#there's something about being in a fandom of this type that attracts me a lot apparently

[the-stage-manager]

I'm so sorry, this is going to be an essay, I just saw this post and it got me really excited. I'm a yapper, and this got kind of personal because this is a topic that really excites me.

I'm a gay!Eddie truther, mostly because he reminds me so much of myself and my own story. I'm a lesbian who grew up as a Utah Mormon. I want to make it very clear that these are just my opinions and headcanons and it's all based on my own experiences.

Please feel free to ignore this and not read it if it's too long. I'm a yapper and I talk in circles, and I'm so, so sorry this turned out so long. I have no friends in this fandom to talk to about stuff like this, and this is just a topic that really piqued my interest, if you don't jive with it, that's okay, these are all just my silly opinions, and again, if it's too long, feel free to skip it and ignore it, it won't hurt my feelings.

Firstly, it's important to remember that sexuality is fluid. Rarely ever is anything absolutely "all" or "nothing".

There's a phenomenon called "compulsory heterosexuality" that's found in a lot of deeply religious cultures. It's exactly what it sounds like: your culture forces you to be straight. I've experienced this firsthand: EVERYBODY around me was Mormon. My doctor, my dentist, my teachers, my peers, all of them. Every sunday, I'd see everybody I went to school with. And Mormonism is a very community based culture. You used to go to 3 hours of church on every Sunday (it's changed, now it's only two hours), visiting teachers from the Ward come and visit you once a month, kids between 5-12 meet every Monday for "Activity days", teens between 12-18 meet every Wednesday for "mutual", there were additional fireside lectures every couple of Sundays, the word would plan community activities at least once a month, I'm telling you: Mormonism is a fucking lifestyle. It is constant. It is CONSTANT. I used to have school teachers, SCHOOL TEACHERS, hold me aside after class to ask if everything was okay, because they didn't see me in church on Sunday. Everybody knows everybody, and they're always in your business.

Can you imagine what coming out would be like in that kind of a culture? It makes you ostracized. Everybody looks at you different. Everybody. And they really drill it into you, from the time that you are born, that being gay is a sin. You can't be a Mormon and gay. If you're in a gay relationship, you can't take the sacrament on sunday, you can't go to the temple. Mormons don't technically believe in hell, but they're absolutely is retribution for sinning.

That's what compulsory heterosexuality is. Being gay isn't even conceivable, it never even crosses your mind, because it would mean losing everything.

So, you end up experiencing a really warped version of sexuality. You develop crushes on people of the opposite sex, who are "safe". "Safe", because they're unavailable. I had a crush on Peeta, on Steve Rogers, on the Doctor—but I never fantasized about having sex with them. They were pretty to me, handsome, so I labeled that feeling as "love".

I was obsessed with this boy in my grade from 5th grade to senior year. I was adamant that I was in love with him, that I would marry him. He was traditionally attractive, pretty like Captain America, he was a theater kid like me, so he was part of my friend group in a way, and he was safe—completely unavailable, always in a relationship with other girls, and I was absolutely not my type. It was so obvious that he was not, and would never be interested in me.

After graduation, he took me on a couple of pity dates. On the last date, he kissed me. It was my first kiss. It was something I had dreamed about since I was 12—the love of my life kissing me on the lips. And I felt nothing. It was one of the most shameful things I had ever experienced, and it became a memory I completely repressed, because I couldn't make sense of it. I was obsessed with this boy, and I kissed him, and I felt fucking nothing. It's difficult to explain how devastating it was. I mentioned I was a theater kid, I was really into shakespeare, I'd read all of his plays and all of his sonnets by the end of senior year. He talks about love like it's something transcendent. People have waged wars over love. And I thought to myself, "This is it?"

But I continued to date men, because there were no other options for me. Being gay meant being an abomination in the eyes of god. It meant destroying the relationships I had with everybody who was important to me. So I just... Wasn't. I got good at repressing my feelings, and focusing on other people's needs instead of my own. When I dated boys, it was performative. I knew exactly what to say, I knew how to push all the right buttons.

I came out as bisexual first because it was easier. I convinced myself that I had found the right man, and I wouldn't ever have to tell anybody that I liked girls too. Except, I started realizing that the thought of kissing a man made me feel kind of repulsed, but the thought of kissing a girl always made me smile. My longest relationship lasted for 3 months—he was kind of pathetic and very feminine, but he was VERY into me and that was a turn off. It made me panic. Every time I kissed him, I felt kind of repulsed, but I ignored it until I couldn't. I convinced myself that my repulsion to men was because I had daddy issues I needed to work through.

The craziest part about all of it is that there's still some part of me that's hung up on that guy from high school.

I had repressed my feelings so deeply, that my therapist literally had to POINT OUT to me that every time I imagined kissing a man, I felt repulsed, but every time I imagine kissing a woman, I smiled and couldn't seem to help it. My therapist literally had to drag it out of me.

(sorry that this got so personal, anyways here's the part about Eddie)

Eddie is the most emotionally repressed person on the show. It's easy to imagine that, just like me, he latched onto one girl. He probably found her safe. He probably dated her, because dating a man never even crossed his mind. They had sex, he got her pregnant, obviously abortion is a huge sin in catholicism, that wasn't an option, so he did the "honorable" thing, and married her. And he was fine with it, because she was pretty, and safe, and they were friends.

Except, then he joined the military. He probably thought it was the best way to financially support his new wife and child. The fact that it forced them to be separated from each other for months at a time was just a coincidence. And he couldn't back out, because he had a contract with the military. He convinced himself that all the time he spent separated from his family, was for their own good.

Except, when is contract was up, when he had the opportunity to return home and be with his wife, he signed up for another term. And then that tour ended, and he finally came home, and Christopher barely knew him—that's how you know just how little time he spent with his family.

When Eddie returned from war, he and Shannon immediately started having martial issues. (Although, let's be real here, I can ABSOLUTELY chalk this up from PTSD instead of being gay. War fucks you up.) Either way, Shannon felt overwhelmed and isolated, and Eddie was clearly putting all of the emotional labor of raising their child on her. She got overwhelmed and left.

So the total amount of time Eddie actually spent with Shannon was minimal, and when they were together, things weren't great.

Please don't get me wrong, I think Eddie absolutely did love Shannon, I think he loved her with his whole heart. I genuinely did love the boys I dated, especially that kid I was obsessed with in high school. I genuinely did care about them, but there was just... Things I couldn't give them, and it's easy for me to imagine that Eddie felt the same way—he loved her with his whole heart... But love wasn't enough. There were things he could give her.

Despite how good everything was between them during season 2, Shannon clearly still felt that she and Eddie weren't compatible. She asked for a divorce before she died.

And Eddie took that rejection out on Buck, just like I took my feelings of rejection out on my mission companion. When Buck sued the station, Eddie's meltdown in the station felt a LOT like a martial argument. He basically accused Buck of being a deadbeat parent, which was WILD. And obviously, that could be chalked up to grief. His wife died after asking for a divorce, so he took it out on the next person who rejected him, which was Buck. But it's also easy for me to imagine that those feelings of rejection were exacerbated because Buck makes him feel something that he never felt with Shannon.

The episode where he starts dating Ana 4x06 is WILD. She flirts with him while he takes care of her burned hand. And he.... Kind of? Flirts with her? But mostly, it just feels like he's doing his job. Yeah, he gets down on his knees to take care of her hand, and she absolutely SWOONS over it, but he doesn't really flirt with her.

For the rest of the episode, the team REALLY pressures him to date her. I mean, they lay it on THICK. And he keeps making excuses as to why he can't. Eventually he admits to Bobby that he still isn't over Shannon. WHICH IS TOTALLY VALID. I literally cannot emphasize this enough, it is totally okay to take this scene at face value. He probably is just grieving. But the way he feels pressured into dating her, the way that he resists, the way that he blames it on the fact that he's not over Shannon... It's just a really familiar feeling to me, making up all of these excuses because I can't explain why I don't want to date somebody of the opposite gender, who is clearly into me.

At one point, he describes dating women as feeling "performative". Obviously, made me feel a certain way. Because holy shit, if that doesn't describe my entire dating life. He even breaks up with Ana because he realized that he isn't into her, he's only dating her because he thinks it will make Chris happy.

Literally, every girl in the show, he dates because he feels pressured to. He dated Marisol because Tia Pepa set him up with her, and they kinda connected at the hardware store, but he literally doesn't call her, until Chris asks her to.

Then the whole Kim thing happens. And, again, you could totally take the show at face value, and say that Eddie really is just THAT hung up on his dead wife.

But also, I was hung up on that boy from high school for YEARS, because I was so convinced I was in love with him. And the only reason I was so convinced I was in love with him, was because the idea of dating girls was completely unacceptable. It didn't even cross my mind. That's what compulsatory heterosexuality is—and that's why I think Eddie was so hung up on his wife.

I left the Mormon church when I was about 23. After serving my mission, I came home and just felt... Angry at God. I felt cheated, like I hadn't received any of the blessings I was promised. I felt like I had wasted a year and a half of my life. And that anger led me to question a lot of things, and when I really looked into the church... Yikes.

But the thing is, that shit is ingrained in me. I spent 19 years steeped in this culture. Then, when I turned 19 and went on a mission, I literally gave up my life and devoted 18 months to the church. From 6:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m., every single day, I was out on the street knocking doors. I had no access to the internet. The only "break" we had was from noon to 6:00 p.m. on Mondays. Those were called "p-days" or "preparation days", and those 6 hours were the only time when we were allowed to contact home, and we were only allowed to contact home through email. We were allowed to call home for 1 hour on Mother's Day and Christmas Day. Everything else was God and Jesus and Mormonism and "preaching the gospel". We did not get holidays off. We were still knocking doors on christmas, on New year's, on easter.

And when you're that indoctrinated, even after you leave the church, even after you question god, and maybe even stop believing in god, it is so hard to shake those internalized beliefs. It is so hard not to feel guilty about being gay, even now.

I doubt Eddie was as indoctrinated in his religion as I was. But still, when you're surrounded by one kind of culture, that stuff seeps into your bones. It is so easy for me to imagine that Eddie denied his homosexuality, even after questioning God and abandoning his religion, because that indoctrination is so deeply ingrained. It doesn't bother him if other people are gay. It's okay for other people to be gay. That's how I feel too: love is love, trans rights are human rights. It is okay for other people to be themselves. But for whatever reason, it's not okay for me to be myself. I'm too ashamed. And it's easy for me to imagine that that's how Eddie feels too.

He can't pick the juice. He has to pick the water because he doesn't deserve the juice. He still feels ashamed to drink the juice. It's okay for other people to drink the juice, but not him.

