#there's nothing quite like what she does
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There's something about reading really great writing that's so relaxing. You can just sit back and let the words wash over you, knowing that you can trust the writer.
#random thought of the day#books#part of the reason i'm not getting writing done today was because i spent most of my free time reading from books i've let sit for too long#i haven't been able to sink into good fiction for a while#so elizabeth goudge felt like a spiritual experience#cleansing and uplifting#it always takes me a while to get into her books#there's a learning curve of a couple of chapters to adjust to the style#but once i break through it's bliss#it becomes easy as breathing#there's nothing quite like what she does#i love books that understand that goodness isn't boring or trite#you don't need to have 'darkness' and 'grit' to be complex#like one bit that took my breath away was the talk about sallie and david's marriage struggles#they're both good people who love each other#but they also have their differences because they're human and that causes struggles#not marriage-breaking struggles just nuanced life struggles#and i'm not sure i've seen something like that in a book before#it's a good marriage they married the right people but that doesn't mean life is perfect#goudge uderstands that marriage isn't happily ever after--heaven is#and a good marriage is two people partnering up to help each other reach that goal#it's so much more adult than any 'complex adult' work i've seen
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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I realized that Maizuru, despite being with Kabru's party for a while, still gets Holm's race wrong.
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At first I thought it was kind of the joke of the whole thing. Calling Marcille a frog woman, Holm a dwarf, and getting Rin's name wrong. Holm looks tired, annoyed or maybe a bit embarrassed by this mistake. He's the only one who's background is not "explosive". Marcille's and Rin's are, and his is just plain, dark, and with those lines at the bottom. Why? Maybe for comedical effect. Probably because he's been telling her he's a gnome before this. Just like Chilchuck doesn't like being called a kid and people still call him that, Holm doesn't like being called a dwarf and people keep calling that.
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It's not uncommon for people to mix those races, and since Shuro's party isn't the best with races (they don't even know Chil's a half-foot) they probably just think Holm is a wierd-looking dwarf. They probably hadn't seen any gnomes before. If it was Maizuru's first time seeing a gnome and calling it a dwarf, it could be understandable. But she's been with kabru's party long enough to realize that that dwarf is, actually, a gnome.
I think she doesn't believe Holm is a gnome, just like Marcille or Senshi don't believe Chil's an adult.
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That's the face of someone who's tired of this shit. It's like when someone tries to guess your country just by the way you look. There's maybe a bit of ignorance at first, but I think Maizuru is deliberately deciding to not believe Holm when he tells her he's a gnome for the first time. And he's so done.
#holm kranom#my poor boy is being victim to fantasy racism yet again#why racism? i think its pretty obvious. trying to guess what he is by looks (from where someone is by looks)#i think its quite racist. because... idk its like when people doesnt believe a potatoe-white blonde blue-eyed mf is not arab or latino#like. not because you look one way means youre part of that group. and well. Dwarves and gnomes get usually mixed up by people who dont know#maizuru might not know shes being racist here but she is and holm looks so done because this has happend way too many times before#idk#i love how Kuy does her's worldbuilding so reallistic <3#holm you can kill the lady if you please <3#holm#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#holm dungeon meshi#he might be old enough to be mature about it but he's getting tired of this misconception and you can see it on his face#AOUGH#i might be reading a bit too much into it#but i think kuy does nothing just because and this cant be a coincidence#<3#rin#rinsha fana#marcille#marcille donato#maizuru dungeon meshi#<- mentioned#btw on anime they dont show this#they just make this guy smile#my shit
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Drawing Every Abnormality - Part 6
O-04-08: Red Shoes
"The sanguine colour of the Red Shoes looks oddly familiar"
Featuring: Vera (Disciplinary Team Member), Eden (Disciplinary Team Clerk), Poussey (Information Team Member)
Wow what a nice pair of shoes I sure hope they don't make anyone commit murder.
Not my best work, not my worst. Guess this is what happens if you draw whilst your arm's covered in bandages. Oops!
