#there's more i could put here but tbh after formatting the chats i am too tired

[mobliterated]

It was supposed to be a regular urban exploration stream into the abandoned FentonWorks. Instead, Sam and Tucker find out exactly how the Fenton family disappeared, and it's all caught on camera. The Ghost Zone is not meant for Living inhabitants, and the doors are shut to any sort of escape. Time is ticking as FentonWorks is suddenly swarmed with government officials, with Casper High students trying to solve how to bring them back, and a mysterious benefactor helping from behind the scenes to keep the old building standing.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[elegant-etienne]

3. [I] trusted [you]

Send me a number to receive a micro story!

Thank you for the ask, @maybeimawhale​!

(This song is what always comes to mind when I see the word ‘Trusted.’ And I think a lot about how I used to relate to this song, in the wake of a really bad break-up, but now that I’m older, I have to wonder if the narrator of the song is being at all reasonable. I also find it helpful, when revisiting subjects I’ve written before, to twist around the perspective a bit, and give myself permission, without naming the character in this piece, to treat Etienne’s ex-husband as a NPC, and admit to myself a lot of my own character’s faults from the outside.)

BEHIND THE CUT: Descriptions of a toxic marriage, substance abuse and addiction, suicidal ideation and an attempt, allusions to past abuse and PTSD, and very inaccurate TBH but this is more or less how I remember it going down descriptors of someone having a “split personality,” and some light misgendering of Etienne (they ID’ed as male when they met their ex-husband, and at the time of their wedding).

Also I am sorry for any errors, I can’t go back and fix them after the initial post or it’ll break the formatting on the post.

insp. Ben Folds - Trusted

It's funny I know But I'm disappointed in you I thought you could read my mind

Your husband - your spouse Etienne is doing better after the time away. Actually, the time when they was sleeping in the recovery wing - three sennights - is among the best you two have had. A few hours of visitation, and they're affectionate and loving and missing you. Even a rare smile, and they show you where the stitches came out. A bell or two isn't enough time to get worked into a fervor about things and restart the same fights you've been having for moons.

When they return, Etienne has warmth in their cheeks again. They're gaining weight again. They don't smile, but they've always been quiet about that sort of thing. They've missed you. They've missed you so much. They look more like they did on your wedding day, that reserved, understated glow. They look like the Etienne you married.

(In those moments when you thought you could still be one person successfully. In those moments when they thought they'd killed the other you. In those moments when they stood at you at the altar, teary-eyed but happy, so happy.)

"Welcome home, Etie," you say with your brightest grin.

"I'll be better this time. I promise. I'll never do that again."

You laugh and embrace. You're both so relieved.

But I came home early And saw that a drawer'd been opened Looks like you've been reading my diary instead

After a long shift in Medica, all you want to do is come home and take a bath. Etienne seems to have other ideas, however. They're seated at the desk. They're glaring at you. They hold up your notebook - the one with all the reports.

"So this is what you've been doing at night while I'm gone? Forbidden research and magic? I thought we talked about this! It's too dangerous, after the last time. What if it goes too far?"

"There was no one else who could do it. It had to be me." You've never raised your voice to Etienne. Not once. Sometimes, you've cried while you're fighting. Etienne has shouted before. Twice. It frightened you.

(They wanted to kill the other half of you.)

"What if something had happened to you while I was in care? I wouldn't have known where you were. And what if there had been an emergency at the FC? Folk need you. I need you. And you promised..." Etienne bows their head, sucking in sharp breaths to try and stop the crying.

"You have no business going through my notes. There could have been patient information in there!"

"...You were acting strangely. You were hurt. You weren't telling me things. You broke your promise." The tears have been withdrawn, all that's left is dead, blank sullenness from Etienne.

"I had no other choice."

"Did you even try to stop and think of one?"

"There wasn't time. Percy and--"

"Percy?!" There it is, the raised voice, a burst of life, a flame in their eyes. "I knew it. I knew he and you--"

"It was work--"

"--Have something going on, you told me it was nothing, you told me you weren't seeing him when I wasn't around-- While I was in the bloody hospital from trying to kill myself because I can't stand this, and you wouldn't leave me alone, you wouldn't just give me the space, and now the moment you have you're running around--" Etienne always gets like this. A million words a moment. Each a pointed attack, an accusation. When Etienne gets this way, you can't do anything right.

"--It's only work--!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back. Maybe Rosa was right, it's too soon, we're not ready." Etienne straights their posture, scrubbing at their eyes with the heels of their hands. "I drew you a bath. I'm going to bed."

How does it feel to realize You're all alone behind your eyes?

The bath is strewn with rose petals, the candles burned down hours ago. It's dark and cool in the bedroom off the heat of the bath. Your spouse is bunched up in one corner of the bed. "I love you, you know," you speak to the dark. To Etienne's back.

"I love you too," Etienne says, but doesn't turn around. “...Be honest. Did you fuck him?”

“No, it’s not like that. He found this... it was like a cursed circus, full of twisted creatures, he needed cleansing spells, he was able to show me ways to amplify my power...”

(He knows about the other you.)

"It's alright if you did," Etienne says, malms away in the same bed. Did they even hear your explanation? "If you want to, just tell me. We can figure out an arrangement, a lot of married couples do, just don't lie to me. Don't lie."

"It's not like that."

It seems to me if you can't trust You can't be trusted

You wait to hear the soft wheeze of Etienne's snores, but you drift off before they do. Somehow. In the middle of the night, it's a repeat of others. This hasn't changed with the time in care ward, apparently. Etienne sits up and starts screaming, won't be held, won't be comforted. 3AM in the morning and your spouse is in the corner, knees to chest, rocking. They start rooting around, too, when you pretend to sleep. They won't find anything. You poured all the liquor out sennights ago -- even the things in the back of the icebox and at the top of the bookshelf.

Caught in a dream Picking up astral signals Some of them psychic, you better watch what you think

You come home to Etienne sitting in front of their vanity. You see the shimmer of a deactivated glamour prism. There are tears in their eyes, but you don't know why. They slip the plate into a drawer somewhere, and you do not ask more about it.

"I got more of the sedative. To help you with sleeping. So you don't have to drink." It's never difficult to cadge a little bit of medicine on the side for loved ones when it's needed - such are the benefits of being one of the heads of Medica. No one has to ask any questions. Etienne doesn't have to get upset or embarrassed at exposing their problems to anyone they don't trust. Rosa doesn't have to put her foot down and force Etienne to stay in the care ward, away from you. It's win-win.

Something flits across Etienne's face - suspicion, mayhap, and they say-- "I'm going to try and handle it. I'm. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to keep giving me that stuff."

"The sedative's non-habit-forming. It's better than alcohol, at least."

"I still shouldn't turn to something every time I'm distressed. It scares me. Depending on that."

"Then at least talk to me about what's bothering you."

Etienne looks at you through the mirror, not turning around. "It's not anything distinct. It's. Hands. Being pulled down into darkness. Being pinned down. Being unable to escape. Sometimes it's so real I feel it, getting slammed into a wall or onto the icy ground... and no matter how I struggle, I can't get free. So I start screaming."

"Etie..."

"Well, whatever. Everyone's got their shite." You hate this. How they mutter and retreat into themselves. They fold up into themselves and they don't come back.

(Your nightmares are of fire, of the Calamity. Lost in the woods, mother and father are gone, you can't find your brother's hand--)

Etienne shuffles resentfully into the silence. "Are you willing to tell me what you did on that mission?"

"Are you promising not to get angry when I tell you the  details?"

Etienne lifts their chin. "I'll decide that when you tell me."

(You tell them. You don't tell them all of it. You don't tell them he's back.)

Happens to be that everybody else's dreams are Freudian clues You better watch what you dream

A few suns later, Etienne makes breakfast for you. That pink ruffly apron, but there's no singing this morning: just the sizzling pan. "Do you remember anything at all about last night?" they ask, plating up the little fish with fresh, fluffy rice. They loved that Doman cooking book you got them.

"Um..."

Etienne pours you scalding hot green tea. "I went looking for you. I gave that friend of yours quite a scare. I think maybe he thought I'd burn him alive." Etienne snorts. "I just made his tea boil a bit. When he told me the truth of what you two have been up to."

"Why would you--"

"Then I found you in the Quicksand. Chatting up someone else. Are you cheating on us both, darling?"

Your head's spinning as you try to braid the threads of last night back together. "That wasn't me--"

"No, it wasn't. I brought him back here. He was as awful to me as ever." Etienne accuses with swordlike jabs. "If he's back," they say, "Why did we do any of it? The ritual? I almost lost you then! Why did you make me do any of that if he was just going to come back?"

(Your head hurts.)

"You shouldn't have gone through my things," you hiss out. "There are things that you are better off not knowing!"

"Oh, like the fact you and that boy have a magical connection? Unlike anything either of you has ever experienced? And how you - the other you - is the most brilliant mind he's ever known? It's just like I said. Remember that? You said nothing was happening, but he's totally in love with you."

"It isn't like that."

"Tell that to him, then."

(Etienne never listens.)

"Even if there's something going on - it - it isn't with me and him, it's--"

"The other one. I know. The other one who threatened to kill me."

"He was just testing you."

"And that makes it better?"

"He's lashing out because you tried to destroy him."

"He started it. You said the ritual would fix you," Etienne rasps out a whisper. "I can't believe this. I can't believe we did all that and... I'm dragging someone wearing the body of my husband out of a seedy tavern. I looked like such a fool. I thought we fixed this."

"Maybe," you feel your voice dropping to a growl, "I never needed to be fixed."

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(Last winter, you came out of a fog to Etienne staring at you, withdrawn into a calmly blank expression, their posture stiff.

"Why," they ask you, "Did you just threaten to murder me?"

You said, groggily, "What?"

And you explained it all. The splitting.

"How am I supposed to feel safe around you when there's - there's something inside you that wants to kill me?" Etienne asks, too steadily. "He knows everything about me that I've told you. He knows what I'm afraid of. This is a problem." They say, and they speak your name urgently.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, if - if he did."

"Oh, I wasn't scared," Etienne says, quietly and intensely. "I'm used to being around men who'd just as soon slit my throat as fuck me. Or one and then the other, with no particular preference of the order. I just didn't realize you were one of them.")

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

Here is one of the fights you've had more than once: your friend thought of a way to get rid of the other personality. Put him into another body.

"So we'd just take the body of someone who - what? Even if you found a willing subject, that would be killing someone." Etienne pulls their knees up to their chest, the water rippling. You're sitting at the edge of the bath. They seem to want to melt into the steam wafting off the surface. It makes them dewy. You're not sure if they're crying or not.

"No," you tell them, "We could put him into another body where the spirit had already returned to the Lifestream."

"That's necromancy. I won't do necromancy."

"We may have no other option."

"If you mess with corpses, you really won't have control over what ends up in there. You could be inviting something very, very bad in. You know that, don't you? What you're talking about is defiling the dead. It's a sin. It's a defiance of Nald'Thal's balance. It's a perversion of everything I believe. You know that. You shouldn't do it. Don't ask me to do it!"

"What if we have no other choice?"

Etienne stands up in the water, then, thinking to get out. They shout, "I can't do it! Don't ask me!" Their voice echoes and buzzes in the small space of the bath. The water ripples as they sink back down into it. They let the water bury them like a comfort blanket. "I'm - I'm sorry. Please just go away," they say in a tiny voice. "Let me think."

"I'll be outside."

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

In the end, what else could you do? Etienne didn't trust you to handle the situation. Etienne wouldn't participate in the most obviously effective ritual. Etienne was angry at you when the first attempt didn't work as planned. Etienne was an unstable, suicidal, dangerously alcoholic. It hadn't taken much time at all after the hospitalization for them to fall back on old ways.

They couldn't be trusted.

On the day you left to do it, you kissed their forehead, tucked the blankets all around them, and put strong wards on the doors after emptying another round of hidden bottles.

The sun's coming up She's pulled all the blankets over Curled in a ball Like she's hiding from me and That's when I know

Their voice comes over the linkpearl. There's a danger to it. "Why are there wards on the door, what are these?"

"It's the only way to keep you from drinking when I can't be there," you explain calmly.

Etienne sucks in a breath, and you brace for yelling. "You can't just lock me in here," they whisper. "I'm a person. I'm an adult. You have to let me out."

"I have somewhere to be for a few suns. You've food in there. You'll be alright. Sober up."

"Can't you call someone to come check on me? Rosa, or someone? Please, I can't - don't leave me here alone."

"I'm sorry, it was my only option. This can't wait."

She's gonna be pissed when she wakes up For terrible things I did to her in her dreams

The apartment is in poor shape when you return. It seems at several points Etienne attempted to magic the doorway and scorched the rug - or the levin sparked and started a fire - and they also attempted sheer brute force. One of the charming little kitchen chairs is splintered. But the Etienne you find is more like the Etienne you married. Ducking their head shyly, saying, "I'm really sorry... I'm sorry I relapsed, I'm weak."

"I'm sorry I had to do that," you say. The two of you hug desperately.

(You're sorry you had to do all of it.)

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(You're sorry the first ritual failed. The softness and patience Etienne showed you then, when you were recovering, when you didn't remember them - they were just as sweet as they'd been when you first got married. When you first started dating. Before everything got so bad.)

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

The night Etienne tried to kill themselves, you had a fight. It was about all those nights you went out, not telling them where you were going. "I can't keep doing this," Etienne said to you, staring up at the statue of Nald'thal in the Ossuary. "I can't." They speak your name with such quiet urgency. "I need time to think."

"Please," you beg, your eyes stinging. "Don't leave me." You grab their arm. They try to jerk away from the touch.

Their voice echoes loud in the Ossuary. "Don't bloody touch me when I’m upset! Please!"

You hold onto their arm harder. Their arm is so thin. They're slipping away from you. "Please don't leave, please don't be angry. Please...!"

"I'm not -- I'm not -- I just..."

You're sobbing.

"I'm sorry, darling," Etienne says, gently touching your face, your hair, "Let's go home."

You have a long conversation-argument at the apartment. You explain why the work is essential. They beg you to promise not to do things that put you in danger. You tell them you'll do your best. You don't like doing things that upset them, after all.

"I don't know what's wrong with me,” Etienne murmurs. “I feel hounded, I can't sleep. You're always so busy. Since the ritual and... since that... incident with Henri..."

"Are you guilty? Because of what happened?"

"I honestly just want to be alone," Etienne says. They are sitting at the desk about a yalm from you, but they're malms away. "So much has happened the last few moons. I need to figure it out."

"Do you mean traveling? I can't right now, with work -- and I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be on your own. I don't think you're alright on your own right now."

"True," Etienne says, lowering their head. They shuffle around in the desk, and your feel your face heat. Another bottle? Etienne whispers something, "You won't let me go," mayhap, and then. The letter opener.

Thank the Twelve you're a healer. Thank the Twelve you had the sedative. They beg you for it that night, after you stop the bleeding. They can’t sleep and they’re half mad, crying and ranting. And you take them to your co-worker Rosa in the morning. She takes Etienne away from you. Says they need to rest and recover under direct supervision. Etienne doesn't even want to see you at first, or perhaps it's that Rosa won't let you near them. She's the one who stipulated only short visits while Etienne recovers. She only lets you back after Etienne sleeps for two suns straight.

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

You remember the day you fell in love with Etienne. You both were sitting at the Quicksand. You had tea, they had orange juice, and another man sat down between you two at the table and made himself welcome. He asked you why you stuttered.

"While on the subject of questions, why are you so bloody rude?" Etienne asked. They said to you, "You don't have to answer that." And you smiled, feeling sunshine radiating out of every pore.

"I'm not the sort of man for relationships," Etienne said, later, as you walked down the streets of Ul'dah, over to the steps of the Ossuary. You offered to escort them to work, as though they needed it. "I've been through a lot. I don't even know if I can love anyone - it all seems like kind of a fool's errand, honestly. Men are... I've just met so many, many awful men."

You took their hand, and they look at you, surprised. "I can be patient," you promised them, "I can wait. I think you're worth it. I think you're worth trying for. I've never met anyone like you."

"Well, thank you, I suppose," Etienne says, their lips twisting as they hold back skeptical laughter. "Let’s promise one another, though - let’s be honest with one another about how this going. If someone else catches your fancy, or I do something you don't like, please just tell me. You wouldn't believe how many times I got hauled out of a nobleman's bed by a surprised wife. As if it's my fault their marriage is falling apart! I don't want anything like that, alright? No silly secrets!”

"Promise."

“Not that I imagine we'll get married. I'm really not the type." Etienne laughs at the sky. “What am I doing?!”

Hello.

[risingsouls]

[INSERT MUN ANSWERS BANNER THAT I HAVEN’T MADE HERE]

@sleepytv said: 7, 16, 17, and 20! :0 for the munday thing baby

Munday RP Asks || Open!

7. What is the one trend you miss the most that’s no longer popular or seen as much as it was before?

[The one thing that comes to mind is Magic Anons. When I first started here, they were all the rage and soooooo much fun. Like yeah they could be problematic, but, like anything else problematic, you could always just ignore them. People got so creative with some of them and it was a lot of fun, and it allowed you to explore your character in ways you might never have tried, even if only for a temporary amount of time!]

16. What do you expect from others when they want to roleplay?

[R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That’s really the only thing I expect. Of me, as a mun. Not my muses as much because...well, some muses are going to get along and others aren’t. Some are just assholes in general. So no, I’m not saying you can’t be mean to my muses ( IC or OOC, tbh ), but, unless I have warranted it by my own disrespectful behavior ( which can happen, I am not perfect but I try to practice what I preach ), I don’t want to be disrespected. I am all for spirited debates. I have a lot of unpopular opinions about this series compared to most fans, for example, and I am all about debating them and hashing them out. But when it gets to be rude and downright nasty, that’s when I lose interest in a snap. Additionally but related, don’t godmod. Don’t meta. If you’re character shouldn’t know it but you do, don’t write it ( crack stuff I’m more lenient with obviously, but if I suspect either godmodding or metagaming, I will bring it up to you ). All in all, I just expect to have fun and enjoy myself, and I want my partners to do the same :3]

17. What are your thoughts on people who goes all out on the aesthetic for their blogs? Do you think they’re have the right to express their creativity however they want?

[And this is where you get me in hot water, Jessica  xD. Jk. Probably.

I always try to stick to the “to each their own” mindset I pretty much everything on this hellsite. This is really no different. If you want to go all out and make your blog and posts The Most Aesthetically Pleasing, be my guest. No one should snuff your creativity. however. Especially in posts, some do get...out of hand? To the point where it’s difficult to read. That’s when it become an issue for me personally. I’m not going to go to them and tell them they shouldn’t format that way or anything like that. But there is a chance I will be reluctant to RP with them. I really don’t want to have to squint and question my glasses prescription just to read a post. Again, you do you. But it doesn’t hurt to be mindful of this sort of thing and knowing when it’s too much.]

20. Is there someone you admire on here?

[All of you. You’re all great. BUT if I had to name a few:

YOU. Because Honey and Cell give me more life than I ever thought that dumb bug and a sweet farm girl could. You have given them so much love and thought and that kind of TLC with muses is my lifeblood. Also, you the realest.I know I can talk to you about anything and everything without judgement.

@royallunatiic because Lau and Vegeta are bae. I love the bond and the aus we’ve built around Nabooru (my other bloggo) and Vegeta and I love our friendship even more. I adore how much love and thought you put into Vegeta, and how you aren’t afraid to say that canon got him wrong and are willing to play him true to what you feel is more genuinely Vegeta. Talking to you is the highlight of my day, and I’m always excited to roleplay and chat with you! <3

@kiealer I LOVE NINA AND ALL YOUR OCS FRANKLY? You give them so much thought and love and just...yes. I can’t wait to do more with Nina and your other characters here and with Nabooru. And you’re such a kind and fun person and have patiently sat through my dumb rants about dumb shit and that is admirable af because I know when I get on something, I can be super obnoxious. :3

@hopefromadoomedtimeline I know we haven’t talked a WHOLE LOT ooc, but I have enjoyed each of those conversations immensely. You seem very chill and I love your Trunks. Like I’ll be frank: I’m not the biggest fan of Trunks in canon, but I love what you’ve done with him and continue to do with him. He’s a sweet bean who deserves to be happy after his mess of a life :’3]

[heroquills-a]

s1lentsnip3r replied to your post: hmmmmmmmmmm……….. i feel like doing a random mun...

bet

cracks knuckles.

@s1lentsnip3r @chaosmixed @metallumdash 

words can’t describe how impressed i am by how much you bring your muses to life bwaze. i used to like, not really give a darn heck about metal sonic at all? but after that first thread we had where sonic and proxy got into a fight, i was immediately hooked. you just do such an incredible job at fleshing out characters that i otherwise wouldn’t have really thought much of before and you just have this unique and interesting spin on them that feels fresh. i love the way you play the chao and whisper’s wisps and atia is just a little gremlin but i love them so much, and i’ve literally never seen anyone play chaos before. you just have this way of utilizing that potential that your characters and concepts have and it’s just really awesome to watch. i love it. absolutely a stellar roleplayer. absolutely stellar mun!!

@skyfcx @masterprotector @cosmcther

ties you to a chair. listen here little mister. youre probably one of the OG ppl in this rpc that i’ve lowkey looked up to since first joining. you’ve already heard it plenty of times already but your writing is just ?? stellar ?? from the way you use colorful idioms, expressions, metaphors, to how you capture movement and action in such an engaging way. it’s always a treat to read. the way you portray your muses is just always spot on and i love how seamlessly you capture their mannerisms and speech patterns. your headcanons for tails and knuckles just make me so giddy they just feel so right for their characters, and as far as rosalina goes--- while i know next to nothing about the mario franchise or this character in particular i’m still intrigued enough to peek in on what she’s up to every now and then. over all, you’re a rad roleplayer and a fun person to chat with ooc !! 

