#there’s been a lot going on but bleh. i wish i was better with my time management lol

[thnksfrthmmrs]

i just stayed up way too late making gifs i really need to reconsider my priorities </3

[atalana]

this is just a vent post you can interact with it or not i don't mind just i gotta put it somewhere

[adobe-outdesign]

Any thoughts on the new "Spooky" NC styles compared to the old nostalgic versions? I really like some of the new ones like the Gelert and Xweetok.

I will say off the bat that I'm not opposed at all to redrawing old colours to be more interesting; a lot of the ancient early 2000s art was literally just "the default pose with modifications". Take the original Halloween Aisha, for example; not only is the shading and overall art pretty poor, but it's also just sitting there generically smiling.

However, I will say that there's some weird classifications going on with these guys; to start, "spooky" is a pretty terrible adjective that describes absolutely nothing. It's also a bad choice because it has to be swapped out for each color (the redone Ghost styles are "eerie", for example). I've heard the term "dynamic" tossed around, which I think would've been a much better name choice that could've been universally applied to any colour.

Also confusing is that they classify any new styles for pets that were made post-conversion as "spooky", but when they made new styles for Grey pets they classified them as "nostalgic". I guess they were just going off of the poses, but still, it gets complicated fast.

And finally, I kind of wish they had released both nostalgic and spooky styles for some pets, because it feels like some of the old art changed drastically in ways that go far beyond just posing. I don't mind a few details being tweaked here and there, but some of feels like a drastic change to the pet's whole personality. For example:

Gelert: Entire personality changed (went from being more stoic and shifty to being cunty and more "bleh"). Tail has an extra segment. Hairstyle is completely different with no receding hairline. Detail around the clasp lost. Way more fluffy. Teeth and nails sharper. Cape lost the bat wing design.

Ixi: Entire face changed (eyes too big and too far up on the head, plus the eye shape is wrong), horns facing backwards instead of inwards, ear shaped changed, face and body more fluffy.

There's not inherently an answer to which design is better (I personally don't like the Gelert while Anon does, for example), but having more styles would satisfy both parties. Hopefully they'll add more in the future.

Favorite Styles:

(Good news: There were so many good ones I had trouble narrowing it down. Honorable mentions that were cut for space include the Xweetok and the Lutari.)

Poogle: The pose is not only really fitting for the pet, but it adds a ton of personality (compared to the original, which was just generically angry). A few subtle changes were made to the design, like the muzzle being light blue and the teeth being way bigger, but they're minor changes that shouldn't upset any fans of the original. The changes also feel very "pre-conversion" esq; like, you could've told me the spooky style was the pre-conversion art and I would've believed you.

Bori: Not necessarily the most exciting style, but I like this one a lot. The change to the crouching pose looks a lot more natural and invokes the Bori's more quadrupedal look pre-customization. The shading is spot-on for old Neopets' art, and I love how the design makes some subtle changes to the design that, like the Poogle, are minimal and shouldn't bother fans of the original—these include a longer, narrower skull and a different expression, more defined claws, less uniform back plates, and a less uniform tail shape.

Grarrl: Definitely my all-time fav from the Spooky styles. I just talked about this one for my Grarrl review so I won't repeat myself here, but the pose is more dynamic without being too over-the-top, the design reverts back several unnecessary changes that occurred during customization (the clasp was randomly made blue, for example), and the overall art quality is really solid, and there's not many changes outside of the addition of little claws. My only nitpick is that the eye shadow should've been bigger, but that's it.

Koi: Just the fact that it's actually holding the pitchfork is a major improvement, but I also really like the pose; it has a great flow to it and shows off the design well. Subtle touches like the transparent fins are really nice, and the design is really accurate to the original art save for a bigger pitchfork.

Least Favorite Style:

Kougra: Out of all the styles, I think this one is probably the one that's objectively different but in a way that's just kind of worse all around compared to the original. List of changes:

Pupil shape changed.

Eye color changed.

Ear shape changed.

Wings and ears drastically smaller than on the original.

Wing shaped changed at bottom.

And even if you don't care about any of that, the lineart's too thick, the shading doesn't have a clear light source and has too many layers, and the anatomy is really messed up. I like the idea of the pose in theory, but the execution is lacking. Plus, while the original pose wasn't that exiting, it did give off a nice stoic vibe, so it wasn't like it was overly "default-ish" in the first place.

[thana-topsy]

Fic Lines! Tag Game~

Thank you to @dirty-bosmer @kookaburra1701 @elfinismsarts @friend-of-giants @mareenavee @ehlnofeh and... anyone else who tagged me that I might have missed. It's been hectic irl for me, and I haven't gotten a chance to devote a lot of time to Tumblr Tings, but this seemed like a lot of fun.

I'm gonna try to pull from "Breathing Water" and "Liminal Bridges", since I'm currently working on the latter -- so I'll include some unpublished stuff from that as well!

The rules are to share:

A line from your fic that makes you laugh

“You’re in a mood,” Neloth declared through a chuckle. “And you’re distracting me. Which is not helpful, mind you.”  Teldryn leaned in a bit closer. “Is that a bad thing?” “Shoo. Away with you.” Neloth flapped a hand at him. “Let me do my work. Unless you had a terribly important reason for coming to find me.”  “Maybe I just missed you.”  “Yes, well, absence does make the heart grow fonder. So go away.”

(from Liminal Bridges) Neloth and Teldryn's banter makes me laugh a lot.

A line from your fic that makes you sad

“I do…” Neloth began, and Teldryn jumped ever so slightly. Neloth’s voice was so ragged that he felt a little startled himself, barely recognizing the sound. He cleared his throat. “I do… feel.” He twisted the stiff bedroll between his fingers. “I do.” Teldryn said nothing, continuing to look straight ahead.  “It’s just…” He didn’t know where he was going with this, but the words were clawing their way out of him, like some kind of sick, emaciated animal emerging from a cave. “I don’t think I… feel… correctly .”

(from Breathing Water)

A line from your fic you're proud of

For a long moment, all he could see was darkness. Then, the shimmering light of his spell began to catch the edges of shapes, vague and distant. Dozens of ships, scattered like the splintered bones of giants across the ocean floor.

(from Breathing Water)

A line from your fic you think could have been better

Neloth hadn't quite gotten used to the new way of things.

(from Liminal Bridges) I actually went in and altered this line to read: "Neloth had difficulty adapting to the new way of things." but I'm still not entirely satisfied with it. Bleh... best not overthink it too much, I reckon.

A line from your fic that makes you want to punch a character

“It’s not like you even teach me,” Talvas argued. “You just use me as a–a slave.”  “I’ve owned many slaves, my dear boy. If you view the meager work I assign to you as akin to slavery, then there’s no doubt you are just as weak as I previously anticipated. You would have found yourself in shackles had you lived in Morrowind not two hundred years ago.” He sneered, beginning to turn away. “But very well. Get out of my sight. Such spinelessness is unbefitting of anyone who wishes to carry on the legacy of House Telvanni.”

(from a yet-unpublished chapter of Liminal Bridges!) I want to punch Neloth often. It's why I love him so much.

A line from your fic that makes you go 'aww'

“Cold are you?”  “Damn you,” Neloth retorted, looping a leg around one of Teldryn’s. He was as hot as a furnace and Neloth groaned at the warmth, wriggling his frozen toes beneath Teldryn’s calves.  “Aye!” he yelped, trying to jerk away. “You have icicles for feet, you bloody frost troll!” “It’s your duty as my partner to warm my feet,” Neloth argued, tugging the covers up around his shoulders and shifting down to press himself against Teldryn’s side.  “Partner, is it?”  Neloth looked up, a flicker of panic catching in his chest. He’d said that, hadn’t he? Partner. Teldryn was looking down at him with soft eyes, the barest hint of a smirk playing at the corners of his lips.  Neloth cleared his throat. “Would you prefer a different term?”   “No.” Teldryn slid further beneath the covers, wrapping a warm arm around Neloth’s waist. “No, not at all. I… I like that.” He pulled their bodies together, no longer flinching away from Neloth’s cold feet. “And I certainly need to uphold my duties.”

(from Liminal Bridges)

A line from your fic that's full of symbolism

Neloth said nothing, chewing nervously at the side of his tongue as Teldryn slipped a hand beneath his linen undershirt, running a warm, smooth palm across his sides. What on Nirn had possessed him to say ‘partner’? It was supposed to have been harmless banter; their usual back-and-forth. Now, the future stretched before him in branching uncertainty, sprouting delicate buds of possibility that could so easily be clipped or stunted by the cold.

