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maximumkillshot · 1 year ago

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I Can't Lose You- Part 7

Warnings: Descriptions of Grief, PTSD Flashback, Intense Grief, Mentions of Miscarriage, Pissed off Lee Know, Anxiety, Panic, Everyone is hurting but you knew this... right?

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Characters: Stray Kids, Reader, Nurse, Soo?

A/N: Okay her we are with part 7 the song that I linked is what I had on repeat for part 6 &7 for the most part... I am so sorry and as always I'll be around for therapy after. If you really wanna cry, listen to what I listened to while writing this about 98% of the time, Can You Hold Me by NF and Britt Nicole.

I Can't Lose you Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

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ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

BEFORE: His body went into overdrive, the shock melting into panic. He wasn’t going to let Death take you, “Han hurry up, she's slipping!” He screamed at the door. His scream didn’t sound like him. The sound akin to a bystander watching a loved one jump from a bridge. Watching the body disappear all because of one step. He couldn’t wouldn’t let you fall. He screamed as if he dove for your hand, the same hand that fits so perfectly in his, as you threatened to disappear over the ledge of that bridge. Bin got closer to your ear, so you could hear him better, “Please don’t say that. I know it hurts, just stay with me, hold on. I’m here. Stay with me. You can’t leave me here, please.” Changbin tilted your head, so you could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously thinking, If you go I go. He gently wrapped his arm across your breastbone, trying to provide some soothing pressure to your chest. His hand resting on your opposite arm, rubbing the meat of it in a soothing pattern. His other hand was petting your hair. The hold he had you in gave you someone to hold on to. As soon as his forearm rested you wrapped your hands around it, grabbing his hand as you dangled on the ledge. “Binnie it hurts, pleaseee. Help me, it hurtss.” You sobbed, your voice cracking and breaking, a mirror of your soul. Bin continued to slowly rock you, “I know Angel, I know I want to take it away. Just hold on for me. Hold on to me.” He had no idea how he was able to be calm for you. A part of him knew that he needed to. He was not going to collapse so you could face all of this on your own. He refused. He needed to fight for you, and he would, for eternity if he had to.

NOW:

The boys were trying their hardest to be calm, but some just couldn’t handle it. I.N. and Felix being the two that were physically holding their heads, crouched in the fetal position, trying to cover their ears as they heard your screams in the hallway.

Hyunjin went over to them and picked them up, their forms curling into him as they cried. Hyunjin couldn’t pinpoint why your screams sounded so unhuman, subconsciously trying to find a way to help. Once reality set in he realized, none of them had ever heard the scream of a mother who lost their child… not until today. That made chills go up his spine as goosebumps riddled his skin. That was why it sounded so unhuman. His mother once told him, “Children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around.” He found himself repeating those words out loud as tears fell down his face. He never thought he’d understand those words, but now that he does, he was numb, numb with pain.

I.N.’s heart was breaking for you as he heard you calling out to no one, asking for the impossible. He was trying to be strong but hearing you in so much pain was too much. “I want to help her Hyung but I don’t know how.” That broke Hyunjin even more because he couldn’t do anything. No one could.

Hyunjin rubbed his back saying,“We can only be here for her, Innah. We need to be here, make sure she knows we aren’t going anywhere. That’s all we can do. I wish we could do more, but we can’t.”

Felix was crying because the only thing that could happen was him hearing the screams of a person that he loves, a best friend he considers as his sister, while he can’t do anything at all. The frustration combined with the sadness sliced through him.

Seungmin was the one member whom no one expected to cry yet there he was, crying. No one in the entire group knew he was one of the most hurt. His reactions to everything were visceral. If he wasn’t using the railing lining the hall, he was certain his legs would give out. He faced the wall sobbing, feeling the cold wall on his forehead. He didn’t care that he was in a hallway in a hospital full of nursing staff and strangers. He had been holding all of it in for weeks now…

It all started about two months ago. When Seungmin had come over to the 3Racha house, he noticed some things. He was making some lunch while he waited for the others to come back from the gym. The minute he opened the kimchi, you ran to vomit. That coupled with the fact that you looked like you were glowing raised his suspicion. When you came back to the kitchen he said, “When was the last time you took a pregnancy test?”

You cocked your head to the side quizzicaly as he giggled, “I’m 99.9% sure that you’re pregnant. Pee on a stick just to be sure but… Yeah, congrats. I’m going to throw away everything that smells like kimchi while you check.”

He was there for all of it. Everything from staring at the test with you waiting for the verdict. He spun you around congratulating you. He helped hide the evidence. Helped plan, he was even there when you got the ultrasound, filming it for Chan so he didn’t feel like he was left out. In many ways Seungmin had a better tie to that child than anyone else aside from you. He imagined everything with you.

Ever since he saw I.N. storm out to kill Chan… he checked out emotionally. He couldn’t handle the pain. He couldn’t ignore it anymore when he heard your screams. He thought of all the names you’d send him to see if they’d sound good. If it was a boy, you were incessant on Seungmin. You wanted to name the baby after him because he had “noticed first.” But he got you to change it to Chanseung, meaning “lingering victory”. This whole time...Every scream you let loose he heard the baby’s heartbeat as the memories flashed in and out of his mind.

He remembered the times when he would come over just to clear the kitchen of anything that’d trigger your gag reflex. His Hyungs would get pissed at him because they even labeled the items with "do not touch”, but somehow, mysteriously, Seungmin didn’t see it and ate it all… whoops. He even got up at whatever time you called to pick up whatever you were craving. Another was when you went out for a walk with him and you were telling him about all of the new things you were noticing about your body.

But his favorites were whenever you and himself would be alone in the kitchen or on the couch while everyone was distracted he’d look down at your belly, he would glance around and go to your ear just to say “They have no clue… That there’s 10 people in this house.” He’d do that just to see you try to suppress the smile on your face.

He even had dreams of going to the hospital to meet the baby. The dream always started with the phone call. Changbin would be on the other line as he picked up, “the baby’s coming, they’re already at the hospital, see you there.” Then the dream would jump to Chris walking out, “Congratulations everyone, you have a beautiful and healthy nephew. Once Y/N is cleaned up, you guys can come back to meet Chanseung.” In every single one of those dreams Seungmin would cry happy tears. When he’d be taken back, he was met with the cutest bundle, eyes like yours, a head full of curly hair like Chan’s. Chan would hand the baby to Seungmin and Changbin would say “what about me?” And you’d say, “godparents always hold the baby first.” Seungmin would look around shocked as more tears fell from his eyes, he would look at you and say “really? Me?” You’d look at him nodding with tears of your own, “How could it be anyone else, you took such good care of us, Minnie. You’d do anything for him. Your the one I trust the most with him.” He looked down to the baby and whispered “Hello Chanseung, I’ve been waiting for so long to meet you. My name's Seungmin, I’m your godfather.” He cuddled with the baby as he cried tears of joy, nothing but love and gratitude in his heart. Now that’s all they’ll ever be… Just dreams.

While everyone else was mourning as a friend, a brother, an Uncle, he mourned like a father. He felt like he lost a child. It destroyed him, ripping him apart inside, making him reflexively grab his chest, the air abundant but still suffocating, leaving him no other choice but for his chest to collapse inward as the sobs escaped.

Minho noticed that your screams didn’t sound human, closer to a wounded animal. Minho looked at Chan’s face as you screamed for your baby. He could see that Chan was sad, but it didn’t seem like he was truly grasping it. It was only when Chan’s phone lit up, that Minho’s patience snapped. He saw the name “Soo BFF Y/N” light up the screen, and before Chan could do anything about it, he snatched the phone. Minho grabbed Chris by the back of his neck, his nails digging into the meat of it. Minho spoke with a lethal air as he spat, “Waiting room… NOW.”

They ducked into the waiting room down the hall. The rest of the boys followed suit, locking the door to the room as Minho answered the call and said nothing.

“Hey Baby, you haven’t been picking up, is everything okay? What happened after I left?” Her voice rang through the waiting room.

Minho looked to Chris, and nodded to the phone, Chris responded, “No. Everything isn’t okay. Y/N was pregnant.”

There was a beat or two and she said, “Was?” Then she said, “As in not currently? I guess that is a good thing right? Considering you were going to divorce her for me anyway. A baby would’ve made it messy, no?”

Everyone’s jaws dropped. Some looking for confirmation, that they indeed heard what they did.

Chris looked at the phone like it had offended him his jaw slack, “what the fuck did you say to me?!” His face showed more emotion than hearing his wife’s soul being torn to shreds about losing the baby, “My child is dead and your response is ‘at least it’s less messy now?!’ How fucking heartless are you?” he asked.

Minho couldn’t believe what he was hearing and seeing out of Chris. He just heard his wife scream that she wants to die, that she wants to no longer exist because his child is dead. Yet the thing that gets him offended, have any reaction at all was his sidepiece saying something. Taking the first opportunity to skirt over how this all even happened. Minho wasn’t going to let him get away that easily, he spoke up, “You really are a fucking coward, huh, Chris? You won’t even tell her how all of this happened?”

Chris just bowed his head as Minho continued, “She miscarried from the shock and trauma of seeing you and her husband fucking right in front of her on their 3rd anniversary. YOU and Chris killed that child,” Minho seethed into the phone. “You want to hear what is happening to your so-called best friend? What you call, less messy?”

Minho took the phone off of the speaker and stormed down the hall. His heart was hammering in his chest, hearing of what she said playing in his head on repeat. His pain clouded his generous nature. For once, Minho doesn’t want to protect someone. He wanted Soo to feel the pain that you feel. He wants her to hear your screams. To hear your soul fracturing, hear the blood as it falls from the stab wound in your heart. That knife that no one can take out. That permanent piercing is now festering. The piercing that she and Chan personally put into one of the nicest people he’s ever met. He wants her to hurt. Just the thought of hearing Soo cry, made him smile. He wants her to suffer, truly suffer, just like he wants Chan to suffer. A part of him hates that this is what he wants but the rest of him knows, this is justified. A righteous anger. A human reaction. Which Soo cannot be.

Minho stopped outside of the room and held the phone out for Soo to hear your screams. He could somewhat hear Soo gasping at what was happening. Minho turned on the video to show her what little he could see from the door, which was your form rocking with Bin gently holding you, trying to calm you. “Hold on to me and breathe for me,” He heard Bin talking to you, trying to get you to fight.

“Binnie, please, my baby.” Minho heard your voice trembling, seeing you clutch on to Bin’s forearm. Your voice was worse than haunting, Minho could hear you trying to will your baby back.

“All you need to do is breathe and hold on to me. I’ve got you, I’m here.”

“I can’t Binnie I can’t I need my baby! Pleassee help me!” Your voice nearly gone from all of the screaming taking place.

It filled Minho with rage. The person on the phone caused this, along with your husband. Here Bin was, trying to will you to stay, to hold on to him, not anyone else. That made Minho feel better, if anyone could put you back together, make you want to stay, it’s Bin.

After being there for a minute or two Han barreled by him, all Minho did was flash the phone at him and point to the waiting room and Han nodded. He was telling him that when he was done making sure you were okay, for him to come to the room they were currently occupying with no words.

The minute Minho went back to the waiting room, he turned the speaker on to hear Soo. There was no response, only fast breathing and sniffling.

Minho tried to be quiet as he said, “Did that sound clean to you, Soo? Did that look less messy? She almost died last night, almost bled out from a hemorrhage that you both caused. She just screamed that she just wanted to die already. So tell me, what part about any of this screams a clean break?!”

Soo was silent for a moment and she said, “I never meant to hurt her, Minho.”

Minho’s blood boiled as he said, “People don’t get into cars with the goal of causing an accident and killing someone, but it happens all the same. I am so happy that you called, actually. I wanted to say this to your face but this’ll have to do. I couldn’t do this last night because I’m a decent person who was worried about one of my best friends... But now that she is being helped I can tell you. You are a sad excuse of a human being, I truly mean that. It takes a certain level of desperation to take your best friend’s sloppy seconds. Even more desperate to actually believe that he’d leave Y/N for your sorry waste of an existence. ”

Chan prickled at that, cocking his head, “As a matter of fact, the sloppy seconds is glaring at me while I say this and I don’t fucking care, as soon as I am done with you on the phone I’ll deal with him. You both destroyed someone very close to my heart. A person who has done nothing to either of you and yet you do this.”

Han walks in as Minho is grilling Soo, he whispers something to Felix and Felix goes out of the room. Minho continued, “As if what you did wasn’t enough you have the audacity to say that it was a good thing that Y/N miscarried because it would make the divorce less messy.”

Han’s eyes bulged out of his head at hearing that. No wonder why Minho wanted him here. Han felt rage at those words. Calling the death of a child that was wanted, a good thing? Minho’s lip was tight as he calmly finished his say, “I hope you know what you’re wishing for when you say you want him to yourself. If he did this to his own wife, imagine what he’d do to you… A nothing, a speck compared to Y/N. I hope you can live with yourself, but at least you’re breathing, something Y/N’s child never even got to experience because of you and Chris. I hope you rot and I hope it’s painful. Above all else, I hope that you pay in full for what you’ve done.”

Minho looked around, “Anyone want to talk to IT?” he punctuated “it” as he stared at Chris, daring him to say something. Everyone was silent and he said, “I would say it’s been a pleasure speaking to you, but that would be a lie; the only pleasure I’ll ever have is seeing you suffer.” With that, he hung up and walked to Chan, shoving the phone into his chest.

Minho stared at Chan, “Now it’s your turn… What are you doing here? Were we not clear enough for you?! What part of ‘stay away’ did you not get? Or are you that fucking stupid. She was making progress, she was sleeping and you had to come in, didn’t you.” His eyes burned into Chris.

“I just wanted to see her.” Chris said.

Minho got tunnel vision as he bore into Chan,“I… I … I.. That is all that exists for you, huh? It’s all about you. What you want, when you want, who you want, where you want. YOU wanted to see her, you didn’t even think about her wellbeing did you?! Of course you didn’t! That’s why you came in here and played the husband card over and over again. You are nothing to her. NOTHING! It baffles me how Changbin isn’t even married to her yet he’s a better husband than you will ever be!” Minho’s body betrayed him as he started to shake, “YOU DIDN’T JUST KILL YOUR CHILD… YOU KILLED WHO WE THOUGHT YOU WERE. YOU KILLED EACH ONE OF US! MOST OF ALL YOU KILLED Y/N. THE FUN LOVING, HOPEFUL Y/N IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! That alone is something I will never forgive you for.”

“I’m going to give you one chance to walk out of here willingly. If you don’t, I will tell the boys to go back to the room. Then I am going to lock you in here with me, and believe me when I say you won’t like what happens next. When I’m done with you, I’ll go right back to Y/N and act like nothing happened.”

His tone was too calm, too monotone, the sound sending chills down Han’s spine.

The pain that Minho is in is something that he never shows anyone. He doesn’t like to be vulnerable. He couldn’t help but look at Chris’ wedding ring and think that he should’ve done something, anything to stop him from marrying you. He told himself that it wasn’t his relationship. He even asked Changbin if he was actually going to let this happen. Changbin just looked at him and said, “Does it kill me? Yes. Do I want to be the groom instead of the groomsman? Absolutely. But she’s happy. What I want is nothing compared to seeing her happy.” Just that singular memory gave him enough fuel to do what he had to do. He made a promise to himself in that moment, he will never let Chris close enough to be able to hurt you again.

Chris didn’t make a move, Minho could see that he was shocked. Which only fueled his rage.

Han had to cut in, “Minho… she’s asking for you.” Minho's heart twisted again as he loomed over Chris.

Minho sucked his teeth, “Even after nearly killing her, killing her child, ruining her life… Even now she’s still saving you without even knowing it. You have your chance, if I were you, I’d take it.” Minho stormed out of the room.

With that, Han looked at the rest of the boys, “Make sure he leaves, he’s already banned from the room. You are all welcome to come back up since it was clear who caused her to spiral. She wants you all as well. She’s scared we’re worried or that we’ll leave her.”

Hyunjin looked at Han and said, “We’ll be there. Go to her.”

As soon as Han left the room he saw Minho duck into your room.

When Minho came in he heard you saying, “Where’s MinMin? I don’t know what happened, m’scared Binnie, where's MinMin and Hannie? Lixie did they leave me?” Minho knew that whenever you were scared, you started using pet names. They felt safe to you. With your MinMin, Binnie, Lixie, and Hannie around, you'd be safe. Your voice is low and quivering, fear and panic clear. It's ripping him apart, reminding him almost of a child. A child trying to not let on how scared they are. You were a lot like a child in that way, you were so hurt you didn’t know who to trust, but the minute you see people you are sure won’t hurt you, you start asking for the others, knowing you can trust them to say the truth. You also reminded Minho of someone trying to cry silently, the quake in your voice giving you away.

From Minho’s view, all that could be seen is Changbin, grabbing his sweatshirt and putting it on, hood up. It was your favorite hoodie that Binnie wears, full of different stitches and felt like a cloud. He made fleeting eye contact with Minho. Just in those few seconds he could see Bin’s eyes trying to focus on not collapsing, yet trying to get Minho to understand. Minho could only imagine that what happened minutes ago was something that he had seen last night. Since Bin knew to call out to Han to get the nurses. It made his heart twist yet again, he knows that Bin isn’t used to caring for people. But you aren’t just people. You are more than that, you always have been more than that. That’s why it’s second nature to him.

“Binnie I’m scared what happened, where are my boys? Did I do something wrong, did I scare them? Will you leave too?” You asked through sniffles. Minho could see the effect those words had on Bin as he pulled the hoodie back, he spared one last gaze and flitted it towards the bed as if to say, watch me. If you can’t do what I’m about to do, don’t come in. Then he changed his face completely before turning to you and walking out of Minho’s field of vision. That killed Minho too. How Bin knew instinctually to change his face, his gaze softening.

“What happened isn’t something you need to worry about. You didn’t do anything wrong and the boys aren’t scared. I’m not going anywhere, see I was just putting my hoodie on, its your favorite. You don’t need to be afraid. I’m here. So is Lixie.” Bin’s voice was soothing, calm, steady, eventhough Minho identified the cracks in his foundation with only two seconds looking into his eyes.

Felix added as he tried to calm you saying, “We aren’t going anywhere okay? We are just making sure you’re going to be comfortable. MinMin’s coming and so is Hannie, Okay?”

Minho put on a smile, “I’m here”, hiding his pain for now. Your eyes were darting as you looked at him. Tearstains still painting your cheeks, fresh ones about to fall. You looked so dazed and confused as you looked around the room like you haven't been in it before.

You smiled at Minho, “MinMin…” more tears fell as you gaze fell on Minho’s eyes, “You didn’t leave? Binnie, Lixie, and Hannie said so but… m’scared… I don’t remember what happened,”

Minho wanted to curl you into a ball and shelter you, make sure no one could sneak up on you, that Chris couldn’t get his hands on you again, spew more poison all over this healing space, your personal space. He wanted to tuck you in and stand watch, everything in him drove him to shield and protect you. He couldn’t show that though. He couldn’t call attention to what just happened. It could upset the balance that you are in. Instead he decided on another approach.

“Binnie was right, Beautiful. What happened isn’t important right now. What matters is that we are here with you, we’re going to keep you safe, okay?” Minho reached out and dried your tears with the sleeve of his shirt.

The nurse was just finishing giving you medicine, “What’d they give you? Something good?” Minho smiled warmly. He looked to the nurse who said, “Yes, she’ll be able to sleep no doubt. We’re also giving her medicine every six hours for the anxiety,” she smiled. That made Minho smile wide. He couldn’t help but be relieved for you. You are finally getting the medicine you need.

Minho looked at her and said, “Thank you so much, for taking care of her and coming so quickly.”

She just nodded and turned the lights off.

You yawned and started tearing up a little as you reached for Bin, “Don’t leave, Binnie…Lixie.” Felix was right at your hand as he said, “M’right here, it’s going to be okay. MinMin, Bin, all of us are here to make sure you’ll be okay.” Felix could see your shoulders slowly drooping as the medicine hit you. It was clear that the medicine was making you sleepy. That made everyone smile. You have had nothing but panic, havoc, and destruction. You deserved rest.

