#there's a few bits I super want to improve but I won't be able to do that with it just collecting dust in my files

[ghostlyclem]

A refreshing cup of cucumber juice?

(I've had this idea in my head for weeks now and I couldn't get it out!!!)

[petew21-blog]

Go on and possess me

Hi, my name is Ethan Baker. I'm about to graduate this year at my high school. Me and friend, Matthew, are gonna go to the same university so I'm really excited to go. Unfortunately my girlfriend, Betty, is gonna go to a uni in a different state. I really love her and we spoke about long distance, but ever since I mentioned, that I wouldn't go to the same uni as her, I started to feel that she was sort of slipping away from me. I truly love her, so I started working out and even joined the football team. She seemed proud of me, but there was still tension between us. We still want to fix our relationship, but I don't know what else to do.

Monday 7 PM

Ethan was chilling in his room, watching Tiktoks when his sister, Chloe, suddenly stormed into the room with a weird grin on her face.

Chloe:"Sup, twerp"

Ethan:"You need something? No? Piss off."

Chloe got close to him and sat on the bed. "Oh, don't be like that. I come in peace. Actually, I was thinking you could give me a review of my new bra." she took off her shirt and squeezed her breast while looking at Ethan. "It makes them look nice doesn't it?"

Ehtan:"What the fuck, Chloe?!?"

Chloe:"Oh Ethan. How I miss a human touch on my tits. I need someone to fondle them, to kiss them." she got close to shove herself against Ethan, but he moved away quickly and jumped off the bed, clearly weirded out.

Ethan:"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you NUTS?"

Chloe started laughing hysterically, but it wasn't her usual laugh. "Dude, I can't believe I managed to prank you. You should see your face."

Ethan:"Chloe? What is going on?"

Chloe:"Man, It's ME! Matt! I found a ring and I got the power to possess someone. First I possesed our dog and couldn't get out for hours. I really wanted to let you know, but I accidentally possesed Chloe. So I thought I'd mess with you a bit."

Ethan:"This is not possible. If... if you're really Matt, tell me something Chloe wouldn't know."

Matt:"Let's see. Party in the cabin, truth or dare. You were dared to make out with me in front of everyone, but you chickened out. But later in the evening when we were alone and drunk, we made out. But you claimed you're not a homo. Haha."

Ethan:"Fuck. Matt? How the fuck is this possible? Is it reversible?"

Matt:"I don't know, but I managed to get out of our dog, so let's see." Chloe’s face made a grin as if she was really trying to concentrate. Suddenly a figure trying to get out of her body appeared. And after a few seconds Matt stood behind Chloe.

Chloe looked around confused:"How did I get here?"

Matt:"You came to scream at us for being loud."

Chloe:"Right. Yeah, stay quiet you idiots." she left not noticing that her shirt was missing

Ethan:"Why doesn't she care?"

Matt:"Don't know, but I had this feeling after leaving her body, that I can manipulate her memories for a while."

Ethan:"Holy shit. I can't believe it. You have a super power. Can you imagine what we can do with that? You can erase our bad grades as our teacher, you can send us money as some millionaire."

Matt:"Or I can possess a hot chick and you can fuck me."

Ethan:"That's disturbing, man. Besides I am loyal to Betty."

Matt:"Right. The girl that won't allow you to fuck her."

Ethan:"Shut up. At least I have a girlfriend. Let's talk about your power."

The two spend hours in Ethan's room trying to come up with a plan how to improve their lives. Their main concern was to get revenge on a bully, posses teachers to get better grades and maybe later on get some cool stuff as well.

Matt looked concerned:"Ethan, I'm not really sure about possessing a guy."

Ethan:"Why?"

Matt:"Possesing a dog was easy. Your sister was a bit of an accident, but she struggled too. So I'm worried that a strong guy would be able to resist me."

Ethan:"I guess you'll have to try and see."

Matt:"I might have a better idea." Matt looked deep into Ethan's eyes.

Ethan:"No, way. I'm not letting you possess me. I know what kind of a pervert you are."

Matt:"Come on, I need to practice. And what a better chance to do it than fail later on?"

Ethan thought about it for a while. "Fine. But you'll let me see what you're doing or leave me if it won't be possible. Ok?"

Matt:"Deal"

The two of them got up and stood across each other.

Matt had a grin on his face, while Ethan didn't seem really pleased with the idea of his friend controlling his body.

Matt:"Ready?"

Ethan:"Seriously, no touching."

Matt:"Promise"

Matt stepped against Ethan and dived into him. Ethan felt as if some force was trying to pressure him from all sides. He tried to resist, but it was so much stronger.

He didn't know what happened in the following moments, but a flash from his phone "woke him up".

Ethan:"What the... Matt. Matt?!?" he heard his voice, but he didn't see his mouth move

Ethan's body posed in front of the mirror taking a photo with his shirt off

Matt:"Finally. I didn't know how to wake you up. I knew the flash would help."

Ethan:"And my shirt off would help you how?"

Matt:"I thought if I'd do anything you wouldn't agree with, it would wake you."

Ethan:"Right. Am I really suppose to believe that?"

Matt:"Maybe I just checked myself out in the mirror, just to look at your football body. I haven't even got the chance to flex yet. All I noticed was your nice figure and your tight ass jeans. Honestly, looking good bro."

Ethan:"Thanks. At least someone thinks so. Jesus, this is so weird. Seeing my body move without me controlling it."

Matt:"Can you feel anything?"

Ethan:"Yeah, I think I can. So far I felt every movement. But I'm not sure if I can feel everything"

Matt took Ethan's index finger, licked it and pushed it into Ethan's ear.

Both of them felt that disgusting feeling.

Ethan:"Why did you do that?"

Matt:"Now we know you feel everything. But if you wanna be sure, I can push it in your ass."

Ethan:"No! Ok, we know what we needed, right? You can leave me now."

Matt smiled mischievously. "We haven't even had any fun like this. It's the first out of many times we're sharing a body, just imagine what it's gonna be like to get drunk, to eat, to take a shit together, to cum or fuck someone."

Ethan:"You're not doing that in my body. Forget about that."

Matt turned to the mirror again and scanned his body.

Matt:"Honestly. What's up with Betty? You look really great, man. I don't know what her problem is." he finished speaking and started unbuttoning his pants.

Ethan:"What are you doing? We had a deal"

Matt:"Relax. I just wanna check you out in your boxers. See what the deal is about." The jeans felt on the floor.

Matt:"Woah. Look at you. Looking good, Ethan. And check out these guns. I really don't understand that bitch. If I were her, I'd fuck you the first chance I'd get."

Ethan:"Don't talk about her like that. She... she just doesn't know what she wants."

The doorbell rang. Chloe went to answer the door.

Chloe screamed.l:"Ethan! It's Betty."

Matt:"Ooooh, this is gonna be fun. LET HER IN!"

Ethan:"Matt, you have to leave. You can't talk to Betty. You'll screw it up for me."

Matt:"Relax. At least we'll see if it's not you she's worried to have sex with."

Ethan:"Matt, don't you dare. You promised."

Matt:"Shhh. No more talking."

Betty:"Who are you talking to?"

Matt:"Hey, honey. No one. Just talking to myself. What's up?"

Betty:"Ethan. I came to talk to you. I didn't want to do it over the phone."

Ethan:"She's gonna break up with me. Fuck."

Betty:"I really thought for a long time about us, but..."

Ethan felt as if a giant weight was lifted from him. It took him a moment, but he could move again. On his own.

Betty:"... but I decided that we should take next step in our relationship."

Ethan wasn't sure, what happened to Matt, but he was really surprised by Betty's response. "Wait, really?"

Betty:"Yes. I'm ready."

Ethan couldn't believe it. It was finally about to happen.

They collapsed on the bed, embracing each other. Ethan started making out with her, while her body pressed on his hardening bulge. Ethan took off her shirt and touched her breasts. Betty touched his hard dick over the boxers amd then slid her hand in his boxers and started jerking him off. Ethan kissed Betty's neck which caused her to moan.

Betty:"Oh yeah. Fuck me."

Ethan:"You're so hot, Betty."

Betty:"Finger me!"

Ethan was shocked by her new horny attitude, but slid his hand down and pushed one finger in.

Betty:"Ohh yeah. That's the stuff, dude."

Ethan:"Dude?!? Matt?!?" Ethan jumped away from him. "What the fuck?! You can't do stuff like this. To me or Betty. This is not right."

Matt was now enjoying his breasts and looking seductively at Ethan. "You know you want to fuck me, Ethan. I have been a bad, bad girl."

Ethan:"No, not like this. I want you to leave. her body"

Matt in Betty's body:"Fine, but I'm not promising anything else this time." Betty's hand reached out to Ethan. The same feeling, but now much stronger took over Ethan.

Ethan body continued to move over to Betty. "You're so hot, Betty. "

Betty looked around confused. She was shocked as she found her own fingers in her vagina and the other hand fondling her breasts. "What... what happened?"

Matt:"You said you were ready and then you threw yourself at me."

Betty:"I... I have to go. I'm... I'm sorry, Ethan. I can't..." she grabbed her stuff and stormed through the door of Ethan's bedroom.

Matt:"You could at least suck me off. Ah... whatever. We don't need her, right Ethan?"

