#there's so much knowledge out there to be learned and things to try out how are you supposed to do this all in one lifetime?

[guardian-of-da-gay]

A Single Thread

Read on Ao3

For @year-of-the-echidna's Prompt 3: Memory

tw for loss of culture, loss of family, general endling angst, memory loss

Knuckles couldn’t remember the word for ‘thread’.

He’d just finished his second patrol of the night and returned to his bed in House Wachowski. As he pulled the blanket back over his chilled body, he noticed a loose string–the kind that would get worse if left unchecked.  He was making a note to address it in the morning, only to mentally stumble.  Because he had forgotten the word.

He knew it in the common tongue.  In three Mobian dialects.  He even knew it in Babylonian!  But he couldn’t remember his word for it.  The echidna word.

Knuckles stared up at the ceiling of their darkened bedroom and tried not to fall into despair.

Every time Knuckles forgot an echidna word, that word was gone forever.  There were already so many that had been lost to time.  He’d only been a small child when his tribe was killed.  He’d been fluent in his native tongue, but there were many big, fancy words he never learned.  All his teachers had died, taking half his language with them.  And back then he hadn’t thought to try and preserve it.  He was young and sad and hungry for vengeance, for the Master Emerald, for any scrap of what remained of his people.  He’d taken his words for granted.  He never thought he’d lose them.  Now he lay awake in his bed at House Wachowski and felt the weight of his slowly eroding childhood vocabulary.

He’d lost ‘thread’.

It sounded like the word for fur, that he could recall.  He was pretty sure it was a combination of the word for ‘fur’ and fabric, but that didn’t help him much because he didn’t remember the word for fabric either.  He’d lost that one long ago.  He hadn’t had a need of it.  Clothing was for adults.

That was something he remembered at least.  He clung to that.  There were many things he’d lost, but he remembered some things.  He would have gotten a wrapping for his waist when his voice deepened.  His father’s shoulder cloth was made by Knuckles’ grandmother, as was tradition.  Knuckles would have had one made for him after his first hunt, though his father would have had to make it.

Knuckles plucked at the thread absently.

He did not remember his mother.  He didn’t know why she’d left them.  His father tried to explain once but Knuckles was too young to understand.  ‘I’ll explain when you’re older, ‘ Father said.  Knuckles was older now, but he had no father to explain.  This too, was knowledge lost forever.  Like ‘thread’.

He would never fall asleep in this state.

Knuckles kept the Master Emerald hidden all the time, though the specific location changed.  Right now it was within easy reach: beneath a floorboard under his bed.  Moving silently, Knuckles slid beneath, dragging his blanket with him.  He eased the board out of the way and the Master Emerald’s lit up his view.  The green glow felt like a sunbeam on a cold day.  But it also risked waking Sonic and Tails.

With his blanket wrapped around the two of them into a cozy fabric burrow, the light was concealed.  Knuckles held the Master Emerald close to his chest.  Sonic would probably tease him if he were to see Knuckles holding the most powerful force in the universe like a teddy bear, but the hedgehog couldn’t understand.

Knuckles had outgrown his old gloves and shoes.  His makeshift armor and spear were lost.  The totem he’d worn around his neck since the day his father gave it to him had been stolen.  Knuckles wore foreign clothes now.  He lived in a strange place in a home where nothing was familiar.  The Emerald was the one thing Knuckles had left of his people.

Green swirls filled his vision as Knuckles stared into the Emerald depths and remembered all the stories he’d grown up hearing.  Father told him how the Master Emerald had made the echidnas’ island paradise fly high above the clouds.  Chief Pachacamac described its awesome powers.  The head healer said it could be used to heal the sick and injured.  His grandmother said it could move through time.  And the High Priestess had taught Knuckles that the Master Emerald remembered everything it had ever seen.  Maybe even everything it would see.

This had been hard to wrap his mind around.  It still was.  Knuckles wasn’t sure it was even true.  But it was some comfort.  The Emerald was all that was left of his people, but it would outlive them all.  ‘Thread’ would never be lost forever, so long as the Master Emerald existed to remember it.

The Emerald flickered, its lights dancing sleepily like light reflecting off a pool of water.  Knuckles’ eyes slid closed and it seemed he fell, not into sleep, but into familiar arms.  Huge hands held his little ones, and though the skin was so rough, the touch was so gentle.  A bristly chin tickled his cheek.  A heart beat beneath his ear.

Voices surrounded him.  He knew them.  He knew all of them.  And he knew their words.  Laughter.  The smell of food and sounds of cooking.  Fire flared, friendly.  Fabric draped over his shoulders.  A stray thread tickled his nose.  Carried to bed.  A smell.  Like safety.

Knuckles woke slowly.  Sleep lay heavy over his mind like a thick blanket.  Usually he was quick to get up.  He had to secure House Wachowski and ensure nothing had happened while the home was unguarded.  But for some reason, he just couldn’t bring himself to rise.  He was warm and comfortable beneath the bed.

In a daze, it seemed the attic and his dreaming mind were laid over one another.  Two women sat before a fire.  His grandmother and… his mother?  Her face was shadowy and he was distracted, too busy watching entranced as his grandmother wove.  She was one of the women born with no spurs and so her fingers were more nibble.  They flit over and between the threads, colors tangling over and under at such speed it seemed almost a living thing.  Every color had meaning.  Red for the tribe.  White for the moon.  Gold for victory.  Turquoise for the sea and sky.  Green for the earth.  Green for strength, for abundance, goodness, luck, for life.  Green for the Emerald.

Green danced across his vision.  The Master Emerald was tucked beneath his chin, its glow fading as Knuckles became more aware.  His dream dispersed like morning fog.

He stretched, legs tangling in the blanket and pulling it down off his head.  The dawn’s light painted the attic in shades of gray.  Distantly he could hear birds singing.  Knuckles really should get up and go patrol before breakfast.

He reached for the blanket and his hand found the loose thread.

Makai’u.

He paused, surprised at the word that popped into his mind so suddenly.  A smile slowly crept across his face.  Makai’u–that was it!  He hadn’t lost it after all!

Knuckles replaced the Master Emerald in its hiding place, in a much better mood than when he had pulled it out a few hours before.  If he gave it a little extra squeeze before relinquishing it, that was between him and the Emerald.  This morning there was one less thing that he’d lost, and he cherished it, even if it was just a tiny thread.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Okay well as long as we're talking about sex, have you covered blowjobs yet? Cause like. I swear I used to know what I was doing but apparently I lost that knowledge cause I have been *struggling* to give a decent blowjob lately and surely there has to be some advice that's not just "ask your partner what they like."