You looked at Minho and said, “I’m tired but I want my boys. You’ll wake me when they come back MinMin?”

Minho nodded and said, “Of course, Beautiful.”

You nodded then looked to Bin, “Binnie, I’m tired, if I sleep you’ll stay with me? I don’t want to ask too much, but can I have cuddles while I sleep?” Everyone in the room could tell that you were looking for constant reassurance. You just got out of a bad PTSD flashback, triggered by the man that caused the trauma, all on top of getting no sleep. Han walked in after making sure that Chris couldn’t make it back into the room, only walking in after he was sure Chris was in the elevator and clear of the area.

When Changbin heard you calling out to him, saying you’re scared he just wanted to hold and protect you. He successfully coaxed you out of the flashback. His whole being broke when you came out of it so disoriented. The first things you asked Bin was, “Why did he do that? Why did they do that I don’t know why? What happened?” Then immediately after, “I’m scared.” He didn’t know what to say to that first half. It’s inconceivable how anyone could cheat on anyone, especially someone like you. Trying to answer that question would only prove to be more frustrating for you than anything. Apparently the shock was written on Bin’s face as the nurse explained.

The nurses gently talked to Bin about what he was seeing, he’s never seen you like this and they explained that when someone comes out of a flashback episode, they are very confused. Sometimes they don’t know where they are or what happened. He learned that it was necessary to be very calm in repeating yourself, and ensuring the person coming out of it that everything is going to be okay and that they are safe. The nurse that was in the room with you was the one who coached Bin through the worse of it. He just had to keep pushing, to make you feel safe. He himself was also on the brink of collapse. The wall he made in his mind, to hold all the emotions inside around you, started failing long ago. More rubble falling by the minute.

Bin was trying to be as strong as he could be as he got into the bed with you, pulling you to him, and petting your hair back, “Of course we can cuddle. I am not going anywhere okay? I wouldn’t dream of it. Just take deep breaths. Let the medicine work, Angel.” He looked at you, so small, sweaty, tired, fragile. Felix immediately started tucking you in. Taking time to ensure sealing all of the edges of your body to stay nice and warm. Then he moved your hand to cuddle Bin, knowing that you’d want it there. He resumed his place at your back, he re-tied your gown that was coming loose, then slowly rubbing circles on your back, trying to soothe you. Bin tried to figure out how Chris could hurt someone so precious to him, to all of them. He couldn’t wrap his brain around it. Like that, more bricks fell from the wall.

“M’safe?” You asked Bin, eyes still brimming with unshed tears as you looked up at him. As soon as they were knocked free he used his thumb to wipe them away.

With me…“Always. No one is going to hurt you.” Not while I’m here. He brushed your cheekbone, you head leaning into his touch reflexively. More of the wall crashed to the ground. He gently guided your head down to his chest.

Even though you were being forcibly calmed by the medicine, he could see it. Your eyebrows were tense, still a quiver in your lip. The worst was the shaking. As he held you he could feel the tremble in your entire body. Your hands shook as you held on to his hoodie, rubbing the pattern to calm yourself.

After a few minutes passed, the boys went to come back in, but Han stopped them, just to explain to them what happened. He also gave them the rundown of how to talk to you and redirect and reassure you, that way you can rest.

“She doesn’t look like herself right now, that’s because she is still in a very fragile mental state, she’s going to repeat herself, she’s going to say she’s scared, a lot of things that will make you want to break. You cannot break in front of her. That can make her worse. If you need I can guide you through it. Just stay close to me, okay?”All of the boys nodded and went in. Minho let you know.

“Minnie, you here?” You asked.

“Yes I am, Birdie.” Seungmin said as he walked into your field of vision getting down to your level, “Getting sleepy, Birdie?” You nodded as tears started to spring to your eyes.

Seungmin’s nickname for you is Birdie. When you started hanging out with him more, he noticed something. Whenever you had a song stuck in your head, you would sing it on repeat. Your voice was always very soft, shy, melodic. It reminded him of the morning birds, so one day he called you Birdie and you smiled ear to ear. No one heard him call you that until now, since Seungmin is more an observer than a talker.

“If I sleep, you won’t go anywhere? I’m scared you’ll leave and I won’t see you again.” your tears fell as you looked directly into Seungmin’s eyes.

Seungmin whispered, “Oh my sweet Birdie,” as he kissed your forehead trying not to cry, drying your tears immediately, “You don’t need to be scared, I’m not going anywhere without you. You will always have me, okay? Right now all you need to do is rest, okay Birdie?”

You nodded then said, “Jinnie and Innie too? They’re here too?”

“Mhm, everyone’s here, Birdie.” Seungmin is doing his best to see you relax, lightly petting your hair, “So just close your eyes for me, let yourself rest, we’re here.” As if on command you slowly closed your eyes. What he doesn’t know is Innah is trying not to cry. Seeing the interaction cracking him open again.

Your breathing started calming and as Bin felt your body relax into him, your grip completely loosening. Seungmin didn’t stop petting your hair until he was sure you were out. Only then, did he go to IN’s side, where IN’s tears soaked into his shirt.

Bin played with your hand for a few seconds, seeing how delicate they are as well as gauging how asleep you are. Seeing no reaction from you he draped his hand over yours as he heard a ghost of mere minutes ago, ‘Please just let me die. Let me go.’ The wall collapsed and he started crying. Trying not to shake you at all as he kissed the crown of your head.

“No one’s going to hurt you, I promise. I got you. You’re going to be okay. You have to be.” Bin didn’t care who saw him. He felt so helpless, his soul is breaking for you as he cradled you. He can’t help but think that it’s all his fault. How could it not be? He didn’t follow his gut, he didn’t make the move, and now you’re suffering because of it. He kissed your hairline as he did his best to stop the pain in his chest, worried that you’d hear his heart breaking.

Minho watched as tears fell down his face. Seeing you like this and Bin, the one who gave up his own happiness… Handed his heart over to another man, only to see his heart used and abused. He could feel the pain radiating off of Bin. Minho heard a sniffle and looked to Seungmin. Seungmin always had a placid smile to his face, all Minho found was a quivering lip, tears falling, as he watched Bin.

Seungmin was seeing how perfect you are together, like he always saw, and seeing how broken you both are, yet you are both so strong together. That made Seungmin cry. Even though both of you are in agony right now, torn to shreds, you still clung to eachother, making a silent pact to make it together.

“You can’t leave me here…” He leaned back to see you. Another specter paid a visit, ‘Binnie it hurts. Help me pleaseee’. He felt his chest caving in at the memory. He willed himself to breathe normally, each pull of air burning his lungs, the muscles wanting to constrict. He cradled your head, trying to keep you as close to his heart as possible, “I need you, My Angel.” Bin felt Felix’s hand wrap around his shoulders, much like Bin would do for Lix when he cried.

Bin couldn’t imagine a world without you in it. A life without you. He knows the pain alone would kill him, kill all the boys. Your love, friendship, and loyalty is second to none. You are just that way. That beautiful, that kind, that irreplaceable. That is what makes Bin distraught, the thought of no you in the world… even finishing that sentence is unimaginable.

Han looked up at Bin, trying to will himself not to cry. The both of you are so sweet, so kind. He could see the weight on Bin’s shoulders, crushing him. He could see it in his head, Bin keeping everything bad from crashing on top of you, his arms outstretched, using his whole body as a shield. Han knew that if it meant keeping you safe, Bin would carry the world. That’s what separated Bin from Chris.

Both may be fond of you. Only one has ever put your safety over everything. Only one ever made you feel heard and seen. Only one ever made you laugh until you cried. Only one would take off work to take care of you when you’re sick. Only one made you understand that there is no priority above you. Only one would calm you with just a touch. Only one truly loves you with their heart and soul. That “only one” was in the bed with you right now.

Han watched, eventually just letting the tears fall as Bin held you saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you, I’m sorry. I love you… I’m so sorry. Don’t leave me.”

That was the first time Changbin had ever let himself say it out loud, “I love you so much it hurts…I Can’t Lose You.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

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chweverni · 1 year ago

Text

HOW I THINK _ bonedo 'n their love languages ! (pt.1)

pairing; ot6!bonedo x fem!reader synopsis; how would your adorable boyfriend(s) express their love for you? word count; 998 author's note; this is my first time writing sth ot6 soo bear with me!! and thank you all for the immense support on my prev posts it means a lot <33 keeping in mind that there are only 5 love languages, i'll try to make it as accurate as possible ! ♡ read pt.2 here !

edit; i did get two of the members' name wrong at first! im so sorry to previous readers :((((((

MYUNG JAEHYUN - quality time/physical affection

jaehyun is known for his bubbly personality and moreover he's an ENFP. so chances are, that he's a sucker for one-on-one interaction with his significant other. so, he would like spending every minute he can with you, be it for studies or just simply sitting together with you, talking about your day. he's the one to sulk over delays in any plans you two make and he'll probably go off like, "so, when are you free if not today?", with a VERY adorable pout plastered on his face. (let's not forget how his eyes sparkle most of the times).

also, i think he's very likely to randomly hug or kiss you in the middle of the day. so be ready for very tight back hugs, fore-head kisses, nose kisses, interlocking of hands or wrapping an arm round your shoulder randomly during classes, or during chores or projects!

"just one kiss! i promise it will happen again!", he'll say with a smile, proceeding to cup your face to plant a kiss on your lips.

"can we hold hands? i'm 'bout to sleep. class is getting boring!", he'll say while pulling your chair closer to him quietly to not disturb the class.

PARK SUNG HO - words of affirmation/acts of service

ENTJs although extroverted, are not known to be big fans of physical touch so he'll be more focused on helping you around, be it for school work such as homework, or assignments, or projects. he'd be the one to prepare notes for a class he's not even taking, just so that you can at the least fulfill your five hour sleep schedule. he'd be the one to prepare playlists and compile them in cassettes or CDs so that you can listen to them while doing anything.

when you're studying together at the library, if you're picking up something from under the table, he'll make sure to cover the edges of the table with his hand, so that you don't get hurt. the type to open car doors, or classroom doors for you.

he'd be the type to want to listen to words of affirmation which assures him that you still love him in the relationship. and this goes both ways, he'll also praise you and your achievements (even the smallest ones).

"ah! i'm so proud of you, love! i knew you could do it.", he'll say, being your biggest supporter at anything you do.

"i love you a lot, and maybe you've heard that a million times already. but, my love for you is exponential."

LEE SANG HYEOK - physical touch/words of affirmation

riwoo is a cutie patootie and for him, intimate actions such as hugs, kisses, holding hands, wrapping arms around your arm/waist and words to affirm that he, in fact, is the one for you, is the best thing one can do to make him feel loved. think of it like this, if you remember every little thing he says and acknowledge his interests, likes and dislikes, he'll probably just wife you right there and then. (not that it's that easy though! he's probably the one who takes long before they let someone in their hearts/lives)

and it goes both ways too, he'll remember the most insignificant thing you say and remind you how cute, pretty, sexy, kind, caring, understanding you are.

"you're a good listener, you understand me so well baby.", he'll say, leaving a short kiss on your lips.

"and a good kisser too! i won the lottery!"

he'll be the one to keep you close to him whenever you both go out for a date. it's like, he loves you too much to let you go. he'll put your hand in his pockets if it's cold (still holding hands there, too!). he'll randomly just go ahead and give you recharge hugs when you're preparing for exams or tests at school.

"i hope you feel better because your warm hugs are like batteries for me to continue with school."

HAN DONG MIN - quality time/acts of service

INTJs are a bunch of people who like to focus on more deeper aspects on relationships, such as communicating, understanding and helping each other out during hard and stressful times. taesan would be the type to engage in deep and long thoughts with you, often asking you if there's anything at all bothering you. "can i say something about this baby? or you'd like me to listen?", he'll say, while softly rubbing your back, when you're opening up about your day.

acts of service go both ways for you two. he'd be the type to carry your stuff for you if it's too heavy. or the one who give you a piggy back ride if your shoes hurt your feet. he'll push stray strands of hair out of your face when you're reading something with concentration. and for you, you'll make him food whenever he's late from practice. or save him the work given at school, so that he can catch up without difficulties. you'd make small cards to remember his birthday and plan dates whenever you can to show him that you love him as much as he does.

"love, you didn't have to do this.. you were probably busy with school work too..", he'd say, fiddling with his fingers, feeling bad that you went out of your way to make him food while he practised.

"no! this is my way of saying that i love my hard-working boyfriend a lot and he should learn how to accept my gifts, because this is gonna be a long-term thing from now on-wards!"

"i love you..", he'll reply, sitting down with you to eat together, while you ask him how things went there. maybe you offer back pats and head pats as he talks about it. he'll be thrilled to see little notes you leave at his backpack during practice and will most definitely call you afterwards to return the favor!

hehe! i'll update about the remaining two members later! i hope this post intrigued you lol

all creds to chweverni only on tumblr! <3 come back for more!!!

#boynextdoor #boynextdoor imagines #boynextdoor x reader #mbti #love languages #jaehyun bnd x reader #boynextdoor jaehyun #riwoo x reader #boynextdoor riwoo #boynextdoor sungho #sungho x reader #taesan boynextdoor #taesan x reader #i hope this was accurate!!

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elliespassagerprincess · 1 year ago

Note

i love emily im sorry soo much,, do you think u could please write an ellie x reader based on the song night shift by lucy dacus?? i think is a good song to make a fic <3

night shift - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! thank you sm for the compliment! And yes it's literally is an amazing song for a angst fic! I hope you enjoy:)

This story is based off the song Night shift by Lucy Dacus, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

Requests are always open feel free to leave one or just send me a song and I'll take it from there:)

Warnings: sadness and cheating

Summary: In which you were the other women

wc: 1.8k + the lyrics

The first time I tasted somebody else's spit, I had a coughing fit

I mistakenly called them by your name

I was let down, it wasn't the same

I'm doing fine, trying to derail my one-track mind

Regaining my self-worth in record time

But I can't help but think of your other in the bed that was mine

The day Ellie Williams asked you out was truly the best day of your life.

It all started with small smiles, gentle touches and loving gazes. You knew from the first day you laid eyes on Ellie, that you wanted to be with her. And never in a million dreams did you think that you stood a chance with someone as beautiful such as Ellie.

You didn't regret asking her for her number. You didn't regret saying yes when she asked you on a date that day. But the more you think about it, the more realized maybe you should’ve said no.

"Hi I'm Ellie’s girlfriend, is she here today?" The girl asked with a smile on her face.

oh.

Girlfriend?

Ellie was never mentioned anything about a girlfriend to you.

Fuck.

"Oh hey Cat" you heard Ellie’s voice from behind you. You turned around and you and the autumn brown haired girl made eye contact.

Ellie’s eyes widened when she saw you were talking to Cat, but her shock was soon replaced by her signature smirk.

"Hi babe" Cat greeted Ellie cheerfully "can we talk?" She asked. Ellie gave her a quick nod as she walked out from behind the counter. As Ellie and cat walked away she reached down to grab the girls hand and if felt like you've been stabbed.

You quickly excused yourself and you ran down the hall in the storage room where you and Ellie would always meet each other.

Holy shit.

She had a girlfriend? What? You thought she liked you?

You and Ellie were never official, but you went on dates. You held hands. You kissed her for fucks sake. You were the other women. Ellie didn't care for you as much as you thought. She was using you.

You heard the door handle of the storage room rattle. You looked up and you quickly wiped away your tears: "Ellie?" You questioned, with a hopeful voice.

"No it's me!" You heard Dina’s voice yelled back. "Ellie went home with her girlfriend so you'll have to take her shift"

You let out a sigh as you felt the tears flow freely once again.

You were supposed to be mad at her. You were supposed to hate her. But you called out for her? You would never admit it out loud but you were actually waiting for her. You were waiting for Ellie to come and apologize and to say that this was all a misunderstanding. You silently sat there crying.

You were the other women.

Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth?

Call you a bitch and leave?

Why did I come here? To sit and watch you stare at your feet?

What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands?

If you truly hated Ellie like you claimed you did, you wouldn't have opened your apartment door that night.

That one faithful evening in September, when you heard a knock on your door.

“Who the fuck could that be?” you muttered to yourself as you got up from bed rubbing your eyes.

You look over to your phone if see it's 1:00am. You yawned as you walked to the front door. You opened it and your eyes were met with the girl who broke your heart all those months ago.

The girl you thought you would be spending the rest of your life with.

She looked at you, her normally neat hair was a messy, dark circles under her eyes.

god you thought you looked bad.

"What are you doing here Ellie?" You asked.

She could've come to you a long time ago and suddenly she shows up? What does she want? Does she want to get back together? Is she here to beg for forgiveness?

"Jesse told me that you were serious when you said you wanted to work the night shift" she spoke, as she brought her right hand up to awkwardly scratch the back of her neck.

You didn’t know if you wanted to punch her or kiss her.

Ellie’s gaze fell down to her feet and the two of you were surrounded by silence.

Since when is it so quite at 1 in the morning?

"Why are you here?" You finally asked again.

Ellie looked up at you once again. She hesitated. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. The words weren't coming out.

‘she's so fucking pathetic’ you thought to yourself.

"Are you here to apologize? To make yourself feel better?", you spoke again.

Ellie looked taken aback, her facial expression morphed into a face of confusion? Hurt? You couldn't tell.

"I love you-" Ellie started, you let out a laugh even before she could finish.

"If you loved me, why was I the other women?" You questioned.

Ellie fell silent. She stared at you. She was at a loss for words. How could you say such a thing? You knew nothing about her situation. You didn't know that she can Cat had been in a loveless relationship for years. You didn't know how much she loved you. You didn't know how alive you made her feel.

Ellie was brought back to reality when you spoke: "You can't even fucking speak to me".

You let out a sigh as you took a step back to close the door. Ellie’s large hand reached out to try and stop it, but you were too quick. You closed the door in her face. Ellie put her forehead against your front door as tears streamed down her cheeks. She heard your voice from behind the door:

"You are such a fucking bitch Williams"

Ellie turned away from your door, her hand gripping her shirt as she started sobbing.

Loud sounds of crying filled the quite streets of Jackson as Ellie stood at your door realizing that she lost you.

I feel no need to forgive, but I might as well

But let me kiss your lips, so I know how it felt

Pay for my coffee and leave before the sun goes down

Walk for hours in the dark, feeling all hell

"I think I should start working the night shift" you told Jesse one morning.

"dude I thought you hated it"

You went quite for a moment. You did hate it. But you couldn't stand working another shift looking at Ellie. Even being in her presence made your heart yearn for her. If feels like you've been starved for years without Ellie’s touch. And you fear that even if your finger just lightly touched her you'd lose your mind.

You already felt guilty enough when you found out Ellie had a girlfriend, you didn't want to make a fool out of yourself by confessing your undying love to her.

You walked out of Jesse's office and into the locker room. Ellie was in there. You walked right past her, going to your locker you quickly pulled out your bag.

"Wait our shifts are starting right now, where are you going?" She questioned.

"I'm working the night shift from now on" you replied as you made your way to the door. You felt so cold hand grab your wrist and when you turned around and you were met with Ellie’s pleading eyes.

"If you work night shift I won't be able to see you" she spoke softly.

You forcefully removed your arm from Ellie’s grip.

"go see your fucking girlfriend"

You turned away from Ellie, walking to the door and you stopped. It was as if your feet were glued to the floor. You slowly turned around to face Ellie once again.

"I'll never be able to forgive you" you muttered softly and you looked at the girl you had so much love for.

"Please try" Ellie begged.

"I'll leave her" Ellie quickly reasoned with you, to make you stay.

You shook your head as you dropped your bag onto the floor. You made your way towards Ellie as you once again muttered “I can't fucking forgive you" as you wrapped your arms her neck, her lips soon crashed into yours.

The kiss was intense. You've been starved from Ellie, and this was your first taste in months.

Teeth crashing into each other, heavy breathes filled the room, and hands were roaming.

