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thealiaamir · 3 years ago

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Lilith

History:

Lilith was the original Eve, created from the same soil as Adam. Her name comes from the Babylonian “Lilitu” meaning “female demon” or “wind spirit”. When Adam insisted that he should be dominant, Lilith dared to question him. After all, they were crafted from the same Earth. She wished only to be equal, but was demonized for this. She was, thus, cast out of Eden. Allegedly, she created thousands of demon spawn and devoured infants by the bucketful. These accusations are falsehoods, crafted by those fearful of her righteous autonomy. Any havoc Lilith wrought was only out of woundedness, like the actions of a feral animal. She was shunned for speaking truth.

The “me too” movement is an expression of Lilith, where women show solidarity for the abuses they’ve suffered in silence. It is Lilith who exposes patriarchal corruption. Women become likened to banshees when they dare show rage. However, it would be limited to interpret Lilith only from the perspective of gender-based conflict. She is pure gut-instinct and extends far beyond sexual independence.

Lilith represents one’s ability to say “no” to what doesn’t feel right. She is pure root-chakra wisdom. The knowledge of the earth, muddy and messy. In one’s chart, she shows where you can become in-touch with your own body-wisdom. It’s this feeling in your stomach that says “heck yes!!!” or “this person makes my skin crawl.” Such intuition doesn’t align with left-brained, scientific modes of analysis.

The Signs/Houses:

Much like the asteroid chiron, Lilith represents a rejection wound in one’s chart. It’s where you speak your truth and no one wants to hear it. You put your heart on the line, but your desire for connection made someone cringe. You state your needs, and people ask “why do you have to be so difficult???” All you want is for someone to see the ferocious warmth beneath your intensity.

*if you have Lilith aspecting a planet, read the description for the sign it rules. Ex: sun would be Leo, Mercury would be Virgo or Gemini*

Aries/1st house: Daring to express oneself. The human embodiment of Lilith. Carnal. Someone who is known for butting heads with others. Notorious warrior. Fighting for the underdog is a part of one’s identity. Poster-boy of rejection wounds. Someone who feels like they’re “too much”, either bottling themselves up or living up to the expectation. Starting fights and then running to lick your wounds. Riling people up to get the negative attention you’re accustomed to. Truthfully, desiring authentic love that’s not based on filtering your personality into something more palatable.

Taurus/2nd house: someone who was told their desires are wrong. Being told you’re gluttonous for taking care of basic needs. Primal, all-consuming hunger. Eating disorders and shameful indulgence. A desire to consume one thing until you get sick of it. Ferociously guarding personal belongings and beliefs. Hoarding. A strong need to listing to one’s body, even if what it asks for doesn’t match conventional wisdom. Bullied for one’s weight. Earthly intuition. An unadulterated love for oneself that makes others uncomfortable. Intoxicatingly stubborn. Harsh & deep-set standards of morality.

Gemini/3rd house: saying things about people that hit a little too close to home. The thought process is primal. Knowing why people say the things they say. Reading people like a book. Ruthlessly pointing out falsehoods. Lilith is the trickster here, wearing many masks. Infamous for being inconsistent. Obsession with social dynamics, due to past rejection by “the tribe”. An outcast during school years. Extreme fear of missing out. Hiding taboo thoughts for fear of rejection. Unable to learn in a conventional fashion. Reading about the occult, depth psychology, myths, and anything else focusing on the core of human nature.

Cancer/4th house: the mother as an untamable Lilith figure. Standing up for one’s relatives. Someone with a dubious past. Mother was deemed insane or illogical. Black sheep. Feral obsession with comfort. Finding comfort in brutal honesty and ruthless emotional depth. Being deemed “impossible to live with”. High standard of living. Needing to set boundaries with one’s family and living situation. Controversial self-care. Knowing what truly matters. Fierce protector of the young and helpless. Savage goddess of the hearth. Periodic seclusion within one’s cave. Emotions take on a life of their own, going in bestial rampages.

Leo/5th house: Being ruthless becomes a game. The sin of unfiltered selfhood, becoming demonized for having fun. Toying with people’s hearts. Love/hate relationships. Compulsive validation needs. Hobbies may be taboo or the parents could’ve encouraged them to keep to themselves. Flames of desire emanate, pulsing like pyrotechnics. Rejected during childhood games. If they have kids, they’re likely the brutally honest sort. Children provide surprising bits of wisdom. This is someone who feels guilt for wanting to live a little. Unfiltered emotional expression can be too much for others. Heart swells at the slightest provocation. Needs to do what is simply in their nature, as those who matter will honor their authenticity.

Virgo/6th house: Compulsive organizational systems that seem illogical to others. Angry cleaning. Power of the gut-brain connection. Nature’s way of healing itself, clashing with the business of modern medicine. Disagreeable coworkers, or disagreeing with them yourself. Infamous at your place of work. The intestines strongly reject certain foods, so that you have to listen carefully. The diet may fluctuate daily. Acquired knowledge about nutrition and health may be of the controversial variety (carnivore diet, intuitive medicine, low oxalates, etc). Routines which may appear feral, but ground one in their body. People may take your high strandards personally, as they don’t know how to set boundaries themselves. A knot in your stomach tells you if something isn’t good for you.

Libra/7th house: Others are a mirror for the part of you that possesses unabated self-knowledge. Attracted to people ruled by irrational instinct. Must be careful to set clear boundaries in interactions with others. Compulsive need to interact and form partnerships, which may overwhelm others. Wild charm. Demonizing others. Wanting someone to teach you how to think for yourself. Partner helps you return to & nourish your body. Guttural wisdom exchanged in daily interactions. Best friend is someone incredibly grounded, who lives authentically. You demonize or idolize those who think for themselves.

Scorpio/8th house: psychoanalyzing others before they can do they same to you. A lifestyle that allows for a great deal of secrecy. Obscure & impenetrable. Unreavealing of cavernous depths of feeling, because they fear no one is brave enough to explore these shadows. Making people uncomfortable by purging every secret at once. Being abandoned once you reveal your true self. People offering “gifts” with treacherous strings attached. Unhealthy relationship dynamics- one person is running while the other is chasing. Being stalked or doing the stalking. Unearthing other’s rejection wounds. Shamanic. Concealed impulses. Instinctual need for closeness, where everything is shared. Their “soul mate” is someone ruthless.

Sagittarius/9th house: Too much to handle. Cycles of binging and purging. Living a life of excess. May attract questionable travel companions. Worldview is based on sharing hard truths to all who will listen. This is not someone who minces their words, though they’ve been told time and time again to keep their mouths shut. Their opinions are of the controversial variety, though they are rarely wrong. Arguments are a playground. Saying “no” to the religious doctrine pushed upon you as a child. A skeptic, because they know better in their gut. Higher education brings out compulsive tendencies. May confront teachers & all traditional knowledge. Tearing self-proclaimed gurus down with sharp wit.

Capricorn/10th house: Social pariah. Sex symbol. Businesses that involve female empowerment. Glitzy. Destined to become infamous. Dense and frenzied energy remains when you leave the room. Man-eater. Insatiable need for recognition, tearing one’s way through the corporate ladder. Symbol of truth. Breaking out of the box society has placed you in. The father/dominant parent may have been a “difficult” person. Lack of respect for false or corrupt authority. Innate power. “Bad cop”. Sticking it to the man. Fear of subordination. Intimidating competence and confidence. Cimmerian. Public symbol of authenticity. Honest evaluation of societal structures. Organized chaos.

Aquarius/11th house: Friendship isn’t taken lightly. May associate with controversial people. Freaks. Love/hate relationship towards humanity. Scaring aqaintances. Inundating society with knowledge they’re not yet ready for. Untethered. Jealousy towards those who meld into groups, causing them to further isolate. A reject, estranged from reality. Diabolical. Deep desire to be included. Obsession with what everyone else is doing. Violent subcultures. Strangers invading the native’s personal space, or vice versa. Electric compulsions, jolting the native out of old ways of being. These sudden consciousness shifts perturb others. Radical awareness of the body. They’ve been told to keep their visions of the future to themselves. The divine feminine is crowned in a fluorescent blue halo, lifted above the earth by undulating nimbus clouds.

Pisces/12th house: Beastial dreamscape. The Feminine Wild is both feared and revered. Fantasies of standing up for yourself. Trouble accessing your instinctive and earthy side. Conduit for collective delirium. Dissolution. Substance abuse. Ignoring instinct is your self-undoing. Surrendering autonomy. Deemed too hysterical, sensitive, and irresponsible. Freedom comes from claiming spiritual dominion. Knowing what your dreams and subconscious yearnings mean, becoming defensive when people dismiss your interpretations. Crawling out of your skin. Arcane knowledge via escapism. Odd methods of psychological mending.

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canvasofthecosmos · 5 years ago

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Lilith- Truth Coming out of Her Well to Shame Mankind

(Painting by Jean-Léon Gérôme)

History:

The Signs/Houses:

*if you have Lilith aspecting a planet, read the description for the sign it rules. Ex: sun would be Leo, Mercury would be Virgo or Gemini*

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years ago

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34. Ivory

Previous Trigger Warnings for mentions of underage/revenge porn, mentions of eating disorder Word Count: 8388

Between Grace making that post of her rapping along to Captain Hook, her saying "aye aye" to Simon in comments, and this photo of Simon's D print in the gray sweatpants, I'm starting to think he's packing a curve 👀

Simon Laurent "liked"

Commenter: He is! Did you never see the old sex tape?

Poster: The WHAT? No… But, wait… I thought that they dated in school. You mean like something that happened after that?

Commenter: They were in school, but it was online for the longest time before she snitched, so I’m sure somebody still has it out there…

Poster: That’s gross. I’m not that desperate to see it that I wanna look at some kids doing it. No thank you.

Simon Laurent “liked”

Commenter is blocked by Simon.

Grace was in the grocery store with her mother and brother, and Zasha, a white samoyed puppy that Mrs. Monroe had purchased from a breeder… to potentially train to be in competitions, and Zasha’s handler. Why did Mrs. Monroe bring Zasha into the store, just to have someone else hold her? For the same reason that the nanny was also there, tending to Montanus. “Because, that is literally what I pay them to do.” But… we’re at the grocery store and didn’t even have to BRING them! Grace didn’t argue.

However, she did wonder if she was suffering from some type of weird mid life crisis, or just a rich, bored woman whose husband was working more and more all of the time, despite supposedly getting closer to retirement. Then, she wondered if they weren’t doing so well. But, she kept those wonders to herself, as it would frighten her to know whatever the truth was if it was anything other than her mother did whatever she wanted because she could afford to.

Plus, she wanted to get out of the house, and apparently that had been reduced to tagging along with Grace at the grocery store, in case she needed help. “You’re almost 6 months, correct? How has it been? Online, one would swear that you’re Diahanne Caroll in her prime. You’ve rarely broken a sweat. Is that for your fans?”

Grace shook her head and read the label of something before putting it into her cart, “I haven’t had any problems, except for eating way more than I used to and getting gas, but those calcium chews usually help with that and I bounce right back. You know, I’ve always taken really great care of myself, think things through and pay top dollar for the finest self care. I guess that the baby is pleased with their temporary temple.” She smiled at her mom and noticed the woman looked leery. “I know… you had a very rough pregnancy with me. Believe me, I remember this fact, but I haven’t been having that experience, personally. In fact… Did you know that I’ve gained THOUSANDS of new followers since they’ve seen that I was pregnant. Pregnant people have been asking me what I use for this and for that and I’ve been plugging my brand, since we’ve got the pregnancy line now. It’s been sensational. I’ve had a blast!”

Grace had been working on a blog about her pregnancy, which she began with a video addressing all of the questions to all of the people who were not her.

“Hey, Those That Are Graced!” She’d cheered into the camera, “Happy New Year! I know that I’ve been unavailable to reach out too, and believe me, I do miss interacting with fans and followers, but I am currently not working on my career, to focus on other things in my life. Just to touch base with everyone, I feel like we’ve had this discussion before and those of you who actually respect me would definitely not need it repeated, but there have been so many new faces of possibly unfamiliar followers that I am revisiting notes that I have in all of my bios…

First, my professional life is one thing, my private life is another. I extend myself professionally, and over the past few months, even though I have not actually been working, I’ve still been spending time providing everyone with content. Please do not send messages, comments, or questions for me to any of my friends, and especially not to my family members, Hazel in particular. She is 12 and shouldn’t have adults bothering her for information that not only isn’t her concern, but isn’t your concern. She wants to be able to enjoy the limited hours of screen time that she’s allowed. That becomes difficult for her when people are asking her hundreds of questions that literally are related to her mother’s sex life.

Second, my professional life is offered at my discretion, as well. Whenever there is product that I think you should try, I will announce it. If I’m not familiar with a product or no arrangements have been made for me to try a product or I’m unaware of a product… my comments is not the place for said product. That is including everything from your all natural care supplies, book recommendations, your demos, your dance videos… Like… I LOVE receiving those things, but whenever I open my comments back up, that is not where those things go.

I have links for email addresses for avenues of business, entertainment, etc on my website, and if nothing else, my website is featured on every form of social media that I have. I am the person who goes through those emails. I am NOT the person who checks my social media messages, so you will never get a response from me through those and run the risk of me not seeing something if you send it there instead.

Third, my spaces have boundaries and moderators to enforce those boundaries. Whenever you’ve been allowed to be a guest in any of my spaces or my child’s spaces, you treat that shit like Afropunk - “No sexism, no racism, no ableism, no homophobia, no fatphobia, no transphobia, no hatefulness.” And then, since I’m not Afropunk and I have even greater needs, and can’t believe I have to say this much else: No pedophilia, no inappropriate interactions with a minor, no incestuous ideation, and no nudity. My moderators are quick, but not perfect. Your fellow guests and neighbors in my spaces should never have to see jokes about my mother and I engaged in sexual acts together, or worse, my UNDERAGE daughter, and no - Hazel and I posting a dance video is not an invitation for someone to make comments that because she might be fluid in her movements that it is sexually suggestive and if ever we find one of those headass posts where you put a photo of my beautiful daughter up, say something obscene or rude or ask, “Thoughts?” Simon finds out your IP address, sometimes more than that and he doxxes your ass. Ask around. If threats of violence or suggestions of harm are given… he might show up at your house and I don’t know what to even tell you about that one, because I’m not at liberty to say, according to the lawyers.”

She smiled, relaxed, unclenched her teeth that she realized had been clenched since she began her greater needs.

“Fourth, leave Hazel alone. She isn’t going to add you, because she is not allowed to add adults that she does not know. If you follow her public figure pages, those are for her poetry, her brand, her rapping, her artwork, her theater program, and whatever announcements she wants to share with her fans about her personal life, which is usually vague and innocent. If Hazel posts that she had a great time at the premiere of some movie, that is not the place to ask her personal questions. The place to ask her personal questions is nowhere! We don’t have a space created for strangers to ask her personal questions. She sometimes will be allowed to grant an interview, in which she will answer a professional about appropriate questions that have been approved.

Fifth, shut up about Simon! Shut up about Simon! I swear to you… In the past few years that Simon and I have been in communication and the ones that we’ve been in close communication, I KNOW that you realize that we are communicating, but that falls under my private life, which I have not created a space in the public for.

Now… you may speak with Simon about whatever things he speaks about in his private life, I can’t control that, but what I can control and do control is what he will or won’t say about me, even in HIS space. Yes. I got it like that, and what will happen, is Simon will be seeing this, and he is very good at remembering details and he will memorize everything that I’ve said here and he will respect that and enforce it, even in HIS space.

Which leads me to my last thing… There’s a lot of Esmoroth fanfolk in my spaces now and you all act a certain way in your little Esmoroth corner of the Internet… but in here, in Grace’s space, you better act like you’ve been tossed to the feet of the Idol Princess when her pheromones are igniting the internal flame of servitude. Because, we stan the Idol Princess in this space, and you’d better act right.”

After the release of the 3rd book and return of the Idol Princess aka the Future Queen, several fans were disappointed and had called Simon out for “pandering.” But, several MORE fans came around. He was competing for top spots with the YA novel greats after the 3rd book. But… that also meant more fans to be in Grace’s business.

Her New Year’s announcement remained pinned at the top of her page and the next post was text, “Oh, yeah. Last but not least, you may have noticed that I’m pregnant. I’ll be featuring some of my favorite findings on my maternity journey here, so please stay tuned if you’re pregnant, expecting, or planning, for what I think and hope will be some helpful tips for your journey!”

Most of the Esmoroth fandom didn’t like her very much, but they also “just couldn’t stay away. Aside from the Grace in Maternity blog, she still didn’t have social media open for commentary, though she did sometimes pass through Simon’s or Hazel’s comments and engaged a little bit with them. She pinned the video to other sites and then just didn’t really visit them again much.

“I could barely walk whenever I was six months pregnant. I had the finest of everything, too,” Mrs. Monroe broke into her thoughts. “Then again, I had what they now call an eating disorder for several years. I… wasn’t completely… well whenever you were announced…” she looked guilty, like she did whenever she faced her own failures as a mother. “We had to get a 24 hour nurse to keep me… healthy. By seven months, I could hardly get out of bed.”

Grace furrowed her eyebrows, “Mom… you’ve never told me that you had an eating disorder. Did you ever get help for it?”

“Help? Oh… like… whenever I had to be rushed to the hospital multiple times? Yes. I got help.”

“MOM… Did you ever heal?”

“Wait, are you asking me if I have disordered eating now? Heaven’s no, Grace. I was trapped with your father by the time you were born. I eventually realized that I had to be more… alive and well than I did flawless. We hired a nutritionist and personal chef.”

“Mom… a lot of people need psychological help for something like that.”