Pretty fun interaction to draw, tho I'm not completely happy with the positioning/layout. Oh well~
Vera's an ex-clerk btw. This happens like 2 days after she gets promoted lol. Eden's one of her friends - they got pretty close when they were working together. He uh... didn't take her promotion very well.
She'll be fine, dont worry bout her~
...He won't be, though.
#Idk whether I'll keep the number/title thing#Kinda makes me feel like a clickbaity youtuber and I have no clue why tbh#my art#oc art#art#lobcorp oc#oc#small artist#lobcorp#lobotomy corporation#lobotomy corp oc#abnormality interactions#project moon#project moon oc#Smth about this one just feels wrong and idk what#Which is rly annoying#I'd say we're getting into the more interesting stuff now#But the next 3 are old lady#The Fetus#And then lady facing the wall#(And therisia I guess. I'll draw it but it'll be a quicker one probably)#(Not looking forward to lftw ngl)#But hey then we're at the fun ones (Nothing There)#Also Poussey's just kinda. There.#She was on her way to go work on the shoes funnily enough#Didn't quite work out for her#Anyway I've rambled way more than intended#If you've read all that... thanks!#Uhhh does this need a blood warning do you think#I'll leave it for now cuz it's PMoon so it's nothing unusual but.
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there are certainly serious things to say and analysis to be made about the tired queen in snow white-ass female fear of aging and losing your beauty as catalysts for evil tropes zara renata is evoking, as well as the treatment of her still-naked body as an object in the post mortem interrogation scene by both the camera and the characters. HOWEVER. personally and with my heart not my brain I forgive it wholeheartedly because there's just something special, something so incredibly fun and campy, both about her horrific literal blood bath and about a character who'll coyly tell you to wait here she'll just slip into something a little more... comfortable😏. and then while keeping hard eye contact with you she slips out of her skin entirely like it's a strapless dress and stands there in her full glistening subcutaneous glory smirking at you. her body isn't a temple it's a slaughterhouse. well. for you. but that's a price she's willing to pay :) ianthe tridentarius behaviour (laudatory)
(to be real for a moment it probably helps a lot that there are plenty of other female villains in the game who aren't presented with a sexual or appearance-focused angle at all. well. not an intentional one at least. ghilan'nain will always do to certain people what she does but that's not the design intention or priority lol. having a zara does not feel as weird when you also have a johanna hezenkoss running around just living her best unlife and doing her thing)
#the lesson here is that I have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair#and I will go along with even quite troubling things in fiction if I find it inscrutably funny enough. apologies but here we are#I can enjoy a nuance with the best of them#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#zara renata#it's so true that the worst sin something in fiction can commit is to be boring lol#also I do think deliberately invoking and framing it in fairytale logic helps. she's an Evil Queen. you know them. they do this stuff#like listen. we know and you know what we're doing here nothing new under the sun. but doesn't it make for banger visual design#and like yeah you got me there bioware it does I will remember the blood room forever#she has a horror prison under the sea and has gone the full bathory that's the space we're playing in right now haha#I hate to be a little bit of a hater but also the contrast between zara and aelia for me. zara is flawed but fun and aelia. is there.#I guess. for me at least. who is she. frankly I didn't care that much.#okay haterism over but I also haven't seen a lot of aelia thirst or I support women's wrongs posts which feels like a sign of some kind
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saw your most recent post about really good fics that contain uncomfortable kinks and i immediately thought "ah, biscia must be reading the mpreg soriel fic" and almost left a reply talking about it but i stopped myself because i realized that would be an insane assumption to make. needless to say i felt so vindicated when i saw you link it in an earlier post.
like. HELLO?
HELLO???????
