#there's not really a big buffy meta community

[linkspooky]

Hmm. Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

I sadly didn’t grow up with cable, so I’ve never watched it. But I do remember watching one episode at one of my friends’ house as a kid.

I forgot what it’s called, but it was were everybody in town became silent due to these two creepy looking guys. I especially remember that one funny scene with the presentation, but also how creepy and scary it was with the creepy men.

But yeah. I suppose I’m asking is… if the show is worth a watch, and if you have any episodes you personally love?

has Buffy the Vampire Slayer is actually one of my top two forever fandoms, that is fandoms that not only I will be forever invested in and rewatch on regular basises, but also fandoms that have had the most impact in not only the stories I read nowadays, but also the stories I want to write.

Not only is the show worth a watch, I think it's an example of the strength of long-form storytelling, and how even a very schlocky show about vampires can be about very powerful themes.

Also, if you like redemption arcs, and are disappointed in MHA because of the slow progress of the redemption arcs, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is all about redemption arcs and has some of the most well-written and touching ones in all of fictions. Also it pretty much invented enemies to lovers, and I mean actual enemies to lovers, not like "they sort of dislike each other."

So, without any further ado my top five episodes.

5. Lie to Me - Season 2 Episode 7

Season one has a solid arc for Buffy and the cast as a whole, and even as a standalone is a good commentary on the story of the chosen-one, but I think Season 2 onwards is when Buffy goes from being a neat show about vampire slayers to a work of fiction that has actual things to say, and commentary on not only other stories in the fantasy genre but also real life too.

Lie to me is basically the introduction of that complexity in Buffy's life, that has only ever been hinted at beforehand. Buffy is a pretty morally righteous hero, for the most part with a few exceptions the vampires she faces are souless monsters, demons possessing corpses. Lie to Me is the first time Buffy faces a human antagonist, and not just a human one but someone who shares a lot of flaws with Buffy as well. I think the best way to make a character arc is to start with an incorrect belief they hold about the world and then go out of your way to correct it. Buffy starts from believing she is the hero of the story, and the people she fights on a regular basis are monsters.

Lie to Me turns that on its head, not only is the antagonist Buffy's childhood friend, someone who has sympathetic reasons but is still willing to kill people enmasse to get what he wants the same way that vampires do, he also has flaws in common with Buffy. The same way that Owen wants the world to be more like a movie with simple logic, and he's playing a villain to make things easier for himself, Buffy is playing a hero. Owen isn't the only liar, Angel hides his worst deed from Buffy because he was scared of Buffy disliking him for it. Buffy's very much lying to herself about the kind of person that Angel is, because she wants to believe the more romantic image of him as a repentant vampire boyfriend then the legitimate bad things he has done.

It's a story that criticizes people for lying to themselves, and shows what can happen when you are caught up in irresponsible lies, and yet at the same time it sympathizes with people. It doesn't say people rely on stories because they're selfish or stupid, at least not all the way, the final speech is Buffy asking Giles to lie to her, because her life is genuinely hard and messy and complicated and she wants the simplicity of a story to reassure her everything will be alright.

4. I Only Have Eyes For You - Season 2 Episode 19

I Only Have Eyes For You is amazing because it not only tells a complicated and tragic tale of victimhood, but also it shows one of Buffy’s most major flaws, and also plays with the expectation of the audience as well. This is an episode I watch with friends and talk the entire time through, because I want to know what their initial reactions are and how those reactions are turned on its head by the end of the episode. 

Basically, the whole point of this episode is the twist, we are first presented with what looks to be an unsympathetic and toxic victim. A boy who kills his lover because they no longer want to be with them, someone who is framed as abusive and having done an unforgivable thing. Until you look at the context of the situation, the boy in question was seventeen, and his lover was an adult woman who was dating him. It plays with audience expectations because like, if it had been a teenage girl dating an adult man, then it would be obvious who the victim was and who the perpetrator. 

If it had been a teenage girl dating an adult man... oh. This is also an episode where we explore how Buffy has a hard time seeing herself as a victim, because of her issues of guilt and self blame. Giles tells Buffy they should help the spirit that is suffering in this episode because it is in pain, and it needs forgiveness as a tool for healing and Buffy suggests that some people should never be forgiven and they should just leave it alone. Which is not really a heroic or even kind notion. That has nothing to do with the crime they committed and everything to do with Buffy’s inability to forgive herself. 

It’s an episode that goes really dark places, especially with parallels to real life relationship abuse, and yet it has something to say about the characters and those issues. It’s also ultimately about the healing power of forgiveness over punishment. 

3. Fool for Love - Season 5 episode 7

Season five is really the turning point where the show is about more than just the real life issues teenagers have to deal with growing up, but starts focusing on high concept themes like death, love, the interplay between the two, or even just what it would be like to live a life that’s more than a hundred years and the effect that would have on a person. 

Spike is my favorite character of all time, in anything, ever yet it’s funny that his focus episode is only third on the list, but that’s because also later episodes build on this one and have more to say. Fool for Love is just, very targeted in its messages and what it’s about in relationship to Spile’s character. Spike is sympathetic and engaging as a character not because he has a sympathetic backstory, in fact he’s a frilly victorian poet boy, turned murderer because he thought it would give him love or something more meaningful to live for. He’s not a moral person, he’s a-moral, all of his actions are framed selfishly around what he thinks will get him love, and he’s not even always a good boyfriend he’s godawful to harmony on several occasions. 

Yet Spike is interesting because he’s a monster with human feelings, who wants the things every person wants, which is to be loved and love in return, and yet he feels like as a vampire he can only deal in death and violence and this also relates to Buffy. The episode is about more than Spike’s personal story though,i it’s about Buffy’s relationship to her own mortality, that despite Buffy being a literal superhero she might not die by a big bad, or even die saving the world, she can just slip up in one fight and be stabbed by a random mook. It’s about the life that Buffy leads, where no matter how strong she is, people will just relentlessly come and come for her no matter what, and that’s also relatable because how many people have expressed something like “I always feel like I just have to get through the week and things will get better only for the next week to be harder.” 

It is about a life that is both empty and full of violence for both Buffy and Spike, and yet somehow both of them are still searching for love within that life. The biggest scene of change for Spike at the end of the episode is after a whole episode of peacocking around, after trying to insist to Buffy that his vampire idenitty as a killer is the real him, that Buffy is attracted to him as a killer because she has a death wish, his last real action in the episode is to put the gun down and try to comfort Buffy as Spike the sensitive poet, because no matter how hard he tries to bury that identity it’s who he is inside and people grow close to one another when they can show that vulnerability around each other.

2. Once More With Feeling - Season 6 episode 7

Not only the best musical episode ever, but actually a really good standalone forty five minute musical, but besides being an amazing production in general it's the themes of this episode that make me love it.

It is more or less Season 6's version of Lie to Me, where once again we are demosntrating that the stories people tell each other to comfort themselves can actively be harmful as well. Buffy suffers under having to put on an act and pretend everything is okay when she's not happy her friends brought her back from the dead. Spike suffers from being a much more selfless version of himself than he really is, because he's trying too hard to be the ideal boyfriend and supporting character to Buffy when he's still in love with her and wants a relationship. Tara suffers because Willow quite literally controls her mind to make her forget a fight, so they can both play-act a much happier version of their relationship.

Once More with Feeling is about both the collective desire of how everyone wants life to be more positive, more meaningful like in a musical, how they want life to be more like a song, but also how that very human desire can be harmful because it comes at the cost of denying the reality and not dealing with it. Every single song has a much darker subtext that is revealed over the course of the show.

Also, for an episode that's really dark, and is about not only Buffy's suicidal ideation but how genuinely hard life is to live, and how meaningless it can seem at times, it ends on such a beautiful message that even if say Life is pointless, nihilism is correct, there's nothing greater waiting for us, Spike still tells Buffy to keep living because "Life is just living" the only way you can survive in the world is by trying to live in it, simply because we don't know what comes after this and this life is all we got.

1. Conversations with Dead People Season 7 Episode 7

As a lover of drama, as a lover of Spike, a lover of Spuffy and romance it's funny to me that my favorite episode is an episode Spike is barely in, and nothing really happens except for all of the characters sitting down and talking, but the thing about Buffy is that all the characters are so interesting that you can have an episode like this where everyone finally sits down to talk through their issues.

It's not only an episode where a lot of characters have the conversations they've been putting off for forever, Dawn and her feelings about her dead mother, Buffy and her feelings about both the Slayer and her relationships with Angel and Spike, Willow and her mourning of Tara and her suicidal ideation that hasn't quite gone away.

It's also demonstrative of the kind of people all three of these characters that get focus are, it informs you a lot about their characters, and takes the time to do the kind of character work that Buffy is known for. It's also not just about mortality, but also about the people you are in the privacy of your own head, or when no one else is around. Like, the conversations that they all have are literally with dead people. Willow is talking with someone she believes to be a ghost, Buffy is going to stake the vampire at the end of her conversation, Dawn is dealing with what she thinks is the ghost of Joyce. These conversations are revealing specifically because all three women are pretty much alone, and so they can be their true unfiltered selves.

It's almost the exact opposite of lie to me, because dead men tell no tales, so all three of them are allowed to be much more honest than they usually are, and that makes their emotional responses so much more visceral and telling of what they really think. It drags up the subtext and makes it text. It acknowledges what we have known was already there about the characters, but also after dragging those issues up to the surface it helps them move on in a much more conciliatory way. Buffy after admitting for the first time her issues is comforted by the vampire trying to murder her, "I'm not here to Judge you, just kill you." Willow ignores the first's taunts that she should just kill herself to be with Tara. Dawn chooses not to believe in what is maybe ghost JOyce's warning that Buffy will abandon her. THe characters are confronted with their most negative thoughts and their worst flaws, but they also choose to think more positively about things in the aftermath of these confrontations and so that healthy and honest conversation becomes a starting point in healing for all three of them.

[buffster]

Judgement (ATS 2.01)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Host: You know what I'm talking about: in this city, you better learn to get along -- 'cause L.A.'s got it all, the glamour and the grit, the big breaks and the heartaches, the sweet young lovers and the nasty ugly hairy fiends that suck out your brain through your face -it's all part of the big wacky variety show we call Los Angeles. You never know what's coming next. And let's admit it, folks - isn't that why we love it?

I get the feeling I'm missing something in my Angel analysis by never having lived in or visited L.A. It seems like a show informed by and designed around the city in a way that's just going right over my head.

Our trio has grown confident in our absence. They're like a well-oiled machine, intent on their mission and refusing to be distracted. They even have an organized white board to track the progress of cases. But then we learn the reason for this intensity: Angel has been thinking about making it to the finish line. He's ready to be human.

Very on brand that part of his consideration is that he'll soon need a workout regimen.

Angel: You got your steam, your sauna, fresh towel . . . where's the down side?

Cordelia: You shower with a lot of men.

Angel: I'll always be a loner.

We then check in on Lindsey, who is becoming somewhat of a Faith figure to Angel's Buffy: does he want to be him, kill him, or fuck him? He's becoming obsessed with Darla because of her connection to Angel as well. It's clear they plan to use her to get to Angel, but this seems like a very similar scenario to when they sent Faith: there's just too much history and variables here for them to be sure of the outcome.

I'm enjoying Wesley's methodical, practical approach to his job. He really treats it like a vocation he wants to be successful at. He's been working on creating contacts in the demon world for them. And while I appreciate the broadening of the Buffyverse as we learn not all vampires/demons are bad, it does take away some of Angel's tortured soul alure when we learn of people like the Host. If there are creatures like Angel out there, why the lonely, cursed existence? Why didn't he stumble upon this community years ago? The implication is that he's dark and tortured because it's his nature, not his curse.

We're introduced to Caritas and The Host, who attempts to warn Angel he might be headed for a fall and offers to give him a read. Angel declines. He goes to find his demon.

I didn't love the scene where Angel accidentally kills Jo's protector. I just felt it could have been executed better. It felt a little unbelievable that she didn't shout, "Hey! Don't kill him. He's protecting me!" during the whole scuffle. Alas, she did not, and Angel is wracked with guilt over killing an ally in the fight against evil. It turns out the trio's intense focus on knocking out their list of demons so they can reach the finish line is having some unpleasant consequences. They didn't stop to focus on Cordy's vision and what it meant...they just attacked.

