#there was too much life happening around me to post it

[baphometsss]

I don't wanna sit here and act like I'm a professional or anything, because I'm not, but as someone who has had to do a lot of work to overcome trauma and reconfigure my brain more or less from the ground up, there's a lot I have to say about Solas's mental state

We know that Solas was essentially used and abused by Mythal for millennia. Even if he wasn't under a geas, he was twisted from his purpose by being made to fight, and then created the Wolf's Fang which was used to make the Titans tranquil and started the Blights. He made those choices himself, but it's important to understand that no choice is ever made in a vacuum. She took advantage of his vulnerability when he was given a body after however long as a spirit semi-existing peacefully in the Fade, and moulded him into a weapon.

He is broken, because Mythal broke him. I'm not incapable of seeing why she did what she did because like I said, no one makes choices in a vacuum and I could write about her for a long time too (in a similar way to how I have had to do myself in my own life in understanding why others abused me). He was so traumatised by everything that happened and he was trauma bonded to Mythal pretty much from the minute he gained a body. Trauma bonds are not about love. He definitely interpreted it that way, as most people do, but that's the weapon abusers use to keep the victim under their control. Abuse abuse abuse show a scrap of love and then abuse some more. If I just take it, I'll get the love/attention I need. I will earn it, because love is suffering, and I have to suffer to earn getting my basic needs met from my family/friends. Mythal, as his creator, was the one who he would've attached to in a similar way to spirit Cole/human Cole.

Trauma bonds are pathological. Mythal made him believe that if he did as she asked, and kept supporting her, then eventually he would gain her favour and they would be able to free all the elves, and he'd be able to live according to his true nature, which is one where he doesn't have to fight. (Remember his personal quest in DAI? He actually kills the rebel mages for corrupting his friend--another Wisdom spirit--into Pride.) In reality, she was just using him. She always kept the bone just out of reach for her lapdog. The line from Rook where they say (paraphrasing here) 'you know, I was actually excited about getting your approval... That's how you do it, isn't it? Keeping giving little scraps of approval to keep someone loyal, and then you turn around and betray them' is so telling too.

Where--or from whom--do you think he learned to do this?

It literally reeks of a pathological trauma bond and honestly, with how isolated, 'grim and fatalistic' Solas is, it is not a surprise that he's so broken.

Solas, essentially, is little more than a lap-dog to Mythal. He followed her like a lost puppy, because especially in his early days, that's kind of what he was. You have to remember that most of the insight we get about Mythal is from Solas's perspective, and he is not a reliable person when it comes to her after so long being repeatedly terrorised and twisted and manipulated. There are several instances where he describes being betrayed by her, and mentions some of the things she did, but he never quite holds her fully accountable and ends up directing his rage elsewhere. (The parallel between Mythal/Solas and the rebel mages/Wisdom is important here.)

This awesome post by @mythalism only reinforces this. He is so messed up in that scene, he is broken, he is holding the Wolf's Fang up, trying to give it to her because it symbolises the burden he has carried for thousands of years trying to avenge her death. He never wanted the Fang, like he never wanted a body. Mythal just stands over him, fully aware of what she did to him, and only getting him to stop because Rook petitioned her successfully, and the reunion with the more benevolent Mythal within Morrigan tempered her anger. She was a goddess, with the unequal power dynamic, right to the end.

As a side note, on the potential romance element between Mythal and Solas, I read an excellent breakdown of it on Reddit a while ago about how out of character it would've been for Solas to keep something like that from a romanced Lavellan, especially in Trespasser when he comes clean about his plan/past. I can't find it now because it was pre-Veilguard release, but it made a lot of sense to me. Solas and Lavellan never have a love scene in DAI because Solas didn't want to 'lay with them under false pretences'. Lying about who you are when sleeping with someone is nonconsensual. You can't consent to sleeping with someone if you don't know their true identity, and someone who knowingly lies about who they are to get into your pants is a sexual predator. For someone who led a slave rebellion (no doubt many of them being sex slaves), and a former spirit of Wisdom, Solas would've been well aware of this. In the unsent letter from Solas to Lavellan he says he came so close to breaking and desperately wanted to stay with them as Solas, with the implication being that that is where he planned to sleep with them once he'd come clean. But because he stops, because he's still unable to forgive himself or release himself from his trauma bond with Mythal, he breaks away, and they never have sex.

Bottom line: Solas would've been honest about it. Especially that. As the Inquisitor says, he can't lie about his heart.

And it's why the Solas/Lavellan romance is so powerful because quote, 'you change everything'. Solas thought he knew what love was, that love was loyalty, devotion, worship, etc. It's not just his plans or worldview that Lavellan changes. Lavellan sees him for who he is, without the mantle of Dread Wolf, and because of that he's able to express his true nature to her, even if he's not being totally honest in Inquisition. Lavellan got much closer to the real him than most, as he says, and changed his understanding of love completely. Unfortunately, he has unfinished business, an unresolved trauma bond, and his crushing sense of duty to the past is what keeps him from taking that final step towards letting go of it entirely. Trick also says Solas doesn't think he deserves love, which tbh is kind of a hallmark trait of people who have survived abuse.

And honestly? Call me a simp but I think he really was trying to get the Inquisitor to stop him. He saw himself being unable to let go because he was so broken and burdened by his guilt, and knew he couldn't save himself--was too proud to admit that he couldn't, because how pathetic does it make him look? And how could he stop now without rendering all the damage he'd wrought pointless? Yet here was someone who had changed him right down to his core, who understood him in a way few people ever had, whom he trusted, whom he loved in a way he hadn't loved anyone else before. It took him 'centuries' to build up rapport with the members of his rebellion. The man doesn't not know how to form attachments without trauma, and suddenly he forms a strong one with someone who loves him completely and without condition. It's a jarring change.

Lavellan says that maybe they're being prideful themselves, refusing to see their own folly. But I think in admitting that they might be wrong, that it might be wishful thinking borne from misguided love to a truly terrible person, they've rendered the point moot. It shows self-awareness, which isn't folly.

If anyone can make Solas understand true love, it's Lavellan. Lavellan loved him when he was being his true self. Lavellan loved him after his betrayal was revealed. Lavellan loved him when his guilty conscience and terrible actions almost destroyed the world. Lavellan loved him because they knew the real him, and knew that his heart and spirit were broken, and knew that their love would endure, that their love would heal him.

And that's exactly where they end up. Healing the past, soothing the Blight, and loving one another completely.

[dadbodbuck]

WE'RE BREAKING UP

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS TO ME.

WHY WOULD YOU TYPE THIS WORDS WITH YOUR FINGERS AND THEN PRESS POST.

GET AWAY FROM ME

hi jack unfortunately we got married when you weren't looking so you have to pay for an attorney :/

anyway

Buck texts him I need to talk to you and Christopher knows it’s going to be a bad day. He was actually thinking about coming home over Thanksgiving break—it’s not as clean as going back over Christmas, but he misses Denny (who’s been telling him a lot about his cool new sister during their nightly meme exchange), and he misses his school friends (even if they’re exhausting to be around sometimes), and worst of all he misses his family. He misses his dad, he misses Buck. He even misses Tommy—despite only having met him a few times, he knows he’s been good for Buck and for his dad. 

He liked seeing his dad smiling so much when he first started hanging out with Tommy, before her. He liked the way Tommy talked to him like an adult with his own thoughts and opinions. He liked the way Tommy talked about Buck, even though it was kind of gross seeing a grown man swoon that much.

But then. I need to talk to you. And it all comes crumbling down around him. Buck even has the nerve to follow it up with Can I call you? like some sort of therapist or school administrator. Chris opts for a video call, because he’s not eighty years old, and when Buck picks up, his eyes are bloodshot, his face is pale, and he’s nestled in his bed like a stereotypical teenager girl after she gets dumped.

Oh. Oh no. “What,” Chris says, and he kind of regrets the video call now, because Buck flinches back like he’s been physically hit.

“Uh, hey!” Buck says, trying to recover and failing miserably. The smile he plasters on his face looks so forced it’s painful, “How’s Texas in November treating you?”

Chris looks at Buck and decides to play nice. Just a little. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but you sounded like you had something important to talk about.”

“You’re right,” Buck sighs, “I’m procrastinating. I just wanted to let you know that Tommy and I have decided not to see each other anymore.”

And, yeah, Chris is pretty sure he knew this was coming, but it still makes him want to cry, or bite something, or throw his phone into the lake. “What happened?”

“Well—uh—Chris, I don’t—the details really aren’t important,” Buck says, with a wince, “What is important is that I love you, and your dad loves you, and just because Tommy won’t be around doesn’t mean you won’t have our support. I’m really sorry, bud. I know you liked him.”

It blindsides Chris, and he doesn’t know why. He should’ve seen this coming a mile away. He shouldn’t have gotten attached. He never should have sat down to watch The Batman with his dad and Tommy and stolen Tommy’s popcorn and talked shit on Buck’s taste in Star Wars Prequels. 

“What did you do?” Chris asks, feeling a startling rage building in his throat. It’s familiar, now. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows this is Buck’s fault. Buck looks like a dog that pissed on the carpet and is waiting for you to step on the wet spot.

Buck clears his throat, and visibly weighs truth and comfort in his mind. “I asked him to move in with me. It was—it was too fast—”

“You asked him to move in with you?” Chris balks, “He has a house!”

“I wasn’t thinking!” Buck hisses, “Listen, I know I fu—messed up. I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am, Chris. But it—it was the best decision for both of us.”

“You’re lying,” Chris seethes, because he knows so, so intimately the look of an adult lying to protect his innocence. “He made you happy. He made dad happy.”

Buck looks away, chin trembling, and Chris feels bad for all of three seconds before the rage consumes every other feeling in his chest. “Call me back when you find someone who wants to stay. Otherwise, keep your love life away from me. And maybe you stay away from me too.”

Chris ends the call, and two seconds later Buck is ringing him again. Chris doesn’t pick up, just sets his phone on his desk and buries his face in his arms. He doesn’t want to cry. He did too much of that after he got to El Paso the first time. But he’s going to miss Tommy. He’s going to miss seeing his dad smile like that. He’s going to miss the dopey lovesick way Buck moved through the world.

