#there's a lot of personal baggage with gender and pronouns that is really hard to deal with since my household is really unhealthy but

[deepseagraveyard]

@transryuji HI SORRY LOL THIS MADE ME THINK OF YOUW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Outdated meme format but I haven't seen one like this before so

[fanficflaneuse]

Let Me See It

A/N: So this is my very first Harry Potter imagine ever (it is, in fact, my very first fanfic ever). I’ve got a few things to say before we start. First, if anyone read the very long rant I wrote the other day (my first Tumblr post ever lol), I haven’t read all the books yet and I haven’t watched all the movies either. I’m currently on the third book. Why would I write a sixth year Draco imagine when I have virtually no canon idea about it? Well, my friends, I’ve read a lot of fanfiction and imagines about it so I kind of have all the main plot points and I wanted to give it a go. It’s absolutely self indulgent. Hopefully once I’ve finished all of the books my writing gets better. Also, English is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes, please tell me and I’ll correct it :) I hope it’s not too bad and I really hope you like it. 

Details: 

Draco Malfoy x Reader (She/her pronouns...If this goes right I’ll try my best to write gender neutral as well). 

Word count: 1529 

Summary: The reader is Harry’s friend and in a secret sort of relationship with Draco. She is the one who’s hit by the sectumsempra spell and wakes up in the hospital wing to an angsty/fluffy situation. 

Warnings: my terrible writing, some angst, some fluff, perhaps a lot of wordiness, sectumsempra, soft Draco. 

When (Y/N) woke up, she felt as though she had been drowning and could finally take a breath. Her whole body ached and her chest felt tender in the worst of ways, open even. Engrossed in the sensations, she didn’t pay much attention to her surroundings at first. Then she felt the raspy fabric of the infirmary’s bed and it all came back to her. The commotion in the bathroom, spells casted and dodged, the water gushing from the broken sinks, Moaning Myrtle’s shrieks…even remembering it gave her a headache. 

When Harry had rushed to the girl’s bathroom, (Y/N) had been quick to follow him. When she got there, her best friend was already casting spells towards the boy she fancied. Draco seemed distraught. He was dishevelled and unkempt. He had grown thin and he was so pale that the bags under his eyes stood out. Shaking as he held his wand, he looked as though he was in the midst of a panic attack.

(Y/N) had noticed all of this, of course. Whenever they met he’d brush it off by telling her he was going through something rough. She had an idea of what it might have been, she had discussed it countless times with Harry (Ron and Hermione would usually dismiss them when they brought the topic up). So, when they had their secret rendezvous in the Astronomy Tower, she’d hold him as he cried. They’d talk about dreams and interests. They’d imagine different futures together. Sometimes they’d snog. Shyly or passionately, it’d feel wonderful until he’d tell her how it was dangerous for her, how he carried baggage she didn’t deserve. They weren’t a couple, but they certainly were past the “friends” category.

Seeing him standing there, standing helplessly against a sink, (Y/N) felt her heart shatter. She had to do something. Fast.

Draco wasn’t even thinking at the moment, casting spells left and right and making sure none of Potter’s hit him. Conjuring the first thing that came to mind, he was about to cast an unforgivable when he saw her, his beautiful (Y/N), standing wide eyed just a few steps away from Potter. He was about to tell her to leave when the scene unfolded in front of his eyes as if in slow motion. He saw (Y/N) running towards him, pushing him out of the way as Potter casted a spell he had never heard of. He heard her name leave Potter’s lips in a sob when she was hit. He saw her fall, lifeless, as her blood poured from her chest. He saw him running towards her, taking her in his arms. It all seemed unreal.

Then he heard Potter sobbing, babbling, begging her to wake up: “(Y/N/N), (Y/N/N) please, open your eyes. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry”.

He held her to his chest. And Draco, enraged and panicked, ran towards both of them.

“What did you do, Potter? Fix it, fix it I am begging you,” he pleaded as he tried to take (Y/N) from his arms.  She was growing paler by the minute, her uniform soaked in so much blood it made Draco sick.

“Don’t touch her, death eater,” he spat as he rocked her back and forth in his chest and sobbed.

“Fix it!” he barked.

“I…I don’t know how,” babbled Harry, holding even tighter to his best friend.

They both looked at her helplessly, hoping for a miracle. Guilt-ridden, Draco started sobbing as well. He fancied her. Merlin, he could even swear he loved her. She saw the good in him when nobody else had bothered to even try. She overlooked how nasty he had been to her friends and even to her in the past. She showed him the meaning of true friendship, opened her heart to him to give him nothing but love and care. By her side, he started considering different ways of conceiving the world. She believed in him as he evolved into a person who hated everything the mark under on his left forearm meant. In the last year and a half, (Y/N) had become the person he probably cared for the most (apart from his parents, if the Dark Mark was a testament to something). Now she was there, bleeding on the cold, wet floor of Myrtle’s bathroom as the two boys and the ghostly girl sobbed for her.

After what seemed like hours, the miracle did come…in the form of Professor Snape. He quickly chanted a counter spell he had never heard of either. Draco concluded his aunt Bellatrix wasn’t a very good teacher as she was the one who taught him every Dark spell he knew. With one icy glare, Snape got Harry to let go of (Y/N) and took her to the hospital wing. Both boys followed behind him, their bloodied clothes alarming the whole school.

Three days later, both of them were still there, glaring at each other, waiting for (Y/N) to wake up. There were times when Draco thought she’d stay in her stupor forever. He buried his face in his hands, feeling empty and guilty, until he heard a gasp. She had woken up.

Draco rushed from his seat and took her hand. Harry had done just the same. As she squeezed both their hands, Draco and Harry shared a sigh.

“I am so sorry, (Y/N/N). I didn’t – “

“Don’t even start, Harry. I’ll scold you later,” (Y/N) interrupted. Even though she felt tired, (Y/N)’s voice had a bit of playfulness in it, which humoured Harry and brought warmth into Draco’s heart. (Y/N) gave Harry a meaningful look; her way of telling him she needed to talk to the Slytherin in private. He gave her a curt nod, not very convinced, but still let go of her hand.

“I’ll come later with Ron and ‘Mione,” he said.

Draco gave him a thankful nod as Harry closed the curtain around them. His heart was pounding hard as silence engulfed them again. Their eyes met. He felt relieved that she was with him, but also uneasy and guilty. (Y/N)’s eyes travelled to his left arm. She swallowed hard.

“Let me see it,” she said, her voice devoid of emotion.

Draco held his breath. His eyebrows furrowed in sorrow. He didn’t put up a fight when (Y/N) took his arm and gently pushed his sleeve up. (Y/N) knew what she would probably find under the sleeve. She thought she was prepared. And, of course, she wasn’t. She gasped loudly as she saw the black snake protruding from a skull’s mouth. She looked at the blond Slytherin, feeling the pain and disappointment seeping from her gaze, as well as a couple of tears. He didn’t meet her eyes. He was ashamed. The guilt, the pain, and the self-hatred were eating him up.

(Y/N) saw a few tears silently slipping from his eyes and her heart broke again. Draco sobbed. He was certain he had lost her now.

“I am so sorry, (Y/N/N). They made me do it. I had no choice…He’s going to kill my parents and I can’t –,” his pathetic little apology was cut short by his sobs. He was certain he was a bad person, but having to hold himself accountable in front of the one person that truly saw him for who he was felt unbearable.

He felt (Y/N)’s fingers gently caressing the dreadful mark. He mustered all of his courage to look at her and found a sympathetic expression that made him feel better. She pulled him to her and he gave her a hug. Draco started crying again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault,” he cried, bringing her closer to his chest as though she could disappear any minute.

She pushed him just a little, enough to allow her hands to travel to his face and clean his tears with her thumbs.

“Shh, Dray. Don’t cry. I know that mark isn’t you. I trust it isn’t you. I know you wouldn’t join them on your own volition,” she soothed.

(Y/N) made room for him on her bed and he slither in, careful not to hurt her in any way. He buried his face on (Y/N)’s neck as she whispered sweet nothings in his ear. She caressed his hair gently as Draco sniffled. He was still heavyhearted, but she felt like home and it made his heart swell.

“Dray”

“Yes?”

She thought about making him promise to make it right, to fight by her side. But she felt tired. Her body still ached. And, regardless of the circumstances, snuggling up to him felt wonderful. So, she closed her eyes and blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

“I love you,” she said almost inaudibly. Draco was so close he heard alright. He couldn’t believe she had actually said those three words for the first time under the circumstances. He didn’t hesitate to answer back.

“I love you too, (Y/N/N)”.

When Madam Pomfrey came around and opened the curtain, she found both (Y/N) and Draco fast asleep. Draco’s face was very close to (Y/N)’s neck. One of her hands was still buried in his platinum hair. And they looked so peaceful, the healer could only close the curtain and let them rest.

[thedreadvampy]

ok the thing I'm struggling to find words for in my mind tonight is. a deep discomfort with the framing that complex relationships to sexuality and gender are something exclusive to queerness. that cishet people's relationship to sexuality and gender is by definition simple. and that's a tempting idea and like, yeah, there's much less impetus for a cishet person to examine their sexuality and gender. but that doesn't mean there's no complexity to it. and this isn't intended as a Don't Be Mean To The Poor Straights post it's just. observably not true that no cishet person has a complex relationship to sexuality and gender.

queerness is a complicating factor in people's relationship to sexuality and gender - we are made more conscious of the ways we don't fit what's expected, our sexuality and gender is often what is used to justify marginalisation and it comes with a whole host of pain and joy because of that, and the way that queerness is marginalised forces us into direct conversation with our sexuality/gender

but queerness isn't the only complicating factor in people's relationships to sexuality and gender. like as a woman who is pretty Definitely Cis I still have a huge ongoing wrestle with my gender - it's female, but what that means and how that's expressed and how that affects how i move through the world is still complicated and fraught and often messy and contradictory. that doesn't make me trans but it does feel pretty alienating that in a lot of queer spaces there's this implied assumption that the only type of gender complexity is a discovery of non-cisness.

(and tbh a lot of the time that's fair because a lot of people aren't cis and as I say like. it's much easier to Never Have These Conversations (with others or with yourself) if you're cis. so a lot of cis people never really name their gender troubles because they're not brought face to face with them.)

but there are a lot of things that affect your relationship to your gender. for me, I know I'm a woman, but how I'm a woman is a messy question wrapped up in trauma, in misogyny, in bisexuality, in autism, in body image, in the specifics of who I am and how I relate to the world and how I want to be seen and why. and there kind of is a thing in a lot of IRL queer spaces I hang out in where people jump straight to diagnosing me with Trans of Gender if I try to discuss a complex relationship with womanhood, or a desire to present as GNC, or a discomfort with being performed in certain gendered ways. and for a lot of people that is a step on the route but as far as I can tell it's not for me, I've spent many years trying out the shape of different genders because I had got into a headspace that any complexity in my relationship to genders must mean I was Not Cis, and for me it just didn't fit, womanhood remained the best fit. and I don't regret that, I think in an ideal world everyone should push themselves to question their gender and try out and see what good, and some people are just statistically gonna be cis like. it would be a weird numbers game for absolutely nobody's gender and sex to line up.

but I'm getting sidetracked. I was thinking about how cis and het people have the capacity for equally complex relationships to gender and sexuality as anyone else, and why that's important.