“And I come across to you as ‘a lot of people’? Hmph. It’s pathetic enough that I allowed myself to be so weak. I wasn’t going to beg someone to give me the strength I needed.”

“That’s not what it’s like at all…” Grace cupped her mother’s face and said, “There may be things that people need to help you with, Mom. That doesn’t make you weak or whatever else you’ve convinced yourself of. It didn’t make me weak when I needed to get help. It doesn’t make Hazel weak when she needs help…”

Mrs. Monroe waved Grace’s hands off of her face, “As long as you’re fine, have no other concerns.”

“Mom…”

“Were you done with the shopping?” Grace sighed and continued moving.

Simon was pacing, clenching and unclenching his fists. Several of the message boards, every one of his social media platforms, and even at least one of Hazel’s. He’d taken her devices away, but now she was angry and he certainly couldn’t find the words to explain beyond, “You can’t be online right now.” She was scribbling aggressively in one of her paper journals, and fuming. They both were fuming from different but related reasons.

Grace came in with her little shopping entourage and Hazel rushed to her, furiously.

“Your BOY TOY took my devices DURING screen time and REFUSES to give them back!” Grace’s eyes went wide and she turned to look at Simon, who was pacing and didn’t even seem to hear the accusation, notice that she came in or to see Monty. Something was absolutely wrong here.

“Help get the groceries and I’ll get your devices, okay?” Grace said and cupped her chin. Hazel was still breathing heavily as she stormed out towards the groceries and Mrs. Monroe settled on the couch. Grace took Simon’s hand and he was startled by her sudden touch. But, the moment he realized it was her, he let out a deep breath and wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Hey. Let’s go talk, okay?” She suggested, rubbing his back. He nodded his head, but didn’t move from the spot or lessen his hold on. She squirmed a little bit and said politely, “Oxygen, Gray Eyes..” He let up and rushed out of the room. Grace followed and watched him flop on the bed and cover his face with his fists. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“We’ve been doing SO well…” He said, shaking his head.

“We have.” So, this is something that he did wrong? “And the only way that we continue doing well is to be open and caring with each other.” He slicked back the wild hairs that weren’t pulled into his ponytail. He appeared to be in a lot of pain, but she had to get whatever this was settled. “Should I go online? Will I see what happened, if I do?” She pulled out her phone, mumbling, “I’m guessing that’s why Hazel’s stuff was confiscate-” He snatched the phone from her hands and she let out a yelp, both at the audacity and the fact that she didn’t even see him get up.

“No. I have to tell you. You can’t find out on the Internet. SHE can’t get on. She CAN’T!”

“Why can’t she? Because, she’s pretty pissed and it IS her screen time…”

“Because, the internet is relentless and unkind, and she’s too young to have to deal with how much. Not today. She’ll… I’ll… give her extra time once it's died down.”

“Tell me what’s going on, Simon.”

He frowned, “Someone brought the tape up.” At first, she was confused. Was this something about the movie? Why would he be so upset as to take Hazel’s… “And it’s recirculating again. I’ve been reporting it and fans have been reporting it and it gets taken down, but more and more people have seen it now and it’s just… too much. I don’t want her to run into it…” NOW, she understood. That tape… which… technically… it was done with a webcam, so it was never a tape, it was a recording, but… “I saw it again… not watched it, but you know, saw a portion of it whenever I was reporting it… God…” He sat down on the bed, “You’re a kid, Grace. You had the rounded face and everything…”

“Ummm… You’re a month and a day older than me, Dude.” she said, sitting down, trying to pretend that she was more calm than her heart was allowing. She could barely breathe, thinking about the feelings that just mentioning that used to bring up for her. She wasn’t sure how she might react to seeing it come up somewhere. But, maybe she should try…

She gently took her phone back, despite his struggling. One stern look and he let it go, realizing that she was determined and he was probably already in a lot of trouble, if something had been triggered. She nodded, “Yep, looks like a few people have tagged me, asking me if I saw that somebody posted it…” She went to the video and he clenched the bedspread, moving his legs uncontrollably and looking straight ahead. “You know, a lot of people used to say that you couldn’t see your face in it, that it was out of frame, but it does come into frame a few times…” she said. She paused, “See?” He shook his head. “Simon, you’re not even gonna indulge me a little bit at a time like this?”

His frown deepened and he took another long breath. She was right. SHE was the victim in this. The least he could do was take a look at his disgusting handiwork. He saw himself and he recoiled. “You were a kid, too,” she said. “Sure, at the time, this hurt more than anything my brain can recall. But… I do know, as a grown ass woman, you were wrong and also were a child. Both of those things can be accurate.”

“We’re only a few years older than Hazel, there. If some kid did something like this to her… I would…”

“I would hope that you’d remember that you were their age once and just as bad.”

“Is… is that how you would react?”

“Oh, hell no. I’ve never done anything like this. I’d kill that fucking kid. But, you would have to be the adult that fucking pulls me off of him…” She laughed and scratched at his beard, “But, nothing like this will happen to Hazel. She’s a good judge of character and we know all of her friends.”

“Your parents knew me too, and I think that they’re pretty good judges of character. Your mom at least. She always knew that I was rotten.”

“No she didn’t! She knew that you weren’t rich, and in her head those two things were the same thing. She knew that you were controlling, and she thought that I was going to sacrifice myself for you, but she didn’t think that you were going to straight up try to assassinate my entire character.” He looked away from her, “And NOW, you are very diligent in making sure that you aren’t crossing any lines, with me and with Hazel, my mother, my father, and I think people in general. This wasn’t long enough ago that it’s not hurtful to think about… but it was long enough ago to not beat yourself up over. But… It is a burden that you designed. So, it’s only right that you explain to Hazel exactly why she shouldn’t be online right now.”

Hazel took it so much better than she had taken him taking away her computer and phone. “Are you serious? I’ll just avoid social media. You KNOW I don’t wanna see anything like that, myself, but I already knew that it existed out there somewhere.” She shook her head, “I don’t like the way you look with clothes ON, think I’d run the risk of seeing you without them?”

Grace suggested, “Is there anything else you want to say to him? Maybe about how you broke the news to me when I got home?”

“Oh..” Hazel flared her nostrils and rolled her eyes, “Sorry I called you Mom’s Boy Toy… You kinda are, but I shouldn’t say it…”

Simon laughed, mostly because he was relieved that she wasn’t scarred by him having to talk to her about this video resurfacing. “You kidding? I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt.”

“No cap? Because I have SO many where that came from.”

“We’ve gotta brainstorm.”

“Simpsona T-shirts can be your new thing…” And just like that, Grace watched them be best friends again. Hazel could get mad and stay mad for a long time, but she didn’t like to argue, so even whenever she got mad, she tended to stay to herself until she wasn’t. The two of them left to go sit on the swing set outside of the house they were renting, and Grace sat by her mom on the couch.

“I don’t even want to know what that was about.”

“Cool, because I wasn’t gonna tell you.”

“You don’t have to. One of your “boy toy’s” fans will.” Grace laughed and then threw her head onto her mom’s shoulder. The woman gasped at first, taken aback by the show of affection, but then placed her hand on Grace’s. “You’re a very good mother to both of them. You’ll be a good one to that one too.” she pointed her free hand at Grace’s belly.

“Did you just…?”

“Come on, you��ve been raising yourself a man since you met him and I’ll stand by that forever. Might get it engraved on my headstone.”

Grace cackled, “I absolutely AM NOT raising him!”

“He is literally a life sized puppy that went through a rebellious phase where he kept biting you!”

“Well, I finally realized that I have the power to curve that behavior… and trust me, Mom… It’s not something you’d do with somebody you’re raising.” Grace stuck her tongue out.

“Get off of me you scoundrel!” Her mother joked. Grace just laughed and held on tighter. The woman put her arm around her. “Are you okay, Darling?”

“Whenever I was hurt or scared as a little girl, I was more afraid of admitting it to you and Daddy. I would be more hurt by the thoughts of how little you would think of me if I openly showed imperfection. Not feeling that way took a long time and a lot of work. So, now, if I have a hard day, I’m not too proud to lay on my mommy and say so.” She looked to gauge her mother’s reaction. She was always speechless whenever Grace got emotional.

She’d never learn past those suppressing ways and it amazed Grace that her mother didn’t realize how much her and Simon were alike in that way. Simon had to work really hard at it and her mother was too proud and pampered to put in such effort. But, whenever Grace booped her nose, the woman’s eyes flickered amusement, ever so slightly. Now, she pushed Grace off of herself and opened her arms to receive Montanus. “Take a photograph of me with my children,” She told the nanny. “One with the two human ones, then we’ll add the new fur baby…”

She still hadn’t made any announcements about her status with Simon, nor had she spoken about her pregnancy outside of the maternity blog by the time Valentines’ Day rolled around. But, one thing that she did was allow for Simon to share maternity photos. That was her “gift” to him.

There. Were. Tons.

Simon took photos of everything. He had a copy of every ultrasound. He had an electronic journal of every detail that came up. So, whenever he posted the album “Countdown to Ivory’s Arrival,” he had more photos than most of the fans were probably going to look through. Therefore, he left many of them private, with only close friends able to view, and the ones that were public were his favorites of the candids of Grace being pregnant and gorgeous, some of the ones from photoshoots that she would post, and the professional maternity photos that they had taken so far. They took some each trimester, as a family.

The ones at her three month mark were taken in New York, early November (around their anniversary, whenever he was in town. They had fall colors and all three of them were absolutely stunning. Hazel was impressed with how well that Simon cleaned up, so much that whenever he showed her older photos of himself, she thought he was a different person. She had no idea how right about that she was. Simon being both subservient and also a mega diva himself was absolutely salivating every time Grace did something, but also, it was him who insisted, "We have to have a photoshoot each trimester, each with a different theme.” She agreed on the trimesters, but wasn’t feeling the theme part so much. She told him that they could simply have the season be the theme.

They had three changes of outfits for each set. Grace had a gown made much like the one that she had worn to the fall festival in 9th grade (the one that the Idol Princess’ gown was very heavily based on, the one that Simon had taken photos of her in, getting her first beauty deal underway), one that Simon saw her in and immediately began crying. “You’re… gonna ruin the photos,” Hazel told him.

There were candid ones of him crying. Her favorite was one where he was crying, Grace was trying to comfort him and Hazel dropped in front of them, bombing it with a prison pose and her tongue out. She had on a yellow pantsuit with fall leaves in her hair, her signature look being wearing leaves in her hair. Simon’s yellow suit was similar to hers, but way more expensive and the red accents, instead of the orange ones that Hazel elected.

The orange outfits were Hazel in orange overalls, Grace in a romper and Simon in a jumpsuit that Hazel insisted was “the most expensive prison wear in the world.” The red ones were regal matching dress attire, Grace in a two piece dress to show off her belly, Hazel in the same floor length evening gown, but one piece, and Simon in a red suit, made of the same material. Hazel’s hair was down and flowing. Grace’s was gathered up, with most of her afro pulled forward, cascading out of the jeweled red head dress she wore, and Simon’s usually (these days) flowing hair was pulled into a ponytail, with the undercut showing. He was generally self conscious about it, but Hazel put little red jewels over his scar, so even though he was still anxious about his hair, he was proud of her accessorizing enough that he wanted to confidently show it off.

The six month ones were taken in January, and done in all white, which Hazel said, “Looks fabulous on mom and me, but you look like the abominable snowman,” to Simon, on the day of. They were in California by that time, but took a little trip to the mountains because the Monroes had property there that Simon remembered had beautiful scenery that he wanted to have family photos at.

They did all white shots and winter blues.

Whenever Simon posted them on Valentines’ Day, Hazel joked in the comments, “I still say that we need to crop your face out.”

People loved the maternity photos, noticed that Grace did NOT have any on her page and she didn’t comment or react to any on Simon’s page. (Yes, these people pay entirely too much attention to the lives of celebrities that they didn’t even KNOW), but someone did some investigating and found Grace’s pregnancy blog. So… even though that was mostly a completely different following, others stormed into the space, thinking that FINALLY, some place where Grace has actually been interacting and will interact with us. She literally ignored anybody that wasn’t asking about helpful tips for their own pregnancy or giving her helpful tips and the title changed from, “Grace in Maternity” to “Y’all Can See This is a Mommy Blog, Right?”

A few people were seething, but funny enough, Grace’s faithful mommy following were more along the lines of, “Wait… You’re FAMOUS, Monroe Mommy???” After that, she had a hoard of moms check out her other life. She enjoyed having more of them in her fan base, though she also had a lot of ones who had always known being like, “Y’all seriously didn’t know Grace Monroe?” and her favorite quote ever on that blog, “Hell, her album is the reason I AM pregnant!!!”

Meanwhile, Simon had been less likely to play around with any of the fans ever since the video thing. He’d made that very clear, and then sort of stopped interacting with them. He didn’t even go through to like people’s comments anymore. Some of them would say things like, “Whoever resurfaced that video, if we find you, it's on sight for making Simon hate speaking with us!”

Sometimes a person would “Lol” and contend, “He’s too busy working on the Esmoroth movie. He’s not here because of the movie not some fuzzy sex tape from years ago.”

Those were the only ones that he’d respond to just to say, “No, they’re right,” and nothing else.

He wasn’t as busy on the Esmoroth movie as he intended to be. He was working on more tech and models for the movie than any other movie things. For one thing, the script was being adapted, and casting was hard. The casting director wanted to get a different type for the Idol Princess, but Simon was extremely firm and clear that the Idol Princess HAD to look exactly as described in the book. “There are parts of the story that are directly related to her looking the way that she does.”

“We can adjust those parts,” the director had said, hoping to appease him.

“The Idol Princess looks like my childhood best friend. Her look is non negotiable,” he had told them. They didn’t believe in non negotiable, apparently, because the girls that were being considered were all much too light. Whenever Simon had rejected them all, they informed him of those girls’ filmographies and their agents and other people said agents represented.. “Maybe they have that type of record because people are hiring them for roles that were meant to be for someone else. Just… give me all of the call sheets for girl characters who auditioned.”

He went through and disqualified half on looks alone (not to say that they weren’t pretty children or whatever, but they didn’t look like the Idol Princess). Whenever he had the stack of dark skin girls, he went through, checking their filmographies and auditions.

He asked Hazel for her opinion and she suggested a name that he recognized from his rejected stack. He pulled it back up and looked at the light skinned girl in the photo, "Do you mean this girl, Hazel?" He wondered.

"Yes! She's a really good actress!"

He furrowed his eyebrows and pointed out, "But she doesn't look like the Idol Princess. The Idol Princess has dark brown skin, tightly coiled hair, full nose and lips, and dark brown eyes. This girl has none of those things."

Hazel shrugged her shoulders, "She's really good though."

"Well… maybe some of these other girls are really good and people just don't want to see them in stuff like this."

Hazel frowned and she asked, "Are you accusing me of favoring her because she's got features like mine?"

"No. I'm just saying that she doesn't look the part. You're usually really good about that kind of thing, Haze."

"Well… I don't know anybody in the age range that looks like the description of the Idol Princess." She folded her arms, "But like you said, maybe that's because people take the easy way out and just get the pretty Black girl that they know of to play a part instead of being true to characters. I've definitely read more books with dark skinned girls than I've seen in movies…"

"Here are some of my choices," he said and spread the sheets out before her. "I think this one has the look, but I think this one had a better audition. BUT, she was auditioning for a background character and this one was auditioning for the Wicked Heiress. Maybe she just didn't have that role in her and should audition for the Idol Princess, so we can know for sure.."

"I think that maybe they should all audition for the Idol Princess again. What if they just didn't believe it would be realistic that they'd get offered a job like this, especially if bigger stars are being considered? Sometimes, I have to talk kids into auditioning for our productions because they're worried that the same actors will win out anyway."

He gave her a side smile, "I think you're onto something, Haze."

Hazel sent out the invites for Grace’s baby shower. Unfortunately, all of Grace’s friends lived elsewhere, so it would be an expensive trip. Fortunately, they had money, so the Monroes could foot the bill for everyone who didn’t just have the means to travel across country for an event.

Meta flew in with Damita from New York the previous week, but he made some business plans to collab with a Cali artist that week, so he was working, as well. Meanwhile, Damita and Grace were spending the week reconnecting and chilling. Shana and Iza came in from Atlanta the night before. Gharrisahn was already in LA for work, so she would swing by the day of. Grace’s parents arranged for Mikayla and Tulip to come down. They were in coach on the same flight that Lucy’s and Lindsay’s moms and they were in first class, so they’d all meet the driver upon landing.

Hazel had on a headset, along with Simon’s assistant and Grace’s assistant, because Hazel had arranged the shower and she wanted to make sure that things went how she meant for them to.

Grace was in a custom made gown that was inspired by Book 3 of Esmoroth and Simon had been at her side simply staring at her for the entire time she had it on. It had been a surprise. A very nice one that he apparently loved. She hired the costume designer for the movie to make her several pieces, but this one was like the one that the Idol Princess resurrects in. Grace was now hip to the lore enough, mainly from paying attention to Hazel’s ravings, and her and Simon’s movie chat.

For the most part, Grace didn’t want to have a shower. All of her friends lived elsewhere, the baby was due sort of close to Hazel’s birthday and she still wanted Hazel to be able to have a party - which she doubted would be able to happen if she waited until after they were born, so she wanted to have Hazel’s birthday party, INSTEAD of a shower and Hazel said, “How about you just worry about slaying everybody in your peak perfection pregnancy, and I’ll take care of the shower?”