(from Liminal Bridges) A continuation from the scene that "makes me go 'aww'". Honestly it took a while to pick a snippet. I write in unintentional symbolism all the time, or so it's been pointed out to me lol. That, and I love metaphor.

A line from your fic that contains an Easter egg

“For now, we need to try to talk our way out of this. I don’t think I’ll be able to cast any time soon.”  Teldryn let out a low chuckle. “Well, luckily, that’s something I can do.” He unstrapped his bracer and pulled his right glove off. On his middle finger sat a glimmering ring – a moon and star. “I can be incredibly convincing.”

(from Breathing Water) The Moon and Star ring has a charisma boon -- it fortifies personality and speechcraft LMAO.

A line from your fic that's shocking

He looked down at his own body and a wave of sickness washed over him, coupled with the feeling that what he was seeing couldn’t possibly be real: a sword protruding from the center of his stomach.

(from Breathing Water)

A line from your fic you want to talk about more

Agatha huffed a laugh under her breath, removing an empty alembic and replacing it with a kettle on her alchemy workbench. “Your charisma is one of your greatest strengths, Mister Sero. You would make a good diplomat.” “I beg to differ,” he scoffed. “Look at all the good it did me in the First Era.”  A sudden coldness settled behind his breastbone at his own words. An odd slip-up. He’d taken great care throughout his life to separate himself from Nerevar. The phantom memories that came to him in dreams, the loyalties he couldn’t seem to shake, the opinions that seemed to spring from his head fully formed, as if crafted by decades of experience… No. It was the result of knowing his history—knowing Morrowind’s history. Teldryn Sero and Indoril Nerevar were not the same person. To imply otherwise was too frightening.

(from an unpublished future chapter of Liminal Bridges!)

The difference between past Topsy writing Breathing Water and current Topsy writing Liminal Bridges, is that I've actually PLAYED Morrowind now and have a lot more insight into the whole Nerevarine business. And I really wanted to dig a little harder into Teldryn's relationship with being the Nerevarine, specifically what that means for him psychologically. I know there are 100 different ways to spin the reincarnation, but I've settled on the shape of "He's literally just Nerevar".

I tag @vidvana @trickstarbrave @tkwritesdumbassassins @daedrabait and anyone else who wants to jump in and hasn't already been tagged!

[anxiouslyfred]

Drowned Net

Summary/ My idea for this fic: Jellyfish cryptid Remus, he doesn't mean to be unknown or hard to spot, but he's floating and following the interesting things. Humans are loud but dull and predictable to him.

Then there's Virgil, a cryptid hunter online who posts about his searches and just got recommended the Drowned Net of a small town on the shore.

Authors Note: Okay I KNOW, I freaking know for certain, this came from something @lazaruscorpse said some time ago. I cannot for the life of me find where, or remember when. Sea mentioned something about jellyfish cryptid and tumblr won't let me find it now. bleh.

/\/\

Remus was curious by nature. They wanted to know all the interesting things, like how far down would stop predators flocking to blood in the water, or how close they could get to the warm ones fucking.

In earlier years, they’d even been interested in humans for a while, but found them all too predictable soon enough: they see Remus’s back in the water and throw things at them; They see Remus’s face and either weep or scramble trying to pull them out before throwing things again.

Humanity is just predictable, even as they grew noisier and got sharper things to throw. Even the ones Remus saw in the water were dull, either lifelessly floating and ignoring all attempted to chat or screaming and splashing about.

In short, the water held far more of interest to Remus in its life and depths than humanities occasional visits ever would.

~~

Virgil’s latest challenge started, as a lot of them did, with a comment on one of his videos: No one ever covers the Drowned Net of Redwood. Are water cryptids too much effort to investigate?”

It was definitely harder to investigate them, but Virgil knew what it was like to wish something was known about and find nothing; that was why he’d started posting videos at all. So he replied, confirming the town’s location and added it to the cryptids he could investigate when up to travelling.

Now the few times Virgil had tried looking for ocean based cryptids he’d struggled to find any boats willing to take him out. Most sailors, fishermen and boat owners had healthy suspicions and a lot of caution against tempting the ocean to take their livelihoods, if not their lives. He respected that immensely and would then stick to what could be done on land.

For the Drowned Net however, no one worried about it. They laughed over ‘that old myth’ and were inviting him along before the request to could be said.

After checking if he minded being in his video, Virgil recorded a small interview with the sailer taking him out.

“Here is my Captain for the day: Thomas, tell me a little more about today’s cryptid.” He began, having already filmed a beginning for the video and knowing this could be cut depending on how things went.

Thomas shook his head, “I’m no captain, just a sailor. What questions do you have?”

“Most sailors tell me they won’t go near looking for any sea monsters or cryptids, but you like the Drowned Net?” He asked.

“What I like is animals keeping away from our boats. It’s better for us and them when they do and the Drowned Net does just that, sometimes with annoyed noises, I hear, but never any hassle.” Thomas easily replied. “Granted this is mostly things I’ve heard from other sailors.”

“Wouldn’t a fisherman want fish to come close?” Virgil asked, eyes narrowing.

Thomas shrugged, gesturing around at his ship. “I take my nets to them and even then have to try and be careful over what I catch. The wrong fish means a lot of dead ones being thrown back. Damn restrictions.”

There was a moment where Virgil nodded, wondering if he should entertain the diversion but decided to keep the interview focused. “Why is this cryptid called the ‘Drowned Net’? Is that what you think it is? I know the pictures have been thought to look like one.”

“Not at all. If jellyfish grew that big, or had solid limbs, I’d call it one of them from the glimpses I’ve gotten. Slow as the water if seen deep below on sunny day, but fast as a speedboat to dive down or away if it thinks we can see it clearly. You seen many jellies?” He asked, turning to the controls of the ship.

Virgil shook his head, “Nope, don’t get many inland. Why?”

“They aren’t the fastest movers unless a current gets them. Either Drowned Net controls currents or it can move itself better than a plain jelly could.” Thomas paused, glancing at the sky. “But we best be heading out now for the best chance of spotting it.”

“One last question: How many times have you seen it?”

Thomas paused, still looking out the window but at the waves now. “Twice for certain. Glimpses in the corner of my eye of shadows in the water leaving are countless, and as likely to be light or other creatures as the Drowned Net. My Grandpa use to say he saw it four times, following the animals of the waves.”

~~

It was fucking time and Remus couldn’t decided what to watch. So many goos and goops in the water waiting to become life, so many animals joining bodies in weird ways and they wanted to watch it all.

They had just chosen what to focus on when on of the human’s boats paused on the surface, forms looking over into the water. Deciding not to miss the show, they simply sunk lower in the water, ignoring it.

~~

Thomas stopped the boat seemingly at random so far as Virgil knew, but he went when called to look over the edge of the boat.

“Now, you’ve done your research on the Drowned Net, haven’t you?” Thomas asked, not pointing anything out yet.

Virgil huffed, feeling like he was being doubted. “Of course. I never go out in search of something unless most encounters reported are harmless.”

“That wasn’t why I asked. I’ve stopped us here because it’s a breeding spot for a few types of fish and your trip was timed perfectly for that.” He explained a little more, waiting for him to understand.

“So if we have a chance of finding the Drowned Net, then it’s more likely to be here.” He nodded, angling his camera down at the waves. “But it’s dark, how are we-”

As he spoke a paler area of the water shrank, as if something had descended drastically. “The pale shape was the Drowned Net?” He asked, a little stunned it had been so easy to see.

“I think so, but we’ll never get closer than that. It doesn’t like ships.” Thomas said, peering down as well. “Unless you’re a trained diver and haven’t mentioned that.”

“I’m not becoming a drowned man, all for a video on the Drowned Net.” Virgil replied, deadpan. It was the first time he’d actually seen the cryptid he was looking for, and just a vague shape was thrilling; definitely worth the travel.

[trashlie]

ILY FP 237

Wanna know something that feels insane? I went to go reread 151 for yknow, reasons, lmao and I noticed it came out September 30, 2021.

/2021/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE THAT EPISODE DROPPED?! NO WONDER WE CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!! NO WONDER WE'RE ALL AS FERAL AS SHINAE AND CLIMBING WALLS AND CHEWING THROUGH OUR KEYBOARDS. I can't get my head around this lmao TWO WHOLE YEARS?! What the HECK?! This has been WILD!!!!!!!

