#there's something deep down you need to understand to be truly free

[feiandart]

This is something people asked me more than a couple times until now in the comments, both in the Italian version of Sugar and in the English one. I often answer this with a couple paragraphs of light explanations, but you know what? Have a seat, I'll actually talk about this in a proper way and this may be a very long ride.

I warn you: I'm writing this from my mobile in my free time. This means early in the morning or late at night after a whole day doing things. My brain is shit in those moments so you could find a lot of errors. I'm sorry if my English will be poor, I'm not really able to correct anything. (Also, I prefer to give you my honest flow without corrections. That may actually help getting the right vibe from all of this? I hope so).

But let's go to the proper answer.

I've been asked: "how much of your life do you process through words?"

There is no easy way to say this, no way to avoid being honest here. The reality is that I put all of my life into this story. There might be a lot of differences in the events, but the feelings, all the traumas I talk about, things the characters say, think or do, all of that is mine. I could literally take pieces from all the chapters and give all of them deep explanations on how those are not just mine, but me. I am between the lines, hidden inside all the metaphors, stuck under the weight of the baddest chapters, trying to breathe after writing the most emotional ones.

I know it's a fanfiction. I know the story is not perfect, that there may be holes in the plot and the characters may seem badly shaped, rough, not real. I know, I am not a professional writer, I might make mistakes. This is no excuse, mind me, but not everything in life is coherent or logical as we often see in the media. We can spend hours or a lifetime creating the perfect story with everything perfectly crafted but that doesn't make it real, because incoherence is a huge part of the human experience. And that is what I want Sugar to be: human, not perfect. Realistic when it comes to emotions and relationships, not necessarily in its plot or events. I want it to be a trip into the deep abyss of an injured mind, trying to hold on with a broken heart, not three unicorns running to Candy Mountain. I want to break you into pieces and slowly help to put everything back together.

Look guys, I get it as much as I get that is not actually a story for everyone. You open it expecting another plot and I give you a bad time instead. You think it's something about a sugar babe and his daddy and I give you traumas and none of that. You come for the smut and I put old wounds and control needs over that too, also denying it for a whole half of the story. Truth is, I am a scammer. You come for a Good Omens fanfiction and I break the characters apart, twisting them to the point they might be the same to the very core, but nothing like it on the outside. You have to dive deep to find them.

My God, what am I even doing?

They asked me, "do you choose your words with care, don't you?"

Oh, dear Lord, I am so sorry because maybe people really think I plot all the metaphors, I think properly of all the dialogues, but what if I don't? Most of the time I don't, really. I just put my hands on the keyboard and let them free to go wherever they want. I type whole pages and emerge right after without having the faintest clue of what I wrote. I need to come back multiple times to check if I got what I wanted in the correct way. Hopefully, it does almost all the time. I know where I start and I know where I want to be in the end, the middle of it is pure instinct and emotions. I know how my characters would behave and play them like a TV show in my mind, while describing scenes on the screen.

( There might be some kind of light spoilers from now on. Mind how you go! )

I know I am using Crowley as the raw essence of a damaged mind and heart. He uses crude metaphors, always talks with anger and uses blood and storms in his speech, because he is instinct, he's a tide, he's greed personified and wants everything he could get cause he truly got nothing in his life. He is the passion who can't be contained, he uses art to process his emotions, he uses music to lose himself in something familiar, hoping someone else could help him find his way back home. He uses gardening to grow things because in his life nothing seems to last long. He can't look at tomorrow without fear, but grows things he hopes will last more than him. Life was not good with him, but he wasn't good with his life either. He did nothing, letting time pass without actually building anything, living the days as they come, drowning his pain in wine or between someone else's legs. He knows most of what he is, most of what he's done, is not healthy. But he never really cared before.

And then there is Aziraphale, which apparently is a walking red flag, traumas personified on two working legs, scared of everything hiding outside his door. He got everything. He has money, a big house, books, some people working with him, and is content. So content his heart yells and cries because he's lonely. So content he can't really control his whole life because he is his own antagonist. So content he's not really scared of what hides outside the door, because what's inside is worst. He uses the softest metaphors, he uses his books to tell stories and talk about himself, he can't really speak is mind and talks, talks, talks so much! He wins arguments because he drags his opponents into exhaustion. He talks them to death, using whole paragraphs of elegant, perfectly crafted phrases and quotes he can shield himself with. He's not like Crowley, just getting started on this new channel of communication, no, Aziraphale is well trained. He has thousands of books he can use to get where he wants and still use his experience poorly because he thinks people are just like the books and guess what? That's not true. People are something else.

It's actually funny how I just condensate two parts of me into two different characters.

Crowley holds my outside, and this is why you have his POV for the entire story. You see the world with his distorted, unreliable vision, you see raw desire to be accepted, the need to be truly seen by someone, big pieces of his mind, his dissociations, his fear, his low self esteem, the thousands of radios turned on in his mind, his incapability to let things truly go, is head full of canvases he never finish. And then you see his rage and you're not sure how much that will last. Yeah, that is me. Welcome to myself.

Aziraphale holds my inside. This is why we never get his POV. Too easy, too deep, too much. He is scared. He needs control. He wants and can't get. He hopes and does nothing. He's stuck in his home, with his books, and finds himself at ease there. He thinks he's safe but he's not. He's a living contradiction and at the same time he's not.

God, what was the question again?

Maybe I wrote too much. Maybe this is not enough. All I can say is that there's something really important in this story, and that is Crowley asking Aziraphale to "look at him", 'cause all he wants is to bee seen.

But in the end, what is happening here is you looking at me. And it's strange to get so naked in front of so many strangers. But it's also good and positive to me to be seen, for once.

So, thank you. Really, thank you. 'cause with every chapter you allow me to express myself in a way I never did in 30 years. Thank you so much.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can you please do a part two of the Sebastian fluff where he lets his thoughts get the best of him and gets anxious that reader now sees him as a monster because of what they read on his document so he prepares extra good items and plans to give them heavy discounts and even some free but reader barges in like

"MANTIS SHRIMP??? PUNCH SOMETHING RIGHT NOW"

And after a bit of reassuring(possibly some punching too bc reader is too starry-eyed for him to say no to em) Seb realizes he trully never had anything to worry about and just, generally grows fonder of reader?

Ps. Adore your writing, keep up the awesome work!!

"God, why did I let them take it? Stupid, stupid, stupid.."

Sebastian couldn't stop beating himself up, even though he knew he shouldn't care about the opinion of any human sent by Urbanshade--especially one of the "expendable" class.

Yet because it was you, specifically--who was currently in possession of his document--he began to wonder what you'd think of him once you found out the truth:

That he was nothing but a horrible monster. Plain and simple.

If not the knowledge that he was a hideous chimera of several sea creatures' DNA...then surely the revelation that he caused the lockdown of the Blacksite would ultimately make you resent him.

He released all those creatures, who stopped at nothing to prevent you from reaching the crystal and had you running, fighting, or hiding for your life.

He was responsible for all the injuries you've sustained while crawling into his shop, desperately needing a medkit and a place to rest.

He would understand if you'd never want to visit him again after what they documented about him..but the image of your furious expression and overthinking the words you'd possibly say to him left him feeling incredibly anxious.

Suddenly, Sebastian found himself gathering more supplies. Medkits, code breakers, and every light source he had currently in the shop, trying to market down whatever he could. He was even willing to let you take batteries for free...which was something he'd never normally do.

Would it be enough to make up for everything horrific you discovered about him and the terrors he indirectly put you through? Absolutely not.

Was he willing to try it anyways just for the small chance that you'd keep visiting him? Maybe.

No other human has shown him a single ounce of kindness or gratitude for his services. Nobody except you, of course, and he refused to lose that.

-thump, thump-

"Shit.." He froze, hearing movement in the vent duct, hands trembling for his light to shine brighter. Part of him wishes he could stay in the dark, as he didn't wanna see your face and whatever hurt expression it could possibly hold.

But he knew it'd be rude if you actually needed to buy something, so he forced himself to look as your familiar figure crawled out of the small opening. You seemed out of breath, like you were just running from something, and stood up to dust the dirt off your pants.

"Sebastian..I need to know something, and you need to be 100% honest with me."

The moment you pulled out his document, the shopkeeper could feel his heart sink.

"Wh..What did you want to know?" He asked, already bracing himself for the worst.

You sounded dead serious, and he was convinced you were finally going to let him have it.

You were going to force him to explain himself and his actions, and tell him what a monster he truly was. Literally and metaphoric-

"Its it true that you have mantis shrimp DNA????"

Silence.

Of all the possible outbursts he expected from you, that certainly didn't cross his mind.

Sebastian just stared down at you, utterly dumbfounded. He blinked several times, unsure if he was truly seeing the wide smile and starry-eyed look on your face.

He had been waiting for a deep scowl, eyes full of anger and betrayal and sadness that he wasn't the "friend" he claimed himself to be when you first visited his shop.

Yet now? He saw nothing but pure delight in your expression.

"Um..yes. But of alllll the things you read about me, that shocked you the most?" He was still treading carefully.

"Well, it sucks that you were an innocent guy who got thrown into a shitty situation." You gestured to him, frowning a little. "And I'm sorry you never saw justice, but...it's just SO cool that you're part mantis shrimp!" A grin returned to your face. "They've fascinated me for years! I used to watch videos of them all the time. Did you know the velocity of just one of their punches is equal to a .22 caliber bullet-?"

"Stop." He put a hand up, huffing. "At least some part of you must resent me. I mean...helloooooo, did you skip over the bit where I'M the reason those monsters are after you?! There's no way you could've ignored that..unless your brain turned off the moment you read "mantis shrimp"."

"I read everything, Sebastian." You huffed back. "Look, if I ever had to go through what you did..I think I'd wanna rebel, too. And as much as those monsters scare me, they've probably endured the same experiments as you. They probably felt just as trapped and afraid. You must see at least a few of them as your friends, right?"

"Eyefestation and the PAInter are the only ones I consider "acquaintances"." He answered after a long pause, shoulders slumped. "The anglers are primitive, but they recognize me as the one who freed them, so they don't bother me or my shop. The only creature that tends to be an issue is-"

-thump-

-thump-

Tensing, you looked over your shoulder to see a Wall Dweller emerge from the vent behind you, its mouth split open and drooling with hunger, standing on two legs.

"-that." Sebastian glared at the creature; and before it could run away, he blocked the entrance with his tail fin. "Oh no you don't." He swooped over to grab ahold of its head with his third hand, causing it to shriek and kick its legs as he held it up high. "You seriously need to stop eating my customers when they're trying to BUY SOMETHING!!"

The Dweller just growled at him, to which he ignored it and glanced down at you. "What should I do with this thing?"

"Punch it!" You grinned, your fists balled up in front of you as you hopped up and down. "I wanna see how fast you could throw one!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Pleeeeaaase?"

"..ugh, if it gets that stupid puppy-eyed look off your face, fine." He looked back at the Dweller, grinning widely as he cracked his knuckles. "You wanna eat something so bad? Try this."

"....grahh-?"

In a blinding flash, his fist went through the creature's skull, effectively turning its head into dust. Then he dropped the whole body onto the ground with a grimance. "Eugh..never done that before.."

Then he looked down at you again, seeing your smile brighten. "Hope that made you happy."

"It did, that was amazing!" You laughed, kneeling down to rip off a chunk of the Dweller's flesh. He eyed you strangely, his expression changing to a look of horror as you shoved a piece in your mouth.

"What the f...why would you eat that?!"

"It's okay! I've had this stuff before." You swallowed, feeling rejuvenated already.