So he keeps on pretending, he keeps on performing, he keeps on doing what he thinks is best for Christopher and what he thinks will make other people happy. And when he sabotages the relationship, because there's some part of himself he just can't seem to give to these women, he blames it on the fact that he's still not over his wife. Because what other reason is there?

I'm not gay, I've just got Daddy issues. I'm not gay, I'm just not over that kid from high school. I'm not gay, that's impossible, that's inconceivable, that's wrong.

I’m not in this fandom on here but I watch the show and I have to get this off my chest. Bisexual Eddie Diaz makes more sense than gay Eddie. I do believe he genuinely loved Shannon romantically. He obviously likes women sexually. And BI4BI buddie goes so hard. But on another note do ppl think bisexuals just don’t have Catholic guilt lmao. Everytime the Catholic story line gets brought up it’s like oh he has to be gay because he’s Catholic and repressed . He can be bisexual and be repressed too. Ok that’s all carry on

Yes, personally, I also think Eddie being bi would make a lot more sense for him than him just being 100% gay.

I think he does enjoy women but I also think he’s 100% curious about men too.

What do y’all think? Thoughts? Comments?

[overmore]

I could probably spend a lot of time on talking how idv fandom doesn't have the feeling of a proper fandom sometimes due to the lack of people actually doing fun stuff and making events (I already touched upon this on Bluesky the other day) that are participatory in nature and are done for the love of the media itself rather than getting something out of it. Now I want to talk about how it does feel hard to even try and make something, because unless it's an exchange, you don't really see people participating in things.

I'm a part of a discord server that's centered around creating fics for the most part (art is there too but it's writing centered. ficwip, you might be familiar with it) and really, if the event is not a longer one like a bang, it has motivated me to create more and participate in events ran by the mods there. Having no restrictions beyond the themes of the event (meaning no morality restrictions) has actively helped me wanna participate in events more, even outside of it. I now use dreamwidth a lot and find various events there, both exchanges and other forms like bingos and challenges and it has been very freeing and fun.

All of this stems from the fact that you can do whatever you want with ships. The main rule for many of these events is 'no morality restrictions' and everything is immediately better. And it's something seriously missing in this fandom because way too many people are up the the ass about ships they don't like or topic they think are wrong, even if we're talking about fiction. If this attitude was changed, there would be a massive improvement in the experience I believe.

There absolutely are people like that, whether they like problematic topics or not, but that doesn't really matter. It's sadly just not enough. Having creative minds is what drives fandom to be a better and more enjoyable place, and at the moment, there's sadly not enough of them. Many left because the fandom itself is kinda shit about it still, I've seen that happen too with people I follow who now go to different fandoms and aren't having problems like these (or where they are present, they're minimal and can be avoided easily). It actively pains me because other than losing people who were amazing creatives, if you don't go there too, it's hard to connect if you don't enjoy the said new media to a level where you'd be in the fandom.

I often see people say 'switch fandoms if yours is terrible' but at least for me, I can't just do that on a random Tuesday. It requires a very specific set of conditions. Last time, when I was into bsd, for me it was not enjoying the current stage where the manga was it, fandom being toxic and mean, lack of creative ideas and the fact that a person I really hated and who was previously known for being a rabid anti joining a server I was in and no one seemed to be aware of that (they have changed their stance long ago, but that doesn't really change the fact they which hunted people and were horrible in general). The last point being the breaking one, that pushed me into looking at idv as a writing outlet.

Up until that point, I've already played the game for over a year. It took me a whole year of playing to actually get into the fandom.

I don't know when I'll be in a situation where this just clicks like that again. I've liked and played a lot of new games since then, not even once I've thought of wanting to actively be in the fandom for any of them. I don't consume animamga like I used to when I was younger, it's now much slower and I'm pickier about it, but nothing truly catches my attention beyond enjoying the media and thinking about it for a while.

TLDR: fandoms need creatives who can do whatever they like without restrictions for the fandom to flourish and have a nice community and switching fandoms can be a pain depending on how your relationship is with it.

[laurarakkonen]

Hello! Finally our little Em Fanfic Fandom have more writers!

Can I request 000's Eminem falling for Rockstar!Reader that have a baby (Baby Daddy no present) she always bring everywhere and even steals some attetion to him? :b

🎸⋆°. 𝗦𝗡𝗔𝗣 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗜𝗧.

⠀⠀────────────────────

| 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚: Marshall Mathers III (Eminem) x Rockstar!Fem!Reader.

| 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗥𝗘: Fluffy.

| 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦: N/A.

| 𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗗: yes.

| 𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗣𝗜𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡: Snap Out Of It — Arctic Monkeys.

( hey! i loved your request, I had a lot of fun writing it! I hope you like it. 🤍 )

⠀⠀────────────────────

The noise of screams and applause filled the structure of the stadium where your rock band performed, you looked kindly at all the people who admired your art as you said goodbye with a wide smile after ending your show in New York.

— Thank you everyone for your support! Tonight was a very special night for us, New York! — You expressed with a vibrant smile, listening to all the love your fans had for you and your band.

The stage lights went dark, and you went backstage where your band team was with your youngest daughter, Remy, just two years old. You've always attracted a lot of attention in the industry, for being a successful rock singer with a successful band and a single mother who would do anything for your daughter, something Remy's father wouldn't do the same, he never did the least to get to know her after birth, leaving you alone to take care of a child, however, you did everything you could to fulfill your part of being a mother and a father in your daughter's life even with your busy schedule.

A happy smile spread across your lips as you picked up your daughter, your eyes sparkled when you saw that little child who had saved your life in so many ways. The other band members had the same loving smile for your daughter. The bassist, Mandy, approached Remy with a sweet smile.

— She's so cute! — Mandy said, stroking the little child's cheeks. — I saw a recording of her playing with the guitars, it was really cute!

You responded to the bassist with a smirk, looking up at the other woman, listening to the baby giggles that your daughter gave when she felt Mandy's touch on her cheeks.

— She sure is, Remy is passionate about guitars, maybe I'll give her one as a gift for her birthday. — You replied, turning your gaze to the child again.

On the other side of the dressing room, the guitarist named Axel who was adjusting the strings on his guitar was smiling at you and Remy.

— Maybe she'll be a guitarist like me, I'm really incredible. — He said in a cocky and fun way, making you laugh. — Yo, there's going to be a party at Dr Dre's mansion in a little while… are you going?

Mandy just let out a sideways smile and crossed her arms, throwing herself onto the small sofa there:

— I still don't know how you have contact with these Hip-Hop people...but I will go, will you, Y/N? — The bassist asked, looking up at you.

You continued to look at the girl in your arms, with your lips pressed together as you rubbed the back of your head in a tone of doubt.

— I will stay, Remy must be tired and she has school tomorrow...I'll stay at home. — You explained, raising your gaze to the two members who looked at him with an understanding look.

— That's fair. — Axel paused with a light sigh. — So, Mandy now call the other members because our car should already be waiting.

— Okay, we'll give you two a ride too, Y/N. — Mandy said, looking at Remy with a smirk.

⠀⠀────────────────────

After a few weeks of your show, your performance was a complete success, it became news in all media and tabloids in all magazines. Your band's songs were played on different types of radio, from rock to pop, and it was also a constant question for some artists in interviews.

You were in your large apartment in downtown New York, in the kitchen as you prepared lunch for you and Remy while your daughter watched a random cartoon in the living room. You cut the vegetables and put them in the pan with bubbling water, your radio on the counter played some songs until you started an interview with Eminem, the rapper who was at the height of his career like you and who had already mentioned you in some songs.

You didn't pay much attention to the interview until the people hosting the interview mentioned your show and you, which made your interest grow quickly and take your attention completely to the radio.

— Yo, Em, I don't know if you're probably aware, but Y/N did a wonderful show a few weeks ago, we were impressed with how she managed to give such an authentic and captivating performance even though she just entered the industry. You've already mentioned her in some of your songs, how do you feel about her? — The interviewer asked, his voice squeaking slightly over the sound of the radio.

— To be more exact, I really admire what she and her band do. I was at the show with Proof watching her and it was…wow. As an artist, she has a lot of potential, and as a father...I see her as an inspiration, even though she is a single mother and has a huge career, she manages to be present in her daughter's life, and that is something to admire...In fact, If Y/N needs a candidate to be her daughter's stepfather, I'll volunteer. — Marshall said, in a joking tone that made all the interviewers laugh at the situation.

The whole situation left you with rosy cheeks and a silly smile on your lips, Marshall seemed like a nice guy, and who was also going through the same situation of being a single father after his divorce with his ex-wife, Kimberly. You felt a depth of truth behind his playful words, and that typical feeling of butterflies began to form in your stomach.

Your thoughts were quickly cut short after the sound of the landline telephone in the hallway of the apartment began to echo through the wall, making you turn off the stove and wipe your hands on the cloth on the counter, going over to the device.

Your hands went to the phone and placed it in your left ear, your silly smile remained on your face without realizing it.

— Hello?- — You were quickly interrupted by Mandy's excited voice coming from the other end of the line.

— Did you see what Eminem said about you on the radio? Girl, he's so into you! — The bassist's lively voice was mixed with some laughter.

You tilted your head slightly to the left side, pressing the fingers of your free hand to your lips.

— I saw…and did you see that he was at our show? But he was just joking, don’t be crazy. — You shrugged your shoulders, trying to convince yourself that it was just his joke.

However, Mandy wasn't convinced, she just rolled her eyes and snorted upon hearing your comment.

— You're always like that...it's clear he wants to talk to you! Look, Axel said that 50 is going to have a party and Eminem will be there, you go and I'll take care of Remy without any problems, you need to go! — The other woman said, you could feel her mischievous smile on the other end of the phone line.

Internally, you felt like you were going to explode. Your mind screamed for you to go and your skin heated up just thinking about talking to him, the blush on your cheeks became even more apparent and your smile grew even more.

— Okay...when is this party? I'll try to go. — You said in a shy tone, letting out a shaky breath.

The bassist let out a scream of joy upon hearing your question, and a proud smile formed on her lips.

— This Saturday! You have to go, choose your best outfit! — Ordered the other woman, ending the call without giving you a chance to respond or argue against it.

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The noise of Hip-Hop music and people having fun filled the air at 50 Cent's mansion, where the grand party that Mandy had mentioned to you days before was taking place.

You looked around and saw different artists having fun, drinking and even kissing in the corners of the room. You leaned on the bar counter in the center of the living room, while adjusting a black mini skirt and your black leather jacket with burgundy red details. In the other corner of the room, Marshall Mathers was watching you with a smirk on his lips, his gaze discreetly admiring your face and body, and by his side, there was his best friend Proof, who was observing the scene.