I'm happy to see Gunn again, although I could use a little less of this "he's a black man from the streets" being his whole personality. Feels racist. He finally formally meets Cordelia and Wesley.

Angel: I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, that someday I might become human . . . that light was so bright, I thought I was already out.

Cordelia: Yeah, we all got a little cocky, didn't we? It's gonna be a long while till you work your way out. But I know you well enough to know you will. And I'll be with you till you do.

I've watched Angel through all of once before now...we don't get to see what this child grows up to become, do we? Kind of a shame. I'm intrigued.

Angel is forced to sing 'Mandy' so he can save Jo. He admits he finds it kind of pretty.

Cordelia: That man will do anything to save a life.

Angel finds Jo (with the help of The Host) and has a fight to the death before The Tribunal to save her life. Interesting we're not going with the "animals don't like vampires" tradition here and Angel does just fine on the horse. Jo now has protection until the child comes of age.

Angel decides no more keeping score. They're focusing on one job at a time.

Faith: The road to redemption's a rocky path.

We check in on Faith at the very end as Angel visits her in prison. It's cool to see he's continuing to mentor her, and it appears she gets tested pretty often there. She's learning some self-control. I wish she'd gotten more of a role and less of the occasional cameo.

Character Notes:

Cordelia Chase: Alright, I'm too lazy to check. Didn't she draw incredible sketches for the Scooby gang? Why is Angel drawing the demon she saw for her? She's been watching a Noir festival on Bravo.

Faith Lehane: Prison food isn't that different from what she grew up on. She's finding comfort in the routine (possibly becoming institutionalized)

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Absolutely loving his sass with Dennis.

The Host: His bar is called Caritas, latin for 'Mercy'. No weapons or violence allowed.

[lightdancer1]

Now that I think about it:

It really is striking given everything with that one episode that there's no plotline where Tara accidentally kills off her love interest with that blindness spell early in Season 5 and Glory steamrolls everyone because the big gun went missing. It's basically one of this 'so this is how we done fucked up, don't do that shit' storylines that's seemingly begging to be written and.....nobody actually has. It'd be a perfect knife twist and it's not like the Scoobies would let Tara just leave with her obviously evil family even after that because they'd not want to lose someone ELSE after it.

So what does happen if they have to go through the Glory arc but there's no Willow (especially twistedly funny given later seasons if the Powers That Be cough her up again at the start of the equivalent of Season 6)? Would the butterfly effect mean she'd even brain-suck Tara, which was a pretty clear bit of her power boost that made her as formidable? If that never happens and they just use the hammer sooner, does anyone actually have to die?

I can also see if the PTB did decide 'oh wait, no, this one DOES have a destiny and she needs to get on with it' that a resurrected Willow after all that would be in the usual situation most of the 'Tara comes back' fics go of having entirely valid trust issues and having the 'wait HOW much time happened oh holy God WHAT is Glory and wow' reactions to a normal year on the Hellmouth.

Canon-wise Willow's an unkillable, fanfic exists precisely to do what canon wouldn't. And ultimately Tara was, after all, meant to be the replacement goldfish for Willow's old niche, so one can very easily see the Scoobies acting at a meta-level like that and creating something of the same dysfunction from a different route because she is very much NOT Willow in any of the ways that define her. She has a rigidly defined sense of ethics, she gets a backbone that has a more consistent sense of 'happens to me bad, happens to you because I'm traumatized nobody ever remembers it for the rest of anything ever'.

It would also be a suitably ironic knife twist given the 'big gun' thing that the very expectations here that set up the ultimate Dark Lord Rosenberg thing never happening lead to the Gang winning because Buffy beats the shit out of Glory with a magic hammer when she never gets her mitts on Tara because there's no Willow for her to argue with that one day and the butterfly effects are big, she never dies....and then the PTB have Willow turn right back up in the Magic shop alive, well, and utterly ocnfused at the end of the equivalent of that season going "What the Hell was that."

I would admittedly have the Dark Willow thing happen anyway as a result of overcompensating for realizing she was killed as result of relying on someone else's wisdom with magic and it's more Dark Lord Rosenberg, as I mentioned, rather than its canon aspect and Tara gets to be the replacement Willow and it does not spark joy while Willow in turn quite reasonably has major trust and communication issues and doubles and triples down on increasingly powerful magic sans magic crack analogy until she's full-scale Dark Phoenix and people belatedly have the 'oh shit we probably should have tried talking before now' reaction.

This may well end up the one other Buffyverse fic I write, though I'd basically breeze through the rest of Season 5 in the first chapter from Tara's POV and then at the tail end Willow comes back and the hilarity ensues.

Then again it's also equally possible for Willow to simply go 'nah, fuck magic, magic killed me, y'all already got a witch, computers it is' and then the Hellmouth Hellmouths and her destiny won't be denied and the paranoia of living on the place makes her take the same path while actually struggling against it when she gets a Monkey's Paw version of her own desire to be the big damn hero, but to be able to do that she has to be able to reach the power to do so and since she is who she is, it's impossible to have the power to abruptly start being capable of making reality do what you want without it going to her head.

And given that she did at least seem to be easily replaceable (with Willow and Tara equally unreliable narrators and the truth not quite matching up with what either of them think here and the two narrative POVs here) Dark Lord Rosenberg gets to be as much a case of venting that she in a sense was the replaceable sidekick on a television show and not a main character.

Almost every other canon possibility here has done this and having 'the person I love cannot see the demon for who she is' and then 'wait, she died, I didn't mean that' because the magic misfires a little harder in a laser-guided fashion and having Tara meet her intended niche a little harder than otherwise is....surprisingly under-used.

[girl4music]

BUFFY REWATCH - S04E19 - New Moon Rising

Buffy: “Hey.”

Willow: “Hey. You okay?” 

Buffy: “Yeah, I just - I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him, right?”

Willow: “I was with him all night.”

*Buffy raises her eyebrows* 

Buffy: “All night? Oh my god. 

*Grins and sits on Willow's bed* 

Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right?”

Willow: “Yup.”

Buffy: “Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or-”

Willow: “No kink. He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was going to find a cure, and he did. In Tibet.”

Buffy: “Oh my god. I can't believe it. Okay, I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not.”

Willow: “No, there's ‘woo’ and, and ‘hoo.’ But there's ‘uh-oh,’ and... ‘why now?’ And... it's complicated.”

Buffy: “Why complicated?” 

Willow: 

*sighs, steels herself*

“It's complicated... because of Tara.”

Buffy: “You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No. 

*The clue-by-four hits Buffy* 

Oh! 

*Willow gives a nervous smile. Buffy stands up* 

Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl, Will.”

Willow: “She is. And... there's something between us. It-it wasn't something I was looking for. It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have.”

Buffy: “Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to - you have to follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will.”

Willow: “Why do you keep saying my name like that?"

Buffy: “Like what, Will?” 

Willow: 

*sits up*

“Are you freaked?”

Buffy: “What? No, Will, d- 

*stops herself, sighs* 

No. 

*sits on the bed* 

No, absolutely ‘No’ to that question.

*Willow looks skeptical*

I'm glad you told me. What did you say to Oz?”

Willow: “I was gonna tell him... but then we started hanging out, and... I could just feel everything coming back.

*Buffy looks sympathetic* 

He's Oz, you know?” 

Buffy: “Yeah. I know.”

Willow: “I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy.”

Buffy: “No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse.”

*Willow nods*

Well, this is it. This is the big reveal. And it’s finally a narrative that I can work with for writing my meta. 

A brief summary: Oz is back. In this episode he learns that his werewolf condition has nothing to do with being based on the lunar cycle but it does have to do with when he gets angry or is subjected to negative energy of any kind. This is especially true surrounding his feelings for Willow. Oh, but that’s not the BIG ISSUE of this episode. No. The BIG ISSUE is Willow now has someone else. She has Tara and she’s falling deeper and deeper in love with her every day. And uh oh,... here is her first real love driving back into her life asking for her back, a lost love that she has mourned for the first half of the season, a love she still feels something for even now despite being in a relationship with Tara...

What the bloody hell does she do? 

THUS, CONFLICT. ANGST. DRAMA. AND GOD DAMN GOOD FUCKING ACTING PERFORMANCES ENSUES. THIS EPISODE IS INCREDIBLE!

I have chosen to quote the confession scene between Buffy and Willow just because it sums up the entire story the best - and it shows you how Buffy reacts which is incredibly important for the validation of both Willow’s acceptance of her sexuality and acceptance of the relationship she has with Tara now that Oz is back in the picture. The conclusion to this episode is a double self-affirmation for Willow, and for anyone watching that has her as their self-insert character and that relates to and resonates with her difficult situation in this episode:

“I have chosen to be with a woman I have feelings for.”

AND

“I have chosen to be with a woman I have feelings for even when a man wants me. A man I have previously loved and still have feelings for.”

Yes, there’s the added complication that Oz still wolfs out and particularly while around Willow - but they’ve dealt with that before, they could deal with it again.

No, Willow has made an INFORMED CHOICE. She CHOSE Tara over Oz. 

Oz: “But you’re happy *being with Tara*?”

Willow: “I am.”

This is incredibly important validation not just for closeted lesbians - but also for private WLW couples who constantly have men coming in and out of their life that they’re being assigned to or suited with by the company they keep. That they may have even been in a relationship with previously - either by their own free will or by force/pere-pressure from their family, friends and community. This episode is HUGE validation for that AUDIENCE specifically and solely. Respect!

[firelxdykatara]

I really like hearing your thoughts on ships, so I was just wondering what you thought about the episode 'Seeing Red' from Buffy as a Spuffy shipper. I love the ship too and remember being so uncomfortable watching that episode. It felt like it came out of no where while I was marathoning the show

Ok so, I’ve been sitting with this for a while (my inbox is telling me it’s been 10 days......time plz stop moving without me noticing), mostly because it’s... a really Touchy topic, for a lot of (very obvious, to anyone familiar with the episode or the arc) reasons.

CW for discussion of attempted sexual assault and rape ahead. (I’m gonna talk a bit about Willow too.)

First of all, I wanna state that I understand why Seeing Red was a ‘point of no return’ for many people. There are a lot of people for whom sexual assault/rape is The Thing they simply cannot get past and they could never see Spike or Spuffy the same again, and that’s valid and understandable. For me, personally, I don’t consider it any more or less reprehensible than murder or anything else vampires and demons get up to in the show because they’re monsters and very specifically Not Human, but at the same time it felt gratuitous and unnecessary (like the writers were trying to remind us Spike was really evil right before he went to get his soul back of his own accord, and I’ll talk a bit more about that later), and the episode itself is difficult to watch. (Also because it includes Tara’s death, which wrecks me to this day.)

It’s also been a very long time since I’ve seen the episode in question, mostly because I haven’t done a full rewatch in years, and when I do watch Buffy it’s either starting from the beginning and then losing track of where i was and starting over again, or else jumping to random episodes throughout the show which I enjoy and watching those by themselves (and Seeing Red is very much not on that list lol). So I rewatched it just to refresh my memory and....god there are a lot of other reasons I don’t care for this episode. (Xander was exceptionally horrific to Buffy re: finding out she was sleeping with Spike. Gods I dislike him more and more the older I get.)

In general, it’s just a really hard episode to watch. (And I’ll never forgive Joss for finally putting Amber Benson in the opening credits, only to kill her that same episode.) There’s a lot of ugliness, and the Trio are among the worst villains in the show--not in terms of how they’re written (they feel kind of terrifyingly realistic, although they also seem kind of exceptionally meta in light of how much has come out in the last decade about Joss Whedon’s own attitudes and behavior and treatment of women), but because every other big bad with very few exceptions has the excuse of being a soulless vampire or a demon or a hellgod or some other monster that can’t really help the fact that they were made that way. The Trio are just normal dudes who think they’re entitled to women and money and power and are willing to do absolutely anything to get all three, proving that maybe it isn’t really the presence or absence of a soul that actually makes humans, like, humane.