With the financial backing of GlamMother, her dad’s big brain, and her own penchant for moments and aesthetics, Hazel tended to be very good at making things come together. She even produced some choreography (Doereography, as she called her pieces), for her and her mother to perform, because, yes, Grace was good and swollen by May, but she also could still do mostly everything that she was doing before with that additional bundle. It did throw her balance off a little and she couldn’t lift Hazel at the moment, but she kept up with every step of the Irish step dancing that Hazel put into the choreo, and she absolutely could still nail every Haitian movement. Hazel wanted to make a birthday choreo with ties to her heritage, and Grace was always very supportive of her doing anything that made her feel connected to her identity.

For good measure, Hazel looked up cultures from Grace and Simon’s heritages too. She was most accustomed to American jazz/hip hop and ballet. She started at 6, with Grace and when they were apart, Grace used to make instructional videos and post them just for Hazel. Whenever she was 10, she started to tap, and all of the other things in between, she and Grace perfected, and whenever she really wanted to nail something, they’d call in a world class trainer.

Hazel felt that a world class trainer was needed for the baby shower. Grace very much so disagreed. So, Hazel got her grandmother to get them. “Next time, simply come to me first,” the woman had said.

Hazel opened up with one of her raps. Her mom’s friends (as always) got their entire lives whenever she would flow - which was possibly the reason that she honed her talent, if she thought about it - and even Simon would be into the groove with things. He didn’t have the best rhythm, but he certainly always looked way taken up with her talent. Grace bouncing around with a round belly was everything in the world to Hazel, and when she was done, she waddled over to hug her.

They played games, did some traditional shower things and some new things too, that Hazel consulted with celebrity event planners for. When it was time for gifts, Grace froze, looking at the way that everything flowed. It was like her 16th birthday again and she felt like she might have a panic attack. “Grace… It’s okay,” Simon said. She looked at him on the other side of the tete a tete and he smiled, “I learned my lesson. This is straight up simply tribute.” He kissed her on the forehead and she calmed down to receive gifts and cry about everything, but manage to not look ugly doing so, because no matter how comfortable she had gotten over the years, that was still engrained in her as a huge no-no.

Winding down from the party, she found Hazel and her friends at the photo booth, having switched out their baby shower outfits for their birthday party outfits. “Where’s Simon?”

“Bullying people about their gifts,” Hazel said nonchalantly.

“Oh God…” Grace raced over and smiled, “Hey… what’s uh… what’s going on?”

Mrs. Monroe stood behind Simon with her arms folded and Mr. Laurent was in front of them. Simon answered, “Well, I’m giving people things back that went against the specifications for the list.”

“I don’t remember making specifications for the list.”

“You wouldn’t, because you didn’t, I did. You aren’t particularly great at meticulous things and you don’t pay attention whenever I’m telling you plans like these,” Simon said.

“We’re not gonna send a gift back with the person who gave it to us.”

“What are we gonna do, donate it to charity? Because I am not putting this together for our baby. This company uses…”

“Thank you, Mr. Laurent. Thank you for coming and thank you for this gift.” She gave the man a pat on the hand and smiled at Simon. He was still frowning, along with her mother. “You’re backing him up, now?” She got flashbacks of whenever they used to gang up on her and she was very salty that she had to defend MR. LAURENT of all people against the devastating team and Simon and her mother could be.

“He specifically said nothing from that company ON THE LIST,” her mom said, beginning a tirade against this man, with her and Simon taking turns on letting him know exactly how he’d fucked up.

“Their product is cheap and substandard.”

“They’ve decimated the supply of the people in the area they harness things from TO make cheap product.”

“And they use slave labor!”

“Child slaves.”

“OKAY! Okay… That’s a good company to boycott. But hear me out… Mr. Laurent is a simple man who shops at like three places and definitely doesn’t look up things like that,” Grace said.

To which Simon and Mrs. Monroe both reminded her, (loudly) “It was on the list!”

“I made it clear which companies we weren’t accepting gifts from!”

“It’s already bought.” Simon was going to continue complaining, but Grace took his hands and placed them on her belly and he immediately softened up and stared at it. “This is the most important thing, right?”

He looked up at her and cupped her face, shifting himself to touch foreheads with her. Hazel appeared out of nowhere to bomb the photo that they weren’t even expecting Lucy to take.

“Wait, that was it?” Grace wondered. Let’s be clear… she did go through a lot of pain and it was a tough time in the birthing house, even with Simon right beside her and Hazel, her mother and her best friend nearby. But… it felt like there should be something else happening or that something was missing, that she had neglected something, or like something didn’t happen that was supposed to.

She supposed that she had simply set her expectations so deeply into the thought of pain, struggle, blood, sweat and tears, that when it came… her imagination had actually run wild. Simon had kept telling her she was doing well and how he was proud of her and other affirmations. He was holding the baby now while she was being cleaned up.

“Did everything happen?” Grace asked.

Hazel went over the checklist with her. Yes. Everything happened. “Did I pass out?” No. She was awake. She was there for every grueling minute. It just was a different experience for her than what her mother described, than what she read and interpreted.

The professionals explained to her how her birthing went relatively well, what to do next, etc. Charlotte, from the center, even talked to her about how it’s not only different for everyone, but how all four of her own pregnancies and births were different from the last. Grace was expecting something terrible to happen within the first few days, just because it didn’t seem like everything had happened! The paranoia died down on day 3 and she simply was back to cuddling with her new baby.

They looked like her, so far. Hazel made them a stuffie of a potato in a diaper… the baby just looked like a potato. She didn’t know how else to express that. Simon worshipped them. He was constantly holding them whenever Grace wasn’t. He was close by whenever she fed them. He took so many photos on his phone that within days, he surpassed all of the ones he had of Monty from the past several months.

NONE of those were going online any time soon. Grace had only posted a few days after giving birth her experience with having done so. She bounced back so quickly and looked so effortlessly beautiful that some people were claiming that she had been trolling and was never actually pregnant. She found that funny, but it also was her cue to duck away from the Internet for a while again.

The first month of Ivory’s life, they were for the most part a quiet baby. Simon frequently worried that something was wrong, checking, rechecking, then coming back and checking again that they were breathing, awake, happy, etc. Grace was more like, “You’re so gross. Look at you! Drooling all over everything. Little slobbery monster!” She spoke in a high pitched voice that made Ivory smile and kick their little legs around.

“GRACE! Don’t say that!” Simon insisted. “You’re gonna make them feel bad.”

“No way! Ivory’s a tough little cookie, like their Mama. I gonna bite you, Cookie! Mama gonna bite you!” Then she playfully nibbled at their feet and hands.

Simon studied the baby for a while and determined, “They seem to be enjoying it.” He would then relax a little.

Hazel was the only person allowed to post photos of Ivory, and comments were always closed. The first one was on Hazel’s birthday. She was in a sundress, tanned a little more than usual and Ivory and she had on matching rompers and sunhats. “Ivory came 13 days before my 13th year. They really said, “I’ma be 13 too, Sis.” Look at them. Tiny. Tiny Potato. Sis has your back for life. #taurustribe #jk #idcboutthat #MonroeSibs #Doetography #HouseLaurent

And there it was. All that anyone needed to see. You honestly couldn’t tell what the baby looked like, but how could anybody doubt Hazel’s hashtag “House Laurent?”

Simon sort of liked having a private family. He wasn’t sure why he had been so eager to have people acknowledge things before. Even one year ago, he needed for somebody, anybody to know that he slept in the same bed with Grace Monroe. He needed for her to say “I love you.” He needed to hear Hazel call him “dad.” He still loved those things, but he had everything he could have ever wanted… it just looked different than he thought it would.

Why did he want to “take care of” Grace for so long? She was caoable of taking care of herself, probably better than he was of himself. She had talents (was ALREADY back to working on new dances with Hazel and new music), qualities… God… that smile made him weak… She had several other things too, but if he sat there making a list, he’d be there for a while, and he COULDN’T be there for a while, because Ivory was six weeks old and Grace told him that he could take them with him to work.

He began strapping the baby into the stroller… “Are you… where are you trying to take my baby?” Grace asked.

“My calendar says that they’re six weeks old. I can take them to work with me.”

Grace put her hands on her hips and Simon frowned. “You said it. I have a recording of you saying it.”

“Well, I said that we shouldn’t take them anywhere before six weeks…”

“And I set my calendar,” Simon completed the thought and pulled the diaper bag onto his shoulder. “Abigail is bringing Monty, so they’ll have a play date.”

“Oh, she is?” Grace asked, toweling herself down. “Hold on. I’m coming.”

“Grace, I’m gonna be late!”

“I’m not letting you go be a Daddy sized snack with TWO cute babies on you with a cute, perfect bodied nanny with no friends!”

“I don’t think she’s all that cute and I have no idea what her body looks like!”

“It doesn’t look like she pushed a baby out of it six weeks ago!”

“NEITHER DOES YOURS!”

She came into the room, changed up and smiling, “Awww. That’s so sweet.”

“How did you?” She looked perfect. She looked perfect and she couldn’t have taken any longer than five minutes. And she thought she had anything to worry about? But, he wasn’t complaining. If he had Grace and the baby around, that was just better, all around.

“I’m staying here,” Hazel told them and continued dancing in the mirror.

Grace was standing on the scooter, with Simon behind her, sporadically kissing her on the neck every now and then, making her smile and gush. Whenever they pulled into the studio Simon took the baby out, which Grace noticed was wearing an oversized heather gray, “Proof he got lucky with Grace Monroe” onesie. “Simon! What did you…?” She gasped and saw that he had a shirt, the same color that read, “I got lucky with Grace Monroe.”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to be here today!” Simon told her.

“How many shirts and onesie sets did you buy?”

“Not a lot. I bought WAY MORE t-shirts than I did onesies.” She fell behind a little and the back of that man’s shirt said “Grace’s Babydaddy.”

“Simon…”

“In my defense… You were right there whenever I walked out of the house wearing it.” She laughed. “It’s just in the studio. I’m working on some mechanics. There’s not gonna be cameras on me or anything.” She was still pouting. “I know that you’re super secretive, but I’m sure that most of the people who give a damn about what we do already know that this is indeed my baby…”

“It’s not that.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Ugh. I wanted to do this whole reveal thing for you on Sunday! I was gonna make this long, sweet post and open my comments and EVERYTHING. Now, I feel like it won’t have the same effect…” His eyes were already all watery, just from her THINKING about doing so.

“Sunday is Father’s Day…”

“Yeah. I can keep my own secrets. Not tell people about my pregnancy or who I bone or how I share time with my daughter or whatever, but I didn’t plan on making you stay in the shadows of my spotlight for the rest of our lives, especially when it comes to this. You’ve been an immense pain in the ass, but you’re a wonderful father and I figured it’d be a good… coming out of sorts for me to acknowledge that on that day.”

He cradled Ivory closely, “You can still do that.”

“Well, you’ve announced it all over your clothes and also… I just told you the entire plan!”

“I love knowing plans!” Simon said. “Here.” He took off the shirt and threw on his hoodie, which it was too hot for and then they changed the baby’s onesie too. “I sort of want to eat it up whenever people actually find out from you that I am indeed, who you bone.” She laughed. “This is the best spoiled surprise that I’ve ever had!”

“Well… I didn’t tell you ALL my plans, so there’s still stuff to look forward to.”

“Yeah?” He asked, casually as they walked inside.

“Mmm hmm.”

“Can I have a hint?”

“Something that starts with the letter P.” Simon turned red and she smiled brightly.

“Uh. Didn’t put THAT on your calendar, did you?”

His lip dropped, “I DIDN'T!” He frowned, “In my defense… we don’t really do that enough for it to have been something I was counting down to.” He smirked, “But every time we do…” He raised his eyebrows and smiled at her. She bit her lip and shook her head, “Nope. Sunday. You aren’t gonna beard break me, Mr. Laurent.”

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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melisa-may-taylor72 · 5 years ago

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Queen's hectic days in Argentina: secrets behind the shows, the meeting with Maradona and a love affair for Freddie Mercury

The band arrived in the country in 1981. Curiosities and "pearls" of a very special visit

By Matías Bauso- Infoshow

An exultant and provocative figure, who may appear in tight white pants provocatively exposing his ass to a heated audience or who sits at the piano with a very short and tight satin pants that would blush the most enthusiastic devotee of sadomasochism, a guitarist who plays in a t-shirt with an immense Union Jack, crazed masses, street chases in search of an improbable autograph, China Zorrilla, Miguel Romano, Diego Maradona, ItalPark, the military, the repressive climate, the Rambla marplatense and even an unknown love affair. This story has everything. Queen's visit to Argentina in 1981 was much more than a musical tour.

Queen's enthusiasm - both current and retro - is a faint reflection of what happened in the country at the end of February 1981. Like the Beatlemania in the sixties, the presence of the English quartet unleashed a collective madness never before seen in Argentina.

▪Queen at Velez Sarsfield Stadium

Queen monopolized the attention for more than a week. Television news, radio programs, magazine covers, conversations in bars, newspaper supplements (not so the covers of the main ones: at that time it was still not allowed to put show business news on the cover; only Chronicle excepted for that rule).

The band led by Freddie Mercury gave five concerts in Argentina. Three in the Vélez stadium, one in Mar del Plata and another in Rosario. The public success was colossal.

The first performance was on February 28 in Velez, repeated the next day, then stop in Mar del Plata and Rosario. The last show was again in Buenos Aires. That day the capacity of the stadium overflowed. The contagious reaction had taken effect. Those who had not gone, wanted to go; those who had already witnessed some of the shows wanted to be there again.

▪Queen gave five shows in Argentina

The regulations of the spaces in the public spectacles, in those times, were at least, morose. Just look at the photos of any grandstand in a superclassic of the early 1980s. Producers sold more tickets and that fifth show was the busiest. It is estimated that between those who paid for their tickets and those who snuck in more than 60,000 people attended that night. At one point the capacity The crowd could barely move. Whoever reached into the pocket to take out the lighter for a cigarette could set in motion a human tide that would end up crashing into a paravalanche or the barbed wire. In the field, the situation was a little more relaxed. Being the first experience in which this section was offered for sale, the estimates were more cautious. Thus, the police decided that the best way to decompress the people was to drill holes in the Olympic fence and allow part of the public to pass into the field through these improvised holes.

The magnitude of the event and its immense repercussion can be explained. It was the first time that a rock band had reached the country at the peak of its career. These shows were part of the world tour to present the album "The Game". Queen was one of the most important bands in the world and arrived in Argentina at its peak.

Although the specialized critics did not treat them very well (it was a habit that had started in the United Kingdom and had spread to the United States) the album contained several hits: Another One Bites the Dust, Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Play the Game, Save Me. The British band was a pioneer in including Latin America in their itinerary. Until then the world tours were not such, they only included the United States, Europe and Japan.

The history of Queen's Latin American tour shows why this was so. In Mexico, six of the scheduled performances had to be cancelled, Pinochet did not authorize the performance in Chile, in Brazil the Rio and Porto Alegre shows were suspended, and in Venezuela two more due to the official declaration of mourning for the death of an ex-president. However, the band's bet, beyond these improvisations, unthinkable today, (in times of presales, early birds, insurance and armies of lawyers), was more than successful.

There was a precedent in the country of an international star appearing in a stadium. In 1973 the Mexican guitarist Carlos Santana played with his band in old wooden stadium of San Lorenzo. But despite his reputation and fame, Santana did not have the repercussion of the English band and at that moment in his career his musical search was turning towards fusion, towards jazz-rock. The lack of experience made the stage stand in the middle of the arena and there was no audience in the field. The closest spectator was, hopefully, 40 meters away from the artists. The sound - the lack of it - was another problem.

In 1981 Queen came to the country with only that antecedent. The show they brought was unlike anything seen in the country. A huge stage, consoles of moving lights, an impressive sound power, fireworks and tricks, a worked scenic staging, immortal hymns and a performer like Freddie Mercury.

Queen's vocalist's ability to perform - but especially on stage - exceeded expectations. There he was, in front of more than 50,000 people, imposing the rules. What he wanted was at stake. A game that had no public exposure in the country, that was silenced and repressed. He did not modify his proposal despite the repressive climate, the censorship. One of the particularities of his performances in the country was that at the five of them they played a song that was somewhat lost in their discography and that many Argentinians did not know: Get Down, Make Love. It was a carnal, erotic and explicit song, with direct references to oral sex.

▪Diego Maradona and Queen

Queen did not show any major itching in regards to those who ruled in the places where they performed. This South American tour was a good example; in its initial schedule it passed through three countries governed by dictatorships. Years later it was also presented in South Africa despite international sanctions due to Apartheid.

It is often claimed that Queen's musicians met with Argentina's president, Roberto Viola. The truth is that Viola had not yet assumed that role. He was a member of the military board, Chief of the Army, but the president was still Jorge Rafael Videla. His investiture would take place weeks after the visit of the British.

Viola had a more political profile and believed that a slight opening was convenient. In that plan, and instigated by his son -who had been a football player-, he met at home with Freddie Mercury, Brian May and John Deacon. Roger Taylor, the drummer, missed the appointment. Today, almost four decades later, many affirm that his absence was due to his political positions, even though he neither at that time nor now has issued any opinion on the matter.

▪ The band met with Roberto Viola, one of the members of the Military Board

The memories of several of those involved - members of the band, technical staff, manager and even the photographer - are impregnated with political valuations that seem to have been concocted with the passage of time and do not represent what they thought and felt at the time. If so, it can be said that they had a unique capacity for dissociation, almost constituting multiple personalities. The presence of military and police personnel was strong. That was because the arrival of the English band had unleashed an excitement rarely seen. Every movement, every displacement was followed by hundreds or thousands of fanatics. And no one wanted any disturbance to happen or the musicians to do any harm.

The repressive vocation of the Argentine military forces of those times does not need to be underlined or exaggerated. For example, the correspondent of the American Rolling Stone magazine described the ditch that separates the South stalls from the playing field at the Stadium as a key to the Argentine dictatorship.

