#there's a lot of negative in here
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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[4.0 archon quest spoilers]
#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#fontaine#childe#lumine#lyney#Lynette#Okay before you'll say BUT THEY HID IMPORTANT INFORMATION IT MAKES THEM BETRAYALS listen yo listen thanks a lot!!!!#And before CHILDE IS OUR CLOSE FRIEND WE KNOW HIM FOR ETERNITY SO IT'S OBVIOUS WE TRUST HIM AND GET DISAPPOINTED IN SIBLINGS#I made it JUST FOR IRONY not any negative in any ot these characters#These events were pretty close in quest and it looked pretty strange (for me)#Even after trial traveller was pretty rude with characters who didn't have any odd intentions and it made me think in that way#Maybe writers wanted to make traveller more emotional than earlier but it looked very strange (for me again)#Bro it were the longest tags i ever made here but it's just for clearing the air#Btw don't take it serious#Ofc you can disagree with me and that's okay!!! It's just little note for making clear some things
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Tim has found his soulmate (not a soulmate AU, just in the like “i think we’re totally meant to be together” way). Well, okay, it’s entirely one-sided so far, but he’s sure SpecterNova will reciprocate once they’re in proper contact.
He’s already found everything he publicly can on the youtuber, but he’s still digging deeper. It’s weirdly difficult—his love must like his privacy!—but he’s making headway.
On the other end, Danny is getting nervous about the dedication of his new internet stalker. Even with Tucker’s help in setting up his online security and the scrambling effects of ectoplasm, they can tell that the person is still making progress. They don’t seem like they’re a part of the GIW, but that doesn’t mean their search can’t harm him in some other way.
He really hopes he doesn’t have to change identities again. Having to do it the first time to flee the GIW was bad enough, and he’s been liking his current life.
#ONE SIDED dead tired ship#one sided love#tim is suffering from a major parasocial relationship thing#i like tim but he’s getting thrown under the bus here#because i want to see more stories that condemn/portray negatively the stalker-y stuff that appears in a lot of batfam-x-other-person fics#and he seemed like a viable choice for internet obsessiveness#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny phantom x dc#danny phantom x dc crossover#youtuber danny fenton#or could be#streamer danny fenton#but i think the youtuber route makes more sense#because like it’d give him more room for privacy to keep off the GIW’s radar
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Turtle Takedown Teamwork.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#tulu xuanwu#Something about changing the action sequence to something gentle is hilarious to me.#The lesson here is “Be nice to turtles. They are gentle creatures. And many are very endangered.”#don't get me wrong here; I love this scene a lot. LWJ's string technique is one of my favoyrite things.#We do get a fair amount of LWJ fighting but I always loved how the theme of strings comes into play.#There is actually a lot to unpack with LWJ being associate with 'strings'.#The musicianship: Of dedication and rigor in one's practice.#The tension between following along a path or composing your own way forwards (playing what has been written vs composing)#A string is a tightly coiled/taunt entity; The same tension that makes it sing so beautifully can be it's downfall if pushed too hard.#And as a non-musical string - something that binds. Be it to his sect and family or how he binds his fate to WWX -#LWJ cannot exist without his binds. It is not something which ties him down though. It keeps him together.#And he himself *is* a bind. He 'ties wwx down' in ways that are initially negatively viewed ('come to gusu' - feels like: come be trapped)#But later it is shown how (despite being introduced as a free spirit) WWX truly wants to be bound to something and someone.#Marriage is a bind he wants. He wants to be tied and grounded by LWJ.#It's starting to sound like innuendo. Let's call his fondness for being literally tied up smart thematic writing.#Finally. Sex scenes that are important to the plot and characters
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I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after
The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually
Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-
He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.
And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.
When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings
"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.
