#there's so much significantly better trans writing out there

[ftmtftm]

"While transsexual accounts of hormones are largely in agreement with one another, I also find it illuminating to examine the more subtle differences between our individual experiences. For example, I have heard several trans men describe how they started to consume porn more voraciously upon taking testosterone. While my sexuality was definitely more visual when I was hormonally male, and I certainly enjoyed looking at porn on occasion, I still always preferred erotic stories and fantasies to pictures of naked bodies. Similarly, I have heard some trans men say they almost never cry since taking testosterone, whereas I used to cry somewhat often (although not nearly often as I do now) when I was hormonally male. Some trans men have also described becoming more aggressive or competitive since taking testosterone (although others describe themselves as becoming more calm). However, when I was hormonally male, I typically found myself to be the least aggressive or competitive guy in any room I entered. That is not to say I was passive, as I have always been motivated and eager to succeed at any task I have taken on. Rather, I have never felt any desire to have my success come at the expense of others."

Why did she say this? Why did she make this about comparing unsourced claims from "several" trans men to herself? Why is she reinforcing the false narrative that testosterone turns trans men into uncrying porn addicts in passing without any substantiation? Why is she associating testosterone with being aggressive and competitive in the first place?

Oh wait it's because Julia Serano believes in "the subconscious sex" and biological determinism and actively pushes back against decades of Feminist work that tries to separate sex and hormones from gender and behavior.

It's because The Whipping Girl has more of an interest in reinforcing Patriarchal beliefs about gender hierarchy and the way gender conforming binary trans women fit into it, rather than in breaking those beliefs down to change them because Julia Serano actively pushes against the idea that a dismantling of the gender binary would be a good thing for all trans people.

The Whipping Girl literally stands in opposition to the vast majority of the trans activism and theory that came before it in a careless and self centered, self victimizing way.

It has many real things to say about misogyny and trans womanhood but it constantly undercuts itself and shoots itself in its own foot because Serano cannot accept the idea that maybe, dismantling the gender binary and letting go of biological determinism would actually benefit binary, gender conforming transsexual people too.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

which romance novels have you liked the most and also which ones have you disliked the most??

YEAH LET'S GO!!!

Helen Hoang is my absolute #1 ride or die, anything she writes I'm here for forever. I do think that Kiss Quotient is the weakest of her books, which isn't shocking from a first novel, but the sex is solid and she got SIGNIFICANTLY better for the Bride Test and the Heart Principle. those were the best romances I read in 2023 and the competition is not close, Bride Test in particular is just a heap of fun.

Alexis Hall's A Lady for a Duke is also pretty excellent, just really dreamy trans woman historical romance with the most #woke and fuckable 19th century duke who ever lived. yes the duke gets over his alcoholism and laudanum addiction way too fast. yes there's an insane shoehorned Wickham-running-off-with-Lydia style plot at the end that comes out of nowhere and doesn't really make the story better. no there's no enough sex. but who cares? just have fun with it.

I also really really enjoyed Lauren Kung Jessen's Lunar Love but like... entirely because I was reading the protagonist, Olivia, as like a Rachel Bloom Crazy Ex-Girlfriend type who's so obsessed with the Chinese zodiac because she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. that's definitely not what the intent was but I think Olivia should have been allowed to be way MORE unhinged, tbh. I think Olivia should be allowed to kill.

as for the dishonorable mentions... god.

Tessa Bailey's Unfortunately Yours is ATROCIOUS. unbearable characters and dialogue that feels like listening to a garbage disposal and sex scenes that almost ruptured my spleen because I was laughing so hard. also the premise was just. very dumb. I Cannot Handle fake relationship books where the characters are stupid about it. the only part of it I like was the female protag's mom, a frigid evil milf who could keep me like a purse dog.

speaking of fake relationships, Chencia Higgins' book D'vaughn and Kris Plan a Wedding was also a huge letdown. the premise of two strangers having to fake a relationship on a reality tv show is good silly fun but Higgins just seemed like... DEEPLY uninterested in the reality tv aspect except as an excuse for how the characters met? when camera crew politely agreed not to film D'Vaughn coming out to her family, that was some bullshit. the whole book is just really sloppy, it's very disheartening that this is like THE #1 Black lesbian romance that I see recommended because it sucks and Black lesbians deserve soooo much better.

Kiss Her Once for Me by Alison Cochrun has been one of the hardest books to read because the protagonist/POV character is just soooo whiny and insufferable. she's supposed to be a very #relatable smol bean but god she was exhausting, I couldn't stand her.

[dark-night-star-light]

This was supposed to be a Talina post, but it turned into a fucking Talon backstory post instead. Whoopsie. It's long. Be warned.

Talon is Stetriolan. Naturally, this meant she joined the Conqueror army. But it's so much more than that.

Drina met her when they were seven. She was sneaking off during a royal procession in her honor (she was crown princess, which she was eventually knocked down from after she got bonding sickness) and Talon was there. Drina was intrigued because she'd never seen much of kids her own age besides Shane.

They stole food together. Drina had money, but who cares about that.

Talon's father had a spirit animal and the bonding sickness, and keeled over from it when Talon was ten years old.

Drina snuck out of the palace a lot to meet Talon, whose family was significantly poorer, and eventually started inviting her over. They grew up together, basically. Talon's family benefited a lot from her connection the the royal family.

Then Drina summoned Iskos, and it all went downhill. Screaming, crying, you name it, but the entire relationship went sideways. But Talon couldn't let go of her attachment to Drina.

Talon tried to teach Drina how to use a crossbow, but Drina was hopeless. Talon stopped trying to teach her when Drina almost shot the iconic Stetriolan throne.

Talon always saw Shane as an annoying younger brother, and treated him as such. She also taught him how to use a saber, and is the reason he's so good at it today.

Drina eventually begged Talon to join the Conqueror army, and Talon did it for Drina.

Yeah, Drina and Talon were kissing behind the scenes during the entire war, actually. This is canon, actually.