When Chris finally composes himself, he sees two more missed video calls from Buck, and a string of texts:

Love you, buddy. Sorry you’re upset. Call later to talk? Or call your therapist?

I really am sorry. I thought Tommy was going to stay too.

Text me pls? So I know you’re ok

Chris texts back: im fine. we’ll be fine. i need some time and gets a response almost immediately.

OK. Take the time you need. Your dad says if you decide to come back and you’re still mad you won’t have to see me if you don’t want to

Chris, always being left behind, feels a sick surge of satisfaction at the prospect. He could be the one who leaves. He can cut his losses before they’re fatal, he can amputate the limb before it goes septic. He texts Buck a single k back and does not examine the way something in the back of his head tells him, quite viciously, that this isn’t the first time that Buck’s been left this week.

[toxicanonymity]

Hey Boo,

I've been seeing Joelkemons making the rounds being the best kind of dude to have around when you're crying.

Is Stepdad is having very strong feelings about all of this too? I imagine of Raider (LOML) and NW are being so soft with us, something in stepdad might respond to our hopelessly impotent rage.

I'd love to see how he reacts.

Boy howdy, tho, if I could slip into the brothel and have a big ol' Joel-pile, that shit would fix me all the way.

Thank you so much for everything you do and are.

I hope you're taking care of yourself too.

-- Cupquake <3

black tuesday

JOEL x f!READER | 1000 words

WARNINGS: 18+. Election Night. ANGST. Tears. Fears. This is intended to be a cathartic fic with some comfort but please don't read if it could be traumatic. Allusions to reproductive rights, etc. Reader is angry, esp. at men, takes it out on joel a little. Joel is supportive. Reader dacryphilia, brief smut. STEPDAD AU but you don't need to know it, and the stepcest doesn't come up.

NOTES: Sweet Cupquake, you're welcome and thank you for always being so supportive. Poor stepdad, he's normally the one needing comforting, isn't he? Yes, he has strong feelings about all this. This doesn't fit neatly in the AU timeline just roll with it. My brief post on the election is here. This will most likely be my only fic that overtly acknowledges the u.s. election. DO NOT INTERACT: TRUMP VOTERS, ANTI-CHOICE PEOPLE, MINORS.

You’re sitting on the floor of your apartment watching the news while Joel makes dinner and a huge mess in the kitchen. When the early votes are counted, we’ll see a lot more blue, they said. No, actually. Not really. You turn the volume way down so you can barely hear it. 

“Pasta’s ready,” Joel announces in a weak, sing-song voice. 

You remain on the floor. Your breathing is shallow, and it doesn’t feel real. 

Joel comes into the living room but doesn’t sit down. He stands with his arms crossed. His neck veins are bulging, his biceps are tense, his jaw clenches as he watches the screen. He’s pissed, he’s so angry watching this happen. He’s embarrassed to be a Texan. He thinks about all the women he knows. Embarrassed to be a man. 

He looks back and forth between the tv and you, and he sees your eyes are watery. He brings your glass of water from the kitchen, but you refuse it. He puts it down on the coffee table. Then, he picks up the remote control and turns off the tv. 

“Why’d you do that?” you snap. 

“It’s only makin’ ya sad,” Joel replies. “It’s still early, there’s time.” 

“Sad?? You think I’m sad?” Heat rises to your face. Your chest tightens.  

“Okay,” Joel acknowledges softly. “I can see you’re not just sad.” 

He sits down and tries to put his arm around you but you scoot over to face him. 

“All you men just go around blowing your loads everywhere and we’re the ones who have to deal with it, and you have the nerve to tell us how.” 

“I’d never tell you how to--you know that.”

“--I am so fucking tired of men talking.” 

“Sorry,” he mumbles, and sits quietly next to you for a minute. It’s hard knowing there’s nothing he can do or say, but he’s not going to leave you unless you tell him to. 

He clears his throat and asks softly, “Would anything make ya feel better?”

“Only waking up from this nightmare.”

“Yeah,” he acknowledges. 

“I don’t wanna feel better,” you begin to cry. “I want it to not happen….Like, is this real life?” 

None of it feels real. Months ago, people in stupid red hats were carrying around actual sperm cups. The highest-profile rapist in the country called himself the father of fertility, and crowds of people cheered. He said “mass deportation” and people cheered more. And then half the country voted for these sick, twisted buffoons. 

“You want some space?” Joel asks. 

“No,” you protest tearfully.

He hesitantly brushes the back of your neck with his thumb. This time, you let him put his arm around you. 

You whisper, “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

“Sweetheart, it ain’t over. We got time.” 

You shake your head no, ‘cause you can feel it in your gut. 

Joel sits in silence for a moment, and you can’t see it, but he’s tearing up because he can feel you burning and he’s powerless. 

He holds you and strokes your back while you bury your face in his chest. He discreetly checks his new york times app and tries not to react out loud- it’s only getting worse. 

After a few minutes of silence, he whispers your name, and you respond, “mm?”

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. 

You look up to see his cheeks wet, his hair messy. Your heart swells with affection. Affection and… gratitude? God, the bar is in hell. But to be fair, you really love him. You’re grateful for the man he is, not the one he isn’t. 

Desire begins to stir in your chest.

Joel presses a kiss onto your forehead, then lifts your chin, and you look at each other. He brushes away a tear from your cheek. With his own cheeks still wet, he swallows, and the emotional bob of his Adam’s apple sends a rush of arousal to your core. You put your hand on the back of his neck and pull him toward you for a kiss. 

Affection and relief floods your body. It’s temporary, of course, but you let yourself have this. You let the nightmare fade into a spicy dream. 

You straddle him and he pulls you close and moans into your mouth. You kiss him desperately and feel him harden under you. He hesitates and mutters, “sorry,” trying to read the room. He pushes your thighs back, trying to put some distance between you and his hard-on. 

“Stop,” you reply, then latch onto his mouth again. He breaks away and says, “Just don’t want ya to feel like I–” 

“Shut up,” you tell him, then scoot yourself closer, your crotch firmly planted on the warm, stiffening shape in his sweatpants. You grind your hips into him. He kisses you back with increased fervor, and moans into your mouth. Kissing passionately, your loins throb warmly together and your hips move in rhythm. 

You reach between the two of you and slide your hand down his sweatpants. You palm his leaking manhood. Pressing it against his tummy, you gently move the skin on his shaft, and  He groans.

“Fuck,” he breathes, and thrusts against your hand. 

You stand up to urgently take off your pj pants. 

His man-guilt is still eating at him. Squeezing his aching hard shaft, he lets out a moan, then weakly offers, “Are you sure you wanna…”

In response, you straddle him, hot and dripping against his bare arousal.  You slide against him, throbbing and ready. Then, as you slide his tip to your entrance, you warn him, “Get it while it’s on the table.” You sink down on him and he shudders. Then he thrusts upward and moans as he bottoms out.  

“My legs’ll be closed for business soon,”  you explain. 

He closes his eyes and breathes deep as your body accommodates his.  “Fair enough,” he answers thoughtfully, then opens his eyes. “Wait. Even if my face is the customer?” 

------

------

-----

NOTES: I actually wrote three Stepdad things, and chronologically, this is no. 2 of 3. The others aren't posted yet. The first one is a standalone pregnancy scare, nothing about the election (would've been before it). And the second one is a post-election talk about contraception.

My brief post on the election is here.

Thank you for reading. Please remember to take care of yourselves <33

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

SVT helping a partner with chronic pain/fatigue

Requested? Yes!

Genre: Comfort

A/N: I received two requests, one for chronic pain and one for chronic fatigue. I feel that these kind of go hand in hand, if only because pain can lead to fatigue or vice versa, so I’ve combined these requests to avoid too much repetition between posts. 

A/N #2: I grouped members by specific aspects for this one. That’s not to say that any of them wouldn’t do any or all of the items listed (plus more), but they’re grouped by what I think they're most suited for or would do naturally, regardless of your condition.

Helps you stay active - Seungcheol, Woozi, Seungkwan, Chan

This list kind of started as the gym rat line, but I thought better of it, so hear me out. These guys strike me as ones that really enjoy being physically active, albeit in different ways. When you tell him the doctor recommends regular exercise but you just can't bring yourself to do it, his immediate response is, “I’ll do it with you, baby.” He’ll go to the gym with you and stick with you through whatever workout you’re feeling up to today, even if it’s not quite what his workout would usually look like. He’ll ask you to go to the park to play a sport casually with lots of breaks in between, if only to reframe it as something fun rather than exercise. He might even try to teach you some choreography, not with the goal of you really learning it or being good at it, but to find some stress-free, lower-impact ways to move your body. 

Helps you find ways to get quality sleep - Hoshi, Wonwoo, Vernon

You might think one of these things doesn't belong, but I have yet another ‘hear me out’ (I’m full of them!!!). Wonwoo and Vernon both seem to value sleep and having a regular routine around it. They’ll find ways to help you relax - be it a hot shower before bed, some light reading (Wonwoo’s voice reading to you, hello??), or things like heating pads or special pillows to make sleep something that is more likely to happen for you. Now, I think Hoshi needs those things just as much as you do, if only because he needs the opportunity to recharge. Those little habits make it easier to sleep and get restorative rest. 

Helps you manage symptoms - Joshua, Mingyu, Minghao

When you tell him that your doctor recommends cutting or limiting certain things from your diet, he’s totally on board and will absolutely do it with you. The processed foods stop appearing on the grocery list. The sugary dessert after dinner is replaced by a big bowl of fresh fruit. The caffeinated drinks are replaced by non-caffeinated options or different fun substitutes entirely. He’ll never deny any of those things for you if you’re really craving them, but if eliminating and trying new things might help you then he’ll have your back. He’s also got the heating pads, massages, and pain meds on lock for when a good diet just doesn’t cut it. 

Helps you manage stress - Jeonghan, Jun, DK

He sees the cycle. You get stressed with work, school, family life, whatever. On the heels of that stress is fatigue, quickly followed by pain. He’ll do all the things mentioned above when the fatigue and pain is unavoidable, but he really likes to do things that help manage the stress to begin with. The chores are done so you don't have to dread them all day for when you get home. He’s helping you stay active, if only to work off that stress before it consumes you. He’s packing your lunch so you can get a few extra minutes of sleep or just simply take your time getting ready for the day. It’s the little things that you might not even notice he does all the time, but when you remember you needed to do something and find that it’s already been done, you get a moment to sigh in relief and just rest. 