It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)
"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species
#Fumi rambles#Was asked to post this but a lot of this is present in my shuro-Laios fight analysis from Laios’ pov#Bite sized fumi#Laios touden#Meta#happy nightmare chapter day#Character analysis#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#And humanity being a social species is ofc ultimately not shown as a negative.#Dunmeshi is about unity and coming together when seeking to understand that which you do not!!!#But yeah like imagine if you will that you can never really trust your own perspective of events because you literally can’t tell#Wether the person likes you or hates you and you just can’t tell. Even when they ARE being obvious about it#The nightmare scene is so real like I def have vivid memories where I’m like ‘Ah yeah they cringed here#that should have been a dead giveaway’. It wears on self-esteem and self-trust. Like “you don’t belong in society” in a way they’re#sorta like factually not wrong and like. Oh ok man. Sitting down#Just spitballing here obvi. Personal experience. Hey did you guys know that dunmeshi is good. Man. It’s good#Dungeon meshi#Analysis#Feeling The Owl House Gus meltdown episode in tha club tonight#Sobbing about how the flashbacks we see of Laios’ childhood are only happy when it centers around Falin or the dogs
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✨Some doodles of the siblings to try to see how to draw them ✨
(I am super late to the party hello)
#the umbrella academy#tua#tua fanart#the umbrella academy fanart#idk if anyone will see it but it's here yay#viktor hargreeves#the hargreeves#five hargreeves#ben hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#allison hargreeves#I can't draw adults to save my life even less real people but it's a great exercize#I will be honest I am only here for the siblings#tons of stuff are hcs on my drawings btw so if it's canon at 3000% it's normal ahah#I would kill to see more of the 567 trio too :')))#we can't have nice things rip#idk how much I will draw for it but I thought that I could at least post this#my offering after the shitshow that was season 4#there is a different artstyle for each doodles but I am trying to find how I wanna draw them ahah#umbrella academy#decided to create another blog for this for people who knows me for my other blog yay#I have tons of stuff to say on this series (a lot of negative ) but tbh I am here to vibe and enjoy sibling interactions#my art
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drawing in paint while watching FAITH
#ultrakill#v1#v1 ultrakill#j doodles#I love drawing robots adn the negative space here is so yummy#drawing in paint is a lot of fun actually
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Let's talk about some lesser known symptoms of autism! Maybe this will help some of you get a broader perspective on what this can be like. There is a whole grab bag of symptoms of autism, but here are some ones you may not know that you have.
Focus on truth
What does this mean? Well glad you asked. This is the focus on facts and logic rather than anything else. People have shown this as autistic people may refusing to lie because it goes against what they find as true. But that's not always the case.
Have you ever used logic to try and figure out your emotions?
Are you someone who doesn't understand why others may speculate when the current knowledge is right there? (such as subtext versus canon knowledge or theoretical arguments)
Do you find it frustrating when others avoid their problems as a way to avoid figuring out negative things? (such as avoiding conflict in a friend group)
Is it easy for you to talk about your strengths and flaws? Do you know your likes, dislikes and limits pretty well?
High context communication
This is preference on details and the full context of any situation. Often going into great detail and backstory to anything.
Do you feel as though you need to overexplain to give the person everything they need to know?
Have you ever apologized to someone by explaining the deep and meaningful reasons of why you did it, before you said you were sorry? And maybe even felt upset or confused why they reacted badly?
Have you ever felt stressed out because you wanted to give others full detail but they either interrupted you or cut you off?
Are you stressed out by people who tell you what to do and not why they want you to do it?
Are you ever told that you talk back a lot?
Do you prefer recipes versus verbal/vague instructions? (All the things that you need such as ingredients, measurements, prep time, etc.)
Do you really like watching deep dives and knowing about the whole history of something you're even vaguely interested in?
Identity diffusion
This is not everyone's experience, and it is common in a variety of other disorders such as DID and BPD. However, it is when you do not know who you are in regards to others. This is also known as identity disturbance.
Have you ever felt like an outsider without knowing why?
Are you deeply interested on what other people think of you? Especially if it's all the time?
Do you really like taking personality tests and quizzes? Are you interested in horoscopes?
Do you feel like you don't fit in any one specific group? Either being a loner, or hopping in between many different groups?
Do you ever feel weirder than the "weird kids" group? Do you not really get along or feel like you belong with them?
Do you have low self esteem when it comes to comparing yourself to your friends? Do you feel like they're better or more capable than you?
