#therefore i am unable to pay the rent. even when i am not eating well in order to save the most i can. so i looked for a new place

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

[ill-will-editions]

WHAT THE VIRUS SAID

First published in Lundimatin, March 16, 2020

Translated by Robert Hurley

“I’ve come to shut down the machine whose emergency brake you couldn’t find.”

You’d do well, dear humans, to stop your ridiculous calls for war. Lower the vengeful looks you’re aiming at me. Extinguish the halo of terror in which you’ve enveloped my name. Since the bacterial genesis of the world, we viruses are the true continuum of life on Earth. Without us, you would never have seen the light of day, any more than the first cell would have come to exist.

We are your ancestors, just like the rocks and the seaweed, and much more than the apes. We are wherever you are and also where you aren’t. Too bad for you if you only see in the universe what is to your liking! But above all, quit saying that it is I who am killing you. You will not die from my action upon your tissues but from the lack of care of your fellow humans. If you had not been just as rapacious amongst yourselves as you were with all that lives on this planet, you would still have enough beds, nurses, and respirators to survive the damage I do in your lungs. If you didn’t pack your old people into nursing homes and your able-bodied into concrete hutches, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. If you hadn’t changed the whole expanse of the world, or worlds rather, that just yesterday were still luxuriant, chaotic, infinitely inhabited, into a vast desert for the monoculture of the Same and the More, I wouldn’t have been able to launch myself into the global conquest of your throats. If nearly all of you had not become, over the last century, redundant copies of a single, untenable form of life, you would not be preparing to die like flies abandoned in the water of your sugary civilization. If you had not made your environments so empty, so transparent, so abstract, you can be sure that I wouldn’t be moving at the speed of an aircraft. I only come to carry out the punishment that you have long pronounced against yourselves. Forgive me, but it’s you, after all, who invented the name “Anthropocene”. You have awarded yourselves the whole honor of the disaster; now that it is unfolding, it’s too late to decline it. The most honest among you know this very well: I have no other accomplice than your social organization, your folly of the “grand scale” and its economy, your fanatical belief in systems. Only systems are “vulnerable”. Everything else lives and dies. There’s no “vulnerability” except for what aims at control, at its extension and its improvement. Look at me closely: I am just the flip side of the prevailing Death.

So stop blaming me, accusing me, stalking me. Working yourselves into an anti-viral paralysis. All of that is childish. Let me propose a different perspective: there is an intelligence that is immanent to life. One doesn’t need to be a subject to make use of a memory and a strategy. One doesn’t have to be a sovereign to decide. Bacteria and viruses can also call the shots. See me, therefore, as your savior instead of your gravedigger. You’re free not to believe me, but I have come to shut down the machine whose emergency brake you couldn’t find. I have come in order to suspend the operation that held you hostage. I have come in order to demonstrate the aberration that “normality” constitutes. “Delegating to others our nutrition, our protection, our ability to care for our way of life was a madness”…“There is no budgetary limit, health has no price” : see how I redirect the language and spirit of your governing authorities! See how I bring them down for you to their real standing as miserable racketeers, and arrogant to boot! See how they suddenly denounce themselves not just as being superfluous, but as being harmful! For them you’re nothing but supports for the reproduction of their system – that is, less than slaves. Even the plankton are treated better than you.

But don’t waste your time reproaching them, pointing out their deficiencies. Accusing them of negligence is still to give them more credit than they deserve. Ask yourselves rather how you could find it so comfortable to let yourselves be governed. Praising the merits of the Chinese option compared to the British option, of the imperial-legist solution as against the Darwinist-liberal method is to understand nothing about the one or the other, the horror of one and the horror of the other. Since Quesnay, the “liberals” have always looked with envy at the Chinese empire ; and they still do. They are Siamese twins. The fact that one of them confines you in its interest and the other in the interest of “society” always amounts to suppressing the only non-nihilist conduct : taking care of oneself, of those one loves and of what one loves in those one doesn’t know. Don’t let those who’ve led you to the abyss claim to be saving you from it: they will prepare for you a more perfect hell, an even deeper grave. Someday when they’ll able, they’ll send the army to patrol the afterlife.

You ought to thank me, rather. Without me, for how much longer would those unquestionable things that are suddenly suspended have gone on being presented as necessary? Globalization, competitive exams, air traffic, budgetary limits, elections, sports spectacles, Disneyland, fitness gyms, most businesses, the National Assembly, school barracking, mass gatherings, most office jobs, all that automatic sociability that is nothing but the reverse of the anxious solitude of the metropolitan monads : all of that was rendered unnecessary, once the state of necessity asserted its presence. Thank me for the truth test of the coming weeks; you’re finally going to inhabit your own life, without the thousand escapes that, good year bad year, hold the untenable together. Without your realizing it, you had never taken up residence in your own existence. You were there among your boxes, and you didn’t know it. Now you will live with your kindreds. You will be at home. You will cease to be in transit towards death. Perhaps you will hate your husband. Maybe your children won’t be able to stand you. Maybe you will feel like blowing up the décor of your everyday life. The truth is that you were no longer in the world, in those metropolises of separation. Your world was no longer livable in any of its guises unless you were constantly fleeing. One had to make do with movement and distractions in the face of the hideousness that had taken hold. And the spectral that reigned between beings. Everything had become so efficient that nothing made any sense any longer. Thank me for all that, and welcome back to earth!

Thanks to me, for an indefinite time you will no longer work, your kids won’t go to school, and yet it will be the opposite of a vacation. Vacations are that space that must be filled up at all costs while waiting for the obligatory return to work. But now what is opening up in front of you, thanks to me, is not a delimited space but a gaping emptiness. I render you idle. There’s no guarantee that yesterday’s non-world will reappear. All of that profitable absurdity may cease. Not being paid oneself, what would be more natural than to stop paying one’s rent? Why would a person unable to work go on depositing their mortgage payments at the bank? Isn’t it suicidal, when you come down to it, to live where you can’t even cultivate a garden? Someone who doesn’t have any money left doesn’t stop eating as a consequence, and who has the iron has the bread. Thank me: I place you in front of the bifurcation that was tacitly structuring your existences: the economy or life. It’s your move, your turn to play. The stakes are historical. Either the governing authorities impose their state of exception on you, or you invent your own. Either you go with the truths that are coming to light, or you put your head on the chopping block. Either you use the time I’m giving you to envision the world of the aftermath in light of what you’ve learned from the collapse that’s underway, or the latter will go extreme. The disaster ends when the economy ends. The economy is the devastation. That was a theory before last month. Now it is a fact. No one can fail to sense what it will take in the way of police, propaganda, surveillance, logistics, and remote working to keep that fact under control.

As you deal with me, don’t succumb to panic or denial. Don’t give in to the biopolitical hysterias. The coming weeks will be terrible, oppressive, cruel. The gates of death will be wide open. I am the most devastating production of the devastation of production. I come to reduce the nihilists to nothingness. The injustice of this world will never be more outrageous. It’s a civilization, not you, that I come to bury. Those who desire to live will have to construct new habits, ones that are suitable for them. Avoiding me will be the occasion for this reinvention, this new art of distances. The art of greeting one another, which some were short-sighted enough to see as the very form of the institution, will soon not obey any etiquette. It will sign beings. Don’t do it “for the others”, for “the population” or for “society”, do it for your people. Take care of your friends and those you love. Rethink along with them, decisively, what a just form of life would be. Organize clusters of right living, expand them, and I won’t be able to do anything against you. I am calling for a massive return, not of discipline, but of attention. Not for the end of insouciance, but the end of all carelessness. What other way remained for me to remind you that salvation is in each gesture? That everything is in the tiniest thing.

I’ve had to face the facts: humanity only asks itself the questions it can no longer keep from asking.

[arrghigiveup]

Speech made by Singapore’s Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong today to announce the new restrictions for Singapore. We’re finally going under lock down like the rest of the world.

Transcript:

My fellow Singaporeans Good afternoon

I last spoke to you on COVID-19 three weeks ago.

Since then, the number of new cases daily has begun to rise. We used to see fewer than 10 new cases a day. But in the last two weeks, despite our best efforts, we have routinely had more than 50 new cases daily.

Initially, many of the new cases were imported from overseas, mostly returning Singaporeans. Then last week, we began to have more local cases. Furthermore, despite our good contact tracing, for nearly half of these cases, we do not know where or from whom the person caught the virus. This suggests that there are more people out there who are infected, but who have not been identified. And they may be passing the virus unknowingly to others.

In the last few days, we have also discovered several clusters at foreign worker dormitories, and one at a nursing home. These are very worrying, because large numbers of people live together in dormitories and nursing homes. A single case can quickly lead to a large cluster. Furthermore, nursing home patients are mostly old and frail, and very vulnerable to the virus.

As the situation developed over the past weeks, we have tightened our safe-distancing measures progressively. Singaporeans have responded well, calmly and responsibly, and made adjustments in their daily lives. By working together, we have kept the outbreak under control.