Eyyyyyyyy babes that's literally how this started you're in luck, I sent this to my service top this morning

I got SO FUCKING OFFENDED that twice now I've tried to give Youtube Boy a blowjob and my performance has been fucking LACKLUSTER AT BEST and don't get me wrong he's been great about it and doesn't seem disappointed by my performance, but ALSO last time afterwards he fucked me so hard I just didn't stop cumming for like five minutes, so OBVIOUSLY the imbalance in quality cannot be allowed to stand

There are SO many useful things to know about blowjobs and so far I haven't actually talked about them, just bitched about how mad I am that my gag reflex is back

Things to think about when you want to suck some dick:

The head of a penis is very sensitive. This is technically less likely to be true for circumsized folks, but lets be real, the penis head and clit have a lot in common and both are more easily overwhelmed by sensation than the rest of the bits

Differently shaped dicks will require different breathwork to "breathe through" a blowjob. This isn't as much about size as you'd think (altho it obvi can), and has a lot to do with how a penis curves. Gets one with a compatible curve to your mouth and throat, and everyone's having a much better time immediately

Gag reflexes get worse the more you trigger them, and numbing aids don't necessarily help with the psychological effects of having an obstructed airway. Even if you don't deepthroat, a lot of us breathe through our mouths more than we realize

Things that inflame your throat (smoking, eating spicy food, etc) may not be smart to do before a blowjob because it might make your gag reflex more sensitive

You can DESENSITIZE your gag reflex with "the toothbrush" method, and then once the physical desensitization has taken place, you can move to "the dildo" method to help learn to relax and breathe through the initial discomfort and anxiety of a triggered gag reflex

Temperature play is fun. The classic is "drink some peppermint tea right before" but I'm a fan of cinnamon tea myself

Don't forget to get wet! mouths are self-lubricating same as vaginas, and I promise the wetter the mouth, the easier the blowjob, so try and make sure you're well hydrated, and maybe even do something like eat sour candies to induce salivation, use an edible lube, or even hold your mouth open wide long enough to start drooling a bit.

Do some TMJ exercises. If you're suddenly struggling to suck dick, you might be experiencing tension in your jaw that's constricting your range of motion. Consider learning how to safely give yourself a gentle scalp massage, and making a routine of some TMJ exercises like this one:

I am begging yall (gen) to pay attention to the balls! They are so fun! Have you ever heard a girl squeak when you suck on her balls like the head of her dick and let them gently *pop* back out of your mouth???? Fucking phenomenal. The look on a man's face when you use your fingers around his shaft and balls like a cock ring and he feels you massaging the perineum??? God-tier shit. The testicle deserves respect-icle, come on

My fellow autistics and blind sluts, this is where we shine: you want *scalding* amounts of eye contact (perceived, not actual). You want the only time that eye contact is broken to be when your eyes close you can moan like a pornstar around something sensitive and watch the vibrations rattle their psyche. Pick a spot near the eyes and anchor your gaze there like a ballerina anchoring their sights for their pirouette. I like the tip of the nose because my favorite blowjob position is kneeling in front of The Blowjob Chair (everyone with a dick that I've ever fucked has this chair. At this point I assume it comes standard with the dick and look forward to receiving my delivery upon completion of bottom surgery) and from down there, staring at the tip of their nose with my glasses of consistently has the effect of me staring deep into their fucking souls while I suck it out through their dick. 10/10 strongly recommend for the sounds they make alone. Get a knee pillow though. I recomend about 2ft square and min 3-4inches thick for my creaky jointed baddies. I'm in my 30s bitch, I suck that girl off for an hour on the hardwood, I ain't getting back up under my own power, yall young sluts revel in your range of motion while you have it

As with ANY kind of sex, USE FOREPLAY!! Even if the blowjob IS foreplay for something else, you want to escalate the temperature of the encounter steadily as you move through activities. Give them a hickey on their thigh, dig your nails *gently* into their hips and moan when you blow them, have fun with it!

Stop focusing all the movement in your neck bruh, bounce your ass to bounce your mouth off that dick, use your momentum!

Take a page out of the kinky risk management book and decide on an SOS **gesture** with your partner (your mouth will be busy, dispense with the safe word) i'm deeply physical with my hands on my partner's thighs during oral so the classic "slap their thigh 3×" type approach doesn't work for me. But if I'm pushing away from my partner with my hands, that's the sign for them to help me come (heh) up for air and maybe check in.

It's easier to ask your partner what they like about your oral performance after it happens than to ask them what they want from it before they've experienced it

This post actually got way longer than I meant so I'm going to cut it here lmao bit thanks for letting me ramble about my literal favorite thing in the world to do: oral sex lmao

[starshower1215]

So, I read the comments, and one thing you didn't address was the use of, as I learned it to be, "opaque lenses." This is a device used with a generally negative connotation of the character to depict suspicion. An interpretation was presented in the comments that Hange was manipulating the trio for their knowledge of ODM gear, using the glasses as evidence, and also Hange's generosity specifically towards Isabel, who they recognise as the "weak link" of the group, as is depicted with the glasses after Isabel stutters (see image no.1).

That's a really good point about the glasses, and that's right, the "opaque lenses" would be out of place without that intention. But while I also interpreted it as a sign of suspicion, I don't think Hange would be manipulative to gain knowledge, even with the high value they place on it. Manipulation always includes some subtle manner of obscuring intention, thus obscuring that knowledge from the other person, and therefore it would go against their morals. I'm saying this because I can't recall any instance, pre-time-skip, of their dishonesty or intentional manipulation that is comparable to this one.

So that in mind, I think it's also pretty important to see whose perspective Hange is being drawn from. I wrote this post a while ago comparing No Regrets Hange to the man in Bad Boy, and how their glasses increase Levi's suspicion of them on top of the initial dubious attitude he has simply due to the unfamiliarity of their kindness. But my main point was that glasses are a sign of education (not intelligence), which was mainly accessible by the rich, and Levi has a bad impression of the rich. We see where it could have begun in Bad Boy, with this guy (on the right):

With his fancy glasses and clothes and cigarette. He's obviously a rich guy. He's also the last man that Levi kills — the same one who started trying to manipulate Levi with his "kindness."

And anyway, with the way the rich seem to treat Levi, telling him something like, "It must have been too much to expect the son of a whore from the Underground to understand the consequences of his actions," it's pretty clear, too, that the rich see him bad lighting on the basis of his birthplace and heritage. Connecting this all back to the glasses, we see glasses as a sign of education (nobody has glasses in the Underground), and thus a sign of the rich, and Levi is only exposed to rich men like this guy. Therefore, to Levi, glasses = rich = bad = suspicion.

