#there's a lot to chew on with this one

[hello-eeveev]

How to Rest: Director's Commentary—Chapter 4

| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |

I always knew this chapter was going to be the problem child. It was the least clear snapshot next to Chapter 6. But unlike Chapter 6, Chapter 4 is the emotional nadir rather than the high, and I did not have a great idea of what form that low point would take for a very long time. So writing this was very much a process of discovery that sometimes felt like pulling teeth, but I still feel like I got a good chapter out of it, and there are some moments and choices I’m excited to discuss.

So let’s get into it! 

(spoiler warning for the entirety of How to Rest)

We start off with a bit of scene setting—Caleb is trying to read a book but is distracted by the ever-present countdown to Essek’s departure—before properly establishing how we got to this point.

It’s a bit of a departure from the format of the rest of the fic because of the cut to a past event rather than it being one continuous scene, but I felt this was justified because 1) it’s also just Caleb remembering what happened this morning, 2) Essek and Caleb do not separate in between these scenes; Essek is there all day, and 3) it aids the narrative. And 4) I like it :)

I have a whole 1644 words laying out what Caleb and Essek are individually doing during their six weeks apart (Caleb’s is week-by-week; Essek’s is a more general summary of his emotional state over the month), which is far too much to include here and largely irrelevant to the story, BUT I can offer you a glimpse into Essek’s perspective as he shows up to Caleb’s house in the middle of the night.

First off! He is somewhere in the Menagerie Coast when he gets the message from Astrid that it is likely safe to return to Rexxentrum. He is also in the middle of his trance, because you’re lying to me if you think Astrid has a normal sleep schedule.

(I don’t think I’ve explained my thoughts on Essek’s relationship to Astrid and directly tied it to How to Rest, but this post was made from my planning for this fic and this chapter specifically, and sums it up well.)

So Essek’s trance-addled, anxiety-ridden brain gets a rush of relief and adrenaline, so he’s not thinking clearly at all, and he gets as far as “Rexxentrum = east = later” before he has his go-bag in his hand and he’s teleporting away. It only occurs to him that “an hour later than the middle of the night” is still very very early in the morning once he’s at Caleb’s door and knocking on it (probably harder than he intends to because again, he just woke up and is tightly wound coil of paranoia and stress regardless). But that’s all right because Caleb is there despite the hour, and is pulling him inside and holding him so tightly that Essek both feels like he is at risk of exploding and being put back together at the same time. 

Six weeks of hell is worth it if it means he gets to keep this.

Essek spends a looong time in the bath to make up for all the quick, cold ones he had to take in the road. Warmth seeps into his muscles, his bones, his heart. He closes his eyes and accidentally trances for fifteen minutes or so, and even that is better rest than he had in weeks. 

He finally takes in the state of his hair. He was aware that it was long and unruly, had felt it tickling his ears and neck for the better part of a fortnight now, but taking a razor to the unkempt hair was like washing away the last of the muck and grime. 

He emerges from the bathroom and sees Caleb asleep on the couch, and what a joy it is to be overcome with tenderness and…

(This is one of the first times that word has crossed Essek’s mind with the full romantic and devoted meaning behind it. He recognizes it and sets it aside with the knowledge that it may well be the just product of a long-awaited reunion.)

He sits with Caleb and finishes his trance knowing that they are both safe and he is cared for here. 

Now let’s talk about lines and scenes from this chapter:

Essek held his spellbook in his lap, propped up against one knee, an invisible Mage Hand keeping the book he was referencing floating in the air just to his left. 

I have given Essek the Telekinetic feat (as shown by the invisible Mage Hand) because I refuse to believe he used a whole-ass 5th level Telekinesis to take the cupcake from Jester in c2e74.

[Essek] was chewing on the inside of his lip, Caleb noticed, and the pen he tapped against his chin pointed directly to the slight pull of his skin beneath his mouth. This—Essek in the Tower, bathed but unstyled, comfortable and focused and brilliant—was perhaps the loveliest sight Caleb had ever seen.

Caleb is down so bad he just likes to look at Essek and honestly I don’t blame him.