(I've never been straight or even thought I was straight, but I have occasionally talked to straight people and like. I have never met anyone, straight or queer, with a simple and uncomplicated relationship to their own sexuality - is it right, is it socially acceptable, there's shame, there's trauma, there's confusion, there's gendered and racialised and ableist baggage)

and like. it isn't that sexuality and gender aren't less of a fraught space for cishet people as a group than for queer people as a group. obviously in a group that faces a history and present of marginalisation and active violence on the basis of sexuality and gender, those are more intense complexities, and because of that there's also more intense joy as well as intense conflict. we are able to build community through marginalisation. we're brought face to face with our complex relationships to ourselves and because we can't ignore it we have built the language and community and frameworks to explore it and revert in it in a way many cis het people haven't.

but.

understanding intersectionality means understanding that as much as the marginalisation of queerness is bound up in the complexity of our relationships to gender and sexuality, so are power structures of race and gender and health and neurodivergence and wealth and class and geography and culture and language and religion and politics and education.

ultimately sexuality and gender are a huge element in how we relate to the world and our bodies and ourselves. and how the world relates to us. and there isn't a person on earth for whom that's 100% simple.

and idk I think a) to pretend that cishet people can't experience their bodies and themselves in a complex way is just a denial of reality, b) it simplifies out the many intersections of identity and power in all of us (even the straightest cisest manliest rich white dude) that make our social and personal identities messy and intricate and c) it gets in the way of us building meaningful intracommunity solidarity through a shared understanding of the beauty and pain and infinite variety of gender and sexuality

also idk. it's weird to me. to me it posits that to be cis, to be straight, to be allosexual and alloromantic, is a default whereas queerness is a deviation. and I just don't believe that, I don't think there's a 'normal' and uncomplicated Default State and then everyone outside it is a complication. I think there's value in embracing that othering in the world we live in, where we need to find strength in anger and in resistance, but I don't think it represents a truth about the world as much as a reclamation of the weapons used against us.

to me it feels similar to the way that white people thinking of ourselves as aracial and everyone else as racialised is an act of unconscious white supremacy. or the way that people are really keen to draw a sharp line between the Disabled Other and the Healthy Normal People. the idea that there's Normal People and Diverse People isn't...good...really? and this is in itself a messy issue because I do think there's a lot of power and value in taking pride in the complexity and thoughtfulness of queer relationships to sex and gender and I don't think there's some great evil in joking at the expense of the privileged. but when that starts to inform your actual serious thinking I think it can be counterproductive because erasing the complexity of cishet identities and acting as if any complexity in relationship to sexuality and gender means someone's Wrong About Being Straight/Cis is kind of reinforcing the otherising of queerness.

ughhhhh this is why I say it's hard to find words. because to me now it sounds like I'm saying 'don't suggest people might be queer' and like. do do that. we're in a world where that space isn't left open for the vast majority of people and straight or not, cis or not, allo or not, I think pretty much everyone benefits from having the space and community and language to have a conversation with their own identity. but that's kind of my thing like that conversation doesn't have a right answer. the conversation needs to have room for a model of straightness and a model of cisness that doesn't immediately slam the door on further exploration.

(also I've mostly been taking about cishet people here but let's be honest it's really a question of cis AND/OR het. one thing I'm finding really difficult at the moment is that there seems to be a lot of conversations about queerness and gender expression which conflate GNCness and a complex relationship to gender exclusively with being trans, and a lot of the time talk about how being a woman and being sapphic affect your relationship to gender are understood as less authentic explorations where they incorporate cis gendered identities. and a lot of discussions about complex cis wlw relationships to gender and womanhood get coopted by terfs who think that because their complex experience of gender is a cis one that means all complex experiences of gender are cis ones being wishfully misinterpreted (this is because TERFs have. no capacity or will to imagine experiences beyond their own, apparently) and that leaves. for me. often very little room to authentically discuss and explore with others my own identity as a cis wlw who uses she/her pronouns and still has a complex relationship to gender. and indeed as someone whose attraction to men (and no it's not straight but it's different-gender) is as textured and complex as her attraction to women. like it's a long way off the top of the list of Things To Worry About but I think about it a lot.)

[truitt-story]

soft pink: a pride playlist for tiana

1. She by Dodie 2. Strawberry Blond by Mitski 3. Jackie Onassis by Sammy Rae 4. Sofia by Clairo 5. Hi. by Lauren Sanderson 6. Bad Love by The Aces 7. Caroline by Brandi Carlile 8. Cloud 9 by Beach Bunny (feat. Tegan and Sara) 9. Pynk by Janelle Monae (feat. Grimes) 10. Run to Me by Brittany Howard

Ok I already did one of these so I’m not gonna get SUPER in-depth but I wanted to talk about this a little! The idea I had for this playlist is that Tiana is very much an “I’m an independent woman I don’t have time for crushes!!!” type but the second she starts to catch feelings she’s a total romantic and I wanted to make a playlist all about those walls coming down. SO. Here’s a SHORT track by track breakdown.

1. She by Dodie

This song is just so #soft and sweet. I like the beginning with “Am I allowed to look at her like that” because that just feels so REAL to having a crush (esp as a queer woman I feel like) where you’re like oh no. Can she tell. AAAH.

2. Strawberry Blond by Mitski

Ok full disclosure I really was trying to do songs by queer artists about explicitly queer subject matter and I have absolutely no idea if Mitski identifies as queer (tbh it is probably none of my business!) but this song just FELT very fitting for this playlist and another one that feels like the beginning of a crush. 

3. Jackie Onassis by Sammy Rae

I looove this song. It’s about all the different reasons you can be attracted to someone-- their confidence, their intelligence, their fashion sense, their looks, and maybe something kind that they did for you! And I love the idea of falling for a person who makes you want to be more confident and come into your own more. Because that’s beautiful!!!

4. Sofia by Clairo

This song to me is about that in-between stage-- that “what are we” moment. And even though Tiana can be very opinionated, I think when it comes to stuff like this she’s a lot more hesitant. It’s basically why her last relationship fell apart-- she couldn’t take the leap to commit to the relationship because she had a lot of baggage she was working through.

5. Hi. by Lauren Sanderson

Another kind of #angst song about not really knowing where you stand. And this is more for a relationship where you’re with someone who you really want to help but you just don’t know how. Tiana loves hard and loves to help people, and I can see her getting into this kind of situation.

6. Bad Love by The Aces

This song is all about shaking off anyone who has anything negative to say about your queerness! I thought it was a good progression from the previous two songs about being unsure about getting into a relationship-- now you feel certain, and you don’t care what anyone thinks.

7. Caroline by Brandi Carlile

I loooove this song it’s just so cute. Silly song about being in love and QUEER ICON ELTON JOHN HELPED WRITE IT. Need I say more.

8. Cloud 9 by Beach Bunny (feat. Tegan and Sara)

Another happy relationship song. Something cool about this song is that when Tegan and Sara featured on it, they specifically went in and changed the pronouns to be gender-neutral. I just thought that was cool!

9. Pynk by Janelle Monae feat. Grimes 

This song is just a bop and it’s just celebrating wlw relationships/experiences. I don’t have much more to say except Janelle Monae is an icon.

10. Run to Me by Brittany Howard 

I just thought this was a good closer. It’s about feeling totally secure and happy with someone, and running home to them at the end of the day and the comfort that comes with that. 

[notasecunit]

Human genetic diversity is wonderfully abundant in these books, and the cover art in the States that only ever shows Murderbot in EVAC suits or armour leaves us all the joy of seeing whatever future mixed heritage we want to see inside the armor. I've only got a few book-canon character design convictions here:

0) No sex hormones, no gender, no digestive system (lucky bastard.)

1) Murderbot is lanky and mean, since most of it's actual attacks are based on speed and sneakiness. Also there is just too much Terminator baggage with a heavier build.

2.a) Murderbot is basically rocking less than 2cm of hair until ART messes with it.

2.b) Murderbot does not know how to do anything with it's hair other than "grow slightly more of it" until ART introduces it to hair gel this one time. No fancy haircuts, and sounds like hair length maxed out around 10cm, or somewhere short of being a shaggy bigfoot.

3.a) Murderbot doesn’t stand out in crowds. There are only human organics visible above a high shirt collar, though I'd buy in to some non-organic joins showing in its hands.

3.b) Corallary to not giving a crap: it’s not into self decoration, jewelry, or anything beyond “maybe taking a real shower sometimes.” Personal takes: 1.) Anything goes on the eyes; I doubt there’s any meaningfully organic parts beyond some nerve bits. If I need an illustrators crutch for implied cyborgs then I CHOOSE GLOWING EYES. Also I’m gonna need that for drone drawings.

2.) Awkward skin and metal joins on the rest of the body. This is not a cool-looking hybrid. Sadly this means I have to figure that all out since Murderbot spends so much time being damaged. 3.a) On the gender problem: In order to imply toughness or combat ability, many people lean towards imagining heavy builds and hyper masculine traits. In order to imply “not actually male”, there can be a tendency to then lean towards then adding female decorative makeup. In the end, you get “a whole lot of gender” instead of “opting out of all of that”. So I’m keeping this blog for fun and I get to rant: Many artists denote “female” by leaning hard on puffy lips, implied eye-makeup, straight-up makeup, childlike jaws, and either dramatic stick limbs or sweeping curves. Many XX humans don’t actually look like that, so “no sex hormones” is going to look uncomfortably male to a lot of viewers. That’s okay; tall and mildly muscular XX humans with short hair and no makeup also look “uncomfortably male” to United States culture, ask me how I am reminded of that on a daily basis whenever I leave the house. (Every grocery store trip is someone’s educational moment in my boring gendertrolling life since I precipitate pronoun panics in 80% of my interactions with strangers. Worst: I really wish they just, like, wouldn't. "Hey you" would be perfectly functional instead of "SirMa'amSirAreYouA...?") 3b. So to the easy stuff: no sex hormones means no extra estrogen: no developed breasts, no extra fat padding on the hips or arms. No extra testosterone means no dramatic decorative body hair, no extra muscles that aren’t made of robotic cheating, no extra bone development on the jaw or forehead. Easy. Done.

90% of you are going to say I’m drawing a male. Except anyone who has seen Raindove.

...I need to not add the hashtag “character design angst” to every post in the rest of this blog, but ugg, the temptation.

[bigendering]

Hey, I just found your blog. I'm biologically female and always used she/her. But also been on the more tomboy side I guess, never really fit in with 'normal' girls. The last months I just really want he/him pronouns...I keep wanting to look more like a guy + feel pretty disphoric expecially the non flat chest part of me. But i don't want to full 'give up' my female side either. Ugh it's so hard cus I know people in my family will find it super hard and everything...

Yeah questioning/transitioning is rough. Before you try to wrap your head around everything, I would put your family aside for the moment. I’m sure they’re important to you and you’ll want to consider their feelings at some point, but what other people think doesn’t have an impact on who you actually are, and being who you are authentically will be much better for you in the long run, and if they have to, your family will adjust alright. There are ways to make it easier for them if it comes to that, but thinking about them now will just make things harder for you.