But that’s me side-tracking. As far as Spuffy goes, yeah, this episode is pretty brutal. There’s no mincing words here--Spike attempted to rape Buffy, and he only stopped and had his ‘oh my god, what have I done’ realization after she managed to kick him off. If she hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have stopped. And I can almost understand it, from a writing perspective--how do you make a soulless vampire realize that he’s truly a monster and, further, how do you finally get him to want to change that? Make him cross a line he never had before. Except... that really wasn’t necessary. Not for his character arc, nor for his relationship with Buffy, and a part of me thinks that it was really intennded to just drive home the message that Spike was a monster, and that Buffy could never really love him, and the easiest way to communicate that was sexual violence, something that the show never really had its vampires engage in previously. So it would be a shock to the audience, it would throw Spike’s motives into question when he went to get his soul back, and it would make his presence in season 7 a constant question, plus provide a reason for Buffy not to trust him.

I think all of this could have been achieved without the sexual violence. I think the scene was largely done for shock value--again, to douse the audience with ice water and remind them that Spike, no matter how chummy he’d seemed with the Scoobies since getting chipped and eventually working with them, was still a monster. But we really didn’t need that reminder, and I think it would’ve made more sense for him to simply attempt to kill her--still a betrayal, still shocking, still something that could spur him into the actions he would take afterwards (going to get his soul restored), but without the exceedingly uncomfortable attempted rape scene in a season where there had already been serious issues with consent.

I’m talking, specifically, about Willow.

There’s something interesting I’ve noticed in fandom, and it’s that people really don’t seem to want to talk about or acknowledge the fact that Willow raped Tara. Maybe because it was via magic, rather than violence--or because it was never really called what it actually was in the narrative, or because they’re The Gay Ship of btvs, I don’t know. But she did--when she spelled Tara to forget about their serious fight which had been building for weeks, and then went to bed with her. And then explicitly had sex with her the next day. It’s part of why I’ve always had a complicated relationship with “Under Your Spell”--I love the song, but it’s also literally spelling out the fact that Tara’s mind had been violated by the woman she loved and she could not consent to sex while under the spell.

So that moment was already toeing the line in terms of consent and at least Tara was able to talk about how Willow violated her mind and how that made her feel (in song, at that), but Seeing Red was like a slap in the face. Where Willow’s magic addiction and willingness to cross those lines had been building for more than a year, Spike attempting to rape Buffy came out of nowhere. This isn’t a show that explored any really complicated relationship between vampires and consent (in The Vampire Diaries, for example, vampires have an ability called compulsion and compelling humans that they then have sex with is pretty normal and no one really blinks about it, human or vampire; it’s definitely still rape, but it’s not treated as anything particularly beyond the pale, because they’re vampires who can control the minds of their prey and don’t tend to consider the feelings of their food sources to be of any real importance), and while the vampires are hot and have sex, there’s never been any indication that they sexually assault humans in addition to feeding on them.

I think that specific scene in Seeing Red is the hardest to watch in the entire show. There’s really nothing like it in any other episode or with any other villain, and it has a tendency to sit in the back of the mind and sour feelings about Spike and Spuffy because it’s genuinely difficult to forget. I’m not sure if the intention was really to turn people off Spuffy (especially since he got his soul and came back in season 7 and Buffy forgave him and fell in love with him), but that was certainly the effect it had on a lot of people.

For me, personally, like I’ve said I don’t like the scene and I don’t think it was necessary, which is why I tend to ignore it as much as possible when I’m thinking about Spike and Buffy and their relationship. It’s a thing I know that happened, but I also know that I don’t think it was particularly fitting from a character perspective, and that makes it easy for me to file it away as sloppy writing and generally OOC, and move on. Again, I can definitely understand why some people can’t or don’t want to do that, but I also know that a lot of people continue to love Spike and Spuffy and I don’t think I’m alone in considering that moment to be OOC for him and generally try to ignore it in my meta and other analysis of the show.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, June 19

Spike: Knock knock, robot boy. Need you to look at my chip. Jonathan: Is that, like, British slang or something? Cause we're not- Spike: In my head, the chip in my head.

~~Smashed~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Buffy the MILF's Slave (Crossover with Steven Universe, E) by GTD

Esclavos del napalm (Spanish languge, E) by irati

Cosas que hicimos cuando estabas muerta (Spanish language, E) by irati

the dry river brims (Buffy/Spike, E) by Hannah

Revenge is a dish best served with unicorns. (Wesley, T) by KellyAnne21

Never steal from a vampire. (The Whirlwind, M) by KellyAnne21

Conversations With: Anya (Anya, T) by glasswrks

Conversations With: Xander (Xander, T) by glasswrks

Script: The Killer in Me 2.0 (Willow/Faith, T) by invisible-pink-toast

the dry river brims (Buffy/Spike, AO) by Cosmic Tuesdays

Cause It's a Beautiful Night (Spike/Buffy, 13+) by Fancyflautist

[Chaptered Fiction]

No venden diamantes en el cielo, Chapter 3 (Spanish language, E) by irati

Big Bad Angel: The Beginning, Chapter 1 (Crossover with Harry Potter, M) by TheologyDiscography

Conversation With: Dawn, Chapter 1 (Dawn, T) by glasswrks

Mockingbird, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by violet_valentine

Anything We Want, Chapter 12 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by scratchmeout

Mortal Allies Series, Episode 5: War and Roses, Chapter 32 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Passion4Spike

Inhuman Behavior, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by violettathepiratequeen

Possessed, Chapter 17 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Brooke724

Tangential, Chapter 3 (Multiple crossings, FR15) by phouka

Not zebras, Chapter 4 (Multiple crossings, FR13) by hysteriumredux

[Images, Audio & Video]

Meme:Who needs fanfic when an AI generator does it for you? by carlosnightman

Meme:Choose your hottie. #TeamSpike by SassyWeeLass

Meme:Buffy / It's always Sunny cross (Spoiler if you've not watched season 5) by blackrosiecle

Tattoo:My Buffy tattoo! “Death is your gift” by meaty_tendrils

Artwork:The Chosen Two by space-sheep08

Artwork:[Spuffy hands on fire] by mac-mcdonald

Manip gifset:Angel and Darla's outfists in Becoming Part 1 by dailybtvs

Manip gifset:Anya Jenkins in Selfless by slayerdaily

[Reviews & Recaps]

Behind the Monster's Mask - Dexter to Angel (dark anti-hero characters) by shadowkat67

GILES IS A DEMON! Buffy, the Vampire Slayer 4x12 'A New Man' Reaction! by Elie Moses

DARK SECRETS REVEALED! Buffy, the Vampire Slayer 4x13 'The I In Team' Reaction! by Elie Moses

PODCAST: Episode 79: This Year's Girl by Mythtaken

[Community Announcements]

Dates still available! by Summer of Giles

[Fandom Discussions]

Soul meta by notquiteaghost

Falling in love with your enemy (Spuffy) by anyachristinaemmanuellajenkins

Buffy, Dawn, and chosen family by restlesshush

What could have made The Potentials Better? Continued by multiple authors

Is this anyone else's favorite season? Continued by multiple authors

Angel Season 5 Rewatch - #3 Unleashed (SPOILERS) by LWP

In defense of Riley Finn by walt_jenkins_ and multiple authors

Restless by Soft_Grape1928 and multiple authors

I actually liked Adam until he revealed his plan. Made him really basic. by multiple authors

I'm mad by multiple authors

Your all-time favorite Bangel episodes? by multiple authors

In BtVS, I always took "Big Bad" to mean a season-ending villain. Is this the accepted meaning? by multiple authors

I will never understand the appeal to Cangel (Cordelia + Angel) by multiple authors

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

QUIZ: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Quiz: Who Kissed Who? via WhatCulture

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[dontwarnthetadpoles]

I’m into making lists lately, it’s fun and it simplifies the answer to the question : what to do with my thoughts when i don’t have the time and energy to write and edit an essay/meta?

So here, for a fun and light way to consider romance in the Buffyverse, a list of my romantic endgames for the still alive characters by the finals of Btvs and Ats (in no particular order) :  

Buffy x Oz: unusual pairing that nobody seems to ship (i only found one fic about them but boy was it good!), which never ceases to surprise me because they seem to be an obvious pairing based on their personality and tastes. The chemistry between SMG and Seth Green is very strong: they had very few (too little!) scenes together but each time, they shined as a duo. Oz, especially after his trip to Tibet, is everything that Buffy looks for: loyalty, stability, maturity with a dark and supernatural twist, and after being burned badly by Willow, Buffy is the ideal person to make Oz heal and trust again.There’s also the challenge to find a way to communicate and become a real emotional support for the other considering they have the similar way to not really share what they feel, but they’re aware of their limits and willing to work on them, so the reward would be really worth the effort.   

Xander x Dawn: inspired by the comics though the show suggested too, discreetly, this pairing during season 6 (maybe more often but i don’t remember). A couple by default (there’s nobody else to pair them with)  but with potential: she’s a mix of Buffy and Anya/Cordelia (i see Anya as the continuation of Cordelia), the only women he “loved”. She needs a older man who can be dedicated entirely to her because of her immaturity and spoiled nature, a man stable and who won’t freak out about her nature and that’s Xander at the end of season 7.    

Willow x Fred:  It was a very popular ship after Orpheus, mostly because the chemistry was off the chart, but i only started to support it after the Illyria arc when Whedon confirmed that Fred’s soul wasn’t destroyed and that Willow can bring her back by separating her from Illyria. They were less amazing by the end of their shows than when they were at the start (they broke the heart of my two favourite male characters so i like them a lot less), but Willow and Fred were still two impressive women that would balance each other well. They are a perfect match on the intellectual level, which is a necessity in their case because of how they take pride in their academic achievements, and have the same tendency to self centerdness so they won’t hurt each other much or be too needy. Their big transformative experience that made them temporary a big evil and left them in a in-between state: between good and evil, though they more good than bad, is the key for them to make things work and get over their insecurity. Also they lost Oz and Gunn and won’t find better guys (Willow is bi for me), so it’s time for Fred to get over men (dating Wesley was a major mistake).

Angel: single or Angel x Illyria (inspired by the comics) because considering his selfishness and lack of remorse, he doesn’t deserve happiness and that’s one thing for sure that Illyria will never give him. Based on her bond with Wesley, she’s more likely to feed him the lllusion of a relationship but i don’t think he needs more because he’s clearly still incapable at the end of season 5 of showing emotional support and commitment. He has Connor anyway, and trying to amend for what he didn’t do for him, without this time messing with other people’s life would be his first real step toward redemption.

Spike x Faith: That’s the obvious choice for Spike given his fascination for slayers. Also I can’t see him falling for a vampire now that he has a soul. This couple would work for all the reasons that Angel/Faith couldn’t work: Spike can be a friend and a lover to a woman. They are a good match because though they hold no illusion about their nature and their past, they’re not torturing themselves about redemption. They just help when they can. They won't be necessary a stable couple: i see separations and reconciliations in repeat cycles, but also a lot of fun. Their potential to become iconic is big.

Gunn x Anne: they are my ideal couple/choice for an endgame, both shows include, because they fit my favourite trope: from friends to lovers. And their also the only racial mixte couple that i can imagine in the Buffyverse (i never liked Faith with Wood and even less the idea of Faith and Gunn), after Gunn and Fred.They have always been supportive and protective of each other during their limited time onscreen. They had few scenes but i don’t doubt they revealed the entire truth about their relationship. Anne is the mature love that Gunn waited for all his life.They share the same hope, fights, values and support both the same community of homeless teens/young adults who try to survive in the streets, from which they both came from. Their communication is top: they don’t shy from asking each other help or advice. I see it as very long lasting relationship, with a lot of kids and a happy home.        

Connor x Gwen: They complete each other: he likes older women with good fighting skills and she’s still immature emotionally and inexperimented despite her dominant  attitude and her overconfidence. They remind me of Spike and Drusilla but as a less iconic and less cruel version. 

