#there's so much more to dad connie and how much he loves his daughter despite her treating him (unintentionally) as a punching bag until

[tcustodisart]

Redesigned Connectidad's torn ear to look more visible. It was his daughter that bit it off during the first time she turned into a werewolf.

[bluestar22x]

The Weekend

Summary: Steve and Connie visit you and Javier in Texas; Connie realizes something new about you that changes everything.

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader (The same from my Sweet Summer Series - there is a mention of the reader having hair again, but no other details)

Rating: 18+ (to be safe)

Word Count: 3,790 (ish)

Warnings: Anxiety/angst, fluff, fowl language, pov changes, and mentions of pregnancy symptoms

Author’s Note: This can easily be read as a regular oneshot if you haven't read the series yet/don't want to. Anyway, I was so excited to write this one cause I've wanted to write Steve, Connie, and Chucho since all of last year, I just never thought of a plot for it until now. (Chucho still didn't get enough love here, but someday, maybe, it'll happen). Anyway, apparently I won't stop until pretty much every Pedro character is either a first time dad or a dad again. Sorry, not sorry.

xxx

The first time you met Steve and Connie Murphy was on a weekend in mid-November, the same year you'd started dating Javier Peña. They'd driven from Florida with their daughter Olivia to stay at the ranch for a few days, Steve's excuse being that duck hunting season had started in Texas and he needed to show Javier how to actually shoot one, claiming his ex-partner was a shit shot and that it might take all weekend, leading to Javier to grumble under his breath and you to laugh.

They'd hugged despite initial hesitance from Javier and when he relaxed in Steve's embrace you understood then who they were to each other. Brothers, in every sense of the word but blood.

It only made sense from everything you'd gathered from Javier's father, the town, and later Connie and Steve himself. Colombia had been like a war zone, and war zones forged strong bonds, even unlikely ones. Not that Steve and Javier were all that different, you thought. After all, they'd shared the same goals while working together as DEA agents, they'd shared a similar capacity to do what needed to be done to reach those goals, and they'd both come back home with enough nightmares and regrets to last more than a lifetime. Connie had told you about nights where Steve startled from his sleep and didn't return to bed until morning and you'd shared with her that you'd caught Javier doing the same many times while you'd been dating, wandering outside in the middle of the night clearly in an attempt to empty his head of whatever was bothering him. Some nights he still smoked a cigarette or two before returning, the bad habit sometimes the only thing that helped calm him down at first, until he'd made some real progress with his therapist.

It was safe to say your first time meeting Connie and Steve had been eye-opening. It had helped you understand your boyfriend all the more, and you were grateful to them. Not just for the insight, but also for them having been there for Javier before you could be, and for them still wanting to be.

The second time they'd visited the ranch you and Javier were getting married and naturally Steve had been Javier's best man. Connie had also kindly accepted your offer to be maid of honor, since you hadn't had any real friends after you'd graduated college. Besides, after the first day you'd spent around her, you could've easily called her your best friend over all of your past friends. Connie was a very nice person.

You all had briefly seen each other once more when you and Javier had stopped by their house for a meal before heading out to the Keys for your honeymoon and that visit had been just as pleasant, ending with goodbyes and promises for future visits. You planned to make sure the Murphy family would always be a part of your lives.

And so they were back on the ranch the following November, Steve reaching out for Javier even as he roasted him once again. "Have to keep coming back until Javi is finally able to hit a bird. Any bird at this rate will do."

"Shut up, Murphy," Javier growled, though he couldn't hide the smile pulling at the edges of his lips. That made you grin, and it only grew broader when they hugged once more. You loved that your husband had a friend who understood him; who knew him from his darkest days.

"Let's get you all inside," you eventually said, herding them all towards the house, little Olivia tugging on your shirt sleeve as you followed them, looking up at you all adorably with her big brown eyes and wavy dark hair. "Food soon?"

You beamed down at her. "Soon. I'll have it ready in a half hour sweetie." You ruffled her hair a bit and she smiled up at you pleasantly before running ahead of everyone to fall to her knees before Trix, your red and white Basenji. Trix started licking her face like crazy and the little girl's giggles in reaction made your heart soar.

Once in the ranch house, Steve and Connie dragged their suitcases upstairs, into Chucho's old room. Chucho had moved out into a smaller, remodeled house on the south side of the property after you and Javier had married in June, on the day that marked the first year anniversary of your first meeting and date. It had once been a house for employees to stay during peak ranching days, but he'd claimed it was the right size for an old man of his age. You knew the real reason was because he wanted you and Javier to have your own space, because, though he hadn't said the words, you were pretty certain like most parents, he was hoping to become a grandfather.

While Steve And Connie were upstairs with Olivia settling in, you and Javier worked in the kitchen to finish chomping up fresh vegetables for the tossed salad you'd wanted alongside the main course of grilled chicken tacos which you were careful to monitor as the meat cooked.

They had just turned up at the kitchen table with Olivia when Chucho walked in, dressed in the cleanest white button down shirt and pair of blue jeans you'd seen him in since your wedding day. Everyone was in their best casual clothes. It wasn't every day they all got to gather together, after all. And it was almost Thanksgiving.

"Afternoon everyone," Chucho said cheerfully, snatching his cream colored cowboy hat off his head to hang on a hook by the main door. "Ya waiting on me?"

"You are just in time," you told him, smiling. You loved Chucho. He was as much of a father to you as your own, though you'd never admit it for your father's sake.

He settled at the table with Steve and Olivia while you, Javier, and Connie started to set the food out on it. You were feeling great physically and emotionally until you seemed to spin around too fast with the salad and barely managed to hold onto it, getting dizzy with the movement. Javier noticed your sway and pressed a palm to the middle of your back to steady you, concern evident in his expression. "Are you alright?" he inquired, frowning.

You nodded quickly. "I'm good." You weren't sure what had come over you, not being the type of person to easily get light headed, but you were feeling fine again as soon as the moment had passed so it was easy to brush off.

"Maybe you should see a doctor," Javier said lowly, only loud enough for you and a close by Connie to hear. Her eyes darted towards you both, and you could see the curiosity his words had peaked in her.

"You've been getting dizzy a lot lately," he continued.

"I'll set one up after the weekend," you promised him, more so he wouldn't draw the attention of any of your other guests. Whether you actually would or not was still up for debate. To you a little dizziness here and there wasn't enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. It was probably just a consequence of you being tired. You'd done some overtime at work recently and it had worn you down. You'd been going to bed early the previous four or five nights yet still hadn't made up for it. "But I feel fine, Javi. I swear."

He seemed satisfied with that for the time being, though he did insist on guiding you to the table to sit and had Connie finish helping him lay everything out.

The rest of dinner was pretty normal, filled with general chit chat about things like how Chucho and Javier were getting the cattle ready for winter, though it never got too cold in Texas, and how Olivia was adjusting to being in kindergarten.

Connie of all people seemed distracted the entire time, pondering, like she had something on her mind but wasn't sure how to say it. You were so concerned with her distant look that you almost didn't catch Javier sneaking a piece of chicken to Trix. Almost.

"Javi!" you exclaimed, dismayed, even though you'd suspected for a while that he'd been doing it. "No wonder she begs for food now!"

He gave you a sheepish look and Steve grinned from his seat on the other side of him. "Going soft in your old age, Jav."

Javier huffed and you giggled. You knew it wasn't because of his age though. He and his father had both always had a soft spot for dogs.

After that you forgot about how odd Connie was acting until you both cleared the dishes from the table and began washing them in the sink.

"I don't want to be nosy," she whispered to you just loud enough to hear over the background noise of everyone else still talking at the table, "But I can't help it. Do you think you could be pregnant?"

Her question caught you off guard and you starred at her, frozen in place with a soapy dripping plate still in your hands. "You think I could be?"

"Javi said you've been light headed a lot lately," Connie stated, "And you told me just the other day you've been tired. And you also mentioned eating something that hadn't agreed with you. You said you almost threw up."

The cheeseburger you'd had Wednesday night. You hadn't thought about it since.

You glanced around to make sure no one had gotten up from the table. "Are you suggesting it wasn't bad meat?"

"Might not have been," she replied. "I've been around enough pregnant mothers in my nursing career to know greasy foods can trigger morning sickness in them, especially at night."

"Ironic," you quipped. Calling that pregnancy symptom morning sickness was very misleading.

Connie gave you a stern look and waited.

"I shouldn't be," you told her eventually, leaning back against the counter. "I mean, we're not using as much protection as we used to, but I'm still on birth control."

"Any chance you missed a pill or two?" she inquired.

You pursed your lips as you thought about it and bit down on your bottom one after. "It's possible," you admitted. "I do get forgetful sometimes. Usually I'm pretty good about taking prescriptions, but..."

"Are you late?" she interrupted.

You didn't have to think about the answer for that one since your birth control pills always warned you when it was coming. "I might be a few days late. It's not outside the norm for me, but it's also not really inside it either since the pills are really good at keeping me on a strict schedule."

She nodded. "You have any tests here?"

"I have a few in the master bathroom," you told her.

She craned her head towards the table. "Mind finishing the clean up boys?" she called out. Javier and Steve gave you both puzzled looks but when she explained you wanted to show her something upstairs they agreed to do so with Olivia's help.

You watched briefly from the bottom of the stairs as Steve hoisted her up to sit on the countertop and Javier said something to her that wasn't quite loud enough for you to hear before booping her nose with a soap sudded finger, making her giggle, and your heart swelled.

He was so good with her.

Minutes later, Connie sat patiently on the bench in front of your bed while you took three pregnancy tests in the attached bathroom, to be extra sure, and took your hand in hers when you joined her to wait, nervously bouncing your leg up and down.

"Have you and Javi talked about having kids before?" she asked gently.

"Of course we have," you answered with a sigh. "But we also agreed to wait a year before I got off the pill."

You weren't sure if you were quite prepared for it yet, but you knew you could ultimately handle whatever the results were, adapt your plans. What made you nervous was Javier. He was only just starting to find his peace, his healing, as much as anyone who'd been through what he had could. You weren't sure he'd be ready yet.

"I'm sure he'll be okay," Connie said knowingly, giving your hand a squeeze. "He's a good man and he loves you. I've never seen that man look at anyone like he does you."

The timer you'd set on your watch started beeping obnoxiously and you bolted for the sink where you'd placed the tests, anxiously scanning their result windows. There were two lines in each, which meant that they were all positive.

Without a doubt, you were pregnant.

Despite your concerns over how Javier would handle the news in that moment you were joyful, tears immediately flooding your eyes. Before meeting Javier you had lost all hope you'd ever get the chance to be a mother, but there you were, staring at three sticks that confirmed you would be one. You beamed at Connie when you walked back into the bedroom and she smiled back at you. "Congratulations."

You pitched into her arms and she squeezed you a little. "You're going to be a great mom. And if you need any advice, I'm one call away. Not that you can't call your mom too."

You chuckled as you also held onto her a little tighter. "I'm sure I'll need all the advice I can get."

You were fully aware that while you had wanted to be a mom for as long as you could remember, you hadn't had lots of interactions with babies. Olivia had hardly been a toddler anymore when you'd first met the Murphy family and you'd been an only child with an uncle and aunt who hadn’t had any kids.

"You'll do great," Connie assured you as you pulled away and wiped at your tear stained cheeks with the backs of your hands.

You nodded. It was comforting to know she believed in you and that she'd be there if you needed her help. She may have not known what it was like to be pregnant because she and Steve had adopted Olivia while in Colombia, but you knew her advice would always be solid because she was an amazing mother. Everything you hoped you would be.

You glanced towards the hallway. "Should I tell him now?"

"Delaying it won't make it easier," she told you wisely, grasping your elbow. "Do you want me to send him up here?"

"That would be great, thanks," you said gratefully.

She smiled sweetly at you. "No problem."

With that she left the room and you paced as you waited for Javier to show up. You couldn't remember a time you'd ever been more nervous - and you'd had major anxiety every time you'd taken exams in college.

"Connie said you wanted to see me?" he questioned as he strolled into your shared bedroom less than a minute later. When he saw the stress on your face his expression grew concerned once more. "What happened? Are you feeling okay? Did you get light headed again?"

You shook your head furiously. "No. No, Javi." You approached him and cupped his face. "I'm fine. I promise. I just know why I've been off now."

"What is it?" he inquired, stance still tense with worry. He searched your eyes with his dark ones as if they could answer for you.

"We're going to be parents," you told him, barely above a whisper.

He jerked his head away from your hand and blinked at you, stunned. "You're pregnant?"

You gave him a single nod to confirm and he gaped at you before wrapping you up in his arms and burying his face in your hair. "Oh, mi amor."

You melted in his hold after his initial reaction and hugged him back. "You're not upset?"

He pulled away from you and frowned. "You thought I'd be upset?"

You folded your arms over your chest, slightly ashamed of your assumption. "I wasn't sure. You said you wanted to wait a year, and I agreed to it. I had every intention of waiting, but I think I might have forgotten a pill at some point. It was a mistake."

He shook his head and leaned forward to kiss your temple tenderly, then your lips, letting his forehead rest against yours after. "However this happened, any child of ours could never be a mistake, hermosa."

You felt the love in his words bloom in your chest, warming it, and you beamed up at him. "So you're happy?"

"Of course I am," he assured you, brushing his nose against yours.

You grinned wider and kissed him again. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that."

He smiled back at you, though it didn't reach his eyes.

You were too excited to retell the story of how Connie got you to take the three tests to see that it was a front.

x

Once you'd told him the whole story, you'd lead Javi downstairs to announce your news to Steve and Chucho as well, and they'd pulled you both in for hugs after giving their cheerful congratulations.

"I'm going to be a grandfather," Chucho had boasted proudly and you'd smiled at him fondly. "You sure are."

Javier had been overwhelmed with how happy everyone was for you both, and a part of him was undeniably happy too, but another part, the part that sat in the darkest corner of his mind, said he didn't deserve it. He'd barely accepted that he was good enough for you, he didn't think that could extend to an innocent baby who had no say in who their father was.

He put on a show until his father left for his house, then excused himself to go hang out on the front porch alone, watching as clouds rolled in for an evening rain. It was fitting for his mood.

He should have known Steve would follow him out, handing a beer to him like it was some kind of peace offering.

He popped off the lid of his own bottle and took a sip before leaning on a beam at the front of the porch, across from him.

"Javier Peña, father," he said with a smile playing on his lips. "I'm honestly surprised." He quirked his brows. "Not that you are going to be one, but rather that it took so long, considering your reputation back in Bogotá."

Javier tilted his head, giving it to him. He couldn't say he wasn't surprised that a woman hadn't come forward to tell him she was pregnant while he was in Colombia. It wasn't like he'd been totally irresponsible, but the odds had to have been stacked against it not happening just by pure numbers. He'd had casual sex as a form of stress relief while he was there, just like smoking, and he couldn't deny he'd been very stressed during those years, especially since he hadn't always been able to keep his heart out of some of those said casual relations.

"I don't know if I'm ready yet," he admitted to his friend. "We just got married not that long ago. It took me months of therapy to work up to proposing to her and then going through with it. She kept insisting I was enough for her, that as long as I loved her that was enough, but I always still had that doubt at the back of my head. A part of me telling me she could do better."

"She could," Steve stated plainly, taking another sip of his drink. "And what about Connie? You think I deserved her?"

Javier snorted. "No."

"Exactly!" Steve exclaimed, pointing the lip of his bottle at his shoulder and grinning. "But that's not the point! Something Connie and several sessions of couples therapy when I got back to Miami taught me is that marriage isn't about what anyone deserves. It's about what you're willing to do for your partner. Who you're willing to be for them. And it's the same with being a father. I was a mess when we found Olivia. I didn't know what I was doing. And I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy, but I did eventually learn how to be the dad she deserves. If you want to be, chances are you will be. It's as simple as that."

Javier glanced down at the bottle in his hands and swished the liquid inside, trying to find his words. "I do...want to be," he told him quietly.

Steve nodded. "That's good to hear. Because the one thing your wife definitely does not deserve is you running out on her now."

Javier clenched his jaw. "I'd never do that to her!" he hissed, outraged at the mere idea of it. "Lorraine was different. I was different. Back then I had the thought that marrying her would hold me back from my dreams of seeing the world and making a difference. Now I know better." He adjusted his stance and met his friend's eyes before continuing, "And I know being a parent can be tough, whether or not you're as fucked up as I am, but I do want this, more than I ever imagined I would."

"Shit, Jav," Steve said, the edges of his mouth pulling up, "Don't tell me that. Tell her."

He was right. Though Javier was sure you hadn't noticed, he still needed to tell you all of it. To assure you that he loved you and that he was going to be there for you, the both of you.

He chuckled and Steve raised a brow at him, uncertain of what was so funny.

"You ever consider a side job as a shrink?" Javier smirked and Steve huffed at him. "Depends, you ever gonna hit a bird?"

"Fuck you. You distracted me last time!"

Steve nodded at him as an amused gleam sparked in his pale blue eyes. "Sure. Whatever you say, Jav."

He patted his shoulder. "See ya in the mornin'."

Javier grunted a goodnight to him and entered the house to find you waiting in the kitchen, a broad smile on your face. He realized then that the screen door's window had been open.

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked.

You strolled over to him and kissed him softly on the mouth. "Enough to know you're going to be a great father, whether you believe it or not."

"Say that again," he murmured against your lips, his heart feeling like it wanted to burst out of his chest.

You understood, you always did. You placed a hand over his heart. "You're going to be a father, Javi."

He grinned at you and scooped you up into his arms. "Thank you for that."

"I couldn't imagine having a baby with anyone else," you told him honestly, and the love in your eyes left no room for him to doubt it, so he didn't.

You spent the rest of the night in each other's arms.

xxx

Tagged: @angelofsmalldeath-codeine​ @yoursoulsunbreakable @harriedandharassed

xxx

Sweet Summer Series

New Year's Promise

Main Masterlist

xxx

[robloxversefanchildren]

Hello. Welcome to RobloxVerse/OmegaVerse Blog, here you can see the fanchildren with the parents

Here are the facts of my fankiddos

1. Amy, Aniela, Mayday, Lisa, Emelie, Johan

Amy is the oldest one in the family, and was born 2 months later after her honorary aunt got pregnant with Miracle

Aniela and Mayday likes to teamup together whenever a disaster happens.

Lisa, Emelie and Johan are energetic and hardworking triplets that were resulted in a multiple pregnancy.

Amy, Aniela, Mayday and Emelie are all bisexual (it means loving both boys and girls)

Johan is gay (means loving a male)

Lisa is a straight-ally/hetero

Their Parents are Lovey Harlow and Rivomp Ware

2. Miracle, Cassidy and Terrance

Miracle is a caring and loving daughter, but she may be angry if you hurt her siblings or her close friend

Cassidy is a frog-lover, she loves frogs and likes to drink juices (credits to galaxxmiko for her)

Terrance surprisingly had fear of dark, but as a teen, he overcame it

Like Miracle, but she had fear of sharp things

Their parents are Liokiu and Annafunshine (my OTP/ONE TRUE PAIRING!!)

3. Cyrus

Cyrus wishes to be like his parents one day

He is surprisingly the cousin of Lovey's children

He has heterochromia, he has black and white eyes.

He sincerely loves his parents so much.

He likes drinking cacao and Tea

His parents are Ashley and Brayden

4. Esmeralda and Josiah

Esmeralda is surprisingly 3 years older than Josiah.

Josiah is shy, but if you know him more, he'll be fun to talk to

Josiah loves his big sister so much like how Esmeralda loves her little brother

Esmeralda is sometimes overprotective, as she is the oldest.

Their moms are Toozaku (Birth Mom) and Jen

5. Collin

Collin is a little shy boy, but is always happy to be with his parents.

He is surprisingly good at cleaning

He is the third oldest of the gang

He likes salad the most, as Esmeralda makes it (they are bffs)

Whenever there's an argument going on. He cries.

His parents are Aspire and Galaxx

Lil did he know, his parents are both trans, so Aspire delivered Collin

6. Tyler, Taylor and Lexi

Tyler surprisingly acts like his mom, Echo, from the past, while Lexi acts like her mom, Echo, in the present. Taylor acts like her mom, Connie

Tyler and Taylor used to have their eyes changed with eye contacts because they were "ugly", but it wasn't true

Lexi is the same age and height as Cassidy. They both are troublemakers 😇

Their moms are Connie (birth mom) and Echo

7. Katarina and Alan

Katarina is a great galaxy girl, she loves solar system just like her dad, David.

Alan is sometimes bossy, despite him being younger than Kat

Kat is a smart girl for someone's age, she always roleplay solar system stuff for her own

Their dads are Null (OmegaMale) and David (either AlphaMale or BetaMale)

Now for Kenneth, the twins named Matilda and Milo (not mistaken for Milo from the search for pizza rolls)

Kenneth is a shy boy, he is sometimes a great boy

He is adopted by Zaz

His parents died, because they got killed by agents, but Zaz saved him from them

He loves Zaz as his father

Matilda and Milo are great twins.

They also see The end V100 as their little brother.

Matilda is the oldest twin

Matilda and The end V100 didn't know about their dad leaving, and they thought he really went to get milk, but Milo knows about their dad leaving, he knows that their dad divorced their mom

Their divorced parents are Just Only and Power Legend, they live with Just Only.

The gang members from oldest to youngest:

Matilda

Esmeralda

Collin

Amy

Miracle

Tyler

Katarina

Kenneth

Cyrus

Anyway, you can ask them, all of them, but not NSFW questions.

[skrunklybf-archived]

bad influence!

pairing: step-brother!connie x reader x jean

warnings: dark content! step-cest! smut! mdni!!! maybe ooc?

tags: mfm threesome, dubcon(?), smoking weed, they're all high it's whatever, step-cest, unprotected sex, creampie, doggystyle, blowjob, swallowing, praise, pet names, almost getting caught, not proofread

notes: hi i'm not dead 🤪 take this connie/jean smut as a peace offering mayhaps?? reblogs are appreciated as always xoxo love you stay safe

"I know you have shit in here, so you better share or I'm snitching."

You raise your gaze from the game on your phone to the young men inviting themselves into your room. Jean leans back against the door and closes it with a soft click, much softer than the threat Connie entered with. You cock a brow, unamused.

"What?"

"You know what."

Connie, despite the faux menacing look he gives you, emits the familiar air of playfulness he's known for. He crosses the space between your door and your bed in record speed, diving for the little table next to your head. Dexterous hands scavenge through the drawers and ignore the annoyed protests you shoot at him.

"Dude, fuck off!"

"You fuck off," Connie dodges your swatting hands and plucks a tie-dye colored jar from the bottom drawer, "holding out on your poor, misfortunate brother. You should be ashamed of yourself." It'd be a surprise if you couldn't see the your own brain with how hard your eyes rolled themselves back.

Your step-mom had been adamant about Connie staying clean after a rather hilarious call she received from him at three in the morning, begging her to come pick him up from the side of the road. He'd gotten away with just a warning from a "generous" officer that night, meanwhile you had gotten plenty to make fun of him for and his mom gained a bargaining chip she'd been putting to good use. The house had never been more bleach-and-lemon scented.

"Oh, boo hoo," you fake cry, jutting your bottom lip out in a pouty fashion, "maybe don't get pulled over with your dumbass friends next time, Con."

"Hey," Jean pipes up from his stationary position at the door, seemingly offended but grinning all the while. Connie tosses the jar from hand to hand casually, trying to ignore the big doe eyes you shoot him in your little mockery scene. "Not my fault Sasha drives like a menace," he replies, twisting open the lid and taking a deep sniff of the flowery contents. Lost in an overdramatized state of bliss, he fails to notice you sitting up and snatching your weed jar right out of his hand. Connie whines at the loss. "C'mon, just smoke us up one time." he begs much like a puppy, even going so far as to clasp his hands together in a cartoony fashion.

Your lip twitches.

"Just me and Jean," he continues, "Sasha's on house arrest until further notice. Her dad was pretty pissed, won't let her leave."

A conniving and dark chuckle surprises your step-brother and his oddly quiet friend, coming straight from your chest. The little jar suddenly feels so heavy in your hand, weighed down like a giant golden poker chip. "So, you come to me in your time of need," you slur out dramatically, "on the day of my daughter's wedding--"

"Alright alright, cut the shit, you're weirding me out. What do you want? I already have to clean the damn house for two months."

Connie almost looks nervous before you, switching his weight between his feet. This is a strange sight for you; he's usually boisterous, carefree, charismatic. You pull your feet up to sit criss-cross on the bed. A thoughtful look passes over your face. "You gotta walk Scout--"

"Done."

"Okay, fiend, I wasn't done."

"Whatever you want, I don't caaaaare. Just smoke with us."

Jean was easy to forget about in the moment, sitting as a hopeful but cautious observer a ways away. You blink at him, off-color thoughts dripping into your sleepy brain like a shoddy faucet.

"Fine. Garage."

Okay, so maybe your mind wasn't pure and fluffy and wholesome, and maybe some would label you a dog for these fleeting thoughts that came to you in the strangest moments. Maybe you shouldn't be feeling that heavy, burning sensation in the pit of your belly when your step-brother takes an unnecessarily strong drag off the blunt, bathing his face in an orangey glow from the cherry. Connie always had a fresh face, a contagious grin that got to you in ways that it most likely shouldn't have, given your relationship.

Well, technically, your parents relationship -- one that began right as Connie was starting his freshman year of college -- but still.

He passes the blunt up to Jean in the passenger's seat, who had easily won the race you declared on the way to your car. "First hand on the hood gets the front seat," you announced, and the young men scrambled over each other like excited puppies to slap your poor Honda in victory.

