#there's so much there but she's just the side character in somebody else's story

[bobbinalong]

reading through steph's appearances from the beginning again (and this time i WILL read them all, no matter how long it takes me) and i don't remember being this annoyed last time lmao.

[n1ghtwr1ter]

At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.

Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.

And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.

She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.

And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.

But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.

Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.

They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.

And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.

And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.

But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.

It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.

But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

[jexnkookie]

The Law of Attraction (Lawyer! Jung Kook x Reader) [Part 3]

Story Synopsis: Throughout his life, Jung Kook has only ever loved one girl. Despite her being out of his league and of an elite class that he wasn't born into, he fell hard, keeping his feelings a closely guarded secret. When they parted ways, and Jung Kook pursued his law career, he did so with the intent of moving on. But when she unexpectedly arrives back into his life, Jung Kook finds himself once again face to face with his own insecurities, and the girl of his dreams.

Story Rating: M (18+) [Language, sex, depression, alcoholism]

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Characters/Pairings: Lawyer! Jung Kook x Reader (feat. Jimin x Reader)

Chapter Word Count: 2.8k

Authors Note: I've been at home with not much to do today, so I decided to add the third chapter for you all before the weekend ends. Once again, thank you all for the kind words and taking the time to read this story. I've also decided to start a tag list, after being asked for it, so if you'd like to be included in that, please just let me know! x

Taglist: @khadeeeeej

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Series Masterlist

The warm, morning sun peeked through the opening of the drawn curtains in your hotel bedroom, covering everything in a glowing light. Your mind slowly awoke, piecing together where you were, and what happened last night. You smiled at the thought, and reached out for your fiancé to hold him. But the side of the bed that was supposed to be his was cold and empty, making you open your eyes and furrow your brows. 

You got up slowly, walked out into the living room portion of your suite, and your eyes widened at the bottles of alcohol lining the coffee table. Jimin was there, passed out on the sofa, in a way you haven’t seen in a very long time. It made your chest ache for him, knowing he was slipping back into himself. 

“Honey?” You called out to no response. You walked over and kneeled down beside him, brushing his soft, blonde locks from his beautiful face. “Jimin…” 

He murmured something under his breath but refused to open his eyes, and moments later, he was back asleep as his body clearly tried to fight off the elevated alcohol levels in his system. You felt your eyes begin to tear up at the man in front of you, confused as to what could’ve sent him spiraling backwards. 

“You promised me you wouldn’t do this again, baby.” You whispered through spilling tears, knowing from experience that it was useless. He can’t hear you in his state. “You fucking promised me, Jimin… I-I can’t be around you right now, my love, I’m so sorry.” 

With that, you stormed into the bedroom and slid into a quick pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from your suitcase, grabbing your designer bag and phone. You began heading towards the door, but paused, looking back to the man you loved so, incredibly deeply. Not knowing what else to do to, you made your decision to look away from the heartbreaking disaster in front of you. You headed out the door, down the hall, and slipped quickly into the elevator to take you out of the building. 

The streets were busy, despite it being so early on a weekend morning. You loved the bustle of the city, as it offered a pleasant distraction. Watching people as you passed each other, you could easily slip into their life through your imagination. What job did they work? Were they single, or with someone? What did they like to eat? Did they have children? You could imagine it all, pretending to be somebody else in your mind, if only for a brief time. It was a coping strategy you learned as a girl, when you wanted to escape your own life, and the irony of it was never lost on you. You weren’t foolish, you saw the way people eyed your designer clothing, and you knew they must wonder what your life was like. They would never really knew that you would trade it all in for theirs, if it meant having a life that was just a little less complicated. 

Lost in thought, you had wandered several blocks down from your apartment, just exploring the beautiful neighborhood. You stumbled upon a homey-feeling American diner, with large windows on side, looking somewhat out of place built into the bottom floor of a large, very modern skyscraper. You could see in from where you stood across the street, and watched the staff bring coffee and delicious looking breakfast to each guest. The crosswalk light signaled green, so you began walking towards the restaurant, deciding to grab a bite to eat to clear your head. Maybe I could grab some yummy food for Jimin too, you thought, and talk things over while he sobers up. 

You entered through the front door, and the attached bell rang to alert the staff of a new customer.

“Good morning!” A sweet, red headed waitress with an apron tied around her waist called out in a sing-song voice from behind the counter. “Sit anywhere, I’ll bring you a menu!” 

“Thank you!” You responded, looking around for a place to sit. It seemed as though the place was a packed house, with every booth being taken. 

But there, in the back corner, you spotted a familiar face. Or, what you could catch of his face, as it was buried in his menu, with wide, boyish eyes looking over each option. You were thankful to see him, thinking it an intervention of some sort to keep you from having to be completely alone with your thoughts.

“Excuse me,” You walked over to the waitress who had greeted you. “That man in the corner there is a friend of mine, is he with someone?” 

“No ma’am.” She responded, shaking her head. “He likes to come in often and eat by himself.” 

“I think I’ll sit with him and surprise him, then. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t interrupting anything.” You smiled, which she returned. “Thank you.” 

You made your way over to him, with an unwavering grin on your face. When you arrived by his table, he still hadn’t looked up, lost on the seemingly endless food options on the menu. 

“Excuse me, is this seat taken? This place is so busy, I was wondering if I could join you?” 

Jung Kook’s eyes widened at the sound of that voice. The voice he would know anywhere, pleasant and gentle. 

“Y/N?” He responded, looking up at you. “What are you doing here? A-And of course, please, sit. Um, hi.” He mentally kicked himself for stuttering. Cool. He said sarcastically to himself. 

“Hi.” You giggled at his surprised and stumbling reaction. “I just decided to leave the hotel for a bit, and I spotted this place from across the street. It’s so popular, it must be delicious.” 

“Mhm, I come here sometimes and it’s always busy.” 

“Yeah? The waitress I talked to said she sees you in here often.” 

“O-oh… Yeah, I guess she probably does.” Jung Kook said shyly. 

You both made small talk over the food, the neighborhood and the local things to do that Jung Kook has discovered in his short time being here. While the conversation itself had little significance, happening over modest diner eggs, toast and coffee, the feeling Jung Kook had was indescribable. He never forgot, even after years of being apart, just how easy it is to have a conversation with you. The way you listen so intently, and keep your attention, as though nothing else in the world mattered. It made him feel so special and seen. Your voice was just as sugary as ever, and your giggles never changed, still able to make his heart race. He wanted to hear that laugh forever, and he wanted to be the man who made it happen. 

“Where’s Mr. Park this morning?” Jung Kook asks, suddenly noticing that you were alone. 

“Oh, Jimin?” You paused, hesitation not going unnoticed by the perceptive man sitting across from you. “He, um… He just wanted to sleep in. Jet lag and all that, y’know?” 

“Oh, right.” Jung Kook nodded, not wanting to dig deeper into your pregnant pause. It isn’t my business, he thought. “He seems like a great guy, by the way. You seem happy.” 

“Y-Yeah.” You stuttered, praying tears didn’t come to your eyes. “Jimin’s really amazing, he always has been. But um, what about you, Jung Kook? Are you seeing someone?” 

“No.” Jung Kook chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee. “No, I uh… I broke off an engagement back in Korea before moving to the city.” 

“You were engaged?” You asked, making sure you heard him correctly. “I’m so sorry to hear that it didn’t work out.” 

Jung Kook paused, thinking back to the woman whose heart he broke, as he looked at the woman who he’s always truly loved. You’re the reason I couldn’t love her. He said internally, gazing at your face. 

“It’s ok. I just think she wasn’t the one for me.” 

“Yeah? It sounds like you believe that everyone has someone perfect out there, just for them.” You said with a smile, and Jung Kook looked at your face, adoring the way the morning sun attached itself to your skin, making you glow. “I think so, too.” 

“I’ve always believed that. Everyone deserves to find their happiness.” Jung Kook said, his tone shifting in a way you couldn’t quite place, but his chocolate brown eyes were delicate as he looked at you. He swallowed, his tone heavy yet genuine when he added, “I’m glad you and Jimin found each other.” 

Your lips parted, attempting to find words that weren’t there. So you just nodded and offered a polite smile. The silence was thankfully cut short by the waitress, who brought your check. You went to reach for your wallet, but Jung Kook pulled his card out first and laid it onto the table. 

“Please, let me.” He said, his voice warm. “We’ll call it a thank you, for surprising me. I’m glad you did.” 

“Ok.” You grinned, unsure as to why your cheeks were heating up at his compliment. 

While you and Jung Kook were lost in your breakfast and conversation, Jimin had woken up to an empty hotel room. His head ached, but no worse than his chest did when he realized your absence. He had wanted to crawl into bed with you, hold you tight, and apologize for what he had done in the best way he knew how; cover your body with love, and spend the morning buried between your thighs as he pleasured you with kisses and soft, pressured licks.  But when the bed was empty, the panic set in. 

Quick thinking led him to go to his phone, and find your location, as you always shared your location with each other. He spotted your little dot on his phone at a diner, just a few blocks away, and Jimin felt a bit of comfort wash over him. She was just hungry. He thought, taking a deep breath. Let’s meet her there, she’ll be surprised. 

But what Jimin had not expected, was to see him there. The puppy-eyed lawyer sat across from you, and Jimin could tell even from across the street than the man held on to every word you said. Jimin knew that look well, because it’s how he looks at you, too. Jimin grits his teeth, and sends a quick text message to his main lawyer, Kim Namjoon. 

9:11 a.m: Something needs to be done about the new rookie on your team, because spending time alone with my fiancé is wildly inappropriate. See to it that this doesn’t happen again, or I will be finding new representation.  

9:12 a.m: *image attached* 

Jimin takes one last look at the scene in front of him, and goes back to the hotel room. He orders three more bottles, and passes out once again. 

——————————————————————————————————

On Monday morning, Jung Kook was feeling light. He entered his law firm building as he does every day; a freshly pressed black suit on, his dark hair neatly styled, and a cup of coffee in his hand. But this morning, he felt a bit happier, attributing it to a simple breakfast shared with you the weekend prior. He wished he could have breakfast with you every morning, but buried that thought, not daring to spoil his mood with fantasies. 

He sat down at his office desk, and began looking through his weekly calendar and emails. This week was the final week or preparation before the Park Jimin case truly begins, and Jung Kook was fully ready to explain to his mentor why he had told him last minute he needed to recuse himself. It would be the right, responsible thing to do, and it would give him space from you. As much as he wished he didn’t need it, he felt that he needed to move on. You found your happiness. It’s time to let you go. 

Namjoon entered Jung Kook’s office, and closed the door behind him. Jung Kook looked up at his face, which usually held a gentle, welcoming smile. This morning, however, Namjoon was clenching his jaw like a father who was trying not to explode on his son. 

“Jung Kook.” Namjoon said, his voice scarily calm. “I want… No, I need you to be honest with me. What is going on with you and Mr. Park’s fiancé?” 

“I’m not sure I know what you’re referring to.” Jung Kook answered professionally, causing Namjoon to roll his eyes. 

“For fuck’s sake, kid, drop the act.” Namjoon deep voice was almost a growl. “I’m going to lose out on a top client because you can’t keep your nose where it belongs.” 

“What-” Jung Kook was stopped by Namjoon throwing his phone down on his desk, a picture illuminating the screen. Jung Kook squinted at it, to see a photo of himself and you at the diner. 

“How did you get this photo?” Jung Kook asked, his heart sinking. 

“Mr. Park saw you. He’s furious.” Namjoon explained, pacing back and forth. “He called it ‘wildly inappropriate’, and threatened to find new representation if it happens again.” 

“Mr. Kim, I’m so sorry.” Jung Kook panicked. “Please understand, it’s a misunderstanding. Nothing happened, we was just-”

The office door knob turned, and a hush fell over the room. Jimin and yourself stood there at the door, hand in hand. Namjoon and Jimin locked eyes, and Namjoon could see that the client looked worse than he did just a few days prior. Dark, prominent circles were under his eyes, and his hair was slightly messier than before. Jung Kook noticed none of that, however, and stared directly at you. 

You were wearing dark sunglasses, with no thought to take them off despite being indoors. Your hair was seemingly brushed quickly, notably and uncharacteristically  not put together well. Your loose fitting clothes seemed carelessly thrown on, not styled perfectly in your usual fashion. You were quiet, head down, tightly holding Jimin’s hand and appeared to make yourself smaller, like you wanted to vanish into thin air. Jung Kook wanted so desperately to bring you in and hold you, shield you from whatever it was that made you look so tired, in such a short amount of time. 

“Mr. Park.” Namjoon greeted. “Good morning.” 

“Good morning.” Jimin responded, his throat sounding hoarse. “I came to fill out any paperwork, and tie up loose ends before we meet again next week.” 

“Of course, I was just talking with Mr. Jeon. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

“Mr. Jeon,” Jimin called out, his voice weak. “Mr. Kim informed me you were recusing yourself from my legal team for this case. I just wanted to thank you, for the work you’ve done.” 

“Y-You’re welcome, Mr. Park.” Jung Kook said, confused with the kind words. This wasn’t the furious tone that Namjoon had described. 

“My love,” Jimin turned to you, his voice extra soft and delicate. “Will you go with Mr. Kim to his office, please? I’ll be there soon, I just wanted to speak to Mr. Jeon privately about the case before he leaves us. I had some questions.” 

“Ok.” You said, your voice almost a whisper. Jimin squeezes your hand and kisses the top of your head before turning to Namjoon, who nods in understanding. 

“Right this way, Ms. Y/L/N.” Namjoon says gently, leading you out of the office. 

When you are out of sight, Jimin turns to you. The fury Namjoon spoke about is now prominent in his eyes, leading Jung Kook to realize that your presence is the thin defense that keeps his anger at bay. 

