#there's a bunch of things to criticize about Jason's character or his side of the fandom

[webshood]

pack it up boys, we're not allowed to have Jason and Damian interacting as sibling anymore (it doesn't matter that one of the DiTF movie alternate endings was Jason raising Damian, or that in YJ Red Hooded Ninja Jason was guarding Talia and Damian or that they're constantly interacting with each other in the comics, be it the fight, the hug, the hip catch, Wingman and Redbird, or the fact that they're both characters set to appear together in the new The Boy Wonder by Juni Ba), you ☝🏾 Jason stans making them interact and know each other in your fanfics and hcs are actually stealing other characters canon relationship with Damian !

/ s / sarcasm / SARCASM

[satorugojjo]

The more I read the more I don’t understand the absolutely homophobic coded hate for The Sun and the Star. Nico literally shares a homophobic experience he experienced in the 40s that shaped the way he viewed himself, reflects on it, and then comes to the conclusion that’s what made him react to Cupid so badly, and THIS is something to hate??? Nico, growing, learning to share, learning to not impose isolation on himself, learning to feel his emotions and let them out, to be there for people, to miss Percy and Hazel and Jason, actually developing, and people are like “ugh so boring and unrealistic, they ruined my fav character”

Well, sorry he’s not the miserable little edgelord you all desperately want him to be. Sorry that Will actually has some very understandable flaws, sorry that Percabeth aren’t perfect, sorry that you’d read book about the experience of coming out for an Italian raised boy from the 1930s and think it’s boring, sorry that you’d read about the trauma of his Tartarus experience from HoH and go “OVERDONE”!!! This book does have flaws but it is not Nico and Will.

Every single interaction feels meaningful, the focus on emotion, growth, light, happiness, connection, love, friendship, and more is what is quintessential PJO to me. It’s not full of adventure after adventure and that’s perfectly fine to me. They’re navigating an emotional minefield. How the fuck can this fandom sit here and complain about the lack of emotional depth in Blood of Olympus and then when they do get it they’re like, “oh no no no this is the WRONG kind, I want him to stay miserable, I actually don’t want to read about his sorrow from his POV, I don’t want Nico to be MATURING” GROW UP?

Nothing about Solangelo so far feels OOC to me, and every time they do it’s actually even pointed out to us that it IS ooc, and we get to see how they feel about it. This is exactly what I expect from canonical middle school sunshine/darkness tropes.

Also, this is VERY IMPORTANT so pay fucking attention. THIS. IS. NOT. A. MAIN. PLOT. BOOK. IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE BREAKNECK PACING. If this was an anime, this would be a sweet little OVA arc. This is a side story, just the same way the Percy/Thalia/Nico story was. It’s a companion book about two side characters. Why are your expectations as high as a main series book? It’s a NICO AND WILL book, it’s not anything more or less. Another thing to remember? Canonically this is meant to be the year 2011. The RRverse is very anachronistic where current year elements feature in a timeline where it shouldn’t, but EVEN SO, it still feels at best 2015. More importantly? It’s only been a year since Cupid. A singular YEAR. For reference the pandemic started 3 whole years ago.

I can’t stand fans sometimes, you’ll jump on any bandwagon of hate without exercising a single shred of critical thinking or nuance, and then conveniently forget a whole bunch of things that are GOOD for the minor flaws this book has. This isn’t a 10/10 book, it’s probably a solid 7.5!!! Stop treating it as if it’s 3/10. And I stand by what I said before. We need more middle grade LGBT lit! Is this the BEST out there? No. Is this however bad? No. And before you guys come for me without having a molecule of reading comprehension, it’s OKAY to not like this book. It’s not okay however to make sweeping statements of hate as if everyone who enjoys this book is a blithering idiot.

[tenpintsofsundrop]

Okay, as a die hard Titans fan, reading the title of this post, I cannot help but to write an intensely long response to it.

(Also, you ask questions like this, you will get answers to them.)

So - here we go.

(Also I don't get hating on a show this much when you haven't even watched it. Like why do judgy when you haven't even watched it? Come back and complain about it after actually watching the show.)

Is Titans good? Yes, it's enjoyable. But you have to actually go into it wanting to enjoy it rather than seeing it as garbage that you are superior to.

Also the 'Fuck Batman' thing is a joke. Or, if you really wanna read into it, it could be seen as Dick striving for his independence.

If you actually watch that entire scene in context, Dick (as Robin) approaches a bunch of criminals, threatens them, and they don't flinch because they are waiting for Batman, literally pointing their guns in the sky waiting for the 'real threat' - and he uses this distraction to his advantage to kick all of their asses, in the process showing that he is, in fact, just as much of a threat as Batman. So him saying 'Fuck Batmnan' after that fight is him saying to himself: he's not just a sidekick, and he doesn't need to rely on Batman.

Why does everything look dark?

If you're talking about the actual lighting of the show - no, not everything is dark. It's not like Game of Thrones season 7 where you literally can't see shit. They have a lot of daytime scenes with good lighting.

If you're talking about the show having a weirdly 'dark' gritty tone to it - it does have some more serious elements, but they are balanced well with romance and elements of humour, and some more light hearted family moments. There is a lot of scenes with blood, but personally I love them showing how superpowers and magic can be genuinely harmful, as well as showing intense danger and then having the characters put a stop to it. It makes them feel more super.

Why does everyone cuss every five seconds?

It's not as excessive as you think. And they actually make an effort to make certain characters - like Gar, say 'screw you' instead of 'fuck you' because it's more fitting that he's PG13, but like ?? characters should be allowed to say fuck. Candace from Phineas and Ferb should be allowed to say fuck.

Also - Ian Glenn as Bruce Wayne. Personally, I don't like the casting either. I fucking laughed when I saw him. There are a lot of references to Game of Thrones in season one of Titans, so I genuinely believe that the producers cast him because they are Game of Thrones fans.

But first of all - the show is not about Batman. Personally, I think the show would have been better with less Bruce Wayne. But the Bruce Wayne casting doesn't need to be perfect, because he is a side accessory of the show. He is not the show.

Secondly - I got way more fond of the casting when I realized that he is mostly playing Bruce Wayne. He is not Batman. He is not supposed to be the dark shadow in a costume who jumps down and delivers justice to criminals - he is clearly supposed to be the retired old billionaire (and in this case, arrogant old billionaire) who just wears suits and sips scotch and like ?? idk. Acts annoying. It works really well to inform Dick and Jason's stories (because this version of Bruce Wayne is emotionally stunted and not a good father) and I think he does ultimately work well for the role.

Why does everything look edgy?

Again, this is such a 'from the outside looking in' criticism.

Half the show is a fucking joke. (And I say that with the utmost affection.) If they are not actively making the characters say funny things, then they are making the audience laugh with situational humour and they know that it comes off as funny because of how ridiculous it is.

Superboy got pregnant with a snake and had to be restrained with Kryptonite BDSM cuffs. Gar has to get naked to transform because he really likes that jacket. Conner lost his virginity to Kory's sister from outerspace because they were both bullied once. Jason killed somebody and then roleplayed an apology with contactless prostitutes.

The show is a joke. If you think it's all dark and edgy and serious - then you are unfairly judging it.

Why do you think they are playing up Jason's worst traits?

Because you haven't watched the show.

Yes, I do think that you could watch the show and say that Jason's portrayal is unflattering - but I fucking love that about his character. Sometimes it does feel like they are speedrunning the Red Hood storyline, but it means they are not afraid to touch on Jason's harsh past, to show that his optimism for the world is a mask that he puts on to make himself feel hopeful. And it is one of the most realistic and layered depictions of mental illness I have ever seen in a character.

Especially for a male character, where they are usually forced to be strong and emotionless - he gets to be flawed, insecure, he gets to cry on screen.

And as far as Jason saving kids and liking literature - yes, Dick says Jason 'didn't read anything other than the back of the cereal box', but many fans of the show have pointed out that it's not the show saying Jason is stupid, it's about the fact that Dick didn't know Jason. And showing how in Titans, they were not close. They were not 'brothers'. (Which really helps to inform Dick's actions during the Red Hood storyline.)

And Jason himself as a character makes a lot of literary references and is proven to be smart enough to reverse engineer Crane's fear gas with a flawed formula. So the show is not calling him stupid by any means.

And in the show, he protects kids too. One of the only things he does as Red Hood that was not influenced by Crane's preplanning was rescuing a missing kid - someone who the show says is not on the cops' radar because he is 'poor and brown'. But Jason goes out of his way to shows that Red Hood cares.

So they definitely got to the root of his character, even if they royally messed up the 'killing the Joker' part. They got the Jason Todd as Red Hood parts all right.

Give me your genuine complaints once you have actually watched Titans please. (Because I can list off the genuine flaws of the show and actually agree with you then, but these ^^^ are not it.)

Is it Good?

Question for the batfans. Is the TV show Titans good?

I remember the outrage of "Fuck Batman" when the first trailer came out

Because I want to take peak but I don't know if i want to waste my time because, and this based on some clips I have watched:

Why does everything look dark?

Why is everyone cussing every five seconds? I don't want to be the language police but dropping f bombs in every dialogue is too much.

I can't in no way shape or form see Ian Glenn as Bruce Wayne. The sandy blonde hair reminds me of a early design Bob Kane, the creator had for Batman. And is too old for Bruce, specially during the time of the story where Jason is his Robin. He was in his 30's, Ian Glenn is 50 something. Maybe the role of Alfred would fit him a little better.

Why does everything look edgy? I remember in the late 2010's there was this trend on tv shows where they would be violent as possible and "dark". Yes, a show can have dark elements but I also belive that there should be a freaking balance.

Why do I feel that they just focus on Jason Todd's worst traits, like his anger and temper? Jason Todd is more than that. He protects the kids of Crime Alley and loves Austen and other classic literature.

[strangertheories]

Speaking as a queer diasporic Iranian woman I am disgusted by the way the fandom is projecting its issues on to anyone who merely explains Jason's pov. Again, read those first few words, I'm not a f*cking white supremacist or an evangelic conservative christian narccisist, I'm someone who is interested in narratives and characters and has taken the time to explain why Jason's behavior is unfortunately some of the more realistic parts of the season. Words have f*cking meanings.

Yeah people really don't get nuance. Plus white supremacy isn't something that should just be thrown around as some sort of gotcha because it's a really serious issue. This issue with complexity is on both sides. I've seen people saying that Jason did nothing wrong because his girlfriend died and he murdered him which is completely wrong. And then on the other side I've seen people like the ones you're talking about saying if you attempt to understand his actions, you're condoning them. People really see stuff in black and white, when in reality the character is meant to be more of a grey area.