#answered asks#''I fear nothing good ever comes of it when it does'' is straight up SEARED into my brain as the toriel line of all time I've ever read#there's some character interpretations I don't share there. like i said i don't think either of them would cry that easily#and while the different conception (badumtss) of sex/gender in various monsters was interesting#i felt like it didn't quite deal with the ramifications of not strictly binary reproductions on social perception of gender like I could've#eg the part about boss monsters being closer to humans in how it works and thus having a different concept of mom/dad compared to skeletons#was pretty nice. but if you establish that skeletons work like ghosts but distinguish she/he ''for some reason'' even though all of them#can bear kids. and then you make a comment about ''the child possibly growing into a woman considering the shape of the pelvis'' it's like#why??????? why. whywhywhy. why would that be a factor. even hypothesizing a certain physical dimorphism. WHY pick the one tied to pregnancy#the ONE ASPECT that you decided was shared between both ''male'' and ''female'' skeletons#it's also like. objectively an argument that is leveraged to hurt and deny trans people irl so it was just. unbelievably uncomfortable#this is what we mean with mpreg and transphobia btw#not that the concept is inherently transphobic or hurtful to trans people#but that that kind of alternative biological worldbuilding implies an alternative social conception of gender role for the characters#that a lot of authors just. straight up miss. because their view of the world is still very cis/perisexist#BUT!!!!!!!!!!#it was still over all a very good fic. I'd rec it to pll not into that for the initial 2 chapters alone
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The way the entire "Previously on The Mallorca Files..." segment is literally just... Max and Miranda's entire personal relationship progression, from reluctant work partners/compañeros to Max having to correct people that Miranda is not his girlfriend to almost kissing while dancing the paso doble to Carmen rejecting Max's proposal like plot? What plot? You mean this show is supposed to be about solving crimes?? I am LIVING!!!
#AND THEN!!!!!#max has a fantasy sequence in which he almost kisses miranda???#the WHO???? in the WHAT NOW?????#and his dad sees them interact for two seconds and already has something to say to max about it that is 'nothing he didn't already know'???#could it be?????#could the tv gods have decided to give me everything I want bc I have nothing else in my life that sparks joy quite like this???#we shall soon find out I guess#but the fact that they've disappeared carmen and only to bring her back later in the season with a job offer in madrid (per the trailer)#does seem to hint at... some interesting developments#I seem to have lost the ability to get excited about tv couples anymore but this is... satisfyingly close#ALSO miranda is speaking more spanish this season than she ever has before (which is not a lot but still)#and it is... doing things to me#gracias por tanto perdón por tan poco#thoughts no one cares about
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The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together
#The question about what makes a person themselves is super interesting#Is it the memories? Is it personality? Is it body? Is it resemblance? What about narrative reiteration?#Bronya is not Silver Wolf but they're both HI3 Bronya but also they're not#Is March the same person she once was? What about the Trailblazer? Welt looks at Himeko and Silver Wolf and feels like drowning#but he is looking at nothing other than something eerily recognisable#Vidyadhara are reborn anew as if washed clean but Dan Heng's process was skewed. What does it mean to Dan Heng?#He has the body he has the moves he has the stern haughty air he has muddy memories he can't quite recall but something stays#Is he or is he not the same? Where does one end and the other start? Where do they overlap?#Does how others regard him influence whether he is or isn't Dan Feng?#Does the memories of others weight more than your own memories and will?#What does constitute a person? How is selfhood constructed? What are the ontological implications of all this?#If you respond to these questions one way in one context when it comes to one character‚ can you confidently reply the same thing#in a different context for a different character? If not‚ why? What does it say?#It's not a straight up answer. The question is what's interesting and it's what makes Dan Heng's story interesting#Seeing it dogmatically negated mainly for the purpose of a ship annoys me a lot#It is a constant in HSR but it's even more clear after playing HI3. This problematic about what constitute identify and selfhood#and whether or not they're the same thing is a constant there too. With Kiana‚ with Otto‚ with Kevin‚ with Fu Hua‚ with the simulations#of the Flame Chasers most notably with Mobius but in general with the continuation of their goals and feelings‚ Klein as human and as ELF‚#the iteration of consciences of the Herrschers‚ the puppets of the Herrscher of Domination‚ the influence of the Herrscher of Corruption‚#the many times characters are found in different universes being slightly different yet recognisable‚ the amount of times characters seem#to reiterate existences in different eras‚ echoing past selves with past faces yet different‚...#And usually it's not easy to respond to all of them with the same answer‚ which only opens more questions. It's extremely interesting#and it's obviously a topic Honkai as a game cares about a lot. But no. Nothing matters. Dan Heng *is* Dan Feng yes or yes no questions asked#No problematic. No questioning. No doubts. All usually because of a ship. That the drive. I don't know... I'm all for shipping#but I quite dislike when shipping gets so out of hand it crushes and brushes off good writing or core motifs in a text. It's... shabby#And it saddens me haha. Why do you even care about these characters and their dynamic if you're erasing core traits of them as characters?#Abfkabdkkd anyway...#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#But I had to vent a little. It annoys me a lot this kind of approach to analysis what can I say
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The moment he knew they were soulmates. And he was going to love her forever.
