands wander over his body, mapping uncharted territory with a wonder and softness that makes Sting shiver. They stay clear from the binder still covering his chest, and Sting can’t appreciate them enough for it.

Their hands are replaced with their mouth, kissing over Sting’s jaw, his shoulders and down his arms. They kiss each of his fingers, and it takes Sting a moment to realize they’re whispering words into his hands.

“I love you- for staying with me.”

“For saving me.”

“For protecting me.”

“For being the only person who could make me laugh.”

“For loving me.”

Sting only stares, speechless, as Rogue continues kissing down his body. He hadn’t been expecting this...intensity at all. He had thought Rogue would be shy and careful in touching him, afraid he might snap. But no, they’re… they’re practically worshiping his body.

Fuck.

There are tears on Sting’s face, and his chest is so tight and full of love he feels like he might explode. He has no idea what he’s done to deserve any of this.

“R-Rogue…”

They kiss down his stomach, pressing a kiss to each of his hips, then pause at his boxers. They look up at Sting, red eyes questioning, asking is this still ok?

Several breaths later, Sting nods.

Rogue tugs his boxers off, throws them to the floor, then turns to at Sting. Their breath catches in their throat; Sting is shaking under them, a blush on his tear-stained cheeks, his hair a mess of blond curls, totally naked except for the binder covering his chest.

“Beautiful…” Rogue breathes.

“W-What?”

“You,” Rogue repeats, “are beautiful.” They trace the curves of his body with their palms as if committing every nook and cranny, every perfection and imperfection, to memory.

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Sting whispers, his blush growing more pronounced.

“Why not?” Rogue looks in his eyes with a kind smile. “It’s the truth. Aren’t you the one always saying the truth deserves to be said?”

“Don’t throw my own words back at me!”

Rogue laughs, “Sorry, sorry.” Their hands trail up Sting’s thighs, making him shiver, when they pause and Sting sees the first sign of uncertainty they’ve shown since this started in the furrow of their brow. “Um…”

“What?” Sting asks.

“It’s...um…” Rogue blushes, and if Sting wasn’t so nervous he would call them cute. They look down and away, tugging their lip between their teeth. “I’m...not sure what I should do.”

Oh. Right. Rogue’s been so sure of themselves through this Sting forgot this is their first time too. That...makes this a little awkward.

“Oh fuck, this is embarrassing,” Sting groans and grabs a pillow to put over his head.

He hears Rogue laugh nervously, “I did kinda kill the mood a bit, didn’t I? Sorry, should I…?”

Sting tugs the pillow down enough so he can see Rogue over it. They’re looking at him again; Sting can still see the wonder in his eyes. It almost makes him pull the pillow back up. “No, it’s...fine. Maybe just...um...just touch me? And I can uh, tell you what feels good? Or what doesn’t?”

Rogue nods. A second later Sting feels their hands on his thighs start moving again, then a soft touch against his labia, making him gasp.

It feels...good? Sting isn’t sure. But Rogue’s running two fingers up and down his slit, making him shiver. They keep one hand anchored on his thigh, kneading gently, and then a finger dips in and touches his cock and- oh yes.

“Oh Rogue,” Sting gasps, “It’s- there. That felt good. Keep touching there.”

“Fuck…” Rogue strokes a finger up and down Sting’s small cock. They can’t take their eyes off his face, mesmerized as his mouth opens on a moan, his eyes flutter shut, and his blush spreads all the way to that stupid pillow he’s holding over his chest. “It really feels that good…?”

“Yes,” Sting breathes. Neither one of them really know what they’re doing, but it still feels like someone’s lit tiny fireworks under Sting’s skin. He can’t seem to hold still, squirming on the bed and wrapping his legs around Rogue’s waist.

And then Rogue adds another finger, stroking and squeezing his cock, and Sting sees stars.

“Rogue Rogue Rogue-” Sting gasps and moans, voice high and breathy, climbing higher and higher until suddenly the world explodes around him in a fraction of light.

Rogue pulls their hand away as Sting comes back down. He shudders under them, breathing hard, thighs sticky, feeling like a bomb of pleasure just exploded inside him.

“Fuck…”

Rogue’s voice filters through the fog in his mind, “-ing. Sting, you ok?”

Sting nods weakly, opening watery eyes to look at Rogue. Maybe it’s the trick of the light, or he’s just seeing things, but it looks like Rogue’s glowing-

Wait, no.

He’s glowing.

He raises a shaking hand to see a faint white glow around his fingers, trailing down his arm. It’s faint enough not to blind anyone, but bright enough to reflect the light across Rogue’s features, as if they’re sharing his light.

“You’re glowing, love,” Rogue whispers softly. Their hand is gently stroking Sting’s jaw, the touch filled with wonder.

“Haha…” Sting slowly lowers his hand back down, blushing. “This...happens when I get really happy sometimes…”

Rogue’s smile is bright enough to rival Sting’s magic. “So you are happy, then?”

“Yea...Yea I am.” Sting smiles softly, because it’s true. One of the reasons he was so hesitant to do this was because he was scared he’d go into a dysphoria-driven panic attack as soon as it’s over, but now that it’s done he doesn’t feel weird. He feels closer to Rogue then ever. He feels happy.

Rogue kisses him softly. “I love you, sunshine.” They pause, then suddenly they’re laughing, “Huh, guess now you’re a literal ball of sunshine!”

“Oh shut up!” Sting laughs and wacks Rogue with the pillow he had been holding to his chest the whole time.

Rogue only catches it, tossing it aside. “Well, was that as good as your dreams?”

“Better than my dreams.”

Rogue laughs, and Sting swoops in to kiss them again.

“Alright, alright. Sting-” Rogue’s still giggling as they gently push Sting away. “Come on, we should go get cleaned up.”