@chaosbcrne 

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. i adore how you write shadow. i’m constantly blown away by how authentic he always feels and how realistic you write him while still remaining accurate and true to his character. like i legit cannot even think of any other place or media i’ve seen besides the games themselves (before sega started botching up his character anyway) where he’s portrayed as accurately as you write him. you manage to balance the serious, aloof, hostile side of him with his playful, competitive, smug side AND the inner naive, almost child like side almost perfectly. and then there’s more, because you add so much depth to him and realistically expand on so many unexplored facets of his character and his roots !! you can just tell this is a character who’s endured so many hardships and is still trying to recover and move on, and despite everything that’s hardened him into the person he is today he still has that innocent curiosity about the world and it makes me so emo every. single. time. you just put so much work into him and it shows, from your icons to your headcanon posts, to even the most minute detail. even when you host events you just go So Hard at it you’re literally out here setting the standard dude. and don’t even get me started on your writing style. i was hooked by the very first thread we did, i felt like i could never hold a candle to it honestly. just. the way you narrate shadow’s feelings and thoughts, how you capture his actions, his movement, his speech patterns, is just so good. and your vocabulary is so colorful and rich. just. hgnfhg its top tier content ALRIGHT you inspire me to push myself and to keep improving all the time and i have to say i couldn’t ask for a better writing partner. i love you so much eph 💕💕💕

@1110-01111011

hello yes trikey i love your omega so much. i’ve never really thought much of the death bot before but seeing all the headcanons and fleshing out you do for him just makes him so much more interesting and fascinating. down to the most intrinsic detail you put in for him it’s just really cool to see and adds so much to him that just !! i love it man. every time i think abt omega now my mind just automatically goes back to your portrayal because he is Just omega. i appreciate all the depth you add to him and his relationships to the rest of his team, it’s so pleasing to see and really helps solidify how strong team dark’s dynamic truly is..... not to mention your art is hecking gorgeous??? like damn dude, goals. anyway,, thank u for the blessed omega content. absolutely 10/10

@coolxnxblue @oforbis @hcrofraid @mastcrplanncr @powderbluestreaks

toxi i immediately fell in love with your sonic the first time we ever interacted. you just capture his sass so well, i just could not stop giggling that first night. he’s still my favorite sonic in this rpc, to be honest. and don’t even get me started on your other muses. it still baffles me how you manage to take on such a huge raster of characters yet manage to flesh them out all so well. every one of them feels so evenly developed and solid and just like bwaze you make me care about characters that i otherwise wouldn’t have before. i feel like i have a huge newfound appreciation for eggman bc of you and unsurprisingly he’s now my fave eggman on here hands down. and it goes without saying your writing is just, phenomenal. you capture dialogue so beautifully, the way you narrate on the feelings your characters are experiencing is engaging, to the point i’m lowkey intimidated by it sometimes LMAO. also your AUs are just rad as hell? and rlly interesting?? and your art style too ????? 10/10 roleplayer, i just think youre neat.

@antibadnik @godcontained

hey you? yes you. i love your muses so much. i especially love how you write amy, to be honest. she’s been my favorite character since forever and like?? you do just such a good job with her? i appreciate that you choose not to erase her intense affection for sonic, because more often than not i see people tone it way down to almost non-existent and it really is just such a big part of her character. i like the way you delve into that mindset of her’s, and expand on it and how it affects her. i also just. love your writing too. you just have this way of conveying feeling in your writing that’s always a punch to the gut you can feel it that hard. your headcanons for elise are really interesting too and definitely nothing i’ve actually seen before, what with how her powers work and how having to go emotionally dormant has effected her after all this time.  also, i love ava. she is baby. it’s so cool getting to see a mute character!! all in all, its just good content man. god i love football.

@team-phantom @heartfelt-silver

pandaaaa i adore you !!! you were like my first friend in this heckin rpc. all of our dash shenanigans always have me wheezing and i just love your boys so much. i can certainly say without a shadow of a doubt that zero is one of my favorite takes on infinite. its hard to believe that he’s the same jackal who almost completely helped eggman take over the world--- he’s just come so far, he seamlessly fits into the rest of the cast. i adore how he works off of his team, and all their own unique little quirks that set them apart from each other. your headcanons and lore for your muse is just so sweet. and god i can’t get enough of your art?? your doodles always are a blessing to see ;-; i always appreciate you youre just such a sweet and kind mun, you’re so welcoming of ppl here and have this way of making ppl feel at home in this community. it absolutely wouldn’t be the same without you. keep it up <3

@lightdash @heartlop @enrichedheart

YOU. yes you. ame you’re so freakin’ cool and sweet. you’re always so nice and welcoming to people in the rpc it’s always a treat getting the chance to talk to you !! you’re another one of those peeps i look up to in this community TBH and youre muses are just portrayed and written so well!! i can just tell you’ve poured many years of thought, consideration, and work into your muses to the point that they’re just so finely tuned. i love the aesthetic you utilize for you blogs, from your icons to just the way you go about formatting your threads? and not to mention, your art style ??? is just so cute ??? ngl i lowkey wanna collab with you one of these days bc i just adore how you draw the sonic cast ;_; thank you for being a part of this rpc !! you’re wonderful !

@projectlightfox

moggg you’re so nice and chill to talk to. i love volt and harmony so much... they fit in really good with sonic world and mesh well with just about any characters i’ve seen them interact with so far--- even if its someone they don’t get along with. i’ve said it before but theyre just a really charming little duo and im always happy to see them on my dashboard. i love the overall aesthetic they got going, two travelers roaming the world from dimension to dimension. harmony is just a little bundle of precious fluffy joy and her interactions with sonic always make me cry. and volt--- he’s such a good dad !! he’s a really neat character and i’m certainly interested in learning more about the both of them. and as i said, you’re a rad person to talk to, i appreciate how welcoming and supportive you are of people. and your art style? absolutely adorable. thank you for being in this rpc ;-;

@dieviskais @solfading 

king!! i’ve never seen anyone write the way you do, choosing to shift the view point onto the reader as if they themselves are the muse. it’s such a unique and interesting way to look into your muse’s mindsets and express how they are feeling and what they’re doing. your take on silver is very fresh compared to the way he’s typically written. i appreciate you don’t take the baby silver uwu route like don’t get me wrong he IS baby but he’s not a baby. you certainly have really neat headcanons surrounding his backstory and how he grew up, it’s nice to see the grim reality of his harsh bleak life being represented. it’s good !! your other muses are intriguing too and i’m eager to learn more about them. i love auburn?? he’s a really cool oc dude his aesthetic and powers are A+. and you know, i may be terrible at expressing it but you’re a delight to talk to!! never feel bad or discouraged for popping into my dms i honestly appreciate the company ;-; thank u for being u

@orbviously / @cubeviously

THESE TWO BOTS. i love them so much. literally every time i see orbot or cubot now in any context i just think back to your portrayal of them hebby, they’re just so dang spot on and good. i love how you go about interacting with people with these two tbh it never fails to make me giggle. i love your art style too it’s just pleasing to look at! you have so many creative AUs for these bots i’m honestly impressed by how much you manage to create with these guys man--- from their human/bot designs to their mobianbot designs theyre just so cool ?? even your other muses are always entertaining to watch regardless of what fandom theyre from youre just so fun to interact with. and just, you’re always a pleasure to talk to ooc, youre always putting a smile on my face! youre awesome hebby 

@fishing-purple-cat

yes hi. sunny your take on big is so blessed. you’ve done so much justice for him. i’ve always really liked big tbh but i just love how much depth you put into his character, his backstory and his mannerisms. i love that you like,, actually give him a personality outside being a slow thinker. i can tell you’ve really developed your writing style with him, it speaks volumes about how much work you really put into writing him and it shows? heck, you even go the extra mile to draw your own icons and hang on i need a second to gush about your art because holy DAMN dude. your anatomy and painting abilities are nothing short of impressive--- especially your nack for painting backgrounds. i srsly gotta commission you at some point when i’m able to, heck. anyway, the rpc certainly wouldn’t be the same without you here

@lnfinitc

dude i love your take on infinite. he’s just about everything he should have been in forces, and even more. i love how malicious and intimidating you write him and your take on his speech patterns is just straight up eye-candy. i love your writing style, its so flavorful and rich--- your headcanons and lore on how infinite works is just astounding. and i like how you incorporate your drawings into your replies or threads too like even if its just icons your style is so heckin pretty ?? gosh dang. i’m definitely looking forward to interacting more in the future bc ur muse is just really fun and you seem like such a rad person !!

@pistolbitten

uhhh hello yes... while we haven’t interacted very much so far i JUST GOTTA SAY, i super enjoy your take on fang. from what i can tell he’s very well-rounded and fleshed out and a really interesting villain. i may or may not’ve been lowkey paying attention to that angel’s thesis thread you were doing w bwaze and aaron and i gotta say. holy damn. fang just done FUCKED UP. im certainly looking forward to him and shade interacting lmao. your writing style is so good too hh... just yeah i don’t have a whole lot to say if only because we haven’t interacted as much as i have with some of the other ppl on here BUT i certainly am looking forward to bc you seem cool. i’m loving what i’m seeing so far. have nack shoot sonic. DO IT.

@mobian-merc @funis-infinite 

duuuudeeee. i’ll be honest i was super intimidated by you at first asdkjsah i don’t even know why i was ??? but like. you’re so hecking nice and fun to talk to ;_; scourge is an actual literal dipshit yet you manage to make him very likable and you have such a fun take on him. i’ve always been a little conflicted on the character tbh because of how popular he is and he seems like the type i’d like but i knew nothing about him and was kinda put off by the over hype sometimes, but honestly? your portrayal won me over. i love him now. he’s so stupid and hE’S GREAT. your infinite also seems so cool too i gotta hecking respond to that starter you made me when i get the chance, im looking forward to infinite & sonic just. talking and sassing eachother probably. i really like your writing style too!!! and your icons are absolutely gorgeous ok. alright, that is all.

@flyinginfreedom

uhhhhhhh hello i love your rouge so much ???? she’s literally so cool... you capture her aesthetic and over all mysterious yet cunning vibe perfectly and it’s just always a pleasure to see her on my dash. i loved her interactions with sonic during eph’s roadtrip event so much. your headcanons just feel so her and spot on, and you still manage to add so much depth and personality to her i just love it so much. i love your blog’s aesthetic down to the icons, and even the way you format your threads. over all just a stellar rouge blog and a really cool & chill mun!!

@rosehammcr @antihedgehog

hi rosie uhm i love your amy so much ok. she’s such a sweet heart, i love how you incorporate her tarot cards ?? it’s literally so cool... and the accuracy on those readings is shocking. she’s just such a sweet heart god i’m getting emo thinking abt her tbh like amy is !! one of my fave characters and !! you write her so well !! and your eggman too, god he’s incredible. i love how sinister yet goofy he can be he’s just a perfect combination of intimidating and silly. your takes on orbot and cubot also bring a smile to my face and i love how you incorporate them into your interactions!! you also just seem like a rlly rad person and i’d love to interact more !! yeah !

@a-wind-of-freedom

yuniiiiiiIII !!  you’re such a sweet heart and your sonic is too. i’ve never seen someone play sonic the way you do before and it’s certainly interesting and unique !! you’ve got so many neat an thought out verses and AUs too, theyre all really intriguing !  our interactions with our sonics are always rlly blessed tbh starlight is just precious. i always appreciate getting to work with you as well for commission stuff, you’ve really been helping me out in that regard. plus you give me something artistic to work on and the chance to push my talents ! ;-; all in all you’re just a really sweet person and have a kind aura about you ! ;;

@champiionic

clears throat. hi yes you’ve been one of my fave sonics since day one. you’re just so creative with your muse its honestly impressive how many things you’ve able to come up with for sonic. from the portrayal you bring to the table down to your muse aesthetic its always just spot on you’ve got the blue speedster’s whole vibe down to a T. and your writing is just ? kisses my fingers. beautiful. your sonic is just so dang authentic, seeing him on my dash is always a pleasant sight. and i know this post is namely about sonic rpc muns & muses but i already love bubbles and blossom. i used to watch powerpuff girls when i was rlly little so its a real nostalgia trip to see them on my dashboard.

@hcpebloom @rcsebloom

bunny !! ur heckin sweet.. i love ur amy so much HSDFHDJ she’s just so soft. and unique too!! your headcanons for her are just so cute and make her stand out in her own way and i just appreciate that yo. and i admittedly don’t know a whole lot about cosmo since i havent really watched that far into sonic x but you’ve certainly got my attention with her. we just gotta interact more man ur muses are so precious !! ;_; 

@fortruechaos 

you !! your shadow is so good dude ! your portrayal of him is just so hecking accurate,, i highly appreciate how noble you write him to be. he’s serious, he’s prickly, but he’s got the world’s best interest at heart and it makes my heart do the fluttery thing. your writing is so good too gosh. no to mention youre just so hecking nice ??? youre just overall a rlly sweet mun & i appreciate your presence here in the rpc

@glittcrngcld @livelifc

hey fretcher ? ily. your muses are just so good from your canon characters to your ocs, i just love them sm?? and your ART? i swoon every time i see your doodles on my dash i’m still not over those doodles of lilly and azure ;-; not to mention your edits are scarily good like shit dude teach me your ways. your takes on your muses are awesome man i love ur sonic he’s such a MEME. and elise !!! she makes me so emo god. thank u for your blessed portrayals of these characters ! @elektrisch-felidae​

YOU. precious is just, precious?? HAH. i love her, she’s so cool tbh. she’s so chill and laid back and seems like the kinda cool cat sonic can totally vibe with. you yourself are also rlly chill and fun to interact with--- even if we haven’t much so far. its no secret i just love sonic ocs so much and precious is just awesome. i love the idea of electricity powers. absolutely need to have sonic hang with her more ;;

@coldheartbeauty 

SPEAKING of cool cats with cool powers, i love raven. her sass is just super entertaining to see on the dashboard tbh. i have to see her and sonic get into a sass off one of these days. her powers are also really cool too ? she reminds me of blaze in a sense, but just completely different in her own right. i also just hella love your art style its so cute, your doodles are always adorable to see!! 

INHALES. ok. im done. if i missed anyone i am so sorry i ran out of steam. thank you all so much for making this rpc such an entertaining, dynamic, and creative place to be !!! 

[adecila]

Game of Thrones - 8x03 preview analysis + speculation

Or the moment I realise I am blind as a bat and I need glasses.

Busy week, but hey we’re still 3 days away from what has been advertised as an episode that will kill us. At a whoopin’ 80 (ish; 82 according to some websites, 79 according to others so I’ll just say 80) minutes and advertised as the longest battle in television (surpassing LoTR) I am ready to die! 

Wait wait does this mean it will be 80 minutes of stress? 80 minutes of fighting?  80 minutes of me yelling at the screen JON NO and KHALESSI NO until my throat is sore and I barely have any voice left? Yeah, probably.

Anyway- this is probably more on the speculation and prediction side since we don’t have that much to go off of…. 

Unlike the preview / promo / trailer –whatever you want to call it– we got for episode 2, episode 3 gave us a big fat nothing. Mhm, basically. 

But first the famous 6 photos EW gave us: (also a big pile of nothing!)

S.ansa looking worried, sitting, maybe glossy eyed - interior? exterior? Who the hell knows. Technically, as per episode 2 S.ansa is to stay in the crypts with the other women and children.

Ser Brienne of Tarth and Jaime fookin’ Lannister and some Knights of the Vale (noice shields) - this looks like an actual screengrab from the episode, and from their faces something it’s INCOMING. I am trying not to read too much into it, but tbh their faces can be just from seeing the huge ass army coming at them. 

Jonno mah man, my stupid son (and I say this with all the love in my heart) lookin’ sweaty, and rough and shooketh and I cannot help but to think something BIG is happening. Could it be something as simple as coming face to face again with our main boss the Night King himself? Could it be another “bitch watch me use your fallen men against you” moment? Could it be someone he cares dying in front of him? Could it be the dead surrounding them? Honestly guys this preview is giving me nothing, except anxiety. There’s some fire burning behind him, it can be dragon fire or it can just be fire they made in order to keep the dead at bay (as seen in the next pic). It is snowing and we can see fire behind him. Also also this pic clearly proves that HBO intentionally darkened the trailer since in the trailer we see the clip with Jonno running and this pic is from that exact scene. Gosh, his face tho - LISTEN he looks terrified. 

Jonerys overlooking Winterfell, but from the North-West side? So clearly at one point in the battle they get to this vantage point so they can see better. I am assuming that it’s quite early into the episode, since Jon still has his furs on, whereas in the previous photo he had no cloak and looked like he had already fought for some time; we see the forces spread out exactly like on the map (as I explained it in my 8x02 analysis when the war council happened), and oh my it looks glorious. We also see some fire strategically lit and it looks beautiful. Now BURN IT TO THE GROUND. Jk but also not jk; asoiaf theories on how Winterfell is meant to be destroyed at one point in the story are a-plenty ! Last night @muttpeeta asked me if I could see the dead in this pic and I said bitch I can’t see shit. I guess in the right down corner are just trees, so maybe the dead are in the trees (lmao just imagined them in the trees). On the other hand, @thescarletgarden1990 said she could maaaaybe see something in the left dark corner… gurl, I still can’t see shit. Uff notice how Jon x Dany suddenly have a space in between them? Ah, remember when we had nice things like when they had no idea what “personal space” meant? Hang onto your hats for the angst, bitches.

S.ansa x Arya on the battlements. Is it just me or is there something like a bar or blade or maybe a bow on Arya’s left side, almost resting on her shoulder? The spear Gendry made her? Maybe it’s an optical illusion. Also seems pre-battle, also seems quite early in the episode, when we have still time for dialogue. Hmm.. maybe that first S.ansa pic is in the same scene, but before? S.ansa looks a bit worried and shit I would be too. Scratch that, I think the first S.ansa pic is after the discussion with Arya. 

Tyrion x Varys in the crypts, chatting to kill time whilst everyone else is getting killed. I also expect this to be in the very first part of the episode. 

See, exactly what I said, they gave us something without giving us anything.

Now, onto the preview:

“The most heroic thing we can do now is look the truth in the face” - voiceover by S.ansa, as the screen flashes to: the troops, Grey Worm, Jonerys at the vantage point, Sam, S.ansa x Arya on battlements, Davos on battlements, women x children x Varys x Tyrion in the crypts, Jorah. Interesting line though, what truth is she talking about? Jon’s parents? I doubt. The fact that the dead actually exist? Remember when I said S.ansa doesn’t seem to believe Jon much?…

“The Night King is comin” - voiceover by Jon - we see Jon scared shitless, (from the photo we also got), the army in position, Arya running (from the trailer), Unsullied marching in formation, Beric x the Hound (INSIDE WF? WHAT???), Dany on Drogon in a blizzard, more Unsullied, Theon with a bow with fire in the Godswood, Jonno pulling out Longclaw in the Godswood looking a bit too sad/disturbed/scared??? 

Jonerys at the vantage point, face to face, Dany saying to Jon “The dead are already here”, she looks angry, Jon looks … emo :D 

Ser Brienne yelling to her flank “Stand your ground”

Now, let me regroup all my thoughts now that I made a general break down of the photos and the actual preview, let’s discuss what I think it will happen. This time I am heavily relying on speculation since tbh we don’t have much to go off.

About Jonerys:

Yeah, I don’t think they are just going to get over the parentage reveal that fast. My guess, based on how 8x02 ended and on the way Dany says “The dead are already here” is that there is going to be some tension. A lot of it. My best guess? the conflict isn’t going to be solved until 8x04 at the earliest. 

I told @smoldany I am thinking Jon wants to stick to the plan (contrary to what he did in BoB) and Dany will maybe see her troops getting smashed. As I mentioned, they make the vanguard so they will get hit the most. I imagine Dany is still shook from the reveal and when Jon will tell her to stick to the plan, she will go KHALESSI YES and mount on Drogon and go fuck up some wights and WW and protect her people because that’s what she does. Maybe Jon tells her something along the “The NK isn’t here” and she replies that exact phrase we hear in the preview. 

I am expecting some sort of rift between them mid battle. I know, I have mentioned it, but that’s what happens when person A and B go into a fight for life while they are also fighting. 

I mentioned in an ask how we will get a parallel to the scene beyond the wall where Jon falls into ice water in front of Dany. I am expecting something like this to happen, but reversed. This time it will be Dany falling and Jon running, watching something in horror. Maybe she falls off Drogon, maybe she falls with Drogon, but something happens, because I swear that Jon pic where he looks horrified it’s all I can think of. Plus! We haven’t seen Dany in armour yet! What if the Red/Black Dragonstone dress from the teaser is actually her armour? Maybe she gets injured and they finally decide she should get armour. Why? Well, I cannot stop thinking of what Tyrion said in season 7, that it only takes a well shot arrow for it to be all over. I also think that if this isn’t the moment she gets injured on Drogon, it will come later, probably in 8x05. 

Plus, c’mon, they have to make us think (even for a few minutes) for maximum angst ™ that one of the two heroes may die. 

If we get Jon carrying Dany to safety I will be the happiest. 

If what I said happens, we also have all the chances of getting the I THOUGHT I LOST YOU kiss I keep mentioning. D&D do not fuck this up for me. 

The Crypts or “sure, the Lich Night King is coming, you know what would be a good idea? To go sit in the motherfucking crypts where the motherfucking dead are kept.” 

Look. Do I believe the dead will rise in the crypts? Mmmmm not really. Except maybe Rickon, because he is the freshest dead person to be put here. There is a lot of foreshadowing in the books that the dead in the crypts may rise in a form or another, but… I don’t think it will happen in the show. 

However! Since the crypts have been mentioned a lot, I am inclined to thing something BIG will happen. My best bet? The dead push through the gates and the Mormont forces and they make it to the crypts. AHA but you will say - “UMMM aLiCe but the people are then sitting ducks” - well, not necessarily. There are a lot of secret passages in Winterfell, if you remember, that’s how Bran escaped ! So if the dead are to invade the crypts, I am guessing at least some of the people will flee through the tunnels. We just have too many big characters there for them to die so soon, at least Tyrion. Let’s be real, Tyrion won’t die now. He has to flee somehow. 

Winter FELL

I told my friend @tomakeitbeautifultolive once that I thought the fight for Winterfell is doomed from the start. Imo, this keep is meant to fall, and the NK will have a victory here. 

While we’re on the subject of Winterfell, lemme bring up my theory that it will be a sort of Culling of Stratholme situation from WoW. In case you’re interested, click on that link, the lore is so rich in this game, but I digress. I think the bittersweet part if they don’t get slammed and pushed to retreat or die, it will be a sort of decision - aka if we don’t burn as much as the fallen as we can then we are just adding more forces to the AoTD. So… I am thinking there will be a point where the dead are clearly winning and they cannot take any more chances, so they burn as much as they can, living and dead, especially inside of WInterfell. Or maybe I am just too MUCH :D

Regardless if Winterfell is being sacrificed or not, our heroes will be forced to retreat. Because if you think the NK is going to be defeated in episode 3/6 …..

Where the fuck is the Night King then?

Funny how we haven’t seen the NK in the trailer, nor in the preview for this episode, nor at the end of episode 2 - we just saw the WW on their horses.

Will he even be at WF? Idk man their plan looks pretty dumb. And as far as I remember, the NK could see Bran. The NK knew Dany was coming and was prepared with spears for dragons (and chains!). So why the fuck would he not be able to see this shitty ass plan??? 

I told some of my friends that I think the NK will fool them, send his forces to WF while he will either stay on the sides for as much as he can in order to bait Dany and/or Jon… (so he will swoop in let’s say mid battle - maybe that’s why we see Dany on Drogon in a blizzard, or idk, we saw the weather change also when WW are present, so you never know) or go to the Isle of Faces because I think he may want to destroy some big important weirdwood tree… or maybe I am thinking again too much about WoW and I am getting Teldrassil vibes 

Bran Starkashian waiting for his date with the NK under the weridwood tree

Uff I think this is the part of the plan that will backfire the most

I am 99% sure this is where Theon dies, while defending Bran because the dead are gonna come to the Godswood for Bran’s sexy ass

I told @tomakeitbeautifultolive that Jonno looks too distressed and oddly calm when he is drawing Longclaw and he looks to also be in the Godswood - oh gosh what if he mercy kills someone ? Oh gosh what if it’s Theon… or Rickon…

But Alice, what about Cersei and her GC? And Bronn?