Without patience, Proof took his hands to the other rapper's shoulders and shook him lightly, making Eminem's gaze go to him.

— Are you going to stare at her like a idiot or go talk to her? — The boy asked, pulling his best friend out of his mental trance.

Marshall just muttered a small “Hm?” and again raised his gaze to you, swallowing dryly.

— I don't know, man... I don't know if she liked the “joke” I made on the radio. — Said the rapper, shrugging his shoulders and taking some of his drink to clear his throat.

The other boy just snorted and rolled his eyes, moving away from his best friend and looking up at you, letting out a sigh:

— If you don't go to her, she'll think you're just another cowardly dumbass! Go, man! — Proof replied, trying to encourage Marshall.

After a few minutes of mental preparation and encouragement from Proof, Eminem approached in slow and awkward steps, he quickened his breathing with each step he took and the closer he got to you.

You noticed someone approaching from behind, so you gently turned your head back and your gaze quickly landed on the rapper, which made your heart stop for a few seconds.

Marshall had the same reaction, his heart accelerated a little more when he saw your face and he felt his own body betray him, feeling his knees shaking as he tried to keep his posture upright.

— Yo, Y/N, right? — Marshall tried to start a conversation, feeling a spike of adrenaline in his heart palpitate.

Your hands felt cold and a shiver ran down your spine as you heard his voice mix with the sound of the party's loud music.

— Yes, it’s me... it's a pleasure to meet you, Marshall. — You replied, letting a sideways smile escape.

The blonde felt goosebumps on his skin when he heard you say his name, he knew he had a small crush on you...but he didn't know it was so intense.

— It’s nice to meet you too, so…I don’t know if you’ve listened to the radio lately, but I wanted to apologize if I offended you by the joke I made in that interview. — You could hear him slurring his own words in a nervous way, gesturing with his hands.

— It's okay, really. I even liked your joke, it was cute. — You answered him in the same way, your words escaping your mouths without thinking.

A spike of shame hit your heart as you realized what you had said, a red blush marked your cheeks as you widened your eyes slightly.

— Ah, so it's okay...do you mind if I buy you a drink? — The rapper asked, his nervousness slowly disappearing when he noticed the look on his face, his lips curling into a proud smile.

— I would love. — You replied, letting out a calm sigh.

⠀⠀────────────────────

The rest of the night went well, the conversation between you and Marshall flowed better than you expected.

It was interesting to see the industry's most feared rapper be so kind and completely interesting and funny. At the moment, you were outside the party, observing the dark sky full of stars contrasting with the lights that the buildings that New York emitted.

— So...I heard there's a super cool bar near here, want to go with me? Just the two of us. — Marshall said, stroking your right hand gently.

— I'd love to, Em. — You replied, intertwining your fingers with his.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[tanenigiri]

Like several others in the fandom, I'm still recovering from the feels that Chapter 25 of Hirano and Kagiura has given me, especially the scenes that paint Hirano in a rather green and purple light. As someone who only recently came to terms with being aro and acespec, seeing Hirano go through very familiar struggles felt like an out-of-body experience.

It also made me want to revisit some manga that I've read so far that have featured characters in the aro and ace spectrums. Since I mostly consume BL, there understandably haven't been a lot that's come into my radar, but the few I've read have all been great, and I wanted to take this opportunity to give them a shoutout.

I Want to Be a Wall by Honami Shirono - Definitely my favorite in this list and one of my top 5 fave manga overall, this stars an aroace woman and a gay man who get into a marriage of convenience. It deals with expectations from their families and society as a whole about what an ideal marriage should be, but it also spends a lot of time exploring how Yuriko comes to terms with her asexuality and how the people around her react to it, especially her husband Gakurouta - who also deals with his own issues about hiding his homosexuality and his very apparent attraction to another character in the series who's presented as straight. On top of dealing with all these issues very tastefully, it's a great slice-of-life manga with a lot of humor and fluff squeezed in, so if you want a feel-good read with depth and lots of soul, I really recommend this one.

Is Love the Answer? by Uta Isaki - The manga on this list that's most blatantly about aromanticism and asexuality, this explores the story of Chika and her journey to discovering, questioning, and accepting her romantic and sexual orientation. It goes very in-depth into this journey, and it even has multiple other aroacespec characters that she deems as role models, such as a professor who serves as a mentor for Chika and many other characters in the series as well as an older brother figure who had a much rougher time discovering his own asexuality. If you want to read a coming-of-age story where the lead comes to terms with her asexuality much in the same way that many BL and GL manga leads come to terms with their own queer identities, I highly recommend this manga. (Trigger warning for a brief sexual assault scene at the start - it's not graphic, but it definitely shows the attempt, so stray away if a scene like that would unsettle you.)

I Think Our Son Is Gay by Okura - I've talked about this manga before, and in my previous posts I mentioned that my favorite character is Yuri, the brother of the titular son Hiroki. Turns out I was onto something, as throughout the manga, Yuri mentions that while many girls in his school have expressed interest in him, he always turns them down, saying that he doesn't really get why everyone's making such a big deal about love. That already got my attention, but there's a scene in the fifth volume where Yuri actually goes into this more and researches why he's feeling that way, and it leads to a certain label we all know and love. Sadly that fifth volume is also the series's final one, so we don't get any more after that, but it really solidifies Yuri's journey throughout the manga, making for a nice parallel for his mother's own journey about accepting Hiroki's identity.

Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani - I've also talked about this manga before, and just like I Want To Be A Wall, it has pretty much cemented its place in my top 5 fave manga overall. What made me fall in love with this manga is how it explores so many types of queer stories in a very realistic light, dealing with issues like discrimination, family acceptance, and identity crises in a way that really shows how serious they can be. Expectedly, one of the types of queer stories it explores is about Someone who's aroace (whoever's read this manga - yes, that was a pun), though unlike the other characters in this series (and unlike most of the other characters in this post), that character is already at the point of their journey where they're comfortable with their sexual identity. Instead, the author uses Someone-san as a mentor throughout the story, helping other characters come to terms with their own identities and running the safe space that most of the story centers around. If you're looking for manga that's explicitly about the aroace experience, I don't think this would be the one for you, but if you're looking for great queer manga in general, this should be at the top of your list.

Bonus:

Cherry Magic by Yuu Toyota: I can't end this post without talking about queen Fujisaki. In the manga and anime, she takes on the role of a fujoshi who's a big fan of Kurosawa and Adachi's relationship even before they get together. But her role in the Japanese TV series (and movie) was changed, toning down the fangirlism (though hints of it are still there!) and instead giving her a unique storyline, one that eventually reveals to Adachi (though not explicitly) that she isn't interested in dating anyone. There isn't any explicit confirmation about her sexuality beyond this in the show, but there have been interviews from the showrunners where they do mention it. And honestly, as someone who was only starting out with BL at that point, seeing a character like her have that kind of background was already so incredible to me.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope you check these manga out, and if you know of other manga with great aroace rep, let me know!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

To add onto that Malleus popularity speculation, I think another major reason why that you never mentioned is the simple fact that characters of Malleus' archetype are just more popular in general in the west amongst working age women.

There are plenty of adult novel containing male supernatural love interests. Fae and vampire romance novels are still extremely popular amongst adult readers. A Court of Thorns and Roses is technically an ADULT novel, NOT YA. Even m|m supernatural stories even fall into this category with Stolas/Blitz from Helluva Boss being an extremely popular over here. That pairing is from an adult animated show. Stolas shares a lot of similarities with Malleus.

Hell, even if you step into western contemporary romance novels, the male love interest tends to be more brooding and angsty with flawed leads. Everything from classic literature like Jane Eyre to modern shit like anything Colleen Hoover writes. (Don't get it twisted. I'm NOT saying that Malleus is anything like those leads. Just using those very popular example of brooding bad boy love interests in adult contemporary fiction in the west.)

Meanwhile in East Asia, those sorts of leads tend to be geared towards teenagers. Working age women want a more stable, realistic love interest that would take care of them like Trey.

Westerners seem to prefer more complex, intense romantic relationships, where the stakes feel higher and the emotional payoff is more significant. They will naturally write Trey off as a "big brother" character instead of seeing him as a romantic lead material thanks to being more used to seeing characters like Malleus as the love interest in stories.

I could be way off base, since I'm not Asian and far from being an expert on Japanese culture, but that's my two cents based on my observations. This is also based on broad generalizations. Neither culture is a monolith.

[Referencing this post and (more specifically!) my speculation here!]

Oh, for sure 💀 I made a post a while ago talking about how Malleus (especially from the yumejoshi/self-shipping perspective) reminds me a lot of the new "Shadow Daddy" archetype that has emerged in the romantasy genre. I mean, just look at how many of the Shadow Daddy traits Malleus ticks off:

is a nonhuman being (usually fae)

500 yrs old (or at least several hundred years old or a significant age gap between the Shadow Daddy love interest and typically female main character)

looks young and hot/conventionally attractive despite the age

is OP (usually with shadow/night/darkness related magic)

is royalty or in some kind of position of power

dark hair and/or skin (sometimes both)

“morally grey” and/or has issues (you can fix him)

brooding

looks or is rumored to be intimidating but is actually lonely and misunderstood, with a heart of gold

animalistic in some manner (usually with bat/raven/dragon-like wings)

has a tattoo or some kind of bodily markings (Malleus has the scales under his hair; you could also count the OB facial markings I guess)

Outside of romantasy novels geared towards older teens (18-19) and adults, the west seems to really love brooding bad boys as love interests in a lot of its media. Something else I noticed is that the "good guys" or the "boy next door" types like Trey tend to be "the other man" in heterosexual love triangles, which miiight also explain why he gets looked over in the western fandom. (I discussed some of my own observations, which are similar to the points mentioned here, in the posts linked above.)

I wouldn’texactly phrase it like westerners preferring "more complex, intense romantic relationships [... with higher stakes and more significant emotional payoff]", as that unintentionally implies that there has to be brooding or angst in order for the story or character arc to be "good". I feel a lot of it actually depends on the execution rather than the tropes present. For example, I've seen many "Shadow Daddies" that exist purely for wish fulfillment rather than emotional or story/character complexity (which, to be clear, there's nothing wrong with if this is the kind of thing you enjoy!). Wholesome or "normal" romances also have the capacity to be complex, intense, high-stakes, and emotionally significant too! Again, it all depends on the quality of writing and what one's personal preferences are. You'll find outliers regardless of culture as well--as the asker has stated, no culture is a monolith!

