#there’s a couple other books i own that i think might upset me. will have to make a list and work my way down it lol

[nb-octopus-writes]

once you’re in the hive, the other bees assume you’re supposed to be there

[Masterpost]

Chapter 8: One Could Get Used to This

Wordcount: 1.5K

~~~~

No-one comes to drag Virgil out of bed. He wakes on his own the next morning and for a few moments contemplates getting out of bed, but then he rolls over and goes back to sleep. It’s his day off, he doesn’t have any plans, and he is cozy.

He wakes again around noon, and wanders downstairs. There’s no-one in the sitting room, but he finds Patton in the dining room, curled up in the armchair with a book.

“Good morning!” Patton greets cheerfully. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Virgil says. “You?”

Patton’s eyes crinkle up in a pleased smile. “I did, yes, thank you,” he says. 

Virgil fidgets, just a little, and he glances back toward the door. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Hm,” Patton says thoughtfully, tapping the book against his chin. “Logan’s in his office, and last I saw him, Roman was still asleep, poor dear.” He chuckles. “You two sure were up real late last night. And Remus and Janus aren’t here right now, but they were going to come to dinner, so they should be arriving in a few hours.” He pauses, thinking. “I don’t think anyone else was planning to be here today, but I might have forgotten something, or they might’ve forgotten to mention it. That happens sometimes.”

“Must make meal planning difficult,” Virgil says.

“It can,” Patton agrees. “But I like to make sure we have plenty of leftovers anyway, so a surprise guest or two isn’t very hard to accommodate.” He smiles gently at Virgil. “Are you hungry? Would you like some breakfast?”

“If you’re offering,” Virgil says, because they have been incredibly hospitable to him so far, but he doesn’t want to presume anything.

“Oh of course,” Patton says, setting his book down. “I hate to leave anyone hungry when there’s food in the house. What would you like? Are you in the mood for a breakfast breakfast, or something more lunchy?”

Virgil hesitates. “I don’t want to make you cook something just for me,” he says.

“Oh, it’s no trouble!” Patton reassures him. “I like cooking. But we do have leftovers in the fridge if you would like something quicker.”

Virgil nods a little. “What are my options?”

“Well, we’ve still got plenty of what we had last night, of course,” Patton says consideringly, getting up and heading towards the kitchen. Virgil follows. “And I made a fresh batch of boiled eggs this morning.” He opens the fridge and peers inside, then waves Virgil over. “Take a look, anything look appetizing?”

Virgil joins Patton in front of the fridge and looks inside. ‘Plenty of leftovers’ may have been an understatement. The fridge is quite full, mostly of containers. There’s no way Virgil can possibly see all the options without taking most of the contents out to see what’s behind them, and he is not about to do that.

Trying to be quick, Virgil scans the food visible through the sides of the containers. He sees white rice, mixed vegetables, something brown that’s probably gravy, mashed potatoes, a couple drumsticks… 

He knows, reasonably, that everything in this fridge is probably very good. He is also sure that if he was sat down and served any of these choices, he would eat it without complaint and be pleased with it. But just now, looking at the leftover containers, his stomach and taste buds rebel, and nothing looks appealing. 

“I don’t know,” Virgil says. It’s not that he isn’t hungry. His stomach is very helpfully informing him that it is currently empty. It is just also telling him, simultaneously, that there isn’t a single food in the entire world that will satisfy, and unfortunately it has annexed his tongue to its side. His brain, meanwhile, is yelling that he’s taking too long to decide, and he needs to hurry up and pick something before Patton gets upset at him for letting all the cold out of the fridge.

Patton makes a sympathetic sound. “Too many options to choose between?” he says softly. “Would you like me to prepare you a plate?”

Virgil’s very bones go limp. “Yes please,” he says weakly, glad to have the decision taken out of his hands.

Patton rests his hand gently on Virgil’s arm. “Why don’t you go wait in the comfy chair, and I’ll bring you some food in a minute,” he suggests gently.

“Okay,” Virgil says, and goes. Just as he settles, Patton appears in the doorway again with an empty plate in his hands.

“You don’t have any dietary restrictions, do you?” he asks. “I know it’s a bit late to be asking, but…”

“No, I’ll eat anything,” Virgil says, fondness rising in his chest. “Thanks for checking.”

“You’re welcome,” Patton says, and goes back into the kitchen. He returns a few minutes later, the plate now laden with a large slice of lasagna. “Do you want to come eat at the table, or over there?” he asks.

“Table, definitely,” Virgil says, moving. Much less risk of spilling red tomato sauce on their furniture that way, plus he’d rather not try to balance a hot plate on his lap right now. He sits, and Patton places the plate in front of him. Virgil’s eyes go wide. In addition to the lasagna, there’s a slice of home-baked bread with butter and jam, and a small heap of peas and corn. “Just how big do you think my appetite is?”

Patton chuckles. “Sorry,” he says. “Force of habit. Roman would clean that plate and then ask for seconds, especially after sleeping through breakfast.”

“I can believe it,” Virgil says with a laugh.

Patton pats his shoulder, then moves away. “If it’s too much, we can put some of it back,” he says as he reclaims the armchair. “You don’t have to eat all of it.”

He’s certainly going to give it his best go, Virgil’s stomach informs him seriously. His tongue agrees.

Virgil starts with a large bite of bread. It’s no longer fresh-baked, but Patton had re-warmed it. Toasted, maybe? There’s a bit of crunch to it, though it’s still pleasantly soft, not hard as a rock like most toast.

Roman makes an appearance when Virgil’s about halfway through his meal, wearing only a white tank top and a pair of red shorts. Virgil isn’t sure if they’re loose boxer shorts or thin actual shorts, but he’s not about to stare at Roman’s crotch and/or ass long enough to figure it out, and he’s certainly not about to ask.

Probably they’re actual shorts. Roman has so far struck him as having somewhat more decorum than Remus, and probably wouldn’t walk around in just his underwear with a random person in his house.

Probably.

“Ooh, that looks delicious, I want some of that, is there more?” Roman says in greeting, completely oblivious to Virgil’s inner musings.

“There’s one piece of lasagna left, and plenty of the rest,” Patton tells him, and Roman strides into the kitchen.

He returns after a few minutes with a lunch identical to Virgil’s, except that the heap of vegetables is taller, and he has a second, already half-eaten slice of bread in his hand. Also his jam is a different color. Roman plonks himself down in the chair diagonally adjacent to Virgil and grins at him. “Good morning,” he says cheerfully. “I see you did not flee into the night like Cinderella.”

“If I was going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight, it would have happened well before Patton came to tell us to go to bed,” Virgil points out.

“True,” Roman agrees. He turns and points his fork at Patton. “Patty Cake, if he ever turns into a pumpkin, don’t bake him into a pie,” he says.

Patton laughs. “How many times must I promise not to eat him?” he asks.

“Once more, it seems,” Virgil says. “For what it’s worth, I believed you the first time.”

Patton’s eyes twinkle. “I appreciate that.”

“Did you sleep well?” Roman asks Virgil. Virgil nods. As if he could have slept poorly, in that bed. And it was certainly nice to get to sleep in late. “Good, good. After breakfast, do you wanna watch more tv?”

Virgil laughs. “You’re insatiable,” he says.

“We left off on a cliffhanger!” Roman defends. “And I, for one, was thoroughly enjoying myself up until the point at which we were reminded of the cruel passage of time and the physical needs of our frail human bodies.”

“I was having fun too,” Virgil agrees. And, well, he doesn’t have any better plans for his afternoon off. It’ll be fun. He’ll just have to remember to actually bike home before it gets dark again.

“Excellent!” Roman says, clearly taking that as a yes, and tucks into his meal with gusto.

~~~~

Chapter 9: Come for the Bike, Stay for the Game Night - WIP

may have a brief break in my regularly scheduled chapter posting, as I've caught up to myself and am still writing chapter 9. So, we'll see if it's ready next week, but likely not.

[fingertipsmp3]

Tbh it’s been so long since a book has made me feel completely and utterly insane. I need to read something that’s going to make me want to scream and peel my skin off

[daydreamerwoah]

Love Through It All Pt. 3

tw: mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce, hurt, angst, anger, crying, sadness, therapy/counseling

I don't condone cheating at all. But I know every marriage and even relationship is different. What one person might do in a situation, another might not do it..... Every time I write something, I'm always writing with the thought of the main goal being OC or in this case 'Y/N' ending up with the man I'm writing about (in this case it's Ghost). So this is going to be angst... but Y/n & Ghost are going to stay together at the end of this little story....

If this upsets you, pisses you off, or you hate it... I'm sorry :( Sort of my first time writing angst like this, so send me the feedback plsssss.

ALSO - I'm not a counselor or therapist, so please note the "session(s)" that Y/n and Ghost attend may not be how therapy actually is supposed to go, but for the sake of the story let's pretend it does.

It was weird. Strange. Confusing.

A few days had passed since you agreed to go to counseling with Simon. You tried not to, but the ghost of a smile that formed on his lips when you said you would go had you feeling so many emotions. You hated yourself for it. You also hated yourself for how you loved that Simon wanted to work on your marriage and himself.

He came home early every day in those past days, even if you two didn't have dinner together. Even if you two hardly talked to each other, he was at home. It was odd. Walking around in your own home trying to ignore him, and it was eating him alive.... and you too.

On more than one occasion, he would sit out on the patio with you, even if you didn't say anything to him. You honestly wanted to talk to him, but that felt too foreign; too prohibited. Couples that were going through divorces couldn't be so domestic, could they?

It wasn't until the night before you went to counseling that your coworker, Ava, begged you to go have a drink after work that you found out if other couples had gone through something similar. You tried your best to avoid her questions, but she read you like an open book, asking what was going on. When you finally broke down in tears and told her everything, she hugged you tightly as any good friend would do. She even told you what she had gone through, and you were shocked to learn about her and her husband's almost divorce story.

Like Simon, he had cheated and it tore Ava apart. While it wasn't the exact same situation, the pain was still the same. But she encouraged you to do what you wanted to do, and that was the difficult part.