It’s about comfort! And feeling like you don’t have to put on airs around each other!! Essek doesn’t have to look or behave like anyone but himself here!!! And Caleb thinks he so beautiful for it!!!!!

He moved across the couch and wrapped his arms around Essek’s middle, shifting him just enough that he could hook his chin over his shoulder. Essek went along with this repositioning without hesitation; he leaned fully into Caleb without taking his eyes off his work. He tilted his head to the side, his cheek warm against Caleb’s own.

It’s not just comfort in a space, but comfort in an interaction! It’s like second-nature to lean into an embrace now AHHHH

ahem.

anyway.

“If you think they would be of use to you, you are more than welcome to my notes on the Happy Fun Ball.” Caleb made to summon one of the cats to retrieve them, but Essek laid a hand on his arm, stopping him.  “I appreciate it,” Essek said, “but I don’t think there is time to go over them tonight.” Caleb lowered his hand, and his heart fell alongside it. “Right. Of course.”

Caleb was not intentionally trying to get Essek to stay longer, but he certainly wasn’t trying to get him to leave sooner. Poor buddy :( and then he’s having a resurgence of the dread with added anxiety about Essek’s well-being while Essek’s still in spell-mode :(((

In this next section, we stumble into a misalignment of Caleb and Essek’s goals, at least in this moment. They’re both trying to recuperate from a very stressful six weeks apart, but they’re approaching it from different angles. Caleb’s way of making himself feel better is trying to convince them both that it doesn’t need to happen again, but Essek’s is reminding them of the reason it happened in the first place. It is Essek’s desire for Caleb’s rest and peace of mind vs. Caleb’s desire for Essek’s safety and well-being. Essek’s mindset is, “I will not subject you to a life of transience and paranoia. Maybe I deserve it, but you do not. After everything you’ve been through, you should be allowed to create a comfortable life for yourself. I love you care for you too much to let the consequences of my poor choices jeopardize that.” While Caleb’s is, “I am fully aware of what you have done, and I have known that refusal to let anyone else shoulder any of the burden. And it’s bullshit. I know what you are facing, and I am here. I accept the risk that associating with you brings because I love you care about you a great deal. I have the resources to keep you safe, and if there is a gap, I have the resources to fill it. I will do whatever is within my power to protect you.”

They try to comfort each other, but they’re also frustrated. Mostly at the situation, but kinda at each other and kinda at themselves. And a big part of what made this chapter difficult to write was finding the balance between showing frustration and showing concern, because honestly, the frustration wasn’t planned. It kept showing up, and I, Eve, the author, had to figure out how to incorporate it in a way that felt true to the characters, the scene, and the fic as a whole.

“You are leaving soon.” Essek’s mouth went slack before pinching into a frown. This close, Caleb could see the remnants of his earlier exhaustion, the faint circles under his eyes, the redness around his irises.  “Ah,” Essek said, closing his eyes. The weariness seemed to settle into his body anew. “Yes.” […] Essek covered Caleb’s hand with his own and nudged closer. “But I will return.”

Caleb is not the only one dreading Essek’s departure. But Essek is trying his best to stay optimistic, partially for his own sanity, partially because both of them having a breakdown about how much stress Essek being on the run is causing them would be a really sucky way to end this visit. It wouldn’t help Caleb at all, and Essek just had six weeks of stewing in the misery of his situation, so he can put off the next breakdown to when it’s not going to cause both of them to lose all sense of reason.

“Caleb.” Essek’s hand was gentle as it came to rest on Caleb’s knee, but his voice was tight. Concerned. “What do you need from me?” […] Caleb opened his arms, and Essek fell into them. He wove his arms between Caleb and the couch and squeezed him tightly around the waist before settling his head against Caleb’s shoulder, his breath skimming across Caleb’s neck.

This is something of a call back to All Things End, specifically this moment:

“Is there anything else I can do?” Caleb pressed his lips together, looking down as he placed his elbow on the armrest and extended an open hand towards Essek. Taking a deep breath, he glanced up. “Stay with me a while?” Essek softened and took Caleb’s hand in his, wrapping cool fingers around a warm palm. “Of course.”

