#someone in a fb group i’m in (i hate fb groups but it’s run by one of my favourite authors and she can do anything she wants forever)

[fingertipsmp3]

Tbh it’s been so long since a book has made me feel completely and utterly insane. I need to read something that’s going to make me want to scream and peel my skin off

[chasing-rabbits]

Whilst I appreciate there are some vegans who are 100% ableist and shitty human beings because in every group ever you will have extremists and shitty people because shitty people exist all around us regardless of beliefs race religion etc etc I have encountered such ableist vegans but one thing to note the plastic straw ban as far as I know wasn’t propagated largely by vegans and if anything I saw a LOT of vegans complaining about it because all it served to do was look like activism and patting people on the back making them feel good about themselves for accomplishing a ‘win’ against climate change when they did basically fuck all because it makes up like 0.01% of all plastic in the oceans. I don’t doubt there were vegans promoting it too but all I’m saying is I don’t ever remember it being an entire movement caused by vegans. Personally I think it’s fucking stupid that we get served our iced coffees in plastic cups whilst being forced to use paper straws it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen. And you’re right absolutely ignores people with disabilities including those on the spectrum - my partner hates these new straws and it seems to be a similar issue amongst many on the spectrum. As someone whose disabled and been vegan for 9 years this year actually I’ve had to go from cooking completely from scratch to relying on ready meals almost entirely well that and quick stuff I can shove in the oven. I also have a host of dietary needs including Gluten intolerance which has made it very expensive to do so because gluten free foods are super over priced. I’ve actually been eating fish since the pandemic but I’m still vegan and I’m still accepted by the vegan community or at least those in my circle at present incl a local vegan FB group I’m in. The fact that I’ve currently had to include fish in my diet makes me no less vegan because unlike popular belief veganism isn’t a diet and a plant based diet is separate from veganism. I don’t buy leather or wool. I don’t consume other animal products. I don’t buy makeup but in regards to other items I always look for the cruelty free sign and vegan if applicable. I am living proof of a disabled vegan on low income ( I’m on benefits including disability benefits/PIP I live in the UK) who’s not currently following a completely plant based diet. You could eat an entirely non plant based diet so change none of your eating habits right now and technically still be vegan if you were contributing in other ways i.e not buying leather etc etc. Also many people can do meatless Mondays or reduce their meat intake to some degree and those who genuinely cannot are not the majority. My grandma had issues with Iron as well and not out of any love for animals (although she loved cats) ate a mostly vegetarian diet because it’s honestly just what she preferred but she did eat meat specifically i forget whatever organ it is that’s high in iron uh liver I wanna say it was. She’d every month have that and she did eat meat don’t get me wrong she just preferred other foods. And that’s not me suggesting you could do what she did not at all. This is just me saying that I understand people who cannot eat a vegan diet hell not even a vegetarian diet because of issues such as iron intake because my Grandma had the same and actually they first went veggie because my Granddad had heart issues and she got a bit of a scare as it runs in his side of the family so she was feeding him pulses and all the healthy stuff to try and improve his health but her iron levels got affected because of it plus veggie food in the 60s-80s was not nice apparently according to my mum. Plus my dad used to sneak him a burger every now and again on a Friday as a treat. Anyways now I am rambling but they make a good point above and

Okay listen I’m all for people doing their part to be more environmentally conscious but one thing I really wish was talked about more is how ableist vegan and zero waste communities can be.

A lot of disabled people NEED single use plastic straws. A lot of disabled people NEED precut, packaged vegetables. Same with veganism. I have severe anemia to the point where I have to get iron infusions because my body doesn’t absorb it properly. I tried being vegan but it was not sustainable for me because it made my health issues a lot worse. Veganism is not possible for a lot of people.

And it’s not just physical disabilities either. If your depression prevents you from cooking your own food, go ahead and get the pre made meals. Doing what you can to make things more accessible to you does not make you a bad person. This is not even getting into the financial privileges needed to have an “eco friendly” lifestyle.

If you’re zero waste or vegan that’s great, I’m happy for you but please do not try and push other people to do the same. No one owes you an explanation on why that lifestyle isn’t for them, and no one is a bad person for having a different lifestyle than you.

[cleostoohot]

Hi! I I know you don’t care about the drama but I just hate the misinformation being spread rn. People on Twitter will take whatever their mutuals say and run with it and even though I’m not a sammy fan I still can acknowledge what happened to her on twt wasn’t right. So a month back when everyone was worshiping sammy on twt she made a coaching service based around the 10k challenge where she would just make some affs for one desire instead of several like her regular coaching she wasn’t charming people to do the challenge it was just loosely based around it via the name which she changed. She also tagged td and viper in the video she made about the 10k challenge but after td ran to twt she removed td from the description even though td was mentioned in the video itself. They claimed she stole and tried to profit off the challenge that td and viper made bc td is black but it was only the 10k challenge in name the coaching was literally the same thing she was doing for every package expect it was focused on one desire instead of several. Then they started calling her transphobic bc she called someone with she/they pronouns in their bio “miss” like it was a witch hunt they even made Twitter circles to discredit her, fat shame her, they even posted pics of her with her family to bash her and they started saying she was a scammer and paying for coaching is dumb etc. It was really bad and messy and people sent her death threats and after that td and her friend started saying the death threat was fake with their “proof” which was saying their twt doesn’t look like Sammy’s but sammy showed her twt dms and proved that it was a real death threat. Sammy tried letting it go but the whole loa twt community kept bashing sammy body shaming her saying if she’s such a master manifester why can’t she manifest being skinny etc. whew this was lowkey really triggering for me bc I had been recovering from my ED so that was whewwww a moment to say the least. Anyways Sammy told her followers to not engage in the drama especially bc td was a minor etc but there’s two annoying bitches on twt that be under every sammy hate comment defending her they’re hella dumb and annoying lmfaooo but I digress. The situation ended but loa twt kept making sammy into a joke etc and there was hate accounts created about sammy one is called “caliyah Meeks” and all they do is shit on sammy. Then a YouTuber made a video basically shitting on sammy presumably for clout bc that vid got 4k views and her other videos Barely reached 100 views. This account was in communication with the sammy hate account on twt and that account used the aiva situation to bash sammy and use it as a reason to say she’s awful yet that same person couldn’t even tell their 30+ thousand followers to affirm for Aiva and all the other black content creators impacted?? That shit is madddd weird! So tbh I can understand why she feels that it’s a setup bc they kept their foot on her neck even after she left twt not to mention this behavior from the hackers is something she doesn’t condone and has never encouraged and tbh it came as a shock something like this would happen bc sure ppl would defend her when they were being vicious to her on twt but for her followers to try and take down other channels??? And unprovoked at that???? It’s just out of nowhere and I’m sure she just like many others are surprised with the mermaid gang hacker cult that’s happening bc it was so random like even in the fb group everyone is chill af yk? All ppl do is just manifest and give out tips and success stories no drama at all. She actually did address the situation in her YouTube channel community tab and she’s trying to find out the rest of the impacted channels to try and get their subscribers back and told the mermaid gang to affirm that the people who did this gets exposed and that the people get their channels back so if you or anyone else know of the other channels please spread the word so we can help them gain subscribers!!!!! This situation is serious and we need to affirm at least. Sorry this is so long.

ima put that on my reading log for english class now worries 🫶🏽 (it’s a jokey joke)

but no i never see bullying or especially death threats as acceptable like it’s so childish. imagine telling someone to harm themselves or just saying harsh things to them when they haven’t even said anything like that to u. that’s something that a lot of people need to work on.

[sarcasticbabywhispererjess]

You’d think I’d be used to hearing about coworkers getting married and pregnant by now since I feel like it had happened consistently since I started, but I still get bummed out and envious. They’ll be under 30, then complain about how old they are and how they’re running out of time. I guess I’m just plain out of time at 35. Am I doing anything to remedy my singleness and barrenness? Not really. I really do feel like I’m past due, so why even try at this point? Anyone my age is looking at younger models, older than me are established and have the kids they want, and younger would probably expect me to be some experienced, confident almost cougar instead of chronically single pretty much novice in dating and relationships.

Where did I go so wrong? When? Should I have just stayed with my weird, asshole ex from over a decade ago? Or responded to any of his messages in the last 10 years trying to reengage with me? Even he has a fucking kid. Perhaps I am just meant to be alone and childless forever.

I suppose I’m extra emotional right now because of PMS and I’ve waste another mediocre egg or two that could’ve been a genetically fucked little baby since I’d be a geriatric pregnancy at this point. I just hate that I want things that the universe has deemed me unworthy of.

The only plus of not having friends here (or really anywhere) is that even with all my these pregnancies and weddings, I’ve felt no obligation to buy any gifts or give anyone any money. I did make one baby blanket, but that’s it. I’m not even that close to that girl, so I’m not sure why I did it. She had the baby at least a month ago, I think.