A lot of the panels where Hange has "opaque lenses" can arguably be from Levi's perspective. Note their positions (Levi across from Furlan and Isabel, who are beside each other, with Hange in between; No one but Levi has a front view of them) and then compare the images:

Furlan and Isabel's perspectives of Hange:

And Levi's perspective of Hange:

Every single usage of opaque lenses is from Levi's perspective. Therefore, it's possible to assume that Levi is suspicious of them, due to his past. But it's still a mystery whether or not Hange is being manipulative here (intentionally...?) because we see their supposed innocence from Isabel and Furlan's perspectives. I definitely think that in the moment, it makes perfect sense for Levi to be suspicious of Hange's kindness. In fact, it's probably more likely of him to be suspicious of their genuine kindness than their manipulative kindness, lol, given his past, but of course, that's hard to differentiate.

Of course, Levi's increased exposure to bad people gives him an advantage over Isabel and Furlan in picking out suspicious characters, but I'm sure it also creates a bias in which he interprets things as suspicious which really aren't in their nature. Isabel and Furlan may have the more objective lense here in that sense. They're exposed to bad stuff, but maybe not to the same level as Levi, and not at such an early age where it would heavily skew his perspectives of life.

So, in short, there's definite suspicion here, but does suspicion equate to manipulation on Hange's end? Just my thoughts.

Hange and Levi's first meeting in No Regrets and what it means to Levi

I'd like to talk about a scene in No Regrets that gets brought up sometimes by certain people in the fandom, which is Levi and Hange's first meeting, but I don't think fandom talks enough about the emotional impact this scene must've had on Levi, or why that first meeting is so important to him. This scene always manages to make me feel emotional no matter how many times I think about it, hence why it's my favourite part of the manga, because for the first time since Levi, Furlan and Isabel got in the Survey Corps, someone treated them with kindness and didn't look down on them.

The first thing we can notice from the way Hange approached them is how genuine and excited Hange is with what they achieved with the Titan, making sure to include them all in the achievement and not only Levi as seen here by how Isabel tells Hange that their group is amazing and Hange agreeing with her.

Hange is interested in getting to know more about Levi's strength, but it's in a way where they want to learn from him and get taught by him rather than in an idea of using his strength as a tool. By bringing the other Scouts in the conversation as seen below, Hange encourages Levi to teach them his tricks so they can all have better chances of survival and also kill Titans more efficiently from now on.

Hange wants to get to know Levi as a person first and foremost, which does impact Levi who hasn't really met anyone in the Survey Corps until that point to be interested in himself as a person and not just as a tool, and in his friends too as he's inseparable from them. Hange doesn't forget about them and even includes them in the conversation in their own easygoing way as seen in this panel.

Continuing on this idea, one of the most important parts of this scene is how Hange isn't only friendly with Levi, but they're friendly with Isabel and Furlan too, going so far as to give Isabel a treat for the start of their new friendship. It might not mean much, but for people who recently left the Underground where getting treats was probably a luxury or at best hard to come by, Hange's action will impact them far more than some people might realize. These three have constantly been called thugs or have been disrespected until they showed their technical prowess with Titans during their first expedition, so to see Hange push past that barrier by wanting a genuine friendship with them is such a contrast to the way they have been treated by the others all this time. And even when Levi is curt with Hange, they don't give up, inviting them all to a meal after the expedition is over, which shows how much Hange wants to get to know them better as people, and not only as soldiers skilled with ODM gear.

I think what impacted Levi the most out of that exchange wasn't necessarily that Hange was kind with him. It's definitely important, but when we know how much Levi cares about the ones he loves, how he values their lives much more than his own, it's that Hange was so kind with his friends that really impacted him the most, and I don't think fandom talks enough about it. How affected Levi must've been by Hange's sheer kindness without expecting anything in return from him in a world where that concept simply didn't exist. Levi was being kind with others, but this is the first time we see someone else that isn't part of his group be kind to him in return. I think what Hange did that day for him and his friends meant a lot more to Levi than we realize. Someone in the Survey Corps finally treated them as they should've always been treated, with respect and kindness and not with disdain or even coercion. And Hange isn't bothered by his refusal to communicate with them as seen by Furlan's reply here: "Anyway, Hange doesn't seem particularly bothered."

They respect his boundaries when Levi doesn't feel like answering since he doesn't want to get attached to new people (we know how that plan failed in retrospect, but he still tried), and that's because Hange doesn't try to force anything out of him. They tried and he didn't want to engage, that was fine with them, they'll still want to be his friend in the future regardless of Levi's answer. And I don't think fandom gives enough credit to Hange in this scene.

This scene will forever remain my favourite in No Regrets because it shows just how incredibly kind and friendly Hange was with Levi since the very beginning. Yes, this has to do with Hange's personality, that it's just like them to be attracted by the new outsiders or misfits and try to befriend them, but the important part is that someone at least tried. And it makes total sense how out of everyone we know, it had to be Hange to carry out that role. Someone caring as much about his friends as Levi simply cannot be hated by him. This scene actually destroys that claim even more, because by this definition, Levi would have to hate the first person in the Survey Corps to actually be friendly with his friends, the most important people in his life at that moment in time. It's again completely nonsensical to say that, and I do think the people who keep saying it either have forgotten this scene exists or they'd rather ignore it because it wasn't included in the OVA. But regardless of the reason, the fact remains this scene is part of the No Regrets manga and is important to delve even further into the relationship of Levi and Hange as it presents the blueprint of their relationship. Supportive and caring for each other until the very end.

[lieutenantselnia]

Actually I think it's a bit unfair that I can't be an astrophysicist and a historian and a game developer and a marine biologist and an archaeologist and an author and a seamstress at the same time

[razzle-zazzle]

another fun fact about my dumb little ninjastuck au is that, bc she was raised by kai/the occasional sympathetic ignacian, nya knows very little about troll culture. colton, who had a lusus and some influence from his ancestor, takes it upon himself to teach nya all the things she missed (jay also tries to do this to varying levels of success. they are both idiots <3).

this results in colton crushing pale on nya btw <>

[danielnelsen]

god how many months years is it gonna take me to learn my way around the veilguard files in frosty gahhh

[mantisgodsdomain]

We are just now realizing that still being on the short list of kitten fosterers means that we're going to be having to handle weaning five 3-4 week old kittens that need to be fed every few hours while also having university four to six hours a day and honestly, that's not going to be very fun. We'd say "maybe we should have taken on less art challenges this year" but honestly we've been having a great time with the art challenges it's just the 4-6 hours of school that's been rapidly eroding our soul

[leatherbookmark]

Oh, finally someone I can relate to :''''''''')

[yoshistory]

i miss being a construction worker cause honestly a lot of my time on the job i wouldnt do anything LOL but i do genuinely also miss like. the job itself. i miss how a lot of my work revolved around going into empty buildings and go anywhere inside of them. fix them nicely ... whenever there's construction work in the offices and bathrooms and stuff it makes my heart hurt so badly. i love getting glimpses of the utility closets. i always felt like a fly on the wall maintaining an office or building but not really being APART of the culture inside of it yannow. being there transiently

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I'm in the middle of a knitting project right fucking now, and I'm already looking at other projects to do. I'm not even close to finishing the current project and I'm looking at like three others. It's a real problem

[isa-ghost]

Maybe this is extremely incorrect or narrow of me to think in some way, but

When you learn about Hitler's takeover in school, I feel like you always imagine it being so much bigger, even bigger than it already was, like more... I don't know how to explain it. Like it stopped every single other aspect of life for everyone ever. Because like. Y'know, gigantic historical event. Like unfathomable degrees of impact on a global scale, even if that was only the case after years of damage.