[glamourscat]

Hiii the fandom is well alive!! I would love to hear your headcanons on midorima! <333

i hope you like this! :)

Midorimais such a tsundere, so relationship with him would be so interesting! I can imagine him being more on the reserved side, even a little bit closed off at the beginning.

A relationship with him is bound to be as straightforward and honest as it could be. From him, but he also expects it back. He is mature enough to known what and how to say something-- withouth sugar coating it.

This guy is obsessed with astrology, you cannot tell me he won’t be obsessed with any other divination tool. Especially if his s/o reads tarot cards or is into witchcraft, he would be a bit conscious at first- but would immediately immerse into this world too. Asking for a tarot reading on the game/ himself. Or a good luck charm he can carry with himself.

Definitely the type to check his and your horoscope compatibility. If there’s anything to compare, he will. Blood type? Done. Whole astrology chart? Done. Life path number? Done. He doesn’t necessarily follow it to a T, meaning that he might consults the results, but ultimately he will make the choice by what feels right. But the results will heavily taken into consideration.

On the note of astrology/divination, if his s/o doesn’t believe in it, that’s fine. I think he could get past it. But if his s/o is purposely rude about it, he won’t be able to be around you, much less date you. To have a partner who bluntly hates it or pulls the “science card” out 24/7 will be such a turn off for him.

He would pay attention to the little things. Your little habits. The brand of tea you prefer, the type of fabric material you prefer for your clothing. In case you have a period, he would be able to tell if your period is around the corner by picking up your body language— just like he can pick up if you’re sad or happy.

Now, does that mean he would be the best at comforting? Not necessarily. Emotionally wise, words wise, he is a bit stiff. He would assess the situation, create a A to Z plan in his head but ultimately he would end up just sitting close to you, maybe give some light caresses on your back. Silently singling you “I’m here, talk to me if you want. I’m listening.”

He might not be a great talker, but *he cares*. And he tries to show that by actions and gestures mostly. And quality time too for sure.

His type is older women. I don’t think it’s much about appearance, it’s more about mental attraction. He is undoubtedly one of the most “grown up” character of the show. He acts and talk extremely maturely for someone of his age. However, he still has a lot of growth to do emotionally wise.

An older partner will offer him that stability, mental and emotional stability, he is looking for.

He wants someone independent like he is. Yet someone that’s comfortable enough in their skin to know when it’s time to drop the wall and be close.

If there’s one thing he loves is learning. Not necessarily in the traditional sense, but learning also through actions and experiences in order to level himself up. So, like I said, a partner who’s 1/2 years older already, and has a different perspective on life than him, would be a great match. Someone that’s comfortable enough travel a lot even, maybe even a foreigner I’m thinking (?). Offering him a complete different approach to life.

He is not into PDA, but at home it’s a different story. His love is subtle but loud enough that if anyone is paying attention they will notice. From the stolen glances in public, to his pupils slightly enlarging when he sees you, his cheeks dusting lightly with pink when you caught him staring or you two exchanged a quick peck or cheek kiss before you leave.

Or it’s the way he is so attentive to your needs. It’s the way he knows your favourite colour, your favourite season, food and anything there’s to know. The way he would pay attention when you go on a walk and you stop in front of a window browsing.

The way he sees more relax around you, less stressed in a way, and more in the moment. It’s the way, he subconsciously, reaches out to you interlocking your pinkies together. Or the way his body moves closer when in a crowded room/space.

The way he seeks contact without realising. It’s the way his whole face lights up when you enter the room, because you’re the light and he is the shadow (pun intended). Guiding each other through the uncertainty of life.

[yuikomorii]

do diaboy x yui ships count as proships? there are a lot of dl accs that have "proshippers dni" in their bios and while i agree that diaboy x yui ships obviously aren't on the level of like incest or age gaps i thought proshipping also counts anything involving abuse/noncon which is exactly what every diaboy x yui ship is. idk this has always bothered me

// I feel like ever since people discovered the word ‘pro-ship’, all fandoms got even more annoying, since it’s such a bad way to generalize something. Just write down in your dni list the type of topics that make you uncomfortable and that’s it.

I don’t get how toxic fictional relationships are seen as just as bad as incest and pedophilia. People read dark romance out of curiosity about power dynamics, or are masochists who get thrilled by being desired to the point of obsession, but that doesn’t mean they’re endorsing abusive behavior in real life. There’s usually a focus on the characters’ growth or redemption, which gives the story some emotional resolution. Reading about these fictional scenarios is not against the law anywhere.

On the flip side, unlike dark romance, pedophilia is universally condemned, not just because of the obvious moral issues, but because people with those kinds of attractions have an inclination to act on them in real life too. This makes it a much more concerning issue, as it can lead to real-world consequences, with the potential to endanger actual children— a big reason why content showing children in any sexual situation is banned in many places. Whether it’s fictional or real, such material is considered a serious risk to both society and children, with severe legal charges for those who create or share it. Similarly, content that romanticizes incest is also often banned.

[ckret2]

Answering the second half of this ask now.

Yeah, I'm interested in Jack/Aku. It's not my favorite ship in the fandom*, but it's up there.

(*My favorite ship in the fandom is Aku/Scaramouche and I won't derail this post by talking about it but please. Somebody ask me. Give me the excuse I need.)

For reference here's my Does Aku Is Gay? post (the ultimate conclusion is "my god, I think he is does gay") and a post of a few random headcanons about Jack & Aku's relationship in a general/platonic sense.

When it comes to shipping I think "could that work out?" is the wrong/less interesting question. Like, in this case, no, in canon I don't think it could work out.

The more interesting question is "what would it take for it to work out?

The first step is you have to decide that, if there were no dealbreakers, each would find what the other one has going on sexy and/or romantically attractive. And that's a matter of pure headcanon. Personally I prefer headcanoning that a ship's compatibility is rooted in being drawn to each other's personalities rather than physical traits, but that's a matter of taste.

Jack seems pretty exclusively into babes but you could go "well maybe he ISN'T. Maybe he's bi and into redheads." Or you could go "Aku's half-seduced Jack as a hot babe so many times that those emotions just kind of eventually transferred over to Aku in his real form." Or "due to some extremely complicated plot reasons and/or a genderbend AU, Aku is now long-term disguised as a hot babe and/or is a hot babe." Or "Jack's sexually attracted to women but romantically attracted to whatever."

We have no hints about what, if anything, Aku is into. What we know is that until he meets Ashi, he's pretty damn sure he hadn't done anything that would give him kids, but that could mean a LOT of things. So you can go ham. Make up any bullshit you want. "He's into the strong silent stoic type." "The reason Aku calls himself 'shogun of sorrow' is because he actually thinks samurai are SUPER sexy and likes fantasizing about getting to order around thousands of them." "When he gained sentience his sexual preferences imprinted upon the first living thing he saw, and like,, Jack is the emperor's son." "Aku can't get off unless his life is in danger and he's spent decades trying to prevent Jack from catching on during their battles." "Aku is a Thing Of Evil that has Never Known Kindness so if he's on the receiving end of Jack's endless sympathy & generosity ONE TIME he's done for." Anything. Go wild.

The second step is getting past the dealbreakers.

This is the hard part.

"Jack is trying to kill Aku" and "Aku destroyed Jack's home, has tormented him for years, and is actively oppressing the whole planet" are dealbreakers. But even if they didn't have that history and were meeting for the first time with none of that going on, "Jack is a heroic do-gooder" is probably a dealbreaker for Aku (unless you wanna headcanon "Aku has an embarrassing kink for heroes" or something) and "Aku is, like, just evil, and his life goal is to be as evil as possible" is DEFINITELY a dealbreaker for Jack.

If you don't wanna make it a ROMANTIC ship you could get around it by giving them reasons to be attracted to each other, skip over giving them reasons to like each other, and just make it hate sex. Combine "Aku gets off to being imperiled" with something like "spending his puberty in combat training made Jack get turned on by subjugating an opponent" and end up with something like "after an hour-long battle Jack's got his sword to Aku's throat, You Won't Guess What Happens Next (it isn't Aku dying)." Or go for the traditional "the villain has captured the hero and is now torturing him (erotically)." There's a billion variations for hate sex.

But if you DO want it romantic—or even just platonically friendly with benefits—you gotta deal with those dealbreakers.

Various options I can think of, in no particular order:

1. Instead of "Aku is made out of Pure Evil" make it "Aku is made out of Pure Darkness, which everybody just assumed is evil," and since Aku was treated like some sort of arch-villain from his creation he just took it for granted that yes he is evil and never bucked against that role. Taking this route opens up the possibility that: 1) Aku could realize he's not inherently evil (or maybe something could cause Jack to realize it and go "hey what gives?" so Aku realizes it next), 2) Aku has an identity crisis as he realizes his entire life is built around the belief that he's something he never was, 3) *insert some reason to motivate Aku to change instead of just go "oh well, who cares about nature vs nurture, I embrace being evil ✌️"*, 4) shove Aku down a redemption arc, perhaps with assistance from Jack who's cautiously sympathetic now that he knows Aku's somewhat of a victim here of being unnecessarily pigeonholed into a life of villainy, and 5) maybe seal the deal by going back to the past to undo all the evil from the start so that now bam Aku's never actually done anything bad and Jack doesn't have to feel guilty about liking him now, if you want a nice tidy uncomplicated happy ending.

I'm not a fan of this because I prefer for Aku to be actually (and joyfully) inherently evil, but that's a matter of personal taste. You can make a compelling plot out of this scenario, and who doesn't enjoy taking the most irredeemable villain character possible and trying to finagle a redemption arc anyway?

2. Go with "Aku isn't inherently pure evil, everyone just sorta assumed it" except Aku knows and he just likes being evil, then insert a reason to force him to change and take the redemption arc. Like "there's a BIGGER threat that's gonna DESTROY THE EARTH and Jack & Aku have to TEAM UP to STOP it—and OH NO, it turns out THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE EARTH is Aku doing something GOOD and POSSIBLY SELFLESSLY SELF-SACRIFICIAL! I hope making this choice doesn't irrevocably change his personality from now on!"

Again, not my taste because I prefer the challenge of imagining him actually Pure Evil; but also again, that's just my personal taste and the story could work.

3. say Aku's still pure evil, but for some reason for the greater good greater evil? his own self-interest, Aku has to ACT in ways that are good, against his own nature, and then contrive the plot such that making the change a permanent part of his behavior is mandatory. This'll take effort to pull off convincingly, but that's what would make it impressive if it was done right. Maybe allow him some "acceptable" avenues to do evil. ("yeah you can torture these guys, they're serial killers. Sure you can burn down the ruthless bandits' camp.")