Matt closed the door and approached the mirror.

Matt:"Look at us, Ethan. We are so hot. The abs, the nipples. The hairless body. The muscles. We can have anyone. We can fuck anyone."

Ethan:"Matt, stop this. I know the power is taking over your mind. But I can help you control this. Just leave my body."

Matt:"Ethan, don't worry. I won't do anything you wouldn't do, man. I'm still your friend." an evil grin appeared on Ethan's face.

Matt:"Have you thought about gay sex, Ethan? You would be really popular in the gay community."

Ethan:"You just said you wouldn't do anything I wouldn't..."

Matt:"That's why I'm asking. I'm just checkinh what my options are right now."

Matt:"Well, we still haven't had proper time to explore our new shared body together, right?"

Ethan:"Matt, you have a great body of your own. Or you could take over someone else. Some jock maybe."

Matt:"But I'm you now. I want to get us to know each other better. Don't you want to be better friends? I mean. I could possess your sister again. That would be more fun."

Ethan:"Ok, fine. You can stay. But be respectful. No exploring in my body. I can see you moving my hand close to my dick every second. And stop looking at my body. It's creepy."

Matt turned around from the mirror. His head tilted to the side. "You're no fun, Ethan. We could already be jerking off your nice dick, instead we're having a fight here."

Ethan:"It's really creepy, man. Like... what if I would do the same to you in your body?"

Matt:"That's sounds hot. Come on, man. You know you're excited to try it out."

Ethan didn't reply, which Matt took as an approval and threw off his briefs. As soon as he did he looked back at his reflection.

Matt:"God daaaaaamn, Ethan. Look at yourself. You're a hot piece of meat. It feels amazing to have your body."

Ethan:"...thanks, I guess"

Matt:"And let's take this little guy for a spin."

Ethan:"Yet I'm bigger than you."

Matt:"Bigger, but not the biggest I saw. Oh wow, you're a grower I didn't expect that, it's really getting bigger and it's so hard, oh my god. You should shaved Ethan. It would make it look even bigger."

Ethan:"Matt, this is too gay for me. I don't think I want to continue."

Matt:"Hold on, I'm just about to start." Matt started stroking Ethan's dick. He went slowly first, but the built up hormones in Ethan's body forced him to go faster. Ethan felt a wave of pleasure hit him too. He didn't jerk off very often, so this was pleasant and even more so that someone else was doing it to him, for him. Someone was really appreciating his body.

Ethan:"Fuuuck. Matt. Go faster."

Matt smiled. He sped up and started humping Ethan's palm to the rhytm. Matt couldn't keep his hands off his new body. He kept returning back to his muscles, but what interested him the most were his new sensitive nipples. He stroked them while jerking off.

Matt:"Ethan. I love... your body so much"

Ethan:"I love having you in me too. I want to cum with you. Make me cum, please!!!"

Matt went closer to the mirror. The furious movements of the hand forced him to moan out loud. He was so close.

The stream was impressive. It reached a height that Matt didn't even expect and landed on the mirror.

Matt smiled, all sweaty:"Wow. You're quite a good shot. I would have gone further away from the mirror if I had known that."

Ethan felt the clarity earlier than Matt. He just let his best friend jerk his body off. This was so strange.

Ethan:"So what's the plan for tommorow? Who do you want to possess first?"

Matt:"We should try Jack and bully all his friends as a revenge. What do you think?"

Ethan:"That sounds great. We sho..." Ethan's voice faded from Matt's mind, but Matt didn't seem concerned. He got close to the mirror and looked deep into his new eyes.

Matt:"Sorry, Ethan. But I want to enjoy your body now in more privacy. I'm sure you understand." he kissed his reflection and started licking the mirror, making his way to the cum pouring slowly on the mirror surface.

Matt:"Ew, Ethan. That's for not eating enough sugar. I'll fix that for you. But now I got something to fix for you."

Matt took out Ethan's phone and called Betty. "Hey, Betty. Do you mind If I'd come over? I want to know if you're ok. You were so different before. So fearless and READY. I was really weirded out, but actually happy to see that. Really? Huh. That's strange. Well I can go to your house and we can talk about it. Ok, see you in a few minutes."

Matt locked the phone and headed to the bathroom, where he knew that Ethan had condoms ready.

He approached the mirror. Looked back at himself and said:"Congratulations, Ethan. You're not gonna be a virgin anymore. I'll give Betty a great time. Don't worry. Not like you should worry at all, you can't hear me and it's not like I'd give you your body back anytime soon. Haha."

[the-gay-prometheus]

Important Update

Thankfully, as of Sunday, her symptoms started to improve, but we still went ahead with the stool sample to make sure that her immune system had finally kicked in and was fighting off the cocci on its own. Results today showed that the sample was now negative, which means we don't have to worry about any medication right now. That said $79.50 (receipt is screenshotted and included) is still a major blow when you've only got $140 to your name and no guarantee of employment and no other assistance.

So. I appreciate everyone who has shared this post and the individual who donated (and thanks to that individual, this is no where near as urgent now)! If anyone the ability to help me cover the rest of the cost I would super appreciate it and it would help a lot, but otherwise I'm not in panic mode at the moment.