Like. Please note: Essek is more confident in both his readiness to ask and in his ability to provide comfort. Caleb is less nervous to accept it. Holding your crush’s hand vs. laying on your dear friend/bf/doesn’t-matter-what-you-call-it’s chest like a weighted blanket.

But also, unfortunately: the “of course Essek can stay” of then vs. the “Essek must go” of now :'(

“I miss you,” he choked out.

Not “I have missed you,” not “I will miss you,” but “I miss you” less as a current emotion and more as a state of being. Essek is away more often than not, and even when he visits, it is for such a short amount of time that he is not truly able to reprieve Caleb of missing him. This is the essence of what is bothering Caleb in this chapter, and saying “I miss you” while Essek is here is the closest approximation he can get. He’s throwing darts trying to pinpoint his emotions.

“I…” Essek’s confusion filled the silence. “I am here.”

But Essek doesn’t know that. How could he? “I miss you” is surely not an unusual thing for them to say, but it doesn’t make sense when Essek is here, holding him. I think Essek recognizes that there is some further meaning, but he cannot figure out what that may be. 

Caleb throws another dart and gets a little closer to center:

“You don’t have to go.” Essek sighed, resigned, and pressed his forehead against Caleb’s neck in what felt like an apology. “Yes, I do.”

And Essek finally understands that Caleb has been trying to say, “I want you to stay.” Essek cannot promise him that, and they both know this, so there no point in pretending it's that simple. But there is something about knowing this that allows Essek to let down his own walls a bit and let Caleb see how the separation affects him, too.

“I have only just confirmed that the Assembly is unaware of my movements. It would have been better for me to stay away for at least another week, so as not to give my hand away immediately, but I—” His voice faltered. “Well.” He tightened his arms around Caleb.

The unspoken sentiment here is “I needed to see you.” But he can’t say that out loud. Not yet. He’s too emotionally stunted. The earnestness and blatant sentimentality would give him hives.

I don’t know what else to say about this. I am in my own walls. You know that image of someone biting a laptop? Yeah. That. 

Cut content (1) “It’s not easy being a weighted blanket”:

A brief rush of vertigo suddenly came over Caleb. He tried to blink it away, and while the initial sensation faded, a slight sense of floatiness persisted. “Apologies,” Essek said, running his hand along Caleb’s spine more easily than he should have been able to with the weight of both of them pressed against the couch. Ah. Adjust Density.  “I was losing feeling in my hands.”

Cut content (2) “Essek flexes his shadowhand skills”:

“The Assembly is not looking for me officially, so any tail Ludinus sends after me must be small and likely has some limit to their resources,” Essek explained. “Becke has her fingers on the pulse of the remaining Scourger contingent and is disinclined to believe that any would be working under Ludinus without her knowledge.  “Regardless, a target teleporting erratically across the continent is difficult to track at all, even more so without the force of a government to bolster the effort. After six weeks, they have certainly lost my scent. With some skill and some luck, it will be a long while before they are able to pick it up again.”  Essek lifted his head to meet Caleb’s eye. “That is why I was gone all that time. I had to be sure that shaking them off would last, and that no suspicion would fall on you or any of the Mighty Nein.” 

(a/n this is very hot of Essek tbh)

“This is the longest I have stayed in one place in quite some time.”

I wrote this line at 3am. It destroyed me. This line is what led to this post. I can’t believe I did this to my boy. He spent 6 whole weeks never staying in one place for more than 18 hours. How dare I. I’m so sorry, Essek.

“There is always a place for you here.” He felt Essek smile.  “Someday, maybe.”

This is the rewrite of this short exchange that, for the longest time, was the only solid I had written for this chapter. 

“You don’t have to go.” “I do. I wish I didn’t.” “Someday, maybe?” “Someday.”

No matter what, I knew that I wanted the “someday, maybe” sentiment. It’s kind of the core idea of this chapter, and it’s all they can really offer to each other at this point in time. We will discuss the first line more in Chapter 5, but the seeds have been planted.

Their foreheads knocked, and Essek’s eyes fell closed. “I will miss you,” he breathed, “most dearly.”