I honestly don’t know. Weird how Cersei seems to have a plan in place. So what happened to Euron after ep 1? Did he get mad when Yara got rescued? Is the GC just gonna sit in KL and wait for an attack? Are they marching North? Are they gonna also arrive in WF while the dead are there? 

I just want to mention that in the trailer, when Arya does her spear thingy, it seems there is blood spatter from one of the people she hits… “but wights don’t bleed, Alice,” - I hear you say. Exactly, buddy. EXACTLY. So who the hell is Arya killing? just something to keep in mind. 

Last thoughts: 

Jorah will die - as Theon, his arc is fulfilled, and especially after his heart to heart with Dany in 8x02 I am 99% sure he dies. 

Grey also may die. Listen, I was surprised he made it alive out of Casterly Rock. I don’t think he will get to take Missandei to Naath…

I’m thinking 5-ish minutes of intro + 60 ish of action + the rest is the retreat

The jonerys conflict will most likely continue into 8x04, where it may get solved - if not, 8x05 for the makeup sex.

Beric dies; either Podrick or Jaime die, but not both

Edd dies

ALIVE: The Starks + Gendry + Dadvos + Missandei + Lyanna Mormont + the Hound + Sam + Gilly + Little Sam + Brienne + Ghost + Tormund

I am still holding off for Nymeria and her pack! 

Bottom line is, I am pumped for this episode, it is gonna hurt as hell, so yeah! Asks and dms are open, as usual, so feel free to ask questions if there is something I missed. See you on Sunday! Bring wine and food! 

[jercythesiscrying]

Tsukki <3 is calling... | KuroTsukki, Slash, G, 1.7k

NaNoWriMo Day 28: Fic-ception (aka fic about a fic)

Summary: A continuation of The Last Red Scribble by @doggonneit. Definitely necessary to read that before reading this~!

Read on Ao3

A/N: Couldn't help but write about doggoneit's adorable single parent au for this prompt. Please do read that before reading this one because it’s so worth it  /)w(\  Unbeta’d because I’m tired. Mistakes galore especially since I'm not used to formatting chat fics like this /o\

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo. Regular text is Kageyama.

Tuesday PM

(5:11) Akiteru is bringing Tobio for class tomorrow because I have to work a late shift, but I’ll be able to pick him up afterwards. (5:12) Please do not teach my son anything violent.

(5:13) tsukki!! so mean!!! (5:13) i would never!!

(5:14) Surprisingly, you’ve yet to prove otherwise so please keep that up.

(5:14) see! (5:15) can akiteru stay and watch? i could gossip with him about you more

(5:16) Do that and they’ll never find your bodies.

(5:17) do what? whose bodies?

(5:18) Glad you catch on quick.

(5:18) only for u babe <3

(5:20) Also I don’t think nii-san can stay tomorrow. He has something with a friend apparently?

(5:21) aw (5:21) oh well (5:22) see you and tobio tomorrow!

(5:24) See you.

Wednesday PM

Kuroo is calling...

“Hello?”

“Hey, so! I forgot to tell you when you came by to pick up Tobio earlier, but a little bird told me an embarrassing secret of yours...”

(muffled laughter)

“Who do I have to kill?”

“So violent!”

“I asked a question: Who do I have to kill?”

“Really, Tsukki? You’re gonna murder your own son? Your only offspring? The apple—I mean—blueberry of your eye? The –”

“Okay, I get your point, please stop talking.”

(sigh)

“What did Tobio say now?”

“Oh, nothing much... just that you reeeally liked me before we started dating.”

“I can hear you grinning over a verbal conversation. How is that possible?”

“Aw, baaabe! You didn’t deny it! You had a crush on me!”

“We’re already dating.”

“Still!”

“Dad, why is Kuroo-san making weird noises?”

“Because he’s weird.”

“Oh, Tobio’s there? Hi, Tobio!”

“Hi, Kuroo-san.”

“He just finished his glass of milk before bed so he came to say good night.

“Yeah.”

“That’s good, kid! Keep drinking milk and maybe you’ll be as tall as me one day! Anyway, Tsukki, don’t change the subject—you’re very cute and totally had a crush on me.”

“He really did.”

“Tobio!”

“See!”

“I think that’s enough from both of you now. Good night, Kuroo.”

“‘Night, babe! You too, Tobio! Have sweet dreams about me!”

(grumbling)

“I said good night!”

“Muah!”

“Good night, Kuroo-san.”

Saturday AM

(11:15) Was Tobio good today at volleyball this morning?

(11:16) hes a fuckin champ he watched kenma like a hawk the entire time he was teaching everyone how to set (11:16) freaked kenma out tbh lol

(11:17) I meant if he behaved well.

(11:17) of course he did babe (11:18) Tobios always well behaved for vball

(11:18) Thank goodness for that.

(11:18) why (11:19) is he acting up in school again?

(11:19) No...?

(11:20) then whats up?

(11:20) Nothing. (11:21) just looking out for my son, that’s all.

(11:22) omg thats so cute

(11:22) What? Caring for my child? (11:23) That’s called being a parent, Kuroo.

(11:23) lol i know (11:24) i mean how you worry for him (11:24) make sure hes doing well and stuff

(11:25) That’s called being a *parent*, Kuroo.

(11:26) its called being a very sweet father who loves his son a lot

(11:28) Feeling sentimental, aren’t we.

(11:28) im just (11:30) so glad im with a guy that really cares for his loved ones the way you do (11:31) :)

(11:33) I (11:35) I don’t know what to say to that.

(11:35) babe (11:36) ur supposed to say something nice back to me now

(11:36) ...

(11:37) im waiting :3 (11:38) here all night if i have to be

(11:40) You are the most annoying person on the planet.

(11:40) :3c

(11:41) *rolling eyes emoji* (11:41) Fine. (11:45) I like how you can keep up with my humour, and how you treat Tobio. (11:47) You’re very patient and considerate with the both of us.

(11:47) TSUKKI (11:48) THATS THE NICEST THING YOUVE EVER SAID TO ME

(11:50) Ah, yes the good old “you’re a decent human being” compliment. (11:51) Absolutely groundbreaking in societal niceties.

(11:52) YOU MAY AS WELL HAVE CONFESSED UR LOVE FOR ME

(11:52) ...

(11:52) !!!!!!!

(11:53) I’m not dignifying that with a response.

(11:54) LOVE U TOO BABE (11:54) BRODOOOKUTOT (11:55) TSUKKI TORLD ME HE ELOVED ME TODAY

(11:56) Do you always gossip like a middle schooler with Bokuto-san?

(11:57) IDEC THAT I TEXTEFD U BYA CCIDENT (11:58) LOVE YOU!!

(11:59) *rolling eyes emoji* (12:00) Love you too.

(12:00) !!!! (12:01) <3

(12:03) <3

Thursday PM

(2:32) Kuroo?

(2:34) shimizu! whats up

(2:35) Tsukishima told me the news. (2:36) Thank you *so* much.

(2:39) ... ur welcome? (2:40) not sure for what exactly lol

(2:41) He told me you said you loved him.

(2:41) oh

(2:42) He also told me he said it back.

(2:44) um yeah (2:46) its really easy to, u know? (2:46) i fell very quickly :)

(2:47) And I thank you for that.

(2:48) why?

(2:51) I don’t remember if I told you this, but I was worried my decision to keep Tobio would affect Tsukishima’s future relationships.

(2:52) o ya you did say that (2:53) i mean, tsukkis one of the most hardworking and caring people i know (2:54) and its obvious he loves tobio a lot (2:54) cant help but love him

(2:55) I’m glad you think so too. (2:56) I may not love Tsukishima the same way but I’m sure you already know how much he and Tobio mean to me.

(2:57) i do (2:58) thank you for letting me love them

(2:59) It’s not my place to be thanked.

(3:00) then its not mine either :)

(3:05) :) (3:06) Please take good care of them.

(3:06) i promise (3:09) take care in america!!

(3:10) Thank you.

Sunday AM

Tsukki <3 is calling...

“Hello? Tsukki?”

“Kuroo-san?”

“... Tobio? Is that you?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, buddy! What’s up? Why are you on your dad’s phone?”

“Dad’s sick.”

“Oh no! Is he in bed right now?”

“Yes. He’s asleep.”

“That’s good. He needs plenty of rest.”

“...”

“Hey, uh, Tobio, how did you call me? Are you learning how to read in school now?”

“Yeah, but also your picture is on Dad’s phone.”

“Really, huh! Do you remember which one? Can you check for me?”

(rustling)

“Uhhh, the one where you’re showing off your arm.”

(muffled)

“That just made my entire day, oh my god.”

“Kuroo-san? I can’t hear you because you’re talking too fast.”

“Oh, sorry, Tobio! Just got distracted. Anyway, was there a reason you called me?”

“Dad’s sick.”

“Yes, you told me, kiddo. Is Akiteru-san taking care of him?”

“Nuh-uh. Aki-jiichan had work. He said he was gonna get someone but since no one’s here yet I took Dad’s phone and called you.”

“Oh. OH! You need me to come over, Tobio?”

“Yes, please. I don’t know how to heat up my lunch.”

“I’m on my way, kiddo. I’ll check on your dad too, okay?”

“Okay. See you, Kuroo-san!”

“Bye, Tobio!”

Click.

Sunday AM

(11:49) tobio just called me bc tsukkis sick (11:50) why didnt you tell me? i would be omw in a heartbeat

(11:51) I thought I did???! (11:52) CRAP MY MESSAGE DIDNT SEND (11:53) PLEASE LOOK AFTER KEI AND TOBIO, OH GOD

(11:54) already on it, akiteru-san (11:57) send me their address please!

(11:59) Gotcha! (12:01) Thank you Kuroo-kun!!

Sunday PM

Tsukki <3 is calling...

“Hello? Tsukki, already calling me? I just left your place –”

“Kuroo-san?”

“Oh, Tobio! Hey, kid, what’s up?”

“Thank you for coming.”

“Oh, it was no problem! I’m glad I could help!”

“Dad forgot to say thank you earlier so I’m calling to tell you.”

“Tobio!”

(rustling)

“Tobio? You still there?”

“Sorry about that. Tobio took my phone.”

“It’s fine. You got a smart kid there.”

“I’ve got a kid who’s out to make my life hell is what I got.”

“You love him though!”

“Wouldn’t trade him for the world. Still, I did not tell him to tell you I said ‘thank you’.”

“Great! So that means you can tell me yourself now!”

“Seriously, I cannot believe I can hear you grinning on a phone conversation. How are you doing that?”

“Doesn’t matter! Now tell me ‘thank you’!”

“No.”

“Please, Tsukki!”

“Dad, you should tell him ‘thank you’.”

“Listen to Tobio!”

“Quit it, both of you.”

(sigh)

“Um... thanks, I guess, Kuroo.”

“Laying it real thick there, Tsukki. It almost sounded like you weren’t having your teeth pulled.”

“You’re the one who asked!”

“You did, Kuroo-san.”

(muffled)

“Tobio, can you play in your room please? Dad’s gotta have a conversation with Kuroo-san.”

“Okay.”

(rustling)

“A ‘conversation’, huh? You’re voice still sounds too rough to be talking, you know.”

“I have tea with me right now, I’ll be fine.”

“Good! And you’re welcome, by the way, I was happy to help. You can call me next time too, you know? Instead of asking Akiteru to do it.”

“I told you I thought Yamaguchi was coming over. I didn’t know nii-san asked for you instead.”

“But he did and now you can too! So just, you know, ask.”

“... I don’t like depending on people.”

“I know, Tsukki, but I swear you and Tobio can count on me, okay?”

“You can’t promise that.”

“I can: I promise I’ll be there for you and Tobio. There, just did it.”

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“Maybe not, but I’m gonna try my hardest anyway.”

“... I couldn’t stop you even if I wanted, huh?”

“No.”

“Please stop grinning—I can still hear you.”

“Wanna see it?”

(8:01) *image attached*

“That is the derpiest look I’ve ever seen, oh my god.”

“Glad you like it!”

“...”

“...”

(sigh)

“I. I guess I’ll count on you... sometimes... or whatever.”

“TSUKKIIIII!”

“Don’t yell when you’re on the phone, jeez.”

“I love you!! You can totally count on me!! Tobio too!!”

“Oh god, what have I done? Whatever, it’s late and I have to put Tobio to bed still. Good night, Kuroo-san.”

“‘Night, babe!”

“‘Night... I love you too.”

“TSUUUUKKIIIIIIIII – !!!”

Click.

[alipiee]

Ali, I am looking for new fanfictions, can you suggest some of your favourites? Victuuri And Otayuri I love them both! Thank you! ❤️

Oh gosh strap in, I have read far too many so this list might end up being kinda long! I don’t read Otayuri but I have a lot of Victuuri to throw your way buddy

(Under the cut)

Kintsugi by @witchsbane 114k (wip)

Yuuri Katsuki is a hitman burdened with a debt he can never repay. His target: Viktor Nikiforov, next Pakhan to one of the most dangerous families in the Russian mafia.

When the two are drawn into a treacherous alliance after a mission gone wrong, the bonds of love and loyalty to family and duty begin to unravel—even as they get more tangled up in each other.

ok but this is honestly my favourite yoi fic of all time!! The writing is so amazing and you get immersed straight away bc its so vivid and descriptive!! The plot is i n c r e d i b l e, I always seem to come back and reread it because its just as amazing the second (and third) time around. I literally can’t recommend it enough!!

empty spaces between stars by @victuuriplease 124k (wip)

Victor gets just as drunk as Yuuri at the Sochi Banquet, and they disappear together after the dance-offs. They wake up the morning after with rings on their fingers, and pictures of them kissing after getting married the night before are all over the tabloids… but neither of them remembers a thing. They decide to stay married for a while for the sake of Victor’s sponsorships, and in exchange, Victor coaches Yuuri through nationals…

!!!!! This is fantastic !!!! I’m such a sucker for fake dating marriage fics, and this might be the best one I’ve ever read! The fluff is wonderful and balances out the angst and pining and just!! I love it a lot!! 

The Boyfriend Experience by @victorsporosya 240k (wip)

Katsuki Yuuri is an accomplished escort at 23, operating under the pseudonym Eros, in Detroit. When one of his favourite clients sets him up with none other than world-renowned figure skater Victor Nikiforov, the delicate balance between Yuuri’s personal and professional life teeters ever closer towards ruin.

Ok but this fic also owns my life, Adele’s writing is so beautiful and even when you’re crying from the angst, you still feel blessed to be reading it! You can tell how much thought has been put into every sentence and it deserves all of the love and appreciation

Kings in Couture by @forovnix 15k (wip)

a devil wears prada au in which victor is the editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine, yuuri’s his new secretary, and instead of talking about his feelings, victor just sends him on a bunch of errands—“Okay, okay. Ready.” Yuuri starts scribbling as the voice on the other end, someone from the Style and Trends department, relays instructions. “Sorry, can you please spell ‘Gabbana’?”

The person on the line promptly hangs up on him.

Awkwardly, he sets the phone back on the receiver. “Guess not.”

This fic is a blessing tbh, it’s so witty and fun to read and two chapters of pure gold

hey stranger (don’t i look familiar to you) by @forovnix 4k 

It’s not that Yuuri is a nosy person. To be fair, he thinks anyone would wonder about the person they’ve been sharing a space with for the better part of a year.

Or, Yuuri is a part-time professor who shares an office with someone who writes themselves too many post-it notes. There are a lot of facts to process, and Yuuri’s got a lot of assumptions.

This is so heckin cute!! Had me smiling all the way through!! Once again Justine has blessed us with her lovely writing

not gold like in your dreams by @ebenroot 87k (complete)

“Victor, you could have let some psychopath into your apartment.”

“Oh come on, he’s not a psychopath,” Victor chides. Christophe makes a gesture with his hand that says ‘are you seriously this naïve or are you drunk at work again?’.

“Victor, you don’t know that. You don’t know anything about him. Whose name am I going to give to the police or face I’m going to describe to the sketch artist when they find your body chopped up like Hannibal Lecter’s side dish?”

–

in which Victor and Yuuri are roommates and Yuuri has a secret

A penelope au was definitely needed and this was amazing! Honestly I prefer this fic to the film its just so soft and cute!! I’m weak for it and the last chapter made me cry so much idk how many times I’ve reread it at this point but I kinda wanna read it again now 

never tasted rubies by @ebenroot 16k

Phichit puts up a poll on the radio website. It reads ‘What Do U Think About Yuuri K. from Hasetsu Nights and the Mysterious Caller Victor?’

Seventy-five percent of listeners said ‘lol they should just f*ck already tbh’.

–

in which Yuuri is an unwilling radio host and Victor won’t stop calling in to chat with him

My heart was so full while reading this, it was so funny and cute and perfect!

seek those who fan your flames by @ebenroot 48k (wip)

Yuuri gets hand-delivered a black-print T-shirt by one of his bodyguards on Friday. There’s a small sticky note attached to the collar in Victor’s handwriting that reads: ‘Our new band shirt! Logo is still a work in progress. Name too. But it’s a start! Let me know what you think after school. - Victor’

There’s a heart next to his name that is hastily scribbled out. Then another heart next to that one, like Victor decided to put it in anyways.

Yuuri thinks he’s in love.

–

in which Yuuri is a teenager that’s actually a prince, and Victor is a teenager with a band that just wants to listen to rock music with him

I had a mighty need for a princess diaries au and this is wonderful!! Victor is such a sweetheart in this and its all just so wonderful and warm! 

turn it, leave it, stop, format it by @ebenroot 19k

“If you want, I can recommend you some security programs that you can download for free and protect your computer. That way, you won’t be at risk of losing these cute photos of your dog even when you browse websites like ‘Luscious Lonely Wives’.”

Victor gives one long ‘haa’. “I don’t browse those websites,” he says through his straining smile.

–

the ‘i will break any and all electronic devices that get into my hands if it means I get to talk to the cute tech support guy’ fic

This fic had me l i v i n g, it was so funny and cute and fluffy!!

The Rules For Lovers by @adreamingsongbird​ 323k (complete)

Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well…

That’s a long story.

This is so i n t e n s e! The fluff and humour is so perfect and Yuuri and Victor’s relationship is so perfect (and although the angst is painful as heck), its perfect! The plot is amazinggg and every update had me shook! It belongs in a bookstore to be honest, its so so so incredible!

to sweep me off my feet by @adreamingsongbird​ 33k

Yuuri went to school in America to get a good, stable job—no, really, Mom, he meant to, he swears! And journalism was promising! It was really good! Until supervillains started appearing and then a (rather attractive) superhero showed up too, and, well…

This is his life, these are his choices, and it’s absolutely unfair that he has to have the office across from someone as hot as Viktor Nikiforov.

The cutest superhero au, with the cutest art, and cutest plot!!

But Monsters Are Always Hungry, Darling by @orchids-and-fictional-cities​ and art by @iruutciv​ 61k (wip)

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-con 

“You do this, you do. You take the things you love and tear them apart or you pin them down with your body and pretend they’re yours. So, you kiss him, and he doesn’t move, he doesn’t pull away, and you keep on kissing him. And he hasn’t moved, he’s frozen, and you’ve kissed him, and he’ll never forgive you, and maybe now he’ll leave you alone.”

A brutal murder on Christmas Eve abruptly pulls one Detective Nikiforov out of a holiday he was just starting to tolerate, and forces him to come to terms with demons he’s been pretending not to see. On that same night, a man walks into a bar and waltzes into his life, lighting a spark that grows into a monster of its own.

Wow. This fic is so incredibly well-written and the plot thickens with each chapter, I’m so excited every time it updates honestly!! As if the writing wasn’t descriptive enough, there’s also equally beautiful art for every chapter and together its just amazing!

Confidential Information by @iwritebetterthanispeak​ 77k (wip)

Yuuri never imagined that being able to figure skate would be useful for his job at Interpol. He was very, very wrong.

Viktor Nikiforov, as a famous athlete popular in the public eye, has received threats before. There are very few he takes seriously. However, as more secrets are uncovered and nothing is as it appears, the stakes rise until it becomes clear that there may not be a way to save him this time.

I’m finally getting around to reading this and!! Addy is back with her amazing writing and I can’t wait to catch up!

If Perfect’s What You’re Searching For, Then Just Stay the Same by @iwritebetterthanispeak​ 6k

Yuuri took a deep breath, and faced the starstruck barista. “I am sorry, my Russian is very bad,” he said tentatively, shoulders hunching slightly. “Do you want me to repeat?”

“N-no, sorry, sir,” the barista said. She blushed and brushed her hair behind one ear. “I’ll get that for you right away!” She stepped away from the counter and called in fast-paced Russian, “Dmitri, come here! The most beautiful man in the world is back!”

Viktor’s smile grew. The employees of the coffee shop weren’t being cruel or making fun of Yuuri’s accent, they were enchanted with him. Viktor could sympathize, his fiancé was very enchanting.

And then he noticed that Yuuri was curled in on himself, eyes lowered and arms wrapped around his chest.

[In which Viktor realizes that Yuuri is a somewhat unreliable narrator]

Well this was just so cute, thank u addy for blessing my life once again

Love Letters by @shslshortie   44k (wip)

Ever since he was young, Yuuri Katsuki had always admired Victor Nikiforov. He was the one who had inspired him to start skating. He had pictures and posters of him all over his room — and Victor was his idol.

Like any fan of an idol, Yuuri loved to send Victor fanmail. Of course, he could never bring himself to sign it as anything other than “Your Secret Fan”, but it still made his heart come alive to write about his love for the silver-haired skater

This is one of those fics that you just can’t put down, I was reading it during all my free periods at college and its the cutest! Also all of the letters are drawn and in the body of text, so it adds so much more to it, its so wonderful!

starstruck by @haikuyus​ 167k (complete)

“Hold my son for a moment,” says the Viktor Nikiforov, live in the flesh, sweaty and panting.

“Wha—” Yuuri can’t even begin to comprehend what’s going on before Viktor is gone, and there’s a child in his arms.

(in which yuuri is a barista-turned-babysitter, viktor is a famous movie star, and yuri is an 8 year old kid stuck in the middle of it.)

so i developed a love for kid fics, and this was the first one I read, its sooooo good! Yuri is so precious and Yuuri is so precious and Viktor is so precious and just,,, theyre all so precious!

Lessons in Love by @fangirlandiknowit101​ 113k (wip)

All Viktor wants is for his son to be happy - and if that means spending countless hours at the ice rink, a million more in the ballet studio, and devotedly cheering for Katsuki Yuuri at every competition he enters, then that is precisely what he’ll do.