Good news: you don’t have to give up your female side! Male and female have a lot of meanings and each meaning has a lot of baggage so I’m not entirely sure which part you’re talking about, but it’s always possible to be both. Bigender people exist, women who use he/him pronouns and physically transition exist, guys (cis and trans) who wear “female” clothing exist, trans guys who don’t get top surgery exist, combinations of all of these features exist in real people, in real life. You don’t have to commit to changing anything you don’t want to. You can start using he/him pronouns and changing your presentation without giving up womanhood, and see how it goes. Maybe you’ll want to do more, maybe that’s what you’re happy with, or maybe you’ll decide you don’t like it, and can go back. But no matter what, you don’t have to give up anything*. You can just add things.

*with the exception of cis, relatively gender conforming outward status. And that is rough, but I don’t think it’s what you were talking about? But also that is a choice every person who transitions has to face, and it’s better to make that decision knowing who you are and what you want outside of social pressures, so you can really understand the possibilities that would result from either choice.

There’s a lot here and I know I haven’t given nearly all the help you need, so feel free to send another ask, or message. Also sorry I didn’t answer sooner - like the last ask, either I missed this somehow or tumblr ate it for a few weeks.

Sapphire

[the-dragon-fried-my-homework]

Reasons I love the Penumbra Podcast (or at least the Junoverse because I don't start Second Citadel till tomorrow)

It's casual and totally normalized representation of LGBTQ+ characters!! Like, everyone is just who they are and it's never questioned at all. And no one is EVER cisgendered.

But Juni Steel himself was particularly powerful for me, for a lot of reasons. He was exactly the character I needed in my life, and I am SO, SOOOOO eternally grateful to @browncoatparadox and our friend for introducing me to him.

For one, I've struggled a lot with understanding my own gender and sexuality. Gender especially. I identity as a nonbinary trans man, but because I don't really mind presenting super feminine sometimes and find certain typically feminine nicknames endearing, there is a part of me that questioned whether or not I was ~actually~ trans. And there's Juno Steel, who is arguably the most masculine presenting character in the series and uses he/him pronouns, REGULARLY calls himself a lady and wears beautiful dresses. And it's completely normal!! And holy shit, for the first time it really hit me that, you know what? It doesn't fucking matter!! What matters is that I am true to myself and do what makes me feel happy and empowered. Talk about freeing. ❤❤❤

But Juno was also SUPER powerful to me as someone who suffers from debilitating anxiety and depression. Penumbra came into my life at one of the lowest points in my life. I was 100+ miles from home, surrounded by people that treated me like shit and made me question my own worth, with no access to prescription medications that helped a lot, with ALL manner of things going wrong in my personal life. I reached a point where I didn't give a shit about anything, even things that I once strived and sacrificed for. I saw myself reflected in Juno's complete apathy toward the world, in his recklessness and hopelessness and his self-destructive tendencies searching for SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could being him some bit of feeling for even just a minute.

And to see him grow over the seasons... Holy. Shit. Seeing him go out into the world and keep fighting, even when it seemed pointless. Finding people to love and who love him even with all of his baggage, finding a reason to keep going. Seeing him go from wanting to die to wanting to LIVE, and to FIGHTING for his own life, from running away to wanting to stay... Life is still hard. I still have bad days and there are days where I can't do anything but cry. But I KNOW I can keep going. I know that it will pass and that even when everything seems wrong, the WORLD IS STILL BEAUTIFUL AND STILL WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

So yeah... Listen to the Penumbra Podcast!! If you want all of the LGBTQ+ rep, space western noirs Sherlock Holmes, if you want, slow burn romance, best friends full of passion and energy and life... It saved my life freshman year, and it might just save yours too.

[starswallowingsea]

Growing Up Trans and AlloAro

Or whatever the hell this essay turned out to be. Under the cut because this got long (like 1340 words long). 

---

When I was younger, I never quite fit with the word “girl,” but I thought it was just because I didn’t like playing with dolls like other girls my age. I spent my first two years of school playing spies on the playground and sticking my tongue to frozen poles (and yes, it is painful but I somehow managed to not get in trouble for it). 

I would sit in our office--soon to be my baby brother’s room--and build towers out of his foam blocks and make stories for people that lived in cities I built on SimCity on our old desktop. Even with my girl friends, I would get confused about why they were talking about liking boys and getting crushes. 

I remember sitting in my friend’s basement during a freezing winter in North Dakota and she was shocked when I told her I had never seen Drake and Josh before and then grabbing her Magic 8ball and asking it if she would fall in love with Drake. 

I moved to Wisconsin a year later and had a hard time making friends. I thought we would just move again so I only talked with a handful of people in our already small school district. We would play dolls and teacher and I would get bored most days, wanting to play with the boys and make up stories. 

It was around the time that he left that I knew I was different from the other kids. They were starting to date each other as early as 3rd grade. We would tease our friends about who they were dating but I never understood why they dated in the first place. For the first few years, I would deflect questions about crushes by saying I still liked someone from my old school, but that only worked for so long. 

In 8th grade I started questioning my sexuality for the first time. I wasn’t really sure who I liked, because I didn’t really like anyone at that point. There was one kid I thought was attractive and always used him as my scapegoat when asked about crushes so nobody would know. I did like him, but it felt different than I knew my cishet peers thought about their crushes, just based on the way they talked about them. I thought I was asexual, because the internet in 2014 didn’t like to talk about aromanticism, much less than it does now anyway. 

So I joined tumblr in like, 2015, the summer between 8th grade and freshman year of high school and posted about asexuality, being nonbinary, toontown rewritten, all the stuff that 14-15yos are into. For a while I identified as heteroromantic asexual, and then nonbinary asexual quoiromantic, and then aromantic asexual and nonbinary? Or maybe I was really cis? 

And it went like that, back and forth between a few labels. I never felt like I could tell anybody, because I went to a small school and heard all the comments people made about the LGBTQ community and what my parents said about trans people and the messages preached at church. 

When I was about 16, I realized I wasn’t ace at all. I thought maybe I was a nonbinary aro lesbian, or maybe bisexual. Tumblr in 2016/17 was very against having attraction to men at all in the circles I found myself in and I pushed those feelings down so I wouldn’t make people uncomfortable. I forced myself to be attracted to women when I really wasn’t at all. Every other post about bisexuality was talking about how beautiful women were and how disgusting men were. I never felt comfortable talking about my attraction to men in public, or even in private. I felt even more uncomfortable talking about maybe being bisexual and aromantic. At this point, alloaros were practically unheard of and there weren’t a ton of trans aces, so finding someone to talk to about my identity was hard, to say the least. I just simply was alloaro, but that word didn’t exist yet and I couldn’t find anyone else who was aromantic and not asexual. 

That’s how I lived for another 2 years, as a nonbinary aro lesbian (or maybe bisexual). This was around the same time as I got involved in truscum/tucute discourse. I’ve always been minimally dysphoric about my body and got attacked for it by truscum and it would take me another 2 years to realize that I was actually a trans man. Because I started associating trans men with truscum and I didn’t want to be like them because they were always the nastiest people I had ever come across (I’ve obviously since outgrown this view point and am comfortable identifying as a man now). 

Another two years later and I’m outside a Thiesen’s with my parents picking up stuff for my graduation party that was happening later. My feet hit the pavement and I get a thought that said “maybe I’m a guy.” I stopped for a second and kept walking in, thinking about that, trying out he/him pronouns with myself and decided before we checked out that I was a trans guy. 

It took a while to get used to thinking about myself that way and I still use they/them pronouns. A few days after solidifying my gender identity, I realized I was aro and bisexual (or maybe gay). Labeling my sexuality came much easier, realizing I was a man. I’m still aromantic and that’s one thing that’s been pretty constant in my life. I never really got crushes in the typical way and I still don’t, even though you all see me reblogging yearning posts. I think that’s a byproduct of wanting to touch people in non-romantic and non-sexual ways in our society where touches have a lot of baggage with them. 

I came out as bisexual and aromantic to my roommates in September. It came up in casual conversation and I felt comfortable enough to tell them, since they were all from the city and city-folk tend to be more accepting of queer identities (not to rag on rural folk, since I am one, but rural Wisconsin is not the place you want to grow up trans and queer). One of them came out as straight in October on coming out day and I forced myself back into the closet on coming out as trans. We had a falling out with her earlier this semester and she moved out. 

Literally the night she moved out, I came out to the other two roommates as trans and they took it very well! They call me by my preferred name when we’re around people I’m out to and they even bought me a trans flag that we have hanging in the common room of our dorm (and at least one person has told me they say “trans rights!” whenever they pass by as soon as they found out it was mine). I’m still working on being socially out at college and need to call gender inclusive housing at some point, but I keep putting that off. 

And recently I’ve decided I’m trans, aro, and queer. I still use the word bisexual, but really thinking about what genders I’m attracted to is super complicated and the word bisexual doesn’t convey that to most people. And queer just fits better some days. 

I don’t really have a tl;dr for this, but if I had to pick something from this to hammer home, it would be that it’s okay to change labels and question your identity. It’s okay to change labels frequently or once every few years if you feel like they’ve changed! It’s never too late to figure out who you are and there will always be people who will accept you for who you are. 

Also tumblr is the worst place to try and figure out your identity, but sometimes its all people have and I want my blog to be a safe space for people questioning their identities. 

[sf-akahana]

B Support (snzfic)

Fi//re Em//blem 3 Houses fic based of Dorothea's B support with Byleth.  This is written from Dorothea's perspective and I copied the lines straight from how it's written in game, so you might want to watch both the female and male version of that conversation if the dialog reads a little stiff sorry.  The voice acting in both English and Japanese is good anyway so I suggest it.  I purposefully used gender neutral pronouns so you can pick which ever version on Byleth you prefer.  Hope you enjoy my frantic 5am thirst ramblings

-------------------------------------------------

I can’t help but grumble a bit to myself as I reread the notes from today’s lecture; even though I wrote everything down it feels like I didn’t retain any of it.  It’s not my fault though, Professor Byleth’s just so distracting!  How am I supposed to focus on what they’re saying when they’re looking at me like that?!  I heave a heavy sigh and try to focus my attention back on the lesson, when I’m interrupted by a familiar monotone voice.

“What’s wrong?”

I whip around in surprise - speak of the devil.  There they are with their blank expression and piercing gaze, and as our eyes meet I already start to feel my ears heat up.  Dammit.

“Professor?!  I – Oh… don’t worry.  It’s nothing.”

They quietly accept my answer and seemingly wait for me to go back to my work.  Under normal circumstances I would have appreciated it, but honestly this is getting ridiculous.  I can’t be constantly distracted by my own teacher; I have to find a way around this or else there’s no reason for me to be here!!  I take a second to gather my thoughts before I meet their eyes again.

“Actually, could we talk for a bit?  Somewhere a little more...private?”

I work hard to come across as sincere as possible; it’s too easy to let flirtation slip into a question like that and get brushed off.  Their expression barely changes, little more than raising their eyebrows, but it’s enough that I know they understood.  I don’t bother to wait for an answer as I turn around and walk out the dinning hall towards the first floor dorm rooms.  Not long after a set of footsteps click on the stone pathway just behind me.  I use the silence of our walk to come up with a good way to start this conversation, but by the time we close my bedroom door behind us I still don’t have the right words.  We stand facing each other saying nothing for a few moments before I decide to throw caution to the wind.