Talon became a double agent during the war. She pretended to join the Greencloaks after summoning her bird, claiming she bonded to it naturally. They believed her, and always seemed skittish around her, because bonding naturally meant they, the Greencloaks, the supposed protectors of Erdas, hadn't been able to protect her. Talon hated them, but pretend it was all fine and dandy.

She became friends with Keith. Who's Keith? Some guy. Shit fighter, he was. He eventually caught her sending letters via her bird to Drina. Fortunately for Talon, the letters were written in code, and they appeared to the layman as disgustingly over-the-top love letters.

Thus, Keith learns that Talon has a girlfriend. He is the biggest Talon-girlfriend shipper ever. Talon refuses to tell him who the girlfriend actually is, but lies and says she's Euran. Keith learns to make a shepherd's pie to impress the girlfriend for "when I finally meet her". He never does.

Talon is a trans girlie, by the way. In case you care.

Talon learns Drina got killed through Shane himself. He took it upon himself to tell her. He tells her that the sacrifice was worth it, and to come home for the final victory. It's through writing, so Talon can't decipher his tone.

Out of grief and rage, Talon recklessly tries to escape Greenhaven. Of course, she runs into Keith on the way out. He asks her where she's going, and she tries to knock him out. He's a better fighter now so he blocks her. She runs into the woods, but unfortunately Greenhaven's an island. That's not good for her.

She waits in the woods until Keith leaves, and hopes he doesn't hate her. But she has a feeling he already knows.

She sneaks onto a boat and eventually ends up back at Stetriol. Shane's there. They talk about Drina. It doesn't really help.

She sees Drina's dead body and now her entire purpose feels destroyed. Drina was the reason she joined the Conquerors and now she won't even be there to celebrate the final victory.

She tries to kill herself, but Gerathon herself stops her using the Bile-control. She thinks it's ironic that Gerathon killed Drina against her will but is keeping her alive against her will.

She sees Keith at the battle at the base of Muttering Rock. She feels nothing. He feels nothing. They fight like two soldiers on opposite sides, not two friends. But she can't help but notice that he doesn't make any truly dangerous moves against her. And she can't help but notice the same about herself.

The Conquerors lose. Talon doesn't care anymore. Shane does his best to keep her alive because he knows Drina would want him to. They eventually part ways.

. . . Until Shane hires her to the Redcloaks. She'd been noticing how her features were slowly warping, but she didn't take much notice. She just felt numb. Just nothingness.

Shane brings her back. Tells her that there's a new threat, and that they finally have a chance to redeem themselves. And that the real Drina, the Drina that existed before the bonding sickness and the Bile warped her beyond repair, would want them to. He begs her to do it for Drina. And he tells her about his conversation with Yumaris. She is the only one to know besides Anya, Yumaris, and Shane himself.

Shane didn't send her after Grif and Anuqi. She sent herself. Shane pretends to be annoyed, but in reality, he's glad she has some drive and is acting like her old self again.

She disrespects Shane in front of the other Redcloaks. A lot. She'll never see him as a leader, just as the annoying preteen that asked her what that painting in the palace was supposed to mean and flicked food at her across the table as a kid.

When she saw Keith on the mission with Grif and Anuqi, she knew that she had to make things up to him, and him personally.

After the mess with the Wyrm, she makes a journey to Greenhaven with Stead. Keith isn't there. So she travels to Amaya, where he's from, to meet him herself.

He has incredibly mixed feelings upon seeing her again. But he knows who the Redcloaks are, really. And he's wondered whether she'd be with them since he found out about them.

He's shocked at her transformation. Naturally.

Eventually they make up. They spar. He's better than ever.

When the Oathbound are hunting Greencloaks, Talon hides Keith with the Redcloaks. They almost find him, too. The irony in Keith pretending to be a Redcloak is not lost on either of them.

Once things settle down, Talon helps Keith find the two missing bond tokens in the sea near the Zhongese palace. Keith returns one and Talon returns the other, which symbolizes for how the Greencloaks and Redcloaks are really and truly working for the same side now.

[jitterbugjive]

So Maybe I Do Have Autism

Firstly, I have been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours with no luck, so I've given up for now and decided to do this now instead of later. I have some old behavioral notes from various counselors, some from school and one a more general counselor, and they point out a lot of behaviors that really just scream 'autism' to me and my friends who have it. If I was born the male sex I very likely would have been diagnosed with it. I censored out my dead name but the pronouns are still female since I didn't come out as trans until my 20s.

Warning, some of the language used in these notes can be a bit outdated or even ableist because these notes mostly come from the 90s.

So this is all Kindergarten to first grade and there's one main thing I want to point out about my 'argumentative' behavior. I actually remember arguing with people as being my way of having fun or hanging out, hence why this girl I was not supposed to play with that I was always fighting with registered in my head as my "best friend". She argued with me a lot, therefor spent a lot of time with me, therefor liked being with me, and thus had to be my best friend.

Also to note is that I found math and writing easy, which is kind of funny because it remained that way all the way into highschool where I would generally excel in math and literature and they were my favorite academic classes.

Next ones are in the third grade:

I want to remind people how stressful Christmas used to be for me. It makes perfect sense that my behavior would dip significantly after Christmas break. I would have come back from a situation with a lot of yelling, chaos, and abuse.

The older I got, the less kids wanted to be around me because they became more aware of my odd and 'annoying' behavior. It got harder and harder for me to understand other kids because they were more complex and confusing, and I found myself getting along better with much younger kids because they were easier to understand.

Next are observations my mom provided to the counselors when trying to get me an ADHD diagnosis. At this point I was 8 years old.

Lastly are notes from when I sought out counseling when I was 17, this was after being in special ed for a long time which was a better environment for me overall.

It's funny I said I have "never hurt myself", because what I thought of as hurting myself was things like cutting. I didn't think that hitting or biting myself counted as hurting myself, and I didn't want them to think I was suicidal.