"B....Before?! What you're eating is clay and acid-"

"Actually, it's fresh meat. Reminds me of poultry, almost. I found a document somewhere saying that it has regenerative properties." You explained to Sebastian, whose eyes only widened the more you talked. "I didn't believe it at first until I saw the Angler kill one. I was hungry and...eating it healed my electrical burn somehow."

".......why was that not in its actual document?" He muttered.

You shrugged, ripping out another piece and offering it to him. "Care for a bite?"

"I'll..pass. But thanks." Lowering his body closer to you, he frowned. "Are you absolutely sure that-?"

"I'm sure."

"..you didn't even know what I was going to-"

"You were worried about my reaction to your file. I could tell from the discount signs and how you were scared to even look at me."

"............."

"But I promise it doesn't change anything, okay? We're still friends, Sebastian, and I'll still swing by to do business with you." You reassured him, smiling as you patted the back of his hand, before noticing the bandage on his third arm seemed bloody. "Um..when's the last time you changed that?"

"...oh this? Erm..it's fine." He attempted to hide it behind his back. "Nothing you should be concerned abou-"

"Too late. It's my concern now. Let me repay you for saving my tail."

He had no time to protest, as you were already on your feet and running for the medkit that was on the table. You weren't worried about getting to the next zone right now.

Not that Sebastian planned on kicking you out anytime soon.

No.

Now that he was able to confide in you, he was genuinely beginning to enjoy your company--especially as you asked him to rest his arm across your lap. From there, your gentle hands went to work changing the bandage out for a fresh one, using an alcohol spray to keep the wounds from getting infected.

He hissed and cursed a few times at the stinging pain, but not once did he try to get you to stop.

Suddenly, it all began to hit him in this exact moment.

You were willingly playing nurse to a giant sea monster that has killed a man and was responsible for the terrifying things you had to witness down here.

He couldn't understand..but at the same time he felt relieved that all along he had nothing to worry about.

"Th-That's fine..thank you.."

Hearing a sniffle, you glanced up as Sebastian hastily took his arm away, "standing" back up and turning away from you. You just smiled and patted his tail comfortingly, not saying a word as you waited for him to collect himself.

For once, that snarky and sarcastic fish you've come to know was gone, and he was letting his walls down, finally realizing he could trust you.

Eventually he fell silent, and you wondered what to do now. You bought everything you wanted to earlier, so you didn't wanna overstay your welcome-

"Do you mind staying for a little bit longer?"

The question surprised you, but you smiled and nodded. "Sure. As long as you don't mind, shrimpy."

There was a pause, and he slowly looked back at you, pouting. "Big talk coming from someone as tiny as you, friend." He playfully sneered.

You just laughed and shook your head, glad to see him in better spirits.

Thanks to that scrambler on his back, you didn't have to worry about HQ getting on your ass about continuing the mission or threatening detonation.

You could definitely stay awhile and ramble about more mantis shrimp facts to Sebastian...if he was willing to hear them, of course.

[maskedbyghost]

Heyyy, it's me again, but this time we're talking situationship!Simon—aka the biggest fuckboy you'll ever meet. Honestly, girl, I have no idea why you're still putting up with him!

you can’t even define what you two have, but one thing’s for sure—he knows how to use his dick, and you're both free to mess around with whoever you want. but of course, you had to fall for him, for that stupid smile he swore only you were special enough to see, for the gentle touch that lingered on your skin during those rare nights when he stayed longer than usual. you fell for the way he made you feel like you were the exception, even though deep down, you knew better.

you fell for how he made you feel like you were everything, even though he’d always leave just as quickly. he knew exactly how to keep you hooked—giving just enough to make you believe in him, but never enough to make it real. you wanted more, but every time he left, you remembered that his promises were as short-lived as his visits. still, you couldn’t stop going back, hoping that maybe this time, he’d actually mean it.

but he never did. you’d have fun for a few hours, but then he’d leave, acting like you didn’t exist around everyone else. he’d flirt with other girls right in front of you, not even bothering to hide it when he left with them, almost like he wanted you to see.

and every time, it hurt a little more, but you couldn’t bring yourself to end it. you told yourself you didn’t care, that it was just fun, but deep down, you wanted to be the one he stayed with. yet, no matter how much it hurt to watch him with someone else, the moment he came back, all that anger faded, and you let him in again, caught in the hope that maybe someday he’d truly see you as more than just a temporary fix.

one night, you tried to have a serious conversation with him, hoping that if you laid out your feelings, he might finally understand. but he dismissed your emotions with a shrug, listing reasons why he didn’t want a relationship: he was too focused on his career, he wasn’t ready for commitment, and he just didn’t want to deal with the complications. simon insisted that keeping things as they were was the best option for both of you.

afterward, as you lay together, a clear realization hit you. even though you were physically close, you couldn’t ignore the emptiness you felt. that night you made a silent promise to yourself: this would be the last time you let him in, and the last time you let yourself be trapped in this cycle.

and, being the dumb man he was, simon only came to realize what he had lost after you were gone. a few weeks after your last conversation, he saw you a few times out with other guys, laughing and flirting as if you were moving on. it hit him hard—a painful mix of jealousy and regret. he realized that he missed you, but at the same time, he knew he had no right to these feelings. not after treating you the way he did.  

he managed to keep his calm for a few more days, but the weight of his regret grew unbearable. finally, he snapped and called you into his office late one night, claiming he needed to discuss the upcoming mission with you.

as soon as you walked in, simon felt his heart tighten in his chest. seeing your face calm, confident, like you had already moved on, stirred something deeper than he expected. there was no trace of the vulnerability you used to show around him, no lingering affection. he realized, in that moment, just how much he had pushed you away. regret surged through him, sharper than he imagined, and he knew this conversation wouldn’t be easy.

after talking about unimportant stuff for a few minutes, simon took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. “i know i messed up, and i’m sorry for how i treated you. i’ve been thinking a lot about what happened, and i realize now how much i regret it. i was wrong to push you away.”

you looked at him, your expression guarded. “it’s a little too late for apologies, simon, don't you think? you had plenty of chances to get it right, and now you’re just trying to fix things because you see me with someone else.”

he tried to reach out, his voice softening. “i know it’s not enough, but i want to make things right. i can’t stop thinking about what we had.”

you shook your head, stepping back. “you had your chance, and you threw it away. i’m not going to be your second choice or your backup plan.”

"y/n-"

"no, simon!" you sighed, closing your eyes briefly to gather your thoughts. when you spoke again, your voice was steady, "you know, some people never fade from memory. they leave a mark that lingers just beneath the surface, no matter how hard you try to move on. but to be honest, i’m not in the mood for any more humiliation or heartbreak. so, this is my final goodbye to you."

you could sense that he wanted to say something, but you couldn’t let him speak before you had your say. “go ahead and fill your life with new faces, as if i were nothing but a distant memory. enjoy your freedom and let others wear you out as they please. i’m done being part of that. keep moving forward, and if you ever try to reach out, know that i’ll let your calls go unanswered. for now, i’m celebrating the end of our chapter.”

even as he heard you declare the end, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he still wanted you in his life. he was stuck between guilt and the lingering hope that maybe he could still fix things. despite your rejection, part of him struggled to accept that he had truly lost you, and he felt powerless to change the situation or let you go.

simon’s face twisted with a mix of desperation and anger. “you think you can just walk away and erase everything we had? you think you can move on and leave me behind like I’m nothing?” he took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but his voice was filled with raw intensity. “don’t fool yourself, i still want you, and i won’t just let you go. you’re mine, whether you like it or not. i know i’ve made mistakes, but i’m not done fighting for what we had. if you think you can find someone better, go ahead. but know this: i’ll keep groveling and doing whatever it takes until you take me back. i’m not going anywhere, and i’ll make sure you remember what we had.” he took a step back, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, and ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

you just smirked, turning on your heel to leave. as you reached the door, you glanced back over your shoulder with a cold, confident look. “i can’t wait to see you on your knees,” you said, your voice sharp. then, you walked out, leaving him alone with his mess.

game on.

(I WANT HIM TO GROVEL FOR MONTHSSSS)

----------------------------------------------------------

@daydreamerwoah

[kisakis-boyfriend]

Now, I never played Persona 3 but the protagonist looks breedable. So The Persona 3 protagonist (the male one) investigating an haunted/creepy site only to meet an horny male werewolf reader who fucks them 🎃

Author's Note: Makoto truly is one of the hottest persona protags (possibly even one of the hottest characters in general). Not to mention both of his English VAs did a fantastic job! I could gush over Makoto all day…so I'm just going to let the smut to the talking now 😶‍🌫️

Pairings: Makoto Yuki x male reader

Warnings: Male werewolf!reader, dom/top!reader, paranormal investigator!Makoto, adult Makoto, sub/bottom!Makoto, dubcon, finger sucking, dry orgasms, premature ejaculation(?)

This was supposed to be an easy job for once. Another "haunted" old cabin, multiple eye witnesses and videos and pictures worth of "proof", only to end up being a hoax unintentionally created by some local kids. He's been there and done that, time and time again. So, this place should not be any different, right?

Well… as luck would have it, Makoto would finally encounter something paranormal — a real experience, unlike the majority of his previous calls.

That's how Makoto ended up here; bent over a desk with the air knocked from his lungs while something wet drips all over the back of his body.

Drool drips from your snarling mouth, pooling on the back of the human's shirt, while your cock drips all over the ass of his pants and slides down the sides. You keep one clawed hand on the back of the human's head, and the other on his waist to prevent him from escaping.

The scent of iron and dirt burns Makoto's nostrils, invading every deep inhale as he's just short of hyperventilating. You're obviously not any sort of spectre, nor spirit nor ghostly being—you're really more of a beast, though your features are still quite human in nature. The man's best guess is a werewolf. Whatever you are, he's seen enough to know that he doesn't want to stick around any longer.

Attempts at wiggling free don't go so well, only building up Makoto's frustration and yours. Silly as it may sound to think a beast can understand the human language, he decides to try it anyway. “What do you- hnngh… what do you want?!” he hisses, “Are you the one…causing trouble, scaring the locals?”

You almost want to laugh at that absurd question. Causing trouble, he says. “Me? Please, ask yourself who's the real troublemaker here; the dozens of humans trashing my house and surrounding woods, or me, the guy who's lived here for decades — long before that filth migrated in.” you growl. Ignorant, ignorant humans as always.

“If anyone here is a troublemaker, it's you–” your razor-like nails dig into Makoto's side, and he winces, glaring at you with the eye not covered by his hair. “walking in here with that sexy body of yours, having the audacity to bend over and pick things up and present that fine ass for me.”

The human's heart leaps within his chest, pounding away loudly while he grips the edge of the table harder. “Your job is to help people, yeah? You wanna help these people? Then…” you lean down, covering the human's body with your heat, and whisper in his ear; “…give me the relief I need to not be so fuckin' grumpy, maybe I'll let some of their idiotic actions slide, hm?”

Truly, Makoto should protest, or try to run, literally do anything to fight this situation, but he doesn't. For some reason, he feels like…like he wants to see where this goes.

When you yank his pants down and flip up his jacket, he doesn't stop you. When you rest your heavy, leaking cock in between his cheeks and groan like a perv, he's not disgusted by it. When you let go of his head and stuff your fingers in his mouth, his tongue dances in between the spaces of your digits.

It's a surprise to you too, when the smaller human man lifts his ass up, almost inviting you—giving you permission—to fuck him. And you're not about to pass up a cute slut like this.

Makoto's knees shake when you spit on his hole, giving him at least a tiny courtesy before you break his body with your cock. Your tip pushes incessantly at his entrance, adding slippery precum to it as you swipe your cock up and down, then finally slip the head in. The human flinches, nearly causing himself to choke on your fingers, but he recovers just fine and makes no signs of protest.

