#ats 2.01

[buffster]

Judgement (ATS 2.01)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Host: You know what I'm talking about: in this city, you better learn to get along -- 'cause L.A.'s got it all, the glamour and the grit, the big breaks and the heartaches, the sweet young lovers and the nasty ugly hairy fiends that suck out your brain through your face -it's all part of the big wacky variety show we call Los Angeles. You never know what's coming next. And let's admit it, folks - isn't that why we love it?

I get the feeling I'm missing something in my Angel analysis by never having lived in or visited L.A. It seems like a show informed by and designed around the city in a way that's just going right over my head.

Our trio has grown confident in our absence. They're like a well-oiled machine, intent on their mission and refusing to be distracted. They even have an organized white board to track the progress of cases. But then we learn the reason for this intensity: Angel has been thinking about making it to the finish line. He's ready to be human.

Very on brand that part of his consideration is that he'll soon need a workout regimen.

Angel: You got your steam, your sauna, fresh towel . . . where's the down side?

Cordelia: You shower with a lot of men.

Angel: I'll always be a loner.

We then check in on Lindsey, who is becoming somewhat of a Faith figure to Angel's Buffy: does he want to be him, kill him, or fuck him? He's becoming obsessed with Darla because of her connection to Angel as well. It's clear they plan to use her to get to Angel, but this seems like a very similar scenario to when they sent Faith: there's just too much history and variables here for them to be sure of the outcome.

I'm enjoying Wesley's methodical, practical approach to his job. He really treats it like a vocation he wants to be successful at. He's been working on creating contacts in the demon world for them. And while I appreciate the broadening of the Buffyverse as we learn not all vampires/demons are bad, it does take away some of Angel's tortured soul alure when we learn of people like the Host. If there are creatures like Angel out there, why the lonely, cursed existence? Why didn't he stumble upon this community years ago? The implication is that he's dark and tortured because it's his nature, not his curse.

We're introduced to Caritas and The Host, who attempts to warn Angel he might be headed for a fall and offers to give him a read. Angel declines. He goes to find his demon.

I didn't love the scene where Angel accidentally kills Jo's protector. I just felt it could have been executed better. It felt a little unbelievable that she didn't shout, "Hey! Don't kill him. He's protecting me!" during the whole scuffle. Alas, she did not, and Angel is wracked with guilt over killing an ally in the fight against evil. It turns out the trio's intense focus on knocking out their list of demons so they can reach the finish line is having some unpleasant consequences. They didn't stop to focus on Cordy's vision and what it meant...they just attacked.

I'm happy to see Gunn again, although I could use a little less of this "he's a black man from the streets" being his whole personality. Feels racist. He finally formally meets Cordelia and Wesley.

Angel: I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, that someday I might become human . . . that light was so bright, I thought I was already out.

Cordelia: Yeah, we all got a little cocky, didn't we? It's gonna be a long while till you work your way out. But I know you well enough to know you will. And I'll be with you till you do.

I've watched Angel through all of once before now...we don't get to see what this child grows up to become, do we? Kind of a shame. I'm intrigued.

Angel is forced to sing 'Mandy' so he can save Jo. He admits he finds it kind of pretty.

Cordelia: That man will do anything to save a life.

Angel finds Jo (with the help of The Host) and has a fight to the death before The Tribunal to save her life. Interesting we're not going with the "animals don't like vampires" tradition here and Angel does just fine on the horse. Jo now has protection until the child comes of age.

Angel decides no more keeping score. They're focusing on one job at a time.

Faith: The road to redemption's a rocky path.

We check in on Faith at the very end as Angel visits her in prison. It's cool to see he's continuing to mentor her, and it appears she gets tested pretty often there. She's learning some self-control. I wish she'd gotten more of a role and less of the occasional cameo.

Character Notes:

Cordelia Chase: Alright, I'm too lazy to check. Didn't she draw incredible sketches for the Scooby gang? Why is Angel drawing the demon she saw for her? She's been watching a Noir festival on Bravo.

Faith Lehane: Prison food isn't that different from what she grew up on. She's finding comfort in the routine (possibly becoming institutionalized)

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Absolutely loving his sass with Dennis.

The Host: His bar is called Caritas, latin for 'Mercy'. No weapons or violence allowed.

[walpsource]

So like, a basic girl-power song. No, no, no, no, no, no, it is not a basic girl-power song. It is very specific. Done her homework. Just have a little read. So… "Jimmy ate my yoghurt. "Now he's putting it back in the fridge." Oh, no. My boss, Dr Saunders - Jimmy - he's always crossing my boundaries.

We Are Lady Parts 2.01 Villain Era

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, May 28

Anya: Piano! Xander: Because that's what we used to kill that big demon that one time!Xander: No wait, that-that was a rocket launcher. (turns to Anya) Ahn, what are you talking about? Anya: We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment.

~~Buffy Season 5 Episode #98: "Spiral"~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Come Home To Me (Buffy/Faith, G) by Resplendence_Of_Starlight

Void if ..... (Xander, M, Aladdin xover) by JadeWine

Cool Lips, Cold Stone (Buffy/Faith, T) by bitterxox

Mr. Snuggluffagus (Buffy, Willow, Xander, T) by JadeWine

Cigarettes are meant for two (Spike/Reader, unrated) by WhiteMonsterEnergy

Sunnydale Pawnshop (Xander, T, Evil Dead xover) by samsas

[Chaptered Fiction]

Unicorn Ch. 1 (Buffy/Angel, Buffy/SPike, T) by desicat

Happiest Place Ch. 1-8/8 COMPLETE (Angel/Cordelia, AtS Ensemble,) by julianblackthornspancakes

Where goes the Heart? CH. 1 () by skhwriter

Disease Ch. 3/4 (Buffy/Giles, E) by guin_ramble

Cultivating Chaos Ch. 17 (Ensemble, M) by BunnyQuill

The Boring Stuff: Halloween Ch. 2 (Buffy/Angel, M) by missfiggy

Broken Curses Ch 1-22/22 COMPLETE (Xander, Fanged Four, Same Lawson, E) by Ihatechoosinganame

Shadow Over Hellmouth Ch. 110/252 (Buffy/Tara, Ensemble, ) by Tuxedo_Mark

I hate the way Ch. 15 (Buffy/Giles , E) by DancingAngel0013

In the Company of Witches and Slayers: Ch. 49/200 (Willow/Tara, Ensemble, E) by VladimirHarkonnen (TheLightdancer)

In the Dark of the Night Ch. 11 (Buffy/Spike, M) by norik23

To the Skylark, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, M) by squiddz

See You Yesterday, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, M) by all choseny

Love Bites But So Do I, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, E) by CheekyKitten

Something Lingers, Chapter 25 (Buffy/Spike, E) by goodbyetoyou

Deliverance From Destiny, Chapter 15 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Ragini

The Watcher, Chapter 11 (Buffy/Spike, E) by In Mortal

Stranger in her Body, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Desicat

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Young Robin Wood () by aa-arttss

Artwork:Illustration for elysianholly‛s "The Writing on the Wall" () by isevery0nehereverystoned

Artwork:Tara () by testframboise-aqua

Playlist:A Playlist for Willow () by gothhobbithoe

Playlist:A Playlist for Buffy () by gothhobbithoe

Video: Buffy & Spike | Bad Idea Right? () by https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxRCqFji3tA