Because yes, his girlfriend was brutally murdered and in his mind he wants justice. That's an interesting motivation. But it's also not a justification for his actions. He frames a bunch of innocent people, is incredibly violent and encourages his friends to be violent too. Even before Chrissy's death, he used the mass death of people in order to encourage people to cheer for his basketball game so he's clearly very manipulative and wants his way. But you're not erasing any of that by trying to understand the character and his motivations and his pov.

I think this moral purification in the fandom is kind of weird. Like every character is either this or that with no room for nuance. I got an ask saying that Eddie is a horrible person because he did bad things, but he's clearly way more complex than that. He's not perfect, but that was the whole point in his character arc and he was always a good person deep down. It's so weird to me how people are faster to blame him for dealing drugs than they are to blame Billy for being a racist piece of shit.

TW for abuse and racism at this point! Speaking of him, I've seen this a lot with Billy. Billy was a racist abusive piece of shit. His mind was warped as a child due to his desensitisation to violence and due to the cyclic nature of abuse, he became a bad person. But people think that a sad backstory is an excuse for his behaviour, when it's clearly not. Because people really struggle to understand that just because a character is complex it doesn't mean that they're good. Same thing goes for Brenner. Like wow he cares for his little lab rats that he manipulates and abuses, he's so great!

And just for the show in general. Does the show have problematic elements? Absolutely. It's treatment of queer characters and characters of colour as well as it's use of holocaust imagery and a fucking Nazi prison camp as a set (seriously fucked up) and queer baiting is disgusting. But I do not think that means the show is now entirely awful and if you watch it or enjoy it you are awful too. It is really important to critique media, but things aren't as simple as 'this is problematic and this isn't' because most shows probably have issues. As a fan, it's important to critically consume the show and to call it out and hold the creators accountable. We need to encourage the show runners to make a change and start trying to make good representation to make up for their prior mistakes if they even can be redeemed instead of just writing off the whole show.

Don't know if this is what you wanted, but thanks for the ask anyways (: hope you're doing well

[itssolonelyhere]

Couldn't agree more with everything you said. Now people are saying they headcanon Chrissy as a lesbian and you know why they are saying that. Lesbian Chrissy couldn't be into Eddie. It's okay if they headcanon that, but the only time they mention it is when they want Eddissy shippers to shut up. No fanarts, no fanfics, nothing. It's just so Chrissy doesn't get in the way of Steddie.

And you are so right about Hunter and Eddie. I would even say they would hate Hunter, how he dresses and the music he enjoys because it was never about Eddie being a metalhead. It was always about him being cute. That's why some people in the scene are hesitant to welcome all those news "fans". Only we understand what it's like to constantly be made fun of just because we wear unconventional clothing and listen to rock and roll. And all of sudden many people are claiming to be fans of heavy metal and to love metalheads. New fans are always welcome but the feeling has to be sincere. If it isn't the first opportunity they have to cancel us, they will (like they did to Metallica) and will start making fun of us again.

And let me say...despite all the hostile behaviour in most part of the film, I prefer Hunter over Eddie. I love Eddie with all my heart (and Eddissy too), but I see Hunter as the metalhead I would love to talk to and hang out with. Idk...maybe it is because of the mess in the Eddie fandom.

JFC... I'm 100% cool with headcanons and whatnot. It's fandom, after all. Anything goes. I'm just not a fan of insisting stuff is canon when it's clearly not then calling people names who don't agree.

Making Chrissy a lesbian is such a blatant attempt to get rid of her. These chicks don't care about women in general, especially not queer women. They're using queerness to dispose of a woman in the way of their mlm ship. It's being used as a sword and shield to strike down Eddissy while covering their asses. If anyone criticizes them for it, they can scream misogyny or homophobia. This isn't referring to the people who headcanon her that way affectionately either or genuinely do it for more queer rep. I mean those who do it specifically to erase hellcheer in order for steddie to seem more legitimate. Using the LGBTQIA+ community for their own gratification and fetishes is icky as hell.

Let's be honest. There's a bunch of Jason's in the community that stan Eddie simply for being attractive and quirky. Mostly the former. The rest is just a bonus. He's good bottom material for their ship. And people in the rock/metal scene aren't stupid and know what's going on. Even if some might use the newfound interest to benefit themselves (I've seen posts talking about how ST has helped them get laid lol), everyone has run into folks over the years that poke their heads in, look around, then dip. These days, you have to be more careful than before. Like you mentioned, canceling is a thing. One wrong move and the tides turn. It was only a matter of time before it happened to Metallica. Once something gets really popular (again) or mainstream, all eyes are on it and people start searching for anything in order to bring the hammer of justice down on it. That's the way society is now. Sometimes for good reasons, other times not.

I feel you on Hunter. They both really remind me of people I've met over the years. Hunter as guys I've enjoyed chilling with and talking to. Eddie was the same, but more like the really out-there ones I needed to take in smaller doses.

Actually, that was the whole reason I started liking Eddie in the first place. Initially, I didn't get why everyone was going crazy over him (physical attraction) and I hadn't watched the show yet. I checked out some scenes on YT and it made me super nostalgic. Then BAM! The bastard got me lol. I didn't know who Joseph Quinn was for a while either. That didn't matter to me. I just really appreciated his character. Both him and Hunter. That side doesn't get a whole lot of rep, so it was really great to see.

Unfortunately, fandom can really make things tricky. I have some friends who despise Eddie, simply because of his fans and it's a real shame. I can't blame them though... And there are others who hate Steve for what steddie fans have done/are doing. It sucks since the characters and actors are just doing their thing. It's stans that are the problem. They can either make a fandom a fun safe haven for everyone to flourish and create in or a literal living nightmare. Most of the time, it seems to be the latter. Too many people don't understand boundaries and what's socially repulsive. They feel entitled to the character itself, the actors who play them, and control over the fandom too. Almost like they own them. Somehow became a God in this hellhole and they decide the laws of the land. Really twisted stuff, man.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

[miracle-sham]

Memento Mori Cries Our Shattered Souls.

| {Jasonette July 2021, Week 1, Day 3: Grave} |

| [Ao3 Link] | | [Masterlist Link] | | [Spotify Playlist Link] |

| Soulmates, are a tricky thing. It's said they're the person who best fits you. Everyone goes through life with half of their Soulmate's soul beside them in the form of an animal that represents the soulmate. |

| Marinette always thoughts she'd get to meet her Soulmate and the other half of her soul one day, and now she never will. Jason never wanted to meet his soulmate or be reunited with the other half of his soul. And now, like Romeo and Juliet, they've truly become star-crossed Soulmates. |

| Word Count: 1,371. |

| Warnings/Tags: Soulmate Au, Major Character Death/Implied Death/Temporary Death/Not Really Dead, Death Related Injuries/Injury Recovery, Miscommunication, Loss of Soulmate, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language/Swearing, Starcrossed Soulmates, Wakes & Mentions of Funerary Customs/Traditions. |

———

| A/N: Okay so there's only one song on this one's playlist but c'mon, look my written words in the eyes and tell me that isn't the perfect Jasonette song. Yeah, exactly. Also Choo Choo dear readers, I'm back on the angst train. Grab your tissues and some liquid to hydrate yourself because if you aren't crying by the end of this, then I've failed my job <3 |

| If you want to be tagged in future oneshots/fics or a specific Au, then feel free to send me a dm and or ask! |

| Also side note, Don’t Like? Don’t Read. Also also, please do not criticise any of my writing. This was written for fun and receiving criticism, even in a compliment/criticism sandwich, is the exact opposite of fun. |

———

It isn't a grave. An important difference, Marinette thinks to herself hollowly. There's a dull pang in her chest, and the constant ache of all her many, many still healing injuries. She shouldn't be up and about yet, it's only been a day since she was discharged from hospital. Her parents and the doctors would have kittens. But Marinette needs to do this. And she's already crawled her way up to her balcony chair (though with a little miraculous help of course). Because it isn't a grave but it might as well be one.

It's a simple little thing really, and yet… Yet it's a lot of things.

A shrine, well an altar. On the half wall besides her balcony chair. It's a small stone slab with a lit incense holder in the middle, and a few lit candlesticks in each of the front two corners of the slab. Behind the incense holder, in the back two corners are two bouquets of marigolds, white lilies, and yellow and white chrysanthemums. And in front of the incense holder, is a single photo of her soulmate familiar and all that she has left of her soulmate; Buddy the german shepherd.

Five days ago, her soul bond shattered. Her soulmate familiar nearly shattered too. It was a miracle Buddy only fell into a pseudo-coma instead. Unlike her though, he's yet to wake up. And considering the situation, he may never. One of the doctors—a soulmate related injuries specialist—had said it's rare but not unheard of for that to happen when the human counterpart to their soul familiar dies. And the final damning nail in the coffin was Marinette's own soul familiar counterpart appearing at some point after she had fallen into the three day coma. After all, it's common knowledge that once a soulmate died, you become reunited with the other half of your soul—your soul familiar counterpart.

Marinette doesn't know what happened to her soulmate's body (if there even is one left, considering the injuries found on her and her soul familiar counterpart). Nor does she have any memorabilia or anything that once belonged to her soulmate. And she certainly doesn't know where he was from and if he would've had any preferred cultural funeral rites. So the best she can give him right now, are the typical funeral flowers her parents both recommended, alongside candles and incense. Somewhat plain and generic almost but it's something, and it's better than nothing.

She chokes back a sob and rubs at her red eyes. “It's not fair… I thought Ladybug's were supposed to be lucky.”

There's a faint pitter-patter and a few droplets splatter against the altar. She blinks and glances upwards, briefly wondering if it is starting to rain. But the cloudless sky is all an answer she needs, along with the realisation of dampness on her cheeks and hands. She blinks again, and a few more tears fall.

Tikki makes a small noise of sadness, and gives Marinette one of those tiny little hugs she always gives.

Still, the grief hurts. Marinette will never get to know who her soulmate was. His name, what he looked like, how he smiled, his accent, what he liked, his favourite things, any stupid habits or mannerisms.

And she will never get to know if her soulmate even has a grave already. She could always ask Tikki, she's right there. But the kwami is stressed enough as it is that Marinette fell comatose for three days and nearly died from the injuries inflicted on her soul familiar counterpart. And five days without a proper Ladybug (and not just Master Fu stepping in out of necessity) protecting Paris has started to visibly take its toll on Tikki.