Thanks to everyone who was so willing to help!

~~~

Alright I hate to have to do this but I don't really have any other choice right now.

Hi. I'm Jay. Or Victor. Or Viktor. Any of those names work. I'm a disabled neurodivergent transmasc who is currently in unemployment hell because the few jobs I am physically capable of and meet all of the requirements for are also coincidentally all the jobs that either don't want to hire me, or just straight up won't get back to me. I'm sending out applications daily, so far I have gotten three interviews, one of which was for a job that it turns out I would not be physically capable of doing, the second ended up being filled before I could even get to the second interview, and I still haven't heard back from the third. Needless to say, I have absolutely zero income right now.

This is my cat.

Her name is Catra.

Catra recently got extremely ill to the point of needing to be hospitalized, which meant that between me and my family, she has recently cost well over $3000. At this point, my family cannot afford to help me with any more medical costs for her, and I can't afford to continue with extra medical costs for her if I want to still be able to feed her until I do manage to get a job. Thankfully she has made a very strong recovery, for the most part...

However, she is also now battling a nasty coccidia infection that seems to be resistant to the medication the vets had given her. Which means I am once again going to need to send in a $75 stool sample and pay for a different medication. My parents will not help now as they have already gone over budget for her and also believe it is my fault that I haven't been able to find a job, but I literally cannot live without this cat. I will not live without this cat. She is all I have left right now.

So that said. If you have even a little bit to spare, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm asking for $100 $79.50 to cover the stool sample and the medication. Thank you in advance.

Please make sure if you do send anything that you select the 'friends and family' option. If you can't send anything, I would appreciate reblogs and signal boosts. Thank you.

$36.26/79.50

paypal: @binonjay

venmo: @BiNonJay

cashapp: $BiNonJay

[ptn-imagines]

Any thoughts on what a romantic relationship with Countess Chelsea would be like? 🥺 Thank you very much for your hard work, you're doing great 💛

Thank you for your kind words! As a matter of fact, I've thought about this often... You didn't specify, so I just wrote for Chief!Reader!

Romantic relationship between Countess Chelsea and Chief

It’s a relationship that surprises even the Chief themself, though they’re firm on one thing with Chelsea: they’re her partner, not her sugar baby. Please stop asking.

Chelsea does, in fact, stop asking, but not for the reasons you might think. Rather, she has everything she wants already; it’s normal to spoil your partner, isn't it? Why risk upsetting her beloved Chief over it?

This naturally means that Chief has to set boundaries very quickly, firmly stating that if Chelsea can't respect them, their relationship won't continue.

Chelsea pouts about it, but ultimately, her love for Chief wins out and she backs off.

Well, somewhat. She'll still buy the Chief a multitude of fancy and expensive gifts and shower them in gems, at first. Over time, as her relationship with the Chief develops, she'll swap from attaining gifts for Chief with her money to attaining opportunities for Chief with her influence. She's not afraid of using her power to lean on some influential people, and Chief will find themself having more free time than ever before.

Of course, when many of these outing opportunities inevitably turn into Mania incidents, Chelsea is fiercely loyal and protective. Sitri is always at Chief's side. If there are humans, not just Corruptors and Mania entities, involved in the crisis, if anyone tries to hurt the Chief… Chelsea will take care of them.

Chelsea doesn't take pleasure in making people disappear, but they're giving more worth to society as pretty gemstone statues anyway…

This behavior is the source of many disagreements between Chelsea and Chief, and is probably the biggest threat to their relationship. Chief absolutely hates this method of protecting them, but Chelsea is stubborn. Then again, so is Chief – plus they know that to some degree, it's an instinctive reaction triggered by Chelsea's Mania. They want to help Chelsea improve, but they know that it's not going to happen overnight.

In the occasional moments where Chief retires early, they like to visit Chelsea in her cell. The Countess is always incredibly excited and insists on Chief staying the night. When Chief answers that it's not allowed, she pouts and asks to at least cuddle Chief for a bit and help them get ready for bed. This, at least, is something Chief agrees to; it's something that thrills Chelsea too, since Chief doesn't usually let her be super physically affectionate during the day. She'll take these chances to plant soooo many kisses over her beloved Chief.

Mostly, affection during the day is limited to moments where Chelsea feels compelled to “mark her territory.” She's a jealous type, but can mostly restrain her reaction to other Sinners’ flirting to huffs and puffs and pouts… Except for a few Sinners that tend to cross a line for her.

Take Eirene, for example. The Countess despises Quinn's president in particular. Chelsea isn't blind to how Eirene treats her darling Chief as a pawn or property, and she's not afraid to get hissy when confronting the S-Rank, telling her to keep her paws off her Chief! Eirene never listens, though, which leads to common and heated altercations between the two. Chief has to keep them both separated for their own safety, though they're secretly touched at how far Chelsea is willing to go to defend them.

Whenever Chief sends her on a dispatch mission, Chelsea begs for the Chief to come with her. Usually, Chief has to decline, much to the Countess's disappointment, but on the rare occasion the Chief is actually able to accompany her, Chelsea never shows anything less than perfect performance.

Chelsea is also way too comfortable with barging into the Chief's office unannounced. She's hardly the only one, but she's definitely one of the most noticeable – constantly trying to sweep Chief away from their work to spend time with her. It's both distracting and endearing.

Oh, and Chelsea has planned the wedding out down to the last detail, of course. Chief nearly had a heart attack when she announced her plans, and reminded her that they weren't even engaged.

Chelsea tried to propose then and there, and has done so several times after as well, in exceedingly romantic gestures. Chief has said no each time, much to the Countess's profound disappointment, but… Honestly, if not for their job? They would've said yes already.

Sometimes, Chief wonders if they're doing Chelsea a disservice by being with her when their job demands so much of their time… But Chelsea always shushes them, saying that as long as she can have them, nothing else matters…

…Though if Chief wanted to quit, she wouldn't object to providing for them. This usually gets a fond eye roll and a gentle slap on the wrist from Chief.

[mangatxt]

any advice on how to improve writing style/get ideas for fics and dialogue? i’m forever in love with the way you write. it flows well, and the dialogue is super authentic and funny. i’m trying to get back into writing after a couple years of being crushed by the american secondary education system, so any tips would be much appreciated.

keep it up with the good work! i look forward to continue reading :))

Holy moly, this is a super kind ask. I'm so happy to know that you enjoy my work. Thank you for sending this!

As for the meat of this ask -- I'll do my best! I'll offer some reflections and then link some resources I've personally found helpful! I apologize for the length of this answer. This ask gave me a lot to think about, and brevity is my weakness as a writer.

I answer this with a few caveats:

I'm not an expert. I'm just loud.

I teach writing for a living, but I don't teach creative writing specifically. I do, by nature of my job, have more time for reading and writing than I did as a full-time student or corporate employee. That alone makes a huge difference. Everyone goes at their own pace, and it's hard to be creative without time, especially when you're starting out or getting back into writing after a break.

I write humor, so I'll discuss that primarily. While writing has rules that generally yield better results, comedy works often because it violates those established rules. Like many writing teachers, I have fully internalized the touted "canon" of Strunk & White's Elements of Style and George Orwell's Remedy of Six Rules. But sometimes, adverbs are funny. So I'll write an adverb, say "fuck you George Orwell," and, scandalously, call it a day.

If you want to deconstruct and consequently ruin comedy forever, start with Theories of Humor and then, to extend your suffering, hit the footnotes.

Humor writing is culturally dependent. You won't make everyone laugh. You'll flop. You'll embarrass yourself. You have to be willing to risk being unfunny. So it goes.

You can always publish anonymously on AO3 if it helps you start. Or for any reason. You can change your mind and claim it back to your account. Or you can abandon it entirely. I've done it plenty. Sometimes, it's what you need to do to draw up the nerve to put yourself out there, and that's completely fine.

Reflections

My first personal rule is that I write stories for myself, fic or original. If someone else likes it, that's a bonus. I write what I want to read. That factors into my overall writing style too. I write how I'd want someone else to write it for me. Even if someone's written it before, which is often the case with fic writing and popular tropes, I might want to hear it in another way. See: The Two Cakes Principle.

My second personal rule is that I write something every day. Even if it's a little bit. Even if it's all trash. Anything's better than nothing. Write without editing. Write without your spell checker on, even. (As they say "write drunk, edit sober" -- I don't drink much, so for me that means "write at 3AM, edit at not 3AM"). The more you play around with words and practice your voice, the easier it will get. Part of this is honing the muscle or whatever, but part of this is also gaining familiarity with structure that will make writing forever easier. How do journalists crank out stories everyday? There's a structure to newspaper and magazine articles that makes it easier to plug in the words and go. You'll find your own in creative writing too. Plus, the more you write, the easier it is to let go of things (aka kill your darlings). (Killed darlings go in your bits folder.)

My third personal rule is that I write every idea down, no matter how vague or ridiculous, because I might be able to use it later. I never want to lose things. I use my phone notes for this. They're full of silly ideas -- funny things I overhead at the library, out-of-context conversations I imagine Reigen and Dimple having, Wikipedia articles that I liked, funny plot concepts, etc. The other day, I wrote down, "The gang carbon-dates Dimple." I dunno where I'm going with that, but I like the idea. I write a lot of my plot ideas in IASIP title card style. It's more fun that way. Always prioritize having fun.

One last personal rule is that the mechanical act of writing has a purpose. You're rarely writing for the purpose of writing well, right? Most of the time, in class or at work, I'm writing for the purpose of being understood by my audience, and therefore, I do whatever I must to make my message better understood, even at the expense of "good writing." Here's a silly example: I've learned the hard way that some of my co-workers can't fucking read. So instead of paragraphs, I write emails in bullet points with bold and underlined text. At the expense of prose, the message is more likely received, and that's the goal.