[Reviews & Recaps]

Real Me (BTVS 5.02) by buffster

Are You Now or Have You Ever Been (ATS 2.02) by buffster

Judgement (ATS 2.01) by buffster

PODCAST: ATS 216 - Epiphany by Another Buffy Podcast

PODCAST: Episode 29 - Enough with the Hecate! (Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered) by The Sunnydale Diaries

[Community Announcements]

Tuesday Prompt: Word of the Day by comment_fic

As a reminder, I have a Buffy/Giles discord server open to people 18 and up! by alexsrousseau

[Fandom Discussions]

hc abt the monks taking insp for dawn from willow? by pzyii

I’ve just realized what I actually find icky about Buffy and Angel. by reality-schmality

I just fucking hate how often the show paints Buffy as being in the wrong. by reality-schmality

You want to know why I love Spike so goddamn much? His redemption arc. by reality-schmality

I love Dawn and I love wondering how the early years might have been different with her involved. by reality-schmality

the fact of the matter is that buffy ends up isolated no matter what the scoobies do by greensaplinggrace

the most frustrating thing about the whole spike situation is that the scoobies act stupid as fucking hell about it. by greensaplinggrace

people in the btvs fandom will act like angel was buffy’s one eternal true best love and nothing else compares by greensaplinggrace

dawn summers, at 14, learned she wasnt originally human and that all of her memories were fake by leechjam

Still thinking about Buffy and Anne helping each other find themselves in Anne. by thechosenthree

ok so like. i watched the episode of buffy where the swim team turns into fish monsters alá chemicals in the steam room and. by girlboydotjpg

Having never been able to finish ats I just learned of this line angel without a soul says to Fred in season 4 of ats by raisedbythetv89

Sometime I get lost wondering if Buffy ever invited Faith to live with her and Joyce. by reality-schmality

coming back for the WIP game: tell me something about Coffeehouse AU that I don’t know by somekindofadeviant

Why do you think Cangel is forced? by thetopher

Cowboy Guy by Al_Bee

What is a line/scene where you realized buffy was an adult? by melaniemoth13

I finished it. by No-Cicada5474

Question about Anya, Buffy and Giles (Season 6 episode 6, All the Way) by technob8b222

At what moment did you feel the worst for Buffy? by InfiniteMehdiLove

Looking for fic by Looking for fic

Once more with FEELING! by billyylost

Favorite Tara Quote by Past-Throat-6788

Giles, Xander, Buffy and Willow by jogaforacont

What are some reasons you are happy that the Buffyverse was created decades ago by PristineSituation498

Buffy’s real name? by horoshev

Riley in episodes 1-3 of Season 5 by figinmyteeth

What's a minor "what if" that wouldn't have made much of a difference you would have liked? by GWPtheTrilogy1

Signature drinks of the Scoobies? by Sir_Poofs_Alot

Parallels between Jenny Calendar and Lilah Morgan’s deaths by Pumpkins217

Information that it's weird that the characters know? by foreseethefuture

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: This immersive 'Buffy' prom slays by The Bold Italic

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[mbsposts]

Saturday, June 24, 2023 Day 24 

End Mileage    32620  4:30 PM CDT

Start Mileage   32378  7:40 AM MDT 

             Miles       241

Breakfast           8.61 campground

Postcard            3.39

Postcard            2.01

Gas                  37.65

Camp               41.42

Supper           20.00

Postcard          4.24

Postcard          8.10

Total             125.42

After a rainy, stormy night I had pancakes, eggs, and bacon at the camp restaurant. Then on the road SD 44 east to Badlands National Park.  It was an easy drive and scenic. At the park’s visitor lodge and then at the Visitor Center I shopped.  Then began the park road west. Stopped at numerous overlooks. Took some walks to some secluded areas.  The ground was muddy and sticky, so my shoes were caked in mud.  After touring the park headed west to Wall, SD.  An interesting experience.  Next visited the three sites of the Minuteman National Historical site.  The silo (where the missile was pointed at you), the command center, and the Visitor Center.  Exhibits were basically explaining the cold war era.  Continued on I-90 east through a supercell storm.  The clouds were fast circling in front of me.  Got a campsite in Kennebec, SD. Ate supper at a local bar. Had a pizza. Then ended the day back at the campsite with picture editing and sending emails.  A good day.

[buffysummers]

Just a fun little Buffy/Angel detail that makes me go absolutely feral is that once Angel finds out about the Shanshu Prophecy, he is soon after seen wearing his claddagh ring in AtS 2.01, “Judgment.” We haven’t seen him wearing it since 2.22, “Becoming, Part Two.” He wears it with the heart pointing towards him, which means his heart belongs to somebody. They actually frame the shot on his hand first so that you notice he’s wearing it, before the camera moves to show him completely in frame.

And what makes this even better is that the last time Angel sees Buffy, she’s with Riley (4.20, “The Yoko Factor”). But he just knows that her heart still belongs to him. He knows she’d leave Riley for him in a second. And idk. I find that to be super neat 🤪

[oatflatwhite]

okay well now we need your intellectual ranking of buck’s looks over the seasons. a top 5. academic analysis included

OK YOU ASKED FOR IT *cracks knuckles*

so if we're doing an "intellectual ranking" we'll need categories right? i propose sorting buck's looks by:

hotness

softness

how much each specific scene makes me want to eat glass (because as hot or soft as he might be for me, personally, it truly comes down to context)

each rated out of five. and introducing a fourth bonus category called "is he wet y/n" (water/sweat/blood included!)

based on this infallible system i present to you: an intellectual ranking of buck’s looks over the seasons (my top five + honourable mentions)

5. texas buck (ls 2.03 hold the line)

i know we all talk about crossover eddie but can we discuss crossover buck? please? it is a known fact oliver stark looks good in orange/yellow and boy does he prove it here. the lafd bomber jacket is also a look. the 118 ATE in texas and cherry on top is buck’s confused puppy face when tk assumes he’s hitting on him.

hotness 5/5, softness 4/5, do i want to eat glass 2/5, is he wet y/n = 11

4. pilot buck (1.01 pilot)

when i say pilot buck i am talking about this specific scene. also the shirtless scene on the rooftop but mostly this scene. am i a lesbian? well, yeah, i’m pretty sure. am i barking directly at it? well, yeah, i’m pretty sure!

hotness 5/5, softness 4/5, do i want to eat glass 3/5, is he wet y/n = 12

3. gurney buck (4.06 jinx)

how oliver stark manages to look both sexy and endearing in a face mask is beyond me but here we are. the attraction in this look lies not only in the look itself but the idea of the look: buck, the tallest member of the 118 by quite a margin, laid out gazelle-limbs on the gurney. you can’t make this shit up. unless you’re the writer/director for jinx in which case i guess you did make this shit up. thank you for your service.

hotness 5/5, softness 5/5, do i want to eat glass 3/5, is he wet y/n = 13

2. "hey” buck (survivors 4.14)

this whole episode? a work of art. this specific scene? do i need to go on? no but i will: running through the hospital like heathcliff searching for kathy on the moors. the slow zoom on eddie (ana? quie literally moving out of the frame if i think about this too hard i become unhinged) then buck. the softness of the “hey”. the cosy jumper. the curls! THE CURLS! work of art etc. etc.