4. Keep the hate and keep the dealbreakers but force them in some kinda situation where they each see in the other the traits that you've decided they each personally find attractive. Maybe stick them in a situation where they CAN'T continue their mutual murder attempts and thus it's temporarily irrelevant (Aku's powers are being suppressed + Jack's lost his sword—AND THEY'RE SNOWED IN TOGETHER and there's ONE BED and it'll be ALL NIGHT before the weather clears up enough for them to travel to the town where Jack's sword was left in the lost & found and Aku dropped the antidote to this power-suppressing curse), and so as long as they can't do anything about their hate, why not pretend for a few hours that it doesn't exist, and pretend... It's probably gonna have a tragic ending, most likely they go back to the canon status quo—but YOU know there's secret yearning for A Love That Can Never Be underneath, and isn't that what's really important?

5. Say they've been fighting for like ten thousand years and they're both so worn down from this battle that they no longer have nor care about their ancient morals anymore and the only constant in each other's lives are each other and aren't they tired of fighting, wouldn't they rather just lay down the sword and eye lasers and collapse together into the uncomfortably comforting familiarity of each other's company? Give up. Give in. Rest now. There's only one bed.

6. Brainwash Jack! Make him evil! Maybe a partial resurgence of the Aku Infection, maybe some kind of magic, maybe future science brainwashing lasers, whatever! Bad ending for Jack but good ending for Jack/Aku! Would take some finesse to make evil Jack still seem like Jack rather than like some brand new evil character that we're told is Jack but doesn't actually seem like him in anything but appearance—like,, the evil Jack we see in canon isn't actually Jacklike in personality, y'know?

7. Brainwash Aku! Force him into the path of some god's divine soul-purification beam and turn him good against his will! Come up with a ritual to forcibly alter his nature to make it good! Smack him real hard on the head and when he comes to and asks where he is and who he is go "you're my noble shadow sidekick and definitely NOT evil and we fight crime together." Again, would take some finesse to make Aku still feel like himself.

8. Brainwash them both! Aliens are mind controlling them for their own sick amusement! They both got hit with a magic spell that gave them amnesia and now they're bumbling around the wilderness assuming they're besties because otherwise why would they have been hanging out together! Whatever!

And in any of the brainwashing cases, if you want you can later reverse the brainwashing and have them go "I got in too deep while I was brainwashed/while you were brainwashed, I don't think I can go back to the old status quo anymore, what now"

9. I think Jack is the kind of guy who couldn't possibly develop romantic feelings toward some villain who's ravaged the world but I don't necessarily think Aku absolutely couldn't develop romantic feelings toward some hero trying to kill him. If you went "but well maybe he could develop feelings?" I'd go "All right, it's unlikely but not necessarily flat OOC."

Aku pulls the ol' "pretend to be a hot chick to get close to Jack" routine, realizes with horror that he's actually falling for Jack, and then has to decide what to do about it—break it off and run (but ah! the feelings linger, perhaps triggering a redemption arc, certainly making him hold back during future battles with Jack), or maintain the ruse and just sorta alternate between going back to his castle to be a villain and fight Jack and then taking a break to resume the disguise to travel with Jack (perhaps resulting in... character growth??), or maybe maintain the ruse long term until Jack figures it out and/or dies. And what if Jack reciprocates the feelings for Aku's hot chick disguise. What then.

Likely a tragic ending, and most happy endings would be unconvincing, but you could finagle a happy ending into working with some effort—it would likely require either major effort to give Aku a redemption arc, or MAAAJOR effort to persuade the audience that, when Jack finds out about the disguise, he's already so in love with this side of Aku he's never seen/imagined before that he's willing to overlook, you know, all that.

But tragic ending is easiest. Keep it romantic by keeping them both infatuated but TORMENTED by the fact that IT CANNOT BE because Aku will never change and Jack will never surrender, AND YET THE LONGING FOR SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLE REMAINS. You can wring a lot of choice angst out of that. even if the relationship isn't there, the feelings are there, and that's like the ship succeeding.

10. Just keep it simple by sticking them in an AU where none of that drama is a problem. Any AU. Make up whatever the hell you want. Aku's a demonic barista at the local coffee shop and Jack has been coming in every morning for the last two weeks going "do you serve tea? :)" and Aku says "for the last time NO" and Jack goes ":(" and on the fifteenth day Aku slaps down a box of tea bags he bought himself and goes "here's a cup of hot water make your own damn tea." Aku goes "yes, I am pure evil down to my core, but it's because I'm a barista and I have to take orders from customers, who do shit like try to order tea from a coffee shop" and Jack goes "honestly completely understandable, I don't hold this against you at all" and Aku goes "so now I plan to take over the world and burn everything to the ground" and Jack goes "I am given to understand that's a common reaction to working in the food service industry." I got too into this joke. Anyway: AU.

11. Not alternate universe but alternate timeline where they never became enemies.

Just like, go back to the moment Aku was set on a course for evil and instead maybe Jack's dad goes "WOW you're a big scary fucker, wanna come back to my kingdom and be our personal army and kill invaders?" and Aku's like "killing people?? sure I'm in" and now Jack grows up going like "dear diary today I again had a distant glimpse of the dark god who guards our kingdom fighting off invaders, I wish he would visit the palace more often so I can appreciate his strange shadowy physique from up close who wrote that"

or say Aku did kill the emperor the first time they fought and the newborn prince was smuggled out of the devastated kingdom and grew up in a rough demonic-war-torn region so that by the time he meets Aku as an adult he's like "oh you need soldiers to help you conquer the world faster? I've killed like seventeen people for money and food and I'm decent with a sword, is that good enough? why no I don't know anything about the emperor you killed or his family, why do you ask?"

12. Groundhog Day plot where Jack finds a time portal but decides to use it to prevent ANY of Aku's evil from EVER happening and keeps trying again when he doesn't succeed, and after 200 loops he goes "wow there are hidden sides to Aku I never imagined" and "I know now what I must do to ensure Aku never harms or has harmed ANYONE... seduce him to the side of good."

Some of the above options are kind of cheats. Some are kinda cheesy, some are kinda cliche, and all of them are very subject to personal taste—what would work for some audience members wouldn't work for others, any of them could get someone to go "well what's the POINT if you're using XYZ trope, that basically doesn't count" or go "characterizing them that specific way simply seems OOC to me" or "I can accept Aku being turned on by almost being killed but I draw the line at Jack being attracted to redheads." Whatever! I don't like all the above ideas myself.

But like... they're stories that would work for somebody. It's up to you what you'd like or what you think "makes sense" or what you think would "count" as doing it "right."

so conclusion: Jack/Aku couldn't work out... but you could MAKE it work out. And on top of that there are so many beautiful, interesting, yearning-filled, grief-filled, angsty ways it could fail to work out—and for some people "they both acknowledge they FEEL something, even if they can't get it to work out" is enough to say that the ship happened.

[esquilone]

What I would say/i guess about women who are attracted to Micah Bell and Javier Escuella:

(I fit into this group of women) (˙༥˙(👈

❤︎ Javier and Micah are the characters I'm most focused on in the game and in the fandom, but I intend to talk about other members of the gang if anyone wants me to.

❤︎ Note: the images aren't mine, they're from Pinterest, I just edited them and changed details and made a cover for this post! :p

𝓜𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓱 𝓑𝓮𝓵𝓵 -

In my view if a someone feels attracted to Micah Bell, I’d say she has a thing for chaotic, unpredictable, and somewhat dangerous men. Micah is treacherous, manipulative, and extremely violent, but he also has a twisted charisma and unshakable confidence. This might suggest that she’s drawn to unapologetic rude man’s (bad boys? No…I don't think that's the right term for him, I'll explain later) who exude self-assurance and an “I do whatever I want, no one can stop me” attitude. Fascination with danger, being ordered around and “threatened”, something almost sadistic...the desire to possess or be taken by something/someone in which the relationship would be seen as forbidden or absurdly impossible, especially if the couple don't resemble each other in the slightest.

If I were to analyze their types:

I did some research with AI, psychology videos and voices in my head (lol-), so I came to the conclusion, almost certainly because I'm not a health expert, but I believe the conclusion corresponds to my summarized research:

❤︎ One of the most evident reasons or possibilities, repeating once again: questionable charisma and danger. Micah has a charismatic nature, with a strong presence, confidence, boldness, and a sense of security. He attracts many people, even those who question his morality. A visible aura of conscious danger can be thrilling, especially for those who are drawn to dominant and unpredictable personalities, as he always appears unfazed and unintimidated by others. It’s no coincidence that he didn’t panic when he was shot by Dutch or when he repeatedly clashed head-on with Arthur.

Many people are fascinated by charismatic villains, and Micah, with his rustic style and confident attitude, can be captivating. Additionally, some people are attracted to troubled men, believing they can change them, feeling drawn to problematic individuals because they think they can “fix” or “save” them, romanticizing the idea that he could be different with the right love. I believe this could happen, but it would depend a lot on his own effort. Normally, people don’t change completely because of the environment in which they grew up and learned—both childhood and adolescence play a huge role in shaping an individual. The way someone is raised (whether well or poorly) MOLDS who they become and how they act.

Example: extremely strict, conservative people, and in many cases, Christians—mostly Protestants—often learn from their families certain prejudiced expressions and statements that were justified as biblical in many cases, even though not all of them were concrete. Some were used to “cover up” acts and speeches against these groups of people. That being said, I can say that Micah is somewhat of a patriot, even if he isn’t particularly religious. The way he was raised by his father, possibly even being distant from his own mother, made him completely closed off, locked inside his own world of justice and reason. He is an adult and knows how to make choices, he knows what is right and wrong—even if his sense of morality is distorted due to the way he was raised and taught by his father. If I’m not mistaken, Micah is the youngest son, and maybe that’s why he kept doing what his father did—perhaps in an attempt to please him, to be greater than him, or maybe just to avoid forgetting someone he barely remembers

JUNGIAN SHADOW: The Repressed Side of the Psyche

❤︎ Carl Jung, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist born in Switzerland, conducted research and described a “shadow” as an unconscious and repressed part of a person’s personality, where traits, desires, and impulses that do not fit into the conscious or socially acceptable identity (the one that divides a person in terms of moral good and evil) are stored. The shadow can contain both negative aspects, such as aggressiveness and selfishness, as well as repressed qualities, such as boldness and a desire for freedom. Carl began developing the concept of the Shadow around the 1910s. Micah Bell presents himself as an individual who does not care about social and moral norms. He is treacherous, grumpy, mocking, and opportunistic, but also extremely free, proudly self-confident, and fearless. For some people, especially those who repress certain desires or more primitive impulses, he can become an irresistible symbol. Perhaps they project onto him what they secretly wish to be or experience—whether it be the feeling of power, strength, lack of restraints, or the freedom to act without guilt. The attraction to someone like Micah may stem from an unconscious identification with this shadow, as he embodies aspects of the psyche that some would like to express but cannot due to societal norms or their own self-control.