Jean takes a normal, sane hit, pinching his bronze eyes closed to avoid the flying smoke. It almost feels mesmerizing watching these two through the haze. Invisible green hands relax your face into a look of contentment, massaging away any irritation Connie had sparked by interrupting your game. Behind you, your step-brother coughs into his fist dramatically, heaving out a big sigh once his lungs quit their spasming.

"You seriously saved the day," he says, letting his cheek rest against the side of your headrest. If you turned enough, your noses would touch. Amused, you take the blunt from Jean, quietly admiring how his long fingers hold the wrap so delicately.

"I'd say we owe you, but you're kinda evil, so I'll just say thank you," the brunette beside you adds. His voice has dipped low and gravely since you all started hotboxing, reaching a baritone that leaves your heart hammering.

"Evil? Wow," you reply flatly, "I feel the gratitude in waves."

Connie smacks Jean lightly on the cheek while you take your puff. "What he means is, your genius is only surpassed by the world's most prolific professors," he says in a much-too-serious tone, "like, y'know, Hannibal Lecter, or like, Dr. Evil."

Pulling up a leg to rest in your seat, you snort in laughter, thick white smoke billowing out from your nose.

"Thanks, Con."

"No problem, babe."

Jean guffaws before you can. "Did you just call her babe?"

Connie, golden eyes wide, throws himself back into the backseat. He waves his hand flippantly, as if he could bat away the subject. "What? No, shut up."

You and Jean whip yourselves around at the same time, shoulders pressed against one another. "You totally did." You tease, smirk wide on your face.

Connie melts into the dark fabric. A heavy warmth surges over his face. "I just, y'know, I'm usually a gentleman and I smoke girls up," he runs a hand through his short hair, "slip of the tongue."

Jean snorts, letting his gaze slide over to you in his peripheral. "And then you compare her to the girls you fuck. Interesting."

Your shared laughter embarrasses Connie more than it irks him, sending his hands flying up to scrub over his face. In a show of mercy, you pass the blunt back to the poor boy, fending for his life all alone in the back of the car. Connie pinches the wrap and suddenly smirks toward his friend, charged and ready. "Jean, I could end your entire career right now."

Curious, you lean back some and look at Jean next. He pauses, switching a suspicious gaze between you both.

"I dunno what you're talking about."

"Oh, bullshit! How many times have I caught you staring at her ass?"

Shock formed your mouth into a tiny 'o' first but unbridled amusement twists it into a devilish grin. "Is that so?" You nudge a finger harshly into Jean's bicep. The young man swats your hand away and shoots his friend a glare. Connie's cackling jumps around the cars walls, spurring your own laughter to bubble out and making Jean roll his eyes.

Wiping faux tears, you watch Jean snatch the blunt from Connie and take a pouty puff, his jaw tense. "Not sure how to take in this information, honestly. Who knew both of you weirdos wanted to fuck me?" You twist back around to lean properly against your seat. A victorious glow radiates from your warmed face, neck, chest -- even if it was all jokes, the idea sits heavy in your mind and lower belly.

"I think you're the weirdo for being so psyched about it." Connie says from behind, his usually chirpy voice dragging low, like he'd just woken up from a long nap. A few quick puffs burn the blunt to your fingertips and you pinch it out with freshly licked fingers.

"I don't hear either of you denying it." You chime, dropping the roach into your cup holder to deal with later. Jean, still awkwardly turned in his seat, looks back at Connie, and there's a moment of quiet that you get lost in, brain and body fuzzy from your high.

Inside the car, a sheen of smoke blankets over you three and beads sweat over your skin. The warmth feels more comforting than suffocating. Swirls of white and gray are barely illuminated by the dim blue nightlight inside the garage. It feels dreamy, almost ethereal in a strange way.

Jean pulls you back into the moment when he runs a large hand through his hair. He's relaxed into the seat, long legs cocked out enough that his knee threatens to knock into your hand on the center console. Connie leans forward, resting a hot hand over your shoulder. "It's hot as fuck in here, let's go inside."

"Alright, yeah. You guys go, I'm gonna park outside and air this baby out before heading in."

Connie squeezes your shoulder and all but rolls out of the backseat, stretching his legs and arms out like a sleepy kitten. Jean hesitates opening his own door beside you. He clears his throat. "Just so you know, I stare at your face too," his voice is quiet, like he doesn't want Connie to hear, and you quirk your brow at him curiously. He sputters for a second, "y'know, not just your ass. I mean, it's nice -- you have a nice ass. But like, that's not all that's nice. Your -- you --"

You cut him off with a giggle. "I'm glad you think my face is nice, Jean."

The low light was just enough to see the goofy grin grow over his face before he slid out, joining his friend at the door leading inside. Connie bumps into him playfully and the two stooges shuffle off, leaving you all alone in the smoky blue garage.

Heading in, you expect to spy the two raiding the fridge, or perhaps even locked away in Connie's room playing games. Instead, you find two men in your room, lazing around like they own the place. Connie sits in your computer chair, his slippered feet propped up onto a bare spot on your desk, while Jean sits at the foot of your bed, leaned back on both palms. Only Jean looks at you once you enter, his bronze gaze only slightly sleepy as it rolls over your form.

"Oh, hello," you quip, hand hovering over the doorknob. For some reason, it feels like you intruded on them, versus them plundering your room. Connie, in his stretched out position, nods too casually in your direction. A little bit of his stomach peeks out from under his shirt -- you can see the waistband of his boxers, stretching around the V shaped muscles that disappear under his sweats.

"Let's watch a movie." Connie reaches toward a few figurines you keep beside your monitor, itching to busy his hands with something or another. You look between the two, wondering if there's something you're missing -- but ultimately, you shrug, closing the door behind you.

Twenty minutes into a Marvel movie you've seen a thousand times, there's two hands on your thighs and not a single thought in your brain. Jean, on your right, squeezes gently every few moments, and the pressure feels so warm and comforting -- Connie, on the other side, swipes his thumb in a mesmerizing half moon, leaving tingles in its wake. Their skin is hot against your own.

The coyness surrounding you all is nearly suffocating. You want so badly to acknowledge the growing sense of want, of need in your center, but all you can do is stretch your legs out and lean back against the wall.

Connie lets his pinky fiddle with the hem of your shorts, between your legs. As small as the action is, it still draws a tiny gasp from you, something that doesn't go unnoticed by anybody. He glances over, a little smirk on his face. "Weirdo." he mumbles, but takes it as a good sign. His hand glides upward just the tiniest bit, spread wide and gripping at the soft flesh more eagerly. Jean follows suit, watching curiously as he trails his own hand upward, slipping a few fingers under your shorts and dangerously close to touching your panties.

Your legs react on their own. Knees bending, they butterfly out, allowing the men more access. There's no use in thinking any of it over; Jean has a hand on the side of your face, gently urging you over to look at him, and Connie messes with the crease where your thigh meets your pelvis before you can make any internal argument about it. Looking up at the brunette, you feel so vulnerable, a far cry from the cocky attitude you held in the car earlier. He smiles down at you, drinking you up, savoring the doe-eyes and the way your lips part when he leans in.

Lips slotted together, it feels effortless to kiss Jean, but it takes all your willpower not to gasp into his mouth when Connie retracts his hand, only to press directly over your clothed center. The heel of his palm digs into your clit through the thin layers of fabric, purposeful and direct, and he uses a finger to press between your folds. You end up losing the battle, but only partly, letting a little whimper loose against Jean's surprisingly soft lips. He slowly licks into your mouth and raises his hand to rest over your lower belly, dipping under your shirt to smooth over the warmed skin.

Your eyes are closed, body alight with so many exciting sensations you're not sure what to focus on. Regaining a moment of sense, you can feel yourself reaching for both of them, settling on their legs at your sides. It grounds you, anchors you, but it doesn't last long. Connie's chuckle sounds out beside you. "You're wet," he says, nudging your shorts aside to urge a finger against your underwear. "I can feel it through your panties."

Breaking away from Jean, the urge to pant and catch your breath is as tempting as it is embarrassing. You glance at Connie, looking at you like a hungry wolf, and slide your hands over both of their laps, somehow surprised to be met with strained fabric. "You're one to talk." You reply, gripping the noticeable bulges beneath your palms. Both of them utter a sort of groan, stretching themselves out to allow better access. Connie's dickprint could clearly be seen through his sweats, strapped to his thigh by a pair of boxer briefs, but Jean's dick laid more concealed beneath his dark jeans, the rigid fabric keeping you from getting a whole hand around him. You wonder for a moment how different their dicks looked -- how different they would feel, bare against your hand, your tongue, even stretching you out.

The clothes come off in a sort of frenzy, confidence blooming in your chest once the men were down to their underwear with their cocks begging to be freed. Suddenly, you lost the shy feeling of toeing around what you all wanted. You found your voice.

Straddling Jean's hips backwards, you face Connie, holding onto the brunette's strong thighs for balance. Jean teases his dick through your folds and gasps when you grind against him, brushing his head over your needy clit. Before you, at the foot of the bed, Connie leans back, legs spread so he can jerk off comfortably to the sight in front of him. Your eyes follow his movements -- working up the veiny shaft until dollops of pre ooze out from his flushed tip.

Jean's hands shift from groping and massaging your ass to gripping the supple meat of your hips, rocking you up and down as you slide your pussy over his cock. Arousal leaking, you're so wet he could slip right inside, given a good enough angle -- but he lets you move whichever way you want to, lets his eyes roll back with a groan.

"You wanna watch me fuck your best friend, Con?" You ask sweetly, voice tinted far too innocently for the hungry way you look down at him, splayed open on your mattress. Connie flicks his wrist, caught between watching your cunt work around Jean's dick and watching your face, such a sly smile crawling over your warmed cheeks. "Gonna watch me ride him stupid?"

Beneath you, Jean's hips twitch. His fingers dig into you with more urgency, a deep groan leaking from his chest. "Hold on, baby. Be a good boy for me." You coo, reaching down to cup his balls and press his cock flush against your wet lips. Shockwaves pulse through your body when you rub your clit against the silky smooth skin of his dickhead. Little moans spill out from your lips, urging both of the men on in their own motions; Jean bucks up into your hold, Connie grips his cock more fervently.

"You sound so fucking pretty like this," Jean utters from behind you, and Connie grunts, adding, "you look so pretty like this. Wanna see you all filled up."

Pleased, you lift your hips and align Jean's long dick with your entrance. It takes a moment for you to ease down all the way. A delightful burn shoots up your center, working to stretch around his meat and accommodate to his size, but you feel so full, so satisfied once he's buried inside you. His dick curves just the perfect way to hit the right spot deep inside your cunt.

"Oh, fuck," you mutter once you're pelvis to pelvis.

"Feels good?" Connie squeezes his tip, smearing more pre over himself. Eyes sliding shut, you nod eagerly and rock your hips, drinking in every gasp and moan that Jean offers so generously from beneath you. For a few moments you simply scoot and rock, massaging that spot and working up a tight coil in your belly. With the motions your body leans forward, providing Jean with the perfect view of your ass and Connie with the jiggle of your tits. Wet, lewd sounds slip into the space between you all, making the moment feel all too real.

"That's it, baby, take what you need," Jean smooths a hand up your curved spine. His heels dig into the mattress so he can press harder into your core.

Connie watches you start to bounce, a look of utter bliss washing over your face, and groans with every broken little moan you breathe out. He jerks into his fist in time with Jean's half hip thrusts. He can be patient, he can wait, he tells himself; no matter how he feels about Jean fucking you, the view and symphony you've selflessly provided him were more than enough to have every ounce of blood rush from his brain straight to his dick.

"Kiss, k-kiss me, Con," you mewl out, your breathing already growing heavy. The man jumps onto his knees and crawls forward, so eager to hold your jaw in one hand and give you exactly what you asked for. The kiss is sloppy, messy and wet, tongues sliding around each other without much direction, but it feels like exactly what you need, adding fuel to the flame in your core.

Connie slicks his hand up and down his shaft while he tongues you, eyes shut and abs squeezing tight. So many new experiences tonight, so little time to process them -- the thought of a threesome with Jean wasn't too out of left field, but the fact that you were smack in the middle of it was almost crazy enough to make him question if this was all a long, wet dream, one that would leave him sticky yet unsatisfied when he woke.

"You take me so fucking good," Jean grips your ass cheeks roughly, spreading them to take in the view of his cock sliding in and out of you with such ease. The desk lamp catches your arousal in a glimmer, leaking out and into the smearing of dark brunette hair around his pelvis. "Shit, so fucking good."

The praise makes you melt and stutter your bouncing, mewling into Connie's mouth and choosing to rock yourself back and forth to gain composure, but it's a fruitless effort. Pulling away from his mouth, an involuntary cry rips from your throat and that pressure inside mounts to an unbearable edge.

"F-Fuck, fuck fuck fuck--"

"Oh shit, are you cumming already?" Connie's eyes grow wide, looking down at you like a world wonder. He drops his hand from your face to grope at your tits, smoothing over the pert nipples and pinching them lightly to make you gasp.

Jean takes control. He holds onto you like you'd rocket off into space without him and hammers upward into your spasming cunt, jaw tensed as you milk him, your mouth dropped open in a silent cry. "God, fuck -- yeah, she is. C'mon baby, cum on my cock," he pleads more than commands, voice almost lost against the lewd slapping sounds coming from between you. The orgasm feels nearly shocking, crashing over you from head to toe and bathing your entire body in sparks and a deep, burning heat. Silken walls squeeze and shake, much like your hands, which grasp onto Connie's strong forearm to keep you from simply falling over in the peak of your pleasure.

The most you can offer is little squeaks as the wave dies down. You feel a little lightheaded and let out a shaky exhale, eyes fluttering open to meet those of your step-brother -- his gaze feels impossibly heavy as it flicks over your face. He licks his lips and offers a sly grin. "You're so fucking pretty." Connie says lowly. An almost ditzy smile flashes his way and you close the minimal space between your faces, catching his lips in another kiss.

Jean slows his movements to more purposeful, deep thrusts, and relaxes his grip, but rolls his head back into the pillow and utters a deep groan. "Where -- Where d'you want me? M'close," he breathes.

You break away from Connie, who whines a little, but watches you closely. Jelly-like legs work with you to unmount Jean and twist around so that you can take him into your mouth, propping your ass up into the air in front of Connie, almost like an offering. Jean watches you with half lidded eyes. His cock looks even bigger with your hand wrapped around it -- wetness and a little thick cream coat his bare, flushed skin, which you lick up in long strokes of the tongue. He pulses under your touch, eagerly lifting his hips to meet your lips as you kiss over his sensitive skin.

The brunette curses under his breath when you meet the heated eye-contact, smiling coyly before sliding his meat between your lips, suckling him and flicking your hot tongue over his frenulum.

Connie, behind you, eyes his friend's undoing, watches as Jean grips the pastel sheets beneath him with strong hands. Your ass dangles so teasingly in front of him, darkened shapes in the form of fingerprints ghost around your plump skin from where Jean held you just moments before.

He never thought himself to be possessive, but watching you impale yourself to the point of cumming over Jean's cock and licking up the delicious mess you made without so much as touching his own needy prick sparked something in Connie, a strange, primal sort of urge that drives his hips forward on their own. His hands grip at your hips and draw a surprised hum from your busy mouth, but the way you wiggle your ass in reply is enough to bring a grin back to his face. Your thighs are still slicked with your own cum and arousal, your hole flutters around nothing as he spreads your cheeks and peers at the mess you made.

Connie marvels at the way your supple skin feels cupped in his hands, so soft and smooth under his touch. He nudges his leaking tip against your center, rubbing up and down through your lips and gathering up wetness to spread over himself. "This okay, baby?" he asks smoothly, leaning over you to speak closer to your ear. With a mouth full, you nod and press back against him, gasping when the motion pushes just a little of his fat tip into you.

Jean locks eyes with Connie for a moment. The novelty of the situation hasn't worn off yet -- they share a few seconds of raised brows and near drunken grins before Connie presses into you with a firm and concise thrust. Vibrations from your rather deep and needy moan flutter around Jean's cock and immediately push him right up to the edge, rolling his eyes back as his stomach muscles grow taut. Cockhead pressed against the back of your throat, Jean gasps out the neediest sound he's made all night, "fuck, 'm cumming, 'm-- aah," his legs shake as he releases his load straight down your throat. You moan around him, sucking and flicking your tongue over the underside of his pulsing dick, resisting the urge to gag and gathering pinprick tears across your waterline.

Connie waits, already filling you to the brim, rubbing his hands over your hips soothingly. The room feels hotter and thicker than ever before -- Jean pants at the head of the bed, lids heavy as he gazes down and watches you lick up wayward spit strands from his throbbing dick. "Holy shit," the brunette breathes. "Holy shit. Thank you."

A little giggle spills out from your swollen, plump lips, and you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. "You don't need to tha-- ah, ah, fuck!"

Connie snaps his hips to and fro, urging you forward and back with the motions. He slides so easily in and out of your cunt. Straight pornographic sounds punctuate the stuffy room and he throws his head back with a long, purposeful groan, settling his thumbs into the little indents above your ass like perfect riding handles. His cockhead pushes and presses inside you. There's some muddled emotion behind these thrusts, so strong and sharp in contrast with the rather bubbly persona you knew Connie to hold.

Jean sits up onto his elbows, watching your tits sway and jump with his friends motions. "Bring her over here, Connie," he jerks his head at an angle and beckons you up the bed. Connie, after a few more thrusts, obliges, though his brow is furrowed in a rare look of concentration as you two shuffle up, still locked together in a slick hold.

You find yourself between them both yet again, your mouth uncoordinated in all your post-orgasm-slash-pre-orgasm haze. Jean doesn't seem to mind -- he lazily kisses over your cheeks, your jaw, licking trails up the column of your throat as you hover over him with shaky arms. Connie ruts into you at a pace that surprises you, drawing louder and louder moans with every slap his balls deliver to your throbbing pussy. "Y'love it, don't you?" He groans, "you love taking your step-brother's cock, don't you, pretty girl?"

With a hot mouth sucking little bruises over your neck, you utter a little cry, eyes pinching shut as your cunt flutters around Connie's dick.

"Yes, yes yes yes," you manage, "fuck me, give me more, fuck-- Connie--"

"You close already? Hold on for me, baby, wait for me."

At the command, you find yourself clenching your thighs together, whimpering when Jean absolutely pushes you in the other direction by tweaking and pinching your nipples between his fingers. The brunette grins against your flushed skin. He flicks the sensitive nubs playfully, biting down on your shoulder and sucking hard enough that there'd surely be a big blooming bruise the next morning. Desperate whines greet both mens ears as your cunt drools recklessly between your legs.

"Please, please Con, need'ta cum," you beg. "Please let me cum--"

Groaning, Connie watches the ripple of plump flesh that accompanies every thrust. His mouth drops open before he can think through what he says next: "Gonna let me cum inside?"

Your hole clenches around him on its own accord. "C-Cum inside?"

"Mhm," he rolls with it, too lost in his building orgasm to care anymore, "gonna let me fill you up baby?"

Of course, it's all talk straight from a thoughtless brain -- he'd finish wherever you wanted him to. But if he didn't at least try, he'd be kicking himself for the foreseeable future.

Jean eyes his friend over your shoulder, but kisses a trail up to the shell of your ear, where he breathes hot waves over you. "Good girls leave no mess," he coaxes, making you shiver.

The coil in your belly is strung impossibly tight. Right at the edge, ready to plummet for the second time that night, you whimper and grasp for Jean, digging your nails into his arms. You feel a release, a dam breaking deep in your core, sending a dizzying wave washing over you yet again.

"Cum in me," it almost comes out as a whisper, "please c-cum in me, Connie."

And it's music to Connie's ears, sending goosebumps over his sweat-slicked body. He needs no more than a few more pumps before your swollen, twitching walls milk the cum out of his cock, squeezing him so tight he utters a moan one might label as pathetic -- but he couldn't care less, tilting his head back and burying himself as deep as he could to shoot his load against your abused cervix. Jean peppers light kisses over your face, to the corner of your mouth, hung wide in another fit of pleasure.

The delicate smoothing of Connie's hands over your lower back, the soft hum from Jean beneath you, it all lulls you into a state of exhaustion you weren't sure you were capable of staying awake for.

After a moment, Connie pulls out, eyeing the cum mixture that threatens to drip out of your twitching hole with wonder. "Holy shit," he says quietly, voice nearly cracking.

Holy shit. There's no train of thought to be found for the rest of the night, even as all three of you re-dress and bid Jean goodnight an hour later -- he gives you a kiss, feather light and unsure as it lays at the corner of your mouth, but you don't mind in the slightest -- and, as you pad to up to your room once again, a creaking door startles you straight out of your still-tingly skin.

How in the fuck had you forgotten, or, perhaps your horny brain simply ignored, that your parents were sleeping just down the hall?

The tired, bleary face you know to belong to Connie's mom searches for you in the darkness. "Everything okay?" she asks, voice rocky, as if she'd just woken up. The hammering in your chest rings in your ears as you nod. "Was that Connie? And Jean?" she continues, looking you up and down for a moment.

Panic washes over you. Sure, you're a grown woman, you're certain both parental figures know you have a sex life -- but the pure taboo of the night doesn't escape you.

So, you sputter out the only excuse you can scrounge up in the moment. A half-truth, to save your conscience, and maybe even save Connie's grounded ass in the process.

"Jean came over, but not for Connie. He's been in his room." You say quietly, nervous fingers fiddling with the hem of your shorts -- too reminiscent of how your step-brother played with them earlier in the night.

A moment of silence passes between you two, before your step-mother hums to break it. "He's nice, that Jean boy. Sometimes I think Connie's a bit of a bad influence." And with that, she wishes you goodnight, and closes her door once again.

Retreating to the relative safety of your room, you shove yourself under the covers and heave a heavy sigh. There's no time to think over the potential consequences of your actions before there's a figure clicking the door shut behind them. Connie traverses the space confidently, as if it's his own room he's crossing, and doesn't even ask before crawling into bed next to you.

There's no fight in you, even if you had the energy for it. Jumbled, disorganized thoughts drift in and out of your mind as he snuggles into your side, his bare chest hot but comforting.

Connie, a bad influence?

He presses a lazy kiss into your hair.

Maybe, but you're no better.

[retrohachi]

when we were young random headcanons (1/???)

warnings: none besides this isn’t proofread and i was just spittin bc i’m bored LOL

~~~~~

- y/n and annie would talk a lot of shit about the boys during training breaks growing up

- pieck would always ask y/n to hangout a lot growing up but since she was always with annie that didn’t happen a lot. but when y/n would come around the two of them would have so much fun together.

- speaking of pieck; her family loves y/n. that’s why pieck’s dad made y/n the star necklace before she left for paradis. they thought of y/n as another daughter.

- pieck brings up y/n the most out of all of the warriors who stayed in marley, even more than porco. pieck feels about y/n the way y/n feels about annie.

- porco thinks a lot about y/n when she’s away in paradis. he has a million tattered love letters in his desk he wants to give her when she comes back

- porco developed a crush on y/n when there was a week annie was out sick from training. he liked her sense of humor

- if it wasn’t for the titan curse, porco sometimes thinks about what spending a life with y/n would be like, if they had some chance at normalcy. even though he knows deep down you’ll never feel that way about him. he likes the make pretend for brief moments.

-if you never met jean,stayed in marley and never inherited a titan; you’d definitely end up marrying porco

- reiner wanted a friendship with y/n growing up but things never worked out the way he wanted to.

- he thought you were funny but he’d never let you know that

- above all, reiner really admired you growing up and was totally jealous of how naturally things came to you.

- he’s happy you start talking to him again in the cadets. (again, even though he’d never let you know.)

- y/n and reiner are each other’s safe space but they’d never ever admit it

- annie pictured you being in her life until you both died

- like porco, she thinks about what a life with you could’ve been if you had normal lives. she used to think you guys would be friends forever but too much shit changed you both since coming to paradis

- okay speaking of paradis

-jean

-jean always thinks it but his words don’t do justice for how truly he means it : you are and will forever be the prettiest girl he’ll ever meet

- he’s always doodled random people when he’s bored but ever since he met y/n, for some reason his doodles always end up looking like you

- jean used to attempt to flirt with y/n but gave up when he realized how much better you were at it. plus he found the more acted like himself, you liked that more

- y/n has an awful habit of picking at her fingers. 90 percent of the time she won’t even notice she’s doing it but you know who does? you guessed it. jean.

- he’ll never call you out on it because he doesn’t want to make you embarrassed. so he find if he just slowly intertwines his fingers with yours you’ll quit it. he’s happy it helps you but it’s definitely his excuse just to hold your hand

- y/n is a year and half older than jean and he’ll never not let her live it down. he jokes all of the time about liking “older women” just to piss her off.

- that doesn’t mean y/n won’t use “WELL I’M OLDER THAN YOU” in arguments though just to piss jean off as equally much

- after the first cliff encounter, despite everything, jean still ended up writing his mom back because he promised you he would

- and in the letter he wrote his mom he told her about you

- sasha and connie tease jean so much about liking you

- but they notice since jean met you he’s happier and they’re just happy for that

- anyways

- one time connie made a deez nuts joke at the table during dinner and no one laughed but you. ever since then connie always liked you

- sasha will refer to you as her “gloomy little brat” but she likes how you contrast her. she’s thankful she met you

- just like jean, sasha also wrote her family about you. she was so excited to have a bunkie like you, she just HAD to tell them. as she gets to you know she absolutely sees you as a sister

- speaking of siblings let’s talk ab paul

- paul would bring y/n home little gifts from wherever he was sent off to. it’s something she always looked forward to when he came home

- y/n kept every single gift and they’re still in her childhood home in marley

- when candidate choosing was happening paul got to suggest who should inherit his titan. the mayhem titan always went to someone in your family

- he knew how much porco cared about you; so he suggested porco should be the one to inherit his titan and not you

- obviously things worked out differently, but he just wanted to dream for a moment about you living a normal life

- when paul was back home in marley, he’d play piano in his free time.

- your family had this real nice wooden one in your living room he’s practice on

- he was actually really good and tried teaching you some but you were ass at it

- so you’d just lay on the couch and listen to him play as you fell asleep

- since paul died, no one has touched the piano in your house

- his room also remained untouched, even after all these years

- paul also did yn’s hair sometimes. it would just be a ponytail and it looked horrendous tbh. there were bumps everywhere and a crooked bow tied in the back but you still wore it just bc your brother tried for you

- when you inherit a titan shifters titan, you inherit their memories

- since you took your brothers titan, you’re not sure how much of his memories you even see. you both had similar childhoods so sometimes it feels like both of your memories were just combined

- sometimes you’ll have dreams about paul and things he did, but you don’t know if they’re just meaningless dreams or his memories. you try not to think about it or else you start crying

~~~~~

LOL i have more but for now i hope y’all enjoy theses. idk when chapter 11 will be out and if you ask i’ll bite you 😟😟😟😟😟😟

if you’re finding this and have no idea what the fuck this is these are headcanons for a fic i write on wattpad called when we were young, my user on there is retroackerman (same as here lol)

LOL PEACE AND LOVE

[vrisrezis]

Aot x reader - Chapter 139 (spoilers obviously)

Eren

- once you realized mikasa had killed Eren, the three of you hugged and cried

- they both knew it was very rough on you

- he wanted to love you and live a normal and long life with you

- he wanted you to love him and nobody else and only think about him

- even after he’s gone

- such selfish desires he could never truly ever have

- but he did get one wish

- that you’d never move on

- it was three years after his death, exactly three years

- it was his anniversary death, mikasa was there with you, the others would join you soon

- while mikasa often encouraged you to try and go out on dates you couldn’t

- you were in love with Eren Yeager and it would always be like that

- until you finally died

Armin

- you and armin mourned Eren

- you and armin finally got married

- after dating for now 5 years it was something you finally got to do, the two of you just wanted to live like a normal couple

- while you spent a lot of time together, along with everyone else.. it was nice to just be alone with armin for once

- you loved him so much

- “do you wanna start a family?”