You pulled away and you looked at Ellie for the last time.

Her eyes blown wide, her lips swollen her chest rapidly rising.

You once again moved from her grip as you picked up your bag.

You stood the door once more. Before you walked out the door you turned to Ellie one last time, giving her a small "I love you" was the last words she ever spoke to you.

Don't hold your breath, forget you ever saw me at my best

You don't deserve what you don't respect

Don't deserve what you say you love and then neglect

Now bite your tongue, it's too dangerous to fall so young

Take back what you said

Can't lose what you never had

You don't even know why you're upset. Why were you so fucking depressed over a relationship that never even happened?

All you do is fantasize over a relationship that wasn't even real.

What you could've been. And you know you were being delusional when you thought you had a chance with her, and yet you still fell for her.

But we all learn the hard way don't we?

You can't be sad over something that wasn't even yours to being with.

All you had to do was suck it up and get to work. You'd eventually get over Ellie. And you'd be happy again, right?

As much as you try to convince yourself, you aren't so sure you can see a happy life without Ellie.

The girl you thought was your soulmate.

You got a 9-to-5, so I'll take the night shift

And I'll never see you again, if I can help it

In five years, I hope the songs feel like covers

Dedicated to new lovers

"Are you sure you want to take the night shift?" Jesse asked you one last time.

"I'm sure" you replied

Even though you hated the night shift it got you away from Ellie. You didn't have to see her at your workplace. You don't have to constantly be reminded about what the two of you could've been.

"Remember Ellie will come in at 9 tomorrow" Jesse yelled as he walked out the front door of the Café. He gave you a small wave, as the bell chimed when the door finally closed.

"yeah I know" you yelled back.

You hoped that one day you'd stop working the night shift.

And maybe, just maybe you'd be able to move on from Ellie.

But till then you'd rather torture yourself than to be in the same room as Ellie fucking Williams.

Authors note: guess who disappeared and whos suddenly back again? obviously me.... remember you are loved and to always be kind, my requests are always open

yours truly,

Zia<3

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euphoricimagination · 1 year ago

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Summary: you team up with Reo and Chigiri and head to the second stage, where you would battle against Isagi, Barou and Nagi, who will win? And who will be stolen?

Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 -> Masterlist

"Reo, wanna team up with us?"

"Leave me alone" he answers, an annoyed look on his eyes

"What happened to him? He used to be so cocky with us" Chigiri asks, a tsk sound coming out of Reo's mouth

"I told you, Nagi wanted to play with Isagi, so he left him behind" you explain to Chigiri before turning to Reo "What? Did you think that Nagi will mindlessly follow you everywhere?"

"Huh?!" Reo asks you even more annoyed than before, making you smirk "aren't you the same with this red hair?"

"Not really, i waited for him because i wanted to, i could easily join anyone and still make it work" you shrugged

"Ouch, I'm hurt Yn" Chigiri says playfully "we wanna to kick Isagi and Bachira asses after they left us being"

"Soo.. You join us or not?"

"Why? Why me? Why would you want me on your team?" Reo asks confused

"Because you're clever"

"Because you're incredible" both Chigiri and you say at the same time, making Reo blush

"Yeah…you're right. I am skilled and incredible, having me on your team gives you value you can’t get anywhere else. And yet… he had to go and leave me… for Isagi! That stupid whiny baby just pisses me off!!" Reo exclaims, making raise your eyebrow

"You know what? I don't want him anymore" you say to Chigiri "I'm sure we can find someone else, i meet this dude called Yukimiya and he was super nice"

"Relax, that could help us" Chigiri chuckles "oi, we want to beat Isagi and you want to beat Nagi, so how about an alliance of revenge?"

"Sounds good to me. It's a pleasure to be working with you, Chirigi, Yn" Reo takes Chigiri's hand, accepting the offer "let's kill the bastards who betrayed us"

"You're talking too far" you say rolling your eyes

"Lets beat them all, elite" Chigiri adds with a smile

You three go to the door to the second stage, one of the fastest teams to form and go through the doors. You enter the next room, a big one with a number three on the floor with a few teams waiting there. The TV turns on the moment you enter, Ego appearing on the screen as he explains how this new stage is going to work.

"So basically we battle and take a player of the other team until there's only one left?" Chigiri asks

"Yeah, pretty much. We basically have to play against someone we want to steal for our team" you add. Suddenly your rankings changed, according to Ego's explanation, it was according to the order in which everyone cleared the first stage, explaining the number two on it

"Damn, N°2 huh? Well done Yn!" Chigiri ruffles your hair

"You finished that quickly?" Reo asks for the first time, he had a number 8 on his arm while Chigiri a number had the number 20

"Yeah, i thought about teaming up with that Itoshi guy, but he's an asshole"

"How come?"

"He said that it didn't matter who he teamed up with, everyone was just a stepping stone for him. Like hell I'll team up with him"

"Yeah, you would say something like that" Chigiri adds

"So, we have 24 hours to choose a team right? Let's train for today and choose someone after"

"Sure"

You three go to the training fields to start practicing, Reo was able to understand pretty fast what our our abilities allowed us to do, so your abilities quickly matched up, allowing you to have a very productive practice.

It was already late when you finished, all of you sweating profusely

"That was some training" says Chigiri drinking

"Yeah, that was exhausting. I'm going to the lockers" you say standing up

"I'm assuming you're not joining me in the showers? Chigiri asks, standing up too

"Not yet"

"What do you mean? You don't shower with the rest?" Reo asks

"Nah, he has a weird complex and doesn't like being with others. Don't really get it, but I won't force it" Chigiri answers for you "what about you, Reo? Joining me?"

"Go ahead, I'll join soon" Reo says, making you and Chigiri start going to the door

"Hey Chigiri, is your leg okay?" You ask him

"Better than ever! What? Worrying about me?" He teases you, passing his arm through your shoulder

"Well, I don't want to hear you whining like a baby if you get injured again? Ouch" you exclaim after Chigiri hitted your head chuckling. You can feel Reo's eyes on both of you.

Chigiri went to the bathroom to have a shower, Reo joined after, while you laid on the seat of the lockers, waiting for everyone to come out and also allowing you breathe freely as you untie your binder. A few minutes pass when you hear the door open quickly; looking up you see Anri in the locker, looking everywhere before her eyes land on you

“Yn-chan” she said with relief “Thank god you're alone here. I need you to come with me quickly”

“Sure, let’s go” you follow Anri towards Ego’s apartment, where he is waiting for you while sitting in his chair rewatching the match of Isagi, Bachira and Nagi.

“Yn-chan” he calls you, turning around “I’ll make it quick. As you know this second selection is an elimination selection too, if you don’t get chosen, you leave. You should try to get eliminated now”

“What?”

“You know that you shouldn’t stay in this project for so long, getting eliminated in this stage would be the least suspicious”

“I’m not losing on purpose” you say, seeing his eyes widen at the sudden opposition “If I can win, I will, losing on purpose is cheap and you should know that; this is not just for me, but because of my teammates too. What if I lose and end up getting chosen?”

“Do I have to remind you that you are getting paid to do this? This is your job, you should do what i tell you” Ego reminds you

"I'm.not.losing" you say annoyed "I'm leaving now, you want to eliminate me? Do it, let's see how everyone reacts" You don't wait for his answer, turning around and leaving, not before you notice a proud little smile from Anri.

You go back to the lockers, Chigiri and Reo were already there with towels on their hips.

"Oi, Yn" Chigiri calls you once you enter "Where were you?"

"I went to drink something. What happened?"

"We may have decided on our opponents, right Reo?" Chigiri looks at Reo, who smiles kinda nervously

"Well…while bathing I encountered Nagi, and I may have told them that we will play them…"

"Alongside with how he only team up with us only to beat Nagi" Chigiri adds "Also, Barou was with them"

"Barou? That means that they already lost once, lost Bachira, and won another match to gain Barou? How the hell did they do all that in such a short time?"

"Who knows, but long story short, we kinda agree to have a match with them without you…sorry" Chigiri looks guilty

"It's alright, we came here to have a match with them anyway, so we just have to win"

"Ha! Well said!" Chigiri ruffles your hair again "the bathroom should be empty by now, you should go and take a shower"

"Sure" you say, taking your things "also..Reo?"

"Huh?" He asks lifting his head, making you hit the back of his head

"Don't you dare to see me just as your tool, you elite idiot" Reo looks at you surprised, making Chigiri chuckle

You went to shower, which luckily was completely empty, and then went to the bedroom, a simple bunk bed and a single bed were the only things in there. You saw some clothes on the single bed one, but considering how things had happened, you just decided to take it over.

"You're back" Chigiri comes in with a tray of food "here, i assumed you hadn't eaten yet"

"Thanks" you take the food, a rare fried chicken, as you sit with your back on the wall

"By the way, Reo claim this bed" Chigiri sits beside you

"Like i care, y'all didn't ask me anything about the match, so i won't ask about the bed either"

"Petty" he laughs

"Oi, that's my bed, move" Reo days, entering the room

"No"

"No?"

"No" you say, making him raise his eyebrow "I'm not Nagi, i won't do everything you tell me to do.. Oh wait, Nagi doesn't do that anymore" you smirk, teasing the rich boy

"You're annoying"

"I bet you're used to people kissing your feet, hey, now you'll experience what a bunk bed is like. Chigiri, do you want top or bottom?"

"Bottom is easier"

"Then it's decided, you sleeping in the top one Reo" you smile at him, he only rolling his eyes "here things won't work always your way"

"I noticed" he scoffs, sitting in your bed too "i hate to admit it, but this is the first time someone treated me like this"

"Get used to it, he's very straightforward" Chigiri chuckles as you keep eating, by now the pronoun 'he' didn't throw you off anymore "but he means well, he always tells you what no one wants to say to you"

The next morning you are getting ready for the match, Reo practically ignoring both of you. You're sitting in the lockers right before the match starts, preparing a strategy.

"Alright" you start "Reo will be the anchor that balances us out, Chigiri and I will try to use our skills and keep attacking from wherever we can"

"Sure, we've trained for this anyway" answers Chigiri "i don't know their plans, but in terms of powerful defense we're probably even"

"We just need to establish who marks who, but…"

"I'll take on Isagi Yoichi, I'll seal his movements and prove to him that he made the wrong decision…ouch!"

"You're being creepy" you say after hitting his head "Neither of us are a great physical match to Barou, but I'm sure i can give him a better fight when it comes to skill"

"I can mark Nagi then" adds Chigiri "also, if we win, who do we take?"

"Both Isagi and Barou are good options, but i want Nagi" you say

"I agree, he had great potential, you alright with that, Reo?" Asks Chigiri

"Well, i was thinking after defeating him that i would make him feel the same pain i did back then"

"I'm kicking your ass, you're just some annoying bast…Oi, Chigiri! Let me go!" You say, Chigiri was grabbing the back of your t shirt, preventing you from getting close to Reo

"We have a match" he hits your head slightly "anyways, let's decide when the match is over, we will choose by majority vote. Let's go now"

You and Chigiri stay behind as you walk towards the field, the purple hair in front of you ignoring you both

"Oi" you call Chigiri "no matter how much i tease Reo, i kinda get him, i guess i would be in a similar mood if you hadn't team up with me…so thanks"

"Don't get too sentimental now" he ruffles your hair "you waited for me, you know? That means I'm pretty amazing"

"You wish, you're lucky that i decided to wait for you"

"I know"

"Let's win this" you say to Chigiri, extending your arm so Chigiri can cross it, which he did

"We got this"

You got into the field, the match starting with them kicking off. The ball goes to Barou, so you immediately go to him; even though you're definitely not nearly as strong as he is, you distract him enough so Reo can come in and snatch the ball, passing it to Chigiri and scoring the first goal. The white team kicks off again, Isagi sending the ball to Barou one more time; you didn't fully understand what was happening, but you were able to intercept him and take the ball rather easily from him, leaving alone as you go to score the second goal for your team.

By the third restart the aura of Isagi and Nagi had changed, Isagi sending a fast pass to Nagi, who does a reverse bound trap to stop Chigiri and makes a goal for his team

"Damn, even Nagi can get better…Also, snap out of it" you say, slapping Reo's head

Now it's your turn to restart the game, sending it to Reo who immediately goes towards Isagi, clearly trying to prove something, he does a quick pass to Chigiri, who is forced by Nagi to pass back to where Reo and Isagi are. With a burst of speed, you intercepted the pass mid-flight, plucking the ball from the air with grace. Your control was immaculate, and without missing a beat, you surged forward, leaving everyone stunned as you started running. You approached the penalty area, making the hologram goalkeeper rush slightly out to close the angle, which led you to do a deft touch, calmly chipping the ball over the goalie. Time seemed to slow as the ball floated elegantly over the line, nestling in the back of the net.

"Oi, we're a team" Reo calls you as both him and Chigiri approach, a small smile contradicting his annoyed voice

"He sometimes gets too in the zone. Well done"

"Shut up" you say, high fiving both of them. You had a chance of winning now.

The white team restarted once again, this time however, Isagi didn't seem to want to pass to Nagi, instead he was going towards Barou. You quickly go to his side, blocking any possible pass towards the self called King; however, you sensed it first, right behind Barou. Isagi was using him as bait. You reacted a bit late to the sudden pass from Nagi to Isagi, or maybe you reacted just in time, but since you were much shorter than the average here, you weren't able to intercept it, only being a few centimeters away from stopping it before Isagi scores another goal. You breathe hard as you sit on the floor.

"That was close, you reacted faster than i did" Reo says to you, offering his hand to help you stand

"Next time I'll stop it" you take his hand,

You restart the match once again, Reo sending it to Chigiri who almost immediately sends it to you; however, you see Barou in front of you trying to take the ball. It's a battle of physique, and clearly you wouldn't be able to win in that aspect, so you pretended to fight against him so he could hit the ball before you quickly ran past him to take it. Barou doesn't yield, so he still runs to take the ball forcibly, Reo arriving just on time to do a double press -which you held onto with all your might so it would be effective- before he kicks the ball away. Reo, however, shoots it just where Isagi is waiting for, who is able to pass Chigiri as he does a pass to Nagi, who scores a goal.

The restart happens again, Reo sending it to Chigiri, instead of a trap to run, which was one of the weaknesses of the red hair, he kicks it forward without stopping, bouncing it in the same direction he was heading. He is able to pass Barou just in the nick of time, but the ball goes slightly higher than he planned, hitting the upper pole of the goal. In that rebound the ball goes higher, close to where you are, but also close to Isagi and with Nagi coming your way too. Suddenly a replay of one of your plays appeared, and since Ego wanted a goal that could be replicated, you were going to give him that.

Time slowed as the ball hung in the air, so you launch yourself into a scissor kick, your body twisting and contorting mid-air as your foot met the ball with an astounding force. The ball exploded off your foot, a blur of white passing the arms of the hologram.

Both Nagi and Isagi were talking before restarting the game, probably thinking of a strategy since they'd lose if you make another point, when Barou intercepts them, taking the ball and immediately shooting it towards the goal. The goalie luckily saves it, so you go to the ball and take it to do a counter attack; you try to pass it to Reo, but almost immediately you feel Nagi's body in your back, blocking your way.

"Try it, chibi-Yn-kun" he says, you can almost feel a smirk in his voice

"Don't call me chibi"

You see Reo getting closer, so you pass it towards him when Isagi tries to intercept it, Reo sliding just in time to kick the ball away. You aren't able to go for it since Nagi was still in your back, leaving Barou almost able to shoot alone if it wasn't because of Chigiri following him.

In that moment something changed in Isagi's aura, and apparently Barou could sense it too considering that it was the first time ever you've seen him pass the ball, letting Isagi shoot instead and making it a draw again.

You feel a hand on your hand lazily touching your head, Nagi looking at you with a tiny enthusiasm in his eyes

"You're really good for being so small" he says, leaving to go and give a high-five to Isagi. You didn't know if you started to feel hot because of anger or because of his actions

"One more goal, whoever makes the next one wins" you say reuniting with Chigiri and Reo

"We can't let Isagi have the ball" says Reo

"I don’t feel like i can stop him" adds Chigiri "But the last play is starting with our ball"

"That’s exactly why we need to score while absolutely not letting them steal the ball!! Think of losing the ball as losing the match!" Reo says

"They're probably expecting for me to go again, should we use Chigiri this time?" I ask

"That would be the best, yeah" answers Reo

"Let's win this!"

After a few seconds of Reo analyzing the play, he's able to send it to Chigiri, however Nagi instead of following the red head, he goes straight to the ball and intercepts it, knowing fully well that he couldn't win a speed battle against Chigiri. The ball falls directly into Barou's feet.

You can see that he was about to pass it to either Isagi or Nagi, but something in you couldn't let him do that. Maybe it was because you still see this as part of your job somewhere inside you, maybe it was because you didn't want to see the King just fall behind

"Don't win like this!" You are still trying to stop him from keeping going "aren't you the king?!"

Something in his eyes changed, he suddenly started doing chop faints with an incredible angle. An awakening that left everyone behind in mere seconds, shooting a curved ball and making the last goal.

You see the other three celebrate their win as you fall into the ground, breathing hard as you process what had happened. Why did you encourage him? Maybe you could have won if you hadn't, but it would have been wrong…

"Well done guys, we couldn't have predicted Barou's move" you say to the other two, trying to make the feel better after seeing their faces

You could hear them talking, but you weren't making up the words from so far away, you were only able to hear the last part of the sentence

"The only one who could mix into this chemical reaction without disappearing could only be you…Yn" you lay there, a few seconds pass before you could process what he said exactly

"Eh?!" You sit up immediately once you realize "me?"

"Come with us" Isagi simply says. Your eyes widen, but you stand up anyways, feeling a deep guilt inside you…you thought Chigiri would be chosen, what if now they lose again and one of them has to leave?

"Chigiri, I'll be waiting for you, don't you dare to leave me alone" you extend your arm

"I'll make sure to catch up" he says, a sad smile on as he extends his arm too; he then ruffles your hair playfully "well played today, you killed it"

"You too"

You notice that Reo was sitting down now, his head looking down after Nagi had come to say something to him

"Oi" you kick his back lightly with your knee as you pass him, a low grunt coming out of him when he raises his head "prove me wrong Elite, prove me that you don't depend on anyone. After all, sheltered kids like you always get what they want, don't they?" You say with a smirk, trying to rizz him up so he doesn't fall down

"You bet i will"

You start walking towards the winner gate, towards the next stage.

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py-dreamer · 3 months ago

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...soo...

ok um technically this doesn't count at least in my timezone cause over here its already past midnight... um...

regardless...

weee!!!

I figured I'd make each of these mofos like individual post rather than make one really long reblog making it kinda hard to sort through and just list them using one tag instead.

So I suppose technically y'all get a double whammy today! Just gotta wait quite a while for it, heh...

So with this one I definitely did focus more on cake than the outfit. But hopefully you guys can still see the skrimblo

Anyways those are kiwi fruits, if you couldn't tell, don't @ me pls this is like one of the few times I've drawn fruits. Oh, and that black thingy? It's a tapioca pearl from bubble tea!! I think it's possible...

At first I wanted a more vibrant teal/green for the frosting and a lighter cake color similar to Mk's slice but that bright teal clashed hard with the kiwi fruit so I switched it out for the light light teal instead. Idk what flavor it'd be maybe like a more minty whipped cream.

Cakewise, it is darker than Mk's so I imagine it to be less airy, possibly more dense. Maybe like a ginger? Give any suggestions, but probably something funky for our funky girl!

Those 3 blobs with the weird cookie face on it is meant to be grape tanghulu with a dragon cookie on it! The rest of the cookies are as expected, good ole sugar cookies, though with the gold dragon I was having some trouble since Idk where to put the balloon since it left an empty space so I had to fill it with another cookie that would barely show, so yeah. That was fun

As for the dollops of frosting, I thought Mei is spunky fulunky, and a rich girl to boot! So let her have some pizzazz! I thought it appropriate

I think the balloon and dragon came out nicely, had to look for a reference for the dragon though. They're meant to be a paper decoration on a toothpick originally like Mk's cloud but at this point I leave it up for interpretation

Not much to say about the outfit, pretty similar to Mk's.