Sting nods, and Rogue pulls him to his feet. They both pause on the way to the bathroom. Sting traces his fingers around the edge of the binder, but eventually shakes his head and takes it off. He’s with Rogue, who has shown their love for him as strongly as they can over and over. Sting may hate his body, but Rogue loves him. He has nothing to hide here.

Rogue says nothing, just smiles and squeezes Sting’s hand. They climb into the too-small bath together, two bodies folded into each other like missing puzzle pieces. They wash each other’s hair, laughing when Sting starts purring, then frantically grabbing a washcloth when soap gets in the others eye, small intimate moments that are worth a lifetime.

It’s messy and clumsy and not quite right, but it’s still them. It’s still Rogue, who cries over romance novels and gets overprotective over the stupidest things. And it’s still Sting, who gives his all for his guild and expects nothing in return, who constantly forgets to wear his contacts and who believes in the five second rule when food falls on the floor. It’s still two people who have gone through hardships unimaginable, and come out hand-in-hand stronger than ever.

And because it’s them, it’s perfect.

#my fic #fairy tail #fairy tail fanfic #stingue #sting x rogue #sting eucliffe #rogue cheney #trans sting #nonbinary rogue #techinically #it isnt stated but they use they/them pronouns cause i cant use he for rogue anymore

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hartenstraat-laura · 6 years ago

Text

A Little News

TAGGING: Laura Annenberg & Steve Rogers

TIME FRAME: Late night, September 9th, 2018

LOCATION: Their apartment

NOTES: Well... Surprise, Laura’s got a bun in the oven and she doesn’t know how to react.

WARNINGS: Mentions of a past pregnancy, a miscarriage, and some other sad things.

Laura

Laura felt her heart pound as she looked down at the two pink lines on the plastic stick within the grip of her shaking hand. She hadn’t felt this much fear - and uncertainty since she was a teenager. In truth, Laura had even wondered if she’d ever even be able to conceive again, given what she had gone through with her ex, and just how horribly he had treated her. However, the pregnancy test she held in her hand wasn’t the first, but it was certainly the last. Three tests surely couldn’t be wrong. She was pregnant. It explained the sudden burst of illness she’d had a few weeks back, the aching in her breasts, and the obvious absence of her period. She had thought that stress had gotten to her, that she had just been experiencing a late period thanks to it, but apparently not. “I can’t do this.” She let out, her breathing uneven as she sat back against the tub. Beads of sweat began to form on her forehead as she thought about the life that had been growing within her. How far along was she? How much damage had she done to the little life growing inside of her? Due in part to her anxiety about what she may or may not have done to her child, and the fact that she’d blatantly ignored the obvious, a loud scream sounded from her, frustration ebbing from the cry as she slammed her hand down against her thigh, not knowing what else to do, despite the fact that she was freaking out.

Steve

It wasn't that daytime cooking shows didn't fascinate Steve, but the yell that came from the bathroom felt like it was waking him from the dead. He shot up on autopilot, moving swiftly until he was at the bathroom door. If it had been locked before, it sure wasn't now, seeing as he was holding the knob in his hand. His eyes quickly scanned the room, assessing. "Laura? What happened?"

Laura

Laura looked up as soon as the door opened. She was sure that she had locked it, especially with a bag of pregnancy tests, she didn't want to take the chance of Steve accidentally walking in on her. "What does it look like, Steve?" She let out, knuckles white as she dug her nails into the palm of her hand. "Look at the tests on the counter, they all say the same thing." It felt like she had failed somehow, how Laura didn't know, but that anger, that seed of doubt, and that pain of her first pregnancy all came flooding back to her, and despite her better efforts, tears began to well in her large brown eyes.

Steve

Steve had never seen a pregnancy test before, and picked one up before he realized what it was. He looked over it, back at Laura, and then set it down, taking a seat on the floor next to her. He didn't say anything for a few moments, collecting his thoughts. "...I'm sorry I barged in here." Mentally, he added that he had thought she was in danger, but now didn't seem like the time to say it. "Do you want me to go?" It wouldn't be the kind of time he'd want to be alone.

Laura

Slowly, she brought her knees up to her chest, and hugged her legs, allowing herself to drop the pregnancy test on the floor in the process. Laura tried to regulate her breathing, to ignore the slamming beat of her heart. Suddenly, she could feel the warmth of Steve's body next to her by the tub and let out a deep sigh. "You don't have to be sorry for anything." She murmured, turning slowly to look at him. "You can do what you want. I know it's probably pathetic of me to be sitting on the floor of the bathroom like this, so you dont have to join in on my pity party if you have better things to do."

Steve

Steve realized that he was still holding onto the doorknob, and he dropped it to the floor with a hollow metallic thump. He wrapped his arm around Laura, and gave a long breath out of his nose. "Then... I think I'm going to stay right here." He scooted in a little bit closer. "So........ three, huh? That's... no small amount of pee." He was going to say anything for a laugh.

Laura

Laura allowed herself to relax against him, her head naturally finding the curve between his shoulder and neck, and nestling her head in the crook of it. "Thanks, Steve-o." She let out, voice soft as she stared at the tile on the floor, tears streaming down her face. A light, yet short, chuckle sounded from the back of her throat and a small shake of the head came from her. "No... I pulled a Juno and got two big jugs of juice and drank them, and well you know the rest. The jugs are in the tub." Why she had decided of all places to put them there, she didn't quite know, but they sat there, practically mocking her.

Steve

Steve didn't know what a Juno was. His extensive post-ice film education hadn't quite hit upon teen indie darlings yet, but there was still plenty of time. He glanced back and saw the jugs, and nodded as if to confirm their existence. "...Do you want help making an appointment? Or we could go down to... whatevet the Dutch urgent care is. If they have those."

Laura

“What’s urgent care going to do but confirm what I’ve already got on three tests?” She retorted, wiping her cheeks as she slowly shook her head. “I don’t know what I want Steve. I didn’t even think I could get pregnant after what happened... this is a lot to process.”