Giles: he should definitely stay single or maybe hook up again with Ethan if he reappears someday. He won’t be able to find love again after what he has become, though it doesn’t mean there’s isn’t someone somewhere to take pity on him, juste like Angel with Illyria. I don’t cry about him: he made his life and his choices without pressure, contrary to the young people that he had the opportunity to mentor on btvs (the scoobies) and that he failed badly.  

[billiewena]

Hi, so I’m going to watch spn s7 for the first time soon, and don’t really want to watch the whole Cas-less stretch from 7x03 to 7x16, but also don’t want to miss anything particularly good/important, so wondered if you had any recommendations as to what episodes to watch / not watch? No worries if not, just you seemed like a good person to ask (given your tags on your s13 post). Thanks!!

Hey no worries! I'm honored to be trusted with this haha. I've definitely come to appreciate S7 more over the years and think there's still value in it. Usually in a first watch I like watching everything because there will always be small character moments. But there's also a lot of fillers in the Gamble era that have little to no impact on the story later on that you can just read an episode summary for. Here's my suggestions:

7x03: CAN skip but I enjoy it. Good Sam flashback episode with some more lore on John's A+ Parenting, does set-up some dumb conflict thing between the brothers that happens this season. You'll get told what happened later on though and besides that, the characters involved never get mentioned again.

7x04: Watch! There's a heartbreaking cameo and it's a good "let's explore your psyche" episode for Dean. Also, Sam tries to be a lawboy and it's hilarious.

7x05: Definitely skip. Unless you're a diehard Buffy stan and want to see two alum reunite. Basically they hunt a married witch couple whose arguing and secret affairs are supposed to be a metaphor for how Dean isn't communicating things and is holding information from Sam. Dean does have a nightmare about Cas tho (thankfully you can just watch it on YouTube.)

7x06: WATCH. The best episode of the Leviathan plot that'll explain their situation for the rest of the season (and provides some important Leviathan lore). Super fun moments, and Bobby and Jody are there too! Also thee Robbie Thompson's first episode.

7x07: Skip. Basically, after the events of 7x06 the brothers reunite for a psychic and necromancer case and decide to keep working together.

7x08: Could skip tbh, but it's Garth's first appearance (who is beloved by all) and overall a wacky but fun episode. So...watch?

7x09: Watch. It's another big Leviathan/Main Plot episode (even if a less fun one), Dean brings up Cas while drunk, and there's something big that happens at the end.

7x10: DEFINITELY WATCH. The only episode guaranteed to make me cry.

7x11: Can skip. But there's a fun teen hunter named Krissy Chambers who was basically the OG Claire Novak and who shows up again in S8. But unfortunately both of her episodes are fillers.

7x12: Could either way on this one, watch if you have time but don't worry if you need to skip. Fun time travel episode with Eliot Ness (if you're a Deangirl definitely worth it to see Dean being a nerd in an old 40s get-up.) Also a good Sam and Jody episode that sets her up as their new best friend. At the very least watch my favorite dick joke of the season.

7x13: I honestly say skip, tho I know some people will say "no, how could you!!!" Basically, Dean sleeps with a monster lady and accidentally becomes a baby daddy to a monster daughter for an episode. They're never brought up again and I personally hate the ep, but a lot like it.. You could always go back and watch it if you ever see meta/fanfic about Emma and get curious!

7x14: Definitely skip but it's hilarious. Sam and Dean fight some evil, murderous clowns. Like actual clowns.

7x15: I say Watch. Biased because I like this episode, but it does set-up a Sam plot that'll be especially relevant for Cas's return (and it makes demons fun and homoerotic again.)

7x16: Skip. Some old thrift items turn out to be cursed, including evil ballet shoes. Definitely read the plot summary of this one for a couple small things, but otherwise all you need to know is that Sam's still not doing so great.

And Cas comes back in 7x17, of course. Honestly every episode after that in S7 is worth watching for plot reasons or Cas, Charlie, Garth, Kevin, Meg, Crowley, etc. 7x19 might be the only one where you can probably read a plot summary and call it a day.

That's my thoughts, if anyone agrees/disagrees definitely feel free to chime in! 👇

[jennycalendar]

OKAY. issue 14! bet you’ve all really missed these posts, huh?

so as i mentioned earlier today: when i first saw that bitty preview, my heart went “it would be so funny/ridiculous/wonderful/tragic if jenny was staring into the camera contemplating how fucking much she really wished she hadn’t just hooked up with her kinda emotionally unavailable boyfriend,” and i reluctantly discarded that possibility as relatively unlikely (which i REALLY REALLY REALLY need to learn to NOT DO at this point given that boom studios has spent an entire year just going out of its way to exceed my expectations!!! ridiculous!!!) and moved on with my life.

And Then.

(a brief reprieve from my meta to SCREAM about giles and jenny and their HOOKUP. a THING THAT HAPPENED. she is IN HIS BED. the only canon i respect is reboot canon that’s IT.)

this conversation’s been a long time coming. jenny planted the seeds for it in issue 6:

and was subsequently (and gently) shut down by giles in a way that -- at the time, and without seeing his decision in the museum when the chips were down -- did seem like genuine growth and understanding on his part.

when we circle back to giles’s watcher-related hang-ups, it’s framed this time as something that has the potential to hurt jenny -- something that he will always place above her, in a way that initially made me assume that canon was building towards jenny demanding a relationship where she’s prioritized unequivocally first.

but jenny’s real concerns get brought up again in issue 14.

giles brings up the concept of “healing together,” framing the entire thing as just a communication snafu that they can work together to resolve -- and emphasizing that his priority here is rebuilding his relationship with jenny. his decision to let joyce die at the museum is described by him as “an unfair test that you had to endure,” and he very clearly sees the entire thing as water under the bridge now that they’re both safe, alive, and in their right mind.

jenny is very clearly not in that place.

and now it is time for me to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, because THIS. THIS is the kind of jenny-and-giles content that i didn’t even know i wanted!!! they’re very clearly in love in a big, messy way that neither of them are trying to deny or work around; they’ve been an important part of each other’s lives for long enough that they feel comfortable calling each other out (whether it’s giles in issue 9 emphasizing that he’s “always been there” for jenny despite her tendency to shut him out, or it’s jenny in . uh. literally every single second she’s in a scene with giles, to be honest), and this is a genuine opportunity for growth on giles’s part that canon NEVER, EVER afforded him.

here’s where i stop waving my “jenny and giles have been married forever in boom reboot canon” flag for a little while, though, because i think that that actually detracts from the utter amazingness of jenny’s characterization here. when thinking of jenny’s determination to make knowledge accessible to all, coupled with the fact that any comments she made about buffy in canon reflected buffy’s age (i.e. buffy is a BABY), it’s pretty obvious that she would so not be okay with the deal buffy’s been handed. ESPECIALLY when juxtaposed with jenny’s own relationship to duty and destiny -- and the fact that she was herself forced into a situation she didn’t choose and cannot turn away from. obviously original canon never actually explored jenny’s motivations, personal philosophy, and internal thought process (because original canon kinda just threw random plot points at jenny so that giles would have a hot girlfriend, which is gross), but jordie is doing a PHENOMENAL job of that here. it doesn’t MATTER how long jenny and giles have been dating in this situation: jenny is not here for your watchers’ council patriarchal bullshit, and she is ESPECIALLY not here for the fact that buffy and kendra are on death row while giles gets to opt out.

and before we dissect what quickly becomes an INCREDIBLE AND EXTREMELY CHARGED CONVERSATION, here’s an important thing that @ifeveristoday​ brought to my attention: the fact that jenny’s calling him “giles” and not rupert.

way back in og canon, names were a HUGELY important part of both giles and jenny’s character arcs and their relationship to each other. they both had fragmented, fractured identities (jenny and janna, rupert and ripper, i’ve talked about this literally so often let’s move on), and the way they addressed each other very often said a lot about where they were. jenny almost always called giles rupert in canon, very clearly as an attempt to bridge the gap between them; the only times she calls him giles or mr. giles are in “when she was bad” (when she’s clearly trying to keep herself balanced in the face of new and fluttery feelings) and in prophecy girl (yeah, that one’s just inconsistent writing. that’s how jenny’s character flows.)

keeping that in mind, i always was a little bit thrown by the fact that jenny’s called giles by his surname so often in this canon -- but now that we’ve got a pretty solid arc going when it comes to their relationship, there’s a pretty established pattern in the writing.

outside of this issue, here are the places where jenny’s called him giles:

and in each of these other instances, you wanna guess what she’s doing? shutting him out. it’s a little gentler in issue 6 (and she’s more easily swayed), but in all of these situations, she is very clearly distancing herself from him. jenny’s got a habit of trying to pull back and away when the going gets tough, specifically because she knows giles well enough to know that she’s not gonna get through to him on watcher-related matters.

back to THIS.

FELLAS. OH MY FUCKING GOD. i don’t even know where to START here, so let’s go with the easiest one: issue nine set me the FUCK up!!!! jenny pulling away from giles, jenny expressing deep hurt and sadness when it becomes clear that he prioritizes buffy over all else...i automatically assumed that this is her realizing that her boyfriend would have let her die and being horrified about THAT. but the reality of this -- the reality revealed by this issue -- is SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER: the horror that we see on jenny’s face is because the man she loves has been warped by a corrupt system to the point where he doesn’t understand the kind of hurt he’s perpetuating.

and then !!!! jenny absolutely refusing to accept giles’s answer of “this is so much harder for me than you can ever understand,” because he is a grown man with the ability to opt out and she is advocating for two teenage girls who do not have that same luxury. he keeps on trying to turn the argument into something about how buffy’s life isn’t THAT bad, about how buffy’s not REALLY on her deathbed, about how buffy is strong and incredible and jenny is doing her a disservice -- but jenny repeatedly shuts that shit down. “it’s like a religion for you,” she says, like that’s not the rawest fucking line she’s ever gotten to say. thank you, jordie bellaire, for my goddamn life.

and then jenny LEAVES. and she does not fall back into giles’s arms when he says that togetherness is such an important component of healing after the hellmouth. and that says a whole damn lot about what both of them want: jenny wants giles to take accountability for the shitty things HE did and continues to do, and giles...loves jenny and wants her in his life to the point where he’s not listening to a single thing she’s trying to say.

let’s bring back my favorite panel from issue 9:

this sums up my point pretty well, i think. giles keeps on thinking that jenny doesn’t hear what he’s saying -- that if he says it a different way, stresses a different point, she’ll cave and understand how much he loves her and wants to be with her. but the thing is, he’s the one who isn’t listening: jenny is repeatedly saying that she loves him, and that that’s why she’s holding him to the standard that she does. she knows that he can be better than he is, and she’s disappointed in the man he’s becoming.

at this point, i’m pretty sure there’s more to come with regards to giles and jenny. this is a narrative that has very clearly tossed the concept of “world’s best watcherly dad” in favor of “the watchers’ council fucks up the lives of teenage girls and giles is complicit in that.” jenny leaving giles has the potential to push him towards positive growth and character development -- or he could continue to firmly and stubbornly ignore the reality of his situation.

personally, i’m DEEPLY hoping that it’s the former -- and that we get to see giles and jenny come together again after they’ve had the opportunity to grow outside of their relationship. i think there could be something really powerful and wonderful about seeing giles deconstruct his shitty watcher-related views & work towards becoming someone who can genuinely help buffy and kendra (AND smooch his ms. calendar silly, bc she’s sure been having a time of it as of late.) and can you imagine how great 2020 would be with a giles and jenny who have actually learned how to effectively communicate???? ASTOUNDING.

tl;dr: rupert giles and jenny calendar are VERY much in love with each other, VERY sick of each other’s bullshit, and VERY stupid. let’s hope they get their house in order.

[impalementation]

I was the Drusilla anon and I really loved your analysis (and all your other analysis’) and I was wondering if you have any thoughts on what Whistler is supposed to represent in Becoming?

Oh man, I’m so glad you liked it! It was a really fun question I hadn’t considered before.