I think I managed to push away my one little friend group that I’d made in OR 5 years ago. I’ve been to two of their weddings and other little vacations prior to the pandora, but they have their own lives and I have nothing so my envious ass got tired of seeing what I didn’t have. I pretty much quit replying in our group text and now they haven’t texted in it since the beginning of August, which I’m sure means they have a separate group text without me. Which is what I wanted, I guess. I don’t share myself anywhere but here anymore and it’s mostly just complaints. I don’t post on FB or Instagram. I have nothing to post and I don’t feel like anyone would care if I did, it’s all just fake and performative. I go to work. I walk my dog. I go to the gym. I eat doughnuts and get fatter every day. I lay in bed and watch TV or Tiktok (sometimes both at the same time). And then repeat. No one would care to see that and I don’t see the point of making the effort. If I could just find something to bring me some joy, life wouldn’t feel so monotonous and boring. I want someone to actually care and make me cut out all my bullshit. I probably just need a therapist. But who has the time? Me. I have so much free time. I don’t know where it goes every day. I barely do anything and then the day is over.

Well that took a turn. I should just stop before I make myself cry again. I’m at work, it’s unprofessional.

[valiantlyweepingdreamer]

For the fanfic writer asks, 1, 5, 7, 13, and 38? Love you! Hope you feel better soon! ❤️

Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

I...don't know?I have written everything from crack to soul-crushing, and enjoyed them all. I guess I wouldn't really say I have a comfort zone. Every single thing I share is pulling me out of an extremely well established comfort zone, regardless of the content.

5. Share one of your strengths.

Ew. Is this a job interview? /t /lh

Hmmmmm. I'm exceptionally good at creating OCs that are universally hated, and while it may be kind of an odd thing to be proud of, I am proud of it.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

From Ain't Nothing Funny When a Soldier Cries:

"Somewhere deep inside, Willie felt guilty for even comparing the two. Maybe the choice had been taken out of Luke’s hands. He hadn’t been any more ready to be under the willow tree than his friends had been to put him there. The pain of losing Luke had been quick, sharp – as though someone had run straight through his heart with a sword.

The pain of Julie choosing to cut them out of her life felt like someone had grabbed that sword and pulled it out, centimeter by centimeter, being sure to twist it as they did so."

This...gosh, I legitimately don't even know where it came from, but as soon as the words were there, I knew they were perfect. That entire fic, a collab with a couple of amazing people, is something I'm proud of, but those lines... they nearly broke me, even as I wrote them.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Okay, so I get teased for it, but I tend to hyperfixate on little things (generally to prevent me from actually having to write something new). So I found something, I don't remember if it was Tumblr or Pinterest or FB or what, but it said that if you can't think of a word, type ELEPHANT and go on. That way you don't break your rhythm by searching for a single word, and at the end, you can do a "find" command and worry about filling those spots in. It's helped me a lot!

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

I know everyone says it, but literally every (positive) review just absolutely makes my heart soar. While I was looking for the snippet for 7, though, I was reminded of this one, which just.....I don't know whether I want to laugh, cry or what, but it definitely improved my mood. CW: Contains spoilers for Ain't Nothing Funny When a Soldier Cries. Also...swearing.

"

GENUINELY, just……. what is wrong with you people? (this is /affectionate BUT STILL WHAT THE HELL GUYS)

Like… the entire process of you writing this slash torturing me with it I was like, what could they possibly be doing, but what you were DOINGGG was creating this INSANE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WORLD WHERE ALL IS JUST COMPLEX, HEARTWRENCHING, EMOTIONAL PAIN?????? Like you were all honestly out here writing all this BEAUTIFUL shit and then sending me angel gifs and halo emojis????

YOU’RE EVIL, CLAIM IT AND BE PROUD OF IT, BECAUSE THIS WAS SUCH AN AMAZING FIC. I am actually so upset that I will never be able to read this for the first time again, because it was such a whirlwind (made even better by yelling at you guys in our group chat – RIP to robyn when she wakes up to like, 800 missed messages)

YOUR TALENT AND APATHY IS HONESTLY SO ADMIRABLE YET OFFENSIVE AT THE SAME TIME LIKE DAMN GUYS GO AWAY ALSO NOW THAT I’M OFFICALLY DONE I HATE YOU EVEN MORE BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAID TO EACH OTHER WHEN THEY REUINTED"

[willow-salix]

This is going to be out of the blue and there's no need for a response to it, but I guess I feel like some of you deserve to get a peek behind my armour.

Facebook just gave me a memory from 7 years ago, showing me an album that I'd rather not see quite honestly, but you know when you're just drawn in even though you know it's against your better judgement? Yep, that was me just now.

The album is full of screenshots of the absolute shit ton of crap that I've had on the Internet over the years.

I was in the RP world for ten years, and in that time I was verbally and mentally attacked a lot, I was mentally abused, I was stalked, I was blamed for things I never did, I was used as a scapegoat for things I never did. I was the victim of unwarranted attacks that had my accounts deleted by fb so that I lost YEARS of writing.

I got my heart broken over and over again by people that claimed tk be my friends, people that claimed to love me but that were all too happy to dump me the second a better option came along. People that I sat up all night with, that I lost sleep over, that I went out of my way to help and support.

Some of them lied to me so throughly that they lied about who they were, where they lived, their job, their gender, their nationality, what other characters /accounts they had and everything else you could think of for over TWO years.

I've had one that claimed to be my best friend, sit on my couch, my actual couch, in my house and lie to my face. Lie to me and his long term partner and mother of his three kids that he wasnt cheating with a cheap bitch he met online (the third person he'd done it with I found out after) I only found out about her when she messaged me to tell me.

I stopped talking to him, after their friends started a smear campaign against me, and even then EVEN THEN, I talked it out and started talking to him again. But he turned it around and started blaming me and guilt tripping me again. So I cut him off. He stalked me. Like messaging my friend, posting things to me (actual letters through the mail) making new accounts to message me, buying new phone sims to call me. This was 6 years ago. He called me at the start of lockdown and left a message on my voicemail.

This man mentally abused me. He'd force me to talk to him when I had a problem and then he'd not like what I said, so he'd go silent and ignore me for up to three days, to the point that I'd worked myself up so much that I was apologising, that I was taking the blame for having feelings, only when he got that would he talk to me.

He was an alcoholic who worked in care if you can believe that, I supported him through him getting sober again, he still did all that to me.

I gave up on role play and let my character, my home, the one place I felt comfortable and safe, up. And I didn't go back for two years. I got talked around by someone, they made promises, I stupidly fell for it.

I then got used to bring their character back and to help them sort out storylines. I was then told they didn't want to work with me anymore because they had too much going on in their personal life, they blocked me and I then got screenshots that that had another writing partner already.

That broke me. That broke me and fandom and people and everything really.

I vowed never to go back.

Then I stumbled upon you lot. And I told myself not to get involved, not to start talking to anyone, not to start trusting again. Now look! Now bloody look!

I'm what... 500k + in a story that was never meant to be, I'm actually writing and collabing with people again and I have a character that I adore and feel just as comfortable with... And that is fucking scary.

It's sooooo scary. Like terrifying scary to me.

Because I'm having to trust again. Selene is like public property now, and I love how much everyone has accepted and adopted her and how they use her and write her too, that warms this cold, dead, suspicious heart of mine.

Because I can honestly say that Selene and John saved me and my sanity.

I am quite a sociable person, I love to chat to people and if I'm your friend I will go out of my way to do my best for you, to be there for you and to support you in every way I can. But I know I can be used and I dotn always see the bad in people. So I cut myself off and refused to allow myself to make friends again.

I was writing my novels and that was it. No interaction, no fun really. Then this loud mouthed witch blazed into my head, took one look at the spaceman and said "that one, he's mine, wrap him up I'll take him to go" and here she is.

They made writing fun again, they made it spontaneous and exciting, I suddenly had ideas again, people to talk to about the characters I love and it was hard. Because it was also good.

I had to trust the process, trust Selene.

But I'm also so wary. I'm wary that I'm gonna piss people off, that I'm going to annoy people with her and that people hate her. I know people don't like OCs' and I get major anxiety about that.

I've never had this amount of anxiety over stories before, never. Not my rp, not my novels, not the ones I did for class or competitions, nothing. This is singularly the most stressful writing I've ever done. Because these boys, they mean the world to me, they always have. They have always been my happy place since I was 5/6, they have always been my heart and home.

The problems I had in rp made me not like the books that I loved, the fandom I was in, because of peoples interpretations of the characters, the way they played them and the fact that they were so nasty to me. And I really really don't want that to happen here.

A few weeks ago I noticed that an account had bene set up that was clearly a piss take of me, of this account. And all the old fears and anxiety came rushing back. I instantly went running to Squiddy and Olliepig and basically tumbled around the group chat in a mess for a few minutes before I calmed down and realised what was going on and had a guess at who it could be.

But it's scary. Because I've been stalked, I've been badmouthed, I've had people make fake accounts of me to cause trouble, and it weighs on me.

Willow Salix is my author name, I had to choose that because my Pagan name (which I was writing under and still do on ff and a03) was too well known and my stalkers were reporting it every time I made a new account.

I had to come to love this name, come to see it as myself (willow is my actual real name btw) and feel comfortable with it. It's taken a long time, I've built my brand from it. I have five novels out under it. And to think of someone having an account with even a parody of that name gave me all sorts of chills.