Steve

"...Well... I don't really consider myself an expert here. But my mother sometimes saw... women at the house. She was a nurse. And you can find out... your next steps, I guess." He was only saying this much because he felt like he was being asked directly. "It's a lot. No one's asking you to make a decision."

Laura

She had been here before, having a breakdown on the floor of a bathroom - scared and unsure. “I know what my next steps are, Steve.” She began, “I’ve been pregnant before. I just don’t know what I want to do, and I don’t know how to process this... theres a human growing in me. Like that’s... that’s a big deal.”

Steve

Immediately, he felt rude. He should just be here to support her, not offer advice. But she had seemed so listless and upset, and he started to rub her arm. He nodded, staying quiet for a little bit. So he offered his solution for whenever his brain was throwing up too many things that he couldn't think about. "You wanna watch a movie?"

Laura

There was a calm within the silence they shared and Laura let out a sigh as Steve began to rub her arm. She wasn't making much sense, nor was she really being rational. But her mind was moving a million miles a minute, and processing the fact that she was pregnant again, after thinking that it wasn't even possible wasn't something her mind could do - not yet anyways. However, before she could think some more, or say anything else, Steve spoke and she moved her head off of his shoulder to look at him. "A movie?" Confusion was laced in her tone, how would a movie of all things help her?

Steve

So, maybe not everyone's coping device was the same, and Steve's cheeks lit up red at Laura's reaction to his question. Instead of his usual stuttering as he tried to think of a recovery for the embarrassing, inappropriate thing that he'd said, he managed to stay silent while he recomposed himself, though he went through a variety of facial shifts. "...They help me when I'm trying to process things, or... make decisions. Let my brain... work in the background." It wasn't perfect, but it was better than what he might have said without the extra time to think.

Laura

Despite not wanting it to, her bottom lip jutted out slightly, and Laura reached up to gently caress Steve's cheek. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I doubt that a movie is going to help me figure out what to do next." Laura paused and looked up at the ceiling, a bitter laugh escaping her. "You know, I wish I knew exactly who the father was, but I don't." she blinked slowly and ran a hand through her long tresses of brown hair. "I bet you regret agreeing to move in with me, huh?"

Steve

Steve couldn't even imagine living the life that Laura did, but he was in no place to judge her, and he just gave a quiet little hum. She didn't know who the father was... so it wasn't... he tried to index the men that he had seen around Laura, but he didn't want to make any assumptions, especially with how she couldn't even seem to narrow it down. "Oh. No. No, don't... I don't regret it at all. If you'll have me, I'd love to help out. But I completely understand if you want your privacy."

Laura

To say she didn’t know exactly who her father was was a lie, she had a few ideas, one stronger than the other but she didn’t want to assume, not when it was a kids life. She gave a loud sigh, that caused her body to sag slightly, before looking over at Steve. A rush of emotion by her when she began to process what he had said. Why he would want to help her was strange, she was just his roommate someone who barely knew her. “Why would you want to help me?” She questioned, confusion laced in her tone. “You don’t have to step up for my mistake, Steve.” to show that she appreciated what he had said though, Laura patted his thigh and gave him a weak smile.

Steve

Steve hadn't even thought of it as stepping up. Just putting together meals when she was working late, taking care of the house a little bit more intensely then he already had... he'd have to quit smoking sooner rather than later if he was going to keep living here, though he doubted that he would still be welcome when the baby came. Or if Laura would still be living here, and not with the father of her child. There were a lot of questions still up in the air. "...That's not how I feel about it at all. I just want to help you. You're... we're friends, right? You're going through a... really rough patch. It's what I would want."

Laura

If there was one thing she had to admit about Steve, it was that he was inherently good. He had a good heart, a good sense of humour and moral compass, and he just... was good. It was strange to her that the two of them had ended up meeting and basically living together, because he seemed like one of the positive forces in her life that she needed. "Just because we're friends doesn't mean that you have to help me out in any way, that's not what you moved in here for. It was for me to help you - remember? And this patch isn't just a patch..." She let out a deep breath and felt a tear slip from her eye. "It's a lifelong one."

Steve

Steve grabbed for her hand, and he turned his body in toward Laura's. He couldn't bear to see her cry, and his hand came up to wipe at her face. But it stopped halfway and hung in the air. He didn't want to violate her boundaries, especially when she was already this upset. Instead, he just squeezed her hand, and nodded his head a little bit. "I want to help, Laura. But this isn't about me. You don't need to worry about me right now. How about... we stand up... get you some water..." He started to stand. This wasn't the first time he'd been with someone going through something traumatic. "And you can get some rest."

Laura

It took a few beats for Laura to realize that Steve's raised hand had been meant to help clean her cheek off, she just looked at it for a moment, and then back at him, and as soon as the realization hit her she felt horrible about it, but also touched. There was a line that he didn't like to cross with her, and whilst she enjoyed it, she wasn't a stranger to touch. Whether it be good or bad. She wanted to say something about it, but before she could he was speaking and she looked at him, the part of her that wasn't panicking knew he was right, and she nodded slightly, squeezing his hand and moving to stand. She doubted very much that she'd be able to rest, that her mind would be going a mile a minute anyways. Cassia had been right - she was pregnant, and now she was just scared. "Will you lay in my bed with me? We don't have to talk, or touch just... I don't want to be alone."

Steve

He helped her up, and nodded the moment that her request passed her lips. "I'll stay with you as long as you want." He felt like that was an important distinction, that between needing and wanting. He didn't want at all to feel like his presence was an obligation, nor that he had somewhere to be, and that she should utilize his company for some imaginary minimum amount of time. No, he wanted her to settle, to rest, to be able to talk about what she was feeling, and hopefully come to a solution. He knew that these kinds of things could be time sensitive. They were way closer to Laura's bedroom than to the kitchen, and he lead her to her bed. "I'll be back in just a second." He got the water as fast as he could, a resuable one that was heavy with ice already having been waiting for him in the fridge. He sat down on the bed when he made his way back. "Little sips." He'd been living with her for a while. He'd imagined she was nauseous, something he'd been for years at a time back when he was sickly.

