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myfanfic-urfantrash · 3 months ago

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Another story idea that I may or may not write that you can write for in any way so long as you do not feed it to AI or use AI to write it for you :V

I am sorry to those who read these story ideas when I write these since they are walls of texts it's literally how my brain spits everything out so I don't forget

Cw: yandere(self aware), stalking, taking of items???, a little nsfw, manipulation

Yet another yandere story because I love yandere stories they are so interesting to me this one being a self aware yandere because those are super interesting also this is leaning towards romantic not platonic because Dr. Ratio gains feelings for them though it is one sided as he does not confess but he could in your version

Anyways for this story it can be one-shot or a series if you pace it right because who doesn't love a long story with good pacing where Dr. Ratio meets someone that frequents the library could be just a regular maybe a student probably a student close to his age??? or a librarian maybe even a modern AU or with what I'm leaning toward regular universe and he's just visiting a planet for work or something and seeing what books they have at the local library after all all planets have different histories and languages he's bound to find something he hasn't read before

Point is he visits this library almost every day for a while to read something new he stays for a few hours and leaves before closing and he notices the same few people entering and leaving but he notices them the most as they're always in the same spot and a little noisy for a library at least with their sighs and tapping of their pencil on their notes he doesn't mind it much and assumes they must be a student of some sort studying hard for their next exam or something and he has to commend them for at least trying to get the material down

Out of curiosity over a particularly loud sigh of theirs he passes by their table to put his book away and glances at the book their reading and their notes to find that while they've been doing well so far they've made a simple but fixable error that they haven't been able to figure out probably due to lack of sleep judging by the darkness under their eyes

Not one to leave errors alone he puts his book away and comes back to them tapping them on the shoulder startling them and explains to them where they went wrong and they sigh thanking him for his help and fix the error though they're frustrated with themselves for getting the same thing wrong again for the fifth time he looks over their work and sees that they are indeed brilliant and clearly passionate about learning their subject though they struggle because of stress, lack of sleep, and maybe even a disability like depression, adhd, dyslexia and etc if you wanna go on that route which I might because god learning with a disability so dang hard and so dang demotivating when you see others do so well around you while you struggle with things that seem so easy for others like UUUUGGGGGGHH 🙃

So Dr. Ratio unable to leave this poor soul alone because he can't stand ignorance in any capacity learning issues be damned takes it upon himself to teach them while they are at the library during his time in the area and over the next few weeks they learn bit by bit and struggle much less under his tutoring and proudly show him their passing grade though it's something that could definitely be improved but compared to their original scores this is amazing improvement

They thank him for his help and while they are sad that he won't be around to tutor him anymore once he has to leave they are immensely grateful for his help and it makes him pause cause a part of him doesn't want this to end and he's not so sure how he feels about not seeing them even though he does have to leave as his time there will inevitably come to an end in a few days and without any thought he gives them his contact information so they can ask him for study help in the future even when he's no longer in the area

He feels his heart skip a beat when they eagerly exchange contact information with him and later he stares at their number in his phone for a long long time only to be snapped out of it by their first message asking about this or that it goes on like this for a while just him helping them with their studies until they start asking about his day and sharing their own and he looks forward to their messages while he's doing his own work or while idle at home he thinks of them often and when they begin to consume his thoughts more often than not he makes note of how ridiculous this all is as they are nothing more than a student, perhaps even just a friend

But his thoughts get more and more twisted and while he knows it's definitely not a good idea it's hard to resist the urge to look more into his friend and their life he makes notes of the drinks and food containers on their table through the photos they send of their notes and figures out what their favorite food places are he makes note on the structures of the street where they took a picture of a plant or animal and slowly but surely through every photo that they send he pieces together just where they may live what route they take to get to and from places and he finds himself disgusted by his own actions when he on one of his weeks off finds himself walking down their street to see if he can get a glance of them going or leaving home

He hates how giddy he feels to catch them coming home from down the street and how me makes it seem like he's just on a walk to clear his mind from work when they approach him and he wants to scold them for letting someone like him enter their home unaware of how much of a threat he is but he holds his tongue besides a simple warning that they shouldn't just let anyone into their home

He stays for some snacks and some light conversation before helping them once again with their studies that they've massively improved on once again he's proud of them and glad his teachings are helping them but feels his chest twist when they say they feel confident enough to study on their own from now on and while part of him wishes to sabotage them so they have to rely on him for help he instead encourages them to study on their own and let him know if they do need help with anything in the future and that they can contact him regardless if it's about their studies or not

He leaves their home and heads to his hotel room internally ashamed as he's painfully aware of the cloth he doused with their favorite scent while he used their restroom tucked into a baggie in his pocket his shame gets worse when he looks at his cum stained hand later that night and he swears he'll stop but he knows this will just get worse the more he keeps trying to deny these twisted feelings of his so while he hangs out with his friend during his little break he gives in just a bit taking in as many details about their life as he can before going back to his daily life

And it works for a time things are a bit normal he responds to their daily texts and calls and doesn't feel the need to know more about their life as he feels he's learned enough through what they've shared and their social media accounts he follows things are fine and he hasn't felt any urges to break into their home or isolate them all for himself and he thinks things are better now that he's better now that is until they text him asking him advice on how to confess to their crush and he feels his gut twist at the possibility of losing them to someone else but they need help and who is he to deny them his guidance

So he teaches them how to flirt how to appeal to them and etc all the while he's teaching them he's learning more about their love interest and as soon as he gets their name he's looking them up and getting a full background check on them and while they had maybe one or two late book fees he can't find anything wrong with them they're a pretty great person and he can't help but want to tear his own hair out at finding out they're a good person and that they'd make a wonderful partner for his friend the love of his life even he can't just say they can do better because their love interest is better better than himself even cause they surely aren't stalking them nor are they taking minor objects from their home or thinking about locking them away so no one can have them they're so good and it pisses him off so bad

Now this could go any direction like Dr. Ratio letting his thoughts win and he kidnaps them or kills their crush so they don't get with them or who knows maybe he makes it so their crush has to move because of a work transfer or something he could really do anything and get away with most things as he's smart enough to figure out ways to get what he wants without a trace he could even get their crush arrested for a crime if he did things right he could even have it appear that their lover is cheating on them if he wanted possibilities are almost endless

I'd like for him to slowly isolate them with with rumors or such that have some truth to them so they aren't easily passed off by people and have them get bullied by others and rejected by their crush so that they feel like they aren't worth anything even to him but he reassures them he doesn't think poorly of them and if they can't stand living in that area anymore they could move in with him and study with him and they get a bit hesitant but they go with him because they can't stand the harassment any more and Dr. Ratio feels guilty for using such a tactic against them but he at least has them by his side now and eventually they wind up together all while they never realise what he's done to get them to come with him idk it'd be nice to have a yandere that doesn't resort to murder or kidnapping to get what they want is all I'm saying

#honkai star rail x reader #dr. ratio x reader #yandere honkai star rail #silly little ideas

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ptn-imagines · 1 year ago

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Any thoughts on what a romantic relationship with Countess Chelsea would be like? 🥺 Thank you very much for your hard work, you're doing great 💛

Thank you for your kind words! As a matter of fact, I've thought about this often... You didn't specify, so I just wrote for Chief!Reader!

Romantic relationship between Countess Chelsea and Chief

It’s a relationship that surprises even the Chief themself, though they’re firm on one thing with Chelsea: they’re her partner, not her sugar baby. Please stop asking.

Chelsea does, in fact, stop asking, but not for the reasons you might think. Rather, she has everything she wants already; it’s normal to spoil your partner, isn't it? Why risk upsetting her beloved Chief over it?