“I’m just gonna come right out and say it.  I find you a little difficult to be around.  I know, I know.  I’m your student and you’re just trying to watch out for me.  But the way you look at me sometimes… it’s like you’re seeing right through me.”

The change in their expression is again subtle, but I’ve always been pretty good at reading others.  They’re a person of few words, and I can see the gears turning in their head as they carefully choose the right ones.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize.  I know you don’t mean anything bad by it.  I’m just self-conscious, I guess.  The thing is, I don’t have anything to call my own.  No land, no birthright, no fortune.  Little knowledge or battle skill.  I think that’s why I always clung to my popularity as a diva.  Even after leaving the stage behind, I sort of kept up the act.  When I look at you, it’s like your eyes are accusing me… Telling me that you see right through it.  That’s what I mean when I say it’s difficult to be around you.”

I didn’t mean to get so personal with the professor and to dump all my baggage on them, but now that I’ve started I just can’t stop.  And of course, they just stand their quietly and let me ramble uninterrupted.  I take a deep breath and meet their piercing eyes again, the heat moving from my ears to my cheeks as an idea forms in my head.

“Hey, uh, this might be nuts, but maybe you could show me some kind of weakness of yours?”

“Excuse me?” Their eyes immediately widen in shock, and though not as much as other people this is the most expression I’ve gotten this whole conversation.  The reaction gives me a little confidence as I continue on with my silly request.

“You know my biggest fear.  If I know one of yours, maybe I’ll feel less, I don’t know… vulnerable.”

They look pensive for a moment, hesitation clear to see as they seemingly way the pros and cons.  I’m not oblivious as to how showing a student your weakness could be uncomfortable or embarrassing, but honestly that’s what I’m going for.  Anything to humanize them.

“Well, if it would really help...”

“Excellent.  Well then, don’t mind me.”  Just as they promised they wait patiently as I quickly try to think of something to get a reaction out of them. Something ridiculously human, something involuntary.  Tickling maybe?  Though they are wearing a lot of clothing, they might be able to endure it.  The only thing exposed is their...face - that’s perfect!!  I couldn’t quite help my grin as I fiddled through my gift drawer.  Right on top was a pretty white owl feather, the very same one Professor Byleth gave me for my birthday over tea not but a few weeks ago.  I’ve been meaning to sew into into my cap, but now I’m glad I haven’t gotten around to it yet.  I have to keep myself from skipping back across the room as I hold up the feather just above their beautifully pointed nose.

“Is this still ok, Professor?”  With a small look of reluctance, they take a deep breath and nod their head.  Though there’s no color across their cheeks, their eyes drift away from mine as I tip their chin back slightly, and I will happily take that as a show of embarrassment at this oddly intimate act.  From this angle it was hard not to notice Byleth’s beautiful skin and perfect jaw, but then no ever one said the professor isn’t attractive.  I take a deep breath of my own before stealing my nerves and starting on my work.

The first touch of the feather to their upturned nose gets little reaction, but I’m in no hurry right now.  I take my time tickling around the nostrils and up the septum.  It’s almost mesmerizing watching the muscles around the nose tick slightly at the sensation, a little scrunch of the nose here and a shallow sniff there.  Soon their nostrils are flushed pink under the attention of the feather, Byleth’s eyes squinting up at the ceiling and their arms crossed tightly across their chest to deal with the itch.  It’s only then that I decide it’s time to get the real reaction I’m looking for.

As I ease the feather slowly into their left nostril their nose immediately scrunches up, a gasp muffled through their teeth and a visible shudder tensing their shoulders.  I can feel my grin stretch across my face; this is exactly what I’m looking for.  It makes me feel in control, a little sadistic even.  I keep my fingers underneath their chin as I twirl the tickly tool deeper into their nostril, the tip of the feather brushing lightly against their sinuses, and soon I’m treated by their first desperate sound; a little whine as their nostrils flare out trying to escape the tickling.  I’m treated to more gasps and soft noises as I continue to tease the sensitive spot I found, and it isn’t long until Byleth is hitching in earnest.

“ah! hihh...hhIh-hIHh!! ehh-hIH!”

They’re shoulders are tensed up so they don’t jerk away from me and their hands have moved from their chest to hovering just below mine, ready to catch the sneezes when I finally bring it out of them.  Though it seems they were too impatient to wait for me to finish it, as a sharp sniff triggeres a desperate breath in preparation for the fit.  They quickly pushed my hands away and back up a few steps, though to my delight they don’t obscure their face as they finally tip over the edge.

“hhHIHHHhh- AT’chuhh!! A’tchh! ‘tchuh!  hehh’eTCHhu!!  hiih...hEH!  ATCHhhu!! snff snf...”

Byleth pulls a nice handkerchief out of their coat as the fit comes to an end, and I stand pink cheeked and a little speechless as they clean themselves up.  Weirdly enough I’ll say I’m even a bit starstruck.  Usually a display so dramatic and impolite would take away from one’s attractiveness, but under these circumstances I can honestly say that it kind of has the opposite effect.  I quickly shake out of my thoughts as they clear their nose a final time, and my grin quickly spreads over my face once more.

“Goddess’ blessings, wow Professor that was dramatic.  I don’t mind though, you have pretty cute sneezes.  Next time you gaze into my soul, I know just how I’ll retaliate!”  I can’t help but giggle as I tease them a little, hoping to get just one more reaction out of them.  Byleth just smiles slightly though and doesn’t rise to my bait, no pink cheeks or nothing.  I let myself pout.

“Come on!  I thought that was funny.  I swear it’s like your heart isn’t even beating.”  Without missing a beat and with a completely black expression, they come back with-

“Actually, my heart isn’t beating.”

“Ha, don’t be so silly… Huh?  It really isn’t beating?! - Is what I’d say if I were more gullible.  You’re just fooling around, Professor.  I’m not sure how you did it, but that was a good one.”

___________________________________

|                                                                     |

| Byleth and Dorothea’s                                 |

| support level is now B!                                |

| Their motivation has also increased.           |

|___________________________________|

[nottskyler]

Dear In-Laws,

I gave you the pamphlet about Transgender people from the National Center for Transgender Equality in hopes that you would understand more of what I’m going through and why I decided to transition. I honestly feel like you never read it because how could you read it and then decide that continuing to use my dead name and pronouns was a good idea?

What I want you to know was repeated several times in different ways: “Trying to repress or change one’s gender identity doesn’t work; in fact, it can be very painful and damaging to one’s emotional and mental health.”,  “Telling someone that a core part of who they are is wrong or delusional and forcing them to change it is dangerous, sometimes leading to lasting depression, substance abuse, self-hatred, and even suicide.”, “For some transgender people, the difference between the gender they are thought to be at birth and the gender they know themselves to be can lead to serious emotional distress that affects their health and everyday lies if not addressed.”. Or in my own words, I’ve been broken and lost all my life and I found the way to heal, be supportive and love me in my efforts. I would not dare walk down this path if it wasn’t so that I could be made whole through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I realize a major issue that leaves people from understanding what it means to be transgender is that all the definitions and explanations out there talk about it in scientifically sterile terms. That’s their job since individual experience is varied. I also think the major discourse around whether or not a person has gender dysphoria has been a major negative in this realm as well, leaving people to believe that people are doing this just for fun.

Here is what it really has been like. I have had depression as long as I can remember. I don’t remember too much past puberty, so I think that was the start of it all. Beyond after school activities and school and homework, I had no life because I was depressed. My “hobby” was to take naps which was really to cry or just lay there without the strength to do anything. This is why I pushed myself into so many different activities because I knew I had no strength to do anything on my own. My fun-loving personality that loved to sing and dance and do exciting things was rapidly eroding.

I simply assumed that it was simply the ails of being a teenage girl in a world that hated teenage girls. I ate up a lot of feminist ideology and thought that my dissatisfaction with being female had to do with society at large because that’s what everyone says. I didn’t realize that normal girls did have some comfort in their own skin alone because that was when I felt it the worst.

I don’t think people understand how terrible it is to feel like a stranger in their own body, how alienating, how it hinders you from existing how you are want to exist. The experience in and of itself is terrible and people with body image issues really need to get help because it hurts and prevents you from living your life. Then, on top of all of that baggage, comes the debilitating depression and suicidal thoughts that I’ve fought the majority of my life. I’ve had therapy and I’ve learned how to cope and handle these thoughts, but they still keep coming no matter how much I try to avoid negative thinking and the downward spiral.

Turns out what triggers those thoughts and feelings is my body. Any movement or seeing myself in a mirror or any reminder of what I am on the outside send this feeling my way no matter how much I try to change my perception of myself and my body or my identity and the gender assigned to me at birth. I have tried so hard to be comfortable in my own skin, but it is my own skin against me. I had no power and I was losing more and more of myself every day, laying in bed without the energy and motivation to get up and face a new day. 

Then I discover that what I am experiencing is gender dysphoria. An idea I had avoided my entire life because being “trans is a choice” and “trans women/men aren’t real women/men”. I knew I was a goner when I was standing in a changing room full of women and wished they saw me as a trans woman. I knew at that moment that my perception of trans people was wrong and that I was in their same shoes. In that moment, I committed to living my life as a woman because I felt that was what Gd wanted from me, but Gd sent the challenge from President Nelson to read the Book of Mormon so I would quickly learn that I was wrong in that regard as well.

Without cultural pressures within the Church and the conservative environment in which I was raised, the choice would be between being in bed all day, depressed and unable to get myself to do projects that took more than a few hours or take a bold step and begin to transition and start to have a life again. It wouldn’t be a question without the beliefs and worldview that trans people are lying and pretending just to get places.

If there is a choice in being trans, it is choosing to live instead of dying every day. I wanted to be present in my own life and made this choice. Gd understood what was necessary to get me on the path and gave me all the spiritual blessings and change of heart that I’ve been seeking my entire life to show me that this was my path, that this was the only way for me to gain my own exaltation. And it is clear how this is true because I can’t serve when I’m stuck in bed, I can’t radiate the spirit of love when it takes all my love to keep me living, I can’t experience the joy of the gospel when I am living in despair. I am choosing life and you are rejecting me for it.

I know the truth of my existence challenges your worldview and that is something difficult to cope with, but I had hoped you had enough love in you to choose love over being right. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about changing your worldview, repentance would be incomplete without it. You are rejecting me and the Gospel of Jesus Christ by choosing to dead name me. Nothing you do will be able to take my testimony of my identity away from me. The only thing you can do is harm the relationship and trust we had.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about agency and choice. You have the choice to love me for who I am or to support ideologies that are not founded in doctrine or science. You have the choice between distancing yourself from your son and his spouse or embracing a new understanding about the world and yourself. You have the choice to take a step of faith and trust or to spurn it in favor of the familiar and comfortable. I ask you to reconsider and to change course.