Laura

When she had heard that in the past, she had questioned it after hearing it - wondered if the person who had said such a thing had meant it. With Steve, Laura knew she didn't have to. He wasn't that kind of person. His word was his bond, even if she felt like him bonding himself to her was a futile attempt, she appreciated the help. Perhaps more than she wanted to admit. The brunette allowed him to lead her to her bedroom, and sat down on her bed. The light from the afternoon was streaming through a crack in her curtains, and she practically hissed at it. Her bedroom was like a den, dark - with the only light being from the light on her alarm clock. Her gaze stayed locked on the knobs on her dresser as Steve left, and came back, her mind dwelling on how she was going to tell Joey and Cassia, how she was going to break it to her best friends that she was pregnant and how she was going to tell Joey that there was a significant chance that the child was his. She licked her lips and turned as Steve returned and sat next to her. "Little sips," she repeated, looking at him, before putting a hand on the glass and taking a sip from it. The water helped her a bit, she had been thirstier than she had initially expected, and glanced at him gratefully. "Thank you Steve, honestly - I appreciate it." Gently, Laura took the glass and placed it on the side table, before climbing under the covers of her bed, and patted the spot behind her, fingers grasping tightly onto the pillow her head lay on.

Steve

Steve had no idea if he was supposed to go above the covers or below them. But he knew that he was supposed to be there to reassure Laura that she wasn't alone, and so he was going to stay close to her. He moved under the covers as well, making sure to stay where he was within arms reach of the water bottle, and on an impulse he wrapped his arm around Laura. He didn't feel uncomfortable with it. It was just strange, this feeling of having someone so small in his arms like this, pressed up to him so closely. Perhaps, given the circumstances, something that he would have to get used to. He was quiet for a moment, but he knew that if he was in Laura's situation, that was the last thing that he would want, to be left along with his thoughts. All of this was so that Laura wouldn't feel alone. "...Can I tell you a story?" It was going to be meaningless filler, just words for her to focus on instead of her racing thoughts.

Laura

The warmth of Steve's body radiated into her before she even felt the solidity of his frame against her back. When she had first met him, she had thought him to be solid, but feeling him close to her, with his arm wrapped around her only proved her right. She felt comfortable though, and oddly safe. The part of her that was sane, and perhaps not maniacally processing what she was going through, hoped that he was okay with what she had asked, considering how awkward he usually was around her. The brunette took a deep breath, and rather than clutching at her pillow, placed her arm so it was against Steves, her hand meeting his own. As she lay there, thoughts of the last time she was pregnant ran through her mind, her ex, the baby she lost. And she hoped that despite being pregnant, she wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing yet another child. Steve's deep voice was a welcome distraction, and she gently nodded, needing to hear something than her own screaming thoughts.

Steve

Steve nodded, and he pulled her in firm against his chest when he felt her moving in close of her own accord. It was slow, like he was nervous that he was going to hurt her. "...Alright. So, when I was a little kid, my mom and I lived in a pretty tall building in New York City." It was Brooklyn, so it was nothing like the modern high-rises. After living in Avengers Tower, he was pretty sure that he'd never have the same opinion of heights again. "And, as you well know, my birthday twin, my birthday was on the fourth of July." He'd picked this story because it was one of the few happy ones that had come immediately to mind, and because he didn't think he was going to have to sprinkle mountains of context around it. "...So, every year on my birthday, my best friend and I would go up to my building's roof. It was this whole elaborate thing. There was a lockpicking involved. We had to climb up a ladder, which was no small feat for me. So... one year, I was too sick to go up. I was probably... twelve. I was getting over something or another. So my friend.... Bucky, his name's Bucky... he must have set up a dozen blankets on the roof, threw me over his shoulder... I was half-conscious the whole night. But he made damn well sure that I got to see the fireworks."

Laura

Laura lay there, listening to him as he spoke, imagining a young Steve in a building from the 1920's, picking a lock with his best friend. It was an odd scene to concoct, considering Steve had a purity about him, but it made her smile anyways, and as he continued to speak, her mind formulated images, going along with the story. It was touching to hear that his friend had done such a thing for him. Growing up she'd only had one person she could call a best friend, and she had been told to stay away from her after a time, thanks to her mother. But Steve, Steve had lucked out in the friend lottery with Bucky it seemed. A small smile formed on her lips and a contented sound came from deep within her chest. "While I can't imagine you picking a lock... I'm happy that you had suck a good friend at such a young age, that he would do that for you... That's beautiful, Steve."

Steve

Steve hadn't even realized that he'd started stroking at Laura's hair while he was telling the story. But he had no intention to stop. He laughed a little bit. "He's still alive today." He felt like it was the ultimate happy ending. "He's still young. He's... healthy. For the most part. Uh... we fought together... I thought that he was dead. He fell out of a train, couple hundred feet. But... he's alive. He's in Wakanda right now." He laughed. "You can't imagine me picking a lock? What about picking a fight with a guy for talking during a movie?"

Laura

Having her hair played with caused her to relax a little more, and her racing thoughts to subside enough that she could breathe without fearing a hyperventilation fit. "So, did he get frozen like you did?" She asked into the darkness, voice small as she imagined someone falling out of a train. She'd have a heart attack, so she didn't quite know how Steve hadn't had one yet. The brunette pursed her lips as she felt the laugh that came from Steve radiate into her back. He was comfortable with her, and helping her - which was all that really mattered. "I don't know how you function, seeing your friend having dropped a couple hundred feet... But I'm glad he's okay." She mused softly, as she began to slowly rub small circles into the skin on the back of his hand. "Wait, hold on. You picked a fight with a guy for talking during a movie? That's when you wait until the last minute, dump your popcorn at him an run out, not pick a fight."