This example might be on the nose, but it applies in some way to everything I write. When I write fic, I have to have a purpose. Maybe I'm trying to make myself laugh. Maybe I'm trying to explore some theme or feeling. Maybe I'm trying to correct canon. Maybe I'm trying to speculate how the conman will handle a Situation. Whatever that end is, I find the writing comes easier when I focus on the end more than the process of writing. It helps me stay focused, when I remember that writing's just the tool. I hope that makes sense.

Developing a writing style or a narrative voice depends on the writer. I'm an amalgamation of what I've read and watched and enjoyed, combined with formal writing education and my own personal narration. I hate to be the person who says "read a lot to write more!" I hate it so so so much, but...it's true. (That said, it doesn't have to be the classics. I get inspiration from there, sure, but I also get inspiration from sitcoms and crossword clues and the inane HOA emails my landlord forwards to me. "Honored neighbors, we are ecstatic to announce fire alarm testing next week..." Like, I'm sorry? That's a work of art I've filed away for later.)

For fics, some of the way I write is homage to the original creator. I consider this a plus, not a requirement. ONE writes satire. He's foremost a humorist. Most of his works are genre deconstructions. Like most shonen mangaka, he writes shorter narrative arcs that sum to (or in his case, reflect across) the overall narrative arc of the work. He's also pretty cringe/over-the-top with wordplay and cultural references (pop and traditional). When I try to reflect elements of his style in my own work, I find his characters easier to work with. For me, it's hard to write something fully comedic or fully serious with MP100 characters. The alternation between comedy and tragedy in MP100 works because it plays on emotional investment in the characters and subversion of expectations.

That said, I'm going to have to add something controversial: as a fic writer, how much you adhere to the original work doesn't fucking matter. (See my first rule -- write what you want to read.) Fic writing is meant to be transformative. The amount that you should care about canon depends on what you're trying to accomplish. My advice is to play fast and loose as much as you want. Unfollow and block the "he wouldn't fucking say that" people if it helps you write. I do, because they're annoying. Characterization is a product of audience internalization. Further, every work is for someone. Most importantly, you're doing this for fun, not pay or obligation. Sure, maybe ONE wouldn't write Reigen saying a particular line, but ONE also writes homophobic stereotypes into his works. No matter what you do, by definition of writing a fan work, you're gonna stray from canon. It's not holy word. Don't waste your finite man hours stressed about it.

Moving on to discussion of "get ideas" -- I mentioned I write every idea down. I try to stick with ideas I know fairly well off the bat, because it's easiest to write what you know. In absence of that, I find more inspiration in the research into an idea. Much of the action in TPC was heavily inspired by George Santos's many misdeeds, which I read in the news or on Wikipedia.

If I can distill the idea into a premise, it informs my narrative voice in a given work. Write what you know applies to premise as much as character perspective. You're always going to have an easier time writing a character you relate to or you encounter in real life and know quite well. You might consider this to get started. Personally, I find Reigen and Mezato easiest to write, because I relate to them the most. I find Serizawa and Shigeo more difficult to write, because I have more trouble relating to their life experiences. On the other hand, I find Roshuuto easy to write, because his brand of villainy is more familiar to me.

There's this notion of plotting vs pantsing. A plotter outlines every facet of their work before doing any writing. A pantser makes it up as they go (read: "by the seat of their pants"). Figuring out which one you are will enable you to write more comfortably.

Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. For MP100, I always know where a work will end when I start. In TPC, the second scene I ever wrote was the epilogue. For me, the middle is what's more up in the air. In my experience, it's very difficult to be a total pantser and write comedic multi-chapter works, unless you write the whole thing before you post. It's not impossible, but in my opinion, humor relies on callbacks and repetition so much that you risk writing yourself into a wall if you're not careful. In general, I don't start formally "fic writing" without an overarching premise, but the premise might be as simple as: "Against everyone's better judgment, Reigen runs for union president. It blows up in his face."

This was my original outline for TPC before I even wrote chapter one:

I had the overarching narrative and the rough timeline for the mini-arcs in mind when I started. A lot of it ended up changing or shifting. I had a few themes I wanted to cover and comedic elements I wanted to set up. But when it came down to more specific mini-arc narrative details, I either plotted later or got away with pantsing it entirely.

Sometimes as I write chapters, I get stuck on individual scenes. Maybe I'm struggling to write scenery, or I haven't figured out a character interaction, or the dialogue isn't flowing the way I'd like. To deal with that, I have trained myself to write out of narrative order as needed. I write the scenes I'm most excited about first, and then I come back and fill in the rest of the connective tissue. This is easier in Scrivener, which is what I use to write, but you can set up any word processor to do this. Even within scenes, I sometimes skip parts that I need to think about for longer. Sometimes, I don't even finish sentences.

I'll write something like:

"Apparently you're quite popular on a particular Mobbit sub," he tells Reigen. Reigen's not sure he wants to know which one. "It was r/<SOMETHING FUNNY>. Did you know they hit a million subscribers this week? I think you helped."

And then in the middle of the night or in the shower or at the grocery store or whenever I think of "<SOMETHING FUNNY>", I fill it in later. When I edit, I make sure I clear out any remaining "<>." I do what I can, and then Future Ani does the rest. *handshake emoji*

For comedy writing, there are rules I follow that I'll link later on. While I've been inspired by a lot of other humor novelists or essayists, I also take a lot of inspiration from TV and standup.

I took a screenwriting class in college -- and while I didn't get the knack of screenwriting (B-, unlucky), I did learn a lot about plot progression, dramatic irony, show-not-tell, rule of threes, and scene setting. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I found it helpful. You can see some of that inspiration manifest, for example, in that many of my fics have cold opens. I've always liked that comedic structure for drawing in the reader while establishing an overarching theme for the chapter. I do a lot of scene-switching and flashbacks as well. Scene-setting in comedy often involves juxtaposition -- e.g. "what if we put the weirdest loner from 7th division in a highly-collaborative corporate setting?". You're subverting expectations, and this is where you break the rules. Sometimes, comedy is about using the funniest word or word combination possible to describe something.

On that note, take some tips from poetry too. Alliteration, repetition, synecdoche, a lot of poetic devices work well here, because, like poetry, comedy writing depends on build-up and timing. Rules are best broken when it's rare and unexpected. It's way funnier and impactful when a character who never swears drops an f-bomb when they've finally had enough. Here's another example: in general, you should avoid epithets in fic writing, but it's all about being judicious with your timing. I can call Reigen "the union's esteemed president" instead of his name in a scene in Executive Privilege, because I juxtapose it with him doing something less-than-esteemed.

Perhaps less obviously, the TV influence manifests in the way I write dialogue too -- shorter and generally interleaved between the characters. While I read everything I write out loud during editing to check flow, I especially focus on tightening up dialogue. I don't always get it right, but I try to make sure that every word in a piece of dialogue has to have a purpose: either characterization or timing, in that order. Serizawa uses a lot of "I think" or "In my opinion." Reigen...does not do that. And Dimple is a master of the last word in the form of a pithy quip. If I plan my scenes to use that characterization to support the comedic timing I'm shooting for, it works all the better. (e.g. -- let Reigen babble on like an expert about something he doesn't actually know anything about, let Serizawa think on it for a while and come to a conclusion that puts Reigen on the spot, let Reigen backtrack, and then let Dimple add his jab at the end. And scene.)

Aaand that's a lot of reflection. Probably too much reflection. These are some considerations that have helped me over time, so I hope others might find it helpful too. Getting started is tough, and it's often terrifying to put your work out there (and somehow, even more terrifying to put a GDoc in front of a beta reader, I haven't a clue why but it's true for me!). But once you start, I promise it gets easier! You'll build yourself a foundation and continue to pick up things you like, discard things you don't like, and grow from there.

Thanks again for sending this ask. It means a lot to me. Happy to continue the conversation and field other people's thoughts on any of this! Like I said, this is a reflection on my process, but everyone develops their own unique approach to writing over time. Mine changes over time too. Above all, I hope you can heal from the crush of the education system, find enjoyment in writing again, and discover the style and process that works for you <3

Resources (AKA things I personally have bookmarked):

general writing (in addition to Strunk&White, Orwell, and others mentioned earlier):

how to get out of a writing slump (this fixed me once)

masterlist of general writing resources

another big ass masterlist

resources for describing places

masterlist of facial expressions

how to write an inciting incident

i found this recently: cultural differences writing work set in japan

i also follow writing prompt blogs, nanowrimo, character and relationship week blogs, etc. prompts can be a great way to start and build community with other writers!

comedic writing:

basic tips on writing humor

comedic devices

comedic genre

i can't find the link for this BUT: humor and comedy is not inherently less complex or wise or valuable than non-comedic work. writing is writing and fics are fics, whether they make the reader laugh, cry, or both.

[puzzledmemories]

((hi. um. i disappeared for a couple weeks. i did not mean to disappear for a couple weeks.))

((i'm very sorry. the fatigue just was not letting up on me after i was sick. i've barely done anything outside of work, haven't touched my computer a whole ton, i've been helping train people at work, i've spent most of the time i disappeared resting, i was also super depressed for a good chunk of it, and really stressful things were happening at work and kinda still are which drains me. and now i feel super anxious coming back because i'm worried people are gonna be mad i disappeared, which i feel bad about. i've been trying to get myself to post back on here that i'm back and start being active again for about 24 hours.))

((the fog in my brain finally cleared up most of the way for me on Monday (the 23rd). I also had a lot to do on Monday, a lot of taking care of my physical health things. and i had a lot to do after work today, too. Which Has Improved My Mood and Given Me More Energy, but also wore me out. i feel like i finally have thoughts in my head again and can think and am capable of writing! but also it's 2 AM so i'm going to try to be back on tomorrow because i need to sleep soon.))