Yes, this is a not-so-subtle nod to Miss You Dearly, but it is also a nod to the fact that for the better part of 3 years now, I have headcanoned that Essek and Caleb use “my dear friend” when they refer to the other. Not “boyfriend,” not “partner”, though they’re not really going to correct anyone about it. It’s not wrong, it’s just not what they say.

Does this line really work as a reference to that headcanon? No, I am realizing. Nevertheless, that was part of my intention. I’m just thinking of it constantly, and I have yet to figure out a way to properly incorporate it into my fics.

With a tilt of his chin, Essek pressed his lips to Caleb’s.

This post sums up what happened here. I didn’t mean for this to happen. In some ways, I was trying to avoid it because I… kinda feel bad? that all the big kiss scenes seem to happen from Caleb’s perspective? Yes, this is silly. Yes, I have a How to Rest coda fic in the works that amends this somewhat.

“It will not be so long this time,” he said. “I promise.”

Essek cannot promise Caleb that he can stay, but a promise to visit more often and more frequently is not impossible, especially after the work he put into getting ahead of a tail.

While Essek put on his boots, Caleb went into the kitchen to scrounge together food that would keep well to send with him—half a loaf of bread Caleb got from the market the other day, some dried meats, the last few hard candies from a tin given to him by a student, and a puck of fermented tea from the Blooming Grove that he knew Essek liked—and bundled it all together.

This scene didn’t exist until I was sitting down and writing the transition between “they leave the Tower” and “Caleb starts to teach himself Private Sanctum,” but I love it. The care package, somewhat hastily assembled on account of zero notice that Essek would be showing up, is both practical (Caleb knows what keeps well on the road) and indulgent (candies and a favorite tea for a man on the run). The tea is pu-erh tea, which Essek tried back in Chapter 3 and which Caleb keeps in his house specifically because he knows Essek likes it. This is very important to me.

Caleb slipped into his study and tossed a few pearls in the tin with the candies. He didn’t doubt that Essek had enough, but, well, one could never have too many.

c2e135 01:07:05!!! “How are you on pearls?” “I will always accept more.” “They go fast.” hhhhhhnnnnnnngggghhhhh

Plus, Essek’s gets a little surprise present when he opens the candies the first time, and I think that’s nice :)

He looked down and ran his fingers softly across Caleb’s wrist. “I suppose it is time to say goodbye, then.”

For all his talk about how he has to go, Essek is procrastinating. He put on a very brave face, but he had a miserable time for the last 6 weeks and he’s worried that might happen again. It won’t get that intense again, I know, but he doesn’t. And even if he did, he’s allowed to steal a moment or two more. Like the Beacons :)

Essek reached into one of his pockets for a stone whose origin Caleb could not begin to guess, and rolled it around in his palm. “Goodbye, Caleb Widogast.”

It is important that Essek uses Caleb’s name—his full name—before he goes, as he will not be able to until the next time they see each other. We see that in the message Essek sends a bit later, where he says:

“Goodnight, my friend. I will see you soon.”

“My friend” isn’t really an Essek-ism. He most likely picked it up from Caleb. Other endearments with more romantic connotations aren’t really a good idea for someone on the run to be using openly. “My friend” is generic enough to the average eavesdropper, but you and I both know he’s really saying, “Goodnight, my (dear) friend (Caleb Widogast).”

Caleb opened his notebook and got to work, a small seed of hope sprouting in his chest.

I used a plant metaphor to describe Caleb’s feelings in Chapter 6, so I wanted to repeat that here to create a bit of a throughline. A leitmotif, if you will. Essek gets the fire/spark descriptors, Caleb get the plants ones. We have a little fun here. We get a little silly.

[noodles-and-tea]

Twins in time au.... Would Fiddleford act as a sort of father figure to Stan? Since Filbrick obviously SUCKED to both Stan and Ford and Fidd is more than definitely missing HIS son, and of course Ford has grown to love him but they're still BROTHERS.. Maybe they could act as the father/son the other is missing?