hotness 5/5, softness 5/5, do i want to eat glass 5/5, is he wet y/n = 15

and before we get to my #1, some honourable mentions:

sharknado buck (2.11 new beginnings)

is this ensemble groundbreaking? not really. do i prefer his hair messy and curly? yeah of course have you looked at my blog. does any of this even matter when he’s smiling so big and wide like this it breaks my heart open in two like i’ve cracked an egg???

balcony buck (5.04 home and away)

and a recent contender enters the ring! *hits bell* there is just something so erotic about staring at your best friend with a black eye you’re icing with an ice pack he probably made up for you while wearing your comfiest trackpants and hoodie and he tells you exactly what you need to hear because he knows you better than the back of his hand <3 once again context is everything but also i like to see my favourite boy a little squished. a little dented. all the better to love you my dear <3

fire marshal buck (3.04 triggers)

the shirt so snug over his biceps it’s almost ripping. the tie pin. the clipboard. oh yeah it’s all coming together.

backwards cap buck (4.06 jinx)

the frat boyism. the unparalleled dumbassery. no thoughts head empty. and like i know i KNOW the cap is simply a costume device to make him look younger with minimal effort but also if i close my eyes i do not see <3

bulletproof vest buck (2.01 under pressure / 4.14 survivors)

couldn’t find the gif for survivors but this is hot too. i know something else i’d like to see him strap on

AND FINALLY...

DRUMROLL...

1. “that’s what buck means to me” buck (4.05 buck begins)

(gif credit @mediagifs because i couldn’t find it in gif search and needed this specific moment)

where do i even start. the curls. the soot. the wry smile. the emotional turmoil of the episode ripping me open like i’m a can of tuna and it’s a can opener. objectively there is nothing special about this outfit it is literally just his turnout gear but there is a... how do you say... je ne sais quoi. yes he is my mentally unhealthy six foot two fictional best friend/boyfriend/son <3 keep walking <3

hotness 5/5, softness 5/5, do i want to eat glass 5/5,is he wet y/n = 15 + bonus 💦

thus concludes my academic analysis of buck’s best looks. please note these are subject to change at any given moment on any whim i please. also i now realise i said before s4 is not my favourite hair era yet most of these are s4 what can i say i’m untrustworthy <3

[llamakenma]

an “i don’t know you yet” fanfic

note: based on the song “i don’t know you yet” , since it’s kuroo’s birthday here’s a fanfic w/ him

summary: where y/n and kuroo are soulmates never meant to be

----------------------------------------------------------------

2.01 am

how can you miss someone 

you’ve never met

another glance at your wrist was all you had been doing repetitively for the past few seconds, the distinct swirl of the art, with certain splashes of dots here and there ; what possibly could this mark do that gave so much meaning to it.

yet it was the longing that drove you insane, it has always been like this. the particular longing that made you want to search for your “other half”, the want to know what it would feel like to complete the puzzle you had been born with, the curiosity that always ate you alive, the one that kept you up for more nights than you could count.

cause i need you now

but i don’t know you yet

it was at times like these when you think about what it would feel like to have someone that actually needed you, what it would be like to hear the words “i need you”, what it would be like to feel the warmth of the one you actually love. 

it was when you see people with their soulmates, it was when you have to pretend to be joyful when your friends found their soulmate, it was when you had to conceal your loneliness and be happy for them, it was when you try not to have green eyes despite wanting to know how they could possibly look at each other like they were each other’s whole life. those were the times when you longed to meet your mark, your other mark, your other half.

But i’ve only got half a heart

to give to you

nevertheless, the insecurities always kicked in when you pondered about meeting this person, what if they didn’t like you, what if you were not their type, what if you were not enough. 

it was always a continuous loop of worries and anxieties, for after all, you only had to hope that half of your heart was enough for them.

how can you miss someone

you’ve never seen

kuroo had never really cared about not meeting his soulmate yet. he knew he would meet you when the time was meant for it. he knew, oh he knew, that despite what he was trying to say, he longed to meet you, to hold you, to cherish you. 

he desired to see you on the stands during his matches, he craved to see you wrapped up in his jacket as you cheered for him. he yearned to spend his time with you, every passing second and every passing minute, he knew he wanted to be there beside you, holding your hand and make sure that you had everything you need.

Oh tell me are your eyes

brown, blue or green

he was desperate. desperate to know what you looked like. he was desperate to know every miniscule detail about you. despite his statement of liking girls with long hair, he knew he was just mocking yaku at that very moment- he knew he had no care for it- he knew he would not mind anything if it were about you. 

yet, he still longed, he longed to know the color of the eyes he was going to stare into first thing in the morning, the color of the eyes he would search for after every winning match, the color of the eyes he would come to love. was it too much for him to ask?

do you like it with sugar and cream

or do you take it straight oh just like me

what were your likes and dislikes? where did you live? when are you going to be in his arms? 

he had so much he wanted to know about you. it was like thirst for water. the more he grew tired of everything, the more he wanted to know about you. the more he wished to speak to you, to hear your voice and to simply just hold you tight when everything was going wrong for him. he wanted you to be there for him. 

but i’ve only got half a heart

to give to you

and i hope it enough

he wanted to lay under a sky filled with endless possibilities with you by his side, he wanted to be in an never drowning ocean with you, he wanted to give you all the best.

yet he knew, despite everything, he could only afford to give half a heart to give to you.

[safflowerseason]

veep rewatch 2.01

Season Two, Episode One - Midterms 

aka - The One With the Lipstick 

Dan mouthing the words to his own speech…I miss Writer! Dan.  

Look at that leather jacket Amy wears! She looks so cute! I wish we saw her wear it again. She spends the rest of the episode in this very chic but starkly black ensemble. I love Anna Chlumsky in neutral colors, but they rarely put her in all black. She’s wearing this necklace with a tiny turquoise jewel, and that’s the only real color she has.

“I want a Cartier fucking dildo!”

In the early seasons, both Selina and Mike nickname Amy frequently (Ame, Amers), but I don’t think Dan has started to call her Ames yet (something to look for with this rewatch). By the end of the series, he refers to her almost exclusively as Ames, which is definitely some kind of fuckery on the part of the writers and/or Reid Scott. 

Amy: He told my mom he felt worse the time he ate gay Jap raw fish-shit. Selina: Oh, Amy, that’s a great sign! Because that’s a very complex sentence.

God, Anna Chlumsky is such an amazing actress. My heart just squeezes whenever she talks about her dad in this episode. 

“Can you imagine how stressed he’d be if you walked in, like, what you are doing, isn’t time for you to be with the veep, it’s the freaking midterms and isn’t she going to take this opportunity to expand her role in the White House or you know, whatever he might say…but if you need to go Amy, you should go.” 

New set! Veep’s West Wing office…signs of an expanded scope for season two. 

“Catherine got giardia!” That tracks for Catherine. 

What a great introduction to Ben…hiding in the supply closet. “I’d like to be cryogenically suspended.” Tom James’s comment in the finale about how Ben would have always wanted to be in an induced coma is a callback to this. (sidenote: I bawled at that Ben/Selina scene in the hospital.) 

Would love to know how they cast Kevin Dunn and Gary Cole in their roles. 

I’m, like, ninety-five percent sure that the writers are “considering” if Selina and Kent have some kind of sexual/romantic tension to be mined narratively. Their early scenes have this very particular barbed hate-sex energy.

