#there's nothing quite like what she does
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There's something about reading really great writing that's so relaxing. You can just sit back and let the words wash over you, knowing that you can trust the writer.
#random thought of the day#books#part of the reason i'm not getting writing done today was because i spent most of my free time reading from books i've let sit for too long#i haven't been able to sink into good fiction for a while#so elizabeth goudge felt like a spiritual experience#cleansing and uplifting#it always takes me a while to get into her books#there's a learning curve of a couple of chapters to adjust to the style#but once i break through it's bliss#it becomes easy as breathing#there's nothing quite like what she does#i love books that understand that goodness isn't boring or trite#you don't need to have 'darkness' and 'grit' to be complex#like one bit that took my breath away was the talk about sallie and david's marriage struggles#they're both good people who love each other#but they also have their differences because they're human and that causes struggles#not marriage-breaking struggles just nuanced life struggles#and i'm not sure i've seen something like that in a book before#it's a good marriage they married the right people but that doesn't mean life is perfect#goudge uderstands that marriage isn't happily ever after--heaven is#and a good marriage is two people partnering up to help each other reach that goal#it's so much more adult than any 'complex adult' work i've seen
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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I realized that Maizuru, despite being with Kabru's party for a while, still gets Holm's race wrong.
At first I thought it was kind of the joke of the whole thing. Calling Marcille a frog woman, Holm a dwarf, and getting Rin's name wrong. Holm looks tired, annoyed or maybe a bit embarrassed by this mistake. He's the only one who's background is not "explosive". Marcille's and Rin's are, and his is just plain, dark, and with those lines at the bottom. Why? Maybe for comedical effect. Probably because he's been telling her he's a gnome before this. Just like Chilchuck doesn't like being called a kid and people still call him that, Holm doesn't like being called a dwarf and people keep calling that.
It's not uncommon for people to mix those races, and since Shuro's party isn't the best with races (they don't even know Chil's a half-foot) they probably just think Holm is a wierd-looking dwarf. They probably hadn't seen any gnomes before. If it was Maizuru's first time seeing a gnome and calling it a dwarf, it could be understandable. But she's been with kabru's party long enough to realize that that dwarf is, actually, a gnome.
I think she doesn't believe Holm is a gnome, just like Marcille or Senshi don't believe Chil's an adult.
That's the face of someone who's tired of this shit. It's like when someone tries to guess your country just by the way you look. There's maybe a bit of ignorance at first, but I think Maizuru is deliberately deciding to not believe Holm when he tells her he's a gnome for the first time. And he's so done.
#holm kranom#my poor boy is being victim to fantasy racism yet again#why racism? i think its pretty obvious. trying to guess what he is by looks (from where someone is by looks)#i think its quite racist. because... idk its like when people doesnt believe a potatoe-white blonde blue-eyed mf is not arab or latino#like. not because you look one way means youre part of that group. and well. Dwarves and gnomes get usually mixed up by people who dont know#maizuru might not know shes being racist here but she is and holm looks so done because this has happend way too many times before#idk#i love how Kuy does her's worldbuilding so reallistic <3#holm you can kill the lady if you please <3#holm#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#holm dungeon meshi#he might be old enough to be mature about it but he's getting tired of this misconception and you can see it on his face#AOUGH#i might be reading a bit too much into it#but i think kuy does nothing just because and this cant be a coincidence#<3#rin#rinsha fana#marcille#marcille donato#maizuru dungeon meshi#<- mentioned#btw on anime they dont show this#they just make this guy smile#my shit
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saw your most recent post about really good fics that contain uncomfortable kinks and i immediately thought "ah, biscia must be reading the mpreg soriel fic" and almost left a reply talking about it but i stopped myself because i realized that would be an insane assumption to make. needless to say i felt so vindicated when i saw you link it in an earlier post.
like. HELLO?
HELLO???????
