#there's a non-zero chance (for example) that im right about the people around me merely tolerating my presence
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
69% of Tumblr users are millennials.
Text
i've been told a number of times that mental illness is a dirty, filthy, no good liar. but like..... what if it isn't?
#to me anyway. it's lying to the rest of you. dont use me as a guide#but. anyway....#im much more inclined to give the mental illness and negativity the benny of the doubt than not yknow?#there's a non-zero chance (for example) that im right about the people around me merely tolerating my presence#and theyd be much happier if i were to just.... not be there#there's a non-zero chance the opposite is true i suppose but...#i know im awkward and off-putting and weird and also Not Good Looking#so evidence suggests the more negative scenario is true. right?#idk. what if i choose to believe that people do appreciate me and want me around only for it to be revealed that i was right the first time?#this kinda thing has happened before lol :'')#it was a situation i created myself i think so maybe it falls under self-fulfilling prophecy but. it still happened#the brain doesnt care if shit is homegrown lmao#i just dont want to be wrong#yknow?#im fuckin terrified of doing the stuff and working on loving myself#only to come to a point where all the alleged bullshit nonsense i used to believed about myself turns out to be true#is there proof somewhere? something refuting what im feeding myself??#i know confirmation bias or whatever is a thing. maybe i need to be more vigilant looking for evidence to the contrary but. like....#i dont know what im looking for really. or that i expect to find much of anything....#i guess people are nice enough to me but it's horrifyingly easy to find ulterior motives behind being nice#they pity me. theyre nice to the weirdo to feel good aboit doing some good deed. theyre a masochist. etc etc.#and if you ask people straight up why theyre being nice to you they get defensive. understandably i guess but.#why would someone else be genuinely decent to me (says the 'liar' in my head) im not even nice to me#i suppose i should just trust other people but. lol. trust does not come easy#i want to believe people are genuine. i can kind of believe it from a distance#but....#idk. i need sleep. i need to be up early#save me nyquil#to the void with love
0 notes