As for Whistler, hmmm. I don’t know if this is a basic answer or not, but I think you could see him as either an authorial stand-in, or as a sort of general “figure” of authorship. Since season two is, in my view, pretty meta about the value/flaws of romantic stories, it makes sense to go as meta as including an author figure. Like an author, Whistler has more information than the characters, and a sense of how their stories should play out. He’s smugly omniscient and exists safely outside the struggles of the characters. Also, because season two involves betrayal by romance, it makes sense that Whistler would be frustrated that Angel failed to be the hero he was “written” to be, and now is the villain. 

Moreover, Buffy has a pattern of defying male authorities who think her life should go in a certain way. So for that reason, it fits that this figure of authorship and fate is male, and that he—like many other authorities over the course of the show—talks a big game about how Buffy is alone and can only rely on herself. Which is a thing that the show is clear about thinking is bad; it’s very much anti-isolated Chosen One stories. (The fact that Whistler wants the dark brooding guy to be the hero, and wants Buffy to be isolated, arguably makes him a figure of “bad” authorship). So part of the tragedy of season two is that it’s maybe the only season with an ending in which Buffy only sort of thwarts fate. On the one hand, she does kill Angel, the guy that was (again) “written” per Becoming, Part 1 to be a hero. But on the other hand, she ends up totally alone. It will take her until the end of season three to work herself back from the state of complete isolation she starts out with Anne, to being a leader of her community in Graduation Day. 

So this may be a stretch, but I think you could argue that the presence of Whistler draws attention to the fact that stories the show considers “bad” kind of win at the end of season two. Without him being a sleazy voice of authorship, Becoming might have run the risk of playing too romantically. He adds an edge to the romance of the narrative structure the same way that the odd moments of naturalistic style (note that cinema verite camerawork at the beginning of Becoming, Part 2, or that hilarious moment with Joyce and Spike in Buffy’s living room) add balance to the highly romantic gothic imagery in Becoming, Part 1 or the heightened climax (with its swordfights and tragic kisses) of Becoming, Part 2.

[khaleesiofthegreatdairystate]

I’m now rather cynical about destiel meta, so please excuse me. I’ve been holding onto these feelings for a while now.

I kind of hate this ask I answered because the only people who reblog and/or like it now are people who condescend or patronize me just for not thinking that every single fucking piece of set design is some super secret code that Dean is bisexual!

One of the reasons I departed from the destiel meta community is my complete bafflement with the meta writers who still for some reason have faith in the artistic integrity current crop of writers and producers. Dean didn’t dance with Garth in his dentist dream because Dean is going to integrate more with his inner self, let go all of his insecurities about what kind of man John wanted him to be, and embrace his bisexuality. He danced because Dabb made yet another cheap pop for the audience who still shallow the show whole sale and keep begging for the taste, no matter how insultingly stupid and nonsensical Supernatural has gotten. Anael knew that Ruby was actually loyal to Lilith?! WHAT! How can anyone think that’s anything but a giant fuck you to the audience?

Do I personally think Dean is bisexual? Yes. But I do think that every single person who has ever worked on the show in its 15 year history thinks that, HELL NO! Also I deeply doubt that Jensen thinks Dean is. So why would he play that scene in the Benders like Dean is bi? Especially way back in season 1 when the show was still acting like Dean might just be as macho and douche-y and very heterosexual as he portrayed himself as being.

It has to be said that there are accidents in art! I mean, no fucking really, right?

Not every single detail in every single TV show you’ve seen was planned by a creative mind. Writers and directors even make mistakes! Kripke didn’t plan on the big, over arcing Bible Apocalypse for Supernatural until season 4. All of that vague speech making on the part of Azazel in season 2 wasn’t connected to anything concrete in Kripke’s mind at the time. Kripke got lucky and was smart to hire Ben Edlund because the two of them were able to make everything seem connected even though it wasn’t originally. Also, if it wasn’t for the writer’s strike in season 3, the show would have been entirely different because Dean wouldn’t have gone to Hell in the first place, which means angels probably wouldn’t have been a part of the show. So there were mistakes and plot holes back when the original creator was still running the show. How can anyone have such perfect faith in that flawed group of people to believe that every action done by them is clearly a part of some secret code and not done for a plethora of other reasons? A director might choose ascetics over symbology, or rather what the symbology of the meta writers believes it to be. The “symbol” could be an in-joke for the crew. The set could have been dressed for Sam and Dean to stand in one part of it but for some reason Sam and Dean perform the scene in a different part of it.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

In the sixth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer a few of the characters wore shirts with numbers on them for no other reason than it was fashionable at the time. The fans ascribed all kinds of symbolic meanings to the numbers on the various characters’ shirts but they meant nothing, nothing at all. A number shirt can be just a number shirt and the same is true with Supernatural.

But okay...even if that completely innocuous scene of Sam and Dean playing pool in the Benders was an untold message to fans possessing a higher knowledge of Dean that he sucked off one of the bikers in the bathroom...what does that give us? I guess for some people it paints an image of Dean always being secure in someway with his sexuality. That’s good for those people, I guess. You do you. I still don’t understand why it’s wrong or harmful for some people, like me, to believe Dean largely repressed his bisexuality his entire life, so much so that he hardly if ever acted on those feelings, especially if he has a significantly higher preference for women.

Of course all of this is probably moot anyway because I don’t think bi!dean or textual destiel will happen. I think it’s possible that Dean and Cas will ride off into the sunset in Baby at the end but the state of their relationship will be cloaked in subtext and metaphor because Dabb doesn’t have the balls to do something that will make significant chunks of the fandom apoplectic.

[thedogsled]

You seem to be having a not a great day today, so here's a light-hearted ask. I'm having a good day, curled up in pjs with cuddly pets watching Leverage with my sister. Leverage is one of my favorite shows, because it's smart and fun and has great characters that grow over the seasons. Besides Supernatural, what's a show you really enjoy and why?

Thank you so much for the ask! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to it sooner, I’ve come down with a head cold and this is really the first day in several I’ve been able to compose more than a tweet about how much it sucks (swallowing = a knife jammed right into my inner ear, it’s super fun). But I did want to answer your question so I’ve been musing on it since your ask came in.

If it was just “what’s your favorite show right now” it’d be an easy answer: The Boys. The Boys, back to front, front to back, upside down and inside out. The first season was fantastic, and it felt like it woke me up to being excited about TV again after my interest in The Walking Dead waned mid-season. Everything new has seemed very plastic recently, and even The Mandalorian, which is super cool, is kind of like the Cartoon Network dub of Dragonball Z, so Disneyfied in its bloodlessness that although I’m enjoying it it feels even more synthetic as a result. The Boys was the opposite of that, and also just whoever invented Karl Urban, period, just deserves a nobel prize for that masterpiece. He pronounces twat wrong (okay okay it’s a dialect thing) but you can’t have everything =D

So instead (and because it’s cheating that I can pimp The Boys and wax lyrical about loves of old) I interpret your question as sort of like “Which show is your comfort food?” Which show do I go back to when I’m feeling like TV needs to give me a cuddle. I had a good think about it, because there’s a few…

(aside: I shouldn’t have put that gif in before I started writing. ahem.)

There’s been a few over the years, for sure. As a thirteen year old I used to watch and rewatch Buffy episodes, mostly season 2 (baby Spike!). At eighteen, it was old VHS of Deep Space Nine, my favorite ep was “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night” which I watched repeatedly and think about constantly even today. 

But the show I keep coming back to is due South.

This post is a long post, it also deals with discourse (because my relationship to entertainment is so often mired in it, so please don’t proceed if you’re rather avoid it) and this is where it begins:

Okay, so fun fact: I watched due South the first time it aired with my parents (I was about 9) and then when it was on TV again as a repeat, I recorded it on VHS by RUSHING home every single day from school with nothing else on my mind but sitting on the floor two feet from the telly to watch it. Quantum Leap was on right after, and I had an entire different set of VHS tapes to record that on, so had to quickly switch between them. I’d stop recording at every break so that I could get more episodes on a tape. It’s not unsurprising to me now that both shows vibed with me as a young person who hadn’t yet really accepted that she was queer; due South’s main character is coded as Other both to the Americans whom he lives with, and his fellow Canadians, while Quantum Leap explores a straight white man jumping into the lives of Others, and living through them some of the hardest moments in their lives. Even though both keep it exceedingly, textually hetero, one has two men riding off into the snowy sunset together (leaving behind a straight lover to do so) and the other features a love between two men that in the original framing of the finale would have seen God/fate reconnecting the two of them even though one was lost in time, and the partner’s wife begging him to go.)

Of course young me didn’t give a shit about that, or didn’t realize that’s what she cared about. Young me loved the buddy-cop partnership of both shows. Young me liked the half-wolf, and the episodes where they ride horses, and honestly just waiting with bated breath to find out where Sam would jump to this time. “Oh boy!” Retrospectively, these shows (especially QL) are a lot more oh boy in a yikes context now than they used to be, but it’s good that shows age into yikes territory because it means that society is steadily advancing. Particularly, pointing out that these shows both feature white straight guys like…welcome to the nineties.

I was introduced to queer coding in part by watching due South. The show is laden with it. With writers, actors, and ultimately an executive producer who was all three, it makes you wonder if they would have gone there if they could; certainly the ending reads that way. They couldn’t, of course, because it was the nineties (and it was CBS that revived it after enormous international fan demand). Still, there was just nothing else analogous to what we have now that was going there on TV at the time. If you were queer (or discovering your queerness) then watching the show meant everything, as it did to me. So I snuggle up on the couch often these days and go back to that, because it gave me such joy, and because I was left with the opportunity to decide for myself how deep the relationship was. There was no promise of anything, because the context at the time was of course you can’t go there, nobody can go there. Queerbaiting was a word that simply hadn’t been breathed. There was no intent, no companies behind the curtain pulling strings going “Yes, make it more gay, we want those queer dollars”, just invested people slipping what they could past the studio censors.

Like this:

Sigh. A less enlightened time. =P (Incidentally fun meta here but this was after a conversation where Ray suggested that communication in a relationship should be intuitive, like breathing.)

So I guess in part I escape back there because none of that representation was ever as loaded as it is today. It doesn’t require me to judge it, or weigh it against the harm it does - because the politics of the time meant I thought it was doing good (retrospectively, and only through the lens of someone who had nothing to lose). It seemed to scream out into an unyielding universe to force it to move. It did a fraction of that, because of course it did. It was the nineties. It stole indigenous narratives and romanticized colonialism just as much as it beat the drum of environmentalism and kicked at the doors of corporate greed and racism. Old shows are inherently problematic. Today’s shows are too. Being able to examine them doesn’t mean not loving them, but it lets you say “Okay, so what do I expect from the things I watch today? What do I expect from the things I watch in five years time?”

All that aside, the show is just damn good. It’s watchable and rewatchable. It struggles to age because it was already so out of pace with the age it was made in–despite its flaws in representation, it was better than other shows at the time that demonized, tokenized, or outright killed minorities to push white narratives on their own shows (Kendra being murdered on Buffy, for example). It’s standalone enough that you can go back and watch any episode you like because overarching story arcs were way less of a staple as they are today.  It’s witty, fast paced, full of action and moral dilemma, do gooding and the consequences of it. Although still severely unbalanced, and very, very white, it did still have indigenous actors playing indigenous characters, and minorities portrayed in stories about them. There’s a dog. There’s classic cars. And it’s all put to the soundtrack of Canadian bands and singers. 

tl;dr ahead for rambling about subtext and being a disaster queer, but please scroll past for more gifs.

Queer me needed this show, in a world where I’d been taught to look and see myself in straight white male protagonists, it felt like A Lot to see all this on screen. It wasn’t, but it was all I got when I was growing up. I envy the good fortune of kids who can see themselves on screen these days while they try and figure themselves out (and hopefully more so in the future) with far less of having to negotiate through the confusion of looking at it through confusing fractals of different lenses and instead just see someone who looks like them showing them that their POV is normal, heroic and wonderful. Those lenses fucked me up big time. Like I’m not even sure right now what flavor of queer I am. I cling to bi like a lifeline of sense in my life, but it is complicated because I overwhelmingly desire the company of women way way more. But also I was was taught to look through the lens of a white dude in order to see myself universally, taught to be both desirous of the female body and humiliated by it, ashamed by sex, taught men were awful, and taught that I was supposed to marry one anyway. I look at my sexuality/romanticism like it’s a meta puzzle that I haven’t figured out yet, wondering how to put it on paper, how to break apart the different influences I experienced as a youngling and as an adult to try and negotiate if I’m misreading my own impulses. How I was brought up, who I’ve known, the relationships I’ve experienced and seen in real life and on TV. I’m 34 and I’m still no more certain. Subtext is both my friend and my enemy. I hate it, and I owe everything to it.