#answered asks#''I fear nothing good ever comes of it when it does'' is straight up SEARED into my brain as the toriel line of all time I've ever read#there's some character interpretations I don't share there. like i said i don't think either of them would cry that easily#and while the different conception (badumtss) of sex/gender in various monsters was interesting#i felt like it didn't quite deal with the ramifications of not strictly binary reproductions on social perception of gender like I could've#eg the part about boss monsters being closer to humans in how it works and thus having a different concept of mom/dad compared to skeletons#was pretty nice. but if you establish that skeletons work like ghosts but distinguish she/he ''for some reason'' even though all of them#can bear kids. and then you make a comment about ''the child possibly growing into a woman considering the shape of the pelvis'' it's like#why??????? why. whywhywhy. why would that be a factor. even hypothesizing a certain physical dimorphism. WHY pick the one tied to pregnancy#the ONE ASPECT that you decided was shared between both ''male'' and ''female'' skeletons#it's also like. objectively an argument that is leveraged to hurt and deny trans people irl so it was just. unbelievably uncomfortable#this is what we mean with mpreg and transphobia btw#not that the concept is inherently transphobic or hurtful to trans people#but that that kind of alternative biological worldbuilding implies an alternative social conception of gender role for the characters#that a lot of authors just. straight up miss. because their view of the world is still very cis/perisexist#BUT!!!!!!!!!!#it was still over all a very good fic. I'd rec it to pll not into that for the initial 2 chapters alone
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The way the entire "Previously on The Mallorca Files..." segment is literally just... Max and Miranda's entire personal relationship progression, from reluctant work partners/compañeros to Max having to correct people that Miranda is not his girlfriend to almost kissing while dancing the paso doble to Carmen rejecting Max's proposal like plot? What plot? You mean this show is supposed to be about solving crimes?? I am LIVING!!!
#AND THEN!!!!!#max has a fantasy sequence in which he almost kisses miranda???#the WHO???? in the WHAT NOW?????#and his dad sees them interact for two seconds and already has something to say to max about it that is 'nothing he didn't already know'???#could it be?????#could the tv gods have decided to give me everything I want bc I have nothing else in my life that sparks joy quite like this???#we shall soon find out I guess#but the fact that they've disappeared carmen and only to bring her back later in the season with a job offer in madrid (per the trailer)#does seem to hint at... some interesting developments#I seem to have lost the ability to get excited about tv couples anymore but this is... satisfyingly close#ALSO miranda is speaking more spanish this season than she ever has before (which is not a lot but still)#and it is... doing things to me#gracias por tanto perdón por tan poco#thoughts no one cares about
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The moment he knew they were soulmates. And he was going to love her forever.
She had always known he was her soulmate this was just the confirmation.
#rina#hsmtmts#rina week 2023#I have been trying to write but honestly nothing good is coming out so this is what I got for day 2!#I love 4.06 they have always been soulmates destined to be but I love that Ricky was given a specific moment to just sit#with that realization#ALSO the line so it’s true I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you being said OUT LOUD to Gina’s face was important#because like we knew that and he knew that but it’s like him reconfirming that she really is the reason he does everything he has ever done#since they met like real time realization romantic epiphany!!!!!!#and for her she has always known like it was just a fact of life since homecoming that he is her person#but it’s her looking at him after saying I love you him wanting to say it first her wanting him to say it first and him giving her what she#needs like always#she just gets to sit there staring at him knowing that never quitting will get you what you want get you what you NEED#he was worth the wait and she knew he would be that’s what soulmates do!!!!!!!!