- as to which he’d reply, “yes, absolutely”

- you two could finally rest and live normally, and quite frankly it’s all you guys ever wanted

- you just wished Eren could’ve been there to see it

- you tried to encourage mikasa to go out and date, armin did not.. maybe it was because of what Eren told him

Mikasa

- she took erens death very hard

- she was the one that killed him after all

- you understood, they were very close

- she wanted to just live a normal life, be a wife and have kids

- so eventually you would

- and she would every so often visit Eren, even if it wasn’t all the time

- but it was his three year anniversary

- you cant believe it’s been three years since you’ve fought, since you’ve killed

- she can’t believe it either

- thank you Eren, for everything

- that’s what the both of you said a lot

- he was like a brother to you

- you couldnt imagine how mikasa felt

- your girlfriend is one strong lady

Connie

- the two of you (and Jean) really thought that was it

- and when you both got freed from being Titans, you instantly hugged eachother and cried.

- all you could do was cry

- Eren...

- the both of you forgave him of course

- the two of you still mourned over sasha quite a bit

- and you both cried seeing her again after so long

- at least you and Connie can finally relax

- “do you wanna... get married ?”

- “I mean .. sure”

- Connie and you visited everyone as often as you could, and you can see Connie slowly turn back to his normal goofy self

- it made you very happy to see him so bright again, he hadn’t been that way since Sasha was around to be honest

Jean

- the both of you thought it was the end of the line

- coming back, after just becoming Titans made you happy, but the mixed feelings you both had because of Eren

- crying seeing Sasha again

- “who you tryna impress Jean? Y/n? They already know what you look like” “shut it Reiner”

- he hasn’t been able to live a normal domestic life like he’s always dreamed of

- he takes you on dates, he does so much with you and he’s just a big hopeless romantic nowadays

- dances with you, you name it

- he just loves you so much

- he’s just glad he could spend a normal life with you finally when it’s something he prayed for

Historia

- after all that hell was over you just wanted to be with historia

- you felt bad leaving her with some random guy to cover for you while you fought out there

- but of course historia didn’t mind and understood you had a duty

- it’s been three years and it’s your daughters birthday and the both of you couldnt have asked for better

- you had a child and were happy, and you were married

- what better ending for the both of you then that?

- while she was miserable while being pregnant for a long time, she didnt realized the joy it was to have a child

- until she had the child at least

- she was glad she didn’t stay miserable and so were you

- it was the happiest moment of your lives, even if eren never got to witness it

Levi

- while it did hurt you a bit to see him in the state he was in and would be in for the rest of his life you were happy he was finally resting

- he was safe, with you, with gabi, and with falco

- nothing you could want more than that to be honest

- especially with the emotional attachment you grew to those kids

- he knew it too, you acted like such a parent to them both

- for once, despite all that he’s gone through and all that he’s lost he never lost you

- and man, he is so glad his worst nightmare never came true

- but truth be told he still gets really bad nightmares, but now he feels a lot safer

Reiner

- when he saw you again he cried and hugged you, as well as his mother of course

- he could finally introduce you both to eachother

- he went on dates with you often, but Jean always had something to say about it

- especially when you’d write him letters.. cause he’d sniff it like a creep

- he loves you though, and he’s glad he can finally be happy

- if only bertholdt was here to see it for himself

Annie

- she introduced you to her father

- something she always wanted to do actually

- living a normal domestic life with you wasnt something she ever thought could happen

- she’s happy about it though

- often you and Annie went to spend time with mikasa since she was going through a rough patch

- you and Annie eventually got married

- took awhile, she wasn’t ready but that was fine with you

- armin was happy for you both :]

- you and Annie see Reiner often too, you guys are buddies :]

- overall Annie is for once very happy

Pieck

- it has been so long since you’ve seen pieck actually get some fucking rest

- over the years this has been the best thing to happen to the both of you

- she was finally taking better care of herself

- she finally looked like she was sleeping, and had cleaned herself up and making herself just look a lot better

- she didn’t have regrets anymore, since she wasn’t dying anytime soon

- she was just there by your side living as normally as she could, which was pretty normal

- neither of you imagined this kinda life but you are both pleased

Gabi and falco

- the three of you gave eachother a big hug upon seeing eachother again

- safe and sound

- falco was relieved to see you both in one piece and not mindless Titans

- he cried a lot and so did gabi

- now you guys are older teens

- the three of you had been together for awhile but no complaints there

- the three of you did your best to take care of your dad Levi and he wasn’t displeased by how you guys dealt with it either

- he cared for you all very much and you all cared for him too

- you were just glad falco and gabi were happy, that the three of you could live long lives together like falco always wanted

[itslieutenanthawkeye]

Day 3 of Jeankasa Smut Week 2021: Interruptions

"A Crowded Home"

Ao3

With peace celebrations taking place, Mikasa and Jean's apartment is a bit more crowded than usual.

Disclaimer: This contains explicit smut. Please make sure to practice safe sex.

Mikasa fanned herself by the side of the crib, her eyes half-shut. Summers had become warmer with the passing of the years, and this one was a particularly hot one. She’d put the crib by the window and turned the fan on, but still, hot beads of sweat ran down her forehead. Their baby girl didn’t seem too warm, thankfully. She was sleeping in her yellow onesie, looking like the cutest kid in the entire world, but that was nothing new.

“Is she asleep?” Jean asked from the door, walking in with a bundle in his arms. Mikasa turned to look at him and nodded. “Our little guy is hungry, by the way, and he’s not latching onto the bottle.”

“Here, let me have him,” Mikasa said, and Jean placed their baby into her arms with a dexterity proper of a good father. He was only five months old, but he was just as clever as his dad. Their little boy found her breast quick, and latched.

Jean sat at her side, taking the fan from her and using it to air both her and the baby. “He’s such a mama’s boy,”

“Just like a man I know,” Mikasa pointed out, arching an eyebrow before planting a kiss on his cheek. “He loves you, a lot.”

“I know,” Jean said, rubbing their chubby little baby’s head. He casted a glance at the crib, smiling. “She went to sleep fast.”

“Can you blame her?” Mikasa sighed and looked at the pile of dirty clothes on the corner. “Connie’s gonna wash all of that. He had the idea to do the mud wars.”

Jean snorted, this time giving her a kiss. “I already told him.”

Their little apartment had been more cramped than usual. With Annie and Armin sharing the living room with Connie, Levi and Falco taking over the baby’s room and Gabi in their spare room, they’d had to move the baby’s crib to their little girl’s room. “Is everyone asleep?”

“Yes,” Jean said, running a hand across their baby’s head. He kissed his head, then went to kiss the curve of her neck. “We should put him in bed, don’t you think? The bathtub is finally empty.”

“What are you suggesting?” Mikasa said, aware already of what he was suggesting.

“I could wash your back. I could give you a massage,” he said with a wink. He put his hand on her shoulder and gave her a little squeeze, which she gladly welcomed. His hands were nice and large, perfect for rubbing her all over. “Just put the little guy in his crib. You need rest, don’t you?”

“You need rest too,” she said in a low voice, closing her eyes. “You’ve been doing all the work with the council, have you not? You need the sleep more than I do.”

“What I need is you,” Jean said. She handed him their baby, now soundly asleep, and Jean put him in his crib. Mikasa peeked in and confirmed he had his eyes shut. People often said he looked like her, but all Mikasa could see in him was his father’s face.

“He’s beautiful,” she said, closing her eyes when Jean put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed again. “He looks just like his dad.”

“We make pretty babies, don’t we?” he whispered in her ear, making the hairs of her nape stick out in pleasure.

“The prettiest,” she agreed, smiling. She tilted her head back, closing her eyes and inviting him to kiss her. Jean leaned forward, pressing his lips to her. “Are you sure the bathtub is empty?”

“Yes,”

“And no one will hear?”

Jean smiled, brushing the hair away from her neck. “It’ll be our secret…if you stay quiet enough.”

“I’m always quiet,”

“You never are.”

Their mouths met again in a tired dance of longing. She knew what he wanted to do in the bathtub, and she wanted it as well, but something told her their lovemaking tonight would be short. A short dance to remove the longing those weeks of a full house had caused. “I love you, Mikasa.”

Their baby stirred in his sleep, and she and Jean exchanged a panicked look before stepping out of the room. Short and sweet it would be, but she needed Jean raw inside her, and all the people in their house plus the babies had barely given them time with each other the past weeks.

They had visited the island for peace celebrations, and their little girl’s birthday, and although she adored Armin like her own brother, she sometimes wished he and Levi had taken Reiner and Pieck’s example and taken up Historia’s invitation to house them in one of her country manors.

Grabbing him by the hand, Mikasa pulled him into their bathroom. The scent of oils and herbs hit her the moment she opened the door, and one look at the bubbles and the two glasses of wine told her he’d prepared this beforehand.

Jean closed the door behind her and Mikasa turned to face him, eyes closed, lips slightly pouted in anticipation. He held her by the shoulders and placed another lazy, long kiss on her lips. “You really meant the relaxing part, did you not?”

“Yes, I did,” Jean said, smiling as he pressed his forehead against hers. “We’ve been having a rough couple of weeks, with all the celebrations and the crazy folk running around town. It’s time you get a rest, Mrs. Kirstein.”

A little moan escaped her throat at that. “I like it when you get possessive.”

Despite their tiredness, Jean’s smile was wickedly flirty. “Here, let me.”

He undressed her slowly and deliberate, taking her in as if he were enjoying some sort of heavenly feast with his eyes. First, her shirt and skirt and boots. When she stood in her underwear, he went slower still, taking his time to rub every bit of her, to kiss every inch.

Mikasa threw her head back when he lowered her panties and heard him moan from the very bottom of his throat. “Onto the rim, please,” Jean requested, his voice polite, as if he were requesting something from a queen. “I want to eat all of you, Mikasa.”

The yelp that escaped her was pleading, anxious to have his tongue on her folds, licking all of her wetness. Mikasa sat on the edge of the bathtub, spreading her legs apart for him, using her legs to spread the folds of her pussy for him.

Jean kneeled in front of her, his eyes fiery, and Mikasa couldn’t help but to feel an animal sort of possessiveness. Those eyes were hers, that desire, that delicious tongue that knew how to move perfectly to give her as much pleasure as possible…it all belonged to her.

“Make me feel good, Jean,” she asked, stroking his chin sweetly. “Please, make me come.”

Jean smiled and gave her hand a fleeting kiss. “I adore you, Ackerman. I’ll make you feel good as many times as I can.”

His tongue gave her a tentative little lick, which was enough for Mikasa to bring her hands up to her mouth and bite down on her skin. Their apartment was crowded; she didn’t want anyone to hear her…and she was loud enough to begin with.

“I love you,” she whispered as Jean buried his tongue inside her slit, his nose doing funny, fantastic little movements against her pulsing clitoris. His tongue came out of her and was replaced by two fingers, which hooked inside her to that rugged spot that made pleasure ten times more enjoyable. And his tongue…oh, his marvelous tongue stroked at her clitoris, his saliva and her juices mixing in the naughtiest rhythmless song.

“Hello?” the childish little voice that accompanied the knocking made both her and Jean perk up. “Mommy? Are you in?”

“My robe,” Mikasa urged, thanking heavens that they’d locked the door. Moving as quick as if he had his gear on, Jean threw the robe in her direction and went to rinse his mouth at the sink. She caught the robe in the air and, with the agility she’d had from her teenage years as a soldier, Mikasa wrapped it around herself. She went to the door, then opened it slightly, encountering her cute little toddler. “Hey, sweetie. How did you get out of the crib?”

“Mama,” their little girl said. “Are you taking a bath?”

“Yes, I am,” Mikasa said. Her daughter outstretched her hands in her direction, and Mikasa’s chest filled with warmth at the sight of her chubby hands opening and closing, asking her to lift her without words. She took her in her arms and pressed her against her chest, where Sasha rested her tiny little head. “You should be sleeping, you know.”

“Bath,” she said, pointing inside, smiling when she saw the water. “Bubbles, mama,”

“Yes, bubbles,” Mikasa said, giving her a kiss on her chubby cheek.

“Papa,” Sasha said, pointing at her dad with another huge smile. “Papa made bubbles.”

“He did,” Jean replied, taking a handful of the bubbles and putting them around his mouth. “Papa made a bubble beard.”

Sasha laughed, delighted, her childish little voice echoing in the apartment. “Silly.”

“Hey,” Jean said, grabbing more bubbles and stepping close to put some on her face. “Now you’re silly too, little girl.”

Sasha laughed again as her tiny hands went to the foam on her face, anxious to explore more textures. She was a curious little thing, with smart eyes and keen ears to everything around her, and an almost supernatural instinct to know where she and Jean were at all times. Mikasa still wasn’t sure if it was some sort of remnant from the Ackerman genes.

“Mama, bath,” she said, pointing at the water with a chubby finger.

“You want another bath?” Mikasa asked, brushing some of her light brown hair away from her face. Sasha looked exactly like her, when it came to bone structure and the shape of their faces. But as for the hair and eyes, she carried her father’s hazel and light brown tone of hair. “Baby, you already had one earlier.”

Sasha leaned her little face against her chest again. “I’m warm, mama,”

Mikasa closed her eyes, almost overwhelmed by the sweetness of her little girl. How she had managed to create someone so perfect, so sweet and happy, Mikasa still didn’t understand. She pressed her cheek against Sasha’s head, noticing she was warmer than usual.

“Jean,” Mikasa said seriously. “She does feel warm. Fever warm.”

Jean frowned and stepped closer, putting the back of his hand against their daughter’s forehead. “She is,” he said, suddenly concerned. “Do you think she’s coming down with anything? She might’ve caught a cold.”

“I don’t know,” Mikasa said, switching Sasha’s weight from one arm to the other. “Sweetie, are you feeling good?”

“My head hurts, mommy,” Sasha said, and Mikasa and Jean exchanged another look of concern.

“I’ll get your kit,” he said, switching from the passionate lover to the concerned father in the fraction of a second. Mikasa still didn’t know which side of him she liked the most, and perhaps she would never figure that out. “Also, apple juice?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said, unbuttoning their daughter’s onesie. “I’ll bathe her quick.”

“Sure thing,” Jean said, springing into action.

________________________

Jean could barely keep his eyes open. Sasha’s fever had finally dwindled, but it had taken them a whole night of watching over her to manage it. He hated seeing his children sick, and he feared that cold, awful terror that enveloped his heart every time he imagined them sick or injured would never fully go away when it came to them.

“Hey,” Connie said, sitting by his side while carrying the baby in his hands. “I got him to latch onto the bottle.”

“Connie you bastard,” Jean replied, giving his little boy a kiss on the forehead. “How is it that you can mange him to drink from the bottle and not me?”

“Maybe he wants me to be his papa,” Connie joked, winking in Jean’s direction before turning to do a funny face at the baby. “Yes, you do, don’t you? You want your mama to marry uncle Connie. Let Jean pay all the alimony, yes?”

“Shut up, Springer, you’ve got a girlfriend,” Jean snorted, unable to keep his gaze from his son. He was such a beautiful, strong boy, the perfect image of his mother. Both of their children looked exactly like Mikasa, only Sasha had inherited his hazel eyes and the color of his hair. “Thanks for helping me feed him, by the way.”

“Not a problem,” Connie said, giving their room a look. “It’s the least I could do, considering it’s my fault little Sasha’s ill.”

“It’s not at all,” Jean said, shaking his head, giving his son another kiss. He was so soft and cute, and if Jean could, he would stay home every day just to carry him and Sasha in his arms. “It was the heat, and the games. She’s still a kid, she’ll get better in no time.”

“I hope so,” Connie said, stroking his finger against the baby’s cheek. “Ah, you two make the most adorable kids. I’m coming more often to babysit,”

“Thanks, Connie,”

“When are you having a third one?” he blurted out. “Uncle Connie wants a football team.”

“Uncle Connie can start having his own children,” Jean laughed, taking his son into his arms, moving him the way he’d learned long ago. Jean gave him another kiss and he smiled at him, moving his tiny little arm, as if trying to find something. Jean offered him his finger, and his son took it without problems, giving a soft baby laughter that almost brought tears to his eyes.

“I love these two so much,” Jean said. “I’d make ten babies with her, if I could.”

“What’s stopping you?” Connie snorted.

“I’m strong, but ten is a bit too much,” Mikasa said, coming from the room and sitting next to Jean. She gave their son a kiss on the cheek, and he let go of Jean’s fingers and began to flail his little arms in Mikasa’s direction.

“I just love how he’s a mama’s boy,” Jean laughed, kissing their child again before handing him to Mikasa. “I don’t blame you, little guy, I want to be with her all the time, too.”

“Do you guys want me to hold him?” Connie asked. “Give you guys time to sleep.”

“Would you really not mind?” Mikasa said, moving their baby against her breast, lulling him back to sleep.

“It’ll give me practice,” he said, offering his arms to Mikasa. “I’ve got eight months to practice,”

Jean exchanged a look with Mikasa, then both stared at Connie with wide eyes. “No way, Connie.”

He nodded excitedly, looking as proud as Jean had felt the moment when Mikasa had told him about her first pregnancy. Men were dumb, Jean thought idly, as if he or Connie were the ones to carry a child for a whole nine months.

“Congratulations, Connie,” Mikasa said. “I didn’t think you—”

“It was a surprise baby, like yours,” Connie laughed as he took their son in his arms, who barely stirred from his sleep. Jean frowned; why was it that his son was only ever restless with him? He felt asleep so easily with Connie and Armin, and even Levi. What was wrong with him? “I’ll take him to his crib and read a book there. Is Sasha asleep?”

“She is, finally,” Mikasa said.

“Then the living room is all yours, lovers,” Connie said, with an outrageously exaggerated whisper. “Have fun but don’t be loud.”

“you think he’ll do alright? We need to visit Monica, make some sort of guidebook for him. Connie’s mom is older, she’ll need some help…” Mikasa said as Connie entered their baby room, turning to face Jean. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, perfect,” Jean said, although not too convincingly.

“Your son gets excited when he knows you’re around, haven’t you noticed?” she said, scooting closer to him on the couch. “Jean, he adores you. Even when he was inside me, he would always kick so hard whenever you touched him.”

“Why can’t he fall asleep with me?”

“Haven’t you seen how he stares at you?” Mikasa replied, kissing his neck, then his chin, as her other hand undid the first three buttons of his shirt. “He can’t stop looking at you. Didn’t you see how tight he was gripping your finger? He’s more a papa’s boy than he’s a mama’s boy.”

“I just want to be a good dad,” Jean said. “What kind of dad am I if he can’t even latch onto a bottle when I hold him?”

“Jean, we’re tired and you’re overthinking,” she said, pressing her body against his arm, bringing all his attention to her. She leaned forward, kissing the back of his ear with a sweet, sexy smile on her face. “Please, don’t overthink. Our children adore you and you are a great father. I adore you.”

He turned so he could cup her face with his hand. “You do?”

“I do,” she said, closing her eyes. Jean took that invitation and joined his mouth with hers. She opened her lips, allowing his tongue to enter her, to rub up against her own. “I adore you, Jean Kirstein.”

“I adore you even more,” he said, enveloping her whole with his arms. Mikasa was a tall woman, but he still took a sort of stupid, manly pride in knowing that he was tall enough to envelop her tightly in his limbs. “I adore you so much, my love.”

“You’re making it a competition,” she laughed as her kisses strayed to his chin, then his neck, her hands agile and quick, unbuttoning his shirt until his chest was exposed in the early morning light. “Everyone is out in the city, and Connie isn’t coming out of the bedroom in a while,”

“He’ll give us at least forty minutes,” Jean replied with a soft chuckle. “Sasha’s asleep?”

“And I closed the door, we’ll hear her opening it if she wakes up,” she assured him.

“You got anything in mind to pass time?”

“I have something,” she said, pressing her open palm against his chest, pushing him against the couch. “Sit back, please.”

Jean did as she requested, watching her in anticipation, already guessing what she was going to do. Mikasa’s hands unfastened his belt as she kissed him, and her nimble fingers found the buttons on his pants quick as always. When her hand dipped inside his underpants, Jean was already hard as a rock.

She pulled out his cock, giving it long, slow strokes that urged growls from deep inside his chest. “You’ve barely slept,” Jean said in a poor attempt at convincing her he didn’t desperately need her. “Don’t you want to—”

“No,” Mikasa said seriously, her strokes hard and steady. “I want this.”

“You’re just a filthy girl, aren’t you?” Jean joked, which was met with a soft snort from her part, since she was still so focused on the constant rubbing on his dick. “You’ve no idea how much I want you now, Mikasa.”

His wife smiled at him, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss on the chin before her mouth trailed downwards. Jean’s body shivered hole when she gave a little suck to both of his nipples before placing a kiss on the head of his dick, and it trembled even more when he watched her lap at the liquid accumulating on the tip.

“Open up,” he asked, stroking the back of her head. Mikasa did as he requested without a response, and she lowered herself down onto the whole length of him, sucking as she came back up. Jean breathed heavily, feeling her throat expand to welcome him, then feeling her mouth tighten as she sucked him gently when he pulled out.  “You’re brilliant at that,”

“I know,” Mikasa replied, coming back down onto him.

“Are you going to let me fuck your face?” Jean asked. His words were met with an outrageously flirty gaze from her part.

“And you’re going to cum on my mouth,” she said, putting his cock back in her mouth.

Jean moaned and held her by the head, and she allowed him to guide her in speed, only choking a little bit on his length. She pulled him out and spat on his cock, stroked at it hard while it was still wet, then gave him more steady sucking as she stroked, while her free hand was busy massaging his balls.

Jean held her by the head as she moved steadily, pushing him further and further into the pool of pleasure that was her body. At a point, he lifted her skirt and introduced two fingers into her wet, expectant hole.

He tilted his head back and moved his fingers the way she loved, adoring those moans that were stifled by his cock. He would give her pleasure back in full as soon as she was finished with him, but he had to wonder if she would let him or she would just get him hard again to make love…

“We’re home,” Armin announced, opening the door to the living room just as Mikasa came back up to show him her mouth filled with his cum. Armin gave a little squeal and covered his eyes, while Mikasa covered her mouth with both hands and Jean used his loose sleeve to wipe off the droplets of semen that had spilled down her neck.

Luckily for them, Annie and Armin’s line of view was blocked by the backrest of the couch, but they were not stupid, and the two of them had been married for a long time. Surely, both blonds and captain Levi behind them had figured out precisely what he and Mikasa had been doing.

“Don’t you have children in the house?” Levi said angrily, limping his way in with the help of Gabi and Falco.

“They’re asleep!” Jean snapped, buttoning back his pants. “Why don’t you guys ring the bell?”

“You gave us a key, dimwit,” Levi said.

“Why are you doing it in the middle of your living room?!” Annie demanded.

“Who was doing it?” Pieck asked from the hallways.

“Who do you think?” Levi grumbled, settling on the armchair nearest to him. “Which are the two people who can’t keep their hands off each other ever since they became a couple?”

Gabi smiled as she settled Levi onto the armchair. “You and Onya—”

“Shh, Gabi,” Falco said, grabbing her and Reiner and taking them to the balcony.

“What are you all doing here?” Mikasa asked, badly contained sexual frustration in her voice.