"You want to stay wit him don't you?" she asked with a sad smile.

You nodded, "I love him so much. And I know it's so stupid. I'm an idiot. But I don't know if I can... it hurts so much."

She hushed you before more tears fell, "Y/n.... I know it's hard. And I know that other people might say you're crazy if you stay with him... but they're not you. They're not married to Simon. You have to do what you think it's right for your heart........ and if it turns out differently, then it's your life. Not his. Not mine. Not anybody else."

She spoke with so much conviction, you sort of felt happy for a split second. It was what she was told when she was going through those same feelings.

"I just wish he would have told me." You sniffled, looking down at the empty glass on the table in front of you.

She hummed in thought for a moment, "You know what I think you should do?" she asked, making you look up at her again, "Make him realize what he was missing while he was too busy with her."

"Huh?"

She nodded, "Yep. If he couldn't see that you are the only woman he needed, then show him."

Your eyebrows drew together, "How?"

A devilish smirk formed on her lips.

When you arrived on base the next day, you were beyond nervous. The Military Police at the front gate looked at you in confusion when you showed him your ID, but you were too busy trying not to vomit on your clothes. The clothes that you finally decided to put on after debating for over an hour over putting them on or not. Ava's idea of making Simon realize how much you were the only woman he needed was to start showing him how much any other man could and would try to take you from him.

"Your clothes," she told you. "And.... the way you act. It's time to bring out your dark feminine side."

Your what? You hadn't even heard of that before.

It was a stupid idea, but one that would work because while you normally got dressed in your usual casual work attire at first, Ava called you that morning and made sure you wore that outfit she made you buy last night before going home. It was a hassle to hide it from Simon, who was sitting on the couch when you arrived, but you somehow did.

The light and flowy clothes you always wore were switched to a more tight-fitting and sexy outfit while still keeping it chic and appropriate because you still had to go to work afterward. The icing on the cake was when she told you to wear heels; sexy heels. You even wore makeup - mostly to hide the dark circles under your eyes - as you didn't wear it often. And god did it work....

When you got out of your car and walked the short distance to the front doors of the building, several soldiers passed you, not even trying to hide the fact they were staring. Even a soldier who held the door open for you to walk into the building stared, trying to hide his gaze by offering if you needed help finding something or someone.

Simon was sitting, waiting in the lobby - like he texted you a few minutes ago - so you declined the random guy's offer as you looked around for your husband. He stood up before making his way to you when he heard your voice, but he found his feet walking slightly quicker when he saw a man standing in front of you, glancing up and down your figure. When your eyes met his, the corners of your lips turned up slightly, partly because you were nervous, the other part because you had never seen him at work before.

But Simon's eyes cut away and landed immediately on the soldier next to you, and when the guy looked at who he knew as Ghost, he gulped. "Need something, Sergeant?" Simon asked, his voice short and blunt and a tad bit irritated.

The Sergeant shook his quickly, "No sir." He glanced at you then back to lieutenant, "Have a good day.... sir," he quickly said before scurrying down the hallway.

It was funny. Simon used to tell you that he intimidated people, and while you sometimes saw it when you were out in public, you never saw him do it at work. Watching that soldier leave hastily drew a small giggle from your throat before your eyes met your husband's brown orbs once more.

Simon was thankful that when he worked, he wore his hard shell skull-printed mask. It maintained his anonymity both on missions and on base. But in that moment he was even more thankful because it hid his facial expressions as he looked over you, taking in your outfit. Something definitely changed in what you had on. You had never wore work clothes that seemed... sexy and slightly revealing.

"You look beautiful," he sincerely said before he could even process his thoughts. You were going to work... like that?

Your breath caught in your throat as you looked back at him. You heard the way he said it. Like he was trying to figure out how to take in what you had on. "Thank you," you whispered. You glanced down at your wrist to look at your watch, "We should head in."

He gave you a nod, before guiding you down the hallway to the chaplain's office. You tried to ignore the burning feeling in your chest as his hand rested on your back while he walked slightly behind you. Like he was keeping you in his view, but letting you know he was right there with you. He did that all the time so what was so different about it now?

Steading your breathing, Simon came to a stop and informed it was the chaplain's office. You nodded, nervously licking your lips before he turned the handle and allowed you to go in first.

With brief introductions out of the way, you, Simon, and the chaplain - Lt. Jones - sat in his office. You and Simon were on the couch, while he sat in the chair across from you two. It was awkward, and you felt your heart beat rapidly in your chest while Lt. Jones opened his notebook and took out a pen to write.

"Now I know this can't be easy for both of you... but I'd like to start off by telling me how you came to the decision to seek counseling yeah?" He began.

You fidgeted in your seat, briefly glancing at Simon before back at the chaplain, while your husband swallowed the huge lump that formed in his throat. A beat went by, and you almost thought you'd faint from how anxious you were, but Simon spoke up.

"I.... cheated on my wife." He breathed out, and it hurt when you heard the pain in his voice.

Fuck. You weren't even five minutes into the session and your eyes were already tearing up. It hurt more than you wanted it to hear him say it out loud; that he cheated on you. For the past few days, you had been ignoring him because you weren't ready to hear those words from his mouth. But now you had to. You had to if you wanted to get past this.

Lt. Jones wrote something in his notebook, and you and Simon both glanced at his pen moving across the page, "And you two want to work through this yeah?"

You opened your mouth to speak, but Simon spoke before you, "Yes."

However, the chaplain noticed the way you fidgeted once more on the couch and closed your eyes. He glanced at Simon then back to you, "Mrs. Riley?" He asked. The name; your name. Hearing that alone made a tear trickle down your cheek. Simon glanced at you and god did he want to reach out and touch you, but he was afraid you'd yank away from him.

"I-I want to-" Simon couldn't help the tiny smile that began to form on his face, but it dropped when you continued, "-but.... I don't think I can."

"Why is that?" the chaplain asked.

You glanced at Simon, seeing his eyes already locked on you. Even with his mask on you could see the sad expression in his eyes, "Because... I know how this ends."

Both Lt. Jones and Simon looked at you in confusion, Simon more so than the other man.

"What do you mean ma'am?" Jones asked.

You tried to keep the tears in, but talking about your past was never easy to do. You had only briefly talked about it to Simon before and it was very much just saying that your last relationship didn't work out but you never said why. But now..... you didn't want to lie to a chaplain; a priest. So you continued. . .

"I always get hurt. Always-" you glanced down at the floor in thought, "-my last relationship... I was cheated on. The one before that I was cheated on. It doesn't matter." You sniffed, making the chaplain hand you a tissue which you kindly took, "At some point I just have to accept that I don't belong in a relationship, let alone a marriage."

"Y'never told me that," Simon interrupted, his voice soft.

You shrugged, "It doesn't matter... you still would have cheated Simon," he visibly swallowed the lump in his throat, "I get it... I'm not enough. I've never been enough. Not for you. Not for-"

"That's not true." He cut you off. You could hear the frustration in his tone.

The chaplain also heard it and decided it was good to step in, "Lieutenant.. please let her finish. It's good to get feelings out when you want to work through things. Especially something like this."

He sighed, nodding as he glanced back at you. You hadn't even looked up from the spot on the floor before Jones told you to continue. But you knew Simon would interrupt you once more at what you were going to say next. And that made you cry more.

"The only difference between now and the past is that I'm not getting my ass beat," a sour chuckle left your throat.

"What?" Simon asked as his body tensed greatly.

The chaplain even looked at you in a way that was...guarded?

"Mrs. Riley, what do you mean by that?"

You looked up at him, "My last relationship.... when I found out he was cheating, I confronted him about it. And it just resulted in me in the hospital."

Silence.

Nothing was heard as the two men looked at you, eyes wide, even if Lt. Jones tried his best to remain expressionless. Simon, on the other hand, was fuming in his head. Some dick at the audacity to put his hands on you because he got caught cheating? He wanted to find the douchebag and kill him... but you never talked about your ex; never said he hit you - his wife. He didn't care if that was before he met you, he was thinking of all the ways he could find the guy and kill him.

"Is that why you think you can't work past this with your husband now?" You nodded, and Simon couldn't help his words from slipping.

"Y/n I would never hit you-"

You finally looked back at him, "I know that. I know you won't. Still doesn't change the fact that you don't love me anymore."

"I do-"

"Stop it Simon," you pushed.

Thank god for Lt. Jones who was good at his job. He knew the conversation was going to turn into a back-and-forth bickering spree so he stopped you two before it got to that point.

"If you two want this to work through this-" he began, making you two look at him, "-I recommend that you both continuing counseling with me. Let's start off with twice a week yeah? One day will be an individual session, and the other will be together." Simon glanced at you before nodding his head in agreement. A deep frown formed on your face at the feeling that you wanted to continue this. You had to if Simon was going to give you the papers. But you also really wanted to work on your marriage. You sighed before nodding your head, making the chaplain give you both a soft grin. "I know it's not easy. Marriage. But just knowing that you even came in here today, shows me that deep down you want to get past this together."

Lt. Jones eventually dismissed you both with a tiny bit of homework to do before your next session the following week. Emotions were all over the place for you and Simon. While you were busy worrying about the battle between wanting to stay with your husband or leaving, Simon was beating himself up. He had done the one thing that he honestly never thought he would have. He was just like his father, and that thought alone made him want to vomit.

You were almost to the front doors of the building when Simon's gloved hand gently grabbed your wrist, turning you back to look at him. His eyes were on the brink of tearing up, but you knew he wouldn't cry... not at work. He didn't say anything for a moment while he looked at your face, eyes flickering to the quivering of your lip and your redness of your eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" was the first thing he said.

You almost rolled your eyes, but instead you focused on his boots, "Because it's not something I like to talk about. It was a long time ago, and I was stupid to stay with that bastard," you whispered, "But it doesn't matter what happened Simon. Would you have done anything differently if I told you?" Your eyes snapped back up to meet his as you pulled your wrist out of his grip.

He didn't respond. You couldn't see it, but his jaw tensed greatly under his mask. Would he have not cheated? You couldn't be sure... but you also couldn't think about it because a high-pitched voice interrupted your conversation as a woman strolled up next to your husband.

