wizarddaycare

[wizarddaycare]

Some of these kids are sooooooooooo yeetable. BUT I SHALL NOT YEET

[wizarddaycare]

Every now and then I have to ask myself: is this tiny wizard-child knee deep in an elaborate and involved session of "play pretend", or do we have another case of reincarnation here?

[wizarddaycare]

Just as long as you pay the fee, we'd be happy to look after them for you!

Stop recruiting children as adventurers and then sending them on a quest to my tower to defeat me. It never ends well. The furthest any of them made it was my workshop. I’m tired of burying kids. Even I have a limit.

Where are you even getting these kids? Are you abducting them? Are they orphans? Did their parents agree to this? Half the time they can’t even stand up against an owlbear.

Stop using child soldiers. I use goblin kids as ammo, not soldiers. Both the kids and their parents are fine with it. They’re loyal.

[wizarddaycare]

That sounds like a you problem rather than a me problem 😉

Stop recruiting children as adventurers and then sending them on a quest to my tower to defeat me. It never ends well. The furthest any of them made it was my workshop. I’m tired of burying kids. Even I have a limit.

Where are you even getting these kids? Are you abducting them? Are they orphans? Did their parents agree to this? Half the time they can’t even stand up against an owlbear.

Stop using child soldiers. I use goblin kids as ammo, not soldiers. Both the kids and their parents are fine with it. They’re loyal.

[wizarddaycare]

Narrative imperative?

Stop recruiting children as adventurers and then sending them on a quest to my tower to defeat me. It never ends well. The furthest any of them made it was my workshop. I’m tired of burying kids. Even I have a limit.

Where are you even getting these kids? Are you abducting them? Are they orphans? Did their parents agree to this? Half the time they can’t even stand up against an owlbear.

Stop using child soldiers. I use goblin kids as ammo, not soldiers. Both the kids and their parents are fine with it. They’re loyal.

[wizarddaycare]

It's not intentional, sometimes they just escape and wander off while our backs are turned

Stop recruiting children as adventurers and then sending them on a quest to my tower to defeat me. It never ends well. The furthest any of them made it was my workshop. I’m tired of burying kids. Even I have a limit.

Where are you even getting these kids? Are you abducting them? Are they orphans? Did their parents agree to this? Half the time they can’t even stand up against an owlbear.

Stop using child soldiers. I use goblin kids as ammo, not soldiers. Both the kids and their parents are fine with it. They’re loyal.

[wizarddaycare]

If you need a break, we can look after Timmy for you!

my wretched and shambling beast timmy has once more devoured my entire stock of mercury, and and i am of half a mind to reduce him back to the bone and clay from which he came.

[wizarddaycare]

We have a high turnover

Stop recruiting children as adventurers and then sending them on a quest to my tower to defeat me. It never ends well. The furthest any of them made it was my workshop. I’m tired of burying kids. Even I have a limit.

Where are you even getting these kids? Are you abducting them? Are they orphans? Did their parents agree to this? Half the time they can’t even stand up against an owlbear.

Stop using child soldiers. I use goblin kids as ammo, not soldiers. Both the kids and their parents are fine with it. They’re loyal.

[wizarddaycare]

Kids say the darnedest things

Following 73 spell matrix explosions and at least two inadvertently created magic dead zones, I think I will stop trying to devise a ritual to determine from a description of an arbitrary computer program and an input, whether the program will finish running, or continue to run forever.

[wizarddaycare]

*over the sound of children shouting YAAAYY* Now now children, settle down, settle down! Remember: sharp objects means this is a Don't-Tell-Mommy activity. ZIFFANY! We do NOT throw organs at Xant! I don't care if he said you smell funny!

I am the vivisection wizard

My main spells are vivisection and formaldehyde blast. I do magic orientated science. My staff is a bone scalpel

I'm also a vampire but we can ignore that for to focus on vivisection wizard matters

[wizarddaycare]

Been there, such a pain

the fae took the fucking kids. cant have shit.

[wizarddaycare]

Do you do demonstrations for wizard children? They gotta learn some time

I am the vivisection wizard

My main spells are vivisection and formaldehyde blast. I do magic orientated science. My staff is a bone scalpel

I'm also a vampire but we can ignore that for to focus on vivisection wizard matters

[wizarddaycare]

You thought I was missing but I was just buried under a large pile of children during nap time. It may look adorable but I'm pretty sure my ribs are broken

[wizarddaycare]

GOOD LITTLE WIZARD TODDLER OF THE WEEK goes to Stabatha:

* good sharing play

* tidied up her summoning ring nicely

* was Very Brave when she had a skinned knee

NAUGHTIEST LITTLE WIZARD TODDLER OF THE WEEK goes to Jimothy:

* was noisy during quiet play time

* summoned and let loose JfrDrsnak The Emmolent again for "a prank"

* lunchbox horseplay in the playground

[wizarddaycare]

*Answering my ringing wizard phone* Hello? Ah! No, we get that a lot, you want the Sunshine Sanctuary For Sick Dogs, this is the Wizard Day Care.

Yeah. The place with the kids.

Yeah. Yeah. No. Not dogs.

Don't worry! It's an honest mistake to make! Ok then, yeah good luck with all that. Bye! *The phone's internal magics make the dial tone noise briefly, before all energies are extinguished*

[wizarddaycare]

Leave a CV with the day care and we'll get back to you. Do you have any references that aren't Fae in nature?

NOW HIRING

Do you have certain qualities? How about skills? If so, you could come work for us if you like!

Working for us, you will have such adventures as:

Herd children

Tackle magical mishaps

Feed "Him"

Clean the extra-dimensional arts and crafts cupboard

MUST TOLERATE CHILDREN. Must provide your own protective amulets. Payment is "ok" and comes with dental and you get to keep any weird rocks you find in the arts and crafts cupboard. Ask for Barold

[wizarddaycare]

He/him, but always yours ;)

The kids keep saying I have "the rizz" but I don't know what that is. Some sort of enchantment perhaps?