This naturally means that Chief has to set boundaries very quickly, firmly stating that if Chelsea can't respect them, their relationship won't continue.

Chelsea pouts about it, but ultimately, her love for Chief wins out and she backs off.

Well, somewhat. She'll still buy the Chief a multitude of fancy and expensive gifts and shower them in gems, at first. Over time, as her relationship with the Chief develops, she'll swap from attaining gifts for Chief with her money to attaining opportunities for Chief with her influence. She's not afraid of using her power to lean on some influential people, and Chief will find themself having more free time than ever before.

Of course, when many of these outing opportunities inevitably turn into Mania incidents, Chelsea is fiercely loyal and protective. Sitri is always at Chief's side. If there are humans, not just Corruptors and Mania entities, involved in the crisis, if anyone tries to hurt the Chief… Chelsea will take care of them.

Chelsea doesn't take pleasure in making people disappear, but they're giving more worth to society as pretty gemstone statues anyway…

This behavior is the source of many disagreements between Chelsea and Chief, and is probably the biggest threat to their relationship. Chief absolutely hates this method of protecting them, but Chelsea is stubborn. Then again, so is Chief – plus they know that to some degree, it's an instinctive reaction triggered by Chelsea's Mania. They want to help Chelsea improve, but they know that it's not going to happen overnight.

In the occasional moments where Chief retires early, they like to visit Chelsea in her cell. The Countess is always incredibly excited and insists on Chief staying the night. When Chief answers that it's not allowed, she pouts and asks to at least cuddle Chief for a bit and help them get ready for bed. This, at least, is something Chief agrees to; it's something that thrills Chelsea too, since Chief doesn't usually let her be super physically affectionate during the day. She'll take these chances to plant soooo many kisses over her beloved Chief.

Mostly, affection during the day is limited to moments where Chelsea feels compelled to “mark her territory.” She's a jealous type, but can mostly restrain her reaction to other Sinners’ flirting to huffs and puffs and pouts… Except for a few Sinners that tend to cross a line for her.

Take Eirene, for example. The Countess despises Quinn's president in particular. Chelsea isn't blind to how Eirene treats her darling Chief as a pawn or property, and she's not afraid to get hissy when confronting the S-Rank, telling her to keep her paws off her Chief! Eirene never listens, though, which leads to common and heated altercations between the two. Chief has to keep them both separated for their own safety, though they're secretly touched at how far Chelsea is willing to go to defend them.

Whenever Chief sends her on a dispatch mission, Chelsea begs for the Chief to come with her. Usually, Chief has to decline, much to the Countess's disappointment, but on the rare occasion the Chief is actually able to accompany her, Chelsea never shows anything less than perfect performance.

Chelsea is also way too comfortable with barging into the Chief's office unannounced. She's hardly the only one, but she's definitely one of the most noticeable – constantly trying to sweep Chief away from their work to spend time with her. It's both distracting and endearing.

Oh, and Chelsea has planned the wedding out down to the last detail, of course. Chief nearly had a heart attack when she announced her plans, and reminded her that they weren't even engaged.

Chelsea tried to propose then and there, and has done so several times after as well, in exceedingly romantic gestures. Chief has said no each time, much to the Countess's profound disappointment, but… Honestly, if not for their job? They would've said yes already.

Sometimes, Chief wonders if they're doing Chelsea a disservice by being with her when their job demands so much of their time… But Chelsea always shushes them, saying that as long as she can have them, nothing else matters…

…Though if Chief wanted to quit, she wouldn't object to providing for them. This usually gets a fond eye roll and a gentle slap on the wrist from Chief.

#ptn #path to nowhere #ptn countess chelsea #path to nowhere countess chelsea #ptn chelsea #path to nowhere chelsea #countess chelsea #chelsea #ptn headcanons #path to nowhere headcanons

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villainintern · 7 months ago

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A compiled FAQ of things people are commonly curious about. ⬇️

(For the TL,DR short answers- skim the bolded words!)

How often will the demo update?

As fast as I can write it, every few months on average! This is a passion project of mine I guess, I'm working on it whenever I have free time (and daydreaming about it during my other responsibilities). However, I am a full time college student with a part time job, and also a part time actual internship, so I usually have some other thing on my front burner. But I want to get this thing done ASAP so I can submit it for publishing!

Help, I'm stuck at my desk computer!

This isn't the end! You've reached a mini-puzzle. Hints and solution here.

How will my super-abilities upgrade/change as the game progresses?

Your eventual power ups will happen on their own. They look a lot like "upgraded" versions of the initial abilities- sort of spin-offs, similar but stronger and with a twist to keep things interesting. It unfortunately won't be a branching choice (too many ability combos to track) but it will vary quite a bit depending on your initial power picks.

Genoid players will experience a mutation. Dormant genes will activate, causing a physical transformation and enhanced creature abilities.

The cyborg skill tree is gated by how much energy you can store in your power banks. This improves as you get better batteries. Your character will tinker on themselves, improving old augments and adding new ones to account for weaknesses.

Will there be romance? Who are the romantic options?

Villain Intern is very character driven, you'll be able to have all sorts of unique and varying dynamics with the people you meet. Your romantic endeavors are absolutely a part of this (so yes!).

Currently, I have optional romantic storylines planned for Reid/Reney Sullivan, Peter Hyde, Dr. Elaine Foster, T9-670, and Blink.

My goal is to integrate these with the main plot as much as possible, so they feel like natural progressions rather than side-stories. For the less inclined, and to encourage interaction with the whole cast, you can also forge friendships, make frenemies, enemies, recruit minions, swear allegiances, develop a nemesis, become a sidekick to bigger villains/heroes, etc!

Will there be explicit content?

I generally don't write erotica, and I don't plan to include, like, explicit sex scenes. Apologies if you were hoping for that! That's not to say sex doesn't exist in the story, you may see fade-to-blacks and innuendos and stuff like that depending on your choices.

However, I reserve the right to include as much cursing and wanton violence as I please.

How long will the finished game be? Is there a sequel/series planned?

Personally, I think an interactive fiction game needs at least 400,000 words to really feel complete. So expect that, and probably more! As for the sequel- yes, that's in my outlines. By the end of this game, your character will either be promoted, defect to the superhero company, or fail to do either for various reasons. So naturally we'll need to see how that plays out- an internship is just the first chapter of your career, after all.

Will this game be screen reader friendly? Will you add a screen reader mode?

Yes, accessibility is important to me! It's difficult to implement in beta, with so much of the text and code in flux, but when things are finalized I'll go back and add a complete screen reader mode. There will be more updates & info posts for this down the line.

I have a question/concern that isn't listed here.

Please stop my my inbox! I'm grateful for everyone's generous interest, feedback, and bug testing, and I'm more than happy to chat about whatever. Also, it's fun to get mail. 💌

#faq #info

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mangatxt · 2 years ago

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any advice on how to improve writing style/get ideas for fics and dialogue? i’m forever in love with the way you write. it flows well, and the dialogue is super authentic and funny. i’m trying to get back into writing after a couple years of being crushed by the american secondary education system, so any tips would be much appreciated.

keep it up with the good work! i look forward to continue reading :))

Holy moly, this is a super kind ask. I'm so happy to know that you enjoy my work. Thank you for sending this!

As for the meat of this ask -- I'll do my best! I'll offer some reflections and then link some resources I've personally found helpful! I apologize for the length of this answer. This ask gave me a lot to think about, and brevity is my weakness as a writer.

I answer this with a few caveats:

I'm not an expert. I'm just loud.