"Ghost..." she said as she looked at him, "I was looking for you earlier. They said you was busy."

Ghost. The way she said his name made your eyes snap towards her as she glanced at you. Simon didn't even acknowledge her for a second, eyes still on you, before he looked at her. His jaw was flexing under his mask so hard he thought he would break his teeth. And by the way her eyes widened at you before she awkwardly looked at your husband, you felt something stir in the pit of your stomach.

You tried to lie to yourself. You really did. But the jealousy swam through your body as you looked at her. It was her; the woman from the video. And by the look on Simon's face when he looked at her in disgust only confirmed it.

"Uh I'll just see you later alright?" she quiet said before quickly walking away down the hall.

The universe was truly against you wasn't it? Out of everything, you didn't expect to actually see the woman in person. The woman who - even in her uniform - was a beauty. You always admired the beauty of women, complimenting a woman when she looked nice or anything. But you hated the way she looked; hated the way the makeup looked on her.... because she was gorgeous. And because she was everything you weren't.

As she walked away, Simon didn't even turn his head to look back at her, his eyes trained on you. But you looked. You leaned your head to the side to watch as she glanced at the two of you before turning a corner down the hall, a slight frown on her face. The anger that bubbled in your chest had you turning on your feet and walking out of the building to your car, making Simon walk after you.

"Sweetheart," he tried calling out to you, but you picked up your pace, wishing the ground would swallow you whole. "Y/n..." he reached out to you again.

You spun on your heel so fast you thought it would break, "It's her, isn't it?" He didn't respond, "Her?!" you raised your voice a little, making him close the gap between you.

"Love please don't do this," he begged, keeping his voice down since you were standing outside.

"Do what?? What I should do and leave?" you felt like you were about to burst with anger.

He grabbed your arms, pulling you into him even further, "No. Please Y/n... Sweetheart, I swear I'm so sorry for hurting you. I wanna make this right."

"How Simon? How can you even make this right?" you choked on a sob that escaped your throat. "I can't do this right now. I need to go to work, Simon."

You pulled away from him, his hands longing for your touch as you walked to your car and got in. Before you pulled off, you hated that your eyes immediately found his and you wanted to punch the window so bad. Instead you steadied your breathing and drove off to work.

Simon watched as you left, fingers flexing as he fought the urge to punch anything that was in his sight. Pvt Williams had just returned from a mission with her unit, and he knew exactly where he was going next as his eyes darkened with intense anger.

Yep. This will officially be a short story I feel like. I have so many ideas running through my head. Working on part 4 currently.

[mykoreanlove]

Jackson on Kinjaz

Your phone was blowing up constantly.

„Oh my god, did you see this?????“, your friend asked.

With shaking hands you clicked on the link.

„I used to be critical on myself in my mind in a negative way. Not healthy. At all. I would call myself names and put myself down in my mind. I drank the most disgusting shakes for my body health but up here? I was rotting.“

„Yeah, yeah. I remember videos of that nasty shake. What did you put in there - chicken?“

„Gotta get my protein, man. But you know I would constantly feel guilty for what I have done or what I might do.“

„Like what?“

„Like. Okay, like did I practice enough? Is magic man good enough? What if I let everybody down? How will I cope? How will I live?

All these voices.. these fucking nagging voices were with me 24/7.“

„Damn that sounds tough. What did you do?“

„I thought it was impossible to fix because I tried so hard and nothing changed me. Or if it did, it would only last a couple of weeks and I’d be back to feeling like shit and talking down on myself.

Jackson, you moron, how could you do this? Did you really think you could make it? You don’t deserve this success. You don’t deserve to be happy.“

„Jackson, bro. I feel for you. Really.“

„Look, I’m just being honest. I would naturally think of punishments coming my way. I’d imagine injuring myself or loosing all my fans or money. I’d think of the most horrific shit late at night when I should be peacefully sleeping.

I would try to change my thoughts to change my feeling. I would rationalize my way out for hours to only find myself entering a new cave.“

„Like a merry go round.“

„Exactly, I was stuck. Same shit, different day. My gut always had this underlying feeling of tension.

I tried my best to give myself relief but like I said, I could not find Relief for longer than a week. Maybe a month at best.“

„Is that why you turned to alcohol? Because I remember you chugging down a bottle of Hennessy and thought to myself that’s not normal.“

„Oh, of course I started drinking more. I needed more. What used to make me pass out back then is like a cute little cocktail to me now.“

„Damn, that really is a lot to handle. Did you try other things, as well?“

„Look, I tried everything in the book. You name it, I tried it. Worked out. Meditated. Drank. Had sex. Nothing could give me what I craved so badly. Nothing. Until I found her.“

You swallowed hard.

You had no idea that he would share all this with the public. You were very well aware of his struggles but hearing him talk about them upset you. It broke your heart imagining him like that, all dim and broken.

Also, it made you nervous.

You had no idea that he would introduce you into the world like this.

You had no idea that he would reveal your relationship to his homies on a podcast.

Yet, you were intrigued.

„Her as in …?“

„You see, love is a funny thing, right? I didn’t plan to fall in love, nor did I want to but I kind of did. I found the one, man. I found the love of my life and I was lucky enough to have her love me back. Do you know how rare that is?“

„Yeah, it is for you. I remember our last interview and how we wanted to get you on tinder and shit.“

„Exactly! I used to be on my own for years. Years, man. I gave up on love completely, thinking this was meant for others but certainly not me. And then she came into my life. Like an angel that was coming down to help me. Save me even.“

„Your savior, huh?“

„I swear to god her love saved me. It saved me from drugs, it saved me from self destruction and first and foremost it saved me from myself. I gotta be honest man, if I hadn’t met y/n I wouldn’t even be here anymore.“

„Wow. That’s, that’s a pretty heavy revelation. I’m glad you’re doing better now.“

„Oh, I am. Management is probably going to kick my ass later but I don’t care. Let me loose fans, let me loose money. I don’t give a shit. If you support me now, you support the real Jackson Wang. And that’s me right now - happily coupled to the most beautiful soul on this planet. If you can’t handle that - my bad.“

„Okay guys, it’s over. China‘s most wanted bachelor is officially off the market. WHOOOO!!“

„Yeah, the king has finally found its queen.“

„So, what is she like?“

You paused the interview and took a deep breath. Jackson was very vocal of his feelings for you, but hearing it like that felt different. The biggest smile was plastered on his face as he was talking about you.

You as in his queen.

You as in future Miss Wang.

Hundreds of butterflies announced themselves in your stomach, making you giddy and joyful.

„Oh man, she is the best. Like, she is so breathtakingly beautiful. Inside and out. We have the best conversations. I feel like she is my best friend. Truly, no one gets me like she does. It’s just.. it’s effortlessly easy. We laugh a lot, we talk a lot, we share everything with each other. I’m just so grateful, man.“

„Yeah, I can see that. You’re grinning from ear to ear. Make sure to invite me to your wedding.“

„Like you invited me to your birthday?“

„Okayyyyy, let’s wrap it up. Guys, that’s it for today. Thank you Jackson, really appreciate you brother.“

You stopped the video, giggling at your petty boyfriend.

„Remind me to have a word with you once you’re back, yeah?“, you texted him.

It didn’t take him a second to instantly call you.

„Did you see it? Already? Damn babygirl, you’re quick“, he teased.

„You could have warned me, Wang!“

„I didn’t plan to say all that but I couldn’t help myself. It just.. it just came out of me. I really meant it though.“

„Everything?“

He knew exactly what you were implying.

„Oh, I’m gonna make you Miss Wang for sure. Rule my kingdom with me? Please?“

[aurumacadicus]

i'm not sure if tumblr is lying to me or not about when you responded to my ask but i only just got the notification for it, so. if you're still doing the 1-161 stony ficlet challenge, can i request 123 if that one hasn't also been taken? ps i'm really loving the ones you've posted so far, they're great! <3

Thanks! It's been a lot of fun!

--

Steve grit his teeth as Tony carefully, casually prodded his thigh with the toe of his left foot again. They were fighting, and he couldn't tell if this was an olive branch or a deliberate attempt to make him lose his cool.

They didn't fight often. They argued a lot, of course. He and Tony both had very strong personalities, and they also had very strong opinions. More difficult still, Steve was from a different time, and while he'd made great strides in acclimating himself to the time (and while Tony had been very patient as he learned) some things he said and believed still had them butting heads sometimes.

Tony prodded his thigh again, and Steve sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. He would not give Tony the satisfaction of reacting.

"I'm not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention," Tony finally declared, prodding him again.

"We are fighting and I'm still mad at you," Steve answered curtly, looking back down at his book. He figured that was attention enough, with the mood he was in and their fight still hovering at the edges of their conversations.

The ball of Tony's foot stayed pressed to his thigh a moment longer before he slowly drew it back. "Oh. Sorry."

Steve slanted his gaze over at that, brows furrowing together at the tone of Tony's voice. It was the one he used when he knew he'd misstepped but didn't understand why. He looked genuinely upset before his emotional shutters came back down as he returned his gaze to his tablet. He pulled his feet in closer, tucking himself tighter into the corner of the couch.

Steve watched him, considering, then carefully asked, "We... are still fighting, aren't we?"

"Of course. Obviously," Tony scoffed, prodding at his screen a little harder than he usually might.

Steve waited a beat, but Tony didn't plow on like he usually did when he was angry. He'd had no problem shouting for hours yesterday, but Steve had no doubt he'd come up with new things to shout if he was still very upset. He cast around his mind for what Tony's sudden change in heart and remembered, frowning, that Colonel Rhodes had huffed out a frustrated, 'well, his parents never apologized to each other, at least not in front of him, so he thinks fights just stop eventually and you carry on as usual.'

Tony must have just been... ready for things to carry on as usual. Steve set his book in his lap and sighed again, tipping his head against the back of the couch. He'd been the second one to sit down on the couch. Tony must have thought that was an olive branch. And maybe it had been, he realized, turning to look at Tony again. Maybe, unconsciously, he'd been ready to end the fight, too. But not like Tony wanted, where they simply stopped talking about it and returned to life as normal.