But looking at the trend, I am worried that unless we take further steps, things will gradually get worse, or another big cluster may push things over the edge. I discussed this with the Multi-Ministry Task Force (MTF). We have decided that instead of tightening incrementally over the next few weeks, we should make a decisive move now to pre-empt escalating infections. We will therefore impose significantly stricter measures. This is like a circuit breaker. It will help reduce the risk of a big outbreak occurring. And it should also help to gradually bring our numbers down. This in turn will allow us to relax some of the measures. This circuit breaker will apply for one month, in the first instance. The Task Force is holding a Press Conference immediately after I finish speaking to you to explain the details. But let me give you the key points.

Continuation under the cut

First, we will close most workplaces, except for essential services and key economic sectors. Food establishments, markets and supermarkets, clinics, hospitals, utilities, transport and key banking services will remain open. These are essential services. We also should not disrupt economic sectors that are strategic, or form part of a global supply chain. People working in these industries can continue to go to work, with safe-distancing measures in place. But most other work premises must close. If the person can work from home, he should do so — telecommute. But others will not be able to, including foreign workers on construction sites and in shipyards. These workers live in dormitories, and we will make arrangements to look after them. The closure of work places will take effect from next Tuesday. This will ensure that most of our workforce stay at home and limit their physical interaction to as few people as possible.

Second, we will also move to full home-based learning in our schools and Institutes of Higher Learning (IHLs). We started with one day of home-based learning this week. This has gone smoothly, with some teething issues being resolved. The Ministry of Education (MOE) will work with the schools to implement full home-based learning starting next Wednesday. All preschool and student care centres will also be closed, but will provide limited services for children of parents who have to continue working and are unable to make alternative care arrangements.

Third, we will tighten restrictions on movements and gatherings of people. It boils down to three things. First, stay at home, as much as possible. Second, avoid socialising with others beyond your own household. Gatherings should be confined to your household. Avoid visiting even your extended families who are not staying with you, especially if they are elderly or vulnerable. Third, go out only to do essential things. For work, if you are in essential services or key economic sectors. To buy food at markets, or to take out from restaurants and hawker centres. Or to exercise in the neighbourhood park, keeping a safe distance from others. 

The spirit of these measures is to get all of us to minimise physical contact. If we do not go out, if we avoid contact with others, then the virus will not be able to spread. It is as simple as that.I know this is very hard to do. As a practical matter, in places like hawker centres and wet markets, it is difficult to practise safe-distancing, especially on the weekends when it is crowded. It will help if we all adjust our habits. For example, do our marketing on weekdays instead of weekends to avoid the crowd. We will also deploy more Safe-Distancing Ambassadors to encourage people not to crowd together, so please cooperate with them.

Safe-distancing is also hard for a psychological and emotional reason: it goes very much against our human instincts. It is in our nature to want to socialise, to be close to those we are talking to, to take comfort in the warmth and company of friends and family. I fully understand this. But I hope you will also understand why we all have to take social distancing extremely seriously in this period. This is the only effective way to slow the transmission of the virus, so that we gradually bring our numbers down. It is also the best way to keep our families safe, and particularly to protect our seniors from getting ill. So please bear with the painful adjustments that we have to make. Each and every one of us can, and must do our part, to keep everyone in Singapore safe from COVID-19.

Let me now say a few words in Malay and Mandarin.

[repetition of the above in Bahasa Melayu and Mandarin. Full transcript available Here]

I decided to speak to you directly today to explain why we need to make this major move now, but also to reassure you that things will be alright. Essential services will continue running so that all of us can cope in this new situation, as we batten down to fight this virus. We have enough food supplies to last us through this period and beyond. You can still shop at the supermarket or wet market. And you need not rush to stock up for weeks at a time. You can still buy food from your favourite hawker centres or coffee shop, though you will have to take out and eat at home with your own family, rather than hang out and eat outside with your friends.

I know these measures will impact our workers and businesses severely. This is already a very difficult time for them. We will help them come through this. On Monday in Parliament, DPM Heng Swee Keat will announce additional support for households and businesses, over and above what was provided in the two earlier Budgets. We will also legislate to require landlords to pass on property tax rebates fully to their tenants. We will also pass new temporary legislation to let businesses and individuals defer certain contractual obligations for a period, such as paying rent, repaying loans, or completing work.

Besides implementing this circuit breaker, we also are rethinking our advice on face masks.

Up to now, the Government has advised the general public that you only need to wear a mask if you are not feeling well, and this is to protect others from your germs. This was based on scientific advice and guidelines from the World Health Organization (WHO). We also did not have community spread in Singapore then, so it was very unlikely for you to run into anyone with COVID-19 on the street, much less be infected by them. Nevertheless, the Government gave each household four surgical masks, to use in case you got sick, and to give people peace of mind.

Now, the situation is changing. We now think there are some cases out there in the community going undetected, though probably still not that many. We also now have evidence that an infected person can show no symptoms, and yet still pass on the virus to others. This is why the WHO is reviewing the issue of face masks, and so is the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Therefore, we will no longer discourage people from wearing masks. Wearing a mask may help to protect others, in case you have the virus but do not know it. This is so that you keep your droplets to yourself — when you sneeze or speak or cough. It can also protect yourself a little better, especially if you are elderly, or vulnerable because of pre-existing health conditions.

We still want to conserve surgical masks for the people who really need them – healthcare workers in clinics and hospitals. For everyone else, in a community setting, alternatives like reusable masks will give some added protection. So from this Sunday, the Government will distribute reusable masks to all households. Meanwhile, many community groups have been making and distributing reusable masks for the elderly and vulnerable. I applaud these efforts. They show our community spirit and mutual care.

But remember, mask or no mask, you still need to wash your hands, and keep a safe distance away from other people.

The next few weeks will be pivotal. Even after these stepped-up measures, the number of cases will quite likely still go up in the next few days. They can be cases who have already been infected earlier, except they have not yet shown symptoms, or not yet gone to see their doctor. But if we keep our efforts up, within a few weeks we should be able to bring the numbers under control, bring the numbers down, and get into a more sustainable position.

We will keep on doing our utmost to protect every Singaporean from COVID-19. Many people have been working tirelessly for the past two months  — our nurses and doctors, our contact tracers and healthcare staff. We thank them all for their efforts and sacrifices. Now we are all enlisted to join them on the frontline.  

It will be a long fight. But if any country can see this through, it is Singapore. We have the resources. We have the determination. We are united. By helping one another through this, we will prevail, and emerge stronger.

Thank you.

[danasukontarak]

Severance: A Book Review and Sad Self-Reflection

Work is a crazy place, though nothing ever really happens. The glacial pace of systemic change in a tiny bureaucracy, the sporadic spitfire of emotionally suppressed emails, the incessant hum of pages being printed (to be retained for seven years), all wrapped in the repetition of blithe inquiries about your office mates’ weekend activities or how the weather’s shifted into a new season. It makes for a bizarre life experience when you spend at least a quarter of all your time there, even more bizarre when all your previous jobs have been in stores, open to the public and therefore a variety of daily experiences and interactions without the pressure of real responsibility. My relationship to work has always been hella plebeian. I’d survived on minimum wage and credit cards, happily. I’d stand all day, speak to dozens of strangers, and struggle for the twelve days preceding each payday. Every day these days, I sit at my desk in front of two monitors and a landline phone, sequestered in one section of a waterless aquarium. And every second Friday, I receive a direct deposit in an amount I’d once considered far fucking fetched.

How can you really describe work beyond the actual work you are responsible for? Work as I know it is a place where you can be yourself, but not really. Unless, of course, you are genuinely a dull person. My mind is sharp, and though certain work activities get it sharper in practical business ways, most of my work life sends it barreling the opposite way with full force, in slow-motion. At any given time, you can find me in my head about what I’m doing with my life. I get lost in so much thought it’s not even funny. I envy how my cat can witness the same meal served to him three times a day and never think, “Again?” To the contrary, he thinks “Yes. Again.”

I used to pontificate about my future work life, questioning how realistic it would actually be that I end up actually sitting at a desk doing something I don’t mind but don’t love. It’s now been my reality for four years. Does that sound terrible? Not really. There are plenty of worse fates than an HSA and a 401K. In an alternate reality, I could be struggling to pay rent or forced to rely on unreliable public transportation. For plenty of people, that is base reality. Because theoretically I would be grateful for any existence with a semblance of free will, I guess I am grateful for this type of life, too. I just get depressed by the unforeseeable end of my company, as it erodes at the life force of its ultimately dispensable staff who’ve spent so many cumulative years within those four walls. It pays well. What do we pay, though?