ABSOLUTELY!!!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

You made her cry, time to die.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[darkartsanna]

Hurricane Helene Relief Funds to those affected in the Southern Regions *will edit as I find more, please reblog as usual and check back for updates (Liking doesn't circulate it and isn't helpful)* *9/30 Has been edited! (Also, I think whenever I edit this it doesn't update the versions already reblogged?) ORGANIZATIONS American Red Cross FEMA Disaster Assistance Improvement Program Warmline Directory (Mental health resource) AKC Pet Reunite Food Not Bombs Operation BBQ Relief Partnership for Inclusive Disaster Strategies & Roll Mobility Operation Air Drop GEORGIA State and Local Level Referrals - (60 Organizations Listed) Emergency Shelter Locations Animal League

NORTH CAROLINA Brother Wolf Animal Rescue Asheville Survival Program Homeward Bound State and Local Level Referrals Beloved Asheville Rural Community funds CLT Mutual Aid Fundraiser for a NC resident to deliver food to affected areas Mutual Aid Disaster Relief Animal Disaster Relief Coalition Mutual Aid Disaster Groups

Special Note: There are 2 Wifi Stations now open for public use. The locations are: SPOT 1: DoubleTree Hilton Downtown 199 Haywood SSID: SORTOR STARLINK Pass: ncstrong SPOT 2: Asheville Shelter Ferguson Building 340 Victoria Rd SSID: HALL STARLINK Pass: ncstrong SOUTH CAROLINA State and Local Level Referrals (44 Organizations Listed) FLORIDA Volunteer Florida Disaster Fund FootPrint Project State and Local Level Referrals - (52 Organizations Listed)

TENNESSEE HellBender Harm Reduction

More supplies to consider donating in hurricane impacted areas:

Bottled water, potentially water filters

Personal hygiene items: wipes, tampons/pads/other menstrual products, hand sanitizer, mosquito spray, laundry detergent, toilet paper, diapers, and especially any products safe for sensitive skin

Medications like ibuprofen/tylenol, yeast infection medicine, cold & cough medicine, any diabetic meds that can be safely shared, etc

Individually wrapped low to no prep food items, baby formula, and Gatorade

Pet Food

Sunscreen

Heavy duty bags, Duffel bags, backpacks, and trash bags, 5 gallon buckets, coolers

Fans, dehumidifiers, moisture sensors, generators, gas, gas canisters, solar charging items, portable battery banks, first aid kits

Chainsaws, crowbars, hammers, air filters, respirators, 2×4 planks, bleach, roofing nails, heavy duty gloves, and waders.

Books, Board Games or other non electric activities for children

Double check before donating items, especially if your local drive is accepting donations of particular products and can distribute the more specialized ones where they're needed.

[meamiki]

mira !!! :]

[lets-try-some-writing]

"The Titans were gentle beings, knowing neither fear nor pain. For all their power, it was the Primes who cared for them, guarding their innocent sparks." - Thundercracker, Speaker of Trypticon.

A lil bit of lore below the cut.

In my little continuity, the Primes were indeed Primus's firstborn, but they were made from the suffering of their maker as he fought to survive. The Titans though? They were born to give life, made to spread Primus's gifts to all creation. As such, they are naturally gentle and inherently incapable of violence.

They will not fight back if attacked, nor will they rise to the defense of their citizens (although they will provide weaponry and protection in the form of walls and the like). They cannot even comprehend why one would hurt another outside of the natural order of things. It is to the point where those who care for the remaining Titans have labeled them as having the cognitive capabilities of newbuilds. For all their age and wisdom, Titans are, at their core, the only entities in the universe to maintain a sense of innocence all throughout their lives. They hold no anger, no bitterness, and no grudges. Everything, in their optics, will play out as it should.

As such, the Titans have always had guardians to protect them from a reality that would seek to crush them into dust. During the first age, the Primes filled this role. In the modern era, seekers of Vos have taken on the mantle, guarding and speaking on the behalf of the three remaining Titans on Cybertron.

[wolves-in-the-world]

the thing about eliot spencer as a character, right. the thing about him.