Sincerely,

Your son-in-law

Skyler

[ohrosalinds]

katherine mcnamara. genderfluid. they/them.  ／  rosalind cox just pulled up blasting fly by hilary duff — that song is so them! you know, for a twenty-four year old singer & actor, i’ve heard they’re really -capricious, but that they make up for it by being so +gregarious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say plaid shirts open with a white shirt underneath, thrift shop knick knacks, the smell of cinnamon, and childhood stardom. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble! ( vc: hilary duff, bridgit mendler & ana golja )

rosalind’s basically the same as they were the last time i played them, but i’ve edited a couple of things.  so here’s their new intro u know the drill like this to plot w them.  

rosalind’s 24, their birthday just passed at the beginning of the month.  

rosalind was born to laurel whittmore-cox on august fifth during a summer rainstorm.  rosalind’s father died months before their birth and they still to this day do not know much about him.  but they never minded.  their mom, and their maternal grandfather gus were more than enough.  

rosalind was “discovered” at the age of two.  they were at their mother’s office ( laurel’s a producer for movies & tv shows ) and it started a career for the redheaded baby.  mostly print ads for a while, a couple of tv shows and movies but nothing big.  that is until rosalind was nine years old and was cast as the titular role in disney’s lizzie mcguire.  and they dyed their hair blonde for the role. 

honestly, it was a dream.  rosalind’s mother was an executive producer and rosalind really loved playing lizzie.  it was her favorite thing.  she was excited to go to work every day.  her friends were great.  she loved her tv family.  and it was fun playing a role that really felt at home, as she was going through similar things as lizzie at the time of the show.  since rosalind was in middle school at the time when lizzie was airing.  

when rosalind was eleven years old ( and four months, not that that’s a needed detail ) they were going through this period of discovery.  figuring out who she wanted to be, as lizzie’s final season was filming.  they had just found music as an outlet and were working on writing and coming up with their own things, hoping to release something after lizzie ended.  

during this time rosalind read something and was watching a lot of television and something struck the blonde.  following research and time of discovery, rosalind found out about the term genderfluid.  and after reading about it and learning more.  it was like a lightbulb moment and they were like “this is it.  that’s me.”  and they decided to start using they/them pronouns because it felt right. 

rosalind told their family over dinner one night and while both laurel and gus were confused, they adjusted well.  it took laurel until rosalind was seventeen years old to finally not use “she/her” accidentally.  

but rosalind had this whole show riding on their shoulders and they just knew that this coming out was not going to be good.  people would talk and things would not end well for them, it could ruin the end of the series.  it was going to be a scandal, because it went against what the producers and execs wanted for their show’s star.  and, of course, lizzie was one of the number one shows on children’s programming right then too.  while everything was going on, still working on the final season, the problem was also that rosalind didn’t want to not use their pronouns because it’s who they are.  

so rosalind came out to the cast and the crew, to people whom they considered family.  it was a slow thing, not a big announcement, and people were mostly accepting.  by the end of the series filming, most of the people they worked with every day had adjusted to using the proper pronouns most of the time.   

rosalind thought they were finally free of the station and the pushy execs who only wanted their agenda pushed forward, other than working still with their record label for this music they had been creating.  but, as luck would have it, the producers and executives had gotten together to bring about a feature film for the show.  

and rosalind couldn’t say no, lizzie was still very much a part of who they were.  and getting to work with the people again ( even so soon after saying goodbye ) it was something they wanted to do.  

so after the small “break”, almost thirteen year old rosalind went off to italy to film this movie.  ( fact: they turned 13 while filming in italy ).

and while they were there with the cast and crew and people who loved and supported them, someone back home leaked their gender pronouns and caused a big stink.  

executives flew in when they were almost finished with filming and it was a big to do.  rosalind was scheduled to go on a tour after the film finished filming since their album was almost completed.  but the executives were nervous about what everything would be.  it was a lot of meetings and rosalind had to deal with the pressure of filming the movie and worrying about their own future and if the film they, and everyone else, worked so hard on would be released.  

the company did what they do best and decided that after the movie, rosalind should go on tour for their music right away.  so rosalind was rushed to a local studio to finish the final touches of the album, which was released before the film had finished.  

despite the immense pressure, rosalind was happy.  they were doing what they loved, writing music, acting, and singing.  

of course, going on a big tour meant rules and guidelines from the corporation.  a lot of them restricting what rosalind could say and talk about in interviews, which they had done before, but never to this same degree. now rosalind was completely restricted.  in fact, they had to read from a script and they had a personal handler from the company with them at all times. 

it didn’t help that they were touring for music on top of doing press for the lizzie film.  

it should have been the time of their life.  it really should have, but alas.  it was a time where rosalind was sleeping less and less every night and working on finding themself in the little spare time they had.  

it was building up a lot, taking a toll on the young teen.  

rosalind’s biggest personal problem with the press was that everyone who interviewed them was using she/her pronouns and completely ignoring the fact they’d even stated a preference for using they/them.  

it led to them having a bit of a …. MELTDOWN during an interview when they were asked a pretty terrible question.

footage went viral on tmz and mtv of rosalind pulling off their microphone in the middle of an interview, irate and yelling at who people later found out was their disney appointed handler,  “i’m sick of using the wrong pronouns for this bullshit! it’s not fair!”

the footage can still be found on multiple websites, and people tend to talk about it a lot still.  

the next thing they knew, the second half of the tour was cancelled, “creative differences” had been cited.  however, rosalind was still under contract with the record label, and even though they were basically blacklisted from working for quite some time, rosalind had to work on new music for a company that didn’t want them.  

rosalind released a second album soon after the end of the tour.  once their duties in the contract were finished and all obligations filled--rosalind left the company and went to “normal life”.  

the teen -- a redhead now, the blonde hair finally gone ( people called it shedding the disney baggage ) -- left los angeles to live with their grandpa gus outside of boston.  they maintained a job working at gus’ thrift/antique shop the little things.  and did their best to maintain a regular teenage existence.  which is hard when you spent your childhood on film.  

for a while, rosalind did a youtube channel in their later high school years.  sometimes they still post, but it’s sporadic if anything.  they used to do a lot of q&a videos.  they would often talk about working on music and talking about their gender identity and sexuality ( they’re pansexual ).  they wanted to have a voice for themselves, and doing something like that was the best way to do that. 

with everything, rosalind kept from saying anything outwardly bad about their old parent company.  people never understood why--when it was clear that they had been terribly unhappy and troubled at the old company.  

recently, rosalind has opened up about it.  they experienced a lot of wrongdoings from the company in their childhood, given the company’s outright display of their gender identity and how it didn’t fit with the image.  but rosalind still wished nothing but the best for the people whom they’d worked with.  there was nothing that the cast & crew had done wrong to them.  the people with whom they spent so many hours of their formative years were nothing but excellent and kind and hardworking people.  

they’re a people person, loving to be around other people.  but they’re also always a bit nervous about big crowds.  idk what it is.  one on one they’re amazing and chatty, but crowds make them nervous?  but stage stuff is wonderful? they can definitely hold themselves in a crowd or captivate a room.  

they’ve done a handful of made for television movies in the recent years.  recently they’ve released new music after a long period of nothing.  they did an extended play belong and a full length album then & now.  ( rosalind’s early music is canon hilary duff ie metamorphasis and hilary, which for rp purposes is called rosalind )  

rosalind is currently labelless.  they haven’t been with a parent label since everything at their old one blew up.  

they have a fear of being controlled by any company if they were to work for a specific label again, so they haven’t cared to look for one.  

maybe they’ll tour again in the future?? who knows.  

rosalind was recently cast to play DAPHNE BLAKE in an upcoming live action scooby doo television series.  

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Gabe!

You have been accepted for the role of CARADOC DEARBORN, with your requested faceclaim change to Michael B. Jordan! Your application was so lovely. I particularly loved how you showed Caradoc’s personality as having changed since his mother’s death and their close relationship was beautiful. I also enjoyed how you incorporated Caradoc’s role in the Order and how he’s not always as he seems. I am so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Gabe 

AGE: 22 

TIMEZONE: GMT-3 

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m really free lately so I can be around pretty easily, at least popping in every other day to do threads on most weeks. Weekends are a little busy for me, as I tend to take that aside for socializing, but on week days I’m pretty much always around. Especially in the evenings.

ANYTHING ELSE: [TRIGGERS REDACTED] As far as experience, I’ve been in several roleplay groups on tumblr for the past 8 years or so, many of them Harry Potter (and mostly marauders) themed! In fact, my first RP experience was a marauders era group when I was about 14 and barely knew English, so writing in this world always feels a bit like coming home.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Caradoc Dearborn 

AGE: 28 

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis male, he/him/his, pansexual. If you asked him, though, you probably wouldn’t get so quick of an answer (you’d probably get a lecture instead). Truth is, coming from a pureblood family, gender and sexuality haven’t ever been topics in the foreground of his mind. He’s more of a liberal when it comes to it, he’ll be attracted to whoever he feels attracted to, and that’s the end of that; labels are for muggles. He’s sure his father would want him to have a pureblood wife to give him a pureblood heir to carry the family name, but Caradoc isn’t too worried about that for now. 

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood 

HOUSE ALUMNI: Hufflepuff 

ANY CHANGES: I’d love to play him as Michael B. Jordan, if that’s okay! I find that his face fits better with what I have in mind, and Michael also has more resources, from what I’ve researched so far. I’m pretty visual when it comes to building characters, and I like to use gifs whenever I can, so having a proper range of resources is important to me.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY: 

Caradoc’s personality can be divided into two big blocks of before and after – the big catalyst dividing them being his mother’s passing. He used to be all smiles and easy laughter before. Even with his parents’ constant warning, the severity of it all never used to bother him. He spent his years at Hogwarts charming away professors and making friends, and anyone would describe him as a laid back, easy-going bloke.

Now, not so much.In the current present, Caradoc has a lot more baggage weighing down on his shoulders. He is private, a lot more emotionally shut off, and his biggest focus is set on winning this war. Meeting new people and making friends isn’t his priority, and he doesn’t mind being called “boring” for not taking a joke if it means he’s keeping everyone in check. Contrary to popular belief, he is easily amused and can take a joke – he’s just not as good at externalizing it as everyone else. He has too much on his plate now, and most days, forcing out a smile feels like it might take all of his energy.

He is decisive to the point of stubbornness, and he’ll stand for what he believes in even if it drags him to an early grave, like a true Hufflepuff. He’s never been good with plants or caring for others’ health, like many others in his house, but he always had that same protectiveness in him. He’s empathetic and sensitive, carrying out what his mother had taught him, and his heart is bigger than his body, even if he doesn’t show it much.

A lot of people seem to trust him, and he doesn’t take that lightly. In fact, it’s part of the reason why he doesn’t worry about being called a stick-in-the-mud. He knows being more sober and stern is what makes him easy to trust, as opposed to many of his peers who are more out-going and childish. The amount of trust put on him doesn’t go unappreciated, and he always hopes to honor that sentiment.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

Caradoc was born to a Hufflepuff mother and a Slytherin father, and as you would expect from such a pair, Caradoc would say he got the best of both worlds.

His mother was a kind soul, gentle and optimistic even in the darkest of times, a strongly opinionated woman who never bowed down to the magical society’s standards  – it’s no wonder she ended up in Hufflepuff during her time at Hogwarts. She always made sure to cater to Caradoc’s softer side growing up, and he’s terribly grateful for it now. In the world they live in today, it’s more important than ever to be able to see the beauty in the small things, and if he still has the strength to hold on to any last slither of hope he has, he owes that to his mother.