I say all of this to say that Ling Ma wrote an amazing novel that spoke to me as a corporate, consumerist millennial, particularly one who’s been caught excelling at a job for which they are utterly indifferent. Severance is a zombie novel focusing on a particular kind of fungal-induced fever that renders its victims stuck in a cycle of repetition for any number of mundane daily tasks. Imagine obsessively and mindlessly printing and filing papers at your desk until you rot away from malnutrition, your mandible hanging on by a sinewy thread. The main character of the story is Candace Chen, a Chinese immigrant who loves to work and has no family. She literally works through a zombie apocalypse and finds herself alone in New York City. She’s one of the few who have avoided contracting Shen fever and deteriorating into sloppy pseudo-humans, but at times I thought, maybe her fever is just a little more functional. You know, like the difference between an amateur and a career psychonaut, because she’s definitely tripping big time at plenty of points throughout the story. At these same points, I also wondered to what degree I, myself, am metaphorically fevered. I’ve been waking up to work at the same desk for four years, unable to pinpoint any real moments of meaningful satisfaction. Is that really living? 

Severance is Ling Ma’s first book, and written during a time after she was laid off from her job and given a severance package. I remember when my coworker was laid off, not long after I’d started. She’d trained me to take over one leg of her responsibilities, but what was really happening was unbeknownst to the both of us until she was called into our boss’s office one Monday morning. Later, we talked and she told me that she’d been meaning to quit for a while, and that this was the kick in the ass she needed to get started on her own editing and proofreading firm. I am reminded of how inspired and envious I was, but what overshadowed that was my newfound ability to pay for things comfortably. Like Candace Chen, I was, and have since been, working for Kiehl’s eye creams and cashmere Uniqlo sweaters.

My favorite passage in the book is one in which Candace talks about her boyfriend, who’d expressed disenchantment and downright disdain for the consumerist lives they’d been leading in the Big Apple. He ultimately decides to leave. In a way, it read as me talking to myself.

I know you too well. You live your life idealistically. You think it’s possible to opt out of the system. No regular income, no health insurance. You quit jobs on a dime. You think this is freedom but I still see the bare, painstakingly cheap way you live, the scrimping and saving, and that is not freedom either. You move in circumscribed circles. You move periphally, on the margins of everything, pirating movies and eating dollar slices. I used to admire this about you, how fervently you clung to your beliefs--I called it integrity--but five years of watching you live this way has changed me. In this world, money is freedom. Opting out is not a real choice.

[mst3kproject]

521: Santa Claus

Ever since they included a Christmas episode in the first Netflix season, I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that this blog will not live long enough for me to do all the Christmas movies on Christmas.  Might as well get on with it. This one goes out to @casualcollectorlightme.

It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus is setting off on his annual trip to take gifts to the children of the world.  He’s anticipating trouble: a demon named Pitch has been ordered to stop him.  If nobody gets any presents, then the children of Mexico won’t see any point in being good, and will turn to evil en masse!  Can Santa, with his friends Merlin the wizard and Vulcan the smith, thwart Pitch’s wicked plot and save Christmas?

My favourite thing about this movie is its weird portrayal of Santa, and for once I actually can explain why it fascinates me.  If you’ve ever seen the movie Mothra, you probably had a good laugh at the bit set in the foreign land of Rolisica, which shows us what Japanese people in the 60’s thought Americans were like (if you haven’t seen it then for heaven’s sake do so – it’s funny as hell).  Santa Claus is kind of a whole movie about that, because when it was made in 1959, Santa wasn’t really a thing in Mexico.  The film was an attempt to import him, and so we get to see our beloved Christmas traditions through the eyes of a people who aren’t very familiar with them.  

We begin with a tour of Santa’s workshop, which is not actually at the North Pole, but floating in space somewhere above it.  In American Christmas movies the toy factory would be staffed by elves, but this one goes for another short, energetic option: children from around the world, in the form of a parade of offensive stereotypes embodied by tone-deaf six-year-olds.  This is very strange, not only because they all seem to be singing in the snow rather than working, but because we find ourselves unavoidably wondering who these kids are.  Where are their parents, and how did they end up in Santa’s custody?  Are they orphans he took in, or is this some kind of mass kidnapping operation?  Do they get an education?  What happens to them when they grow up?

When you give it a moment’s thought, however, this setup actually makes more sense than elves.  What the hell are elves, after all?  Where do they come from and why do they work for Santa?  Nobody ever asks that, because it’s just part of the mythology (and when movies do try to offer answers they’re almost always weird and disappointing).  You might as well ask why the Easter Bunny is a rabbit. That’s just how it works.  If you haven’t grown up hearing about it, though, the idea that orphaned children get raised by Santa, helping to bring joy to the rest of the world… that's messed-up, but it works.

The same applies to Santa’s collection of magical surveillance equipment, which looks like something out of a Salvador Dali sugar high. American Christmas films, like the classic Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer or even Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, rarely go into how Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.  Again, he just does.  Because Santa was something new to the Mexican film-makers, though, they felt like they had to explain it.  Their attempt tried for whimsy but took a wrong turn and ended up smack in the middle of fucking creepy.

It’s creepy in several ways, too.  I mean, the giant lips that speak in the voices of children’s wishes are an awful image, but there’s also the fact that Santa is spying on you directly.  He’s watching your dreams.  He’s listening to your whispered conversations.  He’s reading your fanfiction.  The Three Naughty Boys discuss how they don’t believe in any of this and Santa speaks to them, informing him that he knows very well what they’re planning!  Santa is Big Brother, always watching – and this is true of the ordinary concept of Santa Claus, too!  We sometimes make jokes about this but it seems harmless to us because we never delve into the details the way this movie does.

This thread of explaining things we don’t normally think need explanation runs through other areas of the movie as well.  Why does nobody ever wake up and see Santa Claus?  Why don’t our dogs bark at him?  Because he’s got a sleeping powder and a magic flower that can make him invisible. If that were as far as it went, then it wouldn’t be too strange.  I can see similar things appearing in something like a The Santa Clause sequel… except that there, they would probably have been made by the elves.  Since Santa Claus does not have mechanically (or dentally) gifted elves, it needs to provide another origin. Hence the inclusion of Merlin the Magician and Vulcan the Smith, which seems like a weird juxtaposition of mythology to us, but as far as the Mexicans know they’re all ‘American’ so they’re close enough.

Santa Claus also feels obliged to confront the awkward question of class differences.  Santa is supposed to be an egalitarian figure: he doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, only if you’ve behaved yourself.  Poor kids should therefore get just as many presents as rich kids, which is manifestly not true in the real world.  Most American movies just pretend everybody is middle-class and ignore the issue completely.  Santa Claus tries to do something with it and the results are once again, weird.

There is, for example, the never-named Rich Boy who is tired of toys and just wants to know his parents love him.  Santa makes his wish come true by drugging Madre and Padre into heading home from their Christmas Eve out, and the question of whether he got any other gifts is never brought up.  The nearest thing the movie has to a main human character, however, is adorable little Lupita, whose father is out of work.  She wants a doll for Christmas and frankly any doll will do – she struggles with the idea of stealing a rag doll from a craft market, but puts it back, and Santa rewards her by bringing her a doll her parents could never afford.

And that’s nice, but what message does it send to all the well-behaved children in the real world whose parents can’t afford to buy them anything fancy?  That they weren’t good enough?  That they didn’t write a nice enough letter or say a nice enough prayer?  That Santa just doesn’t give a shit?  There’s a reason most Christmas movies don’t touch on this.

The specific doll Santa brings to Lupita also kind of bugs me… it’s just not a good present for a child like her.  Lupita is around five or six years old.  She needs a doll she can cuddle, play with, and carry around with her, like the one from the market.  The one she gets is as big as she is and wearing a fancy dress.  That’s not a toy, that’s a piece of décor.  It’s the doll that sits in the rocking chair in your grandmother’s living room and which you swear you can see move out of the corner of your eye. It’s not huggable, if she takes it anywhere it’ll get dirty or broken, and there’s a cynical part of me that thinks her parents probably sold it the next day so that they could buy food or pay the rent on their hovel or something.

Then there’s Santa’s adversary.  American Christmas movies pit Santa against bad weather, other supernatural entities like Jack Frost, and ordinary grouches like Phineas Prune.  In this movie, the villain is the devil.  This does, I guess, make a certain amount of sense, since Santa is dedicated to rewarding well-behaved children while Satan wants to collect the souls of the wicked, but we’re just not used to this meeting of religious and secular imagery.  Christmas is a Christian feast pinned to the ass of a much older Pagan solstice festival and it has never managed to really do away with this duality.  Most people keep the Christian and folk sides of Christmas pretty separate, but here we see them collide head-on.

Finally there’s the stuff that’s just plain terrifying.  Like the creepy laughing reindeer.  Or the rather complicated explanation of why Santa must make it home before sunrise.  When the sun comes up, the mechanical reindeer will turn to dust, leaving Santa unable to return to his palace in outer space.  What will happen then?  Why, he’ll starve to death, because Santa and his helpers subsist on sweets made from clouds and stardust, and cannot digest normal food!  Wait, the toy-making children, too?  What does happen to them when they grow up?  Can they return to Earth and start eating burgers like the rest of us, or do they remain children in Santa’s bondage forever? I told you this movie was weird.