Steve

Steve shook his head. "It was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. But... it was war. It actually happened a couple weeks before World War II ended. Uh... he got picked up by the Soviets and they... you know, I'm not really sure I ever got a consensus on how they kept him the same age. But he got the same... stuff that I got." He laughed again at her reaction to his question. "No, nah, naw. I asked him to take it outside. He beat the shit out of me."

Laura

Laura had been through her fair share of horrible things in life, but she'd never been through war. Sure, she'd been at war with her mind before, but never had she had to see friends of her die in combat, or assume they were dead because they fell from a moving train. The fact that Steve could be so kind after something so tragic was a miracle within itself, and she was grateful that he'd been given a disposition to be able to push through it - or at least seemingly push through it. She turned her head slightly so she could look at him, lips pursed. "You need to learn to pick your battles, Steven." She sassed weakly, they apparently had something in common though - being beaten up. But the circumstances were completely different.

Steve

"I've been hearing that since I was six years old." He shook his head. "It wasn't the first time. Uh, wasn't the last one either. That was actually the night that I signed up for the army, though. That jerk changed my life. So maybe I should go up to the next person that talks during a movie and shake their hand." He tucked his head over her shoulder, looking for the more comfortable angle. Not that he wasn't used to being uncomfortable. "...You know what I miss?"

Laura

"I would advise against that, people don't really shake hands after movies anymore, but by all means you can go ahead and try it." She mused, moving her head so that he could be more comfortable once his head was tucked over her shoulder. "What do you miss?"

Steve

Steve snorted a laugh. "'You think we all used to go around shaking hands after the movies? Do you think we also talked to strangers on the subway and wore three piece suits to take out the trash?" He rolled his eyes. "I miss the Brooklyn Dodgers."

Laura

"Yeah actually, I mean old people are usually so friendly so I figured they were just used to it from growing up, you know? I know it sounds stupid, considering what was going on at the time, and hell what's still going on with society, but I just... Figured - Sorry I sound stupid." She finished, cheeks slightly flushed from the rambling that she'd just gone through. She'd heard of the dodgers, and was confused for a few moments, until she recalled what city the dodgers called home now. "You're stuck with the Yankees now, unfortunately."

Steve

"What old people are you talking to?" He laughed. He hadn't met very many nice old people in his day, and he certainly wasn't used to seeing them now. Especially when he'd been working with the Avengers, doing promotional things. "You're not stupid. Totally a valid question. And I'll die before I wear a fuckin' Yankee's jersey." But there was no malice behind it.

Laura

"My Bubbi! She was a nice old lady thank you very much, and there are some older couples that come to the store that are sweet too, I'll have you know." She retorted, with a small sigh, only to roll her eyes at what Steve had to say. She had never been into sports to a any sort of degree, but she knew that the Yankees were either loved or hated. She went quiet for a few moments, thinking back to Steve sharing stories of his past. Her past was dark, but not as dark as his. One thing was for certain though, if she was going to have the baby growing inside her, she was determined to give it a better childhood than what she had had. Instinctively, her hand went to her still very flat stomach, and she sighed. "Remind me to get a Yankee's onesie for this kid once it's born."

Steve

"You're Jewish?" He didn't sound shocked or fazed, just absorbing this fact about his roommate that he hadn't known before. He'd grown up in Brooklyn in the 20's and 30's. Many of the people in his school and college had been Jewish, so he was familiar with the term. "I never met my grandparents. Both of my parents immigrated. But I heard a lot of stories from my mom." He didn't want to pry, but he knew that it was important that Laura was processing this on some level. "So... the kid is... going to be born?"

Laura

Slowly, she nodded. "I'm not practicing or anything, but yeah. My moms Jewish, and so I was raised with the religion - sort of. My mom wasn't really practicing either, but there were times in life where she relied on her faith and brought me into it too." She stated evenly, remembering times where they would pray, or go to the synagogue for a bit of rest when they needed out of a bad environment for awhile. "Where did your parents immigrate from?" She asked, hoping that Steve wouldn't notice the long pause she had taken - but it was to no avail and she let out a huff. One that shook slightly. "If I can carry it to term." She admitted, voice thick. "I told you about my ex, right?"

Steve

Steve nodded. It was often how he had felt about his Catholicism. He had gone to the church for his mother's funeral, and then he wasn't sure that he'd stepped into one again until, well, until Peggy's. But he still identified strongly with the religion, despite meeting actual, flesh and blood gods and monsters. "They immigrated from Ireland at the tail end of the famine. They met here. ...I'm not going to romanticize their story, but.." He was glad for the change of subject, even if it was just as dark. "...You did. So you're worried..."

Laura

Laura thought for a minute, about Steve growing up in an Irish Catholic household, and it suddenly clicked as to why he was the way he was. She would ask him more about it at a later date, for he seemed more interested in her now, and she felt like there was no escaping what she had to tell him. Not now anyways. "Yeah, but not for the reason you might be completely thinking... You see when he got violent with me... I was pregnant and well... I lost the baby, and so I'm worried that there's going to be scar tissue and that while I'm pregnant now that I won't be in a few months time..." She paused then, and gulped as she blinked back hot tears. "And I don't know if I can go through that again, Steve."

Steve

Steve pulled away, but it was just enough so that he could sit up and get a really good look at her. He could feel his heart growing. He had already had all of this respect for her, but he felt it increase by so much in that moment. He grabbed for her hand. "...That's a situation that no one should ever find themselves in. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I can't even imagine..." He'd lost an infant brother, but he was sure it didn't touch the pain of losing a child. "...Do you think it's important to see a doctor through the process?"