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The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together
#The question about what makes a person themselves is super interesting#Is it the memories? Is it personality? Is it body? Is it resemblance? What about narrative reiteration?#Bronya is not Silver Wolf but they're both HI3 Bronya but also they're not#Is March the same person she once was? What about the Trailblazer? Welt looks at Himeko and Silver Wolf and feels like drowning#but he is looking at nothing other than something eerily recognisable#Vidyadhara are reborn anew as if washed clean but Dan Heng's process was skewed. What does it mean to Dan Heng?#He has the body he has the moves he has the stern haughty air he has muddy memories he can't quite recall but something stays#Is he or is he not the same? Where does one end and the other start? Where do they overlap?#Does how others regard him influence whether he is or isn't Dan Feng?#Does the memories of others weight more than your own memories and will?#What does constitute a person? How is selfhood constructed? What are the ontological implications of all this?#If you respond to these questions one way in one context when it comes to one character‚ can you confidently reply the same thing#in a different context for a different character? If not‚ why? What does it say?#It's not a straight up answer. The question is what's interesting and it's what makes Dan Heng's story interesting#Seeing it dogmatically negated mainly for the purpose of a ship annoys me a lot#It is a constant in HSR but it's even more clear after playing HI3. This problematic about what constitute identify and selfhood#and whether or not they're the same thing is a constant there too. With Kiana‚ with Otto‚ with Kevin‚ with Fu Hua‚ with the simulations#of the Flame Chasers most notably with Mobius but in general with the continuation of their goals and feelings‚ Klein as human and as ELF‚#the iteration of consciences of the Herrschers‚ the puppets of the Herrscher of Domination‚ the influence of the Herrscher of Corruption‚#the many times characters are found in different universes being slightly different yet recognisable‚ the amount of times characters seem#to reiterate existences in different eras‚ echoing past selves with past faces yet different‚...#And usually it's not easy to respond to all of them with the same answer‚ which only opens more questions. It's extremely interesting#and it's obviously a topic Honkai as a game cares about a lot. But no. Nothing matters. Dan Heng *is* Dan Feng yes or yes no questions asked#No problematic. No questioning. No doubts. All usually because of a ship. That the drive. I don't know... I'm all for shipping#but I quite dislike when shipping gets so out of hand it crushes and brushes off good writing or core motifs in a text. It's... shabby#And it saddens me haha. Why do you even care about these characters and their dynamic if you're erasing core traits of them as characters?#Abfkabdkkd anyway...#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#But I had to vent a little. It annoys me a lot this kind of approach to analysis what can I say
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I hate the everyone looks down on/dislikes this person who did nothing wrong trope on comic books and that may be why i'm not that fond of stephcass but who knows
#their relationship is very complex and i love that#but steph is fucked over by everyone who crosses her path and the fact that cass joins in on that kills me on the inside#like i get why she does it but i still dont like it#cassandra is quite literally the only person who values steph on the batfamily and she still doesnt value her enough#she is always knocking steph out consistently disregards what she wants and her ability to get anything done and admits to agreeing w bruce#that was such a heartbreaking moment btw. the way cass hurt her and went on to ask if theyre still friends#“friends dont stab each other in the back” :(#cass considers steph a liability and nothing is more of a turn off for me in a ship than characters looking down on their partners#stephcass#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#comics#comic books#dc#dc comics#my dc posts
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#what a brave boy#I mean I don't know what wangxian were trying to do here#for one thing what's JGY going to do about this? he's not strong enough to fight you off especially since he's been poisoned#and if he stays and does what you want... Minshan is definitely going down for his part in everything anyway!#like they aren't actually going to let him go#they aren't letting JGY go on the principle of the thing why would they let Su She go?#there's actually nothing JGY can do about this but feel bad so Minshan says “don't feel bad”#Also Minshan can teleport he's probably the worst person to take hostage he can just leave!#Just walk out! You can leave! If it sucks hit da bricks! Real Winners Quit!#- Minshan probably#su she#jin guangyao#more implied but still#suyao
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Spicy Addams Family AU? 🔥
The curtains fluttered in the breeze, the air simply too hot to close all the windows. They swayed further into the library and then back towards the sun streaming in, as if gossiping with the rays and the shelves about what they witnessed.
His mouth was hot against hers, tongues dallying in a way she had never imagined tongues could do. She had never seen him quite so demanding, always soft spoken and amiable. He was a true gentleman, and the gentleman had his hand sliding up her leg, heavy skirts of her dress be damned.
Thena turned the page delicately, as if the sound of it would immediately alert her mother to the book of hers Thena had found sitting unguarded. She wasn't allowed to read any of Mother's romances. Something about them not being for her eyes. But she was quite ready to be free of her parents, she thought. And it was just a book.