“Jeon Jung Kook.” Jimin spat. “I don’t know where you get off, eyeing up my fiancé in some cheap diner, but if I ever catch you sniffing around her again, I’ll ruin you. Do you understand me?” 

“Mr. Park, I never meant to offend you.” Jung Kook said. “Nothing happened. We just bumped into each other.” 

“I don’t want excuses, or explanations from you.” Jimin rolled his eyes. “I’m not a fucking idiot Mr. Jeon, I see the way you look at her. I’m warning you, to watch yourself. You’re from Busan, correct?” 

“Yes, Mr. Park.” 

“Then you know who I am, and who my father is.” Jimin’s voice was dripping in anger. “I will personally see to it that you never represent anyone in our city, or this city again, if you come near her. That’s a promise.” 

Jung Kook felt suffocated under the weight of the air and the weight of Jimin’s glare. Even in his disheveled state, his blonde locks dropping to his face couldn’t cover the anger in his eyes. Jimin stormed out of his office, slamming the door behind him, causing other office workers to startle and look into his room. Jung Kook buried his head in his hands, unsure as to what the right path to move forward is. 

[raviolism9]

Ok hi I am QUITE LITERALLY coming back from the dead just to rant & post about Mischa F**king Bachinski bc I have nowhere else and I NEED somebody to talk to about this. This is my roman empire & RtC has taken over my life 😔

So for all the RtC fans, we all know Jane's story was the saddest, obviously. But nobody talks about how ACTUALLY TRAGIC MISCHA'S LIFE & DEATH WAS. Had an amazing life in Ukraine, & BAM. His mom died of uranium exposure, so she set him up for adoption, thinking she was protecting him. Instead, he was forced to move to Canada, TO A CITY NAMED AFTER THE VERY THING THAT KILLED HIS MOTHER, with some of the actually most neglectful & abusive parents known to man. They practically shoved him into their basement & only left him food there, not even interacting with him, and when he did get out, his "new parents" would weep & shoo him away like an insect.

Because of this, AND FOR GOOD REASON, he became pissed at people & with life, and was dubbed the "angriest boy in town," when in reality he just had a sh**ty life & was just acting out because of his horrible neglect. And the one thing that kept him happy in his life, his online girlfriend Talia, might've not even been real (just an fyi, I hate the catfishing theory, but unfortunately it is a very likely possibility ☹️) . The one thing that made him passionate & brought him joy & meaning in his life wasn't even guaranteed to happen or even be true.

And the worst part? When he died on the Cyclone? If Talia is real (which I HC she was), she probably thought she got ghosted by a man that would go to the ends of the earth for her. He would kill & die for this woman, and she might've never even learned what happened to him after the accident, and thought that he never loved her at all, when she was actually the only person that he truly cared about. He cared to the point where even in the afterlife, he was haunted by her projections, always chasing her but never being able to be in the image's grasp, even when it shines onto his own heart.

Not only that, but he was also forced to make a choice between never knowing what kind of a future they would've had, or risking seeing it, & either mourning after witnessing the beautiful life they could've had together, or having his heart shattered after seeing that his Talia was just a fraud from the start.

Mischa was 17. He did not deserve the life he had because holy sh*t he is genuinely one of the most depressing characters I can name after thinking about it this much. Like Jane Doe is insanely tragic yes but NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS 😭

(also side note, as a Slavic person, Talia (as in the song) singlehandedly has the best Ukranian rep I have ever seen in ANY modern media. Hats off to the musicians & choreographers; it's clear you did your research 👏👏👏)

[strawberry-cowmilk]

Reaction to mc saying she's pregnant? Like they had NO idea. It's their child, maybe she hide it with magic or something and they generally couldn't tell, if that is okay! It's okay if not,

I just think it's a cute conecpt, like just pretend barbs doesn't look into the future,

Again it's okay is not! No pressure,

Wolf !

Hi, wolf! Of course it's okay! I hope you like it

they find out mc is pregnant after hiding it

-> brothers and side characters x mc (no luke)

mc's gender is not mentioned, but is pregnant, not proof read (somebody lmk if the tag is wrong)

content warnings: pregnancy, mild angst

-----

Lucifer

he's a little offended (??) hurt (??) that you hid it from him, were you afraid of his reaction or was he scary?

regardless, lucifer loves both you and the child to death from the moment he finds out they exist

he's going to take great care of you (though he might come off as a little overprotective)

if you are standing up for a minute too long he will let you sit down

Mammon

oh no, you were play fighting just yesterday, did he accidentally hurt you or the baby?

when those worries ebb away, mammon is so happy he's telling everyone at rad about it

yes he's sad you hid it for a long time but the happiness is way stronger than the hurt

'mc I'm gonna go to the mall to get baby's first gold bar' 'mammon the baby isn't even born yet-'

Leviathan

of course you hid it for a long time, imagine you're the child and you find out your dad is a gross otaku

you're gonna have to calm him down

it takes levi a while to warm up to the idea, but when he does he's really excited for his baby

he's going to want to read tsl to your stomach as a bedtime story (if the baby is a boy he wants to name him henry too)

Satan

satan is kind of in denial, if you were pregnant he would have known right? why didn't you say something?

he's never thought about being a father, he needs a moment to let it sink and do research on babies

but he warms up to the idea eventually, and he'll be the softest you've ever seen

satan got little children's books and those cute music boxes for when the baby comes

Asmodeus

out of everyone, asmo would me the most upset you tried to hide it

but he loves you and the baby so he forgives you soon

asmo might not know how to be a father at first, but he's willing to learn and raise the baby with you

plus he's going to want one of those maternity photoshoots, but if you don't it's okay

Beelzebub

yes he's not happy you kept it from him but baby :))

beel would do anything to make you and them happy

he's really worried you're going to get hurt though, if you're cooking together beel does not let you pick up a spatula or get close to the stove

also beel loves to hug your stomach, it's basically what he does every night now

Belphegor

he's not happy about it at first because he honestly did not want a child

but seeing you pregnant, realising you'd make a great parent, it changed his mind

belphie gets the best pillows and blankets so you can be comfortable while sleeping

if the baby is keeping you awake belphie will try to calm them down

Diavolo

he understands why you hid it from him, imagine getting pregnant with the demon prince's child- oh no are you scared?

it doesn't matter whether you are actually scared or not, diavolo will take his time to show you all is well, he's really happy to welcome his child

he took a picture of you and your cute baby bump, made it his ddd wallpaper and stares at it when he doesn't want to work

Barbatos

it took him by surprise, but barbatos can adapt quickly

he's really happy to be having a baby with you, he's ready to give you anything you need to make the pregnancy easier

do you want tea, a massage or something else? barbatos has got you

he can't wait to meet his baby, he doesn't want to use his powers and spoil it for himself

Simeon

...so that's why you could eat solomon's soup last week without getting sick

he forgives you for hiding it, surely you had a good reason

simeon loves the baby so much he sings lullabies he used to sing to luke for them already, this man's face physically softens every time he sees the baby bump

but really, maybe you should stay away from food that randomly appears in the fridge that simeon didn't make

Solomon

he's a little upset but that's okay, in all his years he's never felt this happy

he can't wait to hold his little baby for the first time

being a human too, solomon knows plenty of stuff about human pregnancy so that's great

'simeon why are you stopping me I'm just going to offer mc a sandwich I made'

[dj-of-the-coven]

So, I've been thinking for a long time about why Beat is the most mischaracterized guy in the main cast of twewy, and last night I finally had a breakthrough. It's not only because he's not as popular as the others (though that's a part of it, and the two kinda feed into each other). It's baked into the game. More specifically, it's built into Neku's perspective as the main character.

Twewy has a lot of complex personalities interacting with each other, and for the most part it does very well at walking the players through their thought processes--obviously done the best with Neku, since we can see many of his thoughts word-for-word, but the other characters get similar treatment too. Joshua gets fleshed out in secret reports as well as his interactions on-screen, and Shiki's story doesn't require a ton of meta-textual explanation since envy is a common experience for teenagers. Beat's the only one of the main cast whose character needs a lot of connected dots to make sense, and the game trains you from the beginning not to look too closely at him because at first you're supposed to be empathizing with Neku.

When Neku starts out being rude to Shiki, the player already gets that he's being a dickhead. Everybody knows somebody like Shiki in real life, and if you don't know her, you probably are her: she's sweet, passionate about her hobbies, and extends her compassion to the people around her with basically no prompting. She has relatable self-image issues. You don't need your hand held to understand that Neku is the one in the wrong. On the other hand, what about Beat? We know that Neku has issues to work out by the time he shows up, but the game takes Neku's side on some of his harsher criticisms. He's not the only one who comments on Beat being "stupid" and impulsive. Most of the characters he interacts with have a line or two making fun of him. The player is generally expected to laugh at him alongside the others--he's nowhere near as easy for the average player to relate to.

The teens playing twewy probably know what it's like to feel better than everybody else, like Neku and Joshua, or worse than everybody else, like Shiki, but I'll bet that most of them don't have the same rebellious spirit that Beat does. Statistically, it's just not that likely that everybody playing the game was a delinquent with shitty parents. I was; some people were, but not everybody. It's a feature of Neku's character arc that the game gets you to see Beat the way that he does originally, just to break down the facade by showing you his compassionate side. Beat couldn't help but save Neku even though it would get in the way of his goals. He's just that kind of guy, and doesn't that mean more than anything his intellect could provide? Beat's character arc helps you understand Neku better by design, because it gets you to see how somebody with a judgy leaning could end up being such an asshole with only a little encouragement. The game presents its players with someone easy to make fun of, goads them into making fun of him, and then shows them why that was wrong.

Unfortunately, while this is really good storytelling, it doesn't make for an easily-digestible character to make art and fics about. The player has to look past what the game (and Neku, Konishi, and Uzuki) thinks about Beat in order to find his depth. I could be talking out of my ass, but honestly I think that this, along with more than a decade of fans getting him wrong in fics, comics, and meme posts is the reason why players of the original game don't tend to appreciate him as much as the other main characters, even though Beat collectively has the most screen time in the series besides Neku. It originates with dickhead teenage Neku himself--the players just didn't learn to look past his initial perception.

[dontwantnoneunlessyougotmunson]

I have a request for ya! Just thought of this (sorry for the long entry 🫣)

what if Reader has been harboring a MAJOR crush on Eddie forever, and maybe they're friends, maybe not, maybe just acquaintances, I'll leave that up to you, but the Reader is this stereotypical shy, quiet, nerd girl who loves fantasy novels and (though no one would guess it just by looking at her) heavy metal and D&D and she's always been way too scared to tell Eddie how she feels (and she also knows he has a crush on Chrissy Cunningham and how could she ever compete with the Queen of Hawkins High? The Perfect Girl?). But then one day a group of bullies (maybe Carver and his Goons, maybe somebody else, again, I'll leave that up to you) somehow get a hold of her diary and read out the entry where she talks about how much she's in love with Eddie, out loud in the cafeteria during Lunch! Eddie's there, Chrissy's there, Reader is there, everyone, all of their friends are there, and of course the Reader is MORTIFIED and takes off running and hides somewhere else before anyone can say anything.

How it ends I will leave up to you 🙌 (but preferably fluffy 👀)

Vulnerability (Eddie X GN Reader)

Ehehe I’ve been writing this all morning and I love this request so much! *The diary entries are in bold italics. Also this was typed on mobile, so sorry for any typos!!

The entire table erupted into cheers as they won the battle and finished the campaign. You smiled, glancing over your book and grinned even wider as they congratulated each other. You were tucked away in the corner, engrossed in the plot of your latest novel. You’d only pretended to read in the past half hour because you had been trying to pay attention to what was going on at the table.

You and Gareth had been friends since childhood and went everywhere together. You often watched the Hellfire campaigns, but had been trying to finish up your book since it was due back soon.

“So, what did you think of my campaign?”

Your heart jolted in your chest and you pretended to find a place to stop in the story before looking up to see Eddie hovering over you. Eyes widening, you tried to laugh normally, but it just came out strangled. He patted your back, concerned, while you begged whatever higher power was listening to just take you away. Tears leaked from your eyes and you glanced to him to see he was waiting expectantly.

“It was really good, Eddie.”

He flushed and rocked on his heels.

“Your storytelling was so creative and I had no idea that side character was going to have such a big role!”