He just didn’t expect to become a fan, too.

(He didn’t expect to fall in love.)

This fic has me so weak, its the softest thing ever! Yuri is the cutest, and Viktor is the best dad and Yuuri is just the best tbh, I have a lot of love for this!!

on growing; by @crossroadswrite​ 125k (wip)

Yuri Plisetsky glares at him with all the righteousness five year olds possess, and says in heavily accented and clumsy English. “Be more gooder, stupid!”

And then he storms out in a sweep of blond hair and blue and red lights from his Sketchers.

(Or: in which everything is the same but Yuri Plisetsky is Victor’s bratty five-year-old child.)

This fic cleared my skin and watered my crops, its so fluffy and each chapter is a blessing

sweet like love (soft like pain) by @postingpebbles​ 10k (wip)

Loving Yuuri was a choice that Viktor never regretted making. His smile, his laughter, the way his lips felt against his own—nothing could make him happier than having Yuuri in his arms.

But when the entire world has no idea that rivals Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are in a relationship, Viktor can’t do anything at all when Yuuri gets in an accident and is rushed to the hospital the day after he proposes in a hotel room in Nagano.

I love ollie and she loves hurting my heart apparently, this is such a wonderful fic and I can’t wait for her to bless us even more with her writing

The Selection by @gallopingmonroe-blog​ 262k (wip)

Returning home on the tail end of an injury that ends his dancing career, Yuri Katsuki is trying to find his future again. As a Five, he knows his options are limited, but when he finds an invitation to Crown Prince Victor Nikiforov’s Selection, he is convinced by a friend to apply.

He never thought he’d be Selected.

When he is, he finds that his world is changed forever, and that the Crown Prince is not exactly what he’d expected.

!!! This fic is so beautiful !!! Yuuri and Viktor’s relationship is so cute, and Yuuri’s friendship with Yuri and Phichit and all of the others is so cute, and the entirety of the fic is so cute!!

a black heart of gold by @katzuyas​ and beautiful art by @lamenart​ and @iruutciv​ 67k (complete)

Victor Nikiforov, aka Grand Prix, knows that he’s Yakov’s most skilled hitman. That’s just a fact and he isn’t in the habit of arguing with facts.He also knows that he’s the only one Yakov trusts, period. In this case though, he’s the only one Yakov can rely on to take care of the elusive sniper Eros, who kills Yakov’s henchmen left and right.What Victor doesn’t know, however, is that Eros’ little vendetta is not a matter of coincidence, but pure premeditation, and thus… he falls into a trap that a rookie like Little Fairy could see from a mile away.He falls in lust.And then in love.The fool.

This fic is so intense and so descriptive and playful and just! Amazing honestly!!

November’s Secret by @lanaberryrawr​ 233k (complete)

Overwhelmed with anxiety and his fear of failing, Yuuri faces the issue of if he should continue skating. His best friend, Yuko, proposes a solution - if no one knows it’s you, then it’s less embarrassing, right? Yuuri begins to create a completely new disguise and persona.

But it works a little too well.

Before he knows it, Yuuri has become the biggest mystery of the skating world and everyone wants to know who he is. Especially Viktor Nikiforov, the idol he’s been loosely basing his new persona on for years.

This was such a cool and original concept for a fic and oh my godddd it was incredible!! Definitely one of the best I’ve read!! 

Gunned Down Butterflies by @lanaberryrawr​ 207k (wip)

Everyone’s lives revolve around two names - the name of an enemy, and the name of a soulmate, both tattooed on their wrists.

But for Yuuri, his fated soulmate and enemy are the same person. One name tattoed on his skin.

After years of believing it meant only unhappiness and pain, he begins to bandage them up and hide them from the world. He even begins to forget about them - until he meets a new client in need of a guard against the Russian mafia.

Nothing can hide him from fate - not bandaging the names, not forgetting about them, not even moving on without them. The owner of the name on his skin will find him eventually.

Okay but the amount of cliffhangers in this fic is amazing, it’s so good and I love it!! It’s such a cool take on a soulmate au!! I can’t wait for the next few chapters :D

Behind these Locked Doors by @axlaida​ 79k (wip)

“I will find a way out of here,” Yuuri stated firmly and Victor’s expression never faltered. His face was stone cold – frozen like ice. “I know it may take a while… but I have to try.”Victor let out a breath, shaking his head as he smiled. “I said the exact same thing when I arrived.”

They were trapped with no way out. And all that stood between them and their escape was a door - locked and impossible to escape from. But Yuuri had hope. He would escape this, whether the man wanted them to or not.

This is such an amazing mystery fic! I literally sit and think about it someimes at night, trying to work it all out lol, its so good!!

learn to love the skies I’m under by @linneakou 37k

The day after the Sochi GPF banquet, Katsuki Yuuri disappears without a trace.

The day after the Sochi GPF banquet, Viktor Nikiforov finds a stray poodle and takes it home with him.

These two events are, oddly enough, connected.

I never knew I needed a fic where Yuuri turned into a dog and lived with Viktor a while, but this fic changed my life tbh, its so good!

Call you by name by @linneakou 13k

Drunk, depressed, and lonely, Viktor Nikiforov makes a wish that has unforeseen consequences for himself and many people around him.

(an alternate take on the premise of learn to love the skies I’m under)

This version is also incredible!! I love them both a lot!!

Puppy Love by @phyona​ 10k

When Yuuri gets turned into a dog, the last place he expects to end up is Victor Nikiforov’s apartment. He learns quickly that the only thing worse than being his idol’s pet, is watching him pine for someone else.

Oh man,,,,this fic you guys, I love it so much! The angst oh my gosh, its such an amazing story! 

Green Light by @gia-comeatme​ 21k (complete)

Chris knows what Viktor looks like when he has a crush, and he is 100% sure that Viktor Nikiforov has a crush on his pole dancing classmate, Yuuri Katsuki.

What he doesn’t know is why Viktor hasn’t gotten off his ass and gone for him already.

As a good friend, Chris is obligated to help Viktor out a little bit.

(And that’s where everything goes to shit.)

Red Light by @gia-comeatme​ 30k (wip)

Chris has had many lovers in the years that Viktor has known him. However, none of them can even compare to Chris’ newest boyfriend.

Viktor knows it’s wrong, but he falls in love with Yuuri Katsuki anyway.

Both of these fics were sooo good oh my god! I have a weakness for misunderstandings and angst with a happy ending, so like these were right up my street and they were amazingggg

Dr. Shiny and the Case of the Beautiful Man by @etherealalchemist​ 6k

There are about five things that Victor, in this very moment, is absolutely sure of.

1. The spawns of satan are here2. they are not accompanied by their angel of a mother3. they are with the most beautiful man he’s ever seen4. his scrubs are wet from where he’d dropped water on himself5. and Victor is very, very gay.

Emphasis on point five, with a side of cupid’s arrow and “ba-dum ba-dum” on a plate.

Because he is Very Gay, and not only is he Very Gay but he is also Hopelessly Attracted to a man who is undoubtedly Very Straight and very Unavailable and is perhaps the Most Beautiful Man Victor has ever seen.

—

in which Victor is a doctor, Yuuri is a godfather, and Yuri just wants some peace and quiet and a larger stash of lollipops.

This was so sweet and funny! I had to take a second while I was reading it from laughing so much honestly!

We Two Boys 11k (wip)

Yuuri talks about his crush on Victor Nikiforov while recording an episode of his and Phichit’s podcast We Two Boys. It’s not a big deal until it Becomes A Big Deal.

An ocean away, Victor falls in luv.

this is so funny omg, I love Phichit and Yuuri’s friendship so much

turntables by @vitavitali​ 4k

It happens approximately one week after Yuuri’s disastrous performance in Sochi.

Viktor Nikiforov @v-nikiforovI wish I could date pretty black haired boys who dance well.

“Ooh, the candidates are already flooding in!” Phichit says with an amused grin.

“Candidates?” Yuuri asks and Phichit helps Yuuri scroll down to read the replies. Most of them are variants of “date me!” with pictures attached. It’s all very interesting.

“You should send one too!” Phichit says and Yuuri doesn’t even bother answering him. “Look, I’ll send one if you send one. It’ll be fun!”

Oh my gosh I remember reading this so long ago, and I found it again a few days ago and I still love it so much

posterboy by @vitavitali​ 1.5k

“I’m going to kill whoever who did this,” Yuuri assured the poster. “I’m going to kill them for you. Don’t worry, baby, I’m going to murder anyone who thought it was a good idea to harm you. They’ll die screaming.”

“What?” came the poster’s startled reply.

“What?” Yuuri parroted back, because posters weren’t supposed to talk, especially not in Viktor Nikiforov’s melodious Russian accented voice.

This is iconique honestly, theyre both so cute!

Rainy Days by  @vitavitali​ 5k

Director’s List Viktor Nikiforov falls in love with bad boy transfer student Katsuki Yuuri. What happens next will warm your heart.

So I kind of binged this authors fics and this one is also amazing!!

There’s still so many fics I want to recommend but I’ve spent like 2 hours on this list and I don’t want it to get too long, so these are the ones that sprang to mind,  happy reading!

[spookyashhelps-blog]

Hi Asher! We are a mature, OC, southern gothic, mystery and town rp, that is both heavily plot driven and equally focused on character development. And we were wondering if you might have the time to give us an opinion/a full review, please? Regardless, thank you for your attention

sorry for the wait on this! life has been crazy and i wanted to wait until i had time to actually devote to this. remember, this is all an opinion and take what i say with a grain of salt! this got hella long and i apologize, i just went through everything.

okay, so first things first, i know that it was a trend to have like super short urls and people felt strongly about this?? idk if that’s still a thing really and i think a lot of people will get the reference to the song and it’s a banger, so i don’t have a problem with it, just something to keep in mind.

now, the theme. i think that the fansite style is fine, i know some people don’t like it for the “aesthetic” but they are generally easier to read and i’m all for accessibility. however, i do feel that it’s a little lackluster? the header is pretty and i like it but it’s a little plain and with a plain theme just kinda makes it meh? i’ve always felt that the theme should be an extension of the plot and i feel like this is such a cool and dark theme that it needs something to match it? so i think you should really change up the color scheme on the blog because the white vs off white with a little bit of green is just too plain for the theme.

i do like your graphics a lot! i am also a slut for that neon sign aesthetic.

okay, for the plot, i love it, but there are just little spelling mistakes and odd phrasing here and there. so, i just bulleted them to make it easier to read.

“So what little read thread of fate ties these two strange souls together?“ I think you meant red here? But also, I think there’s just way too make adjectives in this sentence and it’s too cluttered, making it lose the impact of it. at the bare minimum, i would take red out of there but also if you want to, i’d also get rid of strange. again, it clogs the sentence up but also that’s implying that those souls are odd individually. if you were trying to highlight the fact that things people were very different from each other and they make an odd pairing, i’d change the wording.

“A lung full of water,“ This just reads really awkwardly because lungs are always thought of and work as a pair. the only way someone could have a singular lung filled with water is if one of the lungs were removed, which if that’s a signature of the killer, then cool but it wasn’t clear if that’s the case. 

“drown those he deems to sinful to live” that’s a “too sinful”

“So, please do come and join us!!!“ there’s nothing wrong with this really, and this is a note that i really don’t want to come off as rude so please understand that’s not what i’m trying to do. this is a note more on the admins and how they communicate. the over use of exclamation points, the pet names in the admin posts while addressing the tags and the members, doesn’t have the right vibe for this type of rps. you’re trying to attract an older and more mature audience and that just comes across as unprofessional and a little forces. that’s one of the things i have discovered about trying to get apps and and attention, the more professional and relaxed you are, the better. you can totally have a personality and be friendly and funny, but that’s not the way to go, one exclamation point does the trick. 

okay, the next thing, the navigation page. there are way too many links here, and some of them i just don’t think you need and tbh, i’d move some of them around. it’s an odd thing i noticed, but people are more attracted to shorter before and during application sections and a longer after applying section, idk why. i’m doing bullets again because this got long.

the founding families, victims, the about, and the locations could honestly be moved to the after applying section just because if someone really wants to include this information in their app, they’re gonna look at it regardless, but if i was applying for the group, i’d be a little put off by what feels like work or homework almost. 

since the faq is the ask page on your blog, i feel that’s very unnecessary to have it on the navi page. 

i also feel that having a tag for faq and having an faq on the ask is unnecessary

the character directory and the character navigation are very redundant. i would get rid of one or the other, i know the directory says work in progress and if that’s the reason you also have the navigation, just don’t link to the directory. you never want to make unfinished work accessible 

the wanted connections vs closed connections is also redundant, i have never seen the point of putting up taken connections really, but if you really want to do that, i’d say just make a page for it and call it wanted connections and just have two sections. if you want to advertise the open connections, do so on the promo blog, not on the main

the answered asks link also feels redundant with the faq tag and then on top of the faq on the ask page? i’d say trim that down, it’s just too much. my suggestion would be to get rid of the link to the ask and then get rid of the faq tag and just have the answered link. i also feel that can be down below in the after acceptance.

the banned link for the fcs on the navi is too much. you should link that page in your rules. with just a simple “here are the banned fcs” 

i would put the sample and headcanon prompts on the app just again, to clean up the navi page

i’d put the follow list and the trigger links on the checklist page

blogroll is a bit of an antiquated term, follow list, or to follow, or some variant is more popular

and tbh, since you guys have so much info, which is amazing i really do love it, i’d even maybe make an extras section?? like the ooc list, the inspo blog, maybe even the locations page? things like that just because your navi looks like a way of text and it’s a page of links, it shouldn’t look like that

okay, so the guideline page, alright and apparently i’m just going to be doing a commentary over the whole page then bullet points for specifics and that’s the format we’re going with today. it’s a little long and wall of text-y so maybe either shorten them or break it up into more sections?

that first bit about acceptances, i feel you can delete now since you’ve done your first round of acceptances and that’s no longer needed

okay, so the thing about saying we don’t have set dates for applying is that comes off as very unprofessional and while yes, rp is a hobby, the more professional the admins look, the more people are going to trust the admins to run the rp, the more people are going to be attracted to it, and the more they are going to trust the rp to stick around. just say an apps are going to be accepted and if there is any issue, we will keep you updated

i’d say that they deny applications is longer than it has to be, just saying you have the right to deny applications, and that you are more than welcome to talk to us about why you were denied and reapply

the “ (or skeleton) “ is unnecessary and a little confusing. 48 hours seems long to me but that also maybe because i do mainly appless rps and the usual time for the full app maybe completely different. so, if that’s like around about the usual then ignore this bit, i trust you guys

“(somewhat negotiable)” i’d just say negotiable, but that’s a personal and really nitpicky things so eh

“If found to be instigating the drama, you will have two warnings before you will be removed from the RP. We also want you to know that we, the admins, aren’t perfect and if we are every making you uncomfortable PLEASE DO tell us. That is never our intention, and we will very gladly hear your concerns and fix our own mistakes.” that’s two different bullet points right there

now, some people really like discord chats, and some don’t. the thing that i have discovered is that people who don’t have discord or don’t want to join for whatever reason often feel very left out and often leave the rp, this is coming from rps that i have admined myself. so, i’d either get rid of it altogether or make it a requirement that you have discord just so you don’t have that problem

i do get that with these rps where longer threads are more expected the norm, i still feel that 7 days of inactivity plus 48 hours is a bit too long because that’s nine days that someone can go without posting before you have seen that they left, but also, having way too tight activity isn’t good either. i’d say a week without posting or letting you guys know is fair. however you want to divide that out, whether it’s five days plus 48 hours of warning or 6 days with 24 hours warning, i think it’s half a dozen and six of the other 

2 months is a very long time for a hiatus and i think it should be cut down by half tbh, because at 2 months, that’s just reserving a character or an fc, i would do baseline of a month and then go case by case for anything longer

The bit about wanting people to let you know they’re leaving is unnecessary. sure, it’s nice to get a heads up, but people are going to do what they do and since they’re leaving, there’s really no disciplinary action to take against that. The reapplying thing is fine though.

as i said, the banned fcs should just be a link to the page because that makes it look neater and it’s less redundant and confusing

you don’t need that diversity bit, it’s clear that you guys feel strongly about it, and that’s not really a rule, so it doesn’t quite belong on the page, unless you want to use that as the segway to talk about the skeletons or you could add a rule that for every “x” amount of white fcs you have, you must have a faceclaim of color or for every “x” amount of under 25 (or whatever you want the age to be) you must have an fc above said age limit

waiting a month to pick up more characters is a little extra? i understand that you can have 3 characters right off the bat and that’s usually as many as people play but it still seems way too long

i guess i don’t understand why you want people to have a para going on and it’s not even a hard fast rule so? i think it’s slightly odd to have in there, but if you really want that in there i’d change it to something a lot shorter like “we’d love to see you guys have a variety of styles of threads, but it’s not a requirement” has the same effect, just said a lot quicker

i don’t think the XV section is necessary at all, i think almost everyone knows that and if they don’t, then that’s something to explain to them one on one because that is going to happen so little 

the cutting posts thing is too long, that can be written in less words and for mobile rp, i’ve found that just having them tag it and having the partners do the cutting is fine and works great

i haven’t seen gray boxes in a 79 years, i don’t think they’re a problem anymore tbh??

you guys are getting way too specific with the dimensions of the gifs, just say small to medium. a note on that, is that 80 px is becoming the new norm so for those new fcs who have popped up recently, they might not have 100px resources so they might not be underused but it’s going to be a needle in the haystack search with little to no results to find 100px resources, so it just seems a little much to me. maybe just saying it’s a strong preference would be better

for the triggers, i’d just say, make sure that you add that onto your app so we can add it to the trigger list

the whole bit on what to do with triggers is again, very verbose, you can cut that down to something a lot shorter

also, i wouldn’t use finally, but if you are, make sure it’s on the last rule

i’d rearrange the last section tbh, because it’s a little all over the place so grouping them together by their subcategories would read better

i love the family page, think it’s great! love the diversity too!

the victim page is great too, but i would just add fcs for all of them since their families are playable.

the about for the town is incredible too

locations page is great too, but the phil’s watches and clocks graphic is broken

the only thing on the faq page that i can see is the bit about mock blogs seems like you heavily favor people who do mock blogs over those who don’t so i would change that wording completely

i already said my bit about the directory but i cannot stress enough that putting up works in progress just isn’t the greatest look and thing to do, but i do freaking love what i see with the page, i just wish the first time i saw it, it was complete

okay, so the banned list, i have some thoughts on it

so the fact that you have the exception of allowing more diverse fcs for the large number of groups you have banned makes it not problematic but

idk, i just find that type of banning a huge turn off for me and i know quite a few people feel that way too just because it kind of makes it about the fcs and the resources when it should be based on writing, which i can tell you guys are trying to promote, so idk, i’ve always felt that it creates a cognitive dissonance when groups ban that many groups of people

for example, i have a character that i absolutely love that he might actually work in this rp, but his fc is automatically banned and i’m very attached to his fc as his fc for him, so those really stiff blanket bans can loose you apps

as for the specific people, it’s kind of a long list. now, if those people are all on there because the muns have personal issues with them, great, case closed. however, if those are because they did one thing and you’re doing it because tumblr said they were bad people, but you don’t have a personal issue with them, then like, that could also loose you apps you know? but as i said, if those people are on their because of personal experiences/triggers, then it’s perf

the app is great, but i have a few comments

i can understand why you want to know how people found you, but it is a little odd, i’d suggest make that an optional thing

the understanding bit is a bit outdated of a concept, like it’s better than a password, but it’s still outdated

i’d completely reword the interrogation explanation paragraph because it’s just way too long and over explains it to the point it starts getting confusing

either the link to the accepted tag is either broken or the tag is empty

as far as the checklist goes, i would move the requirements for the blog to the rules page

and that’s the end of this opinion/review! in summary, i think it’s a great rp with lots of potential just a few things to tighten up. i think the things you should focus on is the theme, do things to make it have an aesthetic that reflects the plot and mood of your rp, work on the professionalism things i mentioned, and cut down on how wordy things are, things often get over-explained that sometimes it gets even more confusing and no one likes things over-explained to them. i wish you guys the best of luck!

[mysteriescomeinthrees]

EPISODE 2: Hurricane Jordan Pines is coming - Jordan Pines

girl what the actual fuck was that like.... Eve was ROBBED ok. Absolutely positively robbed! *Sighs* ok here we go Episode 2: Not All Fear Is The Same https://voca.ro/13U2UMQI90Qm

So we lost the puzzle challenge, and I’m so fucking conflicted because we kinda lost due to Coulee’s mistake which gave us penalty points. So I’m caught in this mindset of not wanting Coulee to be punished for that because it was an honest mistake but I also don’t feel good about someone else going home when it was that mistake that made us lose in the first place if that makes sense it just wouldn’t be fair, also I’m working with Coulee because we wanted to avenge Eve and kick ass and this genuinely is just such a bummer. Also y’all I don’t think you understand how like complicated this is because of the trio twist. Because every decision you make and everything you say can reflect on your trio in some aspect. You say something that rubs someone the wrong way it could go back to your trio and fuck one of them over the next time anyone of them isn’t safe. 

ok here’s plan: I will say I got a medallion if asked about the bay and THATS IT. I’m taking all advantages with me and I ain’t telling a soul, not even my trio. Cause these girls talk too much. Then Imma get the tea from Andrew and see what’s happening on green. And then I’m gonna size up the other two groups to see who’s ready for war on Ozarks. Streets say Jabari is still in the sunken place and is still being loyal to Henry but that’s ok. That just means there’s an opening and I’m looking for recruits- any takers 😏

So we of course didnt try our best but it didnt matter thanks to my advantage. On the offside that could mean that eve or another ally could be in dnager, I have made friends with jinx and henry right away and am trying to win my tribe over despite the whole amount of issues roxy brings. I love her to death but she made enemies way too early in the game especially in the way this game is formatted. only the the social survive 👑

Coulee is in danger for really messing up the challenge and even though normally that would be a plausible way to go I can't afford this like literally I worked to hard ve doing this all by myself and alone. Currently I'm doing everything in my power to make sure coulee stays and we get another day.

going back to my my montenegro roots and submitting one sentence confessionals as a bare minimum. anyways eve baby you will be avenged white women are wild

  also if coulee goes home today truly y'all are gonna see a bitch on a war path.

if i decide to wake up.

I feel like I’m gonna get first boot on my tribe after the stunt that Sarah pulled cause she voted out Eve whom is jabaris friend, whom is my tight tight ally on this tribe. But we won the challenge so it’s fine. I got a vote expose advantage last cycle I forgot to mention! Roxy has told me that Sarah and bodhi are her nemises and those are like my two closest allies and she knows that like wtf.