I'm OK now, but yeah. Fun times.

So I guess... I just want people to talk to me. And I don't mean shine by ego lol, I mean that if I ever do anything to piss you off. If I ever say anything you don't like. If I ever annoy you with Selene or anything at all, PLEASE just come and talk to me.

I might put on a tough mask, and in general I am pretty hardy, but I'm a typical cancerian, hard outer shell, squishy inside.

Selene is my sanity in a home life that is far from easy, I won't go into major details but disabled husband, I'm a full time carer, he's majorly depressed and it's just... Yeah. Anyway, she's my refuge, she's my escape right now.

Actually making a side blog for her took so much guts, to allow her free rein to speak and act is scary as heck for me. Because I've been there and vowed to never go back.

The only good thing I took out of all my years of rp, apart from being able to make up a story pretty much on the spot, spontaneous replies, dialogue skills and character development, is my best friend in all the world @endellionaeternus who has seen it all and stuck by me through it all.

I have no real idea why I just typed all this, I guess I needed people to see where I'm coming from, and why Selene exists.

Yeah...

[madmagicalheathen]

So this might be my own fault because I've joined a few beginner witch groups on fb so I can teach people about witchcraft, but I get a little peeved sometimes because I feel that people try to use spells to 'fix' their life or themselves a lot. Like 'I'm depressed can someone cast me a spell' or 'I hate myself can someone cast me a spell' or 'I need my lover back can someone give me a spell' and I think it needs to be said that while its not bad to do spells at all, they're not supposed to fix your life.

I feel like using spells to fix yourself is a form of spiritual bypassing. If you need a self love spell, what I always suggest instead is some deep ongoing shadow work, grounding techniques before and after, and a self love bath once a week to supplement it. In a month or two you should at least be feeling a little better. Also taking your meds for those things is something I always tell people. Gotta do the mundane before the magical. Also if you just slap a self love spell over your trauma, eventually its gonna come back so working on it is way more effective in the long run. Honestly, shadow work is what I suggest on place of a lot of things.

Also no, I'm not gonna give you a love spell. If they dont want you, its not meant to be, and forcing it is not gonna help you.

[canimal]

There is a real person behind every single story you read.

Maybe the world has gotten colder and more impersonal or the pandemic has made everyone suspicious of everyone and see other people as enemies. Or it could be the On-Demand, Netflix-binging consumption that’s made even kind people turn selfish in their demands for more content. But Fandom isn’t as much fun as it used to be.

I’m old enough to remember when this was a place to feel safe to share your creations with other fans who were just as excited to read them. It was a community, a place you could feel like you belonged when the real world got hard. For many of us, it was an escape.

I miss those days. Am I the only one who feels like it’s all changed?

2018 was the HARDEST year of my entire life. Sorry, 2020 and 2021, y’all have NOTHING on 2018, at least in my personal experience. Every single day was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. I can’t tell you how many times I HAD to write just to give me something to keep my mind occupied. Fandom was my escape. Even after I got caught up in some ridiculous nastiness more than once when the petty drama that always seems to follow a group of any people existing in the same space couldn’t avoid me, I had a place I could find joy and safety and a sense of belonging.

It’s not something I like to talk about (or even remember) but my year of shit bled into the early half of 2019 too. At my absolute lowest point of my entire life, literally and not hyperbolically, on the edge of a full emotional nervous breakdown, I was lost and struggling for something to hold on to to keep my head above water. Perhaps I put too much hope and faith in Fandom that should have been directed elsewhere more capable of handling it.

One hateful comment I wasn’t expecting pushed me over the edge. It was embarrassing. Now I can look back cringing with red cheeks and think, “Wow, that was an overreaction, dumbass”, but at the time I just wanted to run far away. An ordinary day when I wasn’t so fragile, I could’ve just rolled my eyes and moved on. But I wanted OUT. I wanted to run away from Fandom, forget it ever existed, and live far, far away from it.

I deleted all of my stories. Almost immediately I knew I made a mistake, but my stubborn nature made me dig in my heels and say “Fuck it. I want to leave. I want to move on with my life.” That was the only way it seemed possible at the time.

I didn’t expect the bombardment of messages I received after that over the next 24 hours. Almost entirely from people I’d never heard from before or spoken to, they were requests for me to send them PDFs of my stories or demands that I repost them because they were in the middle of reading them. A few audacious souls even asked if they could “adopt” my WIPs and finish them for me the way they wanted to finish them. Some messages were from kind readers expressing concerns about me and my well-being, but the overwhelmingly majority of them were from strangers demanding more, more, MORE!

It made me feel reduced to nothing but a machine whose sole purpose was to churn out more content for ungrateful, spoiled, selfish brats to consume more stories for which they would never even offer a simple “thank you” in return. All of the late nights I stayed up forgoing the sleep I loved (and needed) to finish another chapter were for nothing. The hours and hours I could’ve spent with my family and friends instead of in front of my computer were for nothing. It was all for nothing.

Maybe a day passed before I recovered all of the stories because I couldn’t imagine going through another minute of my FFN inbox, my Tumblr Asks, and my FB Messenger blowing up with messages from strangers demanding my stories. It was too much. All I wanted was to be left alone. Clearly that wasn’t the way to go about it.

Then when I recovered the stories, MORE messages came through except they were decidedly less friendly than “Yo, The Minister’s Secret is gone. Send me a pdf. I was in the middle of it.” These messages were full of vitriol about what a disgusting human being I was. One Ask I remember responding to (still cringing when I think about it - both the content of the ask and my response) accused me of doing it all for attention and I should be ashamed of myself. (I didn’t respond kindly which I’m still a little embarrassed by, but I still stand by most of what I said… barring most of the expletives.) Most of the Asks were deleted without comment, but wow, I still occasionally get a doozy!

I lost a lot of readers after that. Even more potential readers, I’m sure. It’s something I regret. It makes me sad sometimes to think about someone I know who won’t even talk to me now because of that particular incident. I know there are others who didn’t appreciate my horribly embarrassing moment of weakness. I wish I could take that whole incident back, but sadly, there’s no “Undo” button in life.

My reputation, which in some corners of the fandom already wasn’t very good, suffered a lot. I get it. I really do. Of course I understand actions have consequences. There were plenty of other less drastic and harmful decisions I could’ve made in that moment. I wasn’t thinking clearly and wish I could’ve just stepped away from my keyboard for a few days.

I’ve never wanted to talk about this because I’m still embarrassed even 2 1/2 years later. A lot of changes have gone on in my life since then that have made me a more emotionally stable, happy human being that I wish I could’ve been back then.

My whole point on writing this rambling post is because I want to remind everyone that even if the Fandom has changed, the people haven’t. There’s a human being behind every story, every fanart, every fan blog, every review - a human being with their own struggles and weaknesses and crises. We can’t afford to forget that.

You literally don’t know if your one word of encouragement is what is helping a person who is struggling take the next step forward or if your callous rudeness or indifference is the last straw for another.

The world is mean and nasty, but that doesn’t mean we have to be too. Fandom is an escape.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

honestly one of my worst crush rejections from high school was when my years 9-12 crush (let’s call him rich boy) decided to do one of those stupid “like this status and i’ll…..” trend fb statuses that were big when i was in late high school back in 2011-2013….. and it was “like this and i’ll pair you with someone/something for shit & giggles!”. unfortunately for teen me, rich boy decided to pair himself with one of the girls in my group at catholic school, a post which had a load of likes….. while he paired me with fucking lord voldemort (leave me be i was still a hella HP stan at that age). but the post on MY timeline had received no likes but mine (i think) and a like on the weird asf comment that i’d made on it from one of our friends from catholic school.

like 17yo me liked rich boy’s status all bc she just wanted to see if he’d be nice to her on fb bc she was partly getting over the crush by then (mid 2013)…. but she was still hoping he’d write something stupidly romantic like “you’re the elizabeth bennett to my darcy” or some other jane austen pairing; even though she’d never bothered to read jane austen books back then lmao. or even “you’re the hermione granger to my ron weasley” (again LEAVE ME BE) or some other harry potter themed relationship lmao.

obvs it was all bc a couple of years earlier, rich boy had decided at our year 10 formal to hold one of teen me’s high heels up for her when it’d come off in a dance circle lmao. or at that point, she was even happy to be paired with his best friend that he kept trying to hint at her on some joke statuses with flirtatious undertones; that she should go out with him by tagging that friend on them lol.

the crush was also based on the one term long drama group assignment we did together in year 9, and the one (1) seemingly flirtatious comment he’d made to 14yo me in year 9/2010 when i had that short-lived typical train-wreck teen relationship with clear braces boy…. where rich boy and a couple of his friends decided to sit with us (ie to harass us) on the wooden benches at back of year 9/10 lunch area, which were playground hot property for groups to sit on.

but the point is that the flirtatious comment came out as if to sound that rich boy was jealous about that teen me was “off the market” so to speak lmao. but i remember with the drama group assignment, i hated rich boy at the start and wanted to change groups 😂, even asking my teacher to change me to another one. but he made me stay in the group with rich boy to “learn to work with him” lmao 😂😅. i was so overdramatic back then. and then i got the crush on RB like a sickness for 3 years. the jokes’ on me, as usual lol 🙄😂.