Soon enough, you're moving a few inches of your length in and out, enjoying the tightness around only a third of your dick. “Sho mush…sho big…” he slurs, unable to properly enunciate with your fingers keeping his mouth occupied. Little does he realize how big your full length is. You push a little more, and the human moans again, drool spilling out from the corners of his mouth while his ass stretches to accommodate the larger girth filling it up.

“Big, yeah? You think this is big, little guy? This ain't even halfway in yet~” you taunt, keeping a tight hold on his waist. At this point, you're confident that he can take plenty more without breaking yet, so you go a little harder until half of your dick is pumping in and out. “Mmm feel that? Now that is halfway in. Feels even better, right?”

“aAahAAAHhhNn–!! gHNH-!” Makoto spasms on the table, whining something unintelligible while his body twitches. Slightly concerned, you ask him what the hell that was all about, but he doesn't answer you. Frustrated, you remove your fingers from his mouth and yank his body up by his hair, forcing him to stand while you inspect the situation.

It only takes a second for you to notice the puddle of translucent white fluid dripping from the edge of the wooden table and onto the ground, with a matching fluid dribbling from Makoto's flushed dick.

“Goddamn– cummin' before me…I haven't even fucked you yet, little guy. Is it that good for you?” you laugh, pulling the human's head back so far that he's forced to look up at you, meeting your gaze with pink cheeks and cloudy eyes.

With a newfound confidence, and a newfound horniness, you decide that your little slut is more than ready to take it all in. Makoto makes a little noise at first, but when you bottom out and, finally, begin thrusting with intent, those noises turn into happy little moans and whimpers. The fucked out look on his face is proof enough that your fat cock is hitting the right places—filling his tummy with butterflies with every long drag against his walls.

Makoto holds onto your arms for dear life, taking your length like the good boy he is, while you rail him with enough force to knock him over, if you weren't holding his smaller body. “Ah-ah-ah-yes-yes-yes-!!” he stutters, smiling like he's on cloud nine. “Ah! Hard-er! Harderharderharder~!!”

When you blow your first load in him, the tightness of Makoto's ass and the strong scent of his hormones are enough to make your eyes roll back. Your hips slam into him a few times to empty all of your cum in there, and each time only brings the human that much closer to a complete mindbreak.

“Ooohhfuck… haah~ That was fuckin' good er- damn, I never got your name, did I?” The human shakes his head 'no', panting as his dick stays stiff as a board, red from cumming a second time.

He mutters something under his breath, but you can't quite make it out. You ask him to repeat it and he replies, “it'sss…Makoto…” in a sleepy, worn out tone.

“Well, Makoto, you think you're up for more?” you're asking, but not really asking…because you're going to fuck him again regardless. After all, all of these dumbass locals keep you stressed out every damn day — at this point, a full 24 hours of sex probably wouldn't be enough, much less one tiny orgasm.

Makoto lazily nods along, grinning up at you while you scratch his scalp affectionately. He has zero time to react as you begin thrusting again, ready to pound his hole until it's permanently molded to your shape.

His ass tightens around you again, and a third round of cum shoots out of his dick as it slaps against his warm body. His dick seems to stay hard even after that, turning redder by the minute, all while you ensure that his ass will be left gaping and oozing with your seed long after you're satisfied.

By the time you fill him up again, Makoto has orgasmed five times before, and his sixth nearly causes his voice to crack as his whole body convulses in your arms — his twitching cock shoots nothing this time, and the human is left with only dry orgasms for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, you have no intentions of stopping yet, even if it means your new human will fall unconscious—he'll still be your fuck doll while he rests.

[bitchy-craft]

PICK A CARD: Their hidden insecurities

Hello and welcome to this new reading! I will tell you the hidden insecurities of your specific person/future spouse. I hope you all enjoy it!

FREE READING: a subscription to my Patreon before February 1st, no matter the tier, will give you a free question of choice.

Masterpost > Paid Readings > Subliminal Channel > PATREON [NEW] > Patreon Masterlist [NEW]

The extended version of this reading can be found on my Patreon, the link of which is here

~pick a card~

Pile 1:

They find it incredibly difficult to believe that there are people that truly care about them. Your SP doesn’t see themselves as someone who is worthy of love sometimes; they don’t really love themselves and therefore find it incredibly difficult to understand that others do see them as a beautiful person. They find it difficult to rely on others because they have no way of grasping the fact people around them are there for them when they need it. Your SP finds it difficult to speak about their issues and internal troubles because of this, that is why they sometimes seem emotionally distant. It doesn’t dawn on them that people are there for them.

Extended reading

Pile 2:

They are insecure about their future and disappointing the people around them. Your SP is someone who is very socially-oriented. They care about the people around them and take their wishes and expectations as something they have to accomplish in life. Not only this, there are people who have certain expectations laid upon them when it comes to what they have to achieve in life, and that lays heavy on their shoulders. Not everything comes easy for them, and some of these expectations they might never be able to achieve because it isn’t something they want to do, or are able to do; something they know deep-down, which makes their worries even worse.

Extended reading

Pile 3:

Your SP is insecure about many things all at once, they don’t have a specific insecurity that is more present than the other. They are insecure about their looks; never really happy with it, convinced they’re too skinny or too fat, that they don’t have enough curves or too many, that their skin isn’t clear enough and has too many imperfections. Due to this they are also afraid they won’t ever find a long-term partner in life even though that is one of their biggest dreams in life. They want a nice, calm, and small family. They might have some hobbies or interests that are not usual and because of that don’t really share it with many people even though it means a lot to them. This makes them feel alone sometimes.

Extended reading

[noxturnals-void]

Slashers with an s/o that has scars

Characters include:

Jason Voorhees, Thomas Hewitt, Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Lester Sinclair, Michael Myers, Jesse Cromeans, Asa Emory

———————————————————————————

Tw: scars, mentions of abuse, mentions of self-harm, toxic relationships, mentions of death/murder, characters being their questionable selves

(The scars are a mix of self-harm and abuse)

This is just a big mix of comfort imagines.

Feel free to add your own thoughts/ideas.

———————————————————————————

Jason Voorhees:

He’s confused when he first sees the marks on your arms and legs. Were you in an accident of some kind? You’d never mentioned anything of the sort before.

He won’t bring it up until he sees more across your shoulders and back.

It takes a long, very awkward conversation on your part to explain when he expresses worry toward the marks on your body.

He understands what abuse is, but mainly in the form of bullying. Having to explain abuse at the hands of people you trusted was much different in his mind.

He’s absolutely heartbroken. How could anyone have hurt you like this?

He will bury the anger he has toward the people who hurt you, very gently pulling you into a hug and squeezing you to his chest.

That’s all in the past now. He’s here. He would never, ever let anything like that happen to you again.

Thomas Hewitt:

Oh, he knows.

He could tell the moment he laid eyes on you that you were just like him. Hiding your arms away and recoiling from anyone who got too close.

He tries not to make a big deal of it. They look old, so he won’t mention it.

That is, until he catches you changing one day. He sees the collection of deep marks across your back. He’s not stupid, he knows you didn’t do those yourself.

This time, he does bring it up. He’s not judgemental. He understands, probably better than anyone in his family.

When you feel comfortable, you share what happened to you.

He doesn’t push for details. He has enough imagination and his own experiences to supplement any information you decide to give.

He just pats you on the head, grunting low. His way of telling you it’s okay. You’re safe from those people.

You’re part of his family now, after all. He will protect you.

Bo Sinclair:

It doesn’t take long for him to notice.

Unlike him, you don’t hide your scars very well.

Maybe it’s because you don’t mind that he sees. Perhaps it’s because you sometimes forget they are part of you. He doesn’t know.

He asks about the scars the next time you two are alone. It catches you so far off guard you freeze.

You explain, trying not to go into too much detail. Someone you trusted hurt you in an unrepairable way. That was something he could understand.

He gets upset on your behalf, something in your story triggering a part of him he thought he’d buried deep down enough not to deal with anymore.

He doesn’t get sappy about his own scars, but he’ll show them to you in an effort to sympathize.

You’re not alone in your feelings. He reassures you that everything will be alright and that it wasn’t your fault. He’ll watch out for you now.

Vincent Sinclair:

He first saw the scars when you posed for him for a quick sketch.

He was tactful, pointing out the marks in a subtle way. When you don’t quite understand what he’s getting at (thinking you might be posing wrong or something), he walks over and uses his wax-coated hands to investigate your skin.

Was it some type of accident? Had someone done this to you? His blood boiled at even the thought of someone hurting you. 

When you opened up about the backstory to your scars, he withheld his emotions from your eyes. He was angry, of course. He wanted to hurt the people who had hurt you.

He holds you in his lap as he continues with his sketch. He doesn’t truly need you to pose for him. Your shape is already burned into the depths of his memory.

He gently massages his hand over the scars on your arms and legs while his other hand sketches.

It’s the closest he can get to telling you how perfect you are. You’re his muse. His heart.

He will never let you feel unprotected. He’ll keep you safe.

Lester Sinclair:

Poor guy is so awkward about bringing it up.

He noticed the marks littering your body some time ago but never dared to ask.

He was already pretty sure of the answer, but he preferred to hear your side of the story before making any assumptions.

Your story breaks his heart little by little. He cries for you, grieved you had gone through what you had.

He holds you, telling you you’re perfect and didn’t deserve what had happened to you. He’s so sorry you went through it.

He’ll whisper affirmations to you for as long as you let him. He is here for you now. You are not alone anymore. It is all in the past.

He’s got you, and he’s never gonna let you go.

Michael Myers:

He likely won’t point them out.

He knows, of course. You’ve changed clothes in front of him on more than one occasion.

Sometimes, if he’s got the mask off, you might catch him staring. Otherwise, you can feel his eyes trace the pattern of marks over your body.

When you talk about it, he listens. He might not sympathize or react emotionally like others do to your story, but he does listen. He does care.

No one but him is allowed to hurt you. The rage of someone else laying their hands on you has him itching for his knife.

Someone you trusted hurt you? What’s their name?You mention a location they frequented in the past. Got it.

He’ll hunt them down within the week.

You won’t question the blood on him when he comes home late a few days later.

He holds you close that night, not allowing you to move from his side until dawn.

You’ll understand his unusually clingy behavior when you hear about a recent murder on the news.

You’re his. They can’t hurt you anymore.

Jesse Cromeans:

He sees the marks across your arms one evening.

His phone drones a partially insensitive joke about the scars, but he sees the way you react to them being mentioned and leaves it be.

He doesn’t talk about them again until you’re ready.

He has a big ego on him, but that doesn’t mean he will force it out of you.

When you do tell him what happened to you, he’s furious. Someone hurt his favorite little piggy?

He’s going to hunt them down. Spann is already in the process of finding their address.

They won’t get a video, though. This isn’t a film; this is revenge.

When everything is said and done, he’s going on a shopping spree. A big bouquet of your favorite flowers, all your favorite treats, and your favorite series/movie in the disc player ready for a long night in.

You’re blissfully unaware of what has happened to cause this treatment, and he will keep it that way.

From then on, he reminds you that your scars do not change how he feels about you. You’re perfect. He made sure they won’t ever harm you again.

Asa Emory:

He’s scarily observant. It didn’t take him long at all to find out.

He asks directly, lacking a certain amount of tact someone else might deploy for this kind of conversation. He’s not one for beating around the bush verbally.

He’s surprisingly understanding when you tell him about your past abuse. He experienced similar things in his youth. He won’t share, of course.

He doesn’t use your scars against you like he would if it were something else deeply personal.

Usually, he’d discover a pressure point such as this and use it to manipulate you subtly. This is not a pressure point he will use often, if at all.

You’re his now. You belong to him in every sense of the word. Whatever scars you gain now will be from him and only him, and only when they’re done intentionally.