Santa Claus is not as enjoyable in its own train-wrecky right as its Martian-Conquering cousin, but it is my favourite of the MST3K Christmas episodes. The movie itself is cheerful and the host sketches are a positive delight.  I particularly love everybody’s joy at the terrible Secret Santa presents, and their all-inclusive seasonal song that distilled tumblr to its essence decades before tumblr ever existed.  The very best part, however, is the awesome Christmas mods they did for the bots.  I love the snowglobe in Tom Servo’s head, and here I am once again helpless to articulate why it’s so damn funny. 

[wednesday4econlive]

Journal Entries from Different Perspectives on Small Businesses Affected by COVID-19

Megan Vu #83145895

Paulina Pham #16434283

Abraham Najera #24601711

Occupation/Perspective: Server at local ramen and sushi restaurant

Something that COVID has definitely affected is the supply and demand in the restaurant industry, especially small businesses. I currently work as a server for a small business restaurant and supply and demand has constantly been changing based on the county’s new policies. For example, dine-in was not allowed for a while so my restaurant switched to takeout only to accommodate. However, we still were not making nearly as many sales as we usually do and of course because it was takeout only and very minimal service, our tips were much smaller than normal, greatly affecting my and my coworkers’ lives. I know some of my coworkers were late on rent and other payments because of the sudden lack of income. Then, when outdoor dining was allowed again, suddenly the demand was too much to handle. Everyone was getting out of their houses and the supply was unable to meet the demand because county COVID policy stated that restaurants can only open at a certain capacity. Therefore, many people were upset when they would show up and have to wait an hour to eat. With my previous knowledge of economics, I’ve always thought supply and demand essentially move with each other and if they didn’t, businesses would go bankrupt, etc. However, I’ve realized that supply and demand can apply to so many things, even small things like dining at a restaurant. I’ve also thought that supply and demand only really affected the production of a good, the people producing that good, and the people buying that good, but in reality it can affect so many people outside of that transaction. It wasn’t just between my boss and the customers. My coworkers, their roommates, their landlords, etc. were all affected as well. In addition to noticing how the basic principles of supply and demand affected the restaurant, I also noticed how elastic the demand can be for certain restaurants. I heard of a lot of small businesses going out of business around my area. Businesses like sandwich shops and pizzerias that offer very common goods with many substitutes were frequently going out of business. However, the restaurant I work at was still receiving enough business to stay afloat due to the inelastic demand for ramen in this area. Not only does our restaurant still receive enough business, but our food is relatively overpriced in comparison to other ramen and sushi restaurants. My boss has had a great advantage during this time because she owns the only local ramen shop. In fact, she was even able to open up a new Korean barbeque restaurant in the middle of the pandemic due to the highly inelastic demand for Korean barbeque in this city. Her prices at her new restaurant are significantly higher than the next nearest Korean barbeque restaurant’s, but the next nearest restaurants are about a 30 minute drive away, which allowed me to witness firsthand the effect of inelastic demand.

Occupation/Perspective: Restaurant owner of Thai restaurant

One of my closest friend’s parents is an owner of a family restaurant. The restaurant is located only locally in my hometown city, so business is reliant on how often locals are willing to purchase from the restaurant whether it’s take-out or dine-in. Since the pandemic has hit, their business has been suffering from several factors consisting of the quantity and supply rule, the opportunity costs presented, and the domino effect of the pandemic. The quantity and supply has shifted towards the left due to the resulting decrease of customers that purchase food outside of their home. 

As depicted in the graph above, the demand curve has shifted to the left, representing how fewer customers purchase from the restaurant due to the pandemic’s personal effects on individuals. The restaurant’s food has been seen as a luxury item or isn’t identified as a necessity; thus, it’s not necessary to purchase the food compared to eating at home resulting in less of a demand for the restaurant. Consequently, the price for the food increases to compensate for the lack of customers. Additionally, the restaurant owner faces opportunity costs when placing value and determining what is more important to them. For example, the restaurant owner allowed dine-in while following safety regulations at a certain point, however, by allowing dine-in, the restaurant owner loses the security of confirmed safety from COVID-19 infection and for her employees. However, when the restaurant owner decides to close dine-in options, she has the opportunity cost of missing the chance to gain more revenue from customers who want to dine in the restaurant. To explain why and how the restaurant is suffering during the pandemic, economists could detail struggles through the domino effect where the cumulative effect produced when one event sets off a chain of similar events. When the pandemic occurred, thousands of individuals lost their jobs due to employers being unable to afford all of the employees for their businesses. This results in individuals being unable to fund for luxury or unnecessary items for themselves like take-out when they could save money and eat at home. By eating at home, this results in local businesses like restaurants suffering due to lack of customers which results in a larger cycle of struggling businesses or individuals.

Occupation/Perspective: Employee at a local gym

Working at a small business during the pandemic has allowed me to experience firsthand the basic principles of economics. I currently work as a front desk employee at a local gym and have been able to experience how the pandemic has affected small businesses. While working there throughout the pandemic I have been able to notice many principles of economics that apply to the gym. The first trend I noticed was just how elastic the demand for gyms is. At the start of the pandemic all gyms in my city had to close down, but after a couple of months some gyms started to reopen again. While some gyms choose to open back up, many decided to remain closed which narrowed the options that people have for choosing a gym to go to. For a lot of people this is not much of an issue at all because gyms are a good with many substitutes. For example, although each gym varies slightly in its qualities and amenities they offer, the basic service of having a place where someone can go to work out is almost the exact same across all gyms. If someone who has a gym membership at EOS Fitness switches over to Crunch Fitness because EOS Fitness closed down, they are still receiving almost the exact same service that they were going to EOS Fitness. This principle of elasticity has greatly affected the gym that I work out because many gyms in my city have chosen to remain closed during the pandemic. Recently I have noticed an increase in the amount of new people signing up for a membership at our gym because they have no other options and our gym provides almost identical services as the other gyms in the area. In the short run, this demand may be very elastic, however, in the long run I am predicting that the demand would be less elastic as people may want to switch back to their original gym because they are accustomed to that facility and know the people that go there. Another principle of economics that I have noticed at my gym is the idea of thinking at the margin. Recently the gym has been experimenting with what hours are best to open throughout the day in order to maximize the profit that gym makes. The gym has been taking note of what hours most people come in and what hours the least amount of people come in. The gym has been trying out different hours to open based on what hours their revenue exceeds the costs they face. The gym incurs fixed costs such as building fees, utilities, maintenance, licensing fees, etc. These are the fees the gym must pay regardless of whether they are open or not and do not make much of a difference when deciding what hours of the day to open because they are paying regardless. The costs that are a deciding factor when deciding what hours to open are the variable costs. The biggest variable costs that the gym has is employee wages. Paying employees is very important when thinking at the margin because if the gym is open they must pay employees to operate the facility, however, if the gym is closed then there are no employees to pay. Thinking at the margin is a very effective way for the gym to decide what hours to open. If the revenue the gym is making exceeds the fixed costs plus variable costs, then the gym should stay open because they are making profit. On the other hand, if the revenue the gym is making is lower than the fixed costs plus variable costs, then the gym should close because they are losing money. The marginal decision for the gym is often only a few people. When the gym has 15 people in the building they are making a profit, however if there are only 12 people in the building then the gym is losing money. At my gym we are only open from 8am - 9pm on the weekdays because if the gym were to open any hours beyond that they would be losing money.

[thejokersenigma]

Loki x Reader - A Human’s Journal Part 5

So if anyone hasn’t already worked out, this series is a bit random, and is just kind of a random drabble series I’m messing around with - I honestly have no idea what I’m doing with it - so when people stop caring/reading it, I’ll stop posting it haha

What this does mean though, is that if anyone wants anything in particular to happen in this story, just let me know and I can work it in! :)

Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything

REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN!

MASTERLIST

“It’s freezing!” I cried indignantly, only halfway up the hill from the house I rented on the outskirts of the centre of Asgard.

Loki was already a few strides ahead of me and I rubbed my exposed hands together in a poor attempt to get some heat from the friction, regretting not having grabbed my gloves before I left.

“Yes, but there are fewer people about.” Loki pointed out, knowing how self-conscious I was – therefore not particularly enjoying running alongside the many other inhabitants of the city who were either completing chores or out running similarly to me.

I often recognised some of them as guards on their days off, keeping up their training, but having them run easy laps around me wasn’t exactly encouraging.

I pulled my sleeves as far over my hands as possible, soldiering on.

A short while later I was sharply reminded what followed the freezing weather when my feet slipped out from underneath me. I caught myself quickly, managing to stay upright, my arms slightly raised to steady myself.