she also was holding out secretly that hopefully rich boy was staying at tafe (technical college) with her bc he liked being with her and also wanted to keep her safe from her stalker/creeper from public school (although let’s be real here, he really couldn’t do much about that lmao, that was more her job to deal with and not his) and in general she hoped he was just staying to keep her updated on what was happening at that school when her group from catholic school had stopped talking to her by mid 2013….

when looking back now, he was probs staying bc he was the top of our small tafe theatre tech class along with me lmao… so he was staying there for the good marks and not teen me’s company at all. on top of it all, by the end of the course, i’d stopped talking to him anyway. like 17/18yo me really had a rosy view of everything lmao.

and also, i haven’t seen rich boy (and by extension also clear braces boy although that’s more than 10 years now lol) in almost 10 years now lmao. i legit forgot that he existed for a while bc he never updates his fb; except when something big happens or when he gets tagged in something. or i’m also reminded that he exists when he likes one of my selfies/i update my dp or whatever else; albeit those times are obvs very, very few and far between. and like…. i’ve pretty much forgiven him for the above. bc god. we were both fucking dickhead assholes. and i suppose i should’ve actually expected some stupid witty pairing like voldemort or the like….. and not a real one lmao….. bc after all, we were always sassy/witty/sarcastic/snarky to each other at catholic school; so we had to play that bs out on our fb interactions as well.

which looking back, didn’t breed a good friendship with us either. considering i only ever went to him for rude tit-for-tat conversations, where i always made sure that i got the last quick-witted word in with criticising him when people were around us; and nothing deep and meaningful or serious lmao. bc to teen me, he was only good to talk to for a laugh mostly… but when we did try to talk about other things it was stilted and awkward; bc we didn’t really know how to be consistently nice to each other when we were alone lmao.

and tafe is also where l learnt that we didn’t really have much in common (besides liking 1-2 of the same emo bands- and things like him going to soundwave (ie aussie warped tour/slam dunk fest etc back then)… where i literally posted flirtatiously on his wall one that that i “hated” him for going to it and also made pointed statuses at him about it lmao) like lonely 14-18yo me thought we did lmao.

for example: rich boy was super into classic cinema (one of his projects in our tafe course was building a model house from alfred hitchcock’s psycho), game of thrones and quentin tarantino movies and also he loved basketball…. while i was still obsessed with harry potter as i said earlier, and still into pretty little liars and into the “…….next top model” reality tv juggernaut with australia’s and america’s next top model and the E! celeb channel; amongst other things. i loathed and despised sport, and most especially basketball lmao. i actually tried to read asoiaf/watch GOT bc he liked it lmao (and also had friends at public school who were into it)…. but i couldnt bring myself to do it at the time. like we weren’t compatible at all lmao. but teen me didn’t get it.

but yeah. unrequited teen crushes suck. so, to all of my younger followers, if i have any: if your crush acts like this don’t waste time on thinking they’ll be nice to you lmao; and drop that crush like a hot fucking potato. bc if they’re mean to you (which is what i was running under from all the shitty tween/teen shows i was watching at the time) it defs means that they do NOT like you romantically lmao. fuck that noise.

[laterzgators]

How the gang would be like in modern times.

Kinda basing this off of texts I have with my friends because I get reminding everyday that my old friend group (kinda still my friend group.) are like the gang.

————

Ponyboy

He would have like an iPhone 6 in 2020. And he would be so upset about it. But he wouldn’t complain cause his brother didn’t have money for him to have an iPhone 11 or something.

He uses every platform to text. He probably only texts like Johnny and sometimes Dally.

Johnny and him would FT for hours and during them be like “look what I sent you.” And then proceeded to a meme.

Still a whiny baby boy but 2020 edition

Didn’t pay attention to politics cause he isn’t voting so he has no say. :/

Would probably watch anime- but like mainstream.

Has two instagram accounts one for public people he knew and a secret one to post what he wanted cause Darry probably looked into his phone-

Tries to show Darry how to use a smartphone. Darry won’t understand it. But he tried.

Track team until COVID hit 🙄

Hated virtual learning. HATED IT.

Especially when Darry didn’t have work that day he would peep into Soda and Pony’s room to see him on his desk on a call.

Pony putting his arm down shooing him away. “Darry...I’m in class please shh.” “Don’t worry bout me I’m just listening. Making sure these teachers actually are teaching ya.”

Somehow went brain dumb with this type of learning some days so when a teacher would ask him to answer something he would mute and turn off the camera or leave the call.

He was happy when he did know the answer a certain day.

• Having to text Johnny or Two bit to join a class cause the teacher was doing attendance.

—

Johnny

Texts Ponyboy and Dally pretty evenly. Though Pony would start being whiny when he didn’t answer. Johnny also probably had an older phone like an iPhone 6 or se maybe even an LG but he wouldn’t complain. He was just fine with having a phone. At least it worked.

Has a whole Instagram account about memes. Pony probably helps manage it.

Watches anime with Pony cause he finds it interesting. Does he understand what’s going on? No not at all but if Pony likes it then it’s okay.

Does really like Naruto though-

He hates school. It’s bad enough he skipped it most days. But now ITS AT HOME SO HE HAD NO EXCUSE TO NOT DO IT!

He would usually join the zoom calls but he kept his camera off and was on mute. His parents were probably arguing-

Some days he could be with Pony at his house and did his zooms from there.

Pony spamming him to join the class.

Pony: “Johnny Mr Fullb-“

Johnny: “I’m about to join just be patient pony.”

Dally sent him a nude once and he was SCARED. Dally used social media for that purpose but we will get more into that later-

He apologized a lot btw-

FT calls were fun cause he would put his phone in a certain position and do work and Pony being high on adrenaline would run around his room and you could see it on camera. It was funny.

—

Dallas

Where do I even start for this man....

TAKES FREAKING A MILLION NUDES LIKE IM NOT EVEN KIDDING ITS GROSS

Poor Johnny once got sent one on accident.

He is still traumatized

Virtual women and real women double bonus for him. He would text or dm one chick and be asking a girls number physically at the same time.

Mans gotta multitask-

Bully people on the internet.

Mainly pony for some reason. He did it playfully but Pony would get upset so quickly-

Pony.boy_curtis posted a picture. Caption: Read this poem at school and I’ve been vibing with it.

Comments: @Dal_winSton: Haha THATS dumb. (And more spam of him that includes 😀 that emoji.)

People would call him an eboy and he didn’t like that. He was just edgy in his own way.

Stole a iPhone 11 Pro so that’s how he has this phone.

GC with the whole gang existence and he was like “This is dumb we see eachother everyday.”

He was a weird teen-

—

Sodapop

My manz always texted Ponyboy when he was to lazy to speak.

Texted a lot of people cause he was that guy. But mainly Steve, Sandy (when they were still a thing.), Darry, and Pony.

His IG was filled with nice pics of him and girls just commenting about how handsome he was. He got annoyed of it at a point and turned off the comment section.

Probably had tiktok and made Pony get it.

Had a free subscription of Spotify and my boy loved his music.

Texting pony is like.: “Hey could you tell Darry that I got the eggs he needed earlier.” Pony never told him. Darry got home with a carton of eggs and started yelling that they wasted money on extra eggs. And Pony stood there after hours of finally looking at the text and would just back up.

Random girls dming asking if he was single.

It made him uncomfortable.

But Steve would grab his phone and say random things to the girls and they’d leave him alone.

He didn’t understand Pony’s memes but liked them cause they were on his page.

He or Darry probably asked later on what it meant.

“Uh-huh.” Is the response after Pony took an hour explaining it.

Still didn’t get it.

Followed every single person he knew or liked on Instagram or any platform.

“PONY CAN I USE YOUR HOTSPOT MY INTERNET ISNT WORKING!!!”

Pony just yelled back sure.

—

Darry

You thought Soda was bad nah Darry is a full on Karen-

Had probably had a flip phone until 2018

Loved Karen memes. Pony would see him liking them on fb and he’d just LAUGH.

Yelling at Pony to help him with his phone.

Pressed the wrong buttons all the time.

Probably had an LG-

DIDNT get texting 🤦‍♀️

Telling Pony not to talk to strangers on the internet.

Would have Rants on Facebook.

He pays for cable even though no one in that house used the Tv except him.

Would be so confused on the GC

“IF YOU ARE GONNA GO OUT WITH JOHNNY PUT ON YOUR MASK PONY!”

In the GC: Two Bit: Calm down Jamal dont pull out the nine.

Darry: Who is Jamal and what do you mean by pull out the nine??

Pony: PFT- CHILE I-

Darry: WAIT I SEARCHED IT UP IN THE GOOGLE DO NOT SAY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS IN THIS CHAT TWO BIT MATTHEWS!!!

It’s scary seeing him in our times-

—

Two Bit Matthews.

MEME LORD

All the memes all the jokes he understands it.

He is an intellectual.

Was barley passing school. He was usually on his phone in class.