So, Marinette's little altar isn't a grave but it's where she's burying her grief and wishing the ladybug miraculous could do something to fix this.

———

It's not a fucking grave. If Jason had a choice, he'll never let his soulmate be buried in one of those fuckers ever, y'know just in case she ever ends up like him and is forced to crawl out her own grave. But he hasn't got a fucking choice because who knows who or where his soulmate is and what happened to her after he became a dead robin.

Well other than the fact, she's un-fucking-doubtedly dead and it's all his fucking fault, obviously. It's been six months since he crawled out his grave, and Talia had said the Lazarus Pit could heal broken soul bonds and soulmate familiars that died with the soulmate. Clearly fucking wrong seeing as his bond is still shattered as fuck and there's been no sign of Jules—the naturally shifting little soulmate familiar he used to adore. The kinda weird and scrappy looking calico tabby kitten that according to the internet was a cornish rex, that would sometimes shift into an even tinier, very round and fluffy hamster.

And Jason's spent enough time on the streets as a kid to know what happens to the human counterpart when their soul familiar counterpart snuffs it. If he's lucky, she'll be in a coma and will never wake up. And if he's unlucky, then she'll be six feet under like he was. Either way, she's paying for his fuck ups and deserves way better.

A small part of him wonders if that makes them star-crossed lovers. Like a reverse Romeo and Juliet—fucking ironic considering R&J were the inspiration behind Jules' name. He died, and came back only to find irrefutable evidence that his soulmate's dead—or might as well be—because of him dying first, and she'll never know he survived dying.

“It's not fair!” Jason snarls at his fate, vision staining green for a split second. He grits his teeth and glares down at the little altar he's set up in the corner of his room in whatever league of assassins' compound this is. It's got a single lit candle in each corner of the altar—a substitute for how there's supposed to be a burning candle at each corner of a coffin. Still doesn't make it a fucking grave though.

There's also a few bunches of flowers scattered across the middle of the altar—mostly marigolds, with a few white lilies, a couple black roses, a single pheasant's-eye, and a small handful of asphodels. It hadn't been easy to get them, especially since he couldn't exactly leave the compound yet. But Jules and his soulmate deserved this at least.

Marigolds for grief, white lilies more for the funeral staple than the meaning, black roses for death and mourning, pheasant's-eye for painful recollections, and asphodels for my regrets follow you to the grave.

Fucking ironic, seeing as it's on altar and not a grave.

The worst fucking part of being here, was losing Jules. The one fucking constant in his shitty life. Batman replacing him fucking stung alright, and he's never particularly cared for soulmates, yeah. He's seen and heard more than plenty horror stories growing up, and considering how small and cute Jules is, no way would've his soulmate survived Gotham. It's not like he cared too much about meeting her or whatever, but she was fucking innocent and now she's fucking dead. So yeah, she gets asphodels on her altar because he regrets being the reason she and Jules got shattered.

And the pheasant's-eye, well Talia and all the fucking assassins in this hell hole aren't giving him the chance to hold a wake for either of them. And it's not like he knows shit about her or has anything of hers to sit on the altar. He hasn't even got anything left of Jules 'cept his fucking memories. So all he can really do is recount his own memories of her to himself. Maybe he should write 'em down in a book or something…

All in all, it ain't a fucking grave. But it might as well be one because it's where he's burying his memories and feelings. After all, an assassin without a soulmate familiar, or a soulmate, is a lot harder to kill. 'Least he's got that going for him now. But Jules and his soulmate still didn't fucking deserve dying only for him to survive alone.

———

| Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little fic! Comments, likes, and reblogs are much appreciated! |

| Quick reasons behind the Soul Familiar names and species, whilst I know Jason canonically is bad at naming, he's also a literature nerd so hence why he called his soulmate's familiar Juliet, also because it shifts form he can't call it Cat or Hamster. The hamster is because well this is half of Marinette's soul, let's be real, and the cat is because Calicos are seen as lucky and also I thought a Cornish Rex because they're highly intelligent, active, and affectionate and I think that fits Marionette pretty well. As for why Marinette has Buddy, it's purely because Jason reminds me of a German Shepherd and I feel Marinette would've wanted to become friends with her Soulmate as soon as she understood it as a kid, so hence the name buddy. It's not fully accurate to her canon naming skills, but that doesn't matter. |

| If you've been around since the early days of my Maribat/MLB Tumblr side acc, then this premise might sound familiar. Yeah, you've guessed it! It's the Jasonette version of my MTSPY au (rip, I'll get to writing it one day, maybe), aka/originally called LYLaLYL or Lose Your Love and Lose Your Life. I decided since I love the au but I want to re-use a lot of it but with some minor to significant changes. Anyway, if those au names are familiar/you've been around for my last year's content, then here have a virtual hug from me! 🫂 If you can't see this emoji, it's the weird two blue humanoid blobs hugging emoji. Yeah. |

| On a sidenote if there's an obvious difference in writer's voice for the end/beginning notes, tags, and summary, that's because I'm writing this very sleep deprived at 4am and may have gone slightly feral. Yeah. Don't do what I'm doing, get some sleep folks. Half the tags were written at the much more reasonable hour of ten to midnight instead though. |

| Also feel free to send me any comments with any questions you have regarding this fic, I'll be more than happy to answer! |

| @jasonette-july-event |

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #481

Top Ten Pixar Villains

Those rascals and rapscallions at Pixar are famous for twisting our emotions, aren’t they? Perverse masters at making us cry with sadness or joy, often at the same time (I’m looking at you, Inside Out, with your yellow and blue marbles). Oh yes, they’ll stick the knife in and give it a good old yank, like John Travolta teaches his daughter to do in Face/Off when he’s not really John Travolta and it’s a bit icky but then she stabs him at the end of the film so it’s alright really.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Pixar, renowned for turning grown men into blubbering messes, mostly because an adult character was convinced to part with old toys he no longer plays with. But I’d argue that one thing they’ve done less well than their parent studio (that’s Disney) is crafting iconic baddies. I mean, we all know the Disney Villains; they’re so iconic and successful as pop culture icons that there’s an entire trilogy of movies based on what would happen if a bunch of them had kids (apparently they’d sing a lot). Pixar baddies though? Hmmm, maybe not quite so iconic. I can’t see someone making a live action prequel movie about Chef Skinner.

But that’s not to say they’re not great; in fact, rather than going down the route of snarling, moustache-twirling villainy, Pixar actually does a great job in creating antagonists instead. Sometimes they’re misunderstood; sometimes they’re not the person you thought they were! Quite often some kind of redemption is offered, and the villains are very, very rarely dropped off something tall. A lot of them aren’t even defeated, so to speak! A good deal of nuance and shade goes into a Pixar villain, and if they haven’t made as many all-time-great iconic ne’er-do-wells, it does seem as if their approach is starting to rub off on Disney mothership (the likes of Frozen II and Moana either don’t have, or at least subvert, the notion of all-powerful bad guys).

So what do we have? Well, hopefully, we’ve got a list of really cool villains from Pixar movies. most of them are presented as the film’s “big bad”, although there are a couple of lesser baddies. And I think we do see the pattern emerging, of more mundane levels of villainy; the selfish and greedy and damaged. It makes for great characterisation and some beautiful storytelling; some complex and pitiable characters. And, yes, a few absolute bastards too. Let’s tut disapprovingly.

Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear (Ned Beatty, Toy Story 3, 2010): a superb performance from Beatty as a seemingly nice, jovial old bear who’s really a manipulative, power-hungry, gaslighting bully. Realistically portrayed as damaged and bitter, he has a tragic backstory that feels real, and a sense of pain and loss that feels earned in this universe. Questions the nature of everything the movies are about, and is a genuine threat in more ways than one. Plus he literally leaves them all to die in the furnace!

Syndrome (Jason Lee, The Incredibles, 2004): Buddy Pine’s backstory is one of belittlement and rejection, so his switch to villainy is as well explored as many a comic book bad guy. But he’s interesting partly in what his character says about Mr. Incredible – in a way justifying the criticisms of superheroes, as Mr. I does ignore the admittedly-annoying Buddy rather than mentoring or respecting him – but also because he prefigures notions of toxic masculinity about a decade or so before they became, well, a threat to global democracy.

Al (Wayne Knight, Toy Story 2, 1999): Like how Lots-o can be seen as a dark examination of toy life (all toys are replaceable, kids don’t really love you, etc), Al also shows us another dark facet of toy-dom: namely the life of a “collectable”. Toys, in this world, want to be played with, preferably by children, so a big ol’ man-child who stores them in boxes or puts them on display is not ideal. It’s an inversion of what a toy is for; an object of joy reduced to a commodity. Is it entertainment versus art? Who can say? Also, he’s really just a massive jerk and a huge slob, so we feel no pity for him once he gets his comeuppance at the end of the film.

Sid Phillips (Erik von Detten, Toy Story, 1995): man, they nailed the Toy Story villains, didn’t they? Maybe there’s even more to come! But right out of the gate, Sid was a classic. An utter sadist in a skull t-shirt, torturing toys for kicks; adults can see the traits of a genuine sociopath (some serial killers start by torturing animals, remember!), and he’s portrayed like a character in a horror movie. Seriously, in 1995, Sid’s room was legitimately disturbing. I’m not sure what moral lessons his actions teach us, but just as a pure article of terror, he’s supreme.

Hopper (Kevin Spacey, A Bug’s Life, 1998): it feels a bit weird, if I’m honest, to celebrate a Spacey performance. But as a character, Hopper is excellent, one of the best things about the generally-overlooked-but-still-a-bit-lesser-Pixar Bug’s Life. Riffing on biker gangs, Hopper’s locust swarm in, revving their wings. Hopper’s a classic tough guy thug, dominating through violence and threat; a creature with a small amount of power determined to hold onto it, and ultimately eaten by a terrifying bird. Just don’t look at the cast list.

Ernesto de la Cruz (Benjamin Bratt, Coco, 2017): after the horror of Sid and the thuggery of Hopper, de la Cruz is a different, more insidious villain. He’s a thief and a betrayer who exploited and murdered his best friend, condemning him not just to death but to a forgotten obsolescence in the afterlife. He’s a perfect example of the gaslighting, friendly-seeming bad guy, more in the mould of Lots-o, but with the world on his side and a sweet guitar. Genuinely hissable.