Laura

Another huff left her, this time tears accompanied it, making looking up at Steve difficult. He was just a blurry form hovering above her. "It wasn't easy. I woke up in the hospital and my mom was there, and it was like my whole life had changed while I was unconscious." She informed him, voice quivering as she held onto his hand, memories of breaking down in the hospital bed and holding onto her mother flooding back into her conscious. "I think that what's meant to be is what's meant to be, and if I'm meant to be a mom the baby will be okay... But the visits to the doctor will have to happen anyways."

Steve

Steve blinked back a little bit too, and he rubbed his free hand uo and down her arm. There was nothing he could say or do to comfort her from a memory like that. He knew that too well. Even her choice of words... her whole life changing while she was unconscious. It resonated. "...I want to be there, at your appointments. If you'll let me. I don't have to go in. Just someone waiting there for you. Making sure you have... someone. Someone there. I understand if you don't..."

Laura

First he had offered to help her out with anything she had needed, and now this. It was too much and a sob came from her. It was meant to be a laugh, but a sob it had been. "Why are you so nice?!" Her voice was strained as she raised her other hand to wipe the tears from her face. "Y-You don't have to do that Steve, this is my responsibility, and my mistake, not yours." She stated, blinking and turning slightly to look at him.

Steve

He couldn't help himself. He wrapped her up in a tight hug, so powerful that it brought her onto his lap. He was wearing soft, threadbare pajama pants, and he shifted so that she could at least sit comfortably. "It's not a mistake. It's a blessing. ...Forgive me. If I'm overstepping. But that's how I see it."

Laura

She allowed him to wrap her up in a tight hug, not caring that he had moved her, or that her face was buried within the confines of his neck. The hug was needed, and she sniffled into his skin, feeling silly for crying on his shoulder. "It is a mistake though, Steve. I wanted kids, but I didn't want a baby like this. I told myself after last time if I had kids, it would be when I was married, or at least had a partner that wanted a kid too... This... This is an accident. A beautiful, messed up, accident."

Steve

Steve rubbed across her back, prepared to stay here as long as he was needed. He still disagreed, but he wasn't about to put that out in the open. "Laura, I've only known you for a few weeks. But I know that you have so much love in your life. There are people here in this city that would do anything for you. You don't have anything to be afraid of."

Laura

Laura pulled back then, it was true, they had no sooner met and she had asked him if he wanted to sleep on her couch. Now here the were with her crying in his lap. "But what if I fuck this baby up? What if I'm a bad mom, or if I lose it. What if..." She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head some. "I just want to be a good mom, but I don't know if I know how to do or be that if the baby even lives long enough for me to be a fully fledged mother."

Steve

Steve had been so happy to change this topic earlier, but now it was the only thing that he could think to say. "...My mother lost two children." He closed his eyes against what he was saying, thinking about her, but he opened them again. "Once when she was pregnant, once when the baby was seven months old. It didn't make her a bad mother. She was the best ma anyone could have asked for. Strong... resilient... she's still my hero. I use her advice every single day. Laura, you're already a hell of a mom. You were before this kid."

Laura

She sat there on his lap, listening to him speak, and watching through tear filled eyes as he told her about his mother. Child loss wasn't uncommon back then, and it wasn't so uncommon now, but it was hardly talked about, and so the burden and the guilt that she felt was a lot - but it lessened some with what Steve said. Even if just a little. "Sounds like she was one tough cookie to have gone through that," she mused thoughtfully, lip quivering slightly. Her body ached to cry, but there were no more tears left in her to be released. "How can you be so sure of that? You hardly know me, Steve."

Steve

Laura didn't even know the half of it, what they had went through as a family of two. He nodded, and he rubbed up and down against her arm, quiet for a couple of moments as he reflected on this. He adjusted, moving one of his legs in closer. "I hear it when you talk. It's obvious how much you loved your first. And how much you're going to love this kid. And how you're going to fight for them... and that's what makes a mom. Not anything else."

Laura

Hey brown eyes focused on him for a few moments, touched that he’d listened to the tone. She hasn’t brought up her first often, but when she did there was a love and a loss there, and to be frank she was shocked he had actually noticed. “Thank you, honestly.” She said, before wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight, grateful that they had met, and that despite how awkward it was for them to go through such an intense experience together - that Steve had been there to go through it with her.

#para: 002 #para: steve #para: a little news #tw: miscarriage mention #miscarriage mention #miscarriage mention tw

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theday · 7 years ago

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tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes...

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that!

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums.

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive

2. what are you looking forward to?

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS.

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^(

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :(

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase !

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them.........

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS...

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

#tag games #moon texts #its with the s righthd hsjdhd

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chickenfetus · 8 years ago

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softly whispers all for the flower ask

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

chickens/eggs

lance lol

cereal….. everyone in class is stealing my trademark…

water

memes

bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy?

fuck,,, my fav characters?? and if i like someone then them i guess? but rn my heart belongs to 2d

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

mm it changes?? right now its either this cover (its in japanese) or this song (english but its a tad bit scream-y)

evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?

its all soundtracks from anime lmao,,

from kimi no na wa’s soundtrack we have this, this and this

from free!’s ost we have this song that killed every mh shipper lol

and lastly, not from an anime ost, its shelter

none of these actually help me fall asleep but i like them,, hell i dont think theres any song that can help me fall asleep

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?

miyu//keis does this ensure it doesnt show up i hope it does i recently followed them while lurking in the mi//sawa tag lol theyre a good graphic person??? idk what theyre called;;

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

the succulent things but i wouldnt be able to care for it bc i succ (perfect match)

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

im a sunny day and rainy evening person… ok maybe sunny day if im not directly under the sun because i do enjoy the sun’s warmth rainy days are nice too,, only if im indoors.. rainy evening is perfect,, as long as no bugs can get it im safe and secure and chill

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

blue!!!!! is sky blue a shade

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

a cat…..

