#there. are. no. exceptions

[balrogballs]

i'm a writer irl (can't say who because my agent would rightfully put me into a blender and press the button if i go and out myself as "balrogballs") and honestly the funniest and most humiliating incident of my life was the time my finished manuscript triggered a plagiarism flag with the publisher for two lines of prose in my literary fiction novel...

.... which was word for word similar to a paragraph in a certain explicit work on FFN starring elrond and his batsman from the hobbit films, aka that one elf that looked like he ate panic attacks for breakfast (i forget his name but it's Figwit II) where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment.

and if you think i had to sit in front of one if the biggest publishing companies in the world and admit that it was, in fact, me who wrote the fic where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment in order to avoid being wrongly flagged for plagiarism, you would be absolutely correct.

(yes they published the book)

[froody]

“can straight men be romantically and sexually attracted to men?” sure, I’m not a cop

[reactionimagesdaily]

[demaparbat-hp]

He's never happy

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[iclimbtreestofeelalive]

hey for everyone talking about jury nullification etc etc: it only works if you lie and say you dont know what it is. if youre chosen for jury duty and they ask you if you know what it is, you say no. here's an article going more in depth, and here's the cgp grey video about it.

like. just so we're clear, it's good to know about, but if you go into a courtroom and start talking about nullification, you could very well have voided your place on that jury. be smart about it 👍

[cafffine]

be pro-aging but wear sun screen. sun protection is not beauty industry propaganda it will save you. wear it. or else.

[fairycosmos]

[runawaymarbles]

the "is it ok to have sex when your kids are in the house" thing is so funny to me because like. if you have lived with both of your parents at the same time there's a 99.5% chance they have had sex while you were in the house. if you co-slept then your parents probably had sex while you were in the same bed. this is the gender neutral bathroom debate all over again.

[peachebo]

just me yapping about my au you seemed to like

continuation of this post

[opiumvampire]

fuck w me

[mearchy]

my favorite genre of fictional character is like "i am terrifying to almost everyone, i'm very good at killing, i can endure anything, i've become exceptionally good at playing into my reputation, and if you try to give me positive social interaction i will react with confusion and cower in a corner like an abused animal. and i may try to shoot you. but there is also a chance i may imprint on you like a feral dog receiving its first loving touch! good luck."

[aholefilledwithtwigs]

I once had a landlord offhandedly mention that his mother had set this house on fire before. He and his wife lived on the first floor, and i rented the third.

Apparently his mom didn’t like his wife. So she set their house on fire. The house i was living in.

He assured me that everything was fine now and that this was years ago, just kinda laughed, smiled, and said ‘You know how moms are’

Yes. I know how moms are. I know how fucked up moms are as well. I have known many fucked up moms and fellow children of fucked up moms.

Attempted murder through arson is not typical mom behavior, even for a fucked up abusive mom

Oh, and his mother lived next door 🙃

[brightlotusmoon]

[girlstressed]

"did i tell u this already?" we are in a timeloop and i am in love with u tell me again