(and as always your mileage may vary on my analyses so if we disagree that's cool actually)

is that he is in fact a somewhat emotionally constipated idiot who is occasionally sensitive about his perceived masculinity and gets defensive about emotional intimacy around other men (largely hardison, who's much more comfortable expressing affection and embracing a softer kind of masculinity), but eliot displays enough emotional awareness and sensitivity and respect for women etc etc that anyone who's been subjected to that era of television will put on rose-tinted glasses without even looking twice.

(and he is, don't get me wrong, incredibly emotionally aware for a professionally punchy guy with enough trauma to sink the titanic. it still startles me to see.)

on top of which we have the layers and the accessories and the excellent hair with the secret braids and the way he barely has an ego and he's good with kids and protective of his team without taking it too far, and some of us never stood a fucking chance.

[struggling-jpg]

Random thoughts but

imagine Boothill going to the Luofu and meeting Jing Yuan and by extension Yanqing and it's like "Wow! You guys are motherfudging cool!"

But it occurs to him how young Yanqing is and he can't help but think that maybe his daughter could have grown and made friends with him. It's somewhat concerning that this little guy is in the constant face of danger. Boothill gets it, the kid's strong, but the dad in him worries just a bit.

Then maybe Boothill and Jing Yuan talk while eating (well, Boothill chewing on a bullet probably), and he brings it up casually, smoothly but the General knows what he's trying to get at.

Jing Yuan talks about how he's also feels worry, that he had thought about what it meant to raise Yanqing as a son, retainer, and a soldier. It takes some moments but Boothill finally openly talks about his daughter and how he wishes that he got to see beyond her first steps. That she could have had the chance to play guitar or ride horses or even learn to drive a spaceship. He feels afraid for Yanqing because isn't that boy still so small?

And Jing Yuan agrees with a thin, close-eyed smile that Boothill recognizes but can't put a name to. They reach a mutual understanding yet unanswered questions hang in the air.

[genericdragon]

Noah fence but if you can't handle thinking about the actual story of Mouthwashing and you just want to imagine silly found family scenarios with the crew on the Tulpar then maybe you shouldn't be engaging with HORROR media...... just a thought.

[thousand-winters]

Fascinated by people just getting into WTNV and asking if there is a list of episodes to listen to, omitting the "unimportant" stuff I assume.

Chill, you all. Night Vale has been ongoing for around 11 years and it's yet to show any sign that it intends to end any time soon, so you can take your time. Even if it ended soon, there is time.

Enjoy the episodes as they are. Chew on them.

WTNV does this very special thing of making the town feel alive, not every citizen gets an arc or even a spotlight, but they're constant, they're there, living their lives. Those little details, little mentions of everyone growing and continuing living as time pass make it feel so nice.

And then, one day, Night Vale surprises you, and, oh, hey, remember that one intern whose death wasn't confirmed? Well, he has come back, and if you remember him and remember what happened to him at the time, you'll be able to connect the dots of the current arc faster.

The MOST unexpected things come back. The town is alive.

Just enjoy the ride! Enjoy Cecil's voice. Enjoy listening about this friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

[sanjipussyindulgence]

a well written one piece crossover hits DIFFERENT compared to other crossovers. you can drop other anime characters in a new setting without anything changing too much, but that's impossible with luffy. he forever changes the lives of everyone he meets. no narrative can stand up against his whimsy. if you put him in a terrible situation he WILL fix it within the day. and something about that extending even beyond his own series gets to me man.

[shummthechumm]

sol and his guard, jingo (aka rewrite ramblings)

[dykes-with-dicks]

✨chubby thighs make fantastic chew toys fyi✨

from bites to bruises 😵‍💫

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Hi!! This is hopefully a fun question to ask! 💚 What are some of your favourite versions of suguru &/or satoru by your moots/non-moots that you’ve read in their fics ? For example your winter satosugu drabble has my favourite satoru 💅💅💅

🥺🥺🥺 ANONNNN first of all i’m so happy you like that satoru…… i’m really fond of him too!!! he’s very Husband + the implied mommy issues are tasty imo…

but wahhh… this is absolutely a fun question!!!! i doooo wanna preface this by saying that i legitimately love . all my moots’ versions of stsg. they’re all a little different so i go to different moots/other writers depending on what i’m looking for :3 i love love love the fact that fanfic births so many different takes and aus…. it’s one of my favorite parts of reading it!!!