“Why would anyone want to eat you?” 

Dan is frightened of Sue, lol. Then again—all men are frightened of Sue. 

“Kent Davison is back. So, number one, what are we gonna to do about it? Number two, why am I telling you this news?”

��Let’s just wind back a sec…you think Kent Davison is a bad thing?” 

Jonah: Guys, we agreed to let the Matrix debate lie. Dan: Jesus, I can feel my virginity growing back in here.

Sophie’s hat is a hilarious fashion choice. Is it 1995? 

“When it comes to successful campaign visits, ma’am, you have a lead over POTUS of…0.9%.”

“You take your eyebrows and you get out!”

“Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan and I-could-give-a-fuck-istan.” 

It’s funny how “cold” Kent is portrayed here because he was willing to use Catherine politically…when S7 Selina wouldn’t even balk at someone saying Catherine looked like a ghoul and also insisted on dragging her newborn grandchild on a campaign.  

Selina’s over-the-top press look...so well done. 

“Smile with your eyes if you can. And your nose.” 

“Well there isn’t an economic Santa Claus, and don’t I wish that there were!”

[cinaed]

July 2018 Monthly Media

* = Rewatch/reread

Anime/Cartoons

Amanchu 2.01-2.12

Camp Camp 3.07-3.09

Free! 3.01-3.03

Red vs Blue 16.12-16.15

Star versus the Forces of Evil (Complete series)

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia 1.01-2.05

Books/Novellas

Unfit to Print by KJ Charles

My Mixed -Up Berry Blue Summer by Jennifer Gennari

A Gentleman Never Tells by Eloisa James

Jade City by Fonda Lee

I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer by Michelle McNamara

Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett*

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian

The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner*

The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner*

The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner*

Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner*

Thick as Thieves by Megan Whalen Turner*

Comics

Dumbing of Age (ongoing webcomic)

Oglaf (ongoing webcomic)

Stand Still, Stay Silent (ongoing webcomic)

The Stoop Gallants (ongoing webcomic)

Strong Female Protagonist (ongoing webcomic)

Wilde Life (ongoing webcomic)

Movies

Aliens Ate My Homework (2018)

Incredibles 2 (2018)

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

The Penumbra Podcast

Theater

Hamilton (Kennedy Center)  

Mamma Mia (Shenandoah University)

TV Shows/Web Series

12 Monkeys 1.01-3.10

Critical Role 2.25

The Exorcist 2.01-2.10

Trial & Error 2.01-2.04

[phoorn]

Fat Cunt, Reformed

In Britain some time ago there was an advert. Can’t remember what it was for. “Belly’s gonna get you, belly’s gonna get you.” I’m got. My tits are pretty good, frankly.

And so I’m on a diet. I’m taking this quite seriously. I’ve gone and looked up BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) and I’m measuring the weights of foods, figuring out their calorie content.

I wrote a program to help me (of course) called ccalc. Just a simple calorie calculator. You go, ccalc rice tatties "monster energy drink:500" and it tells you … wait a minute … – 438.00. The program reads from a file I’m compiling over time. Looks like this:

rice: 1.29 indomie: 5.0 tatties: .74 onions: 0.42 mushrooms: .22 spaghetti: 1.57 canned tomatoes: .17 bread: 2.66 peppers: .26 french fries: 2.74 ice cream: 2.01 broccoli: .34 coffee: .01 milk: .60 monster: .47 walls cheese and onion slice: 2.96 microwave korma: 1.48 egg korma: 1.64 quinoa bulgar wheat: .85 cous cous: 1.07 chia seeds: 4.47 eat natural bar: 4.76 sesame oil: 8.84 olive oil: 8.84 vegetable oil: 8.84 banana: 1.5 peanut butter: 5.88 almond milk: .5 blueberries: .83 girlfriend smoothie: .55

The numbers on the right are cals-per-1-gram. I’ve got them all from fatsecret.com, so if I’m wrong, blame them. Or my shoddy grasp of even the simplest mathematics.

Here’s some interesting things doing this has taught me.

Good god, shrooms1 have fuck-all calories in them. I love shrooms and could eat them all day. Seriously, there were about 150 grams of shrooms in the pack I ate today. That’s … uh, sec … 33.00 calories! What? How can that possibly be true? Maybe it’ll turn out to not be true. But I believe it. Shrooms live in the shade. What need do they have for calories?

Oils of all kinds are jam-packed with calories. Even a tablespoon of sesame oil is 120 cals. I’ve been using more and more oil as I march statelyly through my life. No more, I guess.

Energy drinks are really not that bad in terms of calories. Less than instant noodles. Of course, instant noodles fill you up. That is significant. And energy drinks are empty calories. I had an energy drink on the first day and got mad later ’cause I was hungry and had blown 1/10th (or so) of my calorie budget.

There’s more calories in one of my girlfriend’s so-healthy-they’re-gross green smoothies than there is in an energy drink. Yes, yes – “but they’ve got nutrients in them”. How many nutrients do you need? Am I in danger of scurvy? Are you?

Chips are … – no more chips. And when I say “chips” I mean the last bit of “fish and chips”.

Onions, broccoli – all vegetables except potatoes – are low-calorie.

Anyway, I’m having fun. Really. It’s nice to sort of manage your life. A bit like being a dictator, or an abusive spouse. The problem with being those things is people piss on your grave. But when your hated dictator dies … you’ll be dead, too!

I mean, of course, mundane, verynomagic ones (Vim joke).↩︎

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, November 12

Cordelia: Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project. Willow: It's a fruit. Cordelia: I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought back too many memories of Daryl. Willow: I found it! Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week. Cordelia: Of course I have learned to deal with my pain. Buffy: How was her neck? Willow: Fine, except for being broken.

~~Buffy Episode #14: "Some Assembly Required" ~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Beneath Me (Drusilla/Willow, T) by MadeInGold

TECH TERROR (Nerd Trio, ensemble, E) by KNZ1

Group Dates (Fred's Birthday Fic part 2) (AtS Ensemble, E) by Kittenwritings

A History, or How Fred was brought into it all (AtS Ensemble, E) by Kittenwritings

Last Resort (Spike, M) by veronyxk84

[Chaptered Fiction]

Lest This Bond Be Broken Ch. 11 (Buffy/Giles, M) by Dynapink

Love is a Child Ch. 3/3 (COMPLETE) (Buffy/Angel, T) by Greensword101

Greatest Love Story - Postlude CH. 19 (Angel/Spike, M) by FalseGinger

Opposite Attraction Ch. 1/6 (Angel/Spike, T) by MamaBewear

Painting Flowers Ch. 6 (Buffy/Angel, T) by crowncitydreams

The Bad Penny, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, E) by OffYourBird

True Love Won't Desert You, Chapter 2-3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by CheekyKitten

[Reviews & Recaps]

PODCAST: Episode 49 - Betrayals, Infomercials, and a Haiku Contest (Consequences) by The Sunnydale Diaries

PODCAST: ATS 305 - Fredless by Another Buffy Podcast

PODCAST: Season 3 by Sunnydale Diaries Podcast

[Community Announcements]

Tuesday Prompt: Necessities by [community profile] comment_fic

[Fandom Discussions]

I want to believe it was deliberate that Buffy and Angel’s relationship takes another step forward during an episode about older men taking advantage of high school girls by thornfield13713