Loki noticed this and paused, glancing back at me, puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s icy.” I called up to him. He continued to look confused at why this meant I had stopped. I sighed. “It’s slippery.” I explained.

His face lit up in sudden understanding and I glanced back down at my feet, trying to determine where the worst of the ice was. The path ahead of me was white with hazardous crystals and a glance behind me showed I had only managed to get this far thanks to the early morning sun having already defrosted parts of the path.

Ahead of me though, the path was largely shaded, and the ice remained.

“Just step carefully.” Loki advised, already walking forward again without any apparent cautiousness in his steps.

I frowned as I watched him walk, watching his feet that showed no signs of slipping despite his lack of care. Maybe his boots just had really good friction - though they didn’t look overly grippy – or maybe it was that magic of his at work again.

It would have been nice if he could spare me some of it.

I scowled at his non-slipping feet but, when Loki glanced back at me to see why I still hadn’t move, I attempted a tentative step forward.

When my balance held, I continued on, though still wary -  any attempt of mine to return to a ‘normal’ walking pace causing my feet to slip, slowing me again.

Loki gallantly slowed to my pace, though he always remained a few steps ahead of me, glancing back whenever I faltered, skidding slightly.

When we reached a small park-like area I immediately moved off the treacherous path and onto the frozen, crunchy grass. Here, I met the opposite problem to what I had on the pavement – where the ground was frozen I made good time -  easily walking with no loss of traction -  but where the ground had defrosted I was subject to the slick mud.

It slowed me down, but not nearly as much as the ice had and I managed to catch up with Loki.

The prince continued to lead the way until we reached the same place as last time. Loki allowed me to walk a little further than last time until we found a large area that had already been exposed to the early morning sunlight and was thawed enough to not pose too much of a hazard to my Midgardian feet.

He then led me through the same workout as before.

This time I felt the ache in my legs sooner, but, by the time I began to truly pay attention to it, Loki had called for my free run – my chance to choose whether I wanted to run or walk for the next ten minutes. I walked.

I had little regret – after all I was just starting out.

Loki didn’t hang around very long after the run again, dismissing himself with the excuse of having duties to attend to. I didn’t mind – he was the prince after – and my studies began soon which promised to take up the rest of the day.

I didn’t see Loki again until late that evening.

“You’ve had a busy day.” Loki spoke from his place on my bed as I finally entered my room for the night. I was slowly acclimatising to him constantly being in my room, but I still jumped when I saw him.

“Have you been sat here in the dark waiting for me to come up?” I asked in disbelief, throwing my bag down. I had been sat with my housemates for a few hours now, unable to escape away despite my exhaustion.

“No.” He said, “I heard you come up.” I frowned at what that meant until it suddenly occurred to me the state of my chambers. “Oh, god – sorry.” I apologised quickly, grabbing at my workout clothes I had thrown on the floor earlier, my bag and a few other random items scattered around.

“You don’t need to tidy.” He muttered as he watched me dash around, throwing things out of sight in the bottom of my wardrobe.

I turned back to him, slightly out of breath and red in the cheeks - more out of embarrassment than anything else – and Loki simply raised an eyebrow at me in amusement. I felt myself blush even more intensely.

“Don’t you have anywhere better to be right now than sat in my room?” You asked in a poor attempt to move the conversation on.

“I do.” He admitted, and his lips quirked into a half-smile when he noticed my crestfallen face.

“Then can I ask why you are crowding my room?” I sassed my heart hadn’t just dropped, moving to the old desk in my room and shuffling some papers together in an attempt to look uncaring.

He gave me a bored look, “I came to check in on you.” He said, “That was my part of the deal, after all.” He muttered moodily, “However, I am [A1] [AC2] still waiting for you to hold up on your end.” He pointed out, his face clouding over.

“What do you mean?” I frowned turning back to him. “I went out with you this morning.”

“The exercise is not the problem.” He stated seriously. “The problem is your eating habits.”

Shit. I’d been caught.

But could I really be that surprised?

“This is the third day you have not stuck to what we agreed.” Loki told me.

I dropped my eyes in shame. It was true.

I sighed heavily, shifting awkwardly on the spot. “I know.” I admitted. “I – I just can’t help myself in the evening.” I confessed. “I wanted to today,” I insisted, “- I barely ate all day whilst I was studying – but – but when I got back – I just - I couldn’t help it.” I shrugged in disgrace, perching slightly on the edge of my chest of drawers, unable to look at him.

I hated disappointing him – it hurt my heart for some reason. The problem was, in the moment, I forgot all about that – and the many other reasons I shouldn’t be eating - only able to remember the pleasure and comfort the food gave me.

I could feel Loki’s eyes on me, but I still didn’t look up from the worn carpet.

“Ok.” Growled Loki. “Maybe I need to be more strict about this.”

I glanced up now, not particularly comfortable with what he was possibly proposing.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked warily.

Loki’s eyes had been staring off into the room, but now they snapped back to mine.

“You’re afraid of me.” He stated in disbelief, noticing the fear in my eyes.

I didn’t say anything – I didn’t want to lie to him – I knew he’d be able to tell if I did, but also admitting it sounded stupid.

He must have been able to read the answer in my eyes as well though, because his face darkened, and I saw his jaw clench.

“I can’t believe this.” He growled, pushing himself off my bed.

“Loki, I –“ I started, standing up with him, reaching out to grab his arm, but the look he turned on me made me falter. Before I could stop him, he vanished right before my eyes leaving me alone in my chambers.

tags: @one-loki-fanfic @sheldonsherlocktony @@jemjem-chan@white-chocolate-mocha-fan @wolfsmom1​

[lxlipetals]

got me looking so crazy right now + lilicole

TAGGING: Lili Reinhart, Cole Sprouse @ole-cole

LOCATION: Coachella grounds, rental house, Indio, CA.

TIMEFRAME: April 14th, 2017.

NOTES: In which Lili needs a cold shower, Cole is an amazing boyfriend, and first times aren’t meant to happen seven fruity drinks in too deep.

Lili was obviously having a /great/ time at Coachella. Surrounded by her boyfriend, her best friends, and live music - she was in Heaven. It was like the modern day version of Woodstock and call her cliche, but she had gotten into the full swing of things. There was a flower crown wrapped around her blonde tresses and her feet were deliciously aching from dancing to the songs that played out from every side of the desert. Her adrenaline was high and her happiness was practically bubbling out of her. The drinks she kept downing didn't hurt her either. At first they had been social anxiety devices to help her feel more comfortable being with all these strangers, but then Lili had just gotten addicted the fruity and sugary confections being passed around in red cups. The alcohol loosened her inhibitions and everything just looked /better/ the more she drank. She laughed harder, she felt freer, and the warm and misty haze around the beautiful people she loved so much made her want to drape herself all over them and show them just /how/ much she loved them. Cole was no exception. He was getting it the most, Lili unable to keep her hands off her boyfriend. There had been this itch that she had been wanting to scratch ever since first kissing him in her bedroom and Cole's /face/ in general didn't do much to discourage it. He was gorgeous, there was no getting around that. That one dark curl that always sprang free and rested against his forehead, the intense looks he'd sometimes shoot at her ("it's like you're an ocean and he's desperate to drown"), and the wide smile that just seemed to light up his whole being whenever they spent time together. Cole actively /wanted/ Lili and nothing made her feel better about herself. Or more desirable. "Babe," she squealed lightly as her arms wrapped around his waist and she pressed a kiss to his neck. She was interrupting a conversation he was having but too drunk to care, this impoliteness slid away like hot butter in a pan. "I miss you. Come dance with me!"

Cole: He could see that she was becoming more and more inebriated as time went on something he was keeping somewhat of an eye on as the night went on, she was as far as he was aware a little less used to this kind of scene than he was, and a bit less versed with getting quite so intoxicated, one problem they were facing as a couple was the fact for all intents and purposes they were both extremely handsy when drunk, something he was wondering if which was truly getting to the people around them. Needless to say anyone close by who didn't know or were unsure as to what their relationship status was, was now quite aware, or under the impression they were two friends about to very much pass that line will drunk. He was by far not as effected by the alcohol as she was right now, and he was in some way starting to get a little worried about how freely she was continuing to down the drinks, while defintely not leaving any time to somewhat sober between even with the continual fresh air, and snaking very much like she always did helping to line her stomach but no where near enough for it to slow the effects of the booze. He sighed against he on instinct before giving their friends an apologetic look as she dragged him away to dance, his arms holding her waist tightly if anything to make sure she didn't stubble over in her state, "You thought I was a handsy drunk " He said lips brushing against her ear as he kept cheek pressed against her jaw line as they moved to the music. He was defintely at the point in his tipsiness where he was not so much caring how affectionate he was being in front of so many people but much more in control than the blonde pressed against him right now. "How much have you had huh." He chuckled his hands moving to her rear without really contemplating it.