I 1000% tell Andrew too much and it's 100% because I'm just used to talking to him in my host chat This was way less of an issue with Asya and Isaac when I played with them because they only hosted me once and weren't super interactive If Andrew doesn't fuck me over then they've 100% joined the list of people that I will always work with in an org Sarah has already made that list because I am a dumby Pretty blonde girl said "Call me daddy spice" and I said "Yes pls" Wait if Andrew joins that list then literally half of that list is in this game That would be insane there's no way Andrew is gonna join the list then I'd be stuck with another atomic situation where bodhi and Ali didn't get along and I asked to be voted out partially so I didn't have to pick sides WHAT IF I HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SARAH AND BODHI I WILL SIMPLY DIE

I have 5 min to submit this hehe so here’s some random shit Literally eve was SO PUSHED sarah RESPOND to me pls omg you just got 5 votes last tribal and I wanna change that and be allies but you gotta respond PLS Andrew is an angel hello? Love him so much and they’re so sweet to talk to and we’re so far always on the same page? LOVE Autumn is literally a bestie but we already knew that didn’t we! Cindi also a bestie omg literally I hope we don’t go to tribal because I could see it being either Cindi or sarah that goes and Cindi going would NOT be it for me

Hello, this is a mandatory confessional. I am feeling decently on my tribe as I have been playing my social connections to try to start relationships. I have my eyes set on kai a bit at the moment as someone who I want out sooner rather than later, nothing against kai, like he seems like a very cool person who I definitly get along with, but his trio scares me in this game as a big agent of the unknown and I would rather not have to deal with their gameplay in the later parts of this. I feel pretty shitty tbh cause coulee is someone I like a lot and could definitly see a game relationship being strong but she fucked up hard in the challenge and no one is willing to budge on the issue. Let it be stated here first, i tried to get it to be kai but people said jordan pines no thank you. So im gonna hold my trigger finger on kai a little longer and buddy up to him some more so hes not sus of my actions. but mark it down if the joyita boat goes to council again I will drown his ass because hurricane jordan pines is coming and people best be putting on some life jackets or they are going down.

joyita wins immunity all six of us are final three ☺️😔☺️😔

Safe again!! I have been in limbo because I’ve been at school and training…hopefully it stays this way though?? I’m worried about Carson tonight and Sarah’s idol play really put 101 in the spotlight. But if Carson votes out Kai- they may just keep losing 

Fuck working full time I’m at work rn LOL but uhm we won immunity i wanna kiss jinx on the mouth I will die for jinx and roxy said she wants to work w me bc I gave roxy permissions to spam me more to come at *checks watch* idk when I get off work ig 

The game is progressing 

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1125554073

[coffee-for-himchan]

No Answer (Jongup x reader)

Requested by: @thevisionandthescarletwitch12 (Thanks!! ❤)

Word count: 4.9 k+

Genre/warnings: fluff ❤

Summary: Receiving a mysterious message from an unknown number seemed rather intriguing, but it became even more interesting when Jongup found no time to respond, and later witnessed how the person typing figured the number had no owner, and turned the chat into a personal diary to lighten the burdens of everyday life. He found himself more and more invested into reading those texts, making it a daily thing, and had a hard time not to respond. Why not? Because that would be weird. He’d been quietly reading messages for weeks already, without leaving any answer. And leaving one now seemed inappropriate. He’d missed his chance, and all he could do now was continue reading, or so he thought at first.

He looked down at the phone in his hands, staring in mild confusion to whether he should respond or not.

I found your number accidentally. Who are you? [17:28]

Accidentally? Junhong called for him to come and join practice again, so he threw another insignificant look to the phone and shoved it back into his pocket, hoping it wouldn’t fall out mid-song like the few other times it did after his rapid spins and turns all through the choreo. With lazy yet graceful movements, he was back in formation, and took only another moment to consider the possibilities of how his number ended up in a stranger’s hands before starting practice.

And then suddenly it hit him hard.

“Jongup-ah, what are you doing!?” Himchan crashed into him, and only then he realized he’d stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of a dance break.

“I’m thinking.”

“Can’t you move and think at the same time?!” Junhong, perhaps, called out while chuckling, but Jongup wasn’t sure - he didn’t really catch onto the speaker’s identity. He had realized a significant detail from sometime last week that could stick to the puzzle, and needed a minute to consider how stupid his assumptions were.

“I ain’t a multitasker,” he said, and with that, was gone with the wind, wandering out of the room to lean against the wall of the hallway.

“I found your number accidentally. Who are you?”

He was Moon Jongup, if he wasn’t mistaken. And he was also a guy who was close to blackout drunk last week, stumbling along the streets with a few old friends only he knew, making small, insignificant mistakes along the way and laughing tons meanwhile as well.

It was stupid, actually. But he figured he wasn’t the brghtest in the head anyways.

“Let’s see who’ll find it,” his friend giggled, scrapping a few digits on pieces of paper, and happily letting them sail away in the rather strong wind while standing in a place you could see the whole city from. He recalled being beyond happy and giggly about this idea, supporting it fully with his other two friends in their drunken states.

“Might get yourself a date like that.”

Or trouble, he figured. But he figured too late, as it’s been a week, and he had finally gotten a “lucky” message. He also wondered if any of the other guys did.

“Stop being a weirdo and come back in. Thinking time is over,” Youngjae presented himself well in the same old sarcastic fashion, leaning out of the doorway and trying to get Jongup back in so they could finally be finished for the day. And, understanding he’d better obey and put everyone’s tired minds out of their misery, he joined them again, pouring sweat and panting lightly for another half an hour before finally departing from the rest and going his own way.

Not that the text was of no significance, not at all. Jongup simply had a different mindset, and was someone to forget things easily. And half an hour of dancing was enough for him to forget completely about all that had happened, and also forget to answer. Hell, he didn’t even care to respond to his hyung’s messages sometimes, so this was simply something he wasn’t that good at. Texting.

He only recalled it when it was too late and inappropriate to respond.

“Should I?” he contemplated, sneaking around the dorm’s kitchen and making hot chocolate at 2 AM, clearly knowing sleep wasn’t his priority but a nice, warm chocolatey drink was. Sleep was Himchan and Youngjae’s priority though, and “nagging mom” and “sarcasm ball” weren’t the ones he wanted to disturb from sleeping peacefully. This was his chance to get some nice, peaceful alone time.

“I’m Moon Jongup.” Would that be.. Appropriate?

It probably wouldn’t. He figured he still was an idol, and even though he thought there were slim chances the person texting him could possibly know who he was, he still hesitated. If he’d ask anyone from the company, they’d tell him off immediately. And possibly even call him stupid, telling him to be cautious with whom he gives his number to.

So scrapping the thought, he quietly sneaked back to his room to do some 2 AM internet browsing. It’s not like he had to respond anyways, but curiosity killed him to know who was on the other end of the line. He figured he’d think of something, and eventually would respond. But later.

Later turned out to be never.

He wasn’t of fault for being a busy man with a short memory and attention span. He already got dragged from schedule to schedule by Himchan, basically serving him as an accessory or handbag, because otherwise he wouldn’t remember to come and would wander off to be present somewhere else. If he couldn’t remember all of that, how could he remember about a mysterious text?

Does this number even belong to anyone? [22:34]

When he saw the message though, he recalled. It had been about a week already, and he figured he was still curious. Yet his fingers stopped him from typing when he saw the three animated dots, indicating something more was being typed on the other end, and would soon pop up on the screen.

Well.. I guess it doesn’t. [22:56]

He chuckled. He was just as quick to make assumptions as the person typing, and for some reason, that was intriguing. First thing in common, and it had been three lone texts. This could actually evolve to be interesting.

Today was an awful day, by the way. [22:57]

He leaned back, looking at the stream of messages that followed. One every other minute, being a detailed explanation of a rather bad day. Troubles at work and with studies. Misunderstandings with friends and even family. God, he really found himself feeling sorry for whoever it was that managed to have such an unfortunate day.

But once again, as he wanted to type, he realized he was unable to do it. Wouldn’t that be creepy? Now, after all this whole heartfelt and emotional storytelling, all of a sudden he would say something really out of place. “Hey, this number indeed has an owner”, “Cool story, but quite sad tbh. Are you alright?” - all the potential responses seemed rather dumb to him. The worst one by far being “Hey, so, I was just sitting and reading, but figured I wanted to talk to you actually. I’m Jongup.”

This helps, actually. [23:31]

He heard the swooping sound, and glanced back to the device, tracing his fingers ever so lightly over the screen. What helped? Typing out things that bothered? Maybe, and right as he figured he understood, he got the response.

It’s crazy, but it helps a little. I’ll call you my new, non-existent friend, number without owner. And maybe I’ll message you. [23:33]

He was quite existent, actually, and he was more than curious to how this could unfold. He thought it was interesting, maybe even cute. And a little creepy, but.. Did anyone have to know? Not really. So he convinced himself it was fine, and he let it happen.

“See ya, new friend,” he chuckled with a smile, and put his phone down, wandering out of his room too meet with needy hyungs who had been calling him for a while already. He swore, if he’d hear the phrase “Jongup-ah, bring me my phone! I don’t know where it is though, but find it!” one more time, he’d move out.

It was days and days of simple, diary-like texting, and he once found himself looking back on the stream of messages, figuring it had been weeks already. Maybe even a month, actually. But he didn’t mind. In fact, after an insignificant amount of time had passed, he had gotten used to it, and couldn’t picture his life without an occasional message every here and there anymore. It had become part of the daily routine.

Her name was (Y/N), so much he knew, and she was the sweetest yet most problematic person he’d ever met. Well, “met” only technically. He hadn’t met her in real life, but he still felt like he knew a bunch about her in a.. non-creepy way. This really didn’t feel creepy to him. It just felt strange. Or rather unusual.

Aaand I do not know how to manage now. I’ve got a week left, and still 30 pages to write. Too bad I didn’t start writing earlier. [19:44]

But I’m a stupid mess, so I’m allowed to make mistakes. [19:44]

He chuckled at the familiar sentence, knowing he’d used it on himself thousands of times. But he also knew that when it came to her, she was far from being stupid. Her conversations with this non-existent friend in the form of a phone number she thought belonged to no one, but in reality was his, made her seem like a lovely, kind, but over all intelligent person. And he found himself lying in bed and smiling at his phone like an idiot.

“You’ll do great,” he quietly said to himself, surprised at how truly he wanted her to succeed, “Because you’ve been studying hard for ages. More than I’ve ever studied all together, to be honest.”

And the more time passed, the more he understood how much he truly cared.

He cared every evening he lied in bed and watched the message streams coming by. He traced his fingers over the phone screen, and desperately wanted to respond. He weirdly found himself hurting every time she had a hard time, and simply wanted to go and do something about it. He didn’t even know who she truly was, or how she looked or anything. Yet this diary-type conversation she typed out to no one but herself every evening made him believe he knew enough to find a liking in her. She was funny and her personality was overall cute. She had a heart big enough to fit the whole world into it, and sometimes he imagined he could find a place there as well. He wanted to get to know her actually, because he thought she was interesting. Yet every time he was about to type something, he froze dead in his tracks.

After all this time, it would be weird to respond. And he didn’t want to weird her out or scare her away. He simply wanted to actually meet her and get to know her.

“What are you grinning about?” Youngjae asked one morning, catching Jongup completely off-guard and making him realize how he once again was staring at the phone and chuckling about seemingly nothing.

“Yeah. Something’s been off for a while already,” Himchan called from behind the stove, walking around with two plates in hand a second later and handing one to Youngjae, “You’re never really abandoning your cereal for anything.”

“Spit it out,” Youngjae budged, and when Himchan had made his way around the breakfast bar and sat across the latter two, it felt like it was maybe time to say something. But right as Jongup opened his mouth to talk, Youngjae frantically interrupted. 

“Not the cereal, by the way - don’t spit that out, keep that in your mouth or in the bowl, will ya? I’m talking about the reason you’d been grinning like a madman at mysterious stuff in your phone for weeks.”

“So.. This might sound weird..”

“Like everything else involving you. Nothing new,” Youngjae cheekily remarked, leaning on his hand and choking on his food just a second later because he was too focused on talking and didn’t care to properly chew his food.

“That’s what you get Youngjae-ah for interrupting your friend and challenging the universe,” Himchan remarked, chuckling lightly and turning to face Jongup, “Continue. I’m curious.”

And he told the whole story. About the on-paper phone numbers thrown from a high point in the city, and how he actually received a message after some time. And the weird further events, where the girl on the other end of the line supposed the number belonged to no one, and never stopped typing, gifting him with a diary of her biggest issues and the brightest moments of her life.

“And so you simply keep sitting around and reading everything she types?”

“Yeah, kind of-”

“What a creep,” Youngjae laughed out, making Jongup feel generally ashamed about the whole situation.

“Yeah, I have to admit, it is a little creepy. But at the same time, it’s so absurd, yet.. I don’t know how to say. Somewhat beautiful?”

“In which way, hyung?” Youngjae laughed at Himchan, yet kind of understood his point.

“I don’t know, think about it. He knows so much about her, and she doesn’t even know he exists. Okay, that indeed sounds bad, but let me turn it around. I can imagine it already.”

“A cold winter night,” he extended his arms to both sides, making the youngers laugh at his theatrical, dramatical stare that was directed into the distance, “Don’t laugh, just picture it. A stormy night, and she’s walking home alone. Left to be completely lonely by everyone but the howling, harsh wind-”

“You should do acting, hyung,” Younjae kept laughing, cracking up even more after the casual response of “I know, right?”

“And he emerges from the shadows - our Jongup-ah. The hero of the night, who approaches and lovingly tells her all. ”(Y/N), come with me, and everything will be alright,“ he will say, and she won’t have time to question, because in her pain and despair, he will be her only light. So she will put her hand in his and they will run off into the sunset-”

“You mean sunrise. It was already nighttime in your setting of the story.”

“Yes. Pardon,” he announced, his pronunciation almost on point, “The sunrise. But you get the idea.”

“Oh stop it, hyung,” both of them turned to face a rather embarrassed and blushing Jongup, “That’s never gonna happen.”

“Don’t try to tell me you’ve never thought about it,” Youngjae kept teasing.

“I feel like we’re gossip girls or something right now, talking about this the way we do,” Himchan chuckled lightly, and hit the back of Youngjae’s head playfully, getting up from his spot, “Okay, as always. I cook, you wash up.”

“But hyuuuuung.”

“You can always eat cereal like Jongup-ah instead, if you’re not satisfied with this distribution of duties,” Himchan called from somewhere far away, making Youngjae pout one more time before he got up to do as told, “Although, then you’d have to wash up as well. So it’s a no-win situation for you.”

Jongup stayed in place, glancing at the phone one more time as he heard the familiar, at this point already exciting swooping sound.

And now I missed breakfast, all because of that other research paper that I managed to wrap up only earlier this morning. But maybe it’s even convenient. I guess I’d need to go on a diet anyways. [08:51]

She didn’t, he was certain. She sounded like someone who would constantly criticize no one but herself, and one day he will come up to her and tell her to cut it. Take her out and eat cupcakes or something, and tell her how lovely she was at heart, and at face as well. He was convinced she was beautiful, because everyone who was this beautiful at heart had to be beautiful on the outside as well.

And beauty wasn’t measurable by the size of the waist anyways, right?

Time kept passing, and he kept sitting around and reading. From time to time either Himchan or Youngjae would budge him about it, and poke at him, telling him he had to do something in return. But he only ever answered that he wasn’t good at holding conversation, and rather wanted to simply stay and read.

“Don’t let it slide,” they’d say, but he was hard to convince to act in any way that would reveal himself and who he was. But that didn't mean he didn’t try to communicate with her in other, different ways. 

She’d had flowers delivered to her university, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as they were handed to her and a dozen of jealous girls threw all types of glances her way. Yet she never found out where those flowers came from, since there was no sender’s name left behind. Only a note with neat handwriting on it, saying “non-existent friend”, and she couldn’t quite tie her mind around it. Little surprises continued to await her at every corner - even at a place like her favorite coffee shop - and she found herself wondering who had been kind and generous enough to gift her with all of it. And who even knew enough about her to get something such ad her favorite flowers or chocolates  or anything else right.

It all silently continued on the same way, until a particular evening when he found himself lying on his bed again, waiting for the message stream, yet nothing came up. And he was left alone, without company in the evening or any clue of what had happened to her.

He told himself it was nothing at first. She was away somewhere. Out with family, perhaps? Or maybe friend? Although he knew she lived rather far from family, and had only few friends. He was laying around, waiting, and eventually he fell asleep like that, just to wake up the next morning and find nothing but Instagram notifications and cat videos sent to him by Himchan.

Nothing from her. Not even a single message. And as this continued every evening from then on, he became convinced she was gone. Probably forever.

It bothered him. Had something happened, or was she simply busy? She was always busy, or so she stated, yet somehow she was always able to find time for typing. But not in the past weeks, as he was met with total and utter silence from her end of the line, ans finally understood how she must’ve been feeling about this whole thing. 

Receiving nothing. It indeed was horrible. And maybe if he would’ve revealed himself to her, she would’ve still been a part of his life.

Only now he figured how truly.. alone he was without her company. It all seemed unreal and unusual, yet he had found peace and comfort in her stories. Her life differed from his significantly, and he figured he was quite interested in her daily life and the things she did. He found it to be a little vacation for his mind for when it was tired of running circles, as reading her stories was always like a little treat of the day. That is, until it all disappeared.

And reappeared after what seemed almost a month already. Or rather eternity, judging by his point of view and perception of time.

I can’t do it anymore. [00:01]

The lone message scared him, and as another long-gone and much missed message stream started blowing up his phone, he sat tight and read carefully, not to miss a single detail.

And then he realized she was crying out for help. To no one but an empty space.

It hurts. Everything does, and I wish it would’ve went down another way. [00:02]

She was talking about her family situation, her studies, relationships and everything else. Everything had seemingly crumbled at this one moment, and he was genuinely worried about her. He only barely knew how it was to feel down and be alone at those moments, since he was usually used to having someone around to help. And he figured this would be a long, boring night for him anyways if he decided to let i slide. Even if this was a mistake, he wasn’t the brightest in the head, so he was allowed to make mistakes every now and then.

I swear, this is the only nice place left in Seoul. I seem to hate everything else at this point already. [00:04]

He glanced at the few further words, trying to recall the location she named and eventually being able to do so. The city was beyond big, but this place she was at wasn’t far away, and that was by far the luckiest coincidence of the week, or maybe even the whole month. And since life had been nice to him and he had been gifted with a location, he simply got up, put his shoes and coat on and headed for the door.

“It’s late, Jongup-ah. Where are you leaving to?”

He turned a little to face Himchan who had just stumbled out of the living room at the wrong time, his “I was napping just a second ago” face going strong. Jongup simply threw him a barely-there smile, and stepped out of the apartment, closing the door behind himself lightly and leaving Himchan alone and confused in the dimly lit hallway.

“To meet a friend.”

It was surprisingly easy to find her, as there was only one person around, and he lingered a little longer as he saw an unfamiliar frame in the place she should’ve been at. He simply feared to be called a creep and get into trouble for it all.

“(Y/N)?”

He saw her turning slowly, throwing him a puzzled glance as she tried to process. And he had to admit that he needed a moment to process as well.

He had imagined her to be beautiful, but this view in front of him was better than any of the images his imagination had created on it’s own with only knowing mere facts she’d slipped in conversation. Her hair fell beautifully, lightly covering her face and her soft features that got highlighted by the street lights to make it even more graceful. Her brows slightly furrowed in confusion as she looked at the rather lost, young man in front of her. And the way she tried to remember who he was, but found herself to be clueless.

“Sorry if I sound rude, but.. I can’t quite recall you,” she quietly said, and only now he noticed she’d been crying.

“Who are you?”

Instead of getting a reply, she saw him shyly fiddling around his pockets to pull out his phone. And with a few taps, swipes and no additional conversation or explanations, his hands extended towards hers, offering her to take the phone.

And she did, not questioning and simply looking down on his hands, her fingers sliding lightly over his as she took the device and threw it a glance.

He inspected her face, and wondered what would happen. A feeling of uneasiness had spread all across his gut, and he simply waited for her verdict. For anything really, as he saw a little crease forming between her eyebrows, indicating she had understood what she was looking at.

“These are my messages..” she quietly muttered, observing the screen with extra care as realization suddenly hit like a train and she stared back at him with a puzzled look.

“I thought that number was…”

“Abandoned? Yeah, not really,” he scratched the back of his head looking away in embarrassment.

He watched her from the corners of his eyes though, and saw she was clueless on what to say and what to do next. He didn’t blame her at all - he was quite puzzled himself in theses types of situations, this one being an extremely unusual case. But at least she hadn’t ran away from him yet, which was somewhat comforting.. Right?

“I’m.. I’m sorry for never giving you a response,” he looked back at her with an unsure glance, yet found comfort in the way she simply listened, without interrupting or anything. He was a stranger, but she could see through him with her beautiful, intelligent eyes, and knew he meant no harm and was nervous, having troubles at explaining himself. So she simply listened.

“I wanted to. But I had schedules..” he looked somewhere away, snapping back and clarifying after a moment, “Working schedules, that is.”

“And I kind of forgot. Until the evening you started typing a whole stream of messages.. My phone kept buzzing, and I read it all, wanting to type something in return. But then I felt.. I don’t know.. Quite ashamed, or maybe even awkward to respond? You had poured your whole heart out there, and it would’ve been stupid to just type back something like “Yeah, nice story. I’m Jongup, by the way, and not a non-existent friend-”

“Non-existent friend..” he saw her recognizing the name, and felt rather stupid for having said that. Looks like she had a rather good memory, and it had just been sparked to recall all the little things he had treated her with.

“Are you behind all of the small surprises?” a mix or utter surprise and shock alongside mild happiness was displayed on her face, and he simply wanted to hide away as he felt his cheeks turning a bright shade or red.

“Well, kind of..”

“This is so.. unbelievably absurd,” he heard her chuckling, and suddenly felt the strong desire to wrap this whole explanation up for once and forever, sparing himself the painful mild awkwardness.

“Listen,” his hand unconsciously reached for hers, and she mildly flinched, yet didn’t pull away as she saw he was too far away from this world to react properly anyways, “I know it sounds creepy, but every time you were typing something, I was sitting on the other end of the line and reading. I found out a lot about you that way, and.. Figured you’re such a nice person. I really like you, actually, and all these issues you have to face all the time that constantly keep bringing you down aren’t worth it.”

“You’re so kind and so nice, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” he was looking right into her eyes, making her blush as he spoke shamelessly, pouring everything out of his heart, saying the truth when it need to be said, “And since you’d been having a hard time, I figured I could brighten it at least somehow.. I mean, you sounded happy about the flowers and everything, so I just continued doing it..”

“And why did you never tell me you were there, reading it all?” she said, and he suddenly glanced at their intertwined hands, pulling his away shyly and causing her to chuckle lightly.

“I was, I don’t know.. Anxious to come off weird. Or scare you away.”

“Scare me away?” she suddenly giggled, and he felt how she pinched his cheek a littleonly seconds later, “You’re cute and not scary.”