Attraction to the Feeling of Power and Domination, to the Alpha Male

❤︎ The idea of the “alpha male,” which is a bit of a cliché term—I don’t know—is deeply rooted in biological and social instincts. For much of human history, survival depended on strength, dominance, and the ability of men to lead in tribal societies. Although social dynamics today are more complex, the attraction to traits associated with power and leadership remains strong in many people.

Micah have exudes this brutal survivor energy. He fears no one, manipulates to get what he wants, and always maintains control over situations. Even though he is despicable, he is a strategist and survives in a world where the weak are discarded. For some people, this behavior conveys strength and raw masculinity—something that can trigger an unconscious attraction, especially in those who value security, protection, or dominant leadership. Another psychological factor is that some people are drawn to danger and unpredictability. Someone like Micah will never be boring; he will always be a challenge, mainly because his actions are unpredictable. For some people with a more submissive personality or who seek dominant figures—someone who gives them the feeling of “he is in control, I don’t need to ask, he takes care of it”—he may seem magnetic, even with his cruel behavior.

( - ❤︎ - )

𝓙𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓻 ����𝓼𝓬𝓾𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓪 -

Now, if a woman likes Javier Escuella, the story is quite different…. Javier is a loyal man (at least to some extent), passionate about life, music, and camaraderie. He has a Latin charm, a romantic side deep down, and gives off an energy of a “seductive outlaw.” This could indicate that she’s attracted to men with an exotic touch, who mix charisma with passion and emotional intensity. Maybe she’s drawn to adventurers—rebels who still hold onto some sense of honor—someone who can be dangerous but also has principles.

❤︎ A woman who likes Javier Escuella prefers a more romantic rebel—someone who can be dangerous but still carries passion and loyalty (to his own interests). It’s more about intensity and adventure rather than pure self-destruction. In fact, it's said both in the game and on websites and books that Javier fled Mexico fearing for the lives of the people he loved, not for his own skin. He killed a man of power because he was in love with a woman who was married to this man of "power". But I don't remember if this question of being in love is one hundred percent affirmative, I didn't smoke anything while I was playing and I think he says it like this….look:

I firmly believe that Javier is not a fool, he wouldn't kill someone for no apparent reason, not even in the heat of the moment, in that scene of the separation of the gang he shows himself confused and analytical about everything that happened in the gang, so much so that I believe that he thinks he and Bill decided to leave, I didn't see Javier or Bill in the scene where Arthur climbs the stone hills, I only remember Micah, Dutch and those other two men that Micah took to the gang. So in my opinion the military man or man of power that Javier killed for the woman he loved, possibly did something against the workers or even to her, if he was going to stay with her he would have known exactly how to escape even if it was risky, maybe this man would have discovered the betrayal and killed her or beat her, or something worse... Mexico at that time was known as a violent place, where the minority that suffered the most were women.

If I were to analyze their types:

I don't think Javier needs that much analysis for someone to like him, he doesn't have any kind of Red flag 🚩, so let's say....right right, I did some research and one of the traits that is most included in attractiveness would be personality and Identification. Javier is a loyal, charismatic, and enigmatic member. His blend of honor and pragmatism can attract people who seek trustworthy and loyal figures but also have an independent and rebellious side that refuses to be stepped on.

Personality Theory (Big Five) and Connection to Attachment Theory:

According to attachment theory, many people seek partners who offer a secure attachment—someone who is present but not overly controlling. Javier represents this balance, as he appears committed and protective without being suffocating. He cares about those he loves, but does not deprive them of their freedom. According to this theory, people with high agreeableness may feel drawn to his loyalty and sense of brotherhood. Meanwhile, those with greater openness to experience (similar to him) might relate to his free-spirited nature.

❤︎ Agreeableness - is a personality trait that refers to the tendency to be cooperative and compassionate rather than suspicious or antagonistic. Individuals with high agreeableness are generally more respectful, friendly, generous, helpful, and committed

The Instinct of Care, the Fantasy of the Protective Partner, and the Need for Security and Protection:

Many women (and not just women, even some small groups of men) feel attracted to men who give off a sense of security, not just physically but also emotionally. And Javier shows unwavering loyalty to his group and his companions, which can be seen as a sign of reliability and stability. He’s someone who doesn’t abandon those he cares about, but for him, loyalty is the trunk of the tree of morality, which can create a feeling of comfort and protection—something that is exceptionally sought after and desired among women.

Javier can also be seen as the archetype of the “protective partner,” someone who defends those he loves and is willing to fight for them. This trait—once again, repeating—can trigger the unconscious desire to be cared for and protected, especially in women who value relationships built on trust and mutual security.

Psychodynamics and Projection:

Carl Jung, who I mentioned earlier at the beginning of the post, would probably say that male figures like Javier can represent—repeating again—the archetype of the “loyal companion,” someone who combines empathy and strength. For some, he might symbolize qualities they wish to express or find in another person. What people seek and value the most are deep emotional connections, so they might find themselves attracted to the way he engages with others. Those who repress desires for adventure, a sense of justice, loyalty, or independence might project that onto him, admiring his free-spirited life since they don’t allow themselves to live that way.

And lastly.....

Attraction to the Exotic and the Mysterious Past:

Javier has a foreign background—he’s Mexican—and a past that’s barely explored (which I firmly believe could make up half the story of a full game; he’s so underdeveloped, unfortunately). This can spark interest in people who feel drawn to the curiosity about his past or even to the idea of an outsider. Psychologically, the effect of novelty on something unknown can make that attraction even stronger.

So, I can conclude from these analyses that women/girls who are attracted to both Javier and Micah Bell likely have a fascination with extreme contrasts. On one hand, she values loyalty, protection, and deep emotional connection (Javier fits here); on the other, she feels drawn to danger, unpredictability, and limitless freedom (Micah fits here). This may reflect a duality within herself (which I also feel)—a desire for security and stability, but also a curiosity for controlled chaos and the forbidden thrill in their stark differences.

Maybe you’re someone who seeks different intensities in relationships, who is interested in psychological complexity, and who might have a repressed sense of pride that expresses itself through these opposing attractions or through the actions of the character you feel drawn to. I believe that people in our group take pride in having a partner who matches their “ANIMUS”—a confident partner who is admired or desired for their control over what they do or simply for being great at it. This also helps shape your own image as their partner. Couples where one person is striking make the second partner more interesting, sparking curiosity about “who?” or “how?” the person managed to win and claim them.

CINEMA! I’m going crazy, creating theories and analyses—this is fun and makes me happy! 🚶🏻🤸🏻

[bengiyo]

The Knowing: Being Queer in BL

I’ve been talking about The Knowing a lot lately with @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @ginnymoonbeam and @shortpplfedup and so I felt it was time to gather all those thoughts into one place.

I define The Knowing as “growing up and suffering with the knowledge that you are queer (specifically that you are not like other kids) and understanding that you must keep that knowledge to yourself.”

Part of what initially drew me to BL was how often many of these shows took place in what @absolutebl calls “The Bubble” where cultural and structural homophobia is less prevalent or nonexistent. Many of these stories are about guys learning something about themselves for the first time when it comes to being attracted to other men. However, I always find myself drawn to the characters that clearly Knew who they were a long time ago. What’s interesting about these characters is that many of them carry an intense sadness and loneliness that plagues them and their relationships.

I am in my mid-30s. I’ve had to unlearn a lot of language over the decades. When I first realized I was different from other kids I was eight years old. I was a lot like Chiron in Moonlight (2016) asking the question, “What’s a faggot?” I wish I’d had someone like Juan around to say, “A faggot is a word used to make gay people feel bad.” To which Chiron asked, “Am I a faggot?” and Juan quickly corrected. “Nah. You can be gay, but you ain’t gotta let nobody call you no faggot.” I know it’s hard for some of you to read slurs written out so plainly, but I grew up with them being part of the day-to-day language used by kids around me. If you instinctively recoiled at me typing the word four times, imagine experiencing that constantly for your entire adolescence while also fearing the consequences of being discovered by your peers. That’s what I survived. That’s what some of these boys survived.

Before I learned other words, I thought I was weird or broken. I knew I was drawn to boys before I even hit puberty, but I didn’t have language for existing on the ace-spectrum until I joined Tumblr in the early 2010s. Before that I just thought there was something wrong with me. When we see a character in BL who has clearly been gay for a long time, I find myself examining the environment around them to see if they suffered The Knowing.

The worst part of The Knowing is for the boys who can pass as straight if they try hard enough. I always talk about how I think femmes are stronger than those of us (like me) who can pass. They face the public scrutiny of being queer and the danger of that constantly. People like me often go unnoticed unless we’re amongst our peers or explicitly tell people who we are.

I’m writing this post as a love letter to the boys who suffered the Knowing. Sometimes these characters get a bad reputation in fandom for being boring or sad sacks, but they are the characters I love the most. I’d like to talk about some of my favorite boys who Knew. Unsurprisingly, the exact kind of melancholy Japan is willing to play with means they have strong presence on this list.

Korn (Until We Meet Again)

Korn is the character who began my discussion about this in a conversation with @wen-kexing-apologist about Kao’s acting. I pointed out that the saddest thing about Korn in Until We Meet Again is that he knew what he was going to do the entire time. The tragedy of UWMA is that Korn loved Intouch and let him in, and unfortunately learned that Intouch’s love couldn’t fix the horrors that plagued him. You can see it in Kao’s eyes for the entire show whenever we see the In and Korn flashbacks. He suffers under the weight of masculine expectation and crumbles.

The Entire Cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday?

WDYEY is all about characters who Knew. Kenji and Wataru may have been unable to pass and have chosen to accept who they are, but we know Wataru suffered for it because of his feelings about family. Shiro hid who he was for a very long time, and still hides it from most people. His trauma from The Knowing regularly threatens his relationship with Kenji. Kohinata also clearly knew who he was the entire time, and works diligently for the life he’s built for himself. So much of this show is about being gay in a world that does not value us.

Book, Christina, and Yok (Make It Right)

Book is actively victimized because of The Knowing. He left his previous school and doesn’t live with his family because he was outed by a past boyfriend, and is disowned after revenge porn of him is posted.