I know the KNY girls in their arts had skirts but my friend and I both thought Mei would look better in pants. (Not that she can't wear dresses, she slays in anything just that we thought she'd wear pants in this situation)

And I did try adding a little green skirt but it looked wonky and I didn't want that, bleugh

So I settled for compromise, making her like overcoat/vest thingy longer/ wider and gave her leggings so she also doesn't blend into the cake lol

And um life updates! I had like 4 tests today, I'm not kidding.

Good news is, tests for now are over!

Bad news is, still have an assignment to do...

Again, I'll do my best to keep this up. They are very fun and get my creative juices flowing I feel but no promises!

#lmk #lego monkie kid #my beloved #py's_art #art #pog champ #lmk mei #lmk dragon clan #long xiaojiao #lmk long xiaojiao #lmk fanart #kny birthday art #birthday cake #Py's_birthday_art2024 #monkie kid #lego monkie kid mei #mei lego monkie kid #lmk red son #kny fanart

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daydreamingmia · 9 months ago

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Walker Scobell X Reader | Series | You Belong With Me🔱 Part 15

Thor Premiere

A/n: I know that movies aren't made this fast but they are here😁

You were looking in your closet deciding what to wear. Yes it was just to the hair and makeup trailer...but still! Today was the Premire for Thor: Ragnarock!

You hear the front door of the house open and footsteps.

"Hey!!" You hear two people say in unison

You turn and see Chris (Hemsworth) and Tom (Hiddleston) smiling

"Omg!! Hi guys!!" You rush to hug them

"What are you doing here?" You ask smiling

"Oh uhhh...just wanted to see how you're doing. Is a...is Walker here?" Chris asks

"Uhhh...no. why?" You say suspicious of them

Just them Walker comes in the room

"What are you doing guys?" Walker says to Chris and Tom

"What's going on?" You ask

"Ummmm...welll..." Chris and Tom stutter

"See! I told you! She doesn't even know what she's gonna wear!" Walker points to your closet that was torn apart

"Uhhh...what are you guys talking about?" You ask

"You're coming with us" Walker states as he grabs you from behind

"Grab her legs!" He yells

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" You scream

"You're going in your pajamas! You will never get to the premiere on time if you don't!" Walker says as they carry you down the stairs

"YOU GUYS ARE IN ON THIS?!!!!!" You yell at Chris and Tom

"Ummm...well...Walker kinda called us and asked for us to come because he said you would fight and he needed backup" Tom explained as you were punching Walker

"See" Walker says looking down at you

Chris opens the door and you almost get out of Walker grip

"Would you stop fighting me!! I'm gonna drop you and accidentally ruin your pretty face" Walker says and you can help but blush

"Awww! She blushed! She must really love you" Tom taunts

"Shut up!" You yell at him and blush even more

They put you in the car and Walker sat next to you in the backseat

You punch him in the stomach and he flinched

"Why aren't you hitting them?" Walker asks holding his stomach

"Because this was your idiotic idea!" You smack the back of his head

You get there and Chris and Tom leave to their trailers.

When you enter the trailer and there was food already sitting there.

"Oooo!!! Who loves me enough to get me this" you ask excitedly and take a sip from the milkshake

"Well I am pretty amazing" Walker jokes

"You did this?" You ask with a huge smile on your face

"Yep" He says

You just leap foward and kiss him

"I love you so much!" You smile at him and look into his eyes

"I love you too my precious" Walker replies sweetly

It was several hours later and you were ready for the premire.

"You look so handsome" you smile to Walker as you hug his back while he ties the tie

"I know" He jokes

He turns and looks at you

"WOW" He says looking at you still fiddling with his tie

"What? Do I have food in my teeth?" You ask worried

"No! You look...you look...wow! YOU. ARE. STUNNING." He says

"Awww!! Thank you!" You blush as he kisses you

"Now I belive we have a premiere to go to" He says holding your hand

You get to the red carpet and the cameras start flashing faster. People screaming your name at the top of their lungs. You go up to a reporter.

"Hi y/n! Let me just say you look gorgeous tonight." She says

"Aww thank you!" You reply

"SHE LOOKS HOT!" One of the paparazzi guys yells disgustingly

You just ignore him but when you look at Walker but he's not. He's giving him a "if you say that one more time I'll come over there are make you sorry you were born!" glare

You continued down the red carpet cameras flashing. Walker holding your waist. Smiling for the pictures when you heard someone scream something

"DAMN HER ASS LOOKS SOO HOT IN THAT DRESS!" the same guy screams

Walker takes a step foward but you stop him

"Walker it's okay. Just ignore him" You say rubbing his back soothingly

"He has no right to talk to you like that!" Walker says seething with anger

"It's okay. Just ignore him. He's drunk and an idiot." You say softly and kiss him

And he smiles

You were taking pictures with fans now. Walker was talking to a reporter somewhere. The drunk guy walks up to you.

"Hey baby can I get a picture?" He says looking at you up and down

"Uhhh...sure...I guess" you say caught off guard

You look around for Walker but see no trace of him

The guy gives you the phone and you hold it up to take the picture. But then you feel the guys hand around your waist. Very low. He pulls you closer to him and you wince. Then out of nowhere Walker jumps in and pushes the guy away.

"Hey man whats your problem?!" The guy yells

"If you so much as look at her again I will kill you and bury your body in my backyard." Walker threatens

"Do you understand me?" Walker says through his teeth

"Oh no. Percy Jackson is trying to threaten me. That's not very hero like now is it?" The guy mocks

Walker gets in his face

"I warned you" Walke rsays one last time

Walker turns and puts his arm around your waist and leads you away

You burry your face in his neck and he kisses the top of your head

"You okay?" He asks softly

"Yeah. Now that you're here" You reply

It was about 20 minutes later and so far you haven't seen the guy again. Walker must've scared him off. You were walking though a big crowd. There was 5 security guards around you (including Walker 🤭)

All of a sudden the guy jumped from the crowd and spanked you

Walker turned around as fast as lightning and punched the guy in the face and the guy went flying backwards

"Get him out of here! I don't wanna see his face ever again." Walker says obviously furious

The security guards grabbed the guy by the arms and dragged him away. The guy was screaming something to you but you couldn't hear it.

"I love you so much" You say appreciative

"I love you more" He replies and kisses you and hugs you

It was now time to take pictures with the rest of the cast. You stand between Chris and Tom and look over to see Walker standing on the side waiting for you. On high alert looking for the guy or anybody else who would mess with you.

"Is everything okay? Walker looks mad?" Tom asks (none of the cast knew what happened)

"Ummm...yeah...there was just this annoying guy earlier...but Walker scared him away" You stuttered

"Wait. What happened?" Chris asks

"This guy touched me and was saying gross things about me so Walker punched the guy and he was kicked out." You explain like it was nothing

"WHERE IS THIS GUY?!?!" Chris and Tom say in unison furiously

"I don't know he was kicked out." You shrug

They look at eachother and nod

"Well...we'll be right back" Chris says and they both walk away

Walker then comes over to you

"Where are they going?" He asks

"They are going to find that guy...btw we might need to testify for them in the murder trial" You joke

"Good! That guy deserves whatever comes to him" Walker sys still mad

"He's gonna get beaten up by Thor and Loki. I feel sorry for the guy" You joke again

After the premire you got in the limo with Walker

"Hey you want ice cream?" He asks smiling

"Uhhh...duh!" You reply

You got to the ice cream shop and everyone was looking at the two of you...duh

"You're...you're...omg...what can I get you?" The girl says really excited and soo stunned

"I'll have the chocolate and she'll have...what do you want?" He asks

"I'll have the cookies and cream" You reply

"Okay!!" The girl replies

You feel so many eyes on you so you turn a little and peek to see everyone's phones pointed at you

Some trying to be sneaky like they're calling someone (but their flash was on) and other were on live stream you assume because they were whispering (VERY loudly)

"Guys! Y/n and Walker Scobell are getting ice cream!!"

Walker looks down at you and sees you shiver

"Here my princess" He says as he takes off his suit coat and puts it around your shoulders

He wraps you in a bear hug and kisses you

"I love you sooo much! You are the girl I've dreamed of" He whispers in your ear and you blush

"You're the guy I dreamed of my whole life. Everything about you is exactly what I wanted." You smile and kiss him

"...well...you are really annoying and that wasn't in my dreams but whatever" you joke

"Yeah yeah" He kisses the top of your head

"H-here" the girl stutters as the hands you the ice cream

"Thank you" You and Walker say in unison

When you turn around you see at least 29 paparazzi people outside

"Noooo" You whine

Walker puts his hand on your waist and brings you toward him

You start to walk outside and the lights were soo bright

Walker covers your face with his hand and you bury your face in his neck

He opens the car door for you and you step inside

Once you started driving the paparazzi tried to follow you but your driver was really good at hiding from the aparazzi

After about 10 minutes you finished your I've cream

"That was soooo good!: you say and look at Walker as he quickly shovels the I've cream in his mouth

"What are you doing?!" You ask with a little giggle

"Nothing" Walker replies bit you can barely understand him because his mouth is full

"Why are you eating so fast?" You ask confused

"Ummm...ao you won't take it" He admits

"Are you serious?!" You say and he nods

"I'm not gonna take your ice cream you idiot" You say and smack the back of his head

"Thank you" He smiles still not trusting you

He turns to you and his face was covered with ice cream

"Haha do you know what you look like?" You laugh

"Am I covered in ice cream?" He giggles

"Yeah. But you still look handsome" you reply

"Well thank you. You do too." He smiles

"Oh no! Am I covered in ice cream too? You ask worried

"No but you will be in two minutes" he replies

"What's happening I'm two minutes?" You ask confused

In two minutes you will finally say that looks soo good! And then I'll say do you want some. Then you'll say yes but only one bite and then you'll leave me nothing."

You just watch him eat his ice cream

"That looks so good!" You say with basically heart emoji eyes

"Do you want some?" He sighs

"Only a bite" You smile

And bout 5 minutes later you handed him the empty bowl

"Hm...I guess you were right" He say smugly

"Well I am always right soo..." He jokes

"Yeah sure" You roll your eyes

"I was right when I picked you to be my girlfriend" He smiles at you

"Awww!" You blush

You didn't know when but you fell asleep in Walker's lap. He laid his coat over you and was stroking your hair with his hand.

"Y/n we are here" He whispers in your ear

"What?" You mumble

"We are at your house" He replies

"Oh okay" You mumble as he helps you sit up

You step out of the car and he walks you to the door

"Hey thank you for protecting me tonight" You say

"Of course!!!! If that creep ever gets near you again you call me and I'll be there before you hand up the phone." He smiles down at you

"Aww! Thank you!! I will. But I think you freaked him out too much for him to come back" You giggle

"Well I am pretty threatening" He says in a funny voice as you giggle

He kisses you

"Goodnight my princess" you looks in your eyes

"Goodnight my prince" you look in his

----

Walker's POV

"I'm furious that idiot was disgusting to y/n! What can I do? I know!

I scroll through my phone and find Taylor's phone number and call

Mother

Hey Walker! (She sounded like she just woke up)

Is everything okay?

umm...yeah kind of...

Oh no!! Is it y/n? Is she okay?! Did something happen????

No no she's not hurt

Sooo...what happened?

Well there was this paparazzi guy who was hitting on y/n. He kept cat calling <INSERT> hey and saying really gross thing. But he spanked her...

WHAT?!

Yeah. I punched the guy but I never wanna see his face again sooo...

Awww!! I love that you defend her!!

I will defend her until the day i die. Anyway soo...could you get that guy like banned from seeing y/n or something?

As her guardian too ill get a restraining order...

Yes!! Of course!! Im doing it right now!! I'll also talk to y/n tomorrow about pressing charges

Thank you I was so worried that he would do something to her when I want around to help her

The call ended and I decided to scroll through instagram...bad move...there were pictures everywhere of what happened

"Ugh" I thought to myself

I put my phone down and tried to go to sleep

-----

A/n: Hiii everyone!! Sorry this took so long!! I wrote a different chapter to post but I decided not to. Please forgive me for being slow!! I'm so sorry!!

If you like this story please like, comment, share!! AND THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR READING!! I really appreciate all the love and support!! I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH!!

Love you all soo much!!!

P.S. thought you guys might like it to be posted on Tuesday this time bc PJO isn't airing new episode anymore💖

Xoxo

Tags: @noajakah236482 @the-tortured-poets-depxrtment @walker-scobell-obsessed @yeeteddemigod

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carpememes · 8 months ago

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Bluey Sentence Starters pt 1/?

“I slipped on ma' beans!”

“If your friend wants chippies, she's gotta pay for chippies."

“Dear child, embrace your father!”

"It's DAD!"

"That's not how grown ups work, kid." "But that's how kids work!"

"Ow! My back! My neck! My back and my neck!"

"Awh! After all I've done for this family."

"Probably get about five bucks for the pair of you."

"Don't worry about the sun! It's meant to be there."

"Can I help you?" "Wish you could, mate."

"What? How very dare you!"

"Ding ding ding! You lose!

"I am not dad. I am Magic Claw. Magic Claw has no children. His days are free and easy."

“Biscuits!”

"Obstacles do not block the path. They ARE the path."

“It’s less than ideal, but it’s still a win!”

“See, I know some stuff!”

“Hey, you always make me laugh.”

"I'm not taking advice from a cartoon dog."

"It's just monkey's singing songs, mate. Don't think too hard about it."

"Interesting plan. I know, how about this plan? I'll do what I want, and you don't tell me what to do."

“Ride Flamingo, RIIIIIDE!”

“I was saving that chippy...”

“Check out my big bum!”

“Who said you can have all that green stuff?”

“Hey Twinkle Toes, hurry up!”

“Would you mind keeping it down?”

“Is that an okay thing to want?”

“I can’t be happy with what I got when she has it better!”

“You can’t just get out of a helicopter in the middle of the sky!”

“...and the fridge doesn’t like me.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m doing this for my kid.”

“I LIKE STINKY!”

“Look, I just want us to use nice words so everyone thinks we’re a nice family.”

“But I’m much too scared to travel in the outside world!”

“Nooo! I wanna stay in my bad mood!”

“Who ate the mini cereal?”

“Hey no fair, I want a husband too!”

"If you want me to stay your wife, you'll learn about dishwashers."

“I'm veeeeeeeery busy.”

“If you keep being mean and greedy, then no one will want to be your friend!”

“Why would you want to watch some stinky baby have a shower?”

“There must be a reason why you’re being such a pickle tonight.”

“ YOU'RE MAKING ME LATE FOR WORK!”

“Why can’t you do what you’re told?”

"Whoa. I didn't think this through."

"It was the fairies!"

"Bed. Sleep. Now."

“You've still got it, babe.”

“I’m fine, just ignore this.”

“Ah, this is Heaven!”

“This changes everything.”

“Who wrote this?”

“I’m always here if you need me.”

“It’s everything we want.”

“Boring things are still important.”

“COCONUTS HAVE WATER IN THEM!!”

“Me want books for big boys.“

“Are you not entertained??”

“You’re doing great.”

“Is true love not forever?”

“IT’S DAD!”

"Ohhh, what's this? Some romance music?"

“Well, just make me more handsome - if that’s even possible.”

“Oh, tough crowd.”

"I demand you let me down this instant!"

"This is outrageous!"

"THERE'S LEAVES EVERYWHERE."

"Here come the grannies!"

"Boring things are still important."

"You sound like your dad."

"I don't have to. I'm special.

“Did you just eat a tick from your own hair?”

“You’re a grub! You don’t brush your teeth, you don’t eat vegetables, and you don’t take showers. Grub.”

“Hey toots! When are we gettin’ married?”

“You look like you’ve never cleaned your teeth, brushed your hair, or had a shower in your life.”

“Maybe self-improvement just isn’t for you.”

“Well, I must say, you really have cleaned yourself up. And I love your little bow tie.”

“My life is a lie.”

“’Someone’?! You’re a someone! I’m a... no one.”

“You know what’s great about being no one? You’re everyone.”

“I’ve been thinking. How can you be sure you’re not a puppet?”

"I'M MAKING A SALAD!"

"You're both crazy."

"OOOH. Alright. That's it! We're not going to the park. We're just staying here then!"

"This is great. They're learning a lesson and we get the house cleaned."

"Don't just get the fun stuff. I mean the bag of stuff."

"You're really doing this?" "I think I have to."

"Feet ok. Arms ok. I think we're good!"

"Soo... Has the romance started yet?"

“I don’t feel like playing!”

“Hello, new husband!”

“Wow! Are you serious?”

"I do not have the energy for games today."

"She saw you dancing on her barbeque table."

“Is the whole world made of atoms?”

“How do you remove makeup?”

“Why would anyone like being in a bad mood?”

“DANCE MODE!”

"I peed on my foot."

"Welcome to middle age, kid."

“Don’t tell your mum.”

"This isn't legal anymore!"

"What. Was. That?"

“This is all my stuff from when I used to be cool!”

“Hello doctor lady, do you sell crutches?”

“If grownups grow from babies, and only grownups have babies, who had the first baby?”

"The thing is, I do this to myself."

"I have a wife!"

"Big brothers always beat little brothers."

"He stole our money!" "Well that's putting kind of a slant on it.."

"Didn't you fall in the pool at the wedding?"

“Me? I’m not brave enough.”

“I’m not special anymore!”

"You figured out how to avoid capture by the police."

“If you hit a flamingo, you’ve gone too far.”

“ Remember I'll always be here for you, even if you can't see me... because I love you.”

“I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!”

"Ladies, ladies. There's plenty to go around."

“Oh leave them alone! They’re just trying to run a small business!”

“How does the baby get in the lady’s belly?”

“You’ve still got it, babe.”

“That’s enough sinister plotting!”

"Me want books for big boys."

“We can edit that bit out right?”

“Oh, a massage! Why, thank you. A little lower. That’s the spot.”

“Is your frizzy hair very heavy?”

“I demand you let me down this instant!”

#bluey #sentence starters

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silly-strawberries · 1 month ago

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Hiii c:

Soo, today i wanted to see a little the Redfield siblings dynamic (also a bit of Jill time because she's also pretty important) and the Leon-Luis Relationship <:

(((ALSO I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG)))

(((i didn't put a warning the other times but : the seguent content includes mentions of suicide)))

—The Redfield siblings + Jill Valentine

In The Mandela catalogue, the character i chose for Chris is Mark. He's a very closed off 18y.o., very religious and is the best friend of Cesar Torres, which I'll interpret as Jill.

In the vol.1 (where these two are explore more), Cesar calls Mark, telling him that he needs to come to his house because his mother fainted and needed to go to the hospital. Cesar needs Mark to turn on the security cameras since his mother told him she saw someone.

So that's exactly what will happen with Jill and Chris, Jill will call Chris to tell him that her mother saw someone and needed him to turn on the security cameras while she brings her mother to the hospital.

Now, what's the problem with this? Jill had been attacked by an alternate, causing that alternate to copies Jill's form.

((this explains the drawing and also i chose her cus she was brainwashed by Wesker in re5))

Chris went into Jill's house to turn on the cameras, even tho he always said her house was very shady and he didn't like it. This causes the altenate to follow him home.

★How is Chris' character like?

Just like Mark, very closed off and turns to religion to cope with his problems and is very scared of alternates. Especially because Chris already had an encouter with an alternate when he was around 4y.o. In the series, there's in a video Mark's story about the way he met an intruder in his house.

Chris will also meet an intruder, which will be Ada. This makes him much more scared and cautious about alternates.

Chris' flaw is that he's christian, and turning out to such big religion, it's one of the worst thing you can do in 'The Mandela Catalogue' universe. As I've already mentioned, The Archangel Gabriel (main antagonist) is rapresented by Albert Wesker, who is an alternate. Causing Chris to have no way out either thing he does (if he prays, he'll pray for Wesker, an alternate) since now the alternate arrived in his house, and its waiting for him outside of his room.