I also want to add a couple of stories that add to this from my memory. I remember in 5th grade I was finally placed in special ed, and I had to go on a smaller bus that had teenagers because of that. And those teenagers scared me and were kind of mean. So one day I read a book at the school library and checked it out because one page had what I thought was a pretty scary dragon head on the spread. And when I went on the bus, I pulled up the book and held that page over my face at the teenagers to scare them, and they of course reacted mock scared and were making fun of me. But at the time, I thought they were legitimately scared because I was super bad with sarcasm.

Another time, I can't remember how old but in elementary school, I put on a shitty wig to pretend I was someone else, hoping no one would recognize me and therefor stopping the bullying. Obviously that didn't work.

Sooooo yeeeaah, I dunno about you but this really comes off to me as autism and not just ADHD. I'm fairly sure I have both, to be honest.

Thoughts would be appreciated. I'll probably bring these up with my therapist, though I'm not seeking a diagnosis any more because it would probably make things more difficult for me.

[auschizm]

This is just a ramble about medical neglect:

I’ve followed the schizophrenia dialogue for a few weeks now and I’m beginning to have another one of those “oh so that’s what they label it as” moments that I’ve had with basically all my labels. I’ve always had these differences and in some form been aware of them. But one of my biggest difficulties is communicating. I’m not non verbal but I do think I fall on a minimally verbal spectrum and language in general feels like shoving putty through the gears of my brain. So even though I try and tell anyone and everyone my symptoms they are at best downplayed or ignored. I’ve always been hyper aware of how I feel about certain things and have gotten really good at accommodating myself. But that only came after late realizations to things that where hurting me severely. Panic attacks taking me out of extra curricular, depression stopping me from going to school, adhd making me unable to focus in school, autism making me unable to hold meaningful relationships (at least with the people I know), being queer and trans making it hard to relate to peers. It’s always been a matter of my body and mental capacity being pushed beyond where it can go, a break down and slump, realizing and research on my own, and then learning to cope and accommodate myself. It’s happened so many times that I’ve built up a decent foundation for survival but doing it alone means there are deep cracks. I’m so tired all of the time and the idea that I can’t keep pushing past my exhaustion was itself exhausted years ago. I have to keep pushing, I’m the only one putting time and energy into myself so if I stop, I fall, immediately. It’s been a terrifying way to live life. Especially now, my last break down being trapped in a house in the dessert with several not well people, experiencing immense psychosis and ending up homeless for months after. I’m in an apartment and significantly better now, I’m also learning the symptoms I’ve been experiencing, that can’t be explained already, sound a whole lot like schizophrenia. I’m not sure where to go from here, I never really have. I’ve never had proper medical attention before. There where times when even obvious physical injury’s where ignored by family and professionals, addressing anything mental has been impossible. I have a therapist now but I can’t even get them to agree with me about depression, so we only work on material improvement. I’m exhausted, I love myself and I deserve better than this, but I can’t do much better.

Thank you for raising awareness, it’s genuinely made my life easier and I appreciate you a lot. Would you have any ideas for non medical accommodations for living with schizophrenia. It’s okay if not

I am so sorry that you haven't received the support and accommodations you've needed, and I am really impressed that you have managed to care for and stand up for yourself regardless. That's very impressive and inspiring. And depending on the details of your experience with schizophrenia, it might not be particularly helpful to medicalize it. Because as you've clearly already noticed, often the people who are supposed to help you don't actually help much, professionals included. And while there are definitely situations where a label like schizophrenia is a necessary evil, it is also a target that can make you vulnerable to various kinds of discrimination and bigotry. I am not telling you not to seek medical help, but I strongly encourage you to think it through first. Even though I unfortunately can't write you a guide to coping with schizophrenia on the spot.

[gwaaaaar]

Black Butler racism (or just overall bigotry) is the funniest shit ever (no it isn't. It's awful) because. Black Butler somehow got better. And worse. Spoilers under the cut for Baldroys backstory btw.

Please try not to take this as an entirely anti-black butler sort of argument. I was thinking about this in passing and thought it was something worth discussing. So DON'T COME AT ME!!!

I'm gonna start off with the easiest and earliest examples of racism.

Soma and Agni-! Wow... so I'd argue in the beginning Soma was based off of, I wouldn't say harmless stereotypes, but stereotypes that weren't applied with malice. He's a prince with like. 26+ siblings so he never really had a chance for the throne.

The 26+ siblings is... an unfortunate common stereotype applied to brown people, more specifically muslim. Soma is from Bengal and depending on where, there could be a high muslim population. But Soma is hindu. Either way, it's not. Good. To portray brown people like this. Like having 20+ kids that is a bad look. Indians do have big families, I should know, but not to that extreme and it has weird implications. Also when Soma tells Mey Rin to strip because painting naked women is better... yikes

Here is the harmful part: his and Agni's worship of Ma Kali is treated as a joke. Like ohhh look at this scary demonic hindu goddess!!! Even sebastian is weirded out and he's a demon!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. :/

BUT. but. This. PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE SINOPHOBIA. Holy shitttt Lau... oh my god he is like a stereotype from mf Tintin. The opium den and the Chinese girl in skimpy clothing is crazy (and the implied incest??? What is ran mao to him again??? Theyre like siblings right???)... It really fucking sucks that the way hes portrayed almost implies that Chinese people wanted the opium crisis rather than you know. Having it pushed onto them by the British . I can be upset about Soma all I want but damn... maybe indian people did get the good end of the stick.

And, it's weird right? It's weird how one minority that normally isn't treated seriously can escape with relatively minor stereotyping compared to. TO THE SHIT TON OF OPIUM. Of course there's a lot of historical things going on, but wow the sinophobia is nuts.