Lili smiled in satisfaction as Cole didn't protest to being pulled to the dance floor..or well, patch of spare field that everyone around them was gyrating on. Not that he would have had any say in the matter, but it helped that Lili didn't have to drag him kicking and screaming. Picking up his hand and holding it above their hands as they found a less crowded part to sidle up to each other, Lili closed the distance in between their bodies and settled her hands on his hips as she moved her hips in time to the beat. Lili would swear up and down that she was a horrible dancer but she was less self-conscious while under the influence, therefore more free in her movements and much better than she thought she was. Giggling at the ticklish sensation of his mouth near her ear and also at the feeling of his hands moving down her body and to her butt, lightly cupping it, Lili bit her lip and pressed herself closer to him. She needed him just that much closer. "You /are/ a handsy drunk," she corrected him, arching a brow and looking down at his hands as if to say 'see?' Not that she was complaining. The arm that was snaked around his waist moved up to wrap around his neck and Lili pressed her lips against his, his breath ghosting over her and Lili feeling like she could get more drunk off of it. She hadn't seen Cole down as many drinks as her but then again, this sort of scenery wasn't really new for Cole. Between college parties and other festivals he'd probably attended, he was well versed in how to handle them and Lili..well, Lili was a bit naive. She just wanted to experience /everything/. She couldn't find it in herself to pass down any drinks, no matter if her brain kept warning her 'Chill the fuck out! Drink some water! Eat some pizza!' "I've only had a little," Lili argued innocently in answer to his question and gave Cole a beatific smile. She could've resembled an angel right now with her sweet grin, flushed cheeks, and flower crown tilted haphazardly to the side..if there hadn't been such a mischevious glint in her eye. Kissing him again and then moving her lips up to his ear in a move that mirrored his previous action, Lili whispered, "Do you want to find a quieter place?"

Cole: He let his lips trail along her next grinning against the skin there. "Mhmm I can't change that." He said holding her as they moved to the music. He knew he was being a lot more open to the public displays of affection than he would usually be without the booze influencing him. Soon as her lips brushed his he was lost in the moment unable to catch his breath as he held her as close as possible. Any thought of people watching gone from his mind and all care of it lost. "Oh i can tell you have." He laughed a little shaking his head "but a little might not be the right description." He swallowed at her words holding her close to him lips brushing along her jaw. "What did you have in mind?" His one hand moving from her butt resting on her lower back. He could feel the way the alcohol was effecting him but it wasn't enough for him to not realise what she seemed to be suggesting. His somewhat more sober state telling him that if things got too heated it would have to be him who brought a stop to it seeing as he knew for sure this was not how she would want them to take that next leap.

Lili pulled back as Cole questioned where they would go and what they would do and Lili tugged teasingly at his belt loops. "Oh, I'm sure we could think of something to do," her tone was light and airy but her eyes were dark and heated, Lili licking her lips at the thought of having Cole all to herself for a few hours. She glanced around to see that all of their friends weren't paying a speck of attention to them so they could get away with going off and having their own little celebration. "C'mon," her fingers laced through his and she began to walk backwards, pulling him towards her. Turning around and keeping his arm over her shoulder, Lili led them through the throng of people and they walked in comfortable silence until they had reached the car they all came in. She opened the passenger door, knowing she wasn't nearly in the right frame of mind to drive. "Take me home, Jeeves," she told him cheerfully and of course by home, she meant the place they had rented for the weekend to sleep and refresh from Coachella in.

Cole: He followed her how could he not, when she was acting like she was, if anything he needed to get her back to the room and make her drink a shit ton of water, but he wasn't going to say not to a little more pg fun, before anything potentially went too far. He followed her arm wrapping around her should as they walked fingers laced with hers as they made their way out of the place towards lines and lines of cars, noticing her actualyl try to get into the car the gang had come down in today her close the door straight after she opened it shaking his head, "I think we should maybe go for a taxi, babe, I am not going to get us into a drunk driving accident and leave the others without a way home at the same time." He wapped his arm around her waist leading her towards the taxi area, letting the driver know the hotel name before helping Lili into the back seat with him, assuring the driver she wasn't far enough gone for him to worry about his furnishings. He held against him as they were driven back to their place for the weekend.

Lili was pulled gently back and she gave a confused look to Cole. It didn't even register in her mind that Cole wasn't exactly sober enough to drive home either and now that she looked closer..was that even their car? Who knew. Lili giggled as he pulled her closer to him and they headed towards the string of taxis all lined up and ready to escort the drunk festival goers home. At least Coachella had plenty of resources to prevent tragic accidents. Slipping into the back seat, Lili pressed her head against the car seat and looked over at Cole, the same blissful smile on her face as she thought about how lucky she was to be going home with him. She had seen plenty of women check him out during the day - he was Coachella man bait, in his shirt and his jeans and his sunglasses and even in the cigarette dangling off his lips. It was a horrible habit and she took every chance she had to teasingly lecture him about it but even that further sold his devilish no cares, rebel without a cause aesthetic he had going on. "Mm, you're so dreamy," she murmured to him, grinning as she leaned up to kiss him and held his cheek in place. "I'm hot. Are you hot in here?" Lili felt like her skin was boiling and she held her blonde hair up off her neck, trying to wrap it back up with her red head band and failing. She had lost her flower crown somewhere in the grass.

Cole: He could see how confused she seemed and it was becoming more and more apparent how not with it she was, he was going to have to tuck her into sleep with water by her side the bed maybe force her to eat some crackers or something to help soak it all up as soon as they got back to their room. He was more than thankful getting a taxi was quick and easy because he was worried that she would have headed back and potentially drunk more if they couldn't get out of here quickly. He turned to her as they started to drive noticing the look on her face having to bit back a smile at the way she was taking him in. He raised a brow when she voiced the thoughts that seemed to be etched all over her face as she looked at him, his cheeks turning a little read at the choice of phrasing, he wouldn't have ever placed that kind of adjective to himself but hearing it from her lips no matter how low her inhibitions were made him smile. He smiled into the kiss knowing the taxi driver was probably used to this kind of behaviour but mentally making sure to not let it go too past chaste. "It's warm but that might be the booze and desert." He chuckled letting his hand brush her cheek. "Come here" he laughed taking the scarf from her, one advantage of having had long hair was knowledge of how to handle it, he wrapped her hair into a little bun for her and secured it with the scarf pecking a kiss to her forehead. Soon as the car came to a stop her paid the driver and helped Lili out of the car towards their room, unlocking it and letting her in.

Lili pursed her lips as she continued to struggle in the car but then Cole's hands were gently taking over for her. She stopped wriggling around, and sat patiently as his fingers swept through her blonde locks and pulled the disheveled mess into a pile on top of her head. It didn't make the flush spreading over her body cool down but she could feel a breeze run across the back of her neck. And it was nice to not constantly be pushing her hair away from her face. Closing her eyes and smiling as Cole pecked her forehead, Lili leaned her body into his and kept her eyes closed as they continued to drive. She felt like she could sink through the seats and pass out, the alcohol making everything feel sluggish for her. But when they stopped, her eyes snapped open and she was on high alert again. They were back at their place, completely alone, and that urge to run her hands all over Cole was coming over her again. She climbed out of the car after him and leaned against the door as she unlocked it, licking her lips and keeping her gaze on him until they walked in. Her hands flicked the light on and then Lili was pulling Cole towards her, twining her arms around his neck and giving him a more passionate kiss than she had allowed herself to so far. "I want you so bad," she breathed out and finally pulled back to allow herself to catch her breath. Her lips were bee stung from the kissing and her cheeks were flushed, Lili reaching up to pull her shirt off and then sitting on the bed, staring up at Cole. "Come join me," she patted the space next to her. "I won't bite. Unless you want me to."

Cole: As they made their way into the room he took the cigarette packet and sunglasses out of his shirt pocket dropping them on the table in the entrance to their room, as he followed her into the room, but before he had time to think she was all over him and he had no time to let his brain kick in her was pawing at her too on instinct holding her against his body hands groping her as he puller her a little close to his height, groaning into her mouth and he got lost in the taste of her. Her words hit him hard, at first making him want lift her up and take her on the nearest surface, but then realisation hitting him like a cold shower as she pulled away reminding him how wasted she was, and how little she was actually thinking right now, driven completely by instinct and her hormones and not in a good way. Unlike when they were in Mexico when both of them were sober but getting drunk of each other, something that had very nearly lead down the rabbit hole twice in one night, now she was being effect by more than just the heat between them. He let out a shakey breath making his way over to her. He walked into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water of the counter handing it to her as he made to sit on the bed, "Lets try drinking some of this first before we do anything else." He ran his thumb over his lips as he took her in his slightly loosened mind wanting nothing more than to take her up on what she was offering but the logical and more gentlemanly side winning over, though not enough for him to stop himself from admiring his girlfriends body just a bit.