Both Chrstina and Yok are femme and cannot pass. Unlike many of the boys in this show figuring out who they are, they are trying to survive without losing themselves.

Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken)

Li Ming has a gay uncle and still suffers The Knowing. He is hiding his attraction from everyone until he develops feelings for Heart.

Itou Akira (Life: Love on the Line)

We experienced the entire arc of this man’s life and how much The Knowing crushed him. This is probably the most The Knowing character on the list.

Oumi Mitsuru (Eternal Yesterday)

Oumi has such a frank expression of The Knowing and how much it hurts that he likes Koichi but feels like he can’t express it.

Takahashi Satoru (Koisenu Futari)

The man literally blogs about The Knowing, and it’s how Sakuko began to understand herself. He has a questionnaire prepared to help you figure out how long you’ve Known.

Ren (Tokyo in April Is…)

I wrote multiple posts about Ren and his experience with The Knowing. So much of what goes wrong for them is because Ren couldn’t believe that Kazuma could like him, too, and he knowingly faced the consequences of being discovered to save Kazuma’s life.

Pete (Love by Chance)

Pete knows who he is and can’t change it. Trump uses this against him. Pete doesn’t want Ae to be gay like him and suffer with the realities of being a Known Gay. Pete has one of the first coming out scenes in BL that I really enjoyed.

Cairo (Gameboys)

Cairo was clearly struggling with Knowing, and his close friend took his coming out from him. Cairo is a brat, but goddamn do I appreciate some of his angst.

See-eiw (My Only 12%)

He watched The Love of Siam (2007) and had a complete emotional breakdown as he was finally able to name his feelings for Cake. Top-tier expression of The Knowing.

Shin (3 Will Be Free)

I mean, we don’t have to look much further than his entire sad existence and being pushed into sex with a prostitute in the first episode. Also there’s, “It wasn’t that you didn’t like boys. You just didn’t like me.” Shin is the only boy in BL-adjacent media to suffer a specific version of The Knowing: being rejected and discarded by your own people in a homophobic way so they could stay closeted.

Phupha (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Phupha’s entire romantic angst is built around The Knowing and what others seeing him for who he is will do for him.

Pran (Bad Buddy)

Though Bad Buddy exists in The Bubble, Pran has one of the most painful versions of The Knowing I’ve ever experienced because his is wrapped up in family angst and an unrequited crush.

Lee Wan (Our Dating Sim)

Lee Wan suffered The Knowing and broke things with his best friend after confessing. The Knowing destroyed his ability to see a version of his life where he and Shin Kitae overcame the upcoming challenges together and so he takes that choice from Kitae. Crushing.

Ueda Minoru (Our Dining Table)

Minoru is so familiar with The Knowing that he preemptively breaks up with Yutaka after kissing him.

Kiyoi (My Beautiful Man)

The reveal that Kiyoi already knew who he was and noticed Hira the entire time? Beautiful. One of the best reveals in J-BL history.

Minato (Minato’s Laundromat)

This man is one of the sadder examples of The Knowing because he’s in a place where he understands who he is now, but the internalized homophobia cripples almost all of his romantic and closer relationships.

Han Baram (Sing My Crush)

This boy is suffering so much from The Knowing that his love confession song is literally titled “Letter of Apology.”

Oh-aew (I Told Sunset About You)

He Knew. “Are you proud of me?”

Noh Shinwoo and Shin Daon (Light On Me)

Noh Shinwoo clearly suffered The Knowing and was discovered. His bullies still plague him on the streets when they see him. Shin Daon was not surprised by his attraction to Woo Taekyung; he struggled with his parents expectations.

Nagisa (His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love)

Nagisa definitely Knew who he was and was probably going to stay quiet about it until Shun showed up in his life. What upsets me so much about Nagisa is that he is the one who leaves Shun later in the movie after pulling queerness out of Shun.

The Secret Crush on You Quartet

All four of them get a spot on this list for The Knowing. Toh, Kaojao, and Daisy clearly suffered The Knowing, and Som has clearly taken care of them for a long time.

Rocky and Judah (Quaranthings)

I love that these two explore The Knowing from a class perspective. Judah is wealthier and eventually comes out, but Rocky is poor and struggles with it a lot longer.

Han Tae Joo and Kang Gook (Where Your Eyes Linger)

The Knowing, bodyguard edition. The yearning between the two of these is palpable. It hurts that they can’t even talk to each other about it.

Mafuyu (Given)

He Knew and lost his boyfriend to The Knowing.

Kim Dong Hee (Unintentional Love Story)

He won’t acknowledge Go Ho Tae’s feelings because he feels a sense of loyalty to Ho Tae’s mom for taking care of him after his parents disowned him over the gay thing. Huge case of The Knowing.

Edit: New Additions October 7, 2023.

Nekoyashiki Mamoru (Kabe-Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized)

He describes a textbook case of the Knowing and finding community at the convention.

Zo (Hidden Agenda)

He definitely Knew, and got messed over by his friends badly for it.

Yuuki (Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend)

We almost lost Yuuki to the Knowing.

All of the Eclipse Gays

Literally all of them. The entire show is about how fascism turns queer people into agents working against their own community.

Joe (The Warp Effect)

He clearly Knew before his encounter with Army, and he also suffered for being outed.

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

What's Your Type? - Hotarubi Edition

This was originally requested by Anon who asked: "What kind of personality would each of the characters be drawn into?"

I had to split it up into a few sections, separating the boys by their houses so here's the next part. The links to all the others are below. I hope you like the headcanons!

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

Characters: Subaru Kagami, Haku Kusanagi, Zenji Kotodama x gn! Reader

Frostheim | Vagastrom | Jabberwock | Sinostra | Hotarubi | Obscuary | Mortkranken

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What sort of personality are the characters drawn to?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Subaru will be drawn to is a kind heart. You don’t have to be perfect all the time but if you show kindness, he’ll like you.

The same thing goes for being polite. Of course people have to deserve your respect but if you do your best to be polite to people, he’ll find himself drawn to you.

Subaru’s also attracted to people with strong morals. He has things he stands by firmly and appreciates that in others as well.

It’s not mandatory, but if you’re a laid back person, Subaru will find it a lot easier to get along with you than if you’re really high strung or energetic. It’s just the personality he gels with best.

Oh, if you’re a teasing person at all, Haku is going to be super drawn to you. He loves being able to banter with people that way.

In the same way, he’d love it if you can dish out comments and take them as well. It makes your back and forth banter even better if you’re both trying to see who cracks first.

I see Haku as someone who likes trying new things so he’ll be attracted to people who are daring or willing to step a bit outside their comfort zones.

But beneath all that, they have to be kind hearted as well. Haku might be a teaser but he cares deeply about those he loves. He wants to be with someone who cares deeply in return.

Zenji will be immediately drawn to anyone who’s even the slightest bit creative. He can’t help it, it’s just such a bit part of his personality and who he is.

I think he would be attracted to someone more on the calm side of things. He likes being able to relax with his loved one and his biwa in a quiet environment.

Someone who is open with praise would also draw his attention. He faces a lot of thinly veiled annoyance towards his music so some genuine praise would be nice.

You’d also have to be open minded to attract Zenji’s attention. Being in a relationship with him brings a lot of challenging hurdles and you’ll have to be willing to work on overcoming them together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[prettypei]

plot: satosugu bf headcanons (seperately); fluff!

reader: gn! Reader

parings: highschool! geto, gojo

warnings:none?? I don’t think so

(a/n): SUGURU ON THE MIND!!!! esp after that new ep gawd damn

✰GOJO

HES SUCH A LOSER BF

like you knew it from the way he asked you out

he planned to ask you out by making a cake that said "date me?" on it

he thought it was romantic

but gojo srsly cant cook

he even though he really likes sweets he cant even fry an egg so the cake turned out something like... imagine the worst cake possible with frosting everywhere and the message on top of the cake is unreadable and the cake is a weird brown color? yeah its like that

you agreed to go out with him anws

if you ever get in a fight hes definitely pullin up to fight with you, no matter how wrong you are

"cats are dogs" "yea they're basically animals so they're the same!"

will ask to copy homework EVERY. SINGLE TIME.

he claims that he trusts you like you grades vould be going downhill and he would still borrow urs

is the type of person to accidentally copy the name too

such a virgin everyone says he's a major f-boy but in reality he has never felt another person touch him romantically

he gives you goofy grins whenever he does sth stupid (and when he does it's mostly bc he wants to see you laugh)

calls you the most ridiculous pet names "sugar bby pookie bear"

also likes referring to you as candies like he called you liquorice one time???

has a habit of applying lip gloss... like A LOT.

"can I kiss u babe" "yeah lemme put on lip gloss rq" *proceedes to spend 10 whole minutes smacking his lips and applying lip gloss*

really big on pda hes suuupperrrr into it, but he'll tone it down if you're uncomfortable

if ur into it tho? he kisses you every two secs

TAKES THE WORST DATING ADVICE EVER FROM THE TRIO

"guys where shld I bring (name) on a date?" "Bring her to a sewer, that way they'll be scared and hug you."-geto "idk a therapist?"-shoko (in the end you were just grossed out, but he somehow makes it sweet and wholesome at the same time?)

✰GETO

he texts you a lot of memes (I'm sure this is widely agreed throughout the fandom lol)

doesn't hug you a lot in public but he does wrap his arm around your shoulder

he wouldn't be reallyyyy affectionate but if you are he'll accept your hugs with a little smile

he likes my melody more than kuromi

his love language is quality time, sometimes you'll spend dates just lounging out on the couch and doing nothing. However, he thinks it's much nicer than just being by himself

really great memory, he notices those small details about you that no one else does, or even the ones you're unaware of like when you always fold a napkin when you're at a restaurant yk hes cute like that

asks the weirdest questions ever: "do you think I'm a squirrel or a chipmunk?" respond with "I think you're an idiot" QUICK!!!

he gets super moody when his hair ties are missing, he has a whole bag of them at his dorm

allows you to give him silly hairstyles when he's sleepin <3

loves truth or dare and 20 questions

has a weird obsession with puzzles and he likes it if he’s piecing one together with you

he also gets competitive without knowing. Like even with you if you guys are at an arcade and you win him at basketball hoops he’s bitter

”let’s do it again I was not ready” “you said that 5 times and I still won” “NO”

he believes in astrology stuff

is more emotionally attracted to people than physically

he may come off as cold but he just doesn’t express as much as gojo

he sometimes paints (mostly watercolor) and a lot of them are of you or are inspired by you <333

MY POOKIE!!! Free my man he did nothing wrong!!!!