Do you feel drastically unimportant and not as interesting or cool as everyone else?
Have you ever related to narratives surrounding a character that is the last of their kind?
Do you feel like your identity is a vast and gaping void, that even if you learn a little bit, that you'll never know everything?
Internalized repetition
This is one of those traits that not every autistic person experiences, but that some might. You could say that for all autistic traits, but hey, good to know regardless. Because of internalized repetition, you may not do many external stims, besides vocal.
Do you listen to a song over and over again? Perhaps having a playlist on repeat?
When stressed out, do you type the same word or phrase over and over again?
Do you like looking at the same things, such as the same color or the same artist's works?
Do you really like certain patterns, crystals or aesthetics?
Do you enjoy games with recognizable fighting patterns? (Such as character rotation, boss battle rotation, etc.)
Struggling to connect to others *
This is something that's been characterized by struggling to connect to others through their emotions, but the opposite is actually true for many autistic people. *I will be talking about those who struggle to connect to others who are emotionally distant or unavailable. Being emotionally distant or not showing emotions externally is a trait that many autistic people share, but for those without alexithymia, they may struggle to understand why anyone wouldn't like to talk about their emotions. I don't know the specific symptom term for this, so please bare with me. If anyone would like to inform me about what this is called, please tell me.
Do you struggle to talk with dry texters, or tend to over-examine people's tone through text?
Do you have anxious attachment?
Do you feel disconnected with many other autistic people and struggle to make friends or talk to them?
Do you feel embarrassment or shame with being emotionally sensitive?
Have you fallen down the rabbit hole of things like starseeds, star children or empaths?
Do you want to talk about serious emotions a lot, even when its not appropriate?
Do you trauma dump or wish people would become more emotionally intimate with you? Do you enjoy it when people share their deep traumas with you, even if it's triggering?
Are you constantly reassurance seeking?
There is plenty more symptoms out there, and these are just a few that stood out to me, because I think I may be autistic. I've always related somewhat, but never connected the dots. But there are reasons for that, such as identity diffusion and thinking I'm different from everyone else no matter what. I struggled because I didn't seem to have a lot of the outward and visible symptoms that were often talked about. I thought every autistic person had alexithymia, when that's just not true. My best friend, who has similar symptoms to me, along with another close friend of mine, have a similar presentation of autism. And it's taken quite a bit for me to accept or process. I feel like I'm faking my experiences just because I've self diagnosed before. And I'm angry that ADHD isn't given enough significance.
But I think I might be autistic, and this article that I based this post off of, confirmed it. So here's my post informing and coming out on that. You can be autistic and highly masking without actually knowing what's going on is masking. You can be autistic and have a spectrum of verbality, you can be autistic and struggle to connect to anyone who isn't immediately emotionally intimate with you. You can be autistic and not relate at all to other autistic people.
You're not alone.
#babey posts#actually autistic#audhd#autism#autism spectrum disorder#i know its a spectrum disorder but bro it doesn't feel like it#its broader than you might realize#you can be autistic and struggle to accept it#this has been the most frustrating and painful realization#i just. i feel a lot of negative feelings at myself about this#but i want to curate a place for people to exist without judgement#and before the anti self dx ppl come in here. this has never been the blog for you.#if youre like this. you belong here.#and if you just understand this. you also belong here.#you're not alone
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The thing about HotD is that it while it absolutely minimizes the agency and ambition of both Rhaenyra and Alicent, this is specifically used to glorify Rhaenyra and frame her as righteous while condemning Alicent and framing her lacking. That's the key difference in both their textual portrayals that has directly led to 90% of the fandom hailing Rhaenyra as the second coming of Christ while spewing the most hateful vitriol at Alicent just for existing. But y'all are not prepared for that conversation.