Vampire power ranking by burrunjor

willow rosenberg on the witches road? by lilalphabetxboy

Can David ride? [2.01 Judgement] by Whisperlee

Sarah is QUEEN by perfectmoonwalker

Just watched “The Body” for the first time since my initial watch-through… by PotatoPancake420

Sharing The Bronze Purist Playlist by lueur-d-espoir

This Diva saying to Buffy ‘you must might make it dear, I can see you here for a long time’ by M_Partlett

Alternative Season 5 Finale by No_Introduction_4136

Choices by cascadingtundra

Is season 4 de funniest? by dacm1980

Why doesn't Angel... by WerdNerd88

Enough already! ("Beneath You") by fognotion

Innocent victim of the day by timmorris82

Theories as to why Buffy stops wearing her signature cross necklaces ? by Iroshka

Buying a hotel? by Unlucky-Morning5474

A missing scene in I Will Remember You? by WerdNerd88

What's your dumbest or most low stakes headcanon? by Reviewingremy

So uh… that just happened. | S2 E14 “Innocence” by The_Fullmetal_Titan

Cordelia and Connor Problematic ! by MDJokerQueen

Buffy Fan Milestone by JumpingJonquils

What are your thoughts on Angel Season 4? by AIaddinSane

Buffy's change that isn't talked about enough by themostbluejay

Rewatching On Bad Egg by STheUselessLesbian

Spikes soul and hair by No_Introduction_4136

If Angel hadn’t gotten his own show, what do you think the writers would’ve done with Bangel by unitedfan6191

What makes the difference between a vampire without a soul and one with one? by The_Fullmetal_Titan

I don't care what anybody says, I love Dawn Summers by cascadingtundra

Length of Mister Pointy and the blessed sword? by TheFanged4

Where does Angel live? by mmorrison92

What was the best bit involving invisibility? by InfiniteMehdiLove

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[jianhyuk]

2.01 baby steps

in which park minhyuk learns to dance again. 

(2.01) (2.02)

minhyuk could not be more elated to leave the practice room. he loved to dance, don’t get him wrong. the beat of the music moving his body to create art was his favorite thing to do, but sometimes it was too much. he had been dancing for six hours and the only thought on his mind was food- much like his friends who collapsed on the floor after the final dance. 

he patted the stomach of moonbin, whose black baseball cap covered his large eye. “c’mon, let’s get some dinner.” 

“instant ramen?” yoon sanha suggested, pushing himself off of the ground. 

and so the boys conquest for food began. 

“you’ve got to be kidding me!” moonbin nearly shouted at midnight, staring at the stack of ramen cups. only four. there were only four for the six boys circled around the last of their food. 

and so began the games. rock, paper, scissors was a popular way for the boys to decide who was going to do what. at the end of it all, moonbin was exclaiming again, rubbing his growling stomach as he followed rocky out of the building. 

“i haven’t ate for so long.” bin complained, playfully pushing minhyuk around on the sidewalk. 

“tell me about it.” minhyuk gave a soft grin as he stepped onto the street. across the street was a convenient store, that lived up to its name of being convenient. thank goodness it was across the street from the dorms, or the boys would be living off of rice crackers and seaweed packs. minhyuk laughed a little bit as bin continued to complain behind him.

“shit!” 

that’s all he could hear three seconds later. 

“minhyuk? hey, minhyuk! shit. open your eyes!” 

the boy’s eyes drifted off. he felt a hand cradle his head and the dial tones of the emergency number. 

[multiprises]

« Ok, when was the last time you slept slash ate slash apply deodorant ? »

Steel Bars and Stone Walls, Wynonna Earp, 2.01

[communicatehealth]

Evolution of Well-Being and Happiness After Increases in Consumption of Fruit and Vegetable.

Mujcic, R. & Oswald, A. (2016, August). Evolution of Well-Being and Happiness After Increases in Consumption of Fruit and Vegetable. American Journal of Public Health, (106)8, 1504-1510. DOI: 10.2105/AJPH.2016.303260.

This article exams whether peoples’ well-being and happiness increases after they increase their intake of fruits and vegetables with the goal of bettering the unhealthy diet Westerners’ have (p. 1504). If the public is informed of the short-term effects of increasing fruit and vegetable consumption, they may be more likely to do so, which could lead to a healthier lifestyle overall (p. 1504).

The authors used a longitudinal study, with food diaries from 12,389 Australians aged 15 to 93 from the years 2007 and 2009 (with a validity check from the years 2009 and 2013) via an in-person national survey given to roughly 14,000 Australians (p. 1504-1505). Participants were asked how many times per week they ate either fruit and how many times per week they ate vegetables (0 [never] to 7 days per week) as well as how many servings (guesstimated by being visually shown a serving size) they ate on the days they ate fruits or vegetables (p. 1505). The average Australian ate 3.84 servings (combined) each day, (SD= 2.01) with some eating zero servings per week (a none consumption category) (p. 1505). Total, roughly 85% of respondents ate less than 3 servings of fruit while 60% ate less than 3 servings of vegetables; very few, 1.83% and 7.75%, age more than 5 servings of fruit and vegetables each day, respectively (p. 1505). Demographics such as “household income, age, education, whether working, marital status, health, children, alcohol and food patterns, BMI, and exercise” were controlled for (p. 1506).

To measure well-being and happiness, participants were asked to (1) rate on a scale from 0 to 10 how satisfied they were, overall, with their life (with an average of 7.91, SD= 1.41); and (2) to indicate how much time in the past month they had “been a happy person��� with answers ranging from none of the time (1%; coded at 1), a little of the time (4.8%), some of the time (13.9%), “a good bit of the time” (19.5%), most of the time (51.9%) and all of the time (8.9%; coded at 6) – the participants averaged 4.43 out of 6 for the happiness scale (p. 1505).

The results showed that those who ate more fruits and vegetables were substantially happier (a statistically significant result) (p. 1506). The authors also checked their results against differing lengths/intensities of public health campaigns in the various states of Australia, as different states had differing health campaign time frames (p. 1508). Do to that, the authors found that, “some evidence that the Australian healthy-eating campaign may have improved people’s levels of life satisfaction and happiness, [but] [n]evertheless, it is not possible statistically to be certain of that conclusion,” (p. 1509).

One of the implications of this research, as the authors touch on, is that, “implications of fruit and vegetable consumption are estimated to be substantial and to operate within the space of 2 years— too quickly to be a reflection of the physical advantages of diet for outcomes such as cardiovascular disease,” (p. 1509) which means that public health campaigns could focus on the fast effects of changing one’s diet, instead of the longer-term effects, which may seem too far away to be real for some people.

[athleisure-aesthetic]

Workouts and Basketball

Ugh I’ve been so bad at tracking this week. So now I’m gonna try to do a recap. Lolz.

March 10 Friday we went out to dinner for Ani’s birthday and I didn’t work out because I came home early to hang out with people. The Nova game was on before we went, so we made some amazing spinach artichoke dip and proceeded to eat most of it out of stress bc that game was legitimately awful. We somehow pulled out the win even though Seton Hall totally deserved to win lol. But it’s ok because the dinner afterwards made everything better - they had alcoholic milkshakes, so essentially I died and went to heaven.