This interpretative excess (most of the Argentine stadiums built in the forties and fifties have a ditch) is combined with certain data, with images of police and military forces repressing whoever approaches the musicians, violently liberating their path. Around the Sheraton Hotel, teenagers stood guard to try to and get in touch with their idols.

▪ Another of the Argentine magazines that showed the presence of the group in the country

In Mar del Plata, the musicians stayed at the Provincial Hotel. Freddie Mercury's movements were limited. Enclosed in his room, the best in the hotel, he let time pass watching the movement of the Rambla from the window. So it was that one afternoon, that habit turned into a love split. His partner at the time, Peter Morgan, offered him to go shopping around the city. Freddie explained that it would be impossible for him to go ten meters without being buried under the youthful enthusiasm. A couple of hours later, the artist saw from the window of his room his partner talking to a young man on the Rambla. The jealousy was immediate and so was the breakup, despite the fact that Morgan denied that he was the one who was walking with another young man on that Mar del Plata sunset.

This concert was the worst of the five. The security was very bad, thousands of people entered the stadium without tickets, the mounted police attacked the public in the same field of play of the World Cup Stadium. To continue the tour, the musicians demanded that the security issue be adjusted. The condition was fulfilled.

▪ There were strong police operations to “protect” the band

The press and the local public were dazzled by the performance of the quartet. The visual proposal was unique, Freddie's vocal and histrionic abilities, May's musical skills, the solvency of the rhythmic base, the impact of the staging. However, international critics still treated the group with disdain. The Rolling Stone critic gives them no more merit than a pub band. He even mocks their incompetence. Only the dedication in each show and the enthusiasm of the Argentine public stand out. One of the events that most surprised the local public, beyond the almost perfect succession of invincible hits, was Mercury's display and magnetic attraction. The local rock leaders were static, even somewhat modest.

As their stay in the country continued, the musicians received more and more affection from the public. They were amazed by the reaction of their fans to each song, how they knew the lyrics, how they participated enthusiastically and actively in the show. The peak was unfailingly produced in Bohemian Rapsody and, almost on the other side of that opulent and operatic work: Love of My Life was played with Freddie on the piano and Brian on the guitar. The audience sang the entire lyrics, without pauses. In the video recordings of the song you can see the mixture of surprise and joy of May and Mercury.

For the last concert of the tour in the country, they returned to the Vélez stadium. In the encores came the surprise. Freddie re-entered with the Argentine National Team shirt and addressed the audience in English: "I want to introduce you to a friend of yours: Maradona". The pirate recordings allow you to hear the roar of the crowd, you even hear some "Maradooo, Maradooo". Diego with his tight, high curls came on stage with sweatpants and a blue t-shirt. The footballer spoke fluently: "I want to thank Freddie and Queen for making me so happy. And now “Another bites the dust”.

Deacon and Taylor start Another One Bites the Dust, the group's latest hit. Then would come the famous photos in the locker room. Freddie with the light blue Argentine T-shirt from Diego (in the show he used another one), and Maradona with a T-shirt with a big British flag that covered all his torso, similar to the one worn by Brian May in some part of the concert. That photo, would have been unimaginable a year later (Fauklands's War). At the time of the concert, although today it seems unreal, Queen was better known worldwide than Maradona.

▪ Miguel Romano, one of the stylists of the moment, together with the musicians

Journalist Juan Manuel Cibeira says that in a barbecue at the Argentine producer's house, Mercury announced that he would go out with the Argentine t-shirt. The Argentines present tried to dissuade him. They had a hard time explaining the situation to him. Rock and football in those days were two worlds that in Argentina had no point of intersection. For the rock people, football was something without brightness, without any evaluation. Any reference to it or the adoption of any of its rites or symbols was frowned upon. Mercury, more accustomed to the crossing of these two popular passions by what he saw in England, did not listen to the advice. And, in this way, he produced one of the first contacts between football and rock in the country, a situation that became naturalised in the mid-nineties.

Maradona was not the only local celebrity who came into contact with Queen. In Youtube circulates a video of an interview that the actress China Zorrilla did to Freddie Mercury. The Uruguayan actress in perfect English speaks about the answers of the singer, monologue, almost does not ask questions and forgets the simultaneous translation, thus a bizarre truncated dialogue of more than three minutes in English takes place in central time.

Local Journalist Juan Alberto Badía, on the other hand, was the one who interviewed the musicians for Channel 9, which broadcasted the first live concert for the whole country and for Brazil ( it made very high rating peaks). The presenter was also the one who introduced them in the stadium. In the magazines of the time you can also see how the stylist Miguel Romano cut Mercury's hair before the last show and how in his free time, Brian May took his family to Ital Park, playground where several generations of citizens spent their childhood.

Queen's five concerts in the country marked an era, pioneering the arrival of great rock figures to Argentine stadiums. Many years would pass, the monetary convertibility and a much more global structure of the record business so that international stars would take the country as a reasonable place for their presentations.

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gg-astrology · 5 years ago

Note

When are you gonna finish the seventeen series? 😩

I love them too ;v; I have 3 more to do right?? ❤️💕 I’ll probably try to finish them around their birthday, as a bday contribution maybe? ❤️💕

But here’s some updates: I’m still waiting for an actual source, but anon dropped by and said someone at a fansign might’ve asked hoshi about his birthtime. He allegedly said it may be around 7-9am, so i’ve looked up the charts for 7,8 and 9am for personal interests

(Again, this is alleged, it’ll be irresponsible of me on a public platform to give too much credibility when it’s unsourced and I don’t have any solid proof, plus I can’t hold any of the informant accountable on whether the information is reliable or just misinformation. So please, as a fan of the group with an interest in astrology, take it with a grain of salt and with advised self-discretion!)

[i’ll add a readmore if you’re interest in the 7-9am unsourced time mini add-on ⬇️]

🚫long post, longer than expected ;; 🚫⚠️Please read the part at the end!!⚠️

9am is leo at 11′ !!

Third reminder, again, this remains unsourced and I’m reluctant to put too much weight on it? But i thought it would be interesting because the main part I want to share is that if he was born anytime during 7-8am – he would have a cancer asc ;; Again, we don’t know this in certain terms, with rating guidance on how accurate it is - because even people’s memories can get things like their birthtime mixed up. Whether they are early morning born or late night, sometimes it gets confusing for people too! And also, this is unsourced. So please!! Take with a grain of salt!!

This is what anon said by the way, which is as of right now - my only material I’m going off of so far (sorry for sounding so suspicious anon, I sincerely don’t mean it that way ;;) :

It’s on my page, here’s the link to the ask sent.

Now, onwards !

The 7am one has sun/venus in 12th (hopeless romantic, self-limitations, conditions lives are born into, seclusions, self-deception/destructiveness etc.) but moon/mercury/mars in 11th also implies plenty of gifts and abilities, takes time to manifest his dreams/goals/long-term achievements. Versatile style, lots of things to show in terms of activities/what the self can do, personal values as well.

I’d interpret this as having expectations, dreams, goals. The moon, mercury and mars is where their confidence lies - within their ability proven to manifest and earn them something. However, there’s also an area (sun, venus) where expectations are not met due to limitations or personal weakness. It may cause confusion, because on one hand they can achieve a lot of things - on the other hand, they don’t understand why they can’t achieve ‘anything’ or a lot of things they want.

Self-fulfillment for 12th house native can be hard, especially if we’re going to be using whole-signs house system, then the Gemini placements would all fall neatly into the 12th - and that creates a character that deals with the internal self, struggles with that and learning how to grow/help out of it as well.

Sometimes it’s a re-occuring pattern of seclusion and isolation that we don’t realize we do until we’re in a situation where we have to deal with said problem head on, especially when something bad happens. Imprinted and they have to re-process how to work out of it and break certain habits.

Remember that the 6th and 12th are usually ailments, but the 6th house is usually seen (i.e. over-working, fatigue, physical) whilst the 12th being right by the ascendant - if we’re going to explain it in relation to the ruler - makes natives blind to these ailments sometimes or take it as their natural ‘condition’.

Moodiness may be common especially because gemini is ruling said house, with a lot of strong energetic planets (personal) and the native may soundboard after they resolve their issues to others in order to grow from it/out of it without anyone else realizing they have these thoughts/problems in the first place (i.e. taking people by surprise when the time comes, because they may seclude these parts of themselves in order to work it out, before talking/admitting it to anyone else afterwards as a form of self-protection)

One good thing to look at this is that the 12th house gemini native may be able to solve other people’s problem alot of the time, especially those who may have problems articulating what it is they’re bothered by or communicating it to others. The gemini 12th house native are spectacularly great at communicating/connecting the self with others (the self being the other person’s selves) to help sooth this and bring it to light. If given the opportunity like he does, in a group, business and personal setting like this (trainee years up to having an actual career tends to build personal bonds with people you surround yourself with).

However, for the native themselves, they may take time to get to this point where they don’t feel uncomfortable ‘exposing’ parts of themselves too much as well.

Aries saturn in 9th (8am) or 10th house (7am) with an aries mc - a doer, capabilities are great, evokes confidence in others by being themselves. Requires praising and fighting for/reciprocation sometimes. Self-improvements. Doing better and better, self-motivated.

Overcoming adversaries usually, especially through praises, giving and receiving, reactions and responses helps (aries mc, gemini mars in 11th or 12th house depending on house system, usually we’d consider traditional house rulership so whole sign is usually 12th).

Coming from within to outwards in terms of conviction and believing in something. Not really blind faith, but a belief in the fundamentals/logic of said person and of the circumstances itself (sometimes, it’s trustworthiness, credibility and loyalty - Capricorn Jupiter, 7th)

Mercurial (gemini stellium) - so always/constantly learning and figuring out their style/tastes, having strong ‘knows’ of what they like/excel in and what they’re drained/completely suck at. Can come across as comical, but because of that cancer asc (gemini moon, gemini mercury) can also be sensitive to criticism, especially social/public recognition (if it’ll affect them publicly) as well.

Sagittarius ruling 6th with a Sag pluto - watch for ailments and physical injuries due to wanting to do too much, too soon, especially overseas and thus, over-exerting self to get it done without prior set-up/regulations regarding it. This is opposition Gemini mercury in 11th - so whilst the person can talk the talk, make sure they don’t push themselves/force themselves to walk the walk when they can’t do it. Small bad habits like constantly changing styles, ideas, talks, etc. can come back and bite their Gemini Mercury/11th in the ass if they aren’t careful with doing things out of impulse or unnecessary needs (aka certain thoughts/thinking they think are right but haven’t learnt why it’s wrong yet)

I want to mention the 11th house because if we’re using placidus house system - his gemini placements for the 8am one would mostly fall here (instead of the 12th house, which if we’re using whole signs for the 8am his gemini would also fall neatly in the 12th - I thought it’ll be interesting to include both sets, 12th as talked about earlier and the 11th here now)

Depending on the house you use, the 12th house has a completely different context than the 11th as you can see! But the thing here is that - even though we wish for the idol to be in good and to always be happy - if he does have placements (using placidus) that falls into 11th house - the 12th house is ruled by gemini (he has no interception) and thus, his domicile gemini mercury in 11th would still be there again.

This may imply that he does think - if possibly, talk about the issues in the 12th. There’s a difference between having planets in said house, and having the planetary ruler of said house in a lucky house. In this case, it’s good if he has planets in 11th - because that’s usually bringing out the dark into light, the challenges into overcoming them, the hardship into praises and good fortune.

Did you know the 11th house can symbolize gifts and trust? Friends/allies, social recognition, triumph against hardship/adversaries. Doesn’t mean there isn’t any - just means they can overcome them and bring good light/recognition from their actions/praises socially.

Natives with 11th house stellium can sometimes feel like they don’t have much luck/what the archetype describes - that’s also because the 11th house stel natives may need to think about the overall condition and the longevity of their hopes/dreams, goals and desire. How much work they put into the world is as much as they get back.

It’s an exchange, so we might want to think of this as a fairness, of equal exchange and of putting in the work to give and thus to receive back. They can be a dumbass sometimes, especially when it’s supposedly the ‘teacher’ but even the teacher has to be taught.

His gemini placements (mercury and mars) are opposition to sag pluto at near exact degrees. The native may be consistently changing or evaluating things and redeeming themselves, as both as mutable in opposition - the native may remain humble as the student (gemini personal placements) being taught their place by the changes that comes with new ideas taught to them by circumstances/others (sagittarius pluto as the teacher, capricorn jupiter as the authority training/teaching them - aries saturn, maybe a problem with ‘selfishness’ or not taking advice sometimes, knowing what’s best for themselves, setting out to do projects/things and are capable of being very independent and hot-heated sometimes - but also alot of personal luck with that capricorn jupiter and cancer asc - stubbornness, but also kindness to others if that capricorn jupiter falls into the 7th - more like, strict kindness but very deep-rooted and stable, trusting and secure, for the ‘better’.)

One thing we haven’t talked much about yet, but would be nice to touch on is the signification of his Capricorn Jupiter?

If we use whole signs it would fall into his 7th - having a Jupiter in 7th implies a person who’s usually willing to learn more about others, expand their vision and also guide others when they need it (become a pillar of support, security for others due to attachment/trust in their companionship - capricorn in jupiter).

The team defining (who they are with other people, i.e. sub-units, pairings, etc.) is a part of their identity. I know we talk about the 1st house being personal identity, but self-identity and self-expansion is also important and invigorating to a person’s growth. Soonyoung having his Capricorn Jupiter (possibly) being is significant, here because this talks about how genuine his affection and enthuist about other people are.

It’s sincere, and it’s from a genuine place of learning and receiving from others. He watches out for others (Capricorn, Saturnian, guardianship) but he also relies on them for guidance as well (note: see how he relies on the 96 team but also takes care of them, thats not just possible Cancer asc talking - that is a combination of Capricorn Jupiter being possibly in 7th as well)

Home is how you define it - and relationships can be strong with love, even if it’s platonic/friendship with others. There’s significance in looking at how his Gemini/Mercury placements (11th - friends, allies, gifts/talent) interact with that Sagittarius Pluto (6th - working, employee, responsibilities) - and thus his Capricorn Jupiter, which coincidentally falls in an angular house as well (7th - partners, associates, partnerships.)

Do you kinda see what I’m trying to say? It’s all interconnected, how sincere it all is and how important using these talents/valuing friendship and partnership is to him. Not just personally, but for the sake of others as well. If he really is a Cancer ascendant, this is important, to take care and be responsible of his tasks, help others when he can. But also to be taken care of and acted/praised with respect for his personal efforts.

We joke around about Hoshi being playful a lot of the time!! And that may be well and dandy, but he’s also a very comforting and calming person as well. And it’s about time we acknowledge that too maybe ;;

I’ve talked alot about his 7-8am - but what if it’s closer to 8-9am?? I think most people might find him being a leo ascendant more believable, considering his staggering stage presence and love for performance itself!!

If he is a leo ascendant instead - most likely his placements would then fall neatly into the 11th house (Cancer would instead rule his 12th) - he’d have a Taurus MC, and a Scorpio IC. A chill, dorky and stable figure. Someone who seems to bring what we talked about earlier (in the section about 11th house above) to lives around him.

Not just this, but his Sagittarius would be in 5th, which talks about versatility in interests, hobbies, entertainment and creativity. Virgo in 2nd, talks about self-esteem, linking back to Gemini Mercury in 11th. Perfectionist tendency with themselves to improve their values and confidence, their personal taste, material possessions (possibly fashion choices). All of the energy would be channeled into doing the best - demonstrating and performing the best as possible, it’s all in one coin. But he’s confident in it. Receiving recognition and praise may come second to self-expression, but it’s still something that will support his confidence/self going forward as well.

Sun in 11th as well as Leo ASC ruling the chart is a nice touch, especially since he’s in the business of constant exposure and being able to interact, receive or affectionately give back/gain from others as well. Gemini may have moodiness that makes them hide-away, but it’s also easily turned out when they’re in the zone of comfort/receiving compliments from others in an easy-going interaction (going with the flow used to turn their moods around).

Not much to say, but I hope this is long and detailed enough to feel satisfied with reading!

Again, I feel like I should emphasize even more after doing an add on like this that the time I was given by anon is still unsourced. And thus, it’s speculated birthtime at this point, alleged. And unconfirmed.

I can’t in good conscious add onto headcannon birthtime speculations unless I actually have someone, held accountable for the information or misinformation, with their credibility and source checked a second time.

Especially on a public social media platform - where misinformation can spread easily and taken out of hands into being ‘factual’ and rabid within a fan space. I’m trying to be as careful as I can on how to do this, but I know I can slip up and this - I’m wary - may be one of the times I ‘slip up’ because I can’t control how much or how little someone will take this and run with it/make with it as they can.

I hope that this analysis - instead of being focused on hoshi - is more about having him as an example for those who has interest in astrology or may have similar placements to him and wanted to know more, to get to know themselves and see themselves as special and close to their favourite idols as well.

I hope this comes across as me talking more about placements similar to his, and giving information that could be used personally by the person (any readers) to understand and gift themselves with, rather than spreading false speculations about idols in this space

That’s the narrative I’m going for, so I’m hoping it translates ;; In other news, I hope those that read this and feel like it hits close to home, but didn’t have much interest in Hoshi before - look more into him themselves and gain an interest in observing him and becoming a fan as well. I hope it goes both ways, and brings good alliances with people instead of tearing public careers and personal lives of idols down.