I teach writing for a living, but I don't teach creative writing specifically. I do, by nature of my job, have more time for reading and writing than I did as a full-time student or corporate employee. That alone makes a huge difference. Everyone goes at their own pace, and it's hard to be creative without time, especially when you're starting out or getting back into writing after a break.

I write humor, so I'll discuss that primarily. While writing has rules that generally yield better results, comedy works often because it violates those established rules. Like many writing teachers, I have fully internalized the touted "canon" of Strunk & White's Elements of Style and George Orwell's Remedy of Six Rules. But sometimes, adverbs are funny. So I'll write an adverb, say "fuck you George Orwell," and, scandalously, call it a day.

If you want to deconstruct and consequently ruin comedy forever, start with Theories of Humor and then, to extend your suffering, hit the footnotes.

Humor writing is culturally dependent. You won't make everyone laugh. You'll flop. You'll embarrass yourself. You have to be willing to risk being unfunny. So it goes.

You can always publish anonymously on AO3 if it helps you start. Or for any reason. You can change your mind and claim it back to your account. Or you can abandon it entirely. I've done it plenty. Sometimes, it's what you need to do to draw up the nerve to put yourself out there, and that's completely fine.

Reflections

My first personal rule is that I write stories for myself, fic or original. If someone else likes it, that's a bonus. I write what I want to read. That factors into my overall writing style too. I write how I'd want someone else to write it for me. Even if someone's written it before, which is often the case with fic writing and popular tropes, I might want to hear it in another way. See: The Two Cakes Principle.

My second personal rule is that I write something every day. Even if it's a little bit. Even if it's all trash. Anything's better than nothing. Write without editing. Write without your spell checker on, even. (As they say "write drunk, edit sober" -- I don't drink much, so for me that means "write at 3AM, edit at not 3AM"). The more you play around with words and practice your voice, the easier it will get. Part of this is honing the muscle or whatever, but part of this is also gaining familiarity with structure that will make writing forever easier. How do journalists crank out stories everyday? There's a structure to newspaper and magazine articles that makes it easier to plug in the words and go. You'll find your own in creative writing too. Plus, the more you write, the easier it is to let go of things (aka kill your darlings). (Killed darlings go in your bits folder.)

My third personal rule is that I write every idea down, no matter how vague or ridiculous, because I might be able to use it later. I never want to lose things. I use my phone notes for this. They're full of silly ideas -- funny things I overhead at the library, out-of-context conversations I imagine Reigen and Dimple having, Wikipedia articles that I liked, funny plot concepts, etc. The other day, I wrote down, "The gang carbon-dates Dimple." I dunno where I'm going with that, but I like the idea. I write a lot of my plot ideas in IASIP title card style. It's more fun that way. Always prioritize having fun.

One last personal rule is that the mechanical act of writing has a purpose. You're rarely writing for the purpose of writing well, right? Most of the time, in class or at work, I'm writing for the purpose of being understood by my audience, and therefore, I do whatever I must to make my message better understood, even at the expense of "good writing." Here's a silly example: I've learned the hard way that some of my co-workers can't fucking read. So instead of paragraphs, I write emails in bullet points with bold and underlined text. At the expense of prose, the message is more likely received, and that's the goal.

This example might be on the nose, but it applies in some way to everything I write. When I write fic, I have to have a purpose. Maybe I'm trying to make myself laugh. Maybe I'm trying to explore some theme or feeling. Maybe I'm trying to correct canon. Maybe I'm trying to speculate how the conman will handle a Situation. Whatever that end is, I find the writing comes easier when I focus on the end more than the process of writing. It helps me stay focused, when I remember that writing's just the tool. I hope that makes sense.

Developing a writing style or a narrative voice depends on the writer. I'm an amalgamation of what I've read and watched and enjoyed, combined with formal writing education and my own personal narration. I hate to be the person who says "read a lot to write more!" I hate it so so so much, but...it's true. (That said, it doesn't have to be the classics. I get inspiration from there, sure, but I also get inspiration from sitcoms and crossword clues and the inane HOA emails my landlord forwards to me. "Honored neighbors, we are ecstatic to announce fire alarm testing next week..." Like, I'm sorry? That's a work of art I've filed away for later.)

For fics, some of the way I write is homage to the original creator. I consider this a plus, not a requirement. ONE writes satire. He's foremost a humorist. Most of his works are genre deconstructions. Like most shonen mangaka, he writes shorter narrative arcs that sum to (or in his case, reflect across) the overall narrative arc of the work. He's also pretty cringe/over-the-top with wordplay and cultural references (pop and traditional). When I try to reflect elements of his style in my own work, I find his characters easier to work with. For me, it's hard to write something fully comedic or fully serious with MP100 characters. The alternation between comedy and tragedy in MP100 works because it plays on emotional investment in the characters and subversion of expectations.

That said, I'm going to have to add something controversial: as a fic writer, how much you adhere to the original work doesn't fucking matter. (See my first rule -- write what you want to read.) Fic writing is meant to be transformative. The amount that you should care about canon depends on what you're trying to accomplish. My advice is to play fast and loose as much as you want. Unfollow and block the "he wouldn't fucking say that" people if it helps you write. I do, because they're annoying. Characterization is a product of audience internalization. Further, every work is for someone. Most importantly, you're doing this for fun, not pay or obligation. Sure, maybe ONE wouldn't write Reigen saying a particular line, but ONE also writes homophobic stereotypes into his works. No matter what you do, by definition of writing a fan work, you're gonna stray from canon. It's not holy word. Don't waste your finite man hours stressed about it.

Moving on to discussion of "get ideas" -- I mentioned I write every idea down. I try to stick with ideas I know fairly well off the bat, because it's easiest to write what you know. In absence of that, I find more inspiration in the research into an idea. Much of the action in TPC was heavily inspired by George Santos's many misdeeds, which I read in the news or on Wikipedia.

If I can distill the idea into a premise, it informs my narrative voice in a given work. Write what you know applies to premise as much as character perspective. You're always going to have an easier time writing a character you relate to or you encounter in real life and know quite well. You might consider this to get started. Personally, I find Reigen and Mezato easiest to write, because I relate to them the most. I find Serizawa and Shigeo more difficult to write, because I have more trouble relating to their life experiences. On the other hand, I find Roshuuto easy to write, because his brand of villainy is more familiar to me.

There's this notion of plotting vs pantsing. A plotter outlines every facet of their work before doing any writing. A pantser makes it up as they go (read: "by the seat of their pants"). Figuring out which one you are will enable you to write more comfortably.

Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. For MP100, I always know where a work will end when I start. In TPC, the second scene I ever wrote was the epilogue. For me, the middle is what's more up in the air. In my experience, it's very difficult to be a total pantser and write comedic multi-chapter works, unless you write the whole thing before you post. It's not impossible, but in my opinion, humor relies on callbacks and repetition so much that you risk writing yourself into a wall if you're not careful. In general, I don't start formally "fic writing" without an overarching premise, but the premise might be as simple as: "Against everyone's better judgment, Reigen runs for union president. It blows up in his face."

This was my original outline for TPC before I even wrote chapter one:

I had the overarching narrative and the rough timeline for the mini-arcs in mind when I started. A lot of it ended up changing or shifting. I had a few themes I wanted to cover and comedic elements I wanted to set up. But when it came down to more specific mini-arc narrative details, I either plotted later or got away with pantsing it entirely.

Sometimes as I write chapters, I get stuck on individual scenes. Maybe I'm struggling to write scenery, or I haven't figured out a character interaction, or the dialogue isn't flowing the way I'd like. To deal with that, I have trained myself to write out of narrative order as needed. I write the scenes I'm most excited about first, and then I come back and fill in the rest of the connective tissue. This is easier in Scrivener, which is what I use to write, but you can set up any word processor to do this. Even within scenes, I sometimes skip parts that I need to think about for longer. Sometimes, I don't even finish sentences.