You’re his favorite pet in the collection. The marks across your body don’t detract from your value in his eyes.

He will create masterful works of art out of your past, enmeshing it with your future with him.

[fleurriee]

from the dirty lil compliments list i bring to u ❛  you have the most perfect tits.  ❜

we’re so back!!! first neteyam drabble in a while…. i want nete to do this to me. pls, i beg 😩 tysm for requesting anon!!

pairing ; neteyam x fem!reader

summary ; neteyam could never stay too long away from you, especially when it comes to your tits.

themes ; explicit content: titty squeezing, illusions/mentions of p in v sex…

During the middle of the night, you almost always find the best comfort in the midnight breeze, the way the winds caress gently upon your skin and there’s nothing other than the forest-life around you to catch in your ears.

It’s why, more often than not, you find yourself sat in the middle of your tent, weaving random little things as you kept your mind occupied. Sometimes you struggled to succumb to sleep when your thoughts were so raging, and sometimes you sought out the idea of staying up later just so you could experience this.

There was something about being completely free with it all, too, of being vulnerable. You shared your tent with your mate, Neteyam, and after being mated now for years, there was nothing that couldn’t be shared between the two of you, nothing that could stop the love for one another.

So, going to sleep naked, and waking up and completing small chores before your day truly began, was normal for the two of you. It brought about a vulnerability that could only be shared between two mates than irrevocably loved one another. There were no fears, no insecurities - just pure, gentle love.

And, now, as time seemed to slow down just a little, soft caresses against your skin whilst you smoothly hummed your songcord to yourself, you didn’t take notice of the other noises shifting behind you.

Except, when a small grunt sounded out, extremely close to you, and then an entire figure sitting directly behind you, pulling you flush against his front did you realise what was happening. Neteyam had woken up and spotted your disappearance. He wasn’t clingy, per say, but one of his favourite things would always be to fall asleep with you tangled in his embrace, so unbelievably close, you simply couldn’t be two separate people.

That’s why you’re not entirely shocked when he presses you up against him, forcing his face between the dip of your neck, inhaling deeply. A soft chuckle escapes your lips at your mate’s antics, loving the feel of him being so clingy. You bring your hand up to caress the side of his face, inadvertently bringing him closer, whilst his own arms wrap themselves tight around your waist.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” You question, knowing that such a situation has occurred before. You hope it was the reason this time, as Neteyam needs to be up fairly early in the morning to meet his father.

A sigh breathes against the skin of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. “No,” he pauses, no doubt too sleepy to really understand his surroundings, “I missed you…”

His words resonated within you and cut deep within your core, wanting to tattoo them on your skin and never forget them. Still, even when they were so incredibly loving, you couldn’t help but laugh at him. “I haven’t been out of bed for long.”

“Still,” he’s adamant, squeezing you tighter within his embrace. Then, his fingers start dancing against your skin, sending gentle patterns along your stomach. They travel higher and higher at an agonisingly slow pace, until they’re so close to your chest, you can practically feel his phantom touches.

For a moment, you think he’s just teasing you like he loves to do to you, but it’s obvious how truly sleepy he is when he takes both of your boobs within his grasps, and squeezes them. Before you can help it, a soft moan falls from your lips, closing your eyes in bliss at his sudden actions. “You have the most perfect tits.”

His voice is nothing but husky and guttural now, full of both love and lust all for you. Your insides are churning, a knot that feels so unbelievably amazing forming at the bottom of your stomach. So badly do you want to give into him, but you know there’s a possibility he’ll regret it in the morning if he doesn’t get enough sleep.

“‘Teyam…” you start, wanting to sound confident and strong, but it comes out like you’re moaning his name. It’s obvious he’s enjoying himself, too, by the way he squeezes you tighter and a low growl sounds from the back of his throat. You swallow deeply, “‘Teyam, you need to be up in the morning…”

“That’s okay,” he whispers, now starting to pepper sultry kisses against the skin of your neck. “I don’t mind being a little late if it means I get to devour you whole, yawne (beloved)…”

Another moan sounds from your lips, and that’s when he knows you’re putty in his hands.

[esotericalchemist]

𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰.

TikTok (Matrix of Destiny) - Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)

Disclaimer:

This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Remember, you are always in control of your own life and choices. Take what resonates with you, and leave what does not. If you are sensitive to spiritual psychosis or feel overwhelmed by spiritual content, please prioritize your well-being and scroll away.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

Cards:  9 of Swords, 6 of Wands, Justice rx, Knight of Cups rx, 3 of Cups, 4 of Swords

Okay so, I am seeing two scenarios;

Scenario 1:

You recently walked away from someone or something. This could have been an old friend, family member, colleague, workplace, or anyone or anything that no longer aligned with your values and standards. For some of you, the situation involved accusations or conflict. You may have felt deeply wronged, and no matter what you did, the other person refused to believe your side of the story. Perhaps they thought you had spoken ill of them to others, betrayed their secrets, or something along those lines.

Whatever the case, it brought you significant anxiety and a sense of hopelessness. You knew deep down you were innocent, yet you were still accused. After many sleepless nights, both figuratively and literally, you made the tough decision to part ways with this person. The reason behind their behavior may remain unclear to you, but this experience likely taught you something important: it doesn’t always matter why someone acts the way they do. What matters is that you respect yourself enough to walk away from toxic relationships and choose your own path.

There is so much positivity and genuine connection waiting for you ahead. Take this time to reflect on what this situation taught you. Rest, identify your boundaries when it comes to others’ behavior, and prepare to move forward. Whatever you do, don’t isolate yourself completely. Healing and growth await you when you open yourself up to new, healthy relationships.

Scenario 2:

There’s someone in your life with whom you need to part ways, but you’re hesitating. This hesitation could stem from fear of them or a fear of being left completely alone. For some of you, this person might be a friend, but for many, it could be a partner, parent, or sibling.

This person is highly manipulative and often moody. They remind me of someone who walks into a room and completely changes the energy, but not in a good way. It’s as if they drain all the positivity from the space. They are rarely honest, excessively temperamental, and highly manipulative. To the outside world, they know how to present themselves in the best light, but you know who they truly are.

You’ve likely confronted this person about their behavior numerous times, but they constantly deflect by playing the victim. Statements like, “Oh, I had a hard childhood; that’s why I’m like this,” or, “I didn’t mean it like that… Nobody understands me,” are common responses. This leaves you feeling trapped and hopeless, as if you’re stuck in a cycle you can’t escape.

There’s also a sense of dependency here. If this person is a friend, you might fear being alone without them. If it’s a partner, you may rely on them emotionally or financially. If it’s a parent, you might depend on them for shelter or stability.

Here’s the advice:

If this is a friend: Walk away. It’s better to enjoy your own company than feel lonely while surrounded by others.

If this is a manipulative partner: End the relationship. Please don’t prolong your suffering.

If this is someone you rely on financially or for shelter: I understand it may be difficult to leave, especially if you’re still a minor or bound by cultural expectations. In this case, focus on creating emotional distance. Observe their behavior without reacting to it. Don’t let their words or actions affect you. Slowly, step by step, work towards breaking free from this dependency.

By taking these steps, I promise a journey of peace and rest is waiting for you. A better chapter lies ahead—you just need to take that first step.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

Cards: 10 of Wands, Page of Wands (neutral), 5 of Cups rx, the Devil rx, Wheel of Fortune, Knight of Swords

Ah, pile 2… I write this with a warm heart and a smile because this is the “everything depends on you” pile.

Your childhood was marked by responsibilities far beyond what a child should bear. You were juggling school, household duties, caring for siblings, helping your parents—managing far too much for someone so young. Instead of seeing the world as boundless, as children often do, you learned to see it through the limits imposed by these burdens.

This sense of wonder and innocence was overshadowed by adult cynicism—something that has no place in a child’s world but was, unfortunately, present in yours. Over time, this stole your trust—trust in the world, trust in the universe, and even trust in yourself. But trust is precisely what our inner child craves: the belief that everything will be okay, that tomorrow will come even if we can’t be sure of it, and that our dreams can become reality.

Instead, this trust was replaced by frustration. These limitations, both imposed by the outside world and reinforced by your own beliefs, made it impossible for you to truly connect with your inner child. You may have developed feelings of resentment—toward your parents, yourself, those around you, and even your childhood as a whole.

Lately, you’ve embarked on a deep journey of self-reflection. Perhaps you’ve done shadow work, meditated, read self-help books, listened to insightful podcasts, or simply spent time sitting with your thoughts. Whatever path you’ve taken, you’ve reached a profound realization: the past is the past. What happened, happened. What didn’t happen, didn’t.

Rather than spending your energy pointing fingers at others or at life, you’ve chosen to redirect that energy and walk forward on your own path. This is a monumental step, one not everyone can take, and you should be incredibly proud of yourself.

By accepting the past for what it is, you’ve freed yourself from the self-imposed limitations that once held you back. Like the Wheel of Fortune, you’ve realized that everything unfolded as it was meant to. The wheel turns, and while it sometimes brings us to our darkest moments, it always keeps moving, eventually leading us back into the light. What you do with this light is now entirely up to you.

You’ve decided to chase the light of your inner child once more. Maybe this means pursuing a career or study you dreamed of as a child. Perhaps it’s bringing a creative idea to life that once filled you with excitement. Or it could simply be spending time with yourself, nurturing the love you always needed but didn’t receive as a child.

Whatever this path looks like for you, it’s clear that you’re excited about what lies ahead. You’re stepping into a journey of discovery, a path where you’ll reconnect with your true self. And here’s the truth: everything you need to realize your inner child’s dreams is already within you.

The word itself, “inner-child,” reminds us that this part of us lives inside. You already have all the ideas, passion, and potential. If you’re worried about not having the skills, trust that they’ll come naturally as you remain fearless and ambitious.

Destiny and luck are on your side now. As you move forward, don’t let future setbacks limit you. You are a free spirit, and this freedom will carry you to places you never imagined. Trust yourself—you’ve got this.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

Cards: the High Priestess rx, Ace of Pentacles, the Moon, Wheel of Fortune, King of Wands, Knight of Pentacles rx

Okay, pile 3, it’s time to get real.

In the past, you’ve struggled with feelings of jealousy or envy toward the success of others—and deep down, you’ve been aware of it. When you saw someone achieving their dreams, your mind may have spiraled into creating reasons to downplay their success, comforting your ego with rationalizations. But every time, you caught yourself and likely wondered, “Why do I think this way? Where are these feelings coming from?”

These thoughts don’t align with your true character, and you know it. So why do they surface? The answer is simple: fear. When you felt these emotions, it wasn’t about material things like money, cars, or popularity. No, what truly triggered you was seeing someone fearless—someone chasing their dreams relentlessly, working hard for their success, and not shying away from attention or the spotlight. You weren’t envious of what they had; you were envious of their fearlessness, their clarity, and their determination.

For a long time, you’ve felt dissatisfied with your life. The High Priestess Reversed and The Moon suggest you’ve been stuck in an illusion, believing that “better things will come someday.” But here’s the harsh truth: how can better things come if you don’t take action to make them happen?

Sure, you may have liked manifestation videos, created vision boards, or written out scripts of the life you want. And that’s great—those tools are valuable. But manifestation without action is just daydreaming. Dreams will remain dreams until you conquer your fear and start working toward them.

The fact that you’ve felt jealousy or envy toward others is actually a signal. It’s proof that there’s something within you—an untapped potential, a dream, or an aspiration—that you haven’t realized yet. As Carl Jung famously said: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”

Now is the time to confront those unconscious fears and insecurities. It’s time to take control of your destiny and steer your own Wheel of Fortune. You’ve manifested and dreamed enough—it’s time to act.