Chris will end up shooting himself in the end, writing prayers in his diary and leaving that evidence to the cops.

★What's Claire's character like? + Leon and Luis

Claire is the little sister of Chris, and she's rapresented by Sarah, which is also the lil sister of Mark. Sarah is around 4-5-6 y.o. when Mark commits suicide, and same thing will be with Chris and Claire.

Claire, with this accident, wants to know more about paranormal entities since the cops easily dismissed suicide of her brother, since they didn't know what to do. That's why Claire doesn't like cops, and she wants to do everything by her own.

Claire is funder of the Racoon Paranormal Society, the same society Leon and Luis became part of. She'll later on become more and more distant sinceLeon will push her to do more and more about the altenates.

Their relationship will become more rocky when Luis, during the 'mission' him and Leon have, (in the series it's in Vol.2) Luis dies (I'm sorry everyone) by crashing his car while leaving Leon to the 'mission' alone.

★How will he crash? What's this 'mission'?

This 'mission' is basically Leon and Luis' job.

'You see, we act.' is the slogan in the R.P.S., you can call them and explain the situation you have with a possible alternate. With a payment, Leon and Luis will help you up with your problem.

This one mission, unfortunately, is letal for Luis.

During one of their usual 'shifts' (in vol.2 of the series, winter of 2009) Leon and Luis receive a call from a woman who says she needs help with her cat. Even tho it is dead, she can still hear its meows. Leon and Luis, after being offered a huge amount of money for three nights (300$/night), they eagerly accept and go right into the house, after stealing a car since their broke down.

Leon goes into the house, searching for strange things, but Luis stays inside the car since he's still very skeptical about alternates and just sillies around.

During the second night, things start to get real.

Their equipments start to act weird, repeating weird pharses or glitching. The meows appear more and more clear, and they come from a long stair case that was before locked the night before.

This is when the heated and dreaded argument happends.

Luis finally gets serious, and scared, looking at the footage Leon is sending, he just gets more and more 'weird vibes' and, not wanting to lose his 'best friend' (interpret as you please c:), he starts telling him to come back and just let this alternate thing in the past.

Leon disagrees, telling him that this is the perfect occasion, and is quite pleased with the way Luis is starting to get real. And now Luis is even more worried, finally letting out what he was thinking about the whole 'R.P.S.' situation.

Luis says he can't take it anymore, barely even keeping in his worry and anger at Leon for taking this as a joke, for thinking this is just something he can deal with alone. Saying that their lifes where taked away by these things, that Leon should know this more than anyone since a certain figure in his life died for this .

((the og series don't say anything, but it's very speculated taht it was talking about the mother of this character))

Leon obviously lashed out, telling Luis to just 'leave him then' and even tho Luis tried to tell him to not walk down those stairs ( og dialogue: 'if you walk down those stairs, you'll be joining her' ), Leon walks in anyway, while Luis drives away.

((i will make a more detailed version of the dialogue later on))

Leaving Leon alone in the house, Luis ends up panicking about what will happen to his friend. This is were the GPS of the stolen car starts to act weird with him. Starting to play over and over the voice of The Archangel Albert, repeating over and over 'you left him behind'.

Overwhelmed, with tears in his eyes, Luis yells to shup up and while trying to turn off the GPS, he will end up crashing at the side of the road.

((I tried to make it interesting but this is hard considering i don't write as much as i used too </3 ))

I promise I'll do things much more detailed later on, i don't know if i could write some sort of fanfiction but I'll see in the future since lately I've also started going to a theatre lab at my school and I've been busy </3

((lil drawing i made on my school desk of Kid Leon seeing his first alternate)) ((i made some more explaination on that over one of my lasts post about Ada))

Thank you SO SO much for the attention if you read all of this cus honestly this is crazy for me & remember that you are worthy of being someone and being yourself, even if you don't know who you are yet <33

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neutron-stars-collision · 6 months ago

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Deadlines & Commitments

Neil x F!Reader

Chapter 7 - Bermondsey Underground Station

Masterlist; Chapter 6 Summary: You reconnect with Neil a couple of days after the night you spent together. The meeting sparks many questions and revelations. In other news: Tenet agents are a nuisance. Neil knows that best. Warnings: Swearing, explicit language, tiny bits of angst because who would I be without it. Author's Notes: It's been 84 years... but it's here! 🎉 And it's 16k apparently. Sorry about that. As you've noticed my brain (and heart) are all over the place but this story is still very much alive. These two are not letting me go, soo... Let's keep going. Thank you to anyone who's waited this long 💕 I really appreciate you. I've got so much planned for them and very excited to share it with you. And, seeing as from next Saturday I'll be in London for a week, there might be even more inspiration ✨ (I'm definitely taking Jubilee Line from St. John's Wood to Canary Wharf. It's all I'm saying) For now - enjoy two idiots being idiots. And a cameo appearances from the Tenet crew because it's high time Cupid met them ;))) Taglist: @hollandorks, @kristevstewart, @stargirl25 (let me know if you want to be added)

Checking the contents of your bag one last time before leaving the flat, you sighed from the oncoming headache already building behind your temple. What a stupid idea it was to hit the snooze button five times instead of being a big girl and getting up at the first sound of your alarm. Now, thanks to your idiocy, you had no time to get that much-needed hit of caffeine if you were to make it for the usual 7:21 train from St. John’s Wood. And you were keen to make it. If only because you promised him.

You were less eager to admit other reasons motivated the rush, going far beyond an agreement that Neil would not hold it against you if you were to break the promise. Reasons such as the inexplicable itch underneath your skin that started sometime last night upon a reminder that you were going to see him today. For the first time since that night. The nightÔ - now officially trademarked, thanks to your idiotic brain. The feeling did not cease even when you tried to remind yourself that there was nothing extraordinary about what transpired then. No actual reason to behave in this irrational way.

Nothing of importance happened. Nothing ground-breaking or life-changing. Just an expected result of weeks of flirting and tension triggered by a bottle of red wine and a natural connection. Just spectacular sex.

If you dared add. A self-satisfied smile stretched over your face at a mere memory, powering you through those final steps before you could leave the apartment and lock the doors, bounding down the steps with no concern over the noise. Fuck the neighbours. Or something like that.

By now, four days later, you were quite good at getting rid of the confusing thoughts the moment they bloomed. Not seeing Neil certainly helped, as did the harrowing afternoons and evenings devoted to the performances. On the stage, you never had the time to think about nonsense such as this, focused on executing the choreography and maintaining that signature, flirtatious Cupid smile that was even rewarded a mention in one of the first ballet reviews. (Truly, a highlight of your unmemorable life if you were to be honest).

The other thing that helped make sense of the mess in your head was Neil’s phone call. It acted as a push in the right direction, a reminder that you had to be the reasonable one. The one to guide him along, highlighting the facts as there were. That the night mattered, in the meaning that it was hardly forgettable. Nothing had to change between you. And most importantly, Neil was the one calling the shots because you were more than happy to continue.

You repeated those truths in the quiet of your head until they felt like certainties. And now, finally, they did. On a cloudy Wednesday morning, you could freely admit you knew what you were doing. The Friday night confusion was just a glitch, an inconsequential event in the grand scheme of things that would bear no impact. Now or ever.

Smiling as you shouldered past the loitering tourists at the entrance to the station, you allowed yourself a nod. Everything was in order. The last piece of the puzzle – Neil’s say in the matter – was the only thing missing.

Despite the wish to remain as detached as possible, you hoped it would be a ‘yes’ rather than the opposite. Even if only because your selfish soul did not want to let him go. Just yet.

The 7:21 train arrived at the platform as you stepped off the escalator and rushed into the middle carriage. By now, your gaze was trained on finding Neil with embarrassing speed, eyes darting over the faces of commuters until they would find what they sought. Today, it took less than ten seconds to locate him, sat in one of the double-seat rows. Neil must have been on the lookout as well, for as soon as your eyes fell on him, you found him staring back. An unshakeable shiver travelled down your spine as Neil’s mouth quirked into a smile. Friendly, yet uncertain. As if he was debating the possibility that you could turn on your heel and leave instead of crossing the space to join him. The idea seemed ridiculous enough that you had to smother a laugh as you fell into the plastic seat with a bright grin ready on your face.

There was no other place you would rather be. Truly.

“Hi,” raising your hand in a pointless wave, you widened the obnoxious grin and allowed yourself another scanning look over his face.

Nothing seemed to be amiss except for the slight weariness in his gaze, as if, for Neil, the few days apart did not eradicate the doubts and worries. As if he was still not sure where you would go from here. Or how he should act around you now. After everything.

You vowed to erase his concerns before you were to part at Southwark. That simply would not do.

“Hey…” Neil murmured the complimentary greeting, his hands flexing in his lap. Before you could decide to reach over and still their nervous twitching, a flash of pain passed through your skull, making you wince. That did not go unnoticed “Are you okay?” the softness of his tone made your heart give out a warning summersault.

With anyone else, you would heed the warning and do everything to get rid of the strange sensation filling your chest. With Neil, you could only swallow past the feeling and offer him a dimmed smile and an honest reply:

“Yeah, it’s just a headache. I didn’t have the time for coffee if I wanted to make it” the grumpiness shone through your voice as you pressed your fingers against the throbbing spot on your temple and sent an inward curse to the gods responsible for the passage of time.

With half the mind to start digging in your bag for the painkiller that was definitely (hopefully) somewhere inside, you did not clock Neil’s movements until he tapped your knee and placed a takeaway coffee cup in your line of vision. Startled, you turned your head to look at him, an unasked question already on your tongue.

“Here, you can finish this” flashing you an easy smile, Neil all but shoved the lukewarm cup into your hand.

Your brain needed additional minutes to process the unforeseen developments as you tightened the hold over the cup and regarded him silently. Only then the shocked, delighted smile made an appearance on your face:

“Good god, I didn’t know we’re at the stage where we’re sharing caffeine sources” the faux gasp was a worthwhile addition, triggering Neil’s laughter.

For a split second, you were content to bask in the glory of it and the knowledge that you were the sole cause. You did this to him.

Still, the sentiment was true. You could barely recall the last time someone was kind enough to buy coffee for you, let alone share theirs. And never on their own accord, leaving you almost lightheaded from the tenderness of the gesture. You stifled the feeling with another exaggerated smile.

“Do you want it or not?” Neil arched his eyebrow, aiming for sternness but failing.

You could see the joy in his eyes, lighting them from within.

“Oh, I do, I do” sending him one last grin, you raised the cup to your mouth and took a long sip. As that first taste of the cappuccino hit your tastebuds, you stifled a pleased groan and relaxed into the seat, “Thank you, kind Sir” tipping an invisible top hat at Neil, you cherished another chuckle dragged out of him and added, “You’ve saved my life” taking another sip, you met Neil’s gaze, seemingly unwavering in its focus on your face.

You watched as his eyes roamed over your features to glance at your mouth and stay there. Stuck perhaps. Without daring to give it second thoughts, you allowed your tongue to dart out and swipe over your lips. Even then, you did not look away from Neil, feeling the electricity crackle and snap between you. Another beat passed before he looked up, startled and caught with the blush dusting his cheeks. It was impossible not to chuckle, breaking the tension by looking away.

Not without effort. And not for long.

“Eternally at your service” you got as far as downing the coffee before Neil spoke again, his quip making you inhale sharply.

Being caught unaware by blatant flirting was new. Unprecedented, yet not unwelcome. And easily redeemed. You turned your head to meet Neil’s unwavering gaze and offered a knowing smirk, matching his expression. Without wasting another second, you leaned in closer, eradicating the gap between you and pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek.

“You are, aren’t you?” the question did what you needed it to as Neil leaned back enough to meet your gaze again and quirked the corner of his mouth into a pleased smile.

The awkwardness of those first few minutes seemed to be past you now, overtaken by the easy banter. You settled into the feeling and the comfort it brought without trying to understand why that was the case. It was better that way.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, you felt Neil’s gaze back on you. Its weight was not a burden, leisurely caressing the outlines of your body before opening the page for a new question:

“So… How’s work?” you glanced at Neil just in time to see his easy smile, the interest clear in his eyes.

That part of your friendship was something you valued highly because you could not find it anywhere else. With anyone else. Only Neil seemed to care about the mechanics of professional ballet and the trials and tribulations it entailed. Only he seemed curious about your goals and aspirations, always so eager to hype you up despite you never asking for it.

You were sure the soft smile was already present on your face as you offered him a reply:

“It’s good. Got stellar reviews, as I’ve told you, and now the other Cupid is taking over for a couple of days so I can prepare for the auditions for the next one” the mention of what awaited spiked your anxiety, even if only by a fraction.

Because the prospect was terrifying. Even with the hours of prep and previous season’s experience, you could not ignore the fears. There was no certainty you were good enough to get another breaking role. There was no confidence in that matter either if you had to search your heart and soul. There was only fear nagging at the edges of your conscience with increasing urgency.

You knew it would only get worse in the span of half a week that was left.

“The Nutcracker?” Neil’s complimentary question kept you anchored in the present.

It also proved that he listened to all the bullshit you spewed every time you met. And that, much like shared coffee and the desire to get to know you, was worth more than you could express. More than you dared contemplate if you wanted to maintain the relatively unbothered mood and the illusion of nonchalance.

“Yeah. I’ll prepare a couple of variations and hope for the best” only when you felt Neil’s hand cover yours did you become aware of your fidgeting, of the restless fingers picking at the hangnails. The comforting weight of his palm stilted the movement and offered bravery you did not realise you needed to speak the thoughts into existence, “I could show you what I’ve got in a couple of days,” the wavering notes of your voice made you cringe, instantly removing any pretence of cool you wished you could maintain. If only because you cared. Too much “If you-” the end of that rambled disclaimer was cut short.

Thank god.

“I’d like that” Neil squeezed your hands and sent you a reassuring smile, somehow already knowing what it was that you needed, “Seems like I’m already experiencing the withdrawal symptoms” the candid tone did nothing to help you ignore his wink or minimise the impact of the statement.

You blinked twice as your brain absorbed and processed the words. Only then you turned towards Neil with a deadpan expression and asked:

“… from my unremarkable dancing?” measuring him up silently, you took passive note of the station you had just arrived at.

There was still time. Time to offer Neil space to take back what he just bestowed on you. For him to deny the praise hidden in the corners of his affectionate smile and within the light in his eyes. But he did not seem eager to backtrack on the words you did not think you deserved.

“From your incredible dancing, Cupid,” signing off the accolade with another one of his charming smiles, he lifted your hand to his lips and turned it to press a fleeting kiss to the inside of your wrist.

Over the pulse point. A gasp was inevitable as you closed your eyes and let the sensation burn through your body and soul. Just as Neil intended. It was fleeting, yet the impact felt almost permanent. Impossible to shake off.

You did your best, opening your eyes to see his pleased smirk and ignoring it entirely to huff in pretend annoyance:

“Christ, you’re such a charmer” an eye roll thrown into the mix completed the act as Neil let go of your hand and let it drop back to your lap.

The sensation persisted, making your skin tingle. Unconsciously, your thumb rubbed over the exact spot he kissed. It did nothing to eradicate the sensitivity.

“You like it, though” mindless of your turmoil, Neil bumped his shoulder into yours, the dangerous grin blooming on his beautiful face.

It took you one look to know you were foolish to think one night with him could have been enough. Stupid to believe Neil was someone you could let slip through your fingers after getting to have him. Now, with the decision entirely up to him, you could only wait, taking what was freely offered. With that reminder, it was easy to forgo the remains of pretence. Even if just this once. Once more.

“You’re right” the only sign that he was not expecting your straightforward answer was how his eyes widened, roaming over your face with renewed intensity. By now, you knew there was no point in trying to decipher his looks, so you simply stared back. Unwavering and confident in what you wanted him to know, “I like you,” noting the slight hitch in his breath, you added, “Neil,” emphasizing his name the way you did on Friday night, you met his increasingly alarmed gaze and offered a smile. A wordless reassurance that he need not fret that you have gone insane. Not yet, anyway. Before the charged moment could evolve into something you could not control, you swallowed hard and asked the only question that required no thinking or clarity of mind, “How’s the parish?”

The manic grin, signing off the not-subtle change of topic, was a touch too much. Admittedly. It slid off your face as quickly as it appeared and was buried in the hard stare you directed at the dirty floor of the carriage.

But not for long.

“Great, many… devotees and all” the joy in Neil’s voice alone was not enough to make you look up.

But it was enough to make you crack a tentative smile, relieved that the joke still had not gone stale. You quite enjoyed it. For whatever reason.

Following the hopeful thought, you raised your head again to meet his gaze. On the periphery of your attention, you noticed the fact that Neil had never looked away, but you filed the knowledge for future use (that would likely never come) and instead offered him a cheeky look:

“All that jazz?” framing your face with infamous jazz hands, you waited with bated breath for the quip to land.

It did with an uproar of laughter and Neil’s striking eyes gazing at you with something you could not decipher if you tried. Wordlessly, you offered him something similar, an affectionate look that spoke words you never could force your tongue to form. It spoke of comfort. Of being understood like never before. The gratitude in Neil’s face was worth the risk.

“Jazz and hymnals,” offering you another manic grin, he broke the eye contact to glance at the floor. Before you could begin to think of something to say, Neil swallowed hard and spoke again, “Actually, I wanted to ask if you wanted to join me and some of my work friends in a pub on Friday?” the only sign that he was nervous was the slight tremble in his voice, followed with close to no time given for your answer, before Neil dived into another winded explanation, “It’s just a hangout, but ever since I dared mention that I met a ballerina, they won’t stop pestering me about you” a nervous chuckle tore from his parted mouth, making you look up and study him closely. That strange shyness seemed to be back, as always out of place on such a beautiful face. It bloomed along the sharp lines of his cheekbones and in how he picked at the chapped skin of his bottom lip with his teeth. Without thinking, you covered his fidgeting hands with yours. A gentle squeeze was all the confirmation you needed to know it was a good call, “So I want to introduce you” his earnest eyes met yours, but before you could even think about the answer, Neil added, “As my friend” he nodded, once and curtly as if convincing himself of what he just said and he fell silent.

The resulting pause was almost hard to absorb. It rang in your ears like an explosion. That was not something you expected to hear. Probably never. Not from Neil. Admittedly, the concept of him talking about you with someone else seemed foreign enough to be nonsense. Not probable.

And yet. You did not have to search your heart to know what the answer was supposed to be.

Aware of the few different ways you could approach it, you chose to fall back on what came naturally. Unlike honesty and vulnerability.

“As long as no one asks me to get on my knees and pray, I’m in” shooting Neil a smirk that felt a tad too much, you waited for his startled gaze to meet yours and winked, dropping your voice a notch to share what was meant for his ears only “And yes, I would get on my knees for other reasons” there was nothing to add there.

And nothing to take back either. No regrets as you stared at Neil, patiently awaiting a response. All the while, your fingers kept the loose hold over his hand, brushing over his knuckles in repetitive moves to soothe the both of you. Even if you would never admit as much.

You watched as the shock in his eyes gave way to begrudged acceptance, disappointed yet not surprised by your constant desire to be a nuisance. It was almost flattering. It made your blood sing with a spark of something you were keen to assign to pure exhilaration. And arousal, too.

“I didn’t ask” after what felt like ages of silence, Neil swallowed hard and made an effort to look away from you, feigning disinterest.

Still, his fingers squeezed yours, betraying the act. Smiling, you squeezed back and disentangled your hand from his as you took note of the approaching station. It was funny (and fucking annoying) how fast time seemed to pass when one wanted to cherish every second.

“But you wanted to,” shrugging upon Neil’s arched eyebrow and an indignant noise of protest that was never going anywhere, you leaned in to kiss him on the cheek fleetingly and got up from the seat “Give me time and place, and I’ll be there” smiling in the face of his utter bewilderment, you added, “On my best behaviour” a glance out the window showed you the tiled wall of the Southwark station, and signalled that it was high time to move.

Unfortunately.