Gil would tell her to read it.
Her back hit the shelves behind her as they continued in their lasciviousness. He uttered a sound that rumbled from his chest. His hands grew feverish, clawing up her dress until he could grasp her thigh and hoist her higher. His lips, ever demanding, pressed to her neck, following the path of her throat to the neckline of her dress.
Thena sunk further down against her many pillows. Her legs twisted under her plush white duvet. The prose of the book were certainly romantic. Perhaps more...detailed than she would have expected.
He pushed her dress up further and further. The skirts of it pooled up around him until she no longer had an unobstructed view of him. She had half a mind to ask what he was doing, but the half a mind she possessed still became hazy. His mouth pressed to the inside of her thigh, dragging her stockings down and out of his way. She did not know mouths were meant for these sorts of things.
What sorts of things?
His tongue found her first. That clever, gentle and sometimes overly honest tongue he possessed. It touched her in her barest form, sliding around the bends and folds of her. He pressed it firmly to the nerves collected at the peak of her womanhood. She had never felt such sensations before.
Thena shifted in her bed again. She wasn't entirely sure what nerves they were talking about, nor why they were calling it 'her womanhood'. She swallowed but it sounded dry to her ears, her room otherwise deathly silent. Not even Theseus was awake.
Her back arched. She ran her fingers through the thick locks of dark hair upon his head. He kissed her between her legs the same way he had her mouth. Sounds she had never before uttered escaped her. Her cheeks were flushed hot. The rest of her flushed hotter.
Thena indeed found herself pressing her fingertips to her cheeks. Her legs squirmed again. She made a face as she pressed her thighs together, a curious sensation building between them. She could picture the happenings of the book well. The man with his broad shoulders, his dark hair.
It built and built until she was on the precipice of undoing. She tilted her head up, her breasts heaving against her corset. The thick collection of her brown hair-
No, no that wasn't right. Thena squeezed her eyes shut, her legs rubbing like a cricket's. That wasn't what was in her head. She dug her shoulders into her pillow. She lost where she was on the page, hunting to continue.
His manhood-
Again with the obscurities. She at least knew the word for it.
His manhood throbbed in the open air. She had little time to examine it in its glory before he was bringing her hips closer, to the very edge of the ladder until they could be joined.
They had moved to the ladder in the bit she missed. Oh well.
She allowed him to enter her, filling her in ways she had never imagined. Her whole body folded around him, pulsing with the beating of her heart. He was thick, and he began moving immediately.
Thena pressed her lips together. Her hips swivelled and she slipped a hand under the covers. She too had to inch up the hem of her nightdress until she could find her own skin. There was a dampness between her thighs that was most certainly not her monthly.
He moved gently at first, rocking like waves against the shore. This was the act of love making. The physical profession of love, she thought. Two bodies entangled in the most intimate sense of the word. She slid her arm across his wide shoulders and tugged at the hair at the back of his head. Lovemaking was all well and good, but she wanted more.
She had heard fucking was also the physical act of love.
Thena breathed heavier as she read. Lovemaking in the poetic language became detailed, bordering on graphic. The man grew more energetic, words like 'pounding' and 'rutting' jumping out at her from the page. Her fingers, now coated in the wetness between her legs, ventured further.
Her jaw dropped faintly as she pushed where she had not pushed before. Perhaps this was the collection of nerves of which they spoke. She touched it lightly at first, before realising certain angles were too much. She changed approach, rubbing it downward from above.
She let out a faint moan, still far too loud for her echously large room lit only by her lamp. She pressed her head into her pillow, no longer concerned with what was happening on the page.
They were in the middle of fucking, as it were. The man was 'pounding' into her, his 'thickness' moving in and out of her at such speeds. Hips were rolling, bodies were writhing, it was all quite a lot.
"Gil."
She didn't mean to say it. It just...slipped out. Her mind was moving faster than before, but she also wasn't thinking clearly. Her fingers moved faster, trying to bring about something. Her head rolled to the side.