He flourished under your praise and sat beside you, rambling eagerly about his strategy and how he was inspired for the campaign.

~~~

In short, I absolutely have a crush on Eddie Munson.

You groaned and flopped your head down on the table. The library was especially quiet before school and was often the place you divulged your most private thoughts to your diary. The five-minute warning bell rang and you scooped up all your things and dashed off to class, not realizing the diary had slipped out of your grip.

The day passed in a blur. Tests were coming up for all your classes and you could barely keep all the information straight in your head. You huffed as you sat down at the lunch table and pulled your book out. Gareth sat next to you and opened his mouth to say something, but you waved a hand dismissively.

“Just a few minutes, Gare. Almost done.”

The last few pages flew by before you closed the book with a thud.

“Good?” He asked.

“Amazinggggg,” you sang back.

Your table descened into a mess of conversation that stopped abruptly the moment Jason Carver walked up to you. Encountering Jason was never a good thing, especially up close.

He smiled at you, sending shivers down your spine. He waved a familiar small blue book at you. “I think this is yours.”

Your eyes grew as you turned to dig in your bag, confirming what you already knew. You turned back to him, face heating with embarrassment. “Give it back, Jason.”

His grin turned more antagonistic as you stood up and reached for your diary. He held it above your hands, opening it to the most recent entry.

“Ahem, everybody? Can I have your attention?”

You bristled as everyone turned your way, hands balling into fists at your side. Of course nobody could miss what stupid Jason Carver had to say.

Gareth stood and held out a hand for your book. “Hey, man. Just give it back to her.”

Jason pointed a finger into his chest, moving him back. “Hang on a minute, nerd. Gotta read something real quick.”

You darted around the table and surged toward Jason, groaning as you slammed against two of his goons that had stepped into your path. It was too late. Tears pooled in your eyes as he started to read, exposing your heart to the world.

He cleared his throat before starting in. You had written snippets of campaigns you would run if you were a DM and he skimmed over them, reading the romantic bits aloud and laughing cruelly as he continued to flip.

“Boring, boring. Yadda yadda. Oh! Here we go. This looks good.”

He slowly turned to Eddie, his grin spreading wider. Eddie glanced to you, confused and your stomach lurched as he started reading. This whole time he’d been working toward this grand finale of embarrassment and damn, it was working.

“Eddie is by far the cutest guy I know. He’s always so nice to me. I don’t have many friends and he has always been so welcoming. Ugh. Skip the gooey stuff. Aha! In short, I absolutely have a crush on Eddie Munson. How sweet, the freak and the lonely loser!”

By this time, you’d practically melted into the floor. You snatched your bag up and turned to Gareth. He saw your face crumple and started to rise, but you put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“I’ll see you later.”

The words came out in a rasp and you took off before you allowed yourself to breakdown. You burst through the library door, startling the librarian who shot up from her seat.

She tilted her head in concern and motioned for you to come behind the desk. She opened the door to her office, which you sped into, dropping your book on her desk as you went. She guided you to the small couch in her office and quickly brought you a cup of hot chocolate before stepping back out to the media desk and closing the door behind her.

You curled up against the cushions and sobbed, barely able to take sips of your drink. Your afternoon teachers would just have to wait to see you until Monday. Or maybe never if you decided to move out of the country.

~~~

You woke a while later, low voices murmuring outside the door.

“Have you seen her? I know she comes here a decent bit.”

“Mmm. Nope. Haven’t seen her since this morning,” the librarian retorted.

You pulled one of the blinds down to see Eddie standing across the counter. His eyes flicked to yours, drawn by the motion and you gasped, letting the blinds snap shut.

You began gathering your courage to step out. Meanwhile, Eddie’s mouth curled into an amused smirk. He spoke slightly louder, ensuring you could hear him.

“Alright, well if you see her, let her know I got her diary back from that jerk.”

You opened the door and poked your head out, bag slung over your shoulder. You looked to the librarian and nodded at her.

“I’m okay. Thanks for the hot chocolate. I’ll be back for more books next week.”

You offered her a grateful smile, which she promptly returned, patting your shoulder kindly. You stepped around the desk, arms crossed protectively over your chest as you looked into Eddie’s eyes. A gasp slipped out as you noticed his swollen split lip. “Hi,” you mumbled.

“Hello,” his voice lit with a smile. “Walk with me?”

You nodded and turned, brushing past him as he held the door open for you.

“Need a ride?”

“Probably,” you sighed.

It was just late enough in the day that all the buses were gone for the day, student parking lot almost emptied out.

He strolled at an easy pace beside you and you kept your eyes lowered, determined not to acknowledge the cafeteria incident. He paused right outside his van on the passenger side and pulled your blue book out from under his arm, passing it to you before he pulled the door open for you. You searched for a way to say thank you, I’m sorry, and never bring this up again, but instead gaped when you saw the other book he was holding.

“Why are you reading that book? I just turned it in.”

“Well. I thought it could help my campaigns.”

You turned away, embarrassed. He reached for your arm, taking hold of it gently.

“No no I’m not teasing you. I really liked your campaign ideas and thought that if you could write something like that after reading this, then maybe I could too.”

Your heart fluttered and you bit back a smile as you climbed into the van. Eddie shut the door once you were in and circled around to the other side, climbed in and started up the van.

The drive started off quiet until you couldn’t handle it anymore and blurted out, “I’m sorry!”

He chuckled, “What are you sorry for?”

“I just… I know he’s not above embarrassing people, but I feel like his main target was probably you, so I’m sorry. I know you like Chrissy and-“

You were cut off by him laughing and you shrank back into the seat. You trembled with frustration before saying, “Alright. If you’re gonna laugh at me, let me out. Stop the car.”

He rolled to a stop on the side of the road and you reached down for your seatbelt. He caught your hand in his and your breath halted in your throat, eyes tentatively rising to meet his. His bangs had grown a bit longer, landing right above his eyes. Your hand twitched, wanting to brush them aside. He squeezed your hand and your eyes drifted back to his.

“I like Chrissy. As a person. She’s very kind and we knew each other when we were younger. But I haven’t liked anyone else in a long time. No one besides you.”

Your thumb brushed his palm as your brain processed his words.

“Me? You like me?”

“That would be what I said, yes.”

“But why? Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“Why didn’t you?” He grinned as you blushed under his gaze. “I didn’t say anything because you’re Gareth’s best friend. He really cares about you. And about Hellfire. I didn’t want to start anything between us that could get messed up and make things awkward for him.”

You smiled at his consideration for your friend. Your diary poked at your side from where you’d tucked it next to you in the seat.

“Can I read something to you? Jason read a lot but somehow missed the best parts.”

He nodded enthusiastically and his eyes lit up as you opened your diary, stopping when you found the entry you were searching for. You kept holding hands, shivering when his rings brushed over your skin.

“Today was a bad day. I didn’t do so well on a test and the bus was late and it was pouring down rain. When it finally got there, Eddie ran up behind me and held his vest over my head until I got on. It happened so fast, I’m surprised I remember it. But I’ll never forget looking out the window and seeing him standing there in the rain. His fingers were hooked into the collar of his vest and it was slung over his shoulder. God, he looks good in the rain.”

You blushed but continued flipping to the next entry and began again, emboldened.

“Today I realized that my crush on Eddie isn’t just because he’s cute and kind to me. He’s good to everyone. It sucks seeing people mess with him. He’s somehow gotten so amazing at laughing it off and continuing about his day. He defends the kids in Hellfire. He takes care of everyone. I just wish he had someone to take care of him. I wish he knew how special he is.”

You closed the diary, your finger still tucked in. Fingers tenderly slid under your chin and lifted your face. He was waiting for you, his sweet smile already painted across his face. He groaned and blew out a puff of air.

“I wanna kiss you so bad, but could I take you out first? Where do you wanna go?”

You thought for a moment. “Well, I like ice cream.”

“Ice cream it is, then! Cone-gratulations on being the cutest person in Hawkins!”

“Oh, my God, Eddie.”

He snorted and your laughed filled the car as it started down the road again. He turned the volume up, one of his tapes in the player, and hit the dashboard in excitement when he caught you singing along.

“No way, you know this song?”

“I started listening because of you and as it turns out, I like metal music.”

“You are absolutely perfect.”

He pulled your joined hands to his mouth, kissing yours, careful of his injury. He set your hand down gently in your lap and his hand curled around your knee, determined to keep you close.

[orion4ever]

Hello! Can I request some headcanons for Qiu, Tamarack and Cove with overall Rebelious and mean MC who has a soft spot for them, but tries really hard to hide their feelings?

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy this! Also sorry if this isn’t great , I am not good at writing about meaner characters.

Pairing(s): Cove Holden x Reader , Qiu Lin x Reader and Tamarack Baumann x MC

🗒️🐚🍂

COVE HOLDEN🐚

In the beginning, he’d be a bit intimidated by your attitude.

He might’ve avoided you when he first arrived in Sunset Bird , already making the judgment that you wouldn’t be that pleasant to be around.

That's until he meets you!

Cove noticed that you were much more softer and nicer with him than most people.

You wouldn’t be mean to him like you were with people who you weren’t as close with

And you would avoid rebelling or breaking rules when he was around to make sure he didn’t get in trouble for it.

Of course, you were still you. But with Cove around you were mellow.

Your moms notice how quickly your demeanor changes when he is in the general area.

One minute you could be telling somebody off and then the next you would be hugging Cove and asking him how his day was and if he wanted to get a snack later.

Cove would worry that you might get into serious trouble one day, which you reassured that you wouldn’t.

Depending on what comfort level Cove is: Cold, Medium, or Warm; this might just work for the two of you.

Cold Cove wouldn’t mind as much since he isn’t that social and rather be in your company anyway. Not that he is condoning it.

Medium Cove is a bit more awkward and less defined, he doesn’t want people to be put off and avoid you.

Warm Cove is probably the most understanding, he understands that's just how you are. If you didn’t like being nice to strangers then so be it, if you didn’t want to follow some rule then that's ok. Warm Cove would encourage you to be more social though, he wants you to have friends.

Cove appreciates that you are softer to him though, I don’t think he could handle you being genuinely mean to him.

You and Cove have fun though, It's a interesting contrast to see the two of you together.

Like a yin and yang.

QIU LIN🗒️

Their reaction depends on what stage of their life they are in.

Step 1 Qiu might be the TINEST bit nervous, also worried that you might get into trouble or get on somebodies bad side with your behavior

Qiu, of course, is very welcoming and polite still. You may be mean to everybody else but you aren’t to them.

They get a little smug about how you are softer and seem to favor them more than most people.

Like Of course you like their company, Everyone does!

Qiu tries and get other people to see your softer side but you don’t put down your walls for them.

Qiu during Step 2, is a completely different story though.

They just go “same💀”

You two probably skip school all the time and it starts to get concerning and your parents start enforcing it more.

You two get into a bit of trouble…(mostly loitering, you two aren’t getting into anything serious lmao)

Qiu understands your attitude more the older they get. Sometimes some people don’t deserve your time and sometimes some people deserve your kindness

It's a self-preservation, At least that's how the two of you understand it.

While everybody else worries, you and Qiu are just chilling.

They like having someone around who can match their energy.

TAMARACK BAUMANN🍂

Step 1 Tamarack wouldn’t like you at first, Or at the very least be indifferent.

She would want you to be nice to everyone, not just her.

She does brag a bit that you are only softer towards her.

She also has a rebellious side as well, you two get into lots of shenanigans together and cause lots of mischief all the time.

Your mom and her grandparents def put leashes on you two.

It's always kiddy fun.

Once again, Step 2 is another story.

Based on her interaction with Qiu, If you were similar to being mean to others and causing trouble then she would be disappointed

But she’s less awkward around you and tries to encourage you to be more nice or at least a bit more sociable.

Tamarack knows that you can be one of the most softest and kindest people she knows, you’ve watched her back and been there when it got tough

And she wants people to see that rare side of you, but she understands that you are just not interested or in the mood to be nice or to follow rules.

Depending on how rebellious you are, even her grandparents may be wary. It was okay when you were kids but your old enough to get yourself and Tamarack into serious trouble.

On a more positive note, Tamarack still enjoys your company. Sure you aren’t that social but you would never say half the stuff you say to strangers to her.

You and Tamarack go out at night and clean graffiti and collect trash as a ‘reverse vandalism’ and you insult people who litter etc.

Tamarack one day does want to see a positive change in you , but for now it’s just the two of you.

[gnomebinary]

This is my protocol bingo! (Thank you as always osric.com).

Lena is just doing her evil job - No thoughts, no morals, no alligence. Girlboss.

Nobody ever finds out Jmart's real names - I just think that would be tragic, and fit in with what RQ have been saying about this not being too attached to Archives.

Redemption arc - There was a notable lack of these in Archives even though forgiveness and making a conscious effort to behave morally were important themes in the later seasons. I'm ready for Mr Bonzo to have Kylo Ren's exact redemption arc where he's redeemed mostly through kissing. I don't even care who he kisses.

Froyo trip - It's pretty clear that we're being told that this is Somewhere Else through things like the Archives staff having tea and the OIAR staff having coffee. The s1 Archives gang iconically got icecream, so I'm gunning for a froyo trip, and a Gwen monologue about preservatives.

Colin dies first - He's just so killable. Plus, Celia can't die until they do her reveal and they'll probably want to build up to it, Sam can't die because he's the driving force behind investigation into Magnus, Alice can't die because she kinda makes the whole show, Gwen can't die because she's mid-arc and it is of the type that if left unfinished it would be anticlimactic not tragic, and Lena can't die because the impact would be pretty low.

Nostalgic PC games - I LOVE that RQ appears to be into old tech. I want to see Chester and Norris play Catz 5. Lowfi retro charm.

Dyhard - I go back and forth on this one, it feels too obvious what with the hot drinks imagery workplace annoyances to lovers stuff, but at the same time it does Just Make Sense.

Somebody becomes disabled - In Archives people were injured a lot, but none of that amounted to a long-term physical disability, except for Melanie's blindness. Feels like something to do in Protocol.

Police brutality - Feels like a theme that Jonny still has more to say about, and an incredibly easy one to weave into this kind of story.

Alice is hiding something - I actually think she isn't but y'all are saying it.

Alice naming stuff has consequences - She does it so much and Colin warned her off it, clearly seeming concerned but not explaining why, I think it will have unforeseen and damaging consequences.

Someone has a pet - In Archives, especially in the earlier seasons, everyone was notably unattached. Martin has a mum to take care of, but nobody has partners or children. I think this was partly because it made them easier to manipulate, and partly because it meant that tragedy could be dialled up: Sasha dying was sad, but not as gutwrenching as Daisy dying because Daisy's relationships were more fleshed out because it was later in the series. We're already bucking that trend with Celia's son, so I think we might see a pet too. Also, the pet will probably die.

Alice dies in the last season - Alice is very killable but she's also the heart and soul of the character relationships, so I think they will kill her but they'll wait to do it, and then do it mid-final season as an OOH THEY WENT THERE turning point, like how Tim dying brought in a new, darker era for Archives.

Conclusion that love isn't what makes you human - At London Comicon in October, Alex or Jonny (I forget) said that if Archives was about what makes you a monster, Protocol is about what makes you human. I think it's kinda trite if love is the answer, and I think the conclusion re love will be that monsters can love, because that's cooler. Hell yeah romantic monsterfucking.