“Like right now?” the humour in Neil’s voice was a reason to look back at him, taking note of the delight you could see on his face.

It proved all you already knew. He enjoyed it. All of it. Your insanity included. The understanding was enough to make you grin like a mad woman and nod:

“Yes, exactly,” the carriage drew to a slow stop, and people rushed from their seats as you gripped the railing and met Neil’s gaze for another prolonged moment.

“Perfect,” mirroring your smile, Neil’s mouth twisted into another trademark smirk.

The doors slid open with the PA message talking of gaps and stations. You raised your hand in a brief wave as you let the tide of commuters lead you onto the platform and away from Neil.

Not bad for a first meeting. Right?

***

In hindsight, which was a gift many possessed, but Neil decidedly did not, it was probably expected, that his friends would take every opportune moment to ask about Cupid. Even when taking a short break in the common room. Even when he was halfway through the second espresso of the day (and a third cup of coffee, because whoever needed sanity, anyway?). Even when it was the last thing he expected. Or, perhaps, especially then.

“How’s your ballerina, mate?” the question arrived exactly when Neil had his mouth full of coffee and was too busy staring at his phone to realise he was targeted with another of Ives’ laser stares.

A coughing fit, brought forward by the ever so graceful tendency to choke on drinks whenever cornered, was the only answer Neil was capable of for the first ten seconds. Glaring at Ives with what he hoped was enough murderous intent to make the soldier reflect on his actions, he put the cup on the coffee table in front and glanced at the remaining person in the room. Just to anticipate further assault, should it follow. Naturally.

Wheeler seemed unbothered, sipping her daily green tea and scrolling on the phone. But by now, Neil knew better than to ignore her existence. With one final warning look in her direction, he turned back to Ives. Just in time to see an infuriating grin spread over the man’s face, begging to be wiped with a punch. Ignoring the urge to do just that, Neil offered a reply:

“She’s… good. Great” the words felt flat, not measuring up to everything Cupid was.

But it was also the only admiration Neil was willing to impart to them. Those words were safe, not betraying the exact depths of his affection. He might not be embarrassed about how much he valued Cupid and every little thing about her, but he was certainly not eager to get into another conversation that would lead nowhere. The teasing was awful, as it was already.

“Of course she is,” Ives’ repartee muttered loudly enough to be heard by Neil from the other side of the room was accompanied by another of his annoying smirks.

Was Neil a better, smarter person, he probably would have ignored it. But he was neither better nor smarter. The spark of exasperation has been lit, burning through his chest with increased ferocity. But, sadly, no matter how frustrated Neil felt, he knew that none of it warranted physical violence. Yet, that is.

So, leaning back on the sofa to at least maintain physical comfort, since the mental one was not available, Neil chose to channel the ire into words.

“Your point?” arching his eyebrow, he focused his gaze on the current enemy of the state, awaiting an answer. When nothing followed except for Ives’ nonchalant shrug and Wheeler’s scoff in the background, he continued, “Never mind, I don’t care” he knew he sounded like a petulant child throwing a tantrum, but there was hardly anything to do but push onwards, choosing this moment to drop the news his ‘friends’ (way too generous term) surely would be interested in “I invited her to the pub, by the way,” Neil could feel the grin making its place on his face, erasing any pretence of indifference “Tomorrow” even the reminder alone was enough to spark the excitement.

Alongside it, he could feel the inklings of anxiety bloom to life. If only because he had no idea how Cupid would react to the antics of his friends. Or whether his dear crew was even capable of surviving her. He pushed past the worrying thoughts for the time being by reaching out for the cookies on the table. The sweetness of chocolate chips melted on his tongue, eradicating the fears. For now.

“Why?” this time, Ives’ question was stripped of all remaining nonchalance and certainty.

He was not expecting that. Neil’s mouth twisted into a smirk, revelling in satisfaction. He met the man’s surprised stare with confidence, taking in the uncertainty coming to life underneath that cocksure act his friend liked to maintain. Well, no more.

One glance at Wheeler confirmed the upper hand he has seemingly achieved, making Neil push forward:

“Because maybe once you meet her, you’ll stop being so annoying about this,” the steel edge in his tone was not something he could explain.

Except that he suddenly felt the need to defend the relationship with the woman in question against all forms of offence. Even imaginary.

“No chance, sweetheart” it seemed that Ives did not need as much time as Neil hoped to recover.

The grin was back on his face, accompanied by a wink. Outrageous. Ignoring the sudden urge to hiss like a furious cat, Neil rolled his eyes and dropped his gaze to the table.

Despite her suspicious silence, he could feel Wheeler’s eyes boring holes into his head from her perch in the corner of the room. That was a ticking bomb, awaiting her moment in the chaos to blow up. Or, less dramatically put, waiting for her time to shine and ask a question Neil knew he would not be able to answer. It hung over his head like the guillotine’s blade.

“Yeah, I worried as much,” punctuating the annoyance with a huff, he raised his head with renewed determination. It fueled the words he needed to be spoken, “Still, Cupid is delightful, so you’ll sure like her” it was as much a certainty as it was a plea.

A hopeful thought. A dose of wishful thinking, indeed.

Somewhere at the back of his head, Neil became aware of the many different words to describe her whirling around his brain, thousands of synonyms and endearments scratching at his consciousness. As if desperate to be heard. To make a point. But there was no point to make here. Cupid was a delight. She was also the most beautiful woman he had ever met. She was someone he could not have. But that was alright. It really was.

“I’ve no doubts about that” Wheeler’s voice broke the silence, startling Neil. He turned his head sharply to face her, noticing the quiet confidence visible in her sharp green gaze. Still, he appreciated the vote of trust, “Did you kiss?” the question exploded with the force of an atomic bomb.

As he should have expected. The nonchalance in her face told Neil he fucked up, ignored the signs, and now he has been left gaping at his two tormentors with no way out of the interrogation. Well, he could have just got up and left. But Neil was also pretty sure he would be cornered in the lift next. Or on the stairs. Or wherever else it was possible to torture him. Sighing heavily, Neil sagged onto the sofa and covered his face with his hands. A deep breath or two were in order. Perhaps he was overreacting. The dramatic tendencies yet again won with any sense of logic or stoicism. As always.

Fuck it. Heaving another weary sigh, Neil raised his head to stare at the wall as he stammered:

“I- We-” finally, he summoned enough courage to say what needed to be said, “Yeah… we did” with the speed of his thoughts at the minute, it was no surprise that the brain did not get the memo to stop fucking talking. No surprise at all to hear himself add another tidbit of information, almost without his conscious decision to do so, “We also had sex” as soon as the words left this mouth, Neil groaned, barely resisting the urge to get up and flee the scene with burning cheeks and mortification capable of killing him on the spot.

The fact that this sometimes happened – saying things before he was even aware he was doing it – was embarrassing enough. Especially now. The silence in the room upon his ill-timed admission felt thick enough to be cut with a knife. Even a butter knife. Unwilling to see the exact reactions on the faces of his companions, Neil trained his gaze on the floor, feeling the blood rush in his ears, the pulse pounding with worrying speed. He could feel their stares, boring holes in his head and trying to peer inside.

“You- what?” in the few years of knowing Ives, Neil was sure he had never heard the man quite so flabbergasted.

If it were not so surprising he would almost find the reaction offensive. Because why was it so unexpected? He tried not to ponder the answers to that question.

“Last Friday, after the ballet,” throwing the background information with as much indifference as possible, Neil slowly raised his head.

He was met with a wide-eyed stare from Ives’, his bright blue eyes seemingly stuck in a constant state of shock. Yeah, that was that when it came to not being offended. Exasperation rose in his chest, tempting Neil to do something very stupid. But before he could utter another word, Wheeler’s question filled the silence:

“So, you’re together now?” contrasting her trusted partner in crime, the brown-haired woman appeared disturbingly calm.

She put down the cup of tea with a measured move and rested her hip against the cupboards, unnervingly staring at Neil.

There was no need. He seemed unable to keep quiet anyway.

“No, of course not. I’ve told you that she doesn’t do relationships. It’s just sex” this was an answer long prepared, something he could recite from the heart. Why that was, Neil dared not think. Instead, he shrugged, for the umpteenth time within the past ten minutes, wishing to exit the conversation and escape to the North Pole. Or someplace like that. Polar bears were sure much better company to the two idiots he was paired off with presently, “Why are you staring at me like that, Ives?” he could hear the edge in his voice, the sharpness of vowels revealing the depths of annoyance.

The last thing Neil needed was someone sowing doubts about what was unchangeable. Not now when he finally began to feel settled again, for the first time since that fateful Friday night. Now, when he was so close to giving Cupid the answer. Now, when he almost felt like he knew what he wanted to do about it.

Not now.

“Because I think you’ve gone insane” there was no dose of mercy or understanding in Ives’ reply; the man focused his blue-eyed gaze on Neil without respite, clearly driven to say his part. For better or for worse, “You don’t do casual sex. With anyone” before Neil could offer an interjection at what was clearly not true, the man continued. Somehow filled with more passion and conviction, “Christ, I’m pretty sure you turned down at least three girls for that very reason last year. You’re a romantic, Neil” the sign-off proved to be the last straw.

Neil rolled his eyes against the allegation and stood up, fire blazing in his gaze. For whatever reason, he did not know. Except that something in the impertinent tirade of his friend irked him beyond compare.

Yes, maybe what Ives said was true. Maybe he turned down offers for casual sex before. But that did not mean a thing. Because all those other women were not her. They were not worth changing his ideals for what could also prove to be an unsatisfactory result. Only she seemed worth the risk.

And yes, Neil was aware of how pathetic that sounded. He shook his head against the ridiculous thoughts and paced the room before finding apt words to defend his choices. Not that he had to defend anything, of course. Still-

“No, I’m not” if that was a stretch, no one had to be any wiser. Just in case, however, Neil trained his gaze on the floor instead of looking at his companions, “Just because I’ve never done it before doesn’t mean I can’t now” there, that sounded perfectly composed and reasonable “It’s fine. I like her, and we’ve got a good thing going” finishing the speech with the only sentiment he was moderately sure of, Neil risked a glance at his friends.

Ives still looked infuriatingly impassioned, as if barely holding himself back from making more incorrect assumptions, but it was Wheeler’s expression that made Neil falter. His restless eyes finally found purchase for more than a second at a time. If only so he could understand what that introspective look in her eyes meant. And what potential trouble could it bring.

“If you say so,” Ives’ dejected reply almost went unnoticed, falling under the radar as the man sighed heavily, as it was him who was being violently verbally attacked.

The audacity was something else.

“We’re just worried about you. We’d rather avoid a repeat of the last time someone broke your heart” Wheeler’s voice was laced with concern as she breached the space and placed her hand on Neil’s shoulder with a stoic yet meaningful look in her eyes.

The tight smile completed the picture as she squeezed his shoulder and left as quickly as she had approached him. Still, the gesture lingered, making Neil falter. Because he knew what Wheeler meant. He knew it too well. Sometimes during those darkest moments, he could still remember how it felt. The searing pain in his chest and the inescapable knowledge that he was not enough. That he never would be. That the heartbreak would follow him wherever he went because there was no universe in which Neil was destined for a happily ever after.

Sometimes, it was easy to believe that, too.

Most of the time, however, he ignored those thoughts. Like now, when that first sting of tears at the back of his eyelids spelt trouble and unwanted attention. When he could feel the tightness in his throat threaten to trigger something no one wanted to see in public. Not now. Not ever.

Instead, Neil plastered on another obnoxious grin. The blinding strength of it was almost enough to get rid of the residual feelings.

“Well, worry not! It won’t happen” to reinforce the intended effects, Neil notched up the cockiness in his smirk and flopped back onto the sofa with all the air of someone certain they were making correct decisions.

Or, at least, that was the hope. That no one would see past his act despite the edges of the mask slipping with every second.

Taking a fortifying breath, Neil swallowed hard and settled against the cushions, hoping the softness would anchor him. A glance at the watch confirmed his hopes – not much time was left till he had somewhere to be. A handy excuse to leave faintly appeared on the horizon, teasing him with potential and salvation. Only, it still had to wait…

As soon as the faint hope glimmered, making Neil feel a tiny bit better about his current situation, Ives broke the silence. The only way he knew how:

“So… how was the sex?” Neil’s head swivelled in the direction of the man at breakneck speed, a blush already blooming on his cheeks.

It was mortifying how little it took to reduce him to a blushing fool these days. How one mention of Cupid, or the moment they shared, was enough to render him incapable of acting like a grown-up. How there was nothing to do about it but groan out loud and cover his face with his hands, hoping to escape the scrutiny. While knowing it was too late, anyway.

Before he could find an apt response (or any words at all, in fact), Wheeler interrupted the silence with her frustrated sigh, annoyance tinting the words:

“Ives, for fuck’s sake…” even without looking at her friend, Neil knew she was rolling her eyes, equally fed up with Ives’ antics.

Not for the first time, he felt gratitude for her existence and the constant intolerance of bullshit. Neil hoped to convey as much through a quick smile, shot in her direction sometime between staring at the floor and pondering the best course of action. She smiled back, briefly dropping the disinterested frown that seemed at home on her face whenever friendship dramatics unfolded. Which was more often than Neil would like to admit.

Apparently, a penchant for drama was a contagious trait. Sadly.

“What? I gotta ask the important questions” the lack of remorse on Ives’ face told Neil all he needed to know about the situation.

There was either option a – leaving the room as he stood, without a further word or a gesture, aware that he would be cornered by his dear friend shortly. There was also option b – answering the question in the vaguest way possible and hopefully buying himself time and necessary peace.

Was it really a choice? Sighing heavily, Neil strengthened his back and met the awaiting blue gaze with what he hoped to be confidence.

“Very good. Might I say euphorically good,” he could feel the smirk make home on his face as memories followed the words, offering a gratifying reel of moments he was sure he could never forget. It never failed to make him grin like an idiot and consider doing something reckless like calling Cupid and asking her out. As a friend, that is. A friend you wanted to have sex with again. Instead, he allowed himself to soften the voice and add, “She’s… incredible” it was a severe understatement, but then the present company was not worth hearing peans he could bestow upon her.

Those words were meant for her ears only. And yes, he knew how it sounded. How it pointed towards things Neil was not admitting, not even to himself. But that, too, was best ignored. Forever.

Before Neil could find the necessary words to follow the admission and, hopefully, exit the conversation altogether, the door creaked. All three pairs of eyes snapped towards it, displaying different stages of shock and bewilderment.

Neil watched as The Protagonist stepped inside, the dynamic of his movements stopping on the threshold as the man took in the scene presented before him. Cocking an eyebrow in a silent question, the older man closed the door behind his back and regarded them coolly.

“Uh oh,” the phrase, offered casually, without a dose of interest or intrigue, was accompanied by another taxing look.

Worryingly, it was focused on Neil only. The dark eyes of his best friend (and boss) scanned him from head to toe, undoubtedly clocking everything he hoped to conceal. Stifling the sudden urge to drown himself in the cup of lukewarm coffee someone abandoned on the table hours before, Neil sagged on the sofa. That was not going to be fun.

“Uh oh, indeed” even without looking at him, Neil could tell Ives was smirking.

Feeling the three pairs of eyes focus on him again, he groaned.

He was completely and utterly fucked, it seemed.

***

Usually, Friday evenings in the pub were not associated with anxious thoughts or fidgeting hands, interchangeably tugging and relaxing the chain clasped around your neck. But that was not a usual Friday night, and no amount of mental coaching could change that fact or convince you to stop worrying. No, the nerves seemed ingrained in the fabric of your soul as you exited the Leicester Square station and rushed through the streets of Chinatown, rapidly filling with people. You swallowed past the overwhelming onslaught of worries and pushed onwards, only briefly stopping underneath the red lanterns to double-check the location and whether you were still on the course.

When Neil sent you the address earlier that day, you admitted that the choice of locale was greatly appreciated. That was your hunting ground so to speak. The streets, where you felt most at home, with the bright lights proceeding your steps and the bustle of the city filling your heart. But even the comfort of the familiar environment did not eradicate the fears. The millions of what-ifs swirling around in your head all pointing out that one crucial fact – there was no guarantee that his friends would like you. None at all.

And the alternative was too terrifying to consider. Admittedly, this was not a place you visited often. Not a predicament you knew too well. Because, usually, you could not care less. Did not give a flying fuck about whether someone liked you or even accepted you because if they did not – well, their loss. But those life rules did not seem applicable this time. Not when the stakes suddenly seemed higher than gaining a stranger’s sympathy. Even though you could hardly explain what the alternatives were and why they scared you quite so much.

Glancing up from the phone screen, you double-checked the pub name with the address typed into the search bar and closed the app. Pocketing the device, you crossed the street and stopped just before the doorway. The bar was half-full, the music not quite booming yet filling the interior with cosiness and warmth that beckoned you inside, sparking the courage that began to flicker in your heart. As if sensing your moment of indecision, your phone buzzed. A single text from Neil appeared on the screen:

/✝️, 8:03 pm/ I’m here if you’re early.

Despite the nerves, you grinned. A ridiculous giggle escaped your throat as you pushed the door and entered the pub. That was a sign if you ever saw one. The contrasting warmth seeped into your bones as you unzipped the jacket and manoeuvred around the tables to the room in the back. This part of the bar was empty, save for a larger table in the corner. As soon as you entered the space, Neil raised his head and met your gaze with a bright smile. It was impossible not to grin back, taking in the warm light reflecting in his golden hair and the undone top buttons of his navy shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Even now, after everything, the sight never failed to make your pulse quicken, revealing the truth you could not ignore. That you wanted him. Still.

Probably more so now that you knew what it was like to have him.

That reminder alone was a reason to push all thoughts to the back of your mind and close the remaining gap in three steps. Shooting him an overly confident grin as a greeting, you drew back the chair opposite Neil’s and took off your jacket, draping the covering over the backrest and sitting down without as much as a word. If Neil noticed the unusual silence, he did not show it, instead following your every move with curiosity in his eyes. Once you were settled and allowed yourself to rest your gaze on him, Neil’s smile softened into something fragile. Something kinder than you were used to. You basked in the warmth of his expression as he broke the silence:

“I’m glad you came” that same affection tinted the simple sentiment, quieting the nerves in your head, even if only for a second.

For whatever reason, the fears seemed worth it if that was the reaction you earned by going through the pains of what was coming. It was shining in the blue of his eyes, luring you in like a spell. Without thinking about it, you darted a hand forward and quickly patted his hands, folded atop the table. The corner of his mouth twitched, clearly noticing your gesture. It was a nice feeling to be seen like that, appreciated for every tiny thing you did or said.

“Well, I promised, didn’t I?” the awkwardness slipped out alongside a weak chuckle you attempted, hoping to balance out the sudden pull towards seriousness in this conversation. You weren’t supposed to be serious, “When are-” the question, the only one you could think of suddenly, got cut short by Neil’s answer.

“In about ten minutes. They might be late, though” he glanced at the watch, almost in an afterthought.

Unashamedly, you let out a long sigh, feeling weariness fade for a short while. Ten minutes seemed like an apt time to settle. Or at least enjoy what you have right here and now. What you feared to lose more than you could admit.

Where was courage when one needed it desperately?

“Cool…” your knuckles rapped against the table, hoping to find the bravery in the rhythmless sound, but to no avail. You looked up, instantly caught in Neil’s blue gaze, staring back at you intently. As always. As if there was anything of interest that he could find only on your face, “Can I ask you something?” there was no way of getting rid of the tremors in your voice.

“Always,” Neil nodded, generous enough to spare you the suspense.

Taking a deep breath, you raised your head once more, plunging into the deep end:

“Are we still going to be friends if they hate me?” with no right way for a question like this to come out, you still cringed, wincing as soon as the words left your mouth.

Clingy. Pathetic. So unlike what you thought you knew about yourself. And yet. Because that was the crux of the issue. This deeply rooted fear that Neil’s presence in your life could disappear suddenly without a warning or a reason. A fear you did not understand or experienced before. It was terrifying.