"I'm sorry," Steve said, because he was. His ma always said it took two people to fight, after all.

Tony prodded at his tablet a couple more times, then turned his head a little, peering at him out of the corner of his eye. "...For what?" he finally asked, skeptical.

"For fighting," Steve answered simply. He'd learned early on that if he said too much, Tony would have more to read into.

Tony turned his head away, then looked back at him, eyes narrowed. "...I'm... sorry... too," he finally said, slowly, like he was waiting for Steve to spring some sort of trap after each word.

It hurt a little, Steve could admit to himself. But luckily, he'd learned that it wasn't his own shortcomings as a boyfriend that caused Tony to be suspicious of something he thought was a good thing; the lists of people who had hurt Tony in the past were all available online, after all. Not necessarily under that label, but Steve was pretty good at reading between the lines.

And it was a step in the right direction, Steve figured. Acknowledging their wrongs to each other was certainly better than just letting them go unsaid. They could have a discussion about it later, when the hurt wasn't so fresh and they had time to decompress.

Until then, Steve reached out to grab Tony's ankle and drag his leg back out, and Tony squawked as he was pulled across the cushions. "C'mere."

"Brute!" Tony howled, trying to claw his way back across the couch, but Steve's grip on his leg was immovable. "Stop fucking dragging me everywhere you want me, you neanderthal, I--"

"You what?" Steve asked, flipping him easily, and immediately dug his thumbs into Tony's arch, exactly where he knew Tony got sorest. Tony let out a moan, and Steve knew he had won, at least for the moment.

[bartxnhood]

love you need | s.h

shawn hunter x fem!reader

summary: you notice shawn distancing himself from you and the group until one night she shows up at your door hoping to talk it out.

warnings: angst! both shawn and reader have some self doubt.

a/n: this is my first time writing for shawn, and tbh it’s been a hot minute since i’ve rewatched bmw so😭 but i really miss shawn and i relate to his character sm. so i might start writing for him now, this is just to test the waters. enjoy !

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

you stand at your locker rummaging through your books searching for your history book. “hey!” topanga hollers, followed by cory. you push you locker door inwards revealing the couple. “have you seen shawn?” cory questions, you simply shake your head and close your locker. “no, why?” you ask, leaning against the metal. “i haven’t heard from him over the weekend. totally unusual, normally i csnt get rid of him” cory answers, your eyebrows raised. now that you think of it, he hasn’t called or stopped by to see you either.

shawn was the type of boyfriend to check in occasionally, even out of school. he’d often surprise you with small gifts just to lighten things up if you were having a bad day. so this was out of character for him, if he was sick or something came up he’d always tell you or cory. something wasn’t right.

“wel..” you trailed off, furrowing your brows. “we can call if he doesn’t show. surely he wouldn’t not show up and not have a reason or tell us” the other two agrees and decided to let it go for the rest of the day.

but a day turned into two, and next thing you knew he never showed that whole week. you tried desperately to call but each time it went to voicemail. you felt frustrated, why did he disappear all of a sudden? why didn’t he tell anybody? you were high strung for the remainder of that week. snapping at people when you didn’t mean to but, nothing was as important as shawn was to you.

“did i do something to upset him?” you’re laying on topangas bed. she invited you over to work on a project, but after you stayed for dinner. “what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? what if he found someone else.” your mind is racing, why else would shawn not come to school or return your calls?

you hear topanga sigh, and came to your aide. “y/n, look at me” you sit-up, looking at her. she puts her hands on your shoulder, “he loves you, y/n. i’m sure he has a reason for why he’s been gone.” you groan, she was probably right but it didn’t your heart from aching. “now, cmon. let’s go eat dinner, okay? get your mind off things.”

it wasn’t unusual for you to be home alone as your parents were typically on work trips. you had your own little routine after school. you’d come home, make a snack, do some homework, maybe read for a couple hours, shower, then go to bed. but today was different, after doing your homework you were pretty exhausted so you had just planned on laying down. thank god you we’re graduating in a few months, the work was beginning to run you down mentally.

it seemed no matter how hard yo supplied yourself, you always came in last. you were barely making the grades to pass your classes, but you were trying so hard.

as you were entering the bathroom, ready to brush your teeth and wash your face you heard banging at your door. of course, you didn’t want to answer because who would be banging on your door at this hour? but, something told you to answer it. you cursed at yourself mentally, you were too nice for your own good and your kindness would be your demise. but when you opened the door you didn’t expect to see him. “shawn?”

“i’m sorry for coming here so late but i just didn’t know where else to go.” shawn states as he runs his hand through his hair. your heart broke just looking at him. it looked like he hadn’t slept in days, his eyes were so dark, he looked beyond exhausted. “shawn, you don’t have to apologize. you know you’ll always have a place here.”

shawn took a seat at the edge of your bed he feels like his heart has been ripped out, all he wants to do is sleep and probably never wake up again. “i just” he rubs his eyes. “i got left alone again, dad went out. i just i didn’t have the guts to face you.” he feels so little, sitting in front of you like this on the verge of tears. “oh, shawn..” you cup his face making him look at you. “it’s okay, you know i’ll always be here. no judgement, shawn. it’s just you and me” you offer a smile.

you see the tears swell in his eyes. shawn wraps his arms around you and rests his head on your stomach. “i’m sorry” he says just above a whisper. “shawn, you didn't do anything wrong. there's nothing to apologize for." you feel him shake his head against your, “no, y/n. i’m sorry i’m not good enough for you.” tears begin to fall from his eyes and he hold on to you as if you were about to be ripped away from him.

“i live in a trailer park, i have nothing to offer you, you could do some much better than me..i don’t deserve you, y/n. you need someone who can provide and give you what you need..i don’t know if i can be that person for you, y/n” you can feel his tears staining your shirt. you remove his arms from your waist as you fall to your knees so you could be eye level with him. “shawn. listen to me” you wipe away his tears, smiling sadly. “you are good enough for me. in fact, i often think you’re too good for me because sometimes i think you could find someone better than me.” now you begin to tear up, confessing all of your bottled emotions.

“shawn, i have felt this toward someone as much as i have you. you’ve saved me so many times and you probably don’t even know it. i promise, you are good enough. you’ll always be good enough,okay? i’ll always be here for you, just let me be the love you need.” tears begin to fall from your eyes, so now the both of you are a crying mess.

“don’t cry, i hate seeing your cry” shawn hums, he wipes away your tears and rests his hand on your cheek. you nod, “i know..” sniffling.

there’s a moment of silence between you two, a comfortable silence. shawn is staring at you. admiring you, puffy eyes and all. he realizes how in love he is, that no matter what life throws at him that he will always have you. shawn softly rubs the pad of his thumb over your check.

“i love you.”

you blink, a few seconds of silence fills the room. he hadn’t said that to you yet, in your years of dating he hadn’t said he loved you, once. shawn was too afraid to love anybody. afraid that he’d ruin the person he wants to love. shawn was like that most of his life, until you changed his mind.

“what?” you feel all the air leave your lungs, your emotions were all over the place now. from crying to now feeling this warmth in your chest as you heard him say the words you had been waiting so long to hear. “say it again”

“i love you, y/n.”

instinctively you wrap your arms around his neck, embracing him in a tight hug. “i’ve been waiting to hear that for so long” you sniffle. shawn rubs you back, you feel him nod. “i know, i should’ve said it a long time ago.”

hours later, after the both of you had spilled your hearts to each other, you offered him dinner but he denied claiming he just wanted to lie down.

you rested comfortably on his chest, he drew circles on your spine. both of you enjoying the silent. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you.” you say. shawn is taken aback, looking down at you. “what?” you look up, smiling softly. “i know we’re still young, but there’s no one else in my life i’d want besides you. i want to be with you forever.” you see him smile, and he tightens his grip around you.

“i like the sound of that…y/n hunter…that has a nice ring to it”

[mixelation]

on itatori

tori and itachi late game plasticity: weird, horrible and mistrustful alliance, shaped by "you got my brother killed" and "did you know your deep conspiracy is even more insane than you thought. please help"

itachi early mutagenicity: i recognize your skills might be useful to me, and also, that letting you free could fuck over me and everyone i care about, and absolutely no one will be able t anticipate how

tori early mutagenicity: i'm annoyed by being strong armed into this, but i find itachi reliable and predictable in a comfortable way even if he's an asshole

the past couple weeks i've been writing rando scenes in some plot-heavy places (like the Get Rid of Danzo Arc) and actually it does end up making "oh, they're dating" an incredibly believable development from the outside. there's a short window where they think tori might be dead and itachi is visibly upset. he lies to minato to frame him sharing & withholding info as being about his close friendship with tori (it is, in act, about tori being an excellent co-conspirator and them murdering danzo). he tells his family he now has the mangekyou as a result of the trauma of seeing the mangekyou and thinking tori is dead. he makes all their super secret team 4 time traveler meetings happen in tori's dorm (and then apartment) because he makes her set up a bunch of wild seals for privacy because it would be the least suspicious place for her to be doing that... which means itachi goes and seeks out tori in her own home a lot.

from the INSIDE he does just tell tori he doesn't like danzo and she's like "then LET'S KILL HIM :)" because this is her favorite hobby most reliable way to maintain a sense of control over her life. this makes her 100x more appealing to itachi & tori enjoys the sense of fucked up empowerment she gets from it. she comes to him with the idea to start a book club and he immediately supports her. they've both just accepted each other's freak tendencies. they've gotten in too deep and they WILL get upset if the other is made upset in their enclosure. like the part where he didn't tell her they were dating was fucked up but this does mean she can take advantage of him now

dating stage 1: tori has no idea what's happening **short break up** dating stage 2: tori wants free meals and the social benefits of dating **longer break up bc they realize this is not sustainable** dating stage 3: itachi gets roped into mikoto-arranged dates and is Dying. tori misses having a fellow Freak around. who else will just stand there and watch while she harasses random civilians. no one **series of break ups because they're old enough marriage is on the table and they're both insane about it** dating stage 4: they get engaged and deidara thinks it's some sort of prank

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for bad-mouthing my boyfriend’s toxic family?