#hotd#alicent hightower#pro alicent hightower#anti hotd#I feel like lots of people get the first part (that it strips them off their agency and doesn't allow them to WANT power or revenge;#instead they have to be Good Women Who Always Want Peace)#but don't really understand how the show actually attempts to DO with that#how it uses it to vilify Alicent so badly. She only exists as their special snowflake Rhaenyra's negative foil#they've managed to completely change the character from grrm's books BUT ALSO completely misunderstand how medieval women#actually wielded power and what misogyny at that time would have actually looked like (spoiler: absolutely nothing like this)#anti rhaenyra targaryen#(not really? I just don't trust her fans because some of the hate they've sent me is genuinely deranged)#also:#yes 90% of the fandom is TB and despise Alicent. We know this via surveys conducted by fans and the official marketing team.#y'all need to stop acting like the underdogs here and acknowledge that your Rhaenyra is adored by virtually everyone#(which is OKAY. Just acknowledge it)#you need to also acknowledge how many female characters have been vilified (Alicent) diminished (Laena) or outright erased (Nettles)#to prop up this one entitled white woman#i love rhaenyra from the book and will fight grrm at the shitty way he's portrayed her#but this glorified Good Woman girlboss from the show is driving me nuts
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Korra sketches 💞
#persnickety doodles#alicia draws#Korra#been seeing a lot of korra negativity during my brief periods on the internet#and i'm just here to share some korra#lok#tlok
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thinking about the czech anthem in comparison to the majority of other national anthems and we truly are the poor little meow meow of countries
#but like#i like it#i like it a lot after thinking about it#like the majority of anthems i know of are about fighting#and ours is just like ''my home is so pretty i love it here so much ;~; ''#and in connection to our history it feels kinda like...passive resistance sort of way?#it's not about the fight. it's about survival#no matter who the current king or tyrant or shitty politician is we'll just keep on living here#describes us pretty well tbh. both in the positive and negative aspect#like there is this sort of ''keep your head down and wait for the bad times to blow over without giving much effort to make it better''#but whatever#we've got pretty trees amiright lol
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not indirecting anyone but i keep seeing the take that sam has power over dean because dean is so attached to and dependent on him. like it’s everywhere. and its just soooo fundamentally flawed. that is not how anything works. not to sound like a broken record but that type of dynamic (where one partner, the aggressor, views themselves as in fact controlled/dictated by the whims of the other) is actually very standard in an abusive relationship���
whether or not sam has ‘power’ over dean in this way is functionally irrelevant because his ‘power’ extends to his ability to somehow, what, psychically manipulate dean into doing what he wants?? whereas dean’s ‘power’ over sam is making sure sam adheres to exactly what he’s decided sam should do and punishing him if he doesnt do that, and deciding he has ultimate control over sam’s own decisions about his life (see main plot events of s4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, so on and so forth…).
#thirteen year old me type logic (i say this a lot i know but it’s true)#it just literally IS. 13 year old me would be like ‘i’m the powerless one cause i’m at the whim of my emotions’ (dean logic) girl get up#i literally have a line in my recent fic like ‘maybe sam’s the one with the real power by sitting there and taking it’ which obviously is#from like 14 year old sams perspective trying to rationalise things but there r genuinely so many people who like. Seem to actually believe#that.#idk it’s this weird bias people have about spn where if you acknowledge the unbalanced fuckedupness of sam & dean’s relationship you’re#‘simplifying things’ or whatever. but abuse isnt in any way simple#spn#oliver talks#sam & dean#poison in the water#i feel like i’m relentlessly negative on here. sorry guys
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metal help me understand csp
MOSQUITO ☝️
#trying to doodle in csp :0#these were made on different stages of eepy#csp is so cool but so much more complex than krita#like. what do u mean u can specify shortcuts for EACH BRUSH???#this is why this was done mostly with only one brush cos i didnt know and assigned stuff wrong lol#but man the brushes really do feel better here. Mechanical pencil and pencil are really niceys#idk how to make reflections so i put a magical white circle on her forehead and random white spots shhh#there is a lot of stuff here that i dont like specially the shoes but eh i liked doing them#trying to be less negative about my stuff and accept doing them a bit slower#metal sonic#wee my art i gues#sth
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He has no idea he's like a daughter to me. My middle aged male daughter
ASIT is making me real sad and lately I have been spending every waking hour thinking about nothing but Elim Garak
I have also been reading this wonderful fic by Cucumbermoon and it is making me sadder but it's beautifully written and very good https://archiveofourown.org/works/30310065 I am very enthusiastic to read the sequel once I am finished (it is possibly correlated to the fact I am menstruating as of current but I cried multiple times while reading so. Really good!!!)