And yet here we (Americans) are, living through something that has terrifying amounts of parallels to the start of all that, and like... Nope. Life doesn't freeze, not everyone feels an instant tangible change for the worst. People are still living out their daily lives, doing whatever their version of mundane life is, whether it's working for less than minimum wage at a shitty retail job, doomscrolling on the toilet at home, seeking out somewhere to stay warm and safe, etc.

Like no matter what life is like for them, everyone is acutely aware one way or another that this is happening and ongoing, but chances are it probably isn't completely derailing their average day (I'm having a hard time wording this in a way that emphasizes there's an element of privilege involved in this and keeps the people who will be impacted ASAP by things like ICE raids and such in mind but the sentiment is there, sorry).

Like. This is the next 4 years of our lives. I'm a poor, queer, neurodivergent woman. And I'm still more privileged than some people despite being quadruple disadvantaged (for a lack of better term). But I feel like I'm living a death sentence despite that privilege. And you'd think that, given I feel that way, what's happening today and will be happening for the next 4 years would feel more real than it does right now? Like I wouldn't be sitting in my home completely objectively fine, casually posting here on Tumblr feeling existential and spending an embarrassing amount of time trying to word what I'm thinking in a way that isn't/doesn't feel ignorant in some way.

But no. We're on the precipice of god knows what and it's not consuming very single American's life including mine in every single conceivable way like how you (or at least I, I guess) imagine it was for every single person back before/during WWII.

I dunno, I guess I'm just really feeling like this meme right now.

And it's all only made worse by the fact that like. The election was rigged (said by Trump himself btw) and there are a million other blatantly obvious reasons this shouldn't be happening. And yet it is. Like not only do we have to endure unimaginable amounts of dread for years to come, but we have the knowledge that this should not be happening to begin with but everything is so fucked up and the people that could do something to stop it are so fucking stupid and only out for themselves that it's happening anyway.

Edit: Can't believe I have to add this, but zionists and neo-nazis get the fuck out of here. Please choke to death, actually.

Edit x2: Anyone who sees "zionist" and gets mad is exactly who I'm talking about. Fuck your genocide supporting asses. Also not all Jewish people are zionists, use your fucking head.

[sheeezu]

Yes, this is a new account, I just made this. I don't care if people question the authenticity of my post, my experience as a shifter, or whatever I'm about to say.

I don't know how to use Tumblr, nor do I know how to make my post reach people who need it, nor would I be a narcissist and say "you're lucky if you found my post!" I don't mind if this reaches an audience or not, I'm glad to get everything off my chest.

Yes. I've shifted.

I have shifted realities, more times than I can count on my fingers, and that is for a very specific reason, which I'll explain later.

I'm writing this because I'm about to permashift, and no, I won't hear out any antishifters or people who don't like permashifting in general, I don't care about your opinion so don't waste my time.

Before I start, I'd like to say one thing:

I was irrational minded, I lacked belief in myself and shifting. Shifting often times felt like a chore more than a fun activity, and i have to admit, it became an unhealthy habit.

So? Why did I mention this?

Because I had been lurking around shifting communities and I realised everyone feels like this, a very (mentally) painful feeling where the lack of shifts starts acting as your biggest enemy, and the phrase:

"Shifting needs practice!"

Sounds like poison when it comes from an experienced shifter.

Though, is the phrase actually true?

No, not at all.

Shifting does not need practice!!

Here's why:

(BTW, I will explain my "method", no matter if I have time or not. Also, I don't call this reality "Current Reality", instead I call it Void reality, so don't get confused.)

The "practice" you're doing is only affecting your void reality (taking time out of your day, making you constantly think you're in your learning phase, so it doesn't exactly lead to your desired reality, does it?)

Of course, if you view it as a skill, it will in some way act like that, it'll become a skill for you, and you can never succeed on your first, second, third, hundredth try, because in your brain you have registered the fact that shifting is this grand, universal task, and that it is very difficult (because its common sense that you practice difficult things to get good at them)

Practice is a very humane and earthly act, if people have succeeded doing just practice, then good for then, they're right in their own way, but it didn't work for me, and in my opinion it's the worst way to view shifting, and often times it is demotivating, and you'll mess up you're entire journey.

Shifting is not a skill, shifting is a universal law.

I'll become more clear as I explain my journey:

My journey:

I found shifting from a random YouTube video 3 years ago. I might have only said cool and moved along.

A year later something traumatic happened in my life, which shook me so badly I needed an escape.

First of all, I chose astral projecting, but I realised I was too much of a coward to do so.

Then I came towards shifting, first DR was very typical, it was Hogwarts.

Having no knowledge whatsoever in the topics of spirituality, meditation, I went straight to methods, because they were like guides for me, I was very inexperienced, of course, and looked at other people and what they were doing for guidance.

Alice in wonderland method didn't do much, raven method was too uncomfortable (side note, all this raven method does is make you too focused on your void reality, cmon, in your DR are you laying down like a starfish?) And I was having terrible trouble with my intrusive thoughts (which made the floor disappear from under my feet, made the stairs for the stairs method too short to climb or straight up made them dissappear as well)

I didn't have any luck that year, no mini shifts, no lucid dreams, or sleep paralysis. And my DRs never remained constant. They always changed on a daily basis.

I was big on methods, I couldn't realize they never worked for me.

Although, this year of failure led me to finally figure out where I belonged.

A DR made out of scratch, which I spend much effort in putting the pieces of it together.

The DR, which was called "Home reality" really made me feel settled in my journey.

LOA, and the consciousness theory were the leading factors which made me shift.

And don't worry, it isn't what you're tired of being told, I didn't just apply any orthodox definition of LOA and succeeded.

Background to my first shift:

It was a particularly stressful day, I really missed my home.

I was studying at my college (I still am, but...) and I was dreading giving a chemistry test, I did not prepare. In my mind, one thing was constantly looping in my head.

The scenario of the chemistry teacher coming in, and taking the test, and the next day I get it handed back with a big fat zero.

But then I stopped and wondered, having already known about the consciousness theory, so according to it:

"I am constantly letting this thought run in my mind, and constantly letting this reality dictate what happens next."

Basically, I realized what was about to happen next was indirectly in my control, but with my line of thinking, I was letting this reality control it directly.

I stopped, like actually stopped thinking.

And with a blank mind I thought.

"I won't have to take any test today."