March 11 T slept over and bc she’s a freaking nut, she convinced us all to wake up super early before Erin’s and do a round of Speed 2.0 T25. Poor Mikey did it with no shoes and that’s easily the worst one on your feet and knees even if you have the CORRECT shoes. Woof he was a mess that day. We got to our pregame and left an hour later after chomping on mims and pannies (mimosas and pancakes) and jamming to Galway Girl. When we got to 30th, it was so freezing you couldn’t feel your face, so we tried to scurry from bar to bar to limit our outdoor exposure. We ended the day exhausted with Wendy’s and Wawa, which is really the proper way to conclude your day drinking. Thankfully the Nova game was much less painful to watch and we won the Big East Tournament 🙌🏼 bless.

March 12 Lazy Sundays are the best, but I had a benchmark run to do, so I got out there and fought off the cold at the pier. Fortunately it was a pretty day!  It was also Selection Sunday, aka the day everybody starts really loving college basketball even if they’ve never really watched.  Villanova came out on the very top for the first time ever, which is a pretty badass thing to do the year right after a championship.  Go.  Cats.

1.55 mi 9′48″ min / mi

March 13 Monday I left work a little early because of the impending doom of the Nor'easter on Tuesday, but I had a recovery run to do.  I finished again on the pier, and took a cool down jog around the block to get that pic of the waters before the storm.  My selfie is my face despite my boobs hurting because of how cold it was when I stopped running.  Woof indeed.  I like that I’m not tied to tracking every time I run though, because I ran back home as well without putting it on the Nike app.  #fit for the sake of being #fit.  But also because when I was walking back to the bridge, I got a snowflake in my eye and I was like oh, time to go back I guess.

2.01 mi (but like probably more) 9′27″ min / mi

March 14 Next to nothing to report.  I worked from home, made those beautiful pancakes, and gave up on work midday to beat Bioshock 2.  Spoiler, the first Bioshock has a better ending and better story.  I’m partial to that one, sorry.  I barely took 1,400 steps the whole day and did not leave the apartment.  It was a disgusting mess outside so.  I didn’t feel that bad about it.

March 15 I had a Nike Training Club workout on the way, so I brought my sneaks to work to do a workout in our gym.  Wore the black Nike Flex 2016s for the first time in a while, and when I did a bit of a warmup on the treadmill, I was like holy shit, now I understand why going to a running store to get fitted is actually super helpful.  Those shoes hurt my feet and did not support me whatsoever after wearing the Brooks’ for a few weeks.  Damn.  Shoes make all the difference.  Instead of focusing on cardio, I did some shoulder / arms work for a bit before getting into the NTC workout.  Unfortunately, my half marathon plan thought I needed a slow boring stretching workout, so that’s what was on the docket.  I finished barely sweating.  Blech.  Sometimes I hate working out in a gym because I feel like I’m wasting my time.  I need to find time efficient circuits so I don’t feel like I’m not getting enough done.  My arms looked big af and not in a good way, but I liked the shirt I was wearing so meh.  Progress pics amirite.

When I got home, Ani and I decided to make a post-it note bracket on our wall in our kitchen so we did that while I ate that beautiful salad.  Cats all the way, obviously.  And we really just love Northwestern’s story so we love them a lot too.

March 16 The madness begins!!  Clearly I was mostly preoccupied with games all day at work.  I even ran my longest run on the treadmill for the first time in a while (!) without headphones (!!!!) so I could flip between games on the tv. The first mile recently has sucked for me - sometimes my heels hurt, sometimes it’s my shins, sometimes it’s my ankles.  Yesterday it was my left shin and my right heel.  But then it goes away once I run for a little while longer.  Wtf.  I make sure to stretch all the things after each run, so what am I doing wrong?  I wonder if my form is wrong somehow.  Like I know I’m a heel-toe runner, which isn’t great, but like most people run that way and I’ve never had problems like this before when I like actually ran more so what is going on.  I know I should probably build up my leg strength and lose some weight to help the pressure, but like.  I do that by running and putting pressure on it.  SO.  Idk.  I pushed past what I was supposed to do and ran a 5K just because I was feeling it.  Endorphins were kicking in which was awesome, since I definitely felt like I could go for longer if there wasn’t a guy waiting for me to get off :/ that’s the other thing that sucks about gyms.  You gotta be like courteous and stuff.  Can’t wait for my goddamn gym in my building to be finished!!!!!  Even though they said it was supposed to be done when we moved in (October) and they just started working on it a few weeks ago (March).  Bye apartment building management.  You blow harder than Villanova in the first half yesterday.  Good thing we came out on top bc we’re a second half team and Jay must’ve screamed their ears off at halftime.

3.31 mi 9′30″ min /mi

This post was a clusterfuck.  Oh well.  I’m bored at work bc half my team isn’t here and basketball isn’t on yet.  Once again, go cats.

[rawinternets]

Star Wars Episode 7: A rediscovery.

I said before that Episode 1 / the prequels were the main impetus for this whole exercise. That is true, in a way. But it is only true in that I needed to see the prequels and the originals so I could compare my feelings about them with my Ep7 and Ep8 feelings.

If Ep7 and Ep8 didn’t exist, I doubt I would have undertaken this exercise. See, as I mentioned in the opening post, I had a suspicion that the new episodes were all the things many have criticized them for: derivative, overly commercial, written by committee. The magic of the originals has been lost, and we are left with simulacra.

It’s important that I come clean with a fact: I hate JJ Abrams. I think he’s a hack. He is fantastic at opening stories and god-awful at closing them. My hatred for JJ and his trademark approach began with the TV show Lost, where JJ opened an incredible number of fascinating storylines in the first 2 seasons, only to ad-lib the next four seasons to a highly unsatisfying ending. He re-made Star Trek by essentially cribbing from all the best Star Trek movies in the past, and I enjoyed that movie - while watching it, but not much upon reflection. For example, Young Cap’n Kirk is driving his father’s sexy car through the cornfields of Iowa - until he drives it over a ravine as big as the Grand Canyon. in the middle of Iowan corn fields. It’s a beautiful spectacle until you stop to think for a half second... wait, what? But by that time you’ve moved on to the next spectacle. 

Like eating a Big Mac, JJ Abrams tastes good in the moment and then you realize what you just ate is mostly soybean paste, flash-frozen low quality meat, spongy bread, rubber cheese, all buoyed by artificial aromas that trick your brain into thinking that this is delicious, but only in the moment. 

In short, a Big Mac is not good food, and JJ Abrams movies are not good movies. 

But I really wanted to give this movie another chance. I wanted to know - was Episode 7 the “one beer too many” on a big night out, the one that feels good in the moment, but you later regret? Turns you off the beer brand once and for all? Is Episode 7 the extra Halloween candy that you eat at 10:30pm that makes you nauseous, impels you to throw the whole bag out? Did I lose any love and hope for Star Wars because Episode 7 delivered too much of the same thing, a Disney-ified, Abrams-ified, unoriginal pastiche of a pastiche? 

The answer is “yes” and “no,” but mostly “yes.” This movie starts off amazingly - classic Abrams - but quickly loses its way, and tries to find it again by running into the same grooves we’ve already worn well over the past 7 Star Wars releases (in this respect, Rogue One gets the pass and Ep7 gets hurt because of my order). And while I was still eager to see Episode 8 (review to come), I was far less optimistic for the franchise, as I could see the blueprint for the future, and it is the same as the past. JJ Abrams is set to direct Episode 9, if you didn’t already know. 