[sulumuns-dootah]

Assigning WHB demons plants/flowers based off the vibes: Abyssos

⟡ Masterlist ⟡

A/N: I think I need to start attending some botany classes again bc from the way these post are turning into me rambling about plants i can tell I miss it :D

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Nepenthes rajah

I don't think this plant has a common name, but if it did it would be smth like Rat/Mouse eating pitcher plant

Bc that's exactly what the plant does

It's just big enough for the small rodent to climb into and never see the light of day again

This also probably explains why I picked it for Beel

I mean, he literally eats angels whole

(I find pitcher plants really cool bc they're literally just a pitchers filled with digestive fluid, but they're not necessary carnivorous - some life off of animal droppings or insects)

       ༺☆༻

Venus flytrap - Dionaea muscipula

At first i was gonna include maybe some other pitcher plant or completely different plant...

But then again, Bael is literally catching the King of flies on daily basis

Idk why, but looking at pics of the open leaves is really calming to me

Having them is kinda cool bc sometimes you just walk past and see one of their leaves closed bc it caught a fly and you'll feel kinda proud of your little baby for catching something

From my experience they don't close when you give them dead one, though

They might also be a bit harder to keep alive...

Mine made it few months, but then bloomed and died shortly after I cut the flower off (similar thing also happened to my friend who specialises in succulents and carnivorous plants so I don't think I did anything wrong)

       ༺☆༻

Poison Ivy - Toxicodendron

At first I was thinking I'll give Stolas something bird-named, but I really wantd somethinig that looks harmless, and the moment you mess with, you're in for a lot of pain

And this plant baby delivers

I've never had the misfortune of meeting it, but I haver heard the stories

For those who don't know: Contanct wiht the plant gives you a nasty rash, sometimes with some blisters

Interestingly, looking it up on wikipedia, there's even what would happen if you smoked or eaten it....

As if you'd wanna do that after getting a rash just touching that thing

(You skin is pretty much reacting to the oil on the leaves, so after you come to contact make sure to wash it off or you'll spread it on other things too)

       ༺☆༻

Hypoestes

I can only talk about this moody beauty from experience since there isn't much info online

From what I've found there's about 150 scpecies in this family

Doesn't require much sunlight, but needs water

And oh boy, the amount of water...

The reason why I picked this plant for Amon is how easy it is for the leaves to start drooping

Just like him being constantly tired

But oh boy, the drooping... One minute she looks good and then two minutes later she's on the verge of death

It's not good to have planters just sitting in water bc of the risk of mold, but this one might just need it

       ༺☆༻

Common Ivy - Hedera Helix

Originally I wanted to go again with a plant based off his animal form, but then while writing for Amon, I saw normal Ivy

The ultimate Dark Academia plant that looks so good growing around anything

It's perfect for a demon they sometimes call Class President

I really love Common Ivy bc of how much you can use her for

Amazing use for Ivy is putting her into floral arrangements and the amazing thing is that it'll mostly keep its color as long as it's not left out in the rain or your glue gun set on too high temperature

Fun fact: The leaves of the plant are different on normal branches from the branches with a flower

[solarenchanting]

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐎

❙ because she was there too.

── .✦ IEIRI SHOKO x FEM!READER

“you know, it’s okay to admit that you’re hurting, my love,” you murmured softly, fingers tracing small circles on her back.

shoko hummed in response. tired and relaxed, resting her head against your chest with her ear directly over where your heart was, listening to each steady beat.

it soothed the tension in her shoulders. she stayed silent, laying on top of you, nestled between your legs with her arms wrapped lazily around you.

if she were honest, you were the only person who ever saw her like this: completely at ease, putty in your hands as you ran your fingers through her long hair, one arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders. moments like this, as rare as they were, meant everything to her.

she had only ever shown this kind of vulnerability to you twice in her life—at least, according to her.

“yaga told me that he caught you smoking,” you murmur, glancing down at her. your gaze softened at her exhausted figure. “i would have appreciated hearing it from you, you know?”

of course, shoko knew.

she’d promised herself—and to you—to leave her vices behind years ago. she knew you weren’t angry—at least, but not really. but the quiet disappointment lingered, a gentle ache that reminded her of all her past failures, harder to face than anything else.

her fingers tightened ever so slightly around your waist, a silent acknowledgement of the slip, as if she was bracing for your reaction. but you don’t say anything more, simply let your hand move through her hair with slow, comforting strokes.

“mmh,” shoko hummed softly, her voice barely a whisper as her head remained on your chest. “i know. ‘m sorry. was just… feeling nostalgic.”

a sad sigh escaped your lips, your chest rising and falling briefly. you couldn’t bring yourself to let the disappointment linger, not when you understood what she meant.

nostalgia.

that was her shorthand for the memories she rarely spoke of—memories that lingered like the smoke of her cigarettes, clinging onto her long after they were gone.

you remembered how casually she revealed everything that transpired between her and her best friends—gojō satoru and getō suguru—in the few months of your relationship.

despite knowing that you’d never fully fathom the weight of the pain she carried beneath her words, you still found yourself asking how she was processing those events.

her reaction to your question ingrained itself in your mind. it happened in a split second, yet it replays in your memory in slow motion: the widening of her eyes, the slight shift of the dark circles beneath them.

the way her fingers flexed as she held her cigarette, as though they recoiled from some unseen touch. even the gentle stream of smoke wavered, disturbed by the lapse.

the way her lips parted, as if she’d speak, before curving itself into that familiar smirk—a quick retreat back to her practised nonchalance.

it was all you needed to know.

you’d learned, almost by habit now, never to push her. instead, your hand moved in gentle, steady circles along her back, hoping she’d feel how deeply you understood without needing to say a word. she didn’t need to speak—the quiet rhythm of your touch was enough.

“it’s okay to admit that you’re hurting.”

you murmured again, breaking the silence with a quiet yet steady conviction. as though urging her to honour the depth of her pain—the years she’d carried it, hidden beneath her skin.

“because you were there too, shoko.”

❙ a/n: my second fic?? and it's literally after a month and a day after my geto suguru one?? crazy !! but also, i'm happy i finally got to post something for once! now it's out of the google docs :) also, i apologise if the pacing feels rushed and out of place—i just wrote it on a whim !!

nonetheless, may whoever stumbles upon this piece enjoy it ! much love from me to you ! <33

[tmrwsuns]

xikers when you ask to tie a ribbon around their biceps

ᯓ the moment you even begin to suggest the thought of tying a ribbon around his bicep. minjae he has already agreed. his goal in life is making you happy, and (even more importantly) he loves to see how much you adore his body. he puts a lot of  work into it a (maybe solely for that reason), so whenever you make a praising comment towards the results he can’t help but feel a pang of pride go through his chest. he saw in this situation the perfect combination of your happiness and his ego inflating, and he wasn’t going to let that go. once you both agreed he makes it his priority to pick up a ribbon at the craft store the day after, eager to try out the trend you had suggested. when it finally happened, he smiled proudly as he listened to you gush about how his bicep looked flexed only for you. 

“hey jae?” you spoke softly, looking up from your phone. minjae sat on his desk, headphones partly on as he produced new music for the group. his attention immediately went to you, turning on his chair and smiling gently at you with a questioning look. “what do you think about doing this trend?” you asked, showing him your phone where the video replayed, a flexing arm with a ribbon around it being reflected on the screen. “we can do it if you want” he smiled. you had this effect on him ever since he met you where he couldn’t say no to anything you wanted from him, and that was a big factor to his answer. however, the pride he felt for the fact that you wanted him to flex for you was even a little more of an incentive. with a small squeal of emotion, you agreed that you would do it the next day, leaving minjae looking forward to it as he turned around and continued on with his task. once the next day finally arrived, minjae found himself sitting on his bed, arm flexed as you wrapped the pretty pink ribbon on it. you had an unwavering smile as you tied it in a bow looking proudly at your job, cheeks slightly tinted at the sight. “what do you think, baby? do you like it?” minjae asked, a smile evident in his voice. “of course i do, you’re arms are hot” you answered, looking up at him through your lashes. his smile widened at your words and he grew a little closer to you, eyes scanning your face and stopping at your lips. “and all yours, too” he said, voice low as he looked back into your eyes.  “is that so?” you asked as you grew closer, eyeing his lips for a couple seconds in return. “it is” he answered before leaning in to capture your lips in a kiss. you were so down bad.

ᯓlet’s be real, no one could even try to blame you for immediately thinking of junmin when the trend popped out in your for you page. you had a boyfriend with perfect arms and there was absolutely no reason not to take advantage of that. when you told junmin about it, he hesitated at first. don’t get him wrong, of course he liked it when you fawned over his body, specially his toned arms; but the thought of you maybe posting it made him feel a little flustered. of course, you told him he didn’t have to do it, but the slight disappointment in your eyes obliterated any thought of saying no to you any further. you jumped in happiness at his answer, wasting no time to go on.

“you know, i saw this trend in the morning that made me think of you” you commented as you sat around his room, simply spending some quality time together between your busy lives.  junmin arched an eyebrow in curiosity “yeah? what was it?” you smiled and muttered a little “ill show you” before pulling up the video, facing your phone screen towards him with a smile, your eyes focused on his reaction. “will you let me do that to you?” you questioned, and he immediately felt his heart skip a beat and his ears begin to heat up.  “why?” he almost stuttered, causing you to laugh softly. “you have such pretty arms and i want to brag about them” you answered, your lips curling upwards at his response. however, you noticed the slight uncomfortability on his face, which made you immediately speak again “its okay if you don’t want to, though, don’t worry about it” the rapid way you were speaking made junmin smile softly, admiring how you always seeked for him to be comfortable even if that meant him saying no to something you wanted. “ill do it” he interrupted you, making your eyes light up again. “are you really okay with it?” you asked once again, letting out an excited hum as he nodded. you went straight for your backpack without another word, grabbing the ribbon you oh so conveniently had packed and going back to your previous position. you waited until junmin flexed, your eyes focusing on the way his muscles strained and bulged on his toned arm, letting a few seconds pass by before snapping back into thought and moving to tie the fabric around his bicep. once it was done, you stared again, causing junmin (who was looking at your face throughout the entire exchange) to smile softly. his initial embarrassment had banished, now being replaced with a surge of confidence from the way you looked at him. “people are gonna be soooo jealous” you smiled and looked up at his eyes, earning a chuckle to come out of his lips as he shook his head at your antics. “sure, baby, whatever you say” he hummed.