“Well.. Y-you wouldn’t be able to know that if I’m b-behind a phone screen..” he found himself stuttering at her braveness and the way she wasn’t ashamed to do what she desired, “But yeah, I’m not scary. Just a regular guy, making bad decisions and good mistakes.”

“Good mistakes?” she questioned, starting to walk off. He felt a light tug to his sleeve before her fingers disconnected from his coat, and took it as an indicator that she wanted him to come along as well.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets and following closely, “We were out with friends that night, feeling quite tipsy. Thought it would be funny to write our numbers on paper and let them sail with the wind to see if someone would find them and contact us afterwards. So, like a "message in a bottle” type of thing, just less well thought-out and exciting.“

"Sounds like fun-”

“I’m not an alcoholic, by the way. That was just an occasional drink,” she laughed out loud at that, seeing how he wanted to come off as truly nice to her and wanted to leave a good first impression desperately, and simply nodded in agreement.

“J-jongup, right?”

“Yes. I’m Moon Jongup.”

“That’s a cute name, actually.”

“Thank you. Your’s better though.”

And they walked the night away, silently chuckling as the moon shone above their heads, highlighting the shadows their frames cast on the pavement in the most beautiful ways. He was glad she didn’t think of him as a complete weirdo, and found himself liking her a lot, actually. The mere sight of her picture perfect features had him mesmerized, and he scolded himself for behaving like an animal when his mouth started slightly watering at the sight of her nicely shaped lips moving and causing beautiful sounds to come out of her mouth that unconsciously crawled right through his ears, but refused to leave his mind completely once they had gotten in.

He’d indeed imagined her to be amazing. But this had topped all expectations.

And by the end of the night, he was sure - this weird and fuzzy feeling he felt at the pit of his stomach was indeed attraction. Attraction towards someone who was far from being a stranger to him, even though he was a stranger to her.

“And how comes you found me today?”

He turned to her, knowing she’d just said she had to get going and would be away in minutes, and smiled his brightest smile, causing her to melt a little at how genuinely mood lifting his smile happened to be.

“You typed where you were. And after I’d read about all of your troubles.. You know, I didn’t want you to feel alone..”

“I most definitely didn’t tonight,” she said, and with that, walked up to give him an embrace that lasted way too little.

“It’s weird, but I like it,” she whispered, face buried in his coat, and was gone within seconds, leaving him to stand alone and process all that had happened.

“Please, respond from now on.. Existent friend,” he heard her voice rather faintly in the distance, and answered too silent for her to hear, rather saying it to himself.

“I sure will.”

And he did now every now and them, smiling as she encouraged him to tell her more about himself, since he knew all he needed to know about her for the start, but she was clueless on many things regarding him. The tiny surprises never stopped, and neither did her gratefulness for them. Late night walks had become a regular thing, and even thought Youngjae and Himchan’s teasing could become close to unbearable at times, he knew his never-ending indefinite suffering was worth it.

He wasn’t just attracted to her. He really, really liked her, and since a thing he didn’t like was waiting around for too long, he decided to let her know just after a month of actually being acquainted, using another bouquet of flowers to send a message instead having to type it out.

She looked at the neat handwriting on the card, and smiled down on it.

“Who keeps sending you all these flowers?” a friend of hers asked, and she simply laughed in return.

“Someone I really like,” she traced her fingers over the location written on the note, and looked at her friend, “Someone who has become the most beautiful coincidence in my life so far.”

And as she came by to meet him that evening, dressed to impress in her prettiest clothes even though her personality alone already made his heart skip a beat, he didn’t greet her with a “hello”, with a wave of his hand or a hug that lasted a little too long to be considered simply friendly appropriate. He greeted her with a question that mattered to him instead.

“Can I kiss you?”

And all she could do was give him a shy nod before she felt his frame pressing against hers lightly, his arms wrapping around her tightly as he leaned in and lingered before her lips for a little, cautiously pecking them once a second later.

But once was far from being enough, and soon she found her hands trailing to rest on his cheeks, tracing circles in a relaxing and calm fashion as she felt herself being lifted up to heaven. Her feet did in fact disconnect from the ground a little as he pulled her up, leaving her to barely reach the ground on her tippy toes as he supported all of her weight on his bare arms. Yet that was of no importance as he was giving her kiss after kiss, going at a soft, slow pace, making sure it was comfortable and pleasurable beyond anything else. But he had to admit that he was faced with a hard time when holding her like that. The mere touch of her lips had already made his knees weak, and he had to use all his strength not to fall apart and collapse right there and then. Who knew she was this damn intoxicating and addicting?

“You look stunning,” he complimented as he pulled away, and she chuckled, hiding her face in the crook of his neck immediately.

“I’m blushing already, Jongup-ah. Don’t. I’m not used to this.”

“I will continue nonetheless, sorry not sorry. From now on even more, since you have to get used to it. That’s how it’s going to be now.”

And as they walked off that night, with the stars once again shining bright above them and lighting the way, she was glad about all that had happened. With his fingers tangled in between hers, and his calming voice throwing out savage or sometimes simply adorable commentary, there was nothing more she could ever wish for. She knew there were still a thousand different things she didn’t know about him, yet that didn’t bother her, as she believed she’d find out along the way. And she knew it was all unusually absurd, but couldn’t help but take his sudden presence in her life as a sing.

She glanced up at him and made him throw her a questioning look.

“Want to say something?” he questioned, and saw her considering, just to nod afterwards, “You’ve got my whole attention. I’m listening.”

“Thank you for never telling me off and reading through all my babbling,” she blurted out, and made him smile, “And thank you for caring for me, and eventually coming to check on me back then. I..”

“..you?” he chuckled after the little pause she’d made, as he wanted to know the continuing from the depths of his heart.

“I like you a lot, Jongup-ah. And I’m so grateful to have met you.”

And that’s all he’d been wanting to hear for a while, so he smiled in return, and, just because he could, leaned down to press another quick, loving peck on her lips, leaving her to let out a soft sound of disapproval as his lips disconnected from hers a little too soon.

“I like you too, (Y/N). You’re the best coincidence that had ever happened to me,” he chuckled, and wrapped his arms around her, figuring she should get all she ever wanted. Which, in this case, was a dose of him. And he was more than ready to offer it all to her, leaning back down to seal the unnecessary gap between himself and her with yet another kiss that displayed it all.

He was beyond grateful. And he truly wanted to try this out and stay with her.

[dieuleveut]

January 22nd, 2018

Hooty hoo. We had unprotected sex, and he’s admitted that he’s in love with me.

It’s almost wild how parallel he is to Matt, or maybe I’m just under the ex bias. Where you’re still not quite over your ex, because everything about the new guy reminds you of the last guy. But I don’t think that’s it.

On Friday, we had a triple threat date. We got coffee at Leaves ‘n Beans and it was a nice, cute chat. A few awkward silences here and there but nothing major we could fault ourselves for. The Peoria Tower was within our view and he suggested that we go walk up there and check out the view. We left the coffee shop around 5:30pm. When he picked me up an hour earlier, I decided not to bring a coat since it wasn’t that cold. But now a brisk wind had picked up. He noticed and asked if I wanted to borrow his jacket. Kindly (proudly), I refused. It wasn’t that cold. The tower was closed, so we just ended up walking to our next date spot: Cayenne. It was a niche little Mexican fusion restaurant. Lots of great decor and overall a fantastic ambiance. Again, conversation was nice and cute. He’s got a dangerously infectious smile.

Afterwards, we drove through the Peoria Heights, looked at some nice buildings. I’m trying to show off my House Hunter skills and describe what certain house styles are. He doesn’t know what a Victorian house looks like, and I’m thinking “how do you not? It’s such an eye sore lmao.”

We drove to Family Video, rented The Omen. We get to my apartment. The movie doesn’t work. We make out. After some strong deliberation on my part and tired of making out to the intro screen of The Omen, I invited him back to my room. Mostly to make out, but one thing lead to another and we’re giving each other head. He eats pussy like a champ. Seriously. Like his life depended on it. Oh my god. I returned the favor, but started getting tired. And while he said he liked it, I’m sure my style is too gentle for his taste. And again, things got heated and we just said, “fuck it let’s fuck.” He didn’t bring a condom and tbh I hate condom sex. So yeah, unprotected. Didn’t so much as ask him about STDs. Made him swear to pull out. Thank god he did, but jesus did he blow a load! It was dark and I couldn’t see where he all came, but I felt something splatter on left eye and all over my stomach. I know I should be grossed out, but I think I like being covered in cum. Hooty hoo.

We hung out for a bit, trembling and sweaty and tired, before he left. Then I spent the rest of the night wondering or worried what was going to happen next. Mostly, I was concerned about possible pregnancy. I scooped a finger in there a few times to make sure I didn’t pull out any semen. I honestly couldn’t tell enough to ease my mind, so I made a firm decision to get Plan B the next day. I spent most of the night googling whether or not I should, and finding cheaper alternatives since Plan B is damn near $50. Understandably so. You wouldn’t want it cheaper, then people would be buying that shit like candy.

So I prepared to just maybe have this be a one night stand. I had admitted to him what happened with Matt, how Matt cheated on me. I opened up to this guy and he got his smashing time so maybe he was done. I was going to be okay with that. Not that I was. No no I wanted to continue to have a good time with this guy. But I know how the stories go. I didn’t want to be disappointed.

But the next day, he texts me asking to hang out again. And he specifically says that he doesn’t want to fall into sex every time we hang out. He genuinely wants to bond, cuddle and be with me. That makes me so happy! So I invited him over yesterday even though I was planning on a Saturday just for myself. I’d been up since 8am and reasonably tired, but I thought I had enough energy to hang out with him. He didn’t tire me out. He gave me energy.

We watched Scott Pilgrim on my computer, kissed and cuddled during the movie. Afterwards, we got a little lost in each other’s limbs. You know? When you just kind of lay on top one of another? Head on a shoulder, head on a stomach, buried face in hair. And we just talked. It was flirting, chatting, being. Then the talk got serious. I could tell that he had had an “uh-oh” moment.

“You’re not...falling for me, are you?” I asked. He got quiet. Broke eye contact, covered his face in his elbow. Softly, he replied, “Yeah.”

Shit. Shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen. This was just supposed to be a fun thing, a good time, a nice memory. This wasn’t supposed to be a THING. And then he said something that legitimately triggered me because I could swear Matt had said the exact same thing.

“What if I don’t want to just be a memory? I don’t want us to just forget about each other when you leave.”

I told him that I just wanted to have a good time, and he got visibly upset. He did the same thing Matt did. He stopped talking to me. He shut off. He turned around, put his socks on as if he was about to leave.

I could almost feel as though this may be the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. Gotta have some good last words. “I’ve had a good time with you. If I never see you again, just know that I really enjoyed hanging out with you.”

It took him a bit to respond (man, do Aries have a way with pregnant pauses), but he turned over and asked why I bothered to go out with him in the first place then. I started crying, “What am I supposed to do? Not make friends while I’m here? Am I supposed to just shut myself off from everyone so I don’t hurt anybody after I leave? Is there something so wrong with just wanting to make good memories with people while I’m here, without having to make it SOMETHING.”

“No, no, I’m sorry that’s not what I meant,” he went for me. Fuck. I hate it when I cry in tense conversations. I know I’m a cute crier and it’s hard to hate me when I cry. I tell him to not pity me but I didn’t get the point across. I think crying in front of him made him fall more in love with me.

I don’t know how the conversation waned out, but he ended up snuggling the back of his head on my stomach, his body resting between my thighs. I stroke his hair as we talk. I start, “Maybe it’s better that I’m not staying in Peoria for any longer than I am. That way we won’t get more attached and won’t--”

“Wait, what do you mean?” He turns to look at me. Fuck, I think I’m putting my foot in my mouth again. Stop it.

“Never mind. Nothing.” I pull an Aries move on an Aries, see how you like it.

So the night ends well. We make out for a little bit more and he leaves, but not after a loooong Minnesotan goodbye. I also need to stop trying to start the same inside jokes with Eric that I did with Matt. I tried to reintroduce “henlo” and the Minnesotan goodbye. I said to Eric “you’re so snuggly/cuddly” the same way Matt used to say to me.

Anyway, this is a long entry. My bad. Mostly for formatting it in novel-style. That’s just how I’d like to picture yesterday. Now, today, things are more tense. I haven’t seen him all day but we had been texting pretty consistently, until he brought up that he missed me. He felt shitty without me. He felt that his feelings towards me were making him irrational. And I’m sitting here thinking...fuck. This is a parallel with Matt again. The same paradox. Do I fuck this guy up/over by just being concerned with my own personal happiness and just having a good time with him, while he just hurts at home, he hurts when we’re not together? Or do I actually do what I should’ve done with Matt, and cut him loose earlier rather than later? White-fang him? Break his heart now so it doesn’t hurt so much later?

Why are they both so adamant on not being a memory? Isn’t everyone a memory to someone? I mean, the only people who aren’t “just memories” are those who are a part of someone’s daily life. Like family, or a spouse and children. Even then, my family is a memory to me. I rarely see them or speak to them and most often i find myself looking back on my childhood or my younger years. I love memories. So I just don’t understand the whole anti-memory thing with Matt and Eric. Someone please explain.

So I tried to white-fang Eric. I told him, “If I’m hurting you by not being with you, then maybe I’m not good for you.” If I wanted to get metaphorical with it, maybe I’m like a drug to him like I was to Matt. It’s easy to say yes to me in the moment, but once I’m gone, I’m going to hurt like a bitch. And the more you say yes, the harder it’s going to hurt later on. Maybe like sinking your teeth into fresh concrete. If you pull out now, you might be fine. But if you wait too long, you’re going to lose teeth and it’s going to hurt like hell. So I thought maybe it’s best to pull out now.

He responded, “I like you a lot. I wanna to move to LA with you and we just met. You’re not hurting like I am, it seems. Yeah, I’ll just talk to you later.”

Then I thought it was over. I let it seep in. That was his goodbye. I thought to myself, wow so you were so obsessed with not being a memory that you just made yourself a bad one.

And BELIEVE IT OR NOT, he texted later tonight saying, “If I’m going to be a memory to you, I want to be a good one, not bad.” Can he read my mind?!

And thus, I am in another dilemma. I white-fanged him already, and that took a lot of my emotional strength. Do I attempt to white-fang him again? At the moment, my thought is that I would love to see him again, but only if I know that he won’t hurt afterwards. Only if I know that he is also down to have a casual good time. I don’t want to see him if it’s just going to hurt him. He shouldn’t worry about how I feel. I’m good at burying my feelings. That doesn’t mean they’re not there, I just pretend they’re not. Plus, we’d only met on Wednesday. I need more time to fall into someone else. That person would have to become an integral part of me, of my day and my life. I like him, but jesus, I don’t love him and I wouldn’t stay in Peoria for him (the inverse of what he would do for me.) Oh fuck, what to do.

The funny thing is, I have fantasized about this exact scenario. I played out before my dreams the idea of casually meeting someone from Tinder, and have him accidentally fall in love with me while I play the distant, emotionally unavailable one. Maybe he would angrily make me confront my fear of feelings, outing me for my romantic faults. I would mull over his rant, every word of his hitting me at my core. Then one night, I would rush over to his place, drenched in rain and tears, telling him he was right and that I was wrong to avoid my feelings. We kiss and the world is a happy ending.

Hard to imagine that happening in the span of a week and a half. Plus, that would be really inconvenient.

---

11:42pm

Basically, it’s over. I told him that he should think of me as a good time and move on after I leave and he got pissed, saying “people aren’t something you play with and leave behind.” He also told me that if I didn’t see him as a future partner, he wouldn’t see me. And I mean, honestly? Good! The fact that this guy was asking me to consider him a future partner (!!!) in the span of less than a week?! What in the actual irrational fuck. So yeah. White-fanged and ghosted. Just. I hope he finds peace.

Me on the other hand? I’m quickly disappearing back into my depression. Work kept me busy, but I arranged a therapy appointment with my counselor Jacob from my Bradley time last year. Then I texted my mom, asking if she would be willing to help me pay for the one visit. This lead to her prying into “why? why don’t you talk to me instead? why can’t you just speak with papa and i? You’re making me feel like a bad parent.” I just. Why do I even bother? I ask her to help me pay for something regarding my mental health and she makes it about her parenting skills. I understand, I just wish she would too.

Then she calls me tonight, about an hour ago. Sure, why not? I’ll pick up the phone. And again, she’s judgmental. She’s opinionated.

“See? Remember I told you you shouldn’t get into a relationship while you’re there? You can come back home, live here for the next chapter of your life. I don’t understand why you have this depression; you have a good family, a good job, a good life. I just don’t get it. Just get over it. Everybody gets depressed sometimes and they just work past it. Maybe you should talk to Papa. What does this guy even say that makes him so good huh? The therapist.”

After some yelling and arguing with her, I just shut off. “Whatever. Love you. Bye.”

I cried on my bed. I called Sophie over and had her lie on top of me while I cried. I laid there, cold and unmoving. Until finally I decided to at least function and take care of myself. I took a shower. The hottest I could bear. Then I switched the knob to spout into a bath. Hottest bath I could bear. I let my tears melt into the hot water, losing myself in the heat searing into my skin. It was the only thing I could feel, the only thing that made me feel, was the burning of the hot water. I laid down, sunk my head underneath the water, the pressure popping in my ears. I could try to drown myself like people do in movies, right? But the water escaped into my nostrils and I quickly sat up, coughing up water through my mouth and burning through my nose. I’m hoping a brain-eating amoeba made it into my bath water somehow and is now living in my brain. At least that would explain why I feel so dead in the head lately.

Then...then I couldn’t stand the heat any more and stood up. I turned on the shower head and blasted cold water all over my body. The change in temperature threw me for a shock. I could feel my head getting dizzy. I propped my hands against the cold shower tiles, making sure I didn’t collapse somewhere my skull could crack onto. It felt...that’s it. It just felt. It woke me up a little but all I wanted was to physically feel something.

I sat back down in the hot water. It felt funny, my bottom half warm and my top half cold. Finally, I got out of the shower/tub. Forced myself to eat something, even though the thought of food made me nauseous. I dry heaved a little. This is not happening again. I will take care of myself. Maybe pretend as though one side of myself had a lobotomy, and the other self has to take care of her. I don’t think I’d mind that. A lobotomy. How different could it be from me now?

I wanted to cut myself again. Not on the wrist. Just a prick on the thumb or a slice on my palm. And I thought to myself, I wanted to do that because 1) I wanted to feel something and 2) maybe cutting myself is a way of giving me a reason to feel shitty. You know? A visible scar that says “hey i feel like shit.” Because otherwise, if there’s no scars, no blood, people hear that I’m depressed and ask, “...why?” But if I’ve got something to show for it, maybe they’ll start understanding.

Fuck. I feel like such an emotional middle schooler. Just give me a lobotomy. Then this can be as simple as possible. No complexities. No emotions. Just nothing.

----

2:48am (literally a minute after I finished the last post)

Haha I just reread the entry from January 18th and I just need to say that I’m so amused by the irony.

“With Eric, maybe these two weeks won’t be enough time to cultivate strong feelings. We’ll just remain in that honeymoon phase without having to worry about the future.”

Nope, bad luck be with me, the boy developed feelings on the second/third date and is considering moving to LA with me. Of course he did. Of course.

[cvptaingiordano]

FOLLOW FOREVER SPECIAL BIRTHDAY EDITION.

(  nothing special about it but i’m fabulous so !!  )

BEGINNINGS.

Hello folks !! Y e s y’all may be thinking that this is random as fuck - –––––– and trust me it is - and y’all may be wondering why the hell I am even making a follow forever right now ?? Like... there’s no reason to, right ?? L I E S. There’s a very few simple explanation for this. one being that i’m almost at 250 ( w o w w t f ?? where the fuck did y’all come from ?? ). another one being that today the shrek obsessed chick running this blog just turned 17 !!  && she felt the need to show a few very important people on here how much they’re loved and appreciated !! so much shit has happened the few weeks where i’ve honestly felt that i’d lose my mind at some point and tbh y’all managed to keep me sane even if it seems as if i’m a little bit mad at times (   which trust me i need to go and get that checked lmao  ) - for reals ya girl needs to thank a few special peeps for everything. so let’s go !!   FOR ANYONE LOOKING FOR BLOGS TO FOLLOW I MADE SURE TO ATTACH ALL THEIR URL’S BELLOW. I ENCOURAGE YOU GUYS TO CHECK THESE GEMS OUT. I TRULY MEAN IT. THIS IS THE TOP OF THE TOP ON HERE. THE T O P OF THE T O P. FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FOLLOW THEM. to the peeps prepare your anus for compliments and actual feels spread across big ass paragraphs. for y’all.                                             *wishes a great birthday to self*

before anything imma just say that i only listed down the people that honestly make me feel blessed. no particular order and i just let myself get carried away down here. judge me all you guys want. p.s. i will be on discord all day and i would love to have some company here ey. (  social life be nonexistent today  ) don’t know what i’d do without the four of you.