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

ok ive had dreams every night this week but now i cant re oh wait i do remember last night’s dream but only the lame part,, ok so i dreamt i had a 4* hina on bang dream..,,, i dreamt of another thing but i forgot :-( the 4* was indeed a dream though sad i havent gotten a single 4* yet lmao my luck is awesome oh but i did get a 5* and two 4*s on enstars so thats cool

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

cotton candy,, has flavours?????

cookies and cream!!

i like water juice

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

none??? i guess i paint when i have to although i rly wanna paint but im just a lazy fool

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

i dont use make up i am a youngin also what does the second question say i dont understand

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

neither lmao i have a fear of butterflies and bees… bees fear me i fear bees its mutual fear i like cats better but i like dogs too

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

yes,,, i was gonna ask if it was even possible to have a favourite but then i remembered i do actually one although its more of a jellybean thing its poifull!!

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

mermaid bc i wanna live in the water

sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

ok i just finished acca so naturally i still think abt it and jean called nino his ‘partner in crime’ so nnow i want one (a partner in crime i mean not a nino but thatd b cool 2)

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

yes i havent been in a pool in like 3 years oh boy,, breaststroke is the easiest lmao i forgot how to do any of the others

windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why you like them

softshouyous, well i followed her bc she talks in her tags so thats one thing,, shes also super nice?? and helpful!!! a good friend and mutual!!!! im also comfy enough with her to like,, be sarcastic and we can shame each other freely.. without worrying abt offending one another,, theres also the fact that she understands me (ok this may b what i like 2 think and falen actually doesnt get me but its COOL) idk man i just love her,,, my bud whens our one year friendsivary i gotta search that up :0

(i almsot forgot to do the rest go me anyway) next is,, youhavebeentraceyd bc shes one of my first mutuals (sorry to the one who was actually my first) who i actually talked to!!! we both watch daiya and i didnt rly follow anyone who liked daiya previously and oh!! we had the same notps LOL i love tracey’s art and hell i think she dragged me to mochi hell kudos to u tracey idk i jsut enjoy her presence on my dash and get v excited to see her art on there we may not talk as much anymore but i still appreciate her a lot!!! bless u tracey and thank you!!! (for being alive i wish u all the best in life)

alpacarara i like her bc shes basically my tumble mum,, the mum i actually talk to and ask for help/advice she gives good advice too and shes v approachable,,,,,,, a v good friend,,,,,, u r appreciated by me,,,, yes........... shizu chan also appreciates ur existence momther,,,, thakn u 4 all youve done 2 helpme a good pal.... bless u,

clearly these r getting hard bc my mind is goddamn empty rn but ill manage,, kacchan whose url is not spelt like that but thats ook bc one day it will be but now im starting to think i shouldnt leave it as that bc someones bound to stumble upon this extra post in the kacchan tag goddammit,, annYWay i like kacchan bc theyre friendly! and also v relatable,,,, theyre also kinda scary but thats ok bc its the good kind of scary idk man kacchan is just, great?? we dont talk but thats cool bc ik we’re still friends even if we dont have full blown convos!!!! id b 2 nervous 2 talk 2 them not bc theyre bad or anythign im just a ??? a bad conversationalist and also v lazy ok thats besides the point i like kacchan bc kacchan is kacchan so??? theyre a good friend and we tag each other in things and i like that friendship its a good type of friendship,,, idkdkdk?? theyre just. chill not literally chill but just chill. this doesnt make sense anymre gomenasorry

lAST ONE uh hhhh every one of my mutual’s blogs why i like all of them?? bc theyre not problematic!! they post good content trademark and r lovely even if we dont talk much!!! i love everyone period

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

i am more of a Disaster in the kithcen

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

u guys shld b surprised yall even exist (if i am the True Parent)

if not,, then itd b u guys r with me and my partner in crime,, who is actually a real person,,,,,, be shocked idk im just trying t o make it clear that in the event i do get married id surprise myself bc me/?? have a good and lasting relationship????? impsossible

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

they shouldve told me to stick with cereal

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

doe s lance count

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

was this supposed 2 say sunrise,,,, anyway sunrise i guess bc im a morning person (when i WILLINGLy wake up by myself) on hot ass days sunset bc then i wont b sweating 24/7

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

yEAH LOL i wake up early on weekends bc i want to and i have to wake up early on weekdays so,,, i prefer not to sleep later than 12am bc i am Fear and in the event that i do sleep later than 12 its bc im talkin 2 a friend i like a lot

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

water tea english breakfast,, havent had that in awhile tho

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

i have non

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

i have nnone but i dont even nickname my pkmn so

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

depends? on the tme??? if its late at night id rather b asleep and cozy if its in the day then maybe.. .. .

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

i like all of my food plain and dry (cereal) unless its noodles,, i need my noodles iin soup

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

drinking water

#softshouyous #asks #this got long #tHANK U FOR ASKING i did it!!!!#its been so long #since i properly answered one of ur asks memes #feels good

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sarahburness · 7 years ago

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There’s More to Life Than Being Busy: Why I Took a Pressure-Free Pause

“When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another—and ourselves.” ~Jack Kornfield

It was a Monday a few weeks ago, 6:00am, and I was taking a morning walk. The only light in sight was the neon yellow glare of the street lamps.

My heart was heavy. It was as if someone had cut my chest open while I was asleep in the night and slipped a cannonball inside.

My alarm had awoken me at 5:00am, as it had every morning since the start of the year.

My shoes crunch-crunched in the snow as I trudged along, ignoring this dull ache in my chest, telling myself “It's just resistance to being up so early. Keep pushing through; gotta get those 12,000 steps today, Will.”

I got to the end of the road, a mere eighty or so meters from my house, and WHOOSH, a wild wave of emotions washed over me, forcing me—jolting me—to stop walking and stand still and silent in the snow.