i doooo have some versions of stsg that i’m partial to though!!!! gonna throw them under the cut, i decided to only go with my moots because i’m…… really scatterbrained. there are SO many other sugus and torus that i adore my brain just can’t pull them out at command </3 but i hope this’ll suffice!!

first of all…. my favorite gojos :333

niku’s gojo in general is one of my favorites ever ever ever but i’m specifically adding a link to bten because . bten lives in my brain <3 and i adore both bten!reader & bten!gojo more than anything….. ANYWAY . niku’s gojo is my favorite for many reasons but above all else he just…. feels so real to me . sometimes i have to remind myself that i’m reading a fic and not canon content bc her gojo just FEELS like gojo . it’s a little scary. i read bten and heard kaiji tang’s voice in my ear 😭 i think it’s sooo difficult to capture the balance that canon!gojo has, but niku does it so effortlessly!!! he’s so charming and guarded and annoying and kind beneath it all and i’m just….. in love with him . that’s all. i do want to strangle him just a tiny bit but mostly i want to kiss him.

sel’s col!gojo…. my baby my husband the loml. i adoreeeee sel’s take on gojo and the way he views/approaches love ….. and just like niku her gojo feels so real and so grounded!!!! sel has a way of rounding out her characters and making them feel so human, which i. adore. and it works so well with gojo. col!gojo is canon to me idc. he’s so relatable to me and following his story with col!reader was just so touching 🥹🥹 i . cried . every time he blushed or got flustered i fell to my knees . flustered gojo is really hard to get right i think??? bc it’s just….. such a rare mood from him. but it feels so perfect in her fics. col!gojo reminds me of a plant in the softest, most loving way and i just want him to grow and embrace the sun !!!!!!!! i want him to be happy….

another general pick; alexis’s gojo!!!!!! (link goes straight to my personal fav which is a very bold statement to make but i think abt this fic constantly)…. this is another gojo that just feels. so canon to me somehow???? every time i read her gojo fics i’m just like yeah…. that’s gojo satoru. that’s the gojo satoru that i love and adore. it always reminds me of WHY i love him sm and it’s just….. such a wonderful feeling yk??? alexis rlly captures what i perceive as the core of his character!!!!! i can’t tell you what it is exactly but i feel that so strongly!!!!! he’s my baby and i love him so so bad. he makes me so happy and he feels so human:((((( i just love him…. him and his self-destructive little habits….. also special shoutout to idol!gojo bc he’s just soo. yeah.

then we have io’s flower shop!satoru <333 the fic isn’t out as of rn, but i added a link to a snippet that i’m still swooning over….. i ADORE this concept and it’s so perfect for io’s gorgeous and flowery writing!!!! he was made for her fr…… i just really love the idea of a soft, gentle, smitten satoru 🥺 and him being a flower boy rlly scratches an itch in my brain because of his canon ties to flowers!!! the fact that he kind of views other people as flowers. or at least compared them to flowers in ch. 236….. i just feel like this concept is . genius. nature loves satoru and he loves it back . he’s a nurturing soul at his core imo and that’s not something i see people explore super often, but this au captures it perfectly <33

NOW. SUGU TIME.

moss’s knight!suguru…. my beloved. not a day goes by where i don’t think about him. there isn’t a single language on this earth that could properly convey the physical reaction i had when i read this drabble . this is . The most attractive suguru in the world. to me. he’s so sexy i’m sorry i need him so bad. we all know how i feel about knights and suguru individually so when you mash em together….. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 yeah. my life was changed. the armour the blood the contrast between his polite exterior and gritty fighting … i’ll be so honest just the idea of knight!suguru fighting using his fists instead of his sword is enough to have me falling to the floor in agony like i NEED him. you don’t understand. you will never understand. it physically pains me to know that he will never beat ts out of me. BUT YEAH HE’S JUST SOOO???? he’s so hot and cool and Doomed and i desire him carnally