[olderthannetfic]

My two favourite things in the world are both books that have all the elements that I enjoy, and I mean this in the sense of both the ID-gratifying elements like whump and fucked up intriguing character dynamics, and broader and more poignant topics about society and humanity and how it all functions and also some fucking beautiful writing.

Thing A has a massive fandom, whereas thing B has a fandom of like 20 people. This is due to several factors: A got an adaptation and lots of promo, and is also in a genre that doesn't seem intimidating and that fandoms tend to like interacting with, whereas B begins in a way that feels too highbrow/complicated so loads of people bounce off of it even though in the end it has more or less the same mix of ID-gratifying elements and poignant commentary on human nature.

I need to be clear that it's the combo of the two (+the sheer quality of the writing and plotting) that makes those books my two favourite things ever. There's just something very comforting about a work of art that effortlessly gets the things that you perceive about the world at large and find important but ALSO includes all your favourite kinks and trashy romance dynamics.

Now, you'd expect the fandom A to water down the source material and reduce it to incorrect quotes but there's actually a large and quite popular contingent of people engaging with the more philosophical/moral/sociological themes of the work, with excellent quality meta that gets as much traction as the cutesy ship fanart and people going apeshit over the whump and the meowmeowness of the morally questionable characters. There's arguments and fandom drama as well but I cannot describe how much I fucking love it there simply because the average fan understands the source material fairly well and is ready to engage with all of its elements, hot romance and whump and reflections on human nature and all.

OTOH fandom B tends to attract snooty intellectual types - and you can immediately tell from the profiles that they're snooty intellectual types. Lots of people calling themselves "bluestockings" and having the most stodgy upper middle class academia person attitudes imaginable. Which makes sense because you need to have a certain level of... confidence in your ability to comprehend complex things in order to not give up on the canon material halfway through? There's a very prevalent attitude of thinking they're cooler than other people because they're into this super deep and complicated thing.

The funny thing is that they seem to absolutely refuse to engage with the actual themes of the work and insist on mangling them and misunderstanding the characters to gush over the whump and the toxicity of it all. This, combined with the small size of the fandom, and the snooty intellectual attitude (sensitivity to opposing opinions because they've built their entire personalities on being Very Smart and Always Correct included!), and the frequent incapacity to comprehend that sometimes the grey morality and ambivalence is ON PURPOSE, makes me very reluctant to engage with the fandom at all even though the brainrot about the canon material is by this point an integral part of my soul.

I go into the tag almost every day - it gets a couple of posts per week from the same 15ish people and almost all of the ones that aren't jokes that fall flat misunderstand the canon while being obnoxious and snooty and gatekeepy as fuck.

Whereas in fandom A nobody's really putting on airs - they're all like "yeah we like this popular thing, isn't it cool! let's talk about the cool thing!" I don't know what my point was with all of this, beyond the fact that, man, I WISH fandom B were more like fandom A and it makes me sad that it's not.

I just want more cool people that I can discuss shit I like with, yeah?

(funnily enough I'm pretty sure that like 50% of fandom B are also at least casual fans of A, or at least A's mid adaptation, they just don't often have a lot to say about it.)

--

*id

[slaaverin]

I just wanted to know your thoughts about this. We all know that Jimin and tae called eachother as soulmates but sometimes I wonder why Tae never introduced his soulmate to his wooga squad. We've never seen Jimin hanging out with them or we've never heard Jimin talking about them or them talking about Jimin. But Jungkook on other hand is so close with them. Tae introduced jk to his wooga squad. During their hiatus era We have seen him hanging out with wooga squad, going to skiing, movie premiere, concerts, gaming and the list goes on. We have heard Wooga squad members talking about Jungkook or supporting him but never seen anything about Jimin from them, who is actually Tae's so called soulmate. I really wonder why?? And reading this particular sentence which is mostly written by tae fans and tkk shippers when something comes up connecting jk to wooga squad is giving me a whole different vibe.

"love how all of Tae's friends adopt jungkook by default like he comes with the package".

Look.

I'm probably gonna attract a lot of hate with this post. But you know what? I don't care. I'm gonna speak my mind and tell you what I really think, not a toned down version of it. I want to give you my real opinions on this blog.

Of course I'm not in their lives so I might be completely wrong and I surely am. All of this is mere speculation and what I feel but I don't pretend holding any kind of truth.

First of all. The whole "Jimin & Tae are soulmates" I don't believe it anymore. I think it has not been the case for a long time. They don't particularly act like soulmates nowadays. Even in AYS I found Jimin's behaviour towards Tae kinda cold at times (it may have been the whole "guest" situation).

I think the soulmate thing is just for show but behind it I'm not sure they are as close as they were before.

Surely Jimin knows wooga squad but maybe he doesn't like hanging out with them as much. He may have other friends he likes spending time with more. Could be an affinity thing.

As for JK...I feel like our man has been alone at times and took the opportunity to hang out with Tae's friends just because.

You know how guys hang out together doing whatever but like it's not that deep? That's what I feel.

I think JK doesn't hang out with many people often, and maybe Tae offered some outings and such, even the Hawaii trip, and JK agreed just because he had nothing better to do just dudes being dudes or whatever.

But honestly I don't think he cares all that much about them in a deeper way.

They are Tae's friends first.

To me it was JK's way to deal with loneliness.

You know sometimes men they accept activities because it is a group thing. When people are in some groups sometimes they feel more normal. I think doing stuff with wooga squad made JK feel more like a guy his age and that's why he hangs out with them sometimes.

But does he care? I'm not sure. It might be by convenience.

And I don't know, maybe Jimin doesn't like them all that much? Jungkook would be more the type for me to go along with anything without too much care but maybe for Jimin that is not the same.

Once again I don't believe in the soulmate thing one bit for many reasons.

And I don't think JK specifically offers to hang out with them, more like it's Tae offering and JK just says yes because otherwise he would stay on his couch and do nothing.

Really I might be completely off but seeing even JK's behaviour towards Tae in AYS, honestly I think JK doesn't care all that much, as least not to the extent the whole fandom wants us to believe "they are family, they are close brothers". I don't buy it. I really don't. Sorry. It might have been true once and of course they get along and it's fine. I just don't think they are as close as everyone wants to believe. Damn I am closer with my friends than what we saw in that show. It felt like a cold shower.

So idk I think the whole thing really isn't that deep.

But once again it's my opinion and it's totally fine if you have a different one.

I won't answer to 28383737 asks telling me why I am wrong and such, so don't bother sending them.

It's just that I can't pretend to be in lalaland with the rest of the fandom where everything is perfect in paradise and especially holding this view on this blog to appease the masses when I have a completely different opinion and I don't want to lie to remain politically correct because that would be wrong???

But you know, really who cares what I think.

If you want to believe vmin are soulmates and tk are closer than brothers that's your right.

But since it's my blog I have the right to say whatever I want so if you don't like it, just don't read or block me it doesn't really matter to me

Tkkers can say that but when I read this type of phrase I'm like meh I don't think this is really what they think it is.

Do with all of this what you will

[pruneunfair]

My feelings on: part 8, Tears on a withered flower: the most annoying fandom to date so far.

I ask if this one was really that great since I've been seeing it all over the place on tiktok and Instagram and reading it myself, I can see why it would garner an audience because it's another "working woman finds a better man after her loser ex cheats on her with a stupid damsel girl" type story. It's kinda good but in my opinion: it's not THAT good but there is only 23 chapters I read so far so I'll let it marinate before I actually start going after it for the plot.

What I really wanna talk about is the fanbase of tears on a withered flower because while the manhwa community does have a problem with internalized misogyny this specific fanbase takes the cake.

I don't like saying the term "glazing" but it's the only way to accurately describe the way they treat the FL Na Haesoo because they are absolutely feral. First off, I've seen them lose their shit over other fans simply saying "I think that this female character has a prettier design then Hae soo." And these stans reply with the most immature and even down right laughable comebacks. I took some screenshot of a tears of the wither flower slide show to give you an idea.

"Hae soon is the main character for a reason."

Who's gonna tell them that protagonists can be written poorly?

Trust me, I'm sure no one's jealous of a fictional character.

Okay the context basically was that Hae soos coworker was just being real with her based on what she knows about Hae soos life and apparently fans took that as her being jealous and when people who actually read the god damn plot and use their critical thinking to point this out, the stans basically go "nuh uh" and continue to scream even louder. Personally when I read that chapter i took it as brutal honesty, from her perspective Tae Ha was hitting on a married woman and the two barely knew eachother. A little harsh but she's not jealous of Hae soo 😭 like we barely know this girl!

I think the most complained about aspect of tears on a withered flower is the anatomy, specifically the anatomy of all the characters your supposed to really like/care about.

I don't mind that Hae Soo is built like that cause while her anatomy definitely is unrealistic it's also a cartoon comic and cartoons have lots of bizarre forms of anatomy that don't always need to be accurate. With that said I don't find it a coincidence that the FL who is the most fleshed out and only grown woman who isn't meant to be disliked or made fun of is a tsunade cup sized babe with big thighs, a tiny waist, a nice butt, and a baby face.

Yeah I'll say it: Hae soo is another example of authors wanting to make a non conventionally attractive woman since she's supposed to be older (like 33) who is also overworked so she doesn't take care of herself but in the end they didn't have the balls to actually go through with it so they not only gave Hae soo an amazing figure and hair but they also gave her a clear face, tiny lips and barely noticeable eye bags which I still can't tell if they're even eye bags or just her eyelashes.

When anyone even dares to point out that Hae Soo's design is weirdly propionate compared to the other female characters you get hid with the "Your just jealous that you can't have a man like Tae Ha!!"

look i don't mind disproportionate anatomy in cartoon comics but if you give me character designs with more accurate proportions, I'm going to choose the latter for prettier looking designs.

Another thing about this manhwa was the dialog. I like it at times because it can be so poetic.. and then they just throw in some comically evil sentences for the villains that most sane people would not make the public aware of in a modern day setting. It's not something that really annoys me I just thought it was fun to laugh at every now and again while reading.

conclusion: I think the best way to describe tears on a withered flowers fanbase is kinda like how Netflix treats Bigmouth. No, TOTWF is definitely no where near levels of uncomfortable as Bigmouth but it's in the way that it really isn't as good as everyone claims, it's okay at first and then it got old and some people started opening up that the thought Bigmouth was garbage only for a bunch of stans to barge in with "You just don't get it!!" People won't let it go, they keep insisting it's the best piece of work to exist and anyone who doesn't like it is a jealous loser.