Anyways, thats all I have! I hope I’ve fed you a little - even though you probably meant and may be interested in the other members I haven’t written for yet ;; hehe

#seventeen astrology #kpop astrology #svt astrology #hoshi add on #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #svt #seventeen #astrology asks #kpop asks #idol asks #anon #asks

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kissmeaboutit · 6 years ago

Text

Fic recs part 1

The Intern- https://archiveofourown.org/works/979988/chapters/1929352#main

Armin was convinced that it was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Eren just saw it as just another chance to fail. Nothing good could possibly come out of an internship in a stuffy office at Survey Corporation. Eren would have been content to sit and watch the remainder of his senior year pass him by. However, after one elevator trip, Eren finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew about life and himself.

Tentative Bliss- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131646/chapters/2286009

In the D/s community, a contract is the agreement between the Dom and sub: It outlines the structure, expectation, rules, and limitations of the temporary relationship. After Eren nervously signs one with his new Dom, Levi, they both have a month to decide if they're right for each other and to see if Eren can fit in the household without clashing with the others. Although, Eren is a little surprised by Armin's kindness and Levi's actual objective...

1994- https://archiveofourown.org/works/875756/chapters/1683367

Before cell phones. Before the Kardashians. Before internet porn. The year is 1994. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, poor kids from the wrong side of the tracks, have been transferred with the rest of their neighborhood to the posh, uptown Trost High (Home of the Titans). Mikasa and Armin seem to fit in well enough, but Eren isn't quite so lucky. Of course, most of this has to do with Eren's personality. When he accepts a bet to lose his virginity (and actually prove that someone likes him) by the end of the semester, it's hard for him to deny the improbability of winning. After all, the only one he seems to be talking to these days is the weirdly pretty (and just plain weird) goth working at the donut shop down the street...

Louder Than Words- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1810396/chapters/3885151

My boyfriend, Eren Jaeger, disappeared ten days before his seventeenth birthday.

Six months later, he was found again, completely intact save for his mental and emotional scars. Oh, and the fact that he would never be able to speak again.

And so, we all started to rebuild from the debris that had been left in the destruction of our lives.

Little Titan Cafe- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032582/chapters/2057524#main

Just another cliche AU in which Eren works as a barista in his mother’s café, specializing in latte art. And then there’s Levi, who’s not exactly your typical patron, because, well, he’s blunt and rude (which Eren supposes isn’t that much different from regular customers) but mostly he just confuses Eren’s poor little homosexual heart.

Chasing Summer- https://archiveofourown.org/works/4059769/chapters/9136579

Two more weeks left before Levi Ackerman graduates from high school and leaves the small town of Shiganshina. He can't wait for the moment that he can finally put that dreadful town behind him. But when a Grisha Jaeger becomes the new family doctor, bringing along his ill son that breathes new life into the town he desperately wants to escape, will Levi find a reason to stay?

A Forged Wedding- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1557026/chapters/3301223

Modern AU, based off of the Japanese game: "I... Don't think I heard you right. What did you just ask me, Rivaille?" "I'm asking you to marry me for a month. How did you not hear me right?" (Rated M for later chapters, mentions of other pairings, more warnings inside)

Don’t Let Your guard down- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5440217/chapters/12572078

Eren and his adopted sister were raised in an extremely Christian household and as a result, are very ignorant to the world around them. And there's one big problem with that. Eren is gay and has been hiding it from everyone since he realized it, out of fear of his homophobic father and other people finding out. One day he feels tested religiously when he meets some eccentric people as a result of him drawing attention to himself by exhibiting his athletic abilities. Little does he know, he drew their attention because they are all apart of their school's color guard team and are desperate for a new member. He's hesitant to join, however, it may not be his choice to accept the offer after all.

Trost Landing- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622420/chapters/3458933

After a fire devastated their apartment, Levi and Eren move into a new housing community on the outskirts of town. However, after a little while, things don't turn out as happily-ever-after as they had planned.

A voice from the rubble- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014987/chapters/11525746

It all just took 30 seconds. Thirty seconds that kept replaying in my mind over and over again, the details so vivid. Thirty seconds that would change my life forever.

Thirty seconds earlier we had all been safely tucked up in bed. Shiganshina Lodge was my home, my family was visiting for the holidays; it had now become our tomb.

Shiganshina District had been a second home to all of us ever since I was born. I know this place. I know its beauty... I'm now learning its terror.

OR: Eren's trapped in a landslide and Levi's the paramedic that finds him.

Freedom of the press- https://archiveofourown.org/works/3261971/chapters/7113611

Eren is just an ordinary college student, wondering how long he can put off his art projects and if it's possible to live off of only ramen and mac 'n cheese. Oh, and if his medical alert bracelet is really necessary, because honestly, it shouldn't be. His part time jobs as a barista and a photographer for a major newspaper help pay the bills, but when he gets assigned the task of photographing the upcoming professional soccer match, he can't believe his luck. He has been given permission to legally stalk his idol, center forward for the Scouts, Levi Ackerman!

Levi Ackerman is a famous soccer player, and the object of millions of girls' and guys' wet dreams. For Levi, the life of a celebrity is nothing to complain about. He can walk into any bar and leave with his choice of men to take home. And with a sexual appetite that can rival that of a porn star, this is a benefit of stardom he takes full advantage of. The only problem is, it's hard to keep secrets when constantly under a spotlight. What the world doesn't know is that he's gay, and he's determined to keep it that way. Levi struggles to keep his deep, dark secret out of the public knowledge, but a certain green-eyed brat is making that exceptionally difficult.

Both sides of the same coin- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966659/chapters/4255494

Eren is a werewolf, captured by humans for experiments, and wakes up in a cell that he soon realizes he's sharing with a vampire. The two work together to get out of their unpleasant prison but the price for their freedom may end up being too high. How will they cope with the consequences of the choices they have made?

Help Me Stand- https://archiveofourown.org/works/934319/chapters/1818776

Eren's best childhood friend and high school boyfriend, Armin, dies in a car accident in which Eren had been the one at the wheel. Unable to keep from blaming himself, life itself becomes agonizing for Eren and he turns to the more negative side of coping mechanisms. Eventually, he meets a college student named Levi who seems like he has it all figured out, just to discover that they have more in common than he thought. Modern!AU.

Also, Levi has a motorcycle because it was definitely necessary.

Make You Feel My Love- https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863482/chapters/11146277

Levi is Trost's strongest soldier, he's Captain of the Special Ops Squad and he's also the only chance Trost has to end their long war with Maria. Eren is Maria's Prince, he's beloved and respected by all of his people, he's also the only hope Maria has to survive their long struggle against Trost.

What neither of them expected was an arranged marriage to try and solve all their problems. Fun fact: it doesn't.

A World Of Our Own- https://archiveofourown.org/works/2632715/chapters/5875388

Eren wasn't happy knowing his whole life that he'd have to be forced into an arranged marriage, but finding out that his fiance is one of the richest, most famous heirs of the modern age wasn't exactly helping. All about the struggles of being forced into a modern day arranged marriage.

And Eren being a little shit in the process. Cause he's a brat.

The Music Room- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5043655/chapters/11596453

Levi Ackerman resides in a facility for the terminally ill, angry and bitter toward the world for being stripped of his life before he's even allowed to live it. He keeps to himself and in fact shuns any kind of social interaction with anyone. That is, until he stumbles upon the music room, inhabited only by a cancer-ridden teenager who's just as lonely as he is.

Leave your Lover- https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062431/chapters/4482963

Levi is a 30 year old divorced Chef who works at his best friend's restaurant.

An ex military Sergeant, Levi lives his life according to a strict routine. One day, his strict schedule is thrown off when a mysterious cat makes it's way into his apartment from the open Balcony. When Levi hears it's owner knocking on his door, he wasn't aware that his life would be turned upside down and all because of this boy standing in his doorway with the biggest, brightest green eyes he'd ever seen and his name is Eren Jaeger.

The story in which Levi doesn't know he's gay and is in denial about it until a certain bright eyed boy moves in next door and steals his heart. The only problem is... he's got a boyfriend.

Comment On... - https://archiveofourown.org/works/7897357

Levi has come a long way since he started writing fanfiction, but there's always been that one reader who's stuck by him since the beginning. A fanartist for his fanwriter who goes by the name of Jaegermeister. After months of talking back and forth in the comments of AO3 one of them finally becomes brave enough to send a message on Tumblr that takes their conversations to a whole new level.

Promises Travel-

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524034/chapters/12751232

One promise could lead to more.

And for Levi, he intended to keep every one of them no matter where Eren may be.

A Place for Hearts To Rest- https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189850/chapters/16318364

Levi is Eren's captain, and Eren assumed it would always be that way. Captain and subordinate, the way it was meant to be. But, when Eren's heat hits and the two can't resist each other, will the change be for the better, or the worse? Especially with the extraordinary circumstances that follow. There were orders they were meant to follow, rules that were not meant to be broken, and repercussions that would be dire, but no one can withstand the battering of wild instincts indefinitely and even taciturn captains sometimes have slip ups.

Only with the help of their friends are they able to come to terms with the sticky situation they'd managed to get themselves into. But, will it be enough to save them?

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titleknown · 6 years ago

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Three Spooky Fictional Knockoff Toylines!

That’s right, as the big writing piece for this spooky time of year, it’s three spooky toylines ripping off bigger properties in a way that do not exist.

These are all public domain/CC0, free to use for whatever you see fit, though crediting me and linking to my Patreon or Ko-Fi would be nice.

Shoutout to @genustoys, @phelous and @therobotmonster for heavily inspiring these with their work!

Now, LET US BEGIN!

Monsterlords of the Nether Realms- This line is an odd duck in that it was a knockoff of a toyline that wasn't all that popular. Namely, Inhumanoids.

It was seemingly designed to be cross-compatible with the large monsters of that line, yet in all irony it stuck around seemingly far longer, likely due to the lower price points it was was able to get away with due to being a “non-branded” product and the cross-compatibility of play pattern with the larger figures.

And they were shockingly lavish for what was seemingly a “low rent” property, which has lead to suspicions of it and its related properties being a money-laundering scheme, or at least cover for something unsavory, though others say it could simply be good craftsmanship and the evidence in favor of and against such is perhaps a story for another day.

There were five of them that ended up bumping around store shelves, give or take a few “extras,” which we will cover as they come.

The first piece; likely intended as the “mascot” due to its prescence in promotional artwork is the one known as MOLINTHA, or “ANTHILL EVIL” on certain variants, a large figure encased in a roughly mountain shaped “shell” when curled in a specific position; with an ominous “maw” that turned into a torso when the figure was uncurled.

The mountain pieces themselves (Which were free-standing on their own) provided a large amount of play value with platforms seemingly shaped for various 3&¾-inch figures, but the body itself was a gorgeous design, with the “scaffolding” where the mountain clicked on turning into a series of platforms for figures to climb and clamber over,

The articulation was low, but the sculpting was pleasantly gnarly, resembling some dark ancient castle covered in mystic carving given humanoid form, without an articulated head but instead a snarling “maw” in which figures could be placed inside. Though, there has been some speculation that this head was ripped off a similar design from the front of the classic D&D Dungeon Master's Guide, and I would be lying if I did not see the resemblance.

As expected, it did not come with any figures, but did come with a large assortment of commonly-circulated plastic “bugs” molded in a clear rubbery plastic; along with a few of the notorous “Chinasaurs” that ended up as the basis for D&D monsters bizarrely enough.

The second known most commonly as “LEVIATHOIN” was a piece that had a similar yet wildly different gimmick. The main “body” was actually simply an inanimate idol, which one might say resembles a very specific image of Baphomet, but the smaller figures were of real interest.

Four five-inch ones, bearing an odd resemblance to a scaled-down Molhilintta minus the scaffolding and with a few odd tweaks, with a similar simple articulation scheme, but also a feature in which the arms and legs could “click” together tightly, which leads to the real draw of such.

Each figure attached to a socket in the main “idol” and functioned as a crude combiner., forming a huge “creature”. Each figure could function as n arm or a leg on either side, and the color variants (Including a few alledged remolds of these torsoes) could be their own article in and of themselves.

The third known as MECHA-SHAG was an extremely simple design and yet also one of the most bizarre of them all. It was a hairy “core” akin to the Masters of the Universe Grizzlor, but with a strange robotic face; limbs and at least a dozen missile launchers. They were Micronauts-styled “safety” missiles, but still fascinatingly odd all the same. There is evidence for the pieces origin as a possible Shogun Warriors/Jumbo Machinder knockoff, but again that is a detail for another day.

The fourth one was known as RUCIBEDO, and was unusual even for this line. It was a stylized kaiju-esque “pterodactyl” with a flapping action; its oddly “bio-mechanical” look seemingly giving credence to the idea that the enigmatic company behind the linwas making a Shogun Warriors knockoff-series before they decided to switch gears, but those are not the only notable parts.

The most blatant one is the fact that it is sculpted in a bright red; translucnet plastic, and not only that but had electric lights wired to the flapping mechanism in some bizarrely spacious “alcoves” in the back (Possibly for aborted missile-firing features), creating an immensely striking effect. Albeit one that had a tendency to break; though there are repair guides out there.

And the fifth PLUCHUN is an odd duck, because it should by all accounts be considered kind of a “ripoff” due to using far less material for the same price point as the others, but is often the most fondly remembered.

It is a small torso seemingly made of organic “pipes with a “hatch” on the head and a button slightly below. It also came with a small container of “slime” indicating its function. Namely, put it in the back of the head; press the button repeatedly; and the slime drips out of the holes in the creature, with a pumping rubber “heart” completing the effect. Weirdly; while the rubber on most of these has rotted off, there appears to be a fully sculpted (Albeit much cruder) “heart” that still moved in and out when the button was pressed.

The whole thing was capped off by immensely long rubbery bendy-limbs in the same style as the “main body's” pipes. These tended to be very fragile, and while memorable, this has the fewest surviving specimens out of them all.

As said before, there are other specimens that may be covered at a later date; such as the odd hand-puppet and the bizarrely remolded Imperial Dinosaurs linked to the line and the smaller-range figures, but this is running a bit long, so I'll leave it here for now.

Nightmare Gores- Relating to the preponderance of He-Man knockoff figure lines in the 80s, and the popularity of slasher films, it was only a matter of time that the two would be combined, in ways only possible without mass-fundie-protest at least) in small lines like this.

In striking red-and-black packaging with crude art of a horde of ghoulish monsters rseemingly ripping out of the card back, with the bizarrely memorable phrase of “WE WILL KILL YOU” coming out of a word balloon, there's relatively few things like it.

It used a standard barbarian body whose origins predated the line; but from where they predated was a matter of debate (Though it is known that it most certainly was original to that company and not a He-Man or Galaxy Hole bootleg(), all the same across the line with differing headsculpts.

The headsculpts did have consistent names, and one could tell their inspirations relatively well. Joe was obviously a Freddy Kreuger without the hat, the hockey-masked Rod was obviously Jason Voorhees, Mike was very obviously a riff on Michael Jackson's Thriller Werecat (Corroborated with the usual non-caucasian color of his body sculpt) and Gross was blatantly the Toxic Avenger. Mush was a generalized “melting” face, but could be said to be taken from Cropsey of The Burning; and Hexen's gas mask was likely inspired by My Bloody Valentine's main antagonist; albeit with bizarrely added devil horns.

Then there are the oddballs. Clash is a fan-favorite alongsid Hexen due to his pure black-plastic body and strange hood in striking red with a black void for a front and two piercing red pupils, but I like Frank a lot if only for being a big ridiculous Frankenstein head repurposed for this, as was what I would call the “Baltard” of this line Stall-9 with his slighly crossed eyes and almost comical grin negating whatever intimidation factory they might have. Redd caps off the line with the strange combination of bull and horse head designs obviously repurposed from the barbarian toyline this comes from in a way that still sorta works.

Their pack in accessories vary across production, but there are some commonalities. Mike; Rod; Hexen and Clash almost always came with cool red vinyl “jackets” and Tedd and Frank almost always came with bizzarrely realistic handguns molded in bright orange. And Stal-9; Mush and Clash came with a “chainsaw: very clearly remolded from a gun.

The rest were a mushmash of machetes and hammers, and knives; axes and clubs that were clearly re-utilized from the original line. There are other “relatives” like the Killer Beasts and the Murder Lady, but we'll leave it here for now.

ShineFriendz- One of the many Tamagochi-come-latelies in the 90s, this line tried valiantly to differentiate itself from the usual Tamagochi clones by giving itself a backlite, far more extensive interaction within the limits of its mono-colored pixel art and a link function for “playtimes,” All in a model approximately the size of a modern day smartphone, and to be supported with early web tie-ins in lieu of an expensive animated series.

Of course, the fact that it was its parent company's first venture into such things; a battery company to be exact (Hence why they felt so secure in being battery-eaters), there was very little oversight into the programming. And, due to a series of circumstances too stupid to mention, the devices had far more memory than they anticipated, and far more than they would need for the device's intended functions.

And, what happens when you have bored programmers and lots of time, you get easter eggs. Lots and lots of unsettling easter eggs. To the point where they took up approximately as much space as the “main” games.

So, they were immensely easy to run into during play, but they went unnoticed by corporate during the first three iterations of the pets. The most notorious of them was the possible evolution called only BREATHING which looked like an emaciated and decrepit eyeless version of the brand's canid mascot-species the Buroof that was continually doing what its name implied and had a legion of ominous quirks too long to list here.