Stinky Pete (Kelsey Grammar, Toy Story 2, 1999): what, more Toy Story? Well, yeah. Don’t blame me, blame Pixar. And so Stinky Pete; a far more relatable and understandable villain, one driven to desperation through a lifetime of rejection and broken promises. Unlike the Machiavellian, power-hungry Lots-o, Pete just wants everyone to retire quietly together; he can’t accept the risks of freedom and only becomes sneaky and, indeed, violent after all else fails. But he does kinda get a happy ending, even if he doesn’t realise it; this is a villain who I feel could eventually be redeemed.

Randall Boggs (Steve Buscemi, Monsters, Inc., 2001): Waternoose is the real baddy in Monsters, Inc., of course; a conniving capitalist who’s prepared to sacrifice the world’s children to keep his monopoly. But it’s Randy who sticks in the mind; his selfish, vain lackey, a monster with a huge chip on his shoulder. His design – lizard-like, snake-ish, with a huge mouth and invisibility – is seriously disturbing. Hearing Buscemi’s voice come from that form – an aggravated teacher, a furious accountant – adds something special, something darkly hilarious.

Evelyn Deavor (Catherine Keener, Incredibles 2, 2018): visually and conceptually, The Screenslaver (great name) is pretty cool, but when it’s revealed that the Big Bad is really under-appreciated tech genius Evelyn, that’s a great twist. A smart woman propping up her schmoozing brother, her criticisms of the heroes – like Buddy Pine’s – have resonance, although she’s learning the wrong lessons from tragedy. Her relationship with Elastigirl, from friendship to enmity, is very well-written and performed, and her belligerence at the end is a nice touch, denying the heroes of any catharsis from her capture.

Shelby Forthright (Fred Willard, WALL-E, 2008): I was originally going to feature the autopilot, but then I figured, if you can get Fred Willard in your list… and really, who’s the big villain here? It’s us, right? We killed the Earth. But Willard’s smiling, happy CEO is there, encouraging his customers to buy, promising them safety and security, promising them a repaired world… but really he’s shovelling them off the planet, secretly commanding the computer to take humanity far away and never look back. It’s a devious, horrible plan, giving the people unending luxury, making them want for nothing, turning them into fab, soporific blobs, basically because that’s easier than the alternative. It’s a horrible indictment of humanity (also: he’s the CEO of a company, but also – it looks like – that makes him rule the world? Creepy). So, yeah, the autopilot might be a baddun, but it’s the man in charge who’s the real villain of the piece, even hundreds of years later.

Sadly no room for John Lasseter, who may not have tried to enslave humanity or torture children, but still managed to be a huge jerk and a phenomenal disappointment.

[thejudgingtrash]

@aph-usa-is-my-dad​ Thank you, thank you! 🙇🏽‍♀️

Alright lads, looks like it’s time for hot takes part III!

Here’s Part 1//Here‘s Part 2

Apollo won’t get Zeus position. Why is everyone wishing for that? And why should he? All of you really want to romanticize/project yourself onto him, huh?

Casual Reyna >>> praetor Reyna

Grover has the fattest ass in the Riordanverse, I don’t make the rules

People lack of basic reading skills part III

The fact that adults in New Rome let kids rule the fucking place is still mindblowing

Rick apologists are lame. People calling out shit isn’t an attack on you. Stop defending a product‘s/public figure‘s honor. Defending Rick Riordan is the equivalent of you defending the honor of a snickers bar. Dude doesn’t know you and dude doesn’t give a fuck about you. You are a walking dollar bill at best

Romans are still fucking wacky and despite Camp Jupiter being superior allegedly it’s a whole damn chaotic mess. Where are the supposed civilized Romans because I don’t see them?

Camp Half-Blood >>>> Camp Jupiter, especially when Percy trains in his summer vacations and beats praetor Jason’s goddamn ass who’s been training for 12 years

Why did Riordan even try to make Jason appear to come close to Percy’s level? The imbalance of power is so abundantly clear and makes Jason seem even smaller in that regard. Riordan is truly Percy’s biggest hater

The fact that CHB also glamorizes child soldiers in a more fun and relaxed way. Yikes

Nico is a white™ (again, he is European)

Rachel was annoying but didn’t deserve the blatant hate.

Annabeth should’ve had another possible love interest to spark some pissed Percy. Luke doesn’t count. Percy’s jealously revolves around (the possibility of) her not being around him (e.g. the hunters), not him ”losing“ her to someone else romantically speaking

Silena is the OG Aphrodite kid, fuck the rest

Amazons >> hunters by a slight margin. They’re also an awful bunch

The execution of the hunters is so bad omg, just let me revamp them, Ricardo

If a different take on a headcanon/characters really offends you/paint that much of a different picture of op, then I’m not sorry (only exception if the headcanon is based on discriminatory means. Someone saying they don’t like A and someone using slurs and being a douche are two different things)

The entire Aphrodite cabin is pan FYI

Team demigods who receive periods would probably be extra fucked when it comes to monsters and stuff. Let’s address this

Why exactly couldn’t the gods handle their own shit? Hunting monsters in your area makes sense as a demigod job. But stuff like retrieving Hermes‘ staff (especially when the dude is the speedy traveler guy) makes no goddamn sense

Let’s face it: Annabeth is the only good female character that Riordan pulled off. Also wasn’t she based off his wife? If so, that’s why.

The lack of irl examples for his POC and other women is abundantly clear as he can’t lure everyone from his environment into the stories especially because he has no irl connection to minorities. So he fabricated stuff/did his 5 mins of wiki and got it severely wrong. Clock that tea!

Camp Half-Blood t-shirts belong to the trash. Orange is Yellow‘s cousin and both are ugly to the max. Let’s just switch colors of both camps. Let the Romans deal with the hideous shit

Chiron and Paul are Riordan‘s self-inserts

Tbh giving Hazel super mist powers and tying Frank to Poseidon was stupid

Skater!Percy is pretty much canon but I just can’t envision it? The thought of it is cute and so 2000s but my brain goes fjfldlsöwlwbvd (and tbh gymnast!/dancer!/Parcours!Percy >>>>> skater!basketball!Percy)

People are forgetting that Percy is the unpopular kid both in the mortal realm and at camp and partially chose to be so? Let me remind you of the truth real quick

Beckendorf and Silena are the horny bastards of the Camp Half-Blood. Issa fact

The gods not really immortalizing Chiron and simply saying that he’ll live as long as he’s needed turned him into the cryptic fuck we all know. That’s why he barely helps out (On that note a tiny Chiron essay)

A headcanon, regardless of how popular it is, isn’t factual/reality. So fighting over different takes of the exact same issue is rather pointless but you do you. Some popular blog having an opinion with a large following doesn’t automatically negate your sentiment

Piper being ”unconventional“ as in hating make-up and being dressed up is in itself more than fine but the execution was lacking and her coming off as pretentious and annoying was the result

Piper also has no taste in men if she thinks that amnesia brick boy Grace > Percy. Just no. Lesbians claim haaa

If I see another Amandla or Zendaya or another biracial/lightskinned face claim for Hazel I will lose it

Everyone and their mother having a crush on Percy fuels them Gary Stu feelings, just saying

The fact that Riordan casually drops the abuse that Percy has suffered from like some fucking tic tacs just to never be spoken about should be a reason enough to whoop his ass

Not maturing and darkening HOO (there were good thoughts but also many whacky executions) was the biggest mistake Riordan had made. He should’ve went the Rowling route and transitioned from kids books to YA

The whole fire stick thing that Riordan ripped off from Meleager and slapped onto Frank was terribly executed

A lot of you people should open up more to jokes and not take everything all too seriously

The fact that people seriously ship/ped Reyna x Apollo is proof enough that this fandom should burn

Why do Luke discussions at this point still exist? You’re essentially glossing over the same four things

Hyping up fanfics to the max is a terrible idea. Also don’t shy away from giving writers constructive criticism

Stoner headcanons are here to stay and slay!

On one hand seeing discussions from the science side of PJO talking about the biology, physics etc. is super interesting but on the other hand getting heated over the illogical basis of ”magic“ is pretty much a waste of time

Riordan‘s world building is truly awful

Frazel is a crime against humanity

If you don’t get someone‘s post actually look op up and read the tags? No need to spam the exact question to everything

Fat Frank stays. I get it, Greek gods are hot, they are conceited and choose to fuck people that they perceive as attractive, so their offspring also has some higher levels in the beauty realm. But why not explore the opposite? Why does every character need a makeover or a blessing that gives them enhanced looks?

Clarisse‘s thigh can break ya neck

Also Riordan is Annabeth’s biggest hater. Let’s throw all of her most important possessions away to proof that the smart one can survive without any of it. Sure, but the emotional attachment to the stuff still remains especially when everyone else is walking out of Annabeth’s life

Making Leo another horny bastard was an accurate portrayal of your casual 16 year old boy. Annoying, but realistic

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Rewatching the HP and FB movies

I have a tradition of rewatching HP movies at least once a year. This year, I added the two FB movies as well. I know lots of people have well deserved issues with a lot of thing with the franchise and I do too, but I still thoroughly enjoy the movies. All of them. Certainly there are some big issues I have, like how Kloves treated Ron starting from GOF onwards, and how Hermione kind of became a mary sue, and definitely some of the things that were added or removed, like the removal of some of the Riddle memories in HBP, removing the pretty fascinating Dumbledore backstory in Deathly Hallows, the silly inconsistencies like polyjuice not changing the voice of the characters etc... But in general, I still think the movies did a great job capturing the spirit of the books and the casting was just incredible. Especially the adult casting. I know we have only seen one version of Harry Potter on the big screen, but I envision these actors, especially the adults, when I’m reading the books now. Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltraine, Mark Williams, Julie Walters etc... are now the faces I see when I think of those characters. Richard Harris was a terrific Dumbledore for the first two movies, where he had more of grandfatherly, twinkling, vibe. I know people are critical of Gambon in GOF and he admittedly did get the characterization wrong, but I feel he was excellent in POA, OOTP, and especially HBP. Alan Rickman was just so outstanding in the role of Snape. I genuinely feel he should have gotten some Oscar consideration for his performance in DH2. But he was incredible even when he had only a few scenes and had to be super dry in his dialogue delivery. Maggie Smith was similarly wonderful. But these were just the adult regulars, but equally incredible were the phenomenal actors who came for just a few films. There are so many. Gary Oldman, David Thewlis, Imelda Staunton, Helena Bonham Carter, Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Isaacs, Emma Thompson, Jim Broadbent etc... among many others. A lot of these actors only had a film or two where they had a significant presence, but they showed up in cameos in other films, particularly in DH2. I have a lot of respect for the casting directors for this franchise since they cast basically half of all of British’s well respected acting thespians. Even someone like Bill Nighy appeared, just for two scenes in DH1. Rhys Ifans came in DH1 and was terrific in the two scenes he was in. Ciaran Hinds also was in just one or two scenes and he was also very good. And all these actors felt like they gave it their all and that it wasn’t just a paycheck role.