She could imagine Gil as the book's beloved hero. He was tall, with broad shoulders, dark hair. He was kind, and had a sweet nature to him, but not without his own sense of mischief.
Gil had soft looking lips. He had a wide back and thick arms. He was warm, and he always smelled nice whenever they were in close proximity. His hand would hold hers gently as they went up or down the stairs.
She could imagine Gil's lips on her neck, like in the book. She could practically feel his hands on her skin, his sturdy but gentle grip holding her as he grasped her thighs.
"Gil," she whimpered, tracing around those nerves again. There was more wetness, now. Her hands did grow feverish (the book was right).
He would kiss her like that. She would know what it felt like for his incoming moustache to scratch her skin. Perhaps he would kiss her between her legs, like in this library scene. Would they make love? Or would they fuck?
"Yes," she gasped, eyes sealed shut and hand moving faster. He would whisper sweetly to her, call her pretty like he did that day it was raining.
Something was coming. She tried to bring it forth. She picked up speed, changed angle, went back when she felt it slipping further away. Her breathing became feverish and she felt the flush in her skin spread all over her body.
Thena rolled onto her side, squeezing her thighs around her hand as her insides pulsed rapidly. She dug her nails into her pillow and held her lips together as she made sounds she'd never heard herself make. It felt like a fever, like her muscles had been tense and finally released. It felt like relief.
She rolled onto her back again, practically panting for breath, for which she felt a little foolish. It was just her in here, with her hand and a book. She could understand why mother had forbade her from reading them. Such heretical things they printed!
She picked up the fallen book, eagerly searching for where she had left off. Not that she would be resuming her activity with it, but it was still a story in need of completion.
She nearly yelped as a tapping on her window startled her. The book fell from her grasp as she looked at her balcony. It was Gil's messenger, a corvid named Mandu. She cleared her throat, pulling up the strap of her nightdress and wrapping her shawl around her to greet the bird properly. "Come in."
The creature obliged, flapping from the rail of the balcony to her writing desk, tilting his head.
Thena flushed with guilt. Gil was asking if she'd read the book he had sent her home with from their last visit. And if she hadn't been distracted by her mother's...diversion, she would have finished it by now.
The bird eyed her, surely wanting to return home.
"Sorry," she gave him an apologetic smile before hurriedly scribbling a reply.
She was extra sorry for lying. She wouldn't normally!--not to Gil, at least. But this was a unique circumstance. So just this once, she would tell a small fib. And she would read the book right away! It wouldn't be a fib for long.
She examined the hastily scribbled message.
It's a beautiful story. I can see why you treasure it so. I'll tell you all the parts I loved most when you visit next week.
They never bothered addressing their little messages anymore. It was too formal for a correspondence they engaged in almost daily. She spritzed the paper lightly with the perfume she had been given for her birthday before folding the letter and securing it to Mandu's back.
"Thank you," she smiled at the dark feathered messenger. "Safe travels."
The bird nodded to her, too smart to crow loudly in the dead of night. He took off again, flying into the bright moonlight outside. Thena closed her glass doors with a sigh, feeling as if she'd been caught in the midst of something scandalous.
She looked over at Theseus, still asleep under his heat lamp, much to her relief. No, it was her business alone what she was doing, or reading. That book could wait though. If need be, she would return it to mother the very next morning to avoid suspicion. She could say she left it in the sunroom and feared the cover would fade in the light.
She had to finish Gil's book first. If she finished it, her message would not be a lie anymore. And then she could feel at least a little less guilty about the events of this night.
How she would look him in the eye when she did see him next was another matter entirely.