LITTLE OGRE. ( NAEVA )

@omenwept | wrathwept | tragedywept | miserybled | agonykissed | ( y e s me putting your url’s is my way of basically shouting at the world for them to follow your ass bc you deserve so much more recognition i ain’t even kidding. )   where do i begin omfg ?? i remember back when you followed me legit smashing that follow back button real quick after checking out rosalie. tbfh i’m not sure how you came across this trashy ass blog but nonetheless i am g l a d that you did. i do really mean it lmao, i am sO G L A D. - if it weren’t for that i doubt we would’ve ever bumped upon each other (  on here n shit   - –––––   legit thankful for being able to have such a gem around on here ya don’t even know   ) our threads are honestly killing me ?? and while i know that i’m slow a f usually i’m glad you haven’t told me to fuck off yet (  legit tho c;  ) the ooc banter is great and so is us plotting even if it may take us a bit to actually get into it. our discord calls a r e lit as fuck - even if most of it is based on a shrek - memes and you legit getting triggered by how d u m b i actually am. surprised that you didn’t get annoyed yet lmao - –––– but ey c;                                 I     A M    T R A S H   H O N E S T L Y basically i’m so glad that you joined again and that you decided to give the until dawn verse *cough* shrek cult *cough* a try.  you’re characters are truly one of a kind and as much as i’m slowly getting into pandora hearts (  actually obsessed with the manga already and i’m not even kidding - might even be extra and go out to buy the second band today even if i already found a site to watch it on c;  ) and may not really understand everything y e t it’s obvious how much effort and love you put into those gems. basically i admire it like a lot. - ––––––– this butt does appreciate you - like a l o t  - and basically i’m vv glad to have such nice banter whenever we talk lmao, whether it’s on calls, on chat or simple plotting honestly c: could be more though *wink* ;) *wink*   GOTTA CHILL. i’m just trash honestly, not sure what to say since i keep on repeating myself probs. but yeah. (  and well i’m trash for everything basically like don’t even make me list it now  ) SUMMARY LMAO. ya already know you can count on me for anything ey and you also know that imma be there no matter what and that i’m just trash for the banter and for the writing and for your charas and for shrek and for #triggered L O R E N A   S T O P.  okay lmao seriously tell me to fuck off already gotta chill this is turning into the bible (  let’s call it the naeva worshippers club  ) i shall still be waiting for the day that you might get into league of legends - still sad you didn’t like it :c i shall cry out of happiness IF THAT EVER HAPPENS LMAO. thanks for everything friend !! LOTS OF LOVE.  p.s enjoy the sims c; THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.  ( look how fancy i am. formatting n shit )

SWAMP DADDY. (  ALEX  )

@chaoticagony D A D D Y Y Y  YAYSYYDSVUFYGFUSJO FUCK ME UP I MEAN IT FUCK ME UP. who would’ve thought that the until dawn verse would’ve brought to creatures like us together. i mean… one of a kind no ?? a shrek obsessed chick and some perfect gem who’s just too precious - what a paIR. the fact that this verse gave us the opportunity jump into each other’s boring ass day’s like it did is something that i’m extremely thankful for. (  and i ain’t even kidding  ) where shall i start ?? day one - we both didn’t really talk at all - i was shit ass scared inside - because of everyone too - since i’m basically pure ass garbage in that group and everyone else is just s o gooooooooood. i remember jumping on your blog and checking you out and being so fucking in love with it - or how we were supposed to plot at first but we never really did because my ass sort of shat her own pants and was like omg no i’m annoying a f what is this :((((( wHO WOULD’VE GUESSED THAT SUCH A MESS OF A START WOULD LEAD TO SO MUCH BANTER ?? LIKE SO MUCH FUCKING BANTER W T F AND I LIVE FOR IT. like properly live for it i’m not even kidding.  cards against humanity - for a moment i thought you did think i was some deprived ass cave woman who needed to calm her tits, bUT NO. and then the whole shrek inside joke turning into something serious and becoming a cult. i don’t even understand nor am i sure of how i managed to push it all that far - but clearly we all still enjoy c; (  or maybe not…  ) basically i can’t believe that a verse allowed us to become friends and talk ooc as much as we do. literally it went from being an hour or two to a whole fucking d a y. like w o w me waking up - you being awake - us getting in a call - and then me staying up until 3 a.m still fucking talking. someone needs to call a psychiatrist before i lose my mind at night. - ––––––– honestly it’s just very surprising how fast it all happened, but nonetheless i am very fucking thankful for it all. loves you lots alex !! you know your butt can count with my spanish one whenever for anything c: - enjoy that sims game c; I’M GLAD TO BE ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU IN ALL HONESTY. LIKE I’M PROPERLY GLAD. TIMEZONES CAN SUCK A N U T ALEX.             L O V E S     Y O U    L O T S !! i hope you’re throwing up glitter all over the sims 2

DONKEYRIN. (  ERIN  )

@humantovch | lcstrichards |  (  both blogs since your butt really does need a shoutout. ) pff how the f u c k did a simple message of yours get us where it did. you broke the silence between the two of us and i’m just sO THANKFUL HONESTLY. Thankful to the point where i don’t know what kind of words to even use to express how in love i am with our banter and our plotting and our writing and just everything. shrek it erin, just shrek it. it’s funny how we both clicked in like not even 5 seconds. ten minutes into us plotting and we both were already trash for what we were going to do. that lead us to grow obsessed to the point where we had over 7 fucking paras at one point (  i think seven ??  ) which were as long as a testament confirming my d e a t h after all the angst we’ve put both mason and riley through. such a cute ass  tHING LEAD TO US ACTUALLY TALKING LMAO ?? AND ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS W O W. it’s been a hell of a ride so far. and i don’t have words to express how lucky i am to be able to write with someone as great as you. i truly admire how well you write and i still don’t make much sense of how anyone so fabulous would even consider writing a simple sentence whether it’s ic or ooc to some shrek obsessed hoe. like for reals i don’t even understand ?? but i’m thankful erin sO THANKFUL. as i always say i don’t think we would’ve ever written together if it weren’t for you sliding into my dm’s that smoothly (  damn boi  ) like even i was shook to know that someone with such quality would even tHINK ABOUT IT LMAO. TRASH ERIN I AM T R A S H. i’m blessed basically - blessed and i do mean it. clearly i’m super comfortable talking and that just speak for itself. i’m living honestly. (   just kidding - i’m deceased   ) all i have to say is that once you leave i’m going to miss you a lot. are banter has already become something i look forward to whether it’s for plotting purposes or pure random ass shit. i’m just honestly deceased if i’m honest and i’ve already prepared myself a small coffin to drop myself into for that while you’re away. i shall resurrect from the dumpster like a queen. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING ERIN I MEAN IT !! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW THANKFUL I AM TO HAVE YOU AROUND AND YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING IMMA BE THERE TO HELP YOU !! LOVES YOU LIKE A FUCKING LOT EY.

QUEEN MARIESA. (  MARIESA )

@hunterscode | silvercursed | mariesaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. fuck me seriously. how the fuck did you find me with jupiter back then i don’t even understand. this ooc friendship was meant to happen right away and it did. like what the fuck why would you even decided to hit such a trash can up. i don’t remember who began talking but who cares really. just look at all the banter we have now and all the slow threads and all the gems. i’m so happy to be able to call you a friend of mine honestly. we went far to the point where now you even have an emoji of your own face :queenmariesa: and i am totes trash and i do mean t o t e s trash. (  besides thanks to that group verse of yours i was able to meet my dad - alex  ) i’m thankful for everything relating us honestly. i can call you a mother, a queen, a mami i don’t even know anymore. whatever it is i know for a fact that i can go to you for everything and anything. you’ve helped me through some rough situations where i felt that i was legit gonna d i e and i know that sometimes i’m annoying as fuck but really you don’t know how truly glad i am to have bumped into my european homie. our mom - daughter jokes honestly never get old and I AM NOT SURE WHERE TO GO WITH THIS BUT I AM RAMBLING ALREADY. basically i’m just so glad that we stumbled upon each other that day - if it weren’t for us doing that i’d probably be rotting in my bedroom. now at least i’m blooming in there instead of turning into crap (   which i already am *wink*  *wink*   ) anyways mariesa i hope we’ll be able to write as much as we want to and get everything done someday as well as continue on our great ass banter which i am truly and honestly in love with. did you ever wonder how much of a coincidence it is for mason’s cat and jupiter to have the same name l m a o. just know that i am fucking trash and i truly do love you. thank you for being a friend that i know i can count on no matter what mariesa. you know i love you vv much bbYYY LIKE FOR REALS MY QUEEN I LOVE YOU <3

In the end. thank you guys for sticking around and making me crack up as much as you have. you’re truly loved and appreciated c: even shrek is getting emotional omg SOZ FOR THE LENGTH ACC NOT REALLY           are you in tears... because i aM

BONUS EDITED BY ALEX LMAO

acc cried with this wtf

[kyoukokiwigiri]

As I’ve stated from the LAST post, the special mentions will have me rambling about how much they mean to me! You guys deserve your own spotlight & thus I am here to let my heart open to you~ Also. I’m so so so so sorry for the potential spam this is going to do, but at the same time, y’all needa let Luciafer love you to hell & back. 

Also, please just ctrl + f your urls if you don’t wanna scroll for decades, because this got SUPER lengthy. Also sorry for any mobile users viewing my blog oh dear lord-- 

Art Source  [ X ] 

@glovedxdetective - Brittany, honestly. I can say so much about you. Hell, if I let everything out, it would be APA formatted with 5 pages & double space. Honest. I am so glad that I had the guts to approach you at first, & I am so so so glad to have a friend like you. You mean absolutely EVERYTHING to me. I never thought I could find someone so unique, talented & special like you & I am ALWAYS in awe when it comes to you. From the shitposting to the plotted AUs & our ships, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You, my dear, are one of my VERY best friends. Thank you so much for always being there for me. Thank you for dragging me out of the murky water, & thank you for always making me smile & laugh. If I had the power to do anything for you, I’d make sure you’re happy no matter what happens. <3 

@rikaikokai / @akaikogo - Mako. Oh my goodness. You’re one of the oldies, but you’re one of the goodies ;3 Being serious, you honestly have such a charming personality & you’re REALLY funny. You’ve been nothing but supportive & I am glad to have you around. I am glad that we’re talking again because you make me see the light in so many various ways. I honestly admire you because of how tough you are, but you also taught me a lot. You never sugarcoat & it helped me grow up over the years. So thank you, Mako. Never change because you’re absolutely perfect. <3 

@gelidrose / @osculummortiferum - Cheryl/Amelie. You. Yes you. You are the VERY reason why I am here today. If it weren’t for our friendship years ago, I wouldn’t be here loud & proud with a big smile. I always think of you whenever I’m not wrapped up in my own thoughts & shenanigans, & I miss you. I hope things have been well for you over there, & never forget that you meant absolutely everything to me. You’re sweet, kind, loving, caring & simply amazing. I know we don’t talk much nowadays, but I am ALWAYS open to chat with you any time. I love you, no matter what happens. I’m always here to support you if you ever need it! <3

@bledfed - Caleb!!!! You are so amazing. I can’t believe we’re basically opposites in almost EVERY single way. You are an AMAZING friend & I love & adore you to bits! From what we had from DPOE to Twelvegiri to cute Kitkat & Kirigiri memeing shenanigans. I love how you are as a person & even if you are like 99.99% salt mine, I still love you & will always be by your side. I’m basically platonically married to you in my own way & just stay rad! You are amazing. Always remember this & just know I’m gay as fuck for you <3 

@truthmixedwithlies - LMAO FUKBOI. You’re barely on your RP blog & you’re mostly on skype, but I’m going to force you to read this ultra gay shit man. Honestly, that’s some extreme PDA if I were to ramble about you, so I’ll ramble about my dokis for you since forever. Honestly, you’re one of the first Kirigiri dupes I’ve interacted with & honestly you’re my longest lasting lover as well. So yo, you’re honestly really great & I love you a lot even though school is kicking both our asses ||||OTL

@kirigiri-kocho - PEYTON, M’WIFE!!!! AF !!!!!!!! <3 LISTEN. I CAN RAMBLE ABOUT YOU FOREVER & I LOVE YOU TO HELL & BEYOND. Whenever you’re sad it makes me sad because no, Peyton deserves ALL THE JOY IN THE WORLD!!!!!! Listen. I love all your portrayals, ideas, & your PASSION for Jin. You make me love the Kirigiri family even more despite how despair-ridden it is & oh my godddddddddd never think you’re horrible or anything because I will shove you my heart to hell, heaven & space!!!! <3

@empatheticapothecary - Ray, you’re quite a unique friend that I gotta say. You have amazing writing talent & it awes me how you can write that much & have it be relevant & yet so wonderful to read. You have an amazing portrayal of Seiko & honestly, thank you so much for giving Kirigiri her partner. I never expected this ship to take over. You as a friend...I can say a lot. You are sweet, caring, kind & understanding. Despite what went on between us both, I am very glad to have you as a friend. You have a good head on your shoulders & don’t let anything keep you down. <3 

@kibotofuko - Kelli!!!!! You’re honestly an amazing person! I love you & your Komaeda so much you have no idea. Oh my goodness, I blog stalk you basically because I just love seeing your content. You’re a great person for hosting the Chatzys and stuff for the longest time & the fact we caused that one meme trend for the night was absolutely amazing. I’m always here for you if you need it though! Just remember I love you tons <3 

@overlordofdarkness - Oh my god Cam, you have the sassiest remarks, but you’re utterly hilarious. You making that card deck for Cards Against Humanity is ABSOLUTELY priceless, but you & your Gundam are just as equally amazing. I love the thread we have going on & I love being around you whenever the case possible! Stay thirsty m’dude you god damn tsundere you <3 

@emissicius - RICARDO!!! YOU GOD DAMN GAY FUCK YOU. Oh my god, you will never hear the end of it on how much you MEAN to me. I can never thank you enough for all you’ve done. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again, & thank you for being a good, close friend to me. You are the greatest Kizakura I’ve ever witnessed in my life & you have such a great, charming & funny personality that I’d never get tired of you. Also, I’ll get my lazy ass one of these days to get you your #dreamthreads ;3 <3 

@idolocity / @drakonubiytsa - SON!!!!!! OH MY GOD MARK. LISTEN YOU FUCK. You’re such a memefucker & I love you so much for it. Remember the days where you were shy as fuck to me? Here we are, still strong after like what? Two years of friendship? Oh my god, like, I fucking love you to bits & you are my precious son forever. Memether got your back 5eva <3  Also, my asshole is clenched & ready for that Saihara & you already know what the first few posts will be. LMAO

@hxpeiing / @kexbo - MY OTHER SON!!!!!!!!! Chris I love you so much & thank you so much for putting up with my meme shit & shit overall omfg-- but listen fam, you got an AMAZING Naegi & my Kirigiri loves him so much like af ( TRUE BROTP RIGHT HERE ). I love your Kiibo too & am honestly ready for when you put him out into the spotlight fully. You got an amazing personality & you’re so funny & kind like oh my god. The salt we have though is hilarious, but I mean, like mother like son EHH? AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLMAO 

@uhhhthisone - WESLEY! Dude you’ve been around since forever. I love how you talk to me about your disappearances & commissions. I also love all the small little gifts you actually take the time to buy & send me. Honest! I’m kinda excited for those chocolates you’re gonna mail & I appreciate what you got for my Steam, etc. But no, you’re honestly really sweet, & those fun memes you send for Kirigiri make my day even better. Though I’m really busy most of the time so I apologize for not talking to you as much as I’d want. Though I still love you fam ;3 <3

@djwiththefxre - Mari!!! You’re so sweet oh my god I love you so much af. I love you & your Souda like oh my god Kirigiri has the BEST god damn soul brother & it’s all thanks to you! I love everything about you & what you do for your muses. Let’s never forget that Izayoi was the SHSL Wingman for the longest time LMAO <3 

@vcgabcnd - KENZIE M’MEMER AF. Listen m8 you & Ryuko are stuck with me forever & much less alone Kirigiri is always going to suffer. NEVER FORGET. EVERY TIME I SAY SHE ISN’T SHE OUT ANGSTS MY OWN EXPECTATIONS. But we our motto together is “I LOVE DYING & BEING DEAD” & I find that special. You’re awesome, rad & honestly one of m’fams & you’re stuck with me forever xoxo <3  Serious you, like your portrayal of Ryuko is fantastic & I’m so glad to be a friend of yours as well as to have the luxury to see you host streams & seeing your threads with others! 11/10 would recommend <3 

@psythe - EL!! MY DAUGHTER AF. Listen m8, we go back WAYYYYY back then like when the dinosaurs lived. You were but a wee lil memer & you have quite the sassy bite now & I cry about it 24/7. Honestly, I can say a lot about you but I won’t because that’d be like a 5 page essay, APA formatted, etc. Though I love you to hell & back & you’re basically my fam though I have shitty communication skills at time, but also I blame nursing school to some extent lmAO. Either way, you’re hella awesome tbh & I love how you’ve improved over everything over the years <3 

@horosuru - NIKO!!! Listen m8, you’re perfect & nothing can make me tell you otherwise. NOT EVEN IF THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN & VOTED FOR THE WORSE MEMER. I love you & your Ryuko & I love what you headcanon & write out. Oh my lord. Your meta rambles are LOVELY to read & as well as the storyline you have going on in your storytime chat with the rest of us. Honestly, you’re so nice & I love you so much even though we still needa bond??? But you’re absolutely HILARIOUS like please let me love you more y/y <3 

@hakureimaiden - IRMA IRMA IRMA IRMA !!! <333333 MY FAM!!! AF!!!!!!!! Dude, the clancla you sent I’ve received <3 but oh my god no I love you so much like who knew Reimu and Kirigiri were going to be like PLATONIC SOUL MATES? WHO KNEW WE’D HAVE SUCH A LIT FRIENDSHIP??? ESPECIALLY WHEN WE STREAMED LIKE SHARNADO AND OTHER THINGS OH GOD. From angst hell via DPOE to the meme times now like good lord I love you so MUCH LIKE I CAN WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT YOU. YOU MADE ME LOVE TOUHOU AGAIN. FUCKING STAY HELLA DANK M’DUDE <3

@mcncheri / @sadiques -  MICHAEL <3 Listen dude, you’re EXTREMELY talented like your art is SUPER amazing & I love your portryal for Adrien & Yandere-kun. Like I know shit over there is really tough, but just know I’m always here if you needa vent or ramble. Like I’m not the best at handling some stuff but just know you mean a lot to me & that I want you to be happy & to have a good time <3 Honestly, I miss you quite a bit but I totally get like life & other shenanigans tbh 

@exsspes - NINA MY TWINZIE AF OH MY GOD I LOVE NINA!!! I LOVE NINA SO GOD DAMN MUCH. LISTEN. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU FUCKING MEME I WILL SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MT. EVEREST TO PROCLAIM MY LOVE TO YOU. Like you have SUCH adorable & amazing art, & I LOVE how you portray Naegi---especially DESPAIR! Naegi. Af oh my GOD GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT. Like I’m STILL amazed to this day how well we bonded too?? Like we immediately had chemistry & just skyrocketed in bonding like jesus CHRIST WE ARE ALWAYS ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH TOO??? LIKE NEVER STOP BEING YOU. LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER. 

@datxra - Jess~ <3 You’re one of the memers that lasted with me since the 2014 decade af. Honestly, AnR was one hell of a series & to be honest I didn’t think any AnR Rper would remain to this day. Clearly I’m proven wrong since you’re with the shit midget LMAO but fuck I love the chemistry she has with Kirigiri & it’s so much fun exploring & actually developing their story?? Like IT ALL STARTED FROM AN ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE. Here they are, getting pets together, Kirigiri saving her from her assassin life, & just holy SHITTTTTTTT THEY CAME SUCH A LONG WAY. I also love talking to you OOC whenever I can too since you’re SUCH A JOY TO TALK TO??? LIKE LET ME LOVE YOU. FOREVER. YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME. <3

@kagerou-days-konoha - ZAK!!!! We don’t talk too much, but I’m glad to see you’re still around! I miss the days we had before but it’s so nice to see you pop around to say hi once a while & just all your small gifts here & there make me smile. I cherish them honestly. From your drawings to your steam game gifts. You’re sweet & amazing & I hope things are going well for you out there! <3

@kanzukiisms - MY SON! M’BOY! Listen, we’ve been through so much but I love you a lot holy fuck. I’m happy & glad to see things are a bit better for you over there & how you’re always striving to be better <3 While we don’t talk a lot anymore, I still love you & like god---take good care of yourself over there alright? Mother is always here & ready to M E M E. Also congratulations on ALL your achievements! I’m proud of you. <3 

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #1: “Back Into the Groove of Things” - Scott

The cast was announced and both tribes started calls in their tribe chats.  Some early alliances started based on past relationships.  The first twist was that the tribes had to elect a Tribe Captain.  Regan took charge on Naicha demanding she be captain.  On Jinsei, they strategized about it for hours with Lydia using Sam and Scott to help make her Tribe Captain.  The first challenge was Winterbells and MJ lead Naicha to a hefty win.  After losing, The Alliance of Sam, Scott, and Lydia (The Three Muskequeers) tried to decide whether to vote out Austin or Catherine.  They decided to go with Cat due to her poor challenge performance and her connections on the other tribe. Connah figured it was him who was going home and ultimately self voted.

Tbh I’m really bored so I’m gonna make a pre-game confessional before the game starts. I really am excited to be back and playing my official last season of Tumblr Survivor (and ORG) ever. I want more than anything for this season to end on a good note, so I plan on giving it my all and hoping for the best. I think the timing for me to come back is especially perfect, mainly because in the past my personal life was mixing in with the ORGs and it got to the point where I had a big mental breakdown in front of the family dinner table. That’s why I took a break; I just had so much going on personally that I had to stop using ORGs as an escape from my problems and actually face them. It’s been about a year and a half since I was involved with ORGS and I’m really happy with the person that I am today and to say that I resolved most of my personal dilemmas that I had. There’s been so many seasons that I was considered for since Ancient Greece, but honestly the timing in my personal life didn’t work out and I would drop out in order to take care of myself (Easter Island, Sri Lanka, Generations [not 100% sure about this one], India, and Solomon Islands). This time the only conflict I may have is that I work night shift some nights, but lately I’ve been scheduled on day shifts so hopefully it stays like that so it doesn’t interfere with challenges and the game itself. But honestly I think I can work around it game wise plus many people talk during the day and late at night so it can benefit me. This season is actually really scary for me going into it mainly because I don’t know who to really expect. It’s an all-host season, so obviously it’s going to be all retuning players but I really haven’t been involved with this community in a long time. I could see a lot of familiar faces, or I could see a lot of newbies from the seasons I didn’t follow. I think I’m honestly going to be such a huge target coming back into the game. I say this mainly because lately I’ve noticed there’s a trend where guys who disappear for a long time and come back will end up winning (Jake B, Simon, Tommy, Stoner, and  Mitchell to name a few). So to be coming back after two years could put me in danger and others may see me as a threat, which is why I need to be extremely cautious. Plus I personally have a huge reputation that I refuse to destroy. Every time I’ve played I’ve never been pre-merge/pre-jury, and I don’t want to know what that feels like. Plus I haven’t played Tumblr Survivor in 2 years, and I know a lot has changed when it comes to the game format. Hopefully I can adapt to it quickly and be conscious the entire time. I’ve only spoken to like maybe 6 people from the community after Malaysia ended. I don’t really have anyone to possibly pregame an alliance with. The only reason why I applied is because Regan convinced me to and I spoke to Trevor about it to make sure it was legit. I know she applied, but if she’s cast I don’t think it would be in my best interest to keep her around (I’m sorry Regan I love you). I just feel like everyone would know how close we are and it would put a huge target on my back, or make it bigger along with everything else. I haven’t spoken to her about possibly being on this season, and I plan on keeping it that way. But other than her, I don’t know anyone who could possibly be on this season which could be a good thing or a bad thing for me. Good thing is that I’m a single person and if there’s a big group/pre-game then I can be a part of a group to go against the pre-game. However, if people are like “let’s go with the pre-game group over the individuals” than I could be screwed early on in the game and possibly be the first boot. Honestly my biggest fear is just being pre-merge and doing worse than ever in my Tumblr survivor career. Idk, maybe things can all work out for the best for me, I’m remaining optimistic about all of this and I really can’t wait to get back into the groove of things.

i literally wrote the saltiest jury speech ever towards lydia when we were in riau together and now she is on my tribe fjdkafjdskalfjkldjafdfs. we got along well enough in riau and in hindsight i definitely was way too salty towards her but hopefully no bad blood carries over from riau into this game.