Losing his mother made a great impact in Caradoc’s life. They were so close that he still feels as if a part of him died with her that day, and anyone who knew him before and after the incident might agree. He didn’t always carry the weight he does now, and he’d been a much different teenager. Once upon a time, when his biggest issues were simply potions lessons and house points, his face would light up with more ease and his laughter would boom across the dining halls more often than not. It was her death that changed him. He lost a best friend, his most important life support, and he vowed to never lose sight of what really matters, and make her fight count.

His father, who had always been a stricter parent, has found himself with hollow eyes and softer edges since the loss of his wife. He and Caradoc had never been too close, but grief pushed them together. For Caradoc, at sixteen, losing his mom felt like losing the glue that kept the family together. His father had always been caring, but he wasn’t a warm presence in their house; not distant, but callous, lacking some of the empathy that was so present in his wife’s personality.

Caradoc is closer to his father now than he was in teenage years, but he still wouldn’t say they’re good friends. They’re family, bonded through blood and grief more than anything, and as much as he loves his predecessor, he likes to keep things at an arms-length distance. The older man has very strict beliefs about how his son should live his life, ideals that are outdated and too biased, in Doc’s opinion, and on that they may never see eye-to-eye.

It hardly matters to Caradoc if he will find a pureblood woman to marry or not, let alone to have children with – he thinks bringing new children into their current world would be immoral, even. He doesn’t have time to think about futile things such as wedding plans when there’s a war happening in his backyard, though the idea forces its way across his mind weekly, every time his father mentions the possibility of an arranged union, if he fails to find someone for himself. The only thing that keeps him from caving to his father’s expectations is knowing that his mother, wherever she is, is probably rolling her eyes at them.

OCCUPATION: 

Caradoc is an Obliviator, working for the ministry (and most of all, the Order) to keep their world safe behind closed doors. He likes to believe it’s the right field for him, as he’s able to help others and make himself useful, but it’s not always an easy job when he finds himself in crossroads between morality and safety. It’s tiring, and it takes an emotional toll bigger than he ever expected it to.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER: 

Keeping himself and everyone else centered – that’s Caradoc’s main goal.He’s aware of what the others say, and he’s been called many names, everything from hyper-focused to stick-in-the-mud, but it doesn’t bother him. If no one else will take the role of bad cop, he’ll gladly do so, and remind everyone that this is not a book club or meetings for afternoon tea, their fight has to come first. It’s easy for him to feel out of place in there, even as a member of the inner circle. Sometimes, it feels like he operates on a completely different system than the other members, at least emotionally. Overall, he has genuine faith that they can win this – otherwise he would’ve given up by now –, even if he’s not always so trusting of all the members.

SURVIVAL: 

Caradoc stays low, and that isn’t so hard when you’re not looking to make new friends. He moves periodically, every year or so, and he always keeps a suitcase packed with his most precious belongings, just in case he needs a quick escape. He doesn’t exactly hide from the world, given his job as an Obliviator, but he keeps himself quiet enough that he doesn’t raise suspicion. For anyone outside of the Order, he’s just an odd bloke who gets his job done and doesn’t like to hang out much. In reality, Caradoc is constantly mapping out escape routes and keeping an eye on everyone around him, and he won’t hesitate to throw the first spell if he doesn’t see a way out.

RELATIONSHIPS: 

Relationships can be hard for Caradoc for anyone who’s met him after the death of his mother. If a part of him truly died with her, that part was his emotional availability. Unlike many others, he’s seen what this war can do, how it can rip someone out of your life as quickly as the blink of an eye, and part of the reason he’s so closed off is to avoid losing someone again. He already has his dad to look after, and, as much as he’d like to deny it, all of the Order, too. These are people he holds near and dear to his heart, and he’s already painfully protective of them, he can’t let himself get any closer.

Some specifics that aren’t in his bio:

ALICE LONGBOTTOM: As much as he may not trust her husband, Caradoc is actually quite fond of Alice. She’s a solid presence in the Order, someone who isn’t as much of a firecracker as the newcomers, and yet, doesn’t carry the exhaustion some of the other older members have. She’s someone he trusts entirely, and he hopes she knows that.

DORCAS MEADOWS: She is annoying, that’s for sure. Even so, of course Caradoc would be fond of her, as a fellow Hufflepuff – and one that reminds him so much of his younger self, no less. He’ll probably deny it if you ask him, but he finds her antics quite entertaining, and he likes having her around. In fact, he thinks all of the younger members are incredibly important to keep the organization alive and burning, and he thinks their spirits are always uplifting to have around when his faith is running a little low. He’s never had a sibling, but he imagines this is what having a younger sister would be like.

CONNOR BROWN: There aren’t many people who remember the Caradoc from before, and maybe that’s why hanging out around Connor feels so easy, sometimes. The two couldn’t be more different from each other if they tried, but more often than not, Caradoc finds himself hanging around at the Ganymede Gentleman’s Club for his company, as well as to let himself be entertained by the various performers there. The place (and Connor) is usually bright and loud enough to clear his mind when he needs a distraction, and you might think he looks like someone is forcing him to be there, but you might just catch glimpses of a smile if you look closely enough.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I don’t have any ships in mind yet. I think it’ll be extremely fun to watch him navigate a relationship and romance, if it happens, since he’s actively trying to avoid one. I’m definitely very open to it happening, even if it’s not my main focus or goal right now. Whoever he has chemistry with, I’ll be happy to write out.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

As much as the alumni of his house in particular are good at trying to end prejudice, Caradoc is still an only child of two purebloods, and bound to have some ideas drilled into him from before he could think for himself.

For the most part, he’s been good at breaking down stereotypes and rearranging his mind to be kinder towards others, and to recognize his privileges. But most importantly, he’s good at hiding it. Caradoc is inquisitive, but he’s the type to think three times before he speaks, which means he keeps a lot to himself. Despite his father’s strict and old-fashioned beliefs, he came out a pretty open-minded bloke, so he’ll listen to anyone who wants to share their story. He never claims to understand what other people go through, and he does his best to take their word for it when they speak up. He’s only mildly aware of his position in the world, as a man from a wealthy and well-known family, and how lucky he is for it.

That isn’t to say he doesn’t have his biases, of course. The ghost of his father’s underlying bigotry towards muggleborns is the only bias he’s painfully conscious of, and one still present, but that he actively fights to change. He still catches himself surprised when a muggleborn performs better than a pureblood at a magical task, and he still has the instinct to twist his nose at muggles’ weird habits and ways to raise their children, but he’s gotten better at catching those thoughts and shooing them away before they develop.

When it comes to werewolves, he definitely has a bone to pick. If asked, he’d tell you that it’s simply a horrible curse to fall upon someone and that he feels sorry for them, but if he ever found out about Remus, he’d be the first suggesting to kick the boy out of the Order. He doesn’t think they can be trusted. There’s not much they know about half-breeds in general, and when it comes to such an important cause like theirs, they can’t be taking any chances.

Another very specific, sort of odd bias he has would be against people who choose to build families in the world they currently live in. There are more pressing issues than diapers and bottles right now, and bringing an innocent child into this mess – not to mention when there are so many orphans out there – feels absurd to him. He understands accidents happen, but for the people who actively choose pregnancies in such chaos, he’s appalled.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I found this place because a friend showed it to me, and I was terribly excited to join because boy oh boy, do I miss marauder-era groups. Fun fact, in my first ever group RP here on tumblr, I played a Caradoc for a while! It was short-lived and terrible because I was a teen learning to write, and I like this Doc much, much better. I was originally going to apply for Emmeline, ended up deciding against it because an app for her came in and I figured I’d fill another role – and it worked out for the best, because I’m so much more excited about Caradoc! I’m looking forward to exploring the relationships within the Order and seeing all the chaos that will surely happen once they all run loose. Doc is a character with a lot of space to grow and who could be in the middle of many plot points, being an assertive voice and part of the inner circle of the Order, so I’m thrilled about all of this.

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL): I’m not sure if it’s much of a plot drop idea, but I think Caradoc’s profession could be used as a reason for suspicion later on. It was Nicky who suggested it first, actually, that someone (likely muggleborn, since purebloods rely more on Obliviators) could start growing a little wary of his job. Since he works erasing people’s memories, it wouldn’t be crazy to wonder if he’s done it to any of them before – at least not in a time where everyone is doubting everyone. So that’s just a thought.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope! Thank you for reading, and sorry for rambling! aaa

[ghostblackberry]

Update:

I have started therapy. It's hard but mostly it's just talking until I can see a gender therapist. A lot of what I'm realizing now is that my circumstances are as much a part of my symptoms as the biochemical side. Honestly, given the way living in the US "works" for disabled people, a lot of my frustration and fear is perfectly understandable. Systematic poverty and other forms of oppression play more of a role in mental illness than I ever thought possible.

As for Church stuff, that's a can of worms. I can honestly say that most Sundays, I'm wishing I was at a different church. I love the people and I love Jesus. There's also a lot of baggage connected to my bad relationship with the Church in the past. This Church is not transgender person friendly. As soon as I even hint that I sincerely believe my spirit has no gender, or at least not one of the two acceptable by the Church, I am made to feel like trash. I know of about 10 people offline who use the correct pronouns. (They/Them/Theirs)

I try to convince myself my Gender Dysphoria means I'm a trans guy all the time but I shouldn't have take a label I don't like to make people more comfortable. I've known I'm non-binary for about 5 years! Sometimes, I mean more towards a masculine expression and I do make a pretty femme! I just absolutely hate feminine gendered language and feel indifferent towards masculine language. I also hate my chest. If I could get top surgery, I'd wear skirts and dresses all the time. I should not have breasts. They don't belong here. My clothing does not equal my gender. How you see me does not equal my gender. The Family: A Proclamation is a document that is used to excuse hatred and fear. This Church refuses to acknowledge people on the fringes of society, including our place in the Plan of Salvation.

The Plan of Salvation is not a Plan of Happiness for people like me. If it really was a universal Plan of Happiness, I would have a place, and a purpose and not have to lie about myself at the same time. Instead, I'm in limbo. Praying and fasting for either a purpose or a way out.

My Heavenly Parents love me. Jesus knows everything I'm going through. Individual members are great! As long as I do my best and repent when I don't, I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine in the afterlife. But Their Church in this life? Their Church feels indifferent at best and poisonous at worst.

I believe in continuing revelation. I believe the Church does and can change. I believe one day, the Church's understanding of LGBTQ + people will match what I KNOW our Heavenly Parents feel about it. The only question is I'll be around to see it or if the poison will push me out first.