I do think the main problem is somewhat classism. Victims are treated brutes for retaliating. Like that one miniarc where indian immigrants were tying up British nobles that visited India because they were angry that they were used and tossed aside and can't go back home. Soma, one of the few indians treated with sympathy, is a prince. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE WHAT THEY DID TO MINA... she was rightfully upset. The caste system is a terrible thing and she wanted to escape that, and she's the bitch? She isn't gentle to Soma, but she's in the right.

Black Butler has evolved as a story significantly since the beginning and when I say it's kind of gotten better I mean, the characters have evolved so much they can no longer rely on stereotypes. We have to take Soma and Agni seriously, they are no longer just some funny foreigners. LAU DOESN'T EVEN DO OPIUM ANYMORE AFAIK... that was like 50% of his personality and she got rid of it lmao.

edit: i lied he still does opium its just that isnt his personality anymore.

And that's a good thing! They shouldn't have been portrayed in such ways in the beginning. Stereotyping is just objectively shit writing. But also yeah shitty thing to do to minorities.

I think one of the most beautiful cultural references made later on is post Agni's death, when Soma has had enough and finally snaps. The panel that says "he has gone down the path of Maa Kali" is so poetic and my roman empire . It's a good reference back to the deity they worship, but instead of her being treated as something to ridicule or be scared of, it shows how Soma's personality, and background has lead him to who he is today. I think it's beautiful! I'm happy Soma is in the story because of that.

The same can be said about the slight transphobia with Grell in the beginning. NOW I know in the beginning, there wasn't a particular word for trans women or people in general so a word referring to effeminate/gay men or crossdressers was used. This isn't about that, language changes etc etc. Its moreso how she was portrayed as like, a sicko serial killer. Like yk, negative trans stereotypes. But over time she was recognized as a woman and gets to be her own character. Which is awesome! It's good that shes been viewed more postively over time.

Now... here's where things might be getting worse.

Baldroys backstory pisses me off. The idea that native americans were like ravaging his hometown and killed his innocent family. He even says something like how he knows their land got stolen so their reaction was probably justified but he doesn't care. It just. It just feels like siding with the colonizers you know? Like perpetuating these stereotypes to give people a reason to be "afraid". I know conflict was pretty rampant back then but there's just certain things people should be careful with when portraying... and I don't think Black Butler did a good job. I was really surprised to see that it was from a recent chapter bc it honestly read like something from the older ones.

AT LEAST we finally got a black grim reaper wooo mama

[barbwritesstuff]

i wish more if authors included trans people in their games like u did, sadly it's still mostly cis characters and the "occasional" nb one

I didn't always used to feature trans characters in all my stories. Heck, I didn't even really know trans was a thing people could be until I was an adult. My schooling was... eh... pretty bad (polite way to put it) in many ways.

But, recently, so many people have been so publicly awful to trans people, I think my own way of pushing back against that is to write more trans characters just being normal people.

I dunno. I know it's not much, but I really hope it makes a difference in some small way.

But, again, I feel a bit uncomfortable being praised just for including two trans characters. There are other people out there, trans creators especially, who are making much better stories than me, many of which include more trans characters and have significantly more to say on the subject.

So... eh... anyway. Trans rights. 💙

[whatever-you-can-give-me]

my biggest challenge with regards to addressing the things i'm frustrated about in popular trigun fanon is that i don't necessarily think any of them are bad on an individual level, i respect everyone's right to create fanwork even if it's not so much fanwork as using existing characters as a template for their own personal proclivities. that's. fine. everyone does it.

i really don't want to imply that everyone who's decided they like wolfwood better if he's bulky and betitted and sexually capable is doing it because they need to check their internalized biases in regards to the expectations of masculinity for men of color and the general perception of latino men. that's allowed to be a thing you like. and 98 and trimax wolfwood do have some traits that vaguely resemble fanon wolfwood. it's not like it came out of nowhere.

but. if that's what everyone is doing, regardless of the canon being depicted. that's just a little bit weird!! that is a totally different guy from any of the versions of the existing character. and the specific traits that have been invented wholecloth for this fanon version have some. baggage!!! given the simultaneous redesigning that across the board darkens his skintone significantly.

and similarly i don't have anything against trans vash headcanons or even the tendency to have the trans character bottom, there is zero problem with that. i have literally, intentionally, written wolfwood the same way people write vash because i genuinely agree that the dynamic is hot.

but when "has a cunt" has replaced vash's entire personality in fanon because of course being a trans man means being a squeaky tearful uwu bottom and probably a virgin. i start looking around for who spiked the punch with terf koolaid. this is more than just falling for vash's bit this is just. wringing him of any individuality or canon personality.

complicating things even more is that a lot of this shit predates stampede, and it predates stampede because the original versions of characters did have some of the quirks that their new & fanon soup versions are assigned. but they had those as part and parcel of their characters, and that's just been repurposed into extremely tired and racist & bioessentialist tropes.

i know this is a bigger problem than this one fandom or just these two characters, but vashwood is my ship, so it's the place i've felt the most disappointment.

[six-of-snakes]

Trans Tape vs. Binding

hello! you can call me Oliver or Corvus, and I'm a genderqueer trans guy. I've been binding for about three years now, and I tried trans tape today, and i just wanted to write a little post comparing the two and talking about my experiences.

[under a read more because it got very long!]