Before your brain could unleash the ramblings, erasing any evidence of the question ever having been asked, you felt Neil’s hand gently cover yours. Despite knowing better, you looked up in time to see another soft smile grace his beautiful features. It mellowed the sharpness of the angles and eased the pain of looking at him.

A pain you were gladly braving every day if it meant you could keep on staring at him. With no desire to understand what that said about you.

“Obviously,” the lack of hesitation on Neil’s part bolstered the faint hope in your soul. It only got stronger as you saw him search your gaze with intent before Neil squeezed your hands and added, “Although I can assure you that they won’t hate you” the lack of judgement in his eyes seemed almost out of place.

A stupid question like that was bound to be judged and ridiculed. Surely. Except Neil did not seem to think so. The realisation made you feel lightheaded. It made no sense in the world order you knew.

You shook your head against the confusion and flipped the hand lying on the table so you could entangle your fingers with his. The softness of his palm moulded to yours as you arched an eyebrow, your face still a picture-perfect of calm:

“How can you be so sure, sunshine?” it was not in your nature to accept reassurance without trying to undermine it. You could tell Neil knew as much. It was there in the utter lack of surprise in his gaze as you prodded, his hand a comforting weight in yours. It helped you take a deep breath and confess what usually remained unsaid, “I know I’m… a lot” your eyes fluttered shut upon the unprecedented display of honesty.

You knew it was true, a fact many thought and no one admitted out loud. Except maybe when they stopped talking to you, leaving you behind without an explanation or an apology. That is when you easily concluded that it has happened again. You were too much. Too much to handle without being enough. Took up too much space without having anything substantial to say or do with it. Asked for too much despite not being worth even an ounce of it. Yeah, that.

It was always like that. So why would it be different this time?

Although you could feel Neil’s piercing gaze on your face, you did not dare look up. Instead, you tightened the hold over his hand and let your thumb brush his skin. The repetitiveness of the caress anchored you in the present. Sometimes, when you were brave enough to contemplate the reality, you marvelled at how easy it was to be like this with him. How you could touch Neil so effortlessly, without worrying about how it would be interpreted or what he could ask for in return.

“You contain multitudes. In the best way,” the affection in his voice made you push against the ridiculous thoughts and look up, even if only to see that same softness reflected in his eyes, “And I’m sure because I can’t imagine meeting you and not being absolutely enchanted, Cupid” squeezing your hand again, he raised your joined palms to lay a kiss on your knuckles.

By now, the move should have been something you were used to. But it wasn’t. It still made you blush, hiding the effects by dropping his gaze and focusing on the table. The warmth his words sparked in your chest simmered with a pleasant heat, almost eradicating every other thought and feeling. Until all that remained was Neil and his steadfast fondness, focused on you. For whatever reason.

It did not take your brain too long to realise the dangers of that line of reasoning, jumping into deflection before any other wayward thought could appear. Raising your head in time for Neil to see a performative eye roll, you replied:

“Christ, you’re really bad for my ego” it was not a lie, and you knew Neil could tell as much from how his mouth twitched.

Still, your hand stayed in his hold, too used to the contact to think about letting go. At least for a little longer.

“Ditto, babe” Neil’s smile widened into a bright grin as he shot you a wink, dropping the new nickname without hesitation.

Almost as if he hoped you would not notice. Wishful thinking and all. The discovery of his slip-up was enough to awaken you, giving your brain something to grasp. A distraction. A way to come back to who you were supposed to be.

Your eyes flashed, a familiar flicker of confidence and control making it easy to hold his gaze. To notice the uncertainty within the blue depths, spurring you on. Before Neil could even think about taking it back, you leaned in, invading his space and getting a whiff of his perfume. Like an addict getting a hit of their drug of choice. Stopping close enough to kiss him if you chose to, you let your nose brush against his in a light caress and whispered a taunting question:

“Ooh, it’s babe now, is it?” the thrill of being this close to him never got old.

It was strengthened by the awed look in his eyes, confirming the suspicions that you finally had the upper hand. Neil looked stunned, blinking rapidly against your proximity and the bold attack you dared execute. You stared as he came to, the hand holding yours twitched and Neil dropped his gaze, overcame with strange bashfulness.

“If you want it to be,” the murmured reply was coloured with sincerity.

Both an admission and a question, opening the floor for your next move. Swallowing past the pause, you opened your mouth to answer before a loud wolf whistle cut through the tension, making you spring back as if burned. Neil dropped your hand, his gaze instantly switching to the doorway. It did not take a genius to figure out that your time has just run out, and the company has arrived.

Fixing a curious smile onto your face, you turned in the chair, your eyes instantly drawn by the arriving group. The reason for your shocking awakening - a tall, muscled man with a buzzcut and a thick beard was the first to enter. His startling blue eyes met yours as his lips twisted into a smug smirk. He glanced at Neil, some silent understanding passing through his gaze before he asked:

“Are we interrupting something?” the unmistakable Cockney accent in his voice made you grin.

The cheekiness of this stranger was something you felt almost at home with. It was something you knew, the familiarity of it quietening the rapid heartbeat in your chest. Somewhat reluctantly, you shifted your eyes to fall on the second person to enter the room. The short woman, her hair twisted into a tight bun (not unlike what you often sported on stage), met your curious stare with one of her own. The last to enter was a tall, Black man. His presence already emitted confidence and charisma that you could not understand. As soon as his eyes met yours, the man smiled – a light, reassuring expression that transformed his face into something kind and open. With a sigh, you twisted back in the chair and closed your eyes briefly.

They did not seem scary… At least not terribly so.

“Not at all,” you only half registered Neil’s hurried response, noticing him rise from the table and gesture towards you with all the awkwardness of someone unable to play it cool. Despite yourself, you smiled at the realisation, “So, this is-” he never got to introduce you, for the sentence got cut short with another boisterous interruption.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” the bearded man approached the table, his wide grin unfading in the face of your bewilderment.

The remaining duo joined him on either side, all three pairs of eyes focused on you without a dose of apprehension. While the scrutiny was something you expected (and were partially used to), it still made you falter. Tightening your shaky hands into fists at your sides, you rose from the chair and faced them with a matching bright grin. By now, the act was almost too easy to take on - no matter the circumstances.

“It is I, indeed” completing the admission with a theatrical courtesy, you extended your palm towards the woman with what seemed like a safe greeting, “Nice to meet you” she met your handshake without hesitation.

The first handshake was followed by a round of introductions and greetings, easing that early discomfort of not knowing people’s names. Through the few minutes, Neil stayed quiet, observing you with an intensity you were slowly getting used to. You did not understand it, but it was almost comforting in its constant presence. Only once you were acquainted, you sat back in the chair. Conscious of the new company, you shifted in the seat and folded your hands atop the table, resisting the urge to meet Neil’s gaze as it bore holes into your head from over the tabletop. Before you could even think of anything to say, Ives broke the silence with what you came to understand as his modus operandi:

“Mate, I must say-” the cheekiness permeated every syllable as the man stared between you and Neil with a wide grin.

Curiosity sparked in your chest as you watched the interaction. The blind panic in Neil’s eyes completed the picture as he leapt from the chair and grabbed the sleeve of Ives’ jacket to pull him up.

“It’s best if you don’t,” the warning in his voice was something new.

Something fascinating, too. Something that you had a feeling you would be repeating in the quiet of your mind later. Later, when you were alone.

Now however, you stared as Neil completed the silent exchange with Ives and informed you all that it was time to get drinks. You got as far as telling him the order of choice for the night before the uncertainty caught up again. With Neil and Ives gone from the table, only two pairs of eyes were trained on you. A small mercy, indeed.

Ignoring the urge to flee the scene, you tried to settle in the seat and raised your gaze to meet the dark stare of the man who introduced himself as John. For some reason, his serious countenance inspired trust, making it a little easier to breathe out. The woman, Wheeler, was more intimidating, although you could not explain why if asked. It was not even that she seemed mean or judgemental, but rather that it was difficult to get a reading on her that you feared what she could be thinking.

Before you had a chance to spiral in that direction, yet again failing under the scrutiny of near strangers, John broke the silence with a question:

“So, how did you meet again?” the curiosity was undeniable in his voice, his eyes watchfully trained on yours.

Almost as if it was a test. Luckily, you knew the answers this time.

“On the tube. Neil was gallant enough to help when I dropped half the contents of my handbag on the floor” a fond smile appeared uninvited on your face, forcing you to drop his gaze and stare at the table instead. That did not go unnoticed. You could still feel their interest, like a constant weight upon your shoulders. It would take much more than this to shake it off, “I wasn’t leaving him alone after that” shrugging, you risked a tentative smile and a glance at your companions.

Judgement was still missing from the picture. Instead, the inquisitive light in Wheeler’s eyes turned into something sharper. For a split second, you felt perceived as if she could see through the bullshit smiles and nonchalant shrugs that made up your protective armour. As if she could peer inside the parts of your mind you did not acknowledge for fear of what you would find there.

Before you could let the simmering panic reap its fruits, John replied:

“And a good thing, too, because he shouldn’t be left unsupervised for too long” the humour in his voice acted like a needed respite, pulling you back from the blooming spiral and into the present.

Despite yourself, you grinned. A startled chuckle escaped your lips, confirming what you knew to be true. That, despite the doubts and perhaps an unconventional run of your friendship, you knew Neil. You understood him.

Enough to know that he should never be left to his own devices for too long.

“I’ve noticed,” a secretive smile shared between the three of you felt almost like an inside joke.

The feeling was strengthened when you heard Neil and Ives return from the bar, their banter audible even from beyond the doorway. You waited until the duo settled at the table again, the ordered drink placed in front of you with a smile, before adding, “Now I’m also forcing ballet education onto him,” winking at Neil to both tease him and draw him back to the conversation, you took a fortifying sip of the alcohol.

Not that liquid courage was needed. Of course.

“Which I don’t mind at all” Neil’s responding grin was worth any possible pain. Its warmth filled you from the inside with a mild bloom of affection, making it that much easier to let go of the remaining fears, “I’ll have to drag you with me someday. You’ll see how amazing she is,” directing the sentence at his friends, Neil took a sip of the pint and stared back as if to challenge your wordless wonder.

Even now, the constant praise was difficult to absorb. How could anyone be this nice and not expect anything in return? You did not know.

“There’ll be no dragging necessary. I’d go willingly” despite the apprehension, the first sentence Wheeler spoke to you was filled with enough friendliness you instantly felt bad for doubting her nature. She offered you a sure smile, the sparks of interest clear in her green gaze, “How long have you been dancing?”

Now that was a question you knew the answer to. Without daring to doubt the sincerity of their investment in your story, you dove into the tale. It twisted through the prodding and the questions, reminding you how much you relished being the object of genuine interest. How nice it was to share stories and have others listen instead of ignoring you or cutting short that which you dared feel passionate about.

Only once your tale found its conclusion in the current day and age, daring to share the hopes for the future, did the nerves resurface. You drowned them in another sip of the drink and chose to ask the question that never strayed too far from your mind these days:

“And you guys? What do you do for work?” admittedly, it was not the smoothest move on your part.

The eagerness shone through each word as you rested your chin on your hand and ignored Neil’s gaze. Perhaps tonight was the lucky one…

“We- You haven’t told her?” as soon as the hope began to build, making you lean forward in anticipation, Ives clearly remembered his surroundings, silencing his own reply with a question directed at Neil.

One glance at the man in question showed you the depths of panic, making you step in. Just in case.

“He hasn’t,” hoping the reassurance in your voice would be enough for them to believe you, you added, tone dropping to that teasing timbre Neil knew well enough, “Which has led to some rather… fascinating conversations” whether mentioning the many inside jokes was a good idea, you did not know.

But it was already done. The reveal did what you needed it to as you watched with interest the many emotions passing through their faces. Brief bewilderment was there, alongside confusion and boundless curiosity. But, perhaps most importantly of all, you could see respect. Hidden behind layers of thoughts and questions, but it was there. You earned it.

And through no other means than being yourself. Little victories have never felt more genuine.

“Such as?” Ives was the first to speak, prodding and teasing, his gaze filled with that familiar cheeky gleam, “Don’t leave us hanging, sweetheart” the nickname rolled off his tongue with ease, which seemed surprising to everyone but the man himself.

You did not mind. Stealing another glance at Neil, if only to check whether he still seemed somewhat alright with the conversation (barely), you allowed your mouth to twist into a telling grin:

“Wouldn’t dream of it” by now, Neil must have known what that smile meant.

The expectation was confirmed by his long-suffering sigh, interjected with a curse and a groan, sounding almost like a plea for heavenly intervention.

That is, if God, the Holy Spirit, or anyone else fancied being cursed while asked for help.

“Jesus fucking-” cutting himself short with another sigh, Neil covered his face with his hands, almost as if unwilling to take part in what would follow.

Still, you could see the remains of a fond smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. That discovery was enough to get rid of any traces of uncertainty. You leaned over the table and dropped your voice to a conspiratory whisper:

“My personal favourite is that Neil is a priest. He’s got the charisma, and I’m pretty sure those dashing looks would help to convert non-believers” admittedly, you were proud of delivering the line with a straight face.

Even more so when, after approximately five seconds, you had the desired reaction of three people dissolving into different stages of laughter at your whim. Despite yourself, you met Neil’s gaze, only to find him beaming with traces of good-natured annoyance in the gleam in his eyes. Wordlessly, you arched an eyebrow, seeking approval. Always eager to be praised for something you felt you deserved. His smile only widened as Neil sneaked a hand beneath the table and briefly squeezed your knee.

That just about did it when it came to praise.

Enough so that when a reply came from your unexpected audience, you were caught unaware by the tone and the knowing smirk present on Ives’ face as he asked:

“Speaking from experience?” startled, you looked up in time to see his confident grin, pointing towards a thought you had not entertained before.

They knew. At some point between the previous Friday night and today, Neil told them what had happened. He has perhaps shared it all, and now you were not only regarded as a strange woman he has befriended on the London Underground but also as someone he had sex with. A lover, if you dared label things. Although obvious a realisation, it was still somewhat unexpected, making your hands twitch as you slipped back on the mask of utter nonchalance. There was no point in pretending now.

“Absolutely” without batting an eyelid, you met Ives’ relentless smirk with an innocent smile of your own, choosing to take back control of the conversations as much as it was possible, “So, whatever parish you belong to, I might want an invitation” concluding the story with a telling wink, you picked up the glass and took a long sip, relishing in the slight burn of alcohol down your throat.

The sensation was enough to distract you from the strange thoughts, inspiring you to give in to the constant pull and meet Neil’s gaze over the table. He was already staring back, his mouth quirked into a soft smile. It was impossible to discern what it meant.

“We’ll come back to this conversation. If that’s okay,” John’s serious voice broke you out of the daydream, making you look up at him with surprise clear on your face.

That same air of authority you noticed the first time you had laid your eyes upon him was even more visible now that you got to talk. Without being able to explain it, you felt like he was the person most in charge out of the whole quartet. The one calling the shots. If anything, the comment enforced the idea, making you drop the playfulness for a split second to offer him a nod:

“Perfectly,” if only to ensure you had not accidentally ended up on the shit list for being too nosy, you added, “Mind you, I’m not holding a grudge. It’s just curiosity,” and it was, just that. The pure desire to know all there was to know about Neil. To piece apart his entire being and analyse it as one does when having encountered something so fascinating they could not walk past it. Yeah, just that. Shaking your head to erase unwanted thoughts, you chose to fall back on what was pleasantly familiar – letting your mouth do the talking without consulting the head on whether it was wise, “Although now that I’ve met you all, I think that perhaps it’s my other guess that makes more sense” letting the sentence trail off to a meaningful pause was an easy fate.

It was something you knew how to do. Entertain. Entrance. Fascinate. All to draw that fleeting attention, which would not solve anything except making you believe you were worth someone’s time. For a short while.

It worked this time, as always. All four pairs of eyes trained on you with curiosity. Ives was the first to break the silence, giving you what you had been waiting for:

“Which is?” arching an eyebrow, he leaned over the table, mirroring your position.

A flash of exhilaration passed through your soul, alighting that which usually laid dormant. Without meaning to, you met Neil’s gaze again, copying the cheeky smile before offering an answer:

“That you’re all in MI6” if not for the distraction in the form of his blue eyes, you were sure you would have clocked in the reactions, or rather the alarming lack of them, sooner. You blinked against the intoxicating pull of him, barely registering the silence from your companions, and found the bravery to add that which was meant for Neil only, “I mean, you could definitely pull off James Bond,” acutely aware of the audience, you tightened your hands into fists in your lap to prevent yourself from reaching out, signing off the statement with a wink.

That, too, hit the mark. You watched with delight as Neil blushed, the pink hue blooming on his cheekbones as he dropped your gaze and downed the rest of his beer. A gleeful chuckle was unavoidable as you finally gathered enough coherence to glance at the remaining companions. The mix of joy, consternation and pensiveness was something to behold, arresting your attention and sparking interest. What could it possibly mean? Questions began multiplying in your brain as you stared, particularly drawn to the exact expression on John’s face. It resembled quiet resolve as if he had just made up his mind about something and would not be persuaded to change it no matter the circumstances.

You had a feeling that you were not an exception to that rule.

“Cupid-” whatever Neil aimed to say got interrupted before you could focus your eyes back on him.

Still, the nickname resounded at the table with an extra impact, perhaps because it was the first time he had used it with the current company present. Despite wishing to remain blind to little details, you took note of the flash of interest in Wheeler’s eyes as her eyes flitted between the two of you. Thinking. You itched to ask what about but also feared the answer. Before you could even gather your thoughts enough to understand the intricacies of the situation, John got up from the chair, pulling Neil alongside him with a tight grip on his shoulder.

“C’mon. Let’s get second round” his tone left no room for discussion as he directed a pointed look at Ives and started for the bar without another word.

You stared as the two men scrambled after him, clearly taken aback by the sudden command. Now, curiosity was an understatement. It bloomed in your chest as you stared at Wheeler, silently begging for answers before you found any words to express an ounce of the confusion:

“What did just-” whatever question you had aimed to ask, you never got the chance as she interrupted you smoothly with a sleight of hand.

“Pay them no mind” that was not a suggestion, either. The order was visible in the focused gaze Wheeler placed on you, its weight quickly becoming bothersome, making you shift in the seat. Soon, you knew it was for a good reason, “Neil really likes you,” there was no question in the statement.

No chance for you to deny the claim. It wasn’t a false claim, either. You knew as much without needing to think about it. He liked you. It was there in every fond look, every tender touch, every affectionate word. And you knew that it was something you were guilty of as well. There was no point in pretending otherwise.

Ignoring the ever-present desire to run away, you strengthened your spine and met her searching gaze with honesty on your face:

“I know. I like him too. Never expected to meet a best friend on the Jubilee line, but well…” shrugging to shake off the remaining worries at your sincerity, you offered her a careful smile.

As soon as the words left your mouth, you understood their importance. You had never admitted it out loud. That this was a first. The first time you voiced what was long established in your mind and heart. What happened before you were aware. Before you could stop it. Was that another mistake? You did not dare answer that question.

Instead, you dropped Wheeler’s gaze and trained your eyes on the table, fingers idly tracing the grains in the dark wood. You knew the conversation was not over now that she had you alone and clearly unable to keep quiet. You did not have to wait long for another hit.

“He told us about what happened after the ballet last week” the judgment was still missing from the equation, no matter how hard you looked for it.

With your suspicions confirmed, there was no point in trying to pretend. No point in acting as if what she believed was untrue. That, too, was a fact. An undeniable truth, memorable and unforgettable.

After a beat, you braved the intensity of her gaze, feeling something else underneath the simple observation. Wheeler hardly seemed like a person to say things without there being a point to them. This time was not any different. The green of her eyes told you she was curious, eager to learn your side of things, but at the same time, she seemed almost wary. Concerned in ways that did not make much sense except for maybe…

“And you’re against it?” the question burst out from your lips before you knew you had formulated it. There was an edge to it that you immediately regretted but did not take back just yet. Not before adding essential information that could sway her. Why it mattered, you did not know, “I must assure you that Neil is in control. I offered to keep this strictly platonic. He’s yet to give me an answer,” the words rushed out with barely a pause in between as if you were on borrowed time.