Despite rumors, surprisingly none of the glitches involved causing death or injury to any of the pets. Though, that still didn't make them any less fucked up, with such examples as a “pet” known as BRILT that took the form of continual flame graphic that at times would flicker to the outline of another; random pet, to the weird “bird” known as CAUSE whose pleasure meter would go up if you hit the scold button,

There's a full list of “AnomalyFriendz” (the usual fan nickname0 that's too long to list here, but it wasn't limited to them, with such things as a “Game” that involved running from what looked like a crude pair of jaws to a “food” that looked like a wad with what was unmistakably eyes. And the web fiction didn't help, given how the actual text stories were dark , reading more like if Clive Barker wrote Watership Down with it just being barely within what was “appropriate” for kids, with increasingly less subtle allusions to the “AnomalyFriendz”

The minority of parental complaints weren't what got the execs notice however, it was actually the fans of the property, young girls who wrote in asking about those glitches. Not even in disapproving tones either, just asking whether they were intentional, or even asking if playground rumors (Or the rumors circulating across the website's own forums) were true.

This lead to them trying to integrate the macabre bits into the actual marketing for the toys, with the fourth iteration “FreakyFriendz,” with a cleverly altered shell with an ominously warped corner and more integration of the “anomalous” and “regular” Friends. And that is what sunk the line.

Because, parents actually noticed and; since this was the 90s; they bitched up a storm, leading to most of them being removed from shelves. Which is a shame, because enthusiasts say these were the best models yet.

The company left the business shortly thereafter, but there remains a small cult fandom to this day; complete with officially sanctioned web-iterations and even a few (sadly stillborn) attempts at full on revivals. But, maybe someday...

#action figures #toys #fictional toys #public domain #horror #things that need to exist #things that don't exist #macabre #weird #bootlegs #knockoffs

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analyzingn · 2 years ago

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UNDERSTANDING THE K-POP IDOL PERSONA: why it exists, why it remains

How can idols feel? What are the things they hide behind the mask of perfection? Is your (fan) relationship with them really a relationship?

Persona is an archetype related to the mask we use, masks that are created to fulfill social roles or external expectations. This is the summary of Persona.

Shadow is also an archetype, but it is related to repressed contents of our personality, traumatic experiences, good or bad things that we somehow ignore, don't know about ourselves or don't want to accept in ourselves.

We are a society based on Personas, even more so on social medias, since we are always wanting to show ourselves to others, to convey certain images, even if they do not correspond to everything we are. This is even more true in scenarios where looking good or near "perfect" is necessary, including to sell ($$$$).

We are all human. When a human being accepts to live on the limit between his/her real personality and an invented character, what are the consequences for his/her emotional and for his/her identity?

SPEAKING IN ANALYTICAL PSYCHOLOGY LANGUAGE,

If a person is absorbed in Persona, where is his/her Shadow? And his/her Self?

From Carl Jung, a particularly important theorist for Analytical Psychology, we can learn that there is no healthy psychological life without contact with the shadows, with what is deeper and sometimes even painful and not well accepted by people.

When people focus too much on living through their Persona, they give up on themselves. I say this because there is no self-knowledge without embracing your Shadow, without allowing everything that you disapprove or that you were taught that is reprehensible to be faced and felt.

The Self is lost, and the being is focused on its Ego, a very superficial sense of what he/she is. the Persona of an idol, but is focused on pleasing, on fulfilling other people's expectations, on being almost perfect (this is required of many artists, but I see it being even stronger for k-idols). and that is not healthy for anyone's mind and personality, that's for sure.

Never say that it is a pleasure to live oneself. It will be no joy but a long suffering, since you must become your own creator.

Carl Jung

First of all, I would like to take you to a reflection. An exercise to put yourself in their shoes, if possible. I want to make people notice what can be behind this curtain of smiles, awards, and satisfaction. Could it be that when the curtain goes down, the public is not around, and the lights go out… is it still like that? Let's reflect:

Since people can put themselves in other people's shoes more easily when they see themselves in certain reality, think about yourself in their place, 'transporting' yourself as much as you can to their reality.

*p.s.: nothing I say here is intended to victimize the idol figure, saying that they are poor people who have no choice. they had. they really chose. but that does not justify all the exaggerations on the part of others, all the limitations imposed on them. and at the same time, in the end, they are as much a part of it as the company is. no one here is a victim, that is for sure. unfortunately, it is all part of the 'game’.

One thing I can say with certainty: They want to be artists recognized for who they are.

I cannot hold on to the fake and so widespread idea that “the fans are everything to them and they just need the fans' love”. this is an illusion. And not only an illusion but also a limitation, because the love coming from the fan in general can be (and is) selective, and they are originally there for the success that the artist is making, because if weren’t for the success and visibility, they wouldn't meet the artists.

When all these idols walked the street back in the day, before they became famous, no one stopped them to say they loved who they were. Today it is easy to say that you love the famous person you follow for who they are. You feel affection, but not real love – when you meet someone and value them for who they are. Fan love is a conditioned love, not that love we experience in a relationship with family, boyfriends, girlfriends, and friends, because we live with these people, and we have the possibility of being known for who we are. Obviously, that seems to be it, it seems to be true love, a genuine love, after all you are devoted to someone, but it is not.

First because the idol does not even show him/herself for real. Second, that in order to attract their attention, a number of things were done - marketing, image planning, advertising creation and, finally, the creation of Personas. Who you meet on the street, an unknown being, or the people you know that you do not even value that much, they don't have a persona designed to shine and get your attention.

Even if one of them is an amazing person, you won't be interested in meeting her the way you were interested in meeting the artist if she/he doesn't have something very attractive: fame, numbers, everything that blindly makes us believe that we are very “inferior” to these people, and they are so good that we are far from them.

Therefore, we need to idolize them. Sometimes a person who does not have any fame could be more inspiring and exemplary for you than the famous person you idolize, but okay. Let's proceed.

Artists who, since they gained the opportunity to show themselves to the world, have to “trim” themselves, removing their “yellow” leaves from the view of others, so that they become a completely green tree. Less natural and closer to perfect. Less Self and more Persona. It happens that when a love is based on ideas of not accepting everything from a person, in addition to not being a complete and true love, it is not a love that nourishes. It is a love that doesn't involve trust to show itself, it's not a love literally "home" and coziness.

Can you understand the difference in love? In words it may even be, but in attitudes it is not. In its deepest nature, it is not. And nurturing this idea of a “deep relationship” between fan and idol does not only have negative effects on the idol. In this text I delve deeper into the effects on the fans.

Imagine yourself being in a life like an idol is and having to deal with the frustration of not having space to be yourself, not being able to feel true love from someone who will not be there to judge you, from someone who doesn't look at you waiting for what higher in the face of aesthetic standard, for example. A person who will treat you with a degree of normality, who will see you as an ordinary person. A person that being close to you does not live wanting to photograph your every step, a person doesn't want to post around the world how beautiful and sexy you are when you touch your hair. A person who really knows you, and who values you in the depth of what you are, and who does not need to expose you to the world because of your degree of fame.

Somewhat, normality does not exist in the life of an idol.

When they are with the fans, they cannot admit romantic relationships. They cannot date because fans feel they are "their property.”

In this situation, can one speak of true love? no, we have only conditioned love.

They cannot relate to anyone – at least in public - because they have to deal with the issue of the privacy and the boundary between what they want to bring to the public and what is private is disrespected. People going about their business and throbbing as if they were puppets and mere characters in a fictional story; not in a reality with the right to live their lives in privacy, at least a little. Everything personal becomes public and nothing is respected. In this situation, we cannot talk about love. With all respect.

1. Relationships, in particular dating

The fear of dating. The reaction of the fans. Company. All things involving “love relationship” + idols. We may not even think about how an idol feels to be deprived of it, but we cannot deny that at this point (and not only at this) they don't live the same way we do.

Imagine your whole life being deprived of love, being deprived of throwing yourself into romantic love and living it.

Love changes us. Love helps us when we are tired. Love is what gives us a sense of peace when everything wears us down, including work (speaking of work, fans are part of their work, not 'personal relationships' as many think). I think that their dream has always been to show their music to the world, being who THEY ARE, not basically becoming shaped beings. Unfortunately, it is a condition that is part of an entire industry that uses exactly that as an attraction to the public: an almost perfect image of an artist. An artist that will be limited of some freedoms because now he/she has a signed contract.

And most importantly: an artist who will serve you. He/she will be one moment your friend, the next almost a romantic partner. And for that, that person cannot be in a relationship, the person must be available to you.

I am sure that being deprived of living one of the most important parts of the development of a human being, which is the relationship, especially the loving one, feeling loved and being loved, was not in their life plan. But became a part.

Remembering that I am talking about k-idols, where they are even more limited in terms of dating (by the company and the fans). Very few assume relationships and when they do, they start living not a relationship for two, but with the whole audience, and imagine how unbearable a relationship that receives guesses all the time. Would you like to have the world pressure (and sometimes even against) your relationships?

2. Comment

When all these idols walked the street before they became famous, no one stopped them to say they loved who they were. Today it is easy to say that you love the famous person you follow for who they are.

You feel affection, but not real love – when you meet someone and value them for who they are (Fake Love from BTS is a great song about it). Fan love is a conditioned love, not that love we experience in a relationship with family, boyfriends, girlfriends, and friends, because we live with these people, and we have the possibility of being known for who we are. Obviously, in idol-fan "relatiomship", that seems to be it, it seems to be true love, a genuine love, after all you are devoted to someone, but it is not.

Even if one of them is an amazing person, you won't be interested in meeting them the way you were interested in meeting the artist, because she/he doesn't have something very attractive: fame, numbers, everything that blindly makes us believe that we are very “inferior” to these people, and they are so good that we are far from them. Therefore, people need to idolize them.

Sometimes a person who does not have any fame could be more inspiring and exemplary for you than the famous person you idolize, but okay. Let's proceed.

Since they gained the opportunity to show themselves to the world, they have to “trim” themselves, removing their “yellow” leaves from the view of others, so that they become a completely green tree. Less natural and closer to perfect. Less Self and more Persona. It happens that when a love is based on ideas of not accepting everything from a person, in addition to not being a complete and true love. It is not a love that nourishes. It is a love that doesn't involve trust to show itself.

Somewhat, normality does not exist in the life of an idol.

When they are with the fans, they cannot admit romantic relationships. They cannot date because fans feel they are "their property.”

In this situation, can one speak of true love? no, we have only conditioned love.

3. Emotional - idols cannot openly talk about everything they feel and are

Whether about sexuality, characteristics considered defects or weaknesses; having to do with not being able to open up and say what they feel… They know the limitations they have, because they know the fuss it makes or how unnecessary it would be to talk about themselves, to ask to be heard about their most “disapproved” feelings (since there are fans in the world who judge an idol as “weak” when he/she shows a more fragile and hidden side of itself).

In addition, there have been and will still be many situations in which they felt things, but which they could not explain because it went against what the company believes or against the company's economic interests. Rare possibilities to speak of what they believe, to defend their own thoughts. Have you ever thought how many people think things we do not even know? Whether for a good or a bad side... People who do not explain what they genuinely believe (biased, racist, very sexist thoughts, etc.) because they need to be perfect, and at the same time people who wouldn't like to hold hands with conservatism but who end up saying yes because they can't express everything they think. That is why I find it so strange to put idols on pedestals claiming that they are the most critical beings in the world, when in reality sometimes they don't even express truly what they feel.

4. Mental health

Going deeper and talking about mental health, the trainee phase can already be enough to develop some suffering. And few people understand who has it. And few can talk about how it is. And when they say about something they deal everyday: it doesn't even half of what they really feel, because it is so difficult to put something that is so taboo into words, isn't it?

And when I mention the trainee phase and the possibility that mental problems and vulnerabilities may develop in it, I say this because many forget this phase, which is so important because it marks many things in their lives. It is a very demanding phase - internal and external, where it is possible that ideas of being insufficient no matter what you do are born (or strengthened); of needing external approval; of wanting to please too much; bad feelings that do a lot of harm to a person's internal life, but that came about for a reason: the trainee period is when the person charges him/herself the most and is charged. It is an absurd rigidity where the focus is much more on the mistake, a tendency that makes the person also focus more on the mistake than on the successes in their attitudes.

And the problem does not stop there. The tensest issue is that after you ran and ran against time and "against yourself", after you have sacrificed so much in your life to be an idol, everything that was negative left inside you can't be treated with so easily because it is NOW that you will have to put into practice that idea that you were taught so much: smile, always smile; charisma, charisma. Be the Persona, we teach you to be. The idol that gives positivity and joy to everyone, even if inside you have several pieces, several open wounds, several insecurities. Be the example!

In addition, the perfect body pattern. I've discussed this idea a few times, and some people told me that K-pop is the genre that "most revolutionizes" the world today. In some terms, really. But I don't accept the idea that just because so many of the lyrics are about self-love, the genre has an immense and intense critical sense. If K-pop were so open to diversity, people could express their sexuality without being kicked out of companies, homo affectivity would not be used as bait to profit (fan service), and we would see a variety of bodies and personalities. Most groups have a weight standard that reflects exactly how very conservative K-pop is and is the biggest representation of what is called the “dictatorship of beauty.”

K-pop has a politically correct side (which is used for profit) that mentions the issues we struggle with the most these days and mentions it very cleverly. This genre seems to fight for the end of the dictatorship of fashion and beauty, the end of fatphobia, it seems to advocate in order to people accept each other. The lyrics convey a message à la the body positive movement, but the attitudes of those who sing them do not fit... The idols live "taking care" of their bodies so that they will never be inside what would be considered “ugly” for them. Contradictions?

5. Imagine yourself living under an “worldwide escort” literally 24 hours

This escort composed by the media and fans. For each step they take: millions of simultaneous reactions, opinions, photos, people analyzing each step and expression they make to build analyzes that fit what the person wants to say, the narrative they created in their fertile head. There is a strong use the image of famous people.

6. The sexualization of idols

Speaking of narratives that fans create: this subject deserves its own topic.

As if it wasn't enough to blindly project yourself into them, believing you know them when in reality all you're doing is seeing yourself in them, seeing something you'd like to be (that’s why they feel so close and so familiar to you). As if it wasn’t enough, there's still all the sexualization and a disgusting habit of stepping into the most intimate area of ANYONE's life and saying what each of the idols would do in sexual situations.

People creating images for each of them, who “serves” in the sexual relationship and who “dominates”, applying this filter and vision pattern to each of their behavior, to literally narrating sex scenes and making it normal and banal. With the excuse that “sex cannot be taboo”. Yes, it can't. But it is ridiculous to scandalize and use people as sex objects, exposing them on social media and ridiculing them (because they are not relating to you, and if they have, consent is important).

However, have you ever heard that when people are in a group, even doing something so irrational, they feel so right and correct? If the crowd is wrong, at least I am not alone. I would not feel myself proud for it.

What you do is living your relationships that should be lived by you projecting yourself into them, creating romantic bonds between them and going crazy when this is contested by someone from the outside (because, of course, your theories are irrefutable). It's about living your personal life spending 24/7 defending them as if you were defending your own integrity and identity, it's about feeling that your life is fulfilled by being with people who have been trained to smile and please you (and that when they disappear, because it's something normal, they leave you empty). It is being so dependent, but anyone seems to notice this. It is about transferring your sexuality to them, once again projecting yourself onto them and thinking that this whole life that is ultimately fictional is the greatest fulfillment you could ever have.

7. Imagine yourself traveling somewhere, but not being able to go outside

Not being able to go out to enjoy something alone, or with friends, because when going out someone finds out (as if it were negative for the person to leave) and then the internet, the fandom STOP to write, react, and analyze the departure of the human being out of his hotel. What a rare event, a phenomenon that definitely deserves a LOT of analysis, isn't it? Like a solar eclipse that deserves to be very well appreciated and observed.

8. Constant work, little rest

Constantly pushing yourself and releasing two albums or more every year, mixing that with comebacks, tours, are things that really mark the life of a k-idol. It is surprising to see them claiming that taking few breaks is essential - that's how they've been taught to live. And the fans - those who consume everything that is placed on their tables and sometimes seem to live off of it - use exactly that as an excuse: they are adults and they know what they do, they are not children so having few breaks is their choice. It is just that imagining yourself without the “pampering”, the emotional food, the dopamine, oh FOMO…

It is like saying to a non-famous person who works in a company and receives little that it's okay because, hey, she/he asked to go through this, she/he joined the company. No one should criticize anything. Sit there, after all, you get your salary, even if you know there are things wrong there. Here the point of problem is the salary among many others, but in the case of idols they are all those I mentioned. But it is like they say: “ignorance is a gift” and “the world is like that”.

9. The idea of “deserving” for the routine they live (meritocracy within K-pop)

I've seen several tweets in which an idol is on the ground so exhausted and in reaction we have many fans saying: that's it! we need to reciprocate. That's why I buy and stream, that's why I vote. Don’t you never stopped to think that… is that part of the whole machine? This is the whole idea, this is the intention of everyone behind the industry: to create diligent and very committed idols, who literally live only from work, and who through these "hardwork" attitudes manage to pass on to fans ideas that they deserve to be rewarded, because you've never seen someone work SO MUCH. I've never seen a genre with as much pressure and demand as this one. Yes, we have a lot of common issues in all the industry.

But here we can see people who not only charge themselves, but also like to pass on to others - even if unintentionally - this philosophy of life that leads people to perfectionism: no pain, no gain.

And through a romanticization of exaggerated work, of people who live being workaholics, we continue to feed the culture that produces the most content and which sells the most. This content is not directly related to music, if you stop to notice a good part of the things produced, transmitted and sold in K-pop are outside of what is the song and the music video, and, obviously, what else makes your idol work.

A song called “i should do” by rapper Jooheon highlights this a lot, the need to always be on the move when you're an idol and the sense of deserving to be rewarded for it all, how hard you end up working. And how much you aim to reward (buying and streaming) to those who work so hard. This is the narrative that everyone who is part of K-pop culture sells (company, idols) and buys (fans) so well.