He probably also had tiktok.

Dmed girls all the timeeee-

Hey good looking

You have been blocked by this user

WHA-

Yeah he didn’t realize girls didn’t like that

Had a whole page dedicated to memes because obviously.

DIDNT join virtual school at allllll

He was busy playing roblox like the cool kid he was.

He is legit a 9 year old-

Hated wearing masks but he did it.

Still hung out with Pony and the gang even with Corona.

He spammed the GC at like 4 a.m when he was super sleepy but still awake and asked all kinds of questions.

“If we call an orange orange can we call orange fruit?” Confusion.

He was something else-

—

Steve

Texted Soda during work.

Also texted Evie during work.

Google was his new best friend.

He used google a lot he just did.

Only had Instagram cause Sodapop begged.

He got used to it after a while.

Would get Ponyboy in trouble whenever he posted something that he knew could get him in trouble

Would post pictures of Darry doing random things and say “Superman” in the caption. LOL

Used LMAO a lottt for some reason

On the GC if someone was spamming he’d just say SHUT UP. Like a lot but he would.

He never wore his mask and if he did it was on his chin.

Pictures of chocolate cake.

That’s probably it lol.

——

That’s all. I hoped you liked it. Sorry I’m posting so late lol-

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sophia Jirafe

Seven of Sophia Jirafe’s fics are at Gossamer, but more of her X-Files stories are at AO3 (as sophiahelix). I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Stones and Bones. She was active in the fandom during the show’s run and has never strayed far from fandom in general. She co-founded Glass Onion, a great multi-fandom mailing list that now has nearly 1,000 fics from 100 fandoms at AO3. Big thanks to Sophia Jirafe for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It did initially, but so many old shows are on streaming now and getting discovered by new people, it makes sense.

I did get a comment from someone who said my first story under this name, posted in early 2000 when I was a college freshman, was older than her by a couple of months, and THAT took me aback.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was my first fandom, discovered when I was 17 and searching for info about the show on the school library computer, and it really shaped my whole life! I met a lot of people I still know today (mostly in non-fannish venues like FB, though I do still have some connections in fandom), and learned a lot about writing and just life generally, since I was younger than most of fandom at the time.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started off on a tiny forum at a website called Squirrel’s Nest, but I kept seeing people thanking Scullyfic in fic headers and eventually I was able to join the mailing list (which was capped to 500 members). Scullyfic was everything to me — I made friends, betas, discussed the show, learned about all kinds of things on Off-Topic Fridays, etc. A lot of those friends, I would email with or more often chat on AIM (individual or these sprawling group chats that would go on all day), and then at the end of 2001 we started migrating to Livejournal. I was getting into Buffy more by then, but it was still mostly the same crowd of people I knew from Scullyfic.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I feel like it started me on a whole life path really — finding that my deep obsession with fiction could be channeled like that and shared with other people, as well as deepening my writing. Online fandom has been a major part of my social life for over 20 years now, and I love the mix of getting excited about things with friends and also the creative outlet.

My corner of X-Files fandom in particular was just very calm and enjoyable for the most part, full of older professional women who were happy to be friends and give me advice about all kinds of things, and it really set the bar for me with my online interactions. Now I’m almost 40 and trying to be that person for my younger friends, as well as having no patience for toxicity and in-fighting in my fandom spaces.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

A combination of the creepy conspiracy angle and just adoring Scully. I remember how mysterious and fascinating the show seemed when I discovered it right before S5, and there was no way to find out more except to keep watching and hoping they explained. Scully was so smart and tough and beautiful and interesting, and as a teen I was just captivated by her (and the UST, though I didn’t care about Mulder as much).

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I ran across it a couple times early on but felt embarrassed by the concept, but then I read the first in Karen Rasch’s Words series and suddenly it clicked for me. After a while I started daydreaming my own conversations between them, very similar to what happens to me now when I’m getting into a new pairing, so after reading tons of recommended fic by big authors, I started writing my own (the 3-4 stories I posted in high school are all wiped from the internet now, though).

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good memories, though because it was my senior year of high school and college, I know a lot of it is just tied to that time in my life, and also being in my very first fandom. I will rewatch episodes from time to time, but I basically never revisit former fandoms because they’re kind of like exes, even if I finished on a good note. I also think my taste in fic has changed (and there isn’t the same novelty of “characters I like getting together omg!”)

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

So many! None of them had quite the same combination of excellent central architecture (especially pre-AO3) and a really high level of discussion and friendliness without being enormous, but I’ve loved them all in their own ways. I’ve done fandom on LJ/DW, Tumblr, Discord, and now on Twitter, and I think I miss the mailing list days the most. You didn’t have to repeat yourself so much in multiple conversations, you weren’t character limited, and the discussion was all in one place, with personal stuff more confined to your side conversations. Discord is a little like that, but it moves too fast and there’s too much noise for my taste.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Heh, after X-Files I went through a whole phase of faves in the Scully vein — Buffy, Aeryn Sun, Kara Thrace, etc. Like many people I’ve shifted primarily into m/m in the last decade (Sherlock, YOI, and recently The Untamed have been my major fictional fandoms, along with a lot of sports RPF), but for non-fannish shows I’m always looking for awesome new female characters, like Elizabeth on the Americans, Peggy on Mad Men, Nadja on What We Do in the Shadows, etc. And I do LOVE Killing Eve and have written a little f/f over there.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I’ll rewatch favorite episodes occasionally, and I keep thinking about a full rewatch but it takes so much time! I never saw the second movie, and I didn’t finish the first of the new seasons because I was hating it, so it’s a little hard for me to think fannishly about them when I disliked basically everything after “Je Souhaite” so much (as far as I’m concerned the show ends there).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

X-Files no, but yeah I’m still very active in fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I lost all my saved fic several computers ago, but I recall loving “Blue Christmas” by Plausible Deniability and “Diamonds and Rust” by MustangSally (obviously everything she wrote was great).

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Looking at my X-Files fic, I can’t believe how short it is and how comparatively little of it there is (I have lost track of a few ficlets). It felt like such a big deal to finish anything back then! I think my favorite remains Alphabetum, which involved a tricky structure and 5 elements given by people as part of the Scullyfic Improv challenge, where you had a week to write a story around those elements.

My favorite of my recent fic in fictional fandoms is probably the GoT/YOI crossover novel I wrote a couple years ago, for a completely opposite experience to this (and proof you can grow as a writer with a lot of effort!)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It’s honestly hard to imagine going back (like I said, I usually don’t), but I guess I could get inspired by something.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I certainly still write, and I do have to give credit to XF fandom and Scullyfic in particular for giving me the start I got, where I really wanted to be writing good fiction. The few things I wrote in high school were just me jamming out romantic cliches, but the people I was lucky to know in XF fandom showed me that “just” fanfic can still aspire to be high quality. I am a much, much better and more disciplined writer than I was back then, but I might never have started on this path without fandom friends encouraging me.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually just daydreaming about emotional dynamics between characters/people, but sometimes something specific in canon or real life (I write a lot of RPF) gets me going, or maybe something I read.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I wrote for X-Files, I picked “Sophia Jirafe” combining my favorite first name with a fancy spelling for my favorite animal (I was 18! Don’t judge!) Over on Livejournal, my friend Jintian and I initially shared an account with the same name as our website, double_helix, and when she got her own account I changed to sophia_helix, which is now sophiahelix just about everywhere. A little clunky, but I like the continuity (and I do run across old friends who remember the name).

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The friends I’ve known for a very long time know about it, but we have never talked about it in depth. My husband, who I met not long after getting into fandom, also knows about it, and he’s encouraging and also a writer so we talk all the time. I told my mom in college and she was pretty dismissive, so we haven’t talked about it since (but my younger sister knows and is cool about it).

When I was younger, it was something I shared readily (I bonded with a new friend in law school I saw looking at LJ), but now I don’t really bring it up with new acquaintances.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I just made a Carrd the other day with all my various fannish addresses (Twitter, locked fannish Twitter, AO3, Tumblr)

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that it really was a high quality fandom — so much excellent long casefic, so many cool down to earth people, just generally a great launching place for a young fan. The friendships I made with older people were really important to me, and it makes me sad to see a lot of younger people now getting upset about the idea of anyone over a certain age being in their fandom spaces. I hope someday fandom can get back to appreciating that people of all ages can be the fandom type, and that everyone brings something different to the community.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 1, 2020)

[dontknowwhatsnextforme]

I run a FB group for D fans and lately there has been a lot of talk about people pretending to be D on various social media platforms or at least having direct access to him and using social media to asking for $ to meet up with him in Hangouts , on Instagram or What’s app etc ..

what I guess I am saying is 1) Beware and 2 ) can d or someone from the team maybe make a post warning fans to beware ? I’m pretty sure D would hate to have fans be screwed or hurt in anyway …

Hopefully I’m not asking too much ..

🙏🏻

[kingdumbass]

Someone just posted a link to a fic in a destiel group that I’m in with minimal description, so naturally I clicked it to see what it was all about. I kind of wish I hadn’t because it’s literally a fic by a cis woman about trans dean being resurrected from hell in his pretransition body...