Lili didn't protest as Cole moved to go get a bottle of water, and even untwisted the cap to take it off and take a swig of it. Maybe if she did what /he/ wanted, he'd be more inclined to do what /she/ wanted. This wasn't a bargain and Lili was in no head space to barter, but all she could focus on was Cole and how he kept dragging his finger over his lips. The lips she wanted to keep kissing. She watched as his eyes raked over her chest, only her bra on and this further fueled her ego. She put the water down and dragged her fingers through her unkempt hair, grinning in a predatory fashion at her boyfriend. Her signature move, Lili moved so that she was straddling Cole and tipped his chin towards him. "Okay, I drank water," she whispered down to him and pushed her hips teasingly towards his. Lili didn't know what came over her when it came to Cole; she wasn't the type of girl to be flirtatious but when it came to Cole, it came so naturally and her sensuality shone through every movement she made. "Let's do the something else now." Her fingers went down to unzip his jeans and Lili sucked in a breath, unable to help the shudder of both desire and nerves that came over her.

Cole: His brain some what short circuited as she climbed into his lap his hands going her waist without a thought, his breath catching as she pushed into him, he may be in the conscious enough mind to stop things going too far but he wasn't able to control his bodies reaction her and he knew that his growing buldge wasn't going to help in stopping her movements in the slightest, it would be a reason for her to keep it up more than anything. Seeing this side of her though not something he could find himself able to fully enjoy given her state made more intrigued for when he did allow things to go there. He was about to speak when her nimble finger undid his zipper and he took a sharp inhale, as he took her hands in his. "Lili" He breathed out looking at her searching her eyes to try and make her see how serious he was. "Not like this, not when you're drunk." He kept her small hands cupped in his for a moment taking a slow inhale of breath. "Not like this. You know all this means a lot to you, you don't want it to happen like this with us." He let go of her hands easily lifting her off of him and placing her to his side as he stood up jeans hanging loosely off his hips in their undone state, he moved to try and help her into bed instead.

Lili felt herself get lifted off and placed next to Cole's side in one swift movement. Utterly confused and a little humiliated by this rejection, Lili reached for her shirt and held it up against her chest. She knew that when she woke up in the morning, she'd be thankful for this. She knew that Cole was doing the /right/ thing and being a /good/ boyfriend. If he allowed this to go on any further, Lili would've realized she didn't know the kind of man he was and Lili never wanted Cole to be anyone but the sweet, thoughtful and always considerate of her feelings man she was quickly falling head over heels for. But right now, flushed and desperate to touch him, and feeling small as she realized that she wasn't going to get her way, Lili couldn't feel anything but disorientation from how fast things had been going to the screeching halt they now were. "Maybe I do," she told him stubbornly but Cole was smart enough to know that Lili really didn't. Eyeing his jeans hanging low on his hips, Lili tried to pull her features into her best come hither expression and gave it one last shot. "Don't you want me to touch you," she asked him lowly, her hands tugging his jeans down so that they were nearly about to fall at the waist. Her hand smoothed over his hip bone and as delicately as she could, Lili palmed him before pulling back and biting her lip. "Don't you want to touch /me/?"

Cole: He watched her expression change and her instant need to cover herself feeling both releaved and bad at the reaction to him stopping her, she was embarrassed and he hated being the reason why even if it was the right thing to do in the moment. His eyes shut and she suggested she still wanted it to go there, he shook his head, he was sobering up more and more by the moment. "I.."He took in a sharp breath at her hand cupping him, a slow moan leaving his lips as he knew he hardened under her touch. He was doing everything in his power not to take her in every way she was trying to convince him she wanted. "More than anything Lili more than anything but not like this." He took her in sat there trying to be seductive and in her drunken state still managing to do exactly that. He ran his hand through his hair taking a step back out of her reach. "Not like this Lili"

Lili and three strikes, and Lili was out. She slumped backwards. What was she supposed to do, /attack/ him and force him to have sex with her? No. Cole didn't want to and the more he turned her down, the less Lili wanted to either. Her expression grew downtrodden as he gently pushed her hands away. She could see that his /body/ was raring to go, but not his mind and that was the most important part. Tucking her lip in her mouth and nibbling down on it, Lili either wanted a time machine to spin back the hours when she had gleefully accepted the drinks handed to her and/or to melt through the floor and disappear from this embarrassing moment that was currently taking place. "Okay," she softly replied. "I'm sorry." She wasn't insecure enough to think that it was because of the way she looked, but she still couldn't help but self consciously pull her tank back over her head. It took a few tries, Lili continuing to get her arms stuck but she pushed on. It'd tack on to the humiliation if Cole literally had to help her get dressed. She stood up, swaying slightly and gripped the nearest end table to steady herself. Her whole head was still spinning and she felt heated. Cole was still hard in front of her and staring at that wasn't going to do anything to turn her off. "Can you get me some more water?" She asked, her eyes not meeting his. It was strange; she wanted him to hold her and reassure her that she wasn't as stupid as she felt right now but she also wanted him to just leave the room and let her soak in self-pity for a few minutes.

Cole: He couldn't take the way it seemed to defeat her he was thankful when she asked him to get some water for her because they way she looked even though he knew he had done the right thing was breaking him. She was apologising to him for what had happened when he felt like he should be the one apologising. He watched her struggle with her top the embarrassment she felt evident and knowing that he was the cause broke him slightly. He didn't want to help knowing it would hut her ego more than he already had. He simply nodded at her request and went to the kitchen to grab a water doing up his belt and jeans as he stood leaning on the counter for a moment trying to right himself mentally to go back into the room. Heading back in he sat down next to her handing her the water feeling it he touched he even a comforting way it wouldn't go well right now "lets get you to bed so you can sleep this off, we'll talk about it in the morning." He knelt down to help her out of her converse before helping her lay down and tucking the covers over her.

Lili As soon as Cole left the room, Lili couldn't help but let a few tears slide down her cheeks. She knew she was being silly and she knew that the alcohol was causing her to take this to heart more than she should. But her nose had started prickling as soon as she saw him exit the room and then she hadn't been able to escape the horrifying conclusion that she was crying simply because her boyfriend was actually a /decent man/. Any emotion that Lili felt ended ninety nine percent of the time in tears. Anger at being yelled at? Tears. Happiness at being surprised? Tears. Embarrassment of trying to give her boyfriend a very weak handjob and being told to basically take a cold shower? Tears. Wiping quickly at the corner of her eyes with her thumb, and then wiping discreetly at her nose, Lili managed to pull herself together as he came back in. She didn't want him to see her upset, or well, more upset than she had already shown him and she definitely didn't want him feeling guilty for doing the /right/ thing. Lili was just a very drunk hot mess at the moment. She took the bottle of water he offered her and took a swig, barely tasting the cool liquid and then placing it on the table. Unknown to her, she'd be reaching for it in the middle of the night after running towards the bathroom to relieve her already aching stomach. Watching as Cole began to tug off her shoes, Lili felt the pinpricks of tears start again (get a /grip/ Lili), and sniffled as she moved back into the bed. The sheets felt cool against her heated skin and she laid there on her side, staring at the wall and curling up. It wouldn't take her long to fall asleep, exhaustion sweeping over her, and she was out like a light before she could even muster up another apology to her boyfriend.

[awesome-possum-posse]

I get that I’m putting up a tough facade over what’s going on, but like shit. The thoughts are still vehemently present and they won’t go away. I’m glad I get angry now instead of staying sad, but this is the second time in a year a best friend has fucked me over and I can barely handle it. She doesn’t give a shit, it seems. I know She’s feeling something because she has stopped posting on facebook and I know SHE knows that I know she lied. But whether she has the guts to come back to me on it remains to be seen. Either way, anything she can even remotely try to clap at me with, I can slap down with a perfectly sound argument no matter what.

"You were mean to me and my fiance" You know perfectly well that I have a slurry of mental health issues that make me somewhat unpleasant at times and unable to realize when I'm getting a little mean. You also know perfectly well that all you have to do to get me to stop is point it out. In fact, you promised to do that for me because it kills me that I'm mean sometimes without realizing it.

"You made me clean when I was sick" Yes I did. You were well enough to make a mess in my kitchen, therefore, you are well enough to clean the mess you made. To top it off, I asked you to only clean your mess specifically. YOU decided to clean the entire kitchen and then apparently turn around and get angry at me for it...when all I had done was ask you to clean YOUR mess (I had had a long day, I was starving, needed to cook dinner, and also needed to clean the living room, so I obviously do not want to clean someone else's mess that is preventing me from cooking in the first place)

"You made us do dishes all the time" Yes. Your dishes. Sometimes mine, but only because I had done your dishes for you previously. You almost always left food in them too.