10. Obligations and expectations

Photos, called selfies, and always wanting more. Imagine yourself having some obligation that at certain times becomes even more frequent, intense, having the obligation to post a photo, to make posts on another member's birthday - because people who "know you so well" (aka fans) need to see you posting photo to confirm the narratives they create before, during and after the birthday of a person who is on the other side of the earth.

They make so many posts about how they “know!” that idols are right now in the same house, such a rosy narrative. And are eagerly awaiting the post. And if one does not appear, wait for the reviews.

There are charges to do live videos, to answer messages in chat. And whoever thinks that all this is done by them without being seen as a routine, a task, an obligation is considered a monster by fans. They have a schedule to appear, to post a photo (and not always what they posted was actually taken at that time).

For those who live so alienated and trapped in this whole situation, interactions with fans always comes from the heart and never from the obligation to appear. In some cases, it may even be. But why do you think that when one member shows up, all the others start showing up right away? There is no deep relationship, the most that can exist here is an identification and a connection, but not unconditional: it came to exist because they fulfilled a series of attributes very well. A series of attributes to get here, to become “idols” who before being artists are like presenters of entertainment programs, trained to make others smile. And then, only after fulfilling all this did, they get to where they are today.

11. We are in a relationship with them. Really?

Fans often think and believe too much that they are in a deep relationship with their idol and that it doesn't get any better than that. They don't need anything else: with the K-pop group they have it all. This is extremely worrying, because as the idol feeds (on the sense of worth, of belonging to something, having a “relationship”.), fan becomes increasingly dependent on it. When they leave, even for a little bit, things get ugly and there's a void. But wait, for that came a way out! The company will post a new documentary of them. Oh, how wonderful, so I don't feel empty anymore. And off we go with more doses of addiction. And it turns into such a big cycle.

The person forgets to dedicate time from their studies to developing their personality and focusing on their own things. Unlike other genres that also have a lot of problems, K-pop is the first and the smartest (and no, that's not a compliment) not to give its consumer only music. It gives exactly everything that plugs the emotional holes. And it seems that this is commendable, commendable, a wonderful thing. But it is not, because it creates the feeling of dependence, it's like a medicine you can't do without.

All the releases of different things that often come out one after the other, without even time for the person to digest what was present in the previous release. It creates anxiety, it creates a feeling of being on the alert all the time because something is going to be released, so you need to be there always. You can't miss anything. In Psychology this is called FOMO (Fear of missing out), which is the fear of losing things, opportunities, fear of being left. I need to be online 24/7 because I will be: I - a good fan, not an “ungrateful”, but exactly the one who serves my idols very well; II - I will not feel alone; III - doses of dopamine is what I won't miss.

However, like all dopamine: it comes and goes fast. And then you go in search of more. Within the whole adventure, outside of FOMO, outside of anxiety, people teach each other all the time that numbers are worth much more than content, because we need to be diligent and hardworking to keep the darlings at the top because “their success is our success”. Psychological projection and feeling that the conquest of the other is your conquest.

All this is part of a strategy to keep people even closer and more devoted. At the same time there is the idea that they are almost perfect and superior. K-pop makes you “intimate” with the one that my god, sometimes unfortunately you don't even know each other, let alone that you will know him.

On psychological levels, this is not healthy at all.

The feeling of dependence is also added to obligation. obligation to be present. I saw a lot of fans that blamed themselves for being offline, even if it was due to personal circumstances. They feel like “horrible fans”. As if they had an obligation to serve that person who is so far from them. Do you feel guilt when you walk away from people who are actually close to you?!

THE IDOL PERSONA: Why it exists, why it remains and what makes it appear.

- Why does it exist? It exists because within K-pop, with the molds and structure it has, it is necessary to mold a person until they are completely pleasant to everyone or the vast majority who are outside. the purpose of this Persona: to trim (uproot or hide) unattractive sides of the personality and bring out only what is stunning and “perfect”.

- Why does it remain? This Persona remains because it is necessary for everything to continue flowing. If an idol rips off the mask of perfection, the glamour it's gone. Problems and chaos (which was supposed to be normal) creates the feeling of being weak. And the feeling of being “weak” for letting everything come out too.

I feel that idols, when expressing themselves emotionally, showing weaknesses and insecurities, don't feel as understood or safe in doing so. This is because whoever receives these messages, who reads and listens to an ‘outburst’ from them, sees it as something almost “extraordinary”, not common for them.

Imagine what it's like to already have a pressure to carry, but still having to bear the fact that if you speak, people will see you as one of the few who talks about it - which could be seen with good eyes -, and who is seen as someone who "failed".

- What makes Persona appear? this culture of fanaticism itself and a need (what is used by the industry).

For Carl Jung, a particularly important theorist for Analytical Psychology, there is no healthy psychological life without contact with the shadows, with what is deeper and sometimes even painful and not well accepted by people. When a person focuses too much on living through their Persona, they give up on themselves. I say this because there is no self-knowledge without embracing your Shadow, without allowing everything that you disapprove or that you were taught that is reprehensible to be faced and felt.

The Self is lost, and the being is focused on its Ego, a very superficial sense of what it is. the Persona of an idol is focused on pleasing, on fulfilling other people's expectations, on being almost perfect. and that is not healthy for anyone's mind and personality, that's for sure.

Suffering must be overcome, and the only way to overcome it is to endure it. Carl Jung

Never say that it is a pleasure to live oneself It will be no joy but a long suffering, since you must become your own creator.

Carl Jung

Seldom, or perhaps never, does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crises; there is no coming to consciousness without pain. (Contributions to Analytical Psychology, Page 193)

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. (Psychology and Alchemy, Page 99). Carl Jung

A fan is a mere consumer that feeds the whole culture, even if being part of it is also becoming dependent on something. It is not always so good to drop things in your life to devote yourself to others, people who are not always helping you to evolve, in something that doesn't give you a direct return.

It is not always so good to simply spend so much time on a social network where, in the end, everything ends up being ephemeral and fictitious: the assumptions of who they are, their relationships, the analyzes of their behavior, the outbreaks by the times they appear, the struggle to make their numbers rise, without it bringing you anything direct return, without helping you to develop your personality, on the contrary, it brings you an attachment to someone you don't know but who falls so well into the temptation of “living together” because that's what everyone sells: you know us better than anyone else, you are everything to us.

This fan-idol relationship is sometimes flooded with selfish interests and does not always “save” the fan as is said. Sometimes, anxiety increases, feelings of emptiness too, the search for always wanting something new to feed on, the need to project yourself in them and live FOR THEM relationships that you believe they live, in an attempt to fill an internal void. The fear of being left out (FOMO) and the desperation of belonging to a group (fandom), defending hard “your ones”, uttering unlimited offenses to others who don't like the same as you. And simply spending a lot of time discussing the steps of your dear idols, analyzing if certain thing and attitude was right, this and that. All this, believe me, is not healthy.

#persona psychology #criticism #writers on tumblr #idols #k-idols #persona #k-pop idol persona #k-pop

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ruffoverthinksthings · 7 years ago

Note

I headcannon that China is more of a cultural influence as it's the only Asian country. They make anime, Chinese Dramas are very popular, and the food is well-known. Fashion is extremely unique as you see a lot of young people trying to look like their favorite C-Pop star (but some fashion trends make the elders raise eyebrows). Music is a special blend of C-pop, J-pop, and K-pop. (I want Lonnie and other girls to dance/sing/listen to the Chinese version of Miss A's I Don't Need A Man).

Hooboy, this is going to be a while, just like the Xiongnu and Youask!

Anyway,some historical parallels and details to establish here first andforemost:

Ibelieve that Mulan takes place during the 15th Century,with some obvious anachronistic elements and historical and regionalinaccuracies, such as the fact that the Xiongnu were actuallyabsorbed into Chinese culture by this point, the invention of thefireworks that feature so prominently in the movie itself, anddetails like the voice actors using the wrong accent when pronouncing“Fa” as they are explicitly in the northern regions.

Inour timeline and our China, this century was a time of greatexploration and expansion of trade deals with foreign countries,along with a fascination in exotic treasures and animals (such asgiraffes) during the former half of the period, with an isolationistperiod and an economic decline in the other half.

It’sreally interesting as it fits really well with the sort of attitudethat you would expect a country to have BGU to even been amenable tothe negotiations and extensive preparations for joining Auradon, andthe resulting reaction when the country doesn’t prove nearly asstable and perfect as it was advertised to be.

Tocompletely and thoroughly discuss all the effects Auradon’s fusionhad on the Chinese people would be a BOOK, not a long tumblr post, soI’m just going to stick with your ask and focus specifically on theculture.

Sowithout further ado,

“Culture in China, Before and After the GreatUniting”:

Tosay that the fusion and the introduction of many foreign, andsometimes temporally advanced, ideals, cultures, andinformation shook China to its very core is an understatement.

Inits own home realm, it was already a mecca for arts and culture,which is why they have indeed become the center for all Asiancultures because of foreign artists, dignitaries, merchants, andex-patriots from countries like Japan, Vietnam, and India, and someEuropean countries like that of Spain and Portugal.

AGU,it became an even bigger focus due to the vastness of its population,the massive growth and spread of wealth to the common man as career,commerce, and education opportunities abounded, and of course, thealready existing and thriving diversity within its own regions.

Thoughthe list of arts, trends, and cultural changes that exploded from theGreat Uniting are VERY, VERY, VERY NUMEROUS, you can verygenerally classify them into two movements:

Oneis the “Mulan” Movement (named after the famous War Hero, LiMulan, nee Fa), featuring themes, philosophies, and attitudesinvolving rebellion, breaking of age-old traditions, challenging thegender and/or societal roles (they were often intertwined, as womengot more freedoms and economic influence), liberal and democraticvalues originating mostly from London and its stores of knowledge,and an emphasis on personal realization and following through onindividual passions no matter what—being “true to your heart,”as it was popularly phrased.

Thoughthe movement was seen as a very valuable period of experimentation,exploration, and empowerment of many of the working class,minorities, and those that never would have stood a chance atpursuing their crafts BGU, it was heavily criticized for what manyaccused as “irreverence for irreverence’s sake,” the cheapeningand blasphemy of sacred traditions and elements of their society suchas the Emperor, the corruption of culture, and an unhealthy affectionand love for foreigners’ culture over that of their own, the lastmostly being attributed to majority of the new artists of this perioddrawing extremely heavy inspiration from the other states, if theyhadn’t copied it outright as is the case with covers and wholestyles like Coronian lute arrangements.

Itdidn’t help that it happened beside and sometimes instigated a HUGEamount of conflict, societal disruption, and even violent run-inswith the law, as many of the performers and fans oftentimes heldtheir events in remote locations in the mountains or seedy (forAuradon’s standards) underground venues, there was quite a lot ofworking class children who tried for stardom and ended up crashingand burning when they got roped up in drugs, too much partying, andthe fickle tastes of the masses, plus a LOT of the people whoidolized Mulan were also incredibly passionate, but WAY more violentand lacking in self control.

Thesecond is was simply known as “China’s Conservationist Period”where majority of the culture-and-future-shocked citizens retreatedback to what was familiar and established in the face of drastic andtoo rapid societal change, and what they sometimes believed was anattack on themselves and everything they held dear, an attempt toerase their very history and what makes them Chinese, to adopt thecultures and attitudes of foreigners and completely become them.

Thisxenophobic attitude was very apparent with critics and punditsreferring to many foreign acts and faces of culture as “invaders,”especially the controversial ones like the “Sex, Drugs, and Rock‘n’ Roll” idols from London.

Itenjoyed its own period of success independent of the Mulan Movement,owing to the fact that there were also plenty of foreigners whowanted to see this brand new culture and were already familiar, orsick of, the twists, new elements, and foreign Chinese artists wereintegrating into their works (“foreign” and “alien” are allrelative, after all).

Thetwo movements began to wane as societal and political tensionssettled, people at large adapted to the brand new reality they had,and gradually became more open to the change and less hostile tointegrating foreign ideals.

Theartists themselves also realized just how incredibly fleeting anddifficult it was to keep an audience’s attention in thishyper-accelerated and connected world, what with its increasinglyshort attention spans and the constant spotlight on both theirpersonal and professional lives, having to keep up a good front andappearance at all times.

Athird and very important factor was that the teenagers of thatgeneration became the “old farts” they were criticizing yearsearlier, and found themselves unable to keep up, or have legitimateinterest in the latest trends and developments, as they no longerrelated to the themes.

Happilymarried individuals rather found they don’t want to hear about thelascivious exploits of a guitarist who swears she will never getattached to any one girl.

Still,they didn’t want to abandon culture, music, and their craftsaltogether, which led to the “New Horizon” movement, generallyfeaturing fusions of traditional and modern instruments and styles,modern techniques for classic arts such as legends being told throughadvanced holograms than puppets, and the integration of “pagodas”and vibrant, Royal Palace style gardens in modern, mostly concreteand glass buildings.

Independentof periods and movements, and focusing on specific styles of cultureand arts:

Theaterand live performances experienced a massive surge given that there’ssuddenly so many avenues for performers to perform in for cheaper andwith less barrier to entry, it’s much more easy to organizethemselves logistically, and they have a willing crowd that can paythrough all manner of means, and “patrons” are not exclusivelylimited to rich merchants and the ruling class.

Recordeddramas also experienced the same popularity due to the demand and theease with which they could be produced and profit, though obviouslythey have their own market, with some overlap to the former.

Literatureexploded now that self-publication and distribution wassuddenly available, and you better believe that fanfiction bloomed assoon as people got wind of it. As with Sturgeon’s Law, though, mostof it was EXTREMELY bad, especially when you consider culturaldifferences and people only getting the appeal of certain memes,jokes, and themes VERY superficially.

Animationwise, I wouldn’t call what China produces “anime,” since Idefine anime as “animation originating from Japan,” though I canunderstand with how foreign countries produce shows clearly inspiredby and mimicking many of the distinct styles and elements from iconicanime shows, you would come to describe South East Asian animation ora certain style originating from there as “anime.”

(IfI missed any specific form of art you’d like, such as that ofpainting, it’s because this is already a lot of work as is, andthey can be answered in a later ask when I’ve had time to rest.)

Backto Movements, some common themes in these works, from both the Mulanand the Conservationist:

Rebellion,evil emperors, and impossible threats being conquered by herofigures, who are frequently outcasts, eccentrics, and vilified bysociety at large until they prove that their strangeness is whatallows them to become great.

Fantasiesinvolving being trapped in heavily restrictive and unimaginativedystopias, and breaking away the metaphorical and sometimesfigurative chains that keep the populations in line, and a sense ofoptimism and idealism despite the uncertainty and chaos that awaitstheir victory.

Loveletters to the Chinese Imperial System, with Emperors often beingcast as Divine Forces of Good, or heavenly beings locked in battlewith Evil, and needing the assistance of the protagonists to bringpeace back to the land.

Idealistic,oftentimes inaccurate, and heavily romanticized accounts of theirhistory, such as that of their legendary heroes being reborn inmodern times to revive the lost traditions and ideals, benevolentfeudal lords fighting back to the invading barbarian hordes and theirradical, dangerous new ideas and ways, oftentimes by discovering orpreserving the artefacts and culture bequeathed onto them, frequentlygiven some form of personification like benevolent spirits (inspiredby Shintoism), or even the souls of their beloved ancestorsthemselves.

Ontofood: you bet your ass the food is popular!

Iactually imagine that Mulan’s China becomes a love-letter to“Cooking Master Boy” (and still is, to this day, complete withsecret techniques, mystical glows of deliciousness, and flyingingredients from the sheer speed and force of chopping) due to howimportant the culinary arts is to their culture, and how they wereall too eager to share it with the rest of the world, both to make aliving, and to make a name for themselves in the world.

Withthe Silk Trade being one of their most enduring legacies and highestpriorities, yes, fashion did explode with China, now that they had amassive audience that are constantly hungering for new designs,incredible ease with which orders could be fulfilled and shipped allover Auradon, and the creative bloom as everyone was constantlyrubbing elbows with foreign influences, citizens, dignitaries,culture, now that physical travel was easier than ever, and massmedia really got a foothold.

(Ona side note, if you thought the current congestion and traffic inmodern day China is bad, Auradon’s unexpected automotive boom wasleagues worse, whichincidentally caused a gigantic boom in services and companiesspecializing in streaming media on the go.)

Yes,China has a massive influence with their music, especially due to themany different styles and regional differences in their country, andhow easily they could experience, sample, mix, distribute, and moreimportantly, profit from them.

Auradondidn’t have as much problem with illegal pirating and downloadingas we do, and as I’ve said earlier, the recent interest in fusionof the old and the new has lead to such songs and styles like you’vementioned.

DidI miss anything or did not expound as much as you’d like, If so, Iapologize, and please ask again, I’ll get to it when I have theenergy and interest once more.

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yenosiria · 5 years ago

Text

My Stories

Alright so. I’m going to be working on posting more OC stories but I’m putting an initial content list warning under this readmore for what you can EXPECT from the content. I use these OC’s to cope with my trauma so any of the heavier topic I do NOT idolize or fetishize. Please understand it’s for trauma cope only. And the listed topics will not be in every piece or even have full public releases.

So to start the content list there are tons of warnings I need to go over as for WHY they are present in the first place.

Yena Violetta Osiria deals with alot of misfortune and targeting by predatory males through out their life span.There are atleast two females that are included but I will not be listing names due to spoilerific reasons.

Tons of suicide and death warnings. A huge portion of the Osiria Sibling story is that their lifespan is limited and both Yen and Melody tend to die by suicide often but Yen is also often killed by passerbys. IE the characters I vaguely mentioned earlier depending on which arc or route I am writing at the time.