When it comes to child casting, what strikes me is the amazing continuity the series kept. Its one thing to be able to keep the core child actors like Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, and Tom Felton, but one of the most satisfying aspects of the series is that a lot of the core group of side characters were continuously played by the same actors. Not just Matthew Lewis and Bonnie Wright  and the Phelps brothers, but also Alfred Enoch as Dean, Devon Murray as Seamus, and Joshua Herdman as Goyle. It would be very easy to replace some of these side characters over time and no one would notice, but the continuity makes it so much more enjoyable when in DH2 Seamus helps Neville blow up a bridge based on the fact that we know Seamus from the first movie was known for blowing stuff up. Its the small things that make it so great. Possibly the most accurate bit of casting was Evana Lynch as Luna. I honestly can’t think of a single actor more perfectly cast in the series than her. The core quartet were all lovely. Not always consistent, but more than good enough. I actually think Dan was the weakest actor when the series started, but he made remarkable improvement in the back half of the series, especially OOTP onwards. He is outstanding in DH2 I thought. Tom Felton didn’t always have to do much until HBP, but he was excellent in HBP. He does seem to have been stereotyped a little in the other roles I’ve seen him in but it still means he was great. Emma Watson’s performance fluctuated a bit. She was very good as a kid, then she was kind of bad in GOF and in parts of OOTP, but she found her footing again in HBP and especially in DH1, which I still consider to be her best acting performance to date. I think Rupert was always the most natural actor of the lot. He was probably the most hard done by the Kloves because they kind of typecast him as the comedic sidekick, but I can’t fault Rupert because he was a pretty gifted comic. Like Emma, when he got more scope in DH1, he did an incredible job. I would say Bonnie Wright is maybe the only one who didn’t fully grow into the role for me. It probably has a lot to do with writing, but she also really didn’t share any chemistry with Dan which made that relationship feel pretty flat and forced. But all in all the casting really made these movies and they elevate the movies significantly. But I admit all the craft behind it. Also, some of these movies are close to two decades old and the effects hold up quite well. I think there are scenes in the first movie that look a little dated, particularly the flying scenes, but subsequent movies seemed to find the right blend of practical and visual effects to make the movies look pretty timeless. 

I think all the directors did their job really well. Columbus did a good job of bringing the childlike wonder of the initial books to life, Cuaron brought his more adult quality as the kids grew up, Newell ramped up the scale and the scope, and Yates managed to bring home the darkness. Definitely the films weren’t flawless. Like I mentioned before, there were times when some characterizations were off, some key subplots were eliminated or not handled well, some things added which were not needed etc... but the spirit of the books remains. I have a deep fondness for the movies as I feel I grew up with them as I am basically the same age as all the main child actors in the movie so I grew up and watched them grow up. So while they aren’t in the league of greatest films of all time, but its a remarkably consistent and enjoyable franchise that lasted an entire decade.

When it comes to Fantastic Beasts series, I was excited that Yates and Rowling were developing something new but I also feared what would happen given they didn’t have the structure of a book series to guide them. The fears ended up being fairly valid. The first FB is a pretty enjoyable film. I do think they did a good job creating a likable quartet of main characters and the actors all did a pretty remarkable job. It was also a refreshing change to watch Magical World from an adult POV as well as experiencing a new location and time period as well. The issue with the first film is that the film has two separate storylines which don’t really merge well together. The story of Newt, Jacob, Tina, and Queenie finding and recapturing the suitcase of magical creatures is actually very charming. The film does a nice job of creating some unique magical creatures and adding something new to the Magical World, but then there is a dark and gloomy second plot which doesn’t work as well because it essentially isn’t much of a story other than just showing Credence being abused and manipulated time and time again until the climax. It neither merges well tonally, nor plot wise. The way they try to put Newt at the center of the climax felt very clumsy and unearned. Overall, the first film still has sufficient enjoyable charm and I certainly like Redmayne, Waterston, Fogol, and Sudol. Farrell was a damn good villain. Miller was a little too mannered for my taste but I understand what he was going for. Voight is there for no reason at all in a perplexing subplot that goes nowhere. But still, more positives than negatives. FB2 is where the franchise really dropped the ball for the first time and Rowling’s inexperience as a movie screenplay writer became very obvious. The film is literally a setup for future movie, designed to get characters into certain places where the real story can start. the film essentially has no plot other than a bunch of wizards across Europe are looking for Credence and Credence is searching for his identity. There is really nothing else in the movie. The movie is overpopulated with characters, and Newt ends up even more incidental in this movie since he has no interest in going after Credence himself at all for 2/3 of the movie. All the things that were good about the first movie are lost as Jacob and Queenie only share two scenes together, Tina and Newt only share the last act or so together, Newt and Jacob end up only have a couple of scenes together. Its all rather boring and dull. The performances are fine. Depp was a good enough Grindelwald but I don’t think he was given any more to do other than just be surface level evil. One of the most inspired casting decisions was Jude Law as Dumbledore. While he doesn’t ape Gambon or Harris, he does capture the twinkling spirit of Dumbledore and his scenes are the best. The film also has a rather odd plot concerning Leta Lestrange. It is simultaneously important and completely pointless at the same time. I felt that the character had a compelling backstory and interesting potential but the film barely has time to address it any sort of depth before she gets pointlessly killed off at the end. The film also does a pretty bizarre character assassination of Queenie who makes decision that I really don’t understand. I guess this all boils down to the fact that this story may have worked in Rowling’s head as a book where each character’s internal thought could have been given more depth but what happens is that pretty much every sub story is pretty unsatisfying. Its certainly not an unwatchable disaster, just rather dull and devoid of the spark that the wizarding world movies should have. I hope they can turn things around because the film leaves things at a very peculiar juncture which doesn’t make much sense based on what we know of the HP canon.

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢🤢🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜💛🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

[letterboxd]

Stanning the Ancients.

Valerie Complex probes the intersection of Greco-Roman mythology and queer experience in Portrait of a Lady on Fire, The Neon Demon, Jumbo and Midsommar.

Ancient stories have a way of influencing modern filmmakers—in part because of their “glorious” approach to love, as actor, writer and Greek-myth-lover Stephen Fry noted at this year’s digital Hay Festival. But even beyond depictions of same-sex love, Greco-Roman mythologies lend themselves well to tales of otherness and transformation.

Mythology isn’t just a bunch of stories from thousands of years ago—it’s something we create every day. Greco-Roman mythology, in particular, has less to do with the “godly” part of the pantheon, and more with their human qualities. Their lust, jealousy, wrath and greed: on display for not just other gods but all mortals under them. These stories were a portal for us to reckon with the less-savory parts of ourselves.

More than that, these stories were a cipher; a way for us to relate to one another without the need for conversation. What are celebrities and the gossip they inspire, if not modern myths? Stans are acolytes worshipping at the temples of their respective gods. They make offerings, pray to them, build altars. Every celebrity’s past is of great interest to their worshippers, who mine their back-stories for nuggets of relatability.

Beyond direct adaptations (Jason and the Argonauts, Clash of the Titans and the like), these ancient myths have informed many recent films (Prometheus and The Lighthouse; the Amazons and Wonder Woman; Oedipus and Old Boy; Homer’s The Odyssey and O Brother, Where Art Thou? included). But queer scholars have long seen Greco-Roman myths as having a particular way of helping shape queer cinematic experience, because they exist at the same intersections.

Consider the queer sensibilities in the tall tales that feature trans and intersex characters, and all the other ways the ancient poets encompass LGBTQIA expression: through their tales of otherness, outcasts living on the fringes of society, relationships that reject heteronormativity, or that push the bounds of sexuality and identity.

When myth and movie come together to create loose adaptations, film lovers are blessed with art like The Neon Demon, Jumbo, Midsommar and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Let’s look at how Ovid, Euripides and Virgil have woven their way into the fabric of each of these stories. (Spoilers ahead!)

Noémie Merlant, Adèle Haenel and writer-director Céline Sciamma on the set of ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ (2019). / Photo by cinematographer Claire Mathon, courtesy of NEON

The Melancholy Experience of Finite Love and the Desire of the Gaze: Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire meets Virgil’s ‘Orpheus and Eurydice’

Virgil’s story of Orpheus and Eurydice is woven so literally and metaphorically into Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire that it’s interesting to discover how late in the piece it came. Sciamma told me in an interview at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2019 that the story was one of the last elements to be included in the script. When she re-read the myth, she felt it ran perfectly parallel to Marianne and Hëloise’s relationship because the concept of gaze is extremely important for both couples.

In Virgil’s tale, it was prophesied that the marriage of Orpheus and Eurydice would be short-lived—and so it was. Eurydice dies from a snake bite, and her soul is sent to Hades. While in mourning, Orpheus gets the attention of the gods by singing and playing the lyre.

Being the rule-breaker that he is, Orpheus travels to the underworld to bring Eurydice back. Hades and Persephone are moved by his music and grant his wish that he will reunite with his wife, instructing him to keep his eyes front while his wife walks behind him into the living world. Unfortunately, he turns around—and loses her forever. We don’t know why he turned around when he was told not to—did he make the poet’s choice, or the lover’s? Perhaps the memory of Eurydice felt more feasible than having her physically.

In Sciamma’s film, Marianne (the painter), Hëloise (her subject) and Sophie (the maid) are isolated on a small island in eighteenth-century France. The trio carve out a microcosmic community where they are equal peers and status has no power. Hëloise reads the story of Orpheus to her two friends; they discuss whether he makes the poet’s choice, or the lover’s choice. Marianne and Hëloise engage in a romantic relationship, subverting the hostile, patriarchal world they live in. When their time is finally up and Marianne is running to the door to leave, Hëloise requests she turn around to see her one last time, thus imprinting a lasting image in Marianne’s mind. No one dies in their story, but, with a look, their love for one another lasts beyond the physical world.

Watch: Céline Sciamma discusses the myth of Eurydice and Orpheus in this clip from the new Criterion release of Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Elle Fanning as Jesse in ‘The Neon Demon’ (2016).