(🐈‍⬛ For me to recognize my post later)

I (20f) have a boyfriend (21m) who is physically disabled and still currently living at home with his parents for a while as he tries to scrape his savings together to move in with me. This wouldn’t be an issue, if his parents weren’t immensely transphobic (he’s trans) and outright abusive towards him. Despite having an official doctor’s diagnosis for ALL of his issues, both mental and physical, they just?? Like to pretend that he’s completely able-bodied, and that he’s making up his issues “for attention” (<- something that they’ve actually said to him)

My bf isn’t ready to leave the house just yet because he doesn’t want to feel like a burden and wants to be able to support himself without my help, despite my constant offering and support, but this ofc just means that he’s STAYING in that house, and it’s clear that it effects him really negatively. He’s improved a lot since I’ve met him in high school, but him being in that house is just. Awful for his health, his self esteem, literally everything. I guess I understand his reasonings for not leaving (he’s on his parents’ health insurance, his dad’s a vet so he gets a ton of money off his college bill, he’s got a little sister at home that he doesn’t want to leave alone, etc etc), but at the same time, I fucking HATE his parents, more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life. He’s such an amazing guy, but I’ve seen him reduced to panic attacks just on their words alone, and it’s awful and I hate them.

I’m also very vocal with this hate. I tell him all the time. Whenever he vents to me, or mentions something awful that his parents have/had done in passing, or tries to excuse their behavior, I will tell him point-blank that I hate his parents and that he needs to leave. He gets incredibly upset whenever I say stuff like that, however, and has asked me multiple times to quit it, but it’s just so hard to see him loving them so fiercely when they literally only give him the bare minimum in return.

The reason for this post at all is because I started going off on a tangent about two days ago when he managed to escape (he has to ask for permission every time he wants to go out) to my place to destress and have a small date night, and I specifically asked him how his parents had been treating him recently because he’d been pretty quiet about it. He got really quiet and eventually told me that they keep adding really weird stuff to do for his household responsibilities (ex: dusting the UNDERSIDE of tables??) and that they’re now threatening to take away the things he loves (his phone, his books, his DOOR) if he doesn’t keep up with the new workload, which is especially hard because, again, he’s DISABLED. Well this pissed me off, because they’ve done shit like that in the past and it never ends well for him, and I started talking about how much his parents suck and how I wish he would just leave, and he got really quiet and just said “I think I’m just gonna leave now” and just. Left

In the aftermath, I feel awful about it. We’ve texted a few times since then, and he says that he’s okay and that it was fine, and how he just needs to get over it, but it’s very clear that he’s still upset by it and just trying not to make it a big issue. I know that he hates it when I badmouth his parents, but I genuinely do not know any other way to get it into his head that he needs to leave as soon as possible, if only to save his own health. I love him so so much, we’ve been together since high school, we would die for each other, and we’ve been through so much that not very many couples have had to go through, especially not at our age. I sincerely just want the best for him, and this feels like I could open the topic again and try to make him SEE, but I’m just worried that I might have upset him this time in a way that he might not be able to get over.

Sorry for this getting so long, I just feel very strongly about it and I want to know if I’m the AH here and should lay off, or keep trying to make him see that he just needs to get out as soon as possible. So tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[rs-hawk]

Okay so I wasn’t going to say anything else about this after that ask, but if I don’t, I feel like this might bother me for awhile. It is very important to me to have stories featuring my culture. Yes it’s “just smut” for the most part, but until I started writing it, I had literally never even read a romance novel with an Indigenous main character in any capacity.

Growing up, the only movies I saw myself portrayed in positively and not the butt of a joke was Spirit, Brother Bear and Dances with Wolves. Books I can think of a couple more, but they were primarily folklore/cultural stories that got illustrated. Yes, what I write isn’t going to touch some kid’s life and make them feel represented, but it makes ME feel represented. It makes ME feel seen. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me it is. I have always been put down and made fun of for being “Indian”.

Don’t come onto my blog and tell me I’m being disrespectful by using my own culture in my writing. I’ve written so many stories using my own culture and literally one using Wahzhazhe traditional language because I’m learning it. I and other Indigenous Peoples deserve to be able to express ourselves using our own culture without being accused of stealing it. Don’t accuse someone of being disrespectful when they’re creating their own representation because their entire life they can count on one hand the amount of positive representation they’ve had. If you don’t know, check out their blog or just ask. That’s less upsetting and offensive imo than jumping to accusing me of stealing my own culture.

This is like getting upset with 1876 or Walela for using terms like “Indian” or “Rez” because you don’t know they’re Indigenous bands.

[violetasteracademic]

I saw a reddit post a while back talking about how “obvious” gwynriel is, with hundreds of upvotes and everyone agreeing, saying that it’s exactly how SJM sets up her love interests, and it makes me feel like a crazy person.

I agree that SJM is obvious with her couples, but for me the only logical obvious answer is elriel. The entire time I was reading the series it couldn’t have been more obvious, and all my irl friends feel the same. We didn’t even know gwynriel was a thing. They barely interact in the books, and even then it’s only vaguely friendly and mostly one-sided. Then I get online and see all of these people who genuinely believe it’s gwynriel that’ll be endgame and I can’t understand how we’ve read the same books.

This is the only reason I question elriel at all; am I somehow missing something? What the hell are these people seeing that overshadows elriel’s foreshadowing? I just can’t see it from their point of view, no matter how many theories or analyzing I read from them. I almost wished I could so that this ship war wouldn’t be so frustrating, but I just can’t.

Sorry to throw this rant at you, your posts and explanations are just very comforting and you explain things so well. I read them whenever I’m worried to assure myself I’m not crazy :,)

Hi sweet anon!

I certainly don't think you are crazy or missing anything, and I'm glad to know that some of my posts have brought you comfort. That is my one and only goal.

I've been getting more and more messages like this in my inbox, and I've been struggling with how to answer them because I've learned that a lot of my thoughts don't really fit in with the fandom at large. I don't mind that other ships exist. I have real life G/wynriel and E/lucien friends that are very chill and wonderful and not knee deep in the online fandom and don't think horrific misogynistic things. I stay out of spaces where I'm bound to see something hurtful, and I scroll so fuckin fast when I see the Elriel community screenshotting and reblogging bad takes cause I *don't wanna see it.*

I'm just a girl, and while I'm honored that this little weirdo's opinion has become of some value in this little comfy cafe corner I'm trying to build here, I don't want to say the wrong thing and make people feel discredited and invalidated. I've learned that people really like being in the drama and venting and focusing on how badly the other side is behaving, which I don't really like, and it often leaves me at odds with my own "side" of the war. But since you are here in my asks, I'll share my thoughts. Please know I am saying this with all the tender love and care in my heart, but I say:

Just let them exist. You don't need to understand. You also don't need to let it worry you. None of us are in control of the ships that are sailing in this war. So for whatever it is worth, I want to encourage you to try to stay away from the spaces that make you feel upset, confused, hurt, or angry.

We are all honestly similar in ways that might be hard to admit. If we are here, deep into this fandom, we are probably connected in a number of ways. Maybe we're a little bit lonely (me), a little bit mentally ill (me), a little bit hyper-fixated (me). Maybe we are easily consumed and obsessed, and don't have anywhere for that energy to go in our real lives and so we live on in a chronic state of escape and disassociation (yep, me).

We are also an exceptionally small percentage of SJM's readership, and we take things as far as a fan could possibly take them. This is not how most readers are interacting with her work. So to see hundreds of upvotes on something, even thousands, yes- it seems like a lot. But it's not actually that much in terms of SJM's actual numbers. Anyone on reddit, tumblr, tiktok, ect, is looking for community and people who share their thoughts and likes and dislikes. I think this is often why a lot of non canon ships actually grow more popular than canon ships, because people are here looking for a road the written story will not take them down.

I don't think it's strange or offensive or unhinged that ships other than Azriel or Elain exist and are popular. I *do* think its a little odd that this fandom has taken the stance of proving non-canon things as canon instead of just enjoying crackships, but I can't honestly sit here and say my posts proving "canon" to try to comfort people who want the same fictional couple as me is not the exact same behavior. I think I'm right. They think they are right. There will come a day when Sarah lets us know what she has decided, and it's out of our hands. But the ships will live on.

I love so many non canon ships, and I engage with them here every day. This is what fandom is for. I think this fandom in particular would be a lot less toxic if we would just live and let live and leave each other be. I am gonna keep making theory posts and writing fanfic. They are gonna keep making theory posts and writing fanfic.

Take care of yourself. Rock the block button. Strangers on the internet do not get unfettered access to me or you or anyone else just because we are online. Set some boundaries for yourself. Lurk where you feel good.

I hope my page continues to be one of those places where you can lurk to feel better. And if that ever changes, block me. I encourage it deeply. I actually feel relieved when I can see that someone has blocked me, because I know they are taking care of themselves and also saved me the time and energy of trying to diffuse an argument.

I hear your frustrations. I know it sucks to want to go on reddit if that has been a fun and comforting space for you, and now it feels overrun and not safe and not fun. Grieve that. We obviously all care very deeply, and that's okay. It's nothing at all to be ashamed of.

But at some point, we are all gonna have to learn to live with each other, because no matter what happens in canon, the ships are not going anywhere.

Take care of yourself, anon. And I hope you continue to find comforting spaces to rest.

[dduane]

What inspired you to write Young Wizards? A relative, a dream you had? Did the story come to you as you were writing it, or was it hammered from bits and pieces of thoughts made plain on text? Were there parts you struggled with, parts that came easier than others? (Have you already answered these questions in an interview you can link to?)

What inspired me to write So You Want To Be A Wizard?

Partly humor. Partly rage. (More about both under the cut...)

The subject's come up in interviews every now and then, but let's tl:dr; it here.