Rape/Molestation/Grooming warning. You probably wont see those pieces posted in detail but black outs will be evident as well as symbolism to such events. There will also be a Content warning BEFORE the start of the piece for any symbolism or description if you yourself are a survivor like me.

Drugging warning, goes hand in hand with the above paragraph. This is usually paired with any abduction sections of certain story arcs.

Tons of domestic abuse. Most all of Yen’s past partners are abusive in some way shape or form. This also applies to Melody and Luna but it’s most often covered in Yen’s portions of the story for lore. And of course my own cope for all that’s happened to me.

Shifters/Werewolves. This subject is simply a huge trigger for me but it’s a large portion of the start of Yen’s story close to their early adult hood. There is a character who leads a pack who is dead set on having an Osiria as a mate after failing a mating ritual with Melody. He has then set his sights on Yen out of both revenge for Melody rejecting his forced advances. Yen is usually captured and held by said character. This happens twice. The first time they escape with the help of Seref who is bound to Yen and has been slowly feeding of their soul since the age of seven.

The second time they is a split route. They either die because said bastard loses self control or they are rescued by a current partner depending on the AU.

Yen has the possibility of dying several times though out the span of their story. If they happen to die, their two sisters, Luna and Melody die shortly after due to a lore piece I am yet to share publicly.

Demon tethering/possession. This section specifically is aimed at the two demons Dahlia and Seref who happen to be sibling lust demons who attached to both Melody and Yen at the age of seven. At this age there was a third who attempted to attach to Luna but due to her angelic heritage as a Throne, the demon vaporized upon contact and because the Seraph Azrael had stepped in to help amplify her current power at that age. This arc is on going until Melody and Yen reach the age of twenty-five. If the demons are not removed then the three siblings will die. If only one is removed, the death date speeds up and the other will fall victim to desiccation early, dragging the other two with them. For instance, If Yen is saved first, the possession Melody happens to suffer via Dahlia occasionally will spike and Melody will be forced to Kill Yen.

This story has heavy symbolism involving lack of freedom or control over ones life. Helplessness via the situations these characters, mainly Yen, suffer through. Even with three father figures and new partners to help with support. If anything goes wrong. The Osiria Line is destined to die.

Rebirth and the continuation cycle. It is possible to reverse the death of one of the siblings. Should Yen die you must revive them within the hour. Should Luna or Melody die, you must revive them in two hours. The timer given is a glowing blooming lotus in place of the spot where their soul resides. The Lotus will slowly bloom and the petals will begin to fall. The symbolism here will be evident once I drop the lore as to why this is a thing.

The main predator of this Story is Atticus. He is a selfish reaper who coveted feelings for a deity of rebirth and since being rejected for his advances, he killed them, split their soul in three and has been rebirthing three individuals ever since. Craving their affection all for himself even if they are yet to come of age. Wishing to shape them into exactly what he wants in an ideal partner. This is why the grooming warning is present. Essentially each of the siblings possess a soul fragment of this deity. The deity is infact not immortal since they often go through the cycle of rebirth possessing a new form each time. This cycle was interrupted by Atticus and forced onto these three. There have been other incarnations before Yen, Melody and Luna but they do not remember their past lives or know anything about the deity fragments present along side their own souls.

Should Yen survive all other present arcs of their ex’s the last arc, is Atticus. Of which a few things could occur. Atticus has always wanted companionship with the deity he selfishly coveted. He searches for the incarnations of them across the globe, once finding them he stalks them and eventually crosses their path in order to make them his. He even tampered with the red string of fate in order to bind the three to him. This can of course be severed if done right.

I wont speak more than this but this is the vague warnings of the story of the siblings, I.E. A Dragon and His Kilner universe. This is essentially not only a story for me but a cope for all that’s ever happened to me in my young life and my current adult life.

#A Dragon and His Kilner #Oc stuff #Yena Answers #story #based on a true story #rp reference #Tons of content warnings under the read more #original

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teachanarchy · 8 years ago

Link

Queer self-knowledge in young Appalachia: a retrospective

The culture of homophobia and advocacy in North Carolina public schools in the 2000s, how it fit in with the broader context of the American LGBT rights movement, and how it compares with the conversation on trans issues and HB2, 10 years later

We were strange children. We were obsessed with androgyny, or unable to imagine ourselves growing up. Sometimes we were just acutely alienated, for seemingly no reason. We were vulnerable, and that made us angry. This, at least, hasn’t changed.

Each of us started out in a vacuum, finding clues only by serendipity: talk shows, offhand comments from parents or teachers. We were drawn to certain stories before we had an inkling why. For me, it was those fantasy novels where a girl has to disguise herself as a boy. For others: “Middlesex." Oscar Wilde. “Ma Vie en Rose”. Webcomics. Fanfiction. Certain online forums. When we ran out of stories, we started searching for more. When we couldn’t find any, many of us wrote our own.

We came of age in rural Appalachia under the Bush administration. Proud of its reputation as a neighborly environment, it was nevertheless overwhelmingly White, Baptist, and working class, with cultural roots deep but not broad — which often meant a deep-seated hostility when it came to the encroachment of outsiders, racial, religious, economic, or otherwise.

Growing up, I was enough of an outsider for other kids. I was quite earnestly called “hippie,” like it was the 1970s, and once even “heathen,” like it was the 1670s. It wasn’t until a few years later that I was called “lesbian” by anything but implication—and, as far as they were concerned, they didn’t need a worse word than that. (Sometimes the bullies know something you don’t.)

This was the era of “that’s so gay" and “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." It was euphemism and silence, overt harassment, willful misinterpretation of the political rhetoric of the time, e.g., “I’m not homophobic, I’m not afraid of gay people.”

It was playground games called Smear the Queer, and maybe your occasional (charitable!) “lesbians are hot, but gay dudes are gross.” I once saw a classmate get gay-bashed by being called “Clay,” as in Aiken, from American Idol, who wasn’t even out at the time.

In some ways, things changed at light speed. When my sister attended the same middle school eight years later, she told me that all her friends there were into “Glee.” I was shocked. Didn’t that show have a sympathetic, openly gay character? Like, on purpose?

In 2004, Massachusetts became the first state to perform legal same-sex marriages. I was in the ninth grade. It has been much noted that, for better or for worse, this particular issue became symbolic of the LGBT rights movement as a whole, but in the case of many sheltered Southern children it was quite literally so.

“Do you believe in gay marriage?” was (and, I suspect, still is in some circles) a code for “Are you super homophobic, or naw?” It was a neutral way to feel out someone’s views; it didn’t always have to get ugly. (And if I was spoiling for a fight, I assumed I was just being righteous.)

When we strange children found each other, we thought it was for a shared love of certain stories—and it was true—but for many of us it wasn’t the whole truth. I’ve heard so many reports of closeted kids’ witch-like ability to detect one another that I know better than to call it a coincidence.

Sometimes, my friends and I would host crossdressing parties. It was the only word we knew for what we were doing: bringing skirts and ties to swap with each other, doing each other’s hair and makeup, then sitting around eating snacks and feeling cool.

The word “transgender” was little-known at the time, at least around there. I was familiar with it, but only for having done quite a bit of research on the subject. One friend came out to me as trans our sophomore year, with a kind of furtive terror that had me half convinced she’d killed a man. Another came out just months after I first described the concept to him. I kept their secrets and snuck them both clothes and books. This was the opposite of the vicious confrontation I felt I was bound for, but it would turn out to be some of the most intimate and soul-growing work I did in those years.

In my entire high school career, I knew of a small handful of gay and bi kids, three binary trans kids, and a whole bunch of us who wouldn’t or couldn’t, by appearance or deed, perform gender the way we were expected to—but all of us were subject to the same kind of harassment, the kind broadly directed at “gays.”

And so we were in solidarity with the out LGBT kids, or considered ourselves somehow parallel but non-intersecting. Some of us came out eventually too, but not until years later—due to self-deception and self-preservation, certainly, but also because the words for how we felt were either inaccessible or simply did not exist yet. In some ways, it was like a microcosm of the urban queer communities that came decades before us—the dichotomy between gender and orientation mutable, the choices before us limited to either denial or invention.

Whatever our reasons were, we considered ourselves allies, and we got political. We had a Gay-Straight Alliance, sort of (the school forced us to broaden our scope and change the name to “Diversity Club”). Most of our activism was small in scale, providing safe spaces or making simple demonstrations of hypocrisy.

One boy was sent to the principal’s office for wearing makeup and forced to wash it off despite his argument that there was nothing against it in the dress code. A friend and I once saw in our health teacher's notes that the safest sex was married, monogamous, and heterosexual; we agreed to walk out of class if he ever said it out loud, but to our mixed relief and disappointment, he never did.

Most Thursday afternoon meetings were not really revolutionary enough for my sensibilities, but once a year the Diversity Club was the center of a firestorm: the Day of Silence, a national student protest held every April. Symbolic of the oppressive silence imposed by homophobic classrooms and hallways, it is criticized in some mainstream activist spaces for being too passive, for literally shutting up LGBT students and their allies. In our school, though, it was a high-stakes gauntlet that brought local free speech debates to the fore.

We had our supporters, but we also had teachers deliberately assigning oral presentations on that day, students throwing us against lockers or wearing homemade T-shirts with slogans like “I didn’t want to talk to you anyway, faggot," or “Exit Only” (with an arrow pointing at the ass).

We were organized. We were silent if we could afford to be, wrote down the names of students who would verbally and physically assault us, and lobbied administrators not to excuse the absences on religious grounds when conservative (or just unprincipled) students stayed home the next day for a counter-demonstration they called “Day of Truth.”

Not only did our actions draw adult protesters to campus, it was also closely documented by scaremonger right-wing websites for people all over the country to weigh in on. A quick Google search of my high school’s name and “Day of Silence” still yields headlines from those years such as: “Silenced on the Day of Silence,” and “AWOL ACLU?” whenever a student was sent home for a homophobic T-shirt, or “Students excused for skipping gay day,” whenever administrators caved on the Day of Truth thing. If the eyes of the nation were on us, we didn’t have a clear idea to what extent, or whose eyes.

In 2004 (again: my freshman year, as well as the year Diversity Club was founded), a handbook for North Carolina conservatives was published, entitled “Homosexual Indoctrination: How Safety Is Used to Promote Homosexuality in Schools.” It named GSAs and Day of Silence as among the biggest threats to family values, using words like “cunning” and “dangerous.”

Frankly, I would have been thrilled to know my enemies considered me dangerous.

Denial is one hell of a drug, though. It wasn’t until I was safely graduated and out of the South that I fell in love and finally admitted to myself that my interest in queer issues was more than just academic. Figuring out my gender took even longer. For me it had always been something personal, abstract, and unnamed. I once mentioned something about it in Diversity Club, for a friend to high-five me with an enthusiastic, “Yeah, genderqueer!”—but even presented with a term that undeniably described my experience, it took at least five more years to internalize it.

In 2008, my very first semester of college, I cajoled my way into an upper-level class on trans and intersex studies (for, you know, some reason). The first thing the professor told us was that this was a very young field of study, and anything she had to teach us could become obsolete in a matter of months. She was right: for example, as the socially and medically acceptable narrative of transness has broadened, “MTF” and “FTM” have fallen out of common parlance in favor of more inclusive terms like “transfeminine” and “transmasculine,” and nonbinary identities have gained a relatively undisputed place under the trans umbrella. That was what it took for me. Some of my other friends took even longer. Some probably still don’t have it worked out.

But of course it wasn’t just nomenclature that kept us in the dark. And it wasn’t just a dearth of role models, although that was certainly the case as well. We dreaded acknowledging that not only were we involved in a crusade for justice, we were among the vulnerable. Living authentically had to mean making a statement, throwing your lot in with a group currently under fire, and that was frightening. It felt like coming home, but it also felt like painting a target on your own back.

In 2012, Amendment 1 was passed in North Carolina, and same-sex marriage, by no means legal at the time, was explicitly outlawed just for good measure. I remember the sympathetic murmurs from my college friends. I remember waving off their condolences, claiming it didn’t affect me personally, but knowing that it sent a clear, cruel message. Of course, Amendment 1 backfired after only a few months when the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals struck it down, effectively legalizing gay marriage there and in several surrounding states.

History repeats itself. Just as America is patting itself on the back for not being homophobic anymore, the so-called “Transgender Tipping Point” (as Time dubbed it in 2014) is in full swing. In many ways, the spotlight is a boon to the community, but it also sheds light on those who are trying to stay hidden. Today, HB2, North Carolina’s infamous “bathroom bill,” feels disturbingly familiar.

Harassment in bathrooms was certainly a problem for my peers when we were in school — I remember one friend asking, "Why can't they have a bathroom just for gay kids?” and I remember laughing just imagining the moral panic. Now it has become the new dog-whistle political issue, just like “gay marriage” before it.

I have a straight, cisgender Christian friend still living in our hometown, who in 2002 was wary about the lesbians on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but who has grown into a kind and positive man. He recently told a story on Facebook about shopping for a purse for Mother’s Day when he was approached by a stranger who demanded to know, “Transgender, are we?” (like he didn’t need a worse word.) I think my friend meant to highlight the absurdity of the situation, but I found it chilling.

The tipping point is a mixed blessing; when people weren’t aware of the concept of transness, they didn’t exactly know what to look for. Before, the word wasn’t reaching the ears of people who needed it, but now it’s used like a slur in the mouths of people who hate what it represents. And this kind of hypervisibility brings a well-documented backlash of violence.

I have every reason to believe this round of miscalculated legislative aggression will hasten its own demise just like before, but that’s hollow comfort. People will die because of HB2. They already have. By others’ hands or their own, as a public spectacle, a threat to the rest of us, or so privately that no one else ever finds out why.

I know that for kids in school today, this is going to be felt acutely. I know that being a child on the front lines of this kind of struggle is a special kind of helplessness that grows a special kind of rage. I can’t help feeling both all over again on their behalf, but to me, it feels more like a flare-up of an old injury.

I visit often, but I never moved back home. In large part I stayed away for the same reason anyone from the rural South does: to find work. That said, I’m not the only person from our small school who came out and moved to New York. There’s a reason it’s a classic.

Lots of us left, or tried to. Some of us have been forced back into the closet. Some were able to stay put and strike a balance, but not nearly enough. I have a very typical queer Southern expatriate chip on my shoulder: furious at what happened to me there, furious at what still happens to my people, furious that anyone else would use their suffering as a rhetorical cudgel to distract from the exact same shit happening in their own backyards. Guilty for leaving them behind.

Obviously there is work to be done everywhere, but the appreciable “gay drain” towards more welcoming areas—absolutely understandable considering the hostility many of us have endured—most certainly deprives our hometowns and slows their progress. It happened to us; overwhelmingly, we had to form new communities for lack of existing ones to join (that we knew of). Our history has been suppressed so thoroughly that it took me years to even find out there had been a different “Diversity Club” immediately before I started high school.

Even so, I suspect this guilt is self-indulgent. It’s clear, based on my conversations with people currently involved in North Carolina public schools, that this generation of student activists is doing amazing work, savvier and more connected than ever. Queer-Straight Alliances are productive, popular, and allowed to be accurately named.

As of this writing, a transgender high schooler suing for bathroom access is on his way to the Supreme Court, and Twitter hashtags like #illgowithyou have made for highly visible allyship. Although modern social media makes it easier to both amplify and attack student effort, we still aren't going to hear about the vast majority of their work: mentorship and solidarity, like victimization, are often quiet and deeply personal.

It’s inspiring to see how far we’ve come, but for my generation it’s been hard not to grieve for the childhoods we could have had. If I'd been born 10 years later, we catch ourselves speculating... Maybe I would have figured myself out earlier. Maybe I wouldn’t have suffered as much; maybe I could have dated in high school; maybe I could have convinced my parents to get me on puberty blockers before my growth spurt. And so on. After my first NYC Pride, even as I ranted about the hypocrisy of banks and police marching in the parade, I was crying uncontrollably into my tingly beef noodles over what it would have meant to me as a teenager.

Today it’s almost impossible to live in the kind of ignorance we were born into. If you live in a city, you can probably find an in-person queer community. If you have access to the right parts of the internet, you can find an imperfect but robust intra-community conversation no matter where you live.

If all you have is the news, it’s scary and demeaning, but still much more informative than it used to be. The barriers to self-knowledge — geography, education, privacy, technology, stigma—are more manageable all the time.

Then again, some things haven’t changed enough. My high school’s GSA still has to account for conservative reactionaries and preempt concerned parents. In a video made only three years ago, members of the club recited an extremely thorough disclaimer into the camera: “Day of Silence is not gay. Day of Silence is not about politics. It doesn’t mean that you support gay marriage, and it doesn’t mean that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.”

Meanwhile, I may have left town, but the only boy I ever personally reported for harassment on Day of Silence (striding through the halls bellowing “You’re all going to Hell!"), is still there. I’ve known him since kindergarten. He’s a police officer now.

This election season has been hard on everyone in my little diaspora. Every echo of the chauvinist climate of our adolescence has us panicking, terrified we’re going to lose any growth we’ve made in the last decade — as a politicized community, but also as individuals who remember being isolated, uncertain, and afraid. Strange children. For us, the two are bound up almost too closely to separate.

Logically, I know that kind of progress can’t be so easily undone. I’m sure this cultural ebb and flow is typical. I’m sure we’re just young. This is nothing compared to what our elders have seen. I just hope by the time we’re elders ourselves, our own experiences will seem just as extreme, and just as destined for victory.

Note: this piece was written during the rhetorical hellscape leading up to the 2016 general election. Despite the results, and amidst the protracted battle for North Carolina’s governorship, I still believe everything I’ve written here. Whatever’s coming, things will never go back to the way they were. That’s both a warning and a promise. Please stay safe.

#queer #trans #writings #ela

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