And went around telling my classmates this with a confident tone.

The teacher came in, said we'll instead do some practicals in lab.

So the test got cancelled.

Going home, I got excited, i felt powerful.

I decided to apply this to shifting.

Before shifting, I took a nap during the day, (if you're tired your body insists on sleeping, so your mind will get hazy and you will start acting lazy towards your goal)

And after living how I normally would, before bedtime, I listened to some songs, and look at a Pinterest board which reminded me of my home reality.

My method and what happened next:

First phase of shifting:

When I laid down on the bed to start shifting, I first got comfy (for me, if I feel sleepy for some reason, I laid on my back, I can't fall asleep in that position, but if I think ill stay awake until I reach a "detached state" then I sleep on my side, it's comfortable)

I obviously wasn't checking the time, but I spent about 10 minutes getting relaxed, all I do to relax is:

a) look at the blackness (closed eyes, looks like starry skies) and try to believe I'm looking at the milky way.

b) think about my home reality, just faces of my loved ones, and nostalgia inducing images.

c) Affirm, but don't focus entirely on affirming, usually in the back of my mind I'm repeating "I have shifted to my home reality" "I have shifted my senses to my home reality" "I have stopped sensing the void reality" "I am smelling, tasting, feeling, hearing and seeing my home reality" no other fancy affirmations required. (Now that I think about it, you need to affirm NOW because this method has two phases, one where you are shifting, and one where you have shifted, and you are in the 3D, where you are occupying your DR self, their thoughts, and memories, and popular method usually only have one phase, either you are shifting, or have shifted. So my point is if you affirm later and you'll be affirming when you're supposed to be in your DR, and obviously, your DR self won't be spouting out affirmations about shifting to a random reality for no reason.)

During this time, you'll feel tingly all over. It's a good sign.

And you'll feel a certain detachment, like you aren't exactly here, you have no idea what position you're lying in, and where your feet are. (Please, for the love of God do not start counting your feet or get freaked out that you can't feel your leg, you'll come back to the void reality.)

So you can start the next phase.

Middle phase (optional):

To prepare for the next and last phase, you can do this to get ready, or don't (First read the third phase)

This is all about connection to your DR.

Think about memories from your DR, focus on the faces of your loved ones, the way you act, talk, your mannerisms in your DR, or you can simply say affirmations like these one:

My name is ___.

I work as a ___.

My age is ___.

Don't try to imagine vividly or anything, lightly touch upon the basic details of your DR, the construction and foundation of any reality and the person, who has existed there for their entire life.

(That's you!)

Phase three:

Take a sudden, abrupt stop from your stream of thoughts. (Yes intrusive thoughts will still pop up but don't give any importance to them) when you're in a blank state of mind, not longer than 30 seconds, you need to build up to the last step of your shifting method, and journey.

a) start imagining hearing the voices of your loved ones or just any voice, calling your DR name, your nicknames, with different tones. (For example, i heard my name in an angry tone from my father when he was scolding me, I heard my name followed by a laughter when my S/O teased me.)

OK, for me, I started feeling intense, groundshaking symptoms at this moment. Sudden flashing of lights, extreme feeling of floating, and ofcourse, feeling tingliness so much that it felt like pins and needle on my entire body. (I did ignore the symptoms)

b) plan the rest of your day in your DR, which you will be spending.

AGAIN, PLEASE DON'T SAY IT LIKE THIS.

❌️When I reach my DR ❌️ I will have to go to that eye specialist for that appointment.

Instead: (and the more you personalize it, the better)

Ughhh, I have to go to that appointment- this day will suck.

(Don't mind my example, that was the only thing I could think of at the moment)

c) in this reality, you are constantly thinking of something, your thoughts are definitely what constructs this reality, and your current thoughts are affecting your subconscious. (By this point, your subconscious is grounded in your DR, so don't worry about that bastard.)

Now, you're going to start thinking, thoughts which are going on in your DR self's mind, start with one sentence, with which you'll be able to start consciously thinking like your DR self.

And think in the style, tone, and mood of your DR self, and keep the thoughts strictly related to your DR.

Thats it, but what happens afterwards? And what happened to me?

So for me, I started feeling weird while I was thinking.

And I remember I thought this:

"Ugh, I don't want eggs for breakfast."

(I'm not saying this is the key to shifting, at this point, I had covered various topics, including, weather, my upcoming work assignment, and praised my S/O for a good 5 minutes.)

And I started panting, like suddenly I was trying to catch my breath, the room felt bright, so I opened my eyes, and well, I was in my home reality :)

I was delirious for a few second, my S/O was looking at me worriedly, but surprisingly, it didn't even take me a minute to adjust, it felt all so natural and I wasn't scared.

I didn't even feel emotional, at all, and didn't hug my S/O with tears in my eyes, I straight up asked to be served breakfast, incase anyone was wondering.

So that's it.

Although i have much to say, I'm tired of writing, but I'm more than willing to answer each and every one of your questions, although I only have 7 hours left till I permashift, I'll remain mostly active till then.

And no, I'm not rereading this to fix my grammar, so just ask if anything confused you.

Ask away.

I'm still not sure if this'll reach anyone or not.

[queeniewithabeanie]

The Psychic (kinda, not really)

Dpxdc Prompt #4

holy shit i am so fucked right now

That's all that was on Duke Thomas's mind as he stood in the middle one of Bruce Wayne's (Batman! because apparently the butts do match) ball rooms, ready to be the entertainment for a gala.

how did my life ever come to this point?

At least he had an answer to that question. What do you get when you throw Danny Fenton and Duke Thomas together? An accurate psychic team that can bullshit their way into making enough money to keep themselves off the streets.

Honestly they hadn't really planned for it, but they made a pretty accurate psychic team. Danny could go invisible and intangible which was very helpful in gathering information about clients. He could talk to ghosts as well and if they weren't you know trying to attack him on sight (which was apparently a thing? that ghosts did to Danny?) they were pretty good sources of info. Finally, he new how to do all the generic psychic things like palm reading, tarot cards, tea leaves, ect.

"My friend Sam taught me!" he said, when they were realizing this plan could actually maybe work. "She never believed in it, i didn't, still don't, believe in it either but it could be useful if we actually decide to do it."

If Danny was the one with all the psychic knowledge where does Duke come in you may ask?

Danny couldn't tell a lie to save his life and couldn't get through a palm reading without bursting into laughter because of how crazy it sounded. Duke had a good poker face, learned quickly to lie on the street, and most importantly could see Danny when he was invisible thanks to his own meta ability.

They bought a tent, a deck of tarot cards, a cheap crystal ball (that was really just plastic), and some psychic-ish robes that were warm enough to double as blankets.

And so Danny and Duke started their farce, telling people scarily accurate visions and advice. They started getting invited to more events, high society ones at that, to serve as entertainment. They paid well (no matter how much the condescending nature of everyone attending irked Duke to no end) and everything was great.