The Ace of Pentacles is a reminder that opportunities for growth and prosperity are all around you, but you need to seize them. If there aren’t any opportunities right now? Create them yourself. You hold the power to shape your own fortune.

True prosperity doesn’t always mean material wealth. Sometimes, it’s about being content with who you are and letting go of jealousy and resentment toward others. But before you can reach this contentment, you must tap into your inner strength and confront your shadow side.

The King of Wands and Knight of Pentacles Reversed offer guidance here:

King of Wands: Embrace confidence, leadership, and boldness. You have the potential to dream big and turn those dreams into reality—but it requires courage.

Knight of Pentacles Reversed: Stop procrastinating or waiting for the “perfect” time to act. Perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.

Use your dissatisfaction as fuel to move forward. Reflect on where your feelings of jealousy or envy come from, and channel that energy into motivation.

The journey ahead is one of hard work and self-awareness, but the reward is immense. You have everything you need within you to transform your life and chase your dreams. Trust yourself, confront your fears, and know that you are capable of creating a life you’ll be proud of.

TikTok (Matrix of Destiny) - Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)

[d-targaryenshoe]

Sweetest Affaire - Anthony Bridgerton

Word count: 1132

Summary: Two lovers are not precisely acceptable when one is wed, would you not agree?

You were certain that you had been the luckiest woman alive when you had married Anthony Bridgerton. 

His smile could light up a room, and his eyes seemed to hold a thousand secrets.

 He was charming and witty, and even after all these years, you still felt a flutter in your stomach whenever he touched you.

 But there was a part of you that ached, a part that felt unfulfilled. You knew that he was still seeing Sienna.

Your marriage had been a love match, of that you were certain, but Anthony seemed to think that he could have his way do so too.

 He believed that he could love you and Sienna at the same time and that you would both be content with your arrangement.

 You, however, weren't not so sure. You knew in your heart that you couldn't compete with the other women, not when Sienna was everything that you weren't.

Your bed had grown cold over the years, your passionate nights a distant memory. 

Anthony spent more time with Sienna than he did with you, and it hurt.

 It hurt deep in your soul to see the way he looked at you, the way he touched you, the way he whispered sweet nothings into your ear.

 It was as if he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else that he truly loved you.

You tried to be understanding, to accept the situation for what it was, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. 

You loved Anthony with all your heart, but you couldn't help but feel like you were nothing more than his suitable wife. 

The thought of losing him to Sienna, of watching him walk down the aisle with another woman, was enough to make you want to scream. 

You knew that you needed to do something, but you didn't know what. 

All you could do was pray that fate would intervene, that something would change and that Anthony would finally see you for who you truly were.

The only woman he had ever loved and the only woman he would ever need.

Meanwhile, Anthony continued to lead a double life. He loved you both but in different ways.

Sienna was his passion, his fire. 

She made him feel alive, made him feel like he could conquer the world. With her, he felt free and uninhibited.

 You, on the other hand, were his comfort, his anchor. You were the woman he could rely on, the woman he could come home to. 

You were the mother of his children, the woman who knew him better than anyone else.

 He tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing, that he could make you both happy, but deep down, he knew that he was lying to himself. 

He was in denial, refusing to accept the truth of his feelings.

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months. The tension between you both grew thicker with each passing moment.

 You tried your best to ignore the signs, to pretend that everything was fine, but you could feel Anthony pulling away from you.

 You knew that he was preparing himself for a future without you, and it hurt you more than anything else ever had.

 You wanted to confront him, to demand the truth, but you were afraid of what might happen if you did. You were afraid of losing him completely.

One night, as you both argued about some trivial matter in your bedroom, Anthony said something so cruel, so hurtful that it cut you to the core.

 He accused you of being selfish, of only caring about yourself, of not understanding the depth of his love for Sienna. 

The words stung like a slap across the face, and for the first time in your marriage, you felt truly defeated. 

You looked up at Anthony, tears streaming down your cheeks, and you knew that this was the end. 

You couldn't take anymore.

With strength you didn't know you possessed, you pushed past him and walked out of the room. 

You didn't stop until you reached the safety of your own chamber. There, you collapsed onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably.

 It felt as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders as if you had finally found the courage to face the truth. 

You knew that you couldn't go on living this way, pretending that everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. 

You needed to do something, anything, to make Anthony see the error of his ways.

You had been ignoring him for months.

Anthony began to rummage through your memories, desperate to understand where it all went wrong. 

He recalled the countless missed dinners and moments, the times he had chosen business over quiet nights in front of the fireplace. 

He realized he had ignored the very foundation of love and companionship you had built.

Determined to make amends for his shortcomings, Anthony concocted a plan, ever since he left Sienna.

 He decided to gather you and Eloise, who held an opinion highly valued by both of you, for a heartfelt conversation. 

Anthony wanted to beg for forgiveness, to show you how sorry he truly was.

Eloise, a woman of immense grace and wisdom, agreed to mediate your meeting.

 She understood the depth of Anthony's guilt when it came to Sienna, but she also harbored resentment towards her brother. 

She saw how you had suffered silently, and the anger welled up within her, making it difficult to suppress.

You were gathered in the sitting room, a pot of steaming tea placed between them. 

Anthony's palms were clammy with nervousness as his eyes met yours for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

"I cannot begin to express how sorry I am, y/n," Anthony pleaded, his voice laced with genuine remorse. 

"I see now how I have neglected you, and I swear to make things right, forgive me."

Your eyes brimming with unshed tears, regarded him with a mix of sadness and apprehension.

 You had built walls around your heart, walls that had shielded you from the pain of feeling unloved. 

But Anthony's request broke through those barriers, stirring up a mix of hope and trepidation within you.

Eloise, unable to hide her anger towards her brother, interjected sharply.

"Anthony, by all gods, you have caused Mother and Y/n an immense heartache. Your words alone are not enough. You must prove your love through actions, day in and day out. Only then will forgiveness be earned."

Anthony, aware of his sister's anger and knowing she had a point, nodded earnestly. 

"You're right, El. I have taken y/n's love for granted for far too long. I am willing to do whatever it takes to regain her trust and rebuild the love we once had."

[shibaincubus]

How to stop being a doormat.-

-> . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [By a healed people pleaser] ࿐ྂ

Being nice to others is not a bad trait, but becoming THE NICE GIRL is.

Excessive people pleasing brings you nowhere and makes you vulnerable to becoming a doormat, disrespect, and sacrificing yourself.

People pleasing isn’t just about being nice to everyone all the time; it actually messes with your head and how you think about yourself deep down. 

We can look at people pleasing from an conscious and subconscious side.

Conscious People pleasing

This is what we typically associate with people pleasing:

You can't say no: Every request feels like an obligation.

You prioritize others over yourself: Your needs take a backseat.

You apologize for everything: Even when it’s unnecessary.

You avoid conflicts: Peace at any cost, right?

You make yourself small: Shrinking your presence to fit in.

Subconscious people pleasing

This is the impact people pleasing has on your mindset and behaviours

While breaking people pleasing one should focus here more

Servant mindset -> catering to others drains your energy.

Emulating others ->  You lose sight of who you truly are.

Seeking validation: "I need to be ... to get validation 'love' from others

Ignoring your feelings: Suppressing your emotions to keep the peace.

Feeling judged: Worrying about what others think of you.

Anxiousness about acceptance: "Do they really like me?"

The Why of People pleasing

The first step in breaking free is understanding why you engage in people pleasing.

Here are some common reasons:

You might be people pleasing because of...

Anxiety: fear of disappointing others or rejection

Low self esteem: "pleasing others is the only way to get acceptance and love"

Past trauma: can link others' needs to safety and affection

Cultural or family expectations: Pressure from those around you.

Perfectionism:  The need to be flawless in the eyes of others.

Insecurity: Doubting your own worthiness.

Avoidance of Conflict: Preferring peace over confrontation.

To get the exact cause you should also utilise journaling.

Use 15 min. for three or more of these journaling prompts each

Does People pleasing really help me? How do I feel when I please people? Happy or drained?

Do I get something back by pleasing people. Is it one sided?

What is my earliest memory of people pleasing? Why did I decide to please people at that time?

How do I perceive the people that I please in reality? Do I even like them.

What is the thing I really want in this situation that I might feel too scared, vulnerable, or ashamed to ask for?

What is one thing that I'm scared people will think of me, and how is this actually true and useful for me?

What do I want to change about my people pleasing habit

This reflection makes it clear why we do it and what caused people pleasing to be ingrained in us in the first place.

Recovering from People pleasing

Start small.-

Begin by setting boundaries in low stakes situations

declining invitations to events etc.

declining requests that you don't have time or desire to do

Gradually work yourself up to more significant situations practicing assertiveness along the way.

Learn to tolerate discomfort

Recognise that asserting yourself and setting boundaries may initially feel uncomfortable or cause anxiety

Embrace the discomfort as a sign of growth and remind yourself that it's necessary to prioritize your own well being.

Strengthen your sense of self

When we are people pleasing we are placing our self worth on another person

With journaling, self care, setting personal goals and new hobbies, you can construct and identity independent of others opinions.

The Intention Interrogation

Ask yourself a specific question before agreeing to a request:

"Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I'm afraid of potential consequences?" 

This can delay automatic people pleasing reflexes

Cut toxic people off

If someone is using you for their gain, it’s time to create distance.

Limit your availability and emotional investment

Create space between yourself and toxic relationships

And Trust your instincts

The 24-Hour Rule

Make it a commitment to not immediately respond to requests.

Give yourself a full day and then decide if you actually want to do this.

Get therapy

If people pleasing has a deep impact socially or otherwise on you consider therapy

It's really helpful against people pleasing if nothing else helps

That's it lovelies

People pleasing is a destructive social mechanism of ours that we developed in young years.

Unfolding these behaviours and taking a stance against pleasing others frees ourself for positive change and levelling ourselves up

[voxslays]

FAMILY REUNION

Featuring >>> Lucifer x Reader; In which, an attempt to kill baby Charlie goes south. Resulting in a soporific curse placed upon the reader, who struggles to deal with the aftermath of its affects.

Part Five Part Seven

A/N: Last depressing chapter for Luci I promise!!! Trust, also smallllllll timeskip lol.

Things couldn’t have been better for Lucifer Morningstar.

In the past six months, not only had he come out of hiding, rekindled his relationship with his daughter, and shown both heaven and hell why he was called the prince of darkness (and king of hell), he had truly almost forgotten about the sorrows he had faced in the last few years. He was finally free from the depressing slump he had suffered through—until Charlie had moved one of your family portraits to the lobby of the hotel.

Suddenly it all came rushing back to him. The stress, the depression, you—it was all too much at once. Yet, Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to ask Charlie to put the painting back in the darkness. For all the pain it brings, it also brought Luci peace. The sight of your gorgeous smile and pretty eyes—or your outfit and jewelry. It was like he was reliving that day.

In the painting, Charlie was only about three or four. Yet, Lucifer still remembers how she calmly sat still next to you and Lucifer the entire time, it was strange. Charlie was wearing a cute little red sundress, which matched Lucifer’s crimson suit and the burgundy ribbon on your sunhat. You were wearing Ruby red shoes which matched Charlie’s mini Mary-Jane’s. Charlie looked so happy, completely oblivious to all the pain…oh Charlie.

Lucifer knew he needed to come clean and tell her the truth…but it was hard. "How do I tell her?" Lucifer sorrowfully ponders aloud. “Tell who what?” Charlie popped out from behind her dad, scaring him shitless. Luci jumps slightly, his hand flying to his chest as he turns to see his now twenty-three year old daughter. A small smile grows on a his face as he tries to hide his startled expression. "Char-Char…ducky, can you sit down for a minute?" He says, his tone soft but serious. “Sure dad.”