So when I need a rest from giving a shit about any of that noise, I go back to my comfort food. I go right back to subtext, which gave me the tools I needed to desire romance that wasn’t heterosexual, that somehow was more intimate because it relied on longing stares and never stepping foot out of the closet, that was just someone liking another person without any expectation of sex just because they have opposing genitals, and their colleagues hassle them a lot. There’s nothing wrong with the sex, I write a lot of consommation of the feelings that I see bubbling under the surface. I have even grown to appreciate het romance when it’s done in a way that doesn’t reduce the woman to a love interest–I was thrilled when Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane got together with Teresa Lisbon in The Mentalist. Their relationship was filled with subtext too. Subtext isn’t a queer thing, it has a role in all well written romance. Hell, it has a role in terriblebad tropey misogynistic romance, too. And just you know basically all storytelling (and more). 

Queer romance existing only in the subtext, though? It’s heartbreaking explicitly because it feels like a story that isn’t finished, and that’s where subtext reliant shows can hand off the story to be finished by fandom itself. In due South, as I mentioned before, Ray and Fraser jump into a dogsled and ride off over the snowy horizon to “Find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort sea”. It’s where I chose my meta name, as I’ve mentioned before, because that ending - that ending - handed us all the subtext so far and said “Here, take it, it’s yours now. Do with it what you like”–and we did. But that was twenty years ago. I loved that ending (I still think it was a very elegant solution) and it was expected and appropriate for a show that in itself is a “Faves Are Problematic” show, but that’s also why I get so passionate about discussing the subtext in Supernatural.

It’s younger than due South. While it may have begun back when Willow from Buffy had her first girlfriend, it is ending now, not at the turn of the century where a dogsled was still good enough to get the point across and none of us had Twitter. My own experiences, my lifelong queer confusion make it so I feel pretty damn bad for people trying to use Supernatural as a medium for their own self-exploration, using characters from SPN as their lenses. A show these days that makes bank on those tropes and doesn’t inform its audience (positively or negatively) is doing so irresponsibly because of the modern context in which the show presently (not historically) sits, and the increasing awareness of the issues surrounding it. Networks, then, are ultimately responsible for that, but they are in a way which is entirely different and far more directly culpable than they were 20 years ago, because people are out there making money out of those intentional subtextual devices. They chose to do it; took a deep breath and backed right up away from Gamble’s problematic queerbashing tropes, chewed it over, then hired gay writers and dived right back in with more grown up, progressive, and less shitty subtext–but still subtext. 

This show that ended 20 years ago was able to cross way more lines with subtext in one episode than Supernatural has done sometimes in an entire season. It did so despite and because of it’s international audience, on a conservative network that would late purchase Paramount, and Star Trek, and ended with a powerfully subtextual ending. Supernatural, of course, is under a far more powerful microscope from the bigots than those oblivious to subtext back in the 90s could have ever produced. due South, like SPN was just “wholesome family entertainment” to a conservative audience that was completely oblivious by all accounts, yet was laden heavily with queer innuendo. It was also blissfully short, and existed in a social media world which consisted of Yahoo groups and not much else. 

In modern context, Supernatural gets a fox in the henhouse treatment from that same audience, and acts accordingly (when it’s not using that same subtext to deliver earnest Fuck You’s to that audience). While I expect Supernatural to bravely - even considering this scrutiny - deliver a dogsled subtextual ending on a good day, there are bad days, too, because the queer subtext has been underlined so loudly that everyone can see it, because it’s “practically text”, because the bottom line is increasingly more concerned with satisfying those bigots (even while they mock them), and because queer fans are “too loud” about what they want. How dare they. /s The pushback caused by being loud about things you care about, the bigots actually seeing subtext in front of their noses, isn’t bad because now they know what we’ve been doing all along, and we won’t be able to get away with it any more; it means they’re becoming more aware of narratives other than their own. Yes, some people will push back, but “when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”, and they can shove it right up their asses.

All I ever ask of myself when I interrogate my present day viewing experience, is this: when I sat as a youngster watching due South thinking “This subtextual ending is enough for me”, did I truly believe it was okay to be watching a show about two white guys with a subtextual ending 20 years later? Was that the future I dreamed of and aspired to? Would I be disappointed? The answer is yes, I am disappointed. No matter the whys, the fundamental and societal reasons–I am disappointed. I still love the show probably more than I should, but I am disappointed in the society it sits in - which is increasingly capitulating to far more powerful global financial powers than a couple of red state homophobes - and I’m disappointed in the way we’re treating each other for even caring, and I’m disappointed in myself, too, for being naive and imagining we would be much further down this road now than we are. But we are a capitalistic society, and being both the commodity and the customer should be a surprise to literally nobody at this point. It doesn’t mean you have to like it.

And if you don’t feel that way, that’s okay. We all come from different places. We have different perspectives. We need and want different things, for different reasons, and find joy in different things for different reasons. Variety of opinion is as much a wonderful thing as it is completely terrifying.

I’ve wandered somewhat off topic, so I’m going to go back to the show I love, my chocolate pudding and custard comfort food TV show, and the long stares and the beautiful uncomplicated subtext.

And sign off with half a dozen gifs.

Eye fucking:

Conversations in closets and bathrooms:

Going down with the ship

Intuitively understanding each other without a word spoken

His hobbies humiliate me in public

“Do you find me attractive?”

Sulking in the corridor while you reunite with your ex

This whole ep with original Ray:

And his wolf approving of both

Not pictured “I love you” “And I you”, “Get out of the closet”, actual hand holding when it’s unnecessary, formally handcuffing your buddy, getting stuck in an ice crevasse and a mini submarine together–and so so much more. I invite you to watch the show if you can find it (I have it on a really nice set of DVDs, but there’s some dodgy ones out there that look like they recorded the DVD straight off a VHS, so do check reviews) or else try and find it online. There was a Canada promoting YouTube channel which published both due South and shows like Slings and Arrows, which I recommend as well (It’s not actually bury your gays if the ghost of your gay best friend haunts you, right?) so you should be able to poke around and find a legit copy somewhere. I’ve bigged it up and talked it down, and wandered a long way off topic (that describes my relationship with every show, but especially when I recommend them) but I hope somewhere along the line I also answered the question. The way I hear it Leverage is a similar sort of comfort food, though I haven’t seen it. Sounds like I should put it on my To Watch list.

[herefortheships]

Tonight is it. Tonight is the series finale of Supernatural. 

When I started watching this show in 2009, I had no idea the impact it would later have in my life. I owe so much to Supernatural, and especially Destiel, for the person I became. This show basically feels like a part of me, and even though I did fall out of love with it for some time, I never stopped watching it, because Sam, Dean, Cas, and later Jack, meant so much to me, even though I didn’t like the story/plot anymore, I cared to see how their stories would end. 

I had never gotten this emotionally involved with a TV show in my life. I’d say I got even more involved than Buffy, which is the other big TV show in my life. The difference probably lies on the fact that I binge watched Buffy, but I watched Supernatural real-time for 11 years. 

Here is my story with Supernatural:

I first heard of the show from one of my best friends at University. She was a huge fan. She recommended the show to me in 2008. She showed me images she had saved of Dean and Sam, and told me the basics of it; she was a Wincest shipper (later converted to a Destiel shipper), so her biggest investment in SPN was the brothers. I didn’t think Dean and Sam (Jensen and Jared) were as handsome as she thought they were. haha But she was crazy about them! I didn’t really get interested in watching the show; it didn’t exactly sound like something I’d watch.

Later, in 2009, my mom left the TV on as we sorted the laundry, and Supernatural was playing on TNT. My mom is a huge fan of Charmed, and she would always watch the Charmed reruns on TNT. She left it on and Supernatural started, and she got interested so she kept watching it. I don’t remember exactly which episode was playing (maybe the Wendigo episode? Not sure, but it was an early season episode). And after that day, we kind of started watching it out of order. 

I became really interested in the show and kept watching it after that day with my mom and sisters, but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fan. I mean, I was a fan, but I still wasn’t that emotionally invested. When I could finally watch the entire show up to that point in order until Swan Song, that’s when I was already emotionally invested. I had become a “Sam!girl” and I cared so much about what was going to happen next. I was really happy when I found that a season 6 was happening and Sam was alive and out of Hell, and I was really happy to see that it was Sera Gamble running it, because her episodes had been my favorite. (I regretted being excited about Sera Gamble later though lol). 

During season 6 it’s when I started to notice Destiel. Or at least, I started noticing that Castiel was in love with Dean. In my mind, though, there was no way Dean was in love with Cas because for me back then, Dean was straight. I was also raised very conservative and catholic, so for me back then, homosexuality was a sin and it made me uncomfortable to think about it. Especially when deep inside, I wondered if I was not straight myself and I was scared about it--I knew I wasn’t exactly straight, but I was afraid to even consider the possibility (turns out, I’m asexual--I’ll get to that in a minute). For me Dean was straight even if Cas did love him. I started hearing about Destiel around that time in the internet, too. And my sister from the moment she saw Cas’ intro she was like “that’s Dean’s man”, though I thought she was joking. I saw Destiel art for the first time under Facebook posts, and I remember replying to those posts that it was beautiful art, but “the show is about Sam and Dean, about the brothers” (How dumb was I. lol).

So, I watched through seasons 6 and 7, and around this time Cas had become a favorite character for me, and seeing what Sera Gamble did with the character really hurt me. I hated the Megstiel fling they wrote for Cas, and hated what happened to Cas in season 7 when he lost his mind. That was painful to watch (I especially hated the Megstiel in season 7, it felt like... rape? If you know what I mean, since Cas wasn’t okay in his mind I felt like she could take advantage of him... That’s another conversation for another time, though). I had fallen out of love with Supernatural for the first time during season 7. But watching Supernatural had become something obvious for me and my family, you know? We’d always watch it, even if I wasn’t enjoying the story anymore. So, when season 8 started, we were right there to watch. 

And that’s when I really, really, saw Destiel happen right before my eyes. It was episode 8x02, and Dean remembered the moment he found Cas in Purgatory. That scene, that moment... I ran to my sister’s room (who was no longer interested in Supernatural), and I told her. I told her Destiel is real. I started researching online to see if other people really considered Destiel as a serious ship, or if it was just a for fun ship, as I had thought until then. And that’s how I came across Tumblr. I found Destiel Meta about season 7. And it made so much sense. Like, even season 7, which I hated and didn’t make sense to me, started to make sense! As a matter of fact, it only made sense when I looked at it through a Destiel lens. I found this huge community of people who saw Destiel and hoped for it to happen in canon. People who, like me, would only ship relationships that had potential for canon, and saw this in Destiel. I found, I am not imagining this; it’s really there. Dean and Castiel really have a shot at being together in canon. 

I also discovered the word “asexual” and what it means thanks to the reading of Castiel as asexual, during this time in late 2012, and I could finally define myself after wondering for years if I was actually a lesbian and I still hadn’t really defined it, though I liked boys but not in a sexual way. I found the term asexuality and I finally knew where I fit. I learned SO much through Destiel, and Tumblr, about sexuality and sexual orientations, about gender, about identity and representation, about the struggles and fight of the LGBTQ community... I can honestly say I am a better person today thanks to this ship. This is why representation matters so much.

Moving on, I fell out of love with Supernatural again during season 9. But by this time, I was too emotionally invested in these characters to quit the show. Seasons 10 was the same. I didn’t care much. Season 11... I was really uncomfortable with the Amara thing, given she was shown as a baby and Dean had this sexual connection to her... It was so darn weird. But then I realized something: Amara was an object that was there to develop Destiel even more?? And I got interested in SPN again, but I was treading carefully, because I felt like this show was kind of always baiting the fandom with Destiel, never to deliver in the end. I cared again, but never like I used to care back during season 8. 