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She had always known he was her soulmate this was just the confirmation.
#rina#hsmtmts#rina week 2023#I have been trying to write but honestly nothing good is coming out so this is what I got for day 2!#I love 4.06 they have always been soulmates destined to be but I love that Ricky was given a specific moment to just sit#with that realization#ALSO the line so it’s true I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you being said OUT LOUD to Gina’s face was important#because like we knew that and he knew that but it’s like him reconfirming that she really is the reason he does everything he has ever done#since they met like real time realization romantic epiphany!!!!!!#and for her she has always known like it was just a fact of life since homecoming that he is her person#but it’s her looking at him after saying I love you him wanting to say it first her wanting him to say it first and him giving her what she#needs like always#she just gets to sit there staring at him knowing that never quitting will get you what you want get you what you NEED#he was worth the wait and she knew he would be that’s what soulmates do!!!!!!!!
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My roommate has not been to work in like two weeks atp……
#like. girl. you better still have a fucking job#two months from now idgaf what you do but you’re paying your share of the fucking bills#she talks so much about how she fucking hates her job and wants to quit#(which y’know I understand truly I do)#however she does strike me as the type of dumbass to just do that with no backup plan#because it just doesn’t make her ‘happy’ there#also it’s just fucking annoying like can I have a day. where you’re just not fucking here. to relax 😭#she always had weekends off and I always worked weekends#so I always got to look forward to having my days off to myself#but WHY the FUCK have you not been at work a single day I’ve been off in weeks now#okay. Christmas off. makes sense. WHAT ABOUT ANY OF THE FUCKING OTHERS#also she has not paid me for the electric bill of WiFi despite them being due in like. three days#I’m going to fucking kill her I swear to god if this bitch quit her job and doesn’t fucking pay me her share of the bills…..#oh it’s so fucking over#I would also like to stress that like. she’s not sick she has nothing else going on#no actual reason to not go to work#so why. THE FUCK. are you not there#and using all your free time trying to convince me to go to bars with you 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#oh this month cannot end fast enough I need out of here before I fucking go insane#kaz rambles
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I hate the everyone looks down on/dislikes this person who did nothing wrong trope on comic books and that may be why i'm not that fond of stephcass but who knows
#their relationship is very complex and i love that#but steph is fucked over by everyone who crosses her path and the fact that cass joins in on that kills me on the inside#like i get why she does it but i still dont like it#cassandra is quite literally the only person who values steph on the batfamily and she still doesnt value her enough#she is always knocking steph out consistently disregards what she wants and her ability to get anything done and admits to agreeing w bruce#that was such a heartbreaking moment btw. the way cass hurt her and went on to ask if theyre still friends#“friends dont stab each other in the back” :(#cass considers steph a liability and nothing is more of a turn off for me in a ship than characters looking down on their partners#stephcass#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#comics#comic books#dc#dc comics#my dc posts
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#what a brave boy#I mean I don't know what wangxian were trying to do here#for one thing what's JGY going to do about this? he's not strong enough to fight you off especially since he's been poisoned#and if he stays and does what you want... Minshan is definitely going down for his part in everything anyway!#like they aren't actually going to let him go#they aren't letting JGY go on the principle of the thing why would they let Su She go?#there's actually nothing JGY can do about this but feel bad so Minshan says “don't feel bad”#Also Minshan can teleport he's probably the worst person to take hostage he can just leave!#Just walk out! You can leave! If it sucks hit da bricks! Real Winners Quit!#- Minshan probably#su she#jin guangyao#more implied but still#suyao
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the other day we had a dog come in that very clearly did not want to be alive anymore and was completely checked out of existence and wouldn't even walk we had to stretcher it in and out on a towel. anyway the owners main concern was its arthritis ? but he thought carprofen had made the dog "crazy" before....so boss took some rads and labs and said ok you can try librela if you want....coworker and i both felt he did not impress strongly enough upon this man that his dog was literally and obviously dying. so he gave the librela and then the dog died the next day. so then i was overhearing today how he had to report it to the relevant authorities as a possible librela reaction. bad timing as everyone is currently freaking out about librela killing their dogs (btw boss opinion on that is basically that it's been given to so many thousands of animals that there's bound to be such cases where correlation ≠ causation). anyway the moral of the story is please do not force your animals to die of natural causes it is almost never anything but awful.