Celia evil - I LOVE that we're seeing another Welsh person, but she doesn't sit well with me.

Agnes returns but we don't hear her speak - The tree on the other side of the rift is still alive, and if that universe was this one then that means that Agnes may still be alive. Jonny and Alex have said that they regret not doing more with Agnes, and I don't think they'll miss out on the opportunity to use her again. However, I think the fact that she doesn't speak is central to her tragic character and role as Jon's character foil, and I don't think they'll change that. I actually posted a tiktok about this.

Scene on London public transport - We're already seeing our gang at the pub and on dates, I think we're going to get some tube content.

Jmart fate worse than death - They're going to have us WISHING that they died in mag200.

Fears never treated as separate - I just think we're over that.

Breakup - They're getting the character relationships in early, so I'm predicting an onscreen breakup, because that's one of the few ways that we didn't see relationships between characters going bad in Archives.

Gerry's life gets ruined again - I'm sorry guys but I don't think they're going to let him have peace. He's going to get dragged into the OIAR situation and he's going to suffer.

Alice's brother lives - People are already noting similarities between Alice and Tim, I think that it'll be essentially the same character beat again if her brother dies. Adapt, improvise, overcome, RQ.

Another Michael - Just another character called Michael, unrelated to the four existing Michaels. I wasn't going to put this because Jonny is very aware of the four Michael problem, but this man plagurised his own full legal Christian name, so anything is possible.

Jack is Agnes' Jack - I think it's cool if we all think about how there was actually a massive age gap between Agnes and Jack because she didn't seem to age past her twenties, so he was absolutely a child when she was an adult. Not that I want to have Discourse or anything, that relationship was hecked up and complex in plenty of other ways, just because it's interesting.

Onscreen kiss - They said they wouldn't do it during Archives and then they did and it wasn't that gross, so I'm ready to see it happening again. They might have a relationship between allosexuals this time, I don't think they're going as far as onscreen fucking, but I'm game to be surprised. Insert joke about reusing the whimpering noises from Archives here.

[slowlydifferentbluebird]

Do you still do “How would (X) react to?” Would love to see you do a “How would IVE react to Y/N after accidentally ignoring/neglecting them during a fanmeeting/concert.”

Gosh, it has been so long since I did one of these the last time. I don't even remember why I stopped, probably I was just overworked. I guess writing one of those can be fun from time to time, so yeah, I'll write it for you🙈

IVE reacting to Y/N ignoring them during a fanmeeting/concert

Gaeul

The oldest was confused about your behaviour. You two always had a great chemistry on and off the stage, but right now it almost seemed your first time working together. She tried numerous time to pose with you during the night, but you always were with another member. She smiled through the pain and waited the end of the stages. You didn't even notice and you were more confuse than her when she asked for explanations. However you two made peace in few time and a night of cuddles was the best way to close that silly story.

Yujin

If Yujin could overturn the table, she would have done it in that instant. She was the leader and she must behave in the perfect way, but, oh boy, she was so pissed at you for not accepting her flirt during the fanmeeting. Maybe she was too much in character but she hated seeing you being lovey-dovey with another member. She acted cool during the event but at the end she took you in another room and she gave you lesson(how? That's up to you👀)

Rei

The japanese girl was good in hiding her feeling and she really tried her best to be all smiling for her fans, but she could swear you didn't look in her direction for all night. She even tried to catch your attention, waving her hand in your direction but it almost looked she was invisible for you. After the show, she came to your room and she explained how bad she felt for your actions. You immediately hugged her and promised to be more careful the next time. Feeling your touch, her smile came back in no time.

Wonyoung

Wony is used to receive attentions, by the fan, the members and, in particular, you. You were her partner in crime, but right now the only crime you were doing was ignoring her. She had to make a "fake" complain in front of the public to have you by her side again. And from that moment she linked her arm with yours and never let you go for the rest of the fanmeeting. In the next day you better expect a lot of comments by her about betrayal and similar lol

Liz

Liz was so afraid of something she didn't even do. But if you were ignoring her, there was a reason, right? Well, actually no, you simply had your head on the clouds, but the poor girl couldn't have known that, so in the next days she tried her best to be forgiven by you: gifts, praises and a quantity of attention you have never received from her. When you finally understood what was all that about, you promised yourself to not ignore the cutie anymore, so you started to give her even more attentions that she wanted to🙈