ᯓ the moment you told sumin about your intentions when you appeared holding the pink ribbon in your hands, he groaned like you had just said the most ridiculous thing that had ever come out of your mouth. he was used to your delusional suggestions, and to be completely honest he didn’t mind them even a little bit. but he would never tell you that, of course. you both knew knew he would say yes eventually since he couldn’t say no to you, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make you beg a little before. so that’s exactly what you did, enjoying watching you exaggerate how much you just loved his arms until he agreed, acting all defeated as if he didn’t love the idea.

the universe was definitely trying to tell you something. multiple videos of the ribbon trend had popped on your feed, which you constantly attempted to ignore in order to not create thoughts in your head. yet you understood you just had to when an edit of your own boyfriend appeared just under one of them. the way he flexed his arms on your screen made your brain (and body) tingle with feelings only sumin ever made you feel, so you gave into what the universe clearly wanted. you rummaged through your drawers before heading to your boyfriend's studio, finding him focused on the painting he had been working on for so long. sumin heard you come in and turned around, smiling at your presence and puckering his lips as his way to ask for a greeting kiss. “whats up, babe?” he asked once he got what he wanted, watching how a mischievous smile took place on your face as you held up the ribbon. “let me tie this on your arm? its for a tiktok trend” you asked, smile never faltering as he groaned. “why am i always the victim, were the hello kitty tattoos not enough for you?” he asked as he jokingly glared at you. he knew he would let you do absolutely anything you wanted with him, but that wouldn’t stop him from making you beg. “sumin, pleaseeee. i was watching the trend and then i saw this video of you and you have such pretty arms that they deserved to be shown off by your girlfriend that you love sooo much” you pressed, conjuring your best puppy dog eyes. your boyfriend sighed as he looked at you, turning around to get a rag and clean his hands from all the paint. “you know i can’t say no to you, don’t you?” he smiled, causing you to celebrate and pull out your phone. he proceeded to comply with everything you wanted him to do, watching you with a fond smile as you giggled at his toned arms. “i love you” you said once the video was taken, a smile on your lips as you watched his amused smile. “i love you more” sumin answered, stealing a quick peck from your lips before urging you to show him the video.

ᯓ look, jinsik is a complete sweetheart. he is soft hearted and can get a little shy whenever you show interest in his body majority of the time. still, he knows he’s fine and he loves that. he loves to see you fangirl over him and is completely conscious of how obsessed you are with him and his body, so he was not surprised at all when you told him what you wanted to do. he agreed fast, not having it in him deny because one, he couldn’t bear saying no to you; and two, why would he waste the opportunity to tease you when it was right there? the flush on his cheeks and rapidly beating heart had never stopped him from making you flustered, and they wasn’t going to start now.

“love?” you called out for jinsik’s attention. he was currently sprawled out on the floor of your bedroom, mindlessly scrolling through his phone as you laid on your bed. he let out a hum of acknowledgment as he put his phone down on his chest, his eyes travelling towards where your head peaked from above the mattress. “would you let me tie a ribbon on your bicep?” you asked, causing him to frown in confusion at the strange request.  “i mean, sure, but what for?” he watched as you looked for your phone on the bed, pulling up the video and giving it for him to watch. you looked for his reaction as he watched it, trying to decipher his stoic expression. “pretty please?” you chimed in, giving him a small smile. jinsik smiled automatically as he watched you, weighing his options in his head. he could either say no because of the slight embarrassment he felt at thinking that you would post that for the public to see or he could agree and spend a few minutes of his day with his girlfriend gushing about his arms while she ties pretty ribbons around them. there was a pretty obvious choice this time. “sure, pretty, let’s do it” you smiled triumphantly and leaped off from your mattress, going straight for a drawer where you were sure you could find some ribbon to carry out your assignment. jinsik smiled at the soft “aha!” that left your lips as you found a roll of the material, sitting up from his position on the floor and looking at you expectantly. you took a seat by his side and waited for him to flex his arm, smile widening impossibly much when he did. wordlessly, you tied the ribbon around his bicep before picking up your phone. “so pretty” you mumbled as you recorded and took a couple pictures, entirely too focused to notice the way he was smirking while looking at you, his heart almost beating out of his chest at the way you looked at him.

ᯓ as we all know and love, hyunwoo is a little shit (affectionately.) he loves being smug whenever you express your love/desire for him in any way, shape or form because that’s his way of coping with how much it affects him to have you outwardly gush about him. he ignores the pounding of his heart and the way his ears are heating up and acts out to make you feel like that instead; so when you told him about wanting to do that trend with him he took it as the perfect opportunity to tease the living shit out of you. of course, he agreed, but just because it gave him a perfect excuse to make you flustered. (definitely not because his ego grew about three sizes.)

“hyunwoo” you called out, attempting to grab his attention from the videogame he played on his computer. nothing. “hyunwoo” you spoke a bit louder. nothing. you knew he was doing it on purpose. he always left one of his ears uncovered when he gamed if you were around as his own little way to show you that he was still listening and paying attention to you. you sighed as you noticed why he wasn’t answering “babe?”  “yes, doll” he turned around on his chair, a smug smile on his lips as you rolled your eyes.  “would you do this tiktok trend with me?” you asked as you looked at him, your previously “annoyed” expression erased by the sight of your boyfriend's pretty smile. “depends, which one?” you looked for the video and pointed the screen at him, watching his reaction as the video played. “why would you want to do that?” he questioned, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “you have hot arms” you shrugged, attempting to maintain your cool and not give him what he wanted. hyunwoo raised his eyebrows at your response, taking out his headphones and rolling his chair towards you, now closer to your body. “do i? you’ve never said so before” he teased, making you groan. “never mind, i dont want to do it anymore” you stuck your tongue out to him, causing him to chuckle. “it’s okay, babe, i get it. i would want to show my super hot arms too” he smiled as he jokingly flexed. “we can do it, come on” you smiled amused at his antics, standing up to find the ribbon you carried in your bag for your hair. once you had it you walked back to his chair, waiting for him to flex his arm so you could tie it around him and get the pictures you wanted. “i'm just irresistible, aren’t i?” hyunwoo gloated as he watched you. “and only yours, isn't that crazy?” he loved the way your cheeks tinted as you glared at him, sending his heart on to its own frenzy because he couldn’t even fathom how insanely beautiful his girlfriend was. he wouldn’t tell you that right now, though.

ᯓ junghoon is so incredibly unbothered that you had no idea of what he would answer when you asked him to let you do the trend with him. don’t get me wrong, when it comes to you he is anything but uninterested. you are everything to him and he would do anything you asked him to, even if he wasn’t particularly fond of the idea. that was what scared you, you didn’t want to push him to do anything he didn’t like, so you approached him with a bit of more shyness than he usually would. surprisingly, he was very on board with the idea. he liked the idea of you liking his body enough to think of him when you watched that trend, and he was more than happy to participate in it.

“hoonie?” you called out softly as you looked up from your phone, looking at your boyfriend who laid next to you as he read. he looked up from his book and tilted his head in question, making your heart melt into a puddle because of how much he had resembled a cat just then. “have you ever seen that trend where they tie a ribbon around their partner's bicep?” “i think i have, hyunwoo did it with his girlfriend i think” he nodded, the book he was reading now completely discarded as he gave you his full, undivided attention. “why?” “uhm, i kinda wanted to try it out with you” you explained, struggling a little to maintain the eye contact he so diligently held. “sure, do you have any ribbon?” he asked, agreeing as if it was nothing. you were a little surprised at how quickly he had complied, your heart melting even more than it already had. “i think i do, let me check” you smiled and hopped off the bed, not before leaving a sweet kiss on his cheek that left him smiling softly. junghoon watched you move around your room, rummaging through your drawers until you found the roll of ribbon you knew you had. you approached him with a big smile, waiting for him to sit up and flex his arm for you. once he did, you couldn’t help but giggle like a flustered little girl, watching your handsome boyfriend flexing his arm just for you.  junghoon watched you tie the ribbon around his muscle with a soft smile on his lips, waiting for you to do whatever you wanted to. “you’re adorable, did you know?”  his voice made your eyes travel back to his, light tinting on your cheeks. “yeah?” “yeah” he answered your question before laying back down and opening his arms towards you, his smile never faltering.

ᯓ a little shit (affectionately) pt 2. seeun absolutely adores making you flustered, he lives for it if you will. the capacity he has to make you get shy is outstanding, even when most of the times his insane confidence played into making you annoyed rather than flustered. you have a very playful relationship between you, which consisted in humbling each other most of the time, reserving the praises and affectionate words for special moments.  when you approached seeun with the idea of doing this trend he just knew this was his chance to get you to admit he was the most handsomest man alive (which you had no doubt about, you just liked humbling him.) so he made it his goal to hear those exact words come out of your mouth, even if he achieved it through annoyance.

you had been thinking about asking seeun to do that trend with you for a while now. naturally, when you had seen it for the first time you knew that you had to do it with your boyfriend or it would be a waste of his efforts at the gym. the only issue was that it wasn’t easy to ask seeun to do these kind of things. he had the tendency to tease you about the littlest things and you asking him to do something with his biceps was basically asking to be driven insane. nevertheless, your love for your boyfriends arms was stronger than his annoyance could ever be, so you asked him. “can we do this?” you asked as the video had conveniently popped on your screen. you were laying on the bed, your head resting on his arm as you watched your saved tiktok videos, a little ritual you had started doing when you were bored. “aww, you want to coquettify my muscles?” he cooed, a teasing tone present in his voice as he looked at you with a sly smile. “it sounds gross when you say it like that” you wrinkled your nose at his words. “but i just really wanted to do that trend and i couldn’t think of anyone else to do it with”  “of course you couldn’t, because you’re so incredibly in love with me and my hot body” he pressed further, incorporating his body onto his arms so he could look at you better. the sheer beauty of your face would never seize to amaze him, but that’s a topic for later. “sure, whatever. now, will you do it or not?” you tried to hide your smile, clearly enjoying the lighthearted nature of your banter. “i will if you admit I'm the most handsomest man alive” his words made your eyes roll and a groan escaped your lips. “i should’ve known you would act like this, so annoying” you teased back, acting as if you were to move on and look at your phone again. “don’t be like that, come on, let’s do it” he nudged you, eliciting a smile from your lips. you sat up and kissed his cheek rapidly before grabbing the ribbon you had brought in your bag and sitting in front of him. you waved at him to hurry, smiling about the opportunity. seeun rolled his sleeve and flexed his arm, allowing you to tie the piece of fabric on his bicep. you grabbed your phone to snap a couple of pictures, smile unwavering. “you’re the most handsomest man alive, seeun” you looked back into his eyes, just in time to watch him erupt into a cheer, causing you to laugh loudly.