Anyway, I kind of wish you guys could have seen me immediately after reading this episode because I swear it felt like I went through the five stages of like, grief or something, for reasons I'll get to lmao like, my friends and i live blog at each other as we read and it was just a wall of screaming cat emotes sent over and over and DREAD and STRESS and some kind of dramatic chaos and calamity before we got it out of our systems and were like "okay i can be normal* about this now

*as normal as possible all things considered lmao

Anyway. AN EPISODE AIN'T IT? Let's go

I had fantasized a lot about how I waned Dieter and Nol's conversation to go, and as always, I was not entirely on the mark. That's why I'm not the one writing ILY XD But regardless, I love what we got, and we got things that I did NOT expect at all!

There's something about how it starts off with that sort of.... "we're pretending everything is normal and that you didn't totally oversee me making moves on the girl you like while i thought you were sleeping and you don't even know why I came back after blocking all of you let's definitely make visitation plans" that is so funny to me, even though that's absolutely how I expected it to go. Dieter is the master of playing it cool, much to his own detriment, but it works in this case, because Nol is so very like a feral cat, isn't he?

I'm actually really glad that we touched on the topic of visitation because I was SO CERTAIN Nol wouldn't want them to visit him, wouldn't want to be seen like that, wouldn't want to be reminded of their lives going on while he's stuck behind bars for a crime he didn't commit. And Dieter is not that subtle with the way he goes down the list of the potential visitors Nol can have - not that there's, yknow.... many..... lol but we all know what he's getting at, carefully hedging the important matters at hand. "It would make you happy if she visited you, too... right?"

Something so funny about my agitation at the end of this episode was that I so badly wanted to comment on how Nol's reaction to Dieter winning the game reminded me SO MUCH of the expressions Shinae makes lol I don't know if that's just a result of quimchee's artstyle or just one of those many things they have in common, but it makes me laugh a lot.

Dieter possesses a rather straight forward nature that I'm so envious of. I'm the kind of person who struggles to bring up things that I need to talk to friends about, too burned by past experiences that didn't go well that I still get worried that addressing important topics with my friends will go south even though I know better, so I beat around the bush, I hem and haw. But Dieter is SO direct with Nol, even as Nol tries to deflect, even as he attempts to bush it off. It's so admirable! Especially while Nol is being.... well. Nol lmao

I CANNOT believe that he really went nine-year-old on the playground being accused of liking a girl like. He LITERALLY went BLEH why would I even HURL alkfjkafjafjkafkjafjk MY GUY?! ALKFKAFJAKFKAJFKJ?1 He is akjffakfj a MENACE truly related to Nana!!!!!!!!!

I think this must be the most open and honest Nol has ever been with Dieter. When you think about it, Dieter really is the one friend who has been the most "on the outside" of Nol's life, he has only known Yeonggi, and it wasn't for malicious reasons. That's all the stuff Nol dislikes about his life, that he tries to neatly compartmentalize. Up until recently, he was able to do so. Kousuke was off his back, he was more or less free. Everything changed when Rand went out of country and Kousuke had Nol helping out at the office. Dieter had no reason to really know much more about Kousuke and Nol's relationship because Soushi joining their group meant Kousuke wasn't around as often, and we saw that they both were able to thrive (as well as possible) outside of the way of each other.

So for Nol to open up enough to tell him that he doesn't really make friends, despite how it looks. That most people don't really seem to like him, that he doesn't like his peers or his family, that they are really the only people he has let into his life is big. There's so much Dieter still doesn't know about him, but baby steps. You can't just dump all of that, even if he was ready to.

And in him saying this, to some degree I understand. After all, all this while Nol wasn't even aware of those feelings, of what she meant. I think there were moments - like at the formal when he made her laugh - but it wasn't anything like when he had his head rest upon her shoulder, feeling at peace despite his injuries, feeling calm despite the location, feeling like he could fall asleep and learned that it had nothing to do with medication that made him realize it. So on the one hand I DO get his logic, because what if he IS misplacing this feeling, what if he IS wrong, what if he's making something out of nothing?

But I'm sure on another level he knows better, because he knows what Dieter saw, because he was acting on what he felt.

I think Nol has never had feelings for anyone, because he has nothing to compare this to. He said he "tried to make it work" with Alyssa, but there's a sense that he was never actually into her, that there weren't actually any feelings there and they never grew as time went on. And now that he feels these unfamiliar things for Shinae, how is he to know?

What's really funny is that this is the same tactic as Shinae, but in reverse. When she told him we're all friends and he adamantly told her no, because he knows better, because it wasn't platonic, because their kind of friend is so different from how she's friends with Dieter. And even though he's the one who knows his feeling and suspects hers, he still tries the same logic she used: that anyone else could be in her position and maybe he'd still feel the same, that maybe it's just because he's so starved for kindness that he's responding to that.

Again, we know better, but it's so funny to me that she literally tried to use the logic that all friendships are different but also she could put anyone else in his place and it would be the same.

Please. I need them to stop kidding themselves lmaoooooo

For Nol's sake, though, he needs it to be a thing that will pass, because in his mind not only does he endanger Shinae by caring about her, but he also betrays his friend, only further hurts him, and given that Nol's whole deal is that he tries to rebalance the bad he brings into the world by making up for it with good, he's really doing a terrible job.

Unfortunately for Nol, feelings don't work like that and logic can't control them. He can tell himself it might be a thing that can pass, that it might be something that he'd get over, but that doesn't change Shinae's feelings, and the fact that she clearly likes him, not Dieter. It would be so much easier for Nol if Dieter actually treated it like a betrayal, if he was mad at him, if he felt like Nol had wronged him. He wants him to be angry, because he can at least use Dieter's anger and pain as a reason to step back, because god knows Nol himself does not have the will power to do it on his own. If he can say "Acting on my feelings is hurting my friendship with Dieter" he could have a concrete reason to ignore them, because it's not worth losing his friendship.

But that's not who Dieter is. He isn't giving him that kind of excuse.

We can see, too, just how important those friendships are to Nol, that hurting Dieter would be reason enough to drop his feelings! Because these are the only friends he has. The only people who have made him feel like he has value. Made him feel not like nothing but something. A somebody. Special. That's not something worth throwing away, which is ironically what gets him into this problem. These people made him feel special, and he came to care about them as they care about him, and in his mind this has endangered them all, and it's more than enough reason to hold them at arms' length, to smother his feelings and hope they'll die out like cold embers, hope that if he doesn't fans the flames or add new wood, it will go cold.

I really feel for Dieter having this conversation because honestly, it can't be easy. Even though he's holding himself together, we know that it still hurts. His expression with his eyes closed when he mentions how he's seen the way Shinae cries for him... agonizing! He's seen it multiple times now! He's always the one who picks up her pieces and gives her comfort, even though it hurts him to do, even though he knows why she's crying. It wasn't just what he saw that morning when they thought he was asleep - he's been watching this all along, from the beginning, always consciously comparing himself to the people in her life and how she interacts with them. Even as a friend, he doesn't have what she has with Minhyuk or Nol. Dieter knew all along what he was getting into, knew all along the way they interact, the way they gravitate towards each other, and he couldn't help but hope he might have that, too. That with enough time they could be like that. All this morning did was show him that he was never going to have that with her, that he never really stood a chance. ;~; But he tried! It's more than Nol can say right now....

Nol's agitation is such a BIG deal! Again, Dieter has never really known Nol. Yeonggi wasn't like this! Yeonggi didn't have this energy, that feral cat energy, that edge! His shock in response to how Nol responds shows that much - because to him this isn't a big deal, if he likes her then he likes her and he just wanted Nol to know that he won't hold it against him. But there is just so much Dieter doesn't know! He can't understand at this point why Nol is so emotional about it, why he seems so agitated and upset, why he's insisting it will never happen. Seeing those emotions on his face!!! The way Dieter goes from startled to defensive to concerned.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me."

That sounds so threatening! He's the only one who is hurting Shinae, what Nol is saying can't possibly make any sense to Dieter.

He doesn't know about the formal.

He doesn't know about Shinae getting tricked by Yui, how she was coerced to attend that harrowing formal in order to protect someone who it turned out didn't need protecting.

He doesn't know about the fall from the pool and how she hit her head and was in the hospital when she should have been at home getting a good night's sleep the night before her college entrance exams.

He doesn't know about the contract she's locked into.

About the roofies, about Sangchul.

About how Shinae could have been assaulted, or how she could have died.