“We’re sorry,” Pieck said, coming in the door while carrying a box full of food. “Gabi suggested we had dinner tonight here. We’ll cook, so you two don’t have to move an inch.”

“Are you planning on a buffet?” Jean asked, still too aroused between the legs to do anything other than sit and wait for the effect of Mikasa’s lips on his to wear off. “Why did you guys bring in so much food?”

“We’d thought it would be a way to say thanks to you guys,” Falco replied, his cheeks colored red.

“Your mom is coming too, tonight,” Levi said, giving Gabi a thank you nod as she propped his leg up on another chair.

“Let me guess, I’m supposed to go pick everyone and bring them back here?” Jean asked.

“You’re the one with a car,” Pieck said, shrugging.

“We’re filling up your pantry, Kirstein, don’t be such a grump,” Reiner shouted in from the balcony.

Jean leaned onto his knees, giving Mikasa a sideways glance and noticing her discreetly rearranging her clothes. Even with her shirt on, he could tell her nipples were still hardened. “All those hotels, all those hotels for nothing.”

“What was that, Jeanbo?” Reiner asked.

“Fuck off,” Jean said, then noticed the distinct creaking of the room to their door opening.

“Auntie Pieck!” Sasha shouted, running in from their room, looking blessedly fresher than the night before, imbued with energy again. Pieck put the box of food on the nearest table and lifted Sasha into her arms. It might’ve been something that laid hidden in her Ackerman genes, but colds didn’t last long at all. He only hoped their baby boy would grow the same way.

“Hey,” Mikasa said, leaning closer to kiss him on the temple. “Just a few more days.”

“I could have them all year in the island,” Jean replied, turning his face so he could peck her lips quickly, taking an advantage from the buzz that had taken over the apartment. “I could be a gracious host if they’d gotten a hotel.”

“I know,” Mikasa said with a smile, brushing the hair away from his face, and the love in her eyes was all Jean needed for his mood to dissipate. “We should stop trying to sneak around while our home is so crowded.”

“We should,” Jean agreed, smiling in defeat. “We’re acting like silly teenagers.”

Now it was Mikasa’s turn to agree. “We are.”

“I can’t help it when you’re this pretty,” Jean said, cupping her face again.

“I promise I’ll be all yours when we’re less crowded,” Mikasa assured him, planting a kiss on his forehead, then one on each of his cheeks.

“Are you two gonna fuck right in front of us now?” Levi asked from his chair.

Little Sasha giggled in Pieck’s arms “What is fu—”

“It’s nothing!” Pieck squealed happily, glaring in Levi’s direction for a second before turning her attention back to Sasha. “You want to make an apple pie, baby?”

Sasha clapped her hands and beamed. “Yes!”

“There are children here, captain.” Mikasa said, glaring in Levi’s direction.

“I know, sorry,” he said, admitting reluctantly, for once, that he’d screwed up. “You two remember that as well.”

Mikasa came to her feet, looking serious but not angered. She was much more patient with their guests than he was, something for which Jean was thankful. He watched her scold Levi for a little while before going over to where Pieck, Gabi and their daughter had began setting things to bake the pie, feeling a stupid little grin spread over his face.

On the balcony, Reiner, Armin and Falco were setting up a grill he guessed they’d brought over from the continent. Yes, the apartment was crowded, but at least everyone was there, and, for the time being, everything was at peace.

_________________

Mikasa looked at herself in the mirror once again. It had been a while since the last time she’d worn something so fancy, and Pieck had insisted that a low-cut cleavage was very stylish nowadays in the continent, while Gabi had insisted that pink was Mikasa’s color.

She’d never been knowledgeable when it came to style and colors, but Mikasa had to admit she liked the way she looked. The pink fabric shone a little under the mansion’s lights, and she’d brushed her hair until it was black as night itself. And despite that she’d never been vain, pretty was the only adjective that came to her mind when she caught her reflection in the mirror.

Of course, her pretty was different now than as ten years ago. Now, the muscles in her arms had given way to soft flesh, still strong, but not as razor-sharp as before. Her breasts were fuller due to the new baby, and she could no longer see the marks of her abs through the clothes. It was all product of change, of the spring that had come to her life after everything had burned down.

The ballroom was beautiful, much like every other celebration they’d attended hosted by Historia. Despite the hanging chandeliers, the servants dressed in a hundred different colors, and the ambassadors gathered in their fancy traditional garments, Mikasa’s eyes went to the stage.

She’d decided to not partake in the ceremony; she’d had enough politics for a lifetime, but she’d insisted that Jean participated. After all, there had to be at least one representative from their family up there.

“They look good,” Falco said as Historia went and presented the medals to each of the people who had been involved with the peace accords years ago.

“You two look good, too,” Mikasa said, looking at him and Gabi, who wore clothes of matching blue. Falco blushed, uttering a thank you that was mostly mumbling, and she turned her attention back to the stage.

Despite that she’d stayed at the back, Jean caught sight of her immediately. He looked so handsome in his formal suit, with his hair slicked back and his face shaved. Her husband smiled from where he stood, in an expression so flirty that Mikasa had to wring her hands together. There was something in his eyes, an idea, an idea Mikasa had the suspicion that she would enjoy it to no end.

____________________

Jean found her by one of the fountains out in the gardens, taking to Gabi while holding a glass of water in her hands. She looked gorgeous, simply gorgeous, with that pink dress and her hair loose. There was a pink collar to match her clothes resting against her neck, but that didn’t draw his attention away from the cleavage, which could’ve been scandalous if it had been a couple of centimeters lower.

“Hey,” he said, intertwining his fingers with hers. “How are you liking the party, Gabi?”

“It’s fun,” Gabi said, stuffing another shrimp inside her mouth. “I can’t keep count of how many of these I’ve had.”

“And how are you, you gorgeous little thing?” he said against her ear.

“You looked nice on stage,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder.

“You looked better, though,” with all the organizing he and Armin had done, he hadn’t seen her before the ceremony. So, the vision of her in her fancy clothes had stirred that badly hidden desire he’d pent up all these days.

Everyone would be gone in a couple of days, back to their lives on the continent or their lives as diplomats, and they would have the apartment to themselves again. But he wanted her now.

“We got a call, you know.”

Mikasa looked at him. “Your mom?” she asked, concerned. “Did something happen to the kids?”

“I don’t think so,” he said, frowning and feigning innocence. “But we need to go inside to call them back. It sounded urgent.”

________________

Mikasa moaned, clutching the face that was kneeled in front of her, buried under her skirt. “You’re a liar,” she said, but her complaints were muffled by the constant movement of his tongue against her pussy. “You’re a cheeky man,”

“I know,” he replied, closing his eyes as he parted her folds, sinking his finger inside her as his mouth kept working the pleasure spots in between her legs. “I’m a bad, naughty man.”

“Yes,” Mikasa said, bringing both hands up to her mouth to muffle her voice. He hadn’t dragged her to the reception, but to one of the many fancy bathrooms in the mansion, one that had cushioned chairs and large mirrors as an antechamber for the actual bathrooms.

As soon as they’d gone in, he’d pushed her gently onto one of the armchairs, and he’d spread her open to eat her whole. He dipped another finger in, then a third one before twitching them quickly inside her as his tongue moved against her clit, making her squeal. She covered her mouth again,

“We’re far from everyone,” he said, kissing her inner thighs while his fingers moved inside her. “You can be loud, Mikasa,”

She didn’t remove her hands from her mouth. Jean smiled at that. “Do you think you’re going to be that loud?”

She nodded, looking away from him. What did he expect, after almost a full month without anything but quick and passionate kisses and unsuccessful attempts at making love? She was a cluster of nerves and hormones, heightened by the perfume of his hair and the suit that looked beautiful on him.

“I’m close,” she announced, closing her eyes, and Jean’s tongue applied a little more pressure onto her clitoris. “Jean, I’m going to get really wet, stop,”

“I don’t care if you flood the place,” Jean said, eating her with a hunger proper of a man that hadn’t had his wife in almost a month. “I want you to flood the place, actually. Flood all of us. Come for me, baby,”

“Your suit!” Mikasa reminded him. “Y-you don’t have a spare—”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jean said teasing her clit with his free thumb as his tongue dipped in her slit for a quick second. “You’re so wet and delicious, Mikasa. I don’t care if my suit gets dirty. Come for me, baby. I know you want to. Let me drink you whole.”

“But, the party…”

“We’re leaving right after this,” Jean announced. “I’m gonna fuck you in the car too.”

“Fuck,” Mikasa moaned, all her breath leaving her body as Jean resumed his licks. “Fuck, Jean!”

“Ah, foul mouthed,” he teased, making her smile. “Come on, Mikasa, come for me. Come for your husband, come all over my face,”

“You’re so naughty,” Mikasa said, throwing her head back as she reached her first orgasm in almost a month. She opened her mouth, mouthing Jean’s name as pleasure took over her body and spilled itself onto his mouth. Her whole body trembled, almost in rhythm to Jean’s moans and growls of pleasure. She moved her hips in circular movements, taking a hold of his face by the hair to keep him in place, as tiny bouts of pleasure took over her body in erratic patterns.

Once she was done twitching from pleasure, she was able to speak. “Your suit, the seat, Jean…Jean?”

“It’s all good,” he replied, lapping at her pussy with his long, wet mouth, sending shivers across her back. She looked at him and saw that his face and chin were shiny with her juices, but his suit was immaculate. Jean arched an eyebrow and smirked. “Do you think I’d let any of that go to waste?”

“Any of that?”

“Your juices,” he said, crawling on top of her. “I’d never let a drop go to waste.”

Mikasa closed her eyes as she felt his hot breath on her skin. “We’re gonna do it here?”

“Yes,” Jean said, kissing the curve of her neck. “Do you want to?”

She looked back at the door, which had remained tightly shut since their arrival. “Yes,” she admitted, wrapping her leg around his waist as Jean parted her dress.

“A dress that parts at the front,” he moaned, his cheeks impossibly red. His hands went to the zipper in his pants, and she felt his throbbing dick against her entrance a moment later. “You’re so sexy, you know that, don’t you?”

“I like to hear it from you,”

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he whispered against her ear, and Mikasa clutched his back as his manhood entered her, spreading her apart. Part of her thought Jean would finish the moment his whole length settled inside her, but he had a surprising restraint for someone who had just gone for so long without the physical touch they were accustomed to.

“You’re okay?” she asked, brushing a hand on his hair.

Jean chuckled breathlessly. “I’m only gonna last five minutes…I’m such a pathetic husband.”

Mikasa closed her eyes, bracing herself to utter the words in the back of her throat. Dirty talk had never been her stronghold. “You can fuck me all night. We’re not stopping after just one time.”

That was enough to get his spirits lifted. Jean moved back and then he pushed inside her, making her squeal. He gritted his teeth as he came out and pushed again, this time with his hand worked the cleavage and her breasts out spilled out.

He leaned forward, taking a nipple between his teeth and giving it a little suck. “I love these,” he said with a cheeky smile. “You’ve always had such great tits. I fucking love these tits,”

“You’re a pervert,” Mikasa replied, one of her eyes closed. Having him moving inside did wonders to make her feel hornier. “Fuck me harder,”

“Yes, my love,” he said, then he started to move his hips in quick motions, stirring her insides and shaping her to the outline of his cock. He was pounding her, and pounding her hard. Mikasa closed her eyes and used both hands to squeeze her own nipples, driven mad by the constant hit of his cock against her very bottom.

Someone rattled the door, forcing them out of their trance, of that spell that caused them to be separate from the world outside. “Get dressed,” he said, starting to pull out of her, but Mikasa tightened the grip she had on him.

“No,” she said, her insides throbbing with the size of her husband. “Against the door, Jean.”

That smile again, that flirty smirk that melted her into a puddle, that smirk she hadn’t noticed was so attractive until the dust from the war had settled. He carried her in his arms and pushed her against the wall, using both of their bodies as a blockage to keep whoever was outside from coming in.

“You’re naughtier than me,” Jean whispered, pounding into her faster.

“Harder, Jean,” Mikasa begged. Her mouth went to his neck and gave him a soft suck, which elicited another low groan from him. She’d already left a thousand little marks on his body with her teeth, which they had worn out this month they’d restrained themselves. It was time to bring those love marks back.

“Is anyone in here?!” a couple of female voices shouted from outside. Jean didn’t stop pounding on her, and Mikasa had to bite down on his skin. She lifted her head and pressed her forehead against his, loving the way his face contorted in pleasure with every thrust.

“Hello?!” another said. “We want to go inside!”

“It’s busy!” Mikasa replied angrily, not looking away from his eyes.

“It’s a big bathroom!”

“There are others!” Mikasa said, holding onto her husband as he got closer and closer to his orgasm. Heavens, he was so beautiful, and his body was just the best playground. She leaned closer to him, smiling. “I love you,”

“I love you too,”

“Can’t you come—”

“Go…away!” Mikasa shouted, although her shout turned into a high-pitched moan of pleasure as Jean resumed sucking on her nipples. She held onto him like her life depended on it, and she closed her eyes and clenched the muscles inside her to drive him over the edge. The women outside had left, and it was just the two of them again, lost in their little bubble of pleasure.

“I love you, baby,” Jean said, uttering her name in quick succession right after, his mind full of nothing other than her name, her presence, which only made her own pleasure increase. It was such a beautiful thing, to know this man had eyes for no other than her.

His orgasm was strong, and soon, her thighs and belly were coated with his semen. Jean was red faced, perhaps more than herself since he had done all the moving. He kissed her neck as she came down from the position they were in, then her cheeks, then her mouth. Her mouth moved against his slowly, their need for each other finally quenched after so many months of living in an overcrowded apartment.

“We’re not done yet,” she said, pushing him towards the armchair. “Now I’m going to ride you,”

“Yes, please,” he said, pressing his mouth against hers.

“I’ll suck you first,” Mikasa said, grabbing his wet cock in her hand.

“Fuck, yes,” Jean moaned, now his voice high pitched.

Another knock caught their attention, and Mikasa turned angrily towards the door. “I told you to go away!”

“Mikasa?” Historia said from the other side. “Mikasa, honey, you guys can’t hoard the bathrooms…besides, you guys…some people heard you.”

Her cheeks became of a deep red at the sound of the queen’s voice, and she felt Jean going limp in her hand. She turned to look at him, noticing he had the same mortified expression as herself, but the sight of him only brought out a little chuckle from deep within her chest. “We’re still acting like teenagers,”

Jean smiled at her widely. “We are,”

“Are you guys coming out?”

“In a second!” Jean shouted back.

“For real?”

“Yes, your highness!” Mikasa said, taking a minute to kiss her handsome husband’s face. "We will never hear the end of this from Connie and Reiner."

"Good thing they're leaving tomorrow," Jean replied, stroking her chin and kissing her lips, holding her face with both of his big hands. "Do you want to get out of her? Everyone can take a taxi back home for all I care."

Mikasa recalled that stretch of lonely woods that remained in the outskirts of the city, the few times they’d snuck out of their responsibilities to make love in the quiet of the forest. The car would be a bit tight, considering how much he enjoyed moving and how tall he was. One look into his hazel eyes told her he was thinking the same thing. "Take me out of here, Kirstein."

"Are you guys coming out?!" Historia asked from outside.

"Coming!" Jean and Mikasa shouted at the same time.

[potato-an0n]

Part 2 of my really long oddly specific levihan now family fic no one asked for

(part 1 is right here)

Context for this: I'll be using Sophie's (aka drinkyourfuckingmilk) levihan children ocs, but made a few tweaks (here's more info on Samson and Leelu here)

Their personalities are still the same (well, I might tone down their crackhead-ness just a bit) the only difference is their birthdays, and instead of being 1 year apart, they're a few minutes apart, and Samson is the oldest twin by 5 minutes XD.

So...this is going to be REALLY long so be prepared for that.

Ok enjoy!

- Levi came up with the name Sam but Hange thought it sounded basic, so she came up with Samson.

- Levi also came up with Leighla, and then Hange started calling her Leelu as a nickname.

- Samson was a pretty loud baby as Leelu was pretty quiet, however she does get aggressive.

- Leighla once almost slapped Levi in the face when she was hungry.

- Samson makes weird noises whenever Levi is around, and he look at him confused, which made Samson giggle.

- Hange and Levi switch nights to watch over the twins.

- I can imagine Levi singing them to sleep and it actually works.

- Sometimes, Hange would watch from the door.

- Hange would ramble on and on about her experiments to the twins, despite Levi telling her they're not going to get it since they're babies and to at least wait until they can talk.

- When they take the twins outside, Samson would look around the environment they're in, meanwhile Leighla sleeps.

- Hange's parents came to visit to see the twins and offered to babysit them since Levi and Hange looked like they haven't slept, so they let Hange's parents babysit them as they catch up on some sleep.

- Kuchel and Kenny visited at one point to see the twins as well, and Kenny almost dropped Samson bc Samson wanted to be tossed.

- Levi was pissed but held back bc his mom, Hange and the twins are there, however, he didn't let Kenny carry him for awhile.

- The twins took a liking to Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Moblit, Nifa, Farlan and Isabel.

- Samson and Leighla would sometimes pull on Isabel's pigtails.

- They also pulled Mike's hair and Leighla would lightly slap his face. Levi was amused by this.

- They were surprisingly calm when Erwin and Farlan held them. The twins would just stare at them and then lay on their shoulder.

- Nanaba played peek-a-boo with them and they seem to enjoy it.

- Moblit was a bit hesitant holding the twins, but they took a liking to him bc they started giggling.

- Samson took a huge liking to Nifa.

- Levi didn't feel comfortable with the twins around the 104th squad until they could stand (at least) bc he's afraid either they'll break the twins or the twins will break them.

- Mikasa asked about meeting the twins when she was helping out at the tea shop and went home with Levi to see them.

- Mikasa let out a soft smile as the twins started babbling to her and tried to touch her hair.

- She would try to get them to say her name but failed every time.

- Both Samson and Leighla are pretty active babies. Once they were able to crawl, they would crawl all over the house to the point where Hange would chase after them (she had fun chasing them around though and would praise at how active they are).

- Levi definitely baby proofed the house (and the tea shop)

- Once Hange was able to go back to work, Levi would take the twin to the tea shop to watch over them. They would be in the playpen in his office.

- Petra, Olou, Eld, Gunther, and Eren played with them a lot and gave them a lot of attention.

- As they were nearing their first birthday, the twins learned how to walk (or waddle) .

-Levi would watch them from afar in strict dad mode (aka how he usually is) but later eased up a bit.

- He gave the 104th kids a VERY stern warning to behave (specifically warned Jean, Eren and Connie), be gentle with the twins and made sure that their hands are clean.

- Samson loved the attention he was getting, meanwhile Leighla felt a bit overwhelmed until Armin carried her, she started to feel at ease.

- They occasionally enjoy Connie's silly peek-a-boo face.

- Sasha ate their baby snacks "on accident."

- Jean and Eren would bicker who the twins likes more, but turns out they like Armin, and Mikasa the most.

- Sometimes Ymir and Historia will join the 104th squad and play with the twins.

- Marco sometimes like to watch them crawl around and they'd chill on his lap sometimes.

- One time, Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie came into the tea shop and at first, they were confused on what's going on until they saw everyone was playing with Samson and Leighla.

- Samson and Leighla saw Bertholdt and started making grabby hands towards him.

- Bertholdt was a bit nervous, but held them anyways.

- When Bertholdt tried to give them back, they would NOT let go.

- Leighla did not like Annie. She got pretty aggressive when Annie tried to hold her at one point.

- Samson would poke Leighla repeatedly on her face to get her reaction until one time he accidentally poked her eye. She started to cry out of pain and then punched Samson in the face and he started crying.

- You can imagine how that went for Levi and Hange.

- Leighla and Samson were playing with the 104th squad and Leighla wanted Armin to carry her so her first word was Armin.

- Mikasa totally wasn't salty about that.

- The whole squad was freaking out and Armin felt honored.

- Leighla felt proud of herself.

- Levi was about to tell everyone to keep it down, but when he heard Leighla say her first word, he felt so proud of his little girl. He didn't show it, but when he took her to his office to feed her, he softly smiled at her and basically had a little father-daughter bonding time.

- Hange basically twirled her around screaming how she can now talk and smothered her with affections.

- The family was walking in the park, with Hange carrying Samson and Levi carrying Leighla. Samson spotted a butterfly and pointed at it saying bug.

- Hange started squealing "that's my boy!" and then gave a huge lecture on butterflies.

- Even though Samson has no idea what the heck she's saying, he seemed interested.

- Levi sighed, but gave Samson a soft smile and a pat on the head.

Toddlers- 4 years old

- They would make a mess in the living room bc they like to throw pillows at each other.

- Levi obviously scolded them and taught them how to pick up after themselves and where to put their toys away. Remind you they were toddlers.

- At least they learned where to put their toys and didn't scatter them onto the floor.

- They LOVE listening to Hange ramblings, especially Samson.

- She made bedtime stories more interesting, the twins looks forward to that.

- Levi would cuddle them close and listens to Hange telling them bedtime stories.

- Leighla really likes fairy tale stories, I would say her favorite would be Cinderella.

-Idk why, but I feel like Samson would like Alice in Wonderland, actually, they both like Alice in Wonderland.

- Hange would tell them the Grimms brothers version of the fairy tale classics, and although they were fascinated by it, in the long run.....that wasn't a good idea.

- Levi told Hange she shouldn't do that, but ofc, she didn't listen (spoiler, he gave her the "I told you so" look after an incident later in the future)

- Things started getting really busy at the tea shop, so grandma Kuchel would watch over them and they LOVE her, she's so sweet. She would tell them Levi's childhood stories.

- Isabel once babysat them and it was pretty chaotic. They made a blanket fort with her and they would cuddle up watching a movie together, it was so cute.

- Levi wasn't really happy that he's gonna have to clean that up but it was cute and the twins are in one piece so he let it slide.

- Hange took a picture.

- The twins liked riding on Mike's shoulders bc he's so tall.

- Nanaba would sometimes chase them around (idk I thought it'd be cute)

- One time, Hange brought her kids to her work and they wandered off.

- Luckily, Moblit found them in the lab staring at Hange's guinea pigs, Sawney and Bean.

- Moblit took them out for a bit so they can hold them.

- Hange came barreling into the lab out of breath and panicking to Moblit that she can't find the kids, only to find them playing with Sawney and Bean and Moblit.

- Hange ended up rambling about Sawney and Bean to the kids and went into too much detail.

- Nifa saw them playing with Sawney and Bean and decided to join them.

- When they go to the tea shop, Levi would lecture them on what rules to follow, things like not running around, disturbing the staff, steal pastries and don't exit the tea shop.

- Sometimes staff would make them iced fruit teas and give them a cookie to snack on.

- Connie would teach them how to do pranks. He had them one time sprinkle salt into Jean's tea and uhhh Jean spit it in Eren's face which resulted in a fight.

- Levi broke it up and was furious at Connie and the twins.

- He made Connie and the twins apologize and clean up the spill.

- He gave them a really strict lecture when they got home and uh, lets just say that was the first time they've seen Levi genuinely mad and it scared them a bit.

- Their punishment is to clean that they have to do house chores and help out with the tea cafe, they can't be with the 104th squad for a week.

- Hange bursted out laughing when she heard what they did, but stopped when she saw Levi wasn't happy.

- She could tell Levi had a stressful day, so she snuggled against him to comfort him.

- She saw the twins peaking from behind the entrance of the living room and called out to them to join them.

- They hesitantly went to into the living room and sat on the floor next to Hange.

- "What's wrong kiddos? Come here, don't be shy, it's just us."

- Samson and Leighla both squished each other on the left side of the couch and kinda hiding behind Hange.

- Hange picked up what's happening and brought the kids closer to them and gave them a pep talk.

- "Kids, I know you feel scared and guilty, but you know, even if you guys messed up, your dad and I still love you very much ok? And it's ok to make mistakes, it happens to the best of us, even you're perfectionist of a dad messes up sometimes, especially when we first got together but that's another story for when you kids are older. Anyways, the importance of making mistakes is that we make them so we learn from them and grow as people. And in the lab, we make mistakes or errors, but we don't give up, we learn from those errors and study past errors in order to find a way to thoroughly run an experiment and come to an accurate conclusion, there's this one experiment-"

"Hange, I think they get the point."

"Right, so in short, it's good you feel sorry for what you did, and it shows you genuinely care, but even though there will be times where we're going to have to be tough on you, we'll always love you ok?"

- Samson and Leighla apologized for their earlier actions and Levi apologized for yelling at them, and cue the sweet family bonding time on the couch.

This got way too long so part 3

[iamnightduchess]

There were originally two Asks for this but the draft got deleted by accident. To the two anons, I am so sorry 🙈 I also spent quite some time on it, so I had to rewrite everything all over again. But the Asks wanted to know what happens after their confession & their lives together afterwards in Hizuru, their courting process, marriage, kids & what Reiner does for a living when Mikasa ascends the imperial throne as the new Empress.

Reiner x Mikasa (ReiKasa) Canonverse AU (18+) Post-Rumbling Headcanon #18 (Pt.2) a.k.a a ficlet

A continuation to this post. Show me some ❤!

‼️Contains: mentions of PTSD‼️

Aftermath of Confession

Jean, who was also there with Annie & Armin, was very happy to see that two of his loved ones are finally embracing each other's feelings. He asks the new couple, "So, what's next?

Reiner looks into Mikasa's eyes and says, "For now, I just want to make out with the new most important woman in my life."

Annie sneakily jabs, "Get a room."

Reiner snarkily replies, "Good idea," causing Mikasa and Kiyomi both to panic before Reiner adds, "It was a joke, ladies."