I'll write something like:

"Apparently you're quite popular on a particular Mobbit sub," he tells Reigen. Reigen's not sure he wants to know which one. "It was r/<SOMETHING FUNNY>. Did you know they hit a million subscribers this week? I think you helped."

And then in the middle of the night or in the shower or at the grocery store or whenever I think of "<SOMETHING FUNNY>", I fill it in later. When I edit, I make sure I clear out any remaining "<>." I do what I can, and then Future Ani does the rest. *handshake emoji*

For comedy writing, there are rules I follow that I'll link later on. While I've been inspired by a lot of other humor novelists or essayists, I also take a lot of inspiration from TV and standup.

I took a screenwriting class in college -- and while I didn't get the knack of screenwriting (B-, unlucky), I did learn a lot about plot progression, dramatic irony, show-not-tell, rule of threes, and scene setting. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I found it helpful. You can see some of that inspiration manifest, for example, in that many of my fics have cold opens. I've always liked that comedic structure for drawing in the reader while establishing an overarching theme for the chapter. I do a lot of scene-switching and flashbacks as well. Scene-setting in comedy often involves juxtaposition -- e.g. "what if we put the weirdest loner from 7th division in a highly-collaborative corporate setting?". You're subverting expectations, and this is where you break the rules. Sometimes, comedy is about using the funniest word or word combination possible to describe something.

On that note, take some tips from poetry too. Alliteration, repetition, synecdoche, a lot of poetic devices work well here, because, like poetry, comedy writing depends on build-up and timing. Rules are best broken when it's rare and unexpected. It's way funnier and impactful when a character who never swears drops an f-bomb when they've finally had enough. Here's another example: in general, you should avoid epithets in fic writing, but it's all about being judicious with your timing. I can call Reigen "the union's esteemed president" instead of his name in a scene in Executive Privilege, because I juxtapose it with him doing something less-than-esteemed.

Perhaps less obviously, the TV influence manifests in the way I write dialogue too -- shorter and generally interleaved between the characters. While I read everything I write out loud during editing to check flow, I especially focus on tightening up dialogue. I don't always get it right, but I try to make sure that every word in a piece of dialogue has to have a purpose: either characterization or timing, in that order. Serizawa uses a lot of "I think" or "In my opinion." Reigen...does not do that. And Dimple is a master of the last word in the form of a pithy quip. If I plan my scenes to use that characterization to support the comedic timing I'm shooting for, it works all the better. (e.g. -- let Reigen babble on like an expert about something he doesn't actually know anything about, let Serizawa think on it for a while and come to a conclusion that puts Reigen on the spot, let Reigen backtrack, and then let Dimple add his jab at the end. And scene.)

Aaand that's a lot of reflection. Probably too much reflection. These are some considerations that have helped me over time, so I hope others might find it helpful too. Getting started is tough, and it's often terrifying to put your work out there (and somehow, even more terrifying to put a GDoc in front of a beta reader, I haven't a clue why but it's true for me!). But once you start, I promise it gets easier! You'll build yourself a foundation and continue to pick up things you like, discard things you don't like, and grow from there.

Thanks again for sending this ask. It means a lot to me. Happy to continue the conversation and field other people's thoughts on any of this! Like I said, this is a reflection on my process, but everyone develops their own unique approach to writing over time. Mine changes over time too. Above all, I hope you can heal from the crush of the education system, find enjoyment in writing again, and discover the style and process that works for you <3

Resources (AKA things I personally have bookmarked):

general writing (in addition to Strunk&White, Orwell, and others mentioned earlier):

how to get out of a writing slump (this fixed me once)

masterlist of general writing resources

another big ass masterlist

resources for describing places

masterlist of facial expressions

how to write an inciting incident

i found this recently: cultural differences writing work set in japan

i also follow writing prompt blogs, nanowrimo, character and relationship week blogs, etc. prompts can be a great way to start and build community with other writers!

comedic writing:

basic tips on writing humor

comedic devices

comedic genre

i can't find the link for this BUT: humor and comedy is not inherently less complex or wise or valuable than non-comedic work. writing is writing and fics are fics, whether they make the reader laugh, cry, or both.

#ask #mp100 #writing #writing resources #m0bloo #comedy writing #fic writing #sorry i went nuts but this really made me think and i appreciate that #and if you ever want a reader or a cheerleader feel free to reach out #testimonials #fic updates

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puzzledmemories · 7 months ago

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((hi. um. i disappeared for a couple weeks. i did not mean to disappear for a couple weeks.))

((i'm very sorry. the fatigue just was not letting up on me after i was sick. i've barely done anything outside of work, haven't touched my computer a whole ton, i've been helping train people at work, i've spent most of the time i disappeared resting, i was also super depressed for a good chunk of it, and really stressful things were happening at work and kinda still are which drains me. and now i feel super anxious coming back because i'm worried people are gonna be mad i disappeared, which i feel bad about. i've been trying to get myself to post back on here that i'm back and start being active again for about 24 hours.))

((the fog in my brain finally cleared up most of the way for me on Monday (the 23rd). I also had a lot to do on Monday, a lot of taking care of my physical health things. and i had a lot to do after work today, too. Which Has Improved My Mood and Given Me More Energy, but also wore me out. i feel like i finally have thoughts in my head again and can think and am capable of writing! but also it's 2 AM so i'm going to try to be back on tomorrow because i need to sleep soon.))

((i've seen that i have a lot in my inbox, and i know i had that magic anon with shark going... i'll continue threads with that if people are interested in it, and i'll "finish it out" the way i originally planned to. and if people wanna start new threads with that magic anon in the next few days i'm also good with that. i have other magic anons in my inbox but i'm not sure if i should be touching those right away or not. that's just my anxiety yelling at me.))

((i'll reply to threads i had ongoing too, but if anyone wants to drop any of them bc it's been a minute, that's totally fine, no one should be blamed for that and i won't be upset over it or anything. rp's all about fun and we should do the things that are fun and if something doesn't feel fun anymore then it's all good to move on to something else. i really really need to respond to dms too, because i've barely touched those, either. idk if i'll be able to poke on at work at all tomorrow but i really really want to respond to people.))

((my brain just kind of shut off and communication was really painful in the sense that being on my computer was. hard and bothering me. it's not so bad now.))

((i'm gonna commit to start being on here again tomorrow though, and really try hard to hold myself to it, i've missed everyone on here so much and i've thought about you all lots. sorry for long post, i felt it was warranted after kinda disappearing, though...i'm sorry about that, i just really wasn't well for a bit))

#ooc;;#((I should be starting a new migraine medication in the near future. With any luck this should help))

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chaosmultiverse · 2 months ago

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A few HCs about Slobo's disabilities

Slobo has a chronic condition as a result of his faulty genes, though this was an improvement from the terminal condition he had before. When Slobo was turned into stone, and then later freed within my main verse it stabilized his body, it won't deteriorate any further but it's now stuck in limbo, parts still on the edge of failure and some things just not working anymore, such as his eyesight.

Slobo's previous eye color of yellow was due to the genes responsible for them being mutated, while he hid it his eyesight deteriorated thoughout his time with Young Justice, at first things on the edges of what should have been his sight range weren't, his sightline was slimmer and slimmer.

In the present day Slobo can't see, but it isn't pitch darkness like media tends to protray, like a lot of real blind people the answer is a little more complicated, since Slobo is an alien I got more creative with what he can still sense, so instead of the more common light sensitivity or pin-point vision (where a field close to the size of a pin is visible), the nerves in Slobo's eyes that detect movement still work a bit, and combined with his other senses he can work out where things like people & animals are.