#Thenamesh Addams Family AU#I hope you like it anon!#I know it's a little different but I don't think they're quite they're yet#Thenamesh 18+#don't read this at work of course#listen Thena is growing a little rebellious#reading her mother's books#lying#messaging a boy in the middle of the night#she does read the book all through the night#it's a beautiful story and she makes sure to remember what she can tell Gil about#he comes over and asks her all about it#she tells him all the details she loved#but also...#she can't stop staring#she keeps looking at his lips and gazing at him with dreamy eyes#she tells herself to get a grip#it was...nothing#it was like a dream#a dream no one must know about#poor Gil has no idea#he got the letter from Mandu and gets a whiff of the perfume and thinks she's so cute#what escapes Thena is that he was so dying to talk to her that he wrote that message#woke Mandu in the middle of the goddamn night like 3 in the morning#and is like sorry buddy will you take this to Thena?#lovesick things they are#Mandu is like bro are you serious right now??#Thena has a pure white carrier pigeon named Pearl
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bye bela :(
#she doesnt come back in liams run sadly ;;#i can never get her approval quite high enough oops#(tbf tho im not making a Huge Effort since thats how it happened the first time and its a replay run anyways)#laya plays dragon age#liam for his part is. so so pissed rn#what the FUCK isabla what do you MEAN you need that relic???#like. what. you would trade having one guy off your back for having THE QUNARI hunting you down????#he is. VERY goddamn angry in that qunari compound. at isabela but also just in general at Everything#that being said he still cant bring himself to tell the arishok that isabela has the tome#in part out of spite towards the arishok but also bc he genuinely doesnt know if the relic was there and/or if bela has it now#and if it wasnt then isabela might get hunted and killed for nothing#and if she does have it? well theyre gonna find out soon enough#stop fucking acting like this is all his fault somehow#if it were for him once the qunari attack he'd frantically gather up his friends and gamlen and evacuate somewhere safe#he does NOT want to be in the arishoks line of sight when he goes on a rampage#(hah. we all know how that works out LOL)
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Here *throws random and actually much more important than I realised at first OC redesign at you after two and a half years since the OG*
Meifeng, Ming-Hua’s cousin! I just randomly remembered that she exists while putting together my OC family tree and since the only art I have of her is… nearly 3 years old and mediocre at best, and Kat and I have recently spent so much time focusing on Red Lotus siblings, I thought “Hey, why not redraw her? Just because she’s a cousin and not a sister doesn’t make her any less special than Lien-Hua, Summiya, Aiza or Haya!” (On that note… Nia give someone a brother challenge. The only one that counts is Aiza and she’s only a brother half the time)
Some headcanons about her, both new and old (the old copy-pasted over and slightly edited to save everyone the second hand embarrassment of going to look at my old art), which will go under the cut because this has gotten LONG:
Old:
Older than Ming-Hua by around 10 years
Her dad is the older half-brother of Ming-Hua's mom who’s… not the most fond of their side of the family
Has never left her home in the Foggy Swamp Water Tribe
Master healer, specialises in children. Can't have any of her own because of the high pollution levels in the swamp which is why she puts all those motherly instincts into teaching and caring for kids
Got a scar on her leg while saving Ming-Hua from some wild swamp creature when the latter was a child who was absolutely convinced she could handle everything herself and never listened to anyone. Ming-Hua still insists she had everything under control that day
She tried to understand Ming-Hua's perspective on things, she really did, but ultimately tribe mentality and fear for her cousin’s safety, believing her not to be nearly as capable as she claims to be, won over
Attempted to stop Ming-Hua from running away but was, obviously, unsuccessful
Was the one consoling Nuying after Ming-Hua left
Helped Suiren learn waterbending and held genuine affection for the girl, although she ultimately refused when Suiren begged for the chance for her and Midori to escape from Haya and live with the tribe. She thought that while Suiren would most likely adjust well, Midori was simply too Gaoling to survive in a place as dark, damp and isolated as the Swamp. She regrets that decision every day since she found out Suiren became an assassin
Mourned Ming-Hua more than anyone else in the tribe when informed of her death
New:
Was the one who babysat Ming-Hua a lot when Nuying was going through one of her depressive episodes after Cadeo left, and Ming-Hua actually enjoyed spending time with her because she was a lot less overbearing and protective than her mother. Was the first person to start calling her Ming. Sometimes Ming-Ming, but Ming-Hua had a tendency to deliver a very hard kick to the shins every time she tried that
Never left Nuying’s side when she got sick in the years following Ming-Hua’s disappearance, no matter how much everyone, including her own father, told her to stay away, there’s nothing she can do to help her. In her final moments, Nuying was delirious with fever and called out for Ming-Hua. Meifeng didn’t have the heart to remind her that her daughter left so instead let her hair down, covered her own hand in water and told Nuying that she was “right here, mom. I’m right here” and stayed like that until Nuying passed