The humor: Often enough while I was nursing, and seeing the bizarre things people would do to their own bodies, I wished out loud to various fellow health-care professionals that human beings came with some kind of instruction manual or new user’s management guide. Now, I'd known the "So You Want To Be A…" series of (US-published) career books from my childhood. One day when I was thinking about them—possibly while trying to figure out what the title of such an instruction-and-advice manual might be—the word "…Wizard" plugged itself onto the end of the title template.

Instead of a simple instruction manual for people, I gradually found myself considering what a wizard's manual would look like. Where would it come from? Who would it have come from? Might it, itself, be an entirely bigger manual than the one I'd been joking about—but one containing the full instructions and background material you'd need for (maybe) understanding life and the world, but (definitely) doing magic? A book as big or as small as you needed for the work in hand, and full of the answers to questions you never thought you'd get answers to? ...

From that basic concept, the wider concept of wizardly culture built itself up over the next couple of years. ...Naturally I'd read Le Guin's "Earthsea" books years before, and I'd noted (but decided to pass on) the concept of a school-for-wizards. While it was interesting enough, it'd already been done by a writer far more skilled. What interested me more was a DIY-ish approach, where you learn by yourself, do things that interest you, and join up with other like-minded practitioners when the mood moves you or circumstances require.

Anyway, now comes the rage. While all this was percolating in the background, I was finishing up a YA series by another writer. When I hit the end of it, I was profoundly upset by the events of the series’s closure. They seemed to me to have treated strong and resilient young characters as helpless creatures without agency, subjecting them “for their own good” to an amnesic end-state they absolutely didn’t deserve. I got mad about this. I dove into the writing of the first Young Wizards book with the intention of treating my young characters a whole lot better—since if there was anything I knew about kids from my nursing, it was that a lot of them were tougher than many of the adults around them.

Once I was started, the writing went straightforwardly from book’s beginning to book’s end (because as I was already a screenwriter, and screenwriters outline, the novel was naturally outlined too). The writing took about six months, as right then I was also writing for Scooby and Scrappy-Doo to pay the rent. I turned in the book and didn’t think much more about what might happen next (though I knew there was quite a lot more story to tell) until I ran into Madeleine L’Engle at some event of my publisher’s. She took me aside and said, “I read your last one. I liked it a lot! When’s the next?”

That was when I realized I had a problem... so I got busy.  :) ...And I’ve been busy with the Young Wizards universe ever since. I’m busy with that universe right now, though it may not look like it. And I expect to be busy with it for years to come.

HTH!

[sgiandubh]

A study in media fabrication: the Metro interview

I was on a late, self-prescribed ☕ break at the office and lo and behold, mindlessly scrolling @bat-cat-reader's page, what do I see? S's last 'interview' to Metro UK. Rarely have I seen such a poorly cobbled fabrication, so I thought I might share a couple of quick thoughts about it.

A word about the newspaper, first. This is not, as you might think, a part of the Swedish-owned and worldwide present Metro conglomerate of free commuter tabloids, that usually end up littering the carriage, by the end of the day. Nope, and I had no idea. Metro UK is owned by DMG Media (The Daily Fail people, in other words) since 1999 and uses a different logo, to avoid being sued on what is, in my opinion a blatant trademark infringement (remember, S was the culprit the EUIPO punished for way less than that!). More interestingly, though, the print and web editions have totally different content, which means that you'd look in vain for the James Bondesque pic while commuting from Wimbledon to London, for example. The relevance of this interview is nearing 0, in my humble opinion: if anything, it just served to check a box of the PR's current media plan and justify the retainers a couple of people cashed in, as a result.

Quotes and references like the one below abound:

Now, if you imagine S talked face to face to Ms. Josie Copson for the sake of this article, you couldn't be more wrong. In fact, I doubt he knows her name or (when questioned) even if he ever gave an interview to Metro.co.uk. In plain English, he didn't "tell" Josie anything: PR probably sent her some formulaic 'answers' by email and let her add some fill-in material, then revised and greenlit the whole for release.

How do I know it? Easy: no photos. No specifics (random example: 'seated at the counter of Soho's BAFTA Bar, in London, SRH' this and that). And the almost scrupulous rehashing of the talking points we have already seen (and it did break my heart to see so many upset people for literally nothing, in here). Give or take some last minute inserts, some of which are quite dubious, to he honest.

This one, for example:

How odd. A Zoom call apparently happened, of which - again- we have no evidence at all. It's not impossible, but it is improbable. What is interesting, though, is the 'related' discreet surfing suggestion at the end of the article, which sheds new light on that Gen Z. joke - which yes, now sorta makes sense:

Why? For more (monetized) clicks and traffic. Remember the tiny detail that Metro's business model is based on a free offer. So, they have to make it viable somehow: in print, it's the ads. Online, it's all about the ads and the clicks.

The only interesting thing I could take out of this would be a very peculiar choice of words:

Being spied on... By all means, please clarify and thank you. I can think of one or two people in this fandom, regularly and almost obsessively dueling for the position of best informed in town. Using very different methods, to be sure, but still qualifying for this spying position, in my book. Both of them completely lack perspective and offer very little context, but that is of no particular import, when it's all about feeding your captive audience with nonsense.

If these two people wanted to come clean, they'd only need to write two very simple phrases:

This is a gossip blog exclusively focused on SRH.

and

This is a social media monitoring blog exclusively focused on SRH.

Not gonna happen anytime soon. Cue in the mystique of 'sources' and repeatedly absurd 'lucky strikes'. It certainly makes things way sexier than they really are. Because when you know things, you don't brag about it. Easy as 1, 2, 3.

Oh, and mark me: it's always been about SRH. No wonder the boundaries feel 'blurred'.

[yazthebookish]

I absolutely get some readers not liking the potential of Az and Gwyn or even not wanting it to happen because they root for another couple which is absolutely valid. We let off a lot of steam in the past two years but I think we're at a stage where each side should mind their own business.

But this is also a post for the pro-Gwynriel crowd so if that's not your cup of tea, ignore this post. I'm not responsible for you getting upset over reading something you know you won't be happy with.

Disclaimer: I wrote this post based on my own interpretation of the text and the opinion I formed.

Like I said, I absolutely get why some don't see it or won't like it but I do get puzzled as to why when people explain why they see it's potential, it's immediately shot down.

My number one question would be: from a narrative perspective, why would SJM introduce a new female character and place her within Az's circle when there is that whole Elain and Mor thing going on? She absolutely did not need to do that. She did anyways. Whether you think it's platonic or romantic, the book does shift a little focus on Gwyn and Az in some scenes where they are present.

First, let's talk about their history. So it's pointed out that Az is the first person to reach Sangravah and he was the one to save Gwyn. I'm not saying a romance sparked there and it has nothing to do with romance at that stage but it is part of their history. Sarah could've said it's Rhys, it's Cassian, it's Mor, but it's mentioned multiple times that it's Az who saved Gwyn.

We also have the Valkyrie subplot, it's not only Cassian, Nesta, Gwyn, Emerie that are involved in it but Az is part of it too. Az is brought in to train other group of priestesses since Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie are under Cassian's charge—but what does eventually happen? we start to notice in some of the scenes that there are subtle or not so subtle attention to how Az or Gwyn observe or react to each other. He even trains her personally and I assume on their own at one point.

“Gwyn let out a high-pitched noise that was nothing but pure excitement. Azriel, on the other side of the ring with the rest of the priestesses, half-turned at the sound, brows high.”

One example is this, was this something necessary for the reader to make note of? did we need to know that Az, who was occupied with the other priestesses, turned at the sound of Gwyn squealing from the other side of the ring with an amused expression? this is one of the examples of how the narrative makes sure the reader makes note of this. The argument is not whether it's romantic or not, but these reactions are pointed out to the reader in particular.

So back to the Valkyrie subplot, Az is part of that but not only that, he actively had a part in training Gwyn. Not Nesta, not Emerie, but Gwyn. Why establish that between them? Why make him play a part in her becoming a Valkyrie? That to me is also another connection SJM established between them.

We could have gone the entire book without Az being involved in any of this. But SJM chose to have him involved with the Valkyries' training and Gwyn's in particular, especially knowing that the ending of ACOSF tells us not only Cassian but also Az will continue to train them. He will still be in close proximity with Gwyn and co.

No matter how many times I reread the book it's clear to me that there is a set up. It made me think they're compatible for each other in the way they both are lightly bantering and challenging each other. It did create a potential future for both of them where they develop romantic feelings for each other and I definitely would rather see that happen on page—given that the two females Az have feelings for were abrupt in a way (especially for Elain) and to me there is no organic development to it. He fixated on certain things that seems might make him feel worthy of someone, but they also feed into his self-loath. I think the idea of 3 sisters and 3 brothers reinforced that because like I have said before, it would've been more romantic for me to see him accept Elain with or without her bond to Lucien rather than resent and question it. Because him accepting it makes me think he wants her for her and a bond to another male won't stop him from being with her, but he does make a big deal out of it even though neither Elain or Lucien acted on it so there isn't someone in his way stopping him from being with her (pre-Rhys pulling rank) because he knows Elain has no interest in Lucien (to him).

SJM could have absolutely make Az form no connection or have any sort of interaction with Gwyn the same way he was indifferent and never spoke to Emerie. But that's not what we got so let's talk about the elephant in the room: his bonus chapter.

This is something I've always said, why add Gwyn? the chapter personally confirmed to me the crumbs I picked up on while reading ACOSF and noticing how the narrative shifts my attention sometimes towards Az and Gwyn. Not that there aren't any for Elain and Az, but as I said the bonus chapter confirmed to me what likely Az's storyline is going to involve and focus on.

Theories aside, reading the bonus chapter for what it is and moving past that sad but also miserable first part and finding Gwyn there with her part, it was a breath of fresh air. The wording and Az's emotions during her part made them much more appealing to me because their interaction started out awkward, and then sweet and more light-hearted. She gives him an out he does not take, she smiles at his shadows, his shadows feel calm and content to watch her, the mating bond language (which parallels other mated couples), him going from being frustrated and pissed to him laughing and feeling settled down at the end of his scene with her.

One major thing we got was: he sings. Why does that matter? because she also sings. Theories aside, there is a similarity there that was not needed to be made. But the author made it.