Given the specifics of Slobo's blindness he struggles most with things like movement in tighter spaces/bumping into things and text based stuff. But does better in situations like fights.

Super Cycle is sort of like a seeing eye dog for Slobo, helping him when he's out on the field and helping him with things in the workshop.

Slobo is working on learning brile, and primarily uses a screenreader to access technology, and speech to text when texting people.

Slobo deals with both chronic pain and chronic fatigue.

The chronic pain comes from a mix of things, but largest being his joints and muscles which aren't resilient enough for his "super" strength, as well as the extreme wear and tear of getting into super fights did to him when he was terminal.

Meanwhile the chronic fatigue is also a variety of sources, including the pain, but also his body having a harder time breaking down nutrients and getting them into his system, so just existing takes more energy.

There are a lot of days that Slobo's pain or fatigue, or both are so bad that he can't leave bed (or wherever he happened to rest) and has to just rest. Though he is prone to still pushing himself to work on things while in this state.

It is safe to assume that after any large fight thread that Slobo will be bedbound for the next few days. And for more minor fights he'll have to rest for at least the rest of the day.

As you might be able to tell, Slobo is bad at listening to his body and has some bad internal ableism, pushing his limits too much too often being one of the most notable ways. But there are also things like him not looking into getting a blindcane or seeing eye dog for everyday life, nor even considering getting a caregiver for his bad days. Like the issue isn't necessarily having the things mentioned before, every disabled person is different, it's that he doesn't consider these options due to not wanting to be a burden nor admit he's not as able to do things as he used to be.

#Slobo ☆Info☆

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fellowshipofthenoodles · 2 years ago

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Let's talk a bit about leopard gecko enclosures!

The absolute minimum size for any adult leopard gecko is 36x18x18 inches (3x1.5x1.5 feet). You can typically put juveniles immediately into an enclosure this size - as long as there is enough decor and hides for them to feel secure then they'll be fine

Where possible, bigger enclosures are great! Leopard geckos absolutely love having extra space to explore, and even height too. Leopard geckos are thought as terrestrial animals, and while that is true they do love to climb and giving a leopard gecko background of any kind is an excellent way to encourage exercise as well as give them extra hiding spots if you do a custom built background

Outdated information says that leopard geckos can be housed permanently in a 24 inch (2 foot) enclosure but this isn't true!

As well as the space to exercise, a bigger enclosure allows for a better heat gradient which is very important for them to thermo regulate their body temperature. They need a warm basking spot (which can be improved with something like slate to absorb heat that they can bask on or lay on at night) but their cool end doesn't need the same heat and it can be dangerous for them to not be able to escape the heat of their basking area

Wooden vivariums are typically best for leopard geckos since they hold heat very well, but since these aren't really available in some countries something like a glass Exo Terra would be alright as long as you make sure to check on their temperatures. PVC could potentially work but they do hold humidity very well which could be a problem for your leopard gecko(s) since their humidity shouldn't be over 60% for long (35-60% is the safe zone). Enclosures should be front opening, not something top opening like a repurposed fish tank. Wooden viv con is that typically the substrate can't be that deep, so a substrate guard of some kind may help there, a glass enclosure is better suited for deeper substrate. Leopard geckos should have a few inches of substrate in order to display their natural behaviours since they do burrow in the wild.

This isn't a super thorough post, but I hope it's helpful for some people! Feel free to add on to it, ask questions (on the post or in an ask) or whatever else.

If anyone wants to argue against any of what I'm saying then please provide sources that are recent science to back it up otherwise I won't consider responding in any way.

#starlight talks #husbandry #leopard gecko #eublepharis macularius #reptiblr

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nymphrasis · 5 months ago

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Drawings are paused for a good bit, mostly because I want to both focus on working some gift art for Crimmus towards a few people ( I am hoping to possibly do more? Depends if I have the time to squeeze in more peeps to do art of >w< ) and I want to try to game more ( Since while I did play games this year, I have done a majority of my focus with art, game script, and irl life stress. Things have calmed down yesyes and I have slowly been gaming more this month, which has been a real good destressor! )! Esp since I got two new games, that being Eastward and Granblue Fantasy: Relink ^3^! Have yet to decide which to play first hehe >w<.

Really would like to try to do a bit less art for just a short bit! Mostly just to focus on other enjoyments nwn/. Not for super long. Just for a few days or so really!

I do want to say a few more things! 1) I am not ignoring any inbox messages! I have read them and didn't post just yet! I always read the messages that pops in whenever I log on >w<! There is already still one pending, which is to do fanart of another blog <3! I do still want to really do that one but I have been putting off on it ( It is a blogger who I super like too :D ). 2) Should all else goes well, later this month I should be able to move to my grandmother's place. I won't say the full details of what are the problems. Just feel that being away from something that hasnt been making me feel well mentally is a better move than to remain ^ ^". 3) I hope to make it a goal where I do more fanart and socialize with people more! I want to have that self improvement of talking with more new and old people ;w;! It has slowly gotten better and I hope to continue on with this process! Heck, I was even thinking of doing irl community activities to help with social confidence! I really want to rework on my groove, to be that social butterfly again ;w;. Because that was a trait that I really miss having like back then.

#nymphrasis #ramble #Really hope to be a averagely good person nwn #Hope to meet more people and that I can be better socially!

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crystalelemental · 11 months ago

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Kitties update. Interactions and Coco's Braveries.

Let's start with individual celebrations. Gia is no longer running from us as immediately, and is willingly receiving pets with her meals. She's still less affectionate than Coco, but she's never mean, just not as engaged. She's our independent daughter.

Coco, meanwhile, is getting so close to a Category 5 Lap Event.

We brought out a step for Bond, because he's old and can't make it to the couch. Coco has decided this is her perch, although if my wife isn't on the couch, Coco will sometimes come up to the far side of it with me. Please note: Coco on her perch would not look at me, because cat mother was playing video games and she has front row seats.

When I'm not on the couch, she will steal my spot. Every time. We're getting to the point I can pet her on the couch, but only if I'm standing. If I get to close while sitting she doesn't seem to love that, but we are getting better about it. Moreover, I was able to give her a Coco Kissie today. It was on her back when she wasn't looking at me, because she gets scared if my face gets too close. She startled at first and made to run, but then realized she wasn't being eaten and came back. She seems to be a bit calmer about me getting close now, and is getting very direct about seeking attention. She tried to jump the baby gate one day, and is getting close to the bedroom when I wake up. I was also able to coax her out from under the guest bed, which is absolutely huge. We'll get her to that vet appointment yet.

Now, we're still acclimating Bond and the gremlins. It's very slow going and I don't think it's quite perfect, but it's improving.

While we're home, we leave the baby gate down and monitor them. This is, in part, because Bond had to have some teeth extracted. He's old, they knew he had a cracked tooth, but apparently it got infected. They told us that during surgery, two of his teeth just fell out on their own once the first was taken. So apparently, some of his harder to read behaviors may have been because his entire face hurt. Hard to say how long he was like that, but we seem to have caught it before infection could spread all that far. Crisis averted.

Anyway, while hopped up on painkillers, he was as zonked as you would imagine, which meant he wouldn't be aggressive toward them because he barely registers that they're there. This went okay. He'd wander around, completely oblivious, and Coco would kinda stay away and hiss a bit. She does not like him very much, but she's at least not hostile. She'll run if he gets too close. And being younger, she and Gia can jump around to the window alcove, where he can't reach. Which is good.