They got an apartment, could actually eat 3 meals a day, and had a steady source of work.

Then Duke told someone who murdered their wife and the Bats were interested in him.

Duke and Danny, of course, didn't know this at the time so when they got invited to a gala at Bruce Wayne's (the richest man in Gotham) manor they accepted without a thought.

And then when Danny was scoping out the place after they arrived he found the Batcave because Bruce Wayne was Batman and invited Duke soley to investigate him.

Man did he wish that he could turn invisible like Danny. Maybe then Batman's piercing stare would go through him instead of straight at him.

[foone]

A fun thing about computer skills is that as you have more of them, the number of computer problems you have doesn't go down.

This is because as a beginner, you have troubles because you don't have much knowledge.

But then you learn a bunch more, and now you've got the skills to do a bunch of stuff, so you run into a lot of problems because you're doing so much stuff, and only an expert could figure them out.

But then one day you are an expert. You can reprogram everything and build new hardware! You understand all the various layers of tech!

And your problems are now legendary. You are trying things no one else has ever tried. You Google them and get zero results, or at best one forum post from 1997. You discover bugs in the silicon of obscure processors. You crash your compiler. Your software gets cited in academic papers because you accidently discovered a new mathematical proof while trying to remote control a vibrator. You can't use the wifi on your main laptop because you wrote your own uefi implementation and Intel has a bug in their firmware that they haven't fixed yet, no matter how much you email them. You post on mastodon about your technical issue and the most common replies are names of psychiatric medications. You have written your own OS but there arent many programs for it because no one else understands how they have to write apps as a small federation of coroutine-based microservices. You ask for help and get Pagliacci'd, constantly.

But this is the natural of computer skills: as you know more, your problems don't get easier, they just get weirder.

[whyyoualwayssoradical]

i can't believe i grew up at the heart of some of the evangelical zionists. when i moved away i thought i was never gonna hear about any of that craziness again. i thought it was fringe beliefs and i had no idea how far reaching some of it is. there wasn't even anyone i could talk to about it outside from home that even knew what the fuck i was talking about if i ever brought it up, i usually never did because no one i met outside of home held remotely any of the same beliefs, even if they were also a christian.

i grew up terrified of the thought of ww3 breaking out and the second coming of christ happening because Israel is supposed to be the epicenter of the war that triggers it or something like that and i was afraid of the so called being "left behind" because that's all i had been taught. like i attended these huge events at mega churches that played out the scenarios of the post second coming. people dressed in military garb carrying fake weapons throughout fake streets entering fake homes and fake executing christians for praying in their homes and mark of the beast and much more.

i thought this was all "normal" by the way. i had like no clue of the outside world so to speak. i thought id never have to think about any of it again once i moved away. seeing zionism and israel talked about on here started breaking cracks some number of years again, i think when the march of the return protests happened, that was when i actually started to learn about palestine. the people of palestine are conveniently left out by the protestant evangelical zionists, they simply speak of israel and her "enemies". i did not know much about palestine before this but i knew much about israel, i know many many people who personally went to israel often. they spoke so much of israel and of the land, never mentioning palestine or palestinians. sometimes they would speak of praying for israel and her people because of the terrorist attacks or the attacks from her enemies how the US protects israel because the US is a godly nation or whatever.

i dont really know the point of this post, i never expected any of the above to ever be relevant, i didn't know how horrible the world was until i left home. it's crazy all the different things i was led to believe growing up.

i don't have the language to express what i wish i could. i just know it's all so wrong what's happening, so very terribly wrong. others have expressed it all much better than i ever could. the moment i heard about the hamas video i knew what was to come, i knew israel had been waiting for something like that to justify against palestinians and of course the US was so ready and willing to back it all up.

[sugarverse]

Hiii! I was wondering if I could request either long or short fic about Tenya Iida. Likes it can be set in a modern setting where's he's a senior college student who's majoring in business and he has to take one more class to get his degree. It just so happened that the class is in the art building, and it is figure drawing (aka nude drawing) . Since he's just now hearing of the extra class he has to take, he's suddenly shocked when the model is an old friend of his from back home, whom he had a childhood crush on. Not only does his feelings for her come back, but he also has to have 1 on 1 section with the model for educational purposes. I kinda want it to be smut and fluff or however you see it fit. Anyway, I hope it's enough+

hi babe! omg I love this idea I kinda went a lil crazy and made it way too long. I hope u enjoy :)!!

𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙬𝙣 𝙏𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧

word count: 3.5k

mentions of: This is really just the fluff portion of it, kinda suggestive bc he pops a boner and leads to sex in part two. I think I’m going to make a third part simply so the two of you can go on a genuine date andsotheresmoreiidaxblackreaderouthere.

a/n: hells yeah that’s enough, hopefully I did what ya asked and so sorry I went overboard I have serious problems. here’s the smut part bc a 6.7k fic is doing too damn much but i can’t stfu my fault gang

moodboard here!

Tenya Iida.

4th year, Senior in college majoring in International Business and minoring in Spanish at Angelwood College of Arts and Sciences.

The visual arts building had only been a few minutes away from the business side of campus, which he gladly enjoyed the walk. This spring all he needed to finish was two gen ed classes, the rest revolved around his major and minor. His counselor helped set up his ‘missing’ classes before winter break considering he had to fly back to Japan to see his family for the holidays. He was ecstatic to learn all he needed was an art class with lab and a communications class. 

When he asked what the class entailed, all he was met with was “beginner artists learning anatomy.” It didn’t sound difficult, just draw what you see. It would be nice to try something new anyway. He was not much of an artist but like all things Tenya does, he planned to give this class his all. The first week had been pretty easy, learning how to draw what you see with the use of models, shapes, and lines. Nothing too hard to follow. He would practice drawing his friends on the sketchpad he bought specifically for the class as a form of studying in the free time he had.

He neverminded it for the most part, excelling his knowledge in different countries in his free time to get better at his major. Sure they could teach you the technical way to do things, but in the end, everyone is still human. It would be inconsiderate to do business with a country and know little to nothing about their culture! It took almost two weeks for him to finally be able to even start the art project anyway.

As time went on and the January snow grew less and less, it was time to start their first real project of the semester. One on One figure drawing. The class needed to fill out a form explaining their free hours due to the limited art space and everyone's different schedules. Tenya happily filled it out when it was posted, continuing to work on class work from the library so that the lecture room could also be used for said project.

Their professor had explained that in-person class would remain on Mondays and Thursdays. It just worked out better for the models and students to have so much space.

He made the small walk over to the arts building for his last class of the day, a small shine in his glasses as he entered the white light of the room. The walls were anything but bare, artwork and unfinished projects sat in every corner of the room. Paint racks, canvases big and small, even stacks of unused clay. There was a stool sitting on a small platform in the middle of the room, assuming where the model will sit. 