Binding

What i like:

makes my chest fairly flat

easy to take on and off

in the same vein, easy to hide when necessary

simple

What i didn't like:

really sweaty

have to be very careful wearing it during physical activity (which is a problem since i usually have bad dysphoria while doing physical activity)

i have fairly sensitive ribs/chest, so it hurts sometimes

Trans tape

(now obviously i only used this very very briefly but here are my first impressions)

What i like:

a lot less restrictive than my binder

apparently i can do physical activity in it, which would be great

also apparently i can sleep in it?

can wear for multiple days, less of a process every day

What i don't like:

long time to put on

doesn't make my chest nearly as flat as my binder does

the whole adhesive on skin feeling is not great, but i think i could get used it

very very touchy while putting on: getting the tape to lay flat was a STRUGGLE and i couldn't really manage, especially on the sides of my chest, so it rubbed a lot

hard to hide the supplies

not sure how hard it will be to get off after wearing it for multiple days, but it really wasn't bad taking it off after a couple of hours

i can't yet tell how much it hurts my ribs, so we'll see on that one

Comparing the two

i think that with a little more practice, I'll be able to get trans tape to work a lot better, and hopefully that will be worth the stuff im not a huge fan of with it. i do still really like me binder, despite the pain i sometimes end up in, so i doubt I'll switch to purely trans tape.

comparisons in specific areas

i don't think I'll be able to make my chest significantly flatter with trans tape, at least not in the way i can with my binder, so in terms of flattening power, my binder is better.

in terms of shaping the chest, i really really liked the trans tape! i didn't spend a ton of time playing with it, but it worked pretty well to flatten stuff out and make my chest just seem more masculine overall.

comfort-wise, i found they both had pros and cons. the adhesive feeling and rubbing with the trans tape i found deeply unpleasant, but the rib pain with the binder is not fun either.

ease of use: against the binder wins out here. it took me ahout ten tries to figure out how to apply the tape, although i think it'll be quicker in the future. still, slipping into my binder is a lot easier.

in terms of being able to hide it, I would again say the binder is easier, simply because it's a single piece of cloth: you can fold it, stuff it in your backpack, hide it in your other clothes, whatever. i do feel that well-applied tran tape under clothes would be less obvious than a binder, though, so it depends on what your goals are.

[aparticularbandit]

Initial response. 

Initial response. 

Nonnie, I want to apologize.  I should not have snapped at you yesterday, and having just woken up and not eaten are not excuses for doing so.  I knew my own mood and knew better than to post more than just that, and yet I did so anyway.  That’s not constructive to good dialogue, and I’m sorry for that.  Honest.

I apologize that my interpretations of Kathryn’s characters - namely Agatha, Eve, and Claire - do not line up with yours, and I’m sorry that my consistent posting of these interpretations are causing you such frustration.

However, I know that there are people - both here and on AO3 - who enjoy those interpretations and the stories that have come from them.  You’ve mentioned that there are multiple writers like me who write interpretations you don’t like and who you believe are stripping the characters of personality traits and who they are.  I disagree that this is meant to jump on a popularity train; I think that these other writers, like myself, have connected with different aspects of these characters and focus more on those - or who want to see how they might shift or adapt or change based on different situations.  What they might look like if they were dark or vampires or in ballet.  Sometimes, when we write characters as trans or bi or pan, despite the common fanon on them, it’s not for popularity’s sake or to rock the boat but because, when we look at those characters, we see that in them.  We see something different.

And that is okay.

Do I like every interpretation of every character I read?  No.  I don’t.  I’ve started some stuff that I really haven’t liked.  Have I looked at casting for roles that I love and questioned the choices?  Yes.  Frequently.  And have I been frustrated when a movie adaptation has done poorly with a story and characters who I very much love?  Also yes.

But that doesn’t mean that those adaptations don’t still have merit, and that doesn’t mean that the people who enjoy them are wrong for enjoying them.  I was in the Hannibal fandom for a while, and there was so much discourse over the characters in the show vs. their characters in the books vs. their characters in the Hopkins movies (with very minimal discussion of the first movie adaptation, if I remember correctly) - and so much discourse over Hannigram vs. every other ship - and so much hate for people who. were just. enjoying something.  Seeing something they liked and being exuberant in liking it.  And then fighting because other people didn’t see things the same way they did.

I’m sorry that the tags for these characters you love are being filled with interpretations you don’t like, but you must understand, Nonnie, that doesn’t mean that they’re wrong.  We are here in fandom to have fun and to enjoy community with one another over these characters and stories that we analyze and continue and twist and shape and mesh, and if it has stopped being fun for you, then I apologize for that.

I don’t plan to stop writing for these characters anytime soon.  I’ve enjoyed writing for Eve and Agatha and Claire, and I’ve enjoyed talking with other people in the community about them - even when our theories don’t agree (and this has happened significantly with Claire just due to the nature of the argument over whether the shitheads are just corrupt, horrible, rich, entitled assholes or not, without even getting into everything else).

I cannot speak for the other writers who are causing you such discomfort, but I do have a specific tag for my writing - bandit fic - which you can block at your leisure.  That should get my fic out of the tags for you.  If you want, I can start tagging my general interpretation posts, too, with something like bandit headcanon so that you won’t have to see those either.  I don’t know how reliable I’ll be with that particular one, but I can try to remember.

If that is not enough, then I would suggest blocking me.  That should not only prevent you from seeing my stuff in the tags, but it should also prevent you from seeing the reblogs of them, which simply blocking my tags won’t do.  I would also suggest perhaps doing this with the other writers whose interpretations you don’t like, because chances are that you aren’t going to get them to stop writing.

And if, somehow, you do convince them to stop writing, I feel really really sorry for the community.  Because one of my favorite things about fanfic and roleplaying and meta and all of it is seeing all of the diverse ways we look at these characters and interpret them.  Even if I don’t like what people say or where they end up.  Because our interpretations are going to be as diverse as we are, and sometimes people come up with a new way of looking at a character or a story that I would never have thought of, and it’s beautiful.

And I’m sorry that you don’t see it that way.

[bootlegmozart]

tfw ur mom misgenders ur bf the whole time you're at her place for shitsmas as if her son (me) isn't also trans.

tells me what i need to know about her.

if my dad apologized for beating the shit out of me as a kid, i'd probably like him more, but at least he didn't fuckin misgender my partner. my parents really fucked us kids up, and i hope my siblings get the therapy they need to grow emotionally. i love them so fucking much and it hurts to see them hurting and struggling with depression among a myriad other things.

like, how the fuck are you going to make the entirety of shitsmas about yourself? My partner didn't get to see his family, who are significantly more healthy and functional than mine. How are you going to screech about being the sloppy seconds when he didn't even get to see anyone and get his firsts? xmas isn't about you, it's about others. At least my siblings tried to give a shit. I can't blame them for how they acted because they haven't been able to work on themselves at all. At. All. It's always been doing shit for my fucked up parents. I can't hold anything against them, and I won't ever do that to them. They're my brothers. My homies. I know they got my back no matter what. They deserve so much better than what they were given.