[pandirpus]

Ford, Fiddle and Bill (as much as he fits those human categories anyway). Also Ati, Seto and Mokuba.

oh god so many characters, i say, of course not delighted at all to be able to ramble so much 8D

Ford

Sexuality Headcanon: Imho, he’d be that kind of asshat who’d call himself “sapiosexual”, which is of course conceited garbage - I headcanon him as gay. Very aro, but not ace. All of that is bit hard to say with absolute certainty though because Ford doesn’t actually have much sexual intercourse with actual human people in his life (he has no time for socializing and people in general, and so much more ~important~ things to do), but I do headcanon him having an active sex drive and him being kinky af. Just someone pull his hair and make him beg. He needs that. WHILE WE’RE AT IT Ford is a monsterfucker who would (and did) do the fricklefrackle with cryptids and triangles and extradimensional beings and the like.Gender Headcanon: Cis male.A ship I have with said character: As much as Ford annoys me, Ford is way too much fun to ship with literally everyone. Fiddleford/Ford owns my soul, and Bill/Ford owns my thirst.A BROTP I have with said character: Stan and Ford - that development! That co-dependency! That depth of the denial, and it all crumbling in the end, revealing that Ford just cut the person out of his life that he ironically loved and needed most! I really am emotional about them reconnecting, awkwardly, and Ford appreciating the hell out of Stan. But to quote @krokorobin, I’m also “here for exploring the more dysfunctional aspects of the relationship between Stan and Ford.” Also Ford and Dipper. In a way where I really want to explore Dipper getting less blinded by his admiration and seeing Ford’s flaws more clearly over time, them getting along extremely well still but Dipper being able to call out Ford and judge him for his bullshit at times. AND FIDDS AND FORD OF COURSE. Their friendship made me clutch my heart several times, and it was beautiful, until Ford ruined that thoroughly. As he does with everything. But them reuniting post-finale is important to me, if only for the sake of Fidds - as friends only though, there’s too much baggage in this relationship for them to make out again, and Fiddleford is not gonna be here for that anymore.A NOTP I have with said character: I KIND OF HIGHKEY THINK THAT NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TOGETHER WITH CERTIFIED LIFE RUINER FORD (except for Bill :D) but. I still ship most things because I’m weak for drama and rocky relationships. I guess Ford/any woman is just not working in my head at all, it’s too much for my suspension of disbeliefA random headcanon: The dimension hopping adventurer was actually what he wanted to be deep down all his life. Also a lot of the scars he has are not even adventuring scars, but more mundane lab accidents because he’s terrible at lab safety, and marks Bill left on him. There’s a triangle shaped burn mark that won’t quite fade right below his ribcage, and Ford will never tell anyone how that got there, and just wear his turtleneck of shame forever.General Opinion over said character: I rarely encountered a character that honest to god made me so mad I had to put the Journal down and fume silently, and also rant for hours. Ford’s mistakes directly make characters miserable that I love deeply, and boy, his entire self-righteous asshattery at the expense of the people that love him despite of it is just so *clenches fist* Frustrating. And punchable. BUT I think I barely ever encountered a character like this that is honestly pissing me off while also being very well written and being called out by the narrative for their douchebaggery and their flaws. There’s development, and the narrative is not unproportionally sympathetic towards Ford. That makes all the difference to me. So I can actually enjoy hating him and also lovehim for the frustrating jerk he is! And I do love him for the absolute delight a character like that is to play with in fanwork - most of all, I appreciate a character where I can full-heartedly indulge in seeing them get rekt in fanwork I’m not even joking, that is important to me.

*

Fiddleford

I’m just gonna link @krokorobin​‘s answer on Fidds because his opinions are such absolute truths!

LET ME JUST STATE THAT HE HAS GROWN ON ME SO MUCH MY HEART ACHES WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE SOFT NOODLE MAN

*

Bill

Sexuality Headcanon: He doesn’t give a shit? Not as in he does not care about sex, but like, about gender and that whole fleshbag business. Bill’s here for everything that is funky and fresh and twisted and not boring - and he is intrigued by human experiences, so sex is definitely among potentially interesting things. I definitely think he’d be here for ppl getting off on worshipping him etc, but mostly and first and foremost he’s into messing with people, and sex is one way to do that. More than actual sexual pleasure, he’s a sucker for pain, because obviously, pain is intense and hilarious. He doesn’t actually experience sexual arousal (or even pain in the way a human does) when he’s not possessing a body though. Gender Headcanon: Triangle who never did the gender paper work to figure himself out, goes with male human pronouns for human convenience.A ship I have with said character: Bill/Ford. It’s a shitpost in form of a ship. I am in love. And sorta everything that has to do with Bill possession shenanigans, like Bill!Ford (Bord?) making out with Fidds and stuff like that :3A BROTP I have with said character: Fandom made me care a little about Bill and his monsters friends, especially Pyronica, partying very hard so I guess that’s the closest I have to that.A NOTP I have with said character: Bill/Mabel. A random headcanon: Is a whiny, rambly drunk. General Opinion over said character: I am destined to love this tiny yelly trash triangle. He is an absolute delight, and also his design is cute as fuck. Also he brings all my kinks and my love for ships that are twisted and messed up but also silly and hilarious to the yard.

will answer the others over on @deadboysduelbetter soon

[margotnetwork]

[ dianna agron, pansexual, she/her, female ] who was that walking around manhattan? it was ANTHEA ‘THEA’ CHURCHILL. they’re THIRTY FIVE, and originally come from NORTH CAROLINA, USA. they’re known as THE INSECURE, and they are a WAITRESS. when i hear their name, i think of YELLOW GINGHAM, FRILLY WHITE SOCKS AND ALICE IN WONDERLAND . i hear they’re SOFTLY SPOKEN and DELICATE, but i wouldn’t mess with them, because people say they’re DISTANT and FRUSTRATING too.

INTRODUCING; ANTHEA CHURCHILL

AGE: Thirty Five

GENDER: Female

PRONOUNS: She/Her

OCCUPATION: Waitress

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Death

» HER BACKGROUND:

Anthea who goes by Thea was a good girl by all means, there was much different to the way that she had grown up that was any different to the standard wholesome American family. She had two parents, an older brother and a pet dog. The family itself wasn’t exactly rich but they weren’t poor either, they lived quite comfortably and were able to give Thea everything that she wanted and more but that probably wasn’t the best thing for her despite them feeling otherwise. You see in High School - a literal playground for those that bullied others and disrespected those that looked at them a little too differently - Thea was bullied.

Why? Because she was over weight, she wasn’t that perfect size 0-6 that Victoria Secret advertised world wide, no, she was a size 22 in Target and this knowledge made the others have a field day with taunts and insults that were hurled at her daily. This made Thea shrivel up inside, she stuck to the shadows and hid in the library most days because who would want to be friends with someone who was constantly named and shamed? No matter what her parents did to try and help her, Thea wasn’t able to loose any weight because the motivation and drive wasn’t there.

And unless that was there she wasn’t going to change. It was a vicious cycle for her really, the taunts would come because she was bigger than others, and in return that would set off feelings that she just couldn’t push down any more. It brought her to the darkest tunnel that she felt she couldn’t escape out of, and it was this feeling that lead to her turning to food to comfort her, to help her switch off those feelings because nothing else could give her the emotions or rather tastiness of carbs or sweets. The circle just never ended, going on and on until one day it just didn’t and a miracle had happened.

The thing with miracles is that they didn’t last long, they could come into your life like a shooting star, brighten up your life and give you the greatest joy but then like that it was gone and in this case when it was gone, it took things with them. That particular thing was Thea’s parents, she was only maybe 13-14 when it happened and the only thing she remembered was coming home from school one night to see Police men at her door and her grandmother who sometimes looked after her when her parents were working standing in the door weeping. It was a hard concept for Thea to understand because one minute they were there telling her to have a ‘great day at school honey’ and the next they weren’t.

She had worked so hard to loose this weight and to shed this baggage only to gain more in the form of loss. The saddest part of this equation was that she didn’t have anyone to look after her, her grandparents didn’t want to take her - as much as they loved her, they just didn’t have it in their capacity to take her right now - and the only choice left was to be put in an orphanage but who wants a nearly adulated child when they could have the cute little adorable little babies. But when one door closes another opens and honestly at this point Thea didn’t believe in much, so much had come and so much had gone that she wasn’t even sure at this point what was real and what wasn’t.

But the fact that someone else was interest in taking her into their family was, she didn’t know but she wasn’t going to complain. All she wanted was comfort, to be loved, to have a family. It wasn’t going to be her family and she knew this but she wanted something close to it, something similar. Lucky for her though these were people she knew, they were close with her family and knew how much they didn’t want little Thea put back into the system so it was then that they decided along with the other son they had brought into their family that Thea was going to be their other new addition and the blonde herself couldn’t be more then excited to know that she had escaped not only being potentially musical chaired from one family to another but to also be stuck in a place where she felt no one wanted her.

Though like a roller coaster her parents weren’t going to be the only thing that Thea lost in her life time see when Thea got into a relationship with a wholesome male that was set to inherit his parent’s farm, she could see the whole relationship in front of her eyes, from the fact that they were going to get married, have children and just have that white picket fence of a relationship that any female wanted from themselves. She thought it was real and authentic, especially since they had already stranded the test of time for about 3 years before something she never ever thought would happen did.

He had a bachelor party to attend to in the City of Sins - Las Vegas - and a part of her was scared to let him go for there were beautiful women who would take one look at him and never want to give him back and Thea was still coming to terms with her new body and the fact that she was no longer that bigger girl she once was but, she knew that one of key components to a relationship was trust and without trust there was no relationship. But no matter how much you think you know someone, you could be wrong every time. Which is why when she woke up the next day to find all of  his’s belongings gone along with a newspaper article to say that he was married to someone other girl-… you could easily say that Thea was just as lost and confused as everyone else was. The saddest part was she was pregnant with his child and he didn’t even know

Today Thea is a lot different, she isn’t that big girl in high school any more. Actually she is a lot healthier than what people remember her to be and it actually shocks some people who see her in the street and wonder why her face looks familiar. It’s because they were last talking to a girl who was Size 22 but is now a ‘healthy’ size 6-8. How did she do it? Well once Thea graduated High School and was no longer caged and locked up with people that didn’t respect her she used her time and holidays to do a bit of soul searching. A lot happened when she turned 18. She did a bit of travelling in Europe, searching for who she was, what her purpose was and how she could change herself around, to stop that vicious cycle.

She tried to run from the disaster that her had caused, all people did was feel sorry for her and after a while it became frustrating because everyone was saying it to her but that one person she wanted it too. She could have eventually come to terms with the fact that maybe he didn’t want to be with her any more, or maybe the love wasn’t there like it used to be but the fact that he just up and left with nothing but a deafening silence-… that was what had annoyed her, she had lost so much already and to know that she had yet again lost something else that meant so much to her-… it was starting to look like her trust in people was falling flat.

Thea has been trying so hard to try and find that closure that she needs to to try and lock away what happened to her in a little box in her mind but she is soon going to find out that you can’t keep everything locked away forever, because eventually what you were running away from was going to catch up to you and you are going to have to face your inner demons even if the demons themselves don’t even want to know you from a bar of soap. But while Thea didn’t have much trust in people any more, she did have one thing-… hope.

» HER PERSONALITY:

Thea lives her days happy within the small confinements of Manhattan as she is sometimes known for being called the ‘Little Rabbit’. It’s often because she is seen reading Alice in Wonderland which - if asked she will tell everyone and anyone - that it’s her favorite reading content. She actually enjoys reading quite a bit as well as Photography and if you do catch her around town, it will be in either the library, the bookstore or walking around town trying to get that one good shot that she knows she can get but just hasn’t been able to get right now.

She is a girl that doesn’t ask for much in life because at this point she is pretty sure that what she asks for, isn’t what she is going to get. Perhaps she loves Alice in Wonderland so much because even though a girl takes a trip down a rabbit hole to a land called ‘Wonderland’ and encounters things that she has never seen before or experiences before she still manages to make it out, and she is better because of it. Thea identifies because she too feels like she has been falling through a massive hole into a world she didn’t expect or understand.