"Jerk." Annie grins, as she holds her paramour's hand tight in hers. One could also see the look of pride and happiness on Armin's face, upon realizing that his sworn sister is genuinely loved by a good-hearted man, who would be her true anchor & life companion after the horrors she was forced to go through.

Reiner immediately approaches the Azumabito family matriarch and asks for her blessing and advice with the intention to officially court her kin. Kiyomi states that once Mikasa ascends the throne, the rules of Hizuru forbids the empress to marry a commoner but the spouse of a married ruler who ascends the throne will be recognized as the empress or prince consort. Thus, Kiyomi advises for their courting to proceed after the marriage, which will be held in a week.

Reiner and Mikasa, together, also talk to Jean and Armin in making it a triple wedding instead.

As soon as they return to the settlement, Reiner wastes not a second as he also looks for Levi, to get the older man's blessing as his soon-to-be wife's last living kin on her father's side.

Levi shakes his hand, albeit sternly, to which even Jean and Armin would cower in reflex, yet no one can miss the tender look in their former captain's eyes; one of a proud father when he said, "Be true. Be loyal."

Karina, Gabi and the rest of the Braun family are over the moon over the news of their immediate engagement & the family spearheads the wedding preparation together. The men go out to hunt and the women help with the simple but homely decoration as well as cooking preparations. Connie prefers to help the women and part of the reason is he's really interested in getting to know one of them; a single lady who had adopted 4 children whose parents were killed in the Rumbling.

The evening after Reiner had received Levi's blessings, Mikasa asks him out for a stroll around the settlement. Reiner also wants to spend more alone time with her. Teary-eyed, Mikasa confides in Reiner on everything that happened during the moment when she decapitated Eren's head, a truth that she has never told anyone. Not even to Armin. She told him that she placed her lips on Eren's cold dead ones to say her last farewell and that she is haunted by what she has done ever since. She is scared & terrified of what she has done and she feels she is being unfair to Reiner because of how 'broken' she is from within. Mikasa also says that she understands if Reiner wants to call off their wedding because he deserves to be happy with someone who doesn't have immense emotional baggage like she does.

Reiner, wordlessly, only holds her close in return. Mikasa almost flinches but she gradually allows the shackles inside her head go. However, she isn't able to return Reiner's physical affections as yet because of the unbearable guilt she still holds, thinking she is unworthy of Reiner's genuine love.

Reiner also confides that he has his emotional baggages himself; namely the day he tried to shoot himself in the head right before the assault in Liberio. Reiner also shares the reason why he has stopped thinking of dying, in particularly, the moment he realizes he did not want to give up on life so easily was the second he saw Mikasa's helpless face when the alliance decided to kill Eren. He accepts if Mikasa refuses to proceed with their wedding, but he would still follow her to Hizuru and be by her side - even as a friend.

At that moment, they both realize one fundamental truth: all these horrors they had to go through especially together only made them even more compatible with each other. No other man could ever understand and love Mikasa the way she is. No other woman could truly understand and love Reiner the way he is. They were both broken, emotionally weighed down but the strength they each needed was in the other all along.

Reiner and Mikasa are indeed two odd-shaped puzzle pieces who turn out to be a perfect fit after all.

That night, Reiner makes the first pledge to Mikasa way before his wedding vows: He will love her and make her happy for the rest of his life. He will never give up on her. Not even after death.

Wedding

The wedding had been a simple but a merry affair. Falco had been the ring-bearer & Gabi the flower girl.

Kiyomi had a craftsmaker from Hizuru and a blacksmith from Marley to make wedding bands from melted 3DMG blades and titan crystals for the three couples.

Kiyomi had found beautiful western-style white silk dresses in the Azumabito family's garments chest on the main ship. The brides, along with the help from Gabi, Karina and her sister, personalize the dresses according to their preferences.

Mikasa wears an ankle-length princess cut dress with tight long sleeves. She embroidered the hem with forest green trimmings (her new favorite color) and sewn gold laces and ribbons on the wrists and neck to match the color of Reiner's eyes. So as the gold teardrop stone on her silver headpiece. Reiner wore a matching white dress shirt and dark pants with a long beige overcoat, with a silver garnet tie to match the colors of his bride's beautiful eyes.

Annie wore a shin-length bell-shaped dress, with a sky blue drape silk wrap across her shoulders and sky blue hair ribbon to match the color of Armin's eyes. Armin wore a crisp beige coat with a light blue dress shirt and a matching dark blue bow tie.

Pieck, who's already 7 weeks pregnant at that time, wore a long halter bare-back dress, with a flowy dark purple ombre gradient skirt and a violet satin waistband, which matched Jean's bowtie and suit vest. He paired it with a crisp dark brown full suit.

Annie & Pieck were walked down the aisle by their respective fathers. Levi was the one who accompanied Mikasa down the wedding lane to Reiner.

Reiner was just captivated - he had tears in his eyes the moment he saw Mikasa in her wedding dress. He immediately kisses her hand when Levi gave her away.

Reiner & Mikasa's vows brought the guests to tears. Reiner vowed that he will always place Mikasa's life & needs before his and will always be with her through every second of their lives together - side-by-side, not behind her or in front of her. Mikasa vowed that Reiner will always have not only her heart but her whole life, in which their souls are bound for all eternity.

When they shared their first kiss as husband & wife, Mikasa truthfully savored & surrendered her heart to her first true love's kiss with Reiner.

Since Captain Levi was injured, it was Armin who sweetly offered his hand for Mikasa's father-daughter dance, as her sworn brother.

At the reception, Connie, being the best man to all the grooms jokingly said to the three of them, "You boys might have been married first, but I already beat you guys in being a dad," proudly proclaiming while cradling his adopted 3-month old baby girl in his arms.

Wedding Night & Courting

That eve of the wedding, Reiner had been a perfect gentleman and he wants Mikasa to know that they will always be each other's equal. He only asks her to take the lead when it comes to the physical intimacy in their shared life & they will only consummate their wedding when she is ready.

Reiner & Mikasa spent their wedding night just talking & reminiscing about their time as 104th cadets and positive memories of everyone they know until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Reiner wanted Mikasa to remember only the good memories with Eren and that night, Mikasa had a minor night terror but Reiner's embrace helped calm her down as he helped her back to sleep.

The next morning, Reiner & Mikasa spent their time helping the resident cooks in the main kitchen with breakfast. Reiner likes to sneak in quick kisses on Mikasa's forehead in between the kitchen chores & despite not being able to fully initiate physical affections towards Reiner, Mikasa have become more comfortable in accepting Reiner's physical affections without being subconsciously defensive.

They spent the next several days together by doing domestic chores around the settlement in particularly, they discovered that they both share the same enjoyment towards harvesting in the fields. Reiner loves seeing the peaceful expression on Mikasa's face underneath the sun when she's working hard at plotting soil for the vegetable roots. He never stops seeing her as the strongest, most beautiful woman in his life.

They both went on evening walks with Falco & Gabi and stargazing at night. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they would just sit in silence while holding each other's hands. They also discussed on their near future plans in settling down in Hizuru, bringing Karina with them so they can still take care of her together.

Reiner carries her from the main walkway to their shared unit every single night, much to Armin & Annie's amusement and Mikasa's horror. But by the third night, Mikasa had become more relaxed and she leant on Reiner's sturdy shoulders, accepting his comfort naturally.

Reiner also loves giving Mikasa surprises - whether it's a wild flower, a ripe edible harvest or any interesting things that he found while he was out helping at the fields.

Reiner's honesty, diligence and romantic wooing won Mikasa's heart and the last evening before they left for Hizuru, they finally consummate their marriage. That night, he carried her all the way to bed and they never left until they woke up in the morning. Reiner spent the whole night just worshipping every inch of his wife's body and never took his eyes off hers when they made love for the first time.

Life in Hizuru

As soon as they docked in Hizuru, Reiner & Mikasa, respectively, went into an immediate intensive training to prepare them for the duties & expectations of the imperial throne. Mikasa, to prepare her as an Empress and Reiner, to prepare him as her prince consort, especially him being the first non-Hizurian blood to sit on the imperial throne.

Reiner also voluntarily enlisted with the Hizurian naval forces to learn the new ropes of being a sea military member, as oppossed to land. It wasn't long when the higher-ups took notice of his exceptional skills, natural leadership & battle experience, that he was made an Admiral in training within three months of his enlistment.

Reiner & Mikasa had to spend the first few months apart and that made the newlyweds miss each other even more.

During this temporary separation, Reiner and Mikasa had been writing love letters to each other, everyday without fail. Karina made sure that her daughter-in-law would never feel alone & she always helped Kiyomi in supporting the empress-to-be so it would not be a lonely, isolated period for Mikasa while she's being separated from Reiner.

Reiner & Mikasa were only reunited a week before their enthronement, which was held six months after they arrived in Hizuru. Everyone of their loved ones in Fort Salta's residence had been invited as the royal guests. Despite having challenging pregnancies as former female shifters, Annie and Pieck wouldn't miss the opportunity to support Mikasa & Reiner's historical day as they officially become the new age imperial monarch of the East Sea country. Pieck went into an early labor during the visit. Jean & Pieck's eldest son was born in Hizuru.

Enthronement & the royal Azumabito (Ackerman-Braun) family legacy

Mikasa's royal title is Her Imperial Highness Empress Mikasa of Azumabito.

Reiner's royal title is His Imperial Highness Reiner Braun Consort to Empress Mikasa.

The first night after Mikasa & Reiner's enthronement, they conceived the firstborn heir to the throne - His Imperial Highness Prince Ryuujin Marcel Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito. In the following years, they were also succeeded by twin princesses, Her Imperial Highness Princess Reina Mathilde Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito & Her Imperial Highness Princess Ryoko Minerva Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito and the second crown prince, His Imperial Highness Prince Ren Mathias Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito.

Mikasa will then make history as the first royal empress who had built the greatest legacy & the strongest, peaceful empire in the world. She is the global icon of world peace & female empowerment, with her husband's neverending love & support.

Reiner is known in history as not only as one of the World's heroes & Eldian consort to the Hizurian empress, but he is the first non-Hizurian naval leader who unites three major nations in the world - through his battlefield intelligence & military prowess.

Under Levi Ackerman's watchful tutelage, Reiner & Mikasa's four children (consecutively their descendants that followed after) have become existential symbol of humanity's unity through the four major bloodlines running through their veins : Hizurian, Ackerman, Marleyan & Eldian from their parents. Each child becoming successful scholars who would continue to fight for humanity in their respective chosen fields; Prince Ryuujin in military & global peace efforts, Princess Reina in women's studies, Princess Ryoko in medicine & Prince Ren in industrialism - all fortifying the legacies their parents have inspired them with growing up.

------------------

I truly had fun in working on this. Just imagining such potential future for my two beloved characters never fails to leave an everlasting warmth in my heart. Even if 139 may not promise a future for Reiner & Mikasa, I'd hope this vision would offer a much-needed comfort for my fellow RK shippers ❤🫂 xoxo

[gone-series-orchid]

1900s au

coates is an elite boarding academy for high-class troubled youths

perdido beach school is a poor run-down schoolhouse that houses kids from ages 5 to 16. usually just keeps kids busy and out of trouble, not much educating going on; lots of dropouts due to kids having to work for their families’ farms, lots of delinquency (hence orc and his gang)

coates is (mostly) white-only, as is perdido beach; there’s a separate school for black students that’s even dingier and more useless than the latter, so many kids choose not to go/are educated at home

sam and his mother are struggling to make ends meet; connie latches onto whatshisname (the guy sam burned prior to the fayz), a lower-class gentile, partially as a means of racial assimilation and partly because he has marginally more money than they do

instead of driving a runaway school bus, sam takes control of the spooked horses when hitching a ride with his peers to school on the back of a neighbor’s cart; maybe he’s good with horses in this au lol

it’s rumored that astrid’s mother once was very rich but her family fell on hard times, resulting in her marrying the lower-middle class mr. ellison. astrid is still admired by her teacher, as she’s regularly top of the class in every subject, but the ellisons don’t have the money to send her to a school where her intellectual gifts would be appreciated, especially when considering her little brother’s “idiocy” (yes, that was the term back then)

little pete has been examined by the town doctor multiple times and the ellisons have wondered about putting him in an asylum for his own good, but astrid believes she can get through to him if she reads enough about the budding field of psychology

quinn is a dandy perhaps who dresses above his station. but he’s like 14 so it’s not a massive faux pas yet

diana is the only daughter of a rich family who immigrated to california from mexico generations ago. though she’s lived there her whole life, she’s still considered an outsider due to her heritage. still, because of her family’s money (and, more importantly, her being white-passing), she’s accepted at coates. diana keeps her grades up and keeps outwardly away from trouble, knowing she has her family’s reputation on her shoulders and not wanting any sort of delinquency to be attributed to her race

her quick wit and sharp tongue make enemies of the other kids at coates, who are quick to spread salacious rumors about the foreign-looking “latin” girl

mary is the daughter of a poor, religious family with many children (including her brother john). as such, she tends to lend the teacher a hand and mother the younger kids at school. she still secretly struggles with bulimia

edilio is pretty much the same i think? unfortunately his experience of being a honduran immigrant derided by racist whites is pretty universal

dekka’s family was lucky enough to gain the friendship of a wealthy white benefactor sometime before she was born, hence how she was sent to coates despite being black in circa 1900. ostracized by her white peers, dekka quietly tries to fade into the background until the fayz forces her and so many others into action

computer jack is obsessed with uh potato-powered lightbulbs or something

drake is a rich boy who likes to kill small animals and menace his peers. his grandpa’s really mad about the confederacy losing the civil war

orc and howard are still best friends, they skip school together and sleep in abandoned railway cars like vagabonds, united by their poverty. they’re a couple of huck finns only grungier and sadder

howard’s family life is still very good but he hates going to his designated school. he’s too smart to go to it, he tells his parents, who just want him to have a good life despite their poor circumstances

orc’s parents are severely racist so he has to keep his friendship with howard secret. his dad’s the laughingstock of the town, its signature lower class alcoholic lout who’s abusive to his family

astrid tries to influence orc to do better in school through her tutoring. she’s the only member of the junior temperance movement of perdido beach [which she of course created] and secretly tries to influence him to keep his father from drinking so much. he regularly misses her lessons until she starts bringing food along with her. after that he listens to her and of course is touched by her kindness and intelligence

when all the adults and kids over 15 disappear, chaos reigns, strict 18th century class/race/gender lines dissolve inadvertently despite caine’s desperate attempts to preserve them (he wants diana to be his queen despite her race bc lol hypocrisy). he wants to be king so he can bring everything back to normal, which for him means being a privileged rich prep boy

everyone is of course shocked by the reveal that sam and caine are brothers, none so more than caine himself, who is aghast at the fact that he’s ethnically jewish. sam’s just like 🙄

let’s be real astrid also, as a devout christian with a self-righteous streak living in circa 1900, would be antisemitic despite insisting that she’s not. she may be in denial about falling in love with sam. but then she’d get over it eventually probably

[chidoroki]

The Promised Neverland S2EP1

aka: when you scream into the void and it finally answers back, because AAAHHH IT’S HERE! IT’S ALL HAPPENING!! HELL YES!

Here I am, trying my best to breathe normally, and the kids are having just as much trouble doing the same as they run for their lives.. this is wonderful.

“It’s fine! Think of it as a game of tag!” Oh my sweet daughter, I waited so long to hear your voice again.

But wow we’re starting with a wild demon chase right off the bat? No Isabella scene?.. should I be concerned?

OP I waited so anxiously for you, please blow me away.

How they used the flowers and vida to represent the human and demon bodies respectively was real nice.

Ohhh and they used that scene from the “Zettai Zetsumei” ending too!

Wow, they aren’t holding back the idea of children being food huh.

They even teased Norman with a fully bloomed vida flower.. how cruel.

Leslie and Conny aww.

Mujika, Phil and Isabella with her hair down aahh yesss!

Peter? Hello?? Don’t you show up much later?

Emmaaaa!! And her hair is braided already?

Ahh it is! She has the hairclips! She doesn’t get those until she meets Sandy at Goldy Pond though.. Cloverworks, please. you better not be getting my hopes up for nothing, I swear.

I’m surprised to see all the escapees wearing the shelter jackets though. The.. SHELTER! JACKETS! Bunker dad incoming!

Fucking hell girl, why must you be so beautiful??

And my boy Ray!! Yeess!

They left that large space beside Emma as a reminder that Norman is no longer around anymore huh.. ow my heart.

I vibe with “Identity” so much.. I love it. The sequence was beautiful. You’re winning me over so far Cloverworks.

Now that I finally moved on from watching the OP several times.. hello children! And vida flowers..

Haahaha the way Lanni just falls like that from the tree.. I’m dying.

Aw Emma sweetheart, you’re already pushing yourself too much.

Okay, Ray didn’t bonk her on the head with the water but the reaction she gave along with her facial expression was great, so I’ll let that change slide.

Also, my son!! I missed you so much!

“Sorry, Emma.” Bro, his voice was so soft when saying that!

“As long as you’re alive and smiling, that’s all I need.” aaah.. AND HIS FUCKING SMILE AFTER SHE SAYS THAT! OH MY GOD!

“Emma.. I’ll live. I’ll live and protect this family. Everyone in this family, just like you. This time, for sure, I swear. No matter what happens, I’ll never abandon them again.” They really had him say it all. The entire thing.. yeeesss! Character development at its finest btw!

“So don’t bear this burden alone.” *glances at ch180*

It’s been a half hour since I started this episode and yet I’m only 5 minutes in.. help.

“Southeast?” “Between south and east.” “Gilda, I know that much.” I love this little addition between them so much.

They also included Don and Gilda into this scene with the pen.

And the pen actually has a map now? It was Ray who figured out how the number/letter sequence worked in the manga in terms of location but here Emma just touched the screen and a map appeared.. hmm, I’m conflicted.

The younger kids are watching all this now too.

“I miss Norman.” Aww Alicia.. and everyone else is adorable too.

Ahh the new soundtracks hit different.

They really are including the other kids into the story more.. for a while it was usually just Emma & Ray figuring stuff out.

“And we’ll find more allies, then go back for Phil and the others!” *deep sigh*

Honey, I’m begging you, please take a moment to relax!

Hey there demons.

No wonder they get chased so soon, they have their lanterns lit at night making them such easy targets.

Ah, so this is the scene where that screenshot of Ray & Emma came from.

Oh yeah, y’all better fucking run.

Cgi demon looks odd, but then again demons aren’t supposed to look normal regardless, so it’s okay.

They changed how they introduced the snakes of alvapinera huh.

Hold up, we’re already on ch42? Right now? Okay wow..

“Who’s the better one at tag?” “You are.” Aaaaha.

Aw man, I thought Ray was finally going to start a fire once he threw that lantern and having it break.

Ah, and that’s where the blood splatter from the preview came from, the GF demon slaying the wild one.

“The others are already dead.” Look at his smug face! I LOVE HIM!

Aww Jemima is worried about our boy.

Rossi, you’re such a sweet child.

I’m sorta glad they didn’t show her completely passing out, but EMMA!!

Oh sweet lord, Mujika! We’re meeting you already??

They did a great job making this scene have an eerie feel though.

Aw, the scarf!

Goddamn, they made Ray look so out of breath and winded.. nice!

Okay, but the way he fell though.. sorta prefer how determined he was to try and take another step despite him struggling to do so in the manga rather than having him just.. fall over like that.

But Sonju coming in clutch!

Are we for real already at ch45 and gonna get the Rayemma hug? oh my god.

They’re gonna end the episode with Ray questioning our demons friends, aren’t they..

My poor boy is spooked.

LOOK HOW RELIEVED HE IS WHEN SHE FINALLY WAKES UP!

THE DAMN HUG! IT HAPPENED! SOMEONE HOLD ME I FEEL SO SOFT RIGHT NOW!

But why no head pat though hmm?

I’m surprised they actually remembered the bell.

He held out his arm out to shield her.. aww.

This music.. sounds good. Anndd it just got better.

Yup, figures they would end the episode there.

Okay ending song, make me emotional.

Oh? We’re seeing more of the outside world alongside Sonju & Mujika?

Wow, and hello to all the kids being shipped out.

And some quick glimpses of the sisters and mothers too.

I really like the art style they have going on here.

Interesting.. also, no Isabella scene? At all? Oh no..

And I just realized they completely left out the entire snakes of alvapinera scene.. hm.

But yeah, this is going way quicker than I originally thought.. I don’t want to get my hopes up in case GP doesn’t happen, but at this pace, hey, who knows.

I can’t believe I got three of my favorite demon forest scenes in the first episode.. fucking wild dude.

Now I can relax.. by finally diving into the tags and consuming every bit of good food available! Finally aboard the hype train!

[wolfinshipclothing]

Summary: I need to hurry up, she kept thinking. Any minute now, her dad could come home early, tired from a lazy dayshift. Or her mom could drop with the excuse she forgot something, and use the opportunity to check out on her daughter. Her independent, smart and intelligent daughter. Then Connie would have to explain to her what said daughter was doing sitting on her bed, in her bathrobe, fresh from the shower, holding a blood-stained shirt over her forearm, with a pair of scissors resting at her side.

The same pair of scissors that went missing a month ago, by the way.

Excerpt:

But what about you? You never tell me what's up," said Steven and Connie perceived the sourness. "How's cram school going?"

"It's going," she said flatly.

"That's good. How about Lion? I haven't seen the little rascal since forever."

"You know him. He comes and goes as he pleases."

"Right, right." Silence. She wished Steven would stop asking questions and just talk. "Connie, are you alright? You sound a bit under the weather; and I am the one about to be soaked."

Steven's attempt at humor was ignored; the red lines over Connie's arm caught all her attention. There was not a discussion inside her head. There was a whole fucking debate, with a hundred people committee and a chairman that was chewing her nails as she waiting for the lunch break.

"I don't know," she said, choosing simple words.

"What do you mean? Did something happen or…?"

"It's just one of these days, you know?"

Steven's silence asked her to elaborate. The cuts of her arms seemed to shine brighter, mocking her for her weakness.

Welp, i came crawling back from my hole with this fic. Mind you its a very angsty, sensible fic bout self-harming and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I wrote this because 1) its always Steven the one that is hurting and needs helps, and Connie the one who is there to put him back on his fic. Few times i have seen the opposite.

And 2) this has been a shitty year. To everyone in the world, obviously. Just have been very garbage to me. Or maybe I AM the one who was being garbage to myself. In any case, i haven’t been feeling well, and decided to write up my feelings into the characters i am currently hyper-fixating on.

Is it healthy? Who knows! But it DID made me feel better. I hope this fic, if it doesn’t trigger some catharsis in you guys, at least entertain you all for a while.

Anyway, that’s all. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year folks.

(You can also read it in Fanfiction, btw)

"You might imagine that a person would resort to self-mutilation only under extremes of duress, but once I'd crossed that line the first time, taken that fateful step off the precipice, then almost any reason was a good enough reason, almost any provocation was provocation enough. Cutting was my all-purpose solution." —Caroline Kettlewell, "Skin Game".

Connie’s mind was beyond herself; far, far away, where she couldn’t reach it. Her body was heavy; lead weight held together by rusted tin bolts. And Connie was trapped inside it, with no company but the stinging pain on her arm and the weight of the shirt she kept against it.

How long have I been like this? She wondered. It felt like hours. Her legs were like paper; where she not sitting on her bed, she would have already plummeted to the floor.

I need to hurry up, she kept thinking. Any minute now, her dad could come home early, tired from a lazy dayshift. Or her mom could drop with the excuse she forgot something, and use the opportunity to check out on her daughter. Her independent, smart and intelligent daughter. Then Connie would have to explain to her what said daughter was doing sitting on her bed, in her bathrobe, fresh from the shower, holding a blood-stained shirt over her forearm, with a pair of scissors resting at her side.

The same pair of scissors that went missing a month ago, by the way.

Connie lifted the shirt. The bleeding had stopped. The cuts were all dry out now —probably had been for a few minutes— but they still shined with a disgusting color. The marks from last time were underneath; red rivers over dried out canals. Feral slashes over healed scars.

Connie dropped her head onto her hands, elbows on her knees, and applied pressure over her temples. That usually helped her think.

“Stupid,” she said with a sore voice. “Stupid, stupid. You always do the same.”

Connie’s harming habit have come, less like a metaphorical descent into madness and more like a —also metaphorical— walk down a descending staircase, where each step would disappear behind you, leaving you no choice but to go further down, into the dark.

It gradually became a routine. If she’d messed up a test, she would spend all night studying the subject. If she’d snapped at her mom in a moment of hormonal-fueled rage, she would skip dinner —breakfast too, if possible. If she’d been so absorbed in her own world she’d ghosted her friends, she would train with her sword until her palms were all blistered. Small pinches of pain she could administer, in measurable doses and only when it was justified.

It was astounding how quickly she lost sight of what was measurable and justified.

But the real aggravating part of it, in Connie’s opinion, was how much of her time it takes. It’d taken her a whole morning of self-loathing for the static to take over her body. Once it did, she lost control and started attacking her outer forearm with swift, brutal slashes, instead of the controlled cuts she usually administered. When she saw what she’d done, she panicked and reached for her neatly folded white shirt. What a waste. She had barely bled a few fat drops, yet it was more than enough to ruin her favorite shirt.

She’d been quiet since then, holding the soon-to-be-rag over her arm and trying to grasp her slippery psyche at the same time. She could feel her body, but she wasn’t in it. Her brain was working itself to death, but she’d no control over its thoughts. Like Schrodinger’s cat, it was like she was there and not there at the same time. Alive and Dead. Connie has come to call this dissociative state ‘the limbo’. And she was knees deep in it now. And it must be past noon already!