Perhaps you did not want the company to return before you could wrap up this conversation. Perhaps it felt like if you do as much as hesitate in your answers, you will never get the words out again. And that would not do.

Wheeler only finished her drink in the face of your frenzied confession and took another moment to stare at you calmly before answering:

“I’m not against it, just worried. Neil is a genius, but he’s also a fool. And a romantic, at that,” the tired resignation in her tone provoked a careful smile to appear on your face despite the blooming worry springing alongside it.

It was something you feared, albeit without ever entertaining the thought consciously. His friends had every right to be worried. In fact, you were happy to see someone else care about Neil the way he deserved to be cared for. Intensely. But it was another thing to be seen as a potential threat towards his happiness. Someone to be cautious of. Someone who could hurt Neil. Someone you desperately wanted never to become.

“The worst combo,” ignoring the spiral which had just begun to take root in your mind, you quipped.

The force of the jest got lost somewhere between your head and mouth, lining the words with nerves and uncertainty. It still got a reaction you hoped to achieve as Wheeler’s face broke into a tentative smile.

“Isn’t it just?” her eyes met yours with hints of good-natured delight in the green irises, almost making you feel better about what followed. As soon as she sobered up, you could feel your chest seize painfully, the fear sinking its cold fingers into the fabric of your soul, “The point is that I hope you don’t hurt him. No matter what ends up happening between you” the intent was clear in her gaze.

As was the message. Should you hurt Neil, there would be consequences. Simple. Infinitely more effective than an outright threat.

Somehow, you did not need to search your soul to understand the fear beginning to shape there. You were not scared of what Wheeler or the other would do to you if you hurt Neil. No, it was something much more terrifying. It was the pure horror of knowing that, realistically, you could break his heart. Even if that were the last thing you would want to do. Even if you would never choose to do so. The ability was there. And that was enough.

Swallowing past the desire to flee, you forced yourself to meet her gaze and offer an answer as close to the truth as you could manage. As close as you hoped to be.

“I’ll do my best” you could tell your mouth trembled as you tried to form it into a reassuring smile, but still, you wished for it to be enough.

Because there was nothing better that you could offer. You stared as Wheeler processed your reply, her watchful gaze peering right into the fabric of your soul. It felt like an eternity before she nodded once, ending the conversation with decisiveness. A tired sigh escaped your throat as you sunk lower in the chair. You knew that it would haunt you for days to come.

In the background, you could hear the approaching voices of the rest of your party. The noise sobered you, helping to push against the melancholy and paste on a mischievous smirk. With the mask back in place, you knew you could survive the rest of the evening. Somehow.

***

By the time you had left the pub, the warmth of Neil’s hand on the small of your back guiding you outside, it was late, and your cheeks hurt from smiling. That pleasant tiredness that often came from spending too much time with people, forced to be someone you were never sure you understood, burned through your muscles, leaving you slightly dizzy. But that might have also been the alcohol. Or Neil’s loose handhold, dragging you towards the underground station.

You were not quite sure when it had been decided that you would come back together, only that the conversation involved something with Jubilee Line name-drop and Ives’ boisterous laughter. And a knowing gleam in his eyes that you did not enjoy. Still, as Neil patiently led you down the streets of Soho and towards Leicester Square, you did not mind the result. It gave you more time with him. More time to talk and less time to think about what the eventful evening brought up. About the fears festering in your heart.

Still, the comfortable silence was broken only once you were seated in the carriage, Neil’s thigh pressed against yours on the narrow plastic seats. His hands folded in his lap, tempting you with a comforting touch just a move away. If you dared be bold.

“So… what’s the verdict?” Neil’s question acted like the needed wake-up, pulling from the depths of confusing thoughts and confounding feelings.

It was harmless, instantly drawing your smile from its hiding place. One glance at Neil told you that was the intent, with the affectionate look in his eyes, studying your face. Sometimes, you wondered whether there would ever come a time when you were brave enough to ask what he was thinking about when he stared at you like that. What it meant, if anything at all. Today, you could only return his look and offer a grin as a prologue to your reply:

“They’re insane people” your smile widened as you watched Neil bark out a startled laugh. It was a beautiful sound, making you bask in the glow of those unexpected joys. It was that spark of happiness that made you add, “Just like you,” leaning into his personal space, you gave his shoulder a nudge, this once hoping that the fondness could be seen in your eyes.

You wanted him to notice, to know that the teasing came from no other place but that of affection. That, as you confessed to Wheeler, Neil was important. Probably your best friend. An honourable mantle not many could admit to having possessed. In the entire history of your life.

Neil’s gaze softened as he returned the playful nudge and bumped his nose into yours, drawing a startled gasp from your throat. Proximity tended to do that to you.

“I’d say something about pots and kettles, but-” the warmth in his voice made you wake up from the strange thoughts as you grinned, rolling your eyes at the jest barely disguised behind the good-natured tease.

The sentiment still filled your heart with a contented type of joy, casting the previous anxieties back to the shadows where they lurked. For now, they were not needed. Now, all that mattered was turning your body fully towards Neil and blocking everything except for his beautiful smile and striking blue eyes.

“I own my insanity, thank you very much” feigning nonchalance, you shot him an unimpressed smile before dropping the pretence to offer sincerity. As he deserved, “I like them. They seem fun to be around, and I’d love to meet them again” you met his serious gaze with a wavering smile, feeling it shake beneath the uncertainty that loitered at the edges of your consciousness. Despite the wishes to do so, you did not seem capable of shaking off the anxiety tonight. The addition needed to be said, if only for your sanity, “That is if they don’t hate me” what started loud and confident was finished in a murmur, half-whispered at the dirty carriage floor.

Sudden losses of confidence were something you were not used to, yet getting more accustomed to by the day. At some point, unknowingly to you, along with the trust in the realness of whatever you and Neil had, that old, blind self-assurance dwindled. It was still there but wounded and unable to return to what it was. And you had no idea why that could be except for the terrifying thought that the simple reality of being perceived was enough to tear at your foundations.

You felt Neil’s careful touch, his fingers tipping up your chin, so you had no choice but to meet his reassuring gaze. The pads of his fingers lightly brushed the skin of your neck, kindling the fire that always burned underneath your skin in his presence. You barely resisted the urge to close your eyes and lean into the feeling, forgetting about the conversation and everything else.

“No chance, sweetheart” perhaps the confidence you had been missing could be found in Neil’s smile, shining at you like a beacon of benediction. Or at least it felt like sometimes, especially in the haziness of the late hours and fluorescent lights. Now, as if sensing your uncertainty, Neil covered your hands with his and squeezed them reassuringly, “I’m yet to get professional feedback, but I believe they liked you very much” risking a peek, you met his gaze only to find nothing but affection there, its intensity making you feel lightheaded. No matter the amount of practice, you did not seem capable of getting used to it. Not at all, “Not as much as me, though” when the conclusion to his speech finally arrived, you needed another long moment to process it.

Another beat still to find an opportunity within it. It presented a whole myriad, an easy way out of the conversation that would no longer feel so awfully revealing. A chance for you to reclaim the bravado that so often served as a shield. A protective veil to hide behind until you would be brave enough to face the truth. You were not going to let it pass you by.

Without wasting another second, you presented Neil with a familiar grin as his hand dropped from your chin. You instantly mourned the loss, although you did not let it show.

“Yeah, I’d hope not. I’m not sure I’d be into threesomes” the delivery of the line seemed almost impeccable, making you preen at the instant reaction on Neil’s face in the form of his utter bewilderment. He blinked as if stuck with an exceptionally persistent thought, as a pink hue spread over his cheeks, widening your grin. As always, the instant gratification hit like the finest of drugs, getting right to your head, “Might get too possessive,” the addition, covertly whispered into his ear despite the empty carriage, only strengthened the effect as Neil sputtered, choking on his saliva.

Moments like this were why you knew you were already beyond the hope of saving. There was no going back from this. No chance of forgetting Neil and moving on with your life as if none of this ever happened. Sometimes, when you were brave enough to be honest with yourself, you admitted that you did not want to forget, even if you could.

“Helpful feedback” seemingly recovered from his moment, Neil shot you a glare, barely hiding the happiness visible in his gaze.

Teasing him was always the highlight of every meeting, giving you a chance to practice what you knew you were good at, with the additional advantage of an audience hanging upon each word. Briefly, you wondered whether having an active listener at your beck and call was good for your ego. Decidedly not, but the damage was already done.

“At your service” instead of entertaining the ridiculous thoughts, you mimed a low bow in his direction and squeezed his knee instead of pressing another presumptuous kiss to his cheek. Those would have to be held back until the next time you saw him. Just to be safe.

You met his intense, unwavering gaze just in time to see Neil sober up. His permanent smile faded as he shifted in the seat, almost as if steeling himself for something. Before you could open your mouth to ask, he broke the silence again:

“I have an answer for you” the initial confusion at the opener disappeared as soon as you noticed the uncertainty in his gaze. That sudden shyness you were slowly becoming accustomed to replaced the previous bravery as Neil took a fortifying breath and sighed out the promised answer, “Yes,” there was nothing else to it.

Just one word changing the course of your relationship without a hitch or hesitancy. The suddenness was the only thing that surprised you, with the brain half convinced Neil would need weeks to decide instead of just six days. Still, the uncertainty in his face must have been contagious, for you felt it spread across your soul, eradicating any other feeling or thought. There was no space for joy or excitement at what this course of events would mean for you. There was only doubt.

Whether Neil knew what he was saying. Whether he understood what it meant. Whether he was not making the mistake, Wheeler worried he was capable of. Whether you had the right to ask him in the first place.

Painfully aware of Neil’s attention, you forced your rapid heartbeat to slow down and voiced the only question that felt worth asking:

“Yes?” perhaps it was superfluous, just another second wasted on confirming what was already done and dusted.

Perhaps it spoke volumes about the person you wanted to be – thoughtful, patient, selfless – instead of the one you knew you were. Perhaps it was just another thing you could blame on the alcohol in your system. None of the reasons mattered as soon as Neil’s sombre countenance broke into another sunny smile. His hand came up to hold yours as if without a conscious thought. You settled in the feeling to find the necessary grounding.

“Yes. Because I don’t think I’m capable of keeping hands to myself when I’m with you” although the comment was anything but soft and affectionate, Neil’s hold told another story.

You stared as his thumb traced an invisible path over your knuckles. Over and over again. Until it was a sensation you could anchor within, taking a deep breath to find your footing once more. It would be alright. It had to.

“That’s flattering” despite the numerous buts and ifs whirling in your head, you met Neil’s searching gaze with a semi-confident smile.

You meant it. That much was certain. Because doubts and worries aside, all that mattered was simple: Neil wanted you. Enough so to try something new. Enough so not to choose between your friendship and the intimacy you could have alongside it. Enough so you didn’t have to decide for him instead.

As if reading your mind, Neil turned towards you and tightened the hold over your hand. Without breaking the eye contact, he raised your joined hands to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss to your knuckles, repeating a move already so familiar, yet still somehow unexpected. The breath hitched in your chest as he leaned forward, his other hand cupping your cheek and the thumb carefully brushing over your blushing skin. Quickly, you became incapable of doing anything but stare, awaiting his next move.

Neil’s gaze roamed over your face, as always drawn to your eyes only to glance at your parted lips and get stuck there. Quirking your mouth into a smile, you barely had the mind to find an appropriate quip before Neil wiped the intent clear with one swipe of his thumb. You gasped as you felt his finger trace the contour of your lips, the lipstick applied just before exiting the pub still relatively intact. He seemed to contemplate the next step as his blue eyes flicked to yours, searching for something. Whatever it was, Neil must have found it, for the next thing you registered was a decisive touch of the offending finger, swiping over your lower lip to smudge the lipstick and smear it over the corner of your mouth. Another embarrassing sigh was unavoidable as you glanced up in time to see the hunger in his eyes. As is for the past week, he has been holding himself back just as much as you did. As if this was to be your new normal. The thought alone was enough to make you shiver.

“Even tonight, I thought about dragging you with me to the bathroom and…” the confession was whispered in the meagre space between your faces, Neil’s voice taking on the tone you already knew yet had not heard a while.

The low, husky notes reverberated through your veins, erasing any uncertainties you could have had. None of that mattered. You had Neil to do as you pleased, and he had you. For however long it would last. For however long it would be mutually beneficial. Of course.

Now, with the promise of what could be placed so openly in front of you, you did not want to waste a second longer. Time was precious enough. Ignoring the pounding in your heart and the way Neil’s fingers slipped down the slope of your throat to loosely rest over your collarbone, you decimated the space to nothing but millimetres and whispered:

“Next time, you can just ask” upon his silent question, you nodded, confirming what you hoped would be evident enough, “I’d let you” curling your fingers around his hand touching your collarbone, you pressed your joined hands over your heart and closed the gap to leave a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

The resistance from claiming his lips was running thinner by the minute. But, as with most things, you needed Neil to take that step. To confirm his words with something much more tangible than your entangled hands and knees pressed close.

“You’d let me do what?” Neil tilted his head slightly as if trying to get a better reading of you.

From the depth of feelings, he must have seen on your face.

The slight smug tint to his smile let you know it was all just a pose. He had it figured out already. Except that being a little shit that he sometimes tended to be, Neil wanted to hear you say it. Assuredly. Loudly. Just so there was no room for doubt and a chance to confirm what you both knew. The desire was very much mutual. Sometimes, especially at night, you liked to recollect the exact feel of his hands on your body and the sounds he made when he came inside you. Those memories were enough to make you climax.

Neil had that much power over you for better or for worse. Somehow, even before actively opening your mouth to speak, you already knew you would not put up a fight. There was no point.

“Whatever you want,” squeezing his hand that was comfortably placed in your lap, you made sure to meet his gaze when stating the obvious.

Neil took it with a blinding smile, his hand letting go of yours to venture up your neck again, lightly brushing over the faded bruises as if he could still remember where he had marked you a week before. You did not tell him that the morning after you took a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror. Just to have another thing to remember him by.

“And now?” with your proximity, you could feel his breath fan your face with every word spoken.

The intensity in Neil’s gaze was almost too much. Almost, for it was exactly what you needed to be brave again. It strengthened the resolve blooming beneath your skin as you cupped his cheek and stroked the stubble with your thumb. It was impossible not to notice how Neil closed his eyes upon your move, leaning into your palm as if that was what he needed. With the evidence of your shared wants so clearly displayed, you did not need further courage to say what has been nagging at your brain for the past hours. One request gnawing at your mind, heart and soul, impossible to ignored.

“Now just kiss me” frowning at the needy tone of your voice, you waited for Neil’s eyes to snap open to add what was only aimed to be a further persuasion, “Please. It’s been too long,” noting the hunger in his gaze, you knew you did not have to convince him to give you what you asked for.

He wanted it too, only-

“A week” his lips twisted into an amused smirk as he arched his eyebrow in the face of your hunger.

Any other time, you would have let him indulge in it. You would have let him be a nuisance to fulfil the internal quota Neil seemed to have set for himself. But tonight, you had no patience left.

“Exactly. Too long,” freeing your hand to draw him even closer with a hold over his jacket, you closed your eyes and slid your palm to the back of his neck, angling Neil the way you needed him.

Neil did not need further pointers. You heard his quiet groan, half-swallowed by your mouth and felt him pull you as close as physically possible with his arm around your waist and a hand on your cheek. Your body moulded to his shape, lips slanting over his with practised ease. That first swipe of your tongue across his lower lip instantly reminded you exactly why his kisses were something you missed so desperately. The familiar taste filled your senses, making you dig your fingertips in the hair on his nape, tugging gently at the golden locks. It was impossible not to let out a quiet moan straight into his opening mouth. Neil’s tongue greedily collected the sound, mapping the inside of your mouth with attention to detail that still astounded you. As did his unwavering hold, arm gently supporting your back and keeping you close, nestled into his chest and the warmth it provided.

You kissed until oxygen became a prized commodity you could not willingly give up. Even if you wanted to. Only then, with a final decisive peck on his closing lips, you leaned back (only as far as Neil would allow) and opened your eyes. He was one step ahead, staring at you with a soft smile. There was no choice but to mirror the expression, relaxing your hold on his neck and pressing your palm flat over his heart. Neil’s thumb stroked your cheekbone, eliciting an embarrassingly affectionate look in your eyes. As if hoping to rectify its impact, you dropped his gaze and let go of him, aware that more tenderness between you would only spell trouble. And that was the last thing you needed.

As if reading your mind, a feat you were half-sure Neil was capable of (all things considered), he dropped his hands, letting go of you and offered another reassuring smile. A simple gesture yet sufficient in helping your heart rate drop to normal levels. A cursory glance out the window assured you had not accidentally missed your stop - another win for the nonexistent tally. Almost as good as the very next thing Neil chose to say:

“Soon, I might also have that other answer for you” his nonchalant tone was a striking contrast to the previous certainty and smugness.

But it did its job, drawing you in with ease. Despite the fading awkwardness, you met his gaze and noted the sincerity you could see there. The genuine wish to both make you comfortable again and share that one significant piece of his story you did not yet possess.

“The one that got you in trouble tonight?” risking a sly look, you arched an eyebrow and leaned back in the creaky plastic chair.

While Wheeler indirectly told you to drop it, there was no chance you would listen. And especially not when it was just you and Neil, alone and open to each other like always.

You knew you had hit the jackpot with your guess when Neil winced, a passing shell-shocked expression on his face hinting at slight trauma of the kind that only the closest friends could inflict upon one another. Whatever happened when John all but hauled him out of the room was not pleasant. And it only added to the curiosity in your soul.

“It wasn’t- Yes, that one” interrupting his attempt at deflection, Neil nodded, his smile dropping in favour of something much more serious.

It was not a sight you wanted to see. It seemed wrong. Especially then in an empty carriage with the flickering lights after such a pleasant evening. As much as you wanted to know, constantly consumed with the eagerness to unveil that remaining piece of the puzzle labelled ‘Neil’ (the label was blue, with the glittery gold letters and pink heart-shaped embellishments), the other part of your brain hated seeing him so sombre. Hated the fading smiles and the uncertainties those grey moments tended to unleash within Neil. There was no question about what you needed to do.

“That’s okay, I already know all I need” without letting yourself falter, you reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder and offered him a bright smile.

Hoping to convey the most important message – it could wait. There was no rush. Nothing better to do but enjoy what you shared without further need to complicate it.

“Which is?” the hesitation in his question only drove the point forward, helping you eradicate the remaining inhibitions.

Even if just for this one moment. You knew your time was running out, with the St. John’s Wood station approaching mercilessly. If you were in luck, there were perhaps three minutes to spare. Three minutes to show Neil his secret did not matter at all.

Your hand slid down his chest to comfortably settle atop his knee, the warmth of his body slowly becoming your favourite type of anchor. Neil glanced at your subtle move, but he stayed still. Almost as if afraid to move and break the spell. This fear, too, had to be quelled immediately.

“That I’m allowed to do this” with a whisper, you leaned in and closed the gap again by covering his mouth in a gentle kiss. Where previously there was hunger and desire, this time tenderness reigned, helping you settle the right pace with measured pecks and soothing caresses of your hands upon his body. Neil matched you beat for beat, drawing you closer again and gladly accepting all that you were giving. You kissed until a familiar crackle of the PA system made you separate, panting mouth and hazed eyes shared between you. Grinning like a lunatic, you leaned back in for a split second to kiss his cheek and stood up before Neil had a chance to react, “And that you’re my best friend” it almost felt like a relief to say out loud. Especially when the confession was received with Neil’s surprised, yet blinding smile, breaking through the paralysis induced by your sudden actions. The train began to slow down, approaching your station platform. Without another word or reckless act, you approached the doors and turned your head towards him with a simple farewell “Goodnight” as soon as it slid open, you left the carriage.

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