When Ming-Hua returned, Meifeng was the one to break the news to her. Later, when Ming-Hua asked how and when it happened, she couldn’t quite stop herself from snapping at her because she should have been there, Meifeng shouldn’t have had to pretend to be her so her mother could die without worrying about where her daughter was. Their relationship never really fully recovered after that fight
Still, she had met Suiren when she was little on the rare occasions when the Red Lotus passed through the Swamp and Ming-Hua chose to take her daughter to visit the tribe. She never met Midori, but she did see Ming-Hua pregnant with her once
Didn’t know about Ming-Hua’s imprisonment until an 11-year-old Suiren told her because world news don’t reach into the heart of the Swamp. She just thought they had decided to stop visiting. The news crushed her but… a part of her couldn’t help but go “you should have fucking listened to me when I told you to stay, then this wouldn’t have happened”
Her teaching Suiren waterbending involved mostly the basics of combat (she herself doesn’t know much of it since she’s a healer), plantbending and healing. Suiren reached her level of mastery and proficiency as well as figured out icebending on her own through sheer determination and spite (she’s so much like her mama 🥹🥹🥹)
Is the only one from the tribe Suiren had ever confessed to about being an assassin. That knowledge broke her heart and she spent all those years absolutely terrified that Suiren would meet Ming-Hua’s fate. When Suiren stopped visiting at one point (when she left for her mission to kill Kuvira, got injured, recovered at ATI, reunited with her parents, broke Kuvira out and started living with her, etc etc) she had assumed that it really did happen, until Suiren randomly showed up one day with Kuvira in tow (Meifeng did not approve bc of the whole spirit vine thing 😅)
Absolutely reunited with Ming-Hua at some point and it was an extremely emotional moment
Ripped Cadeo a new one when he suddenly appeared looking for his daughter after 45+ years after it became common knowledge that the RL are all alive and no longer wanted by the law
All in all… quite an interesting character that I really should do something with at some point, bc how come Ming-Hua’s family is the only one to get 0 attention in our discussions?? #justiceformeifeng2024
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl meifeng#she doesn’t actually appear in any of my works. let alone sotrl. but she exists in that verse#and it’s the verse in which she plays the most major role so… that’s what her tag is now#anyway#it doesn’t seem that way but she really is a very emotionally conflicting character for me#because she was in the position to get Suiren and Midori away from Haya only four years after they were left with her#which would have left them with 75% less trauma#but she didn’t. coming up with quite a bullshit excuse#yes Midori would have missed the sun and everything but the swamp is still miles better than Haya#meifeng must have seen his skittish Suiren is. how skinny. how bruised#and yet she did nothing. yet another adult whose inaction led to tragedy#ugh. imagine a UtOS-style au where she does take them in and while the biggest obstacle is the trauma#Midori does have an insanely hard time adjusting#she’d probably spend most of her time by the giant tree because the sun gets through there#and maybe one day.. she’d run into one cranky old earthbender#who takes her up as a protege for old times’ sake#(and later hooks her up with her granddaughter– WHO SAID THAT??)#and Suiren would grow up to be a swamp warrior who decides to go after Kuvira when she harvests the spirit vines#I’m a fucking genius#Kat if you’re reading this. look at what fun new branch of the multiverse my brain just spat out!! come yell about it with me!!!#but okay. that is currently besides the point. back to meifeng#you know…#‘oh my art has really stagnated I feel like I haven’t improved in years’#BITCH THIS YOU?? look at the OG version and look at this and TELL ME you haven’t improved#my self hatred may be intense but even I can admit that I’ve gotten much better at drawing. in the character design department at least
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lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake
#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH#also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl#how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break#thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo#HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance#but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart#it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends#odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway#yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh#also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the#persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway#i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was#basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them#and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok#im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE#oops it was nothing#....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway#also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real#my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige#three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp#......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF#my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like#treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡#crushposting
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damn... octavia "rook" laidir's chokehold on me !