ᯓ it’s no secret to anyone that yujun melts to putty in your hands. he loves making you happy, and that leads him to be the object of your silly little desires more often than not. he absolutely adores the fact that he is who you think of first when it comes to things like these, so the moment you tell him you want to do it he has already agreed. he is so happy and excited about it that he makes it into a full blown date to go find some ribbon you both liked, leading to a long walk to the craft store full of smiles and silly stories about his day. despite his cutie patootie nature, he can’t deny he is a gym rat through and through. he is proud of his body, he enjoys working towards his good shape and loves to see the results of all of his hard work. so when his pretty pretty girl also allows herself to fawn about his beauty outside of his cute demeanor? he could have a heart attack.

“yujunnie?” you called, earning a hum of acknowledgement from the boy. “have you seen the trend where they tie ribbons on guys' arms?” you asked as you laid next to him on your bed, his arm lazily draped over your middle as he rested his eyes, completely relaxed in your company. “i have, why?” he speaks, opening his eyes to be able to see your face, one of his beautiful smiles immediately taking place on his lips as his eyes found yours. “would you be okay with doing that? you have such pretty arms” you asked, voice relaxed as you caressed the arm around you, the sleeveless shirt he wore allowing you to see the entirety of his toned limb.  yujun couldn’t help but smile as you spoke, finding it adorable how you did little to hide your adoration for his body. “of course, we can walk to the craft store to get some later” he smiled “not right now though, im too comfy” he muttered and brought you back tighter to his chest, eliciting a cute giggle to come out of your pretty lips.  “sure, prince, whenever you want” you smiled and cuddled further onto his chest, relaxing as you took in his scent. hours passed before you finally went to the store, taking the long way there as you walked hand in hand with your boyfriend. your laughs could probably be heard from the other side of town as you listened to his stories about practice; bashing on his teammates bad habits as he quickly skipped past his own, making you roll your eyes in amusement. once you finally got home with a few strands of different color ribbons, you sat back on your bed. yujun flexed his arm for you like you had instructed, watching the way you ogled at them with a sly smile. “see? i told you so much time in the gym would pay off” he teased as you finished tying the ribbon, causing you to roll your eyes. “i never said it didn’t” you answered, grabbing your phone to take pictures as well as to record the video you wanted. “i forget sometimes, though” “what?” yujun couldn’t keep your eyes off of you for a second, too enamored by the sight of your pretty face to even consider looking away. “that you’re ripped, you’re so squishy” you smiled, taking your hands to his cheeks and squishing lightly. he chuckled at your action, taking your hand in his to bring it to his lips and kiss your palm. “i’ll have to remind you more often, then”  “keep going with the sleeveless shirts and I won't forget for a second.” you laughed, stealing a quick peck from his lips. “i knew the plan was working” he muttered all smiley before joining your lips again.

ᯓ let’s be completely real for a second. there was absolutely no way that this trend could exist without you dragging your boyfriend into it. you know it, his members know it, he knows it. in complete honestly, hunter was waiting for you to ask him if you could do that trend for a while now, knowing that you wanted to by the amount of times he had seen one of those videos play on your screen while you mindlessly scrolled. he wasn’t going to bring it up, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t hint at the fact that he would be more than happy to partake in the video if that’s what you wanted. with that said, when you asked him if you could do it, he agreed immediately and with no objections. he tried hard to contain his smile and not show you just how much he had been waiting for you to ask, but he could never keep a secret from you.

you were sitting down on hunter's lap as you laid on the couch, watching tiktok on your phone in hopes to cure the boredom of a rainy day when a video of the trend appeared on your screen. hunter smiled as he waited for you to speak, knowing that you couldn’t see him because of the position you found yourselves in.  “i always wanted to do that with you, you know” you mumbled, letting the video play. “really now?” he mumbled, doing his best to contain the humor in his voice. you shifted on his lap, looking at him with a soft smile. “yeah, can we?” you asked, doing puppy dog eyes like he didn’t immediately say yes to anything you ever asked for. “of course, princess. i think i have ribbon on one of the drawers” he smiled and kissed your forehead. what he didn’t say though, is that he had bought it the first time he had seen you look at the trend, knowing you well enough to know that the question would be asked eventually. you let out a small “yay” before climbing away from him to rummage through his drawers, looking for the ribbon until you found the small pink roll of it. you went back to your prior place one you had cut a long strand of it, waiting for hunter to flex his arm so you could get to work. once it was done you couldn't contain the small squeal at the sight of your boyfriend’s arm with the bow around it. hunter chuckled as he watched you take pictures and the video, enveloping you in his arms again when you were done. “wait… why do you have ribbon just laying around?” you asked curiously after a couple moments of silence. “let’s just say i know you well enough” he chuckled, making you smile and cuddle further into his body. 

ᯓ oh, yechan had been waiting for this one. the truth was that he had seen these videos before you had and he really really wanted to do it. he had even begun exercising his arms more often so he would be in his prime when the moment came. the only issue is that you didn’t seem to want to, because it had been weeks and you had not asked him nor even hinted at wanting to do it. spoiler alert, you whole heartedly did, you were just too shy to bring the idea up to him because you thought he would laugh at your face at the mere mention of it. so imagine your surprise when he was the one to bring it up, more as a whine than an actual proposal to do a simple little tiktok trend.

yechan had noticed that the trend had been spreading like the plague throughout the group. the way all the boys were flexing (see what i did there) about the videos their respective girlfriends had posted was driving him a little insane at this point, because he hadn’t been asked yet. he knew it was not an issue with his body, of course. he had worked his ass off to get to where he was today, and he deserved to have a pretty, girlie little ribbon tied to his bicep too, but it seemed like you didn’t think so; and he had had enough. you were sitting on your respective chairs in front of his monitor (yes, he got you a chair too), playing videogames as you normally did when you were bored. you were seconds away from winning when the screen froze, indicating that yechan had paused it and eliciting a whine from your lips. you turned to face him, about to complain about him being an absolute baby before being interrupted by him voicing his own complaints. “i think i have great arms, you know?” he spoke, causing you to frown in confusion.  “what?” you questioned, moving his chair as well so he could face you completely. “i have great arms, i work out a lot” he pressed, his eyebrows creased with what seemed like annoyance. “i know you do, babe” you answered, watching his face full of frustration, so very confused. “then why haven’t you asked me to do that stupid trend?” he asked, and then it clicked on your head. “the ribbon one?” you asked, your confusion slowly morphing into a slight smile. “yes! i’ve been waiting for you to ask and you haven’t and i don’t get why” he frowned, and you almost cooed at how incredibly adorable he looked. you stood up wordlessly, going towards your bag as yechan looked at you intently. were you really walking away from him right now?  his concerns dissipated as you sat back down, a long piece of ribbon in your hands. “i’ve been meaning to ask you, but i was too embarrassed” you explained, your smile a little shy, “i thought you thought it was dumb, by the way you talked about the other videos” yechan’s facial features relaxed immediately, overtaken by sheer softness. “i would never think anything you want to do is dumb, baby” he smiled, grabbing your face as he caressed your cheeks. “cute, will you let me do it now?” you smiled and kissed the palm of his hand before moving away, waiting for him to get into position. he rolled up his sleeve and flexed his arm, causing your smile to widen as you began tying the ribbon around his toned arms. when you were taking the pictures, inwardly giggling because of how good he looked, you realized something. “have you been working out more?” yechan’s face tinted a light red at your question, but he nodded sheepishly nonetheless. “maybe.. i wanted to look good on the video”  his words made you laugh, shaking your head as you moved forward to cradle his face, peppering kisses all over it “how cute.”

★ pairing ;; ot10 x reader

★ authors note ;; i took so incredibly long to write this its not even funny. anyways this is for my two pookies ILY.

★ taglist ;; @tiramisumin @astrasng

★ back to the (temporary) masterlist.

★ please do not copy, adapt or steal any of the content !!!

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

Part 5 - Noah

Noah laid there in his bed, the only light coming from the screen of his phone. The only sound in the room the old videos he kept watching. It was all that kept him going when sobriety got to be a little too difficult. And right now, it was hard as fuck. Until the other night nobody outside of his therapist had known just how much he despised himself for the shit he had put Lilith through in the end. And now he had gone and blurted it out like a fucking idiot. Such a fucking idiot. So, rather than relapse he was going to watch these old videos as many times as it took until the anxiety passed.

Listening to her laughter, seeing the way her eyes crinkled just a bit at the corners when she smiled, in and of itself was its own form of mental torture, but God, did it help keep the urge to drink away. A reminder of what life was like before the one or two drinks every so often turned into three or four most nights of the week. Then getting blackout drunk most nights of the week. Soon it was steady drinking from the moment he woke up until he passed out later that night. Rinse and repeat.

"Noah, I swear to all that is unholy. If you don't stop recording me right now I'm cutting your hair in your sleep!"

Noah chuckled to himself as Lilly in the video stopped doing her hair to run from him, laughing uncontrollably at his feeble attempt to stop her without dropping his phone. He had been obsessed with recording every moment with her when he wasn't on tour. Some excuse of watching them when he missed her, which he did do, but honestly it was because he just couldn't get enough of her. Even when they bickered he hated not being near her, always finding a reason just be around her while she tried to ignore his presence. Which she inevitably failed at, every time. Because as much as she refused to admit it at first, she needed to be near him just as much as he did her. Once upon a time, anyway.