Reflections and personae in The Neon Demon: Nicolas Winding Refn takes on Ovid’s ‘Echo and Narcissus’

The harsh modeling world is the perfect backdrop for The Neon Demon, which deals with ideals of beauty, deceit and narcissism. The film is also a loose adaptation of the Roman poet Ovid’s story of Echo and Narcissus from Book III of Metamorphoses. Narcissus is the beautiful hunter who upsets Aphrodite when he rejects a low-level goddess in the most asshole-y way. She curses him, and he ends up drowning when he falls in love with his reflection and tries to kiss it over a pool of water.

In The Neon Demon, Jesse (Elle Fanning) wants to be fashion’s next ‘it’ girl. She has youth and beauty on her side, which invokes jealousy in others. As her star rises, Jesse is consumed by vanity. After her harsh rejection of make-up artist Ruby (Jenna Malone), and going on an egomaniacal tirade, she is pushed into an empty pool by Ruby’s friends Sarah (Abbey Lee Kershaw) and Gigi (Bella Heathcote), thus breaking her neck.

Two stories from different millennia share a common thread: characters who love themselves to death (literally). What separates them is the queer subtext, particularly in The Neon Demon. Does Refn know his film had queer subtext? Perhaps not, though the film itself is often included in modern queer horror lists. There is an explicit attraction between the main characters, and he does an excellent job examining what that looks like when they are clouded by envy. For the women, this desire manifests in the form of companionship (Ruby), status (Gigi) or consumption (Sarah). This queer interpretation aids Refn’s exploration of relationships that exists outside of the typical portrayal of female desire.

There is a debate among viewers regarding the queer subtext and the lesbian body horror aspects of the film. Many of the film’s critics denounced the level of sexual objectification of the young women. However, objectification is a hallmark of the story: it’s a movie about the modeling world. What people miss is not only how the external world oversexualizes these characters, but how they objectify one another, and that gaze lends itself to a strong queer asthetic.

Florence Pugh as Dani in ‘Midsommar’ (2019).

Outcasts and killer cults in Sweden: Euripides’ The Bacchae as told through Ari Aster’s Midsommar

In Greek tragedy The Bacchae, Dionysus tells the citizens of Thebes he is the son of Zeus. No one believes him. He is gaslit to the point of shame. With his reputation in a shambles, the spurned demigod leaves Thebes. He soon returns in disguise with a pack of rabid women who call themselves the Bacchae—they kill King Pentheus and burn Thebes to the ground because they didn’t listen. No-one listens to Midsommar’s main character, Dani, either.

Dani is in an emotionally abusive relationship with the gaslighting Christian, and is surrounded by Christian’s friends who reject her and see her as an emotional burden. Imagine how unhappy they are when Dani accompanies them on their trip to Sweden to visit the commune of the Harga people for their Midsummer celebration. Things spiral out of control when Dani unintentionally rises to godlike status within the Harga cult, which leads to, let’s just say, consequences for her dissenters.

On its surface, Midsommar is not queer cinema—at the center of the film is a heterosexual couple. However, Dani is an emotional outcast and feels like an outsider no matter where she is; it’s an echo of queer experience that is heightened when the women of the Harga embrace Dani. She gains status within the group and receives cathartic support from the young women of the commune. This allows her to purge the toxicity she’s experienced at the hands of Christian, his friends, and the outside world.

Sure, the Bacchae and the Harga are both dangerous, insular, microcosmic communities. Those attributes aside, these are two groups that exist separate from society at large, because their way of life is unique only to them.

Noémie Merlant gazes up at the object of her desire in ‘Jumbo’ (2020).

The Allure of Inanimate Objects: Zoé Wittock’s Jumbo vs Ovid’s ‘Pygmalion’

Another story from Ovid’s Metamorphoses features Cypriot sculptor Pygmalion, who swore off women in his city and took to isolation. In his time away from society, he carved a woman out of ivory and fell in love with it. He prayed to Aphrodite to bring the sculpture to life—and she did! Could this be an early case of objectum sexuality? While there is no divine intervention in Jumbo (which premiered at Sundance this year), Zoé Wittock’s film explores the meaning of objectum sexuality, which is a form of sexual or romantic attraction focused on particular inanimate objects.

In the film, Jeanne (Noémie Merlant—yes, Portrait of a Lady on Fire’s Marianne) isn’t interested in human interaction, other than with her mother Margarette (Emmanuelle Bercot). Working for the cleaning crew at an amusement park, she falls in love with the newest attraction, a tilt-a-whirl ride named Jumbo. As Jeanne’s desire grows, the ride comes to life and begins to communicate via colors and sounds.

Jeanne is a societal outcast who rejects human romance; her relationship with Jumbo subverts what society understands about sexuality and connection. Coming out to her mother about her attraction is also a challenge. Margarette isn’t open to what her daughter is feeling and reacts harshly toward Jeanne by coercing her into engaging in sex with men, and, when that doesn’t work, throwing her out of the house.

Eventually, Margarette realizes love is love, and as long as her daughter isn’t hurting anyone, she can learn to accept Jeanne’s love for Jumbo. Being pushed to the fringes of society for being honest (like Jeanne), or isolating yourself (like Pygmalion), is a scenario that queer folks are all too familiar with. At least Jeanne and Pygmalion don’t face tragic ends. The odds of being rejected by loved ones is high.

Coming out to family members is hard enough, especially when your very existence challenges their sense of normalcy. But this is why chosen families are important, and in both stories, the love of an accepting, chosen few is better than the approval of the majority.

Related content

Follow Valerie on Letterboxd

Valerie interviews “Celine the Machine” at the Angelika in New York earlier this year.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire director Celine Sciamma answers your questions in our Letterboxd Q&A.

Jumbo and Portrait of a Lady on Fire star Noémie Merlant answers our Life in Film questions.

Midsommar director Ari Aster talks pagan rituals and psychedelic drugs in a Letterboxd Q&A.

MundoF’s essential list Opening the Vault: A Chronological History of Queer Interest & LGBTQ+ Cinema.

The Top 100 Narrative Feature Films by Women Directors

The Top 100 Women Directors of the 2010s

The 2010s—Top Romance Films

[365days365movies]

January 6: Last Action Hero (Epilogue)

First thing first, I do indeed like this movie. It’s got a cult following, and if you look it up on Tumblr, you can see that this cult following is present on this very site! So, if you’re in that cult following, well...

I’ve got good news and bad news, to quote the Dean. Yes, I’ve been rewatching Community, what of it? Anyway, I do like this movie...and it’s an absolute mess that makes no sense when you really think about it.

Rather than go into my feelings on it now, I’ll just put up the review, OK? Let’s go. And get ready for a lot of words. I know, atypical of me.

Review

Cast and Acting

I appreciate that Arnold was, essentially, making fun of himself throughout this movie. And in the end, he almost injected some character depth into Jack Slater. Almost. THe movie itself didn’t really let him, but I’ll get into that in the next section. Austin O’Brien does fine with Danny, but he doesn’t save from getting juuuuuust a little annoying there around the middle. Again, there’s obviously something deeper to the character, but the movie didn’t let O’Brien explore any of that depth. But then again, he’s also far too emotionless in the movie, considering the events that happen within it. Unfortunately, that’s common for ‘90s movie kid protagonists, and it’s very jarring in this example. On the flip side, Charles Dance is fantastic. Seriously. I love him. Dance actually appears to be taking this role seriously throughout most of the film. Toward the end, he starts to get a little hammy during that ending villain speech (a speech literally about film villains), but he’s a great casting choice, and a great actor. But then, it’s Charles Dance. Who’s surprised by that? 

Prosky’s Nick is extremely endearing. Despite his lack of screen time, he quickly became one of my favorite characters in the film as well, placing second above Slater but below Benedict. Prosky also doesn’t get a lot of time to inject much character into Nick, but we still get a sense of who this man is. Everybody else is fine; they play the characters that they’re supposed to play, no complaints there. In fact, any complaints belong in the next section. A couple of standouts amongst this supporting cast includes Tom Noonan’s Ripper (terrifying, and played very well), Bridgette Wilson’s Whitney/Meredith Caprice (the first film role gimmick to her character makes me smile), and Art Carney in his last film role. 

Cast and Acting: 6/10

Plot and Writing

THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH IN THIS GODDAMN MOVIE. OK, let me explain. Zak Penn and Adam Leff wrote a story for the movie, parodying ‘80s action films like Die Hard and Lethal Weapon. This was Penn’s first movie, and he’d go on to some success including writing the story for The Avengers with Joss Whedon, alongside a few great movies, and many...not great ones. Anyway, they sold the story, and the screenplay duties were handed to Shane Black, the writer for, uh...Lethal Weapon. OK. Black, in case you didn’t know, tends to inject his screenplays with irreverence and meta humor. Check out his earlier movie The Monster Squad (I love that goddamn movie), and his later movies Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (on the list) and Iron Man 3 (form your own conclusions from that). That screenplay is VERY different from the original, and only kept a few elements. And a bunch of script doctors and edits later, and you have...a mess.

THIS MOVIE IS A MESS. IT IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. There are SO many potentials for character development and plot points that are unexplored, while the number of meta jokes and commentary and film references are SO FREQUENT that they end up breaking the entire concept of the movie. Here’s an example of what I mean: WHERE IN THE SHIT IS THE MOVIE UNIVERSE SET? Weird question, but think about this. In Slater’s world, there’s a widely accepted cartoon cat cop voiced by Danny DeVito. And, just...how? How does that work? If Danny gets zapped into the movie, that means that all of the stuff, ALL of the stuff that we see in the movie is in Slater’s universe. And that makes...no sense. Unless the film franchise is just that batshit crazy, which I doubt. This movie is absolutely crazy, and it ends up breaking itself with plot holes. There are a lot more, but this section is already long, and I’m about to add a paragraph.

See, new paragraph. Why? Well, I should say this: a lot of the commentary about the film industry and action films of the day actually do work really well. The movie-in-a-movie universe does have some great references and jokes, and that stuff actually salvages the film somewhat for me. Man, I love some of that stuff...but there’s also so much of it, that it becomes draining. Plus, the balance between the movie world and the real one is heavily skewed towards the former, not giving us enough time in the real world, and missing the opportunity to have Arnold fight Jason or Freddy Kreuger. I mean...come on. Of all the missed opportunities in the world...that’s the biggest one I’ve ever heard. Whoof.

Plot and Writing: 4/10

Direction and Action

John McTiernan, the director of Die Hard, apparently didn’t have a hell of a lot of time to make this movie, and the production of this film is legendarily a mess. That said...direction was fine. I think McTiernan did OK, and he wasn’t the biggest issue with this movie. The action, on the other hand, is the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever seen...and I love it. A LOT. It’s constantly over-the-top, and I’m goddamn HERE for it, as I said before. If there’s anything else to talk about with this movie, it’s the goddamn action. Hell yeah.