Season 8 was my peak as a Supernatural and Destiel fangirl. During season 11 it was when I realized that I only cared about the characters now, but predominantly, I only cared about DeanCas at this point. The storylines were not engaging anymore, and some themes had become repetitive, because everything had been explored with these characters, except for the DeanCas romance (in a textual way). I wanted to see if their relationship was ever going to be acknowledged somehow in the show. 

Since season 11, up until November 5th, 2020, season 15 episode 18, I was watching Supernatural casually, just to see what would become of the characters and especially what would become of Destiel. I thought the MOST we were ever going to get was something ambiguous and easy to dismiss. Something like hand holding at MOST, but realistically, a glance that shippers could say meant more, but haters could easily dismiss. And then, 15x18 happened: Castiel confessed his love to Dean Winchester, in a final sacrifice of love. Cas said “I love you” after saying all these beautiful things about Dean and all the reasons why he fell in love with him. How Dean changed him for good. 

Suddenly, everything was possible. Suddenly, Destiel could really happen. It didn’t matter that Castiel was dead, because Castiel has been dead before too many times, and so has Dean (lol). Cas had to come back! And Dean would say those words back. 

All of those years, we were right! Destiel was truly a love story. 

I was okay for years, if Destiel never went canon, I didn’t mind anymore, because they were canon to me. I never even dreamed we’d get a canon love confession, and even less did I consider we’d be getting such a beautiful and epic love confession as the one we got. 

Now, as I wait for the finale episode in the series, I expect Destiel will be fully canon tonight. As I wait, I am a bundle of nerves and anticipation for the first time in years, in wait for a new episode. I am once again emotionally invested in these characters like I was years ago. Because now, Dean and Cas really do have a shot at being together at the end of this story. Now it’s no longer a fan fantasy and hope; now it’s real. Destiel is real. Destiel is canon. I have to say, after the way they have set up the story, I will be incredibly disappointed if it doesn’t resolve the way I hope, with a DeanCas happy ending. I cannot forgive a one-sided Destiel ending when they could have just let us have our headcanons at the end of the show. But at least we know Destiel was always real, and it was mentioned in the show, so it’s now indisputable that this was always a love story. That’s the up side. Castiel has confessed his feelings for Dean; he was canonically in love with Dean all this time and his rebellion against Heaven was all for Dean, and nobody can take that away from us now. In my heart I know, Dean is also in love with Cas, and that will be one of my takeaways from this show, especially now that Cas has come out and said the words. If I was right about Cas loving Dean, I am right about Dean loving Cas. 

As I wait for the series finale, I know in my heart, Supernatural will always be special for me. Not only because of Destiel, but because of all the years watching it with my mom and sisters and finding the fandom and participating in a fandom for the first time in my life. It was fun, and it was life-changing. 

I am incredibly grateful to Supernatural, this fandom, and especially Destiel. I am a better person because of this fandom, and I have zero regrets having been a part of this. (Even when I complain about Supernatural all the time! haha).

Super long ramble, and probably I could have worded this better, but I had to write something today, as it is the final day of Supernatural.

Let us hope for a happy ending. 

~ Des., November 19th, 2020

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

(2/2) especially given that the first thing i shipped once i knew what shipping was comes from the realm of daytime soaps, where people are betraying and backstabbing each other constantly lol. for me, i think it comes down to framing. if the show frames a pairing as abusive/toxic, i can deal with it a lot better than with fandoms and shows that romanticize it or sweep it under the rug. that, and of course, chemistry, is a big part of the reason i hate ships like c$ but can enjoy a pairing (2/3)

So, Tumblr ate some of your asks again (damn this hellsite lol) but we spoke on PM’s and you explained that in your other asks, you discussed toxic/dark ships, asked me what makes a dark ship work for me and the darkest ship I’ve ever shipped. You also said that some of the toxic ships you like such as Todd/Blaor and Joker/Harley work for you because of the framing of those ships.

I want to start off by saying, thank you so much for this ask. It’s such an interesting topic to discuss and I feel like it’s very relevant in fandom. There’s this hysteria around “abusive”, “toxic” and “dark” ships with people misusing or misunderstanding those words. I briefly discussed this previously in an ask I recieved about Stelena being abusive, which you can read here if you’re interested.

Overall, I think dark ships are brilliant because when they’re done correctly they can be the most intruiging, complex, authentic and gripping relationships in television. There’s no getting around the fact that love is tricky and complicated, and it can lead people down dark paths. Also, everyone has their issues, insecurities and scars, which often bleed into their relationships. So it’s only right that these sort of relationships should be portrayed in the media.

I feel very much the same as you about what makes a dark/toxic ship work for me. It’s all about the way that it’s portrayed and written. I can’t ship a dark or toxic ship when it’s romanticised or when the toxicity is glossed over or ignored, which is the case with ships like Ross/Rachel (Friends), Damon/Elena (The Vampire Diaries), Spike/Buffy (Buffy the Vampire Slayer - although my only qualms with this ship are in season 7, I actually think they were well written in season 6), Edward/Bella (Twlight) and many more. I have a particular issue with this because I think of all the young people that watch or read about these kind of relationships and aspire to have them and it concerns me. In my opinion, nobody should aspire to have a relationship like any of the ones I’ve just named or any other like them. 

Dark ships work for me when they’re authentic and realistic. These types of relationships are intense and passionate, but they’re also exhausting and very detrimental to the people involved. So when I see a ship like this I expect to see that. I expect to see the consequences, to see the people change as a result of the relationship and be pushed to the extremes. I’ve discussed this previously in response to an ask about Delena which you can read here (be warned, it is anti-Delena). In that ask, I use Jax and Tara as an example of a toxic ship that works, and I stand by that. What makes Jax and Tara work so well as a toxic ship is that it’s constantly acknowledged and we see the devastating impact their relationship has on both of them, but Tara in particular. Yet with ships such as Damon/Elena or Emma/Hook, all I ever see is their love being glorified and romanticised. 

I have to admit, I don’t have a tendency to ship dark ships. I’d say the only ships that I have that could fall into this category are Cook/Effy (Skins), Damon/Katherine (The Vampire Diaries), Dexter/Debra (Dexter), Ben/Callum (Eastenders) and Henry/Anne (The Tudors). There may be others, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head. There are different reasons as to why I still ship these couples despite them being dark and/or toxic. I’m going to analyse these ships one by one. Feel free to skip over this, because it’s going to be long and I’m literally just using this as the perfect excuse to talk about some of my favourite ships lol.

Cook and Effy (Skins)

I’ve spoken pretty in-depth about Cook and Effy being toxic and bad for each other previously. However, I’ll do it again because there are little things that I missed from my previous meta. Cook and Effy are toxic for one another at points, and this stems from the fact that as individuals they have a lot of issues and they use each other as a buffer for those issues. The reason they enter into a sexual relationship in season 3 is because they both use sex as way to deal with the disconnect they feel with others, but also because Cook wants to get one over on Freddie and Effy wants to deny her feelings for Freddie. As a result, they both unintentionally hurt each other. Cook knows that Effy is using him, but he allows it to happen which feeds into Effy’s pain about Freddie, whilst simuetanously causing himself pain, because he has genuine feelings for Effy. Their communication throughout season 3 is poor and they’re rarely honest with each other. Cook knows that Effy is in love with Freddie, but neither of them address this and it causes them both a lot of hurt. They also use each other as an escape. They run away together at the end of season 3; Effy to get away from Freddie and Cook because he wants to pursue the fantasy that he and Effy are going to live happily ever after. Although Effy willingly stays with Cook during that time, he does take her away from her home and loved ones and isolates her to an extent, because he wants to pursue this fantasy by any means necessary. He knows Effy doesn’t love him the way he loves her, but he goes into denial because he’d rather live a lie than lose her.

In season 4, when Effy finally admits her feelings for Freddie and gets into a relationship with him, she continues to cause Cook pain because she never validates his love for her. Instead, she ridicules and belittles him for it and downplays their relationship. When he tells her he still loves her, she tells him to piss off and later on she tells him that he was never good for her. Instead of admitting that what they had was real, but that she simply loved Freddie more, she makes Cook feel stupid as though what they had meant nothing. This leads to Cook once again going into denial. When Effy is suffering from mental illness and appears to not remember him, he plays along with her because it enables him to be with her, even if just for a short time.

The reason I’m still able to ship Cook and Effy is because despite the toxicity, there’s an equality present in their relationship. Everything that happens between them is mutual. Cook loves Effy but he never actively manipulates, coerces or pressures her to be with him in any way. In fact, he respects and accepts that she loves Freddie even though it hurts him. Effy hurts Cook by undermining their love, but excluding the one occassion where she tells him to piss off, she respects him and treats him with kindness. Cook and Effy never purposefully hurt each other or try to keep each other harm. The hurt they do cause each other is more an extension of their individual issues which have a knock on effect when it comes to their relationship. It’s not their relationship that’s toxic, it’s them as individuals. But also, the narrative never portrays Cook and Effy as being anything other than they are. We see the detrimental impact of their relationship and we hear Effy admit that they were bad for each other and would’ve never worked.

Damon and Katherine (The Vampire Diaries)

Once again, I have discussed Damon and Katherine’s relationship in-depth over at my writing side-blog, so don’t need to go into too much detail. I don’t think any explanation is needed here as to why Damon and Katherine are toxic. From the moment Katherine meets Damon she uses him for her own amusement, she sleeps with Damon and his brother at the same time without any regard for Damon’s feelings, controls every aspect of their relationship to suit her, fakes her death and lets Damon think she’s dead for over a century, continually plays with Damon’s feelings to get the reaction she wants, is continually dismissive of his love for her and rubs the fact that she loves Stefan in Damon’s face. And that’s just the aspects of their relationship that are toxic from Katherine’s side. Damon’s love for Katherine is so consuming that he goes to terrible lengths to be with her and when she rejects him resorts to violence and cruelty.

But again, the reason I’m able to ship them is because Damon and Katherine opearate on a level playing field. At the start of their relationship when Damon is human, Katherine definitley has an upper hand, but later on it’s tit for tat. They both hurt and manipulate each other, and in fact, they almost thrive on it. It’s part of how they communicate and relate to one another. Over the years, their feelings for each other become so twisted that they can’t express their love in the correct way anymore. Most importantly, just like with Cook and Effy, the narrative never strays from what Damon and Katherine are. They’re not true love, they’re not good for each other, they’re not healthy or a love to aspire to have. They’re profoundly connected and have a dark, twisted and complex history which is underlined with love but that manifests itself in often awful ways.

Dexter and Debra (Dexter)

These two are by far the darkest and most controversial ship I’ve ever shipped. As adopted siblings, there’s an incestious nature to the relationship which immediately creates toxcity in their relationship, but as individuals Dexter and Debra are both really messed up. Dexter is a self-proclaimed psychopath and serial killer, and Debra endures a lot of trauma throughout the series which deeply impacts her. Dexter and Debra have such an unhealthy and co-dependent relationship, it’s actually kinda crazy. Dexter lies to Debra and keeps an entire aspect of himself and his life a secret, he kills for Debra, he fails to validate or understand her feelings for him and he emotionally blackmails her. Debra lies and compromises her entire identity and morals to protect Dexter’s secret of being a serial killer, she murders an innocent woman to protect him and harbours a wanted criminal for him. Dexter and Deb will quite literally do anything to protect each other, but the result is devastating. You only have to watch Deb in season 8 to see just how damaging and toxic her relationship with Dexter is to her. Dexter and her love for him quite literally destroys her.

So it begs the question how and why do I ship these two? Well, the answer is the same as always: because the narrative doesn’t portray them as anything other than exactly what they are. Their relationship and Deb’s feelings for Dexter are completely fucked up and we’re told and shown that repeatedly. They’re not romanticised in any way, if anything they’re written in a way that would make most fans and viewers despise their relationship, particularly the romantic aspect of it. The show is true to them as individual characters and the toxicity of their relationship is authentic and understandable. I’ve briefly spoke about this previously, but Dexter and Debra’s relationship is supposed to be completely messed up because it’s an extension of them. Dexter, in particular, is damaged beyond repair and destroys everything he touches. Debra is part of that. Likewise, her falling for him makes perfect sense in the context of what she endures. Deb is a naturally self-destructive and self-loathing person, and loving Dexter is the biggest act of self-destruction she could ever enter into. In my opinion, of all the dark ships I have, Dexter and Debra are the perfect example of it being done right. They’re so dark and they love each other so much, but every step of the way the toxicity of their relationship is acknowledged and explored properly.