then we have mickey’s suguru :3 he’s just….. soooo fucking charming? it’s sickening . i can’t stand him. he’s perfect and i need him. mickey always writes him in a very wolfy way while also making him feel so soft and sweet and i just…. adore it. he’s a loverboy first and foremost and he makes me sooooooo happy it’s insane…… i’m linking my personal fav sugu fic of his but i truly adore them all!!!!!!!!! his suguru is just . theee most charming man alive and that’s all i can really say to properly convey my feelings. this particular fic genuinely wrecked me i got soooooo flustered just reading it 💔💔💔 save me sweaty!sugu…….. save me……….. he’s a wolf he’s a romantic he’s a cooer and most importantly he’s my Wife :33

kairo’s suguru is soooo lovely and so hot but i’m especially in love with black is the colour!suguru….. he’s just. so hot i’m sorry. not really though. tattoo artist sugu 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 with his piercings …. his honeyed voice…… his boundless devotion…… heavy breathing . he’s so mommy in this. but also so Father. that’s the best way i can explain it aaaaaaand i’m terribly weak to it……. he’s just so perfect there are SO many scenes in this fic that made my knees buckle 😔😔 he’s so sweet and doting and complex and just hhhhhhhhhhhHHH kairo if you see this you’ve ruined me for life…… specifically thinking about the scene where he worries he acts more like a dad than a boyfriend sometimes + where he calls reader his dove…… i need him in my life i need him to fix me

lily’s poseidon!suguru stole my heart very recently and i have ….. not stopped thinking of him since. i love any take on suguru as a god and lily’s version is just so genius . suguru being a god of the sea????? it’s perfect….. and the fact that he’s so gentle and coaxing and sweet 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 just the way he speaks in this drabble had me captivated he is truly the god of all time….. and his DESIGN . the concept in itself. i know for a fact that he’s the most stunning man you’ll ever see. he’s so almighty and powerful and he speaks so softly and gently but you hear every word crystal clear because he just has this Presence…… i rlly can’t stop thinking about him.

then we have rem’s suguru!!!! who is the acts of service king of All Time. and i’m obsessed with him. i love chatting with rem because i love her but also because we always agree on suguru and her thoughts always make me feel insane….. he NEEDS you to need him. he needs to take care of you. or he’ll literally explode. he’s such a caretaker and i can’t get enough of him….. that’s really the Core of suguru’s character imo!!!! his desperation to take care of others. he wants to take care of you more than he ever takes care of himself because doing that makes Him happy. and rem just captures that so, so perfectly, yknow?????? oughhhh her sugu is just so Mommy i need him to coddle me :(((((

aaaaand finally!!!!! last but not least!!!!!!!! rheya’s vamp!sashisu :33 i know you asked for stsg specifically but i’m throwing in shoko as a bonus bc they’re All characterized so well in this. they live rent free in my silly little brain . there’s not a single person on this planet that i trust to write poly sashisu more than rheya bc she just Gets them!!!!! and….. vamp!sashisu..,… lord save me…….. they could drain me like a capri sun idec. I LOVE THEM!!!!!! their preferred biting spots just feel soooo in character and the fact that they’re all so gentle makes me emotional 🥺🥺 generally speaking i’m not super into vamps but rheya entered my life and i was changed forever . i need them so bad

i wasn’t gonna tag anyone originally, but i want you guys to know how much i love you and think abt your silly little guys actually... thank u for letting me read abt them 🥹

@stellamancer @seiwas @kissxcore @neptuneblue

@mossmotif @dollsuguru @teddybeartoji

@storiesoflilies @hayakawalove @satoruxx

[skywalker42]

What people think ADHD is:

So I went to my room to grab sticky notes to leave my roommate a reminder on the dryer but then I saw my week old mug on my nightstand so I went to put it away and then when I was in the kitchen I realized there's no room for it in the cabinet and now I'm measuring the wall for shelving units.

Which, yeah, it is that. It's definitely that. But it's also this series of texts I sent to my friend this morning:

[daylighteclipsed]

Y’all ever think about if Sora falls to darkness that inside his heart will look like the Destiny Islands falling again