Heaving a weary sigh he scrolled to the next video, immediately being greeted by her and Danny dressing up a skeleton Halloween decoration. Noah outright laughed as he watched the two of them dressing the skeleton up, neither understanding the directions the other was giving. It was their first Halloween in this house, and Lilly had insisted on going all out for the kids in the neighborhood. She'd had the bright idea of dressing skeletons up as Bring Me The Horizon members to put in the yard as a skeleton band.

Just then Matt walked in, flipping the light on, blinding him.

"Jesus Christ, Matt!" He yelled, covering his eyes. "The fuck do you want?"

"You've been hiding in here too long. Get your ass up and meet me downstairs in five."

"Fuck off."

"See you in five."

Matt left, leaving the door wide open. Fucking asshole. He loved Matt, he did, but he was a fucking asshole sometimes. Couldn't he just be left to rot in fucking peace?

"Fucking asshole," he grumbled, rolling out of bed. If he didn't get down there Matt would be back, likely with a bucket of water to dump on him or something stupid like that.

Noah caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he walked past it, and outwardly cringed. He looked like shit. Hair stuck up in every which way, four days worth of stubble on his face. Well, what little bit he could grow, anyway. He reached for the hoodie he'd flung on the back of his chair, pulling it over his head as he stomped out his bedroom door and to the stairs. This better be good.

***

"If you really want to make amends, hiding after having a panic attack in her kitchen isn't the way to do it."

Matt's words swam around in his head, circling over and over again. He was still an asshole, but he meant well. Of course, he was right. But how would he even go about making amends? Would she even be open to allowing him to? The way she had looked at him that night, he wasn't so sure. However, she had done everything she could in that moment to help him. Shit, it had worked better than anything anyone else did after he got home.

Carefully he leaned forward, inspecting his now shaven face. Couldn't miss any spots or it would drive him nuts. He had always been that way, but since getting sober he was more meticulous about it. Everything had to be just so or he couldn't function properly until it was fixed. Satisfied he had gotten everything he stood back up, pulling a plain white shirt over his head.

First order of business was to get cleaned up. Second was to at least attempt to get a hold of her. If she didn't answer he would just show up. Well, maybe not unannounced. That hadn't exactly gone well last time. A repeat sounded like an absolutely terrible idea if he was honest. One panic attack she might forgive, but a second one? Hardly. He was surprised she even answered her phone the last time.

Speaking of, he picked his phone up off the counter, freezing over her name. Was this a call or text situation? Maybe he should have asked one of the guys first. Jolly would probably be the one to know. He knew her best these days. Unfortunately, Jolly was out with Sadie.

Fuck it. He would text her, and if she didn't get back to him after a while then he would call. For all he knew she was at work, anyway. Heart pounding in his chest he hit the button to text her, freezing at the last message he had received from her. The night he had fucked everything up beyond repair.

"Where are you? Noah, you're worrying me."

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[monstersdownthepath]

A Collection of Fiendish Demigods

(pic source)

A Duke of Hell and two Daemon Harbingers for fun. As always, there's more lore than what I put in their little blurbs; the Duke of Hell especially is one I came up with years ago but never had the opportunity to put into any practice. I actually considered it for the position of Demon Lord for the longest time, but its focus on back-breaking labor and law--plus my dearth of Lawful Evil fiends in general--made me reconsider.

The Harbingers are also two niches I've noticed have yet to be filled. In a world full of unfair deaths, I can think of few miserable ends more unfair than death through allergies, an affliction which the people of Golarion understand but not have the means to treat. With it, I'm also introducing the concept of the Phylaxidaemons, plant-insect creatures who shed thick layers of choking pollen and whose poisonous touch causes horrific swelling in its victims which can lead to them choking to death as their throat closes up. The Phylaxidaemons themselves will be another post.

The second is a much more recent creation, representing death through medical malpractice and through trusting care providers who don't have your interests at heart. And with him, the introduction of the placebodaemon and iatrodaemon. CR 4 and 12, representing death by false cures and harmful "cures," respective.

Reminder that Infernal Dukes grant a spell-like of levels 3, 7, and 9 as Boons which are usable 1/day, and Daemon Harbingers grant spell-likes of levels 2, 4, and 6 usable 2/day.

Father Dermosi, Duke of the Endless Rows Lawful Evil Infernal Duke of Labor, Sacrifice, and Farming

One would not expect a devil to be a holy man, but in his life before his infernal transformation, the figure that would become Father Dermosi was a follower of Erastil. A passionate preacher, hard worker, skilled farmer, and firm believer in the cleansing power of difficult labor, Dermosi is a textbook showing of what too much fervor can do to one's mind, as he believed (and preached) a corrupt form of Old Deadeye's teachings in which backbreaking labor and sacrifice of one's own health for the good of the community were the only true sacrifices which Erastil would appreciate.

In his own words, he believed that a soul had to be "beaten into a shape that could fit through Heaven's gates," and the only way to achieve this 'shape' was to grind away at every edge and angle of one's personality until all that was left was a desire to work. Physical abuse to drive people further became more and more common, and when people began to die from him constantly pushing them to do more, many snapped to their senses and realized that he had strayed from Erastil's guidance, that this could not possibly be what the god wanted... but any who spoke up were harshly punished, exiled, or even executed by the rest of the flock, out of either fear or fervor. It was only when Erastil himself sent a few of his chosen to the town to try and fix what happening that many of Dermosi's naysayers found the bravery to stand up alongside one another, and the corrupt Father found himself facing execution or exile. He chose execution, believing he would be judged worthy of Heaven.

As one can likely tell, he didn't even see the gates before he was thrown into the fires of Hell.

Rather than turn inwards and reflect on his own wicked beliefs, Father Dermosi concluded that Heaven denying him was an error on their part, that Erastil had betrayed him rather than the other way around. As his soul became corrupted by hellfire, he concluded that Erastil's teachings were far too 'light-handed' and that Heaven didn't deserve someone with his strength of will and desire to improve himself and others, at which point he embraced his transformation into a devil and rose swiftly through Hell's hierarchy.

Father Dermosi now lays claim to the Sinner's Till, an area of Avernus where endless fields of strange and unearthly crops are nourished by and tended to by hapless petitioners and enslaved Outsiders, each one subject to the sermons and sadism of the Duke of the Endless Rows as they ceaselessly work until their souls begin to break down, allowing him to--literally and figuratively--beat them into entirely new shapes in service to the Archdevils.

Domains: Community, Evil, Law, Plant Subdomains: Devil, Sovereignty, Growth, Toil* Favored Weapon: Scythe Symbol: A bundle of corn wrapped in white or gold thread. Sacred Animals: Farm animals, particularly chickens Sacred Colors: Gold, green *Followers of Dermosi may alter any of his Domains with the Toil Subdomain, replacing the second power of each Domain and the spells granted at the appropriate levels. They may only alter one Domain in this way, and cannot alter a Domain that has already been altered by a Subdomain.

Obedience: Perform one hour of strenuous manual labor, or force another to do so with threats of pain if they do not comply. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus to saves against any effect which would fatigue or exhaust you.

Boon 1: Spike Growth Boon 2: Waves of Exhaustion Boon 3: Dominate Monster

-----

Tazhimea, the Baleful Bouquet Neutral Evil Daemon Harbinger of Allergens, Stinging Insects, and Weeds

Somewhere in the dismal plane of Abaddon, there is a land where a false sun shines over a gorgeous landscape filled with a veritable rainbow of strange plants bearing an equally alien yet delicious bounty. As one may expect, this is not a place of mercy or respite, as even a single breath of its sickly sweet air can spell a miserable, choking end for most mortals. Even other daemons tend to steer clear of this place lest they, too, fall victim to the machinations of the Phylaxidaemons and their beautiful progenitor, Tazhimea.

Tazhimea appears to be some anthropomorphic butterfly or moth woven of beautiful and otherworldly plants, their wings shimmering with a myriad of colors rarely seen in nature, but standing anywhere close enough to examine the details is almost certain death; the moment one is able to smell the daemon's powerfully cloying perfume is the moment one has breathed their last, their nose overrunning with thick mucus as their throat begins to close up, all to keep out the scent. Tazhimea is Harbinger of Allergens, and thus has a unique approach to the problem of how to bring death to the masses, namely by twisting the body's own immune response against itself with puffs of spores and pollen, powerful perfumes, or the stings and bites of insects that hide within the body of the Harbinger and of its servitors. The Harbinger's garden is their laboratory as they breed together flora and fauna from all over the Great Beyond to birth creations whose effluvium triggers violent reactions in any creature that inhales or touches them, with the fiend's ultimate goal to form an allergen that can affect even them, at which point they know their work has become perfect.

Because Tazhimea's creations turn the victims' own immune system against it, there is little one can do to protect themselves from it. Living creatures that are immune to disease or poison are ironically more vulnerable to the Harbinger's foul magic as their powerful immunity goes berserk in response to a sniff of a foul but ultimately harmless perfume or a painful and debilitating but nonfatal sting, turning an attack that could have been survived into a life-threatening affliction for which there is no cure. For all the terror they bring to the living, though, they have a distinct disadvantage when combating creatures such as Elementals, Constructs, and Undead, a disadvantage which prevents them from truly seeking the throne of the Horseman of Plague.

Domains: Animal, Evil, Death, Plant Subdomains: Insect, Daemon, Growth, Venom* Favored Weapon: Rapier Symbol: A beautiful flower with a bee sitting in the center Sacred Animals: Bees and ants Sacred Colors: Green and red *followers of Tazhimea may modify the Animal Domain with the Venom Subdomain.

Obedience: Sow the seeds of plants which provoke allergic reactions. If you cannot, invoke an allergic reaction in yourself, then suffer through it for at least 1 hour before attempting to cure or alleviate it. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus to saving throws against disease and poison effects.

Boon 1: Garden of Peril Boon 2: Cape of Wasps Boon 3: Greater Insect Spies

-----

Qaicol, the Honest Doctor Neutral Evil Daemon Harbinger of Placebos, False Cures, and Malpractice

A foul and recent fiend, Qaicol was once a snake-oil salesman whose silver tongue and seemingly miraculous mixtures ended numerous lives. Whether it was a balm that soothed pain but prompted hemorrhagic bleeding or some 'incredible' surgery to replace a failing organ which went tragically awry, Qaicol was at the forefront of inventing countless ways to harm others with fabricated cures and poisonous medicines, and was always a change of name and facial hair away from doing it again in the next settlement he preyed upon.