"You said mean things about my fiance" Your fiancé is a deadbeat gamer who is putting his health on the line to sate his video game and pepsi addictions. Any time you ask him to reduce his screen time or pepsi consumption, he basically kicks and yells like a toddler until you drop it. He was also entirely useless around the house. the ONE time he was asked to do the dishes, me and terry had to go back and re wash every single one of them because he left food all over them and didn't even clean them right. He also buys extremely expensive things without discussing it with, of all people, his own fiancé.

"You wouldn't stop hounding us about our finances" A: You asked me to help you make a budget B: Your idiot fiancé wants to buy a house within a year when his credit score is EXTREMELY poor. C: YOU asked me and terry for gas money a few times...Terry makes $1000 a month, $250 a week, drives further with a worse car, and can still afford groceries, gas, and bills. You can't possibly tell me that you are having legitimate financial troubles when you and your fiancé make $3800 minimum per month and you happen to have an online order being shipped to my house on a near daily basis...some of which are tagged with Amazon Prime on the label. And D: Your fiancé's medical issues that are likely fueled by his excessive caffine consumption and excessive screen time WILL be risking your jobs. You are BOTH still on probation, you can BOTH be fired for A N Y T H I N G. Calling out at least twice a month? Even with sick time and vacation time available to you, when you work an on call, necessary job like you do, you're going to get fired. I'm going to hound you about your fucking finances when it starts affecting me or risks affecting me.

"But we really did have trouble affording gas" (<--- The lie) I drive from the same place, to the same place for work and then from work back to that first place, just like you two do. My boyfriend, who you two make more than double what he makes, drives further on a car that gets shittier mpg's, yet he can still afford paying for bills, getting groceries, and paying for gas. I also have more bills than you and don't have another person helping me with my car like you two do. You cannot possibly believe that I will buy into that. ESPECIALLY not when there are online orders, addressed to either of you, coming in on a daily fucking basis. Excessive enough to the point that my mother, who has only come by my house a few times without anyone there, has picked up packages EVERY SINGLE TIME she came over and those packages were addressed to you. Meanwhile, your idiot fiancé has chosen to take a route to work that adds, I shit you not, 20 miles to the trip every single day. on top of that, I guarantee it was to get expensive, greasy breakfast at the same gas station every single morning instead of eating the FREE food that I offered you quite often. Also, you have a coworker who lives not 10 minutes away that you are great friends with. Why tf aren't you carpooling. 

Even if you somehow have a legit reason that I can't smack down, how the fuck did I deserve to not know that you "had been talking about this" until 4 hours before you started moving out. We have been best friends since fucking kindergarten and you're basically saying to me "Fuck you, I don't care what happens to you-" and then slapping me in the face.

Sorry, but where the hell else are you going to find a place that charges $500 for rent, utilities, GOOD internet, unlimited laundry services, storage services (I cannot use my shed and an entire bedroom because of all the crap they have shoved into them), and even dinner sometimes (often enough to matter)? On top of basically free reign of the house, just don't go into my bedroom without my permission, no security deposit for two pets, and that lets you put as many nail and tack holes in the walls as you need to hang up all of your decorations. And lets you burn incense and candles. And gives you cleaning supplies. And supplies paper towels and toilet paper. I can go on. $500 flat for all of that and more that I can't think of off the top of my head. All within a heavily populated, metropolitan area where ANYTHING was within a couple of minutes drive.

I am livid. Sorry for the dump, but I just fucking cant.

[grabtee]

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Oil is the blood of the earth as we remove billions of barrels per day the earth is dying we are mere guests on this planet. And it hasn’t occurred to anyone that hurricane Dorian destroyed a load of crude oil storage tanks on Grand Bahama and they couldn’t be certain if it had got into the Time Spent With Dogs Is Never Wasted Shirt or not. This whole World is going to be a dead World one of these days, It end up being like Mars, We have muppets on Earth that keep on destroying it all the time. It depends on the course as to how much they can work.

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Both my children had very intensive courses and were unable to fit in much work. We have been able to top up to pay their rent but both have large debts from their student loans. My granddaughter has gone to uni and her maintenance grant doesn’t even cover her accommodation cost so, therefore, she has to do part-time work and help from family to get through. I went to uni in the 70s, I had my tuition paid for, but, that was it. The Time Spent With Dogs Is Never Wasted Shirt authority deemed my parents well off, so I got nothing else. I got a job as an ice cream man on Saturdays and Sundays.

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My daughter was in a similar position when she went to uni, she worked in fashion shops to help pay her way. I’m not saying the Time Spent With Dogs Is Never Wasted Shirt is fair, it wasn’t then, I am just saying some people could do a lot more to help themselves. I went to school & got a loan but it only covered tuition. I was working a full-time job while going to school full time. My job had to cover books, transportation, food, rent, etc. It wasn’t easy, I struggled a lot but if I didn’t work, I’d have nowhere to live, no way to eat there were plenty of times when I had to choose between rent & food. It really wasn’t easy.

[verymerrymartian]

I read an article that put me on a long mental rant regarding cycles in my life which I am still trying to break. 

The USA has the most expensive (and lowest rated) healthcare system in the world. The gods know the hoops I've jumped through trying to make enough money to stay covered. In my experience, I have learned not to count on employers for benefits and at 26, I am still unable to afford the most basic high deductible plans, let alone co-pays. I am a person who has been on their own since high school. Every year, I have tried to further my education but never had the basics of modern human life in America line up all at once (Shelter, Income, Food, Transportation). Without these basics, people have to work to attain these before they have hope of continuing their education. I have been working to line these things up for years so that I could continue my education. I never ignored my financial obligations. I always work, usually up to 3 jobs at a time. I never pay rent late, and have been down to an alarming 108 pounds when I have been too poor to eat...a mistake I can’t make again. Food before rent...I'm not bitching or saying poor me. Even though I have had my struggles, people have been through far worse. I can't stand when people moan about a situation when they have the power to change it. I'm just saying it like it is. Homelessness and hunger affect many people in first world countries as well and, for better or for worse, my adult life has been guided by these themes. I have tried so many times to find the right stable job that would take care of my basic human needs but as many promises as I've received from employers, and no matter how hard I've worked, no one has followed through. If a job is not providing for you and you know it is not sustainable, you can't keep working that job forever, no matter what the other circumstances in your life may be. At present, I make more as an independent contractor for various companies than any of the 30+ oddjobs I've had (working for private startups and corporations alike). I enjoy this independent work immensely because my finances and schedule are in my own control, and, averaging $15 an hour, it is the most I've ever made! The dark side to this type of work is no access to benefits.

Having been hospitalized so many times in my life (hospital bills having racked up into the millions of dollars), health is a constant concern of mine and an instant PTSD trigger. My biggest fears in life are simply for the past to repeat itself, an anxiety very tangible because the things you fear have already happened. I can honestly say that my life would be so different if I didn't have to spend it in ways trying to scrape insurance together...I've wasted years of my life trying to provide for myself in a system designed to take and not give back! In the end, the corporations and employers are going to take what they need from workers without providing basics such as health coverage or appropriate wages, letting employees work harder than they ever have in attempts to "get their lives together," when the employers/corporations know these efforts are in vain, unwilling to be patient or provide circumstances for the employee to change their situation. Corporations and employers keep this knowledge to themselves, receiving labor, until the employee finally figures out for themselves that this job will never provide what they need! Even when an employee stays for years and finally qualifies for benefits and appropriate wages, the truth remains that they will always be stuck doing a job which is not their own dream, chasing this illusive "stability," which society shuns you for not having. A job is just a job. No matter how much you like the work itself or your coworkers, how can you remain passionate about something that requires so much from you without giving back to you? Eventually the worker's soul has had enough. 

To make matters worse, many corporations set up private life insurance policies on their employees while keeping their hours at 32/week or lower, they make millions on part time employee deaths (many working at $10/hr. or less, an amount which, no matter how you measure it, is not enough to sustain anyone) without even providing health insurance to the very same employees, allowing the employee to be qualified only as "part-time," (a cheeky little technique to let the company be exempt from providing benefits) even though the employee bends over backwards trying to qualify for a full time position & benefits. This forces employees to work AT LEAST 2-3 jobs at part time (which, in my experience comes to about 60 hours of work per week) to even just cover the basics like food and rent, and keeps them from qualifying for benefits at any position! I have never escaped the many-jobs cycle. And a cycle it is. When you don't make enough at one job and have to start making the other job a greater priority, employers begin to see you as not serious about the job they pride themselves on giving you. I've lost promotional and benefits opportunities over and over because jobs see how hard I am working and see me as a good fit but soon thereafter notice how much I have to make my other job a priority at that time, and they ALWAYS go with someone who is able to work only one job. (People who need it less based on their financial situation but therefore can commit more time.)

Over the years I have tried so hard and still do not have health insurance figured out. My attempts have left me broke and financially dependent in order to even have the time to commit to school. And all I can really do is pretend not to care anymore. It's out of my control and I clean my hands of these thoughts.