If I could make my butt to get up and clean up this mess, maybe I could sit down and have some work done. Otherwise, this would be a lost day.

The thought loomed over her. A lost day. She couldn’t let that happen. Now she just had to find a way to get out of the fog of her mind…

The phone ringed. Connie as much as jumped from the bed, dropping the shirt and scissors on the floor. She reached for her phone on the table.

BISCUIT

Just left the hotel and hit the road. The engine sounds like it’s about to choke to death, tho. I hope it doesn’t break before reaching New Orleans. Call me when you have a break! Love you!

Connie sighed; her heart’s palpitations echoing in her ears. How ridiculous! Jumping to grab her phone as if she’d been caught. Like some bad horror movie; someone on the other side would said ‘you have been seen’ and then hang up, leaving Connie panicking like a fool. Ridiculous!

She grabbed the scissors and the shirt with one hand, the phone with the message she ought to respond in the other. She glanced at the bed; the sheets were wet, she ought to change those. Her arm was still stinging; she ought to treat the wounds. Also, she ought to get properly dressed. And her test was still on the desk, waiting for her…

Connie groaned and gravitated naturally towards the bed and felt into it. She’d never had trouble compartmentalizing before. She also had never been in the limbo this long before, however.

She found herself thinking of Steven; living on the open road, driving that tank with radio he calls ‘car’, doing whatever he wants, going whenever he wants to go —previously checking his rigorous list of places to go. Being whoever he wants to be.

This made Connie mad. She didn’t want to be mad. She rotated her phone in her hand several times, thinking.

I could call him, she thought. You are supposed to reach out when… in situations like this, right?

Her stomach grumbled with acid reflux. She definitely didn’t want to talk to Steven —nor anyone else, really. But hearing a friendly voice could be what she needs to get back on her feet.

She pressed the name on the screen and put the phone on speaker. It rang. Please don’t pick up, please don’t…

Schick.

“Hey Connie! What’s up?”

“Hey Steven. Are you busy?” she asked.

“Not at all. The road’s pretty calm. I think there is a storm coming though; there are some mean-looking clouds above me,” said Steven, a bit uncertain. “Are you on your break?”

In a manner of speaking. “Yeah. I just thought… you know, checking out on you.”

“Making sure I didn’t pick any new hitchhiker? I’ll let you know I haven’t done that since Miami Beach,” he laughed. “Seriously though, you should have seen the motel I crashed last night. ‘Sir-sleep-a-lot’ was the name, and it was great. There’d a real-looking imitation sword and shield above the bed! That’s the stuff you won’t see in any fancy-brand hotel.”

Connie smiled briefly. Despite everything that’d happened to Steven —and he really broke the limit of shit that could happen to a person—, he was still the same kind-hearted boy that got emotional over the simpler stuff.

“But what about you? You never tell me what’s up,” said Steven and Connie perceived the sourness. “How’s cram school going?”

“It’s going,” she said flatly.

“That’s good. How about Lion? I haven’t seen the little rascal since forever.”

“You know him. He comes and goes as he pleases.”

“Right, right.” Silence. She wished Steven would stop asking questions and just talk. “Connie, are you alright? You sound a bit under the weather; and I am the one about to be soaked.”

Steven’s attempt at humor was ignored; the red lines over Connie’s arm caught all her attention. There was not a discussion inside her head. There was a whole fucking debate, with a hundred people committee and a chairman that was chewing her nails as she waiting for the lunch break.

“I don’t know,” she said, choosing simple words.

“What do you mean? Did something happen or…?”

“It’s just one of these days, you know?”

Steven’s silence asked her to elaborate. The cuts of her arms seemed to shine brighter, mocking her for her weakness.

“I’m doing badly,” Connie said quickly. “I’m feeling real bad right now and I don’t even know why,” she added, only half-lying.

There was a long mmm on the other side of the line.

“Alright. I’m going home,” said Steven.

Connie’s heart started to race. “You can’t do that. You are driving... a-and your schedule-”

“I’ll just park on a side of the road. There are some nice trees I can park under. Then I’ll call Lion and be there in a flash.”

No, no, NO. “Steven, you really don’t have to.”

“It’s no problem at all! I want to be with you-“

“Steven, I don’t want to see you, OK!” Connie bolted upright, sitting on the bed. “Nobody asked you to do anything! Why do you always have to make things about yourself?”

Silence. A gust of wind came from the window, chilling Connie to the bones. She squeezed her left hand until it hurt. The scissors were still there. She glanced at her right arm; smooth and clean of any mark. Connie was right handed, but she could make an exception.

The thought alone shook her to her core, making her open her palm. The scissors felt with a clink-clank. She brought the phone closer to her face.  

“Please,” Connie muffled a choke with her free hand, “please don’t go. Can you just talk to me?”

More silence, and there was a moment in which Connie knew ‘this is it, my best friend hates me forever’. But then there was a sliding noise, and the rumble of dirt being removed. There was also a distant boom; a storm was about to drop.

“I stopped the car,” said Steven. “I’m here for you, if you want.”

Great. It’s not like that’ll deepen Connie’s guilt.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. Dark walls were closing around her, and the only source of light was her phone and the person on the other side. Obstinate tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Please don’t say that. I know… you know that’s not true,” Steven measured each word as he spoke. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, “I’m just being a big baby, that’s all.” No answer. He’s not gonna make it easy for her, is he? “I’m mad. Really mad.”

“Mad at me?”

Connie grumbled as an answer. She heard Steven’s struggle to swallow.

“Right. Not about me.”

“Exactly,” she said, although it was a half truth.

“I’m mad at myself,” she proceeded. “I’m mad because I fail at everything I do.” Connie took several breaths. Here comes the bomb: “I flunked at my practice college entrance test.”

More silence.

“Go on,”

“Aren’t you gonna say its stupid?” she asked cautiously. She’d expected a scoff, a snicker. Maybe even some laughter.

“I’m listening,” Steven insisted.

Connie tried to put some verbal sense in the ball yarn that was her mind.

“I really flunked it, you know,” she said, waiting —hoping— for a reprimand. “Even the stuff that I’ve studied and re-studied.”

“But it was just a practice test. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything, Steven,” she cried. “If I’d taken it today, I would have gotten a garbage grade.”

Connie cleaned the tears away with the back of her hand. The gust coming from the window was making her shiver. Her wet hair and the soaked sheets were not helping either.

“It like everything I had done, all the hard work I put into it was for nothing,” she said. “Everything feels so pointless.”

“I don’t think it was,” said Steven, carefully. “Even if you failed, you still practiced for the real one. Don’t give up. Going to college was your dream.”

“Was it? I don’t really know.” Connie bit her lip. “No, that’s a lie. I do want to go to college. I just wonder if it’s worth it. I mean, what’s the point of trying so hard if I fail anyway? Do you have any idea how many nights I lost for this? O-or how many times I had to put my friends on hold because I was busy studying?”

She stopped. She felt as if her breath was stolen from her.

“Of course you do,” she sighed. “And it was all for nothing. I failed at this as I fail at everything else.”

“What is ‘everything else’?”

Her blood was freezing cold, as was her answer. “You know.”

There it was again; the roar of thunder, followed by the sound of a million drops falling down. It was starting to rain somewhere.

“Connie,” said Steven, on the verge of shattering. “Have you been thinking about Homeworld?”

Connie clenched her free hand, her teeth, and everything else that required physical exertion.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be.”

“I know I have no right to feel bad about it. You are the one who suffered the most from it-”

She was cut by her own throat shutting down, and for a moment only tiny hiccups came out. There was a blinding, white rage inside her. It commanded her to grab her sword and slash, lunge and cut all her problems away. But she didn’t. She stood still and cried.

“But I was there too. I saw what White did to you and I couldn’t do anything.” Connie gasped for air. “I trained so hard for nothing. When you needed me I… I failed you.” She stopped to gasp and clean her tears. “H-how can I know I won’t be a mess in everything else I do, that I won’t flunk on my first year of college? Studying was the only thing I was good at and… and I’m not even good at it anymore and just…”

She stopped to let the tears roll freely. It was too much; too much weight, too many tears. Everything was in the air now. All her failures, all her fears, like an enveloping toxic cloud around her; it’d always been there, but now someone else could see it. In the middle of her wailing, she caught Steven’s concerned voice.

“Connie, can you hear me?”

It could be easy to hang up now, forget this ever happened, and call back when she was strong and put together. ‘Hey Steven, sorry about that, everything is better now’. But Connie couldn’t do that —not to him. She mumbled a reply.

“Alright. I want you to breathe with me, OK? Can you do that?”

Well, that’s easy for him to ask. He’s not the one hyperventilating. And to think many times she’d said the same, when Steven was going through a panic attack. How the turntables indeed.

She knew the instructions to the letter, but she coordinated them to Steven’s voice. Four seconds inspiration. Hold it for seven seconds. Eight seconds exhalation. They repeated it until every corner of Connie’s mind was occupied with this routine.

“Feeling better?” Steven asked.

Connie noticed she wasn’t crying anymore and with one last sniff she said: “A bit.”

“Good. Now I want you to listen,” said Steven. “First, just because I was the one who was attacked doesn’t mean I got the monopoly on trauma.” He stopped to see if his joke caused any effect. ”What I mean to say is, that day was… it was a literal hell for all of us. Maybe more to me than to the gems, but it was so for you too because, like you said, you were there with me.”

“Which brings me to the second point: nothing of what happened in Homeworld, or that happened to me, to us, was your fault,” Steven said, firmly and fluently, like a practiced speech. “And there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I know you are mad because you couldn’t take a swing at White’s giant nose…”

Connie laughed. She imagined Steven raising a triumphant fist into the air.

“But you did help me. You carried me to… to me! If I’m alive now, it’s because of you. And I should…” Steven stopped. Connie could see him, hand on his mouth, trying to hold the tears back and be the rock she needed. She knew that feeling too well. “I should’ve told before how much you did to me. You saved my life back then, a-and then you saved me again, months ago, when I got corrupted.”

Connie gasped. Steven never brought that topic unprompted, and he never called it for what it was. It was always ‘the incident’.

“You were there for me since day one,” Steven laughed dryly. “Actually, I should be the one apologizing. You had to go through all of that because of me.”

“I wanted to do it,” Connie retorted. “I wanted to go through all of that with you.”

“That doesn’t make it right. It wasn’t fair.”

Connie huffed. They were scratching the surface of a deeper conversation. Because Connie was mad for wanting to go to Homeworld so bad, and for all the times her life was in danger before that. And she was mad at her parents —what were they thinking? They shouldn’t have let Connie run around with a sword, fighting a war that wasn’t her own; they should have locked her up until she was eighteen. Damn, she was mad at the whole Universe for needing to be saved. They were kids! Stupid kids who didn’t knew better than to take such a task over their shoulders.

And deep down, in a corner she dared not to look, she was mad at Steven. Because from the first day they meet, he chose her. To be his friend, his partner-in-crime, his… And in an even deeper place, Connie was mad at herself. Because she had chosen Steven too, and if it came to it, she would do it all again. Back then, in the middle of the chaos, with the fear of death and the threat of the destruction of the Earth as her everyday bread and butter, life made sense.

But now the war was over, and the books Connie studied so much felt as unreal as any fantasy novel. How do you go back to being normal after having a destiny?

Connie let her head fall back and softly touch the wall. She was far too tired to shine light on those darks corners. She just wanted to rest. She was half-way napping when Steven’s voice brought her back.

“Connie? Connie, are you there? Please talk to me.”

Connie slapped herself awake. “I’m here Steven. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said, as convinced as anything. “How about you?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“But I do.”

“Well I… I worry about you!” Steven protested. “So I guess we are in a loop here.”

That comment wasn’t particularly funny, but Connie started to laugh; a short, weak laugh that grew up to be a roar. On the other side, Steven laughed too.

“Oh man. This sure feels familiar doesn’t it?” said Steven, and eased a bit on the laughter. “I guess you are better at making me feel better than I am doing it for you.”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself so short. I do feel better. A little,” she confessed. “I’m sorry you had to deal with me being dumb. I don’t know what came over me.”

Steven was quiet for a while. When he spoke again, it was with the clearness of a professor giving class.

“Connie, do you remember one of the first things Dr. A. told me when I started therapy?

“Life sucks?” She heard Steven breathing raggedly, trying not to laugh.

“That is the first thing,” he said in a short breath, “but I mean the second first thing.”

Connie scratched her head. “The thing about the pond?”

“The frozen lake,” he corrected. “She said that, for people with depression —not saying you have it— or have gone through some trauma —again, not pointing fingers—, anxiety is like a frozen lake. Every day you bring new problems to the lake; little, everyday stuff that’s not too heavy. Then some days you bring heavier stuff, and the ice starts to crack, but you don’t notice because you hide the heavy stuff under the lighter stuff. Finally one day, you bring a new little problem and you put it on top of the pile. You know what happens next?”

“The ice breaks?”

“It breaks,” said Steven, like a satisfied lecturer. “It breaks and you fall in the frozen water, with all of that heavy shit you have been hiding.”

Connie’s hand grabbed the front of her bathrobe. She was still not used to hearing Steven Cutie Pie DeMayo Universe curse —even if she was the one who taught him the coolest words (besides Amethyst, of course).

“I remember the story now,” Connie scratched her head, feeling the hard knots of her hair. “I always thought it was a bit complex as a metaphor.”

“My point is-“

“Why not use a house of cards? Every anxious thought is a new card, and as you pile them up, the house loses stability. Finally, one day, it just falls under its own weight,” Connie explained with renewed vigor. “See? It paints a much clearer picture.”

“The point, Miss Wiseguy,” grunted Steven, and Connie could see him folding his arms. “Is that if you don’t want the ice to break-“

“Or the house of cards to fall.”

“Or the house of cards to fall,” he conceded, “you have to deal with that heavy stuff before you are overwhelmed. You don’t need to do that now,” he added, predicting her complain. “But at some point, you will need to talk to someone. Your parents or your friends… Or I can give you Dr. A.’s number. She knows everything we went through.”

“That ought to save me some time,” she said. “Maybe she’ll give me a discount card of ‘Friends of Steven Universe’.”

“See? Now you are being positive,” Steven laughed.

Connie smiled sadly. “What about you?”

“I’ll always be here for you. By phone, video chat, or to visit you… If you want me to,” he whispered that last part.

“Only if you promise to not turn into a Kaiju when we start exposing my inner demons.”

“Ha ha,” he said robotically. “I’ll assume by your sarcasm that you are the same old Berry now.”

Connie mulled about it for a few seconds. The cloud of anxiety was slowly banishing, and she no longer felt the claustrophobic walls closing around her.

“Yes, I’m good now. Thanks to yo-aaah” a loud, long yawn took over her. “Sorry. Guess I’m more worn out than I thought.”

“Yeah, I can tell… Have you really not been sleeping at all?”

“Unless you count passing out of tiredness as sleeping,” she joked.

“Ah,” said Steven. “Have you been, well… you know?”

Connie didn’t answer. She knew what he meant, but she’d no voice to say it.

“Connie, have you been hurting yourself?”

“This conversation is hurting me.”

“Connie.”

The phone vibrated and got hot to the touch, before cooling down real fast. Connie’s head vibrated too, like a snow globe being shaken. Steven’s control over electric devices had been growing.

She lifted her arm to look at the cuts; they still stung, although she hasn’t been paying attention to it. All the slashes were dry and had a dull color.

Fuck it, why not?

“Just a few cuts,” she said flatly, “with my mom’s scissors.”

There was silence for a while, but Steven’s was still there; his breath was ragged and odd. Has he turned pink? Did Connie throw him into a panic attack?

Finally, he spoke: “Connie, I need you to do me a favor.”

Oh boy, that doesn’t sound good at all. “What is it?”

“Throw those scissors away.”

Connie pursed her lips. “Steven, I can’t do that. My mom would be mad,” she said, although it was a poor excuse. If Connie cared about her mother’s feelings, she wouldn’t have stolen the scissors in the first place.

  “I know. I don’t pretend to tell you what to do,” he said, measuring his words like a baker measures flour, “but it’s something that helped me a lot. I mean, when I was in a bad place, I would go into these blank moments when I wasn’t thinking at all.” Connie nodded. He was talking about the limbo. “When I started therapy, I was told to try to be more conscious of myself. More present. So when I felt I was, you know, getting in the mood,” Steven groaned at his own choice of words, “I would take a step back and do something different. We can’t always control our situation or our mood or even our actions, but we can make small changes to have some power over ourselves.”

The way Steven spoke in plural said that he wasn’t doing vain motivational talk; he was talking from a place he’d been in… and maybe still was. Connie remembered sitting on Steven’s bed, trying to cheer him up to eat or step outside and get some fresh air. She also remembered coming home, locking herself in the bathroom and taking a long shower while she cried.

Connie held onto that thought and sat on the bed. She picked the scissors with her free hand and put that memory in them. She also put the memories of White Diamond, the monsters’ attack on Beach City, the arguments with her mother. All her anger, her insecurities, her fear of not knowing who she was— she grabbed all of it and put it into a ball, one she was carrying in her throwing hand. She extended her arm all the way behind her back. And when the wind blew the curtains opens, she propelled her arm forward like a whip.

The scissors —and metaphorical ball— broke free of her hand, made a straight line and finally flew out of the window; out of sight.

Connie stood still, catching her breath. The first thing she noticed was that her chest, while still swelling with anger, felt notably lighter. The second thing was Steven’s voice calling her from the phone. The final thing she noticed made her scream:

“Holy shit!”

“What? What happened?” she heard Steven calling to her.

“I threw the scissors out of the window!”

“…WHAT?”

Connie dashed towards the window, holding her bathtub with her free hand, and stuck her head outside.

“Is everyone ok?”

“Yeah… yeah I think so,” said Connie with a relieved breath. “The street is desert at this time. Anyway, I think I can see the scissors. They felt right by the trash can, so maybe I accidentally stabbed a rat?”

Steven was hyperventilating, but he took a break from it to scoff at her. “Now is no time for jokes, missy! Oh man… you could have killed someone! Why did you do that?”

“Because you told me to, you dumb-dumb!”

“I didn’t tell you to throw a sharp object out of the window, you dumb-dumb!”

Connie shook her head. “Forget it, I don’t want to fight.” She leaned against the wall and let gravity slid her to the floor.

“Me neither,” said Steven. The sound of rain was quieter now. “At least did that helped?”

“Yes. Almost killing innocent bystanders always cheers me up.”

“That’s my girl,” Steven laughed and so did Connie, albeit weaker.

Still, she felt better. Her body was recharging energy quickly and her mind was emerging from whatever black hole it had been hiding in.

“I think I can go on with my day now,” she said and she meant it.

“Are you sure?” Steven asked. Connie reaffirmed her decision. “Well, that’s awesome. So… would it be cool if I drop by and check on you?”

Connie’s heart started to race up again as the anxiety came back. Check on you. Like she was sick and she needed to be taken care of.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” she said, firmly. “But later. Definitely later. I’ll call you.”

“But I… OK. Alright, w-we’ll talk later then.”

Steven sounded really bummed out, but Connie could pay it no mind now, lest she wanted to feel down the whole again. “Thanks for everything. And I’m sorry I made you stop in the middle of a storm,” she said.

“Oh it’s not so bad. Kinda weird though,” said Steven. “You know, usually you hide from the rain, lock yourself inside and look at it from the window of your house. But I’m under it right now. The sky is falling around me but I’m as dry as clean clothes. And, I don’t know, it’s beautiful. It makes you appreciate everything there is, even stuff that’s supposed to be ugly. Does it make sense?”

The words struck something deep inside Connie, but whatever meaning Steven was trying to transmit was ignored. She was not in the mood for lessons right now.

“I know what you mean,” she swiftly said. “So I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright then. Please be safe. And call me.”

“I will.”

“Ok… I love you.”

Connie blushed. “Goodbye.” She cut the call. She should have said something else, something more. She didn’t know why she had been in such a rush to hang up.

She just knew saying ‘I love you’ was easier when they weren’t dating.

  With one long, invigorating breath, Connie stood up. She stretched her arms over her head until her bones cracked, then she bended and touched her finger toes until her legs were burning.

With the sudden rush of adrenaline, thinking became easier. The rage was gone and her chest didn’t feel as heavy. Connie has left the limbo, at least for now.

She looked for her phone. Her last study break was one hour ago. Most of that time had been spent talking to Steven. So much time —hers and his— wasted in vain…

Alright Connie, compartmentalize. There’s a lot to do. What comes first? She asked herself. Well, her red, stinging arm would be a good starting point. She headed for her bedroom’s bathroom and closed the door shut.

The bathroom was still mildly warm from the shower she took. The first aid kit was where she left it; resting over the sink, opened. It’s where Connie usually hid the scissors. She hung the bathrobe on a perch and checked the cuts on the mirror. They ran deeper than Connie’s usual handiwork, so she applied the process she used for her training injuries. Soap and water to wash the wounds. Dry well, apply antiseptic to prevent infection and then bandage the whole thing, from the elbow to the wrist. She’ll have to change the bandages after tomorrow at least.

Some petroleum jelly could help the wound heal faster and prevent scarring, and Connie’s mom had some in her first aid kit but she discarded that thought. Explaining to her mom how she got these wounds was out of question.

Connie was about to put the kit away when an idea hit her. She brought the bandages out and applied them over her right arm —her clean, unharmed right arm. There; now if anyone, be it her mom or her friends asked, she could appeal to a training accident. And if her mom wants to check the wound herself, Connie will show her the right arm. Her mom will comment on how well the injury had healed, or she’ll simply believe Connie was overreacting to a minor rash. In any case, she’ll be none of the wiser.

Connie looked at herself in the mirror —naked, except for the bandaged arms. Her reflection smiled sadly. You think you are so cunning, don’t you?

With that done, she left the kit over the sink and tiptoed into her cold room. She went to the wardrobe and chose a long sleeved shirt, some jogging pants, and a sweater.

Next thing were the sheets. They were soaked; perfect to catch pneumonia. Connie started to take them off. She stopped and instead she left her room —with the same feeling as Robinson Crusoe leaving his island—, and headed for the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of juice and drank it like an old man in the desert. She poured another glass and headed back upstairs.

Once in her bedroom, she took off the sheets, rolled them all into a ball and poured the orange juice over the sheets, with extra care as to not wet the mattress. The textile absorbed the juice like a sponge. Finally, she went back downstairs, threw the sheets into the dishwasher and set it on. In the unlikely event her mom questioned Connie about her dropping a glass of juice on the bed; Connie only had to point at the orange colored stains.

They’ll disappear after a few washes, anyway. Ironically, the marks on Connie’s arm might last longer. She entertained the idea of putting her shirt to wash, but she scratched it off. Being a doctor’s daughter, she knew blood stains were a pain to get rid of.

Satisfied with what she had accomplished, Connie’s heart gave a little thud as she approached the door. She didn’t feel like going for a walk, but she’d to recover the, sort of speak, crime’s weapon. She stepped outside and walked aimlessly around the sidewalk for a minute, looking for the scissors. She found them on the floor right next to the trash can. Five inches left and they would have landed on top of the trash. It really makes your mind think.

Or someone else’s mind. Not Connie’s. She didn’t have time to metaphors.

She knelt to pick the scissors. And then she saw them; or rather, they saw her. On the other side of the street, a young couple crossed sights with her. They keep their glance on her for less than five seconds before walking away, laughing. It was enough to throw Connie down a hole. Eyes seemed to materialize out of thin air, staring faces, judgmental glances; all of them pointing at Connie. All of them knew what she’d done. She’d been seen.

Connie dashed inside the house and slammed the door behind her. She felt to the ground, short of breath. That couple must be on their way now, totally oblivious of the effect they caused on Connie, and she can’t blame them; she couldn’t predicted that either. Her social anxiety had been tame for so long, Connie thought it was a thing of the past. That’s another thing to scratch out of her accomplishments list.

Nevertheless Connie had the scissors in her shaking hands, and all she wanted was to put them away.

She stood up and moved around the house exhausted. She picked a pair of clean sheets and went back to her room. She locked the door, shut down the windows and closed the curtains. She breathed out loudly. Now she was unseen and nobody could judge her.

She set the clean sheets on the bed. A strong scent of lavender hit her. Finally, she went to the bathroom; put the scissors inside the first aid kit, under everything else, and put the kit on the back of the cabinet, until next time.

Next time… now that was an upsetting thought.

With everything else done, she just had to get rid of the shirt. She had second thoughts about washing it, since throwing it away would be complicated. Feeling a headache incoming, Connie opened her closet and threw the bloody rag inside. It wasn’t like her to postpone things, but… who was she kidding? This is standard Connie’s stress dealing procedure.

Connie looked at everything she’d done, and felt at peace for the first time that day. Then her eyes felt onto her standing mirror.

Oh no, this won’t do, she thought, meaning her hair. More specifically, the crow nest that had taken over her head and that she usually called hair.

She grabbed her blue hairbrush. Her hair was so entangled the regular ministrations won’t do, so she attacked it with brutal brushing motions. In the meantime, her mind kept producing images. Steven under the heavy rain, checking the soaked engine that broke down when he stopped to talk to her. The disappointed glance of her mom when she finds out all the scheming Connie went through to hide the truth. Her own hands shaking with anxiety as she takes the real test and she realizes she doesn’t know any answers.

She set the brush down. There. Now the image in the mirror was presentable —although some days, Connie wasn’t sure if it was really hers.

“I’m alright,” she said, with a voice that felt alien even to her. “I’ll be fine. I’m a warrior,” she added, more convinced with each word.