Leeseo

It was a miracle that the maknae didn't start to cry during the fanmeeting. She always seek for your approval and when you started talking to everybody except her, her heart cracked a bit. When you noticed her lucid eyes tho, you immediately ran to her, asking what was wrong. Was she feeling sick? Did somebody piss her off? You were worried and ready to throw your hands at the same time. That was enough to make her understand that everything was okay and you didn't hate her or anything else. However for all the day you were extra-protective with her, keeping her close to you till night

~~~

Well, Anon, I hope you liked it. I'm definitely out of the loop and it might be not that great, but at least I tried 🙈💙

Zazá

[wyngigi]

ꕀ LUST FOR LIFE ꕀ 03

↳ sex money feelings die remastered .ᐟ cross posted on ao3

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“ they say only the good die young, that just ain't right 'cause we're having too much fun, too much fun tonight ”

↳ synopsis: a group of individuals find that their first taste of freedom in the world brings more obstacles than expected. some of them, find solace by drowning in liquor or in the backseat of somebody else’s car. a lot of them have got to get their shit together. a lot of them won't.

mdni » story contains nsfw content intended for 18+ audiences pairings » member specific, not listed for spoiler purposes ↳󠁪󠁪 ateez x female reader, ateez x ateez ↳ genre » coming of age ↳ word count » 3.3k ↳ general warnings » substance abuse & consumption, sexual content, morally grey characters, unreliable narrators, internalised homophobia, angst, basically every struggle young adolescence can go through ↳ chapter warnings » description of sexual activity while under the influence of alcohol and drugs, mention of sexual activity being filmed (with dubious consent due to intoxication) ↳ a/n┆timeline clarification chapter one is the aftermath of the party that mg, wy, ys & san talk about going to in chapter two, and this chapter (three) is the actual party this story will contain many events that are written out of chronological order im sorry its who i am

03⌇the absolute fucking irony

College parties. Young adults burdened by the struggles of growing up with too much access to liquor and a whole lot of free will. Glass bottles litter the kitchen island, empty cans crushing under people’s shoes no matter where they step.

A certain variety of liquids have been splashed and spilt onto the floors, forming several small puddles. Every room is dimly lit, courtesy of the crappy party lights sending rays of colours out, splaying onto the crowds of people below. Columbia parties, where the music never stops blasting and the room can’t stop spinning.

Tonight is no different. You’re somewhere in there, lodged deep in the collection of sweaty intoxicated people just as fucked up with a cup in hand. Everyone rocks back and forth against each other, bass boosted music drowning out any audible voices. Some others are spread out, chatting, screaming, leaning on any available surface with their almost blacked out friends by their side.

Liquor is sloshing around in the guy’s cup in front of you, splashing onto your arm. Rolling your eyes, you turn away from him wiping your arm before downing the rest of your own cup. The songs playing blast into your ears almost deafeningly as you close your eyes, intoxication making your head spin.

You’ve been here for just over an hour, drinking, dancing, drinking some more. You’re five drinks deep now before opening your eyes to spot your friend. She’s tipsy too, talking to an equally wasted new friend of hers. That’s a lie, no talking is happening there. Definitely more than friends too. You call out her name, locking eyes with her through the crowd, shooting her a thumbs up.

Julie grins, playfully waving you off as she snakes her arms around the boy’s neck opposite to her. You can’t see his face, but you do have faith in her, she’s the picky type.

When the music changes to a slow song, you take a chance to get a breather, and a refill. Tumbling as you make your way to the kitchen you spot a familiar head of tousled brown hair. He’s on his phone, typing with one hand as he runs the other through his hair. He hasn’t spotted you yet, so you head over to the opposite side of the island shuffling through the glass bottles, making just enough noise for him to look up.

Like clockwork, he does and ushers you over with a brief tilt of his head. His teeth are on display as a sly grin plays on his lips. You give him one back, picking up an unopened bottle of Pink Whitney before you make your way over to him.

Setting your empty cup and the bottle down, you lean the side of your body into the counter to stabilise yourself. The marble is cold, pressing into your stomach yet you pay no mind to it. “Having fun?” He teases eyeing how you sway slowly, more than a little out of it. Your eyes are glazed over, and he gives you a once over before mirroring you, hip digging into the counter as he crosses his arms.

Kim Hongjoong, former pretentious rich kid turned even more pretentious angsty tortured artist. Most importantly your favorite dealer, and if it matters to anyone, an excellent fuck.

Several piercings decorate both of his ears, and a small but mighty metal ring is lodged in his lip; it shines despite the low lighting. His eyelashes are long, fanning over his bloodshot eyes. His hair is chopped roughly in the front, purposely grown out in the back. It suits him, his whole brand is that type of messy yet put together all the same. The effortless rockstar vibe if you will.

The speakers are still blaring off in the distance, but the kitchen is somewhat far enough that you only have to raise your voice a little to hear each other. “Definitely a whole lot more now,” you chide. He hums in agreement, hand finding its way to your waist as he leans behind you to grab a bottle off the shelf. The metal rings on his fingers are cold, but you lean into his touch regardless.

The proximity between you two closes in, a combination of woody and musky tones hits you, flooding your senses. It’s a mix of marijuana and, his cologne. It’s welcoming, familiar.

“You don’t look drunk enough to be here,” you poke a finger into his chest, leaning up to look at him. He shakes his head, mullet brushing against the collar of his jacket. Hongjoong’s hand leaves your waist as he moves to face the counter, twisting open the bottle as the seal pops quietly. “Night’s young, pretty,” Hongjoong jests, filling up his cup, “Don’t stress, I’ll catch up soon.” You nod, silently agreeing as you move to take his cup from his hands. He allows it, eyes never leaving yours as you take a sip from the drink. It burns a little at the start then it goes down easy. Fitting.

The liquid leaves a shine on your lips that catches the light. Hongjoong’s eyes flicker down, cursing under his breath quietly at the sight as you look up at him. Your lips always looked so enticing to him, and he can’t help but appreciate the view now. It’s also welcoming, and even more familiar.

Hongjoong maintains eye contact with you, holding up the bottle you brought over in his hands between the both of you. It’s a silent question. You scrunch your nose, accepting his offer while nudging your cup towards his direction on the counter.

You step away from each other as he refills your cup, not too far but just enough so you can continue drinking comfortably. The glass bottle clinks against the countertop when he sets it down, pushing it off to the side. You rest your forearm down to cradle your drink, feeling a warm hand creep its way on top of your empty one. His hand isn’t much bigger than yours, and you smile at the chipped polish on his pinkie. Next time the two of you meet, you’ll be sure to give it a fresh coat.

You turn your head to look back at him and find him doing the same. The music seems to fade as the two of you lock eyes before a small grin cracks out on his face, the hues of red and blue lights blend, purple cascading over his features instead. You huff out a small chuckle, breaking away from his gaze. You’re chewing on your bottom lip, eyes searching the crowd for Julie just as a new face approaches Hongjoong.

The boy glances at you momentarily, lifting his drink up to you before greeting the other opposite you. “Yo man, you got a new buyer out front.” Hongjoong nods, lips pressing into a thin line as he leans off the counter. His friend notes the hand that still hasn’t left yours, eyes gesturing between the two of you. Hongjoong winks in confirmation. When he looks back to you, he’s grabbing your wrist to pull you closer to him. Leaning in, he whispers, “Text me, yeah?”

His breath is hot, fanning on your face while his lips just barely drag over your cheek as he pulls back. It heats your whole body up even once he’s already left.

Yeosang escapes quickly from the blonde who had approached him, now entering the backyard of the house. Mingi and his new roommate haven’t arrived yet, and just as anticipated, Wooyoung’s got his tongue shoved down some girl’s throat against a wall already.

He’s nursing a cup of clear liquid that he thinks could be some form of cheap tequila, but he drinks almost anything (unlike Mingi, rich prick) so the thought is pushed aside. Unfortunately, it’s not just the drink leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Something about tonight isn’t clicking for him, the music isn’t quite right, and no one has piqued his interest to look at more than once. This weekend is being spent similar to the many before, and he would usually hope for it to end the same as well. Let Wooyoung loose to drink to his heart’s content, make sure he’s gotten more than comfortable with someone, then find his own someone for the night. Girls and guys alike have shot him subtle smiles and flirty waves, yet none are what he’s after.

By chance, it could have something to do with seeing his roommate with an arm slung around some girl. For the sake of his sanity and to not be a total buzzkill tonight, he’s pretending that’s not the case. Making another thought get pushed to the back of his mind.

Columbia parties also aren’t his usual go-to. The parties are fun don’t get him wrong, but only later in the night. It’s when the crowds really build, and he lets loose till he can’t feel his face. He’s arrived far too early, thanks to a certain someone. He curses Wooyoung for being too eager during their pregames, Yeosang hopes and prays for his friend’s hangover tomorrow to be an absolute bitch.

He spots a group of familiar people playing spin the bottle, but he doesn’t think he’s drunk enough for that yet. Yeosang feels a buzz in his pocket, taking another gulp before reaching for his phone.

mingi: san n i 2 mins away

pls tell me u n wy aren’t wasted already

yeosang: can’t say he isn’t

im ok tho

mingi: knew it , c u soon Yeosang continues scrolling through his notifications before a much taller figure appears next to him.  He knows exactly who it is by height alone. Yeah, one hundred percent not nearly drunk enough to deal with this right now. Being drunk would also not help though. Yeosang wishes the boy was standing a little further away because he looks like a puppy right now. A really cute, really kissable drunk puppy.

His cheeks are tinged red and the tips of his ears match. Yunho grins, leaning close into the other’s face, pupils darting between his. Yeosang’s breath hitches, “Yunho, you good?” he asks, stepping backwards as quick as he can.

He nods slowly, “Mhm, doing great. What’s got you looking so down though?” Yunho singsongs, absentmindedly shuffling from foot to foot. Yeosang hums in response, “Just not feeling too great tonight.” Yunho tips his head back to finish off his drink, Adam’s apple bobbing. Hell, why does this guy have to be straight? Yeosang’s lost in thought before he hears Yunho retort, “Like what, no one to get your dick wet for you arrived yet?”

“Well, in another universe maybe!” Yeosang thinks to himself, instead he replies by shaking his head, hair covering his eyes slightly. This is not the type of conversation he wants to have with his roommate. He turns away from the boy to scan the crowds of people in front him, only to regret it when he spots the girl who was with Yunho earlier continuing to eye fuck him.

Before he has to make more small talk with him, he spots Mingi and who he assumes is San trailing behind him shuffling through the small groups in the backyard. Mingi’s eyes are wandering through the people, filtering for a familiar face.

Yeosang raises his hand up, giving a short whistle as he calls them over. Mingi was right, his new roommate is far from ugly. If his friend didn’t already have an obvious crush on the boy, Yeosang would not have been objected to having a taste of him, mostly to wash out the sour aftertaste someone’s mere presence has somehow brought him tonight.

“Yeo! ‘Sup, Yunho. This is the new roomie here,” Mingi pulls Yeosang into a side hug, patting him on the back. Yeosang raises his brows, shooting the boy a knowing look before whisper-yelling, “He is cute.” Mingi shushes him immediately as Yeosang turns back to the others. San stood further away finally steps forward towards the group. He waves to both of them, “San,” he tells them with a tightly lipped smile before looking around over each shoulder. The shy type, antsy. Cute.

Yeosang speaks up, “Hey San, did you um-” He holds up his own cup, “maybe want a drink or? Mingi’s been here before so he can take you to the kitchen, if you want.” The boy mentioned nods, “Yeah, c’mon,” going to move back towards the kitchen before San interjects, “I’ll uh, grab a drink in a bit. There’s someone I kind of need to look for first.” Mingi blinks slowly, furrowing his brows as he locks eyes with Yeosang.

San looks between the two, licking his lips as he stammers out a cue to leave.

“If you’re thirsty you can go ahead, I’ll catch up soon,” San’s voice trails off as he hurries off in another direction, leaving the three where they are. Yunho pays little mind, still dozed off with too many drinks in his system. Yeosang mouths, “You good?” towards Mingi just as he has to fling his arm out to catch his roommate who's starting to lose the ability to stand straight.

Mingi sighs, biting the inside of his cheek as he looks off into the crowd. He decides there in that moment, yes, he will in fact, be getting a drink. Yeosang catches the look of defeat in the boy’s eyes but before he can silently plead with his eyes for him to stay, Mingi is turned around already.

Yunho slings his arm around the younger’s shoulders, swaying them both to the slow song playing in the distance. He snickers to himself, shaking his head. Yeosang chews his bottom lip, “What’s so funny?” The boy shrugs, looking pointedly at Mingi disappearing into the crowd, head of black hair still peeking out above the others. “Isn’t San kind of oblivious, Mingi clearly wants to rip his clothes off.” Yeosang deadpans for a moment, the absolute fucking irony.

Seonghwa is more than a just little on edge right now. He’s just about to walk into a party that he knows he should not be at, first because he’s rostered for a shift tomorrow at the crack of dawn. Secondly, his friends are excruciatingly good at encouraging him to drink. Something he’d happily entertain even with the promise of a shitty hangover.

That was typically the case, right up until four hours ago when he knocked back the last few pills from his second script of oxy. Without counting how many to actually take.

And finally, he also kind of freaked out after actually seeing the now empty orange bottle, so he had texted his friends that he would be coming tonight after previously opting out. Not that he’s an addict or anything, but withdrawal can be a bitch, or so he’s heard. Anyways, that’s the background for why he’s standing in front of a fraternity house with some artsy alternative looking drug dealer, handing him a wad of cash.

The two of them talk for a bit, letting Seonghwa know he’ll throw in some free ecstasy just for his pretty face. The guy is pretty hot, so Seonghwa thanks him with a flirty smile as he shoves the plastic bags in his pocket.

If you aren’t too familiar with the wonderous world of opioids, specifically oxycodone, here’s the 101. Number one, only take it exactly as prescribed by a healthcare professional. Number two, never mix it with alcohol (or any other depressants for that matter).

His mind is on absolute overdrive right now, studying for exams, picking up extra shifts, he’s there early in the mornings and working closing ones too. The combination of these things are giving him a measly two to three hours of shut eye at most on the daily.

The party lights are beginning to flash in his eyes so much they’re seizure inducing and he’s ready to start drinking so every thought running in his mind just slows down. So he does. He starts slow, letting his friends fill his half empty cup of soda to the brim with vodka.

Eventually it gets to like, three quarters liquor then he decides to take a break. He’s not that irresponsible. Seonghwa knows he has to control himself. He’s also spitting complete bullshit if you couldn’t tell. Seonghwa had gone straight to shots after his solo cup had been emptied the first time. Alcohol doesn’t hit him too bad, but when the oxy does hit instead, it hits hard.

If he wasn’t so out of it, he’d probably be describing some pretty fucked sensory details right now. The party lights becoming brighter, but not hurting him anymore. The walls waving back and forth, starting to swirl. Or melt, the pills definitely kind of mess with some visual receptors if you can’t tell already.

Seonghwa lets out a small laugh as the music’s beat begins pounding in his chest. His breath staggers as the faces of the people surrounding him begin to blur and his arms and legs start to tingle a little. He’s happy, he feels okay now. Actually, wrong. It’s even better. He’s on top of the fucking world.

Whatever happened to Seonghwa from the moment his dopamine surged to the rest of the night can’t be recalled from memory now unfortunately. Fragments of his time at the party (and a personal, very private after party) however could instead be pieced together thanks to all the new photos and videos captured by his phone. It started off pretty tame, him screaming butchered versions of lyrics to songs, dancing and whatnot.

Then there’s a clip of a bathroom stall, white powdery lines on the metal toilet paper dispenser with some guy’s voice in the background. Then there was more dancing, which developed into PG-rated snippets of some form of grinding with a pretty boy who kind of reminds him of a puppy. Then as you continue to scroll you’ll find a video taken from the back camera, albeit a little shakily, of him walking down a faintly lit street hand-in-hand with who he thinks is the boy seen in the earlier videos.

They’re both extremely wasted, their words slurring as they stumble onto a familiar pathway that leads back to his dorm. (He also confirms both guys from the previous memories are the same person from his clothes and voice). It’s cute, in a way. They’re giggling and knocking into each other accidentally. The time stamps between that video, and the next few are just over ten minutes apart. The rest of the clips are short, but they paint the picture of their next encounters pretty effectively.

And that’s putting it lightly, Seonghwa basically made a fucking sex tape.