This is the most honest Nol has probably ever been with Dieter, with anyone but Shinae at this point, frankly, and unfortunately Dieter doesn't know anything, can't understand, but what he can see is that Nol means it. The fear on his face! He looks so childlike in how distressed and afraid he is!

When we really think about it, in Nol's eyes, it is about him. That he is a blight, a mistake who was never supposed to exist. That what happened to his mom was because of him, because he exists. Because he didn't treat her well. What happened to Shinae is because he took interest in her, because she meant something to him, and that wasn't acceptable. He believes harm comes to those he cares about, but in his view that's the extent of it. It's not that Yui is a monster, it's that she's a monster to him.

He doesn't have our objective knowledge. He doesn't know that Kousuke has been drugged and manipulated his whole life, that she drove that wedge between him and his father. He doesn't know that Yui invited Shinae to Kousuke's apartment and treated her inappropriately, tried to undress her, put her in Kousuke's clothes. Does he even really understand how Shinae wound up at the formal? That it wasn't about him at all - that Shinae was convinced Kousuke did something wrong by giving her a job she didn't deserve, that she had to attend the formal to "protect his job".

So to him, it's just because it's him. Because he cares. Because he is a mistake and doesn't deserve any of this, and that they are punished for him not knowing his place. His worries extend to Dieter and Soushi as well, because they are also people he cares about, and maybe the universe will harm them, too, to remind him of his place.

He doesn't know what he has to protect them from, just that he must.

One of these days, we are going to get flashbacks of what happened when Nol was taken away to Hirahara Memorial, and I'm not ready. The way he looks so small and childlike sitting there in his bed with all of his fear and distress, all of these feelings so knotted up inside. What did they do to him when he was in there? What did they say to him, that made him so deeply internalize this belief? Almost two years of being broken down, being convinced that the things that happen to those you care about are the direct result of you caring of your existence. And that's the most frustrating part about it - it's so deeply ingrained, so intricately woven into his psyche that he can't just change his way of thinking. It's going to be so difficult to undo that thinking!

Not that this is really new to us but, just getting to really mull over this is so heartbreaking. Nol is so terrified of losing her, that he's willing to lose her to protect her. He'd rather not have her at all if it will keep her safe, if it will protect her from harm, even though it's so clear that he wants the opposite. He cares so much and it makes him so very afraid. How does he live like that?! That constant battle of wanting vs what he fears, how he let them into his life and broke his rules and in his mind this has put them in danger.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me!"

He really would rather be the one that hurts her to protect her than to take any chances and it just makes me feel SO EMOTIONAL. ;A; OKAY. Because what can you even do to help him? He is so..... I don't like it when people say the word broken, because it often feels low-key like they mean someone is too traumatized to ever be "repaired" but when I say Nol is so broken, I mean that he has been put in situations that have damaged his self-view, that have damaged his psyche, that have altered the way he thinks and feels to such a degree that he is sitting here willing to hurt people in order to protect them, because he lives in this constant fear of unknown that he cannot predict. They took this vulnerable kid and put him through absolute HELL, they broke him and then they refused to put the pieces back together.

I hope that Dieter will talk to someone about it. Is it something he can talk about with Shinae? Can he pull together any clues? He's our most observant character, but does he know enough to start to grasp this very real fear that has gripped Nol? He was there at the arcade when Kousuke and Yui came to pick up Nol, when he reacted strangely to her being there, when he slapped away Kousuke's hand. Is that something that he'd remember, think is worth pursuing? And even if so, what can come of it? He looks genuinely worried and concerned, though, and I hope that something will be able to come of it, because I think even if he can't understand what Nol fears, he at least knows that to him it's very real.

Soushi's timing with the jello just.... KILLED me. KILLED ME what a time to interrupt ;______; How do you get back to that conversation?! And especially with Kousuke there now, it's effectively over. It just!!! LKFAFKJAJFKAKJFAJKFKJAF KLJAFKJAF AKJFKAJFKAFJKAF IT KILLS ME OKAY AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGH

And while I know very well that Kousuke is there with good intentions, that he looks so haunted standing in the hallway waiting for Nol, I can't help but feel a heavy curtain of foreboding coming down, because Kousuke comes in like an omen. Because things go bad when he shows up, even when he's not the one trying to stir things up. And frankly, I don't look forward to this, because I know whatever is going to go down is going to hurt! There's something so..... I guess bitter about Kousuke's very too little too late moment, how he has struggled all these years with how badly he wants Rand's love, how much he fears not being good enough, how terrified he was that Nol could have it and replace him, the guilt for destroying a young child who was never a real threat to him (even though Yui absolutely made him out as a real threat in Kousuke's mind). It's like... knowing that Kousuke is starting to unlock this, is starting to see the insidious underbelly, while knowing it's too late. Nol has wiped his hands of him. He literally nearly died as a result of what happened the night before and even if Kousuke is coming to reach out to him, or to confirm something, Nol has no reason to entertain him, to hep him.

I feel like we are very much seeing that table turn, the role reversal. We're going to watch Kousuke fall apart, trying his best to hold himself together, with no one to turn to, no one he can actually trust, his paranoia eating him alive. It's not that I think anything heavy is going to go down as much as.... maybe we're going to watch Kousuke reach out to him, whether for help or to acknowledge something - that Nol, too, was drugged, that this must be why he hates tea so much, that so many times he ignored Nol's pleas for help - and Nol is probably going to reiterate how very done with him he is, that he wants nothing to do with him or this family any more, that he is done with them and what they've done to him. And just. AUGH ALKJAFKJJKFJKAF IT KILLS ME I'M SO EMOTIONAL I'M SO DISTRESSED BECAUSE WE KNOW WHY KOUSUKE WAS LIKE THAT WE KNOW HOW HE WAS MANIPULATED, HOW THE DRUGGING WAS USED TO ALTER HIS MEMORIES AND HOW HE RECALLED EVENTS HOW HE BELIEVES IN THIS FICTITIOUS VERSION OF NOL WHO WAS FORMED BY YUI'S WORDS AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOL IS SO WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHT AND I JUST. TRAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIC SIIIIIIIIIBLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIINNNNGSSSSSSSSS ;A;

And things just always go south when Kousuke comes around. He puts Nol in a worse mood, he starts to act out more. We literally watched this kid jump off a fucking balcony into a pool below and revisit the last time he was at the bottom of a pool, contemplating never returning to the surface! THINGS NEVER GO WELL WHEN KOUSUKE IS INVOLVED AND I'M NERVOUS AND SCARED AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ;A;

At this point, I feel like everything really is up to Shinae at this point, because Nol is back to trying to rebuild his walls and put them up as high as he can, so ready to try to ignore these feelings, to play them off, to tell her that it probably means nothing, that he must just be acting this way because she's been nice when no one else has and if it was anyone else he'd probably feel the same way and GOD I am ready for her to go off on him. He all but told her to leave and come back when you know why you're fighting so hard for me, but I don't think he's actually PREPARED for her going back knowing her feelings, knowing what she wants.

Until now, there's always been a disadvantage between Shinae and Nol in their relationship, where he is always the one with the leg up, the one who knows more, the one who is making moves, the one who is in control of things. But I think we're going to see that change, based on her very feral way of fighting her feelings, how she was about to try to break down his door in order to continue their conversation, how agitated she is by the thought of him throwing her away.

It really does come down to her pure determination, and I'm fully expecting her to go in there and get into an argument with him lmao and frankly, I welcome it. I think that's the only way they're going to get anywhere. There's so many things they need to talk about, they need a heart to heart DESPERATELY but I don't think we're going to lead with it. I go back and forth on how I expect her to go, because she was SO READY to go back in and demand her things back "if I can't have you" (SCREAMING STILL) but now that she knows her feelings... will she? I hope she will, still. Because now it's almost worse, right? That he's taken all these things from her AND he still has a girlfriend AND he now has her heart? HOW IS THAT FAIR, GIVE IT BACK, GIVE BACK EVERYTHING!

I want them to argue because I think they're both a little more honest when they aren't thinking about what they're saying, when they let the hotheaded energy take over and words come out. Nol is probably going to play the "this probably doesn't even mean anything" game, the "this will probably pass and we'll both move on" game, the "maybe i'm just a selfish asshole friend and none of this means anything" game and Shinae is too hardheaded to let that slide.