Can't wait to be first boot

[2017-06-07 8:34:48 PM] Jessy: first impression? josh icon [2017-06-07 8:34:56 PM] Jessy: i feel like he's the only person getting invested in my convo. [2017-06-07 8:34:57 PM] Jessy: SKLJSLSJK [2017-06-07 8:35:17 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Am I gonna have to copy all this into a confessional or will you write one later :p [2017-06-07 8:35:23 PM] Jessy: i'll write one later [2017-06-07 8:36:04 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Thank you !

HI Trevor. It's your fave mom, Sam McCanada. Look at my son doing his momma proud 

i am god awful at winterbells.  i am god awful at every single flash game. this will be fun. the first night is always weird because i keep having tons of tiny conversations and they're all just small talk. everyone knows that these conversations are just small talk at the beginning of the game and yet we have these conversations anyway, fully well knowing that they mean almost nothing at this point. i feel like ive been out of the tumblr survivor community for so long that i am so disconnected from everyone here, and that immediately makes me feel like im in trouble. they all know each other so well, and while i know almost everyone here on a very basic level, i'm not particularly close with anyone here. ive played with a few people here before. in riau i essentially yelled at lydia in my jury speech and then proceeded to not vote for her in FTC. the one and only time i played with andrew, i voted him out. i'd like to think that feelings from previous games dont carry over, but i know that they do for some people. i don't know. i dont feel safe. 

why is connor so impulsive? i love the kid but 5 minutes into the game i'm already in an alliance with him and drew when drew and i haven't even talked yet sjhfsdkjfa. More detailed confessional later~

[2017-06-07 9:11:49 PM] Jessy: NO ONE IS talking to me. [2017-06-07 9:11:52 PM] Jessy: Can't wait to be on the bottom [2017-06-07 9:43:24 PM] Jessy: i like josh.. [2017-06-07 9:43:30 PM] Jessy: regan rlly tried me.. [2017-06-07 9:43:35 PM] Jessy: mj is a snake... [2017-06-07 9:43:38 PM] Jessy: matt is a snake... [2017-06-07 9:43:52 PM] Jessy: connor seems like a person who's gna be in a good position... [2017-06-07 9:44:08 PM] Jessy: allison and i idk her yet that well [2017-06-07 9:44:18 PM] Jessy: drew idk her yet that well [2017-06-07 9:44:18 PM] Jessy: KLSSJKL [2017-06-07 9:44:20 PM] Jessy: *him. [2017-06-07 9:44:31 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Lol [2017-06-08 1:26:44 PM] Jessy: i just wanna make an alliance that can watch shit on rabbit and have a fun time. [2017-06-08 2:35:32 PM] Jessy: regan wants a girls alliance [2017-06-08 2:35:34 PM] Jessy: BKLMSLKMFSDKLM [2017-06-08 2:38:45 PM] Jessy: its a concept yeah. [2017-06-08 2:57:07 PM] Jessy: im just tryna be utr. [2017-06-08 2:57:14 PM] Jessy: wide the waves. [2017-06-08 2:57:23 PM] Jessy: find my crew and watch tv shows on rabbit. [2017-06-08 2:57:48 PM] Jessy: mi opciones es no grande :/

Hey I'm back who wants to see me get 12th again??????? Or worse. BUT YEAH. I'M FUCKING BACK IN A MAIN SEASON YA'LL. Third times the charm I guess, but honestly I'm so scared. Pumped, but scared. This is - like I said - third time playing, and my first 2 times I got 12th. So fuck me in the ass amirite? Like, if I get 12th or worse I'll probably casually go into a major depressive episode for a little bit. So I have a LOT riding on these first impressions. First impressions are everything, and I don't really know these people very well? So it is VITAL to me if I even want to have a game in this mess to have a good social game right off the bat. And everyone seems cool at the moment? I'm just nervous about preexisting relationships and all that jazz and mumbo jumbo. I mean, I am the newest person on the tribe I think in terms of how long I've been here? In fact, I think only person younger to the community in this game than me is Connor Wubbenndjfm on the other tribe. Preexisting relationships are just scary. Like, I was on the call tonight with a few of the people. And they were all nice! But I kinda felt like a high schooler volunteering at an old person's home. ASDFGHJK I'm SORRY OKAY it's just that literally everyone was sharing war stories of like 2 plus years ago and I've been here for a year and a half so. Not a lot I could have contributed! But like I said, everyone seems cool. For not at least. And that's what I like. Keep the discourse at a minimum for the time being please! But yeah I guess if I had to give a quick opinion on everyone just from tonight: Scott: Super cool! Very easy to talk to. Bonded over our love for Isaac McDicksucc. I'm hoping he's not just doing some "be this social to everyone thing" and actually found a better-than-average connection with me because if so, I would like to work with him. David Robb: Person I actually know! Hosted me in TAR and shit and I've voted him out of a side. But I'm hoping we can work together? At least for now. I know I'm gonna sound hypocritical, but I feel like this is the only preexisting relationship I might need. I probably know the least amount of people here so gimme a break okay? Bitches... Sam McCanada: Cool girl! Remembered watching her host Transylvania. Know she's done super good and has slayed in CYS which is super threatening because I've heard that's a hard as ORG. If she tries to be the controlling type then it'd be best to be with her as opposed to against her - at least for premerge. Connah: He seems chill. He was on the call but didn't talk much and we kinda talked RRN. I know he's close to Lydia and MJ so I gotta watch out for that. If we go to tribal first I would go for him or Lydia only if someone voiced wanting to break up potential alliances first. Other than that I wanna keep my head down. Lydia: Same alliance type deal word vomit thing I just said above. But she seemed nice even though I only talked to her for a little. I'll try talking to her more tomorrow to feel things out. Austin: GOOD. BYE. I do NOT want to play with Austin Trevino. No sir. Goodbye Spongebob goodbye goodbye. Like he's a damn mess to play with and to watch play. He quit a side premerge the second things weren't going his way. And I know he's gonna try kissing my ass and kiss up to everyone and think he has this AMAZING social game. Like... no... sweety... no. But ya know what? Seemingly easy first boot cannon fodder. If need be. Catherine: Yay! Honestly love Cat. She won my first ever ORG (a side) a year and a half ago and I got 6/24 there so I spent a lot of time with her there. But then she kinda died? But now she's back! Out of herself, Austin, and Lydia - she didn't have an excuse for not being around. Idk how social she'll be but I wanna at least have her for myself. Okay whew. Other than all this nonsensical shit I just typed above, there's the other tribe which I can go more in depth about a little later once I sleep and process everything. Drew? Love him but farewell. Regan? Other tribe's Austin. Matt fucking Summers? I gtg suddenly. MJ? Could kill me but I wanna kill him first. Allison? My mom and one of my best friends but tbh this isn't Pacific Islands and I'll vote her out if I have to. Etc. Etc. There was Conner Wubben who's cool but I don't really know. 2 others I can't remember right now asdfghj oops. Oh we also have a challenge and I suck at desktop Winterbells so there's that too. If we coulda used the mobile app well :~) that woulda been fun. But Trevor apparently hates fun and friendship. Oh yeah and fuck this twist. It's 2:30 am and I'm tired and I'll talk more in a video confessional tomorrow so gnight and wish my flop ass luck because I'll need a little if I wanna get past that 12th placement hehe. *Takes a shot or 4*

I'm back for my 3rd go, and I feel as though I have a lot to prove not only to myself but to the community as well. It's been well over a year since I last played Tumblr Survivor, and I do think I've grown a lot as a game player. Coming into this season, I felt flattered by the shape and size this cast has been brought about. I'm standing here with castaways from All-Stars, multiple winners, and well-known players all in the same season. To me, this is both a curse and a blessing. A blessing because I'm the unknown of this season. The wildcard if that. I'm here coming off a mess that I played in Bhutan, and a lackluster performance in R&R. Not many people know my gameplay or how I evolved into what has become my playstyle. A lot of these players are "Old School" (characterized by the grouping from Generations), and I'm not well known inside the community. The curse for me this season comes with the realization of outside bonds formed from the casts' older seasons. These people know each other. They know how they play, and in order for me to win with the likes of Summers and MJ playing then I'm going to need to play to the absolute best of my ability. I need to play a game that is true to myself that can only represent why I, Austin Trevino, am the best possible outcome for a winner this season. Something I know I'm weak on is my social gameplay. For me, this season, I need to overhaul my playstyle to focus my strategic game SOLEY on my social gameplay. Play smart, not hard. I need to realize that I'm in this for 39 days, and not just round by round. My physical gameplay is lackluster at that, so I need to be able to make up for it by spreading awareness to my tribemates as to why I am an ideal candidate in benefiting their game. In doing so, I've already worked to the best of my ability to find 1 thing I can use as a reminder that I'm not some "nobody" they've never met before. So far I've reached out to the entire tribe and connected with each of them on the following: Andrew - We played Comoros together. I've also been talking to him about some Solomon reps for Cutthroat, but he is someone I genuinely like. I need to go deeper in getting to know HIM as a person, but I do believe he is someone I would like to work with in the future. Him and I are both pre-merge flops, so I do think we can see eye-to-eye in allowing ourselves that window of opportunity to take over. Scott - Scott is nice, supportive, and relatable. He is someone that is coming back into these ORGs for the first time in a long while, and I do think I can relate to him in the fact that this is something we haven't done in a while. He's going back to school to major in psychology because he wants to become a school psychologist. I've taken AP Psych in high school (LOL), so I do see myself working a friendship over with him through various small talks which could transform into something larger. Lydia - Lydia doesn't remember this all too well, but we played Storybook: Neverland together. She knows how willing I was to give my game for her and be loyal, so I do think she is someone that would gladly look to keep me. I reminded her of all this when I brought up voting out Jordan Pines on Jordan Pines Day. She's smart, and no one can deny that. Her placements are BY FAR the best average placements in this entire cast. It's threatening to see her on this season, but it's comforting to know that I can bring up a fond moment from a past game in order to share my expression of loyalty towards a person. David - David and the entire cast of BBHell2 hated my gameplay. That was 2 years ago, however. David knows and called me out on my horrific social gameplay in jury, so I need to prove to David that my social gameplay isn't an issue anymore. To start, I brought up some things about David's job as a cashier and found a way to relate to his job with mine (I'm a cashier as well). I think it really shows a lot when, after 2 years, you can remember something about someone even when they criticized your social gameplay. (See, I do listen to people >.>). I like David. Connah - Literally he was my host for R&R, so I immediately had something to open up with. I didn't last long in R&R, so the window of opportunity is wide open when it comes to establishing something. Cat - OK LITERALLY I LOVE HER, JOSH, AND CONNOR (who are all in this game and I need to immediately make a mental note that they're a trio in my books), BECAUSE THEY ALL HOSTED ME IN PERU AND THAT SEASON SUCKED BUT THEY WERE LIT. Cat hasn't been around all that much for me to talk to (or maybe I'm being ignored?), but I do hope to connect with her again by bringing up Peru and some friends we do have in common. Sam - Sam I've probably spoken to the most. She's "fresh" off of an Okinawa victory, and I do see myself trusting her. I voted for her as tribe captain and I would definitely like to see her place some level of trust in me. I just find it easier to talk to her over most others. I like Sam. This season I need to prove to myself that I can outlast the 3rd tribal council. Both seasons I've played have seen me voted out then. I can't OVERPLAY. Building relationships is what matters most here. As for the twist(s) of the season, I do think it's bittersweet. Trevor has turned this into a hunger games for Hosts. We created our own Weapons of Murder. I don't see this turning into a Redemption Island season with a cast of 16, so I do think this season is going to be idol heavy in terms of the various idols. Most of these hosts have held their unique idol twists, so when idol searching does come about, I need to be on the lookout for anything and everything imaginable.

im in a super weird position here because im super close with connor and josh on the other tribe. the thing that makes it an awkward position is that EVERYONE knows how close we are. we started our own survivor platform together and we're currently on the hosting chart for another main season. connor, josh, and i literally hosted austin in a season together. i definitely know that i'm a target because of this. the votes for tribe captain are due in 15 minutes and no one has talked to me about it. im just going to vote for some random person and hope that its with the majority, however i (ONCE AGAIN) dont feel safe.

i'm trying to stay on the down low but i don't know if that's helping me or hurting me. on the one hand, it helps because it keeps me out of the spotlight a bit. but on the other, it might hurt because i might not be bonding with people as much as i could be. fjdksaljfdsaklj i dont know what's happening

i love jake gyllenhaal

So, things are going kind of well, I think. First off, Josh and I are together, which is great, but Cat is alone on blue. Frankly, out of the three of us, Cat being alone was worse case scenario. I knew if I was alone that I would have been able to finagle my way into things and build relationships because the game I play is very social. Cat says that talking to people is a chore. So.... rip cat? I know Drew and Josh very well going into this game, MJ fairly well as he hosted me in RnR and Palawan, and Regan was technically in RnR with me and we played a storybook season together. Im also fairly good friends with Matt, so I definitly think there is room for me to pull some strings and get some control over this mess before it turns around too quick and gets me. Regan being tribe leader is good for me I think. She's very easily influenced, or she has been in the past, and I think she will be good for my game as long as she doesn't pull a Regan and do something crazy. And lets be real, we all know she will. Drew, Josh, and I do have an alliance, although there has been little to no talk in that chat. Rip. Also, Drew probably knows that if it were a f2 and it came down to the three of us, Josh and I would choose each other, so I need to do some work there to make him feel more comfortable in that three than he is now. I love Allison. Day 1 there was a tribe call and it ended up just being the two of us, and we watched a performance of Hamilton we did for show choir, and she is SO fun. I like her A LOT. Jessy? I like because she likes my dog. That's really all I have to say about her right now, yikes.

Me, looking at the wiki for the first time since premiere night: who the FUCK is Jessy???????

Well I’m really bored right now waiting for a call to happen so I better start one of these. I’m really happy to be back here and I like the tribe. Sam and I spoke on the first minute of the game and reconnected due to previous relationship. I like her and definitely want to work far. I don’t think it’s in my best interest to go all the way with her but I think it’s a smart idea to keep her around for the current moment. She wanted to make an alliance between Lydia and us and I was okay because I find Lydia to be quite comical. We spoke on who could possibly be the tribe captain and Lydia agreed she would. I think working with Sam and Lydia short term is ideal mainly because they both have gone far in multiple seasons and know how to do it, so sticking with them can benefit me significantly. I consider them to be my #1 alliance for now just because I usually respect the first alliance I ever make. I also have a good relationship with Andrew. The two of us talked and agreed we would work together. I want him to do well in this game just because he’s never made merge (and I think hes really cute rip) and I think he would be someone to benefit me as an easy #1 ally. I’m not sure what long term plans are but all I know is I want him around and I will riot to whomever to ensure he stays. David I like as well. We both spoke and agreed we don’t want the other to be the first boot. Sam and Lydia seem to really like him so we know he can be the easy #4 to our alliance. The only people I’m not really aligned with so far are Austin, Catherine, and Connor, and ideally I want one of the three to be the first boot when we lose because MJ is too good at winterbells for us to possibly win. Austin kinda annoys me so far just because he reaches out to me every single day. And like I know hes been doing the same to others just by communicating with them and I find that to be messy. Like its one thing to talk to people once in a while, but to do so every day like that is a bit sketchy. And like he hasn’t even talked game with me, it’s all just personal talk. Which is nice, but I don’t want to be the first to talk game with everyone because it makes me a threat. Catherine I only spoke to once because I messaged her. We talked about her flopping in Galapagos. I know she has a relationship with Josh so she could be an easy boot, but at the same time that connection could help long term. As for Connor, I personally think he shouldn’t be here.  He’s going through a lot personally losing someone close to him and I think he should take time off to grieve and stuff. But I can’t make that decision for him. Other than that, he hasn’t reached out to me so idk how to feel about him. A plus to aligning with Sam and Lydia so early on is that Lydia gave me the idol map for being the captain. I felt obligated to share it with them because I couldn’t lie and be like “Oh Lydia gave me this” early on. So now we’re all hunting for the idol. During this idol hunt I found the Amulet of Abduction. I plan on keeping this for the swap, that way if im in the minority I can get an alliance member over to my side and either screw their game over or regain majority on my tribe. But the Amulet stays to myself for now. And because we lost immunity, I gotta discuss the vote. So far I am loyal to Lydia and Sam, and I can get Andrew to do whatever Lydia, Sam, and I want to do. And they like David so I’m sure I can convince them to vote out one of the three ppl I haven’t spoken to. But yeah, I’ll update this later tonight cause I can’t flop playing for my first time in two years. It’s game on bitches, and I’m ready to play.

literally no one talks in this game and im so annoyed cause we lost the challenge and these people are acting like nothing even happened... oh well, hopefully i dont become the first boot cause my paranoia is getting me. like its really odd that no one is talking. in Ancient Greece no one really spoke to me, and i found out i was in the minority after that season ended. The only reason why i got far was because we ended up not losing challenges until swap and we just lost our first challenge so i hope it isnt me. i can't varner my ass out of this game cause its been 2 years and i just wanna play but no one wants to play which sucks!!!

So I'm gay and this tribe is a bunch of mutes. Basically I was on a call with Scott that ended up being 2 and a half hours? And now we're supposedly closest allies. Which is fun! Scott is really cool and I really AM hoping I'm his closest ally and he's not just pulling generic social game bullshit. But we also talked about the vote and he said Austin's name first. Not me! So I really want Austin to go home because he's a shady fuck. Like... Okay so he keeps talking about all of this shit that comes off as so fake. He says we have to break our curses and I'm like what's this "we" you heterosexual potato. Like he ain't good at these games and if he stays over me? I riot the streets. So yeah I talked to Sam a bit too and she - like Scott - told me I'm the person she's talking to the most. Which! Might be a lie. But ya know what I'll run with it. I'm also making a point to talk to Cat on the side because I love Cat and if she's not being super social then I wanna make a point to talk to her. My talks with David and Lydia are kinda spotty, and then I don't talk to Connor much. But he is going through some personal things right now and I hope he's okay so I'll obviously let him deal with that. Personal things prioritize these games for sure. TL;DR - I want to kick Austin's ass back to str8 lakes where it belongs. Just as long as I'm not the person bringing up his name first :~)

[2017-06-08 6:37:55 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: What is happening [2017-06-08 6:38:04 PM] Jessy: LITERALLY NOTHING WHICH IS WHY I'M SHOOK!! [2017-06-08 6:38:21 PM] Jessy: matt and i had a convo and he told me about regan giving him the advantage [2017-06-08 6:38:25 PM] Jessy: and i lied and acted like she didnt give it to me either [2017-06-08 6:38:32 PM] Jessy: and now im scared regan told him i got it too [2017-06-08 6:38:37 PM] Jessy: [6:02:22 PM] Jessy: hi [6:02:25 PM] Jessy: matt told me that [6:02:35 PM] Jessy: you gave him an advantage LKJBLKMASDLFKM and he shared the clue with me [6:02:41 PM] Jessy: i dont think he told anyone else tho so its not a big deal but [6:02:51 PM] Jessy: i want him to propose a f3 to u tonight w us [6:31:05 PM] Regan: Omg [6:31:10 PM] Regan: He said he guessed r [6:31:12 PM] Regan: And got it wrong [6:31:31 PM] Jessy: same [6:31:32 PM] Jessy: KLJSJKLS [6:31:45 PM] Jessy: can we pls f3 tbh [6:32:36 PM] Jessy: he doesnt know that i got the clues too right [6:32:36 PM] Jessy: SKLJSJKL [2017-06-08 6:38:59 PM] Jessy: i saw her go away and online within a min [2017-06-08 6:39:01 PM] Jessy: SO LIKE IM SHOOK SIS REPLY! [2017-06-08 6:39:15 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I love receipts [2017-06-08 6:39:39 PM] Jessy: if nothing is actually happening this is proof of my paranoia [2017-06-08 6:39:40 PM] Jessy: LSKJKLSJ

they're gonna vote me out first and it's so extremely obvious. how are these people considered all stars of the game when they make it so ridiculously obvious who they're voting for???

[2017-06-10 1:55:26 AM] Jessy: btw mj will be first boot on this tribe [2017-06-10 1:55:27 AM] Jessy: know tht [2017-06-10 1:55:52 AM] Jessy: im not letting mj connor josh catherine go far. [2017-06-10 1:56:23 AM] Jessy: oh nd lydia [2017-06-10 2:34:50 AM] Jessy: r u gna make an edgic [2017-06-10 2:35:56 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I am, yes [2017-06-10 2:38:14 AM] Jessy: when im ottn>

Ok, so I think I proved my social game to be effective. This tribe is VERY quiet. No one is talking, and if they are it's very forced. Lydia kind of baited me into giving a name, but with that came no repercussions. Honestly, me name dropping Cat has spiraled into a FAST frenzy of game talk. It seems like Lydia spread it quick, so I do know now that she's taking full advantage of the trust our tribe has in her. David pointed out that he heard a Connah name drop, but I haven't heard that? I don't know if Lydia gave him that name or if someone else did, but I do enjoy knowing that there are 2 people my tribe sees as disposable over me. It's kind of nice not having to work my ass off to keep my name out of others' mouths. The social game isn't all that bad.

Fuck MJ and winterbells

So update after the first late night fiasco Lydia, Sam, and I agreed on Catherine as a target. I was okay with this just because she really hasn't approached me (or anyone) and hasn't made an effort to really want to play this game. We only spoke once (I reached out to her) and all we spoke about was how she flopped at Galapagos. Oh well, hopefully she actually goes tonight. As for how this game is going, I think I am in a good position. I think one thing I need to watch out for is how close David and Sam are. I need to keep Andrew close to me, and I think he is going to be a huge help to me. So far he's been trusting in informing me on whats going on. I am worried since Sam and Lydia contemplated sending him home first. Now as awful as this may sound, I think its best for my game to keep Austin close to me too. Even though I see him doing lots of damage since hes kinda on the outs, keeping him close to me and making him think he controls me is ideal for me. Just as long as he doesn't catch on to this all should be good... right? I'm definitely not as worried about the vote, however I think I need to try and get a sub-group going with people that aren't Sam and Lydia so that way if they become a sinking ship I have other lifeboats getting me out of heavy waters. I want to solidify something with David and Andrew, but part of me worries he will tell Sam and she'll think I'm trying to go against (plz say this in her Canadian accent) her. I think I can do well this season, just gotta hope someone's dumb twist doesn't screw me over

I'm stress eating Dairy Queen and I guess the vote is Cat idk why it wasn't Austin but whatever I just don't want it to be me thank you and goodnight

Catherine and Connor never spoke to me about the vote and the vibe at camp is really sketchy so if i leave tonght rip me... but i had a good time and it was fun. Hopefully this isn't my last confessional

[2017-06-10 6:17:56 PM] Jessy: dw im gna send the most iconic conf ever! [2017-06-10 9:11:40 PM] Jessy: oh fuck i need to write it [2017-06-10 9:11:40 PM] Jessy: KLBVKLMSADFMKLDS [2017-06-10 9:11:52 PM] Jessy: if i submit it and someone already left can it still be counted for ep 1 [2017-06-10 9:16:34 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Submit it quick :|