((i've seen that i have a lot in my inbox, and i know i had that magic anon with shark going... i'll continue threads with that if people are interested in it, and i'll "finish it out" the way i originally planned to. and if people wanna start new threads with that magic anon in the next few days i'm also good with that. i have other magic anons in my inbox but i'm not sure if i should be touching those right away or not. that's just my anxiety yelling at me.))

((i'll reply to threads i had ongoing too, but if anyone wants to drop any of them bc it's been a minute, that's totally fine, no one should be blamed for that and i won't be upset over it or anything. rp's all about fun and we should do the things that are fun and if something doesn't feel fun anymore then it's all good to move on to something else. i really really need to respond to dms too, because i've barely touched those, either. idk if i'll be able to poke on at work at all tomorrow but i really really want to respond to people.))

((my brain just kind of shut off and communication was really painful in the sense that being on my computer was. hard and bothering me. it's not so bad now.))

((i'm gonna commit to start being on here again tomorrow though, and really try hard to hold myself to it, i've missed everyone on here so much and i've thought about you all lots. sorry for long post, i felt it was warranted after kinda disappearing, though...i'm sorry about that, i just really wasn't well for a bit))

[fellowshipofthenoodles]

Let's talk a bit about leopard gecko enclosures!

The absolute minimum size for any adult leopard gecko is 36x18x18 inches (3x1.5x1.5 feet). You can typically put juveniles immediately into an enclosure this size - as long as there is enough decor and hides for them to feel secure then they'll be fine

Where possible, bigger enclosures are great! Leopard geckos absolutely love having extra space to explore, and even height too. Leopard geckos are thought as terrestrial animals, and while that is true they do love to climb and giving a leopard gecko background of any kind is an excellent way to encourage exercise as well as give them extra hiding spots if you do a custom built background

Outdated information says that leopard geckos can be housed permanently in a 24 inch (2 foot) enclosure but this isn't true!

As well as the space to exercise, a bigger enclosure allows for a better heat gradient which is very important for them to thermo regulate their body temperature. They need a warm basking spot (which can be improved with something like slate to absorb heat that they can bask on or lay on at night) but their cool end doesn't need the same heat and it can be dangerous for them to not be able to escape the heat of their basking area

Wooden vivariums are typically best for leopard geckos since they hold heat very well, but since these aren't really available in some countries something like a glass Exo Terra would be alright as long as you make sure to check on their temperatures. PVC could potentially work but they do hold humidity very well which could be a problem for your leopard gecko(s) since their humidity shouldn't be over 60% for long (35-60% is the safe zone). Enclosures should be front opening, not something top opening like a repurposed fish tank. Wooden viv con is that typically the substrate can't be that deep, so a substrate guard of some kind may help there, a glass enclosure is better suited for deeper substrate. Leopard geckos should have a few inches of substrate in order to display their natural behaviours since they do burrow in the wild.

This isn't a super thorough post, but I hope it's helpful for some people! Feel free to add on to it, ask questions (on the post or in an ask) or whatever else.

If anyone wants to argue against any of what I'm saying then please provide sources that are recent science to back it up otherwise I won't consider responding in any way.

[crystalelemental]

Kitties update. Interactions and Coco's Braveries.

Let's start with individual celebrations. Gia is no longer running from us as immediately, and is willingly receiving pets with her meals. She's still less affectionate than Coco, but she's never mean, just not as engaged. She's our independent daughter.

Coco, meanwhile, is getting so close to a Category 5 Lap Event.

We brought out a step for Bond, because he's old and can't make it to the couch. Coco has decided this is her perch, although if my wife isn't on the couch, Coco will sometimes come up to the far side of it with me. Please note: Coco on her perch would not look at me, because cat mother was playing video games and she has front row seats.

When I'm not on the couch, she will steal my spot. Every time. We're getting to the point I can pet her on the couch, but only if I'm standing. If I get to close while sitting she doesn't seem to love that, but we are getting better about it. Moreover, I was able to give her a Coco Kissie today. It was on her back when she wasn't looking at me, because she gets scared if my face gets too close. She startled at first and made to run, but then realized she wasn't being eaten and came back. She seems to be a bit calmer about me getting close now, and is getting very direct about seeking attention. She tried to jump the baby gate one day, and is getting close to the bedroom when I wake up. I was also able to coax her out from under the guest bed, which is absolutely huge. We'll get her to that vet appointment yet.

Now, we're still acclimating Bond and the gremlins. It's very slow going and I don't think it's quite perfect, but it's improving.

While we're home, we leave the baby gate down and monitor them. This is, in part, because Bond had to have some teeth extracted. He's old, they knew he had a cracked tooth, but apparently it got infected. They told us that during surgery, two of his teeth just fell out on their own once the first was taken. So apparently, some of his harder to read behaviors may have been because his entire face hurt. Hard to say how long he was like that, but we seem to have caught it before infection could spread all that far. Crisis averted.

Anyway, while hopped up on painkillers, he was as zonked as you would imagine, which meant he wouldn't be aggressive toward them because he barely registers that they're there. This went okay. He'd wander around, completely oblivious, and Coco would kinda stay away and hiss a bit. She does not like him very much, but she's at least not hostile. She'll run if he gets too close. And being younger, she and Gia can jump around to the window alcove, where he can't reach. Which is good.

The problem right now is that it seems Bond is food aggressive. I assume this is because he isn't getting as much food as he was before, in part because he is super chunk and needs to lose a bit of weight, but also in part because he seems to think all people food is his food and I don't play that game. So if he sees the other two eating anything, he will growl at minimum, and charged Gia about it, so Gia's actually scared of him. He did get scolded though, and I like to think the other two recognized we're keeping them safe too.

The only reason this creates a problem is that right now, Bond is coming out of his stupor and is hungry, but he can't eat easily. So he sees their food and wants to go for it, but that's not his. We'll set out the same food for him in a separate bowl in a separate spot, but he won't eat his, he goes after theirs. It's difficult to get him to differentiate. Also difficult to get him not to be a bastard. The girls eat intermittently for a few hours after being fed, and we want them to have that, but if we let him out in the living room to sit with us, he'll get aggressive about seeing them eat. We could feed them in a separate spot, but the house is small and I can't think of a great space for it. Also I feel like eventually we need to figure out a way for them to get along, even with food present, so I'm not sure how to introduce all that.

Still, the fact they're tolerating each other from a distance is a good start. We're using the guest room to mingle scent, giving Bond access some days and the girls access other days, as a sort of "common area." I'm thinking this might be where we feed them when we go into work, so it's an associated location that alternates. We did have a toy exchange. Coco liked Bond's plush banana, and he liked a little jingle toy. Neither was the other's favorite, but it is coated in their scent, so again, we're hoping the exchange works.

Slow but steady progress. We're not quite at unsupervised mingling, and Coco does not yet trust me enough to be placed in my lap, but we're close.

[himemiya-kun]

Secret Swan (Chapter 5)

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Chapter 5: The Truest Self

Summer

Characters:

• Tori Himemiya

• Tsukasa Suou

• Eichi Tenshouin

Tori: (I got help from Producer without asking for help… At this rate, I’ll never be able to find a way to improve...)

I remember during the filming of “Fist of the Shangri-la Idol”, Eichi-sama seemed to use special methods to stimulate our acting skills.

If only I could think of a method like Eichi-sama… but that's Eichi-sama.

Sigh…

Ah!? Ow, ow, ow… Who is it! Is it hard to see where you’re going?!

Tsukasa: Oh, you were the one who bumped into me while walking without looking, didn’t you, Tori-kun? So why is the villain filing a complaint first?

Tori: Ugh, it’s Tsukasa…

I really don't want to talk to you right now, so you should leave quickly. This is the secretary you're talking to. Now leave me alone.

Tsukasa: Oh? You’re usually so arrogant, but now you’re willing to lose without a fight in an argument with me?

I’m really curious to know what made you look so troubled, maybe you were preached by Fushimi-senpai again?

Tori: What do you mean ‘again’! Yuzuru praises me more often than scolds me recently, you are the one who is often lectured by Sena-senpai, right?

Hmph, next time when Sena-senpai comes, I will tell him that you secretly eat snacks every day after class!

Tsukasa: Hold on…! Did I start spreading rumours if I couldn’t say it, you liar! I’m just curious about what kind of trouble people like you have, but it seems that I shouldn’t have given you any extra care in the first place!

Tori: Huh~? An idiot full of evil thoughts like Tsukasa will not understand the troubles of a cute and simple person like me.

Tsukasa: You are Tori who obviously doesn’t know what respect is?! I don’t want to have the same knowledge as an insolent boy like you!

Tori: I'm too lazy to talk nonsense with an uneducated guy like Tsukasa!

Tsukasa: Ahhh…! For a person like Tori, there are so many fans who believe that you are really a pure angel, they praise you for being cute, I really want them to see you like this!

Tori: Hmm? What are you talking about, am I not cute now?

Ah…!

(The plot of the short film roughly expresses that even if the world doesn’t understand you, you must dare to show your true self, show the side you want people to see, and pursue what you want…)

(In the eyes of Yuuki-senpai and the others last year, as well as in the eyes of Tsukasa, even I have been the villain quite a few times.)

Tsukasa: Cute? You are the embodiment of evil sometimes! A demon!

Tori: Heh heh heh, so what if I’m the incarnation of evil? The original me is the cutest me ♪

That's great, it's another step ahead of you. It won’t be long before I can leave you far behind. When the time comes, you will kneel down and cry and beg me to forgive you. Maybe I will agree ♪

Tsukasa: What the… What’s the matter? Why do you suddenly look completely different from just now? You also said a lot of inexplicable things, which is really unpleasant!

Tori: Alas, you won't understand even if I explain it to you, idiot.

Tori: …Still, I want to thank you.

Tsukasa: You, what are you saying? Thank you? Are you saying thank you to me? Did I hear you right?

Tori: That's right ♪ Although I’m just a mere secretary, you made Tori-sama feel super excited~ Well, of course the cutest Tori-sama in the world will choose to forgive you for the time being ♪