I want her jealousy and insecurity to come out when Nol tries to shield himself with “I have a girlfriend” and I want her to remind him he said it was fake and he resents her. I want her to look him in the eye and ask if he can really throw it all away, if he wouldn’t have any regrets if he gave up and left her. I want him to fail to answer and instead tell her that maybe he can, who knows, maybe none of this is really real. And I want her to kiss him and prove to him how very real it is, how very much they both want it, and how very much they need each other.

And when she pulls away he can lean in, following her, pulling her back in, his brain off because god knows the moment her mouth touches his it's all over, he's melting, his resolve is crumbling and he's going all in, pulling her against him fingers in her hair mouth crashing back on hers so hungry so touch-starved so full of want.

They can talk about everything else once she's convinced him this isn't so fleeting. She can remind him what she already said, that she deserves a choice in this matter, that leaving doesn't change anything because she still works for the company she's still under contract and now there's more she can tell him - how Yui made her an offer that would essentially tether her to them, how Rand told her to take it that he says Yui will never let her go. That it was not about him that Yui is a witch, tell him about Kousuke's birthday, tell him about the way she got tricked, tell him about the things she tried to do to her.

I've already acknowledged that nothing can undo the years of damage that was done to Nol in the hospital and through years of abuse, but I think Shinae can, at the very least, make him see that she very much is just as trapped, that she's worse off if he leaves, that together they are so much stronger, that they don't have to endure this alone. He can tell her how scared he is and she can stroke his hair and reassure him the best she can that he's allowed to be scared in front of her that she feels scared, too, but maybe she's more afraid of losing someone who means so much to her, who is literally the reason she's gotten through everything she did. That maybe he thinks he's a monster but she's something else in him, that he is the sole reason she could endure that harrowing night.

I WANT THEM TO HAVE AN HONEST HEART TO HEART SO BADLY. I feel like we MUST be going that direction. There's been too much build up not to. As Lil Anon put it, ILY has never been quick to reward, and we must go through the ups and downs to get there. We've had this moment dangled in front of us for so long but we're not getting it easy. But we can see it in the narrative - the emphasis on their mutually realized feelings, that Nol was given that 3 day extension that leads so close to Christmas, the emphasis on her mouth, that these feelings happened before he went to jail. If there wasn't going to be a resolution, NONE of this would have needed to happen, especially not the 3 day extension. Quimchee is absolutely drawing this out - and not even in the "putting up pointless obstacles just to draw it out" kind of way but in the "you are going to be so satisfied when we get there" kind of way lol. It's just so easy to get spooked because that's what the writing is doing! That's tension, baby.

Hopeful optimism is always my downfall lmao but I just feel like we ARE going to have that resolution, that even if there's no relationship at this time, they will know where they stand, that she can convince him not to push her away, that they are too important to give each other up. Whatever he's afraid of, they can brave it together! I WANT IT AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S SO CLOSE OKAY AND I'MA FLKJAFLKJAF AFLKJAFLKJAFKLA FLKJAFLAKJFLKAFJLAFKAFKLAFJAFKJFKAA

We were given two small asides about Nol's phone and the Bible, and I wonder if we'll be seeing those play out the 22nd. The phone is obviously coming in Kousuke's visit next week, but I wonder: does it even work anymore after everything that happened? It was still working after the pool fall, which feels like a miracle, but after falling from the second floor, after getting slammed around in the snow, now covered in blood, will it still be able to turn back on?! lmao I'm not sure what to make yet of Alyssa's messages left hanging like that, especially after walking "into the light" with Gun. There's the fact that she's off to some schedule, so could there be a chance for those dating rumors to come up that she has to strike down? On the one hand, they feel like they could be left hanging, which kind of feels so symbolic of their whole relationship lmao but. IDK!!!! At the very least it probably needs a charge LMAO but idk idk this is the area I get murky because I think it can go so many ways. I don't think Nol has any intention of breaking up with her at this time, especially because he'll probably try to use it as a shield against Shinae, but.... I've always felt the break up would come from her due to dating rumors. Especially because of how bad his reputation is at this point (violence, roofies which makes it sound like he sexually assaults people) it would be EASY for Alyssa's agency to spin it and make it sound like indeed, she does not have a relationship with him and in fact he has frightened her or something. They were even in public at the Christmas party arguing even on the dance floor, before what happened later so. Idk SOMETHING will come of that, I'm sure.

But I'm also hoping referencing the Bible means that maybe he will find it when everyone else has left and he's bored - especially if his phone won't turn on - and take a look at the letters Shinae mentioned, since he only thought there was the one.

This is really important to me, because I need Nol so badly to see how he stands in the same place his father did. I want him to be able to better understand his parents - how his mom stayed clinging to a married man who she could not really be with, how she uprooted her child and herself to move closer to him. How she tried over and over to be there for him, to try to support him, and Rand didn't allow it. How unlike Rand, Nol has less to lose. He isn't married, he doesn't have a child, a family. He doesn't NEED to stay in a relationship that will only suffocate him, that will turn him into a hollow husk of a man like Rand did. I NEED him to realize that he is on a fast track of following in his father's footsteps, in becoming this empty meaningless man.

I want him to see how Rand's feelings for Nessa never went away. Even after she died, he still carried her around in that Bible. In her letters, in the photograph of Nol. He carried her around because he never got over her. And is Nol prepared to live that way?

This is also why I'm perfectly fine with Nol and Shinae kissing before he and Alyssa break up, because I think it would help him better understand his parents - how Rand had a duty to his marriage, but he fell in love with someone who actually meant something, and how she was the love of his life that he never got over. To understand how his mom could be with someone who was married. For him to understand that feelings are NOT logical, that you can't really control them. He never meant to develop feelings for the girl his friend likes - but it still happened.

Maybe if Nol can understand them, it will help him forgive them a little, give him a tiny bit of peace. And hopefully help him to make the right decision, to accept the love people give him, and to face his fears together with them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[lavend-ler]

Sasha,,

HI THERE SHINA!!!! THANK U SM :DDD

How I feel about this character

oh Sasha, she has SO much potential I swear, I loove the possibilities with her character. I thought that showing Fiona care so much abt someone who DOESNT betray her is so great but could lead to her being overprotective. ig it's just my wishful thinking but I wish Sasha could just have HER moment to shine. not as Fiona's sister, not as (bleh) Rhys' crush, but as herself. show her adventerous side and let her go on her own adventures. I love this potential with her too, I think given the possibility Sasha would make a great adventerous and curious protag of her own story!

oh if only Burch knew how to write women, right

All the people I ship romantically with this character

my fave ships with her are with Yvette and with Gaige, I think in both cases her dynamics with them would be amazing 💖 with Yvette as two women who learn to discover themselves and live their own lives, free from what held them down. with Gaige as two adventerous girls, who can take on any challenge and could endlessly talk abt strategies and guns

also a little with Moxxi bc Borderlands fandom annoys me so much I just said fuck it lmaO u can't tell me with Moxxi poster in the caravan Sasha wouldn't crush on her

My non-romantic OTP for this character

as much as I can complain abt how Burch doesn't treat them as separate characters, I do like her dynamic with Fiona a lot,, ig as a younger sister myself I understand Sasha a lot there and it's dear to me. I also would love to see her interactions with Maya, I think Sasha would get along with her a lot!

My unpopular opinion about this character

uuhhh the watch scene at the end of Tales is so cringe-worthy and what Burch had done with it in the book, makes it even worse. there was no need for this and I wish Sasha's gift from Felix was just better (I have some ideas for my Tales rewrite actually but spoilers hehe)

I think she's a lesbian and all her relationships with men were comphet

I hate how ppl forget that she was abused by Felix as it's never brought up in canon but her being belittled, forced to play the "flirty one" and seen by Felix as lesser than Fiona must've been devastating for her

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

NOTHING FROM THE GODDAMN BOOK LMAOOO

aside from that I wish Sasha could become an independent person who chooses her own path and makes her own decisions. I wish she could travel the world, no strings attached and learn all abt them,, and I wish she had been in some actions of her own!

also I wish she could have a heart to heart with Fiona telling her that she needs to be more independent. also she deserves to call Felix out on his bullshit

[viridiandruid]

So I wanted to wait until after Pride to send this post, because I didn't want to bring down the feeling of celebration and solidarity that comes with June. This post is gonna have a lot of personal baggage and bleh in it that I'm sure no one wants to hear or read, but it'll be under the cut if you really feel up to it.

We all make jokes about July being Gay Wrath month. But I'd like to propose a case for making it Gay Envy. There are things I want that I'll never have, and I've gotta be okay with that. Sometimes that's just how it is.