I stood and stood as if I'd fallen asleep upright and frozen to death.

This whooshing wave felt like a panic attack. Except it wasn't.

It was this feeling coming from my chest, the one I had tried to ignore. If its first attempt to get my attention was a whisper, this was a shout.

And it was shouting in desperation ”LISTEN TO ME, WILL”…

Without consciously making the decision, I turned and walked home.

I'd barely walked for two minutes, not quite the forty-five-minute morning walk I had planned, but something inside of me, I can't explain what, told me this was long enough for today.

Arriving home, I sat down at my desk to give this feeling some attention.

My eyes closed. I did my best to give a name to what I was feeling…

Was it sadness? Nope. Dissatisfaction? Closer, but not quite. Pressure? Yes, pressure! I was feeling pressured!

The next logical question for me was, why? Why was I feeling pressured?

The answer was right under my nose, and no, that's not a metaphor; the answer was literally right under my nose, sitting there on my desk staring up at me.

You see, lying there in the center of my desk, scribbled on a piece of paper, was my list of jobs for the day, and it was a long, long list.

I'd listed all the action steps I felt I needed to take, I felt I should take, I felt I must take on this day.

An intimidating list detailing emails to be sent, words to be written, opportunities to be created. More. More. More. This list was going to keep me occupied almost every waking minute of the day, having me run around like a headless chicken, stuck in doing mode.

Sure, there were self-care rituals—meditation, Qi Gong, walks dotted throughout the day—but even these seemed like chores within my strict schedule, just something else to tick off.

Supporting myself through this, next, I pondered the question:

How can I take this pressure off of myself?

At first, no ideas came to mind, nothing, nada.

Because wasn't my list full of non-negotiables?

Then an insight arose which brought with it an air of refreshment followed by fear.

‘”TAKE TIME OFF, WILL.”

My heart was speaking to me again, the same voice that had spoken to me earlier on my walk, now providing me with an insight to take time off.

Which was fascinating because the voice of my mind had been telling me to do the exact opposite previously, telling me to write out a big long list of to-dos.

It was my mind that had told me to wake up at 5:00am so I could do more during each day.

It was my mind dishing out the restricting need, must, and should statements.

The thought of taking time off was refreshing, but the fear was: What would happen if I stopped living in doing-mode for some time?

Fear suggested that taking time out would be a bad thing; I'd lose out on an opportunity of some kind or end up getting lazy. My heart had trust that taking time out, or rather, slowing down was the right path to take to relieve the pressure.

After a little more reflection, my heart gave me a complete ‘prescription' to take the pressure off of myself. It involved three stages.

1. Distinguish between non-negotiable commitments and desires so I could be more flexible.

So much of what I thought were non-negotiables were not. They were nothing more than rules I had created. For example, I had told myself I must finish my studies by March. In truth, I don't have to; this is just a desire.

I still had a list of commitments I couldn't stop entirely, but it was a much shorter and more manageable list!

2. Pause my desires to relieve the pressure.

Once I'd identified my actual commitments (work, family, household duties), I looked at my list of desires and gave myself permission to pause these.

This was when fear crept in again…

Am I allowed to pause my commitments?

Am I allowed to say no to people?

The answer is yes.

I decided on a three-week pause period where I would concentrate only on actual commitments and, of course, concentrate on taking care of myself.

I decided to pause my studies, any reading for learning (as opposed to enjoyment), any business-related activities, being active on social media, anything I felt I could pause temporarily without jeopardizing myself.

3. Create a refreshment plan.

Within my three-week pause period, I set some gentle intentions for how I would spend my time. After all, I had created a lot of time by simply pausing the desires that were causing the pressure.

So I asked myself a different question.

Rather than “What must I do?” I asked myself “What would I love to do?”

Some of my answers included:

– Resting. Sleeping longer and napping during the day. My long days were making me feel exhausted.

– Spending more time outside in nature. I was spending too much time in the online world, staring at computer screens all day. I've found myself on my walks, just pausing, closing my eyes and enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face.

– Spending more time with girlfriend, Yvonne, and my family and friends. I know the quality of our personal relationships is a huge determining factor in our levels of happiness. I'd been a little neglectful of this.

– Reading more fiction. I normally read to learn, which I love, but it's tough going. I wanted to escape to some far-off fictional land!

– Practicing the act of appreciation. Tony Robbins says, “Trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole world changes in an instant.” Having dropped my personal expectations of myself and switched to appreciating, this has certainly been true for me. Each night I've been listing ten things I appreciate.

I'm two weeks into my pause period and I'm pleased to say I'm feeling refreshed. My personal relationships have improved, the weight has been lifted from my shoulders and chest, and I feel somehow I've gotten out of my own way.

Perhaps I was being busy in an illusionary attempt to feel in control of the areas of my life I wished to move forward.

This may be true.

I also feel we often stay stuck in ‘doing mode,' moving toward our goals, because we feel on the other side of those actions and goals is what we really want.

And what do we really want? I can only speak for myself, of course. When all is said and done, what I really want most is the freedom to enjoy my life and to feel good.

By taking a step back, I've realized an important truth.

I have this freedom, right now.

It's a funny old world we live in where we work so long and hard, to essentially buy back our freedom at a later date.

It's far easier to appreciate the level of freedom we have right now, before pursuing more. This has been my biggest lesson.

There is absolutely a time for actions, progress, a time for being down on our knees planting seeds.

However, we need to be mindful of when it's time to pause and take a step back and enjoy the warmth of the sun on our faces.

About Will Aylward

Will Aylward lives to help others and spends his days coaching people to become more confident in themselves and their ability. Will's loves are travel, drinking good coffee, turning strangers into friends, and making music. Will lives in Germany with his partner (in crime), Yvonne. Visit him at willaylward.com.

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