I haven't felt this angry in so long. I used to be an edgy shitlord that wanted to kill everyone, and I've mellowed out a lot, but this? This infuriates me. This anger lets me know that nothing has changed with them. They might call me by my name and use the right pronouns, but they're selfish, self centered children. I never want anything from them for the stupid holiday because I don't want reminders of them anywhere near me.

How fucking dare you? How dare you treat my partner, my love, my everything, like this? How dare you give him two fucking lines about thanking him, and how you're glad he's here for me while I was in the fucking hospital, when you fucking yelled at me for not writing enough on the 50 fuckin thank you cards for my stupid first communion? How dare you not give him more than 20 seconds of your time to write a heartfelt thank you? How dare you give him dirt when he couldn't even see his family? What is wrong with you people? You taught me how to write a proper thank you and you don't properly thank people back. After everything he did for me, yet, you want to see me again next year after how you behaved. My partner and I are a package, and if he doesn't get respected, then I won't respect you with my response, my presence, or any presents.

You don't deserve my brothers. You don't deserve my partner.

You don't deserve me.

[aro-and-tired]

Whenever I see people asking for advice on how to write aro rep my only answer is “make more of it”. Now yes there are a handful of things that are universally bad but a lot of the advice I see sort of ends up being aro people starved for representation who sort of accidentally end up throwing other aro people under the bus, often not out of open malice but because they so desperately want to see their own experience.

As in, an aro person who has a lot of love for their friends and family may tell people to make more aro characters who are very loving, and they are so right in wanting to see that sort of characters! But if people took it to mean that that is the right way to write aro characters, loveless aros won’t see themselves represented. And if people say to write nonpartnering aros, then that is great! But then we still have a lack of rep for aros who have or want a relationship. And so on and so forth.

The truth is, aro rep is so lacking that at this point even making a handful of aro characters depicted in a certain way would significantly “skew” the bulk of aro representation. I appreciate alloromantic people asking how to write aro rep and it’s good that they want to educate themselves on which kind of things are harmful to aros, but at the same time the only honest answer one can give is please write pretty much any kind of aro character with any kind of feelings towards love and romance and relationship and there’s a 99% chance people will be all over it.

I think asking for specific things would be a lot more useful too. Asking for advice specifically on how to write an aegoromantic character or an aroallo character in a romantic relationship or a loveless nonpartnering aro in a respectful way may be a better way to figure out what to avoid than asking for a generic aromantic character. Which tbh is true of all kind of reps - if you ask how to write say trans rep you are going to receive general advice but it’s better to specify if you are writing a trans woman, a trans man, a nonbinary person, etc. Aromantic is a big umbrella so it’s inevitable any advice that goes a little in depth will end up excluding one section of it.

[god-of-a-thousand-demons]

“Naoto’s arc is about sexism not being trans, nuance was lost in translation”

Ok but like… that’s not how that works because the trans experience and workplace sexism are two entirely different topics? Saying “nuance” is the missing link is saying that those two things are one in the same, and they’re absolutely not.

Also, Atlus are the ones that translated the game. They chose the words they wanted to get across what they were trying to say, so the likelihood of Naoto’s arc being “mistranslated” just doesn’t make sense.

It would be a very big translation error for that to be the case, and like I said “nuance” just isn’t that because wanting to be a boy and not wanting to be disregarded as a woman are two completely different messages.

And I’m not gonna take someone else’s translation, some one who has bias in either direction, over what Atlus themselves decided were the right words. At best if it’s “lack of nuance” like people say, than that will still be lost when someone else translate it because everyone understands language differently subconsciously, and at worst it would be others translating it in a specific way on purpose. Meanwhile Atlus wouldn’t have had such an approach immediately translating it after writing it because they wouldn’t have anything to gain or lose in doing so, it would be much more “natural” because they were just translating it to translate it, not to give it a specific meaning.

I think what a lot of people are missing about Naoto’s story is 1). It’s genuinely bad writing, and 2). Gender is a complicated thing. Naoto’s story is not set up to be a reveal or to hint at all about sexism until they suddenly say it’s so and if that was the original intent of his character, that is on Atlus for doing an extremely poor job of properly handing that storyline. Like, horrendously bad because like I said, not wanting to be treated poorly as a woman and not wanting to be a woman at all are nothing alike. There is overlap, but at their extremes there’s no similarity whatsoever.

To the second point, gender is complicated. Trans people go through this entire process of self examination, of viewing ourselves from others eyes, of considering our place in the world because of gender. Many trans man go through exactly what Naoto does at some point; “am I really trans or am I just faking it because of [insert quote-un-quote “benefit” of being trans]?”

But thing is, in modern societies, there is no benefit of being trans. Getting a sex change to move up in the societal hierarchy is not a thing. That puts way too much risk on Naoto’s current social standing and if being a woman was already undesirable, being a trans man when “she” isn’t actually a trans man would make things significantly worse.

When trying to figure ourselves out, trans people throughly debate our place in society and how pursing or letting go of our trans desires will impact that placement, because placement in society as we know it is inherently tied to survival. Cis people don’t have to think about that in a “am I cis or not?” way because gender is such a large part of survival that if they don’t have any such doubts about gender it will never cross their mind, because they are inherently safe as a cis person.

Women, however, do experience this to some degree. Except instead of thinking “am I a woman? Am I a man? If I become a man will that be better for me than being a woman?” They think “will being a man be better for other people? Will I be more accepted within society if I am male?”