Tori: Producer~ Here I come ♪

Eichi: Haha, we have been waiting for you for quite some time.

Tori: Eh, Eichi-sama is here too?!

Eichi: Producer told me before that she was a little worried about your situation, but judging by your appearance today, she was worrying a bit too much.

Tori: Producer is always worrying~ but this time, I really want to thank her ♪

Eichi: Mm. Producer really did a lot for us. There's one more thing she hasn't had time to finish, and while I'm waiting for her to complete it, let me tell you something first.

I feel that, now, there should be no bad influence for you.

In fact, I got news from Yuuki earlier. I don’t know why, but people from COS PRO are more inclined to participate in the audition of the “W series”.

So the “B series” has basically already been negotiated with our STAR PRO.

Tori: Eh, in other words, the audition pressure will be very light, is it just a formality?

Eichi: That’s right. In the end, even if you still can't solve the difficulties you encounter, I will ask Yuzuru and Tsumugi to help you, so that you can play this role perfectly.

But we have all seen Tori working hard. If I told you this in advance, it might make you feel that we didn't expect you from the beginning.

Because you said that you don't want me to treat you as a child again, and this time, after all, it is a job commission you personally received, I want to give you as much respect as possible.

So, in the end, you made a really amazing result that exceeded our expectations, Tori.

Tori: Hehe, I feel like I've been praised so many times by Eichi-sama recently that it feels like a dream.

Eichi: Oh, it seems that the work on Producer’s side has been completed, so go over there and have a look.

Tori: Huh? The outfit Producer handed me looks very similar to the upcoming B-Series...

Hey, this is specially tailored by Producer for me?! Because you think that if I really wear this suit, maybe I can break through the original...

Woohoo~ How can you treat me so well! Although you always avoid close physical contact with us after arriving in ES, can you let me hug you now?

No, I'll hug you even if you don't agree! Thank you, Producer ♪

Yesterday, I finally found some understanding of this role, and just now, after seeing this costume, I immediately imagined what it would look like to wear it... It proved that my idea wasn’t wrong!

I have always acted as cute as an angel in front of my fans, but in the eyes of different people, I still have some bad intentions and self-willingness, right?

So I thought, I’ll show my truest and most natural self, and show my lovely self to the fans!

This costume needs not only my cuteness, but also my confidence—

When I wear it, I'll tell the world how awesome this costume is!

And I, Himemiya Tori——is the perfect spokesperson for it.

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[chattercap]

Future Plans for Actala

Sorry for the kind of sporadic updates, I do need to be better about posting here! I post devlogs on my itch page monthly, and I've decided to crosspost the latest one here since it has some important info about Actala's future development! A copy of my latest itch devlog is under the cut!

Hello, happy June!

It's been another month (time really does fly)! 

No Actala updates this time, as I ended up increasing the scope a bit on my Otome Jam project so I had to divert my attention to that (please look forward to some EXCELLENT voice acting)! Karamu will release sometime in the next couple of weeks!

But although I don't have any updates for Actala, I do have a bit of an announcement. As you might know if you played through the demo, I originally planned to illustrate the story 100% with CGs and mini-CGs. This was...unrealistic (as basically anyone with half a brain could have told you, I imagine). 

This was something that became EXTREMELY apparent as I worked on Karamu. I thought I scoped very realistically (a simple scene with 2 characters and only 10k words), and I hoped to finish the game within a month. However, while I finished the script in a week, I've spent almost 2 months on the illustrations. (If I extrapolate that out for Actala, where the current script is 250,000 words...I won't finish the thing for another 4-5 years...)

Part of that is that I've been experimenting with more complex/highly rendered CGs, and taking more care with the color and compositions (you can see a sample below). For Actala, I adopted a more simple coloring style because of the high volume of illustrations, but I was never really happy with them. Rather than putting out a ton of illustrations that I'm not happy with, I'd prefer to put out a smaller number that I'm more satisfied with.

If I'm being honest, I didn't adopt the "CG only" strategy for any deep reason in particular. It was mainly a snap decision based on insecurities with my own art, as I felt like my art couldn't really stand on par with other VNs (so I decided to create value with quantity over quality). However, ultimately I think it's detrimental to the project. The amount of work required for the art just dwarfs everything else, to the point where I put off the other tasks to make a SMALL dent in the art (for instance, I really want to improve the GUI, which looks a bit clunky and not super elegant...) 

So from now on, I will most likely adopt the sprite format for Actala, instead of utilizing exclusively CGs. Those sprites may or may not be animated; I'll try it out and see how I feel about them. You can still expect a lot of CGs from me, but not exclusive! Interestingly, I actually planned to do sprites in the early stages of development, and I finished almost all of them. These are over a year old at this point, so they will be completely redone, though! 

I hope that this isn't disappointing to anyone (it probably isn't; I'm just stubborn as an ox when it comes to my impulse decisions...) But from a projection perspective, it's just 100% impossible to get Actala out on any reasonable timeline with the approach that I was taking. This way, I'll be able to get the game out a bit faster (with nicer illustrations, just fewer of them)! And it will give me a little more time to polish other aspects of the game, and perhaps work on a few more side projects ;)

For the rest of this month, I'll be finishing out Karamu. Then at the start of July, I'll take a bit of a game dev break before tackling the sprites! Expect to see some sketches in the next devlog~

If you read this far, thank you! See you next month :)

Chattercap

[foggyparadisecandy]

I've come to understand there are two fundamental relationship desires for people:

Authentic Connection

Independence and Autonomy

And in healthy people, those things are kept in a good balance.

I'm not a healthy person lol.

I'm an anxious person and I double-down on Connection and struggle with Independence.

It's funny because, in general, I have my shit together. I have a very successful life by most measures. I think most people would be super jealous of my life tbh.

But I have dysfunctions handed down to me by my parents. It's a hell of a thing but my big core fears are:

Fear of abandonment

Fear of rejection

Those are pretty closely aligned by slightly different.

[BTW - Anxious Attachments have a few other fears including:

Fear of being unsafe without a relationship (btw - this triggers actual survival threats when Anxious people feel a relationship is severing - happened to me!), Fear of not being good enough, Fear of being excluded, Fear of being seen as bad (which for me, ties closely into fear of rejection and creates People Pleasing tendencies in me).]

Fear of abandonment is the overwhelming concern that a loved one or friend will just ... up and leave me. It's a shutting down of future possibilities. It's a closure to whatever form of connection and love I was receiving.

It's why ghosting and blocking hurt me so awfully. I mean ... yeah ... no one likes to be ghosted or blocked. But for me? It hits that core wound of "I'm no longer able to get love from this other person. Who will validate my existence now?"

Fear of rejection is the overwhelming concern that a loved one or friend will not agree with me or that I will make them unhappy. Then, they will figure out that I'm not worthy of them. It's the idea of "I'm not worthy of them unless I please them and make them happy - and forget my own opinions because I don't want them to reject me."

This fear triggers the "I am bad" negative self-talk track that further deepens the other fears. It's a shit cycle to get into, let me tell you.

Look - both of those things are fucked up. But if you struggle with these things, there is hope.

A fundamental path to healing stems from improving self-esteem. Being ok with yourself. Being ok with being your own biggest supporter. Being kind to yourself.

Dial back on the Authentic Connections a bit and pump up the Independence and Autonomy a bunch (depending on HOW anxious you are this might be a whole lot of work).

Feel good with feeling good doing things for yourself, by yourself.

These are things I'm working on. I have good days. I have backwards days.

But general progress is forward.

I'm kind of fortunate - I'm only somewhat Anxious - I already lean heavily to being a Secure person. So I see that I have work but a lot of the core pieces are already in place.

My separation triggered both rejection and abandonment (several times over lol) so that made me lean heavily Anxious for the last few months. But I'm getting back to stability pretty fast.

I feel that deeply as a truth. It's not words I'm saying to convince myself.

I still care deeply about establishing Authentic Connections ... that won't go away. But I'm also feeling pretty damn good with Independence and Autonomy again.

Will the two fundamental relationship desires ever be in pure balance for me?

Will I ever heal those two core fears?

Maybe not completely. But now that I understand myself better, I have a better chance of course-correcting and avoiding getting completely out of balance.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. Still no house updates. But honestly that was fine. I was able to have a really nice day. Even if in the afternoon I didn't feel so good. I am doing a little better now. Still feel a little unwell but it is okay. It's almost bed time, sleep will make it better.

I slept alright last night but I kind of felt like I was drowning a few times. Just have a bit of congestion that seems to get worse when I'm sleeping. So I had weird dreams and then woke up a bit unhappy. But we had plans. So I could mope in bed for to long.

When I got up I didn't like my original outfit and asked James to get my soft green jumpsuit out of storage to wear. This was the correct move and I felt a lot more comfortable. All I want was to be cozy today.

James made me a sandwich for breakfast and sat with me on the couch reading their book. It took me a bit to feel alright but I felt like I looked super cute. My hair was being really good. My face was really good. I was feeling very positive about myself.

Me and James would head out into the world. I was being pretend complaint, accusing James of making me both leave the house and wear a jacket against my will. I was having some trouble with temperature today. I was almost never a good temperature. It was a little frustrating. But I was in a good mood and excited to go to the art museum for the BMI professional development.

James parked us a little down the street but that was fine. We walked up to the museum and we weren't sure we were in the right place because the door was opaque. But James texted Jessica and everyone was inside.

I was so happy to see everyone. I wish I got more time to say more then just hello but it was so lovely talking to those I did get to.

I talked to Rosia and Meghan for a bit. I also talked to Becca did a bit. Who told me about her recent car accident. I swear I have never met someone who gets in as many accidents as her. And it's always someone hitting her! Crazy. I'm glad she's not hurt.