The problem right now is that it seems Bond is food aggressive. I assume this is because he isn't getting as much food as he was before, in part because he is super chunk and needs to lose a bit of weight, but also in part because he seems to think all people food is his food and I don't play that game. So if he sees the other two eating anything, he will growl at minimum, and charged Gia about it, so Gia's actually scared of him. He did get scolded though, and I like to think the other two recognized we're keeping them safe too.

The only reason this creates a problem is that right now, Bond is coming out of his stupor and is hungry, but he can't eat easily. So he sees their food and wants to go for it, but that's not his. We'll set out the same food for him in a separate bowl in a separate spot, but he won't eat his, he goes after theirs. It's difficult to get him to differentiate. Also difficult to get him not to be a bastard. The girls eat intermittently for a few hours after being fed, and we want them to have that, but if we let him out in the living room to sit with us, he'll get aggressive about seeing them eat. We could feed them in a separate spot, but the house is small and I can't think of a great space for it. Also I feel like eventually we need to figure out a way for them to get along, even with food present, so I'm not sure how to introduce all that.

Still, the fact they're tolerating each other from a distance is a good start. We're using the guest room to mingle scent, giving Bond access some days and the girls access other days, as a sort of "common area." I'm thinking this might be where we feed them when we go into work, so it's an associated location that alternates. We did have a toy exchange. Coco liked Bond's plush banana, and he liked a little jingle toy. Neither was the other's favorite, but it is coated in their scent, so again, we're hoping the exchange works.

Slow but steady progress. We're not quite at unsupervised mingling, and Coco does not yet trust me enough to be placed in my lap, but we're close.

#cat shenanigans

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himemiya-kun · 2 years ago

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Secret Swan (Chapter 5)

« Chapter 4 • End

Back to list

Chapter 5: The Truest Self

Summer

Characters:

• Tori Himemiya

• Tsukasa Suou

• Eichi Tenshouin

Tori: (I got help from Producer without asking for help… At this rate, I’ll never be able to find a way to improve...)

I remember during the filming of “Fist of the Shangri-la Idol”, Eichi-sama seemed to use special methods to stimulate our acting skills.

If only I could think of a method like Eichi-sama… but that's Eichi-sama.

Sigh…

Ah!? Ow, ow, ow… Who is it! Is it hard to see where you’re going?!

Tsukasa: Oh, you were the one who bumped into me while walking without looking, didn’t you, Tori-kun? So why is the villain filing a complaint first?

Tori: Ugh, it’s Tsukasa…

I really don't want to talk to you right now, so you should leave quickly. This is the secretary you're talking to. Now leave me alone.

Tsukasa: Oh? You’re usually so arrogant, but now you’re willing to lose without a fight in an argument with me?

I’m really curious to know what made you look so troubled, maybe you were preached by Fushimi-senpai again?

Tori: What do you mean ‘again’! Yuzuru praises me more often than scolds me recently, you are the one who is often lectured by Sena-senpai, right?

Hmph, next time when Sena-senpai comes, I will tell him that you secretly eat snacks every day after class!

Tsukasa: Hold on…! Did I start spreading rumours if I couldn’t say it, you liar! I’m just curious about what kind of trouble people like you have, but it seems that I shouldn’t have given you any extra care in the first place!

Tori: Huh~? An idiot full of evil thoughts like Tsukasa will not understand the troubles of a cute and simple person like me.

Tsukasa: You are Tori who obviously doesn’t know what respect is?! I don’t want to have the same knowledge as an insolent boy like you!

Tori: I'm too lazy to talk nonsense with an uneducated guy like Tsukasa!

Tsukasa: Ahhh…! For a person like Tori, there are so many fans who believe that you are really a pure angel, they praise you for being cute, I really want them to see you like this!

Tori: Hmm? What are you talking about, am I not cute now?

Ah…!

(The plot of the short film roughly expresses that even if the world doesn’t understand you, you must dare to show your true self, show the side you want people to see, and pursue what you want…)

(In the eyes of Yuuki-senpai and the others last year, as well as in the eyes of Tsukasa, even I have been the villain quite a few times.)

Tsukasa: Cute? You are the embodiment of evil sometimes! A demon!

Tori: Heh heh heh, so what if I’m the incarnation of evil? The original me is the cutest me ♪

That's great, it's another step ahead of you. It won’t be long before I can leave you far behind. When the time comes, you will kneel down and cry and beg me to forgive you. Maybe I will agree ♪

Tsukasa: What the… What’s the matter? Why do you suddenly look completely different from just now? You also said a lot of inexplicable things, which is really unpleasant!

Tori: Alas, you won't understand even if I explain it to you, idiot.

Tori: …Still, I want to thank you.

Tsukasa: You, what are you saying? Thank you? Are you saying thank you to me? Did I hear you right?

Tori: That's right ♪ Although I’m just a mere secretary, you made Tori-sama feel super excited~ Well, of course the cutest Tori-sama in the world will choose to forgive you for the time being ♪

Tori: Producer~ Here I come ♪

Eichi: Haha, we have been waiting for you for quite some time.

Tori: Eh, Eichi-sama is here too?!

Eichi: Producer told me before that she was a little worried about your situation, but judging by your appearance today, she was worrying a bit too much.

Tori: Producer is always worrying~ but this time, I really want to thank her ♪

Eichi: Mm. Producer really did a lot for us. There's one more thing she hasn't had time to finish, and while I'm waiting for her to complete it, let me tell you something first.

I feel that, now, there should be no bad influence for you.

In fact, I got news from Yuuki earlier. I don’t know why, but people from COS PRO are more inclined to participate in the audition of the “W series”.

So the “B series” has basically already been negotiated with our STAR PRO.

Tori: Eh, in other words, the audition pressure will be very light, is it just a formality?

Eichi: That’s right. In the end, even if you still can't solve the difficulties you encounter, I will ask Yuzuru and Tsumugi to help you, so that you can play this role perfectly.

But we have all seen Tori working hard. If I told you this in advance, it might make you feel that we didn't expect you from the beginning.

Because you said that you don't want me to treat you as a child again, and this time, after all, it is a job commission you personally received, I want to give you as much respect as possible.

So, in the end, you made a really amazing result that exceeded our expectations, Tori.

Tori: Hehe, I feel like I've been praised so many times by Eichi-sama recently that it feels like a dream.

Eichi: Oh, it seems that the work on Producer’s side has been completed, so go over there and have a look.

Tori: Huh? The outfit Producer handed me looks very similar to the upcoming B-Series...

Hey, this is specially tailored by Producer for me?! Because you think that if I really wear this suit, maybe I can break through the original...

Woohoo~ How can you treat me so well! Although you always avoid close physical contact with us after arriving in ES, can you let me hug you now?

No, I'll hug you even if you don't agree! Thank you, Producer ♪

Yesterday, I finally found some understanding of this role, and just now, after seeing this costume, I immediately imagined what it would look like to wear it... It proved that my idea wasn’t wrong!

I have always acted as cute as an angel in front of my fans, but in the eyes of different people, I still have some bad intentions and self-willingness, right?

So I thought, I’ll show my truest and most natural self, and show my lovely self to the fans!

This costume needs not only my cuteness, but also my confidence—

When I wear it, I'll tell the world how awesome this costume is!

And I, Himemiya Tori——is the perfect spokesperson for it.

« Chapter 4 • End

< Back to list

#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #ensemble stars translation #secret swan #tori himemiya #tsukasa suou #eichi tenshouin

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chattercap · 2 years ago

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Future Plans for Actala

Sorry for the kind of sporadic updates, I do need to be better about posting here! I post devlogs on my itch page monthly, and I've decided to crosspost the latest one here since it has some important info about Actala's future development! A copy of my latest itch devlog is under the cut!