Also, out of all the characters we get after her scene, it's Clotho who shows up. And who is Clotho? Gwyn's guardian in a way. We all agree the necklace move was not a great one but that ending to me had a light romantic coding (theories aside).

Clotho's pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring to her.

Something sparked in Azriel's chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn's teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it.  

But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly.

A thing of secret, lovely beauty.

What started as a depressing and hopeless chapter for Az ended with a beautiful hopeful ending. It ended with him thinking about Gwyn's joy and burying that image deep in his chest where it glows quietly.

To add, Gwyn is the only character in the entire series from what I've read where Az's shadows reactions to her specifically are totally unique. Interpretations of this will differ, but it's there. Why go as far as to make them unique to her?

I will say this again that I'm okay with people not seeing the hints or not liking it, but I do wonder sometimes even when readers highlight all of this (which, everything I mentioned here is from the books) it's met with so much resistance to the point people's reading comprehension is questioned. There is always room for different interpretations, not liking one does not invalidate it and this is something I also try to personally remind myself of.

But my question will always be: why did Sarah have to place Gwyn within Az's circle? even if your answer is they'll probably be platonic it means I'm correct in saying that the narrative did truly establish a connection between Az and Gwyn in ACOSF and his chapter whether they'll be a romantic pairing or platonic friends. There is something there.

[slayerkitty]

On Hidden Agenda And if the Agenda is Really Hidden

Otherwise known as @respectthepetty and I watched episode 11, looked at each other, scratched our heads and pulled the clown car over to the side of the road. Episode 11 was not the traditional "BL Episode of Doom" it usually is in most BLs. Some BLs do purposefully subvert this trope or move the episode of doom to episode 10 instead.

It didn't feel like that was what happened here. So we hopped out of the clown car, whipped out our phones to check our maps and directions, because we were very, very confused. We were so sure we had the show figured out! And...no?

So we decided to backtrack; turn the clown car around and start the trip again from the start. To take this week and re-watch Hidden Agenda from the beginning and figure out what the hell we missed.

We also took a detour into source material territory (aka looked up a summary about the book) which was no help to the current situation, because @respectthepetty discovered that JengPok, Nita's stalker, Puen, and Wave x Trin weren't even in it! The only thing we were able to confirm with it is that it's from Joke's POV, he's unhinged in it, and Zo spends most of it dating Nita.

With all this in mind, I sat down with episode 1 of Hidden Agenda in hopes that I would discover anything that we might have missed. I also have slowly cultivated two theories that as of episode 6 still hold up though I don't know how much weight I want to give the second one (but I also can't let it go).

Before I delve into the theories, I do want to point out a couple things that I have noticed.

Zo is super intense about debate club, NOVA, and the Finland scholarship from episode 1. His coaching of Joke in episode 2 rivals his mother's coaching of him in episode 10. If someone who makes gifs could make a gif set that parallels those two scenes, I would be eternally grateful; it will blow your mind. Zo's issues with disappointing his mom are also there from episode one, but they are super subtle. He doesn't want Kot to tag him in his IG story because his mom might see him at the bar drinking. He mentions in I think either episode 2 or 3 that his mom hasn't visited in a while because she's been busy and the way he says it is so... ugh, he needs a hug.

Zo's trauma from Puen's horrible treatment of him is also evident from episode 1 as well; he is constantly saying that he doesn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, that he's worried he's upsetting people, etc. It's constant. Seriously, someone hug Zo.

Theory 1: Joke did something bad/something bad happened to someone he cared about (probably in high school and appears to have gotten therapy about it based on how he speaks)

Episode 1:

In the flashback to the Freshy Contest, while Joke is scolding(?) Zo, he says, "What you said on that stage won't change a broken system."

Episode 2:

Joke tells Zo, "My tongue gets me in trouble."

When Joke and Zo are debating about hidden agendas in relationships, Joke asks why he should tell someone things when he starts dating them because he should be able to tell things in his own time.

Episode 3:

Joke says "Before you get to know someone, you need to know yourself."

Joke also asks/tells Zo to trust him for the first time.

Joke talks about the Triangular Theory of Love: Passion, Intimacy and Commitment

Joke is pretty worried when Zo crashes his bike and makes Zo ride with him instead.

Joke mentions that he used to go to the restaurant Zo picked out with his dad, back when they used to go out to eat; this suggests a distance between him and his dad.

During dinner, Joke says that "What you see of someone may not be the whole story," and "Stay true to yourself."

In the library, Joke tells Zo "I would never let someone I love face danger alone."

The next day, Zo is sitting outside when Joke finds him and says that Zo wasn't answering his calls. and it's implied he was searching for Zo because he was worried.

Joke invites himself on Zo's trip as if he's afraid if Zo leaves without him, something bad will happen.

Episode 4:

Joke tells Zo he couldn't leave Zo "alone and sad" and "I'll never abandon you"

Joke also says "I only care for those who care for me."

Joke is afraid of the glass bridge but he's also to worried to let Zo go out on the bridge by himself.

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 6:

Joke gifts Zo a sunflower pillow and tells him to look up the meaning, Zo searches up "liveliness sprung from despair."

Joke insists on picking up Zo so Zo doesn't go out in the rain/worried about his health.

Kot doesn't seem to like Joke and extremely overreacts to the way Joke trying to get Zo to eat the food he bought. Now, Joke was maybe a little pushy, but Kot goes off the handle.

When cuddling in bed, Joke says "hugging for 30s releases Oxytocin" and if they hug longer, "it means we feel the same."

Theory 2: Joke is a stalker

Yeah, you read that right. There is ample evidence throughout the first 6 episodes that on first watch, didn't quite ring alarm bells, but on re-watch, are setting off sirens. I kinda had this as a crack theory in the back of my head after episode 8 first aired, but now it's staring me in the face and feels a lot less crack-y

Episode 1:

Joke eavesdrops on Zo recording his podcast

Joke is super intense when speaking to Zo at the studio and manhandles him a little so that Joke can sort of pin him against the wall.

Joke eavesdrops on Zo and friends on the bus and then approaches him after to give advice on Nita

Joke asks Zo if the iced coffee is for Zo and says it's not because "Zo doesn't like coffee."

Joke always seems to be around when Zo is trying to approach Nita.

Joke confesses that he has a crush before singing a song.

When Zo tries to leave the bathroom after getting sick, Joke actively won't let him, grabbing him roughly and holding him in place.

In the flashback to the Freshy Contest, Zo asks Joke why he won't quit if he hates it and Joke says he has his reasons.

At the studio, Joke says "I love you and you love me" in Chinese and proceeds to do what has been touted as an "erotic wedding based tradition" with drinking the Roselle juice.

Episode 2:

Joke starts pushing boundaries with food

Joke and Zo make a deal to help Zo with Nita.

Joke has a fantasy of Zo winning and them kissing.

Joke pushes boundaries with food again

Joke admits to Zo he has a crush on someone.

When Joke and Zo are debating about hidden agendas in relationships, Joke asks why he should tell someone things when he starts dating them because he should be able to tell things in his own time.

Joke ties Zo's shoe

Joke says he's already started helping Zo with Nita, but has he?

Episode 3:

Joke basically milks all the situations with Zo in his favor under the guise of helping Zo with Nita

Joke admits he listens to Zo's podcast because it helps him sleep.

During dinner, Joke says that "What you see of someone may not be the whole story," and "Stay true to yourself."

In the library, Joke tells Zo "I would never let someone I love face danger alone."

The next day, Zo is sitting outside when Joke finds him and says that Zo wasn't answering his calls. and it's implied he was searching for Zo because he was worried.

Joke insists on driving Zo home despite Zo's protests.

Joke invites himself on Zo's trip really insistently and hugs Zo excitedly when Zo agrees.

Episode 4:

Joke tells Zo he couldn't leave Zo "alone and sad" and "I'll never abandon you"

Joke also says "I only care for those who care for me."

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 4:

Joke knows how long it's been since Zo changed his profile pic.

After dinner, Joke says "Sometimes people don't show all their cards."

Episode 5:

Joke confronts Zo for trying to avoid him and wanting to forget their kiss. Joke is incredibly aggressive and spills his drink on Zo as a result.

Joke continues to message Zo that Zo is avoiding him and that he's going to come over. Zo says not to. Joke does anyway.

Joke gets himself invited to dinner with Zo and his mom.

Joke makes a move while doing dishes and tells Zo he wants to know how Zo feels.

Joke says "why would you hurt me and tell me to forget?" and "you never care about my feelings."

Joke also says "don't run away from me," and "don't avoid me."

Joke confesses through tongue twister.

Joke remembers that Zo hates stink beans.

Joke tells Zo "I would do anything for you," and "I like you Zo, I want to show you that you like me, too."

Asks Zo to let Joke pursue him.

Episode 6:

Joke gifts Zo a sunflower pillow and tells him to look up the meaning, Zo searches up "liveliness sprung from despair."

Joke insists on picking up Zo so Zo doesn't go out in the rain/worried about his health.

Joke pushes boundaries with food again and then fights with Kot.

Zo tells Joke he needs to respect boundaries.

Joke oversteps boundaries again in at debate club.

Joke pushes Zo again for an answer on his feelings; Joke says he "will always wait" for Zo.

Joke also insists that Zo was into him all along and not Nita.

Joke watches Zo at the debate open house and gets jealous.

Joke wants Zo to stay over; he pushes Zo again for an answer to his feelings. When Zo wants to go shower, Joke grabs his arm and stop him, saying that he won't let Zo run away.

Joke gives Zo the arcade t-shirt and when Zo says he doesn't know the significance, Joke tells Zo to take it off. Joke then takes his own shirt off and refuses to put it back on.

Joke asks to hold Zo and Zo doesn't answer, just rolls over onto his side away from Joke. Joke says "silence means yes" (and in this case it did but OH MY GOD) and proceeds to cuddle Zo.

As I go through my re-watch, I'll add more to both theories but as of episode 6, they both hold up. I can't decide of Joke himself actually did (insert bad thing here) to someone, or just knew someone that (insert bad thing here) happened to. Joke being a stalker wasn't that evident at first, but it is now! At a minimum, Joke is obsessive, posessive and overly clingy.