The program we got to do today was about how to lead participants through conversation about visual things. It's an art museum so they are great at that. We started with an improv where we had to plan a vacation but for the first round we had to shoot down everything, then the second time we say 'yes but' and then the last time we do 'yes and'. James was my partner and I really enjoyed playing a game with them. We planned a pretend vacation to Texas, then we tried to plan a trip to New Jersey to find the jersey devil for Jess to date. It was very silly.

Next we moved to one of the galleries and talked about 4 pieces about city life. And it was a super fun conversation. I loved hearing everyone's interpretations. And it was the closest to being in art school I've felt in a decade. I really just had a lovely time.

Then after our long conversation we got to do a little art project where we used paper scraps to make a city. And because I'm extra I folded my paper to make it a sculpture. The person running it made me feel so smart for doing it so differently. But everyone's was so different!! Some people made houses and some just used black strips and it was so cool to see what everyone was thinking.

I also got to meet a bunch of the new staff. I'm a little sad I'm not there much and I won't get to know them as well. But they were all super sweet from what I gathered. I hope they become the best educators. And don't leave after two months.

The final thing we did was discus the light installation "Moon dust". Me and Jessica laid on the ground to talk about it. It was just really nice to spend so much time with art. No rushing. Just like 15-30 minutes really getting into it. It was great.

We would finish up and me and James headed back home. But we weren't there for long

We would walk through the park for a minute before we drove back home. Just for James to work on their bread and soni could give Sweetp a hug. And then we were off to lunch.

We drove over to brass tap. I decided I didn't have the energy to walk there and back. I appreciated James babying me a little.

And lunch was nice. Brass tap is always to loud but the food was good and I enjoyed James's company. We talked and made plans and discussed groceries and plans for the week. It was nice. But I was a little tired.

After lunch we drove home. I would lay down for an hour while James went for a bike ride.

The rest was good but I wish it was longer. When I woke up I felt very upset and groggy. I cleaned myself up best I could. Moisturized my face. And then it was time to go to my doctor's appointment.

This appointment went. Fine. James went grocery shopping while I went in myself. I brought my new knitting project.

I was there for so long though. I finished 3 squares! Everyone was great though. Just really nice. The doctor is sending me for an x-ray. She's not worried about my blood work so that's good. She wants me to consider PT. So that's annoying but my neck hurting needs improvement.

The real issue was that my regular injectonist was not there. And the two nurses who didn't were lovely but did not actually know how to do it and I'm going to be so bruised in the end. They had the needles in my legs for forever. And the one kept wiggling the needle. So that was a little tough but they were both so nice to me so I'm not mad at them. It was just a lot with the needles being in my legs for so long. And the office was really hot. And I was struggling emotionally being so tired. I was just glad I was going home soon.

When I was done I went it find James, who had confusingly moved the car and I couldn't find them for a minute and got upset. But I found them and it was okay.

I was happy to go home. When we got back here James and me carried the groceries in. They put things away while I worked on knitting for a while. Eventually James cleaned the kitty litter and I would move to the studio to work on cleaning my desk. James would finally get their bread in the oven.

I spent a long time in my studio cleaning and also stuffing some bears and getting their faces on. It was nice feeling like I was accomplishing stuff.

James would bring me some of their finished bread and it didn't come out exactly right. Like the texture was great. But the flavor was bizarre. James apparently struggled with the salt mixing through. So as a first go it was. Fine. Could be better. Can be improved. But I'm excited for James to keep getting better.

Now though I am hanging out in bed. Watching an 8 hour 47 minutes YouTube video. Which I'm 3 hours into. I love not having to find a new video and can just. Have something to listen to. It's why I like long podcasts. Just don't make me have to keep coming back to the screen to search for a new thing! What I really miss is television. But also not really. But I hope you know what I mean.

Back to work tomorrow. No groups but me and Sarah are supposed to paint. And I have some stuff to do in the art building. I also want to start trying to collect black walnuts for dye making. We'll see what I can find. I hope I feel better.

Sleep well my friends. Goodnight!

[natasha-in-space]

In a Pokémon AU, what do you think the RFA + Minor Trio's roles be? Like gym leader, professor, trainer, contest star, etc?

Oh boy, Pokemon au's are always a ton of fun to play around with! I am a bit rusty, but I did my best with my personal picks for their possible trainer classes. Some of them are pretty random and even weird, but hey, I had fun writing out my thoughts regardless :D

Yoosung

Ace trainer. Honestly? I see Yoosung as being a very competent fighter that you should not underestimate under any circumstances. Ace trainers mostly consist of teens or young adults in games, as far as I can remember, so they do fit his demographic quite well! Yoosung is someone who has a deep drive to better himself, which is why I can easily imagine him travelling around the world and taking regular part in Pokemon League competitions. His team is very well balanced and pretty hard to beat, as he does take pride in his fighting skills!

Zen

Gym leader. There's just something about Zen being in charge of testing beginner trainers and making sure that they're strong enough to continue into the Pokemon League that is so appealing to me for some reason. I always viewed him as a mentor figure of sorts, so it's fun to imagine him putting his hard earned skills to good use like this. It's a pretty harsh and unforgiving position to be in, but Zen's hard work always pays off. He's not just in charge of testing and training, he's also supposed to look after the gym itself, which is a tiring physical labor to go through. It's a role that requires a lot of responsibility, and that's something that our beloved actor takes very seriously.

Jaehee

Baker. Uhhh, this may be a weird choice, but I kinda just see her opening up her own cozy pokemon cafe eventually... I want her to live a peaceful life filled with yummy treats, warm coffee and her loyal pokemon buddies right by her side. So, the first thing that came to my mind is baker class. Still, don't underestimate Jaehee. She's an extremely difficult opponent to beat!

Jumin

Pokemon professor. Jumin is definitely someone who's reached the expert level with his skills and knowledge. I can see him being highly interested in research and working towards new improvements in the training field with the help of his company. It's also easy to imagine him being in the position of giving their first ever pokemon to new trainers. Jumin is deeply connected to nature, so I tend to think that he's a certified pokemon master in that regard. He'll be able to form a connection with any pokemon and, with time, he learned to pick the perfect ones at just a few glances.

Saeyoung

Collector. Okay, I was kinda conflicted between a scientist or a collector class for him. But, since the scientist class is usually aligned with evil teams, I decided to go with the collector class. I honestly imagine Saeyoung using super rare pokemon in his team, as well as finding joy in the process of learning everything there is to know about certain types of pokemon and planning the perfect way to catch them. Fighting with him would be quite a doozy due to just how unpredictable he really is in combat, and his pokemon team reflects that ideally.

Jihyun

Doctor. I always associated Jihyun with a healing role in whatever au I put him into. It just fits him y'know? He's someone who avoids conflict and doesn't like fighting, which is pretty fitting for the doctor training class who won't fight you unless you directly interact with them and talk to them. He's also definitely the type to heal your pokemon after the battle is finished, and he does his best to heal all injured pokemon he comes across.

Saeran

Pokemon breeder. Alright, I personally see Saeran as an animal person, even though he doesn't even realize that until someone directly points this out to him. He's able to easily form a connection with any pokemon and his tender touch is known to calm even the spunkiest of individuals. I imagine him both nursing young pokemon from birth and taking care of those who, due to unfortunate circumstances, have lost their former trainer. If you need to learn something specific about your little buddy - Saeran is the right person for the job. Plus hey, picturing him in his comfy overalls as he takes care of his little garden with a few tiny pokemon nestling themselves on his shoulders is just too cute of a sight for me to ignore.

Vanderwood

Pokemon hunter(poacher)/pokemon breeder. Okay. So, initially, they play the role of a pokemon hunter, and a very skillful one at that. Pokemon hunters are known for their powerful teams, and I always imagine Vandy being a particularly difficult opponent to beat. It's not a job that they enjoy doing, but they need to keep themselves stable in one way or another. They join Saeran as a fellow pokemon breeder once they're free to choose whatever role they want for themselves. Like Saeran, Vanderwood has a natural talent at building close connections with their pokemon, and additional farm work is something they enjoy to their hearts content.

[the-book-in-the-mirror]

Mary Plays Pokemon Gaia - Part IV: ecofascists on the snow, third gym and mega evolutions (reposted from Twitter)

I am finally back after *checks notes* almost six months. Sorry, life is still sorting itself out. The prospect of organizing all those screenshots on Photoshop so I could "cheat" tumblr's picture limit wasn't exciting for a while either, but I have sorted most of that already. But enough of that!

[Previous Post]

[Original Twitter thread]

After I beat Chatot Girl, the next step is an ice path to the next town where the villain team is doing their thing. The big rock on the 2nd screenshot is likely where you evolve Glaceon.

I regret to inform you the villains in this game are ecofascists

After fighting a few grunts and finding an Itemfinder (bless!) you finally get to fight a team admin, after they say something about catching Regice...

...and it's not too hard of a fight but other than the lv. 24 Noctowl and lv. 26 Amaura she also has a lv. 24 Froslass (forgot to screenshot - yah I'm still getting the hang of this) so I had to use a few super potions.

Again, this game isn't as difficult as, say, Vega Minus but it can be a little tough at times. Next town is a snowy place with some shop that sells neat stuff like lava cookies and fresh water, some plot hints and holy shit a Choice Scarf this early in the game??

There's a fire gym to do now but before that I take a look at the path to Mt. Ignis (where's the temple you're supposed to visit) and I get a Sneasel. Oh and Swellow evolved back in the cave which is a very needed improvement

Soooo I thought I'd need to go through the gym first but it's locked. Anyway, one last detour before I move the plot: this town is where you get the cable car that goes back to the starting town. After you go down, a worker has a Stealth Rock TM for you

South of the starting town there's that area full of totems where [on the beginning of the game] you talk to the old lady who asks for her book back. There are two grass areas you need rock smash to access and they have a bunch of psychic-type mons - Natu, Elgyem, Chimecho etc.