Lucifer motions for her to take a seat on the couch in the parlor before goofily sitting next to her, crossing his arms over his chest. He takes a deep breath before beginning. "I need to talk to you about something important.” Lucifer sighs, “Something I should have told you a long time ago." His expression turns serious, his brow furrowing slightly as he tries to find the right words to say. "Charlie, there's something I've been keeping from you…a truth that you deserve to know.” He pauses.

“It's about your mother."

“What about mom?” Charlie’s expression turns serious. He sighs heavily, running a hand through his golden-blonde hair before continuing. "Charlie, your mother…she didn’t randomly disappear one day…” Charlie sits there silent, a confused and dejected expression on her face. “What?” Luce hesitates for a moment, his heart aching at the thought of hurting his daughter. But he knows it's time for her to know the truth. "She didn't leave us, Charlie. She was cursed."

“Cursed? What do you mean dad?” Charlie’s golden eyes shine with unshed tears. Lucifer’s heart breaks (even more) at the sight of his daughter's tears, but he presses on, needing to get the whole truth out. "A sleeping curse. I tried everything to break it, to save her, but…"

“Where is she now? Is she still asleep-“ Charlie keeps asking question after question, trying to understand the very confusing situation her father hid from her. "She's…at the palace. In her private quarters.” Lucifer wipes his tears. “I couldn't bear to separate from her completely, but also…I was afraid to tell you." His voice cracks with emotion. Charlie pulls him into a tight hug. “It’s okay dad.”

Luci hugs his daughter back tightly, sobbing into her shoulder. "Charlie, you can see her but…she's not awake." He pulls back to look at his daughter's face. “I can?” He nods, wiping away his tears. "Yes. Yes, you can." Lucifer stands up, holding out his hand to his daughter as he creates one of his signature golden portals, and the two of them step into the atrium together.

The familiar scent of apples, flowers—and most importantly, roses—fills the air. There are petite golden butterflies fluttering from place to place, breathing life into the peristyle-like room. In the center, a golden fountain, surrounded by apple trees that grew golden apples reminiscent of the ones that grew in Eden. And all around are rose bushes. Red, pink, white, gold. The colors blend together as they surround the room.

Lucifer slowly walks to the glass casket in the center of the bright atrium, followed by Charlie. The casket is made of beautiful, clear glass, with rose vines wrapped around it. Inside, lies a beautiful figure with h/c hair, sleeping peacefully. Their features are soft, and it looks almost like they’re just napping. Lucifer turns to Charlie. "This is your mother…" You look almost exactly like Charlie remembers you. It’s almost as if within the seven years since your disappearance, no time had passed at all.

Charlie stares at your semi-lifeless body. She memorized your features, how your hair lays, the rosiness of your cheeks, how your chest rises and falls gently with each breath, but your eyes remain closed. “Oh mom…” Charlie gently mutters. Your hand gently rests on top of your stomach, your ring finger still adorned with the golden wedding ring Lucifer gave you all those years ago. She reaches out to touch the glass, her reflection showing in it.

Charlie takes one last look at you before turning back to her father, tears in her golden eyes, her red pupils looking straight into his heart and soul. “We have to find a way to wake her up.” Charlie says, gently wiping away her tears as she looks down at Lucifer. Sighing deeply, Luci runs a hand through his hair sadly, unshed tears glimmering in his aureate eyes. "I've tried everything, Charlie. Every spell, every potion, every deal…nothing worked.” Lucifer takes a deep breath before continuing. “The curse is too powerful.”

“There has to be something.” Lucifer looks at her, sadness clouding his golden eyes. Afterall, he does see you in her. Not by appearance—Charlie takes after him in that department—but by disposition. "Maybe…” Lucifer pauses, taking a shaky breath. “Maybe you'll find something I missed." He places a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Maybe I will.”

[eufezco]

cw/ smut (handjob), cheating, age gap

𓂃 𓈒 ❀ declan o'hara is just a touch starved man. of course we've seen him in the show having sex with maud but it's him touching her every time. so there's no way he can stop himself when you grip his tie and tug him toward you, pulling him between your thighs as you perched on the edge of his desk.

declan's hand closed firmly around your wrist as your fingers began to undo the knot of his tie. for god's sake, he was a married man and twice your age. he should step back, say something but he didn't and your eyes were still locked. none of you said a word. his jaw tightened, his lips parted as if to speak, but no words came, his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. he let go of the grip on your wrist and your thighs closed around his body, squeezing him closer to you. declan's face tightened with frustration, anger flickering in his eyes. you knew exactly what you were doing and you were doing it because you knew he wouldn't be able to tell you to stop.

your fingers slipped under the loosened tie, slowly working at the buttons of his shirt. every time you undid another button, a reason flashed through declan’s mind as to why he shouldn’t be allowing this. taggie. caitlin. patrick. maud. you could be his daughter. he could lose his job. your fingers worked the last button free, the fabric parting and revealing his body. his breath hitched once your palms made contact with the hot hairy skin of his chest and in that moment you realized how touch-deprived he truly was.

declan was gentleman, always keeping his intimate life with maud very private. when the men in the office made comments about their wives, joking and definitely oversharing, declan would simply laugh along, only adding that his intimate life with maud was more than satisfying. but was that true? by the way he was melting under your touch you'd swear that something was missing, something that declan was craving and that his wife wasn't giving to him.

your hands started traveling down his body and declan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. he felt shame for letting himself go this far, not only for being in this position but also with someone his daughter's age. you reached the waistband of his pants. his eyes were now fixed on your hands as you unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. your eyes were still locked on his face. so handsome, so manly, effortlessly charming declan o'hara.

since your first day working with declan as his assistant, you knew that you'd have him. the subtle glances across the office, the way you moved closer than necessary when handing him documents, the way your fingers worked on his shoulders after an argument with tony... you played carefully, letting the tension between you both build slowly, making him crave more without even realizing it.

and then declan introduced you to maud and taggie at that stupid christmas party, clearly hoping that it would put an end to this thing going on between you and him, that you'd realize that he was a married man with boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. but if anything, it only made the situation worse. there was nothing you hated more than something you couldn't have. it wasn’t just about declan anymore, it was about the challenge, the forbidden territory. seeing him standing there, playing the role of devoted husband and loving father, only made you want him more.

maud was pretentious, an attention seeker who wanted the admiration of any man other than her husband. her gaze never stayed on declan for long, always on the lookout for someone else to give her the validation she needed. you'd be more than happy to take her place. you didn’t need attention from any man, just his.

taggie, on the other hand, was innocent, too naive to understand your intentions with declan. he always said that you two would be good friends, but honestly, friendship was the last thing on your mind. you weren’t interested in bonding with her when your true desire was focused on getting closer to her dad.

you licked you hand before slipping it into his underwear and he gasped when your fingers wrapped around him. your other hand grabbed his cheeks, squeezing his face and forcing him to look at you. it was not maud who was touching him, it was you. you wanted declan to remember it very well later when he got home and lay in bed next to her, when guilt consumed him in the quiet of the night, you wanted him to feel your touch every time he closed his eyes.

your hand moved up and down, painfully slow. his lips parted, his eyes focused on your mouth. declan leaned in, but as his lips were about to brush against yours, you dodged him, leaning back with a malicious smirk on your lips. he'd never been much of a tease himself so he expected the same from his partner but you, all you had been doing is teasing him since the day you met and for someone who thrived on control, it was equal parts frustrating and intoxicating.

declan huffed, trying to hold back all the sounds he wanted to let out. his jaw tightened, his hand gripping hard the edge of the desk. he let his forehead rest on your shoulder, your hand kept moving inside his underwear at the same slow pace. the last person in the corinium building left hours ago, it was just the two of you. you were supposed to be working on questions for his next interview. you told your mom you’d be home late, declan told maud and taggie the same.

you heard him grunt and curse against the skin on your neck, his hot breath sent shivers down your spine and you felt your tough-girl facade begin to crumble. you'd been so determined to make it seem like you were the one in control, like he was the one desperate for this to finally happen but the truth was that you needed him just as much. even more maybe.

declan started kissing your neck, your lips parted. his mustache tickled your skin, his mouth left wet kisses all over your neck. your legs wrapped around him tighter as one of his hands moved to hold your hips in place while his other one squeezed the flesh of your thigh, making you let out a soft whine. your free hand moved to the back of his head, fingers knotting them into the dark curls of his hair. declan gave you a trail of kisses from your neck up to the corner of your mouth, you had to bit down your lower lip and he had to stop a few times, pressing his lips together and closing his eyes shut as your hand inside his pants moved faster.

he stopped right before he reached your lips and you couldn’t help the frustration build inside you as you asked yourself why he didn't keep going. but then you remembered, you were the one who had dodged him. you had set that boundary, he thought that you didn’t want him to cross that line, even if it left him aching for more. and gosh, the fact that declan was willing to go as far as you'd be comfortable with made him even sexier, if possible.

with your hand on the back of his head, you guided his lips to yours. declan did not hesitate for a moment. he moaned into your mouth as he kissed you back and you swallowed each of his sounds. who would've thought that ruthless charismatic journalist declan o'hara was one to moan. those sweet sounds turned into heavy and uncontrollable breaths as his eyes closed shut and let out some curses through his gritted teeth. his hand on your thigh squeezed you harder and you were sure his fingers would leave marks on you.

declan came with a groan straight from his chest. you felt your hand wet as he rested his forehead on your shoulder, catching his breath. you smiled, satisfied, you finally had him where you wanted and you knew that now neither one of you could stop.

with a little jump, you got down from his desk. he was still flustered, cheeks red, a thin sweat glistened on his forehead and some of his curls had fallen loose. declan stood there with his shirt hanging open, his broad and hairy chest fully exposed to you. you had to press your thighs together in an attempt to ease what seeing him so vulnerable was making you feel. you rested your hands on his chest, for your own pleasure, and gave a quick kiss to his lips.

—see you tomorrow, declan.

[asterafroditis]

𐔌 . ⋮ learn to let me go .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

☓┆Malleus Draconia x gn! reader

𓏵 381 words

ᝰ.ᐟ 3rd Person POV, no pronouns used, established relationship with reader, angst, hurt/comfort

finally got around to making a Malleus fic! feel free to like, reblog, or comment!

ᝰ.ᐟ masterlist

Malleus has always known that humans are fragile things. Your existence, compared to his, is fleeting—like a firefly’s glow in the vast night sky. But knowing and accepting are two different things.

When he placed the curse upon the world, freezing everything in eternal slumber, he told himself it was for their sake. For the safety of those who feared him, for a world that would no longer need to change. But deep down, he knew—there was another, more selfish reason.

You.

If time never moved forward, then you could never leave him. Your warmth would never fade, your voice would never become a distant memory.

But when you stood before him, unaffected by the curse, your eyes full of sadness instead of fear, he realized—this was not what you wanted.

"Malleus," you whispered, stepping closer. "Why are you doing this?"

His hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Because time is cruel," he admitted, voice quiet but heavy. "Because one day, you will be gone, and I will be alone again."

You looked at him—not with pity, not with fear, but with something far more painful. Understanding.

"I won't be here forever, Malleus. I know that," you said gently. "But that doesn’t mean we should stop moving forward."

He turned away. "And when you are no longer by my side? What then?"

Your fingers reached for his, intertwining with his own. "Then you remember me. You carry me with you, even when I'm gone."

Malleus trembled. He had faced centuries of solitude, endured the weight of his bloodline and duty. And yet, the thought of losing you was the only thing that truly terrified him.

But as you held his hand, unwavering, he realized—freezing the world in time would not save him from the pain of loss. It would only trap him in an endless, hollow dream.