But of course -- JJ Abrams filmmaking is perfectly attuned to this kind of review. Taking poll on my feelings in the moment is the best way to watch an Abrams movie. That way, I can’t think too deeply about the fact that we’ve seen this before - in copy or rhyme - in nearly every scene shot. So even though this movie grades out not great - I feel even less great about it the more I think about it. 

Onto the scores. 

Average score: 6.57 Standard deviation: 2.01

Scroll. 7. Wait, why is there a new empire and a new rebellion? Why doesn’t a new republic have the ability to amass more forces to defeat a fragmented group of Empire loyalists? Are we saying the Empire never fell? If so, what were we celebrating at the end of Ep6? (Movie moves too fast to have these thoughts in the moment... these come to you afterward). 

Jakku. 8. A cool star destroyer shot, Very cool stormtrooper visuals. BB8 is pretty cool. "This will begin to make things right." Poe is cool. Great and tangible feeling on the raid. Super scary. But wait... how did the First Order not scan for the X-wing? And Poe didn’t try to hide it? Even an awning or some covering would be fine. But still... good tension in the scene. Flametrooper! But wait... Another secret piece of info goes with a droid in the desert... mmmmmmm OK... Really like humanizing the stormtrooper, with a dramatic bloody handprint on (we later know is Finn’s) stormtrooper head. PTSD. And then comes Kylo Ren’s badass ship (that looks a lot like Darth Vader’s....).

Kylo Ren. 9. Kylo freezing the blaster bolt is superdope. I can forgive his Darth Vader wannabe character mask. I'm fine with the subtle "you talk first? I talk first?" joke by Poe. Fine to make fun of the mask as well. FUCK Captain Phasma - I immediately have distaste for this character. Finn’s Stormtrooper regret @ the massacre is cool. I like that.

Finn’s break. 7. Finn taking his mask off - a really powerful first shot. Captain Phasma is worthless. Did you know that this character was created because someone made concept art of a chrome stormtrooper for fun, Kathleen Kennedy walked into someone’s office and saw it and said “that has to be in the movie, it looks so cool,” and then they decided it should be a woman soldier for marketing purposes? What I’m trying to say is, the storytelling process was not the purest here. Phasma is exhibit A. 

Rey intro. 9.  JJ at his best: Really cool atmospherics on Jakku. Amazing wide shots of the empty destroyer bay. Rey is hot. Amazing shots. Huge scale of the desert and the downed star destroyer. Speeder... fine. Tie fighter wing down. amazing speeder shot with another downed destroyer. Fine with the stupid bird. (But... we have another mysterious sorta-poor desert dwelling force-sensitive hero?)

Trading. 9. Pretty beautiful shots (although borrowing heavily from Ep4?). Fine with the trading. I like the weirdo aspect of this girl idolizing the rebels and meticulously counting days. making a cool bread loaf thing. Lives in an ATAT, that's awesome too. Wearing silly rebel hat.

BB8 meets Rey. 8. Sorta bad dialogue (and “classified droid” of course). Nice desert shots.

Torture of Poe. 8. The mind reading is intense. Hux is fine. (But haven’t we seen a main character get tortured by Darth / Kylo before?)

Trading Part 2. 8. Why doesn’t Rey take the money for the droid? She’s so pure and perfect? Serendipity? 

Finn Rescues Poe. 7.  Wait... why? I guess Finn heard a good pilot is on board and he wants out. I don't love Finn’s heavy breathing. (Have you seen this? In bad action movies or even good ones, the actors are constantly hyperventilating to amp up the tension. I’m seeing it even in Harry Potter, particularly with Ron. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it ... like the Wilhelm Scream). The dialogue is fine but not great between the two, trying to get the vibe together. Tie fighter leaving the hangar bay... Kind of like that. Turrets on the outside of Star Destroyers never hit anyone... why do they exist? One tie fighter can escape a star destroyer!? Why do THEY exist? 

They crash. 8.  Fighter gonna crash. Hux is fine. Phasma is fine. Kind of a cool shot on the Tie fighter crash. I like the wide desert shots. Tie fighter sinking is cool. Finn stripping is humanizing. Desert shots are great here. (But we’re again following some crashed droids/people on a desert planet?)

Kylo and Hux bicker. 8.  What's with the bickering? But they do a good job. Kind of harkens back to Tarkin and Darth (too much similarity?)

Finn meets Rey. 7.  I like the monster kicking him out of the way from drinking the water at the watering hole. This is the point in the movie where I started to think - Rey is a Mary Sue? BB8 shocking Finn is fine. Finn laying it on a little thick with the humor.

Escape in the Falcon. 8.  Stop taking my hand! Meh. The Falcon! “That one’s garbage! ... The garbage will do.” Fine, pretty good. Cool shot of the Falcon escaping. BB8 in free fall in the Falcon is fine. "I'm getting pretty good at this" says Finn. You got one Tie fighter, dude. (The longer this goes the more this feels like old sequences from Ep4...) Going inside the destroyer is cool (and then feels like being in the Death Star in ep6...). The shut-engines-off-flip-downwards-and-shoot was a cool move, and some good shots in that sequence. 

Kylo temper tantrum. 8. I like this part. It's petty and stupid, but it's a good contrast to the control of Vader.

Falcon and Han/Chewy. 7. Finn says “Droid please” (eye roll). BB8 gives a flame/lighter “Thumbs up.” Meh. Rey is a Mary Sue perfect mechanic... Finn being into her is a little meh. Tractor beam is meh. Han and Chewy discover them, meh fine but how the fuck did they just so happen to be there? They explain away that Han and Chewy just happen to be right where the Falcon is, moments after it flies for the first time after sitting on Jakku for years. Classic JJ. Pretty blatant sentimentality by Han that I'm not really getting drawn into. Luke Skywalker map. All this said, Harrison Ford is good as always.

Rathtars. 7.  Death gang, Mantoon, Rathtar... meh. How did the second gang get on without him knowing? Fine with this I guess. Sad that Han is a sad old man hauling freight and swindling people. 7 movies and nothing changed. Rathtar monster is fine. (A little like Indiana Jones with large ball-like thing rolling down a hallway-like thing). Not huge on this chase sequence. Another alien tentacle monster dragging hero somewhere without eating hero. (Where have I seen this before?)

Snoke. 6.  This is where I really start turning on the movie as it relies more and more on worn tropes. Another massive hologram... who the fuck is this guy? Another... weapon? This speech sucks by Hux. Who is this ultra powerful force sensitive villain? Kylo Ren is Han Solo's kid... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeh. Where did this new emperor come from? Is he a Sith? What the fuck is all this.

Rey and Solo fly. 7.  Comedic + Mary Sue Mechanic is meh. Lots of references to old Star Wars here. Luke is running away? Why? (Is JJ opening mysteries that won't be closed?) Rey saying “I didn’t realize a planet could be this green” is a nice touch.

Han offers Rey a job. 7.  Why is Rey so attached to Jakku and her parents who have been gone for so long? Meh.

Maz Kanata's. 5.  Cantina 2... I really expected to like it better than I did, and I didn’t expect to like it that well. Really shitty music. So derivative as a scene. Relationshp advice with Leia? mmmmmmmeh. Empire again. Mmmmmmeh. Finn is a runner. Meh. Maz is a New Yoda, sorta. Meh. What's the point of Maz climbing on the table to look at Finn?