He stood next to the stool for a moment, looking up at the grey February sky through the skylight. The natural lighting was great, almost like a spotlight. He adjusted the lights in the room a moment, dimming them slightly so the white light hadn’t been so harsh on his eyes. He headed over to a more organized table, setting out the art supplies how he liked. He knew he was early, but he wanted to make a good first impression. What’s better than being on time?

He pulled out his laptop, checking that the few assignments for today were done and submitted. A small frown tugged at his lips as he realized he hadn’t finished something completely, typing in the last few answers. He always double checked, technology was reliable.. When it wanted to be. He couldn’t hear the shuffle of slippers against the floor over his typing and frankly, loud thinking. 

He could see someone walk past in a teal robe representing the university's colors. Glancing up from the computer to give the model a proper hello, Tenya opens his mouth to speak but pauses. 

“Y/n?” He asked, almost in a whisper in case he was wrong. A small look of confusion caused him to tilt his head to the side slightly. He hadn’t been able to see you for awhile with such busy schedules, but he knew your silhouette by heart. 

You turn at the sound of your name, mid sliding off the slippers and fumbling with the gold silk of the belt. “Tenya?” You smile, asking as you turn to slide your shoes back on and quickly shuffle your way over to him. He felt his face burn red, frozen in place for a moment with his jaw slack. He stood as if needing to detach from the seat, smiling at your happy demeanor and your quickness to wrap your arms around him. 

“It is you! I know those shoulders from anywhere!” You beamed, feeling his hovering hands slowly place themselves on your back to return the hug. He was very hesitant, simply because you were only in a robe. You pull away, hands resting on your hips and giving him a big smile. “Now what are you doin’ taking a figure drawing class, Mister businessman?”

He let out a sheepish chuckle, “I needed an art credit, W-What are u doing here?” He never had any classes with you at Angelwood, A few honors classes and gym in highschool but other than that, nada. Throughout the course of growing up, your interests drove you to different classes. 

However, classes don't matter when your families are as close as yours and the Iida family. Shared Holidays, playdates, game nights.. It wasn’t like you were some stranger. You both always made time to hang out a few times during the year to catch up without the family just to give a real check on each other. It was his favorite, almost like a mini holiday to talk to you.

He loved spending time with you. You were smart, articulated and incredibly creative. You never took slack from anyone.. Even in middle school he can remember you being the one to stand up and say something when things weren’t right. You were headstrong and determined in anything that you did.. Art majors always get a lot of grief but you never let that deter you. And that was admirable in itself! ..And he had always thought you were so pretty. 

He felt like a kid again, heart feeling as if it’d beat out of his chest at the mere sight of you. It had been around Halloween the last time he saw you, and here it was. Almost Valentine's day.. Still as pretty and bright as he remembered. Your next hangout wasn't for another month or so, so it was nice to see you sooner than that.

“I'm your model, silly!” You head over to the stool, continuing to speak. “The art department asked if I’d help in modeling and I said yes! People were too scared to sign up for the most part. I’m surprised this is the class you picked. Did you want to learn how to draw people?” You slide your slippers off once more, untying the cute bow on your hip that held your robe shut. 

Suddenly the room was very hot and he couldn't breathe. Now his heart really WAS beating out of his chest. He quickly did a 180, shielding his eyes and removing his glasses for extra measure. “WHY– do yoU have.. nothing on underrrrneath?” He croaked, voice cracking as his tone raised slightly.

You tilt your head at such a question, the gears clicking a little later than they should have. “Figure drawing is um.. Nude drawing, Tenya. You didn't know that?” You slide the robe back on, giggling at the flustered man across from you. You could see his shoulders tense, shaking his head slowly.

Now how the fuck could he have missed that.

“I um.. No, I didn't. I thought that it was.. I don't know what I thought. My counselor picked it for me and I.. Most models we've used so far have.. had skin colored undergarments… On.” He let out a nervous laugh, keeping his glasses off. He turns around, cleaning them with the end of his shirt but refusing to look up at you. He needed to mentally prepare his brain to be professional in a situation like this. Not that he minded the glance, he just never thought this would be how..

You prop your feet onto the edge of the stool, interrupting his thought. You held your knees up to your chest so he couldn’t see anything but your bare legs. “Oh Ten, I’m sorry! I can ask someone else to-”

“No! I am perfectly.. capable. It's professional and I can be.. professional..” He put his glasses back on, hand refusing to be steady as he did so. He let out a shaky sigh, smiling at you and finally looking at you once more.

You let out a small laugh at the blush on his cheeks. He was so handsome, but to see him so flustered over little ol’ you? It made your week. “We can start slow, that might help.” you slide the robe down your shoulders, slowly putting your legs back down so he could see your robed torso once more. You stopped at the top of your breasts, letting your collarbone show. “Do you have any specific poses..?” You ask quietly, trying to hold back your amusement.

He sits down, red faced and completely flushed. A nude model.. jeez. From sleepovers to recess, studying together to graduating, and now almost graduating for the final time together. That's something you don’t get to have in every lifetime. But why do these thoughts keep coming back to him now? 

There was no way he could still have romantic feelings for you. He’d never put your friendship at risk like that!

..right?

“I um.. yeah, small.” He cleared his throat, “Could you um.. Could you stand slightly off of the um.. Almost like getting up?” He fumbled over his words, staring at the empty paper as if he could burn the quick image in his brain onto the page to get the embarrassment over with. He sighed once more, trying to focus as he began sketching circles and lines as a starter sketch of the pose he wanted.

“When you need to draw a certain part I'll move it, Sound fair?” You ask, resting one foot onto the stool and one onto the ground. Your hand gripped the seat as your butt sat on the edge, similar to when people do that supposedly hot thing where they throw their head back and pull some weird rope to have water get poured on them. 

It was second nature at this point for people to see you. Of course some of them were flustered and it was pretty awkward at first, but normally not to the point of stuttering and stammering. It wasn’t often that you saw Tenya fall apart, but this was way different. Especially considering you flashed him without warning. He was one of the most endearing people you had ever met, there was no way you would have done that without proper context.

He could only nod in response, not wanting to further make a fool of himself. Lightly tapping the pencil against the table, He looks up at you. “You can um.. re.. remove the top part, y/n..” It was hard to simply draw your arms and collarbone without including the robe, so you might as well rip the band-aid off and start with the top. 

You nod, dropping it happily and letting the robe pull around your hips and between your legs. You close your eyes, facing up toward the skylight in an attempt to make him less nervous. “Sorry for flashing you at first, I would have explained but I assumed you had already known..?” You laugh quietly to yourself at your own mistake. Why would someone like him even take this class if he knew what it actually entailed?