Also, these theories can both be true! They don't contradict each other in any way. Stay tuned for Part 2, probably... Friday or Saturday.

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Roy reads Dark Heir by C. S. Pacat and is immediately seized by the delicious possibilities of him and Jamie roleplaying as a certain Dark King and his general/consort/queen, golden collar and all. He knows Jamie would be right into it too, but still can’t find it in him to suggest it, because while Roy is absolutely vain enough to be thrilled at the idea of playing the Dark King he’s also vain enough not to want anyone to know that.

(Sad side note, the whole ‘I bring destruction to everyone I love and if they see me for the darkness I truly am they will reject me’ vibe would totally resonate with Roy.)

So Roy, in an heroic effort to be sneaky (which does not come naturally to him at all), tries to dream up ways to get Jamie to read the book and then Jamie can suggest they do a little bit of the old playacting (because if there’s one thing that’s certain in this messy world, it is the fact that Jamie wouldn’t hesitate for a second to claim the role of the prettiest boy in all of existence, the champion, the golden boy, coveted by all).

(Sad side note 2, something something Jamie’s experiences with his father sometimes leading him to think he’s only any good if he’s the best, his abilities far more important than him as a person, him only wanted for the skills he bring… Gooey center in a sharp arsehole coating.)

Roy tries leaving the book out, hoping that Jamie will pick it up. (Jamie does not. Jamie has selfies to snap and penalties to practise and Keeley to take shopping.) Roy calls Ted and tries to convince him to suggest the novel to Jamie. (Ted does not. “Think I might have fumbled it a little with my last book assignment, you know, think I’d rather just let Jamie pick his own reading from now on.”) Roy floats the idea of a team book club where everyone will read Dark Heir. “It’ll be like, bonding and shit.” (Beard reads the book. Beard comes back to Nelson Road and just fixes Roy with that stare of his and says, “No. And if you want something from Jamie, the right way to get it is to talk to him about it.”)

Roy does not take Beard’s advice. In desperation, he starts reading aloud to Jamie, on lazy afternoons spread out on the coach. He doesn’t start with Dark Heir, either, that’d be too obvious, he reads a couple of other books first, and then he pulls out Dark Rise and its sequel, and—

“Hey, do you know what would be really sexy?”

Finally. Roy feels a wave of relieved anticipation sweep over him at Jamie’s interruption. Months and months of desperate yearning and now his hard work will finally be rewarded and—

“We could, like, pretend that I’m the Dark King and I’d get you this really nice collar, I’d make it real gold and everything, and you’d do anything I say. That’s be hot, right?”

Roy freezes. Blinks. Stares at Jamie, because— “Fucking what— ” he sputters. “That’s not— I’m the Dark King, you’re—

And Jamie laughs, bright and triumphant. “I fucking knew it!” he says, eyes dancing as he shakes his head, looking equal parts smug and fond. “You’re not fucking subtle, man.”

His cheeks are heating up, Roy can feel it, but he resists the urge to get up and stalk off, because while Jamie’s clearly giddy with glee, he doesn’t look disgusted or put off or upset. If anything, he looks delighted.

Roy clears his throat. “So… that’s something… you’d be interested in, then?”

Jamie looks up at him through his lashes, his grin morphing into something far softer and more pliant. He shifts, pulling his legs up under him, until he’s almost kneeling on the coach next to Roy. “How do you want me… my King?” he murmurs.

And then, just before Roy can pull him in for a kiss meant to devour, he adds, “Not joking about the collar being gold, though. And maybe mix the rubies up with sapphires, red and blue for Richmond, right? Bet I’d look dead fit in that.”

“Yeah, okay,” Roy agrees, so quickly the words are almost unintelligible.

He’ll get Jamie a golden collar. He’ll get him the whole fucking world.

Bonus: If you (like me) lean RJK, Keeley could join in as the Lady, make it a very messy threesome. Or, I suppose, she could get her turn as the Dark King, have Roy be Visander.

[polaroidcats]

You said "remus is too busy being in love with karl that he doesn't realize prongsfoot are in love with him" so what happens once he does realize prongsfoot are in love with him? Will they get all his attention or will karl always be his one true love? If so how do prongsfoot feel about it?

LLAMA!!!! finally getting around to answer this, I will preface it by saying I think the horny ghost of gay Karl Marx possessed me and I cannot be held accountable for what you're about to read! Also, after writing this I realized that I completely ignored the "in love with" part, so that'll have to wait for part 3, this part 2 of the antifa wolfstarbucks saga is more about bookshelves, horniness and practical examples of communism than it is about love, sorrynotsorry we will get to the love part eventually!

Okay so this is a direct continuation of the antifa wolfstarbucks post, here we go:

They're all dancing and Remus still feels a bit strange third wheeling a couple like that, Sirius and James are making out passionately and he would give them their privacy but he can't because one of his hands is locked with James's hand, and James's thumb is slowly rubbing circles on the knuckles of Remus's thumb. Meanwhile Sirius put one of his hands in the back pocket of Remus's jeans, which at first made Remus really excited because he thought it might finally be a clear sign that they are actually flirting with him, but then he remembers it's his left jeans pocket, where he keeps the communist manifesto, so Sirius probably just wants to feel a bit closer to Karl Marx while he's kissing his boyfriend, and Remus's ass cheek is simply collateral damage. Sirius keeps massaging his ass though, but Remus thinks he's probably doing that to soothe him so he's not too upset Sirius is taking advantage of Remus's communist manifesto instead of using his own...

That thought makes Remus look up at the bookshelves on the wall and his eyes automatically start searching for the communist manifesto. He can see 2 complete editions of Das Kapital in all their beauty, and there is a book wedged in between them but it looks a bit too big to be a copy of the communist manifesto. Remus disentangles himself from James and Sirius, who break their kiss to look at him but he doesn't even notice because now he's standing in front of the bookshelf, staring at a copy of Conjectures and Refutations by Karl Popper that sits in between the two editions of capital. Remus lets out a shocked gasp and takes the book from the shelf, looking for another space where it might fit in better, literally anywhere else will do but you can't just put Popper into a Marx sandwich, that should be illegal (even if the whole question of legality might be a bit complicated in this context, he thinks, chuckling to himself because he's so funny, making a joke about these silly anarchists who don't know how to properly organize a bookshelf. Did they organize it by author's first names or did they put Popper there on purpose? He can't even decide which option he finds more appalling). Remus settles on putting Popper next to Hayek, shuddering a little at the spectre of neoliberalism that haunts that section of the bookshelf. He quickly averts his gaze, not wanting to discover any other Mont Pèlerin society members and looks for something to soothe his mind when his eyes finally fall onto an edition of the Communist manifesto and other texts by Marx and Engels, right in between Hannah Arendt and Rosa Luxemburg and he starts to really question the sanity of whoever organized the bookshelf.

Suddenly he feels hands on his hips and Sirius is pressed against his back, resting his chin on Remus's shoulder and even through the book in his back pocket he can feel Sirius's arousal pressing against him... well, against him and Karl... Remus blushes hard at how much he enjoys that last thought and he's only a little bit embarrassed to admit that he is starting to get turned on by Sirius pressing against his back, knowing he still has the communist manifesto in his back pocket. He turns his face a bit to the left, where James is looking at the two of them with a fond expression.

"Are you okay with this Remus? If anything makes you uncomfortable please just say something and we will stop!" Remus looks at James, trying to decipher what he could have meant by that. Is Remus uncomfortable with their unorganized bookshelf? Well, yes, of course he is. But something (it might be Sirius's hands running all over his torso and occasionally brushing his nipples in a way that does not feel completely accidental, but Remus still isn't convinced Sirius is doing it on purpose) tells him this is about something else. Maybe James is asking permission to keep kissing Sirius in front of Remus, and if that is it Remus wants to scream YES! because even if he can never join them, he's so happy to be part of it in any small way they let him be. And if Sirius enjoys rubbing against his back and touching him, he might feel a little bit used knowing it's actually all for James (and maybe a little bit for Karl too) and not for him, but god, being used has never felt this good.

Remus looks James in the eyes and manages to sound almost normal when he says "I'm good, I'm just really happy to be here with you guys" with a trembling voice, while Sirius's hands keep exploring Remus's body in a way that makes Remus think about sharing his means of reproduction with the both them. James's face breaks into a big smile and by the sound of Sirius behind him, he's also very happy about it. As if on cue Sirius starts kissing Remus's neck and Remus thinks he might actually faint any second now because this is so much more than he could've ever hoped for, and it's also so surprising to him, since up until 5 minutes ago there had been no signs at all that these guys might actually be interested in him!! At some point he must've closed his eyes, just lost in the sensation of Sirius pressed against his back, hard, with his tongue and mouth and teeth exploring his neck, his back,...

Remus makes a very undignified sound when Sirius bites down on his shoulder and Sirius stops immediately and asks with a concerned voice "too much?" Remus doesn't know how to answer this without giving away how much more he wants from them so he just turns around and kisses Sirius to show him that nothing he has done so far has been too much, Remus is so greedy now, if he can only have them for a night, he wants nothing more than to turn "from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs" into a sexy, practical mantra. He's sure Marx would approve, he was all about acting on ideology and not just talking shit about theory after all, and Remus is so, so ready to act on that particular philosophy and give them everything he can and take all they are willing to give to him in return.

James seems to sense this shift in Remus's mood and gently grabs them both by their waists and starts massaging their lower backs while they continue making out. As soon as they break their kiss (far too soon for Remus's liking) James swoops in and pecks Sirius on the nose, which makes both of them giggle and share a look that's so intimate and full of love and adoration, Remus can't help but smile because he loves seeing them like that. Then James turns to Remus and looks at him with a clear question in his eyes. Remus can only manage a tiny nod, he wants this, he wants it so badly and he's afraid if he talks now he will ruin this perfect moment and make them reconsider everything so he doesn't dare. He just looks at James and tilts his head a bit to the right and towards James, who happily takes the hint and closes the distance between them.