It’s lewd and provocative in every way, including anything and everything that a person could think of. Kissing, moaning, heavy breathing, broken gasps, his own high-pitched whining. The echoes of skin slapping against skin is apparent in almost all of them. The ones without it are replaced with the guy’s low, throaty groans. They were filmed by him too, pointing the back camera towards Seonghwa, who's looking up at him through a half-lidded gaze, awed expression as the boy swipes his thumb across his raw bitten lips.

The next morning, he wakes up naked to an empty bed. Once he finishes watching over everything captured in his phone, Seonghwa puts them into the hidden album in his gallery. His hangover feels like hell, so he begins scrambling around his room to find his jeans discarded to the floor from last night’s shenanigans. There’s a messy pile of clothes (including what he wore the night before, still turned inside out from what assumes to be impatience) that he has to filter through before he finally does find them.

Digging his hand into every pocket, he manages to first find the fresh bag of oxy and with more searching, the other bag too. As expected from whatever the fuck he did last night, that one is definitely pretty empty.

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[hero-next-door]

Defending Nathan Prescott

(From Every Accusation)

All fact proven & common sense theory

No bullshit.

I suck at grammar. Deal with it.

I've replayed the game far too many times to gather this. I read into everything and even read into and WATCHED people who have suffered the same mental illness and situations Nathan has been in.

What I'll be covering:

Illness, rib breaking, dead animals, bdsm, Chloes pic, Rachel, gun on campus, Kate, Pompidou, Jefferson, wealth and his father.

And dont even THINK about skipping ahead!

Everything here is tied into one another. Read from start to finish. You're on this post to understand, right? Or to argue? Im not here to argue so, bye.

Lets start from the top...

Nathans downfall was caused by society and all who failed him. He's driven by hatred of others who don't understand him, and the game purposly wrote him off that way. They want players to hate him from what sides of the stories we've experienced. They gave this character controversial hobbies and a cynical bully attitude to really keep you suspecting him and not guessing Jefferson. The game isn't about Nathan. It's about Max. We learn so much about Max and everyone close to her. The tears they shed, the pains they've endorsed. Same with Chloe and Rachel's story. My heart goes out to all of them. We don't get to see that with other characters. Therefore, we don't care for them...or that's the games' intentions. We don't know the ins and outs of Nathan. Only what the game shows us, which are all negative. So, of course, disliking Nathan is only reasonable.

Mental Illness

We start with mental illness. He has Psychosis. Lots of proof, but i'm assuming you've seen it all already. Like, do people know what Psychosis is? Do they REALLY know what it is? Because this ALONE changes everything. And not Psychopathy ..Psychosis. Two different things, pookie. Psychopathy is the one where part of the brain is missing or disturbed. THEY'RE the ones that don't have empathy. Psychosis is different. Anybody can get it. This illness can take your empathy and awareness away, then bring it all back after the harm is done, leaving you to process that. Schizo and Bipolar are also all quite a handful to deal with too. Loud Noises/downgrading voices in your head SO LOUD that people will do anything to calm them. (Dont be shy, youtube: "28- Psychotic Episode" by Collège d'Alma) The feeling of loosing your mind is something I notice a lot of haters dont empathize on especially if they killed or hurt sombody. The brain slips into a state so disconnected that interviews with recovering patients I've seen describe it as confusing and scary and dont recall saying the stories they told and actions they did others. Imagine not being able to remember the hurtful things you've said and done. Imagine being told you killed somebody... with your own hands? And you can hardly remember what happened. Like... how would you react? Think about it. Anybody can get psychosis with enough trauma or a kick in the noggin. Some people who were interviewed that had psychosis said that they found relief when getting high or drunk. Little did they know the symptoms could bounce back up to 5x during withdrawal. But they were so desperate to get rid of the voices that they abused the drugs. Like....wow the game really did their research to create such a complicated character. Anyway, moving on.

Edit: After further research, he certainly had bipolar disorder first. Then it went left untreated, therefore sunk him to worse mental state of many other illnesses. Drugs only made things much, much worse. Bipolar disorder can cause schizo and schizo to lead to psychosis. 🙄Jesus Nathan quit hogging all the illnesses.

Now, let's break down everything else...

Shooting Chloe

Just rewatch it. Aims gun, Chloe pushes him, it tightens grip, ACCIDENTLY shoots her, immediately drops gun and gets really scared of he's done, checking to see if she's alive! If you specifically rewatch the ending of Lis1 when Chloe gets shot, they extend his reaction. He goes back and forth, checking her body. If he wanted to kill her, you check pulse and then run. Not sticking around crying about it. There's your empathy you're all saying he doesn't have. Other times where he could have shown more empathy ties with his Psychosis. Some people with the illness said that the voices loudly in their head will convince them that everyone around you is your enemy. Everyone is after you. It can twist your brain to feel anger and fear towards others. Nathan is always hung up on how everyone is using him and trying to control him. Which people ..DO use him. So now he's convinced that everyone is. He's not choosing to feel this way. He just needs psychiatric help.

Breaking Ribs

In Before The Storm, his entire demeanor is completely different than the Lis 1. He's more cowardly and not loud and aggressive. We'll be mentioning his creepy "pervy" binder later. Nathan isn't violent until the end IF you let Nathan get bullied and push his life in a negative direction. Sure, it's not Chloe's responsibility, but this is the game's way of showing you his downfall. We need to remember the game hides scenes and expect you to make up what happened behind the scenes. He broke Samantha's ribs over ..what? She's always so desperate to defend Nathan and even gets upset with Chloe when she doesn't help. So, if you tell her the wrong option to pressure kindness into Nathan, it results in him breaking ribs. How, though? Haters immediately hop online to say cause he's a mean and abusive non-empathic nut head. Are you sure he didn't just push her away, and her clumsiness just fell over? This took place after the play...so he possibly...pushed her off... 😰 She did say she was clumsy. You don't think she would have tried to hug or touch him in any way. Ok ok...calm down... Let's take a step back.. You get this "breaking ribs," ending from letting Nathan get bullied and embarrass himself during the play that his father pressured him about! Adding a little "..fuck you.." to the audience. Showing his start to his villain career and the start of him hating everyone, and you tell Samantha to go hug him!? This is the start of his mental spiral if you let things play out this way. But hurting her with intention? No. Lets tie this in with the other endings to their relationship. You get the clumsy ending. She hurts herself differently, and Nathan is with her in the hospital. Saying how he feels bad that she got hurt. (empathy bell) And they continue yo talk about her photo or whatever. Tie this with the rib one, tie this with the Chloe getting shot incident, and tie this with his mental illness. Come on, do i gotta spell it out for you.. Hurting someone is not what he attends to do. Like he quotes in his voice mail. (Speaking of that voice mail, empathy bell.) He does get angry at Samantha and hurts her, and we as players dont know the full story. But what was playing in his head seconds before and the entirety of the game that led up to this IS the reason why he accidentally hurts her. His anger from the entire game was built up and, unfortunately, released on her. Whatever happened, breaking her ribs was not on his to-do list! And then we have.. The good ending. He sits beside her, smiling.

Oh, wait! He's a little psycho with no human emotion? Psychosis has all parts of the brain attached, pookie. For most cases, It can be cured and helped. I can get it. YOU can get it. He has human emotions when he is at his very rare peaceful moments like with this good ending, when with Victoria ig and other scenes we tend to forget. Because painting him as the villain was the games goal. Jefferson was the plot twist.

Daddy Issues, Smug Talk, and a Gun on campus

Simple guys. Simple. You represent this school. You represent our name. This is a legacy. You will not embarrass me. This isn't about you or your problems!

Sure, YOU wouldn't crumble under that pressure, but Nathan sure did. Sure, child abuse isn't an excuse to "kill" people. But is it the child's fault? Sean-beanbag prescott should be arrested for not taking his boy to the asylum. Instead, he argues with a doctor!? Goofy, bro. But so many people are fueled with anger towards Nathan instead. It's whatever. Prescott, literally being his name, was already a red flag to other characters and chose to hate and bully him over it. Drew hated for what his FATHER did. Nathan did ..what again? Notice how that "rich Malfoy talk" wasn't really present in Before The Storm. Sure he tried to burn Drew with a family financial situation insult but the "Im rich, my father owns everything, I got a lawyer, money this and that" wasn't in his character in the Before the Storm. I believe being a prescott wasn't really in his future goals, and he wasn't ever really passionate about it. It's all in the annoyance in his tone with his father before the play. Lis1 he uses it so often to show that he's the boss and in control. He is influenced by representation for his family/school, wealth, intimidation, and of course hatred and believing everyone hates him. In his mind, everyone is against him, after him, and wants to use him. Again, he doesn't choose to think this way. Let me explain my last sentence clearly, though. Imagine being surrounded by a ton of people. All their attention is on you. They hate who you are. They talk about you. You have a defensless stomach sinking feeling and scared because all these people surrounding you are looking at you and all your insecurities and laughing at you. Well, obviouslysome of that is not going on in reality. But to Nathan, that IS his reality, and he has no control over it. Anyways I shouldn't have to keep explaining mental illness and how it stresses the brain. The bottom line is that his status and waving a gun around is what he thinks keep others out of his head. He can barely throw a punch. He had to use his head on warren, and did you catch when Max hit him in that scene? The dude was literally holding onto his face like he'd been battered. Like she did NOT hit that hard lmao. He's weak. He's always been the same tiny Nathan from before the storm. Just now, he uses masks for intimidation to stop his bullies, and anyone he thinks is "after him." He never meant to use a gun on anybody, just a threat. During the second scene where warren reunited a head butt with Nathan.. If you pull off warren, he barely even aims the gun when he runs away towards his room. Cowardly. He feels that he has to, to protect himself. He also uses his father as a threat, but clearly, that never worked. Also, I noticed him crying when you let Warren get crazy on him? Dudes apologizing and sobing? Guess that's not his first rodeo, rip.

Dead Animals

There is no proof he hurt animals. That's not really like him. He does have a list of illnesses, but Psychopathy isn't one of them. Y'all can keep yappin, but it's not. Clearly NOT one of them. He could have hurt an animal during an unaware episode, but there will not be any awareness behind it. Anyways, there are plenty of artists that do the same thing. Nathan is very passionate about photography and protraying solitary but not in the same way Jefferson does. Jefferson certainly uses that manipulation, but we'll get to that later. There are artists that like to shine on death in a positive light and in sorrow. There's also beauty in anatomy. It's not my cup of tea, but someone close to me can name me all kinds of gross organs and would be down to disect any animal. Yuck. But to them.. its fascinating, and they are the greatest people in my life. In love and in empathy. (NOT comparing my pookie to Nathan, PAUSE.) In anatomy theres Education and surprise. Death is also a theme and style too. Skulls and gore, super "rad" fukin "knarly."

BDSM Skip to (●) next part if needed

Ok.. so he's a little frisky. Y'all need to remember this is a fictional game first, okay? Lol Anyway, I can't defend him much here, but I got something. Firstly, the game WANTS you to suspect Nathan. Can't keep his room pretty and pink. They have to make it freaky and spooky. They paint Nathan as the villian for you to only focus on him as a suspect. So that everyones jaws are dropped with Jefferson twirls in.

Anyway...defending BDSM? This can bring trauma to those who have experienced it negatively or view it negatively. So skip to the Frank defense or read more if you want.

Bdsm relationships are very controversial. Some people see it as unhealthy, abusive, and sick. But if you have talked to or listened to other people within these relationships, they state that its completely consensual, safe, harmless, a breach of deep trust with their partners, and simply a fetish or kink The goal is to have fun at your limit..not pass the limit. There are twisted people who have broken that barrier and made it not fun and abusive. That's where I can't argue. If you feel that way towards the topic, I completely empathize with you.

Nathan has shown in his other photos a black and white theme of solitary. And you can tell that he might have taken those bdsm photos himself. As the quality is almost like the Pompidou photo. Everyone blends him taking bdsm photos with his angry behavior and "non empathic" demeanor. But this is where I loop back to Before The Storm hugging-my-binder Nathan. It's shown that in one of his endings, he took photos of Samantha. Obviously, NOT bdsm photos. His binder was a school project. But Samantha obviously consented, and Nathan was passionate enough to show her. He sees them as art. Naked girls have been models for sculptures and paintings. Its beauty. That's IF she was naked in some way in those photos. Which I still doubt. School project. Im sure the photos were gentle and strange and misunderstood, and Drew was just in his bully era. His reaction would have been a lot more eye-opening if he had a face full of tits or straps. Nathan begged for his binder back and even nervously reacted, showing he had love for his work and 'took time with it' (as he quotes when Drew throws it). I bring this up here to show that the women in his photos were indeed given consent, and if hes passionate about depicting his art, hurting them wouldn't be on his agenda. As we all learned today that hurting people was never his intentions until drugs and illness met with pressure and intimidation clouds his brain.

I read up on other artists that painted things similar. In their paintings, they expressed dread, vulnerability, feeling traped, and ..feeling used. If Nathan did find the images he took arousing, then why would he hang them up like everything else in his room like art? I believe that they're depicted in an artful way and in its black and white shading brings a sad darkness. If it's anything like the painters I mentioned, maybe Nathan has a deep level of empathy we don't understand.

●Frank and Pompidou

I didn't even know he took a picture of Franks hurt dog in the road because you little freaks threw his treat in the street!? This will also tie in to chloes pic, but we'll get to that. Frank first, as it's pretty simple. Nathan runs some system with Frank. And it's pretty obvious it's the same thing Drew was doing in Before the Storm. Nathan clearly doesn't like it as he finds it controlling, but getting his hands on drugs is a great way to forget his flaws and calm his illness symptoms. Which only created a loop of his symptoms worsening, as talked about before. His illness is very active towards the end of Before the Storm. You can tell by his huge character difference that drugs only made it worse.

Pompidou is a good dog, but just remember he's not the one who hurt him. This ties in with what we explained in the dead animal phase. The Imagine is black and white. It's a strange art most people don't understand. Man, I don't even understand it. But these people aren't heartless, and they're simply expressing pain. Or.. he took it for the same reason he took Chloes pic. To feel that he's in control, thinking this will help his mental reality of thinking everyone can use him, as explained earlier. But i doubt it. One is in color, and Pompidou is not. One is misguided, and one is "art."

Jefferson, Rachel, Kate, Chloes pic

If i see one more person throw him in the same trash bin as Jefferson, im going to puke. Anyway, I've twisted my head around this story so many times, begging to see the bigger picture. No pun attended. Jefferson was pulling the strings all along ..you know that, right? If Nathan was never there, Jefferson would have still done his disgusting projects. He certainly brought Victoria over without Nathan's usage. He didn't need Nathan, Nathan just made it easier cause he can easily be manipulated. Making Nathan do it all so the consequences will fall on him. Jefferson is smart and knows the right words to say. Nathan is missing the kindness of a father figure. All he has to do is play with his feelings. Nathan falls too easily to kindness. He felt the kindness of Samantha during the good ending, and He felt the kindness from Victoria.. but Victoria toxic bully nature wasn't helping. The bottom line is Jefferson easily manipulates him and understands his mental reality and uses that against him. Adding thoughts into Nathans head. Jefferson learned to use Nathan's illness to his advantage. Nathan trusted Jefferson as did everyone in that school. Why on earth would Jefferson wrong him? He looked up to him, so when Jefferson slowly brought him into his plans of drugging girls, Nathan thought that it was all ..moral. In reality, you and I know obviously that's not okay, but to Nathan (and his severe illness), he trusted Jefferson was doing no wrong. We don't understand the mental strain he was under. Manipulation goes a long way. Heres how he did it. He probably said things like 'We are the same Nathan, this is art just like yours.' It starts small, Nathan gets him the drugs. Then he pulls him in, and Nathan starts drugging the girls for me. Start driving them here. Start helping me inside the dark room. Start helping me inject my victims. Jefferson had so much power over him. He was connected with his father. He can threaten his grade, his representation, and his future in art. He knew all the right things to say and do. He knew how his head worked. Clog him up with drugs, and keep him quiet. Heal his missing father needs and demand him for your needs. Does this not make Nathan a victim, too?