She was a warrior. Maybe she’d lost her center, but she could find it. She could be strong again. Once she gets a grip of herself and gets into college, everything will be alright.

Right? Right.

With this new resolution, Connie walked to her worktable. Her failed test was still there. Next to it was the half-done new test she had been working on when the static became too much.

Now, she could keep working and pretend all of this never happened. That this was just a very long study break, that everything she did was normal and healthy. It’s what she was expected to do, right?

Once again she thought of Steven, taking time from his trip to sit down under a deluge to talk to her. Breathe with her, as if they were one.

Connie’s hand reached towards the test… And then went left, grabbed the nearest book and dropped it over the papers.

This can wait… she thought, uncertain.

“This can wait,” she verbalized defiantly to the World.

With that problem done for, she had a free afternoon. She tapped her chin —she hasn’t had this free time in a while.

She picked her phone and flipped through the library. There was this reboot of ‘Crying Breakfast Friends’ that Steven had been bugging her to watch, but she’d been rain checked until she could pass the test. Maybe it’s time to keep the study waiting. She shuddered at that inch of her rebellious younger self taking over.

She picked her earphones and lay comfortable on her fresh, lavender-scented sheets. Five minutes into the first episode and she was cackling and crying with a cartoon about animated fruits while her papers —her physical future— waited on the table. And they’ll keep waiting until tomorrow.

Connie didn’t know if this was a step forward or backwards. But a step’s a step nonetheless; and she was still moving. 

[morfinwen]

10 Facts: Lauren, Ian, Aidan, Ash, Avery, Nate, and Elarin, please!

Here’s your 70 (!) facts:

10 Facts about Lauren

1. She gets along best with her oldest and youngest brothers. She doesn't not get along with her sisters (sometimes), but their relationship can best be described as tolerance, and her closest brother Justin enjoys provoking her.

2. At one point she wanted to learn the flute, as it promised to be easier to carry around than the guitar, or the piano. Her parents couldn't afford to buy one.

3. She tried running away from home once at age eight, and considered making another attempt at age ten. Ian talked her out of it.

4. Her entire family, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and her older siblings' spouses and children, came to her college graduation. Almost all of them made it to the party her parents threw afterward. She nearly cried.

5. Lauren is always uncomfortable around her nieces and nephews -- she has four or five of them -- but if anyone made them cry, she'd punch that person in the face.

6. Knows more about comic book characters than her comic-loving brother Justin, thanks to hearing Ian talk about them in grade school, all the time. All. The. Time. 

7. Got a few part-time jobs in retail in high school. She hated it, but it meant she had enough money to buy clothes that weren't hand-me-downs or from a thrift store, so she grit her teeth and kept at it.

8. She still got fired twice for losing her temper with a customer.

9. She got started smoking because her dad is an occasional smoker. He got diagnosed with lung cancer a few years ago. It's in remission, but despite multiple attempts, he hasn't managed to quit yet.

10. Her mother's had three miscarriages, Lauren was old enough to know about two of them. It's a strange concept, having a sibling that didn't even live to be born.

10 Facts about Ian

1. He has a decided type: tall, confident blonde women of principle. He's fallen in love more than once, though he tends to get over it fairly quickly.

2. Thanks to his dad's need to travel for work, he has funky little souvenirs from 48 states. Lauren has none, though she actually traveled out of state in childhood more than once, and Ian only did once he was an adult.

3. Ian theorizes his terrible sense of navigation comes from his mother, after a fashion. She's perfectly fine with directions, she just has an abysmal grasp of time. She's forever arriving half an hour to two hours late or early to appointments, and she will either take half or twice as long doing something as she says she will.

4. He has fond memories of almost two weeks with just his dad at home, when his mom was helping her parents out after her dad had surgery. They ate out almost every night, thanks to his dad being a nightmare in the kitchen, and he never went to bed on time.

5. Her terrible sense of time aside, bedtime is sacred to his mother, and she's fanatical about her son eating his vegetables. She doesn't know about those two weeks.

6. He once tried to start a dog-walking business when he was twelve. It was a terrible idea. No dogs were lost, but it was a near thing.

7. He's the only child of his maternal grandparents' only child, so they -- particularly his grandma -- tend to dote on him. They also know nothing about any children other than their daughter, so it’s not as great a thing as it might sound.

8. He has several aunts, uncles, and cousins on his dad's side, but Ian's only met one of his uncles once. He doesn't know why, exactly, but he's picked up that his dad had a rough childhood.

9. He talked Lauren out of her second attempt at running away completely by accident: he thought it sounded really cool, but all his suggestions just made it clear to Lauren how unfun it would actually be.

10. Regularly listens to the top 40 in the car, more to keep abreast of what's popular than because he likes it, though it has introduced him to some songs/artists he enjoys. He always has to turn off the radio if Lauren's riding with him.

10 Facts about Aidan

1. A big factor in his identity crisis was that, growing up, he didn't fully recognize he wasn't human. It's obvious now, of course.

2. Tried to enlist in 1941, after Pearl Harbor. He ... doesn't know if he actually served.

3. For as long as he can remember, he's always had this sense of where his sister is. It makes him wonder if his mother is dead, or something like it, since he's never been able to sense her.

4. Aidan generally gets along with Nate pretty well. This is surprising -- or, maybe not? -- given that Aidan has a really hard time understanding the concept of death.

5. Aidan has a lot of trouble with certain concepts in general, like that other people need more than 4-5 hours sleep, he should really let people know before he disappears for a few weeks, and that rules about not touching personal property don't just apply to the things he wouldn't touch anyway.

6. Given the things he's willing to do, or has done, some people might think he has no sense of dignity. He does, he just doesn't care that much.

7. The second-least accepting of having Q in the house, mostly out of a sense of loyalty to Nate, the least accepting. It had nothing to do with Q personally.

8. Until he met Ash, he'd never met anyone who had any idea what species he was. It seems incredibly obvious in hindsight.

9. Considers himself a lapsed Episcopalian.

10. When he finally went back to his hometown, nearly fifty years after he'd left, there was almost nothing left of it. It left him with a greater sense of loss than anything had before. Which wasn't a lot -- very little makes Aidan sad for very long -- but it was notable.

10 Facts about Ash

1. Ash's mother did not know her father, grew up with three sisters, and her own mother had two sisters and no brothers. She fully intended on having a daughter. Having a son was a surprise, but one she adapted to quite well.

2. Until he helped his great-aunt with managing her finances, Ash didn't really know how money worked. As it is, he knows how to make the numbers come out right, but that's pretty much it.

3. His grandmother laid down the law in his house, and even her adult daughters were careful to follow every mandate. She was fair, but stern.

4. Appearance-wise, he takes after his father more than his mother's side of the family, though judging by his aunt Iris that's where his height comes from.

5. He's not as close to his aunt Lily as he is to his mother or aunt Daisy, but whenever he was having a bad day he'd sit in her parlor and listen to her play the piano.

6. He knows he has a few cousins on his father's side, but he's never met them. His dad never figured out how to explain to his family that he had a son with the woman that did "work" on his truck once a year, so they don't even know he exists.

7. Since he knows how to manage Lanzo, most people assume he knows him well. He doesn't. He really doesn't. Lanzo just listens to Ash more than others for some reason.

8. Ash gives the best hugs. Everyone agrees on this point.

9. It sometimes baffles him that someone as intelligent as Connie can forget to eat or sleep.

10. His aunt Iris taught him to read poetry and monologues/soliloquies from Shakespeare aloud. He doesn't do it often, but if he needs to distract himself or someone else, or in certain other rare circumstances, it's quite effective.

10 Facts about Avery

1. Despite all the negatives associated with Anders being a former Grey Warden, Avery is honestly relieved that it makes it unlikely they will ever have children.

2. Avery thinks of Merrill as a younger sister, Aveline as an older one, can't imagine a better drinking buddy than Isabela, and has a great deal of admiration for Fenris after everything he's been through. That said, every single one of them gets on her nerves sometimes, and there have been moments where she wished she had never met them.

3. There's a moment in the game where Fenris implies that Avery might feel negatively about mages, after one murdered her mother. I actually spun around in the game to see if i could yell talk to him after that -- no such luck. Fenris was sent home immediately afterward, and didn't hear from Avery for two weeks. He came very close to never hearing from her again.

4. She relives memories in her dreams, sometimes pleasant ones, sometimes not. It makes mornings difficult, either way.

5. She's not much of a reader, but even if she was she'd never touch Varric's novels about her. She knows they're dramatized, but the idea still makes her uneasy.

6. Isabela never came back after stealing the Qunari relic. Avery never would have handed her over to the arishok -- she respects them as intelligent beings, but no further -- but given everything that happened after that theft, she's not sure she could have forgiven Isabela for it.

7. Her Chantry attendance is not very good, and gets worse over time. She believes in the Maker and Andraste and all that, but not with any passion.

8. She knows nothing about healing, her bedside manner is lacking (unless all you want is witty comments), and she's nowhere near methodical enough to handle medicines and supplies, but she helps out Anders' clinic in whatever way she can.

9. Cats are obnoxious, aloof, oversized rats that make her nose run and her eyes water, but if things in Kirkwall had been slightly more settled at any point, she would have let Anders have as many as he wanted. That's how much she loves him.

10. Growing up, her younger brother Carver got on her nerves, constantly. Apart from the guilt she feels over his death, her biggest regret is that they were never able to forge a better relationship as adults.

10 Facts about Nate

1. His dad died when he was seven. He has no particular memories of the man.

2. Has contemplated probably more than a dozen careers, mostly as a kid -- action movie star, paleontologist, professional skateboarder, astronaut, etc. Didn't settle on audio engineering until his sophomore year of college.

3. Loves both of his younger siblings, but he always got along better with his sister (María) than his brother (Víctor). She's very much the sweet, friendly type, whereas his brother is much more competitive and rebellious.

4. Low-key resents both his father and stepfather for never really being there for him, his stepfather moreso, since he at least had a choice about the distance he kept.

5. His stepfather is a mage, which is why Nate's a ghost now. It takes extensive contact with the occult for a human to remain as a ghost after death.

6. He loves his mama, but she was always anxious, particularly about raising her children in a big city, and a bit smothering. That's part of the reason he moved away for college.

7. He's never been religious, and during college all his friends were calling themselves atheists so he did too. While he's angry with any god that would let him die so young, if an all-powerful deity spontaneously generated that bus specifically to run him down, that would be preferable to learning there's nothing after death, and that his afterlife means as little as his actual life.

8. Knows a bunch of random trivia from watching Jeopardy with his siblings -- there were always reruns when it was too early to go to bed but too late to be outside.

9. He's always made friends easily, made more evident by his ability to build relationships with everyone in the house even in the midst of post-death depression.

10. He and his friends were extras in a movie once, as it was filming at their school. If it's ever on TV, he makes sure to watch the scene where they're skateboarding in the background.

10 Facts about Elarin

1. Like her parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and likely even earlier ancestors, she was born in space, on the freighter her parents worked on: her father was a mechanic, her mother worked in security.

2. She had a lot of siblings, older and younger, but she was the only one to be taken by the Jedi.

3. While she never liked being lied to, it wasn't until she learned how much the Jedi had lied to her about who she was that she developed such a hatred for it.

4. People closer than acquaintances can call her Arin. Her childhood nickname was Ella, but only Bastila, Meaghan, and Carth can call her that.

5. She's always viewed orders by authority as "suggestions". It's caused a few problems.

6. Elarin has a very charismatic presence, drawing a lot of attention and winning people over very quickly. She uses it occasionally, but she's never understood why she has it.

7. She's made the attempt more than once, but she's never managed to fully understand why her previous self fell to the dark side. She isn't sure if that's a good or bad thing.

8. While she's brilliant at war strategy, tactics is one of the few things she's neither excellent or terrible at, and during the wars she had to rely on her advisors to help her with them.

9. She can't remember anything about Malak from before, so all she really knows of him is his Darth Malak self. She still feels guilty about her part in that.

10. Because canon is dumb (and not even canon anymore), Elarin did leave after the events of KotOR 1 to investigate things from her past, but she returned not long after the events of KotOR 2. As far as official records are concerned, however, the former Darth Revan never returned from beyond the Outer Rim, fate unknown.

Thanks for asking!

[moonstone-blues]

A Spark By The River - Chapter 7: Kellogg

"Can you hear me?"

The area was now light. River looked around, examining her surroundings. It was so… unreal. She tried to find her body only to see nothing.

"Loud and clear." River replied though without a mouth to speak, her voice sounded like more of an echo that startled herself once she spoke. Also… 

She sounded like Kellogg.

It nearly knocked her sick hearing that murderer's voice come out of what would've been her mouth. She decided straight away to not dare speak another syllable. 

Amari's voice brought them back to the task at hand. 

"Ah, good. The simulation appears to be working. I'll try to step you through any intact memories, and hope we find one that gives us some clue to the Institute's location."

River soon saw some sort of bridge appear on the ground ahead of her. She looked at it, confused, before she began to follow the path it made. It was a nauseating feeling, both being nothing but being something balancing at the same time. She didn't feel the path beneath her but she didn't feel like she would fall if she moved in the wrong direction. 

As interesting as this was, she couldn't wait to get out. 

Suddenly a scene appeared in front of her. 

"...There. this is the earliest intact memory I can find." Amari's voice echoed.

River cautiously stepped into the memory, ready for anything.

"Remember, you are experiencing these memories as Kellogg. This may prove disorienting at first."

A young boy was sitting on a bed, a woman beside him. There was pounding and yelling coming from a door. The young boy almost seemed frightened at the sound but he was clearly trying his best to act unbothered. The woman was the opposite, seeming to fret and jump with each loud BANG. 

River moved towards the woman, getting a closer look. He had a black eye and a busted lip. It wasn't hard to put the pieces together…

As River leaned closer, the voice of Kellogg boomed as the memory froze.

“Mom knew how it was. She wasn’t soft but she loved me in her way.”

So that boy was Kellogg. For a moment, River had assumed the screaming man was him.

“And she protected me from dad. That cost her more than a few beatings.”

River stepped back. In shock. The memory continued. She could already tell the husband was abusive but to protect Kellogg… She was a hell of a mother.

River heard a distant door slam shut.

The woman looked in the door’s direction before she spoke. “Listen to me, Connie. You take this. You’re old enough.” 

She pulled out a gun. One that River had no trouble identifying as the one she had picked up in Fort Hagen. The child grabbed the gun, looking at it with innocence.

“You’re the man of the family now. It’s your job to protect us. Your father’s useless. But you won’t turn out like him. You’re a good boy.”

River looked down as they continued to talk. He did seem like a sweet kid. The abuse couldn’t be the reason why he turned out the way he did. And his poor mother… River couldn’t image how she’d feel if Shaun had grown up to be some sort of… monster like Kellogg.

Amari’s voice came through. "This doesn't seem to be what we're looking for." The memory seemed to freeze in place. "There appears to be another intact memory close to you in temporal sequence... there."

Another memory appeared a little further away. River tried to make it out from where she was.

"Try that one."

She looked back at the scene she was standing in. As much as she hated Kellogg, she could understand a little about how he got to being such a violent man. River thought back to how her mother would teach her about the human mind. A cycle of violence was natural. But not a sole reason. There was more.

River approached the next memory, still feeling incredibly strange as she traversed between them, and stepped inside. There, Kellogg stood, a grown man. He was cooking what looked to be so radroach meat. Beside him was a woman, doing dishes.

“It’s gonna be fine. You’ll see.”

“But we don’t know anybody here, and now with the baby…”

Wait, baby?

River turned to see a crib in the room. She cautiously approached it. Inside was a healthy looking baby. River was confused. Kellogg’s voice shone some light on the situation.

“Whatever made me think a guy like me should have a daughter… I never deserved her. Not for one second.”

This was Kellogg’s baby. She looked so peaceful… It seemed Kellogg cared about her. Where was she now? Kellogg looked younger than he did when they met. At least twenty years. 

She looked around the fractured building. It was just a regular looking home. A regular family… A partner and child… and he threw it all away for what, the Institute?!

The baby started crying. River turned around, instantly wanting to take care of it. 

“It’s okay, I got it.”

Kellogg walked through River to the crib. She turned to see the woman staring at Kellogg with such a loving expression. This still didn’t explain anything.

"Let's keep looking... I'll connect you to the next intact memory."

River hesitated before moving on, still perplexed. Everything seemed like it got a hell of a lot better. How did Kellogg end up being who he was?

Unfortunately, River soon got her answer. She entered the next memory. It was a very narrow corridor. Kellogg was armed to the teeth, tears in his eyes as he began to walk down, River following him. A voice blared down an intercom.

“How did you think this was going to end, Kellogg?” The voice let out a menacing chuckle. “You thought you could fuck with us, and we wouldn’t fuck with you? Just so you know - They died like dogs. And you weren’t there to help them.”

River stopped in her tracks. Kellogg quickly reloaded his weapon before kicking open a door, screaming and opening fire on whoever was on the other side.

That was it.

River stood there as the memory soon froze. His partner and child. They killed them. That woman was so full of life and the way she looked at Kellogg with such love… And the baby. Oh, God. They killed a baby.

“I’ve found another memory to try. I’ll connect you.”

Amari’s voice brought River back. She begrudgingly moved on, not even paying attention to the next memory. It didn’t have answers, it didn’t matter. The next did feature the Institute, but only an initiation. No answers in that memory either.

Eventually, River came to the next one. She didn’t pay much attention to this one either. But that soon changed when she heard some very familiar sirens. She looked up. 

“Manual override initiated. Cryogenic stasis suspended.” 

River walked right through them. She didn’t care about them. None of them. She looked across each pod. Her friends and neighbours all looked around, confused and scared. She eventually stopped outside Jack’s pod, facing it. He was there, looking around frantically. He was already moving around, holding Shaun against his chest.

“I’m glad I didn’t have to kill the kid. I’m not saying I haven’t done it, but I never like to. But it was better this way. Better than taking his kid and leaving him alive.”

River immediately turned to look at this memory’s version of Kellogg. What the hell was he thinking?! Killing him was better than leaving him alive?! Did the idiot not realise that’s what he put her through?!

River thought. No, he didn't believe that. If he did, he would've killed her too. That was just an excuse so that he didn't feel awful about tearing apart a family like what was done to him. 

He was just as bad. 

Kellogg walked towards her. For a moment, it seemed like he was staring right at River, despite her not having a form here. She would shiver if she could. 

"This is the one, here." The figure, she now knew to be an Institute scientist, declared. 

River backed up, knowing fully well what was about to happen. She couldn't see it again. But she couldn't help but watch as the pod opened. Jack coughed and sputtered as he shielded Shaun from the cold. 

River stood, terrified. The same scene playing out again. 

"I'm not letting you take Shaun!"

River finally came up with the strength to turn away just in time to hear the loud BANG of the gun.  She knew she couldn’t do anything but it still… hurt. She looked up, meeting eyes with a screaming woman in the opposite pod. Herself.  She approached the pod and stared through the glass. The memory of herself pounded on the glass, River hadn't even realised her hands were bleeding slightly from scratching them against the ice. She remembered wondering where the pain came from after she went back to Sanctuary. 

Kellogg's echoey voice then spoke with a tone of hatred and regret.

"I knew it was a mistake keeping her alive."

God. Damn. Right. 

"I understood that kind of revenge, no one better. But I was cocky enough to assume I could handle some pre war Vault dweller, even if she somehow thawed out."

River would've cringed if she could. That bastard thought she was weak. Well now he was dead and she wasn't. 

"At least I know those Institute bastards will soon get what’s coming to them, too. If she could take me out, they won’t be able to hide from her for long..."

Amari sighed, guilt clearly present in her voice as the memory froze. "I'm uh... I'm sorry you had to go through that again. I've found another intact memory. Whenever you're ready."

River made her way to the next memory. She was only a few feet away when Amari spoke once more. 

"Is that... your son?"

River looked ahead, barely making out a figure sitting on the floor. She moved as quickly as possible, practically diving into this new memory.

"This appears to be a very recent memory, so... good news... I think."

River watched the child. He sat there, a smile on his face, a prominent single dimple appearing. He flicked through a comic, River instantly recognising to be of the Silver Shroud. She lowered herself to the child's face, trying to get a closer look at him. He had platinum blonde hair with Amber eyes, much like River. Face wise, he looked almost exactly like Jack did when he was a child. He even had a faint scar on his forehead, starting from above his ear to above his eyebrow.

It was him.

It was Shaun.

"It was one of the old man's pet projects." River heard a voice echo.

She looked up to see Kellogg sitting down in a chair, watching Shaun with a smile. 

River couldn't believe it. The Institute was using him as some sick science fair project!? He was a human being for God's sake; a child!

"Me and the kid, like a happy little family. I ended up kind of liking it. A reminder of what my life might have been if things had turned out differently.”

How dare he. How dare he act like he’s Shaun’s father. 

River turned her attention back to Shaun. He looked healthy. This was definitely the boy Ellie had mentioned being with Kellogg. He looked around ten years old, matching the description. So River didn't immediately thaw out like she thought. It took ten years. 

She had missed so much of his life… 

The door opening alerted River as she and Shaun turned around. A man wearing a long, black, leather coat with dark sunglasses entered with Kellogg immediately aimed his gun. Upon recognising the figure, he holstered his weapon. 

“Kellogg.” The mysterious figure spoke.

Shaun backed up a little, looking at Kellogg to which the man held out his arm, settling the boy down.

“It’s okay.” He softly said. He returned to his cold demeanor as he glared at the figure. “One of these days you’re going to get your head blown off, just barging in here like that.”

River moved towards the figure, looking him up and down. He was so clean and his clothes were nothing less than pristine.

Kellogg’s voice was ‘kind’ enough to tell her more. “The new breed of synths could easily pass as human. Some of them did. But the Coursers - they weren’t built to blend in. They were killing machines, pure and simple.”

River backed up as the figure walked past. A Courser? She’d have to ask Nick more about them.

The Courser approached Kellogg. Shaun stared in confusion. “New orders for you. One of our scientists has left the Institute.”

“Left as in…?”

“He’s gone rogue.” The Courser spoke plainly. “Name’s Doctor Brian Virgil. We know he’s hiding somewhere in the glowing sea. Here’s his file.”

The Courser pulled a file from his coat, handing it to Kellogg who opened it with intrigue.

“Capture and return or just elimination?” He asked, skimming the page for important information.

“Elimination.”

River looked back to Shaun. The two men were talking about hunting down and killing a man. But he sat there, continuing to read his comic with an innocent expression.

“So… I guess you’re taking the kid back with you.”

Kellogg’s voice alerted River. She turned around to look at the two men. The Courser nodded.

“Affirmative. Your only mission is to locate and eliminate Virgil.”

No… they couldn’t take him away!

"So... you're taking me back to Father?" Shaun spoke, looking at Courser.

River froze. ‘Father’? Who dared pose as his father while Jack was…

“Yes. Stand next to me and hold still.” The Courser simply replied.

“Okay!” Shaun gleefully said, practically jumping to his feet. He ran to Kellogg, hugging the man.

“Bye, Mr Kellogg! I hope I’ll see you again soon!”

“Um… bye.”

Kellogg stood there in disbelief, as did River. She wanted to do something, anything to get him away. He didn’t know what that monster had done!

Shaun then ran to the Courser, beaming up at him. He could hardly contain his excitement.

“X6-88, ready to relay with Shaun.”

There was a moment of silence before electricity sparked violently twice, first taking the Courser, then taking Shaun. River tried desperately to touch the electricity but her efforts were futile. 

They were gone. 

The memory faded and Amari spoke for the final time.

"Teleportation. Now it all makes sense. Nobody's found the entrance to the Institute because there IS no entrance. Let me pull you out of there. As soon as you're ready..."

River heard the loud, screeching sound of static and she turned around, seeing the television blaring with an error message. She slowly walked towards the television, about to touch it… before blacking out again.

River's eyes snapped open. She gasped for breath, quickly climbing out of the lounger, wanting nothing more than to go. Amari grabbed her arms, trying to stop her.

"Slow movements, okay? I don't know what kind of side effects the procedure might have had. No one's ever... done this before."After seeing River calm down a little, Amari slowly let go of her. She helped River out of the pod before examining her for any sign of damage. "How do you feel?"

River groaned in pain, putting a hand on her head. "I have this... burning feeling inside my skull. It's like it's on fire."

"I injected you with a large stimpak as I was pulling you out. That should ease things for now." Amari stated.

"So it's going to feel worse?" River asked, cringing. 

"I'm sure it isn't a long term side effect." Amari tried to assure her. She pointed her finger towards River. "Follow my finger."

River did as she was asked, having only minor trouble with the dizziness from the extraction. 

"What is your name? Spell it please."

"R. I. V. E. R   M. C. C. O. N. N. E. L. L." She slowly yet clearly responded. 

Amari nodded slowly. "It seems like you're still functioning in the brain."

"I feel fine." River told her. "There's more important things to think about. We know how the Institute get around."

Amari smiled, triumphant. "Yes! Their greatest secret has finally been revealed... But that only leads to more questions.” She held her chin in one hand as she contemplated. “How does it work? Where do we go next?"

River thought for a moment before an idea came into her head. "That scientist Kellogg was supposed to track down! Virgil... We need to find him."

Amari snapped her fingers. "You're right! A rogue Institute scientist could answer all kinds of questions. Where did the memory say he was?" 

"The… Glowing Sea?" River said, thinking back on what she heard. 

Amari stared, wide eyed. "The Glowing Sea?" After receiving a nod, Amari looked away, puzzled. “That doesn't make sense... No one goes there. Not even if they were desperate." She explained.