Slowly, he exhaled, his grip on your hand tightening, as if grounding himself in your presence. "You are cruel," he murmured, but there was no malice in his voice. Only love. "To make me love you, and then ask me to let you go."

You smiled, pressing your forehead against his. "Then love me while I'm here."

And for the first time in what felt like eternity, Malleus let time move forward again.

[thatfrailsoul]

– Nourishing your soul, treasuring your bonds

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

("Sleeping Beauty in the Wood", Maxfield Parrish)

It is already challenging enough to find within ourselves the courage to be who we want, who we truly are... Enough to assume that once done that - there is nothing, no one, else to worry about... And yet here you are. Pressured by this doubt that you shouldn't have in the first place. The one that choosing your own self - your goal, desires, your needs - might be not right for you, or even worse... not aligned with the path of your loved ones.

So... are you doing the right thing by choosing yourself? Will the ones you cherish understand and help you with this journey? Will your paths still remain aligned, side by side? Can you really do this for yourself, without being forced to say to them goodby?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, calling so strongly your heart. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

_

A little message to the beautiful soul that requested this reading: Your questions truly moved me. I felt them deep down, as I too asked myself the same things so many times... So I wanted to do my best by looking closely at each question on your mind. It will be a slightly long reading... But I hope that it will give you the clarity that you are trying to find.

_

– Pile One,

three of swords, six of cups, the hermit

When we are growing, feeling the real change in ourselves, in the parts of us that for so long we didn't take care of and forgot... It is inevitable to feel more deeply, to see things that we never noticed before. In the world around us. In our life. In the people by our side. It is inevitable to, suddenly, feel resistance, perhaps judgment from some and even concern from others... Exactly in those things and actions that are so connected to us feeling better, stronger, more confident about what we deserve and who we are...

And it's confusing, you know. First comes the hurt and frustration, of doing all this work but not being seen, congratulated, appreciated for the new aura radiating from us and that makes us so proud. Almost like they don't like and don't want the better version of us... Then comes in the doubt and fear that it is the truth. That what you know for sure is the best thing for you... It's something that is so inconvenient for them. That perhaps, unconsciously, you once again became fond of people that were just so good at wearing a mask. Hiding underneath their true them, that is so different from who you want by your side and who you want to become.

And all of these doubts and convictions are so overwhelming for your mind. The only place where you have the courage to think about it, to consider, to try to find a solution... Because just speaking up and asking them about it out loud... feels so risky, so dangerous. Something that will be the end of a bond that perhaps is completely fine, and that you are complicating on your own in your mind.

But the thing is... Although we can indeed sometimes misunderstand one intention for another, through their actions or their words... There are only so many times that you can wrongly read the room or their tone while they are speaking their mind. Even if you convince yourself that sometimes you are a little too defensive or feeling a little "too much"... you are not naive. You are not completely new to this world. You already had these doubts, these uneasy feelings, these intuitions or fears about those by your side. It's not the first time that you are being supported on your decisions or journeys, and in the same way it's not the first time that you discover that someone is not in fact your "ride or die".

And this exact fact that it is not the first time, of fearing to need to let go of someone, being so affectionate but at the same time aware that you are for some reason not aligned, makes it all so incredibly hard... that you wander if perhaps making a step back and leaving the things the way they were, might be better than creating so many changes and chaos in your life.

But you are doing the right thing, you really and truly do. You didn't go so far, found this strength and courage, to doubt this journey now. Now that you are already halfway through it. So close to the finishing line. You didn't go through all of this for yourself, to ask then if everything will be fine, if they will in the end understand, accept the new you and stay... When what you truly want and are afraid to know is if you indeed need to let go of them as you are feeling now. If you need to leave behind those that judge so much who you are becoming, already hurting a version of you that is still so new, even if it will hurt so much your heart.

You already know all of this deep down, that it might indeed be the necessary thing to do. And you are also aware of the fact that you don't really want to do it, to choose between you and them, losing one or another, not being able to maintain both. You remember how difficult it is, feeling, being alone. And it only complicates everything. A decision that you are not able to make because both options see you suffering, because of others or of the void left in the place where they used to be.

So... Let me rephrase it a little for you: do you really want to need to justify your decisions or who you are, constantly defending yourself from those that should support and appreciate you and your life? Are you really ready for a constant battle with those by your side?

Because, are you doing the right thing by choosing yourself or not, is not even a question that should cross your mind. You are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are doing just fine. You are actually making the most important steps in manifesting on your own that life that you want to experience and enjoy. Starting from you. And through you - with those around you.

And this moment of resistance, this moment of you seeing so much difference between you and others in your life, it's not a way of the Universe to tell you that you are making the wrong decision, becoming too different and less relevant or appealing to those that you want with you. But it's rather a way to make you understand that not everyone can or needs to stay here for a lifetime. Not everyone can be satisfied and completely aligned with what you have in mind. And if there is a right way to choose who to have by your side... well it's for sure by sharing your feellings and thoughts, your desires and intentions, openly. Seeing who feels excited for you, who is proud of you and understands... Or who is feeling hurt, only because for once you are prioritizing your own self and what is the best for your life.

We indeed are, at some extent, the people that we have by our side. They influence us in how they treat us, their opinions, their convictions in which we start to believe too. They form you, consciously or not, through the ways they support you or judge you, limiting your decisions or your steps.

So don't hide in your mind for the sake of others. Don't try to analyse or understand all on your own. Looking for a solution to make everyone happy and satisfied. Think only about yourself now, exactly like this journey requires. Follow your own plan and path. And allow others to be themselves, like you are the true you now. Even if it means that your paths will go different ways. Because no matter how sad or difficult, it is still fine. To be different and to live different lives.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the four of cups, the eight of coins, the ten of cups

Look at you - you are just blooming. With all the courage and strength that you've found to finally and truly take care of yourself. To nourish your soul, make it smile and feel free and alive. You got through so much, through so many new and uncomfortable steps. You faced and made peace with so many parts of you that were consuming you, filling you with anger, fear and despair...

You did it. You truly did. But you managed to do so by hiding yourself. Creating that safe space away from everyone. From their opinions, "advices" regarding your life and how you should make it through. From all the people that talked so much, but so rarely listened to you. Becoming for yourself, on your own, the closest and dearest person by your side. The one that you can truly trust your heart with, the one that can so gently calm your mind. You connected to yourself so deeply, finding so much within yourself... that you don't really feel the need to have someone else. Especially those that remained their old self, not changing even a bit in this time that you spent by yourself.

And now that you "came back", felt strong and confident enough to meet them once again... The difference between you, the moments of silence or of the conflicts, were just too loud. And where before you felt uncomfortable, you just started feeling completely out of place now. Seeing only strangers in a life that is supposedly full of people, so many of them by your side.

But there is a thing about you... About how you don't really accept the idea of giving up, of considering something, someone, a lost cause. You didn't do it for yourself, demonstrating how much a person can change, grow and start to shine again. And you don't want to do it for them, for those that... You really do want to see one day understanding you, the way you see and feel this world, perhaps finally appreciating you, cherishing you the same way you learned to do it with your own self and them too.

And you can really do it. You can really see this change in them one day, even if now it seems so impossible to find a way to speak to them more deeply, enough to touch their soul and give them a new goal, a new hope. It will happen. It is already happening now. Because of you.

With your courage, or despair, in finding your true self, in taking care of yourself, you unconsciously created an example. You demonstrated silently that there is no need to suffer and be pressured by a version of you that just doesn't fit you so well anymore. You showed that, although something so new and perhaps complicated at first to do - it is so worth it. To open up. To your own self and to others. To this life, the things that it always teaches us, but that we sometimes are not so ready to learn and make ours.

You created something so beautiful, by simply choosing yourself no matter what. Like a little seed that you hid in their subconscious mind, it started to grow, manifesting itself in their actions and decisions. That for once started to be for themselves, for their good, for their safety and wellbeing. Unlocking a new version of them, that sees so much more now in their life and their bonds. Cherishing every moment more.

It might not be something that you can see already now, not when it is something so little, that even they are only now starting to notice and appreciate more... And not everyone will bloom and grow... But those that will, they will surprise you so profoundly, they will surprise themselves. In seeing how much your paths evolved and changed, aligning themselves even though you both started to feel like it is time to let each other go.

You will rediscover each other, get to know again so many people that you were convinced to already know, finding out how actually similar, closer your hearts are. But... Just give it time. Be patient, the same way you were with yourself and the journey that you were on all this time. They are growing too, they are changing, and it is something that goes so differently for every person, that requires a different rhythm and pace from perhaps the ones that were comfortable and right for your soul.

Don't worry about it, everything will be fine. Continue to focus on yourself, on protecting your new boundaries and expressing your new ideas and passions. Gently, sweetly, exactly like the way you are. Radiating your beautiful light, and showing others a way to find their own right path.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Three,

the knight of cups, the king of swords and the six of coins

When we start to strive for more, to have this deep need for a change, for a better life and us... It is sometimes almost impossible to not be overwhelmed with all that motivation and energy. With that desire to do everything at once, making progress as fast as possible and being finally able to enjoy this better life.

It is so difficult to not get caught up in all of this... That sometimes this incredible glow around your soul that grows so beautifully - just starts to blind your own eyes and mind. Making you see - where at first there was so much enthusiasm, motivation, exciting new steps - just so many more sacrifices and things to do. Just for a chance to live well and feel good.

And it just drags you back down. In that discouragement and tiredness, in that doubt of really being ready to start this journey. Of wanting it truly at all. And while you fall back in this spiral, in this paralysis of not knowing what is best or worse, if to need to work for a new life enduring again all those challenges and battles... Or to continue this one even though it just doesn't speak anymore to your soul... In all of this your mind is just working too much. Day after day, doubt after doubt, making you forget a little but important detail: you don't need to do it all alone.

Yes it was you idea, yes it is indeed your story, your life that you are doing all of this for... But a journey is not always so limited to only one soul. It is not always meant to be faced on your own. But you assumed it, too caught up in these emotions that a start of a new journey filled your heart. You isolated yourself, hid yourself from this life that doesn't suit you anymore, and from the people around you that just didn't felt aligned. You hid yourself, and started to create everything from scratch on your own. Facing so many new things and questions that you never considered before. Refusing to ask for help, to have opinions of others, because you knew for sure that the same way they never understood they won't do it now too... You convinced yourself of this. Taking away from you perhaps one of the most powerful and beautiful details of a journey: the strength and courage that gives you the not being alone.

It is true that, no matter how much you love those by your side, they are still so different in the way they see and feel this world, in how they want to experience this life... But different is not always negative. It is not necessarily source of judgment, lack of understanding and appreciation, lack of support... Sometimes, exactly that "different" is what can help you find new solutions, answers, new ways of overcoming an obstacle on the road you are trying to walk. Sometimes it is exactly that support and needed hand that can help you navigate your emotions and doubts.

They are different. But this doesn't mean that they don't love you or don't want to see you bloom as the most beautiful flower of this world. They are here for you, and they show it in the only way, from the only perspective that they know... But they can also do it differently, if only you let them learn, allow them to understand fully what is it that you are looking for.

They have so many other versions of perceptions and opinions different from yours. But this is where their strength is. This is where the strength that they can give you is. So many new ways of facing things, of advices, of experiences, of more delicate or more straightforward approaches. So much help that they can give you on your journey, if only you allow them to.