I told this woman to put a trigger warning in her post and that the idea of a cis woman writing a trans man’s experience with dysphoria makes me uncomfortable. Not to mention the title banner she posted with it showed dean as a woman.

Here’s the thing, there’s a certain point where you can’t tell someone what to write about. I get that, sure. But just as I would never deign to presume I know what it’s like to live as say a person of color, or a person with physical disabilities, there’s something inherently uncomfortable about a cis woman portraying a trans man’s dysphoria in the same way a cis woman playing a trans man will always be irksome and problematic. Watching a YouTube video isn’t enough to know how gender dysphoria feels unless you live it. Writing a fic that specifically puts your trans character in a state of gender dysphoria after escaping hell is just needlessly cruel.

Part of me wanted to read the fic just to see if they even did adequate research but I don’t think putting myself through dysphoria for it is worth it in the long run. I’m sure I’m going to get hate for my fb comment regardless though but I’m sticking to my opinion.

TLDR: cis people don’t write trans characters challenge.

[fairycosmos]

chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably  worsened and it's an absolute tragedy,  it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything.  and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary.  especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness.  but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate.  at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally,  there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second.  not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through.  a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened. 

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb.  it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position. 

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement.  idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination.  they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference. 

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are. 

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond  death. i can still talk to her, reminisce  with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence  either.  anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

[purplesurveys]

1278

Social Media Survey

[joybucket]

What is your favorite social media site?  Either Twitter or YouTube, though I never use YouTube as a social media site per se so I guess this round goes to Twitter.

Do you use...

facebook? myspace? twitter? snapchat? instagram? youtube? pinterest? bzoink? another site with message boards? tumblr? deviantart? xanga?

Facebook

Do you get on Facebook every day?  Yeah pretty much all throughout the day. I used to never use it, like never ever; but back in college all announcements were coursed through Facebook so I was technically required to be on it regularly, and it was from there that I began to see memes and start to be more active. I’m a shitposter more than anything though and I rarely ever post stuff of my own. How many FB friends do you have?  I have 679 at the moment but I want to get rid of like 500 of them; it’s just such a long list to go through so I never get to proceed with my unfriending spree lol.

Have you ever been on a deleting spree?  HAHA I just mentioned that. I’ve always wanted to, but like I said 679 is already such an exhaustive list for me, and that’s considering I only started touching my Facebook in like 2019. I can’t imagine people who started Facebook in like 2009 and have 4000 friends aka most people I know.

Have you blocked a lot of haters?  I don’t have haters; at least I’m not aware of any that I have. Not that it’s something I care about at this point.

Do you get bullied online a lot?  No, but that’s also because I don’t really open the channels for people to send in hate. I don’t have Q&A handles like Curious Cat and I never pick out that option in Instagram where people can send in questions.

What's your favorite Facebook app?  Oh I never use Facebook for their apps. Are those still even a thing...? Anyway, I mainly go there to be on the hunt for stupid memes I can reshare or to watch videos that are either funny or informative.

Are you a fan of selfies?  I don’t mind if other people do it, but I think I’m honestly bad at selfies so I almost never take them. I’ve never figured out my angles or what filters look ok on me.

Has anyone ever called the police on you because they didn't like your status?  No but I have had my posts reported because they were deemed ‘offensive.’ Which is weird because my posts that have been taken down are those that speak out against disgusting men, which says a lot about Facebook runs their shit more than anything else.

Are you in any facebook groups?  I’m in nearly a hundred groups, both private i.e. for school purposes, and public.

Are you the admin of any groups?  Nah. Too much time and effort needed out of me.

Do you report abuse to group admins whenever you see it?  Yes. I report the post then leave the group.

What could make Facebook better?  They could put more effort into detecting and banning troll farms.

What year did you start using Facebook?  I made an account in 2012 because of a high school class that required us to upload this specific video-format homework onto Facebook (which in hindsight is such an insensitive homework considering that was nearly a decade ago when the Philippines was still severely behind in internet connection speeds?? Ugh). But I didn’t start actively using my account until around two years ago.

What is your current profile picture of?  Myself, posing in front of the sunflowers in school during the recent graduation season.

Did you like the old Myspace better than Facebook?  I was never a regular user of Myspace, so...

Pinterest

What are some of your favorite boards?  I’ve never had a clue what the purpose of Pinterest was. I mean I have an account...but I’ve also never gotten the hang of it?? so I never touch it hahaha.

Have you ever done a craft you saw on Pinterest?  Well no, because I’m terrible at arts and crafts anyway.

Do you have a Dream Wedding board? If so, what's on it?  No.

If you have a Dream House board, what does your dream house look like?  Ok fine this one I did start hahahah but I don’t even remember what I added on there anymore. I’m sure it was filled with modern-style houses with minimalist interior design.

Do you wish they'd bring the "like" button back?  I’m not even aware of this option.

Do you have a Bucket List board?  Not aware of this either.

Which do you like better: Just Girly Things or And That's Who I Am? The second one sounds less childish. < Same, and it sounds like it covers more.

Do you have a board for tattoos you like? If so, what are some of your faves?  No. The only one I ever made was the house one, then Pinterest quickly became boring from there when I realized there wasn’t much else I could do besides making mood boards.

Do you have a "Random" or "Miscellaneous" board?  No.

Have you ever reached the maximum number of boards?  No.

Do you have any secret boards?  No.

Have you ever had a Pin deleted because of copyright laws?  No.

Do you have a Color board? No.

Do you have an About Me board? If so, what's on it? No.

YouTube

Do you have a YouTube channel? If so, what is it?  Technically I do but I only have it so I can tailor video suggestions to my interests and so that I can like videos and subscribe to channels I like.

What kind of things do you post on YouTube?  I’ve never posted any video on there, not even private ones. I’m also not the type to comment.

What do you like to watch on YouTube?  These days YouTube serves as a stress reliever for me, which is to say I would typically go for humorous BTS-related compilations because there are sooooo many hilarious channels that make these great videos haha. Occasionally I’d go back to channels or series that I used to frequent, like Good Mythical Morning, Buzzfeed’s Worth It and Unsolved, Try Guys, Watcher, etc. 

Are you subscribed to any channels?  To so many.

Do you watch any vlogs? If so, what ones are your favorite?  Hm probably Jiwoo’s, though her channel is called Mejiwoo. I find her content calming and conversational and basically fun to binge-watch when I’m not looking for anything super super particular to watch.

If you have a channel, how many subscribers do you have?  0. I’m just a lurker.

Will you subscribe to my channel? (msg me if you want a link!)  Only if it’s really fit to my interests, I guess.

Do you watch music videos?  Rarely; not a fan of MVs in particular. I only really ever put an exception for BTS.

Have you ever watched a TV show on youtube?  Well no since their copyright team works hard and works fast lol. I do watch entire video game walkthroughs from time to time.

Have you ever worked out to exercise videos on youtube?  No, I can’t care less about working out tbh.

Have you watched Amanda Todd's famous video?  No. I’m scared that it might be too upsetting or triggering for me.

Have you ever looked up how to do something on YouTube?  Not really, I prefer looking up articles that can teach me step by step in words.

Do you get a lot of hate comments on youtube?  No, I’ve never posted anything on there.

How long have you been a youtuber?  Never been.

Instagram

Do you post on Instagram a lot?  I do 1-3 Instagram stories in a week, I would say. As for posts, I only have 4 in total and I don’t really feel the pressure to add more. I just post when I feel the want to.

Have you ever posted a poll on instagram?  Nah, I’m not too sure if anyone would participate so I’ve never tried. If you don't have an iPhone, do you wish you could use Instagram?  I’m pretty sure other operating systems can also use Instagram...

Do you have any followers?  Around 50, I think.

Do you like Instagram filters? I’ll use them sometimes to make my stories appear prettier.

Twitter

Do you think twitter is stupid? Hehe show me at least one person who doesn’t think so. < Coming from someone who regularly uses Twitter, agree. It is crazy stupid but stupid is what I’m there for. Which is honestly not always such a bad thing to me - I like that people are more themselves, more stripped-down, vulnerable on Twitter. People always seem to want to show off their best selves on Facebook and Instagram, so I’m actually kind of grateful that there is at least one social media out there where people can just be their clumsy, goofy selves.

How often do you tweet?  Probably a maximum of five a day. Nowadays I’m on there mostly to just scroll through my timelines.

Do you get on twitter every day?  Yes, both on my personal and fan account.

Bzoink

Do you make a lot of surveys?  I never make them but I try to take them as often as I can.

Do you take a lot of surveys?  Haha sorry, was one step ahead of you. Yeah, I do.

Do you post in the message boards?  Nah. I dunno if I’m even permitted to check the message boards on Bzoink considering I don’t have an account.

What types of surveys are your favorite?  Categorized surveys like this one or countdown ones can be fun, but at the end of the day I like sticking to the classic random survey.

Do you have friends on here?  Not on Bzoink, but here on Tumblr yes! There’s a number of people here I like keeping up with :)

Do you post all your secrets on here?  Again, not on Bzoink; but yep I share pretty much everything here.