Far beyond any rational or explainable motive, Qaicol would dissect or even vivisect others to better understand the border between panacea and poison upon the body's various systems, and how the two could be blended together to provoke the most destructive reactions. Were he benevolent he could have been an incredible doctor, but as it was, he was a serial killer with a particularly sadistic modus operandi, one that involved giving another hope for a cure only to have their symptoms become worse, then terminal. His actions were not even for the purpose of becoming rich--though he did make a tidy profit off stealing and selling the belongings and even the bodies of the deceased--but from outright sadism and a wicked desire to sow public distrust towards actual, well-meaning practitioners.

Such a foul soul could only ever be condemned to Abaddon, but Qaicol's vicious drive persisted even after death. For all his power in life, though, he spent many years as a plaything in the courts of Apollyon before finally gaining the strength needed to betray and slay a pair of Harbingers--one which held dominion over surgeries, and one which delighted in spreading sickness in places of healing--and take their power for himself. He now commands squadrons of Placebodaemons and Iatrodaemons representing, respectively, those who die from false cures and those who die from medical complications, as the greatest of their numbers, and works to hock his poisonous snake oil to every corner of the Great Beyond and erode the bonds between communities and the apothecaries and doctors striving to help them.

Domains: Artifice, Evil, Healing, Trickery Subdomains: Alchemy, Daemon, Medicine, Espionage Favored Weapon: Estoc Symbol: A medicine bottle of unknown liquid with a fanciful label Sacred Animals: Snake Sacred Colors: Blue, brown

Obedience: Work to cure injuries and ailments in other creatures for one hour in whatever fashion you can. Alternately, create and/or sell false medicines. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus to Bluff and Heal checks.

Boon 1: Fester Boon 2: Poisonous Balm Boon 3: Phantasmal Putrefaction

[redvexillum]

Hey there my sweetest, beloved Vexi ♡

I just wanted to share something personal with you that you can then share with others because I know that they feel the same.

Writing has always been my passion. It's been the one thing that has kept me afloat in my life. Regardless of whether people love my writing or hate it, I would continue for the sake of continuing because it is my life.

But when I rejoined fandom spaces, I was terrified after hearing stories of how the culture had changed significantly. Interaction is lower, and hate has unfortunately always made its home in these communities. Given I share fanfiction solely to share with the aforementioned communities, I found myself afraid that I would get hate messages. I was afraid I wouldn't have a community that would stand up for me if that were to happen. While it would never deter me from what I love, I was scared that friendships and positivity were long dead in this space. Fandom felt lonely.

You know what though? I have met wonderful person after wonderful person. And then I met you too. There you are, getting some of the most horrendous messages I've ever seen sent to another human being, and you continue to push for positivity - smiling and laughing with us about how much you just want to see people happy.

Then you went on to start share some of the wonderful messages you recieved throughout that ordeal, only to begin writing positive affirmations and thoughts for us. Once upon a time, I struggled to accept this sort of positivity, I will admit that. When I was having a rough time, I would often see messages like that as 'hollow' for a lack of better words. I would be angry or bitter that others could think like that when I struggled so much to feel like those words should have meant something to me.

While time has passed since I was that person, I still remember the feeling of hopelessness, yet that doesn't deter from the fact that people like you - and countless others - single handedly restored my faith in these communities.

People like you remind me why I cling to my ideals of treating everyone with kindness no matter what. To try to understand other people. To help others. These are all things that bring us closer together. People like you, @silva-daemonium, @fraugwinska, @macabr3-barbi3, @chrisemrysfics, @melodyonthewireless, @dewdropdinosaur, @xalygatorx, @kewpikayo, @jurijyuu, @jalicecookie, AND SO MANY MORE do so much to support those around you.

All of this came about because I wanted to say thank you for posting those short little messages of encouragment. I know that I have appreciated them. Sure, they might seem a little cheesy to me on a morning when I'm tired - but they really make me smile, and prepare me to tackle whatever the day gives.

You're the beating heart of positivity.

It's a fairytale ending to the horror stories I expected.

I know that other people will see this too, so I just wanted to wish everyone that sees this a relaxing morning, afternoon, evening - timezone in general! You're here, and you've worked hard to be here all this time. Everything you've needed to do to achieve that, you've done. That's huge. I'm so proud of everyone, and my DMs are always open to anyone who might be struggling or just wants to talk. I'll always aim to help my community in the same way that Vexi has demonstrated.

Love to you all, and again, thank you for your messages, Vexi!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cirice, I honestly don’t have the words to fully capture how much your kindness means to me. You are truly one of the most thoughtful, beautiful souls I’ve ever had the honor to meet, and I can’t thank you enough for your words. Knowing that something I’ve done has made even a small impact on people like you is still so surreal to me. I’m just deeply grateful that you’re part of this community.

You and so many others are the reason why I’ve stayed here longer than in any other fandom. It’s been the most heartwarming experience. This community, especially people like you, has genuinely transformed my perspective on what fandoms can be: a space filled with compassion, creativity, and connection.

Thank you for sharing your story, for giving me (and others) a piece of your heart. I hope your words reach others, inspiring them to create, to feel they belong, and to understand how wonderful it is to be part of something like this. Knowing we’re all here together, finding meaning in these connections, it makes the world feel a little less lonely and a lot brighter. 💖

Also tagging the people that didn't get properly tagged because tumblr is broken: @dewdropdinosaur @xalygatorx @kewpikayo @jurijyuu @jailcecookie

[georgiapeach30513]

Now Jen…I LOVE your blog and your posts but I respectfully disagree about your Steve comments. Again, I use the word respectfully, because I don’t want you or your other followers to take it too seriously. But I think it needs to be said.

First of all, Bucky fans love to make virtually everything about him, especially when it comes to Steve. Please do not at me, Bucky fans never want to admit this but some of you even bleed onto the actors and like to make things about SS when it’s about CE. Think about it. Why do these two people always get compared?? Maybe because it’s a bunch of Steve Bucky fans who can’t get over it and don’t want to. And then it becomes competition and Bucky/SS fans need to make it a sticking point into virtually everything and I’m TIRED. CE fans tend to get upset because they keep having to defend Chris doing random movies instead of doing or following what Sebastian is doing and I think some of them are tired too. Or maybe I’m just projecting.

Steve in the movies did everything for this guy and he also does everything for everyone else. But the moment he does something for himself WW3 happens. I’ll agree that the ending for his arc should have been different because the endgame storyline left too many questions and as a Steve fan I find it extremely annoying. But Why is it his duty to be his friend’s butt buddy forever and always? How come Bucky fans can’t ever seem to let go? And they’re fine when Steve world revolves around him but when they have to deal with Steve being his own person and thinking about his own life for once it’s verboten. I don’t think Bucky is perfect in the slightest and mostly he annoyed me 10 fold in the falcon show. But I will allow it since he has been through a lot, he’s allowed to be grumpy. I don’t expect him to live his life for Steve and tbh I also think he should have gone back in time and relive his own life differently. But that’s a different story and clearly about whose marvel contract is still active and whose is expired.

But Steve needs to be a ray of sunshine that doesn’t do anything except exist for his friend 24/7? Also…why are we getting this “he left him for a person who aided in bucky’s demise?” How did Peggy do that? Why, once again, is it not about Steve and Peggy, but about Bucky and dumping it on Steve and Peggy???

Even now salty bucky fans make their dislike about endgame and MCU about Steve not being around for Bucky, even though the storyline literally was just writing Chris out of it. If it was in reverse and Bucky went back in time I’d 1000% bet none of you would be crying about it. You would say, good for him he deserves to lives his life over. But Steve deserves just as much if not more, he has had no life of his own and was barely existing even in his own movies, as…oh yeah, even marvel was making his story about other people, so no I don’t agree with this constant needing to be mad at Steve over Bucky, when you could just admit that you want it to be about Bucky always and Steve second.

That being said…that is just my opinion. Your opinion is valid as it is your blog. You are my favorite blogger on here but this is one thing I can’t stay silent on.

I love conversations like this, so NEVER apologize. I think the beauty with cinematic universes are we get to know the characters a bit more. And every character is going to resonate with different people in a different way. So let’s get into this, and of course I respect your take, but let me explain a bit more where I’m coming from.

I am aware that we Bucky fans love to make him the main event. As do Steve fans do that, and Loki fans do that. And I do think that there are some people who go bleed the lines of reality with fiction. Obviously when I joke around about Sebastian and Chris I do not think that they are romantic at all. I do think that Chris and Seb equally are aware that the other is attractive. And everyone knows that I am a big hater of people comparing Chris to Seb. I don’t like it. These are two different actors who have both carved out their careers very differently, and for them. Sebastian has always shown that he wanted awards, and is looking at acting as an art form, while I think Chris enjoys what he does, but maybe doesn’t center his whole life around it. As far as the random movie, Seb has done random shitty movies as well. I am not going to dive into why Chris has chosen the movies he does, because I’m not Chris.

There is a big reason why I hate time traveling movies, and honestly, this is a prime example of one of them. I’m also aware that Chris’ contract was up, so they thought they would be clever with his ending. I actually think it was a cop out, personally. It’s not just for the Bucky aspect but for the Sam aspect. Maybe Steve being a white man didn’t understand the weight he put on Sam’s shoulders. I don’t think Steve understood Sam’s position as a black man, and I think that reigns true with most white folk, including myself. I will never understand the injustices that POCs feel, I can be empathetic, but I am aware of the privilege the color of my skin has. Again, Steve’s ending left so much to be desired. And then if you think about it, Steve knew that Peggy died having a full life, and he still selfishly went back. Furthermore, he went back, and stopped the life Peggy would have had. So therefore it alters the future/present. Again, I hate time traveling movies for this reason. I think at the end of the day it was the finality of the decision, but also I feel so many people weren’t given closure with it. That includes fans, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and all the other Avengers.