Kylo has feelings. 8. Crushed Darth Vader helmet is pretty cool. Have you seen the “Emo Kylo Ren” twitter? Worth it. 

Finn tries to run. 7.  This storyline is fine... Finn's a coward. He's in love with Rey for "looking at me" meh. They aren't so much conversing as just saying sentences at each other. Do they even know each other? it doesn't feel like a solid connection. (Kind of like another heterogeneous faux-mance of yore?)

Rey finds Luke's lightsaber. 8. I wrote: “At least it was a pretty interesting vision. Captivating. Lightsaber calls to her! interesting. Nobody waiting for you in Jakku. She runs away... interesting, OK, good.”

Starkiller. 1. Wait... the new base is a planet. It's a third fucking death star. Hux makes a shitty Nazi speech. What the flying fuck is this shit. Are we in the same system here? How did they build this weapon so easily when the Empire collapsed? How come people can see the weapon destroying the entire planetary system? What the shit. Fuck that. It looked cool at least, but this is a fatal and inexcusable flaw in this film.

BB8 Macguffin. 4. Sick of BB8 as the macguffin too, now. Rey wants to run, fine.

First order attacks Maz's. 2.  Meh. Give lightsaber to the team. How is the First Order here? Is everything in the galaxy really fucking close to each other? What is going on? Kylo is here too? And now Finn is going use a lightsaber. And Han can shoot without looking. And there's a TR8R droid with a like handheld weapon that fights lightsabers? And this novice can use the lightsaber and not die? And Han saves him and then gets captured? Big bowl of Nope. 

Resistance saves the day... 6. Why are these guys here? for the droid, sure, I guess. Everyone's looking for Luke. I'm sick of this battle already. Nice tracking shot of Poe I guess but sorta meh. Maybe I’m still hung over from the Starkiller reveal. 

Kylo meets Rey. 8. Force freezing Rey in place is cool enough. Kylo with Rey is good. Han watches her get kidnapped. Finn gets balls.

Han sees Leia. 6. I'm supposed to be sentimental about this but it's just sad. C3PO still sucking, all these years later.

Rebel base. 7.  Finn’s Reunion with Poe Dameron... fine. In the rebel base, fine. Leia is... fine. Old woman. Still fighting. Sad. What a treadmill this saga has been for her and for everyone. Map is partially complete, meh. R2 nostalgia. Meh.

Leia and Han. 7. Is this good? I can't tell if it's good. It's fine. Snoke seduced our son. Mmmmmmmeeeeehhhh. Still good in the kid! Good vs evil hooray! Turn the evil man good! (Where have we heard all this before?) 

Rey and Kylo battle of wills. 9. Kylo takes off his mask. Good drama and reveal. Rey is attracted to him. Good, interesting, sort of sexually charged energy and tension here. Really well done scene - particularly well acted. 

Snoke angry. 6. I wrote: “Just meh. Fuck Snoke.”   

Rey mind trick. 8.  Sure, I like it, she's organically discovering the force. Preternatural. Fine, OK with that. I like the stormtroopers walking away from Kylo’s temper tantrum.

The starkiller base again? 1.  Charging the weapon from nearby sun... just... pure spectacle. "It's another death star" says Han/Leia. No shit. Power of the sun... MMMMMMmeeeeeeeehhhhh. So unoriginal. "There's always a way to blow it up" says Han. Thermal oscillator.... mmmmmmm. Disable the shields (just like Ep6). Gotta be there on the planet! Of course, as always! (Let's attack another fucking Death Star the same fuckin' way as before - with a bombing run and a sneaky secret force on the ground).

Han and Leia bye. 6.  Meh, is how I feel.

Han et al assault base. 3. Meeehehhhhhhhhhhhhh let's land at light speed Hollywood style! The ship hangs off a ledge, duh! "That's not how the force works" meh. Yeah that's fine, but what a stupid plan. 15 minutes until death! of course! Phasma walking around by herself of course! Finn in charge! Meh. Not loving Finn. Rey sneaking around. Meh. Not a big fan of Boyega's over-acting comedic. "Yeah there is a trash compactor” meeeehhhh. More comedic tensiony stuff. Too much fan service, too much hokey. 

Another death star assault. 3.  It's pretty, but stupid. C3PO "it would take a miracle to save us now" meehhhhh. 

Kylo kills Han. 5.  Emotionally pretty sterile feeling. I’m just not there with them. And another infinite column for Han to fall down (like the Emperor, Darth Maul, Luke in ep5...) And everyone there to dramatically watch... just... meh.  Snoke... boo. This dialogue is just kinda shitty. "You know it's true. search your feelings." Adam driver does very well in this scene with Rey. He's really great. John Boyega sucking... overdramatic. No connection to Leia here as she feels Han’s death. Just don’t care. 

Kylo vs Rey and Finn. 7. Kylo is pretty badass. Amateur lightsaber fight: not a big fan. Pretty small fan, actually. Rey is badass but still amateur. Another ledge to hang off! Still, the fight is pretty cool. Snow steaming is cool after the lightsaber slices through. And even, a whole other ledge, a chasm in fact! Meh fine.

Trench run two. 6.  Another trench run. Poe flying inside = another DS2 core reactor shot.

Starkiller blows up. 6.  Snoke really sucks. Here comes the Falcon to save the day of course! In your darkest hour. Pretty shot. Pretty Death Star 3 explosion (and another death star blows up again...)

Celebration. 5. Dramatic Leia blows by Chewy and hugs Rey, but they never met. 

R2 wakes up. 6. C3po *still* sucks. Why is his arm red again? The part of the galaxy that has the map that is unknown and uncharted is right in the middle of the damn galaxy??

Rey goes to Luke. 9.  Beautiful scenery (Skellig Michael in Ireland). Dramatic. There's Luke! OK I like this scene. This is good. Super dramatic and memorable and iconic. At least the movie ended on a strong note. 

VERDICT

Is there anything else to say? The plot hangs together like a disintegrating, snotty piece of tissue paper. Everything is a crib of something else in the SW universe. The visuals are pretty and the beginning is fire, and most of the rest is obnoxious. Kylo and Rey are actor highlights, to be sure... but Leia is wooden and virtually inaccessible, Han is on autopilot, Finn is trying too hard, and Poe is fine (but not captivating to me). This movie really lost me and even though the numbers went up and down after ~Maz, my feelings were pretty low for the last 2/3 of the journey. Five “9″ scenes - mostly at the beginning or the end - and a fair amount of 7/8′s but also a lot of bad scores. A score of every number, except 10. A movie that scores better than it maybe should have, and it didn’t score all that well in the end. 

REVIEW LINKS:

Introduction: Star Wars, a rediscovery.

Rogue One: 6.92 / 10.00 (stdev 2.06).

Episode 4: A New Hope. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.34).

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.29).

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. 5.00 / 10.00 (stdev 2.08). But probably worse than that, actually.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. 5.48 / 10.00 (stdev 2.07).

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. 7.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.77).

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi. 7.90 / 10.00 (stdev 1.91).

Episode 7: The Force Awakens. 6.57 / 10.00 (stdev 2.01).

Episode 8: The Last Jedi. 6.31 / 10.00 (stdev 1.89).

Verdict: Star Wars, A rediscovery.