From her parents to her ex she was wandering through the wilderness trying to make it out alive and that right now she is trying to do and she will get there but she just needs to give it time, she still has those around her that she can call family and her friends and it’s those that she is going to rely on the most to get her through. She isn’t a hard girl to get a long with, she is just a girl that a lot has happened to her, and she has had a lot to go through but she knows she will be okay. Eventually.

[trickormemes]

HBO’s Girls starter sentences

season 6, part 1 of 2 episodes 6 through 10 187 starters feel free to change gender pronouns ‘read-more’ added for length content warning: cussing, sexual themes

"_____ broke up with me. Can you believe it?"

"Holy fucking shit. _____. How did this happen?"

"Stop fucking with me."

"I can't believe how supportive you're being. This is a shock."

“Okay, I take back what I said about you having your shit together, because this is fucking insane.”

"What the fuck did you just do? That's a rental."

“You know what? I can’t do this right now. I’m feeling really overworked. Sorry.”

“I’m tired of being exploited.”

"I see what you're doing. Do not change the fucking subject. You're not getting out of this."

"Fuck money!"

“You used to be a dream come true.”

"I cannot believe that this is my fucking life."

"What are you doing today?"

“For the record, I don’t think you’re gonna be a terrible mother. You’re maybe not gonna be the best, but you’re certainly not gonna be the worst.”

"What you said really scared me."

“I don’t want our friendship to end. I need you in my life. I need you in my child’s life.”

"I wanna be in your child's life. I just don't think I'm gonna be a very good influence."

“But our kid’s gonna have great skin and be the right kind of slutty.”

“To be clear, I’m not offering to pay for anything.”

"_____ will not stop calling me."

"Great, you're stalking me now? That's very three years ago. I appreciate it."

"Why are you avoiding it so hard? It's not a big commitment."

“I’m avoiding it ‘cause I’d literally rather do anything else. Like I would prefer to eat my own arm.”

"Why are you pushing me?!"

"I need you to tell me if it's real."

“Great, our relationship amounted to very painful memories for you. Such soothing information.”

"Don't you wanna stop carrying around all the baggage of our failures?"

"I'm not angry. I have moved on."

"_____, will you talk to me, please?"

"Oh, _____, don't be such a prude."

"Well, you are basically an hour late..."

"_____, you're lucky I came at all."

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

“What happened to you?”

"Are you fucking high?"

“_____, you should really know what a high person looks like by now.”

"Nothing about his life projects the idea that he wants a child."

"Anyone who’s buying leather gloves after 6:00 is clearly a goddamn murder."

"My whole life... My whole life is… is gone. I had one bad moment and… and now it's gone."

“Jesus, man, you’re fucking good.”

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Do I really have to answer that question for you, _____?”

"Regardless of everything that happened, you are still my dear friend."

"You can't just detach yourself from a relationship. Unless you're some kind of psychopath."

"I don't care what you think and I don't care about your feelings 'cause I don't really care about you anymore, _____."

“Alright, so… how’s this gonna work then? What’s the plan?”

“Everything we did together happened, whether you want to believe it or not, whether you want to remember it or not.”

"You can't just erase people. You can't just erase me. That's not how it works."

“I did not know what a good time was until you came into my life.”

“I mean, even if you're amazing at something, that doesn't necessarily mean that you should do it, right?”

"Who are we if we don't stick to our commitments?"

"I think you make me feel too good."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

“I break things, _____. It’s what I do. It’s why I avoided you for so long, ‘cause I didn’t wanna break you.”

“But this, now… so perfect, it scares me a little.”

"The only time I've ever felt perfect is when I'm with you."

“I wish we could stay right here, forever.”

“I am sick and tired of everyone acting like unrefined sugar isn’t sugar. It’s the exact same fucking thing.”

"If it hurts, you'll always remember."

"Why is your ex trending so hard on Twitter?"

“Ew. Now I get why you finally dumped that sexy creep."

“_____, why are you looking at your phone?"

"That was amazing. You wrote that, right?"

"Do not let another homeless woman in here, please."

"She was fun. You know it."

"Look at your sad little outfit."

"Fuuuck! My whole day is fucked right now! What the fuck am I supposed to do?“

“I feel like I just chugged a bunch of Robitussin or something.”

"I'm gonna have my eye on you, even when it seems like I don't."

“I come from a long line of women who choose terrible men, but that’s ending now.”

"Everyone in my family is fucking lying garbage."

"What the fuck! Did you just roll your eyes at me, _____?"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me why. Why'd you do it?"

"I'm what you've been needing."

"You're afraid he won't support you."

"It just sounds so much sadder when you try to defend it."

"You need to stop checking on your ex, man. He's gonna get to your head."

"Good dick is a prison."

"Everyone said it was, like, so important. Now I feel like maybe it was a mistake."

"I don't even believe in mistakes. I really don't."

"I wanted it to be easy and it was easy, so I guess it's just a little sad... how easy it was."

"What are you crying about?"

“Ugh, man, you stunk up the joint.”

"I wish I was younger so we could hang out and it's not weird, but... it feels weird."

“There’s nothing but places to hide in this city.”

“There’s nothing like a public shaming to make you realize what’s really important.”

"You can't fuck with me anymore, okay? I'm ‘unfuckable’ now."

“You don’t owe me anything, and I’m really sorry that I thought you did.”

“This isn’t something I wanna have to tell you. I know you’re gonna be pissed as fuck, and you should be pissed.”

"We have a lot of history that we can't seem to erase. We can't let each other go, as much as we try."

"Is there anything you wanna say to me?"

“Look. You gotta do what you gotta do."

"Why would I do that? You haven't done anything wrong."

“I don’t know, it’s just that conversation with _____ really fucked me up. I've been thinking about it so much."

"I'm starting to feel like I was a little naive thinking this was all going to be so simple."

"Let me know when it's safe for me to leave my house again."

"I miss you, and I miss being with you."

"Let me show you who I've become."

"I don't want to be away from you any longer."

"Excuse me! Do not air quote at me!"

“I’ll cut your ass!”

“That was unnecessary, how loud that was.”

"Do you think I'm weird?"

“Okay, two sips in and I’m fully soused, if I’m keeping it real.”

"Would you rather live in an ugly building with a view of a gorgeous building, or in a gorgeous building with a view of an ugly building?"

"There's too much history here. There's too much good stuff for us not to try."

"What's it like to fuck _____?"

"So now I know why you want to be with me. Just to make sure I don't fuck everything up."

"I don't want you..."

"I'm just excited to get out of my own fucking head for a while, you know? Aren't you?"

“What was it about you that he fell in love with?”

“What’s the rest of your night look like?"

"It's really fun hanging out with you."

"Would you object greatly if I kissed you?"

"Lust fades and friendship never does if you nurture it."

"Do you need something?"

"You are a fucking hot shot."

“Your science will not protect you.”

“This is the greatest city in the world.”

"This place—it's just too hard to make a living here."

“What’s important is we agreed to live here and suffer and be miserable in this godforsaken rat hole together.”

"Hey, you wanna come sleep with me?"

"Will you sing to me?"

"I had to unfollow her on Instagram. It's too much negativity."

“I’m trying to figure something out and I really need you.”

“See? That’s why you’re my best friend.”

“I don’t want that in our apartment.”

“I mean, can’t someone just tell me exactly what to do, but in a way that makes it seem like it’s my idea?”

“Look! I stole these!”

“Wow, it’s—it’s really wild to see you. We did not know, uh, if you were alive.”

“Life’s so wild, isn’t it?”

“Go. I release you like a bird, like a wild bird into the night.”

“I have an actual problem about actual life.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?”

“Well, I stopped by to see you, but it seems I maybe picked a bad time.”

“You had a party and you didn’t invite me?”

“What the fuck is going on? Why didn’t you answer any of my calls all day?”

“I didn’t want you to feel left out.”

“So, um, basically, you’re gonna act as if you invited me?”

“Not you, and not now. Not in the mood.”

“Okay, you know what? I can’t handle this right now.”

“Can you tell me what this is, what we’re doing here? I don’t understand.”

“We are not going to throw randomized grenades of hostility at each other. Okay? We’re gonna be the adult women that I know we can be and say what we’re feeling.”

“I’m feeling extremely shitty about not being invited to _____’s engagement party.”

“I’m feeling like I would like to go one place without being treated like I’m a jezebel or a witch.”

“I am feeling a lot of anxiety about the fact that we’ve allowed our friendship to reach this place of aggression and isolation.”

“If you don’t mind, I would like to take a step back and say that this is the reason that we can’t hang out together anymore.”

“We can’t hang out together anymore because we cannot be in the same room without one of us making it completely and entirely about ourselves.”

“I have come to realize how exhausting and narcissistic and ultimately boring this whole dynamic is. And I finally feel brave enough to create some distance for myself.”

“On my way over here, I saw a man take a shit in the street.”

“_____ was right. She was right about everything.”

“Can you stop being so dramatic? I mean, have a little perspective.”

“Get the fuck out. I need the room.”

“It’s okay, I’m fine. You don’t have to say that. I’m really fine.”

“Um, well, I think it turns out that I wasn’t as ready to help people as I thought. And I just needed to take a long, hard look in the mirror, as my mother would say.”

“Oh, um, I got you something, actually.”

“I don’t know how the fuck that happened. I haven’t really processed it.”

“I’m sorry. Um… I am sorry… for everything.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s okay. I mean, it’s like—I mean, it’s not okay, but it’s, like, I don’t know who’s really supposed to be sorry for what, so at this point we should kind of just call it a… Like, say it. It’s okay.”

“Our best was awful.”

“_____, what the fuck?! When did you get here?!”

“I’m here. I win. I’m your best friend. I’m the best at being your friend. I love you the most.”

“Promise me you’re not gonna give up, okay?”

“There’s a reason they call breast milk ‘liquid gold.’”

“_____, can you really stop?”

“_____. I’m asking you to stop and I’m asking in a nice way.”

“You think you’re the first man who rejected this? Well, think again. You’re not being very original.”

“You know what, you’re being kind of a fuckhead. You’re being kind of a little bit of an asshole.”

“Do you even have a nipple? Because I’ve known you a long time and I actually don’t think I’ve seen it.”

“Every time you say ‘nipple’ a fairy dies.”

“You know what? Your, like, desire to be part of this is actually starting to feel really perverse. I feel, like, very objectified and I just would like some privacy.”

“John Stamos has not aged a single day. It’s insane. And, like, why is this man a bachelor?”

“He hates me. I don’t know what to say.”

“But this is reality. It’s happening now. And you suck at it, okay?”

“Why are you following me? And why are you judging me and putting words in my mouth?”

“I don’t understand why you’re yelling at me when I’m in emotional pain.”

“I don’t understand, _____. You didn’t say it was gonna be this hard.”

“Have the last few years looked easy to you?”

“Sorry for trying to help.”

“God fucking damn it. Men are disgusting.”

“Sorry I walked in on you beating off.”

“Hey. Are you happy here?”

“I don’t need to be happy.”

“You’re a fucking monster!”

“So, you ran away because your mom asked you to do your homework?”

“Run as fast as you can, okay? But life is gonna chase you, it’s gonna chase after you with problems you can’t even imagine.”

“I guess it’s time for me to start figuring out what’s next.”