Direction and Action: 7/10

Production Design

Costume and set design for this movie was sometimes pretty suthentic, similar to that of The Running Man. And sometimes, also like The Running Man, IT IS GODDAMN INSANE. The weird-ass creative choices in this movie boggle the mind. I didn’t even MENTION the dominatrix cop you see when Slater’s fired. Yeah, look it up. This movie makes no sense 50% of the time, from a viaul standpoint. And yet, sometimes, it’s just straight-up good looking, especially when you get to the real world. Look, if there’s anything I can see, its that this movie’s production design is extremely memorable. And for that...yeah, it weirdly deserves some credit. Might’ve melted by brain, but, hey, I ain’t gonna forget it!

Production Design: 8/10

Music and Editing

AC/DC, Aerosmith, Alice in Chains, Megadeth, Def Leppard, Cypress Hill. Do, uh...do I need to say anything else here? That lineup is insane, and it works pretty well! Stands out more than The Running Man did last week, and definitely brings you into the universe of the movies. Where The Running Man’s soundtrack was distilled ‘80s, this one is pure ‘90s. This one I would download on iTunes. However, it’s still not extremely memorable outside of the film, unfortunately. Better than The Running Man’s, though, I can say that.

Also, you wanna see something? Check this out.

Here’s the deal, as I see it. This movie is a complete mess. And, yeah, I gave it a 64%, which is higher than most critics would give it. But one, I’m not a critic; this is a fun hobby for me. And two...sue me. I had a good time with this movie! I laughed quite a bit throughout it, so the jokes really did work for me. Got a little annoying after a bit, but I still liked it. Would I watch this movie again? Absolutely...but probably with friends. This is definitely another good party movie. But then, it’s Arnold? Are you really surprised?

This movie, amongst EVERYTHING ELSE, sets itself up as a buddy cop movie. That’s actually a pretty common action-comedy formula, right? But I’ve seen most of the old classic buddy cop movies...so how about a new one?

January 7, 2021: The Nice Guys

[flvcr]

ᴡᴇꜱᴛᴍᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴀꜱᴋ ₀₀₁ : ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴜʀᴠᴇʏ

𝙬 / 𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙣𝙚 𝙛𝙡𝙪𝙤𝙧

ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴇᴛɪᴇɴɴᴇ

when you think of westmere, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?  

❝ i guess it’s more of a feeling for me ? this sense of warmth. it’s just bits and pieces engrained in my mind of those in town. it’s starting to feel like home for me ? i mean, i’ve moved around a lot, and although i think back on those cities fondly, this is a new one for me. ❞

have you read rw wallace’s books?  if you have, which ones your favorite?

❝  i’ve read through them all, mainly as a result of joining a book club in town - some a couple times more than the others. if i had to choose, i think my favorite one is secret identities. although i’ve marked up corruption and creation a bunch, that one’s pretty solid. i read the first when i moved to new york, and then once i discovered it was inspired by westmere i knew i needed to come visit, and ever since it’s definitely lived up to the hype set in merelake. ❞

what spot is your favorite in town and why?  

❝ favorite ? hm, the gazebo, at night, is a bit surreal. there’s this bit of stillness for a moment that just seems to encompass the entire town, and the very next second the crickets are chirping, it’s almost like you can hear everything yet NOTHING all at the same time. ❞

if you were stranded at night, who’s the first person you’d call and why?

❝ @sebmeier​ . let’s just hope the poor sod isn’t standing beside me this time. oh, cause he’d put the pedal to the vettel. but if he’s with me, @mcttie​ - it’s a given. ❞

how often do you talk to your parents/family?

❝ we text here and there throughout the week, my parents and siblings alike. we have a family group chat, ha, um, but it’s nice. i call my mum on thursdays, we’ll facetime and have a proper meal together. if my siblings are visitng, or dad is around they’ll join too. ❞

how would your best friend describe you?  what about your worst enemy?

❝ probably in the same fashion - an ass that just won’t quit. i’m only kidding. perhaps more along the lines of me being a pain in the ass ? ❞

do you like celebrating birthdays?  what about holidays?

❝ birthdays ? hm, no, well not my own. i do enjoy gift giving though, and writing a card, so i guess i enjoy others birthdays. holidays, eh, it more so depends on the one. i enjoy halloween, that dream-like christmas bubble of time is a bit uncanny, and i’m a proper sucker for valentine’s day. all the others are a bit of a wash. no offense to the easter bunny and what not. ❞

do you believe in ghosts?  aliens?  are you a conspiracy theorist?

❝ ghosts ? definitely. growing up in montpellier, i could’ve sworn there was this girl that used to come and play with me, but a couple years back when i tried to explain her to my parents, they said they had no idea who i was describing. aliens? there’s absolutely no way we’re the highest form of life in this galaxy, if so, that’s awfully depressing. i guess you could say i’m a conspiracy theorist, i mean, i’m not sold on the ideology of lizard people quite yet, but i do often slip into the online void - some of those just ... click, y’know ? ❞

if you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you’d do?

❝ lately i’ve been thinking of designing some type of rec center filled with after school programs and an ice rink, of course. although, i don’t necessarily need to win the lottery to really set it in motion, i suppose. regardless, i think it’d be a bit exciting to develop a program that’d engage with the youth of westmere, it’s a bit shoddy now, but who knows ? maybe one day it’ll come together. ❞

is the glass half full or half empty?

❝ that all depends on what you’re putting into it, hm ? are you taking or giving ?  ❞

are you more at home in a room full of people or being alone?

❝ of course i enjoy spending time with others, but a room FULL of people sounds a bit nightmarish.  i read this thing about how you become the most like the five people you surround yourself with, but it makes me wonder, at what points are you ever truly yourself ? i figure you can only find out when you’re completely alone. ❞

are you someone who follows a routine every day or prefers the spontaneity of life?

❝ a mix of both ? during training and the hockey season, i think a routine is a bit easier to follow. however, knowing i’m out for the season, i’m looking forward to the spontaneity of life here in westmere. ❞

do you want kids someday?  if you already have kids, would you want more?

❝ i haven’t really thought that far ahead. someday, maybe ? i do enjoy spending time with @salingcr​ and his rugrats, so why not ? yes ? ❞

what’s your go to karaoke song?

❝ runnin’ with the devil - van halen.  ❞

what throwback movie are you crossing your fingers that drive on by will show someday?

❝ meet joe black, although i’m not sure if they ever would due to the length of the film. ❞

what’s your favorite ice cream flavor down at ice queen & king?

❝ mint chocolate chip is a classic, but lately i’ve had a hankering for their mocha almond fudge. can never go wrong there. ❞

ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴇᴛɪᴇɴɴᴇ

if your character grew up in town explain what they think of town and why they still live here. 

— n/a.

if your character moved here at one point or another, explain what they were thinking when they moved.  was it their choice?  a parents?  how did they feel about moving? 

— after being gifted the first of rw wallace’s books while living in new york, etienne knew the town depicted in the story was a place that he desired to be a part of. so, once his lease was up, he opted to move to westmere, commuting to new york during hockey and training season. he’s enjoyed it ever since, definitely no regrets.

what is your character’s earliest memory?

— his earliest memory is from halloween when he was about four years of age. still living in montpellier, his parents took him and his siblings from business to business to do a bit of trick-or-treating, popping in and out of different store fronts asking for candy. that year his parents dressed him up as jason voorhes, finding it comical for his age.

is your character’s family big or small?  what is their relationship with their family like?

— etienne has two older siblings, each of them being two years apart. he and his siblings are very close, as well as his parents - they have a family group chat.  he definitely gets along with his mother the most, the two of them having a virtual dinner on a weekly basis.

is your character the type to have a lot of good friends or a few really close ones?

— etienne has both ?! a solid amount of good friends, and yet also a tight knit group that he feels that he can be a splash more expressive and vulnerable with when the time comes. he does make a point to insert himself in others’ lives, wanting to be there for truly anyone who may need / want him, but he sometimes finds it difficult for himself to open up to that connection.

what is your character’s life philosophy?  how do they see the world?

— with a deep appreciation and love for  matthew mcconaughey this video here basically is etienne’s philosophy / way he sees the world in a six minute nut shell. BUT taking things from it, etienne is very realistic and straight to the point - will tell you what’s wrong / what the problem even if it’s a little blunt and borders on the rude end of things. he just doesn’t think living in some delusional realm is the right move for any one by any means. he may come off having a superiority complex when one is asking for his advice, but it’s just cause at the end of the day he thinks he’s being honest / right and by all means helpful, even if the other person doesn’t want to acknowledge it. aside from that, he has a deep appreciation for all forms of life, the earth included - just treating peeps with kindness and the like !!

what are some goals that your character has?

— in regards to his hockey career, he’d like to be awarded the nhl foundation award. fingers crossed he’ll be cleared to return in the following season if all goes well with his recovery, bc he really wants to go into the playoffs and win the stanley cup. he is also hoping to attend the winter olympics in beijing in 2022. 

what does a typical day in the life of your character look like?  

— a typical day, as of late, for etienne consists of him waking up a touch on the early side to a freshly made pot of coffee, then followed by taking olive on a walk/run around town. after that he will shower, make a bit of breakfast, perhaps check on seb’s chickens ( just to be safe ) and then spend the day either reading or working in his makeshift studio. he enjoys the throwback days offered down at movie magic, so he’ll drop in to watch whatever film is being shown. otherwise, he’s likely with friends - doing whatever can be done in the day. 

what does your characters house/room look like?  is it messy & cluttered or is it neat & organized?

— for a visual, click here ! his house and room altogether are rather neat and organized. if things are  messy, even in the slightest, it’s an indication that something is wrong. he lives with sebastian, and with seb also being rather tidy, the two never have any issues, nor really any conflicting design ideas throughout the home.

what does your character’s typical wardrobe consist of?

— for an overall visual, click here ! etienne enjoys dressing up, give him a lil sweater vest and he’s beaming - he likes to look sharp, and a bit on the clean cut side. he can be a bit adventurous with his wardrobe, but definitely loves a splash of color. on the other side he his more casual looks are a jeans ( flare, skinny, cord ?! the options are endless ), a fun lil graphic tee to spice things up ( he prefers the more ridiculous ones ), and a jacket ?! he’s looking sharp, def won’t be wearing the same thing twice.

what’s a quote that describes your character?

— “ It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. ” ― Theodore Roosevelt

why did you choose your character’s song?  