Ben and Callum (Eastenders)

I love Ben and Callum so much, and as far as they’ve come in their relationship, I can’t help but see the toxicity of it. In the beginning, Callum was unsure of his sexuality, was extremely closeted and carried a lot of internalised homophobia and self-hatred. This impacted on his relationship with Ben who had struggled with the same issues and didn’t want to return to that sad, lonely and miserable place. Callum’s relationship with Whitney and inability to admit his feelings for Ben made Ben feel rejected, sidelined and frustrated. At the same time this was going on, Ben’s issues of being afraid to love and let someone in after his ex was murdered, meant that he was unable to be completely open to Callum. By the time Callum was ready to come out and embrace his feelings for Ben, Ben was scared and backed away from Callum. Since the two have entered into a relationship, there’s been so much hurt and so much back and fourth. Ben is so afraid of hurting Callum and bringing harm to him, that he constantly pushes him away. The issue is that whether they’re together or not, Callum and Ben get hurt simply by loving each other. When Ben breaks up with Callum or pushes him away, they’re both heartbroken and long to be together again. But when Ben and Callum are together, their differences causes issues, and Ben’s actions put Callum in awful positions. Callum’s been forced to keep an innocent man’s murder a secret (he wasn’t really dead, but Callum didn’t know that), and now Callum’s been kidnapped and beaten, his life threatened, because of Ben’s actions. Ben has gone to extremes to save Callum including holding a gun to his own dad’s head and threatening to pull the trigger.

Unlike the other ships I’ve already discussed, the reason I’m still able to ship Ben and Callum isn’t because the narrative acknowledges they’re toxic for each other. It does acknowledge it, but the main reason I’m able to ship them is because none of the hurt they bring to each other is ever intentional. The hurt that Callum caused Ben before they were together was something he couldn’t control. He couldn’t force himself to come out and break up with Whitney. He had to come to terms with it in his own time and come out when he was good and ready. Likewise, Ben never intentionally hurts Callum. He does everything he can to protect him. Sure, he makes mistakes in trying to protect him, but all he ever wants is the best for Callum. A lot like Cook and Effy, the toxicity of Ben and Callum’s relationship doesn’t come from their relationship itself, but them as individuals. More specifically, Ben. Ben’s lifestyle, choices and actions have a detrimental impact on him and everyone around him (the mother of his child was also kidnapped not too long ago), including Callum.

Henry/Anne (The Tudors)

These two are a weird pairing to analyse, since they’re technically a real-life historical couple, but I’ll obviously be discussing them purely from a fictional stand-point and how they’re portrayed on The Tudors.

Henry and Anne are toxic as hell. Their relationship develops because Anne’s father uses her as a pawn to seduce Henry for the benefit of his own political career. Henry is also married to Katherine when their romantic relationship develops, so there’s infidelity and lies involved. Henry pursues Anne and although she falls for him, she actually has little agency in the early days. She’s told to entertain Henry and play on his attraction to her by her father, and later on, she has to submit to Henry because he’s the King of England. As the King of England, Henry has more power than any person should ever have and his arrogance and self righteousnous means that he’s more than happy to play on his power and use it to his advantage, even where Anne is concerned.

In the early stages of their relationship, considering the type of person he is, Henry is reasonably generous and gentle when it comes to Anne. He respects her, he listens to her and she has a voice in the relationship to a greater extent than Katherine did. But the moment that Anne challenges him or speaks out of turn, he shuts her down and forecfully reminds her that he’s the one with the power. He tells her to shut up and endure like her betters before her and he threatens her by telling her he can bring her down as quickly as he raised her. When she miscarries, he makes her feel that she’s a failed as a wife, mother and queen. He makes her feel embarassed, ashamed, anxious and unloved; the exact opposite of how she should feel during such a traumatic and painful time. Things only get worse when he proceeds to cheat on her whilst she’s pregnant. And we all know how this relationship ends. There are a lot of toxic ships out there but very few who actually kill their significant other, so Henry and Anne take the top spot for that alone. 

The question arises again, why do I ship this? And it’s because a) they have amazing chemistry b) the ups and downs in the relationship are portrayed fantastically c) you visibly see the downfall of Anne as a result of her love for Henry. Anne is destroyed, both metaphorically and literally, by her relationship with Henry. None of the bad aspects of their relationships are ever masked or ignored, they’re laid bare, but we see that despite how bad they are for each other, they have a deeply intense and passionate love which neither of them can fight against.

So if you’ve read all of that, I guess I’d say that when it comes to dark/toxic ships, they don’t always work for me. I take them on their individual merit. Sometimes they work and other times they don’t. It all depends on how they’re written and portrayed, and how their relationship develops overtime

[fremulon]

fanfic author meme

@areyougonnabe tagged me and tumblr was RUDE and didn’t notify me but i saw anyway! thank you i love talking about myself

Author Name: curtaincall 

Fandoms you write for: currently Good Omens but previously Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Community with a brief detour into Buffy the Vampire Slayer (except the Buffy ones were all so bad that I deleted them) and a flirtation with Parks and Recreation

Where you post: Right now exclusively AO3 but I was on ff.net back in the day and there’s some stuff still up there, I believe.

Most popular one-shot: by hits? toreador, en garde, by a hair by kudos/comments? You’ve Got Kudos, by a landslide

Most popular multi-chapter story: let us sport us while we may

Favorite story you wrote: You’ve Got Kudos was incredibly fun to write and I’m quite proud of it...I love playing with format and I feel like I unlocked a new level of meta there

Story you were nervous to post: Actually also You’ve Got Kudos; I posted and went to bed and then laid there for like twenty minutes worried that the formatting was so confusing that no one would understand what was happening in the story

How do you choose your titles? I like using lines of poetry because I think they sound Classy and Intellectual but then I run up against the fact that my work is neither classy nor intellectual... All the titles I like the best are actually not quotes from anything, just phrases that refer to something that happens in the fic, so I should probably do more of those, huh?

Do you outline? Sometimes! For a multi-chapter story definitely, but some chapters might only have one or two lines of text for what happens in them, and I have a tendency to veer wildly off of the outline if the characters start going in a different direction. For one-shots not really, I have an idea of where it’s going in my head but I don’t generally feel the need to write it out

Complete: 18 works on AO3, there were some that used to be there and have been taken down though, not to mention the ones that were only ever on ff.net...

In progress: i’ve found a way has 2 chapters to go, and I’m also working on my story for the Good Omens Big Bang, which, I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to say about it but it takes place during a historical period beginning with R that Show!Crowley was not asleep for (unlike Book!Crowley), and contains lots of bicker-flirting

Coming soon/not started yet: If I have time before the holidays I kind of want to do a Hallmark Christmas Movie AU/spoof

Do you accept prompts? Sure! I don’t really get any these days and I can’t promise I’ll actually fill ‘em but feel free to send! (for Brooklyn Nine-Nine too, honestly)

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: the chapter of i’ve found a way that I’m working on at the moment contains The Sentence, you know, the one you spend the whole story working up to. So I’m pretty excited for that!

I’ll tag @dissatisfied-starlight @jessicafish and @imperiousheiress but, you know, only if y’all want to!

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, April 24

Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Buffy: Uh, you know, I meant to and then I just got really busy...

~~The Freshman~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Leisure (Angelus/Drusilla, E) by Anonymous

Win Conditions (Buffy/Angel, E) by Anonymous

Further Studies (Willow/Jenny, E) by NKI

A Silent, Solemn Goodbye (Willow, Spike, G) by ladyemma42

Maybe (Xander/Anya/Andrew, T) by ladyemma42

Witch's Rule (Willow/Buffy/Dawn, E) by Kasaix

you treat me like your boyfriend (and trust me like a very best friend) (Buffy/Cordelia, T) by sapphicsummers

He Stayed (Buffy/Spike, G) by enbywitch

Feel the Beat (Oz/Reader, PG) by english-professor-wraith

Episode 131 - Never Leave Me (G) by The Slayer Verses

[Chaptered Fiction]

The Church Girl, Chapter 1 (Tara/Buffy, G) by LadiesWhoLunch

I'm Only Your Darkness, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Faith, E) by BadBlood5138

Fall to Pieces, Chapter 4 (Spike/Drusilla, T) by LittleTayy

You Learn, Chapter 25 (Buffy/Spike, AO) by bramcrackers

Falling in Love, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Wonder and Ashes

Finding Her, Chapter 11 (Buffy/Spike, R) by scratchmeout

All Stay-Inny, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by SlayrGrl

Deadly Denial, Chapter 9 (Buffy/Spike, AO) by Jws1993

Unforgivable, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Jws1993

Consequences, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Jws1993

Bleeding Poetry, Chapter 22 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Dusty

Hooked on a Feeling, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by EllieRose101

Where the really wild things are, Chapter 34 (Ensemble, FR21) by cmdruhura

Hellmouth Jumper, Chapter 2 (Crossover with The Jumper books, FR13) by Traszgo

It Travels With Redheads, Chapter 6 (Crossover with The Chronicles of Amber, FR15) by Traszgo

A New Kind of Demon, Chapter 9 (Crossover with Supernatural, FR21) by DarkenedShadows

You Can't Fight Fate - But You Can Decipher Him, Chapter 56 (Crossover with Batman, FR13) by Hermionetobe

The Ring Talks, Chapter 16 (Buffy/Spike, 18+) by Myrabeth

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Buffy sketches by dust-hopes

Artwork:Bloodied up Spike by horror-vampire

Artwork:tiny Buffy with a tiny stake by gh0stlypup

Artwork:Spike by more-or-less-sane

Artwork:Buffy by more-or-less-sane

Artwork:HER by phsyc

Artwork:Werewolf Oz by weredemonz

Manip: Buffy and Spike, Day and Night by 147days

Manip: Luci by ZAND (Bangel) by layer-of-slayers

Manip Gifset: When She Was Bad by andremichaux

Manip: Buffy- The Archer by darcyolson

Manip Gifset: Cordelia quotes by neve-campbells

Artwork:Janas Art Stuff (sfw) by janas

Video: no salvation 🖤💀 buffy&faith by utkana light

Video: Willow Rosenberg || Magic In My Bones by moonheartx

Video: Buffy & Angel / Peace by darkswordfish7xx

Video: Buffy Summers - RIP to my youth by Faith Victoria

[Reviews & Recaps]

It's SOPHIE'S CHOICE over here - Buffy the Vampire Slayer Reaction - 4x19 - New Moon Rising by TheLexiCrowd

[Community Announcements]

New Buffy/Spike (Facebook) Group by aleababe

[Fandom Discussions]

Shadow Dawn meta by herinsectreflection

Anya and autism meta by gh0stlypup and fancyflautist

Buffy canon battle, kill, and supernatural encounter log by famicommander

What are the best BTVS podcasts? by Scopeburger

Anyone else want to see more Spike and Dru in Italy in the 50s? by The_ZombyWoof

Alternative professions for Wolfram&Hart. by AJ_Babe

Comic book availability in the UK by frannyzooey1

Honestly don't get how people can *hate* Wesley or act like he's this big villian for what happened to Connor. by multiple authors

Glory is such a great villain by multiple authors

The First by Crimedramagirl

You Have to Admire Faith Going to That Church… by fixatingonarewind

Xander was extremely selfish by multiple authors

Spike between season 5 finale(ish) and 6 up to episode 6 by PixelatedBoats and multiple authors

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Every episode ranked! (Part 4/5) via Cult of Whatever

PUBLICATION: WIllow Proves She'd Be a Better Slayer Than Buffy via ScreenRant

PUBLICATION: The Vampire Slayer #2 To Reveal Origin of Willow, the Vampire Slayer via Global Circulate

Join the editor team :)

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!