"If we need to find Virgil, then I'm going after him." River said, determined. 

"If you're going to go, be prepared. You'll need some way to combat the radiation there. It's called the Glowing Sea for a reason." Amari raised an eyebrow.

River gulped. That wasn't good at all. She flashed a smile. "I'll find a way to get through the rads. Don't worry."

"Good luck, and... be safe." She turned back to her desk, examining the cybernetics from Kellogg. 

River turned to the pod Nick was previously sat in, seeing it empty. She turned to Doctor Amari who seemed to know what her question would be. 

"I unplugged Mister Valentine first. Removed the implant while you were waking up. He's waiting for you upstairs." She said, not looking away. 

River smiled, appreciative. "Thank you."

She walked up the stairs, passing Irma on the way who gave her a warm smile and a wave. As River reached the top, thoughts flooded into her mind. About Kellogg. He had been through a lot. His wife and his child… 

River sighed. She couldn't feel guilt for him, no matter how much her heart told her too. The same thing happened to her and she didn't murder people in cold blood. She wanted to help people, just as she had always wanted. 

She chose her path and Kellogg chose his.

River brought herself out of thought as she walked into the next room, seeing Nick sat on a bench on the opposite side of the room. His head was bowed slightly as he mumbled to himself. 

River walked towards him, smiling. "I know I've said this about a thousand times but I really appreciate all you've done for me. You've been-" 

"Hope you got what you were looking for inside my head."

That voice.

River's eyes widened as Nick looked up at her. It was his face but his whole expression was one River had never seen on Nick. It was unnatural. It was… It was that same wise ass grin Kellogg had when they spoke. 

"Heh. I was right. Should've killed you when you were on ice."

That... was Kellogg's voice. 

River didn't think. She drew her pistol, aiming it at the… The monster in front of her. “Stay the hell away from me!”

She was so stricken with fear, she didn't realise the man in front of her was back. Nick,!'s eyes snapped open wide as he pressed his back against the wall. He held up his hands in defense, his eyes widening. “River?! What the hell are you doing?!”

River shook. Nick's voice brought her back to reality. She let go of the gun, letting it fall to the floor. Her legs shook as she felt like she would follow suit. 

“I’m… I'm so- sorry. I heard him. I thought he was going to kill me…” She tried to explain, sinking to her knees. She couldn't believe it. She could've shot Nick. 

Nick gave her a confused look. "What? What are you talking about?" He knelt down in front of River and gently held her arms. 

River didn't say anything.

“River, you just pulled a gun on me. What happened?” Nick demanded.

River’s lip quivered slightly. “I heard Kellogg. I thought he was back...” She admitted, looking down. “I thought he was going to…”

Nick was taken back by River’s words. He... sounded like Kellogg? But… why couldn't he remember it then? Nick looked down at River. She was trembling in fear. Nick slowly lifted River’s chin. He narrowed his eyes, giving River a stern but also gentle look.

“Listen. It’s probably just a glitch in my system. Old memories of him playing random sound clips. Kellogg won’t hurt you ever again. I promise. The bastard is dead and he will stay dead. Trust me.”

River took a deep breath. She wiped her face before nodding her head, a determined expression on her face. 

"Let's get out of here."

“So what's the plan?” Nick asked. As he closed the door to the Memory Den behind him. 

River recounted the plan in her head. “Well, we have to go into the Glowing Sea to look for that scientist, Virgil. Apparently, it's full of radiation so I'll have to buy some rad-away.”

Nick let out a small chuckle as they walked. “You're gonna need a lot more than rad-away. Do you know why the Glowing Sea is full of radiation?” After River shook her head, Nick continued. “It's where the bomb dropped.”

“Oh.”

“Oh exactly.” Nick thought for a moment. “Maybe a suit of power armor would be the best thing but that will be hard to get. Only people who have those are the Brotherhood of Steel and I doubt that they’ll be willing to lend a hand...” Nick muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“Wait. Power armor?" River asked. She smiled. "I have a suit back in at home.”

Nick raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You do?”

“Long story. I'll tell you about it on the way.” 

The two made their way to the entrance of Goodneighbor when a voice stopped them.

“Hold on- It's you!”

River and Nick both turned around to try and find the voice. They saw a ghoul dressed in a dirty yellow trenchcoat and fedora run up to them. 

“After all these years... How is this possible?!” The confused ghoul asked, now standing right in front of the pair.

Nick stepped slightly in front of River. River squinted at the ghoul. Something seemed familiar…

That trench coat… 

Her eyes widened with realisation as she approached the man. 

“Hold on... aren't you from Vault Tec?”

“I AM Vault Tec!" The ghoul frowned. "And I wasn't even on the list!" He then looked down, upset. "Now look at me... But you." He gestured to the woman in pure disbelief. "Two hundred years and you're still perfect! How!?”

River couldn't help but feel guilty. She remembered as he was stopped at the gate, threatened with death as he was forced to run away. He lived all those years as a ghoul… While she got to skip the hard part. 

He at least had a right to know what was in the Vault. 

“Everyone in the vault was frozen. I thawed out a few weeks ago.”

“Vault Tec never told me that!” The man's eyes were wide and full of anger. He threw his hands up in the air in disbelief. “Unbelievable!” He then gestured to himself. “I had to get to the future the hard way... look at me! I'm a ghoul... a freak!”

“I'm so sorry.” River looked down.

The ghoul calmed down. He adjusted his hat. “You know... you're the only person I've seen from... before…” He couldn't help but let the tears emerge. “Oh God, I've been so alone! No Commonwealth settlement wants a ghoul with 200 years of Vault Tec sales experience!”

River scoffed. "What? You're a pre war, educated salesman who probably knows all there is to selling goods."

"Exactly!"

River thought. "Well…" It wasn't a hard decision. “You can come to Sanctuary. It's not much right now but me and a group of other people are trying to make it a decent place to live. You can stay there if you'd like. You'd be welcome.” 

The ghoul's eyes lit up, full of hope. “Really? You'll let me stay?” 

“Of course!” River gave him a warm smile. “Don't worry, there's a lot of people there so you won't be lonely. And I still live there so we can talk about anything pre war.”

“Oh thank you! Thank you!” The ghoul shook her hand frantically. 

“I guess we should properly introduce ourselves then." River chuckled as she held out a hand. "I'm River McConnell.”

“H...Harvey. Harvey Anderson.” The ghoul smiled. “I want to grab my things and say goodbye to everyone first. I know the way so I'll meet you there.”

River nodded. “Okay. I'll see you there, Harvey.”

Harvey began to run off. He waved at River and Nick before yelling a 'goodbye'.

Nick and River walked outside of Goodneighbor. Nick turned to River and smiled. 

“Why did you do that?” He wasn't against her decision, of course, but to give someone who was basically a stranger to her a home… That sort of kindness was rare in the world.

River let out a small sigh as she looked at her pip boy, trying to plan a route back to Sanctuary. “It's the least I could do. He practically saved my life." River looked to Nick who was clearly wanting more information. River continued. "On the day that the bombs fell, he came to my door and I filled out some paperwork. He's the reason why I managed to get to the vault in time. He's the reason why I'm here now.”

Nick looked back at Goodneighbor. “Wow…”

[entomycetic]

SU AU - The Space Between Us AU (Synopsis)

Figure I may as well post this au here-

ALSO I know this movie came out like. 2 years ago? But uh SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE ‘THE SPACE BETWEEN US’, this whole thing is just the plot of the movie but rewritten (it’s QPR rather than romantic); also SPOILERS FOR STEVEN UNIVERSE SEASON 1-5

For those that haven’t seen/don’t plan to see it, here’s the movie synopsis: “Gardner Elliot, the first human born on Mars, begins an online friendship with Tulsa, a teen in Colorado. On his maiden voyage to Earth, the 16-year-old finally gets to experience all the joys and wonders of a world he could only read about. Problems arise when scientists discover that Gardner's organs can't withstand the atmosphere. United with Tulsa and on the run, the interplanetary visitor races against time to unravel the mysteries of how he came to be, and where he belongs in the universe.“

LET’S GET STARTED SHALL WE; GRAB SOME POPCORN ‘CUZ THIS ACCIDENTALLY GOT LENGTHY(2k words) AND SAD HAHA (REMINDER THAT THIS IS QPR CONNVERSE, NOT ROMANTIC)

Introduction

Steven Universe is a hybrid son of human and gem, born on Earth- but living his life off planet, in the moon base, ever since that point. Normally, a gem’s lightform automatically adapts to it’s environments, and a Rose Quartz Pink Diamond is certainly a different shape from a newborn human. Steven’s body and his gem, new to this existence, were fighting for dominance in his form. To help alleviate this, the Crystal Gems took Steven and Greg to the moon base; the lack of gravity helped in Steven’s growth and help his gem adapt to the new form (or lack thereof).

The longer he stayed there though, the longer his human anatomy adapted too; his heart enlarged, his bones weak, until he was unable to stay on Earth comfortably for longer than a few days. For 13 years the moon base was his home, the Crystal Gems only taking him to isolated areas on Earth for practice missions, making him wear a face mask; they were afraid his immune system wouldn’t be able to handle being around other humans or animals.

Speaking of his home, the gems took on the task of adapting the moon base to look as much like a human home as they could; they felt guilty for inadvertently confining Steven to such a small space, it was the least they could do. With Greg’s (limited) knowledge, they covered the walls, murals, and floors with wood and plaster, warping in furniture and materials to build in proper electrical systems, water systems, etc. They even built extra floor(s); the base was built for someone the size of a diamond, but Steven didn’t need that as much as he needed floor space to run around. A floor for the living room, bathroom, and warp pad, a floor for the kitchen and garden, and the top conservatory re-purposed as his bedroom. 

Greg frequently visits Steven during the week, considering Beach City has few people needing car washes that often. He comes over slightly less now that Steven is mostly able to take care of himself, but still visits a lot more than canon. The gems’ temple is their base of operations, but they tend to hang out in the moon base if they aren’t off on a mission or doing who knows what in their rooms; it used to be weird for them, but by the time Steven was 10 it became instinct to them to warp there as ‘home’. Amethyst has taken to staying there the most, sometimes just staying there to sleep instead of going to her room; though she has to restrain herself from being the trash lord she is

Because of his lack of interaction, Steven makes many friends online; he’s even set up a curtain around his desk that he can pull behind him, so whenever someone video calls he doesn’t have to explain why it looks like he’s in space. On of these friends he’s made is Connie Maheswaran, a fellow nerd located surprisingly close to Beach City.

Interest Grows

Connie quickly becomes his best friend, hitting it off over their love of books. Steven - knowing very little about normal human life - constantly asks her about hers, living vicariously through her stories. Eventually he explains to her that he’s sick, too sick to leave his house; between the constant curiosity and how often he’s online, she had gotten curious herself. He’s never bonded with another human so well besides his dad, and the fact he can’t visit her severely dampens his mood.

The Gems quickly notice this, trying to help by offering more missions. He learns more about his past and about gemkind, including about his mom’s healing fountain. The Gems and Greg decided to tell Steven that his mom was half-gem, like him, so he wouldn’t feel so alone as a hybrid. He asks if maybe that’d ‘cure’ him, but they tell him there technically isn’t anything to cure; his body simply adapted to his environment, and they were afraid that if it did work, it’d change his anatomy too quickly and end up hurting him even more. Steven saw this as an excuse; he was growing desperate and impatient, and a plan formed in his mind. He became subtly more cold and serious towards the Gems, but joined them as often as he could on missions.

To Earth...

Finally, after months of pushing through the extra work, the Gems planned a mission to a gem site located somewhat near Connie’s city. He texted Connie that he’d see her soon, and taking his cheeseburger backpack, he warped with the Gems to their mission; though he had a different mission in mind. While they were busy fighting the corruption they had found, Steven booked it away from the gem site, running to the nearest bus stop and getting a ride to Connie’s city. She had told him which school she went to, so with the help of confused strangers, he found his way to her school. Finally, the two met in person; on the walk home from school, Steven told her the truth about him and his life; Connie partially believed him considering he had a giant gem embedded in his stomach, but his powers weren’t wanting to work. Steven asked for her help, he wanted to stay on Earth with her, and his best bet was his mom’s fountain. Despite how crazy he sounded, she agreed to help him; she’s been waiting for an excuse to rebel against her parent’s strict scheduling. Besides, how long would it take?

When the Gems finally poofed the corrupted monster and realized Steven was missing, they naturally panicked. Pearl called Greg who used his parental authority to locate Steven’s phone (which Steven kept on him, not realizing Greg could do that) and Garnet used her future vision; between the two, they all hurriedly rushed to the Maheswaran’s house. Turn’s out Steven was either smarter than they thought or just dropped his phone, as they found it sitting on the porch. The Maheswarans were quickly caught up in the situation, realizing their daughter missing at the same time was probably more than coincidence. Garnet’s vision told her that, because he was so curious about the healing fountain, he’d most likely head there. The Maheswarans joined Greg and the Gems in the van, and the party drove off with Pearl’s guidance.

The trip to the fountain took approximately a week, with Steven and Connie hitching rides and taking buses, living off the money Amethyst had given him (”Why do you need all this cash?” “...I wanted to buy stuff off Etsy? Where’d you get all this money anyways?” “Doesn’t matter, it wasn’t being used”) and the money Connie kept in her wallet (her parents insisted she kept ‘emergency cash’ on her, oh how that backfired). They grew closer as friends; Steven fell in love with the Earth and society, and Connie rethought her views on life in turn, her confidence and self-esteem blooming. As they traveled though, Steven could feel himself getting weaker and weaker; his body truly wasn’t able to support him on Earth, to his dismay. He hid it as long as he could, but Connie could tell he wasn’t feeling well as they approached their destination.

...And Back

Connie and Steven made it to the fountain just ahead of the van full of worried adults. The last part of their journey had to be on foot, as there were no roads leading to the small valley hiding their destination. Connie had to support Steven as they reached the overgrown brambles covering the site. Steven was getting desperate, both in wanting answers and needing help for his physical state. The brambles went after Connie; Steven finally proving he at least wasn’t entirely human as he used his shield to cut them off. He put up a bubble around them, collapsing in exhaustion as he protected them from the brambles trying to break through.

The van barely pulled to a stop before the Gems got out and fought off the brambles, Steven finally letting the bubble down. They quickly told the parents to watch the kids as they went to clear the brambles and fix the fountain, the Maheswarans too shocked by the scene to bother yelling at Connie yet, just following Greg in stunned silence. Greg barely registered Connie as he picked up his son and ran after the Gems; Garnet instructed him to place Steven in the empty fountain before running off to help Amethyst and Pearl.

Greg gently laid Steven on the ground with his head propped against his chest; Steven’s physical state was incredibly weak, but he still asked about his mom, trying to get answers while he was able. Greg tells him the truth- Rose was not only a full gem, but that she gave up her form so he could live. Steven thanks him for telling him before passing out, his heart literally being too big to support him. Greg and the Maheswarans were quietly crying as Connie tried to shake him awake, her face panicked (”I believe you now, Steven...you really are a moon boy...c’mon Steven, tell me you told me so”). Greg and Connie were too focused on the wounded boy to notice her parents jumping into the fountain, trying to avoid the brambles that were now coming after them.

Before Steven could take his last breath, the fountain finally flowed over them, the pink water soaking everyone. Greg helped his son float as the CG came running back; everyone waited with bated breath. Finally, Steven coughed and weakly tried sitting up; his body still wasn’t used to the atmosphere, though. The Gems were right about that, at least; his body didn’t seem to need a ‘cure’. He quickly passed out again, but with the reassurance that he was alive, the Gems took control of the situation. While the parents followed in Greg’s van, Amethyst shape shifted into a helicopter and flew Steven, Connie, Pearl, and Garnet to the closest warp pad (Greg took this time to further explain what exactly was happening to Connie’s parents.) 

The Gems reached the warp pad ahead of the van; Connie insisted she came with them, and so did Steven in one of his brief moments of consciousness ; they didn’t have time to argue, so all 5 of them warped to the moon base, to his house. 

Greg helped the Maheswarans follow using his warp flute about 30 minutes later, finding everyone upstairs huddled around Steven’s bed. He had recently woken up with his head in Connie’s lap, and upon seeing the Maheswarans immediately apologized for putting Connie in danger (he had to be told to at least lay back down as he kept talking.) He didn’t mean for her to be gone so long, for her to risk herself for his sake, he didn’t fully understand human society and the complexities of normal life. At his sincere words, the Maheswarans forgave him; Steven protected her, helped her grow, and gave her a friend; they couldn’t ask for a better person to ‘accidentally kidnap’ their daughter (though Connie was fairly grounded for a month; Steven and Connie agreed that seemed kinda fair.)

After a tearful reunion, they decided over dinner that the adults would help the two be able to interact more. Steven would go on more missions, hang out in the fountain, and have a heavier but more regulated integration with human life; Connie would be given her own warp flute and would be able to better adjust to no atmosphere- aka, hang out with Steven in zero gravity. Later this would turn into sword practice and gem adventures, but hey- baby steps, right?

HELLS YEA How’s that? That took- 1.5 hours longer than I thought it’d take to rewrite here lmao OOPS

Also one more reminder that this is QPR Connverse bc my AU my rules; I know the movie was romantic but I ain’t havin it >8)

Anyways ‘The Space Between Us AU’ is too long, I thought about shortening it to TSBU but why do that when it could be BUST AU (EARTH OR BUST, BABEY)-

[sweetsmellosuccess]

TIFF 2020: Days 5 & 6

Films: 5

Best Film of the Day(s): New Order

Good Joe Bell: Or, The Education of a Straight White Father. What Reinaldo Marcus Green’s film lacks in depth, it tries hard to make up for with earnestness. Mark Wahlberg plays the real-life father, who was in the process of walking across America in honor of his gay son, who committed suicide after being badly bullied in his smalltown Oregon high school, before he was accidentally hit on the road and killed in Colorado, six months into his planned two-year sojourn. The story is cut up between the present, with Joe on the road, doing terse speaking engagements (as Wahlberg plays him, the taciturn Bell isn’t much for public speaking), at local high schools and churches, and flashbacks to the past, as his son, Jadin (Reid Miller), attempts to get through his high school experience while being the subject of bullying, both in-person and via the Internet, until he reaches his breaking point. The message is certainly resonant, and Miller plays Jadin with the right amount of heartbreaking pathos, but Green’s film feels unnecessarily mechanized in order to put Joe front and center of the story (using a hallucination of Jadin at the beginning, which allows Joe to interact with him feels more than a little manipulative). Bell, with his quick temper, and impatience for anything that’s not directly to do with him, is a reasonable stand-in for exactly the type of straight white male who should be watching the film (but more than likely won’t). Wahlberg is gifted at playing this sort of character, who wants to have the full attention of everyone any point in time he chooses (“Did you hear what I said?” he asks incredulously after making an announcement and not receiving the proper praise for it). He’s a complicated dude, which the film alludes to without entirely capturing: He’s ready to fight at a moment’s notice, but shies away from directly confronting any of Jadin’s tormentors; has the good intention to take action to draw attention to the problem, but doesn't seem the least bit prepared to give a speech that really makes an impact (one detail the film does make work: His manner of saying “I love you” to his wife or sons, but only as a way of getting them to say it back to him). Connie Britton plays Lola, Jadin’s mother, a largely thankless role as the nurturer of the family, loving both her sons (Jadin’s brother Joseph is played by Maxwell Jenkins), and staying supportive no matter their father’s attitude. Near the end of his journey, as Joe begins to see the true folly of his ways, he meets a Sheriff (Gary Sinise), whose oldest son is also gay, which allows the two men to sit on the front porch of the sheriff’s house and contemplate the ways in which their lives didn’t go as expected. It’s clearly meant for the kick-ass Wahlberg audience (as Jadin says earlier in the film, they’re the actual problem), but I very much doubt they will be heading in droves to see it.

New Order: Meet the new boss, only in Michel Franco’s damning portrait of a society locked forever in cycles of oppression, revolution, and new oppression, it makes no difference who you are, what your belief system is, or whether or not you subscribe to a moral set of ethics. After an ominous opening montage of imagery largely taken from the film to come, we shortly begin at a resplendent wedding held at the city manse of a wealthy businessman for his daughter, Marianne (Naian Gonzalez Norvind), and her betrothed, Alan (Dario Yazbek Bernal). As Marianne’s mother, Pilar (Patricia Bernal) happily secrets away the envelopes carrying the new couples’ gift money in her safe, and rich and powerful families co-mingle, the distant danger of a furious revolution, lead by violent rioters raising up against the economic disparities of the city, seems at first to be light-years away. Until it isn’t. As rioters infiltrate the house, with the help of an insider, chaos reigns and bullets fly. The next morning, many people have been shot, the house has been utterly pillaged, and Marianne has been taken hostage by a rogue group of military, who snatch up wealthy-seeming refugees and hold them for ransom at an undisclosed outpost. By film’s end, Franco, working from his own screenplay, leaves no man, woman, or child unmarked. The wealthy are callous and vain, the rioters bloodthirsty and cruel, the hostage takers unbelievably greedy and horrible, and the righteous vanquished by further corruption at even higher levels of power. It’s a bit like the ending of a Coen brothers picture (Burn After Reading comes to mind), in which all loose ends are closed, and few, if any, people are any the wiser for it; only, there’s nothing the least bit arch in Franco’s thrown gauntlet: We aren’t spared the worst of it by indelible Coens’ proxies. We are all to blame, it would seem, and it has nothing to do with original sin: Our conniving, violent nature will undo any and all attempts to curb it. Insatiable avarice is our continual undoing, washing over us like the green paint the rioters hurl at passing cars and pedestrians, marking them as the enemy. In Franco’s thunderous film, nobody emerges unscathed; we’re all set on fire.

Wildfire: It’s a hoary Hollywood staple to substitute individuals as emotional stand-ins to capture the direness of historic catastrophic events, scaling everything down so we care more about the couple in star-crossed love than the war going on all around them. In Cathy Brady’s Irish drama, however, a pair of sisters are reunited after a year’s absence in the North Ireland bordertown in which they grew up, products of the uneasy peace, post-Troubles, in which everyone is meant to get along as one country, though hard feelings still abound. Kelly (Nika McGuigan) returns to the staid home of her sister, Lauren (Nora-Jane Noone), after taking off on her own the year before, and, by all appearances, living as a vagabond. Initially thrilled to have her sister back, Lauren is also still angry with her for taking off suddenly and not making any contact since. When the girls were little, their father was killed in a political bombing, and their mother might have committed suicide as a result (the car accident that killed her was, apparently, suspicious). Left to their own devices, then, they developed a fierce protective shell against any outsiders, including, it turns out Lauren’s increasingly concerned husband (Martin McCann), and longtime family friend Veronica (Joanne Crawford). The film changes gears when Lauren finally accepts Kelly again, and the two reform their partnership as intense as it was before. As the film points out, in a real sense, they are all each other truly have in the aftermath of their tragic childhood. The film clicks better into focus as well in its final act, when the sisters are reunited against all comers, and the world around them is better revealed for what it is: They represent the schism still very much a part of their community that no one else wants to see. Instead, people hang about in bars, or at work, nursing the bitternesses and hurts of the Troubles in private, and putting their public energy to getting along. Kelly, with her wildnesses and significant impulse control issues (trying to teach a young boy how to hold his breath underwater is, perhaps, not best accomplished by holding him down until he begins to panic), is at least honest with her feelings, open to her various wounds, and refusing to put the past behind them. Their mother gets referred to as “crazy” in the town’s estimation, but it’s more likely she, like her two daughters, represents the clear-eyed view of someone who refuses to live in denial.

Concrete Cowboy: Philadelphia as an open prairie has a nice vibe, and Ricky Staub’s film about a troubled teen who mother takes him from Detroit to where his father, an urban cowboy, lives in North Philly in hopes to setting the kid straight, is made with genuine care and gets solid performances from its mixture of professional and amateur actors. If this sounds like faintly damning praise, it’s only because despite its strengths, it still feels like a great set-up in search of a suitable story. Based on the real-life Fletcher Street stables (and the novel from Greg Neri), in which locals on the rough streets of the city shelter and take care of a group of horses for the sheer love of riding, the story follows the difficult maturation of Cole (Caleb McLaughlin), a decent enough kid, but searching for his place in the world, and the tough-love tactics of his dad, Harp (Idris Elba), a longtime cowboy, who hasn’t been in his son’s life in more than a decade. Cole starts out hating everything about his new situation, from Harp’s barebones lifestyle (not only are the cupboards empty, and the fridge filled with nothing but Coke and Bud Light, Harp keeps one of his horses in the living room, sharing it with his son), to being forced to muck the stalls out at the stables to earn his chance to ride, takes up with an old friend, Smush (Jharrel Jerome), a charismatic kid caught up in the drug life. Naturally, Cole’s choice comes down to which sort of life he wants to have, his father’s hardscrabble but honest approach (made more attractive when Cole develops a bond with his own horse, Boo), or Smush’s push for increased market share and more money to buy his own piece of land out West. Shot on location in North Philly, and around the city  —  one shot, in which Cole sits astride boo in full silhouette against a mottled purple sky, the lampposts standing in for saguaros, hits just the right note -- Staub’s film has a properly gritty texture, and the use of some of the real Fletcher cowboys adds further verisimilitude, but the story moves predictably enough, beat-by-beat, that it doesn’t hit with the potency it might have been capable of with a less predictable narrative arc.  

In a year of bizarre happenings, and altered realities, TIFF has shifted its gears to a significantly paired down virtual festival. Thus, U.S. film critics are regulated to watching the international offerings from our own living room couches.