— etienne has wide range of music taste, having bounced around growing up, he’s had various influences and exposures when it comes to what he enjoys listening to when he’s on his own. he really took a nose dive into rock music when he was practicing and developing his hockey skills - enjoy being on the ice and listening to / mentally playing back a power guitar riff doing a game. overall, rock music is the genre that he finds the most “ fun “ and he can be caught, embarrassingly so, doing his own little variations of air guitar. but he really fell in love with eddie van halen and truly believes he’s one of the best guitarists of all time, so van halen is one of his fav karaoke songs - not only to sing, but to simply act out.

[rachelbethhines]

Star Wars Novelizations Ranked

I’m only covering the official novel adaptations of the main saga. No spin-offs or extended universe.  

9. The Empire Strikes Back  by Donald F. Glut

I can just hear old time fans choking back gasps right now. “How can you put the best film last?” To which my answer is..

It’s not the ‘best’ film. All Star Wars films are of equal quality, no matter what the entitled ranting fanboys say  

We’re talking about the how well the books adapt the movies not the movies themselves

Going by that metric The Empire Strikes Back is easily the weakest of the bunch. It’s a basic script to prose retelling with nothing added. What you see on screen is what you get in the book. It’s serviceable, but it doesn’t take advantage of the medium. You might as well just go watch the movie again and not bother with the book. Unless you’re a completionist like me. 

8. The Last Jedi by Jason Fry

Two steps forward; two steps back. 

All Star Wars films are created equal, but not the same. They each have unique strengths and weakness to them. A job of a good novel adaptation is to smooth out those rougher edges while keeping what makes the original film good. 

The Last Jedi does some of that, like how it better explains Kylo Ren’s fall into darkness, but fails to do so in other areas, like with the pacing. Multiple subplots and multi-climaxes should work better in book form but here they noticeably drag, arguably more so than in the film. Everytime you think the story is going to end, it doesn’t. 

Then it also winds up making things actively worse than the movie. I don’t mind Rose Tico in the films. She’s arguably unnecessary, but she’s charming. The Rose in the book however I want to punch in the throat for being a self-righteous prick. Other minor characters, like the hacker and the general, are also not made any more interesting regardless of how much extra focus they get in the novel. At one point you have to ask yourself if the deleted scenes should have stayed deleted. 

7. Return of the Jedi by James Khan 

This is starting to get more on track. There’s not a whole lot of added scenes, but there’s more focus given to the characters, their inner thoughts, and how the dynamics between their relationships work. Far more so than what The Empire Strikes Back did. As RotJ pretty much hinges on these character dynamics, it makes for an interesting read. 

Though there are a few flubs as this story was written before the prequels were conceived. Like, how Obi Wan claims that Lars was his brother and not Anakin's. Or how Leia remembers hiding in a closet with her birth mother.

6. The Rise of Skywalker by Rae Carson

This reads like fan fiction. 

Now before you jump down my throat, that’s not a comment on the quality of the writing nor a judgement of the story direction. What I mean is that the very style in how it is written reads like a fanfic on A03. It’s how I would write something. 

Reading this book was like holding a mirror up to my own writing and forcing me to critically think about how I present information to my audience. What works, what doesn’t work, and what should stay in the realms of the fandom and what should be left out for wider audiences. (There’s even a typo in here and it’s so much like the kind I would make.) 

There’s not enough atmospheric detail and description. It relies too heavily on the idea that you’ve watched the films first and doesn’t treat itself as a story in it’s own right. The side characters, the ones that get like one or two lines, are expanded upon but not in any way that matters and it becomes distracting. And much like the original movie it tries too hard to be all things to all people and winds up leaving some things unfulfilled, like Rey and Finn’s unresloved dynamic for example. 

What it does do right though is expand upon the characters’ inner thoughts and feelings, adds back in needed character interactions, explains the mythology and new force concepts better than the film, and it made Rose likable again. It doesn’t fix her story, but I no longer hate her here as I did in the other  book. 

5. The Phantom Menace by Terry Brooks 

Now we’re getting into standard adaptation stuff. The Phantom Menace is no masterpiece of writing but it does tick all the boxes that are needed in a decent novelization. The world is expanded upon, deleted scenes are added in, characters are given more depth and their relationships explored more, there’s lots of nice detail to help paint a picture in your mind, ect. It doesn’t fix the midichlorians stuff though, (I just headcanon Shmi as a liar) so I’m afraid we’re stuck with that. 

4. Attack of the Clones by R.A. Salvatore

This and The Phantom Menace are on equal levels in terms of writing and are pretty interchangeable on this list. Ask me any other day and the two may very well switch. I personally think the fight scenes are a little weaker here than in the first book, but it makes up for it by fixing Padme’s and Anakin's relationship. I can barely go back to rewatch the movie because I’ve been spoiled by this book. 

3. The Force Awakens by Alan Dean Foster 

So this book is also of the same level of quality as the last two and does all that they do, but it gets an extra bonus for doing the one thing that they can’t. It actually fixes the biggest plot hole in the original film. It explains how the heck Poe manages to survive the crash and get back with the Resistance. That’s like a major plot point that they inexplicably leave out of the movie. In what is mostly a solid film, that’s like a jaw dropping anmuture mistake. 

To anyone who enjoys the new trilogy you need to read this book. It’s just better than the film. Period. 

2. A New Hope by George Lucas (Alan Dean Foster) 

The book is credited to Lucas since he did write the script to the film and this is based off his original notes, but Alan Dean Foster ghost wrote the actual novel adaptation. A fact that I did not find out until years afterwards. Of the two novelizations he’s penned for the series, I think this is the better one, hence it’s ranking. 

This story just oozes atmosphere. The detailed descriptions just pop right out at you. The analogies and metaphors are just delicious. It’s as if Charles Dickens decided to write a modern space opera and I love it!  

The fact that there are deleted scenes and old school world building that are left overs from Lucas’s rough drafts is just icing on the cake really. 

1. Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover 

You knew this was coming. If you have even a passing knowledge of these books you know that Revenge of the Sith is the highest regarded of them all and for good reason. It’s not just a good adaptation, it just damn good book. Period. 

Even if you knew nothing of Star Wars, never seen the films, never heard the memes, you could still pick this book up and enjoy it. It’s that well crafted. 

And that’s the goal of any novelization really. To be both an expansion of the original and a solid story in its own right. 

[moviegroovies]

genisys: a lighter and softer way to terminator.

i guess it goes without saying that i’ve finally given in and watched the three retconned terminator movies. i really thought i could hold out... but who was i kidding. 😔😔😔

but it was good! i mean, sort of. in comparison to the t1, t2, and dark fate, it pretty much fell flat, but compared to t3 and salvation? it was good! i think i watched salvation only a day or two before genisys (it’s been a little over a week now--why do i never write these things in the immediate aftermath of a viewing?), so i had no expectations and was pleasantly surprised to find that i actually was finding some level of enjoyment in it. 

(side note: i didn’t actually hate salvation, it was just...... Boring. and arnold, who was the absolute only saving grace for t3, wasn’t even there to carry the whole franchise on his broad, powerful shoulders.)

in my opinion, the strongest parts of the movie were generally what you’d expect. the return of arnold, obviously, was a high point. i’m pretty sure when they made genisys, it was in an effort to get away from what made t3 and especially salvation unpopular, and go back to the direct roots of the terminator saga. which, they did. pretty much literally. 

they did shot for shot remakes of quite a few scenes from the original terminator, actually--everything up until sarah and pops crash in and subvert the course of the story toward the end of kyle’s trek through the department store. and that was cool! derivative and tacky, maybe, but cool. especially because they did such a good job; i rewatched the original a couple nights ago, and it was amusing to note exactly how close a recreation it really was. like, i’ve seen terminator (1984) multiple times, but there were some details included in the genisys versions of the scenes that i didn’t even realize were in the original. i’d love to watch them side-by-side. 

other than that, there were a bunch of fun little things to love. kyle comes across a t-1000 in his trek back to 1984, which, if i’m not mistaken, accounts for the only t-1000 in the series outside of the one in terminator 2. the new (well, old) t-800, “pops,” is a fun character, and his clueless but genuine affection for sarah (he had her drawings hanging up in the bunker more than 30 years after she traveled forward in time! d’awww!) was really cute. my heart explodes every time i see arnold schwarzenegger, really, so including him was a pretty easy way to win my praises. i liked the new kyle, even though neither he nor emilia clarke looked (or acted?) ANYTHING like the characters they were supposed to be playing. also, casting matt smith as skynet was a really efficient way to make me hate it, so, kudos!

i don’t really want to focus too much on what i didn’t like about it; a lot of my criticisms aren’t actually based on any analyses of the plot, they’re just steeped in things like “jason clarke’s face pissed me off” (although the facial scarring they transferred over from the peek of john we saw in t2 was a nice touch!) and “i don’t like emilia clarke at all.” 

does anyone else think it’s funny that two completely unrelated actors with the surname clarke got cast as mother and son? anyway

one thing i will say, because i can’t not get it off my chest, is that the direction they went with sarah connor in this movie was kind of terrible. i get that they were trying to empower her, give her agency--but fuck, have you seen t2? or did you even watch the first movie to the end? sarah--even without being raised by a machine--was already a badass. somehow fucking up her childhood took AWAY all her depth. so, yeah, you got to subvert the whole “man comes back in time and protects defenseless, uninformed woman” thing from the original, which i’m not saying is necessarily a bad thing, but... why? what does this actually add to sarah connor, besides a predisposition to resenting fate--something she already picked up by the end of the franchise’s first act? 

if you want to see a really masterful subversion of that formula, love yourself. watch terminator: dark fate. 

but overall, yeah. there’s a place for genisys in my heart, even if it doesn’t fit into either of the established continuities (the t3 route or the dark fate one) in the franchise. the tone is more lighthearted than what we got in the original or salvation, although t2 and t3, but particularly t3, already marked a move away from anything grimdark-edgy, which is not a term i would ever use to describe the first installment, anyway. ultimately, though i enjoyed the flashback scenes and many parts of the movie’s plot, what sticks with me is the ending. kyle and sarah get out together, and that’s cute. more importantly, this is the only movie in the entire franchise that DOESN’T end with the death of a t-800. pops lives to fight another day! i see this whole movie as kind of a love letter to terminator as a franchise. the careful details it recalls, the return to the basics in terms of characters, the survival of the t-800; all of it says, to me, “remember why you love these movies?”

genisys is what it is. and that’s not necessarily such a bad thing.