#i do kind of feel like it was not terribly ethical of him to let that dog leave without having a serious qol discussion#the owner did not seem very concerned at all he was like oh he's getting old! and i was like ha aha yeah#happens to the best of us....your dog is begging for death by the way#he's refunding the guy the cost of the librela for what it's worth but i really don't think that had a single thing to do with it#and i doubt he does either#its labs actually weren't as bad as you might think as far as i could tell. like they weren't great but nothing was off the charts#really depressing though...these ones are some of the worst and i try not to judge people too hard for letting them go too long because#i'm sure it's unbelievably awful and i can't even think about reese getting old and dying without crying lol like there are definitely#things i judge people a lot harder for (if you are feeding raw/won't spay for no good reason/won't vaccinate youre an idiot sorry)#but it is a deeply critical responsibility we have as pet owners#i've been thinking a lot about my childhood cat who my fucking idiot mother declawed to save her stupid furniture and then when he developed#inappropriate urination issues she kicked him outside for the rest of his life and my grandma found him dead on the porch one day#it kills me that she did that even though it's not like i could have done anything#he did surprisingly live to be quite old despite that and hanging out with wild animals (which she knew of and did nothing about) i think#he was at least 15. but i wonder all the time if he died in preventable agony and of course when they're outside the list of horrible ways#to die is basically endless. ok i changed my mind this post has two other morals and they are don't declaw your cats and keep them tf inside#especially with the bird flu....i lowkey worry that i'm going to bring home bird flu and kill my cat horribly. but thats another topic#me
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tired. i've been nothing but tired anxious frustrated. and tired! did i mention tired?
#meins#circumstances of my practical journeyman exam have changed quite a bit. location. time. conditions to an extent#i am dealing with it. we are finding solutions#we can adapt.#but i do not feel chill about it at all.#also eff my teacher#i feel so fucking unprepared for life post finishing apprenticeship#so many lessons that we missed bc she is incapable of proper planning and utterly overwhelmed with her responsibilities#i feel like so much of my time is wasted#at this point we are begging for some actual lessons#we do nothing but complain about it amongst us apprentices. it's so exhausting. everyone is stressed and frustrated#maybe that's why i am so tired#i finished my first sample suit in time. i worked hard. and what does it get me?#nothing! bc my teacher can't plan for shit and is with one foot in a burn out if not both#i feel for her but god fucking damnit this is our apprenticeship this is our journeyman exam#i want to do my very best and i don't feel like i am given the chance to do so#okay enough renting. i need to go do the dishes and distract myself
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big plans….
#OKAY this time. This time I might not abandon it#the difference is as much as athena is the absolute love of my life her voice just does NOT come naturally to me#Ema on the other hand has quite a natural tone that is a LOT easier for me#I’m midway through an analysis for her like I did for Athena that I may or may not finish because I’m too excited to start this#I feel like an old lady who keeps acquiring cats that she malnourishes or something😔#THIS ONE WILL SURVIVE I SWEAR. mAYBE <— guy who is behind on work and has to make a uni application#anyway it’s in the making. I didn’t blur the url so you can follow in advance if you want but there’s nothing there yet#I’ll make a proper intro when there is!#And I know of at LEAST 2 other active Ema blogs at the moment so this is a terrible time to start but hey#the heart wants what it wants and all that#loz rambles
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