I even managed to find a Sigilyph, whose dex entry was clearly updated for this game specifically. Not sure there are other cases of Pokemon Gaia exclusive entries, but unless it's very blatant like this I probably won't be able to catch them lol.

(for clarification: this was a bit vague when I originally posted it, but after exploring the rock smash areas, I went to the temple to the north of the region to progress the plot.)

I really like how this stuff looks. and yeah, cult-ish group is trying to imitate the old civilization so I wonder how they compare in their goals

This fire gym curiously has ice puzzles. Also the leader's most levelled mon is a lv. 28 Camerupt but the biggest hassle is this Magmar with Thunderpunch. Almost blew Prinplup away

And another neat thing about this game is how occasionally you're offered an option to skip manual backtracking. The map is neatly-designed enough that backtracking isn't that big of a deal but this is still nice.

Alright here are some updates from last night that I forgot to post cause it was a bit. whew

So, when you get to the island you must go through a tower to get the Mega Ring - the final opponent has a mega evolution, though not a particularly tough one

So it's a difficult match but not too unreasonable. My problem is what comes right after.

Once you leave the tower you're locked in a plot sequence where the cultists want to grab Regirock and you have to fight two grunts + one admin in sequence. I wasn't a fan.

Both grunts have Noctowl and Diggersby that aren't too much of a hassle but can still leave a bit of a mark, but the admin had stuff like... mons all lv. 30-32, including a Tyrantrum, Aerodactyl and a Diggersby with Swords Dance + Quick Attack. Really.

Frankly I thought this was a bit overdone. Like you can access the pokemart to replenish items and the pokemon center before the match, but it took a while to crack the right strategy for this.

The good part is that you're rewarded with a kanto mon w/ a mega stone.

According to the pokemon list from the wikia, the Kanto starter varies according to the starter you picked - in my case, Charmeleon for Piplup starter. It also comes with its species' hidden ability. Guess I'll scrap my plan to grab a Chandelure for a while

Anyway after that I decided to grind a bit for a few levels (honestly, this kinda contradicts what people were saying about this game being closer to a offiial pokemon experience) and explored some Surf bits (at least the map is still easy to navigate).

Oh and the Marowak above? comes right off the bat with Thick Club. and Thunderpunch. Could be pretty damn useful but I'm determined to keep pushing with Drilbur and eventually Excadrill.

YES BABY LET'S GO LET'S BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS GAME

[ragdaughter]

1.23.24

Good evening perverted people!!! Rn i'm eepily typing from bed, nakey under my fluffy robe and mostly treating this post as a personal diary entry. Feel free to read my late night thoughts if you're feeling nosy/interested or just bored!

Stressful school is back in session now (*throws a rotten tomato* boooooo!) and I'm extremely depressed as is, which means I'll probably be masturbating/hornyblogging even MORE often to cope. Look forward to it since my blog will be full of sexy content as a result 👀 ⁼³₌₃⁼³

Technically I should already be asleep if I want to make it to class on time but I can't get myself to rest just yet...

Cumming super hard might help.

Confession: I miss posting tease vids/photosets online and getting worshipped by strangers... The amount of sweet messages I got from interested subs, switches and doms alike made me feel so wanted. Not all of them are loving but I think that makes the ones who were even more special to me. A little bit of attention means a lot to a little orphan girl like me, okay? It did wonders for my self esteem and personal outlook on life. Who knew sharing my sexuality would make me feel so much better in all these ways

Btw, @staff DESPISES when I post sexy vids of me stuffing my cute pussy, so I decided that I'll be doing none of that this time around ۹(๑`^´๑)۶ N-O-N-E! 🚫 sorry everybody- blame @staff. Until further notice, I'm playing it safe! (• ̀ - • ́) .... I'm hoping that this blog won't be deleted if I comply with the ToS... Having to tone myself down in the name of compliance is lame AF and sucks hole 🕳️ but fiiiineeee... ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

Good News: ass/tiddy, censored images and sexy text posts are still good to go~ so yay! I'll be making more of that content (ㅅ´ ˘ `) ✨

ALSO! This feels like a good opportunity to share that I made a lovense wishlist for whoever is interested in spoiling me for long distance play!!!!! Daddy doms, owners, breeders, etc. who like my blog and share similar kinks should check it out 💖🙈 if they like!!! Please only spoil if you're willing/able

SHAMELESS SELF PROMO!!! As per usual, if you like what you see and would like to request for more, my custom content is available at a premium, just DM me 💸💰

Moreover....

I'm still recovering from a failed suicide attempt last week. I have a lot of painful throbbing all over my body and especially a few organs. It sucks and I sincerely do not have a single family member or close friend who cares to offer anything but pity... but I'm just really grateful to still be here. That's the only way things can improve. Nobody will listen, so I'll just blog. I'm scared that I have breast cancer from how long I've been neglecting myself. I'm scared to get checked. I really don't want to. I'm too afraid. But it hurts and I should if I'm serious about wanting to live. Even now, my chest hurts

Yesterday I was lucky enough to have my begging work. I was able to get food last night thanks to a generous daddy so that was good. The delivery guy delivered it to the wrong address so I had to run around in my robe looking for the order and was so happy when I found it just down the street. I haven't had that good of a meal in a long time and I'm so full now. I can go to bed feeling full. That's always a good feeling

[pumpkin-spike18]

✨Weekly Progress #51-52✨ +Happy New Year 2024✨

I've been thinking about the past year for the last few days and struggled with how to talk about it.

But, let's start with the weekly progress reports, before I miss the ability to do it for 2023.

Weekly Progress #51

Linearted 4 SYVNH BGs

Answered more BWOBK edit comments

Yes, it's the same image as last time since... the 4 linearts were done by the time I posted the last update.

Weekly Progress #52

Scripted BWOBK S1-S3

Submitted the demo for The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows to Winter VN Jam and Once Upon a Time VN Jam

The demo is now available for download here!

...Oh my god, I forgot I start my weeks on Mondays. My brain got really confused for the twitter version of this update 😅

I'll be making a separate post for it tomorrow (or Akua would), but BWOBK is finally out! ...Well, the demo for it anyways. The last week has been a blur of editing, scripting, and final playtesting. I was working quite frantically so I didn't record all of my tasks for the past week.

...Which, to be fair, didn't amount to much other than working on BWOBK. Our team wanted to accomplish a lot for this jam, but as the final week approached, we knew we had to cut back a bit if we wanted to submit anything to the two jams so we discussed and agreed to submit a demo.

Please look forward to a full release in January 2024!

Looking Back at 2023 ⏳

Visual Novel Development

Last year I made this tweet to celebrate what I accomplished in 2022.

A total of 5 VNs was an amazing feat I didn't think I'd accomplish. I was prepared to never beat this record again. Yet, lo and behold...

This year, I submitted nine projects.

1 Updated Demo:

I counted this as a submission since my update was about 50k new words, all new BGs, and like 14 CGs (I forgot the exact number). Sadly, I couldn't make it to the finish line of a full game. That'll be 2024!

4 Solo Projects:

These are four short visual novels I did for a variety of jams (three of them were for about week long game jams). They're all playable in browser and shouldn't take longer than 20 minutes each to play.

one last time. is a standalone entry.

kill your feelings., spirit killing curse, and Exorcist Killing Lie are separate stories set in the same world of ghosts, unreliable gods, and exorcists. I've been calling it the Kill Series and I hope to work on it more in 2024.

4 Team Projects:

I participated in another four visual novel projects this year! Two of which were demos, and one even won second place in the Spooktober Visual Novel Game Jam!! That was a real surprise! Although everyone in the team worked super hard, I don't think any of us expected it. So it was really a great and amazing surprise that had all of us shocked with happiness!

The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows is a demo I'm the main writer for. I also wrote one of the routes for The Final Prize is Soup, which is the second place Spooktober 2023 winner!

I provided the art for For the First Time.

And I did the programming for Saintess Alasdair is Dead.

All of these visual novels (plus more from previous years!) can be found free to play on my itch profile!

I think, next year, I won't be able to beat this record 😂 In fact, I hope I don't... As happy as I am to have performed such a feat, it was very exhausting and took a lot of energy out of me. I just hope to finish my ongoing projects in 2024.

Other Creative Goals

Here is another tweet from early 2023:

I wasn't able to spend a lot more time animating, and it's hard to gauge improvement on my own, but...

I did it! I completed 24 illustrations!

This has been a mix of OC art, fanart, a couple gifts, and a couple commissions. Hopefully, next year I'll be able to not "cheat" by adding commissions to the mix... 😂 I'm very proud of my commission works, but I did say it was supposed to be personal art.

I actually spend the last three months drawing 10 of the illustrations. To be exact, I drew 14/24 drawings in the second half of 2023... This was alongside working on a variety of CGs and BGs for games, a couple fancomics, and some design work that didn't feel quite "illustration" worthy.

Other

As a number of you might have noticed, or if you're one of my closer friends in devtalk... I quit my job!! Which, may sound like a bad thing, but I'm actually quite relieved. I finally freed myself from something that felt like it had been chaining me down for years.

I did it with no plans, just enough savings for a short while. Hopefully, this will be the wake up call I need to improve my life and find a job I enjoy. I took a few months off so I'm ready and back for the job hunt in 2024! (...So in about an hour from me writing this, haha)

Speaking of the job hunt... I also started accepting commissions on vgen! I don't know if I want to pursue a creative career, but it isn't out of the question.

If you're interested, I'll be opening for a week or so in 2024 before I close to work on projects again until June or something. (wink wonk 😉😉)

Finally, I'm really happy to have joined the Ace Attorney fandom this year. I started replaying the games around September and searched for a fandom discord on a whim. I've met some really great writers and artists since! Everyday getting to talk about gay lawyers have been great and reminded me of an almost lost fun from my childhood.

So if any of you from there see this post, hello! Thank you for giving me such a warm welcome! I really enjoy spending time with you all!

And someday, I WILL kidnap you guys into making a visual novel with me.

I participated in my first online fan event thanks to everyone there and it was a lot of fun. I hope to do more with everyone soon!

Well, that's all! If you made it all the way down here, thank you for reading! 2023 has been an interesting ride and I look forward to 2024.

It's currently 11:12PM for me here (I made it, I finished writing before midnight!) but, this is probably as close as I can get before getting distracted by a video or other work so...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!