Hello, happy June!

It's been another month (time really does fly)!

No Actala updates this time, as I ended up increasing the scope a bit on my Otome Jam project so I had to divert my attention to that (please look forward to some EXCELLENT voice acting)! Karamu will release sometime in the next couple of weeks!

But although I don't have any updates for Actala, I do have a bit of an announcement. As you might know if you played through the demo, I originally planned to illustrate the story 100% with CGs and mini-CGs. This was...unrealistic (as basically anyone with half a brain could have told you, I imagine).

This was something that became EXTREMELY apparent as I worked on Karamu. I thought I scoped very realistically (a simple scene with 2 characters and only 10k words), and I hoped to finish the game within a month. However, while I finished the script in a week, I've spent almost 2 months on the illustrations. (If I extrapolate that out for Actala, where the current script is 250,000 words...I won't finish the thing for another 4-5 years...)

Part of that is that I've been experimenting with more complex/highly rendered CGs, and taking more care with the color and compositions (you can see a sample below). For Actala, I adopted a more simple coloring style because of the high volume of illustrations, but I was never really happy with them. Rather than putting out a ton of illustrations that I'm not happy with, I'd prefer to put out a smaller number that I'm more satisfied with.

If I'm being honest, I didn't adopt the "CG only" strategy for any deep reason in particular. It was mainly a snap decision based on insecurities with my own art, as I felt like my art couldn't really stand on par with other VNs (so I decided to create value with quantity over quality). However, ultimately I think it's detrimental to the project. The amount of work required for the art just dwarfs everything else, to the point where I put off the other tasks to make a SMALL dent in the art (for instance, I really want to improve the GUI, which looks a bit clunky and not super elegant...)

So from now on, I will most likely adopt the sprite format for Actala, instead of utilizing exclusively CGs. Those sprites may or may not be animated; I'll try it out and see how I feel about them. You can still expect a lot of CGs from me, but not exclusive! Interestingly, I actually planned to do sprites in the early stages of development, and I finished almost all of them. These are over a year old at this point, so they will be completely redone, though!

I hope that this isn't disappointing to anyone (it probably isn't; I'm just stubborn as an ox when it comes to my impulse decisions...) But from a projection perspective, it's just 100% impossible to get Actala out on any reasonable timeline with the approach that I was taking. This way, I'll be able to get the game out a bit faster (with nicer illustrations, just fewer of them)! And it will give me a little more time to polish other aspects of the game, and perhaps work on a few more side projects ;)

For the rest of this month, I'll be finishing out Karamu. Then at the start of July, I'll take a bit of a game dev break before tackling the sprites! Expect to see some sketches in the next devlog~

If you read this far, thank you! See you next month :)

Chattercap

#actala #actala-news #actala-dev

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foggyparadisecandy · 1 year ago

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I've come to understand there are two fundamental relationship desires for people:

Authentic Connection

Independence and Autonomy

And in healthy people, those things are kept in a good balance.

I'm not a healthy person lol.

I'm an anxious person and I double-down on Connection and struggle with Independence.

It's funny because, in general, I have my shit together. I have a very successful life by most measures. I think most people would be super jealous of my life tbh.

But I have dysfunctions handed down to me by my parents. It's a hell of a thing but my big core fears are:

Fear of abandonment

Fear of rejection

Those are pretty closely aligned by slightly different.

[BTW - Anxious Attachments have a few other fears including:

Fear of being unsafe without a relationship (btw - this triggers actual survival threats when Anxious people feel a relationship is severing - happened to me!), Fear of not being good enough, Fear of being excluded, Fear of being seen as bad (which for me, ties closely into fear of rejection and creates People Pleasing tendencies in me).]

Fear of abandonment is the overwhelming concern that a loved one or friend will just ... up and leave me. It's a shutting down of future possibilities. It's a closure to whatever form of connection and love I was receiving.

It's why ghosting and blocking hurt me so awfully. I mean ... yeah ... no one likes to be ghosted or blocked. But for me? It hits that core wound of "I'm no longer able to get love from this other person. Who will validate my existence now?"

Fear of rejection is the overwhelming concern that a loved one or friend will not agree with me or that I will make them unhappy. Then, they will figure out that I'm not worthy of them. It's the idea of "I'm not worthy of them unless I please them and make them happy - and forget my own opinions because I don't want them to reject me."

This fear triggers the "I am bad" negative self-talk track that further deepens the other fears. It's a shit cycle to get into, let me tell you.

Look - both of those things are fucked up. But if you struggle with these things, there is hope.

A fundamental path to healing stems from improving self-esteem. Being ok with yourself. Being ok with being your own biggest supporter. Being kind to yourself.

Dial back on the Authentic Connections a bit and pump up the Independence and Autonomy a bunch (depending on HOW anxious you are this might be a whole lot of work).

Feel good with feeling good doing things for yourself, by yourself.

These are things I'm working on. I have good days. I have backwards days.

But general progress is forward.

I'm kind of fortunate - I'm only somewhat Anxious - I already lean heavily to being a Secure person. So I see that I have work but a lot of the core pieces are already in place.

My separation triggered both rejection and abandonment (several times over lol) so that made me lean heavily Anxious for the last few months. But I'm getting back to stability pretty fast.

I feel that deeply as a truth. It's not words I'm saying to convince myself.

I still care deeply about establishing Authentic Connections ... that won't go away. But I'm also feeling pretty damn good with Independence and Autonomy again.

Will the two fundamental relationship desires ever be in pure balance for me?

Will I ever heal those two core fears?

Maybe not completely. But now that I understand myself better, I have a better chance of course-correcting and avoiding getting completely out of balance.

#catharsis #self love #self care

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pbandjesse · 1 year ago

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Today was a pretty good day. Still no house updates. But honestly that was fine. I was able to have a really nice day. Even if in the afternoon I didn't feel so good. I am doing a little better now. Still feel a little unwell but it is okay. It's almost bed time, sleep will make it better.

I slept alright last night but I kind of felt like I was drowning a few times. Just have a bit of congestion that seems to get worse when I'm sleeping. So I had weird dreams and then woke up a bit unhappy. But we had plans. So I could mope in bed for to long.

When I got up I didn't like my original outfit and asked James to get my soft green jumpsuit out of storage to wear. This was the correct move and I felt a lot more comfortable. All I want was to be cozy today.

James made me a sandwich for breakfast and sat with me on the couch reading their book. It took me a bit to feel alright but I felt like I looked super cute. My hair was being really good. My face was really good. I was feeling very positive about myself.

Me and James would head out into the world. I was being pretend complaint, accusing James of making me both leave the house and wear a jacket against my will. I was having some trouble with temperature today. I was almost never a good temperature. It was a little frustrating. But I was in a good mood and excited to go to the art museum for the BMI professional development.

James parked us a little down the street but that was fine. We walked up to the museum and we weren't sure we were in the right place because the door was opaque. But James texted Jessica and everyone was inside.

I was so happy to see everyone. I wish I got more time to say more then just hello but it was so lovely talking to those I did get to.

I talked to Rosia and Meghan for a bit. I also talked to Becca did a bit. Who told me about her recent car accident. I swear I have never met someone who gets in as many accidents as her. And it's always someone hitting her! Crazy. I'm glad she's not hurt.

The program we got to do today was about how to lead participants through conversation about visual things. It's an art museum so they are great at that. We started with an improv where we had to plan a vacation but for the first round we had to shoot down everything, then the second time we say 'yes but' and then the last time we do 'yes and'. James was my partner and I really enjoyed playing a game with them. We planned a pretend vacation to Texas, then we tried to plan a trip to New Jersey to find the jersey devil for Jess to date. It was very silly.