I personally do not think that Steve needs to live his life for his friends. But this was the life he was given, he should have moved forward, instead of going backwards, but again, Chris’ contract ended, I get it. It was lazy writing. As far as Peggy aiding in Bucky’s demise, who was the one who allowed Zola to live? Who allowed Zola to not just live but work for SHIELD? Peggy Carter AND Howard Stark. What did Zola do? He rebuilt Hydra. What did Hydra do? They tortured Bucky. Remember when Steve learned all of this? Learned what Zola did, and who allowed Zola to live? How he built Hydra to be more powerful than ever? They created the ultimate weapon, The Winter Soldier. Bucky was no longer human to them.

I can’t speak for everyone else, but had the roles been reversed, I would still be irritated. Again, lazy writing. In my ending, Steve had his dance with Peggy, but he returned. I actually wish that Steve made a bargain with Red Skull, a soul for a soul, and he retrieved Natasha. He got his dance, and he said his goodbye, but he came back to the time he was supposed to be in. Take Bucky and Sam out of the equation. Steve still should have stayed in the present even if those two characters died. He rewrote Peggy’s history, and therefore the present. Don’t get me started on Marvel making his story about others, Civil War still irritates me. That was just a lower scale Avengers movie, and we deserved better. I enjoy the movie, just not as a Cap movie.

Now as to the last comment, I jokingly say I can’t ever look at Steve the same. I actually choose to believe my ending for him over what happened. I don’t want him to constantly live to serve Bucky. I want Steve to have his time to grow into Steve. Oddly enough, Steve is also my number 8 Chris character. I don’t think I resonated with him as much as Bucky, and I can admit that this is why I put Bucky on a pedestal. It’s funny that the two best friends had very similar and yet very different lives. I wish that Marvel would have dove into that more. I would love to see a piece where it explores both Steve and Bucky’s mental health. We got a bit of that with TFATWS, but not enough, and without Steve. I guess I love the Cap trio so much, including Sam, I selfishly want more and more of all three.

Again, I love these conversations. And I think all your statements are valid.

[gelu-the-babosa-multiversal]

*Blasting the door and coming from the smoke left by it* I demand to KNOW more about how poor Jack ended like a headmaster on your crazy awesome sauce AU because AAAAAAAAA 💥 (when you can and if you got more, of course!)

Ok, this took a while 😅 referring to this post

Also art... because I took too long zkjdhkzfhsj

Anyway this is going to be very long, so have a cut as well lol

SOOOOOOOOO I yet don't have a full timeline of events due to working on other stuff, but the premise of this is me pulling up all the Headmasters and Super-God Masterforce lore into TFP. Jack was just the unfortunate soul who I chose to go through all this HAHAHA

In short, while on a mission as always, Miko sneaks out and Jack has to follow her so she doesn't get hurt. But in this mission, there were no Decepticons, it was all a trick from a team of humans who were looking to capture Team Prime. These humans were nothing like Team Prime had encountered before...

Nothing like MECH, like Morocco, or just nothing like they have seen on Earth. These humans had bracelets that when activated gave the human a weird-looking armor, just for a giant headdle robot to appear out of nowhere and then, set human to turn into its head and begin controlling it...

Team Prime knew what those robots were, Cybertronians. How did some humans manage to get those bodies? We don't know. How do they manage to control them? We don't know. Are they actually... Cybertronian bodies? We don't want to know.

It didn't take long for chaos to take control and everyone blasting each other... so the kids had to find a place to stay safe while the ¨fun¨ was happening.

But things just got worse and worse. No space was safe from these weird mechanical humans. So the kids had to keep going deeper to keep themselves safe.

As they keep plunging into darkness, as rocks keep crumbling over them, and as the sound of the blaster keep increasing. The kids could just run. Until it all seemed to stop. Finally! A safe place for the two!

And it seemed normal until Miko had to press one button, and from the ceiling... a giant robot body called. Tied up with chains, colored fully gray colors, no signs of life... just empty. From it, also two bracelets very similar to the ones of the humans had fallen off the robot.

Miko was very curious, but Jack just took them off her hands with one slip. He was very tire, very mad, and just didn't wanted to deal with more...

And they could just have kept quiet, sat, and waited for Ratchet to open a ground breach for them, if for the giant metal hand that destroyed the ceiling and that was trying to squick them...

They were both going to end dead if they didn't found a quick way to scape, but the rumble had already taken that option away. It seemed... if it was possible... one chance to escape.

So Jack called the one about and did a Miko.

As soon as those bracelets clicked on his bare hands, the robot had activated, but at difference of the other humans who became the head of their robots, this one already had one. Instead, when the robot activated this one unchained itself and begin running towards Jack and grab him like a mouse, then, putting the boy on its abdomen that closed like a cage. In seconds, a weird green liquid begin to fill the robot with Jack inside, as if it was juice soda...

Miko started to panic, it seemed that she had given Jack a death sentence and it seemed that it was about to be her turn as the big metallic hand leaned closer to give a hit...

But then, and luckily for her, she was swooped away and taken with safety before the worst.

-

-

-

Jack was not dealing well with this. Like not well... Miko was screaming how cool this was but Jack... the sounds of this new body, the liquid that was all around him, the new heavy limbs he had... it was just so wrong!

They had so much luck managing to scape... but now, BUT WHAT NOW!!?? What is going on and what how is Jack going to get out of this robot suit!!???

Maybe the others could help him, if they don't blast him first...

[perpetuallyfive]

making some kind of "commitment"

I've been feeling such a strong impulse to write.

But I do know that I've said this before, often in fact, and the final product doesn't always appear. Sometimes life gets in the way, sometimes the confidence in what's already written down dries up, but that's why I've decided to try to say some of it more explicitly.

I'd like to put it out there in an effort to give myself a commitment to something to work toward, sure, but also permission to actually do it and post, even when it's not entirely perfect. The world is largely imperfect, and I might as well chase my bliss.

Currently Writing:

Warrior Nun Dragon Age AU: There's 18,000 words of chapters 3 and 4 written, some of which has already gone to beta. I need to do some revising but this feels very, very close and I'm excited about it again, which is the most vital part.

Really Want to Write:

Frantically thinking about a believably in character way to write something for Caitlyn/Vi in the same vein as You Can't Become Unreal Again. This is the main place my brain is at right now.

A small Agatha idea that's not too intense in world building, dear god please brain just let me write something around 10k and let it go, let it goooo into the world.

Honestly I keep thinking about the idea of Bishova at the TVA. Has this already been done? It's probably already been done. But the time hijinks!

I Promise I Am Going to Finish and Still Think About It Regularly:

RWBY Dishonored AU. It's going to happen. I want it to happen. I have written so much of the next two chapters it's sick that they're not out yet. I just made it so long that I have to go back and reread everything to double triple check which things have already been made explicit and which things I've only been pondering for literally years at this point and never actually put into the text. I am (often) my own worst enemy.

Less Sure About But I Still Wanna Finish One Day:

When The Feast Is Over, the third Bechloe Marvel AU fic where I set myself up to have to figure out the entire first major arc of the MCU as it plays out in my specific universe so I could mess with it. Why do I always try to write ideas that require SO MUCH world building? Why is that the kind of thing that makes my brain so happy? Some mysteries will never be solved.

[yanderepuck]

AHHHHH DONT BE SORRY I LOVE IT ALL.

I love all feed back

Gonna put under it just in case

So pacing was a huge issue for me. I didn't WANT to write a full route. It was not my intention to write 20 chapters. I wanted it to be semi short.. like 8-10 like I've said..but then I didn't want everything to happen TOO quickly. I wanted to pace it out a little more. I wanted a LITTLE filler but I also didn't want to drag it on. Plus I couldn't really think of anything else to really add???

But I knew pacing would be a little bad. But I'm also writing this for shits and giggles..not as a real route so that's why I was like "you know what, it's okay"

I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THE MC BC I HATE CANON MC. SHES SO DUMB I CANT DEAL WITH HER

So with Leonardo and Salaì...the thing is...his route isn't even canon. There's no way he would pick MC over Leonardo. So with all of that I didn't fully know how to word it all with it being so repetitive bc I worried about that as well. But basically Salaì realized that he shouldn't revolve his life around Leonardo, even though that's what he's been doing for centuries. Living without Leonardo is unthinkable to him. But he caught feelings for MC and he was like "know what I need to live for myself"

I hc that Leonardo has anger issues, and when he turned Salaì, he was technically VERY young considering he's a pureblood. So I tend to make him a little immature to make it fit.

Especially after Leonardo hurt his feelings. He's trying to tell himself that Leonardo isn't worth it, which MC helped him see bc in his eyes Leonardo could do no wrong and everything that happened was his fault and all on him. So he decided to move out to be away from Leonardo. He's hoping it helps him get tober him, but he still wants some sort of relationship with him.

BUT I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY THAT YOU LIKED IT!!!!

There's a lot of his lore that I also didn't add bc it didn't really affect the story, plus like I said, his route isn't canon. I have a lot of info dump on him here

Art wise if you go to my blog and search the tag ikevamp Salaì art should come up if you scroll a bit. Or I could DM you the posts if that's easier.

I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY THAT ALL MAKES ME THO.

Ik it's not perfect. But for a fan made OC route I think I did pretty good so the feedback means so so so so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Salaì Route Masterlist

This is a FAN MADE route of my oc, Salaì. This means this route contains my headcanons for the characters and in no way is suppose to represent the canon story. This is just a fun little time because I know many of you enjoy Salai. Feel free to engage, talk theories, send asks (even to @ask-salai ).

DISCLAIMER: His route his not canon to his character. Also, all of his lore in not in the route for simplicity reasons plus please feel free to ask about him.

PS, this is not like a normal otome game route, it was only supposed to be 8-10 chapters, so keep that in mind because things WILL FEEL RUSHED. I am NOT a professional writer, I do this as a HOBBY. Somethings are not in-depth as I would like. Please do not go into this thinking it is going to be written the same as the game. Things will feel rushed, I'm sure I could have gone deeper into symbolism, but this is just a fun silly little project, which is also why I encourage you to ask questions. Everything in the route make sense to me because he is my character and I may have not realized I didn't add info. I am proofreading as I post but that doesn't mean I won't miss something.

Additional information

Episode 0

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Side Story | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Side Story | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Side Story | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20

[windydesertart]

IANVS

● insta, prints, et cetera  ●  

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?