Then ...the Rachel incident happened. Nathan was NOT mentally aware of what he's done. The excited "Rachel!" When he saw Max at the diner clearly shows that he truly expected her to pull up. This mixes with the symptoms we've discussed. He only remembers bits and pieces as obviously it was beyond traumatizing. Sending him in an insane spiral and the infamous psychosis drawing. (Don't be afraid, google psychosis drawings. Damn. Just imagine you recovered from psychosis and laying eyes on that and not remembering you drew that..ugh...I'd cry.) Someone with Psychopathy wouldnt feel traumatized from such events, debunking the fact everyone thinks Nathan has Psychopathy. He doesn't have Psychopathy, he has psychosis. Moving on. Jefferson was certainly angry with him and drugged Nathan himself after the incident, which really helped Nathan to forget what he's done. But Jefferson's anger and not talking to him tore him apart. His emotional attachment clearly wasn't having it. The note he wrote Jefferson in desperate attempt to bring him back after ruining Jefferson plans goes to show just how much he wants that sense of being cared for. If only it was someone else that wasnt Jefferson ..or his dad can do is fucking job too.

Alcohol was certainly a great method of forgetting what he did. So then comes Chloes' interaction with him. We know the story. He did not SA her, I can say that right here and now. Nothing like that was behind this. You can tell by the way Chloe presented the story to Max. There wasn't an uncomfortable tone to her story. She didn't seem traumatized but more shocked, and "it was pretty crazy." She also wasn't drugged for that long. She woke up very soon, fully clothed. What obviously happened is that Nathan used this to feel in control like the mentioned way above. Drugs and Psychosis is no jokes. Who knows what hell is playing in his mind, but I unfortunately believe that this was to try to win back Jefferson. He had been angry at him and ignoring him, and even tho he hates drugging, his confusion and drunk state led him to this. He's cowardly, and his mind is slipping and tries to do what he thinks is right for him. He's misguided and leads down the wrong path.

Nathan did not SA Kate! Kate story breaks my heart into a million pieces, but if she was SA-ed, it wasn't Nathan. After everything I said above, you can tell that that isn't in his character. But here I want to bring up the voicemail. Nathan claims multiple times that he never wanted to hurt anybody, implying that he felt forced to do harm. Something he DID NOT want to do. Why on earth would anybody have felt forced to SA somebody!? I'm not saying Kate WASN'T SA-ed as I can only assume maybe the boys she was shown with in the video did something or Jefferson. Victoria was Kates bully!!! Nathan wanted to be liked by Victoria and was influenced by her nature. He's desperate for attention and kindness. Victoria did far more to hurt Kate and her reason as to why was shit. You go THAT FAR to one up your photography game. Girl, bye. She spread that video, and she still has empathy, too? Her regretting everything? Did she reallyy regret it? Or did she want to make herself look good for her representation? She showed regret via text message in Before The Storm, too? She doesn't have a mental illness, but the game gave her an act of forgiveness and used her as a victim so the audience would sympathize with her. Goes to show you the game controls what they want you to feel. If they were to do that with Nathan..would opinons be different? Taking us into his mind and how he sees the world around him. They could have..but didnt. Well.. We have the voicemail, but obviously, that didn't stop the haters. It's unfortunate. But the game gave me just enough little clues for me to shine light on in this post. They put so much into his character but never showed the audience the truth.

Conclusion

What we've learned today is that Nathan isn't the villain you think. He's been manipulated, used, and needs mental help, but im sure my old Nathan-defending friends have said this time and time again. Im here to add something....

It's been PROVEN that he's capable of all human emotions. You just refuse to believe it because you're mistaking his illness and claiming all of this was intentional. Psychosis can be temporary. It's like a hand that steals your common sense, feelings, empathy, and sympathy, and you're only left with acting on pure chaos and negative or fearful emotions. After long treatment, your sense of reality returns, your feelings, your empathy, your sympathy.. And all you have now is guilt and regret and self blame that you hurt somebody. If you let Nathan kill Chloe, he is arrested. He had doctors aware of his illness and would have been charged with illness in mind. Forcing the treatment he needed ages ago. By the time Lis 2 came out... I wonder how he's taking it all in? What he did to everyone, what he did to Rachel.

He was written off to die, be locked up, and blamed. Unfortunately, he was caught in the crossfires of the harm of our favorite characters. If he was born in a different family and away from Jeff, he would have never hurt anybody. Matter a fact, he would never have suffered with his listed mental illnesses.

This goes out to all real accidental murder cases. There will always be a great divide in opinions. I hate comparing fictional games with real life, but I find it crazy that we call others nonempathtic when they aren't empathic themselves. It's like the word "accidental" is worthless.

Its always a debate..

Do we feel bad for the lives lost and their families

or

Do we feel bad for the mental crumble of the one who never meant to kill and how their familes have to deal with that.

Are they worthy to walk this earth? Are they worthy to see the daylight again? Are they still human, too? Should they die, too? Is redemption possible?

Who knows. Peoples opinions won't change unless they themselves fall onto the opposing team. If they were to suffer the chaos of accidentally murdering someone or the grief of losing someone from an accidental murder.

Red Nathan, the first Nathan we all experienced from Lis1. Damaged and doomed. Used and mentally obstructed. It's unfortunate things ended this way.

Blue Nathan, Appears in Before the slStorm and Max's alternate timeline. He is clean and hasn't touched drugs. He had not been involved in crimes or violence yet. In this alternate timeline, he has been somehow saved and kept away from mental destruction and Jefferson. We will never really know what drove Nathan towards this peaceful path, but I assumed that it was the kindness of Max that led him in the right direction. (Max somehow changed Victoria, too. With her demeanor being so gentle. I really am curious about the whole back story of that timeline... I think about it alot)

[leafsheep]

In light of recent events I offer insight on Mr. Junichiro Tanizaki of Bungo Stray Dogs and Ms. Naomi

Spoilers ahead ofc

First off I’m just going to explain some things about the novel Naomi gets her namesake from: Naomi (1947) by Junichiro Tanizaki

In Naomi, Naomi is a 15 year old waitress who is groomed by Joji, a 28 year old man who fantasizes about molding her into his ideal wife. The novel starts off with Joji behaving almost parentally towards Naomi, but then progresses into a romantic relationship. Throughout the novel, Naomi herself becomes manipulative and the power dynamics of their relationship shifts as Naomi realizes that she can use her appearance to get what she wants and begins to flirt and use her looks to convince Joji to do things she wants. While this occurs Joji continues to delude himself into believing he is the one in control of their relationship.

In Bungo Stray Dogs, many people are put off by the bizarre and taboo nature of the “Tanizaki Siblings” relationship. As they are introduced as siblings and immediately after are shown to have an intimate romantic and sexual relationship. It’s essentially every fans main ick about BSD.

I have always been of the opinion that Naomi likely was not actually Junichiro’s sister, due to the fact that Naomi is a character from Tanizaki’s novel, while Junichiro is of course, based on the author, and creating a sibling relationship between a author and their character would in general just seem odd to me.

Now that we have a confirmation, I’m happy to share my thoughts :)

I will start off by saying, Naomi’s age while it has been debated, is somewhere between 15-17, some say 16-17 because of the age of consent, but I’m saying 15-17, due to the age of Naomi in the novel being 15, and I will approach this with the idea that she is on the younger side of this spectrum.

Junichiro and Naomi’s relationship appears to be that of a younger girl and her protector/guardian. Naomi is often at Junichiro’s side, and when she is harmed or threatened, Junichiro (who’s often fairly even-keeled) becomes incredibly protective and aggressive. Junichiro doesn’t even really act like someone who is in love with Naomi, like someone who loves her, yes, but not someone in love with her. He has some especially weird moments with her, implications of them having done things in private especially near the start of the series where it’s a more lighthearted story overall, but he doesn’t typically act like he’s in love with her (Keep in mind I haven’t read some of the stuff I’m talking about in a while).

On the flip side, Naomi is not ‘in love’ with Junichiro, she’s obsessed with him. She finds any reason to hold onto him or be near him. Naomi appears to have no shame about showing her thoughts about Junichiro, even in public where people believe their siblings, and she doesn’t even listen to Junichiro when he tries to get her to ease off some.

Now, there’s two possible routes to my thinking process, A. Junichiro is also a reflection of Joji, as Naomi was supposedly inspired by Tanizaki’s Sister-in-law who he possibly had an affair with. This could be plausible as Junichiro is visibly compelled by Naomi and Naomi very obviously has used tactics such as playing up her innocence by pouting or flirting to convince him of things, at different points throughout the story. But I don’t really like this idea, as Junichiro is NOT Joji, in fact his ability comes from a completely different work of Tanizaki’s too, so it would be strange to me that Junichiro would be used as a Joji Parallel so much.

The option B. I prefer, which is that Naomi was in some sort of strange situation parallel to Naomi and Joji’s relationship with somebody else when she and Junichiro met. Junichiro, ‘saves’ (whether she needed it or not is up for interpretation) her, and due to this, Naomi experienced Transference and then later developed Limerence.

Transference is when someone redirects feelings towards someone to another person, such as redirecting feelings towards a parent to a mentor. I suspect Naomi redirected the feelings she had towards her groomer to Junichiro when he became her ‘savior’/‘protector’. This also could explain the sibling cover story, if she was being groomed by a sibling or by someone who acted like a sibling to her at first (like how Joji was first a bit more parental to Naomi in the novel), this could make her start saying “he’s like a brother to me” which could evolve into just considering him an older sibling.

Limerence is where someone involuntarily becomes obsessive and attached to someone else (Their LO or Limerent object). People who experience Limerence become obsessive and analyze everything the LO does. They have intrusive thoughts about them, idealize them, and want reciprocation over everything else. I believe that Naomi has made Junichiro her Limerent object- which can also explain why she doesn’t just flirt to try and get him to do what she wants, she also just does it whenever, she’s fixated on him and wants to be around him as much as possible and she needs him to feel the same way.

No matter the option though, Junichiro is supposed to be someone who helps her, and his allowing her to behave in such a way raises some serious red flags. Whether it’s because he just sucks at getting her the help she needs and discouraging her behavior or because it’s in on some way reciprocated, it’s still alarming.

Their relationship is still weird, the fact they aren’t actually related doesn’t change that. But I wanted to share my thoughts on it.

[marshmallowprotection]

What are your thoughts on the new Cg? Butler Saeran? I’m not use to the him nor Jumin and Zen with glasses. But they look good

Normally, I would do a lengthy analysis post about the image, but there isn’t much here for me to analyze! I do want to write something for the anniversary that I will try to get out before the end of the month, but it's not going to be tacked onto an image analysis since there isn't much for me to say here other than point out a few Easter eggs. 

I got what I wanted. Jaehee in a tuxedo. This is what I manifested at the start of the month and I am grateful that we not only got her in a maid outfit, we got her in a butler outfit, too. Jaehee stans, you have won and she is front and center! This is her moment and she is killing it. I feel the need to stare at her for a little while because it's cute and there's no way I'm going to let this moment pass me by without really appreciating Jaehee aesthetically.

I'll be honest, I don't know why the recent trend has been to make our boy Yoosung super clumsy. He's never really been a clumsy guy and I don't know where someone got the idea that Yoosung isn't on top of what he's doing. I will agree in saying he's probably the easiest person to bully in the entire universe because he's sweet and gullible, but he isn't clumsy, and yet, every image we've gotten of him this year other than his birthday image has had him busting his ass on the ground in one way or another.

Does ANYONE know why they're bullying Yoosung this bad? I mean, he's really cute here and I appreciate that he's trying his best to really impress the MC, but c'mon, give him a break.

I did not realize how badly I needed Jumin in glasses. Jumin's already a very handsome person but somehow adding glasses really elevates it here for some reason. I don't know how his vibe has enhanced for me but it has. I wear glasses myself and I always have, so it's nice to see the characters in glasses in official artwork because I'm always super curious to see how they would look. It's working for Jumin, that I can tell you.

I like that his hair isn't as neat and tidy as it usually is, too.

I fear they have slayed. Saeyoung and Zen are dazzling in their own right and I can't remember the last time they were drawn side by side but I think it's been a little while.

I've already noticed many people have pointed out that Saeyoung is wearing a ring. It's a little bit silly that he's wearing it over his glove, but I have to admit that is something he would do if this were his timeline. He is proud of the fact that he gets to live in this world, and he's even happier to know that he has somebody by his side who understands him more than anyone else. He's definitely that guy who doesn't stop talking about his partner because he's so in love. 

Zen with roses is something I've come to expect because he's also a traditional romantic. Red roses are the best way to captivate someone with your love and it’s no surprise that he follows that path. It might seem a little cliche but who is he if not somebody who loves romantic cliches? He is that guy who would watch romcoms with you all day long regardless of your relationship status with him, he just gets it.

I don't know how I feel about him wearing glasses since he doesn't seem like a glasses guy, but maybe if I saw him in sunglasses I might be able to rationalize this better. He's wearing a stylized pair here and I think it's the gold that's throwing me off. If it was silver, I don't think I would feel as perplexed by how I feel because silver fits him better as that's typically what he chooses for himself.  

Controversial thing to say every time I say it, but I have to tell you guys that Jihyun is still my third favorite character in the game, and I really don’t mind when Saeran and V are drawn together. I recognize that they do this because those two are tied together as the leads of Another Story, just as the core five, meaning Yoosung, Zen, Jaehee, Jumin, and Seven are drawn together.

But, to me, seeing Jihyun with everyone makes me feel like there is a timeline where V did the right thing for everyone and asked for help at the first sign of trouble instead of continually shooting himself in the foot. A lot of the art that's drawn with V included is self-indulgent and can only exist as true fanservice because it would never be true in most routes of the game. 

Normally, I would expect him to look exasperated in art like this but he seems to be fairly confident which is a good change for Jihyun. I’ll take it! 

I have no idea what they're doing here, did they choreograph a song and dance? They aren't the most coordinated members of the group so that makes me want to laugh. It's sweet, but I have a huge feeling they're going to trip over each other if not on their own feet. Saeran is as cute as always, I could talk about him for hours.

Seeing him as a butler always takes me back to when Ray said he would be happy to be your butler in a huge mansion. That was utterly indicative of the fact he was willing to become subservient to you if it meant you would stick around. That’s what the first bad ending is all about. Unfortunately, he thought so poorly of himself that he would be willing to make himself nothing more than something for you to push around if that's what you wanted. 

At least, in this context, he's doing it because he wants to make you happy, sure, but it's not something he's doing to make sure you stick around, he knows you'll still be there no matter what because he doesn't have to work himself to the bone to prove he's worthy of your companionship. 

I don't know if anybody picked this up but the painting is in homage to the anniversary image from two years ago. Rika was in the painting that time, and this time around, it's MC.

I do think it's worth noting that they are playing with light and dark imagery which is to be expected in a game that takes a lot of cues for religious imagery. Rika and MC are always bathed in white and black, light and dark, true contrast.

They're both wearing a dress that goes off of the shoulders, the only difference being the color and the style. MC has a more sleek pattern and Rika is bathed in ruffles. Rika’s seems to be more constrained and MC’s a little more loose around the edges. MC is free to make choices one way or the other by pushing outward, and Rika makes choices that go against her best interest as she pulls inward. I think another CG that plays on this is the BE from V Route.

Love her or hate her, there are important parallels at play here. 

In conclusion, Rika has always been like this in official art and I don't know what to tell you.

[midnightjewel]

Taylor Swift Songs For Your Relationship With The BNHA Boys <3

Simple description like the title says! I can do a part two with more characters if you don’t see your favorites! Keep in mind I might use a song more than once for different characters! 

(Also includes some sad songs for if you’re feeling angsty)

I hope you enjoy! :)

Part 2

Characters included: Bakugo, Kirishima, Denki, and Sero

Bakugo

The Other Side of The Door (Fearless TV)

I said leave but all I really want is you, to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screamin’ “I’m in love with you!”