Obviously, envy is far from something with positive connotations. But I think there are those of us out there who are a bit envious of the others in the queer community who seem to have gotten a least a little luck in some department or another. And that's what envy is, "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" according to Oxford Languages.

And I think it's healthy for us to acknowledge some of the concrete things that we wish had gone better in our lives.

I'm jealous of the queer folks who had supportive parents, the kind that go to pride with them and are so overwhelmed with love for queer people that they offer free hugs and surrogate status as a mother or father to those who don't have them. I wish my parents had been that type, instead of the kind that I will never come out to because I know they already hate gay and trans people on principle and part of me still feels a longing to be accepted home.

I'm envious of the queer kids I know who have loving and accepting family members that are religious, even those in Christian families. I hop onto Facebook every odd week and see Christian adults who grew up in the church praising, being thankful, and unconditionally accepting their queer child. Going to far as helping them make Coming Out announcements, buying them pride flags and helping them navigate life just like any other teenager should.

I'm jealous of the ones who got to date in middle and high school and act like every other teenager, going to school dances and even prom with someone they actually liked. I'm jealous of the ones who felt they didn't need it.

I'm envious of the queer folks who were born in the conventionally attractive category. Those who get by with abs, or a beard, or a good figure, or fall neatly into a category that receives praise instead of stuck in between a bunch of categories and thus qualifies for none of them.

I'm jealous of the queer folks who fall solidly outside of them, who easily define themselves as not having those traits. Those who are fat and unashamed, who are smooth and effeminate. Those who find their own community by the layer of otherness that comes with not being "Exactly Like" their accepted gender identity.

I'm envious of the men who are simply masculine, both cis and trans. Those who have deep voices that instantly identify them, who grow beards, and muscles, and chest hair, and broad shoulders. I wish I had some of those things, that I didn't get called "ma'am" when taking orders over a McDonald's intercom or asked if I'm trans by every passerby who has decided I "don't pass enough"

I'm jealous of the men who are certainly not. Who embrace their feminine sides and have smoothness and joy in distancing themselves from masculinity. Those who can engage in drag and not be held back by their bodies.

I'm envious of those gay and bi men who can pass as straight by virtue of their masculinity, who have the option to keep the secret if they want to, instead of being me who gets outed just by the way I talk or stand or hold myself while thinking. I enjoy the "as if you didn't know" jokes when Pride rolls around, but I wish it was a joke I didn't need.

Perhaps a lot of these are internalized homophobia that I need to work through. Or perhaps a strain of learned transphobia that I haven't quite shaken off yet. Some of them are definitely tied to my own body issues and aren't the fault of any of the categories mentioned or otherwise. They are my issues and mine alone. They need work, I'm far from perfect. But at least I can say them out loud to myself and acknowledge that I don't need to be perfect to be me.

And I guess this is a letter to the others out there too. Those of you who are envious. Who talk about body positivity and self-love but still struggle to love and accept yourselves. I see you. You're not alone. Because I'm still going through the same fight.

I keep telling myself that "after I move out I'll change something" or "after I graduate college and become more financially independent" or even "maybe I'll get to it by the time my siblings graduate and move on". I keep moving my goals posts, which is definitely a problem. There are people I've never fully admitted to about being gay, there are others who just know by the way I act, and some who saw the signs but decided that didn't change how I should be seen as a person (and I treasure them the most).

I hope everyone had a happy Pride. And I hope that if you chose to accept my pitch for Gay Envy, we have a growing experience seeing each other struggle and knowing we're not in it alone.

[compo67]

human resources management

so tonight i started my HRM course(s). you technically take 3 classes at a time, but break it up into thirds throughout the semester. this third is about Strategic Human Resources Management. it's a lot of networking and "making connections."

y'all, i hate networking. i hate self-promotion. i hate talking about myself in 30 seconds or less. i hate small talk. yep, whole ton of hate. just call me a hater.

i really just... want to go back to my graduate program. but i can't afford it and it's not leading me anywhere except academia, which is a whole other issue. there is always work in HR.

i wish i was one of those people who knew exactly what they wanted to do and went out and did it. like my friends A and G, who are both librarians and knew that's what they wanted to do and did it. or people who just know what they want, do it, and are successful-happy about it.

i've always been a creative person. when i was a kid, i wanted to grow up to be an artist or a writer. well, i am both of those things in a way... it's just not my career. and i don't know how to make it that. i don't think i would want to be a full-time writer or artist, which is why i never formally pursued either of those things.

sigh. i just felt like a little kid in a room full of adults. and i was a bored little kid. not to mention that i sat there in pain because of course it's been a pain day. this is day 3 of a flare. there's so much fog in my brain, it looks exactly like the fog we got going on outside. all i want to do is sleep and i can't even do that correctly. i always wake up in pain and feeling more exhausted than i did going to bed the night before. i can sleep 10 hours and still have it be not enough.

taking these classes also reminds me of going back to work, which i'm not ready to do yet. i know i have to/need to go back to work. i just don't want to. not yet. then part of me is scared that i'll never go back to work.

idk. i'm really torn about these classes and this path. i know i need to give it more time. maybe if i sleep better i won't be such a hater.

tonight i'm going to try a muscle relaxer before bed.

maybe tomorrow i'll have a better day overall and things won't feel so overwhelming. maybe if i start on some homework, it'll quell some of this anxiety.

i'm supposed to hang out with the gals tomorrow night, but i think i'm going to skip in favor of doing homework and watching the game. but then again, i do need some socialization.

bleh. everything is bleh. i didn't write or paint today. i'm behind on both.

everything is awful and i'm in pain and i just wanna cry.

[amyyythestarry]

Tsumitsu headcanons ?

Well I have a lot of them, but I can’t properly list them rn.

Altho, I added two new ones.

Basically the olive theory, if u don’t know it it’s just someone likes olives, and the other doesn’t, and that’s what makes them a perfect match. Tsukasa loves olives, Mitsuba hates them.

They do crotchet together, but Mitsuba knew how to do it first and taught Tsukasa. But Tsukasa only ever does it when Mitsuba brings it up bc he forgets he can knit, even if it’s mediocre.

Tsukasa and Mitsuba also do each other’s hair sometimes, whenever they have sleepovers, or are helping the other get ready for the day, or smth.

Since they basically have the same hair type ( Bc Mitsuba has 3A and 3B hair/hc ), they do a good job managing each other’s hair. Like doing finger coils, or twist. It’s pretty fun.

And Mitsuba has longer hair than Tsukasa so Tsukasa loves doing his hair bc he just likes long hair, even if it’s shoulder length.

In a sense, Tsukasa’s hair isn’t that short if we’re talking about curly hair. Curly hair tends to shrink when it’s dry vs when it’s wet, so whenever his hair is wet it’s like, a little past his ears. But when it’s dry it shrinks up.

Same with Mitsuba. His hair is originally all the way to his shoulders, in canon it’s only a little past his ears.

So yeah. Tsukasa likes the wash n go’s with Mitsuba’s hair bc, again, it’s pretty long. And with long hair you can do a lot of styles. He likes half up half down, buns, the claw clip one, and occasionally a braid ( Mitsuba doesn’t usually let Tsukasa do that one bc he has been mistaken as a girl more than usual like that ). But Tsukasa likes about just everything with Mitsuba’s hair.

Also it depends on how Mitsuba is feeling on a sensory level ( Also fashion level ) to have a wash n go. Bc as an autistic black person myself I think that would be a nightmare to have soggy hair and just walk around with it, hoping it dries while u’re out. Like having fresh braids, I hate the feeling. I love getting my hair done with braids but I just hate the feeling, it’s itchy and my head always feels so tight.

Bleh.

But enough about me and hair.

I imagine it’s easy to persuade Mitsuba if u’re Tsukasa.

Like, not talking about when Tsukasa threatens Mitsuba only tho, also like, puppy dog eyes.. Can u do this for me plz Mitsu….

So easy. Bc ur his bestie, and he would do about anything for his friends. But esp Tsu, bc he was the first.

Rando scenario, Halloween costume, or just cosplay fun thing. And this is of the original, third mystery supernatural and wish-granting supernatural kind of original.

They both want to dress up as Draculara ( Idk if I spelled that right.. ), but end up fighting for the role.

“Well I’m pretty just like Draculara, even prettier!”

“But I have the personality for it, ur more cocky!”

“Well I alr have pink hair!”