Don't hide yourself, don't assume that they will not understand. Because there is nothing that they want more - to help you be your authentic and most confident self. You grew up, you changed, your mind learned so well to be open to others and their ways. And they can do it too. If you allow them to learn from you. To stay by your side as you make your first steps, to see you, to feel you. And to protect and guide you, helping you to don't doubt, to don't be afraid, and to believe in yourself.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

_

[pearlprincess02]

cancer sun 8H, taurus moon 6H, sagittarius rising, cancer mercury 8H, leo venus 9H, virgo mars 10H

cancer sun: you express your ego through your emotions and feelings and for that reason feeling safe is one of the most important aspects of your life. you feel constantly overwhelmed by the threats of the world and the negative experiences of your past, using that as a justification to be suspicious of others. your higher self will allow you to feel vulnerable, taking down the barriers that you have created to withdraw yourself from others. a total trust will give you the strength that is required to overcome any obstacle and feel safe by accepting that there is a superior intelligence that controls everything and everyone in life.

sun in 8th house: can attract a chaotic life that pushes you into achieving transformations because that's how you grow and evolve, through the process of death and rebirth. you can't deal with superficiality and you crave deep connections with people, intimacy and to evolve with the person you love. creative. you may feel like the universe sends you messages so that you'll reach an awareness of some kind. you love experiencing new things and especially with yourself, you constantly look forward to changing your appearance and your spiritual or emotional views on the world. you feel a need for self-improvement. very secretive, you value privacy more than anything and you don't allow almost anyone to figure you out. you might be terrified of not finding people who want to connect with you as deeply as you want with them. tendency to isolate yourself emotionally, as in you might open up to others about superficial matters but when it comes to emotions, you're terrified of showing that part of yourself. you want to help others through their darkest times. 

taurus moon: their inner child might be somewhat subdued or they don’t express this part of themselves often. might be private when it comes to their emotions. they might mull over their emotions for a while, and they probably are really shaken by change. needs stability, routine, and dependability to feel safe and secure. very committed to whatever they set their sights on. they probably know what they need to feel safe since this is a fixed earth sign - this will probably not change often. they’re a good person to go to for advice. they have a calming, down to earth energy about them. very trustworthy.

moon in 6th house: routines and work give them comfort. this can be a workaholic placement. they need their career to be meaningful and to help others in some way. they want their home environment to be clean and clutter-free, or they have things arranged in a specific way. could base their worth on how useful they are to others in low states. their emotional state can affect their health easily and they can be very physically sensitive to their mood changes. could be very in-tune with their senses. mix of mental and emotional strength.

sagittarius rising: the planetary ruler of sagittarius being jupiter shows that you would sometimes be deemed as a lucky person, even if you might not feel lucky, to people who do not know you, they might think the world works truly for you. you being someone who is able to get whatever you want, this can attract jealousy from other people. with jupiter being the ruling planet of your first house, you are someone who might have something big about you? could be a body party or a personality trait.

cancer mercury: a cancer mercury indicates a very compassionate and intuitive approach to communication. your thoughts and ideas are deeply connected to your deep feelings and emotions, and you may use your communication to nurture and support others. you may have a deep empathy for others' feelings and a tendency to want to help others. you may be drawn to expressing your thoughts and ideas through poetic, sentimental, and creative language. you may be very understanding of others' pain and frustrations, and you may feel comfortable offering support to others.

mercury in 8th house: people with this placement are super intuitive, they are also good researchers! they transform through knowledge, communication, and through how they communicate with themselves. they also may inherit some money from their siblings, surprisingly. they can solve complex riddles, matters and basically anything complex. depending on the mercury sign, they have the ability to make money through investing. they can be very secretive when it comes to discussing things about themselves, thats why a lot of their relationships aren't "real” and they feel like the bond isn’t so strong. they may also like learning about the occult, spirituality and such. they are good at piecing together information, and communicating it with other people. they would do well as archaeologist, detectives, etc because they do really good with analyzing data! these individuals can be very suspicious of new things, and may like old things, (like history, etc!) these people will most likely feel comfortable talking about the occult, death, sex, and their possessions. i’ve noticed that a lot of people with this placement see things differently then other people usually would, but on the other side, they can be judgmental or impulsive. they will literally say what they want to say, and don’t care if your feelings get hurt. they know how to read people like a book, and figure out their reasons for doing certain things. they have very obsessive and destructive thoughts at times, that are harmful. they’ll try to lure you out of your lies & have a perfect strategy for doing so. their minds are filled with mystique and mystery, always wanting more.

leo venus: strength and beauty of a goddess, instant connections and passion, object of adoration or desire, demands your attention, worship and heart, romance in their veins, she is the sun - center of your universe.

venus in 9th house: venus in the ninth house suggests a focus on expanding knowledge and broadening the mind. the individual with this placement may have an innate curiosity about the world and a desire to explore different cultures, traditions, and ideas. they may have a fascination with the mystical and the spiritual, and with exploring new concepts, experiences, and perspectives. additionally, this placement suggests a desire to seek the truths of the universe and an appreciation for higher education.

virgo mars: mars in virgo are passionate about helping others and being the best version of themselves. this mars sign is notoriously known for being able to try something once and being exceptionally good at it the first go. i hate to say it (only because I know it comes from a place of pain) but these natives are passionate about perfection. this can cause them a lot of anxiety if they are careful. although, they are good at many things, it is advised that they lean into whatever makes them happy, serve their part in making the world a better place!

mars in 10th house: mars in 10th are passionate about being successful, being their own boss, their reputation and getting external recognition. they will put a lot of energy into their career and be very passionate about whatever they are doing. they will be a trail blazer and their career because they do it the right way the first time. extremely hard workers- just be weary of burn out mars in 10th folks!

@cloudyluminousstarz

ᵒᵇˢᵉʳᵛᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵃʳᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ

[grandlinedreams]

|| in the same reader setting as [this]

|| warnings: lil bit of angst/self-deprecation, reader has spine, some drama for the sake of it, had Bryce's starlight power in mind w reader

Some days, you wonder why you're here. Objectively, you know why ㅡ but beyond the obvious circumstances, you can't puzzle it out.

Especially as you watch your sisters seemingly click into place. Feyre, of course, has always had a spot ㅡ as High Lady, mate to Rhysand. Nesta has come into her own as well, finding her strength with the Valkyries and Cassian. And even Elain seems more and more comfortable here.

You still aren't sure where you fit in. It's an echo of how it'd once been back home, before all of it ㅡ a careful balance to not take too much, need too much ㅡ to do what you could to help. Unremarkable in all aspects, you suppose, for being Nesta's twin.

Feyre has often likened you to the two sides of the moon ㅡ cut from the same cloth, but so very different.

And the longer that you go in living here, the more it unsettles you ㅡ until it eventually comes to a breaking point of needing to do something.

And you begin watching training sessions. The Valkyries, Nesta, Cassian and Azriel ㅡ it doesn't matter who it is, you watch ㅡ a book in your lap as an excuse. You don't know why you don't want them knowing what you're truly up to, as there's no shame to be had in wanting to defend yourself.

All the same, you don't breathe a word of it to anyone. Your own sessions are self-made, mimicry clumsy and often times uncoordinated ㅡ but you're trying, and that's enough. Illyrian warrior you are not ㅡ but at least it's something.

ㅡ

"Thank-you for coming with me today," Elain tells you as you walk beside her, pace sedate as she glances at the shops to the right, your own attention on the Sidra to the left.

"Of course," you answer, and you can't help but glance back. Several paces away, Azriel trails behind, looking for all the world relaxed ㅡ though you know he misses nothing. Though Elain had asked you to accompany her, part of you wonders if Azriel had been hoping to be alone with her ㅡ you've caught the quiet looks that he's shot her every now and then today.

Sun warming your shoulders, you find your attention back on the Sidra, the gleam of light refracting off the surface. Velaris is beautiful, and you can understand why Rhys worked so hard to keep this place a secret from Amarantha.

"Elain," you begin, "do you thinkㅡ" You cut yourself off, abruptly aware that your sister is no longer at your side ㅡ nor is Azriel behind you. In your absent mindedness, you must have kept walking when Elain hadn't ㅡ and your stomach tightens at the realization that you have no idea where you are.

Stay calm, you think, pushing down the tendrils of instinctive alarm as you try to orient yourself, though none of the buildings are even vaguely familiar. Just how far had you gone?

"Lost?" The voice that speaks from behind you is wholly unfamiliar as you whirl, eyes locking with the deep green of a fae male who approaches you.

"No," you answer coolly, pushing down how the steady rove of his gaze over you makes your skin crawl. "I'm on my way to meet with my sister, actually."

"Oh." He takes another step to you. "Allow me to escort you?"

"No. That won't be necessary," you answer. There's an edge to your tone that you can hear, razor sharp ㅡ and you move to skirt around him. "If you'll excuse meㅡ"

Fingers snap around your wrist, squeezing with enough force to hurt as you're yanked to a halt. Something stirs in your chest. "Let go of me."

"Not until you apologize," comes the rough reply. "I'm trying to be kind, and you're veing rude."

You can feel your skin bruising under his grip, the ache of your wrist ㅡ and your other hand is curling into a fist and snapping up before you truly think about it.

The punch lands against his jaw and he grunts, letting up on your wrist enough for you to wrench it free with a venomous hiss that'd make Nesta proud as warmth bubbles in your veins, licking up your spine as it buzzes beneath your skin. "Get your hands off me."

The male's eyes blaze before he's lunging for you, hand fisting into your hair to yank you back ㅡ and the world splinters into bright, dazzling light. It blazes, burns brighter than faelight with all the warmth of a summer day as you hear the male yelp ㅡ and then you're on your knees, hands aching as you press your palms to the rough stone and struggle to even your breathing.

The sharp cry of your name and the rapid approach of footsteps is the only warning you get before arms are around you, pulling you close ㅡ Elain.

"Are you okay? One minute you were beside me and then you weren't, we were looking everywhere for you and ㅡ oh, look at your handsㅡ" Her fussing is going in one ear and out the other as she coaxes you to your feet. "Come on, let's get you to Madja, okay?"

You don't remember much of the trek back, lost in a mute daze that has Elain shooting Azriel a worried look and asking for him to escort you to Madja so she can go tell Feyre what happened.

You're quiet even as the healer looks over your hands, the raw skin of your knuckles and knees where you hit the ground ㅡ and still not a word leaves your lips until Feyre is calling your name, hands on your shoulders.

"Elain told me what happened, but she said there was a burst of light right before they found youㅡ"

"Me," you mumble, cutting her off. "That was me. I think." Feyre stares at you, but you're studying your hands. "It...it came from me."

"Oh," Feyre breathes, then glances at Rhysand, who's watching you.

"It's possible she's yielded her powers," he says. "We'll have to see what the extent of it is, and go from there."

It feels a little weird, being discussed as though you aren't there ㅡ and you're more than grateful when the only one left is Azriel, who watches you as you keep studying your hands.

"...the male who grabbed me," you mumble. "I punched him."

"Good." Azriel's shadows had been the ones to report where you were and what was happening ㅡ and the fury he'd felt had been interrupted by that burst of light. "Don't feel bad for defending yourself."

"That's the thing," you answer. "I don't." Your brow furrows. "I'm not...like Nesta or Feyre, or Elain." You pause. "I don't know what I am."

He knows you mean more than just today, that this has been haunting you for a while ㅡ ever since the events that'd landed you here. He can sympathize, truly ㅡ and then he's approaching to ease your hands apart from where you'd been picking at the gauze over your knuckles.

"You don't need to be anything like them," he tells you, then tenses as you study his hands ㅡ broader than yours and scarred ㅡ and then you slot your fingers between his and squeeze gently.

"I have a question," you murmur, letting your other hand rise to trace a fingertip over his knuckles, seemingly unaware of what the simple touch is doing to him. "I...I've been watching all of you train, but I'd like to actually be taught properly."

Azriel hums. "Cassianㅡ"

"No," you counter, fingers tightening around his. "I want you."

Azriel stills for several long moments where he swears thst his heart stutters, stops, then resumes before he answers. "Okay."