Sparks Fly (Speak Now TV)

The way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and I’m a house of cards

This Love (1989 TV)

In losing grip on sinking ships, you showed up just in time

EndGame (Reputation)

Big reputation, big reputation oh you and me would be a big conversation

Dress (Reputation)

Even in my worst lies you saw the truth in me and I woke up just in time, now I wake up by your side

Cowboy Like Me (Evermore)

And the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up

The Alchemy (TTPD)

So when I touch down, call the amateurs and cut ‘em from the team. Ditch the clowns, get the crown baby, I’m the one to beat

Angst

Story of Us (Speak Now TV)

And I’m dying to know, is it killing you like it’s killing me?!

But you held your pride like you should’ve held me!

I’d tell you “I miss you” but I don’t know how!

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived (TTPD)

You hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins

I Knew You Were Trouble (Red TV)

I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that

And when I fell hard, you took a step back

Better Man (Red TV)

And it was always on your terms. I waited on every careless word, hoping they might turn sweet again, like it was in the beginning

The Moment I Knew (Red TV) (I feel like he would not show up to your birthday party)

As I say hopelessly “he said he’d be here”

Say Don’t Go (1989 TV)

I said “I love you!” You say nothing back…

Tolerate It (Evermore)

I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it

Kirishima

Enchanted (Speak Now TV)

Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you

Begin Again (Red TV)

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny cause, he never did

You’re in Love (1989 TV)

You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round. And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown

“Slut!” (1989 TV)

And I break down then he’s pulling me in, in a world of boys he’s a gentleman

So it Goes… (Reputation)

You know I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you

So High School (TTPD)

Truth, dare, spin bottles. You know how to ball I know Aristotle.

Brand new full throttle, touch me while your bros play grand theft auto

Guilty as Sin? (TTPD)

We’ve already done it in my head

Angst

Last Kiss (Speak Now TV)

I’m not much for dancing, but for you I did

Red (Red TV)

And that’s why he’s spinning round in my head comes back to me, burning red

Is It Over Now? (1989 TV)

Was it over, when she laid down on your couch?

Was it over, when he unbuttoned my blouse?

illicit affairs (Folklore)

Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby look at this idiotic fool that you’ve made me

Maroon (Midnights)

And I, lost you. The one I was dancing with in New York

Hits Different (Midnights)

I heard your key turn in the door down the hallway. Is that your key? Is it okay? Is it you? Or have they come to take me away?

loml (TTPD)

“I’ll never leave” … “Never mind”

Denki

Our Song (Taylor Swift)

He’s got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel the other on my heart

Fearless (Fearless TV)

You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless

I Can See You (Speak Now TV)

I can see you waiting down the hall for me and I can see you up against the wall with me

Stay, Stay, Stay (Red TV)

But you carry my groceries and now I’m always laughing and I love you because you’ve given me no choice but to stay, stay, stay

Starlight (Red TV)

We were seventeen and crazy running wild

Gorgeous (Reputation)

You make me so happy it turns back to sad there’s nothing I hate more then what I can’t have you are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

I Think He Knows (Lover)

He’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand, boy I understand

Angst

Back to December (Speak Now TV)

This is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night

Out Of The Woods (1989 TV)

Looking at it now, last December. We were built to fall apart, and fall back together

cardigan (Folklore)

I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water

And when you are young they assume you know nothing

gold rush (Evermore)

I can’t dare to dream about you anymore

Midnight Rain (Midnights)

And he never thinks of me, except for when I’m in TV. I guess sometimes we all get some kind of haunted (some kind of haunted) and I never think of him, except on midnights like this…

Fortnight (TTPD)

All my mornings are Monday’s stuck in an endless February

Thought of calling ya, but you won’t pick up…

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys (TTPD)

I felt more when we played pretend then with all the Ken’s cause he took me out of my box, stole my tortured heart, left all these broken parts

Sero

You Belong With Me (Fearless TV)

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you been here all along so why can’t you see? You belong with me!

22 (Red TV)

You look like bad news. I’ve gotta have you!

Call It What You Want (Reputation)

I want to wear his initial on a chain around my neck (chain around my neck) not because he owns me, but cause he really knows me

Lover (Lover)

Can I go… where you go. Can we always be this close forever and ever?

The Lakes (Folklore)

I don’t belong, and my beloved neither do you

Lavender Haze (Midnights)

Staring at the ceiling with you, oh you don’t ever say too much

And you don’t really read into my melancholia

The Tortured Poets Department (TTPD)

You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate

Angst

You’re Not Sorry (Fearless TV)

And you’re asking me to listen cause it’s worked each time before but you don’t have to call anymore, I won’t pick up the phone.

Babe (Red TV)

Since you admitted it, I keep picturing her lips on your neck, I can’t unsee it!

All you had to do was stay (1989 TV)

Had me in one palm of your hand and why’d you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?

Suburban Legends (1989 TV)

You had people who called you on unmarked numbers in my peripheral vision. I let it slide like a hoax on a slippery plastic summer, all was quickly forgiven

And you kiss me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever…

august (Folklore)

Cause you weren’t mine to lose…

my tears ricochet (Folklore)

And now you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain crossing out the good years

The Black Dog (TTPD)

And it hits me…. I just don’t understand how you don’t miss me in the black dog

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me🎀

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - none

y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷

Chapter 16

Matt was not one for moderation. Whether it was motorcycles, slot cars, horses, amusement parks, roller skating, sex, or even eating the same dinner day after day, if he enjoyed it, he’d overindulge.

One evening I gave him a little racetrack with remote-control cars. A few weeks later he had an entire room added onto the house with a professional game track. There he played night after night until he had his fill and then he never went back to the room until much later, when the annex was converted into a trophy room filled with his gold records and awards.

As Matt’s fascination with occult and metaphysical phenomena intensified, Larry introduced him to the Self-Realization Fellowship Center on Mount Washington, where he met Daya Mata, the head of the center. She was an attractive woman who looked remarkably like Mary Lou Sturniolo, and he was captivated by her serenity and spiritual presence. She epitomized everything he was striving to be.

He made several trips to Mount Washington, high in the Hollywood Hills, for sessions with Daya Mata in the hope of attaining kriya, which is the highest form of meditation in the self-realization fellowship.

As relaxed and peaceful as he was upon leaving the center’s hushed grounds, one thing he couldn’t pass up was a good fight. We were on our way home from Mount Washington one afternoon when our limousine passed a service station where two attendants were staging a fight.

“Pull over,” Matt ordered the driver. “Someone’s in trouble.”

He jumped out of the car, Jerry and Sonny following him. Going up to one of the men, he said, “Hey, you want to give somebody trouble, give it to me.”

“Hey man,” the guy answered, scarcely able to believe this was Matt. “I don’t have any problem with you. I’m not arguing with you.”

“I’ll show you something, if you want to get into an argument,” Matt said. He shot out a karate kick, and to his surprise—and everyone else’s—he knocked a pack of cigarettes out of the guy’s pocket. Among our group, Matt wasn’t known for his precision in karate.

Long after the service station fracas, we joked about it, saying, “Man, the Lord had to be on M’s side that day. That guy doesn’t know how lucky he was.”

Of course Matt had acted as if he could do this any time he felt like it. After executing that kick he’d walked away with a cocky smile, warning the guy to stay out of trouble or there’d be more where that had come from.

When we got home, the way Matt told it you’d think he’d just wiped out half a battalion. We all supported his fantasy.

He was eagerly looking forward to one particular film, Harum Scarum, seeing it as a chance to create a genuinely interesting character. He identified his role with Rudolph Valentino’s in The Sheik. At last, he thought, a part he could sink his teeth into. He saw a physical resemblance between himself and Valentino, especially in profile.

During preproduction, he came home darkened with makeup, dressed in white harem pants and a white turban. He looked extremely handsome, much more so than Valentino, I thought. Tilting his head down, with a piercing gaze and flared nostrils, he asked rhetorically, “Frightening, isn’t it, how much I look like him? How does this get to ya?” He took me in his arms Valentino-style and dipped me over à la the famous poster of the Sheik.

Night after night he kept his makeup and the turban on all through dinner and up until bedtime.

Although he was excited about the film when he first started shooting, as each day went by, his morale plummeted. Harum Scarum’s plot was a joke, the character he played, a fool, and the songs he sang, disasters. The film turned out to be yet another disappointment, an embarrassing one at that.

Still committed to the picture but demeaned by its mediocrity, he sought escape on his motorbikes—eleven Triumphs and a Harley—a Triumph for each assistant and a Harley for the boss. Decked out in leather from head to toe and feeling as tough as a pack of Hell’s Angels on a rampage, we roared through the gates of Bel Air, revving our engines at all hours of the night.

Weekends we took trips through the Santa Monica Mountains, stopping off for beer or cola along the way. It was fast, fun, and wild. I liked it so much I wanted my own bike. Despite his concern for my safety, Matt reluctantly bought me a Honda Dream 350.

While he was at the studio I sometimes rode alone, fleeing Bel Air, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, MGM, and all my worries.

During this period when he was still seeking “a higher state of consciousness,” we experimented with mind-expanding drugs. We tried marijuana a few times and neither of us especially liked it. We felt tired and groggy and we’d become ravenously hungry. After a few raids on the refrigerator—and carrying the resulting extra poundage—we decided to stay away from the stuff.

Although he abhorred street drugs he was curious enough to try LSD once. When he initiated our experiment, he made sure Sonny West was on hand at all times to supervise. The night we tried it Steven, Jerry, Larry, Matt, and I took seats around the conference table in Matt’s office upstairs at Graceland.

Matt and I took half a tab. At first, nothing happened. Then we started staring at each other and laughing—our faces were becoming distorted.

I became engrossed in Matt’s multicolored shirt. It started to grow, getting larger and larger until I thought he was going to burst. It was captivating, but I did not like the feeling. I thought: This isn’t real, be careful, you’re losing it. I tried to hang on to sanity.

We all gathered around the large aquarium outside the master bedroom, fascinated by the tropical fish. Funny—there were only two or three, but suddenly I saw an ocean of brightly colored fish. I strolled off and found myself in Matt’s huge walk-in closet, purring like a kitten.

It was early morning when Matt and I went downstairs and walked outside. Dew came down, creating rainbows in the mist, glistening on the trees and the lawn. We studied the leaves, trying to count each dewdrop. The veins in the grass became visible, breathing slowly, rhythmically. We went from tree to tree, observing nature in detail.

It was an extraordinary experience. However, realizing it was too dangerous a drug to fool around with, we never tried LSD again.

By 1966, Matt’s long search for answers to the mystery of life involved us all in the strange games he loved to devise.

In the backyard of our Bel Air home we found him staring up at “planets moving across the sky” for long periods in the darkness of the early-morning hours. He was convinced, and nearly had us convinced, that there were energy waves so powerful they caused the stars to glide through the universe. For hours we all gazed up in wonderment, questioning each other about what we were seeing, afraid to ask ourselves anything but “Could it be possible?”

His imagination peaked later on when we were all standing in the yard, looking over at the Bel Air Country Club, which was being watered by a fanlike automatic sprinkler system.

“Do you see them?” said Matt, looking intently at the course.

“See what?” I asked, ready to hear anything.

“The angels, out there.”

“Angels?” I asked, looking down at the sprinklers. I wanted to believe him, we all did and we went along with it.

As if in a trance, he continued staring at the water for a few minutes. Then he began moving toward them. “I have to go,” he said. “You stay here. They’re trying to tell me something.” He wandered off toward the golf course in pursuit of his vision. Sonny followed, insuring Matt’s safety, and the rest of us were left dumbfounded.

Other times he’d have us stare for hours at the off-white, nubby-textured ceilings, trying to make out delicately lined faces that he said he was causing to appear.

More likely it was just a game he’d made up out of boredom and depression because he was experiencing such a low point in his career. He took sleeping pills to escape, and while fighting off their effect, he created his “images”—his mystical exercises.

The happiest I ever saw him was when he developed a passion for horses. It all began when I said I wished I had my own horse. I’d loved them since childhood, and Graceland had a beautiful old stable in back, where James used to store old furniture. It was equipped with a tack room, hayloft, and several stalls.

About two weeks later, I was in my dressing room when Matt, who had been out for a few hours, returned and knocked on my door. “Sattnin, I want you to come downstairs for a minute, got something I want to show you.”

He led me down the stairway, his eyes shining. Then he guided me out the back door, his hands over my eyes. When he took them away I saw the most beautiful sight I’d ever laid eyes on—a black quarterhorse with one white stocking.

“His name must be Domino,” I said, petting the spirited four-year-old. “Whose is he?”

“He’s yours.” Matt was grinning. “I saw this kid riding him, asked if he wanted to sell. I could just picture you on him.”

“You mean he’s really mine?” I yelled, jumping up and down, throwing my arms around Matt. I wanted to ride Domino immediately and I mounted him.

“Now, wait a minute,” Matt cautioned. “Don’t go off gettin’ yourself hurt.”

He watched me with a concerned look as I rode out through the pasture and then up to the window of Grandma’s room.

“Dodger! Dodger!” I shouted. “Look what I got, my own horse! Isn’t he beautiful? Matt just bought him for me!”

“Good Lord,” Dodger cried. “Get off that thing, y/n. You’re gonna get yourself killed. I’m gonna whop that young’un for gettin’ you that. You got no business ridin’ that creature.”

“It’s okay, Dodger, I can handle him,” I called out, riding off happily.

He was wild and spirited. When I rode in the late afternoons, I was in my own world. It was a wonderful release. Often Matt would watch me from his upstairs window. I’d call out to him, “Come down and ride with me.

Matt didn’t ride very well at that time. About the only experience he’d had was in a few of his films, where he didn’t feel totally at ease. In fact, he was somewhat intimidated by large animals; nonetheless, he accepted my invitation and tried riding Domino.

He loved it, declaring, “I want a horse of my own, a golden palomino.”

Jerry Schilling found Rising Sun at a nearby stable. He was the handsomest palomino imaginable—big and powerful. He’d been trained for shows, and I’ve never seen an animal that demanded and thrived on as much attention as Rising Sun. There was no doubt that this was the horse for Matt.

He remained skeptical and had Jerry test Sun out. “Hey, it’s beautiful, man,” Matt said.

“A great-looking horse. Jerry, you get on it and ride.” Jerry had little, if any, riding experience and was horrified at the thought. Nonetheless, he gamely mounted Sun, looking as misplaced as Noël Coward on a Clydesdale.

Sun took off like a bullet with Jerry barely holding on, every bit of pride in his boots. The magnificent animal seemed to be studying Matt as much as Matt was studying him. He raced back, heading straight to where Matt was standing. “Hold ’em back,” Matt yelled. “I am, M, I am,” shouted Jerry. Matt was won over.

Now we all developed horse fever. We rode late afternoons and well into the evenings. But this wasn’t enough for Matt. As with anything he enjoyed, he wanted everyone else to join the fun. Thus began our quest for horses for the group, including their wives. We bought horses for Billy and Joe Smith, Nate Doe, Jerry and Sandy Schilling, Steven, Charlie, Red, Sonny, Richard—everyone. We bought the finest saddles, blankets, halters, bits, reins, feeding buckets. Anything that had to do with a horse, we bought.

Every afternoon we’d all mount up and ride, in full view of the two hundred or so local fans lined up along the fences. In western riding gear—chaps included—Matt would turn it into a show. He’d race down the long slope in front of Graceland and then strut back and forth before the fans, demonstrating how well he could ride. He’d have all-out races with the guys as the fans cheered them on.

They were in for even more of a spectacle when Matt bought his prize black Tennessee Walker, nicknamed Bear, which he rode attired in full show regalia. He and Bear put on a fancy high-stepping show that—if made available to paying customers—would probably have matched his Vegas take.

His other hobbies—go-carts and model cars—were only machines. This was the first hobby that involved a living creature. The horses responded to his love, and it was touching to witness his attachment to them.

It was a close time for all of us, we had something in common. However, after. Matt had delighted in lavishing horses on all of us, Graceland wasn’t quite big enough to handle the herds. We didn’t know it yet, but we were about to become ranchers.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - sweet chapter since the last few have been sad🎀