“Well I alr have black hair!”

“My eye colors r almost the same color as her’s!”

“…. I alr have fangs. Natural ones.”

They keep fighting, and Sakura, or someone else is tired of their arguing so their abt to stop it until—

“But…. Mitsuba.. I’ve never dressed up for Halloween before..” [ Insert extreme puppy dog eyes, or maybe sad kitty cat eyes ]

Silence, and Tsukasa goes on. So sad…. Didn’t celebrate Halloween in 1956+…

Get’s in Mitsuba’s face, puts on the saddest face he’s ever put on, saddest face Mitsuba has ever seen him put on.

Mitsuba looks like he’s not willing to give up, bc he doesn’t say anything. So Tsukasa sighs and gives up. But Mitsuba exclaims,

“Ok ok fine!! Here, have the role! I guess I’ll be Lagoona or Cleo!” Crosses his arms and turns away.

Tsukasa hugs him rly tight and agrees that Cleo is a much better role for Mitsuba, and I agree too.

That also leads up to my next topic.

Nicknames.

Omg I read this one rly cute Tsumitsu fanfic on AO3 and in the fic Tsu called Mitsu ‘cocky strawberry/strawberry’, and when I tell u that became my new hc.

Cocky strawberry, that’s the one.

Mitsuba for Tsukasa tho��.. Maybe like, teeny tiny.

Bc Tsukasa also calls Mitsuba ‘Mitsuba-chan/Mitsu-chan/Strawberry-chan/Cocky Strawberry-chan’, as a joke bc chan is usually feminine and Mitsuba looks like a girl. He thinks it’s funny ( It is ).

But Mitsuba hates it, and knows Tsukasa purposely makes him mad with that. So, since Tsu is so short, teeny tiny, tiny, teeny.

Or Tsu-chan/Tsukasa-chan, just to make it rly even.

Probably also clumsy or smth too, bc Tsukasa’s clumsy.

Yeahhh. I’ll prob add on to this later, but that’s all the ideas I have for now.

Also I’m sry for not answering this ask sooner!!

[hellsbellschime]

I'm sorry that you're going through so much. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better but please don't be so hard on yourself. You're trying your best, you deserve credit for all your efforts. Don't let her dampen so much of your peace. If you could (I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive) maybe you could detach yourself emotionally a little bit. That's difficult obviously. But my dad once told me that you should treat people's words and insults as something that they are extending to you, like an offering, and it's not necessary for you to accept them. You can choose not to accept them and leave them floating around in the air. It has helped me a lot. When I'm stuck in a situation when people are insulting me or demeaning me, I usually try to remember that that person doesn't know me, not really. They only know a fragment of my life and of my personality. They do not know the things I feel or how I process things. All they know is to perceive my actions through their beliefs of right and wrong. And in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't matter if they believed that I'm an asshole or a stupid person. Because it doesn't matter that they think that, our correspondence is temporary.

Anyway, take care of yourself. Things will get sorted out.

Thank you, and honestly I feel extremely emotionally detached to the point where like, it's not what you're supposed to say, but she's old and when the time comes I think it will be a relief more than anything. And unfortunately what your dad says rings pretty true, it's ironic because my mom is sooooooo dependent on me in so many ways and she just sucks the life out of me like angry Dracula, but she really doesn't know me well at all because she just doesn't see beyond herself. There are so many weird ways in which I realize that I was just like furniture to her, so even if I've spent my entire life with her she understands and knows so little about me that it's like dealing with a stranger. Or maybe a better analogy is that I honestly felt like she had a kid because she just wanted to have someone who couldn't escape her, but because of our weird dynamic and the fact that I weirdly became the more parental figure in the relationship, she treats me how I feel like young kids treat their parents, i.e. they have no concept of them beyond being "mom".

And any emotions aside, the hardest part is legit just having to cope with a mean-spirited lunatic, like it's not even in a "this hurts my feelings" way but in a "I do not have the mental energy to deal with this shit so I'm gonna freak out" way. Bleh, I'll be fine, it's just that as per fucking usual, when it rains it pours, and today it has really been piling on the stress with zero relief. It also sucks because it's like, I know I can deal because I've done it a hundred times before, I just don't. Want. To. Again.

[minty-creator]

So I started playing Echoes.

My thoughts on some characters- (I am Act 3, please do not spoil :))

Berkut seems like a neat antagonist, but so far seems kinda plain. It might just be that my standards are high considering I played the Sacred Stones first. (Lyon was one of the best antagonists. Fight me.)

Alm, my dude, how’s the undiagnosed ADHD going for you, man?

The Ram Village crew has a special place in my heart… Minus Faye. She’s nice n’ all but kinda.. bleh. Plus her offensive value is kind of nonexistent.

My introduction to Luthier was through Fire Emblem Heroes, and I was kinda worried he’d be like a less intense version of Bernadetta from Three Houses, but I am actually really happy I was wrong. He’s probably one of my favorite mages as of right now and his relationship with Delthea is really sweet.

I’m actually kinda mad Alm has supports with like… three characters. Two of which are plain ladies who I *REALLY* want to bench and one who I don’t have yet (Mycen). It just seems like wasted potential, especially with characters like Luthier, Clive, even the rest of the Ram Village crew. It just makes a lot of characters feel… shallow to me. I mean, Luthier has openly called Alm his “first human friend” in one of the dungeon dialogues i’ve seen. It would’ve been nice to see the two interact more outside of the dungeons. (Plus, it also opens the avenue for a support with Delthea, the first one kinda being Delthea making sure Alm wouldn’t hurt her brother, and the rest being Delthea trying to rope Alm into some BS).

Tatarrah. Annoying bastard, yes, but cmon. Why no vs. Dialogue between him and Luthier. Let Luthier be a vengeful little bastard, as a treat. If there was a Luthier vs. Delthea dialogue, I missed it but I’m gonna be sad if I look back and there isn’t one.

In Protagonist Sense.

Alm’s the favorite. I’m not 100% on Celica. She’s neat, yeah, but just kinda seems a little hypocritical. She scolds Alm for saying how Lima was a bad king when, in all reality thats fairly true. Did it strike a nerve for her, yes. But was Alm necessarily wrong? No. The situation could’ve been handled a whole lot better, but I do get that there had to be the route diversion. I just wish that whole conflict was a little better written.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty chill day. I wish I had like fully relaxed and enjoyed that part a little more. But it was still a really nice day.

I didn't sleep amazing. I kept waking up tangled in the nightgown slip dress I wore to sleep. And I felt a little off. Kept waking up every couple hours like I was missing something. I don't remember James leaving but I do remember their alarm going off.

When I got up for real I didn't want to be awake. But I also didn't want to be in bed anymore. I just felt bleh.

It would shake off pretty quickly though. I got washed and dressed and I felt cute. I like this dress. I like the hem detail a lot.

Then I started getting messages. 95 collapsed?? Apparently a truck was on fire and melted the beams. But the videos look like the end of the world. I saw a post after that that talked about soft apocalypse. How we are told it's going to be one big event but more and more it feels like we will have a million of these small, soft cataclysmic events. And it just gave me a lot of pause.

I would spend a few minutes gathering myself and then I was off. I drove to the grocery store and got all the things I needed for my cheesecake pudding and my dip. I also got myself yogurts for lunch this week and some flat bread that was on clearance. And then right back home.

I spent some time taking the stone out of the cherries and cutting the strawberries. Everything I made was no bake so it was easy, just needed to be assembled. Cutting the fruit took the longest part. But it was fun. I was having a nice time.

I added more water to my fish tanks. And then made a little lunch snd played animal crossing for a bit. I redesigned a little outside kitchen that was previously set up for Thanksgiving. And then I would just spend some time lounging on the couch.

Our neighbor, Nick, texted to ask to borrow a screwdriver. And we chatted in the hall when he came down to get it. And I would just go back to hanging out on the couch.

I would get back in on working on my proposal document for the Native American program. And would send that off to camp. Nervous! I hope they like it. They don't have to agree with me about everything but I have some hopes. And if they say yes I'm going to have a lot of work ahead of me!!

Once that was sent off I spent some time sorting all of our change. First from my market cash box. And then into jars. I also decided to go through all of our pennies and ended up finding 4 hay pennies. Including on from 1910!! Cool! This penny has been through so much!!

I put my hay pennies to the side. And spent some more time watching videos and sipping water. I would eventually move out to the fire escape, one the sun wasn't on it anymore. And sat with Sweetp and watched the world.