Next we moved to one of the galleries and talked about 4 pieces about city life. And it was a super fun conversation. I loved hearing everyone's interpretations. And it was the closest to being in art school I've felt in a decade. I really just had a lovely time.

Then after our long conversation we got to do a little art project where we used paper scraps to make a city. And because I'm extra I folded my paper to make it a sculpture. The person running it made me feel so smart for doing it so differently. But everyone's was so different!! Some people made houses and some just used black strips and it was so cool to see what everyone was thinking.

I also got to meet a bunch of the new staff. I'm a little sad I'm not there much and I won't get to know them as well. But they were all super sweet from what I gathered. I hope they become the best educators. And don't leave after two months.

The final thing we did was discus the light installation "Moon dust". Me and Jessica laid on the ground to talk about it. It was just really nice to spend so much time with art. No rushing. Just like 15-30 minutes really getting into it. It was great.

We would finish up and me and James headed back home. But we weren't there for long

We would walk through the park for a minute before we drove back home. Just for James to work on their bread and soni could give Sweetp a hug. And then we were off to lunch.

We drove over to brass tap. I decided I didn't have the energy to walk there and back. I appreciated James babying me a little.

And lunch was nice. Brass tap is always to loud but the food was good and I enjoyed James's company. We talked and made plans and discussed groceries and plans for the week. It was nice. But I was a little tired.

After lunch we drove home. I would lay down for an hour while James went for a bike ride.

The rest was good but I wish it was longer. When I woke up I felt very upset and groggy. I cleaned myself up best I could. Moisturized my face. And then it was time to go to my doctor's appointment.

This appointment went. Fine. James went grocery shopping while I went in myself. I brought my new knitting project.

I was there for so long though. I finished 3 squares! Everyone was great though. Just really nice. The doctor is sending me for an x-ray. She's not worried about my blood work so that's good. She wants me to consider PT. So that's annoying but my neck hurting needs improvement.

The real issue was that my regular injectonist was not there. And the two nurses who didn't were lovely but did not actually know how to do it and I'm going to be so bruised in the end. They had the needles in my legs for forever. And the one kept wiggling the needle. So that was a little tough but they were both so nice to me so I'm not mad at them. It was just a lot with the needles being in my legs for so long. And the office was really hot. And I was struggling emotionally being so tired. I was just glad I was going home soon.

When I was done I went it find James, who had confusingly moved the car and I couldn't find them for a minute and got upset. But I found them and it was okay.

I was happy to go home. When we got back here James and me carried the groceries in. They put things away while I worked on knitting for a while. Eventually James cleaned the kitty litter and I would move to the studio to work on cleaning my desk. James would finally get their bread in the oven.

I spent a long time in my studio cleaning and also stuffing some bears and getting their faces on. It was nice feeling like I was accomplishing stuff.

James would bring me some of their finished bread and it didn't come out exactly right. Like the texture was great. But the flavor was bizarre. James apparently struggled with the salt mixing through. So as a first go it was. Fine. Could be better. Can be improved. But I'm excited for James to keep getting better.

Now though I am hanging out in bed. Watching an 8 hour 47 minutes YouTube video. Which I'm 3 hours into. I love not having to find a new video and can just. Have something to listen to. It's why I like long podcasts. Just don't make me have to keep coming back to the screen to search for a new thing! What I really miss is television. But also not really. But I hope you know what I mean.

Back to work tomorrow. No groups but me and Sarah are supposed to paint. And I have some stuff to do in the art building. I also want to start trying to collect black walnuts for dye making. We'll see what I can find. I hope I feel better.

Sleep well my friends. Goodnight!

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umichenginabroad · 3 months ago

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Victoria en France: Week 5

Helloooo from Portugal! I am officially on my 2 week break, so my next couple of posts will be mainly travel focused. Get ready to hear all about my adventures in 6 cities in 4 different countries!

Classes

This week, I had my first advanced French class. I know I am going to learn a lot in this class, because it's already more of a challenge in a good way. We are doing interview prep, so my homework is to answer common interview questions in French, such as "Tell me about yourself," "Why do you want this position," and "What are your strengths and weaknesses." My teacher asked me if I read anything in French, and I told her that I want to, but haven't been able to yet. Later that evening, she emailed me a collection of short stories that apparently aren't too difficult to understand. I downloaded them onto my Kindle, and am hoping to read them over the break (hopefully on a beach somewhere). My French has improved so much since coming here and I really want to be able to consider myself fluent in May.

In my Java class, I finished my first project, which was to code a little game. This is my first time using Java, so I was really proud to have succeeded. Here is a screenshot of the finished product. You control the sprite with the arrow keys, and it won't move through obstacles.

Study spots

In my post last week, I wrote about going to my first coworking space, which was a super cozy cafe. This week, I went to a coworking space that doubles as a rock climbing gym, and these are actually super common. My friends and I went and spent some time working on the Java project, and then we went over and rock climbed! This was my first time climbing, and I really loved it. It's really gratifying to make it to the top of the path, and you have to get creative with your maneuvers. My arms were sore the next day but it felt really good. Obligatory picture:

Things to do in Paris

My Paris activity recommendation for this week is to go to a jazz club. I went to one called Caveau de la Huchette on Monday, and it was a super fun time. Downstairs, there is live music, and the group performing was very talented and entertaining. Everyone was dancing to the music, so there was a super fun atmosphere. It was a really cool place!

ENSEA

I want to share a little bit more about my school, since I'm still learning more about it all the time. Firstly, it's very small, with the student population being around 900 or 1000 students. From what I understand, this is pretty typical of French universities. Secondly, I bring up the fact that classes are 2 hours and labs are 4 hours a lot. I want to clarify that there are breaks built into the day. They are:

9:50-10:10

12-1:30 (lunch)

3:20-3:40

5:20-5:40

There are never classes scheduled during the lunch break. If you have lecture around the coffee breaks, it will either start 10 minutes late or end 10 minutes early (sort of similar to Michigan time). If you have lab from 8am to 12pm, for example (like me the past few Tuesdays), there is a pause during the break for you to go get coffee, talk to friends, etc. Everyone mainly gathers in "La Rue," which is the central hallway/entrance area, to talk with friends and get snacks from the vending machines. They sell croissants and sandwiches here for cheap, but you have to pay with cash, and the sandwiches sell out really quickly as soon as lunch starts.

Porto!

I flew into Porto, Portugal late last night, and today was an amazing start to my break. Stepping off the plane, I immediately noticed how fresh and clean the air was, and the air quality warning that always haunts the top of my weather app in France disappeared. It's also a solid 20 degrees warmer here. It's so nice to be by the ocean! I missed smelling the salt in the air and seeing the waves. We walked along the river at sunset, and it was so gorgeous.

During the day, we went on a 10-hour excursion where we were taken on a bus through the mountains. We started in Porto and ended up in Duoro Valley. The views were absolutely stunning. We had several stops along the way, which included seeing a gorgeous church and a boat ride. Pictures DO NOT DO IT JUSTICE. But to give you an idea of what I experienced...

Portugal is a beautiful country, and I am beyond excited to keep exploring tomorrow. And the rest of the next 2 weeks are going to be just as amazing! I will be in Morocco, Spain, and Prague, and I can't decide what I am looking forward to the most.

À Plus,

Victoria Vizza

Electrical Engineering

IPE: FAME at ENSEA in Cergy-Pontoise, France

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEENSEA #VictoriaVizza #IPEWinter25 #France

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