#ferry yaps#ds9#star trek#deep space nine#elim garak#I might be mildly going off the deep end here#I feel a bit silly for being so strongly attached to a character#I'm not really sure why#I've had negative experiences in previous fandoms that have made me try to approach the#m#with a lot more caution I suppose#and I think that's making me anxious about everything I do#even though everyone's been lovely to me so far!#I'm also in general a very sensitive person#which makes posting things on the internet that other people can see and interact with#very scary#eek#just had to get that off my chest I guess??#now you know!
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My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for
More pictures under cut
#loscar#logan sargeant#ls2#oscar piastri#op81#and now starts the rant#my fave detail is probably tge eye. there few beads like this and they were laying around until my friend said that they look loscar relate#so o started making making whole thing around that bc in my opinion it's genius (also sorry this is gonna have extremely long tags bc i had#run out of them once. maximum is 30 apparently)#I'll go by lains from here so first obviously eagle. i think it's hilarious and what's even funnier is that i bought those charms before#even knowing who Logan was. just for shit and giggles#also to coala i added a bead on top to somewhat match the height#also i love mixing up their colours bc I'm insane about that. how they ideal negatives of eachother and how orange fits logan while blue-os#so i also mixed it up with those animals charms and their attachments here#next stop - oscar lane. there not a lot of black which is bas but at least last heart is actually black. beads above it represents eyes#(you can see with doodles) and next one is for his hair but i couldn't find how to show it#and round see through bead i use for his helmet bc it shines with red yellow and blue#middle part - i talked about the eye but also beads above it. i tried to match tones so they won't clash#then fish and i love that it's in form of heart bc i associate both of them with water so much i needed something here#and bead underneath that is for Logan eyes ofc. for doodles there tried to use brown so oscar would have blond/logan brown but didn't work#AND READ HEART. “-WELL IT'S NOT YELLOW” “PREMA RED THEN?”#as you can see I'm totally normal about their prema times plus i love how it stands out with everything else and can be read as#usual meaning of red hearts. also made out of corals so it fits them too#and last but not least - Logan my beloved#first and foremost STARS#I added as much as humanly possible party bc of American meme party bc i fucking love stars and associate him with them#also added all williams shades of blue and even white so it covers all that#okay no I lied a bit bc i used a button for their dark blue#another thing i would like to mention is metal ring bc it has extremely small hearts on it that you need to look for to notice#I HIT LIMIT FUCK.last thing to say is how I tried to play with circles in middle of every lane. okay goodbye
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i somehow missed to share this or even react to it and i thought about making gif sets — but the video is so much better. gifs cannot do it justice. this is shared by rufeng ( 如枫飞舞 ) to commemorate 729. i’m pretty sure i probably saw a cut of a bit of this at a different angle, seeing it again is making me feel things for some reason. aside from me missing those days where they can promote a show together, which i’m sure they miss too— spending that time with each other and working with someone you adore.
they are in their own little world again. which is not new. from cql shoots, television show recording, interviews and even freakin concerts! lol. but something about this is just special. how xz leans in and wyb listens and reacts. how xz probably noticed something and just had to share it to yibo immediately. the eyebrow raise and shaking his head plus a smile — xiao zhan. you. stop it. then they both walk off, wyb was behind but xz had to gesture for him to come on. which is what he does frequently when they attended events together, always asking where yibo is, wanting them to be side by side. some are saying he looks jealous but i’m not gonna go there. he just needs his bobo beside him okay?
they are so perfect. look at them and their interactions. it’s plain to see. everything else is just noise. 🫶🏼
#yizhan#bjyx#there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do#i think it’s easy to be swayed when there are a lot of loud noises saying negative shit about them#all of those being assumptions#and part of it is the politics of c-ent which i think they are playing well#but looking back at their interactions its so obvious — it’s all good 🥹🥹🥹
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