I would come back inside and chill and wait for James. Who came home with French fries for me!

They would get a quick shower and got dressed. They looked so cute. And then we were off to the end of the year party at Ashley's.

Her house was so cute. It's actually in one of the areas we are looking at houses so that was cool. And it was super nice seeing all my friends from work I havent seen in forever. The old people's especially. I got lots of hugs.

It was nice sitting outside. Both in chairs and sometimes in the grass. Talking nonsense. I even made friends with my old coworker, Kathleen's, son James. Who realized I would listen to him and judge how long jumps pretty fast so I kept giving I'm honest scores (4 out of 10) and when he got better I gave him better scores.

James made me a bugerless burger. Which was just cheese lettuce tomato on a bun and grilled. And I enjoyed all the sides. Well the ones that weren't crab based. So many crab based things. Really though the conversations were the best parts.

Meril and her friend and her husband came and it was fun hanging out with them. And while a storm is coming in, it was beautiful out and I just felt great.

Soon the young people started to leave. I would stop and chat with Mike about his own wedding planning. They have looked at 17 venues!! Wild. And then me and James would grab our dishes and headed home.

I started getting a light headache so I was glad to be going home.

When we got back here I was messing with James in the car and we were giggling a lot over screaming music. And then when we got inside I took a shower and then James insisted we do some stretching. Which did help a lot honestly. I cut sweetp's nails, which he yelled at me about the whole time but sat still for most of it.

And now we are in bed. I feel dehydrated so I'm going to drink some water and get ready for bed.

Tomorrow I am not sure what my day holds. I think I'm going to camp but that is very unclear. I do have a rhumatologist appointment and then in the evening I'm picking some people up from the airport. I hope it is a nice day, even if it's raining.

Sleep well everyone. Be safe!!

[ricco4]

You know, I’m pretty socially anxious but staff remembering my order makes me feel loved a little bit actually.

There’s a little Mexican place that’s mostly drive thru in my town and they have such good food that there’s never not a line, from 6am to 2pm five days a week, so they see A LOT of people. The other day I was feeling a little bleh but I was really craving their gorditas so I swung thru the drive thru to get one. When I pulled up to the window the lady instantly recognized me, even tho I haven’t been for at least a month, AND knew I usually got two instead of one. She asked me specifically if I was sure I didn’t want two and when I politely said ‘no just one today thanks’ she took a second to stop and ask if I was ok.

Y’all, I’d been getting over a pretty bad stomach ache I’d had for a couple of days and even tho I’d mentioned to several people I hadn’t been feeling well and really wasn’t eating, only one other person I knew had asked me about how I was feeling, and now here’s a member of staff at a restaurant asking if I was alright just based on my order.

I told her that’d of been unwell for a couple days but had been craving their food, but that I couldn’t eat my normal amount. She wished me well and told me to get better soon, and gave me a bigger tea to go as well ☺️ Sometimes it’s the littlest things that warm your heart.

Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.

[ventilation4thesoul]

i am sick :( like pretty damn sick as far as colds go. Sore throat and 103.4 degree fever lol. dad said if it got to 104 id go into an ice bath ;-;

i overall dont feel awful awful, but my head has been swimmy a lot. i texted po just incase they got sick too, they said for me to take care of myself, i know hes still pissed but it was nice at least, the slight concern. i expected an "ok" or nothing, honestly. I have been bing watching brigerton tonight and i see a lot of the good from me and po in peneolpoe and colin. it makes me happy. in verse i see a lot of the bad (and even some good, but still toxic) parts of me and po in IWAV with louis and lestat. bleh. i love and hate that i see us everythwere, that i see her everywhere.... i got super horny again today, being sick does that, for whatever reason. Ive been thinking about hte last time i had a fever and me and po fucked like crazy, i remeber him moaning at how warm i was, im aready super warm but i was Hot and it felt great. it felt so nice and brought so much relief to me too, made me rest, ironically. i wish we could do that right now. i wish i could cuddle in his arms and get my head pet when its aching, and have a cold bottle of water brought to me when i start coughing.

it is easier today despite all the feelings now, to be without him. maybe its bc i got that 1 text, im not sure. we'll see how i feel tomorrow about it, but im hopeful. waititng till thrusday isnt that long. it is the longest weve ever gone without talking, which is wild to me. but i will indure lol. this will be better for me, i think. giving my brain an ACTUAL break to think about things and to do the oppoite, not think about them. for now im sleepy and drowzie and icky feeling. gonna cuddle up and hope i dont have any crazy fever dreams.

[cherrrydragon]

hiya pooks, i wanted to get to know you more so i have a couple fun questions for you that include my personal answers! (i’m an oversharer)

1) fav media of spider-man?

i looooooove ultimate spider-man. i think it’s so over hated because the kids who watched spectacular grew up and were upset the next spider-man show was a kids show and not an adult show made for them. the fact that there just so much room for cameos from all other marvel media really helped me build a love for marvel as a whole. i wouldn’t know half as much marvel lore or characters without it since i never read the comics. (too poor to continuously buy growing up + can’t read comic panels over screen cause bleh. i think it was our first time meeting miles on screen too, which was awesome!)

it showed me who spider-man was at his core, a good person. and that’s what stood out to me. it also showed me that spider-man was super funny and always had a ‘quip’ lol. bonus points for ps4 spidey for being the first game i played of him and into the spider-verse for literally changing animation for the whole world. straight up best movie ever made.

2) fav media of dc?

gotta be the 2022 batman for me. i was so happy they finally got him right on the big screen! it took so long for people to realize that batman is only fear to his enemies, but hope to the people. they also count have picked a better catwoman! and the fact that the riddler is just some guy? mwah, perfection, amazing, incredible!

side rant; everytime i see someone mention how they thiugtt he robert patterson didn’t play a good bruce i wanna scream. how are we lacking so much media literacy nowadays that we can no longer recognize this is before he gets his whole playboy persona. he doenst even have financial stability! he’s literally just learning who he is. there’s deadass a whole scene dedicated to him trying to go into the club as batman and getting turned away vs being welcomed in as bruce and realizing bruce wayne has actual value to fighting crime.

3) fav non live action character?

sam anderson’s nova is so fun! he’s such a sweetiepie. i know earlier i said i don’t read the comics, but i do listen to them. i really wish they would put him in as teen trying his best with the guardians of the galaxy <3

klarion the witch boy is so silly (especially in young justice. his va is perfect for him.) he literally just terrorizes people for funsies. gotta love the lord of chaos and his cat.

hi hi! i just wanna preface this by saying a lot of media im a fan of i havent actually watch/read/played just because i cant truly sit down and consume content like i used to when i was younger. literally yesterday i watched the second deadpool movie after like, maybe 2 years since watching the first one (and i probably wouldnt have watched it if the new dp and wolverine movie didnt come out LOL) so i can't really answer these as efficiently as id like but ill try my best

fav media of spider-man?

before it would've been mcu spiderman simply because i havent watched the raimi or amazing spiderman ones, but now without a doubt i can say the spiderverse movies are my fav ones! all movies are pieces of art, but the spiderverse movies are truly by and for art kids. the animation and art is beautiful and i think the way it so artistically connects all things spider-man is really cool.

2. fav media of dc?

so... the last time i watched any dc media was when i was way younger LOL. i distinctly remember watching dc super hero girls, justice league unlimited, the flash (tv) and i think arrow (tv)? but like i said, i was young and don't remember much. ive seen from numerous people that the dc timeline is kind of a mess and that + the fact that there's so much content is what's keeping me from consuming it now. on the topic of batman 2022 there's literally nothing stopping me from watching it but i havent LOL i just cant sit down and watch it. i think the brainrot got to me rip.

i think what stops me from consuming content is the fact that i become a fan of it without actually participating. i read so much fanfic that i learn the plot of things through there, and because i already know what happens i dont desire to spend time and take it in. i might be cooked ngl. but anyway, no official favorite dc media from me

3. fav non live action character?

dude theres like way to many to name but one that comes to mind immediately is black cat (i dont think she's been in any live action from marvel yet?) something about those cat burglars man... LOL. i know this doesn't really count but i really like her portrayal in "Dark Matter" by mysterycyclone on ao3 (and amazing peter parker in gotham fic, highly recommend) i truly love the idea of the thief becoming friends with their crimestopper, because like catwoman, they aren't really hurting anybody (at least, from what ive seen)

as for dc... like i said i have not consumed enough media to pick LOL my bad 💔