A woman’s desire to be taken more seriously as a man as nothing to do with her wanting to be a man, it is about outward acceptance. Power. Influence. Strength. But gender, gender identity, expression, acceptance, that is entirely surrounded around the idea of making yourself happy for you and that’s why it is such an abhorrent concept to people. Because the society we live in is an extremely selfish one, one that demands and takes and steals from its people constantly, and when you decided to do something for yourself, only for yourself, something that lets you stand tall, be proud, say “no, I will not let you take from me, I am doing this not to give to your desires but to satisfy mine,” society hates that. You experience backlash and violence and you move down, down, down the social ladder because even if we don’t live in a collective society, society still takes collectively from all of us and doing something for yourself, especially regarding as sacred to society as gender, is “threatening” to the status of that society because it can no longer control you.

Is that complicated? Yes. Is that so much to think about and debate over just to be happy? Yes, god yes it’s far too much and a lot of o people actually because scared because of that. The loss you take by being transgender in society can be so frightening that people are willing to sacrifice their happiness in order to be safe. They cut off the euphoria of exploration and lock it up tight away because they’re told it’s wrong, it’s dangerous, no good will come of going down that road. But the society that takes from them is the one telling them that. So when someone stands up against it, they get put at even more risk, because they’re “erratic” and “rebellious” and “a threat to society as we know it,” because they are shaking the very laws of their society by being themselves and rejecting the status quo.

Now, there are many things that can influence and change this experience between person to person. Japan is a collective society, how Japan views gender, how Japan specifically views being a woman, being a man, and being trans, what it means to be any of those things in the first place. But even all these things considered, would Naoto still really risk this much just for a job? Would Naoto go through a sex change just to get a promotion? That is a lot of sacrifice for a career, beyond your time or happiness like everyone sacrifices to some extent to work but to genuine loss, like your identity and comfort.

And never once in his main arc does he himself ever desire to be a woman. His shadow certainly never claims such. After one of the other characters prompts him, “you never really wanted to be a girl, right?” He echoes the same words, and to me personally they just don’t sound sincere. Naoto just bared himself entirely to this group of people, his most personal desires and feelings, and they didn’t accept him. Humans are very sensitive creatures and we are also creatures of habit. Do you think it would really be possible for anyone who just experienced their Awakening to immediately accept those feelings they spent so long denying? Hiding? Being ashamed of? Of course when having something so personal revealed Naoto would go “you’re right, i never wanted to be a boy.” Can you imagine a group of strangers going into your heart and seeing your more personal thoughts and feelings? Ones you’ve never shared with anyone before, and they don’t accept them? Would you in turn be able to genuinely accept those feelings in front of people you hardly know, ones you definitely don’t know personally, especially for someone like Naoto who has very high walls up? To me, the way I take Awakenings isn’t that in that one meeting the Shadow fully accepts those feelings immediately because that isn’t how humans or feelings work. I see it more as them merely accepting that those feelings exist and being willing to take the first step of dealing with them, confronting them. Naoto will acknowledge the things he’s refuses to see and move forward with that intimate knowledge of himself.

This is what viewing that scene from a trans lens is like. It’s raw and emotional and uncomfortable and extremely personal and very different from Naoto being a girl who just wants to be taken seriously. Because why is there no exploitation of “her” age then? “She” was also upset over being treated like a kid and yet for some reason gender is the most important aspect of that. That isn’t the only factor in Naoto’s treatment from others and yet it’s one Naoto obsesses over. “Why couldn’t I be born a man?” “I want to be a big boy.” “Bodily altercation process!” “I can change from a kid to an adult but I will never be able to change from a woman to a man.”

Why would a cis woman who is happy to be a girl be so concerned with being a man even after “accepting she’s a girl?” It just doesn’t make sense. And that’s why if that was Atlus’ intention they did a horrible job because wanting to be taken seriously as a woman is not the same as wanting to be a man and that is actually a horrible misconception and transphobic stereotype about trans men, and it’s even misogynistic. “They’re doing it for attention.” “They’re just women who want to be taken seriously!” And Atlus perpetuating that shows just how little the writers understand about what being a woman or a trans person/man in society is like, that’s an entirely different kind of incompetence! How could you mix those two things up when they’re nothing alike? At the bottom line the writers were severely out of touch and did a lot of damage because of that.

You can take Naoto’s gender however you want, no one can stop you, but it’s undeniable that gender and how Naoto’s gender is expressed and handled is a very complicated thing. There are so many layers and intricacies and it’s upsetting that frankly Atlus just didn’t have the means for do a trans storyline or a sexism storyline justice, especially when they could’ve done both or avoided it entirely. If they had done a good job there wouldn’t be debate about which one it was but they fumbled this really hard and it personally affected, and even harmed, a lot of people. When writing something as grand and personal as gender you have to have intentionality in what you’re doing and honestly it doesn’t feel like Altus did. As a trans man or a sensitive woman Atlus did horribly with handling Naoto’s character and it’s such a shame because there was so much potential.

[willsimpforanyone]

hi can you do nico and a trans afab non binary reader? you can sorta do whatever you want with it but i just rly like your writing :)

tysm!! this is a v fun request and my first nico request! i'm gonna do general dating headcanons for the boi

------------------------------------

nico is your number one protection squad

not like a cheerleader

as in he will nonchalantly set a skeleton on the person daring to fuck with his partner

he would get mrs o'leary to attack them but she's too soft and he refuses to risk her being killed

when ignorant people question him saying "but you're gay??"

he just shrugs and says "yeah, what about it?"