#personal#my ocs#i think about her every day. she makes me feel fucking insane. and i haven't even made her yet#a pirate a thief a murderer a terrible sister a faildaughter. and yet !! and yet !!!!!!!!!#she not only doesn't quit she will go and go and go and go until she starts falling apart. she is a dog with a bone in all matters#i'm going for a kazuma asogi vibe with her honestly LMAO like the way she is just SET on what she believes and will not let it go#also sucks being a lord of fortune with a panic attack inducing fear of drowning but woe ! near death experience be upon ye#recruiting [redacted] is a nightmare scenario for her. she said yeah let's go in. in there. in the ocean (freaking out)#and to catch feelings for a grey warden of all people. the person most likely to either tragically sacrifice himself or just Die Young#octavia taking a drink of vodka straight from the bottle like Is anyone else having one of the years of all time or is it just me#and on top of all that !! she eventually has to accept that her sister wants nothing to do with her anymore#she has to finally confront that forgiveness is not guaranteed and that their relationship may just be truly over. even if she says sorry#and that kills her a little bit bc she does genuinely care abt her family. but she made some egregious choices years ago#and now she has to live with the quencies !!!!#and she's selfish enough to want to avoid that. like. she doesn't even necessarily want to be her sister's bestie--#--she just doesn't want to be punished for her mistakes. she isn't Aware of that per se but that's what it is#she's a fuckup she's a loser she's a liar she's headstrong and stubborn and deeply caring and so in over her head#OCTAVIA THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE IN MY HEAD !!!!!!
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durge yves is so very jaded about everything because nothing compares to the euphoria bhaal grants from killing that she latches onto anything that piques her interest. to the point that performing surgeries and experiments on her own self gets so boring that she stopped for a time. she also has very little regard over her own body, not caring what happens to it because it's merely a vessel for bhaal and he can make and remake it as he wishes. i think the moment orin betrays yves that's one of the few times she feels excitement and joy, and when she was experimented on by kressa then shoved in that pod she was ecstatic about it. it's different. it's a change. she enjoyed it so very much that the moment she awoke in the nautiloid she can't help but smile. she doesn't know why, hardly can remember anything about herself, but for some reason she feels a certain excitement; an anticipation of a hunt.
#like all her senses was drowned out by that certain euphoria else wise if she regains a semblance of her past sane mind#she'll go running back to kelemvor lol. which is what she does in act 1 except in act 2 she feels that familiar euphoria again#and it feels like home to her.. and it's something so warm and inviting that she feels herself slipping into it.....#to me yves' durges/dark urges is this kind of siren song state that lulls her in#makes her feel so warm and good and homey and cozy and all things nice#she blanks out when she's drowning in it and every drop of blood feels so good against her skin#and she doesn't register that she's killing someone. it's like an out of body state of euphoria for her#and durge yves would've indulged on that feeling over and over and over and over that nothing else compares anymore#everything is so boring..! nothing is worth doing..!! except killing for bhaal.#and she finds gortash mildly interesting bc his mind is so diabolical. does not care about ketheric at the slightest til she learns about#his immortal state now she's fantasizing about killing him then stitching him up and killing him over and over#she finds orin entertaining bc she reminds her of a roach somewhat. someone so resilient despite being beaten down quite literally#like durge yves was very much orin's abuser to me. she's her fave squeaky toy that she throws and beats and plays with over and over#and every time she breaks orin she'll heal her back up to break her again <3 so the betrayal and lobotomy was very much deserved#anyway thought was brought to u by me doodling yves in that pod knocking her head against it and laughing and cackling#she'd enjoy that sm i fear...#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers
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