What type of survey do you think I should make next?  Anything but basic/about me-themed ones that will ask for my name and eye color and weight.

Do you read peoples' answers to your surveys?  I’ve never made a survey.

Do you think you are good at making surveys? 

Do you try to make unique surveys?

What type of surveys do you want to see more of?

Random

This or That

Scattergories

Have You Ever

Are you like me?

About You

Personal, Deep Questions

Girly

Music shuffle

Would You Rather

Do you have this in your bedroom?

Long

Short

All About Your Crush

Fashion

Make-up

School

Music

Your health

Your friends

Confessions

Girl Confessions - how different is this from just confessions? Hahaha

R-Rated

Controversial topics

Myspace

Did you have a myspace when you were in high school?  I started an account in like 4th grade when Myspace was ~big, but I didn’t find it fun and everyone my age was on Friendster anyway, so I was largely inactive.

Do you use myspace now?  No. Is it still even around? I have no clue.

Do you miss bulletins? I didn’t get to join in on the fun so there’s nothing to miss.

Did you like customizing your profile with the old myspace?  Not attributed to Myspace but I did have a lot of fun customizing my Multiply and Tumblr accounts back in the day. That was a period where I really got to learn and play around with HTML :)

Did you have music on your profile?  Not on Myspace again but I did on Multiply! I had a cute little playlist that played the songs immediately as soon as you landed on my page hahaha.

Did you learn HTML when you used Myspace?  Tumblr, yeah. I believe the skills are still there but I’ll definitely be a bit rusty.

Did you have a customized cursor?  Oh, no. Wasn’t a fan of those as I found them a bit tacky.

Did you use glitter graphics?  Also found those tacky haha no, I never used those.

Do you remember posting glitter graphics on friends' pages?  Nope.

Did you make "dolls"?  I don’t recall ever making those.

Did you use photo captions?  Not sure what this is referring to so let’s just say no.

Did you have a photo slideshow on your profile?  Hmmm nope, I don’t think so.

Xanga

Did you have a Xanga account back in the day?  No. It wasn’t big here so I had never heard of it until I started taking surveys on here and heard people mentioning Xanga, actually.

Do you have a xanga account now?  No.

Did you post photos and quotes on your xanga page?  I never had any.

Snapchat

Do you use snapchat?  I did; I was superrrrr active on there for a time. It kind of just got old at one point, though, and my feed got more and more dead until I too just left my account dormant altogether.

What is your favorite filter?  There were a lot of cute ones on there that helped me be more confident with taking selfies but my favorites have to be the dog and flower crown ones.

Tumblr

Do you understand Tumblr?  I had a better handle of it when I ran a fan account that required me to be more active; but now that I really just go on here to take surveys I just use the basic functions and nothing more. But yeah, I understand just enough to get by.

Do you use Tumblr?  Yeah. Even on the days I don’t post surveys, I regularly go on here to keep up with friends I like keeping up with like Elisabeth, Lane, Steph, Lina, Julie :)

Other

What forum sites did you use to love that aren't around anymore?  There was one message board I frequented for this girly/tween magazine I used to collect, but I won’t share the name.

Are there any other great social media sites that you recommend?  I think this survey was able to cover all the main ones I use.

Do you use a photo editing site? If so, what?  I use apps instead of sites to edit my photos.

Do you ever use BeFunky.com?  Nope.

Do you use a video editing site? If so, what?  Nah, I rarely have to edit videos in a super intricate, detailed way. Apple’s video editing features suffice for me.

Have you ever downloaded fonts?  Very occasionally since it’s never necessary.

Have you ever used photobucket to upload an image?  No but I remember going on there back in the day to look for images. I never uploaded any, though.

Do you use iTunes?  Not anymore. I have an account on Spotify now.

Do you listen to music on Pandora?  No, never used it.

[theurbansquared]

Guide To Avoiding A Loser Brokerage

by James Hill | theurbansquared

Brokers can be bastards and some even get better at it while other brokers are legitimate life-changing business Sherpas

A broker is supposed to guide you through a career in real estate much like a coach or pimp - offering protection and how to understand a complicated system better and direct it to revenue  without getting your neck broke while playing the game. I created and ran the most well-reviewed, largest full-service brokerage in the fastest-growing city in America.  This gave me access to nearly ever broker and their broker's pay structure and innovations. I also got the agent's version of my same broker buddies brokerages when they eventually joined my brokerage; hovering anywhere from 20–60 agents. Trending insider chatter has blame going to real estate brokers of decades past (and current) and how they’ve managed their agents - - letting unsupervised  agents with no experience run wild on the streets practicing on the public wearing out Realtor love and making a need for all the Mountain Dew-made Zillow-y options that currently exist.

Brokers are out of touch more than ever with today’s current media load, having to understand and use social media platforms for their advertising (since the private Town & Country affair that real estate once was is forever over and the landscape is a bit more like a half Juggalo, half programmer flea market).

Let’s dive into some situations and tenets that most agents don’t consider when choosing a brokerage.

Sales Volume

This is a bit of negotiating psychology and due diligence. Simply ask how much sales they (the brokerage) did last year and how much they’re currently at. If they don’t know these numbers they’re goons. If they don’t give it, you guessed it - they’re hiding something; their lack of revenue. I’ve hired and fired hundreds of agents and in interviews so few ask this question but it’s one of the most important questions you can ask as an agent and you need the information. An agent that doesn’t ask this has already given a tell that they’re not a top producer since they’re not interested in the production capacity of the team they may join. No bueno. Creep the brokerage as well obvi -- reviews, FB & IG engagement and current running ads, and make sure the company Christmas Party isn’t catered by Chic-fil-a at a Burnet Road dive bar.

Office

40% of your learning and 350% of your work will be done at the office. Those numbers will make sense 90% of the time after a few years in real estate. The rest should be on the streets - your car, properties, driving 75 mph talking and sending out docs, gorging on breath mints. Office, home, tiny homes, motorhomes have all blended into one larger conversation where work/live ethos are all in re-definition.

But, when you do need a more savvy moment in any market when people talk about borrowing or selling something that’s over $100K they don’t want to hear some bullshit too loud pedantic conversation seated right next to them at Starbucks or the local kooky coffee shop. In real estate Murphy’s Law is always in effect. The super important listing sign off that has to go well and they want to hear you pitch again before deciding? There will be someone (at this super ‘caj’ coffee house meeting) there projectile vomiting, or throwing cats, or something else tiresome or bad that takes more calls.

Speech and body language are massive parts of sales so when the entire set is thrown because a barista is running through a whole Sublime album. You want the most inviting cool office you can ever pull off at any given moment in real estate . Was that ever a question? There's a balance  -- you can't afford that year one or three, but it’s called real estate for a reason. Sexy, exciting buildings is what the brochure said when I joined. Also, it’s about style not size.

If you haven’t lost business to coffee house back pressure you really haven’t failed at agency properly.

Social IQ

Social reach is the only conversation now. Many brokerages won’t make it as the lead generating aspects of the industry aren't powered by a private MLS anyone and the publicly-hated ‘Realtor’ designation have both brokers and agents guessing about tomorrow. Calendars, best practices and free shitty tips & templates are the du jour of the day for anyone trying to get an agent's eyes. You can Google and get all the ‘basic’ social media dance steps, but with everyone at the same happy hunting spot, you’re being covered up, which leaves all your new artistic efforts fruitless and also squandering winning time.

Traffic, leads and engagement are all separate areas that have to be fulfilled properly and even this is in flux with historic corporations and current start ups all on the same advertising playing field. Social reach and engagement is about going to the consumer direct and becoming their friend with soft bribes -- free food, gifts, prizes (trips, events tickets) or industry work tools. The great news is, real estate has always been mostly consumer direct - start up a convoy at the grocery store (bar, church, meetup) and you’re in the car that weekend looking for houses with a new client. While you, your brokerage and the world are figuring out their exact social media mix, you need to make sure a brokerage isn’t lost on social media since many won’t be able to stay in business in the next few short years. Your brokerage needs to have a plan and and at best some presence on social media. Plus, they should be running low-cost performative marketing ad campaigns to get a feel for what and if set user groups are responding to ads. Anyone can post on IG but people engage on IG when they become inspired. A brokerage should have some sort of inspiration and relationship tied in with the local allure of their city --  or heading that direction.

Mentoring

Much like a neurotic buyer chasing an interest rate for their home mortgage (and then never buying a house) agents too focused on commission may miss the essential career need for mentoring -- for their clients and career. I had a 5 deal minimum for my new agents before they were ever unsupervised and received more commission. I've had new agents with celeb clients in hand and celeb agents with no clients in hand. No one wants to do business with someone with absolutely has no, experience but they do it because they like you as a friend or fam. Your mentor is the person riding shotgun with you at the beginning of your career. On many levels you want to be this person since they embody the position and role. You're literally and figuratively are borrowing experience from them and they deserve to be paid for it. You always have to strengthen your brand outside of your brokerage but if you don’t have any experience your brand doesn’t have ‘strength’ you simply have a logo and a drag & drop website where you're possibly talking about yourself and love of unicorns or football shit but the big boat deals you dream about in bed aren’t gotten this way. Remember, no unicorn could ever throw a football good without a lot of practice and a good mentor.