you're nonbinary, any relationship is gay

buys oversized shirts deliberately so you can borrow them bc a) it helps with dysphoria and b) he secretly thinks you look really really cute in his clothes

eventually you'll just end up borrowing clothes from each other

which results in nico occasionally casually wearing a skirt and glaring daggers at anyone that looks at him weird

gets a variety of pride flags to hang outside the hades cabin

the two of you become the unofficial lgbtq+ leaders and younger gay and trans campers will come to you for support

basically you adopt a small army

nico isn't thrilled at first but learns he's a lot better at one-on-one help rather than groups

i don't think nico is big on physical contact but he will hold your hand or link pinkies and likes nudging your leg with his when you're sitting down

he pretends he isn't but he absolutely is

was originally kinda worried he'd freak you out with the general death vibes surrounding him but when he summoned a skeleton to climb on to reach something on a high shelf it became significantly less scary

is surprisingly patient when teaching you how to play mythomagic

when percy and jason complain that he wasn't that patient with them he just gives them the middle finger

"well i don't love you two"

cue offended noises from jercy

thoroughly enjoys walking up to you, pecking your cheek and just walking away

pretends to hate it when you do it to him (he loves it)

if you're taller than him he may demand piggybacks if he's too tired

if you're shorter than him he will pick you up to move you places

can be pretty childish but it's completely fair because he had so much of his childhood stolen from him

hates how much he's come to rely on you for help when he has nightmares or he can't sleep

finds that your weight on him is reassuring and grounding

hides in your neck so he doesn't have to show his face

you're also a demigod so inevitably you'll have been traumatised one way or another

and on those days when you both feel like shit

that means it's disney movie and blanket fort day

you hide away in the hades cabin and refuse to come out unless heavily bribed with sugar

he just really loves you even if he sometimes doesn't know how to show it

but he does his best

----------------------------------------

i love nico he is my son

thank you so much for requesting!

[morioh-killer]

hey, trans guy here. got my “bleeding” a while ago and my dysphoria seems to get significantly worse when it comes around. today it hit me all at once at the gym of all places, got scary overwhelmed, and now i feel like extra shit. i really just wanna cry it out but i physically cant so now i’m just frustrated and mad. if it’s not too much to ask, could you write pre-op/T trans!fugo struggling with feeling masculine during that time of month and the gang (or specifically mista and narancia) are there to comfort him and make him feel better? thank you in advance :) <3

of course my love <3 I hope you feel better soon. I have never written trans characters so please be gentle! <3

Fugo had spent most of the day locked in his room, hiding from the world but mostly from himself. Something never felt right, especially on days where his body ached. The cramps were particularly terrible that day but the mental anguish trumped the physical pain. Real men, he thought, real men don't feel this way. If he dared mumble that to himself, his friends were certainly give a verbal lashing.

"Hey, you in there, Fugo?" Mista knocked on the door. "Go away." Fugo snapped. He didn't have the energy to talk now. "No, no, I'm coming in." Mista wouldn't take no for an answer when it came to those he loved. He saw Fugo laying on his side, arms wrapped around his stomach. "Hey now."

Mista sensed Fugo's pain as he seemed to do this every month at around the same time without fail. "I can't even begin to know what you're dealing with right now," Mista walked closer to Fugo, a gentle hand touching his side. The Pistols emerged alongside him, gently pulling at the fabric of his pants and shirt. "But you're one of the most badass guys I know, even if you don't feel like it right now."

Fugo sighed, opening his eyes again. Why couldn't he feel right, why couldn't things just go his way one time? "I don't think I'll ever feel-"

Mista cut him off. "Shut up, don't give me that shit. You're more man than anybody I fucking know. I'm not gonna let you degrade yourself, you deserve better than that and I'll make damned sure you get it. Just because some men have different functions doesn't make them any less of a man, you got that?" Mista firmly squeezed Fugo's arm as he spoke. Nothing made him more infuriated to see someone he loved so sad. "It makes me sad to see you so down in the dumps, I wish i could take away those thoughts but man, I'll drown them out with my own words: we all love you, we all know what you are, what you will always be."

[andytheauthor]

Writing this because I feel like a lot of the stories about iih (idiopathic intercranial hypertension), also called pseudotumor cerebri, are about the worst case scenarios, which fair, it's a scary thing to have. But! I wanted to provide my experience, which I think is significantly less terrifying than some can be. So, if you're thinking you might have this condition, you can prepare for the worst, but know that it isn't always going to be as bad as it can be.

I have a history of migraines. I take medication that reduces their frequency, and intensity, but sometimes they pop up anyway.

In April of last year, I started feeling low key dizzy all the time, and lightheaded. At first I assumed it was related to my migraines, or allergies, since sometimes they can cause me some inner ear problems. After a course of antibiotics, then steroids, then visiting the ent, then the neurologist for a med increase, then the er because my confusion got bad, I went to the eye doctor. I'd been having vision problems that I'd assumed were unrelated, and figured I might as well get that looked at while figuring out my next steps.

My eye nerves were inflamed, he told me. And this was probably the cause of those gray outs and floaters and visual snow. He recommended me to a vision specialist, and I got more imaging and tests done on my eyes. The specialist confirmed the inflammation, and told me it was likely pseudotumor, and gave me information about it. He then told me I'd need a spinal tap, and scheduled it for four days later.

The spinal tap made me anxious, and I was terrified of it. I mean, a needle gets put into my spinal cord. Shit is scary. So, I'm in a hospital gown, in an imaging room, having to stay absolutely still as they use an xray to find the best spot.

It. Uh. Went great. It didn't really hurt much at all, aside from the burning of the local anesthetic and some slight pressure. Heck, my migraines usually hurt worse than the spinal tap did.

After tapping my spinal fluid like maple syrup, I felt better for a few weeks, as there was a lot less pressure. The fluid itself tested normal, no infection or cancer.

So, back to the eye specialist I go, and he puts me on Diamox, a diuretic. It's working well, and I feel so much better now. Hopefully after a while I can come off the medication, since iih usually resolves after treatment, and won't be a forever illness. Just gotta drink as much water and sports drink as I can physically drink without popping like a tick.

Also! While more common in women, it does occasionally happen in men. I'm a trans man who's been on testosterone for a couple years, so my hormone levels are more akin to an amab than afab. There have apparently only been six other trans men with this condition (in the u.s. I think) that have been recorded. Fun stuff!