And God, did he feel like a pervert staring at your chest like this. The boner poking his thigh almost immediately didn't help, making it even harder to concentrate. Way to keep composure. He pressed his lips together for a moment before speaking. “I had no idea, I’m sorry for my r..reaction.” He answered, stopping the pencil tapping to actually begin sketching more than just circles and lines. He hadn’t meant to yell, but he felt like he was close to passing out. 

“I think it was a pretty valid one.” You send a reassuring smile his way, seeing him send you one right back. Trying to ease the mood, you look back up at the ceiling and close your eyes to avoid staring at the ugly overcast sky above you. “How was winter break? You get to go home and see your family? How are they?” 

His smile grew wider at your question, scooting under the desk a bit more so that you hopefully wouldn’t notice his body reacting. “They’re great, Tensei is getting married soon,” He sounded excited at the thought alone, incredibly proud of his brother. 

“And my mother has started a hobby making soap, if you can believe it. She sent me some to bring back one that smells like lavender and another that smells like oranges mixed with I believe she said papaya.? She made a coconut smelling one for you– I was going to give it to you the next time we saw each other,” 

The sound of his sketching stopped and started as he spoke, giving your body small glances as he tried to study each part of your upper torso. The way your stomach creased, The way your shoulder was slightly lifted causing your collarbone to be more prominent, the curve of your breasts.. “How was your Holiday, y/n?”

“No way, Tensei is getting married?!” You accidentally stop posing, fully facing him in genuine shock. The robe was still covering your lower half, you had tied the belt to avoid accidentally flashing him again but here we are. You watch his face become even more red, eyes very obviously not meeting yours but still like a deer in headlights. 

You quickly get back to posing how you were, “Sorry Ten, That's amazing!! I hope everything goes smoothly for him and his soon to be wife.. And tell your mommy I said thank you for thinking of me. I can't wait to try it!”

A smile stayed on your lips as you thought about the times you’ve spent in the Iida household. His mother always had the best candles and incense burning, you were positive the soap would be the same. “My family is up to the same old shit, you know them..” You let out a small groan, the holidays weren’t an absolute disaster, but after not being home so long makes you remember why you aren’t going to school anywhere near home. 

“I did get some cool stuff for Christmas though! I got some new clothes and they got me a few art kits. You know, where it teaches you how to crochet? I also have a new diamond painting kit, I haven't opened either yet because it's just been so busy.” You replied, tapping your fingers on the side of the stool where your hand sat. 

You look up once more, this time because the skylight was beginning to be covered in snow. You watched as it fell, thinking back to old times when you and Tenya would spend the last three major holidays with each other. You’d always make sure to trick or treat together, your families have been sharing Thanksgiving for as long as you can remember, and spending the night in your basement on Christmas eve to wait for Santa until you were both too old. Then instead of waiting for Santa, you’d all eat at least one meal together on Christmas day. Sometimes homemade breakfast, other times a small trip to IHOP or Waffle House.

“God damn it.. It’s snowing again..” You let out a small laugh, looking over at him over your shoulder, fingers still tapping away at the base of the stool. “Hey Ten, Do you remember when we used to have those big snowball fights? The one near Red Fern?” 

“Of course I do! You refused to wear any kind of gloves and my mother would make you at least put socks on your hands so you didn’t get frostbite!” The two of you shared a small laugh at the memories of being young and dumb.

“Gloves always made my hands too itchy! They still do– But I kicked your ass in snowball fights with gloves or not.” You retort, a smirk appearing on your face. “Ice queen y/n of everything.” You could remember the insane snowball fights the neighborhood kids would have every. time. It snowed. If there was enough to make a few snowballs, there was enough to start a war. Tenya was always on your team, but it never stopped you from throwing a few his way. The ‘winner’ was King or Queen of the hill and first to sled down, which often enough was you.

“Remember when you almost broke my glasses throwing one right at my face?” He snickered, watching your smirk turn into a small pouty frown. He knew you didn’t mean to, that same day you helped your mom make cookies for him and his family as an apology, even though he wasn’t upset to begin with. But you knew it could have broken his glasses and you would be devastated if you were the reason for it. You were a real sweetheart, even if you had a weird way of showing sometimes.

“Hey! You know that wasn’t on purpose, I felt really bad after! I even let you get me back!” Which was true, but he never aimed for your face. Always a spot on your fluffy coat, never your legs because you hated your pants being wet… and a face shot just felt wrong to him. 

“Yeah, Yeah. I remember that part too,” He smiled to himself. “Those were really good times.. I remember Tensei always bringing us hot chocolate and we’d sit on your porch and draw things in the snow..”

“Oh! And when we’d come back all wet and mom already had spare clothes in her hands because she didn’t want it on the carpet. We’d put on too big clothes just to sit and watch Christmas movies..” You missed those times. But they never really had to stop, you two could have a huge snowball fight after this if you wanted to and the snow stuck. Was he too grown for that? Would it even sound fun to him?

“Do you still watch A Year Without Santa Clause every year?” He asks, breaking your train of thought. You nodded quickly at his question, grinning like a maniac. “Of course I do! And I watch Charlie Brown’s Christmas, Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer.. And sometimes Spongebob's Christmas Special. Do you still watch old Christmas cartoons?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Don’t wanna ruin tradition.” He answered, pressing his lips together slightly as he stared down at the paper. You can tell he freezes a bit, the sound of his scribbling coming to a stop. He set the pencil down, rubbing the sweat of his hands onto his thighs.

 “You can um.. remOove-..” He quickly cleared his throat, “The rest.” He let out a disappointed sigh at his inability to keep composure. This wouldn't be half the problem it was if it was someone else modeling. But this is you we're talking about. 

“You sure? If you need a minute we can take a break, honey.” You gave him a sympathetic look, still smiling but this time more.. warm. The kind of smile someone gives to another when they genuinely care for them. Or love them for that matter. He adored it, it was the same smile you'd give him when saying he needs to take a break, the same smile you give him when the two of you out to get coffee and catch up. The same smile he's fallen for many, many times. 

But to tell you the truth? It’s driving him crazy. All of this. Was driving him crazy. No matter how hard he tried to be professional, he could stop his wandering mind. You were a goddess. What else was there to do besides take a break and hopefully release some steam in the bathroom or something. Completely inappropriate, but the pain from being hard for so long was starting to cloud the best judgment. 

He looks down at the sketch so far, then back to you as he rubbed his hand upward against his face. It pushed his glasses up, causing them to be crooked when going back down. “I um.. I think I do.. need a minute.” His voice died out as he watched you slide the robe back on, words failing him because couldn’t think completely straight.

© if you like what you see please reblog! It means a lot and helps me out. Want more? Heres my m.list! I write for x black reader so throw me some requests :P my other account are icons and x black reader moodboards if you’re interested!

thank you @thecutestgrotto for the banners and thank you @fizzintine for coloring the top pic!

have a good day/night/whatever!