Support

Support in a brokerage is really communication and solutions for small problems, and systems for managing bigger ones with people. Most of the annoying things in real estate happen outside of the deal - contracts, calls, emails, docs, signatures, more docs. You typically want a super admin, broker, or agent manager that you can call and they pick up the phone. It’s pretty simple. With a mentor, admin, or broker you’re going to have a n 8:30 PM question or deal that’s going down. You’ll need printer help. Real estate always happens now (this was one of the main mantras in my office). Printing, prequal, weekend support and constant post dinner shenanigans.

Training

Meet Frank Miller, David Mamet, the Sex Pistols, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Hendrix, Tom Hopkins, The World’s Greatest Detective and Conan The Barbarian. We had a lot of different inspirations for the style and ethos of our urban brokerage. The World’s Greatest Detective is Batman. It was a moniker that became popular in the seventies. We used this example about how important due diligence and proper Fact Finding techniques are for serving and closing deals for clients. (It’s almost essential to be inquisitive in real estate esp about property/development to have success). Training is largely your sales meeting(s). Although I don’t come from a car background I’ve mentored many car guys transferring to real estate (they typically are out of the industry within 2 years and are there only for boom markets). Car guys have meetings every morning 6 days a week and they’re not at 9 or 10 am. They’re already working.

free module: The Burger King Phenomena: Why Agents Do Less Working For Themselves Than If They Were Working At Burger King

Many brokerages have no training/meeting schedule (monthly doesn’t count -- that’s a meet and greet company pump and catch up meeting). If a brokerage doesn’t have training on a schedule then there is no training. You’ll possibly be thrown a 3-ring binder, or given some PDF’s, or links to old bizarre training videos or a soup sandwich of all three and sometimes even a bill for the training. An agent’s training/meetings and their attendance to them are the difference between an agent making it or not when you’re 24 months or less in the role as an agent especially in the fast turbulent waters of the current 2021 market where brokerage and agent purpose and pay are under attack. From my experience, new agents that hide die.

Media

Having a background as a creative director I’m aware with great detail of agency and brokerage media needs, the cost and time they extract, and the corresponding revenue they’re projected to bring back. Brokerages are looking for their purpose now as simply having a brokerage doesn’t bring in leads like it used to. This is fitting, since the digital dumbass brokers that that didn’t understand the importance of ‘the web’ rickshawed our MLS data and sold the agent/broker centric real estate system for their benefit while current agents are left with an empty greasy enough to-go box to curl up with. Brokerages were never media houses or ad agencies but now that consumer level graphic programs and website builders are ubiquitous and any agent after being licensed for 10 days can drag & drop a website up in 4 hours and make it look like a brokerage that’s been around for years. I know I’m going wide on the subject here but stay with me because this is the crux of where the industry and consumer are renegotiating roles.

A brokerage’s value proposition has changed drastically with the telecommute revolution that was only sped and strengthened by Covid. Also, generational knowledge base gaps in technology are more apparent than ever with technology as younger agents can often be more media savvy than their broker. The market is flooded with self appointed companies or gurus that are taking on the role of the classic ad agency (Mad Men) or media production house. Also beware of real estate coaches with little or no real estate experience offering to guide you in social media. Okay media can’t be used in apex situations (such as the luxury listings you’re after) and doesn’t draw apex listings. Beware of tapioca room temperature tips and general lists from companies that can appear informative but are really boilerplate low grade data to get your attention to ultimately upsell you on a paid service.

As an agent or a brokerage, consumer level graphic and website building programs can be a death ticket to your business as your competitors have the same tools and are cranking out the same type of style of messaging you are now. Now agents, principals, admins and in art class creating flyers. This has been done since the nineties as the valleys of dead agent careers is full of 2-day Microsoft Word (or any of their shitty office offerings) seshes to produce nasty flyers and presentations. These programs are fun and making bad flyers absolutely work related - the kind of work you don’t want’ related to your business because it’s adult crayon coloring. Activity does not equal production. Staying busy doing the wrong things doesn’t make money in real estate. Rather than spending agent winning time staying in the wrong lanes for way too long, get with a team or brokerage that are providing the most exceptional visual media you can find in your market. It used to be cool 2 years ago, now it’s the only thing that matters. Visual content.

free module: Better Agent Media, Less Agent Money (media tips and hacks).

Access

This is access to your broker. Brokers with families are typically less available. Your best bet as an agent is looking for a grinder broker who sleeps on the couch at their office. This person doesn’t have kids to build into so they’ll build into your career and you’ll get the most out of these brokers. Beware of cheesedick, apathetic, rich boy, bored brokers not around and more concerned with projects like a shitty vanity wine brand that their wife’s forced them to launch since she’s not living her best life anymore as an agent.

Style

What kind of style is your brokerage? Is there an opportunity to bring more style sophistication to the market -- standout in a smaller market? Or, are you in an ultra stylish market currently and butt hurt because you already have a little story about how you’re going to keep it real and be a Dockers wearing slob for eternity? The thing about style in agency is you always need to look like you can list a million dollar house. Oh, is it really that simple? Yes it is. You complicated it. Clients always care about their housing a little bit more than they care about your real estate career. They don’t have time to figure out why you’re wearing shoe styles from 7 years ago. Don’t make it hard for people to do business with you. If you’re ugly, even better. It can be a massive advantage. Everyone on the planet loves when someone who doesn’t fall into our general current ‘attractive’ spectrum doesn’t give af, looks great and puts themselves together in a stylish way that the viewer can understand (can I get away with Teen Wolf?). A great side benefit from this step in the right direction is it’s a great way to make someone who is conventionally attractive insecure.

You want to be in the same style as the people in your area but the secret is you need to lead that style pack if you can -- you always lead and dress apex. Years ago this was anecdotal but after over 100K hours in real estate a good suite (tailored) saved my ass and literally got me business. I listed the largest house in east Austin because of a suit (and got a front page story on the newspaper real estate section for free because the owner saw me walking into the next door neighbor’s house).

Offices, dress, logo, email signature are all elements of you and your brokerage’s style. Style in and of itself isn’t enough to be a top producer in real estate. I’ve had stylish and even celebrity agents that didn't do zilch, but style often is a fingerprint to something more.

Picking the right elements for your agent style is an art because you have to offer something from yourself that’s unique enough as well as something familiar (a bridge to your uniqueness). I have a background as a musician and also as a merchant sailor. Fortunately those are easy convo starters. You could be a philatelist and have some challenges, but regardless it absolutely will take a year or three to develop your own angle and style towards the market as you learn it and the agent role more.

Things that look attractive and familiar puts client’s psychologies at ease. So, if skinny jeans are in you better get in them (that’s like five years old now). You’re on stage. You don’t wear what the worker people behind the camera wear. If you want to wear boring shit get on the other side of the camera. If you want less leads saddle up to a forgettable brokerage. People have hard days. They want you to put an effort into your real estate agency role. Currently it’s a fried role so you’re dealing with that too. People love to be smiled at and sold and especially from someone who smells good. It doesn't ever get old. Don’t make them beg for your charm. Be a nice charming person with a shirt that fits good, it’s a powerful combo.

Get My Damn Paper

If you’ve never seen a werewolf in daylight mess with an agent’s commission after the deal’s done and funded. Admin? Who is the damn person who does the admin? (accounts payable is the icey pro word if you like). That person that you contact to get your commission check cut? If that person is a weirdo, or there’s an unfriendly or sketchy quality to the office or admin staff, do not go forward (don’t confuse this with new people or industry jitters). Grab some free coffee, leave the smarm and jet to the next brokerage blind date.

Software

CRM is an annoying conversation. Here’s the things with CRM’s - for all the work CRMs curtail, because of their complexity and existence and the work(time) they take to interact with you need to consider how much work you’re putting into operating the CRM software verses how much time it’s saving. Many times brokerages have expensive yearly subscriptions with per agent fees for their CRM which can make the brokerage have a zealot meth thing for the ‘team’ software and promise you can’t have a career without taking a bump too. To understand CRM better before it was a name, Client Relationship Management is what analog Proximity became. Let me explain -  being close to people in Church, bar, school, same building -- all give proximity. This becomes familiarity, then ease, then trust. People do business with people they trust & like. Once people disconnected physically and started using other means more contact attempts have to be made to work for or ‘prove’ worth.

Follow Up is a large component of most CRM’s and there are gobs of money for agents who follow up meticulously. Simply ask the broker what CRM they use and research it. Something to remember - unless you’re extremely busy with your career you don’t need a CRM. You can manage & database your clients & leads ‘by hand’ and strap it to the cloud with G-Suite/Google Sheets.

Brokerage Name

A small but important aside, if a brokerage have named themselves after a precious metal or a gem, or if it says elite in the name then it’s not elite. If it has the words prestige or worldwide or international it may not be any of those either. I know a handful of exceptions to this rule but this is a great dirty primer to use when choosing a brokerage that’s going to propel your career and have shrimp options at the Christmas Party.